#idk why i feel so sad rn

[arielluva]

yet another late night rgu related drawing, tonight we have nanami!!!

#my art #revolutionary girl utena #rgu #nanami kiryuu #i love making these quick drawings... especially bc im feeling not so good mentally rn #yarr when ye be sad fer no reason ye must draw... #idk why i went pirate for that one but. i needed to yarr #2024

[saturnaous]

I never stop thinking about them.

SEND ME ART REQUESTS BOY

#yeah this is basically an art dump #just a bunch of miscellaneous doodles #that last one is from when I first made the au. I do like. basically doodle sheets. if you understand #there's a bunch of other stuff that I marked out that's why there's a bunch of empty space at the top #if you recognize the individual things from it. no you don't. #god for some reason I think I'm fucking ALLERGIC to using reference. of like any kind #the only one I used anyreference for was the. snowball one which was a pose #also btw I'm trying to break out of a bit of art block teehee #anyways. #spenxer lou art #lou is an artist #fma au #I need to make an actual tag for this au but I'll do it later. when I pin down a name #I really like tongued alchemist. . . it's funny #roleswap au #fma #fmab #fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #alphonse elric #edward elric #traditional art #writhes around on the floor #I have a short comic idea for Ed. because I like making them talk about their feelings sometimes #but Idk if I wanna do it rn. . .we'll see #it's been on my mind #AUUAGHHUHUH Also I lost. my favorite mechanical pencil at a waffle house #I'm so fucking sad about it #I'm going to the craft store tomorrow tho so. fingers crossed #I think. I can stop now. falls to the floor and rolls away like a log

[ziipzeepzop-eez]

to be very honest I feel soso bad right now, can y'all make me smile?? 🥹

#zeepie beep and her heavy hard feelings #i feel like I'm gonna throw up in this car #work was good today but i just went on a downward spiral towards the end #idk what's wrong I'm just very vwry sad rn #can you guys js send me some positivity rn pkease i feek like dying??? idk why?????? #gosh im so sorry that sounds so bad . #i think im having a anxiety attdjcc #maybe it's the sugar rush #just hug me. virtually. please

[nikogane]

feeling kinda under the weather right neow

#anyone else #idk i just feel shit rn #sighs so hard #ok i lied #i definitely know why im sad but #Yeah #:(

[bilestat]

.

#I wish I could stop caring as easily as her #but unfortunately my feelings are just going to constantly get hurt over and over forever #when it’s obvious she doesn’t value our friendship as much as I do #I’ve learned to stop texting beyond holidays for the most part because it hurts getting disappointed when I don’t get answers #but it really fucking sucks she saw my insta story about my birthday but couldn’t bother saying anything to me #good to know where we stand #but again: idk why I’m surprised when she has not told me directly when she: #moved to my state from the opposite coast #set a wedding date and also got married #and moved a half an hour away from me #had to find that all out from the internet #so why would my birthday matter? lmao I’m an idiot #like at least she’s remembered in past years and does answer on holidays but #she hasn’t texted me first beyond my birthday last year in like two years #anyway wish I didn’t feel like crying rn #personal #to be deleted #and I feel conceited for caring but I know it’s not #and it extra sucks to still be hurt about another ex best friend that ghosted me years ago that shares my birthday so the sadness is just #inevitable #especially when combined with the fact that my dad’s birthday is in five days #so I’m just kinda sad around and on my birthday every year

[altruistic-meme]

why am i sad!!!!!!! where did it come from!!!!!!!!

#ok i know WHY im sad but like bitch we were just vibing hello???? #depression go away im just chilling leave me be #i don't wanna be sad rn!!!!!! #fuck being sad!!!!!!!!!! #i know like i need to feel it but UGH #i also need to send a message i really don't wanna send to my family :')))) #nothing like bad or life altering but i know they're gonna wanna talk to me about it and i Don't Wanna Talk About It With Them rn #so #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggghhhhhhhh #especially 2 of my sisters cus one is the one who is closest to me #and she or her gf are likely going to bring it up after i say it bc they. idk. #they CARE and ik they do but especially her gf can be very prying about things i don't wanna talk about until she gets answers #and my other sister is the only one who has any hint about what im talking about bc i told her not to ask a while ago #but the thing is she DID ask like a month later despite me explicitly asking her not to bring it up 🙃 #so i can't imagine she will respect it this time either #which is largely why i waited until i saw her for the month before sending it #SIGHHHHH i really should just get it over with #alas. i am just here to rant. #this is fine #i don't have any ice cream that SUCKS i should order some #this is an ice cream occasion #shh ac

[kithj]

Hey, hope you're doing well! Had a couple questions for you if they're not too personal:

1. Whats your favourite story you've written so far? Is it something public? Is it finished?

2. Do you have any long form non-interactive fiction you've written that's available to read? I would genuinely kill to read something like that from you

hi :-) ohh these are fun...

