#if someone detects a mistake please tell me!

[st7rnioioss]

౨ৎ⋆ ˚｡⋆ hotel room

chris sturniolo x fem!reader

warnings: SMUTTY SMUT (for once)😊, dom!chris, creampie, fingering, p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it!!) kissing, swearing, idk help

a/n: hey hey heyyyyy, finally a HAUNTED HOTEL SMUT? i rarely ever write smut, i just think i’m ass at it LMAO. anyways enjoy😇😇 NOT PROOFREAD LMAO

i’ll say it again, please correct me if there’s spelling mistakes, english isn’t my first language🤡

this is based off this request!

౨ৎ

You, Chris, Matt, Nick, Sam, and Colby were standing the the vault of the Driskill hotel. Sam placed a static box, that’s detects direction of static anomalies (touch, movement?), right on the table.

You were all standing in silence, waiting for something to happen, when Matt’s EMF went off.

“Shit, it just went to yellow,” he chuckled, everyone’s eyes focused on the EMF. Suddenly the static box went off, the loud sound causing you to step in front of Chris in pure horror.

“Fuck- I’m sorry. This shit is creeping me out,” you giggled, sending an apologetic smile to Colby.

“No, you’re good. If you want to stop we can,” he smiled, looking around to see if the others were up to move on.

“No no, not at all. I’m good, it just caught me off guard,” you smiled shyly, turning to face Chris. His arms were wrapped around your waist, resting his face in the crook of your neck. You leaned back into his chest until you felt something.. poke you inner thigh? You immediately realised what was going on, turning to look at Chris.

“Chris..” you whispered for only him to hear. Matt was asking questions, Sam and Colby hyping him up.

“Are you.. hard?” you smiled with a frown, turning all the way around to look up at him.

“I- what..?” he cut himself off.

“Oh my fucking god, I’m so sorry,” he apologised, avoiding your gaze by throwing his head back.

“No, don’t apologise,” you smirked, turning around again to pay attention to what Matt and Nick were talking about.

You decided to tease Chris. The fact you hadn’t even touched, kissed or said anything to Chris, made the fact he was hard even hotter. Your body was pressed against his again, his head resting on the top of your head. You arched your back slightly, pressing your ass onto his crotch. His breath quietly hitched in his throat, his body tense.

“Don’t fucking do that,” he whispered into your ear, his hot breath against your ear making legs wobbly. By now you had no idea what Sam, Colby, Matt, and Nick were talking about, your mind too busy running with thoughts of Chris’s dick pressing against your ass.

-

“Okay, I’m thinking we should split up for this. Colby and Matt will go to the third floor, me and Nick to the fifth, and then Y/n and Chris on the seventh. The seventh floor shouldn’t have as much activity, is that alright with you?” Sam asked you since you had told him earlier you were quite scared of all this

“Yes, that’s perfect, thank you Sam,” you smiled reassuringly at him, turning to Chris who just nodded. He had been awfully quiet since you were in the vault.

“Alright, so we only have two cameras, so we’re thinking me and Matt take one and then Sam and Nick one since there shouldn’t be much on the seventh floor. Just tell us if anything happens,” Colby turned towards you, both nodding as you took Chris’s hand in yours

-

“Goodbye!” you waved with a smile at Nick and Sam as they got off the fifth floor, as soon as the old, slow, elevator doors closed, Chris’s lips immediately met yours.

“Woah, someone’s impatient,” you mumbled with a giggle against Chris’s lips, his hands running through your hair.

“Don’t act so surprised, you’ve been teasing me all fucking day,” he panted with a stern expression, his eyes darting between your eyes and lips. He then leaned closer again, his tongue slipping past your bottom lip, into your mouth. This went on for a bit until the elevator made a “ding!”, indicating you reached the seventh floor. Chris spent no time grabbing your wrist, pulling you into an empty hotel room.

He gently pushed you against the door, his lips immediately finding your eyes. One hand resting on your hip, the other locking the door behind you.

“You wear that and expect me to keep composure?” he mumbled against your wet lips, now kissing down your neck.

“C-chris you can’t leave hickeys, they’ll notice,” you whimpered softly, grabbing his shoulder to steady yourself.

“Alright, alright,” he murmured quietly, pulling away to look at you.

“How long do you think we have?” he smirked, a hand tucking strands of hair behind your ear.

“I- uh, like 20 minutes? I don’t know..” you said quietly, on the verge of a whisper.

“Let’s be quick then. Cmon,” he smiled right before he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder.

“Chris!” you giggled, hitting his back.

“Put me down!” you laughed as he positioned you down onto the bed, standing in between your thighs.

“Oh my god, I’ve been waiting for this all day,” he smirked as he wasted no time unbuttoning your jeans, sliding them and your panties down in one. He leaned over your, placing a hand beside your head, the other caressing your cheek as he kissed you passionately.

Chris kept kissing you, one hand travelling down your body, stopping right where you needed him the most.

“Chris..” you whispered in desperation, grabbing his wrist.

“I’m gonna need you to speak up, hm? Y’think you can do that?” he cooed, sliding his index finger gently through your wet folds.

“Chris. Please-“ you whimpered, louder this time, letting go of his wrist. His words made you so weak. “Please touch me, Chris,” you squirmed beneath him. As proud smirk appeared on his lips, painfully slowly pushing a finger inside, making you suck in sharp breath.

“That’s my good girl,” his voice deep, filled with lust. He slowly slid his finger out before pushing it back in, your jaw going slack.

“Oh my God,” you gasped, squeezing your eyes shut.

“More, please,” you whined, slowly opening your eyes to look up at Chris.

“Since you asked so nicely,” he smiled, sliding another finger in, pumping them in and out at a steady pace. “Holy fuck, you’re drenched for me, huh?” he teased, leaving a sloppy kiss to your lips.

“Chris, fuck-“ you moaned against his lips. His pace quickened, making you completely weak. You couldn’t think or talk straight, resulting in your jaw wide agape, the kiss turning wet, sloppy, and messy.

“Does that feel good? Am I fingering you so good you can’t even kiss me back properly?” he smirked, continuing to leave wet kissing on your cheek, curling his fingers up inside you, as well as quickening his pace.

“Chris, Chris, Chris,” you moaned his name repeatedly, making him chuckle. The room was quiet, expect for your pants, moans, and the squelching from Chris’s fingers moving rapidly in and out of your dripping pussy.

Suddenly you felt the all too familiar knot tightening in your stomach, making you grip Chris’s bicep harshly.

“Fuck, I’m close. Chris, please don’t stop,” you whimpered loudly, grinding down on his hand that was now running with your wetness.

“I know, I know. C’mon, finish on my fingers, baby.” he cooed again, smiling at the fucked out expression your face as he added his thumb to rub circles on your clit.

“Chris! Fuck- I’m gonna cum,” you whined right as your thighs squeezed together, clenching around him, as you finished all over his fingers. He didn’t stop until you winced from the overstimulation. Chris then withdrew his hand from you core, sticking his fingers into his mouth as he left a soft kiss to your forehead.

“You did amazing for me,” he whispered with a smile, tugging at the hem of your shirt as he pulled it off.

“Chris, what are you doing?” you asked in confusion, watching him unbuckle his own belt, right before taking off his jacket.

“What do you mean? We’re just getting started, baby,” he smirked. That stupid smirk.

That leads you here. Your legs were positioned on Chris’s shoulders, both of his hands beside your head as he lined himself up with your entrance.

“Fuck, I’ve been waiting for this all day,” he mumbled, slowly pushing himself inside of you. The stretch from Chris always burned at first. Your eyes squeezed shut as he bottomed out, the both of you panting as he waited for a minute.

“This okay?” he whispered, slowly starting to rock his hips. You just nodded with a whine, grabbing him by his hair, tugging gently. “God, you feel so good, fuck-“ he moaned, picking up his pace.

“Fuck- Chris, don’t stop,” you moaned, tugging a bit harder on his hair, earning a loud groan from him.

“Please, oh fuck-“ you moaned, covering your mouth with one hand, the other resting on Chris’s shoulder He chuckled a bit from your desperation, grabbing your hand from your mouth to intertwine his fingers with yours. He started thrusting into you faster, making your jaw fall wide open again.

“Am I fucking you that good? Can’t you handle it, baby?” he mocked, looking down at you with false concern.

“I can- fuck, I can handle it,” you whimpered, feeling your legs start to tremble again. He snickered but cut himself off with a soft moan. You clenched around him, causing his head to fall back, thrusting at a faster but sloppier pace, hitting your g-spot.

“Oh shit, right there,” you whined, the knot tightening quickly once again. You turned your head to the side, moaning repeatedly.

Chris’s hand the gripped your jaw, causing you to open your eyes to find him staring down at you.

“Look at me. I want you to look me in the eyes as you cum around my cock, alright?” he smirked, thrusting hard a few times. He held a hand over your mouth as you came, trying to muffle your loud moans.

“J-just like that,” he whimpered, feeling you clench around him. “Fuck, Y/n,” he moaned, his thrusts becoming a lot sloppier now as you felt him twitch inside you, immediately reaching his orgasm when you moaned his name again.

“Oh my fucking god,” you panted, running your hand through his hair, a giggle leaving your lips, due to his squeezed shut eyes, lips slightly parted.

“Shit. You did so good for me,” Chris panted with a smile playing on his lips, pulling you in for a quick kiss.

Chris pulled out, then unexpectedly stuck a finger inside you, causing you to whine.

“Chris, what are you-?” you looked down.

“The sheets won’t get dirty like this. Plus, it’s a sight for sore eyes,” he smiled, sticking a mixture of you and his own release back into you, making you wince.

“All done,” he smiled, placing a wet, quick, kiss to you pussy, making you squirm. “I hope we didn’t fuck in front of a ghost or something,” he mumbled, holding back a laugh.

“Chris!” you laughed loudly, pulling your shirt back on. “Chris, where the fuck are my panties,” you asked, scanning the whole room for any sign of them.

“I have no idea?” he said in a mock-concern tone, shrugging as he turned to door of the hotel room. His goddamn back pocket? Seriously?

a/n: I CANNOT WRITE SMUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. i’m sorry if this sucks ass, but here you go!😇 hope it was somewhat bearable😍

taglist: @chrissgirlsstuff @leah-loves-lilies @toriiniie @ukiyosturniolo @m4tthewsgf @nicksmainbitch (let me know if you want to be added/removed)

#chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo triplets fanfic

[navybrat817]

Sweet and Strong

Pairing: Tattoo Artist!Bucky Barnes x Baker!Female Reader Summary: You stop by the parlor to drop off some treats. Word Count: Over 2.3k Warnings: Fluff, flir-ting, slight insecurity if you squint, slight feels (it's me), Tess is a real one, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?) Graphics talent and thanks: Banner - @sgt-seabass, Divider - @firefly-graphics, Bucky edit - Nix, Moodboard - yours truly A/N: More Hottie and Sugar from my Sin on Skin AU.❤️ Beta read by @whisperlullaby , so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

You did your best not to let your mind wander during the work day, but Bucky hadn’t left your thoughts since he dropped you off at your place. A dopey smile formed on your face more times than you could count. The tattoo artist was your dream come true. Someone who looked like they could destroy everything in their path, but treated you with such care.

And he said yes to a date with you.

How does a man like him exist?

“Careful,” Tess said, nudging you to the side so she could take a cookie from the case. “Keep making that happy face and it’ll get stuck that way.”

“Is that a bad thing?” you smiled, making sure there were no customers looking as you typed a quick message to Bucky on your phone.

“Hope you have a good day, Hottie.”

After a moment, you cringed and put the device away. Though Bucky gave you his number after he dropped you off, you didn’t message him immediately. Waiting until today was better because enough time had passed, but was the text too casual? Not casual enough? Was it clingy to message him before you had your date?

Why am I overthinking this?

“If you’re smiling because of Bucky, it’s a very good thing. Especially after what he did to help you. I think he should get a permanent discount,” Tess said, making you raise an eyebrow when you didn’t detect a hint of sarcasm in her tone. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“We talked about this,” you gently reminded her when she pouted, a look that told you she was still upset. “Please, stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

When Tess heard that Richard ambushed you after closing, she beat herself up for not being there. You assured her it wasn’t her fault that your ex showed up. She was thankful you were okay and that Bucky, and everyone else in the shop, stood up for you. She also added that if she saw Richard sniffing around the place that she’d kick him in the nuts.

Bucky assured you he wouldn’t come around and you believed him.

“I’m just sorry I didn’t see him get put in his place. Been a long time coming,” she said, a bit of mischief back in her eyes as she leaned against the counter to smile at you. “And I’m bummed I missed that kiss.”

“Why did I tell you about that?” you asked, your cheeks hot as you recalled the moment Bucky’s lip touched yours. If you closed your eyes, you could almost feel him kissing you again. The memory made your heart swell.

As if on cue, your phone went off.

“Day’s better now that I’ve heard from you, Sugar. Can’t wait for our date. Planned something special.”

Your heart skipped a beat as you reread the message and hugged the device to your chest. You weren't sure how many women Bucky dated or how many special dates he planned before you. The thought of it being a high number didn't make your stomach sink as you expected. What mattered was that the two of you were taking a chance on each other.

And even though you technically asked him out, he took the time to plan something for you. When was the last time a guy did anything remotely nice for you without expecting something in return? Why had you settled in the past for less than what you deserved?

“You told me because we’re best friends,” Tess answered with a smirk when you looked her way. “Is that him?”

“Yeah, it’s him,” you smiled, showing her the message. “I wonder what he has planned.”

“Whatever it is, you better give all the dirty details when he dicks you down. And not to be graphic, but I bet he eats pussy like-"

“Tess!" you groaned, praying the nearby customers weren’t listening. But, god, if you hadn’t thought about what he’d be like in bed. He’d be so good to you. “Let’s try and be professional.”

“Professional, my ass. I’m not the one flirting with the hunk or making eyes at him every time he steps into the shop,” she pointed out.

Fair.

“And, look, I’m not saying you have to get laid on the first date, but I am saying you have to let him in your pants at some point,” she said, laughing as you tossed a towel at her face.

You laughed, too, and wondered just how the night would go. If you put out on the first date, would he think you were easy? If you waited too long, would he move on? You were overthinking again, but you couldn't help it. You really liked him.

He likes me, too, so I must be doing something right.

“What do you get out of it if I let him in my pants?” you asked curiously.

Tess placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed. “I get to keep seeing you happy, which you have every right to be."

"Thanks," you smiled, a wave of fondness crashing over you. The two of you saw each other go through many ups and downs of life. She deserved the world and it meant a lot that she wanted that for you, too. "Is it too much if I run some treats over for him? Especially since I just texted him?"

Bringing a small selection of baked goods for Bucky and the guys would be a small way to thank them for defending you. Deep down, it was also an excuse to see him before your date. You hoped it wasn't too obvious.

"The guy has visited the shop for all of your shifts since he first came in. So, no, it isn't too much if you surprise him and send something his way. He might like it."

"I'll be quick," you promised, selecting some of the best treats from the case, including one with little hearts.

"Take your time. Jill and I can handle this," she smiled as if she sensed your giddiness. "Go treat your man."

"He isn't my man yet," you teased.

But I'm already his girl.

"Yeah, he is," Tess winked, giving you a gentle nudge. "Now go."

It didn't take you long to cross the street to the parlor and thankfully you didn't drop the box. You hoped you looked decent. Well, as much as you could during a work day. At least you had a cute apron on.

"Hi! Welcome to Sin on Skin!" Jake said as you walked through the door. "Sugar! It's you!"

You held back a laugh when his voice echoed. "Yeah, it's me," you smiled, holding up the box. "I wanted to drop these off Bucky and the rest of you, if that's okay?"

"You brought us food?!" he asked, leaning on his arms to look over the counter. "Hold on. Lemme grab him."

"You sure? If he's with a client…" you trailed off when Jake dashed away from the counter.

You took a moment to look around again, your gaze settling on an intricate flower tattoo. Seeing the place without the fear of your ex following you made it even brighter than before. Like your shop, it was expressive and inviting. Bucky likely put as much love into it as you did with yours.

"That was my first piece."

You tore your gaze away from the wall to find Bucky beside you, a dopey smile back on your face. There was only a small amount of space between you and your heart raced as you looked him over, the large man clad in his usual tight shirt and jeans. He had his hair pulled back and you resisted the urge to tuck a few strands back that came loose.

He would manage to look sexy as hell with latex gloves on.

"It's beautiful," you said honestly.

"Thanks. She's a good friend and still a client of mine. So is her husband," he smiled gently. "I'm glad you stopped by."

"Me, too," you smiled back, holding up the box in your hands. "I just wanted to say thanks again to you and the guys for sticking up for me. It isn't much, but I hope you all enjoy them."

"Oh." A slight frown formed on his face when you handed him the treats. "You know you don't have to give us these, right? We didn't do it expecting you to give us anything in return and I'm sure as hell not going to let anyone speak to you the way that prick did."

You furrowed your brows a bit, even as you nearly swooned at his protectiveness. Had you upset him? "I know I don't have to," you said, clearing your throat. Why did the thought of them defending you just for being good guys make you emotional? "I just wanted to do something nice for you."

Was this a bad idea?

You let out a breath when he smiled again. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure you didn't feel obligated," he said, touching your arm. Even with the glove, the touch sent heat between your thighs. "It's a very sweet gesture, Sugar. Thank you."

"You're welcome," you said, satisfied that he wasn't unhappy with the small gift. "And I'll admit. I also stopped by because I wanted to see you before our date," you added.

"You did?" he smirked, bringing warmth to your cheeks as you nodded. "While we're admitting things to each other, I've been watching the door and hoping you'd stop in. I even dreamt about you when I took a nap."

"No, you didn't," you giggled, a sense of power and elatedness filling you that his pull to you was that strong.

"I swear. I don't think Steve will let me live that down" he chuckled. You wondered what exactly he dreamt about. Was it passionate? Intense? "Can't get you outta my mind. And, frankly, I don't want to."

Oh.

You didn't think he could make your heart beat any faster, but he continued to surprise you. There was no shame or timidness in his tone or his stare. It was steadfast and true, like he wasn't afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve with you. If he could be vulnerable and open with you this way, you could do the same in return.

Go big or go home, right?

"I can't stop thinking about you either," you told him, proud that your voice didn't waver.

"You can't?" he whispered and you suddenly didn't like the box between your bodies. It made him feel too far away.

"No, I can't," you whispered back, gazing into his blue eyes. "I waited to text you because I didn't want it to be too soon. And even though I don't know where you're taking me on our date, I already have the perfect sundress laid out and ready to go."

"You can text me as much as you want. I don't care what time of day," he assured you before his eyes lit up mischievously, like he knew something you didn't. "And a sundress is fucking perfect, but no asking for hints about our date"

"Not even a little one? Please?" you asked, giving him what you hoped was a cute pout. You didn't actually want him to tell you because you wanted him to surprise you, but you hoped you looked enticing.

Bucky slowly licked his lips and shook his head. If he was trying to look hot, he more than succeeded. If he wasn't, did he have any idea what that teasing motion of his tongue did to you? "I'm tempted to tell you and I'm very tempted to kiss you right now, but no. No hints. I need to stay strong."

I'm very tempted to kiss you, too.

"Fine, Hottie. I'll be good," you teased, pouting again. "For now."

Bucky moved the box beside him so he could step closer, his eyes darker than before. "You wanna be good for me?"

Yes, sir.

"Yes," you answered, leaving out the "sir" that echoed in your mind and shivering as he continued to stare. Before you could say anything more, you noticed that the shop had gone quiet. You leaned over to look past Bucky and giggled when you saw the crew staring, taking you out of the moment. Steve and Hal both had knowing smirks on their faces, but no way could they have heard your conversation. "Hope you enjoy the treats!"

"Oh, we will," Hal winked. "What about you, Bucky? You gonna enjoy your treat?"

"Get back to work!" Bucky called back before he smiled disappointedly. "Speaking of, I should, too. I think my client gave me enough of a break."

"Yeah, I need to get back," you said. You didn't want to leave Tess and Jill hanging. "I hope you have a good rest of the day."

"You, too," he said as you went to the door. "Be good for me until I see you again."

Fuck.

"Only if you're good for me," you smiled over your shoulder, catching his surprised smirk before the door shut.

You took a breath, allowing the breeze to cool you off. Maybe a cold shower would do a better job. You smiled as your phone went off, expecting a teasing text from Tess. It caught you off guard when "Mom" popped up.

Well, that can't be good if she's texting me. God, did she somehow hear about Richard? The last thing I need is a lecture.

Instead of opening the message, you tucked your phone away. You needed to get back to work and you had a date to look forward to. You wouldn't allow your mom to sour your mood because Tess was right.

You had the right to be happy.

No ruining this upcoming date, mom! Love and thanks for reading! 💙

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

#navybrat writes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes #tattoo!bucky barnes x reader #tattoo artist!bucky barnes x reader #tattoo artist!bucky barnes x baker!reader #hottie and sugar #sin on skin au #tattoo!bucky barnes #tattoo artist!bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes au #tattoo artist au #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan #bucky barnes x female!reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader

[yurislotusgarden]

Tying their hair up!

ʚїɞ Separately! Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Platonic! Kyouka Izumi x Reader

ʚїɞ Keep in mind English is not my first language, so you may find mistakes!

ʚїɞ I got this idea after seeing this post! It's not really related but I got the idea, so here it is. I will most likely make a part 2

ʚїɞ word count: 1206 (Dazai - 428, Chuuya - 446, Kyouka - 336)

ʚїɞ Tw's: None! Just pure fluff, pet names: 'bella, doll, reader's gender is not specified in any way (if it is please tell me so I can edit it)

ʚїɞ I WANNA THANK THE 22 PPL WHO FOLLOWED MY ACCOUNT <33 I did not expect ppl to like my works??? Like at all??? I actually posted my first works here thinking they're gonna end up with maybe 10-15 notes with luck, and there they are with much fucking more, so thank you if you interacted with any of my works<33

Dazai Osamu

If you entered the armed detective agency office at the moment, you would see people working, someone missing out on a job but the possibly first thing would be able to notice is that the workers are stealing confused glances at Dazai because… since when does he tie his hair up?

“Hey Dazai, what’s with your hair?” Kunikida asked, wanting to know why the oh so lazy bandage wasting machine changed his hair. In the 2 years he’s been working with him, he never saw the brunette tie his hair up.

“Oh? A fabulous question, Kunikida!” The grin on Dazai’s face could really compare to Kenji’s sun smile. 

“I feel like I’m about to regret this question” A mutter from where Kunikida is standing was heard, but the older detective ignored it.

“You see Kunikida, my beloved Belladonna has done it! And I couldn't bring myself to ruin said happiness they got from seeing me with my hair like this, so I just came in like this!” The bandaged man had stars in his eyes upon recollecting what happened before he came to work.

Dazai looked like he was about to talk more about what happened earlier this morning… Yea Kunikida is regretting his questions, why did he have to ask?

//////////////////

Dazai was sitting on the floor in front of the couch between your legs while you were sitting on the couch behind him, tying his hair up into a ponytail around the back of his head since you decided it would be better for him instead of a higher one. Surprisingly, when tied up, the ponytail was quite long - longer than you first thought it would be.

“You were meant to tie my hair up, not play with it ‘bella” A subtle comment, but enough to get you to stop just running your fingers through his hair, you would've been done by now if you didn’t do that, but hey, you're gonna take any chance to play with his fluffy hair.

“you can’t blame me, your hair is too soft to not play with it when I have a chance” You chuckled, finishing up the ponytail and tapping his shoulder to indicate that you're done and he can stand up or turn around, whichever he prefers.

And as it is with Dazai, he preferred to turn around and hug your waist, burying his face in your abdomen.

…Goddammit you want to play with his hair like you always do when he’s like this, but you can't or you will have to repair the ponytail. Sigh.

Nakahara Chuuya

“Chuuya-san?” The ginger turned towards the voice, who turned out to be a woman with red-ish hair colored hair, Kōyō Ozaki.

“Yes, Ane-san?” The shorter of the two turned fully towards the taller woman.

“...May I ask what happened to your hair?... And where did your hat go?”  Kōyō asked, actually confused. After all, it’s not every day that you see the hot-headed executive with his hair up, much less without his hat. She’s sure she barely ever saw him take it off besides when in closed private spaces, and his hair being tied up into a high ponytail? She never saw it, but even tho she doesn't voice it out, she thinks the look really does fits the man.

“Ah, I decided to leave the hat at home for once, it would destroy the hair.”

“Why do you not want the ponytail gone?” Kōyō understands that technically it’s easier to do things when your hair is tied up, but she knows that longer hair never caused any problems to the short mafioso.

