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organised-disaster · 9 days

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Okay after much stalling here it is. @randosfandos was responsible for about 90% of the encouragement so this is their fault. The first chapter of my Hunger Games fanfic

SNOWBIRD: CHAPTER I

I finally knock my opponent's feet out from under her with one sweeping kick, then rush behind her and catch her into a chokehold. She turns bright red, frothing at the mouth, then rapidly taps my arm after only a few seconds.

I drop her. She rubs her throat, gasping and coughing as she slumps over on the ground. I sit down next to her, trying to catch my breath. I underestimated how difficult that would be. I pull my black hair out of its high ponytail, wrapping the band around my wrist.

It reaches my lower back when I'm standing, although my slouched sitting position means it now brushes the ground. I would always absent-mindedly play with it when I was younger. I tend to do that less now.

I massage my sore chin. It took far too many hits in that fight. My sparring partner is no better off, one of her eyes squeezed shut and my handprints on her skin from every harsh grab. I probably clawed her up more than was necessary, now that I think about it.

But we're not training for a competition, are we? We're training to be deadly on our own without weapons. There always has to be a certain sense of urgency when it comes to training, but today we felt it most. We had to finish fast, after all. This was a last-minute session.

She punches my shoulder. I glance at her. She's holding out her hand for me to shake. I take it, the wrapping on both our hands rasping together. She stands up, stretches her back, and walks out the door of the den.

Fair enough. I should leave to get cleaned up, too. A good shower and a lot of soap would do wonders for me right now. I crack my neck as I rise. Then my knuckles. Then my wrists.

As I finish twisting my left wrist around, someone in the audience catches my eye. She waves meekly at me, one hand on her knee and clutching at the hem of her blue dress. It's quite a nice summer dress. She's wearing it for a good reason today. I wave back at Sera, smiling at her. She looks like she laughs, tucking some of her curly dirty-blonde hair behind her ear.

Her warm, amber eyes crinkle when she laughs. She's always been a good friend of mine. Always. But... I mostly only call her my friend because it's the safest option. I don't truly know how I feel about Sera, only that I trust her. That I love her, platonic or otherwise.

I push those thoughts to the back of my mind. It's not important right now. I'll have time to figure it all out later. Sera stands up and starts to walk down the steps from her row in the seats.

She's never been stable on stairs, giving her an unsure step down. It's careful and controlled, however, so that she doesn't fall. She has to hold her hair behind her ears while she walks down. Otherwise, it obscures her vision.

It's always so pretty, the way she gets down stairs, all things combined. The way she carefully tests her stability with one foot, gently bringing the other down and hesitating before repeating the whole thing again.

She's quite a graceful-looking girl, Sera. Even if she trips over, as she likes to say, "particularly thick patches of air." She always manages to recover immediately, popping up with some bright comment about the quality of the pavement or the situation with the ants.

Sera reaches the bottom of the stairs and smiles at me. She closes her eyes when she smiles. It's a sweet, although slightly childish, trait that's persisted even to the age of seventeen.

"Did you see that, Rumes? Made it to the floor this time," she says, the light tone of her voice suggesting she's not serious.

"Yes, you did very well, Sera. Would you like an award?" I jab playfully back. I theatrically spread my hands in the air, acting like I'm showing something off. "Sera Kaishurr, great at not tripping and snapping her neck during basic physical activity!"

Sera elbows me, annoyed but still amused. I can't disguise the pained groan that comes out of my mouth. I must have bruised pretty rough after my sparring partner hit me in the ribs.

Sera tsks disapprovingly.

"Is it that bad, Rumes?" she asks, genuinely concerned now. Her playfulness has vanished, being replaced by mild sadness. Sera has always looked out for me.

"Oh, just hurts a little. I'll be fine in no time, don't you worry," I say clunkily. I may as well have told her with how bad that lie was. I'm not a bad liar, but I just can't seem to lie to Sera.

As expected, she's not convinced. She rolls her eyes.

"It's okay if you got hurt, Rumes. You don't have to act like you're invincible," she says. I give a short, quiet laugh.

"Nah, I'm immortal. I'm indestructible. Infallible, even," I jokingly boast.

"Ah, yes, Rumi Erudite, famous for never ever making a single mistake in her whole life, ever," Sera shoots in response.