my favorite story is probably My NovelTM which isn't finished yet, i've written a first draft and now it's just been languishing until i can find the motivation to start a second draft. i finished the first draft in august i think, and started editing it pretty heavily before i realized i was just going to have to rewrite the whole thing again. i'm mostly having trouble with the ending, which always seems to be my problem lmfao... anyways it follows the relationship of Angel and Valerie, after Valerie has been missing for a few months and suddenly returns as a vampire with no memory of Angel or what happened over the months while she was away. it alternates between both their povs in both present day and through flashbacks.

so unfortunately for your second question, no, but i do hope to publish Angel and Valerie's story one day, either traditionally through a small press (lol here's hoping) or by self-publishing it. otherwise my only published work is what's available on my itch.io (siren's call, one day hike, etc)

i am working on a short story for vampire jam, which i'll hopefully be sharing next month. it's still in the form of interactive fiction, published in twine, but it's more of a short story than anything like blood choke or tnp. i also have a butch cowboys and zombies story i've been working on for a while, but i'm not sure when i'll get around to finishing it since it's not a priority project.

i do want to write another novel as well, a very old story i've been kicking around for years, but as usual i haven't been able to come up with an ending for it... but maybe one day.

#one thing that amazes me abt published authors is just. the way they churn out books #how do they have so many ideas.... esp when their stories are so varied #i feel like my work is very one note lmfao one day hike & blood choke & hell's holler& even my vampjamp story& the cowboy story #are all very similar. it makes me feel self conscious tbh like im just writing the same thing over and over #but whatever it's what i need to write rn to keep myself sane even if it's all jsut sad lesbians LOL #i tell myself it's helping me refine the narrative i want to perfect in hell's holler (the novel) #idk i would like to write something more happy eventually #like i want to write a YA book. everyone brace yourselves but i want to write a historical fiction during the early 2000s/2010s #it sounds silly to call it historical fiction but like. it would be #around when gay marriage was legalized in the US & the lead up to it #as well as political/cultural attitudes in the US during that time post 9/11. through a high schooler's perspective #think something like the old american girl doll stories when they were actually historical and educational rather than nostalgia bait #yes i AM bitter about the 90s twins why do you ask #anyways. yeah 👍 #ask #sproongoose

[sensazioneultra]

i love my mum and i love my cat but he's clearly not gonna get better which we knew would be the case it was only a matter of (very little) time but my mum keeps trying to buy him new different food to get him to eat and again i love them but this is breaking my heart

#he looks so so sick.. #i don't know if there's any point in trying to get him to feel better #when we know it's terminal and they gave him 35 days over 35 days ago #obviously the number is not exact i know that but it is a fact that he's so so sick #and it breaks my heart to see him like this bc if he's pain i really don't think it's good to #keep him around for our own selfish reasons #i wish so badly we could enjoy his presence for longer #but... it's. idk. it might be cruel. if he's in pain it's cruel to not end his suffering #i understand my mum i really do i was the same with our previous cat when she got old and was clearly not gonna last #and in the end i regretted waiting til it happened naturally bc i know i just prolonged her suffering #which was entirely for selfish reasons bc there was no way she'd get better #and it's the same for ripy now. it hurts so so bad i'm crying my eyes out rn #but i can only imagine how much HE is hurting. and what is the point when we know there's no chance #for him to get better #he might die later but having been in more pain for longer. why should we do that to him when he could die as peacefully as #possible with us by his side and so he can rest wherever good sweet cats go after death #idk. i feel so sad. and im here alone crying while church bells ring. and while everything feels meaningless

[chatblancofficial]

Tfw you invite someone to the friend group and their immediately better than you at everything and they're mildly condescending and kinda bulldoze you but you're too shy and wanna get along with them so you just leave and say you have a stomach ache instead of telling the truth 😅

#ooc #im very competitive but i also suck at everything so i get upset easily #:) #i feel stupid rn #like its just a game but why am i so upset over it #im a sore loser and i hate it #haha #hahahaha #haaaaha #wanna cry #it's stupid but i do #idk #i cant be held accountable for anything i post after 10:30pm #because when i stay up too late i get sad easily #idkk #felt sad might delete later #im typing so much #i should stop #vent #tw vent #ugh its literally a game i made up and i suck #uuughhh #sorry

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[sonego]

can i complain about my life again promise you all won't hate me

#(i know everyone already does most likely so i'll do it and just feel bad about it but) #it's not that i don't love my family and i'm not happy to go back home to have dinner w them and all but #god after like 3 hours i'm already exhausted #i feel bad about it but they're just SO exhausting and this house is SO suffocating #i did it i left i did it. why do i still feel trapped #quite literally can't even stomach watching football rn bc i just wanna sit in the dark under my blanket and fucking. idk. cry maybe #and it makes it all so much worse that it's so painfully obvious my mum is tired and probably sad and surely fed up w my father (and my #brother to a lesser extent) #every time i come home i just wanna say sorry. sorry i left you. sorry you're alone. you're not alone but you're alone against the world #and she dismisses my worrying bc ofc she does and i do the same with her worries we've played this dance all our lives #it's just. how do you let someone worry about you when you both know there's nothing you can do to make it better #when you both know the source of the misery and exhaustion is inescapable #god i wish it was. like. i wish this was a movie. where people actually help you in these situations. where there isn't that BIG big big #obstacle that feels wrong to even call an obstacle but it will always forever make it impossible to do anything about the problem #i wish the people who said they'd help gave even half a shit and actually did (it was their fucking job) #going from sad to angry to hopeless to exhausted every 4 seconds i'm so #the thing is i'm not gonna stop coming back home you know? i'm not i can't #i don't even want to #but i wish it wasn't so fucking soul crushing every time bc i don't wanna keep having tiring tiring weeks #and then go back home on weekends and feel the opposite of rested #ok. i should shut up. sorry. i really don't know why i'm even alive atm #delete later #i never remember to delete these (when i remember to tag them in the first place)

