#idk if i wanna go international

[thehappiestgolucky]

thinking about sploon scugs again (and testing some new brushes. pen brushes for sketching go brrrrr)

#rain world #rain world downpour #splatoon #sploon scugs #doodles #rw artificer #marie splatoon #cw injury #i. suppose? bandages go brr #rain world gijinka #idk if i wanna actually make the idols iterators or not so for now the actual. marie splatoon stand in. #funny either way to have an older single parent be recruited #welcome to the agent 4 squad (she is hoping she gets paid for it) #meanwhile poor spears is internally screaming in octo expansion lmao #artificer grizzco employee to x rank blaster main pipeline real #(she has two kids to pay for. and also a giant inktoling pitching in too)

[autistic-katara]

writing would fix me

#i just need to figure out how to do that #i have ideas but idk how to make them actually into fics #and one of them is one of those “how would they act in this situation” things except it did happen in canon just off screen #(nico coming out to hazel) #bcz idk normally i’d just look for fics of that happening but i’ve read fics and they feel so ooc #like u gotta find the right balance between “nice person who cares abt her brother and wouldn’t discriminate” #and “someone who went to catholic school in the 30s and 40s” #bcz i love hazel and she’d never call him a slur and say he’s going to hell or smthn #but like internal biases are a real thing and chances are he’s the first openly gay person she’s talked to #so like i gotta figure out how she’d react #and then i gotta consider what circumstance this is happening #like is this an “i wanna tell my sister i have a boyfriend” thing or just an “i wanna tell my sister im gay” or even the more angsty #“my sister said some shit and i accidentally blurted that im gay” or smthn like that #and yk how long am i gonna make it who else is gonna be in it god this is so complicated #writing #pjo #ryan shut the fuck up

[daz4i]

hate when i vent abt my pain and ppl tell me "everyone has stomach aches, it's normal" okay but are their pains bad enough to make them cry or unable to stand..... at least once a week...... bc i think that if this was normal society might've collapsed by now. but what do i know

#at least I'm on the way to get another test to see if it really is crohn's or not :') #my other tests came out negative but the last doctor i saw said it's worth checking again :') #bc. he claims. you're never gonna guess it. these pains are NOT normal ✨️ who could've thought! #sorry for the bitterness. as you may be able to infer from this i am in severe pain and having a hard time standing up or moving at all #btw through this doctor i went to i found out i actually had internal inflammation back in 2018 too and i was just. never told abt it. #like i was in the hospital and they ran a test but bc it was for smth else they didn't think to point it out?? #why do i have to learn 5 years later that i had smth wrong with me that probably got worse with time and that's why I'm like that now 😭😭😭 #(i wanna apply good faith to this. they probably thought it was a result of my other stomach issues so it'll pass once they do. #but like. if it really didn't go away and in fact got worse with time. i feel like i have the right to blame them yknow?) #vent #possibly a tmi one idk ajskflglh #sorry. i am very tired

[wizardofgoodfortune]

yall im feeling new blorbos coming with this show called The Bear.

#IM SO tempted to go into the tags for it but we just started season 2 and i dont wanna get spoiled. but just know. It's Coming. #i apologize in advance for all the feelings coming once i finish the show im just. #Yea #its the kind of stuff i wanna be writing you know. its really Really great #i think if you know what the show is about and what the good times fic is about youd understand what im talking about #internally screaming. #im crazy. imCRAZY #im crazy imc razy #AIJHDJHGKHGKSHDKGHSKDGH IM CRAYZ IM CRAZY IM SINSANE IM SO INSANE #idk. sorry #wizardofgoodfortune #actually not really sorry. if uve been thinking about watching the bear for a while this is your sign to do it. #but also. uh #probably check content warnings for it before watching

[orcelito]

OK WAIT here's a ITNL chapter 14 section that's not really spoilers. just a sweet lil section

after this is where it's more Spoilers. but for now. HERE U go. happy birthday vash & also Uhhhh @ ITNL readers I PROMISE i am working on the chapter. things r just hard lol

