#if there is anything important about me..........its me and my love hate relationship to this movie

[beomiracles]

CRIMINAL CONSIENCE

TAPE 01 ─ STAY AWAY FROM CHOI BEOMGYU

synopsis moving rapidly through your career as one of the leading female investigators, you never once encountered a case you couldn't crack. though you never expected for your past mistakes to come back and haunt you in the form of an ex lover, accused of murder.

pairings: criminal!beomgyu x investigator!reader ✎ NOTE, this story is partly told in flashbacks. beware of time stamps as present and past is mixed throughout the story.

warnings for tape 01: mentions of drugging/drug use. oral (f, rec), marking.

𑁤 general warnings ─ this story contains dark themes, portraying unhealthy and toxic relationships as well as substance abuse. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.

tape 01 ─ stay away from Choi Beomgyu

February 19th 2024 ─ present time 

You hated being late. You hated feeling rushed, the way things would always turn out half-assed. Yet you had turned off alarm after alarm, snoozing past at least five of them before finally pulling yourself out of bed with a groan. 

Though one glance at your phone has you rushing to your feet. There was no way you’d make it in time. Pulling on your shirt, looking everywhere for a pair of socks, toothbrush in your mouth. Having to redo your ponytail three times because your stubborn hair refused to lay flat and you’d run out of hair gel. 

One hand on the steering wheel and one applying lipstick messily all over your lips, you sway past the cars on the crowded roads. Parking was easy, you almost made it on the first try this time. 

Stumbling your way through the hallways of your office building, earning rather confused looks from your colleagues. Finally you make it to your office, your own private space. Breathing out a sigh of relief as the door closes behind you, you glance at the clock. Only five minutes late, that was 300 seconds and... 

“That’s not important now”, you sigh as you drag your feet over to your desk. There’s an unfamiliar file on top of your rather large pile. Frowning, you pick it up. Just as you’re about to open it and have a look your phone chimes. 

You bring the device to your ear, “you here yet?” Yeonjun's voice carries over the line. Rolling your eyes, you sit down on your desk, “of course, what do you honestly think of me”,  you snort. 

“Nevermind, don’t”, you then add with a groan. Your colleague chuckles on the other side of the phone. “You seen the file I left for you?”, he asks. You turn said file over in your free hand, “you left it?”. Yeonjun hums, “I need you down in the interrogation rooms in about fifteen, that okay?” 

“Of course, I’ll be there in ten”, you grin and Yeonjun scoffs, “i’ll bet”. You hang up and shove your phone in your back pocket before you make your way toward the interrogation rooms. 

The sound of your heels clacking along the stone floors fill the now empty hallway. Your ponytail swings in tune with your steps and you reapply your favorite red lipstick. Red had never been a color of your choice, but it had been someone else’s.

Another echo of footsteps join yours and soon a voice calls out, “miss y/l/n!”.  Turning around on the spot a smile finds its way to your lips, “Huening!”, you exclaim as the younger man approaches you. 

Huening had this boyish appearance that made him look youthful and innocent. No wonder so many of your female coworkers had a thing for him. Your own history of lovers, on the other hand, were far from anything and everything Hueningkai represented. 

The younger man gives you a shy smile as he hands you a mug of coffee, “you seemed to be in a rush earlier so I…”, he trails off as his gaze falls on the mug in his hand. “Well…”

“That’s very considerate of you, thank you”, you say as you take the cup from him. Bringing it up to your lips you smile, “how did you know I love lattes?”.  The tips of Huening’s ears turn pink, “I er…just y’know, went with my gut feeling…”. 

A small giggle escapes your lips, “never stop trusting it”, you say as you give his shoulder a pat. The younger man’s ears turn from pink to a flaming red as he nods. Clearing his throat he glances at the file in your hand. 

“New case?”, he asks and you nod. “I’m about to meet the suspect just now”, you say as you take a sip of the coffee. On your way you had gone through the pages briefly. To be honest you would need at least thirty minutes to just sit down and read through them. But time was a luxury you couldn’t afford today. 

Huening nods as he fidgets with the hem of his shirt, “perhaps…when you’re done, we could get lunch together?”.  It was impossible for you to decline his sweet request, “I would love to”. Your younger colleague beams as he takes goodbye of you. 

Sipping on your coffee, your red lipstick stains the cup. Eyes scan the papers one last time as you approach the interrogation room. Yeonjun meets you by the door, “you got the files?” he asks and you nod. 

“Yes, though I’ve barely had time to go through them thoroughly”, you admit as you recall your rushed morning. Yeonjun shakes his head, “don’t sweat it”. He brings out a file of his own as he reads a few main points to you. 

“23, male, brought in yesterday night at 1.22am”. Yeonjun flips the paper, “he’s under investigation for murder and attempted arson”. You nod along as you sip on your coffee, arson and murder wasn’t an unusual combination. 

“Any witnesses?” you ask and Yeonjun shakes his head, “none have come forward”. You frown, “how is he linked to the crime?”. Your colleague puts his files down as he turns to look at you, “victim’s DNA on him”. 

Your eyebrows raise in evident surprise, “really?”. Should no other evidence or witnesses surface the man would be as good as guilty already. Yeonjun nods as he unlocks the door for you, “good luck, I’m on the other side of the glass at all times”, he reassures and you give him a thankful smile as you step inside. 

Your heels echo inside the small and dark room as you approach the table in the middle of it. Not looking up from your files you slide down on the chair opposite the man. 

“You are being investigated for the murder of Park Baekhyun as well as the attempted arson against his property. You have the right to remain silent and or request for an attorney, keep in mind that anything you say can be used against you in court”, you say as you place your files down on the table. 

The man in front of you looks up and your eyes widen. His dark eyes pierce yours in such a familiar way that you almost have a hard time controlling your breathing. Lips curling into a smirk as he looks at you.

But that can't be him, it’s impossible, yet he looked exactly like… 

“Beomgyu?” 

Your mouth betrays you before your mind has the chance to stop it. Beomgyu’s smirk only widens as it exposes his shiny teeth, the same teeth that had grazed your skin so many times before. 

He lets out a short laugh, “dollface, it’s been a while hasn’t it?”. 

You want to yell, shout, cry, possibly even throw your coffee in his face. But you do nothing. The smirk on his face doesn’t falter as Beomgyu tilts his head to the side, studying you, as if trying to calculate your next move, you knew he could. 

Though before he has the chance to, the door behind you clicks open. Yeonjun enters with a frown plastered on his normally expressionless and professional face.

“You know this guy?”, he questions and you nod without taking your eyes off Beomgyu who’s smirk only widens. “Know? That’d be an understatement”. Yeonjun gives Beomgyu a short glance before he beckons you to follow him out. 

As the doors to the interrogation room closes behind the two of you, Yeonjun turns to you with a sigh. “What on earth is going on?”. You chew on your bottom lip hesitantly, “well, I sort of…we sort of….” “were something?”. You nod, “yes, something like that”. 

“It was a long time ago though”, you quickly add in a rushed tone and Yeonjun raises an eyebrow. “Exactly how long is long ago?”, he questions. 

You nervously scratch at your forearm as your gaze wanders, anywhere but Yeonjun’s eyes. “I haven’t seen him in ten months..”, your voice is hushed, shameful even. And you were ashamed, ashamed of having any sort of connection to a man like that. 

The look your colleague gave you might as well have had you resigning on the spot. “Jesus christ”, he mumbles as he runs a hand through his hair, “I’ll take you off the case, we’ll find someone and─” 

“No!” 

The words leave your lips before you even have the chance to consider them. Why? You had no clue, but you knew that you wanted─ no, needed this case. Maybe it was only to satisfy your own curiosity or perhaps it was to gain some sort of closure. Either way you knew that this case could not go to someone else. It had to be you.

Straightening your back, you glance up at Yeonjun as your arms fall to your sides. “I’m confident that I can do this”, you state as you hold his gaze. The older man gives you a look of disbelief but your persistence eventually makes him cave as he sighs. 

“Alright, but if I notice that things are getting out of hand, you’re out”. 

You smile, “thank you”. Yeonjun nods, “well then, if you’re ready then go on back inside”. 

The silence as the doors close behind you to the interrogation room is deafening. Glancing down at the table you notice your coffee cup missing. Beomgyu turns said cup around in his hands as he studies it closely. 

“You like your coffee black”, he states as you sit down opposite him. Why would he remember that? Why did your stomach jump at the fact that he did remember such a detail? You push it aside as you look up to meet his gaze, “things change”, you say as reorganize the files in front of you. 

Beomgyu grins, “not you”. He leans forward as his cuffed hands rest on the table in front of him, “you look just the same”, he mumbles as he studies your face closer. You refuse to lean back, that would mean that you were scared, that you would let him win. And you wouldn’t, not this time. 

“Well luckily we’re not here to talk about me”, you give him a small smile and watch as he leans back in his chair with a small grunt. 

“Last night”, you begin as you glance down at the files once more, “you were at present at Park Baekhyun’s property between the hours of 10pm and 1am, what were you doing there?”. 

Beomgyu bites the inside of his cheek as he grins, “cleanin’ up a mess”. You raise an eyebrow as you question him further, “what kind of mess?”. He smirks, “well certainly not the ones we used to make”. You swallow as you try to dismiss anything he says. 

“What kind of mess was my question”, you repeat and Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “One of my employees messed up, he’s new, I don’t blame him”. His eyes flicker toward the glass window on one of the walls, certainly aware of the fact that Yeonjun was on the other side, even though he couldn’t see him. 

“You gotta go easy on the newbies”, he then adds as his eyes shift back toward you with a mischievous glint. “But you would know all about that, wouldn’t you?” he smirks as his tongue prods at the inside of his cheek. 

“I went easy on you the first time”. 

He didn’t. Perhaps that was why you remembered your first encounter with Beomgyu to this day. 

March 28th 2022 

“Oh come on, don’t be like that. Everyone will be there!”, your friend Kayla whines as she tugs at your arm. You shake your head, “no, everyone you know will be there”. Finally pulling yourself from her grasp you flop back down on your bed. “It’ll just be awkward to bring me along”, you mutter. 

Though your friend won’t have it. “Well if you’re not going then I’m not either”. The bed squeaks as she takes place beside you. The two of you stare up at the ceiling of your small apartment in silence for about thirty seconds before Kayla starts once again. 

“Pleaseeeeee”, she whines as she rolls over on her side to look at you. Giving you her best pout and puppy eyes you finally give in. “Fine, but you better not leave my side”. 

The first thing Kayla did was leave your side. Running off to wrap her arms around that no-good boyfriend of hers. You swallowed a gag. The club was hot, smelled like alcohol and sex, and was absolutely crowded. 

You instantly regretted coming here. You knew no one, and without your only friend, your introverted self could count on a lonely night. Quietly making your way over to the bar, you order yourself a drink in an attempt to drown your regret. 

As you sip on your drink, your eyes scan the dance floor after your friend. Though all you could make out were half naked bodies pressed against one another. You found your eyes wandering over to the small booths by the sides of the main floor. They were secluded, but far from private. 

Then your eyes fell on him. He wasn’t your type, at least you thought he wasn’t. Maybe it was the liquor, or the overwhelming sense of loneliness you felt that night. But when your eyes locked with his, you swear the two of you could’ve been the only people in the room. 

Sprawled out on the sofa to one of the booths, two of the prettiest girls draped over him, drink in his hand, mid conversation with one of the guys next to him, yet his eyes remained on yours. 

One of the girls plays with his long dark hair as she whispers into his ear. He smirks as he brings his drink to his lips, over the rim of the glass you catch the subtle wink he gives you. Your heart skipped a beat. 

It wasn’t like you weren’t used to getting hit on. Or even just subtly flirted with, but this, this felt different. This man was far from anything you had ever laid your eyes on, you felt intoxicated but you weren’t so sure that it was because of your drink. No, there was something about him. 

So you did the only reasonable thing, you winked back. 

The man’s smirk only widened as his free hand moved up the inner thigh of the other girl. She squirmed under his touch, emitting small giggles as she leaned in to kiss at his neck. He seemed to pay her little mind, eyes still trained on yours. 

No matter how badly you wanted to, you couldn’t pull your eyes away from him. He was so… “Don’t even think about it”, Kayla mutters as she appears next to you, causing you to jump in your seat. 

“What?” you question as you finally pull your gaze from the man and to your supposed friend. She rolls her eyes as she motions towards the man, “him”. “Don’t even think about starting anything with that man”. 

You frown, “I wasn’t…”─ “oh no but you were”, she cuts you off as she orders a drink of her own. “That man is no good”, she continues as she leans against the bar, “only uses girls for his own pleasure, you’ll get hurt”. 

