#if somebody draws this i will simply pass away

[sagau-my-beloved]

What would happen if the creator got jealous instead of Venti?

A Display of Unpleasant Feelings

Warnings: hurt/comfort, mostly comfort, jealousy, self doubt

-

It really was absolutely no secret that Venti was an incredibly beautiful and talented person. So it was never particularly surprising, the amount of attention he would attract.

Still, there was something about it that rubbed you the wrong way, how it felt like you couldn't go out in public for longer than five minutes without somebody giving him a compliment that only thinly veiled the underlying desire.

You just felt so invisible next to him, ever admired him, with his ability to simply draw a spotlight to himself unintentionally.

It didn't bother you at first, or you didn't let it bother you.

This was all to be expected, you should have just felt lucky that he hadn't been found out for what he actually was yet. But every timid smile pointed in his direction by a passing admirer, every person who couldn't seem to keep their eyes off of him when in a conversation with the both of you, every server and waiter and store clerk who seemed to not acknowledge your existence at all when he was next to you...

Your resolve was slowly being chipped away at, which led to a plethora of negative feelings...

It wasn't his fault, but that knowledge did little to subside the more aggressive feelings of jealousy and selfishness and almost hostility at how perfect he was, how easily he could be liked.

Venti was yours, by his own choice no less. None of the people whose eyes lingered, whose smiles faltered slightly at how he so proudly declared you two to be together, had any claim to him.

It was a nice thought, and Venti made sure to reassure it at every given possibility.

"Oh course I would prefer to be here with you my love." He gave you a lopsided smile, not faltering slightly in his denial of the want to go out to one of the many so called 'get togethers' he had recently been invited to after his most recent performance.

Really, the performances were the worst.

The times in which all eyes were on him, admiring him as he played something soft and sweet, something brimming with his love for you that the audience members were more than happy to direct at themselves instead.

You had to explain to him, with a slight feeling of tightness in your chest, that the many slips of paper with strings of digits he received after were actually phone numbers.

That feeling did ease a bit when he chose to throw them out without so much as a second glance, stating that yours was the only one he would ever need.

Though after months of this, this constant feeling of inadequacy, you did finally break.

Secluding yourself in your room, when the place you lived was already rather small, was nothing short of a bit difficult. Luckily Venti happened to be at a performance at the time, although that was what led to this in the first place.

It was the amount of flirting that finally did it, how it seemed as soon as he got out of a conversation with one, there were five others lined up.

The biggest issue you had was how he never seemed to actually blatantly push them away, how he would play into the charade, if only slightly, in order to obtain a few measly drinks.

It got to be too much, watching yet another woman shamelessly resting her hand on his arm in something akin to a 'friendly' gesture with a not so friendly, or secret, intent.

These mental gymnastics were exhausting, you chose to simply walk right out of the bar in favor of going directly home and trying to stop yourself from thinking about what he might be doing without you there.

Venti notice rather quickly, he always searched specifically for you during his performances, adoring how you would catch each other's eyes as if he was playing only for you. How you would give him a small encouraging smile, causing his heart to flutter as he had to focus on not messing up the next verse.

He couldn't find you, his eyes scanning the room multiple times over, a small frown settling across his usually optimistic features. Where exactly had you gone?

It didn't feel right to sing songs like this without you there to listen to them, they were for you of course.

When you still hadn't returned after the end of his next song, Venti decided to cut the set short, with the obvious disappointment of the audience.

He searched the bar high and the low, intentionally avoiding any unpleasant small talk he would have usually indulged in for the sake of getting a drink.

When he turned up with nothing once again, his nerves started to take hold.

Where exactly were you?

Venti practically ran home, surely he would find you there, right? He really didn't want to think of the implications of if he didn't.

You heard the door open, faced down in a pillow, making a mental note that he seemed to be home earlier.

It's not as if you were crying. Having to deal with this feeling for so long, you were past the point of crying, settling in to something more akin to an unpleasant numbness.

You hadn't locked your door either, that would have made this all that more suspicious. It's not as if you wanted to explain yourself to him, have him knowing exactly how insecure you were.

Your bedroom door creaked open softly, you continued to lay still, wondering if you could get away with pretending to be asleep.

That thought was rather short lived as Venti chose to climb into the bed next to you, putting his arms around you as if he could merely tell whether or not you were awake based on intuition alone.

"Where were you? I missed you." His voice held nothing akin to hurt or anger, simply containing relief at how he was able to have you near him again.

You took a moment to respond, both enjoying the feeling of him so close and wanting nothing more than to be alone in your own misery.

"Sorry, I was getting tired, and you look like you were having a good time." You really tried to keep your voice clear of any sort of passive aggressiveness, any accusing tone that might have seeped in under a less mindful watch.

Venti let out a hum, choosing to position himself in a way where his head was close to your heart, listening to the methodical sound of it beat.

"I'm having way more fun here than I ever could there, please tell me next time and I'll leave with you."

You obviously weren't telling him the whole story, how you felt nauseous at the way other people looked at him, how you were just so tired of feeling as if you were competing with the world.

"Why are you here?"

It was a question that could have many different meanings, many different implications. Venti felt a twinge of sadness at the dejected way you said it, that one question showed exactly how many emotions you had been keeping from him.

"Because you're here." Venti mumbled, holding on to you tighter. He sensed that wasn't enough, there was an underlying intention there.

"I love you more than anything else, I don't want to be anywhere that you aren't, you know."

You almost felt like crying from the way he said it, how stupid it made you feel for having any sort of thoughts to the contrary.

You finally turned to look at him, your eyes meeting his beautiful green ones, filled with the promise of honesty.

"I just... I hate how I'm practically invisible next to you. You're so easily adored." You bit back bitterness.

"There's no way you can say that honestly when you're so much easier to adore my love. I adore you."

He really did, loved and adored you more than anything else in the known universe, he would have given anything for you to know that as well as he knew it.

"Please," there was a tone of desperation in his words, "Tell me next time you feel uncomfortable, okay? I promise I'll do anything to reassure you that there isn't anyone I could ever love more than you."

The promise hidden behind his words, telling you he would move mountains if only you asked him to, wasn't particularly concealed.

You gave a small nod, not trusting your voice with whatever you might have attempted to reply with.

Venti wasn't quite content with the doubt that continued to cloud your lovely face, his face contorting into a pout as he brought it up to meet yours, placing a long and gentle kiss on your lips as he tried to force every bit of sincerity into it.

You felt a bit light headed after a moment when he pulled back, that being rather prominent in your slightly hazy expression which he shared.

"I'm sorry—"

Whatever apology you had managed to conjure up got cut off swiftly by another kiss, then another and another.

You could help but smile slightly, which then turned into a full blown laugh once he moved his actions to various other parts of your face. From your nose, to your cheek, to your jaw, he seemed intent on proving his point.

"Ok, ok I get it." You giggled out as he smiled against you.

"Mm, I'm not quite sure you do, maybe I should keep going, just to be sure."

You felt the need to playfully roll your eyes at his teasing, but ultimately decided not to in favor of returning a kiss of your own.

It really was difficult to harbor negative feelings for long when he was so intent on counteracting them like this, and you had a feeling he would be more than happy to continue doing so whenever they happened to pop up in the future.

#genshin impact #sagau #genshin x reader #genshin venti #venti x reader #hurt/comfort

[ckret2]

Would Bill like

1. ABBA

2. Grateful dead

3. Mitski

4. Vocaloid (things like Kikou, Echo by Creeper-p, and Again also by Creeper-p

5. Kate Bush

Idk these were things I thought he'd like

For those of y'all just getting here, I'm using this list here as my guidelines for What Music I Believe Bill Cipher Would Like, Loosely Based On Canon.

1. Yeah I think he'd like ABBA (or, y'know, BABBA, as the case may be). He likes party music and that's like, party music of the 70s—though I imagine he lost interest in them as they stopped being contemporary.

But more importantly, it gives me the mental image of Dipper singing Disco Girl and Bill Fucking Cipher joins in like "I LOVE THIS SONG!" He'd be mortified.

Now I'm just thinking of parody song titles for BABBA. "Hand Me! Hand Me! Hand Me! (A Guy Late At Night)." "Mommy Mama." "The Loser Takes Nothing." "Dollars, Dollars, Dollars." "Superb Soldier."

2. Now, I've said I think Bill is all over well-known psychedelic music, so you'd think Grateful Dead would be top of the list; but when I sit and listen to their top hits, it makes me think less In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida or Jefferson Airplane, and more John Denver, so thus far I've passed over them. But digging a bit deeper I'm finding more stuff that gives me Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds vibes, so this is probably just a sign that I need to finally fill in the Grateful Dead-shaped hole in my mental musical library like I've been meaning to do for years. I'm gonna tentatively say "yes" just due to the fact that it's the Grateful Dead, but I haven't listened to them enough to say WHAT he'd enjoy.

3. I will grant that it's very funny to imagine Bill laying on a bed staring at the ceiling while "NOBODY, NOBODY, NOBODY—" blasts at top volume. However I think the main reason it's funny is because it's jarringly incongruous. Most of Mitski's music is dreamy-sounding, deeply introspective, and carried not by simple pop-friendly melodies but by the the complexity & poetry of the lyrics—and I think all of those are things Bill tends to steer away from. "Can you take psychedelics to it in the back of a van with tie-dye tapestries on the wall?" or "Can you rave to it?" covers most of his casual music listening.

(However, I do think he's got an ex girlfriend who did beat poetry that sounds kinda like Mitski lyrics as performed by a screaming death metal band. Someday I'll get around to drawing some of his exes.)

4. I say this as somebody who loves "Again" and "Echo"—I think he'd hate them, & probably most of Kikuo's music. There's a vast breadth of Vocaloid music—it's not really a genre so much as it is an instrument—and while I don't necessarily think he'd outright reject anything made with Vocaloid, I do think he'd steer away from the lyrically darker music. Like I said, I don't think he likes deeply introspective music. This triangle hasn't acknowledged or explored a negative emotion in a bajillion years and he's not about to start now. I mean, come on:

Cause I am on fire; a crying, burning liar; seeing nothing, nothing, but myself; and I'm the one with the lighter!

Is that about Bill? Sure, that's about Bill!!! You could insert it into the middle of the axolotl poem and hardly even notice.

(Making this was a mistake, in my head I started singing "if he wants to shirk the blame, he'll have to invoke my name" to the tune of "Again". Unplanned new headcanon voice for the Axolotl.)

However, "this describes Bill well" doesn't mean "Bill would like this." In fact, I think "this describes Bill well" almost guarantees that Bill would dislike a particular song. The fact that "Again" has such an apt description of him is exactly why he'd despise it. If you try to play this in his hearing, he's blowing up the speaker, burning down the house, turning your head into an ice cream cone and biting it off, and then telling his stunned silent friends that he got tired of this whiny boring music now let's go destroy something fun. Assuming he doesn't simply show no reaction to it at all so that he can avoid showing weakness.

Just about any songs about doubt, remorse, or bad feelings are gonna get the same reaction out of him. He doesn't wanna touch them with a ten foot pole. Music is for partying, music is for escapism. I can see him enjoying a darker song if it's framed in a way that invites the listener to derive voyeuristic schadenfreude from the singer's suffering—but if it's meant to confront you or discomfort you, or if listeners are expected in any way to personally identify with the lyrics, he's not touching it.

