#if i fail its entirely my fault and i dont think i care

[demadogs]

hello loveliest person ever. would you consider no byler to be queerbait ?

hey bestie

if byler didnt happen i would genuinely believe that their intention was to go through with it but they dropped it or were told to drop it. because if its queerbait theyre literally doing it all wrong? the ultimate goal of baiting is to gain an audience from a selected community, in this case the queer community, by promoting the media as potential representation and yet they have done everything in their power to AVOID this with byler.

for starters the majority of queerbait is usually achieved in the marketing side of things. and yet there was ZERO joint press with noah and finn, where they could have promoted byler the most. almost all of their scenes are together but they deliberately separated them so there wasnt even a chance for spoilers about byler. that is not how you queerbait.

queerbaiting is supposed to be obvious. it shouldnt require elaborate theories, it should be thrown in our faces. this article shows a clip of a trailer from riverdale that includes a gay kiss. i think the kiss was just to distract the character, it wasnt intended to be romantic at all and yet they put it in the trailer? that was obviously for the goal of getting queer audiences more excited and more likely to watch this (absolutely fucking horrendous) show.

on the flip side!! theres also straight bait and again, aaaaalll in the marketing.

i cant even believe these are real lmao.

they did this for s3 too. theres a flash of this in the s3 trailer, which had lots of mlvn shippers thinking this was the season of nothing but love for them and yet el broke up with him in the second episode. we also get audio of mike saying “we’re not kids anymore” but no visuals that showed he was talking to will and definitely not the “its not my fault you dont like girls” line, which would have been such a clear opportunity to queerbait.

and s4 was very gay and they could have so easily grabbed a LOT of peoples attention and curiosity by adding some byler scenes in the trailer but there was nothing.

could you imagine if they showed one of these in the trailer?? they had such a clear opportunity to queerbait and they didnt.

the only thing they did include was this and i didnt even notice will the first time i watched it.

the only things we’ve seen in the marketing that relate to byler are from netflix accounts in other countries that loosely imply that they ship byler but thats literally it. and these accounts dont actually have any access to the writers room. theyre not implying or confirming anything theyre just trying to be relatable and a lot of people would relate to the post if they mention byler.

aside from them just avoiding the topic in the promotion for the show, theres also the fact that byler has inspired loads of in depth theories and analyses based on how they portray them in the show. the point of queerbaiting is to throw it in your face. “look a gay kiss! watch our show to see gay people!” the fact that we’re reading into shit like lighting, colors, music, framing, all this stuff that the ga doesnt read into is a big sign that their goal isnt queerbait. one time i got an anon that summed it up perfectly, “why would they queerbait only to gay film nerds?” and its so true.

queerbaiting should not have people thinking too hard. like the kiss in riverdale, its supposed to be shoved in our faces in order to actually achieve what theyre trying to do. not everybody has time or cares enough to read entire analyses on specific film choices, and because of that, they would be completely failing to bait people. the goal is to gain their audience and no one has been baited for this because it doesnt seem obvious that its actually going to happen.

because of all this if byler didnt happen i dont think queerbait would be the right word. itd be a whole different thing entirely and i would genuinely believe they were forced to not go through with it if it didnt happen. but i highly highly doubt that would ever happen. its netflix’s biggest show and they trust the duffers and its the last season so even if people dont like it its not like theyd lose money because people would stop watching. by then theyd already finished the whole show.

#if theyre queerbaiting theyre doing it wrong #byler #well not really anon but i made my ask tag anon and i wanna put it in there #eden answers

[mxnkeydo]

feel free to scroll past this bc its sort of long but i need to get some things out

so my parents just. like. they're so annoying. im not allowed to be on my phone, EVER, and when i get two minutes to pick it up they're like NO YOUVE BEEN ON IT TOO MUCH like i literally only used it for five minutes today??

i cant talk back, EVEN when they've got the entire story wrong and when i do tell them theyre like your fault, should've told us sooner. they scold me for the simplest of things, like accidentally spilling water. like, if my dad spills water my mom doesnt say anything but when i do she lectures me on being careless?? i know my dad has more "power" than me but we're both human beings and we both make mistakes, do we not?

the other day when i was going to bed, my mom made me clean my room from 9:30 to like 10 because "one book in my shelf was out of place" and "your clock is not facing the right way" and then she proceeded to dump all my clothes on the ground and make me fold them again, THEN criticized me when one fold was off, and then she got mad when i got upset because of that

and when they tell me to "not care about how other people think of me", i get it. they're tryna look out for me. but that's the thing, I CANT NOT CARE. my mom was a teenager too once, i dont know why she cant understand. i have to be athletic, good at school, the PERFECT daughter and student, but i can't be a try-hard or a teacher's pet. they get mad when i eat too much and they get mad when i eat too less. i honestly don't know what they want from me

i cant wake up at 5:30 for school and take an hour to get ready and i cant get up at 7 and take thirty minutes to get ready because "one hour is way too long to get ready" and "thirty minutes is not enough time to get ready", i cant leave without eating breakfast and yk what's for breakfats every morning in my house? grated carrots and cucumber hunks in yogurt, every single day without fail, because its "good for my skin" and then they get mad at me for wanting something else because im "selfish" and "greedy" for having cravings.

after my basketball games my dad gives me advice. thats fine. but then he sounds like he's angry with me and im too scared to tell him to sound a little gentler. i drove to my basketball game today with my friend's mom and her mom was so gentle with her advice i was like. damn. so that's how its done with other families. and when my dad gives me advice my mom starts jumping in with absurd comments even when she knows nothing about the game? and she's like, "if youre not doing well drop out why waste our money" like canot i enjoy something i do without being good at it??

man. im just tired. and exhausted. and annoyed. any chance im offered to get out of my house i take it. urgh.

#shit post #personal post

[book-place]

Fish Fascination

Warnings: mentions of death, hints of depression, let me know if I missed any :)

Pairings: Steven Grant x child reader, Marc Spector x child reader

Request: hi i saw your post about a platonic moon knight REQUEST •the reader is a kid(5-7 years old) and was one of the people that got blipped but her parents didn’t and had fallen into some kind of depression because their kid got turned to dust and they ended passing away and Steven moved into the flat. then when everyone comes back the reader ends up in Steven’s flat confused as to why everything is cluttered but gets distracted by Gus and the moon boys end up taking care of them when they find the reader cause they have no where to go…and if you dont mind can you make the kid slightly on the chubby side like chubby cheeks, belly, hands etc.

