#if they pay they pay who cares the rest

[spacedlexi]

it honestly frustrates me when i see people reduce the ericsons cast down to "just some teens in the woods" acting like theyre no different than any other group of lone teenagers from other existing properties and treating them like an overused trope

it is sooo important to acknowledge the "troubled youth" aspect of the whole equation. theyre not just some random teens in the woods clem stumbles across. these kids were abandoned by their families for their various "difficulties" and fucked up by The System before the outbreak even began. and then once zombies started roaming the streets their familes never came back for them and the adults that were in charge of taking care of them just left them there to rot in that old boarding school (except for ms martin who was like their lee 🥺 the only person who ever saw them as the scared traumatized kids they were and died protecting them)

the whole aspect of them already being fucked up by the adults that controlled their lives is like.....kind of important when discussing the whole "delta is stealing kids to force them to fight in a war they have no real part in and want nothing to do with" aspect of the season. and its important when comparing them to clem and her journey of also suffering at the hands of the adults around her forcing her to become self reliant. AND its important when discussing the "just trying to build a safe home (and future) worth fighting for in this world that wants them dead" aspect of the season as well

these kids were forced to come together to survive. and a Lot of them didnt... theyre the only family they have left and you can tell that even when they argue with each other theyre still a close knit group who looks out for each other. theyre a Real family before clem even gets there (and its why what really happened with the twins and brody and marlon hits them all so especially hard)

all of this is what REALLY makes ericsons such a perfect home for clem. its a Real community of her True peers. theyre not Just teens. they mightve had a layer of safety clem never had by at least having walls to keep them safe. and having the benefit of the school being hard to find. its the only reason theyre still alive when clem shows up. but theyre also some of the only people who can Truly understand where clem and aj are coming from. and its why it hurts so much when they vote to kick them out. but its also partially why she merges back into the fold so easily when she returns. plus the fact that shes Really the only one who has any idea what shes doing. shes their rock and she makes them feel safe because underneath it all theyre still just those scared traumatized kids ("EVERYONE is scared, clem..." vi was Definitely including herself in that 'everyone'), and on some level, so is clem

they saved clementines life. and she saved theirs. "the school was supposed to help them with their trauma, now they help each other" its about the LOVE the COMMUNITY the SUPPORT!!!! and thats the shit that makes good zombie media honestly 👌

#it speaks #twdg #there i go again writing another essay but i will Always defend the ericson cast theyre one of the strongest out of all 4 seasons #complaints ive seen about s4 typically include mentions of the teens as a trope being overused and im like.......did you even pay attention #the fact they were branded “troubled youth” and basically thrown away by everyone who was supposed to take care of them is SO IMPORTANT #these kids are Fucked Up but theyre Trying to make a kinder world #nobody talk to me i fucking love the ericson cast 😭😭😭 theres not a single one of them i dont like im serious #them using poor pilgrim of sorrow in ep3....ericsons is heaven to clem 😭 all the comments she can make about feeling safe there 😭😭 #clem being everyones rock but violet being clems rock back 🥺😭💕 waaaaahhh thats why it was over for me when vi stood up for them in ep 2 #vi having the courage to stand up to her group for aj........... yeah she had me in a vice grip after that. she fought for them so hard #and if it wasnt for her advocating so hard for them to stay they ALL would have been taken or killed #vi cared about clem so much she undoomed them all #and aj loved clem so much he undoomed her :') #s4 is just the perfect ending to clems story truly itll make me happy for the rest of my life im so happy for u clem 🥺 #tfw the media you like gets a good ending and the main characters are respected and it feels like it was made from a place of love #instead of being like...actively hostile to its fanbase and destroying its own characters for the Laughs #and when i say “good” i dont necessarily mean “happy” i just mean “competently written" #i wouldnt call it perfect but it survived both a cancellation AND the financial collapse of a major game studio. its perfect to Me #for what it is (and what it originally almost was with the clems house plot) we truly lucked out so fucking hard #truly a return to form of season 1 but with less despair and more hope which i appreciate :') #all the things ive liked over the years that were destroyed for me by bad or weird writing decisions... clutches onto twdg like a lifeboat #god i love s4 so much nothing has ever been More Specifically Written For Me Personally

