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#idk what the culture was like at their old schools but
itsyagurlchip · 1 day
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٠ ˚ ※ ๋࣭  ᯓ⚝ ⋆ .˚✰Down in N'awleans ٠ ˚ ※ ๋࣭  ᯓ⚝ ⋆ .˚✰
✰⋆⁺warnings: alastor(!) ace alastor and reader(!) cussing(!) its hell man idk what to tell u(!) very cultural (!) reader has a strong accent(!) reader is more modern than alastor(!) black reader NOT CAJUN SHE IS NEW ORLEANIAN (!) mentions of gore and blood(!) fem reader(!) angst(!) grieving (!) fluff(!) comfort(!)
✰⋆⁺Im so sad that the only new orleans part of alastor we got to see was a few of his music preferences, and the overused dish jambalaya (as good as it is, its referenced too much when mentioning Louisiana and i sorta hate it-) soooo, as an artist i took matters into my own hands 😈 btw, this is long, so enjoy a piece of my culture!!!
fun fact: did you know that Louisiana has about 400 festivals and events annually? (my favs are strawberry fest, mardi gras, and crawfish fest) btw if anyone is struggling to read it: mardi gras is pronounced madi-grahs. (like ice spice grah 🤪🤪/jj)
✰⋆⁺ Oh what a joy!! Your love Alastor is in hell with you!!! After a whopping 58 years after Alastor's death at 33, with you dying barely at 88 before your birthday, you've finally have found your soulmate!! You're a bit different though, you have a stronger accent, and your tone is..."slangy". Times have changed, but has your love? Of course it does! Alastor couldn't love you more, lovers being apart for too long is straining to one's mental afterall.
"His sister's black, but she is sho'nuff pretty. Her skirt is short, but Lord her legs are sturdy. To walk to school, she's got to get up early. Her clothes are old, but never are they dirty. Living just enough, just enough for the city." You sang, walking along the streets of hell. That song by Stevie Wonder had always brought you comfort...
It gives you a sense of memory, deja vu if you will. Not that you could remember. But you being a young black girl, in the struggles of 1916 brings a comfort to your heart.
...
You closed all eight of your eyes, your afro bouncing as you walked. Walking walking walking. Your dark dress would lift up slightly from the ground, wisping away curiously.
It was pitch black, like your gloves that ran from the tips of your fingers, to the upper part of your arm. If you squint, one could see hints of clear web being shown by light.
People would question why you still wore black even years after your husband's death. Now in hell, you had black skin, and spider appendages on your stomach and hips. How ironic.
You still never answered the question.
Alastor had died at the young age of 33, leaving a 30 year old widow to mourn his passing. That man chiseled his way into your heart and croaked years later. All you could do to keep your emotions in check, was continue your dear husbands work.
The radio station he worked at had begged you to host his morning shows. The town was distraught of his absence. And there's a depression? People were sad, now even more broke, and at the hands of phoney mayors and presidents.
Alastor left a big hole in the role he had as the "Darling of New Orleans". And so did the Bayou Butcher...
What else could you do? Each life you blew off was in honor of your amazing husband. Soon radio was bigger than ever! You'd broadcast the annual 8 killings of casualty due to the new 'Wynoriffic Widow.' This had led on for about 20 years before old age came into play.
You killed 162 people in the name of your love. Never caught, yet never forgotten. You became a big shot, killer and announcer.
While you never had the intrusive thought to do so, you finally understood why Alastor felt a rush of righteousness when he came home after his activities with Mimzy.
Damn Mimzy, the hooch she is. (💀💀)
Let's be honest, the name "Widow" hit too close to home due to recent events, but thats why you only killed eight people per year! And to make things even better, you set 8 things that would happen. 8 games. 8 lines all connecting into a web. And to make things worse for the police, your extermination cravings were sporadic, and not so scheduled.
But it all played out the same.
Something subtle. like a box of rotting spiders at the victim's doorstep.
Next would be a missing, or perhaps "disappearing" passport and driver's license...if they could even afford one.
Now there would be 3 warning letters, the classic "i know what you did". Simple as that.
The second one would be more detailed. Writings of the person's actions would be made for a week before the last and final warning was made.
"Im coming" you wrote in squirrel blood, giggling everytime the person panicked, not knowing it was you all along.
Then nothing....for 2 weeks or so. To lower suspicion per say.
Then its the time to strike. Waiting until exactly midnight to knock out and drag your victim to the very same swamps your beloved died in. You'd take the damned soul, and torture them for as long as you pleased. No matter how many screams, how much blood, their life was in your hands and yours only.
Finally, you'd pray. Pray that this offering of love would suffice for being ripped apart for so long. and as for cleaning up your mess, you'd thank the gators and the wolves for "aiding" with your hobby.
But you began getting old, despite exercising regularly and eating the things your body needed. You couldn't go out and fufill your duties. The one thing that made you happy, second to Alastor. And soon enough you died, welcoming your new fate.
The only thing you questioned was your young appearance. You died of old age, so you didn't understand why you looked like you were 30 again.
You hummed, mimicking a trumpet as you continued your short strides. And here you are now! On the way to reunite with your love once more... it's been far too long.
Welp, it won't be long before you see your life again (despite being dead). Adjusting the big puffs and coils on your head, as well as smoothing down your dress, you knocked onto the hotel door.
Your smile was so big! (You cheeks were starting to hurt from subconsciously doing so much, trying to keep memory of something you once lost).
You looked around yourself as you waited. There was a golden fountain of a majestic dragon creature, with building itself huge yet comfortable. Despite the lights in the front being a bit bright, this place pleased something in your mind.
The door opened for you to see...a short blond man?
"Hello? Is this the Hazbin Hotel?"You asked, restraining and chaining the accent you had, not wanting to be perceived as "ghetto" for the first time.
"Why yes~ Welcome my dear, and what brings you to this place?" The half-pint of a man reached for your arm, kissing it three times before hooking your arm. Your face involuntarily scrunched a bit before coming back to that neutral smile you has once before.
"I would like to see the hotel manager. Alastor, correct?" You asked as the man who tried to pull you forward, even though his head barely surpassed your chest. And surprisingly, for his height i mean, he pulled you along easily.
The lobby was a plethora of shades in red accented with bits of gold, black, and white.
"ugh His office is near the top of the hotel or something Can't miss it. The place sorta looks like a swamp."
"Of course" you mumbled. Thinking about the greenery and fireflies Alastor would take you to see.
"What was that?"
"Oh nothin'!" You smiled, already make your way to the prolonged destination.
Thank god there was an elevator, or you would've screamed. If this place was lavish and beautifully decorated, yet no easy place of transportation for inclusivity, or simply to better convenience of the people living here...
Thought pisses you off.
Hearing the elevator dig, you adjusted yourself again before walking out and looking towards the hallways. Ah, you could see what he meant. While every other door looked like a basic hotel door, the one at the end of the hallway was covered in green glowing floorboards.
It made you tear up, knowing he still had some kind of connection to his home. The fireflies danced around the entrance, enticing you to walk quicker in those heels of yours.
Reaching the door made your body paralyze and vision blur for a second or two. You took a deep breath, and knocked 2 times with a pause, knocking 3 times slower.
It was something you and Alastor did to ensure that the police wasn't at the door, back when you weren't interested in killing.
You hear shuffling, then came a fall and a thump. You hear a woman exclaim in worry. With rushed footsteps came an open door, revealing the one you lost so long ago.
He looked much different, much more red ('to hide the blood' you giggled to yourself'). His skin was more gray than that toned brown, you look up to his head to see...
'is this mf wearing a bob?'
"Alastor! Are you alright?" A doll-like woman came out, in a red suit but the brightest aura.
"Love...?" He ignored her, his knees trembling slightly with his eyes watering.
Next thing you knew you were tackled to the wall, embraced with such longing, infatuation, and a whole new level of care.
"Hello sweetheart..." You combed through his hair, brushing over some antlers, making Alastor shiver in your hold. You smiled, embracing him back with a somber sigh.
"Soooo- The Dappa Demon gotta milf for his troubles?" A white and fluffy man in pink stroller over.
"Um Angel- I dont think now's the time for that-" The Doll woman tried.
"And who is you?" You asked, genuinely curious. Alastor was still hugging you, silent, which is disturbing for a man with a voice like his.
"Da name's Angel Dust sweetpie!" He smirked, looking you up and down. "Why you cuddlin' up to Raspberry Daddy(™) like that?"
"Well, Angel, this raspberry daddy is my husband!" You explained, watching the lanky spider (which you now noticed looked like a spider), blanch before guffawing.
The woman, who you keep on forgetting about, gasped with, which you really hoped wasn't, all of her chest and possibly lungs.
"ALASTOR HAS A WIFE!!! WOW! ITS SUPER NICE TO MEET YOU!!!" She bounced up and down, her blond hair flew up along with it. Speaking of, the short man has blond hair too... welp, aint non of yo business so- "MY NAME IS CHARLIE!! THIS IS THE HAZBIN HOTEL!! AND- AND-"
"Charlie, suga mallow, pause pause! Its nice to meet you too baby!!" You started, "Can we just talk about this, as well as the hotel, in a better setting?- I think doeball needs a moment"
You looked down at Alastor, seeing his ears pinned downwards as well as feeling a small damp puddle on your shoulder.
"Oh! um- okay!! That's completely fine!! Yea! Go do your husband, and uh, wife things!!" Charlie said, pushing you towards Alastor's office once more, prompting you to hold your husband bridal style. You would hate for him to have fallen.
"So we aren't gonna talk about how Alastor isn't an edgy inhuman prince of darkness, gifted to the immunity of normal mortal affection?" Angel asked, still in shock.
The door promptly shut. You looked around his office, which was more of a radio station with shelves and a desk. Everything was in tones of brown, red, and burgundy.
The only thing that set it apart was the glowing green floor, with pale green tree moss around the corners. You smiled as a group of fireflies flew past you two.
You walk towards the chair, sitting down with Alastor's body in your lap, head in your shoulders, like long ago.
You move your hands to his ear, running your fingers through his fur, as well as using your bottom row of arms to turn on the radio, sitting so silently on the desk.
Luckily, for the both of you, calming slow jazz was playing.
"You ready to talk now?" You whispered quietly. His ear twitched before he sat up.
"Yes dear..." He said, his voice barely carrying through the air.
"Well... I wanna start with- where'd you go-?...that night i mean."
The room went silent. You continued to rub his back, feeling his boney spine despite the layers of clothing he dubbed.
Soon words flowed out of him. Like a radio host.
The story he told was one of improv, one he hadn't expected to share for a long time. About his killings, the dogs, his last sight. How his last wish was to kiss you one the lips once more.
And once he finished you told yours.
How much grief you were in. The sudden bloodlust you took after you figured everything out. The way you played with the town's mind. How every body you took was in sacrifice for him. The hope that your love would one day be connected once more, never severed again by dimensions.
The night was filled with silent sobs of two deceased lovers.
In the brief morning, you two caught up with each other. Alastor still liked a lot of the same things he did in the past, but you have changed a lot.
You have an accent. Sometimes you'll replace the word 'are' with 'is' and other times you say 'ain't', or nickname drop people. And when you get angry the accent gets even stronger, humoring him to your irritated dismay.
You can cook now! Before Alastor died, he would cook for the both of you. You managed to burn an expensive pan he got from his mother, he never let you lay a hand on the stove ever again.
You also were more...modern. Luckily not to the point where you were addicted, but it still pissed off Alastor that you had some form of flat screen. You listened to rap occasionally, as well as musicals.
But yet, he couldn't judge you for these new qualities you have. You still have that lovey fro, your beautiful and plump lips, and the way your eyes flow across the room almost brings his rotting heart back to life.
Right now in the kitchen, you two were making beignets in coconut oil. As you rolled the dough out, Alastor questioned your uniqueness of cooking.
"Darling, must you stuff the pastries with dark chocolate? Wouldn't the powdered sugar be enough?"
"Don't worry Baby! m'Made these several times!" You replied. You grabbed the strainer, tossing the raw dough into the hot oil.
"And why coconut oil specifically?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. You rolled your eyes with a loving smile.
"Cuz! It makes it taste better! Not sure how to 'xplain it, but it just does." You flipped the beignets, ensuring they were golden brown before placing them on the brown paper.
"If you say so, my Dear."
You began to hum softly, to a jazz song you heard on the streets, swaying slowly as you worked. Your husband then held you from behind, swinging with you.
His head was buried in you neck, ears flicking with each tickle of your hair. His arms came underneath yours, holding and pressing your hips.
Plating the food, you set it down in favor of dancing with your love. Dancing to the silent song of adoration, fondness, and care.
Behind the kitchen door, which was slightly propped open, you could hear the excited ramblings of the hotel's owner, making Alastor groan quietly.
"WOW!! They're so cute!!! Omg, they are so sweet together!! EEEEK!!" Charlie exclaimed, struggling to keep her voice down. this made you chuckle sweetly, making the woman utter an apology before leaving.
This is all that you wished for. Your husband, loving and dancing with your soul again. Even if it took a couple of bluenoses to accept it. (cough cough Angel and Husk)
All you could think about were those bands, the trumpets, the parades, Alastor, the food and feel of your homeplace. All of it brang you back, and now you have even more to appreciate.
Dreams do come true, down in N'awleans. Even if it takes years to achieve it.
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btw i gave her lore
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thx to @sharkdukes on Ao3, i now headcannon that you can offer a soul to a demon, which is what reader was unknowingly doing. Which is half of the reason why Alastor is so powerful at the start in hell-
heavily inspired by @drowninnoodles 's Sugar and Sinnamon on ao3.
as well as @pheavampire for this hilarious art
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(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و tags: @kittykittyanon @radicallxser @oleander-nin @towomatos @thealphagirl @ziipzeepzop-eez @spongejuice @amorisbackandbetterthanever @cyb3r-st4r if you would like to be added, check my blog. if you would like to be added, check my blog. SEE? I SAID IT TWICE!!
as for the playlist, if you couldn't read bc of the font, its titled: Wynorrifcly Widowing. (ik i didn't spell it right stfu) Please lemme know if there are any places where i forgot to finish thoughts.
©KAL pls don't steal, repost, trace, or whatever an art theif does. you can inspire yourself! just tag me to let me know<3
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elminsters · 2 months
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being a teenager in the mid 20-teens really was as good as modern teenagers think
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mejomonster · 2 years
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i still think about that post that mentioned different levels of reading comprehension... i’m going to look for it to reblog again...
just like. i don’t usually think of adult reading comprehension in ‘levels’. i tend to assume ‘oh everyone can understand when a narration is emotional, its biased and implying information about the narrator’s emotions and biases and is not necessarily reliable’ and don’t realize some people comprehend a bit less, just the face value of ‘narration says X is disgusting, so X is, narrator says Y is true so its true’ and interpret texts based on that. and some comprehend less than that, not noticing there’s even an emotional overtone anywhere, and the writing says X so X is simply true. 
A lot of these skills get taught to some degree in school, when english classes made us do literary analysis of texts. And perhaps more important since it involves factual information, when school would make us evaluate sources for our essays and figure out what bias writers have and evaluate which part of articles is writer’s opinion and which part is actual facts. Critical reading skills we need to determine if something is an ad trying to convince us of something or an informational update, to determine if something is trying to manipulate us, to determine if the information portion we read is backed up by other sources or likely not actually true, to determine the biases of all informational media we consume (because even simple stock updates and history books all have some tinge of the biases of the writer/presenter). These skills help keep us safe on the internet, help us look for information to make decisions, help us recognize when we are being manipulated, recognize various media’s goals toward convincing us of things and still being able to sort through for the facts connected. For example when there is a shooting at X with Y people injured, that’s a fact, and then everything the reporters say beyond that about ways it could be prevented/shouldn’t have happened is their opinion, and how the words they use to describe the facts themselves like if ‘kid’ or ‘criminal’ is used to describe the shooter and what words describe the police and victims etc all are still used to push the writer’s opinion.
