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#idk its like. when i started Not wanting to die its like a breath of fresh air it was amazing i FELT born again
bunnyb34r · 3 months
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God I hope my fucking meds get here today I stg
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loveforeren · 9 months
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Miguel and different sex positions pt.1 eheheh cowgirl.
Miguel absolutely love when you ride him. The feeling you moving on top on him makes him lean his head back, mouth open, and his hands on your hips.
You were on top of him as you hover yourself over his erect cock. No matter how many times you took him it always had the same feeling. That almost overbearing feeling of him stretching you out, and molding you around his cock. You slowly started to push down letting him slide inside you. You let out a gasp as his tip pushed its way into your needy cunt. You hear Miguel hiss as he grips your waist tightly.
"Shit. Just like that, Mami." Miguel said.
You continue to push down as you feel Miguel fill you up. The feeling of him stretching you out to die for. You put your hand on his chest to help you. Finally sitting all the way down on his cock you let out a moan.
"..You okay, Cariño?" He asked in a airy breath.
You nod and look up at him with teary eyes. He was so fucking big. You start to move slowly bringing yourself up and down on his dick slowly. His nails penetrate your skin and you let out a moan from the pain.
"Faster. Go faster." He said throwing his head back.
His wish was your command. You bring yourself down on his cock faster. The feeling of his shaft sliding inside of you was euphoric.
"Miguel-" You hissed out his name.
He came forward latching onto one of your sensitive buds. The other hand massaged your other breast. You clench around him tight and he lets out a groan causing a shiver to go down your back. His mouth detaches from your breast and he lets out an almost pornographic moan.
"Wanna get your pregnant.." he babbled mindlessly.
Miguel absolutely loved the feeling of your body squeezing him. He let out a grin as you throw your head back. The sight of you on top of him was almost enough to make him cum. He was ready to fill you up with every drop of his seed.
"Mami, want me to get you pregnant? Get you all nice and swollen with my kid?" He asked
"Yes! Yes, Miguel please." You moaned
You feel that knot in your stomach. That one telling you that you were about to cum. Miguel was now in control of your movements helping you move up and down on his cock.
"Miggy, I'm about to come" You choke out.
"Come f'me, Amor" He purred.
That was all it took as you came undone on Miguel's dick. The feeling of you clenching around his cock sent Miguel over the edge. He threw his head back as you milk him of every drop of sperm he had. His nails digged farther into your waist as you keep your hand on his chest. He swears you're going to be the death of him.
Moni notes ➳❥ yall I'm tryna write but I'm deadass a little sick. I've been sick for the past couple days..I have like 13 unfinished drafts. I think imma write another eren or Connie fic idk..
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xxbimbobunnyxx · 25 days
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Her Emperor, His Destiny
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(Alpha!Paul Atreides x Omega!BeneGesserit!Reader)
Summary: Ever since Paul presented no omega has smelled remotely appealing to him. His only reprieve is his dreams that have been filled with nothing but an angelic voice calling out to him, the silhouette of a woman he can’t quite make out, and the sweetest saccharine smell. Wk: 3.2k
Warnings: General omegaverse behaviors, knotting, scenting, marking, breeding, Paul and reader are a soul bound pair, inappropriate use of the voice(by both Paul & Reader) , fluff, kinda love making? Idk this is much softer than my usual smut. I think that’s it, lmk if I missed any!! 18+MNDI!!
A/N: Listen… I know this is left field for me but I made a promise to myself that I would start writing for ME again, and that means writing whatever I want. I saw Dune 2 and I couldn’t get this idea out of my head. Paul is so alpha coded I feel like it was dropped in my lap.
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Paul expected the air to be different, smell different, out in the desert planes of Arkkis. Thus far it’s as he expected. The smell of spice and sand permeate the air to the point that it’s over powering, flooding every single one of your senses. The sand lingers on any inch of exposed skin practically borrowing its way underneath. The smell of spice is so strong that it feels like it’s drowning you, invading your lungs and nostrils, coating them, leaving your insides feeling like sandpaper if you dare breathe it in.
But as he follows Stilgar into the sietch he can’t even be bothered with the glares and sideways glances from the Freman because the further they walk the more his senses are hit with an overwhelmingly saccharine smell. It was like someone was baking the finest pastry mixed with a warm milk bath on a cold winter's day. He had only ever smelled something as sweet as this in his dreams. A scent he’s dreamed of so vividly that it lingered in his nostrils when he woke, but he’s never caught a whiff of it in waking hours until now. There was no doubt in his mind that this is the same scent. The scent that’s haunted him every night since he presented. The scent of his omega, his destined mate.
“I can hear and smell you scenting back there, Paul Atreides… I suggest you get your pheromones under control before we enter.” Stilgar looks back at him with an apprehensive look and Paul apologizes nodding in agreement. “Mating is a very sacred thing to my people. Each pair must be approved and blessed by the high priestess. And all unmated omegas rooms are on the opposite side of the alphas. It is very important that you follow all rules, but especially this one. Do you understand?”
“Yeah, I understand.” He understood the rule but does that mean he was going to follow it? He could certainly try. But that scent was intoxicating and the closer they got to the sietch the stronger it got. He knows given the chance, he’d break that rule in an instant. Consequences be damned.
“Many wait for their soul bound mate and majority of them die alone, never finding the one.” Paul found this odd. Soul bounds are few and far between nowadays and he comes from a place where mating is a transaction, a bargain, something of power and not of love. But as that sugary sweet scent swirls around him, almost making him dizzy, he thinks he might understand wanting to wait for your one. It’s been a few years now since he presented and no omega has ever smelled even remotely appealing to him. They either smelled of nothing or downright revolting, his only reprieve was in his dreams. His dreams filled with that sugary smell and the figure of a woman whose face he could never quite make out.
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When Stilgar pulled his mother aside Paul found himself alone in a room filled with stares. Some looked at him in awe, certain he was their long awaited Maud’Dib. Others looked at him with disdain, snickering to each other as they shamelessly pointed his way. But he honestly wasn’t concerned with any of it, because as he sat against the stony wall the scent was stronger than ever. He could almost taste it. His eyes searched the room, craving nothing more than to put a face to the smell that has nearly become his drug. But as he looked across the various faces surrounding him, no one stuck out to him.
But he was certain she was in this room, if not this one than the next. That warm saccharine scent was so close it was as if it were right next to him. That’s when he feels a tap on his shoulder, causing him to jump. Either this person was stealthy or he was so lost in thought he didn’t hear them approaching but when his head whips around to see who it is he feels like his heart is going to burst. He hears the sound of bells ringing, a sound that he’s only heard in the churches back home. There standing over him is the most ethereal woman he’s ever seen, beautiful, perfect, sweet smelling, you.
“Hello, Paul Atreides, I’ve been waiting for you.” You smile down at him sweetly, your eyes filled with adoration. You aren’t dressed like the Fremen, no tans or browns or stillsuit to be found. A black silky dress adorns your form, fitting you perfectly. There’s a sheer midnight colored scarf wrapped around your head and shoulders, framing your face like the greatest work of art. You weren’t Fremen. You were a Bene Gesserit. Or at the very least, one in training.
“I think… I’ve been waiting for you too.” Paul’s voice is trance-like, looking up at you like you hung all the stars in the sky. The sound of the voice you’ve heard so many times in your slumber sending chills down your spine.
“Won’t you come with me? I have so much to tell you.” You look at him eagerly, offering him your danity ringed hand.
“I don’t know if I’m… supposed to…” He wants nothing more than to follow you. He would follow you into one of the suns of Arakkis if you asked him to. But he knew he was already on thin ice here and he feared what would happen to him and his mother if he were to upset anyone further.
“Do not bother with them, they will see the way. They will see what I’ve seen. Soon they will be cheering your name. Come.”
Paul scans the room, all eyes are on the two of you but when he looks back at your reassuring smile it’s like no one else matters, no one else exists. He takes your hand, letting you pull him along through hallways and far away from prying eyes. You drag him into a room that he assumes is yours, shutting the door behind you.
“Have you dreamt of me, Paul?” You sit on the bed and pull the scarf from your head, leaning back on your palms. You look so beautiful and the room is engulfed in your scent. It clings to every inch of the space and radiates off of you in waves.
“Yes… have you dreamt of me?” He takes an apprehensive step toward you, leaving a few feet of distance between the two of you. His green eyes feel as if they’re eating you alive and the scent of him causes slick to rush into your panties.
“Yes, every night since I presented as an omega my dreams have been filled with nothing but you. And more recently I’ve had visions of you in my waking hours. Will you tell me, Paul, about your dreams?” Your voice is as sweet as your scent. The way you’re leaning back on your hands makes the silk of your dress taunt against your breasts, your peaked nipples on display. The sight of you and the unmistakable smell of your slick makes his cock stir in his pants.
“They aren’t very vivid… mostly just flashes of you from behind, the sound of your voice, you were always saying ‘come to me Paul, for I am your destiny’ but your scent? That was so clear to me.” He takes another step forward, reaching a hand out as if he’s going to touch you but he lets it fall to his side, like he thought better of it. “I didn’t know it was possible to have a sense of smell in your dreams, but night after night I was surrounded by your scent as I slept.”
“I could smell you as well and I smelled you the minute you arrived. But my dreams are much more detailed than yours. There is much you do not know.” You approach him, closing the small distance between you. You rest your hands on his chest, looking up at him with hooded eyes. “Would you like me to tell you about them?”
“I’d love nothing more, omega.” His thumb gently caresses the apple of your cheek before traveling down to push some of your hair off your shoulder. He’s looking down at you expectantly, eagerly waiting for you to speak.
“Your dreams are correct, I am your destiny, and you are mine. I can feel the doubt in your heart, feel that you do not believe in yourself, do not believe that you are the Maud’Dib but you are, sweet Paul. For I have seen it.”
“Tell me? What have you seen?” He searches your eyes for signs of doubt or deceit but all he sees is truth there. Truth and the same adoring look you gave him when he first saw you.
“I’ve seen you learning the ways of the Fremen. I’ve seen you move them, rally them. I’ve seen a battle in which you win. I’ve seen you upon the emperor's throne, ruling over all, with me by your side, our child in my arms.” Your hands travel from his chest to take his face in your soft palms where you rub soothing circles on his temples.
“You saw… all of that?” Paul’s voice sounded exasperated, like what you’ve told him took all the breath from his lungs. He feels like it has. The finality and bluntness in which you speak tell him that your words are true.
“Yes, and more. There will be plenty of time to tell you about it all. But right now? I need you.” Right as the words leave your mouth a gush of slick drips down your legs. The presence of your mate triggering your heat weeks early.
“Tell me what you need, omega.” His voice drops an octave, taking on that deep alpha tone. It makes your heart speed up as another gush of slick drips from your core. You can’t help but think what it would be like if he used The Voice on you. Regularless of how absolutely blasphemous that would be considered.
“I need you, alpha. I need your cock. I need you to fill me up and lock your seed inside me with your knot.” Paul lets out a growl before reaching out, one hand gripping onto your hip to pull you flush against him and the other going to the back of your neck so he could connect his lips with your own.
The kiss starts off rough, eager, and hungry. But after a few moments his lips become tender against your own, his fingers threading through your hair as his tongue swipes across your bottom lip. You grant him access, immediately intertwining his tongue with your own, moaning at the taste of him.
“I’ll give you whatever you want, my moon. Ask for it and it is yours.” He kisses down your jaw to your throat where he runs the tip of his nose along your scent gland, inhaling deeply. “You wish for me to make love to you? Then I shall.”
Paul pushes the thin straps of your satin dress down your shoulders, kissing along the column of your throat, your collar bones, across your shoulders. You drop your arms so the straps fall the rest of the way down, the dress slipping down your body with them. Leaving you bare before him aside from the thin black material of your panties.
“Absolutely beautiful, angelic.” He runs the back of his hand down your cheek, your jaw, your neck, all the way down until his back knuckles are caressing the tender peaks of your nipples. He slides it across your chest, giving the other the same treatment before taking both of your tits in his hands. He gently squeezes them, pinching your hardened nipples between his fingers, eliciting little whimpers from you.
“I heard your mother has been teaching you our ways. How is your training?” Paul raises an eyebrow at you, certainly wondering why you’re asking him about that at a time like this. “I only ask because I was wondering if you might want to practice on me.”
“Do you mean…?” He looks at you with wide eyes and you smirk, biting your lip.
“That’s exactly what I mean. I can feel your apprehension, don’t be afraid, I want this.” You lean into him, smashing his hands that are still on your chest between your bodies as you lean up to you run your nose along his scent gland, darting your tongue out to taste the sweat and spice that coat his skin. He grabs onto your shoulders, pushing you back so he can look in your eyes, searching for any signs of doubt. But as every other time he’s looked in your eyes tonight, he’s seen nothing but honesty there. Nothing but truth.
“Get on the bed on your back. Spread your legs.” Your body immediately reacts, doing exactly as he asks. Paul approaches the foot of the bed, standing between your spread legs. “That’s a good girl.”
His hands grip onto your knees, pushing your legs further apart, leaning down to shove his face between your legs. His nose runs along the soaked material of your panties, deeply inhaling the sugary sweet smell of your slick.
“Alpha, please.”
“You do not have to beg, my moon. I’m going to give you exactly what you want.” Paul smirks up at you before lacing his fingers into the band of your panties and ripping them in half. He runs his tongue up your slit, circling it around your sensitive clit. The feeling of his hot wet mouth has you coming undone instantly, your slick gushing all over his chin and down his neck where it drips onto his shirt. He moans at the taste, sweeter than anything that’s ever graced his taste buds. “Yes, that’s my good little omega, give it all to me, let me drink in your sweet nectar.”
He dives back in, shoving his tongue as deep into your pussy as it can go, fucking you with it. His lips come up to wrap around your clit while his fingers circle your dripping entrance. He runs his fingers through your folds before shoving them knuckle deep inside of you.
“Oh fuck! I’m going to cum again, I’m gonna cum.” You move your hips against his face as he curls his fingers against your sweet spot, your legs clamp around his head and your entire body shakes as your high washes over you. Paul pushes himself up from the bed, ridding himself of his clothes before climbing back over to you, situating himself on top of you with his hands on either side of your head. His hard cock is resting against your lower stomach, the tip leaking precum onto your skin.
“I want to taste you too.” You run your fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face. You didn’t even care that the ache between your legs wouldn’t be satiated until he was inside you, you needed to taste him.
“Next time. I need to be inside you now.” It comes out a soft whisper, his forehead resting against your own. He reaches between your bodies, taking his cock in his hand and lining it up with your entrance. He connects his lips with your own, kissing you passionately as he begins to push inside you. You both moan as he bottoms out, his hips flush against your own. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, slipping your tongue into his mouth as his thrusts begin to pick up.
“Mmm you feel amazing, my love, my lord, my emperor.” Paul looks into your eyes as he continues to fuck you at a linguid pace, rolling his hips against your own as he pushes himself as deep inside you as possible.
“My moon, my destiny.” He picks up the pace, pushing up on his knees and wrapping your legs around his hips. Your tits jiggle with every thrust, the fucked out love sick gaze that you send his way makes his skin even hotter.
“I want you to fill me up, alpha. Fill me with your cum. Put a pup in me. So we can fulfill our prophecy.” Paul snakes a hand between the two of you, connecting his thumb with your clit so he can rub circles on it in time with his thrusts.
“Open your mouth.” The sound of him using The Voice makes your walls clench around him, your jaw dropping open at his command. He leans down, letting the spit that had collected in his mouth drip down into your tongue. “Swallow it.”
You swallow with an audible gulp. Your heart warming at the gesture that anywhere else would be considered lewd but here on Arakkis to share one’s sacred spit with another was a grand gesture of love.
“Thank you, my love. You taste better than the finest feast. I cannot wait to know what your cum tastes like.” Paul groans at that, his eyes rolling in the back of his head. His thrusts start to grow sloppy but he refuses to finish before you do.
“Cum for me.” As soon as the words leave his mouth your walls are convulsing around him, sucking him as your slick soaks his cock.
“Mark me, Paul. Sink your teeth into my flesh and bind us together as we are meant to be.” You tug on his arms, pulling his upper half so it’s draped over you, his face buried in your neck. His thrusts become slow and deep again, his cock hitting that perfect spot inside you.
“But Stilgar said…” He groans, using every ounce of strength in his body to not just sink his teeth into your soft neck.