[hanzajesthanza]

also regis swearing at stygga is so meaningful to me because he swore over milva’s dead body and also in front of angoulême (and assumedly cahir too)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#txt #especially because milva was like… not only his friend but he cared for her medically… #i mean he did for everyone (including cahir and dandelion’s head injuries) but #idk regis seeing her dead when he had saved her life under the bridge and counselled her about pregnancy and abortion #and (i guess it’s headcanon but) when her ribs were broken by the druids and she was healing from that he was there for her #milva was beat up by the narrative but regis was always there with bandages lol #so to see her DEAD completely DEAD with no possibility of healing her #also because *he was off* and he paused for a drink (or two—who knows how many) #of course he’s like ‘fuck this place. i’m going to fuck this shit up’ because how shitty of a surgeon must he feel right now #and if he can’t protect his friends now with medicine well the only other option in his arsenal is Fucking Shit Up #his NOSEDIVE begins early in the halls of stygga castle and he just starts losing it #milva: dies | me: oh… oh they’re *all* gonna die huh… #who knows if regis had returned to the rest of the company and milva was still alive. who knows. maybe he wouldn’t have continued to drink #and maybe he wouldn’t have made that suicidal leap towards vilgefortz in the end #i think that in the loss of the rest of the company regis had nothing left to live for #both from an in-universe POV and from a narrative writing POV #because remember that there were previously written versions in which regis survived and lived #so paying attention to not just when he dies but when he starts to go on this downward trajectory is relevant #because sapkowski intentionally devised a way in which he would die that would be plausible for his character #which means that his death isn’t just random. this version was a specially crafted version to ‘allow’ for his death #i love how AS was like well yeah of course milva and cahir are going to die. but yeah i admit angouleme and regis are just stupid #(to clarify he said angouleme dies stupidly) #but i think saying ‘there were other versions in which the vampire survived’ = this is the version where he is stupid #c: regis #analysis #IN THE TAGS lol #book: lady of the lake

[szkieletor]

i keep thinking about spamton value/love network. watching the sweepstakes stream three times probably rewired my brain

#deltarune #spamton #spamton sweepstakes #my post #you may ask who is next #you may ask who will be #who will be secret boss of adventure no 3 #me dont knows. and me dont cares #me only cares about spanetom #the rest can go up in the airs #please pay 4.99 to continue the poem

[fitzrove]

Overwhelmed by nostalgia actually

#this will sound SO elitist of me #but #i miss my summer course at the boarding school that was closed after the summer and they carved out an artificial lake on the manor grounds #and converted the cozy two-person dorm rooms to have bunk beds to fit six to eight kids #apparently they also 'refurbished' a historic building on the site :( #i mean i'm glad someone is taking care of the site - it's so beautiful #but i miss the way it was soooo much and there's no way to go to that place again except in memories #and then !! sequel - cambridge 2019 #granted it would probably be much the same as a town if i went in summer again but it really was when i learned how much i love university #but yeah deeply sad and insane about [redacted] manor i miss it sooooo much #one of my teachers actually really liked me and wanted to seriously talk about me studying there full time oabdlskdödldöfo #obviously it was never going to happen because who pays english boarding fees when you can study 100% for free at home #but what if in an alternate universe i did study there #idk i don't feel that sad about THAT missed chance #mostly because i'm legit replicating it w my master's #but i do wonder if i'm going to spend the rest of my life chasing similar places and the way i felt that summer when i was 15 🥹 #if you send me a dm and we're friends etc i will show you pictures of the manor because it looks amazing

[patrice-bergerons]

The other day i was thinking about why Torchwood and UNIT co exist and how/why Torchwood is so separate when I realised that it's probably because they were founded and are directly funded by the Crown, so they *can* exist outside the government beyond the police.

The crack potential of the implications of this are hilarious. I want the Queen to call them in for a visit and for it to naturally devolve into utter chaos until Liz's corgis are biting Owen's ankles and they end up chasing aliens thru Buckingham Palace corridors.