I would like to hope, since figuring out facts versus opinions is such a vital skill for simple online safety (from malicious ads, propaganda, dangerous groups) and for simple real life safety (figuring out if a recall for food happened, figuring out if a location in the state is currently unsafe to travel to), that hopefully most people learned that ability to discern. I also realize now that I’m older, how useful that skill is, and how I still have more to learn and practice in being able to do it. 
Well, that skill is vital in discerning fact versus opinion of nonfiction and opinion media. But it’s also a skill needed to understand stories, fiction, and again it just. Surprises me how its not actually a given that readers who find something, watchers who find something, will actually have the full ability to discern the intent and meanings that a creator put into something. 
#rant#i just. idk i think about this and get how people see something like#idk old school Xmen and DONT see how its allegory calling out conservatives making discriminatory laws#i think about this and it explains so much about how media especially perhaps media widely engaged with and#engaged with a younger audience. can get misunderstood.#a person without this skill cant tell rage against the machine isnt actually about hating technology#a person without this skill cant watch Not Me and get that Sean is like he is because of his traumatic upbringing#and that Sean grows and does not start perfect.#a person without this skill may read an mxtx work like svsss and not GET that its satire making fun of and making POINTS about the genre its#referencing. get that its commenting on the black lotus character type. the overpowered harem novel stories. and commenting on webnovel#culture's toxic traits in general.#mxtx fandom sometimes has infighting thats like X is good but Y is bad. and all is by same author#and sometimes i think some of it is a reading comprehension difference depending on different readers#like. even just understanding 'this is a translation. its unlikely to perfectly communicate the original texts intent/style/meaning' is#not always thought about or considered#it always shocks me to remember such a simple thing.#that of course not all people have reading comprehension to the same degree.#because i usually read stuff that requires a high comprehension of whats implied and NOT on the page directly stated.#because even in chinese and french i am so used to looking at that level that i practice doing it in my other languages too#even before i could read perfect. the idea of not noticing the authors style and how it affects their effect/meaning/point#how what tropes they pick and what biases they put in the narration TELL you things. how the things they omit TELL you things.#i guess tldr: if you wonder why ppl dont get a point in media you get? maybe they just are not comprehending that layer#and its always good for all of us to practice critical reading skills#because even when we think we know how to do it. there's real life spheres like news and ads#where their goal is to hide the intent layer of their content. and its important for us to still be able to determine their intent.
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seenthisepisode · 1 year
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min-gummy · 1 year
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it was a good time
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v
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hatchetmanofficial · 23 days
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Hi I just played this game recently but I'm curious about the lore and idk where to find it i see a lot of people mentioning boss stu (I keep reading stfu) and idk who those are do i have to read all the asked questions to get the lore going on or I can find it somewhere else? (Anyway here's a squished alan holding a red flag)
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MDHM LORE (no spoilers for the actual game):
This is only going to cover the backstories/extra details and the world of MDHM but does not touch what is going to happen in the game. Some TW for the lore, will contain stuff like substance abuse, suicide, toxic relationships, gore and child abuse.
Alan is the main love interest of the game. He is an assassin who lives in the woods in the town that set in the game, far from society but occasionally visits when he has "important" stuff to do. He is the second youngest of four brothers. Claude, Jules, and James. Alan has a pretty strained relationship with them especially after their mother passed away from suicide. Alan ran away during high school and has no connections to the current culture in the modern world.
Erika is a new college friend/classmate you encounter in your English class. She is the only adopted child of two dads with whom she is currently keeping secrets to not disappoint them. She works as an employee in the local skater rink and volunteers at the rescue cat shelter. Erika is very fashion-forward and is pretty smart when it comes to problem-solving and has a hobby of solving mysteries. She has a six-legged cat named Loki and lives with her roommate Rosie.
Stu is a child friend who harbors feelings for the player. He hasn't been in contact with them since they left for college as he stayed in their old town behind. He has an older sister named Toni who also left for university, his mom, and his dad who had a pretty unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship until he moved out. Stu lives in a frat house on school grounds and is a part of a band called the Critters of Wreckage (CoW). Stu struggles with pornography addiction as well as drinking as he became very isolated after not talking with the player.
Carver is Alan's coworker. I have not revealed much about him, other than he has the most trauma, especially during childhood, out of everyone. He has an estranged past he can't quite remember after being hired as an assassin. He is missing pupils but is still able to see. He has a fascination for experimenting and dissecting his victims, even though he really isn't allowed to. I would love to point out that Carver doesn't call the player "Guinea Pig". That name is for his OWN person of interest who he has yet to find. He still calls the player "Doe-Eyes" simply because Alan calls them that. His real name is Calvin and he is 31 years old.
Stitches is another coworker of Alan and Carver. Not much is known about him. He isn't human although he appears to be. Stitches, is in fact, made up of three different body parts from three different people. His head, the torso, and his legs. Stitches was created by Boss.
Boss is, obviously, the boss of Alan. No, he doesn't have a name as he simply just goes by "Boss". He is older than the town, older than time actually. He doesn't have much of a physical form but used roadsigns as a body for him to use. He communicates through images or texts from the signs.
Buck is Alan's dad. He doesn't know that Ophelia has passed away since their separation and is still in love with her. He hasn't seen Alan either but still wants to connect with his son.
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there's dirt on my face from when they buried me alive; i'll show you how to kiss, teach me how to breathe through these soil-laden lungs.
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jw60 x reader: what happens at the renaissance faire does (not) stay at the renaissance faire.
(warnings: blasphemous filth (it's honestly not bad), unprotected penetrative sex (m on f), idk a little hair pulling, nothing too crazy (be proud of me!), but you should be warned about the insanity that is me writing slow burn. i know i'm forgetting a lot but all my usual suspects. (please be warned, don’t read if you’re not 100% sure.)
(a/n: well, favorites, did someone say longest story yet? no, size doesn't matter, but this is getting out of hand. we're over 15k, now. next time i'm just gonna hand you a novel. happy valentine's day from the writer that loves you the most. where to begin? no, i don't know anything about faire culture or even that much about theatre, but i hope you like this anyways, because i absolutely loved writing it. i guess goalies are for the heartbreakers (and jw60 is for people who have been demonized because they're hot). this is for those of us with a little bit of a reputation, a little bit of a history. you deserve someone who thinks you look like a princess when your tits are falling out of your corset. yeah, the pacing's probably a bit off, and i got carried away with his big doe-eyes, but shh! don't tell anyone. oh, and you guys can pry bad kisser jw60 from my cold, dead hands. you know how i used to say i hope you watch the canucks and think, wow, qh43 definitely wants something that's just his? i hope you watch the leafs (when jw60 comes back) and think, wow, sweetheart doesn't know how to kiss! and with that stiff upper neck, too, poor baby! of course, please tell me what you think, because i love it when you do. what else? thank you a million times for all the love. try to spot the baby leafs in the supporting cast. and i'm about halfway done with frat!jh86 (it's fun, you'll love it). thank you for being patient with me. go canucks. until next time, all my love).
the corset was making it really, really hard to breathe. you swore, tonight, when you finally unbound yourself, there would be indentations of the small brass eyelets in your spine, perhaps that your back would slink and melt into the ground, having grown accustomed to the relentless support of the tightly-tied ribbon.
"i don't want to hear it," jenny, your best friend, said, holding a hand up to silence you before you even spoke. "you look unreal. you'll thank me for this, babe, i swear it."
you shook your head at her. "i just don't get why i have to dress like a medieval prostitute," you mused, gesturing to yourself, then her, "and you get be, uh, whatever that is."
jenny threw a hairbrush at you, which you dodged. "i'm a jester. you know this. you know how important this is to me."
you sighed, because you did. jenny had been a regular at the old renaissance faire every summer since she was little. you were about to be seniors in university, but this summer, jenny had insisted that you join her, some kind of last hurrah before you began to walk an intertwined path for what would likely be the last time.
and as much as you didn't really have any interest in jousting, or feudal society, or turkey legs, or whatever it was that people did at these things, you loved jenny enough to be grateful that she wanted to share her special place with you.
you didn't ask why she insisted on being a court jester ever year. maybe that was just her true form.
you walked over to where she sat in front of her mirror, put your hands on her shoulders. "and you're the hottest jester i've ever seen," you said, kissing her on the top of the head. "but i still can't breathe in this."
"that's the point," jenny replied, waving you off.
you had wanted to design your own costume, as costume design was quite literally your passion. you'd designed for every school play and musical since freshman year, wanted to pursue it further after college.
jenny had seemed so excited, though, and it was her day, so you let her take the reigns. the way this get-up fit you, though, the revealing upper-thigh slit, the abundance of cleavage you were sporting, the draping lacey skirts, it all had you hoping this specific faire had a strict no-men policy. you could practically already feel the weight of slimy stares on your exposed leg, the top of your chest. not to mention your face, but that was a bit of a constant, not just today.
you finished your hair and makeup, perfected the wench/heroine/damsel look. you knew yourself to be capable of all but shapeshifting, with your design and artistic abilities, but this old-timey seductress look was a spectacle, that was for sure.
jenny squealed when she saw the finished look. you cracked a smile at her ensemble, a straight-up court jester, down to the bells on her pointed hat, the face paint that matched the color scheme of her costume. "you look great," you told her.
"it's about letting my inner jest shine through," she said, "and that's why i dressed you up. so you have enough sex appeal for the two of us."
you were going to ask why there needed to be any sex appeal at all, but when you finally arrived at the sight of the faire, it became clear that that was simply part of the show.
you weren't even out of place in your revealing get-up, among all of the corsets and pants that looked like tights, not at all, although you had to give jenny credit. out of the many wenches and princesses and knights and pirates and such, your costume was especially lovely.
jenny linked her arm with yours as you passed under the tented entrance. it smelled like charcoal smoke and sugar, like wet leaves and musk.
"welcome to paradise," jenny said, a bright, genuine smile on her round face.
you couldn't help but smile, too. smile at this almost-hilarious display of the modern obsession with the past, of the unrelenting pursuit of entertainment, of the shared desire to be someone, somewhere, sometime else. this faire was just human, in a way that could be sort of somber, but in a way that you read as beautiful.
"where to first?" you asked your friend.
for hours, you let her lead you from place to place, from memory to memory.
"this is where my cousin, brett, bought his crush a leather-bound notebook," jenny said, while you perused a leather goods stand. she winced. "think she had a boyfriend, though."
you took pictures of her with different characters, let her take pictures of you with them, after. you smiled, big and cheesy, next to guys on stilts, jugglers, acrobats.
"you're gonna love this one," jenny said, pulling you into a barn that sold soaps and other handmade goods. you held a candle to your nose, inhaled, closed your eyes at the subtle combination of pine and something slightly floral.
you held it out to your friend. "try this one," you offered, picking up another one to test. you left the barn with two new candles and a hand soap for your apartment at school.
"we have to avoid archery," jenny whispered to you from behind a hand as you waited in line for giant pickles.
"why?" you asked, tilting your head at her serious expression.
"pretty sure my high school ex still runs it," she said, "and not the fun one."
you successfully avoided her ex, tried mead (honestly, how did people ever drink that), had your fortune told.
"my mom used to be the fortune teller at her local faire," jenny told you, a wistful sort of look in her eyes. "it's how she met my dad."
your heart flipped. you were a sucker for a meet-cute. "really?" you asked, "how romantic, jen. we have to do it."
jenny went first, the bell on her hat jingling with each movement. she walked away with a vague promise of new opportunities ahead and a new light to step into.
you smiled when she relayed this information to you, grabbed her hands excitedly. "a new light?" you said, "like a center-stage light? like a lead role?"
jenny's eyes widened. you'd met her freshman year in the theatre department, you a bit of a loner with a knack for a sewing machine and her a talkative actress with a beautiful singing voice.
still, after three years of productions, jenny had never had a lead role. she had a affinity for playing the side kick, the best friend, the assistant, the villain's love interest.
but no one had seen what she was capable of more than you, and you knew this year would be the year. you couldn't wait to watch her give the last bow on opening night, with you clapping from the wings.
now, jenny grinned at you. "this is the year, babe," she agreed. "now you!"
she gave you a gentle push towards the booth. the woman running it was probably somewhere between fifty and sixty. she had the face of a person who took advantage of sunny days, of someone who didn't deny herself simple pleasures, who had spent years laughing.
you felt at ease with her when she took your hand, ran her fingers along the ridges of your palm.
"rough hands, girly," she said, shooting you a lighthearted wink. "you workin' too hard, eh?"
you smiled. "just hard enough, ma'am," you told her, to which she patted your hand lightly in approval.
"you'll keep working," she told you, "but you'll find some new fun, too. sooner than you think."
you thanked her, bid her a good day. you never were one to put much stock into this kind of thing, but you'd take a little more fun any day.
when you told jenny what your fortune had been, she bumped her hip against yours. "hopefully that means a new guy," she mused.
you rolled your eyes. "don't need a guy for fun, do i?"
"'course not," she said, waving you off. "just know you, babe."
"you make it sound like i'm some depraved witch," you teased.
she laughed, pulled you by the arm to the big tent in the center of the faire. "c'mon," she said, "it's time for the joust!"
the joust was the main event of the day, you had known this coming in. it was fun, a spectacle of men on horses. you found yourself fascinated with the way they had dressed the horses up, the funny way all the actors were talking, so distracting that you barely noticed when the joust actually happened.
you still applauded and whistled along with jenny, listened to her tell a story about one joust in which the horse ran in the opposite direction, right out of the tent. you were holding your stomach in gentle laughter as you made to finish your day off at the tavern.
the sky began to melt from a blue to a burnt orange, the air hazy with heat. you could feel a day of standing in your thighs, a day of heeled boots in your calves. the makeup on your face had stayed put, but you could feel the weight of it like a halloween mask. your hair pulled at your scalp, a bit.
"hey, thanks for being such a good sport about this," jenny said as she brought you back a massive jug of beer, setting it down on the table with her own.
"what?" you said, scrunching up your face. "this is awesome, jen. thank you for inviting me."
she rolled her eyes at you, but her smile was obviously pleased. "i know it's corny, and kinda weird, but it's, i don't know." she trailed off, a misty sort of look in her eye.
you took her hand from across the table. you got what she meant. with senior year about to start, everything had a new, foreign sort of gravity to it, like it might never happen again. like you might miss it, if you didn't breathe all of it in. "i get it," you told her. "and where else am i gonna get to dress like this?"
she grinned at you as you took a sip from your jug.
"little jenny jester? is that you?"
you both turned to see an old, old man in magician's robes. jenny squealed. "magic jarod!" she said, before turning to you. "be right back," she whispered, "family friend."