I could potentially see him listening to some of Kikuo's music if he can engage it STRICTLY as a party song. For instance, Gomenne Gomenne has sections that make it a solid dubstep song—with frenetic wordless singing on top, I think that'd appeal to Bill—so he might could put it on at a party... as long as the party is loud enough that he doesn't have to pay any attention to the lyrics about horrific child abuse and the resultant trauma. Maybe find a remix that leaves out all the lyrics about low self-esteem, brokenness, and worthlessness—but leave in the bits about rib soup, he thinks that part's funny once the context is removed. Violence is great, he just doesn't wanna be expected to pity someone.

It's a big stretch, though. If I had to pick Vocaloid songs for him, I'd look for either party-ready EDM with relatively bland lyrics or the really experimental pieces that do ear-hurting insane discordant things by pushing the Vocaloid program to the limits of the sounds it can generate; but I probably wouldn't pick Vocaloid for him at all.

5. I don't have anything special to say about Kate Bush, I just don't think anything about her music would intrigue him but there's nothing about it that would specifically deeply rub him the wrong way. Since I assume he's passingly familiar with most notable popular/mainstream artists, I'm sure he's heard her hits, he could probably sarcastically bang out a few bars of "Running Up That Hill" on the piano if he ever somehow found himself in a situation where sarcastic "Running Up That Hill" would be fitting; but the same could be said of any other chart-topping musician.

#anonymous #ask #music #bill cipher

[anjumbai]

Remembering: Neon Genesis Evangelion

Director: Hideaki Anno

I must not run away.

Another one of those anime that I watched Gigguk make loads of videos on. There's an almost persuasion quality to his videos, where he doesn't directly try to persuade you into watching an anime. Instead he makes love letters in the form of video essays on different anime, which sound so artistic and funny that you want to watch the anime just so you can grasp all of what he's saying. Sure, you can talk about anything passionately and people will find it beautiful. But it's a totally different thing when you love somebody's work so much that you wanna pick it up yourself and try it. Just so you can experience a fraction of what they did. I picked up journaling like that once. It really is beautiful what somebody's passion can make you do.

So NGE, another anime that I watched during Covid lockdown. I've loved this anime for how simply it tore apart all of it's narrative just so the depressed middle aged man known is Hideaki Anno could grasp the world's attention and deliver his message. His message was as simple as -"I don't like life. I'm no good and this world has no place for me. Somebody please, see me." As Gen Z, nothing beat a sweet glass of milk with depression back then.

What do I remember about NGE? Well-

Never skipped the damn intro. ZANKOKU WA TENSHI- *head beat intensifies*

Shinji was a pu*sy. It seemed that most of the viewers agreed that Shinji was a coward when it came to facing his life head on. While his behavior has always been memed, the same viewers were as sympathetic to him as they were critical. It was easy to make fun of him, but imagining myself in his shoes was really tough as well.

Rei was nice.

The adults were as hopeless as the teenage cast. None of the adults managed to act as adults where they should have. That resulted in a different kind of fucked up-ness. Shinji's father was a menace to him, burdening him with responsibilities totally not appropriate for a teenager of 14. I don't remember the age but yeah. You could see adults making moves on kids so that they could suffice for their loneliness; and you would think that how can that pass in a show? Well, it all seemed so subtle that you'd have to read some analysis on the characters. It was all pretty fucked up.

I read at least 2 reddit posts for analysis on each episode. At first, I thought I should do it because it's a mecha anime with loads of robots and prophetic terms. But soon you will come to realize that these religious terms and extremely cool robots were just for show, just to look cool. You didn't need to analyze any of it nor did you need to know what angels were, what was the spear of longinus or anything of that sort. As the story unfolds, you could see it was a deep revealing of Hideaki Anno, the director's troubled and disturbed mental state.

FLY ME TO THE MOON.

The studio lost it's budget before it could even end the show properly. You would have one shot of animation running for 10 minutes to end an episode, accompanied only by the dialogue. The last episodes used colorless panels of animation- even a regular viewer could see this as a budget cut rather than an artistic choice. But just because of this- they put some extra care on the only panels they could draw. You couldn't help but smile at a studio's budget constraints.

These are actual frames from the final episodes.

The anime finished with me gaining some deep knowledge on human emotions and that is what made NGE memorable to me. I still remember most of the lessons I learned and happen to instinctively follow now.

Evangelion is divided in 3 parts imo. The first is the original anime, then the follow up artistic movie called End Of Evangelion- my favourite movie this day, and the Rebuild of Evangelion movies. I loved Gigguk's explanation on how part 1 was an insight on the troubled mental state of Hideaki Anno. It showed how he failed to deal with emotions, how human interaction can leave you so hurt and how pointless all the pain seemed. End of Eva seemed like an acceptance stage of the pain, the woe and the inabilities. And the rebuild showed full acceptance of life and gratefulness. It was literally the most artistic and different way to get therapy in my opinion. And I love that about Eva.

I love Evangelion for all it has presented. It's an anime I hold close to me and I often run to Reflections of Despair in youtube just to remind myself of what I learned through this show.

You never understand anything. Nothing ever changes. Is that wrong? I don't wanna be alone. I'm no good. Nobody wants me. You betrayed my feelings. Somebody help me. Somebody care about me. All lines from the ASMV. I don't remember whether these are lines from NGE but they seem connected. There's so much to uncover through this lines, so much to live with. Nobody will truly understand you- and maybe that's the beauty of it. You have some feelings to yourself and you keep them with you. Nothing really changes, people stay the same. Not particularly true but maybe all of it is a part of life. We can't beg people to be with us so we can look at them instead of looking at our loneliness. And when they won't look at us, when they can't be the crutch we use to walk on, we focus on the rage of betrayal instead of learning why we actually feel all that rage. For whom is all that rage for? The betrayal? Or the pain you're gonna feel? Is it another crutch? Why let somebody care about you when you can do that for yourself?

10/10. Would watch with my kids. When they are 18 and mentally unstable.

End of Evangelion is much different than this. There's so much to talk about this anime- but I never have the proper words at any given time.

#evangelion #anime #neon genesis evangelion #nge #eva #thoughts #remembering #hideaki anno

[wondernus]

hello!! I'd like to request a junhui fic cause I need to settle my brainrot :>

yn keeps getting gifts (whatever choice) sent to them at work with no note or anything attached so they are determined to find out who it is, and without any lead yn starts to send themself gifts to see if that will rile anyone up, and low and behold a certain moon junhui starts acting a little weird

(I hope that was descriptive enough I wanted to leave a lot of room for your own imput!!)

a/n: bestie...have you seen his gym selfie? like please sir 🤲 one chance 🤲 please give me one chance 🤲

little flowers. the tiny clover flowers that grow in the grass. you'll never see their different colors and variations if you don't take some time to stop and bend down to look at them. but you don't need to because every day there's already a tiny clover flower placed on your desk. most days it's white, but some days there's a purple clover flower. some days it's a white one with the prettiest pink petals dispersed around the bud. you like the way the flower feels when you run your pointer finger over its tiny petals, how there's the faintest smell when you bring it close to your nose.

as much as you appreciate whoever is placing the little flowers on your desk every day, it irks you to not know who is giving you the flowers. the flowers are much too small for your other coworkers to notice you're receiving them at all. therefore, you think it would be much too obvious if you send large gifts to yourself so you do the same thing. when you go home one night, you rush to your supply closet to find the long strips of papers with the origami paper you've abandoned years ago and write tiny messages on the back of them.

when jun places his draft on your desk, he notices a tiny folded paper star on the top of your monitor. you're currently away so he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny pink flower and places it right next to the star. he's sad it's a little wilted but he likes how comforting it is to see them after he lays on the field next to the track after doing his morning jog. he’s not that great at expressing his feelings, sometimes too shy to even talk to you. he thinks if you see them, they’ll make your day a little brighter.

however, a few days pass and you still don't know who keeps giving you the clovers. jun is also starting to become more and more stressed because he saw how surprised you were when you opened the stars. he saw a few open strips on your desk - love notes. they were confessions from somebody else.

you notice him staring a couple of times. you're not sure if jun is staring at you or if he's deep in thought or even simply staring off into space. one thing you know for sure is that he's quieter than usual. the two of you barely talk to each other, but it seems like he doesn't even want to have anything to do with you. instead of giving you an awkward greeting before handing you his files, he quietly sets it on your desk and walks away. and it sucks bc you think he's super interesting/sweet and you really want to get to know him better (+ he's totally your type). so when you drop off his corrected files on his desk while he's away from the office, you notice a ton of tiny cat drawings doodled on his scratch paper. there are also some tiny cat figurines placed around his desk area. you come up with an idea.

although jun looks completely calm and collected on the outside, jun is fumbling with the small (probably crumpled) clover flower in the front pocket of his hoodie. you came to work early today and you haven't left your desk. this means he has no way to give you your flower. he hears you talk to your co-worker about having to work overtime tonight and he practically gives up, slumping onto his desk. he's silently screaming, but in the corner of his eye he sees a tiny origami cat hiding behind one of his gachapon cats. it piques his interest, and he sits up and holds the tiny folded paper in his hands.

you've been watching him ever since you heard him practically slam his head onto his desk. you see him holding and studying your origami cat, a tiny smile on his face but he's still visibly stressed. you see how the cat has a positive effect him so you quickly fold another one using one of your sticky notes before you return his files to him. you think sacrificing your origami cat secret identity is worth it if it means you can make jun's day a little better.

when you finally approach his desk with his files, you clear your throat to catch his attention. you hand him his files and he receives them and gives you a nod as if to say thanks. he places the files down and immediately goes back to working on his computer. he notices that you're still standing there and raises his head to look at you. you reach into your pocket and pull out a tiny yellow cat with a little smile drawn on its face and place it next to his mouse. you don't say anything else and walk back to your desk.

now it's your turn to slump onto your desk. giving him another cat didn't evoke any new reaction out of him and you basically ruined your secret for nothing. it was an utter failure of an attempt. but a soft voice calls out your name and you look up to see jun. he places a note on your desk with a clover flower attached to it:

sorry it's missing a bit of its petals today. if you're having a hard day, I hope thinking about the flowers can cheer you up.

it's signed off with one of his tiny cat doodles. he sees your cheeks flush red and he smiles to himself. his cheeks begin to blush too.

#i'm happily in my fluff era #wondernus imagines #seventeen imagines #seventeen au #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #jun imagines #jun x reader #junhui imagines #junhui x reader #jun fluff

[k-dokja]

EVERYTHING COMES AROUND | Chapter 1: We Look At The World Once, In Childhood. | AO3

It is only when Samuel stopped in front of your school gate that he remembers how he often sticks out like a sore thumb among normal teenagers. Normally, he'd care little for it. They do not live his life and he cares not for theirs. There is no common ground for any of them to understand each other, caring about their opinions does little good for him.

However, it doesn't stop him from receiving uncertain gazes from others. From old to young, everyone who passes by your school gate struggles to keep their eyes averted. Samuel knows better than anyone that what he is doing does him no favour. Even the guard standing at the gate begins to give him a pensive stare, but he shows no sign of repentance.

Samuel pops open his pack and begins to light up one of his cigarettes. His eyes meet with the guard. He can see the veins on the man's forehead even at this distance. However, before the older man can open his mouth, another interrupts Samuel's moment of amusement.

"Oh, look at that, look at that, Samuel Seo in the flesh, gracing our student body with his prodigious presence." In front of him stands the person he has been waiting for. Seeing you in uniform and wearing your backpack throws him off a little, if only because he doesn't get to do that often. Samuel reorients by turning his target from the guard to you. Not that it does anything to faze you. "What are you doing here? Did you catch a cold or something? Need me to call somebody to help?"

