#if these are kinda ugly sorry i NEEDED to give him some colour. this movie was so grey

[papergirllife]

Chapter 3

Synopsis:

You don’t know what it’s like to be free, to make your own choices, and live your own life. For your whole life, your parents have been treating you like a puppet on strings, controlling your life to every single detail, as well as ignoring the fact that you have feelings. Other times, when you disobey their wishes, or speak up about your own opinions, they bash you down with words, in other words, psychological abuse, has led you down the long winded road of depression and anxiety. What happens when you meet a man who’s willing to be your guide out of this terrible downpour? Would you give a shot at happily ever after?

Warnings:

big age gap (kinda?)

issues on anxiety

issues on depression (mild)

issues on parental abuse

smut (maybe)

Tag List: @etherealtyjaem​ ,  @caratzennie  , @johnnysuhnflower  ,  @euphoricchannie  ,  @yeollieseo  ,  @jjhmk  , @sherzess , @wonderfulkoreanpop​

(lmk if you wanna be on the list)

You’ve been seeing Mr Suh, correction, Johnny, his first name, as per requested by Johnny himself.

“Mr Suh makes me feel older than I already am, you make me feel like a teenager all over again, so you have to call me Johnny. Let me relive my days when I was still a college kid.”

You didn’t mind, things aren’t as awkward between the two of you anymore, Johnny’s been spending time with you, although the two of you never established any sort of labelling towards what this relationship is. You and Johnny only hung out and had meals together, trying out different cuisines, watching movies, even going as far as skipping a day at work to go to the amusement park. He even bought you to an arcade when you told him you haven’t had the chance to venture to one since you were in grade school.

“Why haven’t you ever been to one for so long?” Johnny asked when he finished a round of pinball.

“They said it was a waste of time and that I should spend more time studying,” you said, wondering why Johnny would ask that, isn’t it the same for all the kids?

Whenever you mention your confining life to Johnny, he’d have a faraway look in his eyes, jaw locked in silent rebuke, he doesn’t say anything, he pulls you close, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. He would be quite for almost half an hour before he goes back to regular cheerful Johnny, telling you lame jokes that you would surprisingly find funny.

You didn’t have a phone, since your parents forbid you to have one, the only means of communicating is through your email account on your laptop, and even that you must always bear in mind to delete his mails right after, and take further precaution, you didn’t allow him to initiate the sending.

Johnny wanted to buy you one, but you rejected him promptly, you didn’t want him to spend so much money on you, he already spends lots on taking you out to eat. You gave him the excuse that it was too dangerous, and the consequences of getting caught are severe.

You often questioned your relationship with Johnny, you aren’t dumb, you’ve googled him and saw gossip news portals uploading photos of him and some model going out and about in hotels, but those headlines were months ago, the latest news about him was from his interview with Times magazine.

You never had the guts to ask him, you don’t know what you mean to him. What right do you have to question his whereabouts and what he does? He’ll probably be bored of you after he’s known all of you.

You know you shouldn’t think of Johnny that way, it is mean to assume what he’s thinking, especially how well he’s treating you, but seeing those headlines gives you a sense of insecurity, you keep telling yourself that this won’t last, but the thought of not seeing him again made your hair stand. He’s making you happy, a distraction towards the negativity you face in that house you live in, but for how long?

House. You never called it a home, unless you were telling your boss you were leaving, to prevent anyone from questioning your odd way of describing it. It was never a home to you. To you, a home is a place where you feel happy, safe, and most importantly, loved. The closest you’ve ever felt to having these feelings were your grandma and Joh... No, you don’t love him, and he doesn’t love you. What were you thinking?

You pushed those thoughts away as you opened your laptop to double check the files that you’ve typed out for your parent’s next important meeting that was supposed to be taking place first thing tomorrow. But when you went through your folders, the files were nowhere to be seen. It’s then you realised that the notification that keeps urging you to update the laptop was gone, it wasn’t the first time you updated the laptop and found out some files were missing, so you would never update the laptop at such a crucial time.

You took the laptop out to your father who was watching some news on his phone in the dining area to ask him if he had updated the software without alerting you.

“Yes, I did. What about it?” he asked, annoyance on his face due to the sudden disturbance.

“The files are missing because of the update,” you informed him.

“What files?” 

“The files for tomorrow’s meeting, they’re missing,” you told him as you mentally prepared yourself for what’s to come.

“What do you mean missing?! I bet it was because you saved it wrongly again! Your retarded brain never works does it?! Do you know how important those files are?! You always work on them late at night blurry eyed, of course you didn’t save them properly! You could’ve worked on them in the morning before work. but no... You want to ‘exercise’! What a waste of time!” You’re not pretty anyways, what are you doing them for huh?!” Your father shouted, his eyes blazing in rage, his fist slamming onto the glass.

While your father was shouting, your mother was checking the laptop as she complains about how clueless you are. It was like your brain couldn’t take the amount of hurtful words piercing into your mind like daggers, you let out a high pitched scream as tears threatened to fall, your hands covering your ears as your eyes were a blur.

When you could see properly again, you could make up words which sounded like ‘how dare you’ from your father, next thing you registered were the fury in his eyes as he advances on you, hand above his head, ready to hit you. You didn’t know what came over you, but the first thing you did was kicking him away. That’s when a full on fight broke out.

You were filled with rage, your mind wasn’t registering what you were doing. You went into a flight or fight stance and started thrashing and kicking as his hands were holding painfully tight on your wrists after you tried punching him.

Your mom urges the both of you not to fight, her voice barely registering in your head as she sits still on the high chair by the kitchen island, not bothered to even try to cease the fight.

When you finally pushed him away, you ran into your room and locked it. Your chest was heaving from the panic attack that just started, you tried your best to calm yourself down, reminding yourself to breathe, it was suffocating, controlling your breathing as more tears made its way out of your eyes.

When it all stopped, your body succumbed into mental exhaustion, passing out on your bed as the tears finally ceased.

You only woke up for dinner last night, and proceeded to sleep again. Yesterday’s events made you feel numb, other than the pain from the bruises on your arms.

There was a big ugly one on your left upper arm, its colour an ugly shade of green and purple.  A few other less serious ones scattered around your lower arms. In other words, you look like a wreck.

You wore a jacket to run even though you were sweating from your previous cardio work outs, feeling a little better after the endorphins in your body kicked in. When you got back, you quickly showered and ate a toast. When you asked for your mother’s phone to remind your boss you were going to take the day off, she told you that weren’t needed at the meeting anymore and that she finished everything last night.

“Just call to say that you’ll be going to work,” she said, not even looking in your direction when she handed you her phone.

But when you called to inform your boss, he told you that he had another part time coming in, and that it was too short of a notice. You said thank you and hung up, but said that you���ll be at work on time today before handing it back to your mother.

You really needed to escape for the day.

You opened the laptop and sent an email to Johnny.

I’m free today. Wanna go out?

You sat on your bed staring at the ceiling as you were sure it was going to be a bit before he replied, but just as you closed your eyes, you heard a distant chime from your laptop.

I’m rushing some stuff at the office today. I’m so sorry, Y/N.

Can I stay in your office? I really wanna get out of the house.

You sounded like a spoiled kid begging for attention, but you really wanted to see him today.

Sure. But you might get bored :) .

I’m leaving the house now :) .

For a 26 year old businessman, he sure loves to use emoticons.

You got changed into jeans and a jacket, you don’t usually wear one if you were going to a secluded area with Johnny, but you had to hide all the marks from last night. You just noticed that they hurt after you accidentally knocked your wrist against something.

You took the bus to the address Johnny wrote down on your diary, it was after one of your dinners together, and he jokingly said that you could always swing by if you wanted, you didn’t know you were going to actually do that.

The bus station wasn’t too far of a walk from his office, since it was just downtown Seoul where the Korea’s financial hub was located.

As you were nearing the office buildings, you stood out like a sore thumb, given the way you were dressed and your age. The people kept giving you stink eyes and sideway glances.

Suh Capital Partners. That was it.

You walked in the rotating doors, only to be greeted by masses of people walking around with smart pads, files, talking on the phone while the assistants take notes. Johnny didn’t mention his company being this big.

You admired the facade of the lobby, it displayed the latest news on a large monitor while futuristic lights hung from the high ceiling, the walls were a perfect balance of steel and wood with a wall of plants filled the wall behind the reception area. 

You realised that the people stopped what they were doing before and started looking at you curiously when one of the nicely dressed women from the reception walked up to you.

“Excuse me, miss. May I ask who are you looking for?” the woman asked, her eyes scanning you from top to toe.

You froze at your spot from how cold she sounded, like she didn’t want you around to ruin the aesthetic of the company. You reminded yourself that you weren’t going to see her anytime soon after this and that if you did make a fool of yourself then so be it.

“I’m looking for Mr Suh,” you told her.

She looked taken aback from your answer, but gave you the ugliest sneer when she recovered.

“Miss, this isn’t a school, you can’t just walk in here and demand to see someone without an appointment. Mr Suh is the head of this company, not someone you can just meet without an agreement from him. Please leave this instance,” she said, her tone high pitched enough to gather everyone’s attention, you swore you heard someone laughing a few feet away.

“But...

“That’s my guest, Ms Park.”

You whipped your head back to see Johnny standing behind you. But instead of his usual warm honey eyes, his eyes were a cold and staring daggers into the woman in front of you.

“I’m so sorry, Mr Suh. I’ll get back to my work now,” the woman bowed apologetically, going as far as doing it numerous times.

“I’m going to need a key card for her, Ms Park. Send it up to me when you’re done,” Johnny said, but his eyes were scanning the crowd, his employees immediately went back to what they were doing, the large lobby void of any sound other than people rushing to the lift lobby to escape the scene.

Johnny placed a hand behind your back and guided you to the lift lobby after most of the people have taken the ride up to their respective floors.

“I’m sorry,” you said after the coast was clear.

Johnny’s intimidating stance broke as confusion takes over his face.

“What are you sorry for?” Johnny asked, he should be the one saying sorry.

“I’m such an embarrassment, coming here in my jeans and jacket with a canvas bag, looking like a kid,” you said, fingers nervously tugging the straps of your old bag.

“Hey, hey, hey. Nothing’s wrong with being young and dressing your age. They’re just grumpy from all the work. Don’t take their words into account, and you look great. Perfection as always,” Johnny said reassuringly, hands placed on your shoulder, the warmth of his palms calming you slightly.

“No....

You buried your face into your hands as he patted your head, you sneakily glanced up to see him smiling at you with a toothy grin. But you quickly regained posture as you saw an elevator door open with many pairs of legs.

Johnny wasn’t going in even though the lift was going up, that’s when people in the lift realised it was him, and quickly came out of the lift, saying sorry and greeting Johnny.

Johnny guided you in after the lift was cleared empty. His staff looking at you curiously, you weren’t used to having so many pairs of eyes on you, their curious eyes burning holes into you.

Johnny could sense your anxiousness from the way you were hiding behind his tall figure as the two of you walked into his office, there weren’t many people at that time, given the fact that only direct reports of his business partners came up to hand in documents.

You only felt yourself loosen up a bit after you took a seat on Johnny’s armchair in his huge office, overlooking Seoul’s skyline and the cars that were buzzing about on the roads. The view made you calm down a bit from the journey coming up here.

You felt the chair dip as Johnny took a seat on its armrest, his hands coming up to give your shoulders a nice massage. Johnny smiled at the way your eyes lit up from his comforting touch as you looked back to smile at him, he felt a warm feeling deep in his belly as he takes in your beautiful features and the warmth of your shoulders on his fingertips. But as he puts more pressure onto your shoulders, you wince slightly, which didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Did your boss at work make you lift heavy stuff again?” Johnny asked, his hands ceased all movements, fearing that he would hurt you again.

You automatically thought of your fight with your father last night, it might be because of the force exerted from when he had pushed you.

“N-no, I just didn’t sleep well last night. I watched a horror movie and had a nightmare,” you lied, not knowing how he would react if you told him the truth.

“Be careful when watching these movies, Y/N. If you went to work and your boss really made you move heavy things today, then you would’ve strain your muscles,” Johnny said, going back to massaging your shoulders, but this time gently applying pressure on that spot, rubbing it in clockwise circles to ease the pain.

“I’m fine, Johnny. Didn’t you have work to rush? I don’t want to keep you away from important matters. And my shoulders feel much better now,” you said, moving away from his hands even though you could’ve let him do that forever, it felt so comforting, borderline addictive.

“Okay, I’ll tend to your shoulders again later.” Johnny said as he lays his head on top of yours, a gesture that he had came up with whenever he wanted to show affection to you without crossing uncharted territories, your heart sped up whenever he does that.

You were just sitting on the couch reading one of your old books when you looked up and saw Johnny frowning at his laptop, you placed your book down and made your way to Johnny.

“Don’t frown like that, you’ll get frown lines when you’ll get older, it’ll spoil your handsome face,” you joked.

Your hands reach out to smooth the creases on his forehead, a smile coming back to Johnny’s face.

“Thank you,” he said, taking your busy hand into his, lightly tracing the area between your thumb and your index finger.

“What’s bothering you?” you asked, unbeknownst to you, your lips were unconsciously set in a pout.

“There’s some documents that are supposed to be sent to my office in Chicago, but the English that’s written here isn’t up to standards, I’m worried the staff there won’t understand what the document is stating. I don’t mind correcting it, but I have other things to tend to as well,” Johnny explained to you.

“Can I take a look at it? I had Cambridge classes for 8 years. Guess it’s finally coming in handy. I mean only if you think I’m capable, I don’t want you to think I’m boasting or anything, I just really wanna help...

“Y/N, sweet, I trust you. Just let me get you a laptop,” he said before dialling to his secretary.

Once Johnny sent the files to that laptop, you started correcting some grammatical errors and replaced some terms that weren’t as professional, when Johnny was done with his meeting, you were done with the documents as well.

“Here, take a look. There might be mistakes,” you said after sending him the files back.

“You were reading ‘me before you’, I think you’re fine, Y/N,” Johnny deadpanned.

“Just take a look, just in case,” you pleaded, doe eyes capturing his heart. Nodding, Johnny smiles, doing as you said.

Johnny scanned through the documents, his eyes lighting up brighter after each sentence, a proud smile making way on his face. When he was done, he pulled you close by the waist, and gave you a warm hug, his head nuzzling into your sweater.

“Thank you so much, sweetheart. I thought I needed to work overtime because of this,” he said, his voice was slightly muffled by the cotton.

“You’re welcome. You can always send me these files when I’m not here, I don’t want you to overwork yourself,” you offered.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Wanna grab lunch? I can hear your stomach rumbling,” Johnny asked after pulling away, a cheeky glint in his eyes.

You could feel your cheeks heating up in embarrassment, as you hit Johnny’s shoulders lightly for his teasing, a smile creeping up your face.

“No, I’m not...

“Come on, I know this really nice French restaurant around the corner...

“Johnny I have the file you were...

Doyoung stops in his tracks as he sees you and Johnny being so close to each other.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a guest,” Doyoung apologises, but his eyes were still wide in disbelief.

“Doyoung. This is Y/N. Y/N, Doyoung is one of my business partners, his dad was my dad’s business partner so now it’s his turn,” Johnny introduces his friend to you, telling you a bit of his background.

You gave Doyoung a tiny bow and soft hello, nerves wrecking up at meeting someone you often see on telly whenever their company has a press conference. You could sense an air of discomfort as Doyoung gives you a questioning look.

“You can just put the files on my desk Doyoung. I’ll take a look at them after my lunch break.”

When the evening rolled in, Johnny had to drive you home before your mom questioned your whereabouts.

“I really enjoyed having you by my side today, Y/N,” Johnny said sincerely after pulling up outside the gated area.

“I should be the one thanking you, I can’t believe those snails cost so much, yet you won’t let me pay you back whenever we have meals together,” you retorted, recalling how your eyes almost flew out of their sockets when you stole a glance at the bill.

“Money is not an issue, Y/N. I told you that many times before,” Johnny reminded you.

“I’ll see you on Saturday?” you asked, changing the subject before he offers to buy you a house or something.

“Yeah,” Johnny said, chuckling at how you diverted his attention.

Johnny unlocked the doors of his car, but right before you pulled onto the handle, Johnny pulled your arm, the place where one of the bigger bruises were located at, making you wince at the unexpected pain.

“Y/N I wanted to ask, wait. Are you in pain? Are you hurt? Did I accidentally hurt you?” Johnny asked his eyes wide in worry.

Before you could protest, Johnny pushed up the sleeves of your sweater, revealing the big ugly bruise on your upper arm, and several others that went downwards until your wrist.

You looked up at Johnny, scanning his face that was frozen in shock, eyes not believing what he’s seeing. His fingers gently tracing every bruise, his other hand rotating your arm gently, to see if there’s more.

“Y/N... Who did this to you?” Johnny questioned, but deep down in his gut, he’s sure it’s who he thinks it is.

“No one, Johnny. I just fell down when I woke up,” you said, lying through your teeth, you didn’t want to, but that was your survival instinct whenever someone asks about your parents.

“Don’t lie to me Y/N, it’s them isn’t it? They hit you. Why didn’t you tell me?” Johnny demanded, he questions why you don’t trust him, was he not worthy in your eyes?

“It’s nothing, Johnny. Goodnight,” you said in a breath before turning away.

You quickly got out of his car and ran to your lift lobby, Johnny was following behind you. But before he could step into the premise, you shut the glass door which could only be opened with a security card on him, mouthing the words sorry before you made your way into a lift.

Johnny banged at the door, shouting for you to come back, before the security guards asked him to leave. He could feel a prickle in his heart as he sees the bruises in his head, the image fresh. He felt red hot anger boiling in his heart, he was going to get you out of that horrible place, no matter what it takes.

#nct smut #nct fluff #johnny smut #johnny suh #johnny fluff #nct #wayv #nct dream #nct 127

[lollybliz]

bout to make a Monster of a fic rec post here we go

heyo @jinx108! We’ll start with the complete ones because sometimes you’re just not in the mood to wait for the last chapter, you know? I don't remember details of all of these so i’m just going to copy the author’s summary rather than write my own. I am literally just going through my bookmarks, I got 400 of these to sort through. if ive talked to or am familiar with the author im gonna mention them, but if I mention you and you don't want me to have Please tell me and i’ll remove it.

If you’re not into spoilers Please Tread Carefully, I don't watch out for that stuff so I wont know to label it

1>Crushing Truth by Bunzuku: Tododeku. “Romance is hard enough for a teenager to understand when they have a good relationship role model. For Shoto, it takes two excited meddlers for him to even realize what his feelings really are.“

2>Disowned by b00mgh: tododeku + others. Unrated, some traumatic elements. “Shouto freaks out under a bridge and I use the word "grass" a lot more than I really should. Izuku does his stupid martyr thing and everyone makes continuous references to his propensity to break his bones. Aizawa goes "oh FUCK my kids are dying again" and his students use him as emotional (and physical) support. A friend requests angst, I say what kind, she say idk make someone get disowned and i say oh this I can absolutely provide my good buddy.”

3>cotton candy hands by @chonideno: Kiribaku. I will take Any excuse to rec this fic, its the most fluffy pile of feels Good Lord. also the first fic I ever bound into a physical book. “Studying to become a hero requires knowing how to take care of yourself. Sometimes you might need help on the way so if your crush offers to do your hair for you or to give you a well-deserved back rub, it'd be stupid to say no. A series of soft vignettes in which a love-struck Kirishima and a touch-starved Bakugou care for each other and it's definitely not making their hearts jump through hoops, they’re never this close to kissing, no, they're totally best friends bro“

4>Catching Sight of the Storm by neo7v: Kiribaku, tododeku. A considerable amount of Whump and related angst, and kinda sad tbh. “Blind. Quirkless. Useless.The first two things were stated clearly by the doctor that sat about five feet in front of Izuku. The third was a word that Kacchan called him everytime he failed to make the jump on whatever forest excursion they were on or when he ran into a tree because he hadn’t seen it. “I’m so, so sorry, Izuku.” Was his mom giving up on him already? But he could still be a hero if he tried hard enough, right? Quirkless or not. Blind or not. Just because Izuku was useless now didn’t mean he would stay that way forever, right? *** A Blind!Izuku AU”

5>Yell Heah by fakecharliebrown: Chatfic. M a n y pairings. technically complete, but part of an ongoing series. “Iida creates a group-chat for Class 1-A. It doesn't go as planned.“

6>Sunshine by Rosey_Note: BIG SAD. tw- failed suicide attempt. KiriKamiBaku. “They didn't deserve to put up with his crappy mood. Because Denki Kaminari did not feel like Sunshine right now. And they deserved sunshine. In fact, Denki didn't feel much of anything right now.“

7>Electric Connection by  Onlymostydead: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk has always had... Weird side affects. Like his ADHD. And his constant energy. And his insomnia, which wouldn't leave him be right now, when he really needed to just get some sleep. But, thankfully, he has good friends.“

8>The Best (The Worst) by Onlymostydead: no romantic pairing. tw- rampant transphobia, both outside and internalized. “Bakugou Katsuki has known who he was since he was four years old. He was a boy, it was as simple as that. Around his friends, at school... But things couldn't just be that simple, could they?“

9>Lichtenberg Figures by Q_loves_you: no definite romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki has a very powerful force of nature running through his body. Kaminari Denki doesn't want to hurt anybody. He doesn't always get what he wants, and "anybody" does generally include himself.“

10>Eventuality by KikaTouka: ill be honest I don't remember this one at all, I maaaay not have read it yet :/. anyway. ShinKami. “Shinsou learns more than just hero lessons after being transferred to 1-A.“

11>Pickup Lines for the Soul by MustardSoup: ShinKami. “Denki is twelve when he is flicking through the TV channels and lands on an old RomCom movie about soulmate marks – specifically the same type that he has. “I can’t believe I’ve had to walk around with a cheap pickup line written on my ankle my entire life because of you!” The leading lady yells at the leading man as he stares at her in awe. Denki laughs. “Oh no.” His mother says, watching him. “Oh no, indeed.” His sister repeats quietly.“

12>caught in my own web by @anxioussailorsoldier: ShinKami. “Shinsou needs some help after getting caught up in his capture weapon. Kaminari enters from stage left.“

13>not so summer love by nataliya: ShinKami. “Class 2-B’s common room, although typically quiet, was currently filled with five students—three slowly giving up on homework, one bitching about noise and another that rushes through the front door. “We’ve been waiting for you—” Mina starts, but Kaminari’s vaulting over the back of the couch, eyes wide as he practically buzzes out of his skin, emitting light like crazy as currents dazzle across strands of hair. “I have a big ugly crush,” He steps off the couch and onto the coffee table, much to Bakugou’s chagrin, “On big ugly Shinsou.””

14>Blamed by coldandhotsoba: ShinKami. Tw- they fuckin kill a guy and its a lil nasty. “This was not how the day was supposed to end. They were supposed to end the day like they do most nights.  Kaminari clutching onto him like a koala as he slept, wrapped in the millions of tacky blankets Kaminari had bought. Warm and safe in their bed. It was not supposed to end with both of them tied up in some cold metal room.“

15>Lightning Scars by Present-Mics-Scream (write_your_way_out): Shinkami. “It's hard to be confident in your abilities when you're surrounded by people with incredible quirks. Shinsou Hitoshi would know better than anyone. Sure, he was admitted to the hero course in his second year, but being admitted to the hero course, and keeping up with the rest of the class are two different things. Lucky for him, Kaminari is there to prove that the flashiest quirks come with the largest drawbacks.“

16>See No Evil, Hear No Evil by randomfan188: no romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki is legally blind. When he forgets to wear his contacts and breaks down during math class, comfort appears in the strangest of ways.“

17>how not to enjoy the weather, an article by kaminari denki by dreamtowns: no defined romantic pairing. “If there was one thing Kaminari hated the most in a world wth villains, it would have to be thunderstorms.“

18>”Studying” by emmyrox22: ShinKami, EraserMic. “Shinsou and Kaminari have been “studying” together for a while (but not for school). Shinsou gets stopped by his dads on the way to another “study” session and mistakes are made“

19>Weaknesses by sunflowerstorm: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk and storms compliment each other in the worst way, but he's convinced he can deal with it on his own... until he really can't any longer. When Shinsou accidentally overhears Aizawa confronting Kaminari about recent changes in behaviour and hears about the hell his quirks been putting him through, he can't just pretend he never heard. He wants to help.“

20>it’s hurt denki hours by memeingfultrash: ShinKami + others. ““Certain members of our class are...under the impression that...you’re the traitor.” Denki’s body went cold and felt like he was going to short circuit. ~some of class 1a believes that denki is the traitor and avoid him”

21>Petition to replace Mineta with Shinsou- (signed by Kaminari Denki) by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami + others. This is one of my favorites, I go back to reread it from time to time. It SAYS 41/42, but that's just a glitch cus chapter 36 doesn't exist for some reason, I talked to the author about it and its fine. “Mineta brings shame to the color purple. You know who does not bring shame to the rich color, but pride and sexual tension to one infatuated Kaminari Denki instead? Shinsou Hitoshi, aka sexy zombie man, aka the most perfect hunk of a man to walk planet earth, aka future husband. Shinsou has finally gotten his chance to prove himself to the hero course, and he did more than prove himself. The only question left unanswered is whether he will start in A or B, and how Kaminari can manipulate the end result.“

22>How to Get a Boyfriend (in Four Easy Steps!) by e1ana: ShinKami, EraserMic, + others. “Step 1: Get kicked out of the house by your homophobic parents. Step 2: Run headfirst into your brooding, mysterious crush. Step 3: Sleep in his dad’s (see: your homeroom teacher) house Step 4: Watch everything you thought you knew go to shit. This isn’t exactly the sweet, romantic plan that Kaminari Denki longed for. Will everything be ok, or will step 5 be to crash and burn?“

23>Bakugou and Todoroki’s Foolproof 5-Step Plan to Fuck with Mineta Minoru by Anubis_2701: Kiribaku, TodoDeku, + others. This is another one of my favorites, and the one I am currently folding and sewing into a physical book. you learn how to do funny things when bored and quarantined ig. “It was a simple enough idea; screw around with the resident bastard of Class 1-A to let him know that his medieval ways and perverted behaviour weren't going to be tolerated by even the most career-focused of UA's students. To say that things had snowballed was an understatement. Todoroki had no idea how he had ended up sitting on Bakugou's floor at 1 am, holding a dossier of incriminating material that would make the FBI slobber, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. The long and short of it was, fuck Mineta.”

