#idk why i insist on making myself sad so often

[pepsiboyy]

starboy part 4 (final <3)

P1 P2 P3 P4

pairing: y/n x chris sturniolo

summary: y/n, born and raised in los angeles, moves across the country to boston. when she feels like she has nobody, she makes some new friends at her new job. she grows particularly close with the sturniolo triplets, where she finds a lot in common with one of them.

warnings: some fluff, angst, LOTS of cursing, and bullying :p

lowercase intentional!!!

author's note: HIII sorry i took a few days to myself to like. play video games idk that's my excuse my bad yall but FINAL PARTTT yayyy

i took a deep breath as my arms were practically wrapped around myself. i stared at the star market sign and bit my lip, slowly stepping through the automatic doors.

i quickly made my way to the customer service counter, where i saw matt clocking out. he turned to me and his eyes immediately softened. "hey, y/n," he breathed, stepping towards me.

i smiled quickly and half-heartedly before taking his spot and clocking in.

"are you okay? you left real fast yesterday, and.. i don't know, chris said he tried to reach out and-"

"yeah, i fell asleep. i didn't feel good," i mumbled, biting my lip as i tried not to let any sadness show in my expression. i turned to matt and smiled softly. "sorry for leaving so sudden. i just felt.. unwell," i mumbled.

matt slowly nodded and smiled softly. "okay, if you insist... i just want to be able to be a friend to you, nick does too, and especially chris." he chuckled. all i could do was look at him, but it looked more like i was looking through him and spacing out. matt's smile fell as he sighed. "chris also mentioned that when you guys were sitting, he got a notification from-"

"damn, y/n is here again today?" maeve's voice rang as she set her bag down and practically shoved me to the side to clock in. "guess i gotta do everything around here today." she mumbled as she side-eyed me, and i bit my lip. i couldn't do this today.

"maeve, you can't talk to her like that, she's still learning." matt told her, softly but very clearly as he sighed and gathered his things. "y/n, if you need anything, or just somebody to talk to, please reach out, okay?" he asked, and looked at me for any form of response.

"right, yeah. thanks, matt." i breathed, and he smiled at my response before stepping towards the exit.

i turned to maeve and bit my lip as she scrolled through her phone and applied pink lip gloss against her lips. she was stunning, and i was a bit envious of her long, blonde hair. i closed my eyes and let out a sigh, looking at my phone. i was a bit surprised to see some messages from who i had been dreading to see all day, and who i had hoped would have left with matt.

from: chris⭐ hey y/n, hope your shift goes well

i shuttered as i looked up at maeve. what if she was actively texting him? i turned to look around the store the best i can, and i saw chris pushing some carts inside.

damn, he was really still here.

i let out a breath as i began to straighten up around my department, seeing as it was a slow day and maeve was no help.

-

i sat in the breakroom as i stared at the wall. no music played in my ears, and nobody else sat in the room with me. i simply stared at the wall for my break. i sat and thought about all of the glances i had passed to chris, and how many times i caught him looking back. i also watched him and maeve talk quite often, which would cause my heart to clench each and every time. it didn't make sense to me. why did he pretend to care so much about me when he clearly had maeve?

"hi chris!" maeve smiled brightly and leaned against the counter to be closer to him, who was just trying to walk by and pick up a box of items.

"hey, maeve," he breathed, and she practically squealed at him, causing me to turn my head the other day and practically wince.

"whatcha got planned tonight? did you wanna go out?" maeve asked, which resulted in some silence and a deep breath.

"i'm busy tonight." he mumbled.

my back was still turned as i went through another box.

"i'm taking my fifteen, maeve. i'll be back." i breathed before swinging around on my heel and shoving past them both.

and that was why i was sitting against this worn down couch, staring at the wall. it made no sense to me. none of it.

after about thirteen minutes passed, i sighed and stood up to begin collecting my things and getting ready to head back out.

the door swung open.

"y/n, hey can we talk?" chris breathed, and i turned to the sudden sound of the door opening. since it was silent in the room, it scared me a bit more than i would have liked to admit.

"my fifteen is up, sorry." i breathed and attempted to walk past him.

i felt a hand against my own, before i turned to chris and bit my lip. facing him was really hard. my eyes welled up almost immediately, and chris picked up on it very quickly. worry rushed through his expression.

"after we close. please?" chris asked, carefully letting my arm go. i slowly nodded before i pulled away. i stood for a few moments, looking at him, biting my lip and then walking back towards the exit.

"thank fuck. about time. what were you even doing in there anyway?" maeve spat, and i turned to her. this really was not the time for her to speak to me that way, and in fact, it never was the time. "i had to deal with literally four people when you were gone. all by myself. can you do something for once and clean the place up?"

i bit my lip as i stared at her. part of me wanted to confront her, call her out and tell her that she was no help and incredibly lazy. another part of me wanted to beat her ass right then and there, but the other part of me knew that if i started any work drama, i could potentially get fired and i should keep my mouth shut.

i took in a deep breath.

"i'll get on it," i replied, moving to grab a broom.

-

11:30pm. only thirty more minutes before i had to talk with chris in the parking lot. and only thirty more minutes that i had to deal with maeve any longer.

"y/n, these don't go here. god, do you do anything right?" she muttered as she pulled out a roll of receipt paper, and i stopped what i was doing. i carefully stood up and let out a soft sigh.

"sorry, maeve. nobody told me where those go." i responded under my breath.

maeve was sitting against the counter now, looking at herself in her phone camera and once again applying lip gloss to her lips.

i watched her for a few moments before going to grab a box. it ripped, and collapsed directly into my foot and caused a loud bang.

"ow, fuck," i breathed, biting my lip as i looked down at my foot, and then at the mess i had created. stupid box.

"y/n, are you kidding me? this just adds to the list of things we have to clean up. why are you so clumsy?" she asked.

i had enough.

"can you shut the fuck up?" i spat, causing her to cover her mouth in shock. i scoffed. "all you fucking do is sit there on your goddamn phone. i have done everything today, and you left me the other day. you haven't trained me yet you expect me to know everything around here. why are you such a fucking bitch?" i raised my voice, now visibly shaking with anger. my face was red, and i felt tears brimming my eyes. "i've worked like three shifts here and you treat me like this? name one thing you've done today." i questioned, and she visibly stuttered.

"absolutely nothing," a voice rang as i looked over and saw chris standing there. "she's done nothing but text me all day."

i cringed slightly. nice way to top it off.

"but chrissy-" maeve started, to which chris immediately stopped her.

"i told you to stop calling me that, it's annoying." he muttered before he stepped towards me and began picking some of the things up that i had dropped. my face scrunched a bit in confusion as i tried to piece together what he had said.

maeve seemed to hurt, but she put on a stupid face and quickly yet sloppily grabbed her things before she stomped away to clock out.

i took in a deep breath and sighed, looking over at chris who had now finished picking everything up. "thanks.. for doing that. you didn't have to." i mumbled, looking to the side.

chris didn't respond. he stood up and looked at me, smiling like a little kid. "that was fucking awesome, didn't know you had it in you to talk like that to someone, especially on the clock?"

i smiled shyly and looked down before rubbing my eyes and chuckling slightly. "she was just getting on my nerves..."

"she does for everyone, y/n. i promise. it's okay." he breathed, and i looked at him with a soft nod. "is your foot okay?" he asked, and i shrugged.

"it's fine, i guess. hurts, but i'll live."

"i'll walk you home." chris responded, very quickly, as i looked at him and smiled softly.

"whatever you say."

-

the air was kind of heavy, if i were being honest. it was hard to even think about everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.

"y/n?"

i turned to chris as he called my name, and bit my lip. it was time to finally talk about everything.

"can you tell me what's up? why you left so suddenly last night, why you haven't answered my texts, what's wrong?" he questioned, as i simply walked beside him and let out a deep sigh.

"i just..." i took in a deep breath. i stopped walking and turned to chris. "when i moved here, i thought i had nobody. some people would be excited for a fresh start, but i dreaded every moment here. i met you, matt and nick, and realized that things may not be so bad here. especially when i'm with you," i whispered the last part, looking down at my feet.

chris had stopped walking as well, looking at me and nodding softly as he listened closely.

"after we had hung out, i truly thought that maybe i saw you as something more, and when we sat together at your place, i kind of knew from there that i for sure had something more than just the friendly thought of you." i smiled softly, and he nodded, knowing where i was going. "i like you a lot chris, i did from the moment we walked together to mcdonalds and the feelings i had for you, i thought were mutual. but then you got that text on your phone from maeve, and-"

"y/n," he breathed, stepping towards me.

i bit my lip and looked up at him, and he immediately shook his head.

"no." he almost laughed out, and i tilted my head. nothing was funny to me right now. "i don't know how she got me number. genuinely. that's reason one as to why i don't like her. reason two, she's an asshole. and reason three," he smiled softly at me as he gently brushed a few loose strands of my hair behind my ear.

with a soft lean forward and a slight tilt of the head, chris had pressed his lips to mine. i closed my eyes and leaned into the kiss, smiling softly against him. he smiled as well before carefully pulling away and moving his hands to carefully grasp mine.

"i like you."

i smiled softly and looked up at him. as we stood on the sidewalk and stared at each other, i bit my lip and shyly looked down before wrapping my arms tightly around him. "i'm sorry.." i whispered, and chris chuckled.

he wrapped his arms around me and gently rubbed my back, carefully swaying us both. he rested his head on top of mine.

"don't be sorry. you had every right to be confused and frustrated." he gently pulled away and looked at me before he carefully took my hand in his.

our fingers intertwined, as we began walking again.

"let's get you home."

HIIII HELLO THIS WAS A SHORT FANFIC BUT I HOPE YOU GUYS LIEKD ITTTTT IT'S MY FIRST THING ON TUMBLR !!!!

i am working on a matt fanfic rnnnn it'll be so awesome sauce, go read the teaser if you haven't already!!

taglist;;

@sweetbabydoe @orangeypepsi @sturniolosreads

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #chris x reader #sturniolo smut

[evenstarfalls]

Rereading Vicious because i can't control myself and i love this book so so much part 2

"He didn't often let himself indulge, but he couldn't deny that there was something simple and satisfying about using his hands" WHAT THE FUCK MAN

Poor Beth 💔

Victor's stick figures haha 10/10 ominous declaration

Eli is such a hypocrite

I feel like someone could do a really good analysis of how what happened in the flashbacks shaped them as villains. Not me but someone

them being in the some hotel is so funny until it isn't

as awful as Serena is her power sounds terrible to have like idk psychologically. it would be nice for about 30 minutes then it would make me miserable and drive me mad

I wanna hear about Eli killing someone with a bear trap

aww Victor's trying so hard not to care about them. most dysfunctional found family

VICTOR AND ELI TALKING ON THE PHONE IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL THEIR RELATIONSHIP THE TENSION THE HATE THE PINING THE OBSESSION <3 <3 <3

Mitch is a much better dad than Victor. I mean they're both trying I think but Victor is so shit at it you can barely tell

oh so I know this is the villains series but sometimes I wonder if Victor technically qualifies. I mean he definitely does in Vengeful and he's got an evil attitude but he doesn't do much evil in Vicious. Like he's almost an antihero; he does bad things in persuit of revenge. In his case revenge means destroying his serial killer ex, which is a "good" thing to do, but it's really mostly about the hatred and revenge so I kinda don't think he deserves her points for that

I think Victor went through a phase at some point in his life where he talked in a fake british accent to try to sound fancy.

Victor literally radiating an aura of "go away don't bother me" is such goals I want to be able to do that

Vicious AU where Victor and Eli don't just miss each other outside the hotel and they have a verbal battle in the hotel lobby while eating takeout

Dominic...poor boy

Victor is so dramatic like what

VIC SEEING ELI IN THE BAR I CAN'T GJSKGJKJA

"It was only the second execution she'd ever been to" bitch why do you have to say it like thatttt

Sydney was so excited to have matching phones with Victor and Mitch? Poor little girl I want to hug her

Specifically, safe had become Victor.

Specifically, safe had become Victor.

Specifically, safe had become Victor.

Good riddance Serena

I CAN BARELY EVEN READ VICTOR AND ELI REUNITED AT LAST

Sydney is a good pet owner

Victor is having so much fun

Eli being religious is terrifying and horrible and ugly and brings back such bad memories but Dominic being religious I'm just like good for you babe <3

LISTEN IK WHAT HAPPENS NEXT BUT I'M STILL SO SAD IS A WORLD WITHOUT VICTOR EVEN A WORLD AT ALL

listen just imagining the scene where the cops come in and arrest Eli is so real and dark and haunting. Eli insisting he's a hero. Blood everywhere, Victor's body. The monster, exposed before god and man. Eli panicked, yelling for them to burn the body. It's overwhelming

Victor missed Sydney's birthday 💔

Eli love why the fuck wouldn't you burn the evidence. How have you even survived this long. so smart but so dumb

HE LIVES VICTOR(<3) LIVES HE'S BACK HE'S HERE TO GIRLBOSS ANOTHER DAY

One more thought: I'm not obsessed with Eli but I'm obsessed with Victor and Victor's obsessed with Eli so i'm a little bit obsessed with Eli transitive property or whatever

god it's late oops. do i regret it no. i love this book so much. i loaned vengeful to my sister cause i'm trying to make her read it but i think i'm gonna reclaim it

#doing this instead of posting regularly on my other account oop #villains series #villains #vicious #victor vale #ve schwab #victoria schwab #eli ever #sydney clarke #serena clarke #dominic rusher #mitchell turner #evervale #i guess

[miraclerizuin]

tl;dr i have an unhealthy relationship with a tv show

hello, void!  I stumbled out of a weird anxiety-depression fog at the end of last week and I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell was up and I am dismayed to report that it seems to have something to do with supernatural

a 1000-word contemplation of Why Am I Like This.  with pet pictures (I am bribing you to read about my feelings)

when I tell people that I quit watching spn in 2011 bc it wasn’t bringing me joy anymore I feel like there’s some pieces of that process that get glossed over.

here is what it felt like: I’ve got this friend I’ve been watching season 6 with, we laughed and screamed over frontierland and the french mistake, and am I letting her down if I drop the show now?  I wanna know if sam is gonna be ok and will dean and cas ever reconcile, so will I regret it if I stop following the story?  I’ve already abandoned covert affairs and heroes and ncis and fringe, what is wrong with me that I can’t seem to stick it out with tv shows?

(and there’s a part of me like “it’s just a show, nobody cares, it’s just a show”)

when I was eighteen and lonely and hadn’t made any friends yet in college I rebuilt my entire personality around supernatural (castiel) and invested myself so deeply that my mental health became closely linked to how things were going with supernatural (castiel) and I did all of that in the space of six months and then

I realized that I just wanted it to be a different show.  not all the time!  there is still the meaning of family and the nature of destiny and fighting to have a choice even when all the choices seem bad, and making friends and making jokes and carving a strange but special sort of life out of a difficult world.  but never letting anything new take root in the status quo of Sad Man Time, so often insisting on a cold and uncaring view of the universe, so much white cis heteronormativity at a time in my life when I was opening my eyes to all the things that were not that.  and I was talking about it to anyone who would listen and what I got back was “why do you watch it if it makes you so angry”

(it’s just a show!!!  just stop watching it if you’re not having fun!)

I didn’t like the toxicity I often saw from the fandom, but I also got to know some cool people.  (a couple cool people?  maybe just one person?  jeez.) and the absolute wealth of fanfic that inspired me to think about the story and characters in new ways and to write about them myself.  there is not another thing in this world that I have written more words about, for better or for worse.  there are kind people and cool people and thoughtful people using this weird-ass show to make beautiful art.  after I quit watching, I slowly drifted away from all of it.  the fun stuff and the bullshit.

(why would anyone even have noticed that you left?  you were just lurking the whole time ffs)

so now it’s several years later, several years of me inwardly flinching anytime anyone mentioned spn in my hearing, and I decided to watch the final season.  I had this ridiculous notion that it would give me closure, and maybe if they hadn’t even aired that goddamn finale I could have had peace when I was done idk. but after all this time I was still in love with the “secret good supernatural that lives in my head” and I started trying to put it down on paper and that is how I wound up picking up the show again, roughly from where I left off.

I had learned that I didn’t have to watch every episode, no matter what my perfectionism says.  but even trying to limit myself to episodes that I hoped would “spark joy,” it quickly turned into a chore.  I wanted to know what happened, I wanted to see the parts I wanted to see without slogging through the things that bored me, the endless string of deaths of supporting characters, especially women, the frequent absence of my favorite character even after he started being credited as a series regular.