#LIKE CONSIDER: #literally everyone ranges from despises the monarchy (owen) to indifferent at best (tosh) #ianto i can also see as being a royalist but i think the welshman in him would win out #EXCEPT jack who shuts down mucj of the moaning from his team reminds them of manners etc #and they are like why?? do you care again??? #and then they meet liz and its obvious she and Jack had a Thing back in her youth #much to ianto's consternation #i also really want a dialogue between owen and the rest of the gang where owen is all Down with the Monarchy #they are parasites on society #and the team has to remind him they also pay his salary hshshsh #just the sheer irreverent chaos it would all be #someone needs to write this

[jalopeura]

first time that a cleaning lady is visiting and im like girl im so sorry i dont know what to tell you to do. hoover whatever you can reach. oh youre willing to do the dishes too? holy crap yes please

#just life #im trying very hard to work with my person who comes to the house to help me do things to-- #--take care of my own room and my own dishes and my own laundry #but moms stuff and the rest of the kitchen and all? lets jsut sayy ill be Happy to pay someone to do this

[im2tired4usernames]

They stole any possible joy of motherhood I could have possibly wanted they stole my entire childhood they stole my teenage years my twenties and they continue to steal my future they won't be happy untill they've taken my whole life

#i hope your in fuckin hell you ugly cultist bitch i hope your getting what you deserve dad i hope karma hits you #i hope all your children grow up to hate you #quiverfull parents are monsters and they all deserve a place in hell #i hope my next life is that is a thing i get freedom and respect in my life #i hope they get a say in their life snd are well loved well rested and happy #im tired of being alive im so fuckin tired of my life #i cant die because there's wo many people who depend on me but fuck life sucks and it really is 100 because of my parents #i wish my future was actually reachable #i wish people would stop using me #i love my siblings i love spending time and caring for them #but i look at all my other siblings and my dad who fits in dates multiple times a week #who get jobs that pay that they enjoy they get hobbies they are responsible for themselves and only themselves they are starting families #they're getting to experience what it's like to be allowed to be a teen a 20 something a fuckin human person they go to concerts they sleep #when theyre tired they use their money for their own bills and wants and needs they get to go do things with they're partners as often as #they'd like to they get to EXPERIENCE LIFE WHILE I TAKE ON ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY #i want to be able to move in with my partner go in dates do things with friends get married write books draw get a job #i want to grow and change #they get to experience young adult life i get the adult responsibility but not the life experience or world knowledge or wisdom #I'm supposed to be the friendless sexless constant caretaker whos hobbies are dishes and vacuuming #that being said i cant make a future if no one is willing to make a move i cant be the only person trying to grow up #this includes my partner my siblings my dad they all need to make steps for our goals or we'll be stuck in a stagnant bullshit of 'someday' #constantly daydreamin about a future that'll never come i need to start making steps for it and i need other people to start making steps to #gwt ready to start growing up I'm not goin to let people keep holding me back forever my life is goin to fucking change or I'm goin to die

[citizen-zero]

someone realizing they’re not actually trans and retransitioning, that’s fine, I support them. genuinely! I don’t care if someone realizes they’re cis after all.

but it grinds my fucking gears seeing someone regret their initial transition, decide that their experience must be universal, and then dedicate their time to making it harder for trans people (esp kids) to access gender affirming healthcare. it is literally the same logic as anti-choice fuckers who think that, because THEY regret THEIR abortion, no one else should be able to access the same care or be able to safely make the same choice.

retransitioning to your AGAB is not a betrayal by any means whatsoever. everyone needs to be comfortable with their bodies and sense of self. but then using your experience to advocate against others’ rights?

how fucking dare you try to pull the ladder up behind you and make it harder for others to live comfortably. how dare you side with the oppressor, just because you’re so fucking incapable of thinking about anyone but yourself or fathoming that anyone could possibly have a different experience than you. THAT is treachery.

#I shouldn’t have to say this but obviously this is not every retrans person #I just saw a story about a girl who testified in florida against allowing Medicaid to pay for GA care #and I want to have compassion for her bc she is a child and I don’t entirely believe she wasn’t pressured to retrans #but there are others like her and I do consider those people full traitors #you don’t get to take out your regret and trauma on the rest of us #personal #erika's blog and bar

[pneumonic-screamers]

tbh the only reason why I'm not skipping every math lesson and actually giving it ago is bc I know Alan Turing would be disappointed

