#ik im late with this but im still yelling and Having My Feelings Hurt

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

I didn't think I'd really need to come back here after everything. It's so stupid. My dad has given me my own weed and it is way stronger than the pills. So many different ways it affects me. But I've been mostly sober since the attempt that started all this. Ig partially out of respect.. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to my parents if I continue my junkie ways after they had to listen to me scream and yell about how I felt trapped and then when things open up, boom still doing it

I dunno if that makes sense tbh.. lemme know ik I suck at explaining things correctly.

Anyway I've been sober 99% of the time since. I kinda don't like smoking as much now. It made my teeth hurt and I hallucinate when I get high. It's nothing crazy no where near as vivid the dph hallucinations get ofc. Tho it still scares me so bad. It can range anywhere to a few small & constant noises that makes everything hard to hear unless I'm focusing to hallucinations that put me in a state of delusion. I get so scared about ts I can't move. 9 times out of 10 I get this weird feeling someone or something is there and if I make a sound they'll come up to me. Those are the worst feeling ones dude I know there's no reason for me to assume anything is there but I just stiff up and cry as quietly as I can until I can work up the courage to check if they're "still there"

I used to do that when I was coming down from benadryl actually. I'd be too forgetful to be scared of anything like that mid high but all hell broke once it was wearing off

It makes me so annoyed. It makes me wonder if that's something I'll just have to deal with from here on or should I just stay sober from here on and hope for the best. It all makes me miss the pills so fucking bad. I was taking those for so long and it just felt like I knew pretty much anyway they'd effect me atp. It was straightforward

Dph made my heartbeat harder -> also made my heart sore when I'm not on it

The pills dehydrated me -> annnd if I took it too far, I'd go acidic and jaundice (which im ngl happened way more often than I wanted to admit.. when I tried to od again in December I was quite literally neon!)

Taking so many at once making my stomach have to dissolve anywhere from four to high twenties worth of pills at a time -> which led my stomach to get irritated and eager to get that shit out and made various issues there

But now? What. I don't even have anyway to measure so it's just a thing of.. o guess it kicked in, ig I can't hear rn. Oop dang ig I got too high now I physically have to focus on not freaking out over something that is not fucking happening. Oh what ig these stupid fucking edibles make my head hurt instead of making me high. Fun!!

I'm so over this shit. Im trying so hard to stay away. I didn't like dph after a while. You can scroll back and see so many things I hated about it. And yet I think about it every single day. I miss it so much. I used to be able to take a few pills and then poof blank out for a little while. As long as I took care after the fact, I'd be mostly fine. But now I have to deal with the unpredictability of my own mind or whatever nonsense I have to feel when I smoke/eat edibles

R has been really bumpy for me too. I don't know why like.. I've really been happy about our friendship lately. I feel like seeing how fucked up I had to be to my parents to make them listen gave me a new appreciation for her. I haven't blown up at her in a while but omfg I've done it a lot throughout our time together. Tho, she's still here for me. Nothing really changed. And I love her for that. I'm really just a random person online fr. At any point she could just decide she's fed up with me and ghost. But she endured my nonsense and still pushed me to look at things different. I never know how to bring that up without sounding like it's a romantic thing

Which has been eating at me so bad as of late. I don't know what th I feel towards her. If im still in love I wouldn't be shocked but it feels different from how I felt before the whole blowup a lil bit after she broke up with her ex. She's my safe space but she is also kinda fucked up to me sometimes. But I really can't help myself. I still worry about her all the time, I genuinely try to know everything and anything going on with her wherever possible, and I let so much go unspoken not blowing up and trying to keep her perspective in mind where I can.. I want her to not have to worry sm I hate that my presence has become a double edged sword. I love her so much it's become overbearing and hard to hide. I know it makes her feel pressure to hide stuff to keep up appearances/impressions. Shit sucks. It makes me feel like I'm in a parent's position atp..

Tho all that being said I feel like she still interprets my actions as some elaborate way to make her like me. Or me tryna be nice so that she falls in love with me. Some shit. And ik that sounds so paranoid and baseless but its been a pattern atp.

