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royallyprincesslilly · 3 years

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Title: Work For It {One-Shot}***

Nick Sagar x Reader

Warning: Cursing, Strip Tease, NSFW, Mature 18+ Content, SMUT, Slight/Mild Anal Play

Words: 3.8k

Summary: It’s all fun and games until Nick gets angry and takes it out on you, but not before you give him a show.

Note: My New Year’s gift to you all. 😘

Recommended listening once indicated is “WAP.” The second recommended listening is “Wicked Games” by Ramin Djawadi.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!! 🎊🎊

Thank you all for reading. I appreciate it and you!!

If you enjoyed this, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG ❤️❤️

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

~~~~~~~~

You laughed as you walked inside the home you shared with Nick with him hot on your heels. You were feeling really good. It could have been because of all you’d had to drink that night, or maybe it was the insane amount of flirting you’d done.

“You think this is funny. It’s not!”

The anger in Nick’s voice only made you laugh louder. Your laughter echoed through the halls of your home on your way to the kitchen.

“It actually is quite funny,” you replied, opening the wine fridge.

“What!? So you think it’s funny to do what you did?”

You were too busy trying to decide between a rosé , a white, or a red wine to cap off the night that you didn’t answer. You turned and placed the three bottles on the island and looked at Nick.

“What do you think? Pink, Red or White?”

Nick had the cutest exasperated look on his face that was laced with anger. He was so pissed, and it turned you on immensely.

“Really? Do you think I give a fuck about wine right now?! Y/N, you got me fucked up!”

“Rose it is,” you said, grabbing the bottle, but before you walked away, you reached back for the white wine. “Maybe another just in case,” you added, walking around the island and out of the kitchen. You knew he was so damn close to raging.

“Calm down. It’s not even a big deal,” you slid in, walking up the stairs to your bedroom.

“Not a—you’re fucking kidding me. You flirted with that wanker right in front of me! Then you had the nerve to let him touch you.”

“Nick, he touched my back. Why is it such a big deal? You know I’m yours. you knew I was leaving with one man and one man alone.”

You’d managed to put the bottles down on the bedside table in the bedroom before Nick was up against your back, pressing you into the floor to ceiling window. In seconds he’d spun you around so you could see the fury in his eyes.

“You,” you finished in your seductive voice.

Nick held you firmly at the waist with one hand while the other cupped your jaw holding your head in place. Using one of your hands, you brought it up his back, slowly going over each dip and rise that he’d worked so hard for in the gym and his Ji-Jitsu training. When your hand reached the nape of his neck, you sunk it into his loose curls, the curls you loved to entangle your fingers in every chance you got.

“I’ve told you time and time again,” Nick began bringing the hand that was at your waist up your back to your neck. He then roughly pulled, making your head angle back enough to give him your undivided attention.

“Mmm.”

“You belong to me. I own every glance, every whisper, every smile, every kiss.” As he spoke every word, his voice dropped several octaves on each of them while he invaded the space between you.

“I am the only man who can touch you.”

You felt him cup your sex, and you had no idea when he’d moved his hand from your jaw. A small, breathy gasp escaped your throat. It was like he was proving to you why.

“I.” Nick circled your silk-covered clit with one of his fingers. “Own.” He traced a zig-zag along your swollen bud. “This.” A firm pinch followed, making you shriek out, throwing your head back even more.

“Fuck,” you whispered.

“Oh, princess. If that’s what you want. You’re going to have to work for it,” Nick teased before he bit your bottom lip, pulling back with it clutched between his teeth. The sting of pain was dull, but it was present.

Nick walked from you around to his side of the bed. You noticed then he held one of the bottles of wine in his hand. You watched him open the bottom drawer to pull out a video camera, specifically one you’d gotten him for Christmas because of his interest in photography and filming. With the camera in hand with the bottle, he walked to the baroque style chair in the corner of the room behind the door and dragged it to the center of the room. Before Nick sat, he kicked off his loafers, sending them half under the bench that resided at the foot of your king-sized bed.

Once he was seated with his long legs spread wide enough for you to fit, he easily opened the bottle and pulled the cork free with his teeth. The soft ‘thunk’ sound echoed in the quiet room. He then brought the bottle to his lips and guzzled from it, allowing some to dribble down his bearded chin to his partly exposed neck. Fuck, you thought, getting lost in the glisten of the wine on his toffee skin. His eyes landed on you, and the familiar butterflies fluttered in your gut. The man was downright sinfully gorgeous. A smirk flashed across his lips, and you knew he knew it. That was the deadliest combination.

“Gonna stand there all night?”

Scoffing, you grabbed the other bottle and did as he’d done with the one he was raising to his lips again. Spitting out the cork, it landed on the bed before you walked closer to him. after taking a swig of the rosé, you sucked your bottom lip.

“What else should I be doing?”

“I think you owe me an apology, princess,” Nick said.

You couldn’t help but smile.

“Did I hurt baby’s feelings?”

The smile he wore instantly slipped, and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. The look on his face was a serious one, and his eyes said he was a sliver from his asshole side.

“I wouldn’t tease me right now, Y/N.”

You took another gulp from the bottle and approached him as if he were a predator. He might as well have been, especially seeing the mood he was in. you knew flirting in front of him was a dangerous thing to do. You’d long known about his jealous tendencies and knew how he felt about you and other men. Nevertheless, you persisted. It was purposely done.

Usually, Nick was a sweetheart. Whenever anyone ever saw him, they thought he was the sweetest, most gentle man. Their assumptions were absolutely correct, but his sweetness and gentleness had limits, and you knew how he would get if he saw you flirting with someone else. Nick leaned back in the chair, giving you space to swing a leg over to sit on him.

“I’m sorry, baby,” you softly said, dragging out the last word.

Nick scoffed, and you brought your lips to his, but he dipped his head back, evading your kiss.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Quirking your brows, you looked at him quizzically.

“I’m sorry you thought it would be that easy, and apologize meant words.”

The butterflies took flight again, but this time they descended, making your clit throb. Nick took a sip from the bottle the whole while never taking his eyes off of you. Music played in the room, and just like that, you formulated your plan. Raising from his lap, you walked away to the darkened window. As you stood in front of it, you guzzled the wine, not measuring how much you swallowed.

When you lowered the bottle, you turned to find not only Nick’s eyes on you but the lens of the camera. Staring into the lens, you finished the bottle then tossed it to the side. The ‘clunk’ it made upon impact with the carpeted wooden floor didn’t faze him one bit.

🎶 The music that played sounded like the perfect choice for a striptease. You wondered if he planned this. That was when you decided to change the way this was going. You walked over to the sound system and changed the song. From the very beginning, you knew that he knew what the song was. This was working out so well, you thought.

“I said, certified freak, seven days a week, wet-ass pussy, make that pull-out game weak.”

You slid your hands along your body until you gently cupped your sex. Nick’s eyes went right where you wanted them. As you mouthed the next few lines, you made sure to lock eyes with him. Slowly, Nick skimmed his tongue along his lips, wetting them in the most erotic way. Closing your eyes, you pretended you were dancing for yourself, not holding anything back.

When you got closer to him, you stepped between his legs then twirled for him until your ass poked in his face. That was when you dipped down low enough for your ass to rub against his crotch. You heard him groan against your ear, but before he could bring his hand to touch you, you stood, then walked behind him. You grabbed his hair and yanked his head back, so he looked in your eyes. You kissed his temple, then brought your lips to his ear.

“I want you to park that big Mack truck, right in this little garage.”

Nick scoffed, then groaned as he watched you come in front of him to drop your ass to his lap. You began grinding on him, giving him a preview of all that was for him and your expert level lapdance skills. When you began twerking on his lap, you felt his hand on your waist. He moved it to your stomach, pulling you back against him.

“You think you’re cute, don’t you?”

Glancing back at him with your lip clenched between your teeth, you leaned back a little more to lick his cheek before winking at him. You slid off his lap to kneel in front of him. Dropping your chest to the floor, you kept your ass perched in the air giving him one of the best views. You didn’t care that the hem of your dress was above your ass, showing off your thonged ass that you were sure was soaked. Peeking back at him, you knew he’d peeped it. His groan was a lot louder than before. You turned, remaining on your knees right on time to the lyrics.

“I don’t wanna spit; I wanna gulp, I wanna gag, I wanna choke, I want you to touch that lil’ dangly thing, that swing in the back of my throat.”

For emphasis, you caressed your face against his hardened delight that was barely hiding behind his pants. Nick then grabbed your hair, pulling your head back, so you looked at him. You couldn’t help but smile.

“Pleased with yourself, huh.”

He brought his bottle to your mouth, and on cue, you opened for him to pour some of the wine inside. Knowing your mouth was full, he didn’t stop. He poured so it spilled down your body life a cascading waterfall. When he released you, you wiped your mouth then sucked your finger into your mouth before slowly crawling away. You stopped for a few moments, then peeled off the dress you wore before throwing it back at him.

Nick made it such an easy thing to catch the fabric mid-air before tossing it over his shoulder. He then leaned forward again, leaning his elbows on his thighs. Left in only your thong and bra, you used the floor to bounce on it a few times before you turned to him and roamed your hands over your body. The pleased look on his face only increased.

You stood and then began doing the famous dance for the song showcasing your flexibility while playing up every exposed body part for his viewing pleasure. As you humped and pounded the floor, you glanced at him again. His expression was darkened and masked. You crawled back to him, knowing the end of the song was coming. Once between his legs, you roamed your hands up along his legs and thighs before coming to the buckle of his pants.

Without words, you undid his pants then helped him pull them off. Nick gulped wine as he watched you and where your hands went. When you pulled off his boxer-briefs, his lengths flicked out then bobbed in the air. Locking eyes with him, you licked your lips.

“Am I forgiven, baby?”

Instead of answering, he just watched you. You scoffed and decided to kick things up a notch. You grabbed the bottle and took a mouthful of wine before you lowered your mouth onto his dick. Nick grunted, no doubt from the shock of the cold wine against his searing skin. Hearing him gulp, you knew he wouldn’t be holding out much longer. You slurped the liquid that was in your mouth, knowing the vibration from it would feel divine. Nick dropped his head back and released a long groan.

You slowly pleased him, making sure to tease the shit out of him. He may have wanted you to apologize, and you’d give it to him because it was slightly fucked up what you did, but there was no way this would be easy for him.

“Fuck!”

It was strangled, and in seconds, his hand was on top of your head, holding you from going any further. Your throat was his weakness. You opened it up and lodged the last of his arousal right where he was trying to prevent you from getting.

“Holy--.”

The sudden tightness of your throat around him cut the ending of the word off. You shook your head, giving him the full feel of where he was and letting him know just how you planned on fucking with him. When his eyes met yours, you knew he’d picked up on your plan. Nick pulled you up and pulled you down on his lap. As you straddled him, his cock rested persistently against your ass, teasing you. You brought your lips to his, and again, he evaded your kiss. You were getting annoyed with the bullshit now. Before you could voice your annoyance, Nick pushed you back but caught you before you fell to the floor. He then grabbed your thigh and pulled them to his face. Before you knew it, your thighs were spread with his face buried between your legs.

“Oh, fuck!”

He was in no mood for slow or teasing. It was evident with the way he feasted. Nick sucked your clit into his mouth, and that was when your hands dropped to the floor to brace yourself. Nick’s arm around your waist held you firm while his other hand kept one of your thighs right where he wanted it.

Whimper after whimper escaped your lips, and with every one he used it as fuel to show you who was in control right now. You may have thought it was you, but Nick was good at taking all he allowed away. His tongue flicked against your flesh, and your body shook, making him hold you tighter. You trusted him implicitly and knew he’d never hurt you in any way you weren’t okay with.

When Nick slurped against you, you were done for.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come, baby.”

Just like that, Nick stood and brought you to the bed. He then tossed you onto it just before your orgasm gripped you. Groaning from frustration, you looked at him. You were in time to see him peel his shirt from his body. Once free of it, he dropped his pants, leaving him entirely bare before you. Sinking your teeth into your bottom lip, you spread your legs, making sure he saw just how badly you wanted him—how much you were sorry.

Nick reached for you, gripped the waist of your thong, and pulled. It took a few moments to realize he wasn’t trying to free you from the silk that bound the part of you he wanted to ravish. Instead, he was bringing you to him. Once you were before him, he used that beautiful cock of his to slap your clit.

You arched your back and felt the familiar feeling that signaled an oncoming orgasm. He did it again and again, but when you were right at the precipice of your release, Nick stopped. Glaring at him, you saw his mischievous smirk.

“This won’t be easy, princess.”

You groaned loudly while rolling your eyes.

“So, this will be hard?” Nick quirked his brow while stroking his length.

“Oh, it’s already hard, princess. Can’t you tell?”

“How can I? You won’t give it to me.”

“Beg for it.”

He knew you hated begging.

“Nick,” you warned.

“Y/N.”

Narrowing your eyes, you showcased that stubbornness he hated but loved to fuck out of you.

“Be careful, princess. I’m sure you want to walk tomorrow.”

He made a good point, and you knew he was good for it. Biting back the sarcastic remark you thought of, you took a breath.

“Fuck me, baby.”

He smiled.

“Not good enough.”

Dropping your hand between your legs, you decided to do what he could not resist. Nick watched you play with yourself for a few moments before he slapped your hand away while shaking his head.

“I hope that was worth it, princess.”

🎶 Once the words were out, you began to say something, but he slammed into you using the slickness of your desire to aid the glide of his thick, throbbing member. Once fully sheathed, he didn’t wait or allow you to adjust. Instead, he pulled back and did the action again and again. Once nestled in your tightness, Nick rotated his hips, sending your back off the mattress. He then pulled you closer to the edge of the bed and quickly thrust in and out of you. Each move he made, the sounds your combined bodies made echoed in the room. The instrumental version of Wicked Games made for the perfect background sound as Nick worked your body like a professional maestro.

Everything he did only aided you on your quest for a release. His thrusts were deep and powerful. His intention was clear, and you knew tomorrow would have you feeling the delicious ache of him. You gasped when he held you against his body and jackhammered into you, sending him so deep you almost couldn’t bear it.

“Fuck, Nick!”

He simply groaned, then lifted you bringing you to the windows of your bedroom. Pressing you against the window, he fucked you there, taking the time and care to nudge that bundle if nerved deep within you that promised an intergalactic release.

“Yes, baby, fuck me! Right there!”

Your panting melded with his that began to rival how loud you were.

“Oh, fu--!”

Nick released your leg, allowing you to put it on the floor. The change of angle was what pushed you over the edge. You screamed as the electric feeling coursed through you making your limbs tense up and spasm as if you’d stuck your finger into an electrical socket. Even through the orgasm, you knew this was not the intergalactic one Nick’s thrusts promised.

Without knowing how you felt the cold glass press to your cheek. Your reflection caught your eye, and it was then you realized he’d turned you and was now fucking you into oblivion using all the power his muscular body held.

“Mmmm. Who do you belong to, princess?”

Your throat was dry. Words would be difficult. Instead, you panted, hoping he understood. When he forcefully flicked his hips forward, making your body jerk and you scream out, you knew he didn’t understand.

“Who!?”

“You.” It was raspy and barely coherent. You gasped, feeling him deliver another bruising blow.

“Who’s pussy is this?”

“Yours.” A whisper.

“Who fucks you so right!?”

He must have thought you needed coaxing to answer because his hand snaked between your legs to roll your clit between his fingers. Your body jerked, then softly shook. Your panting prohibited any speech.

“Who!?”

You weren’t trying to be disobedient. You simply couldn’t muster speech. You knew he didn’t care and would tell you to “dig deep.” When you’d remained silent for too long, you felt his large thumb slip into what was considered a taboo spot, but between you, it was far from taboo.

You flung your head back and instantly began shaking more violently.

“Tell me before I put this thick dick right where you want it,” Nick warned.

“Y—yo—you do. You fu—fuck me so fu—cking good!”

He bent over your back and looked at you. “Damn right, I do.”

Nick then plowed into you with reckless abandon as his thumb worked your forbidden hole and his other hand rolled your clit. This was what was promised, and you chased after it with everything you had left.

“Fuck, Y/N, you feel too fucking good! Mmm, this pussy was meant for me. You were meant for me.”

Nick thrust once, then twice, and a third before his hips began to stagger, delivering sloppy but precise thrusts. In seconds he hit your spot so right that the floodgates opened, and it was over. You shot off like a rocket into the sky, then past earth into space, and finally an entirely different galaxy.

“Fuuuuuuuuck!”

Your scream was so loud your ears began to ring, and Nick’s pants and moans became inaudible. The only indication you knew that he’d come was how far he was trying to bury himself inside of you and the fulfilling feeling of being so full you could burst. You remained where you were, shaking, convulsing, and unable to move. When you felt soft sheets underneath you, you realized once again; Nick had carried you to the bed.

You had no energy, your body felt like jello, but you found a way to turn to face him. He was already watching you with sweat rolling down his face and his wet hair in a bevy of curls. You loved this view. The moments after your coital escapades were always the time where you felt like you could see all the way to his soul.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, ignoring the soreness you felt there.

Nick brought his lips to yours and gently kissed you, slowly licking and sucking on them.

“I love you, Y/N.”

Your heart melted.

“But don’t ever forget, I’ll fuck you into next week until you don’t know your ABCs from your 123s,” he finished.

Your pussy flooded. He was playing with fire cause that didn’t sound like a warning at all. As a matter of fact, it sounded like a challenge. Walking was overrated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TagList:

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#work for it one shot #nick sagar #nick sagar fanfiction #nick sagar x reader #nick sagar x you #nick sagar x black reader #black fantiction

255 notes · View notes

sugar-petals · 3 years

Note

Bts voice analysis anon here! I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to respond ❤ it made complete sense why yoongi is the deepest I kinda feel bad for him everytime he wants to sounds cheerful or speak in a way so people can hear him he strains his voice

lot to talk about, i’d like to expand on this. especially what his voice being the deepest means for bts’ songs. plus, where his undiscovered vocal talents are, and in what manner his voice will not strain.

that he’s very introverted contributes to what you say, but yoongi is certainly the odd one out voice-wise, such low baritones hardly sound upbeat. similar to how taehyung being the odd one out in the vocal line whose head voices are literal superpowers. i really respect him for singing with jin and jimin who can climb one octave higher than him, up to C#5! and with jk who has the best technique and breaks into the 6th octave if he goes on like that.

it’s very much like yoongi who probably has to mix their tracks back and forth to fit his parts with hobi (who is a tenor as a rapper! — very uncommon) and namjoon who raps in several modes. very low, very high, very impactfully. he’s the most full-bodied baritone in the group even if he’s only the third-deepest. the tone is just so rich. both hoseok and RM are extreme vocal chameleons on top of that. in speaking and in their music you can hear the difference to yoongi all the time. they don’t suddenly drop in pitch and they’re vocal acrobats.

hobi in particular, this guy can do anything. the sheer agility my god, he connects his registers. he can go up and down, impersonate and do a million effects, adlibs, you know the drill. it’s him who actually owns the “cheerful/loud and clear” brand you mention. which is good if not fantastic for yoongi’s production endeavours, the group mood, and how bts cannot be ignored — but tough for yoongi’s voice and comparison thinking, and when he tries to make a point in interviews. maybe it’s not bad that bts have to slow down sometimes to let yoongi speak, but his tone is drowned out (not intentionally of course) in other occasions and he wakes up hoarse often as we saw. which might sound hot, but it’s not good for him as you say.

to be clear. i wouldn’t chalk down his more monotonous and silent tone as a weakness, it’s just outside of bts’ other vocal variety. he makes up for it with speed and good lungs anyway. we just have to listen more closely to him in talks/episodes/conferences but i think he shouldn’t worry about it either or try to sound more enthusiastic, the fans love his soothing speech for its pure sake. he does change it regardless to be more poignant and blend in. it has pros and cons but it wears him out.

yoongi’s voice is under that strain not just in conversation but also in the studio if he wants to bring connection to the rap line parts instead of having 3 songs in 1. which usually ends up happening anyway. that’s also why the cyphers (!) switch genres mid-song so often: their voices are all strong in different registers! yoongi the lowest, joon midrange, and hoseok up high.

that’s why cypher pt2 is a HUGE stunt and production masterpiece: hoseok’s part is tuned differently, then other instrumentals start with namjoon. and you can literally hear, okay alright a deep voice is coming! from there it just gets deeper and deeper until yoongi is just rapping over a bass guitar (every baritone’s best friend lmao!). god, please give yoongi a big bassline for his every part. “ugh” is the exact opposite: yoongi has to start too high and namjoon also has problems with the key, only hoseok can fully take off after 1:50 with perfect vocal stability. guess which song is autotuned: it’s not cypher pt2! a 3 in 1 song fuels the rapline in a way where they are most comfortable. it’s crazy how far apart they are among each other vocally and it has to be considered.

it’s a dilemma but also why bts’ rap line can tackle any song with at least one member suiting it. they complement each other, every register (except the rare whistle register, aka what mariah/ariana do) is covered. i think that contributed to bts’ fame, it’s so important. however usually, the song caters to hoseok since tenors are preferred in kpop music, or it caters to RM as he’s the central songwriting entity even if mind you, he always thinks about all the members and works closely with yoongi.

but even with joon’s support, it doesn’t work if yoongi is caught in his wish to be a tenor. we’ve seen how much the guy talks about wanting his range to become wider and how he even tried singing quite high for his standards on d-2. he goes as far as collabing only with sopranos to help him achieve that pitch. yoongi is invested to pretty much change his entire vocal type 🙁because the environment simps for high notes so bad (which is fair, falsetto is related to releasing certain happy hormones and highlights parts in songs, but still).

... he actually can’t, unless he wants to damage his throat. that’s the last thing we want. a listener can get the serotonin from a very deep voice equally if they got good taste.

thing is. you cannot morph yourself into a different vocal type and shift your range to the opposite of your comfort zone unless you’re whitney houston. even one in a million tenors like baekhyun can’t make themselves a baritone. his lowest notes are less clear no matter how hard he practices, even if his chest voice is almost operatic and his technique excels. meanwhile, chanyeol (who’s a lyric baritone and exo’s deepest voice) effortlessly hits them without (!!) that kind of decade-long training. have baekhyun or jimin been called bad singers for not being able to cover the other end of the spectrum? nope. so: why would yoongi be a bad vocalist who needs autotune. with lessons, oh man, he could do a lot and many things he dreams of. he has a very unique timbre and enough musical knowledge to do so.

so, we see the magic of your natural supported range. it’s simply given to you. imagine that: if you know you’re not a tenor, you could sort of outsing jungkook — obviously not by technique, but projection— as long as the song is tailored to you and the notes are low enough. yep, jk’s lower register is not extremely forward. each note is perfectly sung because he’s jk, but his power vocals are settled much higher. joon/tae/yoongi would sound much fuller with huge oomph in those lines. that’s where yoongi would be much more clear-sounding to us. a lot of baritone rappers in kpop would be damn good singers.

