#if this doesnt go in the tags im not deleting it so.

[benjaminthecoathanger]

okay, because i saw a poll earlier and i thought the choices weren't clear enough and also the answers i saw to it annoyed me and also i'm curious:

NOTES:

I am including having watched gameplay of a game and not having played it as having watched the source material

In this context if you are writing fic/making art and you are not being commissioned to do so. This is purely for funsies

You getting into something because you saw a post/gifset/video about it and then watched the source material does not count. That's just how you get into new things.

Goncharov does not count because it's not real. I'll break kayfabe here I don't care.

#polls #look i got really annoyed by reading the tags of the since-deleted poll of people like 'did you forget goncharov hahaha' like. #that. that's not what was asked. #also like. i'll reblog posts of something ive not seen if i think theyre interesting/funny #but i don't count that as like. 'engaging in fandom" necessarily #bc to me at least fandom requires active engagement? and like im not gonna go hunting for like. leverage posts if ive not seen it #i also don't read fanfic like. at all. so i have no concept of how people read it? #like. i last read fanfic like 2 years ago bc i had just finished disco elysium #so people who read fic bc of the like. tropes or whatever like. i do not get it. im happy for you though #anyway. sorry i went insane i love u all #ben leaves the house #or doesnt. i guess in this case. a very Chronically Online Poll

[skitskatdacat63]

"To dream the impossible dream, that is my quest." - Prince Fernando of Asturias

+ Seb not getting what he ordered

+ the usual

Hello yes, look! It's baby Renault Fernando, isn't he so cute??? Who wouldn't want to force him into an arranged marriage, like cmon man be real. Here is the progress as usual, as well as his suit without the design, cause I'm pretty proud of it just blank even!

Okay so this is pure Fernando, innocent Fernando, before he had his apirations ripped way from him. Well not fully ripped away tbf, because that's the crux of his character: is it more humiliating to never succeed or to only succeed because someone handed it to you with concessions? I guess that's up for him to decide though ;;;

The thing I love about this drawing and young Fernando in general is how much easier it is to see his and Seb's similarities. Look how similar they look! Seb is just a bit more evil.

I think that's a big part as to why his feelings about Seb are so complicated. He both loves and hates how similar they are. From an egotistical point, he can appreciate and respect the familiar traits in Seb, the hunger, the exuberance, the pride, the ego. But also we hate seeing our own traits in other people, it's almost like turning a mirror on your worst traits and suddenly being able to see yourself from a new perspective. The biggest point here though is that Fernando turns that resentment onto Seb, as a way to clamp down on self hatred.

He becomes more bitter and resentful as he grows older, and loses a lot of his whimsy and joy. So it hurts him to see Seb, who in addition to getting everything he's ever wanted, also retain his whimsy. He, wrongly, just sees it as something that had to happen in order for him to grow up fully. It's more of a survival tactic, it started becoming unbefitting for him to have that level of unfounded confidence. That's the main reason he sees Seb as childish, immature and undeserving. He hasn't fully grown out of his capacity for whimsy and joy, and thus is below Fernando.

Well that was depressing oops! As the chibi art represents, this is probably a painting Seb got sent in the early days of planning their marriage. This is the Fernando who is still prideful, the Fernando who is still confident, the Fernando Seb vaguely remembers meeting his youth. Seeing this definitely pushes him even further towards the marriage(though tbf it's not like he even has a choice either.) Though when the time to actually start courting comes around, Fernando looks very uh different. This is both a joke about how different Fernando was in his first renault stint vs his second. But also I think he does show up very moody and disheveled, as a sort of last chance way to try and turn everyone on Seb's side, including Seb, off from the marriage. However, it's pretty much a done deal by that point.

Seb is uh, definitely confused, but I think he would be drawn to Fernando regardless. Actually, this might make Fernando even more appealing. Seb gets to push him all the time, try to break down his walls and get a glimpse at the real Fernando, if even just for a moment. Seb wishes he had more that just a blurry, vague recollection of Fernando at his peak confidence. Fernando definitely grows into something resembling his past self, after recovering from all the hurt, but there's just something about youthful exuberance that can't really be fully replicated.