“[Name] is the one who made it, and they seemed really happy to see it on me”

///////////////

“Please Chuu?” You asked for maybe the hundredth time today, -surprised your boyfriend still has patience for you- about to give up on asking your partner if he would let you tie his hair up. You just wanted to see what he would look like! You can bet your life he would look better than those guys on magazines many droll over. They could never compare to your boyfriend anyway.

A sigh could be heard in the room, a head full of orange hair moving to look at you. Chuuya was getting ready to go to the Port Mafia Headquarters and was about to say no, but when he looked over… yea it was over for him before it started.

“Just don’t rip my hair out, doll”

“Hey! You know I’m gonna be careful!”

Next thing you two knew, he was sitting in front of the mirror while you were standing behind him, making the ponytail high on the back of his. ‘Why is his hair so soft wtf’ had appeared in your head but didn't voice it out.

You hooked your arms around his shoulders and neck, putting your chin on his head. “You look so pretty like this” When Chuuya looked at you in the mirror -as if he wasn't the whole time- the soft smile you had on simply killed him. He couldn't bring himself to destroy the little thing that made you happy so he ended up shocking your ass later on by not bringing his hat to work for once.

Platonic! Izumi Kyouka

just to see how she looks

“You look so cute!”

“Really?” 

You and Kyouka were the only ones apart from the clerks and Yosano in the clinic doing who knows what in the agency building as the others had missions, so you decided to do random things as you have already ended all the paperwork assigned to you for the day.

“Your hair is perfect for any kind of hairstyle but I think you look adorable with a ponytail, it suits you” You smiled at her. It really did fit her the same as her usual hairstyle, you just wish you had some hair accessories at the moment. Her hair would look even better!

“I’m glad you think so [Name]” A soft voice came from the younger girl.

You two continued to make small talk while you fixed her hair, before turning towards the office door when it opened.

“What you two doing over here?” Yosano looked at the two of them with a small smile appearing when she noticed Kyouka’s hair change.

“Messing with Kyouka’s hair. There’s not much to do at the office at the moment but we shouldn't leave the office yet, it’s still quite early” You said quietly, starting to look through your desk to see if you have any accessories for hair. Colorful to be specific.

“Hmm, Can I add myself to the fun?”

“You want to do something with my hair?”

“I have hair clips and more in my infirmary desk”

You looked up at her with stars in yours with such speed that Yosano couldn't help but ask herself if your neck is okay.

“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go to your office, Kouka’s hair needs something more!”

The rest of the agency slowly started to come back one by one, to not only Kyouka’s hair being colorful from hairclips and more, but also to yours and Yosano’s hair being the same. There was some confusion about what they missed, Atsushi and Kenji just so happened to join in, to say the least.

Notes, comments, reblogs and anything else is greatly appreciated <3

#bsd x reader #bsd dazai #bsd x gender neutral reader #bsd x y/n #bsd x you #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #bsd #dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #soft dazai #bungou stray dogs dazai #nakahara chuuya #chuuya bsd #chuuya nakahara #bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs chuuya #chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #chuuya x y/n #gender neutral y/n #gender neutral reader #gender neutral post #kyouka izumi #bsd kyouka #bungo stray dogs x reader #soft chuuya

[vampcubus]

So, like, out of nowhere, I got an idea and then I saw your requests were open so AAAAAAH I had to come and give you an ask. Anyway— Only if you can, could you write headcanons for DBH Connor, Markus, Rupert, Simon and Ralph with, like, different ways you make them smile? Gender neutral reader maybe? Obv you don’t have to include all the characters, I’d be excited just to see you responded to me, but I was just feeling a good vibe today and felt like popping in for a hot second LOVE YOU sorry if this was kinda all over the place, I’m running off of 2 hours of sleep, McDonald’s and a Pepsi.

HOW YOU MAKE THEM SMILE | DBH

characters: connor, markus, rupert, simon, and ralph.

Connor (RK800)

— Most humans are indifferent or straight-up rude to Connor because he’s an android, so he doesn’t have much basis for comparison. This means all you really have to do is be nice to him and he’s enamored.

— “Would you give the poor guy a break, he’s just trying to help.” You snapped at Hank when he was giving Connor a hard time the first day you met at the station, before going back to angrily typing on your terminal. 

— The Lieutenant waved you off but Connor’s curiosity was piqued. Most humans refer to androids as “it”, and the fact that you didn’t was intriguing to him.

— Treat him like he’s human. Even the little things, like asking if he wants a drink- even if you know androids don’t eat or drink, it’s the fact that you ask anyways that has him smiling stupidly. Tell him to get home safe, ask if he’s feeling alright, and invite him out somewhere. Making Connor feel wanted without him necessarily having to do anything to earn it is a surefire way to have him smiling in your direction—especially when you aren’t looking.

— Kissing him is a given since he’s obsessed with it. Peck his cheek or the corner of his lips as you pass by and you’ll have him smiling at you over his shoulder with that lovesick puppy dog look.

— It takes a long time for Connor to grasp jokes, so puns and humorous jabs will only get you a confused head tilt in response. But he likes your laugh so if you’re giggling trying to get your joke out he can’t help but beam at you.

— The first time you held his hand was on a case you were assigned together, a suspect veered around the corner and you tugged him by the hand behind a dumpster to avoid detection. You’d been too focused on the suspect to realize you were still holding his hand but Connor noticed.  You didn’t see the way his LED flashed yellow as he inspected your joined hands, fascinated by the sight of your pretty fingers laced between his own. And when you turn to find him smiling at you, you realize your mistake, apologizing profusely.

— So a big fan of hand-holding, please do it more often, the corners of his mouth can’t help but twitch upwards when you do.

— GRINS LIKE A MENACE WHEN YOU STAND UP TO PEOPLE FOR HIM. People are jerks and while Connor tends to just brush them off, sometimes you can’t and you match their energy right back at them. And Connor likes it very much, can’t help but get smug knowing he’s untouchable around you because you’ll gladly throw hands to defend his honor. Will hold you back if things get physical, however.

— If someone were to insult him too harshly he would just say “Y/n will be hearing about this 😌” 

— Everyone at the station knows to fuck off unless they want an angry chihuahua biting at their ankles. Gavin tests your patience and Connor is very entertained watching the two of you bicker over him.

— When you tilt his chin up to look at you when he’s overwhelmed, asking for him to talk to you. And when he can’t find the words, you pull him into your arms and let him press his face into your neck for comfort, telling him he’s gonna be alright. You hold him until you feel him smile against your clavicle and his LED flickers back to blue.

Markus (RK200)

— You were a big help during the revolution, hiding runaway deviants and sending them to Jericho. It was only natural that you ended up spending a lot of time together and eventually falling in love, despite your differences. Loves that you treat him like a person and are so kind to his people, they’ve suffered so much at the hands of humans, it’s you that reassures him that not all humans are incapable of being enlightened. 

— Smiles at you from a distance as you care for the damaged androids in Jericho, knowing they’re safe in your caring hands. You do what you can with the supplies you’re able to swipe and offer comfort to those who are too far gone.

— Markus likes to share his interests with you. If you ever wanted to paint with him, he’d be overjoyed, just being in the zone and then being able to look over at you and see you so focused on your creation. Sit down next to him while he’s at the piano and lean against him while he plays, let him teach you to play, let him move your hands to the correct positions, and listen to his soft voice guiding you through keys and their correspondences.

— Loves when you cook together, though the majority of the time you’re distracted by one another and doing more smooching and dancing than paying attention to the stove. Say hello to slightly overcooking stuff because you were too busy tongue-wrestling with your android boyfriend.

— Markus smiles the most when you somehow exactly when he needs comfort, and do so without hesitation. It’s like you’re able to see his stress levels, which he knows is impossible, but it makes him no less impressed with your emotional intelligence. You really are his grounding force, when he’s ever uncertain or lost, he knows he can come to you.

— You two have a bit of a habit of lovingly bullying one another at every opportunity, and he loves that you can keep up.

Rupert Travis (WB200)

— Rupert doesn’t trust humans easily, but showing affection for birds will draw him to you. Maybe you frequent the same park and he often sees you feeding birds—maybe you even have a bird of your own! His Pigeons are his babies, so if you’re kind to them, you’re being kind to him by extension.

— When you finally get past that defensive wall of caution Rupert uses to protect himself from being detected and deactivated, he’s very sweet. Still quiet, but you can see that he wants to be close to you. If he catches you baby-talking to his birds he can’t help but grin.

— Smiles when you tip the bill of his hat up so you can see his eyes, and practically beams if you lean in to kiss him. He’s… so soft ugh. He’s shy about reciprocation at first, his model was programmed primarily for agriculture, so romantic gestures are outside his realm of expertise. He does enjoy your gentle touch, however, so much so that he seeks it out when he requires comfort. Sometimes all he wants is for you to wrap him in your arms and let him lie there, you don’t even need to speak.

— if you go out somewhere together (which will take convincing, especially before the revolution) he sticks to your side and keeps his head down, he needs your shoulders to be touching or your hand to grip as you traverse food stalls and aisles in the grocery store. But if you whisper little jokes or sweet nothings to him he can’t help but smile softly at you.

— Rupert likes to listen to you talk, he doesn’t have loads to add to a conversation but he’s a great listener. And if you trail off thinking you’re talking his ear off he’ll ask you something else to get you going again.

Simon (PL600)

— Simon feels things very deeply, lending an ear when he needs to talk makes him comfortable with you. He feels he doesn’t have to keep up a brave face with you like he does to reassure the others in Jericho, he knows you’ll listen and understand. He’s very grateful when you help him work through new emotions, seeing as you’ve experienced many of those being a human and all.

— Saying thank you when he inevitably does things around the house for you once you settle into domesticity, being thanked for things is still quite new to Simon. It feels good to be appreciated and treated like he’s a living being.

— If you thought being thanked wasn’t enough to give him whiplash receiving gifts certainly will be! If you’re the artistic type, make him something and tell him that he inspires you. The prospect of being your muse makes him feel very special, and the fact that you’re always thinking of him and what he’d want makes him feel even more in love with you.

— You’ll often catch Simon gazing at you with that soft smile while you’re doing everyday things, even though he offers to take care of housework you insist on sharing responsibilities. “You’re my boyfriend, not my maid, we’ll do it together.” It’s then when he realizes just how serious you are about your relationship and he wants to cry he’s so happy.

— Smiles at you when he catches you staring with that loving look in your eyes.

— Has to bite back a grin every time you refer to him as your lover to other people, especially if it confuses them and you say “Yes my boyfriend is an android, is that a problem?” Your confidence is usually enough for people to awkwardly drop the subject, but the few who have pressed get the cold shoulder very quickly.

— He’s proud to be yours, so he enjoys it when you reinforce the idea.

— Simon very much enjoys being called pet names, by the way, call him honey, sweetheart, baby— makes him melt into a puddle every time. Watch his eyes soften and his cheeks fill with blue blood as you call him the sweetest things, he appreciates them, no matter how silly they become.

Ralph (WR600)

— Humans have terrorized Ralph and his psyche has suffered greatly because of it, so for you to be kind to him after all of that seems too good to be true. But when you look upon him with so much affection and treat him with so much care Ralph can’t bring himself to rip himself away from you. You who see him as a person, and not a machine.

— Ralph is always happy to see you, and the moment you walk through the door he’s practically beaming and jumping for joy. Your presence is a comfort to him once he is no longer afraid of you. While Ralph is glad to be “free” he gets very lonely and craves companionship, like you saw with Kara and Alice he wants to be a part of a family—even if he initially went about it the wrong way.

— He smiles the widest when you ask him if he wants to live with you, because of course he does. The idea of being a part of your life, being able to see you every day? He couldn’t imagine anything better than that. And when you drive it home that you want him to be safe, he gets a little teary. Reminding him that you care makes him smile like nothing else.

— He’s so happy when you help him around the little garden he grew outside your now shared home. He talks to the plants like they understand him and will melt if you do the same. Ralph loves that you’d try to participate in his hobby, even if you aren’t all that into gardening, he appreciates your help and your company. Buy him new plants as gifts, please!!! He accepts them so graciously and cradles the pot close like he’s made a new friend, murmuring to himself about where he wants to plant it.

— Compliment him! He flusters at any and all praise, shuffling in place and smiling ear to ear when you say nice things to him. Say thank you- or kiss him in thanks when he cooks for you or cleans up around the place, he loves the validation.

— Surprise hugs! Ralph is jumpy, but surprising him with hugs and affection is a good way to start making positive associations. He may gripe a little if he accidentally spills or knocks something over in his fright but if you go to pull away he grabs your arm, “Don’t go.” Once he’s grown used to your shenanigans doing this will make him laugh.

— You’re shocked to find that Ralph is ticklish, which is amazing to you, how technology is able to replicate such human sensations. So naturally you tickle him more. You’ll have him wheezing and writhing around in no time, begging half-heartedly for mercy. How could youuuuu. He absolutely will get revenge so watch out, he’s stronger than you so it’s harder to escape from his tickling onslaught. He laughs if you laugh so it’s a win-win.

— Kiss all over his face and he’ll burst into giggles.

#dbh x reader #detroit become human x reader #detroit become my husband #dbh ralph x reader #dbh markus x reader #dbh simon x reader #dbh rupert x reader #rupert travis x reader #dbh connor x reader #connor x reader #connor rk800 x reader #rk800 x reader #detroit become human headcanons #dbh headcanons #dbh connor #dbh markus #ralph wr600 x reader

[asuyaka]

I saw that you write for BSD, so can I request a Dazai x Male Reader(could be gn too, I'm fine with whatever) where the reader is also a detective from ADA and they are bloody rich and they love giving Dazai the royal treatment? I'm talking about carrying his stuff for him, buying whatever he wants without even needing to ask for it, paying for literally everything, making him snacks that they know he will like, opening doors for him, letting him walk on the safer side of the street, giving him flowers, playing with his hair, changing his bandages for him, carrying him around when he doesn't want to use his legs, showering him with kisses and compliments, praising him for his work and constantly expressing how proud they are of him, the whole nine yards.

I just want that man to get some good pampering, heaven knows he needs it.

★ - aaaa!!! 'm sooo glad 'm gettin BSD reqs!! >_< dazai isn't really 'm cup of tea, but 'm think he's okay ! (≧∇≦)ﾉ

☆ - Dazai Osamu x GN! Reader — Can be read as Male reader!

♡ - It's 'm first time tryin' ta write kissin' scenes 'n stuff so please tell me if it's good! Constructive criticism is heavily 'ppreciated! ( •̀ ω •́ )y

It's not an understatement to say you're wealthy. You've worked hard to get where you are now, been through your fair share of trauma to finally live a somewhat stable life in the ADA.

Someone as wealthy as you with no family members to spoil should have someone to make feel worthy, right?

You do. Your best friend, and somehow boyfriend, Dazai Osamu, and his ever-so-concerning suicidal tendencies.

You love him more than anything, as cheesy as that may sound. And you spoil him to make sure he knows that too. Sure, Kunikida may call it a waste of money, but what will you do with it? You're happy in your quaint little ADA-issued dorm room, and sure people might berate you for not buying a million-dollar mansion but that's a waste of money.

You might be millions upon millions of yen wealthy, but you're humble with it.

Not with your spending on Dazai but... he's your boyfriend, who cares?

You walk into the main ADA office with a bright smile on your face. Not that your expression is visible, there's a massive array of flowers covering it.

"[Name] is doing it again," Yosano says as she rolls her eyes. She was the one who with her expert wingman skills, brought you and Dazai together and you'll always be greatful for that.

You wave at Atsushi who was always front and center at you and Dazai's 'gross lovey-dovey actions' as Tanizaki says.

Atsushi gets up, knocking on the Director's door. "Dazai-san, [Name]-san is here for you."

You shift the bouquet from your center to your left side, hiding an array of gifts in the bag you bought as well.

Dazai walks out of the Director's office, hands in his pockets as he pats Atsushi's head. "Alright, what is it this—" His eyes widen when they meet yours.

This isn't the first time you've given Dazai gifts that were obviously expensive. There was a time when you gave him a car and quickly learned how horrible of a driver he was so you weren't making that mistake ever again.

"All of this is for... me?" Dazai points at himself exasperatedly, his eyes wandering around your frame. The bouquet was almost twice your size, full to the brim with pink flowers— flowers he could easily recognize.

They were Camelllias. Flowers that meant love.

"Come, come! There's more for you." You beamed, putting the flowers down and handing him the bag.

Naomi was curious about what was in it the second you walked past the reception, Kenji, was just a naturally curious person.

Dazai pulls out a sharkitty plush. There were two of them, one in black and another in grey. "Oh, they're matching! I thought they looked cute so—"

"They're amazing— you're amazing." Dazai breathes out, a soft tint of red on his face.

Ranpo makes an overexaggerated gagging noise, leaning back against his chair with a lollipop in his mouth.

"I can easily stop supplying you with candy."

Ranpo takes that as an easy warning, immediately going back to doing his work.

"I have a date reserved for us if you aren't busy?" Your voice comes out sheepishly as if it's your first time asking Dazai out. In front of his co-workers it is, but with the amount of PDA you two do, asking him out shouldn't be this embarrassing.

"Crabs?"

"Who do you think I am? Of course, they have crabs."

Dazai smiles, grabbing the bouquet and letting you lead the way. You two begin walking, bidding farewell to your co-workers as you speed up a bit, opening the door for him.

"Ughh— just get out already! No one wants to see you two fawn over each other!" Ranpo yells from his chair. You hear Dazai laugh as he waves one final goodbye, glad he doesn't have to do anymore work, and glad he gets to spend time with you— his partner.

You close the door shut, grabbing the stuff from Dazai's arms so he doesn't have to carry anything. He pressed a kiss on your cheek. He loves you, so so much.

"You didn't have to spend so much on me, you know?" He says softly as he stuffs his hands in his pockets again.

"I don't care about my spending when they come to you, Dazai. I've told you this before, anything you want I'll get it for you. You're my boyfriend, and I love you. What more of a reason do I need?"

Dazai's cheeks burn bright. He's never been the one on the receiving end of flirting, but that all changed when he met you.

He's never felt love, romantic at least, until you came into his life.

He wishes you met Odasaku, you two would've gotten along. "I-I know, you're just—"

"Amazing? Perfect? Stunning? Ooo, maybe you're gonna call me beautiful!" You fill in for him, a cheeky grin on your face as you open the car door for him.

You put your gifts in the backseat, settling in the driver's seat with an adorning smile on your face. "Reward your doting partner with a kiss?"

Dazai rolls his eyes but brings his bandaged hand to your cheek. Your lips meet his in the middle and your hand rests atop his. The kiss was slow, your lips pressed against his like they were made for each other— like you two were made for each other.

You break the kiss in a pant, looking at Dazai with nothing short of fondness in your eyes. "You're great, you're so amazing Dazai."

"Shut up and kiss me."

You comply, now leaning over him as your lips press together, your teeth clacked against his. Dazai's tongue twirled with yours, pressing against the roof of your mouth, his hands settling on your hips as a groan left his mouth, your knee resting in the middle of his legs.

"HAVE SOME DECENCY YOU TWO!"

The two of you separated, looking at the voice with short breaths. Kunikida was standing in front of your windshield, an exasperated look on his face.

You wave an apology, fixing yourself up and sitting back in the driver's spot.

"You okay?" You ask quietly, you and Dazai's hand still intertwined.

"Dinner, right?"

You nod, pressing a final kiss on his cheek as you buckle him and then yourself. "I love you."

Dazai smiles, grabbing the black sharkitty plush from the back, and leaving it in his lap. "I have a crush on you." He says bluntly, his hands scratching the fur on the plushie's body.

You roll your eyes at Dazai's odd way of saying he loves you, but that's just how he is, and you couldn't have him any other way.

#ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 — ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴ' ᴍᴀɴɢᴀ #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x male reader #dazai x you #dazai x gn!reader #bsd x male reader #bsd x gn reader #gn reader #x gn reader #003 #⋆｡𖦹 — ​🇼​​🇦​​🇹​​🇨​​🇭​​🇮​​🇳​❜ ​🇲​​🇴​​🇻​​🇮​​🇪​​🇸​ #★: anon! #bsd #bungou stray dogs

[halsteadlover]

Spaces Between Us

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Female!Reader.

• Requested: yes by anon.

• Summary: you and Jay break up and it’s the hardest thing you’ve even been through. Is it forever over or will you be able to overcome the difficulties?

• Warnings: LOTS of angst and cursing, use of alcohol, slight mention of blood and dead body (it’s not important for the plot but still), I don’t know if there’s anything else please let me know if I missed any <3

• Word count: 19k. Yeah… I know.

• A/N: I’VE NEVER BEEN SO STRESSED OUT FOR A FIC I SWEAR IT’S LIKE IT HAD TO PAY MY BILLS SO PLS BLOW THIS UP. I’m kidding (no I’m not ) but jokes aside, I hope you’ll like this fic even if still shitting bricks at the thought you’ll gonna hate it 😭 so please let me know what do you think and give me any advice if you want. I’m sorry for any mistakes and just so you know this fic dramatic as fuck lol. I love you all and thank you so much I know nobody is gonna read this, like I haven’t already written enough okay bye ❤️

Anyone who tells you that getting together with your best friend is simple because you know each other very well, don't trust them, it's complete bullshit.

And you had unfortunately learned this the hard way.

You really thought your relationship with Jay would be amazing to say the least, the first few months being pure heaven. You were very happy, you sprayed joy from every pore and anyone who met you could notice the toothy smile you continually had on your face.

You thought you knew Jay perfectly and that he knew you perfectly. After all you had been friends for so many years before getting together which is why you believed you knew everything about him, strengths and weaknesses, and he knew the same about you.

Unfortunately, however, this wasn’t true at all and you soon realized reality was very different from what you thought, being in a relationship with someone was totally different from being their friend. When you’re in a relationship you see that person differently, that person becomes the center of your thoughts, and everything they say and do have a weight on you whether you like it or not, you start to analyze everything with different eyes, you pay more attention to details, and you don't miss things that you wouldn't notice with a friend.

And that was exactly what happened with Jay.

You and him had been together for about six months when you started to notice something that among other things slowly took a big toll on you.

Given the nature of your jobs – him being a detective and you being a firefighter – there were times where you weren't able to spend much time together. He never let a minute pass without sending you a sweet text telling you how much he missed you and how much he wanted to be with you, but when it was time to see each other he sometimes preferred to go to Molly's with his friends.

Of course there was nothing wrong with that and you yourself told him to go, but when you started to notice this happened very frequently, taking time away from the two of you, you started to show him your discomfort.

You never wanted to create arguments, you just tried to communicate with him and express something that was starting to weigh on you but he didn't take it that way and a big argument were created from this. You knew Jay, you knew he was the type of person to keep everything inside, to not express his feelings right away, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt you. He accused you of alienating yourself from him, telling you he’d invite you to go with him when he went to Molly's and you were just being dramatic.

You tried to let it go for the sake of the relationship, trying to swallow the lump and think he wasn't doing it on purpose.

But from this episode everything started to go downhill.

When you were with him at the bar, or somewhere else, with his colleagues or friends you couldn't help but notice the way he and his colleague, Hailey, were particularly close. You tried not to let your mind wander, not to listen to your paranoid thoughts but when all you did was see the way they laughed and joked you couldn't keep the jealousy that gripped your stomach at bay.

You had known her since she joined Intelligence. You always knew they were good friends but since you got with Jay you couldn't help but wonder if their relationship had always been like this or if you saw it differently now just because you were in a relationship with him.

As with everything else, you started asking him questions about her and things like that and he didn't think much of it at first but when he started noticing the insistent way Hailey had become involved in your conversations, it started to bother him.

He had tried to reassure you, to tell you there was nothing going on with her but it wasn't enough, since he said the same thing to you too and yet you ended up together. But other than simple phrases and some sweet words thrown into the wind, he didn't seem to do anything to convince you otherwise.

You had never been the jealous type of person, you both had your own circle of friends, but the way Hailey always seemed to be up his ass, bothered you more than you’d never admit.

One evening, after work, you joined Jay at Molly's where you knew he had met with his colleagues and other friends. A strange sensation gripped your stomach as you tried to convince yourself it was only tiredness but inside you knew what the real reason for that anxiety was.

You hoped until the last minute to not see her there, you knew it was wrong, but you didn't want to be in her presence and you didn't want Jay to be either. But when you entered the bar and from afar you saw him and her sitting at the same table, that hope was destroyed in a second.

Jay looked up from her and immediately saw you walk in and a huge smile spread across his face as he waved his hand towards you. You approached the table, greeting everyone with a smile anyone from a mile away could tell was very fake.

“Hi baby, you're finally here.”

Jay stood up and hugged you tightly to his body. You returned that hug, your heart pounding in your chest even though you couldn't just let yourself go completely.

He let go of you and to your surprise pressed his lips to yours in a sweet, chaste kiss, eliciting a series of small squeals and whistles from the table. You giggled and, cheeks burning, went to sit next to Jay on the chair he had kept free for you.