Everytime I get cheery and tryna treat her like ya know, my best friend, its like she takes that shit diff and mentions her ex as a way to tell me to back off. And I don't get it. Like no dummy I'm not excitedly talking about shit to lure you in YOU ARE MY FRIEND. MY CLOSESTTT. I know that she won't judge me for me and since she knows me so well, I rarely have to give too much of a backstory to talk about anything. It's nice. And I guess I abuse that privilege a lot. Maybe I should be better about not running to her about everything. But then like me being concerned and interested about what she's up to makes her do it as well. She briefly got with someone else (they've already broken up she ain't getting a codename 🥴) and I noticed her using her for that purpose too for a bit. Well. Before she got annoyed with her existence lolol

But yeah anyway like.. has that pattern already been there and I haven't noticed? Am I overthinking this action too hard and twisting it? It's frustrating me so bad cause I don't get why she interprets it like that. Am I just so oblivious I don't see how obviously in love I am and she's tryna push me out of that...? Or is she being self destructive and can't view my love as anything but manipulation.

Confessing to her has become one of my biggest regrets. It changed so much I hate myself for believing I was in lala land. Stupid fucking girl. All I could see was how much I liked talking wth her and it just slipped out. I didn't realize just how many fucking consequences it'd bring after the fact. I feel like im constantly dancing around shit. I wish I never said anything. Im so tired of having to study my every action to make sure I don't seem too eager to speak. I forget it happened some days but it feels like that's all she sees me as. I don't understand what to do atp. I don't want to lose her, we are completely ride or die aside from this. But my GOD I CANT TAKE IT. I feel like it's become such a giant elephant and it's going to rift everything once it's brought up. I don't want to piss her off and lose her for good

Between her and my ex.. I lowkey think I'm done with the whole romance thing this feeling is the absolute worst. Any time I express that myself in that way I come out of it feeling so stupid. It stings so much worse this time around. Least with my ex even though the shit only lasted a few months IT HAPPENED. I feel crazy feeling this exact same stupid feeling with someone I haven't even dated before. And for me to feel WORSE.. HOW?? I've avoided dating specifically so I wouldn't feel this way and then I stumbled and did the shit AGAIN! Let myself fall into even deeper feelings with someone that didn't even like me. Again. And I'm stinging worse than I ever was before. Crazy. I hope I never like anyone again.

I've been feeling blank as of late. Even with my family life improving and my health improving I still feel empty. The same I did before. It feels like now I'm performing a different role, but still feel the same. It felt so good to have everything in the open and finally dropping dph for good (probably) originally. But I really feel no better now that the dust has settled. Everything just shifted some

I try to be more open and honest about myself and what I feel but the central issues I don't know how to express. It feels unfair to air that shit out to R, my family or any of my friends since I know I won't believe them. It's so easy to say the right thing. So easy to assure me you love me. You care. But do you mean it? Or are you saying it because that's what you're "expected" to say and do? I dont trust a word out any of their mouths when it comes to shit like that. Looking at their unconscious actions and how and what they say feels like the most honest view of their thoughts. And a whole lot of that made me feel the way I feel. What's words going to fix when I can physically SEEE AND HEAR all the shit proving otherwise replaying in my head? Why listen to you try to cover your own ass when the evidence is already there? We both see the cards on the table. There's no point trying to sway me into looking at them different.

But I feel bad not being able to shake that sense. I know part of my thinking is irrational. It's fucked up I can't listen and change my view. It's like theyre speaking to a brick wall. It's almost like they can never fuck up since I can't let ts go once I've noticed it. I try to keep myself together because of that. I hate the grandiose acting I have to do to get through the day

I won't lie. I really sit there and wish I would've died that day. It's like ever since that last time ever since I got all my ducks in a row and decided I'm okay with no taking part in life, it suddenly made everything feel tedioussss. It gets on my nerves so bad I've been so angry. I wish I would've just kept my mouth shut and let things finally crumble down on its own so I could be left to pop pills til I either got it right and ended myself or guzzle em until I fucked myself up so bad I'd die without my intervention 💀💀

None of this seems to be worth it and I'm kinda over it. I made my decision. It fucking sucks that I'm still being forced along this stupid junk when I already decided it was all worthless. I wish I could hide away and just stop participating in society. Never talk again. Never play another game. Never spend a single cent. Just total isolation. I wish all the games I play were single player so no one would think to chat with me while we're playing. I wish the world was filled with robots so that I could go in and out of a store without thinking bout if the employees are thinking I'm stealing or wondering if anyone thinks I look as cool as I think I look

