#if we even get a number 4

[inkskinned]

it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.

yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.

it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.

how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.

chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?

how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.

"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.

i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.

#writeblr #warm up #i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books #(just started book 4) #and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!! #(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. ) #anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild #but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild??? #so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning #and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go #anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct #i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers #i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page. #here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once #it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because #when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area. #i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that #a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN #who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends #i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!

[shukruut]

🤑

#YALL IT FINALLY HAPPENED #someone tried to pay for my services with sponsorship??? JSHDJSJ #girl was like hi we want 4 chibis and a logo for our social media #and i was like ok your total is $$$ but we can negotiate it :) #and she was like oh we usually work via collaboration and we have a total of 250k followers on insta #collaboration my ass social media numbers wont pay my bills nor my vet bills #and one of them had like idk 50k something followers on insta but had... very varying engagement? #like on average posts had like 300 likes #and thats what i usually get for star wars fanart on my insta w 5k followers #anyway influencers should go fuck themselves 🤩 #and actually pay for the shit they want 🤩🤩🤩 girl i dont even know you! JWHSJWH #anyway thats the gossip besties enjoy the bits and pieces of my daily life #not art

[hollyhomburg]

Where do you shop for your clothes? Are there any particular brands you look out for?

OH SO- this is kinda gonna be a frustrating answer.

i shop almost exclusively at this re-sale/second chance/excess store that puts together the unsold clothing from places like free-people and anthropology and the indy brands that they carry. It's INCREDIBLY local to my stretch of the woods- it's called retail 101 in naugatuck connecticut. i got a 350$ dress new with tags for 30$ and that was the most expensive clothing item listed in the store. it's definitely worthwhile to make the drive. it's about an hour for me, at least two if you're in nyc.

shopping there helps me feel better about getting clothes- because they're generally a lot bit better quality than like h and m or primark (which is what i can reasonably afford). it's also not directly supporting like- all those big businesses and keeps unsold clothes out of the landfill ect. It's helped me get some very very nice clothing for very cheap. it's a very overstimulating experience because it's basically just a football field sized warehouse filled with clothing.

i greatly recommend it if you're overly small or overly large because their greatest selection is in the Xs and Xl range like- I think i saw a size 14 jeans that were originally 400$ on sale for 14$ so- if you're more middle sized it definitely requires some hunting.

but tbh i also hit up the target clearance section for most of my jeans because they have really reasonable sales. i got my favorite pair of ripped jeans there for 6.50$. Target just for some reason happens to fit me pretty reliably- which is honestly rare because i have a 28 inch waist but a 40 inch booty.

#i love clothes and shopping because when i was a kid i never got new or nice things. #like we were a one new pair of shoes a year household #and i got like maybe 4 outfits at a time because that was all we could afford #and even then they were holey and didn't fit me right. #I give myself a budget cuz i know i spend too much on clothing generally #but it's very healing for me to express myself that way #because when i was growing up and until i was in college really- expressing myself that way wasn't really an option. #not to mention the other aspect of my life and needing to be able to run in whatever i was wearing #this is not new holly lore but old holly lore but yeah #being stalked really does do a number on you #its funny because as a result i sort of hate sneakers now like #this is just a me issue but i had to wear sneakers for safety every day #littterally every day #just incase my stalker was following me wherever i was and i needed to run #he hasn't chased me like that since like- the first week of the pandemic so <3 #healing is still happening and i don't wear sneakers anymore #wouldn't be caught dead in em' #not that i haven't tried to get back into liking them and wearing them because some of them are comfortable

[humandisastersquad]

while im very much supportive of the anti work movement and in favour of reducing the amount of hours people are required to work to earn a living,,, sooo much of the rhetoric seems to centre around 9-5 office type jobs where productivity is measured by tasks completed etc like every single 4 day work week experiment i've seen has been smth along those lines and bangs on about how workers are more productive in their output and do "5 days worth of work in 4" etc or aim for majority remote work when like. that isn't possible in most service jobs like healthcare etc. even tho service industries are some of the worst when it comes overworking and burnout

#like im not saying there *isn't* talk about or action on improving work in service industries #but it seems to be an afterthought compared to aforementioned output-based office type jobs #even tho reduced hours and number of shifts are Absolutely needed in service jobs #but it's a lot more difficult to implement due to the nature of the jobs and the current massive amounts of shortages in these areas #like im approaching this from someone who works in healthcare where there are barely enough people to cover day shifts let alone night shif #and yeah a big part of that shortage is bc of the overworking that's led to burnout and many people quitting #and companies/governments being stingy and hiring the absolute bare minimum staff to operate at #so implementing changes like say 6 hour shifts and 4 day work weeks would require them to hire a tonne more people #(as they shouldve in the first place) #but even then they probably wont get even close to getting enough to cover even just current work practices adequately #let alone improved conditions with shorter and reduced number of shifts per person #while also maintaining pay at a liveable amount #tl;dr it's a shittonne more complicated than most 4 day work week office experiments have shown and we need to talk about it more

[togansweep]

well.

