#if i had the patience i'd full on draw him but. i do not.

[silentglassbreak]

Anonymous

Noah Sebastian x OFC

-

K listen, I've haven't written any band FF in a LONG LONG LONG time, mkay? But Bad Omens...Noah Sebastian...mmmph. Let's see how far we get here. If you enjoy, let me know. If you want to be tagged in the next part, let me know that too. If you even so much as take the time to read MY SINCEREST GRATITUDES CAUSE WRITING THIS STUFF IS MY ESCAPE. xo

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, overall abuse, mild violence (ie. bar fights), smut, swearing, and altogether just a lot of fuckery.

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Part 1 - Burning Out

Work had been long today. Longer than most days. The customers screaming at me had only taken it's toll so much, but having a God awful supervisor who was hell bent on making me late for my meeting, knowing full well how important my twice weekly meetings were, had completely wiped my energy and patience in one fell swoop. Needless to say, I was in no mood for excess attitude or traffic today. Which is why I found myself cursing at the jackass in the SUV in front of me, taking at least a year to make a right hand turn into the close to empty parking lot where the meeting was being held. It took the last of my self restraint to not lay on my horn and flip a specific finger at the driver.

Finally reaching the normal parking space in front of the unmarked office building, I silently breathed a sigh of relief. I had made it, only 2 minutes later than I should be. I began scrambling for my energy drink and my bag before shuffling out of my car and pressing the fob to hear the beep of the alarm set. My poor beat up Tahoe was doing her best, so I never took my frustrations out on her.

As I crossed the parking lot, I whipped my head around to gauge the spaces, noticing all of the regulars were already here, meaning I was the last to arrive. Sucks, given I'm the meeting organizer. Something caught my eye. A vehicle I didn't recognize, a black SUV. The same one who apparently can't make a right turn to save their life. Newbie? The rest of the offices were closed for the day, so I can't see why else they'd be here.

The building is always so quiet at 6PM, so the tapping of my chucks on the tile floors is louder than I'd like, drawing attention to my obvious lateness. (To who?). Didn't matter. I felt ashamed. These meetings are the most important facet of my life right now. I needed to be more punctual. Maybe next time, I'll tell Supervisor Sam to fuck right off like he deserves.

"Guys, I am so fucking sorry. Douchebag sup made me late...again." I announced as I backed into the door, opening it, and heading straight to the table to pull the Crumbl cookies out of my bag and setting them next to the water cooler and Keurig machine. I always brought sweets. It kept the cravings away.

"No worries Leena, we've just been chatting with the new guy." I turned around to see Abel, my veteran, who was gesturing to someone I didn't know.

I went around the circle of chairs, counting off my regular faces, some newer than others.

Abel, Rodger, Syd, Seth, Ali, Jackson, Mark, and Jillian.

However, sitting between Abel and Jillian was a newcomer, who currently had his back turned, slumped forward in his chair. Brown hair, longer than the hat he wore, black sweatshirt and dark blue jeans. Black sneakers. Hood up. Guarded, uncomfortable. What little of his hands I could see kneading together, they were completely tattooed. Even at Abel's mention of him, he didn't turn to face me.

"Oh! Well good! Great job guys. We can go ahead and get started." I grabbed my clipboard off the table, and rounded the group and took my normal spot next to Syd. By the way her hair was pulled back and her face looked dry and sullen, I could tell we had some things to talk about today.

"Well, my new folks don't typically like to talk first on their first day, but just know, that you being here is only the beginning. And we are all here to welcome you to our group. Right, guys?" I directed my statement toward the stranger, who I now can see more clearly. His face is pale, with the exception of the dark circles rested comfortably above his cheekbones. If I were to take a guess, those had been there a while.

The rest of my group nodded, with several of them giving a quick 'That's right.' and 'Welcome in.'

"I'm Leena, the group coordinator. I can answer any questions you may have?" The stranger just peered at me with dark eyes and shook his head. "Okay, we can jump right in, then."

I could feel Syd next to me bursting to talk, so I looked to her.

"Syd, do you want to get us started today?" She only nodded, wiping some stray tears forming on her cheeks.

Syd was such a beautiful girl. Only 21 years old, it was amazing that she found the strength to come to us so young, and work on turning her life around. Her neon blue hair was knotted on top of her head, and she was picking feverishly at her sleeve of her sweater. I could feel what was coming. I always could.

"I...I fell off the wagon." I only nodded, knowing. She had missed three meetings, and unless someone forewarned me about vacations or work obligations, it almost always meant they were on a bender of some kind.

"Okay," As her tears began pouring, I reached over and ran a hand up her arm. There was a reason I sat Syd right next to me. She had been one of my newest, and biggest challenges. Overcoming the demons was an every day, every moment, every second battle that she was still very much fighting. "It's alright honey. We're all here to support you. No one is judging."

She went on to explain she had began with a mimosa at brunch with her friends, who didn't know she was in recovery. She didn't want them to know, so she tried to just sip. It didn't work. It never does. The one drink lead to a blackout weekend and three days in jail for public intoxication. She lost the job she had just gotten at the local DMV. Syd was going through it. She would need Seth, her sponsor, more than usual right now. He was on the other side of her, clutching her hand as she cried.

Once Syd had finished her confession, and emotionally put her 30-day coin back in the jar, we moved on to Seth.

One by one, through the circle, we heard everyone's stories of recent achievements and sorrows. Challenges and victories. Their ongoing battles. Once Jillian finished telling us about her recent trip to Vegas with her friends, where she managed not to have a single drink. We applauded her, because we all knew how much restraint that took.

I would steal occasional glances at our guest, whose eyes would also glance back at me once in a while, but mostly followed the speakers, never moving in his chair, stoic as cement. This isn't uncommon for people coming here for the first time. It's not easy to do, and it's wildly uncomfortable at first.

However, the circle was now all looking at him, and a look of almost panic flashed across his face.

"Is it on me?" His voice was deeper than I expected, with a clear rasp to it that told me all I needed to know about his history. He belonged here, and we were glad to have him.

I nodded. "How much you tell us is entirely up to you, but all I ask is you at least tell us your name, and why you're here."

He bit his bottom lip, eyes cast at me from across the room, looking up through long, dark eyelashes. "I have to say it out loud?"

"That's one of the first steps." I kept a soft smile on my face. Being warm, and understanding was my entire job here.

Abel's elbow nudged the stranger, who glanced at him, encouraging him. "No worries man, we've all been here."

A hard sigh left his throat, ending with a sharp cough.

"My name is Noah. And I'm an alcoholic."

****

Once the meeting had ended, I was stacking chairs back against the wall, prepping the room for the next meeting, NA. They had their own setup, and would be in here in about 30 minutes. Most everyone had left, with the exception of Abel, Syd, and Noah. Our newest AA member had been pretty tight-lipped about himself, only admitted to being 27 years old, and in the entertainment industry. He didn't elaborate further. That was just fine. If he kept coming, we would encourage him further, but AA was all about getting you through it at your pace. As long as you didn't drink, I was happy.

I was putting away the leftover cookies, planning to take the last couple with me to work tomorrow for a snack. I happened to catch a glimpse of someone leaving the restroom, and I noticed it was Noah. Everyone else had left only a couple minutes ago.

"Oh, hey!" I waved at him to come over. He paced his tall frame over to me, towering over me easily. He had at least a foot of height on me, which was hilarious, given I was a year older and 3 years sober myself.

"Hey, thanks for having me today. I didn't know if you could just come to these things." I slung my bag over my shoulder, smiling at him.

"C'mon, I wanted to chat with you before you left." We made our way out of the building as Angie, the NA organizer walked in past us, smiling at us both.

We reached the parking lot, my green Tahoe and the same black SUV being some of the only vehicles left. It dawned on me that he drove the SUV. Well, he may need a driving lesson, but he seemed nice enough.

I turned to face him before heading for my car. "Have you talked to anyone about being a sponsor? The only requirements I have is that they have been sober at least 6 months. Almost everyone in our group is, with the exception of Syd and Jackson." I could see him chewing his lip, his fingers fiddling with his keys.

"No, I...I didn't think about it." His eyes were looking everywhere but at me.

"Noah?" I asked, trying to get his attention. "Do you know what a sponsor is?"

This drew a short, burst of a chuckle out of him, his lips curling in a sheepish grin while he shook his head. I saw his frame relax for just a second, his arm reaching to scratch the back of his neck.

"I don't." I nodded, chuckling myself.

"No worries! I didn't when I started either." I waved him over to the bench perched just outside the building. He followed me and we sat. "A sponsor is someone to keep you straight. Someone who will keep your head on when you feel like you might fall off." He was listening, eyes fixed on me. "This is the person you call when you want a drink. They'll talk you down, distract you. Support you." He nodded, understanding crossing his features.

"Do they have to be a member of the group?"

"No, not necessarily, but they do need to be sober. A sponsor is no good if they are drinking and setting bad examples."

"Makes sense. I'll think on it." I stood up then, stretching up on my toes to flex my legs that had been sitting most the day. He stayed sat, now looking up at me.

"I do need you to have a sponsor by the next meeting on Thursday, though. Have to have one by your second session. And if you don't have one by then, we can get someone in the group to sponsor you, no problem."

He raised a brow at me, a smirk on his lips. "Didn't you say you only had one rule?" This threw me off. Smartass? It was innocent, I could tell, but a joker. Hadn't had one of those in a while.

I laughed it off. "Well, I only do for your first day. There are only a few rules to AA, but they're pretty much common sense."

He stood then, towering me once again. "Can you tell me anyway? I don't want to fuck this up." We then began walking back towards the cars. When I walked toward mine, he followed. It was dark already, so I didn't mind. This was LA, after all.

"Well, the first is obvious, no drinking." I popped my driver door open and flung my bag in toward the passenger's side. He nodded at me and leaned against the rear door of my truck.

"Second, no coming in drunk. As obvious as that may seem, you would not believe how many people I've kicked out of the meeting for showing up mid-bender." He raised his eyebrows. "As much as I'd like to keep and eye on them, it's not good for the other members."

"No, for sure." His tone was even.

"And lastly," I then looked straight at him, so he knew how serious I was. "don't ever lie to me." I could see him straighten just a little, feeling the seriousness of what I was saying. "If you fell off, admit it. I'm not judging. I did, so many times. But if you lie, you're out." I then took a step closer, if only to make my point, "Because I always find out."

He kicked off from my truck, his body less than six inches from mine. He looked down at me, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

"Yes ma'am." I felt a twinge up the back of my spine. It was a little warm all of a sudden, and my mouth was dry. I stepped back, and was able to regain my brain.

I smiled brightly at him and swung myself up into my truck. Before I slid my legs in, I looked at him, now almost at eye-level.

"Great! I'll see you Thursday, then!"

#noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian #bad omens fanfiction #fanfic

[junowritings]

Hello! If you could do another matchup with Gale, since you mentioned that you nearly shipped me with him too, I'd really appreciate it! Thanks so much sweetie ^-^

I'm an autistic girl who also has adhd, asthma and chronic joint pain. I work as a librarian currently and am simultaneously very smart and scholarly and also full of energy. I'm definitely the sunshine person in a group, I love taking care of people and I'm very good at making other people laugh, I have a very dry witty sense of humor. I'm also super short, 4' 10"/147 cm, but I can get kinda insecure about it when dating. I have a very boyish style, long wavy auburn hair that floofs up around my head, glasses and I'm pale and covered in moles and freckles. I also love being out in nature, and if I can't be I bring nature to me, I have tons of houseplants.

Thank you so so much, have a great day!!

Sorry this took so long hun! Had to take a quick break from working through matchups but I'm hoping to get a couple more done so thanks so much for your patience on this~!

With that being said here's how I think things could go with...

I know we talked about how Halsin would appreciate you, but we know who else would love you - Gale!

The lovestory here damn near writes itself, especially given your current occupation. I mean where better for Gale to stumble upon love than a place teeming with potentially valuable and intriguing knowledge? More than likely this is where the two of you first cross paths - perhaps he’s come in looking for information on whatever subjects got his head racing with a thousand and one questions that need answers; or maybe he’s searched high and low for a specific subject material and this is his next stop in the hopes of finding it. Whatever it is, the guy comes for books, and stays for you. Because gods if his first meeting with you doesn’t stop the wizard in his tracks.

Your sharp mind is absolutely the first thing that draws him to you. You match his conversation topics and questions with a certainty and enthusiasm that speaks highly of your quick wit. You’re eager to indulge him as well, a welcoming ear to pass the time as you work,and because you seem to actually enjoy listening to him talk. Perhaps he gets a little carried away talking your ear off, but you don’t mind do you? What really gets him in the end is the smile that you flash at him before he leaves. That smile of yours is blinding, like the sun itself crinkles in the corners of your eyes and the curve of your lips when it's directed at him.

Of course he finds excuses to come around after this, both before and after you’re together. If it’s before then it’s all under one pretense or another.  Oh, he just so happens to be out of interesting reading material! Perhaps you could recommend some to him? Or he needs some help finding a specific tome and the aisle that it’s located in (as though this man doesn’t know any library like the back of his hand by like the third visit - I mean this is Gale we’re talking about.) Even after you pair get together he’ll make a point to come and see you, but he’s far less subtle about wanting to do it just to see you - spending time with you on your breaks and departing with a kiss or two as an incentive to help you get through the rest of the work day. 

Okay this is a personal hc but I’m pretty sure that Gale often deals with joint and back pain himself, so he understands a little of what you’re experiencing. When the chronic pain becomes overwhelming he’ll insist on you resting, attempting to ease the aches in your joints as best as he can with the stuff he keeps on hand at home. Goes overboard with research into spells that could help to offer a modicum of relief for your pain, or find a potionmaker who can give you something to ease the severity of the discomfort that you’re in. Whatever it takes to take some of that pain away from you Gale will do it - he can’t help but worry that whatever he’s doing isn’t enough sometimes but the sheer care this man puts into your wellbeing means a lot.

You say you love making people laugh, but you know what Gale loves more? Hearing you laugh. He’ll always throw in your jokes with a couple of his own; granted most of them are groan-worthy and some downright terrible, but so long as they get a smile out of you he considers it a job well done. Just about melts at the sound of your laughter, as though your laugh alone is enough to make him fall all over again. Gets this love struck puppy look in his eyes drinking in the sight, but he will fluster if you ask him what he’s looking at.

Another guy who understands that while it’s a sweet thing that you enjoy caring for others, sometimes you’ve got to take some time to yourself. If Gale sees that you’re potentially overworking yourself he’ll just straight up guide you away from it, gently assuaging your protests or worries with assurances that whatever you have to finish will always be there once you return. That being said he is a huge hypocrite of losing time in his own work and needs to be reminded sometimes that he needs to take breaks, so hopefully you’ve got that down pat with the tactics you know to lure him away from what he’s doing. Also Gale strikes me as the kind of partner who would come prepared with the little things that come through in a pinch. Considering you wear glasses I just know that he’d carry some cleaning cloths for them around for you. You don’t always need the kinds of things he brings along, but the little proud ‘aha!’ he lets out when you do need them is just too cute. 

Another 👏freckle👏appreciator👏. He’ll try to be smooth, pointing out patterns on your skin that match constellations and patterns in the stars that he recognizes, offering to trace the shape of them along your freckles to show you the similarity. Really it’s an excuse to cuddle up next to you and bask in your warmth as his fingers glide over every freckle and mole that you’ll allow him to touch. Good luck if you’re ticklish; he'll try to feign innocence if you laugh or squirm when his hand slides over any ticklish parts, but there’s no way he can keep a straight face about it, trying to hide his smile in the crook of your shoulder.

Gale is very much a ‘bring the nature to him’ kind of partner, in the sense that he’s far more on board with bringing the aspects that you love from the outside back into a far more familiar environment. And who doesn’t love being able to nurture your love of nature in the comfort of you own home? He’s had one or two plants at his home that are mostly self-sustaining, but as time goes on and you begin to integrate yourself more and more with his life, this number will quickly multiply. Hanging plants become especially prevalent throughout the entirety of his home, both because they don’t run the risk of accidentally being knocked over, and because the life they breathe into the place makes his tower feel a lot homier and cozy. Will tell you now that Gale WILL have plant favorites - he will get invested in its care and will keep that thing on his favorite windowsill with adequate access to necessities. (you may have also caught him using his magic a couple of times to give the lil thing a boost when he thinks you’re not looking - a fitting use for a master of the weave I’m sure.)

#baldurs gate 3 x reader #bg3 x reader #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale x reader #bg3 gale x reader #bg3 gale #bg3 match up #baldurs gate match up #juno art #tolkien-fantasy

[soleilnomoon]

could i also order a mocha latte with a chocolate (carmel) mousse with some poppy seeds! he/him ftm with eren pls💖

૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა ty for your patience, this was a lil labor of love. also i love a good fake dating trope!! and eren, i love him sfm (obvy but yk) 💗💗it's probably more angst than necessary but that's just how i live my life.

2.8k words, ftm reader (he/him pronouns), nsfw, 18+ mdni; hurt/comfort, angst~, smut obvy, some fluff if you squint real hard; modern au feat. fake dating/marriage of convenience, arranged marriage, eren living in denial bc that's what he does best, fingering, a lil bit of tlc on eren's part (shocker), mutual (unrequited) pining. reader is better than me bc i'd never have that much restraint but that's just bc i'm weak (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝); both of them need to get it together *washes hands* (if u see spelling/grammar mistakes, no u didn't (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝))

“i pray you do not fall in love with me, for i am falser than vows made in wine.” — william shakespeare

HORS D’OEUVRE

you remind yourself, for the twentieth time this week, that it’s simply business.

as your parents’ only child, it only made sense that they’d try to marry you off to the highest bidder — the business world is all about making meaningful connections, and you know that better than most. marriage was never something that you envisioned for yourself, but your parents rarely ever demanded anything from you, so the least you could do was adhere to their wishes.

and if you knew your husband-to-be would be this standoffish and hard to read, you might not have agreed — it’s a lie that you like to tell yourself, because it makes it easier to deal with his constant rejection. still, you did sign a contract — one he drafted outside of his parents’ prying eyes, one that he had you sign secretly; that you both agreed to one full year of marriage for appearances, that you refrain from interfering with one another’s private lives, and that you’d never fall in love.

you didn’t think much of it at the time, because there was no way in hell that you would fall in love with a man like eren jaeger. not when he looked at you like you were a nuisance that he was forced to deal with; not when he was so stiff and curt with you whenever you tried to drum up conversation; not when he barely sat for meals with you; and not when he refused to share a bedroom with you after you moved in together.

still, you hold your head up high, determined to see things through; the sooner this sham of a marriage was over, the better.

and eren was of the same mindset.

he argued with his parents until he was so fed up that he had to leave for a few days to calm down; an arranged marriage was always in his future, he just didn’t think it’d happen so soon. maybe it’s because his parents were tired of seeing him galivant with a different partner each week — maybe because the image of their company desperately needed a more family-oriented look (to draw in the masses, of course).

or maybe they wanted to punish him for being impulsive and hard-headed, for not wanting to take the path that was neatly laid out for him, and for simply rejecting the last twenty marriage candidates they presented to him over the past few years.

so, imagine their surprise when eren agreed to marry you — someone who kept to themselves, who didn’t cause trouble for their family, who seemingly looked obedient to the point that it made him sick. he figured the best way for him to live his life would be to use you as a cover up; you didn’t look like the type to complain, nor did you look particularly interested in getting married either.

it was the perfect solution to his problem, and it didn’t hurt that he found you attractive, too. not that he was going to tell you that just yet.

