#idk im emotional yknow

[minalots]

MORE WOLFWOODS?!!!!?!?!!?????

#wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #trigun #trigun stampede #trigun maximum #tristamp #trimax #here’s some of my personal design notes for them #tristamp ww is more softer/rounder than trimax #his hair is very messy n i just think adding splashes of color and graphics like outlines n halftones to my tristamp doodles makes it seem— #more modern in a way ig??? ya get me??? #anyways trimax ww is just. SUPER SHAPED. lots of sharp edges!!! so fun!!!!! #i like to think his hair is usually yknow spiky n compact into its shapes until he gets unhinged to which it slowly becomes disheveled— #and messy and softer. Like if his hair lost its gel that was keeping it together or something. anyways his eyes are normally black until— #he starts feeling extreme emotions so they turn white auaghwwg i just admire nightow’s way of drawing ww he is just !!!!! so cool!!!!!! #ww is just very fun to draw in general im so glad i got into trigun bc of him ehehehejgeeh #i forgot to mention i draw each of them with different brushes to get different textures n stuff idk if it was noticable #da gallery

[jennyfromthebes]

the thing about Never Quite Free is that. yeah sure you will never be completely free. that's kind of the nature of life! you can't change what's already happened and you'll always have the memories and the attached strings. but that does not mean they have to be a thing that holds you. they will fade, in time, though, yes, never fully disappear; but you'll breathe easier just knowing that the worst is all behind you. things will never be 100% good 100% of the time, and that's okay, you'll sleep better when you think you've stepped back from the brink, and found some peace inside yourself, laid down your heavy load. it's the nature of things that the bad parts stay with you, but that does not mean they have to hurt. never quite free, sure - but free enough that the good parts outnumber and outweigh the bad ones. free enough to dream at night.

#hi. sorry. im having emotions about this song. again. as always. #idk. im just. the darkness is not a place that has to hold you. yknow? #txt #the mountain goats #tmg #orig

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

if i was a robot, i would be pulling my wires out by the handful rn (metaphorically)

#this is a joke based on th thing that ppl draw robots doing when they r stressed or very angry/emotional #yknow th thing? #idk i just know ive seen it a couple times #robots pulling their wires out when in distress like cats grooming themselves bald when stressed. u know how it b #anyway. im tired lmao

[soldier-poet-king]

being full of extreme emotions 24/7 does NOT make you good at expressing emotions, especially when it's sanitized, socially-ordained sentiment demanded by professional etiquette. in fact, being super upfront and genuine about my emotions makes this faux behaviour MORE excruciating, imho

source: i am consistently the most emotional person on the face of the earth, but am experiencing The Agonies trying to write thank you cards for my second-last day at work

#like it's fine. i can do it. i'll live #i UNDERSTAND why we have professional etiquette and social scripts like #I GET IT #i just think that in many (not all but many) they are very stupid!! and i am bad at them!! #it feels like LYING and i CANT LIE IT MAKES ME FEEL SICK #like i am expressing emotions which i am not experiencing!! which is rare #i express my silly extreme emotions 24/7 but now??? #WORKPLACE EMOTIONS??? IN FANCY NICE CARDS???? #insane. idk man #i think it is part i am very awkward and socially bad thing. do not like proscribed social scripts and all that #and it's part a class thing?? like. grow up poor working class #my idea of a thank u is like. i bake cookies. i bring lasagne. idk man #CARDS??? STATIONERY??? #it's like. we are running on social scripts i dont understand and was never taught #and therefore hard to follow #GOOGLE. MY BESTIE. HOW DO I WRITE A XYZ #just trying not to like. socially blunder yknow #i KNOW ppl find my awkward genuineness endearing in a pitiful child charming way #but I AM TRYING TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AS A PROFESSIONAL #bc im GOOD AT MY JOB. I LIKE MY FIELD. i just ALSO happen to be v emotional and silly #these are not mutually exclusive ok #the duality of fran

[sshcomic]

You have given me a great joy in life with your Renkaza au

May I ask, what happened to the rest of the Kamado family? Did they get their canon ending or are they with Nezuko as they try to deal with her new demonification?

oh yay im glad you're enjoying it so far! 🥰

nezuko's actually with her brother in the box, like in canon lol. i just havent drawn her--or inosuke or zenitsu--in the panels we've seen, but they're there!

as for the rest of the kamados... i actually havent decided LOL. my instinct is to save everyone, since this is a light-hearted comic strip, but also i'm not sure i'd be able to reliably write that since it involves more plot than the "stupid jokes loosely following canon" i mostly have written down aha. so i suppose it's a surprise for now, even for myself.

i guess we'll see!