#these aren't even necessarily my favourites of the soundtrack #sometimes I have it on in the background and in moments like that I don't want to get emotionally wrecked by langsam we gave it a go #or andante espressivo number one boy #or needy love sponges #basically the entirety of the season 4 soundtrack #anyway. nicholas britell please see this as your sign to release the soundtrack on vinyl please please please I'm begging you #spotify wrapped

[twilightarcade]

OC-tober day 1 - fave oc

Evie!! The one and only :) absolute freak. I don't quite have an ultimate favorite? But I suppose it would have to be xem at the moment..

#notwordswordstag #I think.. yeah #sorry besties #xyr pretty cool dontchathink #erm!! oc tober is probably getting posted over here just for the sake of consistency #don't think we're gonna have a set posting time. We ball #i might end up doing some heartwitchtober if i somehow aquire mass amounts of time.. or perhaps just do it next month #don't tell anyone though. doing an october prompt list in not october is CHEATING!!!!!!!!!!!! #man do we tag this..... what if i bury them far enough down that it doesn't get indexed #that said; i don't particularly care for counting but that's probably enough? I forget the exact number. #Should be 10 or so. If it's more. Well. Should have remembered idiot. #bweirdOCtober #oc-tober #improperly used semi colons... darn #maybe ill just start using stars and hearts ☆ they're pretty silly. That wasn't even a spot for a comma. #man should I. Reintroduce them every time. Hm. #if you DO find this and wish to know more don't be afraid to shoot me an ask or something! I can even answer privately if you'd like #don't tell anyone but i am this 🤏 woah that emoji sucks. I am this -> 🃏 #i am this close to breaking the world rules i set 4 myself. Just once.. #I finished day 6 aren't you excited for day 6 guys

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak #who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad #and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur #research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a #bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way #i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit #i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like #i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt #wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide #stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the #predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing #i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh. #i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just #send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel #ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart #ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run #this body into the ground. like the good old days. #unrelated

[andi-o-geyser]

just another day wasting away in margaritaville trying to figure out how the actual fuck the Grand Army of the Republic is organized. send assistance i am shaking sobbing crying in a corner

#no like. does anybody understand it please help me #i get how it’s divided #i even made an entire flow chart #but it’s the numbering i’m confused with cause none of it makes any fucking SENSE #and i don’t know know if i just don’t know how military battalions are numbered but this makes less than 0 sense even if i did know #because like. ok so for example: the 327th star corps is in the 2nd systems army. but how is that possible? why are they called the 327th? #because there are 10 systems armies; each with 2 sector armies; each with 4 corps #and if i know math (which i occasionally do) that means there are 80 corps in the entire GAR (4 for each of the 20 sector armies) #so then HOW #is there a corps in the 300s #and that’s not even the worst example #okay so we all know the 212th? our most beloved attack battalion of gold babes? #they’re in the 3rd systems army which means they should have the 5th and 6th sector armies (1st system army has 1+2 2nd systems has 3+4 etc #but then they have the 7th sky corps. and if there are 8 corps per systems army and they’re in the THIRD systems army #how do they have the 7th corps? and how are they only the 212th battalion? cause there’s 512 battalions in the first systems army ALONE! #so either it’s straight up wrong and their battalion number should be more like 1212 (in the thousands!) #or each sector/sustems army has their own numbering of battalionsthat goes from 1-512; and same for their corps? #so it would be like ‘we’re the 404th battalion of the 6th corps of the 4th systems army’? #but then that still contradicts the existence of actual corps like the 91st mobile recon corps and the 41st elite corps! #so are there two different systems of numbering it? do corps and legions and battalions all number and name their divisions differently? #i wrote so much i ran out of tags but serious am i just dumb or am i right and none of this makes sense #i spent literally 2 hours getting distracted by this conundrum today #after spending 4 hours last night understanding how the army is divided cause i was curious about what the numbering meant #LITTLE DID I KNOW I MEANT NEXT TO FUCKING NOTHING #this is what happens when i get bored smh #if anybody understands military structure and im legit just missing something PLEASE tell me i am so curious #star wars #the clone wars #andis thought geyser

