#if i could be this good w friends why couldnt i be the same my parents

[glitterinmyveinss]

// say yes to heaven //

johnny knoxville x reader

authors note: Johnny goes by PJ, some things might be innacurate apologies in advance, mentions of homophobic slurs (i can say it)

❥༄ It's a warm july evening, the sunset sky looks like cotton candy, the kids are still out playing, and me and pj are on the steps of his trailer drinking some cold beers. i've known pj ever since me n my mom first moved to Tennesse at age 5. i ponder back on that moment, the memory still fresh in my mind.

❥༄ "y/n! get your boxes from the back of the uhaul girl!" my mother shouted. i sighed and made my way from the empty field to the back of the van we came in while my mother put her belongings inside our new home. a boy around my age with dark chocolate hair, warm brown eyes, and a horrendous haircut came up to me. "are you my new neighbors?" he asked enthusiastically. i nodded shyly. "cool! i'm pj by the way. my trailers right there." i glanced over to where he was pointing. i noticed a brown trailer with white stripes, white steps, and various beer cans and cigarette butts littering the patch of grass in front. i turned back to him and introduced myself back. "my names y/n. my parents divorced so we moved here." "mine are divorced too! wanna be friends?" we've been inseparable ever since.

❥༄ i set down my can with a sigh and put my hands in my hair. i've lived in the same trailer ever since, things never really got better for me and my mom. i started working at the local jcpennys working the beauty department but that's it, and Pjs been working with his dad at his auto repair shop ever since we were 13. pj turned to look at me, his brows furrowed and his eyes fixated on me. "what's troublin' you doll?" i picked my head up with a sad smile. i loved when he called me that. "whens it gonna get better peej?" i let out a dry chuckle. "i mean are we just gonna stay in this town our whole lives? living pay check to pay check?" he huffed and turned away from me. "i don't know y/n...why are you bringing this up?" "because i don't want that to be my life pj. maybe it was good for our parents but...don't you want different?" he took another sip from his can and a long drag from his cigarette and was quiet for a while. "of course i want different but it's not that simple y/n...plus the world needs workers like us and our parents anyway." i couldnt belive what he was saying. it was so out of character for him. he was never one to conform to society despite us growing up in the south where you'd get called a fag for just about anything. but people didn't care when it came to pj. he could be wearing a tutu and still look cool. that's why i didn't understand why he was giving up his future to stay in a town like this when the world had so much more to offer him, to offer us. "you know, i don't get you sometimes pj." i threw my can on the porch and sat up. "when are you gonna wake up y/n?" he shouted at me. i looked at him wint utter confusion painted on my face. he stared back at me with those piercing dark eyes. anytime i looked into them, it was like i was stuck in place, and like the rest of the world was no more, just me and pj. "w-what do you mean?" i spoke. he scoffed at me and continued, still shouting. "do you think it's that easy? that we can just leave this all behind and start a new life like that?" i huffed in frustration and crossed my arms, "that's not what i meant and you know it. i just meant that we both have dreams pj. what about your writing?" he turned away from me and shook his head, his eyes were even darker now due to his mood. i noticed there were imprints on his can due to his grip on it. "what about my writing y/n? you heard my dad." a while ago, pj shared with his dad his dreams of being a writer, and how he wanted to write for this magazine in LA, just to get his foot out the door. his dad didn't take it well at all and said he better get the wrench he asked for because writing won't pay the bills. i stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. pj got up to stomp his cigarette out. when he was done he locked eyes with me. he stared at me with such intensity, it made my knees buckle and my stomach flip. maybe it's a good thing he wore shades 99.9% of the time. i wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug him, let him know that anyone who doubted him didn't know what they were talking about. that me and him could make it on our own. but we were just friends. and he was even more stubborn drunk than he was sober. he turned to go inside then stopped. "you better get home y/n...it's getting dark." i felt the tears sting the corners of my eyes, like bees in the summer time. this wasn't the first time we fought like this, but it's the first time he didn't invite me in afterwards. usually he'd say something along the lines of sorry, or how he has some left over apple pie he needs help eating, really he would say any excuse. but this time, it was like he wanted nothing to do with me. "you're a coward philip and you know it." i shouted. "you have just as much potential as anyone else in this world to do something great, but you're scared!" he stayed with his back towards me, his fists clenched and his head low. "leave y/n."

❥༄ i stared at him until my vision became blurry with tears, which didn't take long. i've always been emotional. i ran away from him, in the direction of our old elementary. i always went there when things became too much to handle and i just needed somewhere to escape to. once i got there i sat on the old rusty swings that squeaked each time you swayed. i felt like shit. maybe i was too hard on pj. it's just that all i wanted was for me and him to have a good future. maybe the reason why i got so mad was because i imagined our futures would be us as lovers, not best friends. i wish i brought one of those beers before i left. i heard rustling coming from my left side and when i turned to look, i saw pj. i turned away and stared at the ground. it was quiet for a while while he sat on the swing beside me. "i'm sorry doll. i didn't mean to yell at you like that, you know how i get when i drink coors." i began to sob as i spoke, "no peej i'm sorry, i was too hard on you." i put my head in my hands and hid my face. pjs eyes scrunched up as he began laughing at me. "oh come on y/n, no need to bring out the water works. we're all good girl" he moved his hand and began rubbing my back. i sniffled and picked my head up, turning to him with a small smile that he returned.

❥༄ it was like that for a while. just me and pj swaying back and forth, till he spoke up. "you know i'm not a coward y/n..." i faced him and frantically began explaining myself. "i know pj i'm sorry it's j-" he cut me off. "the only reason why i'm not doing what i want is because... i wanna keep you close to me." i stayed staring at him. my eyes wider than usual, and my lips tucked between my teeth. "the magazine i wanna write for is based in LA. that means i would have to move there." i remained quiet. he turned to look at me. "come on y/n say some-" it was probably the alcohol more than me, but out of no where, i decided to kiss him. his lips were warm snd soft, i could still taste the cigarettes and coors on his breath. i felt euphoric and nauseous all at once. i pulled away awkwardly and faced him. "i'm sorry peej, i don't know-" he cupped the side of my face and pulled me in for a second kiss. after a minute we pulled away, but we were stuck staring at eachother, like one would disappear if the other dared to look away. "i'll go with you." i spoke, barely above a whisper. pj scrunched his face in confusion. "pardon?" i rolled my eyes at him. sometimes he was such an airhead. "i'll go with you to LA. just say the word and i'll go pj." he stared at me with a goofy crooked smile and picked me up from the swing. i squealed as he threw me over his shoulder. "let's start packing then. we'll get the first flight out as soon as we're done." even though i was upside down and felt dizzy, i couldn't be happier.

#johnny knoxville #philip john clap #johnny knoxville x reader #philip john clap x reader #jackass #jackass x reader #jackass headcanons #2000s aesthetic #fanfic #trailer park au #steve o #steve o x reader #chris pontius #chris pontius x reader #dave england #ehren danger #wee man #bam margera #preston lacy #dave england x reader

[aetherdoesthings]

hello! good night! i was scrolling down and i saw your post about requests... and i was going to ask if i could do one even though i didnt follow you before realizing you were the luffy angst writter!!! that i follow for that series/three-shot!!! anyways;

could you do something about a reader (f! or gn! reader, the one you prefer) getting a tattoo? (a tramp stamp to be more specific, if you can) with robin, shanks, luffy and crocodile? it can be platonic or romantic/suggestive! i had the idea of getting one for a little while and i couldnt resist the temptation of having some thoughts w/them...

thank you very much! i love your writing! 💖

elo aequarea! thank you for the compliment 🫶🏻🫶🏻! unfortunately i've put the luffy angst fic on hiatus until i decide to finish off y/n fate.

forethoughts: sickness update- i can breathe through my nose now! but i got a stupid cough and sore throat still :(. yes i'm still sick and writing with a migraine. thanks for all the wishes and lovely messages you've given me <3! going back to sleep after posting this.

notes: this is my first time writing for shanks and crocodile, so apologies if inaccurate or not good. all gn!reader, smut-ish for crocodile and robin.

