#idk what i'm supposed to do??

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

#writeblr #this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol #by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations #and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me #& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what???? #like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it #''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother #and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!'' #yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious #anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it #it's seen as the only important thing #even if ur gay #and it's a nuanced thing idk #and while rn i i.d. as lesbian #like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like . #sexuality is fluid... #don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label #they're like GET in the BOX #if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me. #(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)

[sexygaywizard]

I kinda hate the term "trauma dumping" because it always makes me feel guilty for just talking about my life and feel like I should be avoiding or lying about stuff that happened to me but like. When you have a life largely shaped by big traumatic events how are you even supposed to talk about yourself at all without talking about that

#every time i go to a party and I end up talking to someone for a while and then i go home and i'm like. oh no did i traumadump on them or we #but like what was i supposed to do?? just lie when you asked me about my mom like idk lol #i talk

[lunarharp]

pretty & cute witch men

#witch hat tag #orufrey #i'm not drawing as much or as well as i'd like to be doing. i'm trying to get through a comic i've been really wanting to do #but i'm just finding it so hard. disheartening. btw the 2nd one relates to some official art of qif wearing a dress like the girls #and the 4th one relates to how i've been drawing EXTREMELY SMALL for years. idk how to explain it but i always clicked 'fit to screen' #and so all my art EVER has looked bad when you zoom in bc it's already like size 1 zoomed in to the MAX pfhgguguhfpfhGHAHHHHH #i was so confused allll this time why brushes always look different for me than what they're supposed to #'wow this brush is so jaggedy..really rather jaggedy...calling it the Jagged Cai Special..bringing it out for those jaggedy moments.. #really quite jaggedy i must say...' and it's literally not jaggedy #but now i have to get used to how all those brushes that i'd gotten used to indeed look how they're supposed to finally. Alarming #I have simply been working out absolutely everything by myself for years and that's why my technical progress is slow #ppl say my progress is fast and i certainly have improved much since i began doing all this but #like..it took me a year and half to start using a program where i could Colour In The Lines aka the..whatever it's called. whatever.. #just on my lonely confused solemn journey to express gay love better than yesterday.. -_- *picks up my pack n continues through the snow* #btw thank you sm for people's kind words enjoying my narumitsu art & fic over the christmas & new year period <3

[wikiangela]

fuck it friday

tagged by @tizniz @bidisasterbuckdiaz @honestlydarkprincess 💖💖

still on my bucktommy bs, I'll be back to buddie but i'm too obsessed with tommy/lou to think about anything else rn lol

so here's a bit of something short I'm wiriting for 7x05 from tommy's pov, idk what this is, what it's gonna be, but I wanna finish it tonight or maybe by the end of the weekend so posting it here to motivate myself and also tell me what y'all think bc the more i reread all of it the more i doubt myself lol

___

It took him some time, plus a lot of self-reflection and just taking it one step at a time, letting himself look at other men, this time consciously and sometimes deliberately, noticing how hot they are, how they make him feel. He let himself feel how they make him feel. It took a minute to stop feeling guilty and ashamed, and to rework all those internalized prejudices that had been ingrained in him his whole life.

He gave himself time, a lot of time, started with just chatting with guys on dating apps, later got the courage for some casual dates, and when he met the man who would be his first actual boyfriend, his first gay relationship, that he genuinely liked, he felt ready to pursue that. It didn’t work out then, that’s just life, but it was a good relationship, because he was ready for it. Now he feels settled and comfortable with himself, feels confident, and knows what he wants. And he wants- he wants love. He doesn’t want to put any pressure on any relationship he might start, but ultimately, that’s the goal. Love. 

He really doesn’t mind being this first to Evan. He likes Evan. He has those bright blue eyes that seem to shine their own light, and that wide, excited smile that makes it impossible not to smile back, with that adorable dimple accompanying it, that makes Tommy melt a little every time he sees it. Plus, those perfect, kissable lips he can’t wait to taste again, and the distinctive birthmark just adding to the charm. And he’s big and strong and so hot, too. And he’s just so nice, and so adorable and endearing, and he’s so easy to talk to. Tommy just wants to keep getting to know him, spend time with him, develop this relationship and see where it can go. And with any luck, maybe this one could last, could be something real.

The thing is, Tommy is ready for serious. He can take it slow, give Evan time to figure everything out, but he’d also like to know where he stands. He would never want to pressure him to come out before he’s ready, but he also knows he doesn’t want to be anyone’s dirty little secret. Been there, done that.

