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#if i am feeling exceptionally brave
waywardblazer · 6 months
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Centuries
Klaus Mikaelson x Reader
Warning(s): Fluff, angst…but mostly fluff
Word count: 1.1k
Summary/Prompt: Hours before the curse is broken, you briefly bump into the infamous Klaus Mikaelson for the first time but you see something inside of him that’s unexpected.
A/N: Should there be a pt.2 where y/n reunites with Klaus??? 🤔
⋆ ━━━━━━━ ༺❀༻ ━━━━━━━━ ⋆
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Tonight was the full moon.
That meant that it was the night that Klaus would finally be able to break the curse. The curse that binded his werewolf side and stopped him from becoming a true hybrid.
Despite everyone’s attempts, there seemed to be no way around it.
Stefan had taken Elena away for the rest of the day after Damon force fed her his blood. You had also heard about Tyler rolling back into town meaning that Klaus would have everything he needed. The ritual was going to happen regardless of what anyone wanted.
In the Salvatore mansion, Elijah had just gone over the plan once more to ensure that it would work. You were there simply so he could be certain.
“If the plan does not succeed, my brother will become The Original Hybrid by the time the full moon completes its final phase.” Elijah informed, his gaze moving from you, down to where he was fixing the cuff of his sleeve.
You gave him a small nod. “It’ll work Elijah. I…I know it will.” You attempted to reassure him, but the uncertainty in your voice betrayed you. He studied you for a moment before exiting the room. You watched him leave, sighing quietly to yourself.
Much to The Salvatore’s dismay, you found the existence of the Originals to be rather intriguing and had spent the better part of the last month or so getting to know more about them. By them, you meant Elijah, since he had been the only Original the gang had encountered. That was not including Klaus when he had been in Alaric’s body. In return for your curiosity, Elijah seemed to have grown fond of you.
Right now however, you weren’t of any help to anyone. You needed to get out.
Even though the mansion was exceptionally large you felt too pent up. So you headed off to the lake. At least there you could have a brief moment to think alone.
It wasn’t far, so once you made it you took a seat on the bench, staring out at the lake as the afternoon sun slowly made its descent over the horizon. The remaining light seemed to bounce off the water’s surface, making it look as if it shimmered.
“Is this where you go to get away from the Salvatores?” An strangely familiar voice spoke from behind.
You stumbled off the bench with a gasp and spun around on your heels only to come face to face with a rather tall man. Your breath hitched and fear immediately swept through your body the second you realised who it was.
“Klaus.” You breathed out, taking a nervous step backwards.
“Relax, love, I am not of any threat to you.” He reassured with a gentle grin, hands raised briefly in surrender. “I am simply savouring the last moments before I become my true self.”
You watched him wearily. Part of you wanted to run, but you dreaded what he might do if you tried.
Klaus’ grin seemed to fade. He couldn’t just see the fear in your eyes but he could also hear your heart as it pounded within your chest. He dipped his head and stepped away, creating some distance between you both.
“It’s a beautiful sunset, wouldn’t you agree?” He asked in an attempt to spark some sort of conversation to break the tension.
Looking up, you couldn’t disagree that the mixture of red, orange and purple colours that lit up the sky was beautiful.
“Yeah…it is.” You mumbled quietly.
Klaus smiled to himself as you continued to study him from where you stood. He could feel your eyes on him.
He remained silent for a good few moments before letting out a sigh. “I know you think you should be scared of me, but I assure you that you do not.”
“You want to hurt the people I care about so I think I have every right to be afraid.” You reminded him, bravely holding his gaze. You were surprised when he nodded in agreement.
“Fair point.” He replied. Then carefully took a seat on the bench. His gaze shifted to the ground momentarily before returning back up to you. “Y/N, if…there was another way—” He began but faltered in finishing what he wanted to say.
Your brows creased slightly as you searched his eyes. Eyes that remained on you. There was some sort of emotion hidden behind those centuries old eyes that you wouldn’t have imagined possible to find in the proclaimed evil Klaus Mikaelson.
It was Pain. Deeply rooted pain.
You didn’t know his story and yet it broke your heart to see such pain in someone’s eyes.
It made you wonder whether there was more to him than just how everyone portrayed him. That being known worldwide to be a ruthless mass murder, a monster and big bad wolf with no remorse was simply a facade to hide the concealed truth that maybe, just maybe he had a heart.
Turning to look back out at the lake, you realised that you had finally let your body relax. You knew he wasn’t going to hurt you. He had no need too. You mustered up the courage to sit down beside him. With a quiet sigh, you looked up at him. There were no words needed to be exchanged. You both just sat in a strangely comfortable silence.
As the night arrived, a chill filled the air. You shivered.
“You’re cold, love.” Klaus softly noted, a gentle frown of concern passing across his face.
You huffed out a quiet chuckle. “I’m alright.” You insisted. The way he called you love had your stomach fluttering in a way that made you mentally scold yourself.
Klaus didn’t seem to take that as an answer because he took off his jacket, gently wrapping it around your shoulders. He gave you a gentle smile, his eyes appeared to sparkle under the moonlight.
Your heart skipped a beat and your breath caught in your throat as you met his gaze. “Thank you Klaus.” You managed to whisper, pulling his coat around yourself for extra warmth.
He dipped his head. “Of course, love.” He uttered in a gentle tone before he stood up.
You tilted your head in confusion before spotting the moon high up in the sky. You looked back at him. You knew exactly where he was going.
“It’s time, isn’t it?”
The soon to be hybrid nodded. “It is.”
You let out a deep sigh. There was absolutely no way you could stop him and…you didn’t really want to anyway. No one should be denied a part of themselves.
“Go.” You said.
Only for a split second but long enough for you to see, he hesitated. Like he was reconsidering. But the urge to take back what was lost outweighed anything else.
“Goodbye, Y/N.” He murmured, “Hopefully we’ll meet again under better circumstances.”
He then vamp sped off with a whoosh, disappearing in a blink of an eye leaving you alone under the light of the full moon.
“Bye, Klaus.” You whispered. “And…good luck.”
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fumifooms · 12 days
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Speaking of extras: is Chilchuck "I am a coward!" Tims so brave, or greedy, or dedicated, or simply bad-ass to go to deeper levels of the dungeon whilst other half-foots wouldn't go further third level?
I think it’s a bit of everything, and none of it at the same time? Alright so the relevant pages:
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Chilchuck has a high salary, but yes it’s because he has expertise at his job and the risk is high where they’re going. It’s not unlike in real life, where jobs who have a higher risk of getting hurt or such will tend to pay better specifically because of that risk. Tbf we know his rate is set for by the amount of days and paid in advance, but beyond that we don’t know if he charges higher the deeper the floor or if it’s all mostly equal, but regardless we see that he goes above and beyond in his work. His prices are high but if he’s overpricing is debatable is what I’m saying. Brave, greedy, dedicated… They all assign it too much will and moral intent I think, I think it’d be more accurate to say that he’s a guy with a job and that’s his living, he wants an amount of money that’ll make the work he does worth it and profitable. He’s experienced enough, and resurrections and healing are possible, that the risk feels manageable, so not as brave as it is confident and like taking on a favorable gamble. Not as greedy as it is that he needs money like anyone else and he knows the worth of his job, what amount will make him willingly put his life and time on the line. Not as dedicated as it is again having experience and needing a job, but yes that he’s willing to go fourth level or lower is very telling!