Okay so about the quote. I went with Don Quixote this time instead of the typical Napoleon, because I thought it'd be funny. Fernando picks up the book at some point during his youth, and it inspires him a lot. He doesn't really see the satire in it, and comes to really admire Don Quixote's mentality, he's like "wow he never gives up! That's so admirable!" It definitely helps him through dark times to aspire to never give up no matter what. Though later Seb definitely rags on him for not knowing it was satire, and Fernando is like "wh-what do you mean satire?" But he's mentally strong enough atp for it to not cause his whole worldview collapse. About the quote specifically, there's definitely some part of him, even when young, that knows his aspirations are borderline impossible. I wonder if that part of him feels weirdly safe and comforted about the marriage. Yes, it's not ideal, but it's safe and secure. He gets what he wants, and there's no chance of anyone taking it away from him, no matter what.

I think his title would be Prince of Asturias? It was either that or duke, and I think prince fits him bettee(Machiavelli reference?) That title is currently the title for the heir to the Spanish throne. In this time period, it's also commonly used for the heir, but for Fernando it's a bit unsure. Like in real life, he's not directly the offspring, but he's still the most obvious choice for heir. But there's still enough room for Seb and his house to try to vie for the throne themselves, so it makes it all complicated.

#*btw that quote is from don quixote just so thats clear. creds to Cervantes lmfao. i explained in the read more why ! #hahahaha all my lore and tags and everything got deleted so i had to rewrite this all. original post you will live on fondly in my memories #^ i was half asleep writing it the 2nd time so i hope its still good? #its always going to be inferior to me but ig it doesnt rly matter bcs im the only one who actually got to read it ha #anyways super happy with this ahhhh!!! #it was so much fun to draw. i got to focus more on the fashion and its great as well bcs renault's colors are fire #im also glad to draw him bcs i feel like ive neglected hima bit compared to the others! its been a fair bit since ive drawn him #i cant remember what else i said here haha so ill just say hope ya like! #im still happy with the characterization notes and lore in the read more so def read it still!! #and as always please inquire if you have any thoughts or question abt the au #fernando alonso #f1 #formula 1 #<- it gets more and more absurd every drawing to tag this but ah tradition ig #catie.art #boy king au #vettonso

[squuote]

*SLAMS THIS DOWN WITH BRUTE FORCE okay placing this here!!! getting truly silly with it now

alt version that i think is more fun

#crows secret arts #employee 404 #not posting this into the main tags lmaooo #sona #its me :-) #this is me but for the sake of being understandable ill refer to them as a separate thing for a moment #basically a files paperwork person who doesnt usually leave their office #doesn't notice when everyone goes missing or when the looping begins. it just happens but theyre too unaware to grasp it #eventually narrator finds out. rather than delete he just. uses them for manual labor. cause its convenient lmao #time loops continue forward because unlike stanley their work never stopped so they just. keep going. #ok im sleeping now ^__^ forgot how fun this is to do hehe

[infernaltenor]

maybe im just a super salty person bc its 5am and im Still not sleepingn and Still thinking about it but i cant help but feel that qtubbo fans are some of the most hypocritial people ive ever seen. this is like. full of generalizations and just observations ive made as a crow and im. typically defensive and salty so im gonna try to be objective but at the very least im not trying to neg on the characters or the ccs, since im directing this towards the fans. its also like a solid two months of build up .so. oops?

but uh. how to start explaining this. well for one im taking this as a recent fan who is a phil watcher pretty much only. but i tend to chronically read posts about other characters since when im into things i like to be informed on all cases (idk constant instinct i have lol). like i said im gonna focus on qtubbo here, if i go into qphil stuff its purely as a comparison point. i cant speak much on interactions with other fanbases since i simply am Not informed enough but yknow.

