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itstheimpossibledream · 3 years

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Only A Play

Part 5

Word Count: 2213

Pairing: AU Henry x FemBlack!Reader

Warning: Smut, Angst, Some fluff

Summary: Can reader & Henry work out their differences or will they be better apart? Breakup sex? Idk it’s the finale let me know what you think!

“ and that’s when I packed my things and came to New York.” Henry finishes.

You’d been looking down at your hands, trying not to get lost in his features while he spoke, knowing the tabloids would make a day out of it. Angling the photograph and captioning it something cheesy about ‘love being in the air’ or the fact that you’re ‘just in time for Valentine’s Day’. The dating speculations you could take but, the photographic evidence that made your mom ask questions was a different story entirely.Since the show had opened the two of you toured from interview to interview and then performed at night. The day usually culminating in a needy fuck at his apartment or in your dressing room if he couldn’t wait. You stayed at his place often and while it was still mostly in booty-call territory, (despite the previous year of apartment crashing and drunk declarations of love) the dinners and breakfasts remained consistent. You answered the interviewer’s questions calmly but,nothing could have prepared you for the final follow up. He turns to Henry, “And so aside from your new relationship(he motions to you),have you made any other friends during your time in New York?” He only hesitated slightly,before answering. He smirks but,the curve of his lip is gone before you know it. “I have really enjoyed working with her, and I hope our artistic relationship will flourish long after this production has ended.” he smiles diplomatically while reaching for your hand.“As far as new friends I believe my doorman Jason and I have gotten pretty close.” he laughs. When he laughs, the whole world laughs with him and the audience is no exception.Eventually , the hours of embarrassment have passed and you’re being rushed back into a cab to Henry’s apartment.

“So what was that?” you say as he closes the door, sliding into the car behind you.

“What?” he asks blissfully unaware of your annoyance.

“That whole continuing relationship thing?”you push.

“I said artistic relationship.” he corrected sternly.

“ You gave them ammo.” you cut back quickly.

“And so what? Two people in a romantic play together are speculated to date?How awful.” He grumbles.

“You don’t get to make a choice like that before talking to me about it.”

“It wasn’t a choice, it was the truth.” he quips back sternly.

“A truth that will put the tabloids on my ass.It’s been bad since we opened the show but, you and I both know this is only going to make it worse.” you mirrored his tone, clearly losing your cool at the idea of being followed to your apartment by cameras.

“Well you can stay with me as long as you need.” He says, firmly setting his jaw.You roll your eyes towards the window, Watching the people who pass by.

“So, this is what it was about? control ?”

“Please!” He scoffs “I don’t need the paparazzi holding your apartment hostage,to get you to stay at my place.You’re practically there every night anyway.” It comes out sounding like more of a complaint than he had meant for it to. Your blood boils with resentment of his comfortability.You can feel the heaviness in your eyes when the car pulls up to his ‘flat’. A term you had started using sarcastically but had slowly begun to stick. Even now, you despised that while being a convenient fuck , he had permeated your subconscious enough to make you even think to refer to it as a flat.

“What’s on your mind?” he finally asked, breaking the silence that had been holding court in the elevator. He didn’t sound like he really wanted to know, infact he seemed like he was solely asking for courteous purposes and that was it. You turned your entire body to face him, you could feel that no matter how hard you were trying your face had begun to break.

“You know, you were right. There’s no reason for me to be here.” your lips upturned in a smile as you saw the glassyness of your eyes reflected in his face. It was an odd pain , not one you could name but, one you knew without a doubt was real. You had shared something special, he knew that. But, anyone could see that the lack of compatibility outside of the bedroom left the relationship forever doomed.He rolled his tongue between his lips and you couldn’t help but think of how blissful the silence was between you two. Someone had to say it, and in true fashion Henry was not strong enough.

“ What are you talking about?!” He followed behind you into the hallway as you fled the elevator, opening the door to the apartment.

“We aren’t compatible Henry. You don’t get me. My lifestyle, my friends,my choices; you think it’s all a fucking joke or something. Well, it’s not,It’s not a fucking joke.It’s my real life. I know we play and talk about how much money you make but when it comes down to it I’ve never seen you put a red cent to helping anyone else. But, you watch me tithe everything I earn to give back to the communities that raised me. If you wanted to be with me, like really wanted to be with me,you would have already invested yourself in the things I find important. Instead, what you do is stand on red carpet at a black, trans fundraising gala and steal the attention once again.”

“I thought you were mad about the interview, now you’re mad about the gala?!?”

“I’m mad about all of it!” you screamed directly into his beautifully manicured face. Not an eyelash out of place and yet he still couldn’t contend with the neatening of his moral compass.

“I’m mad because you center yourself in any safe space for people of color I take you to.I’m mad because you don’t ask for my opinion or consent before doing anything, because you don’t care.Actually, I’m not even mad anymore.I just see it for what it is.”The tears had started to slowly flow now, and while your pride kept you from full on sobs,a total breakdown was on it’s way without a doubt. You removed your bag from your shoulder,sitting it in the chair by the door and headed to your bedroom. You had graduated from the guest bedroom, to mostly staying in Henry’s bed with him, a convenience thing really.

“And what is it?” he asked , finally unable to continue being berated by you.

“A mistake.” you said calmly, what had to be mere minutes felt like passing hours, the two of you standing there, looking at eachother, seeing the relationship for what it was.

He spoke first.

“I love you.” his baritone timbre you had become so accustomed to sounded far away, you questioned if you had even heard him clearly.

“I love you, does that not matter to you at all?”he sounded stern, almost scolding you for not immediately reciprocating his affection.

“It’s not real Hen.” you said between tears “Someone who loves me, wouldn’t need me to explain all the ways his privilege consistently harms me. I wouldn’t have to ask him to donate to causes I’m passionate about, causes I’ve devoted my whole life to getting fundraising for. Someone who loves me would not make party conversation about how their black girlfriend has to sleep with a bonnet on.” He was silent,now. He stepped towards you, closing the void of misunderstanding.

“I'm sorry that I ever made you feel as though you aren’t the most important thing in the world to me.” He kissed your forehead, and then on the top of your head.

He whispered into your hair but, you could feel his voice reverberating through your curls.

“Can we not fight tonight ?” You exhaled, relaxing the weight of your body into his. You didn’t have to fight anymore because you heard his answer loud and clear. He didn’t want to fight because he couldn’t. He could not think of something important enough to cause him discomfort,couldn’t think of anything worth his unhappiness. He placed his hands on either side of your face, pulling you in for a kiss. You kissed him back slowly, making up your mind to give in to your emotions for one last time. A spark went through your body as you felt his hands trail their way over your curves. You tugged at the bottom of his t-shirt and he quickly obliged,pulling it over his head. He lightly pushes you towards the bed and when he rolls ontop of you it feels more like a safety net than a sexual maneuver. Even as he undresses you, slowly, kissing over your body. He touches you so gently,assigning value to every square inch of your skin.Before long he’s looking into your eyes as he thrusts into you, rutting his way inside you of.Your breath hitches as you begin to synchronize your breathing with his, becoming one, breathing as one whole. He held the backs of your knees, pushing them up further into your chest.You cried out at the depth of the new angle and he smiled, moving a hand from the back of your knee to your neck, lightly applying pressure. You loved his hand around your throat, the way his veins looked, the muscles in his arm , all of it. And he knew that, he was pulling out all of his best moves tonight.

“You’re so bloody beautiful right now.so tight for me.” He murmured close, into your ear.

His dirty talk alone sent you over the edge but, the added view, from this angle of his body was everything a partner could want. He moaned as he pushed into you , the result of your walls tightening around him. Your spasms brought him over the edge,as he came into you.You latched your nails onto the skin of his back, clawing for safety in his embrace.

“I love you. I love you.”he said in between kisses as he came down from the high of physical contact. “I love you too.” you returned the words, because they were true and in that moment, nothing could have been more honest.He rolled over onto his back and you snuggled up next to him.

“I do love you” he whispers into your hair. The room is dark,aside from a sliver of light where the moon shone through the blinds. He slowly runs a hand over your hair and down your back.

“Then why haven’t I met your parents yet?” you sighed,turning your head upwards to face him.

The loudest silence of the night fell over the room, that was what made it real to him. He couldn’t deny it anymore. Even he knew, he had never invited you to visit his family, or even out to dinner when they were visiting in the states. You didn’t know if it was that he was embarrassed , or that he just didn’t know how to tell them. You weren’t even upset anymore, as much as you were resigned to the fact that you had to begin putting yourself first, to choose your needs first. And whether you wanted to admit it or not, if you were honest with yourself you knew he wasn’t the one. His brows furrowed and you could tell he was running through every possible response. His hand smoothed it’s way over your hair again and while you had resigned to the fact that it was over you couldn’t help but allow a piece of your heart to break as you saw his eyes become glassy.

Before long he was fast asleep above you. Henry would be leaving the show, for another movie gig in two weeks but, since the first rehearsal you hadn’t spent a day without Henry, or Kal for that matter. Sun peeked through the shades as you redressed yourself in the dark , you couldn’t be sure if this was something you wanted, or simply something you knew you had to do. You looked back at that beautiful apartment one more time,and then finally closed the door behind you. You recall the first time you entered the building, that day you had been instructed to bond as you step into the elevator. Watching the city below through the glass,a flicker of light catches your attention, then another and you realize it’s snowing. It had been a full year since the first time you had actually spoken to him. The doorman held the door for you,as you sparked your lighter. Touching the flame to the end of your cig as you stroll down the street.

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dameronology · 3 years

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cold coffee in the morning {poe dameron}

summary: aka the one where you and poe can't seem to work out your commitment issues, and also the one where c3po is the unsung hero (based loosely on the song by ed sheeran)

warnings: language, brief innuendos

enjoy! idk why i'm writing this at 3am but we mooooove

- jazz xx

Poe Dameron had never needed another person before - then he met you, and the idea of ever existing as an independent being for the rest of his living years had suddenly seemed like the most unappealing thing since Luke Skywalker's blue-milk cheesecake. The way you'd whirlwhinded into his life with your gorgeous smile and contagious laugh had knocked the usually-suave pilot completely and utterly onto the floor. Bruised ass aside, he wasn't mad about it. He was happy to have you in his life in whatever way you'd let him.

And what way that was exactly, he didn't know.

You were friends; close, close friends. Bonded for life through your shared goofy humour and seemingly-endless banter. Then you did things that friends didn't normally do - at least not in Poe's experience - and you would act like it was nothing. As if your nights spent together and the whispers you lost between the sheets meant as much to you as the things you did for your other friends, like stopping Finn from tripping on his shoe laces or picking up R2-D2 when he toppled over. It was as though every-time you crossed that line, you immediately regretted it; then, a few days later, you'd decide that you missed Poe, and you'd repeat the same mistake again and again, like you were trapped in a time loop of love and pain.

The feeling would stay with Poe for days; your hands tangled in his hair, his skin against yours, laughter rippling through clashing teeth and soft lips. The way you fell beside each other, sharing highs and secrets and inside jokes; the way you would reference one of your late night talks in shared conversations with friends, and his brown eyes would flick to the ground, cheeks burning red at the fact you'd remembered. It made his heart-rate pick up and palms sweaty.

And sometimes, just sometimes, it would make up for the way you'd leave in the morning; the way he'd arise to find a you-size hole in his bed and heart, and a cup of half-finished caff on the side. With his brain tinged with the remains of a hangover from the previous night, he'd pour the cold beverage down the sink and go about his day.

Poe did manage to catch you one morning; he'd purposely set his alarm so that he would stir earlier than you and rest assured, you were still dead to the world when he came around. The sun outside was still rising, the sky a dull pink-and-blue, the day fresh with hope and brimming with potential for heartbreak. It felt unnatural to see you quiet and peaceful, and not running your mouth and poking fun at anyone who would listen. There was a reason that C3PO avoided you like the plague - it wasn't his fault he was an easy target.

"You watching me sleep, creep?" You murmured.

"Just enjoying the view." Poe replied. He rolled over, crossing his arms behind his head. "You're usually gone by the time I'm awake."

You peeled one eye open, your one-eyed glare enough to send a shiver down his spine. "Don't be passive aggressive, Poe. Just say it."

"Isn't it a little early to be so feisty?"

"Isn't it a little early to make back-handed comments?" You shot back.

"Sorry. I was trying to find a way to bring up such a touchy subject."

You reached across to squeeze his check. "And you did a great job, curly."

"Alright, that's enough of that." He swatted your hand away. "I did want to talk to you about it, though."

"What is there to talk about?" You sat up, brow furrowing.

"You're confusing." Poe began. "During the day, we're friends. At night, you can't keep your hands off of me."

"It's kind of sexy and mysterious." You tried to joke.

"Sexy and mysterious is tiring."

"Sexy and mysterious is also late for work." You quipped.

You rolled out of bed, reaching for your strewn clothes. Without thinking, you pulled one of Poe's shirts over your head, grabbing your boots and socks. So many of his clothes had just snuck their way into your wardrobe - all of your friends had noticed it, but none of them commented on it. Everybody knew that there was something going on between you, but they were wise enough than to point it out. There had been one new guy who tried to ask, but he'd quickly been shut down.

"I'll see you tonight?" You asked, tugging on Poe's your jacket.

His brown eyes lingered on the floor for a moment, before flicking towards you, holding your gaze in a chokehold. "I don't think we should do this again."

You wavered for a moment, a wave of guilt clouding your judgement for a moment. This had never been about feelings - at least not for you. It had just a bit of fun; a bit of fooling around with a hot pilot. You hadn't meant to get in so deep, or get to a point where you were dismissing his feelings in favour of your own. It was more of a survival instinct than anything - breaking his heart to save your own.

That was it: lack of trust, presence of fear. All things that stopped you taking the full plunge, simply for the worry of letting him hurt you - or worst, you hurting him. Maybe it was a little late to start worrying about the latter. That ship had sailed a long time ago. Maybe it had sunk too.

"Poe-" you began, before pausing. "I have a lot going on in my life. I just don't have room for anything real right now."

"I thought the same." He was still staring right at you. "So I made room."

"It's not that simple." You reminded him. "It's not like...decluttering a room. I can't just Marie Kondo that shit and declare my love for you."

Poe froze at the mention of the L-word. It had been an elephant in the room for a long, long time - but it was outdone by the presence of bigger elephants. Like the ongoing war, and the fact that mortality had never seemed so fucking relevant. It was something you wanted to put a pin in for later, but later wasn't something that was guaranteed these days.

"Fine." He shrugged. "Good talk."

The guilt weighed on your brain for days, like a lead hat made of bullshit and regret.

You hadn't realised how much of a hole Poe Dameron left in your life until he was gone -- it was massive, like someone had broken into your home and ripped out two of the walls during a harsh winter storm. Everything felt a little colder and more confusing, and the amount of times you'd had to resist temptation to find him and beg for forgiveness was astounding.

The only reason you hadn't done so was because you knew what you would have to do. Give into your feelings, and let yourself become fully and entirely his. Let him into your life and into your heart. All the bullshit you'd spewed about not having room had been just that: bullshit. You didn't need to make room for him in your heart when he, entirely and wholly, was your heart. And he'd taken a little bit of it with him when he walked away - well, when you'd walked away.

Is this how it felt to be the villain?

"Is everything okay, master?" The sound of your favourite droid brought you back to the present. "You're being uncharacteristically quiet. On average, you've usually said 356 words by 9AM."

"You keep count?" You glanced up from your paperwork, eyebrow quirked. "I'm fine. Just tired."

"Eight of ten times that you've said that, you haven't been fine-"

"- just give it a rest, Threepio." You cut him off. "Please?"

"If there's anything I can help with, let me know." He replied. "A droid's logic can be surprisingly helpful."

"I'm fine but thank-" you stopped in your tracks, pondering for a moment.

Logic. That was certainly something you lacked - the part of your brain that was supposed to be rational was too busy thinking about hot pilots.

"Master?"

"Sorry." You blinked. "Maybe I'll have your input on something."

"Please, go on."

"I love someone and he loves me." You said. "It's just very complicated."

"If a problem can be reduced down to seven words, I would not class that as a problem." Threepio said. "I would say a problem is at least thirty words or more."

You thinned your eyes at him. "What are you saying, goldilocks?"

"Perhaps, your problem is only a problem because you think it is." He replied. "When you lay things out and look at them logically, it can make more sense."

"Logic isn't my strong-point. You know that better than anyone."

"You love Master Dameron and he loves you-"

"- I never mentioned names."

"My apologies." Threepio said. "I was simply reading the room."

"Right."

"Remove your emotions, and those are the facts." He continued.

It was bad enough when Poe was right, but it was even worse when C3PO was. But, for all his theatrics and whining, he was right. Decisions made with logic rather than emotion always had a better outcome. It was plain and simple: you and Poe loved one another. Everything else - your fear and his dismissiveness and your collective confusion - only existed because you let it. But your feelings for each other? That was something you couldn't help.

"Right - thanks." You murmured. "I'll be right back."

You quickly stood up, tossing aside your datapad and immediately exiting the room. The base was small, and Poe was never that far away, even when the room was on the furthest side of the base. It was also your favourite place in the entire camp; it was covered in photos of you and him and your friends, and it was always warm. The mixture of sentimental clutter and little knick-knacks, paired with the gentle smell of his aftershave clinging to the sheets and clothes scattered around, made it feel like an actual home.

You didn't bother knocking - that formality had gone out the window long ago. Instead, you took a deep breath and gently opened the door. There was no certainty that he would even be in - you could only hope. The chances of him being anywhere else were pretty slim.

They'd worked in your favour today, because Poe was stood by his coffee machine, a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was wild and curly and there were still drops of water on his back.

He turned around when he saw you, brow furrowing. Mostly because he had never seen you so breathless and sweaty, but also because he hadn't expected you to ever talk to him again. He'd always known you to stick by your decisions - he normally admired your stubbornness, but as of recent, it had been fucking exhausting.

"Hi-"

"- I love you." You suddenly blurted. "Hi."

"I-" Poe paused, putting down his coffee. "What?"

"I love you. More than anything in the world, ever." You shrugged. "That terrifies me, but I can deal with fear."

"You can. You're pretty bad-ass." He casually nodded.

"Right." You smiled. "I'm sorry it took me so long to say that."

"Hey, it's okay." He gently smiled. "Come here."

You met half way across the room, bodies colliding in a tight hug. His warm, post-shower skin felt like heaven against yours, large hands dragging up and down your back. He consumed everyone one of your senses at once, but mostly, he consumed your ability to think. Your brain was so over-loaded with feelings that the rest of it completely broke down and malfunctioned - kind of like the time you spilt coffee on BB-8.

"I love you too, by the way." Poe gently murmured. You let out a small chuckle.

"I know." You smiled.

"What made you say it now?"

"Threepio said something about logic." You muttered. "The only logical thing for two people who love each other to do is be together, right?"

"I mean, I can think of other things-"

"- Poe!" You whacked his shoulder.

It was though you had untangled your feelings, and the only thing left was a line that went straight from him to you.

"You're right." Poe said. "Thank you for realising it."

You smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "Thank you for being patient."

"It's worth it." He couldn't help but grin. "Do you want some caff? It's still warm."

tags: @anetteaneta @poestardust @marvelinsanity

#i want a POE now please #idk why i even wrote this #hoe well #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron fluff #poe dameron blurb #poe dameron x reader #poe imagine #star wars fanfiction #star wars x reader #star wars imagine #star wars fluff #star wars x you #star wars angst #star wars imagines

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djarrex · 3 years

Text

Countermeasures || 3

Anomaly

Fives x ofc!reader

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| main masterlist | series masterlist | read on ao3 |

Rating: 18+ only

Word Count: 5.7k

chapter summary: Agreeing to help Fives proves to be both good and bad.

warnings: canon character death, a sprinkle of fluff (Fives can be soft but we all know he’s quite the opposite in the right contexts 😉), a dash of sexual tension, a dollop of groping, tons of inappropriate thoughts - lordy lord get some cold water splashed on them

note: I broke away from including Fives’ POV in this chapter. It may come back in the future, idk yet. This is the first real series I’ve written and I’m extremely grateful for the pals I’ve met on here who reblog and like my work <3 Tbh I’m having a ton of fun writing this because not only does it give me an excuse to watch the conspiracy arc a bunch of times for the details but I also get to write about Renna and Fives and I love them both and I just want them to fuck already.

***

This was crazy. How did you of all people end up in a situation such as this.

By “this”, you were referring to the strong embrace you were trapped in - the ARC trooper you’re shamefully crushing on being the captor.

No, you definitely were not complaining.

