#idk what thats supposed to say abt me

[girlmetalsonic]

something that is like the baseline of amys entire character to me is that shes lonely. shes clingy and physically affectionate in a way none of her friends really are, shes always getting pushed aside and left behind. yeah, she helps out people she doesnt know because shes a nice person, but also, she sees part of herself in them. she wont leave someone else behind because she knows the feeling —and more importantly, hates the feeling. if she doesnt have somebody to stand by her and be there for her, then shes going to be that person for everybody else. something something her obsession with sonic is really just like a manifestation of that desire for closeness with someone, and she thinks that romance is the only way to get that. idk... this hedgehog can have so many abandonment issues.

#me posts #amy rose #sth #sonic the hedgehog #and this is not to say at all that romance is the only way to have 'real' love or anything #just that yknow part of her breaking free of that would also be realizing that she just wants closeness with someone and it doesnt- #-have to be romantic #aroace amy could fit this i suppose and she just doesnt know it yknow. thats not my hc but i support their beliefs if that makes sense #she wants to be loved and she wants to love and she doesnt really get a big outlet for that so she shares it with everyone she sees #also i didnt wanna jam up the post but GAMMA!! this is partially abt gamma she helps him find out how to love and how to find joy in it- #-bc its what she wants for herself. she sees him and sees how completely alone he is and she wants to help him. idk idk something something #-when she was locked in the cell she saw part of herself staring back at her #gamma parallels to amy is SLEPT ON i stg i could make a whole other post about it #idk.. whenever im writing amy or just thinking abt how shed interact with others its always from the lens that she craves closeness with- #-others. she wants people to just stay for once. #does this make any sense. idk man im rambling here #my worst nightmare is characterizing her wrong its such a fine line and sometimes the words do not come out of my brain right #btw this is NOT me dissing amy i love amy. she is like top three favorite character. #important context: im typing this with amy firefox theme rn ok. ok im an amy fan. #she points at the minimize button like shes telling me to log off #jesus christ i just scrolled back up i love to put a whole other post in the notes dont i

[silenthillbunni]

🌧️🫧💭

#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me #which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye #🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad #nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone #i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me #ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao #also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀 #like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid #why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way #me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me #i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me #it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave #nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop #whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive #ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like #all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think #i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself #but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T #idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do #anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul #but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao #i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down #they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how #to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year #i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak #es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that #maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished #and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing #or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol #inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!! #which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont #wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol #but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball #and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose #its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh #or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die #im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it #ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier #but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic #environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species #like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene #transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling. #i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt #teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff #what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready #my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol #unrelated

[brilliant-soul]

.

#i need to take a break from dating #but its the only thing ppl wanna talk abt #or maybe its the only thing i feel like sharing #but regardless #thats what the gurlies go at work #but idk everytime someone says to just focus on myself it makes me so upset #what else am i supposed to be doing? #i go out and do things i have my own place and a job and hobbies and a business and im learning a language #theres nothing else i can do #ive done so much work to be the type of person i want to be and ig thats just the most unattractive version of myself #theres just smth so sad abt it #im so honest abt what i want #i dont think its insane for just one person to take me on a real date where i can dress up and we go out for dinner or a movie or both #idk its just wearing me down that so far not a single person has wanted to be seen in public with me #idk what it is abt me that is so horrible to be around #im pretty i dress well i smell good im kind im affectionate #delete later #just feeling so depressed abt it #hot girl summer is over and i missed all of it #maybe ill get a date for halloween #but then would they even be taking me out of cancelling last minute like everyone else

[klonoadoortophantomile]

started mother 3 . real good so far but the battles r kinda driving me crazy w the rhythm game thing

