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kashyyyyk · 4 years

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i was tagged my the lovely @theleavesoflorien to answer these questions, so here goes :))

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen?

blue actually! but idk why

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?

the country ideally, bc cities are just too noisy, too grey, too many people. but on the other hand, ppl in the country are boring af... so. guess i could live anywhere where i had some peace and quiet and nature on the one hand, and some interesting ppl on the other - one can dream ig, lol

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

any skill would be nice X’D but i guess writing, always. and not being a procrastinator. just being able to focus and actually finish/achieve smth. would be great (if that’s even a “skill”)

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

coffee sometimes (aka when it’s bad coffee lol); tea never (tho i’d put in honey sometimes)

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

gosh i have no idea. i remember liking most books by Marc De Bel and Patrick Lagrou (both Flemish writers) and then as a teenager ig it had to be Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

i like both, but maybe baths, which have that additional element of “i’ve got time to relax rn” which is always great

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?

werewolf :’) or smth that lives in the ocean (not a mermaid tho, i’m not 12) like a giant turtle or smth, or some big cat (i don’t know my mythology wow), or a dragon :33333

8. Paper or electronic books?

paper! ♥ which goes against my eco principles but i just loooove books and can’t get myself to read on a screen

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

my mom jeans :’)

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it?

i don’t like it at all D: if money wasn’t a factor, i probably would’ve changed it already, sorry @ my parents but yes

11. Who is a mentor to you?

George Harrison :’)

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for?

writing fantasy/scifi books or shows/movies pls and thanks ♥

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

i sleep like a log, which ig is why i wake up feeling like one XD

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person?

lol. i used to... guess deep down i still am, even tho i’ve completely embraced ace/aro life for now. would never go for any of that sappy stuff tho, but some epic kind of soulmates love, i’m one of the idiots who believes in that shit :’)

15. Which element best represents you?

water ♥ and i guess air to a certain extent

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

lmao @theleavesoflorien, Henry Cavill, HARD SAME :’))) or Dhani Harrison for that matter :3 ~the 2 Main Platonic Baes~ but in all realness, i’d just wish i had any rl friends that i vibed with on a soul level /rip

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

my brother i guess, always ♥

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

re-enacting The Lion King with my brother XD and generally just making up stories with him - @theleavesoflorien, we did the radio shows/quizzes too! brilliant XD

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

fermented shark, in Iceland. i highkey would not recommend

20. What are you most thankful for?

still being alive i suppose :’) tho sometimes these days i wish i wasn’t. also, great music, books, tv shows, movies ♥ and whatever unspoiled nature we still have

21. Do you like spicy food?

sure! tho not like really spicy ig

22. Have you ever met someone famous?

i met Michael Palin in 2018 at a book signing ♥_♥ after a talk he did. and i said i’d liked the talk and he said thanks :’))))) also met Terry Gilliam last year and we talked for 2 secs ♥ and ig there were others but i can’t remember right now. oh yeah, talked to Finn Jones at a con one time :’)

23. Do you keep a diary or journal?

lol yeah like about 5 of them XD all for different aspects of my life i suppose. i have the worst memory in the world, so i need this to literally remember things

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

pen

25. What is your star sign?

cancer sun / leo moon / scorpio rising

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

oh my fuck who would like soggy cereal o_____O

27. What would you want your legacy to be?

idk, just generally being remembered at all would be nice. would be great to have contributed something noticeable, but having made people happy in some way at all would do ig

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read?

LMAO yes :’) i’m reading a few dozen atm, but the last one i finished was Sign of Chaos by Roger Zelazny, part of the Amber series i’ve read about 6 times now instead of reading new things

29. How do you show someone you love them?

no idea :’)) just be there for them ig. giving them some of my time must mean i love them bc i loooovvvveee my time :’)

30. Do you like ice in your drinks?

not really actually. if it needs to be cold i’d rather just have it chilled than have ice in it

31. What are you afraid of?

dying without really having lived :’) /harsh truths hour

32. What is your favourite scent?

peaches, basil, privet, monoï, ....

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?

gosh, depends on the situation. i guess i’d say sir or madam (without the surname tho) and i mean older as in at least 20y older

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

not working for anyone else another day in my life. except if i found something i really want to get behind and put some effort in. hopefully write for pleasure tho, which would hopefully come easier since i wouldn’t be stressed at all times. i’d like to live near the ocean and the jungle, surrounded by a only few but likeminded people ♥

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

love ♥ the ocean, tho i also scares me lol. would say a natural pool or a lake without too many weeds in it :’)

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

take it ofc

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

oh yes! i always make a wish :) and the same one each time too

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

that they’re okay, that of course growth is important, but that they’re enough as they are, and only have to change if they want it, not for anyone else. i’d try to teach them empathy and respect for all beings and the earth we live on

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

got three already, but i’m contemplating George Harrison’s squiggly sun drawing from his Here Comes the Sun manuscript, maybe on my ankle? still considering Tolkien’s dragon drawing too. an ॐ somewhere definitely, maybe combined with some lotus thing, idk yet..

