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#if it ain't got that swing
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🖤Black Light Burns💜How To Look Naked🖤
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whysamwhy123 · 2 months
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HALLEJUAH!! I REMEMBERED HOW TO ACTUALLY FINISH WRITING SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE!!
Of course, it's not any of the fics I wanted to finish. I went back to what is essentially my bread-and-butter now and wrote a short-ish, random OrangeHook fluff. But considering how much writing's been a struggle as of late, I'm just glad that I successfully finished something. I was back in one of those stretches where I couldn't seem to write much of anything. And this fic isn't about their age difference or Hook being a cuddlebug, so...progress?
Unless I decide I completely hate it (which is always a possibility) expect something to drop on Valentine's Day, tis the season, after all.
#What is wrong with you Sam you should not be allowed to write#Small victories you know?#Will I ever get sick of OrangeHook?? Apparently not#Can't even remember the last time they interacted on screen but that ain't stopping my brain LOL#On a more serious note - I really do hope that I can get back into the swing of things and make some real progress#On the bigger fics I want to work on#I want to finish the messy angst OrangeHook fic at some point even if it's unlikely to appeal to anyone#Annnnnd deep down in my cold dead heart I still wanna make an honest attempt at that DG Dead Dove fic#Even though that would be even more unappealing + a huge undertaking because that bitch would be loooooooooong#Also I had a slightly less angsty OrangeHook idea recently about them having their first fight and I wanna write that too for some reason#And there's still a part of me that really wants to continue Business/Pleasure because I have soooo many ideas for that AU#But that would require me to get over my inability to write smut#And I don't know how to do that (would appreciate any advice on that if you've got some...)#But at the same time I don't wanna beat myself up for not being able to write much - if anything - most days#This is a hobby after all - it's supposed to be fun#There ain't no deadline and it's not like I'm letting anybody down#Just gotta do at my own place#And write whatever absolute trash I want to write 😈#My tags are always so obsessive like SHUT THE FUCK UP SAM#But if you've actually read all these - hey. Thanks. Love ya 😘
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sillyfudgemonkeys · 9 months
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heard there was discourse in the tag, so I'll just leave this here
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candont · 2 years
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Hi-Tek Soul Beyond the Beat
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djevilninja · 5 months
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I've got a voice, I love to sing. I sing like a girl, And I sing like a frog. I'm a lonely boy, I ain't got a home.
Clarence “Frogman” Henry - Ain't Got No Home
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spiderbitten · 8 months
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general tag drop.
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downwithpeople · 9 months
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did you guys know the acting Don of the gambino crime family was assassinated in 2017 and it was the first time a don got assassinated in decades but it wasn't a mob hit it was a qanon cultist who was trying to make a citizen's arrest on the guy like he'd tried to do on multiple politicians by now and he believed that trump would protect him which is why he turned up for his hearing with qanon sigils scribbled on his hands and at the moment the trial is suspended cause the dude's a fruit loop and he's probably gonna get killed if he goes inside because the mob ain't what they used to be but paying one dude to kill one guy should be something they can swing. anyway i learned this because i was trying to figure out who the gambinos are beefing with because my bf asserted that the opposite of Childish Gambino would be Adult Dracula
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yisanged · 10 months
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we finished swing kids today i liked it a lot it was cool but it made me sad sometimes. my friend was sort of crying by the end. spoilies for the movie but two nickels thing for watching a movie in school where a disabled character living in a society where disabled people are ostracized and discriminated against kills themself. shout out to gattaca in 8th grade science. why did it end like that. i liked the scene near the end where peter was in a post mental breakdown state where you're weirdly energetic but still kind of fucked up and was just dancing alone on the middle of the floor at the club. i understand peter. all of the dance scenes were fun though it was a fun movie although the horrors
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corvianbard · 1 year
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rafesaddiction · 6 months
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Hole Practice (or: Golf Lessons) – Rafe Cameron x Reader
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Summary: You want to learn how to golf better. Rafe teaches you a different kind of lesson. Rafe's pov
Warnings: mdni! – heavy smut, sorta toxic relationship, possessiveness, jealousy, spanking, rough sex, fingering, anal (first time), oral (rafe receiving), p in v, cream pie, degrading (reader is called whore by rafe), daddy kink, mean!rafe, bratty!reader, dom!rafe
Word count: 4.3k
“Hey, ain't that your girl, Rafe?”
“What?” Rafe put down the bottle of water he was drinking from and looked at Topper, then his gaze wandered to where Topper was pointing at.
“Over there. The one that is holding up everyone at hole 9.”
“Fucking hell,” Rafe grumbled under his breath when he spotted you. Several hundred yards away, there you stood with a golf club in hand, bending down to place the ball on the ground.
“She got a terrible swing but a real nice ass, real nice.” Kelce snickered and Rafe's head spun round, glaring at him.
Kelce defensively lifted his hands and slowly walked backwards. “Hey dude, chill. I'm just saying those shorts suit her nicely, just paying compliments. Respectfully.”
Rafe tossed the water bottle away, clenching his fists, stomping forward, every muscle in his body tensed up. He was frowning as he felt hot rage coursing through his veins. Rafe was about to beat the living shit out of one of his best friends when a sound made him stop and turn your way again. The wind had carried the sound of your laughter over to him. And Rafe watched you giggle and joke around with some guy, your caddie from the looks of it.
