#idk sometimes we think that maybe our art just sucks

[hornystiel]

once again seeing shit on twt and i saw it here multiple times too and i just have to say

the passage that 'you write/draw/make edits for yourself in the first place and it's fun as it is!!! and you shouldn't want attention or gratification!! otherwise you're somehow a bad person!!' - sucks ass

i'll hide the rest but i want to write it all down because it's been bothering me for a while

it may be surprising for many but many published and famous authors also write because of money it brings them? and fame? and recognition? shocker right. yes, not only because of this (tho some do it mostly because of all of the above and that's why many books are shit yes come at me bro tell me i'm no critic etc etc idc) same with artists etc. and it's okay people have no problemo with it, it's actually expected for them to get paid and praised. another example - youtubers. they create shit, they are monetized, they have income etc and yet i think you heard them say at least once 'i'll release the next vid once the previous one reaches ~~~likes and comments'. and again it's nothing really. it's always your choice whether to buy that book, see that film, watch that vid, leave that comment and like. you do it or you don't

in fandom we do everything for free (i'm not talking about commissions) and yet when many creative people ask to simply reblog our stuff for it to be seen because it's how tumblr functions - we're met with the whole ass lecture that we can't Demand anything from people, and that well if you don't get shit then you're not as good because greatness always finds a way, and basically we should be grateful for what we have and shut it. it's like a Scandal every time this topic is brought up. how dare. feels like i'm running here with a gun pointed to their heads and shout at them to reblog my stuff or else. and then those same people and many others are surprised there's lack of content except screencaps and texts we've all seen a hundred times and that people left for other places and fandoms

if i wanted to create only for myself i would've never posted anything here or on any other platform. why should i, i'm only satisfying myself, right. fun! but it so happens that i also want connection with fandom, and yes, boo me, i want attention and maybe even praise sometimes. and that isn't some vile thing to want. we are all humans and we thrive on such things and yes nobody suffered from a good comment or a reblog with excited shouting

and surprise, when i see that my stuff is doing well and people reach out and people are happy or sad or just experience the emotions i wanted from them - i want to make more things quicker and i want to progress and i want to share. double win

nobody owes anybody here. you don't want to engage at all? it's your right i won't hunt you down. really, i will make my stuff regardless, it's just i don't owe anybody here either and i can choose to share only with those who are interested? and way more popular people can do the same? because why spend the energy if people only consume things silently or just glance at it and scroll down and get real defensive about their right to only like stuff on the reblogging site. dw i won't do it i'm too much of an attention whore for it and i'm not afraid to admit it. anyway it's not a ~threat~, i'm simply stating that people who create stuff can do whatever they want with it, they created it for free, 'for themselves in the first place' and you can't get deathly offended when some of them move places, change fandom just because they get what they always wanted from it, remove their stuff or lock the next chapters of a fic for the people they want to see it, especially if you were a silent spectator this whole time

idk i'm not going anywhere really with this i'm just mad how we really are 'content creators' in the eyes of many. only here to throw up our 'content' - art, fics, edits, gifs - for it to be consumed silently in some abyss, reposted, stolen, and be grateful not to be eaten by it

#fandom #thoughts in words #drawing #writing

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Well about the perception of Volo vs Kamado thing, and why more people don’t hate Volo, I have my own reflections (pretty privilege is absolutely a factor tho let’s be real 😂)

Everyone growing up has at least one story of an adult being super unfair to you, even though you were doing everything right. Their own biases and experiences could be understood later once you were older and calmer reflecting back on the incident, like a teacher who snapped at you maybe had a super long day of wrangling hundreds of children. But we never forget how it feels in that moment to have those who should be guiding us be unfair and seemingly unreasonable. So naturally that’s gonna hurt when you get kamado being paranoid.

Volo on the other hand is just absolutely delightful I’m sorry maybe if Kamado put on a silly outfit and hair for his boss battle instead of plate mail he’d have more art. Like you said Volos betrayal is one and done really, he acts like a theater kid and then dips. You have to keep seeing kamado being in charge in the game after his blunders for a while which can rub people the wrong way. (Also this is maybe just me but I never trusted Volo just like I never trusted Cynthia as a kid, and finding out he was evil was a great moment of vindication I CANT be the only one who experienced this)

TLDR we see unfairness way more than we see someone betray us while making their hair like a god horse

well, you heard them, kamado. time to go get the jester outfit. cmon chop chop it's to redeem your image

yeah, the point abt getting burned by adults in authority is also very fair. most of us were not scarred for life by theater kid antics lol. the other thing abt it is that often those same adults never really face any consequences. you were always just expected to move on, suck it up etc. cause that's life as a kid right. sometimes ppl will use their power over you just to flex their limited authority, or to vent whatever's going on in their home life, and this doesn't really stop when you grow up it's just that when you're a kid basically every adult has that authority position. so it's just expected that there's nothing you can do. i mean unless you decide to be the karmic force of justice in your own life by being the most stubborn bitch of a child to walk the earth. not that i would know anything about that cough

uh anyway. the thing is the thing btwn you and kamado isn't about about child vs adult. you're more or less considered an adult yourself by jubilife, albeit a rather young and more importantly low ranking one. like we've said (a million times already lol) kamado's not doing it just to grasp at a sense of control, he's reacting to what he perceives as a very real threat to his village (and also because the writers clocked him in the face with the idiot ball for plot advancement reasons lbr).

and the thing is kamado DOES, kind of, face consequences and own up to his mistakes by the end of the game. also after the red sky event he's like, REALLY nice to you lol. not just briefly either! imo you can tell that he sincerely respects you and regrets his actions in the red sky. go look at his late game quotes-

"Perhaps you are a divine being yourself, sent to bring us gifts from above... "I know I've no right to say this... But we are truly fortunate to have been able to count you among the Survey Corps' ranks. If you had not joined us, we would have fallen on Mount Coronet. We would have lost our home. We would have lost our future." "I'm grateful to you for showing me what a heartening presence Pokémon can be. We must spar again sometime!" "<player>, forgive me for taking so much of your time [telling you about the Galaxy name.] Please accept this as a sort of apology."

like he's trying to make up for the way they were treated earlier and give them the proper treatment they're owed for all their help.

idk i don't have a good way to conclude this i guess. i just think he's a cool character

#the nemesis speaks #the nemesis answers #trudivination #pla analysis #i should really be tagging these kamado posts #but with what ugh #kamado apologist hours #that's what i tagged a previous one with i think. sure good nuff #i say the idiot ball thing bc like #kamado's PERCEPTION was semi reasonable but his ACTIONS kind of weren't #but it's also kind of unreasonable for such a seemingly competent person to get that straw-graspy that fast #like they purely did his character dirty bc it was the easiest way to get you to follow volo to cogita's house #imo at least. you (general you) may disagree. there's space to make an argument there

[syaosakureal]

Clear card pros and cons (that i can remember i need to reread it again)

Pros:

SYAOSAKU DATING ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

idk more content around our fave characters (though not as much but take it as you will)

The wierd ass technology update all of a sudden everyone has iphones (minus syaoran)

It picked up from the og ending where syaoran comes back from hong kong

SYAOSAKU DATING 🥹🥹🥹

SYAOSAKU WENT ON A DATE ‼️‼️

Unlocked sakura new swag (at the cost of ending her cardcaptor retirement…)

(Anime only) english dub actors of trc syaosaku voice ccscc syaosaku i thought that was pretty cool (syaoran sounds like maybe he went through puberty a little too early but thats okay)

(Anime only) SYAORAN SPEAKS FRENCH IN THE ENGLISH DUB

cute art style

Maybe just me but sometimes i get a little emotional seeing sakura in her daily life in middle school because its like !! Wow i remember when you were in 4th grade and now you’re in 7th grade im so proud of you sakura 🥹

Momo (new mascot to make marketable plushie off of)

(Anime only) MEILING COMEBACK ‼️

THE SYAOSAKU SONG HOSHI NO TEGAMI 😭😭😭😭😭 BEST SONG EVERRRR WTF SYAORANS SINGING VOICE IS SO!:?:)/$/? THEYRE SUCH A GOOD DUET

SYAOSAKU DATING. Btw. Theyre a couple. Theyre dating and theyre in love.

Cons:

KAITO.

New characters who happen to be mediocre

Akiho is literally just a carbon copy of sakura who is just sad (they refused to touch on the different aspects of her like reading books, singing and from kong kong only very rarely)

Kaito fucking sucks literally worst ccs of all time and THATS A LOT saying theres literal PEDOS in the fucking show but theyre all background characters but they can also piss off

Tbf i got confused along the way

Too many plot holes

Syaosaku angst

Syaosaku couldnt touch for a while 😔

Anyway why did yelan do that (referring to point above)

Some shit does not make sense

Tsubasa/xxxholic references (this is for you oomf)

Syaoran???? Is part of the “im keeping things from sakura” gang???? And it sucks so bad (yes it got resolved in the later half BUT IT STILL SUCKED)

TOO MANY THINGS KEPT FROM SAKURA JUST TELL HER DAMN

pushes most characters from the og manga aside to focus on akiho and that man 🙄🙄🙄

Clamp forces us to care about them but in reality we really do not gaf

(In reference to point above) Clamp sees that and pushes the nostalgia tactics/references sometimes and its lowkey tiring

The part where the syao/saku/tomo were reminiscing that fuck ass teacher made me ill i genuinely wanted to kms

Still hasnt gotten rid of their p*do ass shit thanks clamp very cool (sarcasm)

Did i mention that the og characters were pushed back? Because they really were

Akiho felt more of the main character of this story instead of sakura

Tbh not much happened in the entirety of this manga ESPECIALLY considering time shenanigans

Im still mad that syaoran hid stuff from sakura tbh

HOW CAN I FORGET THE UGLY ASS “YUNAAKI IS SIMILAR TO SYAOSAKU” PARALLELS AND HOW BADLY IT PISSES ME OFF

syaosaku dont look but theres an ugly bitch trying to be like you (yunaaki)

Yunaaki becoming borderline canon despite it being a toxic and p*dophilic ship

Kaito still exists in this fucking story and got a somewhat happy ending (befriending syaoran dont piss me the fuck off)

COMPARING KAITO TO SYAORAN KYS @ CLAMP

Kero/tomoyo/yue/nakuru/spinnel basically everyone magically involved is pushed back basically useless until the final act (i think i mentioned the character pushback before)

Still major plotholes

Yamazaki tells the truth now

Touya got whitewashed

Akiho still has too many similarities to sakura it still pisses me off. Why cant they make her her own character

My girl sakura developed anxiety

MY BOY SYAORAN DEVELOPED DEPRESSION

angsty ass middle schoolers

Didnt like the scene where sakuras grandad was basically throwing shade at syaoran comparing his romance with sakura to … sakura’s fuckass dad grooming her mom. What

Syaoran calmed down a bit i miss when he was chaotic af but whatever #middleschoolerthings

Season 2 is taking forever to release good lord

#thats about it i can think for now #if i remember i’ll probably add more idk #clear card spoilers #thoughts

[rinhaler]

The anon who just found out u were fuwushiguro here!!

