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macroglossus · 3 months

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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

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wizardofgoodfortune · 1 year

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27 for Spotify fic thing!

a bit of comfy dreamling. and i fully believe that this would've been better if i had finished reading the entirety of the comics. alas... we can have a bit of silliness for now! but thank you for the ask!! 💓 i hope you are having fun with the ask game.

--

When you've lived for such a long period of time unimaginable to the common living being, asking for help is something short of unthinkable. He is Endless, after all. Lord of Dreams and Ruler of Nightmares. The Dreaming itself.

At least, that's what Dream thinks.

Death said he was foolish for not asking for help during his century in the Wych Cross, in the Burgess's basement, and for the pursuit of his tools afterwards. He doesn't think she will ever understand—he didn't want to worry her, or anyone for that matter.

Much less Hob Gadling, who is a mere 600 years old. He was older than most, yes, but still. Dream should be able to handle everything by himself. The Shaper of Forms should be able to fix all his problems on his own.

This is why Dream couldn't fathom why Hob gave him this tiny device he called a 'mobile phone'.

"Keep in touch," Hob said, "for when you need my help the next time you get... compromised. Or for when you just want a drink. Or a friend," he tacked on, grinning.

Dream stared at the phone accusatorily. It sat on the couch beside him in his room, unaware of his glare.

It was as if Hob didn't know how hard it already was for him just to mention that he'd been captured. By a human, with parlor tricks, no less. And before their recent meeting, they just met once every hundred years. Now Hob expected Dream to just... 'text' him?

Dream scoffed. This was ridiculous. They should have just continued to meet every hundred years.

But then again, the whole ordeal with Rose Walker and Desire just finished. Could Hob have helped with that problem? Most likely not. But sometimes, Dream did find that... elaborating... on one's feelings... proved. Useful.

And in the light of having been betrayed by his sibling, there was nothing he wanted more than to hear someone talk at him, for distraction. Or maybe even listen to him. Much like Hob did, the last time, in The New Inn.

Dream sighed. This was ridiculous. He tucked the phone into his coat, and left. He had much to do, and little time to spend on frivolities. He couldn't spend his time ruminating on every single thing in his life; he would certainly go insane if he did. So he will concentrate on the things he can fix now.

--

Dream was in the middle of a meeting with Lucienne and Merv when a ding! rang in the throne room. Lucienne looked up from her notes, and Mervyn cocked his pumpkin head.

It came from inside his coat. Dream paused for a moment, and opened his mouth to continue—

Ding!

"Uh, boss, I think that's coming from you," Merv said.

Lucienne hid the lower half of her face in her ledger. Dream dreaded to think why.

"I will take care of this," Dream said, standing from his throne. "I trust you will be able to attend to the repairs in my place, Lucienne. Mervyn."

"Of course, my lord," Lucienne said.

"See ya, boss," Merv said.

Dream turned away and blinked into his room before he could see them smile at each other at his expense.

He conjured the phone from his coat, forming from grains of sand. The screen simply said, '2 new messages from Hob Gadling.'

"Hey stranger! Fancy a night out at The New Inn? Just got done with finals, and I could use a relaxing evening. Beer for me, wine for you? I got you something even better than before," the first text said.

In their last meeting, Dream had actually caved to drinking wine. It seemed more palatable than any of the drinks in the past six centuries, and he was. In a good mood, so to say. He didn't really realize how thirsty he was until he got into a comfortable atmosphere.

"And I'm thinking you should try out our pizza tonight. Only made out of the finest ingredients, I promise. If you thought the shepherd's pie was good, wait for this one," the second text said.

And how hungry.

And because the Dreaming is him, thunder rumbled in the distance, as if to imitate an empty stomach growling.

This is ridiculous, Dream thought, as he stepped out of his room and into The New Inn. It was evening this time, and the place glowed yellow and orange. It was alive with its customers' tipsy buzz, the clinking of tableware, and the smell of savory food and alcohol.

Dream looked over to the spot where Hob sat before, and felt a pang of an unnamable feeling in his chest when he didn't see him there.

"My friend," bellowed a familiar voice from behind the counter.

It was Hob. He had a small towel thrown over his shoulder, and he had half of his hair tied back. Dream noticed the beads of sweat on his temples.

"Didn't expect you here so soon. I'll be right with you," Hob said, his face bright. He gestured to the table in the corner. "Have a seat."

And so Dream sat where he sat before. What was Hob up to?

"Sorry for the wait," said Hob from behind. He came brandishing a glass and a bottle. Was that a smear of something red on his cheek? And why was he wearing a flour-dusted apron? "If I knew you would come this fast, I would have texted you much earlier."