for one, i think both tubbo and phil ahve similar things when remembering lore that is Not their own. not a neg on either one, since i dont expect them to remember it, but both have forgotten major stuff recently, ie. fred's kidnapping (phil) and the birdhouse (tubbo). both things happened before purgatoryand the subsequent forgetting happened after so even in character it makes sense (they had more to worry about), but i also think reactions in character tends to fuck with audience perception. ie, tubbos very visceral reaction to the ill timed fred joke phil had made (and it was ill timed, and thats all that i feel was criminal about it. tubbo and phils friendship is very much based on banter and friendly barbs, lots of teasing from either side. phil simply shot back on a smilar level as tubbo had originally, making his joke about "phil and who?". other people have spoken on that so im not gonna rehash about whos comment was worse, since imo they were both just shy of being insensitive, had tubbo not been dealing with freds presumed death at the time. im not gonna talk about the funeral, becasue if i do i'll get mad.). likewise, when tubbo forgot birdhouse phils reaction was much less outwards. he just said a birdhouse wouldnt be slaying- given the imprisionment he had, it makes sense that phil would associate it negatively, especially since it catalzyed all of his future derealization episodes. both of these are simply ooc things imo, from their original standpoint. i dont think either is in the wrong for forgetting. but what annoys me is the fandom perception.

this is a problem im going to link back heavily to purgatory. im not sure if it was present beforehand, as i only really got into qsmp the last two-three weeks in october (bad timing) and had only really been watching vods in order to catch up. that being said, i think the bolas and soulfire rivalry had widened the gap between the fans, which in turn affects negative perception. later weeks in november had full bad faith interpretations of phil because he was critical of tubbos choices or simply didnt understand sunnys character perfectly. and there were. a lot of those. purgatory had happened just a few weeks prior, so i liken it to that. maybe it is just my expierence, but the phrasing of a lot of character crit and analysis between the two has wildly different interpretations of a character (to wildly different results)

you can get qphil fans explaining against a bad faith interpretaiton, and people will (and have) called them excuses to defend against character analysis. i have noticed, however, when qtubbo fans do the same thing (and they have) it seems to be more of a matter of adding context to the conversation. thats.... exactly what qphil fans are doing however? when talking critically about qtubbo not communicating with other parents and friends both his and sunny insecurities, its all that hes younger and in a bad mental state. but you have something about phil not understanding sunnys character perfectly, and hes a cruel stepmother and such; and when an explanation is added to why hes not a bad father nor a good father, just an imperfect one trying his best, its simply a "mindless defense against a crit of his character". are these not the same things? providing context to a percieved bad faith interpretation? idk. i cant tell if its the age or the percieved roles theyre supposed to take, but why is tubbo allowed to be imperfect and doused in outward angst, especially when interacting with other characters (ramon had to take the initiative to communicate with tubbo. and yet. age age age.) phils just as complex and imperfect and unwell. all of qsmp is unwell. it is an explanation, not an excuse.

anyway. i think i was thinking about this because of the flightless bird/ostrich dna joke. ill timed, just like the fred one. but phils reaction speaks volumes doesnt it? if its an age one maybe he'll overdramaticize, but he laughs it off mostly. theres a lot he laughs off. he doesnt. "if your kid wasnt here id kill you". tubbo doesnt know about phils failed flight. he probably wont for a while (i cant help but think qphil is embarassed. he was knocked unconcious from hitting the water too hard. and he knows how to fly? fuck, man). i think its wild, however, that one fred joke gets the entire fanbase ready to deface and mischaracterize the whole character. but one wing joke gets maybe shocked laughter and about two posts complaining? idk. maybe im just complaining about nothing, im tired as fuck.

tldr is that tubbo fans are so wildly hypocritical that they cant see when theyre doing the same thing as everyone else. im sure im being hypocritical in this post, its human. but its annoying as fuck when its everywhere, and i think purgatory made it worse.