Yes I absolutely understand the frustration from not performing as well with follower count to likes ratio - as an artist who used to be quite popular and likes went from thousands to only like seventy. At some point you feel like you’re not doing it for you, but actually for others. I’m happy you realised the happiness can come from writing and not only hate.

The friend who left you I can also relate to a bit, my ex best friend of 6 years also left me quite recently and it was like there was an empty hole in me because even if you’re not friends anymore, your brain can’t quite handle the change. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but the greatest challenge is to not only hold yourself to one person but to be open and try new possibilities, and that’s what you’ve seemed to done! You have new friends, new mental attitude, and a brand new beautiful blog (that I love the theme of btw!!!) You’re doing great and will continue to do so, because if there are 100 rinhaler fans I’m one of them, if there are 10 rinhaler fans I’m one of them and if there are none, I’m dead.

Also to the question you had, idk it’s just the way you describe certain things..? It’s hard to explain, I have about 50 fanfic blogs that I really love the writing of and fuwushiguro was one of them. Your world building, character description as well as development, SO GOOD!! And your wusyaname series was amazing, I used to check your blog religiously for any updates, and I’m happy you’re reuploading them here bc now I’m gonna reread them every week!

Also the way you wrote yuuji in the aita!sukuna fic was extremely similar to the first few chapters in wusyaname before he goes on that trip (if I remember right)

Have a great day/night :D

omg ARTIST AAAAAA im obsessed I'd love to see your stuff if you ever feel comfortable sharing with me sometime but no pressure ofc! I know it's very personal! ive been trying to get more into art but im finding it hard to balance practicing art stuff and writing. I also have massive art insecurity bc I don't think I'm good enough (same with my writing) so I totally understand if u wanna keep it all to yourself but go you for being a talented babe <3

interactions on tumblr suck and I'm starting to be able to tell myself it's purely luck what performs well and what doesn't, so I'm finding it a lot easier to write things I actually want to write now rather than what I think my followers will like.

Also yeah in regard to my friend, we were online friends and we'd only known each other for around two years but god i adored her and i still do tbh. I think about her and our memories all of the time we were so so close so her decision to just randomly cut me off really hurt. I'd love to talk to her again but I know I have to respect her decision and I wish her the best!

It's been a good opportunity to get back into writing so at least something nice has come from something so sad. And I love this little space so much! I'm glad you like my theme! It was greenish at first n i was like nope this aint the one i am a pink girl through and through!

ALSO AAAA THE WAY IM BLUSHING ABT AITA YUUJI BEING LIKE WUSYANAME YUUJI UR SO RIGHT 😩 definitely not intentional but god maybe i missed him more than i thought! I'm so excited to be reposting it though it's going to be like living through the magic of it all again and hearing what everyone thinks and stuff! I haven't read it in so long so I feel like I'm right there with you all hehehe

anyway thank you for supporting me always ur literally the best i adore u pls take care of urself mwah mwah mwah

#💌 — luxe mail

[tea-and-secrets]

I ghosted a very good friend for no other reason than just "mental health was messed up"

I didnt have the energy to reply to her message one day. So I didnt open her messages. I kept saying id do it tomorrow. Days turned into weeks and months and suddenly years. Havent spoken to her since 2019 now. At one ppint it began feeling like it was too late, so, we just. Dont talk anymore. She never reached out again either (i dont blame her) so i felt like she'd moved on

Sometimes i think of reaching out but God we'd be just strangers now. We're not even in the fandom where we met anymore. I also think it'd suck if shes hurt or mad so i dont wanna open any wounds. Its best to move on. Im just so fuckinv angry i let myself lose such a good friendship.

Ik you dont know its me, but if you read this, i just want to say, im sorry. Im so, so fucking sorry. I never meant to do this to you and not a day goes by that i dont think of you. I miss seing you get sleepy in skype calls. I miss seeing your art before anyone else. I miss tagging you in our 'lizzie team' posts. I miss our inside jokes, and i still remember them.

I hope yoire thriving, and I hope yoire doing well, and that youve met friends who love and appreciate you like i should have. I feel like i didnt deserve yoir friendship and maybe i sabotaged it. Idk. Im not excusing myself, i just wish i could explain it. It was nothing you did, i promise. Im sorry for abandoning yoi, and im sorry the only way i can say this is by sending an anon to a blog that youll probably never even see

I love you, always will. Thank you for everything you did. Im not asking you to forgive me. I just need to say it, I'm sorry.

.

#long post

[unproduciblesmackdown]

furthermore it’s something that quant kid 2 was supposedly written as “guy who sucks who we never see again” (which, underwhelming execution of that lmao even hypothetically just on paper) & then there’s will roland’s interpretation, with will never really mentioning like yeah i decided to try to put a spin on it, or anyone else really providing more specifics rather than they Liked his live & in person je ne sais quoi & acted performance. and idk, just said Je Ne Sais Quoi & the presumed approach of Acting In Earnest rather than that the character being a joke is something that the actor is inviting the audience in on. acting like “this is how it’d be if this was a person.” no character has Real internality the way a real person does but we can interpret it As If They Did anyways, a whole conceit of art imitating life imitating art and narratives / stories / media as an interpretation of life experiences / realities....winston’s autistic. writers doing caricatures of autistic people they’ve unknowingly encountered, with the assumption in life carried over to the assumption as a creator of fictionalized versions of Guys Like That which is that well i guess those weird nerd mathy computer guys are grating losers who annoy us b/c they do that on purpose, like an asshole. and they’re like really good at some specific thing sometimes, but actually that’s Sad even if it’s useful, so it’s also just kind of annoying & wrong of them. done. winston’s autistic, and that also autistic people hardly always know they’re autistic and everything can be a blend of “idk, this isn’t how it is for everyone?” and “i guess things must be my fault on account of being a guy who sucks b/c of whatever’s wrong with me & all” like, for winston to work with taylor he has to say “yeah i suck” before he gets to again mention he’s super good as his shit though, which is apparently also something that sucks of him. ok. it will never be more decipherable, except that it’s indecipherable in the very same way Being Autistic Irl is lmfao. he’s autistic. he’s also autistic b/c a) i think he is, and b) does anyone care otherwise. like who would even truly give a shit about their “winston is some guy i think. idk” interpretion enough to argue for it. or even “yeah winston is some guy who is like a cringe loser to me, idc” like is it important to you. thinking about winston as [autistic character] and secret cassandra (general secret weapon in other ways) for it as well is like, idfk, the alternative is just what most people surely do which is taking the face value “jokes boy who gets dunked on” context and not a step further. okay. i hope to god this is all rhetorical like, if anyone Is out there like “i’ll join this conversation and devil’s advocate about why it’s important for winston to be allistic” it’s like, first of all, already for that b/c the counterarguments to the counterargument are beyond [well ig at the end of the day it’s just all our interpretations =) lol like yeah no shit. anyways] include stuff again like how ppl can be autistic without even their themselves knowing it and the fact of like, irl you don’t need to go “oh it’s okay for people to do [xyz] if they’re autistic =)” like it’s way most likely to be okay whether they’re autistic or not and certainly whether you Know it or not. like, i’m monologuing out here. idc abt any other opinions lmfao like hello?? mine are more than good enough

anyways like the only discussions possible like hmm david levien maybe i have some questions but if you don’t have good answers i’ll just throw it out, idc, i wouldn’t necessarily say i trust this writing or any of you involved in it half as far as i can throw it, just inquiries for fun. i’d discuss it with will roland’s mother, or him himself. like here you can also be given [honorarily autistic] by me if you want at this rate. anyhow send post. i can’t say [winston billions autistic character] enough

#as already sprawling as this is i excised plenty to Only be saying [overly long paragraph] [brief like somewhat related conclusion that's #also just kind of an addendum] #i can't say it enough b/c i'm just rotating it in my mind always. the default funny little guy. accidental autistic character of all time #completely took out stuff about [more arguments about why i also think it's Not objectively epic & correct that ppl give him shit always] #which like yeah sure no guarantee the show thinks so either but they're sure having it both ways in the meantime. to the inherent greater #validation / support for the ''no yeah it's epic & correct & he brings it upon himself'' argument really #marinating on it all last night i had like a mental powerpoint w/a slide ft ''wow these are the same to me'' antifascism diagram lol #would say they're tangents but eh not even. it's relevant but sprawling but here's me just getting some of it out w/the usual #the usual being: posting ''winston billions autistic character like. omg'' #winston billions

[dissociativecrow]

🐝 for the ask game u made: idk what u've already answered so this is a free pass for u to pick one question u'd like :3c

Okay fine I'm gonna answer the Hard Ones >:3

What do you guys usually fight about, if anything?

The better question would be "what do you guys not fight about?" and even then, I can't think of a single thing rn. We fight over life goals. Morals. Friendships/relationships in general. Worldviews. Religion and politics. Everything that's important to a person, we're torn on, and it kind of really sucks. We've gotten better at respecting each others' differences and trying to make compromises, but it still does really blow that there's no way to make every headmate happy, someone always gets the short end of the stick.

We're like, kind of very jealous of systems who only argue about like, what music to put on or what clothes they wanna wear that day. We don't argue too much about stuff like that since I'm fronting 99% of the time, but we've gotten into vicious fights about the deeper stuff.

32. How has your system changed over time? 

We've changed a lot. I haven't been the host our whole life. The other hosts were similar enough to me that no one really Notices how much we've changed, but from my vantage point? I can't relate to anything about our past. I know it happened, but it doesn't feel like it happened to me. In my mind, I've always had supportive, reasonable parents. There were no horrors in "my" childhood or adolescence because I can't connect to those parts of "my" life at all.

It's hard for me to even relate to old interests, like paleontology and speculative evolution and stuff. I still like those things, but I can't recover any substantial knowledge about them. I - or whoever I used to be - used to spend hours obsessing over that stuff, reading papers and books and listening to podcasts, absorbing information like a sponge. But I just like, can't access that info anymore. Or care about it beyond mild, passing interest.

