#if you die in grad school you die in real life

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Neil.

I know you are flooded with asks and this somehow became extremely long. Too long. “Why am I suddenly telling this poor man my life story?” too long. “I think I’d rather he work on the GO3 script than read this wild beast” too long. “He’s going to think you’re criminally dangerously insane” too long. If you never get to it, I’m good with never seeing a response from you. Maybe it’s better that way? Maybe an anon would have been nice here. But, it’s 2024, so I say “we ball.” It’s a privilege to be able to send this to you at all. You get a lot to this effect and I hope they give you good feels, so maybe what’s the harm, yeah? Because this is not an ask. This is a thank you letter.

First, thanks for reblogging my therapist post, I hope it amused you. I nearly sent you “How am i supposed to explain this to my therapist?!” But refrained. At that time.

So, therapy. What is therapy really? Well…

Things have been really rotten for as long as I can remember. Bad health, bad doctors, bad relationships, bad coping mechanisms, bad all kinds of things. (Yeah, bad is a weak and unhelpful word, my therapist reminds me, but we’re doing this.)

Well, things got even more really really rotten and BAD these last few years. Health declined further, coping mechanisms declined further and more intensely, packed up my life, applied for disability, moved back in with my parents across the country.

Then 4 years ago last week I watched my fiance die of a sudden heart attack. I was 29. Two years later my best friend died. Then last summer I sauntered vaguely into a cancer scare. Not long before an operation my cat who has been my companion through so much garbage died as well. I’m not entirely in the clear on the cancer scare front. All my attempts at going back to work, volunteering, going to grad school - they collapsed on me because I couldn’t get through this STUFF.

(Sometimes when I talk about this, when I tell people, I think “they are going to think you are a raging pathological liar.” Because I’m not sure I would believe someone if they told me all of this happened to them. In such a short time period. All before they were 35. And hell if that hasn’t been isolating. You know how it sounds? Lonely. And it is.)

I did the hypervigilant and sensation/experience chasing stage of PTSD. It got me in a lot of trouble in all kinds of ways. I had to do a lot of medical and psych advocating because things kept getting worse. That was exhausting. Then that peaked. I went into the thick of the “I feel absolutely nothing” stage for a long time. I didn’t feel fatigue or hunger or thirst. Not people, feelings, a reason. Not hope.

But of course, like seems be for a lot of us, I somehow found Good Omens at just the right time. I was a very “I’m so cool and intellectual I mostly consume non-fiction media” person for too long. Like, what? How is that even a real thing? And it wasn’t real. It was just part of this curated autism mask that I don’t think anyone really bought anyway.

I think I got to a point where I’d just had too much reality. I needed fantasy. I didn’t realize I always needed it. But I denied myself for too many odd and painful reasons. Maybe I thought it was an escape I didn’t deserve.

But as it turns out, it wasn’t an escape. I watched both seasons last fall, and then this light came on. I watched it again and again.

I came to tumblr because I needed more. I found this fandom. I stepped into this beautiful world of fanart and fanfiction and brain flexing meta writing and a sense of community and wonder that you and Terry created - that everyone involved in the show inflated - exploded in the right way - like fireworks if fireworks were some kind of autocatalytic reaction - a self perpetuating force.

It’s not a “saved my life” feeling. Not a “getting my life back” feeling. It’s been a “maybe it’s time for you to have the life you’ve always been denied - that you’ve denied yourself” feeling.

I’m creating. I’m not “great” yet. Not terribly “good” at all. Maybe “behind” as far as the “proper” timeline for starting. I know there isn’t one, not really, but boy does that society machine make ya feel like there is. And sure, I started and stopped a lot in the past. But the second it got hard I always gave up. I felt like if I didn’t get it “right” to begin with, then I just didn’t have it in me at all. But for once I’m really in it. I’m writing and trying to draw things that look less like fever dream five year old drawings. (Not that there’s anything wrong with those, is there? 🙃) I’m eating better. I’m sleeping better. I reach out to old friends more. I’ve made new friends who share this love of Good Omens.

My therapist has been floored by the change in me. After that first funny mini flop, he has been so encouraging about it. I saw him this week and I said “Maybe this is helping me get prepared to start living again. Maybe it’s a springboard.” And he honest to god said “But You ARE living. This is YOU LIVING. Why does it have to be a springboard? Why do you have to turn this into ‘work?’ Just let yourself have this for once in your life.”

But there were two more added elements that made it all work. And I can’t help but think this whole brainrot thing wouldn’t have happened without them. So many things just happened all at just the right time - a proper coincidence.

In all of the madness of the last few years I finally got the memo that I'm autistic. i figured I was for a while. But it finally sunk in for me and my docs and my people. So I’d been working on unpacking that. Grieving the life that could have been entirely different, shedding the mask. I let myself hyperfixate openly instead of hiding it and hating myself for “spiralling” or “obsessing” like others -!like ‘I’ always punished myself for before we knew that it was a trait and not a personality flaw.

Then over the last few months my therapist and I started trying this new exercise. One session he stopped me and said “in the last 20 minutes you have responded to what I’ve said with 9 ‘I knows.’” My response to that? “Ugh, I know.” So we started this “I know” swear jar type situation. Really, I’ve been afraid of not knowing. I couldn’t let myself “not know.” Because it meant I was “dumb.” I was just drowning for so long in guilt and self loathing for the “I knew better and screwed up anyway.” Or “I should’ve known better - I should know that by now.”

As it turns out, there’s a lot of things I don’t know. That I didn’t know. Things I will never know. And refusing to admit all of that kept me from learning a damn thing. Kept me from asking questions. Kept me from trying new things because it was scary to do something new - something unknown - and I "knew" how it would all turn out anyway. Kept me from connecting with people because it was painful or embarrassing when they knew things I didn’t and it seemed like I already should have. Kept me from getting better at making art, music, writing. Kept me from forgiving myself. Kept me from growing. And kept me from moving forward. Maybe not on. I don’t know if we ever “move on” from things. But we can move forward as we carry them. And as we do, the weight gets less. We’re able to carry it better. But only if we can admit that we don’t know how. Only if we don’t treat ourselves like this is something we do know or should know and we’re just failing because we’re less than. Not good enough. Not strong enough. Not deserving. We have to be able to say “I don’t know how to do this.” And then we can start looking for the answers. We can ask. We can learn.

I thought about the apple. Being able to tell the difference between good and evil. Aziraphale’s years and years of watching what he “knows” to be true be proven wrong. Crowley’s need to ask questions…

The simple and enormous gift of “Knowledge.” The “Knowledge” of the difference between Good and Evil. The “Knowledge” that can only be gained by realizing, accepting, admitting that there are things we don’t know. Asking the questions. Sometimes we get answers we don’t like. Sometimes the consequences of asking hurt us. And unless you want to stay in that painful place that painful knowledge got you, well, you’ve got to let yourself learn how to get out.

So all of this good? I never expected this. I never thought I deserved it. Joy and belonging and this sense that “Yeah, maybe things can get better. Maybe things can be good.” Because I said those things, not truly believing them, to the people I thought needed to hear it. But it couldn’t save them. It was hollow. The proof for us wasn’t really in our orbit or on our radar at the time. And now they’re gone.

People always say “it’s never too late.”

One of the people I lost said “it’s later than you think.”

I jokingly would respond “it’s already too late.”

It was for him in the end. For them. For some people I guess it really is. But maybe a lot of the “too late” people are there because they think “they know” that things will never be good for them. So they stop looking, they stop asking, stop finding. And eventually they just stop.

Then there came Crowley’s “It’s always too late.” The first time I heard it I thought “For sure, Crowley-cakes, I KNOW.”