#im just gonna tag this #qsmp neg #even tho its not really #its such a specific stupid problem but i have sent so many texts to one of my friends who doesnt even Watch qsmp i had to get it off my che #tenor talks #mutuals not interested im So Sorry #actually anyone not interested or whatever im also So Sorry i get annoyed so easily. #50/50 i delete this whjen i actually get some sleep idk. its 5:15am bbg i can invent wholeass problems you cant even dream of. #ok im going now.

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

hiki and geki matching post

hiki and geki matching post

#utau #kazehiki utau #gekiyaku utau #(this isn't all of them but these are the ones i thought matched the most esp given the poses; these r the 偽薬; 点滴; and 顆粒 vbs respectively) #(also i hope this doesnt go against kuzutokaze's terms?? cause its just low quality screencaps and not the full high res art) #(but ill delete if i have to) #theyre sillyyyy i like them BOTH when u have vsynths that are meant to b counterparts do not separate them!!! #angst siblings angst siblings... (to me.) maybe im particularly based b/c reminds me of my own brother and i #but also ive just read interpretations/fantheories abt these two that have absolutely DESTROYEDDD me sad as fuck man wtf 😭😭 #i have a lot of thoughts abt a lot of vsynths. ughhhh curse me not having a lot of time to draw rn #i will admit i was a bit more hiki based at first lmao but ive warmed up to geki; yeah her voice tone def isnt for everyone #i totally get that. but she can roll her rs so good LMAOO... and also just in the way/s i interpret her she reminds me a lot of myself :( #[well ok i project heavilyyy on a lot of my vsynth interpretations but these two. i can do things. *hits them w/ my latine beam*] #[JOKINGG... /hj. in a way. shhhhhhhh dont even worry about it. i NEEED to test out more how they both sound in spanish tho i need] #please ignore these tags for the love of god 😭😭😭 its late and im going a little unhinged

[dandyshucks]

blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl

#I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE BLOCKED ALREADY. i am TRYING to curate my experience 😭😭😭 #and i have so many tags blacklisted fjdsjkl like. so many. every single variation of tag to do with those chuckleheads #which helps avoid them a lot of the time tbh bc it'll flag posts that ppl rb if the original post was tagged w any of those #so i can avoid rbing posts that have chuckleheads as the op most of the time #i also usually double check OP's blog before i rb stuff now bc man this place is rife with these weirdos #ANYWAYS. yes i want to try to engage w the community but i do not think i can handle it if theres gonna be so many edgelords jkdslfl #the only way i follow new ppl now is when yall do promo hour and i sometimes see a new face pop up fdsjkl #every now and then i have energy to try to engage with new ppl but its so difficult when so many ppl are such insufferable edgelords !!!! #''im the nasty pr-sh-pper your parents warned you about 😎'' cool man you sound like the most insufferably obnoxious person ever. :/ #''if you like CENSORSHIP-'' i am hitting block immediately bc u have a fundamental misunderstanding of what censorship actually is 👍 #I'M TIREDDDD WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB ABOUT THIS STUFF. ''fiction doesn't affect reality'' I GUESS PROPAGANDA DOESNT EXIST THEN ???? #what a strange world they live in honestly. they dont understand how stories have served humans since the dawn of time. sighing loudly. #vent // #SORRY FOR THIS ONE IM JUST. ARGH. ppl talk abt encouraging community but i think maybe im not cut out for community #i want desperately to partake but i cannot handle it if it means dealing w all these bozos #it frustrates me to no end fdhsjkl and it upsets me so much and i wish i could deal w it better but. my nervous system is broken fdsjkl #i will try to expand my circle every now and then but i cannot do it often bc of this 😭 im not going to give up entirely though fdsjkl #(also this is partially why i dont tag my posts w community tags anymore bc i am just. so scared of these freaks getting their hands on it) #(the most i'll do is s.afeship or variations every now n then bc supposedly they're not in those tags fdsjkl) #delete later #dandyshucks

