#idk i just. i am mad at school. my friend has it even worse bc her school knows how to do nothing at all

[aropride]

hi

hello internet strangers want to hear about my personal life as per usual

well as those familiar w my lore know my title ix case (us-specific college thing where, tldr, if u get sexually assaulted u can do a little mini court case thru ur school) is finally fucking over + i won . which is awesome. unfortunately the respondent (title ix word for "person who did the assaulting") got preeeetty much no sanctions at all . like literally nothing changed . the lawyer recommended they be moved to the other dorm hall but they couldnt, so basically they got put on probation and that's it. Lmao. which means my situation is WORSE than before i filed the complaint, bc b4 i filed the complaint they were in the other dorm hall, and then they moved to mine. but i can't do shit about it unless i want to take my school to, like, court.

well anyway the respondent's life changed in no meaningful way Except they moved out of the dorms last month by their own choice. i assumed that meant they were embarassed abt what they did But i guess not. Bc they've been getting really into on campus events and hanging out in the central building that i like to hang out at. and its like. okay. whatever.

but the thing is . theyve been going to a lot of queer-centric events recently . and while im the only person whos filed a complaint or won a case against them. i am not the only victim i know that for a fact and the other victim is also a queer person. So can you see why im worried about someone who managed to sexually assault two queer people within the first week of living on campus like, integrating themself into the community like nothing fucking happened

and theres this school dance coming up in a couple weeks and im worried that will give them an opportunity to like. hurt someone else.

and i want people to KNow what they did because i dont feel safe with them on campus anyway but i especially dont feel safe now theyre talking to people and making friends (especially bc most of their friends r like. friends of friends. like i dont know them but i know of them yk) . i dont know what theyre saying about me (if anything) and i especially dont know if theyve hurt anyone else. and they might have! because they demonstrated a frankly dangerous lack of regard for consent repeatedly Like i think this is a genuinely dangerous person, whether by malice or stupidity or both, and i dont want anyone else to get hurt

BUT THE KICKER IS...! well first of all we're bound by a no-contact order (baby version of a restraining order). you cant be in the same classes and you cant talk to each other (irl, online, or thru a 3rd person) the title ix coordinator has provided jack shit about what a no contact order actually entails btw lol 😒. But if i were to tell someone and they went and told that person, idk if that would be considered 3rd party contact, which would get Me in trouble

i also dont know if it would be considered "breaking confidentiality" if i said their name- again, don't know jack shit, don't have documentation of the actual rules i'm supposed to be following. but i really dont feel like this is a safe situation for this person to be on campus with no one knowing what they did

im also just generally worried about them finding out ive told people and getting mad and going to the coordinator and me getting in trouble when the only reason im even considering this is bc, again, the school didnt do jack shit

and i dont even know How i would tell aynone . like im not rly friends with most of these people . i see them around and some of them i think are cool but theyre not friends or really even aquaintences . so it would be fucking weird .

but i dont know what to do and i dont want anyone else to get hurt . and i know thats not on Me, but. i also dont want to sit back and Know. and not say anytthing

#text #sa tw #neg #i really dont know what to do here #and it's so frustrating bc imo i shouldnt have to do anything bc they shouldnt be on campus at all but WHAT EVERRR #🗒️

[lapata-lupt]

it's a couple thoughts

- my text annoyed him and he knew I was just looking for attention rather than anything i shouldn't have texted him

- papa scolded me for being on phone and and feel angry bc while m on my phone all the time he never sees me on phone the 1 time he does he gets mad and idk what to think

- my pictures look ugly

- this family friend from uni is coming over

- m bothered by the replies on my insta poll on many levels 1 a lot of people ignored me which is ofc how it is 2 I cant accept that the childhood oomf swiftie m jealous of who went to study in the UK has anxious style 3 a couple people from my school in india responded and idk why I am so narcissistic I camt accept they have personality 4 someone replied to my story with wtf is this and m scared I did something wrong 5 a lot of them say they are disorganized and for my diagnonsense 2 of my friends said disorganized too but m not traumatized so idk what what think of that 6 straight friend from uni is give therapy to also replied and for soem reason it bothers me too that she has personality as well I think m just upset when I see that people who are not queer or nerdy like me have emotions as well and it's so stupid it might be also bc it makes me feel threatenerd cause it proves that people ahve same issues as me but they handle it much better than me and before anyone says u don't know how well they handle it I know they aren't failing school ok fuck off

- I can't stop thinking about abed and his rep on many levels

- I haven't done any of my work I ahve a shit ton of missing assignments and I have a written test on tuesday that I need to be prepared for or i fail again and unlike assignments i can't avoid it

- I have even begun my assignments and they are so big they were supposed to be done over weeks idk how to catch up i lowkey wanna go to the counselor like my professor suggested but m scared my parents will find out and get mad

- idk how to help my brother m not a good sister idk how to talk to him I just get mad and give him silent treatment and that traumatized him more idk how to fucking talk to him and he doesn't accept the kind of care I try try give him if I talk to him he takes it the wrong way and gets mad idk what to do idk how to stop my parents from giving him issues

- I really should have moved out m gonna miss out on all my life experiences rather just repeat the life I already lived past 3 years or a worse version of it there won't be any growth and m I should have moved out idk how to fix it and I don't even like this course I don't wanna do international relations and get into some elitist capitalist shit cooperation that fakes being a humanitarian organization under the guise of diplomacy I wanna get into soem real shit I wanna help people I am not capable of it tho so idk why m even whining it's not like of I had a chance I would use it I have a chance and am throwing it down the drain

- I miss her

my heart just started sinking more idk wtf to do

[gaysexforlosers]

hello i am feeling emotions so here have a ridiculously long vent post

one of my friends reminded me if a thing that happened a few years ago and i was dumb and asked more abt it bc i didnt remember it so well and now i am remembering So Much of it and i am Sad about it now

and when i get sad abt one thing i get sad abt pretty much everything and im feeling really dysphoric already bc my mom was being a bitch abt my gender and just brought up a bunch of my trauma thats like. specifically the thing i avoid thinking about the most

and she didnt even warn me beforehand and she KNOWS how much i hate talking abt it especially with her. and she literally saw that i was trying really hard not to cry and she just kept going and she wouldnt listen to me and now im like. dysphoria spiraling into self hatred or whatever the fuck and she doesnt even fucking care.

and then it was even worse bc of some shit w my brother and she was screaming the whole night and i got a stress migraine and i had to stay home from school and like. now its literally yom kippur and ive made it really clear im not happy with her and shes just ignoring me like. this is literally the one day where ur supposed to apologize for shit and shes not even fucking trying.

its all like oh well i didnt deadname u that one time so u cant be mad at me. i used the right pronouns for literally the first time so u cant be mad at me. i make u food so u cant be mad at me. im ur mom so u cant be mad at me.

and shes reminding me of the shit i used to do when i was first realizing i was trans bc i used to read stuff that t*rfs said and watch ppl like bl*ir white and c*lvin garrah just to make myself feel like shit and now i keep thinking abt all the stuff i read bc some of the stuff shes saying is really fcking similar and im. idk

i just really want to talk to my friends but pretty much all of them are offline bc of yom kippur. and i only have a few that i feel close enough with that im comfortable talking to abt this stuff anyway and idk if theyre even able to talk to me abt it so i just feel like shit.

and its so fucked up too bc i had such a nice day on sunday like i saw so many of my friends who i hadnt seen in a while and i volunteered at a book fair and it was really fun and nice and i didnt have to fake stuff like i do at home and then my mom just has to ruin everything

#lol u know its bad when i have like. a 7 paragraph vent post wow #wasnt sposed to be this long but here we are #vent #idk im just crying a lot

[phantaloon]

tw self harm and depression

#tw self harm #so like i relapsed this week #because everything really is falling apart and i haven't felt this lonely or this helpless in a long time #my friends have moved on they all have their own friends they can actually spend time with because I'm too emotionally tired to #there's my number 1 best friend and we were supposed to make it through med school together and yet here we are #she's going up and around with who was supposed to be our friend group but it's really hers and I'm the plus one #the funniest thing is i don't fault her #i wouldn't want to spend time with me either #and yeah it's been me who says no to study groups but that's bc in the past i only felt used and drained or completely ignored #even with her who I've known for 15 years with whom we're supposed to stick by each other I've always felt like nothing #and now it's worse because I'm really really nothing unless she wants to clear up a doubt on a homework or the answers of a test #I'm really just here for convenience #and there's my other three friends who have lots of other better friends and I'm always the forgotten the one who's not enough #and ig i could say smth but ik them enough to know that they'd just be mad that i think this and never said anything but it's so hard #and my mom is convinced she has covid and refuses to be near me which is nice of her really but i really just need some love rn #and my brother is always angry for some reason and idk how to make things better and he doesn't even look my way #and so i have no one and nothing and i am no one and nothing and i just want to feel something but hollow and hopeless #and i relapsed this week after nearly a year clean and now i can't think of anything else but the feeling of harming myself #and i don't even know when that became a source of relief in the first place but it does feel like i can breathe without breaking down #and then i feel guilty because I could speak to someone instead of destroying myself but how do i do that without hurting them #and I'm back to square one #and i just haven't been this bad in years and i can barely make myself study for my tests which is a whole other issue #I'm just so tired and wish i could just go to bed and either not wake up or wake up and be better

[b0ttl3d-up-st4rs]

aromantic but still hurt from what essentially is a breakup from a relationship with my good friend that didnt have a label in the first place :/

This monday my friend who i've been going out with since like february (we didnt label anything and were taking things slow, and i think we both were on the same terms of we both felt some sorta jumble of queer platonic romantic feelings idk) but this Monday (the day after our second date btw) he said that he couldnt see us being in a romantic relationship and he isnt ready for that. Which im fine with, but its still upsetting yk?

And im on the aromantic spectrum. Might be fully aromantic tbh idk. But hes one of my closest friends and this is the closest thing ive ever had to a crush on a real life person. And idk if the possibility of a queer platonic partnership with him is completely off the table, he didnt reall say, but it still scares me. And i still feel upset even though i liked him in a queer platonic way.

I think im scared. Scared and confused of what this means. We agreed that our friendship means a lot to the both of us and dont want to end it, but im still scared that this means im not going to be an important person in his life. Im so scared of being left. I just want to have that recognition that we are special people to each other. Im scared that what he said meant that we wont be as good friends anymore.

Ik it probably doesnt make much sense, i mean he said he couldn't see us being romantic not being platonically close, and tbh our time dating was rlly just a friend expansion pack, legit just felt the same as when we were "just friends" but i still miss it. I think I liked feeling special. And important. I liked that there was a sort of mutual appreciation and friendship. I dont want the hanging out to end and i dont want to stop giving little gifts to each other or doing things for each other.

Ive never had a best friend before and hes the closest thing ive had to one. And the closest thing ive had to a crush. Idk hes an important person in my life. I was hoping to take him to prom. And yeah ik highschool relationships rarely last but i hoped that itd last longer than this. Maybe i should talk to him, get some reassurance that this doesnt mean im less important to him. Idk.