I wonder how much he’s explored the dungeon before… Between him arriving on the island and him getting into Laios’ party was two years, so yes he probably has explored this specific dungeon a bunch in that time inbetween setting up the half-foot guild. Just makes me wonder, because between him joining Laios’ party at 26 and canon that’s 3 years… Did he hop from party to party before Laios’ party? What’s different with Laios’ party is the question then isn’t it. And it’s something easily forgotten just how capable of a party they are! They fight dragons, they go down to floors that are seen as dangerous and pretty advanced, which makes them able to find more treasure and a decent payout if everyone was able to get their salary before Falin got eaten and they exceptionally lost their stuff, which then if Chilchuck’s salary is what other parties couldn’t keep up with makes sense that he could stick with Laios’ party. They’re quite the unique party
I love his slouching stance while being introduced… Guy has a tough facade to intimidate employers into respecting him and his terms… Ineffective on the Toudens, what a friendly guy In these pages it gives the feeling that he’s a big shot, rather than a more or less disliked union leader hah, it makes it feel lucky that Laios’ party got him on board
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byakkomaruu · 1 year
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hi yes i am here to give my testimony.
brahms heelshire is a sub-leaning switch.
he follows commands really well, looks up at you with big puppy eyes behind his porcelain mask. he'll beg and plead to you to do something to him-- the words don't often come to him, but he would indeed enjoy damn near anything you did to him. give him what he wants and he's yours to do whatever you please. he has even asked you to use him some nights: take what you need from him to get yourself off. he eats it up, believe me, just listen to his whimpers and whines that are muffled under his porcelain face.
on days when he is exceptionally bratty and stubborn, ignore him. it doesn't take long at all for him to come crawling back to you. he isn't going to be completely obedient these days, though. tell him to sit still and take what you give, and he'll resist until he is put back in his place. if you can give him exactly what he wants, he crumbles in a heartbeat and returns to the man who cries out, "please," in a broken voice.
and on days when he fights back, he'll take whatever the fuck he wants. thankfully, he is a lot more gentle than he used to be. when he was first revealed, he was very greedy, primal even. over time, his quick snatches and iron grip turned soft and sweet. he now understands how to treat the person who is offering everything of theirs to him-- life included. brahms does still get that adrenaline surging through his veins when he sees you beneath him, pleading for mercy, though he would only hurt you like that again if you told him to. when his eyes widen like saucers and the light leaves them, know that you're not leaving him without a bruise or two, maybe even a few bite marks if he was feeling brave enough to remove the mask.
once every blue moon, brahms will hide himself in the walls, watching your every move. he will only emerge from his hiding place to take you away from whatever you were doing-- some task he finds tedious or boring like laundry or cleaning --to fuck you against the nearest flat surface, only to disappear and watch you from the gaps in the walls once again. there have been a few close calls with this, though: he has proved to be a great distraction while you're cooking, and you've burned a meal or two while your watchful eyes were pried away by brahms.
and yes, he will occasionally do something like this when malcolm is at play. he hates that man with a burning passion, all because he takes your attention away. brahms is very possessive of what he views as his. if he calls, brahms is quick to distract you any way he can. the second malcolm leaves the manor, you'll often hear stomping and banging from the walls. don't run from brahms, you'll only be delaying the inevitable. or do run from him. he likes the chase.
he doesn't take kindly to teasing of any sort. whether you're putting on a show for him or edging him, he doesn't like it. expect him to put up a valiant fight if you want to toy with him. you'd have to restrain him if you want him to cooperate, but if he breaks free, don't expect a gentle approach.
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drabbleitout · 2 months
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OC In Fifteen
Tagged by @kaiusvnoir in this really neat game I haven't seen. Thank's my dude! Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!
Doing this for Garnet
"A meeting? With computers? Talk about could have been an email."
2. "Yeah, up yours, buddy. I am king of the Pittsburgh left!"
3. "So, what's the story on the HUD vasectomy?"
4. "Hey, how good's your insurance?"
5. "You got, uh, you uh, you got a girlfriend? You got a boyfriend? You gotta they/them? Do they know how to fight –answer quickly. Asking for a friend."
6. "Lieutenant's line –you like it rough, I've got the cuffs."
7. “You’re being super brave about this, bud. I’m proud of you.”
8. "I don't even know what you're trying to say, but it sounds like your breath stinks really bad."
9. “Oh, yeah! I agree with you. In fact, that’s why they don't usually call me out to these kinda things. Because I’ve got really shitty diplomatic skills. But see, that’s Officer Beau's job, and he does it exceptionally well. But we gotta problem when someone disrespects him and doesn’t let him do his job. Because then I gotta come out here and –believe me– no one wants that."
10. "Coño!"
11.  "Let's get it, Shitbox. Either way, give'em hell."
12. "I made a choice to go out there. My whole job is to make a difference. And I didn't make shit of a difference! Okay?!"
13. "Ooh, they always say that when they're guilty,"
14. “What an Orient Express clusterfuck.”
15. "What? I'm not gonna lie about it. I didn't hit him though. I never hit him. I threw him around a bit, but I didn't hit him –And I wanted to."
tagging: @sleepy-night-child, @ashen-crest, @abalonetea, @artdecosupernova-writing, @pertinax--loculos, @ratracechronicler, @concealeddarkness13 and anyone else who woud like to join. As always, please don't feel pressured or rushed!
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i-am-a-l0st-gh0st · 7 months
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★Masterlist★
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- Albedo
Underneath the Stars- "I heard you talking in your sleep."-\
Brainrot- Fluff
-Scara
im scum, im waste, im what you want- 'I thought I told you not to smile at other men.'
Part 2
Part 3
What am I gonna do- "Why are you asking me such stupid questions?"
Hold me closer and I'll hold back- "Same old heart with the same old tricks, hold me closer and I’ll hold back"
He says everything I need to hear- And its like i couldn't ask for anything better
If im dead to you why are at the wake?- Cursing my name, wishing I'd stayed
-Alhaitham
A soulmate who wasn't meant to be- 'Was our relationship just a joke to you...?'
All the stars aligned- "And what name should I put?"
When I'm not with you think of me always- "Everything is alright just hold on tight, that's because I'm a god old fashioned lover boy"
In front of all your stupid friends- "If you kissed me would it be just like i dreamed?"
Brainrot
When I'd fight you used to tell me I was brave- “Cause I loved you, I swear I love you… Till my dying day…”
-Kaeya
One last time- 'Can you just kiss me? One last time? That's all I ask...'
I'll do anything you ask of me- My fingers pressed until their sore
-Tighnari
Wandering in the woods- "It's alright Collei, they should be okay. You did good."
-Xiao
Falling asleep on him- 'He was rarely shown affection and was very unsure what do to when he received it.'
Drunk under a street light- "But I knew you, dancing in your Levis drunk under a street light"-
You said you love me exactly the way I am- "Guess I must be satisfactory you said you love me exactly the way I am"
Show me how you care- Show me how you smile
Meet me at our spot- Baby, are you coming for the ride?
Childe
In your arms tonight-. 'You hadn't been hugged by anyone like this in years, so of course some tears were shed.'
Hey I miss your stupid face- Get back to my place, I need you. It hurts so much to wait
I never meant to hurt you though- I pushed a lot back but I can't forget it
Neuvillette
But I didn't need to be stronger I needed to be saved- You wanted nothing more than to hold him
And that's why I love fall- I love you y/n don't you forget that
With eyes as dead as mine- "Oh, what a blessing to meet someone like you."
Could you ever imagine where our lives could be- Luckily you saw something in me, something I couldn’t see
Ayato
But now he's playing with your head- "God will you stop being so clingy!"
They never know what you know- "It's not that simple but they won't seem to notice"
All the leaves are brown- And the sky is grey
Kaveh
All this over a kiss- "You're Y/N, my Fiance!"
Clung on tightly, like parentheses- "And every sentence that a spoke began and ended with ellipsis"
I wanna be your favourite boy- "I wanna be the one who makes your day, the one you think about as you lie awake"
Why don't you love me anymore?- But you say I don't know how to love
Lyney
I don't know what to do without you- "Please, I'm still the same lyney you fell in love with"
Please hold me close to you- Baby flatline still time to do it too
And i thought you might be mine- In a small world, on an exceptionally rainy Tuesday night
Feeling sick of myself- Guess I'll try to be someone else (trans masc reader)
The breathing exercises hurt- They don't do fuck all
Wriothesley
Yeah, you made it all alright- Those words were for you and for you alone
Why do I myself dream like this?- "But perhaps its just my stupid hea in the end
We fell in love in October- That's why I love fall
They say it's such a shame, I turned out this way- "The red means I love you."
We listen to a lot of true crime- But it's alright, she'll be fine
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Breaking my back just know your name- Well, some body told me, that you have a boyfriend.
Make sure nobody sees you leave- Tell your friends you're out for a run
Heizou
I can't stop you putting roots in my dream land- Despite being a detective many things about you were still a mystery that he could never figure out.
Thoma
Sweet tea in the summer- "Sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won't tell no other"
You know i wanna be your light- In darkness, How you find me just in time to tell me what I needed to hear.
Kazuha
I don't deserve you, you deserve the world- Every time that i miss you I feel the way you hurt
Diluc
Oh what a blessing to meet someone like you- "With eyes as dead as mine"
Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away- When you get out of bed don't end up stranded
It's always been just him and me together- So I'll bet all I have on that
Multi
Coming out as Non-binary
Gaming
If you're lost you can look and find me- Time after Time
Arlecchino
Date rambles-
My kinda girl- Im down on my hands and knees begging you please baby
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aroaceconfessions · 11 months
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I'm not sure if what I want to confess is more about a-spectrum or neurodivergent maybe but it's about feeling things in a different way than the rest of your surroundings - so maybe some other Aro and Aces would relate?