A small smile – this time sincere – appeared on your lips. Jay wasn't the type of person who made sensational or dramatic gestures, he was a rather private person but when it came to you he didn't care about these things, he was very physical and always needed to have you close, to have a hand on you and feel your warmth in a way or another.

But, let's just face it, you loved that gesture mostly because he did it in front of Hailey and the territorial, irrational part of you was doing backflips.

God I don't recognize myself anymore.

“How was work? Wait, first tell me what you want to drink so I can order it for you,” Jay said immediately, an arm around your waist as he looked at you with a sweet smile on his lips. He didn't let you answer though. “You're so beautiful baby, you know that?”.

You giggled like a schoolgirl – being careful to let everyone hear you – and delicately smacking his chest before awkwardly resting your head on his shoulder, trying to hide the bright blush on your cheeks.

He laughed back and left a kiss on your forehead and that was enough to calm you down, to convince yourself he loved you, that he only wanted you, or else he wouldn't have acted so affectionately in front of her.

“What are you drinking?” You asked, feeling his arm move up from your side around your shoulders.

At that same moment a sudden flash blinded both of you for a second and as you looked up you noticed Adam taking photos of you and Jay with his cell phone with a huge grin plastered on his face.

“Ruzek what the fuck!” Jay exclaimed even though he was actually laughing. He paused and then continued, “Make sure to send us those pics man.”

You burst out laughing and at that same moment, while everyone was joking around and making fun of you and Jay, but you couldn't help but glance at Hailey and notice the way her face was twisted into a serious expression while pretending to play along.

You tried not to think much of it, but it disturbed you, because it was just further evidence she had an interest in Jay that went beyond work.

“So tell me about your day baby,” Jay brought his attention back to you when the others finally decided to give both you and him some spite.

“It went well, we only had one intervention. A man stuck in a car after a car accident,” you sipped some of his beer, earning a fake look of disappointment from him, “Really bad story, but everything went well, he survived and they managed to get him to Med's in time.”

“Just because you were there, love.”

“Kiss-ass,” You rolled your eyes, giggling. “How about you? Something interesting happened?”.

What you didn't expect was for Hailey to answer for him, as if she was listening to your conversation the whole time and was just waiting for the moment to intervene. “Oh my god today was hectic. We busted a drug trade. You should’ve seen it Y/n! Jay faced I don't know how many traffickers alone! Come on Jay, tell her!”.

You tried to keep your expression as neutral as possible as you directed your gaze towards her, noticing the way she suddenly perked up and how she looked at your boyfriend.

Did she seriously intruded while you were only talking to him?

Jay on the other hand didn't notice this attitude and laughed with Hailey as they started joking about what had happened that day. They made jokes, laughed as if it was just the two of them and the way his attention had completely shifted towards her caused you quite a bit of annoyance.

You remained silent as you pretended to listen to what they were saying, trying to bite your tongue and not say anything about the fact she was practically hanging on his lips and licking his ass as she praised him.

This was enough to knock your mood into the ground and throw you back into the spiral of paranoid thoughts you managed to keep at bay for a moment.

You hated the way he joked with her, the way they laughed together. Fuck it, he didn't have to feed her illusion and you couldn't even accept how he couldn't see she was blatantly flirting with him.

Your hands were shaking with anger but you wanted to act like a mature person, you wanted to try to stay calm and not let your emotions get the better of you.

“I think I’ll leave now. Jay, can you give me a ride home please? I didn’t came here with my car”.

What? Did I hear that correctly?

You almost had a heart attack, anger now flowing through your veins.

How could she be so bold? Did she forget you were there too?

“Sure, no problem,” was Jay's response and you almost smashed his head on the table. You looked at him in dismay, now unable to keep calm and act like a mature person.

“Jay do I have to remind you I'm here? You’re really going?” you spoke as he was getting up. He looked at you with an apologetic smile, completely unaware of the fact you were furious. You didn't care if they heard you, you didn't care about making a scene.

“But I'm not leaving baby, I'll just take her home and come right back here.” He pressed a kiss to your lips before leaving the bar with her.

You were so angry you couldn't say anything except watch them from afar.

You couldn't believe it.

This was fucking unbelievable.

You looked from the now closed door to Adam, who was sitting in front of you looking at you with frowning eyes and a surprised and confused expression.

“Wow…” you managed to let out, the humiliation forcing you to run your hands over your face for a moment, elbows resting on the table.

“Hey it's okay, calm down,” he tried to reassure you.

“Adam am I seeing things? Is this just my imagination?” You looked at him, still stunned.

He didn't respond but shook his head slightly, effectively answering your question. “But not from his side,” he pointed out “He only has eyes for you Y/n, believe me, but I can't deny this shit isn’t ridiculous.”

“I'm going home.” You blurted out, standing up and not listening to Adam, and then Kim, who tried to calm you down and convince you to stay.

But you couldn't think straight, not at that moment.

Your boyfriend had left you at a bar to give a ride to the female colleague who was actually crazy about him in a way everyone had noticed except for him, without even trying to ask if you wanted to go too or if it was okay with you.

You were so angry, so furious as you had been a few other times in your life, wanting nothing more than to smash something. You hated her, you hated him, you hated yourself for feeling that way.

You hated everything.

When Jay returned to Molly's after about twenty minutes, confusion appeared on his face as he immediately noticed you were no longer sitting at the table as he expected. He approached his friends, not ignoring the dirty looks they gave him.

“Where is Y/n?”.

Kim glared at him, making no effort to show the irritation towards him. “She's gone.”

“What? Why?”.

“Why? Are you fucking serious Jay?” Adam intervened, causing an even more confused expression to appear on his friend's face. His heart was pounding as he thought of every scenario, thinking you hadn't been feeling well.

“What's going on guys?”.

“You're so damn stupid,” Kevin scolded him, sharing the thoughts of his friends. “That was fucked up man.”

“What part of your brain convinced you that taking another woman – who casually has a crush on you – to her house and leaving your girlfriend here was a good idea? Do you understand how absurd this is? She was more mature than me, I would’ve kicked you in your balls,” Kim continued.

Fucking hell.

He realized he screwed everything up really, really badly this time. Without responding to those words, he immediately ran out of the bar, intending to rush to your house.

That night he tried to apologize and make up for it but you didn't want to talk about it and closed the door in his face when he showed up at your house. You didn't care if you seemed exaggerated, or even crazy, you didn't want to give in and you weren't going to let him disrespect you like that.

You completely ignored him for two days, not responding to any of his calls or texts, still too angry to seek a mature confrontation. When you thought you had calmed down, the memory of Jay leaving the bar with Hailey was enough to make you go back to being even more furious than before.

You understood the problem you had was much deeper than you would’ve ever wanted to admit and what hurt you most was not being understood by him.

You spoke with an open heart, you shouted at him and he understood the mistake he had made, promising you he’d try to fix it and stay away from these situations.

This wasn't the case though, in fact this was just one of numerous arguments you and Jay had over the topic of ‘Hailey’. You didn't feel reassured and his attitude did nothing but fuel your unease, making you feel even crazier than you thought.

On the other hand, you understood he too must have gotten tired of arguing about the same things so this contributed to making your relationship with him deteriorate considerably, the lack of trust he perceived made everything even worse.

The breaking point, however, came one morning and from there nothing was the same as before.

That morning you woke up to Jay's cell phone ringing. You had spent the night before together as he stayed over.

“Jay…” you murmured in your sleep, covering your ears to stop hearing that damn ringing. “Who the hell calls this early?”.

Jay removed the arm wrapped around your hip and let out a groan before propping himself up on his elbow and picking up his cell phone, answering the call without even checking who it was. “Halstead”.

You couldn't hear who it was but you turned to him, now giving him your full attention, wide awake.

“Oh yeah I forgot…” he said, rubbing a hand over his face before taking the cell phone away from his ear for a moment and checking the time “Yeah… I know it’s late. I’ll be there in half an hour. Okay. See you later.”

He ended the call before placing his phone on the nightstand and sighing.

“Who was it?” You asked as he stood up.

“I forgot I have breakfast with Hailey…”

Just hearing that name was enough to make your blood boil.

What the fuck?

You couldn't stand her anymore, why was she always around? Why did she always have to interfere? And why the fuck did Jay always have to run to her?

“Jay are you fucking serious?” You exploded, hair standing on end in anger as you jumped up from the bed.

He picked up his pants from the floor, starting to put them on and button them. “I know baby, but I completely forgot it but it's for work I swear or…”

“Work? What kind of ‘work’ is necessary for you to go have breakfast with her? You really think I'm that stupid Jay?!”

“Of course not! What the hell are you even talking about Y/n? I wouldn't even have told you if I had something to hide!”.

“Do you realize what you're doing? Do you realize how you always run to her every time she calls you?! You were in bed with me just five seconds ago and now you're going to her!”.

“I just told you it's for work! We have to go on an undercover mission and we just need to discuss the details Y/n stop implying things that don’t even exist!”.

You ran your hands over your face, frustrated and angry as ever as you watched him put on the shirt.

“Work doesn't tell you to always be up her ass Jay!”.

He looked at you like you had just grown a second head after hearing one of the craziest things in his life. “What the fuck are you even saying? Do you hear yourself when you talk? You realize how ridiculous that sounds? I don’t care about her why are you saying this?!”.

“And of course I'm ridiculous now, great! My boyfriend gets out of bed to go have breakfast with someone else he knew I fucking despise and I'm ridiculous! I'm fucking tired of this relationship and I'm fucking tired of always having her around Jay what the fuck can’t you understand that?!”.

Your words hit him like a tsunami.

I’m tired of this relationship.

Jay felt a sinking sensation in his chest, as if all the air had suddenly been sucked from his lungs. He was silent for a moment, his jaw clenched as he tried not to let the pain caused by those few simple word overwhelm him.

“You’re tired Y/n? You’re fucking tired?!” He almost shouted. “How the fuck do you think I feel when all we talk about is Hailey? You don't talk about anything else! You don't realize how obsessed you have become!”.

“Don't you dare blame me!” You yelled furiously through clenched teeth, pointing a finger at him as you continued to look at each other as if you were both ready to jump on your necks. Your eyes glare at the other, sending lightning and bolts full of anger and resentment. “We wouldn't be in this fucking situation if you had shown me some respect, if you had set boundaries with her! You seem to care more about her than me! Jesus, you know how all this shit makes me feel, you know how much all of this hurts me but you don't seem to give a fuck!”.

“That’s absolutely unbelievable, I can’t even believe how you’re doubting my feeling for you, how can you say something like that? I only have eyes for you Y/n! The whole world knows it, everyone sees it except you! You’re just choosing to let your weird obsession take over everything else.”

“Maybe you’re just shit at proving it because trust me leaving your fucking girlfriend to go have breakfast with another woman doesn’t seem a great way to show her your love!”

“Are you fucking serious right now?”. He clenched his hands into fists to try to maintain the tiny bit of calm he had left, pressing his nails hard against the skin of his palms to vent his anger.

“Yes Jay, I'm fucking serious!”.

“What the fuck are you doing with me then if that's what you think?! Since apparently I can't give you anything and you’re so fucking ungrateful you can't see the good things I do for you!”.

“What the fuck are you doing Jay huh?! Tell me! Is going to Hailey as soon as she calls you a good thing you do for me? Is this how you do it? Flash news my dear, that's not how this fucking works!”.

“I'm not fucking doing anything that’s the damn point! How the hell am I supposed to tell you she's just a colleague and I don't give a shit about her or anyone else but you! Why the fuck do you have so little faith in me!”.

“Because I don't trust you Jay! You really think an ‘I love you’ thrown in every now and then and a bouquet of flowers will fix everything? No it doesn't work like that, you don't solve the problems by just showing a fake reassurance that only lasts a couple of days!”.

“I will have to model myself for her majesty then, to be at her complete pleasure since…-”

You interrupted him. “For fucks sake Jay stop playing the victim! You don't get to do it, you have no right! You're the one going somewhere else what the fuck do you expect from me? Waiting for you with open arms? I'm not ungrateful, maybe you're just a shitty ass boyfriend who can't show me that he cares about me!” You screamed, throwing out everything you had kept inside for a long, long time, regardless of the destroyed and furious expression with which he was looking at you. “You show no respect for me, for my feelings, you don't give a fuck about what I tell you and that’s not even the first time I’m telling you this! It's not the first time I've told you how much this situation hurts me!”.

“Didn't it cross your mind, Y/n, that maybe you're the fucking problem here? That you're so fucking obsessed with that bitch you can't see anything else? That you're just a fucking child and all you can do is whine and whine and whine! You're making my life a living hell with your luck of trust! Every fucking day is a fight about something! You're always so needy, nothing is ever okay with you! Everything I do is wrong!”.

You took a step back at the sound of those words, as if to create a distance between you two. A pain radiated through your chest as your eyes stung while you continued to look at him. You fought with all your being not to let it go, you refused to cry in front of him.

You had come to the realization that maybe you weren't meant to be together, that taking your friendship to the next step was a mistake, you shouldn't have let your feelings get in the way and in that moment you realized that nothing between you would ever be the same.

You looked at each other, furious, both hurt by the words you had said. You looked at each other as if you didn't know each other, as if you were each other's worst enemy and this broke your heart.

“Get the fuck out of my house.” You ordered in a low, trembling tone, a stark contrast to the screams that had been filling the room just moments before. “It's over.”

Did he hear that right?

It’s over.

He was shocked. Getting hit by a bullet would’ve hurt less. He never once thought in his life that hearing you say those words would hurt so damn much, he actually never thought he’d hear those words at all. He swallowed the lump in his throat, suddenly feeling it close and his breath catch, his eyes filling with tears.

“Get out!” You screamed again, your voice cracking from crying. You turned to the window, hands on your face as you waited for him to leave.

You didn't want to see him anymore.

You didn't want him there anymore.

You jumped when you heard the front door slam shut, making a deafening noise. At that precise moment you felt as if all your strength had abandoned your limbs and you fell to the ground, bringing your legs to your chest and crying like you had never done before.

You tried to think through everything that had happened.

You and Jay broke up.

You couldn't believe it, although you knew that moment would come sooner or later.

You had just broke up with the love of your life and felt like the world was collapsing on you. You never wanted it to come to this, damn it, that man was the most beautiful person you'd ever met, you imagined your whole life with him, how could it all be over? How did you end up like this?

Why couldn’t he understand you? Why didn't he try to do it? Why couldn't he see how much you were hurting and how much it hurt to not see any reassurance from him? After all this was what you wanted, just a little reassurance.

You hated him and you hated yourself because despite everything you would’ve taken a bullet rather than see him suffer but you had reached breaking point, you couldn't continue like that.

You loved him so damn much and hated him with same intensity.

You cried all the tears you had in your body, until it was physically impossible for you to expel any more and you remained in that position, sitting on the ground for a time you couldn't quantify.

However, you knew that unfortunately you couldn't stay there forever and that, despite your broken heart, you had a job to do.

As soon as you set foot in the fire station all your colleagues immediately noticed something was wrong. Your eyes were puffy, visible from a mile away even though you were staring at the ground, your posture tense.

You went to your locker and put down the bag with your things inside it, trying with all your being not to cry again. You were at work, you had to be efficient and personal problems had to be left out.

“Y/n, honey, are you okay?” Stella's voice caught your attention but you didn't look at her, you couldn't do it or you would’ve collapsed. You were holding on to the only bit of strength you had to keep from bursting into tears.

“I’m fine.“

“It doesn't seem like it…”

“I'm fine dammit!” You exclaimed loudly, slamming your locker shut and making her jump in fright. You looked at her and a wave of guilt washed over you. “I'm sorry Stel-…” your voice broke as you burst into tears, covering your face with your hands so she wouldn't look at you.

She immediately hugged you and you cried in her arms as she held you and reassured you with all the warmth and affection she had. “Oh darling it's okay, you're not alone, everything will be okay.” She caressed your back and then your hair, while you let yourself go for the second time in less than an hour into one of the most desperate cry of your existence.

Your heart felt torn, completely shattered, as if they had taken it from your chest with their bare hands and dug their nails into it.

“It's okay, I'm here with you, cry as long as you want.”

You had an abyss inside, a storm that was overwhelming you painfully like you never thought it was possible. You didn't believe it was possible to feel such pain, you didn't believe you could even think of suffocating.

And if you were desperate, Jay had reacted in a totally different way.

He was furious.

So angry.

He had never felt something like this, he thought he might explode with anger.

He was angry at you, at himself, at the whole entire world.

It was as if something had flipped a switch inside him, because he could no longer think clearly. After leaving your apartment he didn't know how he managed to get back to his house without getting into an accident, all the way his body was driving but his soul seemed lost, his mind elsewhere.

He slammed the door so hard the noise reverberated throughout the house.

What the fuck had happened? How the fuck did you get to that point? How did you two manage to go from sleeping together the previous night to breaking up the next morning?

It's over.

Your words continued to echo in his brain, repeating over and over again as if he was listening to a broken record.

How could you have done that? How could you have left him?

He was so fucking furious.

“Fuck!” He screamed at the top of his lungs, not even caring if the neighbors could hear him. He would’ve punched anyone who dared to approach him at that moment.

He didn't know how or when it had happened but in the grip of blind fury he found himself breaking any object he came across, throwing vases against the wall, chairs, glasses, anything. The deafening silence in that apartment was broken only by the sound of his heavy and uncontrolled breathing mixed with the crashing of objects against the walls.

This wasn't enough though, he wasn't even able to partially calm the anger he felt.

“Fuck everything! Fuck you!” He screamed again as if you were in front of him.

It's over.

Why?

Jay couldn't give himself an answer. He knew things weren't going well for a while but he’d never, ever, ever imagine leaving you. He wanted to face everything with you, any kind of obstacle, because he wanted it to work, because since he had met you and even when you were just friends he hadn’t doubted for a second you weren’t the woman of his life.

He had said horrible things. Things he didn't even think.

You hadn't ruined his existence, on the contrary, his life would probably have ended in the abyss if he had never met you.

He was shocked.

He didn't want to believe it, he just couldn’t.

He was sure everything would be resolved, your love couldn't just end that way. He hadn't spent years pining for you only to lose you like that, just because of a misunderstanding.

His cell phone rang but he didn't pay attention to it as his shining eyes looked at his half-destroyed apartment.

He had to get out of there, he needed to distract himself as he couldn't stay in that damn room where everything reminded him of you, where everything screamed your name. Hell, if he closed his eyes he could hear your laughter filling his apartment as he chased you one night after you stole the bag of chips he was happily eating.

By the time he arrived at the district the intense anger had somehow subsided even though he was in no condition to do anything as his mind was completely elsewhere.

He had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes when he saw Hailey sitting on his desk. It was her fault and he was hating her for it.

Inside he actually knew this wasn’t true, it was only his fault for not being able to do things differently and yours for not trusting him enough but he wasn’t thinking clearly.

“Halstead where the hell have you been?! I waited for you for more than half an hour!”.

Just hearing her voice was enough to make him go back to the anger he had so difficultly tried to suppress. He didn't have the strength or desire to put up with anyone, especially not at that moment when everything in his life seemed to be falling apart.

“Hailey don't start this bullshit okay? God I can't stand you anymore just leave me the fuck alone! And find yourself another fucking partner from now on I’ve had enough of this shit!”.

Jay's loud voice made Voight leave his office but he didn't care just as he didn't care about the shocked expression with which she looked at him, not expecting that outburst in the slightest.

“What is going on here?” Voight's gravely voice echoed through the unit.

Jay gave him a look and without another word he left, ignoring his boss' voice calling out for him. He was walking down the stairs when he bumped into Kevin.

“Hey man dammit! Woah, are you okay?” Kevin asked, stopping in his steps and getting worried when he noticed the frantic way Jay was walking. He didn't answer him, ignoring Kevin completely as he continued towards the exit of the district.

He couldn't do this, he couldn't deal with this.

He couldn't function if you weren't there.

How was he supposed to do it?

-

The two months following the breakup were one of the hardest Jay had to face. Since you had met years ago that was the first time you hadn't spoken and to say he felt like shit was an understatement.

Some would’ve thought the reaction was exaggerated since you’ve been together for just few months, but Jay had loved you long before he even confessed his feelings for you. You had entered his life like a hurricane and now that you left he felt empty.

Empty.

Lost.

That's how he felt.

And not even these words could remotely describe how he actually felt. He was so used to having you in his life, to sharing everything with you, than even after two months he could resign himself to your breakup.

The anger had subsided but it was still there, no longer towards you – or rather only in a small part – but above all towards himself.

He was angry with you because he couldn't accept how you had given up so quickly at the first big obstacle. But then again, who was he kidding, you had every reason to do it and this was the reason why he, on the other hand, was furious with himself.

After the initial shock, as time passed, Jay had reflected on everything that had happened and what had led to the breakup and, also after speaking with his friends and brother, he realized how many mistakes he had done and how right you were saying he had been a shitty boyfriend.

He had disrespected you by not considering your feelings, he had neglected them thinking every problem would just go away on its own.

He had accused you of being irrational, oppressive and he had never realized how harmful these things were, not trying to really reflect on why were acting like that.

But it was too late.

You only realize you had something important only when you lose it, this was so true.

He mistakenly hadn't given enough importance to your feelings, your thoughts, your fears. He hadn't reassured you enough when you expressed your fears, he hadn't done what was necessary to make you go to sleep peacefully at night and he would’ve cursed himself forever for this.

He was hurting but he knew it was nothing compared to what you had been through with his carelessness and superficiality for so long, so he deserved to suffer. It's true, he deserved it – he thought – but every morning he woke up and wondered when it would end, when that emptiness would go way, when that constant sensation of his lungs being compressed and not being able to breathe would stop.

Talking to Adam one time, he pointed out Jay was wrong for not to setting boundaries with Hailey even though their relationship had always been like this even when you and him were still friends.

“We all noticed how Hailey was looking for every opportunity to get close to you man so I'm sorry to say but everything that happened was your fault. You’re like a brother to me you know this, but Y/n has every reason to be furious with you, you should’ve set some boundaries and shouldn't have never let her think another person comes before her. I don't blame her for breaking up with you.”

These words made Jay open his eyes, although ever since that day when he made that outburst against Hailey in the unit he had relaxed their partnership to the bare minimum after asking Voight to change partner. He no longer spoke to her except for work, he no longer went out when she was around, he didn't answer any calls or messages and god only knew how much he wanted to call you to tell you that but he also knew it was too late to fix it since he should’ve done this much sooner.

He thought about how he would’ve felt if the roles had been reversed and he didn't have to think twice about the fact that he would’ve reacted even worse than you did. This obviously only made him feel worse.

The question he asked himself two months ago was never answered.

Jay didn't know how to function without you. He didn't know how to exist in a world where you weren't part of it.

He couldn't sleep well anymore without you beside him and even though two months had passed, every night he found himself looking at the photos of you two and, God, how much he would’ve paid to go back to those moments and be able to relive them.

His gaze landed on one of the pictures Adam took at Molly's the fucking night when he decided giving Hailey a ride home would be a smart thing to do. God, on second thought if he could just go back in time – not giving a shit about seeming mean and insensitive – he would’ve even let her walk in the rain and snow if it meant having you with him again.

A bitter smile played on his lips as his vision blurred with tears. He had cried so much in those past months, more than he’d ever want to admit, and there were countless times where he called Will to come over and always ended up crying in front of him.

Fuck he missed you so much.

How was it possible to want someone so bad? How was it possible to miss someone so much he felt like he was dying everyday even after two months?

He sniffled as he paid attention to the photo again. You were so beautiful and seemed so carefree. He had his arm around your shoulders and you had half your face buried in his chest as you both laughed about something he couldn’t remember.

Jay struggled to recognize himself.

He didn't remember what it was like to be so happy anymore, to smile so much his jaw hurt, to feel his heart full of joy. By now he no longer smiled, if it wasn't for the strained and fake smiles he addressed to colleagues and friends from time to time.

He was so fucking happy with you and he had let slip the only source of such happiness, the only person who had ever managed to make him almost touch the sky with a finger.

He wiped away a tear that had slipped down his cheek as his finger traced the outline of your figure imprinted in the picture. This was all he had left. Just some photos and videos.

You were so beautiful, the most gorgeous woman his eyes had ever had the pleasure of laying on and the way you smiled in those photos, God, your smile was breathtaking.

The movie played in the background as he continued to look back at all the photos and videos of you he had saved in his gallery for the millionth time. He would’ve let someone rip his organs out with bare hands and let them being sold on the black market if it meant having you back.

He wanted nothing more than to go back to those happy and carefree times, to those moments he seemed to take for granted.

What would he have done to be able to make you laugh like that again, to hug you so hard until he took your breath away. What would he have given to have you back with him, to be able to open the car door for you, to hear you sing all the songs you knew on the radio or to be able to take you to your favorite restaurant and watch you stuff yourself with food with your eyes shining with joy until you exploded.