#thanks for the ask 💖 #sorry if this isnt a satisfying answer but i genuinely dont know rn haha #rei replies #ssh extras #like the thing is. the thing is i had like a short emotional 'i see you' moment planned out between renkaza #for when upper six die but if i save the kamados then i feel obligated to save gyu and ume which means id have to rejig that #and i have Ideas for how but they lean into the kind of fluff that feels so divorced from canon idk if i actually want to write it??? #bc i do also love me some angst. hnn. i suppose we'll see how self-indulgent i decide to be about this #but looking at the way im characterizing hakuji u can tell im already being pretty self-indulgent LOL. 😂 #so yeah it's a surprise even for me! but i AM leaning toward the 'everyone lives' route rn. #it's just. upper moons 4 and 5 are much harder to want to save versus upper moon 6 yknow. or even 1 &2. #but it'd be weird to be like 'f those guys in particular' lol. u can see my conundrum. #at the same time... this is my story so i can do what i want to??? hm. #WE'LL SEE.

[fox-guardian]

hm. maybe i Should go ahead and get an ao3 account

#ramblings with major #i was gonna like. wait. but idk #having one-shot ideas and im hesitant to post here cuz last time i posted writing here it flopped #but maybe it'll do slightly better on The Writing Website #but also it's angst and i hate writing angst it feels so embarrassing somehow #not saying writing angst in general is like cringe or smth it just Feels embarrassing for Me Specifically idk #i guess just cuz it's more Emotional than the stuff i usually end up writing #yknow what i mean #like 'oh that's what angst is to you? what are you some kind of sad person??' idk #im tired i need to sleep im truly rambling ANYWAY

[skitskatdacat63]

— Emperor Charles VI's diary entry on Count Althann's death

[text: "My only heart, my comfort, my most faithful servant, my soulmate, who loved me dearly as I did him for 19 years, [we] had a true friendship, we were one heart and one soul, and we never concealed anything from one another. He will always be in my heart, [my] beloved friend..I. have lost everything."]

#this is like. incredibly niche. #but also hopefully a quote one can look at without context and still feel emotional damage about #idk. i think about this quote probably at least once a week and then have to stare at it and cry a bit #its just GOD. yknow?????? #theres this one paper(which i linked) that i originally read as research for the AU #but i go back to it probably twice a month to reread it bcs im so !!!! abt it #i think its cause charles vi is just not that relevant but is relevant to me so to have this paper abt his personal relationships is very ! #its both nice as ref for the au but also very interesting to hear about historical queer relationships/dynamics #the sections about him and his wife are very endearing as well #but god like him and count althann. im literally so invested in this 300 year old relationship #this is obviously from his death which is incredibly depressing and heart wrenching to me #but the other things he wrote about althann in his diary are very sweet to me #they were inseparable to the point of often sleeping in the same bed and charles called him his 'eternal love' #AND ON ALTHANN'S DE WIKIPEDIA PAGE IT LITERALLY CALLS HIM THE EMPEROR'S FAVORITE #anyways literally every part of this quote absolutely destroys me but especially how he refers to althann and then the ending #and its interesting to me bcs apparently his diary entries were usually pretty to the point #but when various people in his as althann died he would write these extremely emotional entries that are so </3 #if you have any questions abt their dynamic pls i will talk abt them 🥰🥰 i find it fascinating #theres a book about his diary but its in german and 500 pages and kinda hard to get hold in but maybe one day!!! #also in AU contexts: althann and charles vi would be mark and seb so take that as you will 🤭😭 #as i said this is great for ref but also made me sooooo fucking invested in him #i have no idea how to tag this #historical #holy roman empire #emperor charles vi #catie.rambling.txt #historical quotes #habsburg #habsburg monarchy #ah wow if only my german prof could see me now. fucking...habsburg posting. why am i like this

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out) #we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

[nabaath-areng]

I feel so strange thinking about how I considered myself "new" in FFXIV for the longest time, as when I started playing there were so many legacy players around. I saw their mounts and their titles, I talked to them, played with them, and to me they were the experienced ones teaching me how to play my first MMO. For years I considered myself a newbie.