After agreeing to help him, Fives you pulled into his body, his strong arms finding their way around your back holding you steady. Large palms nearly covered the expanse of your back, the heat from his skin burning holes right through your outer layers and into your flesh. Your face was practically smushed into his broad chest, your arms dangling awkwardly at your sides. The weight of Fives’ chin was pressing into your scalp. So many thoughts were swimming in your head as Fives held you as tight as he could without hurting you.

He was... hugging you. To be completely honest, you thought the two of you would fuck - or at least do something along those lines - before he hugged you. It was the energy he possessed that led you to that conclusion, but you were proven wrong.

You didn’t fight it - you knew how much it meant to him. These clones - these soldiers - were covered in plastoid from head to toe all day every day throughout their unfortunately short lives, and you figured they must be at least somewhat touch-starved. The way Fives held you was different than you thought he was capable of. You weren’t naïve; you knew the clones took off their armor at certain points, and hey, you knew that they even would have sex in their short spurts of time off. You read reports on clones who had contracted STD’s from their adventurous endeavors and were sent here to be treated. Even though they were created in a lab for the sole purpose of fighting in this ridiculous war, they were still men.

You wanted to keep up some at least some semblance of professionalism - to not touch Fives back, because quite honestly your body wanted more - but your heart started aching, and your body acted against your brain as your arms returned the embrace.

Fives was thick. The clones as a whole aren’t huge men; they aren’t fed nearly enough - that much you knew - and are relatively slim with a very low percentage of body fat compared to all the muscle they were designed to have. They’re not that much taller than you, either. However, you’ve never held a clone before. Fives’ back was like a bag of ropes; hard, thick, and you felt every single muscle so beautifully poking out of his skin even through the tunic. You allowed your hands to splay out over his back - to really feel him. You were completely lost in this moment, but you heard it - barely noticeable, but you heard it - Fives inhaled quietly through his nose, taking in your hair’s scent. You knew deep down that he didn’t mean for you to notice him smelling your hair, so you didn’t mention it. Butterflies flapped around in your stomach - then the butterflies quickly floated away and that feeling was exchanged with pure lust; the fire in your belly burning hot with desire.

You don’t know how long you held each other, but you needed to break away from him and get back to the matters at hand. You agreed to help him, and that’s what you’ll do. Maybe he’ll be so thankful for your help he’ll “hug” you again later.

“You do you have a plan, right, mister ARC trooper?” Breaking away from his embrace, you tried to shake your mind clear of any thoughts that didn’t include Tup.

“Of course I have a plan!” Fives’ tone suggested he was attempting to play off what had just happened, and it was cute. He walked over to the darkened window and kept his back turned to you. Perhaps he was trying to clear his thoughts as well. You wouldn’t know, but Fives was barely breathing in through his nose so that your scent lingered in his nostrils for as long as possible.

“Care to share?” You called to him, and Fives paused for a few moments before responding.

“Are you able to access all the equipment without the supervision of the long-necks?” He finally turned around, his brows raised. You blinked at him, just a little dumbfounded and slightly offended.

“Yes, Fives. Maker, I know how to work the kriffing equipment. I don’t need a babysitter.” You rolled your eyes then squinted them at him, crossing your arms to your chest with a huff.

“That’s not what I meant,” Fives chuckled as he approached you once again and placed a hand on your shoulder. “I meant, are you going to get in trouble if you’re working alone in there?” His gaze bore into you, making you feel slightly uneasy. Yeah, you knew how to work everything, of course. But this was all new territory for you; working - unauthorized – on a patient who wasn’t yours, performing an atomic brain scan unsupervised, breaking protocol…

“I- I’m not actually sure. I’ve never been explicitly told to not touch anything without them being there? I think it will be okay. It’s just that- that Dr. Nala Se said no to the scan. I don’t think she’ll like that I went behind her back and did it anyway. Although… I want to try everything in my power to save your friend.”

“Right. Then let’s get to it.”

“I’m sorry - let’s? You’re coming too? That doesn’t seem like a good-”

“It’ll be fine,” Fives quickly interjected. His confident tone faded with the next part: “Please. I want to be there - be there for Tup.” There they were again, those puppy dog eyes that get you every time. You doubt Fives even knows he’s doing it, but he had to catch on by now because you basically have never said no to him in the few short days you’ve known him. Your attraction to him made you break over and over again; this time was no different.

“Okay, fine. But you need to stay hidden.”

“I’m ‘Mr. ARC Trooper’, remember? I’ve been trained in the arts of being sneaky.” Wiggling his fingers and brows at you with a cheeky grin, you laughed and punched him in the shoulder. His grin only grew.

“Yeah whatever. Just follow me.”

You were the first to exit Fives’ room, peeking your head just outside the door to get a feel of the surrounding area. No guards in sight at the moment, so now was the perfect time to go.

“Quickly,” you stepped outside the room, motioning with your hand for Fives to follow. It didn’t take long to get next door, of course.

You pressed the controls on the panel and the door whisked opened; you shooed Fives in first. As soon as he entered, two guards came around the corner. You obviously didn’t want to look like you were doing something you weren’t supposed to, so you put on your best smile and nodded to the oncoming troopers. They nodded back and turned at the next corridor that led away from Tup’s room.

You stood there for a moment, just outside the room - thinking. You were obviously crazy, no doubt about that. You were breaking protocol, and basically risking your internship and everything you had worked for up to this point for Fives (and Tup). It was the right thing to do, right? Your insane crush on the ARC trooper aside, you were going through with all of this because it was the right thing to do. It definitely wasn’t right that the Kaminoans wanted to kill Tup off without entertaining more options and trying other procedures. It all seemed very… weird. As doctors, wouldn’t they want to try every possible way to find a solution without skipping over it all and just killing him? Although, why waste more time and resources when the “obvious” solution was to terminate him and find the answers through an autopsy? Maybe you should give it more time – Shaak Ti could be back soon with the Jedi Council’s backing. Maybe it wasn’t too late to back out – to turn around and coax Fives back into his room before you were both caught.

The moment was over when Fives’ hand reached out to grab your wrist, unceremoniously pulling you into the room. You nearly tripped as he yanked you inside, a murmured “hey!” subconsciously rolled off your tongue at the rough pull.

“Sorry, Renna.” He shut the door behind you, giving you an apologetic smile. “Did- did I hurt you? Sometimes I forget my own strength... I’m not used to manhandling pretty and delicate things.” Okay, let’s push that comment aside and table it for later on when you’re alone in your quarters.

Fives reached out to examine your wrist but you flapped your hands at him, “Really, I’m okay. Seriously.” You weren’t lying - it didn’t hurt. If you told him the absolute truth, you would tell him how you wished he’d manhandle you in other ways.

“Alright. Let’s get to work.”

Knowing how quickly you had to work for this entire plan to play out smoothly, you immediately made your way over to the controls and started tapping away. You turned your head to check on Fives – to see how he was planning on participating – and he was just frozen in place standing over Tup’s cot. Tup was still unconscious; his chest rising and falling rapidly in his comatose, shut eyelids flickering back and forth.

“Fives, push him over there.” You pointed at the scanner on the other side of the room with your back still turned as you tapped away at the screens, prepping the equipment. With one last tap of the screen, the scanner descended from the ceiling and Fives pushed Tup’s cot into it.

Tup’s chest rose and fell at an alarming rate, compelling you to consider - again - about turning back and aborting this plan altogether.

Fives came around the other side of the scanner where you watched the infrared picture of Tup’s brain from display screen, snapping you out of the thought.

“The scan’s almost complete.”

Fives moved in front of you and leaned closer to the screen, you shuffled to the side to give him to space. Your eyes unglued from the screen for just a moment to watch Fives; he was desperate. The look in his eyes told you that much, and his stance wasn’t as strong and sure as it always seemed to default to.

Your focus made way back to the screen. “Everything… appears to be normal.” Just as you said that the screen starting beeping; a red dot was blinking, pinpointing an anomaly in Tup’s brain.

“W- wait a second.” You softly pushed Fives out of the way and read the results displayed on the screen.

“What? What is it, Ren?” Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of his little nickname for you, but there were more important things currently at hand. You can freak out about the way he says your name like that later.

“It looks like Tup has developed a tumor.” Your fingers started tapping away yet again. You’ve never seen a tumor in clones before. To be fair, you had never worked with clones like this before, but you’ve seen more than enough of their files to know that a tumor wasn’t exactly something that could just appear in a clone.

“A tumor? Is that even possible?”

“I’ve never seen anything like this in clones. Not in any of the files.” You ceased tapping, turning around to face Fives. His hand raked through his hair, a pure look of confusion and worry on his face.

“Then… what is it?”

“I honestly don’t know. I’ll need to do a biopsy to be sure.” With a nod, you offered a reassuring smile. “It’ll be okay, Fives. We’ll get this straightened out, and you and Tup will be off this stormy planet and back to your brothers in no time.” You weren’t sure you even believed your words.

“You’re gonna take it out of him?” Before you could answer, Fives whacked the tools all over the ground with one graceless hand movement. Your eyes widened as he bent down to grab at the mess. “Do you, uh, think anyone heard that?”

You raised your brow at him, and with a sarcastic tone, “The probability is high, yes.” You sighed. “You need to hide.”

Smacking his hands away as he continued to pick up the mess, you hissed, “Fives, hide.”

“I think it came from this room.” You both shot up; you ran over and pushed Tup out of the tube and started to power it down at the controls as Fives took cover under Tup’s floating cot. Interesting that an ARC Trooper chose that as a hiding place.

The door whisked opened. Nala Se stood at the entrance, looking around. Her bug-eyes landed right on you, then glanced over to Tup.

“Hello, Doctor.” Your tone was astonishingly calm despite the absolute terror currently running through your system.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She entered through the threshold and made her way over to Tup, assessing his condition with a scowl.

“I was only trying to save the patient,” You informed her, keeping your tone calm and professional. You were ignored, however. Apparently, Fives was not so great at cleaning up his messes, because one leftover syringe sat on the ground right below the Kaminoan’s heels. She reached down to grab it, and your heart started racing. You blurted out, “Doctor, I found something unusual in the scan. It appears to be a tumor… I think you should take a look-”

“You performed a second scan without my authorization?” Nala Se stood upright; the forgotten syringe grasped in her three slender fingers. How did she not see Fives down there? Uh oh… where did he go?

Your heart rate slowed. “Apologies, Doctor. I was only trying to-”

“Perhaps I made the mistake in assuming you’d be ready to work with the clones.” Nala Se turned around to shut off the remaining equipment; machines began powering off as they whirled back in place and Tup’s cot moved back to where it was before you started. One of the larger machines floated away, leaving Fives completely exposed. Ah, so that’s where he went. Your eyes widened as you looked between Fives’ shocked expression and Nala Se, who was still turned around and tapping at the controls. As much as you dreaded pressing further on, you needed to buy Fives enough time to make an escape back to his own room.

“But- but the tumor, Doctor. It seems to be blocking neuro-impulses from communicating with the brain. I think we should scan the rest of the clones to see if this is a problem with their base genetic model or a mutation with the current models.” The machines were all now back in place; you scanned the room with your eyes, hoping to not catch a glimpse of Fives.

“There is no tumor. Your scan is incorrect.” Nala Se departed the control panel, ambling over to the other side of the room. You really hope Fives had fled by now. Might as well keep on pressing, though. It did interest you that the Kaminoan doctor was so avidly trying to disregard what you were saying about a tumor. That was a thread you figured you should follow.

“But-”

“This clone clearly has a virus that remains undetected, but I will find the cause once he’s terminated.” You followed Nala Se until she reached Tup’s cot, her back turned to the exit. “Now leave. I’ll figure out what to do with you later.”

“Yes, Doctor.” You turned on your heels and walked out the already open door. You turned your head to watch Nala Se; she was still standing over Tup, but you were unsure of what she was doing. Something really didn’t seem right with this. You nearly crashed into Fives in the hall as you departed Tup’s room.

“I can’t believe they’re going to kill Tup!” Fives shouted in disbelief after you both had made your way back into his room and shut the door. Fives shoved the empty cot to the other side of the room, clearly frustrated.

“I know. I’m sorry, Fives.” All you could offer was a sincere apology. It didn’t seem like a great idea at present to bring up how you thought the entire ordeal with Nala Se seemed fishy.

“We were not created to be disposed of this way!” He slammed his fists on the cot, an action that seemed to be fueled by rage, but his eyes told a different story.

“Just- just think of it this way… Tup is sacrificing himself so that other clones like him can survive. Isn’t that something you said he’d want?” You went to reach for him - to offer a gentle reassuring touch - but he backed away.

“There aren’t others like him!” His raised voice prompted you to take a few steps back. You weren’t scared of him, but you understood they he may need some space right now. Maybe it would be best if you retreated to your quarters and called it a day. After all, Nala Se basically sealed your fate by undoubtedly reassigning you to the archives. It probably wasn’t appropriate that you been seen in Fives’ room anymore. Your own selfishness kept you there, though.

“I’m sorry, Ren. I don’t mean to take this out on you, I just-” You allowed yourself to take a few steps towards him. “Tup doesn’t have to die - you found a tumor. I’m sure that’s the cause of all this. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

“But… how can we proceed? Dr. Nala Se basically reassigned me to the archives. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be here with you anymore. I could get dismissed, sure, but I have no idea what would happen to you.”

“Do the biopsy. I’m sure what you find will prove Tup doesn’t have to die. Your findings would bump you up in the ‘ranks’ I’m sure, and they would have no reason to send you back to filing paperwork.” A beat. “As for me… I’ll be fine.” You both knew that was a lie. You’ve seen what the Kaminoans have done to “defective” clones. It’s all in the files. It’s inhumane. There was no way you’d let that happen to Fives.

“I’m not so sure…. Dr. Nala Se doesn’t believe-”

“We’re not going to Nala Se with whatever you find. We’ll go to General Shaak Ti. She helped me once as a cadet and I know she values the life of a clone.” Now that, that was the truth.

“Fives… I’d be disobeying direct orders.” At this point, you didn’t care what happened to you if you were to go through with this. Fives was who you were concerned with. Not because of a hopeless crush, but because of his status of patient and you sincerely cared about him.

“Yep, and for the second time today,” He jested. Not funny. You scoffed. “Ren…” There they are, yet again - the puppy dog eyes. Those, paired with how he said your name. You’d break for sure. “Will you help me? Please.”

***

“Hurry!” Fives was hunched over the control panel with you, basically micromanaging you even though he had no idea what it was you were doing.

“Fives, you’re going to have to not rush me. I’m not a droid. Give me a kriffing minute.” Your fingers tapped frantically at the screen, hitting button after button until -

“Intruder alert. Intruder alert. All nonessential personnel report to a safe room for lockdown.”

You stood up straight and grinned over at Fives, who looked a little shocked.

“What did you do?” The alert played over again on the intercom.

“I made it so that the security scanners picked up an intruder in section C-6. We need to hurry, though. I doubt it’ll take them long before they realize it’s a false alarm.”

“They taught you how to hack a security mainframe at the fancy medical academy you attended on Coruscant?”

You rolled your eyes at him, hands on your hips. “Is that really important right now?” Fives chuckled and shook his head. Grabbing his wrist, you stretched your head to look outside the door. “They have guards stationed just outside. How are we going to get over there?” You turned towards Fives, who was pulling away from you and looking up at the ceiling. You followed his gaze, and you knew exactly what he was thinking. “The vents?” You sounded a little shocked, but it really was the only safe way out of there. He tilted his head down to look at you, a smile on his face. You snorted.

“Here, I’ll climb up first and then pull you up.” Your looked over at the door again, making sure you weren’t about to get absolutely busted, and grabbed his dangling hands.

You shook your head with a smirk. “You know, I’m starting to wish I had stayed in the archives,” you jested, as Fives hoisted you up and into the vent with him.

You never realized just how creepy it was up in these vents. To be fair, there wasn’t one moment that you would’ve pictured yourself crawling through them, but here you were. It was dark, every movement you made echoed, and it was freezing cold. You – for some reason – were leading the way, crawling through the cold durasteel tunnel. Fives was silent; he wasn’t making any comments, not cracking any jokes, not even expressing his concern for Tup. It dawned on you: he was totally checking out your ass. You had shed your long lab coat before he pulled you up, knowing that it would be harder to crawl with it tugging under your knees. Fives hadn’t yet seen you without it on… and you knew how good your ass looked in the leggings you wore. With a slight chuckle to yourself, you stopped crawling for a moment and looked over your shoulder to glance at him to the best of your ability.

“Fives, are you staring at my ass?” You tried to not let your giddiness get in the way of your accusatory whispering, but you found yourself muffling laughter. He didn’t reply right away – probably trying to think up a comeback or a way to wiggle himself out of the subject.

“Fuck yeah I am,” he murmured back, sounding as cocky as ever. You bit your lip and shook your head, resuming the crawl towards the oncoming exit vent. “I don’t exactly have anything else to look at from back here, you know. I got quite a nice view, so, no complaints.” Your face heated up at his smug comment, resisting the urge to shake your ass for him – to really give him a good view. Now was not the time.

You crawled past the vent so Fives could hop down first; he plopped onto the floor, graceful and stealthy as ever, before standing directly under the vent with his arms held out.

“Common, I’ll catch you.” It really wasn’t a long way down; you’d land just fine, though probably not as gracefully as he did.

“Uh, okay…” You lowered your legs out from the ceiling, keeping your grip on the cool metal for a moment while you steadied yourself. “Fives, I think I got it. I can just hop down like th-” Your grip from the ceiling slipped, sending you down and nearly hitting the floor in the worst way possible, when strong arms found their way under your ass and back.

Fives just saved you from breaking a bone or two, and all you could do was blink up at him as his hand slightly squeezed the plushy part of your ass, the other hand gripped tightly on your waist. Maybe he thought you wouldn’t notice the way he was savoring holding you like that, but you did. And you liked it.

“Nice to look at and feels nice, too.” Fives grinned at you before setting you down on your feet. He definitely shouldn’t be talking about how your ass looks and feels right now with his friend lying nearly dead on the cot barely an arm’s length away - but, is he was open to making comments such as those during these unsure times, you’d reciprocate. A boost of confidence surged through you.

“Glad you like it, trooper. Maybe some time you can see and feel it without these in the way,” you pulled at your leggings, looking him straight in the eyes with a smirk. Seeing Fives’ expression was well worth making the comment.

“Don’t say things you can’t follow up on, Renna.” His shocked expression quickly flipped to dark, catching you completely off guard and making you gulp. Your entire body felt as if it was on fire as tiny fireworks danced in your gut. There was absolutely no way you’d be able to follow up on your innuendo-filled comment unless you found each other in another life under different circumstances. You needed to shake it out of your system.

Firing up the laser drill, you looked over at Fives and studied his worried expression. He looked so soft, so concerned – it tugged at your heart harder than you cared to admit. His focus remained on Tup until the sound of the drill made him look up.

Your hands were slightly shaking. You felt it, but it didn’t appear to be noticeable. You had never performed a biopsy on a real, living, breathing lifeform before. Everything you had done during your schooling was on the deceased or on medical dummies. You were nervous, but this wasn’t about you. You finally had the chance to save a life. You needed to pull it together.

“Renna, are you okay?” Fives’ voice nearly came out as a whisper. You looked up at his eyes; he was studying you, deeply.

You took a deep breath and nodded with a slow exhale. You turned your attention back to the drill, grabbing Tup’s head and positioning it to where you needed.

“You might want to look away at this part.”

***

You did it. A successful biopsy. Feeling a bead of sweat threatening to fall from your hairline, you wiped it away with your arm and looked up at Fives who still had his eyes squeezed shut.

“Is it done?” The absent sound of the drill encouraged him to open his eyes. You held up the tumor, encased in a transparent casing. You handed it to Fives; he studied it closely, bringing it up to his face with a sigh. The moment was over when the door whisked open.

“What have you done?” Dr. Nala Se came into the room; Fives didn’t appear frightened, but you sure as fuck were.

“We saved my friend’s life.” Fives whipped around to face the “long-neck” - as he calls them - holding up the tumor in an accusing manner towards her, “This tumor is the cause of his illness.” She reached out and tried to grab the encased organic matter, but Fives maintained a hard grip as they fought for it.

“Give me that!” Nala Se looked angrier than you had ever seen her. You ran up to them, trying to stop something before it started.

“You can’t be trusted.” Fives reached down to Tup’s cot with his free hand, grabbing a mysterious syringe, and held it up in a threatening manner. You reached your hands up to stop him, but Shaak Ti’s sudden arrival did the job for you.