#IM STUPID !!!!!! I CANT DO THSI SHIT #i dont really play rhythm games the only other thing ive played is the fucking. rhythm heaven tutorial level at my friends house #multiple times. ive never beaten it. IM SO BAD ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY #i dont even get what ur supposed to be timed to or whatever in battles tho like #i keep putting enemies to sleep and trying to do it to the heartbeat thing but it doesnt ?? do anythint ??? #the stupid thing that tells u abt the rhythm battles in game says you can get by without doing it but i kinda doubt that #like…. thats half the whole battle gimmick youd imagine the game is balanced around it being utilized #also im judt absolutely getting my ass kicked rn i never got any game overs until i got to the castle #i forgot how to spell the name sorry #uh anyways i died like 7 times . sigh #still havent gotten thru all of it but whatever ill figure it out eventually #i needed to take a break anyways #its kinda bumming me out how much trouble im having w this but ive only played for like 3 hours its a whole game ill probably get better #as the game continues ??? idk #inqusitivewaltz.txt #characters and whatnot r very fun so far but again im only 3 hrs in so not much has happened i didnt already know abt XD

[nomaishuttle]

i do fr need to work on differentiating between "actually middleclass" and "doesnt live paycheck to paycheck" lmao bc that is something i struggle with... obviously ik i have more in common with like. even somebody whos fr middleclass disney vacations every year. I know i have more in common with them than i do with bezos but god at least i dont have to see bezos being annoying in front of me every day KJANDJKLNLJD

#bc its like this. i obviously have way more contempt for a billionaire. obviously. but ive never met an actual billionaire yfm. and i Have #met middleclass ppl and A lot not all but a lot. are so insufferable and ikkkk not all of them or whatever but like. i constantly got shit #for being poor from middle class kids and like. ik im supposed to be class solidarity with them bc were all poor when compared to a #billionaire but goddd fucking damn they make it difficult . ik its like well the upperclass Wants the lowerclass and middleclass to be at #eachothers throats bc it means they dont pay attention to the upperclass walking over the both of them. i knowwww. but i can multitask #major in hating rich people minor in hating the middleclass... #THIS ISNT RLY RELATEDFTO THE LAST POST AT ALL i just have a lot of like. complicated feelings abt classism basicallyy. #like. i wouldnt wish poverty on anybody it fucking sucks. but as a kid i did sometimes fantasize abt swapping lives with my classmates who #had more money than me Not even bc i wanted to live their life but just so they would like. see the apartments i lived in and see the room #i shared with both of my siblings (weeman didnt exist yet lmao) and just like. look in the fridge. bc i just rly wanted ppl to get it lol.. #there was this one assignment that was like. wants vs needs and ppl kept putting needs as like. A big backyard. vacation once a year. my ow #personal bedroom etc and ik they were kids but it was like. insanely frustrating to have these kids who had like. never had to live without #Wants. yk. bc then i would just write down like. food. shelter. water. thats it lmao i even had clothes as a want instead of a need. and #they were making fun of me bc my list was so short and its like . look man i have gone without these three things on multiple occasions. yk #and now i try to be like. its good that there are ppl who have never experienced that i dont want ppl to have to experience that especially #like. that was in 4th grade lol. i was 9. i shouldnt have been worrying abt bills and stuff and none of my classmates knew anything abt tha #and thats a Good thing they shouldnt have. but theres this selfish part of me that wishes they did KANDJNS bc its so insanely isolating to #have ppl like. interrogating you abt why your shoes are so worndown or why your winter jacket is too small yk. and you cant say 'my family #cant afford better/new ones' bc they dont even understand what money is. yk. IDK. im just very sensitive abt these kinds of things KANDNW.. #perhaps a bit too oversensitive at times but yk. im working on it and im working on not being spiteful abt it bc like. yes it was isolating #but it was a good thing that the kids didnt relate to it yk. kids shouldnt relate to that and i shouldnt have felt that way bc no kid shoul #im also Ik i bring it up constantly but im still so mad abt that time my friends heard me say Yeah i have to go to court against my dad nex #wednesday . and they didnt say anything and then one of them went Ughhh my dad wont buy me the newest iphone hes buying me the newest #samsung instead But i have an iphone app that i spent 50 dollars on that wont transfer !!!!!! and then she endedup getting the iphone #anyways. sry ikk its grudge and i need to let it go but im still peeved... brinn there are people that are dying . #and also now i know that like. a lot of the other kids in my class Did understand and were just like. posturing. yk. a few of those kids #were from the same neighborhood as me lmao i was just too autistic to realize we werent supposed to be honest 💀 but yes. sry for this like #manifesto i am just thinking out loud..... well not bc this is text famously a written form of communication but we all understand. anyways

[crescentfool]

yukari poking fun at ryoji for all of his dumb shit that she captured w/her camera roll? yes!