40. What can you hear right now?

Pink Floyd - The Great Gig in the Sky (Live, from Pulse)

41. Where do you feel the safest?

in my flat. or in nature when there’s no one around. in fact i feel safe most places where there’s not too many people around

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

my procrastination

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?

ooof, difficult choice. maybe just super far back to hunter-gatherer times tbh XD like okay, not that intellectually or spiritually developed, but still in touch with the actual earth we live on as simply another species, before assuming we were anything “more” or w/e, before any money or power or religion came into play ♥

44. What is your most used emoji?

i’m on the computer now so, hmmmm but: ok hand, and the crying emoji, and the two hearts, and ofc the “this is fine” content smiling one XD sorry idk how to describe it

45. Describe yourself using one word.

idiot

46. What do you regret the most?

not having taken my life into my own hands in my 20s... but i honestly try not to regret much anymore. i guess my 20s couldn’t have gone much different all things considered, and i did learn from them

47. Last movie you saw?

Mortal Kombat X’D

48. Last tv show you watched?

Red Dwarf ♥♥♥

49. Invent a word and its meaning

this is too difficult :’)))))

as usual i’m lazy and tag anyone who feels like doing this! ~♥

#//tagged #//answered #//personal #theleavesoflorien

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sosa-sketch · 5 years

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Fright or Flight: Chapter 2

Parings: Prinxiety // Logicality // Platonic LAMP

Story Summary: Virgil and Patton investigate the New Prince Castle, when a brutal accident kills Patton. Patton wakes as a ghost and meets friendly ghoul Roman, who has been haunting the castle for 20 years. Virgil is determined to bring Patton back to life and brings Logan, the ghost expert, to help him out. Time is quickly running out, and the four must work together to undo death. If only it was as simple as Logan made it sound.

Unknown to them, a secret entity in the castle does not plan on letting them succeed.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

When Patton first met Virgil, his last intention was to become friends with him. Virgil had built up a notorious reputation over the first few months of school, and his grades did nothing to disprove his status. Patton wasn’t the type to judge a person’s character based on rumors nor looks. No one was a higher believer in the benefit of doubt than Patton! However, Virgil’s first impression did not help his case.

Virgil transferred into Patton’s English class the second semester due to a schedule change. When the teacher stated a new team project was to be completed, Patton did not shy away from offering to be Virgil’s partner. He understood how difficult it could be being the new kid in a class full of friends and cliques.

The project was hefty, an collection of novel analyzing, essays, vocabulary, and journal entries. Patton was not looking forward to the Shakespearean project-Shakespeare’s language was alien to him. It occurred to Patton that pairing up with the soon-to-be-dropout may not have been his best idea. Nonetheless, Patton refused to be jaded.

The first day of the project, Virgil refused to touch the work.

“There’s no way I’m touching this project.” Virgil sneered. “Especially about Shakespeare.”

“Huh?” Patton had not fully processed Virgil’s words. “Is it because you don’t understand it?”

“Sure.”

“Neither can I! I guess Shakespeare really has our brains shaken up! Maybe we can ask the teacher to go over it for us?”

The teen huffed and shook his head. Virgil laid his head on the wooden desk and his eyes slipped closed. He napped for the rest of the period.

His behavior continued for weeks. Patton had tried everything in his power to get Virgil to help him out. Patton’s seemingly endless supply of compliments and encouraging gestures served no help.

Patton’s mind had conjured countless excuses for Virgil since Virgil himself refused to give one. At the beginning the excuses had seemed feasible. Lack of sleep? Family issues? However, by week three, Patton was already scraping the bottom of the barrel, trying to justify Virgil’s dismissive attitude with clones and possible mind control. Virgil was no closer to lifting up a pencil, there were ten days left of the project, and Patton still understood little to nothing about Shakespeare. Patton was flying solo and time was ticking.

The final week before the project was due, Patton caught the flu.

Patton would chalk up the flu to the top three sucky sicknesses of his lifetime. His fever was raging, his skin drowning in sweat while the insides of him iced over. Patton couldn’t tell when being awake ended and when sleep began. The only alarm in Patton’s body was the churning in his gut that rushed him to the toilet.

Understandably, the project was the last thing on his mind.

Patton would not remember his Shakespeare mission until the Sunday before it was due, when he was shaking off the final remnants of the flu. The realization hit him like a train, but by the time he went flying off his bed and hurriedly logging on to his computer to check the time, Patton knew it was hopeless. There was no way he could get the project done in a few hours and counting. Not when all his energy was going into fighting of sneezes and headaches.

