#idk suddenly theres so much on my mind i feel bad about and my chest hurts and i feel awful idk

[roseworth]

mind trap one shot :^)

heyo here's a little bit of mind trap angst just because im bored idk

honestly theres almost no context to this, basically i just wanted him to be controlled by the mind trap lol. the reason he can be controlled is that as a member of the royal bloodline of the dark kingdom hes automatically sworn to the moonstone (tbh i didnt put a lot of thought into it but neither did the writers when they wrote the mind trap so its fine lol)

(ps im gonna be real with you guys i dont really know the difference between a drabble, a ficlet, and a oneshot. i was gonna call this a ficlet but i was scared of being wrong so i figured oneshot is the safest option)

word count: 1873 

characters: eugene & rapunzel

description: Eugene gets taken over by the Mind Trap. Rapunzel needs to find a way to get him back before it’s too late.

note: this takes place sometime during plus est en vous. theyre in the throne room alone. idk just dont think about it too hard

Everything seemed to stop for a moment. Rapunzel felt like her body was frozen in place as Eugene turned around, his eyes glowing electric blue.

“Eugene?” she whispered hesitantly as he stepped closer. Something in her brain was telling her to back away, but it was like her feet were frozen to the ground. He took another step closer and drew his sword.

She released her hair from her braid and held it up just in time to block his sword from hitting her. He glared at her wordlessly and went to swing again, which she once again blocked.

“Eugene, I- I don’t know what to- you- how…” she stuttered helplessly as she started to stumble backwards. His gaze didn’t change at all.

“Tell you what,” he said finally, crossing his arms. “If you give up now, I’ll give you a quick and painless death.”

She felt her eyes fill with tears as she shook her head. “I won’t give up, you know that.”

He smirked. “I know, but it was worth a shot.”

This made her feel even worse. She couldn’t even tell herself that he didn’t know her or didn’t recognize her. Now she knew that he still remembered her even as he was attacking her.

Maybe that means there’s a chance to get through to him, she thought, but quickly shoved it away. She didn’t want to bother getting her hopes up like that while he was still trying to hurt her.

She didn’t really know anything about the Mind Trap or how to free someone from it. Heck, she didn’t even know why Eugene was being controlled by it, but she didn’t exactly have the opportunity to figure that out right now.

She dodged another attack from him and backed away to put distance in between the two of them, trying to think of some semblance of a plan. She couldn’t keep blocking and dodging him forever, but there was no way she could let herself even try to hurt him. The Mind Trap was still all the way in Cassandra’s tower, and she wasn’t sure if she would even be able to get out of the castle, let alone all the way to the tower.

“Aw, Sunshine, I’m almost disappointed,” he sneered. The nickname that she normally loved now felt like a punch in the gut as he said it. “I’ve seen you do better than this. I mean, come on, you’ve hit me with your frying pan more times normally than you are now.” She didn’t respond as she brought up her hair to block yet another one of his hits.

Even if she did fight back, there was no way she could win. She assumed they might be evenly matched ordinarily, but ordinarily he wasn’t fighting to kill.

Thinking about that made her feel almost nauseous. The person she loved more than anything else was now trying to kill her (or at least being used as a vessel to kill her).

“One of us is going to have to stop eventually,” he remarked. His voice had the cadence of a joke, but his expression said otherwise.

“And I’ve never been one to give up,” Rapunzel retorted.

“I know. I think under normal circumstances I would like that about you. Right now, though, it’s already getting to be a pain.”

It felt like her heart had been torn out of her chest the more he said things like that. It felt like he was already killing her knowing that something in him recognized her right now and still chose to attack. Not chose, she reminded herself. He has no control over this.

Looking into his glowing blue eyes, she thought about the way they usually were. His warm brown eyes and his soft expressions seemed like a distant memory compared to what was staring back at her now.

Just moments ago she had kissed him, and somewhere in the back of her mind wondered if that had been the last time she ever would. “No,” she whispered aloud. That wouldn’t be the last, she could fix this.

She just needed a plan. The Mind Trap reacted to the Moonstone, and she had the power of the Sundrop, there had to be something she could do. Worth a shot.

Her eyes fell shut as she channeled the Sundrop’s power. There was a burst of light around her as her hair lit up, causing a wave of energy.

She opened her eyes to see Eugene had been knocked to the floor. She wanted to run to him, but opted to keep her distance. She watched as he sat up and rubbed his head, his eyes closed.

And she felt her heart sink as he opened them and they were still just as blue as before.

“Nice to see you’re finally on the attack, Blondie,” he mocked. “Too bad it wasn’t enough.”

He lifted himself back onto his feet and scowled. She wished this would all stop. She wished everything could just go back to normal. She wanted so badly to hold out hope, but she was out of ideas.

“I’m not going to fight you,” she insisted, trying to ignore the way tears were starting to spill out of her eyes. She met his intense stare with one of her own as he moved towards her.

“I can’t say I’m surprised, Sunshine,” he grinned coolly. Again, the usually affectionate nickname made her stomach churn as her tears continued to stream down her face. He stood inches away from her, neither of them moving. It was taking everything to keep herself from running towards him, looking for comfort that she wouldn’t find.

As he tightened his grip on his sword once more, she reached for her hair only to find out that he was pressing his foot on it, keeping it in place. He smirked at her. “You lost your defense,” he taunted callously. She tried to tug her hair away, but he was keeping a firm hold on it.

“Eugene…” she said quietly. Everything felt numb as she imagined him as the man he really was instead of the one who was about to kill her. The man who was always there for her no matter what happened. The man who had saved her in more ways than anyone could understand. That man wasn’t the person standing over her right now, lifting his sword above his head to strike.

“Eugene,” she said again, louder this time. “I don’t know if the real you can hear me, but I just need you to know that I know this isn’t you. And I love you so much.”

She thought for a moment that she saw him falter, but gave up her wishful thinking as the sword came closer to her. She squeezed her eyes shut as the love of her life was about to end it.

Nothing happened.

For a split second, she wondered why she was never hit.

Then she heard him cry out in pain.

Her eyes shot open to see that he was crumpled on the ground, his own sword stabbed through his leg. He pulled the sword out and threw it across the room.

“Eugene!” she yelled, dropping to her knees next to him. She looked at his face and was beyond relieved to be met with brown eyes looking back at her affectionately. “Eugene, you’re… you’re back,” she sighed happily, getting lost in his eyes and forgetting for a moment about his leg that was still bleeding out.

He tried to smile back at her, but it ended up as more of a grimace in pain, bringing both of them back into reality. “I just- I couldn’t let myself hurt you,” he said, holding back tears. “I’m so sorry.”

She wiped away her own tears and nodded. “I know, I know. It’s okay,” she reassured him, turning her attention back to his leg. He took his jacket off and wrapped it around the wound to try to stop the bleeding. She helped secure it in place and applied pressure on the wound, and he let out a groan as he instinctively tried to move away. She gave him an apologetic look, but continued pressing her hand down on his leg.

“Hey, look at me, it’s gonna be okay,” she soothed, putting her other hand on his cheek. She tried as hard as she could to distract him from the pain. He grabbed her hand and smiled gently.

“I’m so sorry, Sunshine, I couldn’t-”

“It’s okay, I understand. It was the Mind Trap, I know,” she whispered, though she felt a rush of relief in her chest after hearing him say “Sunshine” in a loving way again.

“I don’t know what happened, I just… I suddenly didn’t have control of my body. It was like I was feeling myself move and hearing myself talk and I couldn’t do anything about it. I kept trying to fight it, but…” he trailed off, his eyes starting to fill.

“Don’t worry about it, just focus on me, it’s gonna be okay,” she said as his entire body shuddered from another wave of pain.

“Rapunzel, you have to go,” he urged suddenly. “I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold the Mind Trap off for.”

She looked deeply into his eyes, doing her best to stay strong and help him. It was taking all her effort not to break down right then, and she finally gave in. Before she could even think to try to stop herself, she was sobbing into Eugene’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. “I won’t leave you,” she choked out. He squeezed her tighter towards him, his leg now numb to the pain.

“I can’t watch myself hurt you, Sunshine,” he said brokenly as he started to cry too. “It’ll be okay soon, I promise.”

Rapunzel lifted herself up and wiped her tears away. “It’ll be okay,” she repeated through tears. “I’m going to destroy the Mind Trap, then I’ll come right back here.”

He gave her a weak smile, then brought her closer to him again to kiss her. She closed her eyes as she kissed him, hoping that she would be able to keep her word and destroy it. Not just for Eugene, but for everyone. For the members of the Brotherhood that had lost control over their own thoughts. For the others that had loved ones being taken over.

She moved away slightly as she felt Eugene shift in her grasp. She opened her eyes, and her heart shattered as she was once again met with his glowing electric blue eyes. She stood up and backed away from him.

He made an effort to stand up and go after her, but his wounded leg wasn’t doing him any good. Not to mention, even if he could get up, his weapon was still on the other side of the room. He yelled at Rapunzel as she started to run away, but she did her best to tune out what she was saying. She only had one goal in mind now.

“I’ll be back,” she promised quietly, rubbing her eyes as she ran out of the castle. “It’s gonna be okay.”

#rapunzel as everything is falling apart: its gonna be fine :) im fine :) #this was gonna be like half the size it is but i got carried away #also i was gonna post this for fitzfriday but i was busy all day yesterday and couldnt edit it #and i didnt feel like waiting another week bc im impatient #so this is for fitzsaturday 😌 #alright bye love u all #tangled #fanfic #my writing #new dream

[zelink-and-loz]

Ok headcannon story writing thing i made

basically link falls in a well and almost drowns because its raining and the well is filling up but then he is saved and he’s ok but he is permanently traumatized. 

Copypasted from my discord server because thats where i wrote it down first. Haven’t made it a full fanfic yet but i will eventually. (maybe. probably. possibly. idk man)

prepare for shitty halfassed spelling and grammar, and some things that only make sense to me because im too lazy to explain them

i really just wrote this for myself so

it’s probably unrealistic but idc

Ok so Link is messing around near an old dry (ish) well in the Hyrule Castle grounds. Im 90% sure theres no well in-game but fuck you. Maybe it collapsed and was buried in dirt. You dont know. Do you? 

He ends up falling in. He’s uninjured because i wasn’t too too far of a fall. ‘No biggie’ he thinks. ‘Ill just climb out.’ But then it starts raining. The walls get slick and slippery. ‘Alright. I’ll just wait it out.’ But hes starting to get a little nervous. After maybe 20 minutes it’s raining really hard. The well’s at about a foot of water now— there were only a couple of inches of old water when he first fell in. He’s getting nervous, and tries to climb out again. Of course, it doesn’t work.

‘It’s ok. Zelda will find me eventually. I’ve been gone for a while & she said she wanted to go on a walk later.’ He waits. 20-30 minutes later and the water’s at his knees. he‘s standing now. He calls for Zelda, not very loudly though. He begins to panic but tries to stay calm. 

He’s lost track of time but it’s been about 30 more minutes. Nearly an hour and a half since he fell in. The water’s almost at his waist. He’s taking deep breaths and telling himself Zelda’s gonna find him soon. He’s definitely panicking now, breathing quickly and shallowly, with his heart beating fast. He calls for Zelda, much more loudly this time. It just echoes in the well and he hears no response. 

At this point Zelda’s getting a bit worried. It’s raining hard and she doesn’t want to go outside and look for Link but she knew he probably wouldn’t have waited this long on purpose. She tells herself he’s probably forgotten. Or he’s fighting Yiga. Or Lynels. Or something like that. 40 more minutes pass. The water’s up to his chest. He starts yelling for anyone who could help— Zelda, Mipha, Urbosa, Daruk, even Revali, even though they champions aren’t at the castle and he hates asking Revali for help bc birdman is so rude and makes fun of him

10 more minutes. Zelda’s studying, trying to take her mind off where Link could be. Suddenly, she hears him faintly call her name— Zelda listens for a second longer but decides she must be hearing things bc of the rain & the stress & her worries. Then after a few minutes, she hears him yell again: ‘Hello? Zelda? ..Anyone?’ She opens the door to listen. She hears him call for Revali, Mipha, then her again. She’s a bit shocked & scared to hear him yelling & panicked (she’s never heard him panic before & she’s only heard him yell in anger, while fighting) but she quickly recovers & calls, ‘Link! Im coming! Where are you?’ He calls her name again, & she follows the sound of his voice over the rain. After about 5 minutes she finds him & looks down into the well & sees (to her horror) that the water’s up to his armpits. He’s not yelling anymore but his eyes are wide & scared & (even through the rain) she can see that he’s crying a little. He’s completely soaked & his hair is flat on his forehead. 

She tells him she’s gonna get help, & she hears him say her name again, quietly & in a scared voice, as she runs off to the castle. Which breaks bOth our hearts, writing this makes me feel so bad for him help- 

She gets the first soldiers she finds and tells them that Link is stuck and might be hurt, and to find rope. They’d normally laugh a bit and be in no particular hurry to help because Link gets stuck in random places a lot, and he’s usually not in danger and it’s even pretty funny sometimes, but Zelda looks and sounds so truly panicked they instantly get moving.

After a minute or two they’ve got rope and she takes them out to the well. Link is in up to his shoulders now and he’s still panicked but he’s more just shocked now, standing still with his hands against the wall and breathing quickly and shallowly. They make a knot in the rope and lower it down. Link grabs on & they pull him out. He’s just sort of in shock (maybe literally, idk about doctors and medicine bla bla bla science biology things fuck u) 

Zelda tells the soldiers that she’ll help him herself now, thanks them, and asks them to not tell anyone. They’re like ‘a’ight’ & go chill and dry off

Zelda takes Link to her room and gets 2 blankets (from where? I dont fucking know shut up) and dries him off with one and wraps him up with the other. He’s shook so he’s just sort of sits still and moves when she asks. His clothes dry off pretty quickly once hes indoors because idk. I want them to. Im writing this i can make it unrealistic if i want to 

But anyways she sits him down next to her bed & she sits on her bed & watches him. After maybe 30 minutes in which neither of them move she asks him if he’s ok. He nods a little & looks at her & they just stare at eachother for a while. Eventually Link looks away and flops his head over on the edge of Zelda’s bed. After a minute Zelda puts her hand on top of his head and lays down to sleep. Link shuts his eyes & they both go to sleep. 

And from then on he had aquaphobia and slight claustrophobia! Hooraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay hahahahahahahahahahaha. haha. hah. haaaah

trauma

poor little boye

Also i hit the discord character limit twice, there’s about... 5000 characters in this thing lmao

The outline for the fic is a whole fic of its own :o /j

but yeah like... give my boy something he can fight and he’s fearless. Take away his control over the outcome and he’s terrified

i really like this for some reason. it’s shit writing and im not even sure the story is that good but like... probably one of my favorite fic ideas. idk im going to bed today has been weirdly tiring

#whats that? timmys stuck in the well? #botw #link #zelda #zelink #fanfic idea #legend of zelda #tw almost drowning #and getting stuck in wells i guess #probably gonna write this out someday but like maybe not too because i procrastinate a lot on all the projects i REALLY wanna do #i am too Emotion right now to function so im going to go to bed i guess #idk whats going on likr im mostly happy (very very very good day apart from one annoying bit) #but every single little emotion i feel rn feels really exadgerated anf weird and i almost cried because of 3 seperate emotions at 3 seperate #maybe its thr side effects of the booster shots i had to get to go to school or something???? i dont kno w #or maybe im just fucked up today for no reason at all other than 'my brain got poked in the right way by this thing i read and now its wired #anyways im probably goinf to try and sleep #so uh #goodnight tumblr #beans

[thethousandyearwitch]

The Show Must Go On! Chapter 4

- A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need -

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 4 “Shifting Sand Land” out now!