It kind of feels like the old host just, burnt out and was slowly replaced by me sometime in 2020. I changed my name from Kaden to [redacted] a year prior, around the time I started co-hosting, but should it feel like your old name was a totally separate person? And I don't think this is the first time it's happened, either - I'm pretty sure whoever was hosting in early high school went dormant after our first psychotic break.

It feels like my life has just been a series of Dr. Who regenerations. Some core aspects of the host identity remain the same - namely gender and love for animals and art, but everything else changes.

The system itself has changed a lot, too. Before we knew about system terminology, it was like, two versions of the old host, G, Damien's subsystem, Beck, and maybe one or two others. When we first learned about shit, our numbers exploded into the 40s. And then dwindled down to around 10 after a lot of therapy and stabilization. Now it's just me and a small handful of others who are still even a little active.

#wow this was long #sorry lol #ask meme

[submergingartist666]

if you say something stupid, people should let you know

oh man you ever read a review and think to yourself “haha oh shit that was fucked up that’s a fucked up thing to say”

or even just “shit dude i don’t think you picked up at all what the artist was trying to put down and while your god awful experience is, like, so valid it doesn’t seem like you even tried to understand what happened or why …

and i don’t think it’s constructive to call an actor’s performance annoying … also ur writing just kinda sucks”

but the thing is you can’t stop them, you know? and there’s nothing i can say about how to be a better critic that hasn’t already been said, so i think if you say something stupid, people should let you know.

anyone. fellow critics, artists, you, dear reader.

i mean sure, critics have a responsibility to respect the artists we’re talking about while staying honest but we also have a responsibility to the way they’re being talked about by each other, right? think about it– the relationships critics have with artists– should they not extend past the interactions we have with them? should we not publicly address and comment on what our peers have publicly said about a public piece of art in our own reviews?

this is not about disagreement or taste because i hate most of what i see but clarity I think maybe also (for lack of better words) community? which is such a bleh word to use these days but i kinda like the idea of reviews becoming referential of a review interacting with ideas in other reviews of the same something different people experienced.

instead, we hide behind third person and we hide behind formality and authority and we think artistic dialogue only starts when we initiate it so we HAVE to have the answers, right? otherwise why the fuck would anyone want to hear from us? bc we’re smart cool sexy funny and kind? NO. bc we know what the FUCK we’re talking about (i have a BAH, mf)!

but sometimes we don’t know what the fuck we’re talking about, which is chill because you can’t always know what the fuck you’re talking about, and we should be ok with people letting us know especially if they can tell us why.

it would be, like, so hot If i saw a review that was like, “yo i saw this show and i loved the way they did this thing and this is what it made me think of, but that wasn’t this person’s experience [hyperlinked post], no they had the complete opposite time and hated it, but i see how that influenced their interpretation of the rest of the show. however, they didn’t pick up on some crucial elements (for whatever reason) that would’ve provided the necessary context for them to continue engaging meaningfully which may speak to a lapse in communication (which is a valid critique) and not an absolute failure of the artist as they’re saying.” or–

–idk i just think it’ll get really boring if we only ever do our critic thing individually bc we’re all kind of screaming into the void hoping our opinions get more attention than the next and right now, that overwhelming sense of competition and legitimacy is turning people off from collaborative, critical engagement.

could be kind of fun if we collectively decided to extend post-show lobby chats and talkbacks and conversations over drinks to somewhere like twitter or reddit a place where people can casually share their interpretations and cultural references like we do with television and books and movies, you know?

critics need ~community~ too.

or maybe we don’t maybe i’m talking out of my ass and if i am maybe you should let me know why :)

#theatre #criticism #theatre criticism #op ed #cultural criticism #arts criticism #general

[runrunkittykittyrunrun]

Hi jsjs idk if anyone gonna see this but I wanna get this out and maybe someone can give an opinion or sm.

So... I'm a law student, and this is my senior year, I'm not gonna lie hshs I like what I'm doing I genuinely enjoy it so much, but you know at this point I have a "reputation" among teachers and classmates and my friends.

We have some trials practices and neither of my friends wanted to go against me bc they said I get too "excited" and they know they could lose. My uncle told me that was a big complement and I just let be.

At the end I decided to ask a person outside of my circle to do the practice with me and they said ok but this person didn't show up that day and everybody had they partners already so the teacher (who is one of the most intelligent people I've ever met) told me to go against him (obviously I lose the case but my friends congrats me bc I was brave enough to go against the teacher)

Then I have this subject where we see author rights and stuff like that and I loveeeeeeeeee it bc I love music and books and movies and art and I'm pretty happy with the subject and the way the teacher gives his class and stuff but my friend they really hate the class and I mean, obviously if you dont understand the class you might hate it, but suddenly they are said things about how "I only like the class bc I like the teacher" or how I ask so many questions to it teacher (the teacher isn't a lawyer) and how I asked to many questions and he probably didn't have an idea of what I'm talking about. AMD that kinda make me feel bad bc I'm just curious and this is the only chance to ask about the things i love and now I'm like restricted myself to ask to many questions bc i dont wanna bother the teacher.

And today we have another class and the teacher ask us to do a quick conciliation session and I was the attorney of one part and the teacher the another and one of my friends took a picture of me and the teacher and they sending it to our chat group and add sm like "and here is she always fighting" and another friend replied with "shes really giving something to talk to the teachers"

I mean, I tried not to take this in a bad way (?) But to be honest at this point I'm feeling insecure about my behavior towards the teacher bc they all talk nice to me and we have good conversations outside the classroom, I even have some of them on my social media like fb even ig!

I'm just really curious sometimes and I ask so many questions bc for some reason people think I'm pretty smart but I'm not HAHAHA

I don't know if I'm overreacting (?) Or thinking to hard, but yeah, this December (I hope so) I'm gonna graduated from college and I dont wanna to just let it be (?) I really wanna learn things :c but yeah this feeling sucks hshshs

#personal #lawyer #student #i wann cry tbh #feeling insecure #sucks hshshs

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

hey um this is a real fucking vent of a post maybe dont read if ur triggered easily by family/abuse stuff. I just had to get it out im sry. its not too coherent

I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him. my dad. one second we're having a normal conversation about art. then he's screaming at me to shut the fuck up, swearing at me, telling me how behind everyone else my age I am, telling me that I DON'T deserve respect or to be treated like a human, mock-bowing to me while laughing at me and saying that I think I'm sooooo important "like some kind of fucking princess" bc I said I don't deserve to be treated like I'm not human. yelling at me over and over to "shut my fucking mouth", saying that this is why I have no friends, why I lose every friendship I care about, and that he can throw me out right now if I keep "pushing it" and he won't care and there's nothing I can do about it. that I don't have real friends and can't name them. that I'm only acting how I am because I'm "on my period and a bit wacky".

....what sparked this? I said I wash underwear in hot water after I buy it, and that it didn't matter if that was "logical" or not bc I only buy new undies once every year or two. that's what sparked this whole thing. that and me saying "How dare you.I don't deserve to be treated this way." when he blew up. ...literally just yesterday he was saying how he's so proud of me and loves me. not even 24 hours ago he was saying that he could see how hard I'm working and that he understands if I need a break because I'm doing so well. ten MINUTES AGO we were talking about art, looking at the bedsheet I'd ordered and he was complimenting my choices and saying he'd put me in charge of buying new sheets for the household soon. TEN MINUTES AGO. what HAPPENED.

...and I know he'll just go back to loving & respecting me after (insert length of time here) when he feels like it, and until then I'll be excluded from all family interactions, treated like a literal threat and monster at all times, called "my abuser" instead of "my daughter", and forced to hide. ...and then I'll be his Amazing Smart Hardworking Daughter again, unless I bring ANY of this up in which case it will go from Bad to Worst and I am now "THE abuser". this is how it goes. this is how it's gone for a decade. why do I always forget this part when things are good. Even if I write it down or record it (THAT WAS A BAD IDEA HE GOT SO PISSED) it feels...fake??? like it just doesn't exist. I am fully aware that this is gaslighting.

I am fully aware that he does this and simultaneously presents himself to the community as an example of RECOVERY from abuse and has CONSIDERED BECOMING A THERAPIST. I don't have shit on him bc I have nowhere else to go, and I'm not in physical danger. staying here until I can get into college and/or get a job IS my best bet, bc while this is traumatic and unpredictable he's fully all bark, no bite. the majority-ish of the time, things are good. He does house and support me despite having just lost his job (though I'm paying for a lot of the groceries- no job here either), and he's actually been really amazing & supportive this year in general... except when he does This.

and GOD does This suck

one day I'll figure out how to stealth-record on my phone... idk why. when things are Bad Like This i want some record to release to our community once I get independent, and blow this lie out of the water. Ik it's ungrateful but like... what the fuck dude

I'm really thankful for what he's doing for me

but what the fuck dude

why

it's going to mean NOTHING in a few hours/days. he's obviously letting out some internal thing that he has no idea how to channel appropriately and nobody else he can aim it at who wont fight back (except my little brother, who has never done anything wrong ever in his life and is ALWAYS dad's "son") (and the dog, who he sometimes threatens to scare until she pees if she's barking like a lunatic at the pizza guy or someone, but he's mostly-joking/ never actually does it because she's "the best dog in the world") (...I'm treated less human then the dog)

but its just so mean

(also obviously if i even raise my voice/tone a TINY BIT at him, or say a word in a way that he percieves as mildy passive-aggresive, that's a trigger for things to go from Good to Bad unless I immediately literally grovel.