“I do not care what Stilgar said. This is bigger than him. Bigger than all of them. Mark me.” His mouth moves before his mind can process what’s happening, his teeth sinking deep into your flesh, breaking the skin. The feeling is like nothing you’ve ever felt. Electricity washes through your body, the most world altering orgasm of your life wracks through you, and you feel like your soul leaves you, connecting with Paul’s before returning to your earthly vessel. He pushes his hips flush against yours, ropes of his cum spilling inside you.
“Oh fucking shit.” Paul groans, pulling his mouth from your neck, gliding his tongue over the indents of his teeth. He leans back to look at you, eyes roaming your face. His knot swells inside of you and a look of pain crosses your features before turning into one of ecstasy. Loud moans leave your lips as your final orgasm of the night washes over you. Paul leans down, connecting his lips with yours, kissing you like it’s the last thing he will ever do. Though it was far from it.
“I hope you are not upset with me, Maud’Dib.” You take his face in your hands, running the top of your nose along his cheek.
“I don’t think I could ever be upset with you, my love. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on when you used The Voice on me…” he chuckles, resting his forehead against your own. “I am so happy I finally found you…”
“You have me now, until the day I take my last breath I will belong to you, Paul Atreides. Together, we will accomplish great things.”
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bangchansgirlsblog · 3 months
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Ive been imagining this and ik its weird BUT ot8 skz being perv and so obsessed to fem 9th member.. Like they get super jealous and the fem readed being a people pleaser like she cant say no to her friends and cant stand seeing them sad so when the members started to became sexually touchy w her they used that against her and be like "dont u want to see us happy? We've been tired and we just want to relieve some stress.. I thought u can help us.. I guess not" and they pretend to be sad abt it and the reader just felt guilty for not helping her friends so she lets them touch her which led to smut KDNDJFKDJ its weird but idk i die for these kinds of fics
Hands on me?
Warning: Angst, sexual activity, manipulation?
Pairing: polyOT8 x reader.
Summary: Don’t you wanna see us happy baby? They said as they slowly peeled her clothes off.
AUTHORS NOTE: this has been in my requests for a while and I write this when I first started off SO it’s not good at all BUT I’m going to write another one using this same request cause I have another idea AND this was in my drafts for a while so I’m dropping it to clear it.
I hope whoever requested this, enjoys it 🥰
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"Baby?!" She heard someone call for her from the living room. 
"I'm in here!" She replied. Her hair was up in a pony tail and she was currently wearing shorts and a croptop with no bra on making her look yummy.
She heard a bunch of voices start piling up in the living room meaning that the boys were back home.
A small smile creeped up on her face as she continued to wash up the dishes she had used to cook dinner. She made a big dinner because at the end of the day she was feeding 8 of her boyfriends who were also MEN. 
"Hey love," Han walked into the kitchen. His hair was in a hat and he had his normal hoodie and cargo pants on. "Are you feelings better?" He asked while taking a few steps towards her until he towering her. His breathing was heavy probably from the flight of stairs.
"Mmm, yeah. Just been a long day that's all." She sighed and looked up at him. He had a pout on his face making her coo at how adorable the boy was.
"I missed you," he said in between kisses. 
"Missed you too momo," he rested his head on her shoulder she continued to finish the dishes.Han was always clingy, not more than Felix but it was more than the other boys, that was for sure.
As she finished up she felt His hands slowly wondering around her body then slowly landing on her ass. oh, makes sense. He was horny.
She did love every interaction with her boys, she really did but today she wasn't in the mood at all. She was tired and she had a horrible headache from work. having sex was not on her to-do list but a nap was.
"Do you want me to take care of you?" He whispered in her ear causing shivers to run down her spine. She was sad because she was going to turn him down and she knew how stressed all the boys were, he just wanted have fun.
"Maybe not right now momo, I'm not in the mood," She told him while finishing the last of the dishes and drying her hands. He pouts and lets out a small whimper.
"Have you eaten yet?" She asked him changing the subject.
"Not yet no," he frowned.
"Okay then sit, let me call the other guys to come eat too," She encourage him, "and don't forget to put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket," She tiptoed and gave him a quick kiss before going to the living room to find only Changbin sat while scrolling through his phone.
He was wearing all black and he had his glasses on. His hair was fluffy and curly meaning today he was in the studio all day.
"Binnie?" She walked and sat by him, "what are you doing?"
"Hey baby," he kisses her temple and then her lips, "I was just lacing up my shoes, what about you? How was your day?"
"I'm tired that's all," she pouted, "and my period is coming soon so I'm breaking out!" she exclaimed and crossed her arms causing him to chuckle.
"I mean atleast you look nice," he dropped his shoe and pulled her close to his body, "you look beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, amazing-"
"Okay, okay I get the point," she roll my eyes playfully.
"Hey? Am I not allowed to praise my beautiful girlfriend?" He playfully frowns.
"You are I geuss," she giggled and he couldnt help but pull her onto his lap.
"Then let me praise you huh?" He kisses her cheek and slowly starts moving down her neck. A small moan leaves her mouth.
"B-Binnie, I'm not in the mood, please," she told him.
"Why not? You're always in the mood," he looks confused.
"Not today, just come have lunch yeah?" she give him a peck on the lips and got off him so he could stand up.
"Fine," he huffs. He makes his way to the dining area as she depart6ed and headed to Felix's room
"Felix?" she called while knocking on his door.
"It's open!"
"Hey sunshine, dinner is ready-"
"Hey! no kisses? No hugs?" He frowned and turned around from his desk.
"Oh-" she giggled when she realized and then walked over to him, "Hey lix," she repeated and  gave him a kiss as he automatically pulled her on his lap.
"How's my baby doing?" He asked as his hands wrapped around her waist and he cuddled her body.
"Mm just tired," she sighed.
"Oh my poor baby, should we watch a movie later?" He was craving her. he wanted to spend more time with her because he felt like he had spent so much time with the boys that he was neglecting her.
"Yeah that would be nice but first go get lunch," she forced herself out of his grip but he let out a soft whine due to the lack of touch and well...the bulge that was now very visible through his pants.
"Look what you've done to me," he whined again causing her to laugh at his distraught state.
"Oh oh, you better fix that before you go down,"
"Help me please!" He frowned.
"I'm not in the mood Felix, please."
"Come on pleaseee, it's been a long day. Don't you want to see me happy?"
His eyes were shiny and hungry, it was obvious.
"Fine after dinner," she lied to him so he could get up and he actually believed it.
"Okay okay, I'm running there now!"
He got up from his sit and rushed out the room.
She followed behind him and checked the dining room to see everyone now sitting down including Chan, I.N, Seungmin and leeknow.
She went around to give them quick kisses before returning to her room and changed into just a  huge shirt (that was probably for one of the boys) and underwear.
She turned off all her room lights and entered bed now being able to have a peaceful sleep. A nice, nice qui-
She felt the bed dip and hands wrap around her body. Her eyes open quickly and she saw familiar hands. Chan.
"Channie?"
"Hey babe, I wanted to cuddles," he pouted.
"Fine but no disturbing my sleep," she scolded him and turned so it was easier for him to wrap his arms around her waist.
Her eyes slowly closed once again and she finally thought she was to get some sleep until the door swung wide open and closed quickly, two more people walking in and making themselves comfortable in her bed. Han and I.N. At this point she was so used to it that she just let them stay as they both argued on who was sleeping where.
"Guys if you're going to be in here, you have to be quiet and sleep," She told all of them off. Even if she was getting a little frustrated she scooted up a little so they could all enter the bed.
Not even a few minutes later all the boys were now in her room on her bed piling onto one another under her fluffy blankets. She knew exactly what they wanted when she felt one of their hands massaging her leg.
She let out a sigh, "Such horny dogs!" she groaned.
"Common baby, it's been a long day. Don't you care about us?" Hyunjin teased her in a manipulative manner.
"Just a little fun. Come on please," Han rubbed her leg once more back and forth causing shivered to run down her spine.
"You look good too," Felix complimented her while tugging at her bra strap, "really good." They were basically already peeling her clothes off with their cold ass hands.
She let out a sigh and finally gave in, "F-fine I geuss so," her eyes wonder to Chan who gives her an assuring nod.
//please idk how to write a smut but just imagine the nastiest thing ever happens//
When they were done and the boys were satisfied as Y/n sat on the bed. Her heart was racing from all the action but she was in her own space. Spaced out.
The constant thoughts of the boys using her for their sexual desires made her enter a depressive episode. Yes she enjoyed the sex and the attention but so many emotions were running through her tiny body that she couldn't handle it anymore.
She felt used like a sex toy and the tears in her eyes slowly started to build as she started to breath rapidly. The air in the room getting suddenly thick. Seungmin was in the bathroom running her bath for her after care. The sound of the water falling was the only sort of noise she could hear.
She held her knees against her chest as she tried to calm down. Han's hand wrapped around her waist. As he kissed her temple. "you did so good for us, you know that right babygirl?" he praised but she didnt even notice him in the first place. Her eyes were hazy and completely black and when Han noticed, he gave chan a look. 
"Hey, are you with us?" Chan asked immediately as he pulled up his sweatpants. "Y/n?"
No response.
She was staring at the wall right in-front of her. She felt unloved. She felt tired. She was in pain.
The boys (some of them were still dressing up) all turned to look at her. Her body was still bare and the bruises on her arms were visible.
"Is she going into a trance?" I.N asked panicked. "Chan do something, please,"
"Hey Y/n? Babygirl? It me. Can you hear me?" He walked over to her and grabbed her tiny hands.
"C-channie?" She chocked as She looked up at him. The tears slowly starting to fall.
"Yes my love, it's me. Can you tell me where you are?"
"I'm alone, I'm all alone," she sobbed. "Why am I like this? Why am I so disgusting?" She cried.
"What do you mean Y/n?" He asked shocked.
"I-I want Binnie, I want Binnie now," she said reaching out for him. Changbin did not hesitate. He was right by her side pulling her onto his lap. The rest of the boys understanding what was going on and quickly taking action.
"I'm here princesses, tell me what's wrong," he had no shirt on and the skin to skin was slowly giving her comfort as his body heat was radiating warmth.
"I-do you love me?" She asked. The panic in her voice was clear. She was soon going to get a panic attack. it was building up.
"Ofcourse I love you babydoll, why would you think otherwise?" He questioned while kissing her forehead.
"i- i dont know, please dont be mad at me," She sobbed in his chest. The view was heartbreaking and the boys knew that if they didnt find a way to cheer her up soon it would end up into a full blown panic attack.
"I'm going to make some brownies for her," Felix said because he knew this was the only way he could comfort her on his part. He quickly leaves the room after hesitating for a bit not wanting to leave her.
"I- are you guys using me? For sex?" She cried harder. Her hands held Changbins chest as She struggled to breathe. Their faces were in absolute shock. was this what they made her think? was this all she thought she was to them? 
"Ofcourse not," leeknow knelt down infront of her. He slowly rubbed her thigh. "Jagi, you need to breathe. Can you do that for me?" He asked her. Her body was shaking still. she tried to gasp for air but failed. 
"Listen to me beuatiful, you need to breathe like me....see," he took a deep breathe to demonstrate to her but it was no use. 
"i- i cant breathe," she gasped and let go of changbin to grab her neck. it felt like it was closing up. Her vision was blurry now and the lack of oxygen was getting to her. 
"C-chan?" she gasped as she slowly she started to pass out. Her body giving up on her due to the many emotions.
"come on baby, stay with me," she heard in the distance.
"Guys! call 119,"
***
This is just a fic no one come for me 😔
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how to be wary/alert without crossing over into fear? is the question
#a question. i guess. today i had enough energy to think about how to navigate spaces/places w/o getting dumbed down by fear#ok a certain kind of fear. like the ..disabling kind? idk. mayb this is a superficial boundary but how to keep the leash on a warranted '#'paranoia'. alertness that enables access to action and direct action and harm reduction stuff. not endless paranoia and guilt-feeding.#feel like u have to be in a very well-resourced space internally to idk have the stamina to keep up that kinda alertness/wariness#this has a lot to do with killing/unlearning the part of you that cringes at being 'out of step' or being surveilled or not wanting to step#on ppl's toes or disturb the negative peace or whatever. i feel like i could've explained this better when im not knee-deep in an episode bu#whatever lol what i am saying is im fearfullllllll im full of fear and its not the healthy kind lol it is paralyzing it keeps me from breath#ing and moving and etc etc#and also when am i gonna feel secure enough to sense that this shit is just straight up silly? and stupid? all the way through? that i find#it so disinteresting and un-arresting that i am deeply unimpressed n so able to achieve another sorta buoyancy? that lets me keep working or#being or doing the shit i want to do#cuz rn im so fatigued -- well its better i used to not be able to lift a finger without wanting to die -- that all this seems inaccessible o#or something . and ive been passing slowly thru the same old acknowledgement that maybe it isnt lol. it makes sense that this is a praxis a#way of life to orient towards rather than uhh uh the thing in my head that says that losing my grip on this means losing my grip forever and#its a permanent reflection of my worth/failure or whatever. its a one-time thing. end or be all. all or nothing. etc#lol. like relearning is a one-time bus stop. lol. sorry lol.#u know i was so angry and despairing at how i cant even rest now without guilt pervading all senses even tho i remembered i could easily#and without effort before. and a little bit rn im having the space to remember that thats an active practice helloooo thats why its an activ#practice it did not hit me immediately or at all as most things do rn but uh yeah its starting to look not-impossible. finally. i really had#to slog thru months to come to a point where this is possible again huh. exhausting#dont rb#soy talks shit
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ihave-atummyache · 5 months
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nicknames
Stray Kids Imagine
Summary: what i think the boys would call their lovers.
sfw. cute little fluffy headcannons(?)
-OT8
2k words
p.s. lmk if you want a 18+ version (:
Chan- I want to be a babygirl advocate for Chan but whenever he says it, it just sounds too foreign coming out of his mouth. I think he's a simple baby, babe, sweetheart kind of guy. PROBABLY PRINCESS TOO.
You and Chan haven’t been together long. Matter of fact, you technically aren’t together at all. It’s kind of that weird you are dating but you aren’t kind of thing.
You two had started getting more and more comfortable around each other and the other day you let a term of endearment leave your lips, which was something that hadn’t happened in the relationship yet.
The two of you were on the phone and you were about to be on the way to his place to hang out.
“Yeah. I’ll text you when I’m outside. See you, baby,” you hung up before he could even process what you said. You honestly didn’t even notice you said it but you had the poor boy a flustered mess and all he could think about was how to get you back.
He thought the perfect opportunity was a few days later when he had invited you to hang out with him and Changbin in the recording studio.
"Baby, can you pass me my phone?" Chan's voice speaks up and you freeze for a moment next to Changbin. He had never called you that before but the way it slipped off his tongue so easily has butterflies in your belly.
You grab his phone and walk it over to him in his studio chair.
"Thank you, sweetheart," he presses a kiss to your hand, never taking his eyes off the computer. You smile down at him and lean down, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
You walk back over to the couch and Changbin looks over at you.
“I was so confused. I thought he was talking to me at first,” He mumbles to you and you laugh, nodding your head.
“Me too,”
Lee Know- Def calls you something annoying to get on your nerves. He would be the type to call you something that may seem nice but has an underlying jab at you. Like you had a nip slip at the beach one time and he called you peek-a-boo for the rest of the trip.
"Hi, cupcake," you feel Minho's lips on your cheek and turn to face him. You stare at him blankly for a few seconds before turning back to your laptop.
He adopted this nickname after you dropped a cupcake on his new shoes at friend’s dinner party. You had too much in your hands and the cupcake kind of just flipped, landing icing down on your boyfriend’s foot.
"Damn. Tough crowd," he mumbles and plops down next to you, making a laugh fall from your lips.
"You're ridiculous. You know that?" you ask and turn to face him, a cheesy grin on his face.
"You love me," he replies and you shake your head softly at him.
"Unfortunately," you mumble under your breath, earning yourself a poke in the ribs from your boyfriend.
Changbin- CALLS HIS S/O BUN OR BUNNY. I will die on this hill. Idk what it is about Changbin but its just so right. I'm imagining you at the gym with him and he's just like "that's it bun, there you go," akshsksls butterflies. hollon lemme write this down.
"One more. There you go, bun. You're doing great," Changbin praises you as you finish your last rep. You let the machine fall back to resting position and your entire body collapses into the seat.