Dream watched Hob pour him a glass of wine.

"Y'know, you could have replied. I would've been more prepared that way," Hob said, setting down the bottle, and settling down across Dream. "Not that I mind, of course. Just thought you would be more preoccupied. But I could get used to it."

Dream huffed. "Do not. You merely caught me at an opportune time."

"And what joy," Hob said. He was grinning. Then he was standing up again. "Be right back."

Hob disappeared behind the counter and into what Dream assumed is the inn's kitchen. Dream looked at the wine. It didn't seem right to drink alone.

So instead, Dream listened to the sound of the inn's patrons talking to their friends about their day, good or bad, listened to the soft music playing on the speakers, listened to the dreams of a student snoozing on his friend's shoulder, heavily inebriated too early in the night.

He was having a nightmare about his 'finals,' as Hob called it. Dream waved the nightmare away. In this place, he deserved comfy dreams. His nightmare could wait another night.

"Make way, hot pizza coming through," Hob announced from behind again, hurriedly setting down a wooden plate. On it was flat bread with golden, melted cheese and the same red sauce that Dream saw on Hob's cheek earlier. There were also sliced cherry tomatoes and basil leaves on top. The pizza glistened under the yellow lights of the inn.

"Been a while since my last pizza," Hob said, sitting down across him with a sigh. He held his beer in his other hand. Maybe this time he would stop moving around so much.

Wait.

"You made this," Dream said, in disbelief.

"Yeah, picked it up when I lived in Italy a few years back. Don't think it's as good as how they taught me, but you be the judge. And don't hold back," Hob said as he cut through the sauce and cheese with a knife. "Hey, you haven't drank your wine yet."

"No," Dream said. He didn't want to elaborate.

"Buon appetito," Hob said, gesturing to the pizza. He wiped some of the sweat on his forehead away with his towel.

Dream stared at Hob.

"Please, before it gets cold," Hob insisted.

"Are you not going to eat?" Dream asked.

"Oh." Hob paused. Was that surprise? "I suppose I should, shouldn't I?"

Dream took his slice the same time Hob did, but Dream had more difficulty with his. The cheese stretched on impossibly, refusing to let go, until Hob chuckled and cut through it with his knife.

And finally, Dream bit into the slice. Both the sliced tomatoes and the tomatoes used in the red sauce reminded him of a dream of a farmer in the Italian countryside, toiling away in the hot day and coming home to his wife and son, his arms full of produce. The hot cheese came from the milk of a family cow cherished by its farmer. It dreamt of a seemingly never-ending green pasture, where she lived with her calves. The bread had the thoughts of the man in front of him kneaded into it, thoughts of how proud he was of his students, especially those graduating soon. Even the basil leaves contained Hob's thoughts, each carefully placed on the pizza, wondering if Dream would like it.

Dream gulped.

"Good?" Hob asked. He was smiling, but Dream spotted a bit of worry on the lines in his crow's feet.

"It is," Dream tried to find a sufficient word, but ended up echoing Hob, "good."

Dream watched Hob's shoulders loosen.

"Good. Great," Hob said, grinning, fully this time.

Dream felt his own chest tighten. He stifled the feeling with more of the pizza instead, and listened to Hob launch into how finals week went.

Maybe later in the night, wine-drunk, Dream would tell Hob of what happened recently. But right now, he was content to eat, and drink, and listen to his friend.

#i think sometimes dream could use a little bit of a good time. as a treat #and i think he has a different relationship with and perception of food. idk. for fun #sandman #dreamling #*my fic #*#wintersmitth #this went longer than i thought it would im So Sorry #i didn't know how to end it. Help #i might continue it? idk what to do with this anymore. LMFAO #i hope you are doing well!#spotify wrapped #ask

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moonpool-system · 8 months

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pretty boys and pure evil. reblog if you agree

#prism #ramblings #funny #honestly idk what im doing anymore lmfao

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wabblebees · 9 months

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im like if the most useless boytoy twink was also an incredibly handy butch lesbian

