#idk i just want a breakkkkk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

geshertzarmeod · 3 years

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it's real fun trying to Avoid Judaism Entirely because Reasons and also your mom is in charge of sunday minyan so you end up at least hearing minyan every week and often having to join and also your bubbie thinks you're still a torah/talmud scholar or at least Interested and Literate so you get quizzed and you have no idea and dont want to learn the answer and most of your friends work in the jewish world and through talking about their jobs and their lives and supporting them in their public events... you're still immersed. and you're still hurting.

#:)#miri personal #jewish tag #also this is v much a personal trauma response #not something that should be generalized or taken as an indictment of judaism or anything #i am actively on a minyan zoom call right now #with mic off and video off #i cant decide if more having more nonjewish friends would HELP #or hurt bc im worried everything i say #would be read as Reasons Judaism is Bad #slash Reasons All Religion Is Bad #idk i just want a breakkkkk #i want to feel okay about it #i want to want to be jewish again #work trauma tag

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ladyhavilliard · 6 years

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85 questions tag

i was tagged by @lexieheron @highlady-of-slytherin @aelingalathynius-fireheart @rhysands-highlady @illyrianbeauty thanks so much to all of youuu <3

rules: answer these 85 questions about yourself and then tag 20 people

last?

drink: ayran (yogurt drink)

phone call: my mom

text message: @acomafxtog24-7

song you listened to: memories - within temptation

time you cried: idk, surprisingly it’s been some time

ever?

dated someone twice: nope

kissed someone and regretted it: playing spin the bottle in 5th grade

been cheated on: no

lost someone special: yes

gotten drunk and thrown up: never even gotten drunk

fave colors? blues and purples

in the last year have you?

made new friends: hmm i think so? not sure lol

fallen out of love: no

laughed until you cried: yes

found out someone was talking about you: not that i can think of

met someone who changed you: i don’t think so

found out who your friends are: i guess?

kissed someone on your facebook friends list: if we don’t count preschool or those spin the bottle games, i haven’t even been kissed lol

general

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them

do you have any pets: the sweetest pug in the universe

do you want to change your name: nope

what did you do for your last birthday: i went to an escape room with my best friends. it was king arthur themes and it was fantastic.

what time did you wake up today: 9, cause it was the first school day. tomorrow starts the real pain.

what were you doing last night at midnight: watching fairy tail...

what is something you can’t wait for: sleep, koa, halloween

what are you listening to right now: still within temptation

have you ever talked to a person named tom: i don’t think so?

something that gets on your nerves: ppl trying to ruin something for someone, just because they didn’t like it

most visited website: tumblr, youtube, pinterest

hair colour: brown, i still have some ombre left. But I’ll dye it all blue in two days

long or short hair: middle to long, i guess

what do you like about yourself: my eyes

want any piercings: no

blood type: no idea, my parents don’t know either (I WANT TO KNOW THO)

nicknames: Rosi, and Little Dragon on tumblr <3

relationship status: single

zodiac sign: pisces

pronouns: she/her

fave tv show: that’s too hard. teen wolf, gossip girl or ghost whisperer

tattoos: not yet, but i’ll get the mountains and stars tattoo on my forearm some day

right or left handed: right

ever had surgery: never

piercings: my ears are pierced

sports: i’m bad at everything lol. but i do climbing twice a week (tho i hadn’t gone since the beginning of summer.. rip)

vacation: hmmm i don’t know, our family vacations are mostly planned less than a week before that. sometimes even on the very same day.

trainers: as in tennis shoes? i’m confused (copied gwyneth’s, but i have no idea what that’s supposed to mean lol)

eating: chocolate, raspberries, sushi ( @aelingalathynius-fireheart chocolate sushi!!!)

drinking: ayran, lemonade

i’m about to watch: ..i don’t know anymore.. finish fairy tail and hope for the best lol

waiting for: kingdom of ashhhhhh

want: a longer summer breakkkkk

get married: someday, hopefully

career: my mind is blank, pls don’t ask

hugs or kisses: hugs

lips or eyes: eyes always and forever

shorter or taller: idk, it depends. I guess i’m more on the shorter side tho (162cm)

older or younger: than now? older. i do want to stay young tho.

nice arms or stomach: i don’t really care tbh

hookup or relationship: relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

have you ever?

kissed a stranger: no

drank hard liquor: nope

lost glasses: i can’t remember, but i bet i’ve lost some sunglasses. never my actual ones tho

turned someone down: yes and it was one of the most awkward moments in my life

sex on the first date: nope and pls don’t ever let it happen lol

broken someone’s heart: i don’t think so

had your heart broken: i guess fictional characters don’t count?

been arrested: no

cried when someone died: i always do

fallen for a friend: no

do you believe in?

yourself: no

miracles: sometimes

love at first sight: not really

kiss on the first date: why not?

angels: nope

other?

best friend’s name: jana

eye colour: idk, colorful

fave movie: lord of the rings: the fellowship of the ring

favourite actor: no idea tbh

favourite food: wait, wasn’t there a question like that? I guess i answered that wrong then. nvm - chocolate, raspberries and sushi.

extrovert or introvert: introvert. definitely introvert

favourite flower: tulips and roses

favourite hello kitty characters: i don’t know any of them??