#jinx's hijinks #but fr why couldnt i get the good at math neurodivergency #like i feel so stupid because my primary school fucked me over in every aspect #i missed out on so many key parts of my learning due to so many factors #all my classmates hated me and i spent so much time just out of class #my school didnt give me any accommodations because i hadnt been flagged as neurodivergent #even tho i was very clearly neurodivergent #i had to leave so many lessons because i would cry uncontrollably or hide under desks because i didnt want to be around anyone #i found it so hard to pay attention to anything that didnt interest me and it effected me so badly #i dont know my times tables because i wasnt taught in a way we could understand #everyone around me understood but me and i was left to fall behind because they cared more about extending other kids further #than helping the kids who were struggling #and i know my school was like this because i excelled in other subjects and watched other kids fall behind because they struggled #anyways can education systems care more about oids who fall behind because it so quickly can fuck up the rest of their schooling #and make it so much harder for them

[zouisalmightie]

.

#im going to use these tags as a way to beat my soul about my job so if you come at me you’re a bitch and i hope you stub each individual to #i finally realized why im unhappy being a teacher and it’s because i don’t care about the future of these kids more than the cursory #‘I hope theyre ok’ you would feel for any stranger in the world #like i want to harm to come to them but i truly don’t care about them #like the kid that sleeps in class ? my thought is finally he’s fucking quiet the kid that’s got a 2% and doesn’t pay attention im like #whatever like im not motivated to get them motivated and if I wasn’t the kind of person that cared about her work id give them worksheets #for the rest of the year making them silently work while I r ead books all day #like I feel like at the beginning I did the calling home and the tutoring and the flipping over backwards to get as many of the kids to #their reading level and ensure they’re getting a great history lesson that’s going to reach every student and now im like #this is the lesson and if you like it great if you don’t idc you can pay attention or fail it’s on you #and part of me feels bad like I should want to dress up like x figure and get them engaged by doing xyz and like I just don’t want to #it’s like what’s the point im going to engage the same 9 kids in each class while the other 21 pretend to #pay attention while they’re texting under their desk and then they’re going to try to google or use ai the answers #and im like…. whatever i dont care turn it in don’t turn it in whatever #ik too young to feel this apathetic about teaching and it suck but also oof I don’t care #I want to quit at the end of the year before my apathy turns into hatred I’ve seen teachers that hate hate the kids and that can’t be me #like even if I stayed for 30 years it wouldn’t be me but the idea of it scares me #I don’t want this job to change who I am as a person but it’s taking away my care for the younger generation #I don’t hate them or wish them ill but I just genuinely don’t care about them or their progress or anything #it’s scary #anyways im rambling idk im just having a bad day ill see this tomorrow and be like wow girl get a snickers cuz this isn’t you #but rn that’s how im feeling

[todayisafridaynight]

YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PRICELESS IS SO GOOD RIGHT... LOVE THE ENDING FOR THAT... and very much anticipating First Penguin's... which I am DETERMINED to continued today... I feel bad for falling behind because I ended up binging a whole anime yesterday since the secondary protagonist was based on Tsutsumi and lost track of Fucking Everything 😭😭😭he is so cute though😚

OH BUT YEAH I played DQXI's demo [the first ten hours of the game or so]... yeaaahhhh... definitely that kind of game for me too... but I hope whenever you get back to it you have a good time! I may not know a thing about Metroid but I am also happy to hear it was an enjoyable experience overall :] I enjoy the tag rambles very much :]

REGARDLESS... EPIC... I HOPE YOU ENJOY SP... OR AT THE VERY LEAST I HOPE YOU CAN STICK WITH IT UNTIL IT BECOMES ENJOYABLE...

AND YOU'RE JUST NOT GOING TO DROP THE TITLE so mean telling me about all these interesting things to watch and not sharin the title (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

TEN HOURS FOR THE DEMO ??? long as hell demo... OH BUT NO i love the games a lot !! ive followed the series for a while since. i do have that dragon ball/toriyama fanatic in me unfortunately even if i dont like toriyama himself ☠️☠️ i only really got to actually start one of the games last year when my bro got DQXI for me and ive been loving it so far (*￣▽￣*)ミ|Ю

i've BEEN enjoying it so far !! i'm just about to start episode four tho i AM gonna lose my mind if this hospital arc goes on one more episode bro this half the series already ☠️