...if you want to uhhhh please send funny videos, art DIYS, animals, mythology, the worst most cursed music and/or mashups you know. I could rly use it rn. just rec me something. anything. (not fanfic tho- I'm currently writing my college application essay on fandom's role in modern folklore, so for once I Do Not Want To Hear/Read Any More About It)

#no shade on my little bro #he's 18 now and sometimes I wish he'd stand up for me but he's a great kid #wouldnt wish dad's crap on him anyway #we have nothing in common and no sibling relationship. he kind of has the personality of a saltine cracker dipped in monster energy #but he's a damn good guitarist and a good person #no shade on my puppy either #she is the best dog in the world (in the way that most owners say their dogs are) #though she is a little thief with bad breath who climbs the counter like a climbing wall to steal unattended breakfasts(affectionate) #STRAIGHT UP NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME #shit like this is why im deancoded/srs #me: yesterday was perfect. i never have good days omg??? this is definitely going to turn awful when the other shoe drops #today: the other shoe has dropped and it's only 6:30 am #tw toxic family #tw verbal abuse #rant #vent #tw family abuse #tw abuse #tw toxic parents #longpost #tw ableism #bitch WHY???? #fairly literal crytyping

[summersareknives]

ess! <3

last night i went stargazing to see that comet that hasnt been visible since 50,000 years ago and it was pretty cool. the moon was out & i saw sirius too so i took a pic of them together #wolfstar5EVERRR

ur so right james would absolutely use duolingo to learn french for reg. that man is WHIPPED hed do anything for him.

tay time! you belong with me, style, & london boy <3

chat chat!

timmy and flo my absolutely beloveds. i think id probably watch anything theyre in (except maybe dont worry darling, even if it feels like a "movie". idk maybe its hilarious.)

tourists piss me off SO much sometimes. especially when theyre taking pictures of random shit like. clouds or trees. girl you dont have clouds or trees where you live???

i think a lot of cats are predisposed to be heinous bitches tbh. i can always count on my cats to be blunt when i need them to be <3

and wait blaise/luna.... i kinda love this too. adding those fics to my tbr, ty <3 i have another fic rec, lessen my load by moonymoment (wolfstar muggle au, remus finds sirius having a breakdown in a laundromat cause he put a red glove in his white wash)

if u do end up trying out the incest chronicles, giving u a fair warning that the first books are like so cringey. they were written in 2007-onwards and u can definitely tell. theyre def not for everybody but the prequel/sequel series are SO good. but godspeed anyways.

ben barnes in podg is SO sirius idk what it is abt him hes great. when people use his scenes in edits with sirius i eat it up every damn time.

handing in ur paper 8 mins before its due? u know what, u deserve a drink for that. drunk procrastinators never miss fr.

and yes im very excited to read that whenever u get around to writing it! no pressure ofc take your time <3

and damn ROYAL butter? okay i understand now. 4 tubs is very fair. and TOBLERONE on god is one of my fav chocolates. second maybe to terrys chocolate oranges imo.

dancing in the kitchen to jazz does sound super peaceful. sometimes moments like that feel like theyre straight out of a cute little movie and it makes life feel a little happier <3

please try poutine. its so good. and ur right jello salad is a crime. feels like a hate crime tbh.

colourful cars will always have my heart fr. leaving a tip after being driven around is a good idea maybe i should start doing that.

ill let u know when ive started the apprentice, im excited to see the hyde guy now. and kim kardashian lady too.

platonic soulmates>>> i think we lucked out with our best friends. lu walking through the rain for ur turnover? i love that sm. ur right L names do have some spice in them.

and yay geoguessr! i was shit at first too. but i got sucked in and like studied license plates and fucking road lines and signs so id be good. it aint much but its honest work. (i graciously thank u for the apple turnover. ur too kind)

i hope i dont have a gay realisation superpower. thats like having anti rizz. everyone whos liked me turning out to be gay? like yes im glad i could help but. as long as my soulmate likes me ig.

i love ur james fc sm. i love that theres so many different james fcs too like hes just everywhere <3 andrew & ben will always be remus & sirius but at the same time, they still dont look quite like how i imagine them to be. i think likeafunerall's art is as close as anything has ever gotten to them so ig theyre just too pretty in my mind for a real human to look even close to them. good for them.

and HUGH! hugh and lil timmy tim are like the only PERFECT fcs in my mind. everyone else has some wiggle room but not evan and reg. theyre just perfect.

ur so lucky to be a gryffindor. how does it feel to live my dream??

orpheus & eurydice </3 "if u must die, let love be the reason why" ARE U TRYING TO KILL ME?????? ill never get over them ever.

tbh i think soldiers are cool af. i saw a tiktok that said sirius would be the soldier (remus = poet, james = king) so thats also cool .

and no way u were listening to work song . i listened to that like 10 mins ago. hozier my beloved <3

athena kids are cool as hell. like go off smartypants! but yes raising the dead sounds cool too. idk what id use that power for cause i definitely dont need an undead army to fight for me so. maybe i can use it to talk to like. julius caesar or something.

tay NEVER MISSES!!!

and yes bowie for LIFE. also knee socks>>>> love that song sm. AM changed my life too. HS1 def altered my brain chemicals too (i got to see him in concert. it changed my life fr)

erudite !!!! <3

and yes its barbaric as fuck. if ive learned anything from studying ancient history its that humans have always been fucked up. so thats always nice.

silver jewellry is so cool . goes so well with my black leather jacket & docs cause im nothing if not channelling sirius black energy into my appearance at all times <3 u loving gold cause its expensive is so real. like yes its bougie as hell. and? also v gryffindor of u. cause its gold. u just need to wear red and ur set.

ur right tay does have that range. still love lana but she just has an overall darker tone which isnt always the vibe. miss taylor never misses.

LISTEN IM SORRY!!!! I LOVE CRUEL SUMMER SM. theyre both completely tied for me but i was just in a dont blame me kinda mood ig.

and yes the great war is very much a cr song. theres a chapter named the great war so its just a lot. so heartbreaking but SO beautiful. but my tears ricochet <3 like u know what taylor, ur right. i DIDNT have it in myself to go with grace.

lilac candles <3 theyre so nice. and yes. it did smell like piss. not sure what i expected tbh. but yeah

slow walkers are the worst and i agree people blocking hallways????? so annoying. especially when they walk slowly in these big groups that span the width of the hall and theyre too busy talking to notice EVERYONE trying to get by. UGHHH

having 2 middle names is so cool i wish i had 2 tbh.

on GOD that hc kills me. every time i watch poa i think of it and i get so sad.

i love winter sm too. personally im an autumn girly but winter is a close second. i love the festiveness sm <3

i loved chemistry too. yes i did drop it for bio cause im shit at math and bio has less numbers but idc it was still fun. and we do NOT talk about physics i hate that subject with my whole heart.

id pick hogwarts too honestly. i just wanna be magic u know.

and a coin collector thats so cool. i love unique coins sm. we had some here in canada a while ago that had the northern lights on them and GLOWED IN THE DARK (pic here)!! they were so cool i think i still have a few.

cardigan has my heart. but i think if i had to pick id choose mirrorball BUT only because i personally relate to it more. cardigan will forever be more heartbreaking and ofc, i cant listen to it without thinking abt wolfstar so.

a fellow erudite! we're superior for sure i just know it.

unicorn is such a good choice. theyre so cool and being able to grant wishes would be so fun. i think id choose a phoenix cause theyre fiery and cant die. also cause i change my appearance all the time so in a way its like a phoenix rising from the ashes all funky and brand new.

the vibes in the 50s was so cool i agree (minus the racism sexism and homophobia fuck that shit!!!!) . all i want in life is to go to a cute little 50s diner and drink milkshakes and listen to 50s music. i would love to go to ancient rome or greece but purely for the vibes and aesthetic tbh. id hate to go there cause im a woman and women werent generally considered people in the greek world </3 especially ancient athens, women were discouraged from leaving the house & if they did they had to cover their entire body head to toe. (to preserve their dignity and whatnot). i personally like a little more freedom than that so, no thanks <3

ur ideal first date>>>> literally perfect ideas. ESPECIALLY the bookstore i just love the idea of a cute lil bookstore date. & of course just walking and talking i feel like is so necessary to get to know someone yk?

being rejected from netball and taking it as a personal attack i feel u so hard. id be pissed if that happened to me.

and game night! monopoly game night sounds so fun. i actually cant play monopoly anymore cause i get so competitive and it makes me mad and it pisses everyone off LOL so ive been banned. i do love me some chess though.

art <3 omg have fun on saturday that sounds awesome. the closest art gallery to me is pretty lame most of the time which sucks cause i only get to see cool art when i travel which isnt a whole lot lmfao. cafe terrace at night is such a gorgeous work of art. i love van gogh sm. my mom is actually a painter and van gogh is her fav artist so she paints van gogh recreations its pretty cool.

answering qs!~

ideal first date: either art gallery or museum. there is nothing in this world i love more than art and history and humanity so being able to see it with someone i like & being able to infodump random fun facts about history would be the dream. ofc we have to stop at a bookstore (ideally we pick out books for each other cause i love that idea its so cute) and stargazing. i love the stories behind the constellations so its always fun to talk abt them.

rep vs lover: i think lover. its just so good and the vibes are astronomical. dont get me wrong i adore rep too but i think rep is better for when im feeling vengeful <3

hozier vs am: god this is so hard but i think im gonna have to say hozier. hes just such an incredible songwriter and his music i swear i can feel it in my BONES its so visceral. his lyrics rip me apart too theyre just so good.

i dont play sports. in general i hate sports and physical activity (except i do on occasion fuck up a game of badminton) i used to be a dancer and gymnast but that was a long time ago. i did a bit of volleyball when i was like. 11? 12? but i hated it.

fav board game: prob settlers of catan! idk what it is about it but i love that game. i love chess too but i get too competitive sometimes so.

take me to church vs work song: work song. "no grave can hold my body down, ill crawl home to her" ARE U KIDDING???? such a perfect song. i love tmtc so very much too. "i was born sick" hits different when ur a closeted little kid whos figuring life out

fav season: autumn forever. i just love the vibes and the temperature is usually perfect, not too hot not too cold. cozying up with a sweater and tea and a book is all i need. ofc winter is a close second cause christmastime.

fav food: probably pasta. my dad is from italy so i eat a lot of pasta. bolognese, chicken cacciatore, & penne alla vodka are personal favourites & my comfort foods.

fav marauder hc: i have a few random ones i love, like that james sings really loudly in the shower, that sirius was left handed (bc im left handed and i say so), also that regulus would be a black cat if he was an animagus. hes just got sm little black cat energy i love him. also lily being a night owl & james being an early bird, lily getting annoyed cause james is TOO happy in the early morning and shes just done w him.

one ship i hate: i HATED dorcas/peter in atyd. i know it was written way before dorlene got really popular but it was still such a jumpscare to read. also i know a lot of people seem to like them but regulus/remus?? personally no thanks. i can see why theyd be cute but sirius is the ONLY one for remus imo. i much prefer regulus and remus to be besties and talk shit ab sirius together cause they love him <3

patronus: ive done the test a few times and ive gotten rattlesnake, grey owl, & raven. personally i wouldve loved a cat but sadly no

favourite piece of art: ive got a few actually ( i love art sm.) loch lomond by gustave dore, wheat field with cypresses by van gogh, and hygieia by gustav klimt❤️

ginny or luna: luna. i love ginny SM but luna was my fav character as a kid so she has my heart. i also have her wand so its only fair i pick her <3

favourite restaurant: probably this one thats out in the city, theyve got the BEST gyoza ive ever had in my life. and they make good martinis so. but you cant go wrong with mcdonalds late at night when u need something greasy. also dairy queen (do u have those in the uk? i feel like theyre just in north america) has some good ass ice cream sundaes.

fav beverage: i love coffee, iced coffee to be specific. root beer and cream soda too. red sangrias and espresso martinis are top tier too.

qs for u!

whats one song ur convinced was written abt u?

patronus?

if u could only listen to 1 song for the rest of ur life, which song would u pick?

if u could have a superpower, which one would u want?

messy or organized?

favourite candy/chocolate/sweet?

if u could meet one dead historical figure, who would u choose?

take me to church vs work song.

whats your go-to hype songs when ur getting ready/going out?

fav type of weather?

fav thing youve ever dressed up as for halloween?

thats all for now! till next time <3

-bee

bee hi ! I thought you'd abandoned me , and I'm so glad you're back , I missed you !!!