tagging: @terrasn @azriels-bitch @wendlyn-shadows @mariamuses

#tagged #about me

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charlierants · 7 years

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I really don't like driving

I don't have a very long attention span so expecting me to pay close attention to both my actions and the actions of other driving for longer than two minutes is a sign that there's already going to be issues here. People don't follow the rules, even when they should. If I didn't have my parents right next to me saying WATCH OUT I probably would've hit someone by now. Cars are fucking expensive and they're destroyed really easily, I don't like the feeling that I could get into a car crash and die, or squish this hunk of metal that cost thousands. I don't like the idea of getting to close to anything so I try to drive in the middle of the street and that's not how life works. I'm constantly panicking that im gonna scrape the sides of the car next to me, even when my mom assures me "you've got at least 5ft of air cushion here." If just one bad thing goes wrong when I'm driving, like I don't realise the light is red and I start driving out into the street, my dad screams "Break. BREAKKKKK." And I do, I slam on the breaks and I burst into tears behind the Wheel and it really fucking sucks. It sucks because it's one of those Basic Adult Skills™ that you kinda might want to have in your back pocket if you ever, idk, want to get anywhere at all like ever? I know I can take the bus and stuff but that's a whole other fucking battle of social anxiety.

#driving #Laynie Learns to Drive

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apatheticshit · 7 years

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*01.09.2017* Half-assed

12:10 AM I am waiting for Austin to head over to my apt so he can pick me up and we can get some fooooooooood. I just ate a Guatemalan Tamale, but there is always room for desert ya feels.

After my last post I went to work and worked with Priscilla and Crystal, which was a cool time for the gals. I feel like this trio together is good.

After work I came straight home, and have been zoning out in this chair ever since... 9? Sure, probably.

I suppose I’ve been thinking about my sleeping disorders for a while now, which has been causing me to stress out a bit. The thoughts on mind that come NATURALLY are never quite positive, which is fine, it is just something I noticed. Weed helps me with positive thinking and maintaining a healthy mindset, it has convinced me. After two years of owning a med card, at the ripe age of 18, I am sure enough to say it really did help.

* Zone out: I believe that if you teach a child at a young age that evil and fear manifests itself in the form of sin or Satan, demons and wrong-doing, then whenever the body or mind feels stress, fear, threatened, weak then your body will associate those two together in the form of dreams, and like I said: fear. My former self is so scared of paranormal evils such as: ghosts, spirits, demons, and/or Satan. When I was young I was taught fear is doing wrong, and so my thought processes were always rolling wondering if my actions were right or wrong. Being an off and on church kid growing up, the Christian bible, somewhere within its pages says a sin is a sin no matter what in the eyes of God, he sees them all the same. I do not know exactly where he says that, but I know it echoes in my mind quite often. I felt guilty when I thought of the disgusting sins some people take action upon, and in the eyes of God they are just the same. I suppose that is why I decided it is better for me to NOT believe in Christianity. If I do not believe in this folklore (I use the term very loosely) then my very real life experiences I face with sleep paralysis are not actually satanic things trying to reach me, instead I am just stressed and this is how stress manifests within myself. Since I am committing to this diary I am also going to write my dreams for a dream journal.

I bring religion and sleep paralysis together for a reason, because they go hand in hand. Many of my nightmares feature the same fears, like the ones stated above. One day I will write about my sleep paralysis journey, but for now let us think about how they occur in late 2016, early 2017. Sleep paralysis for me, is getting stuck somewhere in between being awake and being asleep. Sometimes, depending on my sleeping position, and which of my senses are heightened, the sleep paralysis “dreams” aka nightmares occur differently. The thing that is different between a real dream and sleep paralysis dream is my real life mind when I am awake is present for the dream/nightmare. My body does not know how to process getting stuck in between the natural sleep cycle and it manifests itself in a variety of ways: loud noises, grappling hands, a dream, seeing something scary, etc. I guess since I believe fear and stress were taught to me at a young age to be centered around the Bible’s good and evil themes, when sleep paralysis happens to me, many of my dreams are themed with the bible’s evil themes. idk. if that makes sense. It isn’t biblical at all but I often find myself fearing over Satan or demons or things that can hurt me or that are watching me or something. I know this is not true, but it is in innate fear that resides within myself, because it enveloped my mind when I was young. I’ve ALWAYS had a hard time sleeping, because I would keep myself up in fear due to ghosts or something. I still sleep with the light on, mang.

1:01 Am Idk where this zone out went/is going

Either way, I realized that when I try to fall asleep in the fetal position my sleep paralysis dream can manifest itself in the form of a roller coaster dream. I’m still scared of roller coasters but these dreams are not the same as any regular dream would be, instead I feel clamped up, rigid, sitting in a seat, head hanging forward

I’ve been having a few roller coaster dreams, the most recent one I explained to my mom in the garage. She wanted to take me somewhere so people could pray over me but I explained to her that would make me really uncomfortable. In my dream it felt similar to final destination 3, where that one girl does not want to ride the roller coaster but she puts on a brave face for her friends. I felt like that girl and I don’t remember who was on the roller coaster with me because if Austin was there I would remember I feel, so he wasn’t but in my head I’m like thinking this is a devil ride if you open your eyes you're gonna be really freaked out so don’t open those eyes, all the whiles I am in my seat and my head is stuck down almost as if i am in the fetal position sitting upright in this roller coaster chair, fists clenched, and eyes clenched. I am ready for this I tell myself because I have to go through the drops anyways. This dream started out as a dream and transitioned into sleep paralysis. I had gotten sleep para

12:19 AM: I don’t feel like finishing what I started here because it feels a liddo bit like homework, and IM ON BREAKKKKK lul

Im hanging out with austin watching mark wiens from migrationology cause he got sum freaky eyessssssss

k bai

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