#if im not physically going to school i guess im not actually going to school | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

The total number of visits Tumblr.com received during January 2021 is 327 million.

#if im not physically going to school i guess im not actually going to school

tiyoin · 5 days

Note

Tiyoin the voices got to me again. I was scrolling tho tik tok and came across a video ,and it reminded me that you mentioned reader doing a sport before attending twst in the singing au. Wanna give a guess what sport I saw??

It was ✨figure skating✨. Just imagine it for a sec. Do I know anything about skating?? No. But the idea of anxiety reader being one is beautiful. Especially since skating isnt a confrontation sports like soccer and, reader doesn't have to be in contact with someone while performing their act.

I see reader starting the sport when they were young. They may have seen it as a way to put themselves out there while doing something they enjoy and find relaxing. They didn't compete in big contests with thousands of people watching (girlie would not make it). They would only get to county or district level of the contest B4 the nerves got to them. Most likely self sabotages at the end so they wouldn't have to seen and judged by so many. Reader does has a few gold medals tho. Yuu has been their personal cheerleader for a few years now. Going to as many contests as he can to just support reader and know they're not alone.

✨Now✨

What if there is a different competition (w/o a overblot hopefully) which a sport is picked randomly. Whether you want it to be a school vs school, dorm vs dorm or maybe grade vs grade you can decide. I think it could work with any of them. Like they pick a few people to represent their side and to complete. The ones that physically compete get prizes (💰) and the others get bragging rights and a 🍕 pizza party or smth like that idk.

Anyways, Yuu is like *puppy eyes* pls reader 👉👈we poor. And reader knows Yuu is only asking cuz they they really need the money and he would never make them do smth that would harm them. Yuus real motive is maybe this will help reader make friends or less be less anxious around their classmates. And he knows Reader is gonna win cuz none of the others skate.

The only ones in NRC that I can see being able to skate to a degree is Rook, Jade or Ortho maybe Epel too. He probably hated it till his grandma said only strong people could skate cuz it's hard. I think his home town is gets snow right? Can't recall rn.

Depending on which VS is picked the outfit and preforment is gonna be a easy choice or the hardest thing in the whole contest. Maybe a duet gets thrown in there. ➖👄👁️

Overall reader is ✨stressed✨ rightfully so. The creeps are recording, admirers admirering, rivals showing up left and right. Reader gonna need a nap after everything that's happened.

Another 3-5 am ask woooo. Sorry if there is any spelling errors. Why do the best ideas always come when I'm tired 😩. I can send u a tik tok I saw that inspired me if u want. Also I don't mean to mention Rook in every ask he just shows up w/o asking. Like my fav is Malleus and I haven't send a single idea with him.

Maybe it's cuz Rooks a Sagittarius and I'm a Gemini. They are sister signs. That's probably why he lives in my head rent free. I hope a good night.

MEL- I NEED TO KISS YOU BRAIN RIGHT NOW!!

especially with the death of YOI: adolescence... a sad day for anime lovers' everywhere (im on desktop so i can't do any emojis </3)

I actually had a really big skating phase. still do and would love to have prof. lessons. i wanted to do it so. badly. my parents said 'no' and that it was too late for me, so i mourn that. believe it or not, i was in soccer and almost did it in college.

but the ice feeling so freeing whenever reader steps onto it. they're not worried about sweating because of ice, and they can move how the want when they want.

reader would 100 PERCENT self sabotage themselves. filling their head with nonsense and because of all those thoughts (especially) 'dont miss this spin, dont miss this spin' only to miss it because they were focusing on whether they would 'miss the spin or not')

but in their home world, reader is phenomenal!! they're amazing! they got scouted by amazing coaches who wanted to tap into their raw potential, who were impressed by reader's hard work and drive... but reader always finds a away to miss things up for themselves.

OH MY GOD AHHH SPORTING COMPETETIONS WERE ALWAYS MY FAVORITE ARCS IN SHOWS

ITS LIKE THEIR OWN MINI OLYMPICS HAHAHA (reader: wdym you guys dont have olympics?)

ofc there's a pre sign up and auditions. reader is thinking and mulling it over. because trying out for the boys team is very different than the girl's team, is co-ed even allowed?? this is an all boys school after all!

(yuu brings crowley to their audition to convince him to give them student-ship so they can compete and WRECK those snot-nosed princes.)

maybe there's a partner skate? and you know that the admirers of reader that can skate and sign. the. fuck. up.

I WANT SKATER JADE!! I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!! but home boy would probably not be able to skate at the level of reader just because he's og a fish and if he started skating when he turned human then he'd only have a year of experience </3

but lets just say there's a sports thing they have... not club but dedicated for this event... then i can see jade being somewhat on reader's level. but there's still a difference unfortunately

ROOK HUNT SKATED OUT OF THE WOMB!! ortho could professionally skate sine... 5 minutes ago? like c'mon guys get on his level.

though i can see rook rather being an observer. he also called it 'ice dancing' because that's what it is to him. but if rook trying out for this instead of his usual sweep of archery, all to stop some... he doesn't have a word for the level of disgust he'd have if he saw you dancing with a slimy no name.

plus he will be able to experience your growth! not just as a skater but as a person! he can also get closer to you!

vil. vil can! ice dance. he needed to learn it for a film and he's always liked the feeling of being on the ice. which makes pomefiore the contenders for being on the team / being reader's partner during partner categories.

epel would want ot learn hockey but was forced into ice skating by his grandma HAHAH she'd say that he can learn to play hockey after he's mastered the ice or something. it's something he's NOT proud of- but (if this is the point where him and reader are on good terms) then he'll happily play up him being a skating pro.

i can also see vil forcing epel into skating for the school. like wdym ice skating is for girls? get your ass on the ice NOW

SILVER AND LILIA WOULD ALSO BE ICE SKATERS AHHH. but it's a bit dangerous for silver to be on the ice but if it means helping support his friend then he's gung ho about it! just... please keep an eye on him in case he starts falling (he's usually good about that. making it to the sides before he was able to face plant on the ice. but lilia is always present in case of such emergencies (and if the designated watchers arent able to get to him in time))

lilia has dabbled in a bit of everything. so if you see him whip out a quad (with only a little bit of stumbling, as he complains about his bones again) he'll act like it's not hard (it's not- for him)

BUT IF MALLEUS WANTS TO GET INTO THAT ICE SKATING ACTION THEN HE'LL SPEND HOURS AT IT. the prince bale to do things a bit differently than everyone since he's.. ya knw, thee malleus draconia.

crowley ; you can barly even skate! why are you at the try outs!

malleus :... give me a week (and the mofo MEANS IT)

and dw i get random spouts of 'rook hunter-itis too. I DONT MIND YOU BRINGING HIM UP CAUSE I LOVE HIM- AND MALLEUS AHHHH)

#tiyoin 🔎#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twisted anxiety 🌀#mel <3

80 notes · View notes

euijoosorangeslice · 4 months

Text

Story of a College Succubus p.2

wrnings: masturbation, getting caught, public boners, nudes ( and the leaking of them)

You returned to pottery class, but this time Jake seemed antsy around you. "Is everything okay, Jakey?" You asked, smiling softly at the puppy-featured boy. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Let's just finish up your piece." He guided your hands again, smiling nervously into your neck. "Y-you've got the rest from here right?" He muttered, pulling away from you. "Wait, what? Are you not going to help me finish? You just said you would!" His brain started churning violently, thinking of his wet dream with you in it last night. "I'll help you finish in maybe a different way." He wished he had the confidence to say something like that.

"I...I uh need to use the bathroom. Be right back." He rushed off, but not before you noticed that he had a large boner in the front of his pants. His friend snickered, smiling at you. "Hey Y/n. I could help you finish your vase. Heeseung, by the way. Nice to meet you." You smiled happily, letting him teach you verbally instead of physically to guide your learning.

Jake rushed into the stall, swinging open the door in panic and quickly slamming it behind him. He sat on the closed toilet seat, pulling down his pants. He leaned back, stroking his dick in the cold room air. He spit into his palm, pressing it against his cock and moaning. "Fuck, Y/n. Such a pretty face." He whimpered, his eyes shut imagining you.

As Heeseung was assisting you with taking your vase to the kiln, you felt a weird frequency in your abdomen. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. It felt the same as last night, and you shut your eyes in pain. In the darkness, you could see Jake leaned against the wall in the bathroom with his shirt in his mouth, fucking his palm. "F-fuck ugh.." He mumbled into his shirt, bucking his hips and moaning. Shit, if you could see this then that means he was jerking off to you. Powers are cool!

"You alright?" He asked, you nodding. "Yeah, sorry. Just deep in thought." You responded with a smile. The teacher dismissed the class, so you started to leave. Until you noticed Jake had left his bag in the classroom. You grabbed it for him and walked out with Heeseung.