Robin

When you told Robin you wanted a tramp stamp, she didn’t make any comments, and only wanted to know your reason behind it. She saw her fair share of tramp stamps back at her time in Baroque Works; she wasn’t shocked at the concept of it. She was rather intrigued at your desire to have one.

After learning why you wanted one, she grabbed her stuff, and took you to the tattoo shop to get one for you.

She knew you weren’t that good with pain, so the entire time you were getting your tattoo, you squeezed her hand, while she nonchalantly read a book. 

Robin didn’t care that her fingers were turning purple, she was reading her book.

She’d occasionally smile at you and give you some words of encouragement, squeezing your hand back before getting back to her book.

Once you were done, she’d coo you and help you recover, making sure it doesn’t get infected or smushed, giving you the best tattoo aftercare ever.

Once it was fully healed, she’d use it to tease you, brushing a finger over it, knowing you’re sensitive in that area. She’d tease the living daylight out of you in bed, making you cry out her name to stop the teasing.

Shanks

Shanks would first be confused by what a tramp stamp is, but once he digs into his memory, he remembers what it is and what it means.

He’d 100% want to choose the design or be a part of choosing the design because if he’s going to stare at it all day, he’d want it to be a beautiful sight.

As you’re getting your tattoo, he’s by your side, telling you a bunch of stories about his days on sea, trying to distract you from the needles poking into your skin. 

He ignores your cries and screams and his fingers turning purple simply by raising his voice over your screams.

Once you were done with your tattoo, Shanks immediately turned into a father figure, caring for you and treating your tattoo until it was fully healed.

Once it was fully healed, he’d always make sure to make a comment about it, especially in bed. He’d show it off to his crew and friends, boasting about how his partner got a tramp stamp for him (you did not get a tramp stamp for him).

All in all, Shanks adores the tattoo and loves it on your body, and maybe if you convince him with two bottles of alcohol in his system, he might get one too.

Luffy

100% when you tell Luffy you want to get a tramp stamp he’s gonna get it with you.

Boy doesn’t even know what it is, he just wants to match with you and get the same tramp stamp.

When it’s time to get it, he sits on the chair next to you, holding your hand to comfort you as you were both getting the tramp stamp. 

Little did you know he’d be the one squeezing the blood out of your fingers when the tattoo started.

For someone who’s fought a warlord and the World Government, he was squirming in his seat, waiting for the tattoo to end. 

Once it did end, he was thrilled and hyped, since the two of you got matching tattoos.

Oh, the poor Straw Hats who had to listen to Luffy yap about the tramp stamp and how it matches with yours.

Crocodile

Crocodile really didn’t care when you told him you wanted a tramp stamp. He was busy with his work, still trying to take down Alabasta and making sure it was a foolproof plan. 

He wasn’t also a fan of getting a tramp stamp, since he knew what it meant and he didn’t want the world to know his partner was associated with promiscuity.

He relented eventually, after you brought Miss All Sunday to join the argument, as Crocodile had no choice but to let you get the tramp stamp.

You went to the shop with Miss All Sunday, since Crocodile didn’t want to be seen with you inside a tattoo shop getting a tramp stamp, but he didn’t want you to go alone with you would be in danger, so he sent Miss All Sunday to go with you.

You got the tattoo with the woman, talking about some random things to pass the time. 

Once you were done,  you showed Crocodile, who initially had a strong reluctance in the tattoo.

But now that you got it, he was in love with the tattoo. He loves to use his hook to grab your waist, running the hook against your tattoo, loving your reaction and how it looked against your skin.

Yes he will use his hook to grab your waist while he’s pumping into you from behind and calling you a whore and living up to your tattoo.

#one piece #op #nico robin #nico robin x reader #akagami no shanks #red haired shanks #shanks x reader #monkey d. luffy #luffy x reader #sir crocodile #crocodile x reader #tramp stamps #aetherasks

[stevethehairington]

okay so. overall review:

actually not as bad as i expected it to be! and not as bad as i thought it was going to turn out while i was in the trenches there lol. i still wished it focused a little more on eddie's home life/relationship with his dad and uncle AND his friends, and had way less of the romance stuff (read: none), BUT i will admit that there ended up being a lot less of the romance stuff than i initially expected and a lot less than it seemed like there would be while still in the middle of the book.

the paige stuff still made me uncomfy bc i didn't like the power dynamics there (paige had something eddie wanted desperately, and i don't like the idea that that could have had something to do with his "feelings" for her/why he engaged with them ((esp bc let's be real — he didn't seem super torn up over not getting to be with her in the end)) or that she used that to her advantage bc there was ALSO something in it for her) BUT i will say they did make it slightly less skeezy than i expected bc she was only a couple years older than him instead of like. significantly older like i expected.

i do wish there was more about eddie's friends and their fallout and reconciliation. his friends were super important to him and he just. dropped them. like that. and there was BARELY any blowback. like yeah there was a fight with ronnie, but we never actually got to see the reactions of any of the other hellfire/corroded coffin guys, and i would've liked to see that. same with the reconciliation, it felt very minimal — i would've liked to see more of how that played out too.

I LOVED EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN SECOND OF WAYNE MUNSON CONTENT, THAT MAN IS A GIFT HE IS AN ANGEL I ADORE HIM WITH EVERYTHING IN ME. IF THERE IS ONE THING THIS BOOK HAS DONE IT HAS SOLIDIFIED MY STANCE THAT WAYNE MUNSON IS THE BEST GOD DAMN CHARACTER AND I WOULD DIE FOR HIM.

as for eddie — i think the author did an alright job finding his voice. there were times where i thought she really nailed it, but there were also A LOT of times where i thought "he would never say that!!" "he would never do that!!". it wasn't very consistent, but overall it wasn't awful and there were some good parts!

the other characters we know and love that made cameos — VERY fun to see them (gareth, chrissy, jason, hopper, will, jonathan!!!) gareth was ESPECIALLY fun to see because they really embraced that feral chihuahua boy energy we love to assign to him. BUT. i am SO incredibly upset with how badly they massacred my boy tommy h (whOSE LAST NAME THEY COULDNT EVEN GET RIGHT I MEAN W H A T!?) they fucking. got his characterization SO BAD. it was awful. i am. personally offended by it (joking, mostly rhsjsi). (as a tommy lover i am. devastated tho. HE WOULD NOT DO THAT!!!)

OH ALSO — reefer rick. WHAT a fun dude. hes out here in his robe and bunny slippers drinking darjeeling tea, living it up. what a guy.

id like to give a huge FUCK YOU to principal higgins too! they made that dude a straight up MONSTER. he was unnecessarily CRUEL and some of the things he said straight up to eddies face,,,,,,, sir what the FUCK. i know the 80s was a different time but jesus fucking cHRIST was casual cruelty and bullying from grown ass ADULTS commonplace? i sure hope not.

ALSO FUCK AL MUNSON LIVES ALL MY HOMIES HATE AL MUNSON LIVES. that man was AWFUL, TRULY HONESTLY GENUINELY THE WORST. neglectful and cruel and downright AWFUL. NOT ONLY DID HE CONSISTENTLY ABANDON EDDIE THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE BUT THEN HE DREW EDDIE INTO HIS SCHEMES, CONNED HIM, FUCKED UP REAL BIG, AND THEN LEFT EDDIE IN THE ASHES OF THEIR — OF HIS — HOME AS THE ONLY PERSON LEFT WITH THE COP WHO GOT SHOT AND IS LIKE SLOWLY BLEEDING OUT. TALK ABOUT FUCKING TRAUMA WHAT THE FUCK. i hope he got flayed ALIVE by charlie greene lmao it would serve him right that absolute twat waffle.

also, im gonna be real. the end of that book was actually INSANELY depressing. like, it tried to be positive because you gotta end on a positive note right? but it just fell. COMPLETELY flat. bc we all know what happens to eddie in canon. he's sitting there reenrolling in school, peacoking around about how he's GOING to finish high school and he's GOING to graduate and he's GOING to show principal higgins that he CAN do it and that he ISNT the fuckup deliquent he's convinced he is. BUT WE ALL KNOW HE DOESNT FUCKING GET THAT IN CANON. he's taking waynes advice and fully embracing who he is and he's learning to be comfortable in his own skin and to rise above all the noise of people who don't like him and think he's a freak. ONLY WE KNOW HE NEVER TRULY GETS TO DO THAT EITHER BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW HOW IT ENDS IN CANON. so yeah it just ends up being a REALLY fucking BLEAK ending because all of that "positivity" is absolutely tainted. it's fucking soured. and i am once again INSANELY INFURIATED about eddies death. so fuck the duffers, again.

also, eddie munson literally never caught a fucking break. not one fucking break. his ENTIRE life was just one series of tragedies after the other and it truly just continued on that way until he fucking died. honestly, its a goddamn MIRACLE that he has ANY ounce of positivity and optimism and hope left in his life when we get to him in s4. thatd how utter dogshit a hand he has been dealt in life. and it only.got worse from there. and i will NEVER forgive ANYONE involved in his creation for that.

so yeah! that concludes my journey reading flight of icarus. it was a wild ride lol.