“Stand down, trooper.” She stood at the doorway with her hand outstretched. Jedi didn’t need to hold a weapon; you knew what they could do with just one outstretched hand in the blink of an eye. You’ve never seen it in action, but you’ve heard stories.

Fives dropped the hand holding the syringe but kept hold of the tumor with his other. “I have evidence. It’s right here!” He sounded desperate. This looked way too bad. You were caught right in the middle of it all, too.

“I’m free…” A weak voice croaked from the cot, making all the heads in the room turn in the same direction. Tup. Fives let go of the tumor and whipped his body around to face his friend, crouching down next to Tup and leaned in close.

“Tup?”

“The mission… free.”

“What is he saying?” Shaak Ti entered through the threshold, a few guards flowing in from behind her with their blasters aimed at Fives.

“Brother, what mission?” It was apparent that Fives was trying to understand what was coming from Tup’s mouth, and could not care less that his own kind were holding weapons to him. It had been the first time anyone had heard Tup speak words that didn’t sound like “kill” and “Jedi” since his arrival.

“You… you know the one. The- the mission, the one in our dreams…” Fives’ wide eyes scanned over his friend, searching for a clue, for anything. “…that never ends.”

You were frozen in your spot, taking in Tup’s bewildering words. You watched Fives’ expression as he frantically tried to decipher what Tup was murmuring. You glanced up from them, seeing the guards' buckets turn to look back and forth at each other. The mission - the one from their dreams?

“Oh, brother…” Tup’s hand lifted to the best of its ability; Fives grabbed it with his own and squeezed. This moment was so raw, so emotional, so real. You never would have thought…

“This is the end. Forget the mission.” Tup was fading away. You could hear it in his voice, and you knew that Fives knew what was coming. It looked as though Fives was holding back tears – trying to keep his composure. “Oh, the nightmare. I’m… free.” With that, Tup was gone.

You scanned the room. Shaak Ti bowed her head, hand over her heart. The other clones lowered their weapons down to their sides, heads bowing. Nala Se, however, remined the same. Her expression never changed. Heartless Kaminoans.

Fives was shaking his friend’s body, begging him to come back. “I thought I saved him…” You didn’t know what to do now. Tup was gone, and it was your fault. He was alive until you removed the tumor. Fives was in pain – mourning for his brother because of you. You took a few steps back, and leaned against the counter, your fingers combing through your scalp. Not only did you disobey direct orders twice today, but you also killed the very first lifeform you did a biopsy on, and to top that off, the patient you killed was important - a brother - to someone you deeply cared about.

***

Fives was placed under arrest just shorty after. Tup’s body wasn’t even cold yet.

You stood there in silence; Fives locked eyes with yours as he was almost forcefully escorted out of the room by the surrounding guards. It was clear that both of you were trying to communicate with the other using only your eyes, but no distinct message was coming across. You wanted to tell him you were so sorry for everything, and that you’d miss him, that you’d never forget him and Tup, and that meeting him changed your view of the clones entirely. But, there were no final goodbyes, no condolences given. Fives would be taken away, and you would be dismissed. You’ll miss Fives with all your heart, but you won’t miss Kamino.

General Shaak Ti followed behind the guards, leaving you in the macabre room with Dr. Nala Se and Tup’s lifeless body. It was silent for a moment before Nala Se looked over to you, shaking her head in disbelief. You were in big trouble.

“Miss Renna,” the long-neck approached slowly, closing the gap between where you were hunched forward over the counter resting on your elbows and where she was covering Tup’s body with a sheet. “I can not condone this type of behavior from an intern. I have no choice but to reassign you to your previous duties in the archives indefinitely.” You were not at all surprised. You nodded slowly, still not looking up at her. You felt numb. Only three days into real field experience, and you fucked up royally. You didn’t need to help Fives, resulting you in ending up in whatever this is. It was interesting that you weren’t dismissed like you’d assume you would be – just reassigned. The thing with Dr. Nala Se acting weird when Tup’s tumor came into play still was on the front of your mind; perhaps you would be able to look into these matters during your long, boring hours in the archives.

Finally looking up at Nala Se, “What… what is going to happen to my patient?” The words nearly came out choked as you tried to hide your worry for Fives. You needed to keep up the front – the professionality of it – so no suspicion would arise. She was scrolling through a datapad, clutching the tumor in her three fingers. The tumor. You tried to study it from afar - what it looked like, the coloring, how the cells neighbored inside it. It looked... dead. Depleted. You snapped your eyes away and over at the dead trooper, whose body was now completely covered by a thin sheet, when Nala Se spoke again.

“Do not worry about ARC-5555. It will be taken care of, so we can put this matter behind us. Just be thankful I didn’t dismiss you, Miss Renna. You are too valuable to replace with some other eager intern.”

Valuable? ‘It’? Taken care of?

“I am thankful, Doctor. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” You were motioned to exit the room; as you walked by Nala Se, you caught one last glance at the tumor, attempting to burn the image of it in your brain and commit it to memory. There was something about the tumor – something that prompted strange behavior from the Kaminoans – and you needed to figure out what that something was.

***

tags: @bvcketfvcker @deewithani @chromia7567 @cyaniderainfall

#djarrex writes #countermeasures series #arc trooper fives x reader #arc trooper fives x oc #arc trooper fives x you #arc trooper fives smut #fives x you #fives x reader #fives x oc #fives smut #the clone wars fic #the clone wars smut #the clone wars #conspiracy arc #the clone wars conspiracy arc

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canadian-riddler · 3 years

Note

idk if tumblr ate my ask but. if it did, 30 (obsession) for the riddler or scriddler?

Tumblr says, ‘your other ask was delicious, nom nom nom’

I says, ‘even if it hadn’t this is taking me a really long time because the music I’m listening to has made me too hype to write with any speed at all’

AO3 :D

‘Obsession’

Characters: Jonathan Crane, Edward Nygma [Scriddler]

The first time Jonathan saw him was on the front page of the newspaper. He could say with absolute certainty that was the day it started.

Before that day Jonathan would have been first in line to declare there was no such thing as a human being that was so attractive that one could not control themselves. It was poppycock, he insisted. Anyone who allowed something as primal as hormones to waylay their every thought was a weakling and a fool. Jonathan had looked upon a lifetime of people and had never so much as done a single double-take.

The newspaper was in a browbeaten metal box next to a bus stop. It was locked and the only access was either by key, vandalism, or coin. Jonathan obviously did not have a key, the location made it difficult to vandalise, and he was loath to pay for absolutely anything. But one of those three he needed choose, and he justified the third by telling himself it was a small price to pay to get the newspaper into his hands and thus have physical evidence that the man pictured there really was not so beautiful as his memory was bound to recall him. He tucked it under his arm and did not look at it until he was safely home, and he discovered he was correct: he was not so beautiful as he recalled. He was even moreso.

Jonathan put the newspaper into his desk drawer and failed not thinking about it. Every single minute of every single day was haunted by the image of the beautiful man printed upon its face. He could not sleep for the thought of it. His lectures at the university, already marred with his general disinterest with being there, were now riddled with pauses and repetition as his thoughts unravelled even while he was speaking them. He was well-known to the staff as a solitary and unpleasant creature, so his constant inquiries as to the man in the newspaper were met mostly with confusion and dismissal. He was disgusted in himself for the asking but he could not stop.

Until the night he no longer had to, for he entered his apartment to find Edward there within it. He stood in the doorway to his bedroom motionless and thoughtless and directionless.

“Well,” Edward said, his voice beautiful and direct from his lips to Jonathan’s ears, “you wanted me. Here I am.”

Jonathan had never put a single neuron into concluding what Edward must have smelled like, but all of the ones available were thinking about it now. He had no name to put to the man’s subtle scent other than ‘perfect’. And he was draped casually across Jonathan’s desk, which would doubtlessly cause it to sink into the wood and remain there long after he left as an olfactory spectre which Jonathan would find himself unable to escape.

His hair was in that god-awful tousled style that Jonathan would now never be able to see on another man without thinking of him. It was that certain colour that was achieved only by maple leaves only on one day of the year and some of it was visible from the top of the shirt of which he had not done up the top few buttons. Jonathan had a nearly visceral need to see the rest of it, and whereupon it ran down his torso, down towards his artfully concealed genitals. Jonathan’s own were filling with a steady heat it was already too late to hide. Not even the rare shame threatening to wash through him was enough to convince his barely used equipment to settle back where it belonged. For all his former conviction, it turned out he shared this carnal similarity with all those he had debased after all.

Edward laughed. It was condescending, and Jonathan hated that he deserved it. Edward swung himself to sitting with his knees spread and Jonathan hated that he had done it. “Surely you haven’t been stalking me all this time just so you could stare at me,” Edward said. “What was your aim, hm? Did you mean to lock me up in your basement, perhaps?”

Jonathan had indeed fantasized many times about that very thing. About restraining him, naked, to the wall with manacles which would chafe and bruise and ruin his beautiful skin. He would leave him down there until he was emaciated and weak and then this would all end for he would have been made ugly as all of humanity was.

Edward shook his head and twitched his wrist up to eye level. “I’m out of time, I’m afraid. Good talk.” And he simply stood and left as Jonathan stared after him, his entire body rigid and unmoving.

The obsession somehow escalated from there.

His room was soon plastered with every newspaper page which contained any mention of Edward. Any and all news stories about him were preserved on video tape. He dreamed and he dreamed and he dreamed of Edward, and he had never before been one for masturbation, but it did not matter how often or in what way he did it for the intense sexual desire Jonathan had for him never ceased. In the dreams Edward was always beautiful, always enticing Jonathan to come to him, but when he did his hands could not feel the shape of him nor could his mind conjure up any image of what he may have looked like beneath his clothes and he knew it was because whatever he managed to think up would be so far inferior to the real thing that it was not worth the effort to visualise. He lost hours sitting at his desk, the scent Edward had left behind erasing all notion of time or purpose.

Then Edward began to turn up in Jonathan’s daily life.

Jonathan did not ever have to look for him. He would simply appear at places where Jonathan was already fated to be. Some of these places were common sense and some of them were not, but Edward appeared in all of them nonetheless. Jonathan could not leave his apartment without scanning every person he passed for Edward. He could not remain inside of his apartment without scanning every person who passed the window for Edward. Night was the only time he could continue his work, and continue his work he did for he had concluded it was his only way out of this. Edward had stolen his body and so Jonathan would steal his mind.

When next Jonathan saw him the toxin was ready. He approached, which he had never done before. Edward’s smile implied he had anticipated such a thing and Jonathan hated the thrill it sparked in his stomach.

“You have something in mind today, I take it?” Edward said. His words were the lyrics to a song no one had the skill to write. Jonathan nodded.

“I have a truck parked out back.”

Edward hummed in satisfaction and followed him. Jonathan did not want to take his eyes away when he lifted himself into the bed and leaned back in it as though it were his own and not Jonathan’s, but he had to. He had to stop this now. He removed the needle from the glovebox and concealed it behind his back.

“What have you got there?” Edward asked. Jonathan did not answer. He instead climbed onto the bed and straddled Edward and pressed his left wrist above his head, at which time he -

They were so close together. And he knew. Jonathan could tell that he knew, but he had come anyway. All of this together stole Jonathan’s breath and his thoughts and replaced it with the violent need to grind his body against Edward’s until the ever-present ache between his legs was relieved at last. He glanced downward to find that Edward’s bulge was no more present than it had been before, but his was firm beneath Edward’s knowing fingers. He turned his head aside, into his right arm, in an attempt to dissipate the ensuing moan into his sleeve, but he knew the moment he did so it had not worked.

“Something tells me,” Edward said with accursed playfulness, “that drug isn’t going to be one of the ones I like.”

Jonathan could not answer because his ability to form words had been lost with a motion of Edward’s free hand.

“You know, if I wasn’t certain that was a lethal dose of your little fear experiment, I would have gone for it. But as it is I’ll have to refuse. No hard feelings.”

Jonathan bent down and pressed the point of the needle against the side of Edward’s neck. Edward did not flinch. Sweat was beading along Jonathan’s hairline and underneath his arms and the place where Edward’s hand was still bewitching him. “If I kill you,” Jonathan murmured into his ear, “then this will end.”

“Why would you want it to?” Edward whispered. His breath seemed to caress Jonathan’s skin. “Tell me, Jonathan. When was the last time you felt this much excitement? This alive? You never have, have you? That’s why you’ve fallen into this so hard and so deep. Your work gives you purpose, but it does not give you life. Not like I do.”

Jonathan prayed that his grip upon Edward’s wrist would not weaken and that his thumb on the plunger would not falter.

“If you kill me,” Edward went on, the sound of his voice making Jonathan helpless, “you will never know the part of yourself that I have awoken. And you can’t have that. Can you.”

Jonathan’s breath stalled. Edward’s eyes glittered knowingly in the dark and Jonathan could not stop looking at them.

“Drop the needle and do what you should have done when I laid myself out so nicely for you on your desk.”

Jonathan’s body obeyed against the panicked protestations of his mind. He was kissing him at long last, hard and desperate. His hand had released the needle and was clenching as much of Edward’s buttock as it could grasp, and Edward was laughing but Jonathan did not realise it until he ran out of breath. He lowered his head to the breast of the man who had broken him and left it there. Edward’s free hand was in Jonathan’s hair, at once reassuring and condescending, and he did not want for him to ever move it.

“Oh, Jonathan,” Edward fairly hummed into his ear, “you have been fun.” And his hand, still holding Jonathan’s crotch, clenched and twisted it with sudden violence. Jonathan saw white and that was all he was able to perceive for a good few moments. His resumed awareness told him he was curled against the side of the truck, and once he had regained enough of his breath he scrabbled his hand up the bed until he could push himself to sitting. He looked over his shoulder to see Edward sitting atop the other side, and as soon as their eyes met Edward smiled and swept his legs over the side and disappeared. Jonathan could not get up fast enough to chase him and he noticed with a start that the syringe was gone.

Days went by. Days, and then weeks, and then months. Edward had gone. He had vanished. Jonathan tore through newspapers for mention of him in between glances at the ever-on television for a hint towards his whereabouts. He scoured the Internet to the best of his limited ability and glowered at the publicly viewable footage and photographs and words describing the man who should have been his and only his. He fantasized about storming into the places who thought they had the right to publish anything about him, inflicting upon them their worst fears and watching as the building burned to the ground before him. He did not purposely sleep, and the occasions he found himself doing so he woke with clothes both sticky and sweat-soaked, driven by dreams of all the things he could have done when Edward had been beneath him but had not.

It was seven months and twenty-five days later when Jonathan received the postcard. The photograph upon the front contained nothing he recognised, but the words upon the back froze his very blood:

You want me. Here I am.

Jonathan learned then there was something worse than lust. The rage that rose up in him was blinding and numbing and deafening, and a scream of fury tore a strip into the back of his throat that would echo for days. His hands, divorced from any thought at all, tore the postcard asunder into a hundred jagged pieces and his eyes did not watch himself do it. When vision returned to them his breath shuddered and his legs weakened. He found himself kneeling on the floor amidst the fragments, and after a moment he began to gather them together in a panic. “No,” he whispered to himself with a horror he would never learn how to inflict upon another. “No!”

He tried for hours to reassemble the card, but to no avail. The pieces were too small and too many. He held the scrap which contained the most of the words Edward had written and clenched it tightly within both hands. And then Jonathan knew something which was nearly as horrible as the rage had been, and that was sorrow. His body was a rigid inward curl and he cried hot and bitter tears into his own knees, his forehead pressed into his clasped hands. Edward’s laugh was echoing in his ears. Even now Jonathan could not find it ugly.

The sleep that came to Jonathan then was of a sort he had not known in years, deep and black and dreamless, and when he awoke and looked upon the evidence of what he had spent months upon months buried inside of he felt nothing. He felt nothing at all. Edward was still beautiful, but whatever part of him had cared was no longer there. His eyes fell to the paper scattered upon the floor.

“No,” he said to it. “No, I think I will wait until it is you who wants me.”

And he rose to his feet and laughed and began to think of what he would do when finally that day came.

#I think you are going to like this #Riddler #Scarecrow #Scriddler #fanfic from Indy

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beneaththemasks · 3 years

Text

Analyzing Atsushi and Akutagawa pt.1 (I have a lot to say so there's gonna be a part 2)

CW: Dazai hate

first of all I want to clarify that I don’t think any of this is going to happen but it’d be really nice if it did... however, since BSD is a fiction story and my analysis is based on what would be ideal in the real life I don’t think it’s too likely for this to happen.

I think Atsushi should leave the ADA and Akutagawa should leave the Port Mafia.

To begin with, I’d like to tell you how I came up with this idea;

The thing is that in the BSD fandom there’s this (sadly too popular) discussion about Atsushi being a good, strong and entertaining main character or not. Many times I’ve seen people discussing this as if it was simply and wholy a matter of yes or no and the more the discussion grows the more angry I get (but i get angry too easily so don’t mind me).

In my opinion Atsushi is not weak, I actually don’t think any character in BSD is tbh (I mean they’d beat the shit out of me even if they don’t know how to fight because all ever do with my life is sit on my tiny piano and play my silly little mozart). But leaving the physical strenght aside, I still don’t think he’s a weak/strong or boring/entretaining character. I think the charm of Atsushi as a MC lies elsewhere.

Yes he’s pretty, he’s kind, he has an e-boy haircut and I’d let him step on me with those worn-out dirty boots.

But he’s also a common person living among prodigies and demons.

(Really, I feel like standing up and appaluding Asagiri for choosing Atsushi as the mc and writing him the way he did because there’s nothing that could make my shitty life better than knowing that the protagonist of my favourite story in the world is someone I can relate so much to that I actually ended up learning more about myself through him.)

And yes, we’ve seen this happen many times in countless stories (yes yes haikyuu for example) where the plot worked as good as any other even though the MC took longer than the rest to get to where they were but managed to do so in the end (unlike the typical shonen mc that levels-up overnight) plus what people mostly criticize about Atsushi as a MC are his constant war flashbacks and how much he self-doubts himself.

So I came to the conclusion that it's not really Atsushi and his journey as a MC but his unresolved trauma what seems to annoy the audience instead.

And that’s how I came up with a fiction-breaking answer to your problems; If you want Atsushi to stop suffering over and over again for the same things, he has to leave the ADA and get some real therapy.

(Don’t misunderstand me, even if I accept him and love him as he’s now, I’d still love it if this were the real final for him bc it hurts me to see him suffer all the time.)

Think about it, Atsushi is just a poor boy, abandoned by hell itself and thrown into the street in the worst conditions a human being could be just to end up running into a maniac manipulator with a good heart that offers him a roof over his head on the condition he accepts a job that Atsushi himself says doesn’t want and is too afraid to be a part of and that he tried to leave once but failed to do so and then felt too guilty to try again because he eats guilt and remorse with milk for breakfast so now he has no choice but risk his life, face his archenemy physical pain to beat his enemies and constantly fear that he might not be doing what’s right or being good enough while having a huge responsibility on his bare shoulders.

As it stands, his situation can only be explained by that famous saying “it’s not that you don’t want to grow/heal, it’s that the environment is not apt for you to do it”. Yeah, no wonder he hasn’t made any progress overnight and feels so hopeless at times.

I love everyone in the ADA (not you Dazai) and their found family made out of scraps and angsty love is all I ever whish for, but just because he’s finally found people to rely on that care about him doesn’t mean it’s enough to heal so much damage (suprise suprise your family and love won’t always be enough to heal trauma). Atsushi won’t overcome his fears by facing them head-on nor will he become more independent by fighting on his own (actually we all know he hates fighting alone and that’s because he’s not in a place where he can trust in himself yet) instead, it’s very likely he’ll end up pushing himself to the limit to get “stronger” faster and end up loosing sight of himself.

And here's where Akutagawa enters.

The reason why I also mention him is because Akutagawa for me is the perfect example of why Atsushi has to stop now before it’s too late.

Akutagawa has been past the point of no return for a long time now, he’s fought so hard to get "better" faster for the sake of being recognised by Dazai that he stopped recognising what’s real and what’s not. Akutagawa is already strong enough and has everything he needs but can’t recognise it because he works in a place where the more and faster you kill the better you are, so even though he’s the most feared member of the PM he doesn’t believe it because he hasn’t heard Dazai saying it.