You scoff, “what if I only seek pleasure”. Kayla frowns as she turns to look at you, “then I suggest you seek it elsewhere, he is no good”. Receiving her drink she takes a large swig and you set your own empty glass down. 

“How do you know about him?” Kayla had never even mentioned the man to you before and you were curious to know her history with him. Your friend shakes her head, “used to be close to this one girl, then one night she’s off with him”. 

Kayla sighs as she takes another sip of her drink, “next time I see her is two weeks later, drugged out of her mind”. Your eyes widened, Kayla had never even mentioned anything like this to you, perhaps you could understand why. 

She points her drink toward the man again. His hands roam the bodies of the girls who cling to his sides as they whisper sweet nothings into his ears. “That, is what that man will do to you”, she states as she downs the last of her drink. “Besides”, she shrugs, “I have never seen him with the same woman twice”. 

Setting her glass down, Kayla pulls herself from the bar, “I gotta get back to Jim”, she gives your cheek a quick peck, “call me when you’re ready to go home, yeah?”. She scurries off onto the dance floor before you have the chance to reply. 

Sighing, you return your attention to the bar as you order yourself another round. Whilst waiting on your drink you feel a hand on your shoulder. Startled, you turn your head to be met by an unfamiliar man. He gives you a polite smile as he introduces himself, “Hwan” .

You can’t help but smile back, “Y/n”, you say and when he asks to join you, you comply. Hwan takes the seat next to yours, “how come I haven’t seen you before, you new in town?”, he asks as he orders himself a drink. 

You shake your head, “no, just not a fan of clubs I suppose..”. The man nods, “I see, then I must’ve been real lucky to catch you here”, he grins and you giggle, “indeed”. 

“You here with a friend or boyfriend?”. “Just a friend, she sort of forced me along”, you say as you sip on your drink. “So no boyfriend then?”, he asks, leaning slightly closer. 

Just as you’re about to tell him no, a tall figure appears behind him. His presence makes the hair on the back of your head stand up. Hwan, inevitably notices the man as he turns around in his seat with a frown. 

“Can I help─”, he begins but is quickly cut short. 

“Scurry off”, the man who you’d locked eyes with previously says. Hwan glances between you and the man in a confused manner. When you don’t say anything he finally gets up as he gives you a small bow. 

The man from earlier clicks his tongue as he takes Hwan’s seat, quickly calling the bartender over, “I’ll have what she’s having”. 

A small silence falls over the two of you and you nervously grip your glass. What was going on? You had certainly seen the same man with two girls all over him not less than ten minutes ago. Why was he here? With you?

Sneaking a glance at him you find him already looking at you. His eyes study your face in an almost calculating way. Though he doesn’t say anything, the smirk that etches its way onto his face gives away that he likes what he sees. 

As he gets his drink, the metal rings on his fingers make a clinking sound against the glass. He takes a sip as he continues to study your face. You shift in your seat, feeling rather uncomfortable under his intense gaze. 

“Choi Beomgyu”, he then says. The name fit him, oddly enough. Perhaps it was a bad idea to give out your own name, a piece of you, to the man your friend had previously warned you about. But this man intrigued you, almost like a forbidden fruit that you know you shouldn’t eat. Yet you can’t help but wonder, could one bite be so bad? 

“Y/l/n, y/n”, you say as you set your glass down. Beomgyu’s smirk widens. “You come here often?”, he asks and you shake your head, “rarely”.  He hums against the rim of the glass, “you didn’t really strike me as the type anyway”. 

You can’t help but frown at his answer, “then what type is that?”. Beomgyu raises an eyebrow as he glances toward the dance floor, you follow his gaze. “Her”, he mutters, “and her, her, her and her”. 

You take in the appearance of the multiple half naked girls, pushing anything and everything they could onto the nearest stranger. Beomgyu’s eyes snap back to yours, under the blues and purple of the club, they glint in an almost starlike way. 

“But not you”, he states. 

“Not me”, you agree as you finish your drink. You look at him as you brush a strand of hair from your face, “then perhaps, you’re striding outside of your usual target group”. 

Beomgyu tilts his head, “I’m not opposed to trying new things”.  

Maybe it was the liquor, or the fact that Kayla had already warned you about him, or maybe it was the way his eyes drugged you stronger than any other substance could. But you found yourself wanting more, if he wasn’t opposed to trying new things, then who says you weren’t either?

And perhaps that was why you had let him lead you upstairs. Let him close the door behind you, sealing you away from the world. Let him push you back against the soft mattress of the foreign bed. 

And maybe, just maybe that was why you had let his hands wander. The same way they did those girls not even an hour earlier. The cold metal of his rings digging into your soft thighs as he pushes them apart. 

When his lips found your neck, they were soft. You had little expectations of the man currently between your legs, however, his lips being soft, had not been one of them. And he’s gentle, a lot more than you had expected. He takes his time exploring you, as if you were an exotic and foreign artifact. Something that he had never before come across. 

His large hand cups your face as he exhales, letting his warm breath fan your face. His thumb pulls your bottom lip down before he pushes it inside. Your tongue immediately wraps around it as your eyes lock with his. 

“You’re so pretty”, he murmurs as his free hand brushes through your hair. “Pretty like a doll”,  his eyes wander down your body. “Made out of porcelain, untainted and perfect”, he whispers as he pulls his thumb from your mouth. 

His now saliva coated thumb presses against your clit in a menacing way as you squirm beneath him. “And such a pretty pussy too”, he groans as he leans down to ghost his lips over where you need him the most. 

His tongue drags between your folds, drawing moans and whines from you as you grip onto the bed sheets. As his tongue dwells deeper, Beomgyu uses his hands to roughly massage and grope your thighs, making sure to leave you blue and purple. 

Occasionally inhaling before diving right back at your cunt, his nose stimulating your clit just enough to have you see stars but never a shooting one. Beomgyu groans between your legs at the sheer taste of you. 

“Need more”, he grunts as he pulls you closer to his face. “You’ll give me more, won’t you dollface?” 

You nod furiously as your thighs close around his head. Finishing all over his face with a small cry as you grip the bed sheets enough to cause ripping. 

As your orgasm fades and all that is left are your trembling legs, Beomgyu finally pulls himself from your cunt. Nose, lips and chin coated in all of you. His dark eyes find yours as he smirks, “I like you dollface”, he states. 

“I’ll keep you”. 

And that was, exactly, how you became infatuated with Choi Beomgyu.

A/N ─ EEEK, it's finally out!!! please please please drop some feedback I would love to hear your opinions >.< also this Beomgyu is such a 180 degree turn from pretty princess Beomgyu so it's been a little challenging to write but I am loving it so far!!

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[dufferpuffer]

In continuation of the 'pillow prince/ss/' topic.. Snape sex hcs? I remember you said it's basically impossible to drag him into bed but I'D TRY.

You're just spoiling me, aren'tcha? First Remus now Sev... Severus Snape is devoted to duty. Its the only thing holding him together. How often does he even go to bed…? A full-time teacher, a spy, a death eater, Dumbledore's dark little knight - He probably considers the time he spends marking 'rest enough'.

His self-esteem is dead. So dead he has come to terms with its corpse and uses it as protection. He's been teased his entire life for his looks. By his parents, by his schoolmates, by his teachers, by his cult, by his students... He's proud of how it has hardened him. It's become part of his ego: He's heard it all before - and now the words run off his oily feathers like raindrops.

Having someone say they think him anything less than hideous? Baffling. But while Remus would become a flustered mess... I think Severus would stages-of-grief it. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression… Because his romantic, affectionate side is also a corpse. It died alongside his best friend and he's spent the last decade-and-a-half making sure it stays buried.

To bring it back? That will take a stubborn dedication that rivals his. It takes grit and damn near necromancy. He will fight back, too - because to raise it from the dead is to raise Lily along with it. That is the greatest hurdle: Best friend or love of his life - either way she was the only person he has been affectionate with. He will need to digest that. He hasn't worked through his grief yet, because it is a difficult thing to work through alone. …but he CAN reach Acceptance.

One step, one stage at a time - peeling down each layer of his onion, like an ogre... Things move slowly with Severus - and in the opposite order you might expect. I guess I will go through what a relationship would be like with Severus, in a sorta dot-point fanfic format:

First note: He is allergic to showing weakness - and what he considers a weakness can be... strange. Indulgence. Emotions, affection, touch, company - he has no time for that garbage. He is in control of himself, of his body, of his feelings, of his life. Meticulous, complete control. This man 'tops' exclusively**

He is ashamed of masturbation. It means he has lost control of his emotions - and it grinds against his ego like sandpaper. He almost never does it. Thinking about anyone in particular when doing it is an insult to them - and he hates feeling guilty. He keeps it simple and almost self-harmingly dry. He has more important things to be doing with his time than engaging with this weakness…

You make your interest in him clear. He goes through everything - he belittles and denies your feelings, he gets angry with you for bothering him, he asks you to stop saying such nonsense... and he gets frustrated that even when you've finally shut up, he is STILL dwelling on it. He spends so long just tossing things up, sorting through his grief, imagining it... so, SO sick of jerking off… …when the dam bursts - he fucks. If he is going to be spending all this time obsessing over these stupid feelings he may as well get something out of it. Only sex, though. Sex he is in control of. Clothes on, greedy, not pretty, not nice. 'Thats what you wanted from me, yes? Well you've gotten it. Happy?!?' ((He does not expect the answer to be 'yes'.))

He thinks one time was too many, and did it only to take it off his mind - and to stop having you bother him about it. But it is easier for you to get him to do it a second time. And then a third... fourth... The more times it happens - and nothing embarrassing or bad follows... well, if he has done it once, he may as well do it more, right…? You are evidently trustworthy. '…You may come to my chambers IF I call - at no other times. I am too busy to play silly games.' A casual physical relationship - to solve a problem of distraction and concentration. That's all.

He does start to call. Occasionally at first - and every time he almost shows surprise that you actually turn up. But he gets less and less surprised... and starts getting more and more needy. 'You're late. I sent for you half an hour ago. Do you think I am made of time?!' He doesn't even realize how needy he sounds, because this activity is now ingrained in his routine. He is used to it. And because he is used to it: He touches more. More clothes come off. But never his own. He has gone from 'hands-on-waist' fucking to caressing your naked body - slow rolls of his hips, making his own breathe shudder, enjoying every sensation.

One day his summons aren't replied to. At first he angry. How dare you. How DARE you waste his time!? The next time they are alone he snaps at you bitterly. 'Finally tired of me? Got your fill? Met a better man?' When the response is more along the lines of 'I was a bit ill' or 'I was out'... he realizes he has shown far too much of his hand. How embarrassing. He is speechless at his own foolishness. He showed an inch of vulnerability and expects to be raked through the coals for it. ...What he doesn't expect is acceptance, tenderness and respect.

He had forgotten that he wasn't the one to initiate this arrangement - that he was wanted. Desired. In his mind he had taken control: Everything happened when he wanted, where he wanted and in whichever way he wished. To be touched in a friendly way? To he apologized to - for being made to worry? To have make-up sex offered…? '…Yes. Alright.' Its the next layer peeled off. He starts listening to offers, enjoying being asked instead of being answered. It's still a casual affair - and yet seeing them talk to other people no longer makes his hackles raise in concern for his secrets. Running into them in the morning no longer makes his skin crawl with shame and embarrassment for the night before. He feels excited when they pay a visit in the midday, offering an impromptu meeting. It is oddly... comfortable.

Of course it can't always be sex in the midday. It is too much effort, takes too much time, energy and clean-up. It suits him fine when you jump on the chance to put him in your mouth. At first he is a little taken-aback - but it feels nice. He says nothing other than contented hums, but as you get better he groans and arcs his back a little. He doesn't care what happens when he finishes - swallow or not, as long as it is not a mess for him to clean up. …Well, he tries to be that callous about it… but it doesn't last long. There is a tenderness to the act he can't deny. It isn't the mutual-benefit fucking. This is a gift for him to enjoy. That realization settles and festers in him. It creates a soft feeling he doesn't recognize... and a desire not to owe you anything.

So, without much fanfare: he reciprocates. He gets you on his seat, or on his desk, and gets down on his knees... He is a little nervous about it - when was the last time he did this, if ever…? - But he has no need to be. He is a god with his mouth. It's his attention to detail. His devotion to getting things done thoroughly and properly - even this. What starts as an embarrassing action from the weakness of his heart turns into a strong pleasure for him. He LOVES oral. It isn't him losing control: it's him gaining it. Even when his hair is gripped and yanked, even if he is pulled close and suffocated a little on you - HE is making that happen. HE is making you do that. He never expected this to make him so happy, so hot. He never expected to undo the buttons of his high collar so his neck could move more easily, to unbutton and fold up his right sleeve so he could get his hands messy... To have enough fun to start saying some truly dirty things… 'That good, is it~?' 'My-! How delicate you are today!' 'Stop squirming. Too sensitive…? Just grit your teeth and bear it.' ...and he didn't expect to not be laughed at for such things.