Still, he would be fine with keeping it just to him and Evan for now, for as long as Evan needs. But then…

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @thebravebitch @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @neverevan @weewootruck @loveyouanyway @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @nmcggg @rogerzsteven @giddyupbuck @sunshinediaz @underwater-ninja-13 @exhuastedpigeon @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @theotherbuckley @buddieswhvre @dangerpronebuddie @diazsdimples @fortheloveofbuddie @hoodie-buck @your-catfish-friend @hippolotamus @daffi-990

#7x05 tommy pov fic #fuck it friday #idk im creating a whole backstory for him lmao #idk this is supposed to about him thinking buck's not ready idk what i'm doing #also idk where im going with this fr i just wanted to take a crack at getting into his head #the problem is as much as i love him he's new and i don't have a grasp on him yet like i do with buddie lol #so idk what this is gonna turn into lmao #but the smutty continuation to that other bucktommy fic is coming too! just gonna take longer haha #fic snippet #wikiangela writes #my writing #my wips #911 fic #911 abc #bucktommy #tommy kinard #evan buckley #buck x tommy #bucktommy fic #911 spoilers

[thespineoftherighteous]

i feel very normal and not at all insane about them. trust.

#theyre like. actually best friends can you even believe it #they make me feel too much idk what to do with all of it #they're so FUCKING precious #they're so good #want to chew off my arm or something idk #genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do #normal I'm normal #aftg #dan wilds #neil josten #neil and his foxes #mine aftg

[mayhemspreadingguy]

#hah so I survived the first week of the new semester! this painting was done during an especially uninteresting lecture when I couldn't #bring myself to pay full attention to it. so I decided to doodle something instead ┐⁠(⁠‘⁠～⁠`⁠;⁠)⁠┌ #this is definitely not my usual style but I felt like doing some inking again and playing textures and brushes that I'm not used to #(normally I use only three brushes - 6b pencil. square pastel. wet marker XD) #i found out that limiting my options is often the reasonable thing to do but sometimes it's also nice to experiment and go crazy x'D #but now my brain hurts from all the frustration from finishing this painting -recognizing when to stop sometimes proves to be a challenge XD #mayhem art #hiw should I tag this?? #dream of the endless #i suppose... i mean I strayed a lot and idk what the story behind this one is anymore #dreamling #if you believed me that this is dream then you surely agree that it must be Hob who's braiding Dream's hair right?

[screwpinecaprice]

She probably wears men's pants.

#College Connie #This what she wears to Uni I bet. #Okay but seriously. I'm kind of a cheapskate and I take some hand downs from my taller younger brothers. The pants do last longer #than the ones from my sister and Ma #connverse #connie maheswaran #steven quartz universe #my shiz #skedoobles #steven universe #They're suppose to be holding hands on the bottom right. And I never looked back on it even if I could have cleaned it up. #The yellow parts were actually justa cut out page from the same sketchbook. I just colored them in Medibang just because. ( ⁠•⁠ ⁠ʖ̫⁠ ⁠•⁠ ⁠) #Sometimes she borrows Steven's skirts tho because they all have deep pockets? #Idk why I think that's the case. But it's my headcanon now.

[maxsix]

#i made this just for hyunjin and his weirdly placed piercing #hwang hyunjin #stray kids #felix #changbin #38th gda 2023 #golden disc awards 2023 #no offence to the other people in this gifset #but the absolutely failure of the camerman not to pan slightly to the other side #so that hideous logo wasn't obscuring God's face #Tell Him The North Won't Forget This #and i say its a Him because no woman would do this #skz hyunjin #stray kids hyunjin #idk what and how else to tag him for the tumblr people sorry #let me know how i'm supposed to tag things

[pharawee]

"I want that guy, Air, to disappear from this world!"

—7 DAYS BEFORE VALENTINE · Episode 1

#7 days before valentine #7 days before valentine the series #atom nathaphop #jet somjet #7daysbeforevalentineedit #thai bl #thai drama #bl drama #bl series #my edits. #idk why i subbed to wetv when the quality is so bad :(((( #anyway i'm in love with the style of this #and i think we're not supposed to root for sun #not for what he wants anyway because yeah he's self-centered and immature #and rain is supposed to be in his own world #so different from sun's #(light and dark) #that it's difficult to feel anything for him because he doesn't even seem real #and q? he doesn't seem very keen on doing his job #but also the symbolism in this! #the way the world shifts after sun visits the flower shop/bar #the way he's constantly shown as the devil #the way he's so self-absorbed he doesn't see or care for the girl who's fainted

[starrysharks]

tried to test the waters by asking my mother what she would do if she had a gay child and she said that she'd have them sent to ghana (home country) to be purified. ok

#like idk what i expected other than that but damn ok #this is why i'm glad i didnt try and come out or anything when i was younger a few years ago #anyway she said the other option if 'purification' didnt work was to disown them so i guess ill just come out to spite her as an adult #i do not give a fuck about this family line its ending with me brother #deleting this later i just wanted to get it out #i guess i should tag this as #homophobia #? #and maybe also #religious homophobia #because her hatred comes from supposed bible teachings but also africans are usually just Like That when it comes to homosexuals #africa moment

