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#ignore me it’s K-pop related
arlana-likes-to-write · 9 months
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Second Chance - Chapter 3
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Masterlist 
Warning: mention of blip, death, life support, jealousy, panic attack 
Word Count: 3.9 k
So the problem with taking a long nap, it was hard to fall asleep. It also didn’t help that your stomach was a little upset from dinner. FRIDAY informed you that the common floor had ginger ale and crackers. You sat on the couch with your sketchbook on your lap and crackers next to you. You preferred drawing comics or line art, realism wasn’t your thing. But drawing portraits of people helped you remember them and the memories. You were drawing your mom when she was in the courtroom. It was rare that she let you come with her and watch her do her thing. She was afraid that you were going to be a target if people connected you to her. 
You missed her so much and you wished she was here to help you through this. When the doctors came into her room at the hospital and told you your options, it was the hardest decision you had to make. But you knew your mom better than anyone, she was your best friend, and you knew she wouldn’t want to be in a vegetative state. So, she was taken off life support and her organs were donated to help save lives. You whipped a tear from your eye before it fell onto your sketchbook. “Why are you crying in the dark?” A voice laced with a Russian accent asked. You jumped, not expecting a voice. In front of you was a blonde-haired girl wearing sweatpants and a SHIELD training shirt. She was fresh out of a shower; her hair was damp and braided. 
“Maybe because I don’t like crying when it’s bright outside,” she shrugged and made her way to the kitchen. You spun around to lean on the back of the couch. The blonde was taking out the leftovers from dinner. “Who are you?” If you were to make an educated guess, she was related to Natasha in some way. 
“Your Stark’s kid,” she deflected your question with a statement of her own. “I’m surprised he doesn’t have more of you running around.” 
“Probably does,” you said. “I wouldn’t put it past dear old dad,” she placed her food in the microwave and turned to face you, arms crossed against her chest. Her green eyes flickered to the beanie you still chose to wear. “I find it unfair you know who I am and I don’t know you.” She smirked and turned to take her food out of the microwave. 
“Where is the fun in that, Stark?”
“Easton,” you corrected her. She raised a questioning eyebrow at you. “I go by my mother’s maiden name since she is the one who raised me and Tony didn’t.” Your mom never spoke ill of the man when you questioned why he was never around. Instead, she told you the truth that she never told him she was pregnant. You stopped asking questions because you didn’t need him. Your mom was all you needed. 
“Well, Easton,” she smiled. “It was nice meeting you. Try to get some sleep.” She walked back over to the elevator and stepped inside. 
“Sleep tight, blondie,” you sat back down on the couch and focused on your drawing. But you didn’t miss the look of surprise on her face as the metal doors closed. You chuckled, popping a cracker into your mouth. You weren’t worried about the mysterious blonde that got food quickly and left. You figured she was supposed to be here since Tony’s AI didn’t alert anyone or alarms didn’t go off. Now you weren’t an Avengers super fan but you knew of them through the news and research for your comics but you didn’t recognize her. She must be a new addition post the Blip. You sighed, biting the end of the pencil. 
You weren’t part of the half of the population that was taken. There was a part of you that wished you were. The car accident happened a few months before the Blip. So you grieved your mom and those you lost. It was hard. You threw yourself into your drawings, and your research, and traveled the world to help others to ignore your grief. It worked. Was it unhealthy? Yes. But you helped a lot of people, wasn’t that worth it? 
You cleaned up the crackers and cleaned the glass you used. There was an ache in your bones and you knew it was time for bed. 
*
You were back on the common floor in the kitchen, sipping on coffee and waiting for your oatmeal to be done. You thanked every god that existed that your taste buds still liked coffee. The microwave beeped and you took it out. As you ate it you made a list of things you needed to do before the weekend was over and your doctor appointment tomorrow morning. Your new room was fully furnished even with kitchen appliances so you could donate your furniture except the desk and bean bag in your office. You could put the desk you had in your bedroom or near the window in the living room. The hall closet would be before seasonal clothes, extra supplies, and a few things you kept that were your mom’s. You had a lot of stuff which meant you needed to go through everything and donate the stuff you didn’t need. But you weren’t sure how long you would be at the tower? Was it a permanent placement? Or until you got better, if you got better. You didn’t like to think about that. “How did you sleep?” Natasha asked, walking up to the coffee pot and pouring herself some. 
“Okay,” you took a bite of your oatmeal. “I think that nap messed up my sleeping schedule.” You giggled. You couldn’t help but stare at the redhead in front of you, trying to compare features from the blonde you met last night. They had similar eye color and teasing look in their eyes. They even smirked the same.      
“You're starring,” Natasha smirked. “I’m sorry but I’m spoken for and I don’t think Tony would like that.” You looked away from her so she didn’t see your embarrassment but a playful smile danced on your lips. 
“Sorry, I guess I’m more tired than I thought,” you looked back at the Black Widow. “Or you're just that mesmerizing to look at.” Natasha groaned, gently slapping you on the shoulder. 
“You flirt better than your father, I'll give you that,” you giggled. “Well I was thinking if you weren’t that tired,” she leaned against the counter. “We could borrow a few of Stark’s cars and go to your apartment to get your things. I can bribe Bucky, Steve, and my sister to help.” Sister? Interesting. But you didn’t dwell too much on that. 
“Why are you offering to help?” You asked with a tilt of your head. 
“This can’t be easy,” she stated. “With your diagnosis, reaching out to your biological father, and moving into a new place with new people,” you smiled. It was not easy. “But I bet having stuff you're familiar with can make it easier.” She was right. The bed was comfortable but you missed your mom’s guilt. The walls were bare, missing your photos and artwork. 
“Thank you, Natasha.” 
“Don’t mention it. I’ll go round up the delinquents. Do you need clothes to wear?” You looked down at your sleeping clothes. You could change into the clothes you were wearing yesterday but they were dirty. 
“Uh yeah,” you scratched the back of your head. “I wasn’t expecting him to offer me a place at the tower.” It was common practice for you to take an overnight bag when you went somewhere due to your random spots of fatigue. You expected to be back at your apartment by lunch night. Natasha frowned. 
“Did you not expect Tony to help you?” The Black Widow asked. You shrugged. 
“I didn’t want to get my hopes up,” you told her. The frown remained on Natasha’s face. 
“Wanda will have something for you to wear. FRIDAY, can you inform Wanda to meet Y/n at her room with clothes?” The AI confirmed she would alert the witch. You smiled. 
“Thanks again, Nat,” you weren’t expecting this level of kindness from the other Avengers. 
“Just tell FRIDAY when you're ready,” you finished your breakfast and cleaned up the dishes. By the time you took the elevator to the floor you were on, Wanda was outside your door with an armful of clothes. You laughed. 
“Got enough options?” You teased, opening the door for her. She huffed with a roll of her eyes. 
“I wasn’t sure what would fit or your style,” she dumped the clothes onto the couch. “So I brought a lot,” she surveyed the mess she created. “Okay, I may have gone a little overboard.” You giggled and started to go through the pile. You settled on a SHIELD shirt, that matched the blonde’s last night, and a pair of black shorts. But a few dresses did catch your eye and you made a mental note to ask her to burrow them. After a quick shower and changing into clothes, you informed the AI that you were ready. 
“Miss. Romanoff and company are in the garage,” you grabbed your wallet, keys, and phone. “Step into the elevator and I’ll bring you down.” 
“Thanks, FRIDAY,” you said, walking out of your room and to the elevator. Once inside, your mind began to race. You leaned back on the metal wall, looked up at the ceiling, and stared at your reflection. Was your apartment clean? You couldn’t remember. It was another effect of chemo - you called it chemo brain. Sometimes you couldn’t remember if you turned off the oven or locked the door. It was why drawing helped so much to pinpoint and focus on specific memories. 
So was your apartment clean? Gods, you hoped so. You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. You tried to push down your anxiety at the thought of 4 Avengers walking into a messy apartment. The elevator doors opened and you saw Natasha, Buck, and Steve next to a moving van and the blonde you met leaning against a red Mustang. The sight made you smile. “Hey Blondie,” her head snapped to you. 
“Blondie?” Natasha questioned looking at who you assumed was her sister. 
“Easton,” she smirked. “You are the reason I was pulled out of bed.” You rolled your eyes. 
“I believe that was your sister,” you tilted your head to Natasha. The three Avengers watched the interaction with confusion all over their faces. “We met last night. She knew who I was but refused to tell me her name so from now until she tells me her name she will be Blondie.” Natasha shook her head with a defeated sigh. 
“Ya delayueta (idiot),” she said, hitting her sister’s arm. Whatever she said made Bucky chuckle. It was Russian that you knew but you and Steve looked at each other, the only ones not understanding the language. Her sister frowned, rubbing the spot Natasha hit. “You’ll be riding with my sister,” you huffed. Her name was still a mystery but the blonde looked smug. “We’ll follow you.” 
“Sounds good, you smiled, getting into the passenger seat. You didn’t catch whatever Natasha said to her sister before they got into the van. The blonde got with a sigh and turned on the car. “What did she say to you?” 
“Put your address in,” she handed you her phone with the maps app already up instead of answering. You did as she asked and plugged it into the charger. “She told me to stop being difficult.” She began the drive to your apartment. 
“Difficult?” You didn’t think she was. “Why are you being difficult?” But you were curious why she kept her name a mystery. You couldn’t find much about her online with a quick Google search. 
“It’s more fun,” you laughed, shaking your head. “Do you not think so, Easton?” 
“Whatever you say, blondie,” you smiled. “Whatever you say.” 
*
You unlocked the door to your apartment and stepped out of the way for the Avengers to enter. It was a 2 bedroom, 1 ½ bathroom. You used your second bedroom as your office and art studio since no one was coming to visit you. You were lucky to afford a place like this on your own and a glance around it wasn’t a mess. Bucky carried in some moving boxes. “So all the furniture is gonna stay beside the stuff in my office. The pots, pans, and utensils will be donated. I guess we’ll pack as much as we can today and I’ll come back another day to finish it.” 
“Anything you want to prioritize?” Steve asked. 
“My clothes,” you smiled. “As much as I love Wanda’s clothes, I don’t think this is my vibe.” Natasha laughed. 
“I’ll handle your clothes.” 
“Steve and I will get your furniture from your office,” Bucky suggested. 
“And I’ll stand here and look pretty.” 
“Ya delayueta (idiot),” you teased. Bucky, Natasha, and the blonde looked at you, mouths open. “I pick up on languages easily,” A quick Google search also didn’t help. “It’s Russian for idiot,” you told the blonde super soldier. Steve smiled, shaking his head with a laugh. 
“She’s not wrong.” She gasped, clutching her chest. 
“Steve Rogers, how could you?” You smiled. 
“I’ll buy pizza if you do some work, blondie.” You said and walked over to your hall closet to get a cooler and some reusable bags. Packing up the kitchen was going to be your job so you could go through the fridge and pantry. Natasha headed off to your bedroom and Steve and Bucky went to your office which left the blonde in your living space. She put a box together and began to take the pictures off the wall. You couldn’t help but watch her. The living room was decorated with pictures and items from your travels and the research you’ve done. She would look at the picture for a little bit before putting it into the box. It was odd, a stranger was going through some of your most prized possessions, packing them up so you could move into the Avengers’ tower. What a strange life you were living. 
“So,” you looked at the blonde. “What languages do you know?”
“I’m fluent in English and German but I’ve traveled a lot and I can put up with delicate differences.” She nodded, picking up a handmade mug you got while volunteering in South Africa. You continued to watch her. There was an odd look on her face. You frowned, going back to cleaning out the fridge not wanting to think too much about it. 
*
Yelena walked into the spare room you deemed as your office. The space was cleaned out of a desk, a bean bag, and an art easel. There was something about you that Yelena found intriguing but she couldn’t put her finger on it. She put together one of the moving boxes and began to take the artwork off the wall. They were all line drawings of various sea creatures with watercolor accents. Her favorite was the blue whale with her calf. Once they were safely in the box, Yelena opened the closet. She wondered how you could afford this place on top of your medical expenses. A majority of the stuff was extra art supplies and canvas, all still in their original packaging. But what caught her eye was the flying cabinet. She couldn’t help herself as she knelt in front of it and opened the bottom drawer. Was it an invasion of privacy? Probably but Yelena was a spy at heart and her curiosity got the best of her.  