You two headed to the canteen to grab a snack. You walked into the canteen seeing a lot of new faces. "Hey, Y/n? Want to sit with me?" He offered, you thinking about the offer. High chance of collecting high sexual desire and energy, so why not?

Jake came into his fist, panting in pleasure. In that same second, someone opened the door to the bathroom. Jakes eyes shot open, and so did the boy who walked in. "F-fuck! Nicholas? Oh god don't d-don't look." He shouted, Nico still standing idle. "Jake? Why the hell are you jerking off in the school bathroom!?" He scolded, Jake pulling up his pants and quickly tightening his belt. "Sorry, just really had to rub one out." He mumbled, sliding out of the bathroom and heading to his room immediately.

You enjoyed your meal with Heeseung, and you two even exchanged numbers. You strolled the halls for a little while, until you got an idea. Of course it wouldn’t be too hard to collect sexual energy from college girls and boys, but there was an easy way. Guys get off to nudes, so if you sent Heeseung or Jake some they’d probably jerk of to it enough to keep you fed for a while.

First, you decided to test the waters.

you: jakeyyyy

i have a little surprise for you

want to see smth?

jake: yes

fuck that sounded desperate

don’t think im like a loser or smth k

you: that’d be rude of me to judge baby

and here’s a gift for all your help jakey

you: sent 1 attachment

jake: wow

beautiful body

uh here’s me I guess?

jake: sent 1 attachment

Aw, he really was cute. Now let’s see how much energy you’ll gain from that. So you continued on campus going to your classes and by the end of the day? You felt full for at least a couple days. Actually, oddly full. This couldn’t be the energy of just one guy with a 4 inch cock.

You checked your phone, seeing messages from guys at your school.

thanks for the ass pics, slut

nice tits

you could sit on my face and id thank you

fuck let me call you mommy

You immediately cringed. Jake had leaked your nudes, and your powers could show you everyone who was beating their shit to your photo right now. Great.

People stared all over campus, and when you were entering the dorm buildings, a man was walking behind you. “Hey, Y/n?” You turned around to a sexy looking guy with headphones and glasses on. “Dude, i think i should let you know your uh…spicy photos are getting leaked. Almost everyone on campus has seen it.” You sighed in annoyance, feeling embarrassed. “Thank you, but i already sort of know that. I appreciate your honesty.”

“No problem. I’m Nicholas. Sorry about all…this. The guys on our football team are no good, so i suggest avoiding them.” He smiled, fiddling with his hoodie strings. “Anyway, i have to get to class. Talk to you later?” You smiled, sending him on his way. Now you had to deal with confronting Jake.

You knocked on his dorm door angrily, him slowly opening the door. “Shit, u-um hi y/n.” He whispered guilty, you pushing past him. “Fuck you, you coward! Did you seriously think I would be okay with you showing everyone my god damn nudes?” He panicked, stepping backwards slowly. “I’m super sorry. I just was looking at them and my friend wanted to see them and i felt bad saying no!”

You grit your teeth in annoyance, grabbing Jake by his collar. He noticed how your eyes were flickering orange, and it scared the shit out of him. “ You couldn’t say no? Of FUCKING course you couldn’t. You could barely wipe your ass if I asked you to.” You shouted, his roommate Heeseung exiting his room at the noise. “You know what? This conversation is over. Fuck you and your tiny little dick.” You dropped him, leaving the dorm and slamming the door behind you.

Heeseung just stared at him, chuckling. “Damn, she gave you the business.”

prev//next

#enhypen jake #enhypen x reader #enhypen hard headcanons #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen smut #enhypen smut imagines #enhypen heeseung #heeseung smut #heeseung x reader #jake x reader #jake smut #&team nicholas #&team #&team smut #&team x reader #&team imagines #&team hard hours

147 notes · View notes

dayziiducks · 4 months

Text

'This ones for you'

m!crush x f!reader

when your only motivation to go to school on Monday is to see your crush's basketball game

warnings : cursing

i sighed as i walked to the washroom with my best friend, (bf/n), on a Monday morning as per usual. Unfortunately for me our school and most school things here are like 5 hours earlier than all schools so.. yippee more sleep deprivation. The only two things that keep me motivated to go to school are my friends, and my crush, (c/n).

Luckily for me we had physical education with his class today so actually had a reason to look forward to all that running. "man i wish that we could just have Mondays off it'd be so much easier.." i said to her groggily as we entered the washroom to change into our PE attire. "hmm if we did the you'd just be complaining about how you can't see (c/n) all day." "i guess that's true.. but i don't talk about him that much..ever since his dumbass went and joined basketball the girls in our cohort flock like crazy at even the slightest mention of his name..i know hot girls don't gatekeep but still." "Don't worry too much about it i'm sure you two will get together at some point it's just a matter of time." she replied playfully in attempts to reassure me. (c/n) and I get along pretty well but we never really established what we were so i'm always wondering what context he means his words in. Every time he says something that could be romantic my brain just says : he does that with all his friends, you're not special. But I digress.

We walked down to the indoor basketball court and gathered with our other classmates. And (c/n). Me being the coward that i am i avoided all eye contact knowing damn well that he'll just go ' What're you staring at.' like i'm staring at you staring at me. i didn't want him to get all cocky that i was staring at him though so i kept my glance on the floor. We then dispersed as our classmates hogged the basketballs and started playing 3 on 3. (bf/n) and I sat down on the stairs and watched as (c/n) laughed and played with the other guys. God he was so pretty. I went on my phone and started scrolling since i was so bored. i guess nothing was gonna happen today after all.

Then, a familiar voice caught my attention. "YO (y/n) ! THIS ONES FOR YOU !" (c/n) yelled as he shot the basketball into the hoop and grinned. his friends made remarks as they pat him on the back. my jaw dropped. my brain was thinking : (c/n), i love you, but OH MY FUCK ARE YOU STUPID THATS SO EMBARRASSING IM GONNA GET BULLIED AND SHOVED INTO LOCKERS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. But in real life i just yelled back "Thanks" and smiled back at him. i could practically hear all the whispers from the people around me as (bf/n) elbowed me and said "ooh looks like that 'matter of time' is gonna happen soon"

As the bell rang and i started packing up to go to geography when (c/n) came up to me and said "yo (y/n) can you help me put bandaids on my fingers ? i got a few cuts from the game." "sure, oh yeah you must be thirsty..here take my water bottle. i didn't open it yet so its fine." i replied as i walked with him to the first aid station. He drank from my water bottle as i held his hands and tended to his cuts. Even his hands were pretty..I couldn't help but feel his gaze on me the whole time which made me feel giddy inside. "Here, all done." i said as i smiled at him. "Thanks (y/n)...if you don't mind maybe you can come with me to the new library that opened up near school ? i remember you telling me how you hated (subj/n) so i thought i could help you out with it." He offered as he rubbed the back of his neck bashfully. "of course i really need help in it. And i recall you needing serious help in history. Maybe we can..help eachother?" i asked playfully "sure. we can meet up every Monday if thats okay?" he smiled at me. "fine by me" i said. "alright ! its a date." he said before running off to his next class leaving me to process what i just heard. i freaked out in my head before running off to my geography class to go tell (bf/n). Maybe i am special to him after all.

And maybe..just maybe..I’d start looking forward to Mondays too.

hii i hope you liked that i'll probably post the library date thing the day after tomorrow if you want it :) anyway please feel free to send requests since i'm having writers block rn so.

#crush x reader #crush fluff #crush imagines #fluff

124 notes · View notes

skeelly · 6 months

Text

"trust that you betrayed, confusion that still lingers"

i see you've decided to suffer by checking my blog so-

hi! welcome to my blog! :)

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉

: ̗̀➛ i usually post about: taylor swift, sometimes one direction, books i haven't actually finished, rarely rants, sometimes harry potter/other shows I've watched and honesty just anything i see on my feed.

: ̗̀➛ i love/enjoy: taylor swift, olivia rodrigo, claire rosinkranz, conan gray, one direction and all it's members, harry potter, HORSES, writing//reading, money, poetry, football//soccer (sports in general), memes or anything funny, painting my nails, that one guy in my sister's class, being annoying and most importantly the sturniolo triplets.

this is a safe place for everyone!