My memories of reacting "different than normal" begin early:
- as a preschool kid when I was told that I "look pretty" - my reaction was: cry. Maybe I was just a bashfull child not knowing how to deal with a compliment but my mom always thought it was unusual.
- in my primaly school whenever I've been called "brave" after having a shot, vaccine or blood sample taken - my reaction was: feeling confused and kind of humiliated. It got to be clear: the feeling was not caused by having injection itself - but by those words that were meant to be a compliment. Why? At that time I was one of the very few children never crying of fear before vaccination but I thought that everyone else was reacting stupidly (what was the point of crying? they could not avoid the vaccine anyway!). But in my head it was them who were weird, I was normal, obviously: a mature and reasonable little person among those unrationally behaving kids. And now adults talking down to me and making a fuss over my "bravery" when I was just being normal - felt like rejecting my rationality and maturity! By them I was assumed to be just another unreasonable child who only exceptionally behaved the right way. Also if I was told "it won't hurt at all" before injection - it felt wrong as well: I took really a lot of shots (treating my otitis as 3 yo) and I've been perfectly aware of that it DOES hurt but in bearable way - so why must you lie to me?! Just do what you have to and let me go, don't treat me like an idiot!
- years later, in my early 20's - when I noticed my peers getting excited about hot stuff and sex topic I felt the same as with injections: I am that rare reasonable, grown up and seriously behaving person surrounded by overreacting immature youth. I got interested in sexual stuff myself too,  but unlike others - I felt like it's nothing to joke at and like nothing I ever wanted to talk about with anyone. My interest in sex gradually became some kind of passion - but it was strictly theoretical and never attached to any particular person around me. Now I already studied scientific stuff about it as well as movies and pictures for years - and whenever I hear anyone using a word "virgin" or insinuations that someone who never had sex therefore is naive and unexperienced - I get that feeling of being humilated: like rejecting my knowledge and maturity all over again! Just because I never done it myself doesn't mean others know more about it than me!
- I know I'm aro-ace cause I never enjoyed anyone touching me in the sexual way or using too much diminutives when talking to me. Just thinking about it makes me feel confused again - as if I was mistaken for somebody else. Sorry, I am independent adult person, not to be used as a sex toy nor be treated like a child - talk to me, treat my body serious, don't underestimate me!
- I feel less uncomfortable thinking about pain. Like when I use electric depilator to remove my legs hairs - it feels satisfying and almost pleasurous. When I went to the spa once with my friend - I could not force myself to take a massage (I hate being tickled so much I might reflexively hit someone in defence). Yet I enjoyed having a body peeling very much. I guess I'd rather like to be scratched than caressed. I sometimes wonder if maybe I would potentially enjoy BDSM instead of sex?
Is anyone else of you Aro and Ace people feeling so confused about others misinterpreting your attitude? Like about diminishing your actions as exeptional and not treating you, your words and your knowledge seriously enough?
Submitted May 3, 2023
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babyspacebatclone · 10 months
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Ok, just back from the live action The Little Mermaid.
And may I confidently say?
Best live-action Disney adaptation yet.
True, a low bar to clear, but this honestly felt like a movie and a love story, and not just a cash grab.
Every single changed scene had me smiling. Eric (Jonah Hauer-King) was amazing, and Halle Bailey truly is Ariel, I want her version to become the defacto in the Disney Princesses line because she feels sweet and clever and brave above and beyond the animated version.
(No offense to Jodi Benson, I love her, but the animated version is what it was and the new Ariel is just given more room to breathe.)
I think, comparing, my child self would love the animated spectacle more…
But my adult self loves the tighter, more in depth story of the live action more.
It feels like the best kind of fan fiction, one where someone who loves the characters asks “How were they feeling here? How can I expand this?”
And gives us those glimpses.
Not perfect, but definitely enough for me to fan girl.
Speaking of which… Spoilers below the cut.
Right from the opening scene, you see this movie is taking itself and the responsibility of the story seriously. I love the development of Eric, his camaraderie with the sailors while also being a good mix of level headed (don’t just harpoon mermaids) with reckless insanity (dude, you’re a prince, please don’t laugh while dangling by one arm over open water. ah, well, i love you anyway).
I can feel how much the film pulls back the special effects budget, especially making the introduction of Triton’s daughters basically a business meeting instead of the grand performance, but the filmmakers were smart enough to make the change work. I like the idea of each daughter being “manager” of a specific sea under daddy’s “CEO,” and it was a great excuse to give diversity to each sister.
Plus, I loved their banter/interaction while cleaning the shipwreck, they felt natural and I wish we could have had more time with them.
Speaking of natural!
As a writer I was listening to the exposition, and in my opinion it was exceptionally well done, especially for the amount they crammed into the beginning. Some of it was on-the-nose, but that was restricted to Grimsby, Sebastian, and Ursula, and felt character appropriate in each context.
There was an eye for why the character is saying something - “Am I supposed to tell the Queen her son died, and on his birthday?”; “A shipwreck brought you to us, and now a shipwreck almost took you away, I can’t stand this anymore!”
I didn’t fee like making Eric an adopted orphan of the royal family was necessary, but I loved both Jonah’s and Noma Dumezweni’s performances enough that I accept the filmmakers wanting to justify things and they do tie it in to Eric’s expanded character.
And that is 👌👌👌 he’s so sweet and adorkable and they manage to make his longing to see the world beyond his island mesh with Ariel’s longing for the surface world without it feeling forced.
You see them shyly come together over their shared feelings of isolation and longing for something they’ve only been able to glimpse, not experience.
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Turning the ideas that Ursula is King Triton’s sister and Ariel’s mother was killed by humans into not just canon, but pertinent plot points, was excellent.
I wish we could have known more about her mother, but can I say I’m glad it was never revealed Ursula was actually responsible? I suspected that when it was clear Ursula had been banished around the time of the death, but it works so much better than it really was just one human that traumatized King Triton, and him having to overcome his hatred of humanity as a whole despite his lose.
Ursula pulling out the “I’m your Aunt, ‘Daddy’ has hurt me so much by refusing to understand me, too” was genius.
It especially helped with the fact that Ariel was going to refuse to sacrifice her entire life (realism!!) only to give in because of her anger in a moment of spite towards her father (realism!!!), especially with seeing their relationship and knowing that Ariel’s fear of being enclosed under her father’s constant watch was probably accurate.
As a song, “For the First Time” isn’t particularly special.
Including Ariel actively doubting her decision to come to land? Brilliant.
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The entire day out and “Kiss the Girl” sequence is perfection, fight me.
Grimsby being an active shipper on deck?? 😍
I personally prefer Eric being the one to steer the ship in the climatic fight, but the detail of Ariel steering it because she’d witnessed him trying to save the ship in the beginning was nice symmetry.
The animal companions were done very well in my opinion: Scuttle was better handled than in the animation to me, Sebastian was perfect and they did a great job humanizing his design with his eyes compared to previous outings, and Flounder was - there. With Max.
Almost feel you could have cut the last two out and lost nothing except babbling to Triton at the beginning, Eric coulda saved the shipboy at the beginning…
(And yes Flounder’s “realistic” design does not improve in context, fortunately he’s on screen less than the animated characters with charisma)
I love the expansion of the prejudices on both sides; I wish it had been better explored at the end, but Queen Selina’s speech to her son about how his feelings for Ariel despite her being a “sea creature” (her initial fearful reaction) was beautiful.
Brain’s trickling down, it was an early showing, but you get the point.
It’s well worth watching the movie, and I’m up for rambling if anyone else is! 😊
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man-reading · 4 months
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2023 POLARI PRIZE SHORTLISTS CELEBRATE QUEER STORIES THAT “ENTERTAIN, ENRICH AND INSPIRE”
Memoir, non-fiction, and critically acclaimed literary fiction from a mixture of independent presses and larger publishers dominate the dynamic shortlists for this year’s Polari Prize and Polari First Book Prize, the UK’s only dedicated awards for LGBTQ+ literature.
“The quality of long-listed titles this year was so exceptionally high, a number of much-loved titles didn’t make the shortlists” said Paul Burston, founder of the prizes. “Taken together, this year’s shortlists are a powerful testament to the quality and diversity of LGBTQ+ writing in the UK and Ireland today. From dazzling debuts to writers delivering on their earlier promise and really upping their game, these are books to entertain, enrich and inspire.”