Your boyfriend leans down and presses a quick kiss to your sweaty forehead. You scrunch your nose up at him, knowing that he feels your sweat on his lips.
"You're so cute. Especially when you scrunch your nose up like that. You're really living up to the nickname," he comments and you feel a blush cover your cheeks.
"Stop. You're making me shy, Binnie," you mumble and stand from the machine. He takes your place and gives your ass a soft tap.
"Binnie and his bunny. Cute," he replies instead and you fight the smile off your face as you start to stretch in front of him.
Hyunjin- I see him as a little bit possessive so like all of your nicknames are relatively normal besides him adding a "my" in front of it. My love,  my baby, my muse, my princess, my sweetheart, my angel.
You rustle a bit in bed. You can feel your boyfriend's arms wrapped tightly around your waist and the morning sun from the window is warming up your face. Your eyes slowly open and you expect to see a still sleeping Hyunjin.
Instead, you see your stunning boyfriend with his eyes already open and trained on your face. You smile and let your eyes fall back closed again.
"You're staring, Jinnie," you mumble, voice raspy from sleep and he hums in response, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to your lips.
"I can't help it. You are so beautiful in the mornings, my love," his voice is deep and sleepy and you open your eyes again when he brushes a strand of hair away from your face.
"My angel," he speaks softly before leaning in to lock lips again.
Han- I'm giggling n kicking my feet rn. Jisung is SO the type to call his s/o wife or husband like fr. ALSO, I'm sorry I have to say it, he uses honey. It may not be serious usually but he for sure says it. He also definitely uses baby but I don't really see him using babe.
"I'll have to ask the wife," you hear Jisung on the phone as you enter the bedroom. You plop your purse down before making your way over to him. He leans up from the chair and you lean down, meeting in the middle and pressing a kiss to his lips.
"Ask me what?" You inquire and he spins the chair, patting his thighs. You obey and sit yourself down in his lap, wrapping an arm around his neck.
"Minho wants to know if we'll cat sit. He's going out of town this weekend," he replies. His hand that isn't holding his phone to his ear wraps around your waist, rubbing shapes into the flesh.
"Duh! I love those cats like they're my own!" You exclaim and you hear Minho laugh on the other side of the line.
"I know, honey. You heard her. Sounds like you can bring them over tomorrow," he turns his attention to Minho for a few more seconds and talks about a few things you don't really care about before he hangs up and turns his attention back to you.
"How was shopping, baby?" he asks quietly, nuzzling into your side and pulling you closer, making a giggle fall from your lips.
Felix- Felix probably gives you a custom cute nickname that he came up with just for you. Besides that, I think he would also use love, lovey, sweetheart, angel, the real cute stuff. The type of things that like send butterflies throughout your whole body.
"Hi, lovey! What's the matter?" Felix's voice sounds over the phone and you can't help the smile that absolutely takes over your face, despite your terrible mood. He is the embodiment of sunshine and just hearing his voice immediately makes your day a million times better.
"Hi, baby," you reply, you know the smile is evident in your voice but you really don't care. Everyone knows the effect that this man has on you.
"You don't sound that upset. You okay?" he has genuine concern in his voice and it's making you want to burst out into tears. It is making your feeling of missing him so much worse and better at the same time. You had texted Felix a simple "):" and not even 30 seconds later, you were getting an incoming call.
"I just miss you, Lix. That's all," you mumble out over the phone and hear him let out a sigh. You also let out a sigh before he starts talking again.
"I know, angel. But there's only two more weeks! Then I'm all yours and you're all mine," he tries to make you feel better and it does work a little bit. A small chuckle leaves your lips but a sniffle also follows. You can practically see Felix's frown at the thought of you crying.
"I love you so much, baby. It won't be long. I swear it," he promises you and you sniffle again before nodding, although he can't see you.
"I love you. I can't wait to have you in my arms again, sunshine," you reply and now it's Felix's turn to sniffle, making you sit up in the chair.
"Are you crying, Lixie?"
"I'm an empath,"
"You're a goof," you reply before you both start laughing on either side of the phone, and the world.
Seungmin- One thing about Seungmin is that I feel like he wouldn't often use nicknames around others. If he does, it is an accidental slip of the tongue and he gets embarrassed by being caught. He would probably keep it simple with baby, sweetheart, love. I could also see him using something like bub or bubby. I think he would also use princess for some reason but it would be more to tease you if you were acting extra needy.
“Yes, of course, princess. I’ll give you the world on a silver platter if you want me to, princess,” Seungmim rolls his eyes at you but stands anyways. He adjusts the blanket to the way you like it and Felix lets out a chuckle on the other couch.
“I don’t know why he’s acting like he wouldn’t actually give you the world on a silver platter if he could,” he chuckles and makes a whipping motion with his hand.
“Shut up,” Seungmin mumbles under his breath and sits back down next to you, never denying the accusation.
“What, baby? Don’t wanna deny it?” You tease, poking him in his cheek and he pulls away, scrunching his face at you.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I don’t like you that much, bub,” the nickname slips from his lips before he can stop it and he snaps his mouth shut, ears and neck immediately turning red.
“The Kim Seungmin has been caught lacking!” Felix suddenly yells and lets out a deep laugh, making you laugh as well. Seungmin pulls the blanket over his head and slouches down until he can bury his head against your stomach.
“You aren’t helping your case, ya big simp,” you tease him again and you feel his teeth latch down on your stomach, making you jump.
“Hey! No biting! You damn dog,” you scold him but you still can’t help the laugh that’s leaving your lips and Felix can’t stop laughing either. Seungmin really got caught being the biggest simp for you and Felix will make sure he never lives it down.
I.N- BABE. BABE. BABE. idc he's so babe coded. Idk if I have ever actually heard him say this before but I can imagine his voice so perfectly in my head rn saying babe. I think if he wants to be extra cute and make you blush, he would use something like lover. Just to get a rise out of you.
“Babe! Hurry up! We’ll be late!” You hear your boyfriend’s voice and try your best to finish doing your hair but it just doesn’t look right. You take it out again, frustration starting to take over.
“Y/N!” Jeongin yells from downstairs and you freeze in your spot. You don’t know the last time that he called you by your real name and it made your blood literally run cold. Your palms clam up and now it’ll be impossible to finish your hair if your hands are sweaty.
You stare at yourself in the mirror for a few more seconds until you see Jeongin out your peripheral vision, entering the bathroom.
“You look good. The car is almost here. Come on,” He has impatience laced in his voice and you feel your palms get even more sweaty.
“I-I’m trying. You’re stressing me out,” you try to defend yourself and take a deep breath. Jeongin’s face drops and he quickly walks over to you, pressing a quick kiss to your jaw.
“Is it because I’m rushing you? The company will yell at both of us if we’re late again,” he tries to reason and rubs up and down your arm soothingly. You shake your head at him.
“No, I’m used to you rushing me. You called me by my name,” you reply and a small pout forms on your lips. Jeongin’s eyebrows drop in confusion and he tilts his head at you.
“You didn’t call me babe. I don’t know the last time I heard my name leave your mouth. It feels like when you’re in trouble and your mom uses your full name,” you nod at him and a smile takes over his face.
“Mm. I’m sorry, lover. We really do have to leave though. Leave your hair down. It looks good,” he wraps his arms around you from behind and places another kiss to your neck. You feel a blush rise at the nickname and he smiles at you through the mirror.
“Okay okay. Let’s go,” you roll your eyes, knowing he only used the nickname to make you putty in his hands.
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neteyamslovrr · 1 year
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Luvv your writing, i hope u can do a aonung x fem reader wherein theres part where she almost died (I guess like neteyam) like maybe in later parts and aonung was super worried and thought she actually died which she did but somehow came back and became absolutely clingy and like guardian or overprotective if ever she get hurt the slightest. Idk how will u write but hopefully u can consider thiss❤️❤️
I'm Right Here
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summary:  ao’nung witnessing your near death made him feel hopeless, and he promised to never let anything hurt you again.
1.2k words
──── ⑅*❀*⑅ ────
It all happened so quickly, guns were blazing and the screams of all kinds of life rung through the night sky. You were there to follow Lo’ak as he went to warn Payakan, you didn’t realise this would be the start of a massacre.
You, Tsireya, and Tuk all had begun to creep onto the ship. “Tuk this is a terrible idea!” You whispered as she continued to make her way through the boat.
The boats alarms were flaring as you split away from Tuk and Tsireya. Finding another direction to make sure you could find Kiri. A scream filled your ears as you turned to see Tuk restraining to be tied again.
It was all blur when it happened. You ran so fast you brain couldn’t think. Jumping onto the back of Quaritch strangling him in hopes to get him off Tuk. But it failed miserably.
As he tied Tuk he simultaneously flung you off his back with a hard crash to the ground.
“Y/N!” you heard beside yourself, a worried shriek to keep your consciousness before hissing at the demon in front of you.
Tackling him to the ground he threw you again. “Oh you just don’t stop do you?” He chuckled pulling a gun out of his utility belt.
“Y/N run! Run!” Kiri shrieked. Your legs took off but still not fast enough. Not fast enough to miss the shot he fired.
Pain filtered through your body. If you weren’t so determined to not drown you would have let the pain paralyze you. Floating on the top of the water you quietly called out for someone to help you. The pain was unbearable. A bullet gliding across the top of your ribs was enough to have you scream.
“Y/N! Shit Y/N. Tsireya come over here!” Ao’nung found you barely able to keep afloat. The water surrounding you a red colour inciting worry in everyone.
Ao’nung couldn’t breathe seeing you in so much pain he couldn’t take it. You couldn’t leave him. You weren’t allowed to.
Tsireya came over quickly wearing a horrified look. “She need’s to go back to the village, Mother will help her.” Ao’nung carefully picked you up onto an ilu to ride back to his village.
You started to cough little bits of blood splattering to litter your face. “Fuck Y/N, it’s okay mother will help, I promise.” You cradled into him, your tears staining his chest.
“It hurts Ao’nung, it hurts so much.” Your voice was barely audible, you didn’t want to die, not here, not now.
“It’s okay Y/N its all going to be okay. See we’re here back at the village. Hold on for me okay?” Ao’nung’s comforting words were desperate, almost like he was comforting himself. He screamed for help running to his mother.
Ronal’s face was the same as Tsireya’s when she first saw you. Horrified. The red blossomed throughout your chest decorating your cyan skin.
Ao’nung sat beside you the whole time, he held onto your hand. Begging, praying, pleading with Eywa. He couldn’t lose you, not today, not ever. Ronal did every trick she knew, to bring you back to health. But she could only do so much.
Hour’s pass, and the hours turn into days. The war finished, the Sullys were back but you were still in a coma. Your body was weak, and your skin was pale. The wound had been threaded together by Ronal and your chest rose slowly and shakily.
Everyone tried to convince Ao’nung to leave your side, to get out of the darkness of where you rested. But no one was persuasive enough to convince him to leave you.
He thought if he left you, that you would leave him. Maybe his pleading worked because as he cried into your hair, begging for you to wake.
Your eyelids began to flutter open. The little light filtering through the pod still made you hiss. Ao’nung’s breath hitched. “Y/N? Y/N? are you awake?” He asked immediately holding onto your cheeks. His tears turned into sobs as he saw your scrunched up face and green eyes glowing at him.
“Rough nap I had.” You joked before Ao’nung littered kisses all across your face. Ao’nung swore to himself that he’d never let you get hurt again. He would never ever lose you again.
Months pass and you were fully healed. You could swim, run, walk and laugh just as well as everyone else. But what the shot affected the most was the relationship between you and Ao’nung.
You were promised to each other even before the war. But now that he had almost lost you and he was connected to you by the hip.
Every morning he’d wake next to you and tell you how grateful he was to wake up next to you. He’d constantly come up behind you, hugging you, kissing your neck and whispering sweet nothings. After the shot, any piece of his tough guy exterior was disintegrated by you.
You knew he was overprotective of you before, but now more than ever. He’d guide you down steps, he’d always walk in front of you and when you were hunting he always tagged along. He couldn’t handle the thought of you being injured again.
You were out hunting, Ao’nung lagged behind chatting with Roxto, it was nice to see him relax with his friends. You had the tool in your right hand aimed at a medium sized fish. Pressing the trigger, you let out a pained shout. The device malfunctioned slightly cutting the bottom of your palm deeply.
Your shout immediately got Ao’nung’s attention. The sound of your pained voice brought back deep memories of your body bleeding out and he immediately rushed to were you had risen above the water.
“Y/N, Are you hurt, what’s wrong?, Do you need help?” His eyes frantically looked for an injury, his gaze always wondering down to your scar.
“I’m fine, I just cut my hand.”
“Let me see.” He grabbed your hand and saw the blood gushing out of your hand. For some reason seeing it made him start to tear up. His emotions were a wreck and staring at you hurt, it was a reflection of his worst fear.
Seeing the cut, it made him feel like he couldn’t protect you, just like he couldn’t protect you that day. The feelings of grief and fear hit him like a strong wave as the tears rolled down his face.
“Ao’nung why are you crying?”
“Let’s get you a bandage.” He ignored your queries about his tears until you both reached the shore.
Dragging you back to his tent he still wiping his face. Trying to rid of the evidence that he ever cried.
“Ao’nung stop.” You sat him down, and you sat in his lap. “Why are you crying my love?”
Ao’nung looked into your green eyes, those same eyes he saw almost lose their light that day. With a bandage in hand he slowly wrapped your hand to then rest it in on his heart.
“When you bleed… it reminds me of that day.” Frowning it clicked to why he panicked so much to your blood. “It reminds me of how helpless I was to help you, how I couldn’t do anything but watch you die.”
“But Ao’nung, I’m right here. I’m right here, you haven’t lost me, not yet.”
He let out a sad chuckle mixed into a sniffle. “Yeah.. you are right here.”
Softly you kissed his cheeks were his tears stained his skin. Ao’nung indulged in your presence, calming himself down as he felt your touch.
“I’ll never leave you Ao’nung, I promise.”
──── ⑅*❀*⑅ ────
authors note: hope you enjoyed! this one was rlly angsty. (also that photo of ao'nung is feral)
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rosepascal · 1 year
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Put On a Brave Face | Joel Miller x Reader
summary: Joel Miller almost loses you the same way he lost his baby girl.
warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, blood/gore, standard tlou stuff, reader gets shot, graphic descriptions, kinda softer!Joel so a little OOC
a/n: I got this idea and honestly idk if i like it that much but im posting this anyways. Also this is for the besties who would be absolute crybabies if they got shot bc that is 100% me lmao. I get a papercut and im in tears fr.
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The universe must really hate Joel Miller. For all the shit it’s put him through, it just has to add more. It’s not his fault, something that you really really hope he understands. He heard the gun fire but it sounded like white noise. He didn’t feel any pain so he knew it didn’t hit him.
A blur of gun fire and the men around him are dead. Jackson was mostly a safe place but lately there’s been a gang of people who were attempting to infiltrate the commune.
They were easy work for Joel, he wasn’t thrilled that you tagged along on patrol but he trusted you and if he had to have someone he’d pick you to watch his back.
If only he paid a little more attention.
It was like a punch straight to the gut. You felt a sudden pressure as you shot at the bandits. You were too busy focusing on keeping Joel safe to notice you had been hit by a stray. When the chaos stopped is when the pain set in.
Everything feels fuzzy. Like something ain’t quite right. And everything was hot. It’s the middle of winter but it feels like your whole body’s on fucking fire. An ache starts to burn in your stomach, you set your hand on it without thinking. Only to be met with a red stained hand.
“J-Joel?” His world stops.
Panic claws at his heart as it beats louder and louder in his ears. He turns around to face you. Sweat runs down your face, a small smile on your lips as you try and stay calm for both your sakes. His eyes fall to your stomach and that's when he sees it.
One of the bullets from their gun went clean through you. The blood, there’s already so much of it.
“Joel.” You whimper as you fall to the ground. Staying upright becomes the least of your worries as it becomes harder to breathe.
You’ve lived through twenty years of this shit and yet this is the first time you have ever been shot. Those who survived always said it’s either nothing or the worst pain in the world. Joel’s been shot before.
You were there once. The bullet went into his arm and it was awful trying to get it out. He was strong as hell though. Kept his calm and walked it off a few days later.
You always admired how strong Joel was. Not just in the physical sense but he always seemed to be calm even in the worst situations. Maybe it was all a show. But right now you wished you could do the same.