And maybe this isnt helping my increasing amount of fomo surrounding my friends and feeling that im everyones second or third or fourth etc choice. That everyone is closer with each other than anyone is with me. Im bad at friendships. Im bad at being close to people. I think my brain actively goes against it. Like i like people well enough and do enjoy my friends company, but theres something missing and I just feel detatched. Its probably the dissociation. Or the plethora of other issues i got. Idk.

Im mad at myself for being upset about this. And part of me does wonder if theres something wrong with me because this school year two separate real life people showed interest in me only to change their mind after 2 dates. This time its worse because i actually liked him back and am good friends with him. Goddamn it why does this hurt so much, i really hope my dramatic ass won't ruin our friendship bc my brains bs.

But yeah im scared that my basically closest friend doesnt feel like im his closest friend. And itll be the same as it has been for years, my friendship being weak to others but strong to me because weak is my strong. Idk im rambling. Damn.

#rejection sensitive dysphoria #rejection sensitivity #rejection #break up #angst #aromantic #aroace #aromantic spectrum #gay #mlm #nblm #vent #idk what my prom plans are rn #queer platonic #qpr #queer platonic relationship #greyromantic #fml #best friend #friendship #advice? #dissociation #depersonalization #derealization #actually autistic #actually adhd #oop #pain #:( #dumped

[hgsn-moved]

ok this isnt a tumblr person (theyre an irl) but i am sooo annoyed with them and they are like. The only part of school i completely hate rn. anyways im a senior and theyre the same grade as me and they act literally the exact same as her freshman year... pansexual theatre kid who WILL sing loudly in public and acts like shes in charge of EVERYTHING when they arent even like. A teachers assistant just a student. They never get lead roles in theatre (bc they. arent a great actor or singer or dancer or anything???) Like theyre... fine at some things but they project their voice ALL THE TIME for no reason and interupt students and teachers contantly to correct them and theyre barely right (AND NOT IN CHARGE? THEY HAVE NO AUTHORITY?) and like. Ugh theyre annoying in general and theyre Christian (which isnt inherently bad but most of the school is lgbt in some way and a loooot of people are uncomfortable with christians especially when you start reciting??? Bible passages???????) Anyways theyre kind of a dick about it and she gets suuuuper hissy when someone asks her to not project her voice across the whole classroom while talking abt christian shit and they genuinely act like some gay high schoolers not liking christianity makes the religion unpopular and controversial and like. shes never said it directly but she acts like shes oppressed for talking abt the bible. the other day she called the old or new testament "too pc" like bruhhhhh it was written so fucking long ago and anyone saying "pc" is a red flag for me. oh and this isnt like the worst things btw. (1/?)

She complains about cancel culture. All the fucking time but not in a reasonable way, no just a freak way bc they dont care abt racist musicians and stuff like that bc??? Idk???? Last week or so she said to my face "haha i kinda do ship the beatles like they were sooo gay for each other like omg" and the amount of violence i felt... like i was gritting my teeth so hard my orthodontist is gonna be mad at me, thank fuck for masks bc i could not handle them with my whole face out there. Anyways they talked abt shipping the Beatles more lately BUT i was talking to a friend and apparently in their (the og person) freshman year they talked to my friend abt their house being haunted by famous ghosts (they said this to me too) BUT THEY APPARENTLY SAID THEY HAD GHOST SEX WITH ONE OF THE BEATLES?????????????????? i wouldve left my school if i heard that freshman year but my friend said she said that to her and hhhhh. she told me in our freshman year that was communicating with freddie mercurys ghost and that he had a crush on her and it was soooo weird but telling ppl u had ghost sex???¿?¿?¿?¿??¿????shes also said shes in love with the beatles like. Romantically and like this is off topic but they never listen to people and always interrupt with what they want to talk abt and WILL and HAS yelled at me and people around me for saying we don't like/dont care abt the beatles and its so fuckinf annoying. if it couldn't get worse, shes a hardcore dreamsmp stan AND KEEPS THINKING SHE CAN TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM and talking abt how she's cosplaying one of the characters for halloween and jow theyre soooo funny and something somethjng doesnt support dream bc of his FICTIONAL MINECRAFT CHARACTER not even his racist shit but still likes the smp and i want to rip my hair out abt her. i had a drean i yelled at her for the. Everything and it was sooooooo cathartic or whatever and the closest high ive gotten is talking shit abt her and staring directly at her while saying it while theyre talking to someone else bc theyre so self absorbed they never notice. Ok this is kinda minor comparatively but they wear like 1-2 inch heels all the time and like. fucking stomp in them everytime they walk to make it sound louder but they act casual abt it and talk abt how its sooo cool they make noise when theyre really being loud as hell on purpose (its so fuckinf obvious) and they always give me terrible advice (i wanted to work at this place and i was mentioning how they were hiring a manager FOR THREE RESTAURANTS and they immeaditely said i shouldve applied bc i was qualified and everyone there was ??? that doesnt make any sense but they didnt back down and it was so stupid like im 17 why the fuck would i manage three restaurants with no prior experience???? but they always assume shit and act like its fact and its literally gotten kids in trouble and they always divert blame its infuriating) AND they keep bragging abt how many ex boyfriends theyve had and like........ idk if theyre counting ghost sex with the beatles in that but they very much could be. ALSOOO they misgender kids all the fucking time and dont apologize or correct themself AT ALL but whine abt their one second cousin of theirs maybe possibly being transphobic with no evidence and talk abt how hard it is when they live thousands of miles away and barely talk like shut upppp!!! also the people they misgender are almost ALWAYS transfem and theyre tme and its. Very uncomfortable and they touch ppl without consent a lot (not excessively but Enough) and also they call me a bitch all the time in a "friendly" way even tho ive told them i dont like it and they call me hispanic when ive told them to call me latino and UGH. i think im done but i fucking hate them so much i hope they die -_- (2/2)

#asks #transmisogyny #Christianity tw #transphobia #dsmp tw #ns4w ment #ask to tag

[yakocchi]

Becoming a Family With Him, Part 3 // Shuichi, Hikaru, Rhion, Luke, Eisuke

so this came out, as further celebration for the anni. VERY GOOD, much more appreciated than the prior story set lol that one was kind of boring but i get it

they made the kids for all the... kid-less ones, and the eisuke one that used to be VIP-exclusive is now here for everyone to buy (rip those ppl who gacha for it)

my rambling behind the cut (spoilers!!)

shuichi // as ud expect, shuichi has a literal hime ass looking girl (kikyo) for a daughter. she’s only 6, but is pretty calm and ladylike. She even calls her parents with –sama so... ok luckily shuichi does not strip down all the way in the presence of her daughter and only takes off his suit coat. thanks dad

anyway since shuichi has a break coming up, he wants to have a family trip how nice. but then the dang girl wants to go over to see eisuke WHAT when soryu exists and lives a block away? unrelatable, im closing the app anyway eisuke is her first love, which wtf he’s like 20 yrs older than u. even worse, mc says she’s been in love since she was like 3.

shuichi is reconsidering the benefits of democracy in his mind but eventually relents. but then they’re still following the fucc-days rule they set years ago. well, as he says in the story, RULES ARE RULES

blah blah i don’t want to go over everything bc then it’ll be boring reading the story when it comes out in engl right? also im tired bc it’s 1 am and i just want to play toontown in bed but nothing really bad happens. they are a v cute family bc shuichi is a pleasant and mature dad. kikyo and mc even do a little surprise for him at the end and it is very sweet. i feel like out of all the families, this is the most ideal

mad hatter // so they have twin sons named Rui and Kai. Rui is the childlike one that resembles Rhion in personality, Kai is the more mature one that resembles Al. man i forget that boy’s name but u get me i know they only can use stock bgs but it’s killing me that these dang kids get to sleep in what looks like separate king sized beds.

even though rhion is now a father of two, he still acts like... 10. i mean he still horni but it makes me feel weird

later it’s revealed that Ota teaches them both as an art tutor bc they both showed an interest in art. this is cute bc ota is bad with kids in this universe LOL

the ending on this one was weird cuz the kids didn’t show up in the entirety of the last ep bc it was about WORK. so uh... interesting

hikaru // so their son is named akari. haha get it because it means light. like how hikaru also means light. can mc name her kids unrelated to their father or is that against the Geneva convention

this kid actually acts like an actual little boy. like what hikaru would’ve probably turned into if not for the whole sad backstory. the story starts with akari just bringing a dog randomly home one day. he actually saved the dog (it is very cute bc he did not want the dog to cry), and then after a talk they decide to keep the dog as long as akari knows the responsibility of taking care of an animal.

so next day, the bidders come over to their house and everyone’s like woaw a dog. lol they come into their house as guests and eisuke and mamo still demand for beverages, they all suck

akari names the dog... “Light” (Raito) and i want out of this nightmare. Naturally bc Light is an abandoned dog it’s still kind of bad with interacting with things. But then Light suddenly be giving the ( ╹ਊ╹) to soryu bc remember, animals love him. everyone clowns on soryu for being an unintentional dog whisperer and then akari is like “soryu san pls make me ur apprentice” and he gives some advice like approaching it slowly, and talking to it from the front instead of back.

blah blah there’s a situation where Light goes YEET after a Doberman gets all angry and then hides bc then another dog is scaring it. hikaru swoops in to the save the day as the Real Dog Whisperer. ok it’s cute when hikaru actually gets to look cool  for once LOL

luke // luke is cute on the bc “pre-story” scene he’s actually pretty open to the idea of having kids; he actually goes “well imo we should think abt it pretty soon, but i wanted to hear ur opinion on it” but then he gets horni. and then he’s like “our kids are going to have your collarbones. awesomeee im looking forward to that” ....ok

ok cut to the actual story and they’re in Japan. Luke’s kid looks... strange versus the others. why are his eyes so big? omg voltage his eyes arent going to be saucers just cuz he half white also the kid’s name is Yuri (Or Urey). They couldn’t think of any other Brit-styled names? Like Harry? Henry? William? Wilfred? hey stan be my princess btw he’s pretty cute, though he gives serious “timid kid that gets bullied in the children’s movie” vibes. He calls Luke “daddy” and mc “mammy/mommy”.

so luke talks about his relationship w/ soryu and eisuke and then yuri is like “i want friends like that” wow cute but also find less ethically-complicated friends

so luke lets yuri meet a young patient of his (haru) so they can be friends. they get along so it’s good. haru gets in critical condition later so luke zooms outta there to do the operation.