Samuel drags a long breath from his cigarette before answering, "Do you ever stop acting the fool?" He breathes out and blows the smoke in your general direction. When you step back from the attack, he smiles a little. "I only stopped here because I have business in this area."

You wave the smoke away, frowning at it. "And?"

"What do you think? Go with me." He answers simply. "I need someone good with machines and numbers."

It wouldn't go that easily. You prop your hands on your hips, your glare is defiant. "This counts as overtime, I expect compensation."

Samuel draws in another breath, shorter this time, and turns away from you to breathe it out. "I'm getting you fish cakes."

Almost too easily, all of your previous aggression dissipates into thin air. In their place, a smile blooms. "Why didn't you start with that?" You walk up to him and grab his arm. "Let's go already!"

He finds it almost stupid how easily convinced you are. Then again, it is his plan so he guesses he has nothing to complain about. The two of you arrive at his destination after a short walk. You keep quiet for much of it, changing between typing on your phone and talking to him about current business plans for Big Deal. All of it is inconsequential, no better than small talk, but at least, he doesn't mind it.

"What is this business you're dragging me along anyway?" You ask between typing on your phone.

Samuel inhales the last drag from his cigarette before discarding it sideways, crushing the final cinder with the sole of his shoe. "Some accounting issues I have with one of the people I work with," he brushes away a stray lint on his black coat, "it doesn't have anything to do with Big Deal."

"I guess it's expected," you say, "you've been working on migrating to Gangnam, haven't you?"

"Something like that," he shrugs, "I'm bringing a lot of people with me so I want the transition to be as smooth as possible."

You raise your head, staring at him for a wordless moment before returning to your phone. "You're serious about the offer, then? You really want me to go there with you?"

It is an unnecessary question, but he doesn't point that out. Instead, he only reminds you of one indisputable truth, "What would I gain for lying?"

You frown but offer no answer for that. May as well, he cannot see any reply which would satisfy his question. The two of you stay that way until your arrival at his destination. "We're here," Samuel nods at the store.

In return, you wryly muse, "You weren't making up an excuse to go meet me?"

He doesn't dignify that with any response and makes his way into the building. It is a shop which hides away from the hustle and bustle of the city by shoving into the deep nook and crannies of the streets. Not much is on display and the only person manning the store is a man not much older than him, but if his hollowed eyes are any indication, he carries much more weariness for the world than Samuel does. Samuel knows little about the man, but he knows that he can trust him with discretion and that is more than enough for their operation.

Ignoring the man, Samuel ventures further into the store without hesitation, but stop short when he feels your absence beside him. He turns back, unimpressed eyes staring down at you when he sees you remaining outside of the store.

"What?"

You clutch on the straps of your backpack, staggering away from the dim-lit interior of the stores. He sighs in frustration and walks back to you. "What is it?" He doesn't bother to hide his impatience, but it does nothing to stop your worrying stare at the back of the store.

"Samuel... what is this side business of yours?"

He glances back at the storefront, shagged and worn out from disrepair. It appears decrepit from a glance, but he knows better than anyone what goes down in the back. Maybe you know, too, from a glance. "No one will be there at this hour of the day," he takes your wrist and wrenches it from your strap, "you have nothing to worry about."

You frown at the force of his grip but say nothing. After another sigh, he loosens but maintains his hold.

"...You'll owe me more than fish cakes," you mutter but go lax once his grip no longer tightens around your wrist. Samuel says nothing and drags you inside with him. He takes your compliance to your acceptance, pulling you past the aisles of goods and heading straight for the back door. Behind it hides an impersonal storage room, nothing but dust motes and old merchandise sitting in silence. Samuel glances past them and walks deeper in, where a door hides behind crates and unopened boxes. If he has to point out something which stands out from this unassuming door, it would be the steel material of it and the peephole stationed on it at eye level.

You tug your hand out of his, but before Samuel can respond, you scuttle up to him, hiding behind his broad back. He holds back another sigh, before knocking on the door. The door creaks under his taps, followed by a rattle of a metallic slide. Black eyes peer back at him from the opened slot.

"Name?" A masculine voice crackles.

"It's me, Elliot," he says, patience wearing thin, "let me in."

A silence follows after. Then, the reply nearly gives him conniption. "...Password?"

Samuel glares at the speaker. Soon, their tension dissolves with the snickering from the other person. "You really have no sense of humour, kid." A sigh can be heard from the other sigh and a rattle of locks and chains afterwards. "Really, how do you plan to survive in this business being so grim?"

On the other side stands a man with a ruffle of dyed hair in greyish pink and a crooked smile, he leans on the door frame after opening it. His eyes are tired when they stare back at Samuel, but it is another brand of fatigue compared to the one sitting at the front. Samuel knows he is older than him in terms of age, but his features are too youthful for his age. A contrast to Samuel's own severe expression. "Here for the records?" He yawns, stretching his arms and stepping aside to give Samuel an opening. "I already told you, the search showed up nothing."

"I'll believe it when I see it," he pushes the other man aside and steps into the room, "show me the numbers."

Behind Elliot hides a room blanketed in shadows. It is deceptively empty save for a table in the middle of the room, illuminated by a single light above it. Surrounding the table, chairs are situated in disorganization. Only one of them faces the table, the rest are in varying states of disarray. The exact place Elliot was occupying before he comes to greet him, Samuel surmises.

The other man fails to heed Samuel's demand in the immediate moment. "What is this here? You brought your girlfriend with you?" He reaches out for you, but before he can make the contact, Samuel slaps his hand away.

"She's the help I mentioned bringing," Samuel narrows his eyes, "now, where are the numbers?"

"What? So tense, you know I'm only messing around." Elliot crinkles his eyes with a smarmy smile.

"The numbers," Samuel growls, taking one step closer to Elliot.

In his own defence, Elliot raises his hands in a sign of surrender. He continues to maintain his smile, however, even if it's a touch strained. "You're really impatient, sometimes. You should work on that if you want to succeed in the long run."

Even with what he said, Elliot sidesteps Samuel to fetch a laptop from the table in the middle of the room, putting it to face the two of you. Samuel nods at you to sit at the chair closest to the laptop. Gingerly, you follow his instruction to sit down.

"I didn't reckon you are the type to let children play with your toys, by the way," Elliot props a hand on the table, encasing you at the other side. You flinch at the sudden closeness, but if Elliot noticed it, he doesn't show. "Shouldn't this one be out there playing hide-and-seek with her friends or something?"

"She's not that much younger than me," Samuel says, "besides, she knows what she's doing, that's good enough for me."

Elliot chortles, "Child labour is a crime, you know." That alone earns him a withering glare from Samuel, something he annoyingly takes in stride.

You glance up at Samuel, your expression pensive, "What should I be looking for?"

Samuel sighs, "There's a mismatch in the income number last week and the total monthly report," he explains, "this idiot over here is meant to keep that number in check but he cannot figure out where is the error."

Elliot chimes in, "I can help her navigate," and with an unnecessary snicker, he adds, "it's not like Sammy-boy understands much of the system, anyway."

Instinctively, his eyes narrow into a glare at Elliot, but he keeps his quiet. Even if it annoys him, what the other man said can't be rebuked. Samuel takes a step back and lets Elliot work with you while he takes up a position at a nearby wall, not moving his eyes away from the unfolding scene in front of him.

True to his words, Elliot means no malice towards you even if his comments are out of pockets. Only for a little, you relax around the other flippant man. Your quiet conversation with him turns into continuous chatter, with Elliot leading much of it. Some of them are riddled with complaints about the system, the others are much more mundane, about common interests and the likes. Finally, the two of you quiet down for you to work. Samuel takes that idle time to draw out another smoke. However, he is only halfway through his first drag before his little joy is snuffed by a certain someone.

"Sammy-boy, what did I say about smoking in a closed room?" Elliot props his other hand on his hip, grinning like the cat that caught the canary. His argument is moot and Samuel shows him as much by taking another breath and inhaling in his general direction. The room has long been plagued by the scent that indiscriminate smokers left behind. Even under the current faint light, Samuel can see the yellowing of the wallpaper.

What disrupts Elliot's and Samuel's continuing battle of glare is the sounds of your coughs. You keep it quiet, trying to focus on the computer screen in front of you. That small change alone puts a triumphant smile on Elliot's lips. Before he can open his mouth again, Samuel throws the cigarette down and stomps on it. The smile on Elliot's face looks different now, more curious.

"I think I got it," the rapid typing of your fingers continues even while you explain, "there's a minor bug in the system which mixed up the numbers when they get too high, I think I should be able to apply an easy fix... here."

Your completion comes with a resounding clack of the final button. Samuel shoots Elliot a look at that explanation, but the other man only shrugs. "Do I look like a programmer? I'm an accountant, you hired me to do accounting."

"Can't even do it right," Samuel mutters before striding over to your side. "Let me see."

You lean back to allow Samuel the space to check on the computer. It only takes a moment, but what he sees satisfies him, enough that all of the provocation Elliot threw his way seems trivial now. "Good work," Samuel says, "everything looks perfect now."

"It has always been perfect," Elliot shoots, "the flaw was in that stupid program we use."

Again, Samuel throws a withering glare his way, but this time around, he makes no comment. With that finished and wrapped up, Samuel ushers you to wait upstairs while he discusses some business matters with Elliot. Although, much of the conversation is frustrating thanks to Elliot's inability to stay focused on the matter at hand.

"So, boss man," Elliot drawls, "I didn't know you're the type to take fancy on someone, a common girl even."

Samuel smoothes down the frown on his face and clenches his fist, "What does this have to do with the business?"

Elliot only shrugs, "Just saying, I feel like this won't be the last time I see her around," he says, "besides, she's cute, having her around will boost the morale up, that I can say."

Instead of even entertaining that though, Samuel gives him a look which speaks volumes about his opinion regarding Elliot's suggestion.

"Hey, now, I never said I see her that way," Elliot rises to defend his dignity, "I'm just saying having her around might boost somebody's mood."

"Keep your thoughts to yourself," Samuel huffs, "besides, I don't think I can drag her back here again."

Your apprehension at the front door returns to him. He doesn't know what it was that paralyzed you that way, but you haven't been the same since you followed after him. Tense and meek, he doesn't like that. It doesn't help that you never once took a chance to throw a quip at him either.  

He leaves the room soon after and feels no surprise when he sees you waiting outside. You continue to do that again, wearing a slight frown while your hands clutch on the strap of your backpack. He decides to make no comment about it when he steps out of the store. "Let's go."

True to his words, Samuel stops by a street food stand for the reward he promised you earlier. You remain quiet and distant even while eating. In your effort to find a distraction, he finds you staring at a nearby store. It is much brighter compared to the place the two you visited a moment before. It is ridiculous how pink and cute everything in the store is, almost to the point of nausea.

He doesn't know what exactly captures you until you begin to stray from the stand while munching on one of the sticks he paid for you. It soon becomes clear that you were staring at a fluffy teddy bear sitting on display. White in the colour of its fur and adorned with a red sweater in its tiny size. When you don't return immediately, he frowns and steps out after you. At least, you're no longer apprehended by your previous anxiety at the store, but he's not happy with that alone. 

"Aren't you too old to play with plush toys?" He says, in no mean to criticize but you flinch anyway.

However, you recover quickly from it. Your previous tension is now replaced by an unimpressed deadpan. "I'm only a middle school student, it's normal for me to like plush toys," you say, "you, on another hand, are too old to doodle on your body indiscriminately."