You wish that you could look up at him and tell him you were okay and crack a joke but you can’t. It hurts so bad, it’s burning and pain is tearing through your whole body.
“I got you baby.” Joel falls next to you. He tosses his gun to the side and wraps you in his arms. One hand under your back to try and get you upright.
“It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” He wants to puke. A sob crawling its way up his throat.
“It hurts!” You cry, clawing at his shirt. Fingers digging into the soft fabric of his flannel.
“Joel!” It breaks his damn heart to hear you cry out in such pain.
“I know, fuck I know baby.” Jackson isn’t far and right now it’s your only hope.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbles as he stands you up and irritates your wound. Your scream makes him flinch. It’s raw and full of fear and so much pain.
Why couldn’t it be him? Why did it have to be you?
“Please, please I don’t want to die Joel.” The words tumble out of your mouth without thinking.
“Please please.” You bury your face into Joel's chest as he half drags and half carries you to the gates of Jackson.
“I don’t want to die!” You wail loudly and Joel tightens his grip on you. It’s pure agony. Every minor step or bump sends waves of pain through you.
“You’re okay, we’re so close, baby, just a few more steps.” Joel closes his eyes as you cry out for him.
It’s a sickening sense of deja vu. Bleeding out in his arms by a bullet he didn’t see. He needs to focus. It feels cruel but he has to zone out. The gates are so close and that’s all that matters.
“Help!” Joel screams till his throat is raw as he gets closer. The gates open too damn slow as someone rushes out to help. Together they bring you inside the walls and rush you to the doctor.
“What the fuck happened?” Joel tenses up when he sees Ellie running towards him. A panicked look on her face. Worry written all over her face when she sees you being carried in.
“Joel?!” She tries to run in but Joel grabs her arms.
“Stay outside.” He commands, not wanting Ellie to witness you in such a bad state.
“Fuck no!” She tries to push past him but he’s stronger than her. Your pained scream makes Ellie stop fighting, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Don’t worry.” he says unconvincingly as he turns and runs into the room. You’re lying on a table, your shirt already torn so they have access to clean the wound. Joel rushes to your side and grabs your hand.
“I’m here baby.” He brings your hand to his lips and lets you squeeze it tight. The medic opens a bottle and looks at Joel before pouring some of it onto your stomach.
“FUCK!” You seethe and try to squirm away but someone holds you to the table.
“Make it stop! Please!” Sobbing, you squeeze Joel's hand as tight as you can.
“Joel please! It hurts so bad!” Your vision is blurred by the tears and the tiredness that your body feels right now but you can still make him out.
You can’t leave him, you can’t die. It hurts more than the bullet did as they start to patch you up. Spots of black cover your vision and you start to cry more, you just want Joel to hold you and make it better. Your eyes flutter closed and you feel a hand tapping harshly on your cheek.
“Stay with me baby, come on.” Joel opens your eyes and in pure panic snaps at the medic.
“DO SOMETHING!” Joel is an intimidating force but right now he’s utterly helpless.
“We’re doing everything we can.” The medic says calmly. Keeping your eyes open becomes too hard, you just want to sleep.
“No no, come on. Wake up!” His voice fading out as darkness and peace consumes you. 
- - -
Two centimeters. According to the medic you were two centimeters away from dying. The bullet entered and nearly missed a major artery. If it had hit you there then you would have been dead in minutes.
You’re lucky to be alive.
It doesn’t feel lucky. It feels like shit. You’re stuck at home while on recovery and with Joel as your caretaker that meant you couldn’t even leave. After the doctor left he took one look at you and you know there’s no argument here.
When you woke up Joel was there. He wouldn’t tell you much. Just that you were shot and that you were okay. He doesn’t think you remember much of anything after the bullet hit. But you do. Somehow you remembered everything up until you passed out and all you could feel now is guilt.
You wished you were stronger. That you didn’t scream and cry for him to help you even though you know he couldn’t. There’s nothing he could have done and you made it worse. You weren’t in the right headspace but it felt cruel to beg for him to save you after everything.
After...Sarah. He doesn’t talk about much. He opened up to you once in the middle of a sleepless night. You don’t know every detail but from what he told you, you put a few pieces together.
Shot by a soldier with a bullet that should have hit him instead.
A situation that felt too similar to this one. How could you do that to him? How could you look him in the eyes after all of this? Being in recovery meant you couldn’t do your chores so Joel took them. Great, first you remind him of his dead daughter and now you’re making him work even more. At least Ellie was here. She rarely left your side. 
“A book just fell on my head, I only have my shelf to blame.” Ellie looks up from her pun book with a smile. It’s just after dinner and Joel still isn’t home. So she has taken it upon herself to be your entertainment.
“That's four outta ten.” You say and she rolls her eyes.
“No way that one was funny.” She flips the page and reads another one.
“Okay okay, you wanna hear a joke about pizza?” Resting your face on your hand you nod.
“Sure.”
“Nevermind, it was too cheesy.” You snort and she laughs.
“Alright, that one is pretty good.” She punches the air in success. You notice her eyes keep darting down to your side where the bandages are.
“You know Maria told me about the school sleepover, bunch of kids your age are going.” You say and Ellie shrugs. It makes you feel guilty that Ellie’s here and not out with people her own age.
“I don’t know, not really my thing.” She’s lying. You know she is. That girl she’s grown quite close to will be there and you don’t want to stand in the way.
“I’ll be okay Ellie, I want you to go and have some fun.” She looks hesitant but after a little bit of pushing she caves. Hugging you tight before leaving.
Sighing you try and get comfortable on the couch and wait for Joel. He comes back late. You must have fallen asleep because next thing you know you’re being shaken awake. Joel's tired eyes stare at you, only meeting them for a second before looking somewhere else.
“Where’s Ellie?” He asks.
“Sleepover.” You answer sleepily.
“You shouldn’t be sleepin’ on the couch. It’s not good for you.” You hold back a laugh as you recall the many times you’ve found Joel passed out on the couch. You try to sit up but you move too fast. Squeezing your eyes shut as you feel a sharp pain in your stomach.
“Careful,” He places a hand on your back to steady you. Silently he guides you upstairs to bed. He’s given up the extra pillow and blanket to make you as comfortable as possible.
“Coming to bed?” You ask hopefully as he helps you in. He shakes his head and your face falls.
“I will soon.” He kisses your forehead before turning out the light.
He hasn't slept easy since the incident. He knows you’re alive. In his brain he sees you breathing and talking but sometimes when he closes his eyes he can only see you lying on that table.
He comes to bed a few hours later. Being as quiet as he can so he doesn’t wake you, but you aren’t asleep. The guilt has been eating you alive for days now. You put him through so much and now you feel like dead weight. He’s pulling away to protect his heart and it’s killing you. You know he’s asleep when he starts to snore. He swears he doesn’t but he does.
Carefully you throw the blankets off, resting the extra one back on him. The floor underneath creaks with every step. Sleep isn’t coming and you need a drink. Opening the cabinets you see the bottle of whiskey all the way in the back of the top shelf.
“Dammit Joel.” You huff as you blindly reach to the back.
It’s just out of reach and you feel anger start to seep in. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a glass of whiskey. You should be able to do this without anyone's help. Pain starts to blossom in your stomach as you put one knee on top of the counter and stretch the stitches. When you finally wrap your fingers around the neck of the bottle you feel your foot slip.
Glass shatters on the ground around you as you land hard on your back. You let out a whimper of pain as you sit upright and look at what you’ve done. Shards of glass surround you and the amber liquid pools on the floor. Heavy footsteps come running down the hall. Joel looks frantic as he holds his gun out, looking around for intruders. When his eyes land on you, you look down in shame.
“What the hell happened?” His voice booms and you feel like crying.
“I-I’m so sorry. I just. I thought I could..” Without thinking you reach to clean the glass.
“Stop!” He kneels down and grabs your hands before they can touch the glass. He doesn’t say a word as he cleans the shards of glass. You could feel how angry he was.
“Wanna tell me what was so important?” He crosses his arms and stares down at you.
It’s like you're a little kid being scolded for stealing a cookie. You feel angry and sad and so guilty and your stomach really hurts. Digging your nails into your knees you start to cry. Small sniffles snowball into sobs that make your whole body shake.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” It’s all you can say as you bury your face into your hands.
“Baby..” Joel’s voice is softer than you’ve ever heard it. He falls to his knees and wraps his arms around you. Tears shining in his eyes as he feels you tremble in his touch.
“I-I’m so sorry.”
“Shh, what are you sorry about?” He rubs your back and closes his eyes.
“I remember everything Joel, W-When I got shot. Fuck the things I said.” You bury your face into his chest as a fresh wave of tears fall. They just won’t stop.
“What are you talkin’ about?” He gently pushes you back so he can see your face. Wiping those tears from your cheeks.
“I shouldn’t have..I made it so much worse.” He’s confused. Really confused.
“Baby, There’s nothing to be sorry for,” He runs his thumb across your bottom lip, heart cracking as he looks into your broken eyes.
“I begged you to save me when there was nothing you could do.” He grimaces at the memory of your painful cries, but you were dying and you were scared. He could never hold that against you.
"I wanted to be strong for you but I couldn’t a-and I hurt you." You rip his hands off of you and curl into a ball.
“It's not your fault baby. None of it.” He rests his hands on top of your knees. It baffles him that you think any of this is your fault.
“You were in so much pain. " His voice cracks slightly and it gets you to lift your head.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you baby.”
“Joel…” You start but he silences you.
You never should have been in that position in the first place but it's not about him right now. He gently pulls you into his lap, hugging you tightly. He closes his eyes, feeling your heartbeat.
“I shoulda noticed sooner. I..." He stops himself from going down that path.
"You’re so strong baby. You fought like hell and didn’t give up.” You don’t say anything. The guilt is still there but it won’t go away anytime soon.
You’re living in a fucked up world and you’re just two fucked up people trying to survive. And somehow you survived.
“Can we go back to bed?” You ask softly, tired from the crying.
There's more to say but its too late now. Tomorrow Joel will tell you over and over that it's not your fault. He'll tell you every damn day until you believe him. He’ll pray for your forgiveness for putting you in danger, for letting you get hurt and you’ll read him like a damn book and tell him it’s ridiculous. Maybe then you’ll both realize their’s not guilt to be had on either side.
Watching you bleed out on that table, it really did remind him of the day he lost Sarah. That fear and pain never really goes away but right now he can hold you in his arms and feel your heart. He can see your eyes and hear your voice. That’s all he needs right now. He’s not going to lose you. Ever.
So god help anything that stands in his way.
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oniikabuto · 1 year
Note
hi i hope this doesnt seem annoying bc i have never requested anything from ppl IDK it makes me anxious 😭 but ur one bed for sp was so cute i adore ur writing !!! do u think u could do it for craigs gang + butters?
one bed! part 2
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-- sfw --
part one (main 4 boys)
characters: butters stotch, craig tucker, tweek tweak, tolkien black, jimmy valmer, clyde donovan
a/n: you arent annoying at all dws!! ty for being my first request this is monumental. oh and i wasnt sure if tweek counted as part of craigs gang or not but i adore him so i made one for him. also thank you!!!!!! ;; also jimmy is so underrated i love him so much mwagh
notes: i cant write clyde for shit idk he has no personaluty sorry i love him though; same character dynamic as part 1 (mutual pining, character has a crush on the reader)
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— ⛧ b. stotch
complains that it's past his bedtime, but gives in because he wants to spend time with you.
"it's past nine already!"
"well.. yeah. it isn't that late, butters."
"but i always sleep at nine!"
but he'll sit through movies with you anyways because he has a fat crush on you.
except when the end credits start rolling, you look over at butters and he's curled up in a ball, snoring.
you don't have the heart to wake him up, so you quietly shut your laptop and move it off your bed.
he'll probably get in trouble for not coming home at all, but his parents trust you enough. you can probably talk them out of grounding him tomorrow morning.
"butters", you whisper. "leo, you gotta move."
he rolls over, half-asleep and dazed. "huh..?"
"you're staying with me tonight. scoot over."
"o-oh, jeez, okay", he blushes when he feels the warmth of you next to him.
"night, butters."
he's probably praying he doesnt wet the bed he would actually die
murmurs in his sleep and talks about nonsense
drools like a puppy
probably goes mimimimimi like in the cartoons /j
you will wake up with his arm around you. if you move it, he'll find his way back again in his sleep
looks like a baby when he sleeps its so funny you cant help but take photos

— ⛧ c. tucker
you turn around to tell him it's getting late and ask if he needs a ride home
and he's dead asleep. on the floor. textbook over his lap. snoring very softly.
like no wonder it's been so quiet... as you were doing your homework, craig was asleep on your floor.
you felt so bad having to wake him up to move him to your bed
"craig, i'm so sorry. i got distracted, i didn't mean to-"
"it's fine. just let me sleep in the corner. i like your plushies", he yawns.
so he sleeps in the corner against the wall, and you sleep on the outside to make sure he doesn't roll right off the bed.
if you weren't there, he definitely would have bc when you wake up, he's smushed into you.
how can he breathe???
he also violently gnashes his teeth and it's very startling (my brother did that as a kid and i would almost pee myself in fear)
and he'll randomly put his hand somewhere like your face?????? the way he does it is so funny because it always seems like he's wide awake but you look over and he's mouth breathing and sound asleep
yeah he's a mouth breather
it's okay he's a cutie

— ⛧ t. tweak
passes the fuck out from coffee. like CRASHES
"yeah and then i was telling kyle about how- tweek, you okay?"
"tired....... can i go.....mmfjkg"
like at a certain point past 1am he just turns into a dead slug
poor thing
you just send him up to your bedroom and get him a change of clothes so that he doesn't have to sleep in a button-up
except by the time you get up to your room, he's dead asleep.
you don't bother trying to wake him up, since you've never seen him sleep so peacefully.
he's curled up on his side, face buried in your plushies.
you scoot in next to him, so close that you can smell the milky coffee lingering in his hair.
it's kinda nice
in the middle of the night you wake up to a really strange noise.
it's tweek
he's doing this weird clicky thing with his tongue in his mouth in his sleep
like. okay?????? you go back to sleep
and then he flings his whole arm over and WHACKS you hard in the face
"TWEEK??"
"nhg..,"
he just randomly jerks in his sleep, wakes up for a second and falls back asleep
it's very startling
sometimes you have to hold him down with your arms
he loves it

— ⛧ t. black
actually a super chill guy to sleep with
he's enjoyable to have over
you'll both be studying for midterm exams next week, and he yawns
"it's like. ten. do you just wanna spend the night here?"
"is that, uh- is that okay with you?"
"yeah, my room's upstairs. i'll meet you up there in a sec"
he'll text his mom that he's spending the night because he's actually responsible
gets a little embarassed to sleep in your bed
but a win is a win
gets a LOT embarassed when you get in bed with him
falls asleep pretty fast actually
he's a relatively normal sleeper
spends like 30 minutes in the bathroom washing his face and stuff before he goes to bed
"do you have cleanser?"
sleeps like a rock
except for when he randomly talks
like TALKS. clear as day
scares you shitless
"y/n."
'tolkien??? are you up still??"
"why would you do that."
"do what??"
"grape juice"
and then he'd roll over and go back to sleep
does not remember any of his nighttime conversations in the morning
"i said that? are you sure?"

— ⛧ j. valmer
fell asleep on your couch in the middle of a horror movie
to your dismay
because when you turned away from the screen and grab at him in fear, he's SNORING. his ass is SNORING as the clown violently murders the main character.
"jimmy!"
"what?"
you just make a jokingly-angry face at him.
"it's late. can't i ju-just stay h-h-here?"
"well- i mean, sure, but you can't just sleep on the couch, dude. come up to my room, i'll show you."
"re-really?"
grins ear to ear
hes so down bad for you
almost implodes when you lean his crutches against the door and make sure they won't fall
DOES implode when you get in next to him
he smells like dish soap but in a good way
like citrus
you tell him so, and to that he makes a stupid "orange-you happy i'm here" joke
"jimmy, go to sleep."