[spicyicymeloncat]

Btw shout out to s13 for giving wu character development like that, it did him good

#i wish we got to see the events afterwards bc I kinda wanna see wu kick butt #like his problem is that we always see him girlfailing like all the fucking time #pilots he jumps into the underworld to lose to sans undertale #s1 he has to go find his brother bc he managed to lose lloyd in like 1 day #also he gets eaten bc that’s what his weed told him to do #s2 he’s fine. he doesn’t do much I think?? he simps for his brother’s wife which is weird tho #s3 he’s on self sacrifice number 3 and gets hacked like a computer #s4 he is just not there for most of it #s5 he is girlfailing and just watching the consequences of his mistakes rob his dad’s grave #s6 he’s like the first one to die in a horror movie #s7 he is tormented by visions of him girlfailing and goes on his self sacrifice number 4 Jesus Christ wu this is actually concerning #that’s where the ninja get it from #s8 he baby and he’s girlbossing so much better than he has ever done and will ever do #s9 he girlbosses through his childhood and into adolescence good for him #s10 does he even do anything I genuinely forgot? #s11 man done fucked up again and he feels bad abt it for like the whole season #s12 he gets fucking damselled like L L L #s13 man has to character develop bc he girlfailed too much #the Island guess who needs saving. at least he wasn’t alone #Seabound he’s got a minor role again but he gets to hang out with Ray in this one and I’m happy for him #(haven’t finished crystalised but he says fuck the police and that is so girlboss of him actually 🤩) #got carried away in the tags oops #btw this is not wu hate I love him #he’s a girlfail and that’s okay #ninjago #Ninjago wu

[bibleofficial]

leaving the hospital in the morning & i finally get to go back to wales & i can’t wait i rly can’t - the belgians i’ve met have been wonderful [for the most part] but the rape has me panicking even seeing the roads and the buildings

#diary #literally everyone else was wonderful except for the HOTEL EMPLOYEES THAT REFUSED TO HELP ME FIND MY WAY BACK TO THE HOSTEL & THE GUY THAT #DENIED HAVING A PHONE TO SHOW ME A MAP AFTER THE RAPE #shoutout to school children love yall so much they’re so polite & also the amazing older DJ that was talking to us at the irish pub prior to #us going back to the hostel & me leaving w the tall friendly man - i’ve his number & i told him i was going to text him bc he was going to #host an underground rave at an abbey but couldn’t make it bc i’ve been in the hospital since monday #i’ll come back to ghent sometime - i just need to. get over the trauma lol #i still have his number ! he rolled a j w me - he’s such a saint #i’m just a chatter i love talking to people despite being introverted #i wouldn’t go OUT OF MY WAY TO SPEAK but if they come up to ME i’m WELL OPEN #which he did he’s so sweet & also the old homosexuals i was smoking w & gave me info on the drug culture here bc i was curious & also the #tall belgian that took me to those few bars & we chatted abt belgium and how ghent is changing #i wish i were able to actually continue w the rest of our group for the site visit but honestly it #it just wasn’t going to happen #i can’t even go back to the hostel without shaking and panicking #my darlings kp & omar know everything & everything is ok i love them so much - the group we are w have all been wonderful bar like the 4 #that made their own clique but they’re all boring anyway so they can fuck off lol #THE OTHER 9 ….. STAN #well 7 bc omar & kp i alrdy stan & they know #i’m just telling everyone it was an assault and robbery bc everyone knows something is up bc i walked into the hostel at 9a & nobody knew #where i was bc my phone was dead & i couldn’t tell anyone & also i was probably drugged honestly #i don’t even know my guess is rohypnol #god fuck that guy fuck that guy so much oh my god i swear if i see him again …. bro ur not living im not afraid of european prison in the #fuckin slightest i don’t give a shit

[bunnyb34r]

Well glad to know I'm not the only one not feeling the Christmas season this year. Mom isnt either

Now we dont know why, but here are my guesses. Feel free to place your bets.

Is it:

Bc our aunt/great-aunt died and essentially dissolved the family

|_> Bc of this we've faced so much bullshit from the surviving family we have left.

Bc the only remaining family we have are major assholes aside from like 4 people.

Long covid?

Work stress/ working under a tyrant piece of shit.