He stares down at you. Unspoken words are louder than anything else. Strangely enough, that gets you to laugh. And somehow, that is the highlight of this accursed afternoon. "Come on, let's head back to Big Deal. I'm going to be late for my shift if we continue to dawdle around." You grab his arm again, dragging him in the direction of Big Deal street. Samuel heaves out a sigh. It has been a strange day, but at least, it doesn't appear to end on a sour note.

#samuel seo x reader #samuel seo #lookism #lookism x reader #fics

[nancys4gf]

Hi, I love your writing!

I was wondering if I could ask for a request. Something about reader (maybe Dustin's older sister?) being a childhood friend of Jonathan and Nancy, then reader and Jon start dating at highschool and everything is great with him and his family until he decides to break up to be with Nancy? Reader obviously feels hurt and betrayed by both. Time passes and she starts dating Eddie and finally feels happy and loved again?

And if you'd like some more drama Jonathan knowing Nancy wants to get back with Steve and Jon wanting to go back to reader but she's with Eddie now👀

past and present | eddie munson, jonathan byers

summary: sometimes the past and the present meet in the middle.

pairing: eddie munson x female reader | jonathan byers x female reader

warnings: angst

note: the DRAMA of this omg anon your mind. thank you so much!!! i'm so glad you like my stories and that you wanted to request one <3 i'm sorry if it took a little time to post it, i really hope you like it!

̟ ̇.˚︵‿୨♡୧‿︵˚.✩

“i really have to study, eddie,” you giggled as your boyfriend left insistent kisses on your cheek. “i can’t.”

“you seriously can’t take some time off to pay attention to me?” he gasped, theatrically putting a hand over his chest.

“i always give you attention.” you said, playing with the rings on his fingers. “and no, i can’t. it’s an important test. you’d know that, if you bothered to study.”

“how about,” he started, giving you a devious smile. “you come over, and-” you rolled your eyes, and he raised his hands defensively, raising his voice. “and i’ll be good and quiet so you can study, hm?”

you narrowed your eyes. “you? quiet? i don’t buy it.”

“i promise. i won’t bother you. that way, you can study all you want, and i get to look at you while you do it. everybody wins.”

the bell rang, indicating that the break was over. eddie jumped off the top of your car, putting his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

“what do you say?”

he was smiling, because he already knew you’d never say no to him.

“alright.” you said, defeated. “but you better keep your promise.”

“always.” he leaned in and left a quick peck on your lips. “enjoy your free period, while the rest of us commoners have class. wish me luck. i’ll need it.”

“good luck.” you said entertainingly as eddie skipped off.

you resumed doodling in your sketchbook, smiling to yourself as you finished the drawing for eddie’s birthday. it was a drawing of him playing the guitar, and maybe it was because it was him, but you thought it was the best thing you had ever made.

some time passed, and you couldn’t shake off the feeling that somebody was watching you. you looked around, until you found the pair of eyes that were staring at you from across the parking lot.

you held your gaze until jonathan realized you had caught him staring. he startled and clumsily walked away, leaving you alone and confused.

— ❀ —

you showed up to pick up eddie and dustin from hellfire. like every week, you'd probably go out to eat after, or simply hang out at yours and dustin's house. 

this time, though, you were surprised to see you weren’t alone. jonathan was there too, leaning against his car. after contemplating (and discarding) the idea of hiding in your car until eddie and dustin showed up, you hesitantly walked up to him.

“hi.”

he quickly turned around, his eyes wide. “oh, hi.”

you looked at him, at the school, and then back at him, not sure how to ask the question you wanted to ask without sounding rude.

“i’m here to pick up will.”

“oh,” you nodded your head, still unconvinced. “doesn’t your mom usually pick him up?”

“yeah, she does," he cleared his throat. “she had a late shift today.”

“right.”

silence filled the space between the two of you, surrounding you like the night breeze. you discreetly glanced at your watch. they should have finished by now. 

“so,” jonathan spoke. “how are you?”

“i’m fine. trying to survive exams, you know? but good.” you gazed at him, noticing the way he was hiding his hands in his pockets, his gaze fixed on the ground. he clearly felt just as nervous and awkward as you. “what about you?”

“yeah, me too.”

“how’s your mom?”

“she’s great. she’s been… happier.”

“hopper looks happy too.” you smiled, thinking about the town’s newest couple. you had always hoped they’d get together someday.

if you were being honest, you wished you had been around when it happened. it saddened you not to be as close to joyce as you had once been.

“will looks happy too,” you added, and jonathan looked at you, a small smile growing on his lips. “i always see him around, you know.”

because i’m dating eddie, seemed to wordlessly hang in the air. 

“yeah, he talks about you a lot.” he chuckled, and you perked up.

“he does?”

jonathan nodded his head. “i think he misses you.”

your stomach dropped, the smile slowly disappearing from your face.

“i miss him too.” you said quietly. “i’ll ask him if he wants to hang out at the arcade sometime.”

“he’d love that.”

you glanced at your watch again. it wasn’t unusual for them to take bit more time than expected, and you normally didn’t mind, but tonight was different. tonight, time moved slow.

you gazed at the road, trying to find anything to look at that wasn’t jonathan. it was the first time you two were having a conversation ever since you had broken up. you didn't know how to talk to him anymore.

“how’s eddie?”

the question took you aback. you had never heard jonathan say eddie’s name before. it was almost unsettling, hearing your present's name in your past's mouth.

“he’s good.”

you prayed and prayed to whatever god would listen to remove you from this situation. you didn’t want him to ask about your current relationship, so you did the first thing you could think of.

“how’s nancy?”

now that was a name you had uttered a million times. a name you had pronounced with affection, a name you had uttered in laughter, a name you had yelled, a name you had cried over. and the mere pronunciation of it managed to make the air between the two of you even heavier.

“you don’t have to ask, you know.” jonathan whispered. you weren’t looking at him, and he wasn’t looking at you.

“i want to.”

he sighed. “she’s fine. she’s editor of the paper.”

“i heard.”

you knew perfectly well that you could just leave it at that, the same way he hadn’t asked anything else about eddie. you had done your part, you had been cordial.

but a small part of you, the part of you that may purposefully look for pain, wanted to hear about the relationship between your ex boyfriend and the girl that used to be your best friend.

“and you two? you’re okay?”

jonathan hesitated, distractedly playing with his feet.

“i don’t know.”

“what’s wrong?”

“i think…” he took a breath. “i think she wants to get back together with steve.”

you exhaled, as if someone had punched you in the stomach.

“shit.”

“yeah.”

“but,” you stammered, shaking your head. “did she tell you that?”

his eyes were tired and defeated as they looked into yours. “she doesn’t need to.”

you weren't sure what to say, let alone what to feel. when everything went down, you would've moved mountains to see nancy and jonathan apart. but you had eventually accepted it, and even gotten used to it to the point where you couldn't imagine it any other way. you couldn't believe they might actually break up.

you couldn't imagine jonathan being alone.

“i’m sorry.” you said quietly.

“it’s okay.” he shrugged. “they’re highschool romances. they’re not supposed to last.”

the bitterness in his tone and words suggested that he was not only talking about him and nancy, but about you two as well. and maybe, about you and eddie.

“can i ask you something?”

you waited a moment, giving fate one last chance. a chance for eddie to burst through the doors so you could get the hell out of there and avoid whatever situation was about to go down. but everything stayed still.

“sure.”

“do you… think about me?” he paused. “about us?”

“why are you asking me that, jonathan?” 

“i don’t know.” he confessed. “i just… i think about you. a lot. and sometimes i feel that, maybe, you think about me too.”

“i think about a lot of things.” you looked away. “that doesn’t make them important.”

“you still use it.”

“hm?”

“the sketchbook.” he finished. “the one i made for you.”

“it was a gift, jonathan. what was i supposed to do? throw it away?”

“it’s full of pictures of us.” he stared at you. “did you throw those away?”

you scoffed. “what’s this? you haven’t talked to me in ages and now you’re suddenly asking all sorts of questions.”

“you haven’t made an effort to reach out, either.”

you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. you crossed your arms over your chest, guarding yourself.

“you chose her, jonathan.” you stated, your voice sharp and steady. “you chose her.”

“and how do i know if i made the right choice?”

your heart skipped a beat, pounding loudly against your ears. you couldn't remember the amount of nights you had gone to bed going over what you would say to jonathan if you ever got the chance.

you used to imagine yourself running into his arms, taking him back without a second thought. but that was a long time ago now.

“remember what you told me when you broke up with me? when you broke up with me because you were in love with our best friend, the one we grew up with?” you snapped, taking a step closer to him.

you had thought you were over all of this, but standing in front of jonathan under the pale streetlights, you realized there had always been some lingering ache waiting to burst through your chest.

“you told me you wanted me to be happy. that i deserved someone who would love me the way i deserved.”

jonathan looked down, and you wanted to scream at him to look at you. he had done this. he had broken the two of you, and the bond you had once shared. being brave enough to look you in the eye was the least he could do.

“i’m with eddie now.” you tried your best not to let your voice break. “you have no idea how hard it was. but i’m happy. i’m very happy. and he loves me, alright? he loves me. so please, jonathan,” you breathed in as he finally looked at you. “don’t ask me what would have happened if things had been different. because they’re not.”

now that he had met your gaze, you noticed his eyes were filled with tears. you didn’t regret what you had said. but you suddenly wondered if you had been too harsh on the boy that had taught you what love is.

you knew, or used to know, his deepest fears and his most wishful desires. you used to protect one another, and now all you seemed to do was hurt each other.

before you could say anything else, the school doors burst open and the kids excitedly ran out, followed by eddie. they were celebrating the end of a successful campaign, but all you could feel was a hollow emptiness in your chest.

will lit up as soon as he caught sight of his brother, and jonathan quickly wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket.

“hi, bud.”

after the kids said their goodbyes, dustin and eddie talked enthusiastically as they walked up to you, recounting their favorite moments of the evening.

“hi, buttface.” dustin greeted you, and you ruffled his hair in response.

eddie playfully wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you in for a kiss. you laughed as he lifted you off the ground, spinning you around before setting you down again.

“hi, pretty boy.”

it was incredible, how eddie managed to cheer you up in seconds, just by being himself. you once believed you would never love again, but knowing eddie made you realize that having loved before was enough proof that you could do it again.

but when you turned around, you were still haunted by the past. eddie was saying something you weren’t paying attention to, staring into jonathan’s hurt eyes instead. eventually, eddie noticed you weren’t listening to him, and followed your gaze. 

you didn’t see it, but his jaw tightened and he lifted his chin, staring at jonathan.

“byers.” he stated. “we don’t usually see you around here.”

jonathan mumbled something about picking up will, giving the same explanation of his mom working late. eddie nodded his head, and though he was tense, he never lost his composure. 

“you can join us sometime, if you want.”

“oh, no. i don’t play.” he shook his head.

“shame.” eddie said simply. “well, goodnight.”

eddie wrapped an arm around your shoulders and turned back, walking towards your car. you listened to his and dustin's discussion about where to eat, but you could only think about jonathan’s eyes boring into your back.

when you got into your car, you cast jonathan a last glance. as expected, he was already staring at you. he looked as if there was something he wanted to say. and you looked as if you didn't want him to say it. so he got into his car and drove off, disappearing down the road.

you let out a sigh, gripping the wheel. eddie looked at you from the passenger’s seat.

“you okay?” he asked softly. you nodded your head, turning on the engine. eddie leaned in and placed a kiss on your cheek. “you pick where you want to eat, okay?”