I wish it were just a lil bubble just for me. Go into a store, grab what I want, walk out. Dress up anywhere and take 10000 pictures that no one'll see. But idc cause i look so prettyyy and I like seeing myself in all my cute lil outfits. Eat what I want and how weirdly I want without people looking at me crazy. I swear it's all doable but it all feels like I'd have to completely ignore the outside world for me to be happy. Even shit like having to say good morning to my parents or thank you to someone holding the door open for me pisses me off. When I'm not in the mood for speaking, I aint in the mood for any and all speaking no matter how small. And lately uh it's been all I feeling

I don't know why I don't feel the motivation to try to kill myself again. Ig I don't even care enough to atp. I've been so over it now. I've been feeling kinda apathetic to everything to a degree. Not that it hasn't been nice to have clarity on everything. But I don't care to fix any of it anymore. I was done that day i tried to kill myself you know? Being here still didn't really change anything in my perspective. If I had a button right in front of me that'd instantly end me 100% guaranteed I'd put on a nice lil outfit then push that shit with a swiftness

I'd be shocked if don't end up relapsing atp. I'm tired of thinking

#dph addiction #dph #benadryl #diphenhydramine #vent #excessively long

[momokiiicos]

fuck. oh god i just finished watching VP ep 11 (yea im late ik) and im still REELING from it holy shit this might be the biggest roller coaster of any content i've ever been on

i literally cannot make head or tails of whatever the fuck emotions im feeling rn. this episode is like im staring in horror (in a good way) as it unfolds, unable to even breathe

first off. YOUNG GUIL??? LOOKS SO DAMN GOOD ??? ngl thats my fav guil look, no wonder saga fell head over heels for him. also the moment i realized the dude is young saga asdjfhsdk. and i mean like we been knew why saga is stuck over guil but man, that's rough buddy.

fr tho, ive been saying saga needs to get his shit fixed with the "i belong to no one" thing while everyone knows he's still pissed about guil, like man its ok if ur still not over guil yet but dont pretend ur not bc that's just hurting both mist and jack lmao

so im v glad in this ep he's able to start moving on!! bc when he told mist & co. "i met u all" i almost cried holy shit. and despite everything the song he sang for guil was so fucking beautiful asdjfhdsjkfh

and fuuuck even with everything that happened saga still encouraged ange (and OZ) to sing and apparently he offered to save yutaka's life like ??? holy shit. classic tsundere but like saga ily

there was so much going on so this is all over the place BUT ! that bit with eve and beth like ??? what is going on ??? i have so many questions ??? 1) ok so what IS eve and beth's relationship?? and 2) we still desperately need beth's backstory ??

and THEN !! bc i have jack tunnel vision, and by extension i love it when the twins interact (purely brotherly interaction!!!), gosh that scene with robin and jack having an actual meaningful convo fuuuuck. and while i was combusting the whole time watching jack (bc i love my hubby), im glad the scene reminded me of why i actually love him besides instincts alone. i always thought jack has much more wisdom in him than he seems and thinks through things much more deeply than assumed and i'm glad this scene shows us that a bit more. maybe in the future i'll go off on a more elaborate tangent on jack but that's for another day

bc fuck. we finally got sagajack crumbs in this ep. (note : before anyone yells at me for looking (dis)respectfully at sagajack, 1) i still dk how i feel about it and 2) i hv my own hc abt them that may be a little bit removed from canon) FUUUUCK when jack laid his head on saga's lap AHHHHHHHH

i love their dynamic. i just simply fucking love it

and also the low quality jack on the bridge lmao that's so fucking cute and for what ([whisper] for saga obvs)

and uhhhh,,,guil came back to life with the power of the moon ??? that's a whole thing. i'm glad OZ questioned it instead of treating it as something that just happens normally. from what i understand no one is giving their life away for guil yet so there's that. but like, why were they singing naked ??? (i thought that's dimitri's thing only lol

i think that's all for now. my mind is still reeling even now holy shit. and next ep is the last WTF?? im NOT ready for VP to end fuck. and next ep is titled "angelist" which basically means there will be expectedly a fuck ton of ange drama and im not ready

also we'll be getting a manga !! yay !!

god i can tell im gonna be so deep into the VP fandom for the foreseeable future. the start of the year i said sk8 saved me from the pits of hell. and now i think VP literally just roller coastered me straight back to hell then yeeted me directly into heaven and god rly just keeps ping-ponging me between those two. and in between these, sonny boy took me apart and put me back tgt and left a permanent hole.