Request by: @nevaeh-jasso

*not my gif*

Summary: Just like half of all life on earth, you were gone for five years. But now you’re back and someone is living in your house

A/N: Gus is so underrated, and Marc loves key lime pie. Prove me wrong 😑

Please don’t plagiarize my work, you may reblog if you like but I’m asking that you don’t steal my hard work

With just a snap of his fingers, half of the people around the world lost something, while the other half were just lost.

Of course your parents knew that they weren’t alone in the matter, but it didn’t make any of it better or easier.

There were now support groups and professionals that could be seen to help anybody get through it, but your parents didn’t go to any of them. They couldn’t.

The pain of losing their child was too much for them, and only a month after the blip, they were gone.

Not that it was your fault at all. Even if you had been back sooner, you were still just a five year old kid. There was nothing that you could have done.

When you did return though, you should’ve been at least ten by then, but you were snapped right back into existence in the same room you had been snapped away from, the same age as when you had left.

You looked around in confusion, eyebrows pulling into a furrow across your forehead.

Just a second ago you had been playing with your toys with mommy and daddy, stuffed animals had been scattered all over the room.

But now, instead of your toys, there were only books. Piles upon piles, upon piles of books. Everywhere.

And there was no order to it.

Some were lazily thrown on top one another in one pile, while the pile right next to it could be so organized that it was alphabetized, not that you would know that detail.

Though you were still very confused, you were not yet at the point of crying.

So, you used your short legs and you began to move around that apartment that you had been calling home just a minute ago, but it now looked like someone had taken all their belongings and just thrown them around, destroying everything that had once been yours.

“Momma?” You called out, wandering around a coffee table, “Pappa?” You looked into the bathroom.

When you got no answer in return, it was only then that your eyes began to water.

You were just about to break down when a reflection caught the corner of your eye, causing your entire vision to direct towards that instead.

There was a huge glass fish tank in the middle of the room that you had failed to notice before, with an orange fish happily swimming around its home.

All of the tears seemed to immediately leave your eyes at once as a small grin spread across your chubby cheeks, and you quickly waddled over to the tank.

Without thinking about it, you put your chubby hands on the glass and pressed your face right up against it, trying to get as close of a look as you could to the small creature.

It curiously turned to look at you, swimming right up to the glass in front of your face and staring right back at you.

This caused you to let out a loud laugh.

You had been so absorbed in what was going on in front of you, that you hadn’t even noticed the door to the apartment swing open, and in walk Steven who was dragging his feet tiredly.

“That’s the last time we miss the bus to go get some key lime pie, dontcha think, Marc?” His British accent rang in slight annoyance out through the room, startling you slightly as you whipped around with wide eyes.

He hated key lime pie, he really did. Marc loved it though, with every bone in his body. And he had been really craving it that day, so after work he had dragged Steven over to a nearby bakery instead of the bus stop, thereby missing the last stop of the night and forcing them to walk all the way home.

Both you and Steven froze in sync.

“Steven, please tell me I’m seeing things and that there is not a child standing in the middle of the apartment.” Marc now fronted, eyes as wide as yours as he stared straight back at you.

Then the tears returned to your eyes.

“Mommyyyy,” You cried, head leaning back to face the ceiling as your eyes closed.

You placed your chubby hands to your sides and started flailing them around a bit in the midst of your breakdown.

“StevenStevenSteven,” The American man rushed out, even more freaked out than before, “What happened? Did we break her? Is she broken? Oh my god, she’s broken isn’t she? What is she even doing in our apartment? Oh my god, Steven!”

The British man was baffled. He had seen Marc Spector calm in the face of literal certain death, but the second a child started crying, he went crazy.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” Steven spoke-possibly to both you and Marc- slowly walking over towards you so as to not frighten you, “Everything’s alright, yeah? Nothing to worry about, here.”

Your cries slowly turned to hiccups as the nice looking man came closer, “Where’s mommy and daddy?” You asked.

“I don’t know.” The man answered honestly, still speaking in a soft voice, “But how about we get you something to eat and we figure it out?”

As if right on cue, your stomach grumbled loudly, causing you to look at the ground sheepishly and nod slightly in agreement, wiping your nose with the back of your sleeve.

He gently led you over to the table, quickly giving you a bag of unopened chips he had in a cabinet from Marc, and switched on the tv for you to watch as he tried to figure out what to do with you.

“Steven.” Marc said after a moment of you watching the tv as you ate, said man having stopped paying attention.

He turned them around to face the tv and he grabbed the remote to turn the volume up.

“-and it seems that just like that, everybody who had disappeared five years ago in what everybody is calling ‘The blip’ have been returned to their exact places before the disappearance, with no memory of the years that had taken place without them. As far as they know, it is still 2018.” The news reporter said into the camera, “We can thank Tony Stark, who died tragically-“

Both men stopped listening, turning away from the tv to face you, munching away happily at your food, not able to comprehend a word at such a young age that the news was saying.

“Oh god, Marc.” Steven whispered out in horror, paling, “I was told when I bought this flat that the last people who lived here died not long before I bought it, their daughter, Y/n, disappeared along with everybody else. What do we do?”

“I don’t know.” He said back, glancing over at you, still oblivious to everything around you.

“What if we… what if we were to take her in?” He suggested quietly, surprising both himself and his alter.

“What?” Marc’s voice was now the one filled with horror, not even five minutes ago you were just having the meltdown of the century, and now you were humming quietly to yourself. Talk about mood swings.

“Oh come on, Marc. Have a heart, she has nowhere to go.” He tried to reason, huffing slightly at the other man.

He hesitated, “I don’t know…”

You finally looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes, “Thank you for the snack, mister.” You mumbled shyly, not making eye contact as a tiny blush rose up onto your chubby cheeks.

“Y-You’re welcome.” He stuttered out, caught off guard by the sincerity in the politeness.

“Marccc,” Stevens' voice rang out.

He finally sighed, giving in, “Fine, you win, Steven. We can take care of her.”

The man let out a little cheer before walking over and bending down in front of your chair to be at your height.

“Hey there, Y/n,” He greeted softly, “My name is Steven, and would you be okay with me and my friend, Marc, taking care of you for a little while, while mommy and daddy are gone?”

You hesitated, not really fully understanding what he meant by your parents being gone, “Will I get to see the fish?” You asked.

He smiled slightly, “Yes, you’ll get to see the fish all the time.”

You nodded thoughtfully, “I think I’ll be okay staying with you then.”

This time it was Marc who let out a little chuckle, reaching over to ruffle your hair.

Neither of the men knew exactly what was going to happen to you, but what they did know was that for the time being, they would look out for you.

