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jakesimfromstatefarm · 3 years

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not jealous | jake sim

summary: jake sim is not a jealous person. at least that's what he tells himself. so why does he find himself going through your phone when a certain "bluejay park" decides to text you?

pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. mentions of jay park]

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: angst, cursing (very minimal), one slightly suggestive sentence, jake being cute, some more angst lol, slightly cheesy bc jake’s just too cute ugh

wc: 3.8k

a/n: ok i loved writing this, which is why i went on to almost 4k words LOL oops. but anyways, i love jake a little too much and this type of scenario has been running around in my head for a while now so i decided to put it into words. also i may have created this blog just so i could post this somewhere LMAO anyways yeah this was my first fic so hope you guys enjoyyyy <3

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

At least that's what he tells himself. To be fair, in his past relationships, he never showed any jealously. Then again, he doesn't know if he can call those relationships, "relationships". Does a fifth grade relationship with a girl who he was once dared to kiss during a game of Truth or Dare in the basement of a classmate's house during their 11th birthday party count? He doesn't remember being jealous when the same girl was later dared to kiss his classmate, Sunghoon. (Funny enough, that's how the two boys came to be best friends 'til this day, but that's a story for another time.)

But really, Jake doesn't think jealously is one of his traits, even if he's now almost 20 years old without any experience with love other than his current relationship with you and that short-lived romance in the fifth grade. (What was her name again? Jake would have to ask Sunghoon later.)

So he doesn't know what clicked in that brain of his that lead him to this current situation he was in. He doesn't know why he felt a little spark of anger in him when your phone, which you left right next to him on the couch while you went to take a shower, kept buzzing with texts from "bluejay park". He doesn't know why he couldn't kept his eyes distracted from the messages, although your phone was constantly lighting up because whatever it was Jay had to say to you, he would not shut up about it. He doesn't know why he questioned what your relationship with Jay was for a split second.

In fact, you're close with all of Jake's friends. That's one of his favorite things about you, you get along so well with all his friends you might as well replace Jake himself in the friend group. So he doesn't know what tells him to take a little glance at your phone—at the messages.

But he finds himself doing it anyways.

Hearing that the water in the shower was still running (you were always the type to take long showers), he quickly grabs your phone and scrolls through the lock screen just to find that he couldn't even read the messages since you had your notifications set so no one could read them unless the phone was unlocked (darn you and your settings!) Thankfully, Jake knew your passcode––and you knew his too––or he thought he did. Until the iPhone vibrated, telling him the passcode was wrong.

He must've entered it too fast or something. So he tries again.

And again.

Until the iPhone switches its screen to say: "iPhone is disabled. Try again in 5 minutes."

There's no way. You never change your password. And even if you did, you would tell him—you two even had each other's fingerprints saved into each other's phones in the past (you know, before the world decided that Apple's home button was too lame and decided to just completely get rid of it). If there was an option to save multiple faces for Face ID, you two would be that couple that saved each others faces in your own phones.

That being said, Jake sat there, your phone in hand, frozen. Why was your phone locked? Why was Jay texting you 10 texts per second? Why did he feel guilty about this entire situation?

He hears the shower switch off and in that moment, he swears he feels his heart beat just a little faster. He tells himself there's no way you'll be out before the 5 minutes are up. You followed a really meticulous skincare routine (one that Jake memorized by now) that took an extra 15 minutes of your time after each shower.

"Hey Jake?" Your voice calls out from the tiny bathroom door crack that you left open before you hopped in the shower, "Is my phone out there? Do you mind bringing it to me?"

Fuck.

Jake shifts on the couch. Taps his foot on the ground. Returns your phone to its original spot. Clears his throat.

"Don't you want to get dressed first?" he calls back, quite timidly.

He can hear you stop moving around in the bathroom. Probably telling yourself what an odd response that was. To be fair, it was an odd question, considering the fact that you two have been together for so long, it’s not like he hasn’t seen you undressed before...intentionally or not.

Next thing he knows, the steam is rolling out of the bathroom door and you're stepping out in your towel, eyebrows raised.

"If you didn't want to get up from the couch, you could've just said so, you lazy butt," you smirk at him as you walk towards him and the couch, leaving a faint trail of water drops behind you. Jake's eyes follow your figure as you go to grab your phone and lift the screen towards yourself.

That's when he freezes. You do too.

You cock your head, as if asking yourself why it was disabled. He can hear the gears in your head turning.

"Jake, did you try to unlock my phone?"

He runs through all the possible excuses he could blurt out. Come on Jake, think of something! But he knows he can't lie to you.

Too many beats of silence pass by.

"Maybe," he finally says—or more like murmurs. He looks up to you like a child looking up at their mom, who just them caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. To his surprise, you don't show any hint of anger. A flash of confusion—and is that worry he sees?—crosses your face for a split second before you shrug and turn towards your room to change, dropping the subject. It was natural for you two to use each other's phones anyways. So then why did you have that look of worry?

Jake knows you well, a little too well. But that's what you love about him. He can easily read all your emotions. One of the many things he picked up from dating you for almost two years now. But why would you care if he tried to get into your phone? Why would that worry you? All the possibilities run through head and his own worry begins to increase. He trusts you. He does.

So then why does the thought bother him throughout the entire day? Why does he bring it up during dinner later that night, when you're both cuddled on your sofa, slurping take-out ramen while rewatching your favorite k-drama under the thick blanket that you always keep in your living room for nights like these?

"Huh? Of course I've heard from Jay today, we had that conversation about that stupid meme you boys kept laughing about in the groupchat we're all in, didn't we?" You answer him when he asks if you've heard from Jay lately. You sit up from your warm spot under Jake's arm to put your empty bowl on the coffee table in front of you. When you lean back, you look up at him,

"Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's nothing, just wondering," he says, avoiding your eyes by keeping his own trained on the series currently playing on your TV. This would be your third time rewatching this series together. He would never complain to you though, he knows how much you love it and if he were being honest, he was secretly attached to the characters—not that he would ever tell you, he would never hear the end of it from you and the boys.

"You're being weird. Just tell me, or did you forget that I can practically read your mind," you say with a giggle and shove to his side, the one you were currently warmly cuddled into. Jake wasn't the only one who learned how to read emotions; you could read him just as well as he could read you. And like you, that's one of the many things he loved about you. But maybe not in this case.

He toyed around with the contents inside his ramen bowl with his chopsticks.

"I just..." God, how does he word this? Why was he having trouble explaining it? You were the easiest person to talk to. To him, you were the only person he could tell everything to.

"Jaywastextingyouabunchearlier," he blurts out quickly, but not quickly enough for you to miss it.

He feels you shift under his arm. He feels the air in the room shift. Tension.

"What?" Now you're sitting upright, legs criss-crossed in front of you on the couch but turned, so your body is completely facing him. He mirrors you, sitting up to put his ramen bowl next to yours on the surface, but he stays facing the TV.

"Your phone kept going off because of him when you were showering," he says with a little more confidence. But inside, he was nervous as hell, the same nervous as when he asked you out for the first time many moons ago. But it's too late to back out now, he brought it up first, anyways. Guess we're having this conversation now, good going Jake!

"Is that why you tried unlocking my phone earlier? I mean I thought you were just trying to leave selfies on my phone like you always do but you were trying to read my texts?" You question, slightly raising your soft voice. He doesn't know how to react, he hates confrontation.

"It wasn't like that, Jay just kept spamming you and like I—why was he even texting you in the first place? Then your phone got disabled because you changed your password, which you never do by the way, so I–"

"I changed it because my little sister kept getting into my phone when I went to visit my family yesterday! Did you really think I was hiding something from you? You know I can text whoever I want, right? You don't own me."

Okay so now he's managed to make you angry. Good going Jake, part 2!

"Okay but what does Jay need from you so bad that he has to send you like 50 messages at once?" He's standing now. So are you, eyebrows furrowed together as you collect your bowls from the table.

Standing there, bowls in hand, you say, "Jake, that's none of your business! It wasn't even that big of a deal, I don't know why you felt the need to nosy around."

"Well, if he's texting you non-stop, then obviously it's a big deal! We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you would just tell me what you guys were talking about," he murmurs back, eyes narrowing. You scoff as you trail into your kitchen. He follows behind and stops at the other side at your kitchen island as you place the dirty dishes into the sink.

"No, we're having this conversation because you obviously don't trust me! It doesn't matter what we were talking about, it doesn't matter who I was texting! I could be texting your mother and I shouldn't have to tell you what we were talking about! That's why we're having this conversation," you say as you turn back to face him from the other end.

He hates this. He hates fighting with you (which is a very, very rare occasion). He hates that you think he doesn't trust you. He hates his insecurity eating at him, telling him to keep questioning you on why you and Jay were talking in the first place. He was aware that you were close with his friends, but it wasn't until the texts he realized just how close you are with them. It's not that he didn't trust you, he just didn't know how to act when it came to you and other guys. God knows how he got lucky enough to meet you, let alone date you, so the thought of him losing you to someone else actually terrified him. Not only were you his first real relationship, but he wanted you to be his first and only one in life. You were it for him.

"Why did he text you." He deadpans from his side of the kitchen.

You scoff with a hint of exasperation. "You're kidding me."

You stare at him. He stares back, quirking an eyebrow, as if restating the same question back, as if testing you.

You're fuming now. Why was he making it so hard? Why was he doubting you? Out of frustration, you start laughing, which scares him. That can't be good.

"Fine. You wanna know so bad? Take a look," you're one tone level away from screaming as you take your phone out of your pocket, unlock it, and open up your conversation with "bluejay park", sliding the phone across the island to reach him.

Jake stares at the phone which now lies there, unlocked, facing him. Isn't this what he wanted? It is, right? That's why he started this dreaded argument with you in the first place.

Then why does he feel so fucking awful?

He looks back up at you, to see you sighing and looking up at the ceiling, as if trying to force your forming tears back into your eyes.

Yup, he feels horrible.

"Happy? Happy to know we were just trying to plan a surprise birthday party for you but you and your jealously just had to know huh, Jake?" You quickly state, voice cracking, as you tried not to choke up. You weren't sad that he found out about the surprise. You were sad that it felt like he didn't trust you. That he thought you were the type of person to do god knows what behind his back. You hated the feeling of not being trusted. Especially by Jake, of all people.

"Fuck."

Jake's face (and heart) falls with the most broken expression you've ever seen. But you're too sad, angry, tired (a mix of all?) to care. Your only goal right now is to not let him see you cry.

You hurry past him, across your apartment, and into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you, leaving behind a shocked, and regretful, Jake.

His heart shrinks when he hears the door slam shut and a little more when he looks down at the still unlocked phone in front of him. He didn't have the heart in him to look at it anymore. Of course he trusted you, he knew what you said was the truth.

He mentally screams at himself for assuming the worst––for thinking that you, a literal angel, would betray him. First, he thought he was losing you to someone else. Now, he was afraid he just lost you through his own actions.

He hesitantly sulks over to your door, softly knocking when he reaches it.

"Y/N?"

No response.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I let my—”

"Jake just please leave me alone for now," he hears you painfully say from a distance, meaning you're on your bed. He knows the door's unlocked—the lock on your door hasn't been working for a long time now, despite the many times he tells you to talk to your landlord about it. But he doesn't find it in him to open it. He knows he messed up. If he saw you in there right now, crying, he wouldn't know what to do. He wouldn't know what he would to do himself, knowing he was the reason behind your tears.

He nods in silence, knowing you can't see him, but does so anyways and returns to his spot on the couch. He could leave right now, go back to the dorm with the rest of the guys, let you have your space like you wanted. But his heart hurts at the idea of leaving you sad, angry, or a combination of both. He can't leave this unresolved. He fucked up, he has to fix it.

And so he sits on your couch for another hour. The clock on the wall behind him continues to tick as the silent tension in your apartment continues to grow. When it hits 11pm and he's sure you've slumbered off into sleep, he quietly enters your room.

He can see your figure in the dark, your back facing the door as you're curled up into yourself under the comforter. He feels his heart drop a little more when he imagines you crying in that position from earlier. He slowly peels the comforter open and gets into his side of the bed, careful not to bother your sleeping figure.

Laying there, staring up at the ceiling, he's never felt more like a stranger in your bed. It's not that he hasn't slept over before, god knows he's probably slept over at your place more than he has in his own bed. But right now, in this moment, he just felt awful. Like he didn't deserve to be in such close proximity to you. How could he be deserving? He violated your privacy, made you feel like you weren't trusted, doubted your relationship.

These thoughts run through Jake's head as he stares up at your ceiling fan, wishing he could turn back time to a few hours ago, before he checked your phone, before he let his insecurities get to the best of him.

You can feel the dip he makes in the bed behind you when he gets in. Of course you're not asleep. There's no way sleep could reach you when you had the recent events constantly replaying in your head like a broken record.

You knew Jake with all your heart. You didn't have to look at him to know he was probably laying there, hurt, staring up at the ceiling, drafting what to say once you wake up—or once he knows you're actually still awake.

You decide to break the tension by turning to lay on your other side, facing him.