Rafe's hands balled into fists as he watched the two of you talk. That guy had put down the golf bag he was carrying for you and stepped closer. Stepped very close. Too close. He stood behind you, directly behind you, with your ass only covered by those ridiculously tiny shorts pressing against his crotch as his arms wrapped around you, his hands on yours, holding the golf club.
Rafe let out an angry scream that wasn't even a real curse and ran over to the golf cart, got in and started driving over the hilly course towards you.
“Yeah, man, take the fucking cart, so we have to walk!” Topper yelled behind Rafe, but Rafe didn't even bother to turn around. “Fucking unbelievable,” were the last words he heard from Topper, and Kelce's snickering in response. Rafe's hands gripped the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles showing white on his right hand, his other hand coverd by his golf glove.
He drove at full speed, which wasn't that fast with this damn golf cart, but at least faster than running. Racing over the greens, he didn't pay attention whether he was interrupting other people's games. His gaze was fixed on you and that fucking caddie that was practically dry humping you on the golf course.
The cart came to a halt close to you, Rafe jumped off, took a club from the bag at the back and stormed towards you and the caddie, raising the club, fuming with rage.
You and the caddie turned, looking at Rafe stunned and shocked. While you opened your mouth to say something to Rafe, the caddie muttered a curse, his eyes widened as he saw Rafe with the golf club swinging at him. The guy quickly pushed you out of the way, so you fell on the ground, landing on the grass, while he ran, ran as fast as he could with a yelling Rafe chasing him. And Rafe would've gotten him, would have beaten him to death, if it wasn't for your whining noises that made him stop and turn, lower his golf club and walk back to you.
Rafe was towering you, casting his long shadow over you, as you were sitting on the ground, rubbing your ass on which you obviously had fallen, looking up at your tall boyfriend with large eyes.
“I'm hurt,” you mouthed and sniffled.
Rafe grunted, reached down and picked you up. With so much vigor that you practically crashed against his chest. Bracing yourself, your hands touched Rafe's heaving chest, felt those tense muscles underneath the fabric of his expensive polo shirt. You looked up at him with big eyes. He clenched his jaws and his large hands gripped your hips as he held you close. He was still fuming with rage.
“What the hell were you doing?”
You lowered your head, then looked up, with just your eyes.
“I was just practicing holes.”
Rafe's eyebrows raised and he almost choked.
“You what?”
Your eyes went to his chest and your finger was idly drawing circles on Rafe's shirt. You shrugged and innocently explained, “I’m taking some practice lessons. I wanted to get better at golf, so that you would take me with you when you and the boys play.”
You stopped your drawings on Rafe's chest and looked up at him with pouty lips.
“Are you mad at me?”
Instead of answering, Rafe growled and frowned.
You smirked at him, you cocky little brat.
“What are you wearing anyway? Every bastard on this course is staring at your ass.”
“Don't you like my golf outfit, Rafey?” You knew he hated it when you called him that and you did it anyway. His jaws clenched.
You wore a collared blue shirt but instead of a matching skirt or proper golf shorts, you wore the tiniest shorts possible, tightly snugging your curves, barely covering your panties.
“This is no proper outfit for golfing. Those shorts scream ‘fuck me'.”
Rafe's right hand slapped hard on your exposed ass cheek, surely leaving his hand print.
You flinched and winced, then pouted, and struggled to free yourself from Rafe’s grip, but he was stronger and pulled you closer and slapped your ass again. His palm tingled, and from the look on your face, your cheek must be burning.
His fingers grabbed your chin to lift your face as he leaned down.
“I’m gonna teach you holes now,” he whispered, darkly, close to your lips.
Your cheeks flushed. He grinned devilishly. With all your bratty behavior and cockiness, Rafe was still able to make you blush. His mouth claimed yours in a hungry kiss, tongue pushing in, he took what was his, as he held your body close.
When he let go, your cheeks were still flushed, your lips swollen and you were slightly out of breath.
“Since you have chased my caddie away, you will have to carry my golf bag,” you announced and turned to look for your ball.
Rafe grumbled but shouldered the damn golf bag and followed you.
“Where's that damn thing anyway?” He asked when he had caught up with you.
“There,” you pointed at the gorse.
Rafe exhaled. “We're not getting it out of there. Just take a new one.”
“No, that would be cheating, I'm gonna get it.”
“Y/n, fucking don't!”
But you ignored his words and stomped onwards, right into the gorse – and with every step you took, your ass was bouncing invitingly.
“Fuck's sake,” Rafe grumbled and followed you.
He found you bent over, legs straight, head down, ass up, hands touching the high grass, looking for your ball.
Rafe's own balls tightened at the sight. That perky ass, those tiny shorts hardly covering anything, that red mark on your bare skin – he had been correct, his hand print was showing.
His growl made you turn your head at him, but not lift your upper body.
“I think I've found it, but it's stuck.”
Rafe grumbled, walked closer. Walking with his dick getting harder was damn uncomfortable.
“Fuck's sake,” he repeated.
“What?” You asked innocently, wriggling your fine ass.
“Enough,” Rafe barked and you flinched at his harsh tone.
Before you could get up, he grabbed you, threw you over his shoulder. You squealed and his hand smacked your ass several times, making you mewl. Rafe carried you out of the gorse, over the greens to the golf cart.