Like a Bee 🐝- @ip747 @ihatemyselfmorethanmydepression

#platonic #platonic imagine #x reader #marvel #mcu #mcu x reader #marc spector x child reader #steven grant x reader #Steven Grant x child reader #marc spector x reader #child reader #mk x reader #mk imagine #mk #moon knight x reader #moon knight imagine #moon knight

[tearskillstardust]

hii i was hoping i could participate in ur dec game <3

im an intj 5w6 libra sun pisces moon taurus rising

fav characters are zhongli, neuvillette, kaveh and alhaitham

my preferred aesthetic is dark academia

personality : not shy but just reserved around those im unfamiliar with. not very emotional either unless its with a close friend/someone im comfortable around (but i do feel very deeply). im relatively calm and overall quiet since i dont feel the need for words all the time + im philosophical by nature and i find it hard to connect with my peers due to our differences— i seek out those who have full understanding towards certain things, but i often feel as though others are often shallow with connections. i often look and analyze whatever principles something is ruled under, often questioning them internally.

from an outer perspective im often seen as outright cold but my best friends disagree, im very energetic and eccentric when im comfortable with someone, very dramatic at times as well. when it comes to things like school i just stay quiet so i dont have to deal with others LOL

words that define me (according to my bff): honest, intelligent (thanked her for this AHAH), introverted, dramatic, wise, possessive, imaginative, sensitive to those i care about, logical

hobbies : reading, writing philosophy/research and essay type of stuff, going to the theatre (for operas, specifically), learning languages, what else.. oh yes im very into history/politics idk i dont have much to say

id like to participate in 1- stellar union and 5- venus aesthetic with whoever you match me with

take care of yourself and have a lovely day<<3

1] STELLAR UNION ! ░ the genshin characters you get along most with are ...

ALBEDO !

—the chalk prince has quite the reputation for being an unintentional heart stealer. while it does bother him at times, somewhat concerned as he sometimes is to keep a reputation that is clear of such faults, he does not mind it to a great extent. with you, though, he would start questioning if he really is all that charming. he would find you ethereal upon first sight. there would be a look of serenity yet brightness on your features that would make him think of you as god's favourite canvas. your inclination towards literature and art while also maintaining curiosity and skill in the field of science and philosophy would not fail to amaze him. your empathy and natural sensitivity to others' feelings would also make him very soft.

—while the first conversation would undeniably be based on physical attraction, the more he would get to know you, the deeper his adoration for you would stretch. he would find you as the perfect companion to speak to about all his pursuits, be it science, arts or just random exchanges over topics of curiosity. he would also admire how you don't necessarily feel the desire to speak or interact and how you find solace in quiet too. he would feel understood by you because you radiate an aura of comfort. he would admire your level of balance in all pursuits, be it life or career and would also feel much more organized and in control of things when in your company. there would be mutual understanding regarding many aspects of life and work which would make you two get along very well naturally.

—you'd find him lacking in interest and passion initially, but as you get to know him better, he would reveal the more funny and humourous side of himself which he rarely shows. you would get to witness his rebellious side that intentionally researches and studies the subjects he is barred from. there would be lovely moments between you two because there would be unspoken understanding. imagine sneaking out to a park at midnight together, staying a bit too long at the lab and accidentally setting something on fire, experimenting with the recipe of chocolates and ending up making something else entirely which actually tastes better, having inside double meaning jokes, talking so much in class the teacher makes you two sit separately and then talking across the class through hand gestures, being the teacher's favourites yet the most feared ones and sharing vulnerable moments.

WRIOTHESLEY !

—yet another man who would be curious about you based on looks initially. though with him, he would find you more of a mystery, like the hidden part of the moon instead of an ethereal being. he would find you as someone unattainable and would thus ignite his curiosity. initially, there would be discord and disagreement but when you two come closer, if it ever happens that is, then you two would come to finally understand the root of each other's thinking process and develop an intimate bond full of understanding. there would be a lot of trust, from his side especially. because you both crave a connection that is deep and heart-touching, there would be an alignment of desires which would lead to undying passion from both sides. he would also be touched by how you feel everything so deeply.

—he would love how you can adjust with both sides of him; the clingy and the distant one. he would admire how you aren't all about talking even though you're amazing at it, and that you don't mind thinking rationally and keeping emotions aside. it would make him very comfortable in sharing his ideas and opinions with you and you would be a safe outlet for him. he would adore you a lot and look up to you as a pillar of support when his own barriers of patience are breaking. being someone hardworking, he desires the company of someone who can help him with stress relief, so he'd be very touched by your ability to indulge in that too by giving small messages or allowing him to sleep in your arms. while he isn't too big on it personally, he would definitely admire your penchant for literature and aesthetics and would love to share philosophies and ideas with you.

EULA !

—the first thing that would help you two bond would be your love for the arts and literature. she would find you reading a rarer book of interest to her and would immediately note your face down in her mind and look forward to speaking with you, or even vice verca. there would be great potential for the two of you to bond over similar interests and going along that line, you two would get to know each other more and more, getting closer with time. she would admire your empathetic yet practical nature and you would find her calmness and patience the best quality of her temperament.

—going along this very line, it also means that she would be more than willing to reveal her insecurities, fears and vulnerabilities to you. she would feel fun around you, as in, you would be able to bring out the more innocent, childish and fun-loving part of her that was suppressed in her younger years. due to this, she'd feel like her best self in your company. there would be freshness and fun here, and a shared element of admiration. you two would bring out the better, brighter side of each other; your inner children who are willing to hold each other's hands and explore the world together!

5] VENUS AESTHETIC ! ░ you and albedo ...

:D ! <3

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #event #anon <3

[samarecharm]

Realized that i really havent gone and talked about my shuake hcs/dynamics like. Ever. Which is a shame bc i Do like them Alot i just never interact w the (p5) tags. For reasons.

(mandatory disclaimer that i have Not played Royal 😭)

I think like w any ship that includes akiren, the depth of the relationship depends on how you present Your akiren, and how he would address/respond to the diff plot points of the game. Ignoring the way the game has an a linear path (storywise), how does your akiren deal with meeting ryuji? Meeting ann? Confronting Makoto? The pressure of high school and the reputation thats been placed upon him? Everyones got a different answer for these and i think its really interesting!