AO3 Link

Illumi had always feared that one day he might inherit any of his mother's illnesses. It wasn't out of the question, and he considered himself lucky that no ailment had reared its head so far into his life.

"Do I look as good as how I feel, darling?"

Until now.

Suddenly it felt like years of sickness had caught up with him, spun his head around and made his stomach curl.

It was a coincidence that this sickness would appear the second he laid eyes on Hisoka, wearing the suit that was fitted just for him.

It was a coincidence that he looked like all those marble statues in museums, sculpted in the image of gods and lovers.

It was a coincidence that this sickness could be swallowed and repressed like any measly feeling he had ever encountered.

"I told you to wear a shirt, maggot."

And the symptoms disappeared.

But the disease didn't.

 ----------------------------------------------------

Gon: Killua?

It had been quite a while since Killua had responded to any of Gons messages. Well, it had been about 2 hours. But compared to their normal pace of slinging messages at each other any passing minute, this felt like an eternity to the young boy.  He wondered if he had done anything to upset his friend, though their last conversation was just usual banter about breakfast, snacks, and the new battle pass.

He fidgeted in his seat a bit more, the classwork Aunt Mito had supplied him with almost entirely forgotten. The now broken routine made his bones itch, but the attempt of any distraction just made him fear he'd miss when Killua would finally come back.

So, he waited.

He even started half-heartedly filling out the math quiz that had been taunting him from the corner of the desk, though he always glanced back at the computer screen.

Question number 27: (X-3)²-25= 0

Ping

Gon wasn't sure what to do first; Be thankful that finally Killua replied or be thankful that he found an escape from this hell called math.

Kil: Yo.

GON: Hey!!! Are you okay? :O

Kil: Yeah, whats up?

He was obviously not okay. But Gon knew that pressing the issue wouldn’t make things better, though if he pretended like everything was alright would just be an issue bottled up.

GON: Do you wanna play some Fortnite Duos maybe? We can try grinding for the new tiger costume you like :D

Kil: cant

Kil: my mom took my fucking PC away in attempt to become mother of the year

GON: :( im sorry!! But im sure she’ll give it back soon, right?

Kil: fat chance, I probably have to wait till my brother comes back from his stupid trip

Gon tilted his head in thought. This has probably been the longest Killua had ever talked about his family with him. Up to this point it had only been passing remarks about siblings whose actions and personalities melted into each other due to lack of discernible unique traits, and that his family was rich.

GON: How long is that going to be?

GON: Maybe your mom will calm down and change her mind <:(

Kil: lmao, maybe if id actually study now shed be satisfied enough

Kil: but theres no way in hell im going to give her what she wants

Kil: ESPECIALLY NOW

GON: So whatre you going to do??

Kil: idk

Kil: talk to you and think about how to set fire to this place?

 The young boy smiled, though for some reason he could feel a knot tighten in his chest.

 GON: How about only talking to me for now?

 And they talked. For a couple of hours, they talked about Gons new streaming schedule, about how he wanted to have one dedicated day in the week solely for collaborations. They talked about a new exploit for Super Mario Sunshine that could potentially scrap 10 seconds off of the current World record if executed correctly. They talked about how Leorios medical-student VLOG channel had been trending again after he made a hypocritical video about the damages of energy drinks.

Kil: he could have at least cleaned the infamous pyramid out of frame…

GON: Haha he said that in hindsight too

GON: But I think it was his boyfriend who finally made him clean it up -v-“

Kil: must be nice to have someone living with you who gives a shit

Kil: I think at this point the housekeeper hasn’t even touched the minefield that’s my brothers room in months

GON: It can’t be that bad :”D

Kil: you bet?

Kil: what do you think, how much chip dust is needed for an anime figure to come to life?

The mental image of Killuas home slowly shifted in Gons mind again. A large mansion, bedrooms as big as some apartments, with individual housekeepers for everyone. And one room dedicated to imitating a postapocalyptic anime merch shop.

And somewhere in that large mansion, is a room probably equipped with a messy bed, a (now empty) desk and gaming chair, maybe some shelves with books and games. In the middle of it a slightly blurry figure, maybe a bit shorter than Gon, pale skin and messy hair and piercing bright eyes.

He had seen pictures of Killua, a handful of selfies taken at his desk, one picture his sister (who he’d mention the least from his mysterious family) had taken of him in front of a rose bush. And no matter how dimly lit the picture would be, or out of focus, or taken from a distance; His eyes were always the first thing Gon would focus on. At first, he was convinced that he was using a filter, there’s no way someone in real life would have eyes like that.

But Killua did. Killua hid electricity behind those eyes, dangerous and yet enticing, beaming with a life energy that can barely be contained. Gon had heard poems and songs about blue eyes, though none of them ever came close to describing eyes like these. Or the feeling Gon would get from looking at them, tingling in his fingertips, making him smile and giggle and stomp his feet. Kind of like getting a victory royale.

Gon has other friends besides Killua. But none ever made him feel the same way when they talked. He craved no one’s presence as much as he craved Killuas. And something inside him felt the constant urge to tell Killua that, to tell him how much he meant to him, what’s so amazing about him, how he didn’t want this friendship to end.

But that’s just not something friends would tell each other unprompted, and it’s not something that could easily told to Killua, who danced around the word “friends” as if it were a dangerous animal. So, he didn’t say anything.

 Kil: gon?

Kil: did you fall asleep?

GON: No haha, I was just thinking about how huge your house must be!!

Kil: yeah its huge and ugly, sometimes way too loud, sometimes really fucking quiet

Kil: im sure it must be nicer in your home

GON: I mean, it is pretty nice, but its also a little lonely I think

GON: All my friends live closer to the city, so usually no one is around to just come outside and hang out :^T

Kil: if I could id fly over right now and you could show me all the gross spiders that rule your continent with 8 iron fists

GON: They aren’t gross!! Spiders are really fun once you get to know them :^D

GON: And you know, you’d always be welcome here, Aunt Mito would be thrilled to meet you ^^

And Gon meant it. Though Killua never let too much slip of his family life and surroundings, Gon could tell it was trouble, and he deeply wished he could give Killua even just a one-day break from whatever went down in that mansion.

Kil: since we are both home schooled, we wouldnt even need to wait for summer break or anything

GON: Right :^D And its not like either of us are big on studying either ^^”

Gon glanced briefly at the disregarded Math work and shuddered.

Kil: you mean it, right?

Kil: if I were to text you some time that im at an airport and im coming over, you wouldnt let me be stranded somewhere on your prison continent, right?

GON: Of course not!!!

GON: … but I’d prefer it if you give a heads up so I can clean my room :^D

Kil: thanks gon, I appreciate it

Kil: i appreciate you

Gon felt his heartrate skyrocket. Of course he’d let Killua stay, even if he rang at his door without any prior notice. Because even if it goes unsaid, Killua was his friend. Maybe even his best friend. And he’d do anything to keep him safe, or to just give him one minute that he doesn’t have to think about his family. He wanted to see those blue eyes reflect the Australian sun, free of worry and tension.

GON: I appreciate you, too

#hisoillu #killugon #Hunter X Hunter #killua zoldyck #gon freecss #hisoka marrow #illumi zoldyck #fanfiction #hxh fanfic #yeah this fic isnt dead fsdjgh

[sansmooches]

ateez and crushes / ‘99 line + jongho

how they experience crushes 

‘98 line version here

yunho 

the realization isn’t earth-shattering for him

like seonghwa, i believe yunho is pretty solid in his feelings and wouldn’t think about it too much

it’s simple, really - he just has so much fun with you

and he thinks you’re so cute and goofy but also thoughtful

he starts to notice how he always scans the room to see if you’re in there (and feels his heart droop a little when you’re not)

eavesdrops on conversations if he hears your name mentioned

remembers to grab your favorite if he’s buying snacks

(when yeosang points out how he always buys two drinks yunho hits him with the “oh i’m just ...really thirsty” and smiles a lil)

(and everyone just thinks “yeah you’re THIRSTY alright”)

looooves to tease you, randomly poke you, pull lightly at your hair, show you things online that made him laugh. you’re his best friend

he’s way too content with the way things are to confess, or put his feelings into words

why change, or risk, a good thing?

oh he wants you to be his, officially, for sure. but he’s in no rush. right now all he’s asking for is more time with you

yeosang

yeosangie is an observer. his crush comes about exactly that way - through him just watching, silently getting to know you

you probably mostly hung out together in groups, and that’s where he thrives... bc he gets to lovingly roast you in front of an audience. (and honestly he’d be a little nervous if it were just the two of you)

but you never took it personally and that’s what made you grow fonder to him. 

one day you’re all hanging out and everything’s business-as-usual when suddenly he looks at you a little harder and thinks to himself...

“oh no. y/n looks really good today”

and that opens up the door for the potential in his mind of something more between the two of you

he’ll wanna learn everything there is to know about you

and if that doesn’t make his interest obvious to everyone, idk what will

but his tactic is deny, deny, deny!!!!! 

his crush is SO fkn obvious but he’s literally the king of playing coy and it’ll drive everyone crazy INCLUDING YOU bc why won’t he just admit it??!??

will flirt to his heart’s content but i think he’d be one of the least likely to confess... there’s no crackin this guy. sry :/

san

the development of san’s feelings requires give and take.

i can see him getting a crush on somebody who takes the time to appreciate him and everything he brings to the table

while simultaneously making him feel needed

so he probably became more attracted the more you gassed him up, praised him, looked ONLY at him.. if you’re both chatting with a group of people he’ll mostly be making eye contact w you the whole time

not that he’s vain!!!! do not misunderstand me! 

it’s just that san’s the type to be constantly making sure the people around him feel welcome and comfortable in his presence and he’d want someone to do the same for him. i think it’s all about balance for him

would probably beam internally if you singled him out to help with your dance practice :)

would alllllwaaaays be showing off for you. and would be so aware of your presence even if you weren’t paying attention to each other

i think he’d only confess if he was fairly certain that you felt the same way too. he’s a sensitive boy ok

mingi

ok this is gonna sound bad at first but hear me out: mingi’s a leo, and leos are visual creatures...

the first time he saw you it nearly made his heart leap out of his chest because you are SO his type

a smiley, giggley bumbling idiot around you....just cannot get over how pretty you are. so pretty it makes him dumb

will wanna look good for you always

isn’t usually the type to care about his appearance but like if he hears you’re coming over in 10 minutes and he’s not ready and bare-faced and his room’s a pig pen and he hasn’t brushed his hair he’ll FLIP 

screams at the other members “THERES NO TIME!!lkkkdk@ PICK +UP YOUR SHIT!!!!!! IS THERE ANYTHING STUCK IN MY TEETH???” big dramatic baby

would take the plunge even if he had no idea whether you felt the same or not, and confess in a really cheesy (but charming) way

(it may even be in public and you’ll wanna die from embarrassment but you’re also too happy to care)

would be REALLY sad and embarrassed if you said no... so don’t!!!!!

wooyoung

woo’s crush would manifest itself to the point where y’all become a couple but you don’t even realize it tbh

it’ll only come to the surface for him once you’ve reached a point in your friendship where you’re so comfortable w each other 

the type to flirt platonically until all of a sudden it’s like uh wait do we mean it?? 

the once innocent flirting seems a lot more loaded now... a lot more intentional, emotionally charged

may give you whiplash from how quickly things change, almost overnight.

i think he’d eventually put everything out on the table - how he feels about you, what he wants - it’d almost be like “take it or leave it”

i’m not trying to make him seem like a player cause i don’t think he is at all! but he is impatient, and he knows what he wants. and what he wants is you binch!!! (i love you, bitch, i aint ever gonna stop loving you.... bitch)

so yeah he’d confess randomly and you’d be like shocked pikachu face

jongho

jong is a tough one tbh.

he’s one of the more mature members and i think that’d translate into how he’d approach his feelings for someone

i also think he’d be overwhelmed by those feelings too.

so he’d probably hide how he really felt from you for awhile, so he had some time to reflect on it, and get used to it, because it’s a big deal to him. i don’t think he’d take crushes lightly

he’d still be his charming, sweet self - he’d constantly dote on you, would love hearing about the events of your day, make you feel special..

but he still wouldn’t be afraid to debate with you or challenge you

his feelings would grow the more you reciprocated and got to know him. he’d really feed on that energy

i believe he’d be more likely to confess than the majority of his members, and more confident in himself, because it’s something important to him

he’d be the most likely to want to do one-on-one things with you... they wouldn’t be outright DATES, but he wouldn’t pretend otherwise either. he’d make sure you knew what his intentions were

jongho is a whole ass man tbh

#ateez scenarios #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #yunho scenarios #yeosang scenarios #san scenarios #mingi scenarios #wooyoung scenarios #jongho scenarios #mine #ateez headcanons #ateez #ateez imagines #ateez fluff

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 55

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA 

(FINAL CHAPTER)

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49 || CHAPTER 50 || CHAPTER 51 || CHAPTER 52 || CHAPTER 53 || CHAPTER 54

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified the sequel is posted, message me!

- note for this chapter: i mean, this is it. this is the end. not really because you all know theres a sequel but its still super big to me. ive been writing for 22 years and its the very first time i finish a real story. im super proud of this story and it has over 220k words, which is something i’ve obviously never done before. im also super happy to post this last chapter on the same day Niall’s second album comes out. idk why i just think its cool lmao! 

i would appreciate so so soooo so much your comments for this chapter but also what you think will happen in the sequel or what you want to happen in the sequel. also, anything about the characters, the storyline, the ending... honestly, whatever comes to your mind about this story, good or bad, comments or suggestions... please send it to me! thank you!!!

okay so here it is. :D

Chapter 55 : Her FINAL chapter

OLIVIA

I ended up rushing outside and walking as fast as I could. It took me a few seconds to realize it was pouring outside but it didn't really matter. Nothing really mattered. I was crying but I was still walking fast, letting the tears fall down my cheeks and the sobs getting out of my mouth without shame. It was only after about 10 minutes of walk that i realized I didn't even take my car but when that realization came to me, I still didn't give a fuck.

I was mad at Niall for hurting me and mad at myself for making him the center of my universe for so long. I was so lost without him. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't know who I was, who I wanted to be... I didn't know how to breathe or how to live. I was so pissed at myself for giving one person so much power over me and I hated it. Niall could live without me, he could breathe, he knew who he was and what he wanted, and he had proved it only a few minutes ago. And that made me realize that I was completely wrong about love. It isn't to make one with the person you love. Your lover shouldn't be your other half. Even if the thought sounded incredibly romantic, when you took the time to think about it, it was ridiculous. I was someone without Niall, I just didn't know who yet.

That simple concept made my heart jump in my chest and I started running. I ran fast, feeling my backpack hit the bottom of my back with every step. I ran as fast as I could until my throat burned, until my legs hurt. The sound of my feet on the cement as it echoed on the walls of the houses around seemed to go in rhythm with the beatings of my heart and when I'd run in a pool of water, I heard it splash on me until the bottom of my sweatpants were soaked. In fact, when I stopped running, I was completely drenched and totally out of breath. I stopped because the person I was looking for was standing only a few meters away from me. He was panting too, I could see his chest raise up and down quickly as he tried to catch his breath and my eyes roamed on him until I noticed locks of his hair stuck on his forehead because of the rain. He was soaked too and I swallowed hard. Seeing him so vulnerable made me realize that's probably how I looked too. I felt my own hair stick to my face and my shirt to my back.