@crysten is my second acc that i has no value and use. if you know me irl, i suggest you just stop looking at my blog :)

: ̗̀➛ things about me: my name is kristen. i go by she/her. im from the philippines. im a capricorn. intp-t. its hard for me not to make typos cause i send messages without thinking twice. i hate school. if we don't count online friends then im practically friendless. im in a science curriculum but can't understand physics. i love writing. i can fluently speak 3 languages but i want to speak more. i look like an absolute mess no matter the time. im 100000% ambivert. i don't like people who can't work the same pace as me (i know that's toxic, i swear im trying to fix it). my birthday is after christmas. i embarrass myself in ways not even god thought would be possible. im a confusing little biatch so im sorry. OBVIOUSLY, i live off of pinterest and i guess tumblr. proper grammar = non existent. i will give you anything you want, just give me a horse and grayson hawthorne. i love making friends so please don't feel shy to interact with me and i am a minor so please don't be weird <3

i reblog my posts to my other acc because im funny and yes, i keep adding to this intro because i find this thing fun and im kinda bad at keeping up with posts im mentioned in, so im sorry if i dont reply. oh and this intro is heavily inspired by @svnflowermoon & @stvrlighhttt <3

: ̗̀➛ some special people:

@mqstermindswift @stvrlighhttt @remingtonreputation13 @what-about-wendy @dumbass-lesbian @themidnightarcher @astraeasparrow @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies @lucinda-008 @niallermybabe @coco6420 @atwtmvftvtvsgavralpss @swiftieannah @reminiscentreader @hathorneheiress @xyzinthearea-1 @glitterfuturisticmortally @blocked-zombieartist @philomenacunkstan1 @real-human-shana-nicole @newromanticslut @holdmyteaplease @my-mind-is-frozen @zuzanna-jadw1ga @starchasers-stuff @chilipowder9 @iwanttomarrynoahshaw @evermore-4-life @lovliestars @urbanflorals @sl33py-angel @antlerbullets @rohza-is-a-bit-gay @mickeywheeler @reyna-obsessed @13callisto @nqds @maketheshadowsfearyou @crowgenius @in-a-state-of-crisis @cc-horan @bookishswiftie1989 @ava-taylors-version @pranav03 @thislifeissweeterthanfiction @mickeywheeler @waiting-down-the-hall-for-me (apparently i reached the max ments on a post)

SERIOUSLY, IF YOU KNOW ME IRL, STOP LOOKING AT ME BLOG.

: ̗̀➛ dni: racists//homophobes//proshippers//does not stand with palestine//over 30 (respectfully)

121 notes · View notes

thecapricunt1616 · 17 days

Text

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 3

♡ Summary: Carmy actually has allowed himself FRIENDS?? Also- he gets to have like.. a normal day with Syd somewhat, outside of work, hanging out with people who aren't in any way involved w/ the restaurant.

♡ W/C: 6,919

♡ Posted Date: 04/08/2024

♡ A/N: Hayo ;D Here is C3 of Blue Lotus!!! I am v much like Carmy & got a alot of amusement AND enjoyment writing this chapter, so that makes my brain tell me I took it too OOC & I haaate writing these 2 OOC. So if its OOC I'm sorry, but at least it's funny LOL. The story Shayna tells is lightly based on Euphoria But the college version - so if you've seen it that's why it feels a little familiar - if you haven't seen it its a same vibe except high school so the father is much, much more disgusting. But I looove writing Shayna so much, I have friends like her & they are always the personalities to make you laugh until youre sore the next day - & Syd & Carmy deserves a friend like that so I gave them one! Without further ado, I hope you enjoy <3 As per usual this fic is inspired by Tucson that can be read here It was written by my lovely friend @gingergofastboatsmojito please be sure to read that one before you read Blue Lotus, also do give Ginger a follow!!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Talks of ; a near physical assault, blood, sex, transphobia/outing, self inflicted wounds, actually contains; smoking cigarettes/weed, drinking alcohol, vomiting, swearing

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

“Hey! Im Sydney- sure! We were uh…we were gonna cook- do you wanna join? I just got back from the store” she got up, shaking her hand.

“Totally - my god this necklace! Where did you get it?” Shayna asked, leaning in and looking at the pendant “and you smell so good, lavender?” She said.

“I thrifted it! I love thrifting. Carm does too- does it so much he has to keep extra jeans in his oven.. oh! And yeah this perfume it’s inside. I’ll show it to you” Syd replied happily.

“Your oven?” Jesse asked Carm

“Yeah uh.. not enough space- um Syd these are my…” he trails off

“Friends. Were his friends- therapy friends I guess. I mean I hope he holds his word and texts me when we get out of here” Shayna nudged Carm’s shoulder gently.

He cleared his throat “yeah- uh-my friends. Shayna and Jesse.” He said shyly.

“Well it’s nice to meet you guys, have you ever had deer? They sell it at the grocery store here, harder to get in Chicago. I figured we’d try this recipe I thought up a while ago” she opened the door to the cabin and Jesse and Shana went inside making themselves at home right away.

This wasn’t the first time they’d hung out, they would do this a few times a week before dinner and then sit and eat together before going back to their respective cabins for the night.

“Never had deer before - aren’t you guys like super chefs or-“ Jesse is interrupted by Shayna’s whining

“Carmen you still haven’t asked for a wifi box?!” She asked annoyed, putting her phone back in the pocket of her cargo jeans.

“No I haven’t because I don’t need one I’m not addicted to Instagram or whatever the fuck” Carmy said, taking the door for Syd and she headed in, him following suit.

“Oh yeah I forgot Carmy the little old man who likes to hide away from the online world- you look like you take fire Instagram pictures, how do you deal with that loser all the time?” She asked Syd jokingly, leaning against the counter and watching as she pulled various ingredients from the fridge.

Syd laughed a bit, a big smile on her face as she moved around looking through various cabinets. “I do…um- Chef-“ she said and he sat up from where he was leaning against the kitchen doorframe

“Where do you need me?” He asked her

“Onions medium dice if you can manage the knives here suck” she took out one of the small knives they kept for him in the drawer and set it on the cutting board as she began to pick the rosemary, putting the sprigs in a bowl.

“What the fuck is that” Shayna picked up a mortar with a deep black goop at the bottom.

“Juniper berries…found a juniper tree when I was hanging outside. Made sure it’s the right kind so don’t be worried” Syd said and Carmen couldn’t help the small smile that curled his lips.

“You found a juniper, and you just.. remembered this recipe?” Carmen asked, chopping the onions as skillfully as if he hadn’t been out of the kitchen a single day.

“Thats hot” Shayna says “you’re hot as hell bitch! Oh my god! You just saw a tree and were like ‘let me make up this super cute berry deer coquette dish’ ” she said, causing Syd, her, and Jesse to crack up, but Carmen was lost.

“The fuck is a coquette?” He asked, causing Syd to laugh harder when Shayna said between giggles

“I told you! He’s so old!!!” She squeaked, leaning against the counter and wiping tears from the corners of her eyes.

“Coquette is like… Marina and the Diamonds on Vinyl, pink bow, fairy princess, Sydney in the woods picking juniper berries aesthetic it’s like..a vibe.” Shayna explained.

“Oh my god- it’s a girl thing carm it’s like. I dunno- like pink frilly shit and like- Lacy shit?” Jesse tried to explain.

Carm raised his brows, scraping the now cut onions into a bowl. “So Syd picking berries what does that have to do with- what did you say- pink bows?” Carm questioned and Shayna rolls her eyes.

“It’s the vibe Carmen, the vibe. Ugh you are no fun I can already tell Sydney is the fun one. What music do you listen to?” Shayna sat up next to Syd on the counter as she dusted the board with flour and started to cut the meat into chunks.

“I listen to…well- a lot. My mom loved R&B so I still listen to that but mostly 90s stuff that makes me think of her, I love SZA, HER, Jhené Aiko, oh Kali Uchis! Khelani of course… frank ocean is so fire I really like his stuff too..yeah just a lot of stuff.” She explained.

Carm sat there digesting every word she said, it wasn’t unusual for him to do that. He tried tucking the unfamiliar names in the back of his mind so he could look them up or ask Shayna what she knew about them later.

“Oh my god- we have to chill sometime!! Do you smoke?” Shay asked hopefully and Syd looked at Carm for a moment before her eyes flickered back to Shayna.

“I do. But…not when I’m working. Because it fucks up my taste and smell..but I am on vacation so…” she said with a small shrug and a smile.

“Dude! Oh my god Jesse cmon I need to go back to my cabin” she got down off the counter “I’ll be right back” she said and they headed out being sure to close the door behind them.

“They’re fucking?” Syd asked and Carmen laughed a bit

“No- no. Where’d you get that?” He asked, beginning to peel the carrots over the garbage can.

“Why did he go with her? Aren’t the cabins all right here?” She asked.

Carmen looked up at her for a moment “oh- yeah. They are. Shay has somethin about being alone. Somethin about her childhood- she came here because she said it’s like…the good version of where her dad sent her. Whatever that means. But she can’t be out and about alone it freaks her out. I guess she went to some… wilderness camp? She went on about it in one of our sessions. They were…they were fucked up.” He said, putting the now peeled carrot down on the cutting board and starting on the next.

“Shit.” She said, putting the cast iron on the burner, starting the flame with the lighter that she’d found on the counter. “Like…so they left her in the middle of nowhere or something?” She asked and Carmy shrugged.