2021 is rly just the year of original anime content huh. ik some ppl are hesitant on original content but when it fucks, it fucks u good

#visual prison

[percyjacksonfan3]

The Last Olympian Thoughts

So because I have absolutely 0 self-control or restraint when it comes to this series and its characters, and for The Last Olympian in particular, I could not put TLO down. Because of this I figured I couldn’t do the usual photo reaction posts I have been so far, because the spam would just be ridiculous, so I am stealing the idea from @yourstrulytaaay​ to do a masterpost instead. (Adding a Read More cause this got ridiculously long)

Fun fact, TLO came out right after i finished reading the series for the first time so it's the first PJO book i bought  and my only hard cover one for the og series. I checked the year and turns out it was published 2009, which means i was actually 9 when i read the series for the first time. I realize this is not really a fun fact but i thought i was older when I first read the series so it's blowing my mind a little ‘cause now I’m 21 and everything hits different and i still have so much love for this series and the characters Okay onto book thoughts: - i was right that this book is gonna destroy me, the first line alone made me so excited and nostalgic it's ridiculous - I love Rachel and Percy sm tbh. Her being a bit of peace and normalcy in his life without always reminding Percy of who and what he is is so good for him. Just a little escape

- of course by the end of the book that's not the case any more but by the end he's lived his prophecy so he doesn't need it as badly, plus he and Annabeth are solid again - Percy saying Annabeth has been hard to be around lately... Ouch my heart. Luke really is the last thing that keeps them from being together and Percy is so jealous and Annabeth so torn and in pain, i feel so bad for them both

- Beckendorf 🥺🥺 - the telkhine with the Lil Demon lunchbox!! I forgot about him. Percy: 'i left him alive, partly because his lunchbox was cool' is one of my absolute favourite lines tbh - Paul taking Percy crabbing and being imperative in helping Percy kill the giant crab 💖 Paul Blofis is important and deserves the world, okay? - aw Percy, you can't save every demigod bb

- 'i had to fight him eventually. Why not now?... What difference would a week make?' Oh Percy you have no idea - real talk tho, the fact Kronos possessed Luke's body would also mess me tf up. Percy keeps forgetting it's not Luke anymore and yeah, that would be so so hard and confusing af, like what another smart little mind game for Kronos to pull on top of everything else - the fact Percy fights Kronos before getting the Achilles Curse and actually doesn't die within seconds is... Astounding. He kicks him in the chest! And yeah Kronos is weaker and still adjusting to Luke's body, but Percy is having trouble fighting Luke cause they used to be friends - Percy breaks Kronos' time magic!! Like?! Boy is POWERFUL.

- OUCH - honestly Luke, Thalia and Annabeth's family breaking the way it did... Don't talk to me. Poor Annabeth, Luke betrayed them, Thalia joined the Hunters because of Luke's betrayal so she's pretty much AWOL all the time and then Luke dies. Like Rick wtf, my heart can't take it? -Percy and Tyson having each others backs when talking to Poseidon in the underwater palace is the brother-brother relationship we love to see - Percy trying to stick a sand dollar in the vending machines at school 🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀ - the whole underwater interaction at Poseidon's palace? Perfection. Awkward family drama and all - Connor falling out of the tree when he sees Percy because he's so excited 😂😂

- 😭💖

- k, ik Clarisse isn't perfect but tbh if i was a child of Ares whose father was disrespected and hated by my fellow campers (ares deserves it but still) and that disrespect trickled down to how the other campers treated ME (which if Percy is reliable here, it obviously does) then i would also be irritated at being used for muscle and nothing else? And just expected to fight with the people who act as if they'd rather not have Ares kids around the rest of the time. Like Clarisse isn't totally wrong - Percy reading the prophecy, seeing he's meant to die and just being like 'i do not see it' and refusing to outright think about it makes me so sad for him - (but it taints every action after and he's super reckless afterwards bc of it- including finally breaking and accepting the Achilles Curse) - (also him taking this as the last straw and finally beginning to show Annabeth how he really feels, cause fuck it, he's dying anyway) - Give me more info about Rachel's backstory and family Rick!! -  how did i forget Percy willingly eats chocolates that taste like cardboard because 'i didnt have anything against cardboard' like sir? Ik Silena didn't want them but still? - 'she'd always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful' STOP, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT - Percy staring at Annabeth and forgetting what they're talking about cause hes so distracted 👌🏻