Patton was dejectedly scrolling through his email filled with newsletters from adoption sites and animal protection agencies when a subject line caught his eye: “English Project.” Linked to the email were word documents and an audio file. Perplexedly, Patton opened the email.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: English Project

Patton,

so apparently you’ve been sick. class is way more quiet without you their, which is wierd.

i think i did everything you hadn’t done. it’s gonna be really mispelled and confusing and shit. sorry. i’m not the best with righting. feel free to fix anything.

get well soon.

-V

p.s. sorry for acting like a jerk. i owe you a explanation monday.

Patton hugged his computer screen and laugh with relief. He had no idea why Virgil was so nervous. His ideas were brilliant. A week later, Patton would see an A in his gradebook for the Shakespeare project.

There was a reason why Patton never lost faith in people.

True to his word, the next week Virgil explained his mistreatment to Patton. Virgil struggled with dyslexia. While he was getting tutoring in overcoming his learning disability, Virgil’s writing made him incredibly insecure. His old teacher always let him work individually, but the new teacher wasn’t having it. Before class, the teacher pulled him aside and told Virgil he was no different from any other student and would have to work with a partner. Virgil, determined to spite the teacher and anxious to seem like an “idiot” in front of Patton, would pretend to sleep the whole period.

“All your writing took was a quick grammar fix. The ideas were so good! I’m not just saying that to say that, they actually were! I could never think of something like that.” Patton reassured enthusiastically.

Virgil flushed a bright red. “I didn’t do much. Shakespeare is a lot easier to understand with audio.”

Patton listened to the audiobook of Macbeth that night. Virgil clearly wasn’t giving himself enough credit.

Virgil and Patton quickly grew close once the project was done. Virgil was still quiet, snappy, moody, and detrimentally insecure, but he began to open up more as the months went on. By senior year, Patton and Virgil was joined at the hip. Two peas in a pod.

Virgil had grown a lot since freshman year.

Being joined at the hip with Virgil meant that Patton got to understand Virgil by the simplest change in body language or expression. It also meant that Patton became aquatinted with anyone close to Virgil.

Patton already had a bad feeling while Virgil’s tone had shifted on the phone the night they were chatting about yearbook quotes. Remy sending Patton a text only confirmed the ball of dread in his stomach.

Rem: pat can we talk ?

Patton: You don’t even have to ask! Everything ok?

Rem: it’s about v

Rem: have you guys talked recently ? out of school

Patton: We talked last weekend. Over the phone. Why? Is Virgil fine??

Rem: idk. he came over to my house a couple nights ago at like 5 am. talked about some ghost shit.

Patton: He woke you up to talk about ghosts??(language!)

Rem: looking for affirmation that he wasn’t some obsessed ghost freak. i told him nah

Rem: but tbh he kinda is obsessed

Patton: He is passionate about his ghosts! But that’s not a bad thing.

Rem: v strongly disagrees. the whole thing about the yearbook and ghost quotes really messed with his head

Patton: I didn’t mean anything bad by it! It was just an idea! I promise! I’ll apologize to him!!!

Rem: wait no thats not what im saying. no one blames u

Rem: is he doing any ghost stuff anytime soon

Patton: Yep. He’s going to visit a castle!

Patton: Is that bad?

Rem: don’t you remember last time v became paranoid abt something? he pulled some real stupid stuff just to prove ppl wrong

Patton: Yeah. I know.

Patton: Gosh now I’m worried :(

Rem: i just dont want him doing anything he’ll regret on the trip. can u just…idk watch out for him pls ? ik v can take care of himself. but sometimes he gets into this headspace that’s self-destructive

Rem: tbh i dont like his ghost stuff as it is. i dont need him doing something dumb either

Patton: I understand Rem. That’s really sweet of you <3 <3

Patton: I’ll look out for him! I promise!!!! :-) :-)

Rem: ty. dont tell v abt this convo tho

Despite feeling uneasy about it, Patton understood Remy’s request to keep silent. Telling Virgil about their conversation would only push Virgil away and make him defensive. It’d be impossible to look out for him.

Virgil had already given Patton a way in. Patton had to talk to Logan for Virgil and get any supplies he might need. Patton loved visiting Logan in and of itself. Maybe Logan could help him out.

Logan’s business was located near small shops clustered along the beach. It was a hotspot for tourists, where knickknacks and souvenirs were sold and expensive attractions were advertised. Patton walked along here with Virgil sometimes, stopping at the arcade or mirror maze. Patton had met some of the most interesting people in the small touristy town.

Among the attractions was a dark blue shingled building with a pointy-roofed top. Painted letters on a wooden board spelt out “Afterlife Exposed.” Patton stepped through the door and a bell gently ringed, signaling his arrival.

At the sound of the bell, a tall, dark-haired man turned around. His navy suit blended in with the darkness of the shop. The man’s lean body was captivated beautifully in the suit. Patton quickly averted his eyes, blushing furiously.

“I have been expecting you-oh. Greetings, Patton. What a surprise.”

“Hi Logan!” Patton waved enthusiastically. “Who were you expecting?”