"Olivia."

He had talked a bit louder than usual, trying to make his voice reach me despite the distance and the noise of the rain hitting the paving of the sidewalk where we were both standing.

"I was... I was going to see you." he explained, still panting. "I just... I needed to talk to you. I was sitting on the couch and I just... I rushed out."

My legs had brought me to him while his were also bringing him to me and that thought made me sob. I brought my hand to my mouth to stop it until I saw him start crying too. He was literally weeping in front of me and I wanted to run to him and take him in my arms but I was motionless, like stuck in quicksand.

"Olivia, I got a girl pregnant." he added even louder in-between sobs.

I kept staring at him and swallowed with difficulty again before my lips parted.

"Niall broke up with me."

I don't know how long we stayed just away from each other, standing in the rain but at some point, I felt a shiver run across my back and after half a second, I was in his arms. He held me close, his arms wrapped around my neck and his forehead leaning on the top of my head. He smelled good, he felt great and when he cried again, I squeezed him tighter against me.

The rain kept falling over us but neither of us cared. We just held onto each other while everything was falling apart around us and we were each other's only hope. He brought me inside after a while and let me borrow some clothes, leaving me alone in his room to get changed. I took my clothes off and used the towel he gave me to dry my body. I quickly put his sweatpants and shirt on and started rubbing the towel in my hair as I walked very slowly around his room.

It was modern and classy, just like him, and I always liked the nice and soft carpet he had picked. I let my feet brush on it as I reached the other side of the bed, suddenly curious. There was a bunch of pictures in his room, pictures of his family and friends but there was one small frame that was turned face down on the bedside table. I took it and stared for a few seconds at the smiling faces of Louis and Eleanor, feeling myself tear up again. Two love stories were now ruined and over and I didn't understand what exactly had happened to us.

I sighed and put the frame back exactly where it was before going to the bathroom and hanging the towels behind the door. I came back to the room and smiled slightly as I pushed a pile of dirty clothes on the side and went back to the living room. Louis had made tea and mine was waiting for me on the coffee table. He was sitting down and I noticed he had changed too. His hair, unlike mine, was almost dry already and when he felt my presence, he turned to me and made a quick head movement to incite me to get closer. I breathed in and joined him on the couch, taking the mug with both hands to warm myself a bit before bringing it to my lips.

"Lady grey." I whispered, the left corner of my lips rising a bit.

"With a cloud of milk and no sugar." he added. "Your favorite."

I turned to him and tilted my head.

"Sugar ruins tea." I pointed out as he answered my smile.

"It does, darlin'."

I loved Louis. Everything was so simple with him, even more than with Harry. Perhaps the fact that Louis and I were only friends helped too. I was never only friends with Harry, and I was never only friends with Niall. There were always some romantic or lust feelings involved. I stared at Louis and blinked a few times before taking a few more sips of my tea. The hot beverage warmed my whole body but couldn't get rid of the persistent ache in my heart, unfortunately.

"Do you think it'll always hurt like that?"

"Yes."

It was not the answer I expected and he probably read it in my face because he moved a bit to sit better and face me. I was desperate for human contact and I just wanted to cuddle him but I waited, the fingers of one of my hands playing nervously with the fabric of the couch.

"He's your soulmate just like El is my soulmate." he explained and I could swear I heard his voice crack. "It'll hurt forever."

I swallowed again but felt a tear run down my cheek without wiping it off.

"What are we gonna do, Louis?"

He looked down at his lap and sighed loud. We were both sad and lost and we had no idea what to do with our pain. I moved a bit closer and grabbed his hand on the back of the couch. Immediately, he squeezed my fingers with his.

"I don't know, Liv." he admitted, shaking his head. "And I don't think we'll find out tonight."

I nodded, keeping his hand in mine, as a bunch of thoughts invaded my mind. Would I see Niall again? Would I even be able to be around him without crying or hurting? That didn't seem likely. How would I react when i'd see him with an other girl? Whether I still kept him in my life or not, i'll know about the girls he dates since it'll be all over the net. Niall is discreet, it's true, but he can't hide forever. Plus, we have a few common friends, including Louis.

"Why didn't you fight?" I heard, taking me out of my thoughts. "That's not you Olivia, you always fight for what you want."

I sent him a sad smile and shrugged, running my thumb on top of his hand as I stared at it.

"I saw his face, Louis. It was not a random decision. It was well-thought. It's something he had in mind for a while. I couldn't have done anything about it."

An other moment of silence and I licked my lips.

"Is it Briana?" I wondered in a low tone, looking up only to see him nod slowly. "Is she gonna keep it?"

"Yes."

My heart jumped in my chest. "When did you find out?"

"A week ago."

I raised my eyebrows up in surprise, a bit hurt that he hadn't told me before but I also knew I was the first person he told and that made me feel special. I shouldn't make this about me, it was selfish of me, but it felt good nonetheless to have someone who trusts me, loves me and wants me in his life.

"What are you gonna do?"

Louis sighed again and moved on his seat without letting go of my hand.

"The best I can." he shook his head, still avoiding my eyes. "I'll be the best father in the world."

His answer made me smile and I tilted my head, staring at him. There was something about Louis, something strong and rough. He was a hard-shell with a soft core and it was probably the only thing we didn't really have in common.

"There's no doubt you'll be the best father on the planet."

His lips curled as he kept staring down and I started thinking about Niall again and that time we had talked about having kids. I felt something stir in my stomach and swallowed again to get rid of the nauseous feeling hitting me. I didn't want a family with anyone else and I closed my eyes, trying to mourn the perfect life I've always wanted.

"I wish I had kissed him one last time." I whispered, feeling more tears coming to my eyes. "I missed that chance. I miss how he tastes, how he smells. I miss him."

"You would always hope for 'one last time', Liv. You'd always want an other 'one last kiss'."

He was right but I didn't tell him, instead, I looked down and sniffed before licking my lips.

"I don't even know why he broke up with me. He just said he was not ready to commit, that he knew we'd last forever and he was not ready for that. To me, it makes no fucking sense. When you love someone, you don't care about the other people you could sleep with, you don't care about your freedom because you are free." I tried to explain, getting a bit worked up. "I didn't stop him from doing anything, did I? Was I a crazy, jealous, controlling girlfriend?"

This time, I looked up when I felt Louis move closer. His eyes found mine and he blinked a few times, letting go of my hand to cup my face. I could feel his breath on my face and my lips parted.

"Some people are ready to do anything to prove to themselves that they're not trapped." he let out slowly and in a low tone. "It's on them. Not on you."

My eyes roamed on his face and my heart skipped a beat. I loved that man so much and he deserved so much better than all this pain. I felt his thumbs brush gently on my skin and nodded slowly. Louis always said what he thought when you asked him for an opinion and he always told you things you didn't want to hear but needed to. That, we had in common, that's why this friendship was so real and raw, and also why we got along so well. We were also not touchy or easily offended, which helped.

He moved back a bit and I felt his fingers brush my face as they slid down.

"I know we'd normally get drunk off our asses, but i'm too tired to get pissed. Tomorrow?" His eyebrows raised up and I just nodded. "You can take my bed, it's more comfortable. I'll take the guest room."

"No Louis, it's fine I can-"

"Shut up, princess." he cut me quickly, frowning even more this time. "You take my bed and that's it."

I felt my lips curl and just nodded. He winked at me and smiled before getting up and I followed him slowly to his room. I watched him grab the covers and gripped his elbow quickly.

"Louis, I'm not disgusted by your sheets, you don't have to change them."

He sighed and looked at me for a few seconds before nodding.

"If you're hungry, you take anything in the kitchen, if you need meds or anything, it's in the bathroom. Basically, take anything you need okay? It's all good with me."

I nodded and he pushed the covers before I sat in bed. It took me a minute or two but I finally lied down and brought the blankets on me, feeling tears coming to my eyes again. I didn't want to be alone, it scared me like hell, and if I was about to cry all night, I didn't want to do it by myself.

"Goodnight, Olivia." he just said, turning the light off as he walked out.

Something jumped in my stomach and I sat up quickly.

"Louis!"

He turned around to look at me and our eyes met. I held my breath and licked my lips, unsure if he could see me in the dark but I could clearly see him because of the lights from the hall, illuminating him.

"Please, stay, okay?"

It seemed like I waited an hour just looking at him, waiting for him to reject me but in the end, he nodded and walked away. He turned the lights off and I watched his shadow walk back into the room. My eyes followed him as he got around the bed and under the covers with me. I turned his way and moved closer without touching him and he did the same as we remained silent. I blinked a few times until I got used to the darkness and finally sighed loud.

"Can we spoon?"

"We can spoon."

I turned around, untwisting my shirt and he waited until I stopped wiggling to wrap his arm around me. I closed my eyes and for a few seconds, I imagined I was in Niall's arms, in his bed, but the fantasy was hard to keep. The truth was, it didn't feel the same because Louis was not Niall. No one was Niall.

"I wish I was with El right now. I wish she was the one pregnant with my child." Louis whispered, probably trying to convince himself that the girl he was spooning was the girl he was in love with and not his best friend.

"I wish I was with Niall, right now. I wish he loved me more than his freedom."

"I don't know how to deal with the pain, Livi." he whispered, his voice cracking despite how low it was. "I don't know how to get back up and move forward."

"I wish I could help you but I don't know either."

"I just want to ease the pain." he let out quickly. "At first, getting drunk and high worked but the more I do it, the less it works. I could beg you, Livi, help me."

My heart started aching and I shut my eyes tight as I swallowed.

"I've always dealt with pain the same way, and it's a very very bad way, Louis." I confessed, shaking my head. "It's toxic."

"Tell me."

I rolled on my back and he stared down at me, his hand now laying on my stomach. I wanted to move it away from me but the way his pinky brushed against the skin of my stomach did something to me, something it really shouldn't do.

"I don't know, Louis."

"Does it work?" he asked, and despite how dark it was, I could see hope in his eyes.

"Mmhm." i just answered, now daring to talk.

"For how long?"

My lips parted and I shrugged. "A few hours, it depends."

"I'll take a few painless hours." he insisted. "Please."

Slowly, I reached for his hands under the covers and slid it up on my stomach. I couldn't believe I was doing that and I knew I risked a lot. I risked the only strong friendship I had left. Whether we did anything or not, it could make things awkward between us and that thought was scary as hell. I had lost Niall, I couldn't bare to lose Louis, too. Right before his hand reached my breasts, I pushed it away and shook my head. I was not ready to risk that.

"Forget it, it's a bad idea." I closed my eyes, trying to get my heartbeats back to a normal pace.

"Fuck no."

My heart skipped an other beat as it jumped in my chest and I felt his hand move back to my stomach. His fingers brushed on my skin and I felt my eyes flutter. I didn't know why, but I wanted this.

"That's how you deal?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Fuck the pain away?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"You said you slept with nine persons in your life but it wasn't true, right?"

Slowly, his hand traveled my stomach and I just shrugged slightly.

"Only nine that mattered." I explained in a whisper. "The others don't count. It doesn't count if I don't know your name."

"You know my name." he murmured, moving his face a bit closer. "Do you want to make it ten?"

I sent him a smile and chuckled very low. Fuck yes I wanted it, but the fact that he did too was laughable.

"You can close your eyes and pretend i'm someone else." I just let out, licking my lips again. "I won't be mad, I know i'm not your type."

"Who said that?"

I brought my hand to his face and pressed my palm on his stubble.

"I've seen the girls you fancy." I shrugged again. "It doesn't matter, it's just to push the pain away for a while, yea? We'll be best friends again tomorrow, right?"

"And we'll never talk about it again if that's what you want."

I laughed a bit, feeling suddenly nervous, and moved my hand in his hair. I felt my fingers slip in it as I pushed his head my way gently.

"I heard i'm not so bad of a lay so, just leave the lights off and you'll be fine."

This time, he's the one who laughed.

"Are you gonna imagine i'm Niall?" he asked, making me frown.

"No!" I let out a bit too loud. "I want to forget about him for an hour, that would be counterproductive."

"Then why do you think i'd want to imagine someone else?" he asked again. "You think so low of yourself all the fooking time, Olivia."

By then, his hand had reached my breasts and I noticed it was under my shirt. He ran his hand on one and I felt my inner thighs throb so hard I almost whimpered.

"Okay, we can try, and if it doesn't work..."

"It's already working."

My lips parted slightly and my eyes roamed on his face. He moved closer but it's only when his lips pressed on mine that I closed my eyes. Slowly and gently, his lips parted mine and I never thought I needed affection as bad as I did. It had been only a few hours since Niall broke up with me but I felt so lonely and craving this intimacy with someone was not something that should surprise me. Louis was not anyone, anyway, and sharing that with him, although a bit awkward, felt better than I thought, even if I had never really thought about it before that night.

I thought he'd be more the impatient, rough and cheeky kind of guy but his hand traveled so slowly on me it took everything in me not to beg him to go quicker. I felt his fingertips brush against my nipple and my whole body started throbbing. I was desperate to be touched, desperate to be loved, desperate to feel alive.. and Louis was doing just that.

I sucked my stomach in when his hand ran down but spread my legs when he slipped his hand in my sweatpants. My back arched immediately at his touch, his whole hand pressing on my pussy until I felt two of his fingers slip inside me. This time, I held my breath and tensed as his mouth left mine. He brushed his lips down my neck and I slipped my hand in his hair. He smelled good, he tasted good, and I tried to suppress the image of Niall that quickly came to my mind without much success. I started tearing up and swallowed hard but when Louis brought his lips back on mine, I relaxed suddenly.

"I know you like it rough and hard but this is not what we need tonight, is it?" he whispered, his lips brushing against mine as he talked.

I shook my head and brought his closer, crushing his lips against mine. It should have hurt but it made me lust him even more and I let my hand travel to his neck and down his chest until it reached his sweatpants too. I heard him groan low and it made me feel dizzy. I pressed my hand on the front of his pants and felt him grind against it as my lips parted again and I started panting. I was excited and impatient but I didn't know if it was because of what I was about to do with Louis, or if it was because I knew I wouldn't feel pain for a while. Perhaps it was a bit of both.

I felt him move my pants down and helped him, pushing them with my feet at the bottom of the bed. I took my shirt off quickly as he did the same and after I pushed his pants down too, he quickly moved on top of me. I spread my legs and ground up without thinking, feeling his hard cock press on my inner thighs but I held my breath when he started kissing down my neck and chest. He gave a special attention to my tummy and it surprised me a bit but I couldn't seem to relax at all, feeling suddenly insecure. I wanted to tell him he didn't have to do that, that we could just make out and fuck, but his lips pressed on my pussy and I let out a curse word. I thought he'd go fast but he moved his lips and tongue so slowly on me that I felt my eyes roll back. I slid my hand under the blanket and found the back of his head only to press his face more on my pussy. I started seeing spots behind my eyelids and I knew I was getting close. I felt one of my legs start shaking and gripped his hair tight when an orgasm hit me hard.

"Oh my god!"