Powerful stories of resilience and resistance are the focus of this year’s Polari First Book Prize. None
of the Above by Travis Alabanza (Canongate) is an electric memoir exploring life outside the gender boundaries imposed on us by society. Edward Enninful’s A Visible Man (Bloomsbury) also makes
the list, detailing how the man behind British Vogue has built an extraordinary life; more memoir makes an appearance with It’s A Sin’s Jill Nader and her heartbreaking and eye-opening memoir, Love from the Pink Palace (Wildfire). Fiction titles spotlighted in this category are Jon Ransom’s complex and transporting The Whale Tattoo (Muswell Press) and Tom Crewe’s historical debut novel, The New Life (Chatto & Windus). Rounding up the Polari First Book Prize is Livia Kojo Alour with Rising of the Black Sheep, the only poetry title in the shortlists.
Poet Sophia Blackwell, Polari First Book Prize judge, said:
“The shortlist is full of fearless, moving and original stories. Full of insights about how the authors came to occupy their particular places in the world, they also set out hopeful, ambitious visions for the future.”
Rachel Holmes, Polari First Book Prize judge, said: “Look no further for this year’s quintessential queer bookshelf to illuminate and inspire the approaching autumn evenings, winter weekends and festive season. There’s a beautiful, brilliant read here for all the queer family. Comfortably encompassing diverse genres and multiple points of view, fledgling emerging talent and celebrated household names, this year’s shortlist bravely re-empowers the past, interprets the present, and boldly imagines the future.”
Adam Zmith, Polari First Book Prize judge, said: “The titles on the shortlist for this year’s Polari First Book Prize wrestle with history and the present moment in engaging and empathetic ways. I loved reading these books, and feeling the queer power in them and their authors’ visions.”
Karen McLeod, Polari First Book Prize judge, said: “This shortlist is dynamic, expansive, moving and truly novel (is it too late to request a box of tissues as a rider?) I am proud we have such a diverse and emotionally intelligent set of queer voices being published today.”
Queer utopias, further memoir and exquisite prose feature in the Polari Book Prize shortlist with Jack Parlett’s Fire Island (Granta), a vivid hymn to an iconic destination, being selected and poet Seán Hewitt turns his hand to memoir in All Down Darkness Wide (Jonathan Cape). A varied spread of fiction completes the shortlist with Julia Armfield’s deep sea love story Our Wives Under the Sea, Okechukwu Nzelu’s tender study of family and grief Here Again Now (Dialogue Books), Sophie Ward’s gripping thriller The Schoolhouse (Corsair) and concluding the list is Douglas Stuart’s heartbreaking Young Mungo (Picador).
Joelle Taylor, Polari Book Prize judge, said: “This year’s Polari Prize shortlist reflects the complexities of contemporary LGBT+ lives in work that is nuanced, expansive, intimate and strange. History, futurism, crime, poetic memoir, and social commentary collide to create rich narratives that rewrite us even as we read.”
VG Lee, Polari Book Prize judge, said: “We have a strong and diverse shortlist for the Polari Prize. These are books that will appeal to many. They are that odd word, “keepers”- books to return to.”
Suzi Feay, Polari Book Prize judge, said: “This year’s shortlist highlights the sheer range and power of LGBTQ+ writing across all genres. Passionate, stylish and outspoken, these are voices to haunt and seduce. Our six choices deserve the widest readership.”
Chris Gribble, Polari Book Prize judge, said: “This year’s Polari Prize shortlist lays out the joys, challenges and complexities of contemporary and historical LGBTQ+ lives in a brilliant array of fiction and non-fiction that will leave no one in any doubt that our stories are worthy of their places on every book shelf and in every library. These writers are working at the peak of their powers and if you haven’t read their work yet, you have a real treat in store.”
2023 Polari Book Prize (non-debut)
Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield (Picador)
All Down Darkness Wide by Seán Hewitt (Jonathan Cape)
Here Again Now by Okechukwu Nzelu (Dialogue Books) Fire Island by Jack Parlett (Granta Books)
Young Mungo by Douglas Stuart (Picador)
The Schoolhouse by Sophie Ward (Corsair)
2023 Polari First Book Prize
None of the Above by Travis Alabanza (Canongate Books)
Rising of the Black Sheep by Livia Kojo Alour (Polari Press)
The New Life by Tom Crewe (Chatto & Windus)
A Visible Man by Edward Enninful (Bloomsbury)
Love from the Pink Palace by Jill Nalder (Wildfire)
The Whale Tattoo by Jon Ransom (Muswell Press)
Established in 2011, The Polari First Book Prize is awarded annually to a debut book that explores the LGBTQ+ experience, and has previously been won by writers including Kirsty Logan, Amrou Al-Kadhi, Mohsin Zaidi and last year’s winner Adam Zmith, for his keenly-researched history of poppers, Deep Sniff.
Established in 2019, The Polari Book Prize awards an overall book of the year, excluding debuts, and previous winners include Andrew McMillan (Playtime), Kate Davies (In At the Deep End), Diana Souhami (No Modernism Without Lesbians) and last year’s winner Joelle Taylor for her remarkable collection C+nto & Othered Poems which explores butch lesbian counterculture in London.
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stargazer-sims · 6 months
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Epilogue (Journal Entry #62)
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Postscript (Journal Entry #61) // STORY INDEX
Victor
I have everything I've ever wanted.
Not many people can say that, and I feel exceptionally privileged to be among the lucky few.
I know we said we weren't going to use our journal any more, but earlier tonight as I was packing up for our flight home, I was struck by the feeling that I needed to record one last entry. To be honest, I haven't even thought about our journal in over six months, not since our anniversary trip to Sulani, but I remembered something Yuri said to me during our visit to the islands and I kinda wanted to share my feelings.
He asked me if I'd ever felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be in life. At the time, I’d said no. I told him I wasn't there yet because there were still things I wanted.
The funny part is, I just realized today that I'd misunderstood the question. I thought he'd been talking about tangible, definable things like good health, a nice home, a job, or the support of family. And yeah, maybe that was part of it, but what I think he really meant was something less easy to measure; confidence, self-worth, happiness, and the knowledge that we really do have an impact on the world and the people around us.
I should have said yes. Sitting there on the balcony of our Sulani rental cottage, gazing at the sea with my brave, beautiful, intelligent husband by my side, I could easily have said I had it all. I was happy, secure and loved, and everything seemed perfect. But, unfortunately, I hadn’t viewed the question that way because my mind had been on all the things I still wanted to accomplish, such as going to university, finding a new job, and of course getting back to competing in my sport.
Now I have all those things too, and more besides. If you've got a minute to stay and listen, I'll tell you all about it.
Maybe I should've mentioned from the start that we're currently in Switzerland, 'cause it probably isn't obvious from the inside of this hotel room. Like, it's an upscale hotel, but it's pretty generic as far as hotels go and I don't think there's anything particularly Swiss about it.
We've been here for the past week, for the FIS World Snowboarding Championship, and let me just say, it's been an absolute whirlwind of travel, activity and excitement. Tonight's been the first opportunity I've had to stop and process it all, and I think I'm going to need a while for some of it to fully sink in.
As you guys already know, last season ended catastrophically for me, but it wasn't as epic a disaster as I initially imagined. I was doing really well up until my accident, with top-three finishes in a handful of qualifying competitions. As it turned out, my wins from last season plus my wins from this current season were enough to qualify me for two events at Worlds this year, super-G and my best event, parallel giant slalom. I may have mentioned it before, but the world championship competition for snowboarding is held every second year, so if you’re confused about why last year’s points counted, that’s why.
I was thrilled about qualifying, needless to tell you, and so was Davey, my coach. I've qualified for Worlds twice before, but didn't do as well as I'd hoped on either attempt. This time, I was confident going into it, and I was ready physically as well as psychologically.
That's not to say I wasn't nervous. I think a person would have to be crazy not to be at least a little nervous about hurtling down the side of a mountain at seventy-five kilometres per hour with nothing but a helmet, wrist guards, and the grace of the Watcher to protect them. But, alpine snowboarding isn't a sport for people who don't know how to conquer their fear. Out there on the mountain, fear could literally kill you. Any kind of distraction could, and every time I think about my crash last January I'm reminded of that, and of how lucky I am to be back on my board and still able to compete at this level.