“No one. It’s a new rule Father has implemented. I must say it to every customer to ‘set the mood,’ as he calls it.” Logan dragged his hand over his face exasperatedly. “I find it quite ridiculous. But business shall be business.”

Logan’s father technically owned Afterlife Exposed. But he was always hidden in the back, gathering supplies or experimenting. Logan was currently studying entrepreneurship in college in order to take over the family business someday.

“How may I help you today, Patton?” Logan inquired, stepping around the counter to stand in front of him. He was even taller up close.

Patton filled Logan in about the New Prince Castle family murder and Virgil’s plan to investigate the castle for one of his ghost routines. Logan nodded politely the whole way through.

“I see. What an intriguing case. What exactly does he need from me?”

Patton shrugged cluelessly. “Anything you think might help, I guess.”

“What’s his budget?”

“A coffee and cake pop from Starbucks, if he uses his gift card.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “And he sent you to purchase something from here? Why, he couldn’t even afford a keychain.”

“Come on, Logan! He’s one of your most loyal customers and between us, he’s going through a rough patch. Can’t you help him out? Please?”

Logan massaged his temples and sighed. “Patton, it’s just not something the business can afford to do right now. My Father and I have been dealing with a sort of rough patch as well. You and Virgil have my sincerest apologies-truly, you do.”

Patton nodded dejectedly, “I understand.” Spotting Logan’s hesitant expression and tense form, he rested a hand on Logan’s shoulder and grinned. “Really, I do. I don’t blame you.”

Logan gave a small, tight-lipped smile in return. Gently shaking Patton’s hand off his shoulder, he clasped his hands together tightly. “Well, is there anything else I can do for you?”

“I’m not too sure.” Patton pursed his lips in thought. “Well, actually. I was wondering if you could tell me the dos and don’ts of ghost hunting. The yays and nays. The cats and dogs-actually no scratch that, both of those would be a yay.”

“With all due respect, Patton, I think Virgil has got that covered.” Logan reassured. “He must have asked me a dozen times prior to his first investigation.”

“Oh yeah, I know. It’s for me.” Patton corrected.

Logan raised an eyebrow in perplexion. Patton had never shown an interest in ghost hunting when Virgil wasn’t to be found.

Patton thought quickly. “I just want to understand more. For when I talk to Virgil. Sometimes I really don’t get half the explanations coming from the kiddo’s mouth.” It wasn’t a lie. “Just…how do you deal with ghosts?

“I see.” Logan clicked his tongue. “I’m sure Virgil could explain it to you more in depth. But, if you’re ever in doubt, chalk it up to one thing: respect. Is what you’re doing respecting the afterlife and their home? Are you portraying common courtesy? Treat them with the same respect as the living, if not more. There are exceptions, as with anything, but for the most part, that should keep you out of trouble with spirits.”

“Respect.” Patton repeated.

“You have strong morals, Patton. If you’re concerned about involvement with the afterlife due to your closeness with Virgil, I would not worry. Lack of respect is the last of your weaknesses.”

Logan pulled out his phone from the back of his pocket. “I apologize, I must return to my work. However, if you or Virgil have any more questions, feel free to give me a call.”

Patton gushed and thanked Logan, jotting down his number. Logan flushed a gentle red and held out his hand for a handshake.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Patton.”

Patton swatted Logan’s hand away and brought him in for a hug. “Thank you, Logan.”

Logan awkwardly pat Patton on the back before ungracefully untangling himself from the embrace. “I was only doing my job. Now, I understand it’s none of my business, but I recommend getting some rest. You look exhausted.”

“High school has permanently carved bags under my eyes.” Patton shook his head defeatedly.

Logan gave an amused smirk. “You sounded like Virgil.”

Patton beamed. “Like father, like son!”

Just as Patton was about to turn around to leave the store, something in the corner of the room glistened, catching his eye. “Hey Logan? Just one more thing?”

Logan hummed at him, encouraging Patton to continue.

He pointed to the object at the corner of the room. “How much can I get that for?”

“Walkie-talkies. I sent you to Logan Berry, one of the smartest, most knowledgeable people about the afterlife in this town, and you come back with a Ghost Buster walkie-talkie.” Virgil grunted, dangling the toy by its antennae.

“You can have the Casper the Ghost one instead.”

“What? No! Ghost Busters is better, anyway.” Virgil groaned. “That’s not the point. How about advice? Did Logan say anything?”

“Just to respect the ghosts. Have common courtesy. Which you better be doing anyway, even without Logan telling you to do so.”

Virgil threw his hands up in exasperation and fell down into his sofa as the cushions engulfed the skinny man. “Obviously I respect them! The last thing I need is coming home possessed and cursed! He knows I know that. That’s really all he said?”

“Besides giving us his number.” Patton confirmed. “Which I already gave you.”