But then…I just needed to rewatch the whole thing. And lines like that…familiar things…familiar themes…I was suddenly identifying with these characters. I suddenly saw myself. And the realization hit - I connected with something! Something new. And I FELT THAT. And that tiny little crack that made in the wall was just enough to start breaking it down. Yeah, when you start letting yourself feel after not feeling for so long, opening up to the good feelings means opening up to feelings and then the bad ones come out too. But when there IS good … it helps you balance. You can deal with the bad a little better because you’ve got the good thing to lean against when it gets too much. And now you’ve got feelings. You’ve got good and bad. You’ve got sticky foggy grey. You’ve got life.

Whew.

So, TLDR, thank you. From the bottom of my slowly healing heart, thank you.

And to sign off with some shits and giggles… I couldn’t find this in existence as a sticker so I had to custom order. Perhaps this will spread misery and panic among the humans of my city - or at least a malignant and creepy sense of unease.

Or maybe they’ll say “wtf” and go home and google it and they’ll fall into the Good Omens hole they never knew they needed too.

Thank you for this. I never quite know what to say to messages like this apart from I am really glad that it helps. (It becomes the weird extra piece that I worry about when writing season 3 -- hoping that it will be that thing again. Not just a story, but something that helps people feel and helps with healing and helps with love.)

[salmonskinrolltf]

Story Index

Original Stories

Anniversary Present Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 - a squabbling gay couple fall under the thrall of a time-traveling watch Ben Gay Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 - frat boys in a snowed-in cabin discover a mysterious ointment that makes any body part irresistibly ache for the touch of male flesh The Breeder Curse Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 - gay men are cursed to become were-straights Don't Read This! - a Tumblr curse turns a straight man into the last celebrity saved on his phone The Grind - While working from home, Todd finds himself drawn to the sounds of the skaters in the alley Grindr Roulette - A gay couple selects random Tribes for their profiles on Grindr to create a transformative hookup Happy Hour - A preppy couple celebrating their anniversary is annoyed by the partying frat bros at the bar Indian and in Love - Kyle becomes the perfect partner for his stoner friend Jack's New Roommate Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 - Jack's slobby roommate is improved upon Like a Light Switch - Charlie Puth becomes more like the slobby, lazy straight man he should be Nerdflix Phase 1 | Phase 2 | Phase 3 - an athlete and his nerdy roommate swap lifestyles Shower Scene - Scream 2022's Wes Hicks is offered an unusual way to escape Ghostface Soulmates - Two boyfriends try to make each other perfect, one by changing the past and one by changing the future Soulmates 2 - Two roommates use the same method to try and make each other perfect Third - a couple has a threesome for their tenth anniversary, but which two of the three is the real couple?

Original Shorts

The Comments Section - a young man has a hairy experience on OnlyFans Heat Conservation - a magic beanie changes a young man's life Roll the Die Shorts - readers requested transformations and rolled the die. Roll a 6? Get exactly what you want. Roll a 1? Get the opposite. Everything in between? Well, we'll see.

Office DILF | Athletic Cuban | Couch Potato | Hairy Beanpole | Future Daddy | Tom Holland | David Ayer | More Size | Simu Liu | Korean Star | College Wrestler | Playboy | Indian Construction Worker | Needy Bear | Surfer | Himbo Bad Boy | Massive | College Nerd | Wrong Target | Swagger

Be Kind Rewind Shorts - New Roll the Die stories where readers get pulled into a movie/TV universe of their choice

Glee | Wolverine

Commissioned Stories

The American Way - a gay Frenchman becomes a conservative American El Bailarin - a gay ballet dancer discovers a passion for Latin dance and machismo Con-fidence - an office worker wishes to be more intimidating and gets exactly what he asks for Joining the Team Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 - an athletic training student ends up with baseball skills (and a fetish for facial hair) Light a Candle - a young man who fantasizes about swapping with a middle-aged daddy should be careful what he wishes for Magic Mustache Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 - a high school graduate buys a fake mustache to look older before college, and it might work too well Sir - an alpha jock applying for a job gets an unexpected offer that he can't refuse Under Construction - a smart college grad can't get a job at a tech company, but the construction department might have an opening Walk a Mile - a xenophobic Russian gets what's coming to him

[spiderh0rse]

freeman's mind notes part two, e6-e10.5. under cut, long. formatting is different this time. will carry on in this way.

e6

"safety's off" sir. Sir you've just said it was a Glock. You fool. You absolute buffoon.

"clip" IT IS A MAGAZINE

I cannot respect a man who watches Die Hard this much. I just can't.

love how he reacts to the houndeye teleporting in. Flat "No."

mimics houndeye noise :>

heard Gman movin around on the catwalk above

electricity doesn't do a ton to him this first go around but does hurt and seems to paralyze him for a moment. Muscles seizing and all that

rescinds his disdain for everyone who died. Admits it's a bit difficult to live under the circumstances

"white men in armoured hazmat suits can't jump" SIR

[underwater mumbling] sounds pretty damn frantic. Genuine fear of dying by his own hand. I'd wager he thinks he's the only one that could do it.

bounces back quickly!

just goes and shoves some words together. For fun!

dislikes the ammo being covered in blood. Considers leaving it behind because if that

impacts still hurt. High impact reactive armour this is Not

e7

simian instincts strike again

has seen star trek

"maybe i should've been a bug" well I can study you like one. How's that sound

Kafka's Metamorphosis mention! It's Gregor Samsa that actually turns into a bug though, so. May not have read it.

knows who Shiva is! Not sure of her origin but she does show up in ff7, which is within his range to know about

bullsquid acid tastes like dead caterpillar

yog'sothoth :>

held his mouth open in the canal. Dude.

mouth cancer...

hates puns.

Black Mesa gets money from the dept. of defense

slur count one

is this hl source? Do the crates sway in the ported version?

correctly figures out the useless crate pit room

hates elevator music

e8

audio inconsistent :(

bug murder D: I love bugs.

shouting and breaking stuff in grad school did not help him

says grody. Like a loser.

threatens a man's life again. Doesn't seem to mean it.

calms down easily enough by breakin things

wants to blow up the building. He won't know it but it will be. Your will be honored, sir

came home to a guy impaled on his window's insulated glass. Explained that to the police.

"kind of like glass in a way" fragile and lacking a smell? got it

"GYAHH" high pitched scream!

has been hit by many tasers over dates.

pepper spray is worse.

first instance of sonic damage (gun in air vent)

some guy named Jessie would electrocute himself on his bed and end up paralyzed for an hour for fun. Sounds fun tbh

Steve Irwin... Rest in peace and let's kill all sting rays now

does ask a cowering scientist if he's okay

somehow doesn't see the shotgun in plain sight waiting for him

doesn't always know when he's thinking out loud

e9

peppered steak just like OFF

visibly contemplates shooting a regular bug

actively admits he was considering cannibalism. I can get behind that. Cannibalism win.

"pew!!"

roleplays as a teacher who hits kids with crowbars

wants to be a medieval knight so bad

no vent sharks for us! fan blades instead

afraid of muppets

has whistled Twice now

has seen Jurassic Park.

wishes he could shoot electricity through his hands

has probably seen James Bond

already theorizing about Xens makeup

more bothered by a barnacles death coating him in blood and potentially jamming his gun than being choked

shot in the ear :>

whistles in time with the turret. Echolalia real

doesn't want to look gay. Too late. Even if we assume base Freeman model he does have a ponytail.

slur count two.

HEADCRAB SLAUGHTER PARTY

sounds like he likes coffee and doughnuts

e10

starts off with silly noises and repeating the word "coffee" on loop

Chainsaw noise with his mouth

jason vorhees wannabe

would love to spread bloodborne diseases via hug

has a collection that a human skull would fit right in with. Bones in general? Skulls in general? Human skulls? Doesn't matter, Eddie mention! As of him getting more skulls in cheap.

wants his funeral to be full of explosives and planes

he is not a gerbil.

feels he's only sure of his actions when killing things

watches Jackie Chan movies

and the Addams Family!

gman sighting.

thinks the guy diving through the window is cool. compares him to his own grandfather? neat!

unlike stark can do a pull-up in his suit

cannot break the vending machine glass. has change on him, though. Dorito time.