LOL but at the end yuri is like, “i want to make more friends. (...) can i go to the bidder’s room from now on?” this boy works fast

And then he’s like “Eisuke-san... please be my friend.” HIS POWER. even eisuke was like :O so then eisuke orders a whole bunch of food and books up to the penthouse. But then yuri’s like “...i like eisuke’s eyes” and everyone’s like oh man that’s gonna be his fetish

Baba: why have u started to have an interest in eyes Yuri: I read it from one of daddy’s medical books Hikaru: wtf u can read that at 4??? (...) Soryu: wat Yuri: um... i want soryu to be my friend too Yuri: bc soryu’s eyes are also powerfully cool...

eisuke // ok this gets an extended ramble bc the more annoying the story the longer i must complain

so you might be thinking, “oh so this is gonna be a flashback in some in media res styled story with your 2 kids, u know in the style of the others” and well, no you just go straight to white screen into the flashback, back when eito was smaller and thus a little more cute. well it’s not really false advertising bc they did say “reminisce” in the description. but i wanted to see eito be a good big brother for a moment! or... less good? man i wanted to see kaito go waaaah like a baby idk i wanted to see him exist

so back to the story they cut to small eito. even as a smaller punk he does fight with his dad a little, just w/ a more narrow vocabulary to work with. tho at this point he’s still pretty sweet so clearly eisuke clowning him day and night was a negative effect on his development. (doesn’t treat his child like a child) (child grows up to a punk that doesn’t respect him) (surprised pikachu) being the son of a billionaire means that this child has to go study at a very young age and listen to MOZART. no child of eisuke ichinomiya will be listening to degenerate bops like lee taemin’s criminal next day they all go to the very fancy school that eito will be attending. eisuke does a speech, but then eito is all like “why is papa over there all the time” in reference to how all the other parents in attendance are having fun with their children, but eisuke is busy talking to other people for business and connections etc. etc. mc kind of has a hard time trying to explain it to eito bc... it’s honestly poor parenting... eiji shows up after arriving late, and he’s like “gramps is gonna be with ya today! instead of papa” which is cute but then she’s like psst thanks for coming and im like oh... so grandpa just didn’t randomly come to the open house for fun he’s just gonna be surrogate dad while real dad is busy... aw... and then at the end eito’s like FUC THIS KINDERGARTEN. eisuke is like “(smh) don’t yell in public. (despite everything) you are still the eldest son of the Ichinomiya family”

and so afterwards it’s clear that eito does not want anything to do with this school. he just sits in the classroom until mc is there to pick him up instead of playing in the courtyard or w/e, wanting nothing to do with the other kids.

so later there’s a hiking trip for the students and both of their parents, and mc asks eisuke if he’ll be available for it. eisuke is like, “i have a business trip that day, so I’ll have to adjust my schedule” and he’s been very busy in the opening of a new business or w/e. mc tells him to not do so much for something like that and that it’s ok if she goes alone with eito on the trip.

it’s the day of the trip, and mc goes alone with eito. she notes that a lot of dads did indeed come along for the trip. she apologizes to eito and says that she did talk to eisuke about the trip before, but he’s simply busy for this day. and im like... but girl, you were the one who told him not to change his schedule for the trip. yes a trip may seem less important than business ventures, but don’t make it sound like you weren’t the one who stopped him. lol. idk why im pressed abt this single line of dialogue bc later she does realize she fucced up there well eito is just like w/e about it and has pretty much accepted that sort of thing

anyway eito goes missing later and one of the kids said that he told eito that his dad (eisuke) didn’t come bc his dad thinks that his work is more important than his son. so eito got mad and ran off somewhere

and then mc finally gets the lightbulb moment that eito... wants to see his dad!! he ran off to go try to see him somehow??? !! wow so sweet

it’s raining like a mf but then in her search for eito eisuke randomly pops out of nowhere. He’s like “ho i did not remember saying that i wasn’t coming” and she’s like “im sorrryyy” and both me and him are like “just find the dang kid”

ok yea they find eito, he starts being a good student, and u start to see where he starts being antagonistic towards his dad LOL etc. etc. lol this story annoyed me so i don’t feel like doing the rest of the play by play orz

anyway thanks for reading my garbage LOL

#kbtbb #kissed by the baddest bidder #spoilers

[redxblueihateloveyou]

i don’t get where ur getting jealousy from reki? rewatch the rain scene, not once does he blame anything on langa, nor does he even begin to imply that he’s upset at langa for being good. the closest he gets is calling langa a “crazy genius,” which honestly is fair lol he’s insanely quick at picking up skateboarding.

he’s mad at himself, and he’s asking what he’s doing wrong to not be improving as quickly as someone who just got introduced to his favorite activity. on top of that, he’s scared for langa (which is why he made him promise not to skate against adam in the first place — he could’ve so easily killed reki, and he doesn’t want langa in that position), and now he’s hearing that langa’s going to skate against him anyway.

imo making everything going on with reki into a “he’s jealous and overreacting” situation feels a lot like diminishing the character the writers gave him.

I didn’t even get why you wrote this at first. Tbh kinda weird judging about how I feel about the “whole thing going on with his character” by like two of my lines of the after-episode yelling about the one thing I didn’t appreciate. I in fact didn’t write any character analisys, I just yelled about that one thing: that I didn’t like that he was jealous. I also didn’t write that that was the whole reasoning behind his behavior and literally anything of what you said, so I do not know where you got this.

While I completely agree with all these reasonings you’ve listed behind him being so upset, the one that shines the most and shown the most is “I’m not as talented as you all” and “look at them shining so bright and I am not”. Yes, he’s partially scared for Langa, but that’s not once in his focus. His focus is comparing himself to others and not in a way “yeah, I’m not like that, but I can be great too”, but in a way “why am I not like that”. Why can’t I jump as high? Why am I not as brave/adrenaline addict cause “you find this fun. I’m just scared”. 

And one of the definitions of jealousy is “being unhappy and slightly angry because you wish you had someone else’s qualities, advantages, or success”. So like, you’re telling me you don’t get where am I getting jealousy from him.. like as in you don’t get it even a bit?

I’m in no way saying that that’s all that he feels, I just wrote that I was upset about this being a part of it, cause I do not respect this trait, even tho it’s natural for many people. 

He didn’t imply that he’s upset that Langa is good and I’ve never said that anywhere. But he did make him feel bad about being so good. That’s like different things.

I get like why he got majorly triggered when he heard about everyone calling him “Langa’s friend”. It’s completely understandable yeah, you know I’d get triggered too, that’s kinda humiliating, you know, I’m the first one who always yells “you can’t be someone else’s trail”. But it’s the way he deals with this whole thing that I don’t like.

Also he’s not actually thinking about what he’s doing wrong, he’s mopping and pitying himself. 

I’ll try to explain why I dislike his position on other examples like this in sports animes. In KNB there’s Tatsuya. He also was good at basketball, but wasn’t naturally talented as GOM and Kagami, he actually honed his skills to point where he got so flawless he could fight on the same level with the raw talent. He in fact didn’t give up and be like “well, life gave you all talent, but not me so fuck this”, the only thing that bothered him is that Kagami would pity him and wouldn’t play against him full strength.

Then there is Kuroko. He also was always on the background and never chosen as 1st or even 2nd line-ups no matter how hard he trained. He cried alone, yes, but did he ever threw tantrums at GOM about how they’re so lucky that they crazy geniuses? No. He was depressed, yes, but not AT them, making them feel bad that he’s “not like them”. With a help of one he found a different way in which he can actually even beat all of them. And mind the fact, they ARE crazy talented. And he did want to proove himself SO bad to them. I think what GOM loved so much about him is the fact that he in fact never treated them as these “unreachable stars”, he was like “yes, I am not you, it’s true, I’m completely different, I don’t shine bright. but does it mean that I’m worse than you? heck no.”

You see where I’m getting with this? They just took it differently. Like “yes. I am in fact not as talented. so what?”

Reki right now on the other hand reminds me of those dudes, who stopped playing in the middle of the match, because Aomine was too good at basketball, so “what’s the point of us even trying”.

Also I do not like his priorities, I guess, but that’s my problem as a shipper already. Cause I can’t help but compare, since the parallels are everywhere and it’s Utsumi. Rin and Haru had this misunderstanding, where Haru thought he hurt Rin by beating him in swimming, but all that Rin thought at this moment was “my god I’m trash, I can’t even fulfill my dead dad’s dream”. He also has like low self-esteem and was afraid to fail, but at the end literally all he was mad about in the 1st season is that he thought his feelings weren’t mutual and *cries on top Haru* “I just wanted to swim with you” and that’s literally like he said his forever unchanging thing he wants in his life... to swim with him.

He literally like never ever treated Haru any differently bc he’s flawless at swimming from birth and got like “well duh, easy for you, you’re like this” (but that’s maybe cause he’s also very talented in my opinion, despite the fact that he mostly works hard for it his life), cause it sounds well a bit wrong in my opinion, like “you’re lucky you were born like this, but not everyone is that lucky, so yeah, think about that all day while I won’t talk to you”. He instead writes dithyrambs   about how beautifully he moves, how his stamina is so great and laughs and with love says “awww my monster” like it excites him that Haru is like that, but when Reki said that crazy genius thing on Langa’s face was written like “in this case I wish I wasn’t”.

And this barely talking with Langa moment at school was kid’s behavior. At this point it’s like his main priority is to make Langa feel bad (which I’m sure he deep down doesn’t want, but still does it). The only thing this will lead him to is Langa not skating either.

I feel like it all goes to him failing bc he’s clearly not in the mood and he won’t be on top of his game and only then Reki I’m guessing will wake up, but that to me would be unsatisfying for some reason idk. Anyways I’m still hoping for them to surprise me.

So far I’m just not the fan of his way of dealing with this. Also so far Langa priority is to be with Reki and enjoy skating with him, but Reki’s priority is “Why can’t I be like that?”

I’d rather see them playing it out like he can’t skate at full patential bc of the trauma of seeing his friend hurt, than just go make boards and not try other ways of beating the talents, but that’s another story already. Anyways to me these last 4 episodes will be crucial to me when it comes to how I will feel about his character. It just can become a big “meh” still. Depends on how it goes. In whichever way it ends it can still be a cute ship, but I’d just personally want it to be you know THE ship. Will see.

#answered #anonymous #sk8 #anime #reki kyan #sk8 the infinity #sports anime

[caandlelit]

omg werewolf matsukawa elaborate i want dem hcs

ok so ive got this horrible word doc with my jambled mess of a concept for this witch makki werewolf matsun fic im writing its like 3% done expect it within 2 business years

(edit. this post is too long but i cant stop typing this is good)

werewolf matsun is the SEXIEST idea ever anyone thats done it is doing gods work because that shit is hot . its fucking sexy okay

in my barely formed au he becomes a werewolf in third year

he hears about weird sounds in the forest at night ok

and he convinces witch hanamaki that they shld camp out and see what it is 

because he’s been so interested in the witchy supernatural shit since even before he met him 

and hanamaki is like okay fine But im wearing my warding pendent and matsukawa is like WHEN WILL U ADMIT YOU’RE A WITCH and hanamaki, mid-putting on his witch hat, ruffles his hair and says idk what ur talking about

they camp out and they’re just bantering and its cute and fun for 2 hours then

matsun hears growling and snapping noises and he’s like hanamaki stay in the fuckin tent 

and obviously hanamaki is like on god that is the stupidest thing uve ever said issei no

 and matsukawa steps outside and he holds a hand back to stop makki and he steps out and looks around, eyes narrows 

and he’s like … straightening up and furrows his brows and ‘theres nothing here’ 

and he feels like everything is slow and odd and unreal and he turns and sees bright, yellow eyes and he hears the snarl and jerks back 

and he’s being attacked and leaped upon and he shouts curses and screams and theres sharp teeth at his side and the smell of matted fur 

and hanamaki sprints out and ?? magic spells it away (leave me alone) 

what is the spell? what kindof witch is hanamaki? what does he say?