To me it makes perfect sense that Dazai insists so much on making them face each other, I mean, Atsushi has everything Akutagawa wants and Akutagawa has everything Atsushi wants and as long each they stay blinded by their own unrealistic expectations they’ll keep risking their lives for something they will never accomplish under those circumstances, it turns into a vicious cycle where Dazai seems to be the only one benefiting from this since he now has two UltraRare awakened subordinates to fight for the sake of his book or whatever he wants. (but don’t let me get too excited about this topic ‘cause I could talk about Dazai for 3 days)

Yes I know I know, it was a very good thing that Asagiri decided to break that toxic vicious cycle and made one of them think for both to finally make Atsushi challenge Akutagawa to stop killing for six months as a condition to fight with him (that's called GROWTH, breaking out of the cage, abandoning the nest, etc).

But unlike Atsushi, Akutagawa doesn’t have many people to rely on when the time all of his enemies show up -after mori has beaten the fuck out of him for not showing results and lowers his rank to the same Oda had- to make him pay (let’s be honest the mafia couldn’t care less about the errand boy).

Basically, Aku has to leave the Port Mafia in order to stay safe, gain perspective and find a reason to live of his own rather than sit and wait for dazai to approve of his every move (the same goes for Sushi, he has to stop throwing himself off of high buildings to save people and stopping bullets with his mouth to be validated by his peers).

But yeah, Akutagawa is probably not going to leave the PM and Atsushi is probably not going to leave the ADA but as someone who really wants to see them doing some real growth and barely stands this “just forget your trauma and fight” thing that’s going on I had to say it.

I mean, look at Dazai, it was no untill Oda told him he clearly wasn’t going to find a purpose to live that he decided that mayyyyybe the PM was not a good place to try spiritual healing.

What’s more, I’d say almost every single character in BSD is too fucked up to be able to heal in the kind of environmet they work at and that they must have let the pain sink or whatever bc they jsut don’t want to change their lives but idk man that’s fine if it makes them happy.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd manga #bsd akutagawa #bsd atsushi #sskk #analysis time

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bellamybellamyblake · 3 years

Text

Six Years (Part 3)

Pairing:

Past/Eventual Bellamy Blake x Fem!Kane!Reader, Platonic!Octavia Blake

Summary:

Octavia knew who she was now, but you couldn’t figure out what the hell you’d become.

Warning:

so much mf angst, themes of addiction and depression, self-destructive behavior and a tiny bit of comfort in there

Word Count:

2k (i got a little ~carried away~ lol)

A/N:

IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. i wasn’t happy with the og thing i had down so i literally just rewrote the whole thing in a few hours and it’s sm better than it would’ve been. me holding off posting this did wonders and i’m more confident in it too even tho i kinda think i suck at writing but also kinda don’t idk my self esteem varies wildly

Merry Christmas Eve Eve to those who celebrate ❤️

the gif (and all the other ones) are not mine and i take no credit for them

if you want to be tagged in any of my works, send me a message or an ask and i’ll add you :)

@shipshipshipau

The girl with aqua eyes - although now they were more of a spotted gray - had only seen one moment of weakness from you. It would be the last time Octavia had seen you, and you, her.

“We’re surviving!” She had started shouting, as if she believed that set in a lower tone, her words would be construed as lies. “The human race is surviving! That’s what matters!”

“He wouldn’t be okay with this, and you know it!” Your voice broke involuntarily as it rose to match hers. You shook your head as you tried to desperately stop the ache in your chest as you brought her - probably dead - brother up. Tears clung to your eyelashes, waiting for you to blink so they had permission to fall. Your throat had been closed for a while now, and the rest was merely a weak cry. “If this is the price that we have to pay...maybe we shouldn’t be.”

You’d never know if it was the crack in your demeanor or your choice of words, but either way, her eyes softened when you spoke.

“Look at me.” You did as told and she gripped the back of your neck in one hand, pulling your forehead so close it almost came into contact with hers.

The air changed as Octavia came alive under the monster she wore for armor. Her mask coming off allowed you to let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. You would begin to regret not smashing the helmet to bits while it was off and vulnerable.

“You have to stop listening to them,” She said. “It’ll tear you apart. It’s better they get to live to hate us than die slowly and love us-”

“They don’t deserve this either, O-”

“We bare it, so they don’t have to. You’re the one that told me that. You can’t back out on me, now. I can’t do this without you.”

For so long you were okay with her needing you to do the dirty work. Besides the first time - when you did it together - she’d give the sentence and you’d see it through. Every single time, it felt like it was killing you more than them, but that didn’t matter, did it? If you weren’t going to do it, who would?

It was the last thing Octavia had asked of you and you had no intention of letting her down.

Bellamy didn’t know what he would see when they finally dropped him down into the bunker, but it definitely wasn’t that. Surrounded by more death than he was prepared for, he couldn’t help himself to not move his gaze around the arena. The fences between him and the living reminded him of the cages the Mountain Men held him in. The walls were stained deep with crimson, leaving the dull concrete behind it unrecognizable. He looked to the blonde at his side, and they asked each other the same silent question:

What the hell happened down here?

His whiskey shaded orbs kept moving, albeit reluctantly. They stopped on Marcus Kane, who looked so much older than last time. His hair and beard were inches longer and grayer than the natural brown he used to have. He was so pale, it was unnerving - almost as if he was close to death. They connected eyes briefly and that’s when the younger saw the deadly weapon held to his neck by the hands of-

No.

Your back was facing him, but it didn’t matter how long it had been, he’d never miss you. The locks that adorned your head were longer too, almost to your waist. The natural shade was faded though, like you had aged twenty years instead of six. He watched your shoulders heave and your hands start to shake as Kane talked to you.

He couldn’t pull his eyes from the impure red that dyed your skin and clothes.

While you were distracted, he chose to act, protecting Marcus from his own flesh and blood. He didn’t miss the gears in your head turning as your gaze landed on him. He saw your eyes sink into a trance of recognition and a deep sort of longing overtook your senses. The melancholic need you had tried to numb for half a decade came back in full force and held no mercy.

You remembered how he always smelled of the forest after the sky wept. You remembered how sure but gentle his touch was on your skin. You remembered how his remarkably soft lips would feel when they pushed against yours as they begged for more at every turn. You remembered how it felt to be wrapped in his arms, listening to his heart thump as he assured you everything would be alright, even if he didn’t think it would be.

Was that gone forever, now, too?

Bellamy noticed something else, though; something he didn’t recognize. Something he’d never seen before.

Something that scared him.

It had been hours since and neither of you had bothered to find the other. Getting everyone out was a great distraction for him. Talking to his little sister, whose eyes seemed to hold the same thing yours did, was another. She had explained to him and Clarke that Wonkru had deemed her Bloodreina and you, Ripa. So, no, nothing as special as death from above or the red queen or the commander of death, but death, nonetheless.

People have done well not to forget that.

When Clarke told him you still hadn’t come out and no one had seen you, however, he didn’t have a choice anymore.

The halls were those of nightmares, spirits lurking around every corner and it was cold and empty. He knew the lights were kept low to save power but it felt almost purposeful, like they were meant to scare you. To tell you not to act out or some kind of monster would jump from the shadows and make you pay.

But he didn’t know if it was you or his sister.

A chill slithered up his spine.

If someone told him this wasn’t real, he’d do anything he could to believe them. He wished that he was seconds away from being shaken awake by Raven or Monty, and they would tell him it was just another nightmare. He wished he was still on the Ring, praying ignorantly to anyone that would listen that his family on earth were still okay.

Breaking him from his thoughts, a yellow lamplight caught his attention. At the end of the windowless corridor, it shone out of a slightly ajar door. Using every ounce of strength he possessed to not walk away, he pushed it open. It cried at the motion, diminishing any and all remnants of silence that swallowed the floor.

His eyes found you catching yourself from falling caused by a failed attempt at standing. A half empty bottle of whatever works in one hand, the other one holding you up against the bed frame. The high-pitched creak pulled your attention to the front of the room with a furrowed brow and he allowed himself to take in your appearance.

A wrinkled, cotton shirt sat on your chest and it was a different one than before; faded white and thin, yet cleaner than the other one which was colored with blood. Your hair was damp - the result of taking a shower - but lazily tied back in a half-assed effort to get it out of your face.

You stared at each other for a minute. A million things were hitting your slow-moving thoughts at once, too much for you to even try to comprehend. He finally took one step towards you, parting his lips to say something but no sound came out. He was stumped, hundreds of words flooded his mind but not a single one sounded good enough.

Nothing he could say would make what happened in the arena okay.

It was unbearably painful. There he was, finally right in front of you, and you had no idea what to talk about. No idea what to start with, end with, bring up, discuss, laugh about, cry about, scream about. Nothing was good enough to say to the man that kept you alive for such a long time, such a long time ago.

Too long ago.

You inevitably broke the silence, though your words came out cracked and in a slur. A defensive and humorless scoff left your lips, an effort to cover up the discomfort. Or it was because you were too drunk to shut yourself up. “You gonna say somethin’?”

“I don’t know what to say.”

You didn’t know why, but you hoped he’d sound different. It was childish and irrational, but you hoped that you could say you both changed too much and he would have nothing to hold against you.

Because no matter how far away it seemed, sometimes you could still remember what it felt like to be that innocent seventeen-year-old that hadn’t lived yet; what it felt like to be that girl who still couldn’t stand her father. To be that girl who sprained her ankle within ten minutes of being on earth for the first time. To be that girl who hadn’t made a friend aside from Clarke and Wells in her whole life. That girl who had just kissed a boy for the first time.

The girl who was loved and not lost yet.

“Well, that makes two of us.”

Where the hell did she go?

That made the room spin, and you had to blink a few times to make it stop, taking a seat on the thin mattress. You took a drink, making the liquid slosh from the base to the neck of the bottle and back again. When it settled, you rested your head between your shoulders as you heard him say your name. It bounced off the walls in the room, hitting each one again, and again, and again like it was a bullet waiting to find its target. You had wanted the word to fall from his lips for so long that you’d forgotten what it sounded like. You had forgotten what he sounded like, and you fucking hated yourself for it.

Then you realized he said, “Ripa,” and those four deadly little letters crushed your throat and stole the air from your lungs.

That name hadn’t felt right from the start, but it was what you had been simultaneously promoted to and reduced by. The only person who refused to call you that over the years, was your father. For two thousand days, he made sure to steer clear of it.

That’s not who you are and I know it, even if you don’t.

A sudden and hauntingly raw sob escaped, and you knew his eyes were on you in an instant.

“Don’t call me that,” You begged, meeting his gaze for the first time since he entered. Breath picking up, you were practically terror-stricken at the idea that all you were to him now was a murderer. You vigorously tried to shake the thought away, squeezing your eyes shut as everything that kept you numb seemed to vanish into thin air. “Y-You can’t-Not you too. Please, not you.”

Bellamy’s hand brushed your cheek and tears rained freely. You immediately leaned into the familiar and delicate warmth and you really fucking hoped this wasn’t your mind playing a trick on you.

“It’s okay, Y/N.” When he spoke this time, his words sounded choked too. His other hand cradled the back of your head as he pulled you into his chest and just...held you. “It’s okay.”

It was like you were standing at the edge of a building, teetering the edge before accidentally falling. Only, before you could plummet to your death, someone caught your hand, and it occurred to you that you really wanted them to pull you back up.

“Please don’t leave me again.”

Your voice was just so, so weak. Beaten down and broken.

“Never.” He said it with so much confidence and finality, you almost had to convince yourself it was real and not a dream. “I promise.”

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dr-imagines-modfuyuhiko · 3 years

Text

Reader stops Nagito from starting the killing game

Think of this as a “Mod Fuyu’s Birthday Special” cause it’s my birthday and I had the idea :) After this I’ll finish up the requests and post em

Also, if you like this kind of “what if this kind of person stopped so-and-so from happening”, I love writing this kinda stuff so feel free to ask for it

Category: Neutral/kinda angst(??) imagine (might make more parts)

Specifics: GN!reader, reader is the Ultimate Analyst, takes place in Chapter 1 of SDR2, kind of Nagito x reader???

Warnings: Nagito being Nagito, Twogami pats you down? Idk if that counts as a warning? And lowkey stalking Hope Bagel Boy, I believe that’s it- also there are things in here that are just my headcannons so please don’t come at me for them, thank you

You had your eye on Nagito since everyone arrived. The moment he introduced himself, you found something... off... about him. Due to you being unsure of what was wrong, you immediately began to silently observe him out of habit. He clearly noticed, even if he tried to hide it. At the very least, he wasn’t bothered by it.

Pretty quickly you were able to figure out he had dementia, perhaps cancer, and definitely some ptsd. His pale skin, the fact that the tips of his hair had some color, as well as his subtle behavior lead you to the first two. He didn’t react well when you brought up maybe flying off the island. Even if he seemed normal to everyone else and acted like it didn’t bother him, it was obvious to you. You picked up on the strained but natural-looking smile he forced. You guess that’s the perk of being the Ultimate Analyst, seeing things people won’t tell you.

He would also constantly praise you and the group- or more accurately, praised your talents. You were slightly annoyed by this, you were more than just a talent, but kept your mouth shut for the time being. He definitely had some sort of inferiority complex, or had trauma that made him believe he wasn’t worthy of basic human rights, maybe it was both.

Because of these reasons, you felt the need to not only help the boy, but maybe befriend him if possible?

So when this “killing game” was announced, you stuck to his side. Time and time again he said it wasn’t necessary, but you still wanted to get close to him. You knew he wouldn’t open up easily, seeing as he brushes off questions about himself, but you were determined enough to stay with him till he did.

Once Byakuya announced a party will commence, seemingly out of nowhere, you immediately had your eyes set on Nagito. He instantly agreed with some hope/friendship rant. He had something to do with this. He had to. So from that moment, even if it was from a distance, you were keeping an eye on him.

Soon you figured out the biggest factor of Nagito. The thing that had made him who he is now and the reason why he treated you all like gods. That his luck was indeed real.

—————

“So how are we gonna decide who’ll clean up the place?” You asked, still a little concerned about the suddenness of the party. If it weren’t for Nagito, you’d probably be like Fuyuhiko and refuse to attend.

“Are there any volunteers?” Byakuya turned to the group. No one said anything in response, leaving the supposed-heir (you had doubts of his identity, but he was a good leader so for now you let it slide) to sigh.

“We could draw sticks? Let chance decide?” Nagito found some sticks in his jacket, breaking one to be shorter than the others.

“Wait- that wouldn’t be fair! You’d be off cleaning duty!” Hajime joked with a small smile. Even so, Nagito gave a simple smile, the same one he had when he was hiding something. It was the same smile when he tried not to reveal he was upset by the planes. As well as the same one he had when Byakuya first brought up having a party.

Despite this, you decided to play along. Going first, you sighed a breath when you got a long stick. One by one, everyone pulled. All of them got long sticks.

The tall, white haired boy revealed the final stick, showing it to be the short one.

“Heh, guess my luck isn’t always great,” he gave that smile again, “my talent clearly isn’t accurate.”

You gave a suspicious look to him. Letting everyone else joyfully leave the room, you stayed behind.

“Y/n?” Nagito looked a little confused, “Is there something you’d like?”

Taking a breath, you answered. “I wanna help!” You gave a fake excited smile, tilting your head to the side for emphasis.

“You don’t have to help scum like me, Y/n,” he sounded as if he was desperate, “I have this under control.” Thinking quickly, you attempted to prove your talent true to him, showing you can pick up on things he won’t tell. But you also can’t let him know you think he is up to something.

“Nagito,” you started slowly, “you get fatigued so easily, I don’t want you hurting yourself!” The boy looked taken aback. He smiled once again.

“You really are the Ultimate Analyst! Such an amazing talent!” He bit his inner cheek. “If you insist then!”

With that, he let you help out with the preparations. Though he was a bit more careful when he left the room after about a two to three hours. He used the excuse of needing to go to the bathroom. Of course, you knew better.

After a few minutes, he came back. Smile still on his face, but you could’ve swore there was something softly glowing inside his jacket. You then took your own turn of “using the bathroom”.

On the way to see what exactly Nagito did, you ran into Teruteru, who looked terrified. He sounded even worse, an accent of some sort bleeding a bit into his words.

“Y-You’re not apart of his crazy idea, h-huh?!”

What?

“What idea?” You moved so you were at eye level with the chef. “Teruteru, what’s Nagito planning.”

He still stood there, frozen completely. You looked over your shoulder to make sure Nagito couldn’t see you. You turned back to Teruteru, speaking slow and calmly.

“Teruteru.” You tried to remain calm, “I know something is up with him. Please, tell me what he said to you.”

“H-he’s plannin’ on killin’ so’body!” His words were quick and panicked. The accent was thicker now. It took you just a second to fully understand him. You brought your hands to his shoulders.

“Don’t say anything to anyone just yet, okay? Not even Nagito.” He looked slightly confused. “We don’t want anyone else panicking. It could cause absolute chaos. What we need to do is stop Nagito from killing in a silent manner. Do you know what exactly his plan is?”

Once more, the boy nodded. Calmer now, he told you what he knew. The two of you figured out how to stop Nagito without him knowing. He agreed to run out and tell Byakuya what was going on and have him approve of the plan. With a final sigh, you walked back into the room.

“Where were you? It’s been a good 20 minutes, not planning on murder I hope.” He chuckled at his joke. You hid your grimace.

“No, I just ran into Teruteru and had him ask Byakuya if the iron skewers would be considered a weapon.” You lied easily, putting on a relaxed-looking smile. “He wanted to use them for a more tropical theme.”

Nagito simply nodded in response. The two of you quickly finished up. You attempted to find where his weapon would be and take it out to bring it to Byakuya, but you couldn’t do so with Nagito staring at you.

—————

Before long, the nighttime announcement went off. You brushed off your top and fixed up anything you saw necessary. Taking a final breath of preparation, you ran over to the old hotel.

“Did you confiscate his weapon?” Byakuya asked as he pat your sides down in routine. Even if you had stopped Nagito and Teruteru from killing, he still wanted to check you to be safe.

“Unfortunately, no, he wouldn’t leave the room until I did.” You answered truthfully. The large man pulled back once he was satisfied with his search. “But I’ll keep him close, and make sure I know where he is when his plan starts.” He nodded in understanding and let you into the room.

Upon entering, you heard numerous compliments on the room directed towards Nagito. Though he was quick to say that you had stayed behind to help. Almost as if he’s trying to make a point of it to the others..

Everything was going smoothly. Teruteru brought out food, Peko went to guard the case in the office, and Chiaki went with Monomi to prevent Monokuma from coming in. You made sure to stay next to Nagito the whole time, sneaking glances at the clock on the air conditioner. Even when Ibuki excitedly tried to pull you towards something else, you always found your way back to Nagito.

And then it struck 11:30.

The lights went out as you and Nagito stood next to the table near the back of the room. Quickly, you flew your hand up to grasp Nagito’s sleeve, knowing even if you were unable to, Byakuya would catch him leaving your side. You held his arm close to you, stopping him from walking off until the lights came back on.

As soon as they did, your eyes landed on Mikan, who was helplessly sprawled out across the floor. You pushed your gaze away from her as Mahiru helped her up. When you looked to Nagito, his eyes were latched onto you. They held a curious but cautious look. In a rush, you acted oblivious to what the true consequence of your actions were.

“S-sorry!” You let go of him immediately, “I just latched onto the closest person! I was scared!”

“It’s okay..” He knew something of your true intentions. You can tell by his eyes.

You let a smile fall over your face and looked away. Byakuya met your gaze, proud of the work you had done. Even if you didn’t see it as much to do, he definitely did.

“Everyone,” Sonia called out, “go look for Peko and Chiaki! Make sure they are okay!” After a short shout of affirmation from Kazuichi, everyone split off to find the two.

Everyone except you and Nagito. The latter of which pulled you to a room near the back of the building. Isn’t this where Byakuya originally decided to put the case? You saw the irons Teruteru spoke about earlier that day and it made sense.

You turned to Nagito, slightly confused as to why he pulled you aside. Did he know you purposely stopped him? How would he? You made sure to keep quiet about it.

“Y/n...” Nagito’s voice was serious, it almost scared you. “You knew what you were doing.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a demand to admit.

“And? You just expect me to let you kill an innocent classmate?” You shot back, irritated.

“If I start this game, the rest of you would be able to use me as a stepping stone for hope!”

What???

A stepping stone for hope???

You took a minute to process what exactly he meant. Putting together his self-loathing words, the way he saw and described you all as almost godlike figures, and his already tortured mind- was it possible he did this just so you could “have hope”?

“Nagito.” You pulled his face to be level with yours, furious yes, but also concerned for the man you want to consider a friend. “We don’t need you to sacrifice yours and another person’s life to have hope. We’re already doing that, like you said when Byakuya first came up with the party idea!”

“But Y/n...” His voice trailed off, as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know how.