APPETIZER

despite how terrible his personality is, you can’t deny that your husband is handsome. you catch yourself staring at his profile while you wash dishes in the kitchen, eyes lingering on the shape of his jaw as you scrub the same plate over and over. he’s on the phone again, arguing with one of his friends — jean, maybe? — so you’re safe to admire him from afar, like you’ve always done. you try not to do it too openly because he tends to act smug when his ego is stroked, and you don’t have the capacity to deal with that just yet.

but also, more importantly, because you don’t ever want him to know that you’d give anything for him to come over and—

“i don’t care,” eren says loudly, his voice echoing from the adjacent hallway as he paces around. the noise startles you, so you turn to focus on the dishes before sneaking a glance at him again.

eren turns when he feels your eyes on him, and you don’t have a chance to look away fast enough. his eyes are a startling shade of green that matches his intense and audacious personality; you grip the wine glass in your hand a little too hard as he watches you. curiosity at your behavior makes him narrow his eyes and you assume he’s annoyed with you again. except, that’s not true at all.

he’s mostly annoyed with himself.

the marriage, in theory works just fine — he just did not consider the possibility of him developing feelings for you, not after being together for six months already. he finds every excuse to not touch you; barely looking your way in the mornings and evenings — the only time he even shows a modicum of interest is whenever you’re both whisked away to events that require both of you to be in attendance.

it’s out of duty that you comply, but you find it harder and harder as time goes on.

the first time eren kissed you was after you exchanged wedding vows — his lips were much softer than you thought they’d be, and while he’d only intended to give you a quick peck, he’d become entirely too immersed. you’d always found yourself disappointed with past partners because of the way they’d kissed, but eren truly made you feel like you would float for eternity. his hand was warm against the back of your neck, and you thought your heart would shoot out of your chest when his tongue brushed against your lips.

even though your lips parted immediately, eren remembered himself and refused to let himself get carried away. you were a little disappointed when he pulled away, but when you looked up at him you noticed the faint flush on his cheeks. you smiled to yourself, committing the sight to memory — which would become your anchor afterward — and genuinely enjoyed his presence throughout the rest of the evening.

where he was usually gruff and blasé, he’d suddenly become the perfect, loving groom. it unnerved and confused you; he was very adamant about keeping this as superficial as possible.

you wondered if it was part of the act? but if that was the case, why wouldn’t he mention before so you wouldn’t get so caught off guard. it made you skittish whenever his hand brushed against yours, whenever he offered you secret smiles and prolonged looks, and whenever he leaned down to whisper words of encouragement when it seemed like your anxiety over the whole affair was eating you alive.

it helped ground you but did nothing to stop your heart from beating rapidly when the realization set that you were married to him.

but by the time you got into the car to head back home, he sat as far away from you as possible, his posture stiff, expression unreadable. he’d gone from sociable and charming, to his usual petty self.

incredible.

“it’s just business,” he said out loud; you wanted to ask if those words were meant for you, or if they were meant for him. the question never leaves your mouth; you swallow back the rejection as best as you can, steel your features, stare out the window and remind yourself that falling in love with eren jaeger would be your downfall.

ENTRÉE / MAIN COURSE

after that, he makes it a point to only touch you out of necessity; he figures it’s the most logical and diplomatic solution to his problem. jean continues jabbering in his ear about nonsense, and he leans against the kitchen island, eyes tracing down the length of your neck and the slender shape of your shoulders. he really should take his conversation elsewhere, but he’s a masochist without meaning to be.

“uh huh,” he says noncommittally, a heat passing through him the moment you glance his way again — again, you’re doing that thing where you act as if you’ve been caught red-handed, like some doe-eyed deer in the middle of the night. and maybe you are, or maybe it’s all an act.

little does he know, you’re much too aware of his presence now, and your hand slips when you grab a plate and it shatters in the sink.

“damn it,” you say loudly and start to pick up the large pieces without thinking; you cut your hand and try to clean out the wound as best as you can. eren hangs up the phone in the middle of the conversation to make his way over to you; the scent of his cologne suffocates you in the best way, and when you turn and offer a small smile so you can rebuff his offer to help, you hesitate.

“let me see,” he demands, “don’t even think about arguing.” he casts you a sharp glass, one that tells you to behave, and for some reason, you find yourself wondering what would happen if you didn’t follow that command. but eren’s already grabbing onto your wrist and inspecting your palm carefully, long fingers gliding along your skin softly, making you a little dizzy. goosebumps prick your skin down your arms when he drags you to the bathroom so he can properly dress the wound.

you don’t know what to make of any of this; the questions pummel through your throat, bouncing around your mouth, desperate to escape. you never let them, though, and swallow them back with as much patience as you can muster.

“hop on the counter.” he lets go of your hand and rummages through the cabinet; surely, he’s joking, and you stand there stupidly, blinking at him, not moving an inch.

he grabs the first aid kit and narrows his eyes at you, the look he gives you is disarming and he steps close enough to place his hands on either side of you, gripping the counter tightly. “that wasn’t a request, you know.” your skin burns fiercely, and suddenly it’s hard to swallow; you do your best to hop on top of the counter in the minimal amount of space he allows you.

unfortunately for you, he does not let up. eren takes his time cleaning the wound properly before applying some ointment and wrapping it. he holds your hand much more delicately than you’re used to. you watch him, wide-eyed, breathing unevenly as you contemplate how to proceed with this man. for all the bullshit he puts you through, you know he’s lying to himself about his feelings towards you.

especially when he keeps looking at you tenderly, but also with slight annoyance — like he can’t figure out what to do with you yet. on impulse, he leans forward, lips brushing against yours and he knows that if he kisses you, there’s no turning back. you don’t make it any easier for him when you allow him to stand in between your legs, his hands gripping your hips and causing our mind to go blank.

you let out a soft noise, one that nearly incapacitates him; his cock strains at the front of his pants, making everything that much more difficult to deal with.

he knows he should leave, but he can’t — not yet, anyway. it’s eren who grabs the back of your neck and holds you steady as he kisses you, mouth moving against yours agonizingly slow, tongue gliding into your mouth with familiarity. the kiss leaves you both breathless, but it doesn’t stop him from kissing you again, nor does it stop you from helping him unzip and tug his pants and underwear down. his cock is smooth and heavy when you stroke it with your uninjured hand; the kisses transform into something feverish and frenetic, your skin warming significantly when you feel his hips jerk forward the faster your hand moves.

pre-cum slides down his tip, a welcomed sight in your book. you smile against his lips when his patience wears thin — he tugs on your clothes to strip you bare, and you do the same for him. you wrap our legs around him, hold him close to kiss him one more time — mind a muddled mess the moment his fingers enter you, scissoring around, pumping in and out lazily. you moan against his lips, hips rolling forward as your nails drag along his skin.

after plucking his fingers out of you, he rubs the head of his cock against your needy entrance, a shiver crawling through you at the sensation. you whine and fuss, telling him to hurry up.

he tsks quietly and shoots you a mischievous look, one that makes you nervous in a good way. there’s nothing soft or gentle about the way eren fucks you; but every time he does, it becomes much more intimate in its own way. you both knock things off of the counter, his cock sliding in and out of you, lips dragging along your throat, littering your skin with kisses and bite marks.

you clench around him desperately and he angles his hips to power into you faster and deeper. you moan his name so loud it only makes him want to fuck you harder; so he does. he’s not sure if it’s his heart or yours — or maybe both? — that beats loud enough to make him wonder if any of this is real. you’d say yes, if he ever had the courage to ask — but, as usual, his cowardice somehow wins out.

still, you can’t really complain; not when he keeps whispering in your ear, giving you the sort of praise that makes your toes curl. when you wrap your legs around him, hold him closer to you, he gives you short, brutal strokes, hips knocking into yours roughly.

it’s then that you really scream for him, and his lips find yours again as a lightheaded feeling takes over your entire body. you both cum simultaneously, a feat that surprises him; he rolls his hips lazily, cock sliding in and out of you for a little while longer until you both can’t take it. he doesn’t pull out right away and allows you to rest your forehead against his chest; a faint sheen of sweat coats your skin, but he holds onto you anyway.

when you place a soft, chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth, he realizes he’s in too deep. he pulls away suddenly and is already putting up his walls again.

with great difficulty, you climb down and reach for him, but he evades your touch and grabs his clothes so he can put them back on.

DESSERT

panic settles in your chest, the sinking realization that he’s going to run away from you again makes you clean up quickly so you can follow after him. he knows you won’t let this go, so he decides to cut to the chase. eren faces you and with a stern, severe expression, he says, “i can’t do this right now.” and he really can’t — or, rather, doesn’t want to.

to him, that’s the end of the discussion, but you’re so damn persistent — something that both was admirable and obnoxious to him — and stop him again.

“no,” you say firmly, which surprises him, “yes the fuck you can. we’re doing this right damn now.” you leave very little room for argument, so he relents; maybe if he lets you talk at him for a bit, you’ll drop this.

“what is it?”

your bravado slips but you still hold strong. “eren, we can’t keep…,” you trail off, lips pursed as you try to find the best way to say this, “i mean you can’t keep stringing me along like that.” you had feelings and a fragile heart, one that you willingly give to him over and over. his teeth sink into his bottom lip as he mulls over your words. “what are you so afraid of?”

he almost blurts out the truth, but instead balls his hands into fists at his side and attempts nonchalance again.

you won’t let up, though and poke at his chest with your finger. “i never pegged you for a coward,” you say harshly, which gives him pause. “i’m not going to have a half-assed relationship with you, i deserve more than that.”

he doesn’t speak for a long moment, the silence choking you, making you want to hide under your covers for the rest of the day; but then the strangest thing happens. resigned and wholly captivated by you, eren sighs and pulls you close to him. it’s an embrace that makes you question his motives, but his lips ghost along the curve of your ear and you can feel your heart pummeling against your rib cage. you will it to keep quiet, but it never slows. despite trying your best to remain calm and patient, you wish eren would hurry up and give you his answer, and before you can pester him about it again, his arms wrap around you and he whispers, “okay.”

#it is done goodness #eren is the worst and i love that for him #fic request #milestone event #500+ followers event #🍭✨🍨sticky & sweet event🧁✨🍭 #snk smut #snk angst #snk x reader #snk x y/n #aot smut #aot angst #aot x reader #aot x y/n #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger x y/n #eren jaeger angst #eren jaeger smut #‘i can change him’ 🥴

[oyasumi-ashurii]

Okay, so it might be a little hard for me to cohesively put all my thoughts and feelings into why I care so much about Final Fantasy VIII, but because of the 25th anniversary and seeing a lot of you talk about your love of the game I'll try the best I can. So here's my embarrassingly and extremely long personal history with the game and why it will always be my favorite.

Before FF8 I was mostly a Nintendo kid. Mario and Zelda were all I really knew, and as a hyperactive as I was I didn't really have the patience for anything story-heavy that took a lot of reading. Though I did I get a PlayStation later on I hardly bothered with anything other than Spyro or Crash. Anything similar in graphics to FF7 or 8 was mostly foreign to me too, with maybe the closest being my cousin having the first Resident Evil and I was far too young and too scared to bother with anything like that. So you can imagine the complete and utter shock kid me had going to my uncle's and seeing him play FF8 for the first time. I don't think it had been out too long but he was already on disc 3 in Esthar and, bless his soul, he let me play his save for a while. Being able to fly around the map on the Ragnarok?? The realistic proportions and animations in battle?? The absolute BANGER of a soundtrack?! All of it had me excitedly begging my parents to buy me the game. Nine year old me didn't know roman numerals, though, just that it was called Final Fantasy with some weird lettering. I had no idea of Final Fantasy as a series and I didn't know it was the eighth game or that there were eight of them at all. I couldn't remember what the cover looked like either and my uncle not long after that was going through his own personal troubles so I wasn't able to visit or ask him. We didn't have internet at home until the early 2000s (it was AOL dial-up too, jesus, I don't miss that) and my parents were strict about internet use, so I was stuck. My dad did eventually buy me an FF game as a surprise when I was eleven, and lmao can you believe I was genuinely upset because it was Final Fantasy VII?! That being said, I have an INSANE amount of love and respect for 7. Considering how much easier I think the materia system is to understand for newcomers, having it as my first, full FF experience was a bit of a blessing lol. FF7 hit me in a different way than 8 did, and maybe I'll make a post about it sometime.

So other than the brief times on the internet (I was only allowed on for an hour or two before I was kicked off) and reading gaming magazines I had hardly any access or knowledge about FF8 until years later. I knew the characters briefly and read some small stuff here and there about the world, but that was it. Even so, I STILL loved it. I would draw them (I've drawn most of my life, and I still do occasionally as a fun hobby), write about what I thought they were like, so, so much of me embarrassingly obsessing over it and driving my small group of friends in school bonkers (oh lordy I just remembered my preteen username I had used on an FF forum and now I'm cringing.) You get it. So why did I cling to the game so much, even though I barely played it? Why did it mean so much to me? Because around the time I was twelve I was deeply depressed, and throughout my middle school and early high school life video games and their stories were the only joy and comfort I had. I'm not going to go into much detail because it feels too personal to write on tumblr about and I'd rather not think back too much. If you want the gist it was at a moment in time I was mostly on my own. I felt isolated and alone, and due to growing up in and around strict, conservative circles I struggled with feeling far behind my peers, so my personal and school life suffered. Things got better though and I'm happy in my life now, so that's really it.

As I got a little older I had played other FF's and RPGs in between that I also fell in love with (especially Kingdom Hearts) and funnily enough horror games, but I still didn't get my hands on 8 until I got it on my fifteenth birthday and I was over the moon. That night and many nights and weekends after that I played every single bit of that game. I had printed walkthroughs and a guide of the junction system, with overly-detailed notes I had scribbled down and highlighted. I had written down all the rules of triple triad, weapon upgrades, item refinements and what you get from monsters, side-quests, all of it. I had never went all in into a game before, but I did it because I wanted to experience the game that gave preteen me comfort everything it had to offer. And I remember vividly when I finished it I cried until I was almost out of breath.

But you know, I didn't get emotional because of the nostalgic school-like feel and inspired real-world setting, or the overall main plot with magic, sci-fi and sorceresses. It wasn't even the deeply interwoven love stories, the theme of fate or the gameplay either, though I grew to love all of those things dearly with time.

It was because I was a socially-awkward and lonely fifteen year old girl that watched an equally as awkward seventeen year old boy overcome his own deeply-rooted fears and trauma and come out at the end of it all on the path to healing.

And I knew I'd be okay, and ever since then this game has and will always be that reminder and comfort for me.

Thanks for reading.

#ash.personal #ff8 #final fantasy

[ashlayan]

Pleasantries

Tw: SFW, can be read as gender neutral tho written with a fem reader in mind, fluff.

Pairing: Wanderer x Reader

--------------------------------------------------

"There's no need to exchange pleasantries. It's rather pathetic to force a conversation, just to occupy silence."

"Sure buddy," you say with an eye roll "so you've said a million times already."

The two of you have set up a small camp near the outskirts of Sumeru City, taking a rest after a long afternoon of clearing the fatui infested routes. You were sitting across from each other with a small camp fire between you.

"And yet idiots like you keep asking me pointless questions." He replies haughtily.

"It's what friends do dude, you chat together about stuff you like, or... " You smile mischievously. "Would you rather when it's my turn to cook, I make you a pile of extra sweet tricolored dango? Or what if, say, I hand them over to you as a gift in front of Nahida?" He glares. "Something tells me she won't just let you dump them somewhere." You say smugly.

"...I'd like to see you try."

"I'm just saying, that would definitely make you annoyed right? So you like, have to tell me your likes and dislikes." You pull out a notebook and pen from seemingly nowhere and prepare yourself to write; "Go on then don't be shy," you smile cheekily, "tell me everything."

He sighs. "...Fine, just to shut you up." He looks up towards the night sky. "I loathe overly sweet things, even more so if they stick to my teeth. As for favorites... I guess in that regard, the simpler the better."

The wanderer watches as you scribble into your notebook, it's cover turned to him so he can't actually see the contents of the page. "I see, and what drinks do you enjoy?" You continue.

"Something with a rather bitter flavor to it would suit me well. Any sugary drinks are certainly out of the question."

You hum. "Makes sense." You say distractedly, then flip the notebook and show him you had not, in fact, been writing anything he told you. Instead there were poorly drawn stick figures of the both of you holding hands and smiling. "Say, do you think I have a future in the art business?"

"Well, that's just downright awful." He scoffs. "No one would hire you. You lack understanding of basic human anatomy; the arms are too short, the torso too thin, the face is almost beyond salvation, and the hair... I'm not even sure it's supposed to be hair. Do better."

You fall out of your seat cackling, your whole body shaking. "Dang dude you're brutal!" It takes effort for you to subdue your laughs. You stand, but instead of returning to your previous seat you go sit on the log next to him, still giggling to yourself.

"Well, I try. You asked for my opinion, you should expect nothing less than honesty."

" 'K, 'k. So, what about you? Can you draw?" You sit next to him, but angle your body to face his.

"I've never been very good at it, to be honest. The only things I can draw are maps and blueprints. I've even used to have a rather elaborate sketchbook full of those."

"Oh?" You say, grabbing your notebook-now-revealed-sketchbook again, flipping it to a new page. "Were those from your fatui days? When you were planning... Fatui things?"

"You could say that. My drawings of my personal projects in particular were highly confidential. I only showed them to my closest confidants."

"I'm surprised you even had confidants, with that nasty temper you had back then." You pick up your pen and go back to your scribbling.

He crosses his arms "You're really testing my patience here."

"What?" You respond teasingly, eyes focused on your work in the sketchbook. "You're the one that likes honesty so much!" You challenge.

"Fair enough. Then I'll be upfront with you: your drawing skills suck. They're terrible. If you think there's talent in that hand of yours, you're lying to yourself."

"Mhm..." You respond distractedly, your sketchbook turned away from him like before.

"Are you even listening to me?" In a flash, he's reaching for the sketchbook to see whatever it is you're-

You slap his hand away, albeit not harshly. "You'll see when I'm done ."

"...Fine. Keep your damn secret. What could that page possibly be for? You still think you can be an artist, don't you?"

You look up at him sharply, and keep eye contact for a long moment, long enough he worries he'd actually managed to offend you, but then you go right back to the sketchbook, ignoring him once more.

"...You really are the most annoying person I've ever met." He grumbles.

That brings a chuckle out of you. "Funny I could say the same about you," you respond easily, then glance up at him with a soft smile "but you know, you're also my favorite person to hangout with.

"...Did you just make a romantic implication?"

"Maybe I did and maybe I didn't." You reply casually, going back to your work.

He raises a brow. "Hmm. Do you happen to have feelings for me by any chance?"

"Is that your attempt to get a confession? Or maybe..." You glance up at him with a smirk, "Fishing for compliments, wanderer?"

His face flushes a soft purple. Pretty you think. "That was absolutely not what I was doing, I was simply... uh..."

You giggle. "Either way," you say, rising from your seat and carefully tearing out the page you'd been working on, then handing it over, revealing a sketched portrait of himself, signed : What if I do like you? -(y/n). You take a step back, awaiting his reaction, feeling uncharacteristically nervous.

"What... He stares at the drawing in awe for a few moments ...How did you manage to capture my likeness this fast? This is almost creepy." He adds the last comment almost out of habit, clearly not meaning it one bit.

"Then I guess I should spend less time with you? That is the only reason I was able to draw you this fast... Maybe we should hangout less, since you find it so unsettling." You say with mock offense.

"No, that's not... Don't leave. And didn't you promise not to, anyways?"

He stands and takes a few steps closer to you and looks at the drawing again. "My hat... the sleeves... that's all correct. Are you, by chance, a professional artist in disguise?"

"Just a hobby," you answer, "though don't think I was born with special talent or anything, it took lots of practice."

"I..." He lightly runs a finger on the lines, careful not to smudge them, not that the material he's made out of can really do that. "It's beautiful. I could never replicate your passion to the craft, even if I spent my entire existence practicing. He looks towards you. "It's an honor to be the subject of your drawing. I'll keep it, as a keepsake."

