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#if someone comes into my inbox to tell me that the original quote is actually 'magic mirror on the wall'
pansyfemme · 5 months
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jude + he/him + nineteen
f2m fem transfag who wears dresses and enjoys colors occasionally. i’m a sophomore art student and i have a really intense interest in obscure indie pop and post a lot of spotify links as a result. i made a few popular posts and now im cursed to having many eyes on me but im staying silly with it.
Art: @fagboyfriend
Twee/Indie Pop blog : @upforabit
selfies are under: #Jude pansyfem irl
putting a short faq under cut bc. i get the same questions a lot. check it before you ask about my icon or header or anything
faq:
How long have you been on T/How do you have a beard at 19? I came out at 12 years old, started blockers at 14 and HRT later that same year, and had top surgery at 17, making me 5 years on t and 2.5 years post op.
What show/game/comic is your icon from? its a cropped version of the album cover of the 1999 album “shake the pounce” by vancouver based twee pop band Gaze. It’s a favorite album of mine as well as just a cool little guy i like a lot
Where is your header from? a painting i did in gouache a year or two ago and thought would make a nifty header.
Oh come on, you’re not unboyfriendable! “unboyfriendable” has been my title for a long time now on account of it being a lyric from a song that means a lot to me, “all my little words” by the magnetic fields. i promise i am very fuckable im just really into sad music sometimes
How do I refer to you? Actually, i don't get this question a lot, and I shouldn't, since this info is both in my pinned above and in my bio. But a lot of people still seem awful confused. I am male. FTM. I use He/Him pronouns and masculine terms with the exception of compliments like 'pretty' and all that. I am not nonbinary, and do not like to be referred to gender neutrally. I simply am a trans man who enjoys gender non conformity and cross-dressing.
Are you Bi or Gay? this world is full of beauty. im queer. take that how you will. I generally consider myself open to any gender as long as they’re trans, (i am strictly t4t.) but still identify pretty strongly with being a queer guy in the way that i do like other men.
What style are you wearing/where do you get your clothes? I started by wearing my personal version of the japanese fashion subculture Decora Kei. My decora became a bit messy and grungy, and while i do still identify as a decora boy and wear full coords from time to time, i consider myself now someone who enjoys colorful fashion and takes influence from 90s harajuku fashion, punk subcultures, drag and other campy fashion. I shop a variety of places, but a lot of my stuff is from Kei Collective or Candy Trap.
What is Twee/Do you Make Music? Twee is a music genre I developed a special interest in a few years back. It's a style of indie pop that originated after the UK rise of the famous c86 compilation tape in the late eighties, and was developed with a focus on low-fidelity, diy sound combined with upbeat, bubblegum-y pop sentiments and a naive, childlike outlook. It's both cute and somewhat rough around the edges. I do not make music, and don’t hold any musical skill. I’m just a major fan.
Do you take commissions? you may direct all art related questions to my art blog inbox, but for the time being, please just dm me for commission info. I take them on a case by case basis currently, im a full time student and have a lot on my plate. I’ll let you know my availability and pricing upon request, but i generally prefer the ‘you tell me your vision, i give you a quote and you tell me if that works for you’ model of pricing because each peice is considered its own thing in my mind. Pricing for ‘full body’ or ‘lineart’ doesnt work for me beacause the media and subject doesn’t really dictate how much time or effort a peice will take for me.
Can you boost/reblog this post for me? This is a tough answer, i know, but if we are not mutuals, or I do not know you, I cannot do that for you. My reasoning being that I have been baited by very similar asks in the past that turned out to be scams, and I do not want to take the risk of spreading misinformation or scams now that I have a much larger following. I do my best to spread stuff that ends up on my dash and/or I can factcheck, but if I do not have that, I will be wary, considering my past interactions.
Can we be friends/Can I DM you? Anyone is welcome to send me a message of any type at any time, unless I have those settings changed, in which case i likely have it off short term, because i experience fairly regular transphobic harassment and i find it the best way to protect myself. However, just understand that I am a stranger on the internet. I don't always want to continue every conversation, and I'm not online all the time. I have all push notifications for tumblr turned off, including asks and dms, because it's much better for my mental health to be able to opt out of tumblr the moment I close the app. So, if i don't respond, i'm probably just doing something else or didn't see your message. And, if you come in full force flirtatiously, i appriciate it greatly and i'm sure i'll let you know, but i'm pretty shy one on one. Additionally, i may not respond if you're a blank blog, way older or younger than me, or honestly.. anything that makes me uncomfortable. so like. all of these are pretty basic rules but, people don't follow them so i must clarify.
Do you have a DNI? I haven't in a long time, due to it being pretty frequently ignored and my following count growing to the point i can't really control that anymore. I can and will block people, but i feel my opinions are made fairly clear through what I post here.
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stumpwentz · 3 months
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hi from princess's anon inbox! here for ab/ap reverse order! It has totally changed my thoughts on Jet Pack Blues. Hearing it come after 4th of july is, eye opening. If 4th of july is the break-up song and Jet pack blues comes two songs after, it sounds like the fallout of the breakup and the She's singing "baby come home" in a melody of tears hits different. I saw you comment that female POV in songs is Pete and now I'm like wait who is She, who is Her? Are they the same, are they not? The song has always had me a bit tangled up to begin with and now maybe more so.
Help it feels like Headfirst Slide three people pronoun jumbling all over again!
hi oh my god anon i cannot believe i completely forgot to answer you 😭 i. don't remember how long it's been im so sorry i had some of this drafted but forgot to finish and post it 😭
abap reverse is my BABY she means the world to me, like after listening to her so many times it feels so weird to go from immortals into twins now instead of twins into immortals and that's so fun because twins is so obviously the album ender i mean:
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but a fun thing to me is just that like, in reverse order it makes immortals feel like an expansion on everything that's happening in twins, it continues the story. the people in twins aren't at a complete impasse because they still keep this going and nothing really ends, and by reverse order instead finishing with irresistible it makes irresistible feel like a decision whereas twins feels so uncertain 'i don't want to remember the promises we made' 'there's a room in a hotel in new york city that shares our fate' but what IS that fate, twins doesn't show us the fate. irresistible is, on the other hand, extremely determined and sure of itself. 'coming in unannounced' 'i didn't come for a fight but i will fight til the end' 'too many rounds in the ring and not enough settled scores' 'i'm coming for you and i'm making war'... part of the reason i'm also bringing up irresistible and twins together is because the 'original lyrics' of immortals are reused in irresistible*, which if you're following me on immortals being a continuation... well the connection is so obvious
* the video here & pete confirming the lyrics were a different version:
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the lyrics in question:
I tell my love to take it, take it easy on you But I'm not making any p-promises to you Too many war wounds and not, not enough wars Too many rounds in the ring, and not settled scores
okay so back to your original point about jet pack blues and fourth of july, firstly, i love you jet pack blues. secondly though i totally agree that putting it after fourth makes the aspects of a break up so much more pronounced. putting it in this context i think really highlights just how desperate, how lonely, jet pack blues really is. from 'i don't want to remember' in twins, with the way fourth is apologising 'i'm sorry i didn't mean any of it, i just got too lonely'... all of it serves to really make jet pack blues HIT when it repeats 'baby come home (i remember)' and asks. did you ever love her?, 'i said i'd never miss you' after all. which is where the whole switching pronoun thing you mentioned comes in, she, you/honey, and i. except i think personally, and this is my own interpretation but this whole thing is so 🤷‍♀️, but i think the split is that she and honey are the same, and the 'you' in verses is the same as she and honey, but the 'you' in the chorus is self directed. with 'i remember' being in parenthesis it implies a level of hiding, you remember but are you actually telling this person that the way you did when you said you don't want to remember in twins, or is, as i believe, the chorus entirely self directed. after all, the 'baby come home' is in quotes, so this person is quoting someone else, and 'did you ever love her? do you know? or did you just never want to be alone?' it's reflection on pov to pov themself. it reminds me a bit actually of the 'you are doomed but just enough' from church which @princesspete has talked about here (and i agree aha)
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1, 2, 7, 13, 18, 27, and 30. :D
So it turns out that I can only access my inbox from mobile because when I log in through desktop, Tumblr still says I have no asks, which is so fucking annoying but we're making do.
Anyway.
From the unique writing asks post:
1. What themes would you like to write about that you feel don't get explored very often?
I think it's the nature of fanfic that most people that stumble across stuff I've written are looking for romantic pairings, which is great because if I've written for them, it means their dynamic makes me want to chew concrete and I love being able to share that with readers! But as someone on the ace/aro spectrum (we're still figuring this out), I think it would be really interesting to explore themes of asexuality and/or aromanticism through characters in a respectful and meaningful way. I don't think I'm at the point in my personal development where I can do that quite yet, but I'd love to some day.
2. What are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? What would you avoid writing about?
This one's a tough one because I'm genuinely pretty open to whatever. Like whenever I'm like, hmm don't think I like that, something will come up and inevitably prove me wrong. I didn't think I'd ever be into cheating, but then there's like every canon Roisa fic ever. Also Rose being Luisa's stepmother is still weird but hasn't stopped me.
Oh, one trope I do hate though is magic babies. I spend most of my time in wlw fics and while I'm fine with adoption fics, I hate it when someone in a wlw couple magically ends up pregnant and everyone's weirdly happy about this and no one is freaking out about it. It just doesn't do it for me. It's a huge commitment and the fact that a biological baby is like the "next step" to fulfillment in their relationship and doesn't strain it at all is so icky to me.
7. Favorite description in your wip?
I am literally so bad at descriptions but please enjoy this brief excerpt from my gap princess diaries 2 au I haven't updated in a year lol.
Mon fidgets for a bit before Sam takes off her suit coat and drapes it around her shoulders.
"Oh," Mon says. Sam's wearing suspenders and that distracts her. It takes her a while to remember to say, "Thank you."
"You looked cold."
She was not cold. It's actually a pretty mild night. Mon does not mention this as she pulls the coat tighter around herself. It smells fresh, vaguely like saltwater air.
13. What traits do you share with your original characters or what traits do you wish you shared with them?
I think whenever I do end up writing original characters, they're always like plucky sidekicks who are only there to give the protagonists a kick in the ass. I'd like to be able to not overthink as much and just see the situation clearly and tell it to people as bluntly as my OC's seem to.
18. What writers have inspired you with their use of language? What are some of your favorite quotes?
It's been so long since I've read anything so my mind is blanking right now, but I'm always amazed by how much feeling poets can put into their words. I remember sobbing throughout Ocean Vuong's On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous. The older I get, the more I identify with everything Mary Oliver has written ever. My mentally ill boy Kafka is always a mood. I wish I could remember anything any of these people have ever written but I have nothing but dryer fluff in my head. I'm sorry.
27. Do you have playlists for your wip? What are some of the songs in it?
Sorry, I usually don't have playlists for writing! I should actually start though because it has gotten me over writer's block a couple times, but for the most part, I just play whatever song I'm currently obsessed with. My ADHD means that I tune the lyrics out and I'm just vibing with the beat, although if I loop a song enough times while writing, every time I hear that song afterwards, I'll always associate it with the process of writing that fic, which is pretty cool. I don't think I've written anything over the past twelve months, but my current song on repeat is Animal by VEAUX if you wanna check it out!
30. What is some of the best writing advice you've read or received? Why does it work for you?
The thing about advice for me is that I'm always seeking it out and hoarding it like wow, I bet this would work for me and then...not doing anything to implement it. One thing I did end up using though, is from a Tumblr post that was like, "order everything in your sentences the way a movie scene would play out so the emotional punch comes at the end, like she came into the kitchen, saw the creeping puddle of blood, and discovered her brother's body." I'm paraphrasing obviously because no one can find anything on this hellsite, but this really made me realize that I kinda just threw everything together and hoped it made sense (once again, probably due a little bit to the ADHD). I'm not sure if anyone's even noticed, but I like to think it's made my writing a bit more coherent and easier to follow.
Thanks for asking! I'm love you!
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arofili · 3 years
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Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Who is the fairest of them all?
Whilst rereading the Silm, I got incredibly sidetracked and compiled this list of every time someone is referred to as “fair” or “beautiful.” Every quote here is stated directly by the narrative itself, unless otherwise indicated.
Disclaimers: This is from a keyword search for “fair” and “beautiful” in the published Silm, not anything from LOTR or HOME. The linked edition of the Silm does have some typos, so that may mean I missed a couple.
I only included people or groups of people, and not places or things.
I’m sure this has been done before, but what the hell, here it is again.
And finally, it’s often not clear whether Tolkien is referring to beauty or hair color - though I did not run across anything that seemed to specifically be referring to skin tone.
Alright - here we go...!
Elves!
The Quendi are “fairest of all earthly creatures.”
The Eldar are called “fair and joyful.”
The Vanyar are “the Fair Elves.” Probably referring mostly to their blond hair, though.
The Noldor are called the “fairest of the children of the world” but this is specifically in the “Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age” section so that seems to me that they’re the fairest ones left in Middle-earth at that time.
The Teleri are the “fairest singers;” the Sindar specifically have the “fairest voices” save Maglor, and are also the fairest of the Moriquendi.
The Host of the Valar are in “forms young and fair and terrible.” Later, the Last Alliance is called “fairer and more splendid in arms” than any host since, and only the Host of the Valar was greater.
~~~
Lúthien Tinúviel, more fair than mortal tongue can tell...
Lúthien is the fairest “of all the Children of Ilúvatar” and “of all the Children of the World” (the second said by Beren); she is also “more fair than mortal tongue can tell” (again said by Beren) and called “the fair”; her song to Mandos is the “most fair that ever in words was woven” (which makes sense considering the Teleri and Sindar are both called the fairest singers).
She is also the most beautiful “of all the Children of Ilúvatar” and “of all living things” (this last said by Daeron). That’s four distinct times she’s called the fairest or beautiful, plus being called “the fair” and having sung the fairest song ever and being called too fair to be described in a mortal tongue - seven references to her beauty in total.
Extending that to her descendants...
Dior is called “the fairest of all the children of the World, of threefold race” and personally I think that’s more impressive than his mom, but either way he’s at least a close second. He’s also called “the fair” and “the beautiful.”
Elwing is called “the fair.”
And going back to Lúthien’s dad, Thingol was stated to be fair before meeting Melian but afterward appearing as “a lord of the Maiar,” so...even sexier? Or possibly now he’s eldritch?
~~~
Noldor time!
Finarfin is the fairest of the sons of Finwë. This could be referring solely to his golden hair, but I’m not convinced of that. Either way, he gets it from his mother Indis, who is called “the Fair.”
Fëanor is called “tall, and fair of face” and while I personally reject the tall!Fëanor canon because I love imagining him as tiny and full of rage, I will accept that he’s sexy.
Celegorm is called “the fair.”
Aredhel is specifically said to be fair to Eöl.
Idril is fairer than Gondolin.
Finrod is called both “the fairest of the house of Finwë” and “the fairest of all the princes of the Elves.”
However, Galadriel is stated to be “most beautiful of all the house of Finwë.” What is the truth, Tolkien!!!
Later, Galadriel is called “the fairest of all the Elves that remained in Middle-earth” in the Third Age.
~~~
Men!
Túrin is said to have a face “more beautiful than any among mortal Men, in the Elder Days.” He’s also called “fair and strong.”
He must have got it from his mom, because Morwen is called “most beautiful of mortal women in the days of old.” No word on mortals, men or women, in later days.
The Númenóreans are said to be getting fairer each generation; later, they are called the “fairest of Men” by the Messengers from Aman.
Tar-Míriel in particular is “fairer than silver or ivory or pearl.” Those are all white or silver, so that makes me wonder about her skin tone or hair color - I do think it’s referring primarily to her overall beauty, but silver-haired Tar-Míriel in an echo of the original Míriel Þerindë is something I am now very much into.
It’s worth noting that Túrin and Morwen are both compared to Elves in their beauty - Morwen’s epessë “Eledhwen” translates to “Elfsheen,” and Túrin’s epessë “Adanedhel” translates to “Elf Man.” And the Númenóreans are descendants of Elves, including Lúthien “most beautiful of all living things” Tinúviel. So it seems that Men only have a chance of being called fair if they’re very Elflike.
~~~
Now we get to the bad guys.
(Well, mostly Sauron.)
Melkor is only called fair once - when Fëanor sees through his “fair semblance,” which implies that any beauty he has is fake.
Sauron, however, is called “noble and beautiful” in appearance; he’s also said to have a “fair hue” twice - once specifically “fair and wise” in his form as Annatar, though that is called also a “fair-seeming,” which calls back to Melkor’s “fair semblance.” Again he’s said to appear “wise and fair” to the Númenóreans. Alas, good things can’t last forever, and after the fall of Númenor he can “never again appear fair to the eyes of Men” (no word on Elves, though) because his “fair semblance had departed for ever.”