“Kinda like that. She said that they like…would hike all day. And then at night they’d have to pitch their own tents. They took their shoes at night so they wouldn’t try and run. They’d like- send pictures back to their family- and if they didn’t smile they’d get in trouble. Pretty fuckin…sadistic shit t’do to a kid. Dunno how her dad thought it would change her ways - she said she went because their views on religion didn’t align…” he explained

“Wow…” she said, after a long beat of silence “she’s like..I wouldn’t have expected her to be so friendly after that. I wouldn’t be” she said, salting down the meat.

“Yeah Shayna is…a character. For sure. But she’s really sweet, and has a huge heart even though she loves to bitch people out. She’d cut someone if they tried to fuck with me, though. One of the newcomers showed me that” he chuckled, shaking his head a bit.

“What happened?” She asked

“So we were at lunch, and before that day we just..sat at the same table but didn’t really talk. She talked, but I would mostly listen. And um, this new dude. Justin? I think? Total fuckhead. Guys a tank too, like fuckin’ 6’2? No joke. But uh he was like basically screaming at his table, talkin’ so fuckin’ loud, so I looked over- and he met my eyes and just went off hes like ‘you got a problem little man? What the fuck is up with you, you got a staring problem?’ And Shayna- you should have seen her!” He laughs at the memory.

“What’d she do?” Syd asks curiously.

“Oh, she picked up her mashed potatoes- like - a fist full of mashed potatoes Syd- bare handed- and screeeamed at him ‘YOU WANNA FUCK WITH HIM COCKSUCKER?! WHY DON’T YOU COME FUCK WITH A BITCH THAT CAN ACTUALLY LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, SCAREDY MOTHERFUCKER!’ then whipped it at the dude. It hit him right in the face- eeeeveryone was dying we were all cracking the fuck up. I haven't seen him again after that, thankfully, but then she just looked at me and asked me for my plastic knife so she could get the potatoes from under those huge nails she wears and went to wash her hands like nothing happened.” He explained.

Syd laughs and Carm follows suit. “Wow. Well I guess I shouldn’t worry about you after all- you found a temporary big sister, you should keep her around. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who would pelt another in the face with mashed potatoes for me” she snorts a laugh, setting the meat in the pan.

“I would. Without a shadow of a doubt, when Marcus was yelling at you I wanted to fuckin knock him out with a pan-“ he stopped himself and she looked over at him, the only sound now filling the room being the sizzling of venison on cast iron and the tick of the wall clock.

She blinked a few times, unsure what to say before the memory of the drawing came back to her.

Just say it now. Why else would he want to hit one of his employees with a pan if not for feelings he hasn’t made me aware of?

She’d thought to herself.

But Carmen on the other hand was thanking god that Shayna and Jesse came back, boisterous as ever-

“Pookiesss We come bearing gifts” Shayna drops a bag on the table, as well as a pink speaker that was playing some Spanish music Carmen hadn’t ever heard before.

“You listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd asks as she turns around.

“YOU Listen to bad bunny?” Jesse asks and Syd smiles big

“Who doesn’t listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd laughed “he’s like- literally I think the most listened to Spotify artist or something? Top 3?!”

“Who is bad bunny?” Carmen asks as he cut the carrots into matchsticks.

“You need to train your dogs better, Sydney” Shayna teased, taking shooters of grey goose out of her tote bag and putting them in the freezer.

Syd laughs so hard she snorts, covering up her mouth with her hand and shaking her head. “You are fucking insane” she said

Carmen smiled big, looking over at Syd. “Chef, did you just snort?” He teased smugly and set his knife down, leaning against the counter next to her, smirking.

“I did- because your friend thinks you’re my bitch” she teased, turning back to the meat and flipping each cube carefully with the metal tongs that were next to her on the counter.

Carmen’s mouth drops and his cheeks go scarlett, Shayna snorts a laugh, sitting at the table casually, legs crossed as she picked the stems and seeds off buds of weed, while Jesse howls with laughter. “Fuuuck-“ he shakes his head with amusement “wow. I uh…” he snorts a laugh “I get you Carmen. Get you better now” he said.

“Okay- fuck you shayna” Carmen shook his head, unable to contain his smile. He’d never heard Syd laugh so hard before and witnessing it made him feel on fire.

“Sorry I can tell who wears the pants it’s a natural talent of mine” she shrugged, “Jess come do this” she slid the little container of picked apart buds over to the spot next to her and he sits next to her at the table.

“So you guys aren’t..like you’ve not known eachother before this?” Syd asks them.

“Oh! No we did actually. Jess and I met at this program when we were 14, restart. It was a pure chance though that we come here at the same time.” She said and got up, washing her hands in the kitchen sink of the sticky resin.

“That’s so cool - where are you from?” Syd asked her as she takes the bowl of onions from next to Carm at the island, their hands brushing for a moment which caused Carmen to nearly cut himself because his focus was completely lost at her touch.

“Were from LA. Aren’t you from Chicago? Why are you here? I mean- like it’s great you’re great I’m glad to have a sane member of society around, it’s refreshing when you’re only around only psychos, you know? But uh..” she laughed a bit when Syd got started “you must be…pretty close friends” she looked at Carm for a moment before looking back at her.

Carmen suddenly felt something akin to anger sitting low in his chest. And it had to do with Shayna. He likes Shayna, so he wasn’t sure what was going on. But, Jesse saw the switch in Carmen- and read it right away as jealousy.

“Uh…” Syd clears her throat nervously, suddenly not knowing what to say.

“Like what is it? Jess? We went to restart in Wisconsin so Chicago? How far is that?” She asks.

Jesse gave her the cut it out eyes, but Shayna hadn’t been able to play matchmaker in weeks, she was gonna push these two together the same way she made her Barbie’s kiss when she was a kid.

“I’ll guess like - 1800 miles. Soooo- oh! And don’t you have that restaurant?” She asked and Syd nods.

“Mmhmm we run it together. It’s fine though it’s being held down, I finally got my new Sous trained and his sister is working a lot lately she wants to get everything all together before she has her baby so…” she rambled on, trying to pull out any reason that made it sound like she was unneeded there - even though that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Right. I’m gonna go smoke would you like to come? I’m sure your…” she looks back at Carmen for a moment before looking back at Sydney “partner can hold this down until we get back?” She asked and looked at Carmen again, raising her brows.

“Yeah- yeah Syd go. Go ahead go relax - got this chef.” He nods and went over to the stove, squeezing past her in the tight space, his hand brushing her waist momentarily as he did so.

“Okay- okay sure” Syd nodded, following Shayna outside. She walked quietly for a few moments, lighting the joint and taking a drag before handing it over to Syd.

They were about 30 feet from the house, Syd was taking a deep drag of the joint - savoring the taste since she couldn’t do it often, when Shayna said

“You need to fuck eachothers brains out so he can go the fuck home. That- or tell him it’ll never happen so he can stay here for however long it takes him to break down and move on”

Sydney choked on the smoke in her throat, quickly handing the burning joint back to Shayna and coughing into her arm.

Shayna laughs before taking another drag, patting Sydney’s back sympathetically. “Sorry- people have told me I’m too blunt but I’d rather hear the truth so I give it to people straight” she said simply.

“Dude! What if he heard you! Shhh!” Sydney said once she caught her breath.

“Oh please! No! He didn’t! And if he did- he’d be leaned halfway out the door trying to hear the answer because he’s dying to know! You know he has the hots for you- please- don’t play stupid, girl” She rolled her eyes, handing the joint back over.

“What - no- he’s- we’re business partners” Syd replied, shaking her head and taking a short drag. “He doesn’t. He’s just sick and clinging to me he’s - he’s depressed and I’m violating HIPAA or whatever by saying that but it’s honest! I’m not his type” She passed it back over to Shayna.

She took it, laughing at her HIPAA comment “Chefs aren’t bound to HIPAA regulations, but nonetheless- I’ll be honest for you, since you can’t be honest with yourself. You flew here because you want to fuck him. There’s no other explanation- no not even just fuck- you love the guy. Why else would you fly across the country to be with him? Especially when he’s due home in 11 days. No dick is that great, especially attached to a guy on that many psych meds.” She said and took a long drag.

Sydney’s heart began racing 100 miles an hour. She stopped walking, leaning against the fence, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She imagined this is how Carmy felt when Stardust threw him off.

“Are you- what in the Hozier Adele ass fuck. You didn’t know? Or - realize- the L word? That you love him?” Shayna said, taking another drag of the joint.

Sydney stared at the forest ahead, resting her hand on her forehead, shaking her head. “Fuck. Fuck. Oh fuck.” She swallowed hard. “Um-uh I- I feel sick? I feel- I’m gonna throw up.” Syd said, standing up and quickly walking over to the large oak tree at the end of the rows of cabins, hurling up the remainders of her lunch which was just a McDonald’s burger she’d gotten on her way back from the grocery store.