We both laugh. She takes one of my hands, her fingers between mine, and starts leading me out the door of the building.

"Oh, also, happy birthday, you jerk. Your present's on your bed," Sera says, trying to sound annoyed.

"Aw, you shouldn't have," I say. Sera laughs softly, tucking her hair behind her ear again. I study her face, unable to tear away my eyes.

Some people think we're sisters, if only for a short while. Their main justifications are our heights and how close we are. I can sort of see it with our similar statures and frames. But there are differences aside from our hair colour and attitudes that make us easy to tell apart.

Sera's eyes are that gorgeous dark gold. Mine are just a foggy green. Sera is healthily tanned, spending all her time out on the open ocean, while I am an alarming type of pale for someone my age, spending my time indoors learning all the ways to kill someone with a fishhook.

Sera is strong with calloused hands, handling nets and heavy loads of fish. I am fit and scarred, exercising and fighting every day of my life. Sera is broad-shouldered and round-faced, I am lean with a narrow face and sharp cheekbones.

Sera is capable, definitely, but her body has a pleasant softness to it that she can't seem to shed, always eating well and in large quantities. My body has nothing in excess as a result of a tight diet and tighter exercise.

Sera is bright and brilliant, always smiling or laughing. I always look outwardly hostile, my default expression of a scowl making me unapproachable. We lead very different lives, Sera and I. We couldn't be sisters. And... I think I'd prefer we remain that way.

My heart's beating faster now that she's holding my hand. I squeeze her hand tighter, looking to hold it forever. There is only birdsong to greet us. We are awake before the sun.

"Hey, come on. Let's see the sunrise," says Sera, leading me to where we always go.

There's a hill that runs behind the Justice Building. The hill is almost touching it with how close it is, meaning if you know your way through the alleyways, you can get onto the hill and the roof of the Justice Building.

The Peacekeepers don't usually do anything to stop people from just sitting there. Why would they? They have no reason to even bother. The only people who ever go there are me and Sera. And the odd couple, of course.

Sera talks about nothing in particular while leading me there. She goes on and on and on about her latest fishing trip. Allegedly, she caught some kind of shark that was this big. The shark gets bigger every time she mentions it.

Sera talks when she gets nervous. I've found that out during school presentations. Sera once completely froze up and started a nearly irrelevant tangent about muttations. We were supposed to be talking about the core industries of every district at the time.

Her anxious ramblings slowly fade from my hearing. I can see, from my place at her side, the notch in her nose, which makes it a little crooked. I've always blamed myself for Sera's slightly disrupted features. I can very clearly visualise how it happened to her.

We were young, very, and we were playing by the docks. I was only seven while she couldn't have been older than six. It was just after my seventh birthday, I believe.

She called me "Roo" when we were younger. She didn't really have a reason to stop, although I guess she didn't really have a reason to start, either.

We loved to chase each other around the docks. Her father's boat was a favourite landmark of ours. We used it as a final point for any races we ran. We were fully aware that there were rocks right under the dock, just in front of where Sera's father would tie up his boat. It was why it was "his" spot; he was the only one brave enough to risk gouging a hole in his boat.

One day, that boat was missing. Sera's father had taken it out for a fishing trip. Sera loved to come along with him, but she was at my house and hadn't known that he had set out.

We were once again chasing each other.

"You're too slow, Roo! Can't catch me!" I felt absolute outrage at Sera's statement.

"Nuh-uh! Can too!" I said, using my best counter. It was true, I was unable to catch her. She kept running along the docks.

It had started to rain, and the water made the rotting wood at the far ends of the dock slippery. Sera and I knew how to run without slipping, but it didn't mean we didn't still fall from time to time.

"Ser-uuuhh! Wait up! You're too fast!" I whined at her. She giggled and kept going. I ran faster, trying to catch her. One of my feet lost its grip on the dock. It was the old part of it, after all.

I kept running, though. My balance wasn't thrown too far off.

"I'm gonna get there before you!" Sera teased. We kept running together. Sera never seemed to tire, never seemed to need rest.

I was always envious of her stamina. I noticed the ship missing before Sera did, however.

"Sera! Wait, the boat!" was all I could manage. Sera did spot it, but not before she had already veered off to the side that would throw her onto the jagged rocks below her.