24>Colour Theory by chancellorxofxtrash: TodoBakuDeku. this one’s a series. “Midoriya/Bakugo/Todoroki slow burn soulmate AU. All three of them are nerds with their own emotional issues, trying to navigate their way through becoming heroes, and their own relationship with each other.“

25>Summer Sunshine by Mara97: TodoDeku. Ever want a Barbie in a mermaid tale/Bnha crossover? No? well here you go anyway! “Instead of worrying about college, Izuku spends his summer vacation finding out his father is, supposedly, a dead merman king and going on a quest to dethrone the current king, Endeavor. Along the way, Izuku becomes close to the three journeying with him, makes friends with strangers, starts crushing on an unattainable prince, and, in the end, learns to love himself. Oh, and he saves a kingdom, too.“

26>The snowflakes on our skin and the flames in our soul are one (and the same), my love by missunderstuffyou: TodoDeku, Kiribaku. this is one of the ones I keep a running reread comment going on. its at,,, 6, atm.  “Before your quirk begins to present itself, the soulmate link comes through, and suddenly whatever you write upon your own skin appears on the body of your soulmate. As your soulmate writes to you, the emotions they feel follow through the ink.Izuku Midoriya is four years and a few months old when he first feels the slight ebbing in his arms. It doesn’t hurt… he can just feel something, and it’s enough to make him sprint into his mother’s arms screaming that his quirk is coming. She had been washing in the kitchen, and the sudden screech as her son rockets into her side is enough to make her jump with panic, immediately grabbing at him and looking for cuts and bumps before she understands his words and the stupidly bright, alight smile on his face with large, watery, hopeful eyes. Shoto Todoroki doesn’t feel his soulmate connection open up. It is drowned in the aches of a small body worked far too hard.“

27>It was dark inside the closet by Chad_Champion69420: Pre-ShinDeku? maybe? its tagged shindeku but like. it’ll make sense if you read it. “Midoriya is invited to a party. He and Shinsou decide to play a little trick on the rest of the party during Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

28>how to woo your local trash gremlin: a comprehensive guide by Todoroki shouto by wonhaebunny: TodoBaku. this is the fic that dragged me into todobaku, fun fact. “five times shouto tries to confess to bakugou, and one time he doesn't bother tryingaka: wikihow is a scam and bakugou is a terrible, terrible boy“

29>top ten photos taken right before disaster by Shookspeare: ShinDeku. “Izuku participates in a harmless prank, only to end up ruining it and running for dear life.“

30>Secrets to Share by pechebaie: no definite romantic pairing. “Kirishima comes out first, and nothing changes. Kirishima and Kaminari still hang out to complain about class and talk about boys - and sometimes girls, too, in Kaminari’s case; he still plans stupid pranks with Sero that get them sent to the principal’s or nurse’s office every time; Ashido still kicks his ass at Mario Kart without hesitation; and Bakugou doesn’t get angry at him any more than he usually does.“

31>What One Hides by Pinalinet: TodoDeku. “All Might gives class 1-A an unusual assignment that results in Midoriya Izuku and Todoroki Shouto attending a weekly acting class. But with a mysterious villain targeting individuals without Quirks, and a developing issue of Todoroki's own, an after-school assignment is the least of their worries.“

32>whether or not we’re fated, we’re meant to be by juurensha: KINDA SPOILERY. TodoDeku + others. “Todoroki didn’t have a soulmark for most of his life.His siblings all did, but up until the day of the U.A. entrance exam, he had shoved the idea aside. It’s not like they could help him anyway. And then a 9 appears on his chest, and a green-haired boy barrels into his life with a fire and ice soulmark on his arms, and suddenly Todoroki cares very much about all this could mean.”

33>The Midnight Shift by meiishu @meiishu @totallytodoroki (idk which you’d rather I attach so I went with both): ShinKami. ““Hey Toshi,” Denki says, and he laughs, clearly embarrassed. He’s got on a jean jacket that did him absolutely no help and a white tee shirt that is currently stuck to his torso. It’s got a pikachu design in the center. “By any chance, do you sell umbrellas?” “You really went out in this weather.” Hitoshi deadpans, instead of dignifying that with an answer. or hitoshi works the midnight shift at the gas station, which also doubles as a pokestop for pokemon go. of course, denki is a regular.”

34>Rock the House by AkabaneKayo: ShinKami. “It wasn’t just his bed. It was his entire fucking room shaking. Only one thought crossed his mind at that moment: “Holy shit. My room is haunted.”“

35>Technically, they’re morning kisses by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami. “Most nights, Shinsou cannot fall sleep. Neither can Kaminari. It seems counterproductive to have a sleepover then, but they try to make it work. And they fail, but that is okay.“

36>someone to call mine by nearly_theyre: ShinKami, EraserMic “From: Me wish you were here, denks From: kitten 💛💘💛 what if i was tho? OR Four times Denki snuck into Hitoshi's room and one time he walked through the front door.“

37>Pretty by Onlymostydead (noticing some repeat authors? me too): no definite romantic pairing. “(Or, Kaminari still can't figure out bra clasps.) Kaminari has never really felt good about himself. Herself? Whichever way, not knowing doesn't make anything easier. Especially when he (she?) and Mina have their bodies swapped during training, and everything seems too right.“

38>If I offer you my hand, will you take it? by bleukitsune: Kiribaku. SPOILERY. ““Why?” Kirishima leaned back on his hands, trying to create some space between them. Too close. The ash-blond looked really nervous, his usually arrogant and cunning demeanor gone. “What do you see when you look at me? Kirishima is worried. Bakugou is hurting. After his confrontation with Midoriya, he finally reaches out to him. “

Theres way more but I haven't tagged them properly yet so that m a y come later if I can ever finish going through and adding my sorting tags.

and then a last few that Are Not Complete but im really very fond of them. not as many as id like to add, but my hands are getting tired tbh.

39>State of Mind by GuardianOfTheLoaf: no relationship YET but its looking like it’ll be either tododeku or shindeku, probably the former. EraserMic. tw- childhood neglect and severe depression. Izuku’s not a happy kid. “Izuku was a late bloomer, his quirk lying dormant until his tenth birthday when in a fit of emotion he grabs his mother and she disappears. With All Might slowly restoring his confidence Izuku begins the difficult journey into becoming a hero.“ 18/? chapters.

40>Izuku Eats His Problems by CosmicAce: ShinDeku. Izuku’s a flerkin, what more could you want? “His whole life, Izuku Midoriya was taught to keep his powers, his Quirk, hidden from the world. His kind were feared, hunted to near extinction because of it. He just wants to show people he’s different. That he can be a HERO. And nothing is going to stop him. Even if his Quirk IS like an eldritch abomination.“ 43/? chapters

and then probably my current favorite bnha fic- although it fights with Apertum Mortem for that spot but that ones d a r k and not here-

41>family of the year by periiwren: EraserMic. “Hitoshi is done. Done with moving around every few months to a couple that will scrutinize him and eventually dump him right back where he started. Good thing he’s well past his strike limit now- at least he can stay in one place, be content to age out of the system and finish out his training with Aizawa. Maybe transfer into the hero course, maybe be a hero- but none of that was guaranteed. The only thing for sure was that he was going to stay in that center for the rest of his childhood. Or so he thought- because Aizawa Shouta and Yamada Hizashi have other plans.“ 24/? chapters. we’ve been informed that this one’s gonne be l o n g and im Very Grateful.

42>Here There Be Dragons by here_and_there: pre-ShinDeku. “Izuku looked at the small circle Aizawa had motioned to in front of them. "I won't fit," he whispered, thinking. He raised his hand, tentatively. Sighing, Aizawa grumbled, "What?" "I-I have a question. Actually, two." His teacher just stared at him, unimpressed. Izuku continued. "Can we activate our quirks before we step into the ring?" Aizawa looked up into the sky, muttering something Izuku didn't hear. "If you must." "O-Okay. Uh, second question. You said we have to stay inside the circle, right?" "Yes." The man looked disappointed, not only in Izuku but in himself for letting the kid speak. "Great. Uh... does that include tails?"“ 6/? chapters.

43>Another Option by sandersonsister: TodoBakuDeku, Touya/Hawks, Dabi/Hawks. Potentially Spoilery, depends on whether horikoshi has the guts to confirm Touya. this one is waiting around the corner with a baseball bat, its really cute, and then r e a l l y painful. it might be getting better though. maybe. it might be getting worse. “When Touya stops his mother from hurting Shouto, he decides enough is enough. He needs to get out of this house and he's taking his baby brother with him.“ 33/? chapters.

That's it i’m done for now, oof. maybe ill edit more onto this post later, maybe i’ll just make another one. hope some of these work!

#fic rec #bnha #mha #tododeku #todobakudeku #kiribaku #shinkami #shindeku #erasermic #To Be Continued

[thewadapan]

I rewrote the most infamous Transformers comic of all time.

I wanna give fair warning here. See, when I started working on this comic, I wasn’t really expecting it to turn out quite as dark as it did, and I suspect neither are you. After all, this is The Beast Within, right? The story where Grimlock goes crazy and talks in Comic Sans? How bad can things get? It turns out that - with just a few decisions made in poor taste - the answer is “very”, to the point where I feel the need to stick some kinda content warning at the top of this post. Unfortunately, I also feel like I’ve got a responsibility to the story, and there’s no way for me to do so without ruining it, so this is the best you’re gonna get.

This isn’t the first time I’ve made a comic like this. All the way back in 2016, I made “its christmas... so what??”, a kinda-bad re-lettering of a four-page ‘80s Marvel comic called “The Night the Transformers Saved Christmas”. I wasn’t too happy with the result, so half a year later I tried again - producing “PASS”, a re-lettered version of an obscure six-page UK-exclusive Marvel comic originally titled “Peace”.

“The Beast Within (My Pants)” is quite a different, uh, beast.

Each of the three comics I’ve produced was intended to be the last of its kind - standalone, yet fitting into the same overarching continuity. You can read any one of them alone, or you can read all of them in the order I made them. They’re individually available as albums on Imgur at the following links:

“its christmas... so what??”

“PASS”

“The Beast Within (My Pants)”

Alternatively, you can download the whole set as .cbz files - renamed .zip archives of images which you can open with a standard comic book reader.

It’s not too late to turn back.

Still with me? All caught up? Good. You’re probably wondering what the hell I was thinking...

I. I Have Summoned You Here For A Reason

Our story begins all the way back in 2004. The UK company Metrodome, looking to spice up their DVD box-set releases of the original ‘80s The Transformers cartoon, hired some local talent in the form of Mr. Jamieson (owner of a then-notable fansite) to write up some bonus features. They also commissioned him to write a mini-comic to be packed in with the set - with art by Mr. Gibson, a self-proclaimed fan since childhood with seemingly no other ties to the franchise.

The comic wound up being published in two parts (the second being subtitled “Consequences”) across the “Season 2 Part 2″ and “Seasons 3 and 4″ box sets. As a kid, I actually owned the latter of those box sets, and would watch it almost religiously - to what I can only assume must’ve been great annoyance from my poor parents - but I have no memory of it including a comic of any kind. Maybe it did, but it got separated at some point, and is lying around in some forgotten folder. A damn shame, that is. No, seriously.

I’m sure some record of the fan response at the time exists out there, in the doldrums of one of the many hard-to-search often-defunct forums which existed back then. I can’t really be bothered looking for it, sorry. You’ll have to content yourself with this TFWiki talk page for “The Beast Within” from mid-2007, which speaks of “Consequences” in hushed tones - as though it is a fabled artifact, prophesied to bring about Armageddon.

Another record - this one from 2009 - comes in the form of an eight-page TFW2005 thread ominously titled “Anyone afraid of the Dinobot combiner?” If you’re reading this commentary, you’re already strapped in for the long run; I recommend reading the thread in full. Well, okay, I don’t: it made me wince throughout, and I’ll be explaining the salient bits here, so there’s really no point subjecting yourself to it.

User “Razorrider”, after reading the TFWiki article on the Beast, opened the thread, noting “I don’t feel afraid of him myself.” The reactions soon started to pour in - some agreeing that the design was in fact “awesome”, others describing it as “hideous”.

Just going off my own personal opinion here, I think it’s fair to say that effectively nobody on the first page of the thread had any idea what they were talking about - and the pages that follow fared little better.

I think the main issue stemmed from the fact that a lot of those users didn’t think to explain the metrics by which they judged a “good” design (or, indeed, a “bad” story). When one person says “I think Optimus Prime has a good design”, they might just mean “I think he looks cool”, or they might mean “I think his proportions and colours give him a heroic stature which reflects his personality”. In that sense, a “good design” is one that communicates aspects of a character visually, even if it’s ugly. The Beast is hideous, yes, misshapen, yes, and it looks like the result of a teleportation accident, fine - but those are all intentional design decisions that perfectly reflect the nature of the character. In the foreword to the first part, Mr. Gibson notes the following (you’ll have to imagine that it’s written in Comic Sans for yourself):

Creating ‘The Beast’ was probably the most interesting aspect of the project. I wanted him to be a grotesque, twisted character that contained the design elements of the Dinobots he is created from.

People proclaim that the Beast “should never have existed” - a line from the comic’s narration, note - but somehow fail to realise that this is the comic’s own intent.

(Compare the Beast’s design to that posted by one user on the second page of the thread, which - minus an admittedly-inspired Triceratops-fist - just looks like an upscaled version of Grimlock.)

Okay, the alarm bells should be ringing in your head now. This is all starting to sound disturbingly like I’m some sort of The Beast Within apologist, isn’t it? How slippery is the slope that leads from “the Beast is a good design” to “The Beast Within is a good comic?” Have the hours spent poring over this thing in MS Paint turned my brain to mush, capable of only vague all-caps-Comic-Sans-penned ponderings?

...Well, yes, but- look, just stick with me!

The most accurate recurring statement in the thread - though perhaps not in the way it is intended - is that The Beast Within reads like a work of “fanfiction”. See, Transformers is a franchise with an ever-growing history, and many of those who work on it now have been lifelong fans themselves. This is true of many franchises which have stumbled into the new millennium, finding themselves seemingly unable to die. We live in an age of fanfiction - yet some fanfictions are fanfiction-ier than others.

When compared to the likes of Star Wars and Star Trek and Marvel’s comics, one sees a marked difference in Transformers. Throughout the ‘80s and ‘90s, every story Hasbro put out seemed to fit vaguely into a single guiding narrative - each distinct strand of their multimedia barrage falling into contradiction with one another, yet still seeking to adapt some underlying premise. The 2001 series Robots in Disguise - in the West at least - saw a complete departure from that narrative. The ramifications of that strange borderline-afterthought cartoon cannot be understated, yet in retrospect feel like they’ve been a part of the franchise for as long as anyone can remember.

Almost every year since, Hasbro has effectively wiped the slate clean. Each new series tries to be its own thing. Continuity between series - if it exists - is understated, ignored, or overwritten. To date, this is still something that confuses us geeks; so used are we to the mired pits that are the canons of Star Wars and its ilk. This can be frustrating - there are only so many times one can retread the same story - but so too has this rare cycle allowed authors to really explore the concepts and themes presented by the premise of “car robots” to a level of depth which I believe is simply unattainable in franchises which adhere stringently to a single narrative.

That’s the bright side.

In practise, many Transformers stories have become increasingly myopic - existing only in service of themselves, or (more often) in service of older (better?) stories. The single most influential of these stories is almost certainly 1986′s The Transformers: The Movie, and it’s that influence which is felt most strongly in The Beast Within.

Of the countless insights offered by Terry van Feleday - if you don’t know who that is, don’t worry, I’ll explain later - I find that this one rings most true:

When Optimus Prime du jour mouths off “One shall stand, one shall fall” for the twentieth time, there is simply no longer that understanding that he will not be the one who stands.

Where so many modern Transformers stories are misguided recreations of the animated movie, The Beast Within is a reaction to it. But we’ll get to that. First, let’s talk a little about the story’s artwork.

Mr. Gibson himself, I believe, deserves almost none of the criticism he’s received over the years for his work on this comic. Though his layouts are occasionally cluttered, and he does seem to have been trying a little too hard to emulate the style of Pat Lee (the man behind Dreamwave Productions; license holder for Transformers comics at the time) in the first part, his panels have a strong sense of energy and tone.

Though he didn’t exactly get to explore a broad range of emotions over the course of the comic, he managed to keep the characters expressive - always a challenge, when dealing with visors and mouthplates - and, crucially for a cast of this size, on-model. Look at the fury on Razorclaw’s face! The way Prime’s fist flies out of the panel! Menasor, torn in two! Predaking’s sundered legs! The mishmash of heads inside the Beast! The sickly colours of the second half! While it lacks the practised ease seen from some fans-turned-creators on more recent books, it’s still impressive work.

Regardless, Mr. Gibson’s first outing with Transformers proved to be his last. He didn’t end up getting paid work from Dreamwave Productions as he’d perhaps hoped (though in retrospect, neither did most of the people who illustrated for that company, so that was probably for the best). There’s no mention of The Beast Within on his personal website, which bills him as a “children’s picture book illustrator”, amongst other things. To put it simply, the guy’s always been a talented illustrator, and his style’s come a long way since this comic - the portfolio work on his website is very impressive.

(On a whim, I went back to late 2004 on the internet archive, and did in fact find the comic’s first spread buried at the back end of his portfolio. The entire website is a product of the early-2000s - there’s a link labelled “Go to Flash site” in the sidebar, though the page it takes you to sadly seems to have been lost to time. It all seems like it was borne of another age entirely.)

Anyway, let’s get back to that TFW2005 thread. The thing that makes it particularly notable is that, on the fourth page, Mr. Jamieson himself wades in to try and set the record straight. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

For a lot of people, I think, the idea of interacting with an author might seem strange. They’re aware of J.K. Rowling’s online antics, and are becoming increasingly comfortable with celebrity interactions on Twitter, sure. But there’s a difference between those kinds of interactions and the kind that take place on forums or in chatrooms - places where everyone’s on a level playing field. I come from those corners of the internet, and am lucky enough to have had conversations with lots of people who’ve made things I like, and have seen almost the full range of approaches those people take when dealing with their audiences. It’s safe to say that Mr. Jamieson’s approach in that decade-old thread is just about the worse one there is: over the course of just five posts, he smugly lashed out at the people in the thread, whipping them into a fervour that lasted for three more pages after his departure.

Regardless of whether or not Mr. Jamieson was correct - in the attacks he levelled at the other users, in the defence he offered for his work - there can be no question that this kind of behaviour is grossly inappropriate.

(Whether it is more or less appropriate than digging up old threads and archived web pages in an attempt to justify a bastardisation of a much-maligned comic book remains to be seen, I suppose.)

The key point that Mr. Jamieson kept returning to is that he sought to avoid the dreaded “info dump” (a hallmark of early Transformers stories), and didn’t want his readers to be “spoon fed”. A recurring criticism of the story is that it seems to begin halfway through, with little explanation for what’s going on - but I, like Mr. Jamieson, don’t think that complaint holds water. The Beast Within begins “in medias res” because we already have the context: eighty issues of a comic, ninety-eight episodes of a cartoon, and - crucially - a movie. Everyone knows the story of the Transformers, because the story of the Transformers - ironically enough - never really changes. “Is it ever really over, Jetfire?”

(That’s the last line of the original version of The Beast Within, by the way. I had to add the comma in myself.)

Like the impact of Robots in Disguise, the impact of The Transformers: The Movie is kinda hard to see unless you were there at the time - and I wasn’t - but in 1986, it did something which was profoundly shocking to thousands of children: it introduced them to death.

That’s about all I’m going to say about the movie itself, because much more experienced critics than me have already mined it for every ounce of subtext. I’ve already quoted the work of Terry van Feleday, who did some excellent scene-by-scene analysis of the film in a thread all the way back in 2010 - and I’ll come back to her writings a few times in this post. This very year, sorta-famous YouTuber hbomberguy released his own long-form take on the movie - what I find interesting when comparing the two interpretations is that van Feleday struggles to find much merit in the movie outside of its opening, while hbomberguy employs a reading that allows him to be much more optimistic and charitable even towards the end of the movie.

In a way, I think Mr. Jamieson had an intuitive subconscious understanding of the subtext which both of those critics later brought to light, an understanding which directly informed the premise of The Beast Within. In the same way one can read the monster planet Unicron as a physical manifestation of death, so too can one view the Beast - and Mr. Jamieson (almost certainly unconsciously) posits that, although death does not belong in a children’s cartoon, it is an inevitability that all children must eventually face. It is the dark spectre that lurks beneath the surface of every childish thing made by an adult.

An author places some of themselves in a book - but the reader withdraws something of their own perception as well. I wondered what I might see in the book: a child believes a lie because they know no better; a grown adult sees the lie because it fails to line up with experience. In this way, a child’s story could be so many different experiences. With enough subtext, a thing made for a child becomes an entirely different world to an adult. [...] There’s no telling when subtext will defeat the facade of a thing.

(I’ll tell you what that quote’s from later.)

I wonder, perhaps, if the endless swathes of edgy reimaginings of children’s stories are something of a mass outcry from those who grew up being told - every Saturday morning - that when people got blown apart, they’d be put back together by the next week’s end. What was it like for those children, in December of ‘86, to learn that some people could never be rebuilt?

II. It Pleases Me To Be The First

It occurs to me that I never did really do a commentary on “its christmas... so what??”, although I did talk about it a little in the commentary for “PASS”. Its title is a reference to the famous (well, you know what I mean) cover of “Stargazing” (issue #145 of the original UK run), which featured a banner reading “IT’S CHRISTMAS!” over an image of Starscream, arms out, yelling “SO WHAT?”

(Side note: at first I thought that I hadn’t read that particular story, but it occurs to me that as a kid I used to borrow a lot of Titan Books’ reprints from my local library - and I do in fact have distinct memories of reading Transformers: Second Generation, which did collect “Stargazing” amongst other Christmas stories - so I guess I probably did read it, even if I don’t remember doing so.)

The Women’s Day comic is something of a curio, as explained in this excellent article (which reprints the comic - with its original text - in full). It’s basically the only US strip which was published outside of the eighty issues of the run proper. This rare, standalone nature is something I have sought across every re-lettering I’ve done - from the UK annual-exclusive not-by-the-usual-author set-in-the-future “Peace” to the UK DVD-box-set-exclusive set-in-an-ambiguous-cartoon-inspired-continuity The Beast Within. These works feel like they’ve been lost to time - and corrupting them feels like unearthing buried treasure (and smearing it in turds). But I’ll get to that.

Back to “its christmas”. As I explained last time, I just went through the comic panel-by-panel and changed stuff to whatever I thought would be funny. I didn’t edit the two-line introductory blurb (which ended up informing the backstory detailed in the new set of AtoZ profiles). I barely paid attention to established portrayals of the characters beyond Soundwave’s association with music. I had no large-scale plans.

There’s a lazy (and poorly-conceived) gag where the little girl calls Bumblebee “gay” (also note that at the time, I misinterpreted the art in the third panel of the third page - I thought it was the girl speaking, when in fact it was her mother - leading to some erroneous dialogue), which in retrospect feels like a less-drawn-out version of the excruciating opening scene from Freddery McMahon’s Combiner Wars abridged special. That spoof somehow manages to be less funny than its source material, and I sometimes think that the same holds for my own creations.

Still, that’s not to say that “its christmas” doesn’t do anything that I like. I’ll admit that lines like “lol without mustard christmas will be CANCEL suck it nerds”, “toot toot here come some flutes”, and “help me drag it to the hospital” still kinda make me laugh. I like the way Bumblebee drowns out the little girl’s insults by tooting loudly at her. The final panels - wherein the humans steal Bumblebee’s blood as the other Transformers watch impassively - have an offbeat intensity to them, and when it came to writing Bumblebee’s AtoZ profile it was those which I chose to call back to.

If I had to sum up “its christmas” in a single word, I’d pick “childish”. The jokes, the characters themselves, the entire concept behind the comic - all feel kinda immature, and that was kinda by design. Summer Meme Sundae was a terrible piece of work, but - if I had to ascribe a theme to it - that theme would be growing up; realising that you’re running out of summer holidays. “PASS” and “The Beast Within (My Pants)” kept that atmosphere, but became increasingly cynical and obscene. That was just the natural direction they had to go in.

III. Every Place Reminds You Of Some Place Else

I’ve long had an idle fascination with abridged series, and have toyed with the thought of making an abridged series of my own. Most notably, I’ve long fancied the idea of abridging Machinima’s Prime Wars Trilogy of Transformers cartoons. Here’s an extract from a message I posted in Allspark Chat (the Discord server associated with the Allspark Forums):

I'd probably try and keep Megatron mostly the same as he is in the show as it is. Optimus'd be kinda murderous - you can tell he can't wait for Rodimus and the rest of the Council to kick the bucket so he can retake unilateral control over Cybertron. I'd maybe try to go for something of a more sympathetic Starscream - he wouldn't actually have any plan, he just has Cybertron's interests at heart and ends up trying to use the Enigma solely to rid the world of Megatron and Optimus forever. Windblade'd maybe be trying to force some hero's journey stuff - picking fights with progressively bigger opponents in a misguided attempt to prove her narrative worth

As pitches go, it’s not much. It doesn’t help that, as I previously mentioned, Freddery McMahon himself - pretty much the only name in Transformers abridging - has already tackled the series; his style of parody isn’t really to my taste, but his production value is fairly impressive and would largely overshadow any improvements I made on a script level. I feel like the Prime Wars Trilogy has potential, because it’s a fascinating piece of media, but I find myself unable to answer the question of how to parody something that already feels so much like self-parody. Sound familiar?

By the time the last entry in that series - Power of the Primes - was wrapping up, I'd been posting semi-frequently in the Allspark’s threads with a borderline-apologetic tone. Takes included:

The emptiness of Cybertron lends it a Beast Machines-esque tone

The Mistress of Flame’s death is cathartic

You can see right through the script

I want to get off Machinima’s wild ride

Wow, Windblade sure screams a lot, doesn’t she

The finale of Titans Return is good, actually

Hearing Megatron say “piss me off” is an unpleasant surprise

Hey, this soundtrack’s pretty good

Wait, no it’s not, but Galvatron’s implied reversion to Megatron is

Narrative emergence gives rise to Buddhist allegories in TFTM

Grimlock acts like his cartoon self - but only around friends

Okay, for realsies, the soundtrack’s good now

They’re right to kill Sludge; he’s the least toyetic Dinobot

I’d probably describe a lot of what I saw in the Prime Wars Trilogy as a kind of narrative pareidolia - only instead of seeing faces in inanimate objects, I was seeing value and meaning in an indefensible web series.