You were wrong. Thanks to the little sliver of moonlight shining through your sheer curtains, you can see him, now laying on his side, already looking at you with so much regret in his eyes. You can almost hear the cracks in your heart physically forming.

His eyes widen when he realizes you're still awake. He opens his mouth to say something, but not before you quickly shift over to his side of the bed and embrace him in a tight hold, burying your face into his chest. Without any hesitation, he returns the gesture, arms holding your body as close to him as possible. As if once he let go, he'd lose you forever.

He lets out a sigh of relief as he breathes you in. He didn't even know he was holding his breath all this time.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry Y/N," he mutters into your hair. He feels his hoodie getting wet from where you buried your face. He pulls you closer, if that's even possible, feeling his own eyes heating up with sadness. He would never forgive himself for making you feel this way.

"You know I trust you right? Please know that. I shouldn't have assumed the worst when I saw your phone. I...I let my insecurities get to the best of me."

You move your head from its home on his chest to look up at him, as if asking him to elaborate. This was new to you, you didn't know he held insecurities in your relationship. But it wasn't because of you, no, you were his entire world. Losing you meant losing everything.

Jake's never been the best at saying his feelings. That's why it took him so long (with the help of his six best friends) to finally confess how he felt about you. He was afraid of letting people in if they could easily walk out. Maybe that's why he never let anyone into his life before you. But oh, were you an exception. The second he met you, he knew he was fucked. But thank god he did, because thanks to you, he's been able to be more open, more vulnerable. He's able to talk to you about anything and everything. He doesn't have that same fear of losing people anymore, not when he has you in his life to reassure him every step of the way. But right now, in this moment, he doesn't know how to tell you that his new fear was, in fact, just losing you.

The sheer idea of you not being a part of his life anymore terrified him.

"I hope you know you're never going to lose me Jake, if that's what you're insecure about," you softly mutter as you wrap your free arm that's not stuck in between both your bodies around him to gently play with the ends of his hair. It's as if you could read his mind, he loves that you know him so well.

"It just sucks that you could even think I would ever do something as awful as what you were assuming...with one of your closest friends nonetheless," you continue.

"I know. I know, and I feel terrible. I'm so sorry. I know you would never do anything remotely close to that, and I know you would never intentionally try to keep anything from me," he sighs. He shifts so he can lie down on his back, bringing you with him to lie on his chest, never letting you go once. "It's just...I just don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you Y/N. Everyday, I ask myself what heroic thing I must've done in my past life to deserve this life with you and I can't help but think you could just as easily be stripped away from me."

As much as your heart breaks listening to him rant, you feel your love for him grow even more. You knew how hard it was for him to put his true emotions into words, and him telling you this reminded you how much trust he had in you.

After some moments of silence, moments of him drawing random shapes onto your back, moments of you two just holding each other like it was the end of the world, you speak up.

"I love you. I'm sorry for making you doubt yourself—"

"No, it's not your fault, I can't help but think things like that. I just don't know what I did to deserve you, and I know that I need to be mo–"

"Babe let me finish," you say with a little giggle in your tone. He immediately stops and mutters a little "sorry". How cute, you tell yourself.

"I was gonna say," you look back up at him so you're making direct eye contact now. "You're the only one that's ever on my mind, Jake. I can't help the way you think, but I can assure you that there is no one else I would rather be with. And I mean that for the rest of life."

You snuggle back into the comfortable hoodie he's currently wearing (you make a mental note to yourself to steal it from him later) and decide to ease the tension,

"So you're stuck with me for life, sorry to inform you Mr. Sim."

Jake lets out a laugh, looking down at you to see you returning his smile with a cheeky one.

"I love you. So much," he says so sincerely, so genuinely, that you almost tear up again from how content you were. Now you were asking yourself, what did you do to deserve him?

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

No, he just loves you.

A lot.

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safetyrat · 2 years

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Rovin Ranbutler, what are your headcanons for, well, Ranbutler?

hello!! that is me!!! hoo boy i sure have thoughts about the character i named myself after sometimes!!!!

im definitely in the 'ranbutlers name is moon' camp, though i dont think its their birthname, thats probably paul paul or something stupid like that, i like to think they were named moon by hubert :]

this kid is nonbinary 100%, fight me about it

i think ranbutler was pretty young when they were kidnapped, but old enough to vaguely remember they have a brother? (do we know which one is older? id like to think john john is older if not)

this is why they got really attached to hubert :]] hubert is who taught them everything they know and stands up for them, being older he has some agency in front of billiam

i think when hubert ran away, he didnt mean to leave ranbutler behind? it was during one of the times the egg was hungry which meant its reach was weaker, and hubert snapped out of its mind control while ranbutler didnt. he knew this was the only time he could get away and he always could go back for moon in the future. he never got the opportunity to. (2/2 on brothers ranbutler lost lets goo)

i do think that ranbutler snaps out of the mind control sometimes,, and they always feel incredibly terrible over whatever they have done. but, knowing the egg will go for them if they dont feed it, they dont really have a choice - this is all they have known their whole life, anyways

(the only person who never snaps out of it is billiam, hes too far gone)

whenever ranbutler is under possesion of the egg, they change drastically, becoming really, really terrifying

i do enjoy the thought that their "milk buckets" are actually full of blood after it has been fed on by the egg (i suppose the only reason the egg demands blood is for its red quality. has anybody. has anybody tried feeding it red paint. i think that might work honestly)

they are like, really desensitized towards death after a while

ranbutlers relationship with billiam is,, complicated. billiam isnt nice, but he isnt always horrible either? they feel a sense of loyalty towards him, more and more the more time passes. after all, he gave them a home and intoduced them to the egg! they gave them a purpose, their only purpose! he is the only person ranbutler ever had, really!

...brothers? what brothers? you must be mistaken, ranbutler is an only child, why would they have any brothers? :) and who is moon? :) no, that cant be their name, they dont have a name! they are only a lowly butler, after all.

MAN is this kid tragic or what

#if any of this doesnt line up with tftsmp canon yes it does #thank u for the ask!!#mairen-marionette #long post #unreality #? for the last bit

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sodrippy · 3 years

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thank you @ecthelions for knowing me so well to tag me in this fdhcnhdcxn

your name and then what you would have named yourself: well i have a name and i chose val instead so fhdsjcxn

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): scorp/sag/cap babey idk what that means except im sexy bc im a scorp

when did you join tumblr and why?: oh man uh when was year 9...2010? my mate who i probably had a crush on got one i think

top 5 fandoms: no<3

top 5 favorite films: i cant pick favourites bc i have adhd but some filmes i love are like. train to busan bc its the last movie i watched, into the spiderverse, the godfather pt i (shut UP i already know), spy kids 2 (unironic) and. the green knight when it comes out.

go to song when you wanna Feel something: what am i tryna Feel though. stream lay’s discography.

what’s your religion or faith if you have one?: bro i am jus. just sitting here.

a song that makes you feel seen: i never know what this question means but seriously stream lay’s discog

if you could have any career: i was supposed to have this anyway but genuinely i love film i wanna work on sets bc its just the right kind of brainrot for me<3 or sailor

do you have a type?: probably aye

what does your heart/soul yearn for: my wife, the ocean. also new tattoos

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: sexy, stupid, funny as fuck<3

favorite subjects in school: history and (cringe) legal studies

where does your soul feel most at home: in the sun or on the highway

top 5 fictional characters: jiang cheng, entire concept of the nie sect, i literally cant make my brain switch settings out of mdzs but i want to diversify so the other 3 are from the VOU (my and ellians ocs), lem, kai- WAIT SOKKA and sokka, king

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: sorry im edgy i dont cry but there were some moments in the untamed for sure. i cant remember which ones anymore but there were some. also in train to busan (not a show, i know) when the baseball teen died and the beefy guy sacrificed himself

the earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: sun babey

favorite kind of weather: BLUE skies, big sunny, 27C, gentle breeze

top 3 characters you kin with: jiang cheng...zuko when i was 10. i dont know. who else exists anymore.

favorite medium of art: oil paintings and every piece of digital art of my fave characters

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: idk i love my friends and being alone

a favorite literary quote: like from a book...bro i havent read anything in a year. this definitely doesnt count but i read it in spqr even though thats not where its from but whatever, the tacitus quote thats like ‘they make desolation and call it peace’

some of your favorite books: yall read the messenger by markus zusak? i thought it was good. i really do not read books fjdnxm

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: new york but in a stupid bougie high rise apartment, i dont care what you think about that its sexy. or just a fuckoff nice house right on the beach somewhere in the mediterreanean

if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: ok first off id need to be a cis dude AND be mindwiped about the existence of sanitation but after that any pre british imperialism time for the culture. wait no i want to live like those sicilians in the godfather, just sitting on a chair outside a building in the sun all day until al pacino is like ‘hey man whats up’ and i die or something. fun

if you could play any instrument masterfully it would be: drums babey!! oh to be coordinated 😔

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you feel a connection to: yeah nah

and lastly, favorite recent selfie in your camera roll:

these arent super recent but i miss my burple hair 🥺💜

im gonna tag uhhh @weiwuxianisms @lesbianjiangcheng @wuxianphobic @adamsveins and anyone else who wants to do thisss

#tumblr will not let me review this on my laptop so i hope all of this is coherent god bless<3

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wearevillaneve · 4 years

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Killing Eve S3, E5: “Are You From Pinner?“ should really be called “Killing Oksana.”

With “Are You From Pinner?” in the books, we are past the halfway mark of the Suzanne Heathcote era of Killing Eve and in some circles of the fandom, the hope is this wet firecracker of a season will blow up in the final three episodes.

Based upon what’ has come before, this may be a tad optimistic. As erratic and disjointed as the preceding four episodes, E5 introduced something entirely new and different to Killing Eve. A standalone showcase for Jodie Comer’s Villanelle without Eve or Dasha or Konstantin or any of the other regular cast to block the spotlight. Can you see the fatal error in all this?

Typically when something is dubbed a “shitshow” it’s meant metaphorically, but as one of the set pieces was Villanelle literally throwing shit, it becomes an accurate description.

Before we got to this point, the six-month time jump from the end of last season looked like a combination of a tactical error and a missed opportunity. Instead of Villanelle returning to Russia to drop in on the home folks, there were a many more unanswered questions from “You’re Mine” in dire need of an explanation.

1. Who rescued Eve found and transported her to the hospital? The “lucky some tourists found you” one-liner by the late Kenny Stowton seems pretty flimsy. Didn’t the Rome police have any questions about this Asian woman with amazing hair ended up in Hadrian’s Villa lying facedown in a pool of blood? Was it a robbery? Okay, so then did Eve have any money, passport or ID to get back to England once she healed sufficiently? Did she receive any rehabilitative aftercare? Is she on any pain-killing medicines? What was her mental state after being shot by V? What was her emotional and psychological state after slaughtering Raymond to save V?

2. How did Niko get out of the storage locker? Eve didn’t know where he was and neither did MI6. Even if he was found by someone else, how did he explain away the small matter of Gemma’s rotting corpse? Niko griped to Eve that MI6 intervened to make it look like Gemma committed suicide to cover up the fact that not only can’t a spy agency catch an international assassin who kills British citizens at will, they later hired her to work on an off-the-book mission where a technocratic billionaire got his throat slit.

Why would MI6 go through all that fuss and bother to cover up a murder of a civilian when it could easily be laid at Niko’s feet? His only defense is Gemma was killed by a beautiful blonde psychopath with a crush on his estranged wife. Carolyn told Eve she was on her own after Rome. What changed, because something must have for MI6 to ride to Niko’s rescue. 3. Isn’t The Twelve presented as this immense, almighty, sprawling international diabolical entity of murder, violence, and sowing chaos and espionage against nations with their dirty little fingers apparently manipulating every intelligence agency on the planet? It also deploys assassins and goons too fucking stupid to look under a bed to find an unarmed MI6 agent hiding there quaking in fear OR recognize said agent when a thug asks her out for a sushi dinner. Well, okay then. Killing Eve logic explains it all. Returning back to this sluggish solo flight, Villanelle’s family in Mother Russia are a bunch of dopey dunces with anger management issues, poor self-control, and flat-earthers who break out in spontaneous dance routines while the prodigal trouble child, Oksana, looking like the Whitest White Girl Ever who tried to shake her moneymaker, but couldn’t because both of her feet were super-glued to the floor, stands by bewildered probably thinking, “Who the hell are you people?”

A few weeks ago rumors from not-very reliable sources were floating around that executive producer Sally Woodward Gentle had mused it might be conceivable Killing Eve could conceivably go on without one of the two leads. Perhaps Woodward Gentle is hedging her bets should Comer or Oh not return after the fourth season. “Are You From Pinner” is proof that’s not true. The show is called Killing Eve, not Killing Villanelle. Though she has become the sun to Eve’s moon, there’s a reason for Eve Polastri to inhabit a central place in Villanelle’s life. She is the other half which makes Villanelle whole. Whether together or apart, what keeps the audience coming back is the strange relationship between Eve and Villanelle. Without Eve to humanize Villanelle, she become just another attractive, charismatic killer with a sad back story. Yet Villanelle is not a Marvel super villain and many fans were perfectly fine with not knowing what it was in her past that made her who she is now.