(begone thot!) 

the wolf creature howls and thuds off, fast and loping and hanamaki turns and he’s panicked and is like ‘issei? oh FUCK’

matsukawa is like fuck fuck fuck 

leaning against a tree and lightheaded and he collapses, head back against the trunk and sweat pouring down his temples, iron in his mouth where hes biting his tongue to keep from scremaing at the sharp pain

touches his side and his fingers come away bloody 

his breath is heavy and hes like takahiro im dying 

and hanamaki’s dropping down beside him and lifts his arm and says shut the fuck up you’re not dying you asshole and hes sniffling 

and matsuns like im sorry i dragged u out here and hanamaki’s like shut up shut up. issei. shit . issei you were right 

and hes like wh what was i right about and hes like you were right. im a witch . and youre not fucking dying here, asshole

issei mumbles fuck yeah and does like a little fist pump

and he whispers a spell to carry him over back to his house 

and he bandages him up and matsun is tired and in pain and staring at him in the moonlight 

MONDAY

go to school and matsun has white bandages wrapped around his side hidden under his shirt and hes a little scraped up even though hanamaki healed and cleaned up as much as he could

someones like oooh matsukawa your arm is scraped up wtf 

and hes like yeah man i got in a fight to protect takahiros honor 

makki’s like yeah…. :/// he lost 

and matsuns like shut up asshole and theyre laughing and theyre good theyre okay 

half way through the school day, long and tired and the bell seems louder and harsher and shriller and everything is too bright and loud and making his eyes and ears hurt 

in the bathroom matsun takes off the tape bc hes feeling nauseous and everything feels a little too much for some reason hes assuming bc of the wound, maybe its infected

and he checks it while hes inside and the bandages come off and 

its clean no bite no blood no mark 

and he stares at it and says what the fuck and texts hanamaki 

and hanamaki sees the text and its just ‘SOS BATHROOM NOW PLELASE’ 

asks his teacher to let him go to the bathroom and he steps into the bathroom and matsun spins around and gestures at his side and chest wordlessly 

hanamaki like blinks at the sight of matsuns abs and then blinks again at the healed skin and hes like what the fuck  

so

he has sharper vision and sense of smell and hearing 

and hes like takahiro……..everything feels horrible and too much and hanamaki’s like ok so what do u want me to do knock u out so u don’t feel anything? and matsukawa’s like huh actually and hana’s like Shut up Dumbass

werewolf matsukawa suddenly stronger and hanamaki so so bitter about it ignoring his personal ‘im attracted to him’ feelings and pretending hes mad abt the super strength

matsukawa’s eyes glinting yellow on occasion and hanamaki trying not to scream bc god that’s sexy

the day they see the healed skin they like walk home silent and shell shocked 

matsukawa staring hollowly at the sidewalk his posture lost

hanamaki squinting off into the distance

makki opening his mouth angrily at one point

only to close it defeatedly bc he cant even……

a conversation in hanamaki’s bedroom along the lines of 

‘issei why is my life literally teen wolf why am I stiles from teen wolf’ 

matsun perks up ‘oh that’s dylan o briens character right? does that make me derek !!!’ 

and hanamaki turns from where hes muttering angrily and squints at him and says slowly

‘why the fu- dude? u r scott ??? because u are a FUCKING WEREWOLF ??????? why would u be derek ???? ur my best friend that turned into a GODDAMN WEREWOLF-‘ 

‘okok calm down hiro fine fine chill out‘ 

matsuns like slumping like ‘ugh, scott. i don’t wanna be scott hes painfully straight-‘ 

and hanamakis like throwing his hands up and shouting like ‘SO THEN !! why would u want to be derek!!!’ 

and issei’s like ‘…….nevermind we r not in the state to have a conversation about teen wolf, a show neither of us finished and obviously dont have any knowledge about’

im gonna have it properly set in 2013 itll be so cringey and fun

matsukawa also has insomnia and and gets migraines sometimes 

and hanamaki’s witchy incense smelling house and bedroom having him nodding off so easily and he sleeps over a lot 

especially after he gets bitten, because the migraines get worse

moreso near the full moon

and he comes in through the window and hanamaki is half asleep but always automatically pulls up his blanket and lets him in

big spoon matsun

he curls into his chest as best as he can, pressed tight between the wall and matsukawa

also i have this 

italics: makki

bold: mattsun

list of signs pointing towards issei probably being a werewolf: 

got bit by a giant dog-creature the bite mark disappeared next day (???? freaky shit)

sudden super healing and durability (useful for when oikawa serves the ball into your head – lmfao)

sudden heightened senses (my headaches r .. multiplying - :( )

sudden super strength (fuck u issei – i didn’t ask to be bitten takahiro – oh no u were bitten how sad for u and ur six pack – the werewolf actually decided i deserve super strength bc of how cool i am – and immeasurable pain every full moon too huh ???? – ...sacrifices were made)

90% sure he got stupider – sign of a dog brain ?? (FUCK OFF – do u want me to explain what a percentage is <3 – no </3)

hair growth (wtf does that mean ??? – it means i suddenly have more chest hair its very weird – ngl to u u were already pretty hairy -  fucker)

eyes turn yellow sometimes (wait, really????? – yes its so fucking weird – that sounds fucking epic actually – no comment)

big dick energy went up the ROOF (ok that’s enough asshole – tell me im lying hiro.)

edit: ok the full moon happened we’re all traumatized and hes definitely a FUCKING werewolf.

ill finish this as a fic one day ill post when i do

might also make a useless porno oneshot with just werewolf matsukawa and ? possibly dancer makki im very into dancer makki atm

long post im very sorry but !!!! thanks for the ask 

#ask #digimondestined #matsuhana #my writing #matsukawa issei #hanamaki takahiro #it is 2:30 am #goodnight guys #haikyuu #this is a fuckin mess and my word doc is even messier #hq

[hackedmotionsensors]

you ever read a text message that’s two months late bc you ignore most messages that come onto your phone becase 99% of them are the damned group chat that you hardly participate in or spam calls from democrats making sure you vote to keep Newsome (I’m gonna please stop texting me) or they’re from your weekly trip to get poke letting you know your poke bowl is ready.

And that message is a scathing reply from the guy you didn’t want to talk to in the first place who 1) made you cry because he made you feel stupid but you didn’t say anything so you got a little bit bitchy in response the next time you played games (my bad obviously) but you also took a few weeks away from playing said game because it felt toxic to you. You felt like hey maybe this isn’t for me if this is the vibe. Also you had other things you wanted to do on a saturday night no offense. So then you go and tell your IRL friend about this who’s a mutual acquaintence about what was going on and just that it made you cry bc you had to get it off your chest or you were going to explode. And then that guy goes and asks HER about it and she tells him (thanks a lot) and then HE turns it into a big deal when all you wanted to do was let it fester and then pass hoping that your ADHD would eventually let it go (shocker it actually did)

2) he then HOUNDS you over the phone because HE JUST WANTS TO TALK CAN’T WE TALK ABOUT THIS LIKE ADULTS. And you are physically and mentally not okay to talk about it. This has never happened to you before. People, men especially, never want to TALK THINGS OUT. They just assume I’m a bitch (i am) and treat me as such. I’m okay with that. I don’t want to talk about how you made me cry for nearly a week straight or how I wanted to kinda k-word myself because I felt so stupid and that I was basically a wreck on this whole situation on top of being unemployed for so long on top of a pandemic on top of not being able to see my family for well over a year. LoL I messed up the pronouns at this point but oh well. (are I and you pronouns? Idk I’ve been out of school for a very long while)  So yes you create a slightly bigger problem by not answering the phone. But the other reason this pops off like this is because he messaged me in the group chat. Again a thing I do not check bc I don’t like group chats. I don’t like getting multiple messages all at once because the messaging gives me anxiety or something. It sets me on edge. Probably to do with my ADHD but if I’m trying to think of something else and my phone is blowing up its easier for me to just turn the volume off. HOWEVER on this occassion I accidentally let my phone die. ITS A REALLY OLD PHONE. And because of the pandemic the only people who call me are my mom and dad. Literally no one else except for my good friend Scam Likely.  So I missed his initial question to me which he took as being a slight. So then he starts calling me demanding I talk to him.” Is it too much to ask for a conversation” KIND OF RIGHT NOW DUDE. So then i reply about how look i can’t do this right now. I’m kind of stressed about a lot of stuff (i was) I don’t really have the ability to talk right now. Then a week or so later he asks me again. That was also when I fucking poisoned myself lmfao So I say I can’t talk today why don’t we talk tomorrow. So then I waited all day for him to call. No call came. So I figured. Fine. You were the one who wanted to talk to me. I’m not going to call you . I didn’t want to make a big fucking deal about this in the first place. I wanted to sit in my shame hole and cry and then get over it.

So then.

I forgot.

I didn’t forget about all this I just sorta forgot about the phone call bc he never called me back. I didn’t realize in his mind I was supposed to call HIM.

3) he waits a month and then sends me that scathing text. How I’m a bad friend to his girlfriend (who I’m actually friends with but maybe not anymore bc of all this). He tells me how I was as rude to him as he was to me (I called him fat legs and admittedly it was harsh and mean [he’s not fat by any means but it wasn’t cool] and I felt bad about it. HOWEVER. I HIGHLY DOUBT HE SPENT THE FOLLOWING WEEK CRYING AND WANTING TO DIE. SO. IDK MAN. Also I got meaner AFTER the crying fit. So. Yknow. Not cool and not mature absolutely and I’ll apologize for that for sure. But I highly doubt I was the forefront of your mind whereas I had trouble getting out of bed or wanting to idk LIVE??? I’m not gonna blame this on ADHD but there is 100% a thing I suffer from and that’s that compounded rejection behavior where a simple rejection or feeling of rejection its PROFOUNDLY TAKEN BAD. Its probably gotten worse since I have no human outlet to talk to. Especially since the last person I tried to talk to ratted me out. 

So I miss this huge text message basically telling me that I’m a bad friend. To not talk to him ever again. If I ever say anything to him he’s going to call me out. How I’m immature and a bad person. How I got mad over “mario kart” (that wasn’t what it was about) and that’s really stupid.