The problem with abridged series is that they require a ridiculous amount of effort. You need to be a good writer in the traditional sense, but you need to be able to work around the visual material available - you’re gonna have to edit everything yourself, you’re probably gonna need to do custom animation, and you’re certainly gonna need to wrangle a cast of voice actors. All of that for ten minutes of animation that’s probably gonna get taken off YouTube within ten minutes of upload. It’s just not feasible - and yet there’s part of me that loves the idea: commentary and content, all rolled into one.

To pretend that it was Combiner Wars that led me to create “The Beast Within (My Pants)” is a little misleading, however. The real answer - I’m sorry to say - has more to do with ponies.

See, every now and again I get very acute nostalgia for My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, which was perhaps my first brush with fandom - or at least, proper fandom. It’s heard to measure these things, y’know? Anyway, when that happens, I realise that I don’t really want to sit and watch a cartoon for little girls, so I usually just listen to some fan-made music or - as was the case last time - rewatch one of the abridged series based on the show. I use the word “series” here in plural because there were in fact two (well, two that matter): Friendship is Witchcraft and The Mentally Advanced Series. There’s long been quiet debate over which of the two is the (soundwave) superior series, and I’ve historically believed that they’re (buy some) apples and oranges. The latter is a more thoughtful parody of the source material, while the former is more polished and standalone.

However, after blitzing through Friendship is Witchcraft once more in its entirety over the course of a couple of days, something about it clicked for me - a bigger-picture thesis - and I realised that it had much more to say about its source material than I (or, well, most people) had given it credit for. It was at that moment that I felt the awful urge to create a My Little Pony fanwork of my own.

(The quote I used earlier, about subtext in children’s stories, was spoken by Princess Celestia in Rainbow Dash Presents: The Star in Yellow, a Mentally Advanced Series special inspired by a fanfiction which, fittingly enough, was written by Matt Marshall (AKA Blueshift/blue/Yartek/RockLordsRock), who was also the man behind the infamous “JaAm” relettering which effectively inspired all of these projects of mine. It’s like poetry.)

As we’ve already established, making a fancy-schmancy animation was out of the question - but a crudely-edited-in-MS-Paint comic was the next best thing, clearly. I started glancing through IDW Publishing’s official My Little Pony comics - having purchased a few in a Humble Bundle many years ago - but, aside from a couple of promising stories, quickly realised I didn’t have much hope. The comics are just, to put it frankly, not as good or as interesting as the show, and the fact that I’d need to adapt at least two issues at once (over forty pages) to tell any complete story made doing so an unappetising prospect. Furthermore, IDW’s comics are still very much in print, and (as the abridged series show) any such parody would stand on shaky legal ground.

Seeing as I wasn’t about to delve into the dark realm of prose any time soon, and the idea of messing with some other fan’s work rubbed me the wrong way, I decided to give up on my equine dreams and instead turned back to more familiar territory. I glanced over the list of old Transformers Marvel comics, but nothing like those I’d previously relettered stood out to me. I perused the short stories included in Dreamwave’s 20th Anniversary Transformers Summer Special. I even looked into some Fun Publications stuff. Nothing sparked my interest.

Perhaps my most promising lead was “An Arcee Sort of Day”, a vaguely-maligned (as in, “meh”) three-page standalone comic released mere months ago by IDW as part of an anthology - but the poor resolution of the available scan (the comic had been released in its entirety as part of the free preview for the anthology) meant that editing it would be a nightmare, and there was very little in the way of dialogue for me to mess with besides. More than that, the idea of directly mocking a comic from a compilation designed to showcase female creators (particularly one featuring Arcee, who’s been a controversial character in recent years) struck me as tasteless in the extreme. If only I had an easier target!

Oh wait, I did.

IV. Let The Slaughter Begin

If I actually ever read both parts of The Beast Within before starting work on this project, I don’t remember doing so. I do remember reading the Beast’s TFWiki page when I was much younger, and remember feeling like the wiki’s take on the concept seemed disproportionately harsh. To be honest, it was quite vindicating to read the source material and discover that I still agreed with my younger self’s assessment - the problems with the story are not on a conceptual level, but in the execution.

I barely gave myself time to digest the story before diving in and working out how exactly I could mess it up. I knew from my previous comics that the Autobots would all be unrepentant shitheads, so the natural choice was to portray the Decepticons as favourably as possible. Where the Autobots are callous, poorly-spoken, stupid, and divided, the Decepticons would be caring, articulate, intelligent, and united. In the story’s context, these traits would be weaknesses: remember, only the Beast has the killing instinct needed for decisive victory in this endless children’s story. I also knew that everybody in the story would hate Grimlock, and that - unlike with Roadbuster in “PASS” - they’d be right to do so.

That was pretty much the extent of my planning. I gathered up all the pages and started clearing out the text from the speech bubbles. Already, I had something of a problem: the use of the infamous Comic Sans MS font in the first part of The Beast Within was one of its most iconic features, and I wanted to retain that, but my own previous reletterings had canonically established Times New Roman as the “voice” of the Autobots. In fact, as far as those older comics were concerned, Times New Roman was the voice not just of the whole Cybertronian race, but also of the narrator.

The only lines which used a different font were those where I’d chosen to retain the comic’s original lettering, and with Roadbuster’s dialogue. It’s hard to articulate what exactly the joke with Roadbuster was - he seemed like the odd-one-out in the opening panels of the story, so I ran with that by having him be persistently ostracised by the other Autobots. The twist, as you find out when he finally speaks, is that he seems to be the only Autobot who’s unambiguously a good person; the rest bully him for effectively no reason.

In the commentary for “PASS” I released earlier this year, I explicitly ask:

If these are the Autobots… then what were the Decepticons like?

My own gut feeling was, I think, that they were people like Roadbuster - genuinely good individuals who never wanted a fight - and so for this comic I knew I had to give them Roadbuster’s Arial voice. I also knew that I’d have to keep the Autobots’ Times New Roman voice for the most part. The only question, then, was what to do about Grimlock, the combiners, Jetfire, and the narration.

(It’s worth noting that Soundwave and Triton were both Decepticons too, yet they both spoke in Times New Roman. The Doylist reason for this is simply that, at the time, I was happy to have everyone share a voice. In Triton’s case, the Watsonian reason is that he’s trying to mimic the Autobots’ “accent” to better fit in. If I had to make up a reason for Soundwave, I’d say that he’s only recently defected from the Autobots, as a reference to van Feleday’s insane Soundwave-as-an-ex-prisoner-of-war theory. Had Soundwave had a speaking role in the comic, I’m sure I would’ve explored that backstory in his AtoZ profile - but alas, it wasn’t to be.)

In fact, there was initially some ambiguity over who the comic’s narrator would be - if I used Times New Roman, would I have to keep the voice of the same narrator as in the previous two comics? In the end, I decided to draw from my source material: the on-panel narration would be Grimlock’s inner monologue, rendered in full Comic Sans glory, while the "Interlude” would employ a more omniscient third-person voice. That third-person voice is, I think, distinct from the narrator of the previous comics, and feels like a more solemn version of the narrator of the AtoZ profiles I released alongside the commentary for “PASS” (or, indeed, the latest batch included here). Remember, I wrote the first two comics years before all of this recent material. More on the text-only pages later.

When he speaks out loud, Grimlock uses the regular Times New Roman of the other Autobots. In fact, the only dialogue which uses Comic Sans is that of the Beast, which I view as the true externalisation of Grimlock’s feelings. You can also view it as the “real world” (as depicted in the text-only pages) leaking through into the comic’s reality, in much the same way that an aware-of-death adult perspective seeps through into a seemingly-innocent children’s cartoon. The other combiners simply use a slightly bigger font than the individual Decepticons. Oh, and all of the combiners use red text.

In the original toyline, Jetfire was something of an odd-one-out, as he was really a Macross “VF-1S Super Valkyrie” toy licensed by Hasbro from Bandai (who had in turn purchased the molds from the recently-bankrupted Takatoku toys). Both Whirl and Roadbuster have similar origins. I was under no obligation to do anything special with Jetfire’s dialogue, but because of the way he’s introduced in the comic - and as a nod to his shared real-world history with Roadbuster - it felt right to give him his own voice. Though he still uses Times New Roman, the font is scaled up and he speaks entirely in capital letters. His dialogue was a challenge to write, as most of his speech bubbles are very small, but I think this worked out in my favour: his speech often ended up butting up against the bubbles’ outlines, giving the impression that he’s always speaking just a little bit too loudly.

The lettering in the first part of the original comic - aside from being technically legible - is generally shoddy on every level. For emphasis, it alternately uses italics or inconsistent font size. Occasionally, the dialogue switches to lowercase, which kinda gives the impression that everyone’s been shouting the whole time. Most of the text is left-aligned. Some bits of text seem to have been squashed. Most of the narration boxes are parallelograms, but some are plain rectangles. Red hand-lettered text is mostly limited to the combiners’ speech, but also sees use a couple of times for Megatron and Optimus Prime. Some of the combiners’ speech just uses normal red Comic Sans MS text. Meanwhile, the second part switches entirely to black hand-lettered text - presumably from Mr. Gibson - which is a marked improvement in terms of tone and consistency, if a step down in legibility.

It’s interesting to me that, despite my version of the comic sharing the dearth of commas and full stops which plagues the original, it reads very differently. For all its stylisation, it’s my hope that each line I write for these comics comes across realistically - not in the sense that it’s something you’d hear someone say, but perhaps in the sense that it’s something you’d maybe read on the internet. More on that later - first, some miscellaneous notes on the comic’s text:

When I first wrote it, I used the style of self-censorship from “PASS” (and, by extension, the rest of Summer Meme Sundae) wherein the first letter of any curse is replaced by an asterisk. It was one of my prereaders, Tindalos, who noted that “the censoring kinda takes a bit from it”, and I decided that I agreed with him - it felt like I was holding back. You can decide for yourself; I’ve collected the pages with lines that were revised between drafts in an album.

Through pure coincidence, it’s Springer (well, Bulkhead) who gets the first line of dialogue in the comic - just like in “PASS”. In case it’s not clear, the joke is that he thinks he’s safe on the floor and berates Jazz for not doing the same thing, seconds before getting stomped by Megatron. I think this sequence perfectly encapsulates a big part of what I wanted to show about the Autobots: they all criticise one another relentlessly, despite being deeply flawed themselves. It’s a dynamic that, to me at least, actually evokes that of the Autobots in Michael Bay’s movies.

The line “thats me grimlock in the corner losing my religion” is, of course, a reference to R.E.M.’s song “Losing My Religion”, which was itself included as part of writer James Roberts’ “soundtrack” for More Than Meets The Eye. Though he did not appear in the issue for which Roberts selected the song, Grimlock was a recurring character in that series. Hopefully my depiction of the character surpasses that one - though if you ask the people I usually talk to, I wouldn’t be setting the bar particularly high with that comparison.

Optimus uses the insult “grimdick” shortly after Grimlock’s narration provides the example “grimcock”. I intended this to show that, while the dynamic between the two’s been cemented for a good while, Grimlock is always a step behind and still can’t predict Prime’s actions.

Snarl’s line was originally “hey speak for yourself swoop me and grimlock are tight as *hit”, which expresses effectively the opposite sentiment to his final line. The idea that Snarl was okay with becoming part of the Beast was intended to add a bit of brevity to the sequence - but I decided it was better to keep as much emotional impact as possible in the moment.

A more minor change a couple of pages later is Grimlock’s line “how do they do it”, which replaced “love is stupid”. I wanted to expressly draw a parallel between the Beast’s combination and Predaking’s.

The line I’m happiest with is “eat shit megatron this is what you get for being such a fucking weapon”. One of my friends occasionally cracks out the word “weapon” to describe someone - and what better application for it is there than a guy who literally turns into a gun?

Megatron’s line about the “black hole” in Optimus Prime’s spark is a twist on Megatron’s own canonical link to a black hole - an aspect of his original bio which was revisited by Roberts.

I struggled to think of Menasor’s final words. The longer I stared at the panel where he gets torn in half - from which I’d already cleared the speech bubble - the more I was struck by the emptiness of the scene. If one considers Menasor to be a symbol for the Decepticons as a whole, then his silence in that panel is my way of showing that - from this point forth - the Decepticons no longer have a voice; the second part of the comic shows naught but their corpses. Death exists, and nothing is good any more.

None of the text on the final page of the first half remained unchanged between drafts. I wan’t happy with Optimus Prime’s original line at all, and the internal monologue “don’t you deserve happiness” felt a little too serious. The phrase “no u” is the archetypical low-effort comeback, and seemed like the perfect beat to end the first part with.

Prime’s line “gotta jettison some dead weight” is a nod to Astrotrain’s iconic line in The Transformers: The Movie: “Jettison some weight, or I’ll never make it to Cybertron.” I had to check for the exact quote just now and found “jettison transformers the movie” in my search history, so obviously I’d done the same when writing the panel. More than just being a trite reference, I was hoping to draw an obvious parallel and to contrast the unilateral decision Optimus Prime makes on the following page against the more shall-we-call-it-democratic process the Decepticons used in the movie.

I’m probably a little too proud of “big red irredeemable fucking monster of a robot semi fuck”, which is a line that could absolutely only exist in this travesty of a comic.

Jetfire’s use of the phrase “GOTTA BLAST” is a reference to a line spoken by the titular character of the early-2000s CGI cartoon Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, one which has turned into something of a meme. When I wrote the panel, I intended to imply that Jetfire was aiming to crash into the city - but I think it ended up doubling as foreshadowing for the fact that Jetfire flies his passengers into the sun. Additionally, the meme often sees use as innuendo, which shines through in the following panel: Jetfire expels propellant into the Beast’s face while Bumblebee remarks “gah okay i did not want to see that”. The less said about the sound effect “CHOOOM!”, the better.

Remember how all the text in the first part of the original comic was left-aligned? So’s the text in my version! MS Paint simply doesn’t have the option to change the alignment of your text - I actually had to throw in extra spaces at the start of each new line, eyeballing things until I had an approximation of centre alignment. This is something I never did with “PASS”, and I found that doing so gave me more freedom to squeeze more stuff into the speech bubbles.

As immortalised by countless memes, you can’t rotate text in MS Paint either. I tried to use this to my advantage on the comic’s first page, where the steps between the words in Grimlock’s narration give them a faltering quality.

Grimlock’s narration actually ended up being one of the most challenging parts of the comic to write. I wrote a draft of the first page pretty quickly, but decided I wasn’t happy with it and that I’d have to replace it later - which I did, but only after having written pretty much every single other bit of dialogue.

I think the central conceit of “PASS” - that somebody’s farted and the Autobots are trying to find out who dealt it - didn’t solidify until I reached the second page and looked at Rodimus Prime’s body language. In much the same way, the crux of “The Beast Within (My Pants)” didn’t solidify until it came to writing Swoop’s line.

V. Me Grimlock Not Nice Dino

At some point during the creation of “The Beast Within (My Pants)”, I started thinking a lot about incels.

(To be clear, this is the part of the commentary where things get a bit weird, and I start talking about storytelling decisions which I think were made in poor taste but which I don’t think come across overtly in the comic itself. Feel free to skip ahead to the next section. Or, y’know, stop reading entirely.)

Grimlock is childish, despite his age, and is desperate to be liked - no, respected - at any cost. His only asset is his BRUTE STRENGTH. He hates Prime, but wishes he was Prime. He has trouble treating any of the other Autobots like people. He rages against an outgroup whose ideals are - at least ostensibly - rooted in empathy.

I wouldn’t say “I wrote a comic where Grimlock is an incel”, because that’d be a pretty stupid thing to write and I’d feel pretty stupid saying it.

Looking back at a lot of my previous work on this blog, some things do crop up again and again. In abstract, I’d say that the idea of a character seeking friendship and/or respect - and failing to understand why they can’t find those things - is one that I’ve revisited a couple of times. This was a strong theme in the latter half of Another Son - a story which dealt heavily in misanthropy - which featured a character inspired by Sam Witwicky from Michael Bay’s Transformers. The protagonist of Retrace Steps spent the whole story unable to even ask the question “why am I alone”. Many of the characters in Are You Happy - particularly Mr. Hernandez - deal with similar problems to varying extents.

So this makes, what, practically four stories in a row? I didn’t set out to approach things this way again with this comic, but from the moment I wrote Swoop’s line I knew I didn’t have a choice. When people talk about the Beast’s combination sequence, they talk about how violative it appears. Metal tentacles spring from Grimlock like one of Alien’s chestbursters, penetrating or melding with the other Dinobots’ bodies. After that, the resulting monstrosity ambles around, horrifically murdering its former peers. As much as I can have the characters in the story play this stuff off for laughs, I’ll never be able to erase the undercurrent.

This isn’t supposed to be a direct mapping - a perfect metaphor - and by the time this commentary’s done I hope I’ll have pointed in the direction of some alternate perspectives. It just seems important to put my cards on the table and say that, when I was working on this comic, this is the kinda thing I was thinking about. We thought children were safe with Transformers, and then a gun came and shot people they cared about, and for some reason we were surprised to see that they got upset.

With all of that in mind, I take some solace in the fact that I actually found getting into Grimlock’s head to be extremely difficult. His dialogue was a breeze to write, sure - that’s the outsider’s perspective - but actually trying to construct his thoughts in anything approximating a convincing manner was very difficult. The first draft of his narration literally included the phrase “we live in a society”.

VI. Such Heroic Nonsense

I’ve already touched on Terry van Feleday’s opus a couple of times, but I think it’s worth delving a little deeper into how exactly her analysis influenced this comic. For some reason the idea that nearly five-hundred pages of borderline-conspiracy-theorist-level ramblings about perhaps the most maligned movie franchise of the 21st century might be a tough sell is one which I can’t quite wrap my head around. I’d say that it’s because I’ve read the thing and already know that it’s good, but in truth I was pretty much sold from the moment I found out it existed.

Anyway, I frequently get into not-quite-arguments with internet strangers about Transformers, and during those discussions I frequently find myself saying “a good Transformers story should do X”, and then I have to resist the urge to add “like Michael Bay’s movies” because doing so would completely delegitimise the point I’m trying to make. The problem is that, because I’m deliberately omitting the context of my opinions, they come across as being even more bizarre.

I think that same problem exists in some capacity with this comic, where I’m drawing on sources which are intuitive to me but completely alien even to a typical Transformers fan. I’ve yet to even mention the other primary inspiration for this story, which is even more arcane.

Perhaps it’s important to stress that van Feleday doesn’t offer a typical "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron" take. Rather - and I realise I’m about to butcher this - she shows how the humans in Bay’s movies give increasing amounts of power to an alien cult leader because their only alternative is to get wiped out by an alien warlord. So in terms of this comic, “Autobots bad” is very much rooted in her reading of those movies, while “Decepticons good” is just something I thought would be funny.

Well, not exactly. I’ve already mentioned Combiner Wars; something that continues to baffle pretty much everyone who watched that show (and its sequels) is that, while it seems to have no idea what it’s doing most of the time, its portrayal of Megatron is an absolute riot. He is absolutely the protagonist of that series, the Only Sane Man in a world of bizarre psychotic caricatures. I think the same kinda holds in the continuity of my comic, only he’s had more time to bring the people he takes in around to his way of thinking.

Let’s not forget the official “good-is-bad” continuity of Shattered Glass, which - while heavily compromised - was the source of many interesting reinterpretations of popular characters. Effective reinterpretations require you to forget what you know about a character and strip them back to the core signifiers, which you can then put to different use. One of the posters in Terry van Feleday’s thread, “Lobok”, observes:

I like the idea that Bay or the writers looked at Optimus Prime and thought "What would a guy who calls himself that really act like?" Imagine you knew or heard of someone, a human, who called themselves the equivalent of "The #1 Bestest Superior" or "King Supreme Ultimate" - do you not picture either a 7-year old boy or a mentally deficient oo-rah alpha male? Maybe the two combined? Seems much more apt than a wise, noble father figure.

Of the course, I don’t for a second think that Michael Bay had any such thought - but the connection still exists for the audience to make. Therein lies one of the greatest unspoken strengths of Transformers storytelling: the sheer breadth and depth of the signifiers at play. Much of what van Feleday did in her thread was to boil down the concepts found in Transformers stories to reveal those core signifiers.

(Almost a year ago, I wrote a piece for the Refined Robot Co. blog which explored some of her findings by delving into the subtextual meanings of the countless alternate modes worn by Megatron over the years.)

By the same token, I think there’s something to be said for the way Grimlock’s alternate mode ties into his portrayal in my take on The Beast Within. He turns into a dinosaur - something which is rooted in the past, extinct, unable to develop - while most of the other Autobots turn into modern vehicles. Kids may love dinosaurs, but they’ll likely grow up to have a stronger interest in cars or tanks. Grimlock is immature almost to the point of childishness; his beast mode is the lizard king, and he doesn’t understand why you won’t bow.

(Obviously I’m making some big generalisations here for the sake of a point - the other Dinobots have their own prehistoric disguises, and kids’ interests develop in varied enough ways that perhaps this link is only noticeable to those who experienced the transition I describe. When I was much younger, I was obsessed with dinosaurs, and would consume all the dinosaur-related media I could get my hands on. Eventually, however, my crippling fear of sea monsters led me to stop reading books about them - I'd turn the page, see a full-spread painting of a pliosaur taking a bite out of a pterodactyl, and shit my pants. Okay, no, that’s a huge exaggeration: more likely it just got to the point where I knew basically all of the cool dinosaur facts already, and suddenly the deep lore of the grim darkness of the 41st millennium or whatever seemed way cooler. I just find it funnier to imagine that my prosperous future in paleontology was averted for fear that I’d discover the last living specimen of a plesiosaur.)

VII. Where’d You Learn To Talk Like That

Back in “PASS”, I think there was some question as to who exactly was the coolest dude; the biggest guy. Rodimus was in charge, but the others didn’t really respect his authority in the end. Although Triton was an underdog in that story, he wasn’t at the bottom of the pack - no, that role went to Roadbuster. Everyone seems to like Ultra Magnus, but it’s never really made clear as to why that is.

Grimlock’s personality and role within the Autobots was pretty much the first thing I solidified when it came to writing “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. I knew that he was the lowest of the low; the nail in every Autobot’s tyre. As Grimlock evolved, so too did Optimus Prime - the second-most-prominent character in the comic. "The #1 Bestest Superior" became a murderous jock, and the Autobots became his cult of personality.

Speaking of cults of personality, I’ve been posting regularly in the Homestuck Discord server since November of last year. There’s no other place like it on the internet, and - truth be told - I’m not sure any explanation of it I could provide would suffice. The server was created by some guy called Makin - at least, we're pretty sure he’s a guy - who nobody’s ever met but who seems to have an uncanny knack for managing online communities.

Major events in that server have been comprehensively catalogued since July of 2017 by long-standing moderator “Drew Linky” in his journal Several People Are Typing. Between the entries and the related materials, it’s probably around half a million words in length. There’s no other document like it on the internet.

For the first fifty or so pages, Drew had no intention of making his document public. Apparently, one of the reasons he wrote it in the first place was as a way of holding Makin accountable - the guy used to be (and sometimes still is) a bit of an ass. Now, I wasn’t around in 2017, so I can’t really comment on the accuracy of the document’s early entries - but as a newcomer I was struck by how different Drew’s depiction of the server was to my own experience there. If I had to guess, I’d say his style of prose and the cherry-picked nature of the document make it seem like a much more hostile place than it actually is.

In particular, Makin effectively starts out as journal’s main villain (alongside various problem users and Homestuck creators) - a capricious and unknowable entity with absolute power over the server - and many of the entries deal in some way with what users jokingly refer to as his “redemption arc”. Of course, in reality, he’s just some guy, and everyone knows that real people don’t have character arcs.

I still haven’t finished reading SPAT, but I was doing so around the time when I was working on the comic. At some point I started to draw parallels between my bizarro version of Optimus Prime and the journal’s bizarro version of Makin, and I decided to play them up. Much of Prime’s dialogue is inspired by Makin’s style of speech, using phrases like “shut the fuck up”, “nobody cares”, “holy shit”, “get fucked”, “lmao”, “literally”, “literally [...] who”, “guys”, “rational” and “you’re welcome”. I just checked and at the time of writing, with the exception of “literally who” and “you’re welcome”, he’s used every one of those phrases within the last week. Oh, and while the word “suckers” isn’t really a Makin quote, in Homestuck it’s associated with the not-quite-biggest-bad evil empress. It bears mentioning again that the complete lack of punctuation in the comic’s dialogue mirrors the most common style of typing I see online, where people drop their capital letters and full stops.

(In fairness, a lot of us kinda talk the same way in that server. I remember one time Makin said “I also need to worry about lmao becoming some kind of anime catchphrase for me”, which cut pretty deep as I’ve been overusing that phrase instead of “lol” or “haha” or whatever for ages. Look, it’s just a funny word to me: in my head I pronounce it “luh-mayo” instead of “el-em-ay-oh”. Like “I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes / saying aaay-oh / I ordered maaayo...”)

In the comic, the self-aggrandising Optimus Prime is hostile and dismissive to those around him. It might all be a front, but it might not. Even though Grimlock hates Optimus, the Dinobot seems to agree with him a lot of the time, and the narrative itself never really manages to conclusively condemn his actions. The name “Optimus” echoes the word “optimise”; so frequently thrown around in rationalist circles. One could even go so far as to say that Optimus Prime’s ultimate goal in the comic is to kill death-in-the-form-of-a-shitposter.

In seriousness, I’m drawing these comparisons in a pretty tongue-in-cheek way. I don’t actually think that the Homestuck Discord server is a cult of personality - even if, to check the user-contributed “SPAT Epilogues”, some of its populace seem determined to behave like it is. Even if this section of this commentary exists. At the end of the day, I’m gonna write what I know, and I like to think that I know a little about online communities and what happens when they go wrong. I wish I could say that “The Beast Within (My Pants)” is a cautionary tale to that effect, but in truth I don’t think it offers any conclusive answers in the same way that “PASS” perhaps did. “Only worry about the opinions of people who actually care about you,” maybe? “Death is an abomination and we shouldn’t let it anywhere near our kids”, perhaps? “You can’t force other people to like you”?

“You can’t force other people to like the things you made”?

