#idk what im saying but by god ik saying it !

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[sttoru]

ima tell u this now : if u hate on x reader fics, block me cus by doing that you r doing us both a great favour 🤚🏽 ion need any of ur negativity on my blog because this is a safe space for people who do enjoy x reader fics goodbye

#𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆. #im gonna vent a bit in tags so ignore #bcs ive seen like two hate posts on x reader w a lot of interaction #and ima say this #leave ppl alone … maybe.. idk? like to each their own #its not that hard to block people if you don’t like their content #i swear we x reader writers wont even mind or notice if u do #we’d be so glad if u just block us completely #like god bless u for taking out the negativity (you) from our blog #i might not like oc fics but do u see me hating on them?? no bcs i just scroll past them #sometimes i even read them bcs thers no harm in trying out different things #and some of them are rlly good !!! #but ay just leave ppl be and stop acting stupid n pathetic 😟… #ofc everyone should tag their posts accordingly #i do too #but can u blame ppl for enjoying what they read? #ik some of u dislike it bcs reader is most likely written as a petite white female #but the x reader fics im reading dont have such descriptions added at all #yall just looking at the wrong stuff #but maybe its bcs i follow mainly poc / black writers 🤷🏽‍♀️ #anyway i love when i can insert myself in fics and feel appreciated idk abt yall #but hating on ppls enjoyments is a bit.. childish #i thought we left that behind #and grew up #but okk!! do what u gotta do ig #main point: block x reader tags + the writers you come across #u r doing both of us a HUGE favour 😋 ! #tw discourse #tw vent #cw vent

[bridge-demon]

begging on my hands and knees for grell to be gendered correctly in this new black butler season. if she’s in it.

#ik its a different culture in japan around transness but...... #yana toboso confirmed it so like. please? please. please?????? #idk shit from fuck when it comes to what yana says is canon #or the manga really #so idk how often shes in it or what the plans are for s4 but. im tired of hearing her get misgendered good GOD #grell sutcliff #black butler #kuroshitsuji #black butler season 4 #black butler grell

[baeshijima]

it is now officially the 25th which means...

merry christmas everyone !!! regardless of whether u celebrate or not, i hope u all have a lovely day with whoever u spend it with or with urself <33

#sophie's idle chatter #this is scheduled so im HOPING it posts at 12 am.... prays.... #i havent been super active in the past month or two bc life is kicking my ass (<- has said this countless times already but its still true) #also !! i see asks and ill try and answer them when i actually have the time and energy 😭 ik i say this a lot but ive been drained good god #(not so) mini life updates : #the new lovebrush chronicles main story update has made me weep so much... ive done both clarence and ayns routes and.... #my god.... this story is darker and honestly im loving it AND i love how they did the chara roles in this world (alkaid... ourgh...) #my tear glands arent tho bc ayn ending 3.... what the fuck was that i couldnt sleep after doing that ending??? ITS WAS SO SAD AND FOR WHATF #currently having to wait until the 27th so i can do lars route 😔 #the recent ep of apothecary diaries.... ourgh my heart.... jinshi and maomao beloveds :(( #oh !! and ive gotten back into my ace of diamonds/daiya no ace phase and have been rewatching the series... #sobbing chris and yuki and miyuki my beloveds.... kissing ur foreheads and holding u gently..... #the way i got back into it bc im catching up on s2 of a clean sweep (a korean baseball variety show that i love with all my heart ;w;) #my mum is a traitor tho bc she watched every new ep that came out on tuesdays while i was in uni 🧍‍♀️ so now im catching up on the 30 eps #on my own 🧍‍♀️ #OMG AND ALSO DR STONE S3??? WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED THAT PART 1 CAME OUT MONTHS AGO AND PART 2 WAS MORE RECENT??? #i havent been doing that much writing recently tho bc the fingers wont type but the brain is exploding with ideas i cannot handle this #i do want to get back to the haitham sxf series tho.... and also my oc various x reader series....... #tbh ive been contemplating abt publishing the haitham series on ao3 once i write more chapters before publishing them #idk i feel like the series would be nice to have on ao3 as well as tumblr JHDG #thats abt it i think? #anywho if u read this far then know i am giving u a warm cookie as a condolence prize for getting through this life dump <33 #ill leave it off here but i hope u all have a lovely day !! mwah mwah merry chrysler everyone 🎄🫶 #queue... ueueue