So yknow. I had to reply to that. But at this point its two+ months late. So it doesn’t even matter at this point. I’ve basically lost a friend I really really liked and thought the world of because of her fiance treating me like ....I don’t even know what this treatment is but he got really bossy and in my face about this and I come from a family where we either hold a grudge or scream at the top of our lungs at each other. I’ve never once been hounded like that. Which I mean is probably ACTUALLY the mature response. I don’t even know. It doesn’t matter now because I fucked it all up and I feel even more stupid than I did before. I want to talk to someone about this but I literally can’t. 

Do NOT reblog this because its super personal and embarassing and I’ll probably delete it later anyway.

I was having a pretty fun day (albeit having it start late which I don’t like) until I saw this literally as I was leaving the house..

#do not reblog #personal

[koishua]

it's ranting into the online abyss at midnight time. pt 2 to "things i never got to tell my shrink because i don't have one yet" except this time, i do, but it's still awkward with her, so I'm info-dumping here instead, because i am afraid of annoying someone by directly messaging them to talk about things

tw: mentions of death and panic attacks ig

attachment issues... except it's reversed.

call me heartless, i really do not give a shit. i have never missed anybody since I was the age of eleven. never got attached to anybody, couldn't care less if they suddenly up and left far away yada yada.

i really do not care.

i think it stems from the fact that i have changed schools yearly. every year a new city/country and after some point around sixth grade... idk maybe i kinda stopped caring about the ppl i have left behind??

not to sound rude and narcissistic or anything, but i don't care about any of you. my friends cried over me leaving every time and i just- idk my last impression on them was probably ruthless, bc i just... didn't say goodbye BC I couldn't be bothered to?

I had a good time with you, but a few months will pass and I WILL forget your name and face. gone. proof. nada. you don't exist anymore.

also, what annoys me is the fact that I've probably made over a hundred 'friends'/acquaintances by now and each time I leave the class, it feels like I am obligated to remember each and every classmate and meanwhile, all they have to do is remember one girl.

idk that always pisses me off out of nowhere. it's the guilt. meh. I'm NOT obligated to remember y'all's faces while all 100 of you get to just remember one name/face.

does that even make sense?

anyways.

my point is, to hell with friends.

why tf do people even need em anyways. they never ever last longer than nine months for me. why bother lmfao

and that, my people, is where my detachment issues come from beautifully.

also... empathy/sympathy??? where did THOSE fly off to?? like, besties, a woman is crying over her ex lover here. why are you just staring blankly there?? my heart hasn't ached for someone i know in years lmao

there are worse fucking problems in the world. chin up and take it you weak shit.

this applies to myself as well, like, why TF you getting panic attacks over grades you dipshit? babies are dying out there over nothing and dropping because of malnourishment and literal fucking war.

you don't get to cry, vera. suck it up and move on, woman. your life ain't some dramatic movie and you literally don't matter. no one will remember you after you die and you are so privileged like?? you have a solid nice house, nice car, nice food... who cares if you're mad or mentally unstable??

smile to boost your own serotonin levels by yourself and move. on. with. the . show.

and then another thought hits me.... why do i feel sad for people who have worse mental illnesses than I do and like, ???? she has it worse, he has it worse, your emotions don't really matter rn because she/he/they have it worse.

does anyone else feel that too?? probably a shit ton of you lmfao istg-

#“(r)”⸻ notes.

[lilolilyr]

Fics I Wanted To Write This Year But Didn't, Part 2: Star Trek AU

For @spookyvoidangelskeleton for this ask

Now I suppose these would have been several fics, but in a series or a collection as they're all about the same main storyline: The collapsing of a (or several) universe(s).

If you've known me for a while, you know that I am very into Multiverse Theory, both real life and fictional, and Star Trek with the Mirror Universe is of course one of the first fandoms that comes to mind for me to write my batshit ideas in xD

Basically, in my personal little (fictional, bc I know and understand 0 about real life physics or whatever would be relevant for this) multiverse theory, there are an infinite number of universes, evenly spread around the multiverse, and a new universe comes into existence when a timeline/universe (same thing) can go into 2 seperate ways naturally, or when there is timetravel involved to manually change a timeline: The original timeline won't be affected, you can't change what's already there, but a new changed timeline will be created.

Now, in some cases that works out well, with the timetraveller ending up in the new timeline and never knowing that their original universe is still out there- in other ways of time travelling, not so much. If the person trying to make a change manages to do just that but never notices, because they or a version of them is stuck in the orginal timeline, what do they do?

Try again, with the same result, many many times.

And that's where it gets problematic, because the multiverse gets unbalanced, and whether you see it as a sentient entity connected to the Qs in Star Trek or just as something that Works That Way automatically: the multiverse doesn't want to be out of balance, so the new universes start to collapse in on each other, creating a Splitter-verse and leaving its inhabitants to a fate arguably worse than death (in this fictional world): they completely stop to exist. This doesn't just affect the new universes but the surroundings ones, which would have split earlier and are already more different from each other, too, to make sure the one that was the cause for it all falls, too.

Now (of course, because I can't help myself) this would be part of @thelucyverse , with there being Central people trained in spotting such time anomalies before it is too late, but with there also being time-bombs (yeah hahah) created in inter-universal wars to create smaller, controlled splitter-verses (I say small and controlled here but like. We're still talking about entire universes), and with Central having back-up plans to get people out of the 'verses, in order as follows: anyone visibly IDing as Central (the organisation is still largely volunteer-based, shit's got to have some perks), then everyone whose energy indicates recent travel in-between universes, as these are also most likely to a) be Central and b) be okay in a new 'verse, after that, if there is still time and anyone willing to go back into the falling universe, children as they are also more likely to adapt in a new world. If there is enough warning, they also get out whoever people Central members want to have saved, but usually it just turns into whoever stands close enough to grab and get the hell out of there.

Whether taking people out of a universe against their will is a good thing or nah is ...debatable and still being debated amongst those who do it and those who think that taking someone away from the possibility of dying death in their own universe is vile (as amongst most religions, it is thought that you can only reach the same afterlife as those who died in the same umiverse- but again most also think that there probably won't even Be an afterlife in a splitter-verse).

Sometimes, people are also pushed out of the universe by the explosion itself, but they then tend to die upon impact as they seldomly end up exactly at the coordinates where they left, which leaves them either suffocating in hard matter or in space.

If you want to use these ideas for your own fanfic feel free, just give me credit and link this post as inspired by/ link to my ao3 or @ my tumblr!

Anyhow! To Star Trek... and I suppose this is now SPOILERS not rly for any Star Trek canon but for these fanfics, if I do end up writing them!

I tend to forget which characters are canon and which are complete OCs because I spend Way more hours on tumblr and ao3 + thinking about my own headcanons than I spend consuming the original media, but I am fairly certain a canon Joana McCoy, daughter of Leonard 'Bones' McCoy exists? If no and I stole the idea from sb else's fanfic I am sincerely sorry. Gotta look that up.

In one universe close to what would be the centre of the splitterverse, Joana- as a young child nicknamed 'Jojo', but now as a young teen trying to get rid of the childish nickname- has a younger part-vulcan girl as a friend, and this girl, nicknamed Aka, has, through having sticky fingers and connections to Central, a device that allows you to jump between universes. She's used it before and gotten into a lot of trouble for it, but to her it had always been great fun- until reality is starting to collapse around them while she is visiting Joana, and Joana is the only person she can reach in time and take with her to the next universe.

Distraught, the children are left in a new world, debating what to do, waiting for Central to contact them, hoping that they saved their families- but of course, Central has quite some different problems right now and won't contact them any time soon, and even if they did it wouldn't be with news of their parents: the adult families of non-Central members who only happened to have jumped between universes before themselves are really not the top priority, and the universe is collapsing too quickly to even get down the prio list to 'children',

Aka wants to leave the universe again and look for Central elsewhere, hoping that her moving around will attract their attention. Joana has enough from universe jumps for a lifetime. Thus, they part ways.

While Aka at some point does run into a group of Central troubeshooters who more or less adopt her as one of their own and teach her how to work their equipment and use magic and weapons and starships (not what a child her age should be learning. But then, none of the adults there ever signed up to be a parent, so who's to blame them), Joana goes looking for her family in this world.

Now I could write entire novels about Akas adventures and how it may or may not be healthy to not have a home at all and decide to not rely on anybody instead of either finding new versions of her original parents or letting someone new into her life properly (spoileralert: it isn't healthy at all), and how meeting a girl from one of the original splitter-verses (the not bombed ones) telling her not to make the same mistakes she made finally makes her think about her choices and and and, but this post is already going to be Long so I won't. That would all be a seperate fanfic anyways.

Joana finds a girl her age who looks just like her and acts almost exactly like her, too- the only difference seems to be that there's no Aka around, which made this version of her less used to adventure but also less wary of it.

The version of Joana from this universe- she decides to call herself Joan when they are alone, while the Joana we already know goes with 'Jojo'- her once loathed childhood nickname now a connection to her past- is thrilled to meet her and begs her to stay, I mean what is cooler than suddenly having a twin, and won't it be fun there is so much they can do! As their parents are seperated, they manage to spend their time mostly at one of their homes, either together when the parent is too busy to notice that there are two kids around, or one at each place, guessing correctly that if the parents were to talk about it, they wouldn't even think of the possibility of there being two children and instead just get mad at each other.

This goes on for a few months during the summer, with Jojo feeling vaguely guilty both to her original dead parents and these new ones who think that she is their real daughter, and the girls are just deciding about what to do when school starts again when-

Reality breaks apart around them.

Jojo clings to Joan in fear, and- as Jojo is now on the list of people who have travelled between universes in the past, she is saved by Central, and Joan with her. They are placed into a universe further away this time, a safe distance to the only slowly contained Splitters.

Meanwhile, in the same universe, two people were currently out on a space-walk: Michael Burnham and Philippa Georgiou.

They are thrown out of the universe in the explosion, and as they are wearing their suits, they survive as they end up somewhere in space again, but- they don't end up in the same universe. Michael ends up about 20-30 years earlier in a universe further away, and she doesn't even end up in what would've been federation space in her old 'verse. Philippa is only thrown one universe to the left and picked up by Central. As Central likes to name their acquaintances in some way that makes it easier to identify just which version of a person you are talking to without having to add the long universe number (even harder when the universe was destroyed and there isn't a known number), they ask Philippa to pick a new name. She is way too rattled and desperate to go looking for Michael as quickly as possible to care about what name she is supposed to have, so she goes with the first option given to those who don't have their own nickname ideas: lastname for firstname, making her Georgiana, short Gia.

Through Central, she finds out that the universal explosion left her and Michael connected- but it won't be much help in the search, basically just a way to say 'alright this verse is closer to it than that one', it's still trial and error... (I could also involve some body switching here, idk I already wrote a long fanfic with that trope in the Andromaquynh fandom, but I happen to Like that trope so yeah maybe I'll recycle some parts of In Your Stead if I ever do manage to write this Milippa story. Which, btw, if not already obvious, would again be a seperate fic from the Joana universal-sister story. On the other hand, Aka runs into Georgiana a lot, even calling her 'auntie Gia').