Heathcote subverted expectations of another meeting between the central characters in episode 5 as her showrunner predecessors Emerald Fennell and Phoebe Waller-Bridge had done previously, but she went further by removing Eve completely. Eve was not referenced a single time by Villanelle and weirdly, Sandra Oh and all the other cast members names were removed from the credits. Heathcote’s erred by that omission as it reinforced the notion some KE fans have held that she and Fennell tilted the balance in favor of Comer’s character as Oh’s is diminished. That may not have been the newest showrunner’s intention, but it certainly feeds the impression that it was. The conclusion of Villanelle killing her mother and burning down the house was a wrenching, powerful moment, but taken in totality of the entire show, not nearly enough to compensate for the lackluster and pointless set-up scenes.

What we learned from Oksana's origin story is you really can't go home again. Fine, but why did that require an Eve-less episode to know that. This all could have unfolded in the six-month jump after Rome as a sub-plot playing out over the first four episodes. It didn’t justify a standalone showcase for Villanelle.

All it did was blunt the equally affecting impact of Eve witnessing Niko’s death. A better and much fairer approach would have been devote the first half to Eve grieving for her murdered husband and the second to Villanelle less-than-warm welcome home. Minus Eve, and without Konstantin and no Dasha to exercise some guidance over the nuclear missile that is Villanelle, what you get is an unleashed assassin alternatively being childish, being a smart-ass, being mysterious, being fashionable, before inevitably turning murderous.

Most of the time it works and we forgive Villanelle her many trespasses This time it face-planted despite a sensational closing sequence between Oksana and her mother. Unfortunately, ten riveting minutes do not make up for the uninteresting 32 minutes which preceded it.

Villanelle has become unstoppable in her homicidal tendencies. She has morphed into a female Terminator who occasionally imitates human traits. Nothing can stop her or barely slow her down. She commits mayhem and slaughter like most of us breathe and suffers zero consequence for it. The fact she took out her own mother should neither shock nor surprise.

“Are You From Pinner?” demonstrates Villanelle’s complex charms shine most brightly in her interactions with Eve, Konstantin and Dasha. Remove them from the equation and even Comer’s wealth of talents are not enough to rise above flat, lifeless characters, muddled motivations and a plot which wavers between the comedic for too long and the tragic too late to register. A friend said she didn’t much like “Are You From Pinner” but hoped it would be better after a second or third viewing. I told sometimes a first impression is a right impression and that it was doubtful a third watch would help much. How much subtlety and nuance is there to be found from a turd tossing contest? I can say with all confidence, I can't see myself watching this episode again. Like ever. If you got something out of this misfire and it touched your heart and made you squirt a tear for Oksana, more power to you. All I got out of it was confirmation why the show is called Killing Eve and not Villanelle and Her Wacky Russian Family. Come for the comedy. Stay for the kills. In a new interview for her Elle Canada cover story, Oh spoke of how she had reached a point in her life where she was not looking for the next big blockbuster movie, but interested in roles where her Korean American identity can be explored. “I decided that I’m only going to play characters that are essential to the plot, that conduct the narrative and therefore can’t be cut out.” Eve is an essential character who conducts the narrative, and was cut out of the latest installment of the program that bears her name. And that bothers me. It bothers me a lot more than just a mediocre Killing Eve story. I will never watch another Killing Eve which erases one of the female leads to elevate the other. That is not how women empower women.

FINAL GRADE: C

#Killing Eve #Villanelle #suzanne heathcote #ke s3 #emerald fennell #phoebe waller bridge #showrunner #Eve Polastri #Villanelle x Eve

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taetaesbaebaepsae · 4 years

Text

Lollipop Part 3

Read Part 1 Here

Read Part 2 Here

A/N: Just for the record, this is in Jimin’s POV so he doesn’t know this, but Y/N is only friends with Mingi, he just assumes he’s her new boyfriend and Y/n lets him bc she’s a clown

Taglist: (wanna be added to the taglist? Fill out this form here for this and any of my other series!

@restfromthestreets @riha-noona @livewittykid @mamabird3348 @writersparaphrenalia @confusemonkey @jooheonbee @ultraanonymousey @lvupmushroom @wannatrymebitch @purpletigertaetae @jimintaelove

Warnings: None, just some angst and Jimin being a salty little shit

Word Count: 1157, probably gonna have 5 parts

Jimin doesn't hear from you in days, and it drives him crazy.

Once, you'd gotten mad at him in high school over something he doesn't even remember, and you'd cracked in 24 hours.

It's been five days and you hadn't responded to a single text or call and you hadn't been home and he wants to tear his hair out wondering where you'd been sleeping.

It couldn't be that guy, right? God, it made his stomach roll, just thinking about it.

He's been lucky, all these years, because you'd never had a steady boyfriend, never really dated, and he'd been able to pretend he's the man in your life.

Now...now he felt displaced, like he didn't have a place in your life at all, and he can't sleep, is barely eating, just thinking of you all the time.

When he sees you on campus from across the quad, at first, he thinks he's mistaken. Maybe daydreaming. But when you jump up on some big guy's back, giggling as he piggybacks you to a bench, you turn and he'd know that smile anywhere.

Jimin knows he should probably stay put. He knows it's a bad idea to go stalking over there, but he'd never been very good at listening, even to himself, so his feet carry him before he knows it.

"Hey, Y/n!" He chirps brightly, smiling at you. "Long time no see. Who's your new friend?"

You look up at him, blinking in shock. "Jimin."

Jimin hates how flat your voice is, saying his name. He hates how you lean into the guy sitting next to you, hates how he throws his arm around your shoulders, casually, as if it belongs there. His fucking chest hurts. He keeps smiling, though, knowing how fake it must look.

"I'm not new," the guy says cheerfully. "I'm Mingi. Nice to meet you!"

Jimin grits his teeth as he shakes his hand. Of course, you'd date some guy a foot taller than him. Jimin eyes him up and down, thinking he could probably take him down id he tackled him around the waist. Big guys never protected their lower half.

"How you been, Jiminie?" You ask softly, jerking him out of his fantasy of wrestling your new boyfriend to the ground and punching him in his big perfect teeth.

Jimin's smile falters. He runs a hand through his hair. "Not so great," he admits. "Haven't been sleeping. My best friend kinda ditched me recently."

You flinch a little, and he thought he'd feel victorious but it just makes the ache in his chest worse.

"Been busy," you mutter.

"Can we...can we talk? Just for a minute?" Jimin reaches for your hand and he's grateful when you take it because he's pretty sure he would've started crying like a little girl if you hadn't, right in front of your big stupid boyfriend.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," you call to Mingi, and he just nods and smiles, unbothered, as Jimin huffs and drags you away.

"Is that your new boyfriend?" Jimin asks, and he hates that he can't breathe while you blink up at him, waiting for your answer.

Instead of speaking, you just nod, and Jimin's heart seems to stop in his chest.

He takes in a shaky breath, running his hand through his hair again. "He...he seems nice. Big, but nice," he mutters.

"You think so?" Your smile cracks his heart straight through.

"Sure, he's like ten foot tall-"

You laugh, and he gives you a weak smile.

"I miss you so much, lollipop. I miss you so much it hurts," he says, almost a whisper, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

You look away, and he's suddenly fighting tears.

"Lollipop. Y/n. Please, I can't stand us not talking. I'm sorry if what I said upset you. I shouldn't have... I'm sorry."

You exhale slowly. "It's not okay to play with my feelings like that, Jimin."

Jimin blinks, incredulous. "You think I would...Y/n, I wasn't playing with you. I was serious. I am serious. You have to know that."

You look at him, chin jutted out defiantly, and God, he wants to kiss you. He wants to know what you taste like so fucking badly.

"You're only saying this because I finally have a boyfriend and you're jealous."

"Of course I'm fucking jealous!" He bursts out. "Do you know how much it hurts me to see his big stupid arm around you? How you smile at him like he hung the moon?" He looks down at his feet miserably, eyes burning.

He feels your hand on his shoulder but tears are filling his eyes and he can't look at you until he can control his breathing, stop thinking about how that guy was the one who bent you over a couch arm a few days ago and fuck, it hurts. It hurts and he just wants to forget it ever happened, wants to go back to teasing you and hoping you'd finally realize he really meant it when he said he'd give it all up for you, risk everything just for a chance to be yours.

"You'll always be my best friend, Jimin. No one can replace you."

Jimin sniffles, wiping angrily at his eyes. "What if I don't want to just be your friend, lollipop? What if I want more?"

You sigh. "Jimin...you don't."

He looks at you and you look a little shocked.

"Don't tell me what I want. I know what I want. I've known since I was fucking fifteen."

"Not this again, Jimin, please-"

"You won't listen to me!" He knows he's whining but he can't care, not when he feels like his heart is crumbling in his chest.

You start to turn away and he panics, grabs at your wrist.

"Wait. Wait, please. Just...just give me one shot, lollipop. One night. One date."

You look at him warily. " A date?'

"Yes. A date. A real date. There's a carnival in town, yeah? I wanted to take you to that carnival when we were kids, let me take you."

You just look at him, but your face is softening and you haven't said no, so he releases your wrist.

"Tonight. I'll pick you up at seven."

You still don't speak and he pulls you into his arms, hugs you tight, resting his chin on the top of your head, and you relax against him and finally the gloom that had settled over him lifts a bit.

"You better not be late," you mumble into his chest, and he laughs, lets you go and pulls back at you, grinning.

"I'll be early," he promises.

You smile back. "Okay, Jiminie. One date."

"You won't regret it!" He calls as you head back to the bench, and when you turn your back he scowls at your boyfriend.

Mingi blinks, and you turn around to look at Jimin and he's smiling and waving.

#park jimin x reader #jimin x reader #jimin imagine #jimin series #bts angst #lollipop

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maatryoshkaa · 5 years

Photo

[ YOUNG GOD ] missingfootage.mpeg-4

file name: birthday nightmares

warnings: descriptions of abuse, violence, and alcohol

ryu says: this is not a chapter. the events in this file are meant only to provide backstory and bonus context for the chapters to come. what happens between jisung and you in this excerpt can be seen as characterisation and character development, but will not be referenced in the chapters.

enjoy.

SEP. 14 2005

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!”

His mother’s arms were wrapped around him in a warm hug, swaying him gently as he squealed with laughter. Six red candles glowed on top of a homemade birthday cake.

“Happy birthday, dear Jisung, happy birthday to you!” On the last note, she swiped a dollop of vanilla frosting and dabbed it onto his nose, making the toddler burst into a fit of giggles. His mother had drawn the curtains, a handful of balloons -- they were all she could find -- around them. Her bright smile was lit up by the birthday candle flames, a smile Jisung hadn’t seen for what felt like forever.

Her face was an odd shade of white, but at least there were no red markings. Jisung didn’t like the red marks, because they always made his mother cry.

He dipped his own finger into the frosting and smeared it onto his mother’s cheek, the two of them still laughing. Catching his breath, Jisung reached up to wipe the white frosting from her face as she beamed back at him.

But the moment his tiny fingers touched her skin, her face contorted into an expression of pain before she tried to pull away, a forced smile on her face. Jisung’s hand clumsily swept over her cheek and came away with something thick and powdery on his fingers. Looking up in confusion, he was startled to see that his mother’s cheek was darker -- and beneath the white powder, there were the telltale marks of deep, painful purples and bright, angry reds.

“Hey. Hey, birthday boy, you still need to make a wish,” his mother said, smiling. But Jisung couldn’t hear her, fingers continuing to wipe away the thick makeup concealing her bruises.

The sound of the front door opening made his hand freeze. He watched his mother’s features draw taut, like a string pulled too tightly. As if a bomb had gone off, she shoved the balloons beneath the table and ripped open the curtains, her face pale with fear. Turning back to him, she thrusted the birthday cake -- candles still lit -- into Jisung’s hands before hurriedly pushing him into his room.

She kneeled to his height, one hand stroking his hair soothingly. “Remember to make a wish, okay? And don’t forget to sing yourself happy birthday, too. When you’re finished singing, mommy will be with you.”

She shut his door with a bang, the lock clicking. And Jisung was all alone.

“Happy birthday to me?” He whispered, but it came out sounding more like a question. “Happy b-birthd--”

A series of deafening pops made him jolt, soon followed by a crash and his mother screaming. He could hear his father’s slurred yelling from his room, the popping balloons sounding like gunshots.

“Happy birthday to m-me. Happy birthday, d-dear ‘sungie,” he sang louder, a bubble of sobs threatening to break in his throat. “H-happy birthday t-t-to me.”

The crying and yelling got louder, the sound of glass shattering making the floorboards beneath his feet tremble. So he sang again, and again, and again, until his throat was so sore and scratchy he couldn’t make a sound, and only dry, hiccuping sobs escaped his lips. Make a wish, his mother had told him, and so he squeezed his eyes shut.

I wish he was dead.

────────

SEP. 14 2009

“H-hey, ‘sung, happy birthday.”