“Jesus Christ. It’s you too? What are you waiting for?” Shay followed after her, rubbing her back gently

“What do you mean-“ She’s interrupted by a gag she couldn’t hold back. “Fuck. What do you mean what’s me too?” She asked, coughing and spitting the bile taste in her mouth on the ground before leaning against the tree to catch her breath.

“Like- you and him both don’t even realize you’re in love. It’s weird as fuck. It’s usually one person chasing - but you guys are secretly chasing eachother? But also at the same time trying I dunno. One of you has to make a move though” she said, leaning on the tree next to Syd.

“What if he’s just sick? What if he’s clinging to me because he’s sick and…and I’m like manipulating him” she asked nervously

“Ahh yes because you are manipulating a grown man into not breathing when he sees you? You can do that? Can you teach me? Except I’ll use it to kill creeps” she nudged Syds shoulder, finally earning a smile back out of her.

“He doesn’t do that…” she looked at the ground sheepishly

“When we get back, I’m gonna count out loud because the oblivious fuck hears no one when you’re around, and watch he won’t be breathing. I swear it’s like the first thing I noticed looks like a fuckin fish out of water.” She said and finished the joint, stomping it out with her shoe. “Shall we put my experiment to the test?” She asks and Syd rolls her eyes.

“I wanna see what’s going on with the food let’s go” she smiled a bit, heading back with Shayna to the cabin.

It only took them 4 minutes back, Shayna walks in first and Carm’s head pops up from his conversation with Jesse at the counter, and as soon as Syd pops in behind her- Shayna quietly starts whispering “one…two…three…four..-OW!” She squeaks as Syd kicks her ankle just enough to hurt.

That was enough to break Carm out of his trance “hey- hey- how was your walk, y’okay? You look…I dunno” he came up to her, feeling Syds cheek with the back of his hand “y’flushed…” he said and she pulled away from his touch, feeling embarrassed.

“I’m fine” she said, walking back to the stove and making sure the meat was okay. “What did you do with the beef stock?” She asked, looking over the counter.

Carmy swallowed thickly “uh- sorry, sorry. Here” he went to where he put it in the cabinet and handed it to her. “We…we good?” he asked quietly.

“We’re good. Get the juniper berries please.” She said without meeting his gaze and opened the stock, pouring some in the pan.

Shayna giggles and Carm looks back at where she and Jesse were sat at the table, Jesse making a circle with his thumb and forefinger and thrusting his other finger in and out of it, alluding to their sexual tension lacing the room.

“Oh you are children.” Carmen grumbles, grabbing a beer from the fridge and rolling his eyes “want one- dipshit? Cabin check is tomorrow they all need to be gone” he said and Jesse nodded with a smug smile.

“You love your crazy camp besties pookie!!! Don’t play games cause your cool chef friend is around” Shayna said, getting up and going to the freezer, taking out 2 shots.

“Syd?” She asked and Sydney turns around, looking at the shots in her hand.

“Uh- why not. Sure. Just one” she said, taking one of them and cracking it open.

“Cheers” Shayna says, clinking her shooter with Syds

“To?” Syd asked.

“New beginnings” Shayna said simply before tilting her head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.

“That was the best fucking food I’ve ever eaten. Have you guys ever been told you should open a restaurant?” Jesse teased, helping Carmen clear the empty dishes from table.

“Wow you really should pursue stand up, Jess” Carmy said with a small smile, collecting the 4 disposable cups they used for wine and throwing them away.

“You know who would fuckin love her Carm?” Syd motions to Shayna

“Who?” He mused, rolling up his sleeves and starting the hot water on the sink.

“Richie. They’d be menaces together but they’d be best friends!” Syd laughs a bit and Carmen gasps

“Richie!!! Yes! They would- but- Oh my god how is he? I literally- fuck. I’m so shitty I haven’t even really…like been thinkin about everyone back home other then like you and I- I guess sugar” Carmen said.

Jesse and Shayna gave eachother a ‘we’ll discuss this romcom fuckshow later’ look, before giggling amongst themselves.

“He’s- he’s Richie. He’s never gonna let me stabbing him go. Every time I tell him to do something he’s like ‘right away chef wouldn’t wanna get stabbed’ - he’s scaring the new hires, carm!” She giggled in the way that made his heart flutter like butterflies were smacking it with their wings. “And he keeps calling me cousin by mistake!! It’s getting ..really weird” she shook her head, sitting down at the table.

“You stabbed a motherfucker?” Shayna asked impressed.

Carmen laughed a bit “on accident” he told her

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good he was grating my last nerve that day. But I mean…he’s okay so I’m not that bad for thinking it” she smiled and Carmen laughed, scrubbing the plates with the sponge.

“I would have stabbed this motherfucker but I just did one better and made everyone afraid to fuck with me. Everyone thinks this was a result of my attempt but it’s not.” Shayna showed off a long scar on her forearm, partially covered by a large dragon tattoo.

“You did that to yourself?” Syd asked, slightly impressed but mostly a little scared, her finger gently rubbing up the raised scar.

“Mmhmm. In college. I went to this party, this guy-“ she shook her head with a small, mischievous smile. “So he comes in the kitchen, he’s acting like a fucking bull so of course I’m staring at the weirdo, right? He looks at me- and he goes what the fuck are you looking at, bitch. And I was new, so I didn’t know it was his house. So I was like I’m looking at some meathead loosing his temper like a toddler, what the fuck are you looking at. And he just asks me who I am- and…” she sits back “I didn’t know anyone? Like…I went there to meet people. So I was like oh I’m Shayna and he just starts screaming ‘who the fuck is Shayna, does anyone at this party know a fucking Shayna?’ And he was like in my face. So I told him I was like I’m not trying to start anything here I’m minding my business back up and he goes ‘no one that looks like you is minding their own business’ and then he- he told me he knew what I was.” She said and shrugged.

“ And that I just wanted attention. And that he would give me the attention I was looking for. And then? He told everyone in the kitchen that someone better speak for me or he was gonna fuck me up.- so, I grabbed a knife from the counter, and he backed up like a pussy and was like ‘I’m kidding! I’m kidding it’s a joke I’m fucking with you!’ And I asked him if he wanted to hurt me, and he kept saying no - even though I knew he was getting ready to kick the shit out of me, probably worse. So I slit my arm, and bled on him. Then I left. And no one ever tried to out me there again.” She said and sipped her beer.

“You’re gay?” Sydney asked curiously.

“Yeah but that’s- Jesus Christ these Chicagoans” she said, and her and Jesse started laughing.

“What? What’s funny?” Syd sat up.

“she’s-“ Carmen starts

“AHT!” Shayna tisks “no, Carmen, we got to make fun of you for a month now we get to make fun of her until she figures it out. I think you’re smarter though, socially speaking” She said and Carmen gives her the finger, causing her to laugh.

“Oh- ohhhh! Wow! I wonder how he thought he could tell” Syd said and Carmen looks back at her.

“Really?! How did you figure it out so fast?!” He asked her

Syd laughs “oh because it’s the 2020’s and if someone says they were outed and it’s not about being gay, there’s only one other thing to out” she said and Carm huffs, annoyed with his own pitfalls of refusing to make friends his first 30 years.

“Yeah how would he know? I didn’t know” Carm asked her and she smiled big, looking at Jesse.

“It was fucked. Up. What you did. But if you wanna tell them? Gooo ahead.” He said with a smile, drying the dishes as Carm washed and rinsed them.

Shayna laughs excitedly, sitting up and pushing her long blonde hair back. “Okay, so. I end up finding out who this guy is, right? And apparently…his dad who was the football coach was like- DL- into trans girls- “ Carm interrupts

“What does that mean?” He asked her

“DL? Down low, like- they fuck us in private” she explained and Carmen scrunched his brows in confusion

“Why?” He asked and Shayna looked at him confused.

“Because…they think it’s gay?” She said like it was obvious, but to Carmen, it wasn’t.

“But… Y’re a girl. So how would it be gay?” He asked

“I’ll give you a ‘how humans interact with eachother’ lesson later, Carmen, for now it’s story time” she teased.

“Anyway-“ she continued “so I find this out, because I look up his name on Facebook - see his dad tagged, and I fly to Grindr- because I swore I literally saw him there. Turns out I had. So I send him a chat, we hit it off, I go fuck him-“ she said, Syd starts laughing, Carm turns around with wide jaw eyes and a dropped jaw.

“Like- oh I fuuuuucked that man. Multiple times. He didn’t fuck me- let me say that again for your cis ears to have it sink in, I fucked- this man’s father” she said - Carmen’s jaw drops further, and Jesse was howling with laughter at Syd and Carmys shocked expressions.