That's unfair you think, flushing. "I'm glad you like it but..." You point at the signature, your blush deepening. "You're not gonna answer that? It's rude to keep a lady waiting."

"I was expecting you to confess directly if you did have feelings for me, this shy side of yours is quite unusual." He chuckles. "I've always found that directness of yours charming, to be honest. My feelings for you... are complex, but if I know one thing about you, it's that you always manage to surprise me." A smirk spreads across his features."

"...So what's your answer?" You ask carefully.

"I'm a bit surprised myself. I've never felt so... connected to someone. If you like me, even as just a friend, then my feelings for you will only increase. I enjoy spending time with you." He takes a long breath. "And... I think I've started liking you... romantically."

You sigh in relief, and start shifting your weight from leg to leg oh archons that was nerve-racking.

"I thought you liked being straightforward. You've been teasing me this entire time, why be nervous all of a sudden?" He says with a smirk.

You glared at his teasing, though without any real heat behind it, you shove him lightly on the arm "Shut up." You mumble.

He chuckles. "You really are adorable, you know that?"

You mock pout and play along. "I'm not adorable!" You speak in the most cutesy tone you can muster. "I am a beast to be reckoned with," You raise your pitch further, "a monster of nature!"

He bursts out laughing. "You couldn't scare a butterfly."

You halt, cutesy voice already gone and a dangerous glimmer in your eyes, you take one step forward towards him, your eyes not leaving his "Funny, you said I had horrible drawing skills yet look how that turned out." You take another step, and with your mouth now next to his ear you whisper darkly. "Do you want to bet?"

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, his heart started racing as he took a step away from you. "...Maybe I shouldn't have said that."

You burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh your face!" You say, happy tears welling up at the corner of your eyes. "I got you good! Pffffft-"

"...You suck."

You laugh harder, letting yourself slide down to the floor like before. "S-sorry, but hey! You're the one who underestimated me first!" You say gasping for air.

"You nearly gave me the equivalent of a heart attack, you little..." He sighs, his expression serious. "...So I suppose this means you like me too?"

"Your laughs die down, and you start regaining your breath, you raise your hand cheekily, motioning for him to help you up "What do you think?"

"...I think you can help yourself." He crosses his arms and looks away from you.

"Oh come on don't be like that!" You say grinning. "Just help me up and I'll give you your answer."

"...Fine." He walks towards you, grabbing your hand as he asks "So what's the verdict?"

Just as he starts pulling however, you bring him down on the ground next to you, and just before he has a chance to protest, you wrap your arms around his neck bringing your faces so close with just a few inches between you.

"...Woah, easy now. You really do have a flare for the dramatic."

He lets out a sigh in defeat, in another life, the empty cavity of his heart would have been thumping at the contact.

"But doesn't it make everything so interesting?" You say, slowly inching closer, your eyes glancing between his eyes and lips.

The Wanderer can barely manage a response, "...Yes. Yes, I suppose it does."

And then, you close the distance between your lips, his eyelids falling shut.

The moment your mouths meet, a feeling of pure euphoria washes over you. You can't help but close your eyes, sinking deeper into the kiss. He pulls you closer and you gladly let him, wanting to experience every possible sensation you could in this moment, your mouths locked together. Your heart races, pumping blood and joy through your body, making you feel like it would burst at any second.

After a long moment, you pull away slowly, already mourning the loss of contact but needing to catch your breath. "Well that was... Nice." You giggle at your own underwhelming response, fully aware the kiss was much more than nice.

"...Nice?" He repeats, looking down at you, his face a bright purple color as he tries to compose himself. "Is that all you have to say?"

"I'm just teasing, you're an annoyingly good kisser Wanderer." This better not raise his ego further.

He tries to act cool and unfazed, but it's useless. "R-really? Are you sure about that? I mean, it was nice, but... it was... Uh."

"Yes I'm sure." You say firmly, rising, and pulling him up with you. "It was perfect."

His eyes narrow as if he didn't quite believe you.

"Yes. It was." You insist , then, back to your usual teasing you say: "Or do you want more compliments oh great and wise Wanderer?"

He groans, covering his face with his hands. "You're going to milk every moment of this, won't you?!"

"But of course! Can you really call yourself my boyfriend if you weren't subjected to my teasing in your every waking moment?"

"Boyfriend?" He looks back up, his expression slightly confused, then "Right... Yes. That's... Gonna take some getting used to."

You sigh dreamily at his cute expression, then throw your arms around him in a hug and sqweel at his cuteness.

He remains still for a few moments, then starts gently stroking your head.

But at some point, you stop and pull away slightly, you don't let go of him however. "Wait! Would Nahida approve of me?"

You manage to catch him off-guard, not expecting you to break the embrace so quickly. "You want her to give us her blessings? Is that what this is about? I think, all things considered, she'd be more than happy to learn that I found someone who appreciates me as much as you do."

"Still, she's basically your mom!" You say, starting to drag him towards the Sanctuary of Surasthana as he squirmed in your hold. "We should pay her a visit. Oh! Maybe we can grab her a gift at the bazaar first!"

He sighs, then stops resisting, and lets you pull him along, knowing there's not a whole lot he can do to stop you. "You really want to involve her in this?" He sighs again."Very well. Let us go."

#genshin Impact #genshin community #genshin #genshin wanderer #wanderer #wanderer genshin impact #(y/n) #fluff #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x reader #x you #x reader #scara

[aziraphales-library]

Hello! First and foremost, I'd like to thank you for all of your recs. Your blog was lovely!

I'm looking for some fic that has people viewing Aziraphale as scary. Many fics describe Aziraphale as a kind-looking and friendly one between him and Crowley, but I really like it when someone is scared of Aziraphale. And if they think Crowley was sweet, that's a plus! Do you have any? 

Hello and thanks so much! Here are some fics in which people don’t like or think Aziraphale is scary...

Bookshop Burglary (or: a Piece of Cake) by AnonymousDandelion (G)

Damien hadn’t meant to become a burglar. Honestly, he hadn’t. He’d just hung around with the wrong people.

His parents would have called them the wrong people, anyway. But the others weren’t bad guys either, not really. They were good buddies, Bert and Joshua, and sure, some of the adults may not have liked them too much, but they stood up for you when it counted. They’d been a de facto trio for a few years now, Damien and the other two, stood by each other through thick and thin and more than a few spots of trouble.

This was a new level of trouble, though. They’d never committed an actual crime before.

It was all the fault of the lockdown. That, and Bert’s dare.

A Demonic Distraction by magpiespirit (T)

All Aziraphale wants to do is have a drink. A couple of demons try his patience, with amusing results. Well, amusing to some. Well, amusing to one. Aziraphale. Aziraphale finds it amusing.

Let Them Eat Cake by lyricwritesprose (G)

When two down-on-their-luck young men try to steal a cash box, they end up frightened, confused, and fed.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale is just trying to offload some of his cake. Which is harder than it sounds, considering the conclusions one of his burglars draws about him.

High Risk, No Reward by asideofourown (T)

Jim made a beeline for the shelves he had browsed earlier, carefully and silently removing several books and stuffing them in his bag. A few shelves over he could hear John doing the same, and when Jim’s bag was full of valuable books he made his way over to his partner.

John looked up from where he was crouching on the floor, two books in hand. “I can only fit one more, and I can’t figure out which one is more valuable,” he whispered.

Jim rolled his eyes and crouched beside him, squinting in the dark to try to look. “It doesn’t really matter,” he said. “Just pick one to steal, we're going to be rich either way—”

“WHAT IN HEAVEN DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”

[Two humans attempt to rob Aziraphale's shop. It goes about as well as one would expect]

Blacks Coffees and Hot Chocolates by StarlightPhoenix (G)

Since opening her coffeeshop in Soho, Jess had a few regulars. Anthony came in every day and ordered one black coffee and one hot chocolate. They were Jess' favorite regular.

Mr. Fell, on the other hand, was her least favorite regular. He was rude, he insulted her scones, and she was sure he was mafia.

She didn't realize that her sweet Anthony was with that nasty Mr. Fell.

The Godfather Of Soho by WorseOmens (NR)

AZ Fell & Co's looks like a front for something illegal. Both the mob and the police have a thing or two to say about it.

(Or: two Irish mobsters bicker over the nature of their new competitor; meanwhile, two detectives follow a trail of terrified petty criminals back to an antique bookshop)

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #azirapahle #outsider pov #scary aziraphale #mod d

[peyton-warren]

My favorite fic of yours Although I fell in l've with your writing with "The Hidden Sun" this has to be "Blinded By The Fog" I just love all the characters so much!

My favorite chapter in my favorite fic of yours Chapter 4 of Blinded By The Fog. I re-read this so many times. Always finding all these little scenes that melt my heart. And then that last little words “Ni-night, baby.”  It always breaks me and I'm sobbing like a baby 😭

A fic I haven't read yet from you, but I want to Stick handling series. It's sitting in my drafts for a long time and I swear I will get to it, promised

What made me the most emotional after reading

Already mentioned it, but it is just so, so heartbreaking!

“Ni-night, baby.” 

What I like the most about your writing

Your characters are so full of life, they have their own personality, their flaws, they are loveable. Also, you get emotions out of me with your work, it's just wonderful!

A fic i'm excited for you updating/posting

Well, it's no secret that I hope to see an update on Blinded By The Fog...

Something I wish/hope you write

Anything that makes you happy ad comfortable!

If i've ever shared/talked about your fic to someone else

Yes, I did! Because you need to be praised! You're such a talent!

A fic I didn't expect to like so much

Arresting and arrested - I send you this ask but I didn't think to get THAT! And damn, it was so much better than everything I had expected. This man hanging from the Ceiling is plastered into my mind!

My dear @peyton-warren You have an alley in me and I will always do my best to support you. I know you're having a hard time. Just know that there are people who really love what you create! Because I do! 🥰

Found this in my inbox when i got a new ask tonight. This has been sitting there entirely too long . First of all thank you for your kind words and support. You know how crappy of a day I had today, and how many tears I shed. And this ask brought more tears to my eyes but for good reasons!

Your Favorite Fic of mine: I didn't know you started out with Hidden Sun, I am glad you liked that one. its one of my first here on tumblr and that first chapter holds a special place in my heart. I know how much you love Blinded by the Fog, you are my #1 cheerleader on that one, and I really appreciate as I try to get more of it out.

Your Favorite Chapter of a Fic of Mine: Chapter 4 of Blinded hits me more and more every time I reread it. And once I wrote your ask about the behind the scenes of how Sy was feeling, it is now a whole other level. I didn't intend for him to have so much feeling in that chapter, but man he breaks my heart too.

Something of mine you haven't read yet- I know that one is no longer true because you were able to help me brainstorm Chapter 8!

Whay you like most about my writing: Thank you hon. I honestly just write what the characters tell me to write, and I dont intentionally try to draw out emotions. I do love writing, and I love telling a good story. I am glad it comes across in the writing.

Writing you are looking forward to me writing/posting: It is no surprise at all you want me to post the next chapter of Blinded. And I appreciate your patience as I work through my own stuff as i try to get past this writer's block. And trust me, you will probably be the first person to know I when i finish that chapter.

something you wish I'd write: make me cry why don't you, Nina.

You telling others about my work: I don't think anyone has shared my work as much as you have, ever. I appreciate all of your support, and you telling others about my writing. It means so so much to me, more than you could ever know.

The fic that you were surprised by: I think that fic surprised many people, especially me. your prompt threw that scene in my head and I just wrote it down verbadum as I saw it in my brain. I need to get back to that. Tell the rest of the story that's in my head.

Again, Nina, I just I have no words for your support and how much it means to me. I keep saying thank you, and telling you it means the world to me, but even that does not cover how much you mean to me. Thank you, my friend from the bottom of my heart. You are a such a rare treasure and i value you so. Whether we are talking dogs, hairy titties, or fic, I always love seeing you pop up in my asks, dms and feed. Thank you for being you.

#asks #friends in my phone #geralt’s yenn #thank you #thank you so much

[sixft0ver]

[2 AM thoughts I've been thinking about for three days straight.]

I know kosuke would never (probably) but I really want to make a spin off ep of him just testing rai's patience by letting other women hit on him and him flirting back with the same energy while they're both on a trip just so he could see how jealous she could be because rai never looses her temper when it comes to these kinds of things and it honestly just makes him a bit curious as to how far he could get away with it, or what she'll do to him afterwards. And good lord was that the biggest mistake he ever made.

Rai getting angry was one thing, but the result of him laying on the hotel bed with his arms tied up on each side of the headboard. Legs open wide with a vibrator stuck to his swollen fat cock on full speed, the aching tip begging to release his thick seed but it's being blocked due to the urethral sound toy rai had bought but never got the chance to try (so what better way to test it out now while her fiance was being a brat throughout the whole day of their vacation am I right?).

Aaaahhh I wish I could draw this if given the time 😩 I'd just love to show you guys how his pierced nipples would perk up from the overwhelming pleasure. And how much he'll start begging for rai to let him cum, how he'd ramble on and on about behaving and promising that he'll be a good boy. The pretty strain in his voice when he finally gets to cum, shooting his messy load making a mess everywhere while rai just jerks him off from behind to ensure every last drop, placing gentle kisses on his neck and whispering sweet nothings into his ear . .

I wanna draw that. I wanna draw that so fucking bad you have no ideaAJHDJSGRAKJSKS AAAAAFUCK!!!

#kkyun mumbles #kkyun's future artwork prompts

[cell-axe]

Ramblings for Qiumibu #7

Link to Part 6

Link to Part 8

Today’s topic will be focusing on the two minor factions mentioned in Part 6: The Brightened Few and the Sooted Conclave.

Their purpose? To create some conflict between themselves and the Four Major Kingdoms, because I am not going down the path of ATLA with just four major regions with their respective elements. Instead, I want Qiumibu to be divided among the many that live there, to create some sort of depth and diversity on a single island. Which is hilarious to me, considering that I could’ve just added countries across the seas instead of keeping it all to one island.

But no, I want everything to be in walking distance. Or at least, within teleportation distance so that Roslan doesn’t accidentally end up revealing more than I could work on. I guess the limitation helps to keep my ideas for this fantastical kitchen sink feel alive. I know that trade by ships is a thing, so I’m not waving away the possibility that there would be foreign ships docking at the ports near the Major Kingdoms.

Anyways, back to the Brightened Few and the Sooted Conclave. These two factions were recently based off of the two sides in a game of chess, but I absolutely refuse to use the terms and motifs found in the game for the characters from these factions. For a start, let’s look at the characters that I had sketched for the Brightened Few:

... If I could find the image first. I swear I'd saved it SOMEWHERE on my computer. If not, I'll update this with drawings of the White Heir. Just assume he's a grandiose bird wearing a mask with a grand-looking halo behind him.

This is the Heir to the Alabaster Throne. That is his full title, and it is how his subordinates refer to him. Outsiders of the City of Ceramic would just refer to him as “the White Heir”, because he’s insignificant to them.

At least, until you learn about his goals. He wants to overthrow Prince Naso under the belief that he is the rightful heir to the throne, not that purple bastard of a bird who has fun with his subordinates and has a scandalous relationship with a lowly medicine maker at the fringe of his kingdom (more on that in another post).

The White Heir’s powers are simple: He summons beams of light. He can use them as staves in close combat. He can summon them above his foes and drop them like harpoons. He can launch them like ballistae rounds. He can imprison others with enough beams of light. It is surprising the amount of ways that one can use beams of light in combat and non-combat situations.

But he doesn’t fight. He leaves that to his subordinates to do all the dirty work for him, the followers of the Brightened Few (it’s actually not a few, spoilers). As you can guess with the mention of a city, his subjects are many and can be overwhelming. I just don’t have the patience to draw variations of them. But I can describe the White Heir’s betrothed and bodyguard: The Ivory Chaperone.

According to my miniscule notes, she is “a towering force… (wielding) a pillar of light bestowed to her by the (White) Heir.” I imagined her as a bull, kinda like contemporary imaginings of the Minotaur. The best example would be the Minotaur from Castlevania: Curse of Darkness, as that was THE coolest depiction of the Minotaur I have ever encountered. I even gave her the power to just launch that pillar of light at her target, then recall it so she can have another shot if the first one missed. Gods, I have to draw her someday.

One fun feature that the City of Ceramic has is that when you are within its perimeter, you will be desaturated till it is just black and white, with white being the dominant colour. The same happens if one were to enter the premises of the City of Slate, where the Sooted Conclave would be found (and talked upon in the next post, because this is getting awfully lengthy).

Is it even possible to include the Arbiter System that the City of Ceramic employs to defend themselves against others? I kinda want to talk about it, because it’s just an android turning against their creator (Heir of the Alabaster Throne). But it’s robots against robots! Not the large kind like you’d see in shows like Gundam, unfortunately. Just a people-sized robot realizing that he’s been lied to since he was activated.

I guess I’ll end it there. I’ll have to spend Part 8 on talking about this idea for machines. Did I mention that Qiumibu was a fantasy kitchen sink? That includes androids and robotics, so we’ll be seeing those next time!

Additionally, I now know how hashtags work! Now you can find all of these ramblings under "Qiumibu".

#qiumibu #sonic oc #sonic fan character #Heir to the Alabaster Throne #Brightened Few

[quirkykaty]

Songbird

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x OC/Reader Warning: angst, arguing, oc/reader is a sensitive bby, random child scrapes a knee, fluff, kissing Summary: Reader/OC is sent on a solo mission with fellow padawan Obi-Wan, who has annoyed the living daylights out of her since childhood. Wordcount: ~5100 Author's Note: No note for this. I think I'd planned a series and just didn't have the energy. It works well enough as a standalone, anyway. Enjoy.

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In this universe, there are many individuals gifted with overwhelming power, wisdom, and grace. These individuals, who draw strength from the living Force within all of creation, are called the Jedi. They are masters of their craft, trained from a young age to channel and control the Force, to fight with laser swords called Lightsabers, and to respect the balance of all life. They are the respected protectors and keepers of the peace. They are humble heroes. And then, there’s Obi-Wan Kenobi.

In case you were unaware, it is spectacularly difficult to meditate on inner peace with a twitchy, overly energetic manchild sitting next to you. The birds singing in the tree overhead was nothing. The stream that ran through the courtyard, babbling over stones and tree roots was actually helpful. But the impatient sighing and shifting fabric as Obi-Wan fidgeted from a few feet away was unbearable.

After an hour, I finally slapped my hands on the ground and opened my eyes, glaring at him as I addressed the silent older man sitting across from us. “Master, I cannot concentrate with him here. Why must we do this as a pair? Would it not be more productive to meditate separately?”

Obi-Wan scoffed indignantly and crossed his arms. “At least I stay awake the whole time. When was the last time you managed not to fall asleep before we finished?”

I gasped and turned to glare at him, opening my mouth to retort. Master Qui Gon raised a hand and we both withdrew, turning our attention obediently to the master.

Qui Gon smiled wryly and cocked his head to the side. “Tell me, Skylarin, what is the purpose of meditation?”

I glanced between the men and flushed slightly as I scrambled to find an answer. “Um. We meditate to calm our minds and center ourselves, or to commune with the Force.”

“Very good. And when is that skill most important to us as Jedi?”

“In battle,” I answered quickly, cringing internally as I caught the direction his questions were leading. Deciding to get ahead of the next question, I continued. “Where it will be vital that we be able to find that calm despite various distractions.”

Master Qui Gon’s smile widened and he nodded once. “Very good. You’re correct that my young apprentice struggles at sitting still-” He stopped and lifted a brow as Obi-Wan opened his mouth to protest, silencing him with indulgent firmness. “Your master requested we meditate together today as a test of patience for you both.”