- hmm yeah... For some strange reason.... - i forgot how Percy totally bombs this convo bw them and now want to cry 😭 Annabeth is trying to talk about what's important and Percy, you sweet oblivious man, you're shooting her down without even realizing - love that they're both on the same wavelength tho. Percy two lines before, hmm it's cool to date ppl from other cabins, wonder why im thinking that around Annabeth, my best friend in the world, and then Annabeth a beat later, hmm, let me bring up Silena and Beckendorf and how it's important to be with the people you love when you have the chance, no way Percy will miss this huge hint right? - they're the best - k i honestly forgot Percy full on physically intimidates Leneus like that - luke telling his mom if he ran away the monsters wouldnt get her..i can just imagine luke crying when he says good bye before running away because he thinks it's his fault his mom is like that and he cant take care of and protect her anymore because it's too hard - uh oh now i have angsty pre-lightning thief luke fic inspo... Him, Thalia and Annabeth on the run... The ANGST -  Rick holds absolutely nothing back in this book and i am in pain - HESTIA!! 💖💖🥰 - actual loml - i love that Rick titled this book after her and that he wrote such a great series about the importance of family (biological, found or otherwise) and home, and that he said actually Hestia is the most important bc shes the most humble and keeps the peace and knows when to fight and when to yield and you protect what you love, which is your home - i just... Adore Hestia - Grover! Missed you babes - Hades is so so horrible to Nico, always comparing him to Bianca :/ - but i do love Hades, Persephone and Demeter together they make me laugh - oh god the River Styx - Achilles 🥺 - Annabeth being Percy's lifeline is, and continues to be, A Lot™ - 'my name was Percy Jackson. I reached up and took Annabeth's hand.' LOL Why am i crying? - Like the fact there is no Percy without Annabeth, and that remembering her literally reminded him of who he is in his very soul... It's fine im fine - i won't even get into the parallels of her being his lifeline now and then later when Hera takes his memories but leaves the memory of Annabeth for Percy to fight to get back to (anyone who wants to yell about it with me... Feel free to message) - badass Percy is my fav Percy tbh - him defeating Hades?? Like? Hades is arguably the most powerful god, okay - i feel bad for Nico but if i was Percy I'd do the exact same, Nico, sorry man but this is a high stakes time crunch deal and Nico is literally the only hope of persuading Hades and distracted by his own internal stuff - flashbacks to Luke, Thalia and Annabeth hurt, ow - George and Martha are the best - damn i forgot Hermes full on nearly kills Percy here, yikes - Luke stop cockblocking Percabeth challenge