Anyway, seven days ago me and Yuri boarded a plane for Switzerland along with Davey, his partner Lindsey, and their sign language interpreter Kayley. Having travelled with Davey before, I knew what to expect, but I think it was jarring for Yuri. Davey and Lindsey are both super loud, and it's not entirely because they're deaf and can't hear themselves properly. They're just... extreme. Like, they bring the party with them wherever they go and it’s never a quiet affair.
By the time we reached our destination, all Yuri wanted to do was hide in our hotel room. He said he'd had enough of interacting with other people, and told me that he wouldn't mind if I wanted to go hang out with some of the other athletes on my own. I decided to stay with him because my first event was on the following afternoon, and I like to get lots of rest the day before I compete. As much as I enjoy a good social gathering, I didn't want to break my ritual. Athletes can be superstitious, and it'd be silly to try convincing you I'm an exception.
So, you're wondering how I did in that first event, right? I came in third, which earned me a bronze medal. That was the highest I'd ever placed at any event at Worlds, and even if I didn't win anything else, I would've been totally satisfied with that.
But, there was still my second event. In the middle of the week, I made it through the elimination races, and the final for the men's parallel giant slalom was yesterday morning.
I woke up early, too excited and full of adrenaline to sleep as much as I should have. I slipped out of bed and headed for the shower, trying not to wake Yuri as I went. My efforts were in vain, however. I was only in the bathroom for about ten minutes, and when I exited it, I saw a very sleepy-looking Yuri sitting up in bed and talking on the phone to somebody. The second thing I noticed was that he had my phone.
"Yes, I want to tell him, but I'm not sure that's a good idea right before his event," Yuri was saying. He was speaking English. "Maybe we can call you after—"
"Who are you talking to?" I asked.
Yuri looked up, clearly startled. "Oh! Victor, I didn't hear you coming out. It... it's your mother. I'm sorry. I saw the caller ID, and I decided I'd better answer it."
"It's okay," I said. "Can you put it on speaker?"
He lowered the phone from his face and touched the speaker button as I flopped onto the bed next to him. "You're on speaker now, Dr. Grace," he said. "Victor's right here."
"Hi Mom," I said. "What's up? Everything okay? It's like, the literal middle of the night where you are, isn't it?"
"Yes," Mom said. "I think you're five hours ahead of us."
I glanced at the time display on the top of my phone screen. "Mom! It's one-thirty in the morning over there! Why aren't you in bed?"
My mother laughed. "Excuse me, sir. Which one of us is the parent in this relationship?"
"Sorry," I said, but I was relieved she sounded so upbeat. I told myself that her reason for phoning couldn't be anything too bad, or she wouldn't be joking with me. "Seriously, what's up?"
"I checked your mailbox after work today. You got a letter from the university."
"Really? What does it say?"
"I wasn't about to open your mail, was I?" she said. "But, I knew you'd want to know straight away."
"And you waited until it was morning here, so you could tell me as soon as possible?" I met Yuri's gaze. "And you didn't want her to tell me before my event."
"I didn't want you to get distracted," he said. "I thought it'd be better to wait until later."
"I guess I can't get mad about that," I conceded. "I mean, it makes sense, and I'm glad you were looking out for me, but now I'm going to be distracted if I don't know what it says."
"What if it's not good news?" Yuri asked.
"Either way," I said.
"I have the letter," Mom said. "Do you want me to open it and read it to you?"
"Yes, please."
We could hear her opening the envelope. Yuri reached for my hand.
The university's application deadline for the nursing program had been the first of November, and I'd gotten everything submitted on time. According to the admissions website, applications would have one of three decision statuses — rejected, accepted or waitlisted — and decision letters would start going out around the end of March or beginning of April.
Now, here we were at the very end of March, and we'd arrived at the proverbial moment of truth.
"Okay," Mom said. "Are you ready?"
I nodded, mostly because I was too worked up to speak, and Yuri said, "He's ready."
"Dear Mr. Okamoto-Nelson," my mom read. "After a careful review of your application, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the Bachelor of Nursing program. We will be pleased to welcome you as a new student in the fall semester."
There was more, but I didn't take in anything after the first couple sentences. Yuri flung himself into my arms with a little cry of joy, and we nearly rolled off the bed in our excitement. Poor Mom was trying to explain something about registration fees and student health insurance, but we weren't paying attention.
When we finally composed ourselves, I apologized and asked Mom to keep the letter for me until we got home. I knew there would be things to do and deadlines to have them done by, but at that moment, the competition was priority one. I couldn't lose sight of why I was here in the mountains of Switzerland. As overjoyed as I was about the news that I'd gotten accepted into nursing school, I couldn't let it take my focus away from what I was doing today, not so much because I wanted to win, but because of what I said before. Distractions can be deadly.
"I'll let you go for now," Mom said. "You can call me later and let me know how the competition went."
"We'll definitely call you," I said.
"I'll be looking forward to it. Good luck, and be safe."
I thanked her, and then we said goodbye and hung up. It took me a while to calm down after that, and Yuri had to help me do some concentration exercises.
Once I sorted myself out and we were both dressed and ready, we met Davey, Lindsey and Kayley for breakfast. After that, Yuri and I went back to our room to collect Elsa and the rest of my gear, and then we all headed to the venue.
When we got there, I tried not to look around too much, but it was hard to ignore the huge crowd that had already gathered to watch the competition. We hadn't even started yet, and people were already cheering, using noisemakers, and waving flags of various countries. I think the flags were mostly Swiss, but I spotted lots of others. There were even a few Canadian red maple leaves among them.
It was obvious that even with the help of his hearing aids, Davey was struggling to hear amid the ambient noise from so many people. I was the one competing, but he looked extraordinarily stressed. I was sure it was the confusing jumble of sounds that was upsetting him more than thoughts of the competition though, and I couldn't help wondering how he coped with it when he was still a competitor himself.
I soon found out. Lindsey poked him to get his attention, and then signed something to him. He grinned at her before deftly tugging his hearing aids out and putting them in the front pocket of his coat.
He gave us the thumbs-up, and then practically yelled, "Yes! Sweet silence!"
I lost it.
Laughter did the trick. I instantly felt more relaxed, and although I knew Davey hadn't been trying to be funny on purpose, I still offered him one of the few ASL signs I know. "Thank you."
He signed something to Kayley, and she told me, "He says you're welcome, and also he's going to leave his hearing aids in his pocket. I'll come up to the top of the run to help you." She paused while Davey signed something else. "Because he wants to give you the best damn pep talk ever."
"Sounds good," I said, and when Kayley interpreted that for Davey, it was his turn to laugh.
"Okay, my dude, let's get up there!" he said loudly. "You're gonna crush it!"
"Here's hoping," I said.
I turned to Yuri, and just like at every competition he attends with me, he put my helmet on me. He stood on tiptoe to give me a kiss, and then while our heads were still close together, he whispered. "I love you."
My heart was full with that simple phrase all the way up the mountain, but at the top of the run, it was a different story. I don't know if you've ever heard athletes or performers talk about being in the zone, but it's like this intense state of hyper-focus where nothing exists except the task in front of you. I don't experience it every single time I compete, but most of the time I do, and this morning I was totally in the zone.
I was in the middle of the start order, and there were about eight riders ahead of me. When it was my turn, there was nothing in my mind except the mountain and the snow and the course of red and blue flags stretching out in front of me. I was aware of every muscle in my body and every breath and each beat of my heart. I snapped my boots into Elsa's bindings, and waited for the starting buzzer.
I barely remember the run itself. All I know is, it was fast. Elsa and I were flying, and it felt glorious.
I didn't even realize I'd won until Davey found me later at the bottom of the run. He was screaming in my face about a record-breaking time, and I honestly wasn't sure if he was talking about me or somebody else.
In fact, the reality of my victory didn't truly hit me until the event was over, and Davey was dragging me towards the area where the medal presentation was taking place. They presented the bronze medal to a Swiss rider, and the hometown crowd cheered their hearts out for him, so much so that we could barely hear the recorded national anthem playing as the FIS official placed the medal around his neck. A Norwegian guy won silver, and he got a pretty healthy cheer from the supporters too.
Then, over the slightly crackly public address system, I heard. "And now, the presentation of the gold medal. Please congratulate your FIS World Champion in men's parallel giant slalom. Representing Canada... Victor Okamoto-Nelson!"
For a second or two, I didn't move. Davey nudged my shoulder and urged me forward with a not-so-subtle, "Dude, go!"