“In a way, you did help us.” You tried to give a reassuring smile, not exactly used to comforting people as you are to reading them. “You’re the reason we had the party, we’re all closer because of it.”

He let out a bitter laugh and looked off to the side. “Scum like me doesn’t deserve that sort of praise, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Nagito. Look at me.” He kept his gaze away from you. “Nagito.”

The sternness of your voice made his head snap towards you. He looked almost scared. Maybe has trauma with verbal abuse, got it. You kept your voice calmer.

“You’re not scum. And you do deserve the praise. Even if your reasoning was flawed, you brought all of us together. People are gonna be less likely to kill.” Nagito’s eyes shone like he wasn’t used to this sort of talk, especially about himself. The swirl in his eyes left completely “I know you might not think so, but you had a good effect on us. We’ll figure out a way to get off this island without participating in this killing game. I promise.” You let a genuine smile show on your face before jokingly adding, “Oh, and without using a plane preferably.”

Nagito seemed to have mixed emotions, but stayed silent nonetheless. He simply nodded his head and gave a smile- it wasn’t the strained one though. Neither was it the one he put up as a front. This was his genuine smile.

The door opening had startled you out of your observations. You snatched your hands away from Nagito’s face and looked to the door. Your face was slightly heated. Gundham had a surprised look on his face.

“Dearest apologies, but I must obtain my Hell Hound Earring. This room must have the entrance leading to it.” Without speaking, you simply pointed to the trap door in the back of the storage room. Gundham simply nodded in appreciation and moved to the side for you and Nagito to get out of the small room.

#Nagito Komaeda #danganronpa nagito #nagito danganronpa #danganronpa #danganronpa imagines #dr2 imagines #dr2 nagito #DR2 #nagito x reader #nagito komeada x reader

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spacemilkies · 4 years

Note

Ff7 request, Reno likes his girl taking some control over him when it comes to intimate things. Being dominated a little, he finds it extremely hot. Nsfw, sfw, your choice, but maybe some steamy kissing? Hair pulling, groping, idk, whatever you come up with ;)

Black Forest | Reno x Reader

‘The only thing harder than being a Turk, was loving one’

a/n: this was pretty much all mature content? but i'm not ashamed of it in the slightest. adding it to the black forest series, bc why not. thank you for the request!

When people thought of Reno, three things came to mind.

1. His love to fly

2. His love to flirt shamelessly,

3. His love to gossip freely.

It built the character of the cocky and often cynical Turk with a lazy disposition toward analytical genius.

When Reno thought of you, three different attributes came to mind, all centered around his adoration of your more assertive nature.

1#: Your love for attention.

Reno is convinced that he has a sixth sense for you, acutely aware every time you’re in proximity. It’s always been a distracting quality, whether in the heat of battle or now, relaxed comfortably against the couch with suspicious eyes as you kneel innocently between his spread thighs.

His call with Rude had started with business but eventually simmered into more mundane topics of social affairs and various forms of entertainment. Their partnership wasn’t a strong union without a bit of off-the-clock bonding.

It served as some much needed guy time, which was very prominently exclusive from yours.

Your selfish desire to have his attention at any given moment should have been an aggravating quality if you didn’t look so damn sexy with your attempts to garner it. Even now as his gaze follows the curve of your back as you arch to press your bosom against his chest.

He knows where this is leading immediately, yet only a small part of him feels bad for Rude.

“I … ah, no Yeah, I’m listening. I missed that highlight though. Tell me about it.”

Reno is aware of the tremor already thrumming at the end of his speech, an element of the situation that he can’t really do anything about. Neither about the hitch as you adjust your weight to hover over his apex, undulating your hips at a leisure pace with a whisper of friction. It’s the visual of promise that does most of the work as he watches the show through a half-lidded gaze. His arousal spiked the moment you entered the room and you already had a tight grip on the reins.

His leisure wear around the house does nothing to hide the thick line of provocation raising against the fabric. Reno tips his head back against the couch, the column of his throat jumping with a thick swallow as you adopt a more purposeful rhythm.

Sunlight spills across the whiteness of your smile as he responds brokenly to a prompt you can’t pick up on the other line. There’s a tremor to his hold of the phone, tight enough that you wonder if he’ll end the call prematurely before your fun is over.

Poor Rude has to know something is up as he fruitlessly attempts to gather the fraying threads of Reno’s attention. You can finally hear the deep baritone of his voice when you duck your head to run the flat of your tongue against Reno’s collar. There you nibble at the bone, teeth catching in away that he can’t ignore as a low groan tumbles from the redhead’s lips.

It’s enough to shift the rules of the game as you break an unnamed vow of silence, breathless sounds catching as you work yourself harder against the wet stain pooling in his lap. The pleasure is more than mutual now, Reno’s shoulder’s going taut with strain. He wets his lips sloppily and tilts his hips upwards to catch the downward drag against his more than interested erection.

The moment he opens his mouth to speak, you’re there to kiss the heat straight from his tongue, demanding entrance without question as your tongue slides against his aperture. With a whimper and sigh, you shift closer.

You’re not sure who breaks the kiss first, only reminded of a certain third party as Reno’s mouth skims down your chin.

“Sorry, Rude. It appears I’ve been summoned.”

#2 Your love to punish.

“Aw, Reno are you crying?”

He wasn’t, he wanted to deny vehemently. But as his eyes drew in tight together and the moisture collected against his lashes it didn't make for a very convincing argument. Shifting fruitlessly, Reno draws in a harrowing breath as the strain of his muscles pulls against the taut restraints pinning him to the bed frame.

It had taken him too long into a week of silence to realize he was the reason behind it. He had interpreted your cold shoulders and lack of communication as stress on the job, certainly not taking into account the plethora of time it allowed you to simmer about his blunder.

A fault he still couldn't pinpoint but he was sure if he asked anyone at the office, they would be able to procure a list out of nowhere. The redhead had a tendency to align towards recklessness and careless attitudes which more than often spelt trouble. One would think he would have learned his lesson by now. But they weren’t privy to the curriculum of those classes.

Or how enjoyable they were.

Or maybe he was just a bit of a masochist.

Folded snuggly around his turgid cock, Reno found heaven in the pits of hell as your drenched core worked back and forth. You were a sight to behold, seemingly unaffected aside from a light sheen of sweats as you grind the bareness of your flesh against his. While he’s the opposite, harsh pants and uninhibited whimpers.

And you enjoy it all with a wicked smile.

You adjust your hands, placing on against the firm heat of his chest while the other braces against the white curve of his shoulder, fingers curling into a visible pressure that blooms against the color of his skin. Your back arches, allowing the head of his cock to catch at the ring of your entrance before rotating back to ride back down his shaft.

His arms jerk with the motion of trying to reach, but it's an empty action without any real intent. More of a reflex than anything else. The spill of his precum makes a sticky web between your fingers as you circle the sensitive slit with your thumb. He’s swollen and fat and barely hanging on by a prayer.

With the help of a cock ring it might have made it easier. No matter how hard he tried to cum it just wouldn’t be in his cards. But there was something more beautiful about the curtailment he holds himself accountable to, resisting the urge to blow when having all the freedom to do so.

There is active pleasure in riding him like this, feeling every vein of his throbbing arousal spike gratification against your sensitive walls. But the true satisfaction came from every shudder and choked groan as he shakes his head to fight off the haze.

Mercy is a thin promise, slippery as your tongue skims across the seam of his lips. He believes it’s the closest he’ll get to tasting you, a bitter whimper leaking from his mouth in a muffled sound. The kiss is messy and hungry as you allow him the opportunity to sample your pleasure.

It only takes a subtle twist of the hips to guide his cock back in line as you back into the press of him inside you. Your wetness spills around him, almost excessively so as it spills against his inner thigh. It doesn’t take much for you to lose traction of your own orgasm, nothing stopping you from quaking freely around him as he rolls into a few finishing thrusts before stilling.

He’s rock hard, tremulous and near delirium and yet-

“Fuck me … I’m so in love with you.”

#3 You love the satisfaction of pleasing what's yours.

“You look stressed.”

Despite the mountain of paperwork on his desk, Reno’s attention was happily placed elsewhere. Before rolling to you, his gaze seemed very attentive to the screen of his phone as his fingers tapped a rhythm that looked more familiar to a mobile game than a response for a work related email. But now that you were here, he seemed pleased to have a new distraction.

Curling his fingers inward, he beckoned you closer and the moment you were in reach he pulled you into his lap.

“Beyond fucked over, you see all this shit Tseng has me doing?”

Laughing humorously at his expense, you leaned in to press a kiss to the generous exposure of his chest. “If that’s the same stack I saw delivered in here earlier today, I’m more inclined to say the blame is in your park. Did you even try?”

The hand at your waist squeezed as his lips formed something between a gripe and a grumble of complaint. “Of course I’ve been workin, yo. What do I look like, a freeloader?”

It was an open invitation that took credible effort not to buy into.

“You look like you could use a bit of TLC.”

Bracing against his shoulder, you readjust yourself to straddle his lap. Taking his face into your hands, you coax him into a slow kiss the taste of stale coffee and mints mixing with your own tang. Reno bites your tongue and you reflexively tangle your hands in his hair to pull it taut.

He winces at the action but doesn’t complain. “What are the chances of you riding me being in that wholesome itinerary of yours?”

You take the opportunity to make him flinch again, this time away from the sharp nip of your teeth against his bottom lip. “Slim to none.”

He offered a placating medium by rubbing his palms against your thighs, “So what do you have in mind then?”

His answer comes in the form of your hands at his buckle.

Pleased with the predictable but unvoiced assumption, Reno leans back readily in his chair to give you ample room. “Oh, shit yeah.”

Rolling your eyes, you free him from his briefs and curl your fingers around his length,”Try not to embarrass yourself.”

The redhead hisses out a ‘yes, ma’am’, instinctively rocking his hips into the downward thrust of your hand. You pull away just long enough to spit crudely into your palm before returning with an underhand grip. Anticipation seizes his muscles, overlaying the strain of stress as eyes slid shut.

At home you would have gone for a more languid approach, mimicking a gentle massage to build him up slowly and bring him down just as gently. But work offers a different time restraint as you work up to a more persistent, fluid motion strokes.

The hand still lingering on your thigh squeezes reflectively to the drag of your thumb over the head of his cock. The setting is too much of a stimulant to ignore, the need to rush injecting adrenaline into his veins and blooms outward from the line of his spine.

Familiar with the course of pleasure, you preemptively snatch a few tissues from the corner of his desk just in time to save his uniform from the spilling capitulation.

You’re still running the edges of the balled up material against your hands when his eyes blink open.

“Aw, you’re not going to lick it off? What a buzz kill.”

Despite his seemingly ungrateful wording, his tone held the gratitude needed to produce a smile on your lips to which he mirrors. Tucked away but still unbuttoned, he draws you in for a kiss that you indulge momentarily before slipping away.

When you look over your shoulder, the man is still sagged in his chair with a look of satisfaction as his wiggles his fingers in your direction.

“See you at home, yo. Thanks for the good ole’ love and care.”

#reno x reader #ff7 reno #ffvii x reader #ffvii remake

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paradife-loft · 3 years

Note

Hi! I absolutely love the meta about NMJ's Empathy memories being unreliable, and it's got me wondering about how his qi deviation and death actually went. Since LXC says he saw the qi deviation (and Fatal Journey says it was in public), what's your take on how JGY got NMJ into his secret room so he and Xue Yang could use the Tiger Seal (and eventually kill him)? Fatal Journey has the Nie sect holding a funeral for him, so presumably NHS had /soneone's/ body to bury, but then in The Untamed LXC later says something like he 'hasn't heard from' NMJ in years and had feared the worst, so things... don't seem to add up? What do you think?

Aaah, okay, so: first off, I’m incredibly sorry it’s taken me so long to answer this, and I nonetheless very much appreciate your interest in my opinions here <3 If you’re still hanging around/following me/reading my blog, anon, idk how obvious it’s been that I’ve… not been having the best few months brain-wise, but that’s basically all I can offer as an excuse for why this reply is coming so late. Thank you for your patience!

So, okay, I think I’m going to try and tackle this question from a couple different angles. First of all, I think it’s worth looking at the material provided in the contained story of the 50 episodes of The Untamed on its own, to see what that suggests, before bringing in outside or supplemental sources, which is what for this purpose I’d consider spin-off movies, details in other versions of the broader MDZS story material, etc. to be. Also, I want to note upfront that while I do tend to incorporate different details and versions of events from both CQL and MDZS into my personal headcanon, what I write in my fic, etc. because I think they tend to provide interesting possibilities, elaborations, and what-ifs for a broader composite MDZS-adaptation-universe – for the purposes of this post, I’m going to stick to material from The Untamed and Fatal Journey only. Mostly, my reason for that is that there’s a few logistically distinct details of how the qi deviation happens in MDZS compared to CQL – one being, it happens at Qinghe rather than Lanling – that I believe affect the timeline of what Jin Guangyao is doing with Nie Mingjue’s corpse in the first place.

Alright so, in The Untamed alone, the evidence such as we have includes: the Empathy sequence involving the qi deviation in episode 41, and Lan Xichen’s statement in episode 39 recounting that he saw it happen himself at Jinlintai, and that after hearing nothing from/about Nie Mingjue since, he’s been “mentally prepared” - presumably, for the news that he’s dead. What I’m inclined to take from those two pieces of information, is essentially a story like this: NMJ qi deviates, very publically, and at some point while this is happening, he makes a break for it and leaves Jinlintai, and whatever presumably messy trail he leaves in the process ends up going cold for anyone trying to follow, with no NMJ around to be seen. With various factors at Jinlintai invested in retrieving him for attempting to turn him into a controllable fierce corpse, it’s pretty easy to imagine that, besides whatever above-board search party tried to follow him, there would also have been another party closely watching his movements for an opportune moment to slip in and scoop him up to bring him back to the secret treasure room for fierce corpse experimentation – hence why the trail would’ve gone cold.

Now, the actual scene showing the qi deviation itself doesn’t include multiple elements I’m positing or including here – specifically, the presence of a bunch of third parties actually witnessing it, LXC included, and then also the idea that NMJ ever left that one landing at the top of the stairs during the qi deviation at all. But, since we see in other parts of the Empathy sequence that the events shown can be… a bit more impressionistic than accurate; and furthermore since it seems reasonable to posit that the memories of the time when he has a literal break with reality might be even less literally reliable than the rest of them – I think those aspects can be reasonably explained away as that scene portraying more of what the qi deviation felt like from the inside, than what an outside observer would’ve seen. Nie Mingjue’s focus is Jin Guangyao, so Jin Guangyao is all he sees – up until Nie Huaisang breaks through that monomaniacal focus and is seen, finally, as himself.

(If you particularly want to pull out some feelings, I might even suggest the idea that finally seeing a distraught NHS was the thing that pulled NMJ sufficiently out of his rage to be lucid enough to flee – and that he booked it in part because he was terrified and ashamed to possibly hurt his younger brother, whether physically or emotionally by letting him see NMJ in such an awful state.

So then, aside from that: the question of what we see in Fatal Journey. I’ve actually been trying to find an answer about what kinds of mourning customs would be followed or even possible if a family didn’t actually have their loved one’s body on hand to bury, but thusfar my internet searching hasn’t really gotten me any useful information one way or another – if anyone reading has an idea or some good sources to point me to, I’d love to hear them! Everything I’ve read so far seems to very tightly marry the performance of appropriate rites and the presence of a body together.

That said, looking back through the actual funeral scene in Fatal Journey, I also wasn’t able to notice the presence of a coffin anywhere in the set, either? We see a memorial tablet, set up in the front of the throne room at Qinghe, and what looks like a brief shot of some offerings, and NHS stoking the fire, but in the couple brief scenes of the inside of the hall, I don’t think there was a coffin set up there? (Or, for that matter, out in the courtyard which we get a longer look at, either.) Compared to what I at least assume is a coffin with Jin Zixuan’s body inside during the mourning scene in episode 32, I feel like it’s reasonable to guess that, even with Fatal Journey included, whatever mourning rites took place at Qinghe after NMJ’s death, they may simply have not involved a body or a burial at all.

- And actually, now that I’m thinking about it, taking Fatal Journey into consideration overall suggests that it might ultimately be the norm at Qinghe to hold mourning rites without a body present – because per the lore additions in the movie, the Nie sect leaders go down to die on their own at the bottom of the saber tomb, and it sure doesn’t look like anybody had been going down there to retrieve them once they did? So, I don’t know, maybe there’s some sort of symbolic burial of something associated with the sect leader as a Nie custom, to keep things looking a bit more normal and less “we build a tomb for these resentment-filled blade spirits that eat our sect leader’s sanity”, and that’s also what ended up being done for Nie Mingjue? But, yeah, there’s no real confirmation happening even in the movie that NHS was able to come back with a body to bury, so I don’t think that necessarily contradicts the idea that NMJ could have gone missing during his qi deviation and never been properly recovered for a 100% confirmed death.

(That said, I personally don’t tend to incorporate, oh, most of the specific events or points of lore from Fatal Journey into my own readings on various elements of the story? Like, quite frankly, I don’t really like the movie that much, and I think it opens up a lot more unnecessary character and worldbuilding questions without doing a good job of integrating them back into the rest of The Untamed’s continuity (er, such as it exists XD). So I don’t necessarily have an opinion on whether “the Nie sect generally doesn’t do bodily burials of is clan leaders” is an idea anyone should pick up for The Untamed canon; merely that if you do take the events of Fatal Journey as canon, it certainly seems like it could be a possibility.)

(And again, big, big big disclaimer here that, e.g. if holding any kind of mourning rites without a body present is actually super Not Done, then what I’m saying with this part might be totally moot, and then well…. who knows, there’s plenty of speculation that could be used to cover that gap up – maybe “they never found the body” wasn’t actually widespread knowledge, but rather just information LXC had special access to due to the relationships he had with the people involved? – and some set of people depending on your preferences conspired to get another body to stand in for NMJ’s to allow them to hold a funeral? ….Which honestly sounds incredibly sketchy to me on its own, but considering all the other professionally Yikes-style desecrations of bodies that happen in this story…. who knows? I’m really just tossing out ideas here at this point, not saying I necessarily endorse any of them outside of “I think this could potentially work in some way without being out of character for anybody”.)

Anyway… I hope that answers your question, anon, and is otherwise interesting for everyone else reading? Thank you for the ask, and apologies again for taking so long to respond! <3

#ask a James #meta #no good things for the poor sad cultivators #The Untamed #Nie Mingjue #rambling #op #Anonymous

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sweets-r-cool · 4 years

Text

Sleepless pt. 2 (Bakugo x reader)

So- it seemed like everyone rlly liked part one- so thank you for that... anyways- I hope this lives up to your expectations but idk just

Part one

One week. One whole ass week of (7) full days.

That was the amount of time you spent ignoring- completely avoiding- Bakugo Katsuki.

According to him, you were a dumbass. However, you weren’t so stupid as to the fact the last comment he made before he left the gym that night (morning?) was basically a weird, sort of twisted not really but also really a confession.

The girl he was talking about was apparently a dumbass, you were his dumbass. Your face flushed at the thought.

You kind of hated that it did though. Considering, believing you were the girl he liked also meant admitting you were a dumbass. You kind of were- but that didn’t mean you were willing to acknowledge it.

That was irrelevant.

Bakugo Katsuki liked you. The angry hedgehog of Class 1-A, who called anyone he didn’t call an insulting nickname an extra, had feelings for you. It was kind of weird. Such an angry existence feeling more than the willingness to deal with you. It made you nauseous, but in the excited sort of way. As well as the super embarrassed sort of way.

Hence why you literally ran an extra lap in training when you noticed the ash blond boy walking over to you. You literally ran away from him. You didn’t even like running.

It was also why you were currently in the same gym room the whole situation rooted from. Pounding your fists against the very same punching bag Bakugo had been that night.

At this rate, it would be like a reverse deja vu situation. It was currently 3:18 AM. Also, you were already in the gym; however, you really hoped it wouldn’t actually be reverse deja vu, because that would mean Bakugo would come to you, and as mentioned before, you were avoiding him.

You didn’t really have a good reason for avoiding him. It was just sort one of those situations you didn’t want to be awkward, but the problem is you knew you’d make it awkward somehow. You and your high on sleep deprivation mind.

You were still unable to sleep,and it was still because of Bakugo.

Only now, it was because you couldn’t help the giddy feeling in your heart, stomach, cheeks, and overall existence. It made you roll around in bed smiling and kicking your legs until the adrenaline wore off or until you simply fell off your bed with a squawk from your mouth and a thud from your body, earning an “Are u okay?” text from whoever heard your antics.