She stopped, but far too late.

"Sera!"

The rocks weren't kind to Sera, seeing as nature will have no mercy on a child. All that remains of Sera's accident to remind me of my failure is a crooked nose and two barely noticeable scars on her forehead and mouth.

I attempt to find these scars with my eyes now. I fail, but I remember exactly what they look like. From her right eyebrow to her hair parting is a pink line just about visible against her vaguely tan, freckled skin. From her chin to her nose is an almost invisible scar that I believe also runs inside her mouth. She was lucky to escape with only those.

Oh, and her speech impediment. She was left unable to properly say things with an audible "w" in them. Sometimes, just so she doesn't have to hurt her mouth trying to say a "w" word, she'll pause and actively avoid it. It makes her sound a little like the six year old she was when she got it.

She can't really say "w" sounds, either. It means she has odd ways of saying words like "out." She tends to avoid words she struggles to say. She doesn't try anything when she gets emotional, though, just letting the words tear up her tongue.

Sera doesn't remember a thing of the day she got hurt. Sera doesn't remember about a week before that, either, but that's understandable, considering she was young. I would find it understandable, however, if Sera wasn't able to recall the week before the one she has no memory of.

Sera, for a while after her injury, had memory problems. To this day, she's more forgetful than I think would be reasonable for a healthy person.

"Rumi? Are you even listening?" Sera's voice snaps me back to the present day.

"No, sorry, I stopped listening to you three years ago," I blurt. I watch Sera make a bizarre medley of facial expressions as she tries to restrain a smile.

She inevitably fails, her eyes creasing up as her beautiful smile shows on her face.

"Fine, Erudite, you're forgiven," she says, defeated. I laugh. I glance around. We've walked farther than I thought while I was lost in my thoughts.

We're now right next to the Justice Building. Sera continues to walk, although she speaks less now. I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing.

Whatever the case, it doesn't matter. We'll both be okay today. Sera's face is paler than normal today. I give her hand a tight, quick squeeze to remind her that I'm still here for her.

She smiles back at me. I can't help but notice that it seems ever so slightly forced.

After a short walk through the housing past the Justice Building, we've come to Sera's family home. As is normal, we do an awkward, flattened shuffle between the fence lines of Sera's home and her neighbour's.

We pop into the space behind the homes. This narrow sliver of dirt is the only path not blocked by trees or barbed wire. Sera's property line has no trees on it, making it the most convenient path.

She's no longer holding my hand. It's childish that that's all it takes to upset me, even if it's only slightly. I don't truly care, but a part of me wants to be that near again. For her skin and mine to be that close.

I push that thought away as I follow just behind Sera. We're quiet as we pass behind houses, not looking to disturb those still sleeping.

The ground slopes upwards. Sera runs quickly up the hill, bouncing off each of her feet so she doesn't slow down. I copy her. We reach the top of the hill, almost completely lined up with the Justice Building.

Sera takes a few steps back, then runs up to the ledge. She springs forward, easily clearing the gap. She trips and loses her balance when she lands. She doesn't quite land on her face, although she gets close.

"Uh-oh, Rumes, the roof is cracked! Better not... uh." Sera cuts off her own joking comment, falling into an uncomfortable silence. She's nervous to the point where she won't even make jokes anymore.

I clear the gap also, joining her on the other side. Sera gives a quietly uncertain laugh, walking over to the edge of the roof and sitting down. She kicks her legs as they hang over the edge.

The silence slowly shifts into peace as I sit down on her right. We don't need to talk, not when we have this view. This view of the docks, the ocean.

The sun. It starts to rise after a while. It strikes the water, letting me see every tiny ripple in the surface I thought was flat as glass. The tide will be coming back in soon. People will start to depart to catch fish.

Well, they would on a normal day. Sera would be one of those people, handling tridents and nets and fish and maps and helms and knots. Sera would come home late, clothes stiff with salt and hands blistered from ropes.

She's been hurt out there more than a few times. Tangled in ropes or cut by her own knife, giving her awful burns or severe lacerations. She once spent a full day recovering in Cod's workspace after being impaled by a swordfish that lodged itself in her shin when she tried to harpoon it.

The swordfish is a favourite story of hers. Her father and Seth can both confirm it as true, and older fishermen can validate that it actually happens.