that’s why it’s good how a lot of rappers produce solos on their own so they can try it out.

you just have to respect that your range usually (not always) goes in one direction. once yoongi rightfully decides to abandon his high note fantasy and goes lower just for fun, we are not safe anymore lmao! exception for range: female singers have an advantage there. trained mezzo-sopranos have great access to the head voice and lower registers since they’re in the perfect middle of the scale. but the guys, forget it, even the baritenors. yoongi’s fullest voice will always be coming from a chesty depth and we love him for it. guy just needs to realize.

that’s why his real challenge is rather somehow tweaking the rap parts so his voice finds good resonance like in “혼술” or even “ddaeng”. where his voice is strong, relaxed, and full and flowing. ddaeng — “boy with luv”, too— is ironically in a very high pitch and again caters to hobi’s tone the most, but: yoongi just scales down to his own octave and it still fits, so — great key choice and musicality! and adaptation. it’s not easy to do. you can tell he plays piano.

he either becomes less easy on the ear or has to autotune himself entirely if he works against his voice. or: goes on a track way outside his supported range (dynamite, WOW). it’s a shame. “daechwita” and “agust d” are such a case: both go into the head voice where your resonance should show the most aka the chorus. there are aggressive belts/snarls/shouts that make more sense for higher, trained voices. yoongi is most famous for raps that are literally designed to fuck up his vocal cords 😷that he’s so skilled as a rapper prevents him from that to a degree, but it’s still not healthy. he adapts a lot to bts’ overall delivery but he doesn’t have to, in fact: he could go in the other direction and it would work even better.

the reason for the title track issue: they are the most energetic. in k-pop, energetic means amping up the pitch. and that’s probably a logical choice and a natural human association. if you make a baritone kpop track with a lot of energy, it probably becomes pretty creepy, uneasy, film noir. but i think that’s exactly yoongi’s thing: to unsettle and critique and rage. i think it could work out. lil nas x is a baritone pulling it off. he achieves energetic title tracks, he honors his vocal type well imo. his live singing is cool af, i need this so hard in the rap landscape. so, it’s not impossible to do.

the trick is probably setting everything to minor key. surprise... yoongi’s challenging title tracks are all in major key. boy with luv: minor key, interesting. the former are extremely difficult for him to do so hats off. “shadow” is more suitable for his baritone as is “burn it”. it needs a very heavy, dark track. which is why it’s good that yoongi has that kind of public image. a baritone’s best genre is not super light and whimsical. that’s why all of our baritone faves are not main vocalists but main rappers. kai, taehyung, jaehyun: low voices in vocal lines are soldiers.

---

now a note on yoongi’s best method of singing since it reflects his voice type and brings out the fullness of it. as in, how does it crack and strain less? guess why “사람” is yoongi’s favorite d-2 song to sing. it’s ALL his comfortable range and the singing — very beautifully done — is in mixed register (= head + chest)! which imo might be his secret weapon. it allows him to do what he longs to do successfuly without going extremely high. bingo.

because: even with baritones, the golden middle is still important. they’re not as deep as a bass, after all. that’s why their voices are so honey-laced in the mixed range and it sounds amazing. heaven, their timbre sounds so seductive. so, it’s wonderful when they find their middle and dare to sing.

i wish yoongi gets/makes more tracks aimed at just that. in “outro tear” he has to go both too low and too high so it takes a lot of production effort to patch it together. the rapline is doing god’s work to make all their voices sound cohesive without being trained singers. it’s always a trade-off and risk, an immense balance act. “paldogangsan” is hard on yoongi’s voice but works as a whole plus it caters to namjoon to carry the song’s message. the cyphers are chopped up and not chart-friendly but each member is in their comfort zone.

PS: i said bts’ rap line covers all registers except one. i think that jin is the one to complete bts’ entire spectrum coming from the vocal line. i’m no whistle note expert but dionysus went pretty high up there, i think he might be able to do it. it’s very impressive, even jungkook and jimin probably don’t have access to that register. so, another point for bts being a very ‘complete’ group.

#anon #ask #cub mail 🐆#vocal analysis #yoongi #suga #bts #baritones #tenors #mixed register #long post

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malghra · 3 years

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a chorus so sublime: chapter 1

I must admit, I can't explain

Any of these thoughts racin' through my brain

It's true

But, baby, I'm howlin' for you

Alright

There's something wrong with this plot

The actors here have not got

A clue

Baby, I'm howlin' for you

For Darklina Week, Day 1, Songs & Lyrics, Title from Breath of Life by Florence + The Machine

Chapter title and lyrics from Howlin' for you by The Black Keys.

This fic starts in episode 5, so you can assume that the story is mostly canon compliant up until episode 4. Any changes pre-episode 5 that will be referenced in the story will probably concern Mal. I lowkey ship show!Malina, they're very cute, but then again I lowkey ship almost everyone with everyone on this show 😂 Darklina is just the only ship compelling enough to tempt me into writing. Anyways, I'm probably going to write Mal closer to his book counterpart, just because I feel the relationship needed a bit more conflict and it will add to Alina's inner struggles.

For now, what you need to know about Mal is that he did sleep with Zoya and that he didn't react well to the revelation of Alina's powers. Just remember that for future reference.

What else? Alina is going to leave the Little Palace at some point, and after that, events will unfold similarly to what happened on the show from episode 6 onwards, but I wanted to develop the Darklina relationship a bit more before it all falls to pieces and I try to come up with a way to put those pieces back together.

The first chapter is Aleksander's POV of his and Alina's first kiss.

I spent a bit of time debating what Aleksander should call himself in his POVs. I honestly couldn't see him referring to himself as the Darkling. I also decided that in the universe of this fic, he hasn't told Alina his real name yet. I imagine that at the beginning of this story, he mostly identifies with his title, and not with his true name, so for now, he'll be referring to himself as The General.

Chapter is below the cut, I hope you'll enjoy this!

The day of the winter fete had arrived, and the General had been up since before sunrise. Despite his mixed feelings regarding such events—especially ones such as today when his Grisha were expected to perform like a troup of otkazat'sya clowns, there was a tinge of excitement to his disgruntled thoughts.

Today was the day Ravka and the rest of the world would learn what the Sun Summoner could do. She still had a lot to learn, she still needed time to grow, but she could give them a good show. Their audience of royals, nobles and foreign dignitaries would be easily enough beguiled by the light spectacle they had practiced.

It was a new start, a day of hope and promise, but that wasn't the reason he had risen before dawn. Sleep tended to elude the General for long bouts of time every couple of years. It didn't matter though. He didn't need much of it anyway, but it was an easy way to pass time when he got bored or tired of life.

Fortunately for him, that was not the case right now. These were exciting times. He had never been closer to achieving everything he'd been working for during the last couple of centuries.

He finished his cup of tea, and as he passed the mirror, he reached up to close the top button of his shirt he must have missed earlier.

He heard the soft padding of footsteps in the other room. It was almost time.

"Ivan!" he called out. "My kefta."

As he turned away from the bed, he found himself eye to eye, not with his loyal Heartrender, but with his Sun Summoner.

"You're not Ivan," he blurted out, taken aback by her sudden and unexpected presence in his bedroom.

"Sorry to disappoint," she retorted sardonically. Saints! Why was she always saying or doing the unexpected thing, usually displaying an utter lack of the deference he was so used to being treated with by everyone else around him? And why did that make him want to smile instead of chiding her and reminding her of decorum and etiquette?

"Do I sense a little disdain for my Heartrender?" he asked, mostly to distract himself from his train of thought. "You know, once you get to know him he's actually quite funny."

Ivan Krasimirov tended to have little patience with people and he didn't care much for pointless social interactions, but the General had known him since he was a boy and he liked to imagine he knew the reserved Heartrender better than anyone else. And Ivan was a loyal man, who understood the cause and had display unseen measures of dedication.

"I bet you find volcra hilarious," his Sun Summoner huffed.

Her innocently intended quip stung, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth, but he managed a wry smile. It was rather hilarious after all, perhaps even more so if one knew.

"May I?" she asked. For the first time since she'd entered, he noticed that she was holding his kefta.

"Thank you." His arms felt oddly stiff as he turned around and reached back so she could help him into the garment.

"I hear you were able to focus and split light without the gloves," he told her. She had shown tremendous progress in the last couple of days, but it was better to be prepared. He'd ordered Kostyk to make the gloves weeks ago, just in case.

"I appreciate the gesture, though."

"Well, they were only a safeguard, really," he assured her. "In case of nerves." She was standing closer than he'd expected when he turned to face her again.

"I imagine there are few gatherings in Keramzin that involve such..." He found himself looking for a word that wouldn't sound as an insult to the humble childhood she still seemed to be clinging to so stubbornly. That stubbornness had its charm at times, but in this case he couldn't really appreciate it. "Spectacle," he decided.

"None, in fact," she answered with that some sarcastic aplomb from earlier, and then she whirled around and darted away from him.

Frowning, but intrigued, he followed her out of his bedroom.

Despite her sudden jitteriness, she confessed that she wasn't nervous anymore, though she had considered throwing herself down the stairs to get out of it. Almost certain that this was just her odd sense of humour, he reminded her that he had healers.

He tried not to smile as she laughed at his retort. He studied her as she stood with her back to him, wondering at her suddenly anxious demeanour and the tension he could feel rolling off her body.

He sat down on the edge of the table, listening as she explained why she wasn't nervous anymore. Confusing, unfamiliar warmth pooled in his chest as she spoke but he tried to ignore it.

"That we can offer Grisha and Ravkans hope for the future," she concluded her little speech. She was so close to where he wanted her. He almost had her. He knew he would be able to make her see reason. What she was sharing with him, the fact that she was sharing it with him at all, it all made him hopeful.

Triumph made his chest swell, and his power hummed just below the surface of his skin, ready to surge, to call out, but he wouldn't show her the immense satisfaction that overtook him in this moment. He settled for a heartfelt, "That means a lot to me, Alina," turning her name into a soft caress.

She turned around, half surprised, half... proud, he decided, satisfied that she had pleased him. He could take it a step further.

"You mean a lot," to me, he meant to say. It should be easy to feed her the lie that had come to carry more truth in it than he cared to admit. He needed her, but that should be the end of it. Hadn't he taught himself to stop wanting a long time ago?

She'd lowered her eyes, making it even easier for him, but he found himself incapable of saying the words. "To everyone," he concluded.

She blinked and met his gaze again. Before he could even try to decipher the look on her face, she had closed the distance between them, her hand on his collar.

Some deeply ingrained instinct almost made him recoil. He wasn't used to this. It had been a long time since anyone dared to approach him in such a way.

And then that pull was drawing him in again, that tug he had felt from the first moment he had laid eyes on her, that he had dismissed until he had touched her arm and knew, even before cutting her skin. The confusion and discomfort that always came with it must be clear on his face, but if she had seen them, she must have decided to ignore them.

Then she surprised him by kissing him, softly and tentatively, tender fingertips gently grazing his beard. He couldn't remember when he had last been kissed like that.

He had expected that sense of elation so akin to the triumph and satisfaction he'd felt earlier. He should have predicted the ringing in his ears, the thumping of his heart, the tingle running through his veins as her power called to his, begging to answer her call, as overwhelming as it was.

But the urge to respond to her kiss, the desire to surrender, the sudden, vast fear that gripped him, they all took him by surprise.

Something that had laid dormant for ages bubbled up from a place deep inside of him, frustratingly elusive and only vaguely familiar. It slipped away from him like water he tried to cup in his hands before he could recognize it.

He might have started kissing her back—he was too stunned to tell—but then her lips left his, and she nudged his nose with hers as she pulled away. His eyes flew open at the sudden loss of contact. He couldn't remember closing them.

She was searching his face, colour high on her cheeks. As he rose to his full height, he could see that sliver of doubt growing, that fear of rejection creeping up on her, even as hope sparkled in her eyes, her lips curling into a cautious smile.

He offered her a smile back, let the surprise he didn't need to feign show on his face.

"Not many people surprise me, Miss Starkova," he told her.

Her face lit up, and he followed her example as she lowered her eyes, allowing himself a pleased grin. He started leaning in to initiate a second kiss.

The door was pushed open and Alina jumped back, turning her back to him.

He cleared his throat, pushing his shoulders back to compose himself.

For the briefest moment, Ivan's eyes flitted from him to Alina, but he hid his reaction well.

"Excuse me, General," he apologized. "Your presence is required at the fete."

"Of course. Thank you, Ivan."

He glanced back to find Alina's cheeks flushed and her eyes on her feet.

"Miss Starkova," he said coolly, and she bit her lip.

"Next time, knock before you enter my chambers," he snapped at the Heartrender on his way out the door.

"Apologies, moi soverenyi," he mumbled.

The General dismissed the man with a nod. He should be thanking Ivan. He had almost acted on impulse, like some common fool. So then why was he clenching his fists to keep from strangling his most loyal Heartrender?

#darklina #alina x the darkling #alina starkov x aleksander morozova #darklinadaily #darklinaweek2021 #darklina fic #a chorus so sublime #chapter 1

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thirsty-x1 · 4 years

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Walking In The Winter | Kim Wooseok

Request:

Can I request a Wooseok scenario in which the reader is a single parent and both of them have known each other for a long time. Wooseok starts to get closer to the reader as well as the child gradually and the once suppressed feelings of both the reader and Wooseok, towards each other start to return stronger than ever. Fluff please ^_^

↬ Pairing: Wooseok x fem!reader.

↬ Genre: Fluff, super slight past Angst?

↬ Warnings: Wooseok being too fucking cute?

↬ Word Count: 4.3k

↬ Song Recommendation: “Walking in the Winter” by Yun Ddan Ddan. Originally I was going for another title but after reading the lyrics it fit too well... plus Wooseok is obsessed with this song and that’s adorable.

The tiredness spread on every inch of your body, the pain making itself notice with each step you took while going upstairs, the view of the hall becoming slightly comforting as you searched for the keys in your purse. Before unlocking the door, you took a deep breath, trying to put on your best face and getting in to be greeted with a walking Wooseok that constantly shushed the asleep kid in his arms. When your friend heard the door closing, he turned around to give you a small smile, pointing a few times towards your child.

“Thank you for taking care of him today…” Leaving everything by the entrance, you silently went to him, extending your arms to grab your son and quickly taking him to your room.

As soon as you made sure he was sleeping comfortably and kissed his forehead, you went back to the living room. You were about to grab your wallet when Wooseok stopped you.

“How many times do I need to tell you that this isn’t necessary?” His hands were gentle as he put the money down. Just then was that you noticed the small cut under his right eye.

Getting closer to examine it, you held his chin. “What happened to you?” He blinked a few times, the words not coming out and making you notice the rushed action, instantly pulling away while muttering an apology.

“Ah, I must have gotten it with him… he really likes to play with my face.” Wooseok let out a small laugh as he tapped his skin a few times and checked his fingertips.

“Must be because you have such pretty eyes.” He lowered his gaze, hiding the light blush on his cheeks. “Wait here, I will go look for something to cure it.”

There was no place for him to deny your offer this time as you left him alone, grabbing the first aid kit you kept close just in case and telling him to sit down on the couch. Imitating him, you faced him, cleaning the tiny wound and blowing on it when the alcohol made Wooseok flinch, your expression distracting him from the stinging. He would be lying if he denied that his heartbeat got faster with your every touch, so lost in the moment that it almost surprised him that it was over so soon. Now he felt the bandit on the place and held back a laugh as you took a picture of him and showed how it looked, the Doraemon design making a fun contrast on his usually serious face.

“Thank you.”

“I think it might leave a scar though…”

He scoffed at the mention. “It’s fine, really, don’t worry about it.” His phone rang and right after he picked up his stuff. “Ah, I think it’s pretty late so I should get going–”

A sound coming from the bed room interrupted both of you, making you sigh as you got up. Of course you missed sharing more time with your kid, but it became a bit hard to do so when you came after work, your body and mind not being ready to handle with it even if that’s what you wanted with all your might.

“You can go Wooseok, thank you so much–”

He shook his head. “Let me help and then I’ll go, you look too tired.” Ah, so he noticed. His pace got quicker towards the bedroom. “Besides, you don’t need to thank me every time, it’s been two months already.”

With a slight chuckle, you dragged your feet behind him, laying down next to the small body of your son and playing with his hair as he let out a few cries. Apparently, he had a nightmare and since he was alone, he got scared.

“What’s your plan?”

Your question made Wooseok roll his eyes as if it wasn’t obvious, a sweet melody filling the room as he sang the lullaby you knew well. He was making some arrangements to the song, the beat becoming slower and somehow sadder, but it seemed to work nonetheless. However, like this you got to pay more attention to the lyrics, your sight fixed on his expression and how the feeling seemed to be completely different from other times he had sang it, but Wooseok stared at the way the kid’s eyelids started to close again at the sound of his voice.

When he finished, he looked your way, only to find you sleeping soundly just like the child next to you, the resemblance striking him as funny. He stood up, trying to not disturb you as he put a blanket over you and left the room, flicking the lights off. Grabbing a pen, he scribbled a message on one of the notebooks he had used to color with his new favorite person and grabbed his keys, more like the ones you had given him in case an emergency happened and left the apartment.

The cold breeze reminded him of the song, scoffing annoyed at the lyrics. Well, he wasn’t annoyed at the song itself, but rather the memories it brought to him. It hadn’t been long since you two got in contact again… Years had passed since he heard your name, but three months ago that had changed when he crossed paths with that asshole. No, it wasn’t his intention to listen to his conversation, but he couldn’t quite help himself when he started talking about you with his friends, laughing at the mention of how he had cheated on you and you asking him to leave. After that, he tried to somehow find you, knowing that you would most probably need someone’s help, and at the time he didn’t think about others being able to lend a hand. Maybe it was because he wanted to be the one to be there for you, to fulfill the promise he made when you two were young, or maybe he simply wanted an excuse to see you again. He wasn’t quite sure, even to this day.

But he didn’t need to understand it. He tried to convince himself about it. Letting go of you had been extremely painful for him, and now that he was able to be with you again, he didn’t want to ruin it. So, he didn’t need to understand his feelings now. It wasn’t the time to be selfish.

Ignoring the freezing cold, he put on his air pods and hit the play button, scoffing once again as his healing song started playing. Without putting much resistance, he started walking, humming to the melody while doing it so.

When you walk, your heart will tell you. Wooseok didn’t need to understand, but he really hoped his heart would tell him whether he was doing the right thing or not this time.

It was one of those miraculous days where you got to go home early, your mood brightening even if there was still some tiredness in your system. The reason? Because you would be able to spend some time with your beloved son, and maybe get to spend some time with Wooseok, invite him to have dinner now that you got the time to prepare it, just as a way to thank him for all the help he had provided you the past few months.

You weren’t expecting his call that day, nor any other day, if you had to be honest. It had been some years since you last saw him, things between you not ending well and that weighed you, but there was nothing any of you could have done to avoid it. After your ex and father of your son left, you felt a little bit lost, almost instantly regretting your decisions when the screen of your phone lit up with an unknown number. Slightly scared of it belonging to him, you picked up, your eyes filling with tears as the familiar low voice greeted on the other side of the line, wondering if it was your phone number. Of course he went silent the second you said yes, the awkwardness lingering in the air before he proceeded to ask how you were, and since then none touched the topic about what had happened once a long time ago.

Maybe because both of you knew what happened, and understood each other and your reasons to have done that. You were pregnant, and at the moment you thought about prioritizing family… how were you supposed to know that the man next to you would turn out to be an ungrateful asshole? And although kicking him out pained you, in the end you hoped to have taken the best decision, both for you and for the future of your son, but even then the thought of him asking for his father someday hunt you every day.

Reaching for the doorknob, you breathed in, collecting yourself as you opened the door and heard a cheering scream followed by tiny steps running towards you. The bags on your arms almost fell to the floor as you picked up the overjoyed kid, not caring about the paint in his small hands staining your clothes and kissing his plump cheeks. Wooseok stood up from the floor, giving you a small nod as a greeting before he helped you out with the groceries, taking them to the kitchen and starting to put everything in its place. The subtle detail made you smile; nothing had seemed to change between you two, and it made you happy. It was as if you had never stopped being friends, as if he had never left, making himself comfortable in your apartment after the six months you had shared together.

“Thank you for babysitting him again.” Wooseok sighed frustrated but shook his head the same way he had the last two months, giving up telling you to stop doing that.

The kid in your arms held your face, his fingers leaving a trace of paint along the bridge of your nose before laughing hysterically. “Hyung and I have been painting! Want to see?”

You giggled at his enthusiasm, getting closer to the table where a spectrum of different drawings were spread. Your son pointed out the fox, the cat and the wolf that he drew, ignoring what seemed to be panels that told a story in a similar way to a comic, the style reminiscing you of the drawings that Wooseok used to make when you were young. Right as you were about to read it, delicate fingers covered the paper, your friend coming back just in time to have you more intrigued about the story.

Trying to ignore it, you complimented the rest of the paintings. “You did so well! Aren’t you a whole artist? I think you deserve a prize…” His eyes got bigger waiting for it. “A thousand kisses!”

The whole room was filled with his vibrating chuckles as you snuggled and pressed your lips to his cute face, Wooseok smirking as he saw you two, warmth spreading through his body before remembering he was staying more time than what was needed.

“I should go now–”

“Hyung deserves kisses too!” The innocent demand made you both stop. “He also drew a lot and he’s good, right?”

How to explain this to a four year old? “Well, yes, but–” You could already sense the grumpy expression coming and that usually was followed by a waterfall of questions, so you simply leaned in and pressed a kiss on Wooseok’s cheek.

“That was one kiss.” What a witty kid. “And you should do it like in dramas!” His body stretched to grab one of the drawings by the older to show you an example, but what was pictured made your cheeks burn.

It had been a memorable day for him too, apparently.

“Those kisses are for special people!” Wooseok’s voice got high pitched as he snatched the paper as delicately as he could in order to not scare the kid. “Friends don’t give those to each other.”

The frown on the child’s face grew. “But mom said you were someone special for her.”

“N-no, I didn’t say that–”

“Yes, you did! After the first time hyung came home!” His memory was a blessing when you were forgetting to take something to your work, but right now it was closer to become a curse than anything else.

“Playtime is over, go wash your hands so that you help me cook, yes?” Sighing in defeat, he ran to the bathroom as soon as you put him on the ground, the mention of food distracting him enough to forget the recent argument.

You walked to the kitchen, ignoring Wooseok’s lingering gaze as you ran the water in the kitchen and scrubbed the rests of paint off your hands.

But he had to clear his throat. “So I’m a special person to you, huh?” That was something you wished had changed: his teasing nature.

“Uh, yeah…” The hesitation in your voice was obvious as you turned around to face him, not expecting him to be that close. “Am I?”