But w shuake i think it also depends on like. How you interpret Goros background and what led to him being an underage hitman for one of the most powerful men in the country. And i think the best way to determine how people characterize (woobify) him is by determining how much of his situation is his fault. The entire game is “adults failed the children/teens in their life and children/teens are traumatized because of it” and so by default, Goro is never going to be put in the same boat as the adults in this game; he is never going to be as guilty as the adults in his life. But like. He is still. Bad…hfjdndkdk

Theres like Two ways ive seen him characterized (and LITERALLY only these two ways) from people who like Goro, and its “he is my cinnamon roll and hes done NOTHING wrong” and *insert meme* “oh hes such a nice young man! Oh wait hes actually a little fucked up…”; hes my poor little meow meow…

Its this HUGE discrepancy in the way people approach his character that makes him the most susceptible to appearing ooc to almost anyone that looks for content of him. If you think hes a sweet muffin that also regrettably, occasionally, participates in murder because he Has to, you will be VERY upset to see him characterized as the literal opposite; as someone who thrives off of violence and relishes in the misery he causes. And on the flip side, if you see Goro as a fucked up creature, its wildly ooc to see him as anything BUT that.

I genuinely could not tell u what percentage of fans fall in each category (i dont go in the tags and i dont actively use twitter) but so far it feels like a healthy(?) mix of the two. I tend to fall in the latter category; reblogging art that emphasizes alot of the internal struggle he seems to be grappling with at all times. But i also see just as much art of him as your typical blushy tsundere. Which like ISNT bad obviously i feel like i need a disclaimer for that too( MOST of my goro art is him just being red in the face and gay !); there is nothing worse that fandom policing for shit that is hurting no one. Sometimes u just want to wrap up the main antagonist and go “this is MY boy….i will take care of his delicate heart…”. I just. Prefer to Not see that dhdkdnkddk

#long post #peep peep peep #rambled so much i didnt even get to talk about the boys specifically fhdkdkdk #but i am interested in like #for other people who go through the tags and look at stuff on twitter; whats the ratio for u? #or better yet; what are the other ways people characterize goro in the context of this ship ? #i only listed two bc that really IS all that i see #and the ratio is 50/50 BECAUSE i only follow like three blogs that post/reblog shuake content

[catholicjinx]

sorry for overanalyzing a blorbo when you were the one who was supposed to do that, this is your chance to go completely off the rails with whatever blorbo thoughts that've been tormenting you, I'd love to hear them

im snraling and foaming at the mouth I SWEAR THIS IS MY LAST CHUUYA POST. AND THEN I AM GOING TO BED

this is mainly stormbringer based because ive been reading it a lot lately, but i think he hated being around adam less because he was annoying but more because he was a constant reminder of his inhumanity and what verlaine is capable of

additionally everything is his fault. yippee lets get into this

right off the bat we know that adam is a robot, he can win a game of pool in under 30 seconds and go against a room of ability users unscathed. but more importantly Chuuya, a CLONE, got stuck with another non human as his protector because his older brother decided to kill him. for whatever reason. ofc adam was annoying, he followed chuuya everywhere but the more i read the more im starting to realize that hes not only getting on his nerves because he is a walking reminder of his dead friends but also chuuya fears that he will become adam in some way. if he is not human, then he must be like adam, yeah?

lippmann died because chuuya failed to accept help fast enough. hes an ignorant kid, we were all 16 once. he thought that he could go against verlaine himself and he didnt need wollstonecrafts robots to come and save him when he could manage himself just fine. of course, you cant blame chuuya for anything thats happened to him. he didnt choose this life and he couldve never known what would happen if he Did take adams help right away (another flaw in this is that adam was specifically set out to help chuuya, but adam had also mentioned if he did not accept wollstonecrafts help then everyone he loved and cared about would be punished or harmed, so he did actively ignore that but its whatevs). at the root of everything, all the deaths and incidents chuuya has been through have been directly because of - and caused - by him. consciously or not that is his fate, he makes a mistake, someone suffers because of his mistake and over half the time they end up dead.

verlaine is meticulous and will do anything to get after his targets, but something about him was just so. off in stormbringer. like something was preventing him from going 100% the entire time he was trying to assassinate chuuya. unlike dazai and fyodor, who are perfectly calculated with all of their plans --- verlaine only broke down at the last second when he realized he killed his best friend and that it was All his fault. when chuuya drowned dazai didnt even cry

which is what sets them apart. verlaine and dazai dont feel enough but chuuya has the capacity to feel way too much. hes too loyal for his own and his One fatal flaw is exactly that: in the end, his loyalty will kill him and that is also viewed in chapter 101. chuuya was loyal until the end

thisis probably so out of character but i could go ON

#bsd spoilers #theyre sooo funny i could talk about this forever

[metamagic-adept]

I want to ask you about the DND blorbo so badly it makes me look stupid. But who cares about me looking stupid please exposit at great lengths

Thank you anon!! 💖 I dont think you look stupid at all

prefacing this by saying anyone playing in this campaign with me (an impending Strixhaven one) should read no further

so. there's truly so much potential for interesting character/story hooks with the Strixhaven academic setting it makes me go feral. my current favorite one is someone's experiement/science project who got up off the table ala frankenstein. I'm looking at a mutant bloodhunter in terms of class because there's a funky blood magic professor (maybe dean?) in the Witherbloom college. the Witherbloom campus includes some very nice swamp terrain so i'm pulling crocodile/alligator-like features in to this character's design. may or may not be considering a path of the beast barbarian multiclass down the road.

and then i said to myself, "this character needs a name." and THEN i remembered the children's book "lyle, lyle, crocodile" which is a very satisfying phrase to say so i decided Lyle is a great name for this character (Lyle uses he/they/it pronouns for rn)

and then i said to myself, "but is it sad enough?" and the answer was "nope!" like many queer ppl i can't resist the appeal of playing a monstrous character who feels isolated and unlovable. i also like to joke that my favorite pcs are all fundamentally lonely in some way. however, i could also make Lyle's backstory more tragic and complicated.

so i decided that his story started with two grad students in Witherbloom trying to experiment with resurrection via alchemy instead of straight up divine magic (or even lesser necromancy). Not only were they partners in research, the two academics were also partners in life (romantic, platonic, or somewhere in-between i havent decided yet). It was promising research, too! Unfortunately it was cut short by one of them dying unexpectedly :( the other, desperate to hang onto the man they loved, used their research to try to resurrect him. It failed in returning his soul to his body. But it did put something back into his body, and that something was Lyle.

Lyle, as such, has a very complicated relationship with it's parents. Both the living one and the dead one whose body they are piloting around. The living parent loves him, but its hard when your child's face is also literally the face your dead best friend. And when that's your fault. Lyle knows that their parent wishes the procedure had brought their partner back instead of them. Lyle sometimes wishes the same; that the circumstances of his existence were entirely different. He doesn't want to die though, in fact, there is a part of them that fiercely, fiercly wants to live. And he thinks that maybe, that part is tha last remnant of their dad, urging them to keep going.