Virgil grumbled. “Whatever. One day I’ll get enough money to- wait. The walkie-talkies. There’s no way you could have bought them with my money, I would not have had enough. Please don’t tell me…”

Virgil got a glance of Patton’s sheepish look and groaned. “Patton, we have a rule! No buying each other anything!” He buried his head in his hands. “I can’t pay you back. You know that.”

“Hey…” Patton took a seat next to Virgil and laid a comforting hand on his knee. “It’s okay. They weren’t expensive. You don’t have to pay me back.”

Virgil looked at Patton in between his fingers. His voice was muffled against his palms. “You know how I feel about that, Pat.”

“Virgil, come on.” Patton pleaded.

Virgil shook his head. “Thank you. But, you need to return them.”

Guilty silence settled among the two, but neither made a move to leave. Both were lost in their own worlds when an idea struck Patton.

He nudged Virgil. “I know a way for you to pay me back without money.” At Virgil’s unimpressed look, he protested, “Seriously! It would mean a lot more to me than whatever these walkie-talkies cost.”

“Yea?” Virgil lifted his head from his hands. “What is it?”

Patton stared at Virgil’s stormy eyes as his heart pounded. In all honesty, this was the last thing Patton wanted to do. He was terrified. But, he thought back to the conversation he had with Remy, and the last time Virgil did something senseless unsupervised due to paranoia. “I want to go ghost hunting with you. At the New Prince Castle.”

Virgil’s jaw dropped. His eyes darted around Patton’s face before he shook his head and gave a weak chuckle. “Sure, Pat. Whatever you say.”

“No, I’m serious!” Patton insisted. “I’ll respect the ghosts and do whatever you tell me to do!”

Virgil was dismissing Patton before he could finish his sentence. “No, no, no. You hate ghost stories, Pat! Especially ones that are spooky and gruesome. You’d hate ghost-hutning. It’s dark and there’s lots of weird noises and tons of spiders. No way. I’m not adding more guilt to my conscience.”

Virgil made a move to get up from the sofa, but Patton refused to let the conversation drop. He grabbed Virgil’s hand and pulled him back to the seat. Virgil landed with a clumsy thump.

“Kiddo, I know I hate all those things. I’m sure I’ll be scared. But, you’ll be there too! I love you more than I hate all those things combined.”

“Patton, we can do something else together. Go to the movies. Or bowling. Normal teen stuff.” Virgil reasoned.

Patton retorted, “But ghost hunting is important to you.”

“It’s not that important. It’s a simple hobby. I don’t care that much about it.” Virgil cut off.

“I know, I know!” Patton quickly backtracked. “What I meant was that ghost-hunting has been a cool way for us to bond. It intrigues you-a perfectly normal amount-and I like seeing you happy! Just like you go walking with me along the shops by the beach even though it’s super crowded and you hate it.”

“Patton, what’s your point?” Virgil grilled.

“My point is I want to try this thing that you enjoy with you. Just like you try things for me. It’s senior year, Virgil. No one hates thinking about it more than me, but we don’t know what things are going to be like after high school. I want to find a husband, start a family. Maybe study veterinary science. You could have a publisher for your writing, become a famous author, and move. I want to do this with you. I want to get over my fear.”

Patton stared at Virgil hopefully and held out his hand. “What do you say? One more big adventure for the dynamic duo?”

Virgil stared at Patton, looked down and roughly shook his head, froze, then stared at Patton once more. Virgil’s foot rapidly tapped against the floor, creating a dizzy, distracting melody. Finally, Virgil pulled his hair and glared at Patton. “You’ll be careful?”

Patton nodded eagerly.

“And you’ll stick with me no matter what? At all times? I want you in my sight.”

Virgil dramatically groaned, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. “I guess you can come.”

Patton shot up from his seat, whooping with joy and hopping around the sofa. “Thank you, Virgil! Thank you! We’re going to have such a great time!”

Virgil peeked one eye open and gave a soft grin. “Yeah, I guess we are. You’re sure you wanna do this?”

“Never been more sure of anything in my life besides my love for you and cats! I pinkie swear it.”

Patton and Virgil intertwined pinkies before Patton winked and let go, embracing Virgil.

“Let your moms know you’re going to be gone for the weekend.” Virgil smirked. “We have a haunted castle to explore.”

