#idk what other tags… | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wordsinhaled · 9 months

Text

thinking about how much crowley and aziraphale have been getting slammed for their poor communication and on the one hand... absolutely, i agree 100%. they have so much work to do in that department, they are always missing each other when it comes to seeing what they each want from the other and expressing it clearly. but on the other hand... like... encompassing six thousand years into a conversation? six thousand years of knowing each other. six thousand years of gravitating toward one another

like... the bit that really gets me, in crowley's confession, is - "...and we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't. i mean, the last few years, not really" - this implication that like... at least on crowley's part... since they saved the world together he's allowed himself to be more open in how he feels about aziraphale. that in his mind he's already long since chosen Their Side, they've chosen their side in their behavior towards each other, and they've talked about... our car, our shop, but even before that...

we see in the minisodes, the way they already act. they're a pair that shows rather than tells all the time and it's so abundantly clear that everyone around them can see it, is constantly asking about it, assuming it, reading it on them like they're an open book - with everyone but each other.

but like how do you put into clumsy human words how much love you feel for someone who stood next to you while you created the stars? who helped you create them? how do you say openly how you feel to the one person who understands you and your nature better than anyone else, who indulges your every whim because they want to see you happy while everyone else says you were built wrong, you're too indulgent, you're too soft but you're perfect for him, specifically, because you stood at the beginning of the universe together?

like how are they supposed to talk about that? especially when it's so forbidden to talk about that?

there are so few words that truly feel like they properly encompass what love truly and genuinely means? what loving someone TRULY means? how it's giving up your onliness and entrusting yourself into the hands of another, now you're not just you, now you're you but the world is brighter and sharper and more beautiful because of another? how we're all stuck on a spinning rock in the middle of space in the middle of the universe in the middle of the galaxy in the middle of eternity just little grains of sand and then there's another little grain of sand in the scheme of things, but it's the most important one ever created because of how happy it makes you?

but multiply that by six thousand years

so like of course you fucking cry and you stare at each other with tears in your eyes like you're absolutely ESSENTIAL to one another. but like how do you make it work in words when you don't know if there are even words for the prospect of existing without one another? and you have this absolutely incandescent and fragile thing between you that everyone understands to exist, you understand it to exist too, and sometimes it is scary as fuck to admit that you need someone. it is terrifying and uncomfortable and vulnerable and we're just people who live maybe 100 years on this earth? a blink of an eye compared to six thousand years of shared existence?

like...? truthfully i don't think i could talk about it easily either because oh my god that's fucking terrifying. that six thousand years of your comfortable and beloved shared existence could go up in smoke with one misplaced word. like no fucking WONDER he can't get the words out. and no fucking wonder, it's easier to couch things in terms like group and team and everything when you're on the verge of falling apart into a million pieces because the other half of your soul wants to leave you behind. it's easier to say come with me, work with me, be my second in command, than to admit he's first in your heart and mind every second of every day since you saw him bringing light at the beginning of the universe???

just... you know? they need a fucking break. they need a vacation. they need a cottage in the south fucking downs

#aughghg hgh g hghg g ghg i am in pain #good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens 2 spoilers #go2 spoilers #spoilers #WHAT OTHER TAGS IDK i don't wanna spoil people ily <3 #good omens 2

3K notes · View notes

restlesswritingss · 4 months

Text

In which Astarion is jealous

Astarion knew he had no right to be jealous. You two were not exclusive. He was the one who had said you would belong to each other for the night during your little forest rendezvous. During the day you two had no claims to one another. That had suited him perfectly as he flirted with your other companions in an effort to earn their loyalty the only way he knew how. He hadn't gotten as far with any of them as he had with you, but it never hurt to try.

But now his non-committal words were being thrown back in his face as he watched you flirt your way through both your companions and the people you encountered on your journey. You weren't as shameless as he was, but still there was the twirl of your hair, the leaning in closer than necessary, and the god awful way you indulged Gale's 'jokes' gracing his undeserving ass with your flitty laugh. Astarion felt secure in his position as your favorite bedroll companion so there was no logical reason he seethed at the idea that he wasn't the only one.

Take now for example, he should have been continuing his efforts to wrap Shadowheart around his finger. She was the one he was closest to getting in his bed and on his side, besides you of course. But as she spoke to him in attempt to banter, his focus was solely on you and Wyll walking in front of him.