(loosely inspired by these two hc posts from @/mayormimii, check them out!)

#persona 3 #ryoji mochizuki #yukari takeba #lizzy does art #SO I was originally going to attach this to the ask i just answered but then i realized itd make the post rlly long LOL #and i think for archival reasons itd probs be best to keep it separate ?? lmao idk im overthinking #BUT I DO WANT TO SAY that ive been thinking abt drawing these two since i saw the first batch of hcs #i want to draw more interactions but my inability to come up with ideas is abysmal #so i have decided that as a compromise i will gradually draw concepts/fics from ppl that have stuck in my head for a bit #and also drawing interactions are good for getting efficient LOL. i say that but this was supposed to be b/w. as you can see. its not #this is loosely based/inspired by mayormimii's hc post specifically the designated photo album for ryojis dumb shit #alternatively they could be watching cryptid videos or something together. #i would've drawn what was on the screen but i got LAZY lmao but mayb another day i can draw that #i regret trying to add any sort of dialogue LMAO next time i draw interactions i am just Going to Use Song Lyrics or Fics LMAOO #whenever i get a chance to read fic again i might just go (eyes emoji) to see who royji gets to interact with bc MAN HE DESERVES FRENS... #and i think yukari would b a very good fren to have i am just saying!!! anyway bye these tags are so excessive bc IM me and thats fine

[trainingdummyrabbit]

see the thing that i like so much about ruina so far is that it doesnt feel like its telling you to do something. like, specifically, it presents characters in situations, and reveals how they handle it. and afterwards... its just over. theyve simply done what they had to. theres never really any "ah, they were Flawed because they did This, so instead of doing That you should take This lesson from it." characters just... Are, and Do. theres no heavy urge to chamge the way you think, for lack of a better description. rather, it places down concepts and leaves it there, giving space for Thought rather than Explanation.

even with cut ins of angela and roland doing their own commentary-- it's never really presented as a You Should Take This Concept From This, but rather as... them Also figuring it out. because Everyone in the cast is just... odd, messy, flawed-- human. you can take away the same thing they do, or not. because everyone just does what they think is right, and deal with the consequences of it. it doesnt matter. things just move on. theres something refreshing about it.

#piktalk #verrry tagramble but um #like um. grain of salt because i havent Finished and havent had time to gather actual thoughts abt it so i may just be wrong-- #but again. ruina with the steel chair. #not 2 get personal again but that has just kind of been on my mind a lot recently-- #how often it is that other opinions simply... rub off on you. how theres just what youre Supposed to do or think. #that theres just one True way of thinking that everyone should strive for. when thats just... not how that really goes. #that theres a Right way to think and a Wrong one. when really its just kinda... choices. made to the best of ones ability in the moment. #it doesnt Have to be Good or Right. life goes on anyway. and somehow that can be just as scary as some sort of percieved 'wrong'. #and additionally-- how easy it is to Say you should act or think a certain way-- when truly understanding; believing; following it-- #--is an entirely different story. its easy to tell yourself to just not worry; to have patience and kindness; to just keep your head high. #but actually enacting it takes effort. and not just that; but that those dour emotions that come with that inability-- #--are just as important to acknowledge and give their space. #idk. i could be bullshitting. ig what it comes down to is #its nice to watch characters just... Make Decisions and Deal With Them. and thats it. no grand sweeping statements of Certainty. it just Is #ruina is very much one of those series i feel unqualified to speak for; as if others just Get It more than me; but... i speak anyhow !

[sparklecare-good-au]

HELP YOU MADE US GET A SATURN FICTIVE 😭😭😭

ok good for you i guess??