What he would’ve given to see you watch your favorite movie a thousand more times and be moved every single time while he hugged you and dried the tears you always denied having.

What would he even give to see you so grumpy and sad when your period was about to come but how that nervousness instantly disappeared and how your face lit up the moment he went to your house with a bag full of chocolate and junk food.

What would he have given to be able to sleep beside you again, to be able to cradle you in his arms and whisper sweet words until you fell asleep when you weren't sleepy or when, on the contrary, you denied you were sleepy but ended up falling asleep literally three minutes later . What would he have given to open his eyes in the morning and see you lying next to him, with only the sheet covering your body, to see your hair scattered on the pillow and some strands in front of your face, or feel your scent invade his nostrils every time you were close to him.

And, damn it, he would’ve given anything to even take back your cooking and your terribly prepared dishes. He missed going to your house and seeing the kitchen upside down with literally all the dirty dishes and pots. God, you were a terrible cook but he loved so much the immense effort you put into cooking something you knew he loved and yet he still ate whatever you made for him with a smile on his face, not admitting the food was overcooked or raw or even charred, just so he could see the look of pure joy on your face as he ate it.

He had never left a single plate full.

And that was the difference between you and him.

You always tried hard for him, you always tried to improve, to bite the bullet even if you didn't like something just so as not to bother him. You did it until you reached your breaking point and he understood this, even if it was too late.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

The guilt was eating him alive. He couldn't accept in any way the most beautiful things that ever happened to him had ended that way and above all because of him.

He couldn’t stop thinking about you.

What were you doing? Were you thinking of him? Did you miss him? How were you?

It had been two fucking months since he had seen you, that he hadn't heard from you even though he had tried several times to call you and text you even though – understandably – you had never replied to him. He went to your house so many times he couldn’t count them but every single time before knocking on your door he’d froze, not knowing what to do and fearing your reaction. So he turned and walked away, not sparing himself crying like a three-year-old.

He had asked his friends with whom you had kept in touch about you but they said it wasn't their place to say things that concerned you since you two have broken up and that he had to stop hurting himself and take the matter in his hands.

Jay had stopped going out, his life was now home-work work-home. He didn't even know how he managed to do his job, let alone think about going out and sitting at a bar.

The truth was that he was scared as hell.

He was afraid to see you again, he was afraid to look at you and know you no longer gave a fuck about him, he was afraid of how he’d react after so long without seeing you.

He jumped when he heard someone knocking on the door and quickly wiped away his tears, locking the phone and throwing it on the couch before getting up and going to see who it was.

Oh, and the cell phone was new obviously. He didn't want to think back to how he had destroyed the old one by throwing it furiously against the wall.

“Will what are you doing here?” Jay asked as he opened the door and let his brother in, closing it behind him.

“Go get dressed, we’re going out.”

“I'm not going anywhere, I'm watching a movie.” He sat back on the couch, looking at the TV even though he didn't even remember the name of the movie.

“It wasn't a request Jay. I've had enough of seeing you like this. You have to take your life into your own hands, aren't you tired of this?”

Jay rolled his eyes. “Will just leave me alone please, I don't want to go out.”

Will walked over and took the remote control before turning off the TV and placing it back on the coffee table. “Like I said, it wasn't a request. Go get dressed, let's go to a bar for a drink and we are not going Molly's don't worry. You need to get out Jay, you've been doing nothing but staying inside the house for two months.”

“Will… I swear to God,” Jay scolded, feeling his anger and irritation grow more and more.

“No brother, listen to me. I know it hurts, I can only imagine how much but it's time you start to move on. I know you still love her but it's full of people out there you might know. She left you and it was probably for the best...”

Jay didn't even let him finish his sentence.

He suddenly got up and grabbed him by the shirt, seething with anger and refraining from giving him a punch just because he was his brother.

“If you know what's best for you, don't even dare to finish the sentence,” he spat through clenched teeth and Will nodded, knowing he was in no condition to think clearly. Jay let him go but the anger was still there.

“Jay, listen I'm sorry…”

“No fuck you! How can you think it’s better this way? How could you say that! She is the best for me, if it’s not her I don't want anyone else. After all this time, you know what I’ve been through since we were just friend, you know how I won't be able to love anyone like I love her so stop trying to pair me with someone every fucking opportunity you get, I'm sick of it!”.

Will nodded, feeling guilty for pushing his brother so hard. “I’m sorry Jay, you’re right I went too far but I’m just worried about you. I hate seeing you this way and I wasn't kidding about taking back your life. You can't keep going like this,” he said “Let's at least go have a drink and get some fresh air, I promise I won't say anything else.”

So this was how Jay found himself sitting at a bar he had never been to before with his brother – who had also invited other friends besides those from the unit – regretting the fucking moment he agreed with that shit.

Hailey was there too but he didn't even say hello to her or gave her single glance. He didn't care although he knew she had nothing to do with it but he couldn't help but feel resentment towards her.

Don't blame others for your bullshit and for not being able to keep your girlfriend, his conscience added.

Jay ended up drinking and getting drunk until he couldn't stand without help. He wasn't the type to drink but in that moment he would’ve done anything to just stop thinking about you even for just a minute. But the thing was that even when he was drunk he couldn't stop blurting out your name and not think about you, so this was no use.

Will ended up letting him sleep at his house, not feeling like leaving him alone, a chasm in his heart while looking at his brother reduced to that state and not being able to do anything to help him.

“Oh Y/n what have you done do to my brother,” he sighed before casting one last glance at Jay asleep on the bed in the guest room before closing the door behind him.

But if only Will had known what conditions you were in too, he would’ve asked this same question to you.

What have Jay done to you?

In the two months after the breakup, not a day had gone by without not wanting him back and cry in his arms, telling him you regretted leaving him.

It was hard, damn it was, but you had to be strong.

You didn't know how you didn't give in but no matter how much you loved him, no matter how much your heart ached agonizingly, you couldn't go back, not if there was no change.

You believed that at least after the break up he’d try to fight for your relationship, that he’d demonstrate he loved you as much as he professed but you started to wonder if it was even true or not.

The passing of those two months could be compared to riding a roller coaster. One day you were angry like never before, another you seemed to feel better, another you had to ask for a work leave because you had spent the night crying all the tears you had in your body until you didn't even have the strength to get up the next morning.

You had also discovered that alcohol could be a good companion but after three weeks of continuous drinking and you calling some of your friends in tears, you realized it really wasn't that good and it made you think of Jay more than you normally did. You lost count of the number of times your friends had taken your cell phone from you to prevent you from calling Jay in your drunken state.

But you missed that bastard son of a bitch so much.

And you hated yourself because you couldn't hate him even when he had made you suffer.

You asked yourself so many times if it had been the right decision, if you hadn't made it too hastily, letting yourself be guided solely by your negative emotions.

No, your conscience quickly intervened when these thoughts crept into your mind.

You had already spoken up to him many times, you had explained to him how uncomfortable his friendship with Hailey made you feel but he had decided to ignore your words and not give importance to them. All of this hurt you so damn much, especially knowing he didn't care enough like you thought he did.

It didn't matter how much you had to suffer, this wasn’t what you wanted for yourself.

You didn't want to have to beg for his attention, you didn't want to have to tearfully tell him every single time how bad the way he talked and laughed with her made you feel or how ignored you felt sometimes. You wanted a carefree love, you wanted a love where the person next to you took you above all others, a love where your man saw no other person but you, you wanted a love so intense you had to be the center of his world.

And you really thought you won the lottery with Jay.

He was the perfect man for you, or at least he had been for the first few months. God what would you have given to relive those times. They were pure heaven, you felt like you were constantly floating on clouds, almost exploding with happiness. You really felt like the center of his world and you wondered what had happened, why everything had fallen apart.

Maybe you were too pretentious, maybe you lived too much on fairy tales and romance novels, maybe you were destined to be alone and not meet anyone who’d give you what you wanted. Maybe you had to settle down and lower your expectations.

But no, damn it, you’d didn’t want to do that.

You’d never settle for a mediocre love or a person who gave you the bare minimum, even if it meant dying alone.

You knew Jay was and would forever be the one and only, you wouldn’t be able to love anyone like you loved him.

“Y/n you still there?” Stella's voice brought you back to reality.

“Oh yeah, sorry, I was just… A little bit lost in my thoughts.”

You and Stella were taking a walk in the park after your shift, even though it was cold. You had initially refused, wanting nothing more than to go home and cry yourself to sleep as you looked at the photos of you with Jay and regretted the love you had probably lost forever. But Stella didn't want to listen and you had to thank her. You wouldn't have known what to do if she hadn't been there in those two months. She had truly become your rock.

“Don't worry, I get it,” she replied with a sweet smile on her face. “You want to tell me what were you thinking about?”.

“No, I don't really want to talk about it, I've already stressed you out enough with this whole thing,” you said, putting your frozen hands in your jacket’s pockets. There was almost no one in that park if it hadn't been for a few passers-by who were taking their dog for a walk.

Autumn had already begun, the trees were mostly almost all bare from their leaves and you couldn't help but feel like them. Empty, bare, devoid of any emotion other than a sense of loss and profound sadness.

I hate you Jay Halstead.

And I also love you so damn much.

“Y/n I told you a thousand times not to keep things inside, I'm here and I’ll happily listen to you, don't think for a second you can be a burden to me.”

You turned to her and gave her a smile, perhaps one of the only sincere ones you'd given in the last two months. You felt your eyes fill with tears and you cursed yourself for feeling so emotional, how you seemed to do anything but cry at the smallest thing.

She understood you instantly, even when you looked away from her and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, giving you an encouraging hug.

You let out a sigh as the cold air prickled your face, immediately wiping away a lone tear that slid down your cheek.

“I don’t know Stella, I’m so confused…” you started to speak “I miss him so much and I… I wonder when I’ll stop feeling this way.”

“I know you miss him, it's natural Y/n. Don't pressure yourself about this, give yourself time to get over it, it's only been two months,” she paused for a moment, giving you a look, “But you don't want to get over it, do you?”.

How did she know exactly how you felt?

You nodded feebly, feeling terribly stupid.

“I don't want to go on without him, I don't know how to do it... He made me feel like shit and all I can think about is that I’d love nothing more than for him to knock on my door,” you spoke, giving voice to your thoughts “I feel so stupid because I should be mad at him and fuck I am, I wish he had fought for us, I wish he hadn't limited himself to few stupid calls and texts, I wish he had listened to me when I talked to him about our problems, but… God, at the same time if he came back I know I’d go back to him in a heartbeat because I don't know how to be without him...” tears were now streaming down your face and Stella listened to you carefully while she continued to keep her arm around your shoulder. “Am I being crazy?”.

“Oh darling, of course you aren’t. Like I said, it is more than normal, in fact I’d be worried if you didn't feel this way.”

“Was I stupid to leave him?”.

“No, you did the right thing if that’s what you felt, I would probably have done the same thing if Kelly did this or worse. Even if you love Jay to death that doesn't mean you have to spend your relationship feeling anxious every time you see him with Hailey or constantly worrying that something might happen between the two of them, or asking him to spend time with you and take you on dates or something like that. It's best to set the record straight from the start, if there's one thing you shouldn't do it's keep it all inside you. Just know that sooner or later you will explode and believe me, if you had done this the outcome would’ve been far worse.”

“I know, I know… You’re right,” you sighed “But when will this end?” you sniffed at the same time she handed you a tissue.

“I wish I could answer that Y/n, but unfortunately this is love. It's beautiful and ugly, it's joy and pain. I always thought love and hate were two sides of the same coin and it doesn't take much to erase the line between them,” she sighed, feeling sorry for you.

“Well, love sucks right now.”

You both let out a laugh and you dried you tears, again. “Trust me honey I know but… Can I tell you what I think?”.

“Yes, please.”

“I think if fate wants it, it’ll bring you back together. Darling, you two broke up not because the love ended but because you reached the breaking point after so much tension and arguments. I’m one hundred percent sure that everything happened between you was due to communication problems: he didn't fully understand your problems and you didn't have the patience to make him understand them,” she softly spoke.

“Unfortunately, you have to understand you’re two different people honey and as such you have different thoughts and views of life so what’s important for you doesn’t mean it will be as much as important for him and vice versa. He wasn’t good at understanding this and I think this was his fault; he had to put himself in your shoes, and you couldn't take it the fact he didn’t immediately get why his relationship with Hailey – along with other issues – made you feel the way you felt,” she took a pause while you listened with meticulous attention to every single word.

“He was superficial, this is true, but his problem didn't come from this. Think for a second how it must’ve felt to be constantly accused of something that I myself am certain isn’t the truth, to feel the lack of trust from the person you love,” she continued to speak as you both kept waking slowly.

“Y/n that man lives and breathes for you, his heart beats for no one but you, I see the way he looks at you and the way he talks about you when you’re not there. I saw the way he’s struggling right now and I’m very sure if you called him this very moment he’d be here begging you on his knees to come back with him. I’m not on his side though, like I said, I really think you guys just had communication issues and you need a little more patience with each other. I'm not saying you didn't do the right thing, on the contrary, I think this breakup however painful, could be the turning point for you and I'm one hundred percent sure you’ll get back together, just mark my words.”

-

You spent the following weekend locked in your house avoiding any social interaction.

You did nothing but think over and over again about Stella's words during your walk and you would’ve been lying if you said the idea of calling Jay or going to him hadn't crossed your mind more intensely than before.

You didn't do it though, fear and pride blocking you.

What if he had moved on? What if he had already forgotten about you? What if he hooked up with Hailey?

No, no, no, fuck no.

These questions continued to haunt you and were what stopped you from doing something stupid. You wouldn't have been able to bear it, you weren't ready to know this and probably never would’ve been.

It had been two months since you had seen him or heard from him but every time you wanted to ask your friends about him you stopped yourself out of pure selfishness, because you were afraid of the answer. You knew if they answered those unexpressed questions and make your fears reality, it would’ve killed you. You’d never recover, no matter how dramatic and absurd that sounded.

Selfishly speaking, you hoped he was feeling as shitty as you were, just because that would’ve meant he still cared about you and that you were still somewhere in his mind like he was constantly in yours.

Monday came slowly and you were never so grateful for it, feared that if you were left alone with your mind another day you’d shoot your brain out with a rifle.

You entered the shower with the intention of washing yourself quickly, trying to ignore the memories of the ones you took with Jay.

“God please, stop,” you whispered to yourself. Why didn’t it get easier? Why couldn't you do anything without some fucking thing reminding you of him? Why couldn't you just forget?

You burst into tears, letting them mix with the tap water that wet your face. You leaned against the cold tiles, as you sobbed into your hands covering your face.

You couldn't take it anymore.

It was getting unbearable.

You placed a hand at your heart level, feeling how it was beating wildly. Your chest rose and fell rapidly and as numerous sobs came out of your mouth and copious tears from your eyes, you started to feel the horrible sensation of not being able to breathe, as if the walls had suddenly started to close around you.

You were familiar with that feeling unfortunately, it wasn't the first time it had happened to you in those last two months and all you could do was just let it happen, sit on the ground and wait for it to pass.

And that was exactly what you did, sitting on the floor of the shower, letting the water hit your back until it got cold and you calmed down.

When you arrived at work you felt like a zombie.

You hadn't had breakfast, your twisted stomach prevented you from being able to swallow any food, and you felt rather weak.

Absurdly you hoped there would be an accident, a fire, any kind of thing that would allow you to keep your mind occupied for at least a few hours.

And for once in your life, fate seemed to follow your will.

Your team was called to the scene of an accident that very morning, a couple of hours after you arrived at the fire station. It was a road accident, a car had crashed into a guardrail and the victim was trapped in the vehicle.

When you arrived at the crime scene it started raining, making that shitty day even shittier.

You didn't have time to think about the rain, you had a person to save but it made the job even more difficult. The car was completely destroyed in the front and there were pieces of glass from the car windows and braking marks on the asphalt, making you wonder how fast the driver was going to end up in that state. You were even surprised he was still alive.

“Hey buddy just hang on okay? We'll get you out of there, just hold on for a few minutes and don't make sudden movements,” you tried to reassure him, slightly leaning forward so you could look at him. The driver was a boy who couldn’t have exceeded the age of twenty and he was about to have a panic attack. You didn't blame him though, no one would want to be in that situation.

“Get me out of here!” He kept screaming.

You and the other firefighters on the scene worked together to get the victim out of the car which was now reduced to a pile of scrap that looked more like a can of tuna.

You managed to get him out of the car but not before putting a collar around his neck to stabilize the cervical vertebrae in case they were fractured. You and your colleague, Alex, removed him from the car and immediately placed him on the stretcher, locking the straps around his body.

Even though he was almost out of danger, the stranger continued to move, shouting to let him go.

“Hey, hey, hey! Listen to me! It's okay, you're safe now. They’ll take you to the hospital where they’ll treat you okay?” You tried for the umpteenth time to calm the boy down before looking at the paramedics and nodding at them, signing they could finally transport the victim on the ambulance.

“Y/n! Come here!” Alex's voice caught your attention and you joined him towards the crashed car.

“Am I tripping or does this look like blood?” He asked, pointing to the rear trunk which was closed and from which streams of what certainly appeared to be blood were coming out.

“Holy shit,” you let out and you both exchanged a worried look. “Take the crowbar.”

With no small amount of ease you managed to open the trunk and nothing could have prepared you for what you found yourselves facing.

“Fuck!” “Oh shit!” You and Alex exclaimed almost at the same time, covering your noses from the nauseating smell that had hit you right in the face, simultaneously taking steps backwards.

There was a fucking dead body in the trunk of that car and in that moment you understood why the driver was so agitated and in a hurry to run away.

“Call the police.”

It was the Intelligence who intervened at the crime scene and it wasn't even necessary to say you were a bundle of nerves. Your stomach was churning in anxiety as you tried to stay calm, the thought of having to see Jay again almost made you throw up.

You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw Antonio arrive alone, fuck, you weren't ready to face Jay, not on the crime scene where you had found a body.

“Mornin’ guys. So what do we have here?” Antonio asked as soon as he greeted you and Alex. He gave you a longer look than usual, giving you a smile that screamed pity and sorrow.

God, did you look that bad?

Alex explained the situation and everything that happened while you listened. The rain was incessant and by now all your hair was sticking to your forehead even though it was tied up in a ponytail. The cold was almost unbearable even though you were wearing your uniform jacket which was quite heavy.

You were talking to Antonio after Alex got back to your other colleagues when you saw him and you almost had a heart attack.

Jay.

You froze in place, feeling all your muscles suddenly atrophy and paralyze. You blinked several times, fearing you were having a hallucination.

“Y/n? You okay?” Antonio's voice reached your ears very far away, your attention focused on the only person who had ever made your heart beat so fast you feared it’d stop.

You know when you hear in a movie the characters say time stops when they see the person they love?

You had always thought it was just a cliché thing but in that moment you really realized how truth that statement was.

Everything seemed to disappear, rain evaporated, people vanished.

It was two months. Two months of not seeing him. Two months of pure torture and hell and now he was there in front of you, beautiful as the sun.

He was wearing a jacket whose pockets he had put his hands in, a hood covering his hair as he walked towards the yellow police tape. He put a hand out of his pocket to lift it and go under it after nodding to the cops, tucking his hand back into his pocket immediately afterwards.

You felt your knees give away and you didn't know how you managed not to collapse there in front of everyone.

But it was when your eyes met that your breath was completely knocked out of your lungs.

Jay stopped in his tracks instantly, as if he'd bumped into something. He couldn't help but widen his eyes and part his lips as his brain processed the vision in front of him.

Was it really you? Wasn't he dreaming?

The cold vanished almost instantly as a sensation of heat coursed through his body, causing every cell in his system to light up on fire. He didn't expect to see you, not like that and not after two months.

He had to repress the desire to run to you and throw himself at your feet and pray for your forgiveness. He was overwhelmed by a wave of emotions.

Happiness.

Sadness.

Repentance.

Emptiness.

Anger.

Pain.

The memories of your last meeting overwhelmed him. His heart shattered even more than it already was when he remembered the last time he had seen and spoken to you, you both had shouted the worst evil things at each other.

It's over.

Even from afar your eyes managed to hypnotize him but he couldn't help but notice how the light that characterized them, that light in those eyes he continuously dreamed about and which he still loved with all his being, had disappeared.

And it was his fault, he was the one who did this to you.

He had noticed the dark circles surrounding your eyes, perhaps even worse than his, and guilt was added to all those feelings he felt.

It was all his fault.

His eyes filled with tears when you looked away, wanting nothing more than to run away and cry.

He saw Antonio turn towards him and give him a look before returning his attention to you and saying something. Jay didn't have the strength to get closer, the fear was paralyzing him. He couldn’t even let out a sound.

But how much he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs how much he loved you, so deeply you made completely lose his mind to the point he couldn’t breathe without you, sleep, or even eat.

He just stood there like an idiot while staring at you, not moving a single muscle.

You’re so fucking mesmerizing Y/n. How can someone be so beautiful?

You said something to Antonio and looked at Jay again before turning your back and walking away, joining the rest of your colleagues who were about to go back to the fire station.

“Halstead you okay?” Antonio asked as he approached him but Jay didn't even seem to listen to him as his eyes were following your every move. “Jay.”

“I'm fine,” he murmured, never taking his eyes off you. You were taking some tools he couldn't even identify and loading it onto the fire truck.

“Jay, man, look at me please.”

But he didn't.

He didn't take his eyes off you until you got into the truck and drove away, not before you exchanged another look.

Jay let out a sigh he didn't even know he was holding, then ran his hands over his face wet because of the rain.

He looked at the gray sky for a moment, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in an attempt to regain control of himself.

He hated all of this. He hated you still had so much control over him, his thoughts, how you managed to mess him up so badly he couldn't properly function anymore. You had such power over him and you didn't even know it. How the fuck could you even doubt he didn't care about you?

“I’m sorry,” he murmured when he realized how idiotic he must have looked.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“How is she?”.

Antonio sighed. “She… She’s not doing very well Jay, she was shaking when she saw you. Why don't you just talk to her and solve your problems? It's so obvious that neither of you are over it yet.”

It was now late afternoon and Jay was out of his mind.

For the rest of the day he thought of nothing but you and meeting you that morning. Even as the team investigated the case about the body you found, everyone had noticed how his mind was totally elsewhere.

He said something from time to time, participating in the investigations when he seemed to wake up from his thoughts and then immediately distanced himself from them again.

He didn't miss Voight's lecture, who chided him about how distracted he had been lately. He told him he understood the hard time he was going through but that he should leave his problems outside the district.

He was quite understanding, even when Jay came to him and told him he no longer wanted to be partnered with Hailey, but enough was enough. Jay had to be concentrated, he couldn't afford distractions in a job like his because just one small mistake could’ve cost him his life.

“What happened man? You seem even more out of your mind than usual today,” Adam stated when he entered the break room and saw his friend sitting on the small sofa, looking down and a cup of steaming coffee in his hands.

“I saw her,” Jay replied softly.

“What? Seriously? When? Have you guys talked?”.

Jay shook his head. “This morning, at the crime scene, she was one of the firefighters there,” he sighed as his mind was haunted by your eyes “We didn't talk. I just looked at her from afar.”

Adam sighed as he poured himself some coffee too. “How much longer are you planning to go on like this? You're becoming unbearable Halstead.”

“Excuse me?”.

“Yes, you heard me mate. You’ve been a pain the ass. Either you get back with her or move on, just stop crying to yourself like a baby and do something. Are you waiting for a fucking miracle to get you back together? Then you can wait forever because it will never happen. You make your own destiny.”

Jay looked at him not knowing whether to laugh or feeling offended.

But damn, was he right.

He was tired of feeling this way, of this continuing suffering, of being without you. It had been too long and he didn't want to live that way anymore. He no longer wanted to wake up in the morning and constantly wonder when the damn day would end, he no longer wanted to roll over in bed and not seeing you lying next to him, he no longer wanted to wake up in the middle of the night because of some nightmare where you were happily in love with another man.

He wanted to be your man, he wanted to give you all the happiness you deserved, he wanted to be the one to give you everything you needed.

He had been so stupid for even letting this much time pass.

All he had to do was go to you and do everything within his power to make you truly trust him again, to proving you how much he loved you, how much his world revolved only around you, how much only you made him happy.

Either it was you or he’d die in total solitude and he didn't want that. He wanted to be with you, he wanted to die like a decrepit old man while he held your hand.

He hadn't spent so many years of friendship longing for you only to give up like that and let you go, he couldn't do that. He didn’t want to live with that ‘if’, with the fear of taking a few steps towards you because he was afraid of your rejection, even if it would’ve hurt him, he wanted to give his all.

For this reason he placed the cup of coffee on the table and ran away at the speed of light, leaving Adam standing there who, however, immediately understood the intentions of his friend and grinned to himself.