He didn't stop, he kept moving his tongue on me for a while, even after I relaxed, and I enjoyed the post-orgasm attention. He finally got back out of the covers and kissed me again, his mouth leaving an aftertaste of my orgasm on my own tongue.

"Mm, lay down okay?" I whispered, allowing our mouths to part briefly. "Your turn."

His kisses were getting more passionate and impatient and when he let out a low "No", I frowned.

"No?"

"I can't. Not now." he whispered again, kissing me harder. "You taste fookin' good, you know that?"

That confession made me smile and made my heart jump at the same time. I lost my smile when I felt him push himself slowly inside me and wrapped my arms around his chest as I moved my knees up.

"Oh god, fuck me." I whispered, feeling him smirk against my mouth.

"That's the plan."

I chuckled and he pushed himself completely inside me, making my head move back as I whimpered. I was impatient and I ran my hands on his back as I ground up again to feel him deeper.

"You feel... so fucking good."

He didn't answer, he just kissed me harder his elbows leaning on the mattress on each side of my head , and I brought my hands behind me on the wall to move in motion with him as he started thrusting in and out of me, slowly at first but quicker and harder until I felt close to an other orgasm.

"Oh fuck i'm gonna cum again." I murmured, bringing one of my hands to his hair again.

"Do it princess, cum for me, I want to feel you clench around me."

His words and his voice made me reach my peak immediately and I started shaking beneath him, my lips parted as his reached for my neck. He started biting me, amplifying my orgasm as I felt him reach his. His thrusts became unsteady and rough when he tried to push himself deeper before he just stopped moving. I could feel his body tremble slightly and when he finally relaxed, I kept my eyes closed. I was on the verge of tears and I was not even sure why.

Louis rolled away from me as we both lied down on our backs, watching the ceiling. I was suddenly scared that it had changed something between us, something that meant that we could never go back to that friendship we had.

"It worked. I'm not in pain right now." he admitted as I shut my eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them again.

"I'm okay too."

He found my hand between us on the mattress and squeezed my fingers tight. I didn't know if this was a good idea but it did serve the purpose and for now, that was going to be enough.

"Why didn't you want me to blow you?"

He chuckled and finally turned his head my way. It took me a few seconds but I did the same and when our eyes met, I realized he was smirking and it made me smile.

"You said it only stopped the pain for about an hour, yea?" he asked, making me nod and frown. "I'm keeping it for round two. If you're willing, of course."

I let my eyes roam on his face again and I smiled more, bringing my hand to his cheek.

"I am."

                                         --

Surprisingly, we ended up having sex a few times on that night, in-between a few hours of slumber and cuddling, and when I woke up, I turned around in bed to hide my face from the sun only to realize he was not in bed anymore. I kept my eyes close and my heart started aching again but I breathed in deeply and finally sat up and rubbed my eyes. I was still naked and searched the bed for my clothes before I actually found them on the floor, and quickly put them back on.

I walked to the kitchen with a yawn as I pulled on my hair without much success. Louis turned to me and smiled when our eyes met.

"Nice hair, princess." he chuckled. "That's what your sex hair looks like... Interesting!"

"You're such an arse I swear." I grimaced, amused, as I let myself fall on one of this chairs. "Are you really making breakfast?"

"Bacon, eggs, and toasts." he explained, putting a plate in front of me. "Nothing too fancy."

I let out a laugh when I noticed he made eyes with the eggs and a mouth with the bacon, making him smile more.

"You're an idiot, Tommo." I just said with a chuckle. "But thank you."

"For the breakfast?"

"And for last night."

He stopped moving completely but stared down at his plate and suddenly, I felt extremely guilty. I had ruined things between us just like I was scared I had and I swallowed hard. I couldn't lose Louis, I couldn't handle losing him.

"Shit, you regret it, don't you?"

He looked up and his eyes met mine before he frowned and shook his head a bit.

"Olivia, we had sex five fucking times. You don't regret five fucks that happened on the same night." he pointed out, making me breathe out the air I wasn't even aware I was holding. "I just thought we wouldn't talk about it anymore, I thought that's what you wanted."

It took me a few seconds to answer and I just licked my lips.

"It happened. I don't regret it. And I sure as hell won't forget it." I explained, shrugging a shoulder. "I'm just scared it'll change things between us."

"It won't. You're my best friend. That won't change."

I sent him a small smile and nodded, feeling a bit relieved. I knew I would be sure that nothing had changed between us only after a few days of hanging out like we used to but I trusted Louis and I knew he'd tell me if he thought things were different now.

"What are you gonna do now?"

We had both heard and asked this question a lot in the past 12 hours but I just sighed again, shaking my head.

"I'm just gonna... survive for a while I guess." I explained, taking a sip of my coffee. "And then i'll just... i'll work on myself. There are so many parts of me I noticed when I was with Niall, so many things I felt, so many flaws I have... that I need to work on. I think that's what i'll do. Work on meself."

When I looked up at my best friend, he was smiling. Not smirking the way he usually does, but sincerely smiling and it made me smile too.

"I know I always call you 'princess' but... you just turned into a 'queen' now."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Why? Because of what we did last night?"

"No, silly!" he chuckled and rolled his eyes too. "But what you just said? That's wise. It's actually inspiring me."

"Then let's both do that." I suggested. "We need to take care of ourselves, do things we like, work on us and... and find out who we really are. Who we are without them, as a whole... as complete human beings."

He tilted his head and his eyes became smaller as he studied me.

"Let's do that, queen." he agreed with a nod, making me grin even more. "Love you."

"Love you too."

#niall horan #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #amc #some tags i cant add without spoiling this lol #oh god im so excited to post this ndjhsgajhsdgukadshxf

[many-gay-magpies]

Smh i should really stop talking to my mom about anxiety/mental stuff because every time it only makes me feel worse

I love my mom a lot but like . sometimes there are just things that get on my nerves even though i love her. I kinda feel bad because like she tries so hard to understand and says she understands and I know she DOES to a degree so I feel bad for lowkey thinking like the whiny teenager all like "yOu DoN't UnDeRsTaNd Me" sometimes, y'know? Like the bottom line is our brains just work really really differently a lot of the time and she either wants to believe or genuinely believes that they dont

Every time I talk to her about my (non-clinical, probably) anxiety and what caused it (this girl bullying me for six years) she goes on to mention all the ways she was bullied as a kid and all the terrible shit she's gone through to say in the end "so I understand" when like all of that shit is way different from my experience so every time she says it inside I'm just like "yes but actually no"

Like, today i was talking about my bully to her and how I've started realizing that all my responses now are responses i was forced to give as a kid because of the situation i was in with my bully, and she went in depth and told me (all stuff she had already told me about before and also when i had been talking about my anxiety stuffs before) about how her mom forced her to sleep in curlers so she would have banana curls and made her wear dresses and how she got mugged really bad when she was older and all this stuff that is very valid trauma and sucks ass and i thank her for trying to understand me but at the same time all the shit that happened to her was surface level. Neither of us could control what was happening to us, because her mom made her dress like that and I couldn't just make this girl suddenly not have issues, but like a dress is still something you can change??? Take off??? Like it isnt attatched to you as a person. I cant change the fact that i exist, which this girl bullying me apparently hated me for. To her my existence was just like "oh i must hurt this person" not because of what i wore, what i looked like, etc etc.

She also kept subtly bringing up the fact that i had never been PHYSICALLY hurt by my bully and implying that because she HAD her pain was worse and i could have had it worse if my bully physically hurt me and ACTED on the threats to hurt me (which my mom's bullies did) and while yes that was true . My bully didn't threaten to physically hurt me at all so there were no threats TO act on she just talked to me like i was shit all the time and beat my self esteem about my personality into a meaningless pulp . I kind of wanted to scream in my moms face "YOUR PAIN WAS MOSTLY PHYSICAL WHILE MINE WAS EMOTIONAL, BOTH ARE VALID AND DIFFERENT" but i know she does know that-- but maybe it would have gotten the point across idk

I wish so badly that i could just tell my mom "I dont want/need you to understand, i just need you to be here" and like i could but . I'm not there yet

(Warning ahead, I'm sorry if this gets really long but like I wanna get it off my chest before i go to sleep bcs i feel like ill sleep better if i do)

Another thing that annoys me is that??? Every time??? I say something??? Or tell her how I'm feeling at the moment??? She just asks me??? "Why?"??? And yes its good to talk about stuff but I'm trying to explain to you in a polite way why i want to leave the conversation and that its making me uncomfortable and i just want to go to bed and you just go "but why are you uncomfortable?" Or like if i tell her I'm upset and i want to stop talking about it she goes "why are you upset? I dont want you to be upset" and I'm just. I literally just said i dont want to talk about this anymore can i please leave you cant control that I'm upset about this because continuing talking to you is just going to make me more upset because no matter what way i try to explain it i cant get my points across right to you and i dont want to say you dont understand bcs thats immature but you kind of dont understand

I want to tell her "This conversation isnt having the outcome i wanted it to have and i want to leave it before it makes me more upset so that i can go think on it for later" but I'm sure if i do. that shed just go "but WHY arent you happy with the conversation tell me so i can fix it" and if i tell her blatantly what is making me unhappy (the fact that she keeps saying she understands and pouring stories of her traumas onto me to "prove" that she understands) then she's going to guilt trip me when were talking in the future by emphasizing the fact that i dont like when she talks a certain way and be all like "oh i wont tell you about my OWN experiences though because you said you don't LIKE when I DO that" and i just hhhhhh

Like every time i tell her she doesnt understand and try to explain it in a way that she WILL and it'll finally click it just. Doesn't and it makes me feel so defeated because every time i do that she just circles back around to "well i experienced all these types of trauma so i totally understand" and i appreciate the effort but that just isnt the kind of support i needed to make me feel content

And also when i was talking to her tonight i told her about a specific instance that happened in like 1rst or 4th grade where I was crying because the girl bullying me was just in one of those. Bad Moods™ where like she hated me for existing and talked to me like i was a piece of trash she had stepped in or smth and then she and a couple other kids asked me WHY I WAS CRYING and I didn't want to tell her "hey I'm crying because you keep hurting me and i dont want you to" because if i said that she would just hurt me MORE so i made up a lie on the spot and said that my parents had a small argument (I'm a sensitive kid and will cry at the barest hint of conflict between my parents so it checked out) and i was crying because of it and . Out of that ENTIRE STORY the one thing my mom zeroed in on was the fact that i told a lie that "painted my parents in a bad light"

Just. Like. Yeah. It did. But I wasn't even thinking about that at the moment?? Like it didn't even cross my mind??? The only thing i was thinking about was that i was scared and in danger and i probably would have said anything to get OUT of that danger (as fake or ill-perceived it might have been). But no, even later on after i had explained that in basically those exact words she still went back around to say "oh if it was bad enough that you told a lie about your parents to get out of it then she REALLY fucked you up"

Which??? By the way??? Is a whole other reason why i try not to talk to my mom about this shit??? Because every time i open up about it and want to have a conversation in a more logical/organized/"well here's the situation and here's what we can do about it" kind of way she always turns it around and says stuff like "damn [REDACTED] really fucked you up didn't she" and "I didn't know it was that bad"/"I didn't know it effected you that bad, you should have said something!" which. Makes me Feel Bad™, for some reason way more than my dad excitedly talking about reptile and monkey brains and how stuff that happened to us in the past is engrained into our brain and still effects us now, like instinct

She also always turns all of my stuff talking about emotions into "oh you're just a teenager" "you're pms'ing" "you'll grow out of it later"

Like one time i told her that her mind was always in the past or the future, always worrying about the past or the future, never in the present, in response to her worrying a bunch about something and how i had my mind in the present more often and her response was something along the lines of "well you're like that because you're young and a teenager, you CAN stay thinking in the present because you dont have all that stuff to worry about like an adult does, I'm an adult and i work a bunch so i constantly have stuff to worry about" and like. Yeah theres some solidity to that. But also i literally talked about that exact thing with my dad and HE said her brain was always in the past/future and never the present so I'm pretty sure its not just a teen vs adult thing

And then towards the end of this whole thing when i had finally managed to tell her "hey I'm uncomfortable in this conversation can i please leave and go to bed" and even further explained that it was because i went into this wanting to have a more casual/logic-based talk rather than an emotional discussion and . she's kind of of the mind that "why did you bring it up if you didn't want to have a deep emotional discussion about it" and I'm just HHHNNNNGGGG but also i actually DIDNT mention it, first i was mentioning how id been having sensory overload lately and how certain sounds of words hurt and then she said i should have a doctor check that out and then i said "I've been reading up on anxiety and sensory overload is a part of that so i figured that's just what it was" (bcs my dad gets sensory overload a lot too) which then ensued a ten-minute conversation about how i probably dont have clinical anxiety because mine isnt as bad as/like all the many, many people my mom has known who DO have it (throughout which i kept trying to tell her "just social anxiety exists too tho" to which she would respond "yea but u dont have these symptoms of general anxiety so i dont think u have it" and while i hope and think i dont i was just like HHHHHHH because i mean social anxiety and by social anxiety I DO NOT MEAN GENERAL ANXIETY YOU CAN HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY WITHOUT HAVING GENERAL at least i think idk i might be wrong) which i ended by saying "i probably dont have clinical anxiety but i do believe my brain has been wired to react to certain situations based on how i had to react to those situations for six years" which then lead to me talking more about my bully and my mom pretty much siphoning as much emotional vulnerability and opening up out of me as she could

And then at the end i told her "can i please leave i kind of feel like crying and i dont want to do it in front of a person at the moment" (because I haven't cried in a few months and i feel like I'm in need of a good cry tbh which in itself is something she doesnt really understand) which lead her to go "why do you feel like crying now I'm worried for you" and HHHHHHEBDJBEHNDEJHBDNEHDBEH yeah--

There's probably more i could say but I'm not going to, because its almost 1 am and while i had actually been about to sleep early at like ten she ended up roping me into an hour or two long talk about emotions, which is. Fun. And i have to get up in six hours so I'm going to go to bed. Sorry if this was a mess which I'm sure it is, i really just needed to get this out there lol

Also when i went to my dad after this to say goodnight (i actually like talking to my dad abt this stuff a lot since his brain and mine are just really similar) he gave me this lil smile and just said "deep breaths" and that made me feel better

#magpie thoughts #and at the end she started doing that thing where she acts silly to try and make me happy and not feel like crying which is a good sentiment #but like i WANTED to cry tonight and now im not in the mood anymore #magpie rants

[carnifcrous]

could you give me a rundown on what being gender critical is? i get the basics i think but if you don’t mind explaining your views?

oh boy anon i’ll sure try!! idk if im the best person to talk about it tbh and ive confused a lot of people trying to explain my views before ahfjkfh but ill try REALLY hard to keep my adhd ass in check lmfao. if theres anything i said thats confusing & you need cleared up feel free to @ me againi dont know how long gender critical has existed as a concept, but i wouldnt be surprised if it was developed as a reaction to a certain VERY vocal part of the trans movement/trans rights activists