“what?!” dustin exclaimed from the backseat. “no! she always chooses denny's!”

eddie ignored him, all his attention put on you. you gave him a small smile and placed a short peck on his lips.

“i love you.”

he smiled, brightening up at your words. he put a hand on your thigh and wiggled it from side to side.

“only because i let you torture us with denny and his nasty burgers?”

you rolled your eyes and turned on the radio.

“his burgers are the best.”

“they're disgusting.” dustin stated.

all your favorite songs filled the car, and while you sang loudly with dustin and eddie played air guitar, you realized you didn’t need to hide from the past. it would always be a part of you, a part of your story. but you wouldn’t let it interfere with your present. 

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson au #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson fluff #jonathan byers #jonathan byers x reader #jonathan byers imagines #jonathan byers au #jonathan byers angst #jancy #stranger things #stranger things imagines #stranger things au #stranger things x reader #stranger things fluff #stranger things angst #reader!henderson #requests

[vipier]

❝ clever. you were testing me, weren’t you? ❞ ( from lucy gray! )

“ NOW, WHY ON EARTH WOULD I DO THAT, SONGBIRD? ” certainly not an answer to her question, a fact which tristan is fully aware will be immediately apparent to both of them. after all, for what little he knows of lucy gray, he is above all abundantly aware that she is no fool. it would be a terrible mistake to see her pretty face, to watch her dance and play and sing and assume any of it pointed toward some level of vapidity — although he’s watched many ( particularly lovestruck men ) do so before his very eyes anyway. perhaps he simply enjoys a greater appreciation for the musical arts than most … or perhaps, more likely, he simply sees some of himself reflected back in her sharp eyes when he looks at her. she blooms like a flower, perhaps, pretty and delicate to the eye, but he recognizes a survivor when he sees one, somebody who will fight and claw to any degree to simply live, somebody who’s spent their entire life doing so already.

frankly, tristan hadn’t a single notion from the start that she wouldn’t catch on to his charade ; rather, he’d expected her to. ( and would have been quite disappointed, had she not. ) she’s a formidable sort of opponent, one he can needle a bit, knowing she’ll needle him right back if the occasion calls for it. good natured and sweet as spun sugar when the occasion calls for it, when she wishes to be, but never to be underestimated or played a fool except to dangerous consequences. despite all of the dangerous people he knows in this world, he finds he would still wish to stay far away from lucy gray’s bad side, given the option. still, it seems they both like a game now and again. he inhales thoughtfully off the cigarette between his fingers, letting the smoke slowly out through pursed lips, marinating in the quiet between them for a good few moments before choosing to speak again.

“ if I had been testing you — which I refuse to admit to, no matter what you say or how many songs you promise me — I wonder what might have inspired me. ” he arches a brow, his expression a playful sort of challenge through his glinting eyes and the barest pull at the corner of his mouth. come, lucy gray. I’ve thrown the dice, so surely you’d wish to try your luck. the lights have slowly brightened over the course of the last few minutes, signaling that the end of the night at this establishment draws near. for him, it simply means moving to the next place ; he’s got a good couple of hours left in him and the idea of going back to the place he’s currently staying provides him no joy at all. “ and you would have passed. in case you were wondering. although something tells me you’re hardly concerned with passing someone else’s tests. ”

CIRCE SENTENCE STARTERS.

#mirrorvale #contract accepted. ( responses ) #i continue to gather all of my thoughts about them that i’ve had since you first picked her up #and i have no ability to be articulate but… snakes… music… survivors… i’ll pass away

[sayakxmi]

[Magi reread] Night 2: His name is Alibaba.

It's my boy, it's my boy. <3

Funnily enough, when I first watched Magi I was pretty neutral about Alibaba, but upon the first rewatch/reread (several years later) he became one of my all time favorite character. My fav used to be Judar, but he's nowhere near the top anymore, lmao. Like, not even close.

Damn, this really makes me wanna, as we say it in Poland, throw everything and go to Bieszczady.

I love him. Baby boy, baby. Precious. Thousand flower crowns for you, and a free resurrection pass for somebody close you love, we know who they are.

10 years later the guy is married to the Empress (fuck canon, I do what I want), but ok, Budel.

(insert a photo of a fly doing the thing, you know the thing)

Once upon a time I've mentioned that Alibaba's pretty smart, but I was too lazy to write that post, sorry. But, anyway, that's one of the things. He's actually pretty good at reading people. Nothing crazy, but he knows his shit enough to tell that in normal circumstances Budel would've been the best kind of customers for him. Kiss his ass a bit, and you're home. Alibaba isn't malicious, but he can be a bit manipulative in moments like this.

I'm back on my bullshit, that is overanalyzing every page Alibaba is in, but fr, I was talking about it with Yudja ages ago, how, in general, this chapter does such an amazing job at establishing Alibaba as a character. But this moment here, it tells you So Much. Alibaba has a tremendous sense of responsibility, reaching the point of taking the responsibility for things that aren't his fault at all, in this case Aladdin being extremely disrespectful to Budel (like, Budel's an awful person, but Aladdin was still a dick). And Aladdin is a kid. Not Alibaba's kid, but a kid nonetheless, and Alibaba might be a bit rough with him, but he draws the line at actually letting him be hit. That's actually a small thing I'm a bit annoyed at anime for changing (I mean, I'm annoyed at many anime changes) - in the episode Alibaba basically throws Aladdin onto the ground with himself & while he's still the one to take the punishment, Aladdin is right next to him, whereas in the manga he does make him bow, but then pushes him away, and, again, is a bit rough later on, but nothing too hard.

Also, one more thing regarding that scene:

Like mother, like son.

No, you won't. You're a softie.

No, you won't. But at least you're gonna have some sick connections.

Aladdin, pay attention when your soon-to-be-bff is monologuing.

HE SAID THE THING!

Look at him. He's so happy to see them be happy.

Fuck you, too, Budel.

Not adding photos, cuz I don't want to hit the limit, again. But the desert hiacynth thing.

Aladdin being done with Budel's bs.

Angy.

Honestly, I've always appreciated that Alibaba doesn't throw himself into the danger right away. He's scared. He wants somebody else to do this. It's a big part of his character, both the lack of confidence in his own skills, and just simply being afraid of the danger. But even so

He still can't stand the idea of a life being disrespected like that. If nobody eles will, then he'll have to be the one to.

(Another thing I didn't like about the anime is that it added some shots of Balbadd flashbacks, which sure added to the mystery of Alibaba's past, but also it ended up weakening this scene imo. In the anime it comes off as a result of guilt, rather than Alibaba's genuine respect for life, like it does in the manga.)

Aladdin supporting his bestie with a flute solo.

Also, back to Alibaba being pretty smart, I mean, he recognizes the plant & remembers how to deal with it, like, bro, I'm after biology-related studeis, and I can recognize like four plants. At the very least, Alibaba's got pretty good memory.

The anime deprived us of loose hair Aladdin, I'm making up for it here. But also, gdi, these two. Ugh. I love them. I wish friendship was real.

Anyway, I was thinking about Leila and Alibaba being, potentially, drawn similarly to draw the parallels regarding the whole Lying thing, you know? Since that's something they both do that Aladdin notes immediately.

Also, ok, I gush about Alibaba a lot, and ya fucking bet I will keep on doing that, but, tbh, props to Aladdin for quick thinking, too. When he noticed that Ugo wasn't coming out (iirc in the anime it wasn't, like, mentioned? He just straigh up went with his turban? but I'm not sure), he was like, screw it, and used his turban, while also using the things Alibaba's told him about these flowers and wine. In these first few chapters it's pretty easy to overlook it, but Aladdin is really smart, too, and learns quickly.

These guys are understandably pissed at Budel, but I also can't help but think that they're like "we just think that blond kid is neat", too. It's the Alibaba effect no one is fully immune to.

Alibaba. Alibaba, no. Just take the help when people are offering it to you, don't be a dumbass. You'll get into trouble. Also, why are you so pretty. Just look at my boy :(

#saya's magi reread

[xxlady-lunaxx]

Alone | Genya+Sanemi angst

⚠ Spoilers: ✔

⚠ TWs: Slight Suicide mentions, Death

⚠ THIS IS SO SHORT... 😭

«3rd POV, Genya»

It was too much. After all that time.. all that practice and training and overworking.. he would die. And not even during a real mission. He never got to prove himself to Sanemi.. Because.. because apparently he really was the useless miserable child Sanemi had always called him. If he couldn't even simply pass Final Selection he really was hopeless. A piece of.. what has Sanemi said? Right. A piece of shit. A useless, hopeless, miserable, little child. He could do nothing. Absolutely noth..

The demon swiped at his neck. He wasn't fast enough. His katana out, ready to defend. It clattered to the ground and the demon let her nails draw a quick line across Genya's collarbone. He flinched and tried to run but the demon was faster and brought her fist down. He heard his leg break and he collapsed onto the ground, helpless. He was crying. The demoness grinned and stood above him, ready to make him her meal. "Any last words? Oh wait, why am I asking my dinner that?" she said, sounding amused.

Genya crawled away slightly but she stomped onto his other leg and he couldn't move. He couldn't.. He was going to die for sure now.. He wasn't in a position to be able to eat any of the demon lady and he was sure to die with these injuries. "I'm sorry, Sanemi," he whispered, as the demon remarked on how weird his blood smelled but how she didn't care anyways.

She grabbed his head and, with one fast but equally agonizing movement, she ripped Genya's head off, taking his arms as well before leaving to find more prey. Genya was dead and there was nothing anybody could do to change that.

«3rd POV, Sanemi»

It wasn't a while until Sanemi heard of this. He'd never kept much track of Genya. Mostly tailing him every two months or so. He'd once even found the pitiful boy trying to find somebody to train him to be a demon slayer. Sometimes, but rarely, Sanemi felt the urge to volunteer. He always left the second any sort of thought like this entered his mind, though. But now.. now he wished he had taken him in. Because this was so bad. So, so bad. Genya. Genya, his brother, his only alive family member, the only person he truly cared about.. dead.

Dead like this mother. His siblings. His father. His friends. Dead like the hundreds of demons he's slaughtered. Dead. No. Why. WHY GENYA? OUT OF EVERYONE.. WHY.. Why.. Why Genya?? Why did it have to be him.. He couldn't.. he wouldn't.. No.. It was all his fault. If Sanemi hadn't just.. just been more careful.. more caring.. This was all his fault. Sanemi's fault and his own. 

He wouldn't even have known if it weren't for the crow he had sent out to find Genya coming back to inform him of this information. It was horrible. The way the crow had described it. Sanemi felt sick in the stomach all over again. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move. He couldn't.. he just couldn't. 

He was fucking useless. A Hashira who can't actually save anyone. He couldn't save his siblings. His mother. HIs friends. Masachika.. Genya.. Everybody.. He'd failed over and over. Would you believe that? How had he become a Hashira? Right. Because he'd killed one of the 12 kizuki. But at what cost? AT WHAT FUCKING COST??

No.. No he had to live. Keep living.. For.. for what? For who?.. He was alone, now. Alone. Everyone dead. Everyone. People dying. What the fuck was the point anymore. He.. he couldn't do it. His next mission he would.. he would let himself be killed. He refused to keep living.. There was no point.. No.. point..

{624}

THIS IS SO SHORT HELP

Again, originally posted on wattpad 😁

#sanemi #genya #kny #angst #short asf #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #woaoaow plot twist /j/srs #silly little thing i wrote

[shoot-of-corruption]

Here’s Atem on the couch, extending his arms out at Mariku. “Would you like to…. Lay your head in my lap? And if you allow, I could stroke your hair. No particular reason. Just felt like it.”