Jay didn't bother wearing his jacket or getting an umbrella to protect himself from the rain that was pouring incessantly since the morning, not caring about anything other than coming to you.

Although it was only 5:30 PM, it was already dark outside. The rain was pounding so hard the walk from the district to his car was enough to get him soaked from head to toe.

If in other moments he would’ve torn a limb rather than get into the car with his soaked clothes and wet the seats, in that instant it was the last thing on his mind. He thought about how you’d react seeing him in that situation, he knew you’d tease him forever. Just the thought made him smile.

It was Monday and he knew you had a double shift that day so he drove to the fire station at the speed of light, hoping to find you there. He didn't care you were in the middle of the shift, he just needed to see you.

He parked the car crookedly, got out and ran towards the fire station. The first person he met was Stella, who looked at him with a weird look as soon as she noticed the condition he was in.

“Stella, hi... Where is Y/n? I need to talk to her.”

He gave her a confused look at her when he saw her slightly grinning as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Finally Halstead, took you long enough don't you think? Two months…”

“I know, I've been a stupid piece of shit,” he interrupted her not being able to contain himself anymore “But please tell me where she is.”

“She went home an hour and a half ago, she said she wasn't feeling well.”

Worry took over. “Wait what? Did something happened?”.

Stella rolled her eyes. “You're such an idiot Jay. Physically she's fine, emotionally not much and it's because of you,” she pointed her index finger at his chest. “You better fix the mess you've made.”

He felt like shit, more than he already was. He hated the thought of you being in pain, especially because of him. “I'll try, if she still wants to talk to me.”

“She has every reason not to,” Stella commented.

He nodded. She was right. “She’s home right?”.

“Last time I checked, yes.”

“Thank you Stella.”

Jay started to walk away but her voice made him stop.

“I never want to see her cry again Jay so if you don't believe in what you're doing and if you think you can't give her what she needs you better turn around and drive your stupid ass back to your house,” she threatened him. “She wouldn't be able to go through everything she's been through these past few months again, so I'm warning you, I'll rip your balls off and make you wear them like earrings if you make her suffer again.”

“I'm not going to Stella, she…” he sighed trying to find the right words to describe how he felt about you “She is my whole world, I've never been as sure of anything as I am of how much I love her, I just want her back.”

Stella nodded. “Now go.”

When Jay arrived outside your apartment building, a wave of relief went through him as he noticed your car was parked in its usual spot. But it was soon replaced by disappointment when after knocking your door several times there was no answer.

He thought about calling you but he didn't want to scare you away, he didn't want you to have the chance to escape since he wanted to talk to you at all costs.

He went outside again, and sat on the steps outside the main entrance waiting for you, his head bowed as droplets of water were falling on the asphalt. He luckily managed to sit where the rain wouldn’t come although the still soaked clothes were starting to bother him. He didn't care though, this was truly the last thing on his mind.

Where were you? Were you alone? Were you with anyone else?

He shook his head. He didn't even want to think about it, knowing he’d most likely get a life sentence without parole if he ever saw another man next to you.

He didn’t also want to think it wouldn’t be his businesses since you two weren’t together anymore.

Contrary to what Jay thought, you had just gone for a walk, unable to stay at home since you were afraid if you were left alone with your thoughts again you’d go crazy. You thought you were stupid for asking to leave early from work so you could stay at home and rest but then didn't want to stay because the anguish was so intense you couldn't even sit still.

So you ended up taking an umbrella and going out for a walk, without a specific destination. You just wanted to clear your head and get some fresh air. Even though the rain was bothering you since that morning, you still loved the sound of it and the smell it left in the air.

Seeing Jay had shocked you more than you would’ve ever imagined, even though you knew quite well how it’d end. You had wondered numerous times what it’d be like to meet him again after two months of not hearing from him, you knew it wouldn't be easy, but you didn't think it would’ve such a deep effect on you to not even let you do your job.

It was as if you jumped back to the day you broke up and that very little progress you had made over the course of those months disintegrated as soon as you met his beautiful eyes.

You walked for a time that seemed infinite to you even though barely an hour had passed and when your hands started to lose sensitivity due to the cold, you decided it was the time to head back home.

The journey to your apartment building took longer than expected, not in a hurry to return to those four cold walls as you knew the rough night awaited you. That is, crying and alcohol.

But if you had known what – or rather who – awaited you, you would’ve run until your lungs burned.

“Jay…”

You almost had a heart attack when you noticed the figure sitting on those steps, recognizing immediately the very and only man who managed to take your breath away and the ground off your feet with just a look.

You immediately saw how soakes wet his clothes were and how he wasn't even wearing a jacket over his long-sleeved shirt and your heart ached painfully.

How long was he there?

He shoot his gaze up from the ground when he heard your voice, fearing for a moment it was too good to be true and you weren't really there. He stood up quickly, standing in front of you.

“What are you doing here?” You asked with a shaky voice, struggling to hold the eye contact. Why did you want to cry so suddenly?

“I… I’m sorry for popping in here unannounced, I need to talk to you.”

Your stomach tightened in a vice, though you knew you had no other choice. You had to do it, you needed it too.

You nodded. “Let's go upstairs though.” You continued, feeling your heart break at thought he might catch something.

He nodded back and at the same time let out a sneeze before looking down in embarrassment. If it wasn’t for the fact you had broken up badly and this was the first time you interacted since that faithful day, you would’ve found it funny.

You closed your umbrella and entered your apartment building, aware Jay was behind you, and you both walked up to your home in complete silence.

Jay almost burst into tears when you opened the door and let him in, feeling a wave of nostalgia wash over him. He could smell your scent perfectly – well it was normal since it was your house – but he missed it so fucking much he thought he’d collapse on the floor.

He looked around, noticing everything was the same, but different at the same time. Two months had passed since he had set foot in that house but it seemed like an eternity since it had been the worst time of his life.

Silence reigned supreme as he looked at you taking off your jacket and hung it on the coat rack, after placing the wet umbrella in its stand.

You disappeared into your room for a moment and he stood there frozen, not knowing what to do.

He hated that feeling so fucking much, he hated not knowing how to act around you, what to say or what to do. You had always been his best friend, the person he felt most at peace with, you were the love of his life and yet at that moment he couldn't even look at you in the eyes without feeling like complete shit.

“I brought you some dry clothes, you can go change and put the wet ones in the dryer,” you said as soon as you walked out of your room, holding some folded clothes that Jay immediately recognized as his.

A little hope lit up inside him.

You still had his clothes, a black t-shirt and sweatpants. He had even forgotten you had them in first place but the relief and joy he felt from that small gesture almost made him burst into tears.

God I feel like a fucking emotional teenage girl.

“I thought you threw them away,” he replied, moving closer to you. You shook your head, but didn't look at him, too embarrassed to do it. If only he had known you had spent nights wearing those clothes and smelling his scent while crying yourself to sleep.

He took them and as he did it your hands touched.

You both tried to maintain a neutral facade but from the brief glance you exchanged you knew it affected both of you at the same way. It was as if an electric shock ran through your bodies and that small, almost imperceptible touch was enough to throw both of you into a whirlwind of indescribable emotions.

“Uhm… I-I… Well… I’ll just go,” he stammered before running to the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Y/n what are you doing to me,” he whispered, resting his forehead on the door as he caught his breath.

You let out a deep breath you didn't realize you were holding, placing a hand on your chest in an attempt to slow down your heart that was beating so hard it felt like it wanted to escape from your rib cage.

“I need a drink,” you said to yourself and went to the kitchen with the intention of drinking something strong.

You were still processing what was happening.

Jay was at your house.

Your ex-boyfriend and the love of your fucking life was at your house, in your bathroom, changing his wet clothes.

You tried to convince yourself it was reality and not just your dream as you poured some whiskey into a glass and downed it in one gulp like a shot.

You were so lost in your thoughts you didn't even realize Jay was back. You gave him a look, cursing yourself as you did since Jay in black was one of your weaknesses.

Lord please have mercy on my poor soul.

“How long have you been a whiskey drinker?”.

“Do you really want to know?” You responded with another question, looking up at him and taking another shot of alcohol, the burn along your throat now quite familiar.

You looked at each other for a few seconds and he shook his head slightly, knowing full well the answer to that question. He lowered his eyes to the floor, the guilt too strong.

“You want something?” You politely asked as you closed the bottle.

“No, thank you.” He wanted to talk to you as clearly as possible.

You nodded and placed the dirty glass in the sink.

Silence reigned supreme again and you walked past him before going into the living room and sitting on the couch. Your palms were sweating and you wondered why this had to be so damn hard.

Jay followed you like a puppy, but remained standing.

“You can sit Jay.”

He never thought about it but his name never sounded so wonderful until he heard you say it. Everything that came out of your lips was pure poetry to his ears, except when you insulted him, that was like getting stabbed by thousands knives.

He sat down on the couch, painfully far away from you.

“How are you?“ Was the first thing Jay asked and he mentally smacked himself on the forehead for his stupidity. He hadn't seen you for two months after you two had a horrible breakup and the smartest thing he could think of was ‘how are you?’.

Fucking dumbass.

You raised your head and your eyes met his, looking at him with an indecipherable expression. “You want the honest truth?”.

“Always.”

“Not very good Jay,” you gave a fake tight half smile “And now that you're here even less so.”

He sighed, obviously expecting this response, leaning back on the couch as he thought about what he could say.

“I'm sorry.” Was all he could spit out.

You imitated his gesture and leaned against the back of the sofa too, crossing your fingers over your belly while your eyes were fixed on the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing you had ever seen.

You both remained silent for a moment. You looking at the ceiling and him looking at you.

With his eyes he traced the outline of your profile in meticulous detail, thinking about how much he missed being able to be close to you and look at you. He analyzed every inch of skin of your face, taking pictures with his gaze with the hope of imprinting them all in his memory in case he was no longer able to look at you like that.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” you asked, not looking at him.

He had to bite his tongue to keep from telling you how beautiful you were, fearing he’d get nothing more than a slap in the face, probably deserved too.

“So many things but I don’t know where to begin, I… I had a speech but I can’t even remember my own name now.”

You turned your head towards him and you looked at each other for a while in a way Jay couldn’t decipher, making him wish he could read your mind.

Your eyes never left each other as silence filled the room, the air was so tense it could be cut with a knife.

“How did we end up like this Jay?” It was you who broke the silence after a while, your voice so low you thought he hadn't even heard you.

“It was my fault,” he replied without hesitation “I… You were right Y/n, I was a shitty boyfriend,” he continued referring to what you had told him that fateful morning.

“No, it was my…”

“No bab- Y/n…” he tried to correct himself but it was too late because your heart had already skipped a beat. “I won't let you think it was your fault. I neglected you, I took you for granted, I was arrogant enough to think that once we got together we could just be happy without any effort. But I was wrong, I didn't realize I had hurt you so much and believe me... Please believe me, I’ll spend the rest of my days beating myself for this.”

“I hurt you too…” you whispered, feeling your eyes full of tears and afraid you’d start crying at any moment.

His chest tightened as he saw your sad expression and God only knew how much he wanted to hug you, holding you so tightly to his chest until he’d make all your pain go away.

He shook his head. “You were just angry, now I know, I understand it. I know your constant arguing with me was your way of telling me I wasn't doing enough for you and I'm sorry for putting you through all of this… I… I'm sorry for making you doubt me and I’ll never forgive myself for that Y/n because I lost the best thing that ever happened to me in life.”

Hearing those words made those little defenses you had managed to built collapse. You got up suddenly as tears ran down your cheeks, wiping them away in the process. You stood by the window, turning your back to him so he wouldn't see you.

He stood up right after you and carefully approached you. He moved his hands with the intention of resting them on your shoulders to comfort you but he stopped, not wanting to overstep your boundaries and make the situation even worse.

“Look at me Y/n please, I need to look into your eyes,” he whispered in a pleading tone. You quickly wiped your tears with your palms and turned to him, but kept your gaze lowered. “Hey…” He called your attention and you finally looked up at him. Your eyes were incredibly shiny from the tears but they had never been more beautiful than they were in that moment and finally being able to look at them so closely was like being punched in the stomach.

“I don't blame you, I don't blame you for a single thing you did or said, I hope you know that. I'm angry at myself for not giving you what you needed and for not realizing in time you were slipping through my fingers,” he confessed, “I haven't been fair to you, I've been superficial and selfish and… I stupidly thought our love would be enough for everything to go easy, but I was so wrong, because love is not just this, love is also understanding, patience, compromise and I failed giving you this...” he talked so softly it made your heart hurt.

Tears continued to leak from your eyes down your cheeks as you listened to the words you had wanted to hear for so long. This was all you ever wanted.

“I hate seeing you like this and I hate myself more for being the cause of it,” he continued in a whisper as the lump in his throat prevented him from saying anything else. “Can I?”.

You nodded without even knowing what he was referring to and your subconscious cursed you for reacting so quickly to whatever he said.

He lifted his hands and cupped them gently on your face, wiping away every tear with his thumbs with so gentle movements you thought you were dreaming of his touch.

You closed your eyes at that touch while at the same time letting out a sigh of relief. It didn't matter how long you denied it to yourself, you missed that man like oxygen, you were nothing without him.

“I hope you'll forgive me one day even though I know I don't deserve it…” his voice broke at the last words and with a blow to your heart you realized that he too was crying.

“Jay don't-…” you managed to mutter with a shaky voice.

“No, wait, please, let me talk,” he interrupted you, sniffling and never leaving your gaze “I need to tell you these things, I need you to know how much I care about you and how much I love you. I…” he stopped again, unable to continue moving forward and lowered his gaze, not being able to look at you anymore.

“Can I?” You whispered back and his eyes met yours again, chuckling through his tears before nodding. That time you were the one wiping away his tears with your fingers, gently stroking his skin with your thumbs, enjoying that sensation you missed so badly.

“Fuck baby, I don't deserve you.” He murmured hoarsely. “But I'm too selfish to let you go.”

His thumbs continued to caress your cheeks as you slid your arms to your sides.

“Let me decide that.”

“Before you do I want you to know I’ve never for a second stopped thinking about you. These past months have been pure hell, a fucking nightmare and I deserve it, for the way I treated you but I'm so pissed at myself because you didn't deserve it at all,” He croaked “I disrespected you by not respecting your wishes, and not giving your feelings the importance they deserved but I swear to you Y/n, I swear to you because you’re the most important person in my fucking life,” he looked intensely into your eyes, so much as if he somehow hoped you could read his soul. “Nothing has ever happened with Hailey or any other woman and I am so sorry I made you doubt it with the way I acted.”

“You’re the only woman of my life, you’re the woman I want to build my future with, you’re the woman I want to marry, you’re the woman I want to be the mother of my children, you’re the woman with whom I want to grow old and with whom I want to die,” he spat out as more lonely tears marked his cheeks, tears you immediately took and wiped away without hesitation. He softly smiled, making your heart race and your breath quicken, as he leaned against your touch.

“I can't exist without you, I can't function if you're not here baby and I wish I could let you into my head and heart… Fuck… You wouldn't doubt for even a second every fucking cell of my body don't have your name written on them I swear. You own me, in a way you’ll never imagine.”

You couldn't answer the question of how you were still standing as with each passing second you felt your knees buckle more and more. You were a crying mess, you couldn’t even look at him properly because of your blurred vision.

“I've been a selfish son of a bitch but I swear to you, and please believe me, there hasn't been a time since I first saw you that night at Molly's years ago that you haven't been in my mind. You came into my life like a hurricane Y/n and from the first time you smiled at me I never doubted for a second I finally met the love of my life, the greatest I could ever ask for.”

His fingers caressed your hair while you feared you’d have a heart attack at any moment.

“I know these will probably be empty words but if only you’d give me a chance my little angel, I promise I’ll do everything I can to make you happy and give you everything you deserve,” he whispered “I'm not giving up on us, even if now...

The ringing of his cell phone interrupted him and he let out a “Fucking hell” before taking it from his trouser pocket.

Contrary to what you expected, he rejected the call without no hesitation or even looking who it was and threw the phone on the sofa, not caring it bounced and then fell on the floor.

“I'm sorry…” he looked at you again.

“Why didn't you answer?”.

“Because I don't care about anyone else beside you right now.”

“But what if it was important?”.

“Nothing is more important than you Y/n, I hope I can convince you of that one day.”

“But…”

“Nothing but baby,” he placed his hands on your face again, freezing when he realized what he had just said “S-sorry I…” He didn’t realize it but he had already said it few other times.

You tried to hold back a smile and shook your head, letting him know it didn’t bother you. In fact, the way that pet name made you feel was something indescribable.

“I don’t want you to think I was thinking about her but Hailey’s not my partner anymore.”

He dropped this news like a bomb without even finished what he was saying earlier, leaving you in shock, not expecting something like this at all. “What? Why?”.

“Because it's something that bothers you.”

“Jay it didn't bother me she was your partner but…”

“I know,” he interrupted you, “It bothers you the way I behaved with her even though it meant absolutely nothing to me, the fact I was with you and when she called me I answered her, that I gave her a ride her, and all the things that happened. I know, I get it now, and this was fucked up on my part and I only now understand how you felt about it and I'm so sorry...”

“I'm glad you understand now but you still didn't even have to change partners Jay.”

“Y/n, I know it. I know it wasn't even necessary not to speak to her anymore except for something related to work but this is what I wanted and want to do. It might be dramatic but for me it's the least I can do for you,” he spoke in a firm and decisive tone “I had to set some boundaries, show you respect and understand how much all of this hurt you. I had to understand it was something that deeply troubled you instead of fueling your fears and making you feel like you were a burden.”

You looked at him with shock.

Who the hell was this man?

“You come first angel, everything else is worth less than a zero for me. I now get that if something hurts you than I have to figh tooth and nail to prove to you that whatever goes through this little head will never make me stop loving you, caring about you or needing you more than the air I breathe, so if you tell me my partnership with Hailey is bothering you, I'll get rid of it.”

“But it's not fair you… You don’t have to give up your friendship with her for me. I don't want you to have to deprive yourself of all this Jay, I never asked for this...”

“…You just wanted to be reassured,” he continued the sentence for you and you nodded feebly. “But listen to me. I know you didn't ask me, no one did, I decided to do it and there won't be anything that will make me change my mind. Y/n I want to do everything I can to make you trust me again, I don't care what it entails, even if it means burning up the whole world to the ground I will do it, without hesitation. I want you to understand that nothing’s more important to me than you, that you come above anyone else. Please, I don't want and I can't be without you anymore, I can't baby...”

Jay stopped talking for a second but continued noticing your silence. “And if this makes you feel better, I don’t want to keep a friendship with someone who acted the way she did. A friend doesn't try to intrude on your relationship, I was just too trusting and stupid to understand it and I'm sorry you had to pay for it.”

You pulled away from him for a moment, suddenly feeling suffocated. You sat on the couch again, resting your elbows on your knees and your face covered by your hands as you considered everything Jay had said so far.

Your mind was in a whirlwind of emotions and you couldn't figure out which of the thousand thoughts to listen to first.

Your rational part would’ve told him it was too late, that it was easy to fix your mistakes when the damage had been done.

But your non-rational part, the bigger one, would’ve thrown your arms around him and hugged him until he lost his breath.

You appreciated everything he had told you, so relieved he had finally understood what your real problem was with everything that had happened.

You loved him so much, so terribly much and the relief you had at hearing those words lifted a weight off your shoulders. But you still were so confused and didn't know what to do.

You didn't want to make hasty decisions following only your heart and you equally didn't want to make others that you might regret.

You felt the sofa sink next to you, a sign Jay had sat down.

“I… I know my job is to show you how much you mean to me and you might think that by rooting out Hailey's problem I've just gone with the easy solution but I hope you know that's not the case. I would choose you in a room with a billion people, I would still looking for you. It's just been my way of making you understand that neither Hailey nor any other woman is as indispensable in my life as you are, none of them are worth losing you.” He spoke softly. “I’ll never get tired of repeating you’re the only one who exists for me, I have eyes only for you and it will be like this until my last breath. All I want is to see you happy baby, I want to make you happy. The problem wasn't just my friendship with Hailey, I know that, I didn’t pay enough attention to you and I want to make up for every single mistake I made... And…”

You started crying again, just when you thought you had managed to control your emotions and he noticed.

“And I love you so damn much,” he whispered these last words like some sort of spell.

After what seemed like an infinite amount of time to him, you finally looked up at him. He gently wiped away your tears for the umpteenth time, trying not to focus on how painful it was to see you like that.

“To say these two months have been hell is an understatement,” you sobbed, but still tried to speak, “I've been so angry at you Jay.”

“I know and you have every right to.”

“Every single day I hoped you’d knock on my door and say these exact words to me. Why didn't you do it? God Jay, I would’ve gotten back with you before I even let you talk. Why didn't you fight for us?”.

His heart broke into a thousand little pieces. “Because I'm a stupid piece of shit. I know you won't believe me but I was scared as fuck. I've come here so many times, actually, but I've never had the courage to knock on the door.”

“Really?”.

He nodded mentally smacking himself for his stupidly as he could’ve avoided to both of you months of suffering. “Yes, I was scared to face you. I was afraid you’d tell me it was forever over and you didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, I honestly wouldn't have been able to survive something like that. As twisted or dumb as it sounds, I had the hope one way or another fate would bring us together again and I was afraid that if you told me no then this hope would die.”

“What made you come here today?”.

“Seeing you this morning reminded me of everything I had lost. In reality, Adam also helped me knock some sense in me but, well... I realized I don't want to cry anymore and that I want to do everything to get you back.”

You looked at him for a few moments in silence, studying his words and his wonderful features.

“I’ll fight for us Y/n, I can't be without you anymore, I feel like I'm going crazy.”

“I don't want you to think it's all your fault though, it's not.”

“Indeed it is…”

“No. It was also my fault, I shouldn't have given up so quickly, I should’ve trusted you a little bit more and explained myself better, be more patient and give you the time to understand my feelings and demanded to fix them immediately, without thinking you too had to adapt your own thoughts to mine. I was selfish too Jay.”

Jay looked at you with so much intensity and so fervently it suddenly made you feel small and naked under his eyes. He looked at you as if he wanted to get under your skin, he looked at you like a painter looks at his own work of art, like a sculptor looked at his own creation. He looked at you with so much love and sweetness this alone would’ve been enough to make you fall into a thousand pieces.

God, how much you missed the way he looked at you. As if you were the only one in the world, as if you were the most beautiful of the seven wonders of the world, as if you were everything his eyes wanted to see. This was what you missed, what you wanted: feeling like you were the only one for him.

“Don't slap me but I want to kiss you so fucking bad right now,” he whispered, fearing your reaction but at the same time unable to hold his tongue.

You let out a small chuckle through your tears as you dried them and straightened your back. You would’ve been lying if you said you didn't want him to jump on you.

“I'd like to see you try.”

“Oh don't tempt me sweetheart. I could make you squirm under me in less than five minutes if I wanted.”

Please just say yes baby.

You let out a louder laugh this time and threw one of the sofa cushions at him, especially because he was completely right and it wasn't something you wanted to find out at that moment.

He let out a mock cry of pain even though inside he was exploding with joy. He didn't know if it was more the fact you had thrown the pillow at him and actually jokes with him or because he finally heard you laugh. He was almost tempted to tickle you even though you hated it just so he could make you laugh and record the sound and set the recording as the ringtone on his cell phone.

Did he already say he loved you so fucking much he couldn't breathe?

“I'm scared Jay.” You whispered as the air became serious again. He moved closer to you and took your hand, drawing imaginary circles on its back with his thumb, a gesture he used to do to comfort you.

“I know, but I'll make it worth it. I never want to spend a day without you again, I’ll give you the world. I promise,” he whispered as his eyes caressed your face in a little dance, observing your features and every peculiarity of your beautiful skin. “I can't even tell you in words how much I love you Y/n. Just… Just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you. You want me to get on the roof and jump? I'll do it. Do you want me to blow up some buildings? Give me the address. I’m begging you…”

You chuckled again and he felt victorious for managing to make you smile again. He left out the part where he would actually do anything he just said.

“I love you to death Jay, more than you could ever imagine…” you murmured “And I'm so scared because if... If it doesn't work I won't be able to go through this again,” you paused for a second. “I don't have the strength. I never want to experience anything like that again, I would rather shoot myself.”

“No, no, no, no, this will never happen. There will never be an 'if it doesn't work' again. I'm here to stay and I want to make you the happiest you've ever been, please Y/n, I can't be without you anymore.”

He placed his free hand on your cheek and before your brain could even process it, your body had already responded and you found yourself leaning against his touch.

You looked at each other for few moments, still not believe all of this was real.

“I want us to take it slow. We went too fast the first rime we got together thinking we knew each other well because we were friends before. I want to know the real you, and I want you to really know me.”

