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#idk. idk. it makes me feel shitty and it makes me feel like im just tricking peoplw into keeping me around
ganondoodle · 9 months
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said this on tiwtter too but im seriously at my limit, people go and be all like "oh my god young people have no idea of basic internet security omggggg" and the same person will immediately make an account on t/hreads that is stealing so much data from you its basically one step away from straight up kidnapping
i get we are all desperate, i really do, but i WILL judge you if you go and sign up for the literally shittiest app on earth thats really just a flimsy disguise of a bunch of data suckers in a trench coat
use tumblr, cohost, pillowfort, (the latter two also allow nsfw) ANYTHING but that suckerberg leech i am BEGGING you
idk how accurate it is but i saw the numbers of 75 MILLION sign ups for the threads bs, what the hell are you doing, i feel like im in one of those old anti technology comics were young people just walk off a cliff en masse bc they only look at their phone and nothing else while im the old guy in a chair watching them do it
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eebie · 9 months
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i cant keep it hidden any longer
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oatbugs · 8 days
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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woobifiedvillain · 11 months
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The idea that Jin Guangyao needs more friends (and that would help solve things) is a misconception I think.
The world sucks for him and makes it difficult or impossible to make genuine friendships, but blorbo is nice. He's smiley! He's polite! He remembers people's names and interests with an obsessive efficiency! He uses this to buy personalized gifts and help people the way they need it most! He's committed to public service and shows affection by solving peoples problems! If you let him.
He is canonically a beloved president and uncle and boyfriend until the ruin-san-ge's-life-revenge plot shows up. Sure he has trust issues but given enough time and actual stability and space it seems like he would chill out! He wants basic respect, he wants people to like him, he knows how people work and how to create and maintain relationships (arguably better than most characters in the novel). In a less shitty world, he would be fine. He can make his own friends, and does so.
The actual interpersonal disaster who could be saved with the power of friendship is Nie Mingjue. My man has. A younger brother and basically one friend, the world's most friend shaped, Lan Xichen. He has. Deputies. Former deputies who occupy a strained and ambiguous relationship status. He's got. Trusted colleagues. I'm not saying he doesn't know how to people at all, it seems like on a purely functional level, he does fine. He's like your manager who shares absolutely nothing about his personal life and has no idea how to show affection or give praise, but, has very clear and set expectations and is literal as hell, and *at work*, that's fine! Great, actually.
But oh boy befriending that person is hard. Also. NMJ doesn't seem to let himself, want friends? Try to make more? Probably some mix of "don't know how" and "don't have time for, anyway (I'm so fine. Totally alright. Just leave me alone.)"
It's canon that his response to LXC being busy rebuilding the cloud recess is forbidding him from coming to play music for him, not because he's mad at LXC, but because he refuses to ask LXC to take time away from an important thing, for him, even as he's dying. He actually doesn't even ask, he tells LXC he's not allowed to help (and LXC obvs wants to and that's how we get JGY playing for NMJ to begin with).
JGY responds to people being nice to him by being really fucking nice in return. He responds to loyalty and respect really really well. Does he have a low threshold for what breaks that relationship off completely and puts him on the defensive? Yeah (and understandably so). But JGYs trauma doesn't manifest as an aversion to explicit kindness or affection! (Especially/so long as it seems genuine). Just look at how he responds to LXC.
NMJ responds to questions about his values by not answering them, and deflecting with anger. He deflects, most questions, almost everything, with anger. Or super formal work boundaries. He knows how to be the figure of responsibility but as soon as someone says oh hey let me help you it's "fine, grudgingly" and then "oh I see you're busy. Stop worrying about me immediately I am so fine leave me alone. I forbid your presence actually. As sect leader. Ha." When he's genuinely distressed his protests are "I know what I'm doing!" which. Given the context is fucked up but it also shows what he's scared of really well. That when he feels threatened he doubles down on insisting he's competent, he can handle it, he can be left alone, stop interfering, leave.
This is just my headcanon but I think part of that is. Terror that he's going to hurt people, that he tries not to directly acknowledge. But he also knows that even if he doesn't kill someone qi deviating he's going to die eventually, probably soon, so - obviously the answer is to push everyone away before that happens, because it'll hurt less when it inevitably does, right? It's fine. Nothing is going to change the end result. There's no point in asking for people to care when it won't change anything, it won't, and they have better things to do anyway, right?