- i love!! Percy's love for New York!! So much!! - Percy leaving to live in New Rome in HoO is a lie and this is all the proof i need for why - the fact the entire last half of the book is the battle and aftermath... Such great buildup and pacing. All the tricks and twists and battles in this War of Manhattan? I would not take out a thing, Rick, you legend - of course then the final battle in hoo with the gods is what? Two pages? Ugh, don’t talk to me about my hatred for BoO and HoO - 'no detours you two' is still the cutest thing!!! - THE HUNTERS!! Thalia i missed you - good job Percy, you finally spent your sand dollar - Minotaur!! - 'dont i get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition right?' Percy finds out he's gonna die and is out of fucks to give and honestly I support him - also Michael just standing beside these two while they're flirting like umm 👀 👀 while a monster army marches towards them, nbd - Annabeth taking Ethan's knife meant for Percy!!! Cause she just knows his weak spot without him even telling her! They literally invented love - Feral Percy is so scary omg, i love how well Rick incorporates the Achilles Curse in this novel, with the whole heightened weaknesses and stuff ans the parallels to Achilles arrogance being what killed him and Percy's loyalty, fierceness and protective instinct being his own heightened weakness - the fact that Percy is the one who inadvertantly kills Michael Yew tho, I'll never recover from that - the fact Hades offers Maria di Angelo a golden palace by the Styx like how Poseidon offers Sally a palace under the sea tho. Let's talk about that parallel - the entire talk with Prometheus is so so good - not me picturing young Luke hiding in the closet to get away from his mom when she has an 'episode' -i love callbacks in stories and all of the callbacks to the rest of the series in this book make me very happy (medusa, minotaur, the underworld, Rainbow!! My baby!!, Daedalus and more) - Percy summoning a wholeass hurricane against Hyperion - the Party Ponies! They're so chaotic, i love it - Dionysus! 😁 I can't help it, i love him - Percy absolutely losing it when he sees Sally and Paul asleep in the car 🥺 - Rachel telling Percy he's not the hero screws with him so much :( poor bb - although i really really love how Rick wrote this, it's so refreshing to not have one chosen one save the world, but a combination of people - the drakon, Silena and Clarisse make me cry - the Patrochilles references, im not okay - Annabeth giving up on Luke after hearing what he did to Silena and Percy telling her that doesn't make him happy 😭 that whole interaction makes my heart ache - Percy giving Hestia Pandora's pithos 🥺 - and Hades, Nico and the others coming for a final attack is so badass, i love it - listen im glad the og trio were the ones to confront Luke on Olympus but the fact Thalia got so close and then pinned by a statue of HERA makes me so sad. Ik her and Luke were finished and she coped by cutting him off completely and giving up all hope but i would pay money to know what they would have said to each other to say goodbye - Ethan 🥺 - Poseidon joining the fight against Typhon is so cool, such a great scene - 'PEANUT BUTTER!' - Annabeth you brilliant badass you - RIP Luke, you werent great but you werent the worst either - the gods just rolling up seconds too late, wondering wtf happened in Olympus and who the dead body is - the chapter where the Olympians meet and give out rewards is one of my absolute favourites (again i am incensed we didn't get anything like this in HoO) - will Percy turning down immortality ever not make me scream in glee? No? Alright then - Annabeth being relieved like Percy was relieved at the end of Titan's Curse tho - oh Hermes :/ - its so hard reading all this and knowing what comes in HoO... Like it's such a cathartic, earned and mostly happy and peaceful ending and then HoO comes along and undermines it all - aww Rick let Paul see Olympus somehow pls, he deserves it, he killed a dracanae - (i would also love to see it) - Percy being more upset Rachel took his pegasus than her going to Camp and possibly dying, lol, priorities dude - i honestly think that Rick had other ideas for the second Great Prophecy and how things would go down in BoO, cause the prophecy like... Barely applies to BoO, Doors of Death are in book four, and explabations of it is all so unclear when Rick is usually pretty good with that stuff - PERCABETH - lol Percy complaining about privacy when he and Annabeth are caught kissing literally in the middle of the very open and public dining pavilion, okay - BEST UNDERWATER KISS OF ALL TIME - that's it and im a glass case of emotion - very happy to say that this series remains my favourite of all time 💖

 If anyone ever wants to come gush about anything Riordanverse related feel free, because as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about it all

#lau rereads pjo #the last olympian is my favourite book for a REASON #honestly every line is killer #so much subtext to read into #the dialogue #the relationships are dialed up to 11 #every character is so on point #the battle strategies too? are just so interesting? #I just adore it #Tay don't read any of this yet cause it's all spoilers #alright I'm gonna go write fic to express these feelings now #tlo #the last olympian #pjo #pjato #percy jackson

[bangtanger]

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of 

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 

❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

#m:text #tg

[wonderlustlucas]

four - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt They say good things come in fours. Who? Couldn’t tell you, but they especially do during Christmas. Maybe that’s just Saint Nick. ⇢ pairing hyunjin x female reader ⇢ word count 11.7k ⇢ genre fluff ⇢ warnings swearing. mentions of alcohol & s e x. teenagerz being teenagerz. insane amount of fluff & stupidity. kind of ends w a smutty cliffhanger. ⇢ summary After suppressing how you felt about Hyunjin back in high school, you thought you were done going back on your feelings. Turns out, a little time apart, the spirit of Christmas, and an accidental nap is the perfect cocktail for falling in love with your best friend.—friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n hello & merry christmas! here is a gift for you all on this very merry day. also, thank you for 1,000 followers! that in itself is one of the best presents i could ask for. thank you for all your kindness & support on my blog & for following me in the first place! it truly means so much to me. i hope you enjoy reading! ♥︎

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Sorry! I just woke up

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Whats wrong fool

big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇[now] Did u rlly think 12 texts were gonna wake me up?🤦🏻‍♂️ godt damn u on some WACK shit

You roll your eyes in time with each consecutive text that Hyunjin sends, waiting for the lock screen of your phone to blacken after reading them. He’s about as useless as pedals on a wheelchair, you think, ignoring the texts and forcing the device into the snug back pocket of your jeans before transferring the last two excessively packed grocery bags into the trunk of your car with an exhausted huff. Christ, if the bagging lady put one more item in those bags, she would be the one to blame for six cans of soup rolling about the parking lot.