And then, just the other day, I see in the chat of an FC I was invited to on an alt, people talking about having played for a long time, and their longest playing member having been around for 5 years. It hit me just how long of a time that is, and how much longer passed before I'd even realized it.

I ask others if they remember various things from the past, and I can count on one hand the amount of people I meet in recent years who do. So many things I still consider new and flashy, like Gpose and job gauges for instance, have now been in the game far longer than they have not. It's a strange situation caused by me losing about a decade's worth of memories and life (due to mental health issues that practically broke me) as well as the normal feeling ot time passing without me really thinking about it. Less and less did I see the legacy titles and mounts, but I didn't pay much heed. Until one day I suddenly stop and look around, realizing that I haven't seen any legacy players at all for a while. I'm certain they're out there, but most likely not in the same sheer abundance as before.

It's a bit similar to real life, where my home was once just an old, secluded village that have now become geographically closer to the city without ever moving. Where the others I used to surround myself with have all moved on in slow trickles over the years, and where I cannot expect everyone to remember the same things that I do. So many new people everywhere, some that cause lines in the grocery store that can afford to keep running after all these years, and some that fail to load in on my weak little laptop's screen.

It's like I have two homes mirroring each other, and obviously that means I age in both of them. I bought this game as a gift for myself on my 18th birthday... and here I am 10 years later, turning 28 today, and realizing that I'm still here in both places despite everything. Waiting for another expansion all over again, just like when I was staying alive just because I wanted to play Heavensward so bad.

I can't even begin to count just how many people I've known and interacted with throughout the years in this game. There are memories that my years of paranoia and psychosis stole from me (something which I only shook off the last remnants of half a year ago), of people who I know were important to me but who I'm also unable recall much about beyond their names, which is something which fills me with both deep shame and sorrow. Some I remain in touch with to this day, and some I am mutuals with on various sites, even if we don't chat regularly anymore.

There's a lot that I don't remember, or that I even memorized in the first place. Things have changed time and again for both better and worse. But FFXIV has remained a constant throughout it all, even when I've been unsubbed due to lack of a PC and just on a general break.

I don't know what my point is with all of this really, but I guess I just really wanted to get it off my chest. It's not all sunshine and rainbows these days either, but my mental health is better than it's ever been, I have a partner and friends and family who all mean the world to me, and even though some things will forever be less than ideal, I am so so so happy that I didn't give up. Staying alive really was the best decision I ever made ❤️

#pardon my emotional wall of text #that probably looks weird with phrasing etc #im all over the place and sleepy and unmedicated #its just been a Lot lately while playing #some bad (realizing how much has been taken from me due to mental illness) #but also a lot of good (realizing how much better things are now) #anyway i should rest my eyes now oops #good thing im not celebrating with family until tomorrow cause my sleep got fucked LOL #anyway ANOTHER EXPAC TO BE ALIVE FOR YEAAAAAH #idk theyre just like life milestones for me yknow #hw was the main one but the others have functioned similarly

[lesbaurinkos]

the thing is sometimes you stare into a mirror of your past and you look back on it and you get genuinely emotional and you cry. and sometimes that is because of dan and phil. and that is okay

#this final pinof react video just did something to my emotional state idk..... #my past..... my whole life..... my teenage years....... #i was 12 and closeted and a pathetic little weirdgirl now im 22 and out and still a weirdo jugstyle but yknow waves my hands YKNOW!!!!! #LIKE..... MAN................. #like dnp said. healing ur inner child or whatever. but also putting my inner child through an emotional wringer #sometimes u gotta get a lil parasocial with it for the health. sometimes u can admit dan and phil DID raise u. and thats okay. <3 #man...... hurgling....... sorry finals blended my brain and now my brain is soup and im healing it in this way i really am

[miwtual]

changed my icon and immediately dont know if i wanna keep it like this

#kai.txt #emotional attachment to my chris with purple hair icon #but also. loki. yknow #idk im changing the blog up rn and then ill go from there #see if i like this and whatever

[soldier-poet-king]

I have too many emotions in too quick a succession with periods of severe emptiness in between I just. I don't have time to PROCESS any of them. It's like I've been incurring an emotional 'debt' for 27 years.