That’s a total of six times Sauron is called out for being sexy! He’s second only to Lúthien - although unlike her, he’s never called the fairest of anything.
~~~
In sum, Lúthien’s claim to fame as the “most beautiful of all living creatures” pretty much tops anyone else...but IMO, Sauron is a close second.
Plus, Finrod and Galadriel fight it out for the title of “prettiest Finwëan,” with no clear winner!
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botwstoriesandsuch · 3 years
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[Image ID: A screenshot of an anon asking saying “I just wanna say that your tags whenever you rb art and fics are so cute 🥺 you reblogged something of mine the other day and the tags were just so nice and innocent??? It’s like watching a little kid at an aquarium 😝so as an artist I thank you, hope you don’t take it as cringy” End ID]
- - - - - 
Cringey?? nonononono I may be a young kid watching the pretty fish swim aimlessly in the aquarium but I will
recklessly enjoy other people’s content don’t test me
I try to keep it in the tags cause I don’t wanna take away from the op’s original work, plus it makes it easier for other people to rb it from me, but I will amp up the love and appreciation when the situation calls for it. You could straight up come into my inbox or messages and just ask me to give you a reblog and I will do it, I do not care I love you, content creators.
Cringe Culture is dead it’s time to gush plus if I do this often enough people might do it more for me so it’s a win win hehe
Legit, I got a super sweet comment on one of my fics quoting something I wrote and it made me so happy so I was like “huh, guess I’ll do that more often then” and now I’m doing that, that’s how impressionable I am asdfghjk
Also hello?? specifically *my* tags helped you out?? I am a nobody, CLEARLY not enough people are doing this smh, allow me to teach the masses for a sec here
How To Make A Content Creator Happy: the world’s simplest guide to spreading serotonin through a keyboard
Step fucking one) You reblog it. I mean, that’s a given. You’ve all seen those “reblogs help creators out and likes do nothing” posts so I won’t rant too much. Likes are good, but reblogs are like handing someone a stack of a hundred dollars and all it takes is one click! 
(PRO TIP: Hold down the button and swipe for mobile, and hold the left alt button and click once for computer [though it will only rb to your main blog. if you want it for a side-blog then you’re stuck with two clicks but HEY two clicks to help out a creator you like is nothing!])
You share it! Just share stuff. Share the ao3 like, please do it. Don’t repost, don’t just mention it, give the links especially when you’re just in conversation or talking about it around plz I swear it does wonders
Ok moving on to the super simple stuff for commenting and putting stuff in the tags because I guarantee that the op will read them
write A N Y T H I N G and I literally mean anything just fucking:
!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sdjflksdjfkjh
?!?!?!?!!?
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghghhhhhhhhh
:OOOOOOOOO
prettyyy
<33333333333333333
just fucking go ham, go nuts, it doesn’t need to be coherent it just needs to EXIST the very existence of someone enjoying someone’s content gives so much serotonin so stop being silent cowards and give us a smiley face from time to time
uh what else what else....hmm [golden rule is treat others the way you want to be treated, so if you’re a creator yourself, just give whatever you would want seen in the comments of your stuff! I mean that’s how I came up with all this...]
Point out the details! I mentioned earlier about quoting stuff from fics (that stuff is just 👌👌👌 so delicious) but I’m pretty sure (I’m not an artist myself don’t quote me) that the exact same effect is present when you talk about details in art or something. So talk about that pretty snowflake in the background! Or that piece of dialogue that made you laugh. Just a simple nod to the details is a big difference between saying “I like this” versus “I like this thing that you took the time to make the effort you put into the details did not go unnoticed”
just ALL the feedback please and thank you
this might vary from person to person, though personally I love when people are like “The way you write imagery is so good please do more!!” so just give a little nod to someone like “The way you draw this character is amazing please do more” or something like that
I wouldn’t go as far as to give criticism (although personally I’m the type of person that loves the occasionally critique for future reference, cause it means that you care as much as I do about the quality of my work) 
But along the same lines as the details thing, a nice nod to a creator about what they’re doing right is sooooo good! makes the butterflies flutter
                ~~~~~~Did that post give you emotions?~~~~~~
   G   O   O   D
 ~~FUCKING TELL US~~
THE ACT OF SOMEONE WRITING A SET OF LETTERS, OR SOMEONE SKETCHING A BLOB MADE ANOTHER DISTANT HUMAN BEING DEVELOP CHEMICALS IN THEIR BRAIN?? SURE WOULD LOVE TO KNOW THAT BECAUSE WOW THAT’S AMAZING!?!??
just go “I’m so happy” or “I’m so sad” just “TT__TT” just fucking “:OO” or just “I hate this” [HUMOURISTICALLY] and “I can’t believe you’ve done” just give it yes tell us the emotion that you have felt we love it
I don’t think enough people understand how amazing that is???? You were once in a normal, neutral state, and then a piece of content that I created just made you smile or laugh or cry like WHAT that’s amazing omg
Ok so that’s pretty much the simple stuff right, that’s your elementary classwork right there
Just give something, literally anything and just go “I love this so much!!!!!” bam done, you just murdered the op with your love, great job
So yeah, that’s that. Pretty simple stuff, no?
...but you wanna graduate to master class?
You wanna fucking go ape shit
you wanna just
g o    t o    town?
I said this was gonna be a simple guide so don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell you that you have to write a full length essay on every post that you come across
[BUT IF YOU WANT TO DON’T LET ME STOP YOU THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE AMAZING?? HELL WRITING OUT A PARAGRAPH OF A COMMENT IS ALREADY JUST *CHEFS KISS* MASTERCLASS OF MURDERING THE OP WITH LOVE JUST ANALYZING THE SHIT OUT OF THE COLORS AND SHADING AND FRAMING OR JUST POINTING OUT THE THEMES AND SUBTEXT AND CHARACTERIZATION --part of the reason I love betaing stuff so much because I can analyze shit and shower it with premature love while also helping fics to be even better than they were originally ugh so cleansing for my literature heart-- SO YEAH GIVE CREATORS A PARAGRAPH, DARE I DREAM OF PARAGRAPHS, BECAUSE WOW YES PLEASE YES]
...ahem anyway
the way to graduate from good to great as a receiver of content is
to do all this
any of this
any of this simple stupid amazing shit
and just
put it in an ask or message
that’s literally it
Let me tell you why that’s so amazing, it pumps up the already amazing dopamine dosage of these actions alone, and multiplies it by a hundred, let me tell you why
Let’s say you read a drabble. You loved it, you reblogged it, you gave it hearts and emojis and ranted for a few tags about how it made you drop your muffin on the ground. Fantastic work, you just made the op pass out.
Then you go about your day and that’s the end of that.
BUT
if you do all that
and then put it in an ASK
dare you even a direct message?? (probably not most of us on here are cowards I get that)
but an ASK, anon or otherwise?
The message you just sent to the op was “I interacted with the post you made, and I loved it so much that I went the extra mile of going to your blog to make extra extra sure you understand how much I liked your thing”
There’s a wordless wall with every post! You like and reblog the thing and move on with your day. 
But the fact that YOU sent a HEART a SINGLE sentence about how you liked a thing? the fact that you BREACHED that wall and just fucking keyboard smashed in the inbox? the fact that you did that is the most amazing thing in the world
you just ambush the op with good vibes. we were expecting the bare minimum in the comments and tags, but the fact you when out of your way to make it a message or ask???? superb, outstanding, the sheer SHOCK of it will shift tectonic plates
you’re my fucking hero if you do this. you’re a godsend. I would kill for you,👏people👏would👏kill👏for👏you.
AT LEAST THEY WOULD KILL FOR YOU IF THIS ACTION DIDN’T ALREADY MURDER THEM
BE A MURDERER, NAY, A SERIAL KILLER. MURDER CONTENT CREATORS WITH LOVE
BE RECKLESSLY KIND AND LOVING YOU PIECE OF SHIT, ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE CRINGY TO STARVING AND DYING WRITERS AND ARTISTS WE WILL TAKE IT ALL GOD DAMMIT
YOU ARE A CHILD STARING UP AT AN AQUARIUM IN WONDER.
MAKE YOUR HAPPINESS STIR THE TIDES, LET YOUR PRESCENCE BE KNOWN PAST THE REFLECTION OF THE GLASS.
THE FISH ARE LOOKING FOR YOUR SMILE. 
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undercoveravenger · 4 years
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Light Up My World
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Pairing: Jake Dillinger x Male!Reader
Requested: Yes
Original Request: “I am delighted that you know BMC!! Can I request a one shot of Jakey D with an s/l that’s not the most liked in the school, if that’s okay with you!”
A/N: Y’all don’t understand how excited I get when someone knows Be More Chill, let alone when someone requests it. So the fact that I have two requests for Jake in my inbox?? I’m LIVING for it. (Now if only someone will give me an excuse to write for Michael or Rich lol) Thank you to the requester!
__________________________________________________________
The first time Jake saw you it was at the first rehearsal for the play. You had been sitting in the circle with the rest of the actors, but you never actually read any lines. You were just sitting there with a copy of the script balanced on your lap as you scribbled notes in the margins of the pages.
He had been planning on coming over to talk to you once rehearsal was over, but as soon as Mr. Reyes dismissed the cast, you were shoving your script in your bag and the auditorium doors were slamming closed behind you.
It had taken Jake a second to push aside his disappointment and reassume his typically bright grin as his friends flocked around him, clamoring for his attention.
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The brunet tried to intercept you a few more times, but to no avail. Whenever he was finally about to talk to you, he’d be interrupted. Either you’d be busy and disappear or his friends would ambush him, and you’d be gone by time he managed to free himself. 
You were always at rehearsals, at least, which gave Jake ample time to try and think of what to say to you when he actually did talk to you. He wondered whether asking you out the first time you spoke would be too fast or if it would be weird of him to tell you he thought it was cute the way you bit your lip when you were thinking or that he really liked that band tee you wore that one time, not necessarily that he liked the band, but that he really liked the way it stretched tight across your shoulders and chest. He was dying to be able to talk to you, but it was definitely much harder to ask out a guy than a girl.
But Jake was determined. One way or another, he’d find a way to ask you out.
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When Jake finally found the time to approach you, it was during his free period one day. He had told Mr. Reyes that he could stop in and help the tech students for a while before he had to go to his Model UN meeting.
When he wandered into the Drama classroom, the first thing he saw was you standing at the front of a group of six or seven other students with a clipboard, seemingly delegating tasks. He joined the group, standing near the back.
“Alright, everyone knows what needs done today,” you said, not even bothering to look up from your clipboard. “Let’s get it done.” With that, the group dissipated, people branching off to do what you’d asked them to, muttering amongst themselves.
Jake stepped up as you turned toward the door. “Hey,” he called after you, grinning sheepishly when you finally looked up at him. “I came in a little late. What do you want me to help with?”
You looked him up and down for a moment before sighing, “Normally, I’d make you help moving set pieces since you’ve clearly got the physique for it.” Jake knew he had an impressive set of muscles, but the way you said it made him feel less like the king of Middleborough High and more like he’d been appraised like a piece of meat taken to the butcher. “But since they’re being painted right now, I guess you can come help me with lighting.” As soon as you finished speaking, you turned on your heel and headed out of the room, leading the way to the Auditorium.
The brunet nodded brightly, determined not to let your dismissal get to him. “Okay, I can do that! You might have to give me some more specific instructions though,” he couldn’t help the wide grin that took over his features as he trailed after you.
You shrugged, pulling a ring of keys from your pocket as you came to a stop outside the Auditorium doors and unlocking them. You held the door open for Jake before entering yourself, second-naturedly stepping around the end of a row of chairs and heading for the door to a small room at the back of the theater so you could flip on the work lights.
“You have keys to the Auditorium?” Jake called after you, hesitant to follow you until the lights had come on. Once he could actually see, he trailed after you, pausing at the doorframe.
“Of course,” you muttered, grabbing a few tools and shoving them into your pockets before pushing past Jake and heading for the stage. “I’m the Stage Manager. I have to be able to get in to make sure shit gets done and Mr. Reyes isn’t always on campus when the class needs to work on sets and tech.”
Jake nodded a little, standing on stage as he watched you make your way over to one of the thick ropes lining the wall and use the pulley to lower one of the bars of rigging until it would be within reach. You then made your way back over, gesturing for Jake to come join you so you could show him how to slip a gel over the end of the spot so the lighting would be a different color when turned on.
You were explaining which lights needed to be which colors when Jake slipped up. “Would this be a bad time to tell you that you light up my world?” The look on your face was enough to convince Jake that he’d messed up and he was about to apologize when you cut him off.
“Did you just try to flirt with me using a One Direction reference?” You rolled your eyes, ducking under the bar so you could work on a spotlight with a burnt-out bulb, “Does that actually work on the girls you hit on?”
Jake winced, knowing you probably only saw him as a playboy, “Honestly, I don’t really flirt much. Just with people I really like.”
You bit out a laugh, keeping your eyes on the bulb you were replacing, “Then I assume you were just joking.”
“Why would I have been joking?” 
You looked at him like it should have been obvious, “Nobody likes me, Jake.” You didn’t seem upset by the idea, just kind of… resigned. As Jake watched, you shrugged it off and turned back to the spot, turning a few bolts to secure it and slipping a colored gel over the lens.
“That can’t be true.” Jake was confused. Sure, while he hadn’t exactly seen you talking to anyone during rehearsals and you were quick to leave when they were done, he was sure you had your own circle of friends outside of the drama department. 
“And why’s that?” You retorted, rolling your eyes again as you moved onto the next light. “You ever seen me at one of your ‘killer’ parties? Ever seen me hanging out with anyone?” You let out a derisive snort, “Didn’t think so.”
Jake hesitated, knowing that he was about to make himself more vulnerable than he’d ever been. He forced himself to move, standing in front of you so you had to pay attention to him. “Because I like you. A hell of a lot, actually.”
You blinked up at him, clearly shocked by his admission. “You need to raise your standards then.” Your eyes dropped back to the lights in front of you. 
“Fine, I’ll prove it.” Jake was quick to duck under the bar to join you on your side, gently pulling the gel from your hands and setting it aside. He took your face in his hands gently, like he was afraid you’d break, and leaned in to kiss you.
It was just the barest press of lips, hardly even a whisper of a kiss, but Jake was still thrilled when it was over, especially when he noticed the bright flush on your cheeks.
“See?” He grinned at you, “I meant it when I said you light up my world.”
You groaned, shoving him lightly, though you were still grinning a little. “If I agree to go out with you, will you stop quoting boy bands at me?”
Jake paused like he was thinking about it before letting out a thoughtful hum, slipping his arms around your midsection as you tried to get back to work. “Fine, no more One Direction,” he paused to press a little kiss to your cheek before wandering back to where he’d been working.
While you were still a little more prickly than Jake had been anticipating and he hadn’t exactly been smooth about asking you out, he was still thrilled that you’d agreed. Besides, there were plenty more love songs he could pester you with.
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hana-and-her-bs · 4 years
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IRL Hisoka's Bullshit: A Comprehensive Guide
Welcome to the long ass timeline of david’s lies and misdirections. Make sure you’ve got time before you read this, it’s almost 4,000 words long.
(hana, while editing this to post: please add a “keep reading” cut right here.)
Our tumblr family’s first encounter with David was when he made a headcanon request in my inbox. He asked for several characters with an s/o who is depressed and self harms, adding an extra comment on the fact that he wasn’t feeling well lately. When I refused this request and said he could talk to me about that if he wanted to, he sent in another anonymous ask apologizing for triggering me or anyone else and asked if he could tell me why he was feeling this way. I assured him that it wasn’t a big deal and referred him to several nonspecific helplines. He then sent in another ask, this time he coming off anon. He told me that he was trans and that his dysphoria was really bad lately. I answered this ask privately with several more specific hotlines and a little bit of advice. He thanked me in another ask and headed off to sleep. 
The next event in our little timeline is Hana’s hate anon. The earliest appearance I found was on July 29th, although I know there were some before that. This is only a hateful ask and not the essay that led to Hana’s hiatus. That essay was submitted by an anon on August 1st, and it got lots and lots of love and support from many, all of them rightfully telling Hana how amazing she is and defending her against the hate. Hana then announced she was going on hiatus. We believe David took notice of the attention she received here and decided he wanted a little of his own.