“Ouch,” you mouthed and pulled a face as you were seated on your ass, sore from his spanking.
He got in the cart, sat behind the steering wheel and shot you a sideways glance. His eyes narrowed.
“Stop complaining, that was nothing yet.”
“Where are we going?” You sniffled.
“To the club,” he stated tersely. He knew he wouldn't make it back home to Tanny Hill, with his dick already achingly hard. A room at the club would do, and he knew there would always be one available – the perks of being a premium member.
“But what about my lessons?” You looked at Rafe, sulking.
“Oh, your lessons ain't over yet.”
He could see you nibbling at your bottom lip, something you did when you were nervous or excited or both.
While he was driving across the course, he tried to look where he was going, but you kept on wriggling in your seat, which was fucking irritating.
“Stop that!” He faced you briefly and lifted his hand, a warning gesture.
“Sorry, daddy,” you said sweetly, leaned forward, and your mouth covered Rafe's finger. Sucking on it, you looked at him with large eyes, your lips closed tightly around the digit, your tongue swirling around it.
“Jesusfuckingchrist!” Rafe almost ran over some gaffer – not that he would've cared.
Rafe tried to get back on track while his cock was pulsing. You took his hand, guided it between your legs, rubbing over your thighs as you spread them. His hand touched the fabric of those damn shorts, and Rafe could feel that you were already soaking wet, those layers of clothing couldn't even hide that.
You began moaning as you were rubbing his hand against your core.
He pulled it away, raised it, finger pointing, and glared at you angrily.
“Don't!”
You pouted, crossed your arms in front of your chest and looked away. But Rafe grabbed your jaw forcefully, turning your face to look at him, pressing harder than necessary, which made you wince and gaze at him.
“You don't touch yourself unless I allow you. You know the rules.”
He kept his eyes on you while still driving.
“You hear me?” His voice loud and intimidating.
You cast your eyes down and mumbled, “Yes, daddy.”
His cock twitched in his pants, which were getting too damn tight by now.
When he let go, you added, hardly audible, “But I didn't touch myself, it was your hand…”
You probably thought that he didn't hear that as he didn't react to it right away, but he did hear it, and it drove him fucking insane. And you would experience soon enough how mad he was because of you.
Rafe parked the golf cart close to entrance of the main building, got out, grabbed your arm, so hard he would leave bruises, and dragged you along with him. You could hardly keep up, he was walking so quickly, and with his tall legs, he was able to make longer strides.
At the reception no one questioned why Rafe was holding you in such a tight grip while you were obviously struggling to escape. He asked for the key card to a room and he got it and on top of that, the receptionist wished him a pleasant day. Rafe growled in response.
He shoved you towards the elevator and got inside with you. It cost him a lot not to ravish you the moment the doors closed. The grip around your arm was iron. When the doors opened, he pushed you out, along the corridor to the room. After opening it with the key card, he forcefully pushed you inside. You stumbled and almost fell, but caught yourself on the edge of the king-size bed.
Right after he had let go off you, he started to undress himself, pulled his shirt over his head and kicked off his shoes.
“Take off those goddamn shorts and get on the bed. Now.” His commanding voice left you no choice but to obey. You looked at him, eyes wandering over his naked body as you undressed yourself, taking the shorts together with the panties off last. He frowned at you, but your eyes were on his rock hard cock that he was stroking, while glaring at you.
You climbed onto the bed. Impatiently, he walked over and grabbed you, moved you around as he wanted to have you, flipping you over, then pulling your body up, so you were on all fours now, while he kneeled behind your spread legs.
Rafe leaned over your body, his chest touching your back, his hand grabbed your throat, forcing your head up, a restrained sound coming from your opened mouth.
“You gonna be a good whore, right?” He cooed into your ear.
With his free hand, he guided his hard length between your legs, rubbing it along your dripping wet slit, covering it nicely in your juices. You mewled and started wriggling.
“Please,” you moaned, already so needy.
He turned your face to shut those desperate moans with his greedy kiss, while his cock was replaced by his fingers, which where rubbing along your slit, parting your folds, but never quite entering and never touching your clit. You were so incredibly wet, his fingers were practically dripping as he pulled them away and sat up behind you, letting go off your throat, leaving you with a confused look on your face.
“I still need to teach you a lesson.”
You opened your mouth, trying to say something, but Rafe continued, a sardonic grin on his face.
“The lesson is: If you wear such tiny shorts, hardly covering your ass, but showing it off, inviting everyone to fuck it, you get fucked up the ass, like the whore you are.”
“But –” you started to complain, but a slap of his hand on your ass made you cry out instead.
Despite it being such a fine piece of flesh, Rafe had never fucked your ass before, only put a finger or two inside your tight hole once or twice. You didn't have proper training yet, but you needed to learn that your teasing had consequences.
He spat on his already wet fingers and stroked between your ass cheeks. You whined, but he knew that it was a sound you made when you were impatient. You wouldn't have to wait long – though it wasn't what you actually waited for, he knew that. Rafe gripped you by the hip, as his fingers pushed against your back entrance. Your muscle was tense and instead of opening up for him, it closed. Rafe growled and he felt your body shudder. His grip got firmer, preventing you from retreating as his index finger pushed inside, stretching your tight ring.