She wasn’t surprised that she found more of your artwork but the contents of the pictures were surprising. It was the Avengers in comic book format. The mission they were on Yelena didn’t recognize so she assumed you made it up. The details were impressive. She put the comic back and picked up another drawing. It was a realistic portrait of a woman. Yelena didn’t know her but she saw similar features of you in her. She made the educated guess she was your mother. Natasha called her on her flight back from St. Petersburg and explained your story to her; diagnosed with cancer and the only family you had left was Tony because a car accident killed your mother. It was weird learning about your life through pictures she had to pack. You’ve traveled and seen the world by choice. You had a loving mother and now a father that brought you in without question. Those relationships weren’t brought together by a Red Room mission. She understood the feeling that grew when she saw you. Jealousy. She was jealous. Jealous of a girl who was dying unless she got a bone marrow transplant. It was ridiculous, uncalled for. But she couldn’t help it. Every time she learned something about you, a warm feeling built in her chest and she envied everything. “For a spy, you're pretty easy to sneak up on,” Yelena jumped, turning around quickly. You were standing in the doorway with a playful smile on your face. “Whatcha got there, blondie?” You asked, walked over to her, and sat down. Smiling, you looked at the picture in her hand. “That’s my mom. It was right before the car accident.” 
“They never found out who caused it, right?” You nodded, taking the picture from her. Yelena frowned, not liking the sadness radiating from you. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone through your stuff.” You placed the photo back where it belonged. 
“Don’t worry about it,” you stood up, holding out your hand to help her up. Yelena hesitated (she wondered if you noticed) but finally took it. Your hand was smooth against hers beside the small callus on your finger. “You would have seen them eventually. The pizza is here. I guess you did enough to deserve it.” You teased her. Yelena chuckled, rolling her eyes. She wondered how you kept your heart. It was what Melina said to her and Natasha before the Red Room took them - ‘don’t let them take your heart.’ Life had not been easy for you but you still managed to keep your smile and sense of humor. It was another thing on her list to envy. 
“Your evil, Easton,” you giggled, looking back over your shoulder. 
“You don’t know half of it.” 
*
FRIDAY told you that Tony was in his lap. You held a box that was decorated in red and gold, tight underneath your arm. In hindsight, you should have known who your father was based on the color of the box but you only saw it once or twice. When the lab door opened, Tony looked up from his workbench. “Hey kid, how was moving out of the apartment?” He asked. 
“Good,” you sat down on an empty stool next to him. “I have to go back again but a majority of my stuff is here.” You watched his eyes glance at the box. 
“Well, let me know if I can help,” you nodded, tracing the lid of the box with your finger and looking away from him. Tony pulled up another stool. “Hey,” you looked at him. “What’s wrong?” You sighed, handing him the box. 
“The letters she wrote to you,” he took the box, eyes wide as he stared at it. “You can read them or not or destroy them. It’s your choice.” 
“Thank you,” you nodded, standing up. 
“One more thing,” you let out a shaky breath. “I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Do-do you want to come?” You were afraid to ask him, unsure of his response. But your mom didn’t allow him to be in your life, you wanted to give him the chance. The ball was in his court. You could tell he was shocked by the invitation. 
“Of course. I’ll be there,” you felt the weight leave your shoulders. Since your diagnosis, you’ve gone to your doctor's appointment alone. “Just let me know,” you smiled. 
“Sounds good. I’ll see you later, Tony,” you left his lap, hearing a ‘see ya’ from behind you. You took the elevator to the floor and into your room. It was a mess, boxes everywhere. You sighed, grabbed your mom’s quilt, and sat on the couch. The quilt belonged to your great-grandmother, who passed away before you were born. She gifted it to your mom when she graduated high school. It was blue and white with stars. You had great memories of you and your mom wrapped in this quilt reading a bedtime story by the campfire. You sighed, falling deeper into the couch and allowing the quilt to keep you warm. The mess could wait and be dealt with another time. 
*
His leg began to shake as he stared at the box still resting in his hand. He felt a panic attack building inside him. It was a long time coming with everything going on but he didn’t have time for it. On shaky legs, he stood up and opened a drawer at his desk pulling out a bottle of whiskey and a glass. It was rare that he drank but he needed something to take the edge off. He picked up the box and sat down on the small couch. 
There was a part of him that thought about destroying the box of letters. He didn’t have to know what he missed in the past; he had you now and could look towards the future, no matter how short it may be. No, he couldn’t think like that. He poured his drink. “Tony, your heart rate has elevated. Should I contact Pepper?” 
“No, FRIDAY, I’m okay,” he wasn’t sure if he was okay but he opened the box. He wondered if there was an order to the letters. Each one was titled - 1st Christmas, High School Graduation, 5th birthday, and every milestone he missed Jessica wrote him a letter. Tony wasn’t sure how long it took before her words began to blur and he wasn’t making sense of anything. He missed you graduating high school and traveling with Captain Mills to help research how global warming was affecting sharks. He missed all of this because he wasn’t given a choice to be in your life. The beating of his heart was the only thing he heard in his quiet lab. His breathing was erratic as he picked up his full glass and threw it at the wall. The glass shattering startled him as he sat on the ground, back against the couch. He pressed the palm of his hands to his eyes, hoping it would help but it wasn’t. He couldn't stop the growing panic inside of him. It was too much.  
Soon he felt fingers running through his hair. FRIDAY must have notified Pepper and he was so out of it that he didn’t hear Pepper enter. “I’m here,” he mumbled. Pepper hummed, pushing some strands off his forehead that were stuck due to sweat. 
“That was a big one,” she stated. “Just sit with me, okay?” Tony didn’t have the energy to resist her as he rested his head on her shoulder. The sweet smell of her lavender perfume washed over him. He felt better, felt grounded. His heart rate evened out and his breathing wasn’t as erratic. “Do you want to talk about what triggered it?” She asked softly. 
“Later,” he said. “Can we just be?” Pepper nodded, holding him tighter. And they would talk about it later. But for now, they were just Pepper and Tony. Not the CEO of Stark Industries or Iron. Not a mother of 1 and a new father of two. In the quiet and empty lab, they were safe in each other’s arms. Just being Pepper and Tony. 
Taglist:  @likemick
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beautifulpersonpeach · 7 months
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Hi Peach! Sorry if this is a weird ask, but can you please explain why you bias the rapline? What is it about them that makes you like them? I understand could be many known and unknown factors for why, so maybe just tell one? Your post for RM recently made me wonder. Thank you.
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They are the best at what they do.
Whatever it is they choose to do that is solely their work, I know I'm guaranteed to be listening to the best possible iteration of it. All three of them - Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon - are easily some of the best musicians alive. In my opinion. Like, I just cannot hear the music they make and not stan. I engaged with BTS first and foremost for the music, and don't have it in me to ignore skill like what they've shown since debut.
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(He knows he's got the prettiest dragon eyes)
One of the biggest reasons BTS is the biggest group in the world today is because of the peerless ability of their rapline. The best rappers and performers in k-pop are in BTS. BTS holds some of the top songwriters, producers, and choreographers within their group, and you find all three within the rapline. They fundamentally understand the assignment.
Take for example, a song like HUH?! and the brilliance that is SOPE's verses. Drill is a very tricky genre because the instrumentation and grim lyrical delivery are supposed to be equally weighted. And despite the numerous attempts by Korean artists to master it, less than a handful have and only after several tries. But Yoongi and Hoseok's first song in this style immediately is one of the best I've heard, period. One reason is because SOPE immediately show an understanding of one key feature in Drill: balance.
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(You can see and smell and feel the massive pools of rizz wafting off him through the screen)
Contrasted to many other hip hop styles, in drill the violence is explicitly the point of the song, the instrumentation mimics a gun-down, and the way you’re supposed to show it is to allow the sparse but gritty beat breathe alongside lyrics that promise nothing but pain, violence and death. Said as matter of factly as possible. And my God the way Hobi did that on HUH?! gave me chills. Yoongi meanwhile just hacked away with no hesitation or concern like the animal he is.
It’s an excellent song that can hold its own against works by many American rappers, and SOPE made it. HUH?! is in the ranking of my top 20 tracks released in 2023, across all genres.
Snooze still makes constant rotation, Dawn, Amygdala, Haegeum, D-DAY, Life Goes On... I'm still streaming Yoongi’s album from top to bottom. Same with On the Street, Rush Hour, and Jack in the Box, same deal with Indigo and sometimes Sexy Nukim and Joon's other collabs. Like, these guys make music I actually look forward to listening to everyday, music that when it comes up on shuffle, a smile comes on my face.
With the BTS rapline, I just feel so certain and assured that the product will be of outstanding quality, practically every time.
I mean, the D-DAY tour still feels like a fever dream. It was the first solo tour by a BTS member, Yoongi's this time, and nearly every reviewer and professional critic has called it one of the best concert experiences they've had this decade. And anyone who themselves attended his concerts, can attest to this being true for them. Because the fact is, Min Yoongi is a consummate performer and one of the best storytellers of his generation.
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(He just looks like someone who got a personal cosign from Ryuichi Sakamoto)
*
These guys are just good. It's like there's a fire within them to express themselves so thoroughly through their craft. There's other things about them that I relate enough to, to feel so drawn to them that I bias them, but that right there is one reason.
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btwinlines · 2 months
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When you get this you have to answer with 5 of your fav songs and then tag your mutuals to do the same :) (no pressure!)
Tagged by @visualtaehyun , thank you and sorry that I didn't post it sooner!
Listen, asking me to choose 5 favourite songs is like asking a cat person to choose only one cat in a cat café: that's not feasible by any means!. So, I'll copy @visualtaehyun and I will double the fun. 5 favourite Thai songs and 5 from other languages (who am I kidding, from other Asian countries that are not Thailand).
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My first BL obsession was ITSAY, and part of it was because of its OST and Billkin's mesmerising voice. I am a musical theater lover, and Billkin is the closest to a crooner I've found in Thai music (I like Nont Tanont but Billkin owns my heart). He is a natural born singer and the older he gets, the better he sings. I adore this song with all my might and I'm counting the days for him to release a new ballad as gorgeous as this one.
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Bowkylion's voice is a gift from the gods, this woman has such a particular voice that made me fall in love with her music. She is, I think, the only Thai singer that I know about that is not related to Thai BLs. And "Recall" is a beautiful ballad that combined with her outstanding voice becames a true piece of art.
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If Billkin and Bowkylion are my favourite Thai singers, Tilly Birds is my favourite band. I love ALL their songs, I spent months listening to their albums in loop the moment I got a Spotify account. But the first song I heard from them was this one, still one of my favourites ever, not only because it's perfection but for the memories attached to it (Bad Buddy first trailer, of course!)
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Jeff Satur wasn't in my radar until he composed, sang and produced ( my all-rounder boy!) the KinnPorsche OST main song (which I love). I really like most of his songs, I think he has improved tons since he started singing, but this one maybe my favourite of him right now. He is a great ballads composer and this one is a good testament of that.
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Yeah, I didn't know anything about the band fellow fellow until I heard this song, which has got me in a chokehold since then. It is such a feel-good song that it has entered my top 10 Thai songs very quickly.
Now, 5 favourite songs from other Asian countries:
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I've been an all things Japan lover for such a long time that, obviously, most of my favourite songs come from there. During the last decade, Official髭男dism (or HigeDan) has been my favourite band, and I love ALL of their songs from the last 5 years. This one is my favourite though, it has such a beautiful message and video that always makes me an emotional mess.
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Suga Shikao is my favourite male singer from Japan. His songs, specially his ballads, have been on all my playlists for decades. I have chosen this one because of the memories it brings back, but it could have been any other because I just love all of them.
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K-dramas made me love K-pop ballads, but this one by Paul Kim is my all-time favourite. It is a very classical k-pop song, but timeless. And Kim's voice is always a pleasure to listen to.
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The filipino band SB19 was created by a K-pop company and it has a very clear K-pop influence, but they have been able to combine their own culture and music with the most popular music trends. This song is an incredibly well-written piece with meaningful lyrics, and one of my favourites of the band.
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This song by Kourin has a special place in my heart for personal reasons, but I think is the most beautiful love song for your loved ones, those being family members or friends. This version is the original video with subtitles in portuguese (I couldn't find the original video without subs in Youtube). It is a rare gem which I will treasure forever.
Sorry if you've been tagged already, please kindly ignore this or point me towards your post. ✨️ Tagging @lurkingshan @theflagscene @dribs-and-drabbles @stuffnonsenseandotherthings @waitmyturtles @absolutebl and whoever sees this and wants in on the fun~
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Who Are You -Namjoon x reader-
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Namjoon x reader
Category- Angst no fluff
warnings- none, just some angst, if you don't like angst please don't read :) not proof read, so sorry if there are any typos!