[pyrriax]

hi tumblr im pyrr pyrriax and im in my trimonthly artist arc, lord help me and all the projects that are currently sitting in my drafts while i am lured in by the siren song of drawing

#haunted ecosystem #this is not helping with how much my hands hurt on a daily basis this is why i type and dont handwrite/draw very much. #im lured in regardless and i really need to find an artform that doesnt Hurt but for now. digital art <3 #like theres a difference between my dumb doodles (quick easy not much different from regular computer usage) and actual art #but im an artist at heart i spent sooooo long being an artist and thinking i was shit at writing. that is wrong! im actually kinda good #im rambling in tags today because i have been not social (my partner is in genshin hell and my beloved is. somewhere.) #okay but on another note i reread the first. couple chapters of wtds this morning? the pacing is a little weird and the tense is fucked #but its actually a lot better than i thought it was? you can tell i was fleshing everybody out in my head and i totally forgot about how #i described the watcher [who i am STILL redacting the name of until we get there] and just. ough. pandora being very logical #and then jumping to the latest chapter and fucking sobbing because i forgot about how it went and just. pandora and his. #whatever the fuck is wrong with him. #i have gotta start recommending people read that again. its surprisingly friendly without context because of how i approached it #that fic has taught me so many things its actually a little comical. it also made me relearn how to make and write ocs so thats fun #once i finish that main fic (and i WILL i am actually planning to sign up for a thing. im finishing it i swear.) i finally get to show off #more of the world and characters ive crafted. showing backstories and what-ifs and all these oneshots ive been keeping close to my chest #for like absolutely ages because i dont want any spoilers on my tumblr #and. im finishing that fic in pseudo-memoriam of somebody who deleted their accounts everywhere. still miss you dane! #ok this has completely gone off topic ily tumblr im going back to drawing and i might make a new pfp #it'll still be lavius but it'll be fray lavius since i think about him a lot and i like his color palette.

[comfymoth]

y’know what should have happened cquackity should have killed cdream last spring instead of just torturing him. 1) it would have gotten rid of cdream solving all my problems and 2) the conflicting guilt and righteous fury would have made quackity even sexier. him and sam could write it off as an ‘accident’ and bond over this fucked up secret only they know about it would be just like h—

#dream smp #i’m normally not. like. a rewrites guy but my heads going crazyyyyy rn this has potential tell me it doesnt have potential #put cquackity on that will graham arc i want him so isolated because hes scared of how good it felt #so thennn it makes his whole stupid rivalry with wilbur more interesting because wilbur #in his head #is a man who’s seen the consequences of his actions where quackity is just waiting for his #and they can have a cooler deeper discussion about guilt and morality than whatever the burger arc was #and eventually it just makes them both realize they have to keep living. and go back to the people they love instead of cutting off #ok gonna stop writing fic in the tags cut myself off while im ahead but #cquackity should kill. that’s all #abuse ment #by proxy #ig #sorry im being a little deranged maybe ill delete this outta shame later AHDKDJDKDJDKD

[craycraybluejay]

Codependency is underrated

#and kinda overrated also #bc when the ppl i love do anything my brain is like 'u dont matter to them' #i always talk ab how jealousy is not hot but im genuinely so full of envy and jealousy #like WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO THEM they talked shit to you about me ARE THEY STILL WHISPERING IN YOUR EAR #i get so mad! #its not FAIR that when i meddle in other ppls affairs im obliterated over it and cut off #but then when someone else meddles in MY relationships that person is forgiven and im expected to forgive them too? #no! #cut them off like you'd cut me off if i ever pulled that shit! #its not fair its a double standard #'its not going to happen again' i dont care they should actually just be dead but im willing to compromise #even compromise isnt enough for ppl they want to break ur heart and know u will let them #its an UNBALANCED codependency bc i know i would get rid of someone if that person asked me to instantly #i would especially never try to defend someone they dont like for good reason to them. wtf. #i just feel like such a doormat bc im always loyal and other ppl just arent #cant u see this person doesnt care ab u!! theyre using u for their image! theyre a parasite! why are they more important! #vent post #vent in tags #delete later