Mere hours after Hana’s hiatus announcement, she made a second post entitled “Hiatus of Hiatus (Momentarily)”. The body text of that post said, “Please stop Dming me and telling me not to kms. I’m not going to, I promise. I really don’t want to be reminded that I’m in a position where people think that I would do that. I’m sorry, I appreciate the concern, however, I’m not suicidal in the least.” 
These are the first few events in our timeline. Remember, every claim here is alleged. If we’re wrong about everything we look like assholes, so everything is alleged.
Now to the interesting part. On August 3rd, David made a post that said, and I quote, “Can you please, please stop sending things to my inbox saying ‘you’re still a girl’ and ‘you’re a fag and a tranny’ Please I’m so tired of it”. Are you noticing a pattern? The phrasing of this post is uncannily similar to the phrasing of Hana’s “Hiatus of Hiatus (Momentarily)” post. There were no posts about getting any asks on his blog at the time, and no one who has been following him since August 3rd remembers there being any. It’s unlikely he answered some in a post and then deleted them, as this doesn’t appear to be a habit of his in the future. In looking for receipts for this timeline, nothing we were looking for had been deleted. Not a single post. So it’s highly unlikely he somehow managed to post these anon messages and then delete them before any of us could read them. Another possibility is that he deleted the messages as soon as they entered his inbox, and that’s a reasonable argument. The only thing that makes this illogical is the fact that he posted every other anon message in the future. It makes no sense that he would delete the first ones and decide to answer the second ones publicly. It would make more sense if he had hate anons that he was posting first and then decided to delete the messages after he got fed up with them. But that’s not what happened, as you’ll see later.
At this point, David is only claiming to have hate anons. We have two theories for why he didn’t just send himself hate messages at first rather than only claiming to be receiving them. One is that he used this post as an interest gauge that he wanted to see if he’d get as much support as Hana did when that hate anon’s essay was posted. The second is that he hadn’t thought of the idea yet, that he hadn’t realized he could send them himself instead of waiting for someone else to come along and send some for him.
He then made a post on August 4th saying “I’m done. Absolutely, done. Wtf is wrong with you anon. telling me to kms. I’m doing what Hana did I forgot what it’s called tho. Fuck you anon. I’m waving my white flag [white flag emoji].” This is him saying he was going on hiatus like Hana had announced only 4 days prior. Again, there is no actual evidence of him receiving any real hate anon messages yet. It’s unlikely he did. Hana had 250 followers at the time of getting hate anons, while David had no more than 10. While it’s not impossible for him to have actually gotten hate anon messages, it’s highly, highly unlikely for reasons previously stated and reasons yet to come.
David didn’t really go on hiatus at all. To give him a little credit, he didn’t post anything notable for about 3 days after this, but I’d hardly call that a break. On August 7th, though, all hell broke loose.
August 7th was the most notable day in the entire timeline. Because this was the day when we saw the first actual hate anon messages. The first one he received said “Hi! I just wanted to say Your just a fucking tranny and a fag and god hates you. Please delete this app! Your fics aren’t even that good. They suck. Also kill your self nobody would care!” To which David replied a simple 3 dots. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never actually seen David write anything on his blog. I know he has, but I feel like you’d have to be awfully active on his page and have been there from the very beginning to know about the fact that he’s posted fanfiction. After the first post got a lot of backlash from myself and David’s other mutuals at the time, a second and third anon message came rolling in. These had a much more loving theme, however. They weren’t the hate anon, but a couple of anons supporting David (one of which was me). After David replied to those two positive anon messages, three more hate messages were posted with equal amounts of support for David in the replies as before. After that, three more love anons pulled in, again, one of which was myself. A final anon message appeared for the day, and with that, the hate anons were over for the 7th. He got another love anon after that. The next anon message posted was one of the last love anons asking for a request. Again, he doesn’t really write and the fact that requests were open wasn’t advertised or even written anywhere, leading us to believe this anon is also David himself. The anon asked for headcanons with a couple characters dating a demisexual girl. David said he’d have to do some research because he didn’t know what the term demisexual meant and asked a few more clarifying questions, claiming the headcanons would be posted “Monday or Tuesday”. It’s been over two weeks since then and no such headcanons were posted. This led us to believe that he was this anon, and that he was using this ask as fuel for future hate anon messages. The final thing that happened on the 7th was a request clearly made to trigger someone. It had mentions of suicide and sexual violence, both topics David has expressed he is uncomfortable around. Again, I think this message was sent by David for aforementioned reasons. He doesn’t really get requests and not many people knew he took them. However, to play devil’s advocate, he did get that anon message asking for a demisexual reader before this and this supposed “anon” could’ve gotten the idea there. Unlikely, but possible. (an added note after: I told David in a dm that day to turn off the anon option so that the hate anon could be traced, and he refused. Just an interesting detail.) That wraps up August 7th.
On August 8th, he posted that he punched a cop and was placed in a holding cell, being released sometime on the 8th. It’s unclear when he was originally placed in the cell, if this happened at all. After this, he received another hateful message, assumedly from the same anon as the previous night. This one criticized him for not knowing the meaning of demisexual and insulted his appearance and his writing once more. He apologized for not knowing the definition and moved on, until another message popped up insulting him and misgendering him. Both of these also got a lot of backlash from myself and his other mutuals at the time. We were encouraging the hate anon to come after us instead of David in these, which will come into play later. He also got 4 more love anon messages, one of which seemed to be written by him. It said, “I love your writing, sir. Pls don’t listen to rude people. I hope I rote this correctlly English is my second language.” As Hana can confirm, non-native English speakers simply don’t type this way. It was very clearly written by someone with English as their first language pretending to be someone who didn’t know the language very well. This looks to me like he has been sending himself multiple love anon messages to encourage other real people to do the same, and he’s trying to make it look like there’s a lot of different people supporting him rather than the same few, which leads us to believe several other love anons were also David himself. Again, all of this is alleged, it’s just what it looks like from here. After those few love anons, the hate anon appeared again, only this time, it was in Anarchy’s inbox. Anarchy defended David fiercely, much to David’s satisfaction, I imagine. There were multiple exchanges between Anarchy and this supposed hate anon, each time Anarchy responded with a lengthy paragraph about how much she appreciated David. In one of the anon messages, the anon used David’s deadname, which he never listed on his profile (obviously). You might think that’s damning, but he explains it away later. The last things that happened on the 8th was that he made a post saying how much he hated being with his mom and step mom due to then treating him unfairly. This led to a post that said, “Hi this is davids step mother. I don’t understand why he has been saying these things. I will be taking his phone because I have never done this to him.” This is unlikely for a number of reasons. How did the step mom know what he was saying if we almost know for sure she doesn’t have tumblr without having taken his phone already? And who makes a Tumblr post about taking their step son’s phone away right after doing it? It reminds me a lot of that one Xbox live chat where the kid pretended to commit suicide and then acted like his father messaging the person who “caused his suicide,” but I digress. He later updated his followers by saying he didn’t let her take his phone. Riiiiight. Okay. Moving on.
August 9th was a big day for David, or at least for who he’s portraying himself to be. Not at first, though. This was the day he claims to have moved in with his boyfriend and the day he was proposed to. Or at least, that’s what he wants us to think. But we’ll get to that in a second. The first thing of note that he posted that day was that he was having trouble with his dysphoria, which led to multiple anon messages reaffirming his gender identity. He also posted a storytime that also supposedly happened that day about going to the beach. To quote it: “So me and my boyfriend went to go for a walk along the beach. We’re walking and I have to go to the bathroom luckily there was a restaurant not to far from there so I just ran because ya bitch had to pee. Anyways a girl started hitting on my boyfriend while I was In the bathroom (he told me and i saw when i came back) so i’m walking back up and what do I see? a girl really close to my boyfriend and she has her hand on his shoulder so i start To walk over there and my boyfriend sees me and runs and jumps into my arms and kisses me. The girl rolls her eyes and leaves. I’m a blushing mess from the PDA. I put him down and go get Ice cream.” Now, this is just a nitpicky thing, nothing to do with the rest of the points made. But that story looks like it was ripped right off of r/thattotallyhappened I’m so sorry if it was actually true but at this point, with how much he’s (*ahem* allegedly) lied about, I wouldn’t put it past him. Back to the main thing that happened on the 9th. This is the first point we have definitive proof for. If you reverse image search the image David posted of the engagement ring, it brings up the following pages:
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And what do we see when we click on one of those links?
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A list of different kinds of wedding rings and their respective pros and cons, including this very image. I think it’s safe to say this website didn’t rip this photo from David’s tumblr page. Get excited, people! This is indisputable evidence that he lied and there’s no way to explain his way out of it! Awesome. Moving right along, this is getting hella long. 
August 10th. Nothing really notable about this day, David posted a submission about how to block anons though. This was also the day that the hate anon came into my inbox instead. Not to attack me, but to attack David. Again, at this point we’re going with the assumption that David is the anon. I defended him again, and when I got sick of it I turned off the anon option to see what would happen and surprise surprise, no more anon messages. That’s about all that happened on the 10th.
On the 11th he claimed to have gotten r*pe and death threats without posting the anon messages. At this point, it’s almost reasonable to believe he deleted them right out of his inbox and moved on. Almost.
On the 12th, the hate anon was back in my inbox. They sent me two asks, one of which I responded to and the other I didn’t. At the second one, I blocked the anon’s IP address, meaning that they could never send me another ask again, anon or not. What’s damning about this is that after this day, I never got another ask from David again. Normally he’d at least send something while ask games were going around, but from that point on I got absolutely nothing. This is almost definitive proof that David was his own hate anon.  Another thing that happened that day, after Hana flirted with me a little bit publicly he encouraged us to date. That’s wrong for a number of reasons and seems extra creepy now, but we won’t be getting into that now.
Things died down a bit until the 15th. This is the day the hate anon supposedly forgot to press “ask anonymously” and revealed themselves. The account was someone he claimed to be his sister, but the entire account was based around David and there was no previous activity and as soon as all the (*cough* manufactured) “drama” died down, the account disappeared. Just stopped existing altogether. We think David used this account to explain how the hate anon seemed to know him so well, even though the account seemed a lot like it was created and run by David. There was a dm conversation between David and this sister account posted on David’s account, basically with the sister insulting him and him responding very calmly to that. He only posted the hate message the sister sent off anon after he’d said it was his sister. What I’m wondering is how David knew this account was his sister by just reading the username. If there was no previous history (indicative of the account being created with the sole purpose being to hate David) how did he know it was his sister? It’s not like he’d think to just ask her irl if that was her account. Another thing that happened on the 15th was a post about him talking with his uncle. To quote: “I was on the phone with my uncle (who hasn’t seen me in 7 years) and he asks how old i am and when I tell him, he gets so quiet. Like is he surprised?” Notice how he doesn’t list a specific age in the post. He’s told everyone in the tumblr family group a different number, and he’s trying not to allude to that fact. He also claims to have had a big verbal argument with his “fiancee” that day where his fiancee threw his ring at him and packed up for his sister’s house on the 15th only 6 days after their alleged engagement. We don’t get another update on that until the next day, the 17th. 
The 17th was when “Jackson” and David officially broke up.
On the 20th, a mysterious account called “jackson-periodt” showed up, reblogging David’s posts publicly begging David to take him back. But David refused. Like the sister account, this account had no previous history and disappeared after the “drama” subsided. The fact that we know now that he definitely lied about being engaged brings up all kinds of questions. What did he tell the truth about? Or, to be more apt, what didn’t he lie about? Is anything he’s told us true? Was he ever even dating a “Jackson”? And who asks for a second chance PUBLICLY on TUMBLR?
Then the 22nd, when all the pedophilia and predation came to light, David issued a half assed apology and hasn’t been heard from since. At least on his main account.
  For awhile, there’d been a Carolina anon going around the tumblr family’s blogs and everything. 
When David’s predation was brought to light, they came off anon, sporting the URL @/carolina209. Awfully similar to the Jackson alias, don’t you think? It’s just like the other accounts, the sister one and the Jackson one. No previous history, no profile picture, no banner, nothing but a title and a bio. You’d think they’d be a little more fleshed out, but they’re just… not. This Carolina anon was in everyone’s inboxes in our little tumblr family besides mine. That might be because they just don’t want to talk to me, or it could be because the hate anon, David, and Carolina accounts all have the same IP address that I blocked. Outlandish, I know. But if you look on the @/hana-and-her-bs account and all the screenshots of dms between Hana and Carolina, it starts to look a little more believable. Carolina’s flighty, her stories don’t add up. And she’s claiming to be a BNHA writer without having done any actual writing or anything to allude to the fact that they even actually like writing. Sound familiar? It should. Now, again, playing devil’s advocate here, it’s very possible she just hasn’t gotten around to posting any writing yet. After all, her account has seemingly only been around a few days. But she got real close to us all real quick, especially to Logan, the previous object of David’s revolting behavior. The Carolina account has tried to make it very clear that they’re a minor. If David is behind it (which we’re 99% certain of), this absolutely discredits his entire apology post. If he was truly sorry, he wouldn’t be trying it a second time.
Another thing that convinces me David is behind this Carolina account is that Carolina is defending the fact that David’s a minor. Not outright, but subtly. If you check those aforementioned screenshots, you’ll see what I mean. The account implies it has proof that David is 16-17. It seems like he’s trying a little too hard to sell this “innocent little girl who’s just soooo afraid of the scary bad man” persona on this alt account. The whole thing is just a little suspicious.
  And that’s everything we have so far. It’s a lot, I know (3.8k words worth my lord), but I hope you can all understand just how deep this goes. We thought this was a simple case of predation, when in reality it’s a very clear pattern of insecurity and compulsive lying. Again, all of this is alleged (except the ring part. That’s not alleged, that’s definitive proof) so don’t @ me, alright? Alright.
  Dishonorable mentions: 
He claims his birthday is on August 5th, while the Carolina account (supposedly a close real life friend of his, but we think is actually David) says his birthday is the 6th.
He told me he went on a first date with a boy 2 months ago, then got engaged on the 9th. When I asked him how long they’d been dating, he said 3 years, then he clearly claimed to have been dating him for 7. It doesn’t add up. 
Claims his dad left him and then days later says his dad is the nicest person you’d ever meet and that he lives with his dad while his sister lives with his mom. Again, doesn’t add up.
He reblogged anti-pedo posts about having pedo apologists unfollow him, and said, “its disgusting how two people unfollowed me.” while literally being a pedo. This one’s more funny than annoying or disgusting.
The alleged sister account, @/okay-but-who-asked? They liked one of my posts, and I can’t prove it at all, but it’d be HELLA funny if it was because David forgot to switch accounts before liking my content. 
  A closing statement: David, if you’re reading this, please take a break from tumblr. From all social media, honestly. I mean that in the nicest way possible. I’ve said this over and over again, but I’m gonna say it again because it’s important. If you’re going to use your platform like this, you don’t deserve a platform. Full stop. Please take a break and come back when you learn how to act like a decent truth-telling human being. This story is honestly really sad to think about, the fact theory that you’re so insecure you made a hate anon persona to get attention. There are better ways to make friends, man, trust me. Get a therapist and figure it out. Pedophilia isn’t a valid coping mechanism.
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Thank you, Babe! A timeline to keep in mind for the grand finale, which is postponed. For the time being, please try your hardest to make a friend like bond with Carolina, for I’ll be gone for 5 days starting tomorrow. After that, shit will hit the fan. ❤️❤️❤️ Hana
@jmeyerss​ @gayfanficanonymous​ @anarchytheselfshipper​ @red-riot-rat​ @squishytenya​
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rkivepacks · 4 years
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TITLE: he calls her his destiny Originally posted on: AO3/dtgloss Pairing: taekook/kookv/vkook (Kim Taehyung & Jeon Jeongguk) Rating: PG13 Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1,881 Trigger Warning/s: Swearing, Smut Disclaimer: This work is solely from the idea of the author. Should there be similarities with the works of other respected artists are purely unintentional. This also do not reflect on the real lives of the artists portrayed in this work. Comments, suggestions and any other concerns are accepted in my inbox. Thank you!
Summary:  “I hope they set us up together.” Silence.
Taehyung loves Jeongguk. Taehyung loves Jeongguk and he believes he loves him a normal amount as much as the society allows.
Jeongguk also loves Taehyung. He loves him even if—
“JEON JEONGGUK!” His lover’s voice echoes and passes through the wooden door of their bedroom.
— loves him enough to let him interrupt his thoughts. And also lets him rush through the door and let their wedding picture on the wall jump on its place on the impact of the door slamming shut.
“Hello baby.” Jeongguk gets up from the vanity chair to greet his husband with a hug. However, he receives a halfhearted one instead.