I think Lyle was also feral when it first woke up. Like, "sprinting into the swamp and unable to be found" kind of feral, or "attacking the occasional student collecting herbs" feral. "Only responds after a druid casts Awaken on it" feral. And I think at times Lyle misses the simplicity of it, of following insticts and eating when hungry and not worrying about parents or friends or wearing someone else's face (its their face too, they dont have another one.)

Lyle rhymes with crocodile, but it also comes from the old french "L'isle" meaning island or someone from an island. Talk about feeling isolated...

#thank you for letting me ramble!! #of course nothing is set in stone til session 0 or even 1. i have several different half baked blorbos who may go into rotation #so if i dont get to play lyle i at least got to tell yall about him #dnd character #ask

[lorisystem]

I feel so so miserable and dysphoric in this society ngl. I feel like i need- not even want but need to be in a place thats accepting of me and that makes me feel loved and welcome or at least. Tolerated or something and that i cant get that. I know its my problem bc so many people somehow live being themselves and taking criticism etc. But i just cant deal with unsolicited comments or aggression etc i just cant. Bear to think that people in society might perceive me to be weird. I feel like people cant be normal around the weird and weak, they just turn hostile and try to subjugate us or at best they become patronizing.

I feel like i dont belong to any community at all not even people like me theres always this or that trait that keeps me from belonging fully and no matter what i always feel like im an impostor pretending to be normal.

I know this is my own issue and im too sensitive to what i think people think of me and how they react to me etc and i shouldnt care but i cant help caring it was literally taught to me the hard way. Everytime people have wanted me so much to care about what they think always its so hard to unlearn.

Im at this point in this reaction of flight cycle where instead of trying to figure out how i could possibly find an accepting community im trying to figure out how to not be dependent on society anymore. My fantasies are turning to like going to live somewhere alone and subsisting by my own mean even if it means sacrificing things like comfort or some dignity i would aggressively protect being alone so nobody can come near me and perceive me or anything.

Obviously thats not realistic etc so. But im still thinking i cant help trying to figure how i could do that.

I just feel like i cant compromise- i cant be happy in this situation at all.

So im thinking the other way out is to die- which obviously is a thing i cant do bc some people depend on me and like. Its so so sad to die even though theres still technically hope of getting better. And its not fair. But im getting these urges and its like not even on a conscious level bc ive been suppressing suicidal urges but i have these parasite thoughts idk to do it in a way that makes it everyones problem bc i resent this society (and no individual in particular) so much and i want everyone to know that they failed and they were trash and they hurt me etc. But i cant pinpoint any specific people that i really resent. When it comes down to people who actually hurt me i think they just wouldnt understand (or sometimes care). No matter what i cant make anyone understand me or what i go through and the pain isnt going away.

And i know this is not a good way to feel or to think bc its very selfish and its nobodys fault in particular. And i have this toxic trait of when i feel bad i think its fair that everybody else feels bad too- which is bad and also i hate having this trait cause this is just what my dad does!! So im repressing thoughts like these and i dont talk about this to people around me bc the last thing i want is to actually harm someone especially if i care about them.

But yea i feel like i dont connect to anyone really. I connect to my spouse but i think its only bc we spent so much time together we attuned to each other but still. He is a person n i guess i need unconditional acceptance and love of my whole being- literally everything i do or say and i know its dumb and i shouldnt want it etc

Rationalizing doesnt make it go away though.

This spiraling was literally caused by a call from my landlord's girlfriend bc shes asking me to fill somth that doesnt matter and i shouldnt have to fill it and she was so rude bc i didnt receive her stupid email. As if its my fault?! N like. This is way more interaction ive had with this landlord than i care to have for my entire life. With these neighbors. I hate it here i hate it here!!!!!!! Theres always drama in this building!!!! I want to be left out of it!!!!!!

I feel like my life is just a nightmare that im trapped in. I have to pretend to be a human person all the time and i have to rely on my imaginary world and comfort interests to escape it all the time but when i think about it this is the only thing that makes me feel safe and accepted.

Idk why im struggling so much just feeling human and living with other people. I dont think anything ive been through is enough to justify this level of dysphoria and distress. I didnt ask for this. I just want to be left alone and live my life but that is too much to ask.

Sorry for the rant. Ill be ok though!!!!!!! Idk if anyone else feels like this but when it comes to DID i feel like for me its all about feeling unimaginable amounts of pain and still being able to function and be ok bc everything is kept compartmentalized. So in the end ill be ok n functional but ill hate it the entire time.

Anyway bye.

- ???

#lorisys #tw in readmore. #im too....................... etc to tag for anything im just feel not good. sarrey

[pinkadork]

I wasnt just tired from the game or being up late. I was tired. I could feel everything getting worse and i kept trying to cling to them. I wanted to show i cared i felt like an ass after the night before id thought on shit and thought i could make it better. I made it worse and then wanted to be hurt about it and i was just an ass. Ive been an ass. But that day i became everything i swore i wouldnt. I cemented everything negative ever said about me. I fucked up. I had been fucking up yeah but i fucked it. I couldnt get past myself and see the bigger picture. I was so caught up in being alone that i didnt even stop once to think. Nigga i hate myself. And i should tbh. I keep being like i miss them i wanns be with them but is also like.

I cant man. Not rn. And maybe mot ever. But certainly not now. I need to find out how fix myself, i gotta be able to not let peoples coping skills that they have intact, be a thing that i feel like plsys into my insecurities. I dont want the insecurities. I love them. And i feel like i always will but like. How do i even show that at this point? And even if i do show that, why does it have to be that i want ti get back with them? I should be okay with just being friends and accept thats what we need to be. I can't pretend i dont have issues, and in the same light i can't act like my heart longs for them. I hate that im like this. I feel like im always gonna be a parsite as long as breathe. People only stay around me and talk to me or wanns do things with or for me because they care right?

But its like base level, dont die, and thats my fault. I'm not trying to gain sympathy but when i talk sbout i feel like i am. I end up feeling like all im doing is seeking attention and validation. I constantly want to know shit like, do you love me, are we good, are we okay, because i always felt like i was fucking up. When shit would get to a certain point and i mean for the worse, it feel like the same thing everytime, i hurt you, you hurt me, we apologize, we press forward but no one really forgives or forgets, we held it and went back and forth and when times were "good" I'd think, man we're gonna be okay, and inevitably something would happen. Sometimes us, sometimes work. Sometimes life . Either way I've felt like i failed you the entire time anyways and then I'd get bitter when you'd confirm it honestly. I'd feel like i kept trying to make thing better and go forward to do what i can to make you happy while we were here despite everything but i didnt fucking just accept that the reason you werent happy was because you were here. It always felt like it was me you wanted to leave not here. To the point i stopped listening even when you clearly werent.