#idk what you expect me to say here...like...thats my fursona that i based off myself so like...eugh...i dont want to be rude or anything #but im really uncomfortable with...this?? i guess #its in the faq that im really uncomfortable talking abt this because saturn is literally supposed to be me. #im not trying to be mean or make you feel bad anon; because i doubt you knew abt it #all of this im saying rn is more for future reference

[chompe-diem]

You seem similarly insane about Brian Murphy as I am and I love you I pay for a dropout subscription 70% because he's on it sometimes he makes my brain go crazy I'm not parasocial about this (but I am so close)

hiiiiiii hiiiii hello yes i'm super duper normal about brian murph murphy (lying hard!!) ur so valid anon, there's a lot of Great content on dropout but how much of it do i use to just rewatch the murph adventuring academy and the first 10 min of "it happened" adv party where they talk about murph murphing all over the dice? honest answer is: Too Much.

😔 it's embarrassing how long i've been stanning white boys but in my defence, uuhhhhhhhhh. look i just love someone who is just A Guy and then also knows a lot about stuff and also likes doing a lot of work. exactly my type. it's probably the gender envy idk

anyways yes i think murph is v cool and neat and i try to be a Normal Amount of Parasocial abt him but also he's just neat i think !!!!! he's an awesome dm and when he talks about dm-ing and d&d stuff i think he can say some pretty helpful things, even when the gang's bein silly! and he writes cool campaigns and plots and encounters and makes characters that aren't afraid to be sillysad or cringefail pathetic etc. and yes i like it when he's knowledgeable about mechanics and stuffffffff so anyways the conclusion is bRING MURPH BACK ONTO ADVENTURING ACADEMY- *gunshot*

no but pls just let him talk about stuff i just wanna hear him talk abt stuff just let him back on adventuring academy so i can have an hour of him (and brennan ig) talkin about his d&d dm stuff pls

#am i supposed to have an ask tag #brian murphy #<- that may have been a mistake but i'm lookin for the murph stans soooo yeah #anon idk if we're mutuals already but i hope we are ! :D #i just think it's neat when murph talks abt his d/&d stuff!!!! #if i was a white guy i'd wanna be murph #<- ok thats pretty jokey but like. genuinely #there's a lot of myself that i relate 2 him in what he's talked abt on nadd/pod n stuff [/parasocial] #as well as there being a lot abt him that i like. aspire to be ig. that sounds a little cringey silly but yknow?? idk #also my chances of being normal about him were fucking Gone once i heard him say uhhh #“nothing comes to me without insane effort” [from a hbs short rest btw] #bc yeah i relate so hard. it's just nice to have a guy out there doin it well who said 'i have to try rlly hard to do things' bc me too man #but ya. i cld talk abt this white man extensively (😔) but i try 2 reign it in somewhat #bc if i Must be horrifically parasocial i will try to do it not in public #ah yes the other thing i have in common with murph is that cardinal sense of shame 😌 #mine is lessened bc i've been on tumblr so long but believe me it's definitely There lol

[silenthillbunni]

being in pain is so isolating nd alienating lol >.<

#bc the thing is nobody cares abt your pain. like that's simply human psychology #so even if that's how the human mind is built nd it's understandable. it still sucks to receive so little sympathy nd understanding #like i mean ppl get sick nd tired of u when u talk abt the pain nd just want u to stop complaining nd be positive #nd they're rlly unsympathetic nd just want u to shut up nd do the things you're supposed to do without whining #so yes idk having to shut up abt it makes me feel like im stuck all alone inside this miserable bubble #either way im getting better nd better at not talking abt it!!!!! even on here i dont say like 80% of what i wanna vent abt sksksks #ppl always treat me as if im exaggarating or just anxious nd worried nd that i need to relax nd that everythings fine #so i've gotten way better at keeping it inside nd not bothering anyone w it!!! thats good #i mean it hurts nd makes me feel isolated buuut it's better than being a burden nd a bother nd making ppl roll their eyes nd sigh at me #but it's also so hard for me to seek medical attention for anything bc i feel like im just being dramatic nd annoying #idk... anyway so many things i wanna complain abt rn pain wise but im doing so good at shutting up abt them i need a gold star ⭐️ #hand in hand w this im getting better at just shutting up nd doing what ppl want me to do nd think im supposed to do even if im in pain