Meanwhile, Michael doesn't have to jump through universes but make her way through just the one universe to get to federarion space. Except what she find's isn't the federation at all... you guessed it, the 'verse she ended up in is more similar to a mirrorverse than to Prime. However, the Georgiou of this world isn't the emperor yet, she's young and Michael is able to influence her enough over the years so that she turns her back to the Empire.

Yes, it takes years for Michael and Gia to find their way back to each other, maybe decades... they also wouldn't have spent exactly the same amount of time apart as they aren't in the same 'verse. In fact, Cleo of Central carefully tells Gia that Michael might have died by now, but of course Georgiana doesn't want to hear this.

Michael and that universe's Georgiou also get quite close, though Michael doesn't want to cheat on her Philippa... of course, after years of this, she might think that she will never see Philippa again... (We are approaching ot3 territory here lol, and I don't even want to think about the potential of ot7 with the two canon mirror and prime versions adsfghjkl because if I finish this story here, I would 100% write a lil fix it where Central! Gia Mikay and Phil go fish Mirror! Michael and Georgiou out of a splitter-verse into the next prime verse in which Michael already knows that Georgiou... and ad they're already at it they also get half dead! Prime Philippa away from the Klingons... heheh sounds like the kind of poly chaos I would enjoy writing, but sadly I have to make it through all the Plot first)

Anyway! Back to Jojo and Joan: they decide that while they maybe should have told Joan's family about Jojo's existence soon if they had stayed in that 'verse, the initial idea of staying with one's universals wasn't so bad, so they go looking for this universe's Joana McCoy. The girl- (nicknamed Anna, which makes Joan decide to change hers from Joan to June because she doesn't want to be half Jojo and half Anna), is happy enough to meet them, but often feels left out from the other two as they act as if they've known each other forever even though of course it's only been a few months... In turn, Jojo and June aren't sure whether Anna really wants them around, whether she might think they're trying to steal her life and family from her...

Lots of potential for conflict! Yay! XD would of course come to a happy ending, with at least Bones accepting his three daughters, dunno yet whether they'd tell the mom... also Aka ends up in the same universe at some point, together with a version of her vulcan birthmother who she had never known the original version of but now gets along with alright... oh and if I do write aforementioned Milippa ot7 bullshitery, this would also be the Prime!verse for that, so all stories in the series or collection interconnect again!

this got... long... and I could obviously go on but I need to go back to writing my Bachelor thesis :(

@whoever read through all of this, do let me know whether you like these ideas and which you would like to read proper fanfic for! Might influence future writing decisions.

#fanfic idea #lverse #thelucyverse #star trek #joana mccoy #joanna mccoy #jojo june anna #milippa #georgiana #x #lilo writes #lilo rambles #answered #spookyvoidangelskeleton #my post #mine #multiverse #dec'20 #22.12.20 #my milippa

[trensu]

Episode 6: the One Where LWJ is Drunk and Gets Married

YES, GUYS GALS AND NB PALS, WE ARE AT THIS MOST WONDERFUL EPISODE.

OUR FIRST INTRODUCTION TO DRUNKJ!LWJ

AND THE HANDFASTING THAT INSPIRED A MILLION FICS

Okay, to set the scene, we’ve got JC, NHS and WWX having a sneaky drinking party with Forbidden Alcohol

Obviously, LWJ can spidey-sense when a rule is being violently broken so he appears at the scene of the crime to BREAK UP THE PARTY (or possibly a threesome?? He’s not sure but he’s gonna put a stop to that immediately)

HIS SERIOUS BB FACE IS SUPER ADORABLE HERE, GUYS

LIKE, I’M MORE PARTIAL TO WWX BUT UGH, LWJ IS SO CUTE HERE???

IT’S AWFUL

WWX: *bounces right into lwj’s space* join us for a drink lan zhan!! We earned it after defeating the Haunted Water!!

LWJ: *stares over wwx’s shoulder* alcohol is forbidden in the cloud recesses

WHY WON’T YOU LOOK HIM IN THE FACE, LWJ?? IS IT BECAUSE HE’S SO CLOSE TO YOU SUDDENLY???

WWX: chill out dude *playfully tugs on lwj’s sleeve*

Oh man, the glare that lwj shoots at wwx’s hand here could have started a fire. I mean, it must have at least burned a little with how quickly wwx lets go

LWJ: Report to the Punishment Chamber

Did they have to call it ‘punishment chamber’??

It sounds like some kind of kinky sex dungeon, which, like, to each their own,(i’ll read some kinky sex dungeon fic every once and a while, myself)

But this is Ancient Fantasy China summer school…seems a little inappropriate in context

ANYWAY

WWX again tries to coax LWJ in to having a drink with them. He doesn’t understand how someone can just…not drink alcohol. Oh wwx, you budding alcoholic you

And here WWX nobly sacrifices himself to save his drunk buddies by distracting lwj (who was about to call for backup, like a narc) and pins some sort of mind-control talisman on him

Wwx: sit and have a drink with me!

Lwj: *sits down and takes a shot*

Lwj: *passes out*

Wwx: omg i killed him. WAKE UP YOU CAN’T STAY HERE!! YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM!! 

Wwx: *proceeds to gently guide lwj onto the bed*

You know after that initial panic, wwx looks too damn pleased with himself, especially after he gets lwj to call him wei-gege

Wwx suddenly notices that lwj’s ribbon is off kilter and informs him of it bc that’s what friends do

Wwx: your ribbon is crooked

Lwj: *scandalized gasp* crooked??

Why’s he so adorable when he’s drunk?? LOOK AT HIM TRYING TO SEE HIS OWN FOREHEAD AND GETTING ALL CROSS-EYED, WHAT A CUTIE

Wwx: i can help!! 

Lwj: *slaps wwx’s hand* Go Away

Wwx: you’re making it worse!!

Lwj: *slaps wwx’s hand away harder* DON’T TOUCH! THE RIBBON IS ONLY FOR FAMILY AND SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

And now we have a way to measure their queer queer love for each other without making the censors mad

How does this show do it?? This is gayer than most of the stuff aired in the US and the US doesn’t even have that kind of censorship laws media producers here are a bunch of COWARDS, disney i’m looking at you

Wwx: lol, significant others, really?

Lwj: what’s so funny

Wwx: nobody’s gonna marry into the lan clan with your thousands of dumb rules and chronic allergy to fun

LOLOLOL BOY HAS NO CLUE. JUST YOU WAIT WWX, YOU’RE GONNA EAT THOSE WORDS

Wwx: nope, you are gonna be Forever Alone

Lwj: …that’s fine

This is actually kind of heartbreaking tbh

He’s so resigned and pretending so hard not to care!!

HE TRULY BELIEVES HE’S NOT LOVABLE *UGLY CRYING*

Idk how the actor did it bc lwj still has a very placid expression on his face but it somehow manages to convey like, a sense of loneliness while still looking adorably drunk?? Idk man, i think black magic might be involved

All this to say POOR BB LAN ZHAN, COME HERE SWEETIE AND LET ME HUG YOU. YOU’RE GONNA BE FINE, I SWEAR.

Wwx is so incredulous at this response. Like he totally believes lwj would be okay staying alone forever but he doesn’t understand it

Bc wwx is a dumb teenage boy who doesn’t yet have the emotional intelligence to see that lwj is just saying that bc he’s scared and hurting

Now we get to see an acute case of Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome like we did back in episode 2!

Wwx: your mother must be so bored here all the time

DAMN IT WWX

WHAT IS IT WITH HIM AND BRINGING UP PEOPLE’S DEAD MOTHERS???

LWJ: i don’t have a mother 

He says flatly HIDING HIS SORROW

*UGLY SOBBING*

HE’S SO SAD AND LONELY GUYS

IT HURTS TO LOOK AT

WWX: you can’t not have a mother! Somebody gave birth to…oh.

There’s a crack vid somewhere on youtube with this scene voiced over “it was at that moment he realized…he Fucked Up”

And it’s true

Dumb boy

Here WWX makes up by sharing his sad orphan story with LWJ. it’s so sweet

THEIR SONG IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND WHILE THIS EXCHANGE HAPPENS

UGH THIS SHOW

LISTEN, ALL THIS HAS HAPPENED ALREADY AND WE’RE BARELY 10 MINUTES INTO THE EPISODE

LIKE, WHAT??

HOW. HOW CAN YOU GIVE ME SO MANY FEELINGS IN TEN MINUTES. THE FIRST TEN MINUTES OF THE EP EVEN.

WWX: my parents died when i was four and I can’t remember their faces–but i do remember getting chased by feral dogs

POOR BB WWX

HE CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER THEIR FACES 

OH, but we do get to see Actual BB!wwx in a brief flashback (within a flashback, remember this summer school business is not present time, how weird is that) and he’s riding a donkey while his mama and papa walk beside him. It’s adorable.

And after all that Emotional Vulnerability, he’s like “i’ll drink to that bro!” and makes a toast

I actually kind of like the toast he makes here with lwj tho

He tells him “may we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is worth forgetting”

Idk if that’s like, a traditional toast or something he made up on the spot, but i like it

We get a brief moment of plot development here. 

AND OOOOH, THEY’RE ABOUT TO GET IN TROUBLE!!

So some Lan SNITCH barges into the room where lqr and lxc are at and is all “we caught wwx drinking Forbidden Alcohol!” and lxc’s expression is all gently amused

but then Lan Snitch continues “LWJ was with him!!” and lxc’s amused expression quickly morphs into Very Alarmed

(right before that all happened tho we get to see lwj fall out of bed, still passed out drunk and wwx laughs at him. I can’t even hold that against him bc i totally laughed at lwj too)

The camera now shows us some frankly HORRIFYING beating sticks (paddles?? Do they qualify as paddles?? THEY’RE HUGE AND SCARY AND MADE OF NIGHTMARES)

And bc LWJ is too honorable for his own good

Lwj: i am at fault and accept my punishment!

And goes on his knees to willingly get beaten. STOP THAT LWJ

WWX IMMEDIATELY steps in to take the blame, like no, it’s actually my fault bc i forced him to drink when he didn’t want to. LAN ZHAN SHOULDN’T GET PUNISHED!!

LQR: (proving that lans are all Dramatique) ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN CLOUD RECESSES??

Take a chill pill, old man. A teenager getting drunk is not gonna start the apocalypse (probably)

And here lwj completely ignores wwx’s attempt to absolve him and is all no, I Made a Mistake and Must Get Punished 

Wwx: STOP ASKING FOR PUNISHMENT YOU IDIOT

So the punishment is kind of…harsh, but also lol bc as soon as wwx sees lwj take the beating without flinching or even staggering under the strength of the hits (lwj is truly a stronger man than i; one look at those Nightmare Sticks I would’ve run for the hills), he grits his teeth and forces himself to stay steady

Wwx: *internally but you can totally read it in his face* i’m not gonna let that bastard one-up me!! I have WAY more experience taking punishments. I am the punishment KING.