I cant go back to therapy until august, when i do theyre supposed to check me see how im doing on meds and what not. My family doesnt want me to talk to you either. I wanna talk to you, sometimes i feel like too much. But in general i love having you my life. Its weird, its probably gonna be. I wanna try if you wanna try. I wanna show i can listen. I wanna show i care. I wanna show i support you and your choices. It doesn't have to lead to what ive been wanting. I just miss talking to my favorite person. I get my ranking fell. Its fine.

#but #best #beilieve #im #aiming #top #ten

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] i am unwell. mentally ill more like. terminal my body is just failing its breaking down into miserable tiny pieces and pathetic shards you are Right you are just right. that xiao doesn't know how to live. there's almost nothing else to say than whats already said and i think about that a LOT and everyday of how the past had impacted him entirely that people just dont, they Cant understand; not zhongli not the adepti not the humans not even lumine. no one of the centuries he's out there with his own, to the point he's not. centuries out there bathed in blood that wasnt his; screams and anguish that plague his mind like a cruel symphony, a constant reminder of a fault that's never his but he still Did It. its the bitter truth that he did it, and the choice that he picked above all, his OWN choice, is that he deserves the penance until the end of his life even the calamity of dead gods power that he pulled into his body is a punishment he would willingly bear for a destructive redemption no one wants for him. no one except him, because who else would know? who else would decide for him, an act that contradicts what one wants for xiao; freedom, if there will still be else to choose for him? he doesn't know. he doesn't know how to choose. he doesn't know how to be free. he doesn't know how to live.

"people just dont, they Cant understand; not zhongli not the adepti not the humans not even lumine." YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. it hurts so fucking much and i feel like they COULD understand, if he opened up about it, if he ever explained or described it, but i dont think he would. im not sure he could. i definitely dont think he Realizes the massive impact its had on his life down to how he functions day to day and the way he perceives himself, if someone knew Everything and spelled it all out for him itd probably make sense but no one knows !!! i dont think he'd WANT to tell people, i dont think he'd care to talk about it, the past is the past it cant be changed it doesnt matter anymore. and even if he DID somehow talk about it i think his version of the story would be So Skewed Against Himself.

"and the choice that he picked above all, his OWN choice, is that he deserves the penance until the end of his life"

yeah.

anyways!

AND NO ONE ELSE CAN DECIDE FOR HIM IT CONTRADICTS WANTING HIM TO BE FREE.... im goign to expldoe iunto a million pieces this has Ruined me i will never come back from this i will never ever ever be the same ever again. i jsut had to sit here and take such a deep breath and try so hard to come to terms with the fact that He Would Never Tell Anyone he has to learn it himself they have to support him and help him to learn it himself this is something he has to do alone. god. GODDDDDDDDD.

he would though. he'll get there. with zhongli and lumine and the other adepti and the chasm crew He Will Get There he will learn how to live he will learn how to be free i am so certain. it Will happen.

#parasocial bestie tag

[kitkatcadillac]

im ngl a small part of this frustration is just that i go to like Any store just trying to find some after-sun aloe vera with a little vitamin e in it for myself and have to deftly search through a massive aisle of snake oil bullshit that promises to save your life and make your skin smoother, and often paler than a fresh marble statue.

shut up. shut the fuck up. exfoliants? okay! cool thats fine, but bro like. crushed amethyst mineral cream, detoxifying, activated charcoal moonwater what the fuck is this. what bullshit. who is preying so hard off these people for stupid status and fear points with this. i KNOW its because theres a market for skin treatments where people are feeling like if they dont have a 4739 step skin routine then they feel like everyones gonna Know somehow and theyre gonna fail Skin Care, like thats a thing you can do

listen, man. im not even attacking the skin care thing. okay? if you like it, if it makes you happy, im thrilled! thats how we get people who love what they do and learn more. but i know. i know in my heart there are people taking Advantage of that, of people whove been sucked into this mindset of thinking they HAVE to do Perfect at Skin and that magically means their skin will behave flawlessly, and if they dont its their fault.

skin is an organ. skin does things. you are not less for your skin behaving like skin. you dont need to sink money into skin products to have worth, but every. single time i so much as need hand soap or shampoo, there is nearly an entire aisle dedicated to trying to convince me its like that.

#i am so furious fkskf #when i shop anywhere and they use Cookies and get Information #skin care and beauty products. #when i tell them id rather not say. skin care products for him & her. #i say im male. heres a face roller and triple digit price tag face care set for your girlfriend. #heres also makeup thats skin colors so you can look paler and hide your awful hideous skin you afab freak. #unbelievable. im losing my mind i cant take it #skelly speaks #body image // #god normally im fine im normal about it but man. sometimes the dysphoria days hit and im like cool! i cant leave the house or else fkskf

[selamat-linting]

not to stigmatize mental health but im always a little resentful over my friend since she manage to actually get therapy. like, idk. my other friend, my bestfriend, they had all sorts of shitty things happening to them and i havent been able to help them get therapy. sometimes they cant even move from the combination of panic attacks and chronic illness and both of us are helpless to stop it.

and me personally, have a lot of nastiness inside. but i dont think therapy could fix it. idk man but cbt wont fix the fact that for a majority of my short life i had to choose if i want to eat or pay for bus fare. therapy wouldnt make me any less angry that my dad is doomed to be a meth addicted asshole from the get go and the only thing people are willing to do to help him is to lock him up for an entire decade. breathing exercise wouldnt change the fact that i had to parent my little brother as a kid and he had to drink sugar water instead of milk when he was a toddler. like, fuck you dude. a positive attitude wouldn't erase the years eczema rot my fingers to the point that my nails were chipping off!!! therapy would not delay the climate change collapse.

and like, me and my friends, and a lot of my acquaintances, we cant get proper care because we had to lie that we're cishet. even though a lot of our traumas came from microagressions and hatecrimes. so whats the point of going to therapy if the therapist wouldn't even take care of the elephant in the room? pursuing therapy is a bet with no obvious payoff to most of us.

and then i see this girl, middle class, good grades and an immaculate appearance. she doesn't even look like she ever spent a week not showering. still in college with a part time job tutoring children but she somehow has enough money to pay for therapy, hang out at fancy cafes and becoming a coffee conniseur. she wears a hijab, she pursues higher education, and had a convential nuclear family. i can imagine a therapist looking at her and think, "oh she did everything right. poor girl just have several hormonal imbalances and a few life's tragedies in need of fixing" instead of victim blaming her for poor habits and saying that the reason she's so miserable is that she's a degenerate or a poverty stricken fuck who should have made better financial choices instead of going to therapy. she toes the line between conformity and productivity and it made her sympathetic and respected as a patient. meanwhile the worst thing that ever happen to her is that she's a victim of a toxic boyfriend.

look, im genuinely happy she gets help. im actually sorry that she had to go through an awful relationship that gave her nightmares. i dont doubt that she needs the help. im happy therapy and mental health is less stigmatized and its not her fault psychiatry still fails most people who need it. but, you understand where my resentment is coming from right? you understand why i have this ugly feelings when she gets better? its irrational, and i refuse to act up on it. but, the resentment is there. the feelings of unfairness is there.

