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#idk. like i just need people to stop talking abt ed stuff around me but also i dont want to say that
tfw-no-tennis · 4 years
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hxh RESUME
back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps 
ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll
i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh
exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls 
also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting 
leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family 
illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to
the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy 
hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch 
the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK 
AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH 
ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact 
EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS. 
no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought) 
ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks
gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!
i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi) 
hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd
dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho
an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol
so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh 
gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute 
so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok
im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father 
gon is so precious ;_; 
WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???
why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint 
ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways 
idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent 
the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm 
gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him
ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS
i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st
ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo
ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo
i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense
i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood 
gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite. 
those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless
that bigass buster sword....sir please 
ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol
the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill 
also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk
this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee 
i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing 
the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo 
ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good 
also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :( 
as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes 
maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls 
god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope 
anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force 
like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua 
but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow. 
and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky 
and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death 
i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny 
training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!
and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out
i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....
oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that 
also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face 
this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn
killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....
back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????
 i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol 
oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good
when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii 
oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh 
i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic 
also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN????????? 
im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao
i do think its rlly nen this time tho
anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family 
PREDICTION CORNER: 
as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly 
i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....
also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven 
i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)
thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla
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coalessscence · 5 years
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one of my favorite worst things to Think About are the ways herb’s casually neglectful childhood sometimes just....surfaces in the every day world of his life now. and since his whole shtick is my childhood was perfect my father is basically god and i have absolutely no parent issues idk what ur talking abt, he winds up having to flail, having to learn on the way down, and try to keep up a cover that he knew all along. which, usually, doesn’t work, and just makes it all the more sad. here’s a few examples i’ve thought of because i don’t love myself:
someone around the station gets stuck with something metal and comments they might need a tetanus shot. herb was definitely never taken to the doctor’s for a checkup and regular vaccinations as a child, and since he works daytime hours lucille takes the kids while he’s at work, so he literally has never had a shot and he doesn’t fully understand what vaccines are, aside from cultural osmosis, so he asks in telling confusion, “what’s that supposed to mean?” @piper-aileen-lenox specifically, thnx for making me think of this and ruining my life xx
when herb and lucille moved in together (i imagine they were engaged but maybe not married just yet) lucille made it clear to her rather sexist fiance that she was expecting him to tow the line around the house just as much as her, which he agreed to, except when she asked him to do the grocery shopping thinking that was a harmless thing he could do (not like she’d trust him to actually get the dishes clean or fold her clothes so they don’t wrinkle). they almost never had food consistently in the house growing up and if they did eat full meals, they only had the food for THAT MEAL around because 1. herb sr. and ruby (herb’s parents) lived an erratic lifestyle of little to no money or a whole lot of money but only for a second because it was burning a hole in herb sr.’s pocket, and because 2. ruby quickly learned spending money on food ahead was pointless because either herb sr. hecked off somewhere w/o warning and it went bad, or his deadbeat friends hung around and ate it all, so she only bought for that day if they had the money for anything. but since no one was ever around to TEACH herb anything and he figured most things out on his own, herb doesn’t understand all this and he literally thinks you’re not supposed to by food until you run out or that you have to throw out whatever you have left at the end of the week because....... who knows ???? that’s just what he thought. it caused multiple arguments early into herb and lucille’s relationship before she figured it out and explained it to him because he didn’t know well enough to ask.
when herb and lucille’s first child, bunny, was born, he had to be shown how to hold a baby by the doctor. he had literally never held or even interacted with a baby before until that moment. he had no siblings (that he knew of), he had no friends as a child because if he wasn’t the bully he was the target and he was an ass just like dear old dad so no one liked him anyway, and he had 0 other family. lucille realized in that moment as she watched his palpable confusion when she extended their newborn child to him that he was going to have a lot of learning and growing to do. she hoped he was ready for it.