You eventually took a small break from punching your feelings away to drink some water. When you did, your phone buzzed with a notification from Instagram.

That was odd. Kirishima wasn’t usually awake at this time.

You gulped, praying to whatever deity up there that Bakugo wouldn’t be able to guess your whereabouts.

You were glad Kirishima had your back. Even if it did sort of intervene in his role as wing man, you didn’t feel like talking to Bakugo yet. Kirishima was a real one. You’d probably just find a way to yeet yourself into oblivion before that. Even if that wasn’t a very realistic choice.

You stretched your back and yawned. You should be asleep by now, but whatever. Bakugo and Kirishima were awake for what ever reason, though Kirishima seemed like he was woken up by Bakugo. In his words, most likely a ‘so not manly’ move on Bakugo’s part. If a bro is able to enjoy sleep, you should let them. Then again, suffering with sleep deprivation together was always fun.

You picked up your stuff, deciding that should be it for tonight. You were kind of sore already from earlier today’s training and so adding anymore than this would only make you more sore, which wasn’t ideal.

You walked to the door, casually swinging it open.

You nearly ran into someone’s chest due to the fact it was clad in a black tanktop which almost blended in with the darkness of the hallway. Luckily, you caught sight of the fair skin attached to the ash blond locks...

What-

Suddenly you felt the color leave your face as your eyes met with deep crimson ones, piercing in the best way possible as always.

Within what felt like the millisecond, your hand reached for the door knob, pulling it towards you with the purpose of slamming it. Only when Bakugo caught hold of it, successfully stopping you, did you decide this was the end.

You turned around, maybe you could get in a few more good punches to that poor punching bag before you died of embarrassment. You felt a cold sweat replace the natural one, caused by working out and not your emotional state.

How could Kirishima betray you?!

You pulled out your phone.

Maybe you should tattoo ‘Lysol’ on his forehead instead of Kaminari’s, because that was what he deserved like the bacteria he was. Friendship was fragile as glass, there was no coming back from this for him. He probably just told Bakugo so he could go back to sleep without having to deal with your bullshit. Kirishima was fake. So fake.

That sucked for Kirishima, because now you were going to make sure he felt your pain.

You meant it. You were coming for his kneecaps-

“Hey, Dumbass,” Bakugo’s raspy voice stopped you in your tracks as he walked through the doorway. You turned around with a sheepish frown, “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

You breathed out harshly, “Narnia?” That worked. In your brain, of course. You were gonna die. Good going, you.

Bakugo deadpanned at your idiotic answer. His look read, “What the fuck?”

You really couldn’t blame him.

Where was the portal to the void when you needed it?

You straightened, opting to find a way out of this. “Ya’ know what, Bakugo? I just realized, Narnia is that way, since- ya’know, there aren’t any closets here for me to hide in. I mean,” you cleared you throat, “use as a portal.”

You began to swiftly walk with purpose. Purpose to escape and avoid this awkward interaction. You barely made passed him, the door was so close when he grabbed your wrist, not intending to let go.

You head snapped to his gaze, then down to your wrist and his hand. You laughed, the panic underlying in it clear. “Hey, Bakugo. Just thought I’d let you know, I spilled dumb bitch juice all over me, so you might wanna let go before it spreads-”

“Shut the fuck up and talk to me,” Bakugo asserted.

You sighed, standing up normally instead of the previous ready-to-run pose you were in just the second before. “T-talk about what,” you asked coyly.

You could practically see the angry tics for on Bakugo’s temple as his eyebrow twitched. At the same time, his face was dusted with a light blush, which only got your face to turn a deeper, much darker red. Bakugo cupped your cheeks, you flinched and your heart started beating faster.

However, you felt slightly relaxed and also disappointed when all he did was squeeze your cheeks together. Though it hurt a little, it was something your poor heart could take at the moment.

“You fucking- You fucking know what I’m saying, Dumbass,” he said as you managed to pry his hands off your cheeks.

You sighed, turning away, embarrassed still. “Yeah,” you began to pout, “but what kind of sort-of but not really confession was that, you asshole?!”

Now wasn’t the time for you to get mad, but you couldn’t tell if it was because of how late (early?) it was or if it was because you weren’t used to talking about love or things like that. It was probably the latter, considering the only other person aside from you who knew about your crush on Bakugo was Kirishima and Kirishima alone.

It was whatever, you already got mad, there was no going back.

Bakugo looked confused for once as you turned back around with an expression on your face he’d never seen before. Were you... flustered?

“Don’t look at me like that! I like you, Mr.I’m-good-at-everything-but-confessions! I like you, you asshole, and if your gonna confess do it better,” you crossed your arms, fuming in a more joking way, but your face really was red and no amount of pretending it wasn’t would change that. “So yeah, I like you... now what?”

You couldn’t keep your lips in a frown for much longer as you found your lips curling upwards instead. Bakugo took a few steps towards you, his chest only inches from your own.

You had to look up at him, due to your height difference, but that wasn’t what you cared about.

Bakugo scoffed, his eyes not leaving yours. Bakugo wasn’t even sure it was possible to pry his eyes from your captivating e/c, not right now at least. “I like you,” he smirked, watching your face deteriorate back into it’s flustered expression, “is that better?”

You huffed, “Much-” you were cut off when Bakugo pushed his lips against yours. Your eyes widened before fluttering closed as you melted into the kiss.

It was fiery, just like Bakugo himself. It was hard not to smile. The kiss was also sort of needy, maybe it was because you ignored the explosive blond for a whole week, or maybe it was because of how long you liked each other without acting on it.

It wasn’t something you cared to know the answer of.

There was also one more thing.

You couldn’t tell if you cared or not anymore, but the back of your mind screamed you would still not be able to sleep, too happy to. All because of this dumb hoe, Bakugo Katsuki. It was fine, because now he was your dumb hoe.

~ extra ~

“Sleep deprived as always, eh, Y/n?” Kirishima nudged your elbow, both in a friendly way and to keep you awake.

“Watch your back, Kiri, if you want to keep your knee caps...” you trailed off, glaring daggers into him.

“What?! Didn’t things go well?!” the redhead exclaimed, panicked.