#post that will get me doxxed

[ethicallysourcedhumanmeat]

it's not that i dont care for my parents or respect what they do for me. I think the fucked up thing is how much i care both about them and what they think despite my entire life.

I went to nyc for a concert the 9-11, I tested positive for covid the 17th. the 8th i tested negative (req to cross the boarder), I had a sore throat/nasal drip.

the 9th i was a close contact via 2 of the band members at the fansign (they were asymptomatic tested positive the 11th and 13th), i was masked, byunggon did get really close while we were talking.

the 10th i was masked at the concert, the people around me were masked none coughing or symptomatic, no reports of positive cases from the concert (there were from the LA one tho)

the 12th negative same symptoms plus hives

the 13th, same symptoms, didnt test, my Dads friend visited and he tested positive the 15th.

the 14th i was losing my voice, sore throat worsened, significantly congested, negative test, hives

15th same symptoms negative test

16th negative test, no voice, no fever, congestion moving to chest, nasal drip, hives

the 17th i had fever, no voice, cough, hives, nasal and chest congestion, tested positive

18th mom tested positive, mild congestion, headache

the 19th Ace had a fever and headache, tested positive.

dad tested positive yesterday Des today.

this is all my fault apparently, because I'm inconsiderate and selfish and you just a generally bad childish person. My friend who also went to the concert/fansign and shared a bed with me those days, went everywhere I did, did not get covid, we had an actual exposure in our home after i got home, not to mention i work at a fucking grocery store, but I got this bc i went to NYC for a concert

i am so tired, i listened to an hour long lecture on my personal failings, you know bc this is my fault obviously, and how I am taking advantage of them you know like financially and shit despite the fact that they will not take more money from me when i offer. Which is why for two years I have been overpaying my 'rent', sometimes doubling it, without telling them bc they would pay me back. like I buy all the groceries, and i pay for most of my own things out of my own money even tho per our agreement my rent should cover them, i only ever quote her 1/2- 2/3 of the grocery bill when she is paying me back for her part in groceries. they have no idea that whenever one of them was laid off I paid fully for the groceries for the whole house, even when i wasnt getting child support, and the whole time listening to my father constantly accuse me of not paying fully. not saying anything because of THEIR pride lmao

i dont want this house, that they've wasted like 100k on, nothing short of jacking it up and actually pouring a foundation will save this place and it probably cant handle that bc its 200 years old. If I get this place I would demolish it and convert the garage and yes fucking sell it.

[thek0dy]

me finishing this up: (:

the two exams i have tomorrrow: x:

#keith kogane #voltron legendary defender #voltron #vld #fanart #my art #if i fail its entirely my fault and i dont think i care

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

#purity culture #sex talk #christianity #sex and relationships #sex and religion #mylife #answered asks #aspec #cw sex

[i-cant-sing]

I wonder what would happen if Y/N had a really bad day and just decided to pick a sibling from the Yan!Todoroki clan like a cat would pick its person and just?? Sit in their lap?? They'd say 'I had a terrible day, no torture today please' before taking their well-deserved nap lookin' all cute and peaceful. Then the sibling would be so proud and confused at the same time but really really happy like 'omg for real? Me? What's happening?? 🥺'. Bonus points if it's Dabi just having the widest grin on his face while staring straight at the rest of the fam seething with jealousy.

I saw your works btw and been inhalin em all cause they're all so good *chef's kiss*

-Vibin' anon

Yandere Dabi comforting sister reader

This is so cute omg. Thank u Vibin anon!

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Yandere Dabi:

Shotou had come to pick you up from school today. Even though he had a busy schedule himself, he still made time for you, just like the rest if your family.

"How was school?" He asked.

"Fine."

"Just fine? Wasn't your result supposed to come today?"

You nodded. "It did. I passed."

Shotoy smiled. "Thats great. Did you get your report card?"

You knew he was going to ask for it. You also knew that he already knew what grades you got.

You nodded and handed him the report card from your bag.

Shotou's face lit up when he saw your grades.

"You're first again. I'm so proud of you." He patted your head.

You smiled. "Thanks."

By the time you guys reached home, you already knew that your entire family was home. They always were when your result came. You knew the principal had already informed Enji of your grades, she always does.

When you entered the house, your family yelled "surprise!" You feigned shock as they hugged you and congratulated you on your achievement.

Rei had prepared a little feast for you, everything was made from scratch. Enji was beaming with joy, he was so proud of his little girl. Rei had made your favourite cake, kissing your cheek as you cut it. Enji had gotten you beautiful diamond necklace. Natsuo, Shotou and Fuyumi had gotten you some gifts as well, stuff you had vaguely mentioned about. Dabi wasn't home, but you didn't mind his absence.

Your family had planned to spend the night on the couch cuddling and doing a movie marathon, but when you asked them to excuse you for the night because you were feeling tired, they became a but worried. You reassured them that you just had a long day at school as well, and now that you were stuffed with Rei's delicious food, sleep was inevitable. They nodded, a bit sad that you wouldn't be joining, but understanding nonetheless.

You went up the stairs to your room, and as soon as you closed the door, the smile you had been displaying all night was wiped off.

You sat on your bed and recalled the events of the day. Tears pricked your eyes, but you kept yourself quiet. They're not worthy crying over, you reminded yourself. Still, you couldn't help but crumple up your report card and throw it in the dustbin.

Silent tears fell from your eyes, no longer being able to hold them in. God, its infuriating.

Suddenly, you heard someone knock on your bedroom door. You looked at the clock. 12 am.

Its Dabi.

You couldn't deal with him tonight. You remained silent, hoping he'd leave you alone.

But of course not.

You quickly turned away from the door as soon as you heard it open. Wiping your tears quickly, you heard Dabi come in.

"You brat. Why didn't you answer when I knocked?" He asked, pushing the door close with his foot.

"Leave me alone, Dabi." You were trying hard to stabilise your voice.

"Huh?! Is that anyway to talk to your favourite brother?" Dabi mocked as he pulled at your ponytail. You yelped before turning around to push him away.