Jisung opened one eye to see Minho smiling back at him. The older boy was standing in front of his desk and holding what looked like a small slice of cheesecake in his hands, wrapped crudely in a strip of cheesecloth. He had stuck what looked like a matchstick into the dessert like a makeshift candle, probably to make Jisung laugh -- or simply because there weren’t any birthday candles in the orphanage.

“I barely snuck into the school kitchen and bothered the cook until he made one.” He looked down at the cake, and stammered, “I-it’s a bit overcooked, and it’s cold by now, but, uh…”

Jisung lifted his head from his desk and Minho flinched. For a split second, Jisung thought he saw fear flicker across the older kid’s face, and then it was gone. Jisung had seen that look before; he’d seen it too many times.

It was how everyone used to look at his father.

He took a small bite, the sweet, familiar aroma making his mouth water and bringing a torrent of repressed memories flooding into his mind. He pushed Minho’s hand away, a little harder than he’d meant to.

“Thanks. You can have the rest, Minho. I’m...full.”

────────

SEP. 14 2013

“Hey, Han!” Chan’s voice was warm and friendly as ever, even from the other end of the phone. “Where are you, mate? I know you said you don’t like celebrating your birthday, but a few of us are hanging out at Felix’s. You think you can make it?”

The phone was propped against Jisung’s shoulder, Chan’s voice was pressed right up in his ear, and both of Jisung’s hands were digging into a dead body.

When he’d looked down and realised what he’d done, Jisung had made a small noise of terror. The dead man’s eyes were unnaturally wide with raw fear, and Jisung’s hands were wrapped so tightly around its throat he swore he could feel the vertebrae crack. Releasing his grip with a choked gasp, he stumbled backwards into the spreading pool of blood as Chan continued to speak on the other end.

“Don’t think of it as your birthday if you don’t want to -- some of us seniors just wanted to celebrate our last year in high school. What d’you say?”

Jisung’s fingers were still clenched and bruised and sore. He’d killed this man, he was sure of it. The memories were coming back to him in jagged flashes -- the man hitting his wife in their house, Jisung overhearing through the open window, the man stumbling outside, and Jisung driving his head straight into the wall. Mustering up the steadiest voice he could manage, Jisung replied, “Y-yeah, um, about that...I don’t think...don’t think I can m-make it, Chan. I--”

He broke off, voice growing scratchy and panicked. He heard Chan pause for a long moment on the other end before the older boy finally spoke again. “You sound terrible, ‘sung. Are you sick or somethin’? And on your birthday, too?”

The blood was beginning to seep into Jisung’s Converse, sticking between his toes. He was kneeling before the corpse now, not able to tear his eyes off of the man’s lifeless expression.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m so sick, it’s unbelievable.” A bright laugh forced its way out of Jisung’s mouth, and he squeezed his eyes shut. Above him, the night sky was pitch black, with no sign of stars or even the cold face of the moon. The stench of death was beginning to settle in, making his nostrils burn. “I’m so, so fucking sick.”

────────

SEP. 14 2019

Jisung tore out of the nightmare, clawing at his bedsheets and blankets and ripping them away. He was sat up straight now, chest heaving, blood roaring in his ears, his breath leaving him in jagged wisps. A drop of cold sweat trickled down the side of his face.

He reached for his phone, eyes burning when the screen lit up. September 14th. 2:00 A.M. A notification had popped up.

Happy Birthday, Han Jisung! Miroh Heights wishes you a happy birthday.

He’d forgotten that they did this -- they had every student’s birthday logged onto the student database, and the system sent everybody stupid automatic birthday messages every year. He scowled. Happy birthday. What kind of bullshit was that? He hadn’t known a single happy birthday in his life. For the last thirteen years, the only birthday gift he’d gotten from the universe was flashbacks and nightmares--

Bzzt. Bzzt.

His phone lit up, his ringtone muffled against the bedsheets. Frowning, he picked it up, checking the caller ID.

INCOMING CALL: y/n l/n

He rubbed his eyes. Why on earth were you awake at 2 in the morning? Before he could stop himself, his finger pressed the answer button, heart pounding.

“Hello?”

He could hear the flustered smile in your voice, could see your reddened face as you stammered in response. “H-hi! Um...it’s just...I was staying up working on my report, you know, and Felix told me it was your birthday tomorrow -- I mean, today -- and, um. I swear I meant to just send you a message, but my finger slipped and my eyes are kind of glazing over at this point, so I’m really, really sorry if I woke y--”

“I’m glad you called,” Jisung interrupted, his voice coming out painfully softer than he’d intended.

He heard you make a squeaking noise on the other end, and chuckled. What’s going on? What’s happening? Why was he smiling despite the cold sweat on his brow, why was there a warm fluttering in his chest despite the lingering sick feeling in his gut?

“A-anyways. I should probably make this quick. Um, so I don’t have a gift, I’m really, really sorry, but -- you know what?” He heard you huff determinedly -- the same was you had before you’d pulled him in and kissed him for the first time. The memory made the corners of his lips twitch. “I can--I’ll sing you happy birthday!”

Jisung’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to stop you, but nothing came out. How was he supposed to tell you that hearing anyone sing happy birthday made his head pound from repressed memories, made his throat close up with hot tears? What would you think--

You began singing, and all his thoughts immediately went silent.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…”

Jisung’s breath caught in his throat, ears straining and pressing against the phone just to hear your voice more clearly. You were half-singing, half-whispering, voice hushed and shaky with nerves and embarrassment. You went off-key in some places, giggled a bit, and then continued singing softly.

It was the most beautiful thing Jisung had ever heard.

“Happy birthday, dear Jisung…”

He felt all the tension in his chest let go, his muscles relax, as he sank into his bed, phone sandwiched between the pillow and his cheek. When was the last time he’d felt like this? Ah...he remembered. A birthday party, fourteen years ago, a mother’s warm embrace, her sweet voice, a smile lit up by six birthday candles. A dollop of vanilla frosting on a pale cheek…

“Happy birthday to you.”

His eyes drooped shut, lips parting softly as he slipped into a rare, dreamless sleep.

“...’sungie? Did you fall asleep?” You giggled. “Well, goodnight, then.”

Maybe it was a happy birthday, after all.

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homosociallyyours · 4 years

Text

@velvet-impala tagged me to answer this long set of questions, and bc I love this sort of thing I’m DOING IT! I’ll tag folks here just in case you don’t want to read thru this whole dang thing. But I wanna say: if you want to do this, PLEASE DO IT and tag me so I can see-- I *love* reading responses to stuff like this. But @la-paritalienne @disgruntledkittenface @and-id-marry-larry @calmrry @crinkle-eyed-boo @lightwoodsmagic -- y’all are tagged :)

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? black, but what matters most is how smoothly it writes.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? walkable neighborhood in a city. 3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? would love to learn how to hack into billionaire bank accounts without getting caught so i could redistribute their wealth to a variety of mutual aid funds. :) 4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? no, just milk! unless it’s really shitty/bitter coffee, and then i will take it with a couple sugars or sweetened creamer.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? probably the Anne of Green Gables books 6. Do you prefer baths or showers? showers! i wanna love a bath, but i get bored too fast and i never feel comfortable (where do i put my head? my feet? what do i do when my belly isn’t covered by the water and it gets cold?) so they’re meh.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? dryad! i wanna be a tree spirit!

8. Paper or electronic books? paper, i guess. but i do love reading fic electronically, so..

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? used to be my work hoodie. but now i would say this blue striped button down i have OR this one black dress i have with 3/4 sleeves that’s really soft and comfy.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? i always meant to start going by Dottie when I got older, but it hasn’t happened yet so it probably won’t by now? but i would never change my name generally speaking.

more after the cut!

11. Who is a mentor to you? i had a co-worker who was really a mentor for me since i got into being a cheesemonger in 2008. he’s been in the industry for a long time and basically recruited me to the job i have/had here. but when i got sick he basically dropped me/hasn’t spoken to me in a long time. let me tell you: it fucking sucks. bc a mentor is a cross between a friend and a colleague and a relative; we jokingly called him my lesbian uncle. and so losing him from my life so completely over something like this is deeply shitty.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? not now, but before i was sick i would’ve said yes. BUT only bc i think i would be a great Saturday Night Live host (not a cast member! just a one time host with a monologue/skits). So whatever level of fame i needed to get that..

13. Are you a restless sleeper? I have really bad insomnia that means i take at least an hour to fall asleep most nights. Once I’m out, I usually sleep ok, but i do have intense dreams/nightmares that wake me up sometimes.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? yeah :/

15. Which element best represents you? earth: the wet dirt and leaves in a forest after rain in particular

16. Who do you want to be closer to? emotionally i’m pretty good i think. physically i wish i could be closer to friends and family in NYC, Seattle area, TN/Atlanta, and Germany

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? the people referenced above. also missing my Grandmomma a lot lately and my mom.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. art lessons with my grandmomma. her set of pastels that were all worn down and the heavy paper (black) that she pulled out to work on. she drew a quick portrait of a man, showing me how to create depth in skin tones with blue and green against the softer flesh tones. she didn’t blend it out, the marks all painterly and strong-- her style. i was 10, maybe? 12? so not *early* but it feels like forever ago.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? i have no idea? i’ve eaten a lot of weirdish cheeses. i’ve had geoduck?

20. What are you most thankful for? the amazing friends i’ve gathered into my life along the way, my dad, and my baby dog.

21. Do you like spicy food? yes, within reason (i don’t get stuff that’s spicy just for the heck of it, like ghost pepper chips or whatever? but when spice is integrated in with other flavors i love it)

22. Have you ever met someone famous? i used to make up stories about meeting famous people that were based on partial truths. i’ve hung out with or met a lot of gay famous people. but the biggest person who comes to mind is Sandra Bernhard. I sold her cheese. 23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? i have over the years. now i sometimes write things down in a paper journal, but mostly go to a really old blogging site where i basically put all my big feelings down in a public but sorta private spot.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? depends on my mood.

25. What is your star sign? taurus sun and moon, gemini rising

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? in between...not HARD crunchy, but not soft soggy.

27. What would you want your legacy to be? would like people to remember that i loved them well and made them feel good/happy when i was around them. and hopefully that it made them feel like being good to others too.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? i do, but i’m mostly reading fic these days. i think the thing i read last was Pink Like the Paradise Found, which was FANTASTIC!

29. How do you show someone you love them? i tell them, shower them with physical affection, and do little things for them. also try to remember small details about what they enjoy and then do stuff to make them feel good when they’re down

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? yes, but not too much

31. What are you afraid of? sometimes being along but only when it’s very dark out and i’m in the sads. honestly-- this is some deep internalized ableism but here it is --i’m very afraid of never getting better and not being able to take care of myself or anyone else.

32. What is your favourite scent? jasmine flowers, pu-er tea, the specific scents of people i love

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? however they’re introduced i guess. maybe because i’m an older person lol

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? i would live in the apartment i had alone (with a guest room). i would hire someone from my community to come help me out sometimes. i would get a weekly grocery delivery from the good quality place. i would have a dog walker. and i would fly home to see my family more than once a year and fly my family out for a visit sometimes. so like. probably the way a lot of ppl live? idk.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? ocean

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? get dinner at the thai restaurant down the street a couple times.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? yes, lots!

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? i’m not having kids BUT for the kids in my life, i try to teach them/model the importance of consent and respect for their own bodies as well as other people’s. and i know it said one thing, but alongside that is that i respect and love them for who they are, and that’s something they get to decide.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i want a lot of tattoos, but if i could get one tomorrow it would be a cheese themed tattoo with a variety of cheese knives (parm tools, dutch style knife) and a small cheese assortment. or a portrait of my dog

40. What can you hear now? this kinda dumb netflix show that i decided to binge today even tho it’s only kinda meh and my dog snoring just a little.

41. Where do you feel the safest? when i’m surrounded by friends.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? my stupid money issues prolly

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? wanna go back to 1977 and live in the girl direction AU i wrote last year, lol.

44. What is your most used emoji? laugh crying emoji or sobbing maybe

45. Describe yourself using one word. colorful

46. What do you regret the most? not sure if this is a thing but i regret not realizing when i got bitten by a tick/got lyme disease the first time, bc maybe i could’ve just taken antibiotics and killed it, and then maybe i wouldn’t be sick?

47. Last movie you saw? watched the new charlie’s angels the other night

48. Last tv show you watched? this dumb show is called sweet magnolias, and it’s. honestly not terrible! it’s just not my style of show. OH WAIT i take it back, they left it on a really shitty cliffhanger without warning, and that is the one way to make me drop your show/fic HARD unless i like. genuinely love you. so byeeee dumb show, hope you get cancelled

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. saungry: sadness brought on by being hungry, like hangry except oops you’re crying now! example: “fuck i knew i should’ve eaten before calling my best friend, now i miss them and i’m too saungry to figure out what to eat! Guess I’ll have tears for dinner” (almost called it sungry, but the internet thinks that might just mean ‘so hungry’)

did you make it to the end? WOW! devotion. thank you.

#about me #long post #text post #livejournal throwback

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oikawa13 · 3 years

Text

love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane.

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen.

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M

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chwetuan · 5 years

Text

you can tell yugyeom not to come, but he’ll never listen. an addition to: 15 years

“This better be an emergency.”