Authors note: This really hurt me writing this tbh. But every time I listen to "who" by Lauv ft. BTS, I get ideas about writing something, and since Namjoon is my bias I had to write something with him in it. Don't worry all my Namjoon lovers!! I'll make it up to all of you!
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You and Namjoon had grown up together and were practically inseparable. But that was years and years ago, now you two never talk. When you do, it is always work related. Something had happened, you're not sure what, but something in him changed. You had confronted him about it one day, but he brushed you off.
*Several years ago*
“Namjoon, what the hell?” you said annoyed. It was the tenth day in a row he had ignored all of your calls and texts. Namjoon looked at you, but chose to ignore you, making it seem like you weren't even there. “Kim Namjoon, if you don't at least say something to me, I’m going to be pissed.” you threatened. Still though, he said nothing. “Please, Joon. I just want to know what has happened. What's changed?” you tried speaking softer, but still, he chose to ignore your presence.
*three years later*
Namjoon was still ignoring you, you had tried over and over again to talk to him but he never listened. One day though, Namjoon came up to you during work. You worked at Hybe Corporation, and helped to form new k-pop groups. You were currently in the middle of packing for a trip. You would be a judge on the show I-LAND. You had been looking forward to it all month. You had been given information about the boys trying out prior to the day. You had even picked out two boys you hoped would do great. You picked Ri-ki or more commonly known as Ta-ki, and Nishamura Ri-ki also known as Ni-ki. You were in your office, you had to stop here before your flight because you had left something that you needed. Namjoon knocked on your door. “Come in,” you said, not paying attention to who it was, trying to look for that one important thing.
Namjoon walked into the room, he smiled when he saw you, his heart breaking slightly at how cold he had been to you the past few years. He truly regretted everything, but it wasn’t his fault truly! People had started dating rumors about him and another idol. Hybe threatened to put him on Hiatus if he didn't get cleared up soon. So Namjoon was forced to act as if you didn’t exist. These dating rumors though, there was some truth in them. Namjoon had given you a promise ring many years ago when he first found out you both had feelings for one another. He had promised you that one day you would be together, just not now. His career was just kicking off, plus, if Hybe found out he was dating someone, he could be forced to leave BTS.
Neither of you wanted that for him, so you thought it best to put off your relationship until he could work some things with Hybe out. Try to see if there was a way he could date someone without being let go. So far he hasn't been able to find a way. That was until today. Today he had talked to Hybe again, and they told him that since all of the rumors of him dating someone had left, fans had truly wanted to see him with someone. This person was someone who he was constantly with, and who would it be other than you!
Namjoon cleared his throat. You picked your head up, smiling at the person before your brain registered who it was. The color drained from your face, and your eyes went wide. You quickly pulled yourself together. “Hello Nam-RM,” you quickly corrected yourself, you didn't feel the need to call him that anymore with how he’s treated you the past couple of years. You saw Namjoon flinch slightly at the name correction. “How can I help you? It has to be quick, as you probably know already, I am getting ready to leave for I-LAND.” you said. Namjoon cleared his throat again, “I-I, um,” he paused, taking a deep breath, “I just wanted to apologize for how I’ve treated you these past few years. I want to explain myself-” you cut him off with a scoff before you spoke, “tch, it's been how many years since you started ignoring me? Three? Four now? To be honest, I’ve lost count. I tried talking to you every damn day, but you chose to ignore me. Namj-RM, you looked right at me so many fucking times, and just ignored my existence. Now you expect me to sit around and listen to you ‘explain yourself’” you air quoted him. “Your stupid if you think I’ve waited all these years for you.”
That’s not true. You did wait for him. You kept the promise ring he gave you so many years ago, but your pride and anger wouldn’t let you admit that to him or yourself. It's funny because the thing you're currently looking for is the promise ring. You had placed it down when you had to do a monthly check up on BTS during their dance practice as well as vocal practice, when you got back to your office, you couldn’t find it to save your life. It had scared you, you couldn’t lose the one thing you still kept so dear to you.
“Please baby-”
“Don't call me that. You lost the right to call me that three years ago.” “I’m sorry, y/n please, just listen to me. I swear I never wanted to ignore you, but Hybe had threatened to put me on Hiatus because there were dating rumors about me and some other idol flying around. They weren’t good ones either, it was negative about me. ARMY tried to back me up with it, and somehow they were able to convince Hybe that I could date someone. It created a lot of positive buzz with the good side of ARMY, Hybe will let me date a person of my choosing! Plus!!! ARMY already knows about you, you’ve been in so many of our past Vlives, and vlogs, plus, they’ve seen you in some when you come in to do the monthly reports on vocals and dance! They want us to be together!” he told you, a smile on his face towards the end, before it went away, being replaced with a look of seriousness. “So please, y/n” he walked closer to you, you took a step back but he continued forward. You hit the front of your oak wood deck, and Namjoon was right in front of you. He took your small hands in his larger ones and looked you in the eyes, “please y/n, give me another chance. I swear to you I won’t fuck it up like I did last time.”
You shook your head, “no, Joon, you can't do this. You can't treat me like that then one day decide you missed me and come running back and think I’ve waited for you the entire time. I don't even know who you are anymore. Who are you? Are you Kim Namjoon, the man I fell in love with, or are you RM of BTS, the man that chose his career over his relationship? I need to know. ‘Cause you're not the guy I fell in love with. Something has clearly changed Joon, because you’re not the same, and if I’m being honest…” You paused for a second taking a deep breath to stop from letting tears fall before you continued again. “I really hate it. I’m sick and tired of waiting for you. And now I know that you're not the right one for me.” you felt tears in your eyes before you quickly blinked them away. You looked at the clock hanging above your door. You pulled your hands from him, “look, I have to go or I’m going to miss the taxi taking me to the airport.” You walked to the door, turning back to look at him one last time. He was just as handsome as the last time you saw him, when you were both on speaking terms with one another. “Thank you,” you started, “for coming to see me today, it means a lot. Thank you for telling me this, but just know, we” you motioned to you and him, “we wouldn’t be able to make it out there,” you pointed outside your office door. “I’m sorry RM, I truly am, maybe in another life where you are not an idol and I don't work for your company. In a life where you’re just a normal person, and we met on normal terms. But that won't be us anytime soon. So again, I’m sorry, but we can’t be anything.” and with that, you left, closing your office door on the way out.
Namjoon was left standing there alone. He felt tears form in his eyes before they fell down his cheeks. He walked over to the door and locked it, sliding down it after. In here he was just Namjoon, he didn’t have to deal with the outside world, being an idol, the rumors or anything. He placed a hand over his eyes as he looked up, tears spilling from his eyes. Why did he have to be such an idiot? He ruined something so beautiful just to try to keep that beautiful thing. He had ruined your relationship, the promise ring he gave you so many years ago meaning nothing anymore except for the empty promise he made. He truly fucked up, now he could never make it up.
*present*
You and Namjoon still don't talk, you had blocked his contact information, and you chose to work with a different group within Hybe. They let you work with ENHYPEN. You had hoped Ni-ki would get in and thankfully he did! He did such a great job too! You had also worked with Tomorrow x Together, you enjoyed working with them. A lot of this helped you forget about Namjoon, but part of you still longed to be with him. But you knew it was better this way. You could focus on work, and he could focus on making great music for his fans and the company. Namjoon however still longed to be with you, but he also knew better. He tried to contact you, but you had blocked him. So to ease his ever aching heart, he listened to your old voicemails and read over the old text messages you would send back and forth. He missed you deeply, but he knew he could never be with you, he wanted you so bad it hurt. But you could never be, you had said that exact same thing years ago, and now he believes it.
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yuikomorii · 2 years
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I agree there are darker games than DL but Yui compared to those heroines is nothing if we’re going to look at it from not a subjective point of view.
I’ve played a bunch of otome games too and although I like Diabolik Lovers and your blog, I really can’t view Yui as a good heroine. People compliment her mental strength but little do they know all heroines share that trait, it’s a must in an otome games. The fact that she survived was not because she is “mentally strong” but because of plot armour. I’m pretty sure there were a few times when she wanted to k*ll herself but didn’t because the vampire she chose saved her.
Besides, this is a very popular opinion as far as I’ve seen in this fandom, but she’s respectfully an idiot. I was expecting her to be smarter than in the anime but she’s even more stupid in the game. I’ll give her credit in the manga though, they really did her justice here. There is a thin line between naivety and lacking brain cells, but Yui crossed that line already. She seems someone thoughtful in her monologues but then she opens that mouth and says or does such bullshit that makes me be scream. If the brothers were as villainous as they are said to be, I bet they would have wrecked her long before.
I remember that time when Rejet confirmed none of the Diaboys r*ped her in HDB because they pulled the dub-con card and made Little Miss Church girl like having sex in her monologues instead of hating it because wtf they were literally assaulting her but she was happy!? I don’t get why they’d make her act this way but r*pe is presented in most otome games and there are truly heroines who are disgusted by it, who I find way more relatable than her.
Feel free to delete or ignore this ask if you want, I just wanted to tell you my opinion. It’s probs not important at all but I just felt like taking this off my chest.
// But I've never claimed that Yui is the best heroine or anything like that. She's middle-tier because such a heroine won't appeal to everyone, which is understandable given that DL isn't your typical otome game. I agree that they are all mentally strong, particularly Haruka from Moshikami, who is literally the queen of this.
It’s true that if the Diaboys really existed, they would have slayed her the moment she said or did something wrong because vampires are monsters; they have no mercy for humans, who are merely prey in their eyes. Yet, it's just an otome game, they can't just kill her off because the story can't continue without a heroine.
Alright, let me tell you why Yui is stupid sometimes. Basically everyone is aware of that, Rejet intentionally writes her lacking brain cells from time to time, but let me explain why:
According to Japanese otome game polls, players don’t like when the heroine is better than them. While they do like a heroine with her own design and background, they don’t want her to be smarter, more skilled, cooler or more interesting than them.
I remember these Japanese fans on Twitter discussing about heroines, and one of them said, "Yui-chan is a little foolish, but she's so cute!" and someone else responded, "True, she's so kind too!" As you can see, Japanese players don't mind if Yui is dumber than them; they acknowledge it, but they focus on her positive traits more. Japan has never had a problem with “stupidity” in media, characters who are occasionally dummies but also sympathetic or emotional supports are frequently fan favorites.
Yui, in my opinion, is not that stupid; in fact, none of the DL characters can be called that. I'd rather call her dense and slow-minded because she acts before thinking and doesn't always consider the consequences. Still, because we all come from different countries and have met different types of people, we can’t perceive stupidity identically.
I know Rejet confirmed that they didn’t rap€ her in HDB in one of the cg books, but as you stated, that’s because of dub-con.
Fyi, dub-con(dubious consent) is part of Japanese pop culture and is considered something very attractive there. It basically means a fictional situation in which the consent is not clear, the character can cry and scream but they admit liking it in their thoughts. The situation may not be real-world levels of consenting, but the victim is not perceiving themselves as a victim because they desire the sex act, which is indeed true in Yui’s case.
You can notice that in Kanato’s HDB lake sex scene, Yui says in her monologue that what he’s doing to her is not undesirable. Another scene is in Ayato's HDB route, where Yui clearly states that Ayato's genuine smile and his "You're mine" declaration go straight to her heart, essentially giving her a hint that he likes her back.
Yui's dream was to become a nun, but the moment she has sex, she abruptly changes her mind and genuinely enjoys it, so I can't get her carnal desire. I know some faithful heroines too but yeah, they disliked the thought of losing their virginity, and the love interests were really manipulative there too. If she hadn't been a church girl, I wouldn't have had anything against it, but I must confess that they made her far too horny for someone with a religious background and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Sure, hormones are typical at that age, and it can be amusing seeing her act like that, but literally getting sexually-frustrated because your vampire lover doesn’t screw you or suck your blood anymore is already way over the top. But whatever, she’s just like that in the bad endings. I mean, she still gets horny but at least not that bad. xD
I guess these are some of the reasons why DL shouldn’t be localized; it presents themes Westerns will find unsettling, while the Japanese audience will consider those hot. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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megumishotgf · 8 months
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kpop groups class 1-a listen to because i said so
here are some of my headcanons detailing what kpop groups some of the 1-a students would listen too!!
also i’m terribly sorry for the inactiveness. got diagnosed with autism and dropped out of uni (i’m so much happier now) and am going to pursue my art dreams.
masterlist
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: ̗̀➛ kyoka jirou
jirou loves day6! prefers k-rock over k-pop but still knows all the best hits of each year. her expert knowledge mainly focuses on second generation groups. it’s as if she’s been spending years preparing for a pop quiz on this. other artists she likes include the rose, xdinary heroes and rolling quartz. she loves boy groups and girl groups equally.