You were laughing, surely at something besides Wyll's dumb jokes, shoving him playfully. The warlock then grabbed your hand to pull you with him as you both slightly stumbled off the path.

Astarion wasn't the only one not enjoying this display of comradery between you and tHe BlaDE of FRontIErs. Gale had come up to you in his normally 'jolly' manner offering his hand to help you back onto the road. You'd blushed and taken it gratefully, Wyll rolling his eyes behind you.

Gods this was annoying. Even the girls had been vying for your affections. Astarion was just lucky most of the group went both ways so his own flirtations weren't thrown to the side. Shadowheart, who had previously been leaning into Astarion's side in a not at all subtle way to press her chest to his arm, was now eyeing you as you bent over to dust yourself off.

Laezel and Karlach's conversation even halted at the sight of your bent over posterior. That sent Astarion over the edge. He was the one who'd made you scream his name just last night. Regretfully it had once again been in a clearing away from camp and prying ears. That would have to be rectified tonight in your tent.

You stood up finally and realized everyone's attention was on you.

You blushed sweetly, embarrassed, and said, "Sorry."

Your nervous giggle hit a pang in Astarion's hollow chest. His affections for you were rising by the moment, but he pushed that down. In the back of his mind, a part of him knew this jealousy was about more than just securing his protection from you, but he pushed that down as well. He'd always been good at ignoring his feelings.

Astarion pulled away from Shadowheart to approach you. He saw you perk up a bit at his obvious preference to you, a nugget of joy he pocketed greedily.

He stroked your cheek lightly with the back of his hand as his gaze bore into yours. You were looking up at him in a way that was so sweet, it took all his strength to not whisk you off the path and have you right then and there.

"Are you alright love?" He asked in a tone that he found himself not forcing out.

You nodded while leaning into his touch ever so slightly.

Gale cleared his throat and it brought Astarion back. He'd gotten lost in your big round eyes and had almost completely forgotten the rest of your companions. His jealousy came rearing back in full force as Gale's disgusting hand squeezed your upper arm and Wyll put a hand at the small of your back. You tensing up at all the attention and touching quenched it however. He immediately stepped back to give you space whilst glaring at the other two to do the same.

Of course they didn't and he again fought against his instincts to not bite their heads off. You shrugged off their hands and worry and stepped to the side to continue on the path. This time however, you stuck to Astarion's side, exactly where you belonged.

That night at camp, Astarion's gaze never left you. He told himself he was analyzing a target but really he was just watching how your interactions with everyone had shifted slightly. You were holding yourself back. There was no innuendos, no giggling, no batting of your long pretty eyelashes. Just genuine friendship and platonic care for your companions.

This warmed Astarion more than the fire. Were you finally seeing that he was the only one you needed warming your bed at night? Your late night trysts had gotten more and more frequent as Astarion found himself actually enjoying sex for the first time since gods knows when. Also the more time he spent in your bed meant the less time the others had. Unless you were a sex fiend who could go all night and had a rotation after he left. That was always a possibility. A possibility that ate away at him.

Astarion's internal worries were soothed once again by your presence. You brought your food bowl over as you sat directly next to him by the fire. He pretended to be actually reading the book in his lap, not wanting to give away how distracting just you being near him was. The rest of your group stared as you picked sitting with him over them and Astarion wanted to give them all a smirk but again he refrained from showing how much this all meant to him.

You ate in silence, staring at the fire with the occasional glance in his direction. Eventually, he bumped his knee against yours. You smiled sweetly and scooted closer so your thighs were flushed against each other.

"How is our darling leader doing?" He asked, surprising himself with his genuine curiosity on your wellbeing.

You then leaned your head on his shoulder, he shifted so it would be more comfortable for you setting off alarm bells in his own head. He wasn't supposed to care about your comfort, just your loyalty.

You sighed contently, "Better now that they are with their favorite group member."

He was thankful for the first time ever that his heart didn't beat because if it did, it would surely have been audibly racing at your words.

You chuckled at his stunned silence, "I'm sure that is a surprise to no one, but please don't rub it in to the others too much."

He scoffed at that, "Well I'm not about to give them another reason to want to shove a stake through my chest."

You laughed, a true squawk that he just adored.

Shaking your head and sitting up, depriving Astarion of your warmth, you bumped your shoulder against his lightly.

"I would never let them."

This was what the whole plan had been for. Your protection was secured, he should have felt triumphant at his success. All he felt though was guilt. You were so genuine with your affections. He knew this was hard for you. You had been slowly opening up to him, a fact that at the beginning of your 'relationship' made him feel successful in his plan but now just made him feel . . . good.