“Explain to me why I received a resignation letter on my email of someone from the Accounting Department stating that, and I quote ‘This is also submitted upon the suggestion of Mr. Jeon Jeongguk.’ End quote. Make me understand.”
“It’s in the letter, baby.” He sighs.
Taehyung stays silent but Jeongguk can’t say the same for the threatening waves coming off of his husband.
“There have been missing liquidations for the past three months from this year’s report. There are also other issues with the company taxes he could not take care of properly. So I told him simply that if the company gets charges and complaints about the taxes I will sue him or he will just resign. See it’s a suggestion.” He charges towards his husband again.
“I’m tired of all the shit your department gives mine, Jeongguk.” Taehyung hugs back and bites into Jeongguk’s shoulder.
Jeongguk yelps and untangles himself from his husband. “I’m sorry. Tomorrow I will make a call and recommend him to another company. Okay?” He kisses Taehyung.
“You better or I’m not finalizing that resignation. This dumbass.” Jeongguk kisses again as a sign of apology.
“You really don’t have authority over that, honey. I do, though.” He teases.
“I do, excuse you. As your husband I can make you do that.”
Jeongguk loves Taehyung enough to let him do things. Willingly.
“They don’t really know that, babe.” Jeongguk says from the bathroom door.
“You know I should start a rumor about you.” Taehyung pretends he’s actually considering the idea. He probably is considering.
“Okay, about what?”
“That you asked me to sleep with you and you have a daddy kink.” They laugh amused.
“Okay first of all, they’re gonna talk about you too. Second, you love calling me daddy, babe.” Jeongguk replies amused.
“I don’t care. They love me and will still talk about you more for it.”
“Ok but if you do tell them you don’t last long when we do it.”
“Shut the fuck up. What’s taking you so long there?” Taehyung’s voice increases volume as he nears the bathroom where Jeonggguk is shaving.
“Just a few more seconds, babe. Wait for me on the bed.”
“Yes daddy anything for you.” Taehyung winks exaggeratedly.
Jeongguk emerges from the bathroom and stands on Taehyung’s side of the bed. Taehyung’s lying on his stomach when Jeongguk removes the duvet covering him. Taehyung whines but refuses to move or acknowledge Jeongguk’s presence and focuses on his phone.
Jeongguk straddles Taehyung’s legs before pulling down Taehyung’s pajama pants and sees his bare ass before he bites on the right cheek.
“Ew loser!” Taehyung scrambles and hits Jeongguk with a pillow. Jeongguk laughs and scoots over to his own side of the bed.
They situate themselves on the bed in silence, with Jeongguk turning off the main lights in the room and leaving the night lights on with the controller.
Silence still engulfs the room.
“Babe.”
“Psst.”
“Baby?”
Silence. Jeongguk wonders if Taehyung’s asleep already.
“Baby baby.” He taps Taehyung’s waist twice.
“Shut the fuck up baby, please.” Taehyung whines and turns around to face Jeongguk.
“I was thinking since I bit your ass, right...” Jeongguk trails off, and Taehyung whines to signal him to continue. “It’s like I bit into a bun but I didn’t get to taste the jam yet.” Taehyung gasps.
“Don’t tell me you want to eat my shit, Jeongguk what the fuck?” He exclaims.
“What? No! What the fuck Taehyung.” Jeongguk looks ridiculed. “Anyway, I was saying.” He eyes Taehyung and moves to position them both on the bed again. He lays Taehyung on his back and covers half of his body with his, cornering him. “I’m kind of in the mood to eat your ass. And maybe,” he smiles cheekily, kissing Taehyung’s nose. “You know, do it.” He smiles suggestively.
“Go to sleep.” Taehyung tries to turn around but Jeongguk’s weight stops him.
“I’ll do all the work.” Jeongguk reasons.
Silence.
“Do you wanna do it instead of me?”
Silence.
“Jeongguk, I was thinking, since I’m gonna tell everyone you have a daddy kink. Why don’t I use this chance to exercise my memory, you know. I think I forgot already what your kinks are.” Taehyung repositions himself before putting a hand on Jeongguk’s cheeks, hiking a leg up on his waist, moving it as if to softly caress Jeongguk’s leg.
“Yeah?” Jeongguk smiles and Taehyung hums, continuously pecking his lips softly.
“I’m tired, though. Do all the work since you missed gym this morning, daddy.” He whines, using the leg on Jeongguk’s to push his hips down.
“But.” Taehyung stops. “Don’t ever do the bun analogy again.” He says before dragging down Jeongguk’s boxers.
[~]
“Good morning, baby. I slept really good last night.” Jeongguk kisses Taehyung on his cheeks.
Taehyung i sittin on the dinner table, already starting of on his breakfast when Jeongguk approached him.
“Of course you did, you slept with your dick in my ass the whole night.” He huffs.
“Ah yes, my personal dreamcatcher.”
[~]
“Taehyung, what brings you here?” Jeongguk sees Taehyung talking to the person he supposedly fired yesterday.
“Oh Jeongguk, I was talking to Mr. Son regarding his transfer to one of the partner companies.” He smiles at Mr. Son.
“Ah yes, thank you Mr. Jeon.”
“No problem.” He acknowledges. “Taehyung, I need you to see something in my office.”
The two walks to Jeongguk’s personal office.
Nobody in the office knew of their marriage. All the other employees know is that one of the board of directors is the father of Kim Taehyung is also, coincidentally, a close personal friend of the CEO and also holds a high position in one of the departments in the company.
The two close personal friends as far as they know, are in Jeongguk’s office to discuss work details.
Nobody needs to see Taehyung pinching Jeongguk on the butt, though, while kissing each other.
“What transfer was that, love?” Jeongguk asks.
“I told him you fixed another position in one of the partner companies for him instead of firing him altogether.
“You’re so good baby you’re turning me on right now.” Jeongguk fake moans.
“Shut up. I also told everyone you have a small dick. Just a heads up in case you see them trying to avoid looking at you. “ Taehyung smirks.
“You literally told me my dick is big last night babe.”
“I don’t remember, I think.” Taehyung starts to walk towards the door.
“Taehyung come back here.”
Taehyung opens the door and before he steps out, “I think we might need to discuss it again and run a test so I can give you a more definite answer.” He says, which is absolutely overheard by everyone walking by the door.
Jeongguk loves Taehyung enough to let him blue ball him.
[~]
Jeongguk and Taehyung met at one of the company parties. Jeongguk was just a son to his CEO father that night and Taehyung being the son of one of the directors.
All the important people are in one round table, including the two of them. Jeongguk arrived late, which ended with him being chastised by his father.
“I’m sorry I was late, I had a problem.” He apologized to everyone but this time the mother chastised Jeongguk.
Taehyung overhears half of it as he returned from one ‘restroom break’ which is just him spending time outside on his phone.
“Oh, Jeongguk, right? Thank you again for helping me. I think I got you in trouble.” Jeongguk and his mother and father turned to him. Jeongguk looks at him, blinking twice. “Mrs. Jeon, your son actually helped me find my phone. I’m sorry for the trouble. I made him late.” He bowed.
“Oh, really?” Jeongguk’s mother exclaimed, earning the attention of her husband and Taehyung’s own father. “It’s fine, Taehyung, this rascal has a habit of running late, he says he doesn’t like parties.”
“Oh you’ve met, what a surprise, son.” Taehyung’s father smiled.
“Ah oh yes. If you don’t mind to excuse us, I’d like to speak with Taehyung alone.” Jeongguk signaled Taehyung to move far from their parents.
“Thank you. You didn’t have to do that. They know why I come late today I just really don’t like attending. I was also trying to avoid someone here.” He looks around.
“It’s ok. I’m sorry if I intruded. But since you have a real problem at hand, just come to me in case the person you’re avoiding talks to you.” They laugh.
“Do you work here?” Jeongguk asks.
“Not yet. I came with my dad because he wanted me to meet everyone including your parents before I start next week.” He explained.
“So that means I finally have a reason to come willingly to the office?” Jeongguk teases.
“What?” Taehyung gawks, acting as if he did not hear everything.
“What?” Jeongguk feigns innocence.
“I-“
“I’m just saying. You know, about the person I’m avoiding.” Jeongguk stutters. “I think my parents are one step away from marrying me off to someone. They’re not that strict but you know, they think I need someone and since I’m about to follow my dad’s footsteps. They’d probably wanna do it sooner so why not find someone, yeah?” He turns to Taehyung.
“Yeah. I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s okay. But, I’d like to just..... I’m just saying.” He trails off and Taehyung laughs, urging him.
“I hope they set us up together.”
Silence.
“I have my reasons. First, I prefer you more than the person I’m avoiding. Second, technically, it would be convenient for our family.”
Silence.
“You know what, I hope they do so you’re forced to see me. That’s what you get for embarrassing me like this!” Jeongguk whines.
“I’m sorry were you serious the whole time?” Taehyung acts like he’s wondering.
“I’m gonna file a complaint in the company against you.”
“I’m not even employed yet, fuck off.”
“I really hope we end up together so I can piss you off.” Jeongguk huffs.
“My dad just texted, the food’s gonna get cold so we better get back, loser.”
[~]
Three years later, Taehyung and Jeongguk married each other.
Jeongguk still teases Taehyung for it.
[~]
Jeon Unmyeong.
Their first child was born a week before Jeongguk’s birthday.
Their first daughter who looks like Taehyung and Jeongguk said it’s fair enough he gets to pick for her name.
He calls her his Destiny when he thinks Taehyung is not with him.
[~]
Jeongguk loves Taehyung. But he knows Taehyung loves him more just through all the ‘love you’s and kisses Taehyung may or may not have been aware of that he gave Jeongguk through the years.
[end]
[See all works here]
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allisondraste · 5 years
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Writing Deliciously Evil Characters: A Meta Post
Recently in a discord conversation, I was discussing some feedback that I have gotten on my longfic, regarding my portrayal of the odious Rendon Howe.  Arl Howe is a classic, stereotypical “mwahaha” type of villain, which is not the standard in Dragon Age where the Wardens are Grey and the villains are Greyer, in that most of the bad folks aren’t doing bad things for the sake of doing bad things (e.g. Loghain, Meredith, Solas), but rather because they believe what they are doing is “right.”  Howe, on the other hand is a man who betrays his closest allies in the first of what would be a series of awful vies for power during the Fifth Blight that would eventually lead to his death and the destruction of his family.  He’s not the only character who does evil for pleasure/power/personal gain (think Livius Erimond, the Grand Duchess, Corypheus, Danarius blah blah blah).  However, the feedback was about Howe, so I’m going to reference him throughout this post.
Essentially, I have received a number of comments in which people have remarked something to the effect of “The way you write Howe makes me hate him even more.” I love this feedback because that was the plan all along and it’s the equivalent of someone saying “The way you write [insert widely beloved popular hero character here] makes me love them even more!”  I love love love villains, and as much as I am in the camp with everybody else wanting to stab the man in his slimy, weasley guts, I also love writing him.  In my personal opinion he is actually a very good villain, and I’ll go into why in a bit.
For those of you who haven’t encountered my meta posts before, I’m not a writer by trade.  I am a mental health professional, and my background is in psychology.  So when I make posts about “writing” some type of thing, I typically focus on the psychological components of why certain things work for characters, why others don’t, and how to make a character’s actions realistic and true to who they are as a person. That being said: I do speak about sensitive things in my posts, and this one is no different, so I will be putting the rest of this post behind a Read More.  If you are triggered by the mention of trauma and abuse, violence, and mental illness then I would caution you to take care of yourself if you choose continue on!
What is Evil?
If I were to ask you to give me the name of someone who is “evil,” I would bet money that the people everyone lists would be what society likes to coin “psychopaths” or “sociopaths,” and these are individuals who are callous, cruel, and lack consciences, anxiety, and empathy.  They are your serial killers and super villains.  Your unarguably bad, awful, evil people. They were always evil.  Born evil. Raised evil.  They eat, sleep, and breathe evil.  Concentrated evil flows through their veins. They probably also hate puppies and babies.  You all get the picture.
First of all, this is not only an inaccurate understanding of what standard human evil is, but it is also an inaccurate and romanticized view of psychopathy/sociopathy (the words are actually interchangeable, people just like to pretend they are different).  The media loves itself a juicy slice of psychopath.  It’s why we have movies about Ted Bundy and why Discovery ID is a thing. However something that is so incredibly important to note is that regardless of how an evil person presents, “evil” as a thing, a behavior.  It is  not a personality trait, but a societally motivated response. People are not evil; they do evil.  Someone  may be born with a diathesis, or predisposition to do evil things, and then be influenced by environmental factors to enact those evil things, but nobody in the world is born evil. Not. A. Single. Person. In fact, as the Stanford Prison Experiment, conducted by Philip Zimbardo (who also has a wonderful TED Talk  on the Psychology of Evil), shows ANYONE under the right circumstances can do evil.  The Stanford Prison Experiment is actually an excellent example of why the Templar Order is the way it is!  When people of equal standing are placed in a position where one group has perceived power and authority over the other, and when the guilt is diffused across a “group” rather than placed on a single person, horrible things can happen. In fact, more evil is done by groups of people than individuals for this very reason.
I originally had a much longer explanation about how society causes evil, but the post ended up being long anyway and this was unnecessary (but, if you want a post about that in the future, feel free to hit up my inbox or otherwise just check out that Zimbardo talk linked here).  
My point is that in order to write compelling villains it is important to understand what drove them to reach the point of atrocity they have reached, why they do as they do.  A villain who you cannot answer those questions for is going to fall flat.  Disclaimer: I am not suggesting that you excuse a villain’s actions or make apologies for what they do.  Evil is evil regardless of intention, however, knowing the explanation for the behavior can help you capture it in a story.
Why Villains Fall Flat
If my readers are anything like me, then there have been times in the consumption of media that they encounter a really awful bad person who you just kind of feel “blah” about.  They are supposed to be your protagonists’ mortal enemy, but their defeat falls flat and feels empty and anticlimactic.  Sometimes in the horror genre, authors take the “telling less” approach regarding their villains because that increases the “oooh” creepy feeling that they want to have.  This is actually really really effective for a horror film.  It is not so effective when writing action/adventure, romance, etcetera.  Why? I think that it can be pretty well summed up by the following quote by existential psychologist Rollo May:
“Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is.”
Essentially, in order to truly hate a villain and to be both disgusted by their actions and thrilled by their defeat, you have to care about them in some way shape or form.  You have to be invested in their “origin story” and/or care about someone who is closely tied to them or affected by them.  It’s why Rendon Howe is such a good villain, and why playing the Cousland origin and meeting his children makes you hate him even that much more.  When you play the Cousland origin, you get to see the Arl through the eyes of someone who doesn’t know that he is bad.  Rendon is aloof, but ultimately respectful and he seems to have the implicit approval dear old dad (they were war buddies after all! Fought in the rebellion together!!).  Then, he has the family murdered in their sleep in a premeditated act of sheer ambition.  We get to see the death of a young woman and her son, and watch as Warden Cousland leaves her parents behind to die.  It’s tragic, it’s all Howe’s fault, and it’s effective.  Then you have this opportunity to meet Howe’s eldest son Nathaniel who is so bitter and full of rage that *you* the “hero” destroyed his family.  He can’t fathom his father doing something evil enough to warrant what happened to the Howes.  He was never that bad!  He just got caught up in politics!  He picked the wrong side in a war!  He tortured prisoners because the country was at war!.  His bedroom was  next to the torture dungeons because politics and war! I’m not saying that Nate has the most accurate view of his dad -- the man certainly wasn’t winning any father of the year awards, after all, a fact which Nathaniel eventually comes to realize (“maybe I shouldn’t defend the man who found the screams of prisoners to be soothing bedtime ambient noise” -- okay I’m exaggerating so sue me).  What I am saying is that in  listening to Nathaniel speak about his father and his family, we learn more about Howe, his life and his motivations.  We realize there is nothing more than a man behind all that evil, a man who has a family (and a family in which the other members are actually good and decent at that) and we are able to see that maybe he could have been good had things gone differently for him.  Again, it’s effective.
What Causes People to Do Evil?
As I mentioned before, just as with greatness, people are not born evil.  Evil is something that people have thrust upon them, and it is honestly really tragic if you look back and see all of the individual steps that led to a person becoming the villainous bastard you know and love to hate.  There are many different reasons a person might do evil things, but it typically falls into the theory we psychology nerds call the “diathesis-stress model,” which posits that certain people are born with a “diathesis” or a predisposition for a certain type of behavior.  In the case of an evil person it might be that the person has an irritable temperament or ambitious, selfish, narcissistic, aggressive, deviant, manipulative, etcetera tendencies.  When these people are placed under a stressor (such as, but not limited to: abuse, trauma, modeling of crime or deviant behavior, desperation, loss, etc.), the darker sides of those qualities comes out.  