By the way his eyes started shaking, you could say he wasn’t ready for a comeback. Even if he hadn’t changed much, you did, and it appeared as if he was noticing it just now. However, his actions didn’t waver as he took a few tissues behind you, dampening them with water and pressing them against your face, cleaning what your son had left.

“You always were.”

It was hard to breathe if he stared at you with such intensity that made you forget how to even pronounce words, the sincerity sounding too real for you to brush it off as a joke. Thankfully, his phone received a message, giving you the perfect opportunity to turn around and hide the blush in your face while grabbing what you needed to cook.

“Hyung, will you stay for dinner?” The small voice caused you to close your eyes, slightly cursing at yourself for not having asked that to Wooseok before.

“Ah, I don’t think I can tonight, buddy… maybe next time, yes?” He ruffled the little one’s hair before grabbing his stuff and walking to the door. “Sorry to leave so hurriedly but I have to be somewhere, is it–”

“Yes!” It wasn’t your intention to raise your voice like that, but the mix of emotions inside you was hard to control. “I mean, yeah… it’s totally fine, don’t worry.”

“I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Mhmm.”

If you tried to talk again, you were almost sure that you wouldn’t be able to hide anything, so the only option was to give a short, simple answer. You could sense his hesitation but still the door closed behind you, the air becoming much lighter.

A sigh caught your attention. “I wanted hyung to stay…”

You smiled picking up the kid and handing him the plastic mixing bowl he liked to play with. “Me too, baby, me too.”

After that day, none of you exchanged more words or looks than necessary. He would get home right on time for you to go work, and as soon as he came he would say goodbye. The atmosphere had somehow became more awkward than the first day you met each other again, and it was hard for you to figure how to change it. Each time you were about to ask if he wanted to stay, he had already left the apartment, your anxiety increasing. You didn’t want him to think that you were merely using him as a babysitter, although you had to recognize that it helped you out quite a lot and even more during holidays.

The couch welcomed your body as you flipped the pages of one an album, the unusual silence making you feel lonely and causing you to come up with ways to find comfort, old photos apparently doing the work. You had asked for the day off and it was also the birthday of a friend of your kid, so you dropped him there early and now a good few hours awaited… but it had been so long since the last time you had an opportunity like this that you weren’t sure what to do.

Getting overwhelmed with the nostalgia, you left the photo album on top of the small table and went to your room, taking off the old pajamas and instead trying on a dress you hadn’t worn in a long time. It looked nice… and it also felt nice. You tried fixing your hair in different ways, laughing when you realized you had been making faces in front of the mirror for the past ten minutes.

A knock on the door interrupted your fun, nervousness starting to settle in your system while you tried to remember whether you had told Wooseok that he didn’t need to come today or not. When you got to the door, taking a glance through the peephole was enough to confirm your suspicions: you hadn’t. Hiding behind the door, you opened, him walking right inside with a heavy bag, stopping a second to take off his shoes and then continued, slumping down on the couch.

“I brought the games you asked for, kiddo, better come here before your mom leaves or… Wow.” His eyes finally looked your way when you closed the door, his mouth dropping open before he cleared his throat and stared at the bag he had. “Where is–”

“He had a birthday party today.” He froze. “And I have the day off.” You could see his posture change. “I forgot to tell you, I’m so sorry–”

Not a second later, he stood up, picking up the bag and walking to the entrance. “That’s fine, don’t worry, I’ll leave right now.”

This was your chance, and it was slipping right between your fingers, so you took it. His steps came to a halt, the grip on his sleeve making it impossible for him to move and you made the biggest effort to get over your fear.

“Would you like to stay?” Wooseok didn’t say anything. “You already came all the way here… and I’ve meant to thank you for these past months.” What a ridiculous excuse.

As if he could read your mind, he turned around, giving you a half smile. “I would like that.”

It was your turn to freeze, appreciating the small distance that separated both of your hands before waking up from the trance to go to the kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Mhmm.”

The silence prolonged, although the weird feeling that was present the other days had vanished. You weren’t sure if something changed, but it made you feel relieved. Quickly, you prepared a cup for each, smiling to yourself when you noticed you still remembered the way he liked it. When you turned around, he wasn’t behind you, but rather checking the album you were flipping through before on the couch. You handed him his cup, cautiously analyzing his expression when he took a sip of it and feeling warm when he smiled.

“Glad you like it.”

You sat next to him, getting comfortable as you peeped over his shoulder to see the picture he was staring at fondly, your heart tumbling seeing it was you and him years ago, the dress you were wearing looking more alive than now. And the look in your eyes was different too, even if it wasn’t evident because you were staring at Wooseok laughing, one of the few pictures you had of him doing it.

“You looked beautiful that day.” It seemed as if he was talking to himself, studying the picture and comparing it with his drawing. “Just like now.”

Taking compliments wasn’t your biggest talent and he knew that, flipping the page and stopping abruptly at the envelope that rested in the next one. The edges were worn out from the amount of times you had opened it to read the letter inside, the words in it becoming your healing song whenever you faced a hardship in the past.

“Ah, that–”

“I can’t believe you kept it.” His eyes looked sad as his fingers caressed his own calligraphy spelling your name on the front.

You had to swallow before answering. “It’s precious to me.”

“My confession letter?” He laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. “It was so bad.”

Even if he was talking about himself, it made you feel offended, grabbing it and holding it close to your chest. “It’s not!” Wooseok stared at you wide eyed. “The only bad thing was the timing.”

He couldn’t hold back his laugh. “You are right there… I don’t know what was I expecting.” He scratched the back of his head.

“The truth, I guess.”

“What?”

Was there any use in lying about it now? “Well, I liked you too… but I was already dating with–”

“The asshole.”

You chuckled. “Yeah.”

The silence grew between you two, but this time Wooseok was the one to cut it.

“You never told me.”

Shrugging, you caressed the letter. “When I had made up my mind, you had left and I was pregnant, so… I thought the right thing was to move on.”

Wooseok’s piercing gaze was fixed on you, but the confessions were too many for you to face him while saying it out loud, so you kept fidgeting with the end of your dress, remembering how he had complimented you back then during your birthday party and how later his hands had been on the exact same place when you shared your first kiss. The next day you pretended nothing had happened, afraid to ruin the friendship, and it wasn’t until a year later that the paper between your hands confessed that he had done the exact same thing for the exact same reason. But it was too late.

“And what do you think is the right thing now?” You raised your head, finding Wooseok just a few centimeters away from you.

“I don’t know…” Your eyes dropped to his mouth. “I don’t think it matters, either.”

Just like that, his lips were on yours, the same feelings that invaded you that one time making themselves notice again. The electricity itched in your fingertips as the letter slipped of them, his hand resting on the back of your neck to bring you closer, stealing your breath right after you recovered it over and over again. You lost track of time, your chest welling up with all the repressed feelings as he held you between his arms, feeling weightless under his touch and becoming conscious of the burning sensation that his fingers left on your skin as he traced senseless figures on it.

When he finally pulled away, both shared the stupidest grins.

“That felt right, at least.”

Maybe it was the dress, or the kiss, or the situation, or simply Wooseok, but for the first time in years you laughed the way you did back then, and he did the same. Silently, you thanked to the objects next to you for helping you recreate a new cherished memory, although you were sure you wouldn’t need anything to remember this one.

The coffee went cold as the two of you kept talking about the past, confessing each other small secrets, some reminiscing of ancient times while others were incredibly recent, like him saying he was really happy when you cured the small wound on his face, or you telling him that you really loved his voice when he sang and that you wanted to hear it again since that night, or him explaining that the reason why he always left was because he didn’t trust his friend Seungyoun to take care of his apartment not one bit (sometimes threatening him to move his whole studio there).

A familiar melody caught your attention, making you grab your phone and pick up the call ignoring Wooseok’s mocking faces (“that’s my song”), nodding a few times before hanging up.

“The party is about to finish… do you want to walk with me there? It’s not very far away from here.”

“Sure, but under one condition.” You hummed for him to continue as you got up. “Keep the dress on. It really looks pretty on you.”

If it weren’t because you were in a rush, you would have called him out on his cheesiness, but secretly you appreciated it. “Shut up.”

Not ten minutes later you were already walking down the street, close to each other without being able to erase your silly grins from your faces. As you got close to the address, you saw your son running towards you, immediately blabbering about all he had done during the day and greeting Wooseok as if nothing. A few blocks later, he was complaining about walking, saying he was too tired for it and demanding to be picked up and of course Wooseok gave in immediately, the child falling asleep on his shoulder in record time as you continued walking. You felt a small touch on your hand, turning to see the male’s fingers hitting yours on purpose while pretending to look away until you finally held his hand, intertwining your fingers with his.

“You know…” His voice was soft as if to not wake up the toddler. “I could get used to this.” His eyes dropped to your hands and then to his other arm holding your kid. “If you agree on it, of course.”

The tightness in your throat didn’t let you answer, just like the day he had handed you the letter, but this time you simply nodded and kissed the back of his hand, ignoring the pressure in your chest. “I would like that.”

Wooseok pressed his lips together, his eyes becoming small as he tried to hide his happiness.

“I would like that too.”

A sleepy voice added its opinion: “Me too!”

I’m... quite proud of this one. Yes, it’s fucking long for the kind of stories I tend to write but it just;; happened;;; I really hope you enjoyed it tho kasjkdjks. I was going to try and make the child gender neutral but since I wanted them to interact plenty with the kid I just went for he/him pronouns to fit the gif ^^;

~Nani

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tillidontneedfantasy · 4 years

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‘Future Nostalgia’ - Dua Lipa REVIEW: Changing the game through timeless pop.

Pop music is important. It distracts us, it brings us joy, it makes us dance, it attaches itself to memories forever. This is Dua Lipa’s blueprint for her sophomore release, Future Nostalgia. It’s there in the name; she wants her music to be everlasting, so that it can be branded with one of the fondest descriptors possible: nostalgic.

Quite an ambitious objective, but not surprising for 2019′s Best New Artist Grammy winner. There is great pressure that comes with such a title, but Dua has proved herself worthy of it on Future Nostalgia. She does not just want to be the best new artist, but one of the best artists, period. “You want a timeless song, I wanna change the game,” is the opening line of the album and title track. Luckily, we all win in this scenario; although the song itself might not be the game changer, there are plenty of tracks on the album that are game changers because they have a timeless feel to them, which is not something many of her contemporaries are doing.

Future Nostalgia’s only drawback is that there is not much lyrical depth; despite misconception, pop music can explore profundity, especially considering the subject matters of love and heartbreak, which are prominent themes of the album. However, I can accept and respect pop music that operates closer to surface level as well, especially when it’s done as well as it is on Future Nostalgia; I mean, I’m not complaining.

STRONGEST TRACK(S): “Don’t Start Now,” “Pretty Please”

Has there ever been a lead single as strong as “Don’t Start Now”? Co-writers and producers for the track include Ian Kirkpatrick, Emily Warren and Caroline Ailin, all of whom penned her excellent breakout song, “New Rules” (sans Lipa) in 2017. The song is split into three segments- verse, pre-chorus, and chorus- all of which sound distinctly different from the others, yet feel like such a natural equation. The bongos in the chorus and the later addition of a string section over the synths, leading to a full and rich final chorus just throw you for such an exciting loop, it is impossible to not have fun listening to this song. On top of the melodic genius of the song, its straightforward lyrical message is just as empowering as the music itself. “Don’t Start Now” is Dua’s expression of liberation from the pain of a heartbreak, and a warning to the breaker in question not to come crawling back when he sees how much she is thriving, and boy, is she!

Despite the enormous success of both “New Rules” and “Don’t Start Now,” Kirkpatrick and Ailin only work with Dua on one other track of the album, “Pretty Please,” and it should come as a surprise to no one that it is the next strongest song on the record. Penned alongside singer-songwriter phenomenon Julia Michaels and co-produced by Juan Ariza, “Pretty Please,” a track about needing the sweet relief of a lover, is one of the album’s few breathers. And in it, Lipa is asking for a breather herself: “when my mind is running wild, could you help me slow it down?” she asks, and then the song brilliantly does just that when she sings the next line, “put my mind at ease,” before returning to its original speed. There are other great musical tricks sprinkled throughout the song, such as a sound that mimics the feeling of the line “trickle down my spine.” The track continues to build musically but is never too much, it’s always just right.

WEAKEST TRACK: “Boys Will Be Boys”

She tried with this one. She really did. Look, I love a song with a strong feminist message as much as the next girl, but this one was just a swing and a miss. The first verse of “Boys Will Be Boys” starts off strong, quite accurately depicting the fear women face on a daily basis, the way we have to alter our behavior to keep ourselves safe. But with each verse, it feels less sincere and more contrived, with lyrics such as “in case you needed it mansplained” and “if you’re offended by this song, you’re clearly doing something wrong.” Additionally, it is an odd closer for an album full of fun pop songs; it’s possible it is there as a warning for anyone who might get to the end of the album and think negatively of how she asserts her femininity and sexuality in a way throughout that is universally accepted when men do the same. And while the intended message is indeed important and true, it lacks the necessary delivery.

THE IN-BETWEENS

The delivery on the lust-filled, dance-inducing tracks are much more effective. “Cool,” an incredibly infectious song about losing control around the person you’re into, experiments with Dua’s vocal abilities and range, with pointed squeaks at the end of her words and a gorgeous switch into her lower register at the beginning of the final chorus. “Physical,” the second official single, is an intense and wildly fun song that could work as the soundtrack for a long drive, a night at the bar with friends, or in a workout class. While the album very successful achieves sonic cohesion, it can sometimes get a bit tiresome; “Hallucinate” feels like it was made simply to be played at festivals, and although the lyrical sentiment of “Love Again” is nice enough it could have been a moment for a more subtle musical departure.

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “Levitating”

Never thought I’d be such a fan of a song that uses the term “sugarboo,” yet, here I am. No track on the record quite captures the concept of “future nostalgia” as well as “Levitating” does, with its futuristic sounds and lyrics that I can imagine we will be singing forever (yes, even the “sugarboo” bit!). In every way, it perfectly encapsulates the pure elation that comes with meeting someone and feeling a heaven-made connection. Every element of this song makes it a necessary single choice: it’s extremely catchy, it has a perfect tempo for anyone of any age to dance to it, “yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!”s, and lyrics in the hook that are perfectly spaced out to remember and chant (”you! moonlight! you’re my! starlight!”). Bruno Mars WISHES he wrote it; it feels like a song for which everyone would get up at a wedding to dance for years and years to come. I, for one, will get up every time, at least.

***

It’s impossible that Dua could have predicted while creating her album that this would be the state of the world at the time of its release. Many artists with new projects have decided to cancel or postpone their releases until further notice due to the COVID-19 pandemic. This is understandable for a myriad of reasons, from the inability to properly promote the work to feeling as if it just might not be the appropriate time. Although it might feel like there is little to dance about right now with the world crumbling around us, Future Nostalgia gives us reason, now and for the future, when we can hopefully look back and remember an album that provided us levity in our darkest hour. So stay indoors, facetime your sugarboo, and thank whatever the hell you pray to for pop music. Grade: 4/5

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: I have been a casual fan of Dua since “New Rules” exploded on Tumblr in 2017, but not much more. However, I have a specific fondness for her, as my favorite client of all time was a huge fan of her shortly after, so when I listen to Dua it reminds me of her. I hope she’s loving this album and that it’s bringing her joy and comfort in this uncertain time. I’m a huge proponent for female pop artists and the meticulousness of their craft, and I think Dua has done an excellent job of taking constructive criticism and improving, utilizing her strengths in a way that blur out her weaknesses. The release of “Don’t Start Now” felt like a turning point in her stardom, and this album is the proof. I really would like to see some stronger lyrical work from Dua, as I feel there are little to no moments on the album where I feel impressed or particularly moved by any line, and although I love and support fun and light pop music, I think it’s also very possible to have upbeat pop music with much sharper lyrics. I think she kind of tried but the few times she did they didn’t quite land. If she had a couple of songs stronger on the lyrical front, this would have been a nearly perfect album for me. But for a sophomore effort, this is great. It feels like a nice breath of fresh air in a time that’s filled with anxiety-ridden gasps, and I’m grateful for it.

#dua lipa #future nostalgia #don't start now #cool #physical #levitating #pretty please #hallucinate #love again #break my heart #good in bed #boys will be boys #emily warren #ian kirkpatrick #julia michaels #new rules

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a-patheticapathetic · 3 years

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Rishloo - Feathergun: Review

New year, new me. Let’s repeat that until it becomes true.

There seems to be a pattern with how I discover music. At a very young age, I hear a song in a very specific circumstance. It has a big impact on me, but I make absolutely zero effort to check out any of the artist’s other music and instead meander onto another earworm. Then, years later, I have another chance meeting with the same song/album/artist and fall completely down a rabbithole that foundationally changes my taste in music. It happened with Radiohead (High and Dry as one of the default songs in the original Rocksmith), Queens of the Stone Age (Lost Art of Keeping a Secret in a stick figure animation), and Nine Inch Nails (Hurt (Quiet) on Spotify radio). Then, there was this strange song called “Scissorlips” that I saw on a very small Rock Band 3 drum channel. I showed it to my brother because of how fun the chart looked, and made the mistake of watching his reaction to the video. His disinterest embarrassed me enough that I never chased the music. That is, of course, until many years later, when I was introduced to Tool. The rest is history, and is frankly stalling me from starting the actual review. Let’s get to it.

Scissorlips - 8/10

The strange, dark jungle the album begins with is a nice representation of the album cover, although it won’t rule over the entire runtime. Don’t let the de-tuned guitar under the vocals deter you; the rest of the guitarwork here is beautiful. As we reach the pre-chorus, the percussionists may hear why I was interested in this song as a kid. This is also where the sonic background really opens up, swallowing you for a moment before the intro verse comes back. The lyricism here is also very abstract, yet isn’t impossible to follow. A couple of metallic bites taken out of the mostly psychedelic walls of guitars, then, the first of many beautiful delay effects. The build-up got me pretty good when I heard this so many years ago, and It’s still damn good. For the love. There are so many guitar lines here that just intertwine and enlace you. Then, something a bit heavier (yet oddly hopeful) to round the song out.

Turning Sheep into Goats - 7/10

This intro is more of what can be expected for the rest of the album, sonically speaking. A lone guitar with delay playing a complicated and alluring line in a strange time signature, then built upon. The path you may assume this song will follow is extremely suddenly changed at the chorus, the vocals really driving it home. Then, back into that nice opening riff like nothing happened. The next time that chorus comes thundering around, listen to that low guitar and the way it combines with the drums. Then drop out the ugliness into a floating mesh of palm mutes and synthetic strings. And don’t miss the fl

Systematomatic - 7/10

awless transition into the next song. Immediately, a new riff rises from the pond of reverb. You may not identify it immediately, but don’t worry, you’ll get more chances to. Very fast guitar-work that somehow doesn't sound so frantic, although the chorus definitely has a certain desperation to it. The mood gets heavy again, before quickly sliding into a strange, feverish haze. Some hits of percussion, then a recontexutalized and slower return to the riff at the start of the song. Weave us back into war.

River of Glass - 8/10

Now this is an ear-catching introduction. What seems to be a calm wave of delay is punctuated by war drums and a grimier lead. The mood builds, then crescendos into the song proper. The chorus is hear damn near immediately, and is extremely catchy for prog. This album is really just full of extremely memorable vocals, and the instrumentals complement them perfectly. We get two goes-around before we fall into these twisting and sliding strings. The drummer is also on his A-game here. Then, the guitars push into the clouds before coming back down with another short but heavy low. Then it all cuts out for a second, juts to make the burst into the final chorus that much more effective.

Keyhole in the Sky - 7/10

This one is simpler, but also very filling and peaceful. Unfortunately it does begin to showcase my only problem with this album; the vocals are mixed too loud at times. And while the singer is absolutely incredible, sometimes I’d like the instrumentals to breathe a bit more. The walls of high guitar come back around, this time feeling much more friendly and familiar. One last chorus, closing on a quiet note. Though it’s not over; an alien feedback loop and somber, echoey horn passage lead us into the next track

Downhill - 10/10

This song has two main phases, and is absolutely perfect throughout. An easy start; a relatively simple and serene riff fed through a pleasant delay pedal, with some subtle synth and bass backing. The vocals shine through, as clear as ever. And wave, goodbye. Then, like stepping through a portal into phase one. A very interesting, rhythmic and almost bluesy instrumental accompanies the title-drop. Then, we fall for miles down a well of piano. The bottom greets us with a moonlit key solo, then an incredible Floydian guitar solo. Hanging on the last note, phase two begins with an ominous drone and repeating guitar line. The drums rise, give a false start. then... perfection. I cannot do phase two justice with words. Just close your eyes, listen, and be swept away in what I believe to be one of the greatest vocal performances of all time.

Lost.

Feathergun in the Garden of the Sun - 9/10

Not to be outdone by the previous masterpiece, the title track opens with another wonderful soundscape, before the distortion comes in. The drums pick up the tension, bringing us into the pre-chorus. That riff is going to be impossible to tap your foot to at first, but the next ones should be easier. And here we have perhaps the best chorus on the record; extremely powerful in writing and execution on the parts of every band member. The second time around is just as good as the first, then the brdige begins. Ready, aim... The heaviest riff on the album, and an abrupt switch into the last chorus. Fade out.

Dreamcatcher - 7/10

A nice break from the intensity. This feels like a peaceful tidepool on an alien world, with creatures and colors beyond the world floating around my head. Short but sweet.

Diamond Eyes - 6/10

By no means bad, I do feel like this one may be the weakest track on the album. While it’s certainly beautiful, I feel like it doesn’t do a whole lot that’s new or interesting. Also, when listening at high volume (which is the proper way to listen to this album), the faults in the mixing really rear their ugly heads during the choruses. Still, there are some very pleasant rolling delay loops here during the bridge, and a nice and satisfying buildup towards the end.

Katsushika - 7/10

While the guitar opening this track may be the most straight-forward and least effects-driven riff we’ve heard so far, this song will eventually become the most alien one of the entire lineup. In a good way, of course. I can barely even decipher exactly what’s going on in the instrumentation during that build. The chorus also ends with a nice drop-off into the next verse. You may be noticing a pattern with the songwriting, where the chorus usually leads into the second verse, following the pattern of the first one but with more layering. I like it; it gives the ideas present more time to mature and develop. Anyways, here comes the bridge, where everything changes. Out of everything going on here, I feel like the drums and the background vocals are the most striking thing about this outro. What a fantastic progression and dropout. Beautiful monsters.