He certainly didn't expect to get so into it that he kissed you to shut you up as you came. A shock to both of you… another wall crumbled. Turns out he likes that too. He starts initiating sexual activity with a kiss. He prefers kissing to talking. It is succinct and expressive. Walk into his office: as soon as the door is shut your back is pressed against it, wrists in his hands, his mouth against yours. If he starts losing control of the kiss he gently bites your lip, dragging his teeth along it teasingly. Your tongue invades his mouth before he has a chance to do it first: he just about shoves your hands into his robes, tearing into your clothes... This man lives for kissing now.

But he still doesn't realize this is more than casual, that this is something he needs… Until you chat. Its a quiet moment. You comment on the parchments rolled at the edge of his desk. 'Oh - that is just my own research into the effects of aconite. I had to work with it extensively a few years ago.' You take an interest, and he starts regaling deeper and deeper into his studies: how poorly documented others' research is; how it reacts to other ingredients; how modern brewing processes can draw so much more out of it - 'you know, the plant is often just passed off as toxic when even basic purification charms are enough to-' ...He is blabbering. On and on about a dull topic nobody cares about… yet you are listening. His jaw drops a little. He realizes that, for the first time in two decades, someone cares. Someone truly cares. About HIM. His thoughts, his interests... He never thought he could have this again. He didn't think that for the sex, either - but sex, compared to this, was easy to procure. He wants to kiss you again. But not for lust this time.

Suddenly it doesn't feel so embarrassing to allow his eyes to become wet, to draw a shuddering breathe as he builds the courage - of which he has masses of - to say something important: '…I am afraid I have come to love you.' It is a terrifying thing to say, but he has never once shied away from saying what is important, even if it results in pain. And yet this time, for once… he feels like he can trust that it wont.

** Many times later, he is laying down as his shirt gets unbuttoned, his collarbone kissed... He doesn't feel ashamed, even as he gently strokes his own dick, encouraging it to harden. He pulls his arms from his shirt sleeves, fearless of his dark mark being exposed. For once work is at the back of his mind as he allows himself to be pushed back down to into the pillows, chuckling as he is told: 'Shh… just lay still darling… I'll take care of you tonight…' ...And he does. Control well out of his hands and a smile on his face.

#severus snape #hp #headcannons

[jadeneppy]

,

#sometines it really hurts #when i wake up from a dream about my ex and me #theyre always different some are our real life selfs others are versions of us that are just feelings. #like todays i woke up and just felt like shit. we were goin on adventures ot smthin #it makes me think back on the dream i had when i had to leave them. my last day together with them. i dreamt we went our separate ways #and i hated that dream so much i literally woke up sobbing but they were still asleep and i hugs and kissed them more #i missed them so much when i slept and now all those versions never fucking lesve me i hste having dreams of them. i said i was done #but 7 years of loving someone doesn't just end even now i dont know whst i feel #being back in my old room brings up memories id rather forget. i hste crying i hste how much i cried to them #i hate how i almost ended my life over them. its so hard to think that someone so important to me just left and didn't tell me why #left me to suffer. i honestly think.. if they didn't tell me not to kill or hurt myself after our first break up i wouldn't be here #and thats such a hard truth. thst i literally would have ended myself sooner if they didn't make me promise not to do anything #everytime i wake up from a dream with them i still think back to when we started talking again saying we both had a dream of being together #and so every time i do dream of them i think. and honestly it kinda scares me. that they might try to reach out. for good or bad #it scares me it gives me so mych anxiety because i do still love them. not romanticly but i loved them so much before that i hold something #something that id call love i cherished them they were all id ever talk about and when we broke up i felt like a shell. #i questioned our whole relationship. anytime i saw someone who looked like them it gave me panic attacks i had really bad ptsd #i wanna throe up #i just finished crying #it reminds me of my terrible breakdown where i couldn't stop shaking and almost fell down the stairs #you were stalking my blog then. checking my tag and were seeing it live #seeing me have an active panic attack and i always wondered if you were saying `good i hope you suffer` because i never thought the same #i got angry about how it happened but never i hope you die never i hope you suffer. i miss when we were on good terms #but its been a week and gabe hasn't come back so i hope you guys please lesve me alone #im tired of feeling something for you whether it be sadness fondness or just anger i want you to move on from me #you guys have each other and im nit romantically involved with anyone tho i love my friends so much and i would do anything for them #anyways msybe in just so tried from work and emotionally exhausted thst i started spilli g out shit #nzzt

[jyoongim]

Based on ep 5 

ALASTOR

ALASTOR

BARKK BARK AOOOGAAA

Love a caring, defensive, sadistic, cannibilistic daddy demon

Title: Acts of service

Themes: slight submissive y/n, protective, blood, demon form, fluff, relationship dynamic, implied married couple, human life mentioned

Alastor can take a lot of shit…but even he has a breaking point….

(hehehehehehe)

Charlie’s hotel was not making the progress she wanted and so one day she shocked everyone with four words;

“My dad is coming”

The hotel was in a state of frenzy.

Everyone seemed excited to meet the King of Hell.

For once everyone was on one page and getting the place in tip top shape.

You had finally calmed Charlie down from her nth breakdown and had started primping yourself for the big man’s visit.

“Honestly its about time Luci showed his bright ass around here” you said as you patted some blush on.

Alastor was standing in the corner of your bedroom; oozing darkness menacingly.

He had been rather quiet and for once not making a fuss.

You almost smirked, whether or not he admits it

He adored Charlie 

And HATED being bested in anything.

“Youre glowering dear” you say as you finish applying your flawless makeup.

“I just dont see what all the hoopla is about. So what if the Morningstar is coming…its just charlie’s dad” Alastor grumbled in a rant.

You giggled “Yea but this is important to Charlie so no funny business mister”

His big smile tightened and his eyes narrowed “no promises”

You and Charlie greeted Lucifer

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!”

He damned near choked Charlie in a bear hug before turning to you

“Long time no see Sis” you hummed and gave him a big squeeze, but not before hissing lowly in his ear “do not fuck this up Luci”

He swallowed and you grinned before walking to stand by Alastor.

You nudged him towards Lucifer and reluctantly he introduced himself.

“Alastor sir pleasure to put a face to the name”

Lucifer shot you a look before eyeing Alastor suspiciously

“Uuuhh and you are?”

Alastor eye twitched “i’m the host of the hotel…you might know me from my radio broadcast hmm?”

Lucifer shrugged “nope guess thats why Charlie named it the HAZbin hotel”

You facepalmed and charlie was visibly getting nervous as you could literally see Alastor’s ego flare

“HA HA HA actually i came up with that”

“Ha Ha Ha well it wasnt very clever!”

They were in each other faces now

Alastor growled “ha ha HA fuck you”

You interjected, getting between the two, mostly Alastor

 “Boys Boys reign it in PLEASE” you threw a look at Alastor, who straightened his suit.

You sighed and turned your attention to Charlie 

“Dear why dont you tell your dad the whole point of your hotel” you gave a tense smile.

“Y/n is right dad! Alastor here has been tremendous help with the hotel…i wouldnt have made it this far without him” lucifer made a face.

You could see the wheels turning in Alastor’s head

He was up to no good.

“Yeeeeessss we are all very proud of Charlie. I am honored to fulfill any wish this lovely young lady has” 

He hugged Charlie and it took all of your willpower to not laugh at Lucifer’s annoyed look.

You giggled as he completely ignored Alastor and in turn to the others.

Charlie introduced her girlfriend and you could literally see his shoulders ease.

“OH thank Hell youre a lesbian! Cool cool i totally approve of THIS!”

Lucifer went on to give luxurious suggestions to Charlie, which Alastor shot down.

You sighed lovingly at Alastor’s antics.

He might have been the big bad Radio Demon, but he really was a softie when he wanted to be.

Definitely would have made a great dad…

You blushed at the thought.

Lucifer and Alastor were currently bickering with each other about who was the better father figure.

When suddenly the door flew open and a short, voluptuous, 1920 styled woman bursted in.

Your eyes widened “Mimzy?”

She squealed and embraced you in a tight hug, you kissed each other’s cheeks in greeting

“Ooooh y/n darling how you’ve been? Its been too long” she asked.

You grinned and gave a shrug “ooh it hasnt been that long has it?”

She greeted Alastor and gave you an astonished look “Y/n darling you still with dollface here?” you felt everyone eyes shift to you and you felt your eye twitch a bit but said nothing.

She begged to have you chat with her but you told her youll catch up her later, as you were helping Charlie and Alastor with Lucifer.

Not many people knew what your relationship with Alastor, hell not many people knew about Alastor life in general.

And you kind of liked to keep it that way but Mimzy was a talker if you ever saw one.

But Mimzy was not was one to just show up just out of nowhere…

She wanted something

You and Alaster were trailing behind Charlie as she explained the purpose of the hotel when Husker appeared to the two of you, addressing Alastor

“Boss a word with you” you quirked a brow when Alastor kindly shooed you off to have his discussion. You walked a bit aways before morphing into the wall and listened in on their conversation

“What is it?”

“You and I both know that Mimzy only pops her ass up when she needs somethin, that bitch is trouble and who knows what kind of shit she got into to come running to you”

True. 

“Dont worry so much Husker, its nothing i cant handle, besides who in their right mind would cross me?” 

“I mean…youve been gone a while and it aint like no one knows why-”

He was cut off

“And they dont need to know” that sharp smile was tight

Alastor patted Husker’s head condescendingly; like a pet.

Husker shoved his hand away angrily.

“Big talk for someone who’s also on a leash”

You saw Alastor glitch, eyes turning to black and glowing dials

Uh oh.

“What did you say?”

Your eyes widened as contract chains shot out at Husker, wrapping around his neck

Alastor was menacingly toying with the chain as he growled

“If you ever say that again i will tear your soul apart and broadcast your screams for every disrespectful wretch WHO DARES TO QUESTION ME!”

Husker was shaking like a leaf and you were stunned; Alastor rarely ever lost his composure.

When Alastor disappeared down the hall you morphed to Husker to ease his nerves

“Oh Husker are you ok?” you asked as you tried soothed his nerves.

He shook it off (not really) and grumbled “fucking asshole”

You headed back to the lobby with Husker when a loud BAM was heard.

What the fuck?

“Mimizy you skank c’mon out here!”

You see Mimzy hide behind the bar and raise a eyebrow.

You frown, going to heave her over the counter

“Mimzy care to enlighten me about what the actual fuck is that” 

She sweatdropped “i-i may or may not have borrowed some money from a loan shark”

Your frown deepened “how. Much. money?”

“O-o fifty…grand”

You hissed.

The hotel was shaking and was being heavily damaged

You pulled charlie out of the way as some debris fell from the ceiling and hissed at Lucifer “arent you gonna do something!?”

He was trying to make this a life lesson and now was NOT the time.

You growled and went to march right outside to give those goons a piece of your mind when a clawed hand settled on your shoulder.

“Dont worry dear ill handle this”

“But Alastor…”

His smile turned wild “its about time i reminded everyone why i am here…a reminder to not fuck with the Radio Demon!”

He transformed. Antlers out and black tentacles flaring.

You watch him grow big in size and rip the gangsters apart, eating a few.

You smiled wickedy, hells he was hot

After he had his fun he shrunk back to normal and you launched yourself at him

Lovingly you purred into his neck “you ok now?”

He grinned, nuzzling you “i missed blowing off some steam”

Mimzy approached the two of you and you frowned, opening your mouth to say something but Alastor beat you to it

“I think you should go Mimzy. Now”

She was shocked. Usually Alastor let her off the hook and it was you who normally told people off.

“Y-you cant be serious…”

His eyes narrowed “I mean it. You brought danger to this place just for me to clean up your mess. I wont allow that here”

He was putting his foot down. You leaned into him, happy.

You flashed her a sharp grin “i agree Mimzy, you should go”

She blinked “you backing up your hubby over ya own friend? y/n!”

She hissed at Alastor “you think i dont know you? You cant really give a shit about this place”

You crossed your arms, giving her a pointed look, hissing as you felt your eyes glow in anger “leave Mimzy. While i’m the one being nice”

She huffed and turned to leave, but not before flipping you both off.

You relaxed and turned to Alastor, who was looking smug.

Tugging on his bowtie you craned his neck to your level, purring

 “Bedroom now dear”

His ears perked and his smile grew wider “feeling big emotions doll?”