“No- no- Shayna- hold on I need a cigarette - Jesse take this shit over” Carmen pulls open the front door, pushing up the glass on the screen door, grabbed his beer and cigarettes from the counter, and sat next to Syd at the table. “Okay keep goin- I’ve never heard this much-“ he shook his head in amusement

“Tea? I know- it gets better!” Shayna laughs.

Carmen smirked, shaking his head and taking out a cigarette lighting it between his lips and taking a drag. “So you fucked this man’s dad.” Carmen couldn’t help but laugh at how insane the words sounded coming from his mouth- and Sydney followed suit, head falling back and eyes squeezing shut, Carmen’s heart quickened at the adorable sight, having the urge to reach out and grab her soft, delicate hand that was just a few inches from his own on the tabletop.

“Oh my god- were taking them with us back to chicago- I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this” Syd said, stealing his beer from next to him and taking a sip.

The action made Carmen’s heart skip a beat. The fact that she was comfortable drinking out of something his lips had already touched, it drove him wild. They had tried food off of the same spoon at work just so they didn’t have to go through the hassle of washing two, but this felt…different. More intimate.

“Did you- I’m sorry- did you want one?” He asked “I didn’t think you liked beer - I thought you said you like wine more” he said and she shook her head.

“We can share…right?” She asked, a bit shyly. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, maybe it was because her white claw had been long forgotten and now was luke warm on the kitchen counter, or maybe it was the few extra shots she’d been convinced into taking earlier that was causing her to take the chat with Shayna to heart.

“Yeah- course, always.” He nodded a bit. Unnoticed by Syd and Carmy, Jesse and Shayna give eachother another ‘we’re gonna talk about this romcom shit later’ look before Shayna clears her throat.

“So- yes Carmen, I fucked this man’s father. And multiple times. He was married- I didn’t fully know that though before you both look at me shitty- he didn’t say that -“ Jesse cuts her off

“Ohhhh- oh! No!!” He laughs “no- the real story- is that she saw a ring but didn’t ask about it - you may now continue” he said, turning back to the sink and rinsing the last of the dishes.

Carm snorts a laugh “evil. That is evil the man’s marriage! Shayna!” He took a drag of his cigarette and she rolled her eyes.

“It was already on the rocks- let me finish! You fucks! So then- I recorded it, and I held onto it- just in case. But. Get this- one of my girlfriends on campus? Guess who she ran into on Grindr?” She asks and Carm and Syd both lean in slightly, and Shayna can’t help but notice the way they were already so in sync.

“The fucking guy from the party” she said and Syd gasps, Carmen cracks up.

“He’s his fathers spitting image. Thats it. That’s why- that’s why he said that to you. He knows about you or whatever? Because he loves girls like you and is also a pussy.” Syd said and Carm hums in agreement.

“Exactly! Exactly. So…I had her tell him to meet her in the park- but…” she smirks and Sydney covers her mouth preemptively, knowing whatever was going to say next was going to be off the wall.

“I was there too- fucking his dad! And oops! he saw us! And I asked him if we should check and see who’s bigger- he dropped out of school the same week- and the dad resigned” she said and took another casual sip of her beer with a proud smirk.

Carmen sits there, dumbfounded, looking to Sydney who when she saw the look on his face cracked up. “Your face-“ she said, causing him to start laughing as well.

“Shay-“ he looks at her, wiping tears that were gathering in the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. “Shayna what the fuck” he managed to get out before laughing again, shaking his head. “You are a person that I won’t ever, ever get on your shit list if I can help it” he said, looking over quickly when Syd coughs from laughing so hard

“Woah- arms up, arms up” he tells her and goes to the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and coming back quickly, opening the cap and handing it to her. She took a large sip.

“Thank you- sorry- fuck you Shayna you’re gonna kill us both I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh this hard” she said and Shayna smiled

“Well, that’s a good thing. this guys got a problem with having the dead inside look- at least before you got here” she nudged Carm with her elbow.

He realized he was still stood, hand protectively on the back of Syds chair looking down at her as if she was the only one in the room.

“Isn’t that why we’re all here?” Jesse countered, sitting in the empty chair next to Shayna

“I’m very alive inside- I just get too manic and start destroying my life because it’s something to do” she said and finished off her beer. “I’m already on probation cmon I need to go to my cabin and you aren’t allowed to have fun without me” she told Jesse, standing up and grabbing her bag and speaker. “Nice to meet you, Sydney. And Remember our chat hot stuff” she said as she put her bag on her shoulder.

“Yeah- we’ll probably run into each other again, I leave Sunday night.” She said, and Carmen’s heart soars.

He wasn’t sure why, he just thought maybe she’d just fly in for one night to see how he was and then leave the next day, but the fact she was staying a whole other day and a half- and they would be alone.

“Sick! Okay well we’ll link up tomorrow then, have a goodnight guys - and remember wrap it before you tap it, shortstack!” Shayna said as her and Jesse shut the door behind them and head off.

Carmen blushed pink, shaking his head. “She’s a hack, but she’s a very nice hack” Carm said, rubbing over his face embarrassedly.

“They’re super cool Carm. She’s..really fuckin out there but-“ she shrugged looking at the clock. “Oh- shit. Fuck- it is late, I don’t want you to get in trouble” she said, standing up and grabbing her coat off the back of her chair.

“You- you aren’t um…staying?” He asked and got up, grabbing her backpack she’d brought with her from the kitchen table and bringing it over.

“Oh well all of my- stuff..” she trailed off, eyes locked on his. They stayed there silent for a moment, and his heart started pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it in his stomach.

“Uh-“ he started and nervously bit the inside of his lip, he’d been doing that a lot tonight. He was holding his tongue, he always did around her. He didn’t understand it, because unless she was around it was like a part of his brain switched off, and he didn’t have access to speech in the same capacity as when she was near.

“I- so…I think um- I-“ he stops himself, grabbing his shoulder nervously and averting her gaze. His throat suddenly felt tight, this was it. He either said something, or he let her leave and he stayed up all night thinking about what he should have said when she leaves.

“Did you draw me?” Sydney asks suddenly.

Carmen feels his stomach doing flips, his palms got sweaty and all of the color drained from his face. “I-“ he crossed his arm over his chest, tightly gripping his hoodie. He suddenly felt as if he could be sick, “I’m sorry?” It came out sounding like a question.

Sydney felt insane “you- when-“ she smiled nervously “oh god- Jesus- I- it must be the-“

Carmen cut her off before she could say what would shut his entire course of action that he was trying to lay out down fully before he could attempt to put it into motion. “I meant- I meant I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. Syd. That’s how I meant it. I - you remind me of home.” He said, not breaking her gaze. “And I need a little bit of that, here.” He said softly.

Syd just nods, holding on to the chair for stability. She wasn’t sure if this conversation was really happening or if she was in some insane dream. She could hardly believe Carmen was expressing himself to her, in a way other then anger or fear.

“I..I draw you a lot.” He admits, running a nervous hand through his hair. “We do uh- art..art therapy. A few hours every day”

“Can I…see them? If…if that’s okay?” She questioned.

The color came back to Carmen’s face full force, he had to be sure whichever sketchbooks he would show her had none of the explicit themed drawings. “Uh- sure. Sure…gimme a sec- I’ll um” he headed to the bedroom, opening the desk drawer and grabbing the bigger sketchbook he usually took to art therapy, the safest one since the therapist would come and look at whatever the patients were working on.

He quickly flicked through it to make sure, before heading back out to the living room where Syd had sat on the couch when he went to retrieve the sketchbook. “I’m- sorry…sorry if this is like. Weird-“ he said, feeling suddenly Insecure about his hobby that was the reprieve that got him through any of the sleepless nights he had here.

“No- no its..it’s sweet Carm, can I?” She asked, grabbing the sketchbook in his lap, their hands brushing lightly. He felt that familiar fire in his chest, and nods with a hum of agreement.

She opened it, eyebrows raising in surprise “they aren’t like-“ he started

“This is incredible-“ she cut him off and leaned over him, turning on the lamp at his side to get a better look at the portrait he had committed to memory of her smiling. He nearly shivered when her curls brushed his cheek, the smell of the perfume on her neck mixed with the familiar scent of her causing goosebumps to appear over his flesh.

“I don’t know if I should be offended that you remember the gap in my teeth so well. Because I know for a fact you aren’t on Instagram” she said. He smiled, rolling his eyes slightly

“It’s one of your nicest qualities” he shrugged a bit.

“Oh one of them? Are there many?” She smiled, flipping the page.

“I think the question should be if you have any flaws” he said, and her eyes flicked back to his.

They were now sitting so close that their faces were less then a foot apart. “I think we both know that’s bullshit.” She said

“To you maybe” his eyes flickered to her lips momentarily.

“I always catch you doing that” she teased, smiling a bit.