“Yes, yes, yes, fuck yes, whatever you want baby,” he replied so quickly he embarrassed himself while he felt his heart beating so fast it was most likely going to explode.

“Or maybe it's better that we just be friends again. It seemed to work just fine,” you decided to tease him and the look of pure horror and shock that crossed his face was priceless. You so badly wished you could take a photo of him in that moment.

“I know you're taking the piss out of me right now, but you and I could never be friends again, never, ever, ever, again.”

“Why?”.

“You’re seriously asking me why? Have you heard any of the words I just said?” He raised an eyebrow and you shrugged, trying not to laugh. “Because there hasn’t been a single day where you were just a friend to me. I have loved you much longer than you’ll ever know baby, so no. Absolutely no friends.”

You bit your cheek to try and suppress a smile but it was in vain, Jay realized it before you could even try to hide it from him and he had to suppress the urge to kiss you right now and there.

“That's not what you should say when you're taking things slowly, you know?”.

He sighed. “You're going to torture me aren't you?”.

You nodded and his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree as they looked at you and he swore if you looked closely you could see his pupils had turned into a heart shape.

“Baby, I'd let you tie me naked to a pole and in the middle of a storm if that's what you wanted, don't even play with me right now.”

You laughed, your heart now lighter.

You didn't know if you were doing the right thing, if you had reacted hastily and without thinking but at that moment you didn't care. After all, that’s how love was: it was irrational, unconditional, vulnerable, overwhelming, it was messy. You couldn't just follow a plan or predict what to do.

You were aware you were taking an immense risk, that you were risking hurting yourself again in a deep and irreparable way but you wanted to have a little more faith in him. You had always wanted that intense love worthy of fairy tales and you knew he was the only one who’d be able to give it to you even if it meant facing the unknown and the possibility of suffering again.

And the more you looked at Jay, the more you were convinced this was a risk you were willing to take.

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[takemetothemoon-fics]

Perfectly safe

Title: Perfectly safe

Pairing: Killian Jones x reader

Word count: 863

Warnings: alcohol

Tags: Fluff, a loooot of flirting

Synopsis: Reader get's really drunk, and needs Hook to take care of her.

A/N: I am quite braindead so forgive me if I make some mistakes or anything in that direction.... Once again, enjoy reading :) btw, figured out the "keep reading" thing, so now it's not that long hihi

MASTERLIST

In the end, you are grateful in a way. If you wouldn't have gotten that shitfaced, you would never have met him

You are sitting in a tavern. It's late. You felt lonely, and since you didn't have a person to solve this problem with, you decided to use your only friend available. Alcohol.

He's sitting in a corner of a bar, with his crew. He's had a few ales, but is acceptably sober. He notices a person with y/h/c hair sitting at the bar, all by themself. He walks over to you, and from this angle, he can tell you've had one too many.

"Hello darling." He says, in a flirtatious way, trying to asses your state.

"Hello sir." your words are slurred. You look to the man who appeared next to you, not having a clue who he is.

"Are you alright, my lady?" He asks, his brow slightly raised, his voice deep and gentle. he can tell by the way you're staring at him, and your speech, that you've had too much to drink, but he's a gentleman, and you've drawn his attention with your beauty. He takes the opportunity to lean in closer to see the color of your eyes.

"I'm fiiiine"

"You are anything but, darling, let me escort you home"

"I do not," you hiccup, "need escorting home." you switch up the way you sit, showing him that you are fine, but the act does not last long.

"My, my, you're a feisty one, aren't you?" he says, letting out a chuckle. He takes a moment to observe you, a curious look on his face. You are quite the sight, that's for sure. He leans in a bit close to you, looking deep into your eyes. "The only thing you need to do, is trust me." he has a devilish smile on his face, and then he tries to take your hand.

You pull your hand back. "I do not need anything from you."

"Are you quite sure, my fair lady?" He says, his voice sweet, yet with a small edge of authority. "My offer is still open, if it is of your desire", He says in a seductive tone - one that would have a lesser person weak in the knees, so to speak, but you are much braver than the usual ladies he pursues.

"Leaaaveee" You push your hand out, in an attempt to push him away. You miss completely causing you to fall.

"Hm," He grunts as he catches you before you hit the ground. "That was most unladylike", He says teasingly, but with an air of seriousness. He lifts you up and holds you steady under the arms, letting you rest against his chest and begins moving towards the exit, assuming that his gentlemanly gesture had changed your mind. "We would not want to make a scene in this fine establishment, would we, my lady?"

You mumble something, but he can't make much out of it.

He notice how your breath is heavy, and the blush on your cheeks is rather intense. He gets curious. With a swift move, he puts you back on the stool you were sitting on. "May I ask what a beautiful lady like yourself is doing in a place like this, and all alone, at that?" He asks in a gentle voice, but his gaze is intense, and the slight edge in it makes it seem like he wants to know the genuine truth. It is almost as if he's a detective who has to figure someone out.

"That is-" Suddenly, you become aware of your surroundings. you notice people glancing at you and smile or snicker once they notice your current state. "I need to get out of here."

"As you wish, my lady", His voice is deep and smooth. "I'll take you away from this place. But, please, tell me, what's your name, lovely one?" he asks, taking an opportunity to move closer to you, as he wants to get his hands on your waist. You can feel the heat of his body as he stands this close, and it would be very hard for a woman not to be intrigued by such proximity.

"Y/N." you say shortly, trying to put an end to the conversation.

"y/n. A pretty name for a pretty damsel. Killian. Killian Jones." He says, as he lays his hand on his chest. "Is there somewhere you'd like to go that is more quiet?"

"I want to go home. Ssso tired."

"Then we shall", He says in a gentle voice, with a small smile. "I'll escort you home, my dear." He starts taking you to the door, and then, with some effort, he hails a carriage. He opens the door for you so that you can get in first.

"Please don't do anything bad to me. I am in no state to defend myself" you say, as you hiccup for the 1000th time.

"You will be perfectly safe", he says, a genuine, reassuring smile coming on his face as he enters the carriage with you. "I will be your escort and your protector through the night, and the nights to come…"

#killian jones x reader #reader #once upon a time #fluff #killian jones #killian jones fanfiction #killian jones fanfic #fanfic #ouat #ff #hook #captian hook #captain hook x reader #drama #romance #imagine #killian #jones

[bellgraves]

I'm sorry for this, I'm still sick and I was all day in bed. Sorry for grammar mistakes, I wrote this on my phone in note app 😓🤦🏻‍♀️

Warning: mild mention of sex.

You're a Shadow and Graves wife. Also part 2 of my none name fic, because I forgot to name my own fic. Uhhh..😣🤧 Anyway there you go

Phillip Graves / Reader

Graves didn't like it what was going on. He was walking back and forth in his mansion. He didn't like that you had misterious phone calls and you disappeared in other rooms when you were talking. You become cold towards him. Didn't want to have sex with him since 2 weeks. That pissed him off the most. When you were home you loved to make love to each other. Now you were kinda.... avoiding him? His first thought was that you're working for someone else. Or you are doing some illegal things. The last thought it was that you're cheating on him. But that's impossible. You're too loyal for this. But are you? You never flirt with other soldiers and it doesn't matter if that was Shadows, Task Force or other team. You were professional. Always friendly, respectful but with boundaries. So what you're really up to? Graves has to know. Otherwise he will explode and just throw you into the bed and fuck you into oblivion until you spill all your secrets. He went upstairs looking for you.

Honey did you finish your shower? He entered the bathroom without knocking. You were not there. Graves looked in every room. You were not home. What the hell? Just 15 minutes ago you told him that you're going to take shower after gym. So where are you??

It was late at night. Graves was sitting in the living room with small light, waiting for you like a police detective. You finally get back home. You looked amazing. Wearing short, black dress with high heels. But at the same time you were little tipsy.

Oh baby, you're not sleeping? You asked with sweet smile.

Where have you been? You didn't told me you're going out. Graves got up and took few quick steps. He stood infront of you and examined you very carefuly.

Phillip... we need to talk. Please. You took his hand and pull him into the couch. You sit on his lap.

What is it? Why I have to worry about you? Graves had offended tone.

You took a deep breath.

Baby... Before you get upset listen to me.

Go on. Phillip situated you on his lap comfortable.

I went to a bar with a friend. She is a girl that I met during my last mission. We get along and I just wanted to go out. I just.... you stopped for a moment. You caressed with fingers Graves chest.

Phillip... Last mission.. and the one before.. It was too much for me. Too much violence, too much blood and death.

Graves slowly was caressing your back and listened to you carefuly.

I know that you're one of the best soldiers and commanders in the world. You thrive in war. You're in your element when you can have a gun fight and kick some asses. You smile to him softly.

But... it became too much for me. It's overwhelming. Last year was only war and missions for me. For us. I just wanted to go out and feel like a normal person. To forgot about evilness of this world. Just to drink and dance for fun. To feel that I'm a human... not a war machine. I'm sorry baby if I neglected you. You caress his cheek with the scar.

I need some time off the missions. I want to do more of my wife duties. Cook for you, take care of you. Making this house warmer with love.

Graves took your hand and kissed it.

Sweetie, you should've told me about this. You know you can tell me everything. I got you. You're my wife and if you feel bad or uncomfortable you need to tell me this. You know I would burn the world for you, just to make you happy and safe.

Phillip... you whined and kissed his lips.

He kissed you back, enjoying your closeness. He felt relieved that nothing bad is actually happening.

You broke the kiss.

Baby.. I need to tell you something more but please don't be mad.. You kissed his cheek

Honey, you know I can't be mad at you when you look so sexy. Phillip kissed your chin and went down to your neck.

Baby.. I lost my earring tonight. You showed him your ear.

You know.. this was from the sapphire set that you bought me from Italy...I'm so sorry.

You almost cried. You were still little drunk and felt overwhelmed.

I can buy you thousands of these sets. A thousands sapphire, diamond or emerald earrings you want. Graves laughs and kissed your lips.

I love you so much... You're truly the best husband I could've dream of... You kissed him again. But please tell me that you forgive me. I need to hear that.

Okay, okay. I forgive you. He laughs again.

Now... He stands up. You strangled his waist with your legs. He took you up.

I want to fuck my beautiful, sexy wife. Alright?

Graves took you to your shared bedroom and put you on the bed. He quickly undressed you and himself and started to kiss you like there is no tomorrow.

*********************************************

Intense making love and alcohol from the party got you fall asleep quickly in Graves arms. But he wasn't asleep. He was holding you in his bare chest and caress your head. After he made sure that you're asleep, he slowly released himself from your embrace. He got up from bed and as sly fox he is, he took your phone from your purse and went to bathroom. He checked your messages and phone calls. He noticed one number that you particulary were calling few times recently. Also you called this number before you left the house.

Graves had a plan. He called this number from your phone. He was waiting few signals before there was answer in the other side.

Hello? It was a woman's voice. Graves felt relieved.

Good evening. I'm your friend's husband. My name is Phillip Graves.

Good evening Mr Graves. Something happened?

Yes..listen.. my wife is busy, she is... taking a bath. And she asked me to call you and ask if you have seen her earring? She lost it in the party. It was family heirloom and she is sad that she lost it. Graves come up with a lie.

Oh I'm sorry... I haven't seen it. But if I will find it, I will defently give it to her.

Yea, thanks a lot, and sorry for late call. Have a good night. Graves ended the call.

He was so happy and relieved. You didn't cheat on him. You really made friend with a girl. And you had some stress relieving party. Nothing bad.

Graves came back to bed and he hugged you tight from behind. He kissed your neck.

I love you so much. He whispered before he fell asleep too.

**********************************************

The woman looked at phone when Graves ended the call. She was sitting at the bar. She gave back the phone to a man with mohawk who was sitting next to her.

Thanks cousin. You're really the best. Said Soap and and took the phone.

How did you know that is her husband calling and not her? She asked.

We have agreement to not call each other after midnight. Soap said with small smile.

Johnny... that girl is not good for you. She will bring you only troubles. Also she is married to very dangerious man. Soap's cousin looked really worried.

Dangerious you say... Soap put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a blue sapphire earring. He turned it over in his fingers several times. He knew exact moment when you lost it. It was in the hotel room, few hours ago, when Soap had you pinned into the wall and pumped his member into you. You were holding into his arms and threw your head back. That's when your earring fell off. Soap took it from the carpet later and hide it into his pocket.

Johnny.. you know I will always support you. But this is bad idea. You had your fun. Leave this girl alone and find yourself someone better. Soap's cousin took a sip from her drink.

No. She is perfect to me. Soap still felt your sweet arousal in his mouth. He ran his tounge across the roof of his mouth. He chuckled and took a sip of his beer.

Perfect for me.

@candy616

@xxavengingangelxx

I did it for you because I love your blogs and you make me love cod even more ❤❤

#call of duty #phillip graves #commander graves #phillip graves cod #phillip graves x reader #phillip graves x you #johnny mctavish x reader #soap mactavish x reader #johnny mctavish x you #soap mactavish x you #soap mactavish #johnny mctavish #johnny soap mactavish

[themultifandomgal]

A mini headcannon please for Severide and Caaey dating a British girl?

Kelly/Matt- Polyamorous Relationship Headcannon

YN was the newest detective at PD, Jay's newest partner since he and Hailey started dating. YN moved from the UK to New York originally, but once Voight got word that New York had one of the best detectives he knew he needed her on his team. So he put a transfer offer in and she agreed.

After a tuff case Jay invited YN to join him and the others to go to the bar Mollys or pub as YN would call it. That's where she met Kelly Severide trying to chat up a woman while nursing a beer. When the woman walks away from Kelly that's when YN and Kelly start talking.

It started off as just friendly, YN met everyone at the firehouse and quickly became friends with everybody,but the one probably that YN had was she had gained feelings for not only Kelly but Matt Casey as well. Little did she know at the time both of them also gained feelings for her.

It took a while for them to all reveal their feelings, but when they did YN never felt more confused. She didn't know what to do at first thinking she had to choose, but Matt and Kelly reassured her that she didn't need to choose between either of them, they just wanted to be with her.

It was new for all of them, being in a 3 way relationship so while they were getting used to this they kept their romance a secret. That is until YN let it slip to Jay that she was stressed about what people would think. Jay at first was shocked, but supported his partner and friend.

6 months into their relationship they decided to tell their friends which they all were worried about, but they really didn't need to be. Their friends were supportive of them, although it may get some used to for everyone but YN, Matt and Kelly weren’t treated any differently.

They’re often seen at Mollys having a couple beers, YN sat in the middle of Matt and Kelly. Kelly’s arm is usually round her shoulder while Matts hand is often on her thigh. This is one of the ways that Matt and Kelly let everyone know that she’s taken.

Matt and Kelly are both very protective of YN, but she can be just as protective. Like when a woman was hitting on Kelly at Mollys, YN walked over and sat on Kelly’s lap giving the woman a overly sweet smile. Or when YN had been called on to a job helping the fire department during an active shooting in a burning building. YN would keep Matt behind her at all times with her gun raised.

After they decided it was the right time to move I together they fell into a pattern and certain roles. Kelly is often the one the cook for the three of them while Matt often washes up after dinner and YN will clean down the surfaces. When YN is off she will usually strip the bed and do all of the washing, while when Kelly and Matt are off they will clean the house. This doesn’t mean that every now and then they will creep on to each other’s roles or just help one another.

Being in a relationship with someone who’s British Kelly and Matt had to get used to her sayings. Like the time YN was writing something down in pencil and she makes a mistake. She asks Kelly “can you pass me a rubber”. Of course Kelly was super confused to why YN wanted a condom, but went and found her one anyway. When he gave her the condom YN frowns looking at him “why have you given me a condom? We’re not having sex right now”. “But you asked for a rubber?” he replied also frowning. “Yeah to rub out what I wrote”. “Ohhh an eraser” he would come to the realisation.

Or when YN and Matt has gone shopping and YN asked Matt to pick up an aubergine “a what now?” Matt would ask confused. “Oh god is this another thing with a different name”. “Must be. What’s it look like?”. “It’s the errm, the dick emoji” YN would whisper. “Ahhh eggplant”.

A few years into their relationship they decided to have a baby. Well the plan was shed have a baby with Kelly first then in a years time she would have a baby with Matt. That way they would both have a biological baby, not that they were overly bothered, but since they could they thought why not.

When YN fell pregnant she had certain cravings that neither Matt or Kelly could find since they were specifically British snacks. Crumpets and quavers. Kelly learnt how to make crumpets from scratch while Matt would phone YNs family to ask them to send quavers to them.

YN, Matt and Kelly work well together. It may have not been what any of them thought their lives would look like, but you can’t help who you fall for.

Crumpets are a type of bread with holes that a toasted and often served with butter. I actually like them with no butter and soft cheese.

Quavers are a type of crisp/chip that are cheese flavoured. They are my absolute favourite crisp.

#one chicago #one chicago imagine #chicago fire imagine #chicago fire #kelly severide x reader #kelly severide x yn #kelly severide #kelly severide x oc #kelly severide imagine #matt casey x reader #matt casey #matt casey x oc #matt casey imagine #matt x Kelly x reader #casey x Severide x reader

[bobateastay]

keep looking - p.sh

villain!park seonghwa x gender neutral!reader

cw - journalist!reader, police detective!choi san, roommates sanhwa, slow-ish burn, murder/crime, angst, blood, implied cannibalism, uneven power dynamics(?), implied character death, probably isn't realistic don't @ me about it - nothing too explicit but overall dark-ish themes

word count: 6.6k

a/n: this work is a part of @sanjoongie's year of the villain collab! please check out the other writers' stories as well. the original version of this was a little different and this isn't all that explicit :') but thank you for letting me participate anyway and giving me the opportunity to try something new, i enjoyed working on this a lot ♡

Open-mouthed, bloody-lipped. Breathless, beautiful. Exquisite, intoxicating. Hungry. Hungry, hungry, hungry. Always so, so hungry. 

No matter what or who he swallowed down, Seonghwa was always impossibly hungry. He was less of a man and more of a bottomless pit. Less of a bottomless pit and more of a black hole. Pulling and pulling, swallowing and swallowing. It was embarrassing how easily you let him pull you in. 

San hadn’t told you about Seonghwa when he first moved in with him. You weren’t sure why he didn’t say anything to you and neither was San apparently, because he never explained the fact to you even though you were clearly stung by your childhood friend keeping secrets from you. 

You’d only met Seonghwa by mistake, knocking on their apartment door to talk to San one evening when you’d lost your spare keys only to be greeted by an expensive-looking man with glossy lips and peachy eyeshadow dusted over his eyelids. You couldn’t put your finger on why, but you’d felt suddenly inadequate in his presence, his smile teasing while his voice was sweet. When you’d frowned over San not having told you about a new roommate moving in, he’d clicked his tongue at you like a mother hen and stepped out of the doorway.

“Stop pouting and come inside,” he’d said.

If anybody else had spoken to you that way you would have cursed at them, but something about Seonghwa’s demeanour was so commanding that you obeyed without hesitation. His smile had turned from teasing to something you couldn’t name, and you felt as though you were on the edge of your seat the whole time you were around him. 

When you confronted San about him a few days later, the other had only sighed and rubbed a hand over his tired eyes.

“I’ve had a lot going on,” he’d told you over cheap, burnt coffee one day during your lunch breaks. “New case at work. It’s a miracle your lot haven’t caught on yet.”

Your lot. Journalists. You’d never understand San’s disdain for your profession. You did your best to convey the truth, the same way most of your colleagues did. If an article or two came out exposing law enforcement’s mistakes it was because they were real and had affected the public, not because you had a secret vendetta against them. Not that San seemed to understand this.

“He seems nice,” you said. The words almost sounded like a question. He had been nice after all, even if there was something about him that made your insides squeeze. 

“He is,” San mumbled. “I put an ad in the newspaper” – You bit back the urge to tease him for putting an ad in the newspaper in this day and age. – “and he was the only person who answered. I thought it was the best way to find someone more sensible.”

“Makes sense,” you hummed. San smiled weakly at you. You wondered briefly what exactly his latest case was. You’d never seen him so worn down by his work, especially not when the case was so fresh. 

“I’ll get back to work then. But come over one of these days, alright?” he said, standing up from his spot at the coffeeshop table. The second you stood up he wrapped you in a warm, tight hug. You tucked your face into his shoulder and he giggled, kissing the side of your head. “I’ll tell Seonghwa you said hi.”

“Okay. Take it easy, Sannie,” you hummed, before letting go of him and watching him leave to go back to work. He looked different when he was out of your reach, fitting into the grey of the city with a sad ease. You sat back down and opened your laptop to get back to your own work, pushing thoughts of Seonghwa’s enchanting smile and San’s tired eyes to the back of your mind. 

You and San’s professions had rarely caused any problems between the two of you. Of course, rarely didn’t mean never. The two of you had already been through occasional spats throughout your friendship - growing up together will do that to you - but the added tension from your lines of work was something newer and more precarious. By the time you were both a few years into your established careers it became clear that you were starting to tread on thin ice.

It had never crossed your mind before that journalists and police detectives could be so at odds with each other, but as time passed it seemed to become more and more obvious why that was the case. Between the corruption and things swept under the rug on San’s side and the rushed distribution of flawed information on yours, it was hard to keep work talk civil. Still, most of the time your aversions were kept quiet and there were even times in which your professions overlapped in a way that allowed you to help each other. This new case, however, allowed for the exact opposite to happen.

“You wrote this?”

San’s voice was deep. Harsh. You hadn’t even heard him walking up to you, still standing outside your usual meeting spot when San pushed the day’s newspaper into your face, his eyes narrowed and jaw clenched. You were met with your own headline when you looked at the paper and took a deep breath to steel yourself. You should’ve known he would bring it up.

“Police’s refusal to inform the public costs three lives?” he hissed, shoving the paper into your chest and jabbing a finger against it. 

“It’s not about you, San,” you said, even though it was very much about him. He was one of the main detectives on the case after all. 

“It’s about all of us!”

“Well it’s not personal!” you insisted, unable to stop yourself from getting defensive. “Is it not true, anyway? That you withheld information from the public while there were three bodies going cold?”

San paled in front of you even as he gritted his teeth. It was true, no matter his feelings on the article. It hadn’t taken much digging to find out about the supposed murders that the police had tried to keep quiet for nearly a week now. People whose bodies had been peeled open, explored like caverns, whose organs had gone missing and whose limbs had been maimed. Three horrifying murders, all supposedly connected, and not a word from police. You wouldn’t have been surprised if their silence had allowed for more of them to take place. But San wouldn’t give you the satisfaction of admitting it. Not when he’d obviously been working so hard on the case.

“Don’t recite the lines of your bullshit article to me,” he muttered, and while you knew that he didn’t really mean it, that he had never thought your work was bullshit even at the worst of times, you felt your hands shake as you shoved the newspaper back at him.

“As though your department’s statement was any better,” you shot back. San stepped forward, and though the two of you were only centimetres apart you had never felt so far away from him. His hand closed around your wrist, his grip loose but still forceful, and in that second the space between the two of you grew impossibly larger. He opened his mouth to speak but was immediately cut short. 

“I wouldn’t have thought it appropriate to touch a close friend like that.”

San’s eyes widened the same way yours did and you turned simultaneously to find that it wasn’t a stranger interfering with your argument. It was Seonghwa who was standing there on the pavement, a smile on his glossy lips and the corners of his eyes creased. You noted that he was not the only pedestrian looking at the two of you. 

Seonghwa’s smile was different from the one you’d encountered at San’s apartment the last few times you’d visited. It wasn’t teasing or courteous, nor was it friendly. It was strained. Cold. It was more telling of his temperament than a frown would’ve been. San let go of your wrist, embarrassed.

“I didn’t mean to- I wasn’t-”

“But you were, weren’t you?” Seonghwa asked. The tone of his voice made your blood run cold and your heart skip a beat at the same time. San scowled and snatched the newspaper back from you.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled to you, not unlike a small child who had just been scolded by his mother in front of his friends. You weren’t sure what to make of the apology, not when it was so inauthentic. Instead of replying, you turned to Seonghwa.

“I can defend myself,” you told him. Seonghwa’s smile turned softer, and when he looked at you you found yourself feeling stripped bare beneath his gaze.

“I’m sure. I was just looking out for a friend,” he said. At this, San scoffed.

“Friend?” he asked, raising a brow at Seonghwa. More out of spite toward what San had said than out of affection for Seonghwa, you hummed in confirmation.

“Yeah. Friend,” you emphasised.

San’s frown turned into something closer to a pout, his brows drawing together to form a furrow in the middle. He looked down at the paper in his hands, eyes moving over the headline over and over, as though he might find a word or two in there that would dispute the claim that you and Seonghwa were friends. Eventually he gave up, handing the newspaper to you and shuddering like a bird trying to straighten out its ruffled feathers. 