OH MY GOD ??? you were star/comet gazing ??? that's so cool and so sirius of u !!! (also yes , take the photo , even the universe ships them, wolfstar 5ever.)

YES !!!! get u a man who learns French like James Potter would for regulus black !!! he is amazing , stellar , the one , the only , there is no one like him.

tay tay time !!! -

you belong with me - JEGULUS - I can see it as wolf star too , but I'll give it to regulus. like an au where reg and sirius and James were all best friends , and reg had a little crush on mr James the jock , but him having a gf , and regulus being all 'you belong with me' THEM

style- JILY- this could go for literally so many ships. like wolfstar , jily, anything. I chose jily , simply because i feel that just like the hook , james and lily never go out of style. and also lily would ask him about reg , and he would tell her the whole truth & nothing but the truth. in a muggle au i totally see them as on and off and on and off until they’re finally on again and this time it sticks forever.

london boy - WOLFSTAR - listen , I know remus is welsh (or half , at least) so I think of him meeting sirius in an au in some au , and being all 'DIMPLE' 'ACCENT' 'GOD I LOVE THE ENGLISH' (au/oneshot idea??) 'in the pub watching rugby with his school friends ??? yes yes yes , them them them !!! so them , I could cry !!!

chatting time <333

I too would watch anything and everything. save dwd , its reviews are terrible and I cba to check for myself.

'girl you don't have clouds or trees where you live ?' HOWLING THIS IS SO FUNNY. and true , honestly. what's so English and special about our clouds and trees?? if u show someone back home will they go 'ahh yess , this is an English cloud , native to the England !'

cats just tell it like it is. it's just the truth. cats for the win , I love cats u love cats we all do. we are humans and they're gods.

ik ik blaise/luna is a funny little side pairing and I love them they're actually so cute!!! (the fics are dhr and drarry so do take care of that !! but they're there. I love the little hints.)

LESSON MY LOAD OH MY GOD !!!! ON MY LIST , DOWNLOADED. (I love the sound of it. very interesting. I would also cry because of a red sock. I WOULD SUE. SUE.)

cringey series. hmm. I think I'll take a crack. I've braved through wattpad , I can brave through this too. I am a soldier after all.

IT'S THE SMILE I'M TELLING YOU IT'S THE SMILE. SOMETHING ABOUT HIM ,,, IT'S JUST SIRIUS.

drunk procrastinators forever !! (me because I have an exam in 45 minutes and I'm writing this rn instead of doing last minute revision ! but at least Lu's coming to pick me up !!!!! drivers r so good for ur health.)

I'm excited to write it. but I must get ahead with my writing of doa and sito. I'M SO EXCITED. it shall hurt ! it is fake/secret dating ! it is the bet trope !

IT'S ROYAL BUTTER INDEED. I have no idea why I felt the need to do that. but we shall march on and ignore the royal butter in the fridge.terry's chocolate oranges stay winning though >>> (did u see that video of the American/australian BITING into one ?? I almost cried like what the fuck u bitch u should be banned from Europe for this crime) TOBLERONE. MY DRUNK ARSE WANTED TOBLERONE. so does my sober arse though. so fair. fair. I see u drunk me. I see u.

it's so peaceful. straight out of the movie . (especially because it was raining too) and he was laughing whenever I stepped on him , and it was so sweet and ahhhhh !! try it , 'tis a remedy for all the types of pain ever !!! get u a best friend (liz would do it maybe ?) and dance. just dance , quite literally !!!!

jello salad is a hate crime. war crime. whoever created it should go to hell. with the salad. (I WILL BE TRYING POUTINE. IT SOUNDS SO GOOD OMG.)

colourful cars >>>> (remember to only do one cent. after all , they should be happy to have you in their car. really , you're doing them the favour.)

yes!!! lmk !!! I must know your opinions on them !!!

I keep getting like 3.2 km away from the actual answer and it's so annoying. like I'm sorry I guessed Ithaca and not buttfuck , usa.

WE DID LUCK OUT WE DID. they're actually the best people ever. no one will ever be better than them.(though , they lucked out too.) L NAMES 5EVER. LU AND LIZ 5EVER ACTUALLY !!!!!

LMFAO NOT THE ANTI-RIZZ.ur soulmate will like u !! I know they will !! and u have liz for now !! let's vibe and be drunk with our L best friends !! romantic love will come in its own time :))))) (also for me when I liked Victoria , it was me being like 'is she gay/queer/likes women ??? and then it was like - she did. but I found that out because she had a girlfriend. and she's kind of a bitch now that I don't like her. I hope she fails her exams , damn.)

omg likeafuneralls art is fucking magical !! I worship the art so much. I was actually thinking of printing them out and sticking them up on my wall !!!! and yes , so many James fcs !!! (my James is my personal favourite , but I'm biased) I adore all of them !!! (and omg I so get not having an fc too !! they're just ethereal .... no human will ever be good enough for them.)

HUGH AND TIMMY TIM TIM >>>>>>>>>> (I love them sm sm they r my heart. did u see the Apple TV ad where Timmy sees Gary Oldman ?? look it up you'll get what I mean.)

DUDE ME NEITHER. WE CAN BE SAD OVER THEM TOGETHER !!!!!! ( I was secretly trying to kill you, u figured out my plan !!!)

DID YOU SEE LIKEAFUNERALL’S ART OF THIS EXACT SITUATION?????? IT’S SO GOOD (she has soldier sirius , poet remus & king james)

WORK SONG MAKES ME CRY A LOT. "no grave can hold my body down , I'll crawl home to her" has been engraved into my brain. ENGRAVED I TELL U.

if u talk to caesar ask him how he felt before he died. was it like a Jesus style betrayal??? like did he at least get a little kiss before ??

tay I love tay tay changed my LIFE.

BOWIE BOWIE (STARMAN STARTS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND) knee sock was so funny because when it started playing yesterday , I was wearing my knee socks under my t-shirt dress , and lu was wearing his sky blue Lacoste ??? like Alex turner was watching us fr fr.

here's my concert story - my best friend went to the 1975 concert. and he went , and he came back , and he said 'Matty had a special guest on tonight' and I was like 'who' and then he whipped out a tissue and gave it to me and was like 'Taylor' I SOBBED. SOBBED. (also will harry ever stop touring??? is he not tired??? and also I'm pretty mad at him for the 'never leave America' thing. bitch forgot where he came from.)

eruditessssss!!!

at least we're a different kind of fucked up now though ! that's good !

u r so very sirius. I dress in red and gold a lot , actually?? but I have a lot of colours. rn I'm in white and green !!! I love gold jewellery with all my heart it just hits different for me <33333

u better love cruel summer. but I SO GET BEING IN A dbm mood , because that's so real. poison ivyyyyy now I'm your daisyyyyyy.

bro now I'm scared. now my timbers have been shivered. (I'm on chapter two still for reference.) I LOVE LOVE LOVE . (and I heard them stolen lullabies all right)

gonna go buy one from the big Tesco 2nite , now you've convinced me. (Rome , the great city. of piss. and gladiators. but mostly piss.)

HALL BLOCKERS WILL GO TO HELL knock them bitches over like do u even know how many times I've been late because of them ??? little bastards.

two middle names is kinda fun actually. I can go by them if I won't (I don't want) and I just have more names in my name , yk?? ( one middle name is ALSO cool btw. )

it makes me cry a lil. (professor lupin???? no , uncle moony !!!!)

winter for me , because in England , even when it's summer , it's winter !!! (also thank u for calling it autumn , not fall.) BUT I LOVE AUTUMN TOO , PUMPKIN LATTES ARE STELLAR !!!

I have my chemistry exam tomorrow !! and I do bio too unfortunately. (I have the bio exam today. I feel queasy. ) BUT YEAH FUCK PHYSICS FUCK NEWTON FUCK ELECTRICITY !!!!!

I so get u bee , I too just wanna be magic.

eruditessssss!!! erudite erudite erudite !!!!

I love coins omg. I want them all. I'm on the lookout for the paddington one , and I feel it in the air. I think I'm very close to it. (also glow in the dark ??? that's so cool???)

nah , I get relating to a song so hard. I too relate to songs. ( u relating to mirrorball is so fucking real of u. so real.)

YES PHOENIX !!!! AND U CAN HEAL BASILISK TEARS TOO , DON'T FORGET !!!!! (unicorns>>>>)

I know , if not for the racism and other shit , I'd so visit the '50s. honestly , the old-times vibes and the dinners and just- ahhhhh. (damn misogyny is everywhere.that fucking sucks I hate that sm)

I KNOW I KNOW. the bookstore thing is so so so cool for me. (closest I've ever come is the grocery store at night with lu , but also we were drunk and also we bought so so so many things) and yes!! just chatting and laughing and having fun and - being , yk???

I did take it hard. I took it so hard. (I scored , but I still didn't get in?? well bitch damn I hope u lose every single game !!)

getting competitive with monopoly is something different (I've stolen some money before , and now I'm not allowed to be the banker !! so that sucks.) I'm going to learn chess one day. I will. I want to play. I shall learn it.

OMG SISGDLIWQHVDJLWQVCBX your mom sounds so cool???? Van Gogh recreations ??? I salute her she sounds fucking amazing (cafe terrace at night is just it for me. I love it. I even have a notebook with it on the front !!!)

---- I'm taking a break from answering because I have to go do a fuckin exam now give me a second ----

back now lmfao totally fucking flunked fuck biology & fuck life , but at least my arse is being warmed and i’m listening to taylor. (i think i’m being driven to the bakery. i think. he won’t say anything. but we’re not going home for sure.)