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #ladies... its lovesickness on the menu again tn NDNNDNDNDMDMDNDMDMDMDM #god help me #i made it like 29 years without this. why now NFNDNDNNDNDNDNDMD #like ok im happy to be experiencing this in the sense that like... now ik what it feels like to really like someone #but man oh man is it... A Lot #and like maybe its this intense at any age. but idk..... it feels like So Much..... #and im freaking out bc i talk to my mom about it ok. and shes like oh ya that reminds me of how i felt with ur dad in the beginning n im #just... like ... o #bc my parents were like friends first and are like in Love love and have a v happy marriage so im just #the... Potential of having that n like oh god idk. i just dont know its all too much...... #and im also like what if its all in my head. but then again like why is he waiting around for me n messaging me out of the blue. #i also caught him staring at me n looking away after i caught him. i just..... idk like i wanna Believe so bad but im so scared too........ #im all over the place JDJDDMDMDMDMDMDMDNJDND #but i also am just..... i'll be patient .... bc rushing is no good #like idk. i feel like things have been Moving. and its not super fast but its a pace i can handle #bc ok say i Do ask him out or he asks me.... then oh fuck. then all the Scary things happen. like ok not scary #i dint think itd be scary with him #but idk.... physical... things. would start happening n like. id l9ve to hold his hand n like k___ him ok OK. but at the same time i just.. #idk !!!!!!! im v shy !!!!!@@@@@ and ya. ....... idk 😭😭😭 #like i like him so much that i think id want him to .... i just .. ya idk. #getting kind of ahead of myself here but what else is new

[kendallroygf]

the dykery in the haunting of hill house book was so crazy and then in the 1963 movie they were like. why don’t we imply a budding romance between eleanor and this boring fucking man!!!

#i hate you lavender scare + the hays code … like sorry ik it was 1963 but on god the book is sooo much better . #like i can’t be bothered getting into it but including the romantic tension between eleanor nd the dr and giving theo’s book lines to him .. #like eleanor’s profound loneliness and craving for connection and belonging is literally represented thru the house AND theo in the book. #she wants to dress like theo paint her nails red like theo live with theo etc she turns to the house for connection when she feels theo is #rejecting her sooo it comes off kind of like a completely different story when the narrative is that eleanor feels replaced by dr markway’s #wife as if dr markway is like. the physical manifestation of the house and she actually desires him all along esp when he’s such a paternal #figure in the book like idk i didn’t really like it all. #what im trying to say is eleanor+theo✂️✂️✂️✂️ #ALSO i read this nyt piece on shirley jackson and it was god awful. it was so superficial and disingenuous like there’s no good #articles or whatever else on jackson at all i didn’t she was written off this badly like… like i can only rely on tumblr girls fr

[skitskatdacat63]

I just saw a tiktok that was like "can somebody explain to me the 'absolute batshit' formula one lore there must be to incite 21k fanfictions of the sport" uhhhhhhhhhh yeah lemme pull out my powerpoint with 1k+ slides

#im not coming at this person obv bcs i do think theres like a huge learning curve w f1 #BUT that being said there is an absolutely insane amnt of lore in f1 one cant even begin to explain easily #(ik this firsthand bcs im trying to make a guide for some friends and its impossible to condense) #first you must realize the baffling amnt of shared history they all have #then you realize there's prob fics posted for every single race wknd #and then also theres fics abt the past 30+ seasons(i say that bcs the amnt of fic lessens the further back it is) #not to mention all the different media(news articles videos compilations etc) #but like yeah...theres a lot of lore #i think i prob learn at least one new thing a day #but even if youre learning abt one specifc driver or pairing theres still like an endless amnt of info #i just thought it was funny bcs they were like 'what amnt of lore does f1 even have' #and its like god you cant even begin to imagine the depths #(me whos constantly stuck in motorsport and gettyimages hell LMAO) #im just thinking abt the amnt of lore that happens at even just one race wknd #(i mean thru watching full races ive learned so much info that I never even wouldve though to research into) #whoops sorry that was a lot of rambling #(as i said not going after that person but when people say things like this it kinda annoys me 😒) #(like its someone elses passion why does there need to be a reason for it you get me?) #(but that being said f1 does in fact have a crazy amnt of history and lore behind it that people underestimate) #(but yeah idk how to feel abt the phrasing 'absolute batshit' like bro its a yr long sport w 70+ seasons one would wonder) #(i think this person made a vid abt everything changes as well? so i feel a lil defensive like hey dont talk abt things you dont get :/) #catie.rambling.txt #f1 #formula 1

[widevibratobitch]

.