#this post is about me collapsing as soon as i got home from work #where i used a garden hoe i sharpened myself to hack down+tear out a truly impressive thistle 3× my size while 3 of my coworkers watched #swung it overhead like an axe until the centre stalk (almost the size of my wrist) was felled. then hoed around it until the roots came free #& i could grab it with my hands where there werent any thorns. turned around and all 3 of em were lookin at me like 😳😳 lmao #but now im sitting in my bathtub bc i cant stand long enough to shower anymore hdksgsk #knew this morning it was a bad pain day but pushed thru it anyway bc!! there was work to do!! but now im gonna be totally useless for 24hrs #cest la vie i suppose #after the thistle was properly disposed of just kept tilling+weeding+fixin tomato cages in the fields. came home & felt sooo dykey+hot lmfao #was like ''fuck yeah man idk what was up with me this morning im feelin fine now! great even!''#then took my knee braces off to get into the shower & almost busted my ass on the tile when both of em gave out🤦#my shoulders are now reminding me that i Dont Have the muscle mass to use a bigass hoe like anything but a hoe w/out Paying For It later #its a good thing i have the day off tomorrow bc im going to turn into a slug as soon as im done steaming meself like a little dumpling #definitely thinkin about using my pathetic-wet-cat-charm to get someone to bring me food tonight tho... hmm #anyway. wheres that post #''im not a butch but i believe their beliefs''#its my exectution thats lacking lmao. but in any case #mwah. mwah mwah mwah #<-for all the butches out there. ily tysm youre wonderful #and to all the useless boytoy twinks out there: o7 <3 #godspeed fellow hopeless fags. ily too. keep doin what yr doin lmao #bee speaks

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vzajemnik · 2 months

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testosterone save me for real.............................

#🗞️#havent felt such an urge and tbh need to go on t for. a while #like years probably #but now it truly begins to feel necessary for survival like i cant do this anymore i need to transition #the thing that changed is the way i dress now vs how im being perceived #back when (i say this as if it wasnt this time last year and then some) i used to dress (hyper)feminine being perceived as a woman #was expected and i knew what i was signing up for and shit. and there was a part of me that was like ha ha you dont even know what youre #saying whenever anyone maamed me. but now its fucking unbearable like what else is there for me to do than to transition #like i dont even cause confusion for people. and tbh idk what id prefer more being called maam right away or for people to hesitate before #saying it. probably still the second option. ohhh god #at least i know why the urge to dress feminine again is coming from. bc at least it doesnt feel as dysphoria inducing bc i feel like im in #drag.#i wish transitioning was easier lmfao idk what i was thinking that once im on my own i can just do it. well i cant

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burberryhat · 3 months

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*tap tap* is this thing on

hi lol it’s ainsley formally known as falloutlouie & now known as burberryhat (twt) or dreamboylouis (ig)

changed my about page w some important updates about this blog but basically i’m trying to come back to tumblr again as a fan art account :] pls go read

ive been off this app for nearly 3 years so idk how anything works anymore but i just thought i’d make a post to officially update you all on what im gonna do with this account from now on. hope y’all are doing well!

#we are soooooo back #ainsley speaks #text #falloutlouie #1d #louis tomlinson #<< just for visibility i guess idk what im doing #idek if i have active followers on here anymore LMFAO but i guess only one way to find out!

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swordmaid · 3 months

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just got the durge reveal..!!! screamnnn it’s saur good when you actually have a durge specific character and not just an au of the char you previously made lol. anyway I’m just imagining yves admitting that she’s one of bhaal’s children and then her going like oh btw I was his bride too 🧍‍♀️

#I was watching corpse bride earlier (bc of yves lol. it’s inspo) and now I have a vision #of yves wearing her old vein again (gifted by gortash) maybe in her old dress but idk if she’ll manage to find that #but anyway yves in her old veil walking back to bhaal’s temple with her flail humming here comes the bride #it’s a whole ass visual in my head ok LIKE THE girls who gets it gets it ‼️‼️‼️#but I’m like 🤭🤭 at the reveal then waking up to jaheira watching you #bc yves is not revealing anything!!! she’s not saying that she’s gonna turn away from bhaal nor is she saying she’s gonna embrace him #she’s being very sly rn… keeping her cards close to her chest …#her dialogues are getting more calculated too… unlike in act 1 where she was mindlessly following whatever people were telling her #(like she literally smeared shit on her face lol) she’s now being very careful of what she says …#and I just imagine her demeanour changing completely after the reveal … she’s not that naive cleric anymore she’s someone else entirely ….#her eyes are hardened she is more shrewd and reserved … but there’s moments where she lets her guard down #and she becomes that sweet girl again ..#anyway start of act 3 is yves starting to plot…!! and to scheme ..!!! 🤭#/IM/ particularly excited bc I’ve been planning to do this particular thing and it’s the sole reason why I’m doing her playthrough #so I hope it works out LMFAO like I’m hyped for it personally feels like a fitting climax to her story #shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers

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deus-ex-mona · 4 months

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very very shoddy tl for this song here (h e y !)