(lmao if you’re just watching for destiel you’re setting yourself up for disappointment)

and I talk about it to anyone who will listen.  my family is definitely tired of it by now (again) and I gotta give a shout-out to my friend who has never seen a single episode of spn and yet has read all my fics and listens to my rants.  a hero, an icon, an inspiration, etc, they are probably reading this and they know who they are.  it would be cool to have other fans to talk to more, but I always struggle to reach out…

I’m still loving writing about it.  and there are still parts I want to watch, but I think I’m gonna have to dial it way back.  I was treating it as research for my fics and that turned it into work.  it shouldn’t be work.  I already have a full-time job which I am being paid actual money for, and making myself miserable, like, actually miserable, in pursuit of a hobby is not part of it.

(just dump him already???)

supernatural is not, in fact, actively trying to ruin my life. it is a show that ended over a year ago that has other fans who like other things about it, probably.  my relationship to it is something I have the power to control, insofar as I have control over anything in my life.

I would be a profoundly different person if I hadn’t, as a supposedly-straight college freshman, seen a certain former tumblr user who is now a NYT bestselling author posting about these 2 sad dudes and their unintended love story and been like “hmm, that’s interesting, hope it doesn’t awaken anything in me!”

(it’s just a show it’s just a show it’s just a show)

got any spn episodes from seasons 10-14 that bring joy to your heart?  in a bad place with a show/book/movie and need to vent?   wanna hear more about my own personal secret good supernatural?  my askbox is always open & I am downtownfishies on twitter and ao3 and my current project tag here on tumblr is #keep your heart young

#uh oh she's talking about spn again #come for the pet photos; stay so i am not alone with my thoughts

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

I know WWX's death is not really addressed properly in the novel and I understand why and how it's an important thing for Wei Wuxian's characterization, what with never dwelling on the past and all that.

And I know it might also seem, due to that characterization, that the idea of suicide is not consistent with our relentless, never-give-up-always-find-a-way protagonist.

But I strongly believe that Wei Wuxian died due to an "accidental" suicide - he hadn't necessarily meant to die, but I doubt he ever tried to stop it when he realized what was happening and what kind of situation he was in, what the prospects for the future were.

His sister and her husband were dead because of him and his nephew was now orphaned. WWX knew better than anyone how that could be like.

The Wen remnants, the people he had ostracized himself for, were being killed right before his eyes and he was powerless to stop it.

The man he considered his brother led the siege against these innocent people and him, announced him as the cultivation world's number one enemy and acted accordingly.

There was nobody by his side in any way, shape or form. His sacrifices had been for nothing. Nothing at all.

He was alone, completely and entirely alone, doomed to...what? A public execution? Burning at the stake?

Why go through all of that humiliation and struggle when there's a much easier way? Why not push yourself to the absolute limits under the pretense that you're fighting back and when you inevitably break... well, it was meant to happen, right?

The Yiling Patriarch would have eventually been killed by his own demons, anyway.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #writing attempts #original thots #wwx #wei wuxian #idk why i insist on making myself sad so often

[bakuvantea]

HEY BESTIE I HOPE YOUR HAVING AN AMAZING DAY

CAN I GET SOME GENERAL HEADCANONS WITH SUNG JIN-WOO WITH A FEMALE S/O

FEEL FREE TO IGNORE BUT REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

>:)

general relationship headcanons of sung jin-woo with his beloved s/o

- warnings: none! just a tad bit of nsfw implications

- audience: I made this gender neutral, i do hope that’s okay!!

- a/n: hello >:) anonnn (may i call u that? lmao-) here’s your request love!! thank you for your kind words <33 stay heathy, stay hydrated, and always rest up okay? hope you have an amazing day ahead too!!

also idk who jacob is-

-•-

: pre-awakened jin-woo (before entering the carthenon temple)

> he was always cautious, he didn't want [you] to hear the whispers going around about how you could've chosen someone better, about how you could've loved someone that was not him. thus, he was very shy and timid, always on edge when he feels the piercing stares from his batchmates -most especially when you try to initiate physical contact with him in your school or in public, you'd see him uncomfortable and so you'd immediately stop (because you respect him, ily). behind closed doors though he would always go above and beyond in pleasing you and making you feel loved, although he always doubts himself so you always make sure to give him praises and assure him that he is the one you love (not that jerk jacob from the class next door).

> he always wears spare hair ties or hair pins around his wrists in case you forget or lose yours. in fact when its weekends -and when he's not out infiltrating dungeons and positively offering his life on a silver platter- he always tries to study new hairdos and hairstyles so he can have more variations and choices when he ties or pins your hair for you. he'd always kiss the top of your head after and you'd feel his smile as he nuzzles your hair, smelling your shampoo. since his hair is also long, you'd also return the favor and tie his hair for him. his favorite would have to be the classic apple look with a pointy lock of hair erect in the middle -he really looks like a shih tzu, adorable-

> he.blushes.so.easily !!! he is very weak to praises and your lil kisses that pepper his face. you can see him glow and you even see his smile evidently becoming wider despite him shying away from you, looking downwards to avoid your loving gaze.

> he may be sht but he is also very playful towards you, teasing you and throwing pillows at you when you’re in his room, what a baby.

> often during dates he'd always need to leave early because he really needs to earn money and g to the dungeons. although you try to offer him some of your savings or your help during the dungeon raids, he'd always reject your offer, thinking of how it may burden you or the dungeon raids may possibly hurt you. you don't listen to him though, you give some of your savings to his sister when you cross paths in your school, and you'd always register after him in raids or call up someone you know to have you join in.

"(name) why are you here?!"

"angel face, i can handle myself just fine. it's my choice to help you and whether you like it or not, i've also been called for this raid. come love, we're going in."

> you'd always take his blue hoodie and wear it. he gets so shy when you smell it.

he gets frantic when you take his hoodie and start sniffing it, exclaiming; "stop! i smell weird."

you raise an eyebrow at him, "woo, you smell fine. i like it."

he tries to stutter a remark but was silenced by your smile.

> you always try to visit his mother with him and his sister, jinah. you always talk to their mother out loud and you'd see jinah smile gently at you and jin-woo trying to stop sniffles from escaping his lips by biting them and covering his face with his hoodie.

jinah: u simp

jin-woo: shut it

> he loved cuddles! but he really likes kissing your cheeks. he loves how soft they are and he loves feeling your cheeks move when you smile or laugh at his cute antics.

> he loves you so so dear

: post-awakened jin-woo (after the events of the carthenon temple)

> oh, dear it's the monarch-

> you weren't with him when he raided the "d-rank" dungeon that then turned out to be,, well pretty much a bloodbath, so you were very worried when you heard word of the news. you and jinah basically ran to the hospital and when you caught sight of him you almost fell down from relief and pure shock in seeing the state he's in. well, not long after though suddenly he's all buff and you were really trying to make sense of what's happening.

you: hello there good sir, what in the name of fck are you doing in my boyfriend’s room all sweaty and half-naked😀

jin-woo: (name) it’s me

you: haha yes, sir ‘it’s me’ that’s a pretty weird name but i don't judge, anyways my baby boy is not here uhm haha please get out of my boyfriend’s room

jin-woo: (name) it’s really me!

you: no sir, my woo radiates baby energy, you on the other hand radiates big dilf energy, haha i do not like what i am sensing so please for the life of me leave-

(jinah had to convince you that it is indeed jin-woo, you had her stop you from trying to hold his tiddies)

> you were very happy in seeing how confident he’s become, and you were even more proud with how he still says so humble despite his new accomplishments and title.

> it was obvious that he has become distant with others and have set a boundary between him and other hunters, you accept that part of him though since you know just how much he has gone through. he may act aloof towards others but he’s still very playful and comfortable with you.

> you have also noticed another thing though, he has become a bit possessive or much protective over you and jinah. he’d always have you bring a shadow with you to guard you when he can’t be with you. also, when someone stares at you for far too long, he’d step in and go, “hey there pal” and oh gosh was that enough to get the guy running (pretty damn hot)

> you still visit his mom with him, he doesn’t cry now though.

> when he trains, you’d insist on lying down below him when he does push-ups. you’d kiss him every time he swoops down and you’d hear him laugh which then makes you giggle as you hold his cheeks between your hands

> jinah is sick of the two you, always screaming about how on earth did her brother get an s/o before her, the audacity!

> his shadows adore you, of they’d always try to impress you or get head pats when you tell jin-woo to summon them for you. you live them to bits and always thanks them for a job well done in helping jin-woo with his raids. on the first time you accompanied him for a raid -you had to bribe him with more cuddles- and you were shocked with how his sweet adorable shadows turned a full 180, becoming ruthless towards the enemies. quite a show you’d say. after though, they’re back to flocking over you, even dismissing jin-woo lmao

jin-woo, watching you give each shadows head pats: i hate it here

you: get in line then

> it may be due to his newly acquired talents and his current mental and physical prowess but he has become more perceptive towards you. he can always read you and know just what your mood is and he always tries to make you feel better by giving his whole attention to you.

> of but of course, since dear jin-woo has become quite the looker, you also notice how girls flock over to him. and especially miss hae-in (she’s very sweet yes, but hey that’s your man so like—). the moment you discovered that she left her guild to join jin-woo’s, and then confessed (well basically she did) to your man, well you were upset but really who could blame her? instead of taking your frustrations out on her and your boyfriend, you decided to just talk it out with jin-woo and ask him about how it went. the two of you cleared it out and you got kisses and maybe even more after that ;))

> you and jin-ho are menaces to society when you are together, he hates how endearing and annoying you two can be. i mean, does he really hate it? nope, he absolutely loves seeing you two interact, although his head always throbs when you two start screaming to britney, gaga, and doja.

> a tease, he has become the master of being a tease, you hate it and love it at the same time. he’d trail kisses down your neck to your thighs and leave some marks then he’d suddenly walk away while asking you what take-out you want. rude, that’s what he is. ofc he always finished what he starts tho oop-

> he always randomly bites you now, you don’t know why but it’s really cute when he starts nibbling so you let him be.

> so extra when he tells you that he loves you. he professes it in such weird but adorable ways. one time he had printed out ‘i love you so much’ on a big-ass tarpaulin and had his shadows hold it for him while he’s kneeling down smoldering at you. you hate him so much (you don’t-). or that one time he bought a bouquet basket and had a ring tied to one of the flowers, you had to take the bouquet apart since the damn ring fell to the very bottom.

> sometimes when he gets back to the agency after his dungeon raids you and jin-ho would see him all grumpy and you immediately know that either he wasn’t able to make the enemy his soldier or his coat got ruined.

jin-woo: *sad noises*

jin-ho: that’s okay, you can kill and slaughter the others and take their souls next time

you: jin-ho couldn’t you have worded that better-

over-all, he’s the bestest boyfriend, such a sweet and handsome pretty boy much strong and reliable we love him<333

-•-

- a/n: i can add more to this if you’d like!! just hit me up again lmao it’s too long now so-

#sung jin woo x reader #sung jin woo #solo leveling #solo leveling x reader #manhwa #jin woo #jinwoo #sung jinwoo #winamikobabbles #sung jinwoo x reader

[lunaastoir]

fluff/relationships w the liyue crew

characters included: xiao, childe, beidou, and zhongli

ik i forgot ningguang i promise i’ll include her in part 2, i just didn’t have time :(

all x a gn! reader 

my liyue babies :,) ft. ningguang in spirit

an: i was listening to my soft playlist (more like listening to cupid’s chokehold on repeat, no i am not basic 🔪) and i thought some fluff headcanons would be cute w these sweet people

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

xiao

ok so no surprise that he hates liyue harbor

he hates anything w a lot of people in it so he prefers to stay at wangshu inn tyvm

but by contrast, you love liyue harbor sm (it’s gorgeous i mean c’mON)

you go there often to retrieve your commissions in order to stay closer to xiao (liyue harbor is closer than mondstadt he argues but you’re well aware that they’re both equally far away)

so if anyone asked, xiao would absolutely refuse to go to the harbor like i hate people??? why would you even ask???

but,,,he’s so sOFT for you

if you asked??? he would agree in a heartbeat

but since he’s >:( angsty boy, he makes you think that he won’t go even when he’s already decided that he’s coming w you

he puts up the “if you so require, then i guess i will assist you with your travels in liyue harbor” but in reality he would definitely have said yes even without the almond tofu

while he hates the harbor, he thinks that with you anything is bearable :,) simp

you take him to see xinyan to vibe w her music and you can tell he really enjoys it

even tho he’s like 🕴 the entire time, you see the softer look on his face and the very slight smile on his lips as he listens to the music and watches the crowd

so so so cute very soft for him

i do see him as a subtly touchy person in public like brushing the hair off your face, swiping his thumb across your cheek, or gently pulling your hair back when you have a plate of food in your hands 

the type to link your pinkies together - he claims it’s so you don’t get lost but yk better 

after the concert is done you take him to that one waypoint near mt. tianheng and the both of you just watch the city lights and the way they reflect beautifully on the water surrounding the harbor 

personal headcanon that xiao absolutely loves stargazing since he believes the stars are the one true constant in his life especially since he’s experienced so much loss (basically they’ll never leave him god i hate myself why do i make everything SAD)

mini headcanon off of that - he doesn’t stargaze with people,,, like ever 

it’s something he loves to do alone so the fact that he lets you stargaze w him and even allows you to shift your head onto his lap while you watch the sky is a huge deal 

he loves it when you softly whisper abt how your day was or something you saw that made you laugh 

he just loves hearing your voice, it automatically calms the voices in his head 

you absolutely ADORE when he has flowers in his hair especially cecilias (cecillias? ceccillias? idfk) and you make a point whenever you go to mondstadt to pick a fresh batch of cecilias just for xiao while enlisting the help of your favorite bard  

these soft moments on the mountain are usually when you’ll sweetly tuck in a flower or two in his hair while laughing 

he’ll blush fiercely while looking away but will tuck the cecilias in securely as you’re unable to do so due to the position you’re in on his lap

all in all - this was not meant to come out as a date idea but we’re going w it 

this is so cute xiao pls let me put flowers in your hair sweet boy <3

childe

god, loml, my favorite war criminal after eren yeager 

there’s never a dull moment w this man - if you wanted peace and quiet, why the hell are you dating him bestie???

is the type of person to yell out “Y/N, i can’t believe i ran into you here!” if he sees you somewhere even tho you explicitly told him you were going to be here in the morning (ik you have a good memory ajax don’t lie to me 😐)

i don’t see him as being obnoxious w pda unlike someone else kaeya but he would definitely participate (think: handholding, cheek kisses, an arm around your shoulders)

loves it when he comes home and sees you in an apron cooking 

domesticity just makes his heart melt so you can be sure that your face will be peppered w a lot of kisses afterwards <3 

absolutely ADORES it when you trace his scars absentmindedly when you’re lying down or even when you’re having dinner in public  

he’s been far from his family for so long that small acts of mindless affection like this really make his heart happy 

you have him drunk on your love luv haha see what i did there 

he will let you put makeup on him. no i do not take criticism ⛄️

he already has on lowkey thick eyeliner,,, don’t be shy put some more bestie 

he will shamelessly go out in public w whatever you made him wear - doesn’t really give a shit even tho he has a reputation to maintain 

speaking of reputation,,, yk his mask? yeah that one - the red hair accessory that he has on his head

well on the mask, he attached a little charm the both of you got together on your first date during lantern rite 

it’s this adorable fox that we all shamelessly kill for meat and he placed it so it anchored to the side of his mask so when he fights it isn’t a nuisance or anything (does that make sense??? i hope it does) 

his subordinates notice and while they’re stoic around childe, behind closed doors they do whisper abt the mysterious person who’s captured his heart 

not so mysterious anymore when they literally see him cling onto you during his daily patrol around the harbor 💀

it’s ok tho he’s lucky he’s cute 

bestie,,, pls give him a neck massage 

i just KNOW he’s tense there idk something abt the way he carries himself just screams “my neck hurts so bad someone pls help me i would ask but my pride literally will not let me”

so give him a neck massage :) don’t worry tho he’ll definitely return the favor and then some