(so when you talk to people (trans ppl) about gender i think people usually break it down into several a few categories: gender identity, gender roles, and gender expression. i think most trans people are aware of & separate their sex from their gender identity, the identity being something innately part of every person, the roles generally speaking the bullshit that society expects & should be rejected, and gender expression really just being the traditional “feminine” or “masculine” behaviors/dress you use regardless of your innate identity.in trans circles/lgbt (merch, lol) sites i’ve seen the phrase passed around “gender is a social construct.” i think trans people who do/used to say that meant it kind of like that since gender was created by societies so it doesn’t matter how you identify/why not expand the understanding of gender (ergo, non-binary genders getting popularized). i think this fell out of popularity because it was transppls attempt to validate ourselves and conservatives cant wrap their mind around social constructs are/the distinction between sex and gender and so it wasnt really working out lmfaobut now there’s been some scientific studies getting popularized that have Suggested the existences of male & female brains and that trans ppl have the brain of their identified gender, therefore the disconnect between their brain and their body manifests as gender dysphoria. (i think the transmed community has especially taken to this idea esp because of kalvin garrah discovering these studies & now kind of preaching them as facts & science. with this comes him, his friends, and all the transmed ppl who stan him ryan and london saying that Gender Isnt Socially Constructed)then theres the posts circling around here saying Transwomen Are Women/Real Women + when the women’s march happened in america after trump got elected, i saw quite a few things on facebook where ppl were saying that all the talk of vaginas and shit were transphobic and trans-exclusionary and they should keep in mind that not all women have vaginas, etc etcthen u have what i believe (or at least hope) are outliers in the trans community being dug up (usually transwomen) who say........ The Most ridiculous shit imo. like saying theyre more of a woman than ciswomen (i’ll use cis strictly to mean not-trans in the context of this post), transwomen claiming theyre having a period, and just in general perpetuating “cotton ceiling” stuff like lesbians just needing to get over their transphobia to be with a pre-op transwoman. (again i would like to reiterate i DO NOT believe this is what the majority of transpeople believe, its just a vocal minority thats gotten attention from receipt blogs IMO.))**sorry that this post is already becoming an essay and if its derailing from the question, but this is what i think gender critical stuff is meant to react toso kind of in opposition to mainstream ideas of what gender is, i think radfems/gender critical people dont really break down gender into the different things like identity, roles and expression. from my understanding, gender was socially constructed based on sex stereotypes. i think we can all agree that stereotypes are Bad, so why should we identify with some set stereotypes?

the gender critical beliefs is that there’s not right or wrong way to be male or female (male and female in this post meaning to strictly refer to biological sex). gender is holding us back by continuing to subscribe to sex stereotypes and is counterproductive to building a society where people are free to express themselves however they like. (a lot of gender critical ppl equate gender identity with personality, and while i think this can sometimes be the case w nondysphoric people & mogai genders, it isn’t always and usually isnt, because as i mentioned before, a lot of ppl know enough to say that gender expression is something independent of gender identity.)as for my personal take on it & how it plays a part of my life (apologies that this is going to get super anecdotal):this all is related to my own transition. since questioning being trans, i fluctuated between different non-binary identities. i didnt think i was Trans Enough to call myself a transmale because i didnt want to kill myself over not having a penis (or even trans enough to call myself trans at all lol), so i thought i needed to stay as being nb. then i realized they/them pronouns did...... nothing for me. the whole time i had she/they/he or they/he in a profile i was always secretly hoping someone would just call me he lol.

but i felt like i was an insult to REAL transmen. it took me a while to realize that i didnt care too much about the specifics, i just needed to do what made me happy. that happiness was being read as male & using he/him pronouns.

but even then id still struggle. id have moments of thinking that i was just copying my best friend (who had a similar nb -> binary transmale path as me), or that i didnt even feel like a boy, that i was STILL faking being trans, that i should feel more of x y & z, that id made a mistake with starting testosterone, etc. reading radfem/gender critical stuff used to trigger the fuck out of me lmfao.i think what i eventually realized for myself and the sentiment other gender critical transppl share is that i was setting up an expectation/standard for myself that was impossible to attain. with mainstream gender theory, a cisman and i share our gender identity, our gender is the same (”cis” as its used to “identifying with your biological sex”). the thing is though, in terms of sex/gender, theres nothing i find that i have comparable to a male. i dont act like a “man” because im not one, im a TRANSman. ive lived most of my life so far as female and being socialized that way has been significant to me. i relate a lot to women and its always felt wrong to me how suddenly because im transitioning it felt to me like i was expected to revoke my right to speak on feminism/womens experiences. way before i discovered gender critical things i was pissed off at people trying to be “allies” to transpeople saying shit like “all men are trash transmen are real men so theyre trash too uwu!” like. fuck that. and fuck you for insinuating i would EVER treat a woman the way that men do.

like i know there are transmen (and just transppl in general, for that matter), who try to overcompensate with misogyny/misogynistic ideas because they think itll help them pass better but fuck

anyway. im proud of being a natal female and being socialized that way. being trans isnt exactly a party but im glad i could get the insight i have into the treatment of women and so forth. and the thing is, this isnt a contradiction to me being trans at all. once i let go of whether or not i was “male enough” of “valid” as a boy, i could once again just focus on the very concrete evidence in my life: i was EXTREMELY dysphoric about my chest. i’ve been on hrt for almost two years now and ive had top surgery. my dysphoria is almost non-existent since ive had surgery. i dont mind & even get excited about all the changes coming from being on testosterone. (dont like that i cant sing like i used to and that i’ll probably end up balding at least by my 50s if my dads head is any indication, but cismen have this problem too so whatever)

also ive never felt quite right when i was calling myself gay (exclusively attracted to men). i share some issues that gay men might, i Can be affected by homophobia because i Do pass as male, but its still not 100% the same experience and i think that distinction is importantmy concerns & how being gender critical is important to me:

me coming out as trans was a process over time. using the usual trans rhetoric, i was having difficulties explaining myself to people. specifically im thinking about my mom. when i said i was uncomfortable with being seen as a girl, she said she was uncomfortable too. she liked dressing more like a boy. some other shit she said too that i dont remember, but my basic takeaway: cispeople, particularly ciswomen, arent necessarily enthusiastically identifying with their correlated gender to their sex, because..... no reasonable person likes gender roles.

and i get worried about people like my mom who might be encouraged to identify as nonbinary just because theyre gender non-conforming. the identity itself wouldnt be much of a problem except that it seems to me like its being pretty normalized for nonbinary people to just kind of....... experiment with medical transitioning to try to achieve some Ideal androgynous form that would be.... Very difficult to achieve. i worry about people not thinking medical transitioning is a big deal and just kind of.... disregarding all the potential health consequences, how powerful testosterone is as a hormone, and so on. with the permanent changes that come people THEN end up experiencing dysphoria and life is.... really pretty difficult for detransitioned women from what i can tell, and a lot of people talk about how theres been a spike of people detransitioning lately.

i think part of the problem is 1. transmed/truscum people harassing & bullying nondysphoric trans-identified people, so they feel the need to medically transition to Prove Themselves and 2. just in general the aforementioned idea that everyone has a gender identity. i think itd be very uncommon for people to “identify” as cis, and so you get this whole mess of people thinking they need an androgynous body to match their androgynous identity......... etc.

bonus: my mom crying on her birthday because she said she didnt think shed be able to ever see me as a guy. “nonbinary, maybe, but you dont act like a boy.” problem solved, i dont act like a guy, i act like a transguy!!

also again, need to reiterate that i cant relate to men. i can never Become Male, not with our current technology. i was not socialized as male and thats okay!! its okay because im just doing what i need to in order to be comfortable with my body and myself. i dont need to worry about my dating pool seeing me as a Real Man because they can see me fully as the transman i am and my relationship with being a natal woman and just, shit like that. ive gotten a lot more comfortable with even being called she when it does happen (by accident by family members). its not a swear word to me and ive let go of a lot of expectations i thought i had to meet with being uncomfortable talking about my female organs and my past as living as a woman etc etc. im not trying to Be anything anymore. im just trying to live as myself

some of my issues with the gender critical community just as a disclaimer:

i have a lot honestly and im not going to be able to name them all off the top of my head

makes sense that it would be, but i think the community is rampant with transphobia in the sense of flattening transpeople to the “transcult” stereotype where they just..... dont seem to think of us as individuals. they think we’re all genderists getting triggered by misgendering & demanding our pronouns. they think all of us are “delusional” about our natal sex. they think we’re all gender conforming. they dont take dysphoria seriously in general, ESPECIALLY males experiencing dysphoria (i get that your feminism doesnt have to be concerned with “men” but come on). misgendering is just disrespectful to me (idgaf about rapists, whatever use whatever pronouns you feel the need for those people.)

just in general some people dont get that trans people can still exist in a post-gender world? and you can still be critical of gender while respecting people’s pronouns? by their very nature i think the transmed, radfem, and especially gender critical communities are attractive to bullies so you have those flocking to it, and thats an issue but... yeah.

this answer has gone on long enough and im really sorry anon im sure you didnt sign up to read a 13 page essay. i just got lost in my thoughts and felt like i had a lot of explaining to do. i think my feelings are both simple and complicated so idk if i even really answered your questions, i hope i did..., ;;

#sorry in advance guys i literally never proofread #and i had family come over in the middle of me typing this so i lost my train of thought midway #i dont know where to put this but some last thoughts #the transpeople who insist they have nothing to do with their natal sex make us look like a fucking joke #like thats so easily exploitable by transphobic conservatives #and im tired of them having that leverage because theyre fucking idiots and dont deserve any sort of intellectual upperhand #gender theory has a lot of holes in it i think and its way too easy to poke at right now #also i think even more important than transmen its important for transwomen to acknowledge they arent the same as ciswomen #i know dysphorias a bitch i know it sucks i know it hurts #im trying not to let my privilege let me forget because i DO have a lot of privilege #but when we're talking about females as an oppressed social class #you dont neatly fit in & share that same experience #doesnt mean you dont have problems/face oppression! but its most likely because youre trans #not because of your identity #also my take on gender critical theory is that it just..... fits for me #i had that whole section about why its important to me #but i also dont really care that much about ppl still subscribing to gender theory #like you do you boo i just think it can be harmful sometimes #anyway #long post #radfem #gender critical #discourse #pine speaks

[celestialmarkiplier]

Nobody Listens to Wilford (Anti x Reader)

Requested? nope, my friend kat ( @katrodriguez1234 ) and i came up with this idea and co-wrote it ((: we hope you like it!! this one is kinda long 

Fandom: Jacksepticeye, Teamiplier (Mark) 

Pairing: Anti x Reader

Warnings: minor cursing, idk if theres anything else? 

You couldn’t stop yourself from thinking about them being together, for what seemed like the hundredth time today alone.

It had been a couple weeks since Anti had started talking to another girl. At first, you had tried your best to ignore it, keeping yourself occupied and hanging out with other people more. But, after a while, you couldn’t seem to keep thoughts of Anti and his new toy, apparently named Shelby, out of your head. It had started to drive you mad, and the fact that Anti was always around didn’t help; especially when he brought her along.

After the first couple times, you started to get the feeling that you were third wheeling, especially when he started to flirt with her in front of you. So when Anti texted and asked if you wanted to chill with him, you decided this time you were going to bring Wil. Anti and Wil had never really gotten along well, but he was one of your closest friends so Anti could deal with it. It never really occurred to you the problems that this could raise.

You didn’t start thinking about how bad the idea to bring Wilford along was until Anti had already opened the door to his home and was already sending a death glare at a grinning Wil. You thought about retreating for a moment, but then you heard the sound of footsteps and you saw Shelby come up beside of Anti, hugging him around the waist, and all of the thoughts you had about this being a bad idea were thrown out the window. So, you ignored Anti’s questioning eyes as you grabbed Wilford’s arm and smiled innocently at the entity in front of you. “Hey Anti, I hope you don’t mind me bringing Wil. May we come in?”

“No, of course he doesn't. Come on in.” Shelby looked mildly confused by the hateful look Anti shot her, but she ignored it and motioned for you to come inside. One look at Wil told you he was gonna have way too much fun with this. As you walked behind them on the way to his living room, he stayed suspiciously silent, making you wonder what he was planning. This was solved as soon as you went to sit down though. Wil sat about a foot away from Anti, then patted the couch between them. So this was how he was gonna play this.

You smile tightly at Wil, not exactly putting your trust in whatever he was planning, but sit between them nonetheless. Shelby sits on the other side of Anti but he doesn’t seem too focused on her. He seems much more focused on the way Wilford’s arm wraps around your shoulders and the way he scoots closer to you on the leather couch. You try to suppress a smirk as you hear Anti grumble under his breath before turning on the movie. You don’t know if it’s your imagination playing tricks on you or not, but you swear you can feel Anti scoot closer to you as he sits back down.

Wilford seems to notice this too and makes a point to eye the two of you up, getting Shelby’s attention. You smile at her when she makes eye contact, then suppress a giggle when she tries (and fails) to get Anti to move closer to her. She sends you a dirty look, but before you can give a response Wil starts giggling. Anti shoots him a glare, which Wil ignores and continues. “You know, you and Anti are really cute together Y/N.”  

Honestly, if you had been drinking anything, you probably would have choked. Wow, Wil, way to be subtle. You laugh off his statement, thanking God for hiding your blush with the dim lighting in the room. “Thank… you?” You say with a laugh, trying to play it cool (and probably failing) as Anti shuffles a bit next to you, neither of you knowing what to do in this situation. You don’t miss the glare on Shelby’s face before she huffs quietly and turns back to the movie playing on the screen. Anti, however, kept looking at you. You wouldn’t meet his eye, though and eventually, he turned back to the movie, too.

Somehow the four of you managed to get through the rest of the movie with little conflict, and as soon as the credits started to roll, Wil suggested that you all play Mario Kart. He knew how excited you got about Mario Kart, so when you jumped up and started rummaging through Anti’s stuff to get enough controllers, you earned a giggle from both him and Anti. “You're so adorable.” You started to shake your head at Wil, but Anti interrupted you. “Why don't you just shut the hell up Wilford.” You could tell Anti said this off of reflex, and you didn't have to turn around to know that even though he still looked pissed, his face had gone white.

You finally managed to dig out enough controllers for the four of you and you took a seat on the floor between Anti and Wil’s legs so you had more room to move around when playing. Anti and Wil apparently thought this was a good idea, too, because soon enough the two boys joined you on the floor, getting close to you but still giving you enough space for movement. When you looked up at the couch you saw Shelby pouting, fumbling around with the controller and obviously looking lost.

“What’s wrong, Shelbs?” Anti asks as he looks up at her. You and Wilford can’t help but roll your eyes at the nickname.

“Nothing, I just kind of feel like a fourth wheel here.” At least now the bitch knew how you felt. Anti patted the spot next to him on the floor and grabbed her hand, pulling her down to sit next to him.

“Then come down here and join in, silly.” He playfully pushed his shoulder against hers once she was on the floor, which seemed to calm her down a bit. Anti made you let her choose the map, and of course, she chose Rainbow Road. The entire time the map loaded she bragged about how good she was, and you decided it was time to let out some pent up anger towards her.

Once the game started you automatically took first place. You did a mental cheer before focusing hard on the game, determined to win- or, you know, at least get a better score than everyone in the room. But apparently Anti had the same agenda because he was now in second place and was trying to steal first place from you.

“Back off, green bean.” You growl as you mash buttons intensely, trying to get further ahead.

“What’s wrong, Y/N? You scared I’m gonna beat ya?” Anti lets out a glitchy giggle and before you can even process what’s happening, his character throws a blue shell at you and you are temporarily knocked out, causing him to take the lead and win the first round.

“No fair, you glitch bitch!” You giggle when he elbows your side, and roll your eyes as he does a little dance next to you, sending you double middle fingers.