He once again stroked your cheek with the back of his hand and you leaned into his touch overtly, kissing the back of knuckles.

Your eyes widened at the realization of what you just did set it. As you went to pull away, he turned his hand to cup the back of your neck and keep you in place. You met his eyes and relaxed at the soft smile on his face.

"I know, I revel in your blatant favoritism," he began meaning to keep things light and teasing but couldn't help adding, "I try very hard to give you better orgasms than the rest of our group of horny weirdos."

He was fishing for confirmation of his fears. You frowned and pulled away from him.

"Do you think I'm sleeping with other people?" There was hurt in your voice and he couldn't place why.

He sputtered, thrown by your reaction, "We haven't made any promises, I don't expect you to tame your desires for me."

"Are you sleeping with other people?" You attempted to steel your voice, but he saw through the flimsy mask to the hurt in your voice.

Astarion found himself torn between his feelings and his instincts. His feelings told him to assure you you were the only one for him, but his instincts forced him to leave it out in the open. You didn't need to know that he only really wanted to sleep with you, and hadn't been able to get in anyone else's pants not for lack of trying. In the end, he decided to play coy.

He twirled your hair and shrugged, "Well our companions don't seem to have a thing for vampires, so I hadn't really been successful in my quest to find someone to fulfill my more sinful desires with until you. But don't let my lack of success stop you from indulging in their embraces, I will find ways to fill my nights without you. Our dear Shadowheart seems to be warming up to me. I'm sure she'll indulge me soon enough."

Oh gods he'd rambled too much. You frowned and looked down with tears pricking your eyes.

"I see, I haven't found interest in any of our other members but I understand if you have. I know we made no promises to each other," You took a deep shaky breath and looked as if you were going to continue but thought better of it.

Astarion wanted you to continue.

Astarion found himself slipping the mask fully back on, realizing for the first time that it had been off, and smirking, "Well I'm sure you'll have much better success than I. It seems to have escaped no one here how delicious you are so I have no doubt you can have your pick of the lot. Do tell me all the salacious details though, it's only fair."

You pushed further away from him and his hand that was still playing with the ends of your hair hung in the air. He found the comfort it was bringing him yanked away.

You frown at him, but then your own masks slips on. Astarion hates your mask, it hid his favorite parts about you.

You smile but it doesn't reach your eyes, "I promise to come to you the moment I have anything to share, I hope you indulge me the same as well."

With that you stand and retire to your tent, which bothers Astarion more than it should. He waits in the same spot hoping for your reemergence for a pathetic amount of time.

Finally, once everyone has gone to bed besides Karlach who has been assigned first watch, Astarion allows his feet to carry him to the one place he truly wants to be - with you.

He knows he should knock, but he is still learning to respect boundaries and he wants to see what you are doing. He'd kept watchful eyes on your tent and knows you are alone thank the gods. His glaring may have been the main deterrent of any potential suitors, but he wouldn't think about that.

You were sitting on your bedroll reading, something you normally did next to him by the firelight. When you looked up at him, your face was red and puffy from crying. His heart sank at that, it couldn't have been because of your conversation could it? He hadn't said everything the exact way he wanted to, but you'd both walked away with your freedom in tact.

"What's wrong little love?" His voice was softer than he wanted, he was always softer than he wanted to be with you. But he never beat himself up for it too much because you deserved softness.

There was turmoil in your eyes, an obvious debate on how honest to be with him going on in your mind.

"Please tell me," He begged, forgoing his mask altogether in the hope it would make you drop yours.

It worked just as intended.

"I didn't realize we weren't exclusive, or that I was your last choice for a nighttime companion," your voice was hoarse and small.

He hated that your voice was hoarse and small.

He knelt in front of you and you tucked your knees to your chest. His hands reached out to rub what he could reach of your calves as he pressed close to you.

Astarion tried to think carefully how to put what he wanted to say but you spoke first.

"I knew you were flirting with the others, but I guess I thought I was special to you-"

"You are," He surprised both of you with how assuredly he spoke the omission.

That thoroughly shut you up, an adorable blush dusting across you cheeks. Astarion meant to smirk but it again was too soft.

But then indignation filled him, "You were flirting with them as well! I saw the way you cozied up to Wyll and Gale, neither of which are funny and I would appreciate you not leading them to believe they are."