#freeman's mind #gordon freemind #freemanverse #? #yeah alright #mindverse #rmanotes

[junebugwriter]

I'm really struggling a lot today, and a great deal of it is internalized fatphobia.

I've talked on here before that I'm a fat trans woman. Self-acceptance is hard enough when you are trans, but it's even harder for trans fat people I find. All of the media, all of the people I see on social media, all the comics, and all the images of trans people get pushed by the algorithms to revolve around the image of the "waifish twink to trans girl" pipeline. That is about as far from my experience as possible. Add on top of that the primacy of young trans women, people who have known forever that they are trans, and it leaves someone like me feeling completely inadequate.

I've never been thin, or even average weight. The last time I was less than 200 pounds was probably in middle school. I've been fat since I was little, and even when I make the effort to eat right, work out consistently, and make good choices, the lowest I've ever weighed was... 235 pounds. That was my healthiest, when I was 21. I never stopped trying to eat right, never stopped working out for years after. Still, I got fatter and gained weight. Thyroid problems were the real source of it all, sadly. My body's metabolism doesn't work right. I was the most religiously dedicated person at grad school in terms of going to the gym. I was there every day, doing cardio, and lifting weights. It never stopped my weight gain.

Currently, I am over 300 pounds. I'm going to the gym again. I'm trying to eat healthier. I realize that going by weight is not exactly the healthiest way to focus one's attention. I try to self-correct constantly and say that I'd really just rather not die of a heart attack at age 40, and that's the reason I'm exercising.

But God, what I wouldn't give to just be under 300 pounds again.

When every image I see of trans folks is young, skinny, borderline unhealthily thin bodies, it's hard not to take being an old, fat trans woman as a personal failing.

I wish I didn't feel this way. I wish I could say that I'm better than that, that it's stupid to obsess about my image, but at the same time that's the whole problem. That's why I'm transitioning: I want to look more like how I feel on the inside. But what if that's never going to happen for me, realistically?

I also wish that we could broaden the image of what it means to be a trans woman. I wish it was okay to be fat and trans. I wish people wouldn't get so hung up on size and allow people to just be. I wish we found fat people appealing. I wish norms would expand to allow people of any gender or size to simply exist without constant criticism and comparison. Being a fat, disabled trans woman who's older than 35 is a nightmare of "not fitting into the right categories."

I'm grateful for the supportive people in my life. I wish I was as accepting of myself as others were of me.

#blog #rant #personal #fat #fatphobia #trans #transgender #lgbtqia+

[kathryn-writes]

A storyteller

When I was young, my father used to tell me to find a profession where I couldn't wait to get out of bed in the morning to get to. That passion was more important than comfort and contentment.

I went through school a "gifted kid", and excelled in science and math. So when I went to college, I stayed the course, in my case, studying astrophysics.

Then I went to grad school and got a Ph.D. in astrophysics. Then I got a postdoctoral position in astrophysics. Then I hit the proverbial jackpot, I landed one of those lauded permanent jobs in astrophysics.

For a long time, science could get me out of bed in the morning, channeling that passion. I loved thinking about the stars and galaxies and black holes, loved mentoring my students and watching them develop that passion, loved pushing the edges on the mysteries of the universe. It was passion.

So why was I so exhausted all the time?

Because with science, and with astrophysics, comes a life in academia. Our passions are squeezed for every last drop of what we have to give until we are a shell of our former selves, wondering why we are laying in bed in the morning staring at the ceiling and dreading getting up.

It took me a long time to understand why.

Because my passion for science was not about the stars (though they're cool) and was definitely not about academia (gosh the tales I could tell you of the types of people you have to tolerate there...), but about storytelling.

At its core, that's all science is. It's sitting around your campfire trying to make sense of the world around you. It's imagination applied to the real world, looking for the thing that "just fits."

When I was that same kid, the one my dad told to follow her passion, I would run around for hours and hours with my friends, playing at pretend adventures where we got to be the heroines saving princes, where we were pioneers riding horses through the wild west, when we were superheroes or Jedi using the Force.

But everyone tells a scientifically gifted kid that there is no money in creative writing. One does not make a living storytelling. And so I followed my path to the inevitable conclusion, never stopping to consider that I was a storyteller all along.

I don't want to watch the storyteller die in the grind of academia. Even if that means giving up the "dream job" that leaves me crying and daydreaming about resigning at least once a week.

Even if I am about to tread the impractical path, the path that will assuredly shred my income severely and close off the dream of astrophysics for the rest of my life.

Because I want to tell stories, and I have wanted to tell stories since I was a child on a playground.

I am a storyteller.

#storyteller #kathryn confessionals #from astrophysicist to creative writer #but always a storyteller

[the-everqueen]

“Rose and the Corinthian are both people who need care, in different but complimentary ways, and i think that's part of what fascinates me about pairing them.”

I would say this ask is more of a “Thoughts on Corirose” one, based on your excellent quote/response here from LA Guard Dog part 1 👀

i do not remember saying this, which is funny to me because looking back at my comment replies on that fic, i was clearly burned out from final year of grad school. i'm way more loquacious now that my brain isn't running on fumes and spite. but i DO remember how much i appreciated each comment; those ao3 notifications in my inbox were little sparks of delight amid rejection emails and, later, a wave of onboarding paperwork.

anyways i stand by past me's words. i feel like fandom downplays how much Rose has lost: she's a young adult from a broken home, her mom died and left her with limited material resources to start her own life, she met Unity and then almost immediately lost her, she got her brother back but only after he's been through hell, and now she's his only living guardian. she's never really had a childhood. so it makes sense, to me, that deep down she'd really want to be cared for. she had to be The Responsible One with Lyta, with Jed, with the Endless. when is someone going to watch out for her? and yeah, the implication at the end of s1 is that she has this whole found family who are invested in her, but caring about someone is different from caring for them. also accepting care from people you feel have already given you a lot can be difficult when you're used to being self-sufficient and circumstances have taught you that the only person you can really trust to stick around is yourself. i skip ahead to post-comix in LA guard dog, but even with some distance from the events of the Doll's House arc, she's still a mid-20s woman in a parental role for a traumatized preteen. that's a lot for someone who isn't also a daughter of the Endless and the only remaining adult of her human bloodline.

enter the Corinthian. he's useful for Rose in a few ways: he can't die, he can shoulder some of the responsibilities involved with raising a kid (at very least the stuff that takes minimal skill but maximum brain space, like school schedules and chores and packing lunch). also he's an utter hedonist, which is great for getting Rose acclimated to the idea of having things she likes rather than just what she needs. look, he wanted a fancy coffee so he got her this fancy floral pastry. extrapolating from the comix (including the dreaming run, but i'm cherry picking there), he's very much a person who shows feeling through action, even when that's at direct contradiction with his words. and that's great for Rose, who i imagine has had a lot of people say nice things to her and then utterly fail to show up for her in the ways that matter.

i'm talking about him like he's a tool, which admittedly is how Dream still conceptualizes him to some degree in this au. but he's aware this time around that's not what the Corinthian needs, hence giving him to Rose. i don't know that Rose can think of the Corinthian as an object, based on her experiences and who she is as a person. Rose imagines possibilities that Morpheus could not. so her idea of care for a Nightmare looks different, too, and the crux of the LA guard fic pt. 2 is the question "is that enough?" idk! but i think it matters to the Corinthian. there's a moment in the dreaming comix, during Coco's Year As A Real Boy, where he muses that his bf Sila has become more than a distraction to him--i think someone seeing the Corinthian as a person, beyond his function as a mirror (aka what he can do for/to them), is the realization of a story he's been telling himself for a long time. about him and the Dreaming, about him and Dream.

tl;dr: Coco and Rose are both people who have been positioned as non-subjects in their respective worlds and that means they're both weirdly able to affirm each other's subjectivity.