Okay so that all happens and afterwards WINGMAN LXC STRIKES AGAIN

LXC: wwx, you should definitely visit the family’s private cold spring

LXC: you know, so you can heal faster and not miss class

LXC: not for any other reason

I’D LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO THANK GOD AND ALSO JESUS FOR THE UPCOMING SCENE

WE ARE AT THE COLD SPRING

LOOK AT WWX RUNNING TOWARDS LWJ

WET, HALF-NAKED LWJ

Wwx: *leans coquettishly against a tree thing and pouts* why didn’t you tell me about this spring? Friends don’t keep secrets from friends!!

wwx, you’re so clever, how can you be so stupid – boy is flirting at max level and doesn’t even realize it???

Lwj: HOW ARE YOU EVEN HERE *frantically robes up like some virginal maiden which he kinda is*

Wwx: your brother told me!

Lwj: *internally* brother why

And here wwx gets into the cold spring

Wwx: so cold so cold, let me get close to you where it’s warmer~! *dives right into lwj’s personal bubble*

Lwj: *takes a HUGE step back*

Wwx: *pouts* you know i didn’t like you much before but after our Romantic Moonlit Sword Fight and our Sword Fight By the Waterfall, i’ve decided i like you a lot and we should definitely be friends forever

Lwj: *doesn’t even look at wwx* That’s Not Necessary

Wwx: before you reject me, let me show you all the ~benefits~ to being my friend! *starts to strip*

(I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU, HE LITERALLY SAID BENEFITS AND STARTED TO GET NAKED)

LWJ *is Horrified in a Repressed Gay Way* WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WWX: getting naked?? To heal better?? I thought this was obvious???

LWJ: *determinedly walks away*

WWX: wait don’t leave!! I’ll keep my clothes on! Anyway you should definitely visit me in yunmeng and i can pick lotus seeds for you. That’s totally what i meant about benefits.

LWJ: no

WWX: i can also introduce you to all the pretty girls there!

I CRACK UP EVERY TIME AT THIS. WWX, THAT IS A WHOLE GAY BOY YOU’RE TALKING TO, OH MY GOD

Then it turns out the cold spring is actually Haunted Water 2: This Time It’s Personal and tries to drown them

See this is why i don’t trust any bodies of water

They’re all out to get us

AND NOW WE GET TO THE  CAVE OF WONDERS (or cold pond cave, whatev)

Wwx: what is happening

Lwj: *is fascinated by the cave of wonders*

Lwj: *internally* ooooh Magic Guqin!! (BECAUSE HE’S A NERD LOLOL)

Magic Guqin: NOT TODAY SATAN *attacks wwx*

Wwx: WHY IS IT ATTACKING ME, I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING YET!!

brief pause here to point out that we meet the bunnies now!! Hello bunnies!!! Everyone in the fandom loves you~!!! 💗💗💗

Okay so Magic Guqin continues to attack wwx but wwx is a Clever Boy and figures out that it’s only attacking him because he doesn’t have a sacred lan ribbon

Wwx: lwj, quick, give me your ribbon!

Lwj: *FLIES RIGHT OVER TO WWX and proceeds to bind their wrists together with the SACRED RIBBON ONLY FAMILY ANd S.O.’s CAN TOUCH*

Then the camera zooms in on the metal piece of the ribbon that is now swaying gently between them like, Subtlety? Never heard of her!

Camera: yep, this is totally a straight thing that straight bros do together

So now that they’re bound together for eternity the boys approach the Magic Guqin

Lwj slaps wwx’s hands away from the guqin here – just bc i let you touch the sacred ribbon doesn’t mean you can touch the magic guqin that tried to murder you

BC LWJ IS A MUSIC NERD AND IS TOTALLY GEEKING OUT OVER THE PRECIOUS MUSICAL HEIRLOOM

LWJ proceeds to reverently play the Magic Guqin and we have this moment where he’s like, floating in space surrounded by glowy blue lights??

Idk man, it’s weird but we’ll roll with it

This is the first time we see him communicate with spirits using music, btw. 

Now we meet Lan Yi!! Who is a badass and important for plot reasons but the Valid Reason she’s mentioned here is because SHE OFFICIATES THE WANGXIAN WEDDING (bc we’ve already established that we’re not here for the plot lol)

the boys are tied together with the sacred ribbon and then they bow to a clan elder. How is that not, bare minimum, a handfasting??? 

Okay, technically, lwj bowed to the elder first to show respect while wwx stood there all stunned until lwj reminded him of the Importance of Manners. Then wwx bowed. But I’m pretty sure that still counts.

“You two being here must be destiny!” lan yi says, “i’m gonna do some plot exposition so pay attention.”

Thankfully we are not lwj or wwx so we don’t have to pay attention at all!!

At some point, wwx makes a clever comment and lan yi is all “wwx you’re as smart as i thought!! 

Yes yes i definitely approve of you marrying my great great great grand-son/nephew/whatever the heck he is, idk i’ve been in this cave too long with only bunnies for company" (🎶bunnies are better than people, buns don’t you think that’s true~?🎶 I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT REFERENCE, DISNEY YOU STILL SUCK I JUST HAVE POOR SELF-RESTRAINT)

Okay, she for real complimented wwx’s intelligence (bc I guess everyone’s hot for WWX’s big brain? Idk) but i’m pretty sure she was thinking the rest of that really loudly in her head

Then more plot stuff happens and the episode ends!!!

Beautiful, phenomenal episode. One of the MOST IMPORTANT Wangxian episodes we have!! 100/10 stars, would watch again.

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #this is my valentines gift to the fandom #well #this episode and the next one #it's not much #but it's all I have! #I MADE IT WITH LOVE AND I'VE BEEN ASSURED THAT THAT'S WHAT MATTERS

[aslibekroglu]

I want to start off by saying that this show is hilarious. The amount of times I'm losing it in my room seriously... Selim and Akgün together are a riot. "My good son, my wonderful son, my stupid son" lmao I was like, THATS ME WITH AKGÜN! MY STUPID, WONDERFUL SON THAT I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART!! The car chase lmao...Akgün being, "everything's over, they were short term feelings" and Selim threatening him with the gun when he said that lol. He won't let Akgün live in either situations.

The watch scene 😭😭😭😭. I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!! AKGÜN GETTING THE ACCEPTANCE HE'S ALWAYS WANTED!! I'm gonna start crying all over again. The chemistry between Alperen and Ali is amazing! Watching that scene a second time, it made me feel like Selim was also sort of, in a way, going to give his blessings for Akmur. Idk, what do you think?

Selim having second thoughts after seeing how devastated both were after the breakup, lol that was nice to see; how his conscience was eating him up

CanSel are just so damn adorable! Literally the cutest divorced couple ever

I'm so glad we got to see how bad the breakup was affecting Akmur. Like they didn't goes over it, I really liked that. Poor Akgün got a double whammy dealing with the breakup and photo. And my girl Yağmur!! I felt so bad for her, crying at school. Literally the worst place to have a breakdown (and oh, I WANT THOSE SELFIES!! WHERE ARE THE SELFIES?? WHERE ARE THEY???). Her happiness when Akgün called her. Legit disliked him there for 1 minute bc she was so happy to see him and him avoiding her hug. Ugggghhh Akgün

I don't care but I do not feel one bit bad for Kaan. He deserved it. Dude just killed any hopes he had of getting back with Yağmur. Not that she would get back with him but now Selim will kill him if he even looks at her

Naz & Soner!!!! (Will not complain about them getting a better edited kiss. Nope. Nuh-uh. I will not be one of those fans. Just kidding, I complained but like for a minute)

Yesss!!! I'm so glad the Bedri thing came back to Yağmur. I want to see mom and daughter take him down. If anybody can do it, it's them two. Especially Yağmur, like she said, she won't rest until she exposes him

Oh and Soner being the bestest friend ever!?!? He was serious when he said he doesn't forget the good things people do for him. He was on Akgün watch all day lol. I want more scenes of him and Akgün just being roommates

Anyways, some people are thinking that Selim and Akgün have something up their sleeve after that last shared look. Idk and honestly I'm just here for the ride. No theorizing for me lol

Tbh this show is so damn funny. And emotional. And dramatic. And romantic. There’s so many good parts about it, it’s just great. Akgün and Selim’s scenes at the police station and during the car chase absolutely cRACKED me up!!! And then the scene with the watch absolutely WRECKED me. Seeing Akgün get that acceptance he’s been looking for meant soooooo much! Alperen did such an amazing job in that scene. I was just a sobbing mess watching it. But, yeah when I first watched it the first thing that came to my mind was, is this watch meant to symbolize yağmur, is he giving his blessing, is he finally okay with them being together???? And idk, I’m excited to see how Selim treats them next episode, it’s going to be interesting seeing this development now that he’s really accepted Akgün . And as much as I loved seeing Selim feel bad about Yağmur hurting (that heart to heart they had in the garden was so so good), I just loved seeing how guilty he felt about Akgün. Like those moments when Selim was complaining about him and Canan was just like please, you know you love him and you know you feel guilty. Or when Akgün mentioned how they just can’t seem to separate, like no matter how mad he gets at Akgün, they’re bonded for life, they can’t get rid of each other!!!

Cansel was absolutely adorable, I really feel like it’s just a matter of time before they really do start dating again and I can’t waittttttt! Now, the Akmur fight. I was genuinely so mad at Akgün in that moment. He was breaching that type of jealousy that I hate in these dizis, that possessive, controlling type and I just hope they don’t really continue on that path. I so badly wanted him to apologize for it and they just made it seem like him beating up Kaan was enough and it wasn’t. I was proud of how she stood up to him in that moment, but the fact that Yağmur didn’t really make him answer for it kind of upset me. And in regards to the whole Kaan thing, what Akgün said was basically in the same vein of what Kaan was saying. Sure what Kaan said was a bit more extreme, implied something worse than what Akgün said, and was more insulting. And Akgün’s statement was more so based on just jealousy and the ‘ex-boyfriend’ of it all (plus him still being angry about the marriage situation) while Kaan’s was more so basic slut shaming, but it’s all the same ‘you can’t touch any other man while we’re together’ foolishness and it’s just gross. That being said, as much as I hated what the actual akmur fight was about, I LOVED the scene. Like idk what it was about it, but Alperen and Hafsanur’s chemistry and was on point in that scene. Between Yağmur just yelling at this brick wall that is a jealous Akgün and just being so done with Akgün’s low ass emotional iq, and Akgün only being able to focus on her calling Kaan her ex-boyfriend, that scene is just great!!!