"go 'head," you said, waving her on. you watched her approach the man, give him a big hug. you smiled. it was pretty cool, to know people at an event like this. to have people know you.
you sipped on your beer, quickly realized there was no way you were going to finish it. to pass the time, you people-watched, tried to guess people's relations to each other. you admired people's costumes, made mental notes of unique beading patterns or interesting pleats.
at some point, you were torn from your lulled observance by a polite cough. "is this, uh, where the plus-ones hang out?"
you turned your head to the side slightly to see the owner of that deep, pleasant voice. if you were the type to wolf-whistle, this would have been the time to do it.
something thrummed in your chest as you took in the man who stood in front of you, now. maybe it was the height, maybe the lean, working sort of bulk, maybe the soft-looking, just long enough hair. maybe it was the impossibly blue eyes that you could see even in the dim light of the tavern at dusk. maybe it was the careful, straight posture, the high cheekbones, cut jaw.
or maybe it was the fact that he was dressed in some sort of homemade prince outfit, a loose cream blouse, dark trousers, a dainty tiara-like crown atop his head.
he shifted back on his heels ever-so-slightly under your gaze, like it was something tangible, something that meant something.
in the misty, warm lighting of these low ceilings, among the dirty tables and scent of beer, he appeared deliciously out of place, like some fabled savior, some ancient temptation disguised as an angel.
you gave him a small smile, leaning into the table, just a bit. "did you also come with a jester?" you asked, teasing.
his mouth quirked, a beautiful flush blooming across his cheeks at the sound of your voice. he gave a shake of his head that shook the longer curls around his ears. "'m with the knight," he said, nodding to the person who was currently talking to a woman dressed as a pirate, who appeared very confused. to be fair, the person she was talking to was in full armor.
you gestured to the open spot across the table from you. "keep my friend's spot warm until she gets back?"
he stepped closer until he was just across from you. until you could see how long his lashes were, how big his eyes were, doe-like and boyish. how, ever since you'd first made eye contact with him, his gaze hadn't dipped to your chest even once. which was a feat, even jenny had gotten distracted a couple of times.
he made eye contact like a religion, like it was so, so significant. you took a sip of your beer. "what kind of prince are you?" you asked, leaning your heavy head on a palm.
he gave a low short of chuckle, and the sound was a rumble through your body, shook you up from the inside out. he clasped his broad hands in front of himself. "the boring kind," he said.
you shook your head, laughed. "okay, then, boring prince," you said. "what's your name?"
he licked his lips, and your eyes tracked the movement. your hands felt jittery. "joseph," he said, then asked for yours. you gave it. his kind eyes shimmered at this piece of you. "and what kind of princess are you, sweetheart?"
you laughed, bit your lip to stifle it, as you didn't want him to think you were making fun of him. but, really, in what world was this a princess costume? maybe in an adult film, but not here.
he didn't seem offended, though, just gave you a pouty look dripping with mirth. "what?" he said. you had a feeling he was rarely on the outside of an inside joke.
"it's just funny," you told him, feeling honest and open in the light of his polite gentleness. "that you think 'm dressed as a princess."
"oh, yeah?" he asked. his tiara shifted on his head. "what're you dressed as, then?"
something different wafted through the air between the two of you, something stronger than just the smell of grime and alcohol. something that felt sluggish, sparkly, seductive.
because even now, he didn't look away from your eyes. and that was, somehow, so much more intimate than some desperate once-over, one that would get caught on your chest, your thighs.
"how many princesses do you know who show this much skin?" you asked instead of answering his question. your voice had grown gravelly without your permission.
you had almost dared him to look away from your eyes, to take you in fully, in all of your corset-strapped glory.
but he didn't. which had you almost begging that he would.
"at least one," he said, a lopsided grin slanting across his face. "at least you."
"you know," you started, thought for a second. you sucked on your teeth, and his gaze flickered to your mouth for one single, almost undetectable second. a second that sparked a fire underneath you, had victory horns blaring in the distance. "you're pretty charming for a boring prince, joseph."
that pretty blush grew deeper, made his stark stature appear comfortable, warm. you wanted more of it. you wanted to know it deeply and personally.
when had you shifted so close together? the both of you leaning across the small table like it wasn't even there, breathing in the same air, sharing so politely.
you wanted to make his kind eyes simmer, make his blood run hot. you were close, you knew it, you could feel it in his exhales, in the slight tremor of his hands.
"don't think 'm the charmer between us, sweetheart," he said, low, a secret.
"we can share the title, if you want," you offered. "i'd share with you."
he hummed, shifted on his elbows, restless. "that's kind of you," he said. there was a roughness to his tone that flipped your heart in your chest, wrapped your legs up in coiling heat.
"what can i say?" you said, "you're a good influence on me."
there was a pause, during which you reached a hand up and gently adjusted his tiara so that it sat straight on his head again. you tried not to ruminate on how soft his hair was under your fingertips, pretended not to notice how his gaze draped over your face like a weighted blanket as you focused on the task.
when you withdrew your hand, he was staring at you. it felt like there was no one else in the room. "there," you said.
"straightened me out, did you?" he rasped, those doe eyes drowsy.
your mouth quirked up in a smirk. "oh, joey, i couldn't straighten you out," you said, tilting your head.
"no?" he asked, almost disappointed, not really. "what, sweetheart? 'd you be a bad influence on me?" he teased, twisting your words.
you knew you had him.
you knew you had him, so you forced aside any sensuality from your tone, your expression. "oh, fuck, i think my necklace is stuck in my hair," you said, clutching your hair, wincing like it hurt, watching concern flood his delicate features so gracefully. "know it's a lot to ask, joseph, but could you come to bathroom with me and untangle it, please?"
"of course," he said, practically before you could get it out, letting you take one of his wide, warm hands and tug him to the bathroom. once he was inside, just behind you, you locked the door, dropped your hair, both hands now free.
he appeared confused for a second. "your necklace?" he asked, but he trailed off as you placed a hand on his chest, felt the silken material of his shirt under your palm.
you peered up at him through your lashes, cocked your head. "'d you really fall for that, joey?" you asked, almost shocked.
his firm chest rose and fell under your hand, his exhales coming out shaky. "you're very persuasive," he mustered.
you hummed, relished in the heat that simmered between the two of you, full-bodied and palpable. "'m sorry i lied," you whispered, because you felt compelled to, because you had a feeling it mattered.
"'s okay," he breathed, immediate in his forgiveness, finally moving his hands from his sides to rest gently on your hips. this decision seemed to take a lot out of him, which made you smile. like his desire was heavy, like he just needed somewhere to put it down. like he wanted to touch you, so badly, but needed permission, needed someone to tell him how.
"can i be a bad influence on you for a second?" you asked him, leaned forward into his chest, "please?"
he nodded, leaned back against the door like holding his posture straight was suddenly too much to endure, let out some affirmative sound, halfway between a breath and a whimper.
you kept one hand on his chest, pressed him into the door, snaked your other hand into his hair and rooted it there. his grip on your hips tightened, now hard and strong, his own hips angling up slightly, involuntarily.
"can i kiss you?" you asked, suddenly soft, despite his sudden strength. because you had a feeling it mattered. that he mattered.
"please," he said, basically a whine, which had you fisting his shirt and tugging him down, his lips meeting yours in something like a fairytale, something heated and passionate and glutted with relief.
something heated, in the way you pulled at his hair, how his hand reached around you to pull you closer, right up against him.
something passionate, in the way your knees felt wobbly as swallowed down his sounds, swore you could feel his heartbeat under your palm.
something glutted with relief, in the way his tiara fell from his head entirely, only recognized by the dull clatter of plastic against wood, in the way neither of you pulled away, in the way it only gave you more access to him.
he tasted like mint and something slightly earthy, like peppermint candy and flaky sea salt. you much preferred this, you decided in a moment, to the taste of weed brownies and red bull that distinguished the kisses you had grown accustomed to, at school.
it was something like a fairytale, but not because it was perfect.
because it wasn't perfect, not at all. joseph was actually kind of a bad kisser, you realized. nothing crazy, nothing jarring, but the tell-tale signs of inexperience hung off of him like a too-big jacket.
moments of too-much teeth, unsure hands, a stiff neck, they made you smile against his mouth, because it was obvious he didn't let just anyone into his space like this.
so when his teeth would clash against yours, you'd simply nip at his bottom lip, playful, forgiving.
when his hands would still, uncertain, you'd just place a hand over where one of his rested, held it there, let him know you felt him, still, unwavering.
when his neck would stiffen, you'd rub at the knots with a knuckle, trace your nails over his hairline, feel a shiver erupt under your fingertips.
until he grew more comfortable in his motions, more brave in his want. desire flowed between you both like gasoline, sharp-scented and flammable. he let out an especially uninhibited groan when you brought your hand down to rest on his waistline, but the sound was engulfed by three swift knocks on the door.
"get outta there, guys," some authoritative voice called. "we're not that kind of establishment."
reluctantly, you pulled away from each other, chests heaving. the top of your chest glowed with warmth.
your prince looked delightfully disheveled. the top button of his shirt had slipped undone, his hair beautifully fussed, his cheeks ruddy, lips swollen, eyes glossy.
you knelt down, gently, picked up his plastic tiara, pushed up on your toes to place it on his head again. when you pulled back, there was something more dangerous than pure lust in his gaze.
as much fun as you knew you could have with him, and as much as you wanted to, you knew jenny would be looking for you, ready to go home. you knew joseph had his knight to attend to. knew this perfect moment that you had summoned was all but gone.
you knew the chances of seeing him again were very slim. the thought made your stomach drop, a bit. you exhaled all of your expectations, let them fall to the ground like sediment as you placed a hand on the doorknob.
he still hadn't said a word, almost in a daze. "you're going?" he asked, a husky rasp, and you could have pouted. it felt cruel, to be leaving behind such a pretty boy, one with such kind eyes.
you nodded slowly.
he just gave you a goofy sort of sad smile, tilted his crown to you like the brim of a hat. "until we meet again, trouble," he said, "you've been a lovely bad influence."
you smiled back at him, actually felt yourself blush. "and you've been a deviously good one," you said, "goodbye, joey."
and so you left him, walked away, but you could still feel his lips on yours, could feel the steadiness of his eye contact, the endearing uncertainty of his grip.
when the night ended, you had walked away from the dashing prince, the one you had pulled apart at the seams, but you knew you wouldn't forget him. your not-so-boring prince, who you couldn't even call a hookup, couldn't deem a fling, so you just knew him as your storybook kiss.
and you didn't forget him, even as the last summer days melted into early september, even as school started back up again, as classes came back into full-swing, as senior year and the countdown to graduation began.
you and jenny moved your things from your summer lease to your on-campus apartment, reunited with your friends who had been away for the summer, got all your classes and credits in order.
before you knew it, it was the first theatre department meeting, and you found yourself in the auditorium on a hot tuesday afternoon, slotting into a seat next to jenny and benji, the set designer who you had worked closely with during all your previous productions.
"good to see you, benj," you said, smiling at him.
he grinned, returned the sentiment, but tilted his head back in mock anguish. "another year of madness," he mused, "here we go again."
"our last go-around," you reminded him, elbowing him softly.
jenny made a noise, shook her head. "don't say that to me," she warned, "swear i'll start crying."
after welcoming everyone back, and building an adequate amount of suspense, the theatre director announced the fall play to be romeo and juliet.
"our department hasn't put it on since the eighties," the director exclaimed, "and i have the utmost belief that we will make it every bit the magical tragedy it is."
jenny was squeezing your hand so hard it hurt. juliet had been one of her dream roles since she was in middle school, since she had watched the movie with claire danes.
already, your head was spinning with visions of shakespearean headpieces, draping dresses, flowery imagery, blushy makeup.
beside you, benji groaned. "oh jesus," he lamented, "please, please, no castles."
you and jenny laughed. benji was one of the most talented artists you knew, and he always pulled it together before opening night, but he was a true procrastinator, tended to be a bit of a lazybones. the cast and crew loved him for it. what was an artist without a little bit of torture?
auditions were set for thursday morning, callbacks on friday, the final cast list to be posted on monday.
you didn't need to be present for any of the auditioning process, so, for the next few days, you enjoyed what you knew from experience to be your last moments of free time for the rest of the semester.
you went to office hours for your design professors, as you always did at the beginning of classes, just to introduce yourself, get yourself properly situated for academic success.
after jenny's audition on thursday, you went out, celebrated what she assured you was an astounding monologue delivery. between salted rims and blue-colored cocktails, jenny flipped her phone screen your way to show you the email that confirmed her callback tomorrow.
you squealed, shook her by the shoulders, pure excitement flowing through you. this was the year, you knew it. this was it.
nothing out of the ordinary, you let one of your friends set you up with some guy on saturday night. he was cute enough, kind of scummy, but, up until recently, he would have been exactly your type. you'd been known to go for the guys who looked like they'd been around the block, a little fratty, a little jocky. this guy, across from you, fit the bill, you could give him that.
all throughout college, you hadn't been the type to judge too harshly if a guy was a little too glued to his phone over dinner, if he had the distinct posture of someone who grew up with money, if he spoke shortly to wait staff.
for some reason, though, tonight, you felt itchy at the fact that he had a tough time looking you in the eye for more than a few seconds, felt a practically motherly concern at the way his fingers twitched towards his phone if he went more than a few minutes without looking at it.
for some reason, tonight, more so than nights before, the memory of a certain stiff-spined prince, blushing pink and thinking you were a princess, even dressed your sluttiest, danced across your mind like a waltz.
you sort of hated how his memory had kind of ruined what, a few months ago, would have been a satisfying hook-up, resented how someone you were never going to see again was dictating, to any degree, who you would go home with, but, regardless, you gave this guy across from you a terrible excuse for your need to leave, set a fiver on the table to cover your drink, hurried out the door and home.
jenny was sprawled out on her bed when you opened the door, watching some trashy reality dating show for the millionth time.
"watching it again isn't gonna make kaitlyn make the right choice," you reminded her as you set your bag down, recognizing the season from a single line of dialogue.
jenny groaned. "i can dream," she said, then fixed her eyes on you. "you look hot," she observed, "what are you doing here?"
you smiled as you began to take your makeup off. "went out with that guy chase set me up with," you explained, then sighed.
"what, did he lose his eyeballs on the way to the bar?"
you laughed, shook your head at jenny's characteristically odd wording. "nope," you said, "eyeballs intact. i just wasn't into it, i guess."
"fair enough," jenny agreed.
"it was so weird, though," you continued, "like, he was exactly what i usually go for."
"so he was a grimy slacker with a good face who has a concerning obsession with his mom?"
you gasped, feigned offense. "how dare you?" you asked, to which she giggled. "that was only twice!"
jenny rubbed at her neck. "for real though," she pushed, "what do you think is different?"
you bit your lip, thought for a moment, looked down at the cotton pad in your hand, now smudged with clumps of mascara and smears of blush. you swallowed. for some reason the sight made you slightly nauseous, some reminder of guilt or dirtiness or low self-esteem, or something like that, something you didn't really want to get into.
"you remember when you took me to the faire?" you said, still not looking at jenny.
"'course."
you exhaled. "well, when you were talking to that magician guy, i met this guy-"
jenny bolted upright from her horizontal position. "wait," she cut you off, excitement making her tone vibrate. "you mean to tell me that you met a guy at my faire, and i'm just hearing about it now?"
"sorry," you conceded, looking up to meet her eye.
"don't be," she waved you off, hugged her pillow to her chest. "i knew your costume would work!"
you rolled your eyes at her, pulled one of your knees up to your chest.
"so?" she asked, urging you on with her eyes. "tell me about him."
"he was just so fucking polite," you told her. "and so pretty. and when i made out with him in the bathroom it was like he didn't know how to kiss me, but he wanted to be good at it. so bad. like he was almost embarrassed about it." you sighed. "i don't even know why 'm still thinking about him," you told her, and it was true, sort of.