“It hurts, daddy,” you whined and craned your neck to look back at Rafe.
He slowly moved his finger back and forth inside you. Your breathing hitched as he curled that finger in your tight hole. Your muscle was clenching so hard around his digit, it almost made it impossible to move it.
He let go off your hip to hit your ass cheek.
“Relax! Or it'll just hurt more.”
Your answer was a whining sound and you let your head hang between your shoulders.
Rafe pushed your legs further apart to get better access, pressed on your lower back and you obeyed by arching your back nicely. He grinned at the sight. You were completely exposed to him and at his mercy.
He pulled his finger out, only to push back in two fingers, thrusting deep and hard.
You let out a scream and started begging.
“Daddy, daddy, please,” you whined.
His fingers fucking your ass, he let his hard cock teasingly brush along your pussy, never applying too much pressure, just enough to tease you. When he pulled back, his cock was covered in your wetness.
“So wet for me. Such a needy whore you are.”
His fingers left your hole, the tight muscle pulsing invitingly. He rubbed some more spit on it and felt you shiver under his touch.
He took his cock in his hand, guiding it, stroking your round ass cheeks with it, before pressing the wet tip against your throbbing little hole.
“You gonna take it like the good whore you are, hm? Your my little whore, right?”
You mewled and panted.
He waited.
“Daddy, daddy,” you whined.
Then he heard you inhale and exhale deeply, pushing your ass up, that little hole twitched and opened up, inviting him in, and he pushed in.
You cried out as his cock's thick head stretched your tender muscle. He needed both his hands now to grip your hip, fingers digging into your flesh, holding you in place, as he greedily watched his thick cock slowly pushing into your fine ass.
Your screaming turned into an irregular whimpering as the thick head was practically sucked into your ass.
“So, good,” Rafe praised you, his own breathing heavy. “You're doing so good, baby, taking me so good. Such a good whore.”
His thumb caressed your hip, he felt you relax just the tiniest bit. He tensed up, tightened his grip again and thrust his hip forward, making your body almost jump forward by the force, if he hadn't held you that firmly.
He growled as your walls clenched around his cock, but he pushed deeper. Pulling back, he gasped as your sensitive muscle was clamping so hard around his thick cock.
“So good, baby,” he said under heavy breathing.
He pushed in, watching with greedy fascination how his too big cock vanished inch by inch into your perfect ass, stretching your too tight hole mercilessly.
“Daddy! I can't!” You cried out, sobbing now.
“You can and you will.”
He began moving in a steady rhythm, fucking your tight ass good and hard. He didn't push too hard though, knowing well what you could take. You were sobbing and crying and whining, but he didn't stop, he knew your body better than you did, and he knew that you could do this. Your little protests, your screams and moans and whimpers made him only go harder.
He couldn't get it all in though, you were too tight and not trained, and he was too big. Part of him got angry about that, but you felt so damn good, he could use you so damn well that it seemed enough.
Then he saw your hand move between your legs, you were desperately trying to touch yourself. But Rafe didn't let you.
He angrily growled, slapped your ass hard, making you flinch. Then he grabbed your hand by the wrist, twisting your arm behind your back and holding it there.
You cried out in pain.
“I told you not to do that!” He growled between clenched teeth. You were driving him mad, so fucking mad.
Your body shook and trembled under his hard thrusts as he took what was his, took you without mercy. Pounding you harder, his growing anger made him lose all restraint.
You were so tight, the friction was so intense, the sounds you made were so hot, Rafe felt his climax approaching and he didn't hold back. He felt his every muscle tense up, then let go, gasping for air, as he reached his orgasm, shooting his cum into you. His whole body electrified and in that post orgasmic bliss, he pushed again into your well-used hole, once, twice, driving his load deeper into you, before pulling out. When he let go off you, you just face down collapsed onto the bed, breathing hard, a fucking mess. He grinned at the sight of you.
“My whore,” he whispered into your ear, leaning down, kissing your damp hair, before he got up. His own breathing slowing down eventually.
Watching you lie there, and wriggle and pant, he knew you hadn't reached your climax yet.
“Don't you dare move”, his voice a dark command.
He waited for a moment. And this time it seemed you were actually listening, probably fearing the consequences. Had you learned your lesson after all? He doubted that, you were such a brat and would always be. Since you didn't move, just lay there panting, Rafe went into the adjoining bathroom to clean himself.
When he came back, you were lying in the same position on the bed, on your stomach, arms away from your body, legs apart, your body raising and falling from your exhausted breathing, cum dripping out of your hole between your reddened cheeks. Rafe grinned at the sight of the mess he had turned you into.
He sat down on the bed, still naked, back resting against the headboard, his legs on the bed, he was sitting next to you, not touching you, but you could definitely feel the bed tilt from his weight, feel his proximity, as he felt the heat radiating from your body.
You lifted your head, turned your face to gaze at him with teary eyes.
“You're such a mess,” he grinned at you, his hand caressing your face.
“Did you cum?” He asked, but already knew the answer.
You shook your head.
“You wanna cum?”
You nodded eagerly.
“Then you know what to do,” he simply said.
You got up on your knees next to him, sat down on your heels, flinching as they poked into your sore ass cheeks.
“Please daddy can I cum?” You looked at him with pleading eyes.
“And how do you wanna cum?” It wasn't a real question, more of a test.