“Doing what?” He asked, his eyes meeting hers again.

“I dunno…staring at me..like..” she looks at his lips for a long moment before meeting his gaze once again.

“Why do you think?” He asked quietly.

“There are alot of things I can’t seem to figure out about you…Carmy” she said just above a whisper.

“Well what do you want to know. I’m uh…trying to be more open.” He said equally as soft.

“Do you know why I really came here?” She asked

“Because you saw the fuckin drawing, somehow.” He smiled a bit.

“Yes” she chuckled “but- it just..it kinda confirmed something for me I dunno- I just wanted to come check if maybe-“

She’s interrupted by his lips on hers, she was surprised at first, but of course didn’t pull away. He cupped her cheek gently, his thumb rubbing over her supple skin.

The way their lips moved together was natural, like they’d done this already a thousand times in a hundred lives. His nose gently nudges hers and she wraps her fingers in his dirty blonde curls, tugging gently how she’d fantasized so many times.

He slid his tongue over her plump bottom lip, humming softly when she opened her mouth at the contact. His hands were nearly shaking. His entire body felt like it was exploding with tiny fireworks underneath his skin.

The air between them both felt as if it was crackling with electricity. As if the universe was humming in approval that they had finally accepted their bond.

Sydney had never felt anything so right. She felt as if every stress in her life evaporated, as if her and Carmy were the only 2 people in the world. She felt like she was glowing from the inside out. “T’make sure I wanted t’do that…right?” He said softly when she pulled away.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ⋘ 𝐖𝐈𝐏 ♡♡♡ ⋙

24 notes · View notes

leftclown · 10 months

Text

So now I'm gonna move on and actually describe an experience I have had as a trans man who is currently detransitioned due to financial status. This experience involves both misogyny and transphobia, and I'm not really here to debate weather or not I Can experience these things, instead I'm just going to share it.

So I guess somewhat important context to this is that I am rather feminine by appearence. If you encountered me in the wild you'd think I was the hoodie and cookie monster pajama girl from high school. My partner, also not currently receiving gender affirming care passes a bit better than me. He at the very least gives people pause or incites confusion. Usually, though, people just assume he's a young man.

I was going to get a state ID because I had moved recently to another state. My ID from my previous state had my gender marked as M because I went through the due process to get that done. New home state has a policy that if youre from out of state you have to get your ID processed at the police station. My partner is also trans and had gone a week prior to get his done, and they had respected his ID's gender marker, moving all of his information from the out of state record.

I go in and of course I am marked F, so upon reviewing it I said thats incorrect, because my ID says M. We go back and forth and I eventually produce my partner's ID and say "you did it for him just last week". Big mistake on my part because I'm honestly still learning how not to give people like this the benefit of the doubt. Regardless, they go to their manager to figure out what to do.

A few minutes later I am called alone into the managers office. Here's a shortlist of this meeting;

-Thet confiscated my partners ID without him present

-Told me my due process didn't matter, that I can only change it if I had a letter saying I had already had SRS.

-Took my previous ID and voided it so I couldn't change my birth certificate

-Made me submit my ID as F

-Tell me my partner has to come in to correct his to F as well

This all happens very quickly, and I try to advocate for myself and lose. By the end of it, I am crying a bit and I mutter to myself "This is fucking insane".

This is the part that really fucked me up.

The manager stepped forward toward me, holding her hands in that defensive position, the one cops to do say 'I'm calm but prepared to use force', you know where they tilt their hips forward and rest their hands on the front of their belt. She tells me "I understand you're upset, but there is no swearing in here."

I am a nearly 30 year old MAN. And she is trying to tell me not to swear like I'm some teenager giving her lip.

"I'm not from here, this is just how I talk" I say, not yet realizing that she is trying to instigate. She prods this issue again, trying to detract me, trying to get me to cuss more. Trying to rile me up. I become quiet and still, thank them for their time and leave. She called me Sweetheart as I left.

And there is nothing I can do in this situation. Im dealing with cops in a red state. There's nothing I can do but cave to the authority because my plans are bigger than this. Because to further advocate is to put myself in danger and she made that very clear by drawing a line at me swearing. So I submit.

Submitting in a situation like this feels like your power is being taken from you. Like they are physically removing something from your arms and trying to get it back would be a major risk. It's not just that someone is stepping on me, it's that theyre telling me politely to get on the ground so I can be stepped on. It felt especially oppressive in this scenario, but it always feels like this. In the workplace, in social group, in family, a trans man is the least respectable thing you can be because not only are you a woman, but you're a crazy, damaged woman and if you're me you get ire for being a waste of a pretty face.

There's always a timeline too, it can be long or short but it always goes like this; People receive me initially with feigned tolerance and some mild comparisons to my partner's masculinity. Then they start poking and pushing and trying to see if I'm really a trans man in ways they think is subtle but to me is very unsubtle. Eventually, when they've disrespected me to the point of reacting emotionally, they act like they've gotten their gotcha moment because I've displayed the Ultimate Thing that makes you Not A Man: Tears. Most of them don't even need to get to there to conclude I'm a trender because well if I'm already almost 30 and haven't transitioned, I must not want it bad enough.

I'm sharing this story not just because it displays the intersections of being a trans man, how hard it is to obtain respect and how fragile that respect is, but also because I know there are guys out there who are like me. I see you, you with the puffy lips and round hips, you who can't transition right now, you who feels like he's waiting for a some day, for a time when it's just okay to exist out there and be treated with the basic fucking dignity of telling someone "Hi, I'm Dave" and having them reply without looking at your tits first. Who has beat himself up in the quiet hours for years for being too emotional, too feminine, feeling assaulted by the way the world wants to commodify your body and demonize your mind. You deserve to be seen and respected.

83 notes · View notes

trainingdummyrabbit · 1 month

Text

okaaaaaay. ranking the library's floors based on how nice it would be to take a nap there. graded by ambiance and comfort. trying not to let too many of my own biases shine through but also no promises. im sleepy. ok 👍

> Lobby/Halls: im counting it because itd be funny. the ambiance is not unlike a hotel hallway; kind of really unsettling in its uniformity and undefinedness, but it Does make you sleepy if youre brave enough to risk it. feels like there'd be a chaser monster in there. and there is, if you count angela, i guess. 5/10 ambience. im pretty sure it is like 60-70% stairs if you look at it, which is deeply funny. where do the stairs go. i guess the better question is where Don't the stairs go. there are also no chairs or Anything; just bookshelves and lamps. its pretty clear you arent supposed to be in there long. dim lighting's pretty nice at least. 3/10 comfort. VERDICT: 4/10. At least it's got presentation.

> Floor of General Works: the vibe is pretty nice, if you can get past feeling like a tree on a prairie. a hawk could swoop in and snatch you or something. the towers of books could be kinda comforting for the right people, though. 4/10 ambiance. this is books. 3/10 comfort. VERDICT: 3.5/10. Don't Fall Off.

> Floor of History: its pretty busy, but the kind of busy where it just kinda turns into comforting background noise. its like the equivalent of having on cafe noises to study or sleep to. less of a "lulling you to sleep" sort of deal and more of a "i am so tired i could literally pass out sitting up." and then you do. might be a little much, but if you can find a nice corner somewhere it might be refreshing. nice little power nap. 7/10 ambiance. not Really the most conducive to taking a nap physically-- best you've got is facedown on the desk. which, honestly, isnt too bad. theyre nice desks. could make yourself a little hidey hole with the books sitting around. just be careful not to let anyone spot you. 7/10 comfort. VERDICT: 7/10. Respectably cozy for a quick pick-me-up.

> Floor of Technological Sciences: the light from the windows is probably jarring as hell, but away from that is pretty nice honestly. a bit uniform for my own liking, but the dim light looks like it'd do wonders. cant imagine how anyone doesn't already get sleepy working in there. 7/10 ambiance. the geaaaarrrsssss.... good luck getting any actual sleep with That nonsense going on 24/7. also i dont think theres a Single non-90 degree angle in the entire floor besides the gears, (which you Really shouldnt be sleeping near,) which i cant imagine does anyone's backs any favors. not a single good desk in sight beyond yesods, and i dont think hed take kindly to sharing this way. also that is the most uncomfortable looking couch i have ever seen. 2/10 comfort. VERDICT: 4.5/10. Almost, buddy. Bring your own pillow. And earplugs.

> Floor of Literature: the little ceiling lights are absolutely Lovely. could argue for it being too bright, but honestly that's an easy fix. its comfy in the way a school library is-- honestly one of the more inviting floors to be on. its practically Begging for a nap tbh. very neat and comfortable. 8/10 ambiance. girl how small is that table???? even with leniency for art style with the size, the chair backs barely reach th edge of the table. looks like youd be ppppretty squished sleeping there. doesn't look like theres many other notable spots to sneak your way into either, so its the table or the floor. one way or another you are waking up as if youve been hit by a truck. 3/10 comfort. VERDICT: 5.5/10. Very polite and comfy, but oh Man is that gonna mess you up later.