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #remy sanders #deceit sanders #LAMP #CALM #platonic lamp #hurt/comfort #family fluff #fluff #logicality #prinxiety

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conflictedrabbit · 7 years

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so i finally got around to reading that tizon piece and wondering if i should make a post about it or something. i don’t particularly want to enter #thediscourse but i do have some thoughts on it so i’ll think on it more and for now just copy and paste the logs i typed to my sis

[5/18/17, 9:38:29 PM] Gigahertz: also i'm reading this essay now to understand that twitter thread [5/18/17, 9:38:44 PM] ESC: it's pretty heavy. [5/18/17, 9:38:47 PM] Gigahertz: and this is honestly really heartbreaking and i don't get all the like.... slander against the author [5/18/17, 9:38:55 PM] ESC: omg ME NEITHER [5/18/17, 9:38:56 PM] Gigahertz: like [5/18/17, 9:39:00 PM] Gigahertz: no one else was going to write it [5/18/17, 9:39:01 PM] Gigahertz: you know [5/18/17, 9:39:15 PM] Gigahertz: it's something he didn't manage to do his whole life, which was give her a name and a place [5/18/17, 9:39:21 PM] ESC: like ok yes he was complicit, but he also was evidently struggling with this forever [5/18/17, 9:39:22 PM] Gigahertz: and now he chooses to do that, but to make her above his parents [5/18/17, 9:39:25 PM] Gigahertz: like [5/18/17, 9:39:28 PM] ESC: yes [5/18/17, 9:39:42 PM] Gigahertz: he can't be blamed for this you know like he didn't take her in intending for her to be a slave [5/18/17, 9:39:47 PM] Gigahertz: he learned to disavow it [5/18/17, 9:39:58 PM] Gigahertz: he was stuck in an emotionally abusive environment [5/18/17, 9:40:02 PM] ESC: yeah [5/18/17, 9:40:10 PM] Gigahertz: like he didn't receive the worst of it but this is hardly the same thing you know as like [5/18/17, 9:40:27 PM] Gigahertz: slavery that goes through generations and children learning to utterly dehumanize them [5/18/17, 9:40:32 PM] ESC: right [5/18/17, 9:40:42 PM] Gigahertz: you know. photos of white children smiling next to the lynching of a black man [5/18/17, 9:40:46 PM] Gigahertz: it's nothing like that [5/18/17, 9:40:51 PM] Gigahertz: and honestly what could he have done [5/18/17, 9:41:19 PM] Gigahertz: like he could have done more for her, perhaps, opening the dialogue while she was still alive, maybe connecting to other filipino people who knew of it [5/18/17, 9:41:50 PM] Gigahertz: and like. he might not be "blameless" but he hardly took her for granted [5/18/17, 9:41:53 PM] ESC: yeah [5/18/17, 9:42:22 PM] ESC: x__x the discourse this has started is... [5/18/17, 9:42:27 PM] ESC: really all over the place [5/18/17, 9:42:29 PM] Gigahertz: it is [5/18/17, 9:42:35 PM] Gigahertz: but you know. again [5/18/17, 9:42:44 PM] Gigahertz: if he didn't do this then she would've remained unknown [5/18/17, 9:42:49 PM] ESC: true [5/18/17, 9:42:51 PM] Gigahertz: like. unacknowledged by everyone important to him [5/18/17, 9:42:54 PM] Gigahertz: and when you think about like [5/18/17, 9:43:04 PM] Gigahertz: she couldn't read, she couldn't write, she didn't like talking about her experiences [5/18/17, 9:43:17 PM] Gigahertz: she'd been abused since she was young, couldn't comprehend a life outside of this kind of hardship [5/18/17, 9:43:28 PM] Gigahertz: there is no way to have possibly gotten her story you know [5/18/17, 9:43:33 PM] ESC: yeah [5/18/17, 9:43:33 PM] Gigahertz: definitely not while his mom was alive [5/18/17, 9:43:43 PM] Gigahertz: the other issue is like [5/18/17, 9:44:04 PM] Gigahertz: people expect him to be able to free her but remember, she couldn't even formulate that on her own conception like [5/18/17, 9:44:15 PM] ESC: right [5/18/17, 9:44:19 PM] Gigahertz: there is no point arguing for what you think someone deserves if they cannot advocate for it themselves [5/18/17, 9:44:26 PM] ESC: yes [5/18/17, 9:44:29 PM] Gigahertz: if they don't agree, if they don't say, actually, Yes, Please [5/18/17, 9:44:34 PM] Gigahertz: then like anything you do is going to be meaningless [5/18/17, 9:44:38 PM] ESC: yeah [5/18/17, 9:44:42 PM] Gigahertz: like he discovered, he had to do it through action [5/18/17, 9:44:45 PM] Gigahertz: to let her slowly have more space [5/18/17, 9:44:55 PM] ESC: :( yeah [5/18/17, 9:45:08 PM] Gigahertz: idk i think this story was worth telling [5/18/17, 9:45:12 PM] ESC: for sure [5/18/17, 9:45:17 PM] Gigahertz: honestly i'm like gonna cry and stuff [5/18/17, 9:45:27 PM] Gigahertz: the stuff about his mom is so unfair and so relatable [5/18/17, 9:45:30 PM] ESC: yeah [5/18/17, 9:45:32 PM] Gigahertz: like his mom to lola i mean [5/18/17, 9:45:34 PM] ESC: terrible parents [5/18/17, 9:45:45 PM] Gigahertz: lola's reactions to his mom, sometimes friends, sometimes secretly angry etc. [5/18/17, 9:45:49 PM] Gigahertz: very real [5/18/17, 9:45:53 PM] Gigahertz: very typical of emotional abuse [5/18/17, 9:45:55 PM] ESC: yes [5/18/17, 9:45:57 PM] ESC: 100% [5/18/17, 9:46:16 PM] ESC: i also can't get over that the guy is dead now [5/18/17, 