Regardless of whatever happens to her, however, Sera loves the open water. She's more stable on boats than on land, and such a strong swimmer that it's a wonder she's as uncoordinated as she is.

The sun turns the water almost white as it finds its footing in the sky, growing larger than the sliver of gold it appeared before. I glance over at Sera. It's getting hard for both of us to see the sunrise as it gets brighter, and Sera's eyes are already halfway shut.

"You sure did get up early just to watch me, huh?" I say, breaking the silence. I hadn't considered it before, but as the sun outshines every other star, I can't help but acknowledge that Sera woke up at an unholy hour just to see me practice fighting.

Sera sighs.

"Truth be told, I never really slept," she says, awkwardly scratching the back of her head. "I'm just so scared, the idea of keeping my eyes closed never really..." I lean my head on her shoulder as we watch the ocean.

"Hey, you'll be okay. Your odds of getting drawn are lower than mine," I reassure her.

Sera stops looking out to the horizon, glaring down at the ground far below us instead. She balls her hands up, gripping the edge of the roof so hard I'm convinced the stone will break off in her hands.

"That's w-w-what I'm scared about," she starts, briefly tightly shutting her eyes as she concentrates on saying the letter "w." "I'm not scared for me. I'm scared for you," she says, voice wavering. I'm confused.

Sera doesn't look at me, continuing to attempt to melt the concrete far below us with her eyes.

"Rumes. I need you to promise me you w-w-won't volunteer today," she says quietly. There is an urgency in her voice I don't believe I've ever heard.

"Of course I won't, Sera," I reassure her. Sera looks at me. She's crying, I notice. Her expression doesn't suggest sadness, however. She looks more determined than anything.

The light of the rising sun make her tears nearly glow on her face. The loose strands of her hair are made to look like flaming gold, the sunlight reflecting in her eyes. They shine brighter than ever now, in this moment, wet with tears and defiance.

I am left breathless as I stare at her. The word that floats into my halted thoughts is ethereal. Sera is a goddess given human form. Sera is the only true thing in this gorgeous, shining moment. Nothing is as important as Sera. The sun itself has highlighted her against the skyline.

"No. Promise. I w-w-want you to promise me. Promise me that you w-w-won't volunteer even though you're eighteen," she insists. The crack in her voice reminds me that she is just a girl. I take a deep breath in, remembering that I am human also.

"Okay, Sera. I promise you I won't volunteer," I say gently. Sera nods slightly, looking back out at the horizon again. She starts to chew on her lower lip, nervously biting until it bleeds.

She licks the blood off, looking at me again. She looks like she wants to say something. I place my hand on her leg, reminding her that I'm here.

"I'm really, really scared, Rumes," she finally says, burying her face in her hands. Her voice is tiny. I shuffle closer to her and put my arm around her. I let her cry into my shoulder as the sun finishes coming up.

#the hunger games #snowbird chapter 1 #rumi erudite #sera kaishurr #hunger games fic #oh wow i did it #polished(ish) writing #if this flops you saw nothing #if this flops you never saw it #if this flops i will cry #i gave it serious tags and everything #okay randos here you go enjoy #i got most of the errors but i honestly cant be bothered to comb through it again

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glitchinginhyperfixis · 2 years

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my steve harrington arospec analysis

in s1, we see that steve is clearly attracted to nancy. he likes her. but there is a strong possibility that that attraction is built off of the idea he has of her rather than her true self, and it is also possible that it is not romantic attraction he feels for her, but rather a mix of sexual and platonic attraction. also, the only friends he had at this point in time were tommy and carol, so it would make sense that he wouldn’t realize he wanted to be nancy’s friend (but would instead think that he wanted to be with her romantically). especially if he’s not able to differentiate between those different types of attraction. plus, she’s a girl, and it’s the 80s, so it’s not likely for him to assume that he isn’t attracted to a girl that’s pretty, smart, and basically everything you could ever want in a girlfriend.

in s2, he pines after nancy, but he eventually lets her go and builds other platonic relationships (specifically with dustin and the kids).

in s3, he works with robin. they’re not quite to the best friends stage yet, but they’re on their way there, and they know each other a decent amount. he isn’t attracted to her romantically. he doesn’t even think of the possibility until dustin brings it up, at which point he assumes he must be attracted to her because she’s everything he should want in a girlfriend. it’s the idea of having a partner that he’s attracted to. not the genuine person.