#ask games #violetoftheendless #sandman #cocorose #rose walker/the corinthian #SO many thoughts on ''thingness'' in relation to my fave sandman characters and how they grapple for agency

[blackgirlsuperherorants]

Thoughts about Wakanda Forever

Okay, now that the first weekend is over here are my spoilery thoughts. It's still tagged, but if you didn't watch opening weekend...

First of all, this movie is so... rich. Like, the world is so much deeper, not just because they introduced stuff like the Midnight Angels, but also because it feels so much more lived in. The entire world feels full.

I am really excited to see the Midnight Angels get a big screen introduction, and also REALLY didn't expect them to get one even though I knew Aneka was in this movie. Like, I REALLY didn't think Marvel would just actually introduce them like that. But I'm also torn, because I really wanted more Ayo and Aneka. And the head kiss just feels... empty? Like, you could assume they were just sisters or besties or something. I know Ayo called her "my love", but I wanted more. And IDK how I feel about it being Okoye and Aneka instead of Ayo and Aneka. I love Okoye, though, and she can do anything she wants to do.

That last battle, though! The Midnight Angels, Shuri's Black Panther, Ironheart all fighting Namor and Talokan!?!?! I said it before but it feels like this movie was written especially for me. When I was still in college, and later in grad school, these were characters I was reading in comics, and writing in fics (except the Midnight Angels, never wrote a fic with them), but kind of never expected to see them on the big screen. So, that moment was surreal in the way the 3 Spider-Mans was, for me. I was literally holding back screams in the theater!

This was for the comics fans, for sure. If you like these characters in the comics, this was pure fanservice.

On the grief. It was clear that phase 4 became the phase about grief, about moving on, about missing those who we love. And that makes perfect sense, in universe, because in many ways, the MCU and the fans lost so much in phase 3. It's a shame that we lost Chadwick in real life, but I feel like the phase would have taken this direction, either way. In the movies, we'd lost so much, too. And Coogler was saying how BP2 was going to be about grief, in its own way, even if Chadwick had never passed.

We all lost so much in real life, too. My father passed away this year. It's still very surreal and it still hurts and I can't... be without him.

In that sense, I felt Shuri so much in this movie. Losing someone so suddenly, so absolutely, and there being very little you can do about it. I watched my father go to the hospital thinking he had pneumonia, and die 40 days later from lung cancer. The pain Shuri was experiencing on screen, I experienced just this summer. It was surreal to watch, and also cathartic. She and I went through very many of the same emotions. Everything just feels like it doesn't fucking matter anymore. And I'm very angry. Very angry. All the time. I apologize for how it sometimes comes out, especially on here, but just know that I get Shuri's desire to burn the world.

Ramonda's death shocked me. I also may have numbed myself to it. My mom is all I have left, too, so I made Ramonda's death a story element, and tried to take it as nothing more than that. Outside of my own emotions, here's what I think about that death:

I feel like it was unnecessary. I know they wanted to give Shuri motivation to go after Namor. I also feel like they wanted to give her a reason to want to become the Black Panther, after she expressed no desire to bring back the herb. But I feel like attacking Wakanda was enough. Even bringing Ramonda to the brink of death would have been enough. She didn't even see her in the ancestral plane, so it wasn't necessary. It was just fridging, and frankly it was a copy of what they did with T'Chaka, which was T'Challa's motivation in Civil War.

I do like the choice to show her Killmonger instead of Ramonda or T'Chaka, though. In a perfect world, she could have seen T'Challa... Anyway, Killmonger was a good call out for her and also a great representation for how she was feeling. She felt the same pain that Erik felt when he came to Wakanda for the first time.

Going back a bit, I also love how RUTHLESS Ramonda is. I mean, maybe that's not the right word? But she is not taking any shit. She is not returning any shit. She will not sit by and have any shit.

People were criticizing her for sending Nakia and calling Namor, saying that it was a calculated move so that they could attack. Eh... it was more like a calculated move so that Nakia could get Shuri and Riri out without having to fight Talokan's strongest protector. The girl who got killed was an unfortunate casualty, but that was not planned. The girl was ABOUT TO KILL SHURI and there was no choice but to shoot her first. Also, I still maintain that Namor taking Shuri/threatening to hold her hostage was an act of war. I know she went willingly, but he was saying he would not let her leave... directly TO the queen. I looked it up just to make sure I wasn't wild, and yes, it's against the Geneva Convention . Which I'm well aware that Talokan is not privy to, but in any fantasy fiction with royalty, kidnapping a princess is an act of war. (Also, the girl wasn't literally Namor's child. He calls all of them "my child." Just like Okoye isn't Ramonda's daughter, though she calls her "mother" sometimes. Also, he called Namora "my child" too and she's his cousin.)

Namor, Namora, Attuma, all well done. I like these versions of these characters (I guess we don't get to know Attuma well, but he's a shit talker AND he's extremely noble, and I like that about him.)

Attuma giving his breathing apparatus to Shuri was so good, to me. It shows that the Talokanil are not bad guys. They aren't heartless. They are just trying to protect their own people. It was an act of humanity in a tense moment.

This! Namor! IS! SO! GOOD! I like him. I like that they didn't just make him a villain and forget any of the nuances that make Namor such an interesting character. When he killed the people in the helicopter as they tried to flee the ship attack, omg! I loved that. It perfectly illustrated his take no prisoners, leave no witnesses approach, and his utter disdain for the surface world. I also loved his introduction to Ramonda and Shuri. He sees Talokan in Wakanda. They are extremely similar and made similar choices to protect their people from the world. There's a reason he comes to Wakanda for allyship, and it's not just the shared interest in protecting vibranium/the shared importance it has to their cultures. It's because he assumes that they know all too well how dangerous countries like the US and France and the UK et al are. They both saw people like them enslaved, beaten, murdered, raped all for land and resources. They both did whatever it took to keep their prosperity a secret for those reasons.

OMG OMG Y'ALL. NAMOR IS OFFICIALLY THE FIRST NAMED MUTANT IN THE MCU. I mean, there have been a few other references and that little Easter egg in Ms. Marvel, but this is the first time a character said "I am a mutant."! NAMOR IS THE FIRST MUTANT! Just like he should be!

More thoughts under the jump.

Ross stuff was interesting, but got lost in all of the storytelling. Except as a great way to set up VAL as a big fucking problem in the future! I like Ross, though, and I want him to continue!

Okay, so... it looks like Shuri isn't taking the throne, maybe M'Baku is, but... is anyone else worried? Val mentioned taking down Wakanda through destabilization. Transitions of power are a really destabilizing time, and in the past decade, Wakanda has lost 3 monarchs. I feel like this could be a big problem coming up. I have confidence that Wakanda cam motherfucking SOLVE IT, but this is... a potential problem for the future.

MCU really don't like confirming ages unless the character is a teen bc it becomes more important, but they REALLY need to clarify Shuri's age. I think she's very easily like 23, based on the timeline we've been given post blip, but also, people keep saying she's "a teenager." I really don't think so? Like, even Peter Parker was 18 the last time we saw him, and I think that was still supposed to be the 2023/2024 school year, and he would have graduated that year. And Shuri is a bit older than him. IDK. It really felt like they were playing her older. The overprotectiveness was less because she's young and more because she is Ramonda's only living child and technically the heir to the throne. Ramonda both cannot stand to lose her and cannot afford to lose her only heir. (This movie definitely ends in 2025 or 2026, there's been too many "one year laters" and stuff, and it's post-blip.)

I like 19yo Riri instead of minor Riri. It's not a huge deal, but it gives you more room to play with that character. Although I'd love for this to be like... her senior year of college so she can still have been a prodigy that was in college early.