#snap chats #joking of course.... haha unless-- #if this is the chara you mean then he seems like a nice fellow :) i trust his vibes already..... he seems like a chara i'd like... #OH BUT PRICELESS WAS SOOOO GOOD AND SO LOVELY TYSM AGAIN FOR RECCING IT... i hope you enjoy the rest of first penguin !!!!! #NO WORRIES BOUT RUSHIN IT fair nuff theres no deadline !!!! id rather you take your time and enjoy it on your own terms anyhow :) #but SPEEEAAKING of DQ im actually playing it rn LMAO. i only stopped last year cause i just had an awful exp with a boss #and then i got busy with Life but itd been bothering me that i just stopped so i finally decide to get back into it #the boss wasnt even that hard this time around... tho i think thats just cause i went in Prepared this time ☠️ #i dont remember why my bro got me DQXI.. i think he was just using some gamestop deal he had and got himself something too.. #NOOO UGH i dont know if its in the demo but the boss was arachtagon and he's who i thought of while making that ichi and masato comic LMAO #of course i couldnt reference that fight since.... that wasnt the DQ game of the time... but still we get the point i think... #nono i love dragon quest and playing it's something i'm happy i finally get to do #it definitely requires you to think a lot more and be more careful with what you do #i mean itd PRRROOBBBABLY be easier if i did sidequests but i have a terrible tendency to wanna finish the game first... #in any case. i am playing it while watching SP because i was thinking of the next part of the game and was stuck on it #and when i looked up where to go i was like 'no i already checked that spot' and i was just gonna leave it at that but now i cant stop #but i ALSO really wanted to watch SP today but fortunately i can multitask #not like i need to pay a LOT of attention to dq rn.. im just grinding. cause im broke ☠️ #oh but im glad you enjoy the tag rambles :) i have too many thoughts for my own good #like how when i was at the game store i saw DQ treasures AND metroid dread AND the megaman battlenetwork collection.. #i was fighting real demons that day not to empty my wallet.... #luckily my bro was with me so i felt like him being there was a way to keep me in check. even if he prob wouldnt have opposed (￣▽￣;;) #IN ANY CASE. i have multiple medias to consume lest i let The Thoughts take over my brain again for even a second ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶ #inoue's chara is so funny like He's Super Human um doc... i think he's just autistic lowkey..... he still a baller regardless tho

[camerica]

#if i get early pay today #i swear to god i'm going to call off for the rest of today #once Crisis Core is done downloading #but someone please talk me out of getting it for the pc #AND the switch #i don't need it twice #but maybe i do #i think i do #but i don't #someone stop me i'm a madman #I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED #I HAVE BEEN SCREAMING ABOUT A REMAKE FOR MILLENNIA #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #REUNION IS RIGHT BITCH #I'M BOUT TO REUNION MY BOIS #reunite? #WHO CARES

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

today i saw so many instagram stories of people going to the public health manifestation 😭. maybe there is hope after all

#for those who don't know #i don't know how it's in the rest of the country but in madrid the current conservative government has been privatizing non-stop health #centers #while closing public health centers and understaffing hospitals #for instance in my town of 60k+ inhabitants there is no longer an urgencies center #if we need to go to the doctor's for an emergency at 3 am we would have to drive to the next town (or pay for private health care) #i also asked for a doctor's appointment last august and i have it on mid-december #same for a surgery i had last year #i had to be changed hospitals to accelerate the process and with all i still had to wait nearly 6 months #i thought of going to the manifestation but i had too much uni stuff to do #i'm glad so many people mobilized

[ziracona]

I want to replay DA2; I miss my husband Anders so much and it was so fun but. Literally how will I ever make it past All That Remains again. The first pass nearly killed me. But I can’t beat Act 2 without it. But I can’t go through that again. But I have to replay DA2. But I’ll die. But I-