Dabi was about to laugh at you when he suddenly noticed the your face. Your eyes were full of tears, lashes heavy with them. Your face was flush, your nostrils flared, your lips in a pulled in a tight scowl. Had you been crying? Or did he make you cry?

"Hey, I'm sorry-"

"Just leave me alone." You said as you angrily wiped the tears from your face.

Dabi was shocked to see you like this. He had never seen you cry, not even when he took his teasing a little too far. So, to see you react like this, it worried him a bit.

"Have you been crying? What's the matter? Did you fail or something?" His voice actually held some concern.

You shook your head, pulling your ponytail loose. "Its nothing. Just leave."

Dabi could see the pain in your eyes. What happened? He plopped down on your bed next to you. "Come on. Tell me." He poked your shoulder. "You know I won't leave until you tell me."

"Its nothing, really." You sniffled, avoiding his gaze.

"Did Enji say something?" Dabi asked, his voice taking a dangerous tone. "Look at me. Did he do something?" He's going to kill that bastard if he-

"What? No. God, just go."

Dabi let out a huff. He'll have to use another strategy. "Fine. Don't tell me. I'll just tell Shotou you have been crying, and then you can answer to him."

Shotou? God, he would just overthink everything and do something stupid.

You caught his wrist just as he was about to leave. "Do you have to be such a jerk every single day?" You glared daggers at him.

Dabi smirked before pulling his wrist away and plopping on the bed next to you. "Yes. Big brother privileges." He poked your cheek. "Now spill."

You looked at him, hoping he'd just get blasted magically. Idiot.

You inhaled deeply before closing your eyes. "Its stupid, really." Dabi stared at you, signalling for you to continue. "Something... happened at school." You paused. "Just a couple of assholes."

Dabi was attentive now. "Go on."

You looked down at your lap, playing with your fingers. "Some kids in my class... they said mean things about me."

"Bullying?" Dabi quirked an eyebrow.

You shook your head. "I- I don't think so. They just said that I only get the highest grade in class because of my dad. Like Enji bribes the school into giving me good marks." You sniffled. "They undermine me. They say I'm not good enough to be in their school, and that the only reason I got in was because of my surname."

Tears dripped down your face slowly, almost as if they were ashamed to fall.

You wiped them away harshly. "And it doesn't matter what I say. I've tried to befriend them, I've tried to get along with them, but they still ridicule me. Its frustrating. They... they don't understand that my only option is to be the best." You whispered the last part, but Dabi heard you loud and clear.

He sat up and gently gripped your chin, turning your face towards him as he narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean 'its your only option'?"

You rolled your eyes. "You know what I mean. I know that no one in the family cares if I get the highest marks or not but...I still have to live up to the family name. What will people say if the number 1 hero's kid is both quirkless and dumb?" Your lips wobbled.

Oh. Ohhhh.

You don't want to let down the Todoroki name; you don't want to let down Enji.

He already knew it was that shithead's fault.

Dabi sighed before pulling you close to him. Placing an arm around your shoulders while his other hand wiped your tears away.

Wanting to prove your worth, that you're a valuable asset to the family. Dabi never thought he'd see himself in you, or his younger self really.

"You're an idiot." Dabi began, carding his fingers through your hair. "You don't have to be the best. You're not expected to. You know, the family knows, hell even I know how hard you worked to get in that school. I've seen how you'd do all nighters, how many times you've turned down going out so that you could do well in your exams. But you don't have to do that." He tilted your chin up, staring into your glossy eyes. "We don't care what the public thinks of us. We won't care if you fail. We don't care you're quirkless. You're not expected to be anything but a good girl." He squished your cheeks together, making you look like a fish. "You just need to be safe. Do you understand?"

You sniffled as you nodded. "Yes. Thank you."

Dabi smiled. "Why didn't you tell anyone before?" You shrugged in response. "You know what would've happened if I said anything. They're already hesitant to let me go to school, this would just give them another reason to homeschool me. Besides, I didn't let their words get to me before, so it really wasn't a big deal." Before? You were about to continue but then kept your mouth shut. But Dabi saw that. He pulled you away from him, his eyes turning sharp as he raised his eyebrows. "But something else happened today as well?"

You averted his scrutinising gaze, keeping your lips sealed as you shook your head no. "Do not lie to me. Or I'll tell Shotou and Enji and then they can handle-"

Your eyes widened. "Do you ever stop making threats?" Rolling your eyes, you told him what happened. "It wasn't anything serious. One of those jerks... thought it'd be funny to try and kiss me. When he tried to force me, I slapped him. Really hard. My handprint still on his face." You smiled at that. "He said the only reason he wasn't using his quirk on me was because I was Todorokis charity case. Then he said that I should be grateful that he was going to kiss me, especially since no one cares about a quirkless, frigid bitch like me." You let out a humourless laugh, but Dabi could see the pain in your eyes. You gave a small smile. "Dont worry. I already know what they said isn't true."

Thats it.

Dabi was already planning murder. He's going to make those little shits pay for what they did to you. The nerve to not only bully you, but make you cry, and then touch you? Dabi is gonna make sure they get tortured in every way possible before he incinerates them-

"Dabi?"

Your soft voice pulled him out of his violent thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"Can you... stay the night?"

He looked at your tear stricken face, your eyes were still laden with tear drops, your nose red from all the sniffling.

How could he say no to you? You looked ugly.

"Its okay. You don't have to-" you were cut off by a pillow hitting your face.

"Move over, brat." He climbed in the bed with you, covering you both with the blanket. "And don't put your cold feet on mine." You smiled cheekily at that.

"Don't hog the blanket- why do you need it anyway?"you yanked the blanket.

Dabi pushed another pillow on your face, laughing as you punched his shoulder. "You're insufferable."you mumbled.

It took a while to get comfortable on your single bed, but it ended up with your head on his chest, while Dabi propped himself against the headboard.

"Thank you." You whispered.

Dabi hummed. "Dont think I don't know why you're doing this."

You smiled softly. He caught on to why you were keeping him home that night; you knew he would do something terrible to those guys. "Promise me you won't hurt them?"

Dabi remained silent. You pulled your head away to look up at him. "Dabi. Promise."

When he didn't reply, tears started forming your eyes. He sighed, before shoving your face back into his chest. "Fine, crybaby. I won't hurt them. Promise." You're such a brat, stopping him from doing his big brother duties.

You went back to snuggling him, not taking long for you to finally go to sleep. Once Dabi made sure you were asleep, he pulled out his phone and texted Toga.

"Need a favour. Up 4 stabbing?"

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