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#idk how to be okay anymore
pastel-purity13 · 3 months ago
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#mine#vent#mental illness#depression#bpd#trauma#abuse#traumacore#ventcore#ok to rb#tw - me being stupid and overreacting#this is such a stupid thing to vent about but it's partly the reason i was so paranoid today#like i rlly prefer blending in and i rlly wanna appear as a happy and normal person coz when i was open about feeling depressed everyone#hated me and thought i was crazy or possessed idek okay -  and for a couple years once the bullying stopped i managed to hide it quite well#like feeling depressed but randomly it got worse then i started un-repressing (if that's a word) memories of being m-worded and yeah#it got harder to hide and currently i feel like i'm quite obviously depressed which i hate coz if people at least think that i am then i#won't seem like a fun person then they'll hate me then i'll be alone forever which maybe i'm overreacting but like it's happened before so#idk but idk how to rlly act happy anymore or stop my eyes from looking so dead all the time honestly i'm so tired of life in general and#i spend all my energy distracting myself so there isn't much left in socialising - idk that one thing that happened in class (it wasn't even#a big thing) rlly messed me up today like i'm sure i'll forget about it tomorrow but argh i just feel like everyone hates me like there's a#lot to hate about me but still i rlly wish i could change it all yk?? i wish i also didn't depend sm on what other people think of me or#what i think they think if that makes sense - like i said tho this is pointless idk why it affects me sm but yeah i'll shut up now lol
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cowboy-dean · a year ago
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“I've been here for a very long time. And I remember many things.”
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that-was-anticlimactic · 3 months ago
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thinking about sokka not having a great head day, and since he never learned how to properly cope with his emotions, he just. stops talking. and at first everyone in the gaang is confused because sokka isn’t talking but he’s smiling (because he’s good at pretending he’s okay even if he can’t say he’s fine, he’ll find a way to express it) and he’s not isolating himself and he’s laughing soundlessly, so they kind of assume he’s playing a game or just doing a bit or something because this isn’t how sokka usually acts when something is wrong and they all join him, and suddenly that normalcy he was clinging too—the sound of his sister’s voice, his friends’ laughter vanishes and they keep exchanging looks like they’re all in the midst of this inside joke, and sokka feels like his throat is swelling and his tongue is lying limply in his mouth like a piece of dead wood and he can’t breathe but he can’t cry and he doesn’t know what’s wrong and it’s silent and he’s scared and confused and he doesn’t know what to do and he feels like everyone is mocking him and that they think his whole existence is a joke and he wants them to stop and to just talk but he can’t bring himself to say it because moving his mouth feels like pulling teeth and he can’t breakdown because he’s sokka and sokka doesn’t break down because sokka is strong and—
and then zuko finds him sitting out at night because somewhere along the way, he realized that something was wrong. and he sits and he talks to sokka and he doesn’t expect him to talk back. and apparently that’s what sokka needed—someone acknowledging that they noticed something was wrong and that they miss his voice and that they like it when he talks and that he’s not annoying but not expecting anything in return. and eventually, sokka begins to tear up and his body starts to shake because he still doesn’t really get what he’s feeling and what’s going on but he never cries because sokka doesn’t cry but zuko asks if he can touch him and he holds him and just keeps talking and eventually sokka falls asleep and he’s safe and understood in zuko’s arms and under yue’s light,,,
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ihatebnha · 4 months ago
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older bf deku who's so gentle :( this also applies with kiri idk they have the same dilf vibes!
it's not very good but, trying to post this today was like trying to put water in a bucket full of holes. you need to be arrested for putting this imagery in my head. *scream*
(warning: genderneutral)
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I honestly think Gentle is the most perfect word for this.
He toes around your relationship for a while, not wanting to impose, not knowing how to express that he wants more, wants whatever you have to give him.
He’s shy about holding hands, and always acts so surprised when you reach out for him, his face going red, fingers wrapping around yours so securely it's like they have no other purpose. Letting go is like shaking off tape; he forgets that you're attached and doesn't seem to remember how not to be when you reach for something else and again, he reaches to you.
He also doesn’t have a good grasp on like… greeting kisses. He wants to kiss you, always, but there’s still that lingering shock when you stand on your tippy toes when you first see him. It’s not just "hi," it’s "hi" and a kiss. It’s "goodbye" and a kiss. He didn’t realize it was going to be that easy... so sometimes he'll take multiples in the form of soft, little pecks with his forehead pressed to yours.