VIII. Burnt-Out Toaster Ovens

In the re-released version of “PASS”, it seemed right to throw in something in the way of extra content. I had fond memories of the Seacon profiles published alongside the original “Peace”, and lifted the format to create short bios for all sixteen characters who appeared in the comic. These fitted neatly on a four-by-four spread (though I ended up merging Topspin and Twin Twist’s profiles and throwing in an extra one for Computron, who did not appear in the comic proper).

From the start, I knew I wanted to do something similar for “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. In fact, I already had two text-only pages to work with; each part of the original comic was prefaced with a prose introduction and a note from Mr. Gibson. I decided that I could rework the text-only pages and add another spread of profiles, using the freedom granted by prose to explain away many of the comic’s oddities.

It took me some time to carefully erase the existing text from the scans that I had, using nothing but the brush tool in MS Paint. It took me even more time to work out some potential approaches to take with the text itself. Eventually, I came up with the following ideas:

A flashback depicting Grimlock and Swoop’s breakup.

A conversation between Grimlock and Jazz (or, perhaps, Slash).

“How Ratchet Got His Head Back”, the interlude which I ended up using.

A synopsis of events between “its christmas... so what??” and “The Beast Within (My Pants)”, which ended up being my first stab at the introduction.

Some in-character commentary as Mr. Gibson, which I did end up including.

From the moment I conceived it, I was pretty set on “How Ratchet Got His Head Back”, and it ended up being a breeze to write. I didn’t end up getting a chance to squeeze in the title - a reference to an issue of More than Meets the Eye - as it didn’t really fit the original format of the page. The introduction, on the other hand, proved much more challenging. My main problem was that, were I to preface the story with a text page, I’d be asking them to read a bunch of probably-mostly-serious words before allowing them to read the comic proper. Not the best first impression!

Nonetheless, I gave it a go - you can read my first attempt in the album of the draft pages. It mostly served to lay out the continuity between my three comics. Rodimus Prime’s crew were abandoned on Cybertron by Optimus Prime (presumably Hot Rod changed his name in Optimus’ absence). Megatron, Optimus and their crews crash-landed on Earth, and millions of years later the events of “its christmas... so what??” occurred. Meanwhile on Cybertron, it took a few million years for the other Autobots to wipe out the remaining Decepticons, as seen in “PASS”. Humanity was wiped out by Optimus in retribution for their transgression (a nod to Mr. Gibson’s depiction of Earth as an empty wasteland), prompting the conflict seen in “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. Much of this timeline remains implicit in the final version of the comic.

When I wrote it, I was pretty happy with the way this information was conveyed in the first draft. It was the ever-ardent Gitaxian - one of my long-time prereaders - who made me realise just what a mistake I’d made:

Something was rubbing me the wrong way about that first prose page and I finally realized what it is / Expositing that Optimus is horrible right off the bat takes away a good chunk of the impact the comic had before you added it

He was right. My prereaders’ initial response to the comic was that Optimus Prime’s motivations were completely opaque, and I overcorrected, not realising that his inscrutability was one of the things that made him interesting. You kinda want him to behave like the Optimus Prime you know and love, but he keeps doing weird things and you never really find out why.

Suddenly, I was back at square one - no closer to having a clear idea of how to introduce the comic. Another of my prereaders, gearshift, had the solution:

It's Transformers or some shit. You've seen the cartoon right? The one with the tape guy? Yeah, the tape guy is barely in this one. What do you mean no sale? Look, fuck, it's got the dinosaur guy. He's right on the goddamn cover, you like the dinosaur guy right? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Bitch.

I liked her pitch because it seemed like it’d do a good job of filtering out readers who wouldn’t enjoy the comic. To quote Alexander Wales, author of Worth the Candle:

I kind of hate blurbs and taglines, especially for something so large and varied as Worth the Candle / My ideal synopsis would tell people what kind of story it was without actually telling them that much about the story; it would select for all the people who would fall in love with the story, and select against all the people who would find it a waste of time. / How to actually write that ... I've got no idea.

(Side note: I’m one of the people who fell in love with that story, to the point where I’ll use any opportunity to recommend it to others. It’s maybe my favourite thing written by anyone ever.)

A closely-related issue is that of content warnings: so far as I’ve been able to work out, there is no warning which I can give for “The Beast Within (My Pants)” which adequately selects against people who won’t like it while also preserving its conceptual twists and avoiding colouring the audience’s interpretation.

Getting back to the actual content of the introduction - I wound up writing less than I would’ve liked, leaving the page looking a little sparse, but hopefully making things easier for the reader. There’s relatively little to talk about in the way of trivia here. When I wrote the phrase “cut right to the spectacles” I was probably thinking of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Cut To The Feeling”. When I mentioned “moist towelettes” I was probably thinking of Hawthorne Wipes. The phrase “truth time” was an iconic - to me, and literally no-one else in existence - line spoken by the trolling narrator of a crack story written by a high school friend of mine, the energy of which I feel like I’ve always been channelling with these comics.

The interlude, on the other hand, is crammed full of references and was a breeze to write. It was the first piece of prose I completed for the project. In general, I was trying to write in a verbose style that would be simultaneously at odds with the bulk of the issue and reminiscent of the prose of veteran Transformers scribe Simon Furman. He was known for using certain distinctive phrases repeatedly in his writing - one such phrase being “like some vast, predatory bird”. The phrase “neither sufficient inclination nor wingspan” is supposed to subtly evoke another Furmanism: “CANNOT, WILL NOT”.

In all likelihood, the interlude would not have existed had I not noticed that Ratchet’s head was in its cartoon colours in the first part of the story, but in its Marvel colours for the second. I had the idea to explain that error away in story - tying into the general schtick of “correcting” the comic - and did so by way of a reference to Ratchet’s original toy, which had a sticker with a face on it behind the windshield rather than a proper head. I was also determined to highlight the fact that Predaking’s legs remain standing for like three pages; I think this minor detail in the artwork is pretty indicative of the fact that Mr. Gibson did a good job.

The way Swoop’s contribution to the combiner is described as “puny” ties nicely to the history established between him and Grimlock in his profile. I like the way the Beast tries to hit Optimus Prime with a “truck-sized fist”. The “antimemetic shielding” was my attempt to explain the recurring disappearances of Optimus Prime’s trailer in a novel way - I did so by namedropping the key phrase from qntm’s There Is No Antimemetics Division; the trailer’s there, you just can’t perceive it and forget that it exists. Finally, “dull surprise” refers to the vague expressions that characterised Dreamwave’s house style.

For the most part, I was able to retain the ordering of the pages as in the original comic, to keep things print-friendly. The one exception to this is the prose page for the second part, which I unfortunately had to move forward so that its cover could fall across a spread. The original comics must’ve included something in the way of backmatter - art cards, perhaps, or adverts - which made up the space.

The huge cast of The Beast Within made creating a profile for every character an impossible task (especially when so many are just crowd-fillers like some of the Technobots were in “PASS”) - but it was perfectly possible to provide one for each non-combiner character with a speaking role.

(If you’ll indulge me in one last barely-relevant tangent as we head into the final stretch of this commentary, there are some rather odd inclusions/omissions in The Beast Within. On the Autobot side, pretty much every 1984-1985 character appears, with the exceptions of Trailbreaker, Hoist, Tracks, Smokescreen, Grapple, Beachcomber, Seaspray, Perceptor and Omega Supreme. The Autobot combiner teams are absent with the odd exception of Silverbolt. Twin Twist - who had been pretty much entirely absent from the original US fiction - makes an odd appearance without his partner Topspin. Steeljaw is the only one of the four 1986 Autobot cassettes to appear. Meanwhile, on the Decepticon side, oddities include the toy-inspired versions of Viewfinder and Spectro (most of the rest of the cast use cartoon-inspired character models) and the omissions of Spyglass and Buzzsaw. Some Decepticon combiner team members - Motormaster, Wildrider, Breakdown, Blast Off and Swindle - only appear in combined form. Just two of the four 1986 triple changers - Springer and Octane - appear in the comic, looking slightly out-of-place in a cast consisting mostly of characters present in the first two seasons of the cartoon. Oh, and the Deluxe Vehicles and Deluxe Insecticons are absent, but that’s to be expected in a cartoon-inspired setting.)

Here’s the first draft of Optimus Prime’s profile:

Unpredictable. Unstoppable. Unrepentant. Many words have been used to describe OPTIMUS PRIME, yet the abrasive leader of the Autobots remains something of an enigma even amongst his followers. He has ruled Cybertron for many millenia, by dint of the fact that he's apparently the only Cybertronian with a shred of competence.

It’s a product of the time where I wanted to really flesh out Optimus Prime and communicate his thoughts clearly to the audience, and as such is pretty blunt with how it characterises him. The final version is a little more subtle, drawing in elements of the scrapped introduction. I figure I may as well go through the other profiles one-by-one to give a sense for what I was thinking:

Megatron initially had a much more personal bio - which seems to have been lost to time - but I wound up cutting much of it to make space for elements of the story’s scrapped introduction.

Starscream draws inspiration from van Feleday’s interpretation of the character - she posited that Michael Bay’s version of the character was actually the Decepticon most loyal to Megatron. The contrast between that interpretation and pretty much every other in the franchise’s history (excluding Shattered Glass Starscream, of course) is pretty funny to me. I tried to use the phrase “fools errands” in as benign a way as possible, which I felt evoked a more traditional relationship between him and Megatron. “Starscream, you fool!”

Razorclaw has little in the way of characterisation in the comic beyond “noble warrior”, and his profile is a wholesale reference to The Chronicles of Narnia: he stands in for Aslan; the rest of the Predacons for the Pevensie siblings. So yes, this version of Razorclaw is a Christ-like figure. As for the witch... maybe Blackarachnia? Eh, who cares. Oh, and the idea of combining with a dead bot was one which cropped up a few times in IDW’s comics, most notably with the Combaticons in Mairghread Scott’s Till All Are One.

Onslaught was in a similar boat to Razorclaw. I found myself drawing from Till All Are One once more, hinting at a (complicated?) romance between him and another teammate.

Blitzwing has only one speaking role in the comic - a shared line with Megatron and Starscream - but I decided to count it for the sake of having a nice set of sixteen characters once more. In Transformers Animated, Blitzwing had multiple personalities, and would change forms depending on which was in control. This interpretation of the character has seen plenty of criticism, so I deliberately tried to come up with something new. I quickly settled upon the idea of tying his vehicle forms to his mood, a metaphor which seemed to dovetail nicely with the way aerial alternate forms were treated in “PASS” and which also allowed me to cement the Decepticons’ supportiveness.

Bulkhead was borne of the realisation that Springer appears prominently in both “Peace” and The Beast Within. This inconsistency is entirely the product of my decision to place my versions of those comics in the same continuity, and I decided to correct it in the tradition of “Bluster” and “Firster Aid” by having them be two separate (but related) characters. I named the new Springer after Energon Bulkhead, who was inspired by “Generation 1″ Springer - the name’s since been used more prominently by an Animated-original character and variations thereof, and is effectively fair game for “Generation 1″ stories. His actual characterisation was inspired by Springer’s behaviour in “PASS” - I liked the idea that Bulkhead bullied Springer, and Springer bullied everyone else in turn. Oh, and I wanted to tie their helicopter modes back to Blitzwing’s profile on a thematic level.

Bumblebee is the only character from “its christmas... so what??” to recur with a speaking role in “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. After scrapping the original introduction I’d planned for the comic, I was left with a single profile to bridge the gap between the two stories. My original idea was that, for their negligence in allowing the humans to steal Bumblebee’s blood, Prowl, Tracks, and Hoist would have been executed by Optimus Prime - though I’m sure he didn’t pull the trigger himself, it’s safe to assume that he didn’t warn them before setting off the nukes.

Ratchet has a characterisation inspired by something “Jonny Angel” posted in van Feleday’s thread: “Ratchet is an ambulance who practices no medicine”.

Jazz is an extremely prominent character in the comic, despite the fact that his only line is a scream in the opening panel. The comic relies on the wider context of the brand to let the audience be invested in him, but in a vacuum it’s kinda funny to see the Autobots fret so much over an effective nobody. Pretty much the entire joke in my version is just a reference to Ryan Gosling’s misguided quest to “save jazz” in La La Land - some of his character’s lines are lifted wholesale to comprise Jazz’s profile, which takes pains to avoid using any kind of pronouns (thereby maintaining the confusion over whether or not “Jazz” refers to the character or the music genre). His profile was the first I wrote.

Ironhide has a role amongst the Autobots loosely inspired by that of Drew Linky (or at least, the version of Drew Linky presented by SPAT) in the Homestuck Discord. I thought there was some symmetry there with Ironhide’s history in IDW Publishing’s comics.

Skids was a tricky character to portray, but ultimately his profile turned out to be one of the ones I’m happiest with. It’s kind of a loose riff on his portrayal towards the back end of James Roberts’ stories, where much of his arc revolved around his relationship with Nautica. According to Word of God, he had unrequited feelings for her - I decided to amp this up by giving him unrequited feelings for everyone. To tie this back to Homestuck, think Eridan/Cronus. Oh, and in terms of the Homestuck Discord server, think your typical hornyposter (and then follow the implications through in terms of Optimus Prime/Makin). The actual name “Skids Maximus” is a play on the way the suffix “Maximus” has historically been used for some combiners, “Optimus Maximus” in particular. I’m convinced I’m not the first person to do a joke like that, but nobody I asked could think of any older examples.

Grimlock was fleshed out pretty well by the comic itself, so I took his profile as an opportunity to expand upon the history of the Dinobots. I saw them as being akin to a group of friends who stuck together throughout school, winding up as an impenetrably toxic and incestuous mess with a ton of deep lore. In a way, there was a time when I was the Grimlock of my group of friends... but we all grew up.

Swoop is Grimlock’s ex-partner, a concept inspired by the other Dinobot combiner we all wish we could forget about. I’m pretty happy with the use of the word “bottom” in this context.

Snarl is based on a combination of various people I’ve known in real life - people who are perfectly nice and reasonable but have zero patience around certain other individuals. From the outside, it’s behaviour that comes across as pretty damn harsh, but - and please note that this is not an endorsement of such behaviour - it’s usually the product of a long period of aggravations.

Jetfire was the last character introduced in the comic, so it felt fitting to save his profile until last. His biography is effectively a mashup of his portrayals in the original cartoon (where he gets frozen in the Arctic Circle) and in Revenge of the Fallen (where he was a Seeker who wound up on Earth), a combination which neatly parallels Bay’s Megatron’s origins. It also references J.J. Abram’s infamous “mystery box” storytelling device, which I intended to mirror the offbeat lack of closure in the comic itself.

The final challenge I faced - one which had hounded me throughout the development of the comic - was what exactly to title it. Titles considered included:

“The BEE” (Tindalos’ suggestion)

“The BEE Within”

“The REEEE Within”

“SHIT” (Gitaxian’s suggestion)

“IM THE BEAST”

“AWWW SHIT” (Fear or Courage’s suggestion)

“AW SHIT ITS THE BEAST”

None of these resonated. Then, almost a whole month later, out of nowhere:

This was the entirety of Daniel111111222222’s contribution to the story - and what a contribution it was.

There were several reasons why I loved his idea. Firstly, it was easy to edit: most of the other suggestions would’ve required me to move lots of letters around, while this one would simply require me to append a few. More importantly, it felt like the title of a Chuck Tingle novel.

The subtitle for the second part - “No Pants” - seemed like a natural choice after that, the idea being that it evokes Grimlock’s inhibitions falling away with his transformation into the Beast. It narrowly edged out “Pants Off”, which I managed to squeeze into the final version of the introduction.

The parentheses in the comic’s title were my own addition, and in retrospect I kinda regret them. They seemed like a good idea at the time, but I’m not sure why. I was wrong to try and improve upon perfection.

IX. Why Throw Away Your Life So Recklessly

So far, the bulk of this commentary has mostly focused on the aspects of this project which I think went pretty well. In a way, that's probably fair enough, because - on balance - I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

At the same time, I can't help feeling that “PASS” - a comic which I probably threw together in the space of one day two years ago - is both funnier and more meaningful than the one which I spent a couple of weeks on.

When I started working on “The Beast Within (My Pants)” towards the beginning of May, I expected to have the project finished and out of the door by the end of the month. If you glance at the release dates of the various things I made, you'll see that I like to put out major projects on the last day of a month - it's a way of setting myself a deadline and it lets me associate a given project with a given period of time.

My first draft of the dialogue was released to prereaders on the 11th of May; my second on the 13th. Around that point, exam season started to kick in and I decided to prioritise to other projects - the Retrace Steps commentary and the Are You Happy retrospective - which both ballooned out into much longer pieces than I'd planned. I successfully met my self-imposed deadline for those projects and pushed back the release date for the comic to the end of June. I released the first drafts of the text-only pages on the 9th, but the profiles didn't follow until the 24th. By the time you read this, I'll have been working on the project on-and-off for over three months; despite the fact that I was ostensibly on vacation for most of that time, I was somehow busier than I tend to be at university.

For context, it took me just four months to adapt Retrace Steps from a short film script to a webcomic (well, “webcomic”), and that was a process which actually required original artwork. At the time I noted that I needed to re-evaluate the way I approached commentaries, as the amount of time required to produce one of a high standard seemed only to increase - they're extremely valuable to me, and seem to be well-received by the few who read them, but are they justifiable if they take longer to create than the things they comment on?

All of this is my long-winded way of saying that I've probably spent more time thinking about The Beast Within than the vast majority of people who know about it, and that I kinda regret that. See, in the sense that The Beast Within provokes a visceral emotional reaction, it’s a “good comic” - but so too does a punch to the face. The Beast Within is not a good comic. It’s mean and deconstructive and poorly-done. My version is borne of contrarianism and hubris, and softens the blow not one bit.

At the time when I was writing Grimlock's dialogue, I found that my own typing style was becoming increasingly acidic.

The truth is that “PASS” is probably the most successful thing I have ever made, and I wanted to make a comic which would put it to shame, and I failed miserably. In fact, I feel like I’ve made something which only I could ever enjoy. It’s derivative in the extreme. As my deadline for this project drew closer, I resorted to drafting bits of the commentary on my phone in public, and at one point somebody idly asked me what I was writing, and - after failing to think of a convincing lie - I said something along the lines of “it’s kinda a long story, and I wouldn’t enjoy telling it, and you wouldn’t enjoy hearing about it”. They seemed perfectly satisfied by that answer, but I wasn’t.

Must we justify the things we create? Mr. Jamieson’s attitude seemed to be to say “screw you, I don’t have to justify myself to stupid people” (while pointing at everybody else in the room). My attitude, as evinced by this commentary, has been to justify every aspect of everything I make in excruciating detail, so that if you tell me “I don’t like X” I can say “I already explained why I thought X was a good idea” and you can say “well you were wrong” and I can say “maybe”.

You’ve probably twigged that, throughout this commentary, I’ve referred to the creators of The Beast Within only by second name. At first, perhaps, it came across as some mark of mocking respect - like citing a scientific source - but the real reason is cowardice, not confidence. Some people occasionally put their own names into Google. There’s a couple of people to whom I really don’t want to have to justify myself.

Over a decade after the release of the The Beast Within, Hasbro released a brand new set of Dinobot toys which combined to form Volcanicus. The creators of the Prime Wars Trilogy and of the Earth Wars mobile game gleefully included the new combiner in their stories, and the fandom at large embraced it wholeheartedly.

As her thread drew to a close, Terry van Feleday wrote something which I think about often:

Of course [...] let’s not forget that no matter the amount of earnest work put into something, sometimes it just turns out shit. There’s a strange perception I noticed in critical response where people seem to find it difficult to consider something both earnest or satirical and, well, not very well made. Sucker Punch can’t be an honest indictment of cinematic objectification and a somewhat poorly conceived, almost hypocritical attempt at being more clever than you should. Transformers can’t be an inversion of the traditional hero/villain narrative showcasing the effects of authoritarian propaganda and a meandering, under-focused, often poorly communicated, destructive mess. Maybe it’s a strange entertainment-version of the Just World Fallacy where lacking results must necessarily result from lacking effort, or maybe it’s modern audiences’ strange worship of subversiveness, where a work critical of old tropes must by default be better than the works it’s commenting on throwing to the dustbin of history, but either way, people are extremely resistant to the idea that films they found emotionally dissatisfying could express depth and meaning and tend to dismiss them as another ‘genre film’.

Mr. Gibson is a children’s picture book illustrator. The Beast has no place on his website.

X. Proceed On Your Way To Oblivion

TFNation - the UK’s biggest Transformers convention - has become something of an annual pilgrimage for me, and (as of the time of writing) I’ll be making that pilgrimage in a matter of days. If you see me there, feel free to come over and punch me. Or, y’know, just say hi. I’ll have some limited-edition printed copies of “PASS” to give out. For more information on that - and for infrequent Transformers-related musings and updates on future projects - wander on over to my twitter!

What are those future projects? Well, after the convention I’m planning to release an original short story. It’s not very good, but it’s got a few stylistic similarities to this comic (read: lots of swearing). I might have a little bit in the way of Transformers prose coming out down the line, but can’t really elaborate further on the form that’ll take. I’ve been planning to get back to Huskyquest for ages, and hopefully I’ll finally be able to do so once I settle back down at university. After that, I plan to focus my efforts on prose, so you may as well expect more radio silence from me.

If you’ve made it to the end of this almost-fifteen-thousand-word monstrosity, you, uhh... win all my internet points? Sorry, that’s all I have.

Remind me never to do this again.

#Transformers #comics #The Beast Within #The Beast Within (My Pants) #The Wadapan #14/08/2019

[rose-lighters]

Time to rank every MCU film

Yes I am doing that oh so original thing of ranking every marvel film from worst to best. Criticisms and debates are welcome. (Disclaimer: I like all these films unless stated otherwise)

X. Incredible Hulk - I haven’t seen it. Sorry.

21. Guardians Of the Galaxy Vol. 2 - I can honestly say I hated this film. The only likeable part of the whole film was the soundtrack and the first few minutes with Groot dancing. Beyond that it was dull, cringy and oh so predictable. The second that Ego (???) appeared and said he was Quill’s dad I was just like “Oh so this guy’s the villain then” and noped out of there. I never saw past that point and don’t intend to.

20. Captain America: The Winter Soldier - People praise this film till kingdom come and I for one do not get it at all. Many say that it is unique in moving away from the typical superhero film and towards the spy genre. Maybe I just don’t like spy films but it is in no means a great Marvel film. I liked it enough but it’s so forgettable I had to google the plot for this review. I liked the characters and all but it just never stuck with me as anything special.

19. Guardians Of the Galaxy -  Maybe I just don’t like the guardians??? I don’t know but this was another film that just didn’t stick with me. I like Rocket and Groot but beyond that the Guardians themselves hold no interest with me. I don’t care for the humor particularly and whilst the music is great that really shouldn’t be the best part of a film unless it’s a musical.

18. Avengers: Age of Ultron - People hate this film, I however do not. It’s an okay Marvel film, I don’t care for it enough to hate it. I like that scene where they’re all trying to lift mjolnir and I think I liked the ending (I watched it like two years ago so I don’t remember that well) but I have to agree with a lot of the criticism of white washing the Maximoffs (despite how much I love Elizabeth Olsen and Aaron Taylor Johnson, it was still shady). I didn’t hate the ‘giving Hawkeye a family’ like a lot of people did because the already made it clear he wasn’t like comic Clint.

17. Thor: The Dark World - Now we’re moving into films I do like (I love Marvel films more than I dislike them, it's literally just GOTG2 that I don’t like). This was a good film from what I can remember (as I said it's been a while since I’ve seen a lot of these films). I liked the story arcs, I liked that it was set in places other than America and space (ok, so I’m from England, sue me), I loved Tom Hiddleston in this film and I like Darcy. All in all it was an enjoyable viewing, a little dull at times but generally harmless.

16. Doctor Strange - This would be further up if it wasn’t for how dull the first half hour or so is. I had to go back and watch this months after I had first tried just because the start was so boring. Once I moved past it however it was a great origin film. I liked the humour in it and I have always had a soft spot for magic so it was a brilliant film. The effects were absolutely stunning and on aesthetics alone it would place as the second or third best marvel film. I loved the good guys and was genuinely rooting for them despite Strange being a bit of a snarky arsehole.

15. Iron Man - Is this a very important film? Yes. Is it a great film? Also yes. Do I remember it? Not at all. Okay, so I remember some stuff and what I do remember was great but to say its a film that sticks out would be a lie. It’s THE origin story in as much as it’s a formulaic one: flawed character is traumatised and realises their flaws in the process, is influenced by important person, becomes a hero and is betrayed. It works though. That’s the thing, it works so damn well that its almost not in the formula. It's a great watch and honestly RDJ looks great in it (so not the point but I digress). That bit with Stane ripping out the arc reactor made me feel betrayed and I kinda knew it was coming. ( https://tonynatashas.tumblr.com/post/184375713429/that-scene-in-iron-man-where-obadiah-stane-is this post explains why this scene is so great important)

14. Captain America: The First Avenger - Another (enjoyable) origin story. If Sebastian Stan wasn’t in it it would probably be three places down but hey I have a type. No but seriously this was a great film because not only did it show off the brilliance of Roger’s transformation and gave us an idea of who he was and what motivates him but it also then gives us details of his waking in the 21st century and begins to expose his issues with this time travel (for want of a better phrase). This film shows you what you’re gonna get whilst still having pretty good effects, a good, solid storyline and a pretty badass comic book villain. The serum guy creeps me out though and there are so many ethical issues of that level of human experimentation on a person whose only friend went off to war, had Steve died they chose someone no one would really miss which is so concerning.

13. Captain Marvel - A lot of people may have a criticism of this film being so far down but for me it needs to be. I like superhero films where the main character overcomes a flaw and amnesia is not a character flaw. This is a good origin story but it is not a great marvel film. I like Carol but I don’t love her. I love the fact that we have a superhero film with a female main character and i liked that scene where she talks with biker guy but it felt like Samuel L Jackson was a more interesting character at times. I often rate characters on humor so there’s that. It was a good film but I’m mostly looking forward to what will be done with the character as she has so much potential. 

12. Spiderman: Homecoming - This is a weird one for me. It’s the only marvel film I own on DVD and it’s the only one I like where I skip scenes. I can not deal with cringy humour so I skip 80% of the jokes and awkward moments in this film however it’s a really good film. It’s funny and the music is great, I love Zendaya and Jacob Batalon probably more than Tom Holland, their roles are great and the film’s emphasis on friendship is one of the elements from the Iron Man and Captain America films that I love just further amplified. The references to Ferris Bueller and the fact that it is, at its core, a teen flick makes it a brilliant film. The vulture twist was also amazing. 