I was simultaneously crying and smiling when the official put the medal around my neck. As O Canada played on the speakers, I searched the crowd for Yuri. He was right there in front with Lindsey beside him, and they were holding up a huge Canadian flag between them. I have no idea where they’d gotten it from, but the sight of it and Yuri's brilliant smile ensured that the happy tears didn't stop running down my face until well after the anthem finished playing.
The only way I can describe it is: Best. Day. Ever.
As I was putting my stuff in my suitcase this evening, I kept glancing over at my medals on the nightstand. They were going in mine and Yuri's shared carry-on bag, and I wanted them to be the last things I packed. Not gonna lie, I was tempted to leave them there on the bedside table until morning so I could see them when I woke up, but I ultimately decided not to do that. There'd be plenty of time to admire them when we got home.
After I finished packing, I picked Elsa up from the floor and placed her on the bed. Yuri never used to like it when I put my snowboard on the furniture, especially the bed, but he seemed to change his mind about it after my accident last year. I lay down next to my board and rested my hand on her. Her smooth surface was cool against my palm, and her bright blue and yellow paint job stood out in contrast against the muted beige of the hotel bed's duvet.
"We did it, Elsa," I said aloud. "Sometimes dreams really do come true."
That's how Yuri found me several minutes later when he'd finished enjoying his bath, lying curled on my side and idly stroking my snowboard. I must've looked ridiculous, but he didn't say anything about it. He just climbed onto the enormous bed with me. Wrapped in one of the hotel's luxurious bathrobes and smelling of chocolate from the fancy hotel shampoo, his presence was warm and sweet.
He cuddled against my back and slid an arm over me, trying to be the big spoon despite his tiny size. His voice was soft, "Are you all right?"
"Yeah," I said. "Just thinking."
"Anything you want to share?"
"I'm going to nursing school."
"You are," he agreed.
"I won a gold medal. A World Championship gold medal."
"You did," he acknowledged. "And a bronze one."
"Yeah." I closed my eyes and let myself soak in the comforting feeling of his little body pressed close to mine. "You know what's weird?"
"What?" he said.
"I'm happy about it and I'm proud of myself, but like... I don't know if it's the medals that're important, or something else."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"You wanted to know what I was thinking about," I said. "I was thinking about Sulani, and how you asked me if I ever had the feeling of having everything I ever wanted."
"I remember."
"I said I didn't, but I think I missed the point of what you were asking."
"Oh?"
"You weren't talking about things, were you? Like going on a trip or getting accepted at university or winning a medal."
"No, I suppose I wasn't," he said. "It was more abstract than that."
"I get it now," I said. "It's not about doing stuff or getting something. It really is more abstract than that. It's like, being satisfied with where you are and with what you've accomplished so far, and just... being content with your life and the way the people around you make you feel."
"Yes," he said. "That's what I meant. I felt that in Sulani. I feel it right this minute."
"Me too," I said. "I felt that way in Sulani too. I'm sorry I didn't understand."
"It's all right," he said. "I'm glad you understand now."
I do get it now, and maybe it's gonna sound strange to say that it took me winning the most important competition of my athletic career to figure it out, but there it is. I'm thrilled about the medals and I can't wait to show them off, but they're not what I value the most. My biggest source of pride is in the fact that I battled my way back from one of the lowest points in my existence to make it to this place. Last January, I thought life as I'd known it was over. For a while, I lost sight of everything; my goals, my hopes and dreams, and even my will to go on. Yet here I am today, a world champion.
A world champion.
And I couldn't have done it without Yuri or my mom and Julian. I couldn't have done it without Sakura, Davey, and all the other friends and family members who love and support me and who never gave up on me. I'm a champion thanks to them, but more importantly I'm happy and I know that I'm valued, safe and loved.
So yeah... I have it all, and I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
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finniestoncrane · 1 year
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For the 500 followers prompts: Any Riddler 🔥🟤
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arkham!riddler x gn!reader/huddling for warmth oh shit oh god ok maybe finnie should stop always picking arkham and go for another boy but i will not because i love him minors DNI!! 🔞 500 words, cw: just fluff bbs! requests are closed • kofi link • minors DNI • tag: finnie500
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The sewers were cold usually, but this winter had been exceptionally brutal. In a moment of weakness, Eddie had agreed that taking a brief moment on the sofa to watch a movie, instead of hammering away at freezing cold metal might give a reprieve to the freezing air that scratched at your hands. You hadn’t expected him to agree, and you hadn’t expected to fall asleep within the first few minutes, unaware of how exhausted you were, and you definitely didn’t expect to feel comfortable, or brave, enough to lean into Edward, sharing the heat from his thin, muscular body.
He raised an arm and brought it around your shoulder, pulling you in. A move unexpected of him, even to himself, especially to himself. Usually, he hated any physical intimacy, any semblance of closeness. It was a display of weakness usually, vulnerability. But you were asleep, you weren’t to know. You couldn’t. And if you woke up, he could pretend to have been asleep. People did strange things in their sleep, he was sure of it.
You shuffled into him, a sleepy moan whispering out into the room, and he couldn’t help but smile. The feeling of your body on his, the warmth of your breast on his chest. He let his fingers trail down your arms, a move that brought you even closer to him in a half-awake movement.
Am I enjoying this?
He was, definitely. It felt good to have you close to him. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of it before, considered it often. Not just because of the cold. There was something about you, an interest he rarely felt for people, other people, any people. But he found himself staying around you, keeping you as close to him as he could. Asking you to help on projects, stay late at night in the workshop, somewhere he could watch you, surreptitiously, not in a weird, in an appreciative way.
Ok, I’m enjoying this.
You stretched your arm out, fingers clinging to his shirt, resting on his chest as you moaned again, satisfied in your comfort, heated against him.
Is it wrong that I’m enjoying this?
Surely not, surely everyone was allowed to find comfort in other people occasionally. It wasn’t weak, it wasn’t weird. He was worthy of love and affection like everyone else. More worthy, perhaps. He was Edward Nigma, The Riddler, surely he should have someone to dote on him, someone for him to…
Well, he supposed that of all people, you were the most worthy of his attentions. He looked down at you, resting against him, holding him close, unafraid and not put off, like everyone else seemed to be.
He placed his chin on top of your head, softly, trying not to wake you or disturb your sleep, and allowed himself to close his eyes, to fall asleep with you.
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veliseraptor · 1 year
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Top five Yi City moments?
I feel like I've answered this before...don't feel like going digging for it, though, and I feel like if I did it was probably for CQL so I'm going to go ahead and answer for novelverse specifically (there is. much overlap, obviously).
1. storytelling time. I love this one for a few reasons and not just because it is basically "backstory foundation time!" though I do love xue yang transparently talking about himself while studiously pretending to not be talking about himself, obviously this story is autobiographical but if he doesn't say that it is then he's not admitting any weakness. but maybe even more than that I love how awful xiao xingchen is at telling stories. like, he also goes straight to his real life rather than making anything up, but the way he tells it, too, at least in translation, feels really stilted and awkward and I like that for him. xue yang's got a sense of pacing and description. xiao xingchen does not and I love him for it.
also a-qing being like "you are both so bad at this, stop trauma-dumping on me when I just asked for a story"
2. the apple bunnies. one of the tiny mini details that I'm sad was lost in adaptation. a-qing is upset because she just witnessed a murder (song lan's) and in order to throw off xue yang's suspicions lies about it being because of some girls insulting her. xue yang proceeds to give her advice that is both intentionally disturbing and (I think) sincere, and then carves some apple slices into bunny shapes for her. it's the weirdest cutest little interlude between horrible death and destruction. that's yi city, folks!
3. xue yang gets a bucket of ice water dumped on him. this is just one really really really small thing that I noticed on last reread, and I mean really small, because it's just one line pretty much, when song lan first confronts xue yang. per the fanyiyi translation, immediately after song lan says his name: "As though someone had just thrown cold water directly in his face or slapped him awake from a dream, Xue Yang's complexion turned an exceptionally ugly color at once." I have feelings about it and that's all I'm going to say lest I incriminate myself further than I already have (with the entirety of my blog).
(it's the "slapped him awake from a dream" that kills me!!!! okay that's all)
4. resurrection attempt v. 1.0. I have talked about this before! how obsessed I am specifically with the order of operations and how calm and reasonable xue yang is about it at first. he gets xiao xingchen all cleaned up, sets up the ritual, goes around cleaning up the house (including setting up new bedding for a-qing), and makes dinner. it's all very "okay! we had a bad fight but he'll come back and things will be okay again."
and then when it doesn't work, that's when he actually acknowledges the fatal wound, belatedly trying to cover it with his hands. like until that moment, until that failure, xiao xingchen hasn't even really been dead at all. rips me up every time.