LOVES TICKLE FIGHTS 

he’s obsessed w them,,, it’s just the faces you make??? he can’t get enough 

he loves seeing the pure joy and the brief fear (he’s kind of a sadist) in your eyes before he attacks you w those damned hands 

it reminds him a lot of simpler times w his siblings and he’s happy he brings you joy and makes you forget your worries - at least for a little while 

all in all, he’s a good boy and no i will not tolerate childe slander 🔪 kaeya slander tho 😏

beidou

you pulled beidou??? wow everyone’s jealous (pulled as in literally from the banner and in this context but no i do not have beidou and no i definitely do not want to talk abt it)

god made beidou and zhongli just so all of us could have a sexuality crisis 

anyways, being w her is hard i will not lie 

not bc she isn’t a capable lover - no, quite the contrary 

she’s an amazing partner but the problem here lies in the fact that she’s almost never on land 

it’s hard working a long distance relationship but y’all love each other so it works out :,) 

when she is physically present however, expect to never be bored 

she’ll quietly fix the wrinkles on your shirt or fiddle with your fingers in her hands while she recounts her adventures out on sea 

she sometimes gets worried she bores you, however the way your eyes light up every time she tells a tale always reassures her otherwise

definitely the type to let you use her claymore if you want to learn 

she’ll provide useful tips as she tucks her hands into your sides gently, positioning you correctly so you don’t hurt yourself 

miss girl is an AMAZING cook 

i just know she cooks the best meals - i mean she’s friends w xiangling after all 

whenever she comes home from a voyage she’ll always insist on making something for you even if she’s abt to pass out 

pls tuck her into bed and promise her that she can make you something in the morning <3 the poor woman needs rest 

brings you back trinkets but they’re actually very practical 

she knows you won’t have much use for a simple charm (not that there’s anything wrong w that) but she believes you’ll like something practical more so she might get you a new engraved knife from the most recent place she’s been to 

definitely the type to surprise you when she docks 

i can imagine her anchoring her ship out a little ways from liyue harbor and rowing to the dock in order to make sure you aren’t alerted of her presence (i’m sorry the mental picture this made in my mind is SENDING ME INTO ORBIT but she means well i love you)

will take you to remote spots she’s found in her travels through liyue 

for example - the little heart shaped island and the island quest (?) that you had to use kaeya the bridge maker for in order to get to im sorry i’ll stop w the kaeya slander

she’ll get you seashell bracelets or necklaces idk why but she gives me those vIBES 

they’re super nice ones too, only the highest quality for you 

yes she’s a bruh girl but i also see her as someone who would enjoy intimate moments like watching the sunset or something 

“yo wanna catch the sunset, i heard it looks sick from the jade chamber” said before ahem it yk fell from the sky

kasdjksfashfjsahf yes ofc i would love to catch the sunset w you pls come home luv

anyways, she is a woman i would give the world for 

zhongli

ok gimme a sec i need to get my gentleman mode on 

this man,,, THIS MAN 

everything w him is so soft like your entire eXISTENCE w him could go in a museum it’s that beautiful 

in the morning when he visits you, he always brings you a cup of your favorite tea and a bouquet of glaze lilies he got from madame ping

holds the door for you, pushes the chair out for you, uses a napkin and brushes sauce off your lips when you’re eating - you name something sweet, he’s done it

secretly loves it when you fuss over him 

he doesn’t like to fight but say he encountered a group of hillichurls he couldn’t avoid and promptly defeated them but ended up tearing a part of his tux(?) (is it a tux? i could not tell you)

not that big of a deal, i mean it’s a scratch, he’s a 6,000 year old god, he’s dealt w much worse 

but seeing the worried crease in your brows as you usher him to sit at the table while quickly grabbing antiseptic to clean his wound

“it’s just a scratch, my dear. do not worry i’ve dealt with much worse.”

you quietly protest abt how “yes zhongli, i understand you’re an archon and have gotten worse injuries but i’m worried about infection just please let me take care of you ok? <3″ 

when you say that he feels weird emotions,,, wdym take care of him? 

he’s always taken care of himself or been expected to take care of others as the former ruling deity of liyue so having someone else genuinely worry abt his wellbeing creates a warm feeling in his chest 

he strikes me as the type to knit you something??? idk maybe it’s the grandpa vibes but i headcanon that he would knit you a scarf for the colder weather, it’s cute 

in the privacy of your home, he really likes picking you up

he loves it when you wrap your legs around his middle while he gets up to go do the dishes or smthg 

domesticity go brrrr

if you’re into making flower crowns, he would totally have you on his lap and wordlessly hand you a glaze lily whenever you expectantly hold your hand out while weaving the flowers together 

he expects you to make the crown for yourself but when you place the crown on his head and it fits perfectly while simultaneously tucking a glaze lily behind your ear, he looks at you dumbstruck 

his mouth parts open in awe and it’s quite literally the cutest thing

you’ve broken him 

thinks it’s the sweetest thing - will keep it on his head for the whole day 

he’ll even put it in water before he sleeps so it won’t wilt and he can wear it the next day <3 

scenic picnics!! scenic picnics!! 

the type to take you to the nicest spots in liyue to chat abt the history of the land w you over a cup of tea and your favorite food (whatever you like, he doesn’t mind)

recounts the people he’s met in his long life before finishing off by saying you’re by far the best person he’s met 

zhongli strangles lovingly come home soon 

thanks for reading! if you have any requests don’t hesitate to send them in <3 

#teethrottingfluff #xiao x reader #childe x reader #zhongli x reader #beidou x reader #genshin impact #genshin headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #childe genshin impact #zhongli genshin impact #xiao genshin impact #beidou genshin impact #genshin fluff #tartaglia #childe #kaeya #zhongli #beidou #xiao

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

idk how many people would even want to see this BUT i wanna yell about Leela and Brax so here's a list of all their scenes togethr/scenes pertainng to them that i can recall (pLEASE add on if i missed anything/ you have any additional thoughts!! i could talk about these two all day!)

right off the bat in Weapon of Choice when Leela is on the outskirts of the Citadel and Brax goes to bring her back (which is interesting in and of itself, bc usually i would imagine a chancellery guard would go do that so what made Brax decide to instead??), Leela kinda goes off at him bc she's hurting and instead of trying to actually explain what's going on Brax doesn't even try to argue he just says "we need you" which is great bc Leela has that instinctive desire to be needed and to help people and he's speaking right to that -- also as far as we know, this is Leela and Brax's first actual meeting in canon? it's implied that they know of each other, which makes sense, but it doesn't seem like they've ever directly interacted before: Brax seems almost slightly uncertain, and Leela is combative, but when he's gentle with her she's actually quite receptive

the literal next scene after that, where the OT4 is all in one room for the first time (they still kinda hate each other at this point but still !!!). Narvin explaining Gryben and being a real jerk about it and Leela (understandibly!) questions if Gryben is a prison world, and Brax (who to this point has been mostly quiet as Narvin and Romana brief Leela) jumps in to both clarify Narvin's previous xenophobic statements while also maintaining the inherent questionable/negative connotations

(btw it's actually pretty important to note that Romana self-edits herself a lot when talking to Leela, especially in the earlier seasons; you can actually hear her revising the things she says to put it in terms that she thinks Leela will better understand. and i mean she does it out of genuine consideration for her friend associate but it often comes across as varying levels of patronizing. Narvin also obviously "dumbs things down" when dealing with Leela early on, but like... Brax never does that on any level. the only difference i can tell in how he addresses Leela vs how he talks to anybody else is that he seems much more kind with her than almost anyone else???)

their conversation about the Matrix in The Inquiry: this is REALLY important (and if you've ever talked to me on ao3 i've probably gone off to you about it lol) because it's layered. they're talking about the Matrix but they're also not because in answering Leela's question Brax is making a very thinly veiled allegory (which he outright states a minute later) to Time Lord society/politicians/most importantly HIMSELF -- he's actually strangely open about his morals/beliefs in this scene and i'm living for it tbh -- and i find it very interesting that even though he does directly explain what he means ("how do you know all this?" / "because i am a politician.") he also leaves it for Leela to work out the implications. like it's a very nuanced conversation bc there's double meaning in it and most people on Gallifrey seem to think that Leela is tone-deaf and can't pick up on that stuff (even Romana sometimes oversimplifies things to her) but Brax totally just lets her take from it what she will bc he believes her intelligent enough to understand. he doesn't think her any lesser because she's human.

ALSO on a secondary note to the above: the fact that Leela has a question/needed clarification (sorry, haven't listened to this in a while i forget how it actually happened) and actively sought out Brax to talk to about it?? like she knows Romana better she could have gone to her but i feel like Leela kinda imprinted on Brax and someone she can go to for help if she needs it; maybe it's partly bc she knows he's under marginally less pressure than Romana is but also the truth of the matter is that Brax was the most genuinely helpful person to her in the previous stories and that probably means a lot to her (esp. bc he acts like the essence of everything she hates about Gallifrey but he doesn't treat her the way she would expect from that). btw this topic is gonna come up again in a hot minute

that part where Brax gives her that information that might help her re: the Andred thing, even though he really probably shouldn't have done that -- it kinda makes me think about what he must have been like with Theta tbh???

actually this is mostly my own conjecture but there's some neat stuff in Spirit bc during the *waves hand vaguely* bodyswap dream sequence thing, Romana is very "!!!! Brax can help us !!!" which is tecnically Leela brain talking, so like there's the implications of the stuff i've said above about Leela having this idea of Brax where she knows he's someone she can go to for help

can u tell i'm soft for them

Leela sounding really sad/distracted when she talks about how Brax isn't there YES i'm grasping at straws but a lot of this relationship really is conveyed through the voice acting bc of how little direct focus there is on the characters. there's actually several scenes in Mindbomb where she mentions him and she outright says that she misses him during her discussion with Matthias

that implied scene with them in Mindbomb!! i have a Lot of thoughts about that!!! it's all conjecture and fanfic fodder!!! but the reason i mention this is because it seems pretty meta that out of the whole Gally Gang, it's Leela who first sees Brax when he comes back to Gallifrey and in turn she's the first person (besides Matthias, i guess) that he sees upon his return?? idk i just feel like that's somehow a meaningful detail??? also her reaction of utter shock after spending the entire episode missing him and how worked up she is when she tries to tell Romana, like I desperately need to know what happened in this missing scene MR RICHARDS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

Leela insisting on going with Brax when Pandora starts hurting him and their whole conversation there is just. so good. like they're both just so soft and then when Darkel comes in Leela instantly goes into protective mode. like they just have such an open relationship bc Brax doesn't even try to be all pretentious with her, like he doesn't even try to keep up any facades when he's with her he's just very genuine and it really says a lot about both of them -- Leela is so good at seeing people, like getting down to the core of who people are and what makes them them (which is why she's good for Romana, btw, bc Romana has a lot of identity issues) and Brax is so tangled up in who he presents himself as that he barely knows who he actually is anymore but Leela can see that and she makes it so he can truly be himself and he doesn't have to hide. also she's so gentle with him when they talk about Pandora, she's very caring and empathetic and wants to make sure he's okay and i am WEAK

it's been a hot while since i listened to Panacea but I think i remember Brax being really soft with Leela when he first brings the gang to the Axis, like just sounding really glad to see her

ok other than the fact that Brax is lowkey relatable in Reborn (daydreaming fanfic about yourself/people you know? simping for Mary Tamm Romana? yeah mood, my man) there's that scene where they're first appraoching the Citadel on the alt!Gallifrey and it seems like none of them, and Brax specifically, have seen it from the outside in a good long while bc he's very in awe and he tells Leela that he wishes she could see it and he sounds sO hEcKiNg sOFT oh my word-

and once again with Leela thinking of Brax as someone she trusts for help: in Dissassembled when everything is going to crap she straight-up says that she wants to go find Brax bc he'll know what to do/be able to help

at the beginning of Annihilation when Romana is depressed and questioning if Brax truly was her friend and Leela INSTANTLY, NO HESITATION assures her that he was; i lost where i had her exact lines written down but she actually kinda goes off to make sure Romana gets the point

literally forcing myself to talk about this bc it makes my brain stall out but like,,, the Brax Hound in Annihilation,,, Leela being like "goodbye, Braxiatel... again" she sounds so sad and like UGH i always kinda forget how sad it actually is for them to lose Brax in Dissassembled bc like, it was so sudden and they didn't get to say goodbye and Leela is always losing people and i have many many feels about this scene and how all that emotion is made very clear in how they each respond to the Hound (might make a separate post abt this later if anyone is interested ::eyes::)

Enemy Lines is utter bullcrap about these two and I will never stop being salty about how they not only sidelined the very good, very subtle friendship they had in s1-4, but they??? made Leela acutally not trust Brax??? when literally this entire time she's been the one person who probably genuinely trusts him the most?? what the heck, David

I haven't heard TW3 or 4 yet but i'm assuming there's nothing worthwhile in those with regards to this duo (correct me if i'm wrong tho lol, i would love to be mistaken in this assumption)

TL;DR Leela and Brax mututally imprinted on each other and have probably the most open and healthy relationship within the OT4 and it is an absolute CRIME that nobody besides Gary Russell and Justin Richards cared enough to actually build on it in canon

#Lu rambles #long post #meta #Gallifrey audios #big finish audios #leela of the sevateem #chara tag: then reason is a liar #irving braxiatel #(still don't have a chara tag :(( ) #weapon of choice #the inquiry #spirit #mindbomb #panacea #reborn #dissassembled #annihilation #i relistened to Mindbomb again to factcheck myself #i forgot how much good brax-leela stuff there is in it #the last time i heard it was pre-this duo taking over my braincells #relationship: remember your heart

[ushidoux]

Not Enough - Oikawa (Haikyuu) x Reader x Gojo (JJK)

Summary: Your relationship with Oikawa feels more like a curse than anything else as it comes to a close. (~4.2k words) or tl;dr gojo is mr. steal your girl

Warnings: breakup, idk Gojo is a warning, cracky angst?, pegging mention, yandere themes

A/N: Ngl I’m patting myself on the back for making a crossover fic work somewhat LOLLLL, you can roll your eyes if you want this is hella melodramatic.

(if you wanna commission more niche things, you can always dm me <3)

---

“I-I think it’s best for us to end things here, Tooru...”

Oikawa’s fingers tightened around the cell phone in his hand at the sound of your shakily delivered proposition, and further at the abrupt pregnant pause thereafter - not because he was angry, nor afraid, but out of an all-encompassing confusion.

Two things were wrong with this situation. First of all, it was late enough for you, thousands of miles away, that he was genuinely surprised that you were still awake in the first place and the fact that your voice was thick with tears was particularly upsetting, implying that you’d been up all night before you decided to call. Second, you had to be feeling unwell because you were talking pure nonsense.

He must have not heard correctly. You wanted to ‘end things’?

End what? You and him? That couldn’t possibly happen.

Moments passed, maybe even a full minute, and Oikawa stood perfectly still in spite of the uncomfortable combination of a weightless sensation in his legs and a feverish pounding in his chest as he tried to let himself understand what you were saying. Suddenly lightheaded, he realized he had been holding his breath while you remained quiet on the other end of the line. Maybe he was hoping for you to fill the silence, but he knew you wouldn’t offer anything additional; he could tell from the single soft sniffle that betrayed your sadness.

He sucked air into his lungs.

“I... don’t know what you mean,” Oikawa replied, his voice steady even if his body wasn’t.

You continued.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore. It’s really hard… and I get so lonely, and I know it’s wrong, but sometimes it hurts to see you so happy without me…”

Your voice was smaller still, enough that he strained to hear you past the rush of blood past his temples. For a moment, he considered pretending he couldn’t hear you say such unpleasant things just so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the reality unfolding in front of him in this disdainfully sunny early afternoon, while he stood in the middle of the hallway right outside of his high rise apartment.

The fact that you had finally given up on him after all this time.

In a small way, Oikawa couldn’t blame you. While he had been gone chasing his dream, the emerging star had just as quickly been running further away from you day by day. He knew this was mostly his fault: he called you less frequently and whenever you did talk, the conversations were shorter and less substantial until you and he both felt like your interactions were a simple chore, a checkbox on his never-ending to-do list.

But yet, he could and would absolutely blame you. Long distance was hard but you had promised you’d stay by his side, hadn’t you? You’d promised him, rain or shine, through drought and storm. What could possibly be the issue now?

Even if you hurt, it would only be temporary, and he could always make up for it in full or even twice-fold. In fact, he was on his way to come see you in person this very second; it would just be mere hours before his flight would depart. Coming suddenly on holiday like this was meant to be a surprise, and his suitcase beside him was filled with gifts and souvenirs for you that would, at least partially, assuage your hurt.

At least he thought. Maybe the issue stemmed deeper, starting with the very fact that you weren’t such a fan of gifts - what you really craved was loyalty and quality time - and that too, he had chosen to ignore. Because it was easier to love you the way he wanted to love you, rather than the way you wanted to be loved.

You were often indecisive anyway. Did you ever truly know what you wanted?

“___, stop being silly. I love you -”, he paused at this last declaration for emphasis, gauging your reaction, of which you gave him none, then continued, “-and I’m coming to see you before the sun sets tomorrow,” he insisted, a stern edge in his voice to further supplant the denial that was keeping him able to breathe. Strength returning to his limbs, he resumed his path to the elevators, dragging his belongings behind him.

You were silly. You missed him and you were delirious from loneliness and sleep, and that’s why ridiculous things were coming out of your mouth, that’s all it had to be, he figured. End things? What you had was something precious and irreplaceable. Nothing could be better than what you were together.

It would be you and him for life, at least to him.

Unfortunately for you, that ideal had long since perished.

Any other time, you would have paused, your breath hitching in your throat, your heart pounding as you conjured up the image of your Tooru coming to be in your arms once more, to cross the vast distance and be yours again as it should be. He’d be quick to show you that he chose you over crowded gyms full of adoring spectators, a perfect set, the rush of victory, or a pretty Instagram model.

Any other time before, but time had run out with both you and him unsuspecting, in a flash of clear blue eyes.