9:46:25 PM] Gigahertz: did he wait until he was dead to release this or what [5/18/17, 9:46:32 PM] ESC: he died in March [5/18/17, 9:46:46 PM] ESC: apparently this was already in progress sometime last year [5/18/17, 9:46:57 PM] Gigahertz: i see [5/18/17, 9:47:40 PM] Gigahertz: you know, the other thing that people are accusing him of [5/18/17, 9:47:44 PM] Gigahertz: that he didn't actually do [5/18/17, 9:47:46 PM] Gigahertz: was make it about his feelings [5/18/17, 9:47:57 PM] Gigahertz: the whole structure, the title of the piece is literally Lola's Story [5/18/17, 9:48:24 PM] Gigahertz: he only talked about himself in relation to her, and because he's the closest approximate to understanding her experiences since she won't talk about it herself [5/18/17, 9:48:35 PM] Gigahertz: like this whole piece is literally an upheaval of his mother's journals [5/18/17, 9:48:49 PM] Gigahertz: it's metacontextually saying "lola was the main character" [5/18/17, 9:49:37 PM] Gigahertz: "and this is what i understood of her, what i think she experienced, and as much as i can describe her in an art, through the vector of myself because otherwise it would've gone untold, as footnotes in my mother's diaries" [5/18/17, 9:49:45 PM] Gigahertz: like just the wording he uses for explaining his mom's journals [5/18/17, 9:49:49 PM] Gigahertz: lola was incidental [5/18/17, 9:49:54 PM] Gigahertz: there'd be like 2 pages of me [5/18/17, 9:49:58 PM] Gigahertz: and he doesn't talk about like [5/18/17, 9:50:04 PM] Gigahertz: what he THOUGHT of the way his mom described him [5/18/17, 9:50:13 PM] Gigahertz: the whole structure is for lola! like! can people not read [5/18/17, 9:50:29 PM] ESC: yeah the vitriol seems based more on like... [5/18/17, 9:50:37 PM] ESC: assumptions made from reading a smidgen of the article [5/18/17, 9:50:53 PM] Gigahertz: honestly his choice in the word "slave" within like the first few paragraphs y'know [5/18/17, 9:50:57 PM] Gigahertz: that he also used that word with her it's very [5/18/17, 9:51:06 PM] Gigahertz: honest and also i guess. contrite [5/18/17, 9:51:10 PM] ESC: yeah [5/18/17, 9:51:12 PM] Gigahertz: not loaded down with like [5/18/17, 9:51:20 PM] Gigahertz: here's my guilty feelings about a house servant [5/18/17, 9:51:29 PM] Gigahertz: like also the fact that he says "and then i had a slave." just reeks of self-hatred [5/18/17, 9:51:35 PM] Gigahertz: because she wasn't actually a slave at his house [5/18/17, 9:51:46 PM] Gigahertz: he did cognitively liberate her from that but he didn't know how to translate it [5/18/17, 9:52:00 PM] Gigahertz: so he felt like he was still using her when really there was a gap in understanding / world views and like [5/18/17, 9:52:11 PM] Gigahertz: that's really not something that could've been helped i mean yeah he could've done more [5/18/17, 9:52:17 PM] Gigahertz: but he did do more than i thought he would [5/18/17, 9:52:20 PM] Gigahertz: when he used that sentence [5/18/17, 9:52:35 PM] Gigahertz: he's basically asking the reader to feel for her [5/18/17, 9:53:04 PM] Gigahertz: idk this piece is particularly well done imo because i sat through that bullshit literature class and i've read this gone wrong [5/18/17, 9:53:09 PM] ESC: l o l [5/18/17, 9:53:13 PM] ESC: scars for lyfe [5/18/17, 9:53:16 PM] Gigahertz: i've read 400 pages of a man describing 3 poor families [5/18/17, 9:53:24 PM] Gigahertz: who could not stop talking about himself [5/18/17, 9:53:32 PM] Gigahertz: who would not stop randomly structuring everything around himself [5/18/17, 9:53:46 PM] ESC: ugh [5/18/17, 9:53:49 PM] Gigahertz: i wrote for one of the journal entries like "he keeps fetishizing them, and also black people with his self-serving guilt" [5/18/17, 9:54:18 PM] Gigahertz: and i brought up ideas of like. consent and stuff and my professor was like "but would they know how to describe themselves" or something along those lines [5/18/17, 9:54:37 PM] Gigahertz: and honestly, i always think more can be done in terms of representing other people, and also in this case, absolutely, because fuck that writer who wouldn't stop talking about his boner [5/18/17, 9:54:43 PM] Gigahertz: but a part of that is true [5/18/17, 9:55:13 PM] Gigahertz: that for some, being chained to a routine like this means that you don't know how to convey your existence if you're even interested in that [5/18/17, 9:55:21 PM] ESC: right [5/18/17, 9:55:32 PM] Gigahertz: like we can't all be robert smalls, fredrick douglass [5/18/17, 9:55:49 PM] Gigahertz: and abuse and poverty wear away at the brain [5/18/17, 9:55:56 PM] Gigahertz: they mean there's a lot of communication skills unexercised [5/18/17, 9:56:04 PM] ESC: yes [5/18/17, 9:56:37 PM] Gigahertz: anyway. basically: yes this man could've done more but his piece is still very important and also it's not about him, if anyone thinks that they can be my guest and read all 400 something fucking pages of Let Us Now Praise Famous Men [5/18/17, 9:56:51 PM] Gigahertz: which was the most pretentious self-serving performance of self-hate i have ever read in my life