5. the fucking. the fucking arm with the candy. that's all I've got folks don't look at me
honorable mention though to the a-qing v. xue yang round one confrontation (the one where she...dies) because I find a lot of things about that personally fascinating (namely, the fact that I don't actually think xue yang was planning on killing her initially) but also...a-qing is so very very brave and I love her. :(
this reminds me that I still want to do that translation comparison thing I was thinking about ages ago. hmmm.
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radiodont · 1 month
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i want to preface this by saying that what aaron bushnell did was incredibly selfless and brave. he recognized the harm that america was doing and was so upset by it that he took his own life in protest; i hope that wherever he is, he's found rest and peace. he knew the power he had as an active duty airman, knew that he couldn't stay complicit, and used his status as a societally respected person to make a stand against genocide.
i'm glad it got people talking about palestine and the injustice-- but there's still an immense sense of unfairness to it all. almost 30,000 palestinian people murdered, 70,000 wounded, and 7,000 still missing. they don't get individual vigils; they're lumped together as martyrs. their families don't get reached out to, there is no list of names. the shock, fear, and revulsion people feel watching the videos of aaron's death coming out right now should be the same way they feel about every single palestinian martyr. aaron said it best himself, in the lead-up to his suicide:
"I am about to engage in an extreme act of protest. But compared to what people have been experiencing in Palestine at the hands of their colonizers, it’s not extreme at all. This is what our ruling class has decided will be normal.”
he did an exceptionally good and brave thing, and i sincerely wish he hadn't needed to. i wish it not just for him, but for every man, woman, and child murdered in palestine, for everyone who lacks a home to go back to. every parentless child, every childless parent, and every piece of art and culture that has been destroyed. every media outlet focusing on his life is missing the point; his last act was to call attention to a genocide. look to where he pointed.
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sassymajesty · 9 months
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You are very strong. To not only go through higher education once, but to go back for more! Dont forget that.
when i first saw this message on my inbox, the worst part of the semester was yet to come but i was already feeling drained and frustrated and just so exceptionally dumb, that i couldn't even believe that i was anything but an idiot. i've just finished my last final two days ago and now i can look back at these four months and go "you know what. i am very strong and quite brave to be going through all of this again"
thank you so much for this message. it's a sweet reminder that my brain can't be trusted very often, and i like the idea of all this madness being a sign of strength 🩷
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bobbiworks · 2 months
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Beyond the Bell's Chimes | part 57
It was the beginning of spring, and Jiwoo found herself amidst the crowd, observing the seniors leaving the gymnasium after the graduation ceremony. The realization that some of her friends were moving on from high school had settled in over the past week, bringing a mix of sadness and happiness.
Among the graduating students, Jiwoo's attention was fixed on Eunseok, walking with Sungchan and Miyoung, holding flowers and gifts from well-wishers. Her world seemed to slow down as she watched Eunseok, his radiant smile making her heart beat anxiously. Amidst the commotion of parents congratulating their children, Jiwoo felt a sense of uncertainty about the upcoming school year and wondered how things would unfold between them.
Eunseok approached his parents, who stood not far from Jiwoo, surrounded by bodyguards. They shared hugs and laughter until Eunseok turned his head, spotting Jiwoo. As their eyes met, Jiwoo instinctively looked away, feigning busyness. However, Eunseok sought her out, grabbing her hand and turning her towards him.
"Jiwoo," he said, smiling warmly. "I am glad you're here." He pulled her into a heartfelt embrace, catching Jiwoo off guard. Flustered but grateful, she hugged him back.
"Congratulations," she managed to say when they pulled away, their hands still intertwined. Eunseok looked exceptionally handsome, and Jiwoo couldn't help but feel a whirlwind of emotions.
"Thank you, I am officially out of Segye High School," he joked, holding up his graduation certificate. Jiwoo chuckled and hugged him once more. Her feelings were a mix of joy and sadness, but Eunseok understood her well, reading the unspoken emotions in her eyes.
"Come with me, I'll introduce you to someone," Eunseok suggested, gently pulling her towards his parents.
"Mom, Dad… I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Shim Jiwoo," Eunseok confidently introduced Jiwoo to his parents, prompting Jiwoo to bow respectfully.
"It is nice to finally meet you. I'm Jiwoo," she said, her mind praying to various gods. Mrs. Song responded with a soft voice, surprising Jiwoo with a warm hug. Mrs. Song's embrace felt comforting, and Jiwoo couldn't help but tear up.
"You are such a brave, kind girl, my dear. I can tell that you are really full of love. Your parents must be so proud of you," Mrs. Song expressed. Jiwoo, still emotional, bowed again, thanking them for their kind words. Mr. Song, usually assumed to be cold, also proved to be warm, expressing full support for Jiwoo dating his son.
As Eunseok's parents had to leave for a business trip, they invited Jiwoo for dinner soon, leaving her feeling overwhelmed by their kindness. Once they were gone, Jiwoo and Eunseok shared a moment, smiling at each other.
"Eunseok," Jiwoo said, holding his hand and intertwining their fingers. "I prepared a little something for your graduation." She shyly smiled.
Excitement flickered in Eunseok's eyes. "What is it?" he asked.
"Well, I should take you there," Jiwoo replied, hailing a cab on the street. Curiosity filled Eunseok as they got inside the cab, and Jiwoo gave the driver directions. "Where are we going?" he asked, letting Jiwoo fix his necktie and cuff sleeves.
"It's a surprise," she grinned, handing him a paper bag. "And… here," she said, revealing a hoodie jacket.
"Hmm? Wow. Why do I feel like you really went all out this time?" Eunseok teased, opening the paper bag to find the surprise inside. "Wow…"
Jiwoo eagerly awaited Eunseok's reaction as he opened the paper bag containing the hoodie she had prepared for his graduation gift. However, his response was more subdued than she expected, prompting her to playfully pinch his cheeks.
"Why do you react like that? You don't like it?" she pouted.
"No," Eunseok replied, his gaze still fixed on the hoodie. Then, he noticed his initials embroidered on the right sleeve. "I love it," he smiled, turning to her. "Thank you." He placed it on her lap for a moment before taking off his uniform jacket and putting on the hoodie. Jiwoo felt a wave of relief as she saw how well it fit him.
"How do I look?" Eunseok asked.
"Handsome," Jiwoo chuckled.
As they arrived at their destination, Jiwoo led Eunseok into a beautiful forest bordered by a shimmering lake. Confused, Eunseok followed her until they reached a tent. It was small, open, and tastefully decorated with cushions and blankets beneath hanging string lights. Two foldable chairs faced the lake, accompanied by a barbecue grill and a cooler.
"Tada~" Jiwoo cheerfully announced, revealing her surprise. She had diligently saved tips and a portion of her pay from working at the cafe for six months to make this plan come to life. "Again, congratulations, Eunseok!" She hugged him.
"You did all of this?" he asked, returning the embrace. He hadn't expected her to go to such lengths for his graduation.
"Well, you told me you wanted to go camping with me but didn't have time because of school stuff," Jiwoo said with a cheeky grin. "Do you like it?"
"Gosh, I am going to cry," Eunseok teased.
"What? No! No crying!" Jiwoo frowned, playfully squeezing his cheeks. "No, crying. Hmm?" She kissed him softly. "It's my first time preparing something like this, so I wasn't really sure if you'd like it, but you did say that you wanted to go camping, so I thought…"
"I'm very happy. I am already happy when you became mine, and I am happier that you keep reminding me of that every day," Eunseok expressed. "I worried that I might have made you feel lonely while I was busy."
She shook her head, reassuring him, "It's alright. You don't have to worry about me that much."
Later on, Eunseok lit up the grill, while Jiwoo, having changed into comfortable clothes, emerged from the tent wearing the same hoodie she had given him. Eunseok couldn't help but stare at her, inadvertently neglecting the blazing coals. She quickly splashed water on them and scolded him gently.
"You're going to get burned if you don't watch out," she warned, taking the tongs from his hand to cook a piece of marinated meat. Eunseok, standing behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist. She paused, straightened her back, and patted his arms.
"Can't you see? I am cooking."
"I know," he smiled. "Can't I just be extra affectionate today?"
"Eunseok, you are always extra affectionate," she chuckled. "Come on, I can't move," she frowned, still caressing his cheek.