"i do," jenny told you, cracked a smile when you shot her a look. "i know everything."
"enlighten me, all-knowing jester," you said, gesturing for her to elaborate.
"you always take the scumbags, babe," she told you, "and they're fun, sure, but now you've had a taste of the teacher's pet, mom's favorite, goes to church on sunday. once you go 'good guy,' you never go back."
"i don't know," you said, skeptical, "i feel like i'm putting too much stock into this. feel like he probably doesn't even remember me."
jenny blew out a breath. "yeah right," she said, "let me tell you something."
"please."
"as much as you're feeling hooked on the good guy, right now," she said, "i can guarantee he's plagued at night by his glimpse of the dark side."
you hummed, smiled. "and i'm the dark side, in this scenario?"
"babe," jenny said, "you're not a 'bad person,' but you're a 'bad girl.'"
you pouted, but you knew what she meant. knew that you were kind, a good listener, a good friend, that you were trustworthy and patient and generous, but also that you weren't above the simple pleasures. that you weren't one to turn down a free drink, were always down to get your hands (and reputation) a little dirty, and until recently, that you were a one-night-stand frequent.
you also knew that people liked to label you as the bad girl simply because of the way you looked, the way you flirted, the way you dressed.
"whatever," you said, shrugging, acting like it didn't matter, wanting to change the subject, knowing just how to do it. "monday's the big day, right?"
jenny gushed about her callback, how that juliet role was practically hers, how she didn't want to jinx it. you told her the truth, that you couldn't imagine anyone else for the role, that they'd have to be stupid not to cast her.
and they proved to be not stupid, monday morning, when the cast list was emailed out to the department. on you way between classes, you received a face-time call from jenny before you even finished reading the full list.
"we did it!" jenny screamed as her jubilant face filled up your screen.
you couldn't help but let your face split into a grin at her excitement. "i told you," you said, "i told you! this is your year, jen. you deserve this so much." you almost felt misty-eyed. "'m so proud of you."
she looked like she actually was crying, now. "stop, babe, or you're gonna get me going," she warned. "fuck, i can't believe it. a lead role! i can't wait to wear your designs center stage!"
"i can't wait, too," you said, and you meant it.
"i know you have class, i'll let you go," she said, "see you at the meeting at four. okay, bye." she gave one last look. "our year!" she squealed as she hung up, leaving you laughing as you walked into class.
finally, it was time for the all-department meeting, your last commitment of the day, when everyone involved in the production met, now that you all knew the cast, from the leads to the directors to the stage managers to the last freshman painting sets under benji's direction.
"morrison's a night. mare," was the first thing that benji said to you as you slid into the seat next to him.
you hummed. "who's morrison?"
"one of my freshman," he explained. "his girlfriend's in the cast, said he wants to 'keep an eye on her,' whatever that means."
you scrunched up your nose. "gross," you said.
"and he sucks at everything," benji said. "'m half tempted to tell him to just stand in the corner and not touch anything."
you laughed as the director clapped his hands on the stage to get everyone's attention, launched into the typical congratulations speech. you felt jenny sit to your right with a deep breath.
"little late, eh, jen?" benji whispered.
"can it, benny," she replied, to which benji scowled. he hated when she called him that.
"and now, we'll do a full introduction," the director was saying, "from the back of the house all the way to the front. i can not emphasize enough how important it is that we, here in the theatre, trust and love everyone around us."
"i love you so much," you whispered to benji, who smirked.
"'m not interested, babe, but so flattered," was his response.
"why don't we start with our leads? jennifer and carlos, please stand and introduce yourselves."
"yeah, jennifer," you whispered, giggling into your hand. benji shook next to you.
jenny smacked you on the shoulder as carlos went. your production's romeo was a senior, too, had been in the department as long as you and your friends. you were a little surprised he had gotten the role, if you were honest, had always thought his acted grief came across as a bit shallow.
then jenny went, standing up, waving to everyone. when she was done with her introduction, no one clapped louder than you and benji, even whistling, a sound that echoed through the space.
the rest of the cast went, then all the directors and behind the scenes people. eventually, benji and his team went, followed by the costume crew.
"hi, everyone," you said, standing up, giving them all your name. "i'm the head costumer designer, and i can't wait to help all of you look like the best versions of yourselves and characters." you had used that line since sophomore year.
more people followed, eventually even the ushers went, followed by the orchestra and band.
you were friends with some of the music kids, so you tried to pay closer attention.
"'sup guys, 'm matt, on percussion," a stocky guy said, then gestured to the guy next to him. you laughed when you heard him grunt, "go, dude."
"yeah, i'm bobby," his friend, the blonde one, said, giving an awkward wave, "i, uh, play guitar."
"jesus, how does he look hotter than last spring?" benji said, putting his head in his hands, referring to the crush he had harbored on the department's guitarist for two years. you rubbed his shoulder in comfort, but a voice you recognized made your gaze snap back.
"hello, everyone, my name is joseph, i'm your new pianist, and i'm so excited to get to know you all."
the next person went to speak, but you just blinked, swallowed your disbelief down like a too-big pill.
it couldn't be him, but it was. there stood your boring prince, in a button down and khakis, this time, no tiara to be found. it made you wonder if he still had it, somewhere, maybe his bedroom, if his gaze would catch on it sometimes and he would think of you. if it would make him blush.
there he stood, hair just a bit longer, but the rest all the same as the dream boy who lived in your memory. so pretty, his words so naturally kind, you barely even noticed that he mentioned he would be the pianist for the production, too distracted by the fact that he was here, in front of you, right now.
hands on your waist, his soft groans muffled against your lips, wide doe eyes looking at you like he couldn't bear to look away, it all flashed across your mind, made you stiffen, your exhale come out short.
"you okay?" jenny whispered to you.
"that's him," you said.
"who?" her brow was furrowed, confused.
"that's him," you repeated. "the guy from the faire."
benji turned to you. "no way you let her drag you to that geek fest," he said, but you both ignored him, jenny's eyes going wide.
"that's your good guy?" she clarified. "the piano man is the bad kisser?"
"lower your voice," you warned, your voice low, serious.
benji leaned in. "you kissed bambi, over there?"
"yes, benny, keep up," jenny said, barely sparing him a look. "babe, you need to talk to him. this is fate." she snapped her fingers. "this is literally what the fortune teller was talking about, work and fun and all that."
you bit your lip, looked towards joseph again. your heart stuttered in your chest when you found him to be already looking at you. his lips quirked up in a shy smile as his fingers fluttered in a gentle wave.
you let a smile drape across your face at his recognition, his cordiality, then winked at him.
he looked at his feet, shifted lightly on his feet. you swore you could see his nervous blush from here. it made you feel like you were coated in glitter.
finally, the meeting ended with the promise of an email containing a review of all the information discussed. as everyone stood up and made for the exits, jenny gently shoved towards the front, where joseph was talking with his friends. she grabbed the elbow of benji and walked in the other direction as he muttered something about always being the last to know things.
you walked down the auditorium aisle, joseph's eyes lifting to meet yours as you got close. his smile grew boyish and bashful as he registered your approach, stepped out of his lean against the stage, brushed his palms against his pants.
there was a pause that you noted, because what exactly could you say, here? what exactly could you do?
could you say hey, matt and bobby, i don't know how you know joseph, but i made out with him in the bathroom of a ren faire tavern and haven't stopped thinking about him since?
probably not.
instead, you just smiled, asked matt and bobby how their summers were. they had been in the theatre band since sophomore year, so you were familiar with them, at least enough to know what place matt was talking about when he mentioned his vacation home and who bobby was referring to when he mentioned his buddies on the team (the both of them were on the club hockey team at school).
matt clapped a heavy hand on joseph's shoulder. "woller's on the team with us," he explained, "convinced him to fill the piano void we had after the seniors graduated."
you hummed, turned your gaze back to joseph, relished in the endearing awkwardness you found. "joey and i have met, actually," you said.
bobby shrugged. "you go to the same school, not all that surprising."
it was sort of funny, now that you thought of it, that in three years, you hadn't crossed paths with joseph one time. not once did he catch your attention in the dining hall, not once did he drop a pen in your vicinity during a lecture, never did he accidentally bump into you between classes.
you'd gone three years without seeing those blue eyes, and since that chance encounter, you hadn't stopped thinking about them.
matt seemed to be more perceptive than bobby, though, giving a slight nod in understanding. "we'll leave you to catch up, then," he said, grabbing his backpack, tossing bobby his. "see you 'round, guys."
then the auditorium was empty, except for you and joseph. like a universe that existed only for the two of you. the high ceilings seemed barely suitable to fit the mass of emotion you felt.
you kept a safe step's distance. "hi, joey," you said, softer than you meant.
his eyes shimmered at your voice, at the nickname. "hi, trouble," he said, in that tone that felt like winter sunlight, "how are you?"
of course he would ask that, hands shoved into his pockets, of course he would ask that and really mean it, really care.
"'m good," you said. "really good, now. didn't know 'f i'd see you again."
he hummed, and it felt like power, to know that you both were thinking about the last time, to know for certain he was thinking of you, pushing him up against a door.
"how are you?" you reciprocated, leaning back on your heels.
he thought for a moment, the pause fat with nostalgia, ripe with promise. "pretty nervous, if 'm honest," he told you, looked down.
you couldn't hide your delight. "like you honest," you told him, and his blush deepened. he wanted to meet your gaze, so badly, you could tell, but it was almost like he didn't trust himself to, like he might get caught there forever.
he gave a breathy sort of laugh. it made your head spin.
you stepped closer to him, which tore his eyes up to yours. his chest heaved in what might have been a relieved sigh. "do your friends know?" you asked, and your voice had grown husky, softer, only for him.
he shook his head, his eyes welling up with genuine truth, like he would never. "no," he said.
"really?" you asked, cocked your head. "don't kiss and tell, joey?"
his ears bloomed pink, like the word kiss was some kind of curse, like all of it was too much to hear aloud. it had you almost regretting saying it. almost.
when he spoke, his voice cracked, slightly. "no, uh, can't say i do, sweetheart." he said.
you gave him a smile that curled with smokiness. "did you just wanna keep it to yourself, then?" you asked, let your gaze grow hooded. "maybe keep me to yourself?"
his breathing was heavier, and he was so close, and all you wanted to do was kiss him again, knead your knuckles into that stiff neck, feel him against you, but you didn't.
you didn't and then he spoke again. it was breathy, wavering. "think, maybe, uh, we should," he started, "think we should just be, uh, friends, sweetheart."
and you could have been disappointed, offended, even, but you weren't. you just took a small step back, smiled at him gently. let his words settle. "do you, joey?"
he gave a slight nod. "yeah, um, just 'cause of the show, and we'll be working closely, and such," he said. "for the sake of the show." something permissive and almost regretful, something practically compunctious flooded his bright, blue eyes, the way oil sullies a warm ocean gulf.
"thank god we have a pianist so dedicated to the production, then," you said, eyes wide, watched him blush further. "we should probably exchange numbers, then," you continued, "so we can do things that friends do."
he cleared his throat, nodded, entered his information into the phone you offered him. "it'll be good," he said, but it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than you.
"it'll be so, so good," you amended, retreating, now walking towards the exit. "i promise, joey, 'll make it so good, for you."
for the second time, you left him, blushing, disheveled, this time with much more hope in your heart.
"so, did you talk to him?" jenny asked you over lunch the next day.
"and can you get him to talk to bobby about me?" benji asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.
"yes, and no," you said, making benji pout.
jenny stamped her feet under the table in fast succession. "so, what did you say? what did he say?"
you shrugged. "he said we should be just friends." it even sounded funny coming out of your mouth.
benji winced. "ouch," he said, blowing out a breath.
"i don't get it," jenny said, appearing genuinely confused.
"said it was for the good of the production, or something," you said.
"what a load of bullshit," jenny said, now almost angry.
you shrugged again.
"why aren't you upset?" benji asked, skeptical. "in all the time i've known you, you haven't been friendzoned once. it can't feel good to be slummin' it with the rest of us."
you laughed. "i'm not upset because i know he doesn't want to be friends, he just thinks it's the right thing to do."
"what's the difference?" jenny said, "regardless, he set his terms."
"and i'll be respectful of them," you said, and you meant it. you were not one to break hard-set boundaries, to act in a forceful or disrespectful way. "i'm a great friend."
benji narrowed his eyes. "so, you're just gonna be totally platonic with this guy?"
you nodded, leaned back in your seat.
"just friends with the only guy i've ever seen you think twice about?" jenny clarified.
"exactly," you reiterated. "just friends, nothing more." your mouth quirked. "until he inevitably decides otherwise."
benji rolled his eyes. "of course," he said, almost bitter. "the elusive long game."
"won't be that long," you corrected.
"how can you be so sure?"
you smiled at the memory. "his eyes," you said, honestly, almost guiltily. "bit of a dead giveaway."
joseph had declared you just friends, so that's what you would be, for the time being. you trusted he would come to his own conclusions as time passed, so you figured there really wasn't any reason to rush things. there were much worse things than being friends with a very kind person.
so you texted him the next morning, sent him a hey :) it's your favorite new friend, followed by your name, followed by a what're you doing later?
and of course he was a prompt responder, getting back to you in a matter of minutes. a Good Morning, Sweetheart, followed by a We have practice until 6:30, but I'm free after that. What did you have in mind?
his texts read a bit awkward and stiff, in all of their grammatical correctness, but it made you sigh, because what was he, if not a little awkward and stiff?
wanna study at my place? you sent, followed by i could walk you back from practice.
I'd like that. was his response, followed by Just to clarify, you mean actually study, right? That wasn't an innuendo?
now he had you smiling at your phone. get your head outta the gutter joey you texted, followed by just to study, followed by pinkie promise.
you could picture his blush as if you wear standing in front of him.
See you at 6:30, Trouble, was his last response.
you sort of thought it was funny that he called you that, and maybe it should have been a little offensive, because maybe you were tired of being associated with that kind of negativity. maybe you were tired of coming with a warning label, tired of feeling like all anyone saw when they looked at you was a pretty face wrapped up in red flags.
what was funnier, you supposed, was that you didn't mind it when he called you that. you didn't mind it because there was something you liked about being trouble to him, in particular. you liked being his sweetheart, probably more than you would admit to yourself, but there was something addictive about being important enough, singular enough, powerful enough to be deemed trouble by a person like him.
a person who just oozed with goodness, with righteousness, without any of the arrogance so typically marring the quality, a person whose smile leaked sunshine, who was distinct in their genuineness, whose honesty and kindness you swore you could taste, the way marshmallow fluff sticks to your teeth, grainy and sweet.
maybe you didn't love being trouble, but perhaps you didn't mind being his trouble.
that was the sentiment at the forefront of your mind as you entered the ice rink that the club team practiced at, a few minutes early, let the chillier air cool your face.
the last of the team was on the ice, just a few bodies picking up pucks and cones. you scanned the ice, didn't spot his distinct profile, so you just took a seat in the bleachers, enjoyed the rare moment of quiet, breathing in and out.
a quiet thudding noise drew your attention to the glass, where matt and bobby were waving you down. you hopped down from the bleachers while bobby opened the door to the ice, which made a heavy clanging sound.
"hey, guys," you said, now standing in front of them.