Which is why Huaisang needs to hurry up and be prepared to be sect leader. Because, he's dying faster than he'll let on, but he can't let anyone know that, can't tell Huaisang "you will actually" when his brother says "I'm never going to be sect leader, you can have that, I don't want it", so instead he defaults to anger, and yells about needing to practice saber and storms off. Because actually trying to explain would mean admitting weakness, which might lead to concern, and attempts to care, which is not allowed. (Have you considered that watching you die actually hurts the people you care about no matter what, and pushing them away isn't the answer nor will it make them feel better for having never seen that it was this bad and never acted faster).
Nie Mingjue. Would not make friends, left to his own devices. I don't even think he knows how, or not very well. Lan Xichen was his friend early enough, and they can bond over having to be responsible to their sect/younger siblings really young. But since then, it's just. Not a priority. And it never made sense to make it more of one, because more friends now just means more friends do inevitably hurt and possibly harm in the process of dying, so why bother? It's better not to.
#the gremlin does meta#dont get me wrong i want JGY to get ALL THE LOVE but I really think if he's just. not having an all around terrible time.#creating friendships is not an issue for him. i do think long term. things would come up. i mean obviously he didn't tell LXC things#but even then! that has to do w shitty circumstances/oh no I've murdered myself into a hole. type stuff#obviously whatever happened when they were hiding from the Wen. in relative isolation. was good#and JL adores him as an uncle. and JC has a functional co-parenting relationship. like. he does know how! and hes likeable#NMJ needs people to aggressively befriend him. probably against his will. bc he does not know how to receive affection#this also ties into the whole 'i dont have hobbies/interests! stop asking ' thing. and another reason he's so wary of JGY#NMJ is dont you dare try to make me experience the mortifying ordeal of being known. ill stab you first. personified#contrary to popular belief JGY does not stab people who try to know him. hes extremely devoted. u just gotta not make him feel threatened#also its hard to tell bc of how much their backgrounds shaped them. so idk about JGY. but it seems like NMJ was never the most. personable?#like again maybe in a completely different context he'd be different. but i do think. *that* extent of. not having any relationships. is#telling. my hc is that in a different world. he'd be much less. well. all that#but he still struggles with social implications/managing the complexities of groups. hes also very blunt#i think he'd have more patience/understanding but i also think my man was always a little autistic about it and that didn't help matters#maybe im projecting but i read NMJ as someone who basically needs ppl to come up and go. hey so were friends now#for him to be able to be like. ah yes. finally. a clearly defined relationship. ok i can do that#and then actually once thats established. and if he's not dying. hed do ok! not swimmingly but he can do it#but he needs ppl to kindof. make themselves his friend first#i mean *look* the two relationships he does have. are Lan I will befriend the world to cope Xichen#and Huaisang chaotic little brother who will hang around whether you like it or not#and?? his reaction to even the slightest perceived rejection when JGY is talking to LXC in the tent. about wanting his fathers approval#is to take it VERY personally immediately and go. oh? oh see he wants to leave. you tried to make a friend? colleague? something?#you tried to be nice to someone on purpose and look he wants to leave of course he does. he should actually. ill write you a letter asap#Nie Mingjue
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mysicklove · 3 months
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i am sorry for the lack of fics everyone 😔😔😔
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maaaxx · 2 months
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dont get me wrong i am more excited for this atla remake and the inevitable renaissance part 2 than i have ever been for anything in my life. however im also terrified of what changes this is going to bring to the fandom. Obviously the 2020 renaissance brought a lot of new and good things (zukka, a ton of amazing fics, etc). But more people joining the fandom means new people joining ao3 and interacting with fics and authors and artists too. Even in the few years that i've been active in fandom i've noticed a dramatic shift in how people interact with artists and authors especially. And I can't see this not getting worse as more people whose main social media experiences include tik tok and instagram coming to ao3 and tumblr. Like these people are used to content creators who revolve their content around what their audience wants because its their job, and I know this isnt going to translate well to the culture around ao3 writers especially when unconsolidated comments and 'advise' is already a problem for a ton of authors. And for people who dont understand that fics and fanart are supposed be transactional in the sense that you need to leave comments and kudos and reblog stuff when they're used to simply liking something *maybe* being enough. Idk whats going on with other fandoms, but I do know that these things have been an ongoing issue for the atla fandom and like I said, I can't imagine having another 'renaissance' and this stuff not getting worse.