I shot a worried glance at Obi-Wan and caught him mirroring my expression. We hung our heads in tandem as Qui Gon rose. He set a hand on my shoulder and grinned down at me.

“There is no improvement without testing, young one. Do not be discouraged. However, your master and I will be pairing the two of you up for meditation every day until you can master this.”

“Yes, Master,” I murmured, keeping my eyes on the ground. 

He turned to his Padawan then. “The same goes for you, Obi-Wan. Your skill with the Force is commendable, but without meditation, you’ll never reach your full potential. I expect you to continue working on this.”

The master left and I kept my eyes down until I heard the door slide shut. As soon as we were alone, Obi-Wan’s head shot up and he glared at me stubbornly. “Oh, very good job. Now we’re stuck together. Was that really necessary?”

I sniffed and lifted my chin, looking away from his superior expression. Thanks to our masters’ close friendship, we had been forced together many times since we were young. The blue-eyed Coruscanti’s infuriating confidence and sarcastic demeanor never failed to irritate me. “Perhaps if you were capable of sitting still for more than an hour, I could have lasted out the time in silence.”

Obi-Wan growled and pushed himself to his feet. “Why must you always be so difficult? Everything is an argument to you. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you enjoyed it,” he grumbled.

“Maybe because your energy is as grating as your pretentious voice,” I shot back, rising as well and smoothing out my robes. 

“Why must you be so superior?” he shouted, turning to stare me down. It wasn’t hard, him being a full head taller than me. 

“Why must you be so superior?” My voice raised as my blood heated, my anger overcoming me for the moment, despite my training.

Before we could speak again, the door slid open and Master Qui Gon stepped through, looking conflicted. “Enough. Both of you, with me. We’re needed in the council meeting.”

Obi-Wan and I met each other’s gaze, for once lacking the usual hostility. An invitation to a council meeting, at our standing, without it being to deliver the report from a finished assignment, was either very good or very bad. My stomach began tying itself into a knot as we followed Qui Gon down the maze of hallways that led from the meditation courtyard to the council meeting chamber.

The full council was in session. My mouth went dry as we entered the room and all eyes turned to us for a moment. Qui Gon stepped forward between us, hands clasped behind his back. Obi-Wan and I mirrored his pose, though our eyes were cast respectfully down.

A subtle glance around the room told me this was far from a normal council meeting. Every master and apprentice currently residing in the temple were in attendance. My own master detached herself from the wall she’d been leaning on and came to stand at my side, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

“Mind your emotions, young one. You’re in no trouble but your fear may draw attention,” she whispered soft enough that no one else could hear.

Turning my mind from the proceedings for a moment, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, calling to mind the day’s lesson on achieving calm despite the chaos. With effort, I regained control of my aura, drawing it tightly around myself and tucking the wild emotions away where they could cause no harm. When my eyes opened, I was breathing easily, face blank. My master patted my shoulder and I felt a brief flash of approval from her. 

Master Windu was speaking, describing some hostilities erupting in nearby star systems. Several territories were threatening to withdraw from the Republic as dissatisfaction with the Senate grew. A disquieting feeling in the back of my mind whispered that worse things were to come. Many of the resident Jedi were being assigned missions to assess the rumors. Nearly everyone in the room had been dismissed before our quiet quartet was addressed.

“Masters Idara and Qui Gon, you will be traveling to Mandalore to ascertain their stance in this matter and, if necessary, negotiate a treaty with the ruling parties,” Master Windu explained.

“What of the matter on Malastare?” Master Ki-Adi-Mundi interjected, looking across the assembled faces. “I know it seems hardly a matter for a Master, given the situation, but I do not believe it should be ignored.”

“I do not believe that matter holds precedence in light of our current position. We’ve few enough people to handle this. We cannot spare-”

Master Yoda raised a hand for silence and stared directly at Obi-Wan and me. “Send the Padawans, we should. For this matter, they will suffice. Teamwork they must learn and teach them, this mission shall.”

The council chamber was suffocatingly silent for a long moment. My stomach dropped and it took all my strength to reign in the desire to beg for a different assignment. My master stepped forward, brow furrowed in concern and confusion. “Master, I do not mean to question your orders, but are you certain? These Padawans are talented, certainly, but I am not sure they’re ready to be sent out alone yet.”

Master Yoda lifted a brow and smiled. “Sent out alone together you mean, Master Idara. Betray you your worries do. Fear not. I foresee great things from these young ones.” He paused, turning to stare hard first at me, then at Obi-Wan. “If able to work together, they can become.” He turned back to our masters. “Do you agree?”

Qui Gon chuckled softly and clapped a hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “I don’t see why not. It will do them some good, being forced to rely on each other for a time.” He nodded toward my master who simply shook her head slowly.

“I will trust in Master Yoda’s assessment, and in my Padawan. Very well.”

An hour later, Obi-Wan and I had been briefed on our assignment and were being shuffled onto a small ship bound for Malastare. I settled into a seat and closed my eyes, hoping a bit of meditation would soothe the doubt and frustration running rampant in my mind. The jolting ride and idle chatter between Obi-Wan and the pilot were distracting, but I persevered.

Wayward emotion had always been my greatest weakness in training, despite Master Idara’s many attempts to help me control them. It was rarely fear that got the better of me, to be fair. I had concerns and worries, but there was very little I was genuinely afraid of. I didn’t have a family to lose, no parents to miss, no stronger connection in my life than the loyalty I felt for my master.

The only thing in the world I held dear was my lightsaber. Staring into the soft violet glow was always the quickest way to center my mind. In combat, I excelled. One breath, one crystal clear moment, and I gave myself to the Force. I became a blur of beige clothes and dark hair, surrounded by the purple haze from my saber. I wasn’t the best of my age, I wasn’t the best of anything, but I was close. I wouldn’t consider myself arrogant by any means, but in combat, I was confident and clear.

Manipulating the Force came nearly as easy. Again, I did not top the rankings for those at my level of training, but I was accomplished enough to satisfy myself that I was learning well. While I had to work at everything, the only things that truly confounded me were managing my feelings and meditating amidst distractions. And nothing was more distracting to me than Obi-Wan Kenobi.

If I was being honest with myself, I didn’t hate him. Far from it, in fact. What put my nerves on edge was how very calming his presence was. I didn’t like how the brush of his aura against mine settled my rampant thoughts. I didn’t like how the smooth lilt of his voice could hijack my attention regardless of what was going on. The safest course would be to ignore him. But how could I ignore a person when their very presence entering a room was like opening the shades when your starship was parked next to a sun. He was blinding.

The sound of a throat clearing pulled me from my jumbled thoughts. Obi-Wan, looking uncomfortable, had turned his seat to face mine. “We should probably discuss the mission before we get to the planet. Establish a cover and all that.”

“Right,” I said hesitantly, tugging on the neat braid hanging over my shoulder. “I know the masters suggested cover identities for us, but I’m not entirely sure about their recommendation. Do we really have to pose as a married couple?”

Obi-Wan’s frowned and fiddled with his saber, his eyes avoiding mine as he spoke. “Well, it’s the most reasonable assumption. You and I don’t really look enough alike to pretend to be siblings. We’re of the right age to be newly married and posing simply as partners could create obstacles we don’t need.”

I sighed, not wanting to concede to his point though I knew he was right. His fair skin and light brown hair were a sharp contrast to my olive complexion and dark curls. My eyes fell to the ring on my left hand, a prop that felt awkward and uncomfortable on my finger. I’d caught him twisting the matching ring they’d given him, no more at ease with the ornamentation than I was.

“Alright, so that’s settled,” he said, clearly trying to move past the awkward silence. “We should probably come up with names, too.”

“What about… Ben and Ada. Ben and Ada Dartren,” I suggested, pulling the names from the book I’d been reading before bed the last few nights. “Not so common as to be suspicious, but not unique enough to be memorable.”

Obi-Wan raised a brow and nodded. “Alright then. Would you like to be Ben or Ada?” His lips quirked up in a half-smile and I gave a startled laugh before catching myself.

“Very funny. I hope you won’t treat the rest of the mission as a joke, though.” My tone wasn’t harsh, but the words melted the smile from his face and I felt my chest tighten regretfully. I shoved the feeling away and tried to refocus myself, unbuckling and pushing out of my seat. “I think I’ll go to my bunk and read through the packet they gave us. If we’re going to be traders, we should know as much as we can about what we’re to be trading.”

“Right,” he muttered, turning his chair back to the hull. “I’m sure the history of Malastare spice trading is going to be a fascinating read. I can’t wait.”

I frowned at his blasé attitude, shaking my head and storming off to my bunk. Why couldn’t he take anything seriously? Maybe it wasn’t the most vital mission the council had to assign, but that didn’t make our part in it any less important. Was it really all a joke to him or was he just using it to cover up other thoughts? The man made no sense to me at all. 

The next morning, our ship docked in the Malastare spaceport and we made our way to the hotel the council had suggested. While Obi-Wan approached the counter to check us in, I ducked into the hotel’s cafe to order a light dinner we could carry up to our room. When we reconvened by the elevator, Obi-Wan had a strange look on his face.

“Do I want the bad news now or later?”I asked, holding out his half of dinner. He took the food and grimaced.

“Well, you’ll know fairly soon anyway. There was only one room available.”

My stomach dropped at the look on his face. “Wait, don’t tell me. I can guess. One bed?”

He nodded, avoiding my eyes again. To my credit, I managed to keep my mouth from falling open or spewing the foul words that were playing through my mind. Instead, I sucked in a breath, nodded once, and released the breath in a heavy sigh. “Alright then. Let’s get this over with.”

We set ourselves up in the room, taking some time to adjust to the situation. I stood in the tiny en suite bathroom, fussing over my civilian clothes and wishing already that I could change back into my robes. Naturally, Obi-Wan looked perfectly at ease in his new clothes, though I saw him more than once reach for the place his lightsaber would usually rest on his belt. Neither of us enjoyed having the weapons tucked away in a pocket, it seemed.

The next few days were a blur of seemingly random meetings with middlingly-influential people and long, dull conversations regarding spices and navigation specifics. Obi-Wan tended to take the lead in conversation, which I didn’t mind as much as I’d thought I would. As much as I disliked his calming presence in the temple, it became a comfort against being so far from home and so distant from our masters. Neither of us had been apart from our teachers in several years and it unsettled us both. Throughout our not-so-random meetings, we managed to gather plenty of information. Malastare didn’t seem terribly invested in taking a side in the separatist movement, but they were keeping themselves in the loop as well as they could. Everything we learned was promptly recorded when we returned to our room and transmitted back to the council. 

The only real tension between us was in regard to the sleeping arrangements. From the start, Obi-Wan had elected to play the gentleman and surrendered the bed to me. Not appreciating what I saw as coddling, I suggested we trade-off. There was a small couch against the far wall of the room that we could take turns on. I would have taken the couch the whole time, given it was much more suitable for one my size than his, but he had refused the suggestion outright. So, we took turns, one of us in the bed and the other on the couch. The twinge in my chest at seeing him curled in on himself on the too-small couch was quickly added to the list of things I didn’t like about being around him.

Our fifth day on assignment was mercifully clear of appointments. Though we could’ve easily manufactured a few new leads, Obi-Wan convinced me that real newlyweds, traders or no, would be taking time away from work to relax. Despite my reservations, I allowed him to coax me into setting the mission aside for the day. Instead of chasing information, he suggested we take a walk. The planet was heavily forested and he was curious about the outer edges of the city. Coruscant was his home and he loved it dearly, but it had nothing like the forests here and he seemed eager to explore them. 

We spent the day wandering the outskirts of the city, marveling at the trees and neat pathways through the forests. At one point, he split away to examine a strange clump of ferns growing next to the path while I continued on toward a large, ornate fountain. Children were playing a game in the small courtyard, the only well-paved space in this area. When they saw me approach, many of them exchanged glances and scattered. One little girl, distracted for a moment as a colorful insect flew by her, realized her friends had abandoned her and turned to run. The tattered skirt of her dress caught on her shoes and she tripped, landing hard on her hands and knees. Without a thought, I rushed over and knelt by the girl. She sniffled and clutched her hands to her chest. 

“Are you alright, little one? Are you hurt?” I kept my voice soft, settling on the ground next to her and holding my hands out toward her. After a moment of hesitating, she laid her hands in mine, palms up. The skin was indeed scraped up, but not too badly. Giving her a gentle smile, I rummaged through my waist pouch for a weak salve I liked to carry for emergencies. “Shall I show you a magic trick, dear?”

The girl eyed the jar of salve warily, then looked up into my eyes and nodded. Taking care not to cause any unnecessary pain, I massaged the salve into her palms. “This is a special salve my mother taught me to make. It might sound silly, but she always said it works best when you sing while you put it on. Do you know any songs?” She shook her head, staring up at me wide-eyed, so I smiled wider and tapped her on the nose. “Then I’ll just have to come up with one myself.”

I folded her hands together between mine, rubbing the backs of her hands to distract from the way I knew her palms would be stinging, and began to sing. The first song in my mind was the one my mother had used to sing me to sleep when I was very small, a silly lullaby about butterflies and daydreams and chasing rainbows. The girl giggled at some of the lyrics. When the song finished, I patted her hands and grinned. 

“There, now. How’s that?” She unfolded her hands and gasped at how much better they already were. I chuckled and ruffled her hair. “I told you it was magic.” I sensed Obi-Wan approaching and stood, helping the girl to her feet. “You’d best head on home now, and carefully. You know the magic song now but it’d still be better if you avoided falling again.” She laughed again and took me by surprise by hugging me tightly around the waist. Then she ran off down the street her friends had taken and I stood by the fountain, flushed and wondering after her. It had been a while since I’d felt anything more affectionate than a hand on my shoulder. I’d forgotten the simple effect of a hug.

“My, my. Aren’t you the little songbird?” Obi-Wan teased, striding up with his hands in his pockets. “Is the song really magic?”

I flushed deeper and looked away from him, wrapping my arms around myself defensively. I hadn’t thought of my mother in a very long time and didn’t feel like being teased about it.

“It’s just a tactic to distract them until the salve does its job. Singing isn’t exactly a vital Jedi skill so I haven’t seen much use in it. I just wanted to calm her down.”

Obi-Wan sighed at the sharpness in my tone, moving to sit on the lip of the fountain. “I wasn’t trying to offend, Skylarin. Whatever you may think about me, my every word is not actually engineered as an insult. I thought it was very kind, what you did for her. Going off their looks, I doubt they get much kindness from strangers around here.”

Hesitating a moment, I settled beside him on the fountain, eyes cast down as shame washed over me. Why was I being so cruel to him? I knew my own reasoning for keeping him at a distance, but he didn’t. How cold must I seem to him, not knowing why I acted as I did? “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

He stilled beside me and I could feel his eyes boring into me. “Um. Pardon?”

“I said,” I started, looking up finally and meeting his piercing blue eyes, “I am sorry. I realize I must seem unbearably rude to you. I never meant it. I don’t… It’s just-” I couldn’t seem to find the words and dropped my head into my hands. Mumbling through my fingers, I tried to explain as well as I could. “You’re a bloody sun walking around. Everything is warmer and brighter when you’re around and it makes me want you around all the time and I hate that. We’re Jedi. We’re not supposed to think that way. We’re not allowed to-” I cut myself off again and shook my head, hating how weak I felt at that moment.

“You-, We-,” He stumbled over his words, apparently stumped by my confession. “Not allowed to… to…” I heard the shift of fabric and stone as he left the fountain ledge and knelt in front of me. His hands covered mine and pulled them away from my face, leaving me exposed to those blue eyes that seemed to see through every wall I’d put up around my mind. How could a color so much closer to water feel like it was burning me alive? “Are you trying to say that all this time, all this arguing, is because you… you fancy me?”

Hearing the words said aloud somehow made them feel so much heavier, so much more forbidden. I wanted to sink through the stone and into the planet core, to burn as I felt like I was, to melt into the magma and never have to face that look in his eyes again. His hands were still curled around mine and his grip tightened as I made to pull away.

“As I said. I’m sorry. It was unprofessional and downright juvenile. I’ll be better going forward if you promise to just… forget any of this ever happened.”

“Sky.” His voice was soft as it wrapped around the shortened version of my name, drawing me and the rest of the planet, it seemed, to a halt. One of his hands left mine and drifted up to brush my cheek. “I can tell you right now I will absolutely not be able to forget any part of this. Why didn’t you ever just say something?”

The touch on my face was distractingly nice and I leaned into it without thinking, closing my eyes against the earnest expression in those eyes. “It… It isn’t allowed. I was hoping if I kept it up long enough, our masters would just separate us and I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. That being away from you would make everything so much easier and I could pretend none of it existed. I never actually meant to hurt you, I just… I couldn’t stand being around you and trying to keep my thoughts to myself.”

I felt the shift of his weight, then his mouth was on mine, warm and hesitant. My brain seemed to short-circuit as a hundred conflicting thoughts fought for dominance. My hands tightened around his, the one still in my lap, as if it was all that was holding me to the planet. After what seemed like too long and not nearly long enough, he pulled away.

A gentle sigh escaped his lips as he stood, pulling me up after him. “Come along, songbird. I think we could both use a rest.” The nickname sent a thrill through me, but I was still trying to process the fact that I could still feel the impression of his lips on mine as he walked us back to the hotel.

As soon as we made it back to the room, I let myself collapse on the bed and threw an arm over my face. Obi-Wan stood by the door for a moment before gingerly laying down near me, leaving about a foot of space between us. We stayed silent, letting what had just happened sink in. I swore I could feel him there beside me, even without the Force letting me feel the brush of his energy against mine. My heart ached for him to kiss me again, as if the kiss had unleashed all the feelings I’d been holding back, but my mind rebelled against the wrongness of it.

“How long?” His voice was quiet but broke the silence abruptly. I removed my arm from my face and rolled onto my side to look at him. His face was pensive as he stretched out on his side of the bed. “How long have you… y’know…”

“There wasn’t an exact moment really,” I said, deciding he might as well have the truth. We were both going home with a secret now, so there didn’t seem much danger in getting it all off my chest. “It was sort of gradual since we met. Little things adding up. When I realized what it was, it frightened me and I started trying to avoid you. Then our masters started teaming up and I couldn’t do that anymore, so I-” I flushed and dropped my gaze, embarrassed at the childish logic I’d been following. “I thought if I was rude enough to you, got you to dislike me, perhaps they’d start keeping us apart themselves and take the matter out of my hands.”

“Oh, Sky,” he whispered and reached out to rest his hand on my cheek. “Darling, I’m so sorry you were going through that.”

As much as I liked his touch, I eased out from under it. “You know we can’t. If anyone found out, we could lose our place in the order.”

“Not necessarily,” he mused, toying with the end of my braid where it lay between us. “Plenty of masters have… arrangements with each other. Even ours.” He laughed at the shocked expression on my face. “Did you never wonder why they suddenly started partnering up for missions?”

I gave a single laugh and shook my head. “That does explain a lot.” I watched him stroking his fingers over my braid, thinking over his words. “So, what are you suggesting? That we, what, give in to this and just keep it a secret?” 

“What if we just, for the time being, try to be friends? Not to be presumptuous but you seem like you could use someone to talk to, someone other than your master. And I could use the same, often enough. It would be nice to have someone aside from Qui Gon to confide in. And while it might surprise you, I’m actually rather fond of you when you’re not spewing venom at me.”

That did draw out a laugh and rolled my eyes, letting myself shift ever so slightly closer. I was still worried about what would happen if we got caught, but I knew I was just waiting to be talked into it. “What about the rest of it?”

“The way I see it,” he murmured, following my lead and inching closer, “if the others can do it, and we keep it from affecting our assignments, there’s no reason we can’t, too.” He released my braid to stroke his fingertips down my arm, making me shiver and crumbling the remains of my restraint.