"you missed the fun part," bobby said. you had to crane your neck to look at them. they were taller in skates, a little more intimidating in full hockey pads than when they were goofing off in the pit of the theatre.
you laughed good-naturedly. "not here to watch you trick pucks off the crossbar," you said.
matt laughed. "why are you here, then?" he said.
you didn't quite answer, sucked on your teeth for a second. "where's joey?" you asked, instead.
bobby rolled his eyes.
matt just nodded towards the other end of the ice. "i'll tell him you're here," he said, skated away.
your eyes followed him, then widened. "he's a goalie?" you asked bobby. you tracked the big number sixty on the back of the jersey, the slow, deliberate skating motions, the posture you recognized.
"yeah, why?" bobby asked.
"i don't know," you said, "forgot that was even a position."
"it's the position for freaks," he clarified, leaning against the boards.
you scrunched up your face. but, you supposed, you had never met anyone quite like joseph. perhaps that made him a freak, to some degree.
matt skated back over and told bobby they had to get off the ice for the zamboni, telling you that joseph said he'd meet you by the exit.
you hadn't been waiting for five minutes before the three of them emerged from the locker room, holding water bottles and backpacks. your eyes, however, snagged on joseph like a thread on a nail, didn't leave. he looked too pretty like this, damp hair curling at the ends, face flushed with exertion and cold, his body visibly tired but also more relaxed than you'd seen him.
your throat went dry when he smiled at you. "hey, sweetheart," he said, easy.
"hi," you responded, clasped your hands behind your back, scared, if left to their own devices, they'd reach up and push that rogue curl from his forehead.
"where're you guys headed?" matt asked you as you pushed the doors open into the dusky night.
"mine," you said, not thinking anything of it, because it was the truth, because there was nothing to be embarrassed about.
then you saw the blush that tinted joseph's nose, dainty, but there. maybe it had sounded a little suggestive, but you had nothing to apologize for, and his reaction sort of hurt your feelings, for some reason.
you both said goodbye to matt and bobby, who were headed off to the dining hall, and continued on the walk to your apartment. "are you embarrassed?" you asked, not harshly, just truthfully. because it mattered.
it mattered if he thought you were the kind of person it was embarrassing to go home with. it mattered if he thought there was some kind of reputation with you that would become his through association.
it mattered if he thought you were an embarrassing kind of trouble, instead of a beautiful kind.
he didn't answer for a second, exhaled, and you squinted. "are you embarrassed of me?" you amended.
his gaze shot to yours, eyes flooded with concern, genuine worry. "what? no," he promised, "no, sweetheart, of course not of you."
and this made you feel better, a little. "what of, then?" you asked, in step besides his large frame.
a pause settled in the space between his hip and your waist, side by side, stride by stride.
he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. "it's just that," he started, took a breath, then started again. "i know it must seem weird to you, how flustered i get." you wanted to cut him off, correct him, but mostly you wanted him to continue. "'m not as comfortable as you, as confident."
"it's not weird," you promised, "i like how flustered you get. i like your blush." your fingers twitched. "i can try to dial it back, if it'd make you feel better. i can try to be, i don't know, less-"
he did cut you off, then. "no," he said, his voice breaking, only a bit. "don't, uh, change." he cleared his throat, squeezed his plastic water bottle, making it crinkle. "please."
you stared at the side of his face, for a second, any words dying in your throat. "really? aren't you scared 'll bring you over to the dark side, joey?" you said it like a joke, but it wasn't, not really. "aren't you scared i'll turn you bad?"
he looked at you, then, big blue eyes drunk with truth. "'m not scared of you, trouble," was all he said, and that was that.
you showed him up to your apartment, gave him a short tour.
"where do you usually do homework?" he asked, gentle.
"bedroom floor," you said, almost sheepish. "floor's the best place for critical thinking."
he laughed, adjusting his backpack on his shoulder. "lead the way, then," he said.
so you sat with him, on the floor of your bedroom, for a couple hours, until the night made time feel viscous and thick, until your throat was rough from lack of use, until your eyelids felt heavy.
hours of you, doing physics problem sets, and him, finishing history readings. hours of work that were made comfortable, sleepy, by the shared presence of each other, of exhales and warmth and shifting limbs.
hours of work cut with questions about his day, about your classes, about him playing the piano, about your friendship with jenny, about his with bobby and matt, about your mom and his siblings and your design dreams and his uncertain ones.
before long it was past midnight, and you felt your eyes lingering too long on his full mouth, and his gaze felt too honey-sweet on your face. before long, it was time for him to go, before the late hour made you want to see just how far you could push just friends.
out of respect, though, and because you cared about him, at some point, you cleared your throat.
"i should probably go to sleep, soon," you said, a rasp to your voice.
he made to grab his things, pushed his massive body up from your floor. "me too," he said. "'s getting late."
he swung his backpack onto his shoulder and you walked him to the door. he opened it, turned back around, leaned against the frame, facing you.
he looked down at you, and your heart surged, your mind clouded with deja vu. "do you still have your tiara?" you asked, nodding up to his head.
his lips split into a smile as he gave a rough, low laugh. "yeah, sweetheart," he said, his eyes growing foggy with memory. "that's, uh, a keeper."
and it probably wasn't how he meant it, but it almost felt like he was saying you were a keeper, and no one had ever thought that before. you squeezed your hand into a fist. "remember when you said you were a boring prince?"
he nodded.
it took every inch of your discipline not to touch him, hug him, tug him down by his shirt and kiss him dumb. "you're not boring, joey," you said.
he swallowed, his eyes welling up with meaning. "how can you be so sure?" he asked, soft.
"you can't be," you explained, "or i would've been able to stop thinking about you."
his hooded gaze caught on your lips, and it would have been so easy to push up on your toes, slot your mouth against his, but you didn't.
his simmering eyes met yours again. "goodnight, sweetheart," he breathed.
"goodnight," you said, your smile fluttery, shutting the door gently behind him.
and so began the most confusing friendship of your life.
the semester progressed quickly, the pace constantly being pushed by your busy schedule. your days seemed to pass in a blink, filled by classes and exams and rehearsals and theatre commitments, fittings and design meetings and movie nights with jenny, lunches with benji.
jenny's juliet grew more and more compelling, benji grew more and more annoyed with his set crew.
the more time passed, the more frequently you were making plans with joseph, until he just became a part of your schedule. two days a week, you would study at your place, a different two days, you would go to his, instead.
he lived with some guys from the team, so the kitchen was a bit messy, and the decor was seriously lacking, but his room was spotlessly clean, actually sort of comfortable, so you didn't mind. he had a desk, but you had convinced him of the magic of the floor, so the floors of your respective bedrooms had become something of a safe place, a tall, tall tower, away from everything else, away from reality.
you came to find that there was absolutely nothing more comfortable than the warm silence that settled between the two of you like a glittery fog when you'd both get into a working groove, perhaps not talking for stretches of time, but the presence of each other easy enough to fall asleep in.
here and there, one of you would slice through the silence like a warm knife through salted butter, asking about something that had happened that morning, or practice, or rehearsal, or something.
he'd ask how your exam went, and his gaze would melt a bit when you'd gush about how you knew you nailed it.
"that's great, sweetheart," he'd say, his posture more relaxed in the nighttime drowsiness. "'m so proud of you."
maybe you'd ask how the game last weekend went, and his nose would twitch, just a bit.
he'd shrug, and the muscles in his neck would clench, and you'd want nothing more than to ease the tension there with your fingers. "fine," he'd say. "could've been better."
and you'd roll your eyes. "you always think you could've been better," you'd say, and it would be true. you had come to understand that he was a real perfectionist when it came to hockey.
he'd smile, lopsided, and your stomach would flip. "'cause i always could be," he'd say, and it would make you frown.
"i don't know," you'd say, the words coming out slow, like molten chocolate. you'd meet his lazy gaze. "don't think it gets much better than you."
nights of studying and walking him back from practice, days during which, when you were lucky, you could sneak a coffee break with him, began to feel normal, but not in the sense that you didn't feel especially grateful every time you saw him. you couldn't imagine an instance that his eyes wouldn't make your knees wobble, that his voice wouldn't make your heart jolt, a time when making him blush wouldn't feel like a triumph, when making him laugh wouldn't pull the most genuine smile from your own mouth.
you felt as if he'd been an abrupt reset to your whole system, ever since that dusky summer kiss against a door, like a startling ice bath to your entire being. for him, though, you didn't imagine your presence to be as shocking, instead more gradual, like your attention, your thinly-veiled attraction was like ivy, slowly overtaking an old brick building.
miraculously, for weeks and weeks, you kept your hands to yourself. sure, there was the occasional hug goodbye, which typically left you speechless, the more frequent touch of a hand here and there, over a glass of water or across a spread of notebooks. once, and only once, there was a firm arm around your waist, the time when you slipped while walking next to him, his quick reflexes meaning his arm shot out to wrap around you, pulling you back upright in a single motion.
you tried your best not to lean into his embrace, mentally applauded yourself for a job well done. "thanks for that," you said, clearing your throat.
he didn't let go of you immediately though, his hand lingering on your waist for a split second, his gaze shadowy, like in a trance.
"joey," you said, and it came out like a plea, because he couldn't touch you, not like this. it wasn't fair, and you were being so good. "don't do this to me."
that snapped him out of his daze, as he gently retracted his arm, settled it unnaturally next to his side, like he wasn't quite sure what to do with it, now that his palm had laid flat against your hip. what do you do with something sacred? "sorry, sweetheart," he said, and his voice was rough.
for the first time, though, you realized, with narrowing eyes, you got the sense that he was lying to you. that he wasn't actually sorry, not at all.
then there was the time that he showed up at your place unannounced, on a day when you hadn't made plans. "coming," you'd yelled out in response to a knock, fresh out of the shower, only a towel wrapped around you. you opened the door, almost yelped when you saw him in the frame, looking straight out of a fairytale with his hair in his face.
of course, he blushed, looked down when he registered your appearance, clicked his tongue as you held your towel tighter around you. "d'you, uh," he said, "do you always answer the door like this?"
you could have laughed at his gentle humor, despite him being so obviously flustered. "only for you, joey," you said, winking at him, making him go red, which made your smile grow as you swung the door open wider, wordlessly inviting him inside. "kidding. one sec, let me get dressed."
eventually, matt and bobby got used to your presence in their kitchen, in the bleachers of the rink. you met their fourth roommate, a tall, lanky defenseman you mistakenly called simon the first time you met him.
"not si-mon," he corrected, "si-mone."
"like the girl's name," bobby said, trying to help, to which simon whacked him on the back of the head.
"aren't athletes supposed to eat healthy?" you asked one time, when you were steeping one of the tea bags you had begun to keep at joseph's place, just for convenience's sake. you had walked in on matt, bobby, and simon making ice cream sundaes.
matt just waved you off. "it's different for club," he said.
bobby scowled. "last i checked, you don't pay rent here," he said, "no rent, no opinion."
"yeah," simon said, his accent slight as he put the ice cream carton back into the freezer. "why don't you go back to your own house?"
"because i'm studying," you said, to which you were on the receiving end of a chorus of groans.
"swear you guys are practically married," matt said. "remember when i walked in on you putting that gray shit on his face?"
you rolled your eyes. "that was a face mask, and it's good for your pores."
"he has you over here more in a week than my girl has been here in a month," simon continued.
you scoffed. "maybe you should fix that, then," you told him. "nothing to do with me. me and your roommate are just-"
"don't finish that sentence," bobby said, "for my sanity, don't do it."
"what's going on out here?" came that deep voice from behind you.
"nothing," simon said, "your girl called us athletes, though."
simon's wording had you almost sad, about to correct him, but something in you stopped. because was it really all that much of a lie? joseph didn't correct him, either, which had to count for something. had to mean something.
"bein' nice, trouble?" joseph asked, a lazy smile on his face.
"you know me," you said, to which his eyes shimmered. because he did, because it was true.
you could almost hear bobby's eye roll. "we'll see you at rehearsal tomorrow," he said on his way back to his room.
as opening night grew impossibly close, your path began to cross with joseph's more in the theatre, too.
as you'd get final measurements in, make some last minute adjustments to skirt lengths and blouse widths, you'd hear that telltale melody from the pit, so smooth it'd put a smile on your face.
once, you were doing a final check of jenny's costume, the last one she would wear before curtain close, and the music began.
jenny's grin grew teasing. "such a sap, now," she said.
"don't," you warned, "i'm the one with all the pins."
she put her hands up in surrender. "not a bad thing," she said, "it's really cute, actually. just can't believe you've lasted this long."
you sighed. "that makes the two of us."
benji popped in from the wing. "so proud of you," he said, "but one of you needs to do something. it's actually painful."
it was sort of crazy, you realized, to be anything but completely grateful and satisfied with being one of joseph's closest friends. it was a privilege, you knew that. it just kind of made you wish you'd never kissed him in the first place, that you didn't know what he felt like, sounded like, tasted like. you could be so completely content if you didn't know that.
"dude, you sound like a dying cat." you recognized matt's voice, assumed he was talking to bobby. "opening night's in two days."
you could picture bobby's disinterested shrug.
benji took this opportunity to walk all the way out onto the stage, clear his throat. "i think you sound great, bobby," he said.
there was a pause. "uh, thanks, man," was the short reply. "what was your name again?"
you winced. jenny shuttered. "brutal," she whispered.
"bob, you know benji," joseph said from the piano bench, ever the polite diplomat. "he paints all the sets."
bobby looked around, took in the castles and gardens that benji had worked so hard on. "you did these?" he asked. benji nodded. "pretty sick, dude," he said, impressed.
jenny put a hand over her heart. "oh, benji, you're so talented and handsome," she said, loudly, drawing everyone's attention.
benji rolled his eyes. "oh, fuck off, jen."
you caught joseph's gaze across the space, him at the piano, you bent down, fussing with jenny's hem.
hi, he mouthed, and your heart stirred.
hi, you mouthed back.
because of the packed and overlapping theatre schedule, you became closely acquainted with the way joseph played the piano, nothing like matt's violent percussion or bobby's novice-at-best guitar abilities. he played with a gentle intensity, a passionate perfectionism, which you supposed was just the way that he was.
you swore you could watch him get caught up in the notes, could follow the deft movements of his hands for hours and not get bored, because he wouldn't get bored.
finally, it was the day before opening night, and after completing the whole last minute checklist as well as all the department's traditions and superstitions, you went back to your workspace for just a second to triple check everything. you wanted everything to go smoothly tomorrow, no surprises. a few minutes into your last checks, though, there was a soft knock on your open door.
you looked up to find a tired pair of big blue eyes. "what're you doing here?" you asked, gentle. "look like you're about to fall asleep, joey."
he shook his head. "wide awake," he said, and he sounded it. "know it's a late night, but it's still thursday. i understand if you wanted to skip tonight, but-"
you waved him off, lugged your bag onto your shoulder. "yeah, right," you said. "not gettin' rid of me that easy."
he smiled, held the door open for you as you passed him, as you both began the walk to his place. the air was chilly, refreshing, but you shivered, nonetheless.
"cold?" he asked, and you nodded, to which he started to unbutton his shirt.
"what're you doing?" you said, and you couldn't help the shocked sort of tone your voice had taken on.
he gave a light laugh, handed you his button down, revealing a t-shirt underneath. he looked at you, almost guiltily, eyes a bit dark, as you shrugged your bag off, put his shirt on, then your backpack. "'m always prepared," he said.