[recallback-art]

oh yeah ftr, there's been talk floating around of a potential deal between tumblr and mid/journey and that's obviously bad news for me here. nothing is official yet and iiiii will probably keep posting until it is either debunked or confirmed, but be aware that i'm gonna delete this blog if its real.

if you'd like to help out small creators like me so we can keep our blogs here, email tumblr via contact us and tell them exactly how bad this is. be calm, be clear, and be serious so they take things seriously. k thaaaaanks sorry for the doom and gloom

#recall speaks #im putting no further tags on this bc i dont want anyone except followers to see it #this is between us ok. im scared and i dont have anywhere else to go so i hope this doesnt happen #the webtools or whatever dont work theyre constantly needing to be adapted and like #my ultimate goal was being able to post writing #im a writer at my heart #theres no protections for writing. no ones ever thought to protect us writers who dont have the importance to copyright shit #i would just be showing everything to my friends and no one else forever and that would be very sad #dont feel bad if u rbd stuff btw ik that that itself also renders the tools and deleting useless #but u were just using the site the way ur supposed to u just wanted to share my stuff and i was happy u did #loving real art is one of the few defences we have

[meep--tm]

:)

#putting this in tags bc i dont want ppl to rb me complaining! #this is gonna sound vent-y because it kinda is?? but i havent had anything to post in so long bc art is just #SO hard rn #im working part time and as a disabled person it's really draining #and all of my artistic energy has had to go towards zine work #just so i dont miss deadlines #+ my ipad is like. the worlds oldest crying baby. it doesnt like me anymore #+ im so bad at connecting with/talking to people online that i kinda feel like im posting to.. no one... recently... #IDK! im okay! i dont need comforting i just wanted to throw smth out there for anyone who might follow my art close enough to care #im gonna be doing merch prep to potentially table at cons soon so hopefully that should give me things to share! #im just feeling a bit demotivated :( #ill probably delete this post in a day or two but theres ur lil Meepdate (meep update

[ouroborosman]

i mean you can't NOT light a cig for your boss

my brain is melting hahaa /pos

disclaimer disclaimer - smoking is dumb btw

#welcome home puppet show #welcome home oc #welcome home #wally actor au #wally darling #wally darling actor au #wh wally #sona #cw smoking #jokes on jay bc wally doesnt have lungs to get cancer from lol #frillsand #gosart #jesus im going back and tagging my art and i hateeeee this piece so much #taking all my willpower to not delete it

[sarcophagid]

“nooooo why are kokonoi and inui separated” believe it or not a person is an individual creature and you can live just fine and content without constantly being around someone else. the people you are close to will inevitably change over time, sometimes you are close to someone and you drift apart and maybe you never drift back and thats fine that’s a part of life etc. etc.

#tokyo revengers #i didnt even care about kokonui b4 i went on tumblr and saw how irritating people are about it #no one even thinks about kokonoi and inui without immediately going to smash 2 barbies together #it gets to the point where important details of their relationship are ignored/twisted to fit into some archetypal romance #its literally one of the things i think is done alright in the ending #they're different people now you move on. #in the manila timeline they were still working together and they absolutely were not happy. #shit doesnt get fixed just because you have a relationship with someone romantic or not #idk this is kind of pointless considering the story itself is kinda stupid #so what im saying contradicts it. but love doesn't automatically erase the pain someone puts you through #misc and non art tag #lets be annoying im not deleting this post #also just because they don't work together doesn't mean that they're strangers like #everyone has old friends they don't totally connect with. or maybe they do connect just not shown idc #it's a weird reaction to the chapter either way

[yikes-ajax]

Was stimming so hard I genuinely worried I managed to break my own neck for a second