: ̗̀➛ tenya iida
this man is a stan of snsd. tenya is a very cultured man and generally gives me second gen stan vibes. he truly believes ‘into the new world’ changed the trajectory of his life and had the biggest cultural impact of any piece of media in this century. tenya will write an essay arguing this. he also appreciates exo and shinee! hates superjunior (as he should) but hearing lucifer gets his hips shaking side to side.
: ̗̀➛ momo yaoyorozu
momo loves classical and instrumental music (her spotify wrapped is just studio ghibli soundtracks) but she can appreciate the occasional k-pop song. she loves female soloists in particular! think iu, taeyeon, chungha, ailee… she knows how to appreciate beautiful female vocals. also has a strong affinity for k-drama soundtracks. the ones with special idol features - you know what i’m talking about. slow, romantic ballads. shows jirou all her favourite ones (jirou thinks they’r kind of boring but listens just for her girlfriend).
: ̗̀➛ izuku midoriya
izuku loves bts because of the messages in their songs. he finds their story so inspiring. izuku relates to the fact that they built up their legacy from the ground up with nothing but hard work, and that they were ignored for so long. definitely listens to spring day and young forever when he is sad and just sobs (just like me fr). if you knock on his dorm and ask if he’s okay, he will squeak out a response insisting he’s fine. but you can still hear him sobbing into the pillow during the pauses before the next queued songs play. oh and izuku’s bias is namjoon because of how well spoken and intellectual he is, but he admires all members for their passion. oh and and ochako introduced him to twice!! he loves how cheerful their music is.
: ̗̀➛ ochaco uraraka
now, uraraka has devoted her life to twice. she is a diehard twice fan. but she is poor and her only album was a gift from kirishima and she treasures it. her favourite era was dance the night away and her bias is jihyo (this is so intellectual of her). carries a photocard in her phone case. class 1-a surprise ochako with tickets to see them live on one of her birthdays (they piled up all their money) and she just started floating towards the ceiling in shock. then she cried there
: ̗̀➛ mina ashido
mina is in love with ateez!! she loves to learn their dances and appreciates their high energy. also thinks they are the most beautiful men to grace this earth (this is facts). her bias is yeosang. she knows every choreo and it always looks incredible. for school festivals, mina will gather some of her classmates and force them to learn complicated dance choreo to perform in front of everyone. this year it was o.o by nmixx.
: ̗̀➛ shouto todoroki
shouto undoubtedly listens to loona and is not afraid of admitting it. it’s like the patrick bateman meme - he walks with zero emotion but hi high is blasting in his headphones. however does not know their names, or at least he cannot put name to face. but yes he knows their whole discography. bought an album once and he was shocked at how many inclusions there were (he was expecting just a cd). eventually discovers the loona universe and fan theories and for a week straight it was all shouto spoke to his friends about. they got so annoyed they blocked the word loona from their social medias temporarily so it wouldn’t set him off on a spiral.
: ̗̀➛ katsuki bakugo
hmm.. katsuki loves dreamcatcher. this man has got superior taste. i feel like katsuki would mainly listen to rock music and hip-hop. so other artists he may appreciate are dean, dpr live and epik high. but sometimes you can hear red velvet coming from his dorm and if you question him about it he will scream at you (if it plays when katsu is drunk you can even catch at a peek at him doing the choreo when he thinks no one is looking).
: ̗̀➛ eijiro kirishima
also a cultured man as kirishima is a fan of twice. he joins the girls when they had ‘girly’ sleepovers and learns the dances from them (this headcanon applies to all their ‘girls night’ sleepovers. kiri makes them so much fun). this is especially fun during award shows, where they all gather around a laptop, eyes wide and glossy as they wait for their favourite groups to hopefully be announced as winners. definitely films the dances on tiktok and also shows them to katsuki later. based on mina’s recommendation, he would probably listen to ateez too!
: ̗̀➛ denki kaminari
i sense a neverland. this man is obsessed with (g)-idle. denki has a crush on soyeon (he is me). denki cried when soojin left (i did too) but will take this to his grave. also loves stayc. he most certainly owns a few albums. he prefers girl groups over boy groups because he is a bit of a perv (sorry denki i love you!!). but also because denki believes girl groups have superior music. his most played song of all time is tell me by the wonder girls.
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fanyyy444 · 2 months
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this blog has been very dissapointing. you ignore asks that have been around for 2 months yet immediately answer tarot questions about kpop idols (rule of tarot being you need the person's accord to peek into their lives, i dont think jimmy bts gave consent) youre a creep
I'm sorry??? Why disappointing?? What did I do again?🤨
I always say and I'll say again, I'll answer all of these asks when I get free time, a good mood, the energy to do them, etc. I do have a lot of prehistoric asks in my inbox and I PROMISE I WILL ANSWER ALL OF THEM when I get free time, a peaceful environment, and a good mood. Also I just won't waste all my time and energy doing readings nonstop, I have a life to live🙂
Also are u blind?? I'm not answering K-Pop asks now, I'm focusing on the yes or no + free readings asks🤨
I do think JIMIN BTS and all of the other members and other Idols I read for gives me permission to do the readings and post them, otherwise I wouldn't be doing so. And I always tell y'all when they don't want to answer/participate. Sometimes they don't want to answer because their energy isn't stable at the moment, they find the question invasive, or just don't want to answer, don't want to be bothered.
I'm not a "creep", I'm just a normal person who started doing BTS readings under a bts tarot tag in an app called Tumblr <3
Actually you are a creep because why attack me when I did nothing to you?? I always try to be kind to everyone here and you should too. Coming to someone and sending an ANONYMOUS ask telling them mean words and saying they're a creep isn't kind, you must receive your karma for all the bad things you do to others. Always be kind to everyone because you don't really know what they're going through and what they went through, it can badly affect someone's mental health and change their behavior.
And I really don't understand why people come only at me and send me asks telling me to stop posting things under bts tarot tag that aren't really related to tarot, but I'm not the only one who does so, it's just so unfair and strange?? Like why do you guys hate me so much?? I mean the envy's so big like that?? 🥴
I'm sorry if I'm disappointing you, maybe my blog isn't for you?!
I think that's all to say now🩷
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vamp-hollow · 2 years
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Blackberry the Masses
Eddie Munson x Black Reader
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Summary: When the turmoil of living in hawkins get too much for you to handle one night, you sit on eddies roof, daydreaming about your future lives.
Warnings: smoking,drinking, white ignorance
(This is a repost ,sorry if this pops up twice!)
Night was your favorite time of day.
The grayish smoke from the blazing cigarette wafted up into the air, swirling up upon itself. The muddied gray clouds obstructed your view of the Bright Moon. Its Vividness is Shown within you the blue rays gleaming and glistening like glitter. the cold metal sending a shiver up your spine. You were sitting on the top of your friend, Eddie Munsons, trailer. He always said that you could come by whenever you were stressed but you didn't wanna bother him, especially with his DND campaign coming to a close, you knew he’d be busy.his muffled, mumbled voice filled your ears, it made you a little giddy, even if you couldn’t understand it.
As you sat up, your Walkman fell out of your pocket making a loud clattering sound against the Mobile home you hope that He didn’t hear it but once you heard his mumbling voices cease you knew your suspicion was true.
“..fuck” you mumbled, peering over the side of the roof as you heard a creaky window slide open.
A Bumbling brunette stumbled across the grass murdering swears before looking up at you with a sheepish grin plastering his face 
[Name]! What're you doing up there?!” He said, Jumping up and down trying to get leverage to hop onto the roof with you and you flopped back down, slinking an arm over your eyes To try and hide yourself “don't look at me Edsssss” you groaned wanting to disappear into the sky to save yourself from embarrassment.
Poor Eddie was still struggling, legs dangling on the side of the trailer. you hoisted him up by his arms as he flopped on top of the roof, shuddering at its coldness
“I had that yk’now” he mumbled, looking at you while snickering to himself. However, his expression softened once he saw your face, staring off into the sky.
“Hey, earth to [Name?]” Eddie said, tilting his head slightly before snapping his fingers in front of your face, pulling you out of your daydream
“Hm! Oh uh, what's up ed?” You asked, seemingly trying to ignore what had just occurred
“You were uh,starin off just now…you ok?” Eddie reached to cup your face but you slapped his hand away, this took him aback as he looked at you, confused
“Oh shit Eds my bad i-i just” you muttered over your words sighing before looking back up
“You wouldn’t get it”
You loved Eddie. you truly did. you had known him when you were both in freshman year getting held back at separate times during your academic years led you to stay in school longer. But at least you had each other. Being black in a small town like this was exhausting. excruciatingly exhausting. Especially since Hawkins was predominantly white. The staring and the murmurs, it was hell. And you knew Eddie had enough sense to not be like them. But he still was white, and he couldn’t relate to Your struggle. At least not in any deeper way.
“I fucking hate this place Eddie” you finally spoke, putting out your cigarette and leaning on his shoulder, your eyes drifting over to meet eddies brown irises. The same rich irises that you could get lost in, the same ones that made your heart skip a beat.
“I know you hate it, but someday, well run off together. We can go somewhere super far, far,away from Hawkins…with a big lake and clear skies” he said pulling you in by the waist, burrowing his face into the crook of your neck
You looked up at Eddie, confused about his specific request for the type of weather
“Why clear skies?”
“So I can see your skin glitter”
A chill went up your spine as Eddie spoke, you could feel your body heat up as you looked away
You couldn't believe your ears. Were you dreaming?
“Well That is one thing that I find very very pretty about you [name]. Also, you smell good. confusingly good”
“Eddie stop your gonna kill me” you groaned, kicking your legs in the air at eddies endearing compliments, you were gigging so much and smiling so hard that your cheeks hurt. Eddie blew a raspberry into the side of your neck, causing you to cackle even harder.
“EDDIE NO STOP HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH,” you said through gasping breaths, finally he stopped sitting you in his lap and looked up at you, still gasping for breaths from his attack prior. He grasped your hand, kissing your skin softly with his semi-chapped lips. every time he placed one you could hear the thump of your heart in your head. You could also feel it in…other parts of your body. feeling something rise inside of your pants, intruding on the tender moment you were having with Munson.
God, you fell so easily for him it was embarrassing. Eddie noticed it too, his sheepish signature grin plastering his face before messing with the zipper of your pants, fiddling his fingers slowly around it.
“Oh? Well someone's a little happy, isn't he?”
His movements made you whimper softly wrapping your arms around him
“Shouldn't we take this s-somewhere private E-Eddie?” You whispered, fingers dragging into his denim jacket as you tried to muffle your sounds with your lip
“Whatever you say, my sweetheart~”
(Happy Juneteenth!)
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Text
My dear lgbt+ kids,
I've been really into Stray Kids (the band) lately. I am listening to their songs a lot and have watched many of their music videos, performances etc. - so many that my Youtube recommendations are 100% Stray Kids-related now. If you wonder why I am telling you this, it's because I decided to turn this blog into a K-Pop Stan account.
Gender stuff is important but I'm just much more passionate about Lee Felix's deep voice right now and I hope we can embark on this new journey together... and yes, I am obviously kidding about this.
The real reason is that he got me thinking about gender stuff.
More specifically, my Youtube recommendations did. They show me a lot of fan-made videos - and a surprising amount of them center around physical touch. "10 minutes of Stray Kids being cuddlebugs", "7 minutes of Stray Kids kissing each other", things like that.
You may think "Oh, cute" or "Yikes, problematic" right now. When I look into the comments of such videos, the latter one seems to be the reaction of many people - and they have good points. It's easy to forget that band members are actual people who are co-workers in real life and that a high "fan demand" of physical contact between them may put real pressure with real consequences on them. There is also the obvious issue of ignoring cultural differences and pushing American standards on them (regarding how much and which kinds of touch are "normal" etc.).
With all that said: those videos are evidently very popular - and I don't think it's fair to dismiss it as nothing but voyeuristic stalker behavior. Their popularity is a sign that it fulfills some kind of need. Next to the comments calling these videos out, there are also plenty of people talking about how warm and happy and calm these videos make them feel. And honestly, after watching a few myself, I do see the appeal. Watching them be openly affectionate with each other is a feel-good thing - and a big part of that is probably that they are all men.