"thank you," you said, and it looked like the words warmed him from the inside out. you figured, maybe, you'd push your luck. "god forbid you show a little skin."
the silence rumbled. it was dark, but it was as if you could feel the heat of his blush, felt it on your own face like a creamy foundation. "easy, trouble," he said, and it was quiet, hoarse.
soon enough he was holding the door of his apartment open, as he had so many times before, then he was leading you into his bedroom, but it felt so different, for some reason, so much heavier, harder, more heated.
you took your spot on the floor, spread out your notes, planning to get a little bit of studying done, as you knew you wouldn't finish any schoolwork tomorrow, with all the running around you were going to be doing. he took his spot across from you, maybe a little bit closer, which you pretended not to notice.
time passed as it usually did, in this situation, at this hour, in his company.
but then you'd catch him looking at you, feel it like a blistering singe, would look up to meet his gaze, only to find it back down on his homework, like the movement of your head was enough to scare him back into routine.
and then it happened again, and he wasn't even looking at your face, this time, he was staring at your middle, your body, which he never did, and you wanted to throw something at him, tell him to stop, please, because you couldn't handle it. his longing was too much to take, the way it was seeping through the walls like a aphrodisiac. if it was a challenge to keep your hands to yourself under normal circumstances, it was almost impossible, now, when he was hiding his want so poorly, almost like he wasn't trying to hide it at all.
the third time it happened, you cleared your throat. it was making you sort of nervous, and it was definitely getting your hopes up. "you starin' at me, joey?" you asked, not accusatory.
"sorry," he said, immediately, didn't meet your eyes.
you tilted your head. "that's the second time you've done that," you observed.
he looked up, at that. "what?"
"that's the second time you've lied to me about being sorry."
he swallowed, and your eyes tracked the motion. his flush was that of guilt, maybe a dull sort of shame.
"why're you embarrassed?" you asked, shifting a bit closer to him. "you're allowed to look at me, you know."
his blue eyes swam with promise as he let out what looked like a soft sigh of relief. "i am?" he asked.
you nodded, felt a little mean. maybe it was the fact that it had been months since his lips had been on yours, and the memory still sparked a fire inside of you. maybe it was the fact that you'd been so patient, maybe it was that you had a feeling the sight of you in his button-down, a little tight in the chest and by the hips, was making his throat dry. "you're allowed, joey, because we're such good friends."
something like a grunt rumbled in his throat, involuntary, and you squinted at him. you were right in front of him, now, sitting on your heels, watching his indecision weigh on him like a boulder between his shoulder blades.
"what?" you asked, the picture of innocence. "what's wrong?"
"nothing, sweetheart," he said, breathy, "nothing's wrong, it's just that-"
"what?" you pushed.
he didn't continue, just swallowed around his words, rested his elbows on his bent knees, notebooks strewn to the side.
you gave a little pout, leaned forward, so close, now, you could see the faint gold in the blue of his eyes. "don't like being my friend, joey?"
"no, i do-" he rushed, but you cut him off again.
"'ve been so good," you said, because it was true, "and you're being mean."
this seemed to sober him up, to turn his words to steel, steady and honest. this seemed to tap into a well of confidence you didn't even know he possessed, because he leaned forward, too, reached a broad hand out, brushed his thumb against your cheekbone, making your breath catch in your throat.
"i like being your friend," he said, and the words were like a soothing balm to your scorched reputation. then his gaze rippled with heat, and you remembered how you had gotten that reputation in the first place. he gave you a knowing sort of look. "but i want to kiss you, sweetheart. so badly."
you could have cried with relief, could have slapped him in the face for taking so long, could have made him wait a little bit longer just to be cruel, but instead, you just wrapped your arms around his neck, shifted forward, let him make space for you until your knees straddled his hips.
it felt like something religious that he was the one that pulled you closer, by your hips, that he was the one to dip his head down and meet you in a kiss that felt, simultaneously, like opening a door marked do not enter and finally, finally, coming home.
you tugged lightly at his hair, just wanting him closer, just wanting him as close as you could get him. his grip on one of your hips grew firm, confident, as the other hand splayed out on the side of your face, rough and warm.
you sighed into his mouth, because he tasted like how you remembered, like cool mint, and because he smelled so good, and because you felt so perfect, so safe.
his teeth knocked against yours, and his rhythm was off, and you had the feeling he was holding back, a little, but all of that was so him, was exactly the imperfect kiss you had been fixating on, but this time with the added passion of knowing him so genuinely, so deeply.
you dug a knuckle into his neck, worked at the knots under your touch. your movements grew slow, languished, lazy, as you softly rocked your hips against him, relished in the groan you pulled from him, making you pull away, just a little, feel him breathe heavy against you, his eyelids heavy. "so stiff, joey," you said, "relax for me, yeah?"
"yeah." he nodded, whined, slightly, when you shifted back and forth again. when his eyes caught yours again, there was something new there, a deeper desire, a question.
you leaned forwards, pressed your mouth messily to his jaw, down his neck. "just ask me," you said, between kisses, "you're allowed, baby, just ask me."
his voice was dazed, like it was hard to focus with your lips on his neck, with you grinding against him. you could feel him, firm and hard, underneath you. "just need," he tried, "just need something, sweetheart, please."
you pulled back, slightly, rested your cheek on his shoulder, giving you both a moment to catch your breath. "don't wanna rush you," you said into his collarbone, because you meant it, because it was important. "but 'll give you anything you want."
it felt so odd to even have to say that, because it seemed that everyone you'd been with, before, had already assumed this of you, that of course you'd give them anything, everything, because you were you, with that face, with that flirtatious smile, with that history.
it felt so lovely, to feel compelled to have to clarify that for him. because of course you would give him anything, everything, every single part of yourself, if he'd only ask.
he clasped his hands behind your back, exhaled slowly. "thank you," he whispered, and it broke your heart into a million pieces. when was the last time someone had thanked you for offering yourself up, like this? why did it almost make you want to cry?
"what do you want, baby?" you asked, running your nails along his neck, after his words had hardened around your heart like crystal, somehow still silken-soft. "will you let me make you feel good, hm? can i?"
you felt him take a deep breath against your chest. "please, sweetheart," he rasped. "please, need you, so bad."
"yeah?" you asked, shifting up and off of him, now kneeling beside his lap. "can i touch you?"
he nodded, and the heat in his eyes burned you. "please."
you reached a delicate hand forward, palmed his cock over his clothes, gentle, found him so hard and hot, while he hissed at first contact. "makin' me wait so long, baby, and you've been needin' me, too?" you teased, a soft grin on your swollen lips as you pulled him out fully, ran your hand along the length of him.
"'m sorry, sweetheart," he breathed, and it seemed funny, apologizing, then. "just wanted t'do the right thing."
you hummed, pumped him up and down, slowly, spit onto his length, kept going. "right thing, hm?" he nodded. "didn't feel right to me, baby," you said, picking up your pace, your grip wet and firm. he huffed, and his thighs tensed. "know what feels right?"
"what?" he asked, eyes pleading, practically spellbound by you, your steady stream of words, so different from him, rendered basically speechless.
"your cock in my hand," you answered, and of all things, he blushed. you bit your lip, because you had a feeling your word choice was the reason. you were pretty sure that, despite the circumstances, the thing that had your clean-tongued prince flustered was your dirty mouth. you pulled your touch away, let his eager hands help you out of his button down, your shirt underneath.
when you looked at him again, he was looking at you, already, with a galaxy in his eyes.
"what?" you asked, your mouth quirking up.
he laughed, lightly, shook his head. "just so pretty, sweetheart," he said, "just so, so pretty."
you scrunched up your face, but didn't hide your delighted smile as you went to kiss him on the jaw, hoisting your leg up and over him until you hovered above his lap. "pretty enough to fuck?" you asked, against his neck, right by his ear, and you smiled at the jolt of his hips, the shake of his breath. "tell me."
his hand braced the back of your neck, gave the softest rumble of a laugh, like whatever he was about to say was above him, like it was incomprehensible. "can i fuck you, trouble?" he asked, and you laughed, too, because the curse sounded so foreign on his lips.
it was something lovely to be laughing, with someone you trusted wholly, like this. with someone who thought, all that time ago, that you were a princess.
"watch your mouth, joey," you teased, giving him a false look of depravity as you reached under you, gripped him again, angled his cock to your core.
"such a," he began, his breath hitching when you began to sink down on him, "such a bad influence."
you groaned at the stretch as you pushed yourself down further, felt the burn of it in your throat, in your toes. you sucked on your teeth, had to close your eyes for a second as you clung to his neck for support.
finally, all the way in, you stayed still for a moment, adjusting, letting him adjust to you.
"this okay?" you whispered into his shoulder.
there was a pause. "you're perfect," he said, so genuinely it hurt. "feel so good, sweetheart."
you smiled. "can i move, baby?" he surprised you, then, answering you by gripping you harder and angling his hips up into you, slow and deep. you groaned at the sensation, fluttering in your stomach. "so good, joey," you breathed, then smiled, your tone turning devious when his other hand rooted in your hair, hard, steady. "fast learner, hm?" you asked, "already know what i like?"
his pace stuttered, but you met him thrust for thrust, up and down. "show me," he said, almost whiny, a slight sheen on the high points of his face, a flush on his neck and nose. "show me what you like, sweetheart." his eyes flooded with meaning. "want this t'be good for you, hm?"
your chest could have cracked open, because you couldn't remember the last time someone had wanted that, never mind voiced it to you. who would you be to deny him that?
you kissed his shoulder, showed him just how hard to tug at your hair. "you're so good to me, baby," you said, "too good to me, yeah?" you placed your palm over his hand, on your hip, moved it to your clit, showed him how to touch you. the friction made you clench around him, forcing a whimper from your mouth, a throaty groan from his as you both picked up your pace.
time didn't feel real, you supposed it never had, in this room. it had seemed irrelevant when you were working on mechanics problems for physics while he drafted papers for eastern european history, and it seemed irrelevant now, too.
for seconds or minutes or months, you felt yourself spiraling closer and closer, heat building inside of you as his thrusts grew jerky, as his breathing heaved, as the friction of his hand against your clit made you delirious.
your thighs felt hot with exertion as you moaned. "gonna make me cum, joey," you said, at some point, dreamy, "so deep inside of me, baby, feel you here." you placed a palm on your lower stomach to show him, pushed down, relished in the pressurized sensation.
"'m so close," he breathed, "so perfect, sweetheart, right there."
"fuck, let me have it," you pleaded, so warm and wet around him. "want it so bad, baby, let me feel you. let me take it."
he came apart at your words, his muscles tensing abruptly under your palms as his orgasm triggered your own, so sudden and staggering you swore your teeth were chattering. your head collapsed onto his shoulder as your eyes squeezed shut and he wrapped his arms around your back, holding you tight against his chest.
his shoulder was just barely damp with sweat under your cheek, and the air felt humid, heavy, like you could cup it in a palm.
when you opened your eyes, your flighty gaze caught on something shiny, just next to his desk, which had been taken over with completed lego sets. hanging on his open closet door was his tiara, you realized, from all those months ago. from before all the friendship and pining and making kingdoms out of bedroom floors.
it was sort of funny, how something like a cheap plastic crown could mean so much. if he hadn't worn it, what then? would any of this have even happened? if you hadn't reached up to straighten him out? hadn't made some joke about not being able to?
you laughed into him, and you could hear his smile. "what?" he rasped, making you look up at him. he looked straight out of a classical art museum, some kind of angel in acrylic, painted by a god-fearing sinner, all blushy cheeks and big, forgiving eyes, corded shoulders and lips wet with spit.
you massaged the back of his shoulders with a careful hand. "remember when you thought i was a princess?" you mused, the memory at the front of your mind.
"'course," he said. "most beautiful girl i'd ever seen."
you closed your eyes, exhaled, opened them again. "i was dressed as a wench," you said, but the joking tone you'd aimed for sounded dumb, following his honest confession.
he just smiled, a sliver of perfect teeth through pink lips. "don't know, trouble," he said, "pretty sure i know i princess when i see one. i was a prince, after all."
you hit him lightly on the chest, laughed. "i guess you know what you're talking about then, hm?"
he hummed. "oh, yeah," he confirmed, rubbing circles with his thumb into your lower back, "'specially when i'm talking about you."
and you thought, for the first time in a while, that maybe, to have someone talk about you wouldn't be a bad thing. that, perhaps, to have this somebody talk about you would be something quite special.
tomorrow, it would be daylight, and it would be busy, and the world would speed up again. tomorrow, benji would be late, of course, and bobby would mess up the chords to the interlude, and jenny would absolutely nail her first lead role. tomorrow, matt and simon would make a bunch of crude jokes and benji's freshman would give him a fruit basket to thank him for his leadership, and the theatre director would cry, because of how wonderful the production went.
tomorrow, a lot would happen.
but, tonight, there was just the boring prince of legos and piano keys, holding the unbecoming princess of bedpost notches and pleats. tonight, they resided over the kingdom of bad influence and embarrassed flushes.
and tonight, the kingdom was finally quiet.
fin.
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myheadhurtscutely · 3 months
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i'm craving some fluff with sam monroe rn. sharing my thoughts and curious for yours?? just rambling lol ❤️❤️❤️
listening to music in sam's room with him, maybe getting ready for something? a concert? and fixing his makeup, his hands unable to leave your hips as you work. ofc his eyes are glued to your lips (and occasionally drift down to your tits) and there's just a soft, unspoken connection between you two. i'm imagining he listens to The Cure (idk if it's really his type of music i'm not all into that culture ngl) and it's just a gentle scene. ofc later on after the concert is over (or whatever event) he can't help but wanna make out with you, maybe you're sitting on his lap in his car. maybe there's a bit of tension- but you two make out until the sun comes up, and return to your respective houses with the both of your makeup messed up. i also feel like he's the type to either be too nervous to hold onto you in public when he's sober, but if he's had anything at all he's all grabby and aggressive with it. I think he'd get jealous a lot when he's not sober too. Definitely the type to get into a fight if he thinks some guy is looking at you too much.
idk if it's too in character but i love my emo bf💋
friends to lovers?Sam Monroe x Reader
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wc' 878
Warnings! mention of a tiny bit of violence, marijuana use, sexual implications but nothing crazy. crazy amounts of fluff tbh.
LORD HAVE MERCY THANK YOU
i love this.
you and sam are best buds, like comfortable silence type close. You have always gone to concerts together and what not. You were both the social rejects, and that was okay. Because you had each other.
whilst the friendship was cute and close, it was extremely abnormal in some ways like you laying on his chest after school in his room while he showed you some underground pierce the veil and souxie and the banshees. He knew you liked them so he would do everything he could to peak your interest. His odd fixation with your body, lips, and face was not a friend kind of normal either.
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You and sam had eagerly been waiting for months. concert tickets ready. and outfits picked and packed. It was your guys favorite band and some how you had snagged tickets a couple months back for a birthday gift to sam. He obviously was overjoyed when you surprised him with this. it gave him a reason to be delusional. he'd often lie awake, listening to your breathing on the other end of the phone whilst you slept, practicing his confession.
Today was the day. Sam came over with his pre rolls, tickets, and his dingy old eyeliner stick. He tried to fix his hair up a bit so he could look good for you guys wouldn't have to loose anymore time getting ready.
You opened the door to your room, guiding him to your bed to sit where he's sat countless times before. "go ahead and light one while i get my stuff ready." Sam might as well been in a trance, not listening to a word you said. you looked perfect. You were already ready to go, make up, hair, outfit, all perfect in everyway.