#flight of icarus #flight of icarus spoilers #eddie munson #stranger things #mack reacts

[spacedlexi]

i just think a "friended/romanced + saved + trust aj" violet does such a good job rounding out the plot and characters of S4 and i dont say that lightly

she walls people off out of fear just like S3 clem did and learned to grow out of through the compassion of others. feeling like she could have done more to save minnie being what initially makes her step up to lead, but her accepting her love for clem (and clem choosing to save her) is what leads to her Truly accepting the school and everyone inside it as her Home and gives her something to fight for ("i tried my damnedest not to care about either of you. and i still couldnt tell you why." "i know where youre coming from. after losing so many people, sometimes its easier to keep everyone at arms length." "and then you wonder why you fight so hard to stay alive. i dont wonder anymore."). this being the reasoning behind violets detachment from the school, as well as a negative home life impacting her idea of what a home even was. but together they turn ericson from a prison into the home theyve BOTH been looking for, renaming it together, and envisioning it for the future together. the two of them understand each other deeply, from what theyve lost to how its affected them and the poor ways theyve decided to react to it. but through their support of the other, they BOTH get to evolve into more relaxed and confident versions of themselves, who know Exactly what theyre fighting for

her troubled relationship with brody and getting to learn more about what happened with the twins/violets reaction to it and how she ultimately blames herself/brodys guilt about her part in it and how she misses violet. getting the chance to mend that relationship before its too late. the 3 of them becoming closer because of it. and getting to develop clems friendship with brody leads to a more impactful moment later in the basement

her relationship with tenn reflecting clems relationship with aj, in the way they both made the decision to look after their respective boys after their primary guardians died (ajs parents, tenns sisters). both of them can understand the responsibilities they have taken upon themselves, and how hard it can be to do right. the 4 of them become a tight knit group quickly. especially in EP2 as vi supports clem while tenn supports aj through the marlon fiasco

her confused relationship with minerva introducing interesting conflict both within her relationship with clem (who has her own personal conflict with minerva, which vi still ties into through her relationship with both minnie and tenn) and the over arching plot, which has themes of learning when to let someone go because they are no longer who they once were (clem and lilly "we were family once", mitch about ms martin "you get all caught up in who people used to be, and you cant deal with whats in front of you", violet about minnie "the real minnie? shes been gone this whole time and i have to stop mourning her")

having a saved violet on the boat expanding the conversation with minerva about her motivations with the delta. violet apologizing for never looking for her, minnie saying she knows she would have but that its too late now, so sure this is just the way things have to be. getting to hear minnie say "you can be rewarded, just like i am", giving us insight into her character. and clem getting the last word before she rams the door down, her and violet fighting minnie Together. and violet saves clems life, making the Choice to shoot minerva, which in and of itself is a huge moment for violets character in regards to her relationship with both minnie And clem

and aj shooting tenn on the bridge brings things full circle, by putting violet in the same position louis was in EP2, where aj has killed the most important person to her, in an effort to save her life, and now she must reckon with those feelings the same way louis had to about marlon. not so easy now is it violet? ("so youre mad, but sad" "can i be that for a while?" "yeah, its ok")

just... ough... violets whole character just fits into Everything so well, but in a way that elevates the characters and plots around her, while also developing her into her own

#plus tenn dying with minnie feels like looking at a clem and aj Bad End and that feels intentional #and vi being there fighting minnie for tenns life....the boy she took it upon herself to look out for.. and losing him 😭 #ALSO i feel like the whole point of S4 is raising aj into someone clem trusts. like did you do a good job raising him or not?? #like through the decisions i made i Did naturally trust him in that cave. but after seeing other routes i can def see why some didnt #but even if clem doesnt trust him in that cave he still proves later in the barn that he knows when to make his own call #its more about what clem has to lose/how long it takes for her to trust aj. he knows what hes doing now. clem says as much #none of this is me saying picking louis' route is BAD. im just pointing out the ways violets works on so many levels for me #esp since the season is already so short. all of this really helps to flesh out the plot and side characters in those 4 eps #but anyway this is why i cant stand violet slander especially when people say she was underdeveloped compared to other characters #i just think youre not paying attention to her #but what else is new for female characters #twdg #it speaks

[its-koili]

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

.

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

#vent

[fandomz-brainrot]

Soft Boy (Katsuki Bakugou x Male Reader)

Originally posted June 4 2019

TW: Violence, homophobia, bullying, homophobic slurs

Reader's Pov   I was what you would call a soft boy. I was sensative, and way too empathetic for my own good. I wore makeup, loved cute aesthetics and flowers, and when I wasn't in my school uniform I sported oversized pastel sweaters and sky blue jeans.

You see, this would all be normal and fine if I hadn't been so STUPID and fall for the most arrogant, rude, and hot headed boy in the entirety of U.A: Katsuki Bakugou

Goddammit, I couldnt help myself. I mean, how could I? Just look at him! I thought he was perfect. And, I shouldn't. The bullies at school will just tease me more. They already know I'm gay, they'd probably use it as blackmail.

 My thoughts continued to drift as I stared at Bakugou from accross the room. Realizing that someone could catch me staring, I quickly averted my gaze.

Bakugou's POV   I felt a pair of eyes staring at the back of my head. I turned my head to look at them, preparing myself to go off on them before I saw (E/C) eyes quickly dart away. A small blush crept onto my cheeks, and I quickly turned back, resting my head on my hands.

Dammit. Why did he make me like that? I guess I just found him so... Cute?? And perfect??? But I'm not gay. I swear I'm not.

 Soon enough class was over and the bell rang, multiple pairs of feet shuffling out of the doors. I stole a glace at (Y/N), feeling my cheeks heat once more.

 This was so stupid...

Reader's POV

I quickly walked out of the door, making sure everyone was far in front of me. During class I had written a note to Bakugou telling him how I felt during class. I was going to give it to him later.

 I took the piece of paper out of my pocket. It was pastel pink and I wrote in purple pen. I smiled softly at it, walking down the halls. It was lunch. I never really ate, so why be in the cafeteria surrounded by hundreds of other people, when there was really no need? I felt strong hands push me into the locker, making me fall to the ground.

I looked up to see one of my most frequent bullies, his friends around them. They smiled at me. "Whatcha got there, fag?" He asked, snatching the paper from my hands.

SHIT.

  I felt my eyes prick with tears as I saw his orange eyes dart over the paper. He chuckled darkly before showing it to his friends to let them skim over the paper. They all laughed.

  "Really? Bakugou? You really think HE would like YOU? He probably isn't even gay!! Who would like you anyway?!" He yelled. He kicked me in the stomach, continuing to insult and tease me.

  I couldn't help it. I began to sob loudly. "Awww, did we hurt your wittle feelwings, gay boy?" The leader taunted. "You're so fucking we-"

"HEY!!"

  I looked over to the voice that had stood up for me, only to see Katsuki Bakugou. "GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU BASTARDS!!" The blonde screamed, his red eyes burning with pure rage.