“Yes. They did, but still. >:(”

~~~~

it’s currently 2:21 am for me rn lmao

277 notes · View notes

lightsandlostbells · 4 years

Text

wtFOCK season 3, episode 1 reaction

So! It’s a million years too late, but I decided to talk about wtFOCK season 3.

I had fairly positive feelings about S1 of wtFOCK. It was the scrappy underdog of the Skam remakes, in a way, and what it lacked in polish, it made up for authenticity. I was very willing to overlook its flaws because of what I perceived as genuine attempts to connect with teenagers. I was really, really holding out hope that future seasons would improve on its flaws. And ... well. (Disclaimer: I still haven’t seen S2. Sorry! I just failed to keep up with all the remakes and S2 is my least fave so I didn’t feel that motivated to make it a priority, even though I did like Zoë a lot in S1.)

Heads up - I didn’t care for this season. A lot of people did, and I would never, ever want to ruin someone’s enjoyment of something, even if I personally didn’t like it. So please take this as a warning that I have a lot of negative things to say, and don’t read if it’s going to harsh your buzz for a pairing or a story that you deeply love. However, I didn’t want to just be grumpy and angry the whole time, so I tried to think of constructive ways to fix certain problems I had with this season. No guarantees that they’re satisfying solutions, but it was an interesting exercise.

Also, I didn’t watch this in real time, and I paid barely any attention to fandom reactions and/or drama, so it’s very possible that I am missing context, or that pacing issues didn’t register with me quite as strongly, etc. If one of the actors ate a live dolphin on Instagram, and then got into a fight with fans on Twitter about their right to eat live dolphins, and now fandom has canceled the problematic dolphin-eating actor, I legit do not know, do not come at me if I’m like “This actor is doing a good job” with “Wow, didn’t know you stanned dolphin-eaters??? YIKES.” Honestly, for the purposes of just grading this season on a storytelling level, I would prefer not to know anything about the cast or crew unless it directly has an impact on the show itself.

Clip 1 - House party

OK, I did like this flashy intro shot, immersing us in the Wild ‘n’ Crazy Teen Party of Wild ‘n’ Crazy Youths.

Amber rejecting every dude in site … When Will Gay Vilde Rise. (I know there have been some f/f storylines in the remakes, but if there’s one involving an actual Vilde, please let me know.)

Luca saying “We’re not walking around in a high school drama” - you can hear the rimshot.

I do like the transition from the party up to the bathroom, that’s a cool shot. wtFOCK’s directing so far is more ambitious than it was in S1.

Robbe is clearly a mess and they acknowledge his problems at home right off the bat.

We go back downstairs. wtFOCK’s version of Magnus knocks his drink on Amber and she gets pissed. She gives him the finger and he falls in love. Still a better love story than S3 Daphne/Basile.

It’s a small point, but I don’t get why we didn’t get this moment before jumping up to the bathroom with Robbe and the others? It would be a far smoother transition, just on a practical level and also in the sense of fully immersing us in Robbe’s POV after a quick update with the other characters.

Belgian Magnus joins the guys in the bathtub and announces he’s in love. They roast him when they find out it’s Amber and start talking about hot chicks. Moyo starts grilling Robbe about his type of girl, in a crass, sexual way.

This is honestly not a bad start to Robbe’s story at all. Robbe is clearly more reluctant to get into his interest in girls than Isak was - Isak was more fuckboyish from the start, Robbe seems like he’s about to start squirming and doesn’t really give an answer to Moyo’s questioning. Which is fine! I think it’s fine to start off the POV character at different stages of performing heterosexuality, as long as it’s taken into account in the writing of the character’s whole arc. The fact that the boy talk is so crude and sexual just ramps up Robbe’s alienation.

I swear, I will never understand how the girls in this scene just go into the bathroom and pee in front of strange boys … like maybe I am just a ~prude but that seems like a recipe for disaster and I would not trust those little fuckers to not be secretly recording me on the toilet.

Her peeing is kind of a power move, like marking her territory.

Also L M A O at Robbe starting to flirt with the girl while she is pissing … like now this comes off as a kink thing. OK, Robbe. Jokes aside, this gets across the same meaning as the scene with Isak: he starts to flirt with her because he was encouraged by the other guys.

Uh, flush the toilet, lady. And use some TP.

Now this version of Emma seriously radiates some Natalie Portman in The Professional vibes.

She orders him to stand up and then starts kissing him. I get way less of a vibe of Robbe’s mad game with women (like how Isak negged Emma into kissing him) and more like this girl is the love interest out of an indie romcom, all mysterious and spunky. She kisses him like once after taking his jay and then leaves. The boys all crack up. Moyo tells Robbe it’s his responsibility to get the weed back which lmao, no it’s not, all you assholes were there and could have intervened.

This scene is perfectly fine and even effective! Not entirely the same vibes as OG, but it still has a purpose and some obvious cause-and-effect, and there are some nice stylistic choices.

Clip 2 - Party pt. 2

Robbe is now making out with mystery girl. We already have a divergence in characterization from OG. Isak was being performative about making out with Emma and shut it down once the guys left. Robbe is making out with this girl because he wants to be straight, I guess? If it’s not to appeal to his friends, it’s likely that this is for himself. Again, I have no real problem with this change if it’s incorporated into Robbe’s overall arc and characterization. My thing is, if you’re writing this scene, do you realize the differences in characterization? Or do you think this is interchangeable from what happened with Isak? The latter is where you run into problems, because then the writing shows lack of nuance. I bring this up here because, well, you can guess how I feel about later events.

Luca seems rather aggro about the mystery woman, which I assume is because she still has the hots for Robbe?

It makes me laugh that we got this first-person POV as Robbe leaves through the garage, because of the “Smack My Bitch Up” song being played in the last clip (the song had an infamous music video, banned from MTV in the ‘90s, that was from a first-person POV). But again, WTFock is trying harder with the cinematography and direction, good for them.

Robbe ditches the cops by jumping on the bike with Belgian Emma. OK, I get it, Belgian Emma is too cool for school.

I have kinda mixed feelings on that, actually. I mean, I’ll be honest - I don’t see why any Emma has to be made into someone more palatable. Definitely don’t demonize her or present her in a misogynistic way! She deserves sympathy and dignity as much as any character on a Skam. But … it’s fine if she and the Isak aren’t like, amazingly compatible except for his sexuality. The Even character is supposed to be the one who really shakes up the Isak’s world! The Isak is supposed to be lost and confused and drifting and then Even comes in and is someone he can really open up to. Not just because he’s another guy who’s into guys, but because Even’s personality meshes with Isak’s so easily while still challenging him and introducing him to new things. In a way, it does kinda diminish the effect of the Even if the Isak meets ANOTHER mysterious stranger who’s an awesome person. Or at the very least, it lessens the feeling of the Isak’s detachment from everything.

And again, this could work if the writing realizes it. You can totally craft a subtly different arc from the pieces of Isak’s season. It’s just that (speaking from the future) I do not feel this is what happened.

Clip 3 - Tagging time

I don’t think it’s necessary to break up all the parts of a longer scene/set piece into a bunch of different clips. If you start a scene at 16:00, it’s OK to have the clip take place over several hours. You don’t need to chop it up unless there’s a reason why this pacing might benefit the story. Honestly, if you’re watching in real time, I think this method is often less effective at building tension/emotion/etc. But wtFOCK is not the first remake to try this tactic.

... this part where Robbe and Noor put on masks sure hits differently in 2020.

Belgian Emma’s name is Noor and she takes him to a warehouse, or something? It’s very secret and Cool Kid. And IDK, it’s fun, but again… I think making the Emma that much of a fun mysterious cool exciting person is very much diminishing the effect of Robbe’s isolation. We had a good start with establishing that alienation while he was in the tub, but now his reactions to her rad hipness feel way too sincere and act against the major character conflict of his season. He seems nervous to go with her, but not because he’s with a girl, just because it’s a risky scenario.

Noor hands Robbe a spray paint can and leads him to tag a wall. There’s a guy taking pictures. So I’m assuming one of the guys in masks is the Even? The POV seems to shift to the photo guy briefly, like we’re seeing Robbe through his eyes. And even though I’m not a fan of POV breakage, I do think this is a cool way to introduce the Even without really introducing him, you know? If that’s him. (EDIT from the future: Ummm, so that wasn’t Sander, right? I’m rewatching and it doesn’t look like him. Soooo that part has even less relevance than I originally thought. Got it.) (EDIT from the future beyond the future: @hellswolfie tells me that this actually was Sander, so I am just bad at recognizing people, lol.)

Robbe and Noor take off their masks briefly to kiss. Uhhhh, did the scene really just … cut off there? Because L M A O what a weird choice. We don’t get to see what Robbe creates on the wall, which could be a great way to establish his character, AND we end with him on a smiley, contented note which does not boost his POV at all. It legit just makes him seem like a guy who’s into this girl, and sorry, even if that’s his public persona at this point in time … that’s not what we, the audience should be getting at all.

Clip 4 - Boy squad morning after

Robbe skateboards to meet up with the guy squad. Again, the directing is far better IMO than in S1.

Robbe got the weed back so that conflict is over, I guess.

He gets a call from his mom and stops laughing with the guys and gets serious. He walks away to take the call. Then he starts to open up to Jens about his mom freaking out, and then Moyo spots some girls so they all ditch Robbe to go chase girls, and WOW, Jens, please turn in your Jonas card.

Don’t love that we didn’t hear his mom on the phone. There’s no reason not to let us hear what she’s saying since it would be in Robbe’s POV AND as it turns out, they just tell us about the situation with his mom right off the bat, anyway, so it’s not like there’s much point in hiding it.

This was effective in a sense to establish how girl-crazy his friends are, as well as setting up Robbe’s isolation, which I was worried wouldn’t come across as strongly after meeting Noor. But I think they could have NOT mingled in his mom issues to make this part more effective. Like if the goal was to show more of Robbe being alienated because he’s gay, then that’s not entirely successful, because there are non-gay reasons why Robbe wouldn’t join his pals on the girl chase. I mean, even a horny hetero Robbe might not want to chase girls with his bros because talking to his mom is a downer, so it’s not necessarily because of his sexuality. Plus he just found a girl he liked in Noor, so apparently, he’s not on the prowl. What this part IS communicating that the Belgian guy squad doesn’t have much interest in their friend’s family struggles, which ... ehhhh, maybe not great in the grand scheme of the storyline? These guys can be flawed, for sure, but we do need them to care about Robbe’s well-being. And Robbe tried to open up here, so the flaw is not in him, it’s in his friends. I’m going to let it slide because Jens was offering to help Robbe in the first clip, so it’s not like he’s been a totally insensitive friend this whole time.

Clip 5 - Phone call from Robbe’s dad

Noor jumps on Robbe and they make out. She shows him the garage and they talk about the tagging world or w/e. Again, not sure why they are portraying Noor as like … a legit love interest. I don’t get much of a sense of discomfort from Robbe. Isak was just not into Emma and was uncomfortable when his bathroom flirting came back to haunt him. And I don’t think it’s TERRIBLE not to follow that route, but you can’t just make this huge change if you don’t account for it in future episodes and Robbe’s overall arc. (EDIT from the future: Which I don’t think they do, otherwise I wouldn’t care.) Every scene should count in furthering Robbe’s character, especially this early in the season where we’re just getting to know his particular struggles. If Robbe is trying to convince himself to like girls, then I want to see definite vulnerability in how that’s portrayed.

I blame the directing/writing more than the acting for the lack of discomfort, since I sensed Robbe’s lack of comfort just fine in the bathtub scene.

Makeouts get interrupted when Robbe’s dad calls. Again, not sure why we aren’t hearing both sides of the conversation? Because we’re in Robbe’s POV. Why wouldn’t we hear them? This seems like they just want to create some suspense or mystery over the situation with his parents. But it’s perfectly possible to do so while still letting us in on the phone calls. In fact, it’s arguably more intriguing to let us listen to some phone calls where we get some vague details but nowhere close to the whole story. It’s not like Robbe’s dad is going to explain the whole situation to his son in an exposition dump. We can get some crumbs to tease us, while still keeping us in Robbe’s POV and not feeling like the show is cutting corners.

Robbe gets mad at his dad and tells Noor he needs to be alone. Closeup on Noor as Robbe walks away. OK … why? Why on her and not Robbe when it’s his POV? Why the focus on Noor’s feelings when we really need to be establishing our protagonist’s mindset in the beginning of this season? I’m not saying her feelings don’t matter, I’m saying that well, this isn’t her story. It would be better to see Robbe’s pained reaction as he leaves.

Clip 6 - Robbe’s dad drama

Jens comes running up while Robbe is being sad. Robbe says that it may be necessary for him to stay with Jens because Robbe’s mom has been committed to a mental health institution and Robbe doesn’t want to stay with his dad. Ah, so I guess we’re hearing that right away. Which honestly makes not hearing his phone calls to his parents even funnier - like you lock us out of his POV arguably for the suspense, but then you end the suspense anyway by just telling us what happened a scene or two later? All right. I guess there’s suspense in that we don’t know exactly what’s up with the mom, mental health-wise, or the root of Robbe’s problems with his dad.

It occurs to me that maybe they just didn’t want to hire people to voice Robbe’s parents? Or put in the time to film both sides of the conversation? I have a hard time believing either of those because it’s so lazy, but.

I mean, just turn the phone conversations into text conversations if you’re not going to let us listen to Robbe’s parents on the other end.

They go and play football without really resolving the situation. Sad music plays while Robbe joins in. Also, someone was calling Robbe, and I assume it was his dad, but it’s not shown.

These clips are VERY short and choppy so far. You could easily combine the last two, so Robbe is with Jens instead of Noor when he gets the other phone call from his dad, leading into this conversation.

We know immediately about Robbe’s mom’s situation instead of it being a mystery, like with Isak. Which, again, isn’t inherently wrong, but then I want them to DO SOMETHING with it.

Clip 7 - Jens and Jana

Oh hey, Jana got her braces off! IDK if that happened last season or this one, but it was something I liked, seeing a teenage girl with braces on a teen drama. That rarely happens unless it’s a joke or a plot point.

OK, they really need to film Robbe’s phone so I can actually see who’s calling…

Jens tells Jana about Robbe’s parental situation. I’ll note that first she asks if something’s up with Noor, so news of the Robbe/Noor relationship must have traveled really fast since they’ve only just gotten together. Like Robbe and Noor are clearly dating, going off Jana’s comment, and not just hooking up. Then Belgian Magnus wants to know about hooking up with Amber. Meanwhile Robbe is having a conversation off screen with his dad? Guess it wasn’t important!

And that’s the problem, obviously. It’s his POV season, anything you decide to show SHOULD be important to his storyline.

Also … it’s fine that we’re focusing on Robbe’s shit home life since that’s relevant to his story, but almost nothing in these clips has set up Robbe’s attraction to men, and only slightly his lack of interest in girls, which was negated by him seeming very interested in a girl afterwards. And knowing how long this season takes to get going with the Even character, it’s a pretty glaring omission.

So we don’t see Robbe’s phone call with his dad, but he gets snappy about it when Jens asks. One of the boys (I can’t tell who) says that Robbe’s on his period. Gonna be real, I don’t care for this squad so far.

What was the point of this clip? We already know Robbe is having problems with his dad, which is the most relevant part to the plot here. We shouldn’t be wandering from Robbe’s POV so much, but even taking that into account … we already know Belgian Magnus likes Amber, so that’s not necessary to establish. And we didn’t need to see Jens tell Jana something we already know. I assume he tells her so Zoë can find out and offer a room, but there’s no reason to see Jens tell Jana this, so. Filler clip.

Clip 8 - Zoë and Robbe at the lockers

Yeah, Zoë offers Robbe a place to stay here, but again, we didn’t need to see the news travel down the Jens-Jana pipeline. It could have been condensed more efficiently.

Robbe doesn’t want to because he says his dad wouldn’t approve. Zoë says she hopes things get better with his mom and Robbe at first snaps and tells her to leave it, then says thanks. This is an actual good interaction, writing-wise, kudos.

I liked Zoë a lot in S1 and I like her here again. I really should watch her season despite my Noorhelm allergy. The scene of them kinda smiling at each other across the hallways reminds me that this is probably the strongest relationship in the whole season, tbh.

Why was this clip so short? So many of these clips could have been combined into one. I mean, Zoë could have said, “I heard from Jana who heard from Jens...” without us needing the previous clip. Although, did Robbe really want anyone else to know about his home life? Lol @ Jens just blabbing Robbe’s private business.

So I guess they didn’t set up the Eskild situation in S2 that would lead to Eskild offering Robbe a place to stay?

Clip 9 - Robbe gets roommates

Robbe is in Zoë’s room. He sees her “everyone you know is fighting a battle” quote next to the mirror, which is a detail I actually quite like in context with the rest of this storyline and Even’s condition. It’s a good Skam thesis overall.

I guess Zoë met with Robbe’s dad. Zoë calls him a tough cookie. Robbe doesn’t want to speak to him. They bond a little over their parental problems. Again, a nice detail.

Belgian Eskild appears and teases Robbe a little before announcing that Robbe’s dad has agreed to let him stay in the flat. Yay!

Oh, so Senne is staying there, too? At least they didn’t do a pointless Noorhelm breakup in this version.

Milan (the Eskild) tries to go in for a hug and Robbe isn’t cool with it, so at least that’s something with Robbe’s issues with men. (I think? The thing is, Robbe also does not really know Milan, so it’s not as weird that he’s not ready to be affectionate with a near-stranger.) (EDIT from the future: Keeping the S2 almost-kiss that’s referenced in the next clip in mind, I can rationalize this moment as a continuation of that awkwardness from Robbe’s POV.)

They chat with Lisa (Linn) who wants to direct Robbe on what he is and isn’t allowed to touch in her room, heh. Milan and Zoë have cute interaction, and Robbe looks happy. I do like the flatmate vibe so far, they seem fun.

Clip 10 - Robbe and Milan

Senne and Zoë get cute. I haven’t seen S2 so I can’t give my opinion on their version of Noorhelm, but I did think a few things about them were less creepy in wtFOCK’s S1 than in OG. Milan talks about how they’re a Disneylike couple and Robbe laughs.

Then Robbe apologizes for something that evidently happened in S2, where Milan tried to kiss Robbe at a party? Again, I didn’t see the scene. Milan says he’d never try to do that. He offers Robbe a hug, which he accepts - tbh I don’t know if Robbe SHOULD accept based on where he is in his character arc, maybe he should have more skittishness? But it’s a nice character moment, at least. They really have to make up for lost time with the Robbe-Milan relationship, so I can get that they need to establish some closeness fast.

Not being in the wtFOCK fandom, I kinda wonder if there was backlash to that scene from before and this is damage control, LMAO.

I feel like you could’ve tweaked this to be more representative of Robbe’s issues, like have him stress here that he’s not gay, because it’s a sweet scene but again, I don’t feel like this episode built up Robbe’s internal dilemma very well. You could make this not just about smoothing over whatever bump there was in this relationship, but also about setting up some internal tension with Robbe’s sexuality issues. Multi-tasking - it’s great!

EDIT from the future: OK, I tracked down the S2 scene, and yeah, while it illustrates some of Robbe’s internalized homophobia, I really think you needed to carry this through to this clip. Because that was a very public situation, and they made a point of emphasizing onlookers’ reactions. I feel like you need to show that Robbe’s internalized homophobia isn’t just about external reactions, but internal struggles, because ... so far, that’s what it is? Like what is he doing with Noor otherwise?

Clip 11 - Housewarming party

Party is underway. Yasmina is there and is friendly with Robbe. It sounds like they’re working on a school project together. Aaron (Magnus) and Moyo are talking about hot chicks again.

Noor arrives and the boys tease Robbe about how far he’s gone, Robbe looks pretty chill and happy until Moyo says Robbe’s getting laid tonight and you can see the nerves and reluctance take over. Okay! A character detail that actually works for his arc! Yes!

Partying, makeouts with Noor … sorry but they are wasting a lot of time with this relationship. ROBBE ISN’T INTO HER. Here’s the thing: I don’t want to demonize any of Evak’s female “love interests,” right? It’s pointless anyway because Evak is the endgame pairing, Sonja and Emma aren’t “threats” in the end, but also because they’re not bad people just for wanting to date these two guys who happens to want each other instead. And I think you can do interesting things with Sonja and Emma as characters. I’ve read Sonja fanfic that’s really good!

But when it comes down to it … this is not the story of Robbe/Noor, and there’s a point where it feels like there’s too much development for something that is really intended to be a speed bump in Robbe’s journey.

I guess it’s a pet peeve of mine when gay stories devote a ton of time to het relationships, to the point where it begins to overshadow the main gay relationship. Love, Victor did this to an absolutely ridiculous degree. (I actually made notes for Love, Victor reactions, but hesitated to post them because 60% consisted of me typing I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE STRAIGHT ROMANCES.) And I GET it, this is an experience many gay kids go through in their coming out journey, but also, less charitably… you don’t need het romance to dominate everything. You don’t need to make this about how a gay person being gay hurts a straight person. I genuinely appreciate that once Isak kisses Even, it’s fucking over with him and Emma, that plot thread is done.

Anyway, Noor tells Robbe he’s so fucking hot and Robbe looks more uncomfortable, moreso when she wants to see his room and he goes off like he’s headed to Mordor.

Aaron checking out Amber … okay, again with all the het. I don’t care!!! This is not important right now!!

Noor pushes Robbe onto the bed, ugh please don’t have them Go There.

She takes off her top and Robbe touches her boob like he’s sticking his hand into a porta-potty. We see his discomfort so at least this part is effective and relevant to Robbe’s arc. Noor is taking off her bra when the boys come into the room, wanting the weed. Okay, you dumb fucks, you’re teasing your bro about getting laid and yet you think it’s cool to enter his room when he’s with a girl? I mean, that’s a lucky break for Robbe, but his friends are extra stupid.

The mood is killed, Robbe goes hunting for weed. Episode ends.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Lmao, some of my changes sounded a lot like “be like OG Skam S3.” Because Skam S3 was well-written and made sense. But I tried to think of edits that worked with what wtFOCK was presenting, not just repeating OG.

(I’m also repeating a few things in this section that I said above, btw)

While this episode doesn’t make me angry or anything, it’s got a serious problem with dithering. The first clip is a solid start to the season, but afterwards, so many of these clips feel like filler. There’s a lack of substance to them. It was hard to write about them because they ended up feeling like two minutes of nothing.

Did we need to see repetitive mentions of Robbe’s troubled relationship with his dad? No, it’s an important plot detail but we could have established that more concisely in fewer clips. Did we need to see the process of how Robbe comes to stay with Zoë, Senne, and Milan? No, not really. Or at least not dragged out over at least three clips.

I don’t feel like I’m in Robbe’s head to the extent that I should be so far. Some of this is because the show just flat-out locks us out of his POV, like not showing the phone call in the Jens-Jana clip. But a lot of it is also because of the narrative dawdling. There’s just not as much to analyze unless I bring in Skam season 3 and project what we know about Isak onto Robbe. And that’s not a good way to adapt a story.

The framing of Robbe/Noor needs to change. Combine the bathroom intro with the aborted sex scene - the boys are sitting in the tub, teasing Robbe about getting laid, so he makes out with Noor and they go into a bedroom where he’s clearly not into this, and then Moyo and Aaron come in asking for weed because Robbe still actually has the weed from the bathtub at this point. Or do what Skam France did (can’t believe I’m referring to Skam France) and have the arrival of the cops interrupt the makeout/sex session and Robbe takes his cue to exit.

But frankly, it’s not great to have Robbe acting or looking too cozy with Noor, like this is a legitimate romantic arc except when it gets to the sex. The point is that this isn’t a romance. Even if you want to show some cuddly, non-sexual scenes with Noor, you have to show more of Robbe’s reluctance and fear throughout.

Show Robbe’s fucking phone conversations with his parents!!!! Good Lord. He’s not ordering a pizza. These are important aspects of his story. Capitalize on that family tension, show us what a bad place Robbe is in at the start of this season.

Now, about the lack of Even in this episode. Not introducing Even is a bold move, but not necessarily a smart one. Even’s introduction in Skam is not just the intro of “the love interest” - he’s the catalyst for almost everything in Isak’s story. Consider that in episode 1, Isak is seen mostly unhappy and bored - he’s distraught after kissing Emma, he’s checked out of his friends’ lunchtime girl talk, he zones out staring at his teacher’s boobs, he doesn’t want to be at kosegruppa. Isak is actually very passive and just going through the motions, doing what people tell him to do. But once Isak meets Even at kosegruppa - well, that’s when Isak wakes up. In the next few clips, we see Isak taking action. And sure, they’re small actions, searching for Even online, watching the Even video over and over, asking Vilde if there will be more kosegruppa meetings. But we can see that Isak now cares about something, he’s paying attention. Of course, Robbe’s story doesn’t have to follow the same arc. However, it does the season a huge benefit to get him intrigued by something at this point, so we the audience are not just sleepwalking along with him for a few episodes.

There’s also just the simple fact that we have only 10 episodes to establish a love story and make us care about the Even character, and it’s a very risky move to waste too much time. If you are really killing it with the rest of Robbe’s arc, this could still work, but ... well, that’s not what’s happening here.

If they didn’t want to full on introduce the Even directly, one thing they could do is subtly and indirectly find ways to include him in the narrative and create some mystery. Let’s say Robbe sees the Even’s artwork somewhere and is like whoa, that’s cool, and we can tell that it resonates with him. Or he admires Even’s graffiti, or it makes him laugh, whatever. Basically Robbe has some kind of emotional reaction to a thing the Even has created or done, which helps to set up that relationship even before we officially meet the Even.

If we want to add a little more, perhaps Robbe sees a mysterious dude in a mask tagging a wall, but they get interrupted by the cops or something and have some kind of brief but intriguing interaction with each other, and Robbe’s like, who was that guy in the mask? Or Noor takes Robbe to the tagging place, the police/security bust them, Robbe and Noor get separated, and Robbe gets helped out by the Even so he can escape. So it’s an important moment, lots of adrenaline, we can frame it like there’s a sudden ~charge~ between them (ooOOOooo the Even helped Robbe stand up and their hands touched like this was a fanfic, etc.), but he doesn’t learn Even’s name, maybe he doesn’t even see his face because Even has a mask on, so Robbe spends part of the next few episodes trying to figure out who that guy is, casually asking Noor if she knows a guy like that, keeping his eyes open. Maybe we have some fakeouts where Robbe thinks he sees the Even again but it’s just a false alarm. He’s on edge, eager to know more about that mystery guy, and so are we. Bam, we have “awakened” Robbe from his deep sleep.

If you’ve seen Netflix’s The Get Down, there’s even a scene like this where Jaden Smith’s character gets caught tagging by the cops, he runs and flees with another young dude, and they have a moment where they recognize each other as graffiti artists they admire. While watching that scene for the first time, without any context or spoilers, without even knowing if there would be LGBT content in that show, I immediately thought, “This guy is his love interest.” Not even because it was overtly romantic. Because the way it was written and shot told us that this meeting was important. Because they had an instant connection. Something similar could have worked for Robbe and his Even. But in any case: it would have been best to establish something between those characters, even if it wasn’t an “official” introduction.

Stop focusing on Aaron/Amber when it’s not in Robbe’s POV. Reverse the scene at the beginning with Aaron videotaping and Amber getting spilled on. She gets pissed, he falls in love, and then we follow him upstairs and we meet the boy squad. That is a very obvious, very clean transition that doesn’t interrupt Robbe’s POV as it technically hasn’t started yet. So IDK why they didn’t do that, lmao.

Some changes with the Milan relationship:

Tweak the apology scene to be more representative of Robbe’s issues. Have Robbe apologize while still stressing that he’s not gay. Have Milan be chill and not question that statement, but maybe Robbe is so defensive that it comes across as unconvincing.

Then have Milan be the one instead of the boys to interrupt the Noor almost-sex scene. Milan wanders in acting drunk, haha Milan, he’s wacky. Robbe doesn’t realize it (though the viewers do if they’re paying attention) but Milan is only pretending and is “subtly” rescuing Robbe because he realizes, based on the earlier scene, that Robbe might be struggling with his sexuality and he wants to give him an escape option. (Although I still think it’s best to combine the not-sex scene into the opening clip, but this could work, too.)

Basic questions we need to be asking, clip to clip: what is the conflict? Where is Robbe’s head right now? Why is this scene necessary? How did this scene come to be - what’s the cause and effect here? How does it advance Robbe’s story? Is it redundant? How do we tell this story in a narratively economical manner?