NOTE: This is not to say that everyone who has these qualities and undergoes a stressor is going to become evil.  This is not to say that abuse/trauma/etc. causes evil.  In fact, most people who are traumatized do not go on to traumatize others; however, if you look at everyone who has done evil, almost all of them have done so because they grew up in an environment where such evil was the norm, and they learned nothing better.  They are people who were pushed by desperation.  They are people who ultimately have a story that is not “Oh, they’re just bad.”
Evil is the perfect storm of nature and nurture that, unfortunately, some people are not able to escape.  
Sometimes, it’s easy to care about villains because their intentions and motivations are very overtly stated.  For example:
Loghain is motivated by a very rational fear of the Orlesians and Cailan’s closeness to them.  We learn all that Loghain’s family went through during the Orlesian occupation, what happened to his mother.  We also can toy around with the possibility that his decision to quit the field at Ostagar was less obvious treason and more obviously pragmatic.  This of course doesn’t justify anything he does (you know, like striking a deal with the magisters to sell the Alienage elves into slavery or allowing Howe to, uh, torture people, what have you).
Meredith - See my above discussion of the Stanford Prison Experiment, but also consider her temperament and the trauma she was exposed to as a child with her sister who had magic and caused the death of 70 people including her family.  Is it okay that she abuses her power and abuses mages? Hell no… but we have motivation.
Solas - *sigh* Don’t make me do this one.  We get it. He has to RIGHT the WRONG. It’s his DUTY.  Cool story, still evil. (disclaimer: I love Solas. Ma vhenan. But I look at him with a critical eye when I choose to love him.  That’s important.)
Sometimes the motivations are not so clear.  I’m not particularly inclined to care about Corypheus other than I’d kinda like for him to get away from me with that demon army.  I don’t really give a flying duck about Erimond other than he is, as Cole so succinctly puts: an asshole.  There are lots of characters like that, and honestly it’s good to have a few of them sprinkled about a bit.  They’re not particularly fun to write or compelling to read (in my personal opinion), but hey! Your mileage may vary.
And now we’re back to Howe (Maker help me I never thought I’d be doing a  meta post about this awful man, but here we are).  He, and actually most if not all the minor villains in DAO, is actually really good despite his motivations not being so blatantly obvious as Loghain’s or Ulfric’s or any of the others you face in that game.  When he says, “I deserved more!” at the end, without further thought about the topic, it’s easy to say “God what a power grubbing weasley little snake of a man,” or a “cold codfish arse,” as one of my friends aptly described him.  However when you look at his background… it’s not so simple as all that. Just a few notes:
According to the lore Rendon has two fathers: Padric, who disappeared with the Wardens never to be seen again and who Rendon never forgave, and Tarleton who had no sense for loyalty and sided with the Orlesians in the rebellion and was ultimately hanged.
Young Rendon, despite his parentage chose to join the Rebellion with his besties: Bryce Cousland and Leonas Bryland.  At some point, he becomes injured and is no longer able to fight.  He is cared for by Leonas’ sister Eliane, who would later become Lady Howe.
There seems to be a lot of strife between Howe and his wife’s family, so much so that Eliane’s parents were even cold and critical of the Howe kids, Nathaniel in particular (maybe because he looks the most like Rendon, who knows?).  He expected to receive some of the Bryland wealth, but that did not happen (likely because he did not actually love his wife and Eliane’s family had no great love for him.  As far as marrying a Howe in Thedas, it would be much like marrying a Greyjoy or a Frey or a Bolton in Game of Thrones.  It’s not a family anyone particularly wanted to be associated with)
It is likely that Howe became very insecure and upset by the success of his friends, even resentful of them.  Handsome Bryce, his promotion to Teyrn,  and his Pirate Wife.  Leonas and his lovely [wealthy] family.  It made him miserable, and accompanied with all of the things that had been modeled for him by his family… it was not much of a stretch for him to go darkside.
So…What Was The Point of this Allison? Why Have You Written This Hellishly Long Post?
1.) I wanted to.  It was fun for me. This is how I spend my free time apparently.
2.) I wanted to provide some basic pointers for writing believable, but undoubtedly bad villains, and I felt like it needed context.
The Tips...Get On With Them Already. Please. We’re Begging You.  TL;DR!
1.) “Evil” is not a personality trait, it is a behavior.  People are not born evil.  They are led to do evil.
2.) Romanticized psychopaths/sociopaths are boring.
3.) In order to develop hatred for a character, you have to make the audience care about them, and the ways to do so are endless.
4.) Evil is the combination of a predisposition to do bad things plus some catalyst that causes someone to go darkside.  Nature and Nurture working together to make a twisted thing.
5.) Grey villains are abundant and very cool. Their motivations cloud their morality.
6.) Not-so-grey villains are also abundant, and can also have the potential to be very cool or the potential to be glorified Scooby-Doo villains (“And I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for you meddling WARDENS”)
7.) The line between a compelling “mwahaha” and a bleh “mwahaha” lies in the character’s backstory and motivations.  It lies in the audience caring in some way, shape, or form about that person.
8.) Rendon Howe is a character who, in my honest opinion was done right.  People loathe him.  He’s absolutely detested. Why? Because he’s a “cold codfish arse”? Maybe.  I posit that it’s because we have enough information to care about him.
Thank you for coming to this TED Talk, you all have been wonderful.
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davetheshady · 5 years
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🌟 how about chapter 4 of waiting for the bus in the rain 🌟 and only partially because i showed up to yell about the last few paragraphs when it first dropped. also just because i love Julie content and it's the very middle of that fic
::blows dust off inbox:: So! Now that I’ve back from traveling through three countries and recovered from trying to leave most of my arm skin in one of them (PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: don’t go so fast you flip over on the Alpine Slide, particularly if you’re in the actual Alps) here’s some DVD commentary on Chapter 4 of Waiting for the Bus in the Rain! It’s chock full of my stylistic hallmarks, i.e. way longer than I expected.
(Note to my sister: THIS IS FULL OF SPOILERS. GO READ MY STORY FIRST YOU LOSER)
There’s a Sheriff’s Secret Police officer outside Julie’s window. Considering she’s in her office on the second floor, this is fairly impressive. But when they scream and scrabble against the glass after accidentally kicking over their ladder for the third time, Julie’s had enough.
Even when they’re not under suspicion of using the scientific method, Julie has to deal with WAY more (attempted) surveillance than Carlos ever does. This is partially because she doesn’t have amazing hair, but also because Cecil doesn’t narrate large chunks of her life over the radio that the SSP can copy down and submit as a report.
vulnerabilities include fire and cold iron
and according to the literature high velocity cheese wedges but i’ve never seen anyone test that
My hand to God. Probably my number one complaint about fantasy as a genre is that everyone takes stuff from Celtic mythology so seriously when half of it is just. Completely bonkers.
Originally, most of the relevant exposition about fairies was provided by a different character entirely: Carlos-f’s misplaced smartphone, an AI who Julie called Hex (yes, like in Discworld, hell yeah science wizards) because she refused to give Julie her name. Hex provided such ringtones as “Dark Horse” and “Double Rainbow” and would occasionally get distracted by lists of numbers. Hmm… 
I changed it back because 1) it was a detour and this chapter was long enough already, 2) Julie and Carlos’ friendship is one of the main throughlines and having them talk to each other was better for the story, and 3) him texting during the middle of a battle is hilarious. But as far as I’m concerned, Hex is still canon. 
Andre yawns on the other end of the line and asks, “What time is it?”
“Quit whining, it’s only—” Julie looks at the clock.
Shit.
“—3:00 AM,” she finishes defiantly, because she still has her pride. Embarrassment pricks at her like flying embers settling on bare skin, because now Andre knows she was so out of it she didn’t even bother to try keeping track of the time, and he’s going to think she couldn’t sleep because of feelings, which is both correct and incorrect, because she wasn’t even trying to sleep since distracting herself by going over the minutiae of their data while the Sheriff’s Secret Police scream and fall in the bushes is better than listening to her cats prowl around while lying in her quiet apartment by herself, and any moment now he’s going to feel bad and decide to humor her and answer her in a voice filled with cloying pity and say—
“Would Hiram McDaniels count as one respondent, or five?” He yawns again.
A good chunk of Julie’s inner turmoil just, like, boils down to a recurring loop of that Tim Kreider quote about “If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.” She doesn’t consciously WANT the rewards of being loved, it just kind of… happens… and then she’s stuck with incredibly loyal life-long friends… and now she not only has to deal with her own feelings but theirs too, which is pretty much her worst nightmare… 
Fortunately, since she’s already gone through the mortifying ordeal of being known, they do frequently pull through and offer the kind of support she knows how to accept. 
“Give TV’s Frank a kiss for me.”
“I’m not kissing my cat for you,” says Julie.
I mean, she’ll kiss the cat. Just not on request. 
And yes, all her cats are named after the Mad Scientists’ sidekicks on Mystery Science Theater 3000. ~foreshadowing~
When she opens the door of her workshop later that morning, she finds that someone has been by to leave her a breakfast tray. Well, “tray”, in that it’s a textbook, and “breakfast”, in that it’s a French press, a stale churro, and her blood pressure medication. But the French press is completely full with still-warm coffee, so overall she’s going to count this as a win.
This appeared pretty early in my drafts: it’s just such a funny mental image to me and also encapsulates Julie and Gary’s relationship pretty well, i.e. a string of question marks who somehow get along.
The naturally suspicious part of her wonders if he deliberately provoked her reaction to the flamingo to gather more information about it. The naturally analytical part of her points out that Carlos is more likely to gnaw off his own hand than put someone in danger, especially when he could just put himself in danger instead.
Julie is just a tad cynical, so she’d definitely think of potentially negative interpretations of her friend’s actions. But it’s not actually a possibility she dwells on in any real sense, and every time she interacts with Carlos-f (not to mention Carlos-0) she trusts him implicitly. She wouldn’t admit it in a thousand years, but she considers Carlos one of the few genuinely good people in the world: not because he never makes mistakes or creates personal disasters, but exactly because of those things. She knows he’s a flawed person, and that everyone is flawed, so that makes him genuine – which means every time he’s tried to do the right thing at personal cost, over and over, that was genuine too.
Basically, there’s a reason why in the last chapter she automatically references “scientist means hero” with “Fuck, I’m turning into you!”
“So,” she says. “Nilanjana. Do you need new pronouns, or anything?”
“Does anyone need any pronouns?” asks Gary contemplatively, which Julie takes as a ‘No’.
“Should I drop ‘Gary’ entirely? Do you want me to change your name in our paperwork?”
He thinks about it for a moment. “I don't know, man,” he concludes. “I don’t really believe in labels.”
Gary has galaxy-brained from “gender is a social construct” straight to “identity is a social construct” and beyond. 
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” asks Julie.
“I think so, Dr. K,” says Gary. “But how will we get three pink flamingos into one pair of capri pants?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-xrnIXQ3iQ
What happens when the wave function ψ is the same as the physical system it describes, and what happens when that physical system collapses?
i.e. what would happen if common misperceptions of the Observer Effect were actually the correct perceptions?
Julie can’t help it: she snorts. “Passionate? Me?”“Well, yeah,” says Romero. “You really care about the things that interest you. You get really involved and angry and never quit or back down.”“Oh,” says Julie, then blurts, “You like that I’m angry?”“I… don’t like it when you’re unhappy?” says Romero. “But – it’s part of you, so… yeah, I guess I do, because it’s how you are. Why? Is – is everything okay?”She’s spent a lifetime having people tell her to stop being angry. No one’s ever told her she’s fine the way she is.
There have been many, many, MANY thinkpieces about how women are socialized not to express anger, often even to themselves. That was never going to work for Julie, who after all is powered by constant low-level rage, but that just means she had to deal with the backlash from not adhering to social programming instead (on top of additional backlash from being a woman in a male-dominated field). Of his own free will, Romero not only rejects that social programming, but also clearly spent time thinking about her empirically to determine that her anger is a positive force instead of a random and horrible personality trait.
He’s a Good Dude.
When she was in elementary school, her third grade teacher had been fond of saying, “If you’re bored, it means you have no imagination,” at least until Julie had decided to deal with her boredom after finishing her science assignment, her homework, and the rest of the textbook by seeing what happened if you jammed a paperclip into the electric socket. (The answer was certainly not boring and, in fact, probably the most exciting and practical thing they learned that year.)
That used to be my aunt’s favorite saying. I personally did not copy Julie’s response, but it is based on research done by one of my friends. (It’s okay, he was very careful about safety and made sure to use rubber-handled scissors to poke random bits of metal into the outlet. Apart from a classmate’s socks catching on fire, everyone was totally fine.)
She wakes to the sound of Cecil talking about the other week’s marathon, which may or may not have been mandatory, whoops. Carlos has texted her an emoji of various hadrosaurids gathered around a campfire singing “We Are the Champions”.
PREVIOUSLY IN NIGHT VALE:
EXT. - THE LABS
Thousands of citizens stream down Main Street, driven relentlessly forward to the Narrow Place. The Harbingers of the Distant Prince hurl themselves towards the building again and again, only to be rebuffed by the wards. Charred corpses lay scattered around the perimeter. Green storm clouds gather overhead as their anger grows. 
INT. - LAB ONE
ANDRE
Did you hear something?
JULIE
[not looking up from her welding]
No.
 Carlos, meanwhile, has NO idea his emojis are not in fact standard. 
“I liked him,” says Josie. [...] “He was trying to do… something, I forget what. I hope he figured it out.” At Julie’s incredulity, she says, “Some people, they’re rough around the edges, but they try. They hope for something better and keep going. That’s important.”
“What if you go where you’re not supposed to?”
“Then you come back and fix what you can,” says Josie.
“What if you can’t?”
“Then you find someone to help you,” Josie replies. “Oh! I love this song.”
She turns up the volume of the radio and treats everyone to the aria from Shastakovich’s Paint Your Wagon.
Vocals by L. Marvin
Angels chilling at your house are, of course, part of the standard retirement package for former Knights of the Church. Old Woman Josie used to carry Esperacchius and passed it on to the Egyptian, after which it went to Sanya. She and Shiro were buds and saw Elvis in Vegas (and also, interestingly, several times in the Ralphs).
Anyway, if you want to suggest that a character is subconsciously mulling over an issue, I recommend having them ask some leading questions without describing their reactions and then change the subject.
“It’s come to my attention,” she begins, then has to stop and clear her throat again. “It’s come to my attention that we have a pretty good thing going on. So I was just wondering if you’d like to keep doing this, you know. For the indefinite future. With me.”When he doesn’t say anything, or look at her, or move at all for that matter, she removes her hand from under her thigh where she’s been sitting on it and points at the lease. “I highlighted where you have to sign,” she says, somewhat unnecessarily. “If you wanted to.”
I think this is the only time we see Julie nervous about anything when her life is not actively in danger.
You can’t write a romance arc without including some degree of emotional vulnerability – it just wouldn’t be satisfying. On the other hand, how that emotional vulnerability manifests is REALLY dependent on the person, and if you don’t base it firmly in their character it wouldn’t be satisfying, either. (I’m REALLY picky about romances in part because of this.) Julie’s not the type to pine or swoon or be filled with self-doubt*, but she is bad at feelings, and unfortunately, she’s determined that an equitable relationship with Romero requires some kind of tangible, committed expression of them. So she does that as best she can. It’s not actively harmful to her, but it does require a stretch out of her comfort zone. 
* ::cough::Carlos::cough::
Yes, Julie has technically registered their equipment with City Hall, in that they’re listed as alternatively “electronic abaci” and “databases” and she’s claimed they only use the internet for checking email. Until now, they’ve coasted on general good will towards Carlos/his hair and the fact that all authority figures have been functionally electronically illiterate since the Incident in the community college’s Computer and Fire Sciences building.
Look, I could have SWORN there was an Incident at the Computer and Fire Sciences building specifically mentioned in canon. Can I find it anywhere? No. Did I listen to an episode that was subsequently erased from history? Possibly.
This time, someone picks up. There are a few seconds of sleepy fumbling, followed by “Hello?” in more vocal fry than voice.“Cecil!” she says. “Is Carlos there?”“Are you in fear for your life from the long arm of the law?” Cecil mumbles.
her current ringtone
“Julie, I said hold on!”“I am holding on,” she snarls as the rumbling stops. “It’s a diagnostic. 75% efficiency? Am I the only one who cares about proper maintenance in this town?”
This combines two of my favorite things: people focusing on hilariously inconsequential details during a stressful situation, and Julie lowkey engaging in supervillainy. Nikola Tesla did not design earthquake machines so Night Vale could install shitty ones they can barely use. STANDARDS.