And I think… he’s hesitant to show you his apartment, too. It’s fine and all but really evident of the fact that he’s been living by himself for a while now. His couch is a loveseat. There’s one sink in the bathroom. His bed is not king sized but full sized… and when you still want to lay next to him on the first night you come over, your face squished to his chest, legs tangled up, it’s a big deal! Makes him go all soft inside to wrap the blanket around you just that little bit tighter, or scoot around so you can have the softer spot on the mattress.
Just all these little moments pile up. When you lean into him while watching a movie, his fingers just barely stroking across your shoulder. When you offer him bites of your food, and he offers you bites of his... and when you sit on his lap and ask for more and he holds your hands in his and it's just... the most tender moment ever.
Yeah. He's gentle. :((
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God tho, Kiri too. The whole thing.
You invite him over to your place after a date and he’s… declining in order to give you space. You shiver in the morning breeze and he’s giving you his hoodie. You greet him and it’s just this long hug, more of a huddle than anything; his arms wrapped around you, his ear attuned to your greeting, your chin on his chest when you look up, and his kisses more like butterflies.
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simgerale · 3 months ago
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everybody meet jayne air
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shima-draws · 24 days ago
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If I’m sick tomorrow I have nobody but myself to blame. Wishing future Shima good luck after this 👍
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eijiroukiriot · 11 months ago
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meetcute with the prince of the flame kingdom 🔥🔥
bonus bard kaminari off to get kirishima a date
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dumbracoon · 8 months ago
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thinking about how both venom and hualian are made of an insane pathetic man and his equally insane maniac demon lover.
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writeouswriter · 7 months ago
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Sites I like stop making garbage updates challenge
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selfcarecap · 7 months ago
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this was so fun, thank you for tagging me, my loves 🥰 @t-lostinworlds and @lauras-collection (idk why the edges of the pics are curved like that idk if you can see—)
got bingo with both of you 😌😌 in the same line as well omg (i was so excited about that hahah)
no pressure tags (i’ve lost count of who’s done this already) : @devotion @peterbenjiparker @spideyspeaches @thephantomslibrary @simplyparker @reawritesthings @subspider @spidey-sophie @celestialholland @tomsholland2412 @kelieah + anyone who wants to, you can say i tagged you 🥰
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(adding both colour templates)
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meguwumis · a year ago
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sk8 and yoi parallels that i could not stop thinking about while watching the last ep
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aeide-thea · 21 days ago
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thinking abt like. on the one hand the really valuable gender-affirming/-euphoric work done for me by things like the less-feminine cut of a men's tank top... and then on the other hand the level of, like, sartorial hypervigilance necessary for things that subtle to register, and the extent to which it's hard not to feel self-invalidating about that, as though that sort of attention to clothes were inherently feminine/feminizing...
#which like. obviously it isn't actually at all and i'm just giving too much subconscious credence to very dumb gender ideas‚ blergh#also if anything this is much more abt my ~socialization~ trauma than it is abt my gender#like if anything i'm hypervigilant abt this stuff bc i got constantly policed in various ways for my unfemininity growing up#until finally in self-defense i learned how to perform it in a way i could live with—#until then eventually i *couldn't* live with it anymore and had to give it up#it's just such a terrible tangle lol#like i can't help feeling like 'i'm traumatized bc i was insufficiently feminine but the trauma itself constitutes & confers femininity'#which like. truly this is when you know yr up a tree bc this is not a definition of femininity i like or believe‚ this is halfway 2 t*rfland#but bc i don't buy my own fundamental assertion abt my own identity—bc all my attempts to assert it historically got squashed—#i can't just say 'nevertheless' and decline 2 argue it out! but that's the only possible stance bc otherwise you get into all these weeds#anyway i shouldn't actually be pulling this post out of drafts bc it's a Mess but otoh the constant reflexive self-censorship is killing me#sometimes you gotta be allowed to be a mess on main a lil bit#but like. to be clear most of the gunk i'm mentioning here is nothing i actually endorse—#it's just like. you realize you feel bad abt a thing and start yanking on it and realize it's tied to all sorts of bullshit...#...that you thought you'd uprooted and consciously abhor but unfortunately it's still In You like microplastics#and while i often am like. okay probably i should just. think abt something else bc is scrutinizing any of this really serving me#it also kinda feels like. if i never address it it's just still gonna be lurking in there?? so idk.#anyway.#feelingsblogging#the psyche#what is gender we just don’t know#etc#something something bullshit abt the best way to be a Cool Girl is to be a boy but‚ like‚ in a 'girls' vision of boyhood' sort of way#it's such paralyzingly inescapable nonsense and truly truly gets you (me) nowhere#ANYWAY. really if i'm going 2 post this i shd at least delete the tag spiral but like. this way you get a sense of the Nonsense Swamp#like i KNOW none of this is useful or material in a certain sense and like. ultimately i'm chewing on this bc i'm not living#but like. okay. i know. it's still where i am. :/