  The bullies panicked and ran. They knew how violent he could be.   Bakugou ran over to me, quickly looking over me for any major injuries, and I had managed to wipe away my tears and stop crying. "I swear, I'm going to kill them later..." He mumbled, brushing his hand against mine. I didn't know weather it was intentional or not, but I blushed. I smiled sheepishly at him. He smiled softly back.

  He noticed my note on the ground a few feet away. He picked it up and read it over carefully.

  I covered my face with my hands, tears starting to run down my cheeks again. This seemed to happen a lot. He finished reading and looked over to me. "I-I'm sorry..." I said quietly.

  He scooted over to me and helped me sit up. Cupping my face in his hands, he wiped away the tears. "You dont have to apologize... I... I feel the same way.." He avoided my eyes and instead stared at the ground.

  "W-wait, really?" I asked.

"Obviously!! Why wouldnt I? W-well, since we know we both know we have feelings for each other... Will you be my boyfriend..?" The hot headed douchebag asked.

  I smiled and hugged him, nodding. He pet my hair, and kissed the top of my head.

---

From that day on, Katsuki kept all of the bullies from hurting me. He only told a few people, since he cared too much about his reputation and our safety to risk letting the word go out publically.

  He only told his closest friends, Kirishima, Sero, Mina, and Denki.

  Since then, I've been the happiest I've ever been. And I honestly wouldn't settle for anything else.

#fanfic #fanfic writing #wattpad #my hero academia #boku no academia #katsuki bakugou #katsuki bakugou x male reader #x male y/n #x male reader

[idealspawn]

tbh now that i think of it i kind of needed him not for himself but for myself too. so that is fucked up a bit maybe from my side too. like that i needed someone secure enough to kind of mm trust them and be truly honest and transparent and loving and giving but not because i so very much loved them and wanted to give TO THEM but to see if i can trust myself to let myself be giving. if that makes sense. to let myself try be securely attached. but not necessarily because im madly in love. but like train my vulnerability. he said he read my poem and it was nice, cheesy at times but with good parallels and metaphores. i explained one part to him more in detail too bc it was pretty open to interpretation. he said he will write it down but i dont think he will. but it also feels so cringe because he was meant to read it when he still had feelings for me. also a good um.. stepping stone for me i guess. to admit i have feelings for someone still when they dont, although im acc not too sure myself how much i was truly madly attached either. feels good to swallow my pride though. i also tend to lose feelings when ppl arent attracted to me which is good. i dont have a problem w chasing him. im attracted to ppl being attracted to me which in a way, from me, is also a bit fucked up. he also didnt become a part of my real immediate daily routine as i didnt really text w him too much. we just were together irl a lot and really present in those times. and i also made sure i didnt abandon my friends this time so i still massively have my support system w me. but it sucks a bit bc i literally talked abt him to so many of my friends but its okay like i dont owe anyone anything to last just bc i talked abt it. and shit changes. just bc i said sth true in one moment doesnt mean i has to stay true forever or that now that it isnt true anymore that it couldnt have been immensely true at one point. one thing that was pretty fucked up tho is that he told me he wanted to have sex w me just bc he was looking for certainty and answers abt his feelings from there not bc he acc felt connected to me. like i usually.. want to be intimate when i feel love not disconnect..... and now he said he didnt find it from there. but like.. we were literally both so high and it was such a bad situation. no wonder you cant feel a spark bc i was literally numb like a vegetable. he said he knows it was a bad decision but like why do you take this situation to tell you clues abt what next then. and like. the same way with all our previous hangouts when i felt sth off. like the reason it was off was bc he was off and not fully honest abt it. it felt like such a relief when he said all the words out so rawly at last and i felt i could come out of this weird anxious shell of a performance i had on w him the past few times bc of the way i felt sth was weird but i couldnt tell what it was so i couldnt fully be normal myself either. so like the last times he gave me "chances" couldnt have been proper chances to show him anything true bc it didnt feel like... normal. there was an elephant in the room that was standing right between us. but he refused to address it when i tried to. i guess i got my answer that its not that im weird that i keep getting into these awk situations but that the other person feels weird and that is the thing affecting me. im fucking normal. i cried a bit too like its not that i am not affected by it at all but i think im kind of fine. i anyway didnt see him for 2 weeks now. its just weird bc we had plans which made us be together daily for like 2 weeks straight and um. i dont know if i can do that. even if we are friends bc i dont usually do that w my friends really. its weird. but like. fuck idk.

[upsidedowngrass]

Charlotte post NOW (/j only if u want!!)

AHHH charlotte jumpscare!!!!!!!

im not sure what SPECIFICALLY to post abt her bc this ask is a little vague, BUT i do think abt her a lot!!! tho i DO gotta think about her more, she is a WONDERFUL character

bc idk what specifically, my interpretation of her post canon and WHY (also under a readmore because WOW!! i had apparently a lot to say abt her):

i think!!! she is a LOT more mellow after she gets home. like in one 16 after shes respawned its like. she seems to be friendlier? which. i think has to do w like... i dont think she was a bad person really, and i dont think shed been acting Maliciously, but when it came to having friends i think it was really easier for her to genuinely take things as worst as they could be. we dont actually get much of her backstory, so its up to interpretation as to WHY, but i think she genuinely struggled with being distrustful of those close to her. she likes them, that much is clear, but trusting people is a whole other thing

but i think she really DID view her friends as pitying her. as not respecting her, even when they werent Being cruel. they were concerned for her safety, and how her recklessness was affecting her. and i think that can end up walking a line between pity and not wanting your friends to do things that are pretty unambiguously dangerous, and what was very standard friendship ended up feeling a lot MORE like they didnt respect her or her choices

and i think what changes this is that. she DID die. and i think that contextualized for her that her friends werent concerned because they thought she couldnt handle herself, but because they just Generally care abt her yknow? as fucked up as her dying is, i think it did ultimately make her realize that THIS is what her friends were worried about. they didnt want THIS to happen to her, and i think in an odd way? it kinda made her. idk understand? trust? the people around her more. like in a 'oh, people around me dont only care about me for selfish reasons, or cruel reasons. they care because they CARE' way

and i think that, and the fact that she says that shed been thinking about this a lot? i feel like it kinda all forced her to slow down and WANT to talk to the people around her. because shed been pushing them all away because what was the point in talking to them? and i think once she REALLY noticed how amelia was doing, after thinking so much about all this, it kinda MADE her want to amend things. or at the very least, to talk to people more. shes isolated herself long enough, and its now more than ever that she realizes how much others meant to her in the first place.

(i think in some aspects, amelias method of coping also bothered her. amelias coping mechanisms werent necessarily BAD, theyre not good by real-world standards, but given the situation shes in, it was just... once of the few ways she COULD cope. but i think the flaws in this method of coping really came through once airy came back, because in forgetting everything about who she used to be, earth became a very daunting place, but now that airys back, any amount of feeling like home the plane may have unfortunately gained was completely undone. and i think charlotte actually SEES that, and its not the exact same as her own struggles, but i think she WANTS to help amelia, because she of all people knows how the feeling of being isolated, either on purpose or accident, can feel Extremely Awful. that, and she knew amelia before things on the plane got REALLY bad, and she SAW (since ive seen people note that she!!! was watching amelia do yoga w the others) amelia gradually give up, become comfortable, and then LOSE all of that

and i think, at least right before bryce showed up, it felt fucked up that charlotte WAS the only other person from the same world as amelia and theyd!!! never even spoken about it??? (like how she comments that they NEVER told each other their names. which only applies to her and amelia. that statement was intended very specifically towards amelia) and its like. i think it mightve made her a bit 'no WONDER shes not doing well. even if shes trying to act like she is' (which i dont even think amelia is doing to deflect so much as an attempt at 'if i pretend its ok it WILL be ok right?'))