god that time there was a station fam barbecue early into herb’s wkrp career and someone, maybe mr. carlson, is like ‘WHO WANTS TO BE THE GRILL MASTER’ like its a big deal and everyone is like oh it has to be herb bc he’s the newest out of us and hes aware all the men see it as a status symbol and he CAN’T be less of a man than another man bc Ego (tm) so hes like of course im the grill master !!! and then panics for the next thirty minutes because he’s literally never even stood next to a grill let alone used one HOW DOES IT WORK the first fifteen minutes he doesnt even have the gas on rip
when herb was, like, 15, he taught himself how to drive a car because one of his “friends” (peers who was a bully that he called a friend and hung out with to stop also getting bullied but who was still bullying him anyway, herb was just brainwashed into thinking that’s what friendship is) wanted them to go out cruising and herb wanted to be a Cool Guy and not look like a chump so he lied and said he could drive. they got pulled over, because of course they did, and herb got in big trouble for you know, driving w/o a licences. the kicker though is that herb didn’t fucking know you can’t drive without a license or that licenses and road tests and drivers ed were even a THING because he literally raised himself and no one ever  t a u g h t   h i m   a n y t h i n g. anyways his dad got called home to deal with it from wherever he was away at at the time and he got in big trouble for interrupting dear old dad’s work anyways so :) what a healthy family
surprisingly, herb DID know how to cook the basics. grilled cheese, pasta, stir fries, a couple casseroles. lucille asked him about it because he was always such a Gender Roles (tm) type of man who wouldn’t even wear a brighter shade of red than like. maroon. in case it got loosely contaminated with the concept of the color pink and he’d have to change his name and move to alaska. so why was he doing a “ womans job “ (cooking) and herb just looked confused and said “what, guys don’t cook?” she told him that no, they usually didn’t and would have laughed at her if she tried to make them, and he laughed awkwardly and absently stirred the pot on the stove and shrugged in mild confusion. “that’s weird. if i didn’t cook i’d have... starved, i guess.”
the bad news is his cooking wasnt GREAT and lucille was happy to take over because again.........self taught. and he has one (1) brain cell so. not Great
LITERALLY DIDN’T KNOW ALL CLOTHES DON’T HAVE TO BE DRY CLEANED. his dad literally wore clothes that had to be dry cleaned Every Day (and we wonder why the tarlek family was short on the food budget god) (and they were ugly clothes too akdhfjfg) and ofc if ruby washed her clothes, it was while herb was at school. he dry cleaned so many clothes that do Not Make Sense to dry clean in college before he slowly figured that out.
did not know what an allowance was. bunny asked him for one and not willing to seem stupid to his swift daughter he told her to ‘ask her mother’, who thought it was hecking weird that her money obsessed husband would say that, so she asked him why and after several long minutes he just shrugged helplessly and said “what’s an allowance?”
don’t even get me started on herb and lucille planning their wedding ( ‘what kind of stuff should we put on the gift register?’ “put on the WHAT?”  ‘what are we going to put on top of the cake?’ “there’s gonna be CAKE?”  ‘i can’t wait for daddy to walk down the isle with me, it’ll mean a lot to him’ “your DAD is gonna walk you down the isle....?? but you’re marrying ME, right?”   ) also herb not knowing the wedding look of the bride is supposed to be a Secret and barging into the room w a question or smth while lucille and her bridesmaids are getting ready, and everyone is hella miffed and he’s like WHAT i’ve seen her naked before and theyre all like THATS NOT THE POINT HERB
herb did Not Know about seasonal allergies. he just........didn’t know. he just thought god hated him and every spring and fall his head sprung a leak. and the whole time he was growing up no one A. listened to him complain about them and put 2 and 2 together, nor B. just taught him about basic first aid stuff in general for that matter he doesnt know shit. anyways, then lucille was like why are you such a tough guy just stop complaining and take some medicine for your stupid allergies and he was like take some what for my what now
ANYWAYS herb’s mom left while he was v young and he doesn’t remember much about her. herb’s dad was literally   n e v e r   home. the people herb’s dad left him with would work for obscenely low amounts of pay or owed herb sr. money and largely used all the money for their own food, drugs, alcohol, or other more unsightly business, and left herb alone to fend for himself. this is the disaster human that that produced, thanks, family dynamics! don’t abandon your children, kids, thanks for coming to my ted talk
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gayneral · 5 years
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All those flowers, my dude
First of all thank you for asking, this will be longAlso as this took me almsot two weeks already I took the liberty of leaving some queastions out so I wouldn’t take even longerSince this was answered over a longer time span some questions that are aimed at certain days may be slightly outdated (ed what are u wearing today and such)
Alisons: Sexuality?I’m gay my dudes
Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?He/Him, male
Amaryllis: Birthday?My Birthday is in June
Anemone: Favorite flower?This is gonna sound lame as fuck but I rly like roses, red ones in particular
Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?I can’t choose but here are some favorites:
Peaky Blinders, I’ve watched this one so often,,, Cillian Murphy was what got me into it and I stayed for beautiful scenes and atmosphere and the gang drama
Gotham, Let’s be honest, the best thing abt dc are their villains (also suuuuper into Robin Lord Taylor as Oswald)
Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Office, i like these because they are easy, nice and satisfy my need to have something running in the background while I’m at home. (Also insanely sweet in the case of BB9)
Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?One I still remember strongly is from two boys kissing “you should all live to meet your future selves”
Also many of the poems by keaton st james deeply resonate with me so check those out (most are religious-ish just in case that’s a no no for you)
Aubrieta: Favorite drink?I gotta be boring and say water
I like hot chocolate and a special kind of peach tea and some soda I drank in brazil but water,, yeah I drink that most,, love hydration
Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Nope
Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?I am, right now, at this very moment
Baneberries: Favorite song?I can’t give you an all time favorite so here’s a random favorite I currently like listening to: Sedated by Hozier
Basket of Gold: Describe your family.My family is not very big and actually hasn’t been a family for a very long time. Namely it’s my dad, my sister, my grandparents, my dads wife, her son, our dog and I. I have never experienced family in my youth so sometimes when I’m with them it’s all very odd. And sometimes it’s stressful. But it’s the first time I actually miss family when I’m alone at home, far away. I speak about my father and my grandparents further below but my sister is very sweet and I’m pretty protective of her, she and I get along a lot better now than before which is a common trait as ull see later.