#speculation nation #itnl shit #spoilers bc of uhh. Conversation. i wanna keep the conversation a secret for now lol #not bad spoilers it's just better digested as a whole probably #ANYWAYS heres some more vash & kaite bro time. god im gonna miss kaite when we gotta say goodbye to him #but he's still here for now and he gets to watch vash tinker with his (very internally fried) arm #before and after this section is vash inspecting the damages & thinking of what he can do to try to fix it #which i do have a lot written. but im gonna be going thru it for accuracy & also keeping in mind the thing from earlier #the possibility that average operational power of his arm comes from vash himself rather than extra batteries #this is with the assumption that a (relatively) small output of electricity is not smth that would fuck with his lifespan #just a normal expenditure of energy. like moving his flesh muscles. just a constant lil stream of electricity that he gets from eating & w/ #no need to dip into his life reserves for it. bc if he did that would get impractical. #idk im going to think about it more. i really dont Need to figure out how his arm works #but listen. ive built a robot before. im in polytech. i wanna think about wtf his arm actually Is #even if this is coming in the context of all the internal wires being blown & a bunch of shit straight up Melted #his arm is... very very blown... he's gonna be going one-arm for a While still lmao. oh well #i think it's a good thing to remember that he is in fact physically disabled. he can make up for it Especially in a fight #but it still will inconvenience him in a lot of ways. cool biotech arm is cool but also it's nice to remember that he Is physically disable #and so i am embracing it. he's tinkering with his arm in his free time but if he has to spend weeks (or months) w/o his prosthetic #well that's just the reality he's gotta live #anywyas. Here u go. snippet. that's a few hundred words so idk if this counts as a snippet but im calling it a snippet. Here You Go

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

"wow how pathetic it is of a man who isn't much of a fighter to be afraid and want to live in the middle of aggressors invading his lands"

WHY WON'T U JUST GIVE UP AND STOP DEFENDING YOUR LANDS THAT WE'RE INVADING AND ATTACKING ON TOP OF YOU LITERALLY DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO US

#DCB Three Hopes Run #i care for you dearly monica but this just ain't it #at the time of posting this I've cleared most of the maps in the game on all difficulties #save for a chunk of AG's stuff which the lead up maps I'm still going through #and am not sure if I plan to finish the maddening ones during my next full playthrough #but boy am I enjoying being out of the victim blaming zone. I don't mind the chapters that are like #internal struggles like Ludwig or the returning to Enbarr assassination attempt chapter #but it's when it gets into all the Kingdom/Church (and somewhat Alliance) stuff that it just feels gross to me #SB wouldn't have been all that bad probably at all if it focused on Edelgard versus #internal strife in Adrestia and fighting TWS bc those chapters are all fine??? #literally like any chapters not revolving around the conquest aspect are fine #but then you get dumb shit lines like these that remind me why I hate Edelgard's routes #and it's not just that I don't like her as a person/character but also like the way the narrative itself tries to #frame the whole victim blaming as being correct and the right thing and the right side and stuff #like at least admit as part of the immediate narrative that the victim blaming just ain't cool #have like idk Ferdinand say something abt it (but ig he can't bc Hopes reduced him to yet another Edelsimp) #don't try to frame it as lol yeah they're ACTUALLY shitty ppl for defending their home from aggressors invading #posting this in the dead of the morning bc i wanna bring it up but also like #fewer ppl on at this time lol it's just smth that rly frustrates me bc SB had potential and they squandered most of it

[ofcowardiceandkings]

i would like to stop obsessing about the dumb thing where i was scolded a little for being distracted but its a tangible single thing my brainworms can latch onto instead of the many many other shit things in the background that are objectively way worse or scarier

#i'll admit like yeah my bad i goofed for a bit #its just ... hard to keep an eye on that sometimes when theres a lot of junk going on #and its not a strong point anyway ... i need to constantly keep an eye on my lack of an internal clock and its exhausting #like it really doesnt matter either but the brain being a turd abot it is ALSO exhausting #s i g h s #i just need a little 'reset focus' reminder every so often but its like .. #having that be a formal thing is hard without a piece of paper saying you have brainbonk #its why i chose to apply for a physically engaging job rather than office shit yknow #staring at documents all day makes me want to scream lol #its also just irking me that there was yknow ... 'lol now we'll have to find you something to do' comments #because for someone who doesnt DO data entry im pretty speedy in the zone #my brain just did a giant yawn and needed to reset targets without me noticing #idk i wanna eject it from my brain but it WONT LEAVE #rory's ramblings