You huffed now and pouted, something he again found just adorable. His annoyance at your hypocrisy dissolved at the knowledge that you said you only wanted him.

"I only flirted with them because you couldn't keep your hands off Shadowheart," You mumbled.

Astarion laughed at that, at the idea that he would prefer any of your companions to you and that the idea had made you jealous. You just huffed again at his laughter.

"Well, well, well, sounds like someone was jealous, want me all to yourself then?" He teased but panic set in as he realized the implications of his questions. He wanted you all to himself desperately but that was impossible. He could never deserve someone just for himself, let alone someone as wonderful and desired as you.

"Yes," the word was disgustingly earnest.

Your gaze went to the floor, unable to look at his reaction. Of course Astarion wouldn't want that.

But Astarion gently gripped your chin and tilted your head to look at him. Instead of the expected suave arrogance, you found only disbelief.

"Really?" He asked, desperate for the answer to be yes again.

Your answer was in your eyes and it terrified him. What about when you tired of him? Realized the useless thing that he was and tossed him aside? But didn't he deserve something good after all the hell he had endured?

And you were good.

He kissed you and felt your answer on his lips, in the way you gripped his collar desperately, in your legs wrapping around his waist in an iron grip to keep him as if he'd ever want to leave.

Astarion made love for first the time in his undead life with you that night. It was. . . spectacular. He'd slept in your arms, exhausted from the activities in the best way possible. Awaking with you in his arms like he was a regular person who deserved this kind of thing, was a treat he never thought he would experience.

You were endearingly grouchy in the morning, snuggling further into his embrace to avoid the invading ruckus of your group in the morning.

The blanket had been kicked off by you in the night, Astarion not really needing it and you being a restless sleeper. But at least in left every inch of your bare body exposed to him. He watched the rise and fall of your breath and felt the beat of your heart against his own chest.

Astarion felt the weight of his guilt pierce the peaceful morning. He'd just been tricking you, but now things felt real. The affection he felt for you was real, however marred it was by his past. The familiar feelings of disgust for how his body had been used crept in and it felt wrong to associate that with you and the sweetness of last night. What had happened was different, you were different. But his feelings were the same.

Astarion's internal torture was interrupted by Gale opening the flap to your tent. Thank the gods for Astarion's quick reflexes because he was able to snatch the blanket and cover your body from wandering eyes. Gale did get a full view of Astarion's naked form, but the wizard didn't look appreciative of the view he got.

"Have you ever heard of knocking?" Astarion yelled, regretting it the moment you whimpered from underneath him.

You were sitting up clutching the blanket to your chest as you realized someone unwanted was staring at you.

Gods you were slow waking up, Astarion realized he would always have to be the one to ward off any late night dangers because you were useless when you first woke up. The idea of sleeping next to you for the rest of your nights felt like a given.

"Gale!" You shrieked realizing it was the wizard staring at you dumbfounded to see you in such a compromising position. You attempted to cover Astarion with the blanket as well but it wasn't very big. He appreciated the effort.

"My - my apologies I was just coming to wake you for breakfast. I had no idea you had a. . . companion," his tone went bitter at the end as he glared at Astarion.

You ducked to hide further behind Astarion's shoulder, his chest in front of you again to block you from fucking Gale.

"Get out!" Astarion yelled, his patience running out at your obvious discomfort.

Gale was quick to obey and scrambled out, hastily closing the tent behind him.

You wrapped an arm around Astarion's chest and snuggled your face into his back. Astarion stiffened as he realized you were snuggling into his scarred back but it wasn't something you hadn't already seen. You'd seen so many parts of him and yet you still wanted him to yourself. He'd never understand it. Kisses peppered his back and everything in his mind dulled as he focused on the feeling of your lips trailing up to the nape of his neck. It wasn't enticing, no insinuation of a morning round two to be found, just affectionate.

"Do we have to get up and see them?" you mumbled into his back.

He laughed, genuinely, "Well at least now they all know that you are well and truly taken."

You giggled, "As if it wasn't obvious I was yours already."

He sighed, happy for a moment. Your hand began rubbing his chest gently. There was still the looming issue of his manipulation and his newfound feelings for you, as well as his issues with intimacy, but for the moment you were holding him and it all felt ok. And you were his.

#Astarion x tav #astarion x reader #idk what other tags to do for baldur's gate oh whale #pls comment it keeps me alive

1K notes · View notes