Bc I'm an adult now so the *magic* is gone?

All of the above??

#marquilla #we still havent made cookies and are like i want the cookies but i dont want to make the cookies... #so we agreed we can do it after christmas if need be #i really think it's all of that combined. like my g-aunt dying really tore this family apart. we weren't like close close before but i mean #everyone started taking sides (the executors (my mom) vs my cousins. like listen you motherfuckers she left you [insert number bc i also #got this amount and am not disclosing]. you little freaks need to get over the fact that she loved me as much as if not more than you. #maybe bc i wasn't a fucking entitled brat and was always a polite well behaved child (for her) and didnt take my mommy/daddy issues out on #her. you already got: 2 free cars. 3 fully paid for weddings. 4 college degrees (one that you're not even using bc you havent worked since #college bc you became a tradwife. (not dissing stay at home moms im dissing her making college a BIG DEAL for her and then just #essentially saying haha thanks for the 100k in tuition but no ❤). COUNTLESS hours and money poured #into your lives from her and our g-uncle. amongst the 4 of you. (only 1 is not a brat but thats bc they pretend she doesnt exist bc shes #annoying and autistic so a drain on them they were ever so happy to dump on their dad) #you aren't entitled to any of that. that was a GIFT. your inheritance was well thought out. it is an insult for you to suggest otherwise #anyway so theyre being whiny brats and oh boo hoo you exects are SO MEAN to poor Ally who didnt sign the fucking will and thus held up #$50k FROM A CHURCH. and my uncle (not their dad. their moms brother) is taking their side. his wife is a massive piece of shit ab it too. #dont know whose side dog cousin is on bc shes close to my mom but very close to them. and i know lesbian cousin is on moms side to some #degree. and idgaf what Murderer cousin thinks bc that bitch can and will rot in hell. #so anyway any one we could possibly spend time with this season is either dead or hates us. or lives states away and won't be in til after #and only for a day anyway. and we just dont have the fucking energy to deal with anything

[majorplayer]

i moved to a new place 3 months ago and the best internet here is so bad (17mbps....without vpn enabled) that i can't reliably play MMOs, at least not ones like toontown servers since they fully kick you off the game the literal millisecond your connection gets funky in any way. i can actually play most roblox games as long as i'm ok with a lot of textures never loading and me rubberbanding a lot, but toontown is so triggerhappy about kicking you off that i just can't play it without fear of being reported for "maliciously alt+f4ing" or something. or worse, DCing with pace at 100 health. so i haven't fucking played clash in these 3 months. i gave it as long as i could to see if i could adjust to this shit ass internet but i have been so upset that i can't play clash that i'm about to get fucking starlink. like. clash is honest to god my #1 motivation for it. i want elon musk to sudoku as much as anyone else on this website but by god would starlink save my life. a couple of my neighbors have it and they get 100mbps. omfg. i can't even fathom what 50mbps would be like, much less 100. i had 200mbps at my childhood home that i just moved out of. life could be a dream. anyways so basically i'm spending almost my entire next paycheck on starlink because i want to play clash again without getting banned for constantly disconnecting

#sorry i needed to get this out somewhere because i have stoically kept quiet about my situation for the most part #i do log into clash every once in a while just to exist for a moment but i can't Do anything #lol when i first understood the internet situation i logged into clash and took note of how many friends my main has since i knew #i wouldn't be able to play anymore. the number has only gone down by 1 so shoutout to the real ones lmao. anyways #i'm just gonna have to live with the guilt of starlink. like honestly? i hate jeff bezos too but you HAVE to use amazon where i live now #like i'm sorry but the nearest grocery store is a 3-4 hour round trip away. ANY shopping is genuinely a Whole Day type of thing here #i wouldn't even go into town regularly Period if i didn't have prescriptions to pick up monthly at the pharmacy #out here you go cold foods shopping once a month and everything else you order online. and amazon actually delivers out here somehow #and you only go cold foods shopping if you don't want to pay for the only online service known to deliver cold foods and frozen meat here #i am honest to cog shocked that we even have one single ordinary internet service out here period. it's DSL but still #and 17mbps is faster than i would expect from it for how goddamn remote this place is #it has done the best it can for me but i need better. and unfortunately the only “better” is starlink #original

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did #bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried #another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one #machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem #god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8 #and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration #ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a #personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up #bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like #yayyy vacation soon ☺️ #ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine #ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought #my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home #god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great #i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc #thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days #and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst #move. bc again. im barely a functional person #god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive #down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno #unrelated