Weevil Bride - 8/10

The finale. This riff here is extremely well-done. The tone here is somehow piercingly bright and concerningly dark at the same time. The lyricals themes of the album also come to a head here. This chorus is another incredibly written and performed beast; just wait until it’s modulated. The second verse lays away with the subtleties and strikes at the head. And I just need to know that everything is fine, and everyone’s alright. This bridge also kicks ass, with its heart-pouding combination of guitars and toms. Then, comes the heaviest part of the entire album: Yes, please. Then we are snapped out of the masochism and lifted back to hear the main point of the album, before the intro riff carries us into an uncertain but complete conclusion. After the “true” song ends, there is a long passage of somber horns and a tranquil, almost lullaby-esque keyboard. There’s something extremely nostalgic about this outro to me, but I still can’t put my finger on where it comes from. This section almost feels like the music they play after the end of a play, as the lights come on and you make your way down the dimly-lit theater steps on slightly numb and shaky legs. The story is over; this is your time to reflect.

The main reason I wanted to write about this album in particular is because I feel like it hasn’t gotten the attention it’s deserved. It truly feels like a masterpiece worthy of widespread recognition and praise, but despite being released over a decade ago, few people have even heard of this band. It feels like injustice, not only for Rishloo’s efforts, but for the people who would connect with this album as much as I have. Also, there’s the slightly selfish hope that increased attention would incentivize the band to work on more new stuff, or better yet, remaster their older works.

In any case, It’s very late, my back hurts because my spine hates my nervous system, and I need to actually get to sleep tonight so I can heal the godforsaken nerve that wedged itself in my inner workings yesterday. On a scale from “Your all-time low just lowered again”, to “Want some? Yes, please”, I give Feathergun a “Oh, what beautiful monsters”.

#music #music recommendation #music reccs #album review #track review #rishloo #feathergun

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rhiminee · 4 years

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Therapy Sessions: Track by track feels

So ok I’ve had time to listen to David’s new album *mumble hundred* times since it came out earlier this week and I think I finally am ready to share my thoughts and feelings as I listen to each song. Sorry this took a few days. I’ve had some personal things going on and I wanted to be in a clearer state of mind before I wrote all this down. :) Here we go!!!

Track 1 - Paralyzed

This song. This song is like a whole different side of David. I honestly don’t usually have favorites of any album but this song is such a favorite of mine. I almost don’t think it’s fair because this is the only song off the album that I’ve seen him perform in concert and that’s a huge factor for me. He SLAYS this live. It’s been out since last August and it’s so next level. It’s almost like it comes from another universe??? Not that there’s a single thing wrong with the rest of the album it’s just that this song is WOW. Its like its own entity. It’s a banger and an anthem and I could listen to it 24/7. David wails on it and you feel every second with a sense of urgency. Honestly one of my favorite things he’s ever done. Wait. Change that. It’s my favorite song he’s ever done. Period.

Track 2 - You Worry

This title is such a false lead! lol. I thought ok this is gonna be about trying to control your worries and how to be positive, etc. But spoiler alert: David Archuleta is a sneaky cupcake. DON’T YOU WORRY BOUT ME. icu what you did there David. This song is just such a mood. It starts off kinda slow but then it kicks up after the first verse and you know David is messing with you. It’s almost got a reggae type chill vibe to it with the ya-da-da-da-da and the melody. Or maybe that’s just me. “I’ve got my reasons why I am the way I am, so don’t you worry me”. “Living life in a bubble still comes with it’s troubles, I’ve still got a lot to learn about me but that’s ok.” This reminds me of a more mature version of Other Things In Sight from his last album. Like he was a bit bothered in OTIS but now he’s just like whatev. lol. I love it!! One of my faves from this album.

Track 3 - Ok, All Right

This is the 2nd of 3 songs on this album that we had already heard when the album was released. This song is fun and a good mantra for 2020 to try to keep ourselves sane. We need it. I like the sassiness of this and the unexpected changes in melody! David did an acoustic version of it during his launch party that I’m fully 100% in deep love with. Check it out if you get a chance.

Track 4 - Patient

Oh hi, song that I love! I don’t know why I love this so much but I would put it in my top songs on the album. Maybe it’s the stutter singing (is that what you call it??? Le-le-le-le-le-let me know) it makes my heart feel joyful. “I tell myself remember, remember to breathe, I’m trying to be patient, so won’t you please be patient, be patient with me” “Jump the gun, tend to run off at the mouth, I see that it’s in your eyes” “Find the beauty in the letting go, hurry up and learn to take it slow”. It’s almost got a bit of an R&B feel to it. Is that just me?? Maybe it’s just me. I have a pure love for this song. It just makes me so happy listening to it.

Track 5 - Need

This one of only two slower tempo songs on the album (Just Breathe is the other). David uses his lower register, especially in the first verse. Honestly when this song started I was like...is this a duet? Who is singing? Lmao. It was David. In addition to it being a lower register there’s almost a bit of a slurry quality to his pronunciation when he sings here. Or maybe it’s an overlay for the song? Idk. His voice just sounds different to me here. I’m gonna be honest and say this is my least favorite track on the album. Maybe I need to listen more. It’s not a bad song, just not my vibe and the vocals throw me off a bit. Listen and let me know what y’all think!

Track 6 - Brave

This song is such a change of pace from the previous one! It’s got an intriguing percussive cadence in the beginning, fast singing with short phrases and then bursts out into long soaring notes in the chorus, braaaaaaaaaaave!! It’s also has the honor of containing the lyric “bit me in the butt” and I laughed so hard I had had to start the song over. I really like this one!

Track 7 - Good in the Bad

THIS SONG. I wasn’t sure what to think the first time I listened. My brain was like, do I like this? Then the second time I was like, ok yeah. Then the third time and the next 500 times I was like, hi you are my true love. Seriously my level of obsession with this song now. If Paralyzed wasn’t on this album this would be my favorite song. I don’t think Paralyzed should count because yeah it’s a phenomenon and should not be compared to anything else. So. This is my favorite song on the album. I love love love love it. I can’t stop listening. “When it all goes wrong and you’re having a moment, you got to go all out, go bring back the sun out. And if it all goes wrong and you’re living in darkness, well that’s the only way the stars can shine” YES SIR “Fear is like a magnet that keeps pulling you down, so take another look because yeah it won’t take you long, give a break to your mind”. I don’t know why this song speaks so much to me but it does. Maybe because I tend to get stuck worrying about worst case and bad things that could happen and have happened. I know you can’t just ignore that stuff but idk this song just hit me different. Also the cadence and beat really drives the message. I just love everything about it.

Track 8 - Switch

Omg yep. #2 fav song after Good in the Bad. This is such an earworm! Honestly very radio friendly song. “why do i do that why do i do that” that hook. I always hit the switch and the tables start to flip, then the walls come up again, the beginning starts to end. why do i do that. Y’all. I feel that on every level. You need this song in your life. Along with Paralyzed it’s one of only two songs on this album that’s just plainly stating here’s my problem without offering a solution or “hey it’s ok we’re all like that”. I appreciate that David offers these songs too. I know and completely understand that for him music is about offering a message and hope and help to others. That’s one thing I love so much about him. But I also like that sometimes he just says here’s my issues. The humanity jumped out, that sometimes we’re just critical of ourselves without positive thoughts. Sometimes you just wanna be sad or mad at yourself. There’s time later to re-focus. It’s ok to just claim that personal honesty for a bit. If that even makes sense. But yeah. Love love this song. It’s a true jam.

Track 9 - Just Breathe

This song is like a bath in warm silk after you’ve been cold and lonely. It’s an experience. It’s like meditation in song form. Refreshing and hypnotizing. ‘I am not weak I am strong, there is still more I can offer. Someday you’ll see the better version of me. When it all stops spinning, when it all slows down. I was swimming deeper but I didn’t drown. Just breathe. So I open up to the flow and learn to love you as we go, until I don’t think I just know.’ It’s like a midsummer night’s dream in song form. <3

Track 10 - Future Self

So true and surprisingly funny! This is such a quirky song. Any song that references reddit and smash bros gets an A+ in my book lol. I was surprised because a lot of times the last track is kind of a throw way imho but this one had me smiling and bopping! It’s a love letter to finding yourself and being kind to yourself.

Final thoughts:

You guys are gonna laugh because I feel like I say this anytime a new album comes out but I honestly think this is my favorite album that David has ever done. It’s cohesive and fun to listen to and says a lot without being too heavy. It’s so awesome to see the progression in David’s music but even more so to know it’s a reflection of the progression in his life. He’s not afraid to say he’s got issues but he has been working hard on facing those and making strides. It shows in his music. I feel a sense of joy I haven’t heard before. This album is so good. The production quality, the vocals are on point, the beats are stellar. Please check it out if you haven’t already!

http://lnkfi.re/TherapySessions

#david archuleta #therapy sessions #this album is amazing #thoughts and feels #lots of words #my wrists got sore typing all this

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bazzybelle · 4 years

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Carry On Countdown - Day Twelve

Note: Cool… how about a healing fic after that heavy one from yesterday, yeah? So… I changed this idea like 10 times. Then, I had an idea I liked with a song I love (Still Crazy - Paolo Nutini) and wrote out like almost 1500 words. Unfortunately, I heard this Pink song on my Spotify and I saw the conversations described below in my head and they WOULD. NOT. LEAVE! So, I put my original idea to the side and followed this little trail of breadcrumbs and here we are.

Lyrics and title inspired by “You Get My Love” by Pink.

Thank you to @carryonsimoncarryonbaz and @fight-surrender for beta-reading my work and for helping me find Simon’s voice.

Day 12 Prompt: Song/Music Inspired

Title: You Get My Love

________________________________________________________________

While you were sleepin', I decided to lay it out. Every bad reason. All of my pointless doubts. While you were dreamin’, I handed you all my fears. My thoughtless decisions, turned into thoughtful tears.

SIMON

Crowley, he’s perfect.

I’m lying in bed right now, staring at Baz. He has his back turned to me, but the steady rise and fall of his chest confirms to me that he is asleep. He is so quiet when he sleeps, and so peaceful. I want to reach over and plant a kiss on his cheek, but I don’t dare. Not after the fight we just had. I’m lucky he’s even here after what I said to him.

But Baz always comes back.

I made a whole mess of things, again. We were doing fine today. It had been a good day, but I went about and ruined it, like I always ruin things. The fight came about as I was going through the laundry. I had made a mistake and accidentally put a black sock in with the whites. All of my white shirts were now a dirty grey colour. Not even the beautiful, deep-sea grey like Baz’s eyes, but a washed up, milky grey. Baz walked into the room and fixed everything with a flick of his wand.

I lost my shit. I was fucking furious. “I don’t need your bloody magic, Baz. Magic doesn’t fix everything,” I ranted. Baz just stood there, arms crossed, silent.. I was so enraged and Baz just stood there, with that look I on his face, I could see the pity in his eyes.

That’s when I went nuclear and said the one thing I promised I would never say to him:

“Just LEAVE, BAZ! I want you to leave!” Baz looked at me as if I had punched him in the face. He looked at the ground for a second and pushed his long hair away from his eyes. I heard a sharp inhale of breath as his eyes met mine, grey-eyes turned cloudy.

“Do you? Do you want me to leave, Simon?” He was so calm. I should have said no. I should have grabbed his hands and pulled him closer to me. I should have buried his head in the crook of my neck and apologized.

But I was… So. Fucking. Angry. That I delivered that emotional knockout instead.

“YES! LEAVE!” I regretted it as soon as the words left my lips. Baz’s eyes flashed a second of sadness. Only a second, and then he put up his mask again and walked out of the bedroom. My heart sank to my stomach and I began to panic.

“Fuck-- wait! Baz...”

“I need some air.” His voice sounded so shaky and so broken. It was a punch to my gut.

“Come back… please��” I whispered. Baz sighed deeply, and walked out the door. I was left alone with my thoughts and my regrets. I growled and punched one of Penny’s throw pillows, sending dust motes flying. I remember thinking that this was it. This was the argument that would end us. This was the line that would be too far for Baz.

But, he came back. I was so scared that he would stay away and never come back, but he came back.

Baz always comes back.

Baz was quiet, subdued. He asked me if I wanted him to stay the night. I nodded, so he stayed. We spent the remainder of the evening in silence. Baz and I both read quietly (him, a book about archeology; me, a Lucifer graphic novel). Penny had come in and noticed the tension between us, but she didn’t say anything. She just grabbed my shoulder and lightly gave Baz’s arm a squeeze.

Now, we’re in bed, but not talking. It’s what we do… We don’t talk. We don’t know how to talk to each other. I don’t know how to talk to Baz. I wish I knew what to say to him. I wish I could find the words to tell him how I feel inside. But it’s so hard. It’s so hard to look at him and bear my heart.

I look at him now, face turned away from me, his hair fanned out behind him. I reach out and lightly touch it. I know it won’t wake him. Baz isn’t a heavy sleeper, but it’ll take more than a touch of his hair to wake him. I settle into the sheets and play with a silken strand, twisting it in my fingers.

“I’m such an idiot.” I say it so quietly, though I know he can’t hear me. Maybe this is how I find the words to say to him. I continue to run my fingers through his hair and watch him breathing. I love him so much. Maybe eventually, I’ll be able to tell him this when he’s awake.

“Everytime I think I’m getting better, something like this happens and I feel like all the work I put in was for nothing.” I’ve been going back to therapy for almost six months. My therapist and I were working on avoiding projecting my negative thoughts and fears onto those I care about. We were working on isolating every bad thought and actively challenging them. I have gotten pretty good at it, but I slip up sometimes. Usually when my emotions take control of my thoughts.

I turn away from Baz and lay on my back. I stare at the ceiling for a while, before covering my eyes with my arm. I groan in frustration, but I continue to open up.

“I know I piss you off… I piss myself off! All the time.” I violently throw my arms up in the air. I remember that Baz is sleeping and I lower my voice. I don’t want to wake him up. I’ve hurt him enough for one night.

I stare at a small crack in the ceiling for what seems like hours (really, it was probably a few seconds) before I proceed. “I want to get better. Crowley knows I’m trying so fucking hard…” My voice cracks a little into a croak. I look at him once more. It hurts me to see him like this.

Alone. Cold. Isolated.

“I-I… I just…” I look away and squeezed my eyes shut. I’m NOT doing this now! I’m not going to break down and sob. I breathe in sharply and try to steady my feelings. This is probably the only time in my life where I’m grateful that I don’t have magic anymore. If I did, it would be spewing all over the flat, waking Baz up.

I shift my body to face him once more. I reach for his hair and run my fingers through it. His breathing is still steady and soft. I’m thankful that he’s still fast asleep. I whisper, mostly into the pillow. “I don’t want to lose you, Baz.”

I can feel warm tears brimming my eyes. I go on. I can’t stop now. “I don’t want you to find a reason to leave.” I feel my chest beginning to lighten up. My shoulders hunch over and the tears start flowing freely. Crowley, how long has it been since they flowed easily like this?

I turn away again. I run my fingers through my hair and tug at the roots. This is too much. It’s too fucking much. I need to stop. I need to stop and sleep on the couch or something.

But he’s here. He came back.

Baz always comes back.

My tears will not stop fucking flowing. I feel so pathetic. I can’t even keep it together while spilling my guts to my boyfriend… and he’s not even awake to hear anything! I don’t look at him this time, but I still talk. I talk to the crack on my ceiling.

“But you’re so… you. And I still think you’d be better with someone less fucked up… less me.”

My shoulders start shuddering and I start finding it difficult to maintain a steady flow of air. I slowly sit up in the bed and pull my knees close to my chest. I find it hard to believe that Baz is still sleeping. Normally, he’d be up as soon as I move. He must have been much more exhausted than he was letting on.

I look at him for a little while, and then turn away once more.

“So I yell… and I tell you to leave. And I push you away.” I wring my hands while I speak. I cover my eyes with them and wipe futilely at the tears. I bury my head in my knees and I whisper faintly. “And I turn away because I can’t take you rejecting me.”

I take a couple of moments to let the tears flow without fighting them. I continue to try and control my breathing.

In. Out.

Deep breath in. Slow breath out.

I lift my head and lean back against the headboard. I’ve calmed down. My tears have stopped. I look over to him. He’s fucking beautiful. He’s so patient and so good. He deserves someone who can be stable and who can love him in the way that he deserves to be loved. He deserves someone who will not yell at him to leave and then ask him to stay.

I reach out to touch him again, but I stop myself. I rub the back of my neck and start to think back to one of my therapy sessions. “I shouldn’t project my fears onto you. It isn’t fair to you. You’ve been nothing but supportive.”

Baz was so happy when I told him I was going to go back and start trying to get better and to heal. He is always ready to listen to whatever I need to say to him and never pushing me to talk until I’m ready to do so. He’ll make me tea during my sessions, so that it’s ready by the time I’m done. If I ask him to, he’ll sit nearby in case I need to hold his hand, or if I need to feel him close to me. And if I need him to give me space, all it takes is a single look and he’ll busy himself in another room.

“You give me space when I need it, and you come back when I need you.”

He comes back. Baz always comes back. Now, I’m ready to come back to him. I lower myself back into the bed and under the sheets. I touch the ends of his hair and twirl my fingers through them.

“I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry Baz…” I whisper to him once more. I am. I’m so sorry. “I’m a fucking mess. I’m made of nothing but broken parts and I’m trying to keep myself together, but I can’t stay together.”

I can feel my heart starting to slow down. I think I needed to let all of this out. I feel as though a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I can feel my eyelids beginning to fall. They feel so heavy, that I am finding it so difficult to keep them open. Before I start to drift off, I chance it, and wrap one of my arms around Baz’s waist and snuggle up close to him. If he hears anything tonight let it be this.

“I need you Baz. You keep me together. Don’t leave me.”

I’m no longer hidin’, though you’re not awake to leave. I can tell by your breathin’, it’s no longer a fantasy. I’m still not prepared for when you wake up and turn to me.

BAZ

I was never asleep.

I couldn’t sleep. My mind was too busy replaying the events from today. Trying to understand what had happened and how to prevent it from happening again. We were doing so well. Simon was making some improvements since going back to therapy. But today… today showed us that he still has work to do. And I know that it frustrated him so much more than it hurt me. That’s why I came back. That’s why I always come back.

I come back because I love him and no matter how frequently his inner demons try to push me away, I will never stay away from him. Until the day, he tells me that we are over and that all hope for us is gone, I will always come back to him.

I came back tonight, even though everything told me to just go home. I came back because Simon’s eyes looked so broken and so lost as I walked out of his flat. I needed to get out of there, to clear my head, and besides, I needed to feed. So I took a long walk around a few blocks, until I got to one of the local butcher shops. They were closing up, but had some blood on hand -- thank Crowley that blood pudding is such a popular meal in these parts, there has not been a single butcher that has questioned my proclivity for the substance -- so I picked some up and headed back to Simon’s flat.

We didn’t talk. At all. We sat, we read, Bunce came by and looked at us, with a sad empathetic expression. She didn’t need to say anything, I already knew what she was thinking. I wish I knew how to fix things. I would do it in a heartbeat. If I knew the formula to rid Simon of the pain in his heart, I would apply it. I would apply it every single day, until his heart is fully mended again. Until the sparkle returns once more to his eyes.

But I don’t, so I try to be what Simon needs me to be. I asked if he wanted me to stay tonight. He nodded, so I stayed. I stayed, but I still gave him his space, choosing to sleep with my back turned, waiting for him to set the boundaries; To decide how much he needed me tonight.

I was unprepared for his confession.

I immediately wanted to turn and face him. To tell him that he was wrong and that he was not an idiot. However, the rational side of me understood that Simon was opening up. Simon was opening up for the first time, and it was probably because he thought I was asleep. Even if he didn’t, I was not about to risk him shutting down again. I remained still and controlled my breathing.

The task proved to be one of the most difficult ones in my life. I consider myself to be a master of self-control, being a vampire and all. But hearing Simon bear his heart, hearing his sobs in the night, hearing his pain; I have never felt a compulsion stronger than the one to turn around and pull him into my arms. Simon, I want to help you. Let me help you. Tell me how...

As he cried, and attempted to control his breathing, I found myself having difficulty remaining calm. I kept myself grounded by listening to his voice as he continued to talk to me. It devastated me, to think that he was worried I would leave him for someone else. A life without him, is not a life I want for myself. I tried living without him, and it was a miserable existence. Simon, you can’t ever push me away for too long. You will never lose me. I am miserable without you, Simon Snow.

He then wrapped his arms around me and held me close. I couldn’t control my body at that point, I leaned into him and let him hold me. He leaned in and begged me not to leave him. My heart broke and I shuddered back a sob.

Oh, Love… never. I will always be here.

I wait a few minutes for make sure that Simon has finished talking. He eventually pulls away from me and settles into his typical sleeping position (hunched over with all of his limbs pulled tightly, hands in an iron-like grip on the covers). I turn to face him and lightly drag the back of my hand on his shoulder. I feel him shuddering, and for a second I think I’ve awoken him, but he settles down again, so I push myself a little closer to him. I won’t pull him close to me, the last thing I want is to scare him away from me again. Instead, I reach up and smooth out the messy curls atop his head.

“I suppose it’s now my turn.” I whisper to him. May as well respond to his confession with one of my own. Thank Crowley he’s asleep for this, I don’t think I’d have the nerve in me to be upfront and honest. But I owe it to him, since he was so honest with me.

“I wish I knew how to help you, Simon. I wish I could take away your pain.” I was one of the top magicians of my class. I was brilliant in every situation, but when it came to helping my boyfriend, I feel as useless as a bloody numpty. The fact that I can ruin a good day with a wrong word, or a misunderstood read of the room, defeats me. “I wish I knew the right words to say to help you.”

I continue to pet him slowly. He’s magnificent. All courage and strength. Now with those wings and tail, he’s more spectacular. I know he hates them, but they are awe-inspiring to me. Everything about Simon is awe-inspiring. “I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you.”

I trace my fingers over his wings. I want to take all of him in and keep inside of me forever. I never want the image of Simon in all of his glory to leave me. “You are so strong, Simon Snow. To go through what you’ve gone through…” I think about everything that Simon has gone through, and I know that if I were put in his position, I would have faltered and given up. I will never be as strong as Simon. “You have had an impossible burden on your shoulders to bear.” I whisper to him. Imagine being the proclaimed savior of the World of Mages and then not only living up to that expectation, but going above and beyond. Simon fought for his life and he came through in the end.

Simon’s always fighting.

Even now, he’s still fighting. Everyday, he wakes up and he fights again. He is no longer spending his days on the sofa. Instead, he makes plans and tries to accomplish small goals. One day, he’ll try a recipe in the kitchen; another day, he’ll organize a small space in the bedroom for some of my clothes (I’ve been staying over more often). He’ll do something more, and everytime he pushes himself a little further, I beam at him, full of pride and love. “I am so proud of you Simon, that you are working at getting better. Everyday, I wake up and I am in awe of you. You courageous fuck…”

I think back to Simon’s pleas for me to never leave him. I am a breath away from his wings and all I want to do is pull him close and bury my head between them. All I ever want to do is hold him close and keep telling him that I will never leave him. Maybe I should start saying it more often. I don’t know why I haven’t been saying it more, especially after almost losing him in America. I think I just lost my nerve while worrying that he was ready to leave me.