The license plate rattles when you slam the trunk lid closed before hurrying around to the driver’s side and anxiously hopping inside to start blasting the heat. It is obnoxiously chilly for the first of September. Well, not really. Your body is just beginning to get used to the ungodly wrath of summer’s sweltering heat leaving you in a constant state of sweat and nausea for the past three months. Not that you’re complaining, of course. You nearly did somersaults of joy when the morning news reported a temperature of sixty-one degrees with some wind gusts and welcomed the beginning signs of autumn with open arms.

You would never admit to Mom who told yo uon the way out to change out of a tank top or at least wear a jacket, but yes— you are, in fact, cold. But now you have godsent warmth blowing from the vents and the seat warmer on its highest setting beginning to thaw away the goosebumps painted on your skin. Giving your arms one last rub, you lean up enough to retrieve your phone and open the conversation with Hyunjin.

[2:37 PM] YN: please. smell my balls

[2:37 PM] YN: nothings wrong btw. i was GOING to ask if u wanted any specific snacks for tn buttttt someone didn’t answer

[2:37 PM] YN: and excuse u i called too. i may be an idiot but im not stupid

[2:38 PM] YN: ik u would never hear a text when ur having wet dreams of yeji

You stop there with a smug smirk when the three dots on his side appear, knowing you’ve hit his funny bone with this one.

[2:38 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Bruh

[2:38 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇 :I’ve literally never have had a wet dream ab Yeji pls stop

You cannot fight your shit-eating grin, thumbs circling over the keyboard in thought as he apparently deletes whatever other text he was going to send when the three dots disappear.

[2:38 PM] YN: mmhmmmm

[2:38 PM] YN: because last time you slept over you weren’t whimpering her name in ur sleep

[2:38 PM] YN: sureeeee

You decide to end your teasing there and continue once you’re home. It is starting to get late, after all, and Mom will begin to worry that the creepy employee always in aisle sixteen has abducted you. Plus, you’re cruel and like to watch Hyunjin suffer. Switching the ringer off, you throw your phone into the cupholder and drastically lower the heat and turn off the seat warmer. It’s starting to feel like a sauna in here, and not in a fun way. Can’t understand how anyone enjoys hanging out in a sauna to begin with anyway, but to each their own, you guess.

In the five-minute drive it takes until you are pulling into the driveway, Hyunjin calls three times. He is incredibly peeved at your lack of a response to his distressed texts and still wound up from your text about Yeji. As if! You’re already a clown not realizing his ever-growing affections for you, but to think he had a crush on Yeji? You’re the whole damn circus!

By the time he calls a fifth time, now sat up on his elbow in bed and strumming an annoyed beat of his fingers at his thigh because he really just wants to yell at you for being the most annoying person alive (and maybe to hear your voice, too), you have brought in the last of the bags and look to Mom who has started to put the groceries away and expects you to half-heartedly do the same.

“It’s Hyunjin. He’s having an existential crisis because I haven’t answered his texts,” you explain to her, unenthusiastically holding your phone as it vibrates against your palm. Half of you wants her to ask to finish putting everything away first just so you can torture him even longer. Alas, such extravagant wishes are denied, because when it comes to Hyunjin, your parents would undoubtedly throw you under the bus just to keep that boy happy. And so, just like any other time, Mom’s undying love for Hyunjin has her dismissing you from the kitchen with a hearty laugh.

“Jesus Christ! What?” You hiss, halfway up the stairs when you tap to answer his call on the last ring.

“Wow! Look who finally decided to answer!” Hyunjin shouts back, the swoosh of his sheets once he finally falls back against his pillow again rustling all too loudly through the phone. “I was driving,” you spit, marching into your bedroom and collapsing against your bed, the same rustle of your blankets sounding loudly into his ear. “There’s a thing called the speaker, ___. Ever heard of it?” He retorts, evidently shutting you up and he knows he won this round if your silence is anything to go by.

“Whatever,” you groan, using all your toe strength to kick the sneakers off your feet by their soles, “what was so important that you couldn’t wait and had to call me five billion times?”

“I had a question. And you hurt my feelings.” Well, shit. You can practically hear and see his pout through the phone and your heart positively swells in your chest at how undeniably, unjustifiably cute he is. You sigh.

“I’m sorry for making fun of you about Yeji. I’m going to do it again but next time I promise I won’t pull the wet dream card,” you apologize frankly; because, in all honesty, it would be worse to say you are not going to do it again when you most certainly will. Bullying Hyunjin is fun, what can you say?