#havent really been active on tumblr the last few days but now i came back to post another vent and fuck off again lol hiiiiii #i havent cried in way too long. ngl sobbing hysterically in your bed does hit different lol #anyway. what a great time to remind myself of every single bad thing anyone has ever said about my body and my face <3 #anyway i finished the sobbing till i cant breathe session and now my one eye hurts like there's sth stuck in it but there's nothing #but while i was digging in it trying to find sth under my eyelid that could explain the pain i really really looked at it #my friend once said my eyes are the colour of a swamp and by god she was right. #and like damn. i was never insecure about my eyes but maybe i should add that to the list. #but like whatever. like obv im not gonna start being actually insecure about mu stupid eyes but it did hit me that there is really #not a single thing about my body that i can with all confidence say is nice/pretty/whatever. not a single thing that i genuinely like. #like at best case it's 'not as bad as it could be'. like i have nothing lol. cant even honestly say something as silly as 'i like my eyes' #cause no. they look like a swamp. #idk im just so tired of trying my best all the time and still looking like a rotting leaking bag of garbage. #i try to remind myself that i dress funny and do fun make up and that is what people will notice about me but the truth is #everyone will still always see that under all that bs im just plain ugly and just generally unattractive #and ill never be able to distract anyone from that not really #like ik people who like me dont care about that but thats the thing. #im just tired of being one of the people that will always be liked/loved/whatever 'despite' sth. #like there is nothing of value in me that is NATURAL. its all fucking fake. #anyway. wish i were dead same old same old.

[crystalis]

finally replied to my grandmas unhinged fb comment

#god i hope she just doenst reply back honestly #idk why i even bother bc 80 year old arent gonna suddenly change what theyve believed their whole lives but im just like well #maybe if i say it this way #(clueless) #shes the one that comments on everything so like ik she expects me to respond

[starswallowingsea]

every time i've gotten into a popular series or franchise i've always been disappointed by it because like. its so hyped up and i watch it and find it mid and it appears we are not watching/playing the same thing

#reasons i wont like. get into ace attorney or fma or anything else #and by popular i mean like. ubiquitously popular. like an 'everyone at least knows of it' type #like ik enstars is popular especially in asia but in the west its a lot more niche #for whatever reason one piece is more niche ime than naruto or bleach despite arguably being bigger and literally still ongoing #and then jjk. god help me jjk is awful now #i was going to say idk if jjk is at that level but i've had easier times finding merch for that than some series here #so its certainly up there. #umu not to say its not good but i just find them being so hyped up leads to a lot of disappointment especially #since i didnt get into them at the same time as everyone else ie during formative times in my life #in middle/high school so it holds a completely different context for me being in my early 20s #anyway. idk where i was going with this. im not not into popular media/anime specifically #obviously. i run a semi popular one piece blog. #but compared to other things i am certainly less drawn to popular series #and find the uber popular ones have. declined in quality recently #what is going on in bsd even these days i should catch up. no i shouldnt. someone tell me when kouyou shows up again #the only redeeming thing in that series is my beloved kouyou you dont understand #and chuuya but mostly kouyou #but if its not just me and 20 other bloggers on this godforsaken site then i dont want it #shay speaks #again this is. just about my personal taste dont try to take this out of context so help me god