#my back hurts now >:'( #anyways ive been feeling a special kind of mentally ill the past few days #as if spending $200 on sims 4 expansion packs doesnt say enough #BUT GUYS I USED TO BE SUCH A HORSE GIRL WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND THEY HAVE HORSES NOW AND MY INNER CHILD GOES YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH #*deep breath* dont make this about sims *more deep breaths* no sims no horses #I OWN A FFUFUCKING RANCH YALL IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF WHEN I WAS LITTLE #the horses! they are SO pretty! #sim 3 is still my baby though 4 is just a side bitch ✋🙄 #tried to move everything to steam so i deleted origin and then... had to download it again #I FUCKING HATE ORIGIN RAAAAAAHHHHH #im feeling so very hmmnnhggnrggg #shitpost #shitposting #stimming #stimblr #forgive my tags i dont really explore much of Tumblr #i come to the restaurant and the menu is all tags for my hot elven boys i either crush on or get severe gender envy from #my dash is seriously just cats and elves and im not about to go change that okay #augh i have no idea what to tag this #like stimming is a thing for a lot of disorders and while i probably have some of them and just haven't been diagnosed i dont wanna give off #the impression that im part of that “community” #but hey im a real hit with autistic ppl apparently since pretty much all of my old friends were autistic and we all vibed good #probably just means im somewhere on the spectrum too considering one of them initially approached me BECAUSE they thought i was autistic #them: hey i know this might sound offensive but i mean this nicely. are you autistic too? #me with two chew necklaces in my mouth rubbing my feet on the carpet trying to focus and failing miserably: fuck if i know #look ive grown up with autistic ppl my whole life so ive never really thought to research. its just been... a normal thing to me? #so i dont know a lot but i do know either i fit the critera or ive just subconsciously snatched traits from my childhood bestie #the amount of times I've been asked if i am autistic though is... well its certainly made me notice my behaviors more #and WOW have the rants in tags seriously derailed today #i love writing in tags its like a little secret message for little secret tag readers

[reaperkiller]

he’s gazing wistfully out of the window dreaming of the day he finally finds his goddamn car

#cyberpunk 2077 #he's in there now. #redacted.gif #oc seb #there he is!!! very loudly explaining to elza how theyre going to get his car back. #when they find it. he hasnt thought about the fact that he has to find it first #but elza doesnt have the heart to point it out so she is just letting him waffle on <3 queen #i wrote a whole lore dump here but then deleted it bc i have decided to save it for another day <3 #not tagging anyone bc sometimes i am oh so afraid of making people see my guys] #IM SOWWY <3

[martyrbat]

👍👍

#im bout to be whiny before getting nauseated at being kimda vulnerable and end up deleting this but just #shoutout to my friend (who was the only person i ever shared my writing with for over a year) #just telling me they've always just skimmed my fics AND infodumps because they dont care. like has read at most a handful of me talking & #usually skips any rare audio message that i sent when SUPER excited and made up drama to have an excuse to change topics #again. for over a year. #then getting guilt trippy when i was hurt by it until i apologize instead which !! lmao fuck ok ! #its just... very hmpth :/ bc it eas already a shitty night and week of nonstop migraine. and then this #and taking into account im someone who NEVER blocks any of my friends tags or doesnt read and invest myself in their interests #even if i dont like it; i love seeing people (even strangers) excited and talking about what they like so of course im going to #at least watch them talk on it and/or actually research into it because i want to be able to understand their happiness! #and because its whats important to them !! i dont expect the same and im not shaming anyone for not doing the same its fine I guess #but to tell me? and to say they dont read my writing or give a single shit about me talking about something #when i always put 100% into their interests? am i that shitty of a writer and that obnoxious to listen to lmao #like i feel shitty for even being hurt over it and even venting because you guys arent here for that and its mean to force it on ur dash #and i dont want to be too whiny but also. jfc man #ill stay silly starting tomorrow and post about batmans balls or whatever. sorry for the vent just. bleh. #that ‘december please bro please im begging just a break please man’ post but its me throughout this February too apparently