---

A few months earlier...

“I’m not interested.”

Your voice was flat and so was your expression. Muttering a soft ‘excuse me’, you walked past the tall young man who had taken the fact that he’d helped you reach an item on the highest shelf (despite the fact that you were still somewhat tall, you still had struggled), as an invitation to follow you around the grocery store.

The stranger had started off indiscreetly at first, and you had to admit, when you’d passed him in the aisle, you had given him a double-take, and it wasn’t just because you were wondering how he could see the food before him with a black blindfold wrapped over his eyes, so you hadn’t thought too much of it. He was admittedly handsome - at least the lower part of his face was - and his relaxed voice and posture as he reached over and handed you your box of cereal reminded you just a smidge of your Tooru.

Your Tooru wouldn’t be caught in that nondescript dark ensemble, though.

Saying “thanks” and continuing on your merry way should have been enough. But instead, this same man had immediately started walking besides you as you pushed your cart as though he knew you, making comments about your groceries.

“I’m not particularly fond of eggs, but they’re a good source of protein.”

“You seem to have a sweet tooth, just like me!”

You probably should have been concerned about this man’s mental state, but he didn’t exactly seem harmful or delusional, just weird. But you were almost done with your shopping trip, and now he was in line with you with a single bag of chips in his hand, and it occurred to you for a while that this stranger might try to follow you home.

“Do you need something, sir?” You told him in exasperation.

He furrowed his eyebrows in mild confusion, still a smidge too close behind you and raised his bag of chips. “No, I’m fine.”

“Why are you following me?” You finally said, bolder than usual in this semi-crowded grocery store. You had had enough of being polite and you’d tried very hard so far. Today had been a long day and you just wanted to cook a meal and sleep, not argue with strangers.

“Oh, I was trying to be friendly,” he replied, shrugging, as though that were normal behavior, and thus here you were, switching lanes abruptly while making it clear to him that he needed to leave you the fuck alone.

Checking out of the store with your items occurred without incident but you had to admit you were both irritated and confused about that encounter, and again, while you didn’t exactly feel malicious intent or really any sort of ‘creepiness’ from the young man, the behavior was nevertheless alarming. You surreptitiously glanced over your shoulder just to make sure he wasn’t still in sight, only to catch him walking in the other direction, whistling again with the single bag of chips in his hand, now paid for.

Again stunned, you found yourself lost in a stare for a moment, a million questions in your head.

What was he trying to accomplish? And most importantly, how could he see with that blindfold?

What did he look like without it?

Quickly realizing your questions were getting absurd, you decided that whether he was attractive or not was a completely inconsequential thought, because the fact of the matter was that he had to be clinically insane. Absolutely.

With that thought in mind, you texted a friend briefly sparing the least salient details.

Call me in about thirty minutes if I don’t call you first. I’ll fill you in later.

Just for safety’s sake, but thankfully, you didn’t think you’d ever seen him again.

You may have brought up your odd encounter to Tooru that night, if he had managed to return your call.

---

“Go to sleep, I’ll talk to you when I land tomorrow. I love you, ____.”

Before you could protest, the line cut off abruptly and you lowered your phone to your lap. Now it was no longer just your voice wavering, but your entire body trembling as you sat over the side of your bed. You lurched forward, the pit of your stomach heavy with guilt.

Your Tooru was coming to see you and for once, he was the last person you wanted to see.

---

You had left your home a little later than usual but given that you would rather die than miss your morning coffee and croissant, you still stopped by your neighborhood bakery.

Noting that the line was a little longer than expected, you queued up, humming softly to the beats of your favorite song, not registering that the man standing before you had turned slowly in your direction and was now smiling down at you.

“Fancy seeing you here again.”

Your eyes furrowed as you looked up, then almost yelped in surprise when your eyes registered the same white-haired stranger who had stunned you at the supermarket lined up just two paces before you.

What the-

Of all the coffee shops in this city, why here? The hairs on your neck stood up on end, worse when he decided to keep speaking.

“Let me buy your coffee,” he proposed, tentatively. “Only condition is that you have to drink it with me.”

Today, the strangest of strangers almost looked normal; rather than a blindfold, his eyes were hidden by a dark pair of sunglasses and his hair had been allowed to fall into a slightly windswept cut. He was also dressed less eclectically, in a loose-necked long sleeved shirt and a pair of fitted dark jeans.

Like this, you could call him fashionable. He was definitely forward, at the very least.

He was obviously flirting and normally you would have a curt prepared answer for him, but the manner in which he leaned forward, smirking with hands on his hips, again felt too familiar. Like Tooru, who had forgotten to call you back and instead sent you a quick text that promised he’d get back to you.

If he remembered.

Before you knew it, and almost embarrassed as soon as it left your mouth, you blurted out, “I… have to go to work.”

It wasn’t a lie but for some reason it came out like one. Perhaps because what you would have normally said was, “I have a boyfriend,” without giving him a second look.

He frowned nevertheless.

“That’s too bad,” he finally said, letting out a loud sigh, excessively dramatic for the situation. You stared at him, dumbfounded, and he suddenly clasped his hands together, preparing to say something else but the barista had called for the next customer.

He made a motion for you to go before him, and flustered, you obliged, giving the barista a look that implored for help in any way he could offer it. The barista knew you well enough to ring up your order before you even asked for it, but not well enough to sense that the man behind you was actively harassing you.

“I can buy my own coffee, sir,” you murmured once you saw him rummage in his pockets and pull out his wallet while the barista went off to toast your pastry.

He grinned widely.

“Call me Satoru.”

---

“A drink for you, sir?”

The flight attendant’s voice betrayed a hint of irritation under her sweet tone of voice, hinting that she had been waiting for him to answer a while, and Oikawa realized that he had been staring at his phone for a lot longer than he expected. He flashed her his classic pearly whites before nodding, but the wheels in his head were still turning.

A mere couple of hours into the first leg of his flight back to Japan, he had taken to poring over his last few conversations with you.

Conversations that, at least from his end, had become pressured, short, and at times, he had been downright dismissive.

But he loved you - you had to understand that! It was a lot to manage:  being available for you but also giving 150% of himself to the game.

So what if he missed your calls but kept his Instagram up-to-date? So what if he was a little bit too cozy with his fans (and known to be so)?

There was always you, and you were supreme. He’d do anything for you.

“Wine?” The attendant offered him the higher octave in her voice making it clear that Oikawa had managed to charm her back into her retail persona.

Maybe a glass, but he’d limit his drinking. He wouldn’t want to disappoint you when you met.

---

You were shocked.

Satoru stopped a car that was meant to crush you, and you were still trying desperately to comprehend what had just transpired.

You were possibly too eager to escape that coffee shop, to get away from the young man whose presence both unsettled your stomach and made your face grown warm, that you’d hurried out into the crosswalk, somewhat complicated drink and slightly crisped pastry in hand, and right into the path of a car hurtling through a red light.

You didn’t have time to scream or rarely even time to drop your drink, but the impact of your carelessness and preoccupation, between him, being late to work, wondering why the fuck your boyfriend had yet again forgotten to text back, never came.

Instead, the car seemed to halt to a stop almost immediately before you, before him who now stood before you with lips held into a neutral expression, and one hand in his pocket. Even if time seemed to stop for a split second, the force that should have struck your body didn’t, instead hurtling around you in a terrifying gust of wind.

But you were safe.

There was a shatter of glass windows as energy redistributed and the car took the brunt of the shock, and airbags deployed, engulfing the driver who could have possibly ended your life.

When Satoru finally turned to you slowly, looking at your cowering form, you finally caught a glimpse of piercing blue. For once he wasn’t smiling, and he was suddenly much more terrifying than anything else.

As though the mask had come off.

He didn’t ask if you were okay. Instead, he asked you to control your grief.

---

You shouldn’t be able to love anyone so much that your heart breaks repeatedly.

Something about you had to be pathological - it couldn’t be normal to feel the pain of separation this acutely. It was just a long-distance relationship, even if he was just getting more famous and less available by the day.

You shouldn’t wake up wondering if you could still breathe without him.

You shouldn’t.

---

“I’m a sorcerer,” Gojo revealed as he stirred a warm caramel latte, as though he had said the most natural thing in the world.

You tilted your head over so slightly, knit eyebrows betraying your confusion.

“... Like a circus performer?”

The repetitive turn of his wrist halted almost immediately and he looked at you, the constant smug smirk immediately awash from his features.

“Do I look like I belong in the circus?!” He half-exclaimed, half-whined, as though you were the only patrons in this bustling coffee shop. Part of you was bent on saying yes, but you kept mum yet staring at his face in distress, you find yourself stifling a giggle.

Now that he’d saved your life, you felt (and probably erroneously so) obligated to at least indulge him in coffee, and your curiosity about the young man sitting before you a whole day later now waffled between morbid and genuine.

Cursed energy? Leaking from you? Sorcery?

He cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair once he realized you were more entertained by his distress than anything else, crossing his arms and raising his legs on the table. You stared at the bottom of his shoes with mild disgust but instead focused on his face.

He really was like your Tooru, the boyfriend that slipped away from your reach in your nightmares, causing you to wake in a cold sweat. You shook the thought of your head, a quick barely perceptible movement, and crossed your own arms.

“You’re sad enough that I can sense it, which despite the fact that I am obviously quite gifted, can be a bit of an issue long term.”

“Why would it be an issue to you?”

“Because grief creates spirits and spirits are a pain in my ass.”

You furrowed your eyebrows again.

“So you followed me because you thought I was sad?” It sounded far fetched enough but absolutely on brand for a weirdo like the man before you. You took a sip of your tea - you’d picked chai for this… meeting. It wasn’t a date.

He grinned, an elbow rested on the table propping up his chin as he leaned back towards you.

“No, it’s because I thought you were beautiful.” ---

For the first time in a year, Oikawa’s first step back on Japanese soil did not immediately bring him joy but anxiety.

It was odd for him to feel anxiety, this unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, but of course it would dissipate the moment he saw you.

But first, a warm shower in his new hotel room. Then he’d go to see you.

It felt odd not to have you waiting for him, your million dollar - no, priceless - smile on your face, so he could kiss you dramatically in the midst of all watching to again reassert that you are his, and his alone.

But you were upset, and understandably so.

So he would come to you, as a good boyfriend should.

---

“I have a boyfriend,” you told him immediately and indignantly, as you got up to leave. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I’m not interested.”

He didn’t rise as fast as you did, watching you calmly instead as you balled your fists in irritation. It’s so shameless how he flirts, you thought. He’s so bold and rude and even if he’s a ‘sorcerer’ as he claims, there’s no spell that he can cast onto you that will make you leave Oikawa for him.

Not your Tooru, whose last Instagram post features a beautiful, tan, large-breasted and bikini-clad woman you’ve never met.

“Where is he then?” Satoru said in a low voice. He didn’t necessarily mean to cut but it did anyway. A lump formed in your throat.

“Overseas.”

---

The sound of chirping crickets is surprisingly loud for this part of the city, Oikawa considered, as he made his way towards your apartment building. It was an atypically warm evening for this point in the spring and he briefly mused if that is what excited them. Maybe they were cheering for him. They sounded a lot like the crowds if he closed his eyes.

He also hoped you had room for the gifts he carried with him, the most important of which was a Cartier bracelet he would hand to you once he departed, with a solid gold T for Tooru.

If he was on the search for fame and glory, he had to spoil you too, right?

To think that you were so angry with him that you had not yet contacted him since he had landed.

He knocked on your door finally, noting the shuffling of too many feet towards the door. This was the right door. He didn’t understand. Did you have friends over?

He called, and you didn’t immediately pick up.

---

“You have to leave!” You hissed. The statement was a plea and it was a command and it was a curse.

The blue of Satoru’s eyes was less electric in the dim moonlight, now more of a cool ice. Bare naked like this and barely visible save for the cracks of the illuminated city through your blinds, he was unfairly beautiful, as though he were carved out of marble. Again like your Tooru. Like, not better.

But still, he was there when Tooru wasn’t.

But Tooru was there now, knocking on your door, having traveled thousands of miles despite the fact that you had broken up with him just yesterday.

It was too little, too late.

But you didn’t love Satoru. He was just a band-aid for the loneliness that wrung agony out of you.

Right?

“I don’t want to leave,” your makeshift lover replied, flatly.

Your glare was sharp and instant, but Satoru matched your look, less pointed but unwilling to sway.

An unstoppable force, no different from the day he’d saved your life.

But he’d caused the problem in the first place, hadn’t he? Would you have run out so carelessly if not for him?

Your voice softened as you slipped on your clothes. The fight was lost before it started.

“Please? I… I can’t do this to him.”

Only a plea was left.

Your phone started to ring and your throat felt as though it would close up.

“___?”

Before you knew it, you heard your front door open and your heart dropped into your throat.

---

“What the fuck-”

Blue eyes were cruel.

Oikawa prided himself on his height but Satoru was taller, and his smirk was wide, while Oikawa’s face was ghostlike, devoid of any appreciable expression. Stunned.

“So you’re the boyfriend?” His voice dripped with mock amusement and he patted him on the shoulder before swinging open the door wide, letting Oikawa into his own girlfriend’s apartment, only to stand face to face with you whose feet seemed glued to the floor in shock.

“I.. T-Tooru..”

“Are you fucking serious?!”

His voice came out as a cry and his tears hot and fast. You never thought you’d see him crumple so fast, for you, for anything.

Your mouth opened and closed, and your hands shook but again, you stayed planted to the same spot while Satoru, still shirtless (but at least with the decency to have worn a pair of pants before answering the door), settled himself on the couch.

Before you could open your mouth to find a word to defend yourself to your sobbing boyfriend, your visitor let out an exaggerated yelp.

“____, you really showed no mercy on my asshole, did you?” he jeered. Then covering his mouth, he made a gesture of ‘Oops.’

What could you do?

Oikawa looked like he would stop breathing any second. He wanted to fight and maybe scream, but what use was that?

You had broken up with him yesterday.

You approached slowly, attempting maybe a touch, anything that would make your mistake less grievous.

You’d only been seeing Satoru for several weeks to… you weren’t sure why, really? Tooru was the one you loved. And to see him curl up like this… someone who was normally so proud...

You were disgusted with yourself.

“Tooru-”

“You said you’d wait for me.”

It was shocking how quick he rose, broken dignity, gifts and all.

“Tooru!”

He turned to leave, while Satoru contented himself on picking the earwax from his ears. It was easier to be like this, insufferable, than to gracefully accept the idea that his object of affection loved someone else.

He’d coveted you from the day he’d met you.

“Tooru!!!”

You were running after a man who gave 150% to everything, yet again. 

Everything but you.

But had he at the very least given you 100%? You weren’t sure.

Oikawa was the last person who could accept the thought of someone else. You weren’t sure if he’d call you ever again. You weren’t even sure you wanted to break up.

Cursed energy. Maybe you didn’t just leak cursed energy. Maybe you were just cursed.

Heart shattering to pieces once Oikawa was no longer within view, you made it back to your room. Satoru was there waiting, and you couldn’t see the look in his eyes, but his arms were open, and so you fell into them.

#oikawa x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #commission work #crossover fic #haikyuu x reader #jjk x reader #haikyuu x jjk #mae.writing

[supremeinlilac]

Don’t ask me what could have been

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2037

Warnings: Death, angst, idk its just a lil bit sad

A/n: I challenged myself to write a fic without dialogue, because my writing is super descriptive anyway, so I enjoyed writing this so much, you have no idea, even though it’s sad. Enjoyyy :))

For @grilledcheeseandguavajelly​ @shineestark​ I love you and you deserve the stars <33

Your death had been an accident.

Wrong place, wrong time. An unsettled ghost that you’d simply gotten too close to. Curiosity had indeed killed the cat after all, and now it had taken you too.

It was the first and last time Billie had requested you join her on a job, to watch her work. You’d eagerly accepted, excited to watch her work, slightly nervous about it being your first real experience with ghosts of any kind. She’d let you explore the giant house while she spoke with who she believed to be the problematic ghost, one of a small child.

It was in the bedroom you’d met the real ghost but he’d looked and sounded so real that you’d mistaken him for someone alive. His timidness soon turned to anger once he realised you weren’t there to held him, and you couldn’t even blurt out that Billie was just downstairs and that she could help. Everything happened so quickly. Too quickly.

Your last words were the whispers of her name but she had been too far away to have heard them. You’d slipped away without a goodbye. You still yearned for that goodbye, everyday you’d find the whispers of her name falling from your lips unconsciously, as if begging for her to hear you.

She couldn’t have helped. It didn’t help to ponder over what if’s.

Even so, you knew the memories of that day consumed her still. When she would wake from bouts of fitful sleep she’d reach out across the sheets for your comforting hand, your warmth, only to be met with none. She pined for your embrace, the way you’d coo her nightmares away with gentle kisses and your nails against her scalp.