“Ooh you have no idea”

With a flick of your hand the hotel was restored and you were whisking the lanky red demon upstairs to blow off some steam of your own

….

extra:

"what y/n and Alastor are married?!"

charlie blinked "yea i thought you guys knew that"

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

#hazbin alastor #alastor the radio demon #radio demon #alastor x reader #alastor #hazbin hotel

[verstappen-cult]

gonna take up on the request opening bc i love these lil blurbs you do with your moodboards! maybe "how they defend you online" esp charles and lando but if you feel like adding others its up to you !!

THE BOYS DEFENDING YOU FROM ONLINE HATE | F1 GRID

★ — LANDO NORRIS (4)

lando was streaming when you came home one day. once he heard the front door being closed and then your footsteps, he excused himself with his friends and viewers and went to greet you. when he came back, there were several texts from his friends letting him know of some not-so-friendly comments about you. suddenly, lando had something else to do and ended the whole thing. he did not tell you anything, lando simply waited until his next stream for what he wanted to do. it was very simple and definitely something lando would do; and staring right into the camera lando let the world know that if they don’t support his relationship, then he just doesn’t want their support at all. from then on, lando just blocked everyone who didn’t have anything good to say. you’re the most important person in his life, how can anyone hate you? and so, lando made a promise to himself: show the world the amazing girl you are.

★ — CHARLES LECLERC (16)

even way before you started dating charles, receiving hateful comments and messages was a common occurrence. of course your boyfriend knew about it, everyone could see what was happening just by choosing a random picture on your instagram and reading the replies. it was sad, awful. but you didn’t want charles to do anything, you stopped him a lot of times because you didn’t want to bring too much attention into the whole thing. charles loves you and that is all that matters to you. it was, well, okay… until things became a little to real, a little too much, and charles couldn’t sit back and do nothing. so with a little bit of help from his team, he managed to write a very good and long statement about the whole thing. there were mixed opinions but things quiet down a little. and you weren’t happy at first, but something as simple as seeing your comment section hate-free made you forgive him sooner.

★ — OSCAR PIASTRI (81)

oscar is a man of very few words and never engages in online drama or gossip. if and when he’s online, oscar just wants to see cute and funny videos. he’s a formula one driver and people should only be interested in that part of his life, but he knows that will never be the case. however, he’s still surprised to see various comments around twitter about you. they are not about how beautiful or intelligent you are or how happy you seem to make oscar with your pretty smile and sense of humor – not that they would know that. not that they deserve to know that, either. some part of him wants to reply to those people who definitely don’t know you, he’s angry, disgusted. and the rational part of him tells him to simply don’t say anything because they don’t deserve it. so, oscar just clicks to make a new tweet and begins with a simple phrase “you don’t know anything about me or my life…” and so on. maybe he sounded a little harsh, maybe things will get worse; he couldn’t care less, as long as you’re not mad with him, he can live with being the center of the drama. oscar will never let anyone disrespect you.

★ — MAX VERSTAPPEN (33/1)

max doesn’t care what people think and have to say about him, that ship has sailed a long time ago. but he can’t ignore when people say mean things about you, he just can’t, so, he doesn’t. max replies to every single tweet and comment on both his and your instagram that he sees, he goes directly to the point and if he’s mean then, who cares? maybe it’s a little bit childish but he doesn’t care, max will not allow anyone to talk shit about his girl. and if he needs to make a video or do an interview or whatever he needs to do to make people understand that you are part of his life and forever will be, then he will be more than happy to do them. max is almost never online, so when all of this happens he makes sure to make time to be online, to post a picture of you on his instagram story, to post a photo of your vacation together on his feed, to say how much he loves you via twitter, to mention you when he has the chance during an interview. he loves making you blush and seeing you trying to hide your smile when you see all those things. max also loves pissing people off.

★ — ALEX ALBON (23)

alex tries to be friendly. when he sees someone say something not good about his girlfriend, he doesn’t hesitate to prove them wrong and defend you. he knows you’re more than capable of doing it and has seen you doing it before; he loves it. but there’s this something inside of him trying to break free and just let everyone know the funny, pretty, amazing, kind girl he’s lucky to call his girlfriend. so, alex lets it free and goes liking, retweeting and replying to every single comment about you and how shiny and nice your hair is, how you seem to make alex so happy and how he’s always smiling around you (he makes sure to let them know why is that), how lucky alex is to have you by his side, and so on and on and on until there’s nothing more for him, until he can’t think about the mean things people said, until you are laughing next to him and calling him obsessed and kissing him like your life depends on it.

★ — DANIEL RICCIARDO (3)

daniel chooses a catchy song and changes some of the lyrics, then sets his phone down and sits with a big smile and his guitar. when the video starts, he simply says “this is dedicated to all of the assholes thinking that is okay to hate on someone’s girlfriend just because.” and then he starts singing. there are a lot of bad words and cursing and long pauses looking directly into the camera without losing that big and pretty smile he has. daniel then uploads the video to all his platforms with a little paragraph about why bullying is bad and why you should mind your own business because he’s not that interesting anyway and it won’t make him break up with you because some trolls are practically begging him to. he ends up getting in trouble for not consulting with his team before doing what he did, something that has him going viral, so viral that people outside of formula one and people who don’t even who he is talk about it. exactly what he wanted.

★ — MICK SCHUMACHER (47)

the moment mick has to hold you in his arms as you cry because you’d read something mean about you, it’s the exact moment he decides to do something about it. he doesn’t want to cause drama or make things worse, so, it takes him a little while and some long calls with his sister to know what to do. mick puts the poetry classes you two take a few months ago to good use and writes the most beautiful and romantic poem you and everyone would ever read. it is about you, about his love for you, about what you mean to him and everything he likes about you. he posts a little phrase to his instagram stories and sets a time and day for when it will be posted it. when the day cames and you get to read it, you end up crying again but for a whole different reason. it’s not that you didn’t know mick loved you but it’s the gesture, the time he spent doing it, the fact that he wanted to do it and wanted the whole world to read his love letter to you, something that will forever be there.

© VERSTAPPEN-CULT ⎯ do not repost, translate, plagiarise or claim any of my works as your own.

#꒰꒰ 📁 ─ verstappen cult files ꒱꒱ #f1 grid x reader #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #max verstappen x reader #f1 x reader #charles leclerc fluff #max verstappen fluff #f1 fanfic #oscar piastri x reader #lando norris x reader #lando norris fluff #f1 imagine #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo blurb #alex albon x reader #mick schumacher x you #alex albon imagine #oscar piastri fanfic

[chitra111goddess]

Vedic astrology notes

Based on my own experiences

• shravana girlies are loved by other women and the type to attract both genders. Their femininity is strongly felt 🎀

• anuradha is strongly associated with spiders , spiders become mostly significant for them when they're conquering their fears and owning their power 🕷

• bharani women make rly good leaders as they seem grounded but also people tend to look up to them. Venus energy is elite ✨️

• tiger yonis (chitra/vishaka) are fierceee badass bitches they can come off as Intimidating but ppl can't help but notice them 🐆

• vishaka women start out as "good girls" from a young age but the more society or people try to control them they bottle it up and then lash out or spiral out of control at one point becoming destructive, these women grow more into themselves later as they find it important to be authentic and true to who they are , thats how they shine🌻

• ashlesha women can bring out the worst in someone like they really know how to push someone's buttons lol

• mrigashira women are very smart and intellectual they tend to follow their logic rather than their heart when it comes to relationships 💭 they also can keep secrets v well

• krittika women tend to have messy love lives with love triangles or cheating but they're also v attractive to the opposite sex

• revati women have 2 sides to them they're either badass from the outside and soft from the inside or they show their softness but internally they're badass and smarter than they led on

• jyestha women have so much sex appeal and they're not afraid to show it. They tend to have issues with other women whether its jealousy or competition but that doesn't take away from their success. Jyesthas end up being on top they make sure they win 🔥

• purva phalguni fr are sex freaks both men and women , but they can also channel all that sexual energy and passion into their creations which makes them very passionate and creative people overall

• shatabhisha women are so smart especially when it comes to getting info and secrets out of people but its mostly not for personal gains but for the highest good 👀

• can we talk about swati women and how they're strongly associated with cosmetics and beautification? 💄

• purva bhadrapada women hate being controlled or restricted especially when it comes to ideologies, concepts or beliefs. They don't like to be put in a box or labeled and would push against those barriers

Let me know if I should make more of these or if anything resonates

#vedic astro notes #astrology notes #nakshatras #nakshatra notes #vedic astrology #mrigashira #ashlesha #anuradha #jyestha #rohini #magha #swati #bharani #krittika #purva phalguni #chitra #vishaka #shravana #shatabhisha #revati #sidreal astrology #astro notes #claire nakti #purva bhadrapada #purva ashadha #jyotish

[lurkingshan]

Unknown Episode 6

Well, we wanted them to bring the pain, and my god did they do it. If you had any remaining doubt that this show knows exactly what it's doing with this story, this episode surely put it to rest. There were so many excellent scenes this week, and not all of them are strictly from the source material. I'm going to walk through the episode by favorite moments, because there is so much worthy of discussion here.

That first scene between Qian and Yuan, when Qian put his hand on Yuan's face and expressed his worry, was original to the show, and it got me right in the heart. It is exhausting to love someone you know won't love you back in the same way, and Yuan has been crumbling under the burden of trying to restrain his feelings while staying close to Qian. That Qian is both the source of his comfort and his agony makes it all so much harder, and Qian's blinders to Yuan's feelings means he is constantly making it worse for Yuan without meaning to.

I also loved the whole sequence at the H.O.T. party, from Yuan arriving sad and sick and vulnerable only to see Feng Ning getting cozy with his brother, to Qian knowing instantly that something was wrong with Yuan and becoming distracted, to Qian and Feng Ning's chat clearing up their relationship and the show allowing her to be awesome and not at all villainous about it, to Qian following Yuan into the backroom for the confrontation. It was a short sequence but it all built masterfully to the moment we've been waiting for since episode 1.

And what a scene that was. I loved that it began with Qian trying to care for Yuan like he always does. He is at a work event but he cannot focus on anything else until he knows Yuan is okay. But Yuan has hit his limit while his guard was down, and it all finally comes spilling out in the worst way possible. The emotions of this scene were perfect--Qian was truly shocked, deeply upset, and importantly, betrayed by Yuan crossing this boundary and imploding their relationship. And Yuan is also feeling upset and betrayed, because he has always counted on Qian to accept him no matter what, and in this moment, Qian failed him by rejecting him in a way he never has before. They are both clearly devastated to have this relationship ruined because for both of them, it is the most important one in their lives.

It's not surprising that Qian goes into full avoidance mode in the aftermath; he has no idea how to navigate his conflicting instincts. He doesn't want to reject Yuan and in fact it hurts him deeply to do so, but he can't accept him either. He's too shell shocked and angry to return to caretaking, but the guilt is clearly eating at him. So he hides, and finds a way to keep avoiding it by sending Yuan away. And this led to two more fantastic scenes, because this show cares about all its characters and the entire family unit, not just the two leads.

First, San Pang and Yuan. I love that despite making many mistakes and ultimately accelerating the implosion between the brothers, San Pang is not intentionally being malicious here. He is genuinely trying to help because he loves both Qian and Yuan, he doesn't want Qian to be hurt by Yuan's feelings, and he is clearly hoping Yuan can move on from it if he intervenes. Yuan knows this too, which is why he does not hate him despite his interference, and why he feels comfortable pushing San Pang to explain why his love for Qian is such a bad thing. I love that the show went here, and that San Pang couldn't come up with a logical reason why it's wrong. It just feels wrong to him, and isn't that the case with so much cultural taboo?

Second, I love this show so much for not forgetting Lili in all of this. Her increasing anxiety and fear at seeing her brothers' relationship fall apart without understanding why was so heartbreaking. This is her family, and she has had her own very rough childhood and survived parental abandonment too, and suddenly everything is blowing up and no one will explain it to her. Yuan clearly doesn't want to leave her anymore than he does Qian, but at this point he's not being left with much choice. And Qian is not in a headspace to offer her any explanation or comfort. I'm glad her pain was not overlooked.

The way this episode ended, with Yuan setting off for a lonely stint abroad, and Qian not even giving him a proper goodbye, was the final touch of heartbreak. Qian loves his brother so much, and I think he'll regret sending him away so coldly when he is finally able to process what happened here--he may already be starting to regret it, judging by the forlorn look on his face as he leaned in his doorway recalling their memories together. I was glad that at least he left Yuan a token to take with him; he can't face him right now, but he does care. Some time apart will likely do them some good, but in the meantime there will be a lot of loneliness in both their lives. This show hurts so good.