11. Ant-man and the Wasp - I feel like it isn’t talked about enough but I really bloody love Scott Lang. He is one superhero that I can really get behind because above all else he is just the nicest guy. He is probably one of the most human seeming characters in the MCU and it always makes for such an enjoyable viewing. This could probably draw with ant-man in terms of great films. I loved Ava Starr so much and my heart really went out to her and that FBI guy was a total joy to watch. The Ant man films are so funny and light hearted that they don’t have that sort of weariness that other MCU films have. If only Luis told more stories in the MCU.

10. Ant-man - Honestly just look above. Also I love Hank Pym and Hope Van Dyne so much. The villain was kind of eh but I loved the heist aspect.

9. Black Panther - I watched this film for Shuri and to an extent because I felt obligated to so I had low expectations. People were talking about it for the significance of fighting for equality (which I am all for, don’t worry) so I was expecting it to not live up to the hype and it didn’t. That being said it was a bloody great movie. The movie was beautiful, the use of colour and the CGI tech was so damn pretty. The plot was brilliant and for a while I wanted Erik Killmonger to win, he put forward a good argument and I like a ‘baddy’ so to speak. The fights were great and I was so here for their version of going under cover finally not being a hoodie and cap. Was it over hyped? Hell yeah. Was it still a great film? 100%

8. Iron Man 3 - This gets a hell of a load more crap than it deserves, mostly from comic book fans who can’t stand that their precious mandarin was a hoax but honestly I respect the fuck out of marvel for that. Rather than having a stereotypically asian terrorist they turned that stereotype on its head and made the white guy the actual terrorist. Ben Kingsley is one of my favourite actors and he was amazing. I, obviously, also loved the representation of PTSD as a serious issue and how it was displayed in all of its real ugliness. For once it didn’t just show a damaged person who was fixed with romance. So yeah, this film was a masterpiece.

7. Captain America: Civil War - Zemo may just be my favourite MCU villain to date, why? Because he fucking won. This was a film about a man who knew his victims and rather than stupidly trying to attack the big scary strong guys he exposed them and made the best of circumstance. He got under Captain America’s skin and played him like a puppet. This was more than just a villain, this was finally a smart villain. Not to mention that this film had some of the best action sequences and heart breaking moments whilst still having time for a laugh. It’s also the first film (in my opinion) that called out Steve’s morals and his obsession with the past. Bucky was hot used against him and it showed that above all else, even the little people, Steve’s loyalties are with his past.

6. Thor - Most people would disagree and rate this film far lower however for me this was the start. I didn’t grow up watching superhero films because I didn’t like watching TV as a kid so it wasn’t till I was 13 that I saw a superhero film and this was it. I honestly watched it because my friend had it on DVD and I thought Tom Hiddleston looked hot but from what I can remember this was one of the best films I ever saw. I wasn’t too bothered by Jane Foster but I absolutely loved Darcy, Loki and Thor. Whilst I’m not adopted I do know what it is like to be the younger and smarter sibling with an older thuggish brother who is still the favourite so I loved Loki with a passion and was so upset when he fell.

5. Iron Man 2 - This was the film that made me realise that I liked girls, Scarlet Johansson in a black cat suit and red ringlets was an amazing thing to little 13 year old me. Beyond that it was just a solid film, it had spies and daddy issues and sass and Samuel L Jackson. What more can you want?

4. Thor: Ragnarok - This is the peak of Thor, I’m calling it now. Never had a director before been able to capture the absolute chaos of Loki and the sweetheart-ness of Thor so brilliantly. As far as representations of characters this, Captain Marvel and Iron Man 3 may just be the best of all the MCU. This is the full completion of Thor’s arc, this is the film that the first Thor set up. Finally Thor is ready to be King. This film had so much humour but still set it all up so perfectly that it was more than just a comedy. Jeff Goldblum was amazing and honestly Taika Waititi should direct the whole of the MCU. He knows the characters better than anybody.

3. Avengers: Endgame - I cried three times. That scene with the portals was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed and whilst many criticize much of the plot I don’t have too much I’d change, though in fairness I did like the cursed child so maybe I just have a soft spot for all things time travel. Dynamic timelines are not used in cinema enough and the three alternate timelines create have all sorts of implications for future films in the MCU. If Thor is not fat in the next film this may go down to 20th though.

2. Avengers Assemble - This is the film that I believe best represents what the MCU has to offer. It’s a light hearted superhero film with all the characters that were needed at this point in time. For its time it was ambitious and honestly it shows. I loved the dynamics between the characters, the plot was engaging and not overly complex and even if you haven’t seen any other MCU films it makes perfect sense. In some respects it probably is the best the MCU has to offer.

1. Avengers: Infinity War - Oh boy do I love this film. This isn’t just a film, this is the film. Did it have the same emotional impact as Endgame? Fuck no but it didn’t need to. It was serious. It was funny. It had just the right amount of just the right characters and may I just say that is the best that Captain America has ever looked in the MCU. I (controversially) really loved Gamora dying and most of the Guardians being dusted. The memes were great.This was the most ambitious cross over event since Wizards of deck with Hannah Montana. One thing that I can’t get out of my head though is Bruce’s comment of “broke up like the beatles?”. Does that make Bucky Yoko Ono?

#avengers #avengers endgame #avengers assemble #avengers age of ultron #aaou #avengers infinity war #captain america #Captain Marvel #cacw #iron man #spiderman #Spider Man: Homecoming #guardians of the galaxy #gotgvol2 #gotg #ant man #ant man and the wasp #thor #thor ragnarok #thor the dark world #loki #bucky barnes #Black Widow

[nottooldforthisship]

*CHEF fics*

- Learning to Eat by @mbpgku : Celebrity chef Louis Tomlinson has a problem. He’s opening his first restaurant in 9 weeks, and he has yet to hire a pastry chef- apparently people think he’s ‘standoffish’ and ‘rude’ and ‘quick to temper’. Whatever. He ends up saddled with an annoying, happy-go lucky rookie who also happens to be obnoxiously good looking. His tv presenter and pop star best friends only add to the drama, and for fucks sake would everyone please stop quoting Julia Child?! Kitchen AU where Harry helps Louis re-learn how to eat.  (METAPHORICALLY) (38k, M)

- Every Good Boy Deserves Cookies , by @stunning-stylinson​ : “Y-yeah?” Louis asks breathlessly, “And then?“Harry giggles and moves his bum back to meet Louis. “Add the vanilla and crack the eggs, beating it all in with salt,” Harry says.Or where Harry is a chef who teaches a class and Louis swears it’s only Harry’s bossiness that turns him on, not the recipe for cookies and Harry likes being praised. (8.5k, E)

- Feels Like Coming Home , by @phd-mama: The last thing Harry Styles expects when he’s hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that’s exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn’t heard one word from Louis, and he’s moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he’s a chef, isn’t easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he’d left turn out to be not so easily forgotten. This is a story about love and the power of forgiveness, and how the hard choices we make define us, and change our lives. (60k, E)

- Before We Evaporate ,  by  crimsontheory  : Louis Tomlinson; executive chef and owner of his own five star restaurant, been voted one of the top chefs in London, and has won several awards for his work in the kitchen. He’s always dreamed of being on Chopped, but never believed it would actually happen. Until it does. Now that he’s officially made it onto the show, there’s one tall, curly haired distraction that might just ruin everything for him.Or the kinda sorta enemies to lovers Chopped AU with far more smut than necessary. (37k, E)  

- Fool's Gold , by @freetheankles : Or the Arnacoeur AU in which Harry is scheduled to be married to Liam in 10 days and Harry’s mother hires Louis and his team to break them up. (55k, E)

- Check Please      by  zedi   :      Louis has a shit date. Harry offers to cover the bill. They maybe fall in love. (2k, NR)

*BAKER fics*

- Relief next to me , by @haydolce : AU. What happens when a baker and a graphic designer meet via a very specific Craigslist post? Fate, friendship, food, and maybe more. (333k, E)

- leave it to the breeze , by @hattalove :  or a great british bake off au in which louis cares about winning and winning only, harry is made of sunshine and rainbow sprinkles, and niall sticks his nose into other people’s business. also featuring liam as louis’s best friend-slash-concerned mother, and zayn as a macaron connoisseur. (81k, E)

- shine by @lourrynavy​ ; Louis is an actor who needs to get away from the real world. He does the only thing that he can and runs away, finding himself in a small town where he happens upon Harry. What Louis doesn’t expect is to somehow fall in love and end up having to face what he was running from all along. (40k, M)

- Tis the Season for…Love?   ,    by @afangirlfantasy:   Prompt: Harry seems to have it all: A successful career as a pastry chef, a Victorian home in London, and a dedicated boyfriend who he's been with for years.   One day he stops by his boyfriend's apartment to surprise him and finds out that he's not so dedicated to Harry after all. Shocked and too depressed to celebrate, he decides to skip Christmas and on a whim leaves on a plane to New York. In New York he meets Louis… Or...Louis might just be what Harry's needed all along. (27k, M)

-  Flour and Chocolate      by   teaandtumblr : Then he approached the display cabinet. And the foreboding slammed into him. Because every product had letters next to it. Letters. GF, DF, V, O, VGN. What. The. Fuck? Lifting his eyes to the chalkboard menu spread across the back wall Louis felt physically ill. ‘Gluten-free’, ‘organic’, ‘vegan’, ‘paleo’, ‘dair-…’ Wait, what the fuck was a paleo? He had entered some hipster-trash establishment and it was more than time to get out.  OR Louis is a single dad and Harry works at the newly opened bakery down the street.(145k, M)

- Float Down Like Autumn Leaves (Stay Now) , by @getmesometacos  : The AU in which Louis has a 6 year old daughter with a costume emergency that puts her school’s annual Halloween party at risk, Halloween decorated cupcakes are hard to find and tall men look absolutely ridiculously cute in giant vegetables costumes. Co-starring Harry, who makes really good food for the kids. Featuring Niall, who works in a bakery but has a part time job as a babysitter. And as much as he doesn’t believe in love at first (or second) sight, Louis is really infatuated and really wouldn’t mind seeing Harry again.(16k, M)

- we’re still going, eight in the morning , by @nooelgallagher​  and @yoursongonmyheart​ : Harry washes his hands quickly before grabbing his phone. His screen lights up to 3 notifications.DJTommo is now following you!@DJTommo mentioned you in a tweet!Direct Message from @DJTommo!Harry yelps, throwing his phone to Niall who just barely catches it.Niall looks down at the phone, seeing first the tweet, then the DM. He tosses the phone back to Harry, who nearly drops it. “What are ya doing, mate! Answer him!”Harry thinks for a moment about what he wants to say. This is his chance to actually talk to Louis Tomlinson. Louis Tomlinson messaged him directly. He can say anything he wants. He begins typing, his fingers shaky.Niall comes over to stand next to Harry and peers down, looking to see what he wrote. When he does, he lets out a groan….Or, the one where Harry owns a bakery, Louis is a radio DJ, and Niall and Liam roll their eyes at their incessant flirting. (31k, E)

- taste on my tongue , by @bethaboolou : Louis Tomlinson, second place winner on TXF four years ago, is looking to reinvent his career. Harry Styles is a baker who is desperate for a bakery of his own.Louis doesn’t bake. Or cook. Or know how to use an oven.Take Louis. Take Harry. Add in a heaping cup of sexual tension. Another cup of delicious (and not so delicious) food. A smidgen of competitive spirit. A dash of hopes and dreams. And you get Kitchen Wars, a TV show that promises to be the must-watch event of the fall. (77k, E)

- come away with me , by @suspendrs: Or, Louis has to pick up the pieces of his and his daughter’s life after his wife dies, and Harry is a beautiful stranger that just wants to help. (80k, NR)

- Whether Clouds or Clear Skies , by @onewasturning :   “You, young Harold, are a baker among curry houses and vintage clothing stores,” Louis says, and it forces a bark of surprised laughter out of Harry.  “I’m a— sorry, what?”  “Harry,” Louis says, “last night I had an experience bordering on profound.”  “You’re making it sound like you did something sexual with my muffin,” Harry says. Or, Louis gets into the habit of stealing baked goods while Harry’s busy keeping tabs on the weather. (25k, E)

- Every Story Ever Told , by @all-these-larrythings : Becoming a best-selling author isn’t as difficult as Louis would have guessed. It seems all you need these days is the perfect blend of alcohol induced philosophy, complete disregard for one’s dignity, a live blog about how fucked love is, and a bored publisher interested enough to offer him a deal. (54k, NR)

- Skin New, Hands True, My Hands All Over You , by PearlyDewdrops   : Harry designs wedding cakes, so of course meeting blissfully happy couples every day is part of his job description. Unfortunately, it’s caused Harry to perpetually hope each new day is the one he’ll find love, too. That is, until Harry realises everything he’s ever wanted is right under his nose in the shape of his best friend, Louis. But predictably, Harry only comes to this epiphany when Louis starts seeing someone else. And this is not a John Hughes movie as far as Harry is aware. Everyone else is pretty sure, though. Featuring a heavy dose of pining, copious amounts of alcohol, drunk dialing that results in a situation reminiscent of Rachel Green’s, a ginger cat that likes to interrupt intimate moments, and a Halloween party that changes everything. (44k, E)

* RESTAURANT OWNER fics*

- all the lights are full of colour, by @infinitelymint : So, fast-forwarding eight years from the day Harry met Louis, he is now a twenty-seven year old owner of one of the most up-and-coming eating establishments on the London restaurant scene, father of two wonderful boys and… separated from his husband. Now, that last part definitely was never a part of the original plan.  Or, Harry and Louis are separated, but for the sake of their two sons, they choose to spend Christmas together. It may just lead to a Christmas miracle. (26k, E)

- You'll Hear Me Calling for You , by  pinky_heaven19  : OR the one where Harry is an Alpha and Louis has a problem with it - until he doesn't. (42k, E)

- Let's Go Get Away , by @letsjustsee : Or, a fluffy AU in which Louis owns a restaurant that's next door to Harry's shop, and Louis is completely unaware how smitten he really is. (7k, NR)

* FOOD BLOGGING fics*

- 'Til I Tasted You  , by @icanhazzalou : Louis is Harry Styles' biggest fan. It doesn't matter that Harry is famous for being a food blogger and Louis can't cook to save his life.At least, until Harry offers to give Louis a cooking lesson. Then it matters just a teensy bit. (14k, E)

#mine #fic rec #my fic rec #I probably missed a lot of them #in the chef part #anyway #here you go anon :)

[ankaaz]

I’ve decided that infinite universe barista Willo’ goal in life is to try and get the reader and sakusa together, as well as atsumu and iko(I think that was her name lol).

I know all their orders, and I give them free food when I can. And I just try to casually nudge them in the direction of the other person. Kind of like a “oh you should get them this, they would like it.” And oh, oh I’ll write notes on their cups. I love writing little notes on cups lol. Sakusa would eventually learn to accept my crappy writing. Ugh, I really would salivate over Sakusa and Atsumu’ outfits though.

I read the latest chapter, and I’m excited to see what happens 💕. Sprinkled in jellyfish facts, your writing and sakusa all in one story? Magnificent. I loved the interactions between the reader and sakusa in the story. And I was able to imagine I was in the museum and whatnot. Lol, I feel like I haven’t reviewed anything in awhile, so it’s a mess of words (probably was before though who am I kidding)

My fave character is inumaki and maki HE WAS SO ADORABLE IN THE MOVIE, I COULD BARELY HANDLE IT AND SHE WAS SO BADASS.

Apparently I have to work on my facial expressions at work. My manager could tell I was annoyed at one point. And that caused me to get nervous so I asked my cousin, if my facial expressions when I’m annoyed are really that bad. She said they’re murderous. I get this really blank look on my face, but like in a killer kinda way apparently. I said “hey that’s main character energy” she was like “more like antagonist energy” So now I’m the villain in all the fantasy realm daydreaming 😌. But irl, I do need to work on it, because I have absolutely no face filter lol 🥲. I swear I’m nice, I just can look scary apparently.

Oof, I’ve only read one book so far this year. Daughter of the Moon Goddess. I loved it so much omg. But I really Asian fairytales lol. Your math book sounds a bit much for my math-illiterate brain lol. I binge-read kny and oh how I inserted myself in that story even though in reality I would die so fast.

yesssss, I fully support this haha, especially because a cafe is going to be a central part of Event Horizon 😌 (and yeah, Iko! technically the reader in IO doesn't have a name, but I think Iko suits her if she were to be an oc). please, Sakusa and Atsumu both know how to dress... and even if they were just in athletic gear they'd make it look amazing haha

ahh thank you so much!! i have a good portion of the fic written already, so i'm hoping for consistent bi-weekly updates hehe. the convos between the two were really fun to write and so i hope you enjoy reading them! the museum was vv fun to write and also their first interaction, which was a mess but man, who i love meet uglies rather than meet cutes haha

inumaki!!! gah i love him too, and yessss maki is such a badass. both wonderful characters! i can't wait to see them shine

BAHAHA i'm sorry but the visual image of you with a murderous expression making coffee is so funny. it makes me think of you being a magical barista in a fantasy world where the machines have minds of their own and coffees can have boosts like good luck or energy added to them, and the machines sass you so you just glare at them and they sullenly work properly. but speaking of villain daydreaming here's some great songs to day dream to haha

that's on my TBR!! i've heard lots of good things about it! and haha yeah, it's quite the read. usually I breeze through 400 pg books, but this one is taking me a hot minute. and dude me too, KNY is so great but i'd be taken out so quick. not even just about the danger, but like the sheer grossness of the demons would have me fighting with hairspray and a lighter and bleach... which breathing style do you think you'd want to use?? i'm caught between thunder and water haha.

#mailbox <3

[ofhowls]

WANTED CONNECTIONS ! below you’ll find a list of wanted connections, please fill them before i commit sewer-side. if you wanna talk, you wanna discuss – send me a message on discord ( jayden#7437 ) ! okay, that’s all.

alvarez, odette – quick summary: twenty-nine, cancer, has a daughter ( ava: played by lane ), engaged ( nicolas: played by pj ), is a florist because life’s a joke, kind of hot-headed, has a messy past we don’t talk about, would beat someone up 10/10, don’t test her, drives an ugly pick-up truck ( bella’s from twilight, don’t ask ) and owns a fluffy kitten named mango. 

plot one – mother: long story short, her mom was around 16 when she had her ( would now be in her mid 40′s ), was a prostitute who didn’t care and was all around a trash human being. odette moved into foster homes before she turned 6 and she was in and out of them throughout her entire childhood. when odette had ava, however, she moved back in. and their relationship turned messier real fast. she moved back out at eighteen and has been staying away from her mom ever since. her mom only ever contacts her for money, she’s that bitch. fc could be salma hayek, but any mexican fc in that age range is a1.

plot two – sister from another mister: odette lived on the street in her teens, often running away from foster homes because they were GROSS. i want someone from her past in sheffield. i really, really want their relationship to have been like them kiddos in the movie thirteen ( 2003 ), you know? like hella ride or die but also toxic af. fc doesn’t matter but white people are gross so a person of colour, mayhaps? they’d be either her age or older, and obviously a womf because she hates men.

* NEW ! plot three – butler: look, she’s marrying rich and i’ve already established that she’s best buds with the butler. he’s old, he’s nice, they’re just having a good time together. all that i know about him is … just that, cool! he’s worked with the talbots for ages so, you get like +3484 plots with this one. do it, i beg of you. jeremy irons is a snack and so is jeff goldblum. think about it. 

apolskis, julian – quick summary: twenty, leo, has had cancer come and go since he was 10, is a bit of an asshole, its a defence mechanism though, lost his leg a year ago, has a sister ( kitty: played by lane ), currently dating ( micah: played by patty ), is in a band, plays drums, has a deadbeat dad that his mom sends fake happy bday cards from. 

plot one – father: basically, back in the good old days ( about 11 years ago ), julian and his family lived in seattle. living their best life. and then, he got diagnosed with cancer. in came the bills and his father split. he’s been out of their lives ever since, not really giving a hot diddly darn about his son – or the rest of the family, not that i care about them. he’d be in his mid 40′s or older by now. any white male fc would work but hugh dancy is dear to me. 

* NEW ! plot two – hospital buddy: give me a friend for this motherfricker, okay? someone who might be sick, too. someone who’s been at the hospital with him, someone who knows that struggle of DYING. you feel me? this person can literally be 80 years old, i don’t care! as long as they’ve spent some time in care with my boy, maybe even roomed with him, it’s all good.

atkins, scarlett – quick summary: nineteen, gemini, mother’s a dead socialite, father is an alive asshole, used to smang her step-brother ( milo: played by pj ) before he ditched her, was kind of the queen bee before she ghosted on all her “friends” for a fancy college, got kicked out of said college for an adderall addiction, is now at rock bottom and forced to hang with the losers, super manipulative and selfish, kind of got a rough exterior. 

plot one – old friend: i really want someone who used to be friends with her either before she became miss popular or before they graduated. either way, she would’ve ditched them for bigger and better. i want beef, i want dramas – i want this bitch to suffer. before she hung with the it crowd she was a freaking mathlete, so don’t you forget it. honestly, cady heron is SHAKING. i say as i stole it from lindsay weir, whatever. she was also a cheerleader in her later years, if that helps. i’m very cliche. they’d be like nineteen, and preferably a womf but i’m not picky. 

* NEW ! plot two – father: all you gotta know about ray atkins, is that he’s garbage. he’s a rich bitch, the richest damn dude in town, and he cares approximately NOT AT ALL about his daughter. he’s constantly going back and forth between pushing her to achieve things and not acknowledging her presence. it’s a hard knock life. rape tw // there was also an instance where scout experienced assault at a party and he blamed her for drinking, so … not the nicest. on top of that, he doesn’t allow scout to speak french in the house ( her mother was french, uwu ), and that’s MEAN. anyways, any white/puerto rican man in his 40′s and up will work. 

baek, wolfgang – quick summary: thirty-five, capricorn, loves horror films and has made quite a few, dad is a famous director ( bigger in korea than the states ), has triplets because his dick is that powerful, went from mr. friend zone to mr. i’m sorry i gave you three babies at once, sort-of-dating ( ziba: played by patty ) really talkative and amazing, works at blockbuster because that’ll support a family, am i right, lads?

plot one – work pal: he’s at work a lot, ok? and he needs friends. it’s a win/win. i need someone for him to do stupid work stuff with, make working a fun experience! i want a squad like in chuck, you know? if you don’t know what i’m talking about then superstore, if you still don’t know what i’m talking about then why are you still here? age don’t matter but i would prefer if they were close in age. gender, who cares. bye.

plot two – partner in crime: basically, he makes a lot of indie flicks. he actually only moved to sheffield to work on a screenplay but… it’s been a while. i need someone who makes movies with him, though. a co-director or someone he keeps casting as the lead because bros, ok? once again, preferably close in age, gender doesn’t matter.

* NEW ! plot three – cousin: i mean, hewwo? most of his extended family is back in korea, but – but – i could imagine his aunt or uncle would’ve moved to the us shortly after his parents did. so, a cousin would be neat! someone his age, someone he can talk to about childhood stuff, someone who understands his unspoken rivalry with his father, someone to babysit his kids. they would’ve lived in florida after moving to the us, thirty and up and preferably a dude. i like dudes. but a woman would work as well. not to mention, half or fully korean!

bellefleur, kipling – quick summary: forty-eight, capricorn, born and raised in louisiana, has two kids he don’t know about ( lucia: played by britt, jude: played by patty ), a cop at the police station, lives alone with no pets because god hates him, got a partner ( elliot: played by lane ) but not in the gay way, unfortunately heterosexual, kinda grumpy, kinda just annoyingly white. 

* NEW ! plot one – hook-up: kip is a sexual being, believe it or not! and sometimes, a mans need a nut bust. he’s a great lover, i swear. but he’s not a great mans when it comes to the romantics. he does have two kids he don’t know of, after all. just give me someone he visits late at night, ignores in public and have fake deep convos with whilst sharing a cigarette in bed. really painting a picture here, aren’t i? unlike other fathers in this town, he has no interest in sleeping with someone his child’s age, so –– thirties and up!

cheung, beatrice – quick summary: twenty-five, aries, middle school teacher, a big fucking lesbian, dating ( kaylee: played by patty )super sociable and outgoing, literally loves partying and hanging out with the youths, self-proclaimed big sister to just about every teen out there, works part-time as a waitress at the diner, used to be engaged but we don’t talk about that, foster kid with no connection to blood-related family. 

plot one – coworker: someone at the diner! just someone to have her back, to gossip with, to hang out with after shifts, to just be gal pals with, you know? she needs more gal pals. i love throwing movie references in there, but – think whiplash with ellen page. that kind of aesthetic, that kinda shit. from mid to late twenties, a woman because i don’t care for men. 

plot two – pseudo-sibling: i want her to really play the big sister role with someone! have a little baby she can pass all her heaux wisdom down on. just a wee bean that she considers a little sibling of sorts. she could even house them for a bit since she’s back to living alone! they’d have to be in their teens and gender, once again, does not matter!

* NEW ! plot three – foster sibling: she already has like fifteen, so give her another. tris is probably the youngest among the bunch and owen ( played by fanny ) is somewhere in the middle. it’s just a nice jewish household that fostered a lot kids, cool? any fc, any ethnicity, any gender! just older than twenty-five, is all i’m asking. neat, thank you for coming to my ted talk. 

cowell, stefan – quick summary: twenty-nine, scorpio, construction worker, married ( lumen: played by pj ), got a little sister who he always fights with ( arella: played by kt, whenever she returns to us ), hates dogs, kind of a prick, a huge prick actually, sort of running from the law but like on the low-key, always 100% done with just about everyone’s shit. 

plot one – work buddy: like i said, he works construction. and i want him to have one friend. like a singular friend. someone to grab a beer with, someone who he doesn’t wanna strangle. it’ll be a miracle but it’s a miracle i deserve damnit. they’d have to be in their late twenties or older, a dude and any fc. 

plot two – neighbour: it sounds like a basic plot, but i promise you – it’s worth it! i want him to have a god damn family feud plot going on, okay? i want them to fight, i want neighbours ( 2013 ) as a plot on tumblr dot com. i want him to hate them and i want them to hate him. fc don’t matter! gender don’t matter! preferably around his age or older, though. 

halonen, oliver – quick summary: thirty, aquarius, part-time mechanic, part-time bartender ( think coyote ugly because that’s hot ), used to be engaged ( marty: played by tasha ), got a fake daughter ( pauline: played by pj ), has some slight drug issues she’s working out atm, also her dad’s back from the dead ( uriah: played by lane ), she’s super nice and cute and you should all love her sarcastic ass. 

plot one – work friend: i feel like i just want everyone to have coworkers, but listen… i genuinely just do. either someone that works as a mechanic alongside her or another bartender who sometimes uses their bod for tips, it’s all good. i want her to have one friend her own god damn age, you know? they’d have to be a gal because men are smelly. age would be around her own and that’s it!

plot two – dealer: listen… drugs come from somewhere. and even if she’s not currently using, i’d love for her to have that dynamic. maybe she owes them money, we can make it hella messy or we can make them chill pals, idc! i just need her dealer her and i need them to push some drugs. plus it’s a buy one get one for free type of deal ( see my plots for ed further down ). i want them to be a little older than herself but other than that it’s free for interpretation. 