We often take care of things, and are probably the most planning of the family. My dad’s wife is very good to talk to, having a very different perspective from my own and will always offer up advice. Her son is currently in pirperty and more interested in playing fortnite than anything which makes for some explosiveness at home. Our dog is cute and perfect that’s it.
Begonia: Favorite color?I like blue tones, but a dark, rusy kind of red is cool too
Bellflower: Favorite animal?Dogs Dogs Dogs. By far my favorite animal, they fill my heart with joy. Next up, Giraffes, funny big boys
Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?Morning I think, I definitely work best early.
Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?I actually never really had a dream job as a child. Not that I remember at least.
Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?While I generally ain’t a big fan, like I’m someone very based on conversations so obviously that’s hard w kids. I am growing more to them. I’m far from wanting one but I think children are special in their.. Like innocence. They are beyond all the bitterness and hatred that we adults have. If only parents would be better lmao
Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?I’m afraid of many things. Change for example. And failure. I think that might be because being perfect was important when I grew up and whatever I did it was never enough to my mother especially. Perhaps that has become so deep rooted that I tell myself I can not fail, which makes me very nervous and makes me worry too much.
Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.I spend lots of time on building sites and in hardware stores because my grandparents have houses and my parents often would work there too.
Buttercup: Relationship Status?Single
Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?God I don’t know, I think it’s probably when I’m with someone I care about and it’s easy and light and fun and I feel comfortable and they tell me that they like being around me, or that I made them happy with something.
Canna: Do you have any tattoos?Nope,wanted to have some but money and shit
Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  I have my ears pierced, but it’s the earlobes so the most basic thing
California Poppy: Height?  I insist on 1,70 at least, I will not accept being under that.
Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?In a way, yeah
Carnation: What are you currently wearing?My new boots, black pants, winter coat, black jacket, a blue button up and a lord of the rings shirt underneath. Obviously underwear
Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?When I was a child for sure
Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?A person from school, who’s also in fashion design, but a few years above me that I got to know bc of cosplay.
Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?My Ex
Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?God idk, I like oldish looking ones, elegant ‘n stuff
Columbine: Are you tired?Nah, actually not rn
Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?Sam visiting me in March
Coneflower: Dream job?I’m not sure, definitely something w sewing but idk if I wanna go theater or my own things
Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?Introvert
Crocus: Have you ever been in love?Yeh
Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?Very very far
I’d say I’m pretty damn loyal and also give myself up easily even without noticing. If someone has my love and my loyalty they have my everything basically. Would I commit a terrible crime? I don’t know. Would I be real mean to someone or punch them? Yeah, if it’s reasonable w the situation I would (would it be affective? Not sure)
Give myself up? If we’re thinking real dramatic..maybe yeah
Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?Gemini
Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?Funny or stupid things? MaybeOtherwise honourable stuff, i don’t think so, i don’t view my actions like that.
I mean I survived, that’s pretty cool
Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?Above mentioned survival. Which includes making it out of my mother and her boyfriends abusive grip and household. Moving away. Being true to myself. Dragging myself out of the hole I had fallen in for a while. Getting close w my dad and family. Believing more in myself and stopping things that are not good for me. Getting an apprenticeship that I like. Moving forward in life
Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?If it’d be my dad I’d sit down with him and ask him why exactly. I have had a relationship before in which I did not see how badly I was treated/ that I basically searched someone like my mother. So I’d listen, perhaps to prevent from making the same mistake again. If it turns out it’s nothing reasonable I think I’d tell him that I will pursue the relationship anyway and ask him to respect that and be as nice as possible to my partner.
If it’d be my mother.. No surprise she doesn’t even like me and honestly I wouldn’t give a shit.
Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?Did I say it? Not sure but written it in a letter, it was Sam
False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?If my grades speak for themselves it’d be my apprenticeship, or like idk working hard about something I enjoy. I take this very seriously and give it everything I can. I’ve been told I’m good at talking, not sure if that’s true
Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?I’m envious. It’s not that far that I am not happy for people, I think i generally have it under control but sometimes it gets the best of me and fills my stomach with nasty emotions.