The first smoking break she’d take at work, when the dew still clung to the delicately swaying grass and the mist of the morning had not yet cleared, she’d remember the way the droplets of tears would slip down the crease of your smile as your laughter rippled through your body.

Billie Dean couldn’t wear her pearls anymore. She couldn’t have them lay so close to her heart without the memory of you always sitting upon her lap, twirling them between delicate fingers and pressing a lingering kiss to her collarbone. Just as you always did when she wore them, which was why she wore them so often. She never got the chance to admit that to you. She wished she did.

They now lay untouched in a box beside the last book you’d been reading, unfinished. There was so much more of it you had yet to read. So much more life you had yet to experience.

When she’d open your wardrobe to the fading smell of your clothes, press a bunched up top in her fingers and bring it to her nose. Imagining that you were there, giggling and teasing about that specific habit, asking why she insisted on doing that when she had the real thing.

Had.

The past tense reminded her cruelly that you weren’t hers anymore. Weren’t anyone’s. Just weren’t.

No one was holding you, soothing you, making you laugh or stopping the flow of your tears. She ached to be able to hold you again. For one more time she would trade all her fame and success, didn’t care how cliché that sounded, because for you she would.

There were times she’d shrug on an outfit for a meal with her colleagues, turning as if to seek approval from you before her smile would faulter and her shoulders sag, and she’d have to fight herself to enjoy the meal in your absence. Her fingers pressing against her purse, and the knowing that your smiling photo lay just within. A photo she’d taken when you’d been unaware, that she’d kept to brush over and admire the way your cheeks would redden and crinkle, a silent laugh beaming over your face.

When she’d visit the house, you’d watch her from a distance. You didn’t trust yourself to be close to her. To be allowed to smell her, the lingering musk of her cigarettes and the sweet tang of her perfume.

She’d talk to you, telling you about her show and about celebrities she’d met on her travels and at events. You’d smile at her theatrics, the way she’d catch herself waving her hands around dramatically while in the throng of one of her stories.

She never spoke about meeting anyone. Not that you needed to be told that she wasn’t interested in dating. You could tell she’d thrown herself into her work to ease the insistent pain. The loss. You were proud of her.

On this particular day, the atmosphere was different. Eerie. You watched as she crossed the threshold into the property, hand lingering on the door a second too long. The other ghosts could sense it too, the change, and they scattered into the far corners of the house, leaving you alone with the woman who now ascended the stairs toward the bedroom she always zeroed in on, fingers tracing the wallpaper and cracked frames that hung.

You knew why she’d come. Knew why this time it felt so different. So final.

The thought of her leaving for good made your throat close up, sobs catching as you forced yourself to be stronger. To savour these fleeting moments in her presence as if they were to be your last. It was cruel to think that they would be.

In the bedroom she sat on the edge of the bed, as always, lips parting to hold a cigarette between teeth while she lit it with trembling hands. Oh how you wanted nothing more than to still them between your own, to comfort her.

You didn’t. Settling for simply watching her inhale deeply, the flickering trail of smoke that danced out of the crack in her mouth, dissipating into the air. You watched her lean to the side table to snub out the orange ember, fizzling out against the cool ash tray.

Approaching her, you knelt at her feet, the position you’d so often adopt when she’d had a trying day at work, head in her lap and fingers clutching at her pants while she’d stroke at your hair and relax. Your proximity to her felt so natural, like coming home. She felt like home.

She could smell your lingering perfume, as fresh as the day you’d died, enveloping her in your familiarity. Could feel the warmth of your breath against her neck, fingers reaching to brush over the goosebumps left. She swore if she just reached out, that she’d feel the curve of your jaw, a hand coming to rest upon hers as she’d caress your face.

She did, and her fingers curled around nothing, so she did it again, willing you to appear with the frantic clenching of her hand as if the more she did it the more likely you were to be. When her attempts bore no fruit, she let her arm drop limply to her side, a finality.

A small, sad smile painted her lips, and she suddenly looked so small and broken, like a child lost in the bustle of a crowd. Alone.

You wanted to reach for her too, to press the pads of your fingers against those lips, to tug at the edges and hold her until the smile was true again. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, an invisible string holding you back from her, one which you couldn’t sever.

You loved her.

You couldn’t, and wouldn’t shackle her to this house while she was alive, to you. You loved her more than the selfish desire that swarmed inside you to just appear to her and tell her to stay. You knew she would.

It was the best for her if she believed you weren’t here, so that the grief would slowly thaw and she’d be able to find peace. Move on. Maybe find someone else. Maybe.

Billie Dean Howard. Medium to the stars.

God how you wished that the stars in her eyes would sparkle like they did when you were alive, and not just with the sheen of unshed tears.

Billie Dean Howard was the stars. She was the stars and the moon and the sun, the universe painted perfectly in silk and cigarettes. The stars would fling themselves to the ground for her, bowing in her presence.

Scrambling to your feet and out of her way when Billie had stood, she walked to the wall at the far end of the room, her back to you and you wondered what she was doing. She’d never done this on any of her other visits. You didn’t have to wait long to find out why.

You heard the whispered goodbye, bit back the tears that threatened to fall at the finality of it all. Watched her rest her forehead against the cool wall, as she so often used to do to you, fingers pressed into the wallpaper as if she wanted nothing more than to be sucked into the very walls of the house, to be trapped just as you were.

Billie turned around, looking straight at you as if you were as clear and bright as the sun, before reaching into the bag on her shoulder. The shimmer of her pearls held up against the low light of the room. She’d brought them to you. She knew you were still here, watching. She knew what you were sacrificing for her freedom to leave and live and exist outside these walls.

You smiled. She was leaving a piece of her to you, a piece of you both to tie and strengthen the bond you shared, even in death. The faint clatter of the beads on the chest of drawers had you following her movements again, hands hovering over the line of her shoulder blades through the top she was wearing.

When Billie finally turned around, this was the closest you’d been to each other since your death. There was no way she could know your were there. Yet here she was, reaching up and cradling the air that would have been your face if you’d just let her in, as if you were as real as herself. As if she could see you, touch you.

As quickly as she’d turned, she was lowering her hands and gathering her things off the bed. She did it slowly, meticulously, as if rushing was breaking some unspoken rule. Unfortunately, she could only slow her movements so much, only put off her inevitable departure for so long.

You weren’t sure why, it wasn’t as if Billie was drawing any comfort from being in the room in which you’d died. You could see the pained way she’d glance at the spot she’d found you, the spot in which she’d curled herself into your body and cried for help to no one. The spot in which she’d learned how fragile life was, how quickly and cruelly it could be snatched from under someone.

You didn’t follow when she’d given a last fleeting look around the room, her footsteps echoed against the wood as she walked back toward the stairs to leave. Instead holding onto the image of her face in your mind, committing it to memory as the stairs creaked with her weight.

Out of the bay window, you could see the final sway of her hips, swish of her hair, golden now against the setting sun. She didn’t turn back to give one more pleading glance towards the house. You think that if she had done, she wouldn’t have been able to bring herself to leave.

You hoped that maybe, when the time came, Billie would return to you to die, wrinkled hands still holding the same warmth and gentleness that they always did for you. You hoped she’d remember the way your lips felt against her own, the way your bodies moulded perfectly as if designed for the very purpose of being close. You begged that she’d be drawn back in the final days, so that you could be together again, as you should be.

But for now, this was your goodbye. The goodbye you’d been robbed of.

taglist : @pearplate @billiedeansbottom @pluied-ete​ @extraordinarilycelestrial​ @toujours-ensanglante​@mssallymckenna @okpaulson  @magnificent-paulsonn @shineestark​ @commanderspeach @grilledcheeseandguavajelly @amethyst-bitch​​ @its-soph-xx​ @germansarechill @bluesxrgnt​ ,if you want to be added just send me an ask :))

#sarah paulson #sarah paulson x reader #billie dean howard #billie dean howard x reader #american horror story #ahs murder house

[janellion]

KAYLAAAAA i am Back ! HSHXH i would like to request hcs of the reader taking care of their drunk boyfriend(s) 👉👈 may i ask for tsukki, bokuto, kuroo, and akaashi? Hdhxbb i hope it's not too much !!! if it is, tsukki and bokuto would do omg aaaAAA i love you so much bb 💞💗💗💗 and idk if i've told you this before already but i LOVE LOVE LOVE your writing like it's one of the best i've ever read !!!! pls stay healthy and safe, i love you!!!!!

RON BB U MAKING A BITCH SOFT OMG 😭😭💗💗✨✨ thank you SO SO MUCH!!’ it means the world to me that you enjoy my writing!!! i’d love to write these for you!!! (i’m sorry they took so long bb 🥺😭 ILY!!)

taking care of your drunk!boyfriend hcs

ft. tsukki, bokuto, kuroo, akaashi

tsukki

tsukki doesn’t drink that much but when he does, he gets SOFT

i don’t mean like he’s crying and all over you

but those things that he only usually thinks? like “wow they’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen”

he SAYS THEM

and he doesn’t realize that he does, he’s really just thinking out loud and so when you’re all flustered at hearing him being so sweet and honest, words that he usually reserves for tender and special moments, he just quirks an eyebrow like “what? did i say something?”

and you pretend like he didn’t, bc you love hearing the things he has to say

taking care of him involves a lot of,,, tough love

he is stubborn and wants to take care of himself

he only lets you take care of him when you’re firm but sweet with him

speaking of, you’re the ONLY ONE that he let’s take care of him

even though it does take some extra coaxing on your part, anyone else would be outright refused except for you

when you go to pick him up or the boys drop him off, they always seem a little extra tired because they’ve been dealing w drunk tsukki without you and he is DIFFICULT

like “we need to bribe him to get into the car” kind of difficult

but they’re really just bribing him with getting to see you

tsukki isn’t a super cuddly or physically affectionate person, but as soon as he sees you he melts

will draw you in for a hug with those long arms of his and just hold you until he starts swaying and you both fall on the ground

the nights end with him passed out in bed and you gently removing his glasses

he never brings it up the next day bc he’s embarrassed, but he thanks you in his own little ways, whether that’s a tender kiss to your temple as you make him something for his hangover, or your favorite flowers the next time he goes out for errands

a knock on the door pulls you from your current task, piquing your interest and making you wonder — isn’t it a little late for them to be back? i figured kei would just stay with kuroo. as you head to the front door, you peek your head through the window to see none other than your tall slightly red faced boyfriend batting away the presumably helpful hand that kuroo is offering him.

as soon as you open the door and tsukki’s eyes land on you, the annoyed and frustrated look on his face melts into one of calm adoration. he takes a step through the threshold, placing a large slender hand on your shoulder, drawing you into his chest and inhaling the scent of your hair.

you look at kuroo over tsukki’s shoulder, suppressing a grin as you see kuroo’s growing. “you should have heard him on the way here, he was so excited to see you,” he comments to you under his breath as he moves to head back to the boys leaning against his car in varying levels of intoxication.

you shoot him a “good luck!” as he walks away before the door slams, blocking kuroo’s retreating back. you try and pull away from tsukki, only to feel him pull you in closer in response.

“those guys were pissing me off,” you hear tsukki’s voice muffled into into your hair. you can’t help but smile at the softness in his voice despite the harshness of his words.

“let’s get you to bed,” you laugh softly, prying his arms ground around your waist and holding his hands in yours between you.

as you go to walk down the hall, tsukki’s grip on your hands tightens as he pulls you back to him, bringing one hand to your check and the other to the small of your back.

he looks at you intensely through his glasses, face slightly flushed, but eyes soft and mouth slipping into a small smile.

“you’re the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen”

+++

bokuto

i’ve written a bit abt drunk!bo here BUT yk i can always go off abt my hubby

OK SO bokuto is one of those “i’m myself but x100” kind of drunks

he is so excited and enthusiastic about things when he’s in a good mood

but he’s so down in the dumps and sad if he’s in a bad mood

fortunately!! you are always there to manage his moods, whether that’s extreme elation or intense sadness

a smile from you or a squeeze of your hand is all it takes to bring him back to his normal cheerful and exuberant self

BUT i hope that you don’t mind shirtless!bokuto (who could???) bc this man is CONSTANTLY TAKING HIS SHIRT OFF WHEN HE DRINKS

on the rare occasions where he goes out with tanaka, these two get kicked out of places SO FAST for public indecency

taking care of drunk!bokuto is a pretty involved affair

as soon as he sees you or the guys drop him back off to you, he is running full speed toward you, often forgetting his size and underestimating his speed

you’ve learned after the first few times that you need to brace yourself for impact bc he has crashed into you more times than you can count

this often results in you either on your back on the floor, or bo sweeping you up in a giant hug as he squeezes you tightly

the man REFUSES to take care of himself, does not want to eat or drink water until you offer it to him

if you bribe him w a kiss? man will do anything

the reason why he refuses to take care of himself? he just wants to spend time w you and shower you with love and affection!!

you’re trying to brush your teeth? good thing you only need one hand bc bo is holding the other!

trying to fix the bed? good luck bc bo has his arms around your waist and is nuzzling his face into your neck

fortunately, drunk!bo is also very sleepy, so after a lot of hand holding and hugging and wildly affectionate and inappropriate compliments, he is ready to pass out

unfortunately, he’s only able to fall asleep with you in his arms, so i hope your phone is charged!!

also, get ready to take a shower in the morning bc drunk!bokuto DROOLS

it’s ok tho bc he’s so cute abt it in the morning & will DEFINITELY insist on showering w you to help you,,, clean off 👀

a loud cry rings through the neighborhood prompting loud “shhhh” noises from the boys around your boyfriend. you smile in amusement as you look out the front window at the scene before you.

bokuto just dropped his phone as he was getting out of the car and proceeded to drop onto his knees, face buried in his hands as he cries out, “NOO WHAT DID I DO THEYRE GONE KUROO GONEEE,” as he gingerly picks up his phone and looks at the lock screen.

even from your vantage point in the house you can see the barely concealed snicker fhat escapes kuroo’s lips as he gestures to tsukki to help heft the large crying man to his feet.

“bro, i promise [Name] is fine, that’s just your lock screen, they’re in the house.” at this point kuroo pauses and looks up, seeing your face in lit up in the window.

“bo, look! they’re right there! why don’t you go give the door your secret knock and see them?” kuroo says, pointing to you at the window.

of course, you can’t hear this, but you do see the way that bokuto’s eyes light up as he brings his gaze to meet yours, and the wide smile that’s already across his previously tear-stained face.

with that, he is running full speed to the front door, and you barely have time to process the change in mood before you hear your signature shared secret knock on the front door.

laughing in anticipation, you throw the door open at the finish of the knock, only to be wrapped up in two sturdy arms, bo feet your lifting off the ground in his excitement.

finally setting you down, he looks at you with shining eyes, the grin on his face spreading with every passing second.

“i missed you”

+++

kuroo

so poor kuroo is usually stuck as the designated driver (he switches off with akaashi)

when he does get to drink though? his nerdy and flirty sides come out in the BEST possible way

he loves to use chemistry pick up lines on you, whether you’re out on the town together or you’re cuddled up in your bed after he gets dropped off for the night

you’ll be playing with his hair or he’ll be playing with yours and all of a sudden he’ll pull away and all the warning you’ll get is a slight glint in his eye and the traces of a mischievous smile as he says:

Do you have 11 protons? Cause your sodium fine

or

You must be a compound of beryllium and barium...because your a total BaBe

as soon as the lines are out of his mouth you can feel heat rushing up your neck and cheeks as your eyes widen slightly

kuroo always laughs gently, a light blush coloring his cheeks as he pulls away

he loves to do this bc it always yields his favorite sight: you flustered and embarassed at his sudden flirtatiousness

kuroo is pretty responsible so you don’t really,,, need to take care of him?

but you DO get to listen to a lot of really entertaining stories about things that have happened throughout the night he spent out with the boys

he likes to lay his head in your lap with his eyes closed as you run your fingers through his hair and gently massage his scalp, humming gently and laughing as he recounts the tales of his night

you WILL have to convince him to go to bed tho bc drunk!kuroo wants to stay up ALL NIGHT and spend time with you, cuddling and watching tv or some movies (he WILL try and convince you to watch a fun documentary)

but you’ll have to resist his charms and pickup lines

he does NOT make it easy on you though

will even go as far as to lay on the ground and make you drag him to your bedroom, barely concealing his laughter

he’ll eventually take pity on you and walk with you to the bedroom, but not before swinging his arm over your shoulder and leaning a bunch of his weight on you (he can’t make it too easy!)

the night always ends with the two of you facing each other, his arm slung over your waist as he traces every inch of your face with his eyes

you hear the loud honk of a horn as you receive a “here” text from your boyfriend. you open the door, not sure what to expect since it’s been quite some time since kuroo actually let loose.

you definitely weren’t expecting a grinning bokuto with his hand around kuroo’s waist as your dark haired boyfriend grinned at you with a mischievous look in his eye.