* NEW ! plot three – drug bud: this bitch is from texas and this bitch did a lot of drugs in texas. she spent her early twenties high as fuck, overdosed at 24 and then got clean. legend? yes. she’s got a lot of good influences, aside from one particular asshole, and i just want her to be more pulled into old habits! let her have some friends from her old life of criminality and drugs come to sheffield and shake things up. any fc and gender, though they’d have to be in their 30′s!

hodgins, nathaniel – quick summary: twenty-one, gemini, works as chef at the pub, skipped college to help his mama with the bills, got a cutie-patootie golden retriever, dad is in prison after a drunk driving accident that killed a 10 year old, moved to sheffield a few years ago for a fresh start, a big ass home of sexual, has a crush on a comp het ( vince: played by pj ), loves his mother more than anything, only child, conceals trauma with humour and bad puns. 

* NEW ! plot one – ex-something: now, i’m not saying they dated. i’m saying they hooked up and it never lead anywhere. it can be angsty, it can be fine, it can be a garbage fire. we can work out the details whenever, i’m cool like that. any fc and any gender, though preferably in their early twenties!

holstad, damian – quick summary: eighteen, aries, the biggest fuccboi you’ve ever laid your eyes upon, fucked your girlfriend ( and he meant it ), brother to the biggest loser in town ( lou: played by tasha ), parties every weekend, best friends with the second biggest fuccboi in town ( artemus: played by nico ), kinda soft but he won't ever let you know that, has a crush on his brother’s bff ( pauline: played by pj ).

plot one – ex-girlfriend: it’s simply unrealistic that he hasn’t dated at least one of the fifty bazillion girls he’s smanged. now, it’s probable they didn’t last more than a few months but its still a plot I NEED. she’d be either a junior or senior in high school right now. so, either graduating now or next year. face claim don’t matter. it’s possible he cheated, he’s an asshole like that.

* NEW ! plot two – more fuccpeople: at this point, i’m collecting them. there are a bunch of fuccbois in damian’s life right now, and i need there to be more. there needs to be a whole fracking pack of them. just running around town, smanging ladies and taking names. could’ve played football with him, could’ve graduated with him, could’ve just lived next door – i dunno! around eighteen… a boy, or a girl! fuccgirls are VALID too. 

kinney, sawyer – quick summary: twenty, sagittarius, volunteers at animal shelter, studying to become a vet, loves animals more than she’ll ever love a man, has a rescued bunny named waffles, her parents died in a car-crash we don’t talk about it, has a younger brother ( grayson: played by patty ), soccer is her life, also wanna fuck the soccer coach ( elliot: played by lane ), her first ‘kiss’ was a dare at age 5 with her cousin ( holden: played by pj ) for an ice cream, did i mention she loves animals, takes virginities for charity, happened once but i demand its a thing now, boinking mr edgelord ( quentin: played by pj ).

plot one – team mates: soccer is cool! soccer is for champions! she’s currently the team captain of the local all-girls soccer team, i know – such a title. and i want her to have more of a team. so gather up your gals in their late teens to early twenties and kick some balls around!

plot two – ex-boyfriend: before she swiped virginities and had sex with boys who love serial killers, she probably had a steady boyfriend. kind of a puppy-love-they’ll-probably-get-married-straight-out-of-high-school relationship, you know? they probably broke up because they were way too young and it was more of an availability thing rather than genuine attachment. does that make sense? it’s a small town! their parents probably loved their child’s respective partner than they loved each other. 20-22, any boy of any fc i’m not picky.

* NEW ! plot three – enemy: it’s a hard plot to ask for, but i request you hear me out. she never fights with anyone. she’s SO NICE. a walking mary sue, i swear. and she’s just friends with everyone. it’s boring! give me someone that gets under her skin! someone for her to absolutely fucking hate! for no reason or for a reason, idk! around twenty-one, any gender.

larsen, margaret – quick summary: forty-two, libra, has one terrible son ( teddy: played by lane ), though she loves him more than anything, left the country because she was a hoe, mortician, got knocked up by her professor that one time, kind of boinking her son’s bandmate ( holden: played by pj ), doing her best all the time but keeps on making mistakes, the biggest mama-bear you’ll ever stumble upon. 

plot one – ex-hook-up: listen, she left the states to study in the uk – mostly to get away from her parents – but also because she had a bit of a reputation. like, a really bad one. so if you have a character, or want to play a character, that grew up in sheffield and are in their forties… wink wonk. that’s it. that’s the plot. 

* NEW ! plot two – hater, hater: peggy was a skank in her youth, okay? she was a downright slut and she probably rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. she most likely still does! so, i want some judgmental hoes up in this bitch. i want them to bicker and i want it to be very small-town-desperate-housewives-esque. any lady. preferably around her age range, would’ve lived in sheffield all her life.

* NEW ! plot three – best friend: peggy only ever speaks to kids, it’s weird. give her. bud, and like i said above… desperate housewives is a fucking neat ass show. they can drink wine and they can gossip and they can judge her for the people she’s sleeping with. or, well, person. any woman in her 40′s, please and thank.

mullin, casper – quick summary: fifteen, aries, fucking love aliens, the government is lying to y’all, has got a whole ass squad of friends, kinda gay for one of them ( eli: played by pj ), kinda intimidated by another ( ava: played by lane ), if it wasn't obvious he’s a gay, has a pupper that means the world to him, always investigates creepy shit because he is that white person.

plot one – disgraced nuclear physicist: you heard me. basically just the plot of back to the future. someone a bit ( a lot ) older than casper himself that kinda takes him under their wing. they’re as nutty as him when it comes to conspiracy theories, and maybe they feed his ideas and stuff when it comes to the shit going on in town. please and thank you. 

pearce, minoo – quick summary: twenty-one, aquarius, the biggest of edgelords, expert in stick n poke tattoos, hates her family, loves their big ass dog, a military brat, skated pretty much everywhere because she’s a walking cliche, not anymore though cause her bff broke it ( vince: played by pj ), invented grunge, would kill herself for the lead singer of zero boys, wants her mom to die ( rachel: played by lane ), wants the cop who's trying to get in her pants to die even more ( sera: played by tasha ), almost dropped out of high school fifty times but i forgot to make it canon. 

* NEW ! plot one – enemy: i love enemies. anyways, mj is a fucking bitch. she’s so edgy, she’s not like other girls, and she definitely would end up in a fight with just about anybody. there’s no way in HECK there aren’t people in town who hate her guts. they could’ve gone to college with her, they could’ve gone to high school with her, i dunno! i just want her to FIGHT. preferably a girl, preferably in her age range. 

oswalt, kevin – quick summary: nineteen, virgo, had the most tumultuous of childhoods involving both kidnapping and murder, she doesn’t talk about it, has sort-of-a-boyfriend ( jamie: played by pj ), and a definitely best friend ( pippa: played by lane ), currently living with her father ( dalton: played by britt ) without the knowledge that she’s his daughter, her life is messy, she likes books and writing, thinks sheffield is kinda fascinating, the biggest of nerds, kinda awkward but we forgive her. 

plot one – brother: we already have her father, mother ( marion: played by nesh ), and two sisters ( lila: played by luna, and hazel: played by fanny ), and now all that’s missing is the second youngest kid! he’d be like 21 years old, white with blue eyes because that’s a trait near and dear to us, and … a dude-bro. we have this hc that he’s in a band and kinda just does his own thing. free-spirit. also, to summarise the family history REAL QUICK – you can ask for more deets – kev got kidnapped, family fell apart, marion and dalton got divorced, the kids chose sides, markus ( the brother ) chose to stay neutral, they moved away while dalton stayed, and now they’re all back. 

plot two – study pal: not quite as in-depth as the one above, but! she needs a study pal. she’s currently attending the local college and she has zero friends who actually go to school. give me someone for her to work on stupid projects with, someone she’s forced to get to know and get out of her comfort zone with. they’d be 19-20 and fc/gender has no importance. 

sutton, eduardo – quick summary: fifty-two, taurus, literal fucking drug-lord, gang leader, owns the silhouette bar outside of town, loves his daughter a lot ( carmen: played by britt ), never smoked a weed in his life, jk, lost his wife a bazillion years ago, now banging the woman who failed save her ( lorelai: played by patty ), has three dogs which he kinda loves more than his daughter, killed a lot of mens in his life, just all around a good dude. 

plot one – brother: ed comes from an cuban-catholic family from new orleans and his father was kind of an asshole but his mom was alright. however, he was always closest to his little brother. so please, for the love of god, play him. you’ll get to play an uncle if you do, it’s pretty hot. any cuban fc in their late forties would work, but raul esparza is a hot fucking take. 

plot two – gang members: he’s a gang leader, ok? he needs more to lead. they hang out at the silhouette bar, push drugs through town and are all around just a good group of people. give me all of them to be honest. think the southside serpents from riverdale. or whatever they’re called in sons of anarchy. fc and gender and stuff don’t matter, however – ed would never allow someone under twenty-five. he’s a family man. 

talbot, mikhail – quick summary: thirty, pisces, the softest boy you’ll ever meet, a nurse at the local hospital, got a kid on the way, dating a ginger bitch ( liza: played by pj ), best friends with his cousin ( nic: also played by pj ), best friends with his ex ( emma: played by lane and not pj ) coaches the kids football team during his spare time, also works a couple of shifts at his father’s ( robert: played by luna ) hardware store, really just genuinely fucking nice, kinda depressed but you’d never know. 

plot one – high school friends: he’s lived in sheffield his whole life. he was on the football team, he was popular – he was a fun dude to hang with. it’s unrealistic none of his high school friends stuck around. so! give me a couple of those. they can be anybody as long as they’re around thirty years old.

plot two – kids to coach: self-explanatory, really. but if you want to play a kid on the football team, speak now or forever hold your peace. teens, boys probably because sports ball is sexist, just someone for him to coach and teach the way of sports ball life. 

weathers, elizabeth – quick summary: forty-two, sagittarius, freaking neurotic, forgets her own son ( eli: played by pj ), remembers her other every now and again ( jesse: played by nico ), wishes she could forget her husband ( andy: played by lane ), her bestest and smallest son was taken from her almost two years ago, yes this plot came before she was winona ryder don’t judge me, stay at home mom yet has no reason to stay at home.

* NEW ! plot one – emotional support: the woman lost her son, she needs like a mom support group on facebook. she needs someone who understands her loss. maybe someone who’s lost their own kid, obviously not to a giant bunny, but it’d still be kind of relatable. someone she can discuss her divorce plans with, you know? a woman in her forties, i’ll accept nothing else. 

#all posts / ooc.

[legit-min-yoongi-trash-tho]

BTS Intro Post

Title; BTS Intro Post

Genre; Info(??)

Type; Intro Post

Group/Member; BTS – OT7

Authors Notes; Enjoy! I’m soo terribly sorry it’s so late! Hope it’s what you wanted!! 😊 Also this is a rlly rlly long post with lots of facts and photos so um ye...have fun. Tbh all this post does is just prove what a big ‘ol piece of trash i am because 95% of these facts were from memory, I typed all dis shit out guys...im fuckin dead now. These are all facts from websites that I remember, certain nicknames are not necessarily what I call them but some dso. kbye 😊 x

{Requested}

oKAY SO SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND GET YO FEELS READY FOR BTS AKA BANGTANSONYEONDAN AKA BULLETPROOF BOY SCOUTS, AKA BEYOND THE SCENE, AKA THESE 7 DORKS WE STAN FOR SOME REASON!!

First up is Kim Seokjin {Jin, Jinnie, Mamma Jin, Princess Jin, Eomma/Eomma Jin, Pink Princess, Eat-Jin, Third Guy From The Left, Car Door Guy, Mr Worldwide Handsome, Seokjinnie}. Jin is the oldest brother, the oldest hyung in BTS and is basically their mother and let’s be honest our mother too.

Some facts;

 Born in Gwacheon, Gyeonggi-do, South Korea – it looks like dis;

 He’s got a papa, mamma, and hyung

 He majored in film at Konkuk University

 BTS be placin’ him as #1 visuals…I mean…he is gorgeous

 He has the longest legs & widest shoulders (60cm)

 He does this “traffic dance” which is adorable and you should go check it out, you won’t regret it

 He speaks a lil Chinese (Mandarin)

 Lil Jinnie usually cleans up the dorms (because he’s literally bangtans mum)

 He also rlly likes Disney princesses which is adorable

 He’s a v v good cook and has said he’s happiest when he’s with food (relatable jin m8)

 Fave number = 4

 Fave colour = blue (used to be pink, I think he still has a soft spot for it tho)

 Fave weather = spring sunlight

 Jin started playing Super Mario at like age 5 and Maple Story in Seventh Grade (Year 7) and he still plays them 😊

 When he’s hungry his left eye blinks a lot

 Fave foods = lobster, meat, Naegmyun, chicken, and greasy foods

 He’s friends with Jin Hyosang (Kidoh) from ToppDogg as Kidoh was under Big Hit Entertainment but left in 2012 and switched to Stardom Entertainment

 His role model is T.O.P from BIGBANG (same boi, same)

 He has lots of Nintendo games and Action Figures

 When he was younger he wanted to be a detective

 He wears rlly strong prescription glasses but doesn’t like wearing them because he’ll become insecure (I think we can all agree that Jinnie bean would look absolutely adorable in glasses??)

 He has a cute lil dog named JJanggu

 He likes Alpacas

 Jin can play guitar and piano

 He says V is the member he’s the closest to

 Jin says if he’d get a day off he would want Suga to be his servant so he an order him around

 If he were a girl, he said he would date Jimin because he is shy and someone like Jimin would help him open up and be social

 Jungkook and Jin bicker a lot, and a taxi driver once thought they were twins because of their nonstop bickering

 He likes strawberries but not strawberry flavoured things (yO SAME THO)

 He makes a lot of dad jokes (goals)

 Suga is the only one who doesn’t laugh when he makes dad jokes

 Jin said that looking at bugs isn’t scary, but if they get on his body, that’s rlly scary

 He dieted for a year, only eating chicken breasts ☹

 He is friends with B1A4’s Sandeul, they even went to an amusement park together

 He’s also friends with VIXX’s Ken and Lee Won Keun

 Jin sang the OST of “Hwarang” alongside V, which is Part 2 – “It’s Definitely You” (can find it here)

 He was casted in Law of the Jungle in Kota Manado but left earlier than the other cast because BTS had an abroad concert that time

 After BTS attended the BBMAS (Billboard Music Awards), Jin got a lot of attention (internationally) for his v good looks

Other members about Jin;

 Jimin; “He’s the oldest, but he likes to whine” [after school club] / “He’s like a grandma”

 Jungkook; “Jin-Hyung looks manly and he’s chic like a wolf but personality-wise, he’s carefree so he’s sloth-like (laughs). He’s really nice and he’s also a good cook, so we call him ‘granny’ between us”

 Suga; “A wolf”

 V; “Prince”

 J-Hope; “A princess”

 Jin’s ideal girl is a girl whose looks and personality is similar to that of a puppy, who’s hood at cooking, kind and takes good care of him

Summary; Literal princess, BTS & army’s mother, loves food and cooking, a beautiful man wHO NEEDS MORE RECOGNITION PLS AND MORE LINES ISTG I WILL WALK ALL THE WAY TO SOUTH KOREA FROM ENGLAND ALL THE WAY TO BIG HIT AND DEMAND THIS SHIT

Okay so next up is my ultimate bias (in case you couldn’t tell) Min Yoongi {Suga, AgustD, Yoongles, Min PD, Syub Syub, Motionless Min, Genius (self-proclaimed but I can reveal that this is a true fact m8), Min Monarch, Min Suga, D Boy, Sub-Energy}. Yoongi is the second oldest in BTS and probs the most savage human upon the planet, he often seems like the grandpa of the group but he can also be kinda childish and lively sometimes ^_^

Some facts;

 He was born in Buk-gu, Daegu, South Korea – it looks like dis;

 He has a pappa, mamma, and hyung

 He attended/attends Global Cyber University

 Yoongles is usually in charge of fixing the things Rap Monster breaks. He changes lightbulbs, fixes the toilet etc (handyman ayyee 😉 )

 He is like the father or grandpa of BTS

  Although Rap Monster revealed that he sometimes acts like a 5 yr old (same m8, same)

  He usually scolds and nags the younger members when they make mistakes

  Yoongi chose to become a rapper after listening to “Fly” by Epik High

  His role models are; Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, Lil Wayne, and Hit Boy

  He has a driving license but doesn’t usually drive

  Yoongi loves to play basketball and when he was a trainee he played basketball every Sunday

 He is quite blunt and straightforward, a trait of many ppl from Daegu

 When he was younger he wanted to be an architect

 His hobbies include reading comics, basketball, playing games, and taking pictures

 He writes/composes lyrics daily, and even writes lyrics when he’s in the waiting room, car, or even the toilet (dedicatioooon)

 He wrote the song ‘촣아요’ (Like It) under 40 minutes

 If he has a problem he usually talks to Rap Monster because their age gap is small, they have things in common, and they’ve known each other for quite some time

 Fave food = meat, meat, meat (same tho)

 Fave number = 3

 Fave colour = white

Suga comes from a poor family, in an interview he disclosed; “After we debuted, I went back to the dorm and sat there blankly staring. I could not believe that me, a kid from a poor daegu family, would be able to make it”. (you made it bby, so proud omf)

He speaks with a satoori accent when he’s nervous and when he cries ;-;

His ideal date would be something simple, “For me, just an ordinary date...I want to watch a movie, walk and would like to eat together”

When asked which member would he bring on a deserted island for 3 years, he answered Jimin.

Suga; “Jimin. To boss around. (LOL) Just kidding. I don’t talk a lot, I’m not the fun type, but Jimin is pleasant and mature, so I think it’d work out.”

Would date Jin if he were a girl

He loves taking photos (same)

His bad habit is biting his nails (also same ;-; )

3 things he likes are; sleeping, quiet places, places with no people

3 things he dislikes are; dancing, loud places, places where there are people crowding around

Fave weather; where you can wear short sleeves in the day and long sleeves at night

He thinks his looks are 50 out of 100; “Truthfully, when I see myself I think I’m ugly” (um liess boi, ur fuckin gorgeous so like…ye)

Other members about Suga;

Jin; “He likes being attached to his bed. He has a variety of knowledge and always gives help with that knowledge. I’m fascinated as to where he gets that weird knowledge from.”

J-Hope; “Is cool. His personality is quite strong on his own thoughts. Pretends not to care when he does. Seems like he’s all over the place, but is quite careful. That kind of personality. (Ah!! Personality where he only just shows strength ㅋㅋ)”

V; “He really has a lot of knowledge. He’s quite cool on stage. Cool and amazing. No answer to him being lethargic.”

Jeongguk; “He’s like a grandpa. But his passion towards music is overflooding. He also has a lot of knowledge. But he’s still a grandpa.”

Rap Monster; “Lingers on things more than you would think. He’s really timid once you get to know him. Full of random information. Grandpa. Although he seems cool – never… no no… Wants to be loved. Likes music. Has passion and stubbornness. Says what he wants to and can say everything well in front. Has style.”

Jimin; “He talks too much in front of you. He doesn’t hesitate, and although this is my personal thoughts, he likes being loved by the members ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ”

His ideal type is a girl who likes music, especially hip hop. He says he doesn’t really care about looks. He also wants a girl who can be very active when he wants to and very silent when he wants to. A girl that will always be by his side (boy im here, sign me tf up)

He has a male doggo named Holly and she’s deffo his weakness

Summary; The lethargic turtle of BTS with a both a savage side and a cutesy side that spits literal fire that needs to be protected imo. He is a lil been who can act 5yrs old one second and then act like an 80yr old man the next.

Now we have the actual sun personified, Jung Hoseok {J-Hope, Hobi, Hopi, Hoseokie, Sunshine boy, Your Hope, Your Angel, Hope, J-Horse}. Hobi is basically literal sunshine and so sweet. He has the voice of an angel and can also rap like a gOD, he’s also the main dancer for BTS and he has major skillz m8.

Some facts;

Born in Gwangju, South Korea

He got a mamma, pappa, and noona

He went to Gwangju Global High School; & Global Cyber University

Before he debuted, he hated doing aegyo but now he’s changed his mind (and we love his aegyo obvs)

Hobi and B.A.P’s Zelo went to the same academy for rap and dance in Gwangju

In his pre-debut days, he was part of a street dance team called NEURON

He won an underground dance battle and even performed at a festival (go hobiii) 😊

Initially he auditioned for JYP Entertainment, together with B.A.P’s Youngjae and Halo’s Dino

Fave colour = green

He has a cute doggo named Mickey

Hobi hates working out and exercising (I relate)

Used to be a tennis player in elementary school and played in competitions. He once received a bronze medal, out of 3 team competitors

He rlly likes melodramatic movies and remembers watching a lot of DVD’s when he was a kid, since his father also likes movies

His role models are; A$AP Rocky, J. Cole, Beenzino, G.D

He says he is closest to Jungkook

J-Hope’s motto “If you don’t work hard, there won’t be good results”

He likes visiting the Fancafe when he has time because he needs to know what are fans saying (always there for us armies)

When having problems or worries he would share them with Rap Monster or Suga (so cute 😊 )

When he was younger he was quite famous in the Gwangju dance underground

Things he wants to steal from other members is Jimin’s chocolate abs, Rap Monster’s rap skill and his good English

His ideal date; “I love the sea, I would like to walk down to the beach and hold hands (laughs)”

Other members about J-Hope;

Jimin’s first impression about J-Hope; “The first person I met was J-Hope. He was very friendly to me, ‘Excuse me, Jimin.’. So, I remembered J-Hope the most.”

Jimin about J-Hope’s mean side; “J-Hope is bright guy, laugh a lot and has become hopeful like his name. J-Hope has good energy that effects everyone in a good way and I think J-hope is awesome. And people think he’s always nice and innocent. But, inside his smiley face, there’s an evil living there. J-Hope winds me up all the time but never stop smiling even when he does that. But you can never punch someone who looks so happy like that. One day, I was sleeping and all of sudden he poked me and shook me saying,

‘Jiiiimiiiiiiiin, wake up and play with me!!!!’

So, I woke up. But right after I opened my eyes, he just grinned at me and went back to sleep like nothing happened. So, I thought,

‘Uuuugh! I can never say anything to him cause he’s older than me!’.

And once he told me he would give me a massage and started squeezing the back of my neck, and that got tighter and tighter! He was smiling at then too! At the end, I was getting upset but he didn’t stop it. He was doing it even harder and said,

‘This will relax your muscles.’

When I was sitting down at the rehearsal room during the break, he head locked me. He hit me once and left the room so I looked at him with a serious face for a second. J-Hope, the timid, came to the room only after three seconds and gave me some mischievous hugs and said,

‘Jimin! Are you upset at me? Are you?? You are not! Aren’t you??’

Chuckling hard, he left room after 10 seconds. What should I do with him?”

Rap Monster; “There’s something he always says whenever we make a comeback or wrap up our promotion. He says that we got to make a comeback or successfully complete the promotion, thanks to the love shown by our fans.”

Suga; “I’m not good at expressing how I feel with words. But Jimin and J-Hope are good at expressing themselves. I envy them for that.”

Hobi’s ideal type is a girl who loves him, is good at cooking, and thinks a lot

Summary; he’s literally sunshine and he has one of the biggest hearts ever. Dancing machine Hobi is such a lil bean and he deserves the world, honestly 😊 alSO DESERVES MORE LINES!!

Kay so now we have the intellectual, the very philosophic Kim Namjoon {Namjoon, Joonie, Joonbug, Moni, Rap Monster, Rap Mon, Namjoonie, Leader Mon, God of Destruction, The Destroyer}. Smol dorky bean with dimples and a v v high IQ of 148. Also, literally a Rap God whose life is about philosophy, BTS, and music.

Some facts;

He was born in Ilsan, Gyeonggi-d, South Korea

He got a mamma, pappa, and lil sis

He went to Apgujeong High School

Rap Monster studied in New Zealand and lived/stayed there for 6 months. :O  

He’s currently enrolled to Global Cyber University

Pre-debut he had already been performing as an underground rapper, with several tracks released informally, including a collaboration with Zico (Block B)

He’s really smart with an IQ of 148. He was previously ranked in the top 1% of the nation in his high school exams (so fuckin smart m8)

He speaks English fluently (he does so well omg ;-; )

Rap Monster’s TOEIC (The Test of English for International Communication) score was 900.