Also saying stop. I do a lot for people, and I’ve been prone to letting people use and step on me for too long xnot standing up for myself
Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?The past month was actually absolutely terrible so not much to find here.Uhm..the bad thing that happened got our family closerI spend Christmas and new years w my familyI got amazing gifts and letters from my friends
Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?Stressful. I worked on my semester project and I feel like hardly anything worked
Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?I’m moving towards a happy place. But I’m definitely doing a lot better already
Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?Finish my apprenticeship, surgery, be able to make my own money so I don’t have to rely on my dad so much (he does enough for me already) and so I can get more distance between my mother and I
Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?In no particular order
1. Dogs, god whenever I see a dog I’m happy because they are so cute and loyal,,,,,,,
2. probably everyone and their dog says this but my friends, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. They helped me through terrible times in my life, are a constant source of love and joy to me.
3. my family. Since I didn’t have that for a long time I cherish it even more now that I do. It’s amazing to have a family that supports you behind you. I’m super grateful for everything they’ve done for me
4. the possibility to do the apprenticeship that I want to. it’s not always easy,,,I lack the money lmao but I’m so grateful that I can do this, because it makes me feel like I’m actually worth something in the working,adult world. I’m good at this
5. music. I listen to it so often, I can’t imagine not having music
6. sunshine, there’s something wonderful about going outside and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, when it’s spring and winter has just gone by and you just have to smile because everything is bright and you’re surrounded by light
7. myself. Listen I dislike myself as much as the next guy but I’m working on appreciating myself and I am insanely proud of myself for coming as far as I have come. I don’t let myself feel it very often but having myself, it’s a good thing. I know my younger self would be very happy knowing that I did all those things for us.
8. something that makes me happy is creating, might it be art, or sewing or writing, anything really. It’s a pain in the ass and frustrating at times but I love looking at something knowing I did this, finishing it. And then looking back at it later and seeing how far I’ve come again
9. playing video games. It’s just fun to lose yourself in a story sometimes.
10. Christmas Markets. I don’t like Christmas itself. But I love the Markets, it’s the atmosphere of it. The food smells amazing and there are all those lights and there are kids with actual shining eyes because they see Christmas so magical and they are in awe by all the lights and honestly I feel the same awe sometimes when I’m on those Markets
Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  Hardly anything lmao. Listening to music. Distracting myself with either talking to someone or playing/watching something. Tho that often makes me feel guilty on the long run. What helps if stress is overwhelming me is writing down what it is that is stressing, like making a list and trying to untangle the mess, looking at what I have to do one by one
Hellebore: How do you show affection?Since I’m A  big fan of honesty I usually just say it. I like to tell people when I get some emotion. Like just telling them that I appreciate them. I think it’s nice to just be told that sometimes. Besides that I do things, like I’ll send anon messages or offer help just assisting somehow. Like not always outright having them know it’s me,like affection from afar. And well I’m helpful when I care abt someone especially, like “I can do this for you”
And being super openIt’s not alway clever as experience has shown but to me offering up things about myself means trust means affection in a way. Like giving a part of myself to someone. lmao
Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?Making it to this point, I wasn’t in a very good state just a bit ago. But with the help of my friends and family I made it out of it. I have an apprenticeship I enjoy, I have my own flat, I have something to stand up for again. I can appreciate myself some more. I was able to see toxic relationships i was in and get away from them and not let myself be guilted but seeing them for what they are and acknowledging that while I am not a saint it doesn’t mean that I have to accept any treatment. I stood up to my mother, even if just a bit that was a huge step for me.
Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?I barely had  any of it recently so I can very much put what I want to do. Which would be drawing. I haven’t done that properly in so long and I miss it. Like both sketching stuff on paper but mostly full pictures, sketching, lining and colouring somethin. Having a full art piece at the end. Also Play Games. And talk to my friends. Haven’t had a nice hour long convo with Nina or Charlotte or Sam in ages and I hate that.
Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?That’d be Charlotte and Nina
Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?I would hide away in my room and imagine. Invent stories, characters, anything to distract me from how unhappy I was. I would act them out in my head when I laid in bed so I could sleep.
Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?I did not treat someone that I care about very well a few years ago, I didn’t give them the honesty they deserve. I was an asshole. Even if we spoke about it, I still feel very bad about it.
Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?Indulging. When I have things to do but take a break I always feel super guilty for not doing anything.
Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?It seems it comes from the Roman name Julianus, and was the name of a pangan Roman Emperor as well as a name of saints. Sometimes meaning youthful which fits because I look like a baby
Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.I grew up in a big city in Germany. Very busy City with high buildings and no time. I lived in a flat when I was very young, a room with big windows where I’d sit and look out ot. Then we moved into the house my dad still lives in. Where houses were built in rows and more people knew each other, I’d walk home and pretend to not see them as to not have to speak to them.