“[Name]!” bokuto exclaims in his signature booming and excited voice. “Your boyfriend here was practicing lines on me all night to get ready to see you,” he says, laughter in his voice.

“bro, you weren’t supposed to tell them!” kuroo turns to bokuto, eyebrows slightly furrowed, “it was supposed to be a surprise!”

bokuto simply laughs and shakes his head, removing his arm from around kuroo’s waist and going to clap you on the shoulder. “good luck,” he says with a wink before walking back to the car, yelling at a slightly flushed akaashi that “he’s next!”

with bokuto gone, all of kuroo’s attention is on you. the mischievous look on his eye has been replaced by one that’s softer, full of love and adoration. his smile, however, still slightly betrays the rest of his face as he leans in close to you, arm resting on one side of your face as the other goes to his hip.

“You must be related to Alfred Nobel, because baby you are dynamite!” slips past his lips and you can’t help but laugh, heat rushing to your face as you take in his words.

his suaveness, however, falters as he loses his balance and crashes into you through the threshold.

he pulls back from you, face lingering inches from yours as he grins again.

“Even if there wasn't gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you”

+++

akaashi

similar to kuroo, akaashi is often the designated driver or signature “responsible friend”

when he DOES go more wild it’s because someone bokuto convinces him to do something crazy for some reason his bachelor party

on those nights where he does participate more in shenanigans, he gets SOFT

not in the same way that tsukki or bokuto get soft, but in a very special way that is Signature Akaashi

the guys will drop him off and they will all be waving and smiling at you, faces soft

akaash’s softness is infectious and inspiring, and all of them are going to go home to their own partners and be extra soft and sweet bc of him and his love for you

akaashi’s love language is quality time, and this is never more obvious than on the nights when you’re taking care of him after a fun night out with the boys

he just wants to be with you, whether that be on the couch as you finish up your book or show, talking to you as you shower for the night, or at the kitchen table as you have a midnight snack

his eyes soften and drink in the sight of you under the bright kitchen lights, or the soft glow of the tv, or through the foggy mirror of the bathroom

anything you ask of him is yours, so taking care of him is very easy

you’re both in bed as soon as you’d like to be, whether that’s one hour or five hours after he gets done with the boys

this is bc all akaashi wants to do is hold you in his arms and look at you, whispering into the quiet space between you how much he loves you and how much you mean to him

he’s not usually big on being very affectionate with his words, so when he says them, you KNOW he means them more than anything

even though he was the one that went out, he’s always the last one to fall asleep bc he wants to memorize the way you look in this exact moment, and tuck it away into his collection of favorite memories

your phone buzzes on the couch next to you, drawing your attention from the show you put on as you wait for your boyfriend to get dropped off.

accepting the phone and bringing it to your ear, you hear the calm and deep voice of the man you know and love.

“hi love, we’re almost to the house,” rings through the speaker. a chorus of “AWWWHS” and “OOOOHS” echo in the background as you hear the unmistakable voices of the boys in the car. a smile tugs at your lips at the shenanigans, and widens at akaashi’s soft chuckle. “see you soon,” you say as you hear the sound of a car pull up.

making your way to the door, you open it to reveal the slightly flushed face of your boyfriend as he gets out of the car, accepting the hand that bokuto offers in assistance.

the softness in akaashi’s eyes is unmistakable as he makes his way toward you, his gaze never straying from your face.

bokuto chuckles behind him, waving briefly at akaashi’s back before walking around to the front of the car.

as akaashi reaches the front step, he wraps an arm around your waist and brings you in for a soft but firm kiss, pulling away with a gentle smile and shining eyes.

the “OOOHS” and “AHHHS” ring out from the car again, but there’s a softness to them.

regardless, you pay them no mind as you look into akaashi’s eyes, a small smile playing on your lips.

“it’s nice to see you too,” you say through a grin.

“i’ve been wanting to do that all night”

☽

a/n: tysm for reading!! ty @strawbirb for the bokuto idea!! my requests are OPEN. i’m slow but i will get to them! 🥰✨

general taglist (also my faves 🥰) : @oyakags @cosmictooru @over5feettall @kaidasen @achoohq @kuronekomama @anianimol @strawbirb @spriteandnicotine

writing taglist: @softkatsuki

(pls lmk if you’d like to be on a taglist!)

#ron bb!! #ty for requesting this!! #janellion writes #haikyuu hcs #hq hcs #haikyuu!! hcs #tsukishima hcs #bokuto hcs #kuroo hcs #akaashi hcs #tsukishima kei #bokuto koutarou #kuroo teturou #akaashi keiji #tsukishima x reader #bokuto x reader #kuroo x reader #akaashi x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu!! x reader

[nibeul]

Please I want to know more about your clones 🤔🤔

I am so late to responding to this but GLADLY!! I love gushing about them though I have so many (like 50 I think) so I will try to stick to my main group ahh :)

Cross (he/him): Cross was my first clone OC ever, so he holds a very special place in my heart even if I do not draw him often enough. He’s a commander (CC-0044) and was present on Geonosis, though later returned to Kamino to help Alpha with the CC training program.

He got his scar in 21BBY and it’s actually not from the battlefield (none of his scars are actually from the battlefield). The scar comes from being whipped by a lightsaber hilt, which sounds funny out of context, but it wasn’t an accident.

He’s batchmates with @katanrocksketches ‘s OC Asch! The two were pretty close when they were in training, and Cross got his name before leaving Kamino. It was given to him because of his kind of uhhh, “cross nature” or disposition pfft. He softens up a bit between 22BBY-20BBY though the walls go up again after that :’)

Coming off Kamino, he was a stickler for rules and was not a big fan of clones tattooing themselves/dying their hair and whatnot (he didn’t even like having a name at first though his batchmates used it enough that it begrudgingly stuck). After meeting Sunny though, he lets him do one tattoo and ends up getting his number underneath his left eye. It is like, staying to how he believes they should be while also accepting that it’s ok to be individual.

Cross’s favorite color is red because for him, red represents Ando (my Padawan OC) and they are very close (NOT IN A ROMANTIC WAY. He sees Ando as his little brother or kih’vod to protect).

Cross actually does not know a lot of Mando’a because of his belief that they should not try to be seen as individuals. He distanced himself from anything that he considered “individualization”, and Mando’a was included in that. Sunny teaches him a little bit later down the line, and Ando also teaches him and Ten (another clone OC of mine) some Togruti, too

Part of Cross’s strict disposition comes from being subject to Priest’s death circles on more than one occasion (I might retcon that to Adral—a mando OC of mine—because I hate KT Ugh).

By the end of the war, he carries a lot of guilt. He loses a lot of the people he’s closest to because of his actions/orders, and he uh. Doesn’t live past O66 :’) he does get a very quick.. redemption.. arc.. kinda..

Sunny (he/him): Sunny was my second clone OC made around the same time as Cross, and he also holds a very special place in my heart :) I really love clone medics, there is just something about them that makes my brain go brrrr. I also think the irony of his name is great

Sunny’s name was originally Sers, but after writing him for a few weeks, I changed it because I thought Sunny fit better. His name was given to him by his batchmate, Aran, and while he vehemently protested against it, the name ended up sticking. He won’t admit that he actually likes it (though the tattoo and painting of his armor say otherwise anyway)

Sunny is the CMO of the 409th Corps (my OC military group basically). He’s a Lieutenant (or at a rank around there, definitely a CO at the least) and he does not back down. Ever. Even the people who outrank him will fall into line if he tells them to, Jedi included. He is not afraid to pull rank as a Medic, and his resting bitch face can be very scary

On the same line of thought as the rbf, he is basically perpetually scowling. He does not look approachable at all

Sunny loses the entirety of his batch on Geonosis, including Aran who he holds onto while he is dying. The Jedi leading Sunny’s company was.. not accustomed to war and failed to adapt when it was needed. Because of this, Sunny doesn’t necessarily harbor a dislike of Jedi, though he does not really trust many of them in leading positions. He also does not like that there are kids being put in the role of commander, he does see many Padawan deaths (he later comforts a dying Padawan that he was close to, I think I wrote part of that scene for myself and it was kinda upsetting oof) —> he gets his tattoo/paints his armor in order to honor his dead batchmates

Throughout the war, Sunny gets seriously injured only once after going down in an LAAT (where he nearly ends up dying too). Boost finds him, though he’s kinda accepted that he’s not gonna make it (I mean he does but it doesn’t look like he will for a bit). After Flip (younger clone OC) dies, he doesn’t really care if he kicks the bucket either :’)

Sunny is the only one out of my main gang to make it past O66. His chip doesn’t work at all, though he has to fight through his brothers (aha, the only ones who are still alive that he is close with) in order to save a Jedi youngling that was in the medbay at the time. After that, he goes on the run with the kid (clone dad clone dad) and offers his services as a doctor in the outer rim in order to keep them afloat

Boost (he/him) (she/her) [either or, there is no real preference]: Boost has gone through a lot of changes design wise. He started out as Dax, but then Dax became another OC, then she was Boost, though she had kinda short hair that was pushed back by a headband, then his hair was buzzed, and now we are finally at long hair Boost. Idk how to describe, but she is very shaped I think

Boost for his nickname from bear hugging his batchmates and lifting them off the ground when doing so. Also from fucking around in training where he threw another one of his batchmates in order to get from one ledge to another. All around just a name with silly origins that she liked and decided to keep

Boost and Sol are batchmates!

Boost is very tactically intelligent. She’s good at thinking on her feet, sees the bigger picture before focusing on details, good problem solver, etc. He is an ARC after all, there is good reason for his status and rank as a Lieutenant. That being said, he can also be very very stupid in the sense that off the battlefield, he’s oblivious. He does enjoy being the jokester of the group, and he sometimes plays up his dumbassery for jest, though yeah, a lot of people assume that he is not smart because of his demeanor which is very wrong

Boost is terrible. Terrible at braiding her hair. Sol is the best at braiding it, though she would never admit that even if everyone knows it. He started growing his hair out once they were off Kamino and hasn’t stopped since despite the fact that is technically not within regulations. Cross turns a blind eye and Ko (Jedi General) could not care less for inconsequential regulations like that

Boost is really good with kids, but good in the way a uhh.. chaotic uncle/auntie is. He’s a lot of fun to be around with, and being around kids makes him even more rambunctious than usual. He can be what is considered “childish”, pulling pranks and everything but like, he is very emotionally mature and knows when to be serious. Again, a lot of people kinda just boil her down to “dumb” which is really wrong, though it doesn’t bug him a lot.

Boost has a big sweet tooth!! He loves getting sweets when they’re on Coruscant, which they actually tend to visit frequently enough because of Ko’s status as a Sentinel (and also because Ko benefits what the Republic sees as the “propaganda machine” as a prominent General with a good track record).

Boost is romantically involved with @buttsalsa ‘s civilian OC Esta. I reblogged some art of them the other day, they are very cute :D

Boost doesn’t make it to Order 66 :’) I actually wrote out his death and cried after going back to read it LMAO It was rough

Sol (he/him): Sol was made as a package deal with Boost, and I feel bad because I think he gets overshadowed a lot but he is kinda like the rock for the group. When he dies, things really start to crumble but uh!! That is a sad thought for another time. Anyways, like I said, he is basically the rock and also a voice of reason for Boost’s shenanigans

Sol got his nickname after reading through some flimsi that their trainer had given him. He didn’t know if it had any meaning, but he liked the way it sounded and immediately began using it. Boost quickly picked up on it and the rest of their batch was very supportive

Sol loves reading. He specifically likes reading history, and Ando slips him what he can (fun fact, when Sol dies, Boost returns to their bunk to find a couple of holobooks that Ando had left and breaks down aha.. pain). Whenever he doesn’t feel like keeping Boost from causing trouble, he just sits in a quiet corner and reads his books while everything erupts in chaos around him

Sol’s favorite beverage is tea which Ko introduced him to. He has a few boxes he keeps with him when he can, and he shares them with Boost sometimes though he has to add a lot of sugar/honey in order to do that. If he could drink tea all the time, he could. On the flipside, he absolutely loathes coffee and doesn’t understand how Sunny can drink multiple cups on a day

Sol is kinda like the person that everyone is friends with even if they don’t realize it. He’s like.. the perfect emotional pillar, kinda the therapist friend in a group that desperately needs therapy. He’s more of a listener than a talker which is why it’s easy to overlook him, but he insists that he doesn’t mind much. That being said, it’s only once he’s gone that people start to realize just how much he did (aside from Boost who already thought the world of him)

Sol is also an ARC trooper, having gone through the training program together with Boost. He doesn’t have the same tactical knowledge that Boost does, but he’s good at mediating, long range combat, and also working through plans (he’s pretty meticulous). He and Boost balance each other out well, since he is like the “slow and steady” one out of them.

Sol is the first to go out of the main four (second out of my bigger group of six). He and his entire platoon are wiped out in a massacre as a result of false intel.. man :’)

Anyways, thank you for enabling to ramble about my ocs ToT I honestly just needed to infodump shdjf

#clone ocs #infodump #tcw ocs #tumblr ask

[kinetic-elaboration]

fic writer interview

I was tagged by @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold- Thanks!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 217. And this might be an under-representative count of what I’ve posted because I’m not sure if I ever transferred all my LJ stuff to AO3. (I’ve seen some other people doing this meme and being embarrassed about having fic counts that are way lower than this... should I be sad about this? Is this pathetic? Idk man I like to write.)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,253,278 lol

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Okay, my fandom list on AO3 has 9 fandoms on it but some of those are random one-shots and one is only on the list because I wrote a drabble-length crossover between it and another fandom.

My main fandoms were/are RENT, Fruits Basket (though that was mostly something I obsessed over with friends IRL), Harry Potter, Star Trek (AOS), BBC Sherlock, and The 100.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Okay, time to embarrass myself lol.

1 - (by a lot) is a Star Trek fic.

2 - What We Built (T100, Bellarke)

3 - Rings This True (ST: AOS, K/S)

4 - Pitchforks and Pointed Ears (ST: AOS,K/S)

5 - An explicit, kinky Bellarke fic that’s posted anonymously (knowing it’s my number 5 by kudos makes me want to delete it lsjdfasdfjasdfkjasdfkasd)

5. Do you respond to comments; why or why not?

I do but I’ve been supremely bad about it recently. Like.. this year. And uh last year also.

I just... I know as someone who comments that I’m not exactly waiting on the edge of my seat for a reply from the author. But often the replies I do get are very nice, and I like knowing that the effort I put into writing a comment meant something to the person who put so much effort into writing the fic I read and enjoyed. Also, I am one of those bitches who’s always harping on people to comment--and about how comments are meaningful and kudos are not (I do not receive kudos emails). So I feel like I should show that I do read and appreciate the comments I receive. Also, I don’t get SO many that I can’t possibly reply to them all, tbqh. And finally, I’ve had some very nice discussions in comment threads over the years.

That said, I am shamefully behind atm. I have comments from the beginning of 2021 I haven’t answered. I even have a couple comments that include QUESTIONS that I haven’t answered. I do plan on getting back to them, in the spirit of better late than never, but it is tough sometimes when I feel so far behind.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm. I don’t really do angst all that often, or at least, not angst without a happy ending or like... traditional angst? I guess I would say it is new moon and twilight, which is a fic about mourning, because it doesn’t really have any resolution; nothing gets better, it just... is.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I’ve written one crossover, but it was just a little drabble thing for writing practice.