“I’m going to head back to work. We can see each other tomorrow instead,” San mumbled, and you could find it in yourself to nod back and do nothing more. He glanced into the coffeeshop where the two of you usually shared lunch and turned away to head back to his job, but not without shooting Seonghwa a glare first. You sighed softly and watched him blend back into his life as a cop who couldn’t stand seeing his best friend’s comments on his work. The cold space between you both grew just a little bit wider.

“Hey,” Seonghwa murmured, pulling you out of your own head. He reached out with one arm, slowly, so that you would have enough time to reject him. When you stayed still he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and squeezed you gently, fingers kneading into your shoulder while you both looked down at the newspaper in your hands. He stopped after a while, sliding his hand down to your waist. Something about the way he touched you made you relax rather than tense up the way you expected yourself to do. “Come on, let me buy you coffee.”

“Oh, there’s no need,” you replied, folding up the newspaper and meeting his eyes. 

“I insist,” he pushed. His hand squeezed your waist tight before he let go of you entirely. The moment his touch was gone you found yourself feeling cold and vulnerable. You resisted the urge to reach out for another hug and instead held the newspaper close to your chest. Seonghwa laughed, a sound that should’ve been sweet but instead sounded like an upbeat song twisted into a minor key. “For what it’s worth, I thought the article was good. Well-worded.”

It was your turn to laugh a bitter laugh. 

“Thanks,” you sighed. You met his eyes and allowed yourself to fall into them. “Coffee sounds good.”

You never asked yourself why Seonghwa had arrived at the exact moment San had grabbed your wrist. All you did was smile when he placed a gentle hand on the small of your back, and hoped that he wouldn’t notice the way your grip tightened on the newspaper in your hands.

Just as you’d predicted, the murders grew in number. Three jumped to five and five turned to six. The public was appalled, the police were scrambling to handle the fallout of their silence concerning the first three murders, and every news outlet was fighting to connect the dots and figure out the case before anybody else did.

There were close to no connections between the victims. Spread far and wide across the city, it was hard to tell where the next body would be found and which area officers should be guarding. Three women and three men had been found so far, four killed methodically and almost surgically while the other two were killed brutally, bones smashed and abdomens torn open. At first there was doubt as to whether they could have been committed by the same person, but the way all six crimes coincided made it hard to believe that they belonged to different perpetrators.

Pathologists determined that the victims had been cut open while they were still alive. The murders were close to being vivisections, perverse and calculated in nature. It was just as horrifying as it was intriguing, perfect for triggering the shameful part of human nature that caused humans to stop and stare at car crashes, greedy for the tragedy missing from their own lives. It was always fun to be a spectator when you suffered no consequences after all.

You were working on a new article on the case, mind racing to piece together every new scrap of information that was being handed out to journalists and the public alike, when there was a knock at your front door. You figured that it would be San, coming to talk about your articles or perhaps even apologise, but when you opened the door it wasn’t just your best friend standing in the doorway. 

“Hey,” San exhaled, as though he’d been holding his breath since the last time he saw you. Beside him, Seonghwa smiled at you. 

“Hi doll,” he greeted. You ignored the way San seemed to almost bristle at the pet name that Seonghwa used and instead focused on swallowing down the butterflies fluttering in your throat. When neither you nor San spoke, Seonghwa continued. “We brought some food we cooked. Can we come in?”

Only then did you notice the bags Seonghwa was holding and the box of chocolates in San’s hands. San smiled tentatively as he held them out to you, waiting for you to accept his proposal for a truce. While part of you wanted to keep being bitter, you weren’t strong enough to turn San down. You never had been. You took the box of chocolates from him and snorted when he pulled you into a hug, holding onto you with something close to desperation. 

“I’m sorry. I should never have grabbed you like that,” he mumbled. He was right, but you didn’t feel like pressing the subject any further. You kissed his temple and pulled back from the hug. 

“It’s alright,” you reassured him, stepping aside to let them both into your apartment. 

You didn’t mention out loud the look on Seonghwa’s face as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him. He was tight-lipped, his jaw hard as stone and his brow bones an icy cliff that gave way to frozen eyes. Even so, he must have noticed the way you looked at him, because his features thawed once San was out of earshot and he glanced at you as though he’d never frozen over to begin with.

“It’s good to see you again,” he said. 

“It’s good to see you too,” you replied, breathless for a reason you couldn’t name. At this, Seonghwa grinned. You found yourself even more winded than before.

After you’d eaten, San volunteered to stay in the kitchen and do the dishes while you and Seonghwa retreated into the room you used for your work. He looked over the notes and news clippings you had tacked onto the wall, eyes drawn to the images you’d obtained from pathologists and morgues of what the various bodies looked like. His expression was different from those you’d seen so far. He remained quiet while he looked over everything, his perfectly manicured fingers trailing over the images. 

“Who do you think did it?” he asked, looking at you. It wasn’t curiosity that was in his features but something else entirely. Something like a high school teacher asking a question that had a painfully obvious answer. You stepped closer to him so that both of you were looking down at the same picture and chewed on your bottom lip.

“A lot of people at work have been saying that it might be a surgeon or an ex-surgeon,” you started, resting your fingertip atop a particularly gruesome picture. “But I thought it might be something different. Like a hunter, maybe. I think that someone who hunts would have more of a capacity for violent murders but they’d know enough to dissect the bodies as well.”

“The word would be vivisect. It was done when they were alive, right?” Seonghwa corrected. Despite his expression just a moment ago his voice was smooth and nowhere near chiding. He placed his fingertip beside yours. His skin was well kept and his cuticles were perfect, but there was something brownish and dark gathered beneath his nail. “I think you’re almost right.”

“Yeah?” you asked, shifting your fingertip only for his to follow. You did it once again, amused by the game of cat and mouse. Not once did you lift your eyes to look at him. You preferred this. The warmth of him standing next to you, his perfect hand and stained fingernail chasing after your finger. You felt him turn his head slightly and shivered when his breath hit your ear.

“It’d have to be both,” he said simply, as though he knew he was right. “An ex-surgeon has no need to murder and a hunter has no need to meticulously take apart. But together?”

His free hand moved to rest on your back, fingers tracing your spine. You finally turned your head to look at him, confused both by him and by the warmth that filled your belly at the sound of his voice. A warmth that was far too close to arousal for your liking. He smiled at you with those glossy lips that always unnerved you and held your gaze with dark, bottomless eyes. 

“Think of it like a butcher,” he said. 

“Butchers kill animals for people to eat,” you replied, glancing between his face and the image of the body still beneath both your fingertips. “There’s no evidence of cannibalism.”

“Well there have been so many missing organs. Do you think it’s an organ trafficker instead? Someone keeping trophies?” he asked. You chewed on your bottom lip again, teeth playing with the flesh until it became soft enough for you to tear a chunk away and swallow it. You looked back at your spread of information, eyes roaming over it all while Seonghwa’s fingers roamed over your back. 

“I don’t know,” you admitted with a sigh. “San’s team hasn’t figured that much out yet.”

“Forget San’s team,” Seonghwa hummed, pressing his hand flat between your shoulder blades. The touch felt safe and loving and, as his blunt fingernails pressed into your skin through the fabric of your shirt, hungry. “You have enough to figure it out. You’ll get there before them.”

Your eyebrows drew together in confusion, your mind struggling to understand what he could possibly mean. But before you could get far San was calling out that he was done with the dishes and that he was putting water to boil for tea. You barely got another glimpse of Seonghwa’s nail and the substance caked beneath it before he was pulling away from you and gesturing for you to follow. 

“Think about it later,” he commanded. 

Not for the first time, you followed his instructions in a heartbeat.

The bodies continued to pile up. The police continued to struggle. The journalists continued to milk money out of the story. The public began to scream of incompetence and carelessness and corruption. The skin beneath San’s eyes grew dark and the collage of images and writings on your wall grew to occupy an alarming amount of space, like something out of a tacky cop TV show. Through it all, the only thing that remained the same was Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa and his perfectly planned outfits, Seonghwa and his carefully applied makeup, Seonghwa and his guarding touches and teasing smiles and minor key laughter. His presence was just as eerie as it was grounding and soon enough you found yourself unlocking the door to San’s apartment not to see your childhood friend but instead to see his roommate. And while San began to shoot you bitter looks each time his department was mentioned in one of your articles, Seonghwa only seemed to grow prouder and prouder, eager to discuss your thoughts and to provide new context and theories that you never would have thought of by yourself. 

This was the case when you let yourself into their apartment early one Saturday morning. You were expecting to find San getting ready to leave for work but it seemed that he wasn’t home. You were toeing off your shoes and hanging up your jacket when Seonghwa emerged from his room, eyelids heavy from sleep but the eyes beneath them just as sharp and alert as they always were. 

“He’s still at the station. Didn’t come home last night,” Seonghwa explained. 

It was odd to see him bare faced after seeing him in makeup all of this time, but he looked just as pretty and alluring now as he did when his lashes were curled and his lips were painted. You nodded in response to him and walked further into the apartment, making your way to the kitchen to put the kettle to boil. 

“This case is really doing him in,” you sighed softly. You thought of San’s worn out face and his irate reactions to the headlines in the newspapers. In all the years you’d known San you’d never seen him so beat down. It was all foreign to you. “Twelve bodies and not a clue as to who’s behind them all. Stuff like that doesn’t even happen nowadays.”

Seonghwa hummed as he followed you, standing beside the counter and watching you. When you’d first met him you’d shrunk beneath his gaze, shying away from his analytical eyes and trying to pull out of his magnetic field. Now, you turned to look at him and found yourself relieved to be close to him. Pulling away wasn’t even a thought in your mind.

“What about you?” he asked. “You’ve been working with it but you don’t seem beat down at all.”

“Well I’ve had you to keep me afloat,” you replied, not thinking twice about the words. The corners of Seonghwa’s lips twitched upwards and you felt your face heat up. 

“I’m enough to keep you afloat?” he asked. While he was only teasing you, the words had enough truth to them to make you face away from him, unwilling to let him notice how your heartbeat had suddenly picked up its pace or how your stomach was suddenly tying in knots. But Seonghwa would have none of that. Though you couldn’t see him, you could hear his footsteps as he came closer to you. When he rested a hand on your hip from where he stood behind you, your nerves melted. You shut your eyes and felt lips pressing against your temple for a heartbeat or two. “You’re closer than you think.”

The words were spoken right up against your ear and the grip on your hip grew tighter. Hungrier. You sucked in a sharp breath and turned to look Seonghwa in the eye. Your noses brushed and the roar of the boiling kettle grew louder and louder until you couldn’t hear your heartbeat rushing in your ears. You wanted to ask him something, anything, to try and understand why he had so much faith in you. Why his touch always felt so protective. Why his smiles always made it seem like he was telling a joke that was too complex for anyone but him to understand. Why he was so good to you when he was so indifferent to his own roommate. But then the kettle clicked at the same moment as the front door’s lock clicked and you were startled out of your train of thought. As though he could read your mind, Seonghwa gently took hold of your jaw and looked between your eyes and your lips, looking like he was arguing with himself. Finally, he let go.

“Hold that thought,” he told you, and stepped away from you. The air of the apartment was cold around you as it took Seonghwa’s place and you found yourself speechless. You were left staring at his face, his expression neutral once again, and found yourself wanting something more. Found yourself hungry.

“Good morning,” San greeted from the doorway of the kitchen, breaking off into a yawn as he waved at you. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“Yeah, I just,” you paused to steel yourself, using every ounce of concentration in your body to avoid looking at Seonghwa sitting at the kitchen table. “I thought we could go out and get breakfast together. I didn’t know you were working overnight.”

“It was a last minute thing,” San sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“New body?” you asked, trying to be sympathetic. San seemed to appreciate the gentle tone because he smiled at you more genuinely than he had done in weeks. 

“New body,” he confirmed. “I don’t know what to do. If we could just get an idea of what this person looks like I’m sure we’d figure it out. Someone like this… I think all it’d take is one look at them and we’d know.”

You didn’t miss the way Seonghwa’s face twitched at this. He was amused. You weren’t sure why. You didn’t ask either. 

“I’m sorry Sannie. Go get some rest, it’ll be good to look at it with fresh eyes,” you said, which only drew another sigh from San. He turned and left anyway, leaving only you and Seonghwa in the kitchen. When you both made eye contact, he drummed his fingers against the kitchen table. You noted the filth caked beneath his nails again but this time you didn’t dwell on it. You turned and picked up the kettle, making mugs of tea for all three of you. Seonghwa kept you silent company, and the moment of closeness from earlier went unmentioned. 

Seonghwa didn’t leave you hungry for long. 

For the first time you invited him over alone, not bothering to invite San as well when you knew that he was unbelievably busy. Seonghwa came over the same as usual, all smiles and mundane chit chat and eagerness to hear about your days and what you’d been doing lately. He even let you show him your growing board of images and clippings, eyes never leaving your lips while you told him about all of the new evidence and what it said about the old evidence. He looked at the new images on your desk and picked one up, rubbing his thumb over the picture of somebody’s empty abdominal cavity.

“I didn’t know journalists investigated this much,” he murmured, setting the picture back down.

“Not all of us do,” you replied with a shrug. “But this is what we all study and work for. A big story. They don’t come often, we should do our best with them.”

Seonghwa grunted in response. You turned to look at him, wondering if you’d said something wrong. But then he turned his head to look at you and you felt your heart practically come to a standstill in your chest. His eyes became strangely focused the same way they did when he looked at the gory pictures you had printed out and stuck up for analysis. 

“You’re brave, you know that?” he asked. When you raised an eyebrow in question, he raised one in return. “Don’t you think it’s dangerous to meddle with the affairs of someone who’s so willing to maim and kill? Do you think they aren’t reading all of this? Watching what you’re doing?”

For the first time since the murders had started, you felt a pang of ice cold fear in your chest. 

“No, I… I didn’t think of it like that,” you whispered, looking at your wall through a new lens. Maybe Seonghwa was right. Maybe all you were doing was making yourself a target without even coming closer to an answer for the case. Seonghwa grunted once again. 

“You have to look closer, and never think that they’re not looking back at you,” he said. Before you could even register what he was doing he pushed aside the papers on your desk so that there was a clear space in the middle. He guided you to sit down with the intoxicating touch that you were starting to become more and more familiar with and you followed. You followed again when he stepped forward to stand between your legs and leaned in so that his nose brushed against yours. You looked at his hands and, after weeks of fleeting glances and trying to figure it out, you understood what was stuck beneath his nails. “Look at me. Are you looking at me?”

You looked away from his hands, the icy fear in your chest melting into the warmth of attraction in your stomach, until you couldn’t tell what was horror and what was desire. In the end, both feelings fostered an aching hunger deep in your belly.

“Yes,” you breathed. “I’m looking.”

Seonghwa lifted a hand, allowed you to stare at the blood beneath his nails before he held your jaw and gave it a calculated squeeze. 

“I’m looking back at you,” he said, words ghosting over your lips. 

When he kissed you it was hungry. You felt as though your stomach had opened up into a black hole. His teeth dug into your bottom lip and you let them, even when the pain of it became sharp enough to make you wince. You let him kiss and bite and lick even when the skin broke and the kiss began to taste of metal and flesh. His nails dug into your skin as he pushed his hands up beneath your shirt, no doubt leaving behind indents in the shape of crescent moons, and his breaths came out heavy and unsteady. 

“Keep looking,” he demanded, voice rough and unlike anything you’d heard from his lips before. “I’m looking right back at you.”

The crimes only seemed to escalate after that. In tune with them, the hunger you felt around Seonghwa escalated each time you saw him. You wanted more from him, but he only ever gave you half of that. He pressed you against his kitchen counter and bit into your skin, teeth digging in hard enough that you were sure he’d break past it and make you bleed the same way he did to your lips. But he never did bite that hard. You were starting to learn that Seonghwa was a master of self-control, even though the number of murders in the city only seemed to climb. While you still had no real reason to believe that he had anything to do with them, you couldn’t keep yourself from trying to connect the two dots.

You barely saw San anymore. Instead you sat with your legs over Seonghwa’s lap while you told him about the latest autopsy report and he clued you in on what you weren’t looking at closely enough. He pushed a hand beneath your shirt and traced each of your organs as you described what had happened to those of the victims. Some of them had been removed with the utmost care, while some of them had been torn out with the same aggression a five-year-old would use to tear the limbs off of their Barbie dolls. Seonghwa seemed to enjoy listening to you describe that sort of aggression, and if that was suspicious to you in any way, shape or form, you kept that suspicion to yourself. You never posed any questions, just kept looking closer. Each time you did, you found that Seonghwa was looking right back at you. 

It was late one evening when there was a furious knocking on your front door. You were half-asleep already, sitting in front of the TV with a book in hand, and you stumbled when you got up to answer the door. Unlike weeks ago, it was Seonghwa who you were expecting to see at this time, not your childhood friend. But it was San’s face that greeted you, not his roommate’s.

“Hey Sannie,” you mumbled through your drowsiness. When he didn’t immediately reply, you blinked at him, slowly zoning in on the anger and discomfort in his eyes. You stepped out of the doorway but he made no move to come inside, instead shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably.

“You know something,” he said. A statement, not a question.

“What do you mean?”

“Your articles are different. The speculation isn’t speculation anymore,” he said. This managed to wake you up.

“I don’t know what you mean,” you said, but the words were only half true.

“I know how you write. I’ve read your articles for years,” San continued, his discomfort becoming more and more obvious. “All this stuff about the killer being a surgeon and a hunter? Speculating that they’re a cannibal? That the killings are like the work of a butcher? You’re not guessing. You’re writing things that you know for sure.”

You froze. You hadn’t even noticed the tone in your articles shifting. You realised suddenly that you might have written about something you weren’t supposed to know, something that hadn’t been revealed to the public yet. Your blood ran cold. You couldn’t even remember how much of Seonghwa’s words had weaved their way into your own. 

“Are they things that you know for sure?” you asked, unable to keep the shake out of your voice. Something akin to disappointment, maybe even betrayal, passed over San’s face. 

“You have to tell us why you know these things. You have to tell us or else they’re going to make you,” he said quietly.

“Don’t you trust me?” you asked. 

“It’s not about trust. This is my job,” San said. He paused for a moment, looking as though he might regret what he was going to say. But he said it anyway. “If I have to throw you under the bus I will. If I have to arrest you or take you to court to solve this case, I will. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t you.”

You weren’t sure what to say to that. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t you. He didn’t even care who he was sacrificing, not if it would get this case off of his back. He didn’t really care about solving it. He cared only about washing his hands of the matter. The two of you did nothing except look at each other for a long while, and that gap that had surfaced when you wrote your first article about the case appeared again, wider and deeper than it had ever been. You wondered for a second if you would turn San in for something he hadn’t done, but it took only a second and not any longer for you to dismiss the idea. Of course you wouldn’t. Who would do something like that?

You shut the door and locked it. You stood there until you finally heard San’s footsteps retreating, finalising the divide in your friendship. 

“You can’t tell me anymore than you already have,” you told Seonghwa days later, taking down your scraps of paper and pictures of evidence and packing them all up into a shoebox. Seonghwa watched from the doorway of the room, his expression stiff enough that you couldn’t tell whether he was pleased or displeased. 

“You don’t want to look anymore?” he asked. You glanced at him, felt your cheeks turn hot as he looked at you. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” you mumbled. “San’s going to turn me in if I say anything else.”

“What makes you think he’d be able to?”

This time when you looked at Seonghwa he looked something close to livid. 

“What makes you think anyone can hurt you anymore? That they could do anything to you that you don’t want them to do?” 

You tried not to think about what the words implied when there was dry blood beneath his nails and a dark look in his eyes. You pushed the last of the pictures into the box and set it down on top of your desk. You sealed it shut with copious amounts of tape, working silently even as Seonghwa came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. Finally, you were done, but you stayed still as Seonghwa pulled you closer to him, nosing at the back of your neck. 

“Keep looking, okay?” he whispered. “I’ll keep looking back.”

Pulling and pulling, swallowing and swallowing. It was all Seonghwa knew how to do. Not for the first time, you let yourself be pulled in and swallowed down. Only this time, you were finally aware of it. 

It didn’t take long for another body to be found. Only that this time, you knew first. You knew before the emergency service operators did, before the police did, before any other journalist did. You knew first, and you kept looking and looking and looking while it looked back all the while.

This was the first time you’d seen somebody die and it was the first time you’d seen somebody kill. It was also the first time you’d seen somebody open-mouthed and bloody-lipped. Breathless, beautiful. Exquisite, intoxicating. Hungry. Hungry, hungry, hungry. 

Hungry even when he pulled you close and kissed you with blood in his mouth and all over his face and beneath his nails. He swallowed down flesh and you kept looking. He tore open skin and you kept looking. He got blood on his peachy eyeshadow and you kept looking. The shameful part of your human nature wouldn’t let you pull your eyes away. 

“C’mere doll.”

His voice was magnetic and he knew it. You moved closer to him, shuffling alongside the body beginning to turn cold beside you both on the bed. Seonghwa’s hands slid beneath your underwear, squeezing your ass tight enough to make you gasp. He stained your skin with blood and grinned at you. He leaned forward to kiss your neck and this time his teeth broke the skin. He lapped up the blood that surfaced, kissed at the wound like a mother kissing her child’s scraped knee. 

“Are you still looking?” he asked, sounding something like tires crunching on gravel. 

“Yes,” you replied, kissing at his iron-coated lips. He hummed, satisfied. If he wanted to eat you whole you would have let him in that moment, spellbound by his touch and gaze the same way you had been when you first met him. But for the first time since you’d laid eyes on him he was satisfied, less of a blackhole and more of a bottomless pit. Less of a bottomless pit and more of a man. 

“Good. Don’t take your eyes off me.”

Even as the case spiralled, even as dry blood began to accumulate beneath your fingernails, even when your best friend’s name appeared in your headlines, you did exactly as he said. The fear subsided into curiosity, and curiosity subsided into admiration, and admiration inevitably subsided into hunger. Through each and every body and through each and every bump in the case, your eyes never left his. And he kept looking

right

back

at you.

.

taglist: @i-luvsang @peanutpmingib @sannierio @lokai-fi @w-iill @cutie-wooyo @xirenex @sanjoongie @talkbykhalid @itsjustwinter

taglist form here

#ateez x reader #park seonghwa x reader #ateez fanfic #park seonghwa fanfic #choi san fanfic #ateez imagines #park seonghwa imagines #ateez fic #park seonghwa fic #yandere ateez #yandere seonghwa #not rlly but idk what else to describe it as

[sweatertheman]

Even though Harry is completely unjustified in hating Dora as much as he does, I can understand emotionally why he can't help but see her as "the bitch that fucked him."

If I recall correctly, Harry only became a cop because of the influence she had on him. And it was becoming a cop that fucked him. He became a heavy-duty case solving machine, incapable of turning off, incapable of talking normally to people. He started drinking heavily, started coming apart at the seams. Being a cop turned him into a bad person (or worse, if he was already shitty) and made him lose his mind.

Thing is, there was no way Dora could have known that Harry would become the unstable man he became. She was just an average middle class woman, she didn't know how bad working as a detective could be, didn't know that Harry was someone suceptible to coming undone, likely didn't have the political education to understand that All Cops Are Bastards, and that Harry becoming one would make him into a bastard. Even if she did tell him he should become a cop, she can't be blamed for what he turned into. She had every right to leave when things crumbled.

But Harry, in the low point of his life, can't see that. He needs to blame Dora for making her love him, for encouraging him to become the man he became, and leaving him when he hit rock bottom. Because in his mind, its either that, or it's HIS fault, and everything bad that happened is because of him and the pain he did to others. A battle that goes on endlessly between Harry breaking down apologizing to everyone for being such a piece of shit and telling everyone to go fuck themselves for wronging him. A battle that continues because Harry, as a mentally unstable cop, can't concieve of the idea that both he and Dora are just flawed human beings who made mistakes, and that if he has to blame anyone, it should be the system.

It wasn't Dora's fault that Harry became a cop, it was the system's fault for glorifying the police. Both Harry and Dora here had good motives, wanted to make a difference and help people. But the police are just the lackeys of capital. They don't protect or serve anyone but the interests of the government and of each other. Police are given power over the people and encouraged to abuse it so long as they and their bosses get what they want. And Harry persisted, maybe because he still thought he was doing good work, maybe because he didn't want to let Dora down, or maybe because he just loved having power. And at the end of the day, the experience warped him into a broken man. And when Dora left him, all he had was his detective work, and some fading memories. It pushed him to drink himself to the point he forgot everything. And what thoughts can pop into his mind as soon as he wakes up?

"Officer? Am I millitary personnel?"

"Who would let me be an officer of the law?"

"I don't wanna be a cop anymore."

"Please come take me home. I don't want to be here anymore."