Yugyeom’s voice is groggy from being awoken from his slumber.

“It is.” You respond, and over the phone, you can hear him turn on the lamp at his bedside.

You can envision how he is at the moment, laying in his bed with a worn t-shirt covered by the thickness of his comforter. His bedroom door is probably cracked open, allowing Gustav, the family’s cat, to wander in and out at his desire.

“I told you to only call me after 2am if it was an absolute emergency.”

“I know.”

For some reason, there’s an anxious feeling settling in your stomach as you fiddle with the drawstrings of your hoodie. You’re sat on the floor next to your bed, curtain drawn slightly to allow the glimmer of the moon to filter throughout your bedroom.

You wish you could be like the stars.

For a few moments, you’re entranced, thinking of what it would be like so far away from this stupid town and so high above the world.

Yugyeom sighs on the other end of the line, interrupting your thoughts. “What’s wrong?”

Suddenly, you’re ripped from your fantasy. “Actually, nothing. It isn’t an emergency. Just wanted to piss you off a little. You know?” The addition to your sentence is rushed, like you’re racing to find an excuse.

Always racing, always running.

It isn’t unnoticed, the way your tone of voice changes to something so forced; something so guarded. Yugyeom begins to call your name, preparing to press further, but before he has the chance, you’re saying goodnight. He barely catches it, your mumblings about being sorry because he has work in a few hours and that you shouldn’t have called.

When the line goes dead, he’s forced to stare at your contact ID. It’s nothing special, a simple red heart accompanied by the shooting star — but it leaves him thinking.

For him, you hang the stars in the sky.

He peeks across at the clock on his nightstand, the red number flickering. 2:43 am.

And before he knows it, he’s behind the wheel of his mom’s old suv, fingers cold against the buckle of the seatbelt. He must’ve run on autopilot, the way he packed his uniform and managed to tie his sneakers.

It’s not long before he’s climbing the steps of your apartment complex. The building is a bit newer, and much less shitty than most of the complexes in the area. But, it’s still shitty, nonetheless, and the elevator hasn’t worked for 3 months.

He contemplates using the spare key you gave him a few months ago, but he goes against it.