Mariku had just entered the premises after his time out in the realm...

His mind was sludgy, dark and tired while everything else felt better controlable, like his shell had been calibrated to perfection, but his insides had been left raw and bleeding out...

Ususlly he stayed far away from any people during that time, to get his head straight and lick his wounds, just feeling somewhat grounded, before having to portray something he simply wasn't.

Upon slipping out of the darkness this morning and watching the sun climb higher up the sky he had asked himself if that was even worth the fucking trouble anymore.

He couldn't be alone today.

When Atem looked at him like this inviting, warm, happy to see him... something inside of him shuddered and broke.

"..." He stared at the other for a moment, feeling just as lost as he probably looked in that empty doorway.

He felt like he had to dislodge something from his throat.

"Certainly... if it makes you happy." He said lowly and stepped forward into the living space calmly, somehow not like himself, sitting besides the other for a moment looking into his face, as if he wanted to see if Atem was alright.

Mariku lowered himself slowly, putting his head on the other ones thigh, simply shutting his brain down for a moment... he didn't know if coming here had been a fatal mistake or not, but he slipped a hand beneath one of Atem's thighs his thumb skirting slong the outside.

"... you know, I really used to hate when somebody touched my hair..." he said lowly, drawing small circles around the side of the other ones thigh.

"Just don't pull too hard." It was a soft warning for something a creature without a body didn't even have to worry about anymore. He was just... off-kilter... it would pass him by.

#ofthepuzzle #ic #ask #rp? #;w; #angsty

[cult-of-dollbabies]

how did nica come to learn about werewolves in the first place? does she have hope for a cure? how much of her life is consumed by hunting werewolves/helping andy?

This is gonna be a long one folks buckle up 🌙

Nica and her sister were raised by a close family friend of their dad's, the kind you'd consider an uncle. He made sure they knew their parents well enough, but he kept some secrets.. clearly not well. In her adolescence she first discovered hastily written notes on "bites" and the effects, when she'd been asked to grab a pen from the study and briefed through drawers. She couldn't help snooping, she was twelve.

She'd stay home to "watch the house" when she was really looking for what was hidden and piecing the story together. From what she understood her father was an accomplice in monster hunting, it was possible their guardian was too. Mainly, they spoke of lycanthropes, werewolves.

Nica was always one for logic, she remembers thinking this was all for an old game, perhaps something like role-playing? D&D? But they sounded so.. serious, certainly much more than you'd expect for a game. Besides, what she at first thought were 'props' found in far crevices of the basement were cold and rusty, and still bore dried blood. She chose to ignore them.

Nica stashed her information in secret, copying what was written on her own notes as just taking them might raise suspicion. She even copied the drawings the best she could, finding a near obsession with drawing the twisted figures. Along with the 'props' she understood now were real, authentic weapons and tools for capture. She kept a single silver bullet, she didn't know why exactly, maybe to keep her father close.

It still made no sense, monsters didn't exist, or did adults only tell children that so they'd sleep soundly? Did everyone's parents have some secret double, monster slaying life in the night? Maybe, maybe it was just a game, or maybe monsters do exist.

When their guardian passed away Nica & Barb inherented the house, full reign offered in his will made Nica feel less guilty for the years of sneaking around, if she was being honest he probably knew for a long time. And for the first time she was free to investigate whenever, and wherever she wanted. Barb already moved out by the time of his passing, but she came to assist Nica in clearing some of his things and finally Nica got to keep the real notes, and ahold of the contents of the highest shelves.

One of them being a cardboard mailer, containing a single hard drive with the word "laluna" taped to its side.

__

I mean.. wouldn't anyone hope for a cure? It's not something so simple and Nica knows it, the only known "cure" is only an antidote for the initial infection and cannot be used to treat the curse itself. And theres nothing quite like it, burrows into a hosts genetic makeup like a tick and reprograms the whole system. Affecting and changing the very biology is unheard of, and as far as anyone knows so is simply lifting it like an average curse.

Nica experiments, she doesn't know if that thread of hope is worth hanging onto, though. The best she can do is the elixirs, and she refrains from suggesting a cure around Andy, not that he'd think it possible she wouldn't want to give him false hope. It's a sad, quiet mess, but what can you do?

__

Her actual hunting days were short as a blink, Nicas pursuit for a werewolf that night was the affects of mania. She studied them from curiosity and after the slaughter of her family she spiraled hard. She knew how to track them, how to bait them, she figured she knew well enough, she could do this, but she was no hunter. She came close to it, but she couldn't.. kill somebody. Even if they didn't look human at the moment.

Instead since moving in with them she's taken to her father's past position, she tracks the unchipped lycans and does risk calculations for Kyle so things run quicker, now concocting her own brand of tranquilizers and laced weapons. Sure she could sell them in the future. Recently Andy's taken an interest and Nica has been showing him how she does it, they all knew he's felt more less of a drag now hes unable to join Kyle and the second set of hands would be a great help.

Nica is very skilled in her craft, the hunting supplies for the next moon can be done through the month, its just like having a job. Andy only requires the one or two things, unless there's an emergency, so he's actually the least of a hassle Nica is quick to assure when he feels it wastes her time, "how could my time be wasted when I'm here spending it with you?"

#mending amends #Andy a lil more at peace #thanks for the ask :) #abomination #asks #nica pierce #andy barclay

[shieldkeeper]

FFXIVWrite2022: Prompt 24

Writing Prompt: VICISSITUDES Words: 757

Sullen lavender eyes stared down at a letter in hand. A long letter listing praises and platitudes alongside an upcoming missive that would require his presence. Put in tentative words that it was but a simple request, but one knew better given the official Twin Adder’s stamp and the Elder Seedseer’s signature besides.

“They should know better than to…” Garen’s words muttered off into some choice swears, his grip growing tense before tossing the damned thing off to the side. So, so tempted to rip the piece of parchment into many tiny pieces… but knowing that would do no one any good save for a shameful cleanup later.

“What is it this time?” A certain Totsuka slid in beside Garen on the couch, swift in whisking the letter off from beside his partner. “News from your grand company? I thought you’d quit.”

“I did.” Garen groaned, shaking his head into his hands. “They know I called for a leave of absence and to not be so much as bothered—”

“So you didn’t resign exactly?”

“No…”

“You should expect sooner or later they’d come looking then.” Totsu’s tone was more matter of fact than anything else. He knew well much of the troubles Garen has attempted to escape in the past many moons and summers. This was but the latest attempts of trying to draw the poor man back in to the thick of things.

Garen exhaled deeply. “Maybe I should check out what it’s about. Even the Seedseer is asking of my presence.”

“But do you really want to go? Do you really want to do this?” Totsu flashed a roll of the eyes. “If it were something so important or dire, they would send someone for you—mayhaps even a personal call on the linkpearl. They’re probably trying to test the waters.”

“You’re probably right…” Garen slowly took his head out of his hands, a pout on his face as he looked over to Totsuka and the letter in hand. “I still don’t know if I wish to be that ‘somebody’ for everyone to rely on.”

“It nearly broke you.” Totsu reminded with a wag of his finger. “It’s a difficult change I’m sure, but you earned this respite. If you don’t want to be called on anymore, simply don’t.”

‘Just don’t’ was enough to make Garen squirm and tug tightly at his garb. Helping others is all he’s ever done! And to ignore that call—it was so painful to bear at times. Yet each time Totsuka reminded him of what he’d lost from doing just that.

His freedom. His drive. His own sanity. Sometimes he’d be gravely injured. Or he would need endure injustices for the sake of peace. If there was one thing he’d learned about Garen, it was that the man had his own sense of justice and going against his grain had risk for greater troubles.

“I know I should… I know…” Despite all he’d been through, he also knew he could not simply squander all that has been given to him. And so much had been given to him. A legacy from a lifetime ago. The expectations to head into the future and uphold a new legacy of peace. He could do that much!

…But what if the star once again had needed of him?

Totsuka’s hand fell upon his and dragged him back into reality. A rare stern look on his face—typically one to leave Garen to his own devices, but always ready to butt in if he took too much on his plate again.

“Unless you truly must, focus on what it is you wanted to do. You wanted to get away and that’s what you did. You want to travel the world and find a place to settle, but not on the word of some higher authority. Isn’t that right?”

“You’re right, you’re right… and I should really keep to what I decided.”

It was so hard. So difficult to take in this change of pace. But for what it was worth, it was nice to think he no longer feared he would end up a fully broken man. He was healing. Slowly but surely. If he could keep this going and truly allow his mental state to recover, it would be all worthwhile. Returning now would only hurt him further. Years passed or no.

“Rip it to shreds for me, would you? No matter their problems, I’m sure they can figure it out on their own. Tis time they grew up without me anyways.”

#ffxivwrite2020 #ffxivwrite #FFXIV #writing

[a-smile-dat-spreads-like-buttah]

This is what happens when I feel feels.

I write sad things. Here’s Kloppman finding out that Charlie is being sent away to live in a group shelter to protect her from her brothers’ bad influences, packing her things in his own suitcase so that he’s sure she has everything important, and then being there with the boys when she’s taken away. Lots of angst. You’ve been warned. 

@dimenovelhero

@birdhouse-in-thesoul

@suchmayhem

@deafandstoned 

@petpsycho 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the social worker showed up at the little New York City orphanage with legal papers to remove one of his residents, Kloppman looked him over carefully. He didn't trust just anyone with his charges; he had gotten a call from the school that there had been some trouble, some fight that involved most of his kids, but it was all spelled out by this stranger with his cold eyes and vacant smile. It was all to protect Crutchie. Somebody had hurt Crutchie, a pair of somebodies that he knew by name due to their penchant for causing problems for his kids, and the others had stepped in to stop them, to protect their own. Sure, his boys caused plenty of trouble, but the world gave them plenty of trouble, too… trouble that they didn't deserve. His wary frown quickly turned to disbelief, though, at the social worker's conclusion that Crutchie needed to be protected from her brothers' violent tendencies; it would only get her in trouble, he said, and so moving her away from them, cutting off all contact was the best option, really, so that she could have a secure future. 

Kloppman was dumbfounded. He tried to protest, but he was in such shock that he couldn't find words to get his point across, and he knew it wouldn't matter anyways. The law had its ways, and was often as inescapable as the Delanceys' fists.

The social worker indicated a pair of black garbage bags that he carried, adding that he had come for the Morris girl's things, but Kloppman stopped him and said it wasn't necessary. He wouldn't let this stranger embarrass her like this. He wouldn't give him the chance to deprive her of any keepsakes of home that she could cling to in the future, as if separating her from the only family she knew loved her the way she loved them wasn't bad enough… but he didn't say that. He simply went into his office for a moment, and returned with an old but well cared for leather suitcase… his… but he didn't say that, either. "I will pack her things, if you'll let me. I'll only be a moment or two." 

He didn't want to let him, but Kloppman insisted, in his quiet way, and finally was allowed to go back to the dormitories without the social worker following him. He didn't know how he was able to get away with any of this, really, but he didn't have time to think on that. He folded drawings and notes so very gently and slipped them into a small zippered pocket in the inside of the suitcase, tucked away just enough that if the social worker decided to go through her things, he would hopefully miss those precious pieces of paper. He folded her clothes neatly, and packed them all nicely inside, along with her hat and a stuffed cat she'd had as long as she'd been at that little orphanage, and a flannel she had "stolen" from Jack ages and ages ago. He chose to leave out one of her own flannels in place of the one of Jack's… Jack might take comfort in it, and he knew she'd take comfort in having something of Jack's. 