There was a rumour among the Korean fans that at the age of 15, Namjoon had a heart surgery with a 30% chance of living (but that’s probs legit just a rumour)

Hobbies include surfing the web

He’s a great supporter of Gay/Lesbian’s rights 😊 😊

He has a younger sister the same age as Jungkook but when asked if he would introduce her to him, he said N.O (ehehe)

His image before debut was a neat and quiet student

He started to write lyrics since he was in school, on his textbook

Rap Monster has composed/produced 100+ songs (y’all needa check out his solo raps n mixtape boisss)

Clothes matter to him (yo I live for his daily kim posts)

Fave food = Kalguksu (Korean knife noodles)

Fave colour = black

Fave number = 1

Fave items = clothes, computer, books

Despite Moni’s rough and tough image, he is v playful n relaxed

He likes clear weather

If he were a girl he said he would date J-Hope because he’s like the mother at the dorm

Role models; Kanye West & A$AP Rocky

Rap Monster wrote the lyrics of ‘No More Dream’ because he had no dreams when he was in school ☹

He, along with Jung Hunchul (ex member of Bangtan) wrote a Brave Brother/YG diss track called ‘Hook’ (check it out here man)

He wants to be a rich Rapper in 10 years

He has a dog, whose name is RAP MON

He would like to make a sub-unit with Jungkook

He was the first member to join BTS

He likes to imitate his members

Rap Mon said that he and GOT7 Jackson are good friends. He said Jackson is very handsome and really good at dancing

 His ideal date; “It’s like the ordinary college student date. We can see a movie together, eat together, walk together. I want to have love like that. It’s because I can’t at all (laughs)”

Some of his popular quotes are; “Jimin, you got no jams” and “Team work makes the dream work”

Other members about Rap Monster;

Suga; “On the stage, Rap Mon wears sunglasses and has a powerful image but actually he likes cute things. He keeps the ‘Pocket Monster Ball’ on his bed that he received at a fansign”

Jin; “The Baby Dinosaur Dolly. He shakes his tail and crushes things

Jimin;” In the fact, he gets hurt easily”

Rap Mon’s ideal type; “Sexy, even to a brain. Someone that is thoughtful and confident”

Summary; lil dimpled smol bean Moni is all about his music and his groups and fans. He’s chilled and relaxed but has a powerful image on stage. Literally the god of destruction and could probs just look at something and it’d break (that’s what happens to me anyways)

oKAY so next up is lil squishy sinful bean Park Jimin {Jimin, Chim, Chim chim, Chiminie, Mini, Jiminie, Mochi, Sexy Mochi, Jiminie Pabo, Christian Chim Chim, Kumquat Mochi, Mang Gae Ddeok. Oh, and I regularly call him Chim Cham/Chim Chams}. Such a smol chubby lookin bean but then he turns into the personification of sin itself on stage and I literally cannot deal with it man…kills me

Some facts;

Born in Busan, South Korea

He has a pappa, mamma, and lil bro

He attended/attends Busan High School of Arts; Global Cyber University

Pre-debut Jimin entered Busan High School of Arts as the top student in modern dance, but later transferred to Korea Arts High School with V

Fave colours = blue & black

Fave number = 3

Fave foods = pork, duck, chicken, fruit, kimchi jjigae

Chim Chams used to view himself as “fat” and he was self-conscious of his looks and cheeks (which were adORABLE)

When he viewed himself as “fat” (he doesn’t anymore)…(I hope) he went into depression and starved himself T_T

He prefers sunny and cool weather

Is known for his impressive abs (*dies*)

He likes to jokingly hit the other members as a way of showing his affection for them

If music is playing he will start to dance no matter where he is 😊

When the weather is sunny and cool, Jimin likes wearing earphones while listening to music that gives a good feeling.

Jimin became interested in a singing career after watching a Rain performance

Once he wrote some lyrics and gave them to Suga. Suga said; “You called these lyrics?!�� (the lyrics sounded like a children song). Suga asked him to redo the lyrics, but in the end, he still couldn’t use Jimin’s lyrics ☹

Jimin’s role models are; Rain, Taeyang (Bigbang) and Chris Brown

He is most confident in his eyes

He enjoys reading comic books. He said that comic books influenced him a lot

Jimin usually solves his problems himself. If he can’t solve it, he will share it with V and ask for his advice

Jungkook is always teasing Jimin about his height

In the dorm, Jimin in charge of the kitchen (chef chim doe??? 😊 )

Things he wants to steal from other members are; Rap Monster’s height, V’s talent and gaze, J-Hope’s cleanliness, Suga’s diverse knowledge

Jimin’s ideal date; “Sitting on the bench, drinking together… I would like to have a countryside date. We would also walk holding hands…. (Laughs)”

If he’d get a day off, Jimin jokingly said he wants to go on a date with Jungkook while holding hands together. And when Jungkook talked about his wishes, Jimin shouted; “Live happily together with me!” (fucKIN SHIP)

He felt a bit hurt when Jungkook ranked him the last in terms of looks. Jimin thinks the 1st is Jin while the 7th is Suga. (He was going to rank Rap Monster as the 7th but he changed his mind saying that recently Rap Monster got better-looking)

He has to use eyeliner while practicing the choreography, else he can’t seem to show strong expressions and he will get shy

Jimin appeared in GLAM’s MV Party (XXO). GLAM disbanded, they were under BigHit.

Jin chose Jimin as the member who has changed the most since debut😊

Other members about Jimin;

Jin; “Comes at you really cutely. It’s like being attacked by a puppy. Can’t refuse requests because he’s too nice.”

Rap Monster; “Basically kind and gentle. Is very considerate. Isn’t as timid as you would think. Likes clothes and style (same with me). But even though he responds well, there are many times where he doesn’t actually do it. Is quite stubborn. Is the effort-type.”

Suga; “Follows the hyungs’ words well, isn’t the personality where he’ll receive dislike somewhere, puts in effort to live his hardest”.

J-Hope; “Is kind, listens to his hyungs well, has a lot of greed, and has a personality where he makes sure to do his part, and he has a really good personality where he likes me the most and his faith towards me is very strong~~ ♥♥♥♥”

Jeongguk; “He’s the effort-type along with being a triple blood-type A, timid, shameless, and hates losing.”

V; “Cute. Only the amount of him losing his temper is excessive, he’s kind and a friend that’s trustworthy. I talk to him the most, and if I have any worries, he’s the friend that I tell it first to”

His ideal type is a nice and cute girl who is smaller than him

Summary; uuggggh he’s just so fuckin cute and he deserves all the love in the world. He loves the others so much and cares for them loads. He’s a squishy bean in the streets and a sinful bean on stage. Everybody needs a lil chim in their life 😊

Up next is the animal loving, sweetheart, 4d alien Kim Taehyung {Taehyung, Tae, Tae Tae, Taehyungie, 4D alien, Blank Tae, 4D, Alien, CGV, Gucci Boy, Gucci Prince, V} dis bean is crazy and extra as hECK. He’s also super adorable and his laugh is probably the best thing ever omfg.

Some facts;

He was born in Daegu, South Korea.

He has a mamma, pappa, and lil bro

He attends/attended Korea Art School; Global Cyber University

Tae Tae can speak Japanese fluently :O

Fave colours = black, green, and white

Fave number = 10

V’s favourite items are = his computer, big dolls, clothes, shoes, accessories, and anything unique (like himself lol)

It is said that when his teaser image was released 5 personal fan clubs were created 😊

He has been in the group for a while, but fans didn‘t know or hear of him until the time around his debut

He likes anything that is unique

His favourite artist is Eric Bannet

His role model is his dad. He wants to be a dad like his dad, someone who takes care of his children, listen to everything they say and encourage & advise them in their future plans (so fuckin cuuuute)

He has the same hobbies with Jin

When V has a problem, he will share it with Jimin and Jin. But he thinks it’s easier to talk to Jimin since they have the same age

Fans said V looks like Baekhyun (EXO) and Daehyun (B.A.P.). He said Baekhyun is his mother and Daehyun is his father. (it’s true tho)

V is a mood maker in BTS, along with Suga (daegu princessss)

V’s motto; “I just came up with it but let’s life coolly to the maximum. Since life happens only once, waking up at ease in the morning and working doing your best”

According to Yahoo Taiwan poll, V is the most popular BTS member in Taiwan

In the dorm V is in charge of the washing machine

When V celebrated his Birthday (131230 at MBC Gayo Daejun), he felt very happy because he able to share birthday with K.Will. K.Will’s waiting room was beside BTS’s room. So, K.Will came to him and said, “Hey, is it your Birthday today? It’s mine too! Let’s blow the candle together.”

V likes amusement parks. He especially likes the gyro drop, gyro swing and roller coasters (boi we can go together because same)

V can climb a tree but he can’t get back down (such a dork omg 😊 )

V comes from a poor family; “I came from a poor family and I never thought I would become famous.” He grew up under a family of farmers and often takes pictures of the farm they own

He revealed in an interview with ‘The Star,’ “[Being an idol is] a lucky chance that will only come once in a lifetime. If I wasn’t in BTS I would probably be a farmer. I’d be pulling out weeds from a farm with my grandmother.” (farmer tae doe can you imagine… :O )

V acted in the Korean drama “Hwarang” (2017-2017) (if you haven’t already watched it, y’all needa do so)

V sang the OST of “Hwarang” alongside Jin, which is Part 2 – “It’s Definitely You”.

If he’d get a day off, V wants to see his parents (he’s literally so cute tho omg)

V said the 3 requirements for his happiness are; family, health and honour.

V’s ideal date; “Amusement park. But nearby park is also good. I think that it’ll be nice if holding hands. My ideal is cute dating.”

Other members about V

Rap Mon about V’s cooking; “Honestly, we’d love try it. But V’s cooking is too great, we might end up crying. That’s why up till now we haven’t tried it. If V can roll the seaweed a little better, we will definitely give it a try.”

Jimin about V’s cooking, “We’ll try V’s cooking sooner or later. I just hope, V will stop stealing the food when I’m cooking.”

Jin ranked V as the noisiest member; “First, there’s V. I’m not kidding. He’ll be sitting in the dorms, then suddenly he’ll run around going ‘HO! HO! HO!’. He’s really weird. He’s like a different species. Do you know what he does alone at our house? ‘Jimin, I love you!! Oppa, I can’t! Jimin, I love you!! (Imitate V’s alone conversation). Seriously...”

Jin; “Although he seems weird, I think it’s a concept. He asks before he does something, he’s very detailed.”

Jungkook; “Although he’s a hyung, I have no answer to describe his personality.”

Suga; “Compared to his age he’s immature and isn’t able to become serious. It seems he doesn’t care what others think.”

Jimin; “He has a cheerful personality and really doesn’t notice his surroundings. He likes playing around. He’s innocent.”

His ideal type is someone who takes care of him and love only him and who has a lot of aegyo

Summary; le 4D extra alien who is suuuuuuch a family man which is so adorable is such a soft bean I can’t deal oh god. He’s v v sinful on stage tho so watch out…he’ll pull you in with his cute charms and then BAM hipthrust muthafucka

Okie dokie! Last but not least it’s time for the lil bun bun Maknae Jeon Jungkook {Jungkook, Kook, Kookie, Jungkookie, Bun, Bun Bun, Golden Maknae, Triple Threat, Muscle Pig, Jeon Cena, Ironman, Bunny, Seagull, Justin Seagull, Living Meme, Meme Child, Baby, Jungshook, Nochu

Some facts;

Born in Busan, South Korea

He has a pappa, mamma, and hyung

He went to Seoul School of Performing Arts and graduated in February 2017

He attended Baek Yang Middle School

He has an older brother named Jeon Jung Hyun

Fave foods = anything with flour (pizza, bread etc)

Fave colours = red, black, and white

He loves playing games, drawing, and soccer (football)

He has a weird habit where he sniffles a lot because of his rhinitis. He also wriggles his fingers a lot

His shoe size (U.S. conversion) is 7.5

Would date Jin if he were a girl

He likes the number 1

Said to be a very skilled cook

He likes shoes and makeup

He dislikes tasteless things, bugs, getting hurt, studying

He speaks Korean, Japanese and English (basic)

In 7th grade Jungkook learned B-boying in a club with some friends and hyungs

He knows Taekwondo (he has a black belt)

Before joining the group, he was a handball player

His favourite weather is a sunny weather with a cool breeze

In 10 years Jungkook wants to be the owner of a duck meat restaurant or a tattooist (fuCKIN TATTOOIST JUNGKOOK THOOOO

In middle school, he went to Superstar K auditions but failed to pass the elimination round

On the way back home, he received offers from eight different entertainment agencies

After randomly seeing and falling in love with future member Rap Monster’s rap, he decided to join Big Hit Entertainment (so cute)

Jungkook’s role model is G-Dragon (BigBang).

His dream, when he was younger, was to become a badminton player.

In the 1st year of High School he listened to G-Dragon’s songs and changed his dream to becoming a singer.

His motto is; “Living without passion is like being dead”.

Jungkook wants to go on trip with his lover someday.

He loves reading comic books.

Jimin says that Jungkook smiles when he swears.

About school subjects, Jungkook dislike everything except Physical Education, Art, and Music Class.

He doesn’t like bugs, but he likes cool bugs like (stag) beetles. He used to have a stage beetle when he was younger, but he didn’t take care of it well, so it died.

He said he usually doesn’t exercise a lot but started working out after seeing Taeyang and Jay Park.

The member who’s most similar to him; “V Hyung. He’s random, our comedic cords match well, and I think our personalities are similar.” (Profile written by Jungkook)

He is friends with GOT7’s Bambam & Yugyeom, Seventeen’s DK, Mingyu & The8, and NCT’s Jaehyun (a.k.a. ’97 line).

Jungkook, GOT7’s Bambam & Yugyeom, Seventeen’s The8, Mingyu, DK, and NCT’s Jaehyun (the ’97 liners) are in a group chat. (Jungkook and Bambam mentioned the ’97 liner squad in their ‘thanks to’ in their recent albums)

Jungkook’s ideal date; “Walking along the beach in the night.”

Things that he wants to steal from other members are; Rap Monster’s knowledge, Suga’s diverse knowledge, J-Hope’s positive mind, Jimin’s persistence and his effort, V’s natural talent and Jin’s wide shoulders.

Other members about Jungkook;

Suga; “Jungkook has a good memory so he can imitate us well. And I remember that when Jungkook first came, he was shorter than me. Seeing him grow taller makes me feel like I’ve raised him.”

Jimin; “I’m 2 years older than him but he keeps making fun of me for my height.”

Jin; “He’s quite bad at refusing requests.”

Rap Monster; “Individualistic, doesn’t share clothes. Washes his clothes separately. A slight timid-ness that’s like a maknae. Although he wants to seem manly, he’s actually a cutie. Although his passion overflows, it doesn’t go on long. Puberty, rebellious, but it seems cute.”

J-Hope; “He’s the maknae who talks backs a lot and doesn’t listen. Although his personality is quite kind… I also have no answer for his personality”

V; “Truthfully, he’s the same as me. I have no answer.”

Suga; “Because he’s the youngest, he’s still immature. However, he clearly shows what he likes and what he dislikes.”

Jimin; “He’s kind, innocent, and is bad at expressing his feelings. That’s why he’s cute. Jeonggukkie’s mine.”

Suga about Jungkook entering High School; “Jeongguk was the most handsome one there.”

V about Jungkook entering High School; “It’s not that the other students were ugly, but JK was most noticeable because he’s tall.”

Ideal type; someone who’s at least 168cm but smaller than him, is a good wife, good at cooking, smart, has pretty legs, and is nice. Also, a girl who likes him and is good at singing.

Summary; he’s a smol, innocent bun who is also a coMPLETE MEME CHILD HOLY FUCK NUGGETS. Hella tall bean with killer thighs and a v v disrespectful attitude on stage…I cri ever-tim ;-; 

OKAY SO THAT’S BTS HAVE FUN WITH THAT INFORMATION GO NUTS, HAVE LE FEELS, BECOME TRASH. LIKE I SAID IN MY NOTES THIS POST JUST SHOWS HOW MUCH OF A PIECE OF TRASH I AM OH GODS... 

{Request anything you want guys}

#bts #bangtan #bantansonyeondan #beyond the scene #intro post #bts intro post #dont steal pls #kyra hanson #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #bts smut #bts scenario #bts imagine #bts fake texts #bts mtl #bts moodboard #bts aesthetic #kim seokjin smut #min yoongi smut #jung hoseok smut #kim namjoon smut #park jimin smut #kim taehyung smut #jeon jungkook smut

[gguksgalaxy]

Hot Chocolate Kisses pt. 5

Masterpost <– Part 4 | Part 6 –>

Genre: Fluff/Angst Pairing: Jongdae x Reader Wordcount: 4640 (SORRY) Warnings: Lost of fluff, i think i should tag weight issues, family problems. Notes for update: 25 A/N: It's been a long time since I've worked on this series, but I love it so much. please love it as well!

It was four weeks after your first study date, and now you found yourself in Kris’ car in front of Jongdae’s apartment building. He’d invited you to come there for dinner. You’d doubted about it, really. Never before had you been at a boy’s, or anybody’s house before for dinner. However, your parents and brother weren’t home today. They had something concerning the upcoming Olympic games, and you couldn’t come along. So you’d given Jisoo, your head maid and cook, a day off. She was happy for it. “This boy your obviously hanging out with, is he your boyfriend?” Kris asked, turning in his seat. Blush spread over your cheeks. “No.” You mumbled. “Okay, just…I’m not going to tell your parents or anything, but be careful. Even though he looks like a good kid.” You nodded. “Thanks Kris.”

He smiled at you and unlocked the door. “I’m picking you up at 9 latest, yeah? Because your parents will be home by 10.” “Yeah that’s okay, thank you. See you then.” You stepped out of the car with your crutches and a small bad with a wallet and such. A scarf was wrapped around your neck, and your thick coat zipped up to shield from the falling snow outside. December had set in and so had the real winter. Icy icy cold that you usually loved, but on crutches it was a danger for your life. The pathway in front of Jongdae’s building was luckily cleared of snow, except for what was falling now. “Y/n!” Jongdae called, opening the front door of the building and jogging out in nothing more than a thin sweater and jeans. “You’re going to fall wait.” You stopped in your tracks, waiting for him to reach you. He hugged you first, and he was warm, smelling of chocolate and coffee. Somehow you found yourself inhaling his scent each time he hugged you or sat close. There was always something sweet about it. “Hey.” You smiled at him. “Hey there, come on.” With a hand behind your back he helped you inside and to the elevator. “You shouldn’t have done that, you’re going to catch a cold.” You pointed out when the two of you were in the tiny room going up. There were mirrors on both sides, and you felt slightly self conscious. You had gained weight over time, just because you were sitting still all the time. And your mother had noticed, it didn’t go well. A hand touched yours. “Are you okay?” Jongdae asked, looking at you concerned. “Please don’t look so sad.” “Oh, no, I’m okay. I was just lost in thought.” He smiles his cheeky smile, “Don’t think sad things then. We’re going to have a fun evening, you should smile. I love it when you smile.” He winked, and you blushed. For a second he studied your face, and he was closer than he was a few minutes ago. His hand still on yours, but he dropped it then, when you caught him staring. “Here we are.” He lived on the 7th floor, and lead you through a set of hallways, where there was a really ugly yellow door. “What is this door.” A snicker left his lips, as he took his tag from his pocket and unlocked the door. “I didn’t paint it, trust me. But I’m renting this place so I’m not really allowed to paint over it sadly. The inside is much better trust me.” He held the door open for you, and you stepped into a small and warm apartment. There was a small bed, or well, it was one of those not really double not really single ones. There was a table, four chair, a little kitchen by the door, and probably a bathroom to your right. The window was huge, and the sill had some pillows on it. He probably sat there a lot, the view on the city was nice. Really, your room was at least 3 times as big as this, but it was so cozy. “I like it.” You smiled, and he smiled back. He helped your out of your coat and hung it over one of the chairs. There were some things on the kitchen counter, and you recognised the chocolates and caramels from the cafe. He was really too sweet. “So thing is, I really can’t cook. Minseok is usually the one who cooks, and otherwise I eat something simple. I suggest we order something, what do you like?” he asked, pulling up a few restaurant pamphlets from a board by the wall. You came to stand next to him, your arm brushing against his. His sweater was a dark grey, and it was soft. As usual his hair was falling over his forehead, and he was wearing his way too big glasses. “Are those glasses real?” you asked, looking at him with your head cocked to the side. He frowned. “Why are you asking?” You frowned back at him, narrowing your eyes. “Your expression makes me think the answer is no.” “What if they’re not real?” “Then why do you wear them?” “Because they look good on me.” He stuck out his tongue to you. You rolled your eyes, having gotten used by now to his cheeky behaviour. He really had kind of educated you on sarcasm in a way. You laughed a lot when you were with him, so hard you sometimes struggled to stop. Both of you. “So what do you want to eat?” he asked, showing you the papers. They were bright coloured, you didn’t think you’d even eaten takeout in your life. “Uhmm, I actually don’t know. We never eat takeout.” “Should’ve expected,” he said, not in a mean way. He’d gotten somewhat used to your strict upbringing and sometimes cluelessness. “Lets go for Jjajangmyeon and like fried shrimp. We can share, as you don’t eat a lot anyway.” You nodded, smiling. “I don’t want to overstep, but can I sit, my legs getting tired.” You mumbled. He looked up at you with big eyes. “Yeah, you don’t need to ask me. Go sit, on a chair, or the bed. Pick wherever.” Jongdae ushered you to the bed though, putting up a pillow and making sure you put your leg up. It hurt, putting it up, but the relief was big when your foot was finally on the mattress. The pain was worst when you had to bend your knee, which you avoided as much as you could if you weren’t in the training room. “Are you sure it’s okay if I sit here?” you asked, shifting a little. “Yeah, I mean I thought we could watch a movie.” Jongdae was rubbing the back of his head, seeming a nervous. “If you want to. Like, if you’re not comfortable you can sit somewhere else.” It made you laugh a little. “What?” he asked, a little offended. “Why are you so nervous all of a sudden. Where’s the confident always cheeky Kim Jongdae?” you poked his leg with your good foot, and he grabbed it. “Hey!” He kinda pulled at it, and trailed his fingers up the underside of your foot, making you squirm and pull away. “That’s what you get.” There was a small pout on his lips. “So, are you going to order?” you asked Jongdae pulled a face at you, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t command me.” Maybe you lost part of the joke, but it didn’t come across nice. So you shot him a look back, which apparently caught him off guard. “I didn’t mean that.” “Oh.” You mumbled. He chuckled lightly, taking his phone from his pocket. “You’ll get there,” they way he said it was light and made it known to you that he wasn’t fed up with you. You wondered how he put up with you being so stupid sometimes and not getting his jokes. But he was so nice, and easygoing, and never actually seemed upset with you. You listened to him calling the restaurant. His voice wasn’t really deep but it was a little raspy and breathy, it sounded nice, but it was really unlike his singing voice. When he sang his voice seemed much lighter and smoother. When he hung up he moved to the table where his laptop was. “So, what movies do you like. And please don’t tell me you never watch movies, because that’s a lie.” You pursed your lips, because you actually didn’t watch movies often. “I mean we don’t have a lot of time, but when we do watch movies me and Jongin like those retold fairytales. You know like the Alice in Wonderlands and Maleficent. But I’m not picky, really, I’ve always wanted to watch a horror movie but I don’t think that’s nice with dinner.” “No you’re right. You’re okay with anything I pick?” “Nothing sad tho.” You said. He pouted again. “You cry at movies?” it was a joke, you could hear it in his voice. How the tone pitched and he smiled through the pout. “And you don’t? I bet you if we watch something sad you’d cry as well!” “Would not!” and there his voice went, pitching, as per usual. Loosing it’s vibrations for another tone that was childish but so him. “Let’s bet on it, looser pays dinner.” You held out your hand to him, and he shook it. His hand was warm and the skin was actually soft. Your own palm was hurting with the onset of new blisters, and he must’ve noticed. He turned your hand over in his, and ran his fingers over the centre of your palm. A shiver made it’s way up your spine in an unfamiliar way. “You’re getting blisters again?” he asked, softly tracing the angry red marks on your hand. “Does it hurt?” When he pressed down a little harder you hissed, and he pulled away. “It hurts a little, I mean I’ve gotten used to it.” He got up, walking to the bathroom and he came back with some tube. “I thought of this last week actually. Here give me your hand.” Jongdae reached out for you, and you gave him your hand, silently watching as he placed it in his lap. He unscrewed the tube and squeezed out some of the clear gel onto one of his fingers. “This is a little cold but it should help.” A soft hiss left your lips as he carefully rubbed the gel into your skin. It was cold, but his touch was gentle. When he was done, the pain had subdued a little, and he switched your hands out. He repeated the process, but this time you found your eyes more focussed on his face than on your hands. His eyes intently looked at the job at hand. “Staring is impolite y/n.” He said, corner of his mouth pulling up in a little smirk. “Meh.” “But I’ll let you stare, just because it’s you.” You whined high in your throat as his comment, not knowing what to say. He looked up, mischief in his eyes. “If you’re about to make some dirty comment, I swear Kim Jong-“ Before you knew it he had wiped off the residue of gel onto the tip of your nose. It didn’t smell but it was cold. “Hey!” you yelped. But he was off the bed in a second, laughing as you wiped the residue off your face. “I swear if I could walk I’d whoop your ass.” “Sure you would.” “Try me!” you laughed, trying to get up off the bed. Leaving your crutches you kind of jumped after him on one leg, ignoring the sting in your other. He probably let you, but you managed to catch him at the hem of his shirt when he made a round around the table. So you reached up and smeared your still wet hand across his cheek. His nose scrunched up. “Ew.” You lost balance though, of course. Feeling yourself topple over before his arm came around your waist to stop you. “Be careful.” He said, his face suddenly too close to yours. You hadn’t been this close to him outside of him hugging you. His breath fanned out across your face, lips slightly parted. When you looked up to his eyes they were scanning yours, and you blushed. He swallowed, tongue darting out to wet his lips slightly. Then he spoke. “Can I kiss you?” “What?” you stammered, blushing harder, unsure of what to say. There was a part of you that wanted to say yes, to feel his lips against yours. They looked soft and you’d be lying if you hadn’t wondered at least more than once about them. But you’d never kissed anybody before, or been this close to a boy. He tipped your chin up with his other hand, fingers lightly touching you. There was that shiver again, a warm one. “I want to kiss you, can I?” “Uhmmm.” You really didn’t know how to answer, words weren’t forming. Both yours hands were on his arms, which flexed under your touch. Jongdae leant in closer, softly brushing your nose with his, accompanied by a soft smile. “You don’t have to say yes, it’s okay.” “I…ye-“ The doorbell rang, both of you jumping up. Your back his the kitchen counter, and you found purchase there. Jongdae looked at you for a moment, stunned, and you were probably blushing furiously by now. So you adverted your gaze to your feet. You realised you were still wearing bear socks, god how stupid you must look. Jongdae moved to the door, opening it, and paying the delivery guy for the food. It smelled really good, but you were still in a daze. His hand on your waist, firm and warm, his breath on your skin. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked, putting the food down on the table. “I’m sorry if I overst-“ “No, no it’s fine, really. I’m coming.” You smiled, shaking off the feeling. He frowned at you for a second, but them smiled as well. “Come on let’s eat first.” You hobbled over to a chair, where he unpacked the food. “Let me get bowls.” Meanwhile you got the chopsticks, it smelled and looked really good. He put a bowl in front of you and divided the noodles, giving you the first share politely. “That’s enough.” You said. He gave your plate a look, and then you. “Don’t tell me I need to eat more, please.” He was silent, but put the rest in his own bowl, and left the shrimp in the middle of the table. “How has your rehabilitation been going?” he asked, stuffing his mouth full and making you laugh. If there was one thing you’d learned about Jongdae the past month was that his table manners were terrible. “Good, I guess. Bending my leg hurts less than it did a month ago, and I can put a little weight on it now. But the progress is so small and I will be with the crutches for a long time.” You said, taking a shrimp and biting it in half. They tasted really good, the noodles did too. “I wonder, why didn’t they just give you a wheelchair. You’re obviously getting more pain from those crutches, your leg gets tired and the blisters.” He stuffed away a shrimp in one go and you wondered where he put all the weight. Jongdae was lean, but not skinny. His waist was small, but his arms definitely showed muscle. You sighed. “Well, my parents think it’s important that I at least keep moving as much as possible. So they thought crutches would be a good workout or something.” “That’s just cruel.” “Jongdae don’t.” You whispered, looking at the food. He was silent after that, eating. Over time you’d touched upon the subject of your parents and how they treated you, and Jongin, more than once. It was touchy, and he was obviously not okay with it. But he also knew there was nothing to be done. You enjoyed every moment with him, because everything was easy and fun. There was no worrying about your tone or how you behaved, or what you ate. After the first study date you’d seen him twice a week, just because it was so much fun. And you couldn’t imagine a week without him anymore really. His texts at random times of the day, when he spotted you in the hallway. Or his smile and laughter, his warmth, and personality. Maybe Kris was onto you, before you noticed, maybe you did like him. As more than just a friend. “You’re spacing out.” He said, tapping your bowl with his chopsticks. “Huh?” “I asked you if you wanted to come to the cafe next Saturday. Minseok, me and Baekhyun are singing. I mean there will probably be quite a few people because of the training and stuff, but if you want to. I’ll save you a seat and hot chocolate. They kind of want to meet you as well.” You stopped eating immediately. “You told them about me?” He chuckled when your shrimp dropped from between yours chopsticks. “Well I told Minseok, and Baekhyun just kept asking me who I was texting. He stole my phone, which means Chanyeol probably knows as well.” You bit your lip, chewing it. “I’ll think about it. If it’s really busy a lot of people might recognise me and come up to me, I’m not really up for that.” Jongdae nodded, continuing to eat. “You can come along on a quiet night when we practice. Chanyeol wants to come sing with us, actually, so we have to switch practice nights. Which means we will probably have to schedule out meeting to another day.” A pout appeared on your lips. “I’m only free Tuesday and Thursday, because Yixing has those days off.” He sighed. “Well you could always come along then, if you want? There won’t be any people there, so it’s just us and the guys. They don’t bite, but I wouldn’t risk holding your finger to Baekhyun’s mouth.” Something made him laugh and it was probably your face. “The way you describe him makes me think of a puppy.” “Pretty accurate.” Your eyes fell on the clock, you didn’t have that much time left to watch the movie. “Shouldn’t we go watch the movie? I mean I need to leave at half past 9.” “Yeah, come on.” He helped you up his bed again, propping a pillow from the window under your leg. “You comfortable?” Jongdae asked, scooting in next to you, so close he was pressed up against your side. He was warm as always, and he smelled so nice still, but now also of the food you’d had. “Wait do you want hot chocolate?” “Huh?” you said, as you looked up from searching for the movie. If you were betting on him crying you had to find the saddest one you had. “Oh, yeah sure.” “It won’t take that long, keep searching.” He got up from the bed, leaving your side cold, and you wanting for him to come back. You’d found the movie, but felt content watching him roam around the kitchen doing things. He said he couldn’t cook, but he’d obviously don’t this many times before. His dark grey sweater rode up when he stood on his tippy toes to get mugs from the cupboard. It revealed a strip of pale skin above his skinny jeans, a thin waist and dip in his lower back. Jongdae returned, with a smile on his lips and a smudge of chocolate on his cheek. You chuckled, and reached out when he sat down, to wipe it from his skin. Without really thinking you licked the residue from your finger and found him momentarily looking at your mouth then. “What?” “Nothing,” he said with a shy smile. “Nothing, here.” The mug was warm in your hands, and he sat close agains as you turned on the movie. “Is this the one with the dog?” he asked suddenly. “Please don’t say it’s the one with the dog.” “Oh it’s the one with the dog, we have a bet Jongdae.” “Baekhyun was sad for days after that one, don’t do this to me.” “Ah, but it’s so nice, I promise I’ll cry too.” You pat his leg, and he gave a weak attempt at a snicker. “It’s okay.” The hot chocolate tasted amazing, as always, and you tried your hardest not to spill anything. About 30 minutes into the story, both of you had finished your mugs and he grabbed yours out of your hands to put them on the floor. His shirt rid up again, further this time, revealing a small mole just by the jut of his hipbone. “You have such lingering eyes, don’t you.” He chuckled, coming back up and catching you blushing. You stared him down, and it only made him laugh. “Let’s watch the movie, come on.” To your surprise he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you close. Maybe he felt that you tensed up a little, but he definitely didn’t let you go. Your eyes were trained on the screen, but you knew his weren’t. Not much later you felt him press his lips against your temple, soft and supple, he smiled a little, you even felt that. He didn’t keep them there, but neither of you spoke. You felt yourself lean in closer to him, your head falling to his shoulder. The movie soon came to an end and you felt tear prickling in the corner of your eyes, threatening to spill over. To your surprise, the first sniffle came from him. You sort of detached yourself from him, to look up at his face. He wiped away an escaping tear from the corner of his eyes. “I swear to god you need to learn that staring is impolite.” He mumbled. You chuckled, wiping away your own tear, and going back to the movie. It didn’t take long for you to hiccup and have more tears run down your cheeks. This movie always did it, it was your favourite, but you’d always watched it alone really. It was over, and Jongdae was silent for a little. “Well.” He said, his voice cracked a little. Sitting up, his arm fell from your shoulder, and you tried to turn and face him. “Don’t sulk, it’s okay.” You said, using the cuff of your sleeve to dry his cheek. “I know, I just…I can’t remember the last time I cried.” He looked at you, and you tilted your head to the side. “It’s a little weird, especially when there’s someone there.” “I mean, it’s good that you’re not sad a lot, which is I hope why you don’t cry a lot. But sometimes it’s really refreshing to just let your emotions out, keeping them bottled up isn’t healthy, trust me.” He looked at you, studying your face for a little. You were silent, undergoing his gaze. What he was looking for you didn’t know, but you didn’t feel as if he was judging you. He seemed to be thinking about something, maybe not even to do with you. “Come here.” He spoke up. You weren’t sure what he meant until he reached out for you and cupped your cheeks in his hands. “Jongdae?” “Listen, okay. I don’t want you to cry a lot, please?” His voice went soft, and soothing and you got goosebumps on your arms. “I…I know you don’t always have it easy, but please try and smile. I love it when you smile, and I’m happy I get to see your smile a lot. But you can smile when I’m not there, okay?” You hadn’t expected him to see right through you, but then again you had told him about how you felt about your life. He had seen another side of you before, and even though you didn’t often show it around him, he knew it was there. “Promise me.” He held out his pinky finger to you, and you looked at it. But you folded yours in his. “I promise.” A wide smile broke his serious look, and he pulled you in for a hug, and pressed his lips to your forehead. The hug was tight, and comfortable, and your head was buried in the crook of his neck. Your arms came around his waist. Since Jongdae had become your friend, since you’d started hanging out, your days did become a little lighter. There was always something to look out for in the week, twice a week. Jongin didn’t know about Jongdae, and neither did your parents. Actually nobody aside from Kris knew. It was good to finally have something of your own, that made you happy. He made you happier. Your phone vibrated in your pocket, and you had to break the hug. It was Kris. “Hey,” you said when you picked up, realising the time. “I’ll be on my way, I’m sorry.” “Oh, I knew it would happen, so I just called the moment I pulled up. Don’t worry, just come down okay?” “Yeah I’ll be on my way.” You hung up the phone, and Jongdae was already off the bed to get your crutches and coat. “Come.” He said, helping you into the big piece of clothing. “I’ll help you down.” Without a word, Jongdae helped you back to the elevator, opening all the doors for you. He stood close, smiling at you in the mirror. Jongdae was definitely not as tall as Jongin, but he was still taller than you, which was nice. “Here we are ma’am.” He joked, and you chuckled. You were almost at the door, when his hand enclosed your wrist and turned you around. Your chest bumped against his, and before you had time to register what happened, his lips found yours. They slotted together perfectly, and his were maybe a little rougher than you’d imagined, but that was okay. Your own lips were a little chapped from the cold. He pulled away, it was just a peck, but it seemed to last much longer. The door behind you opened, it was Kris, who had now managed to find you in a bit of an awkward situation. “Listen, this is really cute and all, but I need to get her home soon. So if you don’t mind?” he asked. Jongdae’s eyes widened slightly, and you understood. Kris was tall, and definitely not skinny, and he could look really angry at times. “Uhmm, yeah, sorry.” Jongdae mumbled, and looked at you. You smiled, hoping he’d know it was okay, it was all so okay. “I’ll see you next week.” “Next week.” You said, letting go of him. When you licked your lips, they tasted of chocolate, of him. Kris escorted you to your car, leaving Jongdae behind in the building. “Were you lying to me y/n?” He asked, doing his usual, raised-eyebrow-in-the-rearview-mirror thing. “No, we haven’t before…I mean…I…he….” You stumbled. “Well then I hope he treats you right then.” He said, before driving off. Your phone buzzed not soon after.