[fuckin-sick-bih]

i'm just gonna scream in tags so i don't clog anyone's daaaash

#just bex talkin #personal #SUDDENLY i understand why a vanilla blog might be a good idea #i didn't expect him to go asking for my tumblr thIS EARLY #sir... sir all i have is a kink blog!!! for my weird fucking snz kink!!! #it's not weird it's perfectly normal yada yada whatever it's weird and i don't mind being weird #but it's so early on in knowing each other for me to divulge what a masochistic degenerate i am #“i'm writing” “oh what are you writing?” “something for my tumblr...” “oh whats your tumblr?" cue internal amused panic #he's so sweet and so cute and i just wanna cuddle him god DAMN IT #part of me has a weird sixth sense sensation going on that idk if i wanna say anything about #mr “sneezed so hard he got a bloody nose” and y'all... you can't do that to meeee #you ever wanna be really affectionate with a person but all your past trauma's go “woah there buddy remember what happened?” #i *just* met him idk how to dO THIS #can you hear that sound? it's me at the nearest fire look out *screaming* bc Emotions

[jellophoid]

allergies are acting up so I’m wide awake but I’m thinking about how Mia Winters got to connections again and I’m feeling so sick

#/// #okay here me out #Ethan and Mia meet when they’re undergrads in uni #study diff fields etc etc #they properly meet at a party and they realise they have like one class together idk idk #I forget I think Ethan does tech stuff or smthn but maybe he was testing around #I think Mia very much was going into the direction of biochemistry (obvious I know) #but i think she’d wanna be a microbiologist— would fit into the virus thing #and she’s a person who genuinely wants to help others I feel so 👩‍🍳 #anyways— when Mia is still finishing up her studies or maybe in the middle of it idk how long this feild takes #I just know she’d be the best in her class #anyways— connections finds her and she starts interning #like they have her do relatively normal things #and the. slowly push her until her morals fall apart #that’s a way I can see it happening naturally #bc why else would she keep this a secret from those she loves ? #the fact that she hid this tells that she understands deep down she is doing something wrong #and then it was too late to fix it all #I think the reason I’m so pissed abt the dlc is the fact that they could have expanded on Mia’s character #the mistakes she continuously makes #hiding secrets- lying- etc #she could have changed for rose- her daughter #or she could have learned to change #sooo much wasted potential it’s sad #kinda like Luis actually they might be similar in their pasts💭

[taintedcigs]

american followers & mutuals i want to study in the u.s. so bad so lay it on thick for me…. should i just say fuck it and do it?!?!?

#idk what im asking for tbh just that... the opportunities are really great there #and i just wanna know what id mainly be struggling w as an international student? hope that makes sense #(for my masters degree) #ive been thinking europe too but u.s. has so much more opportunities #i seriously had an epiphany this morning and i feel like i need to do it. i dont know why #but i keep getting scared n chickening out. but like i need/want to do it #my rejection dysphoria is going crazy like my gpa is great but im still scared

[p2ii]

My comsci class is online now and Google meet is just as horrifying and scary as I remembered it <3

#i need my teacher to check my code so he can tell me what to do next but i dont wanna let the whole class know 😭 #ive left a note in my internal commentary but idk when he'll next check my code #hate it here #my brain has been mush all day so i have no idea how to do what we're doing rn (2d arrays. wtf) #words are going in one ear out the other 😭 #psii.txt

[impala-dreamer]

Apparently, ALL I can do today is answer asks bc my brain will not allow for anything I need to do like write or finish formatting my book or ya know, housework. so... feel free to come sit and chat with me.

#i need an intern #can someone do this for me bc i dont wanna #but also i should get it done soon #prob before august #but also just it's done just finish it already #but i can't #and i'm hungry #but like it's not lunch yet #i should go move the laundry but i dont wanna #someone come hang with me i need company #but also ew #people #how many tags are allowed on these things? #idk i'm just rambling #which kelly says is cute #but i think she's just drunk when she sees it #it's prob not cute at all #ed sheeran is in my ears rn and i'm like Awwww #this is my jensen song #i can't explain why that's just for me to know #i should write. what should i write? #i dont even know anymore #i guess i should just hit post #or delete it #let's see what happens-

[kuroosdarling]

y’all mind if i hide out in here for a min

#i wanna sit here and complain/vent but i literally have no words !!!!!! #everything is so crazy rn like hello 🧍🏻‍♀️ #giving up on my theme rn bc it’s just frustrating me and i cant do extra stress rn 😵‍💫 #i’m hiding in my car during lunch bc everyone is off one today #and i’m not trying to get dragged into this drama #plus i’m trying to avoid the intern now bc he’s scary LOL #i’m v rdy to go home but at the same time i have a lot to do #am i getting an early saturn return or summ #I THOT I HAD MORE TIME !!! #sobz #idk if u read this but i’ll give u a big kiss #wish me luck :c #⁺. ʚ aims lore ɞ ⋆˙