and!!! once getting home i think this would all really lead her to be a bit more patient with others. i dont think the distrust would STOP being an issue, but i think such a terrible experience causing her to completely recontextualize the actions of those around her would actually help, at least a little . i dont actually know if i think shed stay friends w parker and that friend group, but i think theyd at the least keep in touch. parker clearly, even when they were arguing, STILL cared about her, and i think seeing her disappear probably was. a bit haunting, and so i think at the very least hed like to know shes Okay

also whenever people have the characters live together post canon, they only ever include bryce liam and amelia, and i GET why!!! charlotte didnt really interact w them for a looong time. but after charlotte is revived i actually see her as talking with them yknow? i dont think shed stop talking to them again, and i think her talking with amelia was a genuine attempt to help!! so i think theyd stick together. i dont imagine liam actually gets closer with any of the contestants while hes trying to send them home (tho i dont think it worsens substantially either. i think it just sorta. stays where it is? and if he did have notable interactions with any of them, itd PROBABLY be mainly w amelia and bryce, tho i dont think he DOESNT talk to charlotte too! he just has a diff sort of connection w those to, based on the experiences he Shared w them) so i think he isnt SUPER close w charlotte, but i think the others may become WAY closer w her!!! so i think if they all moved in together? that WOULD include charlotte!!! (that, and i think charlotte would also develop a sort of respect for liam . because he kinda DOES display exactly the type of traits she didnt really see people as having!!! going to EXTREME lengths to help people, including HER! so i think shed generally have many thoughts on him)

anyway !!! thats it the point is that as much as one would fuck charlotte up in her own way, i think, similar to how bryce tried to get his life together after he was first eliminated, shed similarly end up having a better ability to navigate social stuff in not such a pessimistic way as before!!!!!

#hfjone #one is a series abt the complexities of isolation man........ #how people create it and how people respond to it #i also have many thoughts on what one is abt but . theres such a theme of isolation #(also? its been a longstanding idea ive had that like #charlotte and bryce both mellow out more after one #while liam and amelia both become a bit more easily agitated #NOT that charlotte and bryce wouldnt have their own problems but like #i think BECAUSE these two were in a shittier place that made them rethink stuff #while liam and amelia were doing okay and abruptly had everything ruined #would make charlotte AND bryce actually a bit Better at Navigating things specifically #and i think charlotte and bryce are meant to somewhat reflect back amelia and liam actually #and are meant to show the different ways awful experiences affect people #DUNNO. i think i could put these four on a chart and liam and amelia would be on a diff side from bryce and charlotte #based on the general Way that one affected them #but then liam and bryce would be on a diff side from amelia and charlotte too based on their experiences in a more literal way #if that makes sense #though i think liam AND charlotte ALSO share in their stubbornness and amelia nd bryce in a desire to Let Go of things #so itd be a complex chart #ask

[astrallouis]

Question for Miles is a moron, what do you think the throat spray actually was? Do you think he actually thought it was covid protection? Do you think he knew it was nothing and just used his image to lie to his friends to get what he wanted?

GREAT fuckin question. i havent thought on it too much since id mostly seen it from the filmmaking perspective of acknowledging covid in-universe without the everything that came with early covid and no vaccines yet but now u have me thinking.

(this got so long so im gonna put it under the cut oops)

first i wanna say im really mostly talking out of my ass since that scene was the last concrete point abt covid we really have outside of mentions like why miles has the mona lisa lmaooo anyway:

like i said miles really is a moron. everything he takes credit for he either hires someone for, steals their work, or lets them interpret his bullshit (like lionel w the faxes). so i think theres a couple possibilities.

he almost definitely went to someone to develop the throat spray, and its possible he actually asked or expected it to be Real and actually protective. but it being so early in the pandemic and over a year before the irl vaccine wld come out they probably told him its not possible. and theres the point where he could have done a couple things.

he could have 1) pushed whoever to just make it work like we see so many bosses and rich assholes like to do and it IS actually protective [very unlikely but we REALLY dont know much about what happens after the movie covid wise and how far rian johnson changes reality here]

b) done the above and whoever he hired lies to him and says it works when it doesnt, and he believes it works like you mentioned [more likely, but thats putting a moral decision on a person i made up two paragraphs ago lol]

iii) they told him it wasnt possible and he just told them to make a placebo instead and knows its fake like you said, using his image as a genius to manipulate his friends [most likely in my opinion, given everything else he does]

i really do think the last one is what happened. the efficient man doesnt answer blanc's question about what the spray is. all he does is say “youre good,” put the little slap bracelet on blanc, and move on. and we dont know much of miles' actual opinions on masks and covid iirc, besides being friends with both ppl like lionel who properly masks up and asks for elbows instead of a hug from birdie, and with duke who doesnt wear one at all and is. ukno. him. so theres that

all of this to say. miles bron really is just an entitled asshole who thinks he makes change when he doesnt and doesnt care abt consequences. i personally think he actively knows the spray didnt do shit but couldnt stand the idea of going a year without getting his ego stroked by those shitheads and would do anything he “could” to make it happen. this is also the same guy who just sent the 50 people it takes to run the island “home” in the middle of the pandemic which has implications about commuting and pods i dont even want to go NEAR since this is already too long.

tldr: hes a moron AND a manipulating and gaslighting bitch. the spray was probably just saline or whatever and he knew it. shithead

#ask #I AM SO SORRY I WENT ON FOR SO LONG #category 5 autism event #also the 1/b/iii thing is on purpose i love mixing numbering systems lol #also apologies to anyone who sees this in the main tag i gotta do it for personal categorizing purposes #not really supposed to be a big proper analysis mostly just me vibing #glass onion #asks #hook-on-fandoms

[kristiliqua]

MY TAZ AU INFO STUFF :) !!!

ok So . the ipre ! is benchtrio + sbi plus schlatt bc i needed someone to be lich barry :) fuck yea

sooo tommy and wilbur !! are the twins (the brothers) - tommy is taako and wilbur is lup :] - in Their specific dynamic . or smth . as in - no one is like . Fully a character , they have different roles n characteristics (?) from different characters n stuff -- like . tommy isnt Fully like taako , he's just like taako w the twin slash brother stuff - he's kinda more like magnus . Kinda

ranboo ! was the journal keeper :) is a cleric slash wizard (psa - i do Not know Any dnd shit , not rlly . all ik is from taz lmfao -- so if anything is inaccurate to the game , i ,,, dont care) and is a full elf ! theyre shy n nerdy like lucretia n barry , ig

tubbo is a fighter ! the protector of the group (like magnussss) :D !! isss a goat hybrid . idc if its not in dnd shhhush -- beeduo r in a queer platonic relationship :] their relationship's dynamic is similar to barry n lup's - ranboo is like barry and tubbo is like lup !

tommy is a rogueee !!! and is a decent wizard as well ! he's learnin the magics :)) - he excels in transmutation magic , which he learned Purely bc of the prank possibilities . he is Surprisingly good at it (he started learning magic bc of wilbah) -- he is a quarter elf and the rest is human bbyyy (crimeboys r biological brothers)

wilbur is a wizard :) !! (and a lich cough cough) he is learning rogue skills (haha brothers learning each other's skills haha) and is pretty okay at it . doesnt put Too much time into learning it . he is half elf n half human ! he has long pointy ears , while tommy has human sized ears that r a little pointy :)))

phil was the captain of the ipre .! he becomes the director of the bob . he is Maybe tommy n wilbur's bio father - three quarters elf n one quarter human , he is . is a magic man , wizard stuff and cleric . also is good at fighter shit too ! he's the one who erases their memories , like lucretia , w the same motivations n intentions as well :) ! (he asks ran for his journal , and bc he's the captain n ranboo trusts him , ranboo gives him the journal and ,, yea)

techno is phil's assistant in the bob !! lad's a fighter B) uhh . might be part elf or a hybrid or smth , not sure . he's called the wordless one :))) so ig he's Sorta like davenport but also Definitely Not

schlatt is lich barryyy - he's friends with wilbur . is a ram hybrid , and uhhh . is the red robe that appears thruout the arcs n stuff , aka barry . lich barry . yea

now for the more minor ish characters !!!