Then I moved in a beautiful flat in a more busy part of the city, with a bookstore in the same building and a supermarket right down the street. My hometown is best described in the colour grey. I dont think it very pretty if I’m honest.Still its full of memories and not half as bad
Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?Talking about the one in the house. Light peach coloured walls. Small but with big windows to look out of. An old wooden bed in front of one Window, and even older Closet next to the door, already so old that it had been ancient when my dad had been young. A desk in one corner at the other side of the room, above it shelves filled with books, little trinkets on the windowsills. Cabinets filled with paper full of secrets. Posters on the Walls and a round mirror that I hated looking into when I was young.
Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  God no. I have repressed most of my younger years. My teenage years were filled with confusion and self doubt. I was a mess, I hated myself, not knowing who I was. And then knowing but being shamed for it, hiding away and keeping my head low to survive. Pushing myself to the limits and clinging to the thought that I could escape at age 18
Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.My Mother and I are not on good terms. I’ve spend countless of years desperately attempting to please her, hoping for love or anything close to it. I was constantly let down by her. My mother is someone that I fear I’ll never understand, adapting to the men that she is with. Claiming to have reached compassion and selflessness while being the opposite. Acts childish and has never accepted or supported me. Now attempts to lure in my sister whom I fear for as she’s always wanted my mother to love her. I have estranged from her very much and currently I am happy seeing her as less as possible.
Onions: Tell about your dad.  I remember my father as a very autocratic person in my youth. He’d always work and would only be home to cast judgement. We did not get along well, and my mother, like grima wormtongue, had influenced me further into seeing him as a terrible person. Now I see him very differently. In fact I am similar to my father. Hard working, well spoken and crafty. We share a similar humor and I am very thankful for his support over the last year. To me my father is a very good example of how sometimes people can actually change, sometimes second chances will not disappoint you. My father cares very much about our family and I am happy to have gotten close to him again.
Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.I won’t lose many words about my mother’s parents as there isn’t much to say about them.My mothers father was always sick, more often because he believed he was. The years before he died it had only gotten worse. My Grandmother was never really happy in that relationship, something I believe she handed down to my mother.
My fathers parentsWell, when I was young it was difficult, they aren’t exactly children people, despite trying. I especially had my difficulties with my grandmother, who was work above everything and wanted everything to be perfect.I remember her always fixing my clothing. Countless of instances of her and my dad arguing.
When I got older we had barely any contract until I had my coming out to my dad, who told my grandparents. Much to my surprise and I still respect that so much, they were immediately supportive and accepting, perhaps even more than anyone else from my family.
In the last year we grew closer. They helped me with my flat and would come over to set up a few things. I took them to a restaurant that my grandfather would always talk about whenever we talked, happily.
My grandmother and I had phone calls at least once a week, she was also the most interested in my apprenticeship, always curious, sending me old magazines and ideas she had. As well as button ups and shirts she had bought for me or old ones from my grandfather.She offered me support when we talked, told me they’d do anything they could
When my sister and I were getting clothing for my grandpa, as he was saying with us, I found a book on my grandmother’s bedside table.It was an educational oneIn it was also an article she had cut out of a newspaper, the title saying how the support of the family is the most important thing to lgbt children.
I miss my grandmother
Peony: What was your first job?I worked a summer at my mothers workplace. Cleaning watches and watch straps, replacing small things on the straps
Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?We met 2014 on a cosplay convention in the city I grew up in. We met on the first day of that, where we all hung out in a group and then he and Charlotte spend the next day w us as well.
Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?I bottle it up, focus on something that keeps me busy. Sometimes other people’s pain or doing things for them. Distraction from thoughts really. I’m best when I’m busy
Pink: Where is home?If you’d asked me a couple of months ago my answer would’ve been easy and quick. But now phew, I mean I call my place home as in “I’m going home” and I call my dads place home as in “I was home over the holidays”
But I’m not sure, not really
Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?I could go endlessly both about important historical events and tragedies as well as personal mishaps and bad choices. But eventually I actually think this is too big of a question to answer like this. I’m generally better in speech than word when it comes to things like that
Primrose: Describe your ideal life.Steady. As in a job that I like, that provides me with enough money to survive well. Not to worry about everything. Having Dogs, as that I something I always wanted. Living somewhere in the city (always dreamed of a Fachwerk House but yeah…), with the possibility to visit my friends that I am in good contact in. Living with love and happiness. With a connection to my family still as good as now. Perhaps with someone,,,
Rose: What’s your favorite sound?I love the sound of paper, like books, pages turning, things like that. Also soft rain
Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?I’m a Class A represser. So it’d probably be many things centered abt my mother.
Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  I want my semester presentation to go well tomorrow. That’s all I care abt rn
St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? It used to be harder in the past but I’ve gotten slightly better at it. I’m still struggling with feeling but it’s a work in progress.
Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?My Friends and Family, cheesy I know but over the last year I’ve become more set in that. Once more I noticed how much strength those can give you. And also noticed how important they are to me by the way things that happen hurt me
Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?7 hours, couldn’t fall asleep at first but that’s usually my minimum of sleep
Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?School. I have a timed, strict schedule thanks to that and it forces me to get up until a certain time in the morning. That helps a lot actually
Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?I’m still in an apprenticeship but I enjoy it a lot
Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?I have a new pair of shoes that are so beautiful I wish I had the look and body and style to wear them day to day. Also got some cool button ups
Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.Look at this and you’ll see first hand https://www.pinterest.de/Gayneral/
I’m sorry I’m bad at desctibing my aesthetic. It’s like, historical stuff, museums, snowey Fachwerk, religious themed things, bee themed things, watches…
Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?My semester project is due to two and a half weeks and I’m super nervous about finishing it like boooooy
Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?Sadly I’ve been super busy recently so I’ve only been able to read a tiny bit in my holidays, Acht Nacht by Sebastian Fitzek
Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?Still in school, doing good, and enjoying it
Still having a good relationship w my father, my sister and that whole family
Still good with my friends, hopefully seeing them more often
(maybe in a relationship pls don’t @ me)
Generally happy, not having to worry too much
Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?Thanks to tumblr I do, and I hate it
Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.I take my school very seriously. And I have zero tolerance for those in our school that don’t.
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badfey · 7 years
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I have a friend with an eating disorder and you seem to know a lot about it. and i don't know anything! so i'm wondering • how do you know so much, do you or a friend have one? • how can i support and help my friend through it. (he also has anxiety and depression so if you have any tips on them you could chuck them in) i know your not a professional but i want to know your personal tips on how you would (or currently do idk) support a friend thank you :))
hi, i myself have been through minor eating problems, but luckily its never spiralled or become a disorder of its own. most of the people im closest to have had EDs, so i do know a lot about supporting them through it. this message is kinda more tailored to EDs, but if u want more advice on the other stuff just shoot another ask bc i have a lot of experience w that too 
 i’ll preface this by saying that just as every person is unique, so will be their relation with their disorder. here are some ways you can help [under the cut because this got long] 
TW: eating disorders, food, self harm, mental illness
getting help: 
if your friend has an eating disorder, they need help. EDs are practically impossible to overcome on your own, and the longer someone goes without treatment, the harder it is to recover. without help, EDs have a very low survival rate 
 if theyre already getting help for anxiety/depression, they should tell the therapist and get help that way. 
 if theyre on a waiting list (or not receiving any help at all) they should tell their gp, and bc of the seriousness of EDs they will be seen faster 
 if theyre not ready to get treatment, you gotta gently but persistently encourage them to get professional help. in some situations, u might have to tell someone on their behalf, but i would say to avoid that or at least do it with open communication so they can still trust u after. denial is a Huge part of EDs, so u have to help them push past that 
 when they first start getting ed help, it will feel like therapists and doctors suddenly dont care about their mental well-being as long as theyre eating. if this is the case, they need to tell their therapist. hopefully their therapist listens, but if not then it could be an idea to carry on ed treatment w them, and see a different person abt the rest 
 recovery only really makes a difference when u stop fighting it. when u stop doing exercises in ur room, when u stop secretly tracking calories, when u stop only pretending to follow your therapy plan 
 supporting them 
 theyre gonna need u as a friend a lot in this time. if you can be someone they can depend on, thats the best thing. however, dont put their needs before ur own: u are just as important too 
talk to them ! like when uve got depression, its easy to want to isolate urself. let me tell u, that gets u nowhere except miserable. just keep talking to them and stuff. sometimes its really important to be able to vent and talk out the big issues. other times its better to talk about light and unimportant things. i think this is the most important one 
validate their struggles. this is v important because even tho u want to show them how life does get better, theyre going through genuine hell right now, so just pointing out that it gets better feels like ur ignoring how bad they have it 
lead by example. do u struggle w body image? ya me too, but im working on it. work on it openly: promoting self love will help u both tremendously 
here is a v good list of things to avoid 
remember tht recovery is long hard and painful, but completely necessary. at the start of getting help, coping becomes really hard bc control gets taken away, and it seems like their entire life starts to revolve around food. it gets easier with time 
recovery blogs r ur best friend!!!!!!!!! for both of u. they offer support and advice and constant insight into how u can be there for ppl, or urself. block thinspo blogs. they can rot.  here are some good recovery blogs
 find out what they like and dislike. and triggers. if they dont like people commenting on what they eat, always move the subject away from that if others start to talk. same w anything that makes them uncomfortable 
encourage recovery. they will probably be constantly cold weak miserable and irrationally guilty, but recovery can change that. sometimes its important to remember just how bad being ill feels in order to keep choosing recovery (same goes for any mental illness)
 things to remember (important for everyone to know, not just those supporting people) 
 an eating disorder is a mental illness, not a body type. any person of any shape can have an ED, they dont have to look a certain way for their struggles to be valid 
 an ED is a mental illness that affects the persons relationship w food. this means there are many different eating disorders, and none of them are more valid than another. not everyone restricts, not everyone purges, not everyone binges 
some people develop food issues as a form of control: when everything else in your life is beyond you, its one thing people can control. until it begins to control them. this is why giving up control to start recovery can be so hard 
for some people it’s body image issues. for some people its control (as said above). for some people its a way to self harm. for lots of people its any combination of the above 
 thats about all ive got right now, hopefully this is what you were after. if you dont feel confident in supporting them, keep asking people for advice. get your own chain of support (u cant support someone well unless u have people u can trust and confide in). follow recovery blogs. theyre honestly the best, and provide a better and more detailed insight than ive been able to. supporting people through things this huge is hard, and ur a good friend for trying.