LITTLE T'CHALLA!!!!!! That was soo sweet, I was crying so much!

IDK if I have other thoughts. Everyone stan. I guess the last thing I wanna say is... I hope everyone doesn't hate Namor. That shipping fiasco really fucked me up. ISTG I don't even ship the shit that much, I was just feeling the very Disney prince/princess "let me show you my world" thing. It was also giving the guy from The Woman King who came to Benin and was gonna run off with main girl. That's what I meant by "oh, he was feeling her" and that it was fun to ship. The whole bit in the first half was very much giving "I can show you the world! Shining, shimmering, splendid! Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?" I very much think it was on purpose, and the moment where he kills her mother was meant to feel even worse BECAUSE they wanted you to think this was a potential romance. It's also why Namor says "This could have been different" at the end. When has ANY character ever said that NOT about romance? The reason why nobody shipped T'Challa with Zemo is because there were no such moments between them, and there was nothing to ship, really. Although usually someone ships any pairing you can think of, so there's probably some T'Challa/Zemo shit.

I really don't wanna be thought of as a shipper. From a story perspective, I 100% think this was intentional. Nobody would write something like that and not intend for you to read it as courting. He thought he could court her and entice her to his side. I saw a take that he was doing that on purpose to make her like him and coax her to agree to burn the world with him, and that, I can agree with. That's also really good storytelling. He probably thought "If I woo the princess, I win Wakanda's support." In a different type of royal fiction, he'd probably have asked for her hand in marriage for the same reason. Like I was saying the other day, you CANNOT have a kingdom that is lollipops and rainbows. 100% of them are shady and problematic, inherently violent and practice cruelty. Including Wakanda. And as benevolent as Namor seems, there's no way he's been king for nearly 500 years without being absolutely manipulative, cold, and calculating. Also, I'd argue that if Shuri was a white princess, all of y'all would have read this as him courting her, either genuinely, for allyship, or both. There's this idea that to protect black girls we gotta infantilize them AND we gotta desexualize them, but in some ways, that gets a little weird, too. Even if you don't "ship it", I don't know how it's hard to see that he was courting her. ESPECIALLY when you consider that for a long time, marriage was MAINLY used for alliances instead of love.

Shuri isn't interested in dating anyone, I think. I think she's still too hurt. Even Riri, who I think she really likes, isn't catching her eye that way. And I honestly think that's best, right now. Shuri needs time to heal and to figure herself out. But I love the Shuri x Riri dynamic, and I hope we get more of them together. I think they had Riri a little toooo... scared, shocked, audience stand-in character in some moments. But I loved her complete admiration for Shuri and I need more of it!

Chile but I didn't like the Ironheart suit in this one! I'm sure we'll get the sleeker suit in her series next year. And I hope we get some pink in the suit. This Riri doesn't seem like she'd be into it, I feel like she's not clamoring for a pink suit, but I love the pink elements in the comics suit.

Okay that's the real end. Stan Wakanda Forever. Watch multiple times if you can!

#black panther #Wakanda forever #black panther: wakanda forever #spoilers #wakanda forever spoilers #black panther spoilers #shuri #shuri and nem #queen ramonda #okoye #namor #riri williams #text #movie thoughts #rip chadwick boseman #heavy spoilers

[softsky-daily]

3/9/2024

On Miku Day I think it's very fitting to watch the sky deepen into blue as time passed.

Positive thing: Conversation Table went well again today, and I got good food.

It was nice to be away from grad school stuff and focus on something entirely different, and everyone seems to appreciate it which is cool too. At the same time it makes me sharply aware that my schedule is packed to the brim in a way that theirs isn't. I show my various checklists and my calendar to friends who aren't from my classes and I see them physically balk. I always wonder if my time management is just off, and it probably is to some extent - but what was I supposed to sacrifice? Even more of my limited rest time? Needing to eat? I remember emailing my professor for help for something one time and she said if I was having trouble I should've emailed earlier. But how was I supposed to know I needed help before I realized I needed help?

I was also surprised by another thing recently. That there were people who never experienced depression for long periods of time, who never experienced keen anxiety, who never thought seriously about wanting to die. I guess surprise isn't the right word. I know logically people like that exist, and technically, statistically are the majority. But I couldn't comprehend a life like that. Not that I don't think those people don't have struggles or genuine hardships of their own, but being mentally ill really shifts how you have to approach things in life or take care of yourself. It takes an enormous amount of effort during times like these where I'm stressed to find the worth in continuing. I can't fathom what ease there must be for people who never have to contend with those kinds of feelings.

Well. I suppose it's not really an ease. It must hit a lot harder when you're going through a difficult time and to you it's genuinely the worst thing that's ever happened. I've seen friends distressed over things I experience often and feel numbed to. I never think what they feel should be minimized because obviously the enormity of those feelings, regardless of the reason they come up, are very real. It's just different.

But anyway. I'm just going through it. Today wasn't bad by any means aside from the mental health issues. Dinner was good - we went to the Chinese place nearby and the lady gave us these rice cakes that were delicious, and the other food was good as usual too.

My dad also sent us more groceries (rather, he bought them and I picked them up at Sam's), so I should hopefully be set for a while food-wise. It was hard to not have a lot of easy-to-make meals like frozen food available since I have very little energy and time to cook most days. But now there's lots of frozen fried rice and other things.

I'm skipping going to the beach with my friends to sleep and honestly that's probably the better option. I have lots of homework to do too but I'll take it one project at a time, so I only need to finish one of them by tomorrow, and then I can focus on the others more next week. But yeah time to sleep. Byeee

#skyposting #thoughtposting #foodposting

[corbincarroll]

Hi! I see you talk about your current reads and I wondered if you'd be willing to recs some favs? Sports romances maybe?

yes of course!! i looove sports romances and also recommending books so here’s some recent faves 🫶

⭐️ = my special faves

📚 = ones i haven’t read but have heard good things

hockey

⭐️ iced out - college hockey romance, two players who hated each other growing up end up at the same college and whoops they won after hooking up at a party, guess they have to keep up the superstition so they keep winning

power plays & straight a’s (cu #1) - college hockey romance, brother’s best friend where the hockey player is trying to earn an nhl contract at the end of the season while captaining the team to a championship, while his twin brother asks him to look out for his awkward best friend who just moved to his college for grad school

face offs & cheap shots (cu #2) - college hockey romance, two teammates who have never seen eye to eye are up against each other for the captaincy, they do a bunch of stupid competitions and become closer

⭐️ goal lines & first times (cu #3) - college hockey romance, with hidden identities, the hockey player is coming to terms with his sexuality using a dating app, and the other guy is the twin brother from the first book who doesn’t like hockey, sick of being compared to his hockey player twin with ace/demi rep

⭐️ line mates & study dates (cu #4) - college hockey romance, where the hockey player is struggling to help his older brother raise their younger siblings after their parents die, and therefore, he needs tutoring to keep his grades up and conveniently the coach’s son is very smart and is also the equipment manager for the team, and they shouldn’t do anything for a variety of reasons, but a reward system for good grades seems to work

puck drills & quick thrills (cu #5) - college hockey adjacent romance, the hockey player hating professor meets the assistant hockey coach who is raising his younger siblings (see previous book) after giving up his nhl contract, they fake date for a high school reunion, obviously they must fall in love

📚 consider me (playing for keeps #1) - pro hockey romance (vancouver), he’s a playboy, she doesn’t want to get hurt

📚 play with me (playing for keeps #2) - pro hockey romance (vancouver), best friend (and captain’s) little sister who really likes sex toys (?)

powerless (chesnut springs #3) - pro hockey romance (vancouver), childhood infatuation on her part turned pining on both their parts like 18 years later, she’s about to marry someone else but that falls apart so he rescues her and then his bff goes missing overseas and now he needs the rescuing. also, he’d a goalie!