"f-fine."
makes sure he's got the elastics for his braces in
in the middle of the night he'll whisper your name
"y/n r u still up"
"yeah what"
"i just thought of something really funny"
it gets old so fast but it's okay he's cute

— ⛧ c. donovan
crashes at 8pm after insisting he can pull an all-nighter
refuses to get up unless you drag him by his ankles
and even then he'll lay on the floor like a dead fish
so you just let him stay
meticulously brushes his hair sideways with wet fingers to make sure he doesn't wake up with a bedhead in front of you
he does anyway.
you walk up behind him as he moves his hair "whatcha doin?"
he jumps THREE FEET and whirls around
"nothing!" as if he's hiding a government secret or sum
once you guys r in bed he stops acting all tough and cool and just freaks out
his back will be turned but he's beet red
breathes really loudly when he falls asleep
and sleeps in ATROCIOUS positions
you'll wake up with his foot on your chest and the blanket flipped upside down
someone needs to belt this boy down to the bed or something
he's really a cute sleeper though
sometimes you wake up and see him face-down in a pillow and move him over to make sure he doesn't like. suffocate
and then he wakes up to you on top of him with no context
"....y/n?"

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mandowifey · 1 year
Note
MKAY SO WE ALL KNOW ABT AL'S CHEST RIGHT??? Idk why but it looks so smooth-
Anyways how would it go if the reader just straight on tells him that she's obsessed with his man tits?
Anon. This made me ugly laugh at 11 at night. Thank you for this.
○ ○ ○
Fancy You.
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Albert Shaw/The Grabber x Fem!Reader
Warnings: General Dead Dove, you're kidnapped by a lunatic, Stockholm Syndrome, Implied NonCon, NSFW content.
(This was not proofed.)
• • •
Time crawled to a halt in this place.
You weren't sure if it was weeks, maybe months since your abduction. When you started scratching lines into the cement walls, you had lost track of the hours that passed. Oftentimes, you couldn't recall if you already marked a day, which meant your count could be wrong or missing altogether. Right now, you stood at 27.
'This place' was a basement. You had taken to thinking of it like your coffin. It was a cold, dark, all-encompassing tomb, which you and many more would die within. Sometimes, you wondered how many before you left their own scratches on the wall. There was no evidence of others, which roused concerns that none of them lasted long enough to count their days. You considered if you were his first, or perhaps his last. Neither option felt palpable.
He collected you around the evening, as usual. Punishment this time had felt less brutal and more sensual, as the welts from his belt bloomed on the flesh of your ass and thighs instead of your back and arms. Hand prints marred your throat and wrists as reminders of your place here. Somewhere between your legs resides something sticky and warm. As you wade through the fog in your mind, you return to consciousness as your captor rocks against you.
'Good girl, m-my good girl.'
A brush of silicone against your throat made your head drop back. Large hands palmed your hips, guiding your flacid body into his. Gasps came quick and muffled behind his mask as he ruts against you, the drag of his girth leaving streaks of precum on your thighs. Each jerk of his body loosened a couple more of your mental screws. Maybe you didn't hate this at all. Maybe you'd always wanted to feel needed.
The man groans something low and guttural in your ear, his fingers bruising your hips as heat spills over your soft thighs. Revulsion fills your stomach like acid, but you can not bring yourself to shed another tear. As his grip loosens, he begins to move you off of his lap and have you stand. He liked to look at you, bloody and broken while covered in his cum. To him, you were a masterpiece meant to admire.
"Look at you," His voice is soft in stark comparison to the brutality in which he took you. "My perfect little dove."
The kitchen floor is cold on your feet, and you feel something in your chest. Perfect, you think, his.
Maybe...
"I like your chest," you say suddenly. Time grinds to a stop, and you are hardly breathing. "It's smooth, nice to look at." Who was this speaking for you? Or perhaps this voice had been there all along, waiting for its chance. The fog in your brain makes you lethargic. Your head felt weighted as it rolled in his direction, your eyes on the sockets of that devilish mask. He was frozen in place, watching you.
Standing up, the man you only knew as Mister towers over you and breathes hard. Fingers cup your chin and pull your face up to look at him. It was difficult to keep your eyes open as consciousness rattled around in your head like loose stones. At this distance, you can see the glean of those predatorial blue eyes.
"What else?"
You blink and try to focus your attention.
"What else?" He says again, his large hand encompassing your jaw in a painful squeeze.
At a loss, you gawk up at him and frantically try to discern what you're being asked. He moves you backward by your jaw until you touch the counter. You gasped as you're lifted by the hips and placed on the edge, legs forced apart so he could slot between them. Slowly, you start to understand. He must not ever receive compliments, certainly not from his victims. You had caught him off guard and thrilled him. You could tell by the way he was already hard again.
The man drags the weeping tip of his cock along your crease and pulls another noise from your throat. As he angles to drive inside of you, he brings that large hand to your throat and presses into the flesh.
"What else do you like about me, kiddo?"
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junipers-archive · 1 year
Note
hi hi hi:))) i’ve never made a request before but i desperately need a one-shot of emily and derek being besties at work and messing around with spence. just teasing him and talking abt life idk something to warm my heart🫶
Heyy and its no problem at all but hope you don't mind I made this a blurb because I'm not taking one-shot requests right now!! <3
❥ You overhear the team teasing Spence about his crush on you over the phone
You'd opted to stay home today, having not been feeling very well and gotten it cleared with Hotch. Cases were slow this week and it was no harm.
However you'd also forgotten to inform Spencer, he had called you this morning wanting to know if you were alright, needed anything and all the other basic Spencer doting questions. When your conversation was over he'd hung up, or he assumed he hung up and put his phone back in his pocket.
The truth of the matter was he'd missed the hang up button.
You thought it'd be funny to listen in on his interactions with your co-workers, maybe even get some gossip that wasn't exactly meant for your ears.
He was leaning against the counter in the kitchen, drinking his coffee as he greeted Emily. "Morning." His voice was groggy and you could tell he hadn't gotten enough sleep last night.
"What?? Is this a boy genius without his Y/n??" she was sitting at the table, picking at the muffin in front of her.
"W-Whatdoyou mean?" He tried not to show his excitement that people assumed you were his.
"She means that now that L/n isn't here you might not be in the best shape." It was Derek, you could tell by the hint of charisma in his voice that he was grinning.
"I-I can function without y/n!" He was blushing now, as Emily and Derek side-eyed one another, responding to him by scrunching their eyebrows and nodding sarcastically.
You on the other hand were elated, you loved they assumed you were his, you'd had a crush on him since you joined the team.
Derek now walked over to him, putting a rough hand on his shoulder, "Pretty boy can you ask her out already? Cause the googley eyes we have to put up with on the daily is getting repetitive.”
Emily almost spits out her coffee as Spencer begins to malfunction, but she finds breath to add on her own, "Don't get me started on when I had to walk around with you two lovebirds on the last case! It was like I was the side character in your romcom."
You can her them both crack up over her joke, teasing Spencer all the more about his crush.
After they've collected themselves he asks, "D-Do you think she likes me back?"
They collectively groan at his question, Derek like the big brother he is to Spence speaks up first, "Of course she does man, that girl would follow you to ends of the earth. And that's a long way considering you probably know exactly-"
"Twenty four million, nine hundred and one thousand point four hundred and sixty one miles." He cuts in dutifully expressing once more how many absurd facts he knows.
Emily tries to reassure him as Derek shakes his head, "Just ask her, I know Y/n and she would say yes to a date with you!”
And yes oh yes you think, you would say yes twenty four million, nine hundred and one thousand times if it meant you'd get a date with Spencer.
Sadly he sits down before you get your assurance that he'd be doing so. Effectively hanging up on accident, leaving you wondering if he'd get the nerve before you die of this cold.
But you text him anyway asking him to come over, if he didn't ask soon you guessed you'd just have to do it yourself.
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swiftispunk · 9 months
Text
folklore - a collection of joel miller stories
peace
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folklore series masterlist
pairing: joel miller x gn!reader rating: 18+ minors dni word count: ~2k warnings etc: angst and fluff, discussions of death and dying, discussions of sex but nothing too explicit, age difference implied but not specified (joel is older than you but the number of years is not relevant), established relationship. NO USE OF Y/N.
summary: jackson era, post-tlou. you and joel discuss what it means to die.
A/N: this was something i had rattling around in my brain for a while. sorry. i would call this a.........far more loose interpretation of the song, but idk this is just what came to me when i heard it - besides wanting to point at the lyrics and scream, "look it's joel" lmao as always, a reminder to read the other works in this anthology by the talented crew: @tieronecrush, @beskarandblasters, @jksprincess10 and @pr0ximamidnight
"Do you ever think about how it doesn't matter if we die anymore?"
Joel glances down at you with mild shock, brows knitted together in confusion.
"Start over," he says, his usual banner whenever he's struggling to keep up with whatever train of thought you've hopped on to without warning. Your mind often works too quickly, intrusive thoughts moving in faster than Joel can trace their source.
He's rightfully confused, you think, considering he'd just finished making you his own three perfect times, your naked bodies still sticky with sweat where you're connected at the hip. Afternoon sunshine streams across your bedroom, dancing off your bare skin, flecks of dust dancing in its hazy glow.
You twirl his thick fingers in yours and sit back into his chest.
"When I was little, before the outbreak, I went to my grandmother's funeral," you muse lightly. "I don't really remember her. But I remember her funeral. All these people came. Friends and family and people who loved her. Her death...I guess meant something to them."
The arm he has around your shoulder squeezes you in tighter but he doesn't speak. Just stares down at you with sympathy in his eyes. Maybe he thinks it makes you sad to talk about, but it doesn't. The memory belongs to someone else, a different person. A different life.
"I just can't stop thinking about how when I die...who's gonna come? Who's gonna care? Everyone's already dead so it won't be special at all."
"Does it need to be special?" Joel asks.
"I'd like to feel special," you admit.
"You're special to me."
His other arm loops around you then and he pulls you into a solid embrace. You sigh into him, breathing in his scent and hooking your legs over one of his.
"Well, at least you'll care when I die, then."
At that, Joel stiffens and when he next speaks, he does so through gritted teeth.
"I'll be long dead before you go, sweetheart."
"You don't know that," you argue.
"I damn well better be," he bites back sternly.
You chance a glance up at him to find his mouth turned down in a hard line, brows set into a familiar disapproving crease.
"I hope not."
Joel sighs.
"I do. S'how it should be." His eyes slip closed and he leans back into the headboard.
"Just 'cause you're older?" you press him.
"That," he nods. "And 'cause I'm pretty sure I don't know how the hell to live without you."
He says it matter-of-factly, with his eyes still shut tight. You notice the twitch in his jaw and the tight purse of his lips though - quiet hints that he means it. Still, something about the implication makes your skin burn with momentary ire.
"You think I know how to live without you?" you contend, sitting up and dislodging yourself from his constricting grasp. Joel's eyes peek open and he crosses his arms over his chest.
"You're tough enough t'handle it," he insists simply, closing his eyes again as though the thought of his own mortality is nothing to get worked up about.
"And you're not?"
Joel actually smirks, just the tiniest pull of his lips upward, otherwise totally stoic when he replies,
"Hell no."
You sigh, doing your best to let his nonchalance wash over you, basking in the rather morbid truth of his confession. Joel doesn't know how to live without you. Your heart swells at the sentiment. Of course, you feel the same way, but you have to admit, after all he's been through and all he's lost, that maybe he's right. Maybe you'd stand a better chance at it than he would.
Not that you're any stranger to death yourself, the two of you as friendly of bedfellows as the man you're sitting beside now but...you think you could survive. Not happily perhaps, but you could survive.
You settle back into his side and feel him unfurl his arms to pull you back into him. It's quiet for a moment as your steady, harmonized breaths ease the heaviness of your conversation.
"Can I hold a funeral for you?" you whisper eventually.
A beat, as Joel once again catches up with your line of thinking and then -
"F'you want," he shrugs. You hum lightly, imagining it. You're surprised to find the thought makes you smile; celebrating Joel's life, something you've come to hold with such regard. How it would feel to share that. To remember him.
"Nothing crazy," you ponder. "Something intimate."
"Think that's a given, sweetheart," he says sardonically.
"Don't say that. I bet lots of people would come."
"Yeah, right."
His eyes are still closed, but you imagine if they were open, he'd be rolling them.
"It's true," you tell him. "Still, just family is better, maybe. Tommy, Maria. Ellie. Don't you think?"
Joel hums, nodding evenly. He looks so at peace.
"Funerals're all just for show, anyways," he breathes.
Your chest pangs as a new thought comes to you.
"Would it be okay if I spoke?" you ask.
"At my funeral?"
"Yeah."
Joel just chuckles, not seeming to hear the emotion bubbling under your words. "Won't exactly be around to stop ya."
"Joel," you say firmly then, gazing up at him until he opens his eyes to meet yours. "I'm actually being serious."
He finally seems to clue in to your change in tone. He sighs, gently cupping your face and stroking one of his calloused thumbpads across your cheekbone.
"Sorry, darlin', yeah. 'Course you can speak." He grins then, lop-sided and self-effacing. "Not sure what ya'd say, though."
"Hmmm," you think out loud, letting seriousness go for a moment as you smirk and run your fingers over his soft belly. "I'd say...Joel was the best sex I ever had."
The roll of his eyes is practically audible.
"Shut up," he grumbles.
Your smile widens. It's easier to talk about it this way, to joke instead. And it's always fun to pester Joel with praise.
"He always made me come so hard - and even though he was the most impatient man in the whole wide world, he always took his time when he was going down on me."
"Seriously, shut up now."
"He also had the biggest co - "
"Alright," he grunts before yanking you around to situate your body underneath his, pinning your arms above your head and silencing you with a bruising kiss. Pretty lithe, for him, you think. Damn.
"You done?" he asks after a moment, when your head is spinning and he's swallowed every last one of your stunned giggles.
"Yes," you concede but he doesn't free your arms, his grip on your wrists unrelenting.
"How come I don't believe you?"
"Okay, fine. Not done. Don't you wanna hear what I'd actually say?"
Joel groans, ducking forward to nip at your earlobe.
"No," he grumbles humidly into the crook of your neck.
"It was gonna be really nice," you pout, threading your fingers through his salt-and-pepper curls.
"Don't see how that's possible," he smirks as he plants a toothy kiss under your jaw and finally releases one of your wrists to trail a hand over your chest distractingly.
Your breath stutters when his fingers graze your nipples, sending goosebumps down your arms and shivers up your spine.
"Ugh, yeah, you're right, I take it all back," you groan breathlessly when he drags his lips lower to lick lightly at one of the pebbled nubs. "You're mean."
Joel just hums menacingly, raking his fingers down, down, down over your stomach to rest on your hip.
You use the brief pause to take the upper hand, swinging your free arm up to push him off you, down into the mattress, quickly straddling him and clumsily holding him in place with two hands on his broad shoulders.
"Sneaky," he grants you derisively.
"Will you shut up and let me eulogize you now?"
Joel sighs - a recognizable sound of defeat, and accepts his fate. He softens beneath you, slackening his arms at his sides and raising his eyebrows - waiting.
"Go on."
You smirk triumphantly and sit back on his thighs.
"Joel Miller was..." you begin, then stop, staring down at him and assessing his expectant face, trying to think of what to say next.
You hadn't actually thought this far ahead. Like, right this second or in general - you try not to think about Joel's death if you can help it. Today's the most you've ever talked about it, the closest you've ever come to acknowledging the reality that he probably will die before you. All lightness fades as you take a deep breath and trace your fingertips along his hairline.
"...so beautiful," you continue. Joel scoffs quietly but even he can hear the way your voice has changed from cutting to canonizing. You find yourself working to swallow back a sudden wave of emotion.
"He was an excellent father," you say tightly and any trace of a smile disappears as Joel "tsk"s quietly before pointedly clearing his throat. You watch him avert his gaze downward with a small shake of his head. Maybe you shouldn't have said it, but it's true.
"Not the best cook," you smile softly, attempting to ease some of the weightiness of your words, for his sake and yours. "And a little messy. Bit of a temper, but he was getting better." Joel's lips twitch but the smile doesn't quite touch his eyes. You take another breath and splay your hands out on his chest, a steadying ballast against him as you carry on, "He was loyal. He cared. And if he cared about you - whew - you never had to worry about a thing a day in your life. He was a good man to have in your corner. You were so lucky if he loved you."
Joel's face screws up, eyes tightening as his hands once again find your wrists and clutch tightly, stabilizing and solid.
"He took care of me," you say as unwitting wetness pricks at your eyes, throat constricting around a hot lump of ardency. So much for lightness. "And Ellie. He took care of everyone. And he never asked for anything in return, even though he deserved so much. To be loved...and protected...and..."