The cultural differences come in play there. The unspoken rule in my country seems to be that men do not touch each other unless it's in either a violent or an explicitly sexual context. Male friends don't hold hands or kiss or cuddle or play with each other's hair. Platonic touch between men just isn't a thing. And I am not even American - I believe it's even worse over there.
It's easy to shrug your shoulder now and think "Nobody is stopping men but their own homophobia." and yes, there are obviously the Aggressively Heterosexual Dudes™ who would rather die than have their male friend perform CPR on them because that's too gay for them - but it's oversimplifying it to say that this is the only issue. Deeply ingrained cultural structures just aren't that easy to break on an individual level, not even for men who are far from aggressively heterosexual (or far from heterosexual at all), even though society as a whole would benefit from it.
We were made for a gentle touch. That sounds unnecessarily poetic but it's true. It's one of the main ways human beings communicate. Just think about babies. You could provide them with plenty of the most nourishing food and buy them the most expensive stuff - if nobody ever touches them gently, they are not gonna grow up healthy. It may be a myth that everyone needs 8 hugs a day, individual people have individual needs, but touch is a basic human need.
And yet, society tells us to rely on one person alone to fulfill that need: a romantic partner. Being in a relationship is one of the only "acceptable" ways to fulfill it, especially for men. The possibility of a hug leading to sex somehow makes it a masculine thing. According to the unspoken cultural rules, men can even touch each other... as long as they touch to f*ck.
And that brings us back to the duality of those Stray Kids videos: If you watch a video like that and it has no commentary within itself, no fixed message on how you are supposed to interpret it, if it's genuinely just a compilation of men kissing and hugging and holding hands - how do you interpret it? Which cultural rules influence your interpretation? And if people can interpret it in ways that play directly into toxic cultural structures, does that mean these videos are merely an extension of those toxic rules - or could they be a welcome antidote? A safe space for people to experience and explore platonic male intimacy in ways that they may rarely get to in their own country?
Could they be a mixture of both?
With all my love,
Your Tumblr Dad
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beardedmrbean · 4 months
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Hey Nunya can you explain the difference differences between Yiddish and Hebrew? Is Hebrew is to Yiddish what Italian is to Latin?
Sorry, ugh why we know so little about Jewish history? It’s like it just went from ancient history to the holocaust like in one paragraph
Wait, probably because the left don’t want to admit that the Nazis had a “Eat the Rich” mindset towards the Jews. And have you notice a lot of European countries pretend they didn’t have centuries of antisemitism leading up to the holocaust?
Given the current situation with Israel and Palestine…yeah.
Yiddish is a weird combo language it's going to be indigenous to Ashkenazi Jews came to being in central Europe as a mix of Hebrew, German, some Polish, and other local languages at some point 1000 or so years ago and has refined itself over the centuries before almost being wiped out along with Jewish population of Europe in the 1940's with the Holocaust. Makin a come back though which is good.
There's a lot of high quality snarky insults in there too, there's a good wikipedia article that's going to be way more detailed and informative than I could be on the subject, not just the insults either.
I gave it a skim to make sure I wasn't giving bad info. Says it's High Germanic which that's a lot of languages in the family tree
As for their history, there's a lot they don't know either, starting with the northern kingdom of Samaria being scattered by the Babylonians, 10 lost tribes and all, there were still Samaritans after that whole thing obviously, kingdom of Judea not big fans of them as you may remember from some stories in the Jesus part of the bible. There's still a few there too, dwindling population of them in Israel.
They've been looking and trying to bring people home if they'd like to come home and their current home country will allow it too, one group that tickles me every time I think about them is the Kaifeng Jews random community in China that popped up in the records here and there, couple others in China as well. Ethiopian royal family which is not really around anymore claims descent from Solomon and the Queen of Sheba, there are Ethiopian Jews living in Israel some racism accusations that may carry water there I haven't dug.
A lot of their history for the ones that landed in Europe is fairly parallel to everyone else's history there other than the whole Pope thing, and the various pogroms where the local Christian community to our eternal shame tried to go in and wipe them out for a multitude of reasons mostly false and related to superstition and or ignorance. Check out the places that got hit by the plague the least and you'll see why ritual washing is a good thing.
Then there was that whole inquisition thing and England actually banned them from living there completely for a while, that mildly recent in the grand scheme of history.
Short short short version of Jewish history can be summed up with the traditional toast "they tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat" which is both sad and hilarious all at the same time.
The history is there though, it's just not something you're going to pick up a lot of in primary (k-12) school, same reason as a lot of things that get a glossed over treatment, there's a whole lot of it.
People are lucky the internet is a thing now, not only can you find a whole bunch of pictures of raccoons wearing different hats and outfits, the whole world of information is at our fingertips and anything we're interested in, provided it's not a national security threat, is there to be learned about.
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ueberdemnebelmeer · 3 months
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it's been a fruitful year of discoveries, rediscoveries and deeper dives into discographies i wasn't as familiar with so coming up with a trimmed-down selection was challenging but here's my own 2023 "wrapped"!
2023 RELEASES
💿 "genshin impact: millelith's watch" soundtrack disc 1 [and it has to be disc 1], hoyo-mix — i know nothing about it other than it being a video game, loove the music tho
💿 "ok. respira" + "red light (EP)", elodie — are they good? it's radio-friendly pop and EDM but do i like them? absolutely
🎵 i wanted to include paranoïa, angels, true love by christine and the queens but despite having listened to it in its entirety a bunch of times i definitely picked favourites and slightly ignored the rest? so: "tears can be so soft" + "angels crying in my bed" + "marvin descending" + "to be honest"
🎵 same hat for so!yoon!'s episode 1: love -> "in (void)" [one of thee most intros] + "smoke sprite" [give me a solo version i beg u] + "till the sun goes up" + "exit"
🎵 "de selby (part 1)", hozier
🎵 "nothing lasts forever", sevdaliza feat. grimes
🎵 "tik tak tok", silica gel feat. so!yoon!
🎵 "床 (lie)", no party for cao dong
🎵 "ghosts again", depeche mode
K-POP (and related) CORNER: "psycho", jun 🌸 "god of music" + "super" + "fire", seventeen 🌸 "the rizzness" + "guilty", taemin 🌸 "rover" + "sinner", kai 🌸 "coolAs", key 🌸 "o (circle)", onew 🌸 "10x", shinee 🌸 "nevertheless", billlie 🌸 "golden hour", mark lee 🌸 "screen time", epik high feat. hoshi 🌸 "attitude", fromis_9 🌸 "fighting", BSS feat. lee youngji 🌸 "better things" + "drama", aespa
(RE)DISCOVERED IN 2023
💿 listened to kino for the first time, fell in love! i've had the black album (кончится лето/konchitsya leto, муравейник/muraveynik & кукушка/kukushka 😘👌) on rotation lately but i have a bunch of faves you can send an ask about if you like <3
💿 delved deeper into cocteau twins' discography but i basically played "heaven or las vegas" [been waiting for a copy to drop at the local used cd stores to no avail] and this faye wong x cocteau twins playlist *a lot*
💿 also had a massive depeche mode phase in the spring; tended to stick to their 80s/90s releases and "violator" is probably their most popular album but for good reason!! do check "waiting for the night" from it + this is my tag for further track recs
💿 "bié records meets shika shika" — it's a project from two labels, one beijing-based the other argentinian, whose artists marry electronica with ambient and folk music; they matched their artists together to remix each other and this compilation is the result
💿 "raven", kelela
💿 "trececerotres (EP)", daniela lalita
🎵 "a pure person (單純的人)", lim giong — one of the best opening scenes in cinema ever! millennium mambo's soundtrack has been temporarily taken down from spotify so you have to look for it in chinese characters
🎵 "dancing elephants", rochelle jordan — specifically this performance
🎵 "yo-soul", lim kim
🎵 "spring breeze", hiperson — love love the production here
🎵 teresa teng's cover of "長崎は 今日も雨だった" (a rainy day in nagasaki)
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Hi BPP,
You must have seen the solo versus OT7 drama that’s been happening on Twitter or seen discussions relating to this on Tumblr. I’d like you to weigh in with your opinion on this.
To those fans who are new to this fandom, say post hiatus or just slightly pre hiatus, this could seem to be very toxic; although, it could be these same new fans who are pushing back 💁🏻‍��️
Ultimately, the BTS anti wins - seeing a solid fandom crumble in this manner. It seems as though some of these OT7s are Sacrificing Jimin to make a point.
I hope though that Jimin does make the sales he needs and has the impact we think he shall have and that antis don’t win at pulling him down.
***
Hi Anon,
Oh I saw it. Not on Tumblr (I’m yet to see any of those discussions here thank goodness), but definitely on Twitter.
This is one of those situations that causes me to rub my temples because it reveals stupidity everywhere, like tech bros inducing a global banking collapse-type stupid, and there’s plenty of blame to go around. But these exact sort of situations are what’s expected to happen given how the fandom has changed since 2020, and it’s why the byline of my blog references a fandom implosion. Because it’s coming. It just has to. Lol.
I referenced 2020 for a reason. This isn’t the first time the fandom has had to navigate supporting solo work. We’ve done it in 2015, 2016, and 2020, but because of how the fandom has changed since 2020, conflict and implosion is nearly guaranteed.
Many things changed in the fandom in 2020, but one major thing that happened is we had a huge influx of k-pop noobs into the fandom. We all know many of these people happened to be from Western/European countries and typically skewed female, white, and opinionated. According to that ARMY soc med survey, these people now account for roughly 50% of the fandom, and I reckon roughly the same amount found their way into solo stan and shipper spaces. Most of these people aren’t bad in any real sense, but what I’ve observed is they lack the history to have an understanding of the 2nd and 3rd order implications of certain actions within a k-pop space. This is something solo stans are notorious for, for example not understanding the 2nd order implications of sending a truck to HYBE claiming HYBE is mistreating your favourite member, or the 3rd order consequences of trending hashtags to make a point, as another example. Ordered thinking can be intuitive to some people, but to most people they need to have experienced a history that shows what happens 2 or 3 steps down the line when you’re only concerned with the immediate reward, forgetting that nothing in k-pop happens in a vacuum.
Anyway, I’ll say what I think on each player in the drama yesterday.
*
The Solo Stans
Pre-2020, solo stans would have had the sense to not even make that request to ARMYs in the first place. That was their first mistake. Those funds would have eventually made it into ARMY buying channels (because ARMYs have the widest and most efficient systems for chart placements, solo stans do not, despite their enthusiasm), but no solo stan in their right mind would blatantly publicly request ARMY participation - it would’ve moved through DMs or solos creating ARMY cosplay accounts for that purpose. Pre-2020.
You might be wondering, what’s the damage? What’s the big deal in just telling ARMYs there’s 10 grand sitting somewhere that they can request? Shouldn’t we all put aside our ego to support Jimin?
Lol.
The thing is, Solo stans are fundamentally different from ARMYs in that they view the other members as rivals that must be defeated (1). ARMYs are inclined to support any member who needs it. And so, many solo stans simply do not trust ARMYs to spend the funds only on Jimin. And they’re right to have that fear. Most ARMYs obviously would use it for Jimin and what I’ve seen is trusted ARMY buyers and funders are responsible and provide thorough accounts of their activities, but it would be stupid to ignore that hyung-line diet solos, shippers (aka taekookers), etc, would take advantage as well. PJMs were only setting themselves up for grief by doing what they did.
Another reason it was plain moronic to publicly and blatantly announce the funds available and demand ARMY partnership with solos, is that it would set the precedent for Taehyung and Jungkook solo stans during their debuts. And I promise you, $10,000 will only be the starting amount. PJMs didn’t think beyond putting that amount of money to work, forgetting that they’ve now created a situation that demands ARMY working with taekook solos to the tune of $50,000 at least (that’s the amount I recall seeing by their fanbase in 2021 earmarked for their debuts). Nobody was paying closer attention to that drama yesterday, than other akgaes and antis. There's a lot of eyes on the fandom. PJMs, bless their heart, are often just loud, uncouth, and myopic in their thinking.
Because:
At the end of the day that money isn’t going to be sitting somewhere idle. It will definitely be spent on Jimin during his debut. Solo stans of previous eras would have had the sense to privately approach ARMY buyers and use the rest of those funds (because of course most of it will be used to get Jimin’s high chart placements in the 1st week), to support the release from week 3 which is when streams/radio typically fall off, supporting the efforts from the core of the fandom, to give Jimin’s tracks more longevity, and stronger support - a better indicator for a song’s success on the charts. But the only thinking present here yesterday was to get as many 1st week buyers with those funds to make the biggest splash as possible at debut.