アダムとイブよりも楽しもうぜ

罪を犯したって神も見ちゃいない

サンタもプレゼントも必要ない

街中巻き込んで今宵は宴(HEY)

Let’s enjoy ourselves more than Adam and Eve do

God won’t be watching us even if we commit sins either

There’s no need for Santa Claus, nor is there a need for presents

Let’s party with the whole town tonight (HEY)

20時起きる街

仲間待ち

化粧したこの街

浮かれ騒がしい

イルミネーション目奪われて歩く

笑顔が照らされる

聖なる夜よ

The town rouses at 8pm

I’m waiting to meet up with my friends

The town is dolled up in decorations

And is alight with fun and laughter

As I walk down the street, with my gaze ensnared by the Christmas lights

I see bright smiles all around

It’s a holy night for sure

誰かと幸せに

笑えていればいい

一緒に過ごせれば始まる

しけたツラするなよ

I want to share my happiness with someone

Just smiling together is enough for me

We’re just getting started as we spend time together

So don’t look so blue, ‘kay?

Merry Merry Xmas

肩を組んで

理性壊して音に酔いしれ

Merry Merry Xmas

ぶち上げるぜ

街中巻き込んで今宵は宴

忙しい毎日今日は忘れて(HEY)

Merry Merry Xmas

With our shoulders pressed against each other’s

Let’s crush our senses of rationality and get intoxicated by the sounds

Merry Merry Xmas

Let’s raise the roof

And party with the whole town tonight

Let’s forget all about our busy lives just for today (HEY)

ガキの頃浮かれてたXmas

目をこすってまってた

ジングルベル

でかくなって金を持っても

変われない

特別に感じた

聖なる夜よ

Since I was a kid, I’ve always been excited for Xmas

I’d rub my eyes in wait for

The Jingle Bells

But even though I’ve grown up and now have money of my own

That hasn’t changed

It still feels special to me

It’s a holy night for sure

誰かの幸せで

笑えていればいい

繋がっているから温かい

しけたツラするなよ

I want to share someone’s happiness with them

Just smiling together is enough for me

We’re nice and warm cuz we’re connected

So don’t look so blue, ‘kay?

Merry Merry Xmas

楽器を持て

思うがままに音を奏でて

Merry Merry Xmas

足で鳴らせ

街中揺らしてけ今夜は宴

Merry Merry Xmas

Let’s grab our instruments

And make some music to our heart’s content

Merry Merry Christmas

Let the sounds of our footsteps ring out

Let’s shake it in the town, tonight’s a party

Merry Merry Xmas

肩を組んで

理性壊して音に酔いしれ

Merry Merry Xmas

ぶち上げるぜ

街中巻き込んで今宵は宴

忙しい毎日今日は忘れて(HEY)

Merry Merry Xmas

With our shoulders pressed against each other’s

Let’s crush our senses of rationality and get intoxicated by the sounds

Merry Merry Xmas

Let’s raise the roof

And party with the whole town tonight

Let’s forget all about our busy lives just for today (HEY)

#kept the xmas as-is bc it’s a few fewer letters to type lmfao #idk if im just tired but some of these lines don’t make much sense without any mv context #i t h i n k it’ll make more sense once the mv comes out idk #corrections appreciated (pls im begging)#idk why i stayed up for this release but (h e y) do it for them (read: ft4) amirite~~~~?#anyways! um! mv in a couple of days!!!! see you then!!!!#(tl will also probs be updated then lolsobs what is english anymore tbh)#fedora throttle4 #fedora translations4

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ncrdyprude · 9 months

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✮ BOWIE ﹕ ANY PRNS # 19 ꒰ BLACK

UK , MULTI , CAPRICORN , POOKIE

writing blog ⭒⠀@bdypnt

꒰ back to that prophetic esplanade ꒱

hii! i'm bowie, and i'm obsessed with old men 😝 the obsession got too bad i've been sectioned to tumblr !? this blog is just me spewing out stuff that doesn't really make sense but. it'll be fun i think!! my interests are: tlou, marvel, star wars, history, arctic monkeys, film, musical theatre, music, horror, sitcoms, vampires & more.

꒰ formation displays of affection fly over ꒱

i do art often so that'll come up quite a bit probably and sometimes i write !! ( i got a blog for that but i'll end up reblogging 'n' postin' here too ) i also sing, plus act? i guess?? well aspiring something !! whatever that is !!

꒰ takin' a dive in your crystal ball ꒱

please don't be afraid i don't bite, im truly an angel ( LMFAOO ) ummmm before i make an absolute fool of myself i'll stop but yepp this is my first time actually making an attempt on tumblr and it might go terribly wrong but we move !!