8 Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No. Not really. So. I have received a great number and great variety of comments on the ST fic that’s also at the top of my kudos list. A few of those comments might be considered ‘hate’ and they certainly made me feel pretty bad. They weren’t so much random flames as they were people who... felt betrayed by my choices or disagreed with my pacing or whatever. But I’ve also had comments on that fic that were more like... constructive criticism I didn’t ask for. One person insists on hating on one of my characters (”my” as in my iteration) and that’s pretty tough for me because I love him and I don’t want to write a version of him people hate. But there have been others too, that question my choices or provide advice I did not request. Tbh I think those ‘unasked for concrit’ comments hurt me worse and haunt me more severely than the outright ‘well this sucks now’ asshatery because those second types I can just delete (from my inbox, not the fic) and say ‘well your taste sucks lol sorry you wasted your time telling me I’m awful’ but the ones that are like ‘I’m your beta now’ make me second guess myself and doubt myself and kinda... make me feel like a failure a bit. I guess because I’m a sensitive flower lmao.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Well as you can see from my number 5 most popular fic being an embarrassingly kinky smut fest--on occasion I do! I used to more often, but for a while now, like several years, I’ve felt myself increasingly bored by both writing and reading sex scenes. Also, the way that fandom has evolved, such that my AO3 and my quite personal tumblr are linked and easy to find one from the other, makes me more self-conscious about putting explicit material out there, especially the non-boring kind. It says too much about me. That said, I wrote some smut recently that may or may not (probably won’t) be edited out of the final draft of an upcoming fic. It’s not good but eh, I don’t do this very often so why not.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah, a few! I feel like I should keep better track of the translations of my work but honestly I’m pretty bad at it.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really. I was part of the Wreck JRoth Club earlier this year, which is a collaboration in the sense that the finished product on AO3 had many writers. But it wasn’t a collaboration in the sense that I worked with a co-writer on any of my sections. In other words, the writing process was the same as for a solo fic, it’s just that the draft was then betaed in part for continuity and combined with other chapters written by other authors. I used to think I’d like to co-write but I think I’m too much of a control freak tbqh.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Kirk/Spock.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Oh man. Well, this is a question I probably should be deeply contemplating right now, since I wanted this year to be the year I finished my WIPs and I think the lesson I’ve learned is that next year should be the year I become comfortable abandoning some WIPs. But.. I’m very stubborn. So I still haven’t decided which, if any, I’ll officially jettison. I have some suspicions but I’m too embarrassed to name names atm.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I create a strong atmosphere and occasionally write some nice-sounding passages.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

All my characters are kinda similar, especially in the structure and sound of their internal monologues. They’re all me! Just wearing different hats.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If you know other languages and it’s relevant to the fic, I don’t see why not. I think it’s polite to put translations in the end notes. (Yes I know google exists but I still think anything less is just bragging and being purposefully difficult.) I don’t generally write fics where this is relevant and my personal preference is to write in English but note in the descriptions or dialogue tags if something is actually in another language.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The very very very first was Harry Potter--a supremely cringe-y and embarrassing Mary Sue fic I wrote about 3 pages of in a notebook in, like, 6th grade maybe? After that, I’m not really sure. I wrote both original fiction and fan fic for several years before I started posting, so it’s a bit hard to recall.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Hmmm...it varies! I think right now I’d say I’m especially fond of Mountain Lion Mean. I had a good experience writing it, I love how it turned out, and I enjoy re-reading it!

I don’t know who’s done this so I’m going to lazily not tag anyone this time but please do this if you feel like it, and tag me back if you’d like!

#tag games #about me

[omgkalyppso]

for the fe3h asks, 32. Favourite teatime? and 40. Who would you like to see Judith or Nader have supports with?

Thank youuu!

32. My favorite tea time is Claude.

Love and a cough. cannot be concealed. Even a small cough. Even a small love.

Idk. There’s something to be able to see the character accused of constantly lying blushing. Blushing isn’t love, but it’s on the list of things you can’t conceal. I like seeing him happy.

But shout out to Flayn. I loved how often I got to choose: Fish and the sea… AND so many of her Final Conversations would be good little ficlets and one shots:

"I desire to see the ocean again–it is difficult being so far away from it"

"Have you any idea how many types of fish there are? It is unthinkable–their different sizes, shapes, colors… I find it fascinating!"

"Whenever I look at you, a wave of nostalgia washes over me. I wonder why that is."

"I have a fear of sleeping. I worry that I will awake, and everyone I know and love will have vanished."

40. OH! Fun. And uh. LONG. Forgive me. I could have just kept going. But I needed to stop myself at 3 because. Long.

Judith

Claude. She may not be his aunt as I’ve written in my fic, but I think a good C support would still be him asking after his family, trying to figure out what stories shared by his mother or read in histories are true or embellished. Leading to a B support of him asking why his uncle had no proper heir (during training. lets get a few taunts out of Judith here), and whether her own life was less lonely now that she had him to worry about. An A Support could address a little more of the Almyran v Fodlan conflict, and her rage at him involving Nader, to try and make her a little more sympathetic. An A+ Support could trigger just before Enbarr, with apologies and expressions of pride, declarations of allegiance, and confessions of worry.

Ingrid. C support, Judith walks in on Ingrid, head in her hand, reading a letter. “Uh-oh, I know that look.” Judith can presume heartbreak and Ingrid can confess the letter is from her father, and Judith can shrug sadly “Different kind of heartbreak then.” And ask if she wants to talk about it. Cue Ingrid’s usual spiel. Perhaps a reveal of why Galatea is in the Kingdom and not the Alliance, why they were granted this piece of unfertile land. Apologies from a powerless position of family drama. B support, Ingrid decides that she doesn’t forgive Judith, but that’s fine because she can fix things, whether by marriage or becoming a knight. Judith seems unoffended, and challenges Ingrid to a duel. A support can start with Judith observing that Ingrid’s done well with her strength and her prospects, she may have rejected those suitors long ago, but she’s seen how Ingrid lights up when certain members in their company are around. Ingrid can claim that marriage is the farthest thing from her mind while the war goes on, but then observes that Judith has never married, and Judith can assure her that she needn’t. That whether you were promised to someone, or whether you’ve chosen them, all relationships can end unexpectedly, and if who you have to rely on is yourself, and your friends, then there’s no shame in that. And that she hopes Ingrid can rely on her regardless of the path she chooses.

Manuela. C Support is also drinking but Judith thinks it’s a date until she arrives and Manuela thinks she can look more alluring than the soldier by her side while looking at the soldier boys. Judith and Manuela could totally pull off a version of the bandage me up while fondly calling me rash and foolhardy until we accidentally make eye contact for a little too long trope for a B support. A Support, Manuela can observe she didn’t think she’d ever see Judith again after the war began, Judith can agree, and can ask after how Manuela’s doing, as the only people who look more weary than healers during war are the dying. Manuela can insist she’s fine, and that maybe when everything is over, she’ll even find a reason to sing again, because she’s uncertain whether she could stay here any longer, in Garreg Mach, where the world fell and now the students she taught sought to kill each other. (Assuming Judith is only available in VW) “I was supposed to be something of a mentor to the Flame Emperor, you know? I don’t think it would be appropriate to try my hand at teaching again.” And Judith can offer her a place to start again. “That might be nice.”

Nader

Claude. For C Support, we start with Claude either making small concentration noises or humming (perhaps an Annette song). “What do you think you’re doing?!” Shattering glass and perhaps sizzling noises. Claude complains about Nader keeping it down, and speaks loud and awkward for anyone eavesdropping some excuse related to the organization of house Riegan. Saying more quietly afterwards that it’s a harmless poison. Nader is grim about the contradiction, and Claude is insistent that it wouldn’t kill anybody, just slow their heart for a day or so, for easy transportation, or for the sake of hiding. He knows how it is. Nader can grab Claude by his collar and insist that while he might think he’s smart with his number of contingencies, he’s being wasteful of his youth if he’s thinking of poisoning himself for the sake of hiding - and it’s time to train. B Support can take place after Flayn’s disappearance and can have a mini montage of Claude in the library, Nader in the background; Claude in a classroom, Nader in the background; Claude in a hall, Nader in the background. Until we get to the dining hall, where Claude sighs and asks that unless Nader has business with him, can he please sit somewhere else? Nader can pretend to ignore him and say some rude things about bland boiled vegetables, and follow up with something about how, while it was strange that the Death Knight focused upon young ladies, there was something to be said about blood and magic and Crests here in Fodlan, and he would be irresponsible to not watch over Claude more closely for the coming weeks. Claude can point out that no other student has to suffer this, and that he knows better than any of them how to outrun a threat. Nader would concede, and it would be terse. A comment that he’d have been Nardel up to this, and instead we could just have “Oh you remember Nardel” in his cutscene instead, and Nader is just . trying to remember what it felt like to go by another name. Their A Support, hm. I guess it would come after Merceus, and we just wouldn’t have Judith shooing him away. “You didn’t tell them?” Nader is surprised, concerned. “You saw how they reacted.” Claude is nonchalant, hurt but recalculating his expectations. “I saw how you organized a victory at Merceus, how your enemies had to bring down the sky to stop us. Your allies are neither weak nor cowardly, but I still hesitate to call them warriors. If they can neither feel the bond of battle nor in breaking bread, then they will never be friends of yours. You had me bring soldiers halfway around the world to die for these people-” “The troubles in Fodlan won’t be contained here if the-” “What makes you say that? They always have been, before.” “I am proof that they’re not, Nader. Me. Look at me. Their conflicts reached Almyra decades ago. You know I’m not the only victim.” “I would not call you a victim.” “Heh. Slip of the tongue.” “For better or worse then. There are people loyal to you, and I will always march ahead of them. May our victories bring peace.” “Thank you. I’ll bring us home. I’ve always intended to bring us home, it’s just that this war has...” “I know, kiddo. I know.”

Seteth. C Support, an interview in Seteth’s office. Seteth, “I’m surprised House Riegan speaks so highly of a retainer of Almyran-descent. But I can find no reason to fault you, or withhold you your duties. You will have as much reign of the Academy as the students, though you may find yourself more highly scrutinized by the guards.” Nader, nodding, “Prudent.” “You seem amused. Have I said something untoward?” Nader, chuckling, “Not at all. If anything you’re amazingly polite. I’d been half prepared to be turned around at the gates.” “I could still arrange for your removal, but there have been ... stranger admittances to the Academy as of late.” “Ah! You’re speaking of your latest professor-?” “I will not gossip.” “Of course. Too polite.” Forehead vein bulging Seteth, “The kindness of the Goddess is to be emulated. Gossip is rarely kind, whether it is polite is irrelevant.” B Support, in the stables Nader asks how old Seteth was when he learned to ride a wyvern. Seteth says he was a young man, that it feels like an age ago. Nader expresses the same, that it is a coming of age in Almyra. He asks the name of Seteth’s wyvern, who introduces a beast but is very clear that he does not own one, that they belong to the Church, which Nader finds rather sad. Seteth assures him that it is no bother, that the Church has meant much to him since his wife’s passing, and that if all the Church has given him and Flayn has a price, he will pay it a thousand times over. Nader will comment that watching over a child or sibling can make you feel grateful for water, when all are worthy to it, and that Seteth shouldn’t lose sight of this. That the students will face challenges beyond his control, Flayn included, and every helping hand is not a demand for recompense. Seteth will bristle a little, but agree. B+ Support, Nader gives Seteth a little wooden or jade wyvern, pick your poison (I like jade). “What’s this?” “A wyvern, for yourself. To have. To name. To sell, if you’d rather. It just felt ... appropriate, for you to have one.” When Seteth doesn’t respond for a long time, Nader can apologize, he wasn’t aware of there being a rule in the Church of Seiros about gifts, but if Seteth’s silence is because he can’t find the words to refuse, but Seteth will say no, it’s just unexpected. That it’s a lovely gift and that he’s honored Nader would have given him any thought. Nader says he is learning that trust can be earned off the battlefield as much as on it, and that he’s glad to have friends to think of. Seteth can comment that it was perhaps rude of him not to ask before, and ask for Nader’s wyvern’s name. It can be supplied and attributed to an Almyran constellation. Their A Support, after Merceus, in a field at night. They share a bottle of wine and Nader is pointing out the relevant constellation. Seteth agrees that he sees it. Nader says he’s surprised Seteth still came to sit with him, after everything. Seteth confesses that he was surprised to discover that Nader had been going by a fake name ... and that his victories should be a matter of personal conflict, but that he too has killed people in Fodlan, the Goddess’ chosen people, and the saints had yet to strike him down. He drinks, and giggles. “It will be good to meet you, Nader.” “There may be things I cannot tell you, but I should say you know me well enough.” “Well enough for what?” “To call me a friend?” “You know I ... I lost your wyvern. When we fled the monastery, all those years ago. I may not be the most trustworthy of friends.” “Time will tell,” Nader concedes, drinking. He continues, “But for now, I would have you at my back, come ruin and consequence.” “To the present,” Seteth toasts. “To the present.”

Cyril. C Support, Nader asks Cyril where he was taken from? Cyril asks him why it matters. Nader instead asks if there are other Almyrans working in the monastery? Cyril says it’s none of his business. Nader is surprised, and comments upon whatever laborous task they have Cyril performing, and Cyril will reply that he’s strong enough to do his work. Nader says he didn’t mean to suggest otherwise, he was just trying to - but Cyril will cut him off, saying he’s known men like him, he’s lived under men like him, that he might think he can show up and make demands of him just because he’s an Almyran, but that he works for Lady Rhea now, and his time is accounted for, he doesn’t owe Nader anything. Cue some version of Nader being left alone to observe that “that could’ve gone better.” B Support, starts in a black screen with the sound of breaking wood. Cyril is in the training grounds and his last three arrows missed their target. “Your left arm is too low,” Nader observes. Cyril jumps and scowls. “I have a teacher.” Nader raises his hands in surrender, “Then by all means.” The sound of a bow being pulled taut, and then being straightened. Cyril comments, “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” “Is this part of your duties?” “I need to be as prepared to defend Lady Rhea.” A missed shot. “From what?” asks Nader. “From anything,” Cyril answers. “That’s a lot to ask of anyone,” Nader observes. He continues, “But alright. Strong enough to defend one person? That’s a simple goal. It’s not as though you need to be strong enough to defend all of Garreg Mach, all of Fodlan, all of Almyra.” Cyril is catching his breath, “There’s a lot of people in Almyra.” “There is. Do you think they’re all like me?” “No,” Cyril answers, and explains, “no I know ya’ a bit now. There are men worse than you.” Nader chuckles sadly, “That’s true. Why don’t you try again?” “Yeah, alright. And then I should get back to work.” “Back to work?” “I’m supposed to be - err - I still need to clean the fireplace in the back.” Nader steps forward with a sigh. Cyril objects, “Hey what are you-?” “Your arm,” Nader repeats, “it’s too low. I thought it was your posture-” “What else would it be?” “You’re exhausted.” “Am not! I could go for hours yet.” “I don’t think your teacher would appreciate you practicing under these conditions.” Cyril makes the shot. Stares down Nader, walks off muttering, “Shows what you know.” A Support HAS TO FEATURE an apology from Nader that they were unable to defend Lady Rhea. Cyril insists it’s fine, because they’re going to get her back. Nader does not fight him on this point. He compliments what a fine fighter he’s become, and Cyril concedes that Nader’s been honorable too. That it isn’t the will of the Goddess for him to be arguing all the time, and that he shouldn’t have been so quick to distrust him. Nader thanks him, but isn’t smiling about it. He asks Cyril what his goals are for after Lady Rhea returns, and Cyril says he’ll defend her, as he always intended to, so that nothing like this happens ever again. Nader suggests that he consider that, rather than showing his devotion at Garreg Mach, that he could always emulate those virtues he sees in Lady Rhea at the border, where there are people and children like he was, who will need help navigating both Fodlan and Almyra when the war is done, and that he would be glad to support him, if he should ever find himself out that way. Cyril says he’d have to think about it, but that ... he does appreciate what Nader’s trying to do.

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #long post #my writing #why not put it in that tag this is fucking long enough #seteth fe3h #nader the undefeated

[majorshiraharu]

Personal Ramble - Feel free to ignore

Honestly, didn’t have the best day, despite not getting out of bed till like 1pm I still had to join in on lunch. I also had to eat a type of German apple desert so my throat was swollen for over an hour and I’ve just felt sick the rest of the day. I’m allergic to most fruits, but my mom gets extremely angry if I don’t eat what she makes, so I just take allergy meds and gotta eat it anyway because I don’t want to be yelled at. 

And when we were supposed to say what we were thankful for, my mom said the years she had with me before I got ill, so yeah, it sucked. She couldn’t even go one day without putting me down, not even for a holiday.... ugh.

Anyway, on a happier note, I’m thankful for everyone here. When I joined tumblr a few months back, I never thought I’d find so many amazing, talented, supportive and loving people. The support on here is really special and I’m thankful to be just a small part of it. I wish I had more energy, so I could interact with everyone, because I love you all and I want you to know that. <(’.’<) 

I’m thankful for my dad and brother because without their support I wouldn’t have a place to live, medical care or anything. And I’m thankful for my best friend who has always been there for me, even if I didn’t talk much. She got diagnosed with cancer a year after I got ill and both of us were still young and going to college. Sharing those experiences around the same time and having it affect our lives so similarly was strange, but also comforting to know I wasn’t alone. 

Last but not least, I’m thankful for the people I’ve been able to help in any way, or bring joy to this year. It means a lot to know that there are people I’ve had a positive impact on, especially during 2020.

This is a little more personal and sad at times, so warning about sad stuff and me talking about shitty people in my life, but I wanted to share this. Also, it let me have a good cry about the things I keep trying to repress. I made sure to end it on a cheerful note though because tldr; this blog has made me genuinely happy and gave me a purpose, which is not something I have really ever had.  

All my life I’ve struggled with being able to accept any good things I did, I never felt like I was enough. I never enjoyed things because I always felt like I needed to do everything perfectly and if I didn’t, it was a personal failure, it really tore apart my mental health and how I viewed myself.

So I was really scared to share my writing or art, they’ve always been a passion, but between teachers and my mom I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t write an essay for college projects without crying because I misspelled words so often, I cried in classes when I couldn’t read the questions on a test or if I couldn’t understand them. Even though I got really good grades I didn’t think I was smart, I always thought I was dumb, I thought I didn’t deserve those grades, and I felt like a fraud. But the reason I had those grades was because I overworked myself to get them, I was a perfectionist; I put everything I had into getting a good grade. Even if I got 100% on a test, if the teacher marked somewhere that I could have written something better or that my answer wasn’t exactly what they wanted it broke me. 