[5/18/17, 9:58:01 PM] ESC: do you have any thoughts about the black vs filipino conflict that's happening in the discourse around this piece [5/18/17, 9:58:09 PM] Gigahertz: i haven't really seen much of it [5/18/17, 9:58:19 PM] Gigahertz: if it's filipinos excusing lola's situation then they're wrong [5/18/17, 9:58:33 PM] ESC: it's more like [5/18/17, 9:58:43 PM] ESC: "please don't contextualize this with the lens of US slavery" [5/18/17, 9:58:54 PM] ESC: "please allow this to be a filipino thing" [5/18/17, 9:59:05 PM] ESC: and some black people being like "how dare you tell us we can't talk about slavery" [5/18/17, 9:59:15 PM] Gigahertz: lol [5/18/17, 9:59:25 PM] Gigahertz: well i think there needs to be a middle ground here [5/18/17, 9:59:28 PM] ESC: i think it's pretty absurd honestly [5/18/17, 9:59:36 PM] Gigahertz: because 1. the outside situation is very different from US slavery and it cannot be applied [5/18/17, 9:59:46 PM] Gigahertz: but 2. black people definitely have the right to relate to this kind of thing generationally [5/18/17, 9:59:56 PM] ESC: sure [5/18/17, 10:00:00 PM] Gigahertz: so if filipino people are like saying "it's not that bad" black people can say "fuck you" [5/18/17, 10:00:10 PM] Gigahertz: but they cannot pretend it is on the same oppression scale as US slavery [5/18/17, 10:00:22 PM] Gigahertz: because as you can see, lola's subservience wasn't upheld in america by outside structures [5/18/17, 10:00:37 PM] Gigahertz: also the history given in the piece itself about how this kind of slavery came to be about [5/18/17, 10:00:38 PM] ESC: right, that's true and fair [5/18/17, 10:00:46 PM] Gigahertz: is also something that has to be looked at with understanding of filipino history

[5/18/17, 10:03:59 PM] ESC: =__= i guess a lot of the fervor is just arguing about How Bad tizon is [5/18/17, 10:04:15 PM] Gigahertz: the other thing is that asian and black communities have a history of some friction because we're fundamentally very different cultures [5/18/17, 10:04:19 PM] ESC: right [5/18/17, 10:04:36 PM] Gigahertz: they might all just be boarding the #woke train [5/18/17, 10:04:41 PM] Gigahertz: but anyway i don't agree w/ them [5/18/17, 10:04:45 PM] ESC: i did see a thread that was talking about like.... one of the sticking points is how filial filipino culture is [5/18/17, 10:04:51 PM] Gigahertz: mhm [5/18/17, 10:04:56 PM] ESC: and how based on like... not dishonoring the family a lot of shit is [5/18/17, 10:04:58 PM] ESC: respect, etc [5/18/17, 10:05:14 PM] ESC: which is just something that helps to keep these situations going on longer [5/18/17, 10:05:18 PM] Gigahertz: but i can see why black people, who really are the most disadvantaged in the US, might feel like they want to make everything related to their ethnic history that is so often denied [5/18/17, 10:05:23 PM] Gigahertz: yeah [5/18/17, 10:05:26 PM] ESC: sure [5/18/17, 10:05:34 PM] Gigahertz: that is very true and pretty much 100% all of asia [5/18/17, 10:05:36 PM] Gigahertz: which is almost astounding [5/18/17, 10:05:40 PM] Gigahertz: east asia, southeast asia, south asia [5/18/17, 10:05:44 PM] Gigahertz: we're all filial chained kids [5/18/17, 10:05:46 PM] ESC: yeah -__- [5/18/17, 10:05:48 PM] ESC: it's the worst [5/18/17, 10:05:52 PM] Gigahertz: it truly is

#critical attempt

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