“Damn, maybe we should get them a room, Shelbs.” You had almost forgotten about Wil sitting next to you, and you turned to give him a dirty look. He was bound to make this girl snap eventually, but instead, she just got up and left the room. Anti, who had originally been grinning, turned to Wil. You could tell that he looked angry, but honestly, it didn't seem to go that deep. That was, of course, until Wil sent him a cocky grin.

“What are you trying to accomplish here, you pink-haired little bitch?” Anti growled. Honestly, he probably wouldn’t have even gotten that mad if Wilford hadn’t given him the ‘I told you so’ look. Anti absolutely hates when people give him that look, especially when it's coming from Wil.

The pink haired entity doesn’t seem offended by Anti’s question or insult at all, if anything it only made him grin wider as he responded. “I don’t know what you could possibly be talking about, Glitch. I’m just pointing out the obvious, here.”

“And what exactly is the obvious?” Anti asked, but it was more of a demand than anything.

“That you have a thing for Y/N. I don't know if you're trying to make her jealous bringing that other girl around or what, but all you're doing is pissing her off. Maybe even pushing her more towards me.” You had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes at that. He really was pushing Anti’s buttons.

“Like she would ever want to be with someone as obnoxious as you.” Anti’s head slightly glitched to the side and you put your hand against Wil’s chest, stopping him from moving any closer. Maybe it was time to back off. This little gesture set Anti off though, and he glitched closer to Wil, growling quietly.

“What are you going to do, glitch bitch?”

Before you could stop the brawl from escalating any further, Anti suddenly punched Wil, effectively splitting his lip open and making him stagger backward.

“Anti!” You scream in momentary panic, going to help Wil. Before you could get to him, though, he was already wiping the blood from his lip with the back of his hand and walking towards Anti with his lucky knife in hand. Any normal person would have been afraid at this point, but Anti just grinned wickedly, glitching a bit more violently and making a ‘bring it on’ motion.

“No! Both of you, stop!” You scream and push your way in between them, making them both immediately stop and look down at you.

“Sorry babe.” Wil goes to take your hand but Anti grabs you by your waist, pulling you completely behind him.

“Fucking touch her again and I WILL kill you.” Anti didn't raise his voice, instead, it went low and gravelly, like it tore its way out of his throat. Wil did look concerned for a moment, but his cocky smile was back just as quickly.

“Hey Shelby, I guess it's about time you join us. I was just about to ask Anti why I can't touch Y/N, and I'm sure you're curious too.”

“Anti? What the hell is going on?” Shelby demanded and crossed her arms over her chest, looking royally pissed. Anti, for once, was speechless.

“I can explain this…” Anti mumbled but even he knew it was a feeble attempt; Shelby had already seen everything she needed to.

“No! That’s it! I am sick of her always being around! Even when she’s not around, you always talk about her! You have to choose, either her or me.” Shelby looked between you and Anti. She was actually smirking. She was sure Anti was going to pick her over you.

“What? That’s ridiculous, I’m not going to choose between you two.” Anti muttered, shaking his head and looking rather uncomfortable now.

“You have to! Oh, for crying out loud, just tell this slut it’s time for her to go! And she can take her man-whore, too!” Shelby yelled and suddenly the room went ice cold.

“Excuse you?” Wil laughed and shook his head, but you stopped him before he could continue.

“Okay maybe you think you have Anti wrapped around your nasty fingers, but let’s get one thing straight. You may be his toy of the month but at the end of the day, he always comes back to me. I'm his best friend, and you're just some bitch he decided would keep him busy for a while. Now get the fuck out of this house before I kick your ass.” You had gradually moved so you were about a foot away from her and you could tell she was getting nervous.

“Anti, are you just going to stand there and let her talk to me like that?”

After a couple seconds of just standing there, speechless, Anti finally stepped forward until he was right behind you and shook his head, “You know what? No, I’m not just going to stand here and watch her talk to you like that.” You could feel confusion and heartbreak settle over you as Shelby smirked. Is he really choosing her over you? His best friend?

“I’m going to back her up. If you aren’t out of my house within the next five seconds, you’ll wish you never came in. Am I clear?” Anti said in a low, dangerous voice which sent a chill down your spine. You could feel his chest rumbling against your back which only added to the shivering he caused. Shelby didn’t have to be told to leave again, she took one last look at Anti and Wil, before finally looking at you, and scurrying out the front door.

“I thought you were gonna hit her there for a second,” Wil said, giggling from behind you two. You would have turned to see him, but Anti still hadn't moved. Instead, he put his hands on your hips and bent down so you could just barely feel his lips on your ear.

“If you ever try to pull what you did today again, I will kill that pink bitch.” Goosebumps formed up and down your arms and you pulled away from him, putting a cocky grin on your face as you tried to clear your head.

“Pull what exactly? We weren’t doing anything, nothing compared to what you had been doing to Y/N every time you asked her to hang out.” Wil cut in before you could say anything, but he had the same train of thought.

“Stay out of this,” Anti grumbled, apparently still annoyed with Wilford because of what happened earlier. Wil didn’t say anything else, he just smiled and shrugged, looking very smug. His plan had worked out just as he thought it would.

“What the hell are you smiling at?” Anti half-yells. You have to stop yourself from laughing at how easily Wilford can make Anti get angry.

“Oh, nothing, just the fact that everything worked out perfect. Admit it, Glitch, you were jealous of me getting all of Y/N’s attention.” Wil’s cocky grin had somehow gotten bigger, and it was taking everything in Anti’s power not to punch him (again).

“Anti, you know you're giving him exactly what he wants when you get angry, right? He thinks it's funny when you start glitching out. Plus, I agree with everything Wil is saying, are you gonna fight me, too?” You folded your arms across your chest and raised your eyebrows at him.

“No, I have slightly different plans for you.” Anti then grabbed you by your hips and pulled you against him, giving you a wicked grin before he moved one of his hands to the back of your neck and moved so his lips were just barely grazing yours. In the background, Wil started making gagging noises, which drug one of Anti’s crazy glitchy giggles out of him. Rolling your eyes, you lifted yourself up on your tippy toes and kissed Anti hard.

He seemed surprised at first, but quickly regained composure and let out a low growl, obviously appreciating your sudden burst of confidence. His hand on your hip gripped harder while the one on your neck went slowly down your back, finally resting on the small of it.

It seemed like you two were kissing for hours, all thoughts of jealousy, whats-her-name, and the eventful night you had had were thrown out the window. The only thing that mattered in that moment was the two of you.

Wil rolled his eyes, although he couldn’t fight the small smile that was on his lips because he could finally see you happy. “Told you he was jealous,” he muttered, walking towards the door and stepping outside, shutting it behind him. “No one ever listens to ol’ Wilfy, I swear.” 

(A/N: wowowow how was that?? kat and i worked super duper hard on it and are really proud!! make sure you go follow @katrodriguez1234 if you havent already bc shes amazing and this lil one shot wouldn’t have been made without her!! -S)

#anti x reader #antisepticeye x reader #wilford warfstache x reader #wilford x reader #one shot #fanfiction #fanfic #celestialmarkiplier #x reader #youtuber imagine

[comicteaparty]

January 24th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on January 24th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Pike’s Reach by Mabs.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Pike’s Reach by Mabs~! (https://tapas.io/series/pikesreach)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Superjustinbros

Hello!!

RebelVampire

hey super~!

my favorite scene is probably the fight with ezo and nefayn. largely because of https://tapas.io/episode/1179545 this page. i really just like the first few panels illustration wise cause even though theyre simplistic, i kind of feel like they convey this ominous sense of defeaning silence that is appropriate for conveying tension right after something climatic happens

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1234181

RebelVampire

yes there is also that scene. XD which was some good comic relief considering the comic was being very dramatic at the time.

also a good lesson about making sure someone gives permission

instead of just knocking and opening the door

Superjustinbros

yes

Because naked people

RebelVampire

another comical scene i enjoyed was the where they were showing off their drawings of pella's uncle. https://tapas.io/episode/962506 because man are those some not great drawings. especially that left one scares me

Superjustinbros

Oh my god

RebelVampire

another moment i liked, which isnt a scene but more a scene transition you could say, is when the comic switches from adelaide goofing around and then suddenly the warning bell rings.

https://tapas.io/episode/604008

in particular that page

i really love the shots and especially the ominous overtone the first panel has

cause it really helps visually convey the serious has come

Superjustinbros

I love the art style and general color scheme, lots of pinks and purples

mathtans

Made it, though I may not be mentally all here, today's been crazy.

Superjustinbros

hey Math

mathtans

One of my faves was actually to start Chapter 3, when we looked at the "villains" and the main guy was talking about how he didn't want them dead, more turned to his side. I liked the humanizing aspect of the antagonists.

Superjustinbros

Same

mathtans

Too often we just see things kind of one sided. This didn't go that way.

Superjustinbros

Villains that do more than just want the main character(s) dead are always good

mathtans

As far as comedy goes, I liked the brief scene where Adelaide "winked"... maybe... because she could have been blinking and her hair was in the way.

Though I also liked the "cold feet" bit where Nefayn was laughing and Nassar didn't know. In particular it was sort of called back later when he was thrilled that she liked his jokes.

RebelVampire

yeah i really enjoyed that moment with the antagonists. also partially cause i like it being explained why they dont just crush the army cause adelaide is already being silly meeting them on an open field and not using the fort's defenses as was intended

mathtans

Little one's fussing.(edited)

Superjustinbros

Rebel gets it

RebelVampire

but yeah i liked this humanizing affect too of course. because conflicts of territory are rarely straight forward evil guy wants to rule over all the things

Superjustinbros

^

RebelVampire

that and selfishly i really wanted to like pella and that scene proved to me that it was okay to like him cause hes just a goofy sparkly dude just trying to unite the lands.

Superjustinbros

heehee~

Mabs

Hi there! I'm Mabs and the creator of Pike's Reach! I can't stay for too long because sudden school stuff came up, but I wanted to say THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for reading PR! Your comments are making me really happy ;w;

Superjustinbros

Hi!!!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Unfortunately for Nefayn, she is cursed twice over both in body and magic. Who do you think cursed her with the first seal and for what reason? Could the culprit be Ezo considering she and Pella seemed to know Nefayn? Why was said culprit pursuing her? In other words, what are their long-term goals in using her? How powerful do you think Nefayn was before the first seal came to be? Now that Nefayn is sealed twice over to be all but human, how will this affect her helpfulness in a battle? Do you believe that Nefayn will be able to undo the seals eventually and return herself to her original form and power? If so, how might this affect her growing relationship with Adelaide?

glad you could stop by, mabs~!

im torn on the culprit issue. on the one hand ezo seems likely cause from her characterization that seems like something shed do. but on the other hand their army is kind of near the end of their campaign since pike's reach is the last one standing and they dont want to murder hobo them. so idk why theyd need nefayn. i kind of like to think theres something bigger gonna show up and pella and adelaide are gonna join forces to defeat it. and that whatever the it is is what's after nefayn. but that could be wishful thinking cause i always cheer for antagonist protagonist team ups when both are basically good dudes with different goals

mathtans

(I swear, my life after 8pm is running back and forth to my little daughter's room.)

RebelVampire

as for goals, maybe using her as a magic conduit. cause thats the only thing i can think of.

mathtans

I get what you were saying about the climactic magic fight scene earlier btw. Just I've never been huge on drama, you know me. ^.^

Superjustinbros

perhaps

also lol math

mathtans

Oh, hi Mabs! I ship everyone!

Superjustinbros

lol

Mabs

Hi there! Yes good, please ship all the characters.

Superjustinbros

Will do~

especially this page https://tapas.io/episode/1221349

mathtans

I wonder if Nefayn was originally that uncle that the General was talking about. Except that would destroy the best ship, so I'm not sure I like that possiblity.

RebelVampire

if were shipping all the ships i now accept https://tapas.io/episode/1077847 this page as canon

mathtans

Yeah, I don't know that it's Ezo. There was also that scene where Nefayn said she thought the big Pike's room seemed familiar, so I feel like she was a citizen of the place somehow.

A teamup would be pretty cool between the two groups. Maybe the West has been getting more organized than they realize, there was some mention of the latest attack being more of a ruse.

Hah. That was a funny one.

Part of me actually ships Ezo and Nefayn, in that sort of 'mortal enemies become friends' kind of deal. So I guess Adelaide ends up with the General's second in command? This was probably heresy to propose.

RebelVampire

idk. shooting someone in the chest seems like a romance deal breaker there XD

Superjustinbros

all ships set sail here

mathtans

It was an arrow of love and respect. Deep down. After all, it didn't kill her.

RebelVampire

but yeah the west could certainly become a threat. or even just one person in the west. like maybe one nation got themselves some guns and are bringing their guns to all the sword fights

mathtans

("It was worse than death, I was made human.")

RebelVampire

LOL

mathtans

As long as they don't bring the gunpowder, it's fine.

RebelVampire

Ezo wanted to make Nefayn human cause she too supports the adelaide/nefayn ship

it was the plan all along

mathtans

Actually, it's not a bad plan. Good way to make the enemy commander very distracted.

RebelVampire

and tbf it does probably take nefayn out of the battle a bit. cause being human has its mortal perils.

mathtans

Here's a possibly related question, who keeps sending the evil things to attack Adelaide? Which makes her sleep with a sword? I don't think it's the general, he seems honourable enough to keep his distance after losing, at least for a while. Maybe it's the same person who did the thing to Nefayn.

Flying is more of a problem for humans.

RebelVampire

i just assumed the magic things showed up of their own accord.

although

pella and ezo dont seem to be plagued by birds

so maybe someone is sending them

or adelaide is special and theyre super attracted to her

mathtans

Right.

Everyone's super attracted to the heroine.

RebelVampire

XD

this is an interesting line of thought

cause i definitey doubt it's pella

cause the impression i got is that this has plagued adelaide for much longer than pike's reach has been under siege

since the sword thing is usually the sign of a long term habit

mathtans

I wonder if maybe the charm that was mentioned as something to keep her safe is actually attracting all the problems. Though it'd need to be something fairies can't pick up on.

Superjustinbros

@mathtans must be one really sexy heroine

RebelVampire

these are some good catches math. i really didnt pay much mind to any of these mentions. that could be though. and tbf nefayn's powers were already partly sealed from the get go so i wouldnt be surprised if shes missing out on some magic things

mathtans

Thanks. ^^ I guess it just struck me as interesting that she's got the sleep issues, and no one else seemed to.

I was wondering if one of Nefayn's powers was to grow big.

RebelVampire

maybe. although i keep thinking its gonna wind up shes a goddess or something O_O

not a fairy sized goddess mind you cause she does mention that fairy form is not her original size

although to the stuff b4 that brings up an interesting point about how much can the magic world interact with the non-magic. cause obviously adelaide being able to see magic and stuff makes her able to interact with it. but how aware does a non magic person have to be before magic stuff can affect them

mathtans

Goddess of sparkles.

RebelVampire

like obviously the others cant see nefayn

but can nefayn like punch them

and theyll be like "oww what a random pain"

mathtans

Well, since magic mines could influence people, I imagine if you make the effect large enough, it'd register.

What if Nefayn caresses?

(I mean, kinda moot now, but still.)