[ace-with--a-mace]

the truth is i actually get so insanely jealous

#not even ab christmas gifts and stuff its likr #idk obvi its christmas ppl will post their hauls but its like damn? more than 3 items person?? #every year i get a pair of pjs and something practical. not that im complaining because its shit i use but #we dont make gift lists. we arent asked and arent allowed to want stuff so idk how to ask for it. then ppl ik have 30 plus items of junk an #i donr care ab presents because im a hoarder who doesnt use my shit but they have families who know of their interests #who talk to them everyday and go out of their way to converse. i don't even know my brothers fav color. my mother doesnt know my fav food. #me and my grandma say at most 6 words a day cuz of a language barrier and my father is a baby who doesnt reach out first #i eent to a friends house 2 dsys ago snd the whole family was chatting and the house was so lively and homey #then i go home and nobody says a word to each other. idk what code everyone has that im missing but oh my god im so jealous #im jealous of their relationships their freedom their partners the amount they spend their friendships their personalities #i want to be like them. i want to be them. but im me and the most i said to mom on christmas day was merry Christmas. then get yelled at #l speaks #shut up l #ranting in the tags because i can #its like god took his time making their lives as close to perfect as possible then went to me and was like ehh #he made me odd and offputting enough to make me different then made me 'normal' enough to not raise any flags #then put me in the most virtually normal home environment that at its core is fucked #but idk. its 5 am i havent slept in 2 days merry Christmas happy new year. #posts that couldve gone in the notes app

[bishonenspit]

posting your artwork publically can be so rewarding and so motivating but most of the time it just results in psychological turmoil inflicted on yourself

#like oh my god girl help #im so sad and over my confidence to do with my art being paper thin and fragile but nothing changes no matter how much i like a piece #i hate the idea that artists only draw for interaction bc i definitely do not do that id have to be stupid to with the stuff i draw #but i also hate the idea that artists shouldn't want interaction on their work? like it's a very human emotion to want your work to be seen? #i just wish people liked my stuff more truly. im aware my style is specific and to a particular taste and ik that my work isn't the like #high flawless standard of most traditional art that gets posted. like ik that and like god i wish i had that skill level but i don't!! #i like what i do tho i just wish it felt like a lot of other people did idk maybe that's vain or something. I don't know!! #i wish i did digital art but i hate working digital lol #ppl don't believe me when i say that digital art is preferred over traditional online but i rlly believe it's true #and if your traditional art does well it's at the level of digital art flawlessness #im simultaneously like im too young to be crazy good like other people online but also im too old to be on the path to getting good. yk #i blame it on a small fandom sometimes but that's unfair bc art within small fandoms still does really well #idk i think im just a flop probably but also i think im insecure. schrodinger's online artist crisis #anyways sorry ignore this im just running my mouth don't pity reblog my shit or anything i don't want that #idk what i want but it's not that lmao #i think i want to be better at art and i want people to like my art. which i have like minimal control over. #being an artist is fun until the turmoil sets in

[pianostarinwonderland]

lowkey wondering rn, am i a clown for liking the latest Disney merch xDD like ok I can't deny that the outfits could have been better in terms of their colors. That particular shade of white doesn't suit Riddle very well. Somehow Leona wears it better, but you know that it could also be better. Something more customized and personalized like even just a splash of color would be so nice. But otherwise, I like the art style, it's cute on them. I'm kinda sad that everywhere I go, I see people not liking it, and then I'm like "soo... am I crazy for liking it?" 😭 maybe i'm truly a twst apologist first and foremost, Azul apologist second kekw but yeah personally I find it cute, and I really can't wait to see how the other dorm leaders (read: Azul) look like~

#not putting this on main #i might delete later ik i'm writing this with some ppl in mind and they might read this #idk i wanna make this lighthearted but i feel like i'm nearing my last straw with some people ;n; #how many times am i gonna see certain twst fans see smth recently released and find a way to criticize it just bc they dislike it like..... #god i want to say stfu but also i don't want ppl to walk on eggshells around me or in places they found comfort in #maybe i'm just lacking the sleep needed to stay patient lol i just wanna passively enjoy stuff without feeling like maybe im the clown #for not seeing too much what's wrong with it

[pepprs]

not to be a pain-crazed wild animal. i KNOW i do this every time. but p*riods are so fucking crazy. like my cr*mps are so bad my body is trying to strangle itself but im awake and i need to be at work in 2 hrs and get thru an entire 9 hr workday as if im not in excruciating pain and im gonna bring my heating pad and my p*in r*lief cr*am if you catch my drift (💀) and i’ll need to use them DURING a busy day in which i will not see any other ppl who get periods in person and using them is gonna be a whole awkward thing. like omg. this is not fucking normal lol