“No reason at all.” My whisper turned to a gasp as the space between us vanished and his body covered mine.

The following few days served as a test of our new ‘arrangement’. We met with each of our appointments, finding our supposed marriage easier to fake now that we weren’t so stiff around each other. Smiles and teasing were lighter, no longer edged with tension. By the time we received the call to return to the temple, we were working together as well as any team. On the journey home, we agreed on a story, sticking close enough to the truth without having to divulge the more scandalous details.

We gave our report to the council and returned to our routines as we waited for our masters to return from Malastare. We meditated together every morning in the courtyard, as we’d been instructed to, and separated for other lessons throughout the day before meeting back up in one of our rooms after dinner. It was a comfortable routine and, for the first time in years, I felt genuinely at home in the temple. Though we both knew we were playing a risky game, we were both happier and more at ease than ever. I still felt the uncomfortable nagging feeling that something terrible was coming, but knowing I would have Obi-Wan at my back, I felt ready to handle anything.

#star wars #star wars fanfiction #obi wan x reader #obi wan #obi wan kenobi #oc fanfiction #oc x canon #star wars oc #obi wan x oc #songbird

[adirtnap]

game tier list twenty twenty two

2022 was the year of every video game being five or more video games at the same time. games were deckbuilding AND basebuilding AND roguelite AND fishing AND farmingsims. i don't think this worked out TOO well but i can see the appeal and i hope we can make a good one sometime!

game of the year 2022:

celeste!! the best and only video game. video, space, game. this is the peak of the genre, which is understandable because it is also the only game that exists.

it's just so FUN. like, first i play celeste as a vocation AND THEN when i'm exhausted i turn off celeste, sit for a sec, and think, "ah, time for some light fun. let's play a bit of celeste."

S tier (video games of all time)

mm rando ("Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask Randomizer, allsanity settings") this shit is so fun?? it's so fun. i will play this every year

inscryption ohhhhh man did someone have fun making this game and it SHOWS. some guy that i bet really likes and appreciates magic the gathering made a video game about: what if you played magic the gathering and it mattered SO MUCH. what if everything in your world was to enable you having a good and terrible time playing (original and realllly well-designed?) trading card games. and he was RIGHT and i had a good and terrible time

dwarf fortress!!! i first played dorf fort in 2012. i learned to play it alongside a guy i'd just met on study abroad because we were bored nerds. he is now my best friend. i have loved this game for TEN YEARS!! i once met derek yu (spelunky etcetera) at a very nice party and extremely embarrassingly trapped him in a conversation so i could talk about how good dwarf fortress is. he was very gracious and understandably uncomfortable. i like this game a LOT a lot. but, for every year i've loved dorf fort, i haven't really been able to recommend it to anyone. "hey, do you want to play a game that is so fucking hard and annoying to learn?" the answer is not usually "oh yeah for sure"

everything about the new UI-remake is good. they took the "impossible to learn" out of the sentence that i have so many times said, "this game is brilliant and enchanting and also impossible to learn." (the game is now fully "and also.") they did a good one.

A tier (delightful games)

elden ring my computer was too sad to keep playing this, and i am sad about that. it was GREAT, everything about it was as delightful as the darksoul and more. i can't wait to finish it (and probably give it s-tier) when computer good

fortnite they finally made a good battle royale and it is fortnite. good job i like my friends and this game is what i did with them a lot.

super mario sunshine perfect nintendo-y game. filled with little guys of all kinds. i will play this every year

the barnacle goose experiment horror abiogenesis autoclicker!!

sayonara wild hearts GOOOOD soundtrack good game

B tier (really fun games)

vampire survivors this is the most video game ever. i've heard it described as "the best video game of 2003." i've also heard the developer used to program gambling-machine animations. i would have played this on the school bus on the way to highschool. it rules

neon white really fun, zøooomy. i don't have the patience to find microoptimizations in levels to beat my friends, but DANG is playing each level for the first time fun. the writing was cringe AND free, it made me smile

C tier (games i liked)

citizen sleeper to paraphrase shannon: a dnd-videogame except for friends at the table enjoyers. i really liked that every choice felt limited but intentional, rather than disco's fuck-you kinda dice rolls. but, the sell was: "things… are happening. hmmmm what could they be?" which was not strong enough to keep me deeply invested. i'll keep going back and playing little by little

helltaker it's like eight minutes long and it's full of newgrounds drawings of demongirls. it's not a good game. i liked it a lot

D tier (games i did not like)

loop hero. backpack hero. slice and dice. dicey dungeons these are all the same game and they are all different variations of boring

cult of the lamb ANOTHER five-games-in-one that added up to… one-half of a good game? the fighting is like worse hades, the farming sim is like worse dontstarve. the minigames are ok. it was fine

subnautica LOVE a shark! but the game was brought down by the "you have to find a tiny item in a huge ocean and if you do not you cannot progress or you will miss major parts of the story" and also "find that tiny item on a short clock with constant danger." i ended up using the wiki, and shortly after ended up reading the plot because that was more fun than playing the lategame

however, many good moments of "oh wow yikes that's a fuckoff big shark huh" which i DID enjoy

death's door not a bad time but not for me. i think i'd rather play tunic (i haven't played tunic)

F tier (i hate it)

deathloop THEY BIOSHOCK-POISONED THIS GAME SO BAD

the concept of a majora's-mask-plus-dishonored-problem-solving-shooter? quite good. this game? really sucks. this game is the sum of every boring-but-sells lesson internalized by marketing departments on the success of "the genius of environmental storytelling," but instead of genuinely funny bits (like left4dead2's graffiti!), they went for an utterly bland "THIS UTOPIA? DIDN'T WORK OUT HUH"

also the core mechanic just wasn't very fun, was it, it just didn't work. they made it a pretty good fps and also a ~nothing else~

the upside was the art direction which: was good enough to do environmental storytelling with! it makes me mad that some goooood art got wasted on this game

hon. mentions

madness in square garden, for having a good name watching someone else play outer wilds

#posting

[books-are-my-life-stuff]

(WARNING: This review will cover the series in its entirety, including the manga, so there will be major spoilers ahead, please tread carefully. This is also a VERY, VERY lengthy review. Should you decide to read this, it's recommended to read this from my blog instead of dashboard/search.)

Mashle: Magic and Muscles! At long last, I am finally able to talk about this series in its entirety since the series' original manga has ended, and the anime has finished its first season too. This is one of the two series that I followed regularly this season other than OnK.

So, I have been keeping an eye on this series for quite a while. It all started when one of my favorite artists from a well-known series that I love as well, has moved fandom to this series. From that time, they started drawing artwork, posting manga screenshots, and retweeting various artworks of this series, which interest me. But when I decided to follow the series, an anime adaptation was announced, so I held off from reading the manga and watching the anime first, then if it was good enough I'd pick up the manga.

So, what makes me look forward to this series every week? I will talk about this series as a whole, what I like about it, and my criticism of it. These are just my thoughts and opinions, your mileage may vary.

Since this review will be very long, I'll put separate sections between them to help me organize my thoughts. No promises on how "organized" this ends up being, though. Most of these are just my endless rambling and word vomit.

I. GENERAL

As I have mentioned in my OnK review, this show is more of a personal favorite of mine than an objectively great series, which is why I recommend OnK more than this. When I first watched this show, I was thrown off at how strange and weird it is, but in a good way.

The story is about a boy named Mash Burnedead, who can't use magic, who lived a peaceful life with his adoptive father while eating cream puffs and doing muscle training deep in a forest away from the city. In Mashle universe, anyone who cannot use magic should be killed, so when the cops found out about his lack of magic power, they went to hunt him down. Mash managed to survive the ambush and protected his father thanks to the result of his diligent muscle training, but his peaceful life was forever robbed...until one of the cops gave him a deal that he had no choice but to agree on or else he'd be hunted down forever: enter the magic school and become the next Divine Visionary, without any magic.

The premise and the setting seem bleak--a world full of discrimination--but this is, above everything else, a comedy, gag, and parody manga, that sometimes you forgot that the characters live in a terrible world. If you are familiar with a certain magic academy franchise, you'll see there are just so many aspects in this series parodying and criticizing that specific franchise. From the magic high school concept, uniform design, the dorm system, and how students are assigned to the dorms, even one of the sports and some of the characters' designs and personalities, are parodies of that franchise. This is great for me because I've always wanted to remove that franchise away from my memory. This and Wit.ch H.at A.tel.ier are the series I need to forever erase that franchise from my mind, replacing it with better series.

I think the main selling point of this series is how Mash will find his way to solve his problems despite lacking any magic potential. Keep in mind that it's implied Mash is not the only magicless person in the universe, he's just the only one that survived at the moment. There are potentially a lot of other magicless people like him, but they've been exterminated without mercy. So, he's not a special person by any means, he just happens to be the only one who can survive thanks to his adoptive father. And thanks to his adoptive father's patience, as well as his kindness when raising him, Mash can grow up and remain a kindhearted person, even in a cruel world that wishes him to drop dead, all the way to the final chapter. That does not mean his kindness and patience are boundless--he's more than capable of feeling upset if his enemies cross the line--but he's still generally a good-hearted person.

Of course, it's nothing new for the protagonist of the series to face any kind of discrimination with kindness and willpower, which is common in a lot of shounen mangas, but I always find Mash's journey to be inspiring, and heartwarming for me. And of course, hilarious. Yes, don't forget that this is a comedy and gag manga first and foremost. So the main focus of this series will often be the comedy and gag, but beneath it lies a heartwarming journey that is actually nothing unique or groundbreaking, but consistent and fun.

Which brings us to the ultimate question: what do you expect from this series? I think the reason why Mashle remains under the radar on the Western side even after the anime's adaptation is that people are often expecting something more than just "Mash finding a way to solve problems and defeating enemies without magic". They expect more battles and more action than comedy, even though Mashle focuses more on the latter. There will be more action and backstory akin to the shounen-demographic series in a similar vein, but this series is often about Mash performing a ridiculous feat without magic and everyone freaking out about it. That's what makes this series as it is. That's what makes the series extremely fun to watch and read for me. Mash didn't just use his muscle to power through things or kill enemies in one punch, but he also uses his spontaneous thinking to outsmart his enemies. A lot of his enemies are not easily defeated with just a punch, some of them are even invulnerable. The interesting part is how Mash gets through the enemies' gimmicks with the limited tools that he has: muscles, sports skills, spontaneous thinking, cream puffs, and some sassy words. That, I think, is what makes Mashle entertaining, and gives a different feel compared to the other shounen-demographic series. It rarely takes itself seriously, because this is a comedy manga. Mash's incredible and nonsensical feats, including his friends' reactions, are part of the gag in this series. But this series also has some surprisingly heartwarming and tear-jerking moments slipped between all the laughs, which can throw people off guard, including me.

That is the kind of series Mashle is for me, and what makes me like it a lot. It's not fully serious, you are not supposed to take it seriously despite the bleak premise, and if you are into a life journey of a good simple-minded boy who fights through discrimination for the sake of his family and friends through strength and spontaneous thinking, if you are into series who are just absurd and nonsensical but fun, then this is for you. It's not for everyone, but it's very popular in Japan (and apparently France too). You can give this a shot if that kind of series is what you are into. Just make sure you prepare a cream puff and a cup of hot tea because cream puffs are everything in this world!

II. STORY

Mashle is often promoted as an "abnormal magical fantasy with an easy-to-follow story", and it's true for me. The plot never goes way too convoluted or complicated. It stays on the rail, is simple, and is consistent from the beginning until the end. I've seen people call it boring since there's not really much of a plot twist and sometimes the outcome of the battles is predictable. However, in my opinion, sometimes simple and easy-to-understand plots are better than plots that are too difficult to follow. This makes Mashle a series that can be enjoyed by many people, a series that you don't need to think much about, just take a seat and enjoy the ride.

This does mean there will be a lack of discussion and speculation about the story due to how simple it is, but I don't think it's a bad thing. I like enjoying a straightforward story as a refresher from a tiring or stressful day. From the beginning, you might be able to predict that this story will end happily, and eventually, Mash will be able to live happily and safely with his family and friends. He will be the next Divine Visionary, people will admit his strength and no longer discriminate against him anymore. Perhaps you can already see that kind of ending from miles away.

However, the journey is what's important. What kind of hardships, and what kind of road that Mash has to traverse in order to be a Divine Visionary and regain his peaceful life with his family back? What kind of fight that he has to go through, and difficulties that he has to endure? Following Mash's strange, hilarious, and heartwarming journey is very entertaining. It almost feels like the reader is a part of them (Finn often being the character that calls out Mash's ridiculous feats and explains everything that's happened so as to not leave the audience/reader behind), and when Mash does get what he wants, it is portrayed like a bird leaving its nest. Looking back at everything that's happened, even a happy, predictable ending that you probably can guess miles away, is much more welcome. It's especially helped by the fact that the series rarely overstays its welcome--it's only 162 chapters, and possibly three seasons of the anime. It's long, but not too long to be exhausting to follow. I am never a fan of series that goes on for way too long, which is why I rarely follow the big shounen-demographic series nowadays, and would rather enjoy whatever series that I'm interested in.

Being shounen-demographic series, this of course has some common elements such as power levels, tournament and training arcs, and plenty of battles. There are some generic shounen-demographic series elements here and there despite it being a parody, but battles usually don't last for too long, save for some exceptions. There are some battles that happen just because they had to, and some battles are less entertaining and less relevant than others, but since those don't go for way too long, I can deal with that. There were some battles that went on for too long, which I will talk about later.

What's strange about Mashle is how important Mash's role is in keeping the charm of the story, because there's almost no one in the cast that can maintain the original charm of the series other than him. He's the main character and the (partial) titular character, yes, but as I said, the main part that intrigues me about the series first and foremost is the ridiculous and absurd feats of Mash to overcome challenges offered by his enemies. It's unfair that he hogs most of the spotlight to the point that some main characters didn't get their chance (some still don't, even until the final chapter), I'm pretty sure Hajime Komoto, the series' original creator, at some point, realized that, which was why Mash got knocked out of commission twice.

However, when other characters do get the chance to shine in the final arc, while it's great to see and learn more about them, Mashle becomes the standard shounen-demographic series and I find myself missing Mash's existence in the series a lot when he was absent. The unique comedy and gags that are mostly from Mash's ridiculous antics are missing, and the series lacks the charm that appeals to me in the first place. I understand Komoto-sensei's decision, it's necessary to give the main characters more depth and more moments (Volume 13 of Mashle is one of my favorites for a reason), but it dragged for a little too long. Master Doom's fight in particular is the one battle where it started to go on for a little too long for my liking. The Innocent Zero fight was the worst offender, though, as it knocked Mash out of the picture AGAIN, and things went a little too serious and too grim, even for Mashle's standard. Yes, it gave moments to the other characters, but what's annoying about the Innocent Zero fight is that he's like a classic RPG boss with multiple forms, so even when Mash regains his consciousness, the battle still drags on for several chapters until it finally ended properly at chapter 160. The comedy and gag elements that are usually present were completely missing when Mash was on the verge of losing during the final hour against Innocent Zero's final form as well.

I've seen some criticism coming from the final arc as well, so I'm not the only one who thinks the final arc went a little too long, which is odd because this case only happened at the final arc. Usually, Komoto-sensei knew the right length for a fight, but Master Doom and Innocent Zero fights were annoyingly lengthy.

Despite some problems here and there, Mashle is still a greatly entertaining series story-wise. This being Komoto-sensei's first series (his other works prior to Mashle are one-shots) is amazing already. Komoto-sensei did say in one of the Q&A corners that Mashle was intended to be short and sweet, but he was determined to give Mash true happiness before truly wrapping things up, thus ending up making the series longer than it was initially planned. It's relieving that Komoto-sensei never wanted the series to overstay its welcome.

III. CHARACTERS

In this section I will talk at length about my top three favorite characters of this series, briefly about my fourth and fifth favorites alongside honorable mentions, then my criticism about this series' characterization.

Mash Burnedead (& Regro Burnedead)

I love this cream puff-loving boy so damn much. Being the main protagonist, he has the advantage of carrying this series' main charm and unique points, as I have explained in the Story section. Seriously, it's unfair that he hogs most of the spotlight in the series but Mashle lacked the unique gags and comedies without him, he's the reason why this series was so entertaining in the first place. He stuttered whenever he tried to lie, he brought cream puffs in his robes and ate them ANYWHERE, including in the final boss fight, he wants to be a patissier and live happily, he sassed everyone no matter who they are, he masters a lot of sports, and he just never stops being confident despite everything...I just can't help but to root for him. Especially because he's a marginalized person in the magic society, a lot of people really went out of their way to make his life difficult or kill him, but he never lost his kindness. As Rayne ever described in his fight against Macaron, Mash fights against his fate. Mash never hates himself and regrets why he is born in this unforgiving society. He never laments about his lack of magic. Even his father once apologized for not being able to give him a normal life, but Mash instead said how happy he was for all the good things that happened in his life: his father always looking out for him, experiencing school life, having great friends, and eating a lot of cream puffs. He also has a really strong determination to keep going no matter what, no matter how brutally injured he is, he wants to stay alive for the sake of living in peace. He is honestly admirable.

And the reason why he becomes the person that can inspire (and surprise) people around him is because of his adoptive father, Regro Burnedead. Regro is someone who is born without amazing magic skills, and from him, we learn that even people that have magic, if the magic is not powerful enough or follows society's standard, those people will be shunned from society as well. The magic world is truly an unforgiving place, so much so that Regro attempted to jump out of the building because he didn't feel like he was needed anywhere...until he found baby Mash abandoned. He found that Mash didn't have a mark on his face (thus magicless), and from there Regro felt like he had to shelter the baby or he'd be killed. For the first time in his life, Regro felt like he was needed, so he was determined to take care of Mash with everything he got and taught him with kindness and care. Regro probably didn't realize back then, that he had undone the generational trauma rooted in this society by raising Mash with kindness. And because of Regro's teaching that Mash can survive in this cruel world, make many friends and allies, and eventually, change the world and society of the magic world as a whole.

It's honestly difficult to talk about how much I love Mash without talking about how much of a great father Regro is, especially in the magic world where most parents there are downright awful people who determine their children's worth from their magic, and can easily dispose of them. So, to see a wholesome family relationship and how big of an impact it makes is really nice, and heartwarming. It also pays off in Chapter 158:

This chapter is one of my favorites of the series as well because Mash had finally gotten the appreciation and reward of his endless effort for a right to stay alive and live peacefully with his family and friends. On top of that, his father expressed how much he's proud of him, and Mash replied by saying that it's Regro's teaching that made him able to reach this far, it really hits me. This is supposed to be a gag manga and I'm crying! Over this wholesome father and son relationship! As if this chapter cannot get any better, Mash visibly smiled at the end and expressed how happy he is to meet everyone...god, I love this series. I love Mash and his father. Regro adopting Mash is what caused the chain of events in this series to happen, and the world could change to be better. Imagine if Mash had stayed with his original father who only wanted to use him...the world would surely have become worse. I'm glad that Regro is Mash's de facto father and the only one he wants to consider as his father, not Innocent Zero.

And in the final chapter, I am happy that while he is still the first magicless Divine Visionary, he wants to focus more on his dream: to be a patissier, and he lets Lance handle the celebration formalities (poor Lance). He becomes a Divine Visionary so he can live peacefully with his family and friends, stop discrimination and change society for the better, but he still wants to make cream puffs forever. On top of that, he has erased his fake magic mark and can finally live as himself, no longer pretending to be someone he isn't to avoid being persecuted. His love for cream puffs is never-ending, and so too is his love for his family and friends. I love him, and I'm so glad he's living happily with his friends.