There wasn't room for much, but he made sure all of the most important things were packed. While he went through her little trunk, he found another stack of papers, and looked through it briefly, before tucking it all gently in his pocket. He saw at least one sweet note to Jack that the girl had either been saving or too embarrassed and hesitant to pass on. He would pass it on for her, and he was pretty sure she would be ok with it. She knew Jack so well that she would want to do anything in the world to keep him from blaming himself and feeling like she abandoned him. There was a note, too, that she had given to Kloppman himself some time back, after a previous threat of separation that she had made him pinky promise to pass along in the case of something like this happening, and of course, he promised to do so. He saw how close they were. He knew how this would crush them both. 

For a moment, he paused to think about this little girl (almost his little girl, in a way), and how she came to him with tears in her eyes, giving him the letter and so solemnly telling him what to do with it, should the worst happen… because this was the worst. He couldn't imagine walking on eggshells, knowing that someday, any day, for no reason at all, she could be ripped from this little accumulated family, the only people she had had for so long, and be made to never see them again. He drew a notebook from her things, abd a pencil, and scrawled a quick note to her on the front page that he hoped could help, before tucking it inside the case and shutting it tight, and then making his way out of the dormitories and to the lobby where the social workers still waited with their stony smiles. Before going to them, though, he went back to his office to grab his wallet and keys. 

One of the social workers looked at him suspiciously. "And where are you going?"

Kloppman hesitated for a moment, looking his age and older, before looking up to make eye contact with the questioner. "I'm goin' to check on an' be with those boys. They'll need somebody with 'em, an' I reckon they'll need an early ride home from school. An' they'll need hugs an' somebody ta tell 'em why somebody took their sister away." 

The social worker's eyes hardened, and he tilted his head to the side. "Now, Mr… what was it? Kloppman?... the law says-"

"I don't care." He was quick to interject, having had plenty of practice getting a word in edgewise in a house of boys. "I don’t care what the law says. Jus' because the law says it don't mean it's right." The social worker started to try and reply, but Kloppman shook his head. "You can say what you want, about this helpin' her, about this protectin' her from them, but those boys'd never hurt her. They love her too much. I see it ev'ryday. An' good gried, she loves 'em back, jus' the same. This is wrong, an' these kids've been wronged enough, but because the law says so, yaddah yaddah yaddah… It don't make any diff'rence what I say, Johnny Law will do as he wants, but I'll be damned if I leave those boys to struggle with this by themselves, an' I hope ta God you have somebody to comfort that girl, 'cause she'll be crushed, an' you don't give a damn." And with that, he handed off the case, and left the house, holding the door open for the social worker before locking it behind them to go to his car. 

-------------------------------------------

When he got to the school, he was glad to see that the social worker seemed to be waiting, alone, just outside, the suitcase sat at his feet. When he joined him, the cold smile was gone, but the chill remained in his voice as he told Kloppman how all of this was going to go down and how Kloppman wasn't to interfere… Kloppman just nodded. He didn't have anything else to say. Thankfully, the social worker was willing to send him into the room where the kids were being held first, where he would tell Charlie that somebody needed to talk to her, and then stay with the boys while she was being taken away. 

He didn’t make eye contact with any of the police officers or the school officials or anybody when he started into the school lobby; he just made a beeline for the room where his kids were at, but he hesitated at the door. He hated that he had to do this. He hated that this was happening at all. He hated that he couldn’t do anything to stop it… but hopefully he could keep it from being as bad. God, he hoped so. 

When the door opened, all of the kids jumped, with Jack, who was sitting next to a rather busted up Charlie and holding her hand, managed to push himself in front of her, and it broke Kloppman’s heart even more. He was sure that the kids could tell something was wrong, but he really was doing everything he could do to hide it, but this hurt him, too… and he had to act like it didn’t. 

“Heya, kids…” He looked around at all of them with a grave expression that he did his best to force into a smile. He didn’t scold them, but he usually tried not to when he could help it. What they had done made sense, and they didn’t know how bad it all was, so there was no reason to make it worse. After a moment, he let his eyes settle on Charlie as she sat amongst her brothers, shaking and looking so very small. He studied her for a moment, hesitating, before looking down at the floor and hesitating some more, before looking up to make eye contact with her. She had gone shades paler and was holding tighter to Jack’s hand. “Charlie, somebody needs to talk to you outside, ok?”

She had this feeling, deep down, that this wasn’t going to be nice, but she gave a gulp and a nod, before looking at Jack for a long moment and then pulling him into a surprisingly tight, desperate hug that she clearly never wanted to end… but then she had to break out of it, out of his arms, to look around at the others and stand with Kloppman’s help.

“It’ll be alright, kid…��� Jack said with a sharp look, that made her head whip back to look at him for a long moment, even as her eyes filled with tears and her lower lip trembled. “We’ll see ya later, an’ ev’rythin’ll be alright…” Or he hoped so. He didn’t like the look on Kloppman’s face, but he didn’t want to make Crutchie even more upset. He gave a little sniff, and looked at Charlie for just a moment longer, before ducking his head to hide the worry in his eyes. 

Kloppman gave Charlie a soft look and a quick hug before opening the door for her so that she could step out. God, he hated this. 

He heard the social worker talking, and then he heard Charlie’s hurt gasp as she started to beg with the man. Her protestations grew louder as the chaos built, and all the boys were on their feet, ready to fight. She yelled out for Jack by name, who lunged toward the door, only to be held and hugged by Kloppman who continued to stand in front of the door, now crying himself. 

“Charlie!” Jack called back to her as she tried so hard to fight her way away from the social worker, and then the police officers as she hit at them with her crutch and squirmed so desperately, before finally having her wrists locked in handcuffs and being very roughly being picked up and taken out of the school, while the social worker followed calmly behind it all.

Kloppman could feel Jack’s quiet sobs, and he knew that Charlie’s louder, desperate ones from the other side of the door would haunt him for the rest of his life. Jack sank to his knees, continuing to cry, and Kloppman went with him as the boy finally began to cling to him, and the man himself started to cry himself.

#bare au #nightmare on elm street au #stay gold: the outsiders au #would canon 92sies kloppman care this much? i choose to think so #i have started to have kloppman headcanons and now you all get to share my pain #deafandstoned #suchmayhem #dimenovelhero #petpsycho #birdhouse in thesoul

[8bitandbey0nd]

I can’t help but love the cover of Blue Sky Noise by Circa Survive.

In any other scenario this would be an image that disturbs most of its viewers but instead when paired with the album it has a sense of comfort and familiarity.

A creature that can’t fully be understood that is trying to eat the person it is behind. It lays its hands on them almost as if comforting them but we can see what it’s true intentions. It makes you wonder if the person staring at us knows their fate too? Simply waiting for something we won’t get to witness. The creature has human characteristics but still is part deer, an animal which is usually seen as gentle, capable of the destruction humanity is known for. It also carries a horn which is commonly depicted either before a large battle or with angels adding another double meaning to a creature already so full of them. It has a rainbow leaving its back. Something of beauty that can only appear after it rains. Lastly are its wings, which appear to be angelic but are instead attached to a creature of deceit.

Now onto our person. They appear androgynous the more I look at it and I like that. It feels as if anyone could find themselves in a scenario where they could be betrayed by something that was supposed to be safe but instead has been twisted into something dangerous and near unrecognizable. Their hand is covered in healed scars as it clutches their robes as if showing us their other arm which also appears scarred and reddened, possibly by a scenario similar to the one they currently find themself in. Speaking of their clothes, they wear robes that appear roman or greek which were both times riddled with betrayal and deceit. Their eyes are also gray and foggy as if they have already passed away yet they also appear to be staring back at us, the viewer.

I also appreciate its finishing touches like how all of that I just said ties into the lyrics of the songs and its themes such as loneliness, alienation, and feeling lost. The background of the piece also ties the whole thing together. You can’t tell which way is up with the ground and trees appearing on all sides and clouds that twist in all directions.

I also think there’s something beautiful about how human this is. If an AI had drawn this there would be no purpose. It would simply be an image of someone with a disfigured monster behind them since the AI can’t comprehend what it’s supposed to draw, but instead every brushstroke has intent behind it. It all was drawn by somebody who wanted to draw this and drew this exactly how they wanted. How spent the time and energy to draw such a beautiful piece of art.

Anyways, listen to this album wherever you listen to music and have a good day. Laters!

#circa survive #Blue Sky noise #art #art discussion #music #beauty #on letting go #juturna #ramblings

[firstyearseminar6]

Final Paper

Winning the White House With Hate (1616)

Today, political parties will do just about anything to get people into the voting booth. They know that if they can get their political base to get up and vote for anything at all, those people will end up voting for the party on every other issue that they don’t care about, hence the phrase “straight-ticket (republican/democrat)”. This has led to the rise of reactionary politics, most especially from the right-wing GOP. For example, a mildly democratic person might feel empowered to vote this year when they normally would not, only because they believe in abortion. Once that person gets their ballot, however, they’re sure to vote straight-ticket blue, because while they’re really only there for abortion as a single-issue voter, they still are a part of the Democratic political base, and are highly likely to vote in favor of the Democrats on other issues. These people are worth their weight in gold to political parties, who will do anything and everything in their power to convince them to go to the voting booth on election day. Democrats will campaign hard for abortion rights this year, because it draws support from across the country, including from those who do not usually vote. For decades, the GOP’s reactionary issue has been about blocking abortion, stopping immigration, and other classic right-wing issues. Now, the GOP has found a new target. In this essay, I will argue that the right is using identity politics as a way to scapegoat and delegitimize LGBTQ people, as well as take away their fundamental right to exist, all with the end goal of empowering the right-wing political base.

A good place to begin is the history of the GOP’s treatment of LGBTQ people. For decades, they demonized gay people, and fought tooth and nail to prevent gay marriage with laws like the “Defense of Marriage Act” (DOMA), which banned federal recognition of same-sex marriages. It was only neutralized in 2015 by the US Supreme Court ruling of Obergefell v. Hodges, which “concluded in the establishment that same-sex marriage was a fundamental right that must be granted and recognized by all 50 states, the District of Columbia, and other US territories.” (Stein-Alvarado). This meant that the right to same-sex marriage was immediately granted to Americans across the country, regardless of their own state’s local laws. It was stating that the constitution’s existing laws were enough to legalize gay marriage, and that all laws to the contrary were unenforcible. The DOMA was only repealed in 2022 by the Respect for Marriage Act (RFMA), which was heavily pushed by Democrats, especially Joe Biden, who previously voted in favor of the DOMA back in 1996 (GovTrack). So far, I have neglected the homophobic elephant in the room, and a GOP favorite, Ronald Regan. He is, of course, directly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of gay men to the AIDS epidemic (Tumulty), as well as being the first person with Altzheimer’s to handle nuclear launch codes (Pilkington). In the years since the DOMA passed, acceptance of gay marriage grew, making attacking it today less of a winning issue.