#unknown the series #taiwanese bl #shan shouts into the void

[chrysalind]

last chance

pairing: kuroo tetsurou/reader wc: 860 tags: pre-relationship, fluff, high school setting (third year), bad flirting, kuroo is really trying

"What'd you get for number 8?" Kuroo asks as he leans over you.

"Umm," you tilt your head and the golden light of the late afternoon sun flickers across your cheek. "I think I put down 1868 to 1912."

"Wait, seriously?" He claps his hand on his forehead. That's five questions he's probably got wrong now, not to mention he'd barely finished writing his second essay, meaning the maximum possible grade he could get is...

"I hate history," he grumbles, trying to redirect his train of thought from its depressing destination. "I'm never taking it in university."

You sigh ruefully. "I feel the same way about chemistry. The moment I walked out of yesterday's exam, every piece of knowledge about thermodynamics just—" you wave your hand near your temple, "—vanished."

"Bet you're glad I gave you my notes though, right?"

The train doors slide open and a crowd of students from another school shuffle in. His legs brush against yours as he tries to make more room around him.

"Only because I gave you my English notes," you counter dryly, moving your bookbag onto your lap as a freckled teen slides into the seat beside you. The small plastic Keroppi charm on its side swings erratically against your thigh.

"A more than fair trade," he reasons. "Especially since I was getting the highest mark in chem, while you were just below Takaichi in English."

"Takaichi's mom is from New Zealand," you reply, with a roll of your eyes. "He's been practically fluent since he was born. Plus, your handwriting sucks, so you get points taken off for that."

Kuroo snorts, but has no choice but to concede. After all, he can barely read his own notebooks from last semester.

He watches as the Tokyo cityscape rushes past, still thrumming with life, even as the sun dips low in the sky. It's hard to imagine an afternoon where he won't be packed into the subway at this time, with his loosened Nekoma uniform tie around his collar, and your occasional company on the afternoons he's able to catch you at the school entrance.

His short spell of mourning is interrupted by the announcer as the train pulls into a familiar station. You both exit onto the platform and make a beeline towards the escalators.

"I'm not staying in Tokyo," he says, as you're halfway through the barriers.

Keroppi's face smacks against your zipper as you pause. "Oh?"

"I'm going to Osaka," he continues, weaving through the crowd. You fall into step beside him and there's a second in which Kuroo thinks he's vastly overestimated his importance in your life.

"That's..." He watches as a crease forms between your brows. "I thought you were going to Tokodai."

"Nah," he says, re-adjusting the strap of his bag. "I think it'd be good to gain some independence, you know?"

"Right," you say, tucking your Suica away. The sound of the city fills in the quiet that follows as you step out of the station.

Truthfully, Kuroo had been hoping for something—anything—more than the pensive silence that now settles between the two of you as you both walk the last few blocks of your high school era. But as you round the corner, the weight of the moment only grows heavier.

From his peripheral vision, he can tell you're sulking with your lips turned down in a pout that you probably aren't even aware of. And even though you've never admitted it to anyone, he's not oblivious to the way you can barely hold his gaze for more than two seconds, or how you linger at the intersection when you part ways.

"You know," he says, as you both stand before a crosswalk, "this is probably your last chance."

Your eyes flash up at him.

"What do you mean?"

He straightens up.

"Your last chance to admit that you're in love with me," he blurts. He had meant for it to come out a bit smoother, maybe aiming for a kind of teasing tone, but something had gone horribly wrong in the last second. Embarrassingly, he feels his own cheeks grow hot at the boldness of his declaration.

The crosswalk indicator changes, but you're both frozen in place.

You blink, looking absolutely bewildered, and he begins to fear that he's broken you.

And then an odd sound emerges from your mouth—a short snicker, followed by an open burst of laughter. Your giggle seems to carry over the noise of the traffic around you and Kuroo tries very hard not to die right then and there.

Instead, he forces himself to laugh along. How could he have miscalculated so bad?

He's sure he'll remember this moment for many sleepless nights ahead.

"Don't worry," you say later with the world's most bemused smile, as you near his building. "It's not my last chance."

Kuroo works up the courage to look you in the eye.

"After all, I still have our graduation ceremony."

#haikyuu x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #from: linde

[gay-dorito-dust]

could you do asexual reader x Jason Todd headcanons?

I know this hdc won’t resonate for most in the ace community, cuz it’s a spectrum, but I hopes it at least resonates with some, even if it’s one person. That’s more enough for me. (Also sorry for the shit writing as usual)

Jason doesn’t mind that you’re asexual. You were still you at the end of the day, so he doesn’t understand why some people tend to make a big deal out of it.

It’s not like you being asexual was hurting anyone but he guessed that some people just harbour vast amounts of hate for things they don’t/refuse to understand bc they’ve been conditioned into thinking that it’s a bad thing.

Others are just cunts that Jason gladly beats the piss out of in your honour. (Acephobes plz die disrespectfully thanks)

He will not tolerate any sort of disrespect towards you and needless to say having a six foot something man who’s built like an absolute tank is enough to silence those types of people rather quickly.

He’s more then willing to do this for anyone that you knew who was ace, aro, or was in the LGBTQIA community in general, that he becomes a someone that a lot of them could come to when in need of help, or was just in need of a safe space.

He’s unbothered by it because as long as he’s helping someone in need, he’s more than willing to offer his shoulder for them to cry on.

(I just like the idea of Jason being a protector of LGBTQIA youths.)

After all he once took joy in beating the absolute piss out of a biphobe for Tim. Sure he may not have a great relationship with his siblings, but he’s not one to ignore when they’re being treated like shit for being who they were.

He respects your boundaries and will always ask whether or not it was okay for him to kiss you, to which you’d always have to tell him that it was more then okay for him to kiss you.

He understands that asexuality was a spectrum and would ask which part of the spectrum you were apart of, and acts in accordance to make sure that you’re more than comfortable in your relationship.

He’s always finding ways to constantly learn about asexuality and more. He’s even got a whole bookshelf dedicated to LGBTQIA history because he wants to better himself and do right by you and other people who look up to him to protect them. He takes that shit seriously.

He just loves you very much and wants you to feel as though you could tell him anything that’s bothering you and he’ll gladly bring you its head if you’d like just to prove it.

If you are okay with kisses and the like, be prepared to be swarmed by it at every possible opportunity with this teddy bear, for he will smother your face in kisses as he holds you against him, smiling upon hearing you laugh and poor attempts in pushing him away. It’s a highlight of his day because when you’re happy, he’s happy.

You don’t like sex? That’s okay! He’ll make you have Junk food dates with him where you stuff your faces either pizza with stuffed crust (you can eat it in reverse) and garlic bread and watch shitty movies as you cuddle on the couch.

You: you don’t think I’m broken?

Jason; no. Why, who’s told you that you were broken because it’s a bunch of bullshit. You’re the most important person in my life and I’d do just about anything for you, no matter how big or small it may seem because at the end of the day I want to see you happy. So listen to me sweetheart and listen good, you are not broken. You are perfection incarnate in my eyes, you are everything I could’ve hoped to have by my side for you’ve never judged me, so I don’t see why I should judge you for being your truest self. Thats a bit hypocritical don’t you think?

Jason: So don’t ever think you’re broken when you’re far from it, you are whole and you are more than enough. I don’t care if we have sex on occasion or not at all, your happiness is all I care about. I want you to be happy for the rest of our lives together because now I’ve got you I’m not letting you go. Ever. I couldn’t care less about anything else but when it concerns you, I’d move mountains to make things better for you. I love you chipmunk, please don’t ever feel like you’re broken when you’re so much more than that, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it.

#dc imagine #dc x reader #dc x you #dc fanfic #dc fic #dc comics x reader #dc x y/n #dc fanfiction #jason todd imagines #jason todd x reader #jason todd imagine #jason todd fluff #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #jason todd fic #jason todd x you #red hood x you #red hood imagine #red hood x reader #red hood imagines

[jungwnies]

syn ' safe for work a-z prompt for bf!changbin pairing ' gn!reader x bf!changbin

requested

a » affection - how affectionate are they?

is this seriously even a question?

changbin is seriously the most affection person ever???

he's so affectionate, showering you in his love every day and every second.

sweet little pecks whenever he has the chance

literally the biggest cuddle bug at night ???

you are his personal teddy bear fr

b » bonding - how often do they bond with you?

whenever he gets the chance to

if he's not doing schedules or if he's not on tour

he's going to bond with you

whether it's a date or a night in

he's going to find a way to bond with you

even if you guys know each other like the back of your hands

c » communication - do they keep in touch with you when they're away? how often do they set up a date for you two?

he's always in touch with you

because he's an android user 💔 i can't be like facetime

but definitely kakao call or something idk

maybe Skype??? jkjkjk LOL

but he doesn't set up dates often

but he does do small things for you

he makes you food

and he prefers having dates in the comfort of his home

e » essential - what is the thing that is important to them?

you?

literally you?

and his family!!!

and his members of course!!!

but you!!!

g » gross - what is the thing he hates in your relationship?

he hates when you guys argue

i mean it's usually you picking silly fights with him

but he just arguing because he loves you so much

and he refuses to raise his voice at you

cus absolutely not

i » intercourse - how are they in 6? (yk what i mean by 6)

you know he is good

he's very vanilla

missionary... stuff like that...

he just wants to feel close to you, and sex is a very special time for him

especially if its his first time with you

j » jealousy - how jealous do they get?

he's very jealous

he's not someone who takes action about it

but you can tell by his mood shift

k » kiss - how good are they at kissing?

he's good

his kisses are soft

like he doesn't want to hurt you

it's like every time he kisses you

it's like falling in love again

l » love - how do they show their love to you?

words of affirmation and physical touch

he will always tell you how much he loves you

and he will always cuddle up to you and kiss you

he's very physical

m » mad - how often do you argue?

not often because like i said

he hates it

but when you do argue

it doesn't last long

and you guys are quick to resolve it

n » naughty - how do they deal with you annoying them?

honestly if anything, it's the other way around

but when you annoy him he doesn't really think of it being annoyed

because he loves you

and he loves every part of you

even the annoying parts

but usually it's him always annoying you or bothering you, but not in a bad way

always in an endearing way

o » open - how often do they open up to you?

he tells you all of his secrets

literally the second he knows he trusts you

he tells you every little thing about him

his whole life story even

p » pet names - how are they with pet names?

just baby and babe

nothing cringey

might call you jagi

q » quiet - silent treatment?

he refuses to give you the silent treatment

i swear he can't go 5 minutes without talking to you fr

r » ramble - how often do they talk about you to others?

he doesn't stop

always seungmin telling him to shut up

he's just so in love with you

s » soft - how soft are they to you?

is this even a question

he's literally the softest

he's so sweet

my heart 💔

t » think - what reminds them of you?

everything

everything he looks at "this reminds me of you"

doesn't know why

it just does

u » unhappy - what makes them break if you break up with them?

the fact he has no one to kiss

no one to hug

no one to give his undying love to

you were for him

he's convinced that there is no one else for you

v » vacation - how are they with long distance relationships? (that had nothing to do with the word but i am running out of ideas)

he's not good with this

but he's so loyal

and he trusts you

so this won't break you guys

w » wholesome - the sweetest thing they ever did to you?

when he asked you to date him

he was so nervous

he had a whole speech

it was giving... engagement?

but it was the sweetest thing ever, swear

x » xtra headcanon

changbin has a smiled plastered on his face, you didn't really know why but when he got down on one knee you knew what was coming. he looked at you with the most endearing look on his face, like you were the only thing in the world. he grabbed the box from his pocket and opened it, "y/n, will you marry me?"

y » young and beautiful (how long does it last?)

forever

you're literally his ride or die

z » zzz - how do they sleep with you?

he cuddles you

he slight snores

it's kind of annoying

literally won't let you go

but it's okay since it's changbin

2022 © jungwnies

#stray kids reaction #stray kids scenario #stray kids imagine #changbin reaction #changbin scenario #changbin imagine #stray kids fluff #changbin fluff #skz x reader #skz fluff #skz scenarios #stray kids x reader #changbin #seo changbin smut #changbin hard thoughts #changbin hard hours #changbin imagines #changbin x reader #seo changbin drabbles #changbin smut #changbin scenarios #𐐪♡︎₊˚ ― jungwnies #𐐪♡︎₊˚ ― jungwnies #jungwnies #📥 — jungwnies

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

I just made myself a cup of a new tea, one from a set that a friend sent me. I was super curious to try it with and without milk in it, so after I take a sip without, I'm going to add milk to my tea.

That may seem like such an inane little story to post on a blog, unless you have an eating disorder. I'm sure many of you know what a big deal milk in tea can be, and what an important act of self-love it is.