I wish I could explain how much it means to have people say that they liked what I did and slowly I’ve accepted that even if my work isn’t perfect; it doesn’t need to be for it to make someone happy. That’s never something I thought would happen. Sometimes I still feel like I don’t deserve it or I get impostor syndrome,  but I’m working hard on improving myself, even if people can’t see it. I hate that it takes so long to work through all my baggage, and I question if it’s worth it because I still don’t see a value in myself. But I see a value in other people, so I work on improving myself for them, I want to be better for them. I know that’s not the best mindset and that we should do things for ourselves, but it’s the only thing I have right now. 

I’ve almost died four times due to complications from my crohn’s. One of those times I was actually revived, and I don’t know how to explain it, but I guess in some people it pushes them to do more with their life. But for me it felt like my life was gone, I felt empty. Everything I worked all my life for was over and just being 17 at the time I didn’t know how to move on after that. All my friends were still going on with their lives, they finished college, some got married, and even my best friend who has cancer was able to go back to college and now started her own business. People expected I would go back to college or get a job, and some said if I couldn’t work I should at least get married to “a nice guy” :/ Because I was struggling so much I ended up being left behind by a lot of people, which hurt me even more. I know I wasn’t the most pleasant to be around; I was really depressed and had no energy left to hide it, I often got angry or just cried over stupid things. I hated it when people told me what to eat or do for my health; I hated it when people touched me because it’s triggering, and when people did those things I’d either have a panic attack or I’d get angry at them. The adults that I’ve known all my life blamed me for not moving on. Family and family friends either said hurtful things or stopped talking to me because I never had anything good to talk about, and I was “miserable to be around”.

They thought I was a waste of their time; they blamed me for having crohn’s even though it’s not at all my fault; they blamed me for ruining my parent's marriage, costing them so much money, and even when my dad got cancer a lot of people blamed me. They said all the stress I caused made him get it. Even after all these years they still say all this shit. My mom reminds me every day that she blames me for everything and that my health problems ruined her life, (like how the hell do you think I feel ma) but then she also says my health problems aren’t real and I just need to imagine that I’m healthy again. She also insists that I need to fix the relationship I have with her, despite her being the one that ruined it when she told me after I got diagnosed that I wasn’t her daughter anymore. Also, somehow she’s mad at me for still holding a grudge against her for that, and also the other times she said something much worse to me, like she expects me to forgive her, and she’ll also tell me I have to forgive myself. I’m not the one who was a garbage person and idk you’d think that adults, let alone your own mother, would be better than this...

Sorry for this random dump of my emotions and life problems, it’s a bad habit. I’m not good at sharing this one on one with people because it makes me anxious. And I don’t share it with people I know in real life because most of them are family friends and don’t know how to keep personal stuff a secret.  I’m lucky enough to have access to getting mental health counseling, and that it has helped me some, it’s just a lot to go through. 

Thank you again for your support and treating me like an actual person that deserves to be happy. This blog makes me feel like I have a purpose again and that this time it’s something I can take my time on and have fun with. And I have a goal, something to look forward to. One day I’d like to write a book. I’d like to write a book that’s based on my life, idk like some silly teenage novel or something xD I went through so much, and I guess I want to find a good reason for all the bad, I want to turn the horrible stuff into something that’s not a negative. 

I love you all <3 I hope everyone is healthy and safe, if anyone ever needs someone to talk to my dm’s and asks are always open. I’m better at offering help than I am at accepting it xD also a habit I need to work on lol and if you read through all of this, idk why, but ty and sorry it was so long. 

#personal #real talk #oversharing again because I'm the big dumb #delete later #love you all so much and i'm so thankful for being part of this community <3

[thesunnyshow]

Name: Raya 

Writing Blog URL(s): @gohyuck (and @ultsoobins for txt and @fullsins for smut but I’m not on those as often)

What fandom(s) do you write for?

Just NCT right now (ultsoobins is on hiatus)

Age: 18 

Nationality: Indian-American 

Languages: English, Bengali, school level Spanish 

Star Sign: Scorpio (and i’m scorpio dominant but the more you read of this interview the more obvious that will become)

MBTI: ENTJ or ENFJ it seems to keep switching 

Favorite color: Any shades of green, beige

Favorite movie: This is tough,,,, Parasite or Good Will hHnting as of right now 

Favorite ice cream flavor: Magnum’s raspberry + dark chocolate

Favorite animal: Elephants and big dogs

Go-to karaoke song: Rolling in the deep - Adele

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering?

Coffee milk tea with boba

Dream job (whether you have a job or not) 

We’ll see where the tide takes me but i’m majoring in electrical and computer engineering

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? 

Ability to control probability (ex. making it a 100% chance I’ll wake up with a couple million dollars in the bank) 

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? 

Colonial America 

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? 

God no 

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? 

100 chicken sized horses 

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? 

Smart nerdy girl who’s literally always right but somehow never gets listened to

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures?

Yes

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? 

I performed at Carnegie hall once which was fun and fresh 

When did you post your first piece? 

I used to write for Astro first and I think my first post was in 2016 and for Astro 

Why did you start writing on Tumblr? 

There was a deficit of Astro writers and i felt the need to start filling that gap

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why?

Fluff angst and suggestive on gohyuck and straight up pwp on whoredhrs because I like that separation between soft and hard hours… I tend to have more than one genre in a fic I like the complexity

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? 

I only write x readers 

Who is your favorite person to write about? 

Used to be Mark Lee, currently probably Jeno or Hyuck

What inspires you to write?

Music and validation from followers AND REVIEWS holy fuck do reviews help

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? 

Slice of life type things, things that are mundane but too real to ignore 

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? 

Big fan of f2l, e2l, fwb2l… I can’t stand extra member aus and I’m not a big fan of age gaps between the characters

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? 

Listen to music

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful?

Favorite… right now it’s my 37.5% series for Hyuck’s birthday. Most successful is disconnected, a Mark fic

What do you think makes a good story? 

Imagery and heart and if it makes me feel like i’m there

What is your writing process like? 

I sit down and just write... I’d never planned a fic until I started writing one that I realized was going to be over 20k words

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? 

Original prose takes more thought pertaining to characteristics and personalities of characters. With fanfiction you have character models to go off of

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? 

Yes!

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? 

On a scale of 1 to 10? An 8. I write want I want but I really want others to enjoy my work

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? 

Idk if I’m successful or not but I think I’m quite genuine and fairly kind and I feel like that’s given me a decent reputation and helped me out with engagement

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? 

I’m sure they have, but it hasn’t occurred often enough for me to directly know about it

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? 

I want you to feel something, anything, and feel it deeply, whether that’s happiness or sadness or anger or whatever

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? 

I think the stigma is that we all write badly or we’re all delusional, neither of which are true. I would say that we get unfairly judged sometimes, yes.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? 

Whenever that has happened I’ve taken a 4-6 month hiatus to collect myself

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? 

My irl best friend follows gohyuck!! Sometimes you’ll see her in my askbox even though she isn’t a kpop stan outside of BTS. My parents know but my dad is insistent that I monetize myself somehow, but that’s not going to happen. Otherwise I don’t know if my other irls know or not

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? 

Interact more! Message me, dm me, reblog/leave tags… it goes a long way even on nonwriting posts 

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there?

Take the leap. What’s the worst that could happen?

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? 

Everyday because the site’s recent technical issues have me wanting to $&*&;@  

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? 

Admittedly most of my mutuals are quite recent and the one mutual/very close friend of mine who comes to mind no longer writes on tumblr but her @ is @hyu-ck. She’s forgotten her password so she won’t be back anytime soon but yeah check her out 

Do you think art can be a medium for change? 

Humans were made to create and to change. what better way to work towards the latter than by utilizing the former?

Ending Thoughts: 

Do good recklessly.

BONUS: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

Interested in your very own episode of The Sunny Show? Find out how to apply here.

#@gohyuck #@ultsoobins #@fullsins #thesunnyshow #featuredauthor #episode 9 #nct #txt

[bangtansfavwriter]

🌷taehyung having a crush on you🌷

(it had to be a gif w tannie ☺️💜)

-you're oblivious to the fact he's crushing on you bc he actually hides it pretty well (he wouldn't even blush or anything around you so it was actually pretty hard to figure it out, it was like a running gag between you and him that you'd make him blush one day, he was always like "you won't catch me blushing, ever" and you were like "we'll see about that posh spice")

-tbh when u guys first met, he was really reserved and took quite a while to open up to you

-he had this noir vibe when you first got to know him and he was quite the starer

- he was intimidating for sure, but the more you got to know him you saw that he's an absolute sweetheart

-now he's definitely brighter around you, smiles a lot and is more goofy

- will touch you a lot, he'll do it subtly though... you'll start to experience what a big effect a small touch can have

- makes time for you despite his busy schedule, hanging out with you is actually balancing for him and this is actually insanely fascinating for him, bc he tries to understand how it's possible that everything hectic in his life disappears as soon as he's together with you

-he's always dressed to the nines, even his casual attire is chicer than half of your wardrobe tbh

-very responsible, will help you get shit done and always has your back

-you once had trouble with your landlord bc this grumpy old fart really had the nerve to raise your rent when he didn't even bother fixing issues you've raised a complaint about

-taehyung listened to your rant while you were talking with a friend on the phone

-he asked some questions about your landlord after, it seemed pretty random to you and you didn't think about it much

-anyway, the issues in your flat were solved within 2 weeks and your landlord informed you that there will be no raise after all + he looked pretty nervous

- you asked him what made him change his mind and he just did the v pose

(you: , landlord: isn't this what youngsters do? hah..ha... *laughs nervously and leaves*, you: ???????)

-you told taehyung about the whole thing

you: i swear this man is on crack or something, he looks paranoid as hell lately

taehyung: yeah.... it must be .... the crack........ (😌)

-honestly he's your rock, he's forgetful sometimes but you still can always rely on him, no matter the weather

-sometimes taehyung can't express his thoughts properly but he can always count on you to understand what he wants to say.. he was quite baffled about that at first, but then you explained to him how the vibes of a person can sometimes say far more than words can express and that and that you would always understand his heart and, my dear, was the first time he wanted to kiss you

-he would ask you all sorts of questions bc he'd just love to hear you talk and learn about the way you think

- and he grew more and more comfortable around you, so his walls slowly crumbled around you with each joke you made and each secret you've shared with him

-and whenever he spoke about his dreams and future plans he included you like it was something completely natural and you could feel your heart race whenever he said something about this

-will take you the his favourite spots in the city and tell you his about his favourite memories he made there

-you guys would also go on long walks together, btw you meeting yeontan was one of the best days of his life tbh and this fluffy lil fella also loved you so much that tae was like "...are you kidding?" but he secretly loved it and filmed you with tannie very very often

-also, one time he left tannie in your care bc he was busy and he wasn't able to leave him with his parents on short notice... tae had spare keys to your flat anyway, so you just told him to come to yours whenever he was done

-and so he did and... he clutched his chest and was like "have mercy with my heart" because you and yeontan were cuddled together on your bed and fast asleep

-and tae stood there at your bedroom's door frame with the biggest smile on his face and tried so hard not to squeal bc this was one of the cutest things he'd ever seen, so he did what he had to do and took a picture of you two and then layed down next to you and fell asleep

-the next morning, you woke up to yeontan trampling over your chest and then hopping off the bed

-you closed your eyes again but you could still hear light snores next to you, so you turned around you were face to face with taehyung.... who's still so damn handsome that it's almost unfair bc you were pretty sure you probably drooled at some point... but he was still taking your breath away even with his slightly puffy face and messy hair

-you traced your fingers along his jawline and looked at him, thinking how lucky you must be... he snuck into your bed and now you were laying there, on a rainy morning.. like a couple that also happened to have the cutest dog

-you were caught by surprise when his eyes fluttered open and he looked at you, grinned and said "good morning' with his deep morning voice that made you all giddy... "I let myself in, I hope you don't mind..." and, sufficient to say, you did not, obviously. "tannie and you... looked pretty comfy, I wanted to join. oh, and would you mind continuing that?" he took your hand and put it to back to his face, but not without gently kissing the tip of your fingers. You smiled at him, cupped his cheek and caressed it. He slid his hands beneath your shirt and slowly pulled you closed to him, you hugged him and nestled your head against his chest. You were laying there with your legs intertwined and the only thing you heard was taehyung's rapid heart beat and the rain dribbling on your window, a moment which was the closest thing to bliss... a moment that was interrupted by his phone going off and yeontan appearing out off nowhere, jumping on the bed and running over you. taehyung groaned and grabbed his phone, as you giggled and took yeontan in your arms and cuddled him when taehyung had get up. you knew by his apologetic look that this was work and that your moment of bliss was now officially over.

-taehyung was equally upset about this, both didn't try to show the other but yeah, both of you loved the moment you shared and hated the fact that it was cut short bc bangtan had to do a re-recording

-taehyung left yeontan in your care again since you had the weekend off and promised to be back as soon as possible, to take continue where you left off. he was back at 1:28 am & drunk off his ass, turns out the boys insisted on going for drinks to celebrate that they were done with the songs and taehyung couldn't say no

-yeontan fell asleep after the 3rd walk you took him on and didn't even wake up when tae started making all that noise when he was back.

-tae's went straight for your bed and crashed there. His phone rang and you picked up after seeing it was namjoon, who got an earful from you bc you were pretty sure they didn't wanna deal with drunk tae and left him in your care, but namjoon sincerely explained to you that tae almost FOUGHT jin and yoongi when they wanted to take him to the dorms and that tae insisted on going to your place bc he had "important business" to do

you: tf is that supposed to mean?

nj: he said you need to talk things out or something. or tell you something? well, speaking is involved, idk and idc, im not too sober myself, so good night~

-maybe it was the sleep deprivation making you all mush-brained... but what if.... what if tae wanted to confess? after your cuddly morning it probably wouldn't be too far off to assume that, or would it?

-you laughed at yourself and went back to bed, where taehyung had hogged your duvet, so you got out another one and layed down.. taehyung tossed and turned, sighed and mumbled something

-drunk as he was, you didn't think much of it, apart from that, you were almost asleep, but he lifted himself from the bed and said your name

you: what is it, tae ?

him: I need to confess something

you: *suddenly wide awake* 👀👂

him: .... I.... I forgot to buy anchovies *falls back asleep*

you: KIM TAEHYUNG

him: ...huh?? what????

you: is that the important thing you had to tell me? the thing you told namjoon about??

-he turned around and looked at you with wide eyes, he, too was suddenly wide awake and from the look on his face you knew that this was in fact not about anchovies... "We'll talk tomorrow, when I'm sober again." ... you knew he was right, but curiosity has gotten the better of you. you agreed, but it took both of you quite a while to fall asleep again.

-you woke up the next morning, only to find the other half of your bed empty

-after throwing your pillow across the room, you got up, feeling a mixture of sadness, disappointment and anger

-he took yeontan with him too and didn't leave you a note nor a message explaining why he left

-you took a long shower, then got dressed and just as you were about to make breakfast... your front door opened and tae came in, with yeontan on a leash in one hand and a bag from your favourite bakery in the other

-you stared at him, completely bedazzled for a second but then glared at him, which took him by surprise. he smiled nervously... "what the hell, taehyung?" you said angrily, but deep down you were so damn relieved he was back. "We went for a walk and then I went to buy your favourites, since you always get up around this time" he said, while taking tannie's leash off, and smiled. "What did you think, hm?" - "well, I certainly didn't expect you to deal so well, looking at how you came in last night." - "oh you learn a thing or two when you're a performer" the two of you laughed and he knew he's off the hook. you started cutting fruits and he quickly joined you after he washed his hands. "so about that important thing from last night", he began and looked at you with a smile, as your cheeks blushed almost instantly, "I really wanted to make this right because this isn't something I want to do when I'm drunk. I think you understand that, right?". You tried very hard to hide go keep a straight face, but you couldn't hide your smile. Taehyung giggled. "Look at me..." he said with a husky tone that excited you even more. You looked at him with a raised eyebrow and smiled, as you knew what was coming and he smiled because you knew.

💕

epilogue

-you had noticed he put the pic of you and yeontan sleeping as his screensaver-

you: nice screensaver btw 👀

tae: *tries to keep his cool.. blushes v hard*

you: OH MY GOD

tae: STOP

#bts fluff #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts headcanons #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts x you #bts x reader #bts v #bts taehyung #kim taehyung #bangtan fluff #bangtan x reader #bangtan x you #bangtan #bts #v x reader #v x you #taehyung x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung imagine #taehyung scenarios #taehyung fluff #and our cameo star: #yeontan #mine