“I probably wouldn’t have destroyed Weeping Miner,” she says eventually.
“I know,” says Carlos.
“I could have, though,” she says.
“I know that too,” says Carlos.
[...] Carlos shifts. She looks over; he briefly catches her eye and says, “So could I.”It’s not the same. Carlos would probably feel bad about it, for one. But she feels some of her anger dissipate anyway. At least she’s not the only one dealing with this bullshit.
Subconscious concern --> conscious concern! Getting back to Julie’s cynicism: she doesn’t think there are very many good people in the world, and that excludes her too. Sure, she’s risked her life to save others, fight baddies, and make sure the dangerous technology she’s developed doesn’t fall into the wrong hands, but she knows she has selfish reasons to do them, like protecting her friends and making sure the town/world isn’t destroyed so she can keep doing her research.
But at the same time, the fact that she has been dwelling on the ethics of her situation ever since Chapter 19 of Love is All You Need, that she is genuinely bothered that she’d consider destroying a neighborhood, and that she’s talking about this with Carlos, who considers them to have a similar dilemma, suggests that deep down she is dissatisfied by her cynical model of the world because the data isn’t quite matching up. Which, of course, means she needs more data in the form of Chapters 6 and 7.
On one side is a large picture of Carrie Fisher giving everyone the finger
I think Space Mom is mandatory at protests now. 
This whole section (especially the rain) was heavily influenced by the March for Science, which both Ginipig and I went to in 2017. You too can make a difference and also give yourself writing material!
“Any more words of wisdom, Usidork?” she asks instead.
USIDORE, WIZARD OF THE 12TH REALM OF EPHYSIYIES, MASTER OF LIGHT AND SHADOW, MANIPULATOR OF MAGICAL DELIGHTS, DEVOURER OF CHAOS, CHAMPION OF THE GREAT HALLS OF TERR'AKKAS. THE ELVES KNOW HIM AS FI’ANG YALOK. THE DWARFS KNOW HIM AS ZOENEN HOOGSTANDJES*. HE IS ALSO KNOWN IN THE NORTHEAST AS GAISMUNĒNAS MEISTAR AND HAS MANY OTHER SECRET NAMES WHICH YOU DO NOT… YET… KNOW.
* Hoobastank
He blinks at her in polite incomprehension. “I don’t want to miss the Life Raft Debate,” he says. “It’s important to support your department.”
Several universities hold yearly Raft Debates, where representatives from the different disciplines have a debate about which of their respective areas of study is the most vital for humanity and thus should get to take the one-person life raft back to civilization from the desert island they’ve all gotten stuck on.
I should inform you that at my alma mater the Devil’s Advocate, who argues that none of the subjects are worth saving, has won multiple times.
Without taking her eyes off her opponent, Romanoff thrusts out her hand. Dr. Aluki Robinson (Associate Professor of Ornithology) passes her a harpoon, its ivory barbs almost glowing in the dim light.
Nauja and Aluki are both from Cold Case, because no one deserves to be stuck in Cold Case where we’re apparently supposed to be deeply concerned about the main character’s sexual experience but only vaguely perturbed by the powerful white and white-coded women stealing Native American children to brainwash them to their culture so they can be fed to the system seriously WHAT the FUCK Jimbo
ANYWAY, in this universe the Winter fey of Unalaska are discharging their obligations to help the Winter Court against Outsiders by sending some of their people to monitor the prison in Night Vale. This also gets to highlight the fun of an unreliable narrator! Julie is generally not one of those, because she’s a smart and observant person who will happily question everything, but even she has her limits when she’s out of her element. In the case of this story, there are several minor details to suggest there is some Winter and Summer court drama going on in the background (the chlorofiends, an entire academic department of shapeshifters, Molly and Mab personally overseeing bus routes) and most of it just goes completely over her head.
During his undergraduate career, Gary had elicited a considerable amount of interdepartmental discussion about his desire to be exempted from lab regulations for wearing appropriate – or any – footwear in the lab, which evolved into a considerable amount of interdepartmental discussion about whether wrapping your feet in duct tape immediately before said lab time constituted appropriate footwear.
This was based on one of my mother’s students, who eventually resolved the situation by commissioning a handmade pair of moccasins he placed on his feet immediately before entering the lab.
“The scientific method is four steps,” says Carlos with a cheerful inevitability as the officers start shouting panicked instructions into their walkie talkies. “One, find an object you want to know more about; two, hook that object up to a machine using wires or tubes; three, write things on a clipboard; four, read the results that the machine prints.”
This is a direct quote from the book. Was this entire subplot about the scientific method ban designed just to come up with a plausible retcon for why someone with actual scientific training would announce this over the radio? It sure was!
THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD:
1. “Step one, cut a hole in the box,” calls Wei.2. “No, step one is collecting underpants,” says Gary.3. “Step four: make a searching and fearless moral inventory,” says Julie.4. “And then step five, acceptance,” Andre finishes.5. “You see, the first level is ennui, or boredom. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody or something specific – nostalgia, love-sickness… At more morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for. A sick pining, a vague restlessness. Mental throes. Yearning. And at the scientific method’s deepest and most painful level, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause.”6. “It’s how you decide whether to fix the problem with duct tape or WD-40,” says Julie.7. “I think,” says Osborn, “that it’s a divine machine for making flour, salt, and gold.”
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8. “Don’t be absurd,” says Galleti. “The scientific method is two vast and trunkless legs of stone standing in the desert!”
9. “And they say the scientific method is—”
“—the quality of cosiness and comfortable conviviality associated with sitting around a fire in the winter with close friends,” puts in Dr. Chelsea Dubinski, Assistant Professor of Chemistry.
10. “Or is it the special look shared between two people, when both are wishing that the other would do something that they both want, but neither want to do?” asks Galleti.
This section was also a chance to write about the rest of Night Vale’s scientists, of whom we still know so very little. There’s enough of them that there’s a whole science district, and the community college seems pretty well staffed, but the fact that Carlos made such an impact when he rolled into town suggests that they were either pretty lowkey or indistinguishably weird from the rest of the town.
“I don't feel alone,” snaps Julie. “I feel like shit, and I know why I feel like shit, and the thought of outlining that in excruciating detail is, oddly enough, not making me feel any better!”
One of the things I wanted to address in this story (inspired by Ghost Stories, which I uhhhhh did not care for) was the shortcomings of a lot of narratives about grief. Because many of them are not only oversimplified, but also not everyone processes grief in the same way. It’s not necessarily a linear narrative of where you go through the five steps and then you’re totally over it: it might take a long time, or you might be fine until some other, unrelated setback triggers you, or it might be a cyclical process as anniversaries roll around. Grief lingers. Related to that, helping people deal with their grief isn’t always as simple as sitting down with them and offering a sympathetic ear. Some people don’t process their feelings well verbally, and the emotional labor of formulating all your grief for another person’s consumption can be nearly as traumatizing as grieving in the first place, and VERY difficult to do when you’re already feeling down.
On top of that, I think general American culture is just. Real bad at dealing with grief. Which means we don’t have many positive models to base our responses on, either as grievers or as people supporting the grieving, and if you don’t fit those models at all it just makes the process that more difficult because everyone’s stumbling around in the dark.  
“Does it always feel like this?” she asks.“Which part?” asks Carlos.“We won,” says Julie. “Methods have lived to science another day. We can do our work without interference. All we did was lie about what the name meant, but…” She taps the lab table with a pencil. Another secret violation of the law. “It still feels like we… lost something.”“We did lose something,” says Carlos. “It was just a name, but names are important.”
One of the reasons I love writing Carlos and Julie’s friendship so much is because it’s such a relationship of equals. They’re both hypercompetent, pragmatic, and a little ruthless; their skill sets don’t have much overlap (at least, not yet) and their personalities aren’t at all similar, but they get each other and it’s so sweet. When they wander out of their respective areas of expertise, or stumble across some kind of dilemma, they feel comfortable asking each other for guidance – they can admit their ignorance and drop their public facades of Having Their Shit Together because they trust each other. 
“I want—” Her mouth opens and shuts again, wordlessly. Her scowl deepens.Then she narrows her eyes and says, “Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.”
Molly being a huge Trekkie is pretty much my favorite thing from Ghost Story (not to be confused with Ghost Stories)(although thinking about it, swapping their plots would be kind of amazing??), so of course I wanted her and Julie to interact in a way that showed off what huge nerds they are.
But yet another element I wanted to include in this story is the background detail that ~the masquerade~ must be maintained because it’s too dangerous for humanity as a whole to be fully cognizant of the supernatural – which tends to get a little lost in the sauce, because the supernatural is consistently super duper powerful and our heroes (most of them pretty supernatural themselves) generally avert disaster by the skin of their teeth. But here’s Julie, just a regular human who’s capable of producing terrifying technology, has no concern for the rules and traditions of ancient regimes unless they’re inconveniencing her, and who would be perfectly fine with upending the status quo just to see what happens. Regular humans just aren’t more flexible about change than the supernatural, they’re even curious about it sometimes – which must be terrifying to something like the Winter Court, which has been devoted to maintaining the same strict balance since forever. Regular humans can do stuff like tell a story so well it inspires the Winter Lady to subvert her magical restrictions and remind her of her own humanity.
Julie grumpily emails him a rough summary of her thoughts on Troy Walsh and her conversation with Molly and heads up to her office to pull up everything she has on both the bus garage and the man in the tan jacket.
Bullshit secretkeeping (“I can’t tell the other main character this important plot point, it’s better if they don’t know”) is one of my least favorite tropes and I avoid it at all costs. It’s such a stupid way to add tension. It can maybe work once, but after your character has inevitably watched it backfire spectacularly, you can’t repeat it ever again unless you want to imply they’re a dumbass who never learns from their own mistakes and apparently doesn’t care that it clearly puts everyone in more danger. ::looks pointedly at a certain book series::
Also, it’s almost always much more interesting to have characters try to share important information. If they don’t succeed, it coats everything in ironic horror as the outcomes one person tried to avoid happen despite their best efforts. If they do succeed, it means everyone is fully cognizant of the potential danger even as they are still prevented from acting on it properly, like because they (e.g.) get kidnapped in the middle of the street. 
King City is not in the correct dimension. The man in the tan jacket seems to know something about this, but up until a year ago he wasn’t drawing attention to it. He was busy poking his nose into everyone’s business, ingratiating himself with the powerful and the influential, dealing with them in secret…basically, the SOP of your typical Night Vale authority.Like the Night Vale Area Transit Authority, with its bus route to… King City.They had a job and they chose to keep it, Molly said.“Fuck,” says Julie. “He was working for them!”
In retrospect, it’s hilarious to me how much of this fic was powered by spite. Ghost Stories and Cold Case both really bothered me. The resolution of the Man in the Tan Jacket storyline, meanwhile, felt pretty underwhelming – not because what Finknor came up with wasn’t interesting, but because it barely engaged with the few plot points they had already established. Like, when TMITJ shows up in the podcast he interferes with the Mayor, he’s connected to the city under Lane Five, he surfaces during the Strex Corp arc, he interacts with a whole bunch of series regulars in an ominous fashion… Yeah, that probably came from Finknor dropping him in more or less at random, but the end result was that during the first several years of the show it seemed he was an active driver of whatever his plot was supposed to be. In WTNV: The Novel, though, he’s much more reactive and impotent. This wouldn’t necessarily be bad if this change was acknowledged as part of his storyline, but… it’s not… 
(And I get that it can be difficult to come up with a plot for an element you didn’t intend to be plotty at all, but like: there wasn’t THAT much material they had to account for. I should know, I had to look it all up to write THIS story.)
I think this was especially frustrating because it ends up feeling like a “have your cake and eat it too” on the part of Finknor: it’s not automatically bad when fans care more about the show’s continuity than the creators (creators have different concerns, and a lot of time that means they’re using the creative latitude to do something neat), but the novel was very much presented as “finally, a resolution to that one mystery you find cool!” which is… pretty much a direct appeal to the fans’ care about the continuity. So to then ignore or retcon so many aspects of the continuity without any story payoff for it feels like a cheat. 
(Ultimately, though, my inspiration to actually sit down and write mainly sprang from 1) all the lovely comments about how so many people loved my OFC, which as someone who started lurking in online fandom in the early 2000s was both mind-boggling and heartwarming, and 2) lol those ladies have the same name. I learned nothing.)
She gets the call at 21:27. She goes to the hospital, although there’s not much point. The human mind is the most powerful thing on the planet and it's housed in a fragile casing of meat and bone.
I’ve mentioned a few times (possibly more than a few)(probably more than a few) that I didn’t like the WTNV live ep Ghost Stories, and that’s because the ~big reveal~ is that Cecil’s story was actually about a personal family tragedy, and once he’s able to admit that, everything is hunky-dory. As I recall, it went something like this:
WTNV: hey remember that time your mom died and your family was thrown into chaos
ME: WELL NOW I DO
WTNV: and on that note, good night everyone!
Needless to say, everything was not hunky-dory. 
But on top of being emotionally compromised for the whole following week, I was also professionally annoyed. Prior to this live show, we’d had a few cryptic references to Cecil’s mom and could reasonably infer that his relationship with his sister was strained. Critically, though, neither was their own clearly-defined character (compare to the treatment of Janice or Steve Carlsberg), these were not frequently recurring elements that would suggest they weighed heavily on Cecil’s mind, and it wasn’t even obvious that their backstory WAS particularly tragic. So the emotional lynchpin of this live show was mostly new information about Cecil regarding characters the audience had no connection to.
Tragic narratives are powerful not only because they evoke intense emotions, but also because those emotions are supposed to go somewhere and do something: provide catharsis, reinforce the artist’s philosophy, make the audience ponder the meaning of life... In using a tragedy as a plot twist, your ability to give it the proper emotional arc is very limited, because you have to misdirect from its existence while building it up, and then quickly progress from upsetting emotions to those more appropriate for concluding the story. That’s not impossible, but Ghost Stories immediately throws a wrench in the works by splitting the audience’s emotional journey away from Cecil’s: he already knew about the tragedy and the people involved with it, so the plot twist acts as his emotional catharsis... but only his. When the twist itself is the first time the audience realizes there ARE emotions, and that the first 85% of the show was completely unrelated to them, there’s simply not enough time for the audience to have them, process them according to the story’s weird ramblings that kinda imply fiction based on real life is more important than genre fiction like horror (PS: that’s a WEIRD take for a fictional horror podcast), and reach their own kind of catharsis without it being horrifically rushed. Particularly when they’re having a WAY more emotional response than the character due to their own personal tragedies which they were not expecting to have to think about during a fun podcast live show about ghost stories.
As stuff like this points out, you can’t just sprinkle in character deaths and expect quality entertainment to sprout: there has to be a purpose to putting the tragedy in the story (even if that purpose is to highlight how purposeless tragedy can be in real life). I’ve always been VERY critical of the assumption that tragedy is ~more artistic~, both in historical lit and modern pop culture; sad emotions aren’t inherently more meaningful than happy ones. Merely including tragic events isn’t deep; you have to do the work and make it deep, in its context and development.
So: on to ::gestures proudly:: probably the worst thing I’ve ever written!
From an aesthetic standpoint, I leaned into the Night Vale house style in this section because I found it to be really effective at conveying the enormity of the tragedy for Julie: it’s pretty blunt, just like her, but the focus on oddly specific details, the narrative distancing, and the lurking sense of existential horror seemed a fitting demonstration of how badly the emotional gutpunch disrupted her narration/life. 
And I really wanted it to be an emotional gutpunch. (But not a surprise: even if I hadn’t warned for it specifically, Julie mentions Romero dying all the way back in Ch. 10 of Love is All You Need.) This is in part a story about grief and mourning, so the loss that caused it needed a central place. I wanted it to be powerful enough to retroactively fit in with how upset Julie is in the opening chapters and to add real tension to the devil’s bargain the feds want to make with her in the next chapter. But most importantly, I wanted it to be so significant to both Julie and the audience that the end of the story has an impact. Loss doesn’t get “cured” – but it seems to me like it’s not supposed to be. Loss is a part of life; love, in whatever form, helps give you strength as you grow and change from the experience into someone new, and this is also a story about the love in friendship.
I think a lot about the ethics of writing tragic stuff, because when you get right down to it, ultimately art boils down to poking your fingers in someone’s feelings and stirring them around. People get really invested in the stuff you are responsible for creating, and making someone feel bad for no reason isn’t being an artist, it’s being a dick. But I’m very happy with how this turned out, and hopefully didn’t traumatize anyone who didn’t want to be traumatized.