Still, you seemed to contemplate the answer, biting your bottom lip. Your gaze turned to his cock, though not hard, still impressive. Then your eyes moved to his hands. Those hands that knew how to hold you, to touch you. Then your look was on his face. Yours was a beautiful mess. Your lips swollen, your cheeks flushed, your eyes teary and bloodshot, tears and sweat had ruined your makeup and smeared mascara all over your face. God, you were so beautiful.
“With your cock inside me.”
The way you said those words, with such sincerity and almost solemn honesty, it made his cock twitch in response.
But words weren't enough.
“Then work for it.”
In an inviting, almost generous gesture, he pointed at his crotch.
You very willingly accepted the invitation, moved closer, bent over, and Rafe hissed as your greedy little mouth took in his thick cock, sucking hard at it, tongue swirling along the tip. One hand clasping the thick shaft, you steadied yourself with the other hand on his thigh. You gazed sideways up at him, when you began bobbing your head.
Rafe's breathing quickened, as he felt his cock growing in your mouth. His hands clutched the expensive bedsheets, stopping himself from forcing your head down further. You were already gagging on his length, not nearly half of it in your mouth.
Your efforts did some good, but he wasn't ready yet.
He grabbed you by the hair to pull you up, made you whimper, spit dripping from your swollen lips, as you were gazing at him.
“Ride it.”
His command made you freeze and visibly shudder, but you hurried to follow his order. As he let go off your hair, you straddled him, mewling when his thick length pressed against your sensitive core, too long neglected, it seemed.
He gripped your jaws hard, made you focus on him. His piercing eyes glaring at you.
“Don't you dare cum before I’m inside of you. Understood?”
You tried to nod, which was hard with his tight grip at your jaws, but your pleading eyes told him, you had understood him.
“Good.” He leaned forward to kiss you hard, before letting go and leaning back in the pillows.
Your hands ran over his muscular torso. You bit your lips, looking at his hard abs, as you began rocking your hips against him, your tits bouncing nicely. He grabbed them, kneaded them with both his hands, felt how you flinched and tensed up, as you felt his greedy hunger. His cock pulsing under you.
You closed your eyes, as if you would focus on the slick sounds your pussy made when slapping against his hard dick.
“Turn around.” Rafe's voice made your eyes flutter open. “Let me see that ass that you want the whole golf club to fuck. Let me see that ass that only belongs to me.”
Rafe added an encouraging slap on your ass to stress his command. He even helped you to turn, sit down, astride with your back to him, while you did nothing more than make those small needy sounds that drove him insane with lust.
His hand pushed on your upper back, making you bent down a bit, holding onto his legs.
He had the perfect view of your ass and pussy. His cum dripping from your ass mixing with your own wetness dripping from your pussy.
Two fingers dipped into your cunt, making you squirm and mewl and beg.
“Daddy…”
You clenched around his digits and he slapped your ass.
Pulling out his fingers, he lifted you up, pushed you into position, guiding his now rock hard cock to your pussy and pushed in. Rafe grabbed your hair to get you into an upright position again. His hands on your hips, guiding your movements as his hips rocked hard against yours, pushing his whole length into you as you sank down onto him.
“Rafe, Daddy, fuck,” you stammered, your whole body shuddered and you were completely undone, cumming all over his cock just from his first thrust into you.
And he fucked you through your high, not stopping when you were all spent. Using you over and over again.
You were such a good whore for him. And all your holes were his.
a/n: writing this was a lot of fun. i don't know shit about golf. thanks for reading. i hope you enjoyed it. reblogs and comments are very much appreciated, and likes too! i've only been doing this for 2 weeks now and i'm kinda overwhelmed that my first x reader smut fic got over 1k notes! thank you all so much! i got ideas for many more fics. let me know what you'd like to read! p.s. happy kinktober!
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cloakedsparrow · 1 month
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Clark calls the Batcave.
Jason: Hello?
Clark: Robin? It's Superman.
Jason: Yeah, you were ID'd before I even answered. What's up?
Clark: Uh, I stopped at a store after flying back into town and bumped into someone from work. We walked out together, so I had to pretend my car was stolen, but it's still at my apartment building. I wanted to know if Batman had any ideas for a cover.
Jason: Oh, no worries. I got you.
Clark: What do you mean?
Jason: I'll take care of it.
Clark: Oh...kay. Thank you, Robin.
Jason: No sweat!
Later, Clark discovers his car truly is missing. It's found with the tires, stereo, and catalytic converter removed, the wiring stripped, and the hood ornament knocked off. The police tell him that, sadly, this sort of thing has been happening more and more, even in their fine city.
Clark calls again.
Jason: Hey! Did everything work out with your car story?
Clark: Yes, thank you, Jason.
Jason: Great! Swing by later and I'll give you your cut.
Clark: You mean the missing parts of my car?
Jason: What? No. That shit's serial numbered. The cops would think you were pulling an insurance scam or somethin' if you put it back and anyone noticed. I sold the parts to a chop shop here.
Clark: You sold-?
Jason: Don't worry, my guy ain't a snitch. Your secret's safe!
Clark: ...Thanks.
Jason: No problem. I had to tell him you needed the car disappeared 'cause you were cheating on your old lady so he wouldn't think it was tied to something too bad, though.