charlie slimecicle is roswell and instead of clay its slime . i take no arguments fuck u , its perfect

i wanted june to b someone like . correlated to charlie butttt - it ended up being crumb .! ik theyve like . Never interacted , but i feel like the vibes work , so . crumb cuptoast it is

the uhhh prophet lady in refuge is karl . for pretty obvious reasons

errr the main robber guy in refuge (idk) Could be sapnap ? or at least Implied to be sapnap ? bc why not

john slash the hunger isss eret , i think ! n ranboo is the one to talk to xem :))) umm - angus is shroud , bc why not . HURLEY N SLOANE ARE PUFFY N NIKI !!! in that order . its perfect and i take no arguments on that one

karry n killion (btw if i misspell any names then thats my bad But idc . dont point it out bc i literally couldnt give less of a shit lmao) are guqqie n aimsey !!!!! in that order :)))

umm garfield the deals warlock ? i originally made him quackity but for Reasons (that youll know very soon) he is now ted nivision !!!! and leon or whatever (the gachapon guy) is scott smajor . its the vibes , man

i did Not know who to have as johann . so i chose cpk bc he has similar vvvvibes . and uhhh i made sneeg be avi bc i could :)

juaquin is eryn !!!! we love juaquin n eryn in this household

lucas is sam , and moureen (lucas' mom) is ponk !! bc we need sam to want to save someone for crystal kingdom to happen n whatnot

noelle is clementine :) ! n kravitz is quackity . i previously made it clara but ittt just didnt fit well enough for me , so . quackiteeee it was

also the raven queen is ofc , mumza :D

klarg issss ,, henry , i guess .? its kinda eh to me but whatever idk 😭😭 he could just stay as klarg honestly

i made magic brian be billzo bc its funny . magic billzo . (that Does mean he fucking dies but um . L)

btw i had the idea for tommy to have a pet fish , like magnus w steven . and the pet fish would be named clementine and live in a magic sprite bottle (iykyk) But . noelle is clementine and unle -- IN THE MIDDLE OF TYPING I GOT THE IDEA OF NOELLE BEING SHELBY NVM NOELLE IS SHELBY SHUBBLE NOW . so clementine in the sprite bottle is real now ig :]

umm - hodgepodge n upsie are both different versions of sam nook - ig sam nook is sorta just . the general base of any ai sam makes for robots - hodgepodge is sam nook: education edition and upsie is sam nook: elevator edition which is Sorta confusing bc when u shorten them its both EE but like . yea (also i realized i could make one of them fran but . i feel like neither fit so ig not)

JENKINS IS JACK MANIFOLD its perfect fuck you .!!!! benchtrio (mainly tommy ,, n tubbo) just harass him on the rockport limited lmfao

jess the beheader is beau (the beheader) !!! and i had graham the juicy wizard be replaced with scar and grian bc i wanted them somewhere in here :))) theyre the Wacky Wizard Duo (tm)

im prob forgetting some characters but errr ehhhh Whateverrrr . um - istus n pan stay the same ! same with fisher and junior :]

also id like to point out that i kept the sapphic rep as sapphic rep in this au as well . bc i think its neat B))) (didnt want to replace the rep with cishet white men shit lmaoo)

nnnnn thats it .!! uhhh - if u have suggestions feel free to give some :)) Constructive criticism , pls ! kk ty for reading B) !!!!!

also have a little additional taz crimeboys doodle for ur troubles , Smile

#posted this Much later than i intended #i was in a classroom w no service #and the school wifi blocks tumblr lmfao - sooo . #mcyt taz au #taz crimeboys #taz wilbur talvo #taz tommyinnit #mcyt au #tommyinnit #crimeboys #crime boys #crime bois #crimeboys fanart #tommyinnit fanart #sleepy bois au #sleepy bois inc #sbi au #sbi #benchtrio #bench trio #taz wilbur talvo art #taz tommyinnit art

[pansypr3p]

which mcr songs do u skip (i skip wttbp and all of bullets)

ALL OF BULLETS? you are so fucking lucky i like questions. bullets haters besides this one anon need to fucking leave i love bullets and if you dont we cant be friends im sorry. bullets forever. anon stays until they run out of questioms bc im having fun.

okay, but, i am going to get yelled at by my boyfriend and also probably everyone for this, but listen to me, i follow whatever the autism tells me to do, so it is not my fault. blame her (the autism).

NA NA NA —

this is genuinely! one of my favorite songs! okay! in my defense! i fucking love her! and this entire album! danger days lover! but, because shes so popular, it doesnt give me the right mcr vibes for when im in a "literally only listen to mcr for 5 days" state, which is all of the time. i listen to mcr and decaydance and a few other people almost exclusively. so.

PLANETARY (GO!) —

yeah its one of my favorites and yet i skip it all the time. i couldnt tell you why, because i genuinely do love her, but i know i do it bc every time i do i wait like 5 mins and realize i skipped her and yell at myself for it.

S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W —

I HAVENT BEEN SKIPPING HER LATELY, OKAY? but again, i usually have a very specific vibe im matching and scarecrow is a.. lower toned song i suppose? its not quite as faced paced or loud, and its often that im just less in the mood. but the fact that its the same beat as the snowflake song delights me so ive been listening to her more.

SUMMERTIME —

see above, honestly! its a very sweet and tender song abt love and i absolutely adore it, but its just not my usual mood.

DESTROYA —

this song feels too dangerous to play most of the time. it feels like if mcr was like 500x scarier (and subsequently 500x hotter) and that is terrifying because i can barely stand them now. if i listen to her more than one day a month i pass out and go into a brief coma. so sorry. shes too hot for me.

THE END. —

wrong vibes! nothing against her . i love her .

WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE —

MASSIVELY overplayed and yet so so underappreciated !!! ugh!!! i love wttbp, but i cant stand it by virtue of "no one knows her like i do" and "the part of this song that is the Wrong Vibe is Way Too Long"

I DONT LOVE YOU —

GREAT SONG FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG however she also suffers from... wrong vibe

CANCER —

see above

MAMA —

i LOVE mama. like. SO much. as much as EVERYONE does. but she also suffers from. Overplayed

TEENAGERS —

teenagers was the first mcr song i ever heard and also the first song i ever actually liked - shes just another overplayed one. to be clear, im not like, AGAINST the ones i call overplayed, they just rub me wrong bc of how often i hear them. theyre played because theyre GOOD tho.

DISENCHANTED —

im obsessed with disenchanted and i always will be, but for me to enjoy her i have to be focused and when i play music (always, in the background, 24/7, literally no i am not kidding i have music playing rn and im watching a show) i am not able to focus on her enough :/

BLOOD —

saying i "dislike" blood is disingenuous because i i find it hard to dislike any mcr song. if u take all the layers apart it drives me crazy i couldnt possibly dislike any of them even a fucking little. but plainly im just not usually in the mood for her LOL

HELENA —

the worst case of overplayed so far. she gets on my nerves bc of that. shes a great song! objectively! but this is the closest i could get to disliking an mcr song

TO THE END —

tbh? dont know why i skip her so much lol

IM NOT OKAY —

the intro is amazing but its not suuper interesting as a song to me ? surface level enjoyment at least, like, id have to focus like i focus on disenchanted to enjoy her properly

GHOST OF YOU —

wrong vibes

#unlike u guys i skip stufd just cuz #bullets is a no skip album for me yeah <3

[iamtheempress]

Leaving a Bad Relationship, Hometown 1200 miles away

TW Emotionally Abusive Relationship (ex Fiance)

Hi if you know me well you know part or all of my current situation that led me to post this here.

I have been in a long standing relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years, he and i were a good match despite our geography and the fact we originally met online before becoming exclusive to one another.

4 years ago i took the leap and jumped into the next phase of our relationship and drove myself who was madly in love and reeling over the idea that my homestate kept me in a rut i couldnt escape, down from Connecticut to Arkansas to meet and eventually live with him; little did i know the storm i had incoming on the horizon.

I want to preface first all of the parts here that need to be made apparent so buckle in if you want to understand why the fuck im here and leaving as soon as possible.

As normal couples, we had minor arguements here and there in our apartment and they were if anything, petty, forgettable and to any other person easy to overcome as a unit. Come 2020 we started becoming closer and closer due to covid literally keeping us together in the same apartment, and our jobs being considered essential. Since 2020 i worked from home and since had no issue in it and i can stay with my new puppy who would soon become my best friend and emotional support animal.