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Anti-tranmasculinity is really interesting to experience sometimes, both in the queer community and outside of it. Because sometimes you just have some absolute awful shit said to you about your biology, that's blatantly incorrect. It reduces you down to being nothing more than an incubator, a mistake, a lost lesbian, a woman who doesn't know any better and needs to get taught a lesson.
And then sometimes it's just like, huh there are no funny trans masc stereotypes. Which like sucks.
Like, where is my version of the trans girls and their pickles? Or the ikea shark? Where is the fun poking and prodding within the community that doesn't actually mean anything.
I know that I speak of this from a place of privilege. I have a beautiful community or talented and kind trans women and trans feminine people. But I look around and realize that I know only really interact with 3 trans men...
I think this feeling of isolation was heightened after going to pride. Seeing so many out and proud trans men in so many different stages. Realizing what I don't have.
And I don't need anyone coming at me saying "welcome to manhood" or some miserable approximation or that. It doesn't help, and nor will "just make some more friends"
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marsbotz · 22 days
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good news for all my haters: im not coming back. not properly. i think social media and being around ppl in general is destroying me so im gonna just focus my energy on other stuff
ill probably still be a little bit active occassionally but for now i think il just stick to posting art etc. im moving to sheezy.art (which is down for maintenance rn but opens for registration again on fridays!) bc the energy there is much nicer for me.. but ill still post on here and insta. im also gonna be working on building my own website again!! so bookmark it and maybe some day itll have cool stuff on it.... :]
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sarcasticsargassum · 2 months
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i think a lot of my butchness issues would be resolved if i was less burnt out and had a healthier relationship to my masculinity
#so. never#idk like. i like to be a guy. love it even. i did choose this#but like any gender it comes with a certain amount of baggage#it doesnt help that i have literally no idea what im clocked as???? like i get he'd or they'd pretty regularly if i ask people to#but then i think about. like. toby putting his hand on the small of my back when i was learning to drive the boat#or the times when i've looked at the cis men around me and realized not only do i not talk like them but that i don't really want to#that there's no way to 'masculinize' my enthusiasm without completely changing who i am#sigh. i guess i could also retreat into nonbinarity but at the same time im still. A Guy (/butch) in many respects#or at least i'd like to be#faggy butch is a good descriptor and it always will be for me#i'm just worried about the inevitable center of the venn diagram between perceived faggy butch and perceived girl#UGHHHHHHH no i think. the more i think about this the more i think it was toby#id been feeling so masc for MONTHS. and then just. that subtle reminder that no i was going to be treated like the girls on board#and also the reminder that men in power can do that. if they want to#i know women in power can and do as well i just. aughahghgaghhghahgahghghhhhhhhhhh meow meow hiss mrow screech#im blowing up that damn boat with him inside#i think the moral ocd makes this worse too because like. it becomes so quickly impossible to distinguish 'men are sometimes shitty'#from 'if you become a man you will then become a monster'#i can do it consciously but that's not how my brain wants to work#sigh. groans and screams into my hands#i love to be transgender and butch and it does not harrow nor haunt me at all. smiles sweetly#if any trans people out there wanna talk about this. even if its just to tell me im stupid. call me#because i think right now i just feel alone#intothevoid.txt
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macroglossus · 3 months
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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED
#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like#two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that#time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore#is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and#when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up#and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not#that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on#listening. if that makes sense#IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive#like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that#im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍
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nicky-jr · 2 days
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shoutout gothcleats shippers o7
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urostakako · 1 year
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it seems people are already upset that tsumiki is not nice anymore, sorry you dont know her like i do