Sam fumbled with his joint and lighter after finally coming back down to earth and recalling what you told him. You and him both took drags of it as you put your pallets near you on the bed, sitting yourself on sams lap. His head leaned back against the pillow to look at your pretty face hanging over him.
sams hands naturally rested on your hips, like every other time you did his makeup but this time was different. His hands drug up your sides, his mind falling between his imagination and reality. He had done this a million times in his head, though he'd never admit it. He couldn't fathom how soft and beautiful you were sat on his waist like that. He hoped you didn't notice the prodding object growing underneath you. He had always told you it just does that when he's high. You shrugged it off.
His lips were mere inches from yours as you gently smudged his liner, looking up closely to make sure your work was perfect. He couldn't do anything but smile. even with his eyes closed he felt your divine prescence warming up his insides.
Your lips quickly brushed his cheek as you excitedly praised your handy work, urging him to look at the mirror. His face was beat red, almost as if you smacked the fuck out of him and left the imprint of you. He smiled the whole way to the concert.
"have you ever shot gunned before?" you asked him in the back of the taxi with a plotting grin, joint slowly burning in your hand.
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the ride back home after the concert was quiet. you and sam had gotten the both of you kicked out.
Some guy had tried to dance with you, and eventually went as far as to borderline grope you. In no world would sam let that happen, so in response, he busted him in the face. you were quick to follow with a swift kick to his gut as he was knelt at your feet. so now here you were. back in the taxi, already on the way back home
Neither of you knew what to say. You felt bad cause it was sams birthday gift, and he felt bad cause he couldn't imagine how distressing that must've been.. and did you see him differently?
your hand slowly slid over to his in the backseat. you both knew peace in that moment. everything was ok. tired eyes met the others as you both give crooked smiles, to further affirm your feelings.
you and sam took turns, brushing each others thumbs the rest of the way.
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You and sam didn't wanna go home yet. The taxi driver dropped you off at your car in the lot near home, and you both escaped the frigid air by climbing inside. The backseat was pretty empty except for some blankets and a couple of sams clothes from the last sleepover.
The both of you climbed to the back, seeing as neither of you planned on getting home for the rest of the night, feeling too weary and disoriented to travel any longer, much less separate for the night.
A cold chill shook you against sam as your body laid in between his, propped up against the passenger door. "Cold?" Sam asked, rubbing his hands up your arms, sliding over your goosebumps.
Sam adjusted himself sliding off his oversized jacket, opting to make it a blanket for you instead. As the hum of cars passed you both by, and the rain pattered on the windows of the car, he pressed soft kisses to the crown of your head.
note' i know this wasnt exactly what you had in mind but i loved this idea and i kinda ran with it, tysm!
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dekusleftsock · 5 months
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I thought everyone was exaggerating when people kept bringing up the whole “bakugou says he’s Kacchan bc of kaminari” thing, but they actually believe that… what?
WHAT
Literally how do you guys function
AND THEY CALL ME DELULU???????
It’s such a stretch too. Like “oh yeah he said Kacchan no Bakugou in this movie” ITS NOT EVEN IN THE MANGA HELLO???
The whole reason Kaminari calls Katsuki Kacchan is because he’s making fun of him. It’s poking fun at the fact that Katsuki can’t say anything or get mad at Kaminari because then it would raise the question, “Well why can Midoriya say it?”
He literally side eyes him every time he does it but ultimately doesn’t react because he can’t. He can’t if he wants to keep up the act that he is uninterested in what Izuku represents, who he is.
SO WHY, IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK, WOULD IT BE KAMINARI?
WHO is present in this battle?
WHO is the person that made eye contact with him the second he woke up?
WHO is the one that grabbed his hand immediately upon Katsuki flinging himself towards them??
I don’t think THEY even believe it either, I think it’s just some way to cope and explain away the fact that this moment is inherently romantic.
Because I don’t think he’s making fun of the name Kacchan, I think he’s wearing it proudly. I don’t think it’s a joke at all. It’s a joke in the disbelieving way—the way you act when you’ve made an enormous accomplishment or won some prize, and you just can’t help but act absolutely insane at the fact. Because it’s funny that you’re here, in this situation. It’s hilarious in that disbelieving way.
Because he’s laughing at the truth, he’s been laughing at nothing this ENTIRE CHAPTER.
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“Ouch! Haha! I’m so fast!”
“I can’t even stop! Ha! Ouch!”
Note: (I’m not using the official translations because for some reason they lack the maniacal crazed laughter and I’m confused as to why?? I even checked with pikahlua and they specified that there was laughing so…. I’m confused.)
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What’s even weirder about this is the fact that afo also says (in pikahlua’s translations) “just who is this brat?!” Instead of “what is wrong with him” which implies less crazed bakugou ness imo. Confused as to why, again.
Because this can’t be happening.
Now, I know it could very well be him teasing afo and calling him dumb, saying basically “you’re too young/old to even know how to pronounce my name, use Kacchan instead like the child you are.” Especially since in the context of names like Katsuki’s, he has that tsu sound that can be hard for children to pronounce. (I’m not 100% on this but I’m pretty sure that the u sound is also meant to be silent since it’s a double consonant. So Katsuki’s name is technically pronounced “Ka-ts-ki”)
BUT IDK I THINK HES JUST FUCKED AND A LITTLE CRAZY RN!
That maniacal laughter at the fact that he’s in pain, the disbelief that he may even surpass Izuku, to me it’s holding a double meaning. The meaning that afo is dumb and needs to be treated like the child he is, and the meaning behind the fact that it’s a name Izuku owns for him. That’s his.
It can be both.
It’s not fucking Kaminari. It was never Kaminari. Even if you don’t read it as the second definition it’s still not about Kaminari.
But it’s also undeniable that it has to do with Izuku some way some how.
I also believe that the western side of the fandom is making an extra big deal out of this because, to us, we don’t really have a proper understanding of what a nickname like Kacchan means in its cultural context.
We can TRY to understand, comparing it to endings with ie or y given to children, and then sometimes going with that nickname into adulthood, but it still has its own distinct cultural context. Because a name like “Gracie” over “Grace” does to an extent sound childish, but I have a feeling that -chan has its own childish feeling. There’s a reason none of Katsuki’s other friends in middle school call him Kacchan, and there’s a reason Kaminari decides to make fun of him for the name in the first place.
I just think it’s important to use our thinking brains before we start yapping about things we don’t quite understand yet :)
Like it’s so unbelievably important to understand that horikoshi won’t tell you what’s happening in his story and why, he’ll show you instead BECAUSE HES A GOOD FUCKING WRITER
If it was about Kaminari, he would have specified, but he didn’t. He showed you that Kacchan is Izuku’s nickname for Katsuki, and he showed you that Katsuki cared more about Izuku than he let on for a long time. Just like he showed you that Izuku pushes down his emotions, showed you that Izuku struggles with projection and anger, showed you that Ochako was the one with this crush and not Izuku, and showed you that the feelings he had about Katsuki were deeper than anyone had realized.
He showed you parallels, he specified the important parallels that you absolutely had to see as a viewer (ex toga and ochako), just as he showed you the ones that were more subtle but still there (ex toga and deku). He showed you the pieces, and that doesn’t make his character’s underdeveloped or unspecified, that’s just how writing fucking works. “Good writing” DOESNT MEAN that you have to be pulled along through your baby steps with your hand held, the fact that you don’t get it is on you. Reading comprehension is a learned skill that has to be practiced over and over again, and that is not the writers job. The writer is only supposed to deliver you their story, and however you decide to misconstrue that story is, and hear me out friends, on you.
So I’m sorry if I’m tired of hearing arguments like “toga is a predator and Horikoshi wrote her to be horny”… she’s supposed to represent love. I’m sorry if the representation he made of love was uncomfortable for you, but maybe that’s the point? Because she’s an outcast? Because she’s supposed to be hard to empathize with, but that we have to empathize in the first place?
Arguments like “Katsuki was referencing a joke about Kaminari bc Kaminari said this in this movie” is just about the largest fucking reach I’ve ever seen. And I know, I know that when bkdk eventually get their implied or canonical ending that people are going to be mad. They’ll blame shippers for pressuring him, or they’ll say he’s a bad writer, or they’ll send him homophobic slurs because “how dare the character I see myself in be gay”. And I’m done with the stupidity and lack of common god damn sense.
So if you are going to be upset by the fact that you’re going to be proven wrong, then I again say, it’s on you.
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edapparently · 5 months
Text
James Somerton Sucks For Many Reasons. But Also His Opinion On Heartstopper...
Ok so I was watching Todd in the Shadows' video on fact-checking James Somerton's vids (of course after having watched Hbomberguy's video). And a clip played of James lying (again) about straight white women complaining about a gay show. Except he mentions at the end of the sentence that these supposed people were "exposed to gay content for the first time in their lives via Heartstopper".
19:18 - https://youtu.be/A6_LW1PkmnY?t=1158
Now idk if that was supposed to be a joke or if that reflects any of his actual opinions on it (it's not like he's known for telling the truth anyway now tho)
But I'd just like to say anyway [this ties back into James I swear just bear with me]
I'm 18 years old now and I'm still dealing with issues cause by the homophobia I experienced in high school. And one of the few things that got me through it was when I got the first volume of Hearstopper when I was 16. And that actually was MY first real exposer to properly gay content. ME. Another gay boy. Not a straight woman.
And not only that, but it was the first time that I took in a piece of media and could honestly say "I see myself in this"
It was the first time I felt really seen and felt like I had my issues understood. And even as I've gotten slightly older through the two years, they've still been able to help me.
My friends will know that I've been struggling a lot with certain mental health issues that affect my physical health too. And I only realised how bad my problem really is and how much its been affecting me when I read volumes 3 and 4 and saw Charlie dealing with almost the exact same problem. I had been in such denial about it and worrying that it wasn't even real that I hadn't even considered it. But reading about him suffering from and eventually admitting to his problem and trying to get help made me think about what I had been experiencing. And gave me some perspective as to what exactly was happening in head and to my body.
The reason I'm saying all this is because I'm trying to show that these books about gay teenagers are REALLY good at portraying the experiences of gay teenagers. (At least based on my own personal life, Ik it could be very different for others and that's still valid) and they made me understand that what I had been through and am still dealing with because of that; are not isolated incidents and that I am not alone.
And James... someone who tried to give off the impression that he knows a lot about queer culture. Used it as an example of mindless romance fluff...
Which I think shows:
His lack of understanding of what it is actually like growing up as a gay boy in our current time. (Again, not trying to speak for everyone but it's very accurate to my own life)
And
2. His unwillingness/disinterest to look into what the books actually contain and how readers may respond to it.
[Also I just realised after typing all this that he could have meant the Netflix show, which imo wasn't as good but I think my point still stands?]
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AITA for making my mom’s boyfriend feel bad on purpose?
disclaimer: my parents have an open marriage
so i (20m, northern cheyenne) don’t have a problem with the modern celebration of thanksgiving.
really. i don’t.
the whole “pilgrims and indians” schtick is gross, but i find that generally, outside of elementary schools, nobody thinks about that part very much. people mostly just want to see their families and eat weird food. and i fucks w that.
the problem comes in with my mom’s boyfriend.
my mom (52f) is white, but she’s been married to my dad (53m) who is also northern cheyenne for 26 years. she’s the DEI coordinator for our county’s public school system and she’s one of my favorite most trusted shire people ever. so i never really have to censor myself around her. i can make jokes and complain and vent and etc etc etc. she’ll always listen.
her BOYFRIEND though.
i really do like my mom’s boyfriend (41m). he’s super cool, recommends good books, teaches me about plumbing, all sorts of other Manly Step Dad Shit (/hj).
but he is decidedly extremely caucasian. like so white.
he’s not /racist/ but he’s that in-between that a lot of white people are where they’re never mean, but you gotta watch what you say around them bc they bruise like a two week old apple.
there have been a few instances where i have in fact bruised his sensitive white man apple skin.
1) i was listening to a podcast with my mom about people indigenous to Hawai’i protecting Mauna Kea. we were listening to it out loud in our living room, and her boyfriend came in and listened for a few minutes before asking me to turn it off because it was “depressing”. fair enough. i figured he was having a rough day and i turned it off. (side note, it was All My Relations, “For the Love of the Mauna”.)
2) we were driving somewhere and trading off command of the AUX. i put on a song by Nahko and Medicine for the People, specifically their parody of “My Country Tis of Thee”. he again said he didn’t like it, it was depressing, and could I please turn it off. i did.
3) this is where i’m the asshole. we’re planning for thanksgiving, and i mentioned wanting to do a anticolonial thanksgiving. we’d watch some stuff about the wampanoag tribe (first contact tribe at plymouth rock), i’d make frybread and fried squash blossoms (along w my mom who would make the thanksgiving basics) we’d have a grand old time. her boyfriend asks why we can’t just enjoy thanksgiving without making it too political.
i’m like. that’s not political? it’s cultural?
and he says that to him it feels self flagellating and it would make him feel bad.
and i said honestly? the idea of thanksgiving’s history makes Me feel bad. and not to complain dude, but as an american indian, it’s always about you, and never, ever about me. so truly, i don’t care if you feel bad. we’re not doing a fucking colonized thanksgiving in this house. so if you’re just here for that sham bullshit, go and stay gone.
my mom says she agrees with me that an attempt at a decolonized thanksgiving is a good idea and a good compromise for our mixed family, but that i was way too harsh on her boyfriend and should’ve tried explaining in a kinder way first, since he’s really not educated on this stuff. i see where she’s coming from; i worry i might’ve scared him off of ever learning about cultural decolonization. ik it’s not my responsibility to make him care, but that doesn’t change the fact that plenty of white people are subconsciously looking for a reason not to care about natives, and by being a dick i might’ve just handed him that reason. so not only was i an asshole to him, but an asshole to my community at large by disservicing our reputation.
idk. i think i ruined thanksgiving :/
What are these acronyms?
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I saw your requests were open and I came RUNNING! I’m the one who always requests dad!tan but I have a different one this time (barely) cause I’m thinking of like dad!pietro. Would love some HCs or a short fic, whatever you want honey. Love you and your writing!!
hii!! omg it’s you!! ofc angel, love you and hope you’re well💌
DAD PIETRO HCS.