*
The ARMYs
As I’ve said before, too many ARMYs are just plain stupid. It’s not an insult, just the facts of the matter I’m afraid. Going by how ARMY typically operates, over the course of this week (week of the release), ARMYs would have raised well over $10,000. Obviously. It’s not something the fandom typically advertises (another key difference between ARMY and solos), but anyone who has worked within these channels would tell you a lot of money gets generated in a very short amount of time and there’s a literal army of buyers in those networks. For pre-2020 ARMYs, it would’ve been enough to say, “we’re good supporting Jimin, thanks.” And blocked the solo stans right away because they’d kick up a stink the moment you actually engaged with them and lead to the exact same situation that happened yesterday. It’s the same playbook to use with taekook shippers. But that’s not what happened, which again, is another key difference between how pre-2020 ARMYs would’ve handled this vs. newer ARMYs.
ARMYs are generally wary of working extensively with solo stans because of (1) above, as it guarantees that solos will weaponize any and all achievements to tear down the other members. As an ARMY (who could bias any member) it makes zero sense to work with anyone who literally actually wants to see another member leave the group, using any solo success over their bandmates as reasons that member should do so. A second reason is that solo stans often belong to rival fandoms a.k.a. Blinks, NCTzens, Shawols, Exols, etc. and the unfortunate reality of what goes down in k-pop fandoms is that people’s lives can get ruined over pointless shit. An Egyptian ARMY who is a dental student in Egypt, was doxxed by Blinks four days ago for saying Yoongi dances better than Jennie. She’s had her living address, family address, faculty information, and medical conditions leaked by Blinks on Twitter. And one traced the leak to providing her information for a BlackPink album giveaway last year. We can joke about how these online fights are silly but ARMYs have seen enough to have more reasons against working with solos and akgaes, than they do to work with them.
It’s frankly not really about ego. It involves money and personal information and there’s real risk here.
Now, why did I say ARMYs are stupid? Because they opened an avenue to have this discussions publicly in the first place. Nothing good comes from hashing things out on the TL (there's too many eyes on the fandom), much less an issue as nuanced as this and even more so when ARMYs had already worked with Hobi and other member funding bases before on previous releases. (But on significantly smaller amounts and not directly through the largest ARMY funding bases.)
It’s not easy to explain all that in a tweet, and I doubt a lot of newer ARMYs even understand the real issues - I suspect many of them just move in a herd and think “solos bad” without fully understanding why it’s a bad idea to approach things the way solos suggested yesterday - so those ARMYs instead used nonsensical arguments like bringing up the Hanbok issue in early 2021, that solos want to take ‘credit’, and the ARMYs who have nowhere to tuck in their insecurities as it concerns Jimin (because there are definitely ARMYs - usually hyung-line and other maknae-line biases - who are extremely sensitive to any mention of how Jimin differs from the rest) let it all hang out yesterday.
Pre-2020, ARMYs would have shut down that argument on the TL as soon as it happened (and that’s if it would’ve happened in the first place), blocking solo stans which would’ve caused (pre-2020) solos to make cosplay accounts and deal with this all in DMs. It’s easier to develop trust and hold accounts accountable (lol) one on one. That’s one way the fandom did this in 2015 with Joon’s solo, in 2016 with Jimin’s Lie and other solos, and in 2020 (although for BE, solo stans tried to sabotage that release by boycotting the album… but like I said, these sort of changes started in 2020).
*
The Exiles
I describe the Exiles as those within the fandom who think they’re not in the fandom. We’ve all seen them, in fact I suspect some of my followers are them - they’re people who constantly think the fandom makes them ‘look bad’ and so they don’t want to be associated with its label. Many of them are sympathetic to solo stan arguments though they wouldn’t call themselves solo stans and could even despise solos for the same reason they hate ARMYs. But at the end of the day, the Exiles still play a role. Because of course they do. Most of the Exiles today also joined the fandom around 2020, and many of them haven’t ever really participated fully in supporting a release, and so they don’t have a real understanding of what goes down, and why it’s a bad idea to do exactly what Jimin’s solos were publicly requesting yesterday. But these types are often very opinionated and just fanned the flames yesterday lmao. But the plus side is this group of people will end up being the bridge when D-day arrives. It’s what I saw happen with Hobi-biased people who don’t consider themselves part of ARMY, for On The Street.
The Takeaway
Consider that mess the dress rehearsal for Taehyung and Jungkook’s solo debut, and we have PJMs to thank for that. Taekook solos would have demanded ARMYs support either way, but now they have additional ammo thanks to PJMs and they’re significantly more in number than any other member’s solo stans. More vicious too. And the core of the fandom will be in worse shape by their debut in the sense that it will be more fragmented because I’m sure yesterday’s mess left a nasty dent on some more impressionable people. These kinds of things are bound to happen given the players that have become dominant in the fandom in the last three years. What I suggest is focusing on the small pockets of followers and friends within the fandom that you know and trust - whether you’re a solo stan, ARMY, or Exile. If you’ve never participated in buying/funding, ask those people questions. Get into the habit of streaming on multiple platforms, and for God’s sake learn how to resolve shit in the DMs.
Jimin will have a lot of competition on March 17th and 24th. The deck is already stacked against him. And maybe I’m weird but all that does is make me excited because whenever things are like this for Jimin, he just… he blows it all out of the water. Contrary to popular belief, most people in the fandom, whether they bias Jimin or not, actually love him. It’s impossible not to. And they will give this release everything they’ve got. I’m already seeing it happening, ARMYs just don’t advertise it publicly because all eyes, including journalists, are on the fandom. Focus on what you can control, find a group of people who love him as much as you do, and enjoy the music when it comes.
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cursedchildarc · 8 months
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ann. 20s. intj. gif maker. do not repost anything.
◊ main/k-pop blog ⁕ seonghwacore
◊ part of animangacreator
i. gif request is always open for anime that i had completed or i'm planning to watch. you can find the list here. please, be polite when you are requesting something.
ii. anonymous ask is indeed off. i am forever grateful if there are some of you who want to appreciate my works or ask some gif making tips anonymously but lately this feature has been abused to send irresponsible commentary or to state a problem that actually can be solved privately.
i encourage you to spread positive energy with your legible url, maybe we can be friends! and if i inadvertently cause any inconvenience to you, we will talk about it and solve it in private dm. the internet doesn't have to be a public court, yeah?
iii. blank blogs and reposters will immediately be blocked. if you are not bots, feel free to reach out to me and request to be unblocked.
iii. im tracking #sixeyes for anime related gifsets, gfx, and manga coloring. however, i will only reblog anime that i've watched (you can see the link in point i). any creations that aren't in graphic form and not about anime that i'd listed will be ignored.
please, do not reblog this post. thank you ❤
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olderthannetfic · 2 years
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why are radfems so fixated on kink and porn and why do they think all kink involving women is abusive? They describe kink as this horrifically violent practice that only broken, bad women who have been brainwashed by the patriarcy would get off to. they also seem to think all kink involves pain for some reason.They also actively ignore the role hardcore kinksters had and still in the fight for LGBT rights and liberation; even if they call themselves queer feminists.
Obviously mainstream porn has it flaws (a lot of them actually) but they're also against shit like self published porn of people who just like jerking off on camera.
Why is this such a common theme of their "activism"? And can anyone smarter than me dissect why they're wrong? I know that they're wrong but I find it difficult to articulate exactly why.
--
Related to previous radfem ask, but all these radfems post K-pop fancams and I have to wonder what makes exploitation through having sex on camera worse than exploitation by selling your whole body and image as an idol? Is it because it's sex it's automatically worse? And an idol is generally doing more for less than your average porn star that's for sure
It's hard to be an extremist without ending up as a hypocrite.
Radfem rhetoric prioritizes biological "reality" over individual choice. Even if a woman agrees to whatever with a man, the specter of patriarchy will always be hanging over that decision, so it wasn't really consent and of her own free will. The whole mindset is very dismissive of lust and the illogical urges we all have. And it fundamentally disagrees with kinksters' own views that they can consent to BDSM.
The whole mindset is about disrespecting others' autonomy, frankly.
And yes, the difference is that they like kpop fancams and those aren't about Sex Cooties. You're not forever tainted unless it's by sex. You'd think they'd realize they sound like fundies, but they're too stuck in the 1970s to notice.
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BMT Blog Guidelines
This blog is still primarily a BTS-focused page, but given the hiatus status and the rise in individual projects, I am in the position on readjusting some of the topics that I will approach, according to their relevance and personal interest.
I will still post about BTS content if it's available (such as Run BTS episodes, Bangtan Bombs, documentaries, etc.) and HYBE's business approach, just as before. As to the members' individual works, I reserve the right to talk about those who actually interest me. I was always open about who those people were and I maintain that position.
A small percentage of my posts could be the subject of other interests that I my have. I also welcome asks about K-Pop in general (as long as I am able to answer them), fanfiction, fashion, film related questions and others.
Asks etiquette and guidelines
1. Antagonistic messages will be deleted/blocked if they are expressed in a rude manner. Disagreements towards a topic or my own position on it are allowed, as long as the anonymous sender has the courtesy to express those thoughts respectfully and is willing to participate in what could possibly lead to a contradictory debate.
2. Bait messages will be blocked. If an ask looks more or less like this ''I heard X did this..../was seen with..../I guess Y are right...../I hope Z are happy...../What do you think?'', do not bother sending it. I will not respond to it. I urge those who believe that I can easily fall into the trap to reconsider, find other blogs and a life.
3. Shipping asks will be deleted/blocked, regardless of ANY ship. I have written on numerous occasions what constitutes actual shipping discourse in my view and I will not engage with it. My position will always be that I write about shipping at a metatextual level. It's a personal choice and also because I do not welcome an abundance of ship talk here as it usually turns into an invitation for others to send more asks.
4. As a follow-up to point 3, asks in which the sender poses as a non-shipper, only to try and ''subtly'' promote a particular ship agenda/discourse/talking points, will be automatically blocked.
5. Asks which contain shipping material in particular those which involve members that I have no interest in, will definitely be deleted and blocked if the sender is trying to act smart with me.
6. Asks which contain baseless rumors from tea/lurker accounts will be deleted/blocked. I am perfectly aware of the modus operandi of those accounts and they bore me. False information is not welcomed here and the BTS tea is mostly cold and not even lukewarm. It may be the hot stuff in this particular fandom, but not to me.
7. Asks about the fandom that do not bring anything new to the table will be deleted/ignored. Army is a community that is well established in its behavior which I have criticized countless times. This rule addresses mostly the usual twitter army nonsense that repeats itself daily.
8. Because this happens quite often, those who send asks complaining about Jimin not working and not doing whatever else the members are doing, will definitely be blocked. I have no time and patience for any of this anymore.
For now, this is it. As I always said, I welcome thought-provoking questions, regardless if they're a hot topic or not. I'm not afraid to express my opinions as sincerely as I can. And I know I have a lot of readers not only interested in these types of discussions, but also willing to participate. And as in the previous year, more fun and lighthearted topics will be approached as well, from a fan position. Otherwise, all work and no play will make this blog dull in the long run.
To those that recently followed this blog while I was on break, welcome! I hope you enjoy your stay. And to those that may have left, adieu!
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*This post is open to be modified or for more information to be added. Please check it from time to time. It will also be pinned so everyone can see it at all times.
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shzmluvrs · 10 months
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K so hi can u do a little Halloween one where yn an Freddy r at home watching scary movies bc Freddy can’t rly go trick or treating an after there done yn can’t sleep bc the movies scared her to much (or u could also do it with Freddy waking up bc he heard yn scream a little from like a nightmare or smt idk) an freddy stays up with her an they spend all night cuddling an talking about nerdy stuff idk if it’s to boring of an idea for u but it makes me squeal thinking about an I can’t write for Shit soooooo pls <3
Well, I can write for shit, so I'm gonna make your dreams come true, bestie😼✌🏽. Also, this is a cute plot, so I'm excited, and I hope you are, too, because you deserve to be happy and have some good cooked soup🤌🏽 (aka, good written fanfiction).
~ Star✨️
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Wake Up (No Break Up)
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Prompt: You love horror movies! Just... not at night. Or in the dark. Or by yourself. And no blood, guts, and/or screaming. And no slasher, paranormal, or psychological. And especially not on Halloween night.
Do...you even really like horror movies, or...?
Timeline: Post S!:FOTG
TW/Content: Mentions of gore/horror/stuff relating⚡️Freddy and reader (you) being extra reassuring🫶🏽⚡️Billy being a bitch and a half (not really, bro only pops up, like...twice)
Reader: Fem! She/Her/Hers Pronouns!