 its a learning process, and youll get better at it. thats why looking for other peoples advice is so important: it helps u improve. the first time i tried to help someone through an ED, i was 14 and with problems of my own, so i wasnt a good support at all, and i had no idea what to do. you’ll be better than i was (already seeking experienced advice shows this), and as long as you care youll be fine. your friend will be okay too, in time 
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slythyrin · 7 years
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gallagher girls headcanons and the ones that matter pt. II bc the last one got hella notes
-ok so at the beginning even tho the school is hella progressive they still didnt have sex ed OBVIOUSLY. so quite a few decades later, a few students make slumber parties where they try to learn abt everything. few more decades and it becomes a monthly tradicion for the current headmistress to join the girls per year to have a sex ed class
-ally carter really wants me to believe that no group of girls in the entire gallagher girls history tried to make a girlgroup?? like i feel sorry for the teacher in the 90s cause THE AMOUNT OF SPICE GIRLS COVER BANDS YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE
-(its been a while since i’ve read gallagher girls so my memory is quite flawed so some of these may be impossible or even already happened so have patience with me)
-cammie took a year off to go to college and work at a coffee shop and have a little apartment and be normal. her mother was worried so joe decided to do the same thing and keep an eye out for cammie. they lived a whole year where everything was normal because they both really needed it.
-the SCANDAL that the girls made when trump won....yall cant imagine
-liz sutton, a know south korean™
-liz studied in a spy school and sometimes yall forget that!!! it’s not that she cant do physical/tough stuff, is that she doesnt want to. the girls meet and have a mission together somewhere in time and bex, cammie and macey are trapped and liz comes to the rescue, kicking ass and being the hero she is
-bex loves and praises every black woman in media and no adam beyonce is not promiscuous shut your damn mouth
-cammie went throught a secret twilight fase fight me on this
-look the straights are going to be rela mad at me if i dont let them have cammie...,.but lowkey cammie morgan, a certified lesbian......
-cammie and macey have made out MULTIPLE times okay.....
-of course blackthorne is mostly gays™, but they are have the straight white boy syndrome. they will literally kiss each other and say no homo. but when they meet the girls from the gallagher school they all kinda let loose and realise sexuality has nothing to do with being a man and that they can be feminine and tough and basically they were all pretty annoying but they’re learning
-not to be predictable but jonas and grant are boyfriends
-liz and jonas go to paredes together
-this one is kinda in the air but i cant elp but see zach as mexican?? like i can totally imagine him cursing in spanish or switching to spanish whenever he’s nervous or sleepy
-cammie talks in her sleep but never in english
-macey likes to work in the middle of politicians and etc plus she can be near her father but she switches after trump is president
-she also stops using the codename peacock since if she’s ever in a mission where people who use to protect her are involved they could deduce it’s her
-idk what’s the spy rule for tattoos but the girls have matching ‘gg’ tattoos
-the school has like hound dogs and sharks  and snakes to protect it but all the girls treat them as if they’re puppies
-bex and maceys favorite thing to do is to go to bars and act all naive and then whenever some guy asks to buy them a drink they go ‘if you can win me in arm wrestling you can, if not, you give me 50 bucks’. they always win and leave with like 300 bucks
-the girls have a groupchat but is mostly liz and cammie sending memes
-http://slythyrin.tumblr.com/post/157572171391/hotsoccergirl1234-probably-around-15-times-a THIS IS MACEY IN THE GROUPCHAT
-liz gets the chance to go to space at some point. bex packs her basic things and when she’s up there she finds a ‘marry me’ note on her toothbrush (look i dont know how space trave works ok just go with it its cute as hell)
-tho zach grows a lot as a person after everything he still has difficulty in making friends so for his bachelor party he just invites grant and jonas for some drinks but the girls (minus cammie)surprise him and he cries
-IN THAT NOTE, zach is so protective of the girls like he knows they can kick his ass but he cant help it
-zach is SO emotional. cries everytime one of his friends achieve something they really wanted. love them so much. cant go on rollercoasters for shit. is such a softie.