Speaking of that scene, on youtube there were a bunch of comments saying like oh is this akgün and yagmur that we’re watching or canan and selim or wow akmur has really turned into cansel. And I just find it so interesting. I mean there have been examples in other episodes, but in this episode in particular they showed how similar the two couples are. Like of course it’s been brought up before how Akgün and Selim had similar upbringings, how Selim sees himself in Akgün. And in 14, you could see Yağmur following in similar footsteps as Canan, sacrificing herself for love. But in this episode they like specifically called it out multiple times. Idk it’s interesting. I wonder what they’re trying to say with that or where they’re going with it.

But that scene with Yağmur and Akgün when they’re talking about his brother legitimately made me cry. The way she is always teaching him to hope and dream just makes me so emotional. She is so fucking good for him, i can’t believe it.

Oh yeah, and as much as I love Akgün and Selim living together, I am so excited to see Akgün and Soner as roommates!! I adore their friendship so so much. Seeing how concerned Soner was for Akgün and seeing him constantly watch over him was so nice. And I loved Naz and Soner’s kiss it was so sweet. I saw a comment somewhere about how Soner did what it took Akgün 13 episodes to do lmaooooo honestly Soner made his mooooove!!

#yeah im not big on theorizing either #but idk it did kinda seem like akgün and selim have something up their sleeves #sonyaz ask #sonyaz spoilers #xinging-unicorn

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

#long post #hinatalks #we live in a society #fr fr #when i die....if god is real..i´ll end this once and for all. all of it #i am left with nothing but pain and anger.... i cant even feel anymore. i think i forgot how to

[alchemist-shizun]

About that Carry On Prinxiety AU

For now I laid out a bit of the plot, if you want to share some ideas just hit me up~

This is going to be a LOT to take on my shoulders but I will try and probably fail BUT TRYING IS KEYWORD (i really do believe in myself don't I? Everything under the cut!)

Since they all have their peculiarities, I'm gonna say that yes Virgil might be the Baz and Roman could be the Simon of this story, but I think either would fit for different reasons so they just have the same energy and will keep their own characterization. (If I'm able to not go ooc on this one wish me luck)

If I'm creative enough I'll try making an American school that is located in Florida, so that the characters know nothing much about what's happening in Watford and I can still make references without chronological contradictions.

Thomas could probably be the head mage too. I'm imagining him being very interested in the Normal culture and dressing like a Normal adult instead of the head of a great magical school, his "obsession" (kind of like Arthur Weasley's, if you will) is not really well-liked by most of the mages (especially the Old Fams), some believe that the students should have a better example instead of a man that always seems on the verge of leaving the magic world behind. The students, on the other hand, love him very much thank you. (yes even the ones whose parents insult him)

Oh my god I just had an epiphany: imagine Thomas obviously being in love with Disney and maybe Roman is very close to him so like he's talking about Virgil and Thomas just STRAIGHT UP STARTS SINGING SMTH LIKE THE MUSES' PARTS IN WON'T SAY IM IN LOVE OR LIKE THAT LION KING ONE AAAAAAAA and Roman is like ssss t o p but in the end joins in because he's w e a k (same)

Anyway for the main bois what I was thinking was that, with the prophecies about the Chosen One being there for a long time and them not knowing about Simon or anything, (this is becoming like Skam, there are many Snowbaz in the world) they just so happen to find in Roman an extraordinary amount of magic

Everybody is convinced Roman might be the Greatest Mage, the info flies out into the magical world of America but they decide to not share the info with other states. Roman gets very excited about this and works hard and trains himself in preparation for the big moment where he was going to have his big fight.

Virgil is his roommate (oh my god they were roommates), and of course, they can't stand each other at all. Virgil is definitely fed up with this story about the Chosen One, which Roman brings out in any possible conversation, so he uses it against him to tease him. Just imagine Roman bragging about something and Virgil being like "yeah but for a Greatest Mage you still haven't done anything so Great", or like Roman is having trouble with a spell or a subject? "Aren't you the chosen one?", Virgil only brings it up to make him mad and loves his flustered face. (keyword "loves" *wink*)

As much as I'm hopelessly in love with the idea of Vamp!Virgil (which would fit if he had Baz's role), I just had an angsty idea so I'm saving it for later c:

Hey how about a half-elf Virgil??? Anyone? Sorry I love elves

As for the time they spend together, they do the same thing as Simon and Baz, they avoid each other, spend time out of their room if the other's in there, make up different routines so they don't have to share anything and only really stay in the same room if they have to sleep. (idk why i said "if" like they don't need sleep)

Let me remind you that the beds are very close.

One time Roman woke up in the middle of the night and screamed in fear upon seeing a figure on the window.

It was just Virgil and he almost fell out, he would have probably smacked his head if it wasn't for the roommates' anathema or whatever it is called in english.

Virgil said he just couldn't sleep but he will never admit it was because of a pretty violent nightmare.

Roman does really think that he doesn't sleep at all and just uses his magic to stay awake judging by the dark circles under his eyes.

idk about you but I like the idea of Logan being something similar to Penelope, so Logan is Roman's best friend, they had met in the first year and Logan seemed one of the only ones who didn't approach Roman only because of his fame about being the Chosen One. Logan is simply amazing and brilliant at all subjects and surprises everyone since he's said to come from a family with weak powers.

Roman finds in him a very valid studying companion and he has to admit a lot of his best spells come from practicing/learning them from Logan. Also Logan loves explaining the stuff he's learnt, while Roman has this insatiable will to know everything to be able to defeat whatever bad guy will present in front of him. They basically become inseparable, despite having some friendly fights that are always solved with a snack break.

They !! deeply !! care !! for !! each other !!

Out of the other characters idk if Patton would fit anybody entirely, but I'm going to keep the 3v3 groups, so Pat will most likely be hanging out with Roman and Logan, he's actually very good friends with Virgil (none can escape Patton's friendliness) and tries to reason with Roman when he's mad about something Virge might have said. He's probably the reason why he hasn't killed Virgil yet. Patton doesn't come from a big family and lives with his grandmother when he's out of school. (I still have to develop this)

Forget about Dev and Niall and get ready for Deceit and Remus. I don't wanna give a headcanon name to Deceit bc I don't have one so he's gonna be a mysterious boy and everyone will call him Dee since it's the nickname I use for him. Both of them are two chaotic messes in their own ways. Dee, despite still being composed most of the times, is VERY fixated on his society discourses and arguments, he could come up to you one day out of the blue being like "so about the plan to overthrow the government" and you probably never even heard of it in the first place

JUST GIVE ME PASSIONATE DECEIT

Remus, on the other hand, messes a LOT with spells and you can see him traveling to the weirdest places. One day he was found trying to make the water creatures do a circus bit for him. People don't know how he's able to make his way through tests, but it's actually because he loves bugging Dee since he doesn't give the slightest shit about the weird things he suggests and they often end up studying together.

(I had the wildest thought thinking about Remus as Trixie)

Virgil, Deceit and Remus are what people call the "Untouchable trio", only because they come from the highest and oldest of the Old Families. They had been friends ever since kids since their Families met quite often, they never really fell apart despite being very different from one another. They're actually pretty chill people, it is only their surnames that make some people wary of them. They're not generally approached by anyone.

Idk if I wanna bring Emile and Remy in this, but I am tempted™, I'll think about it

So, Roman, am I right? Forgot to say he comes from a pretty big fam of hunters, they're the types of people that are lovable but won't hesitate to kill a bitch if needed.

But Purp, where's our creativitwins content? Thing is, yes they're actually brothers, but they were separated ever since kids for reasons none really knows? They never talk about it, even if asked to. They were given to two different families. They're aware of each other, but none has ever seen them interact. (I might find some angsty backstory on this just you wait)

Up until here Roman has always believed himself to be destined to the greater good, he's the chosen one, his destiny is the one to be the protagonist of the magic world and its hero.

At least that's what he thought until the fifth year.

One day during the fifth year, Virgil was doing homework on his room's table when Roman bursts in, louder than usual, and throws himself face-first on the bed, uncaring about ruining his hair or his clothes. That was an unusual sight since he never came into the room before evening or even before dinner. Virgil immediately knew something was wrong, but he didn't realize how serious the thing was.

So of course, he teases him a bit trying to get some info from him but only makes the situation worse. When Virgil calls him Greatest Mage as a joke, that's when Roman finally snaps at him in a way that Virge would have never expected. Roman really is enraged, yells at him and throws his pillow across the room since he can't hit him. He storms out of the room when he feels tears forming in his eyes, but can't really hide his sobbing as he goes away.

Virgil is just standing there, aware that he had just made Roman cry for the first time in his life and hated the sight with his whole being.

Roman had just learnt that he wasn't, in fact, the Chosen One, nor the Greatest Mage. Just an ordinary mage, like anybody else, who, in his opinion, had no other destiny than to finish school, find a job and just ... live?

So he's destroyed, all those dreams revealed themselves to be castles built in the air.

School is ending and Roman is just a bit numb, he's not really failing his classes but he's not as bright as ever. He barely leaves his room and doesn't talk to his friends as often, who are very concerned. Even Virgil tries to talk to him at some point. Thomas visits him when he has time and tries to work through the issue with him, but for the rest of the fifth year, there's nothing much to do to cheer him up.

Things seem to go back to normal as years pass and he's not in the spotlight anymore, none really talks about the Greatest Mage anymore and mages just carry on with their studies as they've always done. Everything's fine and normal.

And Roman hates it. But he's working in the shadow, so none notices his discomfort.

It only happens when he reaches the eighth year. It's impossible for Virgil to not recognize that Roman is slipping away at night and only comes back after some hours, either with dirty clothes or things tangled in his hair, he always came back different from when he left, meaning he definitely was wandering off outside.

One night he really can't stop thinking about how worried he is that Roman might get in trouble by himself, while he could probably prevent that, so he decides to follow him. Apparently, Roman is trying to find some kind of important and scary adventure to prove to himself that he's not as useless as he thinks himself to be, but Virgil still doesn't know this.

Virgil doesn't know what to do about the situation and decides to talk to Patton about it, in the end, the two of them decide to make a plan to talk to Roman with Logan, too.

On the other hand, Roman had been seen hanging out with Deceit or Remus, or both at the same time, trying to pry out information from them about how to get to certain forbidden spots of the school if he ever needed to. Surprisingly they don't ask many questions.

Chaos ensues when one night everything goes horribly wrong.

SO YEAH these are a bunch of things that I got right off the bat, I still have to think about the entire plot but don't want to spoil anything, basically the story would begin on the eighth year, just like Carry On, when Roman starts sneaking out. There might be things I need to fix but still I repeat that this is just a draft or a bunch of ideas that I got together somehow.

Tags: @soul-of-a-vixen & @flowersheep who wanted to know more about it~ (I'll write it as soon as I can!!)

#sanders sides #roman sanders #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #deceit sanders #prinxiety #sanders sides fanfiction #prinxiety fic #sanders sides au #carry on #snowbaz #penny bunce #agatha wellbelove #simon snow #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #basilton pitch #character thomas #deceit mention #remus the duke #ts duke #ts patton #ts roman #ts deceit #ts logan #ts virgil #prinxiety au #carry on au