Requested By: Anon
Back to Master List
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Freddy peered into his pillow case with a look of disdain smeared across his features, ignoring your buzzed rants and raves while you unlocked the front door to his home with his house key. It wasn't that he meant to, of course. Turning a deaf ear to the music that was your voice was never a controlled option, his annoyance all but getting the best of him and clouding his mind.
Again, not directed towards you.
He followed you into the house with a silence you found odd. It ceased your gossip, pocketing his keys into your own pillowcase of candy for quick safekeeping before giving the boy your full attention. He watched the blue lanyard connected to them follow, his brows knitting and a pout evident that finally pulled words of concern from your throat.
"What's wrong? Is everything okay?"
"How much candy did you get?" He asked almost too quickly, throwing you off for a moment before the words finally clicked in your head.
"Oh! Um, I dunno'..." You trailed, prying your makeshift bag back open to inspect. You gave it a little shake, smiling to yourself upon seeing some of your favorite treats mixed in with the neutrals and the disliked. Even a couple of loose trinkets, some adults known throughout the neighborhood to give out small toys along with or rather than candy.
"I got-"
"Not a lot." He cut, having already eyeballed the weight of your bag to resemble his own. You shrugged at this, hardly fazed by the realization while his brown eyes continued to find interest in his shoes.
"Did... you want some of mine?" You asked, unclear of the situation suddenly presenting itself.
"No."
His answer was short, curt. Very unlike the Freddy Freeman you knew, although you loved all sides of him regardless. Even this one, a side you knew to show the very most love to. Because when he got like this, it was usually because-
"We could've gone to more houses, y'know. You and I both could've spent more time out and gotten more candy an' stuff if I didn't-... if my leg wasn't... I dunno', it's stupid."
There it is.
"Freddy..." You spoke his name with a tone of sincerity, completely dropping your bag to the floor and coming closer to your dwelling boyfriend.
"It's not stupid." You reassured. "And, I mean... yeah, we could've. But we also would've been cold, and our feet would start hurting really bad, and we'd have to keep listening to Darla scream at literally everything. And also, we'd get so far away that the walk all the way back would be horrendous. Plus, our bags would've gotten so heavy that we'd be so over it. And-"
"Yeah, but that's basically Halloween tradition!" Freddy boasted. "You didn't even really trick-or-treat if all of those haven't happened. And we didn't, just because Rosa wanted to be sure that I didn't, 'Over exert myself', whatever that means."
The boy huffed, turning away even further. It was quiet, and yet you knew he still had more to say, paitently waiting until he did so.
"We couldn't even stay out long like any other person normally does, and I had to drag you with me back home just because of this stupid crutch, and sit here, and do nothing. With barely any candy."
"Freddy-"
"And I know we could just get some from the store and yeah, I know you're probably gonna just tell me that it's okay and you don't mind, but I do, y'know?" He ranted on with a fast pace, indicating he was now onto the bit where he was beginning to overthink.
"But is it really okay? I mean, if I were you, I definitely would've wanted to stay out longer, like...- Plus, don't you think it's kind of weird how they make the candy half-price after Halloween? Like, we're already getting it for free the night of. We'll, most of us, which is why it makes me think about all of the other kids who get little to none. Like, what about them? Don't they deserve free candy, too? And-!"
"-Freddy!"
"My love."
You couldn't help but giggle, both at his tangent and his sudden pet name, before pulling yourself together enough to give him the reassurance he both needed and deserved.
"It's okay." You placed two firm hands in each of his shoulders, looking into his brown eyes with intense sincerity. You repeated your words, ensuring that they went forced into his head in order to wipe away any forms of guilt, doubt, and insecurity.
"It's okay. You know I don't care about the candy. I care about you, and spending time with you no matter what we're doing is what I enjoy. Your leg... don't let it make you think of yourself so bitterly. It doesn't change who you are as a person, and it never will unless you let it."
Freddy inahled as though her were going to speak, his bottom lip hanging open in the slightest before engulfing you into a much needed hug. Squeezing your frame against his chest while he exhaled into the crook of your neck, opting for a soft and simple, "Thank you..." instead.
"It won't be all bad." You whispered against his temple, the boy eagerly perking up to hear your suggestions. You smiled when he did, the giddy expression on his face practically urging you to cup it in your hands (you did so without second thought).
"I'm here with you."
"My beautiful bodacious babe."
"Exactly." You giggled at his wording. "And I think we have enough candy regardless of how you wanted your pillow case filled up to the open seams."
"D'ya think I'd look better with dentures or silver teeth?"
"Harhar, you and your inevitable cavities are very funny."
He chuckled to himself in amusement.
"All I'm saying is, is that we can still have fun on our own."
With a genuine contemplation to your words and a wide glance around the downstairs area, he gave a decided nod before moving around the room, collecting as many pillows and blankets and other soft things into his arms as possible.
"You're right, actually. My room is never free, Billy is always in there. But since he's not right now, we can make the biggest fort to ever fort literally ever."
A snort left the back of your throat at his words, but a fort did sound nice. A little cozy area to spend your time together, eating away at your collected Halloween candy and other snacks. Maybe some music playing in the background or binge watching a TV show. Gossiping... sharing a few kisses... touches...
"That's the spirit." You encouraged, gathering some supplies yourself before following your boyfriend up the stairs.
And it wasn't long before talk of Freddy's dream fort had come to life, the whole room covered in blankets and oddly placed furniture to hold them up while the two of you carefully crawled inside.
"What're you doing?" You laughed unsurely, watching Freddy slap a random pillow as hard as he could before explaining himself.
"This bad boy can hold so many Freddy and (Y/N)'s."
You quirked a brow to keep yourself from chuckling even harder.
"Really, dude..."
"Well, I can't slap the top. It'll all crash down." Was his clarification. Not one suitable to your sarcasm, but one nonetheless. Plus, as usual, it was his quick wit that made you laugh adoringly, snuggling as close to him as possible in the dimmed darkness of the area.
"So, what now?" He asked, already sucking on a cherry flavored lollipop. "I challenge thee to spill your ideas of fun."
"Welll..." You trailed in a hard-to-miss, sultry tone, your finger running up and down his chest just the same.
"We're here together... all alone... in the dark..." You reiterated the obvious, pretending to think for a moment before letting out a long, theatrical sigh. "And you know, I've always loved your amazing kisses..."
You couldn't have been anymore patent if you tried, just barely ghosting your lips over his in hopes to taste the tiniest bit of cherry before his lips curled into a seemingly knowing grin.
"I think I know what you're gettin' at..." He teased back, leaving you eager and pleased to know Freddy had caught all of your perfectly dropped hints.
"Three words."
'We should makeout.'
"Horror movie marathon."
"...wha...?" Your brows knitted together instantly, his words not at all in tune with your (apparently wrong) predicted thoughts as you began to pout.
"I can't believe I didn't think about it before, I mean, it's literally Halloween. Oo...Halloween..."
He sat himself up and gingerly pulled his laptop closer, setting it on top of a pillow and queuing up some random website. Natrually, one where he'd pirate whatever movie and/or show that he wanted and was quick to find the entirety of the "Halloween" franchise.
"Or-or...!" He gushed further, already typing in another series into the search bar section. "If you're more of a paranormal chick, we could do "The Conjuring" universe. But then, like... there's also "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"- Nevermind, whatever, you should pick."
Upon promptly turning to face you, he was taken aback by your pushed out lip and inattentive gaze, (E/C) eyes focused on the blankets beneath you.
"Or maybe you're a "Get Out", "Antebellum", "Nope", type of girl..."
"Is none of them an option...?" He barely registered your downcast mumbles, bringing the laptop a tad bit closer so that he had a clear view of your face under the light before providing comforting (almost obnoxious) cooes.
"Why the pout~? Stop that. It's cute, but it's also-... staawwwp~...! What's the matter~...?"
You had trouble fabricating a proper answer. Regardless of the fact that some of your disappointment lied in the fact that Freddy hadn't caught onto your advances, admitting to him that you weren't the biggest fan of horror movies wasn't something you were too keen on doing either.
Sure, you enjoyed a zombie show or maybe some "Paranormal Activity" as much as the next person. But only during the day. You had sworn yourself off of anything scary during the nighttime because it was the obvious recipe for nightmares. And even then, you wouldn't be caught dead finishing "Signs" or literally anything found-footage troped without putting on cartoons immediately afterward in order to "flush out" the negative energy.
You were too jumpy for your own good, too swift to overthink and allow your brain to warp your surroundings. October 31st or not, horror movies four hours straight in the dead of night was a no-go.
"Why don't we just...watch "Ghostbusters" instead? The little tune is catchy!"
You even went as far as to sing it, making quiet little, "Do-dodo-do-do, do, doo!"'s to yourself with in-sync head bops to go with, Freddy giggling at your antics.
"You're so funny, (Y/N)-darling. See, this is why I married you." He hummed fondly, nonchalantly typing "The Nun" into the searchbar. It has seemed he had settled for "The Conjuring" universe, but for the moment, that wasn't your biggest focus.
"Married?" You questioned with a confused laugh of your own. "We're not married, you dork, what are you talking about?"
"We will be." He stated matter-of-factly, whipping his head around just to give you an intense and stoic stare that further tickled you.
"Ominous, but okay." You retorted happily, moving closer in hopes that he'd at least catch your signals for cuddles. Luckily, he did, wrapping one arm around your waist and the other across your shoulders as you swaddled yourself further into his embrace and a blanket. With your gazes fixated on the first movie, you knew it was time to accept your fate.
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It wasn't long before you had made it to "Annabelle". So far, you had found yourself doing pretty well, not at all paranoid like you thought you'd be. Like you normally were. You chalked this up to more than likely being because of Freddy's presence, his lazy hold putting you at ease with a sloppy kiss pressed to your cheek or temple every so often. Or his words distracting you entirely, the boy rambling on about some weird factoid he knew or how he swore up and down that, "That one girl in "Annabelle: Creation" looks way too much like Mary."
The only thing that had scared you so far was the sudden jolt Freddy did at an unexpected jumpscare onscreen, your head perking up in confusion only to meet the embarrassed chuckle coming from the back of Freddy's throat.
"Did that really get you?" You asked with a laugh of your own, quickly understanding the reason for both his sudden movement and the way he could barely hold eye contact with you.
"Stop it..." He hummed, already anticipating your light teases. With you poking and at his chest and sides, you simply just couldn't help it.
"You're my boyfriend, Freddy, you're supposed to be the one protecting me!"
"I-!"
"Do you need me to hold your hand so you're not scared anymore~?"
"(Y/NNNN)...!" He elongated the last syllable of your name as if to sigh, but still couldn't cease the giggles that left him at your baby talk. "That's not funny, you're not funny, stop it."
When you continued to stare with a suspicious brow arched high, he huffed.
"Yeah-Okay, well, you know what? Don't think I don't see you gripping onto that pillow like your life depends on it."
And just like that, you were poker-faced. You didn't think he'd notice, really only ever squeezing the pillow when you anticipated the next scare. But it had eventually grown into a constant hold. One so tight that your knuckles had lifted a shade until you finally released in order to deliver a playful slap to his chest.
"Well, unlike you, this pillow is being much more comforting."
With that, you completely turned yourself away from the boy, hugging the pillow closer than you had ever been Freddy. Natrually, he scoffed, slack-jawed at such a claim coming from you.
"You are so dramatic." He sassed, returning the same playful slap you had given earlier to your thigh. "C'mere."
When all he received was a doe-eyed stare, he was quick to pull you back over himself, making it so that you had no choice but to straddle him to be comfortable. And finally, that's when he caught the hint. You weren't dropping any on purpose this time (ironically enough), but your lowered eyelids and fingers gently twirling around the hair at the nape of his neck was where and when it finally clicked.
"C'mere..." He teased one last time, pulling your lips towards his by the chin. You melted into his touch, his kiss, with ease. Though your words may have had a joking cadence earlier, you completely meant it when you said Freddy's kisses were amazing. His lips always seemed to be so soft, the boy never minding it anymore when your chapstick or lip gloss would get all over them. He simply left it, the taste he'd lick at later reminding him of yours.
With the movie still playing in the background, the dark ambience provided the perfect mood lighting for things to continue. Growing more heated, his kisses left your lips and began to trail along your jaw, your eyes fluttering shut as you hummed in satisfaction the lower he went. He nipped at your earlobe, causing you to giggle lightly as he whispered even more yet unexpected gratitude.
"Thank you..."