But, here we are, and he hasn’t left me yet, so what’s stopping me from telling him now? “The fact of the matter is, if you want me to leave, I will leave. If you want me to stay, I will stay. I will always cross every line for you, Simon.”

I turn away from him as a sad thought crosses my mind. There is still the possibility that he will decide that he no longer wants me around. There is still the possibility that his happy life is one that does not involve me. “Until you decide that you no longer want me.” I feel a light thrum in my chest, which vibrates up to my throat and becomes lodged. I sit up on the bed and try to cough it out. The thought of Simon no longer wanting me is enough to literally choke me. The mere thought of being without him is enough to steal the breath from my lungs and render me helpless.

I let out a small, sad scoff as I stare at the ceiling. There is a small crack right above Simon. I decide to focus my attention on it. “I don’t think even that could stop me from loving you.” I look over to Simon, still sleeping peacefully, and I gently brush my hand across one of his wings. A small snore escapes Simon and I have to laugh. Bloody mouth-breather.

I decide to lie back down, as close to Simon, as I can, without disturbing him. I reach out once more and brush his hair lightly. “I meant what I said in San Diego. I will never be happy anywhere without you”, I sigh out to him.

Here it is Pitch, your dead, cold heart on a silver platter for this boy.

“Without you… I-” I shudder a little. My voice cracks as I struggle to get through the end of my declaration. I take a deep, sharp breath through my nose and cough out another lump that has gotten caught in my throat. “Without you, Simon, I do not feel attached to this world.”

Crowley… this is impossible. I momentarily look away from him as my vision begins to blur. I rub my eyes to rid them of any tears that threaten to fall. I take a minute to gather my thoughts and to calm the constant constriction in my chest. There is one more statement I need to make to Simon. One more thing I need to say before I turn away once more and return to my solitude for the night. With closed eyes, and bated breath, I gasp out, “Simon. You bring me home.”

I start to pull away from him, when I notice something touching me. His tail has curled itself around one of my legs. My eyes soften and I dare to smile a little. At least I can feel secure in knowing that subconsciously, Simon still wants me. I decide to risk it, a little more, and I wrap my arms around his waist, finding a spot to settle within his wings.

The light comes in, the dawn is risin' down. You opened up your eyes. Once again I have to risk it all. The time is now.

SIMON

I think I was asleep for a little while. I was asleep until I felt the back of his hand on my shoulder blade. I awoke to hear him expressing how much he wished I could see myself the same way he saw me.

How do you see me Baz? Tell me!

I tighten my grip on the bed covers as the man I love tells me just how much he loves me back. I want to laugh at how stupid we both are. It is absolutely insane that the only way we are able to talk to each other is when we think the other is sleeping.

Crowley… we’ve really got a lot of work to do.

Baz whispers to me that he finds me so strong and I almost lose it again. I hear him tell me how he is awed by me, and I want to turn to him and grab him into a kiss, but I don’t. He nearly sobs out that he will never leave me until I tell him to leave me for good, and I have to bite my fist to prevent myself from making any more noise.

Then he delivers an emotional knockout of his own. Baz, that calm, collected, magnificent man, tells me that it no matter if I no longer want him, he will always love me. I can’t help it then, I actually choke out a sob (or rather, it sounds more like a snore than a sob).

He will always love me.

I want to take him in my arms and just hold him there. Like at his manor. Keep him close so that nothing is hurting him. I prevent myself from doing anything, because Baz has laid down once more and he’s starting to run his fingers through my hair. Crowley, it hurts how much I love him. It hurts because we’re both here, in love, without doing anything about it.

I stay silent and still as Baz continues to open up to me. I stay still and I listen and I love him more and more. And I promise that through everything I feel and through my doubts, I will try to never make him doubt us. I will try to remember tonight and how much I love him in this moment. I will try and fight for us. I will fight for him.

Baz, I will always be here to bring you back home.

I can feel him beginning to pull away. No… not yet… stay… My tail curls around his leg, asking him to stay close to me. I let myself lean back towards him. At first, I’m not sure if he understands what I want, but I let out a sigh of relief as I feel his cool arms wrap around my waist. My wings make it a little awkward, but Baz finds a way to fit himself amidst them.

I’m the first of us to wake up in the morning. I feel the sunlight hit my face. I squint as my eyes adjust to the light. My tail is still wrapped around Baz’s leg, and I can still feel him holding me. I know that as soon as I pull away from him, that he’ll wake up. I start to think back on the night. I could pretend that none of it happened and go on as though everything was fine. But, I can’t find it in me ignore everything that was said. I promised that I would fight for us, and I intend to keep my promise.

I take a deep breath and start to pull myself up. As soon as my position changes, Baz’s arms move away from my waist. So, he’s woken up. I turn to him and see his gorgeous stormy-grey eyes staring back at me. I remember all that he’s said to me and I break a little. Baz bolts up from sleep and immediately gathers me into his strong arms.

I bury my head in the crook of his neck and grasp onto the back of his nightshirt. “Baz… I’m… I’m sorry.” I wheeze out. He starts to gently pet the back of my head and softly shushes me.

“Shh... I know, Love, I know.”

I shake my head and look up at him. “No. I need you to hear this.” I’m fighting… I’m fighting for us.

“Alright.” He slowly releases me from his grasp and starts to tug at the sleeves of his nightshirt. He cracks his knuckles and looks down at the bedsheets.

I adjust myself on the bed and take his hands in mine. I can’t look at him at first, but I find the strength to lift my head and meet his eyes. “I’m fighting Baz. Everyday, I’m…”

Crowley! Why is this so fucking hard? I was able to do this easily merely hours ago! Why can’t I find the words to say? Baz tenderly grazes the side of my face with the back of his hand. He gives me a soft smile, encouraging me with adoration.

“Take your time, Love.”

I take a deep breath. I can feel the fucking tears again. They didn’t get enough last night, they’re back to further humiliate me. “I’m struggling against my doubts and thoughts.” I stop. I need a moment to collect my thoughts and these tears just won’t stop. Baz runs a thumb across my eye, wiping away any tears that have begun to fall.

“Go on…” he softly reassures me.

“And sometimes the thoughts win. Sometimes they take over and I yell and I tell you to leave.” I’m almost shouting at this point. I’ve pulled my hands away from his and have slammed one of my palms against my forehead. Baz grabs onto one of my hands and gives it a consoling squeeze.

“Baz… I don’t want you to leave.” I choke out. I’m full-on sobbing now. The tightness in my chest from last night has returned. I wrap my arms around my chest and give myself a squeeze. Baz coaxes my arms apart and takes me into his arms again. He starts trying to soothe me, and I let him do it. I let him try and help me. His arms are holding onto me so tight, but he’s always so cautious not to squeeze me too hard, just enough that I feel secure.

“I will never leave, unless you truly want me to.” A small, barely audible sob has escaped his lips now. I look up at him and see his eyes. They are downcast, he looks so tired right now. So… overcome with everything… Unguarded.

I hold onto him, as if I’m worried that he’ll slip away if I let him go. “I don’t, Baz! I want you to stay. I want to continue fighting. I don’t want to give up.”

“I know you don’t,” he murmurs to me.

“Don’t give up on me.” I ask of him. It’s the request that I’ve been so afraid to say. I’ve been so afraid that he’ll deny me… So afraid that he’ll give up on me.

But Baz is Baz. And after last night, a part of me is hopeful that he’ll ever truly abandon me. I feel both of his hands cupping my face. He lifts my face, so my eyes are meeting his. “Never, Simon. I will never give up on you” he tells me, as he wipes the remaining tears in my eyes. I grasp onto his wrists. I need to feel him.

“Promise?” I whimper.

“I promise.” He draws me into a deep kiss.

We’ve promised each other that we’re going to fight. This time, I think I’m finally starting to believe it.

But you get my love, baby. You get my love. If there’s only one thing about me that you can trust. You get my love, baby. You get my love. Don’t let my mistakes take that away from us. You get my love.

#carry on countdown #coc 2019 #song inspired #simon snow #baz pitch #tyrannus basilton pitch #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #carry on #wayward son #wayward son spoilers #communication #walls breaking #honest dialogue #though these numpties can only do it while sleeping #some angst #angst with happy ending #angst with a hopeful ending

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be17forever · 5 years

Text

My Honest Review of “An Ode”

Let me preface this by saying, I am absolutely a Carat, I’ve been a Carat since Mansae era, and I will continue to be a Carat. That said, there were a lot of things in this newest album “An Ode” that made me really think. I wanted to review and process my thoughts on the album honestly, as a fan, as a music lover, as a listener.

1. Hit: I don’t really think I need to delve into it because a lot of my initial reactions have been blunted since I’ve been repeating it pretty non-stop for a month now. Key point: I really didn’t appreciate the song much on first listen and not even with the whole performance. I mean, the performance is definitely impressive, but it didn’t really jive with the music or wow me in a way that “Getting Closer” did. However, I blasted it on speakers, realized that’s what the song was really suited for, and really came to appreciate it a lot more.

2. Lie Again: Hands down my favorite song on the album. It obviously cannot be a choice for title song, but the quality is really close to what I expect from a title song. Great choice for instrumentals, great catchy chorus despite it being a mellow slower song, good build up through the verses. Vernon’s part references DWC, and this self-referencing is what I love about Seventeen. It is the best part of being a long-term serious fan of their music, though I know it can be divisive because it alienates new listeners (though DWC was fairly popular, so maybe not?) This song is the follow-up song that DWC deserved instead of “Without You” (possibly my least favorite sub-song from Seventeen, ever, and definitely my least favorite on Teen, Age). The bit after the bridge is a bit of a weak point, but not super jarring to the whole song. Great mixing. I don’t look at line distribution for each song because I don’t think a measure of “how much” part a member got in a 13-member group really means anything, but nothing stood out as a particular problem. Overall, a very well-rounded and well-executed song. There’s really not much to say because I think the song speaks well for itself.

3. Fear: I hate saying negative things about it because it is the title track and I have been so looking forward to it, but there were some points that made it just lackluster. Some errors were glaring, to a point that I don’t think I’ve ever felt about their songs, not even in the early days.

First, some positives. I think “Fear” did really well in terms of synthesizing the R&B base with slightly Arabian/Eastern/Medieval thematic bits with EDM, hip-hop, and their usual rock elements. It sounds like something I might have heard on the radio in mid-2000′s but with contemporary elements that remind me we’re in 2019 already. This entire album is fairly consistent in keeping to the R&B genre, which is honestly a hard move for them because Seventeen has been more rock or punk-rock based for so many of their albums in the past. “Fear” has also managed to keep the HHU from pitching their lines too low. The HHU, including Wonwoo, are not naturally low deep gravelly when they rap. They can pull off that kind of sound in studio, but it’s really difficult to do when they perform live. That’s why you’ll hear them often just doing their lines in a completely different tone than the recorded line. I hope they continue this decision into future songs because it makes it less jarring to hear the rap lines during live performances. Seungkwan’s voice shines like no other in this song. The song really plays to the best qualities of his vocal style. I know lately, there have been accusations of under-utilizing the main vocalists, but no one can say that with this song because it is clear that Seungkwan was very well incorporated into the song. Jeonghan also really fit well into the style of the song. His vocals really stand out, which is a huge achievement for someone who was not utilized much at Seventeen’s debut.

That said, there are just a lot of things that felt sloppy to me about this song. Now, I cannot tell if these are mistakes or deliberate stylistic choices. However, some of these points are not just my personal opinions, they kinda go against the rules in a meaningless way. The mixing is really clumsy with the song. The beginning line from Wonwoo sounds a lot like how Mingyu started “Getting Closer”. But the glaring difference is that there is no musical anticipation into the part, nor is there a momentum out of that part before the first drop into the verses. There are so many quick fixes they could have done to the little instrumental that comes after his part to offset this, but because of the lull, the song immediately loses impact. I’m not sure what kind of effect they were going with doubling Joshua’s part. It sounds unnecessary, but I do like that they started absolutely bare with just the voice for the verse. It creates at least a little bit of tension into the rest of the first verse, which builds up by ping-ponging between more vocally artistic lines and rhythmic rap. Everything gets wrapped up by Seungkwan’s “Someone tell me, what should I do?” And then.

Nothing.

They recover the momentum that was lost through the whole verse, and then there’s just no impact into the chorus. It’s a real shame because I think “The way I love” bit is fairly catchy, so if they had a strong start to the chorus, the whole thing could have been really catchy. Also, the chorus is just a bit too short for “The way I love” to shine. Mentally, I wanted to hear another repeat of the chorus. Now, I’ve made my peace a long time ago with the fact that Seventeen just isn’t really going to chase after trends for their title songs. They’re not going to force themselves into a catchy hook just so the song can be catchy. But “The way I love, the way I love”-- that line is just so naturally perfect as a catchy tune, so it’s a little disconcerting that this wasn’t taken an advantage of.

I really like the idea of taking away the instrumentals and having Jeonghan just stand alone with that whispery, haunting voice to give a fresh-start feeling for the second verse and keep it from being stale. However, I do believe there was a legitimate mixing error for this part. You can barely hear his part during this section if you keep a constant healthy non-eardrum-perforating volume on the song. If it is that hard to hear his part, casual listeners won’t even pay attention to it. And the whole cessation of the instrument and how wistful Jeonghan’s voice is should have made this part the absolute high point of the song. You do not have to lower the volume so low on the vocal track to keep the atmosphere because you literally just cut away the backing instrumental and his tone is enough to give that feeling. I just have a difficult time getting past this as just a stylistic choice. The second verse is also quite boring compared to the first aside from Jeonghan’s part. Coups’s verse tries to give a little change on the rhythm, but it just doesn’t really work for me, personally. Then we move into the chorus, but it’s better this time because of the little “Oh, oh, oh” break and “The way I love” repeating.

I really feel quite neutral about the bridge. It doesn’t really stand out until it launches into “This is love”. And then there’s just a lot of overlapping elements. I’m not sure if they felt pressured into trying to use all of the members, or as many as they can, for this last bit, but there’s just a lot going on in not a particularly cohesive way. The two vocalists belting, for example, is quite impressive but feels like an afterthought.

The reason why this song fell a little short for me were primarily the editing choices that made me keep guessing if a certain effect was there intentionally or if it was a mistake. If it was an error, that is something that should not have gone uncaught on the first full albums in 1.5 years; if it was intentional, it was poorly executed. The lyrics-- I’m going to be completely honest. I’m fairly fluent in Korean, and the lyrics are really confusing. I’m not sure what kind of message they’re trying to send-- don’t love me, I’m poison, love me, my mind is corrupted, I’m afraid... If Woozi one day said that this was a song representing a conversation between two people or like a case of DID and two personas within a person warring, that would be a plausible explanation of what’s going on in the lyrics. And Seventeen lyrics are usually not like this at all. Seventeen songs have fairly elegant and figurative lines, cohesive story that makes sense, etc.. It’s part of why the song sounds good as segments (aka the teaser bits) but doesn’t really work together when it all comes together.

I do still really like the overall genre of the song. They were really true to incorporating all the elements they said they would use. The HHU, I felt, was more well-incorporated than they have been for the last few comebacks. Seungkwan and Jeonghan’s voices pop out like no other. And it’s really, really difficult to make a dance song that is in a minor key and using scales/progressions that are not part of the more typical, Western music and have it sound natural but sophisticated. I imagine it may even grow on me after a while. But there were just some choices that felt a little bit flat and unpolished compared to what I had anticipated from the teasers.

4. Let Me Hear You Say: I felt very meh about this song. It’s a cutesy song, and it serves its purpose. Nothing really stands out good or bad about the song. It reminds me a little bit of “Without You”. Let Seventeen have one cutesy almost-vapid song on their album, ok?

5. 247: Definitely not my style, but it blends well with the R&B theme of the whole album. It has all of the elements of those sticky R&B bedroom anthems reminiscent of male solo artists like Taeyang, Rain, or (for those closer to my age) Brian McNight. But minus the stickiness. I do wish that they incorporated a little bit of team element to it-- this whole song could have been sung by a single male artist and I would not have felt weird about it. A group should be accomplishing something different than what a solo artist brings to the table. This is my least favorite performance unit song from Seventeen, but that is not saying much because all performance unit songs are, in my definition, glorious hits, home runs, true bangers. This one just fell a little short of legendary.

6. Second Life: I hear the “hip-hop” elements... ok, Woozi, ok. I appreciate that Seventeen’s vocal unit feels more adventurous than sticking to ballads. This is also a quite meh song for me. The weird stop in the bridge is a bit jarring... to be honest, I don’t think anyone on the vocal unit could have pulled off the effect they were trying to go for, though. I think the lyric content is really warm and appealing to a slightly older audience.

7. Network Love: I love this song, and not just because I’m a filthy American 외퀴. I love the theme of it. I love the playfulness they have with the lyrics (“I 좋아 = 아이 좋아”). That is also another divisive element about Seventeen’s music that I love but sometimes alienates the public. The whole build up and drop into the chorus is just masterful. The lyrics are witty. If this was a group song, it could have been a decent contender for title song. The theme is very relevant and authentic. Honestly, if Lie Again was a little less perfect, this would be my favorite off the album.

8. Back It Up: We’re starved for a good HHU song, ok? What a great addition to the HHU’s discography AND this album simultaneously. I mean, my favorite is and will always be “Un Haeng Ill Chi” and “Check In” is also just so well-polished, but “Back It Up” is a great change of pace. I like that they just went ham on the lyrics, on the song, on the mixing. It shows the versatility of the song’s creators. The only sad thing is that the lyrics are so confident and ambitious about achieving more as a group, but in real life, this kind of drive and ambition is only expressed in the 3-ish minutes they have on stage and not reflected in the aggression of their activities and artistic direction.

9. Lucky: I wonder if Woozi is secretly on a mission to receive credit for the best use of pan flutes and bossa nova elements in a kpop song. He’s managed it once with “Fast Pace” and now he’s done it again with “Lucky”. It’s a very light song. There are a lot of things in this song that can be difficult to pull off because they’re not conventional, but it really works on the macro level. A stark contrast to how “Fear” fails to make unconventional choices sound intentional and cool. I love that the lyrics tell us to “slow down” and the whole song has that on-your-toes kind of fluttery rhythm. Light, bouncy, solid group b-side.

10. Snap Shoot: This must have been a strong contender as a title song. I’m almost mad that it’s not (even though it is completely contrary to the whole dark Seventeen/growth theme they’re trying to turn over in 2019). The choir starting the song off is perfectly whimsical. It really took advantage of many of the members. For example, Joshua and Woozi sing comparable parts in verses 1 and 2. But they sing it with their own flow and style, it almost feels like a completely different melodic line. And it works well for both of them. The chorus is super catchy. The concept of the song is really true to the times. It can really work as a summer or a winter song. Very universal, very likable. There’s absolutely no rule that Seventeen “must” do a bright, poppy song. I think that frame is something we have to keep resisting against, especially for older fans who’ve seen the peak of the carefree boyish days. But if we look at the songs that they’re really known to the public for, such as Aju Nice, Pretty U, and Mansae, they certainly have that brightness as a known group characteristic, and they’ve nailed getting a cohesive and inclusive group sound down to a science since those early days. So it naturally follows that Snap Shoot sounds almost effortlessly perfect.

11. Happy Ending (Korean ver.): I know people really want Korean versions of the Japanese releases because the Japanese singles/titles are great, and they show off new elements of Seventeen. But I am of the camp that if a song has lyrics in it, the melodic line must accompany the natural rhythm and flow of the lyrics, not the other way around (reinforced by my one-time brief conversation with Sondheim). Have you ever seen the “Kevin may not be smart, but he’s strong” meme? That’s what the song feels like to me. And this will happen for any song you try to translate into another language. It’s so, so, so difficult to keep the fluency of the words while retaining most of the original melody. Not saying it’s impossible, but this particular version did not excel in this regard and the new version only made me want to sing “Kikasete, kikasete” every time because the original was just so catchy.

Final thoughts: This will not be a make-or-break album for me. I still hear a lot of the Seventeen I fell in love with or grew to appreciate. Some of the b-sides from this album, like Lie Again and Network Love, were truly great songs. But this made the less stellar songs stick out even more in contrast. I did like that they’re venturing into the “dark Seventeen” territory more because as much as old fans love it and still miss it, the teenagers are no longer teenagers and Seventeen does not have to box themselves into one image. I really appreciate that they changed up the basis of their sound to the more R&B territory, undoubtably guided by Bumzu, who has quite a history in that area. And they really stuck to it through the album. Though not as cohesive as YMMDay had been, the album does play like the songs, for the most part, belong together. That is kind of a lost art in the kpop world nowadays. CD’s are for pretty packaging, the tracklist shows off the width of the group at best, and no one seems to care for how the songs work together in order. When you listen to “An Ode”, it sounds like an entire album. Seventeen is a group in kpop that is quite counter-cultural in this way. I also really appreciate the effort that went into the music video production. I’m not sure if it was intentional, but it was a lot of things that the fans had been asking for a long, long time. The visual for the music video for “Fear” is definitely striking and appealing. That’s a big part of the music in kpop, so it would be irresponsible not to mention how well the MV works with the music.

That said, there are few disappointments and choices that seemed questionable, especially when it comes to title track “Fear”, which should be their best song from the first full length album they’re dropping in over 1.5 years. As a Carat, I cannot be afraid to speak about things that are not working for me in this album. First off, I don’t have this delusion of grandeur that because I had some suggestions about improvements to this album, Seventeen members will take my specific words to heart and be so hurt and broken over it. If they don’t get the kind of reception they were hoping for, it can be saddening. But they still have literally thousands of Carats-- including myself-- supporting their future endeavors. Second, just because the members worked on the album themselves does not mean there’s no room for constructive criticism and feedback from the fans, industry professionals, and even the general listener. I appreciate all the hard work and sleepless nights they put into the album and simultaneously have things that I wish were thought through more carefully. As a fandom, we can’t label everyone who points out a few flaws as a complete heretic. That’s how we only grow insular and never end up reaching full potential. When there is no room for criticism, no more feedback and no desire for changes from fans, that’s when a group hits stasis. And as my old chemistry teacher (perhaps erroneously) liked to say: absolute equilibrium in a living thing means death.