[beps-brainrot]

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, @miwachan2​ !! I was your secret Santa, so here’s your gift plus a lil’ bonus drawing of vampire Eclipse :D

I adore your Vampiric Equinox AU, and I had so much fun with this. It was seriously a real treat and a pleasure to make these pieces, and I hope I did all the characters justice! Close ups below:

#DCASS2022 #Vampiric Equinox #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #fnaf eclipse #vampire sun #vampire moon #vampire eclipse #vampire au #beps art #daycare art #the bonus eclipse was supposed to be just line art #but i got sick and all i could do was draw for days. so. #don't look at the shading idk what i'm doing #and don't look at their incorrect heights #still so proud of these #i don't think i drew these #i blacked out and then these were done

[piracytheorist]

WAIT

I just noticed something really cool

In the third chapter of the SxF manga, when the Forgers visit the opera, we get that short panel:

Though we don't get a music staff, the notes I circled in red include what we call "ledger lines" (aka lines above or below the staff). As you can see, the notes with ledger lines in the panel are the same with the ones in the actual sheet music I added, and their duration is the same.

It's a presentation of the actual sheet music. Endo (if he was the one who drew that particular panel) drew an opera singer in a costume and makeup fitting the Queen of the Night from Mozart's Die Zauberflöte, and then drew notes from the actual sheet music of that role's most famous aria, Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen (yes, that's the one aria that goes incredibly high, and those notes are from that specific passage you probably know of).

THIS IS BRILLIANT AND THIS CLASSICALLY TRAINED MUSICIAN ADMIRES THE DEDICATION 👏👏

#Spy x Family #now idk what the three notes below are supposed to be #they could be from the beginning of the aria but that isn't repeated after the part I circled #it was probably added to show a bit of variety in notes #and I fully respect that #my man went and found the ACTUAL SHEET MUSIC #I ain't complaining the least bit #also now I'm thinking it could be like... #if you know... #right before that passage shown the Queen says #''if you don't do this then YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER NO MORE'' #ENDO WERE YOU TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING?? #nah it was probably because it's one of the most popular arias of all time #BUT STILL THE COINCIDENCE?? LMAO #500

[choiliner]

you rockin' that fit that's makin' all them strangers smile

#userhev #tusercelia #ayabestie #0x1zone #kangtaebins #usersemily #useryeonbins #kirberries #skyehi #rosieblr #usergyukai #tubatunet #moacentral #tomorrow x together #txt #hueningkai #mine #this is my first time being bias wrecked by hueningkai can anyone help me deal with it #idk what i'm supposed to do #please make it stop #thank you #bias tag 💜

[0ann3]

Waking up at 2am and opening youtube to have this as the first thing I see-

#ensemble stars #enstars #eichi tenshouin #niki shiina #madara mikejima #natsume sakasaki #hajime shino #doodle #april fools event #otome game or shoujo is not the first thing that came to mind as their possible theme #but idk what I'm expecting for this year's april fools anyway LMAO #I think anything is possible after Tori during ensemble training #Anyway #me not going along with my supposed schedule/plans for today #there's the prosekai april fools too and I think I wanna draw a certain group too KAJHSAKSJh #I already had to do this in a rush since I got exams so I might redraw this once I have nothing else to do/draw

[lottieurl]

don’t worry! they’re happy together

#i spent way too much on this not to post it even tho um well idk. it was supposed to be very funny and now its? who knows what it is #yellowjacketsedit #shaunajackie #yellowjackets #im not good at video editing but i do have brain worms so here we are #enjoy? or don't. i'm not your boss #rosevid

[raifuujin]

Anyone else feel like Kaito is almost becoming a secondary character in his own manga due to the heists slowly becoming DC clones of figuring out the tricks going on instead of just letting the heist happen and staying within Kaito's perspective.

#Like. I do wonder how much better things would have been if all we got #Was Aoko talking about her mom. And then Kaito wondering what will happen #Him picking up on the clues /he/ needs to deal with her and Naka #And us not knowing exactly what he's planning nor seeing Midoriko until the heist #I don't mind the other characters being there but. I don't need to follow the detective pov in my thief story #The DC-ified heists I do think could be fixed by just. Keeping the focus where its supposed to be; for the most part #Back when Sun Halo came out I even said it would have flowed better if we purely focused on Kaito and Aoko #And then when Hakuba shows up at the end; do a flashback to show how he got there #It doesnt fix everything; but itd make the chapters a whole lot more palatable #(But I'm sure that'd mess up Gosho's chapter by chapter structure somehow idk) #I miss old Mk's stories where anything could happen but you're always meant to support Kaito