YOUR MOM JUST GETS IT FR FR. van gogh is my favourite artist too , so she understands. he a tortured soul me a tortured soul. done & dusted.

reviewing your q’s

OMG THAT’S SO CUTE ????? I’M IN TEARS ????? that’s so romantic omg i hope u get that one day i really really do.(feel free to info dump on me anytime.) AND YESSSS ART AND HISTORY AND HUMANITY STAY WINNING ALWAYS (my favourite art museum is tate and fave history one is the natural history museum in central london i love it so so much.) AHHH OMG PICKING OUT BOOKS FOR EACH OTHER ??? (and annotating them and talking about them and showing each other and oh my god romance romance 💘) I LOVE CONSTELLATIONS TOO. as an ex-astronomy student , i understand the stories and fucking love info-dumping about them. (lu has been the unfortunate victim of most of this dumping.)

rep for when you are in ur rep era is so real. I need that album for killing and revenge and shit. lover is the vibe i want my life to feel like , so i’d pick lover too.

HOZIER IS IN MY BONES. I TOO WANT TO CRAWL OUT OF MY GRAVE. I TOO WANT TO WORSHIP AT SOMEONE’S SHRINE. I TOO WANT TO BE THE ANGEL OF SMALL DEATH AND THE CODEINE SCENE!!!!!! hozier > am (i love am too though don’t get me wrong they’re bae<333)

i hate physical activity too , mate. . I LIKE BADMINTON TOO SOMETIMES THAT SHUTTLECOCK IS FUN TO BAT AROUND. (only sometimes.) all i shall do is watch lu do his sports. i shall do nothing else. (hating sports is so valid of us !!!)

take me to church hits different but work song >>> no grave can hold my body down FUVKING CHANGED MY LIFE. i will rise from the dead for my other half when i die.

u described it so right , autumn is like that. just right. very remus of you , methinks. BUT CHRISTMAS FOR THE WIN , I’M SORRY !!!

ooh , an italian *does the hands* (sorry but you know i had to) you said a lot of pasta i will have to now eat. i will eat all of them. me , personally , my dad is portuguese a so i got a fucking range of food when i was a kid . like francesinha , bacalhau , caldo verde >>>> (sandwich , fish , soup in that order. all vv spicy.)

HE SO HAS THAT BLACK CAT ENERGY. regulus black is a black cat 2023 spread the word. as a shower singer , i vv much agree james would do that. oooh sirius is a left-hand. yk what i actually like that one . JILY AGENDA WHERE SHE’S THE SLEEPY ONE AND HE’S THE GET UP AND GO ONE <3333

I too do not much rate the dorcas/peter. it’s surprising now especially because of the dorlene and how i think they’re perfect for each other. so obviously , i don’t want them to get with anyone else . and reg/remus ??? that’s odd. i might be hoodwinked into reading a one-shot here & there but nothing more than that.

rattle snake , grey owl and raven ??? that’s a slytherin if i ever saw one. (also ravenclaw potential tbh.) and what a range of animals ??? fabulous.

I LOOKED AT THEM AND OH MY GOD THEY’RE SO GOOD ???? I LOVE THEM TOO NOW DAMN THEY’RE FABULOUS.

u have luna’s wand. i am very jealous rn. (love ginny but i agree with your decision to pick luna. i love her too much to pick anyone else.)

gyoza sounds so good. i could really go for some rn. (late night mcdonalds SMACKS.) and no we don’t have dairy queen in the uk. is that like an ice cream thing ?? sounds like that?? i want to try that now.

iced coffee >>>> AND OH MY GOD THERE’S THIS SODA AT THE CORNER SHOP ‘BARRS CREAM SODA’ I GET IT SO OFTEN IT’S MY FAVOURITE FIZZY DRINK EVER AHHHH. (i need 2 try sangria. i need to. ‘tis on my list.)

my q’s. -

this is me trying . there’s probably more that I can’t think of rn , but this is me trying. I am this is me trying. i used to be the one gifted kid who got rlly high scores without trying and now i have to do twice as much work for a fucking B. which is annoying. but yeah! ( I might tell u more if I remember them next time.)

black swan! i think that’s pretty cool actually !!!!

my tears ricochet. (or cruel summer) but if i had to choose , my tears ricochet. EVERY FUCKING TIME. ‘STOLEN LULLABIES OOOWIWOHOOO’

shapeshifting !! i think i’d love to shapeshift. it’d be so fun , i’m a snake , i’m a lion , i’m an old woman , i’m a muscle man. FUNNNN.

messy as fuck. 90% of the time my socks come back from the wash and at least one is missing at all times. fucking dk where they go man.

YOU HAVE UNLOCKED SOMETHING HERE.okay , terry’s chocolate orange & smarties. I fucking LOVE smarties (& toblerone of course , we mustn’t forget the Toblerone.) AND ALSO JAFFA CAKES. CANNOT CHOOSE ONE.

SHAKESPEARE. need 2 ask about the ‘fair youth’ and also about his wife & about his plays and ahhhh. i love his plays sm and i just really would love to meet him<333

work song. i love take me to church sm , but work song . why??? “NO GRAVE CAN HOLD MY BODY DOWN , I’LL CRAWL HOME TO HER.”

promiscous , worth it , one look , knee socks , jealous (nj) , & …ready for it ? THESE ARE CLASSICSSSS . HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS MIX.

snow. by far. love making snowmen , n dressing them up and snowball fights. love it so so so much.

i did lady macbeth (n lu was macbeth) at a halloween party once!! I loved it vv much the fake blood and the scorpion prop , and the crown i made for lu. very realistic. (second is it and georgie. u know who it was and who georgie was. take a guess .)

q’s for u -

fuck marry kill - lily , pandora , marlene.

fuck marry kill - regulus , barty, evan.

what do you love spending money on ?

tell me one inside joke you have with liz (or just anyone, i only assume you’d have more with liz)

one weird fear you have?

weirdest dare you’ve taken in a game of truth or dare?

worst random impulse buy?

your favourite quote ever ?

your favourite quote from a fic ?

ever met a celeb ? (which one if yes?)

favourite snack ?

do u have a crush on anyone ? (skip this one if you don’t want to answer it & I’m terribly sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable!!!)

Who knows you best ?

lover (the song) vs getaway car?

all time favourite moment in your life ?

what’s your favourite moment with liz ? (curious to cut into that bff dynamic)

r(egg) or r(edge)?

do you speak any other languages (except english)?

bee bee bee <333 until next time , my friend. come back soon , or else i’ll start worrying.

#ess water a plant #bee <33 #ess’s marauders x ts crossover

[ramblingtomcat]

Something I have to think about. Last week I was in my home city. I'm rarely there anymore. The city has changed a lot. For once, of course some of the shops I used to go to are just now different shops. Some new buildings have been built. Some were torn down. It's a big city, it's fast paced, whatever. But something stroke out to me. There always had been houseless people and poverty, but nowadays I feel like it's all I see. I know the statistics. People get poorer and poorer, people get richer and richer. Everyone could land on the streets on any point. It could be me. And that's a realization I never had when I lived there. I was never rich, but my family used to live in a quite privileged neighborhood. We had some privileges, but at the same time we were marginalized. My parents were immigrants on one side, intellectuals on the other hand. We had our struggles, but I never grew up with the fear of not having somewhere to live anymore. Although it was tight when my father died, somehow I was somewhat safe.

I'm not anymore. I'm quite a loser. Not a stable job. Mentally ill and struggling almost every day. A starving artist, if you will.

And I went back to that home city of mine. I was there to visit my non-biological family. Attend a ten year death anniversary. I had some time to kill, so I roamed the streets a little. I used to go to the city all the time as a teen. Spending my time in book shops. There have always been houseless people. And I often gave them some change. I didn't think much of it. I had to be aware though, that sometimes there were beggars who were in some begging mafia? Which is a big problem and makes one lose faith in humanity sometimes.

Regardless of that, it never stops me to give when I feel like I can or want to. I walked past a person who sold their chalk drawings. And something made me want to give them something. I gave them some hairspray to fixate the art and some paper and money. And giving those stuff away I felt like crying. I felt both so helpless and weirdly hypocritical. It's not easy to pin down.

Like... For one I do feel good about giving them some art supplies, because I'm an artist myself and feel like it will come in good use. Also I really hoped I could make a difference in their day and maybe I did. But also I felt so helpless because this is just one person amongst so many people who could need help. And I only did that because somehow it resonated with me to see a creative person sitting there trying to survive. It's so much about me that I simultaneously feel bad about it. I feel bad that while probably helping a person out, I still am selfish enough to think about myself. That's also why I didn't tell anyone of that encounter. I feel like that moment would be ruined even more with my selfishness of telling people of a "good deed".

Why did I help them and nobody else? After that person I also gave some change to a person who doesn't look any older than myself. That could be me sitting there.

I feel hypocritical that I help some people and not others. That I don't just randomly give people money, but have reason to do so because they somehow remind me of myself or just seem... Idk. I'm probably not hypocritical. Not more than other people are at least. I only have this much. I can't help them all.

Why can't I do more? And why don't people do more who can?

I'm poor myself and I'm still feeling like I should give all of my money to people who need it more. Why don't people who aren't poor do it?

And why don't millionaires? Why are people who are far from poor so concerned for their own wealth instead of fighting poverty? Whatever that looks like.

Would I be the same if I had more money?

I'm so tired of this world sometimes. I'm so tired of caring. I'm so tired of caring for myself, for others, for strangers. Yet I can't help it. Why do I care anyway? Does it make me a better person? I don't think so at all. Because I can't do anything about it. And it sucks so much.

#tom rambles #poverty #injustice #hypocrisy #fuck capitalism #i guess #helpless #houselessness

[openly-journaling]

Tori: Friday October 28 2022

Day isn't even done. Our moods are everywhere and I need to get requests done. Also work work work. And pains. Monthly pains suck. And I have to carry this pain back to work.

Can I just lie down and relax and draw for a bit after taking a nap. Get a little relaxation. Long week really. It's crazy how one bad day A WEEK AGO can fuck you up.

You can't stop thinking about it and it doesn't leave you so you escape in whatever way you can. Indulging in work, art, fantasies or even just retreating to talk with your other headmates.

I know our work is important for our happier future. It's really hard to see right now with the way things are but what we're gaining experience doing WILL pay off.

I just need to keep reminding Bobby of that. I know he's depressed and really shutting down. Beating himself up over little things. He's the host he should be taking care of the body, he should be strong enough to bite back, he should be able to do whatever he thinks he should be able to do.

In his mind things fall apart so easy. I understand that. We're all a little depressed right now and none of us are standing up for ourselves because our boss/foster father... Well we can't just go off on his wife.

He'd probably fire us and not give us another chance at working for him.