If he knocks, you’ll answer.

~~~

“You didn’t have to come, dickwad.”

A tired smile tugs at the edge of Yugyeom’s lips as he watches you fumble with the light switch, flicking it off and on. Just like the elevator, it doesn’t work.

“You called.”

He shrugs, pulling at your hands with a look of resignation.

You sigh. “You have to work tomorrow.”

“I have my uniform.”

You cross your arms and stare at him.

He can tell that you’ve been crying, nose red and eyes still glassy.

“Whatever, let’s just sleep. I feel like an asshole for waking you up.”

Yugyeom does everything with casual conviction. His actions always seem like they are meant to fit into that specific moment.

Like everything he does, he’s meant to do.

You don’t stop him when he wraps his arms around you. Maybe it’s because you need it, or maybe it’s just that you need him.

You words are muffled against his body, raw and slightly broken. “Yugyeom, I feel like an asshole.”

“You are an asshole, but it’s okay.”

Hs choice of words is ambiguous enough. But in his own way, he’s telling you that you’ll be fine.

He’s telling you that things will be okay.

In moments like these, with his arms secured tightly around you, the scent of his body wash faint and lingering, that you really feel how much he means to you.

How much you need him.

That thought runs to the forefront of your mind mind, and it takes all of your mental energy to push it back to where it belongs — the depths of your mind, where memories and thoughts go unacknowledged. Where you force them to live in the darkness.

It scares you.

“I shouldn’t have called.”

“You should always call.” He counters, eyes burning into your own. Staring at your soul, clutching your heart in his hands.

Later on that night, when you’re staring up at the ceiling with Yugyeom at your side, he speaks softly.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, but you can’t stop me from coming.”

You don’t answer him. Instead, you reach for his hand, fingers intertwining.

As your eyes drift close, you think back to his words.

Then, you think to yourself, maybe it will be okay, after all.

And even if it’s not, Yugyeom will be there, and that’ll make things better.

#WHEW Y’ALL THOT I WAS GONNA LEAVE IT ALONE HUH #OOPSIES #yugyeom x reader #got7 reactions #got7 scenarios #got7 drabbles #kpop fluff #kpop scenarios #kpop drabbles #got7 x reader #got7 imagines

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szopenhauer · 4 years

Text

Would you ever chew gum after someone else already has? noooo, yuk

Earrings or a necklace? necklace

Have you ever wished on 11:11? I do smth else/have different tradition

Have you ever listened to the Goo Goo Dolls? Iris, even recently

Have you ever watched Lost? nah

Do you have pictures of your exes? I think I deleted them

Do you have Ozzy Osbourne on your mp3 player? I don’t listen to him but I liked to watch Osbourne’s family tho

Do you read romance novels? the only one I could count as a romance was Five feet apart

Did you draw pictures for your crushes in preschool? no :o

Have you ever not asked someone out cause you were scared of rejection? yep

Have you ever liked someone just because of their appearance? had some crushes like this, especially celebs lol

Pink or green? green but pink with green looks interesting

A bracelet or a ring? depends

Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter? LOTR

By airplane or bus? bus

What’s the last thing you binge watched? She-ra

Do you watch youtube videos or tv shows more? yt videos

What are you tired of right now? everything

Have you ever gotten rid of something and then regretted it? If so, what? several things, personal

How does your stomach feel right now? silence before the storm?...

Do you live in an apartment that has inspections? I don’t live in an apartment

Do you hate taking naps during the day? yes and no

Who in your immediate family has the best natural hair? my grandma has, she never got grey hair nor dandruff etc.

Do you know anyone who thinks they’re more talented than they are? obvi

What is the origin of your last name? polish?

Have you ever been inside a Victorian mansion? I wish

What was the most boring field trip you ever went on? hmm...

What are your favorite types of videos to watch on youtube? music videos, thrift hauls, interiors, fashion, funny stuff...

What’s a DIY craft project you want to try? I’m not into DIY

Are you a hoarder? yep

Do you ever call yourself stupid in your head? often

If you were to start a collection, what would it be? not counting those I already have? for example - znicze

Would you ever give your daughter the middle name Marie? I could, especially if it was a boy :P as it’s legal to call him Maria if it’s the middle name lmfao

Do you have a relationship with God? some sort of it

Have you ever “fired” a doctor? could say so

Who is the prettiest Asian youtuber that you can think of? I don’t watch any Asian youtubers

What was the temperature where you live today? less than 30 Celsius but it felt colder

Is your sleep schedule all messed up? umm...

Did you wear green last St. Patrick’s Day? I don’t celebrate this

Food: Are you adventurous or do you stick to what you know? stick

Do you know both of your biological parents? I do

When was the last time you wrote so much your finger ached? last night

Do you store a lot of pictures you’ve taken that no one else has seen? ppl close to me saw them

When did you first start using the internet? regularly or very first time?

Do you prefer tents or staying in hotels? prefer hotels

Do you have any family traditions for certain holidays? Which? personal

Do you enjoy clowns / street performers or are they creepy to you? some I like

Have you ever had a teacher who would just babble about nothing? for example - we had a priest who was always talking about war times or his night dreams :D

Do you ever look at a word and think that it looks odd? hahaha it happens

Did you ever dream about being an animal? plenty

Which vowel occurs most in your whole name? A

What’s your favourite colour on a dog? dunno

Do you prefer Skirts or Dresses? dresses, I can use them as tunics

Have you ever been told you are fake? once :(

Can you do cartwheels? not well

Do you like the name Sara? no longer...

What’s your first name without an r, e, s or l? doesn’t change

What’s your age plus two divided by 4? 7.5

Do you know someone named after a month (April, May, June)? used to know May

Stop typing. What do you hear? someone is mowing grass as every other day ugh...

What was the last book you read that also is a film? Five feet apart

How often do you get a new purse or a new wallet? whenever I feel like it but I thrift them so it’s not like I spend lots of money

What is the most money that you have ever spent on getting your nails done? few PLN for a nail polish and done them myself lol

Does it matter to you if your girlfriend drinks? I wouldn’t date an alcoholic, someone who is drunk a lot and then do stupid stuff, pukes, have hangovers often, spend all their money on alcohol, smells like it, gross!

Has a little kid ever fallen asleep on your lap before? nah, just cat

If you heard your best friend’s significant other was cheating on them, would you tell them? Even if you couldn’t prove it? I’d mention that to them

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? if they want to attend...

Have you ever stayed on a ride at a theme park to ride it again? nope

Where did your mother and father meet for the first time? in front of the church

Would you rather read books or magazines? depends

Have you ever had your cheek pinched? I hate that >.>

Do you own any plaid pants? I have a pair of plaid leggings and pajamas

Do you talk in your sleep? nah

Have you ever fallen off a horse? never been on a horse to fall

Can you pick things up with your toes? I do this often

If you are a girl, do you get bad PMS, or is it not so bad? my PMS were usually worse than my period

Would you rather have your shirt be too long or too short? too long

Are you the type of person who can shake insults off easily, or do they tend to stick around in your brain & bother you? stay forever

Do you like clothes with ruffles on them? usually not

Were you happy when you woke up today? I wasn’t

Have you used the opposite sex’s bathroom in a public place before? had to

Do you rent movies frequently? I don’t have money for that

Do you quote movies or songs to answer survey questions? very rarely as it’s annoying

What is your name spelled backwards? Annazuz :3

How do you think the world will end? people will destroy it?

An alien ship lands at your house, and they want you. Do you go with them?

If you were in a horror flick, would you be one of the first ones to die? I think I would survive or die saving someone

What movie has been taken WAY too far, as far as sequels go? most of them but it’s more shows’ thingy

Do you get a fake Christmas tree each year, or a real one? fake, I’m against using real ones

How long would you have to know someone before tying the knot? it’s not about length of time that much

Would you embarass yourself if you met your favorite celebrity? probably :x

If a person had a glass eye, would that scare you? no idea, hope not as I don’t wanna make them feel bad, sorry in advance

Are you a twin? am not

Do you get paranoid that someone’s looking at your through your window? my neighbor sometimes does so...

Mountains, oceans, or forests? forests

When was the last time you “de-haired” your hairbrush? recently?

Are any of your great grandparents still alive? they’re all dead

Where’s your significant other? visiting her dad

How much blankets do you sleep under? 1-2

Is a hair dryer a necessity for you? it is

If you were atop a tall building, would you throw stuff at people below? don’t do that!

Do you believe we really landed on the moon? I don’t give a shit

Name a movie everyone else thought was funny, but you couldn’t stand: majority of comedies tbh

What topping do you HATE on pizzas? same, I’m more into simple food

Got any interesting wigs? bunch

Can you resist temptation? most often

Would a credit card get you into trouble? if I lost it, I would be paranoid about it 24/7, omg I just got scared I’ve lost my ID and bus card

Truth or dare? truth?

Which is more annoying: sequels or prequels? *shrug*

Do you use rechargeable batteries? when I did they were blowing up, didn’t charge back or smth like this so I prefer normal ones thank you very much

Describe the chair you’re sitting in. Is it comfy? it's so old there’s barely anything left to sit on but I have no cash for a new one nor can get that kind of chair anywhere so... 2 pillows under my butt have to be enough

What would you do if you thought someone was following you? try to lose them

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angelcatsiel · 4 years

Text

I reblogged an ask game thing the other day but no one sent any asks so I just fuckin answered them all because I was bored and I am learning to not give a fuck what anyone thinks of me and it was fun

1. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself?

This is a hard one. I want to think of a funny one but my childhood wasn’t great. My dad has told me that when I was a toddler, before I can remember, he used to play AC/DC and I used to put clothes pegs in my hair for some unknown reason, stand on the sofa and violently headbang.

2. What is the stupidest way you have ever gotten hurt?

When I was about 11, I was swinging on a swing in the garden, and got curious about what would happen if I put my hands right at the very bottom of the chains while I was swinging. The answer was that I fell off backwards and hit my head. I went in to my dad crying, calmed down, and went back on the swing again. I tried to work out what exactly I had done to cause myself to fall off. I remember thinking, I think I held the chains near the bottom like this... and tested the theory, and fell off again, and hit my head again.

This is one of many stupid injuries. Other considerations were the time I climbed up a slide and hit my head on the bar at the top and knocked myself out, or the time I got kicked by a horse in a field and grabbed onto the electric fence to hold myself up.

3. What was the first PG-13 movie you watched?

Literally no idea.

4. What was the first R rated movie you watched?

I think it may have been the first Deadpool? Haven’t seen that many tbh

5. When was the moment you felt most badass?

When I was about 8, I was at the park with my brother, and this much older kid (maybe about 16 or 17, hardly a kid) with an aggressive dog stole my brother’s ice cream money. I marched up to him and demanded he give it back. He let his dog off the lead and it sniffed around my ankles and growled, and he told me it would bite me if I ran. I stood there and stared him down for a good 20 seconds or so before he called back the dog and walked away. I didn’t get the money back.

6. What is a band you can reliably always love?

Marillion. Favourite band, always.

7. What is your favorite form of self expression?

Probably singing even though I’m very bad at it.

8. What is something from your childhood you wish you still had?

My stuffed rabbit Hoppy. I haven’t been able to find him in several years. Can’t think about it too hard or I’ll cry.

9. Where is your favorite place on earth?

The Isle of Wight. My dad used to take me and my brother there for holidays every few years. It’s beautiful and full of memories, the most precious memories being the time we saved up vouchers in the newspaper to go the year after my dad left his abusive wife and ended up homeless. We were so poor but with the vouchers we could just afford to go, and it was the first time I saw my dad happy in a long time.

10. What is the longest friendship you have ever had?

My best friend @van-helsa124 who I have known since literally nursery and I love her so much.

11. Is there anyone is your life you wish you had met sooner than you did?

Maybe my friend Luce who I only met a couple of years ago, but we’ve grown close pretty quick.

12. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yep definitely. Pretty sure I was visited by my gran after she died and I’ve had a few creepy experiences.

13. What is the coldest water you have ever swam in?

No idea tbh, I don’t swim much

14. How old were you when you learned how to swim?

Maybe 8 or 9? I had lessons in primary school.

15. What song do you listen to when you’re sad?

Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift. It’s my cry song.

16. Are you an adrenaline junky?

Yep! Love roller coasters and stuff like that, and would love to do something extreme like jump out of a plane or something.

17. What is a song that takes you back to childhood?

I have a few but the main ones are probably Man on the Moon by REM, and You Were Right by Badly Drawn Boy.

18. What is your favorite word?

Not sure I have one. For some reason the only one coming to mind is a place not too far from where my family live called Biggleswade, and I have to say it every time we drive past because I love saying it. I also love saying tiddies at every opportunity.

19. What is your least favorite word?

Don’t think I have a least favourite either, the usual infamous ones (e.g. moist) don’t really bother me.

20. What scent reminds you of childhood?

Cherryade. I drank some several years ago and the smell before I tasted it transported me immediately back to my childhood and a memory I’d completely forgotten, which was my gran constantly buying me a shit ton of cherryade every time I stayed over her house.

21. Were you sad when you found out clouds weren’t like pillows, or did you never think that?

I don’t think I was sad, I think I was just curious and interested to learn, and I tried to come up with new interesting ways of describing the feeling of clouds in my head, since even as a kid I loved to write.

22. When in life did you laugh the hardest?

A few times come to mind and they all involve @van-helsa124. A lot would make absolutely no sense, no matter how much I tried to explain. They’re now ‘friendship memes’. The only one that might be explainable is the first time we ever got drunk, to celebrate achieving ultimate friendship, after we found out that her mum had believed me and her were in a relationship for a year and a half. We even created our own drink, named the year and a half, which was literally just a mix of vodka, koppaberg, rose wine and cloudy lemonade. Tasted better than it sounds. Got me drunk in about 0.5 seconds. Ended the night hugging her trash can trying not to throw up while she read me a destiel fanfic to take my mind off feeling sick

23. What makes you laugh when you don’t feel like laughing?

Old yogscast videos.

24. Do you come from a big family?

Fairly big, lots of aunts and uncles and cousins.

25. What is your favorite part of yourself?

My positivity and the inner strength that I have, that helps me find happiness and courage even when my mental health is low.

26. What is the worst pain you have ever felt?

Trigeminal neuralgia pain (facial nerve pain). Spent 90% of January this year constantly crying and even screaming in pain. Hospital couldn’t do anything for me. I get occasional flare ups now but nothing that severe, but it’s probably going to come back. Feels like someone trying to rip out my cheekbone and jawbone or like someone is literally drilling into the bones in my face, and that’s the milder part. Every so often that pain is interrupted by stabs of sharper pain like electric shocks which have caused me to collapse to the floor screaming. 0/10 do not recommend

27. Do you swear often?

Not super often out loud but very often in my head.

28. Do you get confused for being older or younger than you are?

People always assume I’m younger than I am. I get asked for ID for everything.

29. What is your favorite way to eat a potato?

Probably roast potatoes, but they’ve gotta be done right. Soft inside, crispy outside, and obviously with herbs and spices.

30. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

Honestly no idea.

31. Describe yourself in 6 words?

Slightly unstable yet somehow happy weirdo

32. What is the worst insult you have ever received?

Can’t think of any major insults either lmao no one talks to me apparently

33. Have you ever taken in any media that changed your life?

The Good Place and Supernatural. With supernatural it wasn’t the actual show so much as the friendships it made me and the confidence and happiness the conventions gave me, at a time when my mental health was at its worst, although the show helped massively too. Idc if it’s cringey, it kept me alive. The Good Place changed my entire worldview and actually made me less afraid of death.

34. Have you ever collected anything?

My model horses! I have at least 10 at this point

35. Strangest thing you have ever broken?

As in bones or objects? Can’t think of any objects and the only time I ever broke a bone was when I broke my toe at like 12:01am on new year’s day when I got up to pour myself another drink and tripped over the table

36. Weirdest food you have ever eaten?

I’m not that adventurous with food so nothing that weird

37. Childhood nickname?

My dad would call me Flo. Not sure why.

38. Most people you have shared a bed with in a non sexual manner?

Two. Shared a bed with my best friend and my other friend Josh, once at a convention, once at Josh’s birthday. Birthday one is a bit blurry as I was drunk but at the convention I got to be in the middle and spooned Josh while my best friend spooned me and it was very cosy