RebelVampire

yeah the magic mines worked. cause if the magic can affect the non magic regardless of their ability to see it, it adds evidence to the idea those birds are super out to get adelaide specifically

QUESTION 3. Magic seems to be at the center of several other mysteries that are presented in the comic. What is Pike’s Reach’s past with magic regarding the mention of a catastrophe involving it? Is Pella onto something about everyone being Adelaide’s age? What might this have to do with the previous lord of Pike’s Reach and Adelaide becoming its lord? How might any of this relate to the fact that Nefayn appears to recall being at Pike’s Reach for a brief moment? There is also the issue of Pella’s missing uncle. What do you think happened to his uncle? How might Pella’s uncle be related to past or present events that occurred in Pike’s Reach? Lastly, will Pella ever discover the truth about his uncle?(edited)

Superjustinbros

That's a cool skill imo

mathtans

Oh yeah, my memory had kind of glossed over that whole catastrophe thing. And the age thing too. Hm, really good points. Maybe they don't physically age in Pike's? Like, they're actually 60, but have the bodies of people much younger?

Again, suspected the uncle might be Nefayn, but that sinks the ship.

Superjustinbros

lol

RebelVampire

if the uncle isnt adelaide's father i will be so surprised

mathtans

Oh! Maybe the uncle is the one who cursed Nefayn.

I wondered about that. If the seeing magic lineage was a direct ancestry. But it might make sense for the uncle to be the one attacking Adelaide too.

RebelVampire

https://tapas.io/episode/970094

like legit look at that family resemblence

https://tapas.io/episode/822837 and pella and adelaide have the same eye color too

and theres no reason it cant be both

adelaide's father and the real antagonist

mathtans

Valid arguments. Maybe it's a red herring though. (Or a red pike! Hah!)

RebelVampire

id even peg him for the causer of this supposed catastrophe. not on purpose. but he vanished and hes after nefayn to try and fix his mistakes.

mathtans

Or maybe he's dead, and he left behind the ultimate weapon to use in case of dire magic circumstances, down in the catacombs.

Or maybe he's undead. He's a necromancer.

Superjustinbros

Could be that now that you mention it

mathtans

As Nassar would say, a very grave matter.

RebelVampire

the charm is the key and thats why the birds are after adelaide. they want that ultimate weapon

birds love ultimate weapons

alternatively he couldve been the one to stop the catastrophe from becoming worse too

mathtans

Adelaide's love is the ultimate weapon.

RebelVampire

cause the fact the catastrophe only took out the elderly or so is implied makes that a very targetted attack. and him being the savior makes sense for why everyone made adelaide the lord.

mathtans

Ah, right, I guess I was still on the "elderly look young" track not the "elderly died" track.

Maybe they were all turned into fairies instead.

Maybe the uncle was turned into a pike.

RebelVampire

or everyone was

theyre all pikes

in the nearby lake

the place was previously called nefayn's love nest, but they renamed it to pike's reach cause theyre always trying to reach those pike

mathtans

spit-take

Lovely vacation spot it is either way.

Mabs

You all are absolutely hilarious and I have really been enjoying reading this. Thank you so much for reading so thoroughly gosh. I have to go to a school thing but I'll be sure to check back later and read the logs! Thanks again

RebelVampire

np and good luck with school~!

Superjustinbros

Cya, Mabs!

And good luck from me as well~

mathtans

Thank you for the creation! Hope school goes well.

Mabs

Thanks again! Bye all~ Good luck with the rest of your discussion

Superjustinbros

Bye!

RebelVampire

ya know, since nefayn doesnt quite remember pike's reach outside of haziness, i wonder if theres some magical third seal that was meant to hide her own memories. a third seal set up by certain uncles.

mathtans

Speaking of school, if there's no older adults, who runs public institutions?

Maybe she set the third seal herself. Nefayn was the cause of the magical catastrophe, doesn't want to remember it.

Everyone fighting about the love nest.

RebelVampire

idk. hard to say without an exact timeline. also without exact knowledge of their system of governance. like for example, education could just be an at home by parents thing. so no actual public institution for it. but i also dont know the cut off date. and maybe no all the old ppl are dead. more its just heavily skewed to one age group

mathtans

"We're in favour of same sex marriage." "Oh, well, we're leaving then." "You realize the founder of this place was gay?" "We're definitely leaving."

I liked Nassar's story, incidentally.

Some good zingers too. "Reel", heh.

RebelVampire

i really hope we get to see more of adelaide's group. cause i feel there isnt enough nassar yet. we need more puns

mathtans

Yis. Looked like we were getting some focus on Berlin towards the end.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Despite the romance and good feels in Pike’s Reach, they are the last fortress standing against the Eastern hordes. Do you believe Pella is genuine about his desire to unite the east to make the country a better place? Why do you think Pike’s Reach is so ardent about not uniting with the rest of the eastern lands? As time drags on, do you think Pella will give into his advisors and stop going so soft on Pike’s Reach? Will Ezo being injured drive them to it potentially? Alternatively, do you think Pike’s Reach and the Eastern hordes might join forces and put their differences aside for some reason? All in all, who do you think will emerge victorious?

mathtans

Ezo's injury could do that (escalate things), since Pella seems to have that thing for her. Honestly, I don't quite see why he's so keen on the uniting to this extent... is it all ego? I mean, why not just be glad you've got 95% of the continent?

It might be interesting if they join forces though.

I hope love emerges victorious.

RebelVampire

i do think ezo's injury is gonna make pella made. at least enough to challenge adelaide to another duel. but then he might also be mad at ezo and be like wtf ezo we were retreating

i dont think its all ego

just more its kind of awkward to not have pike's reach not united with the rest

cause according to that map pike's reach is basically surrounded on all sides

by pella's united country

mathtans

They'll have to redraw all the maps if Pike's given in though.

What the PUC?

Superjustinbros

D:

mathtans

I feel like Ezo needs a friend even more than Adelaide. One who won't keep patting her on the head.

Maybe the injury will mellow her out, but I doubt it.

RebelVampire

i feel like ezo first needs to take a chill pill and stop going all life or death on everything

https://tapas.io/episode/850159 by this map id also assume pike's reach is a strategic advantage cause its closer to the west so if the west tries something its a good outpost to use to stave off an attack traveling in further eastward toward the capital

but all in all i think pella is genuine and really does want to make the country a better place.

mathtans

I can see that. It's a cool map too.

Superjustinbros

Yeah

Feels a lot like Europe/Russia/Asia merged into one

mathtans

"I will bring you love even if I have to smack you around."

RebelVampire

i actually dont know why pike's reach wouldnt want to unite with them to be honest. XD cause trade would be a nightmare at this point cause youd always have to try to skirt and sneak through the eastern horde lands. if the eastern hordes go to war with someone, land troops would be moved through pike's reach anyway. and to me it just seems pike's reach is more holding out for pride

but i guess tbf we dont know much about pella's country. maybe they eat babies and pike's reach has a strict no baby eating policy

mathtans

That's a fair point. Maybe there's something to the whole magic catastrophe, like they used to be a united continent and it went badly for them.

Jelly babies.

Incidentally, they seem to have all the major seasons, so don't live near an equator.

RebelVampire

i mean i guess it could just be an issue they dont want to be governed except by their own ppl or something. idk. i do feel the magic catastrophe has left some scares and suspicions. and ezo is proof pella isnt opposed to magic.

mathtans

Maybe, heritage and traditions or something. Ooh, maybe aliens will come and attack. That would unite everyone.

RebelVampire

this might be the wrong genre for that

maybe nefayn gets kidnapped

and they unite to save nefayn

cause love is the only thing that matters

mathtans

Could be. Oh, that's a thought, since she's vulnerable now and Adelaine owes her one or two.

Oh, and one nice bit I wanted to mention, the gag about her height.

RebelVampire

youll have to be more specific cause my mind is blanking on which specific gag youre referring to XD

although speaking of gags i liked the one where adelaide and nefayn were having the eating contest. except no one could see nefayn. XD

Superjustinbros

Alright, I'm gonna take my leave for now, thanks for the CTP and best of luck to Mabs on the story~

mathtans

(Sorry, little one again.)

The gag with Nefryn still being short... but being at an okay height. (Like, who isn't thinking that... )

That was amusing too. I wonder if you can get away with stuff when you see magic. "Uh, I wasn't talking to myself, no. Sure."

Have a good one, SJB!

RebelVampire

ah okay i know which gag you mean. that one was funny. XD

mathtans

Final closing thought, slow burn romance can be fun for when things come to a peak. Or a pike. ^.^

RebelVampire

i feel in general theres been a lot more jokes like that since nefayn became human

mathtans

It's been good for alleviating some of the tension.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Mabs, as well, for making Pike’s Reach. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Mabs’ efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/pikesreach

Mabs’ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mabsart

Mabs’ Twitter: https://twitter.com/mabs_art

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic bookclub #webcomic book club #comic tea party #ctp #pike's reach #mabs

[og-doubletrouble-kinnie]

Marx Mem

Aighty this is long and it gets a bit dark I guess? Idk its a panic attack mem so.. Warned ig

After a really bad day at the news station (Katie and other various bosses being total fucking dicks. Writing 3 whole news reports in a single day AND Having to take care of food stuffs for the day cause our intern fucking d ied or something) I stumbled home fucking exhausted.

Pretty much the moment I get inside my apartment bastard speaks up "I can't believe you're tired. You barely did anything today."

I tilt my head back and forth and in a mocking tone I talk back "oh sure writing three full length news stories in a single day while making sure the staff is fed and keeping Katie off my damn back is nothing. Su r e"

I pull my gloves off, untie my bowtie and pull off my jacket as I head to the bathroom. Just wanna shower and pass the fuck out, I don't care that it's like 5pm, I deserve a damn nap. I realize I'm far to exausted to stay awake for an entire shower so I just opt for cleaning my face and hoping I dont just conk out on my bathroom floor.

I stand infront of the sink and just space out staring at the faucet for at least a minute. When I snap back to reality I look to my mirror- Surprised to see my actual reflection for a moment before bastard pops up. "Katie was right you know. You're such a slacker~ And you don't write nearly enough stories for her! The head anchor. Sure Tom is nicer to you but he shouldn't be doing the most talking! Keep the camera on Katie, Marx!! You're a man of taste, you know that everyone just tunes in for Katies chest- Hell thats why you tune in. 'Course you already know everything she's gonna say. Unless she throws your script away, like she really should every time cause you write utter filth. I'm surprised she even tries to read the mess you give her each day."

I honestly just stare tiredly into the mirror as he goes on and on, nodding occasionally cause I'm tired enough to believe him. His words blur out at this point and I manage to splash my face with water before tiredly making the stupidest comment I could possibly make while bastard is really active, "God I wish Angel and Bee were here-"

And bastard laughs at me. "Now why could you possibly want that???"

"Oh I dunno maybe it's cause I'm exhausted and curling up with my hoard seems really fucking nice, you pathetic piece of shit."

"Ah yeah I'm the 'piece of shit' have ya seen yourself lately?"

"Oh I'd love to but you seem to always take my reflections place."

"Oh wow Marxy has a bite now, huh?"

I glare into the mirror "Don't call me that."

"Why? Cause your precious little Angel gave it to ya? C'mon Marxy lighten up, it's not like I'm real."

I roll my eyes. Again with the "not real" thing, huh? Okay yeah sure. "Yeah, them being here would be great... I'd love to ignore you for the night." I turn from the mirror, ready to go sleep but-

He seems to not like when I want to ignore him... Cause- well thats when he brings out the big guns "What makes you think they want to be here?"

I freeze... He usually doesn't get to me like this... But ya know- I'm exhausted.. And hearing that one sentence makes my mind swarm with all the things Angel and Bee could be saying about me- about how much they could hate me... I can't shake it away with logic cause it practically doesnt exist in this moment. I turn back to the mirror. "I- I don't-"

"Exactly. There's no reason for either of them to want to be around you."

"Y- yeah-" I nod slowly and lean against the wall, glancing at the mirror for a moment before looking to the floor.

"I mean, just look at you! You're pathetic!"

I listen and look back to the mirror, my reflection is back. My eye bags are huge, my hairs a mess (more so than usual), he's right. I look pathetic... Of course I do. I always do... I slide down the wall, mostly due to my legs being to tired to hold me up, but also cause it's where I belong. The floor is the proper home for someone who looks like such trash.

"Do you really think they care about you? Oh sure Angel's stopped taking blood but who's to say thats his choice? He probably stopped cause Charlies buckling down on his drug problems~ If thats the case, then why would he bother to still have sex with you? Maybe you've somehow convinced him you're the only one he should be with? How cruel... Why should you hold him back? Why even bother talking to him when you're so controlling and possessive??"

I bring my knees closer to my chest, instinctively curling up to try and block him out. I try to mumble a stop but only manage a small squeak. I feel my claws digging into my arms but dont do anything to stop it.

"Oh and Dont even get me started on Bee! You're clearly manipulating him too! Why else would he call you "boss"? Why else would he do nearly anything you ask of him? Oh sure he could easily take you down if he found a problem with you, but what if you're all he has? He puts up with your constant abuse because he thinks he can't get anyone else? Do you really think he wants to put up with you? That either of them do?"

I shake my head. I dont know if I'm answering him if trying to refuse it.

"Just look at what happened with Baxter. How long until you somehow corrupt them aswell?"

"B-"

"Pfft- Surely you didnt think Baxters actions were his own?? My my, Marx I knew you were stupid but I didnt realize it was that bad. You obviously made Baxter feel inferior, even you knew that. But you never dealt with it. You let it fester and grow. I bet you just loved watching Baxter hate himself all because of you? Don't try to deny me, Marxy. I know it all, its so incredibly obvious I'm surprised nobodies figured it out yet... Then again, if you cant even figure this out about yourself, then maybe your friends have the intelligence of rocks!"

Now I feel a few tears run down my cheeks and go to wipe them- But.. Well I suppose I've broken skin on my arms cause I just smear blood on my face.

"Oh nice job you fucking idiot. What are people gonna say when they see those scars? They'll think you're some kind of edgy teenager. Then again- you might aswell be. Constantly wanting the attention of others."

I shake my head harder, hands moving from my arms to my head "n-no... It- it was an accident-"

"Awe... But that doesn't matter Marx! The point is that you did it in the first place!"

I whimper and shake- pulling my hair hard enough that I feel I should be pulling out hairs.

I hear the faintest door in the distance- due to how muffled it sounds I assume it's a neighbors door...

Bastard.. Thankfully quiets down for a moment- I manage to move my hands back to my arms- I can't loosen their grip... But scraped up arms are easier to deal with than a scraped up head.

Then Angel comes in- "Ma- Oh my god- Bee! Bee I found him-!" Angel crouches down beside me and very carefully grabs my hands, and pulls them from my arms. "Marx wh- What happened?"

I hear bastard laugh from the mirror "You can't tell him. He won't believe you."

"I-"

Bee comes in- Fast. "Boss?!" I assume Angels tone must've scared him- and well. He scares me- I jump, grabbing my arms again and my wings pop up.

Angel grumbles "Damnit- Bee ya scared 'im-"

I scoot away before Angel can try to pry my hands free again-

"Mar-?"

"N-no no- you're- You're not supposed to be here-"

Bee crouches down by Angel, "Boss what're ya talkin 'bout?"

"Oh you're finally pushing them away now?" I glance at the mirror- bastard is just eating this up.

My hands get tighter as my eyes dart back to Angel and Bee. I stare like a deer in headlights- expecting them to.. I dont know- do.. Something...

Angel turns to Bee "Bee see if you can find some bandages- I'll... Try and calm him back down..."