Clark: I'll keep that in mind.
Jason: Oh, hey, B's here. You wanna talk to him?
Clark: Yes, please.
Jason: Cool. Talk to you later!
Clark: Bye, Jason.
Bruce: Clark.
Clark: I take it you know what happened?
Bruce: Yes. You learned a valuable lesson, didn't you?
Clark: Next time, I will definitely ask how he intends to take care of it.
Bruce: Good. I don't want my son arrested because he was doing you a favor.
Clark: I had no idea he was going to strip my car and sell the parts to a chop shop!
Bruce: You know how I found him. You knew the risks.
Clark: ...
Bruce: And you're letting him keep your cut.
Clark: Of course.
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081314 · 11 days
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Twisted Wonderland - 2024 Player Birthday Login Greetings
The player birthday login greetings have just updated today on the JP server for the fourth anniversary, and I've translated them below.
These are sorted in order of dorm, and then alphabetically by character name.
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Heartslabyul
Ace Trappola
❤️: 'Sup, Yuu! Happy bday. 'Kay, time for the party. I'm gonna swing by this one restaurant in town and pick us up some grub, so you wait here and- Hey, hey, I'm not trying to trick you! I do know how to celebrate birthdays, thank you very much.
Cater Diamond
♦️: Happy bday, Yuu-chan ☆ Didja post anything bday related yet on Magicam today? No? No problem, just leave it to me! I'm basically a Magicam pro at this point. I'll take the perfect pic, come up with the perfect hash tag… Just think of it as, like, the Caycay bday special~
Deuce Spade
♠️: Happy birthday, Yuu! I'm going to go buy your present now, so- …Huh? You're saying since I fixed up that light for you in Ramshackle the other day, I don't need to get you anything? Come on, don't say that. You're my friend, so let me do this for you. It'd make me a lot more happier than if I didn't get you anything, to be honest.
Riddle Rosehearts
🌹: Happy birthday, Yuu. Thank you so much for always looking after my students. Truth is, we'll be holding a salon at Heartslabyul this weekend, and as part of my well wishes to you, I'm going to have you join us. Ah, my apologies. I can see you're quite nervous, but you needn't worry - I'll be right there with you, and will instruct you in etiquette every step of the way.
Trey Clover
🍀: Happy birthday. Now about your gift… I did get you something, but it's, erm… When I was talking with the other students about your gift, one person would say to get you this, and then another'd say, no, get that, and after a lot of hemming and hawing I chose… this t-shirt. I don't even know anymore why I picked out this design, honestly… Ugh, if you could just go ahead and start laughing now, I'd appreciate it.
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Savanaclaw
Jack Howl
🐺: Today's your birthday, right? You make any new goals for the year? What, you're gonna smoke me in class? Ha! That's the best joke I've heard in a while. But alright, I'll take you on. If you get a better grade than me on our next exam, I'll buy you something.
Leona Kingscholar
🦁: Yeah, yeah, happy birthday. …Why are you settin' up that chessboard? What, you've been takin' lessons just to beat me? An' lemme guess, now you're challengin' me to a match. You got guts - for a herbivore, at least. So whaddya gonna wager, then? Just "playin' to see who wins" ain't gonna cut it.
Ruggie Bucchi
🍩: Happy birthday! Yer dear ol' Ruggie Senpai whipped up just the perfect thing for ya. Ta-da! Yer very own fishin' pole! Handmade by yours truly. …Ooh, I know that look. I bet yer thinking', "ain't that just a piece a crap?" I'm tellin' ya, fish'll be linin' up to throw themselves at this bad boy soon as it hits the water! Listen, I know how much starvin' sucks, an' I can tell you know that, too. Next time yer stomach starts howlin' at ya, now you can just catch yerself somethin' to eat!
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Octavinelle
Azul Ashengrotto
🐙: I wish you a very happy birthday. Have you already decided what you'd like for a gift? I'd be glad to arrange-… My, what excellent taste! That would be quite the challenge for the average collector to acquire… but not for me, of course! I guarantee you'll have it in your hands before you even realize it.
Floyd Leech
🦈: Heya, Little Shrimpy. Today's your birthday, right? Here, I got something for ya. Let's see, we got some gummies that taste kinda funny, and some cookies…. they're hard as rocks, though. Oh, and some mushy jerky, too. Super cool, huh? Oh yeah, and all this stuff expires today, by the way. You better not let any of it go to waste, since it's a gift an' all. Kay?
Jade Leech
🐬: My warmest wishes to you on your birthday. May this be another fruitful year for you. By the way, Yuu-san, have you already had lunch today? You haven't? Excellent, for I was hoping to prepare something for you. Worry not, I can assure you I have only the utmost best of intentions in mind. Heh heh.
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Scarabia
Jamil Viper
🐍: Yuu, happy birthday. I know it's not much, but I got you this. Ramshackle's been around for so long I can't even begin to imagine how many insects have made it their home over the years. But if you use that product, you can wipe them all out in a blink of an eye. I can personally vouch for how well it works, so do go ahead and give it try. Sooner rather than later, please.
Kalim Al Asim
☀️: Yuu, happy birthday! Here's your gift… Ah ha ha! Were you surprised? I made you that pop-up card. There's these flowers we give to people on their birthdays back home in Scalding Sands, so I tried making a bunch of them with paper. Turned out pretty good, right? Nice and flashy.