Despite the current Democratic president, the GOP is hard at work delegitimizing LGBTQ people. Specifically, they have used the age-old argument of “won’t somebody think of the children?”. If you turn on Fox News, all you hear about is how children are reading books in school with gay people in them, as though that would somehow turn them gay. The campaigns aren’t limited to television, either. The rise of social media has given advertisers the ability to target advertisements towards narrow and exact audiences, meaning that many Democrats aren’t even seeing the full scope of the campaign the GOP is pushing. Much of the work is being pushed by Florida Governor and barely-candidate for President, Ron DeSantis. He has paved the way with law after law attacking queer people for simply existing, and has used the opportunity to run campaign ads celebrating doing so, using social media (ABC News). He has passed laws to out transgender students to their parents, and fought to censor the mention of any gender or sexual health topics in schools. This constant demonization of queer people to Republicans has really made me feel the target that they have taped to my back. 32 transgender people were murdered because of their identity last year in the US, and with the increasing calls for violence against queer people like me, I can’t help but feel worried (Schoenbaum).

Getting the right-wing political base empowered and angry at LGBTQ people isn’t the only effect of this campaign. Transgender people themselves are being delegitimized and undermined as people, because just as banning marriage for gay people or banning gay teachers from schools undermined gay people’s legitimacy as people, banning transgender people from using the correct restroom or playing sports undermines their legitimacy as people as well. In addition, the banning of the mere mention of the existence of LGBTQ people to schoolchildren also undermines their legitimacy as people. If you didn’t hear about or see an entire type of person until middle school, you would certainly think of them differently than if you had simply seen and accepted them since birth. LGBTQ people moving out and fleeing states where GOP campaigns against them are occuring only helps improve the margins by which the right wins elections in those areas, though that’s more of a convenient side-effect than the end goal.

The GOP is looking to push their reactionary state policies on the nation. Despite the GOP’s constant criticisms of “democrats pushing identity politics”, they sure do campaign hard against LGBTQ identifying people. A huge battleground for this has been Florida, where laws targeting LGBTQ people have been very successful politically for their governor, who enjoys wide support among his constituents (Mason-Dixon Polling and Strategy). During his campaign for president, he has boasted about his actions against LGBTQ people to potential voters. With the GOP attempting to push their anti-LGBT policies on the rest of the country, California could end up subject to the same discriminatory laws that Florida is under. Recently, Former Vice President and former candidate for president Mike Pence explained that he wanted to pass “a federal ban on transgender chemical or surgical surgery (sic) anywhere in the country” (Racker), which would effectively ban my existence, though Pence proved to unpopular among the political base for other unrelated reasons, and has subsequently dropped out of the race.

Part of the problem is that the spot for president looks ripe for the taking. President Joe Biden is really, really old. If you have watched one of his speeches recently, you’ll know that he talks and looks like a grandfather, and it’s looking like he’s going to be going up against whoever the GOP frontrunner is. Desantis is 45 years old, which puts him on the younger side of politicians in this country, which makes him very appealing to swing voters, simply because of his age. President Joe Biden was 25 years old when interracial marriage bans were declared unconstitutional, and he married his first wife at a time when 16 states in the country, mostly in the South, banned him from marrying a person of another race. Donald Trump is just 4 years younger than Biden, making him 21 years old when interracial marriage bans were lifted, though if you watch a speech from Trump compared to Biden, Trump looks far less like a grandpa. To say that we need younger leadership in the government would be an understatement, though that’s not to say that we need more people like Desantis. The democrats really should have pushed for a younger candidate this time around, though that ship has sailed by now. 

If the GOP can get enough of their political base to go to the polls this year, they could win. The combination of using anti-LGBTQ laws as a method of empowering the right-wing political base, as well as the pushing of younger candidates has created a ripe opportunity for far-right candidates to push their own campaigns at the expense of the rights and legitimacy of LGBTQ people, and while this is nothing new compared to the historical moves of the GOP, it’s an especially pressing issue in the present day. By pitting their political base against the much-smaller LGBTQ community, the right is killing two birds with one stone by not only causing queer people to leave the state, but also by encouraging the right-wing political base to vote in favor of the politicians pushing these policies. The repeated demonization of LGBTQ people has done real harm, not only to those living in the states where these laws are passed, but also across the country due to the rise of social media allowing the influence of these actions to spread across borders.

In conclusion, the actions taken against LGBTQ people by the right, especially those vying for power, are harmful and dangerous. We can see this most clearly with presidential candidate Ron Desantis, whose anti-LGBTQ laws have followed in the footsteps of the GOP of previous decades (Eskridge 1337). In addition, his laws in the state of Florida have inspired other states to follow in his lead, with 22 other states having passed anti-transgender legislation recently (Gabriel). It all comes together to form a hostile political climate against people like me that I have never seen before, and the 2024 presidential election is shaping up to be a heated battle, one that affects me whether I like it or not, because if the GOP wins, their draconian laws aimed at delegitimizing queer people will impact every state, not just those ran by the right.

Works Cited

Atterbury, Andrew. "DeSantis Targets Trans Health Care in Florida Universities." POLITICO, 18 Jan. 2023, www.politico.com/news/2023/01/18/desantis-trans-health-care-florida-universities-00078435. Accessed 2 Oct. 2023.

Chait, Jonathan. "Marjorie Taylor Greene Blamed Wildfires on Secret Jewish Space Laser." Intelligencer, 28 Jan. 2021, nymag.com/intelligencer/article/marjorie-taylor-greene-qanon-wildfires-space-laser-rothschild-execute.html. Accessed 6 Oct. 2023.

Drescher, Jack. "From Bisexuality to Intersexuality." Contemporary Psychoanalysis, vol. 43, no. 2, 2007, pp. 204-228, sites.oxy.edu/ron/csp19/readings/Bisex2Intersex2007.pdf. Accessed 6 Oct. 2023.

Eskridge, Jr., William N. "Sexual and Gender Variation in American Publiclaw: From Malignant to Benign to Productive." UCLA Law Review, 2010, pp. 1333-1373, sites.oxy.edu/ron/csp19/2010/Eskridge-sexualand%20gendervariation-2010.pdf. Accessed 6 Oct. 2023.

"Florida Advances Bill That Advocates Say Will Out LGBTQ+ Students." Advocate.com, 23 Apr. 2021, www.advocate.com/youth/2021/4/23/florida-advances-bill-advocates-say-will-out-lgbtq-students. Accessed 2 Oct. 2023.

Gabriel, Trip. "After Roe, Republicans Sharpen Attacks on Gay and Transgender Rights." The New York Times, 22 July 2022, www.nytimes.com/2022/07/22/us/politics/after-roe-republicans-sharpen-attacks-on-gay-and-transgender-rights.html. Accessed 2 Oct. 2023.

Leonhardt, David. "The Right’s Violence Problem." The New York Times, 17 May 2022, www.nytimes.com/2022/05/17/briefing/right-wing-mass-shootings.html. Accessed 2 Oct. 2023.

Racker, Mini. "The Biggest Moments From the Second Republican Debate." Time, 28 Sept. 2023, time.com/6318154/second-republican-debate-biggest-moments/. Accessed 2 Oct. 2023.

Schoenbaum, Hannah. "Report: at Least 32 Transgender People Killed in US in 2022." US News & World Report, 16 Nov. 2022, www.usnews.com/news/us/articles/2022-11-16/report-at-least-32-transgender-people-killed-in-us-in-2022. Accessed 2 Oct. 2023.

Stein-Alvarado, Ray. "Final Paper." RaysFYSBlogWithAGreatTitle, 4 Dec. 2023, downloadfreeramtoday.blogspot.com/2023/12/final-paper.html. Accessed 12 Dec. 2023.

Tumulty, Karen. "Nancy Reagan’s Real Role in the AIDS Crisis." The Atlantic, 26 Aug. 2021, www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2021/04/full-story-nancy-reagan-and-aids-crisis/618552/. Accessed 6 Oct. 2023.

ABC News. "DeSantis campaign shares video on LGBTQ rights." YouTube, 3 July 2023, www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECGtwu7h6qw. Accessed 4 Dec. 2023.

G, Liv. "You May Kiss the Bride in Fifty-Six Years." Google Docs, 19 Nov. 2023, docs.google.com/document/d/1Mpw3UCNazBoKSU-QE9cD5EzTjkdXPDrz6coZ__2wZ2E/edit. Accessed 4 Dec. 2023.

GovTrack. "H.R. 3396 (104th): Defense of Marriage Act -- Senate Vote #280 -- Sep 10, 1996." GovTrack.us, www.govtrack.us/congress/votes/104-1996/s280. Accessed 4 Dec. 2023.

Mason-Dixon Polling and Strategy. "March 2023 Florida Poll." POLITICO, www.politico.com/f/?id=00000187-4a1a-d754-adef-6b7eed270000. Accessed 4 Dec. 2023.

Pilkington, Ed. "Ronald Reagan Had Alzheimer's While President, Says Son." The Guardian, 17 Jan. 2011, www.theguardian.com/world/2011/jan/17/ronald-reagan-alzheimers-president-son. Accessed 4 Dec. 2023.

Citizenship/Legitimacy

Historical events affecting the LGBT community

Contemporary LGBT rights controversies during (and with) the Biden Administration

Identity Politics/essentialism

[crazycrackersworld]

You, the absolute unmitigated subject of my ire. I would say that even a small part of me would hope that whatever tests you had done today come back with good results, but that would be an absolute lie. My disgust, disrespect, and hatred of you, simply grows not by every day not by every hour not by every minute but literally by every second that you continue to draw breath.

The sins that you have accrued are absolutely unforgivable to myself. You have the opportunity to be with an amazing, most of the time, woman and you can't express how you feel about her until you find out that I'm coming back. And then by expressing those feelings basically set my world on fire, although I bounced back pretty quick and pretty well. Or getting on a plane to fly to a different state on her fucking birthday. Being on faithful, but then having the unmitigated gall to accuse her of being out "whoring". Allowing friends of yours to express their disapproval of her directly to her face and I would guess making that disapproval known to you as well and doing nothing about it. Or when I myself was getting out of line and you were asked by this person to tell me to leave her alone and from 1500 miles away you couldn't even send a text or a voicemail or anything to remotely stand up like a man. And then the most recent I mean, I cannot even fathom how it's even possible to say somebody else's name in bed after about 2 and 1/2 years.

And there's more there's so much more there are things I've heard, things that have been told to me, I have eyes and ears that you have no idea of the details about your life that I know you would probably piss yourself. But all told the sins that you have accumulated I cannot even calculate them.

And as I've said before I don't really expect anything to change anytime soon, or more likely ever. But one thing I can say that is not going to change ever is how I feel about you and how when not if, but when the day comes that I smite you down with all of the wrath Of heaven and Hell and Karma behind me I will actually feel righteous in doing so.

I consider your very existence to be an afront against all honest to goodness men everywhere. My ability to tolerate you get smaller and smaller with each passing day and I truly believe that whatever health concerns you have right now are truly Karma and you deserve whatever it is because one reaps what they sow.

All of these thoughts have been swirling through my head for a few days now, and I've had some rough nights as far as sleep goes so I decided to get them off my chest. I am hoping by doing so that perhaps this evening I can get more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep because I have unloaded all of this negativity and I've said it out loud and hopefully that makes it easier to deal with.

My life is honestly and truly so much better now than it was two and a half years ago, but it's also worse at the same time. In the way that it's worse is I have the best friend, and she can be amazing and I've seen her be strong and resourceful and just absolutely radiant in her confidence and just as a person. And you have managed to help my best friend regress into somebody that sometimes I don't even recognize anymore and for that you should pay and pay dearly.

And sometimes it feels like nothing I've ever done or nothing I've ever said or none of it is mattered to that person, and I I know that part of those feelings are just my own head but I also know part of them are because of you and there's only one word that I can use to describe what's going to happen to you someday. There's only one word that can truly encapsulate what I'm looking for.

Justice

#justice #payback #vengeance