while robin’s coming out obviously steers him in the opposite direction of romantic attraction, it also may be that at that moment, he truly saw all of her. and while he felt platonic attraction, the idea of romantic attraction flew out the window both because she likes girls, and because he does not feel anything romantic for the real her. he had only considered the possibility of anything with her when he didn’t know her. (i’m not sure if there’s a term for this, but to me it seems like the aromantic spectrum equivalent to compulsory heterosexuality. compulsory alloromanticism?)

(during this scene, he also says he’s over nancy, and he is).

steve also wants a wife and children, as shown in s4 when he brings it up to nancy, but it’s clear that he wants a companion to spend his life with. this does not necessarily equate to being romantically involved with someone. it is likely that he thinks this is the only option considering the time the show is set in.

in s4, steve seems to be grasping onto this ideal future. he hadn’t shown any interest in nancy until everything with vecna and the near-apocalypse went down. she is the only person he’s come close to being romantically attracted to. so, he tells her he wants that life with her, because she’s the only person he could picture that life with. even if it’s not what either of them needs, or truly wants. and when jonathan comes back, steve is sad and disappointed, but he doesn’t seem heartbroken. we see him smile at robin and vickie’s interaction. he’s happy for his best friend.

my point is, i think the reason steve was holding onto this idea of his future so strongly was because he’s never felt romantic attraction, and he saw a life with nancy as the only option to get the fulfillment he craves. but he doesn’t need that. he just thinks he does because he feels like he’s the only person who doesn’t have a partner, and steve’s never liked being alone. i think steve also craves attention (pre-s1 and during most of s1, steve participates in whatever shitty things tommy and carol do because he wants to fit in. and we’ve also never seen steve’s parents, so it’s definitely possible that he’s never gotten much attention at home). this serves as a reason for why he is so attached to nancy, since she is the only person that saw past his bitchy s1 personality and had faith in him. he also probably sees romance as the only way to get the open and honest love he never received as a kid. he can be himself with his partner the way he could never be with his so-called friends in s1 (and his parents).

however, at the end of s4, i think he is slowly beginning to piece together that he doesn’t need a romantic relationship, because he already has support in his life from others that don’t like him romantically.

another thing. steve seems to have a lot of confidence in his ability to attract women. he knows he is physically attractive. therefore, i think that for most of the series, he believes that the only way anyone could ever love him—truly love him, is for them to love him for his looks, and for them to love him romantically. but again, we see him develop other relationships in the show that are not romantic in any capacity, which could lead him to question why he places so much importance on romantic relationships when he already has fulfilling platonic ones.

while there’s a strong possibility that he has felt romantic attraction at some point in the show, i personally do not believe he has. like i said, i think he felt a mix of platonic and sexual attraction for nancy, which he convinced himself was romantic attraction (because he liked to kiss her, he liked to hold her hand, and those were romantic things, right?) and i think he felt platonic attraction for robin but tried to make himself feel something more for her because it was expected.

(also, with the knowledge that tommy was attracted to steve and b*lly, meaning he was mostly likely not romantically attracted to carol, we don’t know if steve’s ever had someone tell him what romantic attraction feels like. he sees people kiss and touch and thinks “romantic,” but kissing and touching are not necessarily romantic and neither is sex. if tommy told him what it felt like, steve probably believed him, because to him, tommy was the perfect example of a guy who felt attraction to girls. and since we don’t even know when his parents are around, we have no idea what their relationship is like and how it has affected his view of relationships).

this is evidence that may support the demiromantic theory, but it could also support the idea that he is somewhere else on the aromantic spectrum. i could also see the opposite of this being true (steve having felt romantic attraction and losing it every time he really gets to know someone. i’m pretty sure the label is frayromantic).

#not tagging this as anything bc my followers have already seen my insanity #also i didn’t rewatch stranger things so feel free to correct me if i got something wrong #this has been in my notes for weeks #my analysis #theory #if this flops you never saw it #arospec steve harrington #demiromantic steve harrington #frayromantic steve harrington #might put it in the steve tag if i get the courage #fuck it #steve harrington

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