(I do feel bad for everyone who was reading as I posted that had to wait an entire year for the next chapter, though. I wanted to get something up sooner, but I had to wait until I sorted Chapter 6 and Chapter 6 was just. The worst. WORDS ARE HARD. People who read WIPs are braver than any Marine.)
hmu for more dvd commentary!
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scorpio-karma · 5 years
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Kat is biracial but her delusional black female stans insist on claiming her as black simply because of her phenotype and proximity to whiteness being a celebrity. I had a feeling Kat would agree with original anon. Y'all do this with all black biracial actresses (Zendaya, Candice Patton, etc). Stop claiming them then crying dark skin erasure.
KG claims her Jewish side more than anything. I don't blame her.
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Breathe in, breathe out, deep breaths
Where do I start without just screaming in all caps because honestly I'm just tempted to do that and not dealing with you at all, but I can't just leave it at that because you not only need a history lesson but you need to learn it's not okay to say this shit. To quote a friend of mine, just say you hate black people and go because to be coming in my inbox with this nonsense, that's essentially all you said.
I love how this morning you wanted to remind me that Kat is black, but now all you want me to do is acknowledge that she's white. The perfect kind of consistency for someone of this caliber.
Anyway, let's break this down sentence by sentence because otherwise I'll have an aneurysm trying to address all that nonsense at once.
Kat's biracial
No shit sherlock, how long did it take you to figure that out? More than one wikipedia search?
but her black delusional fans insist on claiming her as black because of her phenotype and proximity to whiteness being a celebrity.
Some mighty fancy words for complete bullshit. Maybe her "delusional black fans" claim her as black because she's, surprise surprise, black! Claiming her as black simply because she looks black would be like Nina Dobrev's latino fans claiming her as latino simply because she's tan, but they don't because every part of her is eastern European AKA white.
I have a feeling Kat would agree with the original anon.
Other than she's from the Kpelle tribe of Liberia which is a fact, there's nothing to agree on. In fact, she'd probably be quite offended that someone is speaking on her behalf with words she's never said. If she has taken issue with what I post on my personal blog, trust me she would make it known herself, but as it stands I am a random tumblr blog who isn't @ing in any capacity, so she could give zero fucks about what Isay because she has no idea who the fuck I am. I'm a nobody and perfectly fine with that.
She would also probably take issue with the way you're addressing her black fans because while, as you so eloquently keep reminding me, she is half white, she's also half black and that makes up a considerable portion of her phenotype and as such affects the way the world views her and people treat her. She has experienced racism, especially from the fandom of a show she was on for 8 years, so to see you targeting her black fans in such a malicious manner, I don't see her taking too kindly to that. Nothing in the history of ever has been solved with racism plain and simple.
Y'all do this with all black biracial actresses (Zendaya, Candice Patton, etc.) Stop claiming them then crying dark skin erasure.
I wasn't aware being biracial meant you got to pick which race you are. In that case, from now on I will be known as a white woman. When I get angry I will be called the angry white woman. When I say something sassy I'll be known as the sassy white woman. And when I express even the slightest opinion I will be known as that rude white girl. Or...it doesn't work like that because no matter how many times I tell people I'm just white (which makes up 30% of my DNA btw) no one is going to see me as anything other than black and the shit ton of hurdles that come with it. I can't lean into being white and neither can they.
That "one drop" rule that you're claiming black fans do, is actually something implemented by white people. They needed their people pure as snow, you have one drop of anything other than white you couldn't claim them. Historically we are the only people who claim biracial black people because that's how fucked up the world is. Yes, she's half white, but trust me, ain't no white people claiming her, or Zendaya as white (as far as I know Candice isn't biracial and even if she was she has said herself she identifies as a black woman, would you like us to keep her from that because she has one drop of white in her?). To them they are black and nothing else. To us they are black and white which comes with it's privileges over dark-skinned black people due to them being lighter and the supremacy the euro-centricism has put on light/whiteness, but as I stated before that comes with it's own complications with identity.
It's not a one or the other situation, it's both. They're black and they're on a lighter spectrum due to being biracial so Hollywood/Life has implemented a dark-skin erasure. You're erasing something that's such a big part of their experiences in life, not us. Her "delusional black fans" know she's biracial and have yet to claim her to be anything else or erased that side of her the way you're doing her blackness.
KG claims her Jewish side more than anything. I don't blame her.
I don't know what rock you live under but jewish does not equate white. She's black and Jewish, not black or Jewish. It may have been a funny or die sketch, but I see no lie. And even is she wasn't Jewish due to her white mother that still wouldn't mean anything because there are several Jewish people of different races, in fact I believe that is a major religion in Ethiopia. That's the crazy thing about religion, anyone can be apart of it. I don't blame her for embracing her Jewish side either because it's an integral part of her just like being black is.
Edit: I forgot, something was cloying at me about what you said. Clearly I and many of her "delusional black fans" were offended by this but this isn't the first time I've felt offended by this. And then I remembered:
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Congratulations! You've reached Matt Davis level of racism.
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Text
What are all these "author rules" we're supposedly breaking?
It happens at least once a week. I receive a newsletter in my inbox telling me about the top 10 rules I’m accidentally breaking as an author or the top 5 rules I should NEVER break as an author. . .
First of all, I haven’t published a book in 4 years, so I KNOW that I haven’t broken any of these rules recently, but I can’t help but wonder where all these rules are coming from and what’s going to happen if I’ve broken one of them. Is my college professor who ruled over her grammar class like a dictator going to show up and lock me in grammar prison? 
Based on all these articles that I continue to receive on a weekly basis and read because I just can’t help myself, I have determined that these rules are nothing more than grammar, punctuation, and plot development suggestions to make publications feel important and needed. 
Does that mean that these suggestions are bad? Not at all! In fact, if you find that they help you improve your writing, then that’s fantastic! But let’s not pretend like someone is going to lock away your book for all of eternity if you break one of these “rules.”
All of this being said, Riley and I thought we would review some of these rules and what we think about them as indie authors, and then we would go over a different kind of advice, one that is absolutely important for this day and age.
So let’s get started!
Always be consistent with point of view
Riley: Why is this a rule? I could never understand that. What better way to show two different points of view for differing characters. After all, what your narrator sees is different than your protagonist or antagonist.
Ann: I think this rule is more a reminder to the author to be conscious of how you’re speaking to your readers. Jumping around from first person to second person to even third person can be very jarring. That being said, if you have a creative reason for changing up your point of view, go with it! Let those creative juices flow and have fun with it. 
Never start a story with the character waking up
Riley: This is just ridiculous. Our jobs as authors is to connect our characters with our readers. A simple way to do this is to use little actions we all use, like waking up.
Ann: Who are we (or who is anyone really) to tell you how to start your story? Each day we wake up is potentially a new start to something exciting, something traumatic, or something completely life changing. We have no idea. If that’s how you want to begin your work, you have every right to do so. There are a lot of books out there. To say that you have to be fully original in the way you begin you work is a tad ridiculous. Start it the way you want to start it. Be you. Don’t worry about whether or not it’s been “overdone.” Your work is unique to you. As long as you’re not plagiarizing, we won’t judge. 
Never use adverbs, and especially not with speech tags
Riley: I get it, too many people use "like" all the time. That doesn't mean you should restrict creative juices. A few are fine, and I believe they enhance your work, as long as you don't carry them too far.
Ann: I think anything in moderation is fine. Honestly, the only reason to consider looking this in depth at your individual sentences and paragraphs is to intensify the action your characters are taking. If your work feel disjointed and a bit passive, then maybe you should look to this as a recommendation. But really, let’s all just calm down, shall we? 
Never give main characters names that begin with the same letter
Ann: Sigh...So many of us authors feel the same way about our characters. They name themselves. We’re merely transcribing the story. It’s possible that some people who aren’t carefully reading your work will become confused, but the people who really care will be able to keep track of your characters as long as they’re memorable. I don’t even remember a time when I confused Eowyn with Arwen, even though they’re pretty similar. . .but my husband doesn’t even remember that there were two main female characters in Lord of the Rings. The people who are invested in your work will know the difference. 
Riley: I really can't add anything to this. Besides, you should be striving to make your characters individual enough that you could almost name them all the same thing.
Never info dump
Ann: Info dumps can be beneficial. I think it’s important to keep it entertaining and make it pertinent to the plot, but when done well, I fully enjoy being caught up on what I need to know about the world an author has worked so hard to create. 
Riley: Aye, exposition used in the correct way can really further your books. Look at how George RR Martin uses sex in his books. There are a ton of plot points dropped in between all the genitalia.
Kill your darlings (crutch phrases)
Riley: Actually I would tell you to do what your story tells you to. You never know when you'll suddenly be struck by an idea. Besides, if you really don't like it, take it out at editing time.
Ann: I think this is from Stephen King’s advice about the written work, but you can look at it from a variety of perspectives. If we’re talking about characters, you’re allowed to kill off any character you like - just have some good reasoning for it if it’s a particular fan favorite. (Looking at you George R.R. Martin) If we’re talking about crutch phrases, I think this is something to keep in mind just to ensure you’re not overusing a phrase. I recently listened to a podcast in which the interviewer used the phrase “100%” at least 30 times. Just be aware of the words you’re using. I don’t think there’s any set limit. Maybe your character has a favorite phrase that she or he uses consistently. Maybe it’s for comedic purposes. Regardless, do what works for your book.
Riley: And thus we see the joy of English. I took that rule literally!
Don’t use passive phrases
Riley: Passive phrasing has been a weakness of mine since I started writing. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over it, as I believe it offers versatility. I could be wrong, but I don't believe I am.
Ann: Why are suggestions often confused with rules? Don’t people realize that authors see the word “Don’t” as a challenge? Should we overuse passive phrases? Probably not as it makes for weak paragraphs and tends to make our readers feel left out of the action. But should we NEVER use it? That seems extreme. An occasional passive phrase isn’t going to sabotage your work.
Never open a book with weather
Riley: Again with the inane rules about how to start your book. Whatever the first words are that get you started and fit the story, they're the correct ones.
Ann: *rolls up sleeves* Is that a challenge? Seriously. DO. WHAT. YOU. WANT. Maybe your character is watching the incoming storm and thinking about how cliche it is that a storm would happen on THIS of ALL nights. As long as you’ve got a good hook, roll with it. A plot device can be used poorly or incredibly well. Just because some people have used it poorly doesn’t mean that you can’t use it to your advantage. I imagine that a lot of real life stories have begun with a turn in the weather. 
Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue
& then Never use an adverb to modify the verb “said”
Ann: To quote John Locke, “DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO!” Seriously, let’s find a happy medium, shall we? I feel like I’m just repeating myself with each of these. An argument can be made either way. I try to use a variety of phrases and words and I’ve never felt that my work has suffered as a result of it. 
Riley: Besides, I read somewhere that readers skip 90% of your dialogue tags. So what does it matter? Use what you want!
Avoid cliches
Ann: Do you know how many cliches there are out there? And do you know how often we identify with cliches because they are so common? One of my college professors would mark down our grades for any cliches used. She and I did not get along very well. Can cliches be used to your advantage? Yes, yes, absolutely, 100%, yes. Should you attempt to use every single cliche in one work? …. Again, that seems like a challenge...
Riley: Just look at a hero's journey. How many books are based off of this "cliche" idea. Remember, it's all in the eyes of the beholder.
Don’t attempt to use semicolons
Ann: We have so many resources at our disposal. Do your research. Learn to understand, love, and utilize the semicolon. The internet is vast. If my husband can learn to install a toilet via YouTube, you can learn to use the semicolon and have a very successful relationship with it.
Riley: Yes! Use Google, use YouTube, use the resources afforded to us in these modern ages, and work that language.
Show don’t tell
Riley: Why shouldn't I show? What's wrong with painting a clear line that's easy for readers to follow? Not every story has to have a mystery or a twist. Some can be straightforward.
Ann: Sometimes you should show and sometimes you should tell. Only you can decide which is the right course in your particular work. Listen to your beta readers. Listen to your own instincts. Use what feels right to you and what feels right to the words you’re writing. I think that both can be an effective means of communicating to your readers. 
Never start your book at the end of the story
Riley: What better way to get the tone for the rest of the book? I mean, there's a lot that can happen between the start and the finish, and some stories change over time. What better way to prepare your readers for the insane ride ahead?
Ann: “The end is only the beginning.” From The Mummy, right? But still true. If you have a reason for doing it, then by all means, stride boldly forward. Be confident in your decision. 
Turn off the TV 
Riley: Some of my best writing is done with a TV on! The sound of the voices in the background offer just enough of a distraction for my ADD addled brain. It helps me focus in the long run, and inspires me to do better than what I hear and see.
Ann: No, there is no singular right way to write a book. If you’re distracted by the television, radio, etc, then change your setting up. Find what works best for you and stick with that. I listen to music or have movies playing in the background as I work. Sometimes I need distractions because I get lost in my own thoughts and can’t force my fingers to type with all the conflicting plot points. A distraction helps me zone out and move forward. I can edit the dust bunnies out later. 
Stay away from sentences that start with the words “there are” or “there is"
Riley: There is something wrong with this rule. There are people who truly believe this, and that makes me sad. English is a flexible language, use it.
Ann: A truly masterful answer, Riley. Enough said. 
Write what you know
Riley: How do I expand my point of view then? I have never once done heroin, but people have told me Everyone Dies At The End did a great job of explaining heroin addiction and the demons it causes. Research, and write what you don't know.
Ann: Does no one know how to use the internet? Or a library? Or even discussing with your friends who know about the subject when you don’t? We have some pretty powerful brains. Use the opportunity to learn something new. If you’re determined to write about a topic you know very little about, then you’ll do your due diligence and learn about it in order to write about it. And you’ll be a better person for it in the end. We should all be attempting to expand our horizons with a little research every now and then. 
Treat writing as a job
Riley: Maybe you’re lucky, maybe you're in the minority of people and you love your job. Most people don't. I love to write, I wish I had more time to devote to it. I love the freedom it gives me, especially in our modern age where I can literally pick up my phone at any time and start writing. Don't treat writing like a job, treat it like something you love to do.
Ann: Why, so I can hate it? You know what I did when I worked? I wrote. You know what I do now that I’m a stay at home mom who home schools her kiddos and designs websites? I don’t write because I feel like I SHOULD be writing. Find the joy it in it and stick with that. If sitting down at your computer from 9-5 with the sole purpose of writing brings you joy, then do it. But that doesn’t work for me and I refuse to adhere to that. 
Focus on quality over quantity
Ann: What are we talking about here? Word count? Published book count? Pseudonym count? It’s so vague. If you’re capable of publishing a book a month and you feel passionate about that, then you go! Should we be working to put our best foot forward? Yes. But only you can decide when you’re ready to publish your book. Don’t let someone tell you that you shouldn’t just because you published a book a mere six months ago and you can’t possibly have completed another book since then that’s worth anyone’s time. Do what you feel led to do. And don’t let anyone shame you for that. 
Riley: The most prolific author of our times has an entire religion based around some of his writings. Love him or hate him, L. Ron Hubbard has shown me that less isn't necessarily better. The man wrote in the golden age of pulp fiction, and had grammatical errors throughout his works. And yet, there are millions of people that follow his words to a point of reverence. This is not an endorsement or a chastisement of Scientology. Just something I always think about when people mention quality over quantity.
If you’ve read through all of our answers above, you’ve seen a common theme. A confusion over “rules” versus suggestions given to make us really examine our work prior to publishing. Don’t confuse the two or you’ll end up driving yourself (and everyone around you) completely insane with your constant recitation of grammar and writing rules.
I personally believe that any suggestion that makes you take a second look or a fresh look at your current WIP is helpful. But that doesn’t mean that you should lose sleep over the idea that one might have slipped by you during your editing process.
Sleep well. Write on. And Support Indie Authors!
-Ann Livi Andrews and Riley Amos Westbrook
Looking for more?
Our moderator, Dwayne Fry recently published his thoughts on Self Publishing in a book titled: Things I’ve Learned as an Indie Author. Some of the above rules are addressed as well as a multitude of others. If you’re looking for a fresh perspective on your work, I highly recommend giving it a read. You may see your work in an entirely new light. 
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atmilliways · 5 years
Note
M, A for Stuck on the Outside Failing to Look In (Just Like in Real Life), K, E for that one fic your wrote on LJ where Toki and Skwis both wind up in the hospital after hooking up too much because *I* want it, C, H, A again for All is Calm, All is Dark, R, L, E for Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner, S, N, N again, A again for A Murder of Two, T, H, A again DEALER'S CHOICE, N a third time, K, I, and two S's.
“Make Charles n Nathan kiss.” 