-'tell the whole world you love me bro’ ‘*whispers in your ear* i love you bro’ ‘bro whyd you whisper’ ‘because you’re my world’ ’bro’ ’bro’ MACEY AND ZACH AS FUCK
(sorry for any mispelling i just really cant be bothered to check lmao)
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strangeandromeda · 6 years
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some rly random ed recovery tipsiezzz!!
uh yeahh, mainly towards thoughts, ”milder” cases - like me, i struggle with mild anorexia and mild asf bingeing, but mainly i have A LOT of anxieties and thoughts and weird behavior around food and exercise - aka whether you’ve lost/gained a lot of weight or not, your struggle is valid. in all cases.
uhh idk this ain’t universal just some shit that worked for me
- makeup is fun. find that point of joy of looking in the mirror - instead of using makeup to look ”better”, use it to find a new way of looking at urself in the mirror. some youtubers/ppl i like: evelina forsell, linda hallberg, itslikelymakeup, klaire de lys, sammiespeaks, sherliza moe, um yeah.
- another one for trying to love yourself and your own image - get some cute ass lingerie. honestly. i’m having great troubles seeing my own naked body in the mirror, but if i’m wearing a black lacy bralette? i don’t have time to hate my stomach or smth.
- no but basic self care, actually seeing your body as something that deserves time, is great. showers, moisturizers, painting ur nails, that shit.
- recognize your triggers. learn what your triggers are. not everyone is triggered by thinspo pictures. some of my biggest triggers are people complimenting my body and newspaper articles about healthy eating. learning your triggers can help you avoid them, sure, but remember that you will never be able to completly avoid all your triggers. u gotta learn to work around them. which is hard and idk how. also, understanding your triggers help you understanding where your illness came from.
- work on not caring about what people think. this will probably take years. but it’s needed. it surely is. and i mean not only in regards of how your body looks, but also other things. what films you like. what makeup you wear. what clothes you wear. what food you eat. i think fake it ’til you make it is a great place to begin here.
- friends are great n helpful, if u have close friends u care abt n u know they care abt u - talk to them. tell them how you feel. show your inside hurt through words, u don’t have to show it through your body. talking to my best friend, who also suffers from anorexia though, had helped me a lot. it has helped her too. but!!!!! don’t talk to friends if you’re not sure they will listen or understand or if they actually care!!!!! mistake i’ve made. it’s horrible.
- therapy is kinda good too, no but honestly if u have the money go to it. my therapist didn’t help me at all, but even that experience - that the state can’t fix everything - helped me too. i’ll try going to another one too, esp since it’s free where i live, and i know friends who has had great experiences.
- helping ppl is something that is kinda good - it helps you see the worth in yourslef and the changes u can make in the world. however!!!! if u are a ”giver”, like me, and you give yourself and all your energy in pieces to literally every one you get to know and like you want to help and heal everyone - you will get exhausted. u need people who give YOU energy too. people who are there for you in return, people that actually care for you. srsly.
- working out is not something u generally should do, however for me, as an over-exerciser it was impossible to just stop and well, baby steps is the way to go, so i do yoga. it’s also nice and calming. idk can also easily turn into an obsession but i couldn’t survive without it, honestly. keeps me somewhat sane, a healthier way to cope.
- baking us hella fun. also a great way to practice being close to The Scary Stuff, aka the food. it is a lot of fun.
- saying yes to shit. live a little. doing stuff will make u feel strong and powerful and the universe will send u people and stuff and you will have fun and live a life. trust me. it’s great. scary, awkward, tiring, weird, hard, but hella worth it.
- yt vids are fun to watch and help me calm down. find aesthetic cute channels with calming voices.
- sleep a little less. be wild. experience the world see the beauty. even if it’s just on the internet. have some fun.
- hang out w friends. they (if they good n worthy of being ur friend) will help u forget anxious thoughts, u will ahve some fun and feel supported.
- acknowledge dont ignore the thoughts. !!. ur thoughts about food and weight will always be there for you. you won’t always be strong enough to aggressively ignore them. ignoring them takes energy. learn to live with them. think the thoughts u have from start to finish, feel the little ting of anxiety in your stomach, and move on with your life. it’s just a thought. it’s there, yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s true or that you have to act as it tells you to. if it feels easier, tell someone that u are having a Thought.
- recognize others behaviour and help them!! so many people struggle with, if eating disorders, disordered eating - aka general undiagnosed anxiety around eating. u are a pro at ed’s, so recognize these behaviors, and if they are a close friend, talk to them qbout it - or just about how their life has been lately, if there is anything bothering them, talk about toxic beauty standards, etc etc. use your power of ed knowledge to stop it from spreading.
- recognize other compulsive issues in urself. behaviors might come back as other unhealthy coping mechanisms - try seeing if you’re starting to do something else that is harmful instead of controlling just your food intake.
- it will take years.
- fiction bitch fiction. escapism. podcasts, books, films. hide from the real world and it’s horrors, find strength and inspiration in the characters.
it’s gonna be great. i believe in u.
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