It was poured into many of our ears, approaching teenhood in the mid-2000's, not to "drink our calories." For those of us whose restriction was weight-based, many of us practiced filling ourselves with water, with our coffee black and unsweetened whether that was how we liked it or not, and with tea that never contained milk.

Like many people who've struggled with binge eating and with restriction, I struggle with creating anxiety-inducing rules about when is okay to eat, especially if I'm between meals and worrying if I should allow myself a snack, or if it's okay to quench my thirst with anything other than water. This is especially true between meals. For some reason my brain has accepted the "extra" caloric intake as part of a meal, but still balks at the idea of introducing these things independently into non-meal parts of the day. I would like to note that my chronic illness and my body's reaction to food has also influenced this weird relationship between me and my favorite treats, such as a piece of candy, or a beverage that might happen to contain a greater-than-zero calorie count.

But tonight, before bed, I want to try this tea. And it sounds like one that'd be super tasty with milk, as it has cocoa powder and vanilla in the blend. So I let my tea cool in the room with me as I type this, telling myself that I can get up and go back for milk after I taste it.

Now I have gone to the kitchen.

Now I have poured in a splash of milk and tasted. It's soy milk, as regular milk sometimes hurts my stomach and I don't want my sleep to be disrupted. Due to my chronic illness, this is still something I have to think about, and I'll be honest, I hate it. Things like this make it so hard to tell myself I can let go of my food fears, because my brain knows that some of my food fears will turn out to have validity, and so what if they all do?

Now I have poured in another splash. Tasted.

Now I have poured in a third, much larger splash. Tasted.

Oh, this is it. This tea tastes like a warm dessert. But now it's too cool, so I need to microwave it back to its best heat. I used to not want to microwave my food. As a teen I heard a hippie say that microwaves destroy the nutrients in your food because the radiation breaks down their molecular structure. This is absolutely false. In fact, it's been disproven that microwaves break down nutrients any more than other methods of heating food, but for a long time I believed it. And even after I learned the truth, I still found it hard to convince myself it was okay to use microwaves for a very long time.

I have just finished my tea in my room. I took the time to identify that I wanted it. I took the time to truly taste it in several different ways, consider how I felt I wanted it and bring it to those specifications. It wasn't planned for any specific time or day, but I agreed to give myself this the way I wanted it anyway. I've been drinking my coffee with milk every morning, too. I actually like black coffee, but I like it better with milk. And I give myself things throughout the day that I enjoy, to enhance my experience of my existence. Life is hard, and it's okay to allow yourself, to the fullest extent you can, the small joys that bring you through the day.

I wanted to share this with you. I hope you don't feel the crushing weight of morality when staring at a bottle of regular soda and the sugar-free, when you wake up with your morning coffee, when your self-care regimen includes a cup of tea. I hope you practice actively giving yourself the love you need this week. And I hope you give it to yourself exactly the way you need it.

#recovery diaries #ed recovery #restriction recovery #self care #food cw #long post

[plutonianeris]

❝mars in the 6th house❞

This is how mars in the 6th house has manifested for me.

With my 6th house mars placement I tend to make my daily activities into games or challenges. In my head I’m always like okay let’s see how long it takes me to do xyz. It makes me feel accomplished to get stuff down.

The downside to all of that is the stress I put on my body. Sometimes I don’t know when to stop and I keep pushing through until I feel burned out. Over the years I have gotten better and reminding myself to slow down and be more mindful throughout out the day.

I have always had very high paced busy jobs. The couple times where I had a more low stakes, relaxed job I would start off thinking I was going to enjoy it and then I would hate it. It would just make the day drag on so long. I like feeling challenged and when I am busy the day goes by faster. When I was around 15 I got my first job at a restaurant and it would get extremely busy and chaotic as fuck and honestly I loved it. The dining room would get so full, people were chattering all the time and we would all be in the back running around like chickens with their heads cut off, bumping into each other. Some of my coworkers would get frustrated which is fair but honestly it felt like a game to me. I worked there until I was 19. I have a higher paying, more “professional” job now but to this day that was the most fun job I’ve had.

I have worked at many different places, but the posts that state mars in the 6th house will give you coworkers being jealous and trying to start shit are 100% right. In every job I have had there were coworkers that saw me as threat or would try to start shit with me. I once worked at a hospital when I was in college and the girls working with me (Who were 2-3 years actually older than me) were so hateful and weird. They would constantly be looking at me, gossiping (or straight up trying to argue) and one time one of them lied to the supervisor saying I was slacking off when I wasn’t (literally trying to sabotage my job).

A male coworker there at the time told me they were just hating. I do believe that they were because they were being weird and messy but I also think he was trying to flirt with me..

The rumors are true about your coworkers crushing on you with this placement. And vice versa for me as well at times. It has gone from flirting with coworkers to me actually sleeping with a coworker once. However those times it was never anything serious, more like in the moment things. 6th house placements really know what it means to have a work husband/ wife lol.

another thing about jobs, when people try to start shit it use to get me riled up and I would let people get under my skin (when I was younger). NOW, I laugh and even though it still makes me annoyed, it makes me feel even more motivated to be the best at what I am doing.

I am also quick to leave a job once it has run its course. I am not that emotional when it comes to leaving and starting over somewhere else.

I lose weight very fast. I don’t mean in the sense that I have high metabolism. I mean that if gain weight and I decide I want to lose it, I do simple workouts and in a relatively short time its gone. Its not an unhealthy or harmful way. It makes sense considering mars is action and speed and the 6th house is daily routines and my body and health. Honestly if you have this placement and you are stressing over meal plans or planning specific workouts, just do simple ones and walk more and it wont be as hard as you thought.

I do have a high libido, especially when I am in a relationship. Having a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship is important to me.

I don’t get sick very often and when I do, I fight it off in 1-3 days.

I can be very impulsive in my daily and routines, sometimes harshly. Like I might brush my hair very roughly without realizing or apply lotion onto my skin in a heedless manner. That is something that I did not like and I try to remind myself to treat my body with gentle hands.

My impulsive behavior was worse when I was kid. For example, if I could not get a necklace off of me or bracelet, it would make me so angry and kind of panicked, I would rip it off even if it meant it might break I didn’t care. Me doing what I wanted and feeling free mattered more than whatever I was wearing. This was however another thing I tried to improve on.

Growing up, in my daily routines people use to be mad aggressive towards me as well. Don’t get me wrong, I knew when I was annoying or pushing someones buttons, but the random spurts of anger at me would be very unwarranted.

I feel like at times I can be very guarded as well or tense. When I am angry, I feel it first in my chest and then my stomach will hurt. I don’t like getting worked up because although I can emotionally regulate, it still takes my body a while to calm down. When I was a teenager it would take a long ass time of me practically seething or cursing. Now after a couple deep breaths I’m good.

Mars is aggressive and the 6th house is my health and body and I have definitely taken my anger out on myself as well. My home life had always been very chaotic as a kid and I started self harming at 12 years old and then I stopped when I was around 17 years old.

On a more positive note, I love taking care of my body now. I would never treat it like my enemy or be so careless with myself like I use to. I like working out. I like feeling strong. And also theres a bonus of feeling hot as fuck when I am naked. When Megan thee stallion said, “ When I'm in the gym I think about bitches that I'm shitting on,” I really felt that 💋🔥

#astrology #mars in the 6th house #6th house #mars #personal astrology observation #astrology observations #astro observations #fire mars #mars in astrology #random astro #mars in capricorn #mars in virgo #mars in sagittarius #mars in aquarius

[midnightsnyx]

girl at home | mat barzal | part 6

pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader chapter summary: a new face threatens what you've started to build with mat and nora & you recieve some much needed advice from jax

warnings: angst, not edited, mentions of food, a sprinkle of fluff word count: 1.7k (sry its not longer i am trying my best lol) authors note: hi so it's been a month and change but i am finally able to present to you guys, part 6!! thank you for the continuous love on this story. your likes, reblogs & comments mean the WORLD to me!!! someone said nora needs to start a parent trap - don't worry, she's on it <3 quick important notes: the first bit in italics is a flashback. not sure if I will do many more of them. second, i have no idea how many more parts there will be to this series because i feel like i've barely scratched the surface of what can be done. and last, im sorry if your name is calista. enjoy and please don't hate me :)

requests are open. masterpost masterlist tag form askbox

It wasn’t often that you and Mat had time to yourselves. He was busy with school and hockey, and you had a lot going on so when the opportunity arose, you always made time for each other. Liana was at a sleepover and his parents were gone out for dinner with friends so the two of you had the house to yourselves for a few hours, which as teenagers, wasn’t often. His parents were always good about giving you and Mat space but you were still teenagers, after all. 

You were curled up together on his bed with some random movie playing in the background but you weren’t paying attention to it. You were thinking about graduation that was fast approaching and what the aftermath would look like. It wasn’t a surprise that the two of you would be going separate ways once you graduated high school. Although not set in stone, Mat was on his way to the National Hockey League to an unknown team. It wasn’t realistic for you to wait to see where he would end up and then figure something out for school. You had scholarships and your heart set on UBC, not quite yet ready to move too far from home. 

But Mat, well he could go anywhere. 

You’d toyed the idea of a long distance relationship in your head but you always ended up realizing that it wasn’t logical. Mat would probably be playing on a team thousands of miles away and you were going to be busy with university. Sure, there were holidays and summers but going from being basically attached at the hip to hardly seeing each other. 

“What’re you thinking ‘bout?” Mat suddenly mumbled. His hand had been rubbing your back but when it stopped, you thought he had fallen asleep. 

“Graduation,” you said and his body stiffened. The difference between the two of you was that you were an overthinker and a planner whereas Mat was a go with the flow type of person. He didn’t think about things until he had to. 

When he didn’t say anything, you peered up at him. He was frowning, staring at the ceiling in deep thought. You reached out to smoothen the wrinkle between his eyes and he looked down at you and smiled. 

“If I was selfish enough to ask you to come with me wherever I end up, would you say yes?” 

It was a theoretical question because you knew he would never be that selfish. Neither were you though, because you would never ask him to give up his dream. 

“No,” you admitted and his smile didn’t waver but something flickered in his eyes. 

***

As a general rule of thumb, you don’t introduce Nora to anyone you date until the three month mark. It isn’t something that you have to worry about often because most of the guys you meet run the second they find out you have a daughter. It doesn’t bother you most of the time; you have your family and friends, and Nora is your number one priority so if someone has a problem with you having a kid, they aren’t worth your time. 

So, it didn’t occur to you that it was a conversation you should have had with Mat. You thought that he had enough common sense not to bring the girl you recently learned that he’s casually seeing, to lunch with you and Nora. 

It takes all of your willpower to stay in your seat and not take Nora and leave when they sit across from you. Mat seems completely unfazed by the sudden tension in the room and it hurts on some level because he used to know you so well that if something was upsetting you, he always knew. 

But that was when you were kids.

You don’t get a chance to say anything because Nora gives the girl a onceover, and wrinkles her nose. 

“Who’s that?” She asks in such a bitter tone that you’re torn between scolding her or laughing. 

The girl, to her credit, doesn’t even blink an eye. She just offers her hand to Nora and introduces herself. 

“I’m Calista, and you must be Nora,” she says, still holding her hand out and waiting for your daughter to shake it. When she realizes that Nora is not going to respond, she quickly brings her hand back and lays them in her lap. Mat looks absolutely horrified, either by Nora’s behavior or the fact that you haven’t scolded her. He’s still not sure if he’s allowed to reprimand her when she acts out and often looks to you to be the bad guy. You’re enjoying this a little too much though, especially when he coughs and gestures to you.

“Cal, this is-”

“His baby mama,” you cut him off, smiling sweetly at her. He’s not getting off the hook for ambushing you, and sure, maybe it’s a little childish of you but you have heard the stories from Liana already and you know you won’t like this girl. 

“Um, nice to meet you,” she says awkwardly, but there’s something in her eyes that tells you she isn’t the innocent, sweet, new girlfriend of Mathew Barzal. There’s definitely a different personality hiding behind the curtain. 

“Have you guys ordered already?” Mat asks.

“No, we were waiting on you,” is your reply and you make sure to emphasize on the word you. He doesn’t humor you with a response, instead looking at the menu and asking Calista what she wants. 

Lunch goes about as terrible as you expected, with Nora acting out because of a new person suddenly joining the outings she was used to only being the three of you. She ignores Mat’s attempts at talking to her, opting to read a book she brought along and gives Calista the stink eye anytime she speaks. You’re fine with her wanting to ignore Calista, but you don’t want her relationship with Mat to suffer because of this, so towards the end of lunch, you excuse yourself to the washroom in hopes that she might talk to Mat if you step away. 