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carmonfenwick9 · 5 years

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Merge MP3 Files With Free Online MP3 Joiner

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aletheamoreira8-blog · 5 years

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How To Covert Giant Ape File

If that you must convert FLAC to MP3 in Mac OS X at no cost, one of the best ways to do so is using a utility called All2MP3. Similar to the MPEG-four SLS format, this format has a core track in an older, extra broadly supported format, DTS. This core lossy monitor is made lossless by a secondary track with correction data. It's an optionally available codec in Blu-ray implementations. Its primary use is encompass sound encoding, and as is the case with MLP, the worth of the encoder ensures it is only utilized in mastering of Blu-ray discs. Flac are more often than not 1400kbps and mp3 are 320 at max so you loose tons of knowledge. Find the newly importedwav information in iTunes and select them all (single-click the primary file, maintain down the Shift key in your keyboard, and then single-click on the final file). Right-click on on any of the chosen recordsdata and select Convert Select to MP3. 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While you launch this system, it prompts you to pick out between the assorted file conversion options it provides: convert video, convert audio, convert video to MP3, or Rip audio CD. So now that you perceive a few of the fundamentals of the most effective ways to transform audio files to totally different bitrates, let's discuss about the programs that can assist us. Observe that I checked all of those programs on VirusTotal to ensure they are 100% clean. To do that, it makes use of data from the suitable CUE file. Besides, Flacon makes it potential to conveniently revise or specify tags each for all tracks without delay or for every tag separately. dBpoweramp isn't in a position to break up ape files based mostly on cuesheets. Generally you encounter to a music album, podcast, audiobook that features only a small textual content CUE file (CUE Sheet) and large audio file. You can cut up it into separate audio tracks or files with the CUE Splitter. Whether a format gives a checksum to make sure that audio knowledge is not corrupted. The point right here is that the corrupted audio data should be skipped, it should not be played as a result of it will possibly produce insufferable sound. mp3 format has this function but noone makes use of it in follow. FLAC is an abbreviation for Free Lossless Audio Codec. As the title implies, the audio compressed using this format will likely be no loss in quality. It is useful for these individuals who wish to achieve original music tracks. Initially, its FLAC bit-stream format was frozen for reference implementation on 15 January 2001. With the development of technology, version 1.three.0 has been released by Basis on 26 Could 2013. Presently, FLAC may be played on various gadgets like residence stereo, music gamers, laptops, automobile stereo and different multimedia devices. Lastly, it's best to choose the output format and audio high quality. In the FLAC dialog box, select the format settings for the ultimate FLAC recordsdata. Depending on quality you need, select the bitrate of the file, sample fee and the variety of channels. You'll in all probability lose some audio content for those who select the mono option. You possibly can choose what pattern rate you need to use. forty four.1 kHz (or 44100 Hz) is the pattern rate utilized by audio CDs. Whether it's essential to convert FLAC to MP3 , ape flac video converter free download to WMA, OGG to WAV, or rip Audio CD tracks, AudioConverter Studio is the best software for the job. It helps hottest audio codecs and can convert between any pair of them. Properly, Audio CDs could be converted to any of the supported codecs, however not the other means around (to burn an Audio CD, you should use Audio CD Burner Studio). APE is Monkey's audio which is a file format for lossless audio information compression, the filename extension isape. APE doesn't discard knowledge throughout the strategy of encoding, not like lossy compression methods reminiscent of AAC, MP3, Vorbis and Musepack. The compression ratio of this format is much decrease than that of different audio codecs, the audio quality is actually non-harmful, and with the open-supply characteristics, which get a number of music fans of all ages. however i even have no doubt whatsoever that i can and may have a whole lot of enjoyable listening to excessive-high quality MP3s at 256-320k of material encoded as such. they sound pretty darn superior.

Lyrics tags supported (forMP3 ID3v2,OGG,WMA,ASF, APE2, MPC, Flac). So right here comes the question. Where to find a skilled APE to FLAC Converter or an easy and detailed guide to assist folks resolve APE to FLAC converting issues? This article is devoted to offering your wished answers. Hi there, Is it potential to encode wavpack data to flac? I cannot discover any program that may do this. I've round a thousand folders with wavpack data and that i want to convert them in flac. MP3 is a lossy format compressed to save information home using variable bit expenses, depending on the frequency spectrum content material materials and amplitude. Which implies unique content material is misplaced, as a option to make the file size smaller.5.Audio joiner utility permits you to join a number of flac audio recordsdata into one massive audio file. Lower, join, trim, combine, delete components, break up with AVS Audio Editor Use Timeline for maximum precision. Use specially designed filters to take away irritating appears like roaring, hissing, crackling, and many others. MP3 converter is a good software for music loversEasily convert MP3 information in to other audio formats. With so many media codecs accessible today, likelihood is you want to convert your audio information from one format to another very often.

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zig-a-zow · 6 years

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As told by Aiden [Chapter 4: Watching and waiting]

Summary: Aiden Zhou had everything figured out. He was a Junior at high school, he would graduate in two years, attend a prestigious school such as Juilliard and become the best musician he could be. Of course, despite being practically a prodigy at what he loved, he had a lot to learn yet, especially the most important lesson: there was more to life than what he once thought.

Pairings: Aiden x MC (Grace Ashton)

Word count: 2826

Notes: Hello there! What is this, you might be asking yourself? Well, nothing other than what the title says: High School Story as told by Aiden. The events from the book, but from his perspective, plus extra scenes/fanon lore. There are significant changes in this story, though. For once, I have two MCs, best friends Grace and Callie. However, one of them will be significantly more prominent due to being Aiden’s love interest. Also, each chapter has its own song, cause how could I write about Aiden without music included? Click the lyrics to listen.

Taglist: @mlmseangayle @ravenclawpokegirl25 @poofboopmew @apluschoices

Ch. 1 - Ch. 2 - Ch. 3 - Ch. 4 (It’s right here!) - Ch. 5 - Ch. 6 - Ch. 7 - Ch. 8 (Coming soon!)

Oh, you capture my attention

Carefully listening

Don’t wanna miss a thing

Keeping my eyes on you

He had been staring at his phone’s screen until its light stopped illuminating his face, and he could see his reflection on the glass.

The screen came to life again with a single tap of his finger, as he immediately deleted the message he had written but not sent.

Was he really going to text Grace? Right now, while laying in bed, unable to sleep?

It probably wasn’t a good idea, he told himself. They had been talking all night, and even if she seemed pretty… interested in him, maybe it was a little too much to talk to her now.

Plus, she was probably already asleep, like a normal person at 5:00am.

Aiden sighed deeply, leaving his phone on his bedside table and pulling his blankets to cover his whole body in a futile attempt to rest at least a few hours.

Next morning, he had a raging headache and wished he could stay in bed all day. Or maybe all week. All month…?

Begrudgingly he got out of bed, and left his house hoping for a little bit of quietness at school.

Which he didn’t find.

“Aiden! AIDEN, HOLY SH–!”

“Myra, language” he simply said, waiting until his friend reached their usual table at the cafeteria.

“You’re not gonna BELIEVE what happened today at homeroom!” she exclaimed as she sat across from him, a big grin of joy adorning her face. “Come on, ask me what happened!”

He sighed.

“What happened, Myra?”

“Okay, so Grace and Callie are sitting in the front with Caleb, right? And suddendly Brian comes in and starts acting like a jerk, so Caleb is fed up and they both get up, like, they’re gonna fight!” she started narrating, her hands gesturing as she spoke. “And Brian goes and punches Caleb when he’s distracted! And Grace is all like ‘Oh, no you didn’t!’, so she goes and…!”

Her hand turned into a fist, and she punched the air with a smile.

“BAM! Right in the face! And he almost falls on his back! It was hi-lar-i-ous!”

Aiden listened in silence, an expression of astonishment displaying on his face. He tried to imagine Grace, petite and dainty Grace, punching the school’s quarterback so hard that she made him stumble. It was surprisingly easy to picture.

“So Callie is all like ’Oooh nooo, don’t fight!’, and grabs Grace before Brian can hit back, and Vice Principal Isa came in right then! And she took them ALL to the Principal’s office! HOW COOL IS THAT?!”

“Pretty cool, if you ask me” they both turned to Ezra when they heard his voice, just as he took a seat beside Myra, grinning. “Yep, everyone’s talking about it. I think Morgan recorded it all, I hope she uploads it to MyTube soon.”

“Oooh, man! Why didn’t I think of recording it…?!”

“Wait a minute… are you two celebrating this?”

At his words, Myra and Ezra exchanged glances briefly before turning to look at him again, stunned expressions on their faces.

“Well, she did punch the biggest jerk at Berry High, so…”

“… of course we’re celebrating, you dummy! Here’s a better question, why aren’t you?!”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I don’t condone violence in any way, shape or form?” he replied to Myra’s rhetorical question with one of his own. “What Grace did was wrong, no matter how justified you might think it was. She lowered herself to his level, it’s as simple as that.”

Ezra smirked at that.

“Okay, you tell her that.”

“What…?”

“Hey guys” Grace’s voice startled him as she took a seat right beside him. She gave him a quizzical look before turning to the others, grimacing at their smiling faces. “Don’t tell me…”

“Aaah! Grace, you were so awesome!” Myra almost bounced out of her seat with excitement, her voice a squeal. “Remind me not to mess with you!”

“Oh, and Aiden has something to tell you” Ezra smirked mischievously, nodding his way as if to give him the word. “What was that you were saying right now…?”

“I, uh…”

Aiden stammered for a few seconds, suddenly feeling all his confidence and resolution go down the metaphorical drain. To his surprise, Grace barely turned to him with a tired expression.

“I heard him. What I did was wrong, I lowered myself to that idiot’s level. He’s right” she mumbled, casting her gaze toward the table in shame. She let out a long sigh of resignation. “Don’t get me wrong, he deserved it. And I’m not gonna lie, it felt good. But guess who was almost suspended and is now stuck on Homecoming committee?”

She half-heartedly pointed to herself with her thumbs.

“This girl.”

A moment of silence reigned between them, and Aiden took a good look at the girl beside him. She looked somehow smaller than before, and genuinely remorseful. He raised his hand a few centimeters, tempted to place it on her shoulder, before Ezra spoke again.

“Sorry, Grace. We didn’t mean to make you feel bad or anything” he said with a soft tone, and Myra nodded silently by his side, a rare serious expression on her face. “It’s just, what you did today? It was great, even if it got you in trouble. You wanna know why? ‘Cause that guy always thought he was untouchable, he could do whatever he wanted, but guess what? He can’t, 'cause people like you are out there putting jerks like him in their places. So chin up, queen. You did good.”

Grace looked up at that, her dark eyes shinning slightly as a tiny smile started to appear on her face. Myra rounded the table to sit by her side and give her a quick hug, smiling encouragingly.

“That’s more like it! We’re not saying you should go around punching every person that looks at you the wrong way… though honestly, that would be pretty cool” she started, before catching herself, shaking her head quickly. “But seriously… giving the Brians of the world a reason to count their teeth? Yes, please!”

Just then, the bell rang. Several people started abandoning the cafeteria, and that included them as well.

“Thanks for the pep talk, guys” said Grace with a little smile, shrugging slightly. “I guess this could be worse…”

Aiden remained silent. He had heard lots of stories about how Maria Flores, his classmate and the person in charge of Homecoming committee, was like as a leader. They all agreed in the fact that she could be utterly terrifying.

But somehow he had a feeling that Grace would be able to handle it just fine. At least he hoped so.

A growing feeling of discomfort didn’t leave him alone for the rest of the day.

Aiden couldn’t help but feel guilty about the way he had spoken before. He dreaded the idea that his words could’ve hurt Grace’s feelings in any way. So he needed to talk to her so he could… apologize? He wasn’t really sure of what to do, but he had to do something.

He didn’t see Grace again until it was time for him to finally leave the school. He had just walked out of the band room after practice, and was approaching his locker when he could hear her cheerful voice calling his name.

“Oh, hey! Look, it’s Aiden!”

When he turned around, he could see her approaching quickly with a grin and a cupholder full of milkshakes, Maria following her at a moderate pace and clearly not as excited.

“Grace, we can’t stay for too long…”

“I know, I know! Just wanted to say hi!” she replied with a brief laugh, turning to him again. “Hi!”

“Hey… what are you doing here?” he mumbled as his eyes fell on the cupholder significantly.

“Homecoming committee… we had to go and get something to eat 'cause we all got hungry halfway through.”

Aiden was about to say something when he could hear Maria huffing at a prudent distance from them, probably unaware of him noticing her gesture of impatience. He sighed.

“It seems like you’re busy… but I need to talk to you” he admitted as he finally reached his locker, placing a few books inside. “It’s… moderately important.”

“Oooh, you got me at 'moderately’!” Grace had a playful smile on her face, so he wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not. “Tell you what, I’ll hit you up as soon as I’m able, okay?”

“Grace…”

“I’m coming!”

Grace winked before she walked away and joined Maria, who clearly was growing impatient by the minute. She turned around once with a smile.

“Talk to you later!”

“Yes, talk to you later!” repeated Maria as they both started to walk away, and seemingly realized what she had said a few second later. “Why did I say that? I’m not going to talk to him later!”

Grace laughed loudly as they reached a corner, and Aiden was barely able to hear them anymore.

“Don’t laugh, it’s not funny…!”

“But it’s super cute…!”

Aiden stopped for a second before closing his locker, his gaze directed toward the corner where the pair of girls had disappeared from view. He frowned slightly. Had he heard that right?

Had Grace called Maria cute?

'No. She thought what she said was cute. In a funny way’ he told himself as he shrugged, hanging his backpack on his shoulder. 'But what if it was… in a flirty way?’

Well, if that was the case, it was okay. Because Grace had the right to flirt with whoever she wanted, and he had no say in that matter, obviously.

He knew all of that, and still, he wasn’t able to erase that frown from his features.

He had patiently waited for Grace to call, but she didn’t.

At first he thought nothing of it, and distracted himself with simple tasks like composing a short piece for violin and making small talk with his parents while having dinner.

But as the night progressed, he started to feel… something.

At first, he was worried. Was she okay? Maybe something bad had happened. He contemplated calling her himself to check, but what if she was simply busy and his call was unwelcome?

Then he was somewhat disappointed. Maybe she just had forgotten, which was completely plausible.

Or maybe she was talking with Maria instead.

Aiden huffed as he finished drying his longish hair with a towel after a shower, as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He frowned, though he wasn’t sure why.

He made his way back to his room and let himself fall on his bed with a soft thud, staring at the ceiling for a few moments.

He could feel his tired eyes give in after minute or two, and drifted to sleep.

Aiden wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but his phone rang on his bedside table and startled him. He grabbed it, half asleep, and let out a sleepy groan.

“You have to be kidding me…”

It seemed like Grace had decided that calling him almost at midnight was a good idea.

He felt tempted to ignore her call and resume his much needed sleeping… but he couldn’t do that. Well, he actually could, if it were Ezra or even Myra.

But seeing Grace’s name and face in his screen was somehow enough for him accept the call.

“Hello…?”

“Hey! Did I wake you up?!”

“Mhm.”

“Ohmygod, I’m so sorry!” Grace’s voice sounded a bit hushed, as if she were trying to keep quiet and failing. “I didn’t mean to, but I just now found a moment to myself.”

Aiden yawned as he sat down on his bed, rubbing the sleep out of his tired eyes in an attempt to fully wake up.

“Why?” he muttered, his voice a bit hoarse from sleeping. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah… I mean… well, Emma did something really dumb and brave today and needed some cheering up, so I had the brilliant idea of staying up with her and Callie for a while” Grace explained with a sigh, sounding tired as well. “I didn’t expect Emma to stay for so long. Her mom came to get her like twenty minutes ago.”

“And Callie?”

“She’s sleeping on the floor. I don’t know how she does it, to be honest.”

Aiden nodded slowly before remembering she couldn’t see him at the moment. He sighed deeply.

“Sorry, I can hang up if you…”

“No, I mean… I’m already awake” he mumbled, and it was only half a lie. “I might as well say what I wanted to say. It’s about what happened today.”

“A lot happened today” she pointed out, matter-of-factly. “Are you talking about me punching Brian or…?”

“Yes. Partially. Mostly about what I said later on, at lunch.”

Grace remained silent, and all he could hear for a few seconds was her calm breathing. He knew she was waiting for him to explain further, but couldn’t help finding the soft sounds oddly relaxing.

He shook his head, feeling himself blush.

“I meant to apologize, Grace. I was out of line.”

“For stating your opinion?”

“For the way I worded it, I suppose” Aiden looked up at the ceiling yet again, suddenly feeling like he didn’t really know what to say. “I felt… guilty afterwards. I did not mean to hurt your feelings.”

“Aw, Aiden… you didn’t. Really” she assured immediately, and he could almost hear the smile on her face as she spoke. “You were right. And it’s okay.”

“Maybe so, but…”

“If it makes you feel better… then I accept your unnecessary apology.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle at the tone of her voice and the emphasis of her words. Her soft laughter made him smile.

“Thank you, Grace.”

“Don’t mention it. I guess I should let you sleep now” she muttered then, and he could hear the mischief in her voice. “Even though I don’t really want to.”

Aiden let himself slide in his bed until he was again resting on his back, and repressed a yawn. He was really tired, but the conversation was getting more interesting by the minute.

“Is that so?” he could also hear a rare glimpse of confidence as he spoke, and assumed it was only because she couldn’t see his blushing face. “May I know why?”

“I dunno. I really like the sound of your voice. It’s… deep but also soft? Like a constant whisper… if that makes any sense.”

Suddenly all that confidence he was building up once again drained faster than it had arrived. He swallowed hard, feeling his face burn red with embarrassment.

“Oh. Um… thank you? I think… uh…”

Grace giggled at that.

“You’re blushing.”

“N-No, I’m not.”

“You’re totally blushing. That’s cute.”

’Cute’.

Suddenly Aiden felt the need to hang up without any warning, and just go back to sleep, possibly with a frown.

But that would be too immature for him, so he sighed.

“I really should go back to sleep now” he said then, and he noticed that his voice sounded more serious now.

She noticed as well.

“Uh… sure. Of course. Have a good night, Aiden.”

And there it was again, that sting of guilt he hated so much. He sighed, his tone softening slightly.

“Good night, Grace.”

They both hung up at the same time, and as he was setting his phone aside, Aiden came to have an epiphany of sorts.

No matter how hard he was trying to deny it, it was very clear now.

He was jealous.

And he hated it.

Oh, you capture my attention

I’m anticipating

I’m watching and waiting

For you to make your move

Got me on my toes

Chapter 4 is up!

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Remember that I can add you to my taglist if you want me to, so you don’t miss any update!

As always, feedback is appreciated and encouraged! Thanks for reading!

#playchoices #high school story #hss #aiden zhou #aiden x mc #maria flores #myra khandaar #ezra mitchell #hss mc (grace ashton)#zig writes #fghfjjgv #i like how this came out #💖#thanks for your patience btw #ok bye #long post

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usaghinanami99 · 6 years

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@pichipichiparadise Didn't I say you should be prepared for this? Well, here it comes! I hope I spelt all the titles right 'xD And sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes, I always do my best when I write in foreign languages but I'm just your average teenage fangirl who loses all of her reason before what she loves the most. Before starting, I should say that I love both slow romantic ballads and fast-paced pop songs on an even level, so I don't think I am too biased towards any of the two genres; truth to be said, MM offers some great pieces for both types of music, and I like all of them. Now, here's what you were all waiting for, i. e. my complete ranking of all the songs from the anime Mermaid Melody!