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Pomefiore
Epel Felmier
🍎: Happy birthday! I thought long and hard about what to get you, and ended up going with a pair of fingerless gloves! The design on em's just great, don't you think? I thought they'd be a good choice since you can still use your phone and stuff without them getting in the way. They already look super cool, and once you break them in, then they'll really start to shine. Wear them as much as you can, okay?
Rook Hunt
🏹: I've been waiting for you, Trickster, so that I might give you my birthday well wishes. A wonderful day calls for making wonderful memories, and to that end, I've constructed the perfect itinerary for us. We'll start off with two theater performances, followed by a live poetry recital, and then we'll wrap things up with a movie this evening. There shan't be a dull moment today. Now come! The theater awaits!
Vil Schoenheit
👑: Happy birthday, Yuu. …Hm? You'd like me to come to your party? And you you even went and made sure there'll be healthy food options available for me? …Hah, that's quite thoughtful of you. Very well, then. I'll stop by. Just don't forget - you should consider it an honor to receive my well wishes.
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Ignihyde
Idia Shroud
💀: Okay, time to pretend we're all chummy with each other and spout the usual "HaPpY BiRtHdAy" garbage… Eep! D-did you hear all that? U-Umm… Happy birthday... Sorry, but I didn't get you anything. I didn't even know it was your bday, so… What, you're happy just 'cause I wished you happy birthday? Are you serious? *sigh* Okay, I'll order something online later and have it sent to Ramshackle. It's just gonna be something small, tho.
Ortho Shroud
🤖: Happy birthday! Here's your gift. Go ahead, open it! Heh heh, did you notice what's on it? I used my lasers to engrave "Happy Birthday!" and some other well wishes on that glass tumbler. It was difficult controlling the output when doing the finer details, but I think it came out pretty nice. I hope you like it!
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Diasomnia
Lilia Vanrouge
🦇: Ah, that's right. Today's your birthday, isn't it? Goodness, kids really do grow up so fast… Kufufu. Oh, don't be so sour. I was just doing my grandpa bit, the boys at the dorm never indulge me. Now then, here's your present: a CD I made just for you! It's jam-packed with my most heartfelt screamo performances, and I hope you enjoy every second of it.
Malleus Draconia
🐲: It's your birthday today, isn't it, Child of Man? …? What's the matter? Your face looks awfully stern… Ah, now I understand. You're having trouble carrying around all those presents. Here, allow me to send them to Ramshackle for you using my magic. You needn't worry, it's but a trivial spell for me. Now then, I hope you enjoy today to the fullest.
Sebek Zigvolt
⚡: Today is your birthday, if I do recall… What? You wish for me to attend your party? What a boorish joke. I've no time to take part in such a… What? THE YOUNG LORD SHALL BE ATTENDING!? YOU SHOULD'VE MENTIONED THAT TO BEGIN WITH! Good grief… You truly are an unpleasant little human, you know that? Now then, tell me at once where the party shall be held, and at what time!
Silver
⚔️: Happy birthday. Hm? You want to know what this cord is? It's actually your present. I heard about this from Lilia Senpai, but… apparently, they say that if you wrap some string around your wrist or ankle, and it breaks over time, then your wish will come true. I wove this for you, so that your wish can come true some day. I know it's pretty crude looking, but please go ahead and take it, if you'd like.
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Ramshackle
😺: Today's your birthday? Happy birthday! …Huh? Where's your present? Oh, come oooon. You're my number one henchman! Ain't that a present enough? Okay, fine. Your lap's always super hard when I sit on it, so I'll give ya a good ol' fashioned paw pad massage!
(Crowley and Rollo's messages remain unchanged)
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emmyrosee · 2 months
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bf!sukuna who's a big softy will get mad at you for not eating dinner but cook for you anyway.
"You ain't ate yet?!"
"Tch. Whatever. I guess i'll make you something."
Whenever you fall asleep from working too long/being online too long he'll always tuck you into bed and give you a kiss on the forehead.
He has all your favorite snacks memorized and has them stocked up for you.
When he thinks you're asleep he will tell you stories about him from his past and you will admit sometimes you could NEVER see him doing those things.
"Yuji and I lived at the beach for like, 2 years I think. I used to surf. I was REALLY good at it, maybe I'll show you one day."
HERE ARE SOME IDEAS LOVE YOU EMMY 💖
IM GONNA COMBUST HES MY BOYFRIEND FR-
He gets so mad when you don’t eat, even if it’s only been for a few hours bc you’re not taking care of yourself dummy, and now he’s tasked with the laborious task of feeding you and taking care of you (his words, not mine)
He also can’t stand when you overwork yourself, or fall asleep at your desk because when your back screams at you later, he’s the one that’s going to have to massage it. But he’ll deny the way his heart skips when he scoops you in his arms and carries you to bed, and your cheek nuzzles into the warmth of his torso until you’re laid down on his side of the bed so you can keep his familiar smell in your mind :( all before he goes back to turn off your lights and save your work for you bc what of it got deleted huh? He’s gonna have to hear about that too? Tf?