[milfygerard]

i should really start staying off the internet its only bad for me <- says this to myself dozens of times every day

#barry.txt #but seriously tumblr is mostly just upsetting and idk why #i need to deal w my shit its so exhausting #i just feel intensely alienated from the universe rn and spending all my time online obvs makes #everything worse #i miss my friends and im tired and sad #todays been ok but ugh

[goldenhypen]

i randomly found my old blog again and WOW ,,,, TELL ME WHY IM SAD i even stalked my old moots’ blogs too and i- 😭 the way so many things have changed since then :(

#it’s getting close to 5 years i’ve started writing fanfiction which is kinda crazy how time FLEW BY #it’s like reminiscing or looking back at old pictures #we’ve come a long way yall 🥲 #NO BUT DONT EVEN BOTHER LOOKING FOR THAT BLOG #WE DONT TALK ABOUT HER #and smth that scares me is that at least one of my old moots from that blog follows me on here so #like every time i see her in my notifs i freak out wondering if she knows it’s me 😭 #i abandoned that place and ran away for no reason 😭 #and ik to never make that mistake again 🫡 #but idk why going through my old blog makes me wanna transform this one or make a side blog #i think i’ve just been rlly wanting to start writing for other groups in addition to enha again #if i do tho it’ll v likely be on a new blog #cuz ik a lot of my followers only look for enha content on here #and that’s ok w me #ahhh i feel sad for some reason 😭 #maybe that’s cuz it’s 1:30 am rn 😐 #and this is the time of the day i get more emotional so 🧍🏻‍♀️ #no but pls don’t search for my old blog 😭🙏🏻 #i think if you search hard enough you’ll be able to tell it’s me #but it’ll be a hard task that’s not worth taking on i can promise you that #but hmmm thoughts are thinking rn #em speaks

[bbreaddog]

.

#personal #wondering all of today why I was feeling so out of sorts #went into therapy and she reminded me I literally have depression lol #which… yeah. idk how I didn’t think of that #but also only just now at 10pm did I realise #my grandpa passed away a year ago today #and I feel… some type of way about it? #sad (obviously); grief #a slice of guilt with a dollop of shame #for not remembering until now #I can’t believe it’s already been a whole year #I even thought about swinging by my grandma’s house after therapy for a visit but decided against it bc I was too drained #idk what to say about this #it’s just #very strange inside my head rn

[daz4i]

need a boyfriend but also romance is disgusting but also I'm obsessed with it and want to feel it but also i don't want to commit or feel constricted by a limited relationship but also sometimes the idea of belonging to one person is nice but also no it doesn't i am a person not an object but also yes i am or at least i would be if i could but also i would never trust anyone enough for that but also i wish i could but also

#being arospec and having bpd sure is an interesting combo let me tell you that #sometimes i wonder if my identity in that regard is tied to my bpd. like the belief i won't be able to handle a relationship #bc i know no matter how well i could ever manage my symptoms it won't be enough to make me love someone enough for a steady relationship #so i just conditioned myself into not having romantic feelings in the first place. or something #i guess. i want the good parts of a relationship. but I'm not capable of handling the other parts #which is kinda sad bc i really do want the good parts. but i don't wanna hurt anyone and ik i would #anyone includes myself bc ik if i put too much work into someone I'll absolutely get tired of at some point i will end up feeling robbed #why am i even thinking abt this rn. idk i was perusing some tags and the romantic posts on them made me 😬 #do i need to tag this as a vent. is it even a vent. ig? just not a negative one? eh jic then #vent #i should've been asleep an hour ago oof 😳

[junkdyke]

.

#i know my period is coming so i am keeping that in mind #but im just feeling so fucking sad and defeated and frustrated #like why is it so fucking hard for me to get clients i dont know what im doing wrong #like are they just ugly #feels like im never gonna be able to afford to move out of my homophobic ass house at this rate #idk if i just need to find a new studio but like i dont want to leave #and one of my “”best friends“” isnt even talking to me anymore #lol like everything just feels shitty rn #only mild encouragement is so many people looked through my flash book and kept saying “oh look how cute!” #and picked my design from the free tempt tattoos we were giving out #but then like why is it so hard to get actual CLIENTS #just rlly defeating #personal