48) Ai no ondo Sorry, but it's just a big "no" for me. The tune is so irritating that it somehow annoys me to listen to it. 47) Koi wa nandarō? Urgh. Same as before. Irritating tune and even more irritating singer – it's higher on the list just thanks to some passages in the lyrics which make me think of some sort of sexual innuendo, and since I am both a hopeless romantic and a huge pervert, I vastly appreciate it XD 46) Oh, yeah! Alala Does this remind you of exaggeratedly cute idol songs? Because it's the impression it gives me, and it's not a good one. (OK, I'm overdoing, there are definitely some idols I like, but Jpop rarely clicks with me if it's not related to anime in some way) 45) Splash dream! Er... this is getting boring, but I just cannot stand Asumi Nakata's voice 'xD However, this is where the tunes stop being outright irritating for me, and it's just a matter of them failing to catch my heart. 44) Aurora no kaze ni notte I'm on shortage of comments already, I guess I'll just say that Ema Kogure sounds like a 2 year-older and that I keep on forgetting how the tune goes. 43) Star! Meromero heart Irritating singer, forgettable tune, stupid lyrics (I know it's done on purpose, but still). On with the next one. 42) Mother symphony OMG, I feel guilty for puttin your favourite song so low! Actually, I must admit that I've never thought about the lyrics the way you put it, and maybe reading your comment will help me appreciate this song a bit more ^^ However, this spot is where the songs start being just boring and uninteresting to me instead of plain unsufferable, so it's still something... I guess? 41) Nanatsu no umi no monogatari – Pearls of mermaid As I said, boring and forgettable and little else. I think I've already lost half of my readers by now. 40) Birth of love Really? Did they waste Eri Kitamura's talents to make her sing this so-so piece? That's a crime on my book! 39) Piece of love I said I love love songs, but that's simply an understatement: I am a literal sucker for slow, deep, emotional songs about feelings and such. But this... what I can see is that it tried to be a romantic piece but failed miserably and ended up being a mere yawn-inducing song. I'm not exaggerating, I really find it sleep-inducing! In this sense, it low-key reminds me of A dream is a wish your heart makes, lol. But I feel the need to repeat that I absolutely adore romantic ballads if done right, in fact the main theme from Beauty and the Beast is my single best favourite song in the whole freaking world, OK? But there's a clear limit between "romantically slow" and "sleepily slow", and this songs trespass it. 38) Mizuiro no senritsu I have a sensation that composing more upbeat songs is easier, because there can't be the risk to have your listeners fall asleep, or is it just me? In fact, this makes nice for a Jpop song... it's just that I'm not that big a Jpop fan to start, and the idols I do follow, such as Momoiro Clover Z, I do so just because they have sung songs from animes I love. I guess this song is somehow OK, it's just a matter of me not connecting with it. 37) Portami con te OK, finally here's what I think is the worst Italian song – in case you started thinking I was biased and would put all the Italian songs on top... well, you wouldn't exactly be wrong about the bias part, but still. For me, this song is just on the limit between "nice romantic slow songs" and "boring as heck slow songs": one day I find it sweet, the other day I think it is simply too slow. But what really made me decide to put it low in the list is the fact that it's a mere rearrangement of Yume no sono saki e instead of a completely new piece of music, thus making it the sole and only non-original song from the Italian dub... which is not cool. Definitely not cool. 36) Yume no sono saki e I really have the same opinion about this song and the last one, due to them being so terribly similar, but I decided to give this the higher spot because I'll be eternally pissed that they decided to use an already-existing base to arrange Portami con te, and that's not something I could ever forgive 'xD 35) Daijina takarabako (slow version) I think this could make for a nice lullaby. What else could I say? It's cute and it manages to be slow without being boring; now, I don't consider it to be necessarily unforgettable, but here we're starting heading for the better. 34) Hana to chō no serenade This is the perfect LanHua song, full stop: it's just as haunting, hypnotizing and mysterious as it should be, with that exotical feel to the tune that spices it up. And it is even better in French! It may seem to be too low in the list to be a song I like, but these are just the songs that I find to be good but not great. 33) Kibō no Kaneoto – Love goes on Now that's a pretty battle song! True, it may not be at Sera Myu level (but then, very few can compare to the eternal goddess Akiko Kosaka), but I admire the fact that it manages to be both sweet and relatively upbeat at the same time. 32) Concerto d'amore "Good but not great" is again all I can say about this one, so I'll add that I'm very disappointed by the fact that the second half of the song has never made it to the series proper and is therefore only present in the CD version – which is a shame, because I think that is where the song gets better. The tune is nice enough, but maybe it's overused, in the sense that it always plays whenever a radio is on during the show, which sometimes feeds me up; but it isn't a boring song, definitely not. 31) Voce del buio OK, I'll admit that the concept is good: this villain song wanted to be suffocating and practically impossible to forget, and it succeeded perfectly – that's the type of melody that just can't get out of your mind after one single listening. But there's too much rap for my taste and, though the contrast between the tune of the stanzas and that of the refrains is amazing, it somehow comes off as "I recognize is good, but it's not exactly my genre". 30) Ever blue Man, this song used to be so much lower in my list! The thing is, I just couldn't make myself listen to it without suffering terribly xD But then I heard the French version and I finally understood that it was just a case of me hating Hitomi Terakado with a passion that prevented me from appreciating the song! In fact, thanks to other foreign dubs (such as the Portuguese ones, but really, each one of them is better than the Japanese), I discovered thatt with a decent singer, it actually turned out to be a pretty song, and I'm more persuaded than ever now that the Cosplay Singers have just released their cover! I'll never understand why they tend to cast chipmunks instead of voice actors in Japan, but whatever. 29) Super love songs! Nice, clean, pleasing song of the more upbeat scale, with a catchy refrain: that's how I like my Jpop. 28) Daijina takarabako Even I cannot understand how can I like a solo by Asumi Nakata, whom I honestly detest, but I guess that when the melody enchants you, miracles can happen. Good job! 27) Legend of mermaid I think I can't say anything about this song that hasn't already been said xD Well, I like it but don't love it; I can only add that the instrumental intercourses in between the singing parts come off as really annoying to me, I think I don't enjoy the way they are arranged that much. 26) Ashita ga mienakute OMG this song. This song. This song. OK, sorry, let me rephrase that: as a 9 year-older watching Pure on TV, I was at best indifferent about Mikaru's feelings, and even partially blaimed her for the pain Lucia was suffering. Growing up, I melted out towards the character and, while I'll always be on Lucia's side when it comes to the love triangle stuff, as a middle-schooler I undertood that nothing of the love drama was Mikaru's fault. Some years ago, when I started using the Internet, I discovered that the Japanese dub of the anime had different songs from the Italian one, and was literally blown away upon first listening this one. A song sung by a handicapped girl my age who mourned about her solituted and sufference was, like, so much akeen to me as a person that it seems a strange coincidence. Add to that that I loved seeing depressed characters, because it helped me find my own depression a little less terrible. I've grown out of that phase now, mostly thanks to me having changed school, but this song holds a special place in my heart, and if I were to make a ranking of the most relatable songs I've ever listened to, this would come third after Belle and Let it go. 25) Tsubasa wo daite As lost in my thoughts as I were, I haven't mentioned the fact that both songs have got enchanting melodies (and I thought this even before knowing of the songs, because I absolutely loved the instrumentals that played when Mikaru and Mikeru spelt out their poems in the Italian dub). This version gains a higher place because, while Mikeru is less relatable than Mikaru, Junko Minagawa is a much better singer. Ah, and it's a song sung by a character who laments his condition and talks long about his feelings, which is exactly my cup of tea. 24) Kodō – Perfect harmony We're getting better and better with the battle songs! Here's another catchy one, but I'm afraid I haven't got much else to say about this. 23) Ankoku no tsubasa This is another case of the French version making me appreciate the song more than before – seriously, though, just listen to it! I really dig the style taken here, it screams "sexy villain" from every note and it's done so damn right. 22) Kizuna And here comes my favourite Japanese battle song! The thing is, I really dig the refrain but cannot say the same about the stanzas, so I decided to even it out putting it around the middle. What is more interesting to me, though, is that this song was clearly the basis used to compose Eternal eternity for the 3rd season of Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Crystal, which makes it again more important. I know what I said before about me disapproving of rearrangements, but what can I do when one is just so unbelievably good? (Because yes, I indeed prefer Eternal eternity. Kill me now.) 21) Sekai de ichiban hayaku Asa ga kuru bashō Have I said how much I like sweet lullabies yet? Because I love them. I've got no more to say. 20) La nostra forza (rearrange) My first reaction upon hearing this on the CD was like "OMG how dare they ruin one of my favourite songs", but with time I learnt to understand that this style actually fits LanHua more than the regular version would have. Though I don't think I have to point out that the one sung by the BBS and Alala is far better. 19) Mermaid Melody �� Principesse Sirene There's a complex love-hate relationship between me and this song, and it depends on how much weigth I put on each aspect of it: if I concentrate on the tune, I find it to be a great song worth of the glorious tradition of Italian OPs; if I concentrate on the rest, though... I really can't understand how they could come up with the idea of casting a 14 year-older to sing it, and this is without mentioning the absurdly stupid lyrics it features. Maybe this is what leads me to enjoy the karaoke version so much. 18) Legend of mermaid (slow version) What can I say, if not that it's cute and pretty and sad and everything else? I don't like Asumi Nakata and Hitomi Terakado's versions one bit, but Kana Ueda saves the song for me. And the instrumentals are far better than those of the original version. 17) Ai no kiseki Another awesomely sad and emotional song sung by Kana Ueda – see the pattern here? It's the type of song that really makes you cry, and I live for that. 16) Return to the sea Closing Kana Ueda's section, and at the same time opening the sequence of the songs that I outright love, comes Sara's awesome image song, which is tremendously catchy and terribly depressing at the same time. That's the magic of music (and cartoons) for you. 15) Taiyō no rakuen – Promised land That's exactly the type of Japanese OP that clicks with me for its catchyness, and well... What can one say about Miyuki Kanbe, apart from being sorry over her tragedy? She's incredible. She's an excellent musical actress and a perfect Usaghi (though to be fair, my best favourite is and will always be Anza Ōyama, no matter what, with Miyuki being a close second). Her singing is gorgeous and, as a sidenote, she's the person that made me realize that not all nasal voices are terrible – quite the contrary, on her case. 14) Beautiful wish This. Song. Is. Just. Perfect. Especially in French (but I guess you're tired of me saying that, uh?), but Eri Kitamura rules, too. This melody is just too perfect and it would deserve to be no. 1, if only there weren't some songs which are even more perfect imo. 13) Rainbow notes It's like the first OP, but even better: the catchyness has been brought up to eleven and Miyuki is as freaking skilled as always, and she'll be dearly missed forever. 12) Before the moment Sorry everyone, but the prize is going to the Pure OP for me (please don't kill me!). Not that I prefer Eri over Miyuki (though I love them both so much), but it just... well, listen to it. That music. 11) Star jewel Rina rocks and this song shows it excellently! And Mayumi Asano is the only one from the main trio who sounds like a real human being, so that's a plus. There's some pure awesomeness here. 10) Dolce melodia To think that, when I was a kid, I reckoned this song was just too much. I mean, not even for an instant did I dislike it (the contrary, in fact), but I found it to be so overused that it started tiring me, to the point of getting on my nerves. Now that I'm older, I've understood that beautiful things are always beautiful and can just get better every time you enjoy it again. Now I can listen to this song on repeat more than a dozen times in a round and always recognize it for the true masterpiece it is. (Except for Caren's version, that is – Rossella Liberti's voice is just something I can't stand.) 9) Kuro no Kyōsōkyoku – Concerto That is, the perfect villain song. Villain songs are really the best songs in the Japanese dub. I don't know what to add. Oh, wait... 8) Yami no baroque ...What do you mean, there's an even more perfect villain song? This show is just too much and it's so beautiful it's killing me, but I'll gladly die with Mermaid Melody if I must. 7) La nostra forza OK, the Japanese version definitely wins in the lyrics department, but the music here is just too prefect for it to be any lower. 6) Ritorno all'oceano Pure awesomeness and nothing more. Denise Misseri's version is gold and Francesca Daprati's is diamond, but there's really nothing else to say. 5) Battito d'amore Please don't judge this basing on the CD version, because the duet between Valentina Ponzone and Claudia D'Ulisse can't even remotely compare to the many stunning versions heard in the TV series. Battle song at its finest. 4) Fantastica poesia Battle song at its ultimate finest, i. e. The very best battle song ever! With the addition of some sexual innuendos to spice up the lyrics, how much better can it get? 3) Stella preziosa This. This better. It's a telltale sign the fact that I just can't bring myself to choose which I prefer between Francesca Daprati's version and Elisabetta Cavalli. 2) Assoluto amore I can't say anything else, I'm afraid. Perfect music, great lyrics and Valeria Caponnetto to do the goddesses' job. I'm in heaven. 1) Dolce melodia (orgel version) A sadly emotional arrangement of a great song? Yes, please. This song is too perfect and it's too much for my heart to bear, to the point that I'm not even listening to it as of now and I'm already crying just at the thought. Sung by Denise Misseri it's a masterpiece, but sung by Valeria Caponnetto it's the greatest tragic song ever.

#mermaid melody #mermaid melody pichi pichi pitch #mermaid melody pichi pichi pure #mermaid melody principesse sirene

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phantom-le6 · 3 years

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Episode Reviews - Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 3 (1 of 6)

Capitalising on my last day of a break from my novel-writing efforts, I’m getting a start on episode reviews for the third season for Star Trek: The Next Generation now, so as to tide you all over until next weekend.

Episode 1: Evolution

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise approaches the Kavis Alpha binary star system to perform an astrophysics experiment led by Dr Paul Stubbs, analysing the decay of neutronium as a result of a stellar explosion that occurs every 196 years and is due to occur in the next few hours. Stubbs plans to launch a probe, dubbed the Egg, to gather the data, a result of a lifetime's development. Meanwhile, Chief Medical Officer Dr Crusher has returned to her duties on the Enterprise after a tour of duty at Starfleet Medical.

As the expected time of the stellar explosion nears, the ship beings to malfunction, and the issue is traced to the computer core. Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher, who had been working on a project involving microscopic nanites, realizes that he may have inadvertently let two nanites from his experiments loose. The nanites were programmed to find ways to work together and may have evolved as a result. A scan of the computer core reveals that the nanites have replicated themselves and have taken up residence in the computer core. With the computer controls unreliable, the crew and Dr Stubbs attempt to see if they can remove the nanites from the core. However, Dr Stubbs shoots the core with a burst of gamma radiation, destroying a large number of the nanites. They retaliate by flooding the bridge with nitrogen dioxide, which the crew overrides.

Dr Stubbs is confined to quarters, but the nanites attempt further revenge by shocking him with electricity. Captain Picard prepares to flood the computer core with gamma radiation to remove the nanites completely, but the android Second Officer Lt. Commander Data establishes communication with the nanites and allows them to use his body to speak with Picard. Picard realizes that the nanites are self-aware and conscious and took Dr Stubbs' actions as hostile, but they want peace. Picard negotiates a deal to send the nanites to Kavis Alpha IV, designating it as their homeworld with Dr Stubbs’ assistance. The nanites agree and repair the damage to the computer core before they leave it. Dr Stubbs launches his probe on time and collects numerous volumes of data.

Review:

There are a few notable changes in the show’s line-up; Worf has gone up from a lower grade of lieutenant to a higher one while Geordi is now a Lieutenant Commander, putting him up to the same rank as Data. Gates McFadden is now back as Dr Beverley Crusher, and as a result the supposedly McCoy-esque Dr Poklaski character is gone, along with head writer Maurice Hurley, who is believed to have been behind Gates’ departure back at the end of season 1. Finally, the uniforms have undergone a change in design and material that was apparently requested by Patrick Stewart.

This episode is better than either of the previous two season openers TNG has offered up, though it’s not as good as it could be. Apparently when Michael Pillar took over as head writer early in this season, he insisted every episode focus primarily on one character and be about something. By that criteria, we get a focus of sorts in Wesley, and we get to see that not only is he struggling to measure up to all the demands placed on him as student and acting officer, but we also see something of what over-dedication could do to Wesley through the analogue of guest character Dr Stubbs. However, the nano-technology thread detracts from effective exploration of either issue.

To make this episode truly brilliant, I think they should have either built up to Wesley letting the nanites out in error more and focused on his struggling to juggle his responsibilities and his mother’s concerns about that, or they should have focused on creating more parallels between Wesley and Stubbs to be explored. In essence, this episode is evidence that Pillar’s approach was very much in its infancy at that point and was not well developed yet. However, it does improve down the line, and the closing scene in Ten-Forward between Beverley and Guinan is superb. Overall, I’d give this episode 8 out of 10.

Episode 2: The Ensigns of Commands

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise receives an automated message from the enigmatic Sheliak: Remove the humans on planet Tau Cygni V in four days. The Sheliak are a non-humanoid species with little regard for human life and would exterminate any humans found in their path. Their message is only due to their obligation under a treaty with the Federation to notify their intention to colonize before taking further action.

There is no record of a Federation colony ship being sent there as it contains levels of hyperonic radiation lethal to humans, which doesn't explain why the Sheliak indicate otherwise. The Enterprise arrives in the system to find what looks to be a small colony on the surface. The android Second Officer, Lt. Commander Data takes a shuttlecraft to the planet to coordinate the evacuation as he is the only crewmember unaffected by the radiation. Once he arrives, he finds that the sensor readings were incorrect. He is informed by locals Haritath and Kentor that it is a colony of 15,253 people, the descendants of the wayward colony ship Artemis launched 92 years prior. The colonists' ancestors found a means to survive within the radiation but initially suffered heavy loss of life before an effective defence was found.

Although it would normally be a simple matter of beaming the colonists off the planet, hyperonic radiation renders the transporters useless. Because of this, a complete evacuation of the planet would take an estimated three weeks as no dedicated transport ships are available until then, and the Sheliak are not willing to give the Federation any extra time beyond the three days required by the treaty.

After explaining the situation and being rebuffed by the colony's leader, Gosheven, Data is befriended by a sympathetic colonist named Ard'rian. She expresses interest in Data as an android and invites Data to her home, where they discuss ways to persuade the colonists to evacuate. To his puzzlement Ard'rian kisses Data. Data explains to the colonists that they should evacuate their world before its imminent destruction, pointing out by reverse psychology that the only result of their heroic hopeless last stand will be their total annihilation. Gosheven, however, refuses to leave and insists they will protect themselves by fighting, which many of the colonists agree with.

With time running out, Captain Picard and the Enterprise crew begin poring through the 500,000-word treaty in the hopes of finding something they can use to their advantage.

At a meeting at Ard'rian’s home, Data talks to several of the colonists who are thinking of leaving the doomed colony; Gosheven comes in and electrocutes Data. Data recovers and reasons that if persuasion cannot work, then intimidation through a show of force should be his next option. Modifying his phaser to work in the hyperonic atmosphere, he raids the colonists' aqueduct to prove they are helpless to defend their livelihood. When Data easily stuns the colonists guarding the aqueduct, he points out that if they can't defend against a single person with a phaser, then they aren't capable of fighting the hundreds of Sheliak, who would likely destroy them via orbital bombardment. Data then sends a phaser charge up the aqueduct system to vaporise the water that is vital to the colony's survival, convincing the colonists to evacuate the world. Gosheven reluctantly relents.

Back on the Enterprise, Picard exploits a loophole in the treaty. He invokes a section calling for third-party arbitration to resolve the dispute and names as arbitrators the Grizzelas, a species that is in its hibernation cycle for another six months. Picard offers the Sheliak a choice: wait six months for the Grizzelas to come out of hibernation, or give the Federation three weeks to evacuate the colony. Ultimately, the Sheliak give the Federation the three weeks.

Just as Data is about to leave the colony in his shuttle, Ard'rian comes to say goodbye. She asks Data if he has any feeling over what has just happened, and Data explains that he cannot experience feelings. To her surprise, He then kisses Ard'rian. She remarks that he "realized" she needed a kiss; Data leaves Ard'rian and returns to the Enterprise.

Aboard the Enterprise, Picard comments on Data's performance at a classical concert before his mission with the human colonists. Picard tells Data he performed with feeling, and Data reminds Picard that he has no feeling. Picard says that this is hard to believe, noting his fusion of two very different music styles in his performance suggests real creativity. At that, and in obvious reflection of his recent solution of the colony problem, Data concedes that he has become more creative when necessary.

Review:

It’s taken me reading through Memory Alpha’s notes on this episode to get any idea of what this episode’s title means. Apparently, it’s taken from a poem by John Quincey Adams and talks about ensigns as in flags or symbols rather than the officer rank used in TNG. However, this episode is focusing more on Data struggling with how to take command when his lack of emotion hinders him. That has nothing to do with flags or symbols, so for me the episode feels completely mis-labelled. I think the writers should have worked longer and harder to find a more literal title and not picked a random line from a bloody poem (I, for one, find poetry to be largely intolerable; just a bunch of bad song lyrics no one could be arsed to put to music in the vast majority of cases where I’m concerned).

That aside, this is a decent episode that does well to show Data having to cope in a situation a bit outside his comfort zone, while Picard and company do well to support the main story in their contributions to the episode. It’s also a good episode about not only the merits of playing on people’s emotions and actions often having more impact than words, not to mention the importance of putting lives above places and possessions in crisis situations. I also don’t much mind that Goshoven’s prejudice against Data isn’t better explored, since that would have just repeated ‘Measure of a Man’ from last season, and that wouldn’t add anything to the show as a whole, nor to this episode in particular. Overall, I give it 9 out of 10.

Episode 3: The Survivors

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise responds to a distress call from a Federation colony on Delta Rana IV and discovers the planet to be devastated and devoid of life, save for a patch of land containing a house and vegetation. Transporting to the surface, the away team meets the human occupants of the house, Kevin and Rishon Uxbridge, who claim to have witnessed the attack that destroyed the colony, but are unaware that they are the only survivors. The team, finding nothing of interest save for a small music box, insists that the Uxbridges return to the Enterprise for safety, but they refuse. Aboard the Enterprise, Counsellor Troi begins to hear the music from the music box in her mind constantly, each repetition slightly louder than the last, which eventually reduces her to screaming hysterics. Dr Crusher is forced to place her in an induced coma.

An unknown spacecraft appears and attacks the Enterprise, then flees. The Enterprise gives chase but is unable to overtake the spaceship; eventually Captain Picard orders the Enterprise to return to the planet. Picard transports to the surface personally; Kevin suggests they were spared because they are pacifists. Upon the away team's return, the spaceship appears in orbit again, this time delivering a far more powerful attack. Picard orders the Enterprise to leave the system first, but then begins to suspect that the crew is being toyed with.

Returning to the planet again, Picard transports to the surface to plead with the Uxbridges to leave with him. After being refused again, Picard tells them the Enterprise will remain to protect them as long as they live, and returns to the ship. The alien spaceship appears again and destroys the Uxbridges' home. Picard orders an attack on the craft, and unlike the previous encounters, easily destroys it. Playing on a suspicion, Picard has the Enterprise move to a higher orbit; after a short time, the Uxbridges' home reappears.

Picard orders the Uxbridges beamed up to the Enterprise and confronts Kevin with his suspicions: Kevin and Rishon's house was destroyed in the attack and Rishon was killed, but Kevin, who is not human, has recreated them both, and created the alien warship to dissuade the Enterprise from investigating. Kevin admits the truth, and the illusory Rishon disappears. He removes the torturous music that he had placed in Troi's mind to prevent her from telepathically identifying him.

Kevin reveals that he is a Douwd, an immortal energy being with vast powers, who fell in love with Rishon and settled with her on Rana IV. When the planet was attacked by an aggressive, destructive species called the Husnock, he refused to join the fight in accordance with his species' pacifism. Rishon, however, died defending the colony. Stricken with grief, Kevin lashed out with his vast powers and wiped out the entire Husnock species; over 50 billion. Horrified by his crime, he chose self-exile to the planet, creating the replicas of Rishon and their house to spend the rest of eternity. Picard states that they are not qualified to be his judges, having no laws to fit the magnitude of his crime. The Enterprise leaves Kevin and his illusion in peace, and Picard confirms he will issue a warning not to visit the planet. Picard later opines in his log that a being as powerful and conscientious as Kevin is best left alone.

Review:

This is an interesting mystery episode that seems to focus primarily on Picard, since he works out the mystery fairly quickly but then keeps the solution, or at least his part of it, unrevealed until much later. However, once again the idiocy of Roddenberry rears its head, as according to an episode commentary I watched on a later episode in this round, 24th century humans supposedly weren’t meant to get angry at anything in Roddenberry’s mind. This is a stupid idea that is totally unbelievable, and as a result no one objects to Picard’s apparent sacrifice of the Uxbridges. No one but Picard has apparently deduced they’re dealing with illusions of a kind, so surely someone should have questioned the captain’s actions.

This is a clear-cut example of why Roddenberry becoming less involved during this season and eventually leaving Trek was a fundamental necessity for the franchise’s long-term survival. To believe that humans, that any species, could ever lose such an integral and necessary emotion as anger, or that losing our anger is somehow a desirable evolutionary path, is simply idiotic. The fact that suppressing human emotion was the subject of a dystopian film like Equilibrium is also proof of this, as the dystopian emotion-suppressing regime is total collapse by that film’s end and rightly so.

However, there’s not much issue exploration in this episode. The mystery, when revealed, turns out to be Trek doing its own version of what Chris Claremont did in X-Men comics with the Dark Phoenix saga, but since the cosmically powered being going too far in moments of overwhelming need or emotion is just a guest character, it lacks the same sort of resonance. The bottom line is this episode shows that despite the quality of the season’s first two episodes, TNG had yet to fully abandon its errors of the first two seasons. I also absolutely loathed Troi’s hysteria performance and had to fast-forward it. On balance, I’d give this episode 5 out of 10.

Episode 4: Who Watches The Watchers

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise travels to the planet Mintaka III to resupply and repair a Federation outpost being used to monitor the Mintakan people, a proto-Vulcan race near a Bronze Age level of cultural development.

As the Enterprise nears the outpost, an accident causes the holographic rockface to disappear, exposing the outpost to Liko, a Mintakan. Liko attempts to approach and is hit with an electrical shock, which causes him to fall off the cliff and sustain critical injuries. When Chief Medical Officer Dr Crusher rushes to provide aid, she realizes the injuries are too severe to treat there and has him transported to the Enterprise for treatment despite the action violating the Prime Directive. Liko becomes conscious and witnesses everything occurring in Sick Bay, and focuses on Captain Picard giving instructions. Dr Crusher is able to heal Liko and attempts to wipe his memory of the incident before returning him to the planet. Commander Riker suggests that he and Counsellor Troi disguise themselves as Mintakans in order to search for Palmer, a missing member of the anthropological team, and to monitor Liko, to make sure the memory wipe worked. They discover to their horror that the mind wipe did not take, as Liko recalls an image of "the Picard", and has convinced other Mintakans that the Picard must be their god.