⭐️ isn’t it bromantic (bromance book club #3) - pro hockey (nashville) childhood besties to marriage of convenience, he wants to use what he learns from romance novels to convince her to give their relationship a real shot, she’s running from the past

📚 mile high (windy city #1) - pro hockey (chicago), he’s the resident pest on the team, she’s the flight attendant on the team plane with both a personal and professional rule against hooking up with athletes and they do not get along

⭐️ season’s change (trade season #1) - pro hockey (dc), veteran hockey player wants to start fresh on his new team and gets a rookie roommate who is dedicated to his craft, and they continue to get closer even though neither of them can afford a distraction

⭐️ contract season (trade season #2) - pro hockey (nashville), the hockey player just broke up with his boyfriend because he doesn’t want to come out, the country artist performer at a wedding he attends catches his eye and they sleep together before he ghosts him, unfortunately they get outed, and must fake a relationship to deal with the press

too much man (firebirds #1) - pro hockey adjacent, he’s just retired and is looking to leave town soon, while she owns a queer friendly coffee shop and has no time for a personal life, friends with benefits is obviously the only solution

📚 hat trick hearts (thunderclap #1) - pro hockey (tampa bay), an mmfm grouping, they all had a history together in college but are reunited now on tampa bay’s team, she’s digging for inspiration for her newest romance novel and wondering how they could all fit back together

📚 game changer series

📚 puckboys series

baseball

📚 don’t you dare - college baseball romance, after they’re dared to kiss at a party these besties can’t stop crossing lines they never thought they would cross

bromance book club (bromance book club #1) - pro baseball (nashville) their marriage is in trouble, and it turns out she’s been faking it in bed for years, and when she asks for a divorce he turns to an unlikely source for help: a book club of men use romance novels to help their relationships.

basketball

📚 the right move (windy city #2) - pro basketball (chicago), best friend’s sister turned roommates turned fake dating with a side of a horrible ex bf and a petty team gm

football

fair catch (red zone rivals #1) - brother’s best friend turned roommates at school, where they’re both on the football team, he’s a kick returner and she’s the kicker, there’s a lot of trouble in their past but the close proximity is blurring all the lines

📚 the rest of the red zone rivals

📚 playbooks series

#asks #anonymous #anyway these are what i could think of off the top of my head #im sure there’s more #also if anyone wants nonsports romances i’ve got so many recs

[eomayas]

best friend • kms

pairing: minseok x gn reader, platonic lovers, best friend au

synopsis: a brief look into a 20 year friendship with kim minseok

genre: fluff

a/n: the thought of being a life long friend of minseoks sounds so warm and sweet.. so i had to write this rq!!

since you were 13, you and minseok became inseparable. back when you both were at an awkward stage in life: bad haircuts, ill fitting clothes, glasses. you two bonded one day at lunch over your tomagatchi that you’d been keeping alive for twenty days. he had a tomagatchi that he’d been taking care of for far longer, and saw the look of desperation on your face as your digital pet started to die.

what started out as a friendship built on taking care of fake pets blossomed into a real connection. it was fast forming, and one of your realest friendships to date. he was there through all of your embarrassing and monumental moments: your first kiss, your first heartbreak, bad hair days, bad moods. and you were there for him, evolving together.

you talked about your dreams together, during conversations where time doesn’t exist and you can’t tell if you’re really tired, or if it’s just late. he wanted to be a singer and dancer, to be on a stage. he was talented from the get-go, and you told him so. you supported him, because at that age everything seemed possible.

and it was possible. when he became a trainee, it was like you became a trainee. you didn’t have much money at the time, but you took him out to celebrate, just the two of you. you raved, telling him how he could be as big as shinee one day, maybe even bigger. you could imagine him up on stage in front of thousands, millions, singing the songs he wrote.

but you could see the doubt creeping into his face, his features going slack. “minnie, what’s wrong?” you had asked, waving a hand in front of his face.

he never beat around the bush with you, always told you what was on his mind because he could be truthful and honest with you. “what if i don’t make it, though?” he asked you, and that same fear he felt was transported into you. you never considered that—it wasn’t an option for you. you only saw snd heard success when he told you he had been picked up by an agency. “what if it’s for nothing?”

but it was for something, because he debuted four years later. four years, where you didn’t get to see him, and it quickly turned into six. by the time you were out of undergrad, and starting grad school, you were finally able to see him again. you had to tell yourself that he was just on a long vacation, and that one day he’d come home to you again and everything would be the same.

and it was, but it also wasn’t. he was a star now, an idol. he was in the public eye, being watched by everybody. he was older too, but his face stayed the same; the boyish smile he wore never fading. and when you finally saw him again though, it was like you were 18 again and he had just got the news that he was debuting. you couldn’t have been happier; you were 24 when you finally saw him again, but it was like time had barely passed between the two of you.

while you couldn’t see him due to his trainee days, you wrote him letters that you didn’t send each week. and when you saw him for the first time, you gave them to him. to your surprise (or not), he had done the same thing. that’s how well you two knew each other. even with years and time between you, you still managed to he in sync.

of course, you couldn’t read every single letter that day, so you two caught up verbally and in between conversations you were able to read.

by then, you were back like he had never left you, meeting all of his band members and hanging out like old times. of course, he wanted to keep you away from the camera and public, so you arrived places separately and left alone, but it was better than nothing if you wanted to go out to eat or go shopping. your traditions that you had as children persisted when he came over, movies and video games, and horrible food choices.

because of minseok, you were exposed to another form of life, to luxuries you could only imagine. but he had stayed the same boy youd met all those years ago, still teasing you over your crush on minho from shinee, even after he introduced you after his companies concert. you could barely look the man in his eyes, and minseok let it be known that you once had poster of hanging up in your room growing up.

on the topic of lovers, minseoks opinion always mattered to you. while he was away and you were in college, you didn’t have his opinion to rely on, and you’d never say it out loud, but you wonder if that’s maybe why you didn’t last with your previous partners. minseok always have good advice and had a good sense of judgment that you feel would have helped you when you were younger.

you had made an unwritten rule that your next partner had to be approved by minseok, and had to be okay with your friendship. it turned a lot of people off, seeing how close you and minseok were. people accused you of cheating, that there was always something more going on between you and him. it’s safe to say that you’re friendship was threatening to the people you were romantically involved with, but you weren’t giving up your relationship with minseok for anybody or anything. you knew you’d find somebody who could understand.

and you did, with your partner hyunjin. from the moment you met them, you ran back to gush to minseok like you were fourteen gushing over a crush you had in class. minseok knew right away that you’d probably found your life partner, and wasn’t shocked when the proposal came a year later. minseok was there for the engagement, wedding, and your children. they called him uncle minseok, and hyunjin looked at minseok like a brother.

the love you had for minseok was unmatched, and you don’t think it could be replicated. you loved him like you’ve loved nobody before, like a brother and then some. your relationship was built on trust and raw honesty, on commitment and on loyalty. if you were asked if you’d give your life for him, you’d say yes in a heartbeat.

#exo imagines #exo scenarios #exo x reader #exo x you #xiumin x reader #xiumin fluff #xiumin x you #exo fluff #minseok fan fiction

[sharkieboi]

i keep having to like fight for my life at the pharmacy to get prescriptions filled and I had a call with my T doctor that was supposed to be a few weeks follow up about switching to T gel, but I haven’t yet gotten the fucking gel because insurance sent it back for prior authorization and this guy is too fucking overbooked to remember to do that and/or this hospital just fucking sucks at communicating between doctors and the pharmacy.

so we had our call to check in and im desperately just like can you do the prior authorization so I can actually start this med like fucking PLEASE I’m so tired!! and he responded “are you okay you sound pretty distressed” and I was clenching my fists to try and respond cause YES. I AM DISTRESSED. I keep having to call and fight for every medicine I need to function as a basic human being and be the person I want to be! I’m so dysphoric right now I want to die but my hands shake like a fucking vibrator every time I try and stab myself so I need to switch my method of T to something not a needle! and I’m constantly fighting for my life to get my adhd meds filled and not to be a meth-head but i legit don’t know how I functioned for 27 fucking years and made it through GRAD SCHOOL without meds cause my brain is so much clearer and I function so much better when I can actually get my thoughts in order and focus for real.

so yeah!! I’m in distress!!! I want my brain to work and I want my body to look and function how I need it to!! and this doctor’s blasé attitude to not being able to get my prescriptions filled is going to be the death of me!!!