But that's the thing I've come to realize. If you go off on people who don't take the blame they won't listen, they'll still disrespect you and even go so far as to cry about it and play victim or make you out to be the enemy.

She's really good at making others out to be the ones at fault no matter what they do/say. She'll always find some lie or excuse to hide in and everyone who knows her knows it's bullshit but nobody says anything ever. And I think one agrees.

The rest try to brush it off and say "she's just trying to protect you" because she and they are Christians who believe we worship Satan or.. something idk. I don't know.

Maybe no action is better. Less stress. Better to simply remove ourselves from her space and leave it at that. I get not everyone realizes they're doing it but we've tried pointing things out and it turns into empty apologies.

That being said it's very clear there's no talking to her. But ignoring her is still an option. She's a toxic suffocating cloud to our existence and we just need to filter her out of the environment. But it's difficult and takes time and a lot of self care.

We'll be okay again soon.

We have a plan. Hopefully we can enjoy working again instead of it feeling like a chore.

-edit-

So our period begins and there's no pain at all at first. Maybe a tiny burning feeling fine all well and dandy. After lunch it escalated to hot flashes, burning, feeling like we were going to vomit if we did not lie down.

Pain meds aren't always effective. Or they take awhile to process. Last month this happened our (second) boss was so understanding and said to update us. After awhile the painkillers FINALLY set in and we went back to work for the next three hours.

We have a huge habit of beating ourselves up for not being available for work on a day we're needed.

We told her this month it was bad and we needed to go home. This month she said "suck it up it's part of being a woman." We aren't USED to these pains. They aren't common for us. We feel a hell of a lot better laying down but if we get up it's going to go poorly.

Our co worker just told us politely to go home and get some rest because she gets it, she understands and sometimes even she's forced to go home for it. If this pain is going to get to be normal for us please give us time to build up a tolerance to it and learn how to manage it like fuck!

Who the hell pissed in your Cheerios this morning, it's ONCE A MONTH for A DAY it's not like I'm asking to go home once a week or for a whole week it's not like our period is so debilitating that we can't come into work frequently.

We already work from the buttcrack of fucking dawn until late when everything closes and you still expect us to get bills paid without interfering with work on a ONE HOUR lunch. Hell no. I'll keep taking my two-hour lunches so I can eat AND get our errands done. I'm still working at least 7 hours on the daily EVERY SINGLE DAY EXCEPT WEEKENDS. leave us alone... Let us rest once in awhile.

Like I get these houses have to get done asap but shit. We're working as fast as we can it's not going anywhere and all we freaking do is paint the whole damn time. Everyone else is getting the important shit done. And they're painting too.

IT'S ONCE A FUCKING MONTH!

#tori writes #open journal

[collisiondiscourse]

ok so. this is a different type of post than usual. im sorry if yall didnt wanna see some angry/upset posts but it genuinely breaks my heart to see shit like this

that makes it so goddamn hard for fandom content creators to make things for you.

we dont get paid for this. not one single cent is given to us when we make things for yall (unless we get commissioned or get kofi donations which are p rare), bc the payment we get is your love and support for the stuff we make.

but sometimes... it seems like we cant even have that?

it may not look like it, but lots of people who make really good content get discouraged every. single. day. because of how much spam-like culture prevents us from getting exposure.

i'm lucky. very much so because i have amazing mutuals and followers who regularly reblog my content and the algorithms nice to me. but the point is that those screenshots above? are all for MY ART. that means that theres at LEAST 10 more people out there who are just as deserving of this attention but get ratio'd like this 10x harder.

why?

because some of you still the online art community apparently. because some of you dont realize how good youve got it when its not you whos hardwork passion projects are met with indifference and apathy. because you refuse to reblog art when its the one thing that artists say time and time again actually HELPS THEM OUT

its just that little green button. help content creators out.

#tw negativity #tw rant #tw vent #im sorry i just. am rlly upset by what my notes have come to. #ill wake up with over a hundred notifs and be excited #n i open that shit up and its like. what? 1 reblog? #a few follows if im lucky ig #but seriously it just. breaks my heart to see passion projects being left behind #if you dont like the content ? fine scroll on by #but if you do #consider liking AND reblogging #im not totally free from this either #i dont always comment on everything i reblog. i dont always write out nice responses #but i do try to reblog things as much as possible. EVEN if i dont necessarily 'like it that much' #fix. the artist. ratio. there a hundreds of posts like mine #so why havent yall still gotten the fuckin memo? #idk sometimes we think that maybe our art just sucks #so if u dont want ur artist idols to think that. consider REBLOGGING SHIT #5his has been in my drafts for so long but i feel confident enough to post this rn #but just in case #delete later

[sylver-drawer]

Nah fr tho what was up with Lucas casually being like “yea I let thousands of people die to spite the world tree! What of it?” Like ???? What am I supposed to like his character after hearing that? Are they going for cool points or smth lmfao? Sorry to say but if athy marries and puts someone like him on the throne the whole country is fucked 💀

Yeah??? I know Lucas lovers love that deranged child to the point they genuinely think there’s nothing wrong with him, but like??? At this point, Spoon is quite literally going “this man has no moral compass at all and would/has let the world burn just because he doesn’t care” in bold letters on a sign and majority of the Lucas lovers/Lucathy shippers genuinely just,,, ignore it???

Like it isn’t old information we’re going off of. This happened like four chapters ago, and the story’s Deus Ex Machina admitted it himself without a single ounce of guilt, literally complaining that the world tree asked it of him.

A while ago I fought with an avid Lucas stan who absolutely refused to believe Lucas was a bad person. I brought up that one scene where he literally went “If Athy dies, I will blow Obelia and the world up” and they went “but he only thought about it so he didn’t do anything wrong :(((“

And I could literally only stare at the screen. Blinking my shock away. Like ok, if I think of committing mass genocide, it’s ok? Not a single thing about me is flawed or a heavy red flag, I’m the purest bean in the world?

I pray to the gods that Athy doesn’t marry Lucas because he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about Obelia or the world. All of the men in the story suck, but please don’t give the throne or shared title of the throne to a man who openly admits and bemoans about how their parent told them to save a civilization from perishing from a slow, painful death giving disease. If you’re going to marry anyone, meet a new person idk, just someone who’s a decent person? Especially when lately. Athy has been so serious and focused about becoming a good empress and ruler. Like she’s actually serious serious, I don’t think she’s ever been so determined about something other than living. The first step would probably be to make sure your partner at least cares about humans.

I feel like avid Lucas and Claude apologists would acknowledge how terrible the two are if the story actually framed their actions seriously. Claude’s done so many things people love to ignore and/or forget about I could practically write a book, and we’ve already mentioned the thing about Lucas. The story mentioned it so quickly and almost like an offhand comment. When you’re scrolling really fast because you’re reading or mostly look at the pretty art, you don’t notice the heavier, more implied and intricate details.

There was maybe three panels of that one scene. Him going “oh yeah, sometimes the world tree would tell me annoying stuff like ‘go save these people suffering’ and I was like nah that’s stupid because you’re annoying”, and then Athy making a face. But that was literally it.

I’m honestly kinda?? Lokey disappointed it didn’t focus on that fact more? Like Athy was an orphan, she had to fend for herself just to survive. And this man just admitted to her. This all powerful, practically godlike plot device. He just admitted he has the power to save multiple countries suffering all over the world. But simply doesn’t because it’s annoying. It honestly reminds me of billionaires, officials, and etc in our modern world? Like you have all this money and power, and you use it for either luxury or proffit or just plain old selfish hate when you could end poverty and world hunger. We are literally taking our steps into a world war three, people are dying and suffering everywhere, and people who have the power simply choose not to use it.

If people liked Lucas because of his looks and personality, Athy could easily just find someone similar to Lucas. There are so many handsome men in the world of WMAMP who have a sarcastic, teasing nature that I’m pretty sure her options aren’t limited to the Apathetic Plot Device Who Would Definitely Call Me Slurs If He Found Out I Was Gay and The Kid Who Walked Into Her Private Library Once. We literally have Helena’s brother and ‘the lone wolf’ as potential interests right there. Or hell, what about Cabel or the Arlantan Prince? Siodonnan Royalty??? Why doesn’t anyone make self insert OCs to ship with Athy, because honestly any option is better than the two we have.

#who made me a princess #wmmap #wmmap ships #lucathy discourse #lucas discourse #wmmap discourse #syl tea

[insufferablelust]

I ummm woupd it be okay to ask you to do a mgg x reader smut. Like he ties reader up and fucks her but like sticks his fingers in her mouth to suck on but she is also really bratty and likes to make things hard for him (like at work) and just super dom mgg and really bratty reader. Idk I'm awkward sorry you dont have to write it I just thought maybe a suggestion I mean I really like your working and all

Finally new smut! yay! anyways i combined these two amazing mgg concepts from my queens and then turn them into this, adding my spice into it as well so i hope y’all love this! thank you for the reqs queens!! MASTERLIST OF ALL MY WORKS.

WARNINGS : Dom!Mgg x Sub!Reader, Degradation by name calling, Rough sex, Oral fixation, back seat abandoned building car sex, exhibitionism, overstimulation, lots of teasing, and all the good stuff. Plus fluffs!!! Read at your own risk❤️ leave a like and reblog, thanks!

———————

Having an actor as a boyfriend surely has its perks, one being the fact that i always gets to see how Matthew make his own version of art, his visions, as well as his god gifted talent, i must say that it warms my heart to no end, seeing him so passionate about something that he can even do in his sleep.

With perks, comes the not so pleasant ones, one of them is not seeing him for weeks sometimes. His busy schedule has put my relationship through some rocky beginnings, thankfully we made agreements and that’s settled. Of course, i could visit him whenever i want, even if it requires a plane ticket— he’ll provide it (not that you’ll take it.) but today is one of those days when the amount of missing him became greater than to actually wait patiently.

The location where Matthew currently filming, wasn’t that far from our shared house so it shouldn’t be that bad right?.... Wrong. A month into the filming process i felt the neediness present, he comes home every night yet you still miss him. He filmed during the day mostly, coming home late already tired, and then when his director gave him a time off or day or two break, he spent it by rereading scripts or working on directing his small projects.

It’s not that i didn’t understand his schedule, but something about having him so close yet so far away just chipped away any patience i have left in me. Frustrated, i grabbed the car keys and decided to go to where he was filming. I knew that he wouldn’t have a problem with you coming in, but I knew that would definitely have a problem or two about what i’ve been planning.

So you drove for an hour, until you reached the filming set, finding yourself growing expectedly needy and nervous. You texted him saying that you were on your way, the way he answered left you giggling and smiling like a schoolgirl.