Bee nods, gives me a sad/worried look then gets up and leaves the room. Angel shuffles over to me, and I instinctively push myself farther into the corner.

"Marx I'm not gonna hurt you- it's alright..."

"He's talking to you like youre an animal. He sees you as dangerous. He has every right to. You could attack at any moment."

"Sh- s hut up-"

Angel tilts his head "Wh-?"

"Awe look how cute, he thinks you're talking to him."

"Shut up"

"Mar-" He looks concerned... Possibly scared..

"You're scaring him~ Of course you are... You probably scare him often.."

I shoot up, yelling toward the mirror "I said shUT UP!!!" I hear a loud thud and suddenly my hand hurts- I punched my wall...

Theres a small crash in the kitchen and Bee comes running in, holding a roll of bandages- I look down to Angel- And yeah.. He looks scared- So does Bee- I drop my hand from the wall and back away the few inches I can without stumbling into my bath-

"C-can't... Can't you hear it" I try not to physically cringe at how... Pathetic I sound

I hear bastard laugh, and Bee and Angel exchange a confused look.

"Hear... What, Boss?"

"I- it. The voice. I- I can't- I can't be the only one-" One hand goes back to my hair.

"Oh you sad, sad man..."

Angel gets up and comes over to me- Grabbing the hand in my hair and pulling it down before I can start pulling. "Marxy.... Hun- Are you alright...?" He lowers me onto the side of the tub.

I stare at the floor, squinting slightly "I-... I don't???"

Angel gestures at Bee, he steps over, handing Angel the bandage roll then sitting next to me. He puts a hand on my back, rubbing small circles.

"Let me see your arms, Marxy-"

With the extra exhaustion from the panic attack I just tiredly listen to him, flopping my arms on my lap- my wings vanishing. Angel starts wrapping them up. I feel myself yawn, and I lean on Bee, he moves from rubbing my back to putting his two arms on that side around me. I feel myself starting to doze off- but I'm still jumping awake each time.

When Angel finishes wrapping my arms, he picks me up and heads for the bed. I glare at the bandages, My tired dragon brain doesn't like them... So I bite at them- Or at least I try but Angel baps my nose. "Don't you even try, Mister."

I tiredly whine and grumble, flopping into Angels chest. "B u t.... I dont-"

"I dont care if ya don't like 'em, you need to heal and bitin your bandages aint gonna help."

Angel sets me down on the bed and I pbbthh at him. Him and Bee climb in on either side of me and I yawn again.

"Sounds like ya need to sleep, Boss-"

"Mmrmm..." I roll over and face Bee, "No shit... Katie n the others worked me like a dog t'day..." I shove my face into the Matress

"Don't they overwork you every day?"

"Ye s it was just worse this time"

I feel Bee pat my back a few times, and Angel cuddles up to my side and starts talkin, "Well we wanted to go to the bar- But a nap sounds pretty nice instead..."

Bee hums in agreement- he doesn't lay down though... Just stays sitting next to me and keeps a hand on my back.

There's a few moments of silence, but I eventually pass out.

#nervouswreck #tw blood #tw panic attack

[survivor-marianas-trench]

“How Am I Supposed To Sit On My Fat *ss And Do Nothing If There’s No Tribal Immunity?” - EPISODE 1

i wont say names bc if these get released at the end i know the psycho wont leave me alone but theres a certain someone that never leaves another certain someone alone and theyre actually so annoying and they look like a balding foot and if i have to be in the same tribe with them i will definitely end up fighting them

so...cole walking on day 1? because he didn't want to be in a game with Julia wow. I am shook to the core. 

1st off why are there 30 people here! 2nd off why are we all in a chat together! And 3rdly at least someone already took themselves out of the game. I didn't get last!!! I know setting the bar high. I'm very excited to play everyone is super nice and also I think my tribe is great. I got Sam and Liana on my tribe whom I played with during Atlantis. Sam and I were in an alliance but obviously it wasn't super tight...since I voted her off. But I love her dearly and hope we can work together again. Also excited for Liana because I always remember that she was good in challenges and she has already told me she won't want to throw any challenges this time. Haha. I already appreciate her so much. She is so sweet! Carson k is also on my tribe. Carson k is also a sweetheart and I'm sad that I didn't trust him much during Malibu and I hope that it can change here. Hopefully there is a survivor trivia challenge because he is so good with survivor trivia. Everyone else on the tribe seems really cool too as we aren't involved in the drama of the one world chat. Haha we have all of our members still and we are ready to win some challenges! #YouWishYouWereATasi also. Kait is here!!!! Omggggg I'm not ready. She messaged me last night and I was like oh god how do I talk to kait????? Like ugh ahhhh scared. No. Nothing against kait she just scares me! And I feel like she can tell....*gulp* but billy is also here and I love billy too. And Luke!!! Honestly so many amazing people who hopefully won't vote me off. Everyone in the community has been so supportive of me and has really helped relive some of the anxiety I've been having. But queen kait is here so I don't know how long it will last. 

what the fuck am i doing i don't even know if im making a confessional for the right game....like i'm in a 3 survivor games and  a big brother game and i've never wanted to kill myself more i was talkin with kait and i was like "omg i love karen!!" and KAREN ISN'T EVEN ON OUR FUCKING TRIBE. SHE'S DEADASS IN ANOTHER GAME. omg and this ninjohn bitch cracks me tf up so yeah thats about all i've done bye

tbh! what is going on in this game!!! The only people that I know and want to work with are Sam G, Dan, Amanda, Billy and Christine tbqh! I don't know anybody on my tribe except Billy so we're gonna be a cute duo. I think the twist is kind of fun, it's gonna make people need to be on their toes 24/7 and not get too comfortable hiding behind tribal wins because they just don't exist. Uh first boot from my tribe? Idk,...maybe me> maybe chrisssa? who knows!

On 3/6/17, at 9:54 PM, veronica [ hoenn host ] wrote: > how am i supposed to sit on my fat ass and do nothing like nicholas did if theres no tribe immunity >.> but also i really like the cast in this game and i know its gonna be lit this is like one of my fave survivors already and im in like 4 rn

set my soul on fire pls

YES MA'AM! This is Kelsey Mikaelson, representing BBCAN and Vampire Diaries, checking into Mariana Trench Survivor, is you good? Is you happy? Because I's wants to know, ok. Entering this competition was a quick shock. The tribe I was on is very friendly and we all got along quick and I'm living, I seem to get along well. Obviously, I'm the loud one, but I think that overall, I'm not too much which is good! You know what is too much though? Literally both other tribes OTHER than Tasi. Seeing how crazy they are during the One World makes us seem a lot more mellow which makes me seem a lot more quiet which is absolutely a great factor for my game.  Anyways, next twist: triple elimination each week. Girl...I came here for a fresh new game that would be welcoming to newbies. This is literally death. I'm literally dead. *sigh*...Whatever. There are people in my tribe I've clicked with early on. Carson, Liana, Sam, Shea and Seamus have all been rather nice to me. However, one person that I have definitely gotten along with thus far is Lilly. She's so explosive and she's also so logical in everything she tells me, she's a great counterpart to me in this competition. I would say I trust Lilly the most, yes, I would. And going into this first tribal, I'm interested to see how our relationship will translate into gameplay. Hopefully, in a positive way~! Now to the challenge...I want to remain a team player, an innocent virgin, an airhead with  nothing but loyalty with everyone. I don't want to manipulate, I want to slay. So, I'm going to put a rather safe score for myself. As long as I'm not on the bottom end of the powers, I'm fine. I just hope that this first tribal doesn't eat me alive...against my gut instinct, I'm not bringing strategy up for these first days. I just hope that people actually come to me like I'm expecting...otherwise, I gotta start making them moves, mama! Wish me the best of luck! From Canada with Love, -The ORIGINAL...Kelsey Mikaelson, muah!

I'm so nervous. I feel like knowing that you're going to tribal no matter what makes this all more nerve wracking. I'm trying to feel out who people want to go and what they want to do without making anyone feel like I'm jumping the gun or being too forward. Plus I think Darian is probably gunning for me, since I know he doesn't like me. I really don't wanna be first to go, but I feel like it's too risky to just immediately go after him. I'm hoping someone is inactive or will give us a reason to vote them out so that this first one is an easy one. 

http://youtu.be/PTJUoasIy_Y

...moments later

If i learned anything from Rakiura, it's that I need to make a list or something of peoples' point values and possible advantages since people will forget about them come merge and then the person with all the advantages will win the season. :)

I'll call them out!

https://youtu.be/gK_YU4BaKyc

WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN MY TRIBE 

So like this is a weird position to be in. I like everyone on my tribe????? Like how the fuck am I supposed to vote one of these hoes out when I like them? I'm clearly the prettiest, but like I love them all. This is a tragedy because if it was a normal damn game, I would be able to slay with my tribe. My plan so far is to just be super social and find the majority. I don't know how to play one world because usually the world revolves around me so. 

So this season hasn't been that exciting at all so far for our tribe due to Cole's, not surprising, quit. I want to try harder than the last few skype/Tumblr games I've played since I definitely was inactive in the last few. I'm trying to socialize and need to expand my social surroundings since I haven't approached many yet. I have been talking to Luke however but he's terrible at responding. I don't mind if you're busy and can't respond quickly but when you message in the main chat and have the online symbol by your name you might want to respond back to a tribemate. That doesn't bode well for track records. 

Things are weird. What do I do. Who do I talk to. Where am I. Okay now that I've gotten that off my chest I just tribes are weird. We aren't even really a tribe. I know we will have to just keep voting people off of our tribe. So what do we do? I have no leads. Except I kinda want a girls alliance so I would prefer a guy out this week just to play it safe. I feel like I could talk to Liana and Sam about this but also nervous. Idk. I'll do something soon but this is a lot to process. I also hope that not too many voting things will affect tribal. I'm not ready for it. That is all. Good day. 

Hello!!! Alright so this first week has just been....a mess. Like, y'all really put me in a group with 30 people...with one world in play...I'm gonna go insane. Although it's not entirely a bad thing. I have my Queens Kait and Jenn to keep me sane. I had Cole......for like 2 hours until he left WHICH I'M STILL BITTER ABOUT. I love him so much it's not even funny. Anyways for the people on my tribe, I absolutely adore Dan so I can definitely see us working together. Sam G. is here as well and WHEW. A Queen. I love her so much. If I had a dream alliance within this tribe it'd probably be Dan, Sam, Kelsey, Lily, Carson and myself. I haven't gotten the chance to talk to Seamus or Liana and trying to start a conversation with Shea is a bit like pulling teeth so far so...yeah, that's how things are looking right about now I'm so scared for this tribal cause I don't know what to expect??? Like I probably should've just went all in for immunity but I didn't cause I didn't wanna go overboard...so much for that huh. Wish me luck for now I guess!

...30 minutes later...

I'm screaming apparently Shea's already brought my name up to people but suddenly changed it to Carson when I started talking to them??? Something smells fishy here and I'm not here for it. I've got my eye on Shea, that's for sure. In all honesty I'd rather target Shea than Carson cause Carson's actually chill while Shea's probably gonna get a little messy along the way which makes me nervous but Dan trusts him for now so I guess I just gotta go with the flow for now...

Hi Ricky! Super excited to be safe this round, just gotta sit here and look cute!

the furrys are on the prowl, yiff yiff. there are quite a few furrys in this game lmao. so basically on my tribe i really like veronica and am teaming with her. shea really likes me and veronica so we r gonna try and work with them. i think i want to vote for sam this round bc like i like everyone else and the noobs in our tribe seem kinda easy to push around so im excited!

My tribe is so BORINGGGGG tbh no one talks in the chat anyways here's an analysis i promised Ricky <3 When something more happens youll get more out of me but literally nothings going on OH I HAVE AN ALLIANCE WITH DAN AND LUKE BUT YOU BUT US ALL ON DIFFERENT TRIBES WHICH IS GROSS The end. heres my analysis of my tribe woo Andie - Love him we've been friends for a while and he wants to work together so thats cute af Daisy - Super nice we've talked quite a bit so far. I like her Darian - He seems super nice to me and we talked a bit but ive heard he's a shitshow and ive been warned so i know to tread lightly Emma - I'm not gonna like when i saw Emma was on my tribe I was about to beat someones ass because I felt like she hated my guts last time i was around her and it was a rough experience but she like came to me and apologized and shit saying she was having a rough time and idk if that was just to cover her ass for this game or what but im gonna forgive but not forget at this point...or at least until swap/merge lmao Kait - i fucking love Kait she's super straight to the point which is great when everyone else sugar coats the hell out of everything. We seem to work well in PI so here's to hoping it works out this time and we can be a dynamic duo lolol Rhea - Last Week in another game she said she didnt like playing with me and my friends...im not really with my close friends in this game so idk if itll be different but like we've played together a ton and i dont think we ever worked together. She's the nicest person in the world but we like never click together so i wouldnt be surprised if she wanted my ass gone Rob - I dont think we've talked? oops lmfao Sam R. - Hes so chill. We played Myanmar together and we worked together while also targeting eachother? it was so fucking complicated ahahaha but i love him as a person so i hope we're okay in this game??? idk yet tbh Steven - We've talked a bit in the past. He's chill but we arent super close. I dont think he'd target me though so thats a plus

Wooo! I guess taking -10,030 points was worth it! I won immunity from the raffle and I also have the 30% advantage! Couldn't be more happy about the outcome of this challenge. I honeslty don't know who to vote for and I sure as hell won't be scrambling. I know it's not me and that's all I care about 

i am gad we were safe week 1 thanks to Cole quitting again it's insane that he did that but i am glad it gave us safety this week. I hope i can stay longer because immunity wins aren't relying on everyone to win together so if i am bad they won't think i am a threat..

well! tasi WAS peaceful, until little shea decided to target me ONCE again in a game. id like to see him try, because i am NOT going premerge. and, if i have anything to say about it, his ass is GRASS!

So, everyone this tribal has said they are voting Carson, which I have no problems with. I feel like the blame is being put on me for this vote which I don't want. If people flip and I go home, so be it. 

Daisy seems to be the first target and I don't want her to leave. I'm going to see if we can get the votes back on Amanda.

.

http://prntscr.com/ehnjlj

So, tonight is making me super nervous and I don't know what to do.... I feel like this twist fucks me and that's not good. I have played sooo many PI seasons that  I feel like I am an easy target. Also this one world twist is legit making this game THAT much harder and I honestly don't like this shit. I don't know what the fuck I am going to do, and it sucks  so much. I feel like I am a mess and it sucks more so than anything. I just want to make it past this tribal, and I am not sure that I willl. 

Whew I need to write a confessional but also I'm watching Survivor! I am really nervous for this vote! Everyone has been so quiet and I haven't talked to that many people. The plan is supposed to be for Carson. Lily, Liana, Dan, Christine, and I were supposed to create an alliance but we haven't. I'm hoping we will later and no one is actually trying to vote me out. Seamus did say  'Christine or Sam' but he meant Carson? Okay sure hopefully he did! 

Sooo, this has been a wild round, and im not even gonna get into the cole thing other than to say, I'm glad you and your negative bitch ass is gone, and maybe come for me with more accurate shit next time :))). But since this "lovely" soul quit, I didn't have to go to tribal, and I also beat him AHAHAH. BUT I've been chit-chatting with Gabriel alot and I love Gabriel they are soooo chill tbh. And I also am kinda lucky since I know so many people know this season whew. Okay bye

#deeperdarkerdanger