#every day I look at DA2 replay and All That Remains is The Horrors™️ bouncer guarding the door #dragon age 2 #like that quest traumatized me. I think I’ve cried every time I explained it to so #someone. I… but I want to replay. I miss my husband and I miss my friends. I loved the letters updating you on quest outcomes years later. I #love Bethie I love Mom I love Isabella and Merrill I love the Arishok fuck I miss him. I mean I don’t regret my /choice/ because it would be #the epitome of unfair for Isabella to pay for the second selfless act of her life on a scale to rival the first. but god I regret having to #end where we ended and I know he did too. DA…is a tragedy… anyway I miss the looming terror of trying to protect my husband from pulling a #Zero Requiem I miss Aveline’s stupid bad flirt quest I miss that time Anders said ‘her kind will betray u tho when it’s u or demon. blood #Mages do that.’ and I went ‘no way she’d never’ and immediately Merrill tried to kill me for a demon but later said ‘I’m sorry 🥺’ so we all #forgave her bc. Merrill. baby sister number 2. I miss the insanity. I miss Bethany killing 30 Templars on her own in 4 seconds while the #rest of us just stared like ‘tf the wardens feeding her??? infinity stones?!?’ I miss people telling me about their lives I miss being #recruited to help the mage Underground Railroad I miss Hawke’s stupid sassy comments and making our w Anders. I miss the love I miss having #a least 3 companions who cared and asked about my welfare. #instead of just using me for therapy. I miss being punished for my decisions instead of random no win choices that shouldn’t be binary in #the first place. I miss being rogue girl flirt eldest daughter syndrome. I miss the VAs for my companions. I miss-

[ghosthart]

why is it so hard for me to just not be jealous of my former classmates like girl u made ur life this way 😐 idk just realizing why i quit insta 3 yrs ago

#ppl be like this is where i am in life!!!! #and i’m like hmmm that should be me #meanwhile i had shitty grade in hs and dropped out of college immediately #and have only worked fast food and retail and i’m mentally fucked #my only hope in life is that some stupid company thinks i’m normal enough to hire #and that my bf finally takes the last class he needs to graduate and get a higher paying job #so that he can support both of us #cuz i think my mom is gonna be like yeah i can’t support u for the rest of my life #but also i’m like why would i want what they have #the type of person i am truly is someone who just does not go outside much #besides like being in nature at the park or something like that #i don’t care for going out to bars or whatever and i don’t care abt going out with friends often #i’m content to just see a couple ppl in my life every now and then and be at home with my dog and cat #so like. why would i be jealous of ppl who get to travel the world and live in other countries and go out partying #idk it’s like even tho i know i would hate that amount of stress my brain is still like hmph that should be me 😡

[lilgynt]

y’all remember halloween and i had my worst meltdown to date outside of attempts? similar build up rn actually

#personal #:) #i’m not doing great. my brother asked how i’m doing and it’s the first time #in a very long time someones asked me that without me begging them to example when i broke my foot #anyway he sent me that after i was making sure he’s been calling our dad and it led to me violently sobbing bc no one ever asks me that #and i’m just overwhelmed constantly #and yesterday my mom said my brother offered to let dad stay with him #other brother than the one who asked im doing it’s the one who broke my door on christmas #and she said it was so nice not to feel alone in this fight and i want to scream #which i have been in my car my floor anywhere i can it’s really easy to just scream till i can’t and cry lately #and it’s like i mean nothing. #like all the talks we have all the constant venting to me every conversation ending with me giving her money or treats or WHATEVER #like the night my brother called her i was like hey. i know this is bad and dads abusive to you. that gets lost in translation a lot and #you get pained as the villain but you’re not. this is horrible and i recognize that and want you to know #between helping my dad all the time like even while in the rest room i just have to be available #and my moms calling me to make sure he eats im paying btw and clean the house and fix a lamp #and half i can’t do bc of my dad #and she came home and was like heat this up for dad and i just broke i lied and said i feel on my foot bc i was screaming #and she starting muttering some shit about me but took care of my dad #and then my friends want to hang out and i get it most people need to hang out with friend occasionally #but i turn them down and he’s like trying to keep asking me and i’m like no i need to rest and do my taxes it’s been a bit hectic between #family emergencies new full time job and a broken foot #but he keeps pushing ti im just like no i’m not going out. i don’t want to get into it but life is very bad for me rn #frankly speaking i would kill myself than go out tonight tomorrow or even next week (we have plans next week) but i should be normal enough #by next week to hang. #and it’s like this with so many fucking people and the only people i would willingly see rn #is audrey and gg and my brother and sure i have plans tomorrow but i’m not super excited about it #and they should be quick! #if i get anymore push back i’m just canceling all plans and going mia i just can’t do this