2. Finn Ames

Honestly, if you know how often I like the younger sibling character in a complicated sibling relationship, it's not hard to tell why I would like Finn a lot. But before getting into that part, let's talk about Finn in order. For the beginning of the series--hell, even for the entire season 1--we don't know what he's capable of. What kind of magic that he has, and if he will or can do anything at all. Apart from the basic magic used to silence Mandragora in Episode 5 of the anime, Finn does not use any magic at all. Even in the fights, he only stood on the sidelines and did absolutely nothing other than be scared and cry. I don't blame people who watch only the anime to think about Finn as a mere hindrance to the team, I saw and heard that criticism a lot, and I will not blame them to think that way. Hell, if you're anime-only and decide to read this post for whatever reason, you might be wondering why I like Finn so much.

The thing about Finn is that his character development is very slow, and takes a while to get there. Unlike other characters who get their moments and even their own battles even early in the series to show what they're capable of and what their characters are, Finn is not like that. He's similar to Ruby (of OnK) in being the main character who barely has their moments until much, much later. And once he gets his moments, it pays off so damn well. Finn's moments are rare but when he does get the spotlight, it's great. You will not see it until the second season, but there would be a time when Finn had to fight a powerful student from the Orca dormitory, Carpaccio, alone. Then at that time, Finn would finally use his personal magic, and that was also the time that marked Finn's character development. Finn in the past would turn around and run, or give up everything that he had to avoid being killed, but after his meeting with Mash, Finn has slowly changed to be a better person. He finally has the courage and determination to stand up against people who bully, belittle, and cruelly compare him with his brother. He might be scared, his magic is support/utility-based and thus he cannot attack or do much, but he would not abandon his friend and would protect them even if it meant he'd risk himself getting killed. This is the result of Mash standing up for him against Lloyd Cavill for Finn's sake at the beginning of the series, Finn has become a loyal and admirable character, especially for the sake of his friends. And the time Finn spent together with his friends, the encouragement he shared for Mash when he gave up on studying, how much the moments he shared with his friends motivated him to keep going even when things are dire... there are just so many moments to showcase that Finn has truly grown since the first time we met him, later on in the story.

Now, let's talk about Finn's complicated sibling relationship. Having a big brother who's basically a genius prodigy in everything he's doing can make his life hard. The characters in the series would often compare him and Rayne, he's best known as "Rayne's little brother" than as himself, and it didn't help that Finn and Rayne's sibling relationship was best described as "strained". Finn thought it was his lack of notable magic skills that made his brother disappointed and eventually kept a distance. After discovering that wasn't the case, Finn could finally stand up on his ground and, despite his lack of offensive magic skills, managed to assist his brother in the fight against Delisaster. And it's not just a mere assistance either, Finn is the healer of the group, and no matter how powerful Rayne was, even he could not handle the enemy who regenerated every time. Finn's healing spell, after training with one of the Visionaries, could outpace a regeneration from the enemy and eventually, helped Rayne not just to survive the fight, but also defeated Delisaster. At this point, Finn has changed from someone who could only helplessly watch the fight unfold, to the person who is very needed for the team's survival, thanks to his magic being improved to a healing spell. The brothers also have mended their strained relationship, and they can finally learn to accept each other's help and be more open as well. Finn's character development genuinely fascinates me, he's such a sweet-hearted boy who tries his best despite his lack of abilities, and he is very loyal too. Even when he's scared and cries, once you understand his situation, his reactions make a lot of sense. I love him so much.

The catch? If you are anime-only, you will not be seeing any of these awesome Finn moments for a while. The battle against Carpaccio? Probably happens in mid-Season 2 of the anime. The explanation of Finn and Rayne's strained relationship? Won't happen until either the third or fourth season depending on how far season 2 will adapt the story. Finn is noticeably less popular than his brother because he needed a while to get his impactful moments. So, yeah, I won't be able to explain why I like Finn without spoiling the story later on. For now, you will only know him as the tsukkomi of the group who reacted to Mash's ridiculous antics, and the person who stands on the sidelines as the battle unfolds. Doesn't change that I still like him a lot after reading the manga, and I'm glad I decided to read it, otherwise, I'm not sure I would like Finn as much as I do now.

3. Rayne Ames

The mysterious prodigy from Adler dorm, the youngest and newest Divine Visionary before the final chapter, and Finn's older brother. Also arguably the most popular character in Mashle (if the comments on his debut episode, the number of fanworks related to him, and the overpriced Rayne merchandises sold in second-hand stores are anything to go by). He made a cameo in the first episode when he was newly chosen as the Divine Visionary, indicating that he would be an important character later on. Well, he is kind of an important character, but he never reaches the position of a main character, since he wasn't present that often. But when he did, the impact he made was meaningful.

It's not difficult to see why Rayne is incredibly popular, because I think he's near flawless as a character in a series where every character at least has flaws somewhere. People like characters that are shrouded in mystery. There was little that we knew about him until his proper debut episode, and when he finally made an entrance to the scene, he definitely left a strong first impression. Stabbing an enemy with giant magic swords and proceeded to call the enemy "trash" while beating the hell out of the said enemy, then moments later he gave Mash a bunny-patterned handkerchief. Immediately, we are shown the gap between Rayne's harsh and cold personality and the hidden sweet side that's indicated by his adoration of bunnies.

People love characters with gap moe. In case you don't know, gap moe is a term used to describe how a character acts/looks in a different way than how they usually do, and Rayne is a perfect example of that. He never smiles, he always looks tired, annoyed, and serious. He even got visibly angry and beat down the enemy while calling them trash. You wouldn't expect someone like him to like bunnies so much he had a magical pink-colored handkerchief with cute bunny patterns. You wouldn't expect someone like him to protect Mash, speak for him, and even bowed in front of his seniors for his sake, potentially risking his position as the Divine Visionary. You wouldn't expect someone like him to shut himself in his room after finishing his class/work, then threw chopped carrots all over his room as he fell asleep while his twenty (or more) pet rabbits nibbled on the food he had scattered around, sometimes they also nibbled him. My assumption is that Komoto-sensei was possibly trying to make his adoration for bunnies his weak point to make him less cool, but it wasn't even a weak point. In fact, it's his strength! It backfired and Rayne became a flawless character in Mashle. And that's not even including how he's arguably the most powerful student of Easton, having a third line as a sign of how strong his magical prowess is and can summon God of War. No wonder people love him so much, including myself. He's so popular even more than Mash himself.

At least, until the final arc we get to see his imperfections, which were hinted at a little bit after his fight against Macaron. He said that he was never good at encouraging people, and he definitely proved that. He told Finn to leave when he found out Finn was training under Kaldo (one of the Divine Visionaries) to improve his magic and participate in the battle against Innocent Zero. When Finn successfully opened the way to the enemy's lair, Rayne didn't even say anything. Even when they decided to handle one of Innocent Zero's sons, Delisaster, together, the first thing that he did after saving Finn from Delisaster's ramblings was shove Finn out of the way and called him a burden. Things went south pretty quickly as Rayne was overwhelmed by Delisaster's power and his regeneration skill, and that's when we got to know why Rayne decided to be distant from Finn. Being a Divine Visionary, his goal was to create a better world where orphans (like him and Finn) can live happily. His ambitious goal could cause backlash from society and as a result, would put people close to him in danger, which was why he created a rift between him and Finn, telling Finn to live a normal life while he handled the dirty jobs. Eventually, Finn and Rayne's heart-to-heart moments mended the rift between them and they could stand up together again as a family.

Rayne is an odd character. I like him when he first appeared because of how cool he is and how he radiated the caring senpai aura that doesn't show his soft side often. My opinion of him hit rock bottom when he told Finn to leave. But I like him again and even more after learning his backstory and after he solved the issues between him and Finn. It's also implied in the final chapter (from the panel where Finn was happily surrounded by Rayne's pet bunnies and how Finn acted so casually around him) that they've mended the rift between them and become close brothers again. I think my opinion of him generally improved after knowing that he's not as perfect as the series made him up to be. While I don't like him as much as I like Finn, he's still one of my top favorites that I'll happily talk about.

4. Lance Crown & Dot Barrett

I put these two together because their dynamic is interesting and they're also pretty good individually as well.

Let's start off with Lance. We all know Lance has issues, it's even spelled outright in his debut episode. At first, he only had his little sister in his mind, and his goal was to save her and nothing else. Later on, he met Mash and everyone. By the time he fought Wirth, Lance has started to feel some sort of care for his new friends, despite the short time they spent together, but it's only implied because Lance possibly hadn't figured out what he actually felt for his friends and whether or not the care he felt for his friends was the same or different from the one for his sister. And that's the point of his moments most of the time. He eventually realized that his sister is no longer the only person he cares about in the world, and he slowly but surely cares for his friends to the point of even risking himself to save them. The battle against Epidem meant a lot to him, defeating Epidem would mean curing his severely ill sister, but he decided to take the lethal blow directed at Dot because he holds his friends dear to him. Lance never shows his actual feelings, what he says to his friends may or may not contradict what he actually feels (or tsundere in other words), but he's still a good person who cares for his friends as much as he cares for his little sister--not that he wants to admit it.

And that's the thing with Lance, I think his character was meant to evoke complicated feelings. If we decided to ignore the elephant in the room which was Lance's severe issues, he'd be a flawless character. But Lance would be a completely different character without the severe issue that he has, so it's hard to ignore that. In the end, even though he returns to his usual self, he seems to not mind hanging out with his friends anymore, introduced them to his sister, and thanks his friends for the help against Epidem which cured her illness, which is heartwarming to see Lance finally being honest to his feelings for his friends. His sister being healthy again, even joined the friend group (and possibly entered Easton as well), made Lance smile happily at the cover of the final chapter. It's nice to see the Crown siblings can finally live happily without any of them being in life-threatening danger anymore.

Dot is the complete opposite of Lance. He always puts his heart on his sleeve, and his emotions are clear and shown through his face and action (especially because his hidden power is related to emotion). If he cares for his friends, then he makes it clear that it's what he feels. If he likes someone, then he will express it in his own way. At first, you may find Dot as an annoying sidekick who desperately wants a girlfriend and blames others (specifically Mash and Lance) for his unpopularity. But Dot's character growth becomes pretty interesting. Later on, he would arguably have the most patience in dealing with Mash's antics, become a tsukkomi duo with Finn who freaks out over everything that Mash is doing together, sometimes even plays along with Mash's shenanigans (or forced to), and he is very loyal to his friends too. His brash attitude may turn off people, but his brash and always charging head-on attitude is what makes him stand out more than Lance, Mash, and even Finn in some ways who tend to find a way to outsmart their enemies.

That being said, Dot was also one of the main characters that didn't get explored much. We knew he was an Ira Kreuz, we knew that once his emotion hit a certain threshold, he unlocked a huge amount of power that made him could compete with even the more powerful third-liner magicians. But there was no further explanation or lore behind this Ira Kreuz anymore. His family also got very little spotlight, even though he has a really cool big sister she never appeared that much. It's unknown if his big sister was also an Ira Kreuz just like him, which could be an interesting subplot of Dot's family. Thinking back, there really was a lot of opportunities to explore more of Dot's backstory, from the Divine Visionary Exam arc, but Komoto-sensei didn't take the chance. It's a shame, but at least his current personality and his relationship with other characters helped to fill the visible gaps, and I still like him a lot. His moments with Lance at the training arc and the final arc were really great too, they fight a lot but it's clear that they care and will protect each other. They're also basically Orter's students now! Orter even has a picture of him alongside Lance and Dot on his desk, which is very cute.

5. Abyss Razor

I wasn't expecting to like him a lot, especially after he revealed his backstory. He was another example of why the society of the magic world is really fucked up. Abyss happened to have an Anti-Magic eye that cancels all magic directed at him, and when his parents knew about that, he was locked inside the cell, only got fed whenever the parents remembered, and finally, his mother attempted to kill her while saying "I should've never given a birth to you!". All of those happened when he was around 10 years old. So, he ran away, living his life in solitude and isolation, enduring hatred from people around him, until he met Abel who wanted to use him as a tool. Not for long, fortunately. Abel eventually sees him as an important person to him and not just a tool anymore after Magia Lupus Arc finished.

After living his entire life being a pariah to magic society, Abyss finally felt a sense of belonging when Abel wanted him to join Magia Lupus, even as a tool initially. Hearing all of this story, Mash realized how privileged he was for being raised in a nice environment and having a great adoptive parent, he said he couldn't even imagine himself being in Abyss' position, but Mash thought about Abyss' story a lot during the rest of the arc. Mash emphasized that his attitude would not change just because of Abyss' Anti-Magic, regardless of what other people would think, and hoped they could have cream puffs together.

Abyss' undying loyalty left him injured to protect Abel from Cell War, but he managed to survive thanks to Mash giving Rayne's magical handkerchief to keep Abyss' injury from being fatal. Afterwards, Mash alongside Abyss can finally eat cream puffs together, as promised. I really like how after the Magia Lupus Arc has concluded, Abyss is now a genuinely nice person who wishes all the best for Mash and will support him however he can. His undying loyalty to people he cares about often bites him back, as proven in the battle against Domina later on, but I just adore Abyss' kindness and loyalty so much, especially after knowing his backstory. I like him. He's just another victim of the ruthless society, and once the battles are done, he will gladly befriend Mash and the main characters too.

Honorable Mention 1: Domina Blowlive

When the stage was set for Mash vs. Domina battle, I'd had enough of troubled siblings in Mashle universe, especially when it didn't really appeal to me because I didn't have strong feelings for the characters involved in it, like Madl siblings and Rosequartz siblings. It makes sense for a lot of sibling conflicts to be a common occurrence in a society where magic is everything and determines one's value, but I didn't feel much attachment for Madl and Rosequarts siblings, because I didn't have strong feelings for the individuals involved in it. For me, to get invested in a fictional relationship, platonic or romantic, it's necessary for me to like the two (or more) characters involved in it. I'm a sucker for complicated sibling relationships, but if I didn't care enough for the characters involved in them, I wouldn't be invested. So, when Domina was shown to have a similar sibling issue for Mash and the rest of Innocent Zero's sons (but especially Mash), I thought this wouldn't work out.

Turns out I unexpectedly liked Domina a lot after the battle was concluded. I didn't like him at first because of how temperamental he is, but after he accepted Mash's handshake, and saved Mash twice at the cost of his life, I like him, and I ended up getting a little invested in him and Mash's troubled siblings relationship. Not as much as I did for Ames brothers, but I like it and I'm glad he's resurrected and can live happily in the final episode along with everyone. As Mash said in his final "speech", he's just a boy who wants to be loved by his parent as his son, not as a tool.

Honorable Mention 2: Ryoh Grantz

Characters who often boast their powers, prattle on and on about how amazing they are, and narcissistic, are often only bark and no bite. I'm glad that Ryoh is not falling into that stereotype. He's very strong, it's no wonder why he's considered the greatest magician in the magic world. He often boasts a lot about himself and has a lot of confidence, which can be annoying at first, but he means well for all of that. He is putting a front in order to keep the citizens safe and not panicking, and as the leader of the Divine Visionary, he also has the responsibility to take care of his fellow soldiers, especially when Finn, Lance, and Dot joined the final fight against Innocent Zero. And even when he's nearing death's door, he still holds tight to his ideals. "Ryoh Grantz and the Definition of Handsome" is such a meaningful title once I got to read the chapter and learned what happened. I thought he would be a joke character, but now I greatly respect and like him. He's truly one of the greatest humankind in the magic world.

Honorable Mention 3: Lemon Irvine (& how she is doomed by narrative)

Lemon is a character that I truly wish I could like more, but in the end, she only could reach the third honorable mention, for reasons that I will explain below. I like Lemon's design, it's simple and cute. Her delusional but cheerful and studious personality is also very amusing and relatable, at least for me. It helps that the anime made her more gorgeous and she's voiced by one of my favorite seiyuus. As one of the main characters, she had a lot of potential to be as great as her friends...but it didn't happen.

See, the thing is, Komoto-sensei initially wanted to make all-male main casts, but his then-editor told him to create a girl character in the main group. His then-editor said that his manga wouldn't be able to be popular if it didn't have a girl in the main cast, so Komoto-sensei created Lemon, even though he was not used to drawing girls before. So, Lemon exists at the request of his then-editor.

It's honestly very apparent that Komoto-sensei wasn't really sure what to do with her. Heck, there were even times when I genuinely thought Komoto-sensei probably forgot about her. She only primarily appeared in the Easton entrance exam arc, and after that, she felt more like a supporting character than a main character. She was barely present in most of the story, and she even barely appeared in the final arc either, even though that arc was supposed to be when characters other than Mash got their chance to shine. Not to mention, she didn't get any backstory explanation, at all. She's more underdeveloped than most of the villains in the series! I have no issue with her having a huge crush on Mash and being a little too delusional about it, she is fifteen. Her possessiveness kinda weirds me out a little, and that's a consequence of what happened with her character as a whole. I just wish Komoto-sensei explored her character and background more and gave her more spotlight. It was mentioned in her debut episode that her parents live in poverty, which was why she was so determined to attend Easton Magic Academy and get accepted. There was so much potential from there, Komoto-sensei should have explored more about her family circumstances, what are the causes that made her immediately latch on to Mash, and perhaps a heart-to-heart talk with Mash (not necessarily need to be in a romantic sense), because if Lemon claims herself as the future wife of Mash then she should start talking about her past. Something... just more about her characters! All of her moments are directly related to Mash, she never gets to shine as her own individual with something more to her than just her affection for Mash. It's honestly a shame because I really like her design and I wish I could like her more, but she's doomed by the narrative. The final chapter capitalizing her yandere side didn't help matters. Well, there's your idea to expand more of her characters, fanfiction writers, only you can save her.

The truth is, personality-wise, none of the female characters in this series stands out as much as any of the male characters. Their designs are simple and cute but in the end, they got zero development and there's no backstory exploration. Lemon was the example that's most apparent since she's the main character, but if you follow the series, you will notice that other female characters also don't really have much in their personality. When Komoto-sensei finally made an interesting female character (Meliadoul), it was already in the final arc, and the bar was pretty low anyway since Meliadoul is pretty similar to a certain character in a similar archetype from a certain well-known shounen-demographic series. She also didn't get much backstory exploration, but Ochoa did. Female characters being badly written is a common thing that happens in a lot of shounen-demographic series, even ones that I like and often sings praises for, but it bothers me every time.

Well, this section ended up becoming an explanation of another big criticism that I had with the series instead of entirely about Lemon, but she's kinda related to it, so...yeah. Anyway, I like Lemon, I wish she had more screen time, development, and even a backstory explanation.

IV. ANIME ADAPTATION

Since I've read the manga, I can now talk about how the adaptation goes. I think it's serviceable and good enough to make me want to pick up the source material, something that surprisingly OnK cannot do despite it being a great show. Adaptation is a tough job. If you have read the manga, you will notice how the different kind of media affects this series in one way or another. There are some parts that hit better in the manga, but the anime sometimes smoothens the pace of the story and even added some scenes for consistency. For example: in the first episode of the manga, Mash could open and close the door normally when Regro told him to redo his training as a punishment, even though the running joke of this series is how Mash just could never open the door properly. In the anime, this was changed into Mash almost walking through the door only for Regro to help open the door for Mash so he would not break it again. Rayne's cameo in the Magia Lupus arc where he talked shit about Wahlberg was supposed to be before Lance vs. Wirth's fight, but it was moved to before Dot & Finn vs. Love & Milo to align with his debut episode. Dot's rambling in his first appearance and Mash slapping the Mandragora scene is more dramatic in the anime. Rayne's first appearance is done better in the manga thanks to the constant use of black and dark screen tones to set up his intimidating aura. There are things that the anime did better, but there are also things that the manga did better, something that commonly happens in the process of adapting one media to another. The artwork for the anime is also very nice so far, and I like it. That's for the first season, who knows how the second season will turn up.