"No," he playfully replied in a cute tone.
She sighed in defeat, allowing him to hug her as long as he wanted. Then Eunseok brought up a topic, "We've been together for quite long, and still, you call me oppa or just by my name…"
"Hmm? What about it?" Jiwoo hummed, sensing where this conversation was headed. "Your name is pretty," she said.
"I'd be happy if you call me in a cute way," he smiled.
"Oppa?" Jiwoo replied, but he immediately shook his head with a frown. "Hmm, I don't think I can call you names aside from that… you don't react that much when I call you 'love.'"
He pulled away and pouted, "You call Suyoung, Seunghan, and even Sohee that…" He said. "I'm your boyfriend."
Jiwoo was just teasing him, knowing he might pout like a child. Despite his prince-like demeanor at school, Eunseok was, in reality, one of the most childish guys she had ever met. "So what do you want me to call you?"
"Baby," he smiled mischievously, making Jiwoo crack a smile before dropping her head, feeling a tinge of embarrassment when he said it. "Come on, baby."
"No," she deadpanned and turned her back on him.
"Come on, that would be the highlight of today's event," he urged, eager to hear Jiwoo call him that. He had heard a lot of his exes call him 'baby,' but he never liked it or showed any reactions to it. It was only Jiwoo who brought out so many emotions in him.
"I said, no. It's embarrassing!" Jiwoo shot back.
"Okay, suit yourself. I'm just going to sulk…" He sighed and slowly turned his back on her, heading to the tent to playfully embrace the rejection.
"Fine," she huffed. "Not now… maybe later, I don't know." She shrugged before focusing on grilling. Eunseok smiled; even if she didn't want to, he'd be okay with it. He enjoyed teasing her a lot.
Their dinner was ready. Jiwoo finally got her own phone and showed Eunseok's name on her contact list. Seeing his name with a heart next to it made him happy. "But still, I want to hear that word," he said, handing her a glass of cola. "Thank you for this, Jiwoo," he expressed his gratitude.
"You are most welcome," she smiled and drank.
"I'm quite sad, honestly," Eunseok began to speak. "I graduated, and it also means that I won't be able to see you as much as I wanted to… I sometimes wish I'd stay for another year."
"That would be too much," Jiwoo said. "And I thought I was the only one who feels that way." She confessed. "I really don't want to feel that way because I know you'd be worried about me, so I'm here."
Eunseok watched her hold the glass with her tiny hands, gently taking it from her and holding her hand instead. "Have you heard of a myth about high school lovers?" He asked, sparking curiosity in Jiwoo's mind. "They say that high school couples tend to be soulmates."
Hearing that, Jiwoo couldn't help but laugh. "That's funny. And do you actually believe that?" she asked.
"I do, I want to believe it. I don't think our first encounter didn't mean anything…" He thought out loud. "Ever since then, I started to be curious and later on realized that I really like you… Now that I have you, I will never ever let you go."
"You know that I really don't like promises," Jiwoo said, "I don't really want to expect good things in the future because, to me, what's important is the present. And, I don't really see myself with anyone except you," she continued, hiding her face as she felt embarrassed by her sudden confession. Her eyes wandered around before turning to him, seeing him staring so fondly at her. Eunseok's eyes glistened, the warm lights inside the tent reflecting in his orbs, making him look dreamy, with his hair waving against the cold breeze. His hand remained holding hers, giving her warmth unconditionally.
"Let's get married when the time comes," he smiled, and even before Jiwoo could respond, he pulled her close and kissed her lips sweetly. She didn't pull away but instead cupped his cheek and returned the kiss with equal sweetness.
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sadisticsweetie · 10 months
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It's like you know what you do to me. I know you don't know, because you're not the type to hide the way I am, but sometimes the things you say really make me wonder. Do you want me to be jealous? Do you like it when I flirt up a storm, then pass it off as not being great socially? When you're being so exceptionally sweet to me...why are you doing that? What are you up to? I'm not sorry for exploiting how dense you can be, either. If I didn't get my feelings out like this, I might implode. This way is better - I get to tell you again and again how much I like you, and you'll always think I'm just being silly and playful. Just being me. Silly little me. You don't like talking about your feelings - that's okay. I'm not the type to make you. I'll just keep track of them through your reactions. A mumble here, a voice crack there - I'm getting to you and I know it, and I'm basking in how easy you make it. Sometimes, when you're feeling very brave, you even flirt back. Things like that are why I think you know exactly what you're doing to me. It's why I think you might like me too, even if it's a secret right now. But I won't know if you don't tell me, sweetheart. Spell it out for me, won't you?
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trixibebe · 7 months
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oc x canon
I have literally no excuse for this drabble and no excuse for the illustration except that I thought that the idea of bothering each other in public is fun
nothing too graphic, you know how vanilla I am
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For her sex with him at times like these was like summer rain. Hot, quick while at the same time cooling her down for a moment. Sometimes it was as if a switch had gotten flipped in her brain by the need for him. It made her head spin and she found that even while he was inside of her, he still wasn't close enough. She wanted to be engulfed by him. And yet she never felt more free. She was bolder by his side. What an elevating feeling it was to know that she got him. And he got her; equally craving her presence. Not afraid to show it either, making her all the more confident.
He was vocal about it while strolling around town in the hopes of riling her up. Normally that got even more intense when they got home, telling her over and over how she makes him feel and what he'd want to do to her.
It would often get to this point after what usually starts off as an innocent walk in the evening. A joke here and there but before they knew it the conversation would turn steamy.
But she wouldn't let it be today as she felt exceptionally brave, tempting him over and over.
"If you keep talking like that I have to pull you into the nearest alley." he warned her, dragging his voice, still keeping up the playful attitude despite his patience running thin.
"Oh? And what would you do to me?" she asked innocently. When after a few moments the only answer she received was a low grumbling from him, possibly trying not to immediately act on impulse, she added nonchalantly:
"By the way I'm not wearing any panties today..." Under normal circumstances she would've almost felt ashamed by what she was saying. But not today for some reason. Over time she got too curious about how far he was willing to go. It brought her great fun and excitement, feeling like she could do anything.
"Liar." he began flatly after his gaze snapped to her face. "I'm not falling for that again." True, it wasn't the first time she fed this idea to him and his reaction made her chuckle a little.
"Do you wanna check?" she challenged and soon a grin would form on his lips. Panties or not he wouldn't miss a chance to feel her up.
Not stopping their leisure walk he inconspicuously looked behind them to see if anybody was in sight. When he noted that not a soul was near them he quickly slid his hand up her skirt, along the curve of her behind in search for any kind of underwear.
But he found nothing but smooth skin and he let out a low groan as the realization hit him.
"You can be a real beast sometimes, you know that?" She giggled again knowing that he got him hooked properly but before she could say anything, he continued with a voice that oozed with charm: "How about you let me touch you, hm? Just this once?"
She already ran the possibility through her mind. It was evening, dark enough so that they wouldn't be spotted right away. And most people were at home but not sleeping yet, probably watching TV, drowning out any sound that would come from them.
So she agreed.
And it made him switch gears almost instantly. He grabbed her hand, glancing around for a place that was suited for their spontaneous plans.
"I really wanna see if you'll keep being so bold while I finger you out in the open." he purred, turning the table on her as he took control over the situation.
Not even a minute later they found themselves between two buildings in a narrow alley, some distance away from the streets. If they were lucky nobody would come this way, maybe with the exception of some drunks. But even for that it was still a bit early.
Not that they really cared at this point. Her desire was already outweighing her potential nervousness of getting caught as he hooked one leg of hers, caging her between himself and the wall. Even though it was her that tempted him to do this. But once she felt the first stroke of his fingers between her legs she surrendered completely. The slender digits glided effortlessly through her wetness a few times, constating with a deep hum how needy she was.
Like he was any different. Her quiet moans which she was cautiously trying to hold back, rather letting out heavy breaths, were riling him up as well. His grip on her thigh got a little stronger and he tried to distract himself by kissing her neck. But it was a futile attempt and he knew it. The moment he carefully slid a finger inside her, slowly earning more and more quiet whimpers, he knew he wanted more.
"I want to feel you around me so badly. Please let me fuck you properly." He had already filled her senses so she wasn't going to deny him. Still, she appreciated him asking first. Like he always did. No matter how bossy or vulgar he could be, he didn't overstep her boundaries.
So it was just a matter of moments until she clung onto him as if hanging for dear life with her legs around his hips, an arm around his shoulder while he held her up, painfully pressing her against the wall.
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