꒰ hitchhiking with a monogrammed suitcase ꒱

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sulevinen · 8 months

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i feel like every jayce hater is a viktor lover

#like do you know what i mean?? every single girlie i see hating on jayce says they love viktor.#like of COURSE you love viktor who wouldn’t #but i don’t. understand. the correlation between loving viktor and hating jayce #because really jayce is the least of viktor’s problems #like oh jayce was sleeping with mel when viktor was dying (because of his own experiment) and that’s why jayce sucks???#like man. jayce has his own set of problems and VIKTOR NEVER TALKS ABOUT HIS so how is jayce supposed to know #idk my biggest pet peeve i guess is hating a character because they’re slightly mean to a character you love #because that is such a lame reason to hate someone #also?? most of the people who love viktor baby him. and that’ssssss a choice. to be sure. hm.#sigh i just sometimes dislike viktor fans so much lmfao and im not even a jayce fan #i just think it’s so unfair to hate a character from arcane over something so small #as jayce ’not being there’ for viktor.#i mean it’s ARCANE ffs and you decide to hate jayce over that???#really in arcane i don’t hate any characters except marcus #because every character has so much nuance and depth that i can understand them very well #except marcus. he’s just an asshole #but like. okay yeah i don’t know what i’m saying anymore #i just don’t like jayce hate because of viktor love #like it’s okay to hate jayce but PLEASE tell me there are other reasons than just the fact that he doesn’t baby viktor the way you do #ugh #viktor fans are another can of worms im not a fan of opening #🫧

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astrxealis · 1 year

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hozier yoo

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#yoo his new songs ... the new ep ..... so good #personal fav is 'all things end' you're so right !!!!!#uhh i am a bit stressed bcs lots of things i gotta do but i'll try my best to manage things well #anyway. HELLO good afternoon !! i hope you all have a lovely day or evening or whatever? :<#also i'm still unsure. bs psych or compsci aaa i like both equally with the cons and pros so it's sucky LMFAO i can't decide #it's funny. i recently got woa i wna go to psych and med etc etc bcs i watched a video and was like i wna help ppl fr #but then the tried out chat gpt bcs my mom and dad mentioned it again and i was curious. ai is absolutely terrifying yet so interesting #there's a bunch of data that goes into that stuff and i've been interested since #i first went to this science museum here in the ph! i really wna go again sometime aaa i miss that place. i still rmbr it #robots are super interesting to me haha sometimes i forget my clubs as a kid were engineering robotics coding related #and only in middle school it turned to. more sporty clubs LMFAO but even then i always preferred tech stuff lol #except i am extremely interested in psych and the like and SCIENCE and RESEARCH and all that but compsci just as much #i am not fond as fond of. chem and bio? bio depends on the specifics of what it is #but then arghhh physics is uh. idk i prefer it actually now that i think abt it LMFAO but math is. smth i love but also it's hard #IDK OKAY i'm still conflicted. uhghm. i love both and both are difficult but i like that lmfaooo #research is smth im interested in a lot and so is data stuff! snd then eventually im interested in either compsci or psych as a career #and both are things im interested in a lot even if i dont end up. going into that career #IDK ANYMORE BYE anyway play gbf and have a lovely weekend

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pepprs · 2 years

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i feel so bad posting about this bc it was an accident but my laptop kept crashing w minecraft so my brother was very kindly trying to fix it for me and he thought maybe a workaround was to reduce the ram taken up by other applications and in the process he accidentally wiped my firefox back to its original settings and cleared my extensions and that’s fine bc i can kinda piece together what i had before but my new tabs page extension (squarepage) was so beautiful and it had really grown on me but apparently it got taken down on the mozilla add ons store sometime in the last few days and now i can’t get it back and im crushed

#i realized infinity tab (which i was using on chrome) has a Firefox version too and im like half heartedly trying to recreate what my page l #looked like on chrome but i don’t even want to anymore like i just want squarepage back but i don’t think they do a good job of like #contacting customers and stuff bc i emailed them abt this glitch like a week and a half ago atp and they never replied. so idk if they know #or will restore it or if it would be annoying if i emailed and asked but im so sad and irritated that it got taken down. it was sort of #symbolic of a fresh start but also firefox is eating up so much more memory than chrome was and i literaly can’t play minecraft anymore so #idk what the fuck to do or if i should just go back to chrome or what. this sucks lmfao #purrs #delete later

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gommyworm · 2 years

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:^/