39. What is something that makes you fall asleep?

The Marillion song Angelina, or this one ASMR video that’s supposed to be the sound of being in the Impala with the Winchesters. Laugh all you want, I like it.

40. Did your parents ever accidentally lose or forget you?

No but my teacher did once, can’t remember the context, I think she had to drive me and some other girls somewhere for some club event and when we got back to the school she forgot me in the car because I was so quiet lmao

41. If you were a superhero what would your weakness be?

I would be a terrible superhero and have many weaknesses. Loud noises would immediately put me out of action. Someone makes eye contact with me and I disintegrate immediately

42. What food reminds you of home?

Tuna pasta! With this one specific sauce that my mum used to make it with

43. What is your comfort food?

Probably also that tuna pasta. And chocolate. A shit ton of chocolate.

44. Cold room with lots of blankets or hot room with no blankets?

Cold room with lots of blankets, no question.

45. No shoes without socks or no shoes with socks?

No shoes without socks

46. Do you run hot your cold?

I am presuming this means ‘do you run hot or cold’ and the answer is, usually, both simultaneously. My body has no idea what temperature regulation is. Catch me out for a walk in short sleeves in the snow, sweating profusely while violently shivering bc I’m feeling extremely hot internally but my skin is freezing (and yes, I have actually done this). Do I have some sort of legit medical issue? No one knows, least of all my doctors!

47. Favorite condiment?

Probably ketchup. Though I also love garlic dip. Does that count as a condiment?

48. What utensil do you use the most?

Probably my tongs for turning chicken and stuff

49. When are you most comfortable?

Any time I’m home alone, just doing my own thing

50. If you could be really good at one thing, what would it be?

Singing! I would love to be an amazing singer but sadly I am a terrible singer though I do practice every day in the vain hope that maybe my voice will improve. If the neighbours could hear me they would have killed me by now

#personal

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dilfsdotnet · 5 years

Note

Yo you should answer all of these scene questions👀👀

:OOO

you think so lad???? shit dawg i was thinkin just a few at a time but if that what u want my dear nonnie i will supply

1. wats ur scene name?

i was thinkin maybe ‘gods mistake’ would be a good one but then. i found a way to make it both danganronpa related, and, even better, a fucking pun as well. ‘kamukura kamukura jasqueen’, or just ‘kamukura jasqueen’ for short is good k thxxx

2. describe ur dream outfit!

oooo gosh this ones trickyy!! there are so many good outfits out there, especially in the scene community!! but it’d have to have a few tiny elements of dr cosplay to add a lil of my dangan-weeb culture in there ofc! more specifically, id really love to get one of kazuichis jumpsuit and just wig out and add shit like this just because i could:

(id just rlly love going out in all those glowy/shiny things at night like all that haha..and yes the shoes would probably kill me/my fuckin feet if i tried to walk in them but shut up i love them theyre cute as fuck)

3. describe ur dream haircut!

oo another tricky one!! i do like my regular hair, and honestly id be lying if i said i didnt love ibuki’s hairdo too but id defs have to go with something like this!!

yaaaassss, so pretty and spikeeeey! maybe id dye my natural hair colour black and/or add some funky colours if i ever actually got this style down!

4. describe ur dream room!

i have a lot of ideas for dream bedrooms actually, but heres a visual image of one of them i found!!!

MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM

(this specific idea arose mainly just for the aesthetic but i also find it super cute and a good environment to be in general hhhnnggg)

5. if u could make anything out of kandi, wat would u make?

oh you mean those colourful beads and bracelet things??? i love those man!!! theyre so visually appealing to me aaaaa…id probably just make a fuck-ton of those and most probably use the little letter beads to say random words/phrases like ‘aubergine’ and ‘despacito’ knowing my shitposter self lmaooo! id definitely make a sansmaeda themed one too thoo fr

6. wat would u write on ur shoez?

it’d probably range from things like a simple kaomoji doodle to something randum and stupid like ‘seesaw’ bc yes asjnd

7. wat kinda piercingz/tattooz do u hav/want?

i dont think i rlly want any real piercings (at least not atm) but id totally go for those fake stick-on gemstone lookin’ ones! and as for tattoos, i cant rlly see myself gettin one of those rn either, but id want something like a mario power-up, preferably the bell one/cat suit powerup!!! its my favorite powerup and its sooo cute!!!

8. fave genrez?

i dont rlly have a specific genre, i like most kinds of music, but i rlly like energetic music that i can dance tooo!!! >w

9. fave bandz?

im a big fan of gorillaz and botdf!!! i like p!atd as well but havent listened to it in a while.. gatta catch up loool

10. fave songz?

my favs alternate a lot, but atm im super into ‘slow dancing in the dark’ by joji!!! so much emotiooon quq…also rlly hooked on botdf and jefree star’s ‘sexting’ tooo lmaooo

11. fave lyricz?

‘The world keeps spinning Among this sinning Oh what a cruel and disgusting place The purest moonlight Is bloodied by plight And screaming resonants But somehow I know That it’s all for show The world will reveal it’s true beauty soon And we’ll all reach towards the moon ‘

its so deep but its from a fucking kaito momota fansong and i love that asnkjdnefe

12. hav u evr been to a concert?

not in a damn long while my lad,, rip australians not havin many artists they like from other countries tour there ;-;

13. do u wanna be in a band?

ive always thought thatd be pretty cool ngl!!! tourin around with ur bandmate friends, makin awesome fuckin tunes, people lovin u and ur music, just livin the dream in general,, nice

14. wats da best soda/energy drink flavour?

havent rlly had any as of rn my lad so i wouldnt know :/

15. wat do u miss most abt old internet?

i loved that we could all just be ourselves and act like the kids we are inside without bein reprimanded at all.. it aint rlly that much of an issue for me but i still think itd be a lot nicer if it was like that again sometimes,,

16. wats da best old meme?

ooohhh there are so many i still miss man! numa numa ermagerd and doge still remind me of the glory days…when old animeme was good and you could still haz ur cheezburgers in peace. also rage comics! rage comics were good what happened

17. best place 2 buy clothez?

i dont think theres any hot topics in australia but if there is. i will hunt it down you hear me

18. wat r ur fave accessoriez?

OH THERES SO MANY GOOD ONES??? as i stated b4 i rly love kandi bracelets and other glowy/led things!!! also rlly love ties with cute and fun patterns and long colourful and/or ripped socks like ibuki’s too hehe

19. wats ur best tip fr ppl that just got into scenecore?

im not rlly the best at advice, but my main point would be-just hav fun here dudes!!! dont let anyone else bulli u abt it, we’re supportive people, u can talk to me or anyone else whos willin to listen an/or help for reassurance ofc

20. opinion on furbiez?

oOH MY GOD YES. FURBIES. MY BABIES I WANT 10 OF THESE CHILDREN…I ACTUALLY HAVE A FURBY HE LIKES SLEEPING IN HIS SPECIAL DRAWER AND HIS NAME IS TINGLE I ADORE HIM I’LL POST A OF PICTURE LATER MAYBE

21. opinion on funko popz?

i like em and ive seen lots at eb games, but i dont buy em much..i do have a megaman pop with a broken arm tho loool

22. wats ur fave pattern? (zebra/leopard print etc)

i looove a lot of patterns but not gonna lie im always a sucker for rainbow checkerboard patterns yknow hehe!

23. fave color combo?

i dont have one rlly…soooo many possible comboooos…cx

24. sumthing u liked as a kid dat u still like?

im still going on girlsgogames and recently, ive finally mastered sues beauty machine!!!! its so good and fun all of ya’ll should try it my dudeeees

25. wats ur most used emoticon? 0w0

as most of ya’ll probs alredy know i spam ‘:O’ a lot, but one of my bigger favs is actually ‘x3′ and my fav kaomoji is ‘ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧’ (both of them are so kyooot >w

26. wats ur fav typin quirk?

i luv talkin like dis, but i dont rly do it that often loool…i awso wuv tawking in ‘owo’ speak wike dis >//w//>

27. do u wish ur fllwrz talked 2 u moar?

hellz yeaaa!!! i luv followr interaction my dudee! it makes me super happi when u all talk to me heehee! x3c

28. tag ur fave scene blawgz!

:O !!! oh gawd!!! i dont know many atm but heeereee!

@xxadam-antidotexx (op of the ask meme)

@glitchkichi (not sure if this counts but their stuff’s rlly cool >v

@otonashi-banana (scene boyf…wuv im more than anythin >///w///>

29. wat got u into scenecore?

i dont remember exactly how it happened but i’d always sorta wanted to go back to the glory days that was the old web and the scene era, and that, coupled with a bright, colourful aesthetic that i could really enjoy, drew me in like a moth to a neon colored flame ig looollll

30. how long hav u been scene?

i’ve only been officially apart of the community for about a few months now (at time of writing) i reckon so some things are still a lil new to me ig ^^;;

31. wats da best thing abt being scene?

the freedom of bein able to express myself 4 one thing, and its just so fun being so ‘out-there’ yknow???? it feels so great really

32. do u hav a fursona?

i…actually used to but ive moved on from the furry fandom and ive grown more attached to my human sona anyway sooo :/

33. r u in sum “cringy” fandomz?

YEA man!! i dont rlly think dr is inherently considered ‘cringey’ but undertale is and im in that one for sure!!! i also kinda technically never left the skylanders fandom(?) so theres that too ig??? oh yeah and who wants to let me draw my old moshi monsters characters COWARDS

34. do u liek plushiez?

YASSSS QUEEEN!!!! i have HEAPS of them in my room on my desk with my gonta shrine

35. do u liek stickerz?

also a big yaaassss from me dawggg!!! i love them and i love those ones that you stick on your fase like this!

its so cuuute!!!

36. do u hav a friendproject?

i dont, not at the moment a least, actually! didnt even know what it was til recently but it looks kewl haha

37. do u hav any other scene account?

well, i haz this one, and i also have an emowire account for shuichi if that counts!!

38. do u make art? (drawingz, blingeez, etc.)

YES!!! i love to draw and i also make blingee edits sometimes!!! ITS SO FUN XD !!!

39. wats da most scene thing? (anything!)

hmmm, weeell…i think the most stereotyped thing would be that kewl, suuuper big hair like this;

its really prettyyyy, and i love all that colouuur!!!

40. ask ur own randum question!!

hm, oh wowie, since the anon didnt specifically ask this one…POTATOES!!! X3

phew, finally done, that was a lot of typing! this was so fun to do though, so thank u nonnie!!! :3

#ask #ask meme #scene revival #scenecore #scene kid #scene #anon #oh god what now jasu

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khaosgaming22 · 5 years

Text

Backstory Part 1- Recording

Alright i think im ready, Chase start recording, copy and paste when finished onto memory unit 14. Heh 14... oh right im live! Hi! So if you’re seeing this, im dead, in the ground, ripped apart, fed to a Hive god. Ugh I don’t want to go out like that! Anyway, before I start rambling, because I tend to do that, trust me that’s going to happen throughout this, im gone...or ive stepped to far into the shadow of quote unquote “the darkness” whatever that is.

In other words im a Dredgen, now if there are any greenhorns out there who don’t know what that is...ask Ikora. Im not a teacher, and... oh stop- okay fine. Since my ghost is looking at me like that ill explain. Ties into my story anyway...

*Ahem*, a Dredgen is basically a guardian who has turned to the darkness and is an enemy of the Vanguard...and i guess Shin Malphur.

Now that that’s out of the way, we can move on to my story and the reason ive become Dredgen if i have...

I think it begins with a name, Aleina. Love of my life before i started glowing and shooting high powered weapons everywhere. We were in the owl sector of the city and she wanted to show me something, she dragged me into a ship and flew to an area of earth i don’t even know where. But we got there and it was the most beautiful thing id ever seen. To be fair id spent most of my life in the city and its not that pretty but I digress... She told me Malcom had showed her this place when they were on a joyride, she called it Sacramento. Still not sure what it means but whenever i think of her it goes through my mind. Also the reason I remember this was because of what happened next...

We were sitting on the beach and watching the sun go down, waves dying down slowly and coming to a rest at our feet. She was leaning on me and about to fall asleep when I said “Im glad that Im not a guardian, even if i was immortal, if you weren’t...I would have to live without you forever...”

This is the part where karma bit me in the a**. Just as I said this she took her head off me and said, “Ken, You’re...glowing???” From that point on, my life was forever changed. I was the one thing I never wanted to be, a Guardian, immortal servant of the light.

We went home to the tower after and told Malco- Oh right! Ha Ha! Im an idiot! Who’s Malcom? That’s probably what you’re wondering. Let me back up a sec, Malcom Rayez was Aleina’s adopted father. He was also the person id soon look up to when I became a Guardian, but before that happened I hated the light. I hated being immortal, I hated being a guardian and having a destiny that was already predetermined...that didn’t include Aleina...

Now that I was a guardian I figured I had to make the best of it, I learned about the 3 types of Guardians from books and Malcom, and decided to follow in his footsteps and be a hunter. I went on a few small missions with him at first, nothing big like a vanguard strike, more close to patrols. Gathering info or holding a line, that kind of stuff.

Anyway, I went with him for a long while, back and forth from the tower to the city and back to space trying as hard as I could to still be with Aleina when I could. But no matter how many patrols and enemies of the light I took out, I still hated being a guardian, I referred to myself as a slave to the light once, Malcom didn’t like that.

Even worse, the further I went with the thought of hating the light and being stripped of my life with Aleina, the more I pushed her away...

Years went by and eventually she became sick, this was around the time I started to do more interesting missions with Malcom, I wanted to be there for her but I couldn’t. Again the light had pushed me even further away from her, I couldn’t take it anymore. That’s when it got bad...

I mentioned earlier how if you were seeing this there was two reasons; 1 I’d suffered my final death, or 2 I’d become a Dredgen. This next part will finally explain all that. Back to what i was saying, I had reached the end of my rope, my leash to the light, I needed to find a way out.

Malcom was, at the time researching Luna, he had told me of a place on the moon he had seen, a massive Hive fortress. He said he could sense the darkness seeping out of the cracks, turning his warm light cold as ice. Told me how a fireteam of six guardians went to quell the source of this evil and died for good.

I figured, no one really knew what the darkness was, we just knew it was the opposite of the light. Something about doing this rubbed Chase the wrong way and I told him to leave me alone, so he did. Then I did the most dangerous, stupid, craziest thing I have ever done...

I jumped into the damn H-E-double hockey-sticks mouth. Without my ghost.

I visited the city hospital one more time before I left, she was knocked out cold, I kissed her one last time, pulled my cloak over my head and walked out. I asked Amanda for a favor, told her if anyone asked where I went tell them I went to Venus. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into but I knew Malcom would come after me if he knew where I was.

I arrived on Luna pretty quickly and landed my ship a little further from the landing zone just in case. I had read about another guardian, a titan? Maybe he was a hunter? Not important, a guardian who went to Luna and came back a changed man, a worse one at that. I think his name was Rezyl...

I transmatted my sparrow and jumped on, seeing a few Fallen Dregs but nothing I couldn’t handle, just lackeys. Soon I came to a pit, almost crashed my sparrow but braked in time, lucky. I looked into the pit, had to be at least a mile deep, no way down. No stairs, no transmat pad, no cliffs and smooth all around. Like it wasnt a formation, but made.

Fortunately for guardians we can survive long drops, but even this would take some inginuety. I grabbed my knife, turned around so my back was facing the pit, my front the Earth on the horizon, and jumped into the chasm.

I flip myself around, plunge my knife into the rocky side of the pit and start sliding down. I get about halfway down until I realize the pits bottom was solid shut. I quickly jump off the side of the wall, holster my blade and take the rocket launcher off my back. I aim the missle at the bottom and pull the trigger, the projectile races down to the bottom and blasts a hole in the hard stone. I put my launcher back and ready my hand cannon.

I make it through the hole in the bottom and its pitch black, I send some solar light to my knife and use it to see. I hear them before I see them, Thrall, tons of them, they’re drawn to my light and the chittering is getting louder. I load my hand cannon and charge toward them. The bullets that exit the chamber echo in the cavern until they find their mark.

Eventually the wave of Thrall are strewn across the cave floor and im walking over the dead hive trying not to trip over them. I keep treking through the cave and eventually get to a large room with some light. I see three Wizards trying to summon something, I decide I don’t want to know what it is and take out my sniper. I land shots on the first and second but it didn’t seem to do much and the third is summoning Acolytes to chase after me. I switch back to my hand cannon and start firing. I jump up on a ledge and take out the first Wizard as it lets out a screech that makes me pull my cloak up over my head. When the screeching ends I focus on the Wizard sending Acolytes trying to shoot at me and screwing up my aim. I load my last rocket into my launcher and aim for the head scoring a direct hit.

I move down from my ledge and throw a grenade at the group of enemies eliminating two of three problems. Then I move onto the last Wizard trying to take out my sniper but he throws a cloud of poisonous gas and I have to stop to dodge it. Then I summon my Golden Gun, I put 3 rounds into his head and he goes down. Im about to move on until I hear a rumble. I turn around to see the biggest Hive Knight i had ever seen in books or on missions, standing in the middle of the summoning circle and it looked...dark....

...You still here?

#destiny #destiny oc #destiny hunter #this is a long one #so is part 2

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breanime · 6 years

Text

What I’m Looking For