Have done, can do, will do! And kudos for making me go back to LiveJournal for a fic I hadn’t even planed on moving over to Ao3 because I was worried it was too dramatic. 
(Fanfic Ask Meme) 
M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?
Hm, what have I not already blabbed about… Oh, you’ll like this. I’ve semi started working on a preklok fic where Nathan and Skwisgaar share an apartment and it’s an absolute sty, so Nathan gets some homeless kid to clean it in exchange for food and use of their shower. Enter Toki. Cue eventual threesome. 
Eventually once Magnus is kicked out of the band they’re going to conspire to “hold auditions” for the rhythm guitar part but have Toki show up late and blow everyone else out of the water while they pretend to be surprised.
A: How did you come up with the title to Stuck on the Outside Failing to Look In (Just Like in Real Life)?
A lot of the Skwistok I write tends to feature both of them being idiots who aren’t good at communication. Like in that fixed you wanted me to pull a slide your house where they both end up in the hospital for stupidity related. Stuck on the Outside is the most reflective of that, title-wise. 
K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?
In terms of drawn out angst? Take Me To Church. Nine chapters plus a prologue and epilogue of Charles scrambling to figure out what is even happening, and the learning curve is not kind to him. 
E: If you wrote a sequel to that one fic your wrote on LJ where Toki and Skwis both wind up in the hospital after hooking up too much because I want it, what would it be about? 
After they’re both released from the hospital, they continue to Not Talk About It until cornered by the rest of the band. When asked why they were gone for so long Skwisgaar has an aneurism-like idea and just blurts out “Guitars!!” So they haphazardly cobble together an excuse about how they’ve been doing a lot of “extra practice sessions” to get Toki up to speed on some of his trickier parts.
Basically, they hash out an agreement for their “extra practice session” relationship with Nathan, Pickles, and Murderface not only listening, but chiming in with helpful shit like “Yeah Skwisgaar you make sure he gets all the extra practice he needs!!” 
C: What character do you identify with the most?
Nathan. I guess because he’s kind of the most “omfg can we just get shit done” of the group while also being such a perfectionist to the point of “nope, not good enough, start all over again from scratch and get it right motherfucker.” I can relate to both of those things. And he strikes me as such a Taurus (stubborn as hell, bull in a china shop, etc), which I also am, so there’s that too. 
H: How would you describe your style?
I wouldn’t, because it’s hard. 
A: How did you come up with the title to All is Calm, All is Dark? 
Don’t quote me on this, I’m only the author or whatever, but I think I wrote it or titled it or something over the holidays one year as a fluff present for a friend. The title is based on a line from Silent Night, but I changed “bright” to “dark” because Charles needs a dim, quiet space to relax and recharge. 
R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?
Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, Robin McKinley, and… a lot more. I’m basically a sponge. In high school, while we were reading Grapes of Wrath in lit class, I wrote a story in my creative writing class that was kind of fantasy, kind of magical realism, but depressingly paced like that one chapter where the fucking turtle crosses the fucking road, thank you John fucking Steinbeck. 
Also a million billion fanfic writers across five or six different fandoms. 
L: What’s the weirdest AU you’ve ever come up with?
Personally, I consider coming up with a headcanon for a Metalocalypse Fraiser AU pretty weird on the grounds that it’s obscure, and I’m still amazed that enough people both knew what I was talking about and felt moved to make “oh my god you did it” comments. 
E: If you wrote a sequel to Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner, what would it be about? 
Hm. Well, because I originally intended for it to be a Nathan/Charles story and it just sort of, uh, veered off on a different course there… So the sequel would probably be something like Nathan, Skwisgaar, and Toki still casually hooking up occasionally, but outside of those threesomes it’s basically just Skwistok. After a while of this, Skwisgaar starts teasing Nathan that Charles has a crush on him, and then Toki joins in, and then they start asking Charles “subtle” questions to try and suss out if it’s true, and it is. Meanwhile, Nathan’s still going through his “huh, I guess I’m bi then, okay… huh” thing and convinced that this crush rumor is bullshit. 
Eventually the conspiring Scandinavians get those two crazy kids together, and make Charles a badly spelled Welcome To Our Threesome banner that absolutely does not leave the room intact. 
S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?
I love doing missing scene/behind the scenes stuff. Like, you know, basically all of Take Me To Church. It’s such a challenge to on one hand know in my heart that Charles and Nathan are meant to be, but on the other not actually deviate from any established canon. 
N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?
Yeah, somebody write that sequel I described for Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner. You have my blessing. Title it, I Carried A Watermelon Named Nathan. 
N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?
Someone write B.A.N.D.M.A.T.E.S for me. I mean, I’m gonna, but I have stuff going on at the moment and I want to read it now. 
A: How did you come up with the title to A Murder of Two?
A murder is a group of crows. There’s a Counting Crows song called A Murder of One, which is also where I got the idea for my murderofonerose screen name. (Rose is my middle name and it was back when I was still being dramatic about being single.) 
So considering the rest of the band was killed by black birds, crows seemed fitting. And the whole “he’ll always have Charles” thing. They’ll stick together, their own little murder of two. 
T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?
Rapefic. I’ll just casually refrain from reading that, nbd. 
H: How would you describe your style?
Okay, whatever, I’ll do it, fine. 
Very character driven. Always has been, even before I discovered fanfiction, because creating and/or developing characters is my favorite part. Buuuut it means I’m sometimes lacking in setting and plot… It’s a constant struggle. I’ve also always had kind of a thing for unreliable narrators — or not unreliable exactly, it’s not like they’re intentionally lying to do, but just you get most things filtered through their personal biases. That’s why I want Take Me To Church to have a companion story from Nathan’s point of view, so I can beat y’all with the dead horse that is everything that has flown over Charles’ head due to low emotional intelligence. 
A: How did you come up with the title to DEALER’S CHOICE?
I know this is payback, but is anyone else starting to think that Dealer’s Choice would make a great fic title? And then the answer to this question would be, “Well this one time I was being an absolute madwoman/maniac and spammed a couple people’s inbox with lettered ask memes that doubled as a secret message because I’m a smartass. Blame my family for being awful at actual conversations and emotional support but superb at puns and one-liners. Anyway, one thing lead to another and they got me back, but I continued to be a smartass and used this as a title so I could continue to tell this story about singlehandedly revolutionizing the ask meme industry.“ 
N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?
Yeah, there is, a sequel to Stay Alive. *mic drop* 
K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?
In terms of “oh, that’s… not good…” feels? I think it’s He Came Back (Wrong). Nathan definitely has feelings for Charles, confused and complicated as they are, but if he’s not quite the same person anymore then how is anything ever going to get resolved? 
I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?
Mainlining ridiculously long fics from start to finish, but they have to be complete and they have to really grab me. I have done this a few times since college and it’s simultaneously always worth it and always a Bad Idea. 
S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?
Confessions of Feelings while drunk and/or high. 
S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?
Fuck or Die. I mean, constructing the situation alone is impressive, because how often does that sort of thing even crop up.
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captainmazzic · 5 years
Text
So every now and again I get a message in my inbox asking about what I thought about such-and-such a thing in new canon, or if I’m intending on writing any meta or analysis on a particular subject in Star Wars. And sometimes I keep those messages sitting in my inbox for months (one has been sitting there for a little over a year), because I think, maybe I will feel comfortable doing in-depth meta again and I’ll wish I’d remembered what this message had asked. But as time goes by I don’t think that’s going to happen.
Okay. Real talk for a minute here. Bear with me as I’m long-winded and I don’t really have a concise way of communicating this. Potential political views and personal opinions on certain points in cinematic history below.
Short backstory first. I’m an older Star Wars fan. I was a tiny child when the last of the original trilogy came out, and both my parents are sci-fi nerds so I was practically raised on Star Wars. They are also tabletop RPG nerds so I was also raised on D&D and the like. So naturally when Star Wars tabletop RPGs were floating around I snapped them up and consumed them like candy. The novels were a natural extension of the RPGs, and I consumed those just as enthusiastically. The Expanded Universe was my bread and butter, and to this day I’m very nostalgic and fond of it even if most of it is quite laughably terrible.
Where am I going with this? Everything is a product of their time. The original trilogy was created when George Lucas was a young liberal-minded fresh-faced director looking to change the world and make his mark. This was the 70s, war was awful, the government was evil, hippies and protests were everywhere, and the only thing that seemed to have any hope of changing the world were small bands of spunky misfits with a mission and a message. And that mentality is one that shows, in the original Star Wars films. Lucas designed the Empire as a representation of the United States circa the Vietnam War, just dressed up in the fashion and ceremony of Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union. (Sources: Chris Taylor, How Star Wars Conquered the Universe, Pp. 87-88; Michael Ondaatje, The Conversations: Walter Murch and the Art of Editing Film, p.70) The message of the original trilogy boiled down to “the ability of a small group of people to defeat a gigantic power simply by the force of their convictions… no matter how small you are, you can defeat the overwhelmingly big power.” (quote: Walter Murch). He really struggled to get Star Wars onto the big screen, with a lot of setbacks and rejections, and many times when he thought it would never happen. But it did, and it was wildly successful. And I think in part it was because that message really spoke to people, and it didn’t hurt that it was wrapped up in a package with cool laser swords and explosions and space battles.
But then the 80s happened. And the 90s happened. And through that, what happened to Lucas is what happens to many people as they gain success, wealth, and fame as they grow older. The system started to work for him instead of against him. Suddenly the Powers That Be weren’t trying to suppress his ideas from getting to an audience; suddenly all those organizations that seemed so hell-bent on keeping him out were now enabling him to get and stay in, to conserve and gain influence; suddenly his opinion counted for so much it almost seemed god-like, especially in this galaxy far, far away that was unflowering under his direction and all-seeing eye. I guess the system isn’t so bad after all, eh?
And thus we have the Prequels. They can be a rollicking good time, but their message is muddled. Before them the books and the RPGs seemed to try as best they could to hold on to that earlier message of underdog vs. the powers-that-be (with the RPGs succeeding more often, imho), but they couldn’t continue in the face of their Ultimate Creator coming back in to make more SW movies. With the Prequels, suddenly the Old Republic is portrayed as noble and struggling instead of corrupt and dying, with a lot of hand-waving and “something something well actually” in regards to the role of the Jedi, the nature of the Senate, etc. There’s mixed messages where sometimes we get the old Star Wars back, with energetic groups of activists and freedom fighters trying to bring down the oppressors, but there’s also a lot of storytelling awkwardness where the audience is implored to trust the authorities and rely on the judgment of those with power over you within the same breath. This trend continues throughout the Clone Wars animation, and it is there that it becomes often so cognitively dissonant one wonders how you don’t get whiplash trying to follow whatever garbled message they think they’re communicating. And I think that’s where the Star Wars franchise really began to become a monster in its own right. Big businesses are hulking entities unto themselves, functioning like capitalist plutocracies within their host nations, and the Star Wars franchise is no exception. Whatever garbled message Lucas tried to send out with the Prequels grew amplified and even more confused with the Clone Wars, spread into the video games and the books, and continued to infect Star Wars as the franchise was turned over to the quintessential mega-plutocratic-empire, The Walt Disney Company.
And here we have the Sequel movies, the New Canon, and all of the disasters that come with them.
Disney walks a fine line between well-meaning family-friendly sugar and spice, and ruthless all-consuming hypercontroller of everything from arts and entertainment to food and clothes and government lobbying. Their bottom line is the dollar and the influence on – and power over – people’s lives that the dollar brings with it. Handing them a story whose original message was about people resisting the very kind of mammoth force that Disney embodies, and hoping that they will try to stay true to said original message, is hopeless and foolish at best and utterly disastrous at worst.
With the Sequels and subsequent movies, Disney pays good overt lip service to the original trilogy with things like Rogue One and the Rebels animation, which on the surface certainly do look like the same sort of message as the original trilogy. But scratch just below that surface and Disney is all about communicating that submitting to the authority of, say, higher Rebel command and following their orders even when it goes against your gut feeling (ex. Ezra Bridger in the Rebels animation), or that rebelling against an unjust government is only valid if it is done according to a strict but nebulous set of arbitrary rules and only if it is done in the service of a different unjust government that just happens to be slightly less evil than the one you’re trying to overthrow (ex. any iteration of the Old Republic ever, but I’m especially and particularly looking at you, Sequel-era Republic/Resistance and SWTOR Jedi/Republic).
And here is where I balk about ever doing meta on Star Wars again. I hate that this is the direction Star Wars is taking. I hate that New Canon feels like propaganda to me. I hate that I can’t enjoy any of this stuff if I take it for what it presents itself to be. I hate that the only way I truly can enjoy Star Wars now is by cherry-picking all of the tiny bits of window dressing that was pretty enough or interesting enough for me to want to look at it again, and very deliberately and consciously throwing out all the rest.
The experience of Star Wars that I create for myself is escapist and isolating, because it is so very tailor-made to what I can enjoy out of it now. When I go see a new Star Wars film or play a Star Wars game, I don’t actually see whatever story the franchise is trying to actually tell. I see bits and pieces that I can put together into something I can cope with better, something I can actually enjoy.
Examples include:
In Rebels, when the official franchise’s story killed off Maul. I cannot and will not acknowledge that, or function as though it happened. And I can’t really give my opinion on how not having Maul around will affect the future story, because I very literally do not care at all about any Star Wars where he is not in it.
In The Clone Wars, there are so many instances of Anakin Skywalker having agency and making decisions independent of the Jedi Council or without having their insipid code squarely in mind, where if he had made those decisions in a more realistic setting they would have turned out quite well, but what we get on screen is ominous background music and FoReShAdOwInG.
In The Last Jedi, I cannot fathom any reason why Yoda would be given the role that he was given, and find it a complete affront to Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker, who had every motivation, every reason, every right to have that role instead. So I can’t see that scene without him in it. I just… I don’t see it. It didn’t happen that way, and I find I cannot discuss it as it’s presented on-screen. I have nothing to say.
In the Sequel media, both books and movies, Supreme Leader Snoke is portrayed as a one-dimensional Saturday morning cartoon villain whose intended role in the story is blurred as the story progresses, and his death is completely nonsensical in regards to the buildup of information that we as an audience have gleaned about him. We see pieces of evidence that he could have actually cared about Kylo Ren that go nowhere in the actual story, and he ends up just being a scapegoat that gets thrown away halfway through the second sequel movie. I choose to see more in his character than what we were given in Actual Canon™, and thus see him very differently than what common discourse would allow. Because of this, if I discuss Snoke in mixed company I know that I will be called out as someone who advocates for only the limited cardboard-character that is portrayed on screen, instead of for the internalized view that I have personally built for him.
I know everyone’s personal view of a character or characters is different, because we all have different points of view. But there is often some sort of vague common ground in their portrayal that the author or storyteller was originally going for, that most people usually pick up on and base their opinions around. But what if some of the key characteristics that make up a character are just… things you choose not to see or are incapable of seeing, and your own personal view of that character becomes almost entirely different from the “original”? Probably the most benign example I can think of is Hera Syndulla. If I take what I see of her in canon, she infuriates me with how she treats her crew. But if I just decide that such-and-such a conversation never happened, or her decisions on such-and-such a mission were different than the on-screen one, she essentially becomes an alternate-universe version of herself. Only that this version is one that I can tolerate, and it is the only version I see anymore.
How does one communicate that my entire experience of Star Wars is as an AU?
And on and on it goes. Discussing meta and Actual Canon Events™ as portrayed on screen and on printed page has become nothing but a migraine headache to me. I cannot engage in discourse, because I am very much not seeing what everyone else is seeing and talking about, nor do I care to. I just… I can’t keep talking about the same stupid things over and over again. I can’t keep screaming into the void about the unsustainability of the Sith or the Jedi, about the complete inequality and corruption that would have to be absolutely omnipresent in the Republic for it to even be remotely realistic even by cartoon standards, about the inevitability of the Republic turning into an Empire, about the weird dissonance given to the concept of the Force that would end up making both the Jedi and the Sith’s case baseless and weak, etc. etc. ETC. It’s exhausting, it’s stressful, and for something that I’m here to try to enjoy, it’s not even remotely enjoyable.
The very core of the matter is that I love the Star Wars universe. I love the worlds, I love the aliens, I love the ships and the droids and the technology and the concept of the Force. I love the characters. I love all of these things, and sometimes I even love the plots and stories (thank you Chuck Wendig and Timothy Zahn). But I just can’t enjoy digging into the meta of it anymore.
So if you like what I post of my own personal Star Wars-brand AU, by all means dig right in. But I don’t think I can do anymore general meta or discourse. I’m sticking with fanart and fanfic.
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