Salt cascades from your eyes before you can stop it and Joel pulls you down into him, crushing you into his chest and running a soothing palm over your back, up and down in long, gentle strokes. His hand finally settles on the back of your head, holding you in place against him.
"He was good," you sniff into his collarbone. "He was good."
"Shhh," Joel breathes against your shoulder, tightening his grip around you when your tears collide with his skin. "You can stop now, s'alright. That's all real nice, sweetheart. Little too nice. Gonna give people the wrong idea."
"No, it's all true," you protest, voice still thick with sadness.
"The cookin' part's true."
You share a breathy laugh but when you tilt your head upwards, you find his sweet, brown eyes are glassy too.
"I'm probably just going to cry through the whole thing anyway," you joke, drawing circles over his bicep with your fingertips, a tethering motion that seems to pull you off the ledge of overwhelming, anticipatory grief. "Just wasting your honour."
He rolls his eyes, quiet, "Honour," scoffed under his breath at the notion.
"What's so funny about that?"
He just shakes his head. "Nothin', baby. You wanna remember me as honourable? Go for it."
"Fine, I will. What are you gonna do about it?"
"Not a damn thing."
The sunlight fades and your room goes dark as clouds begin to take over the sky outside your window. It's not long after that pellets of rain begin to patter against the glass, a late-spring downpour cutting through the calm.
END.
lyrics that offered inspiration:
iIm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm, if your cascade ocean waves blues come
our coming of age has come and gone
it's just around the corner darling, 'cause it lives in me
all these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret
it's like I'm wasting your honour
family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother
I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best
but the rain is always gonna come, if you're standing with me
folkelore anthology taglist:
@wannab-urs @atinylittlepain @bearsbeetsbeskar @serenaxpedro @casa-boiardi @rav3n-pascal22 @dinsdjrn @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @johnwatsn @amanitacowboy @leeeesahhh @isitmelookin4u @javiscigarette @mrsyixingunicorn10 @sugarspiceanthrax @orphanbird95 @space-cowboy-like-me @tuquoquebrute @rsquared31 @morning-star-joy @canseethebrushstrokes @atremises @sstarboy777 @undrthelights @butiknewyoudlinger @dayrdreaming @disassociation-daydreams @joelsversion @ginger-swag-rapunzel @mydailyhyperfixations @diamndx mingiast @kdogreads @blxsphemy7 @marchai @littlevenicebitch69 @ghostofbrock @iwrotethissky @ladynightingale @sam-010902
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fadingsnow · 4 months
Note
i am frothing at the mouth i love your hotd content and only just found out you write for coriolanus now.
i love angst so this idea for young snow where she was previously in a relationship with festus or something but snow manipulates her into dating him instead (for the social position she has.) he starts to distance her from her friends like arachne and giving her excuses to why he’s spending so much time with lucy gray. reader is at the zoo talking to her tribute when arachne dies and is quite distraught. during the bombing he protects lucy gray and reader gets saved by ex boyfriend. idk how it would end but snow would probably just ghost her while he was in district 12
𓆙 new girl - CORIOLANUS SNOW x f! reader
summary and tw: the request, also i'm not sure why it posted before i added anything else! i think i accidently put it on the queue, divider credits : @cafekitsune 𓆙
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You huffed, picking at your food once again. All of this talk you had heard of Festus betraying you with.. Livia. You'd hear about it from Coriolanus, his eyes holding a pitiful look. Apparently, he had just wanted to let you know as Festus was parading his new girl around as if to mock you without your own knowledge. And you could feel your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach. Of course, there were rumours of his betrayal. But hearing it firsthand made it worse than anything you had thought.
Coriolanus had been there to help you. At first, you were suspicious. Who wouldn't be? I mean, you knew he was somewhat friends with Festus, but.. he was always somehow lingering wherever you went. But soon enough, you let him the little enclosed space you call your heart. He didn't judge you, and he helped you through everything. It wasn't much, but it was what you needed. So you took comfort in his presence.
Now that was before, but it was the 10th Hunger Games. Every person for themselves. That is what you told yourself at least, but you sometimes didn't believe yourself when you saw the rare grin accompanied on Coryo's face. The crease of his frown, or his smile. You didn't mind.
Soon, he became more and more.. possessive? You had to start calling off study dates with Arache, someone who Snow wasn't shy to tell you his displeasure of. You'd see how his lips pursed at times, how he clenched his fists whenever he felt he was losing control. How he glared daggers into people around him when he was upset. Sometimes, he would even throw fits. You weren't sure where it came from. Maybe it was the stress of the situation. Or maybe it was just an overreaction. You couldn't really place.
And then.. Arachne dies. You had been talking to your tribute, a small girl named Wovey. You knew she was sure to die, but you could make her last few days memorable.
"Eat the foo -" Your words stopped right in its track when you saw something happen in front of your eyes. Arachne's tribute had.. hurt her throat, to say the least. You were about to run over to her before you saw a familiar face going to help her. Strangely taking you away from the severity of the situation, you were enamoured by Coryo again.
But for some time after, your mind couldn't function right. Arachne was gone. No one was going to ever talk to you for hours and hours over nonsensical stuff and giggle over it. Why did you listen to Coryo and stay away from her for so long? She haunted you everywhere you went, her scent, her favourite foods to eat at the Academy. Coryo was somewhat sufficient on supporting you. You were there when he sang at her funeral. You could only bring yourself to not let tears fall from your eyes, being given a tight embrace by Coryo when he found you in the small gathering. You breathed in his clothes, your shakes of cries vibrating against his body. He soothed you, running his fingers up and down your shoulders.
His voice was low when he spoke to you that night, his breath fanning across your cheek. "I can't lose you too," he whispered before pulling back to look at you. When you met his gaze, all you could do was stare into his eyes and nod numbly. That day, you weren't sure if he was really referring to his past or you.
He held you tightly for so long.
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Days go by, but it's always Lucy Gray. Lucy Gray is the wedge in your relationship. She always has to be there when you haven't even met the girl personally.
You grabbed his hand, intertwining yours, "Can you not see it? Day and night, Lucy Gray plagues your mind! She is like a bird perched on MY porch that will never leave!" You breathed, speaking loud to get your words out.
"Lucy Gray is nothing but my tribute. She is what will help me win. We will win because of her. You will do well to remember that." He murmured harshly, taking his hand back.
"We? Since when was this a we situation?" You scoffed, holding your hand in your other now.
"Since I decided to care for you!" He yelled, his face seeming frantic after. He looked at you nervously before going to reach for you to comfort you.
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You looked around, someone was bombing the arena. Your hands shook as you tried to move around. You were done for, your whole life's work at the Academy. You knew you were never going to get your tribute to win the Hunger Games, but you still wanted a life after it. Wait- You had to go get Coryo-
You could barely think before rough arms collided against yours and pulled you away, you couldn't even look up to see who it was. You hoped it was Coriolanus.
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No, it wasn't. You looked up from the bed that was meant to hold you while you recover and saw Festus' face over you.
"How come you're not in the bed and I am?" You muttered, looking up at him.
His eyes widened slightly before composing himself and putting a hand on your arm softly, "It was a mistake, I'll see to it you won't get hurt anymore. You are no longer my responsibility."
You blinked owlishly up at him.
"Thank you, Festus. And just to let you know.. I am sorry for what happened."
His eyebrows furrowed before shaking his head. "Nevermind. Just focus on resting." He whispered before leaving you alone.
"May I ask one thing?"
"Sure."
"What happened to Coriolanus?"
"Oh, he went to save Lucy Gray. A bit brave, I suppose."
You in your anger had went to go find Coriolanus Snow. But when you looked for him, you found out he had been sent to District 12. Lucy Gray's district.
Weeks, weeks, weeks, and weeks, you had waited for a letter from Coryo. You didn't know a single thing that had happened to him, and he never told you.
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There was no way. You just saw Coriolanus Snow on the screen as the president.
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cherryredstars · 6 months
Note
HELLO BABE !!
just wanted to say CONGRATS ON 1K FOLLOWERS/CHERRYS
Umm I just wanted to request something hmm oh yea I saw an firefighter!Miguel
so firefighter!Miguel x bookworm!Reader (fem) miguel ohara age: 32,reader age :29
(reader appearance: wears big circles glasses and usual wear oversized shirts or hoodie,and baggy pants)
Where reader was reading one of the newest book she find interesting in the huge library she come almost everyday if not working,as she sitting down in her usual spot in the library,no ones knows who put the fire,or how the fire come inside the library,as she didn't notice the fire coming,if it wasn't for miguel saving her life (reader was the one last surviver),the only thing she saw was him,and how he voice helped her through the fire,even when she thought she was going to die,she woke up in an hospital bed,the nurses said that miguel Ohara was the one who saved her,and after that she at least wanted to give him something for saving him,at first he was rude and bit annoyed by her,and telling her to leave and that he was other things that more important,but that didn't stop the poor bookworm! Reader,she would come to the firefighter place a d give them sweets and others,but she could give miguel an special hand craft scarf for him with his logo,he just grabbed it and went to his firefighters dorm room ( i just learned that firefighters have their own dorm room like their own section for them),she was an happy that he becoming more open with her,little by little miguel becoming more comfortable with his little bookworm,enjoying when she speaks about the latest series of her favorite author,loving her voice when she reads him her favorite books to him,when he get the chance too,his close friend notice that this 6'9 gaint seem to be more eager to come to work,and if you looked at his eyes there an spark in his eyes,whenever he see you with that cheerful smile
IDK I wanted an fluff but AGAIN CONGRATS ON 1K and also I fine with waiting however you like for this one,this was just an thought lingering in my head,if you want you could put this into an fic 😅
ANYWAY HAVE AN GREAT DAY
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Pairing: Firefighter!Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader
Warnings: Fluff, Mentions of Fires and Hospitals
Summary: Food is a way to a man’s heart, they say. 
Word Count: 1.4K (Not Edited)
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They say it was caused by a sparking outlet. 
A collection of those hot sparks strong enough to catch on the worn down fibers of the carpet, traveling along the floor and building on the glossy wooden shelves and aged pages of paper. Pages and binding glue and wood charring and giving off heavy exhaust. Creating heat that felt like you were nearing the sun naked. The rundown building and its almost non-existent sprinkler system was no match for the roaring fire. 
You hadn’t seen it, too absorbed over the inked pages to notice the hazy cloud making its way to the back of the library. Your headphones playing soft tones just loud enough to block out the sound of panicked steps from the very few patrons studying in the late hours. It wasn’t until the smoke started to thicken, a sputtering cough leaving your lips. You had ignored the first few coughs, massaging your throat to try to soothe it of the sudden ache and dryness. Until it wouldn’t stop, a difficulty to breath started to build in your lungs as your arm came around your nose and mouth. 
The smoke had swirled menacingly above you, a sense of clueless panic embodying your frame as an orange glow started to burn your way. You had looked frantically for a way out, finding it almost impossible in the darkening smog. You were sure you were done for, tears building up in your eyes from either the smoke or your fear. You were on the verge of passing out, knees buckling when a strong arm had wrapped around you and picking up your body effortlessly. Your vision had started to blur and darken at the edges, finally giving in when the first burst of fresh air entered your lungs. 
When you had woken up at the hospital, you were glad to find you had only inhaled too much smoke. You were cleared quickly, discharged with a teasing warning to not get too lost in your books again and a small scolding about how lucky you were that the local fire department captain was there to save you. You had bashfully thanked them, already forming a plan in your head to pay back the brave firemen for saving you. 
You had showed up a few days later, nervously holding a tray of baked sweetness. A kind fireman had guided you inside, bringing you to the small department kitchen to place the tray down. The firemen had thanked you graciously for the sweets, making jokes that you should get caught up in fires more often if this was their thanks. You had laughed along kindly, getting swept up in conversation with some of the younger men until someone had called out the word captain. 
You had quickly looked over, seeing a tanned skin giant. He had a furrowed brow, his thick hair slightly messed up from his helmet. His eyes had instantly darkened when he had seen you start to approach. You had grown shy over his attention, muttering out a small thanks for rescuing you. His jaw had ticked then before going into rant about how irresponsible you were, how you should be more observant about your surroundings. A flaming flush had overcome your face as the rest of the crew had stopped their idle chatting at the sound of their chief’s booming voice. You had fidgeted nervously, pulling at the sleeves of your hoodie and resisting the urge to reach up and adjust your glasses as everyone watched you get chewed out. 
When he was done, you had meekly agreed and added in a softer tone that you had left some homemade treats in the little kitchenette for him and the rest of the crew. He had instantly felt bad, here he was (rightfully) repriming you like a five year old when all you wanted to do was give your thanks and give the underappreciated firefighters something good to lighten up their day. He didn’t get the chance to apologize when the firefighter who had brought you in gently guided you back out. Miguel had to stop himself from snapping at his second in command when he had passed by with a pat on the shoulder and a little ‘ try be a little nice to the public, yeah?’
He had gotten that chance the next week, when you had come over during lunch time. He had been in his office, looking up from his paperwork when hurried steps ran down the hall. He had been curious, thinking he might have missed an alarm. He had followed the excited recruits, finding himself in the kitchenette where you had stood at the table. You stood with a wide smile, making quick conversation as you dished out plates of lasagna. It was still steaming, and plate after plate found its way into your hands to be served some Italian heaven. Miguel’s stomach rumbled at the mouth watering aroma, hesitantly grabbing his own plate and following the lineup. When he had reached you, your smile dimmed a bit before returning. You had shyly filled his plate, earning a small thanks from him before he went to find a spot to enjoy his food. 
He had finally gotten his chance to apologize as you were beginning to pack up, stacking your now empty trays on top of each other and trying to not let them drop as you made your way to your car. Miguel was quick to follow after you, grabbing some of the trays for you and helping you place them in the trunk of your car. He had apologized for his behavior quietly under his breath, adding a thanks for the treats this week and last week. The smile you had given him made his heart skip slightly, standing there as your car drove away. 
From then on, it became routine. Every week you would come with something new to feed the large firefighters, befriending the city heroes with home cooked meals and sweets. Everytime Miguel heard the rush of footsteps outside his dorm or office, his head would perk up and he found himself discarding whatever he was doing to go to the kitchen. On lazy days after you finished serving out the food, Miguel would sit with you at the table. He would let you drone on about your day or a book you were reading as he filled out paperwork. Even with the work in front of him, he paid every ounce of attention towards you. He would pause when writing, looking up at you to watch the ways your eyes shined or you added emphasis to your words with your hands. He would ask small questions just to prove he was listening, and you would give him an animated response. 
His favorite visit by far was sometime during winter. You had come with jugs of hot chocolate, serving it out to everyone who looked at you like you were Santa Claus. Miguel watched from afar, liking to be the last to be served so he had you all to himself afterwards. You had a gentle smile on your face, asking the recruits how many marshmallows they wanted and if they wanted some peppermint. He was completely enamored by you, the other firemen taking notice of how he was already around the kitchen around the usual time you came each week. 
When he finally came up to you, you had given him a bright smile and served him his drink. The warmth that spread in his chest from the smooth liquid made him sigh out satisfied. He had stood with you, making quiet conversation as you finished loading the heavy jugs. As you were about to leave, you suddenly perked up. You excitedly go to the passenger seat of your car, a small bounce in your steps as you hide something behind your back.
“Close your eyes Migs.”
He instantly followed your soft command, his body sparking when your soft hands grabbed his own. Something soft and delicate is placed into his open palm and he closes his fist around it when you let go. He slowly opens his eyes, thumb rubbing against the soft knitting. His heart practically sings when he sees the scarf in his hold. It's the same color as his under uniform, the fire department logo stitched into one end. He gives it a soft squeeze before thanking you, wrapping his arms around your small frame. 
The rest of the day he had a bright aura around him, not even minding the teasing banter the recruits gave him as he slipped the scarf around his neck as they all prepared to go home. 
He simply turned to them with a small smile, shrugging off their chuckles with a: “You’re all just jealous that you don’t have a pretty thing making things for you.”
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Last request before the 1K Prompts!
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bronx-bomber87 · 16 days
Text
Hello amazing fandom :) I have been itching for this ep since the moment D sent me the ep description for it. I'm glad they didn't spoil much of this ep at all. I have a lot of feelings for this one so might be so mini LOL Off we go.