Free from (most of) the baggage, Harry can't fathom the idea that HE of all people is a cop. He wants to leave. He has to ask questions even if he doesn't want to. Harrier Du Bois is at war with the cop inside him. The thing that happens during the game is the process by which Harry rebecomes the thing which was killing him.

It was the Moralintern that fucked Harry. He could have been a real person. A revolutionary, a feminist, a father. But because of the Moralintern and general pro-police propaganda, he became a detective, lost everything, and slowly rotted into the unhinged bastard we know and... love..?????

#disco elysium #harry du bois

[gayestsillybilly]

Heya, nice looking blog! I wanna contribute with a request hehe :3

Chiori with a fem!reader that gets accused of a crime! They'd be in a relationship already, and the supposed crime would happen while Chiori isn't with her! If you don't mind, I'd love to see what she does before, during, and after the trial! If you don't want to write as much, before and during is enough!

TYSM!! I hope the request is enjoyable to write!

☆ 𝗙𝗔𝗟𝗦𝗘 𝗔𝗖𝗖𝗨𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦 ☆

𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: Romantic

𝗦𝗨𝗠𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗬: While your girlfriend was away, you got accused of a crime you didn't do, and now you have to prove your innocence...

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦: The trial thing might not make much sense since I don't know a lot about crimes and how fingerprints work </3. Reader is female. Pronouns used are you/your. If there's anything else you think needs a warning, feel free to tell me!

𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗘𝗦: This is my first time writing for Chiori, I don't know much about her character but I tried to make her personality accurate. I didn't know if you wanted the reader to commit an actual crime or not, so I went with it being a false accusation, sorry if it's not what you wanted! If you notice any grammar mistakes, please let me know! I hope you like it :)

This was definitely not how you expected your weekend to go.

Here you were, sitting in a room with Chiori by your side. You were currently awaiting your trial, because you had been accused of stealing some things from a jewelry store.

You thought about how you had gotten into this situation...

About two weeks prior, your girlfriend, Chiori, had some business to deal with and had to leave for a few hours. During that time, you encountered your old childhood friend, who was never very fond of you.

You both talked, and they told you about how their business was failing because someone kept stealing their goods.

You couldn't offer much more than words of comfort, you weren't a detective and you didn't want to get yourself in court.

Afterwards, your friend gave you some cool stuff, and you, not thinking much about it, accepted their 'gifts'.

After your friend left, you went home, and almost forgot about the conversation you had with them.

But now, you couldn't stop thinking about it. Why would they accuse you of stealing their jewelry? Sure, they may not like you very much, but that's not an excuse to accuse you of a crime! You were sure they were going to use the stuff they offered you as 'evidence'.

"Tell me, [Name], how did you manage to get accused of theft?" Chiori sat down next to you as she spoke.

You shrugged. "I didn't provoke them, at least I don't think I did... They were never fond of me, and we never got along that well, but I'd never steal their stuff... Chiori, you believe me, right?" You looked at your girlfriend, hoping to get a positive answer from her.

She thought for a moment. "Yes. I believe you." You smiled slightly at her words, it was somewhat comforting to know your girlfriend was on your side, despite not knowing exactly what happened.

You had to mentally prepare yourself when you were finally put on trial. It was pretty high up from where you stood.

You had never been in this spot before, you had watched people during trials before, sure, but this was different, now you were the one being judged.

You were a bit scared, if you weren't able to prove your innocence, you'd be sent to the fortress of Meropide! You could already feel the sweat drip down your neck.

While the Iudex spoke, your mind was filled with thoughts, you couldn't calm yourself down, why did this have to happen to you?

But you were snapped out of your thoughts when you felt Chiori's hand on your shoulder. You glanced at her. "Chiori, I'm nervous..." You whispered to her, hoping that maybe she could ease your worries, but if not, she'd still be there for you.

"Yes, I can tell. But don't worry, you're not going to be locked up." She spoke with such confidence, as if she was sure of what she was saying.

"Well, I hope so... If only I hadn't accepted those 'gifts', maybe I wouldn't be in this situation." You were angry at yourself for being so careless, but it was useless to dwell on the past.

"You have to focus on what's going on right now, [Name], you're here to prove your innocence, not to beat yourself up over your decisions." Chiori was right, you had to focus on getting yourself out of this situation first, then you could sulk over your decisions!

And so, the trial begun. Your friend showed their 'evidence', which was the jewelry they had given you, only your fingerprints were detected, they had been wearing gloves that day so their fingerprints would stay hidden...

Though, you were able to prove your innocence later on, because at the time their goods were stolen, you had been in Inazuma for work, and Chiori confirmed this as she had been there to see you leave.

Your friend was running out of options now, their goods were stolen and they accused you of stealing them all, but when that happened, you weren't in Fontaine. And you also stated that the jewelry they claimed you had stolen had been gifted by them...

Even though only your fingerprints were detected, you requested that the supposedly stolen goods were to be analyzed again, and sure enough, after a more throughout analyzation, they were able to find your friend's fingerprints too.

You ended up winning the case, you could feel your muscles relax when you heard the Iudex utter the words "Not guilty". Your girlfriend was also glad that you had been able to prove your innocence, you could tell she was relieved too.

After you two went back home, you plopped down on the couch, sighing in relief. "I can't believe they'd do that... What's their problem with me anyway?"

Chiori sat beside you. "They must've been jealous of your success. Forget about them." She said, before leaning in and giving you a peck on the lips.

You smiled. "I'll try... At least now I don't have to worry about getting sent to the fortress of Meropide." Chiori nodded in agreement.

She smoothed out your outfit before speaking. "You had a long day, you should rest now." She was right, you were pretty tired.

"I guess I should go to sleep... Come with me" You stood up from the couch and walked to your bedroom, waiting for her to follow you.

She walked behind you, letting you guide her to the bedroom. You two spent the rest of the day in bed, mostly sleeping but also talking about Chiori's clients, and your's too...

You were glad that everything was back to normal.

I'm sorry if it's rushed or doesn't make sense or if Chiori is ooc waaa

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #chiori x reader #fem reader #>^< - xreader things! #>^< - romantic chiori stuff! #Tysm for requesting^^

[winchestergirl2]

August Reading Recs

To show some love and appreciation to all the amazing writers here on tumblr, here are all the fantastic fics I've read this month. 💖

Many of these fics and blogs are 18+ only, and NSFW please heed the author's individual fic warnings and requests regarding no minors. I am not responsible for your media consumption.

2023 Reading Rec List

The Boys

Soldier Boy

Break Me Down Part 17 | The Epilogue @zepskies

Authors Summary: You’re a private investigator by trade, but now you happily sit at a desk — leading a surveillance team at Supe Affairs. After managing to end Homelander in New York, Soldier Boy escapes custody. You are recruited for the manhunt, joining Butcher’s team.

Truly, you joined the S.A. for the right reasons. But after you become his accidental hostage, Soldier Boy will break down every single one of them…

Love Actually Part 1 @zepskies

Authors Summary: Ben gets in late on Christmas Eve with a Grinch-like attitude, but you’re determined to force some holiday cheer into his system.  

Love Actually Part 2 | Part 3 @zepskies

Authors Summary: You and Ben steel yourselves in order to meet your crazy family for Christmas dinner.

Supernatural

Dean Winchester

The Widow @pink-sparkly-witch

Authors Summary: Sam and Y/N are happily married, but everything changes after a fatal car accident leaves her a widow. The Winchester motto: “Family Don’t End with Blood,” takes on a whole new meaning for Y/N as she navigates her new normal with the help of her brother-in-law, Dean. But what no one can tell her is what happens when she falls in love again.  

Escape Chapter 58 | Chapter 60 @soaringeag1e

Authors Summary:  A serial killer is reeking havoc around Lawrence, Kansas, and Detective Dean Winchester is getting really sick of finding more and more bodies. But one day, he gets a call about another victim. But instead of the location of another body, he gets news that this one escaped the hell of this mans actions.

The Fallout @justagirlinafandomworld

Authors Summary: When Sam meets his true Omega, you fear your time with the Winchesters is fated to end. Before they can hurt you, you decide to distance yourself. But Dean isn’t willing to let you get away so easy.

Welcome to Being a Girl @negans-lucille-tblr

Authors Summary: When a spell puts you in Dean’s body and Dean in yours, there’s more than one problem that arises.

What A Girl Wants @writercole

Reckless and Raging @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

Authors Summary: Y/N knows she made a mistake, but Dean’s fury at her isn’t making it easy to admit to. But why is he so completely furious?

Hold On, I'm Coming @ravengirl94

Authors Summary: When a freak accident lands you in some trouble, the local fire department and a particularly handsome firefighter come to your rescue. Dean Winchester catches your eye immediately with his charm and kindness, but being Chief Singer’s daughter could cause some serious problems. You and Dean have a choice to make: defy your father’s wishes and face the consequences, or go your separate ways...

Stood Up @justkending

Authors Summary: You haven’t had a date night in a while, and an old hunting companion calls you up for drinks. Sneaking out from Dean and Sam questioning you, you make it to the bar only to realize you’ve been stood up. Coming home you feel defeated and worthless. Lucky for you, you have someone who thinks you deserve better. 

Sam Winchester

Untitled Sam drabble @girl-next-door-writes

Untitled Sam drabble @girl-next-door-writes

Tell Me @thinkinghardhardlythinking

Authors Summary: Sam wants to know what the reader wants him to do to her in bed

This Is Crazy, Isn't It? @katelyn--renee

Authors Summary: The trio enjoy a night out in Las Vegas. Things don’t go quite as expected.

Untitled Sam drabble @supernaturalfreewill

Sam and Dean Winchester (no pairing)

Bar Fight @impala-dreamer

Smallville

Jason Teague

Kiss Me First @mind-empty-just-fictional-people

Authors summary: you keep a student after class to work on their late english homework, but coach teague wants his star quarterback at practice

#winchestergirl2 reads #winchestergirl2 recs #fic recs #soldier boy fic #soldier boy x reader #dean winchester fic #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester fic #jason teague x reader #jason teague fic

[irritablepoe]

what do other people get wrong about poe?

YES MORE POE QUESTIONS!! :D thank you anon, you're really given me all the excuses to ramble lmao

tbh there are not many people on here that get him wrong, at least i haven't seen much? though ofc there are other websites *looks at tiktok with squinted eyes* that reduce him to being a sugar daddy boytoy, which... i mean it's funny. but it's also not everything that he is obviously, especially bc i don't think poe really has a concept of money tbh? like i think he has ridiculously expensive essential things (i say essential but i mean i don't think a mansion is particularly essential lmao) and he also buys things he considers important to show off his abilities, like for example the manuscript, but looking at the anthology (which isn't canon but lets pretend it is for a sec) he only has limited clothing and other than many other rich people would he doesn't just hire someone to get them for him yk? (he also lets mori pay i think right? lmao) in conclusion - he spends his money, yes, but he's not throwing it out the window (debatable tho, i'd call 20 mil a waste but he can do it ig?), nor does he spend it much on his own needs.

many people also forget that yes, he is whiny, but he is also extremely dangerous! his ability could trap nearly everyone and make them defenseless! even chuuya spends a while in poe's book and he's highly capable and intelligent! ranpo was near giving up! this is extremely important to his character and a severe bruise on his confidence! i think many forget that

he is a skilled snipper, can replace a car engine (bro watched one yt tutorial and rolled with it i'm so sure about this) and ofc he is a detective and a writer that impressed ranpo (and can also write a mystery in around 15-30 minutes) and is ALSO the architect for the guild. so. yeah. he's multi-talented as shit, i think people should appreciate that more

also (this list is never gonna end lol) i think people mistake his anxiety in social settings for being shy and i just.. don't think he is shy per se? he's quite boastful when it comes to his writing and his ability that comes with it and on the perfect crime trio case he had no problem at all speaking in public and even with the police. i mean an anxious person that would be worried about how he was perceived he would be worried that he'd be found out to be a criminal which he IS, but he just is so sure of himself that he's left no traces that he's just like "*shrug* yeah that happened, anyway, how are you officer? :D" not quite like that ofc but yk i just think he's more anxious in the way that he hates groups of people bc they overwhelm him quickly in regards to noise and conversation (especially small talk i'd guess) and that he just thinks many people he doesn't take interest in are annoying? that might be a lil controversial opinion tbh but i'll gladly remind you of this panel:

(i couldn't find the official translation help)

tho i also have to say that he calls himself shy here so could be both idk:

hm, yeah i think that's it for now. in relations to ranpo i don't like how people sugarcoat them a lot tbh, i know i've said it before but this really bugs me, like yes they're getting along quite well but i wouldn't call their relationship healthy at all? at least not yet, though i can see that it could work very well eventually. i think poe is doing all these things gladly for ranpo but ranpo has to open up way more and tell poe that he appreciates him, like please, this man is so down bad for you. also pls communicate so that poe doesn't lose himself in his obsession, this can't be healthy come onnn, bro has isolated himself for yearssss

yep, i think that's it, ty anon!!!! <33

#bsd poe #bsd ranpo #ranpoe #bites down and shakes him around #and ofc again: my opinion/perception of him you ofc don't have to agree :D

[sherlocks-blanket]

Cold case

Sherlock holmes x reader

A\N: This was really fun to write! But have to mention, that this time , it wasn't really beta read. Sooo if they happen to be mistakes I'm really sorry.

Warnings: None

Words: 1k

Gif not mine

“Sherlock you shouldn’t work in that condition!” you scowled at the detective with your hands on your hips. Trying to reason with him could be really a pain at times… Especially, when he doesn’t take care of himself, like now when he’s ill.

“I’m completely capable of w-“ his face furrowed, as he let out a sneeze.

You handed him with a sigh the tissue box which he accepted, but knowing how stubborn he could be; he likely wouldn’t give up so fast. You crossed your arms with a frown. “I told you; that you shouldn’t run after the murderer in the cold rain, but you’ll never listen… So, please listen now, and just rest; you can work again, when you’re recovered.”

Sherlock groaned and dropped his head back on the pillow in silent defeat.

“Good that we settled that. I’ll make you some tea and soup now. Also if you need something just call.”

Sherlock watched as you left the room, leaving the door only with a slight gap open.

Being bedridden could be a pain for the detective, meaning no cases to work on which comes with boredom he despised. But it would be the least of his problem as a pounding pain started to spread, from the back of his head; his eyes wandered on the side where he saw a glass of water and some painkillers you most likely left there, since you knew how he suffers from headaches when he’s… sick as much he doesn’t wanted to admit it…

Sherlock sat up with a grumble and reached for the medication which he gulped down with the water, before he laid back down.

In the kitchen you poured hot water in a cup leaving it now to rest, just as you grasped a pot, so you could prepare the soup; you heard someone haste up the stairs. Wondering who was the one rushing inside, you turned around and your gaze landed on the ex-army doctor.

“Oh, hello John!” you greeted and laid the pot on the stove. “I’m glad you here.”

John’s eyes scanned around the flat, most likely looking for his friend. “Where’s Sherlock?”

Just before you opened your mouth to respond a sneeze echoed from the bedroom where Sherlock was in. It answered the question for John.

“I see… Should I take a look at him?”

“I even insist, maybe he’ll listen more to you with you being a doctor…” you replied and pointed towards the mug with the tea. “Could you also bring him that, if you would be so kind?”

With a nod John took the cup and headed towards the bedroom, knocking first before he entered his friends space. The veteran found Sherlock laying on the bed, and he looked definitely sick with his red nose, and a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead, most likely from a forming fever. That Sherlock wrote him that he needed to come for a case, and that he wanted to work in this condition was beyond him…

“Hello John. Did you saw my message?”

“Gods sake… You really wanted to work on the case while ill?” John raised an eyebrow and laid the hot beverage on the night table.

Sherlock rolled his eyes, first you, and now John… telling him he can’t work while ‘sick’. “I’m feeling good enough to work, so… can you hand me the files… please?”

John crossed his arms and a soft sigh left his lips. “You need to rest, doc’s order! And I’ll tell Greg you won’t work on cases for now. Just take it easy and rest.”

With that being said John left without another word being exchanged, as he closed the door behind him; he left Sherlock once again alone.

The detective crossed his arms with a pout. Resting… Not even criminals rest. Right now there were crimes happening and he? He was just laying in his bed without something to do…

****

It felt like a eternity when the door opened again, hearing soft steps approaching him; his gaze wandered to you. Sherlock saw you were carrying a tray in you hands with a steaming bowl on it, your face in a frown noticing the full mug with the tea from earlier, which was cold by now.

With a sigh you switched the cup with the bowl. “Sherlock… you haven’t touched your tea… Would you at least eat something?”

“Not hungry..” he replied and faced the ceiling again. He couldn’t smell it let alone wouldn’t he taste anything with how stuffed his nose was.

You crossed your arms across your chest. “I know you want to work on cases but even John told you that you need rest and eating a soup adds also for a quick recovery. So please eat, even if it’s a tiny bit… would you do it for me, please?”

A smile of victory spread on your lips, as Sherlock sat up with a low grumble and took the bowl without further complains. You watched him silently take spoon, after spoon, till he put it aside; half of it eaten. Pleased from the result, you wanted to take the dishes back to the kitchen but just as you wanted to step towards the door; you got pulled on the bed from Sherlock.

“Please stay..”

You couldn’t say no when you stared at him, seeing those puppy eyes begging you to stay.“I hope you don’t make me sick.” You chuckled and just as you laid back beside him, he rested his head on your chest.

“Then it would be my turn to care for you.” He replied closing his eyes and eased into your touch, when your fingers glided gently through his dark curls.

As much how grumpy he could be when he’s ill, you loved every moment like these, when he showed his soft side as well. You pressed your lips on top of his head for a kiss, pulling back, when you felt how hot he was. “You’re burning…”

He hummed as respond, too tired to respond correctly.

You smiled and continued to caress him, watching when his breathing slowed, as he slowly drift off to sleep. You didn’t care if you get sick in the end, when this moment is far more valuable.

#sherlock x reader #sherlock bbc #sherlock holmes x reader #sherlock x y/n #sherlock x you #bbc sherlock #sherlock fanfic #sherlock holmes fanfiction #sherlock holmes imagine #sherlock reader insert #sherlockbbc

[lady-pug]

if we could wake up

Chapter I of Wouldn't It Be Nice

Summary: You sustain a head injury while on a mission but Whiskey isn’t fast enough to administer the alpha gel, so your memories of your time at Statesman don’t come back. Instead, you only remember up until the day before you were recruited and your memory ends up being reset every night. Jack makes it his mission to make you fall in love with him everyday (50 First Dates AU)

Pairing: Jack Daniels | Agent Whiskey x Reader

Word count: 1,1k

Warnings: major head injury (bullet to the head, but it's reversed using Statesman technology), memory loss

Notes: Hello dearest readers, it is I. I bring thee something that has been sitting among my WIPs for over two (I kid you not) whole years. I’ve had chapters one and two of this story completely ready stored in my files alongside all my other WIPs and simply never remembered to publish it FOR OVER TWO YEARS! Shame on me, wtf. Which makes me quite sad because it was one of my favorites to work on when I first came up with this idea. But anyways here it is.

I distinctly remember having come up with the idea for this after watching ‘50 First Dates’ four times in the same week (if it wasn’t clear by now this is my all time favorite rom-com) and thinking it fit right up with this cowboy right here.

I really hope you, dear reader, enjoy this story, and if you spot any mistakes, please feel free to warn me and I'll correct it right away, and feedback is always welcome and appreciated.

Reader is female, but no physical descriptions provided

Next part | Masterlist | Read on AO3

Bullets were flying, coming from everywhere. Whiskey could barely look over the cover he was hiding behind before someone was shooting at him.

“Ginger!” he screamed into the earpiece “Cider’s down!”

“What happened?” he heard the static voice of Agent Ginger Ale, or as her friends liked to call her, Elizabeth or Liz, over the comms.

“Dunno. Some goons are shooting at us. She just went down.” he ducked again after failing to locate his partner “Can’t even find her. Probably shot at.”

“Get to her immediately. If she got hit in the head you need to administer the alpha gel as soon as possible!”

“I’m trying here, Ging! Ain’t as easy with twenty guys aiming at your head.”

“Use one of those stunning bombs I made you.”

“I thought we weren’t supposed to use those prototypes yet.”

“That’s all you got now!” he could tell Ginger was becoming agitated “Just do it, Jack!”

He did just that. Picking up one of the stunning bombs in his pocket he threw it as hard as he could towards the barricade. A loud, piercing sound erupted almost immediately, hurting his ears even from where he was. Poor goons, he thought. With his ears still ringing, he took off using his whip and lasso to take out the men one by one.

Once the place was clear and no other enemies could be detected, he ran towards the place he last saw you. Where you had gone down. He came to a halt, however, his heart dropping to his stomach when his eyes landed on your slumped form, a bullet hole on your temple and blood covering the ground.

“Shit, Ging! They blew her brains out.”

“Administer the gel, quick! It’s been way too long already.”

He fumbled with the equipment, almost dropping the roll of gel, before he quickly placed  it over your face, making sure to cover the wound.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m here. I’m going to take care of you. Ging is going to fix your pretty little head in no time, yeah?”

The gel inflated and seemed to be doing its job. 

“Ginger, the gel’s been administered. What now?”

“I’m sending a rescue team your way. Try keeping her head slightly elevated.” she said “And Jack? She’s going to be okay.”

Jack nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. He moved around and propped his back against a tree, his legs extended in front of him. As carefully as he could, he dragged your body, laying your head on his lap, running his fingers through your hair.

“You are going to be fine, sweetheart. I promise.”

The following hours were amongst the longest of his life. Jack would even go as far as to say it was almost as long as the hours he went without any news from his wife the day she had died. As soon as the plane landed on the tarmac, a gurney was ready to take you, rolling you to Ginger’s lab.

She wouldn’t allow him to go inside. The machine you were currently hooked onto had nanoparticles working on your brain to regenerate your neurons, astrocytes and neuroglia, or something sciency he couldn’t quite understand. He was in absolute agony not knowing how you were.  

Finally, after what seemed like weeks, Ginger finally walked out of the lab. He scrambled to his feet from where he was sitting slumped against the wall in front of the lab’s doors.

“How is she?” he blurted out.

“Stable. But the damage to her brain was extensive. And the alpha gel wasn’t administered within the correct window of time.”

“Shit, Liz- I- If I had gotten to her quicker…”

“Hey, hey Jack” she laid a hand on his shoulder “It’s not your fault. There were 23 men shooting at the both of you. Our entire elite squad couldn’t take them all out that quick. You did all you could.”

He sighed, only half believing her.

“What does that mean to her?”

It was Ginger’s turn to sigh.

“I don’t know yet. I’ll only be able to assess the real extent of the damage once she wakes up.”

His shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Why don’t you take a shower, maybe try taking a nap? I’ll wake you up if anything changes.”

He nodded, actually wanting desperately to clean up now that Ginger mentioned it, but already knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink until he knew you were safe. 

Jack walked slowly back towards his quarters, almost dragging his feet into the shower. The water seemed to sooth his aches, but not his worries. He couldn’t get the image of your form, suddenly dropping lifeless, out of his head. Everytime he closed his eyes that scene replayed in the back of his eyelids like some sick, twisted film.

He couldn’t lose you. He couldn’t lose another person he- shit, did he love you? You have been partners for years now, always had each other's backs. You were one of the few people he truly trusted, someone he felt comfortable enough to open up and be vulnerable. To be himself. Recently, he’s started feeling something more than just the friendship you’ve nourished for the past years. He felt the urge to protect you, even though he knew for a fact you could look after yourself. He wanted to kiss you goodnight and wake up next to you the following morning. So did he love you? 

Yeah. Yeah, he did. He knew that now. And he couldn’t lose you.

Laying on his bed, his hair was still wet from the shower when Ginger pinged him. He was out of bed and halfway across the base in the blink of an eye. He couldn’t remember running that fast in years. Bursting through the door of the lab, he found you sitting on one of the pristine white beds, Ginger in front of you holding a clipboard.

“Sweetheart…”

Both you and Ginger looked at him with wide eyes. Ginger walked around your bed in his direction.

“Whiskey, wait-” but he didn’t listen.

“Sweetheart, thank all things sacred, you’re okay!” 

He rushed forward, wrapping his arms around you in the tightest embrace you two had ever shared. He pulled back, hardly noticing the way you stiffened in his embrace, cupping your cheeks so he could look into your eyes.

“Jack-” he faintly registered Ginger’s voice behind him, but he didn’t truly care. All he cared about was that you were safe. That is until you opened your mouth to talk.

“I’m sorry,” you smiled politely at him “but who are you?”

#jack daniels x reader #agent whiskey x reader #jack daniels x f!reader #agent whiskey x f!reader #jack daniels x fem!reader #agent whiskey x fem!reader #kingsman fanfiction #kingsman: the golden circle fanfiction #kingsman fanfic #tw: major head injury #tw: memory loss