[faggotician]

Feeling a little troubled ...... last night (a few hrs ago ig) my nana (whom i moved in wit bc the tenant she was renting the upstairs 2 died n i needed 2 get out of a shitty roommate situation so the stars aligned etc) mentioned in passing that she was in my apt while i was gone, she mentioned she was looking 4 something bt then changed it 2 checking 2 see if i caught the bus.....i told her basicly i loved her n ment no offense bt my privacy is rly important 2 me n so could she pls not go into my pad when im not there bc it gives me anxiety (which she has also so i was tryna rel8 a lil bit) n she just kinda shut down n started feeling bad abt herself n getting upset tht i thought she wld go thru my stuff . Idk i jus had 2 put this down sumwhere n i havent gotten a new journle yet sigh

#i mean she is. Very ancient bless her in evry way shes 81 so im sure shes just . kinda losin it 4 a lack of a better way 2 put it n . Aughgg #Life is very intimid8ng n i wanna take care of her bt shes so afraid of Everything ever n its stressing her out so much she cant sleep #So then shes coming up 2 my apt (btw i dont have a key 4 my inside door so i keep it unlocked) Late as Haell like 3 4 AM #Asking me 2 sit downstairs w her till she falls asleep . N i keep giving her advice on sleeping better like . #If u sit on the couch watching tv most of the day..when u go 2 bed n do the same thing u wont get tired frm it #Or rrlaxing yr body n focusing on yr breathing Dont put the tv on if yr brain is paying attn 2 wats goin on there #Then u cant focus on sleeping . #And i ask if she understands n if shes listening bt then Every Night doesnt change how her routine is n i just Dont .. I Want 2 Help So Bad #But what can i do when ur not even listening 2 the vry basic lifestyle cuanges u Need 2 make or yr gna worry yrself sick :(((( #I dnt think impatronizing i try 2 be gentle n understanding but also like . Semi profesh like Boundaries need 2 b had if im here longterm #Bt she doesnt rlly get that bc shes Very insecure sbt herself i think she just ... Internalizes it into like #Thinking shes burdoning me or makes me feel rlly gulty 4 needing alone time i just . Idk how 2 have this talk w her cuz i feel like #I alrdy have a million times . God i do love her so so much n im scared 4 this future i just want her 2 b happy bbut #im still tryna figure out how 2 even Talk 2 Anybody let alone a very sensitive farm raised senior #Damn this is a vent post and a half #999

[relnicht]

sick of reading stories about men who are so very clearly deeply in love with each other but just don't fucking talk because they think the other knows and just sees them as something convenient so they don't figure out the other one loves them back for fucking years

#i get it! books need to hurt you and do a catharsis but why do they? #gonna cry internally when they only confess their love to each other just before one of them dies in the other's arms in some rotten trench #thats how i think the story will go. idk yet #i just read books that make me wanna scream at the characters #i like it dont worry

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#god. ok. so i should really b reading papers rn but my lab mate called me needy today and it just keeps cycling in my head #like ive spent way too much time around him bc of field work and the thing abt me is that i just say whatever tf is in my brain so hes #basically been exposed to a scattershot of anxious thoughts in my head idk wtf he must think of me but today he said #the more i learn abt u the more i realize ur needy in these v specific ways #and i think it bothers me a lot bc needy isnt the right word. im not needy. i dont plead for help. im just a semi non functional person. #i just lay here not dealing with all these problems i have. but i generally try just make it my own problem. im just a bit pathetic like #that. do i need help? maybe but im not like needy. im just semi nonfunctional and rather compulsive and controling over myself. i live in a #world full of invisible walls as dictated by my stupid brain. but its all internal control i can put up with a lot as long as i have ctrl #over myself. its not especially healthy but it makes me pretty easy going i suppose. ugh! needy! he obviously hit a nerve how annoying #whatever im exhausted bc i had to b a scribe all day and i had a phd meeting this morning. the project sounds v cool and apparently im the #most qualified person to approach them so far but idk itll be v competitive and do i really want a uk phd? idk idk #at least this guy conducted it like an actual interview. i was like fuck finally some structure! and he said i talk well lol thanks dude #so he thinks id do ok getting grilled by a pannel. idk i kinda wanna apply just to see how far id get into the process #unrelated #i was also having harrowing nightmares last night abt climbing mt everest. at least i got 8hrs sleep lol fml i leave for sampling again #tomorrow afternoon. this is what i get for trying to have even a tiny bit of a social life rip