> Floor of Art: YEAH BABEY!!!!! very dim but with several soft light sources, the loose and comfortable feel of the place-- this is what its all about honestly. the paintings and such are a nice touch as well. chances are, no ones gonna really bat an eye if they catch you asleep here. it just feels like the place for it. the natural look must be very nice after everything, too. 9/10 ambiance. those floorboards are Going to kill you. cant imagine trying to walk in there without tripping. not a lot of obvious places to set up, but if youre feeling brave you can probably nest up in a pile of books somewhere. on the other hand, theres probably all sorts of little spaces and nooks to tuck into if youre crafty. as someone who would enjoy sleeping in a cabinet, can approve. 6/10 comfort. VERDICT: 7.5/10. He gets a 10/10 in MY heart. Taking that back pain like a CHAMP.

> Floor of Natural Sciences: the same kind of comfort as an old ladys guest room. aka i Wish i could take a nap there. only caveat is the blinding light coming in from pretty much everywhere. its like trying to sleep with an open curtain, but like... all the time. looks like itd smell nice in there, at least. 7/10 ambiance. has actually comfy-looking chairs! seems like thered be a few places you could manage to tuck into comfortably in a corner someplace with a cushion or something. also one of (maybe the only?) floors that actually has carpeting! so no getting woken up by footsteps, or having to sleep on floorboards. 7/10 comfort. VERDICT: 7/10. Probably like sleeping in a sunbeam. Equally disorienting when Tiph inevitably gets at you for slacking off.

> Floor of Language: its kinda scruffy looking, but if youre not bothered by that it looks like it might be pretty comforting actually. i wont explain. lightings pretty nice as long as youre not looking directly out the window. soundscape might not be horrible, its a bit of a coinflip with the industrial look though. caveat? cigarette smoke... 7/10 ambiance. Comfy! Looking! COUCH!!! you Are passing out on that thing whether you want to or not. also you could probably have a nice time tucking up against the windowsill if you can handle the brightness. might even be warm. im kinda surprised actually. 8/10 comfort. VERDICT: 7.5/10. I could swear I've fallen asleep here before. Minus the um. Lava. But you get what I mean.

> Floor of Social Sciences: this place looks like a memory. this is the type of sleep youd get where youre briefly kinda disoriented on where you are for a while. ive gotta imagine the water sounds pretty nice too. and the coffee smells! can you imagine?? theres probably all sorts of small talk going on in the background, just a few people stopping by here and there to exchange pleasantries over a drink. i gotta stop here, i Will just keep going. 10/10 ambiance. i need to bump this up at least a little due to the theme alone. im listening while writing these and the sheer wave of peace it always brings is indescribable. howeverrrrr... return of The Couch. you Cannot convince me that thing is made of any sort of remotely soft material. at least its got pillows. on the other hand, you get good windowsill access (REALLY good windowsill too,) AND bar access. must be nice to find a quiet corner in, too. 8/10 comfort. VERDICT: 9/10. Is anyone honestly surprised. (But still, jeez dude.)

> Floor of Philosophy: the dim lighting AND the ceiling stars??? dude... its a bit quiet, but quiet in the way a classroom is after-hours. a silent sort of welcoming. if youre able, Nothing is going to bother you in there. this is where you go to Rest. 9/10 ambiance. girl there is NOWHERE to sleep. other than like the table. also is that just... water? on the floor? i appreciate the aesthetic deeply, but um. i dont think thats very nap conducive. the floor is probably wood but it looks almost like stone with how its shaped. cant imagine your back would thank you after that one. table's not too bad at least. 6/10 comfort. VERDICT: 7.5/10. The equivalent of passing out in a therapist's office. Hope you're ready for an in-depth personal conversation when you wake up.

> Floor of Religion: this looks like a principals office. cant shake the feeling of mild yet stern disapproval coming from this place. on the other hand, it Does feel Very secure. id imagine thered be at least faint clock ticking-- That has to be pretty nice. if youre the right person, i guess. the occasional ceiling light is pretty nice, but its already pretty bright in there. youll fall asleep in here and either feel like no time has passed at all after several hours or feel like its been an eternity after 5 minutes. no in-between. 5/10 ambiance. there is Nowhere to Sleep. maybe the stairs if youre cool with having to sleep against the railing, but also that Is a tripping hazard, and nobody likes a tripping hazard. has a similar problem to yesods floor, in that everything is Very straight-laced and proper, meaning there is like... nowhere comfortable to sit. other than like one desk and a table or two maybe. 3/10 comfort. VERDICT: 4/10. I'd say you rank better in my heart, but this is honestly about as expected. in conclusion: chesed's floor once again remaining the people's favorite. if you need me ill be tucked into a cubby at netzie's. come get me in like 3 hours or so, i will almost Certainly get stuck up there. ok 👍

#piktalk #projmoon #feel free 2 tag w ur own takes ilike reading them :] we r having a sleepover. dont tell angela.#itried my best t gather asmuch info as i could; but also if i missed anything: Oops(tm) 👍

28 notes · View notes

throwbacktears · 10 months

Note

The nhie poll you made was interesting because I have been most people over the age of 20 go towards Benvi while most people under 18 are more Daxton. I personally have been in a relationship (still am) so I would go towards the type of guy I can have common goals with and maybe because of my experience I always saw Paxton as the high school guy but never the long term gal. there’s a point in ur life where u care less about physical attributes and more about contributions long term.

thats so interesting because i have the exact opposite experience for both myself and from other people. my friends and i are over 20, have been in relationships, and we all rooted for daxton.

while i think having common goals is great to have in a partner, i dont think thats the only consideration for what will make a relationship work with someone better over another -- there also has to be respect, kindness, and trust there as bare minimums, which were qualities that devi got from her relationship with paxton (even if devi couldn't see that at the time), but not from ben, until MAYBE the finale, and even then im not sure if i would say really that, or say their getting together even felt earned from a writing perspective. i mean, ben and devi struggled to just properly communicate and become a real endgame until the very last episode of the show. to your point about long term contributions from a partner, i also think paxton and devi are different enough to contribute something to each other so they can each learn and grow as individuals (more on this later). for that reason, i actually saw ben as the high school guy but never the long term guy and paxton as vice versa, because having common goals isn't always enough long term if the foundation for a healthy romantic relationship isn't even there.

i also think its a big misconception i see, particularly on tumblr for some reason, where people assume that daxton shippers only ship them because of paxton/darren's looks, which isn't always the case - at least of me and my friends, it isn't, and i'd argue that's the case for a lot of daxton shippers on here too more often than benvi shippers might want to admit: devi and paxton push each other just enough in a way that enables them both to grow as people and thus better partners, whereas ben and devi bicker to the point where its more toxic than it is endearing, particularly ben's racially insensitive and body-shaming comments towards her that he's made throughout the whole show. paxton has always gone out of his way to show his support for her, even if that meant putting his reputation on the line, while ben always stayed on the sidelines -- too scared to stand up for devi -- until, again, the finale. and devi and paxton share more common ground just from the standpoint of both coming from Asian backgrounds, so they already have that understanding and acceptance of each other/each other's cultures in a way that's instantly recognized compared to someone not from the same ethnic background (see: paxton complimenting devi's sari in season 1, vs. ben pointing out devi's mustache in season 1). so i've always found ben and devi's romantic dynamic and the hints of it thereof very off-putting (but as friends, sure, they work).

in a similar line of thinking, i actually thought people in the 18-25+ ages would prefer daxton, since that age group might have more relationship experience just by virtue of growing up and meeting more people outside of high school, whereas those younger and who haven't experienced something like that might not yet see benvi's dynamic as something unhealthy/not worth rooting for yet. but because the leading age group demographics for both ships were split even in the poll, i guess we can all just agree to disagree.

#~~~typical disclaimer that this is all my opinion and coming out of my own experience~~~~#people have articulated and argued for why daxton works over benvi much better than i can explain here but i hope this all makes sense #it is perplexing to me why benvi appeals to so many on tumblr #like im genuinely curious why - other than them living the enemies to lovers trope and being obsessed with school what else is there?#i wonder if it is because so many people assume people like daxton because of paxton's looks too or maybe its something else?#nhie #never have i ever #ben gross #paxton hall yoshida #devi vishwakumar #darren barnet #maitreyi ramakrishnan #jaren lewison #asks #benvi #daxton #team ben #team paxton

65 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

adognamedsalvation

A Dog Named Salvation

ktaevtae

All Things

bloomandgloomtattoo

Bloom and Gloom Tattoo

charlesbaughman

CHARLES BAUGHMAN

simstina1

Simstina