— I feel like he's a boy dad (but maybe has 3 kids? twins - boy and girl age 5 or 6?? (can't help myself) and another little boy, like 2???? idk, not completely sure?? or just one kid?? no idea where I stand on the amount tbh lol)
— (might be stereotypical dad stuff but bc it's pietro it works) loves being able to do sporty things with the oldest boy. throwing balls in the garden, taking him to sports events, watching him at school games, taking him to practice - all that kind of stuff. he might be slightly disappointed if his son isn't into sports stuff, but he won't push it or make him feel bad about it
— the twins love to hold onto him as he speeds around
— he's a fun dad but he's not careless
— he wishes he had more time with his parents and often wishes they were around so they could meet his family. big, large families are a part of his culture (I think??? like an eastern european thing??) so he often feels like he's missing out and not able to continue traditions
— (im letting wanda have her boys and vision bc im not cruel) and bc pietro and wanda are orphans, they make conscious efforts to spend lots of time together - family is very important to them both. so they like to have game nights, sunday dinners, sleepovers for the kids, days out with both their families. they want their kids to be close cousins and do tonnes of fun stuff together
— the kids love his breakfasts bc he always does so much and makes it playful
— getting the kids ready for school is fun bc he's so fast and makes games out of it
— the kids love inviting their friends over so they can show off pietro. he secretly loves how cool they think he is. "your dad is so cool. wish mine was like that" he just loves it (even if it is the thought of a 5yr old with no real ability to think for themselves)
— very good at being a dad. it's like a natural instinct to him. he's like a fun uncle but with the responsibilities of a dad
— very active with the kids. always doing something sporty/ doing something outside
— love the idea of him in pjs in the morning and one kid is just hanging off him while he’s telling another what to do/ helping with homework, and feeding the youngest
— has dad facial hair scruff (🫠)
— when you come home and pietro had the day with the kids, they’d be sleeping on him on the sofa. both kids tucked into his side, little baby on his chest and the tv is playing cartoons. it’ll be your new lock screen
— he teaches the kids sokovian, and uses terms of endearment/ everyday words in his home language so the kids pick up on it. and more importantly use it
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arachnoia · 9 months
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mode ⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ | miguel o’hara
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miguel o’hara x afab! reader
in which one of new york’s most famous models runs into an old acquaintance during a modeling gig.
had a lil drabble in mind so i wrote it!! thank you guys so so much for liking my last posts it means a lot!! tbh idk what this was but I was j writing. i’m open to write other characters but need ideas so pls drop some in my requests! formula 1 is also going to be continued v v soon!
thank you! 😪🙏🏼
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You’ve always had aspirations of becoming a model, being on a billboard along with many celebrities you admired.
The posing, the glamour, the attention.
It was a dream you’ve always had, having an insatiable hunger for it.
You drank your chai in peace as you were just finished your Pilates class. You had a photoshoot later on to model some new brand that hit social media and exploded in popularity. It could help both your public images.
“Good morning, N/n!” Jess said, giving you a hug from behind.
Jess is your roommate and has been your best friend since your freshman year in high school. The both of you bonded over American pop culture, fashion, and the immense difficulty of your freshman physics class.
She had your back when you forgot the formula for net force and when you were having emotional turmoil over your crush on Miguel O’Hara.
Everyone knew about your crush on him because who would have a crush on the physics math geek?
You.
He was scrawny, quiet, a nerd, and no one knew who he was. Until people found out you liked him, which was obvious because you would get caught staring at him from across the lunchroom multiple times.
The two of you were polar opposites socially.
You weren’t popular, to say the least, but it’s not like people didn’t know who you are. There were a decent amount of people who liked you in high school, but you only had your eye on him.
Like Jess, he was also in your physics class freshman year and caught your eye.
He’s the reason why you wanted to do modeling.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
It was junior year in your AP Lang class and you two were doing peer reviews for an essay.
You two were in a library near your high school. It was quiet until he just blurted out: “You should consider modeling, Y/n.”
Your eyes widened at his sudden compliment, “What?”
He just shrugged and pushed up his square glasses. “I’m just saying that you’d look nice on a cover of a magazine. You look the type.”
“O-Oh…Thanks?”
You mentally slapped yourself for sounding so awkward.
His face stayed as nonchalant as always, “Mhm.”
It was safe to say that there wasn’t a single word spoken after that.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Jess tied up her hair and stretched. “Do you need a ride? Isn’t the studio in Manhattan?”
You shook your head and sipped your chai, “Nope, it’s in Brooklyn. And it’s okay! I have some errands to run after the shoot if it won’t take long.”
“Alright, girl. What’s the guy’s name again? The guy that owns the brand.”
“I think his name's Gabriel?” You shrugged and took a bite out of your açaí bowl. Jess took a spoon and ate some too.
“Wow! You just take my breakfast huh?”
Jess giggled and ran back to her room, “Good luckkkk!”
You scoffed and smiled, “You bitch!”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You took the train to get to the studio and walked there.
It was a little apartment building that had some graffiti on the side of the wall. You liked how nice the graffiti was.
You went inside and knocked on the door for apartment 206.
You heard some clutter and a voice all of a sudden, “-Coming!”
The door opened to a young man, maybe in his 20s? Early 30s?
“Hi, my name is Gabriel! You’re Y/n Y/l/n? I’ve heard so much about you! You’re an amazing model. Your magazine shoot with Vogue was so nice!” he gushed.
His voice sounded really familiar but wasn’t at the same time.
“Oh thank you so much! Your brand is actually really nice! Thank you for reaching out! Can I come in?”
He rushed in and stood to the side of the door, “Of course! Come right in!”
The apartment was really nice and was a decent size. Not too big and small.
Some assistants were running around getting some clothes ready and preparing the violet backdrop with a silver desk that looked like something out of Star Wars.
You got into many different outfits which were really modern and motorsport-ish.
It reminded you of that futuristic streetwear style that’s growing these days, which was really fresh to see.
Gabriel popped in from the lounge area where you were already dressed to go home, “You did really good! Again thank you so much for coming! It’s going to do the brand so so well!”
You smiled and nodded, “Of course! It was nice meeting-“
You heard the door open and was interrupted by another voice, “Hey Gabri, you left your electronic watch at my place.”
Gabriel smiled and went over to claim his watch, punching the man in the arm, “Thanks Miggy!”
Your face twisted from a smile to a shocked expression.
“Oh! Y/n, meet my older brother, Miguel!” Gabriel said, pointing at his brother.
“Miggy, meet Y/n Y/l/n! She’s an awesome model who’s helping me promote my brand!”
He looked over to you and stared, “I’ve heard of who she is.”
You couldn’t help but have your jaw drop. Your eyes couldn’t believe it.
That scrawny, shy kid from high school was no more. He got replaced by a man with a body identical to a greek god’s, beautiful, luscious locks of chestnut hair, and gorgeous arms.
He still had his old square glasses which added charm to the rest of his outfit; a black compression shirt and grey sweatpants.
He made you feel like you were back in high school, crushing on him while he explained formulas to you.
“I said ‘hi’, Ms. Y/l/n,” he smiled, looking you up and down. You didn’t know if he was being judgmental or just observing.
“O-Oh! Hi!” You held at your hand to Miguel, who looked a slight bit amused and shook it.
“My brother here is a chemical engineer at this place, Alche-what?”
Miguel rolled his eyes and laughed, “Alchemax. And it’s nice to meet you, miss.”
Gabriel smiled and checked his phone due to it ringing loudly, “Shoot! I have to pick up some fabric I ordered. It’s the last one they have! Migs, please lock up! Good bye, Ms. Y/l/n!”
Gabriel ran out the studio and threw the keys at Miguel, who caught them quickly.
Miguel looked back at you and smiled sarcastically, “Y’know, it would’ve been nice if you weren’t eye fucking me in front of my own brother, Ms. Y/l/n.”
You felt shivers down your spine.
The way your last name rolled off his tongue was so sexy, especially with that slight accent he’s always had.
You tried to say something so you wouldn’t look like a complete idiot in front of your high school crush, “E-Excuse me…?“
“You heard me, Y/n.”
Oh fuck.
“I b-believe you’re mistaken. I would never do that in a professional setting with someone I work with.”
You mentally cheered yourself on. You weren’t sounding like an idiot anymore.
You don’t think.
He hummed and shrugged, “I didn’t think I would see you working with my brother, yet here we are. How’s life been?”
What the fuck?
How could he be so calm and asking ‘how’s life?’ after accusing you for eyefucking him.
He wasn’t wrong but it’s embarrassing.
“It’s fine. So you work at Alchemax?”
“Yeah. We’re working on something right now, but I can’t tell you.” He started chuckling and folded his arms
God, how much you loved that in high school.
Even then, he would make every single little thing so sexy.
In high school, he looked like he had never experienced a touch of a woman.
But now…
“Why not?”
He leaned down and whispered in your ear, “It’s top secret, nena.”
You looked at him from the side of your eye and he locked eyes with you.
You couldn’t deny the rough tension in the room.
His eyes were a beautiful shade of ruby red, accentuated thanks to the blinding glare of the studio lights still being on.
Then you locked your eyes to his lips. They were so full and beautiful and you wanted to kiss them.
He smiled at you and was going to pull back from his leaning position before you wrapped your arms around his neck and connected your lips to his.
You’ve been waiting since freshman year to kiss him. Who could blame you?
What you didn’t expect is for him to kiss you back, more rough and passionate.
You felt him smile a bit, making you kiss him even more.
It didn’t take long for you and Miguel to walk towards the desk, where he broke from the kiss and pushed you against the desk, ass facing him.
You were still in disbelief that you were making out with your high school crush so suddenly, making your heart pound.
You were wearing one of your favorite outfits; a black corset top and a white lace skirt you stole from Jess.
You felt him rub your ass before he spanked it under your skirt, hearing him growl a bit. “Fuck…”
He leaned towards to kiss your cheek, feeling his hard bulge from his sweatpants. “Let me make you feel good, cariño.”
Did you mention you loved it when he spoke in Spanish? You loved it when he spoke in general.
You turned around and sat on the desk as you took off your top and slid down your skirt, leaving you in your panties.
He looked at you up and down again, now with underlying lust and darkness in his eyes, “I’ve been waiting to do this since high school.”
He roughly took his shirt off and also slid down his pants, leaving you to gawk at his stunningly toned body.
“Like what you see? Careful, mi bélla, you have something aquí,” he smirked as he caressed your face.
He placed his hand on your hip and played with the string of your underwear before ripping it apart with his (abnormally?) long nails.
“That’s better,” he said as he pulled the piece of clothing off of you. He took off his boxers and as soon as he did that, you kneeled down and started rubbing on his length.
“Let me make you feel good first.” You started grazing your lips on it and kissed his swollen tip, already oozing with precum.
You put him inside your mouth and he started to gently thrust as you started to suck.
“Yeah baby, you feel so fucking good-"
You felt like gagging, taking him all, thick, long, and veiny.
It didn’t take long for him to ejaculate in your mouth, having you swallow and some of his cum spilling on the sides of your mouth.
“God, you look so sexy like this,” he whispered, brushing some of your hair away from your face. You smiled up at him as he bit his lip.
He sat you on top of the desk, legs wide open.
He started to play with your clit and inserted two fingers almost immediatly to your already wet core.
"M-Miguel...fuck."
You whimpered quietly as he started to fingerfuck you fastly.
He chuckled darkly, "If you can't handle my fingers, then I'd like to see you handle my cock."
You laughed dryly and cried out as he went even faster.
Right as you were going to come, he stopped.
"Why did you do that," you slurred, feeling high on the sexual tension.
"Don't worry, just wait."
He whispered as he kept teasing your poor clit and started to pump his dick.
"Shhhhh" he muttered as he started to insert himself inch by inch, “Estas haciendo bien, mi linda. AY DIOS-"
Your eyes widened at how much he stretched you out, and it was barely the tip. "Oh fuck, Miguel-"
"D-Don't worry, baby. You're doing good..."
You scratched at his back as you bounced again and again. "O-Oh my fucking god..."
You felt like you were in a porn movie with how loud your moans and how bright the studio lights were, accentuating every crease and muscle on Miguel’s hot body.
You couldn’t help but stare as he mindlessly rearranges your organs fucking you.
You started to hold on to his arms as he went at a violent pace.
“A-Alchemax must stress the living shit out of you, h-huh? F-FUCK!”
He smiled a bit as he went a little faster, “You can’t...imagine. Estos pinche- PUTA MADRÉ-"
You felt him twitch inside of you and release, filling you up to the brim as you released your high as well.
"Oh s-shit..."
You mumbled before covering your face, turning over to hide your face and just bent over.
He kissed your exhausted body on the desk, all sweaty and hot from your tiring activities from earlier.
As he dressed up again, he couldn’t help but stare at his masterpiece; having Y/n Y/l/n, one of New York’s most respected models, in such a slutted out position.
Bent over and trembling, filled up to the rim with his cum.
Although he was a chemical engineer at such a highly respected place such as Alchemax, he couldn't help but feel proud that he had you like this.
Just for him.
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illwilledomen · 1 year
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My Piglin Headcanons !
Piglins have a lot more body fat than humans as they often must go without food for long periods. This does not mean they are just blubbery however, as piglins have considerably more muscle mass as well, which makes them considerably stronger and more resilient in their environment.
Their large ears help dispel heat to keep cool, and also to detect prey and other piglin over vast distances.
Similar to how some humans developed yodeling to communicate over long distances, piglins have developed various vocal techniques to herd strider and hoglin and signal to other piglin tribes or bastions over the Nether’s large, precarious mountain ranges and chasms. Because it is an enclosed space, the sound can echo off of the walls and travel a great distance.
Piglin settlements and communes are often found nestled in valleys or banks, which are often cooler and shielded from the lava “oceans” heat. Their culture is entirely dependent on crimson fungus, strider and hoglin meat, and so they often set up camp near crimson forests.
Due to there being very few true plants able to survive in the nether, piglins cannot digest most vegetables from the Overworld. Their stomachs are evolved to mostly digest meat. Travelling groups of piglins often eat dense, highly nutritious foods similar to pemmican, but made from nether ingredients.
Piglin have a high resistance to multiple hallucinogenic chemicals produced by Nether fungus, having a far less potent reaction than one would see in a human. They are also immune to multiple toxins found in the flesh of native nether life forms, such as magma cubes.
Recreational hallucinogenic substances are very important to piglin culture, and has influenced their mythology, medicine and philosophy.
Inspired from the Farmers Respite mod, an expansion to farmers delight, coffee beans are one of the few native but rare plants of the nether. Due to this, piglins are the inventors of coffee, which helps keep them active and alert during long treks and hunts.
Like dolphins, when piglins sleep, a part of their brain remains awake. For unknown reasons which baffle Netherologists, entities which enter full REM sleep while in a dimension they do not originate from have a very high chance of spontaneous combustion. Due to their Overworld ancestry as wild pigs millions of years ago, Piglins have had to evolve to combat this.
Piglins have three main universal forms of language. Vocal language, which is both talking and non-speech vocalizing. Piglin sign language - which is used with extradimensional beings such as humans or Endermen as neither can physically speak piglin very well, as well as deaf or mute piglins. And finally, their written word, which consists of symbolic hieroglyphics. Stone tablets are typically used, and smaller tribes or communities may not use it.
Bastions are vastly different to other piglin communities, as they are closed religious groups. They only allow outsiders (piglin or otherwise) if it is by blood or formal invitation by a religious leader. Piglin of the bastion may be hostile toward humans and players, as humans have stolen from them in the past during tensions between piglins and human explorers, which occurred before the fall of the ancient humans.
Nearly all Piglin worship their goddess, a golden sow, which represents different things depending on what tribe you’re talking to, but usually power and honor. This may stem from the fact female aligned piglins are larger and thus considered more powerful in their society.
This is why gold is very important to them. Contrary to outdated beliefs held by old school Netherologists, gold is not a piglin currency - piglins trade goods for other goods amongst themselves, not with currency but with produce (there’s probably a word for this but idk it. Things don’t have fixed prices, you can buy a basket of mushrooms and pay that with some hoglin meat yk what I’m saying). Gold is rather a sign of respect and allyship, hence why if one wears it you will be allowed near hunting parties who may share some of their resources with you.
Piglins have a peculiar ability to detect disturbances in a soul. For example, they will be heavily psychologically affected (moreso than others) by soul sand, and may be wary of players (humans that have altered souls & can respawn) as opposed to normal humans (when they die, they die.)
Piglins raise their piglets communally and tribes are often led by an older female. Piglins, like all minecraft creatures, are intersex, and, again, like all other minecraft creatures, can alter their hormone levels naturally - a piglin that decides to remain with high levels of estrogen is what I mean when I say a female piglin.
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