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#there should be a word for when youre talking around the tightness of tears #speaking against something that hurts #laughing specifically to undermine the seriousness of the statements youre voicing #the worst of both worlds. help me help me hahaha im not even joking hahaha but listen to the lies in my tone. dont focus on the words. #i want plausible deniability. but also i want u to understand my pain and give it a voice. speak it into existence because i cant say it #but if u do i might cry. that sounds hard that sounds like a lot. i kno i know. shut up. keep talking. do u think i dont feel it? i do #but if i split myself in two i can watch myself and suddenly it becomes funny. im not sure why. but i have a bad habbit of laughting at #inappropriate moments. because if its not funny then its just sad and what am i supposed to do with that? #i dunno. thats all to say my dad called bc i was looking at housing stuff and i was explaining some of the stuff im doing rn #and thats hard to talk abt without crying bc ive always been a cry bby but i didnt. and i love my parents theyre great #but they dont understand bc i havent told them all of it bc theres nothing they can do so y make them worry. and idk i also think they #think im less competent than i am. and part of that is just bc im their kid. part of that is bc there r things thst most ppl can do but i #struggle with. but its also not fun to hear: oh yeah i was surprised by how professional u sounded. or i think ur mom found u those #connections. when no. i did that. i made those things happen. i promise i can do things sometimes. but sometimes i cant. i dunno its just #it is what it is. whatever. decisions to b made. do i room with roommates for lower rent #or do i take an expensive place for a year for a single room? i dont want roommates but ill take them #i mean all the single places r like 950 at the very lowest without any utilities or anything but most r well over 1000 and like on a grad #student salary? i think not. not without losing money on net. i can deal with roommates. i have in the past. i wont b able to relax ever #but its fine. ya kno #just annoying. hah my dads sage advice was ah dont let it overwhelm u. go exercise. bc hes an endurance runner guy #and im like bro when i get home i have 1.5 hrs of daylight. but alas hes right. i do gotta run out my angers and its not enough #ugh. one more week. itll work out. and eventually ill walk into a counselors office like bro i just want u to tell me whether or not i have #0cd bc whatever the fuck it is that makes me do these things is absolutely destroying me. name the beast 0cd or 0cpd. tell me what box #i fit into. not that it matters but i feel like i cant complain until someone else rubber stamps me. actually then ill probably just obsess #abt how. actually. theyre wrong. ay fun times #i gotta shake shake shake my sillies out. and wiggle my waggles away. bc i never could let my kids songs go haha #unrelated

[n0ct0urn1quet]

@raiden-metal-gear-rising sorry this is a gaypos for u but it mite be more of just a rant because i am fuming (not rly i am just frustrated bc . u know why <3)

#im sur u read my previous posts abt uhhh my mom goign to visit my brother bc shes on vacation rn right . shes off til next sunday i think #but uh. yeah thats not happening bc guess what!! she cant afford it!!! because wow who wuldve thought that having to pay twice as much #money for bills + groceries would make u poorer than u already are!!!!! we are struggling!!!!!!! #and what has robynne done? nothing but PARTIALLY pay for grocieries. emphasis on *partially* #idk man its just insane. even if mom wasnt rly thinking about coming to see u we still cant bc we cannot afford it at all....... #i even said if i need to get a job i will and then added 'bceause im more willing to get one than she is' n she just looked at me #and idk man its just frustrraing . pls moeve out of ur place soon so i can leave and move in with u KAJSKLBKKLJG #i dont mean to say that to like rush u or anything u can do whatever u awant at Whatever pace u want i donot minde . it is oke #i just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! h #i have a very strong feeling im gonna be moving out before she does............................ #just saying #sorey i kno this is supposed 2 be positive bc is gaypos but . i am not in a good mood i want 2 scream and throw things i think #i just want my house back!!!! im tired!!!!!! im so fucking tired man!!!!!! i m going insane!!!!!!!! #and now i just feel horrible bc rob knows i talk shit about her in vc and i just feel like i cannot talk out loud at all rn bc what if shes #fuckin eavesdropping!!! thats another thing did she just overhear me or like completely listen in on our conversation #bc if she listened in on us then thats fucked and i hope she fucks off #but if she just overheard us then idk man guess ill just have to close my door and keep it closed all the time which is something i donot #want to do !! #i dont like having my door closewd bc 1. it gets humid and 2. kitty does not like it and also 3. i just like having it open #but i feel like i cant have it open anymore bceause what if shes listening to just everything i say now!!!!!! i feel unsafe!!!!!! #get me out of here bestie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #sory im just . H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going insane ill rb this with happier thoughts in a second i just #oh i am so mad . so mad

[hpdgirlfriend]

is it worse to not get any attention or is it worse to get the only kind of response i don't fucking want !!!!!!!