He, and I cannot stress this enough, knows ALL of your favorite snacks, because for a good chunk of them, they’re his favorite too, and he has to chose between being a good boyfriend and saving the last few bites for you… or, eating them himself and kissing the pout from your lips while you whine and cross your arms petulantly. He’s always sure to be especially affectionate after he eats them, bc he knows he’ll find his shit left in the backyard for him to sleep on the porch swing.
AND HE LOVES TO TALK TO YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP 🥺 bc 9 times out of 10, you are in fact dead asleep, left with your lips smooshed against his chest and arm draped over him, and he can tell you anything. Deep secrets, deep desires, how he used to love yuuji as a kid, the whole nine.
But that 1 out of 10, you blink awake and give him a smile, and he nearly screams in fear of you coming to life, and you giggle softly. “You can surf, but you don’t know how to ride a scooter?”
“SHUT UP-“
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theliterateape · 1 year
Text
[From the Archives] Required Watching: Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter, Jr. (1999)
By Keith Gatchel
Time for another installment of Required Watching where we knock you out of your comfortable routine of TV and movies to show you a documentary that's weird for the sole purpose of making you a better person. Knowledge is power.
The Movie Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter Jr.
What Happens:
Fred Leuchter, Jr. grew up in the family business, which in this case involved the Massachusetts prison system. Being a man who clearly shows up to work at 8 a.m. ready to answer a phone with Steve Buscemi levels of professionalism, he filled a niche market by creating an electric chair that became the iPhone of conductive furniture death.
This led to jobs as a consultant on other matters of execution including everything from lethal injection, to hangings, to gas chambers (OK, only those three), which by his own admission don't have anything to do with each other. This expert knowledge made him a perfect expert witness for the defense of Ernst Zundel, who was being tried as a Holocaust denier in Canada. This is where, like so many Errol Morris movies, our characters went to a foreign country to commit a crime. In this case, to get evidence that it never happened. 
Accurate vs Artistic:
There’s plenty that’s staged by the subjects, especially with Leuchter, which I’m generally against. But, we’ll allow it because they’re clearly just reenacting their processes for visual flair. Mr Leuchter even seems to relish the shots they put him in, be it chiseling samples out of Auschwitz's walls, pulling the switch on an execution, standing in front of a Faraday cage, or inspecting equipment (although it becomes apparent that he’s essentially doing this movie because he’s out of money).
It should also be noted that Morris added in all the counter-evidence to Leuchter’s findings because initial screenings made him either look like he supported Leuchter or caused people to consider his case. This is understandable, as Morris has shown in movies like this and Gates Of Heaven that he wants to present characters as they show themselves with as little narrative guidance or interference as possible (relatively speaking).
Morris assumed we already knew Leuchter is a horrible person.  In this case, fortunately, as steadfast as we all are in our acceptance of the Holocaust as the fact that it is, the experts later interviewed do give the documentary moments of relief when Leuchter feels like he’s starting to make too much sense.
Drinking Game:
Whenever Morris cuts to video of Leuchter operating execution equipment like a mad scientist, or any of his reenactments, just fit in as many shots as you can, since you’re going to want to anyway.
Why You Should Watch It:
If you’ve been reading this column regularly (thanks, Mom!) you’ve probably noticed a running theme in the documentaries I’ve chosen: always stay skeptical. Specifically, it’s because these are about smart people doing stupid shit. Since that sounds like an endorsement of good ol’ down-home wisdom and plainspoken truisms, I feel the need to bring up The Dunning-Kruger Effect. If you don’t know what that is, here’s a Ted-Ed video explaining it.
If that’s too much, here’s an opera. But, it’s defined as “the phenomenon by which an incompetent person is too incompetent to understand his own incompetence” (and some of you just read that sentence and thought, “Doesn’t look like anything to me”). What our good friend Errol Morris does with “Mr. Death” is show us a person who succumbs to that almost pathologically. He’s not stupid by any sense of the word, and everything he says and claims come from places of genuine compassion, however you feel about him on a moral scale. But, his trap in the Dunning-Kruger Effect (or, getting Dun-Ked, as the kids call it) is what many smart people fall into once experiencing initial success.
Mr. Leuchter created a revolutionary device, however you want to look at it. But, the sales gave him the acceptance. This is where you either get Dun-Ked or not, whether you choose to believe your own hype. Smart people fall into this even moreso because they can fill in and over-justify any thought or opinion with what they think they know, and if you’ve never seen it, ask the angriest Trekkies you know how time travel works, or a gun-owner about the law. You either keep operating like you’re hot shit, or you stop to remember there’s more to learn. You become the villain in every story that stopped their training and goes to the dark side.
In this case, like so many socially awkward people who think they’ve learned enough, Leuchter went with the Nazis. Who else can you think of that would ever do such a thing (which, yes, we know who you’re thinking of, if not probably them). This is how folks like Jordan Peterson, Ann Coulter, and Fox News operate, and why Bill Maher, David Mamet, Frank Miller, and Gallagher all suck now. This is how you get conspiracy theories, and how they spread. Zundel says it best in the movie when he quotes Leuchter, saying, “It wasn’t what I found, it was what I didn’t find,” and following it with, “It never occurred to me that a man could be convinced by something that is not there.” It’s an opinion that should never apply to anyone.
What To Watch After:
Let’s all take eight minutes and watch master skeptic George Carlin rattle off even more ideas for the death penalty from his 1996 special Back In Town.
Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter, Jr” can be found on YouTube.
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