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blueepelikan · a month ago
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cursebreakerfarrier · 19 hours ago
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Some people really be out here testing my patience >:(
#i shouldn’t call it ‘stealing’ per se but idk what else to label it as#but I try so hard not to use names for OCs that other people have used#especially ones so popular#because 1.) it gets confusing#and 2.) it’s kinda obvious and looks like I’ve copied whether it’s intentional or not#and I’m talking all names (first middle and surnames)#and it REALLY irks me when people I’m pretty friendly with use names I’ve used#and I’m mainly talking OCs I make a lot of content for HP or otherwise#i just don’t get it????#i put so much thought into my OCs names like the meanings and how well they fit with a FC#i genuinely feel bad when I pick a name (particular first names) that someone else had used but some people are just ruthless#like I had no idea when I created akira that his surname was the same as talia’s#but val & I were just like lol what if we made a crack ship#and then takira was born and that ship owns my ass#but it seems to me that people are doing it on purpose and it’s not just with my OCs either so ://#is there no originality anymore??!!#like okay if your OC is named something popular like william or sarah or something that’s totally fair enough#but it’s like if someone used galen or ozymandias then is that not super obvious?#especially if it’s an OC in the same fandom but even if it’s not and you know me and my OCs then…. WHY#I’m sorry about this but it’s something that’s been bothering me for a while#and I absolutely had to get it off my chest before I started blocking people#gonna reblog this a couple of times I think#and I don’t want to be blocking people#people might think I’m being petty but at this point I don’t care#personal#rambles#hphl#hphm#hpma
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thisismisogynoir · a day ago
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Saw a Reddit thread on AskWomen about women who thought they were lesbians until they ended up with guys and if that’s not the most invalidating and paranoia-inducing shit I’ve ever seen—
#like#i’m sure that is the experience for some#but as a lesbian it is super duper invalidating to see other women talk like that#because it’s like#you may THINK you’re a lesbian now but eventually you’ll get with a guy as you’re naturally and inevitably supposed to#is what they’re saying for me#not playing the blame game—okay maybe i am a little bit#but that’s just how it felt for me#gave me a miniature panic attack like what if i’m not a REAL lesbian even though I am#and then they talked about how sexuality is fluid and can shift over time#if that’s the case then why don’t i see anybody saying they thought they were gay until they fell in love with a woman like?#it just felt offensive like all women are expected to like men#and if they had just said they realized they were bi or pan then that would be fine#but instead no they had to go shit on all lesbians’ very sexuality and identity with the language they used#basically the way they said well i thought i was a lesbian BUT I’M NOT ANYMORE I REALIZED THAT I LIKED GUYS AFTER ALL#just irritated me severely#idk if i’m making sense here#i’m tired of lesbianism being treated as an experimental phase in a way that other sexualities aren’t#like just let us be lesbians and be fine that way goddamnit#and third and lastly why not put that shit in the bisexual or pansexual subreddits where lesbians don’t have to see it#the fucking audacity i swear#and maybe also while editing the language so that it doesn’t invalidate bi and pan women as well as lesbians in the process#just geez luisa people#okay rant over#for now at least lol#lesbian#lesbophobia#lesbian erasure#homophobia#comphet
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neriumdelusion · 5 months ago
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People who infantilise (anyone but I’m being specific here) Kevin desertbluffs r so strange to me. What is it about an adult guy with a history of violence and trauma that makes you go “omg a child” like??? He’s in his 40s that man is an adult calm down with the whole “cinnamon roll” thing it’s so weird to say about anyone never mind Kevin. Like? Sorry did you listen to the same series I did.
More rant in tags because holy shit
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pearl-kite · 2 months ago
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Continuing to do some of the prompts @mihqorio sent in, this time [a] favorite OC in warm blanket. I legitimately cannot pick a favorite between Gale and Akos, but since I've already done two prompts for Gale, it's Akos' turn
Also, whatever it going on with this change to the post editor is bad. Badbadbad what is going on this is obnoxious
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mikesmoustache · 3 months ago
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all day (and for a while now actually) I keep getting this feeling like, I'm proud of doing something to get better, this is good, I'm happy about it, and then I think I should do something fun because I did something that was difficult for me. but then it's like a wave hits me and there's that screaming voice in my head again that tells me NO this is bad it's all pointless and nothing has changed and there's still a million things I need to do before I'm allowed to relax even for a moment.
it would be fantastic if that went away at some point.
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hotgirlmagnus · a year ago
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Yeah, we had a good time...
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candycannibal · a month ago
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Having a very good hair day
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