#when ppl respond 'kin' 'me' 'i do that' etc to my infodumping it makes me want to throttle them #i could not fucking care less dude. this is not about you #cant anyone pay attention to me without immediately making it abt themself like i dont care #i play nice and don't interject things about myself even though i want to when i listen to other people. but i cannot have the same #courtesy huh? #especially when they don't say anything else like ok thats all you have to add. thanks so much. what am i supposed to do w that. #can i repeat that i dont care and this is not about you #its better when they do add another actually good response but i still dont like the kin/me/i do this too thing because #my spin is so fucking personal to me and it makes me uncomfortable #to hear that in response to me basically pouring my heart out #pls keep it to urself good god #diary #this is very bitchy of me i think lol idk. does anyone else feel like this

[piplupod]

there is a professional (ish) camera... with good lens... in good condition... free shipping.... but it is just under $900 and im like.... hm. no i dont think i should buy one bc i need to not have too many belongings in case i have to pack a bag and skedaddle instead of properly moving but i,,, have always wanted a nice camera :'''))) and im worried about spending much money bc of the whole "i need money to move and be alive in case i end up homeless" ordeal but dear god.... this camera :')

#dshgjkl genuinely going to cry #i fucking hate my life sfdjfjkl thats such a cheesy thing to say but. goddamn #this shit stinks #maybe i'll say fuck it and buy it and regret it later #'fuck it we ball' energy or whatever. but what if i end up dying because i dont have that $900 djfsfjkl #the issue is that theres only ONE offer on this #so idk if i should even wait to think about it for very long bc it might disappear fsdfjkl #but i guess... maybe its one of those things. like if its gone then it wasnt meant to be i suppose #but perhapth if i get the job (interview on friday!) then maybe... a small treat... #well a BIG treat but sdjfkl #I WISH I HAD THAT MONEY FROM THE SOFTMOUNT CANCELLATION LOL #FUCKIN ANGRY ABT THAT STILL #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #well im embarrassed now so like. erase this from ur memory as soon as u finish putting it in ur brain pls fdsjfkl #this never happened. i never wanted and i never had issues ever actually. im totally fine and normal and safe and have no wants or needs. #(this is a lie. i want things and need things but haha get fukt @ me! those arent allowed)

[nomaishuttle]

okay saur when i get home im gonna try and fill out the insurance form since well im stuck here. once thats through and ive got insurance set up im gonna try and do a proper psych eval bc i reakized ive bever actually had one. and i think itd be very very useful

#ive been on and off in therapy since i was like. before age 7? very on and off though #and i like. i have gad and mdd dxed. i know these #but i think itd be rly helpful for me t have like. a straight up actual real life psych eval so i know what i need to be working on #bc like. mostnof the therapy ive been in is i just go in and dalk abt whatever i want to ralk abt #which isnt helpful 4 me bc i need t be like. guided. bc otherwise i dont rly get into the root of issues #most therapy ive had is just i go in i talk abt the surface level details of something imbuspet abt and the therapist says Okay heres this #worksheet do it when you get home. goodbye ! and then i dont do the worksheet #and ik a lot of that is me not being willing 2 put in the work 4 therapy as well but like. it felt like all my former therapists never #avtually dug into the actual issues. or confronted me with anything #ykwim. idk if that makes sense #idk how ill like. Get to my psych eval thats a problem for future connor. i suppose ill soon be able t save up enough money t get a ride #since ive got Veeeery strict spending rules now. im only allowed t spend likee 240 dollars a konth on fun things and everything else either #goes to rent or debt or savings. this is the rule