My job became predomidantly all work from home so it was more than convienient, i was in favor of it because he used my car to get from home to work because BOTH of his trucks were inoperable and unpredictable. I would get groceries and other stuff delivered throughout the start of covid and still do to this day and with aid and discounts from my company.

Towards the end of 2020 he did something thag blew me away and made me the happiest woman in that moment on the planet.

He proposed to me.

2021. I being the newly proposed to fiance was more than elated to flaunt my proposal, made pinterest boards, looked up and down on Etsy for dresses and other little odds and ends for a wedding as one would do when they are absolutely in love and excited and ready to get started in prepping for a big day i never thought id see. I took care of this ring like it was my life line. Everyone in my one discord server and beyond knew i loved him and in my eyes he was mister perfect... never spoke a bad word about him.. ever...

Things  took a turn at one point.. during 2021 and then gradually startef to get worse when arguements, started by him that didnt really have any sort of reason as to WHY he was mad.. and his explanations were incredibly vague and from there i couldnt fix my problems.. so i started walking on eggshells and paying attention.. to everything... he became a hair trigger in terms of things to get angry at. And got worse. Much worse. Blaming me for everything and anything possible.

Claiming the reasons for how he talks to me were a fault of my own and if i want to continue living the life i dreamed w him, i need to stop what im doing thats making him so angry with me.

Again, no clarification just "if you paid attention youd know."

If there were times where anyone could be a fly on the wall in September on to now youd tell me to "GET OUT"  it wasnt a matter of what i was doing was bad, i just didnt know what the hell it was... and i was made out to be horrible and "the worst" because "i just dont see how bad i really am".

In late November i get a call from him i dreaded.

He wanted to call off the engagement. with some minor back and forth and of course my panic attacks rising and soon regular migraines.. i started to panic and i became scared and reserved, li.. the next day he tells me during an arguement the reason he broke it off is because

"i was too pushy to get married."

You read that right. I was too pushy because i looked up venues and dresses and how much everything would cost.. and made harmleas jokes about going to the courthouse to get married..

Thats the straw that broke the camels back and the end of us as i knew it because his whole personality did a full fucking 180..

He became cold and bitter to me... he wouldnt lift a finger to help me around the apartment, wouldnt pay any bills.. would COMPLAIN if i asked for money othet then rent or the cheap cheap electric bill... he wouldnt talk to me for days on end and if so it was short.. rude.. and cruel.

Everything about him prior wasnt affectionate but this was worse and it wasnt getting better.. he wouldnt address me as hun anymore.. hed address me as "woman" or "fatty" id go to sleep crying hating myself for letting it get to this and eventually blamed myself for us becoming boyfriend and girlfriend again instead of being his fiance..

He insisted from then to not say anything to our families to avoid the fall out and save face.

I agreed.. cuz i thought wed bounce back.

We havent and wont.

Needless to say after 5 months of realization and dispondency from what i assumed was my happily ever after is my waking nightmare, where im being picked on and bullied openly in xbox parties and keeping it silent when infront of people who love and care avout me. Im suffering and i got no relief or sympathy, and treated as "a mistake" "the worst"  and a multitude of other names and hurtful comments towards me as a person, a woman, and his ex fiance...

Theres plenty of other things i can say but honestly if you need proof i have 2 years of texts he and i shared as proof..

As of writing this i broke up with him 4/15 of this year..

He has admitted to me as of 5/8/22 he uas told me the reason why he treated me the way he did, since his personality shift from absolutely abhorrent and heartless to caring and kind was so drastic. His reasoning still shakes the foundation of what i know to be on the level of reasonable. Im quoting him here

After i asked him why he was the way he was for 6 months he said he wanted to "sever any and all relationships he had with friends, family, and me in order to 'disapear because no one will care about him'" and that he "gave up on that ever happening with me because i will still care" he never took into account how badly this would affect me mentally and socially as a person.

So as i post this today i have one request from yall who made it this far.. if you can help me during this time it would be appreciated.. i am going to be driving cross country with aid of my grandfather and as you know gas is pricey.. on top of that i have to pay my share of fees for the eviction pay and with me leaving in june and the date for eviction being in July.. i need help.. i have to pack my companion dog with me and several items ive accumulated over the years.. i never would have asked if my situation wasnt dicey and money consuming.. i will absolutely post an update when i am on my way home.

Im going to be going home May 29th

I dont have time to make a GoFund Me but ill literally update my post  when im home safe.

My paypal is @SuperSEmpress

Venmo @Carlie-Cannone

Thank you so much for listening in my time of need. I love yall.

~ Empress

#itsempress #im scared to post this to any other tag because idk what to post

[tulpafcker]

yeah reading that webebed comic is making me think about like. growing up On Line and knowing there was something wrong with me, KNOWING i had a personality disorder and just not knowing Which One, but knowing it was most likely one of the two that people dont give much sympathy to

but then also being surrounded by people who do the same things i did and DIDN'T have those disorders

is such... a wild fucking experience. i joke like "haha more people should think theyre a sociopath growing up, it humbles you and makes you painfully aware of how people see the shit youre doing" but like, even if the people i knew thought that of themselves, they wouldnt care! theyd brush it off or think theyre one of the good ones (tm) with no self reflection!! and thats because I did it!!

like. as a teenager, i genuinley thought "its not that i dont FEEL remorse, its just that i havent done anything that was bad enough to feel remorse over!" and concluded that i didn't have aspd

like. i was simultaneously self aware and not self aware, except since i was more self aware than most, it was easy for me to believe that nothing escaped my field of view

and even to this day, it's like... why?? i was in a whole fucking group of remorseless assholes who were overly violent about people we didnt like! we were ALL quick to turn on each other, and we were just a small group of a huger group! we couldnt ALL have aspd?? and WE DONT!!! WE DIDNT!!!

some of them were just being teenagers, some of them have other shit wrong with them that they either got help for or... didn't.

its just. aaaaa!! and yes depending on who it was directed on, my anger issues and impulsivity were both used to help the group and ostracize me! my friends LIKED when i could turn on people on a dime and drive them out of the group if they did something percieved as Bad. some of them genuinley WERE horrifically manipulative people and it was good that they got out of there SOMEhow. but they got out because the server admin was too pussy to do her job and Administrate The Server so it was My job. but if the admin herself or her friends hurt me (for instance, by saying that i was selfish for wanting to kill myself,) then suddenly i was scary and irrational and couldnt be trusted. fun!

and this suuuucks but wrt the webbe comic i see myself a lot in gage in that his Go To Excuse (im traumatized!!!) was MY go to excuse back in the day. plus i struggle w like. just because i dont MEAN to be manipulative, doesnt mean that i cant BE manipulative, plus its not the other partys fault for feeling manipulated

gage is lowkey also kinda unempathetic to milo cuz he finds milo annoying at times and uhhh thats a hashtag struggle of hashtag mine

and like. id never date an actual fucking murderer (but then again i can just SAY anything. in another life i could see myself justifying it if i was in a worse spot) but the reaction towards gage vs milo by the commentors of the comic is telling imo

in that gage (as far as we know) has been thru shitty situations and we dunno how he grew up yet (or maybe we do idk im not done) and he has maladaptive, manipulative, and hurtful coping mechanisms just like milo does but in the comments milo is seen as a wrong but still sympathetic guy while gage.. isnt

and thags kind of how it felt, yk. growing up the way i did. like i wasnt the best person but neither were the other guys but they got sympathy because they *appeared* good and pitiable and soft, they were treated like flawed yet human individuals going thru it, and i was lowkey dehumanized even before i ever really thought i had Dehumanized Implicitly Personality Disorder

ALSO the "sorry for saying s*ciopath i didnt mean to offend people w aspd" part in the comic Gets Me because there are people who do say that BUT thats the begining and end of anything they say abt aspd and its kiiind of hurting it ngl

cuz like. i agree honestly! i think people should maybe not say sociopath as freely as they do anymore. for one its not used diagnostically anymore and for two; in the layperson, the word paints a picture of a very stereotypical moviefied version of someone with aspd. so not only is it not used medically, its used in a way that dehumanizes people with actual aspd- in fact a lot of people dont even know that its CALLED aspd!