Troi and Riker subtly try to dispel the myth of the Picard, which gains traction until a hunting party arrives with a delirious Palmer in tow. While Troi provides a diversion, telling the clan that another "like Palmer" is heading for the caves, Riker ties up an elderly man who was left behind to keep an eye on Palmer, and Riker and Palmer run away, and narrowly escape back to the Enterprise. Unfortunately, Troi is captured and held captive for her hand in the escape, leaving Picard to take steps to rectify the situation without further violation of the Prime Directive.

Picard transports Nuria, the leader of the village where Troi is being held, to the Enterprise and attempts to show her that he and the rest of the crew are mortal, including having her witness the death of a member of the anthropological team in Sickbay. Picard returns with Nuria to the surface in the middle of a thunderstorm, which Liko has taken as a sign of the Picard's anger. Nuria attempts to rationalize with Liko, but Liko demands his own proof of Picard's mortality and aims an arrow at Picard. Picard insists that if that is the only proof that Liko will accept, then Liko should shoot. Liko does, but his daughter pushes him so that he only wounds Picard. Nuria shows Liko Picard's blood from the wound, and Liko and the others come to accept that Picard is not a god. Picard and Troi return to the Enterprise, and after he is treated, Picard returns to the surface one last time, and explains to the Mintakans that they will be removing the outpost and allowing them to develop on their own. Before Picard leaves, Nuria gives him a Mintakan tapestry as a gift.

Review:

This is our second Picard-centric episode on the run, and it’s much better in terms of both performance and issue exploration, not to mention emotional expression. Moreover, it’s another chance to explore and debate that classic Trek chestnut known as the Prime Directive, which this time is broken by accident when it would obviously have been better to avoid that situation, and thereafter the issue becomes how best to resolve it. As someone who thinks all religions are best treated as theories until proven or disproven by science (which in real life science cannot yet achieve), I enjoyed this because it honestly tries to look at the issue from both sides, albeit not for long.

The episode explores the idea of an advanced race appearing god-like to a less advanced civilisation, which in more recent times has been utilised to work Thor and the Asgardian race into Marvel’s film in a sci-fi way rather than as beings of mystic fantasy, and also points out the inherent flaw in all religions. Basically, once our guest aliens start believing in Picard as a god, they’re almost constantly trying to work out what do, and as Troi points out, “that’s the problem with believing in a supernatural being; trying to work out what he wants.” This is where all religions fall down, because by and large that supernatural being never appears, never communicates directly, so you have no reliable, impartial means by which to determine if what ‘God’, ‘Allah’, ‘Zeus’, ‘Odin’ or whoever wants you to do has or hasn’t been done.

The guest character of Dr Barron even suggests that to minimise the damage caused by the Prime Directive being violated, Picard actually step into that supernatural being role and impose commandments so that the potential religion goes in a positive direction, but Picard shoots the idea down. He sees the abandoning of religion as an achievement, and to a degree I see his point of view. A lot of our history’s worst moments have been born out of misinterpreting or misusing religion as an excuse for wars, bigotry, inquisitions, etc. and that’s even when there are commandments built into a religion. The reality is that while religion can have its positive elements, it is ultimately through secular morality that isn’t based on abstract that a society is more likely to progress and thrive.

For me, this is a great episode and another example of Trek at its finest. I give it top marks because it really doesn’t put a foot wrong; 10 out of 10.

Episode 5: The Bonding

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

While investigating a planet once occupied by Koinonians, Lt. Worf and members of the Enterprise away team trigger an ancient mine. They are transported to Sickbay, but Lieutenant Marla Aster is dead. As Captain Picard delivers the news of Marla's death to her son Jeremy, Wesley Crusher talks with Commander Riker about how Picard had delivered the news of his father's death to his mother and himself. Worf expresses his desire to make R'uustai, a Klingon bonding ritual with Jeremy, as they are both orphans and he believes he can help the boy recover emotionally, but Counsellor Troi warns that Jeremy may react badly if Worf makes such an offer too soon.

The crew investigates the planet, discovering mines that were recently unearthed and exposed. They observe a beam of charged particles emanating from the surface headed towards the Enterprise, while Troi senses a new presence from the planet. In Jeremy's quarters, a physical manifestation of Marla appears, explaining that the crew mistakenly considered her dead and that she wants Jeremy to live on the planet. Worf and security officers follow the two, preventing "Marla" from using the transporter to return to the planet, and Troi and Picard also intervene. Troi and Jeremy return to the Aster family quarters, which has the appearance of the Asters' home on Earth. Chief Engineer La Forge tunes the shields to stop the particle beam, causing "Marla" to disappear and the room returns to normal.

A filament rises from the planet, striking the Enterprise and disrupting the shields; "Marla" appears and takes Jeremy, intent on going to the transporter room. Picard contains "Marla" with force fields and talks to her. "Marla" explains that she is one of two races that once lived on the planet; her species, made from energy, watched the other physical species wipe themselves out from wars and her people want to prevent more suffering caused by the remnants of the war, thus providing Jeremy with the illusion of his mother still being alive. Picard and Troi point out that dealing with death is part of the human condition. Wesley explains to Jeremy how he dealt with his father's death, explaining he was initially angry with Picard for living while his father died. Jeremy expresses his own anger at Worf, but Troi points out they are both orphans, while Worf notes that he was aided by humans after he lost his parents. Jeremy decides to go with Worf. Realizing that Jeremy will be all right, the illusion of Marla disappears and the alien presence is no more.

Sometime later, Worf and Jeremy undertake the R'uustai ritual.

Review:

This is the episode I was talking about earlier where I checked out the commentary and discovered yet more example of how idiotic some of Roddenberry’s idealism got. The episode is very much centred around the necessity of grieving for those we lose to death and how we go through that, and Roddenberry apparently didn’t want the affected child in this episode getting angry, part of which was down to this idea that 24th century humans just don’t get angry. The other part was that he thought the humans of this time period would be taught to accept death from an early age, and as such there would be no inter-personal conflict as a result of someone losing anyone close to them.

Frankly, that’s about the most inhuman concept I could imagine, because having experienced the loss of all my grandparents to various causes, most of which allowed for some preparation time, I can attest to this being the worst idea imaginable. Nothing is ever going to prepare you to lose someone close to you, and no amount of time or human advancement will ever make accepting death any easier. Luckily, the re-writes on the show’s original script nicely bypass Roddenberry’s filters and keep the natural emotions of grieving in there; they just lay beneath the surface of most of the affected characters because everyone’s basically repressing them, and there’s a kind of gentle catharsis for everyone in the final act.

It’s also an episode where I feel the intended and actual focus of the story are different. This was apparently meant to be a Worf story, but so much focus is put on the guest characters, not to mention Troi, Picard and Wesley, that it doesn’t really seem like Worf ends up really being the true focal point at all. However, it’s interesting to see how all these characters make worthwhile contributions to the subject at hand. Wesley and Worf have both been through the same kind of thing Jeremy has experienced, Troi is brilliant acting as counsellor and helping everyone out (this is how she should be in more of her own episodes), and then you’ve got Picard not only struggling with this terrible duty, but also with the question of ‘why do we let families on this ship?’

The last point is one that I think many people will find puzzling about TNG’s Enterprise; it’s a Federation ship, the Starfleet flagship at that, and we’ve seen by now how much danger it can encounter. As such, Picard has the right idea in noting how dubious a decision it is to have families, to have children and non-Starfleet adults, aboard a ship of exploration when it’s constantly risking the unknown and the potential perils that lurk therein. It’s notable that later shows, and even all TNG films after Generations, removed the family ship concept. We also get Data making some quite relevant queries and observations in a scene with Riker, so almost all the crew get their moment to comment, with only Geordi missing out from the main cast in terms of the focal issue.

However, overall, it’s a brilliant episode, and a great testament to the wisdom of Michael Piller. Another thing he did as head writer was to open the door to spec scripts, which were scripts submitted by the general public. This enabled Trek fans and unestablished writers to make contributions and, in some cases, to get on the Trek shows. Melissa Snodgrass’ script for ‘Measure of a Man’ was an early example of a spec script being used, and this one came courtesy of Ronald D. Moore, who ended up becoming a staff writer on the Trek shows for a decade after a few spec script successes. If you can get this quality of Trek by taking on unsolicited fan scripts rather than using established TV writers who have little understanding of the franchise, then I think a lot of other franchises need to tap their fan-base in the same way. All in all, I give this episode 10 out of 10.

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bthenoise · 4 years

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Q&A: Telle Smith Talks The Changing Landscape Of The Word Alive & How ‘Monomania’ Is Leading The Charge

No matter how much some of us might dislike it, change is inevitable. In order to grow, adjustments must be made.

Now does that mean forgetting your past and creating something entirely different? Of course not. But in order to become better, you can't be afraid to challenge your former self.

Taking this way of thinking and applying it to their music is Arizona act The Word Alive. Giving their previous metalcore-laden sound a 2020 makeover, the Fearless Records outfit has returned better than ever with their new melodic twelve-track effort Monomania.

Detailing this concept of change and pursuing pure authenticity, frontman Telle Smith opened up about his band’s writing process saying, “This definitely is the most The Word Alive record we've ever made because this one is the closest to who we all actually are versus what I think people's perceived idea of what we should be.”

Smith added, “And I know that doesn't always leave every listener happy, but ultimately, if we're not happy with what we're doing and creating and feel like it's pushing ourselves and our story forward then there wouldn't be a point of us being a band.”

For more behind-the-scenes chit-chat on Monomania plus what fans can expect from The Word Alive’s upcoming Noise Presents tour with Falling In Reverse and Escape The Fate, be sure to read our in-depth interview with Smith below. Afterward, make sure to not only pre-order Monomania before it hits stores February 21st but also grab tickets to see The Word Alive out on tour here.

What does the title Monomania mean to you? Is there a specific thing that inspired the title for this record?

So kind of an overall theme throughout the record is really just a loss of perspective. You know, when you fixate on the wrong thing or the wrong things, that's all you can see. You don't see the good, you don't see the positive, you can't find the silver lining. When you feel like your life is falling apart and that's all you're focusing on, you're not going to really do much to change that course. So for me, that was kind of where I was a few years ago and it really took the last three years to get to a really good place. I had just pushed so many things, so many experiences, a lot of pain, different traumas -- I mean, throughout my life, I'd always done that -- but especially in my adult life, I had really not dealt with a lot of things and I was starting to kind of just lose who I was. And you know, I didn't even realize it because when you are fixating on things and you lose your perspective, it changes you. It definitely changed me and I was able to still quote-unquote “be enough of myself” to not alarm most people in my life but there were some people who recognized it and said things about it. I kind of either brushed it off or dismissed it or I was even defensive at times about it.

So to me, a lot of the songs are just the story of how far away I got from myself and how I kind of had to destroy that part of me to get back to myself. So a lot of it has to do with that. Not every song. But you know, like “Burning Your World Down” does, “Monomania” does. “No Way Out” is literally about the worst day of my entire life. So there's a lot of really personal songs on the record. Not every song is [though]. “Another Year In The Shadows” is not about me. There are a few songs here and there that aren't. But for the majority, the whole record is kind of just about that place because I think a lot of people get stuck and they don't find their way out. And this is kind of my reflection on that time, how I was feeling some of the things I was going through that I didn't talk about ever. And, you know, I hope that it can be something that people can be like, “Oh shit, that's how I feel” or “That's what I'm going through.” And hopefully, they can see where I'm at now and use that as a little bit of motivation to maybe face some things in their lives that might be painful and uncomfortable but ultimately it's the right thing to do.

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So do you think writing this record was pretty therapeutic for you to get out of that negative space?

Yeah, I felt like I had this baggage that even though I had overcome it in a lot of ways, I definitely feel like I was still carrying it because I felt like I wasn't sharing really where I've been. Some people had noticed I was either different or I was falling into mental or emotional traps or things like negative coping mechanisms that were pulling me away. But for the most part, no one really knew. And so this is kind of my like, you know, “Hey, I'm sorry for the way I may have been towards certain people. This is me taking responsibility for it.” But it's also me trying to say like, “Hey, this is a chapter in my life. I can't change it but I can acknowledge that it's there.” Like, I don't want to ever forget about it. I don't want to act like it didn't happen. That's not my goal. My goal is to just have it there and acknowledge that this is what happens if you don't make the right choices and you don't chase what's best for you which is trying to be the best version of yourself every day. So this record is going to be a huge reminder of a turning point in my life and hopefully also the band's career at the same time.

It's great that you're being so open and honest about all of this, especially since a lot of your fans use your music to help them get through their own dark times and negative spaces. What kind of music do you usually find yourself listening to when you get into that kind of headspace?

It's funny because, for me, I listen to a completely different style of music. When I'm feeling a little bit down, I listen to a lot of like Tycho, Explosions In The Sky. I listen to artists like Sasha Sloane, Alec Benjamin and people who do a really good job of writing about their emotions and what they're going through or gone through or just like music that kind of carries the mood. So that's more where I lean when I'm trying to relate emotion to a sound because you know, a lot of people associate hard rock and heavy music with anger. And sometimes, obviously, that's the case. I think when I was younger, I was more angry and just kind of had so much to prove and I think that showed in our music and our lyrics. But now it's a lot more being reflective. I think some people, you know, they hear music and it makes them feel something and sometimes our music is what people use to go to the gym. Sometimes it's going to be what they use to get over a breakup to not feel alone if maybe they don't have the best home life or they're struggling with depression and anxiety. And then for some people, it's like their driving music, it's their get-ready-to-go-out-and-have-a-good-time music. Music is whatever language that person needs it to be and it just depends on your mood and kind of where your thought process is at the time.

Those artists that you listed, do you think any of those influences carried over into this new record?

I think so. I think because of me listening to so much music that isn't in our genre or our relative genre even, I think the way that I went about melody on this album was completely different. I know this is the most that I've felt like myself vocally. [Producer] Eric Ron did a great job of capturing everything I wanted to have in my voice. Like, this is how I've wanted my voice to sound for years. With our early recordings, it was like 18 layers of screaming -- not actually 18 -- but it was a lot and you can't possibly sound like that. And a lot of the times, it was more than one person screaming and with singing, it was just, you know, whether it was tuned, polished or they would just have me sing the notes like straight on, that was what was popular for that style of music at the time but it wasn't me. And for the first time ever, someone let me just be myself. So everything you hear on this record is how I wanted to sound. It's how I would sing something naturally. When I scream, there's not a ton of layers. I scream stuff like a few times and then that was that. I wanted it to feel very raw. I wanted it to feel more like how it is in a live setting because I look back and say like, Deceiver, Life Cycles, Real -- those records, in particular, I barely even recognize that voice. It's not because I don't understand how it came to be but it's not an actual person. Like, I don't actually sound like that. So for me, it would be like someone playing back your voice and you not recognizing it all versus like now I'm like, “Yeah, this is how I feel I sound in my head.” So I love the way that not having genre restrictions melodically -- like, the guys were just totally open to me doing whatever I wanted or felt was right. I feel like there's a lot more variety in the style of vocals from singing soft or aggressively, whether I'm singing in a lower register to the highest. I just feel like I could do whatever felt right to me. And I feel like that just makes the vocal performance way more authentic.

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Coming into this record, was the idea of authenticity and trying new styles where you guys wanted to go initially?

Yeah, I think where everyone has been we understand how we started, but ultimately, when we started The Word Alive and for the first several years, none of us really knew who we were individually -- let alone who the band was or what we wanted the band to be. Fortunately enough, we made enough songs people loved and it resonated with them so it carried us past 10 years to where we weren't just kids anymore. We're adults now who have enough life experience to truly make decisions that are made not just where we've been, where we are but where we want to go.

So for us, this definitely is the most The Word Alive record we've ever made because this one is the closest to who we all actually are versus what I think people's perceived idea of what we should be. And I know that doesn't always leave every listener happy, but ultimately, if we're not happy with what we're doing and creating and feel like it’s pushing ourselves and our story forward then there wouldn't be a point of us being a band. So there are times on this record where there are no guitars at all -- which, going back to our beginning, that would have never happened. But now, we're more about the overall song, the mood, what is this song about, what are we trying to convey, what emotional journey are we trying to take someone on in this... And if that means no guitars or if that means what you hear on some of the songs -- like “Numb Love” has one of the craziest guitar parts we've ever done, “I'm Sorry You're Sorry Now" has one of I think the best and most beautiful guitar solos we've ever done. So we have those elements. Even the last track, I think there are parts that are just so amazing and so much more thought out than just how fast can we play. I think everything carries a weight of the emotion of the song. And everything is very calculated. Everyone wanted to fill the space that was needed, not just fill space to be there. I'm really proud of how the record turned out. I'm very conscious of the fact that everyone in the band just did what was best for the song at any given time. Sometimes that's me doing less, sometimes it's guitars or sometimes that's programming or drums and then everyone still has their time to shine and really show what everyone can do. So it was a really fun process this time around.

Are you surprised it's taken five records for you guys to come to this space collectively? You know, where you're doing things how you want to do it instead of following the trends of the scene?

You know, I am and I'm not. I know we started feeling this way when we started making Dark Matter and that's when you can tell a sonic shift in our sound really was the most obvious because the sample size for the songs prior to it like on Real -- like if you have a song like “Collapsing” or Life Cycles’ “Astral Plane.” They're not metal songs, they're not metalcore songs, they're not necessarily anything that has a small box name to go with it. We felt like certain songs we were doing had a motion to them and then some songs were like, “Alright, here's the chorus, then we're going to do a build-up, then we're gonna do a breakdown and we're going to do this. And we have to have this in the song, we have to have that in the song.” And it used to be so calculated in a like “pleasing someone” way. And now it's calculated in what is best for this song and what is the story that we're telling. I just think it's a lot deeper now. But am I surprised it took us this long? Yes and no. Yes because, say you hit like 25 [years old] and you're like, “Alright, I got it. I know who I am.” Well, we didn't know shit. And then it's like, we all hit 30 and we're like, “You know, we got it all figured out. Not in the way that we thought we did at 25. Now we know that we have it all figured out to here, like up to this point.” And we know that we're just constantly growing and evolving, changing, learning, experiencing new things. And that's going to shift the way we think, the way we feel, the way we emote. So, I'm not surprised because now looking back, I'm like, “Yeah, that's a natural thing people go through. It takes time.” I'm surprised that it took us this long just because we started feeling this way so much sooner than when I feel like we actually got to display it. But thankfully, our fans let us experiment. We had to put out the records we put out to get to this point. If it took five albums to get this record, I can't imagine what it's going to be like for the next five.

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In today's day and age with fan interaction being so direct and immediate with Twitter or YouTube comments, do you find that it's more challenging to be authentic and really put your full self out there?

Well, it's funny because I was being as open as I knew how along the way but there were several years where -- I'd say probably like 2014 to 2018, maybe even 2019, almost half of our whole career -- I really struggled with the concept of separating how I feel and how proud I am of the music compared to the way the world is changing with social media. And yeah, seeing people berate you online is never going to make you feel good by any means. But I just didn't have the mental and emotional strength at that point in my life to really deal with it in the best way. Like now, it's not that I don't care at all -- I would love if people liked our music, of course -- but I don't mind if someone doesn't. I just understand that our music is being pushed out to potentially millions of people around the world. I would be insane to think that it's going to connect and resonate with every single person. And I had to get to a certain point in my life where I realized that some people, because of the way the world is, they feel the need to let you know they don't like it or they don't resonate with it or they might say that with lot harsher set of words. But for me, I just understand that it doesn't say anything about me. That doesn't speak to my musical tastes or ability. It doesn't make me or my band any less talented. It's just how they feel about the music and that's fine because there's something that they will love. I do wish that people would focus more on what they love then what they hate. But I think people who are enjoying things are just busy enjoying it. Whereas that person that seems so loud on the internet, that's what gives them a rush in their day or something. I don't know what it is exactly because I'm not like that, I don't relate to it but I wish those people the best and I'm just thankful that I'm at a point now in my life where I make the music I want to make. I love what it is. I love playing shows, I love meeting our fans. I love sharing stories and I'm going to do it until the day I die regardless of if some people don't like it. I mean, that is kind of inconsequential to my life at this point.

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That's a great way to look at it. Hopefully, people take away some of the positives you pointed out and apply it to their own lives. It's too bad there isn't a study on why people have to talk shit on social media. Maybe people tend to stick together more with negative things than positive things?

I think it's just as harmful for the person doing it as the person receiving the negativity or the backlash. Habits have a way of forming and pulling you away from your true self and who you want to be in life. And, you know, someone might say, “Well, I just go on the internet and I do this and then I go about my day.” But there's a pull. They get some sort of satisfaction from it otherwise they wouldn't keep doing it. And when you get satisfaction from ultimately hurting someone or attempting to, I can't imagine that's a very fulfilling way to live. And I think a lot of people confuse hate with criticism. You know, it's totally fine to be critical and ask questions and wonder what could be at times. But, you know, when it goes much deeper and it's personal and you feel the need to attack someone, I just don't feel like that's a healthy way to live your life in any way. I mean, can you imagine only going places with the intention of hoping you don't like it so you can leave a bad Yelp review? You're not going to enjoy things. And also, if I had a dollar for every person who's written me over the years who maybe hated a song or album that we put out then months or years later wrote me and was like, “You know what, I listened to it a few more times and I actually like it now or I love it” or like, “Man, I just went through this in my life and now this song means everything to me” then maybe people could actually call me a sellout because I'd have a lot of money.

[Laughs] Going from negative to positive, another exciting thing you guys have going is the tour you’re about to start with Falling In Reverse and Escape The Fate. You've been friends with those guys for a really long time. What's it going to be like for all of you to play shows together?

I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. Like you said, we've all been friends. I've been friends with Ronnie [Radke] for 10 years now and Craig [Mabbitt] for 12 years now because we were friends before The Word Alive was even a thing and then obviously had a little hiccup for about six months. But we've been friends for a long time. All that old drama and what people think is a big deal, like all of us, we're older. Those dudes have kids now. I don't have any offspring but we're all just adults now that can look back on those things and laugh. Half the time, antagonizing situations on the internet are just things we can laugh at it. So it's gonna be a lot of fun. The shows are selling extremely well. And it's what fans wanted. That's why we did this tour. I mean, the first time I started talking to Ronnie about doing this was almost a year ago. So it just took a lot of schedules shifting and trying to find the time to do it. Once we found out this was going to be the best time, we were like, “You know what, let's do this.” This is going to be something that all of our fans, especially the old school fans, are going to really enjoy. But obviously, we're all doing new things now. So I think for us, it's going to be a great opportunity to showcase what we've become over that time.

Yeah, it should be cool for some fans who haven't seen you guys play in a few years to see how you all have grown and progressed.

Yeah, and we're doing something special. We're playing a song that no one thought we would ever play that we've never played live. We're going to play "Heartless" for the very first time.

Wow!

It's funny because we retired Deceiver but we didn't say the deluxe edition so we felt like this tour was the perfect tour to play it for the first and probably last time. We might play it on a headliner depending on how well it goes over, which I'm assuming it's going to go over well. But yeah, we haven't forgotten our fans at all and we want to do something fun for them, especially on this tour. So I'm looking forward to trying not to botch all of those crazy lyrics.

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#The Word Alive #Monomania #Fearless Records #Telle Smith #interview

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