#purrs #it is normal obviously. but it’s SO fucking frustrating like omfg the amount of time i lose every single month to being in pain like this #FOR NO REASON and like half the global population has to deal w that and it’s like it’s nothing. idk. despair and suffering and misery #delete later #menstruation tw #the thing that really gets me abt it is how my mom (ik i said i would stop complaining abt her on here but we have been fighting all month #LOL so im giving myself permission) gets so fucking pissed at me and my sister when we’re in too much pain to do chores bc she thinks we’re #being lazy / making excuses and then she compares us to o it brother like.. omg um YOU should know how painful this can be first of all and #second of all why would you even make that comparison when he doesn’t lose a third of his life to his body trying to tear itself apart! lol! #and yes i could work from home or calll out sick but consider: i am mentally illabout not being at work. which * is gonna be on my ass abt w #when they hear me say that bc i know im gonna make a whole awkward big deal abt my heating pad. UGHHHHH embarrassing lmaooooo #like why do people have REGULAR B*DILY F*NCTIONS!!!!! REGULAR!!!!!!! that REGULARLY put them in this amount of pain and we have to just deal #with that like it’s nothing and be discreet about and whatever. ew i sound like um… someone who cares too much abt stuff like this lol but I #im so mad abt it rn like oh my GOD can the pain just not be part of it can we just evolve to get rid of that or put structures in place in a #society for ppl to be more accepting / supporting / whatever of it. please please please please please #(also goes for more than just p*riods btw. like imagine if as a society we had things in place for ppl who are regularly in #chronic ​pain of any kind 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 what a world that would be 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 wow i sure hope it happens in my lifetime 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍)

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #whats literally so funny was that as soon as i saw him walk in the room last year i knew he was gonna be trouble for me #however i never knew itd be this kind n this deep JDJDNDJJDNDJDNDNDN #we are like........ way closer than i ever anticipated. im terrified that we wont have anything to talk about once school ends #i wanna say so much to him but i... theres so much school stress i just.... i dont wanna add anything extra on top for myself or for him... #hhhhhh god lmao. this time last year i hadnt even spoken to him n now im like..... in this Thing that is maybe mutual but maybe isnt #god....... this shit is so hard NFJFJJFJFJFJF #i only see him like 3 more times in the near future...... #then i gotta wait a bit.... but i dont want to 😭😭😭 #i wanna see him every week.... at least... but its probably gonna be on a month basis even IF THAT.... #god what if it all fizzles out............ #hhhhhhhhhh #im gonna try to keep it going. im just..... idk. im scared #i hope he tries to keep it going too..... #its just hard.... when its 2 ppl that like.... only talk when they need to...... try to keep in touch JFJDJDJDJDKKDKDKDK #the most we go now is a full day without talking...... like either i'll message or he will #usually its me.... but... im more talkative i guess ... IDK #all ik is that i Know hes not talking to anyone else at school LMAO #one of my friends was like.... ya dont bother putting him in a group chat .. he never answere #while im over here like.... LOL he messages me back always within minutes/seconds #and if hes offline... as soon as hes back online. #JXJXKKXKXKXKZ GOD. #n e way. see him today............ looking forward to it but also nervous 😳 #i'll be fine once i see him tho... its just the Anticipation #feel really comfortable around him LOL. never thought id say that #anyway

[todayisafridaynight]

cant believe masumi and sawashiro tried to end generational trauma and one of them got his body dumped in the river and the other was hauled off to jail for murder cause he wanted to make his baby happy

#snap chats #this post sounds insane but let me explain #masumi had a shitty mom sawashiro had a shitty dad #Boom Theres A Baby and its a baby with serious health conditions #bros are doing THE MOST not to be like their shitty parent now my god look what happened #sawashiro i cant confidently say Good Job King cause you did put that baby in a locker and caused this mess #you get an A for effort i guess idk your son called you a lost puppy and thats hilarious #masumi was king tho. bro did anything and everything king you didnt deserve to be ol yellered 😭 #masumi and jo being masatos parents But Not Like That has been tickling my brain for days can we tell #its just so funny like. did yall ever talk bout it or was it just a silent acknowledgement #or was masumi just 'oh hes so loyal to the family thats sweet :)' and think nothing else cause i mean Youre Right but my god thats funny #i already made and posted my comic bout it ik but still funny that jo decided killin masumi was too far #blah blah blah cant take out a patriarch but what bout your babys dad blah blah blah lmao #alright im done being insane bye