#shhh sharkie #LIKE SPECIFICALLY THAT ITS THE PRESCRIPTION IS WAITING ON HIM!!!!!!!!!! #YEAH IM IN DISTRESS CAUSE IVE BEEN CALLING YOUR OFFICE AND THE PHARMACY FOR TWO WEEKS NOW #AND ITS FULLY DEPENDENT ON YOU MY GUY #FILL OUT THE FORMS SO FUCKING HELP ME GOD JESUS FUCKING CHRIST #YEAH IM IN DISTRESS. I JUST WANT MY BRAIN TO WORK AND MY BODY TO COOPOERATE WITH WHAT I WANT IT TO LOOK LIKE #i just. also being on T is a legit mood stabilizer for me. #and I know part of being off it is my own fault cause i do technically have all the prescription! I just can’t with needles right now. #and weekly is hard for me to remember. daily is easy. i take plenty of other daily meds. #I think I do need to switch to a different doctor in this practice cause this is what happens every single fucking time #is he gives me a prescription and then I have to message him way later on cause it never fucking filled cause he forgot to do something #actually will maybe check the patient portal and see if i can request someone else lmao. but like really. yeah this sucks i want to be done.

[fourth-quartet]

For the BTS Writing Ask: 🖋️❤️😭⁉️

what inspired you to write your WIPs?

Going down a list:

The Idol AU was in part inspired by Jinyoung's actual idol background, but also a question of: what would happen if Yohan had been forced to put someone identical to his brother on trial? Would they still have found their way to each other again? Now with the sequel, we've moved onto the question of: if given no other choice, would Yohan use his father's connections to carry out a plan?

The Vincenzo soulmate AU: what do you do if you die when your soulmate dies, and your soulmate is your arch nemesis?

Most of the Critical Role stuff comes from shooting the shit and hanging out with @crying-cryptids. I like getting the "you're killing me" text/comment every time I come up with something. :D

what are your favorite scenes from your WIPs?

Oooooh okay. So. I haven't written it yet BUT. In the idol AU, I have a scene planned where Yohan gifts something huge to Gaon. It is part of his plot and Gaon sees right through him but makes the choice to accept the gift and not comment on it further.

And then. In the bigger Critical Role fic I'm working on, I have this moment in the eighth arc where Caleb has essentially become the leader of the Tombtakers and he grows close with Cree and Jurrell while he's stuck at Soltryce for a while. His friendship with Jurrell ends up being a major thread and I've been planning scenes in my head for their friendship for a while.

what are the biggest challenges writing your WIPs?

Real life. I'm disabled, I'm in grad school, I have chronic migraines and general chronic pain, and sometimes it's impossible to push past the pain and general brain fog to write. Those days suck. :(

what do you do when stuck on a scene?

Okay okay okay welcome to the Took method of getting unstuck.

Step One. Change the font. Not the font of the whole document. Just the last sentence. You're now writing in a new font. Fuck with the font. Make it funky. Make it different. If that doesn't work ->

Step Two. Change how you're writing. Are you on Google Docs? Try writing on Scrivener or Word or Ohwrite or Penzu or right into AO3. The change in scenery might kickstart your brain. If that doesn't work ->

Step Three. Troubleshoot. Why do you feel stuck on the scene? Did you write yourself into a corner? Did you write something and then decide you don't like it BUT it also still makes logistic sense to do that? Welcome to the trash document. On the trash document, post the last few paragraphs. Now write them again. Chances are, you'll find it easier to get the juices flowing now that you've gotten rid of what is likely bothering you. If that doesn't work ->

Step Four. Take a break. Write something else. Write nothing at all. Take a walk. Your brain might just need a break from the project in question.

And there you have Took's Four Ways of Getting Unstuck.

#took answers #moot tag #fic stuffs #sass tag

[peaky-shelby]

Ugh I told you I apologize for the novels in response to your chapters….but I’m not sorry at all lmao. ILYSM!! (Sorry I’m so late to the party…grad school kicked my ass this week so I’m just getting reading) Here we go!

Starting tense with her slipping away without a word. I say tense, not negatively. how you described it as if the moment was made of glass and the slightest sound would break it. It’s painful and beautiful. Girl the fucking way you write Neymar absolutely destroys me. AND THIS IS GOING BACK TO DEFINE ME NEY OKAY. (He holds a special place in my heart) I just…this guy is like a kicked puppy

 He nodded “JW gonna write about this, hm?” he poked her nose. His eyes half open. She took hold of his hand.“JW won’t be writing about anything for a while.” “I missed the penalty.” She shook her head “is that why you’re like this?” 

What the fuck bro. I know its a Kylian story and I love it, but ney…my poor ney...he needs something good in his life here okay. 

Okay back to business. I love how Kylian is taking care of Taylor while she’s taking care of ney. And shout out ney to figuring them out with no help. Like that just goes to show how fucking observant he is, which also speaks to the relationship he has with the two of them. Even while drunk off his ass. smart boy lol.

Alright this is now just becoming an “I love ney and all I want to do is hug this kid to make him feel better” rant. This also just makes me feel so happy about how far their relationship has come since ney found out Taylor was JW. How painfully hurt he was back then, and now he’s throwing it back in her face without any malice towards her. Their friendship is so much stronger and I love how Taylor knows exactly what conversation she needs to have with him. And TAYLOR SAME GIRL PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW WHAT HES THINKING SO IT DOESN’T MAKE IT REAL LMAO. GIRL SAME. 

Back with Taylor and Kylian. I just….AH the chemistry they have is intoxicating to read. I’m fucking weak over it. Small spaces, especially airplane bathrooms, the TENSION. I love that they’ve gone from genuine arguing and frustration to straight up just flirting and being cute. “She grinned, slapping his hand off her ass. Her shoulder bumped on his as she finally walked passed him. Proud of herself for his reaction. He bit on his tongue, twisting it in between his lips.” SO FUCKING CUTE. I have no words for when he sits down next to her. Like going from heated, to making me squeal from cuteness as they hold hands underneath the blanket. It's just so sweet I want to cry because they’re so good for each other.

Him pleading with Taylor to come to him when she’s freaking out about the meeting with Galtier has me in a puddle. Taylor is a better woman than i am because how the fuck did she not fold immediately when he’s practically begging her to come to him…AND THEN THE MAN HAS THE AUDACITY TO ACTUALLY SHOW UP WITH FUCKING CAT FOOD?! the whole following sequence is just perfect. So romantic, and hot, and I just wanna die. I MEAN “Hoped she could stay down this rabbit hole with him for the rest of her life.” AND THEN GET SLAPPED WITH “She never minded being on her own but this… this felt nice too.” BRUUUUUHHHHHH. I love that they see each other in the morning, it just makes it so real to me and I’m obsessed with them. Their morning is so domestic and her giving him her keys. R.I.P. me. 

GO TAYLOR FOR GETTING THE FULL TIME POSITION. I’m so proud of her she so deserves it with everything she’s been through. I love that there’s finally the post sex talk and it’s absolutely adorable. Her finally opening up and you can see her walls crumbling because of how annoying persistent Kylian is. Her finally admitting how scared she is of the entire situation is so fucking relatable. 

YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO ABSOLUTELY KILL ME WITH A SINGLE GOD DAMN SENTENCE. THAT LAST LINE. WHAT THE FUCK OWW. Cannot wait to ch 11 k ilysm byyeeee 😘

NEVER APOLOGIZE

Texts like this the reason i write and i love you so much for taking the time there is no greater gift. I've reread this 5 times because oh my god i love it 😭 i can't wait to hear your thoughts on ch11.

Also define me ney and this ney are basically the same and I've thought of Gabriella doing a cameo multiple times but I'm scared people will be confused ughh😭

#newromanticsfic

[chucktaylorupset]

High Scholomance-ical

CAST: Orion! He’s a hunter, he’s a hero, We all cheer and never fear, o! This year’s death count's down to zero— Well, almost

(BEAT)

IBRAHIM: He got us close!

CAST: Orion! The defender of the weak, He patrols and never sleeps, And for him the monsters weep

Instead of us. They turn to dust!

They explode, they expire, Go up a smoking funeral pyre Lake, the School is not so dire When you defend. We can depend

At point of sword and shield He makes every monster yield And he does it all so well He knows oh so many spells

Turned to stone, turn to swill, Stuffed up swallowed in a pill Evil’s final fearful trill, Killed with talent, will, and skill

And he never stops to rest We all love him, he’s the best, He’s a godsend, he’s a dream, We all want him on our team--

MAGNUS: But New York’s his social scene. And so those powers? Oh, well, they’re ours.

You be jealous, be impressed, Be oh so very envious, Man, Orion Lake's the best

But one of us. So don’t you fuss.

Ours, and never dare forget, He's of our, and has us, set, Poachers forcibly made regret,

He’s ours to lend. And that will end.

At lethal senior graduation Orion Express leaves its station First class ticket, Summer vacation,

It has a price. So best make nice.

CAST (quieter, at first): Orion! Right now he does it for no fee, But nothing's free or guaranteed, And the odds are one in three.

So we work hard, Stay on our guard.

Want your parents? That’s too bad Think of home when you’re a grad Or have dad and mom real sad

Leave them to cry. The day you die.

When Graduation day descends, Gates flung wide and far open, All the monsters come to rend

And tear, and kill. Your odds are nill.

Alone smarts, wealth, and drive, For survival barely qualify To leave the Schoolomance alive

You need a team. To even dream.

When come senior year's dread end Grads need allies not mere friends Get out, first you need an in, Want through the door? Then you need more.

Alliance and life has steepest costs, You have less than, that's your loss, And Enclavers are the boss

Their hoarded stuff? Still not enough,

Until then it’s constant work, And Enclave kids will flirt and smirk Still no rich kid can afford to shirk,

You plan ahead. Or end up dead.

Whatever you can, you take One mistake makes funeral wake, If not for great Orion Lake,

He gives and gives. So we might live.

Center of our universe, Our one blessing in this curse,

EL: And I tell you, he’s the worst.

(CAST GASPS)

Saved me two times, never asked, Eleven more, and then I’ll gasp. Whole school’s worship in which he basks,

I’ve just this to say 

ORION: Get out the way! (ORION BREAKS DOWN THE DOOR TO KILL THE MALEFICARIA IN EL’S ROOM)

Er, Gal? Are you okay?

EL: Right, so sorry, if I may? Oh my prince, oh my martyr, Oh my knight-in-shining-armor Oh Orion, such a charmer So afraid I’d come to harm, for Me, El damsel in distress Oh this awful mounting mess Could do-in and make ruin Of my nonexistent dress Oh my hero, I confess! It’s not Gal, it’s El, it’s Galadriel, And not a single one “princess,” See your Gal-ing well it’s galling, Vomit in my mouth appalling, Now there’s door or well, the hole in

My wall that I really must now patch, So that when you leave it hits your ass, Arsed if I’m to smile, giggle, laugh, Cwtch you, kiss up, no thanks, I’ll pass.

ORION: El, you saw Luisa last.

#my post #the scholomance #a deadly education #galadriel el higgins #orion lake

[lavandula-studying]

Studyblr Intro

Hi! I’m Lav (they/she), an adult university student on the east coast of the US. I’m currently chugging through on my undergrad degree in English (creative writing focus) and Art History while working at an academic library. Once my B.A. has been acquired, I plan to go to grad school for a Master’s in Library and Information Science. My career goal is to become a research librarian! I’m also self-studying French and Russian (at a snail’s pace lol).

My art and sewing sideblog is @lavandula-crafting

some things I believe in:

Trans rights are human rights!

Censorship is a tool of fascism! Anything that a child can have happen to them in real life is something they deserve to be able to read about in a book at the library.

BLM forever and always!

Landback! If you’re unfamiliar with this term, learn more about it here.

TERFs and white supremacists can go die in a ditch. 

Academia is unfriendly if not downright hostile to neurodivergent learners. If you struggle to learn in an academic environment, you are not alone and you should never feel ashamed! Everyone moves forward at their own pace.

some hobbies I enjoy:

Crochet and sewing! 

Reading! (I might post a book review here or there)

Traditional and digital art

Zines! (this one is very new; I’m just starting to dip my toes into making perzines)

Creative fiction writing!

#studyblr introduction #langblr intro

[detransition]

lytonya | 19/100 portraits of detrans women | by SARAH VACI

“I officially began transitioning in early 2014 in a critical theory grad program. It was as it sounds. I was often accused of not being a girl as far back as my early childhood in the 1980’s. My dysphoria was real & lifetime. But when I look back now, with clearer eyes, I see it did not come from me but the world outside. 

There are too many examples I could give, going back to my toddler years. One example: three years of relentlessly being taunted as “he/she/it” by my whole middle school despite having huge breasts I was ashamed of, long hair, a stereotypical perm & bangs of the early nineties. Maybe it was how the adults reacted? Or how my trying made it worse. I was screamed at for trying to use the restroom, called a rapist. I don’t look like a boy in my school pictures of the time. I wanted to die. That was my life. 

Almost all my therapists have suggested I might not be a woman. Even in the Air Force. Things happened, I did stuff, but it was always there & one day I guess I snapped. It was my Theory Of Everything. I wrote my thesis on my experience. I walked thru hell like nothing I had seen in even my childhood. A terrible horrible accident happened to open my eyes and I canceled my surgery a couple months out in 2020, stopped t, and just walked away. This isn’t the place for all the details.

Here are a few basic ontological/epistemological/ethical truths my journey helped me learn/remember in no particular order:

To paraphrase and mildly embellish Bjork: don’t let poets, priests, prophets, professors, politicians, prosecutors, police, polemicists, pleaders, or program teleprompter readers, not probers of materiality, pessimists of existentialism, nor practitioners of any sort lie to you.

Don’t idolize Diogenes too much.

Another Bjork reference: “love is all around you, maybe not in the direction you are staring at, thrust your head around, it’s all around you”

You are sacred, you were born sacred; you’re only real job, is to find ways to honor that, your free will most expressed in cultivating or denying it. And, thus, anyone telling you the way to do that is to break parts of you & be put back together by someone else (for a price, there’s always a price) is not your friend.

As I tried to teach my child but needed to learn myself: don’t let other people’s lies become your lies or you will implicate yourself in the sins committed against you, then lose yourself & your path. Both can be found again, but not somewhere else & not in a black mirror. 

Your body is not your disease, your sin is not your incarnation, your suffering is not your authenticity. 

It’s better to be an exception that proves a rule than one that merely breaks it. 

Find a safe place or person to say things out loud that make you afraid, so you can see if it’s true.

 I refused all of these lessons for most of my life. Especially those farcical 6 years. And then I stopped. It saved my life; I stopped blaming others for my existence; I work now on not seeing myself as a problem for existing.” (x)

thinking of detransition? you are not alone

#detrans #detransition #ftmtf #detrans ftm #1st #personal story #actuallydetrans #actually detrans