The voice actors and actresses' lineup is staggering, though. So many big names participated in this series, whether as the main character or as supporting. I haven't been watching a lot of anime lately due to time constraints, so Mashle became the series that introduced me to Kobayashi Chiaki. And wow, his performance as Mash is just...perfect. Many people said Mash sounds exactly like how they imagine and they are all correct. I cannot imagine someone else voicing Mash anymore, his voice is permanently stuck in my head whenever I read the manga. Ishikai's performance as Lance stands out for me because he's one of my favorite seiyuus, and I didn't expect him to voice a character like Lance with that kind of voice, but damn his performance is amazing.

What's interesting is how at some point I mixed up the seiyuu between Finn and Rayne. I knew Kaji Yuki-san participated in this show, but back then I knew nothing about the series and the characters before actually started watching, and I had never watched or heard Kawashima Reiji-san's performance before. So, when Finn finally spoke, I assumed he was Kaji-san's character, since he sounded similar to the characters I often associated with him like Yukine, Alibaba, Haruaki, and Shu (yeah, I don't watch any of the shows he recently participated in). But when I double-checked, Finn was voiced by Kawashima-san, and in episode 3 I finally noticed the difference between Kawashima-san's performance and (past) Kaji-san's performance voice-wise. Finn's voice at first sounded like Kaji-san's performance of Yukine and Alibaba, but Finn sounded...more like a fifteen-year-old boy than Kaji-san, especially when Finn speaks casually you'll notice the difference. When Finn freaks out or is in his tsukkomi mode his voice sounds similar to Kaji-san. And I think it's interesting to point out the similarity because Kaji-san voiced for Rayne, Finn's older brother, to the point I assume that the seiyuu choices are on purpose. Because I associated Kaji-san more with his past roles than with his recent roles, I had no idea how he would perform as Rayne. In fact, I could not imagine Rayne being voiced at all. Until he made his appearance in episode 10, that is. I was thrown off guard by how deep he sounded, and how Kaji-san nailed the cold and harsh personality that Rayne has. It took me some rewatching of his scenes to finally get used to Kaji-san's performance as Rayne (unlike Kobayashi-san's performance where his performance just immediately matches the character), but after that, I think Kaji-san's performance is great so far. Really excited to hear my favorite Rayne moments being voiced by him, the second season will surely be a blast. Imagine the scene where Rayne summoning Ares being voiced by Kaji-san...that's gonna be so great!

The English voice has also been great so far, I like all the voices. Special mention goes to Finn's English VA, he sounds perfect! The dubbed version is still ongoing (it's still at episode 6 by the time of this writing), I am looking forward to watching more of it.

All that said...I think the anime has noticeable production issues going on. The number of animation directors that participated in the show grows in the later part of the first season (the final episode had 19 animation directors according to the official website), some scenes felt a little off, and I heard the seventh episode was also outsourced to SHAFT, the studio that made Mad.ok.a Ma.gic.a and many others (which explains why Lance looked extra handsome there, maybe he's SHAFT studio's favorite boy). That, and the fact that there's only six months break between the first and second season (which will have plenty of action scenes than the first season) is...really concerning. Aniplex really doesn't give a lot of breathing room for the animators and staff, it's worrying how the production committee treats them. I was honestly expecting at least a year minimum between the first and second seasons, but six months is very short. I can only pray for the staff and animators to take care of themselves, while at the same time, I am dreading the worst outcomes to come (delay in episodes mid-airing, or even a whole season delay like what happened with a lot of shows nowadays, major changes in story/scenes due to lack of time). I really hope it won't happen since Mashle is very beloved in Japan and this anime adaptation has been long-awaited, but if it happens, I'll be disappointed but not surprised. Blame Aniplex for this, honestly. The staffs and animators deserve to rest. This rambling about production can be an entirely different, separate talk, and I am by no means an expert at this so I can only talk from what I know.

V. ART

I am not the best person in talking about artworks, and I don't mind unusual art styles as long as the story is good, but damn, Komoto-sensei's art is amazing. For his first work, he's certainly talented. Reading Mashle means you are treated by amazingly well-drawn cover artwork and some detailed action sequences, especially when Mash is doing Mash things. When it comes to the art style, people have their own preferences (like how I never have problems with ONE-sensei's art), so I will put some examples of my favorite cover artworks and scenes (both colored ones and black & white ones), then I'll let you judge Komoto-sensei's art on your own. In my opinion, he's a very talented artist, and I would totally buy a Mashle artbook if there's any (hopefully the upcoming fan book is also an artbook).

I would love to add more examples but I've limited myself to 4 favorite colored artworks and 4 favorite BW artworks. If I didn't stop myself I would put way too much and this post was already too long lol.

VI. SUMMARY

This section is to summarize everything I have written while also adding some new information that I didn't know where else to put, the plus points of Mashle and the minus points of this series, in case you don't wanna read the wall of text (I don't blame you, it's mostly rambling).

The plus points about Mashle?

The story is simple and easy to follow, nothing too complicated

The artworks are beautiful

Battles for the most part don't last for too long

Mash is a very enjoyable main character

There are some heartwarming and touching moments when you least expect it

The comedy, gag and Mash's shenanigans are fun

The story doesn't drag on for too long and ends in a conclusive manner

The anime adaptation is good so far, the voice actors+actresses lineups are amazing

The minus points about Mashle?

The final arc and some battles in it lasted for way too long and become a standard shounen-demographic manga instead of a comedy/parody as it's supposed to

Mash carries most of the manga's charm to the point when he's gone the manga, again, became a standard shounen-demographic manga

(But if he's around he'll steal the spotlight every time and not give other characters to develop, so it's a catch-22 situation)

The simplicity and sometimes predictability of the story may cause a lack of discussion

Lemon is left horribly underdeveloped despite being one of the main characters, without any backstory or character development, even her moments didn't stand out as much as other characters and it feels like Komoto-sensei sort of forgot about her

The female characters' personalities and development are nothing to write home about

Lemon, Dot, and Lance's personalities being back to the status quo in the final episode might be unsatisfactory to some

My favorite characters in Mashle?

Mash Burnedead & Regro Burnedead

Finn Ames

Rayne Ames

Lance Crown & Dot Barrett

Abyss Razor Honorable mention 1: Domina Blowlive Honorable mention 2: Ryoh Grantz Honorable mention 3: Lemon Irvine

My favorite moments/arcs/chapters in Mashle?

Chapters involving Finn's character development and his sibling relationship with Rayne (Volume 6 chapter 52-53, Volume 7 chapter 54-55, Volume 13 chapter 115-118, Volume 14 Chapter 119)

Slice-of-life moments (Volume 5 Chapters 43 & 44, Volume 9 Chapters 73 & 74, most if not all of the omakes)

Rayne's moments (Volume 4 chapters 30 & 31, Volume 6 chapters 45-47, Rayne's secret omake, Rayne's morning routine omake)

Lance & Dot vs. Epidem (Volume 14 chapter 120-123)

Mash vs. Abyss (Volume 3 Chapter 26, Volume 4 Chapter 27 & 28)

VII. CONCLUSION

Mashle is a great series that I had lots of fun with. It's far from perfect, it has a lot of things that I have problems with, but that doesn't change how much I enjoy reading, watching, and following this series. This is a good series to enjoy if you need something fun without much to worry and think about, just relax and enjoy the ride. I will genuinely miss this series and the characters, especially Mash. However, it's been a good run and I wouldn't like it if it was prolonged for no reason. It ended conclusively, and happily. Thank you Komoto-sensei for the strange, funny, and heartwarming adventure!

Also, at the end of the day, this series is basically a huge advertisement for cream puffs. It's delicious. Go buy some and enjoy it while following the series!

#personal #mashle magic and muscles #just me rambling to myself #oh my goodness this got so incredibly long... #i didn't even check how much words are these #this is why i don't review mo.b ps.y.ch.o because i'd ramble endlessly and not even organized #if you decide not to read this I understand #i still hope i somehow make my points clear though #mashle manga spoilers #i'm so sorry for the wall of text and rambling and everything #and sorry for the grammar mistakes and inconsistency and everything #but anyway mashle has been a pretty fun ride! #i had lots of fun with it #i hope to see more from komoto-sensei! #series ramblings

[fairytalearista]

I posted 657 times in 2022

That's 657 more posts than 2021!

116 posts created (18%)

541 posts reblogged (82%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@taleweaver-ramblings

@lady-merian

@dangerously-human

@swinging-stars-from-satellites

@thrina-thrina-on-the-wall

I tagged 436 of my posts in 2022

Only 34% of my posts had no tags

#kendra e. ardnek - 41 posts

#books - 29 posts

#writing - 21 posts

#fairy tales - 18 posts

#austen fairy tale - 17 posts

#rizkaland legends - 14 posts

#the austen fairy tale - 13 posts

#cinderella - 11 posts

#pro life - 11 posts

#jane austen - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#okay but i've been looking for a good version of much ado to watch ... for a project ... i think i need to go hunt down the full version...

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

So, I published a Cinderella / Pride and Prejudice mashup last week. And it's already my fifth-highest grossing book, as it just passed the royalty total for the book I published ten years ago...

So, um, if anyone else wants to help me see how many more of my back titles it can outsell by the end of the month, that would be fun. The title is Crown and Cinder, and it is the second book of a series of Austen / Fairy tale mashups. (By the end of next year, I do plan to have all six of Austen's novels retold, and I have a fairy tale picked out for every one of them). It's pseudo-medieval worldbuilding with elemental magic, and I think they're pretty fun.

And if you'd like to check out some other fun Cinderella retellings, I just published Cindy Ellen, a short and sweet western-esque retelling by my mother, and my friend Sarah Pennington released Mask of Scarlet, which is a mystery set in a Jazz-era world with fae. It's delicious and I highly recommend the whole series. Bastian is the Best, and you all need to fall in love with him as much as I have.

56 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

#4

Can y'all do a thing for me? Crown & Cinder, my Cinderella / Pride & Prejudice mashup, is currently 99 cents on kindle, and will be so for about a week. It's a countdown sale, meaning that I'm making the full 70% royalty.

I'd like to try to get 1,000 sales while it's a dollar. I'm currently sitting at one. So if the concept sounds intriguing to you (and it's a VERY fun story - Lizzy has fire magic!), please consider buying it - and sharing this post to spread the word. a thousand sales is a lofty goal, but I think if I can hit the algorithm right, it'll be possible. So, pretty please, go check it out.

(And, cough, book 1 will be 99 cents next week, but I dropped this one this week 'cause of scheduling issues. So keep an eye out for that.)

57 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

#3

"He's only mean to you because he likes you."

Like many girls, I was told this by my mother, but it was always with the caveat: "And he lacks the emotional maturity to properly handle the attraction." And I think that's an important caveat that most girls need to hear - you can take the complement, you can let it boost your self-esteem, but move on. He's just an immature boy who isn't worth your time.

And, honestly, it can work both ways. Girls can be just as mean when they don't want to admit attraction.

319 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

#2

"What your characters say is their motivation isn't in line with their character and actions."

Yup, it's called narrative dissonance. Homegirl ain't being honest enough with herself to admit what's actually driving her. Maybe she'll figure out over the course of the book, maybe we won't. Who knows. I love pitting show and tell against each other and seeing who comes out on top.

522 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The secret of creating good art isn't talent, it's patience.

I'm an author, my sister draws and paints, but we both dabble in the other's wheelhouse.

And, one day, I had just hastily thrown together my cartoonish attempt at a fairy (Not terrible, but I've just accepted that my art style is on the cartoon side of things), and my sister starts telling me all the tricks and stuff that improves proportions and style ... and I just look at her and go, "I don't have the patience for that."

And she just pulls back, blinking. "But you sit there, hours upon hours, stringing words together for your books. Don't tell me you don't have patience."

"I do have patience for writing. Every word I write is visible progress, and I've moved forward in the story. But art is static. And I don't have the patience that allows me to pour hours and hours into something static. You, however, focus on that one image and chip away at until you have it."

My other main craft is knit and crochet. My sister sews. And I realize that this holds true. My patience is linear. I'll spend weeks and years on a project, just so long as each word or stich is a visible step forward. My sister's patience is more abstract. She will polish the details on a image until it's perfect, constructing elements until it fits her vision - but she won't give it the time I will. She wants to get things done and have them be over.

And neither one is wrong. Neither is unreasonable. But if you have an art you want to pursue, you have to give it patience. The patience to do the craft, and the patience to learn how to do it well.

And yes, some of us have a bit of talent that means we need a little less patience ... but that talent is just a head start. We still have to run the rest of the race.

6,677 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

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(Btw, C&C is officially now my second-highest grossing book, and it is slowly but steadily overtaking the record holder, Water Princess, Fire Prince)

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[dontbestingybaby]

from Picture-Play Magazine, October 1923

The Irrepressible One

Fans are always clamoring to see more of Mabel Normand, and in that they are quite like her many acquaintances.

By Norbert Lusk

Full Transcription Below

Photo caption: She is a little figure, all vivid expression, with enormous eyes and petulant, childlike mouth.

MISS NORMAND, one hand grasping a tube of tooth paste, the other holding with a bibliophile’s tenderness a volume of Ernest Dowson, romped into the room.

Tor two hours I had waited. My patience was that of a senescent courtier used to the etiquette of dying monarchies.

Not to interview her. Not as a stranger come to beg a photograph, or a year's tuition in a college of chiropractic, or even to beseech aid for a crippled kiddie’s operation.

These benefices would, my experience told me, have been all too easily won from Mabel. The prospect of such picayune gold digging would have found me not at all trepidant.

I had come on a far, far more delicate mission—one that held me rigidly apprehensive in the plush and prisms of the hotel drawing-room, though not too unstrung to inventory the jumble of Mabel’s belongings scattered, piled and flung here and there.

How like her they all were, I mused, but not too indulgently. Deciding, you understand, to be reserved and not let her know I'd paid attention to her gewgaws. They ranged from seven grotesque dolls, limply perched on mantel and chairs, to a capsized basket of faded flowers, and a leaning tower of cigarettes in boxes, with other oddments between.

For I was there as a once-devoted friend willing, but not too eager, to consummate a reconciliation, if I may use a toplofty phrase. and resolved to be dignified at all costs and not let old-time fondness be welded anew into fettered slavery.

It was to cancel an estrangement brought about by an unanswered letter, or, something equally heartbreaking that Mabel had done.

Frankly, I don't quite remember what it was, now, though before Miss Normand scampered down the hall my grievances were precisely defined, like the perforations on a music roll, and ready to be ground out, a complete opus, at concert pitch.

Mabel is like that—she makes her wounded victim forget his wrongs in a moment and buckle on the armor of a crusader to avenge her own. She is dreadfully devastating to dignity, to judicial balance, to one’s amour propre.

That neglected letter, or whatever it was, had made me sorry for myself and skeptical of the friendly vows of all queens of the screen. I had, indeed, renounced the false sisterhood and consigned them to celluloid. When, as recorded, Mabel bounced in.

Now for the Normand witchery, sorcery, or what not. If this story is to get anywhere at all, something that passes for explanation must be submitted. The hard part of it lies in translating it by means of the printed word, lacking, in turn, the wizardry, alchemy or what not of a Rossetti, a Thomas Hardy, or a James Joyce. Mabel is deserving, honestly, of an abler etcher than I.

“I love your coat—it looks like an Airedale!’ she cried outside, before I saw her, as a means of breaking the ice after three years.

“Ernest Dowson is my favorite poet. I love him. If he weren't dead I’d make him marry me.” Mabel whirled in delivering herself of this and introduced me to the bell boy, who stood behind her, laden with books.

“This is my darling old friend who knows all my faults but loves me just the same. He’s going to be Ritzy about this when you go, because he’s got himself up in soup and fish, trying to pass for an ambassador! But I don’t care, now that he’s forgiven me—do I, Bunker Bean?”

Whereupon she resorted to her own way of stifling a reply. It is the way of an impulsive, affectionate child and, I add, to give the world hope, is not reserved for me alone. One's resistance sags under these onslaughts and I couldn’t command myself to strike an attitude of chill dignity.

Picture, if you can, Mabel as she is off the screen and you'll not ask why. A little figure all vivid expression, quick movement and rapid speech. with enormous eyes and petulant, childlike mouth. She is wise as a serpent in the ways of the world, yet at times more naive than a fictional milkmaid. Beneath it all her manipulation of people is unfailing.

Clinging to the last vestige of self-assertiveness, I reminded her that I’d waited two hours.

“You would! So would the Rock of Gibraltar! That’s why you're wonderful. But I telephoned you twice from the bookshop. Don’t tell me that maid didn’t—I’m going to fire her!” she darted to the door, then wheeled and paused. “No; if you don't mind, I won’t. She’s a wonderful packer.” Mabel softly closed the door and lowered her voice as if in a den of thieves.

“I’m going abroad—no one must know but you. I've always told you my secrets, haven’t I? Sit here near me and I'll tell you some more. You're the only person in the world who can help me.” Followed chattering exposition other plans.

They included, so far as I could adduce, nothing sub rosa. She was going to London for Chistmas, would spend the holidays in Rome (I'd not be surprised if she collected a present from the Vatican Christmas tree, if there were one) and return in a few weeks. There were some trifles to be looked after in her absence.

It was happiness, as always, to undertake them. Mabel asks little and makes one feel a minister plenipotentiary in obtaining chewing gum for her.

Our rapprochement complete, she saw no reason for settling down to stilted conversation about the weather and topics of the day. Accordingly she ran in and out of the room, presumably to confer with those wonderful packers. or leaped to answer the telephone’s insistent jangle. It was always an invitation to join a party, and I caught names as celebrated as her own in these potential hosts. But Mabel refused all, declaring, in a torrent of endearments, that her physician had ordered quiet and rest.

“Isn't it outrageous?” she wailed, wide-eyed from her desk. “I have to autograph five hundred of these ‘Suzanna’ books before I can get away. It’s slavery; yet people think we don’t do anything more

Photo caption: She is wise as a serpent in the ways of the world, yet at times more naive than a fictional milkmaid

strenuous than change our shoe trees. I’ve got writer’s cramp, as it is, and housemaid’s knee too. Tell me what to write on the flyleaf for my French teacher. I've been studying three years and don’t know a thing, but he’s a darling old peach.”

She munched her pen. Already she was inked to the wrists. Needless to relate the ready star needed no prompting.

“Don't you dare like this book more than you do me!” she scribbled, “l’otre gamine terrible—Mabel.”

Gamine! That’s the word. Mabel herself described a phase of herself, her present phase.

Luxurious, lavish, independent of any individual's favor, she is a gamine de luxe—a sort of Kiki, minus Lenore Ulric, because, despite dissimilar circumstances, Mabel’s heart is that of the child-woman of André Picard’s play. Gaining her own ends by the sheer vigor of her attack, never accepting defeat. appraising people and situations to a nicety, and over all flooding an excess of capricious high spirits.

Mabel is inimitable, undeniable, irresistible. You may put this down, if you choose, as arrant bias on the part of her toiling historian. But confront him, if you can, with the person who has withstood Mabel. Vainly he has sought this Hippolytus among studio workers—people generally without illusion—and while there are feminine stars of the dramatic persuasion who wouldn't exactly expand while Mabel watched their emotional scenes in the making, it is because her sense of burlesque would conflict with their lack of it.

Yet. while she indulges her gamine mood, there still are other moods. When finally she permitted the packing to be carried on without interference and had inscribed fly leaves galore, autographed pictures, written notes, despatched telegrams, denied herself to callers, plied me with food, “Suzanna” souvenirs and instructions—and had driven home her points with some comic imitations of people we all know—she talked uninterruptedly. Probably as a means of warding off fatigue.