#cmon. cmon. she has every right to be violent#idk if i trust gege to allow her to be angry (which she also has every right to be?? her life has constantly been people pushing her away#and forgetting about her and her constantly being nice) but if she was nice even now it would literally make zero sense#thats not character development. its not even giving her character. its just megumi's perspective being right that shes some kind of saint#which is sooooooo boring like why would she be nice. i think she should be tired of being nice. i think she should go apeshit. as a treat#and there was so much build up about the curse put on her. making it just some thing like oh shes a sorcerer but shes not gonna do anything#about it because shes so good IS SO BORING#and really it would be unrealistic if she didnt harbor at least some negative feelings i mean megumi was always kind of an asshole right up#until she got cursed and im assuming gojo didnt pay much attention to her as he did megumi. and her mom left her for some shitty dude#why would she not be mad?? just getting stuck being a little angel after all that just makes my skin crawl#and if megumi only really considered apologizing after she got cursed i doubt he really did a lot for her when she wasnt.#so i absolutely think she should be allowed to kill people it would be a disservice if she wasnt and was just again boiled down to the#saintly girl older sister image megumi seems to have of her. so boring#or maybe its just me being an angry sister who has to be nice. but i dont really think it is#tsumiki fushiguro#jjk 211#jjk leaks#jjk spoilers#jjk#aricouldyounot#oh and before anyone misinterprets i know megumi had some psychology going on as a kid. doesnt mean tsumiki didnt either#or that she has to be so understanding all the time and not consider her own feelings. so boring. so shitty#it mightve sounded like a joking tone when i said she should go apeshit. but i was 100% serious#anyway yeah thats it
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quirkle2 · 6 months
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i wish i wouldn't do this to myself. why do i buy games on steam and then not play them for a while and then hate them and request a refund way outside of the refund time window
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technicalthinker · 5 months
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Since I see a lot of reactions on articles/quotes from the Loki crew and cast, here are some general reminders when it comes to stuff like this;
There are so many people working on a show/movie and everyone make decisions creating the final product we watch. Of course they do a lot of work to unite their visions and make it cohesive, but "contradictions" may still happen. We often talk about the obvious people behind a show, the actors, writers and directors, but there are also costume designers, composers and editors, etc. All of these people can have different perspectives and pull things in different directions, that just sort of comes with the nature of making such a big show.
And then it comes to producing a show itself. Productions are messy. Things get reworked on the spot because what might've worked on the page didn't work in practice, props break and need to be changed, actors can't be in for the day, etc. All of these affect the final products in chaotic ways. Sometimes unpredictable things like this may get in the way of or improve the story.
And finally articles/interviews purpose is to provide this one specific person's perspective and promote the show, or engage fans.
So take these things with a grain of salt. You don't need to base your entire view on the show on statements from cast/crew. Is the line less meaningful because it was improvised? Should we consider an episode to be less canon because it was apparently rewritten a lot from its original state?
Your fan experience will likely be healthier and more fun if you try to mainly engage with the art you have in front of you. If you read quotes from creators and feel frustrated that they are inconsistent with the art - first of all, art is subjective, it just comes with the territory. But my main point of the post is that even if a person is working on the show, it doesn't mean that their view is 100% represented within the text. You don't need to go full Death of the Author here, but you gotta remember there isn't just one author and that author's intent at work here, there is a production, with all that comes with it. And honestly? That's what makes it interesting. All of these visions coming together to create art that we get to take part in, and whatever vision we're getting as a viewer might be something completely unique.
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petits-rubans-etoiles · 6 months
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this morning i woke up and felt the urge to draw these three together for no real reason other than they mainly work as healers in their respective games and also thinking they could get along. maybe. somehow.
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skyeateyourdonuts · 7 months
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weeoo
#this is gonna be me talking in tags today#ive been rather sleep deprived lately trying to keep up with everything around me#and its been taking a toll on my health like#if i go too long like this i tend to feel more lethargic and my allergies kick in#i got a sore throat bc my room has been Freezing and then i get headaches way way easier#often times my face will flush but its just my nose and idk why#well anyways lmao i just aint feelin great due to lack of sleep#so i emailed my teachers and stayed home and others might say this wasnt it#but i can barely get to sleep at all these days and just bed ridding myself#seemed like the only way for my body to be like#'fine 🙄 u can sleep' lmao#thats actually one of the worst symptoms is im restless i just Cant grt to sleep no matter how hard i try#ive had a couple days where i was running on 2-3 hours bc i spent even longer Laying there#anyways i hope this makes a difference im tired of feeling tired and shitty#luckily my mood has weirdly been high#its just my sleep and health that are low#i think when the sleepiest soldiers are unable to get sleep thats when u know smths wrong#i think also so much is happening and me trying to keep up is taking more outta me than i expected#im a gal who gets overwhelmed easily even if im happy w whats happening lmao#tho im not Happy im more In a Good Mood lmao#side tangent but i HATE being an adult who doesnt have like idk Help lmao#like my dad was so nice to me sometimes and helped me sometimes#i could go a whole day sleeping bc id be fucking exhausted#and hed qake me up and ask me when i last ate and if i couldnt decide but itd been too long#hed make smth for the both pf us or hed make it For me and id just be able to like recover lmao#ah adulthood is hard lmao#alright im done#gata#no need to read <3 yall
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