and of course, Not Saying Sociopath Anymore isnt gonna solve ableism (i learned the term aspd from an Ableist Video after all) but like. it would be nice? maybe?? to have the basic decency to not be referred to by a word thats used to either treat me like a dogshit criminal implicitly OR sell a warped version of the thing i struggle with to hollywood audiences and or true crime affecionados

but because of people who ONLY say that stuff and nothing else, the notion isnt really taken seriously by anyone and is brushed off as Stupid Internet Stuff + a smattering of "if you REALLY had REAL aspd you wouldnt CARE wether or not someone called you a sociopath!!!"

which of course is ironically another example of ableism not being solved by Changing Terms but uhh yeah since the fauxtivist puriteen blogs r where a lot of people first heard of the concept its IMMIDIATLEY written off as stupid internet stuff and i just think its very very funny that milo webcomicboy said that just like. as a microcosm of him? say/do shit that sounds progressive but does stuff that actually is either a) irrelevant or b) hurts people more than it helps them

also just bc i relate to gage doesnt mean i like him theyre all pieces of shit. i like him as a character not as a person. everyone here sucks assssssssssssssss but im just. observing plus a lil like. not exactly recognition of self thru the other but "oh god that COULDVE been me if i didnt get very very very lucky" self awareness did not fix me and it did not save me but it saved me just a leeeeeeeeettle bit and thats enough babeyyy

if this makes no sense im SORRY ive been soo traumatixed also im LITERALLY neurodivergent and a minor???? ugh!!!

(nah fr fr it is late as all fuckkkkk idk if this is coherent. if its not just shhhhh let it fade into obscurity thanks i appreciste it)

[matoitech]

GALO AND LIO and also peril if u wanna!!!!!

galo and lio first! they both work rly well in dynamic with each other like the sum of their parts paired together is rly good but i couldnt like check off the box bcuz they CAN both stand on their own but a lot of ppl dont act like that abt galo -_- also i should state: 'everyone but me is wrong about them, except my friends, who also are right' its like, Most ppl r wrong abt them lol. they didnt get enough screen time bcuz i miss them i know theyre the main characters but i MISS THEM. I WANT TO SEE THEM ALWAYS. wasted potential bcuz trigger wrote them even tho theyre very well done some stuffs couldve been done better, it always can be! also i jokingly said id marry them both just cuz like why not. id definitely love hanging out w them irl tho i wouldnt want to get in between their marriage lol i got my own man. also uhh one almost final thing: i do relate to lio a lot too galo and i just share a lot of funny traits n quirks n brand of autism n coughs trauma lol

also i didnt check off the theyve never done anything wrong in their life box for galo just cuz i dont usually say that stuff for characters i like (i go back on thiis immediately with peril) and i like that his character is like Growing as a person but he rly didnt do anything lol, lio rly didnt do anything either, i couldve checked off both boxes i just kind of forgot. theyre both great. PERIL TIME

peril did nothing wrong. she did but she didnt know so it was ok. also she only rly got done dirty by fans bcuz wof is for kids n a lot of ppl didnt rly grasp that she was abused and Thats Why She Acts Like That. also she should be the main character of every book forever bcuz shes the best. and i do relate to her in a lot of ways but i dont think id say shes Literally Me yknow. i would say her and galo r totally on the same spectrum of character though. also i wouldnt necessarily say she has wasted potential i just think 1) her writing could be better in general, its wof the writing isnt great 2) she didnt get enough screen time so theres wasted potential within that. also shes autistic AND trans and the author was only recently made aware of these things <3

#THANK YOU SO MUCH. #gaysoups #fess replies

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

New York

I woke up today and I was ok

Its sunday and I didnt want to get out of bed so i turned on the tv to put myself back to sleep

but then saw a movie, A rainy day in NY and thought of you and your NY

so i thought i'd watch it to see the scenes of NY that you see and maybe i will feel closer to you

forgetting that it also rained here today

somehow the movie is about a NY guy and a AZ girl, and I am an AZ girl and you and NY guy. why do things work this way.

that the morning i am thinking of you, to put on a movie about your city and the characters are from our regions, makes me want to believe its a sign for us but i know it's not.

no movie or coincidence can change how you see me.

2 weeks ago from tomorrow we started talking

i fell in love with you in about 3 days, yes I know it's a toxic attachment but I dont care, you are just so sweet

you stole my heart like D did and you broke it like D did but I dont want to forget you

you talked to me during a time that my world was so grey after richard.

it was such good company i did not know i missed.

and i guess i accepted it even if it hurts because it takes away the fact that richard is not the last person i had serious feelings for.

and lets me know i can still have these feelings and fall for someone so hard still even after I told myself i had sworn off relationships

you revived something in me i thought i no longer had

you flirted with me and got me to like you and when i started liking you then you told me you were already involved w someone else

at first it hurt and it was disppointing and i felt like i screwed it up for myself again by showing interest too easily and too quickly, and i might be right. maybe i ended the chase for you and i know some people need that for the passion

and i'm sorry but when you messaged me i had to fast reply bc i didnt want you to think i was not interested and i also did not want u to have to wait.

but maybe that is my downfall, caring too much as usual.

even after many heartbreaks i still have not learned my lesson and was so quick to give in to you but you made it feel so good and at my age i am shocked you could still make me feel this way. so in a sense you made me feel young again

but it doesnt matter bc you do not like me like you made me think you like me

but i still like you, we have history, I want to always be your friend and hopefully be some part of your life, even if small

when you told me about her i thought you would leave but you didnt, but then i tried to leave and you told me you didnt want me to disappear bc you didnt disappear on me and you're right

in a way you fought for me and idk why, i want to think theres a part of you that wants me, but if you do, you probably dont want me the same way i want you.

i write this bc i am ok now

before i was not

in the first week i was emotional and confused

over the first weekend i was disappointed by the low amount of contact

by the 2nd week i became accepting

now in the 2nd weekend i am almost back to the state i was before you took me.

except now i am calm and at peace and accepting but with fragments of you

i still crave you but i know very well what this is, it's out of my control and in your hands and i can only set boundaries and set limits and distance myself when i need balancing.

i dont think we will ever be anything

but in my coming down stages i asked myself if i really want to experience you and you experience me

all of my relationships have ended badly and with very bad words and criticisms exchanged, do i really want to learn to hate you like i hate them

we played trials together 8 years ago and were part of the same clan. if we ruin our friendship then it's like all those memories go to waste or disappear

you grew up to be such a smart and aware young man that even i couldnt even resist

my idea of you for many years was the young boy that was chasing the wrong girl that he talked to me about back then and years later was still hung up over her

when i thought of obssessive people for the wrong people, you were one of them that was used as an example

but when we reconnected and the stories you shared it was like we had seen the same struggles, heartbreak, realization and healing and i made myself believe that you were right for me, that you were who i have been looking for and who would finally come to sweep me and make me whole.

as much as you leave me wanting you, craving you and being curious about you, i know my wanting for you is about me and my need to attach. you just turned on that switch for me and it was exhilarating i have no regrets

like the song in the story of kunning palace,

"my heart is broken but i do not regret loving you"

and also

"traveled so far but i still can't forget you"

I just want to run to NY and stand in times square and hope to find your face among millions and dream that when you see me that something will awaken in you that will make you say "shes the one i want" but i know this is my dream

but i no longer expect anything from you, to expect from you would only be torture for me when they go unsatisfied like seeing you online but you dont invite me to play and i'm just waiting

but also richard waits for me to join him and i dont and he sees me online

so we all hurt and yearn for someone's attention in some way and this dating world is cruel.

but since you care about our friend ship it has made me feel better

i am happy you did not ghost me and have been honest with me

i can sleep again, i can be happy again in my world and it is no longer being pushed under the weight of passion, love, confusion, anticipation, longing and hoping.

i thank you for making the decision for us to not ruin our relationship

so today as i write this, i am ok.

#i still wish you were the one