“Sure sweetheart, come on over, my lunch break is at 12.15, we can have lunch together. When you got here just knock on trailer 4. Love you.”

Your knocked on his trailer door, anxiously biting your lips at the anticipation, it shouldn’t be such a big deal, you’ve visited his set couple of times before— it’s just.. what you wear and what you have in mind is making you jumpy with adrenaline coursing through your bloodstream. Only wearing one of his button ups, tucked inside the plated skirt that stop around mid-thigh. It’s one of his... kink really to see you in such a mundane outfit yet something about seeing you in his clothing on public nonetheless flick the switch inside Matthew, makes him go feral.

So as soon as he opened the trailer door, and see the sinful cladded clothing, he yanked you inside and furiously carry you to his lap as he sit down on one of the chairs. “Are you fucking crazy?” His tone sent chills down your spine, you know better than this, than to show up while he’s working, in such clothing that drove him mad. The tone in his voice plus the way he gripped your hips should’ve warned you just how mad he is. But you just innocently shrugged, and rolled you eyes, licking your lips before muttering a soft, “last time i check, i’m doing just—“

You were cut off instantly by the grip that’s now strongly held against the skin of your jawline, and the fingers that was penetrating your very lips. The act, sent your blissful sear to your core.

“Shut up, and listen here you insatiable bunny. I have to finish few more scenes, and it shouldn’t take long. I want you to be a good bunny, and behave. I’m giving you a chance to be good here, if you obey what i said, i’ll give you rewards but if i catch you disobeying me whilst i’m gone, believe me you won’t walk let alone sit for a week, pet.”

Matthew’s eyes burned holes through your skull, his fingers shoved deeper making you gag slightly, cheeks running with tears. “Do you understand, or do i have to write it down for needy whores like you hm?” His words are downright cruel yet your panties got more damper and damper. The only thing you can let out is soft whimpers and nods at him, your fingers scratching his arms to let you breathe.

“If you lie, i’ll know. Now be good, i’ll see you in a bit.” He pushed his lips against yours, kissing the tender lips softly before pulling away and then out the door.

Your heart was beating so fast, and your core ached, truly ached and sopping wet. You almost cried out at the frustration, but decided that you can take it, you’ll take it. So you decided to just lay there and tried to get some sleep. You thought the desire should’ve burned down for a bit after you wake up, but if anything it grows stronger and made you needier.

You were so desperate that you half expectedly slip your fingertips past through the waistband of your panties, sighing as you dream about the sensation of being touched by him, his fingers, his lips, his tongue, his damn cock. “Please..” You whimpered out to no one in particular, just the surrounding space on his trailer. “Matthew..” You moaned again, this time louder— loud enough that you don’t ever hear him opening the door, your eyes only opened when he slammed it, now standing in front of you, his hands tucked away inside his pants pocket.

“Matthew i—“

“Lay over my lap.” He commanded, the way he said it surely alerted all the nerves inside of you. You drew in a sharp breath, before crawling to where was sat at the edge of the chair, and lay tummy down across his lap, the skirt you wore made it easy for him to slide your panties down and shove them inside your mouth as he palmed your ass, gripping it hard, then before you could even breathe, his palm crashed against your ass cheeks.

“Count, and thank me.”

“One! Thank you Matthew!”

There’s something about her calling his name, begging him to do anything that gets him going every-time. He loves it especially when she’s basked with his scent, his clothes, him just him. Call him simply in love or obsessed, he doesn’t care as long as he’s with her. Being in control helps him relinquish all his stress, but really— it’s her who’s in control, if you want to stop he’ll stop. But he knows, both of them pleased each other and willing to go for miles just to be close and intimate.

“Five! oh! t-thank you.” Her breathing was shallow, her ass was on fire, and her core was dripping wet. This is what he loves about their relationship, the dynamics, and the amount of trusts they have with one another always sparked something inside him and her. God he would die for Y/N.

“Ten! please please!” He smiled, before yanking her hair upwards, bending down— his lips trail kisses from her neck up to her ear as he whispered, “What are you begging for, doll?”

“Touch me! please Matthew!” The way she begged turns him on like no other, yet he knows what she wants, and he’s going to give it to her. Making sure she will learn not to tease him this time.

“You’re so cute, and a mess too. I bet you love it don’t you? being a greedy mess for me?” The condescending tone of his should make her angry, but instead she moaned- she bloody moaned. “uh huh! i’m yours right?”

At that she turns to look at him in the eye, knowing just how frustrated if he sees her eyes, her damn puppy eyes. He knows her trick well enough to give her one more slap before tugging her to stand up shakily, whilst still holding onto her waist so that she won’t fall.

“Here’s what we’re going to do pet, we’re going to your car, and then we’ll wait until we get home. Okay baby?”

“No! no! no please!” Y/N whined as she stomped her foot like a child, the stern line of his jaw clenched as his palm burned and twitch with the need to reminds her to not talk like that to him. Yet he held back, decided to wait until a bit later.

“C’mon brat, fix yourself and let’s go.” And just like that, he walked away packing his things, leaving her wet and ready as tears streamed down her eyes, She’s so damn needy.

Pulling herself up, she fixed her make up as best as she can before gathering her things and catching up to him who’s already situated himself on the driver seat of her car.

If this is the game he wanted to play, then game on, Gubler.

—————

It started when they were about halfway to their house, long enough to make him believe that she’s well behaved. Uh oh, not when your girl is Y/N, she thinks. She parted her legs wide, pulling the palm that has been resting on her thigh for a while now deeper into where he could feel the heat through her panties.

“Y/N.” Matthew warned, his eyes flicking towards her, but instead of pulling back his hands— he gripped her inner thigh tightly instead causing her to whimper in delight from the mixture of pain and pleasure.

“Yes, M- Oh...” She fluttered her eyes shut as she make a dramatic arch of her back, as she felt his knuckles grazed against her puffy clit. Her free palm reached out to palm his cock through the pants he was wearing, earning strings of ‘fucking brat.’ from him which made her giggle.

“Oh, you’re enjoying this hm? Enjoy testing me like this?” Y/N innocently tilted her head, and shrug as if she’s not giving him a hand job right now. “Ah look at you, so cute. Just remember the consequences, petal.”

She giggled like an angel that she is before leaning to his side as her hand unbutton his pants, earning a loud “Don’t you dare.” From him, which she only replied with a lip bite and then took his hard cock out, gently running her fingertips against the veins.

“Oh but look baby! you’re clearly loving it right now.” She bat her eyelashes up at him before leaning down and place her warm mouth around the head of his cock, causing him to press the gas pedal a bit too hard. “You insatiable fucking minx.” He groaned, one hand on the steering wheel and the other one tangled in her hair pushing her down his cock.

Matthew was trying so hard to focus yet he just couldn’t, who’s to blame him? his girl’s warm mouth is around his cock, and the sight of her bending across the damn center console with her ruined panties on his peripheral vision doesn’t sit well with safety. Finding the nearest abandoned property and pulled over, before pulling her head up.

“Dirty whore, get in the back and get on your hands and knees.” He hissed, as he released the grip on her hair, which she obeyed immediately, crawling to the back seat on hands and knees as he waited for him. They’ve done this enough times to know which position allows them to have the best sensation.

The moment he crawled his lanky self to the backseat, her grip on the leather seat tighten— preparing herself for whats to come. She felt the grip on her waist as Matthew yanked up her skirt and then push her panties to the side before pushing his cock right into her dripping wet cunt, both of them moaning loudly, finally feeling the pleasure they’ve been teased out of each other.

Matthew didn’t spare her anytime to adjust to his impressive length as he immediately begins thrusting with a brutal pace, making sure to dug his nails onto her skin— leaving marks and indents.

“You love this don’t you? fucked in the backseat of your own car like a damn cheap whore.” He whispered harshly, causing her to buck against him— which resulted in quick violent slaps against her ass as he pound his cock into her like a maniac.

“Yours— yours Matthew, fuck.” She cried out, feeling the way his cock nudge her spot every time he thrusted inside making her mewls. Matthew yanked her hair back so Y/N’s back flushed against his front, slowing down his pace.

“You wanna cum baby? yeah?” He muttered darkly, his thrusts slowing down but pressing deeper that she could even feel it inside her tummy. Y/N tried to find the words but she just couldn’t, not when his cock is perfectly nudged against her spot so she cried out a loud yes instead and hoped that her boyfriend would give her mercy.

“Cum, go on..” She let out a confused moan, knowing that he usually don’t let her cum this easy, but paying no mind as she came around his cock, and screamed into the leather seat as Matthew released the grip on her hair.

He let her ride out her orgasm, and she was about to thank him and offered him a blowjob because she think she can’t take anymore pounding feeling overly overstimulated— yet that thought drowned as soon as his hips bucks up and continue to thrust her in a much faster and hard pace causing her to let out screams.

“No! n-no ah! Matthew! too much oh too much!”

“Shh, take it. You want to cum right? so you’ll keep on coming, baby go on.” He laughed against her ear as he keeps on thrusting, feeling himself got close. “N-please..”

“Cum again come on.” He hissed as he could feel the way her walls tightened so deliciously, encasing her velvet around his cock. The minute her screams went high pitched and her body violently shake, he knew she just came and that sent him to shoot heavy spurts inside of her, with heavy breathing and whispers, “Shit. You did so good baby, so so good, Y/N..”

—————

They both come down from their high slowly as Matthew pulled out of her, immediately pulling some tissues from her bag and wipe them both gently— trying not to cause any pain. “Shh it’s okay.. come here baby.” He said as he placed her on top of his lap after he cleaned them both.

“Hey.. I love you so much Y/N.” He whispered, fingers playing with her hair as she smiled against his sweaty neck and whisper a soft “I love you, Matthew. sorry for being a brat.” Which earned her a laugh from him,

“I still love you even if you’re being bratty. Just give me more reason to put you back in your place right princess?” He then move his fingertips to stroke her cheeks, feeling the flesh warmed up to his touch, as his thumb pressed against her lips.

She then opened her lips slowly, letting him push his thumb inside to let her suckle on it. Sometimes after a particularly rough sex like this or just generally when she’s trying to calm herself down, he would let her suck on his fingers. His girl surely has an oral fixation, but its also coping mechanism.

As he heard her breathing slow and even, he smiled— knowing she’s asleep. He waited for few more minutes before laying her on the back seat with a blanket covering her that he pulled out from the trunk, pressing one last kiss on her forehead before going back to the driver seat and then drive back home.

The day was perfect, and Matthew wouldn’t trade it with anything else.

———————

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