I’m doing another series! This one is separate from Bloody Secrets, and as always, I would really appreciate any feedback. The first part is mostly flashback, which is why it’s in Italics. This is pre-Anvil Billy.

(The title is from the U2 song “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”, as I just recently got into U2)

*gif not mine*

Billy dreamt about you. It made sense, he had been drug to a Broadway musical and remembered how much you used to like them, how you used to brag about knowing every word. He thought back on the group home where the two of you had met; you were always so full of energy, even on days when Billy had been in a mood, you always made him laugh. His dream was half-dream and half-memory, and he lay in his expensive sheets thinking about it, about you, as the sun very slowly started to come up.

“What the hell is that?” Billy had asked, walking into the sparsely decorated room and making a face. You had been blaring some Broadway song. You were standing on your bed, wearing a tank top and bellbottom jeans, your hair was wrapped in a towel and you were enthusiastically using a hairbrush as a microphone.

“This is RENT, you uncultured swine,” you had answered, glaring down at him from your perch. “And you’re interrupting a private concert, Russo.”

“That so?” He glanced at your roommates; three of them simply had headphones on and were painting their nails or reading a magazine, one was sleeping—somehow unbothered by the loud music, and two were watching you both with interest. He smiled, biting down a laugh. “My invite get lost in the mail?”

You put your hands on your hips and made a show of thinking very hard. “You know, I think it did. My deepest apologizes, Mr. Russo, sir. I’ll fire my assistant.”

Billy laughed then, and sat on the edge of your bed. Y/N was his favorite person in the group home. He had been there for almost three years now, fresh from his nightmare at the Ray of Good Hope group home. You were three years younger than him, but you’d hit it off right away. You had an easy humor and sharp wit about you that Billy could relate to. You’d been put into the system after your grandmother had died. Your mom was an unfit drug addict and your father died when you were still a baby. Billy had memorized everything about you; you had a scar on your back, right below your neck, where your drugged-out mother had whipped you with an extension cord when you were five years old. And even though your story—like so many others—was sad and bleak, you were always joking and laughing and dancing around the home. Billy had sat back and endured the entire 2nd Act of RENT, performed entirely by Y/N for a good portion of the afternoon. You had stopped occasionally to explain to him and a few of the girls what was going on and who was who in the plot; and your energy was never ending. This portion of Billy’s dream ended with your smile—wide and bright—as you stood on the bed, bowing at your friends’ applause. You had been so little, so skinny. Billy always noticed that in his dreams of you, how thin you had been. Your skin had a few scars on it from rough housing or all-out fights in the Home, but your eyes, always so expressive, were shining.

The next part of the dream pulled from a memory a few years after that. Y/N’s first kiss. He remembered the buzz going around the Home, it was summer and quite a few of them were experiencing their first feelings of sexuality. Billy himself had lost his virginity that same month, to the daughter of a well-to-do family that had been considering adopting him. The plans were crushed, however, the day they found Billy naked in their daughter’s bedroom. Currently, he was weighing his options between two girls in the Home; both had blossomed into attractive young ladies and both were more than willing to claw each other’s eyes out for some one-on-one time with Billy. He had always been a good looking guy—“pretty”, as some would say—but he was really starting to grow into his looks now. He had grown into his height over the year and begun working out. He wasn’t ripped by any means, he preferred to stay slim, but he was definitely in shape and aware of it. So he was enjoying himself. He just hadn’t expected you to be enjoying yourself as well.

He had been getting a blowjob from one of the girls—Billy had forgotten her name—in one of the stairways in the Home. She was busy on her knees when he glanced out the window and saw you. You 13 now, and some of the boys in the Home had started to notice that you were less cute than you’d been before and were pretty now. You were still his friend Y/N, so Billy usually just ignored the other guys’ comments or just straight up shot them down. He watched then as you leaned against a tree outside. His eyes narrowed as one of the boys—Tyler—leaned close to you. Billy hadn’t noticed him at first, but he noticed now as Tyler got close. Billy watched the couple kiss while the girl was still working at him, and clenched his jaw. You were his friend, he wouldn’t have you being jerked around by some little asshole.

It only took one brief talk from Billy to convince Tyler to back off.

The next dream was of the two of you on the roof. It was nighttime, and the moon was huge in the sky. Billy was 17 then, and he had already passed all the preliminary tests to qualify for applying to the army. He was just waiting for his birthday to receive his license, ID, Social Security card, and government check to get the hell out of there and enlist. You were going to be 15 in a few days. You had cut her hair, and it curled around your neck, dark in the night. You were wearing a big grey sweatshirt and jeans. He wore a t-shirt and jeans, and was drinking from a flask he’d stolen from one of the caretakers.

“Skyler wants to throw you a party,” you had said, your hands locked around your knees. You had been looking at the moon. Skyler was another one of Billy’s (few) friends at the Home. He was a pensive kid with dark hair and dark eyes. Both you and Billy knew he was gay, and both of you promised to hold onto his secret until he was ready to come out.

“For what?” Billy asked, softly swatting your hand away when you reached for the flask. You were still a kid.

“For you, dumbass,” she had replied, “He wants to throw a goodbye party. He said the theme is going to be ‘army green’.”

Billy laughed. “That’s appropriate.” He looked over at you, you were biting your lip now. You only did that when you were nervous. “What?”

“I just…” You looked over at him now, your teeth still pulling at your lip. “I don’t know if I’m ready… to say goodbye to you.”

“S’not goodbye,” he said easily. He was well-versed in comforting you. “I’m going overseas, not to the grave.”

“You could die.”

“That’s if I even get in.”

You scoffed at that. “Of course you’re gonna get in,” you waved a hand dismissively, “You’re gonna be accepted into the Army and make all kinds of Army friends and probably make a lot of blood money and get a nice house and move away and never look back…”

“Well, here’s to hoping,” Billy had grinned and took a sip. You rolled your eyes. “You know,” he said, looking over at her, “The Army’s not the Secret Service, we can still write and call each other.”

“You’d do that?”

“Of course,” he replied, “It’s you and me, Y/N, friends forever.”

He’d missed the way you’d sighed at his statement. “Right, Russo,” you murmured, “friends.”

A few weeks later was his party. Unsurprisingly, Billy had been accepted by the Army and would be starting basic training soon. Skyler set the party up and made sure the caretakers were bribed to leave their charges alone for the night. It had been a good night. Skyler had supplied the kids with booze, most of the older girls were climbing over each other to get Billy’s attention, and everyone was having a good time. Billy had snuck away to the roof and was drinking a beer when you approached him.

Billy had remembered thinking you looked pretty and hoped no one had made a move on you that night. It would suck if he had to break someone’s nose on one of his last nights there. Over the years he’d only grown more protective of you. He knew what most people saw, what they thought when they looked at you. He’d taught you a few moves, though, to make sure you could defend yourself when he was gone. “Party not up to your standards?”

“It’s great,” you said, sitting beside him, “Just needed some air.” He didn’t say anything, just waited for you to go on. You sighed and ran a finger through your short hair—a nervous habit you’d picked up from him. “You know that new kid? Max? He tried to kiss me.”

Billy looked at you now. You were wearing a green dress and gold earrings. His eyes narrowed as he noticed you were wearing makeup, too. “And that’s not what you wanted?” He asked. He’d seen you with Max a few times that week, had even considered having a quick talk with him before he himself went off for training.

You laughed, bitterly. “Fuck off, Russo.”

“You came up here, you fuck off,” he smirked back. “This is my place.”

“It’s our place,” you corrected, “And for the record, he’s not the boy I wanted to kiss me tonight.”

That piqued his interest. Billy threw his now empty bottle off the side of the roof and turned to you, giving you his full attention. “Yeah?” He asked. “That’s why all this?” He gestured to your made-up face.

You looked down at your hands. “I know, it looks stupid…”

“No, it’s fine,” he paused, “I mean, you don’t need it, but it looks good to me.”

“Thanks, Billy,” you said, a small smile growing on your face. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“How’d you know when it was time… Y’know… To do it?”

Billy wished he’d had his beer back. He cleared his throat, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. “Uh, I don’t know. I just knew?” He glanced over to you and saw how earnestly you were staring at him. “Jesus, Y/N, you should ask one of your girl friends about this.”

“But I want your opinion,” you said seriously, “So you didn’t know, but you just knew?”

Once you repeated his explanation he had to concede, it sounded stupid. But there was no way he’d tell you—an impressionable teenager that he had just been horny the night he lost his virginity. “What,” he deflected, “you thinking about doing it with Max?”

You shook your head. “No.” You made a face, clearly thinking. “Well, maybe for practice.”

That made Billy laugh. “You’re a piece of work, you know that, Y/N?” His laugh echoed in the night when he saw you smiling back at him. “Look, just be safe and careful when you do do it, okay? And promise me you won’t sleep with anyone tonight, alright?”

“No one? Not even you?” You;d asked. Billy was suddenly aware how close and how alone the two of you were.

“Wh—are you out of your mind?” Was what came out of his mouth.

You didn’t back down. “I meant you, when I was talking about a boy kissing me. I want it to be you.” Your bright eyes were glittering in the dark, full of determination.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen,” he said gruffly, standing up.

You followed his movement with your eyes but didn’t get up. “Why not?” He was starting to get irritated, and he was embarrassed at how calm you were.

“Because that would never happen. You’re a kid.”

“I’m 15.”

“You’re barely 15,” he countered, “and I’m not into kids.”

You decided to gloss over that comment. He’d told you about what happened to him at his previous group home. “You were younger than me when you hooked up with Kitty.” You pointed out.

“Yeah, and we were the same age.” He looked down at her and then away. “Where is this coming from, Y/N? This cause I’m leaving?”

“No,” you sounded sure, “It’s because I love you.”

Billy shut his eyes, unable to look at you when you were saying those words. He loved you too, of course—but platonically. And he’d never say it. “Stop it,” was all he said back.

“I love you,” you repeated, ignoring his demand as always, “and I’m ready to be with you.” He cursed under his breath and you sighed. “Billy, I’m serious,” you went on, “I thought about it, and you’re gonna be gone for a long time and I… want something to remember you by.”

“No,” his voice was hard, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

You gaped up at him before standing up, hands on your hips. You looked even more like the little girl he’d met years ago when you did that. “There’s nothing wrong with me. I know what I want. I want you. Do you want me?”

“No,” he answered immediately, “look at you—there’s no way!” He’d meant it as ‘look at you, I’ve known you since you were a kid’, but he knew you’d taken it differently. Your eyes welled up with tears, but he continued anyway. “I want you to get this in your head and fucking listen to me, okay: I would never fucking do…that—do anything with you.”

“But I lo—” You began.

“Stop,” he interrupted, “don’t… Don’t say that shit to me.” He turned to you then, angry and embarrassed. “Go inside and wipe that shit off your face,” he ordered you. He didn’t wait to see if you listened, he left the roof quickly after that.

In fact, he left the Group Home.

Billy put his hand behind his head, thinking back on his dreams of you. The girl he’d gone to the Broadway show with had been the opposite of you; blonde, born into money, woefully boring. She hadn’t even liked the show she made him go to. He was in-between deployments and had nothing to do. That, coupled with the Broadway show, was why he was thinking of you, he reasoned. He reached for his phone and saw that it was nearly noon. He got up, and made a quick decision. This was the 12th dream he’d had about you in the last month. He sent a quick text to Frank, telling him to let Maria and the kids know he’d be by later that day, and got dressed. He may not be an active Marine at the moment, but he had himself a mission.

****************************************************************************************

Please let me know what you think, if you’d like to be tagged in this series, and if I should post the next part. (I’m still doing Bloody Secrets, of course, so no worries if you’re waiting on an update for that one!)

Thank for reading!

#Billy Russo #Billy Russo x reader #Billy Russo imagine #the punisher #what i'm looking for

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just-a-dumb-gay · 5 years

Text

IF I HEAR ONE MORE PERSON CALL ME A GIRL AFTER I CORRECT THEM MULTIPLE TIMES! I'M! GONNA! LOSE IT!

Long rant, feel free to scroll past. Just the internet is the closest I've got to screaming into a void.

Yes! Physically I am a girl!

But I don't like it! Well, I don't like my top half. Bottom half doesn't bother me but god do I want a binder. But how many times do I have to say that I'm non binary before people stop calling me a fucking girl?!

How many damn times do I have to correct people when they use my birth name?! I correct my gran countless times yesterday, SHE EVEN CALLED ME BY MY BIRTH NAME LITERALLY 3 SECONDS AFTER I CORRECTED HER AND DIDN'T EVEN MAKE AN EFFORT TO CORRECT HERSELF!!! AND SHE DONE THAT MULTIPLE TIMES! She has a bad memory, but that bad? Oh hell no!

How many damn times am I going to explain I think more like a guy, I act more like a guy but I still don't feel like a boy or girl!?

And yestarday my gran mentioned my long hair, and my mum mentioned it needs cut (got alot of split ends, havent been able to get it cut in a while. And just generally need it cut, its getting hellishly long. Like half way down my thigh long lol) and then my gran said she wished she had long hair. I turned round confused and said "You had long hair but you cut it?". So my gran and mum started talking between themselves, and for a laugh I turned my dad and just said "Women. What are they like". And my mum fucking turns to me and says "Eh don't forget you are one!" (Or something like that). Me being me replied "Eh im the one that's gonna marry a women, that aint gonna be fun." for a laugh, and then just as I was walking out the door I quickly turned back round and went "And im not one btw!" I didn't catch my mums reaction but somehow I doubt that it was good.

The really annoying part. Just on Wednesday while on video call, they both said they were gonna start trying to call me Kayden, and obviously I was super happy. My mum even messaged me later on Wednesday saying "Hi Kayden, it was nice talking to you earlier." I was totally over the moon happy about it.

Then yesterday. Its like Wednesdays conversation didn't even fucking happen. And im sitting thinking "What kinda bullshit is this?!"

I swear, I think I need to sit down with my mum, gran and dad (they're the only 3 family members I talk to regularly. The only family member who is accepting of it is my aunt.) and just actually discuss with them at some point that I hate being called She/Her and I cannot even put into words how much I hate my birth name. But at the same time if I even suggest that, there's only 2 possible outcomes:

1 - I doubt it would happen. If I suggested something like that honestly I think id just get ignored. Or told something like "That's not necessary, just remind us more often." or maybe even "But we've known you as >birth name< for 15 years, give us time to get use to it."

2 - It happens. But everything I say goes in 1 ear and right out the damn other.

Because my mum and gran just don't understand being nb no matter how many times I try to explain it or just simply say "Im neither! Not a boy! Not a girl! Just neither!" they just don't freaking get it!

And my dad, well the nb thing doesn't bother him. And if it does, he doesn't mention it. But the whole name thing. Uuuuuuugggghhhhhh i will never forget how badly I wanted to hit him with something when I told him. Now he just avoids the topic all together. Goes silent or changes topic when I mention it. Or if i really push the subject he just says something like "We've known you as >birth name< for your whole life." or the first time I mentioned it he said something along the lines of "But that's the name we gave you so you'll always he >birth name< to me" which is the line that made me really want to hit him.

I think my gran thinks im only nb cos I spend so long online! BITCH NO! I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS JUST A TOMBOY BECAUSE NO ASSHAT EVER TAUGHT MY THERE WAS MORE THAN JUST BOY, GIRL OR TRANS! THATS ALL IVE EVER KNOWN, NOBODY EVER TOLD ME I COULD BE BOTH OR NEITHER! I ONLY KNOW IM NB BECAUSE I SPEND SO LONG ONLINE AND (if you find the right ones) PEOPLE HERE ARE ACCEPTING AND HELPFUL!!!

I get it'll take time to get use to calling me Kayden. I can accept that. But reality of the situation is, I mentioned this many months ago. And not once has a proper, genuine effort be made.

And I can accept that I'll still get called She/Her alot, because im still physically a girl and look like a girl. Hell I still call myself She/Her alot, so I can accept that mistake a little easier. Doesn't mean im totally comfortable with it, because god am I not, but it is a little harder to get use to especially around people who I don't talk to that much. And my gran finds it stupid to call 1 person by They/Them. And she mocked that before I could even say id rather go by They/Them. So that instantly threw me off even trying to bring that up, because why would I if I know I'll probably just get mocked?

Adfssafsafdsdfshsgajfjd I could ramble on more but The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 is about to come on TV and I wanna watch it.

RANT OVER! IF YOU'RE SCROLLING BY QUICKLY YOU CAN STOP NOW!

#lgbt #nonbinary #gay #people suck sometimes #advice #please #?

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