#this is insane ik as the hyperemotional 24/7 guy but also like #all the work stuff. the move stuff. #r&g last night. time change giving me mood swings. PATHFINDER TONIGHT WAS INSANE #soooo good and such fun rp #but also OUCH MY EMOTIONS. i wouldn't trade it for the world but i sure am experiencing SMTHN #given the whole manipulative mentor people pleasing sense of self woth thing #PLUS A COOL GF??? I WANT A COOL GF #and then just this last bit of an astarion fic that made me cry #in terms of just. emptiness. gentleness. how do you move on. how do you build a life #when you didn't expect there to be an after? #how do you free yourself when everything you are was shaped by that person #how do i free myself when everything i am was shaped by my parents #and its just constantly this bitter ache and anger #the upcoming move its like. im in the same city how can i get a clean break #i feel guilty for wanting it but also. fuck i need it #how can i build a life for myself. yknow? #anyway. im uhhh. a lil fragile. a lot stressed abt work stuff. joints been hurting a lot lately too. #i am so hungry. ever hungry. for the unnamed thing. #the duality of fran #anyway. shits wild and that is both good and bad and also neither??? maybe??? #i am trying to find meaning and purpose in it all. or to create it. #i am a skittish stray but i am also kissing you all gently on the forehead. idk. i can be both things at once maybe

[newdejavuu]

woke up from a nap thinking of her*

(*the original incarnation of fall out boy’s seventh studio album, MANIA)

#please don’t take this to be mania slander bc. mania is a near-perfect PERFECT album to me #it’s probably my no. 3 fob album of all time!! (no.2 if you consider the ioh folie tie to be one entity) #but I can’t stop thinking about what she could have been if y&m hadn’t divided the fanbase so horrifically #I can’t help but wonder what those three songs that ended up being scrapped might have sounded like #(yknow. the ones joe worked closely on and was so excited about. the ones he talked about in his book) #and idk. it makes me so sad that the fans (fans!!!! yknow the people who are supposed to be supportive!!) reacted with such visceral #animosity and hatred that fall out boy (musicians who are well versed with rejection and public disapproval) felt the need to backtrack #regroup and REVISE an album that they had created with their little hands!!!!!! #anyway. im getting emotional #but just to be clear. if you talked shit (publically) about y&m when it came out. I kinda hate you #ignore me!!!! look away!!!!! #kayce’s corner.txt

[astranauticus]

brb im gonna go find a place to Scream

#im playing omori #let's just say that final fight with omori did not do good things to my mental state #idk by that point the emotional experience was really weird cuz like #i the player (desperately) want sunny to have nice things #but also like if i were sunny i would not fucking be able to forgive myself and like #what's that orv quote. the effects of the 4th wall are reduced due to excessive immersion. yeah that was me at that point #i guess lesson learned is if you're playing omori and you start using 'i' and 'sunny' interchangeably you're in for a Bad Time #like there were MANY points in the omori fight when i was like 'this man is making some good points' and he's #trying to convince sunny to kill himself so yknow. having a GREAT time with that one #also when the 'do you want to continue yes no' screen came up i sent it to my friend like haha what if i chose no #cuz i THOUGHT it was just gonna be like. when you die in a fight you either retry or load a save yeah i thought it was just gonna be like #a mechanical thing #then she said are you sure bc that's gonna have Consequences #and i'd already chosen yes bc. again. i want sunny to have nice things. also i GENUINELY meant that as a joke #so i was like. hold on what the FUCK is that supposed to mean #so. yayyyy #omori spoilers

[oscill4te]

work was so embarassing yesterday. i really dont want to go in tomorrow.

#embarassed to go back in and see my coworkers who saw me in that frenzied state. i hope this sunday lasts 5ever #idk. i suck at regulating my emotions... people understansably dont like that. #like your bad vibes make them feel bad yknow #i dont blame myself for it btw considering what was happening but i really hate that i couldn't keep my cool yesterday #its just embarassing to be in your mid 20s and still struggling with this #funny bc all these judgements im saying i would never cast on someone even in their 30s or older. id be so understanding #but when its me its like how dare you not stay calm and cool and composed even if you are retriggered #trauma is legit embarassing