#wtfock reactions

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animefinatic · 3 years

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Fire Force: 1st thoughts/impression

Okay so I’ve been hearing some murmurs about this anime for a while but because I weird I move slow when it comes to new anime for some reason, mainly because I want something to binge. But since getting Hulu recently I’ve been watching a lot of nostalgic shows (Digimon s1-3 and Yuyu Hakusho along with some old school nickelodeon and cartooonnetwork shows) but I’ve decided to finally get around to watching something new for a change. I’m not done with season 1 (episode 12)yet so I’m just going to give some 1st impressions on a few characters. Just some general thoughts, I’m sure overall feelings will change as i finish what’s currently out so don’t get bent outta shape if I don’t like someone or mention someone. Also be respectful if you’re a manga reader.

World building: The whole people turning into infernals at the drop of a dime and killing other people and the rest of humanity seems to have all been clustered in some small ass piece of japan lowkey put me in the mind of AOT (humanity being behind walls, the monster being humans all along type shit) I went into this thinking the protagonist is some sort of form of internal with that logic.

Shinra: Sharp teeth. I’m not into the whole teeth thing (Rin from Free, Soul from Soul Eater, Kirishima are swell in their own way but i was never a fan of their teeth) I like his little ‘smile in tense situation quirk because bless his heart i know when he’s nervous or tense about something. He’s a good kid all the same and he lowkey gave me Izuku vibes because they want to be a hero but he also gives me Rin (Blue Exorcist) vibes because he gets a bad rep and being called Devil even though he’s really sweet and has a good character. Seeing him in action I can’t help but think how would he do in the my hero universe (he’d kick so much ass) Has a typical shonen protag tragic backstory about his mother and brother and so has a reason to be in the fire force, I like the drive to be a hero from that kid dream he had, I look forward to him finding the answers he seeks while also not looking forward to seeing him fight his kid brother (I fucking swear if he has to kill his own brother I will fucking scream)

Akitaru: Oh my god fucking hot, fucking cute that's my husbando right there. When he called Shinra’s smiling quirk cute I fucking melted. The Dad (and daddy) of this squad I see him looking out for the other and providing a solid foundation of justice. a swell guy that has the whole groups trust and respect and I just hope nothing happens to this man. When Joker gave Shinra a reason to doubt the fire force i was a little nervous but so far so good team 8 seems to have been formed for a specific reason bc the other teams are lowkey shady.

Hinawa: stereotypical glasses character, annoyingly strict, and give the mc a hard time. In comparison to captain he annoyed me, by putting down my boy Shinra without giving him a real chance, (it wasn’t Nighteye lvl of annoying but still) but overtime I’ve warned up to him, I tend to like the glasses characters too (Kyoya...I blame Kyoya) so by this point I see he’s a caring individual in his own way, what sold me is when he pulls Shinra aside to check on him and ask if he was ok...also mans can cook so bonus.

Maki: Mikasa vibes, just a woman with some muscle but she seems very insecure about it. I like she’s such a romantic maiden at heart though. I like her Sputter flames, so cute it made me think of calsifer from Howl’s moving castle.

Iris: I took one look at her and went: a sister. oh fuck religion is going to be a big influence in this show. Ignoring my own personal bias feelings of religion it seems she serves the purpose of praying for the souls of those who turned nothing too special about her, she’s sweet even though she has her tragic backstory with everyone but her and Hibana watched the whole damn church burn.

Arthur: Annoying. I thought he was gonna be some sort of edgy rival for Shinra since they seem to fight on sight. However he’s kinda this cute idiot. But his knight at the round table schtick is kinda aggy he reminds me of that one classmate in my class that took Shakespeare too seriously. Maybe he’ll warm up on me later he has got to be more than the idiot blond (maybe at some point they’ll drop a back story on him)

Tamaki: Adorable, her powers make her look like a twin tailed cat (I not sure but I think there is like fire yokai so it works for the fire theme of this show) and I love cats so she's adorable. However this trend of her being clumsy af all of a sudden and becoming undressed and/or being groped or touched by Shinra accidentally only for her to hit the hell out of him is a trope i kinda want to die already like it’s not even funny. I’m an elder weeb so i’m not new to this but idk if it just my old age but I’m kinda over it. So even though I found her so cute earlier she’s almost annoying me even though its not her fault its the creator.

Hibana: Bad bitch, she had dudes as her chair and had dudes lined at her feet like a red (in this case orange) carpet. Love seeing a black woman thrive (she’s brown skinned or whatever so I’m claiming her as black until further notice).Stunning, only I hate the oddly shaped eyes (it works given her power is flowers and her eyes are in a shape of a flower) but it was jarring to see it. It reminded me of Nia teppelin (Gugrren laggan) did she make me wanna stomp her for messing with my boy Shinra? yes. But I kept wondering why was I so awed by her I looked up her VA and it made sense, fucking Riza Hawkeye and Erza Scarlett (I am watching it dubbed, blame Hulu for not letting me have an option for sub but its whatever I’m committing to the dub for now) and well I respected her more. Also love how she wasn’t actually into that religion stuff even though she was taken in by the sisters. Now her moment with Iris after she got her shit rocked, sweet, adorable, so cute. Also her sudden affections for Shinra going forward is cute not sure if I ship anyone at this point but adorable is adorable I can not deny that.

Rekka: My stars that annoying. I also cringed because it reminded me of (yagamiyato’siida if you know then you know) And again with the weird ass eyes its not missed on mean that Hoshi is means star and its a part of his surname. But he went from 0-100 real quick once I realized he’s who Shinra is looking for and once again me being wary over religion is validated through the white coats or Evangelist running around turning people into infernals on purpose (once again we back on some AOT shit) this man is bat shit crazy but he somewhat succeeded I wonder what it means for that kid who happened to be compatible with that bug thing (and of course Shinra is special bc the bug reacted to his fire) anyway what I learned from this character than religion got this universe all the way fucked up and the direct result of this is that religion has a firm hold in government and I know this is not finna be good.

#fire force #just some thoughts #1st reaction to fire force

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peepingtoad · 4 years

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OKAY SO.

It’s not that often that I talk about what I really think about Jiraiya, and I guess I mean more how I feel about him, since I always try to write my ‘deeper’ headcanons/metas from a more... idk, trying not to get too emotional about it point of view. Basically it’s because I know how controversial he is, and I pretty much ritually avoid a lot of takes because I don’t want to get irritated about something that really doesn’t matter much in the grand scheme, because we’re all entitled to our opinions and I largely get my say through the act of writing and developing him how I see fit.

Which is enough for me, mostly, but for the purpose of reinforcing/building upon how I see my muse’s plight, working through some of my Sannin-feels and also to dip my toes into why I find blindly judgemental/single-faceted takes of him, his priorities and the Sannin’s bond so exasperating, I kinda feel like rambling my thoughts (feelings) anyway!

Politely sticks this stream-of-consciousness mess under a cut.

So sometimes I do think about the fact that Jiraiya kinda, lmao, forgot about Everything Else in the world because of Orochimaru and his (frankly) obsession with him/them. And the fact that a ridiculously significant portion of bad shit that happened is down to his actions/inaction. And the fact that he really did go and leave the likes of Naruto (and maybe to a degree Kakashi, although there’s zero actual evidence he didn’t get involved given the strong indications of a great rapport in the canon), just because he was so hellbent on pursuing Orochimaru, who was not even shown to be affectionate towards him at the best of times. When I think about it in terms of Jiraiya being gone and the main reason we’re given for it, things suck for a number of people, and quite largely because of potentially unrequited/horribly communicated/obsessive JiraOro pursuits, in essence :’)

(And for all it’s still quite the rarepair, Jiraiya does express on accounts that he was destroyed when Oro left. I mean... this is the guy who rarely acknowledges his sadness so... It’s not my bias at all I sware)

Of course JiraTsu is very real in my eyes too, albeit a very different kinda tragic, as is OroTsu. And the messy poly ship? Ohohoho, even better, but... yeah. Tsunade does at least go her own way for a long time, as messed up as that is in itself, for reasons including the fact she seems to pointedly not heal or move on from her grief. And given the absolute debacle that was her and Jiraiya reuniting... and both her and Oro even discussing a possibility of sacrificing him... and just, them in general for that whole arc :’))) yeah. They are without a doubt messy and troubled, but even despite how fraught things become I genuinely think all the furtive expressions and the undercurrents of longing and the evasion of their past exhibits a history much deeper and full of lost love compared to many other team dynamics we get (otherwise the Three Way Divorce wouldn’t have been quite so horrible on them, would it? That and they’d probably have split up after Team Hiruzen was no more, if they really hated each other/just tolerated each other out of familiarity like I sometimes see speculated).

But yeah, back to our main man. Jiraiya’s intense (and frankly very Scorpio of him) love for our first series Big Bad kinda did ruin him and what he was setting out to do in some ways, to the degree that the actual story of Naruto wouldn’t be very much without him in terms of drama. I mean, he always loved a good story, right? So art imitates life, and innit just pathetic poetic.

And in so many ways it is incredibly tragic and pitiable that he’s Just Like That. Idealistic and warping everything terrible, no matter how bad, into adventure in his mind! As growth! As pain that makes you TOUGH and makes you a stronger man! As something to be pushed aside while you just keep on truckin’! Whatever anyone you love throws at you, it’s Totally Fine!

After so long narrating through his personal lens, I’ve come to realise he truly is so convinced that everything bad that happens, is sort of just... something he has to deal with and feel big and guilty and feelsy for while spinning it in ways that enable him to keep going. He just loads it on himself and sorta holds it. The fact he’s so sad and filled with sickly pining grief that he has to try and exorcise it with impulsive bouts of decadence? Fine. And it’s not abnormal at all, how he approaches things with such broad scope and just kinda... thoughtlessly wrecking-balls his way through everything he thinks is a great idea at the time. He experiences the fallout of these things and simultaneously feels the entire ravages of it acutely while compartmentalising it ever so neatly away. The crazy thing, too, is that he’s exceptionally convincing at making everything he does and how he handles things seem so grand and noble and romantic and tragic... but in a humorously self-deprecating and still ultimately very hopeful way, to the degree that I as a mun get caught up in his relentless optimism and forget he actually is a sad and heartbroken guy wrapped up in all this grandiosity.

Sometimes I do step back and look and I just think yeah, fuck, he really is a total disaster! He’s a walking disaster and he’s been so damaging to himself and others in so many ways, all because of acting on emotions and impulses without really thinking about the impact! He really did kinda give up on those who needed him and for what? A love that will never love him or prioritise him back?

A wonderfully tragic theme that I do love with him, don’t get me wrong.

But then at the same time, there’s always more nuance to be had than just ‘he is a disaster and made bad choices, as tragic and romantic as it is, he was actually just selfish and kinda sucked in the end, pathetically whipped by his friends and unable to let go of what they had’. There’s more nuance to be had than reducing him to a purely romantically-inclined character, who just snubs everyone else for a doomed love... because in the end, I think a huge part of JiraOro’s demise in particular was that Oro felt immensely snubbed by Jiraiya when he stayed in Ame, when his loyalty to Konoha (as a place and people, not necessarily a system) and of course loyalty to his own ideals was prioritised over Oro.

To an extent, I feel like Tsunade could have been a similar case, were she not preoccupied with already having lost so much, and besides I really do think she and Jiraiya were quite firmly in best friend zone at that point. With Tsunade not being able to get comfortable around Jiraiya or to pursue any underlying affection for him because of the dumbass way he always behaved (understandably of her tbh), probably until she got with Dan, by which point I reckon Jiraiya started to really come through by showing how he valued her for her, where we see by them having each other’s backs so closely in the second war. Not to mention him generally respecting that his feelings for her have no place by the time he gets her back to Konoha.

In terms of that first split in Ame, Jiraiya, I feel, simply didn’t think him leaving was going to be a big deal, because the three were always fiercely headstrong people who had their own shit going on (simultaneously independent while also being, perhaps not to their knowledge, So Very Codependent). Not only that, but his overly affectionate ways and incessant jolliness were probably considered such a joke that he was basically like ‘they’ll be fine without me’. I certainly don’t think he felt needed by them, which I don’t think is their fault or a point of angst and ‘waaah poor blameless Jiraiya’, because quite honestly, the strain on their relationship was something I fully believe even he didn’t realise he needed out of at the time. His one-track mind was just on ‘save kids, teach kids, this is right, must seize opportunity to be the change I was told I’d be, not continue with this godforsaken war’

Selfish? Maybe. Well-intentioned? Certainly. Intended to hurt anyone or imply he stopped caring? No.

In essence, when it comes to why in the end Jiraiya seemed to be so horrendously bad at being around at the worst of times, at being responsible, whatever else (and I’m not even going to go into scenes intended to be comedic because, they are comedic)... I’ve got to look at it from more than just one view. It’s easy to say ‘he’s ridiculous and terrible because he pretty much flaked on what was important based on his whims/a doomed love/his dick’ (which I have seen said lmao) but there are so many other things at play here.

So I’m thinking, while he was shirking duties (godfatherly mainly)... did he actually consider that his most important duty? Was it anyone’s place to tell him it was? Minato didn’t, as I recall, and when he sacrificed himself he specifically left it to the Third because he (presumably) respected what his teacher was about and knew he wasn’t for staying put. Did Jiraiya not consider his primary duty to be to the prophecy, and in a more general sense fixing the big wrongs and trying to foil big dangers to his home? Were these things not pretty much what he existed for (as much as his faith wavered and went off the rails at times)? Was that not the main source of any real purpose he ever had, being a kid who showed practically no ambition before? Did he not pretty much redesign himself as being ‘from Mt. Myōboku’ rather than Konoha after two devastating wars, and thus is it not understandable for him not to focus solely on Konoha—not outright destroying it, still ultimately loyal to his home and not about to let anyone destroy it, but seeing that the world is in fact so much bigger than just his little town? Is that really something that’s so bad and wrong of him, in a story where the main cast’s country has a pretty fucking nasty system and is established to do so very early on? Is he not pretty revolutionary in his own brand of not blindly serving, but not going on a destroy-it-all frenzy either?

Also, was he not the only one who actually bothered to investigate Akatsuki and the forces that would see Naruto dead, in time? For all he did help bring Akatsuki into existence in ways, it was inevitable from before he even met the orphans that they were going to be groomed/moulded into what they became, regardless of whether Jiraiya came onto the scene. Jiraiya leaving them was just a different kind of suffering to what they were inevitably going to suffer anyway, and hell, with his influence at least there was a time where they might’ve stood a chance of going totally against Madara/Obito’s path, especially while Yahiko was still around. Jiraiya didn’t know that the whole thing with the Ame orphans was, by a design out of his control, doomed to end horribly. So while he felt personally responsible not knowing this, and it’s taken as a given that he was... actually, was he, when there was a master manipulator at play? Was it wrong to want to give some kids a chance?

With regards to all those things I see people say he should have stayed and fixed, that he should have been there, he should have done x y z... Is it not the responsibility of everyone not satisfied with their lot to step up to the plate and make where they live better? Jiraiya wasn’t the only adult. Tsunade, and I absolutely love her, does seem overwhelmingly to be absolved of leaving Konoha because... ??? Kicker is that she too is related to Naruto, of course.

So... was she not also needed for the very material ways she could’ve helped at numerous points? Was she not also placing her grief and lost love before everything else? Are some reasons inherently more ok than others to ditch? As Kakashi’s generation grew up, was it not also then up to them to decide whether they’d change the status quo? Were Minato’s own generation, presumably his own peer group, not complicit in Naruto’s ostracisation? We got a slight taste of rebellion with Asuma, Hiruzen’s own son, but the fact is many Konoha-nin were overwhelmingly complacent with how things were. And yet never get demonised at all for it. Because it’s Jiraiya’s fault for... not staying and giving it all up to be a guardian who could well be depressed and unfit to raise a child... or just being a flaky as hell one that’s never there anyway because he has shit to do? (and in doing the former would let too many things go unchecked by a completely tuned-out Hokage, not gathering all that spicy useful intel, y’know... essentially he wouldn’t have ended up largely doing his job along with the personal shit in between).

Basically when I see claims saying that Jiraiya as an individual should have done pretty much everything better, and somehow been there for everyone that needed him at any given time, and that (mostly Naruto’s) suffering was a failing on Just His part because of his selfish whims... I feel like the point of his tragedy is absolutely missed. That tragedy being that barrelling through things alone is definitely a failing and harmful in numerous ways, as we see with Itachi shouldering everything alone too, and we see them both miss out on Naruto and Sasuke as a result... but at the same time, is just settling down and leaving everything else to chance not also a huge failing, when there are so many other circumstances and enemies acting against you, when you do have the power to change tides, and when so many other people refuse to or can’t seize their own agency? Jiraiya does put his faith in a lot of people too, and a lot of people fail. Don’t fail him, but in a general sense many, like Minato, fail to make the change they wanted to. That’s life in this world, it’s tragic, and after losing a lot of loved ones yeah, he retreats and goes at it alone.

But how can he win? How does he do what’s right, other than by chasing what he thinks he can do to actually help the world, which happens to be bigger and not centred on individuals, even those he cares about?

(and remember, nobody knows Naruto is special-reincarnation-prophecy-boi, which is why I tend not to blame-game any characters for him being treated like so many orphans were because... while it’s not morally right or nice at all, it’s tone deaf to how the world is, to the fact all characters having different degrees of knowledge and priorities, and it’s insensitive of the fact most the characters had their own struggles and were just doing their best with a bad lot gdi).

Hell though, Jiraiya even does put Oro, his big obsessive wild goose chase that whisks him away into selfish pining hopelessly devoted land, on the back burner at points. Maybe not in a lasting way, particularly by the last databook where he’s inspired anew by Naruto, but he does prioritise other shit on numerous occasions. And there’s a lot of shit to try and prioritise.

What I’m trying to say is, Jiraiya can’t solely be held responsible for people. Sure, he’s a character whose decisions were pivotal to events, but what of every other character in the story? Why are they not held to the same crazy high standard of doing and protecting and preventing and somehow doing everything ‘right’ that would have also meant him fitting neatly into the Konoha mould? Would other characters really have been that much better in the position of The Big Guide/Martyr/Tragic Hero/Force For Change character? And also is having a tragic Chaotic Good bastard of a hero not a sign of a damn good and interesting character, that at the very least tried where so many others didn’t? Would Naruto not have been a boring as hell story, whose main protag didn’t really have much conflict to make him compelling, without Jiraiya (among others) being a mess with the best intentions? Without so many other characters having failed him, for him to overcome it and still be able to love and inspire change (albeit through sometimes-clumsy talk-no-jutsu)? Was I missing the point of the story?

............. Hmm!

No longer sure where else I’m going with this now, so.... here, I guess, ends my ode to why character hate (especially that reduces them to One Thing) is dumb, why demonising truly well-meaning characters doesn’t feel particularly woke to me in a cast full of flawed characters and horrible circumstance, and why I’ll defend this poor bastard with far too damn much hinging on him to the end I guess :’)

TL;DR HE’S A DUMBASS AND HE TRIED, OKAY?!

#i feel like this is like... about as bold as i'll get with this subject #{ooc}#{memoirs(headcanons)}#not sure about it being a headcanon as such but it does include some of mine so.... for now it can be #{long post}#{meta&analysis}

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danyok · 4 years

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im sorry i couldn't not jump on the opportunity can we pretty please get forth beam with like hurt/comfort. idk forth doing normal engineering things aka gets into a fight for honor and doc beam to the rescue

Ahh thank you for your prompt! I love ForthBeam so much. T_T I feel very rusty with writing rn and I don’t know how good this is going to be, but here you go. Not a whole lot of actual like... traditional hurt/comfort but more Forth finding comfort in being around Beam and things being normal between them.

Word Count: 1658

Forth groaned as he tried to sit up fully, using the wall behind him to prop himself up. He wasn’t sure how he got to that point. He’d only stepped in to try to help and he’d thought that he had the upper hand. Until suddenly he didn’t - but at least the kid he’d stepped in for had run off. Forth would count that as a win, even if he was pretty sure that he looked a mess and that he wasn’t going to be moving normally for a while. Forth let out a small, almost bitter laugh - Beam was going to murder him.

Speaking of Beam, it seemed just thinking about him did wonders because his phone started to play Beam’s ringtone. Forth thought about letting it go to voicemail while getting himself to the hospital to get looked over, but then he was sure that would only make it worse when Beam found out he’d gotten hurt and hadn’t said anything. “I was just thinking about you,” Forth greeted as he answered the call, doing his best to not let the pain he felt obvious in his voice.

“Where are you at? You were supposed to be here ages ago,” replied Beam. He sounded a little distracted - he was probably studying while waiting for Forth to show up so they could grab dinner like they had planned.

The sound of a page being turned on Beam’s side of the call reinforced Forth’s assumption. “Ah. Just hanging around,” Forth said, trying not to wince. He exhaled slowly, shifting the phone so that he didn't breathe directly into the speaker. He shifted wrong in his attempt to get up and was unable to mask the involuntary sound that escaped him, making it very clear that he wasn't as okay as he seemed.

“What did you do this time?” Beam sighed heavily and Forth could easily picture him pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Look. There was this kid and I-”

“Where are you?”

Forth hesitated. He was sure that Beam was intending to come find him, if only to scold him for being impulsive and reckless again. “On campus. I’ll be there soon.”

“Where on campus?”

Forth could hear the sounds of Beam closing his textbook and things being shuffled around - probably him searching for his wallet and keys. “I’m fine. I’ll be there soon. You stay there and keep your pretty nose in that book.”

“Uh-huh. If you’re so fine then why are you still there and not already on your way here?”

Forth faltered at that question. He had no good answer because Beam was right. If Forth really was as fine as he was saying, he would’ve already stood up and started to make his way to Beam’s dorm. Yet he still sat there, vaguely sure that the only reason he was able to sit up like he was was because the wall was behind him if the way his side was hurting was any indication. He guessed the guy had kicked him after he’d fallen. Forth couldn’t really remember. It had all been a big blur, as fights tended to be. At least in his experience. He didn’t think he hit his head besides the fist that hit his face a couple of times. But it was fine. Forth got in several hits of his own - his knuckles were bruising to prove it. “I’m fine. I’ll be there soon. But, uh… could you make sure you have some ice?”

“Forth.” Beam said his name more as an exasperated sigh than a real word. It made Forth wince which hurt more than he would have liked. His face was probably turning pretty colors.

With a groan, Forth used the wall behind him to brace himself and stand up. Doing so left him a little out of breath but he was able to stand on his own and the world didn’t spin around him like it did the last time he’d been in a similar situation. “I’m up. I’m moving. It’s good. I’m fine.”

“What do you mean you’re up?” Beam snapped.

Forth gave a short, airy chuckle in response. “I just mean that I’m okay - just a bit banged up. I’ve had worse.”

“That doesn’t make it okay. You said-”

“Was I supposed to let that guy keep wailing on that kid?” Forth could hear the slight click of Beam’s teeth from how quickly and hard he closed his mouth at the question. They both knew that Forth wouldn’t do that. “That’s what I thought. Now. I’ll be there soon. If you promise to be nice and tend my wounds for me.” Beam didn’t answer, just sighed heavily through his nose but Forth took that to be a confirmation and he promised to see Beam soon before he ended the phone call.

If he was limping a little when he walked, well he was just glad there was no one around to prove it.

It didn’t take him too long to make his way to Beam’s dorm. Honestly, trying to navigate himself up the stairs took longer because his side hurt to a point that it was difficult to breathe after several steps up. None of his ribs felt out of place, though, so he was sure that it was just strain and bruising. He was also aware that he was probably just being a baby and that none of it was anywhere near as bad as he felt it was right then - his pride was probably more injured than he actually was, but damn that guy could throw a punch.

Forth knocked on the door to Beam’s apartment once he reached it and it opened almost immediately after. Beam must have been waiting by the door for him to show up. Beam reached out and grabbed his chin, directing Forth to turn his head this way and that to inspect the bruises forming on his face. “I know I’m pretty but are you going to keep me out here all night?” asked Forth. He smiled when Beam huffed out a breath but let go of his face and moved aside. “Promise it’s not that bad. Just some bruising to my face, hand, and side. You’ve seen me worse.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Beam replied. He gestured for Forth to go sit down on the couch before disappearing into his bathroom so that he could grab his first aid kit. He returned to the other room and sat down on the couch. Neither one of them said anything as Beam used a cotton swab to put some antibacterial ointment on a small cut Forth had on his face. Forth wasn’t sure if it was from being hit or from when he fell. There were no other cuts or anything, which they both took to be a good thing. Just some swelling and bruising.

Beam activated the instant ice pack in the kit and wrapped it loosely in a thin towel before placing it on top of Forth’s knuckles on the hand he had used to punch the guy he fought with. “Hold it there,” Beam instructed.

“Thank you, Doctor Beam,” said Forth with a smile.

Beam struggled not to smile in return, fighting against the upward twitch in the corners of his mouth as he cleared his throat. “Anything else?”

“I love you?” Forth’s smile took on a more cheeky nature when Beam just sighed and rolled his eyes before gathering up the kit to return it to the bathroom. Forth didn’t mention his side hurting because he was sure it was nothing. It was all nothing in the grand scheme of things.

After he put up the kit, Beam returned to the couch. Forth immediately shifted closer to him and leaned against his side. Beam seemed to struggle with himself for a few seconds before he lifted his arm and wrapped it around Forth’s shoulders, letting Forth shift even closer to his side. “You know, for someone who hurt me far worse than this guy did yo-” Forth started to tease Beam, chuckling when his boyfriend interrupted him.

“That was an accident!” he insisted. It truly had been an accident, they both knew it. Beam would never purposely hurt Forth.

“Well. Just keep it in mind that you did more than just a black eye next time you get mad at me for defending someone.”

“I’m not mad that you defended someone.” That wasn’t why he was always obviously annoyed that Forth had gotten into another fight. There was always a good reason for the fight, he knew that. Forth didn’t go around picking fights just to pick fights. Still, he didn’t like seeing Forth hurt.

“Mn. But you are mad.”

Beam sighed inaudibly and hugged Forth a little closer, to the point that Forth was practically on his lap at that point and he rested his head on Beam’s shoulder as he got comfortable where they were. Beam wasn’t mad. He knew it seemed like he was, but he wasn’t. He was just… worried. And he didn’t like seeing Forth hurt. Beam found it easier to show anger than concern. Even if there was always that tinge of concern on the edge of everything he did and said. Forth knew him well enough to know that by that point in time, but it didn’t stop Forth from poking at the obviously angry actions and tone of voice. “Let’s watch something instead of sitting here with you being all frowny and glaring at the wall,” Forth suggested.

“I am not-” Beam sighed when Forth reached up to place a hand to his lips to shush him, letting the ice pack fall to the floor.

“Shh. I’m hurt. Let me choose what we watch.”

“Ai’Forth!”

Forth smiled with a laugh as Beam removed his arm from around his shoulders, but Beam didn’t move away and let Forth set his head on his shoulder again.

#forthbeam #2moons #2moons 2 #fic prompt #ask #anon #prompt fill

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