9:38 Jongdae ☕️: I thought you had a driver, not a bodyguard!!

9:39 You: Kris doesn’t bite, he looks scary, but he’s a big teddy bear. I swear!

9:39 Jongdae ☕️: A big scary teddy bear.

9:40 You: Ahw, is Kim Jongdae scared?

9:40 Jongdae ☕️: …😑😑😑

9:40 You: I’ll protect you from Kris, don’t worry.

9:41 Jongdae ☕️: Yes, the tiny girl protecting me from, the big scary guy, that settles my nerves.

9:41 You: 😫😫😫

9:44 Jongdae ☕️: Ahw, but you’re my tiny girl 😉

10:00 You: That doesn’t sound so bad 🙈

@oh-beyond @xingtrash @nunchiwrites @bootyfulohsehun @littlekatlizzy @xiubaek13 @melyyexo @yeollieollie @paark-haaraa @soobadnoonecanstopher @an-army-exol

#exo scenario #exo au #jongdae scenario #chen scenario #exo fic #exo fanfic #exo story #hot chocolate kisses #mywriting #hck #chen fic #jongdae fic #chen fanfic #jongdae fanfic #chen fanfiction #jongdae fanfiction #chen story #jongdae story #chen fluff #jongdae fluff #chen angst #jongdae angst #chen series #jongdae series #exo series #exo fluff #exo angst #iceskating!au

[fish-nibbler]

Questions 1-150 *hugs* :3

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Right now? I don’t know.. 

4. Are you easy to get along with? No

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? No, probably not..

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? The  uh.. Butch Lesbian kind.. And the ones that are way out of my league and/or age range. Also, apparently the ones that already have a gf and have no idea who I am...

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? No.. Unfortunately for me.. I don’t think anyone will be able to put up with my shit..

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? The guys who tell me that I’m ugly, stupid, and should kill myself.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Not anymore

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? No one.. People ignore me mostly

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “I’m sorry” -  But hey, what’s new?

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Can’t think of any.. They all make me think of my ex..

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes, it’s very relaxing and it calms me down almost instantly..

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? No.. Not anymore..

15. What good thing happened this summer? Nothing. Nothing “good” has happened.. People are telling me to kill myself, my gf left me for someone else right before pride weekend.. All of my “friends” are going on long vacations and I can’t talk to them... I just want to give up..

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? God yes..

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I guess

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No.. She uh.. She was pretty abusive..

19. Do you like bubble baths? Yes.. I haven’t been able to take one for a long time though..

20. Do you like your neighbors? No

21. What are you bad habits? Cutting, crying, feeling emotions..

22. Where would you like to travel? I don’t know.. It stresses me out.

23. Do you have trust issues? I did... then I got over it enough to open up to my crush but uh.. yea.. they’re back

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Don’t have a routine anymore other than self-destruction

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? All of it

26. What do you do when you wake up? Cry

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Lighter

28. Who are you most comfortable around? I was comfortable around my ex.. but she hasn’t wanted anything to do with me since she broke it off.. she’s probably ranting about me rn saying that I’m a clingy, annoying, slutty piece of shit that has a mommy kink... she she’s not wrong..

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No.. But they have said they regret dating me..

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yeah.. But I know it’ll never happen..

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Not anymore

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? None

33. Spell your name with your chin. 

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Nope

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yeah.. I try not to anymore though..

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Try to think about something they like to talk about and try to bring it up..

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Patient and loving.. 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? I don’t know.. I guess anime shops at the mall? Anime Eagle and stuff like that..

40. What do you want to do after high school? I was looking at St. Kate’s

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Yeah

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? It means that I’m really really depressed..

43. Do you smile at strangers? Sometimes..

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Outer Space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Nothing

46. What are you paranoid about? Everything

47. Have you ever been high? Yes and I desperately want to be high right now..

48. Have you ever been drunk? Not yet

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I don’t care anymore

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Blue and white

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yes, always

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Everything

53. Favourite makeup brand? Don’t really wear make-up much but I don’t know.. I guess Elf products are nice

54. Favourite store? Don’t have one

55. Favourite blog? I have a couple..

56. Favourite colour? Lavender and light blues.. stuff like that

57. Favourite food?

58. Last thing you ate? Rice

59. First thing you ate this morning? Uh... Sunflower seeds around.. 10-11-ish?

60. Ever won a competition? For what? No

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Suspended for attempted murder. Some girl told a teacher that I put a sharp pencil to her throat and threatened to kill her. I didn’t... But the school doesn’t listen to kids like me.

62. Been arrested? For what? Not yet

63. Ever been in love? Yeah. And then she tore my heart out and told me that she would be there if I ever needed her.. She hasn’t been there.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I was in a school bathroom.. perks of being a lesbian I guess..

65. Are you hungry right now? No.. I want to puke

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Yeah..

67. Facebook or Twitter? Neither

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? No

70. Names of your bestfriends?

71. Craving something? What?

72. What colour are your towels? A very pale Jade Green

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

75. Favourite animal?

76. What colour is your underwear? Pink

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? 

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Pink and White

80. What colour pants? Black

81. Favourite tv show?

82. Favourite movie?

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

87. First person you talked to today? 

88. Last person you talked to today?

89. Name a person you hate? my ex, my first gf/ex i guess

90. Name a person you love? also my ex, but a different one

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? myself

92. In a fight with someone?

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

95. Last movie you watched?

96. Favourite actress?

97. Favourite actor?

98. Do you tan a lot?

99. Have any pets? 5

100. How are you feeling? Like I want to jump infront of a fucking train

101. Do you type fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

103. Can you spell well?

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes, I cried over my abusive-ish ex the other day... at least with her I could pretend I was loved.. pretty sure relationships are suppose to be abusive..

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? no - i want to tho

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes

108. What should you be doing? dying

109. Is something irritating you right now?

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes..

111. Do you have trust issues? yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom because i felt guilty for eating

113. What was your childhood nickname?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes

115. Do you play the Wii? no

116. Are you listening to music right now? no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? eh

118. Do you like Chinese food? no

119. Favourite book? dont have one rn

120. Are you afraid of the dark? kinda

121. Are you mean? I’m a completely heartless fuck

122. Is cheating ever okay? no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? hell no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? not anymore

125. Do you believe in true love? nope

126. Are you currently bored? eh

127. What makes you happy? I don’t know anymore..

128. Would you change your name? yes

129. What your zodiac sign? aries

130. Do you like subway?

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? fuck him and then leave him because im a heartless slut. haven’t you been paying attention?

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? 

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed, but cracked open for my cats

137. How tall are you? 5ft

138. Curly or Straight hair? ive got straight hair

139. Brunette or Blonde? im a brunette

140. Summer or Winter? both

141. Night or Day? night

142. Favourite month? dont have one

143. Are you a vegetarian? no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? milk

145. Tea or Coffee? tea

146. Was today a good day? no

147. Mars or Snickers? snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote? 

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

[starsinursa]

Shout-out to @saminzat for tagging me! Like I needed an excuse to waste time. ;)

LAST

1) Drink:  Coffee... it’s like 10 p.m. at night, but I’m trying to stay awake to finish some work from the office (and yet I’m on tumblr doing this quiz instead, oops).

2) Phone call: A coworker called me so I’d have her new phone number.

3) Text message:  “FYI, they don’t give you the money right back, you have to wait 4 - 6  WEEKS for a check in the mail, uggggh”. I bailed the same coworker out of jail about three months ago and went to the city municipal court today to get the bail money back... turns out things aren’t that simple.

4) Song listened to:  Umm...so I’ve been listening to the Moana soundtrack pretty much non-stop for the last week. :D

5) Time you cried:  A couple of weeks ago, reading the fic “Cursed or Not” for the first time (hey, you get to chapter 18 and try not to ugly cry, okay?).

HAVE YOU EVER

6) Dated somebody twice:  Yep. Good ol’ high school.

7) Been cheated on:  Not that I know of.

8) Kissed someone and regretted it:  Yep. Good ol’ college.

9) Lost someone special:  Yes, a couple of times.

10) Been depressed:  Yep, special shout-out to my Prozac and Wellbutrin, love you guys. ;)

11) Gotten drunk and puked:  Yes, a few times, unfortunately. Again, good ol’ college (although I can’t use that excuse for the last time because I had already graduated... to whomever had to clean out that train car up in Minneapolis, MN, about 2.5 years ago: I am so, so sorry, I’ve learned my lesson about taking it easy on the Everclear, you have every right to hate me).

THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS

12) Green

13) Purple

14) Blue

IN THE LAST YEAR YOU HAVE YOU

15) Made new friends:  Kind of? Do work friends count? 

16) Fallen out of love:  Nah, gotta be in love for that

17) Laughed until you cried:  Yes, most recently was while watching “Impractical Jokers” with my aunt (they took a guy who is terrified of cats and made him teach an improv “how to bond with your cat” class, okay, I found it hilarious as a cat-owner).

18) Found out someone was gossiping about you:  Yeah, there’s a lot of gossip about everyone at my second job. Look, I’m sorry I go through all the water bottles, okay? I drink a lot of water...

19) Met someone who changed your life:  Not anyone specific in the last year that I can think of...

20) Found out who your true friends are: Meh. I’ve always kinda known.

21) Kissed someone on your Facebook list:  Nah

HOW MANY/MUCH

22) Facebook friends:  256

23) Pets:  Two! One dog, one cat, the best of both worlds.

24) Want to change your name:  Nah, I like my name.

WHAT

25) Did I get for my birthday:  Books, I always ask for books.

26) Time I woke up:  Around 8:30 a.m. this morning

27) Were you doing at midnight: Probably surfing tumblr, tbh, I am sadly predictable

28) Can’t you wait for: MY VACATION THIS NEXT WEEK

29) Was the last time you saw your mom:  A couple of weeks ago when I went home for a dentist appointment

30) Is something you wish you could change about your life:  I need to buckle down and really focus on paying off a couple of bills. It helps having a second job, but I’m just so impatient.

31) Are you listening to right now:  Nothing at the mo

32) Gets on your nerves:  Whiners. Don’t get me wrong, I love to bitch and complain as much as the next person, but people who blame the world/ everyone else for their problems? Just....yeah.

33) Talked to a person named Tom:  ...this question doesn’t make any sense. “What - talked to a person named Tom”? Also, no, I know several Tims, but no Toms.

34) Is your most visited website:  Pffft, tumblr, of course, is that even a real question

35) Elementary school/primary school:  [Name of my hometown] Elementary School

36) High School:  [Name of my hometown] Jr./ Sr. High School

37) College:  I’ve already mentioned in a couple of posts where I went to college, so I guess I’ll just say it: Kansas State University. EMAW!

38) Hair colour:  Dark brown

39) Long/short hair:  Long! It’s currently the longest it’s ever been in my entire life, I’m so excited (although holy shit, I shed a lot).

40) Crush:  Nah, not for a while. I creeped on a cute security guard a few months ago, but he turned out to be a jerk with a classic “crazy ex-girlfriend” (I put that part in quotation marks because I have no idea if she’s actually ‘crazy’ but he kept insisting she was...which is, just, y’know, a red flag on his part).

41) Do you like about yourself:  I’m actually pretty fond of my hair now, after a lifelong love/hate relationship. I also like to think I’m okay at singing sometimes.

42) Piercings: None at the moment, actually

43) Blood type: A+

44) Nickname: My family has always called me “Foo” (as in, “little bunny foo-foo”)

45) Relationship status:  Single, ayyyyy

46) Zodiac: Leo (pffft, but not really)

47) Pronouns: She/her

48) Favourite show: Supernatural (of course!), Psych, Once Upon a Time, Firefly, Scrubs, Nikita, Game of Thrones

49) Tattoos: None. I’m too fickle, I’d get one and then change my mind two weeks later.

50) Left or right handed: Right

FIRST

51) Surgery:  I had my tonsils out when I was 17 thanks to multiple bouts with strep throat. Oh my god, never wait until you’re that old to get your tonsils removed, it was absolute hell. 

52) Piercings: My ears. If we’re talking unusual piercings, I had a “nape piercing” for a while in high school.

53) Best friend:  Probably my cousin Kayla, since we grew up together

54) Sport:  I played softball for several years as a kid, until I got a bloody nose when the ball hit me in the face. Then I had to quit because I was gun-shy. To this day, I’m still afraid of balls flying at my face (hehehe).

55) Vacation:  I visited my dad in San Diego, CA for a week when I was ten years old

56) Pair of shoes:  First pair of shoes? I don’t know, I was a baby. Probably some over-priced cutesy pair that never even got any use because I was a baby.

RIGHT NOW

57) Eating: Spicy Doritos

58) Drinking:  Still drinking coffee

59) I am about to:  Sort through my tumblr “Saved Drafts” and add tags for everything, then try to get some writing done

60) Listening to:  Nothing at the mo (this is the same question at #31?)

61) Waiting for:  Saturday when I leave for vacation! *o*

62) Want to see: Honestly can’t think of anything. I’d like to watch Moana again but it’s not on DVD yet?

63) Want to get married:  Sure, someday

64) Career:  Human services/ social work-ish? Basically, I work at a non-profit agency helping adults with developmental/ intellectual disabilities to get/ maintain services. Oh, and I also have a part-time job at an adult store. Gotta make ends meet, y’know.

WHICH IS BETTER

65) Hugs/kisses:  Really depends on who they’re from. Probably hugs for the most part. :)

66) Lips/eyes: Aaagh, I don’t know... I love gorgeous eyes, but I also love me some tasty lips... y’know what, I’m gonna go with lips. Yep.

67) Taller/shorter:  Taller

68) Younger/older: Older

69) Romantic/spontaneous:  I can be romantic when I have someone to be romantic for, but I’m not the most spontaneous. :D Like, let’s just stick to the PLAN, okay?

70) Nice arms/nice stomach: Arms. I like squishy cuddly tummies anyways.

71) Sensitive/loud: ...I don’t know. Sensitive, I guess, because being around loud people wears me out pretty quickly. But sensitivity needs to have limits too...

72) Hookup/relationship:  Relationship. Been there, done the hook-up thing, not worth it. Good ol’ college.

73) Troublemaker/hesitant: At this point in my life, I’d say hesitant. Trouble-making was fun in the past, but, like, I’ve got an actual career now that I could lose if I go around trouble-making/ hanging out with trouble-makers.

HAVE YOU EVER

74) Kissed a stranger:  So, so many times. Good ol’ college.

75) Drank hard liquor:  Yep. Still love me some vodka. It just mixes with everything, y’know?

76) Lost glasses/contact lenses:  Contact lenses, yes, but luckily I’ve never lost a pair of glasses

77) Turned someone down:  Yes. I hate doing that. I’m a horrible, cowardly person who would rather “ghost” someone than have to deal with an uncomfortable confrontation. 

78) Canoodling on a first date:  Depends on the definition of “canoodling”. Are we talking cuddling or snuggling up during a movie? Sure. Making out? Maaaybe, depends. No copping a feel on the first date though, c’mon now.

79) Broken someone’s heart:  Yes. Breaking up with someone in high school is intense. 

80) Had your own heart broken:  Kind of, not really? The only person I legitimately had feelings for, I never told them how I felt, so they never really had the opportunity to break my heart but it hurt like hell anyways. Have I mentioned I’m a cowardly piece of shit? :D I mean, that was like 10 years ago in high school, but I haven’t changed that much.

81) Been arrested:  No, thank goodness. There were a couple of close calls during my partying days, I’ve definitely been luckier than I probably deserve.

82) Cried when someone died:  Yes. Doesn’t happen often, luckily.

83) Fallen for a friend: Not really? Had crushes on friends, had friends-with-benefits, yes, but never technically “fallen for” a friend.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84) Yourself: Depends on what we’re talking about here. In general, yeah, I like to think I do okay...

85) Miracles:  Ehhh, I can’t decide. It’s a wonderful thought but I’m also kind of a pessimist realist. You know what they say: “hope for the best but prepare for the worst”.

86) Santa Clause:  Not for many, many years

87) Kisses on a first date: Sure! End-of-the-date kisses are sweet.

88) Angels:  I...think so. 

89) Love at first sight:  I don’t know? It’s a wonderful thought but I’m just not sure. Maybe not love at first sight, per se, but I think there are definitely people out there that you can just tell right away they’re going to be special to you.

OTHER

90) Best friend’s name: None, at the mo

91) Eye colour: Brown

92) Favourite movie:  That’s a tough one... I think it depends on my mood. Do I want to laugh? Something trashy like “Sorority Boys”. Do I want to cry? Probably something steeped in existential crisis like “A.I.”. Do I want a feel-good adventure with talking animals? “Homeward Bound”.

Holy crap, that took like 1.5 hours. Anyone need an excuse to waste some time/ procrastinate/ be distracted? Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast, @helianthus21, @destielmixtape, @beesandangelkisses, @emotionally-compromised-idiot, @castielsgracex, @apritelleorai, @honeybee-and-batman, @sunshine-hunters, @waaaaaayward-assbutt, @cool-fallen-angel , and anyone else who wants to do it. :)

#about me quiz thingy #me #my personal life #i've been tagged #tagging other people