The only problem is that Calista decides to tag along with you, claiming she needs to wash her hands. You suspect there will be something more and your suspicions are proved true when you’re washing your hands and she walks up next to you. 

“The whole kid-trap thing is really cute,” she says, fixing her hair. “Just keep in mind that it’s me in his bed every night.” 

She doesn’t give you a chance to say anything before she quickly walks out of the restroom. You stand in shock for a moment, because you haven’t had a girl talk to you like that since high school. Liana wasn’t wrong when she told you there was something off about the new girl Mat was seeing, but this teenage-like attitude? This isn’t something that Nora is going to be around.

You storm out of the restroom, planning on taking Nora and leaving right away but you stop short when you see Mat and Nora talking. She’s giggling about something he must have said and the fondness and love in his eyes towards her is almost enough to make you stay but one look at Calista, reminds you why you were leaving in the first place. So, you walk over to the table, picking up Nora from her chair even though she’s capable of walking herself and tossing a twenty on the table. You don’t look at Mat before you leave, only calling out a goodbye over your shoulder. 

Nora doesn’t say anything until you’re buckling her seatbelt. 

“I didn’t like her,” she says casually.

“Yeah,” you agree. “Me neither.”

*** 

Mat blows up your phone with calls and texts but you ignore them. As soon as you left the restaurant, you planned on driving straight home and you knew that was where Mat would look first so instead you drove around aimlessly until you ended up in Jax’s driveway. Nora fell asleep about twenty minutes ago and you didn’t want to wake her, so you sent him a text to come out to your car. You watch as Jax comes out of his house and runs down the driveway in bare feet, climbing in your car and closing the door quietly. 

“It went that bad, huh?”

You’re quiet for a moment before leaning forward and resting your head on the steering wheel and taking a deep breath. 

“I feel like Mat and I are stuck in this constant cycle, you know?” you mutter quietly.. “Like, two steps forward and then five back. Everytime I think we’re making progress, something happens and I can’t help but wonder if I should have let him in her life at all. I’ve been a mom for 6 years, and Mat has only been a parent for a few weeks so the rational part of me knows I can’t be too hard on him, but I feel like we’re not making any progress and this is just going to end up bad, especially for Nora.”

Jax knows you well, and doesn’t say anything right away. He lets you say and feel your own thoughts out loud before giving his opinion. 

“Want me to sugarcoat anything?” he asks and you lift your head to look at him. Jax is looking at you with slight concern so you know he’s about to give you his exact thoughts. 

You shake your head and he sighs. 

“I think you still have feelings for Mat,” he says and when you open your mouth to cut him off, he stops you. “I’m not saying that you’re still in love with him, but you have something going on in your head that is creating chaos with the relationship you have with him now. You said he’s doing well with Nora, yeah?”

You nod, but don’t say anything. 

“If he’s doing well with Nora, you shouldn’t be having these doubts about if you should have let him in her life. You’re her mom, you know what’s best and if you really felt like it wasn’t working, you would have stopped it right away. You are the problem, whatever lingering feelings you are holding inside, you’ve got to figure them out.”

For a split second, you hate Jax. For a split second, you want to yell and scream and swear at him because he’s right.

“He has a girlfriend,” you whisper.

“Yeah,” Jax says. “Why are you upset about it?” 

You shrug. “I don’t know.”

He doesn’t say anything until you look at him. 

“I think you do,” he replies.

You hate that he’s right.

tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @barzyblogbabe @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @topguncultleader @shadowsndaisies @lovinbarzal @whatthepuckisgoingon @alilstressyandlotdepressy @teapartydreams @keiva1000 @hischiershoe @cavill83 @bellstwd @alwaysclassyeagle

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#hockey imagines #allies writing #nhl fanfiction #hockey fanfiction #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fic #mat barzal fanfiction #mat barzal x you #mat barzal x y/n

[beenbaanbuun]

Love Sick - Lee Chan

Words - 3.4k

Genre - fluff

Warnings - making out, Chan is sick, language, nudity but nothing really NSFW

You were in the shower when your phone started to ring, interrupting your impromptu karaoke session. Of course, you ignored it. It was one thing to stop your music for a few seconds, but pulling you away from your warm, way-too-long shower? That was too much. Besides, you were wet and your hair was still covered in shampoo suds. If they needed you that desperately, they’d surely ring you again. 

After a few seconds, the shrill ringing stopped, replaced by the sound of your favourite vocalist's voice once more. You began to sway, a smile finding its way onto your face as you danced to the beat of the song. You were just about to open your mouth and sing along, but before you got the chance, the song was cut off once more. 

You tried to peer over at your phone to see who it was that needed you so badly, but the glass surrounding you had fogged up, obscuring your vision of anything outside of the cubicle.

“This had better be worth it,” you grumbled as you yanked the door open and stepped into the much colder room. You ignored the puddle that formed under your feet as you stepped onto the tile. It was something you could clean up later after you were done chastising whoever it was that apparently needed you so badly. 

You read the name on the screen, your eyes rolling on instinct when you realised it was your oldest friend - and most annoying friend, for that matter - that was so desperate to get in touch. Knowing Seungkwan, it probably wasn’t anything important he was ringing you with. Probably just the latest drama that he’d heard through the grapevine and thought it to be of the utmost importance that you knew too. Usually, you loved to sit and gossip, but not when it was getting in the way of your morning routine. 

Still, you bit the bullet and answered, but before you could even say the word ‘hello’, Seungkwan had already started talking.

“Chan has a cold.” He said, cutting you off. 

“Huh?” 

“Chan. He’s sick.” Seungkwan repeated. 

“And what does that have to do with me?” You asked, trying to save face even though your heart was aching. You had to stay strong, you reminded yourself. 

“He’s your responsibility,” Seungkwan argued. 

“Since when?” 

“Since five months ago when you two finally decided that the rest of us had suffered your pining enough,” he sassed down the phone. You frowned, but you couldn’t exactly protest. Neither you nor Chan had been subtle with your feelings in the months leading up to him finally asking you to be his girlfriend. 

“Touché,” you grumbled, “but that still doesn’t make him my responsibility. There are 12 of you and one of me. Surely it makes more sense for you guys to take care of him.”

Seungkwan sighed on the other end. You were being annoying, and you knew that, but for a good reason. The last thing you wanted to do was to seem ‘overbearing’ - Chan’s words, not yours - and you couldn’t help but feel as though showing up to the dorms to take care of your boyfriend would be just that. It was only a cold, you told yourself, Chan would be fine without you. 

“Listen,” Seungkwan started. You could practically see the sympathetic smile on his face as he spoke. “Chan told me what happened. I understand why you’re trying to keep your distance right now. You’re hurt and you’re trying to give him the space he claims he wants, but I need you to ignore what he said. You’re usually so good at ignoring what people say.”

“Seungkwan, I can’t,” you fought back, ignoring the very blatant dig. 

“Yes, you can,” he practically growled at you, “Chan is sick because he hasn’t been taking care of himself. He’s been acting weird since you two argued and he keeps saying he’s just tired but we can all see right through him. He hates himself right now and he misses you so much, but he’s too stupid to do anything about it. If you want this relationship to work, you’re going to have to take the first step. If you prove to him that you’re still there, he’ll come crawling back with an apology.”

“I don’t need an apology,” you whined into the phone. “What I need is to not fuck up this relationship! Chan made his wishes very clear, and if he wants me to be around less then I will try my hardest to do that for him. Even if it is killing me.”

“It’s killing him too!” Seungkwan yelled down the line, trying to get his point across. He knew you were stubborn, but this really was taking the biscuit. “Whatever you think you’re doing, it ends now. Stop being childish and get over here.”

And with that, he hung up, leaving you with a war raging inside of your head. On one side, you wanted nothing more than to go and cuddle into his side and feed him soup until he was back to his regular, lively self. You wanted to dote on him and make him feel loved, but for some reason, you just couldn’t get the argument from only days before out of your head. He asked for space, and the last thing you wanted was to go against his wishes just because you couldn’t bear the thought of him being sick. You really didn’t think you could take it if he turned you away, especially when he needed someone to take care of him. It would break you, you were sure of it. 

But then Seungkwan came into your head. The lovely, irritating Seungkwan who made sure to tell you when you were being dumb, or taking things too literally. Who made sure to never send you down the wrong path or put your feelings in danger of being hurt. You trusted him over anyone else in the world, so if he said that Chan needed you, then your mind was already made up for you; you were going to see him.

Before you knew it you were outside of the dorm, dressed in some clothes that you frantically picked up from your bedroom floor and your hair still dripping wet from your shower. You looked a mess, but you felt worse. The constant conflict of emotions in your head had given you a headache, and the anxious stomach ache you had made you feel even worse. If you didn’t have a job to do, you probably would’ve turned around and gone home, taken yourself to bed and refused to come out again. Instead, you knocked on the door and tried your hardest to swallow down your nerves as you waited for it to be opened. 

It took a moment or two, but soon enough you were face to face with a disgruntled leader. Seungcheol looked even more tired than he usually did after a long morning of taking care of his members. Dark bags rested under his eyes as he sent you a smile that was soon cut off by a yawn. He must’ve had a rough night, you thought to yourself, and for a moment or two, you were glad that you were there to offer what little help you could. 

“Thank god you’re here,” he tugged you inside, shutting the door behind you. The first thing you noticed was how quiet the dorm was. Usually, there would be a never-ending stream of noise coming from every which direction, but today there was nothing but an eerie silence. “I’ve been up all night with Chan.” 

“Jesus,” you cursed. Seungkwan had said it was just a cold, but now you were wondering whether he’d just said that to keep you calm. “What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s sad,” the leader sighed, “has been since you stormed out the other night. It wasn’t so bad for a few days, he mainly just kept to himself in his room, but now he’s sick as well and all he wants is you. I kept telling him that you’d be here when he woke up, but he wouldn’t go to sleep without you and I couldn’t just leave him, not when he was as upset as he was. He passed out about an hour ago. It was pretty much when Seungkwan rang you and they all left for practice. I’ve been trying to stay awake to wait for you.”

Your heart sank. So Chan really did want you there. He wanted you there so badly that he had put Seungcheol through hell for a whole night. You felt bad for the guy, in all honesty, but you appreciated him taking care of your boyfriend. 

“How did you know I’d show?” 

“Oh, please,” he guffawed, “there was no way you weren’t going to run to Chan’s aid the moment you found out he was sick. You’re just as whipped as he is.”

“You’ve got me there,” you giggled as you set off in the direction of Chan’s room. “Go get some sleep, Cheol. You look old with those bags under your eyes.”

“Don’t be cheeky,” he jokingly scolded you, “You should respect your elders!”

“Bye Cheol!”

You stood outside of Chan’s bedroom door, unsure of whether you should knock or not. If he’d only been asleep for an hour, maybe not. It felt a little cruel to wake him up, especially if he was as sick as his members made him seem. He needed his sleep, and you really didn’t want to be the one to disrupt it. 

There was still that annoying little voice in the back of your head, though. The one that told you that you should’ve stayed at home because he didn’t really want you there. In that case, it’d be better to announce yourself, right? There’d be nothing worse than waking up with someone you didn’t want to see by your side. At least if you woke him up he’d have a chance to get rid of you before you let yourself hope that things would be different than the last time the two of you spoke. 

As your knuckles wrapped against the door, you couldn’t help but feel bad for not trusting Seungkwan and Seungcheol. They’d done their best to convince you that your boyfriend wanted you by his side today, but you were letting your thoughts get the better of you, telling yourself over and over again that this is the one time you shouldn’t believe them. They had to be lying. Otherwise, you’d been keeping yourself away from Chan for no reason other than your own stubborn feelings. 

There was a quiet groan from the other side of the door. A groan that sounded an awful lot like ‘come in, hyung,’ and whilst you weren’t his ‘hyung’ you still took it as an invitation to enter the room.

“Oh, Chan,” you mumbled as your eyes finally landed upon his body that was tangled up in his blue sheets. A thin layer of sweat sat glimmering on his forehead and yet he still held the quilt up to his face as if he was going to freeze to death otherwise. All you wanted to do was take care of him, but as you walked closer and closer to his bed, you couldn’t help but let those thoughts enter your head once more. 

“Y/N, is that you?” He grunted, sounding just as weak as he looked. 

“Yeah,” you replied, “but I can go if you want me to.”

You watched as his face contorted into one of hurt. Great, you thought to yourself, now you’d upset him on top of him being sick. You really were a piece of work. 

“Why would I ask you to go?” He sounded offended that you’d even asked, although you thought it was a valid concern. “I haven’t seen you in days. I’ve missed you.”