6x05 The Vow
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Oh my lord starting out hot with a romantic dinner and a kiss. Also want to talk about they both light up when they see each other. Like they're still in that honeymoon phase somewhat. They’re both so happy to see each other I wanna die. haha Lucy of course has to question the gift. Saying gift giving is not his love language. Damn they cute. Tim saying he is trying to change things up. I’m squeeing and we’re like less than a minute in everyone.
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Damnit he’s so romantic with what the gift is. It’s her radio from last week. Oh my word. Lucy is in awe of this man standing before her. Oh my goodness we get a second kiss I’m squeeing so hard. *screams into a pillow* A thank you kiss no less. Loving how he has his hand wrapped around her arm. Pulling her in close for both misses. You know I should've known this ep was going to hurt with getting two kisses within the span of 3 minutes and a cute ass moment to boot.
Like in a video game where they let you stumble upon a bunch of ammo right before a massive fight scene. You know shit is about to go down with them supplying you like that. How I felt with getting cuteness and two kisses right away. I am so excited Tamara has appeared. Wouldn’t be the return of her if she didn’t cock block them. Tim shaking his head too. Classic. Lucy telling her it’s ok. Also LOVING that they have a pre-planned date night. Be still my heart.
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Tim gets his cryptic ass phone call and immediately takes off. Lucy looks crushed for a couple reasons. First that he can’t stay. She was clearly looking forward to a night with her man all day. Second the fact he's so short with her. Breaking my heart 'Just wait.' Her Tim radar is going OFFFF Lucy looks SHOOK with his hasty departure. Her heart just walked out the door and it shows.
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Oh my word I knew It would be from his military past. The blind spot for the most part we have with his character. I was hoping it would be. The Tim fan girl in me is psyched af. I was thinking who is this Ray and why is Tim so spooked? Then we find out this dude killed their friends and there’s a promise.... Uhhhh the promise is to kill him? Uh Timothy, my love you are a cop….
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Oh Lucy is anxious af without him. Ugh she knows something is wrong immediately. Knows this man too damn well. Side tangent about to start. I know some people complained how long it took for them to get together blah blah. BUT I wasn’t. These moments right here are exactly why.
The fact that the very second he took that call she knew deep in her gut something was wrong with him. That is not a connection you get with someone overnight. That is years worth of working together, leaning on each other, learning about one another and seeing each other through a lot of things together. That connection and instinct on someone is built over time.
The beautiful recipe they have now wasn’t ready till we got close to it in s4 and even then they still had some tweaking to do before we reached S5. That being said I love her missing him. My guess is other than 6x01 they’ve scarcely spent a night apart. Also her Tim radar is going bonkers right now. She looks so sick to her stomach when she hangs up.
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Tim seeing Lucy’s call going off and not being able to answer. It's clearly killing him. We see him take a beat and a deep breath. Clearly doesn’t want to be here rather be there with her. Last thing he wanted was his date night interrupted. Also she is his ‘go to’ for pretty much everything. You know its actively tearing him up to not answer her.
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Oh my he was called the 'Reaper'? Holy hell why is that so attractive? Everything with Tim usually is. But hot damn that being his nickname in the service? I am fanning myself. Idk if that's wrong but I am haha But it does give us insight to who he was in the service tbh. You don't get called 'The Reaper.' without good reason.... Why Greer thinks Tim is going soft on him.
I do love Tim reinforcing the law also very attractive oh my goodness. You tell ‘em love. I don’t love this guy guilting Tim into keeping this pact. He’s SOOOOO loyal he’s gonna keep to it. Even at his own detriment. The man shoulders SO MUCH he already doesn't need to. Ugh Tim saying they’ve built lives. Yes you have. With Lucy. The love of your life you walked away from tonight to be here right now. After this chat I knew this ep was going to hurt so good. I could feel it.
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The jokes in the car are cute was hoping he’d ask Tim about Lucy. Sadly we didn't' get this. This whole situation makes me nervous af. God Tim looks extra fine in this episode street clothes on him are a wonder. A delicious one.
My god this list of crimes this guy has done sweet lord. Stole money. Called in an air strike on his own men when they came for him holy shit …Wasn't enough to bury in a shoe box.....fuck they both lied to get Ray’s wife and kid death benefits and if they bring him in it’s a problem.
Crap this is so bad Tim... Saying they’ll get fired from their current jobs and be dishonorably discharged from the service. I’m nervous…this isn’t a good situation. Also not surprised in the least he broke the rules to take care of someone. That empathy of his ran deep before it got buried by his Isabel trauma later on.
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First off let me say Eric KILLED ME in this scene. I was tearing up at how tore up he is about all of this. Tim wanting to take the fall.... Damnit Timothy you have a life too. Don't fall on your sword my god imma cry. Tim’s integrity is one of his sexiest traits IMO. I too have a deep sense of integrity drives everyone I work with insane. He’s in tears saying he would arrest him. Oh my word. I'm crying again. Eric killing me softly holy hell. I'm so mad at Greer for putting that on him. I had a bad feeling about Greer the minute he guilted Tim into this side OP.
How dare you put that on my Tim. He already has so much on his soul. A chunk of it not even his fault. The man is a deeper empath than he gets credit for. He absorbs the feelings and pain of those around him and shoulders things he doesn't need to. I'm learning in therapy I do the same thing. My therapist told me one thing to be empathetic. It's another to feel responsible for other's feelings or the outcome of actions I've taken and how it affects others. I feel like Tim is the same way. He's such an empath he's taken that responsibility to the extreme and is carrying things he doesn't need to be.
I wanna hug him oh my god. His sigh when Greer left. My heart. I'm sure part of the reason he's hiding this from Lucy is the shame he feels. This man (Ray) stole half a million from the government then bombed his own people on his watch. Tim breaks the rules to make sure his widow and child are taken care of and its bites him in this ass. There is a reason he was/is so damn rigid as a cop. 'Rules matter boot.' His PTSD in a line. Anytime he has let his guard down and skirted the rules people have been injured (Mitch) or in this case killed. Ugh. My poor boy. The hitch in his breath like he couldn't breath that entire convo. I'm hurting so much for him in this episode.
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Poor Lucy kept it together at work but lost it when he finally gets home. That look of hope when he walks through the door then instant anger. ‘Telling me you’re alive is not optional.’ Ugh she’s not wrong....I can only imagine what her anxiety was doing to her until he walked through that door. It's shown in her lines above. Her imagining him bleeding out somewhere.
She is not wrong it wasn't ok he didn't even tell her he was alive. I get why he didn't but he should've. Lucy straight confronting him. Asking him what the actual hell is going on with him? No one knows you better than her. You can't hide what you're going through. Tim of course wants to protect her from being fired and refuses to tell her what he's torn up about. Only alluding to it's serious enough if she knows she will be jeopardizing her standing at work.
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Her saying 'Then what are you doing here?' God damn Lucy... telling it like it is. Holy hell. Poor Tim is so taken aback by her response. He breaks my heart when he says 'I came to see you.' Lucy has become his safe place. His comfort zone. So by default he came here to seek that comfort. She is home now and he came home. But she can’t comfort you when she doesn’t know what to comfort you for. This scene hurts to watch. Because he is DYING for her compassion, her warmth and just her. He is denied access because she is setting a boundary with this as she should. Tim needs to share the load with her. To tell her the truth. She is willing to risk her standing for him.
My god if she actually knew she would be kicking herself for how much he needs her right now. But she doesn't know so she sends him away. The tears in both their eyes His 'Understood'. Man is about to cry in front of her. I’m dying. Someone revive me. I’m dead and not in a good way. I’m crying. Eric and Melissa out here crushing it though. Gah Tim would rather blow them up and protect her than not ugh Timmmmmmm I get both sides of this. Tim thinks since this is pre-Lucy and could get her in trouble he needs to bear this alone. When she is begging him to let her share the load of this. Sending him away is her setting a boundary. That he needs to think not just of her but of them. To tackle things together. To stop protecting her.
They’re both hurting in this scene. But the issue at hand still is them only thinking in terms of 'Me' not us. Even though when one of them does this it’s to protect the other. That’s fine and dandy but when it come to them as a whole it’s a problem. Shit hits the fan they eject away thinking that’s the best course of action. It’s been an issue for some time this lack of communication. This is just bringing it to a head. They don’t think how can we tackle this together? They think how can I protect my person from this? Or protect their feelings by lying.
Also think that radio being in this scene was there for a reason. That radio is the representation of Lucy not telling Tim exactly how not ok she was in 6x04. She was so willing to pretend she was ok. And instead of leaning on him. Voicing that so they could tackle it together. She ran into the line of fire recklessly instead to prove herself worthy again. Almost killing herself in the process. Because she was in her head instead of communicating to Tim. These two gonna be death of me...
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Wanna hug Lucy. She is desperate for any kind of help. So she reaches out to Nolan. John per usual is completely useless for her in a crisis. Man is as useful as using a fork to eat soup. These are the moments I miss Jackson for Lucy so much. He would’ve had a much better an answer. Then just ‘you're shit out of luck.’ That’s not enough damnit.
Nolan basically saying. "What are you gonna do?' with a shrug. If I could clock you John I would. I don't normally watch the preview for the next ep till I'm done assembling my thoughts. But with this one I couldn't wait. This is why Lucy goes to Angela next week about Tim instead. She needed a real grown up to help her with Tim.
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We rejoin Lucy looking at her phone. Trying so damn hard not to reach out. To be the trusting girlfriend for her man. I know we're in a bad spot but Lucy calling Tim 'her man' gah yes please more of that. I am grateful for Tamara. She needs her right now since Nolan is useless af. Lucy is trying so very hard not to spiral out atm. She confronted him and it didn't go well. Lucy is feeling at a loss right now and rightfully so. I adore Tamara for making her laugh in this moment so very much.
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The lesson's Tamara has learned is too damn cute. I loved it so much. Lucy needed this moment of levity and her pseudo daughter crushed it. We pan back to Tim also starting at his phone wanting to call. Ugh Tim what are you gonna do babe? You can’t kill him. Can’t turn him in. I feel sick lol Also once again amazing song to close it out. I watch the ep with my gaming headphones on. One because I love hearing Eric’s voice straight in my ears not gonna lie. Don’t judge me ha Also catch onto music more so with them on.
But back to the matter at hand…Now do I think they’re gonna break up cause he’s gonna protect her? I don’t. Their angst since they got together has always been productive. Is it gonna hurt like a son of a bitch before we get there? Yes.
My hope is this drives them to depend on one another more and not just straight protect each other at the detriment of the one they're ironically trying to protect. Better communication which has been an issue for some time. To learn to face these challenges not only head on but hand in hand while they do so. These are the types of things they need to learn before their relationship gets any more serious than it is tbh. So while this hurts like a lot it'll be good for them in the long run.
This season has EXCEEDED my expectations ten fold. If you aren't happy with this season idk what will make you happy tbh. I said the same thing about S5 as well. I cannot wait for next week. Which I am hoping is full of worried/feral Lucy and their reunion and growth from it. Phew feel free to comment any theories or thoughts on my first take thoughts I love them so. Also thank you everyone supporting these mini reviews you're amazing and makes the effort always worth it.
Side notes -non Chenford
Ok Aaron seeing his therapist at the bar excited for him I knew low key there would be something there.
Bailey and John seem so cold I know they’re on duty but even grey held his wife’s hand at the hospital…
Of course Smitty takes his break at a therapist office
Lucy’s joke about Celina omg LOL I'm impressed with such a solid joke when she was low key worried the love of her life was dying in a ditch somewhere...
Also clearly his therapist is a lying liar who lies but how can she not be? She's his therapist and WORK one at that. Be interesting to see how this unfolds.
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obeythebutler · 2 years
Note
anyways before i forget.
coward!MC lesson 16 reactions,,, bro the angst potential there is so real idk even where to start.
i legit imagine,,, you're in such a state of abject terror and shock, like, you literally died, not a game, no joking, it HAPPENED, and no one saved you, belphie didn't stop, there was absolutely nothing you could do
first lucifer rejecting you, and then this. it'd be a massive setback to any kind of bravery you'd been able to muster because seriously, post lesson 16, literally fuck that. you could DIE, this is REAL, and you were stupid for ever forgetting that.
hhh just. satan, lucifer, mammon,, whichever other boys (i love me some dia so maybe him and barb, who probably deserves to feel at least a little responsible), knowing how much you suffer. trying to help.
HNNNNNG YOU WROTE MC'S TERROR SO FUCKING GOOD AND NOW THE ANGST POWER LIVES IN MY BRAIIIIN
strongly worded and more detailed letters to follow, love, elsey,
Coward! MC here
Hellfire tea sits cold in your lap.
The flames in the fireplace burn with vigour, bright and burning as expected of something like Hell. Mammon once threw a broken chair in there, to hide it from the eldest, and it reduced to ashes in front of your eyes within seconds.
The fire devour anything it gets.
Like that black tapir roasted to perfection by Satan. Babylon curry stirred by Asmodeus, with two pink hairclips that he put in place before beginning with the cooking and as he chirped "so that my hair won't be affected by the heat !," and the cheerful chatter in the air. Plans made and some promptly turned away (exploring all Devildom restaurants in a day might just lead to bankruptcy) and smiles which were not seen before.
And Quetzalcoatl brain soup stirred by a tall demon.
For his twin, of course.
Bony fingers that gripped the ladle and lips curling into a smile at the taste. Those same fingers around your throat. Tightening, not letting you breathe even when you begged. Black spots in your vision and a throbbing pain in your chest after having been thrown down the stairs. You must have broken a bone or two in there, but you're not sure.
You're not even sure why you are alive.
Belphegor laughs, and you freeze in your seat, fork with spaghetti twisted around it falling on the table with a plop!
You blame it on clumsy hands. And yet, your heartbeat can be heard by inhumane ears.
You stare at it with detachment, perhaps wondering if the piece of food will jump to life.
"Here," Belphegor says, passing you a plate of sushi. "I thought you would like it, since its from the human world."
You stare but smile, and when his fingers brush against yours you tremble.
"I missed out on a lot, didn't I?" He mentions with gaze half-lidded. "I want to catch up on everything."
You chew on rice and fish but the taste doesn't matter at the moment. The room is gigantic and you already dwarf in comparison. Eyes gaze at you in concern, but you pay no heed.
Did your death even get a mourning?
When Belphegor says your name, you nod and say yes.
Even when you beg yourself to say no and get out, out of the room where he is sitting and eating and you're dining with him and his brothers and you're dining with rejection and death in front of you and oh god you can't say no—
Your fingers dig into your thigh.
"MC, are you alright?" Asmodeus whispers, unable to avoid the way in which your hands tremble when Belphegor is near. You don't hear him, continuing to stare at the half-eaten sushi on your plate. Your heart pounds in your chest, the familiar tendrils of fear clinging to you as the seventhborn draws nearer.
"MC—"
He is barely able to place a hand on your shoulder before you jolt, throwing away your cutlery with a clang. The chair makes a noise that makes everyone else wince, following which you're gone and out of the dining room.
You're gone in a flash, footsteps fading with the door of your room slamming shut.
This is your chance.
Go back in time. Find out what helped Belphegor escape. Come back.
Sounds like a pretty neat plan.
"Thank you, MC." When Lucifer expresses his gratitude for your help, you smile in understanding.
Even after what has happened, you will show everyone that you can be better. That you're not the coward you used to be. After having faced rejection and cried outside the firstborn's door, writing on paper that tore due to how much you erased your work and after Lucifer's demon form towering over you. Teeth bared in a display of aggression, and the sickening thud that was made when Beel collided with the furniture.
And after all that has happened, things are finally looking up for you. You've fallen down many times, but you're learning to brush yourself and get up, persevere, and not shrink when faced with the slightest threat.
This is your chance, you affirm, clenching your fist. You can finally prove that you're worthy of respect, a value that you want to be admired for.
"Remember, you must not tell anyone that you are from the future, as well as me. That might end up warping history. Return after finding out the reason for Belphegor's escape."
The butler instructs, finger under his chin. You nod, flashing the demon a smile to let him know that you are prepared. Barbatos's warning echoes clear in your head as you approach the door, and open it, revealing a purple mist.
When you look back at the demon, his expression reveals nothing. Bidding him bye, you step forward.
You can't wait to return.
As soon as the haze clears, you find yourself in the hallway of the House of Lamentation. You pace around, trying to ascertain as to during which event you are here.
The sound of bickering catches your ears, and you step forward into Mammon's room.
"When you're silencing yourself, ensure to quieten that stomach too!"