"For what?" You questioned, your voice light and airy and your brain foggy, swept away with love. Or maybe lust. A palpable mixture of the two while he answered fondly.
"For staying up with me tonight. For staying with me at all, ever."
"Always." You murmured, petting his curls while he pushed his face into the crook of your neck. It wasn't long before he was dusting light kisses anywhere his lips could touch, your eyes opening up just a bit to peer at the computer screen. The movie was still going (no reason for it not to be), and you could sense another scare was abound. But alas, you remained distracted yet again, Freddy's ghost kisses slowly morphing into that of actual ones. Which quickly escalated to playful nips and licks.
"Stop it, you're gonna leave a mark." You whined, pouting near his ear as he chuckled.
"That's the goal."
But he never actually completed it. Or, he might've...
You weren't exactly sure, his mouth having been latched to that sweet spot on your neck for quite some time now. Surely, a hickey had long been already placed there, but it was once you actually took notice of the slow rise and fall of his breathing, you realized he had fallen asleep.
Mid-hickey.
"Are you shitting me..." You huffed, your bitter words barely even a question realizing that you were now on your own for the next few movies that continued to autoplay. You didn't have the heart to stop them, knowing you'd wake Freddy, and he'd pitch a fit of some sort.
"Hey, why'd you turn it off? That was a good movie, you can't just cut it off in the middle like that!"
"No, stop it, I was watching that...!"
"(Y/N), we didn't even get to finish it! Why didn't you just wake me up?"
Yeah, yeah, whatever. All excuses you had heard a thousand times before, the boy never one to admit he's a deep sleeper. Plus, it'd further push the notion that you were indeed scared. Well, you weren't before, but the longer your gaze remained fixated on the plot and sound, the more your anxiousness grew. Your simple thoughts and wonders transpiring into more paranoia.
"Ahem..." and other miscellaneous coughing noises left your throat. It was a purposeful attempt to "accidentally" wake Freddy up. It was in hopes that you really, truly wouldn't have to suffer through this alone, as dramatic as that seemed. But the plot of the movie was thickening, and the scares were growing more intense. Almost hard to watch, and yet, you couldn't look away. Even when you really wanted to, those moments stifled by Freddy's slumped figure against you, holding you in place. Hell, you had practically buried yourself in the fluff of his curls as much as you could.
But it wasn't enough, and neither were your half-assed attempts to wake him through noise. So, your next best option was to fight to ignore the movie entirely. Completely tearing your eyes away from the screen, you scanned your surroundings for your phone.
You were lucky to see that you had placed it within reach, carefully going for it and turning down the brightness just enough so that you wouldn't go blind...
─────────────────────
Billygoat💀
Yo when are u coming home😃?
Why is something up?
No just curious
Oh
Idk, we'll be home when we get there, ig
─────────────────────
You huffed, rolling your eyes at the lackluster response. Didn't this boy understand that this was a matter of particular emergency?
─────────────────────
Billygoat💀
Gee, Billy. Thx for the insightful and helpful info
I'll be sure to consider that when I'm looking at the clock😐
😐
Did you want something or are you just distracting me from getting more candy rn, cuz...
I'm tryna get more than Eugene and I can't be texting you at every house
Fine k bye
Seen
─────────────────────
Well, that was a bust. If a conversation couldn't be had, your best bet was to rely on other social media. Although Instagram has been pretty dry lately, so it wasn't long before you had gotten bored of your feed and clicked the home button.
TikTok was always a good choice, though! You couldn't count how many times you had sat and scrolled on that app for... much longer than one should. But you quickly found it wasn't as entertaining when you couldn't even turn the volume up to hear anything.
Pinterest had become your last hope, saving a few pictures to your organized boards every so often as you scrolled through the different sections. But even that grew boring, and again, wasn't much help to keep you from listening to the horror going on in the movie. You didn't want to click your phone off, letting the darkness consume you once more. But to sit there with it on while not even using it seemed silly, so with reluctance, you clicked the side button and let it drop back to your side.
As much as you forced yourself to remember that it was all fake... just actors in costume and makeup; just musicians and soundboard creating the melodic effects; just CGI and scripts being read off of a paper... it didn't stop the feeling of being watched slowly crawling up your spine. Your arms littered with goosebumps, and- !!
You forced yourself to calm, even if it didn't work all that well. It was just the house settling. A sound easily mistakable for someone inside going bump in the night. But it was just you two. Just you, Freddy, and an old house. That's all.
And still, your eyes couldn't help but wander around anyway. The fort, every single blanket, pillow, and whatever else in its place casting odd looking shadows that seemed to warp and grow the longer you looked. And the worst of it all, the small entrance, a blanket for a door lazily draped over the opening that wasn't quite closed off. You could peer right through the tiny space, which granted you access to see right outside the open door into pitch-black nothingness.
'It's just the hallway.' You reminded yourself. 'You've been here hundreds of times; you know exactly what it looks like, (Y/N). There's just pictures and shelves, and the rug, and the doors to everyone else's rooms... it's just the hallway.'
You wished nothing more for than to be able to close that little bit of the blanket. But your jitters stopped you, barely even wanting to move, not that you really could with Freddy still holding you against him like you were a stress ball or a stuffed animal. A stress animal.
!!! "Fuck..." You whispered, this time having jumped at both a scare from the movie and the coincidential timing of Freddy's crutch tipping over on its own. Reasonably, it just fell over. Like any other crutch, it wasn't made to stand on its own and at one point or another, was going to lose its balance and drop from its leaned position on the side of Freddy's bunk bed.
But you were jumpy, adrenaline feuled, and oversuspicious. You were not thinking reasonably.
"Freddy, what was that..?!" You whisper-shouted, rapidly tapping at his shoulder until he stirred. Not fully awake, a staggered and voice-cracked, "Hmgh?" leaving him before he was already beginning to let sleep take him again.
"Dude, Freddy..." You trailed, tapping him some more which swiftly turned into gentle shakes. "Please wake up, I don't wanna be awake by myself."
"Then go t'sleep." He mumbled without second thought, barely conscious, which you couldn't really blame him for. But still, the fact that he didn't budge made you guilty. Waking him up over something that was probably nothing wasn't really fair. Not to mention, he was right, in a way.
"Move." You commanded, sinking yourself further so that you could lay against him rather than sit. With all of the previously mentioned factors in mind, maybe sleep was just what you needed.
You couldn't be scared if you weren't even conscious.
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Your restlessness proved otherwise, twists and turns slowly shaking Freddy awake until he had enough. Gently holding you from being able to tossle about, his eyes gently peeled open just to squint harshly at the light of his still-running laptop. He couldn't gauge what movie was playing next, but a short and small whine pulled away his attention from the screen and onto you. He smiled softly to himself, grazing over every single feature he could make out on your face.
Your brows, which were kintted together in your sleep before dropping down to your eyelashes. He had to resist from curling over them with knuckle of his index finger, instead watching as your eyes seemed to move about under your closed lids. It made him wonder what you were seeing in your dreams, and why it caused you to pout your lips and wiggle about in what looked like distress.
"Hey..." Freddy hummed as softly as he could, brushing hair out of your face in hopes to coax you awake as gently as possible.
"(Y/N), wake up."
This continued for a couple of short minutes, him cooing your name and you seeming to both fight sleep and your dream at the same time. A battle you were loosing, which only caused you to huff and hum some more. It led the boy to believe that it couldn't have been a good dream you were having. A nightmare, even. And anyone with a working brain could only assume why.
"(Y/N), wake up. You're just having a nightmare, 'kay? I'm guessing sleeping with horror movies playing in the background has gotta be some sort of fucked up subliminal for your brain, huh?"
He was more or less talking to himself at this point, only growing fully serious when small tears managed to ease their way from your closed eyes and down your cheeks. Crying was the ultimate no-go for one Freddy Freeman, your tears damn near a trigger for him with the way he responded.
"Hey-hey-hey, no, don't cry. (Y/N), wake up, wake up..."
And with a couple more eager shakes, you jolted up, nearly hitting your head against the "roof" and taking the whole fort down with you before Freddy stopped you. Your breathing was shallow, shaky, as you struggled to take in your surroundings and collect any proper thoughts together.
"Oh my gosh..." You sighed, having hardly any remembrance of the actual nightmare. All you had left was the feeling it parted you with, your heart pounding out of your chest and jumping slightly once more when you felt a hand slip into your own.
"Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?"
"Oh..." Was all you could say, squeezing at his hand while attempting to form proper words. "I-... It... I'm sorry, I was just scared. I didn't mean to wake you. Well, I mean, I did try to earlier, but before I fell asleep. But-"
"(N/N)," He sighed, using a nickname in further attempts to bring you comfort. "You don't have to apologize, it's okay. Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to watch something else?"
"'Cause I just wanted to spend time with you." You admitted with ease. "Make you happy, y'know?"
"Wh- No, I am happy. I'm super happy, I'm always happy when I'm with you. Like you said when we first got home, it doesn't really matter what we do."
"Just as long as we're together." You finished, nodding to yourself.
"Exactly. But, minus the sappy shit... you were actually scared...?"
You narrowed your eyes at his snort, Freddy continuing on as if you wouldn't slap him at any given moment.
"I knew it, I knew it! Nobody who's normal death grips a pillow for no reason, you little liar~!"
"You were scared, too!!" You shouted a little louder than intended, shoving him lightly. "You jumped like ten feet in the air when we were watching "The Nun"."
"That's not fair. You know the religious horror stuff always gets me!" He laughed wildly, nudging you back as he went on. "Did you know that when they were filming, some of the cast members actually experienced real freaky-deaky shit?"
"No, but I do know that the girl from that movie is Vera Farmiga's sister." You stated matter-of-factly, Freddy's eyes going wide before turning to the screen. One of "The Conjuruing" movies, neither of you knew which, was playing and there the woman was, co-starring with Patrick Wilson.
"No way, oh my god...! I thought she looked familiar, but I didnt-! She has a sister?!"
You giggled at his passion, forgetting all about your worries and your scares while you two gossiped and ranted for as long as you could stay awake. Every fact branching off into more conversation until you two layer sprawled out in your fort, wrappers and bags everywhere while huddled in each other's arms. A perfect way to end the Halloween night, or any night, for that matter.
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Bonus Ending (bc I like to spoil my readers🤭😼):
The light of the early morning sun blared through the window, neither of you two affected by its rays due to the comfort and darkness of your cave-like fort. A peaceful slumber had taken over the both of you, blissfully unaware of the chaos about to strike.
"Aah..."
"Whfmgh...! Wha'the fuck, dude...?!"
While your "scream" was barely that (more of a monotonous noise drenched in tiredness), Freddy was quick to react with slurred words to the sudden beams of light and wrecking of your guy's structure with wild movements. It was then replaced by a glare towards his brother, Billy staring down back at them with the same expression.
"I'm taking my blanket back. I was cold all night and could barely even make it to my bed because of... whatever this is, in my way."
"Bro, you just destroyed-!"
"-I don't care. Use your own shit next time."
You couldn't help but push your face further into the pillow. You tried your hardest to will yourself back to sleep, even if you were unable to help but smile at the amount of sass going on in the room. From two teenage boys, no less. But then again, what did you expect?
"Okay, so actually, you weren't even here when we used your stuff, so it was free game."
"What, am I supposed to call dibs on my own blanket, now?"
"What are you, five?" Was Freddy's quick-witted retort, pitching his voice up high to mimic that of a whiney baby. "Oh, woe is me, I'm Biwwy Batswon, and I can't sweep withouwt my bwankie, wah-wah-wah!"
The brunette's glare worsened, Freddy slightly feeling the pressure of this and going quiet for a mere, peaceful, four seconds while Billy spoke.
"...You're only acting like this 'cause she's here. And as soon as she's gone, I'm beating you with your own pillow."
You snorted, having yet to lift your face from the pillow nor choosing a side to the argument.
"Yeah, well, you wanna know who wasn't here? You! Or anyone else while I was stuck here! Lonely, all by myself with my girlfriend and way less candy than you, so you should consider yourself lucky that yo-"
"-Fine, you know what...?!" Billy interjected, moving across the room with an eerie silence that caused you to finally pop your head up and peer through your messy bed-head hair.
"Take it all, I don't give a shit...!!"
And with that, Billy practically launched his giant pillow case of candy in the direction of you two, suckers and gummies and whatever else flying everywhere while most others pelted the two of you like hail.
Natrually, you both screamed.
And, for legal purposes, it all ended in harmless laughter🫶🏽.
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I miss Halloween, bruh, even tho the vibes have been kinda lackluster for it the past few years🥴.
~ Star✨️
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