You sighed, your feelings all jumbled up. The glee of him wanting to see you was mixed with the hurt of him seemingly forgetting everything he said to you to make you avoid him in the first place. You wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt since he was sick and all, but you couldn’t deny that part of you wanted to cry. 

“Can you come and lie with me?” He said after it had been silent for a minute or two. Of course, you wanted to say yes, but for some reason, your feet wouldn’t move from where they were planted a few feet away from his bed. “Please, Y/N.”

Still, you hesitated. Your thoughts were running wild. One moment they told you that you should just turn around and leave, and the next they said you should just forget the argument and run to him. After all, to be in his arms was all you’d been wanting for the past few days you'd spent without him.

“Chan,” you started, preparing to voice your concerns. 

“Y/N,” he responded in the same tone, “just come here, okay? Whatever you need to say can wait until I have you close, can’t it?”

You sighed, but you did as he asked, shuffling forward on your socked feet until you were standing just above his bed. You could see his face clearly from there. You could see the soft smile that he wore, as well as the gentle look in his eyes. You could see a thousand apologies swimming within them, and for a second you almost forgave him then and there. You held back, instead choosing to do as he asked and crawl into bed beside him. 

“Too many clothes,” he grumbled as you slotted yourself into his arms. “I’m practically naked and you’re dressed like you’re about to walk out into a snowstorm!” 

“I’m wearing a jumper, Chan,” you giggled at his silliness. “Not even anything underneath.” 

He rolled his eyes dramatically. 

“Come on, Y/N,” he pushed his face into your neck as he completely engulfed you in his body, “think about how nice this cuddle would feel without that big thick jumper separating the two of us.”

You had to smile. Chan was a naturally chatty person, whereas you were more docile in nature. It was nice to know that the almost constant flow of words from his mouth didn’t falter when he was sick. It was even nicer to hear him after the radio silence you’d had to endure. You much preferred talkative Chan to any other iteration of your boyfriend. 

“If I take it off will you stop complaining?”

He nodded in reply and released you from his grasp so that you could pull the knitted garment over your head. You felt his eyes on you as you did so but it didn't feel weird. The two of you had seen one another so many times now that all shock value had been removed from the action of undressing. No longer was it a sexual act, but just a regular part of your lives. You always watched him when he came back from practice, rambling passionately to you as he stripped himself before his shower, just as he watched you prepare to lie down in his arms by removing every layer that may separate the two of you.

For a second or two, you contemplated taking everything else off, as you usually would, but you stopped yourself. As normal as Chan was trying to act, things still felt weird between the two of you. Going back to normal straight away without so much as a single word said about the incident that occurred a few days prior felt strange. You didn't want to do it, nor did you think you could. So you just lay down, uncomfortable in your bra and jeans, and let Chan hold you close once more.

Nothing more was said by Chan. In fact, you would've assumed that he’d gone back to sleep if it weren't for the small kisses he kept placing on your shoulder and neck. They didn't come very often, and they clearly weren't supposed to lead anywhere else. They were just a simple reminder that he loved you and he was happy you were there with him again.

“I’ve missed you,” you whispered into the dark room. You didn't expect an answer from him, you just wanted him to know how you felt.

“I know,” he replied, his voice gruff from the cold, “I missed you too.”

“You can't have missed me that much if you didn't even message me since we last spoke.” It was a petty thing to say, you knew that, but some sick and twisted part of you wanted to make him suffer as much as you had.

“I would’ve done if I knew what to say but it's difficult to admit when you’ve been a complete and utter idiot.”

That got a smile out of you, even though you tried desperately to hide it. 

“You still should’ve said something. I’ve felt like shit for the last few days because of you,” you grumbled.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, releasing his grip a little, but not completely. You were still practically being swaddled by him, but now you had a little more room to breathe. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know, Chan,” you shuffled closer to him subconsciously, denying the space that he’d given you only seconds prior, “You’re just an idiot sometimes, and that's okay.”

He pouted before breaking out into a fit of chuckles.

“So I’m forgiven?” He pondered, moving his head so it was only a few inches away from your own. It was an invitation to kiss him, clear as day. If you were feeling particularly cruel, you may have denied him. Fortunately for Chan, though, even you weren’t mean enough to deny a sick man a kiss, even if he was an idiot sometimes.

“Forgiven,” you whispered, leaning in close and pushing your lips against his. The kiss only lasted for a few seconds before you pulled away. Your forehead was still pressed against his; you weren’t ready to back away just yet. “But if you ever hurt me like that again, I’ll set Seungkwan on you.”

“Of course,” he grinned, “I wouldn’t expect any different.”

One more kiss was placed upon your lips. A sweet one filled with love and pure, unadulterated joy. Teeth bumped against teeth as the two of you grinned into one another’s mouths, but you didn't mind. In fact, the feeling was welcome. It reminded you of all the giddy, too-enthusiastic kisses the two of you shared when you started dating. They were far and few between, when there was still an element of shyness between the both of you. 

“You’re going to get me sick,” you whispered against his open mouth. He ignored you, delving back in for more. Despite your protest, you couldn't help but give in and let Chan put every ounce of passion he had into the kiss. You even returned the passion, holding onto his face so as not to let him slip away from you.

It was at this point that you regretted leaving the rest of your clothes on. Chan was right; it felt wrong to have something separating the two of you right now. You needed to be close, to feel his body close to yours. Even if he was feverishly warm and a little too sticky with sweat to be comfortable, you wanted him pressed against you. 

So without breaking the kiss, you slipped a band between your bodies to unbutton your jeans. Chan pulled his pelvis away from yours for a few seconds to allow you to slip them over your hips and begin to push them down your legs. You kicked your legs, using your feet to push the jeans down the rest of the way and off of your body entirely. There was a small thud as Chan used his own foot to nudge them over the lip of the mattress and onto the floor. 

“You taking anything else off?” He asked, hand already snaking around your back to rest upon your bra clasp. You nodded and within a few seconds, he was pulling the item away from your body and flinging it across the room. “That's more like it. Now we’re back to normal, hm?”

“Right,” you smiled, “back to normal.”

#seventeen oneshot #seventeen fanfic #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #seventeen fic #svt fic #svt scenarios #svt fanfic #svt x reader #seventeen x reader #svt fluff #dino x reader #dino fluff

[forgetminot]

Trust Me.

♡ Leon Kennedy x !gn reader ♡

[ Warnings : Trust issues, angst, fluff, read from the readers view (low self-esteem, confidence, trust issues etc) , soft Leon ]

Author's Note : I started this off thinking it was going to be full on explosive angst and then ended it with fluff because I'm too soft. On a serious note mental health is very important and therapy can really help! My dms/requests are always open 💙

Summary : You and Leon bump into Ada on a mission, you struggle to get the thought of her and Leon together out of your head.

It was her, it had always been her. No matter how many times Leon tried to tell you otherwise, you knew. She was a part of him that he couldn't let go, no matter how hard he tried to forget.

"You haven't changed one bit, Leon." She was so confident when she spoke, her hips swaying from left to right as she approached you both. You stood behind Leon, hand holding firmly on the grip of your gun that sat in its holster. She sighed, arms tightly crossed against her chest. "I'm going to need that sample, handsome."

"You know I can't give you it, Ada."

Ada. You knew her name, of course you did. You had heard many stories about the mysterious woman that had saved Leon's life back in Racoon City, you just never thought you'd see her face to face and in the flesh. After all, she was dead- right? That's what Leon had told you, that's what he thought.

"If you don't give me the sample." She raises her gun, aiming it straight at Leon. "I will have to take it from you."

You pull your gun out of its holster, stepping beside Leon and copying Ada's actions. She smiles, her red lips curving into a small smirk.

"Who's this, Leon?" She tilts her head slightly as she speaks. He doesn't reply, instead he places his hand against the barrel of your gun and lowers it.

"Just another agent." He states.

Those words repeat over and over in your head, he didn't mean anything by it; it was the truth, you were just another agent. Another agent that he loved and cherished on a daily basis. His love for you couldn't have been a lie, could it? You felt yourself drifting away, the relationship between you both breaking apart bit by bit.

You loved him, you really did; with every small ounce of your body, you loved him. But did he still love you?

"You okay beautiful?" You gaze up from your position on the couch, legs cradled against your chest. "Lost you for a minute there."

"Mhm." You nod, biting down on your lip; it was something you did when you were thinking, when you were anxious and Leon knew that.

"Talk to me, what's wrong?" He sounds sincere, like he really wants to know how you are feeling, but all you can think about is that its all part of the lie

"Nothing... I'm fine."

'Fine', a word you use to describe yourself when you are totally not fine.

"C'mon, tell me." He leans forward from the opposite end of the sofa, taking your hands in his and you finally snap.

"Stop!" You pull your hands from Leons harshly. "Stop pretending you care, stop pretending that everything is okay when it's not!" He's taken a back from your sudden outburst, hurt covering his face.

"What are you talking about?" He questions.

"Just another agent." You repeat his words. His eyebrows furrow from confusion before it finally clicks.

"This is about Ada?" Her name rolls off the base of his tongue so smoothly and you hate it. You hate how she hasn't even tried and she's breaking you both apart. "Baby, I've told you-"

"I know" You whisper. "I can't get her out of my head Leon." He frowns, placing his hand gently on your thigh.

"I didn't mean to sound harsh on the mission, i was trying to protect you- from her." He sighs deeply. "I love you, so much and I didn't want her getting in the way of that. Of us."

You laugh weekly to yourself, standing up from the sofa and shaking your head from side to side; trying to get rid of all the nasty thoughts swarming around in your head. Leon is quick to stand, cupping your face in his hands. "I'm sorry." You stare up into Leon's eyes, tears dripping down your cheeks. "I try- I try not to think about it." You raise your hand, wiping your tears with your sweater sleeve. "It's just- the way she looked at you. She still cares about you Leon, i know it." He pulls you close, burying your face into the crook of his neck and places a gentle kiss to your temple.

"Maybe she does." He states. "But that doesn't mean I still care about her, not in the same way I care about you." You nod weakly. "You need to trust me and i know that's hard for you-"

"I do trust you, Leon." You smile gently, inhaling his scent.

"Promise, next time you feel like this you will tell me?" He asks.

"I will, i promise." Leon takes your hand, sitting back down on the sofa and pulling you down with him. "I'm sorry." You say, repeating your previous words.

"Don't be, i understand." He places his hand on the nape of your neck, bringing your head down to his and pressing his lips against yours lovingly. "We both need therapy." He chuckles as he pulls away from you. You nod in agreement.

"I think we do..." You giggle.

#leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x you #leon scott kennedy x reader #leon scott kennedy x you #resident evil #leon resident evil #resident evil leon #reader insert #fanfic #x reader #fanfiction #gn reader #how many hashtags is too many? #leon kennedy fluff #leon kennedy angst #hes so cute #mental health #tw : trust issues #soft leon kennedy #resident evil fanfiction #gender neutral reader #reader #xreader #x you #y/n

[epeboch]

I really love worm, and it's infested my brain deeply since I read it. I was a teenager who related too much to alienation, and bullying, and the craving of some amount of power over anything.

It's a work that I think was deeply important in my growth into an adult person (which sure is embarrassing but that's okay) and I want to share it with people. Some of its just because I like it when I can talk to people about things I like that I normally can't but god, it's hard to recommend!

Its author is bigoted in an extremely specific manner, in the liberal 'i have so many unconscious biases that actually Aren't Bad because society agrees with me'.

He hates addicts, is homophobic, racist, and is deeply deeply committed to sharing a worldview with like, some annoying American foreign policy wonk.

I have a certain impulse to put these things in less brash language, and talk about how clearly wildbow's worldview includes some deeply deranged stuff about the global south (south america is a continent of criminals and africa is a continent of warlords), deeply sinophobic anxieties (china is an evil empire that's going to kidnap you for power) or queer people (it's pandering if the relationship isn't predatory, sorry how did you describe that schoolteacher's hands?). There's a million other things I haven't mentioned as well. The list never ends.

It's long, too, that never helps. 'oh here, please read the Bible so that I can talk to you about how much I love Michael, Homestuck so that I can talk about Rose Lalonde, etcetcetc'. Its a lot to ask!! And people have still done it!! And I feel bad about it!!

The front page of the parahumans site says something along the lines of 'this story has ever conceivable trigger, be wary' and it's true. It makes it so deeply difficult to recommend to my friends which are almost entirely made up of traumatized queer people.

The worst part is that they listen to all my stupid disclaimers and read it anyways. The worst part is that I've never recommended it to someone who didn't like it. The worst part about worm is that it's good.

#worm #wormblr #parahumans #this is a stupid post #and im a stupid poster #long post