“WHY is it, do you suppose, I’m not happy? People think I am. I babble because they expect just that. But. cross my heart and hope to die, I'm not Pollyanna by a long shot. There's something missing. Sometimes I think it’s because I know people too well—see through them too easily—and it makes me want to hide myself away from it all. You know I really love to be alone where I can think things over but—you answer the telephone, darling—say that Miss Normand has gone over to Staten Island to see her mother.” Fortunately this fib swept the current of Mabel’s introspection into happier channels—happier, without doubt, for her visitor, who had the sudden qualms of one who might be keeping Mabel from thinking things over.

“You remember I always used to be writing things in my book? If you promise not to make fun of me, or take down anything, I'll read to you. I’m really self conscious about my poems. I couldn’t bear to have people laugh at a comedienne’s attempt to be serious.”

And so, twisted into gnomelike angles, on the sofa, Mabel unlocked her book and read. She won’t mind mention of this because, in keeping my word not to quote. I have only recounted a fact which her fans should know.

Her verses are simple, unaffected, concrete. Each mirrors an impression. There are clear images, unclouded by wasted words, in them all. The sincerity of her intention disarms the critic (if I may masquerade as one so late in the story), and stirs and touches. Which is precisely what Mabel wished to do when she essayed her first author’s reading under a rose lampshade.

“Why in the world don’t you publish these? You’d have no trouble arranging it, and think what a surprise people would get.’

“Not for any money—at least not now. They’d only be bought out of curiosity and some one surely would laugh. I couldn’t bear to be laughed at in that way. When one understands life, or tries to, thoughts that touch very deeply should be kept mostly to one’s self... Oh, but I'd love to do an autobiography, and tell the truth, mind you, the whole truth! That's all that would excuse it.”

I predict that she will, some day, for unless all symtoms fail, what Mabel aches for is literary expression.

Certainly few busy people read more than she does or respond more readily when there is opportunity to discuss books. Of the fifty or so volumes awaiting the clutches of the packers, there was nothing obvious; no garishly jacketed best seller, but poetry, biography, criticism, history, all out of the ordinary.

In reading, however, as in her conduct. it would seem milady has her moods. She avowed affection for Ethel M. Dell—at least for one of her stories which Mabel expects to do in pictures—yet holds Leonard Merrick, economist of emotion and narration, in esteem.

“No, no; not that. Don't begin with ‘Conrad in Quest of His Youth’—that’s not a fair test of Merrick’s power,” she advised a caller who wished to become acquainted with the novelist. “Start with ‘The Man Who Understood Women.’ The rest will take care of themselves.”

She dispensed this counsel with a quiet zest that gave me a flash of the pedagogue, if you'll credit that. In line with this she assured me she was a born old maid, and expected to die one, because she spends much time happily cataloguing and rearranging her belongings.  Servants notwithstanding, Mabel says she knows exactly where to find the black-lace stockings that have been mended once, and woe betide the slave that mixes her handkerchiefs.

How, I asked myself, did the inflexible Britons receive this quaint, unconventional ex-Biograph girl? She had returned, not long since, from her first invasion of London and was now to go again, without having revisited Los Angeles. There must have been few lorgnons raised by the duchesses for Mabel to cartwheel into the midst of their unwedded young sons once more. So I asked her.

“In England people do the loveliest things for you for the love of doing them. You know what I mean? They don’t calculate their kindness. It’s an instinct, not a gesture, and it’s gracefully casual. Gosh! I adore the English for their civilization, their traditions.”

This enthusiastic blanketing she followed with details spotlighting the hospitality of lords and ladies in country houses and at hunt breakfasts. Of solitary

---

THROUGH FRIENDLY EYES

Now and then interviewers and acquaintances of Mabel Normand have written their impressions of her—many of them vivid, some of them appealing, all of them interesting. Normand is one of those rare individuals who never fails to make a deep impression on the people she meets. It is only from a person who has known her well for a number of years, however, that you can get an adequate word picture of this unusual girl. Therefore, PICTURE-PLAY is proud to present this story by Norbert Lusk—first of all because he is a clever, facile writer—but particularly because he has long known and admired her.

---

walks over moors, gathering heather—and, with no less happiness, of a police inspector who had won her heart by escorting her through Limehouse.

“You knew dear George Loane Tucker, didn’t you? Well, Sir Hall Caine wrote me a darling note—no; sweet was the word for it (I mean quaint), telling me that Mr. Tucker, when he was alive, used to write him nice things about me and asking if he could come to see me. He came and turned out to be the gentlest, darlingest pet there ever was. We understood each other—zip! like that! and later I went to his house for tea.

“I liked Barrie too, Wasn't it a shame? I mean I was bathing when he called at the Ritz and kept him waiting too long” (oh, Mabel, how like you!) “for when I came out he had gone, leaving a funny little note. It said that he had fixed the fire in the grate and hoped it would warm me. Of course I tried to make up for this later. Shaw was awfully kind too—very quizzical and clever."

She had, however, no tale of him to equal the other conquests, which gave me an opening to ask if it were true she had broken an engagement to meet Princess Mary.

“Of course not! My friends ought to know me well enough to be sure I wouldn't do that. It was to have been at a charity bazaar or something. At the last moment the thing was called off. Some bigwig engineering it was sick. Then some one thought it would be funny to say Mabel Normand had been rude. That’s how things start. Just because I’m a little—well, you know, different—people believe anything weird about me.

“I wish to heaven some philanthropist would take the time to write about me as I am. Something quite simple, natural. Not making me out a highbrow, or a stately Vere de Vere, or as a girl with no taste at all. Just as I really am—just me. Then the public wouldn't swallow nonsense when it’s printed by those who don't care because they don't know any better. . . It must be great to be a wharf rat.”

Mabel next returned from Europe in high spirits on a slow steamer, under the impress that she had booked passage on an express.

Reporters, boarding the vessel at quarantine, still surrounded her at the pier because, I surmised, she was offering entertainment—or news.

Next morning’s papers rumored her supposed marriage to an anonymous Londoner. Mabel was in tearful indignation over this wrong and, as always, spurred her sympathizers to avenge the canard. But first I probed for clews.

“I never said a thing,” she averred. “A lady on the steamer was reading my palms, saw this diamond guard and kidded me about having married secretly. I kidded her back. Who wouldn't have? Then it spread. Things always spread. I'm going to take the veil.”

She was reminded of what she previously complained of in newspaper misrepresentation and advised that she should have flatly contradicted the sociable palmist.

“Oh, you want me to be dignified. Dignity my eye! I can’t be upstage and I can't be mean when people are nice. But I’ll never even be civil to a newspaper man again.”

On the morrow this sprightly queen of contradiction was hostess to a group of news gatherers, purposely to convince them of the error of their ways. How she did it you perhaps know by now. At any rate the next edition of their journals gave space to Mabel's denial.

This, then, is the Mabel Normand adjudged the leading feminine comedian of the films. These glimpses of her away from the studios, chosen because they are typical rather than exceptional, reflect. I hope, the vigor and verve and whimsicality of her acting. It is doubtful, however, if they give an idea of her professional authority. sagacity. When she is absorbed in work it is absorption indeed. Her long experience—her facile inventiveness — fundamental sense of the comic—are all whipped into dynamic activity when she attacks a picture. Should the result disappoint, Mabel’s reaction is that of utter heartbreak. But she rebounds. Like all urgent souls she never accepts defeat.

“She seems to be working out as one of those very human characters,” she wrote of ‘The Extra Girl.’ “You know what I mean—a girl one looks at and wants to know more about as she passes by, and leaves one with a little ache that one may know her better. She has given me tremendous ambition. If others have failed perhaps it was misjudgment of one kind or another in attempting them. But this picture has had the same effect as. the faith of those who really love me. And so, from the way things look, I think those who care for me will be rather proud of their—Mabel.”

#1920s #1923 #mabel normand #picture play #film magazine #fan magazine #classic hollywood #old hollywood #classic movies #silent comedy #silent era #silent cinema #silent film #classic cinema #classic film #classic film stars #my transcription

[gaoau]

Saturday 10th — Explanations Overdue

The Girl Upstairs warnings — theres an anxiety attack (take this term with a grain of salt) ahead. based on my own experience, so dont worry if you dont find it familiar. take it easy, guys! stay safe! word count — 2.0k

prev. — next.

Composed, collected, level-headed, rational, patient, polite: words that described Akaashi down to his every atom. Human, too — human fit right in the same category. And much like every human, Akaashi knew when and where to draw the line.

To put things simply, he was fed-up. Volleyball practice had only gotten more intense — what with nationals looming closer — and [Name]'s cut-up feet occupied every single corner of his brain. Multiply one by the other, and Akaashi's patience was wearing thin.

He had waited, and he had given her space, and he had tried again and again to help her. But she refused any help. As much as he wanted, he would never be able to understand some things. One of them being why [Name] was so fucking adamant on slapping his helping hand away. It didn't make any sense, whichever way he tried to see it

It wasn't pride, it wasn't hubris, it wasn't like she would get in trouble for hanging out with him — she lived completely on her own, and didn't leave her apartment for anything other than school or grocery-shopping. It was her. [Name] was a problem to herself. [Name] didn't allow herself to break free from the merciless cold.

After a week of tiring afternoon and morning practice, and [Name]'s constant fidgeting as she left for school, Akaashi decided to put his foot down. If he had to poke his nose where it didn't belong just to get [Name] talking, then so be it. If he had to piss her off, annoy her, or even break her door down, then so be it. He didn't want any of her dodging his questions anymore.

Composed, collected, level-headed, rational, et cetera. Standing at [Name]'s doorstep, he might as well have called himself demanding and forceful. But he was getting his answers one way or another.

He knocked right below the number-plate with a little more force than intended. "[Name]-san? It's me, Akaashi. Are you there?" Announcing his name or not meant nothing — she didn't ever have any guests anyway, so he was the only idiot that would call for her in the middle of the night.

A restless minute passed before [Name] finally opened the door. Her appearance presented no surprises: jacket zipped-up to her chin, that teal scarf made out of wool, darkening bags under her irritated red eyes, sickly pale skin. He could have gone on, but he hadn't visited her to insult her. Despite his desire to jump straight into questioning, he bit his tongue and offered her a smile. [Name] averted her eyes to the floor in response. She remained silent, knowing full well Akaashi could do all the talking.

"I'm here to talk to you, [Name]-san. Hope you don't mind, but I needed to check up on you. Neighbors should look out for each other."

"Akaashi-san—" A sigh fell from her lips and her head dropped. Although it didn't shake, her voice barely held any volume. "…I told you not to worry about me."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. You've got cut-up feet and I'd like to know why. I understand I'm being too forward and shouldn't be pushing you to answer my questions, but I'm caring about you. Let's talk."

"You don't know anything, Akaashi-san. You don't understand."

"That's what I'm here for. Explain it to me so that I understand. Just like you explained quadratics. You did that just fine."

"You already knew quadratics. That was pointless. I only wasted your time."

"Then why did you stay?"

[Name] bit her lip, her knuckles progressively turning white around the doorknob. Her silence seemed endless.

"Could I come in, [Name]-san? Let's do the talking inside."

"No!" Both his and her eyes flew wide open; one in shock, and one in panic. [Name] bit her lower lip, shoulders raised and scrunched inwards. "I'm sorry. Just… Please, don't."

"Well, then. I won't pry on that yet. Let's head down to my apartment then. We'll talk over a cup of tea, if you'd like."

Akaashi awaited no confirmations and promptly turned on his heels. [Name]'s fretting voice halted him. "Hold on, wait a sec! I need to, um, do something first."

"No need." He locked eyes with her over his shoulder, catching her confused furrowed brows. "If you're planning on throwing some make-up on, don't bother. It'll be only us two, yeah? Come on." He gestured towards the elevator with a nod, and headed off. Behind him, [Name] sighed heavily before closing her door. Her faint footsteps told him she was following.

Akaashi had no idea a person could be so stubborn — and he dealt with childish people like Bokuto on a daily basis. She didn't accept tea or coffee or even a simple glass of water. She refused with every inch of her body to take a seat. She absolutely did not let him take her scarf and jacket. Akaashi was patient, but every person has a limit.

"[Name]-san, we'll be talking for a while, please, take a seat. It's already warm in here, so it's better if you take off at least your scarf. I'll go make some tea for the both of us. You can hang your stuff by the door."

He walked back into the room with two cups of green tea, quite pleased to see [Name] sitting quietly on the edge of his couch. Her scarf and jacket had been discarded and hung on the coat-hanger. She flinched when he lay her cup on the coffee table in front of her. She glared at it while Akaashi settled beside her.

"I sure hope you like green tea. I also added a bit of sugar."

[Name] hesitated before reaching for her cup. She sipped the beverage, swallowed, and then set it back down. "It's okay, doesn't matter. You shouldn't have bothered, though. I should just go."

"No, [Name]-san, take it easy. Tell me what's going on, please. I want to help you."

"I'm telling you not to get involved, Akaashi-san."

"Too late. You're already on my couch, and I think I've heard enough." His eyes shifted to her bare feet. He was surprised to see them wrapped in bandages. "At least I know I've seen enough."

[Name] caught onto his implication and pressed her feet to the base of the couch in an attempt to hide them. Her fists balled around the fabric of her sweatpants, her face hid behind strands of hair. "…Please…" Her voice broke with only one word, shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. "Please, don't do this… It'll be harder for you in the end… Let's not do this…"

A lonely droplet fell on the back of her hand, slowly trailing down her forearm until it fell to the cushions. It disappeared into the fabric, leaving behind no trace of ever existing. But they continued one after the other, falling and falling and falling endlessly. On her skin and on her clothes and on his couch, as she gritted her teeth and sniffled in silence. She kept her face away from his field of vision, but her shoulders trembled and he understood she was crying.

A sigh fell from his lips. "[Name]-san, listen. I won't force explanations out of you, but just know that I'm worried about you. You're a really nice person, and it's fun to hang out with you, and honestly, I just want to help you. But I need to understand what's going on first."

"…I'm not nice, though…" [Name] sniffed, running her arm across her brimming eyes. "…I'm not nice at all… Look at me, I'm making you worry and I dragged you into all of this and saying I'm sorry isn't enough."

"What's so wrong about worrying? You're always saying that — to not worry, I mean."

"It's pointless. You're just wasting your time and effort. It's all pointless at the end of the day. Why would you worry about someone that'll— Someone that— Uh—"

"Someone that will what? What will you do? You can tell me."

"No, no, I can't. I'm talking too much and only dragging you deeper, I'm sorry."

"Well, drag me deeper."

"God, Akaashi-san, you don't know me. Stop this. Stop it, just stop it. It's pointless, just stop. You don't get it. You're too warm for this. You don't get it. You don't. You don't get it, stop it."

"[Name]-san—"

"Stop. Just stop. Stop this, just stop it. You don't— You can't— You won't understand. Just stop. Please, stop it. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Just stop. Stop it. Stop." [Name]'s fingers snaked around her scalp, sliding between her hair and grasping at fistfuls. Her body bent forwards, chin touching her knees. Her fists only grew tighter by the second.

Akaashi almost immediately slammed his teacup on the coffee table and pushed the furniture away to open some space. He dropped to his knees right next to [Name], hearing her nonsense mumbling and heavy breathing. "[Name]-san, it's okay, I'm here. Take it easy, you're fine. Breathe in and breathe out. Slowly. Give me your hands." With trembling hands and sweaty palms, Akaashi struggled to unlatch [Name]'s chilling fingers from around her hair. He succeeded, fortunately, and intertwined hers with his warm ones. "Let go, [Name]-san, relax. Follow me, yeah? In and out, in and out. Yeah, like that. You're fine, I'm here."

Akaashi took deep breaths, held them in, and calmly released them; [Name] followed him, trembling eyes locked onto his. Eventually, she managed to get the hang of it and her breathing returned to normal. She had recomposed herself. And as soon as she processed reality, she pried her hands away from Akaashi's. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I-I… Fuck, I told you…! I told you not to do this…! I tried to warn you…"

Akaashi blinked, flabbergasted. "Warn me…? [Name]-san, having these episodes is nothing bad. I'm actually very impressed that you handle them on your own. It must take a lot of courage and strength."

"No! I made them myself. It's my fault that they happen. I just— I— It's my fault."

"[Name]-san, please, stop refusing my help. You've shown me enough. Now I want to help you."

"But you can't! You shouldn't! You should just let me go, Akaashi-san. Just leave it be. It's all pointless. Let me go back upstairs and forget this ever happened. What do I have to do so that you'll understand?"

"Answer my questions."

[Name] groaned. Her palms slapped against her face as she growled into them.

"What happened to your feet?"

"…I cut them when I stepped on some glass…"

"Did you break the glass yourself?"

"…Yes…"

"Why?"

"You're not my therapist."

"Do you have a therapist?"

"…No…"

"Then I can be one for tonight. What happened to your neck?"

"Ah, shit, you saw that…"

"[Name]-san, tell me what's happening. Tell me what's going on inside your head."

[Name] pulled away from her hands, craning her bruised neck to pierce Akaashi's eyes with her own. He felt a shiver traveling down his spine. "I don't want this…" Her words morphed into a sigh. "There's nothing to it."

Much like her fingers and her eyes, her voice was deadly cold. It was the voice of a tired person crying for help. And Akaashi was willing to do exactly that. "Let me help you, then."

"…Alright… I prefer black tea, without sugar."

"On it."

#The Girl Upstairs #Haikyuu #Akaashi Keiji #Akaashi Keiji x Reader #Akaashi x Reader #Haikyuu x Reader

[kingsbridgelibraryteens]

A Librarian's Gratitude List

There are plenty of days (PLENTY of days) when it's hard for me to find something to feel grateful about. Being a librarian can be tough sometimes. Working in public service can be tough sometimes. And while we're at it, life can be tough sometimes.

That being said, I've experienced a couple of big and small things at work recently that were all kinds of awesome, so I thought I'd share them with you.

I'm happy that we have a lot of programs for the public today, and that we have enough staff to run those programs. And while we're on the subject ...

I'm happy that my colleague's drawing of an instant camera on our sign was even cuter than I expected!

I'm happy that I can still be surprised by the things I find inside library books. This morning, instead of the usual things we find like bookmarks or bookmark substitutes, I found a music program from what must have been an unusual concert:

A "Polar Opposites" concert? SOUNDS INTRIGUING!

I'm happy that I can still be surprised by the library books themselves. Just imagine me this morning confused by whether or not I already put a rubber band around this book ...

... when rubber bands are part of the cover design!!!

I'm happy that we have enough funding to get or to borrow some cool tech tools that we can use to entice kids to come to our programs, including those instant cameras:

And even a 3-D printer!

I'm happy that when I helped a woman find books about animals to read to her grandson that she really enjoyed the books I chose (including Lost in the Library: a Story of Patience & Fortitude by Josh Funk), and that she let my colleague know about it.

I'm happy that at our last Teen Advisory Group meeting, two of my oldest teens (who joined our group back in 2020 when the libraries were closed and we were running virtual programs from home) came back to have fun, hang out, and say goodbye before they head off to college.

I'm happy that, when a kid just came in looking for Captain Underpants books and I asked if he knew who the author was, his answer was a resounding CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!!! Yes, I had to break it to him that they're actually by Dav Pilkey, but I did enjoy his answer!

I'm happy that, after I helped a patron this morning and told her to have a nice day, she said, "You certainly make other people's days better!"

And yes, I wrote that down the minute she left.

I'm not always a glass-half-full kind of person, but I DO believe that you should always try to hold on to and remember the good things in life. If nothing else, it can help to balance out the suckitude of life when you're feeling down.

As librarians, sometimes we ask ourselves big questions like "Why did I become a librarian?" or "Why did I go into public service?" or "WHAT WAS I THINKING???" Positive things like these can help us justify our career choices and help us understand that we ARE on the right path, after all.

#gratitude list #librarians #libraries #library life #things that don't suck #glass half full #Kingsbridge Library #NYPL