"Hey! Don't ask me to do the impossible!"
"Lucifer and MC should have opened up to each other by now."
Your breath hitches in your throat as you take in Asmo's words. So the whole game with the firstborn was planned...
A smile forms on your face at the realisation, but it drops as soon as you remember that they don't know what will happen. Screaming and shouting. Bristled wings and snarls. Threats on your life. Careful to not make noise, you step forward to listen better.
And the sound of the empty can crushing beneath your feet is enough to attract attention.
Mammon's head whips around. "I didn't know you were in here the whole time!" He says in disbelief, and the others look on. You gulp, having the urge to get out of the room without explaining yourself, but you stop.
"Yeah, I followed Satan around.." You mutter, embarrassed, and the fourthborn frowns.
"See! I told you to be careful" Asmo complains, pointing a finger accusingly at his brother. "Now look what you've done."
The idea to make Lucifer and you talk again has not worked out, and the demon pouts.
Levi furrows his brows."You should see him." He says, and you nod, glad to get out and solve the mission. Back in the hallway, you hear faint voices, and on inspecting closely you discover that they're coming from the top of the stairs.
Where Belphegor is held prisoner.
"The old Lucifer wasn't like this! The old Lucifer didn't care what others thought of him!"
You don't hear a retort.
Perhaps this was one of the many reasons why you fell in love with Lucifer. Brave and confident of himself, willing to sacrifice himself for those who loves.
Something you wouldn't have been able to muster the courage for.
But you're growing. You're making progress, as small that might be. You no longer tolerate lower-level demons stepping up and stealing your lunch or bothering you in class. Grades are improving, and so are your relations in the house.
You don't want it all to shatter.
You don't want to pick yourself up again like that night.
Descending footsteps alert you, and so you hide.
And Belphegor's pleading voice for help is something you are unable to resist.
And so you step forward and open the door.
And so Belphegor embraces you.
And then he transforms.
"What—What the hell are you doing?!" You stammer, fear creeping in your veins at the sudden reveal of his demon form. "Belphegor, what exactly are you planning?"
When his hand curl around your neck, you scream.
He pushes you against the wall of the attic, your head colliding with the stone, further adding to your agony. The demon laughs, and you wonder if this is his genuine smile, finally revealed in a moment of cruelty.
"Don't blame me for tricking you, blame yourself for falling for it," He snarls, teeth too sharp and eyes too bright in the dim light. You struggle to breathe, your clawing and kicking of no use.
"Please," You beg, barely able to rasp out words when he squeezes your neck so tightly you fear he might just wrung it and kill you. "I don't want to—I—please d-don't—"
His smile is cruel.
"It's rather unpleasant, in't it? Being choked like this." Belphegor laughs, the sound throaty and cruel, and you feel your heart breaking further at the betrayal. You thought you were friends. You trusted him. You freed him.
All that courage you had gathered, all gone to waste. Your mission—failed. What you feared during your time in the Devildom is happening, and you can't even do anything to stop it.
You are about to die.
Your vision blurs with tears, and you struggle to breathe in his grasp.
Not this time. Not this. Anything but this. Please don't kill me.
His laugh still rings in your ears as your eyes close.
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"Not my breakfast!"
Leviathan protests, unable to do anything but watch as Beel downs the rest of his food, miffed at his ignorance. He slams his hand on the table, and Lucifer frowns.
"Beel and Levi—"
The delicate normalcy in the room has been broken, and now it lies shattered like a thousand glass pieces that will be hard to pick up and will pierce skin.
If not of demons, than of a human.
The demon straightens his posture, realising that his presence has stopped the chatter that he had anticipated. Belphegor gazes around the room, and when he turns to look his brothers in the eye they don't meet his gaze.
"Come on," He drawls, pulling back the chair to sit down, the sound making everyone wince. "Continue."
He grabs his portion of bread and soup, but no one resumes their actions.
Indifferent, the demon takes a bite of the bread.
"So...are you going along with Belphie to school?" Asmo questions, hand resting under his chin.
Besides him, Leviathan announces that he will grab something to eat at the cafeteria, and the fading footsteps create a sound no one wants to hear.
Belphegor takes a sip of the soup. "MC doesn't have to go along if they don't want to." His expression reveals nothing; and your shoulders sag with relief.
You don't go with Belphegor to school that day.
But that doesn't spare you from his presence next to yours in the class.
Neither does the fact that you're sitting next to the demon that killed you once.
Has he brushed aside what happened so easily? And have the others done the same? You ask yourself as the professor demonstrates how to manifest magic circles. And rejection still sits bitter within you.
After that class is over, you have to go shopping for Diavolo's birthday. You're not sure if you'll be able to do that with Belphegor around.
Every step you take will have to be done with caution. Because you, foolish human, had forgotten that you were defenseless, with or without the pacts.
They knew what would happen when you would step into the portal.
Neither did you find someone who loved you.
Neither was your love returned.
The pain of rejection dulls in comparison to death, and even then you find yourself in shambles.
You were, after all, sent to your demise instead. You laugh at the fact, a low chuckle that breaks off into a crack at the end, and it doesn't help that Mammon winces noticing your expression of happiness is a bitter one. Nor is it true.
After running into the residents of Purgatory hall, you find that nothing escapes Simeon's gaze.
When he advices you to serve as a bridge for the brothers, you are tempted to cackle.
The angel quietens when he sees the dark circles under your eyes, and the way your eyes dart around the stairs, waiting for someone to strike. Instead Simeon breathes out, murmuring that you are welcome to come to Purgatory Hall whenever you wish. The angel doesn't know what took place, but he knows you're in turmoil.
"If you want someone to talk to, I'm right here." He departs with those words.
He leads Luke back home.
He doesn't know what to say.
And your vision blurs as they walk away.
Nothing can be said of this moment, nothing is left to say. Its silence silences.
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Game night is not a peace-building activity.
Rather, it leads to chaos.
"Wrong decision Mammon! You could have had Ruri work as an idol and instead you've sent her to the casino!"
"She'll make more money and then you'll get more! Stop shoutin at me!"
"This was my videogame—"
The door slams open.
And then it begins.
"So you're telling me that Beel is feelin guilty because he didn't know you were being held..prisoner?"
"What else," Belphegor rolls his eyes, and when his gaze meets yours his expression is unreadable. He settles away from you, swiping a pillow from Levi's lap who gazes around the room, and placing it on his own. Although he's not touching you, his presence is enough to inspire fear. Your nerves stay on edge, body stiffening as you attempt to stay still and not shrivel besides him.
You want to go back to your room.
"Should we go and see Beel?" Mammon mutters in your ear, not wanting to let Belphie hear, but the action has you nearly jolting in your place.
Your eyes are downcast. "S-Sure," You whisper, voice low. "We should see him." You play with your thumb, refusing to meet either brother's gaze. The audio from the game stops playing, and the silence that follows starts to envelope the room in a heavy blanket.
The secondborn frowns.
"Ya alright?" He questions, eyes travelling over your form, inspecting for any injuries you might have been trying to hide or any signs of illness, but when he sees the way your hands tremble and breath runs ragged Mammon bends down.
"Let's go to your room MC, how about that?"
You nod, and let him lead the way.
When the door closes again, it is Levi's turn to gape at Belphegor.
"They're scared of you," He blurts out, unable to bear the silence. "MC doesn't want to be near you."
Belphegor stares at the tank in resignation.
Back in your room, Mammon dims the lights with a simple incantation that he heard Lucifer recite countless times. "Thanks," You say, voice muffled under the blanket. The demon smiles, his eyes looking unusually bright in the dark, but you brush it aside as a demon quirk.
"Anything for ya."
He turns to leave, ready to walk out the door and close it, then walk straight towards the end of the hallway where—
"Mammon?"
His name comes out in a whisper, and he stills.
"Could you stay?"
A smile. "Of course."
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"Are you alright?"
Lucifer questions, and you tremble.
"I'm fine," You mumble, unable to meet his gaze. You don't have the courage to even look the demon in the eye, and so you stare at your notebook. "Just doing some assignments," You blurt, picking up a pencil in hopes of making yourself look busy. "We've got a test tomorrow in Hexes and Curses."
The demon eyes you, lips turned downwards and brows furrowed.
The man can see you trembling. The way your eyes flicker nervously over lines of text, or the way you keep fidgeting with the pencil.
You're scared.
And who's fault is it?
Who is responsible for your death?
Who is responsible for locking Belphegor?
Who is responsible for the fall from the Celestial Realm?
Who is responsible for destroying any courage you had gathered?
All these questions are screamed at him, and the war comes to mind. When others had believed in him, and he failed them.
He failed you.
Lucifer knows that it is him, and no other being. All that had happened to you are the consequences of his own actions. That after having finally gathered yourself from the pain of rejection, the pain of dying had finally torn down any remnants of your happiness and peace here.
And...would you even trust him?
The firstborn asks himself this question as he ogles your form; desperately trying to find a way for you or him to leave. Because he can't be trusted, not anymore.
And he can't even believe you when you say that you're fine.
"You should rest," He says, voice raspy. "The past few days have been....."
The demon winces, stopping himself before he goes and says something that will tear the manufactured normalcy you've been desperately trying to present.
You nod in return, muttering out a 'good night,' before gathering your notebook and scurrying out from the room. You can feel eyes burning holes in the back of your head; you can feel Lucifer staring at you, but you don't want to look back.
And as your footsteps retreat, Lucifer replaces the vacant spot you had left, on the chair.
He inspects the wood, eyes gazing over the material before he rests his head on it—too exhausted to do anything else. Too tired to try right now.
He's worsened your agony.
Gloves fingers pick up the pencil lying abandoned, and the firstborn stares at it. Your departure sets something in his chest throbbing with pain, and he knows it is love that he cannot speak about.
Oh, how the tables have turned.
He loves you. But it is an affection he does not have the courage to speak about, for his actions say something else.
Does he even deserve you?
Lucifer's throat tightens, and he refuses to acknowledge it.
His mind drifts back to the time when his brothers were creating a fuss about that Devilgram photo with you and Satan. How you both looked so happy and it was someone else who'd made you smile. How hard you had cried that night when he had rejected you and how scared you were after. How you avoided him after and how you must have cried and how scared you must have been when Belphegor killed you—
A garbled cry spills from his throat.
The sound Lucifer makes is something he's mortified to hear from himself. The man's vision blurs and all he can feel is the agony in his chest. His face is wet. And upon realising that the library isn't soundproof he casts an enchantment, through a tone that cracks in the end.
No one will be able to hear his cries now.
Your spirits have been crushed, and the MC he once knew is gone, replaced by one that had their spirits defeated.
Lucifer is witness to that. From watching you run away, leaving behind Beel and Luke in the underground tomb to standing in front of Diavolo, going back in time....and being rejected and yet bouncing back...there's no greater testimony than it.
He calls you to his room the night before you're supposed to leave for the human world.
You walk into the room to see Lucifer by the fireplace. The flames frame his features in a way which takes away your breath. It is in this moment that you're reminded that you are in a room with the Avatar of Pride and fallen angel, Lucifer himself.
You suppose there's no better time to be wary than now.
In hindsight, you should have never trusted them from the start. For who knew smiles and laughter would get you killed? So when the demon asks for you, it takes fifteen minutes itself to muster up courage to move.
And even more to stand in front of him.
"Come, sit down," He murmurs, gesturing to an empty couch across him. "Please make yourself comfortable."
The man attempts to make yourself feel relaxed in his presence, but you can't help the racing of your heart when you sit down on the plush couch, darting your gaze around the room, looking everywhere but in his eyes. When you finally do, look in his direction, you find that Lucifer is not scrutinizing you.
Rather, he's focused on the fire.
"I chose you as the exchange student for this programe." Lucifer declares, voice somber.
You fidget in your seat, not knowing what to make of his words. When he looks at you, your guts tell you to flee, yet you remain like a deer frozen in headlights.
"There were times when I regretted my choice."
Your heart sinks. You know Lucifer doesn't have the best opinion of you, you are pretty sure you are nothing more than a coward in his eyes, just a human to take care of for a year. A responsibility.
"But I made the right choice in choosing you." Lucifer smiles, and it is an expression full of warmth, unlike anything you've seen before.
"H-How?" You question, utterly bewildered and confused. "I thought you—that you—"
"That you had no value in my eyes." The man cuts you off, and you flinch. "That I had no respect for you." Your hands tremble, not knowing where this conversation is leading to. The door is right in front of you, maybe if you just excused yourself—
Yet another part wants to stay. Remain and listen to the demon. Lucifer's voice is soft. "I was wrong about you," He admits, smiling softly. "For you are someone to be respected."
?!
"Ever since the day I saw you in the Devildom, I assumed that you would be another hassle, another responsibility to take care of. And observing you during your first week here, didn't exactly put a decent impression of you in my mind."
You gape at the man, waiting for him to continue.
"You ran away from me in the underground tomb, and yet you went up the stairs that I stated were forbidden. I have seen you struggling with coursework, thrust into a new environment which you did not consent to have been put into..." He places a hand under his chin. "In hindsight, I should have been more understanding of your situation. I was the one to bring you here and you even got killed because of my mistake.."
"Don't say that."
He sighs, his shoulders sagging, and you've never seen Lucifer look more defeated.
"I have seen you grow. I assumed you were weak, a coward, and yet you grew and overcame your fears. You have helped me and my family immensely, and all I did was get in your way." He says, and your heart aches. "I've been cruel."
A sob chokes your throat.
"I am proud of you for what you have done and achieved, and I can never make enough reparations for what you had to suffer. But I swear I will prevent anything like this from occurring again." He gets up, suddenly, startling you. "And I offer you my pact as promise and as gratitude."
And as you watch, the Morningstar gets on his knees in front of you.
"Control over me as your demon, and you my Master," He mumbles. "Will you allow me the honour of making a pact with you?"
When Lucifer gazes at you with nothing but sincerity in his eyes, you have to blink back tears.
"Y-Yes."
The firstborn bows his head. "You will never have to fear me again." He swears. "And I will give you a reason to believe." And with that, you feel infernal magic flowing through your veins. A burst of energy so intense that it raises your heartbeat and makes you close your eyes momentarily.
When you open them again, you feel powerful.
For you have command over the Morningstar himself.
"Thank you," You whisper, placing your hand atop his own.
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Satan has seen the way you carry yourselves now at RAD, an invisible presence amongst the crowd of chattering demons. Withdrawn and downcast. Despite the pacts, you were murdered.
He's seen you fall and rise, unwavering determination as you gathered courage and spoke up for yourself. Improved yourself and went against Diavolo, the literal Prince who few dared to oppose. You went back in time for all of them, and what did that get you?
Death.
But now you can barely muster any courage to even look him in the eye. Lucifer and Belphegor have made their pacts with you too in penance and forgiveness, but that is not enough to help the trauma inflicted upon you.
Satan doesn't know what to say now, seeing your downcast gaze and the way you tremble when Belphegor is near. He's seen you rise and fall, and seeing you destroyed makes Satan realise that he and his brother are all responsible for what happened to you. He loves you too; for seeing you strive to improve and overcome the fear that is justifiably humane, and observing you grow reminds Satan of himself.
But you've fallen down and been killed.
Therapy, he concludes one week before you're supposed to leave. It is perhaps the best option for you.
And all that on Diavolo's dime.
Lucifer and Satan had worked it out all together, and the Prince had readily agreed. He knew what would happen, and yet he allowed it.
One life in exchange for peace and order.
It sounds simple, but when you realise the weight it carries you can't bring yourself to do it. The man is a Prince, and with that title comes responsibilities and power more than anyone could fathom.
But did it give him the right to put you in a completely different realm and place an unwanted burden on your shoulders?
He muses, late at night when the moon is at its brightest. When he can't sleep, and the dark circles in the morning will surely concern Barbatos who won't hold back on a lecture.
But some questions won't stop bothering him.
Do you hate him?
Would you have hated him?
For what he's done to you?
Was he making the right choices?
Was he trying enough?
But he's still learning, still observing, still growing. He never lies.
And Diavolo doesn't ever want such a circumstance to occur. When he felt infernal magic radiating from you, so intense and of a magnitude that only the firstborn could muster, the Prince knew what had happened.
Pacts with the seven avatars.
Command over them.
Could....would you have forged one with him, if possible? Would you want to? He wants to ask, and yet Diavolo knows he can't make one even if you were willing.
Not yet.
But he'll work towards ensuring a world where he can.
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