Hyunjin heaves an exasperated breath from his lungs because he knows there is no point in arguing with quite possibly the most sarcastic human he knows and that’s the best form of an apology he’s going to get. Whatever. He’ll make sure to wipe his morning snot and droll on your shirt in the morning. “Anyway,” he grumbles, in the background you hear Kkami bark from a few rooms over, “I was going to ask if you wanted to come over my place instead? I know your parents probably want to see me and stuff but mine are out of town for the night so we can sleep in my bed until like three without Mom waking us up to force feed breakfast.” You roll your eyes. Of course your parents want to see him.

“Plus, Mom just put that grey comforter I know you really like on my bed so we can cuddle all night and watch stuff on YouTube,” he quickly adds as a convincing afterthought. He’s really got his sales pitch going on this one. Truth is, you have only slept in his bed with that stupidly soft blanket twice last winter break, but it’s still sweet that he remembers how much you loved it (aka how quickly you fell asleep and how grumpy you were being woken up because it’s just that darn cozy). Either way, you would never pass up an opportunity to snuggle up with Hyunjin in the comfort of his own bed with his citrusy, floral scent on the pillows luring you to sleep.

“My Mom is going to be heartbroken, Hyunjin,” you tease, “but who cares. You had me sold at sleeping until three. Do you still want me to bring the snacks I got?”

“Oh, thank God. I love your Mom’s cooking but I haven’t left bed all day and I really want to keep it that way. And yes, please. I’ve been eating dry cereal for the past two hours.”

“Hyunjin, have you brushed your teeth yet?”

“No. Didn’t you just hear me? I said I’ve been in bed all day. Eating cereal. When would I have brushed my teeth?”

“You’ve officially taken breakfast in bed to a whole new level, Jin. I’ll see you in a few hours. Oh, and please, you have no concept of personal space so make sure you brush your teeth before I come over.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Love ya, bye,” Hyunjin promptly hangs up, probably eager to get back to binging whatever drama he’s watching before you lecture him about his hygiene again. Not that it matters, anyway; chances are, it went in one ear and right out the other and you’re going to drag him out of bed later to brush his teeth.

Damn. You didn’t even get the chance to say love you back. Not that it matters.

It doesn’t, you quickly shut down the pesky thought that keeps you up at night and force it back into the storage part of your brain labeled ‘Deal with Later,’ because, really, you’ll have to think about that later. It’s not that you don’t want to think about it yet… you just don’t have the time to stop and really figure out what your feelings toward Hyunjin actually are. Yeah. That’s it.

And now isn’t the time, you tell yourself, scooting up the mattress in order to bury your face in the pillows to suffocate the pounding throb in your head. Hyunjin is nothing special.

Well, no. That’s a lie. Everything about Hyunjin is special. Anyone with eyes, ears, even a nose can sense that. You had quickly found out just how wonderful he is when you met him freshman year of high school. At the time, he was everyone’s sweetheart by the first day, but it just so happened his eyes were all on you.

He was obviously adorable, and every class you had together he always made a point to talk to you and returned your sarcasm with an impressive level of expertise. So, when it came to him asking you to the first homecoming, the answer was yes without a second thought. But during the last slow dance of the night, with his hands gently holding your waist, he at last listened to his conscience and revealed that as much as he liked you, he truly did not want to date in high school. Or right then, at least. And honestly, you were glad; Hyunjin was quite possibly your favorite person you had met thus far, and you would have rather kept him as a friend than commit to a relationship the second month of school and risk losing him later down the road.

And boy, keep him as a friend you did. As it turned out, Hyunjin grew to be your truest, best friend in high school. Sure, you each had your own friend groups, but the two of you were the iconic pair everybody knew. But strictly platonic, despite the rumors and wishes that went around for the next four years. You like to think that neither of you ever developed feelings past what everyone feels toward their best friend— an innocent, wholesome sort of love.

But when had things changed? Hormones, as always, were definitely a big part of it. Hyunjin was always a cutie, but it wasn’t until he grew into his own skin and developed a newfound confidence did you start to see him differently. Until everyone saw him differently. Neither of you missed the way people stared him down, pupils dilating every time he ran his fingers through the black tufts of his hair, hearts aching for some sort of interaction. Or when you started attending parties, groups of girls would fling themselves at him in a blundering disarray, most of which he would turn down with a gentle dismissal that flew over their heads, too drunk to actually care.

But then there were times his dick made the decision for him, desperation and deprivation weighing in on him and you’d watch with a tight jaw as he’d leave the room with the pretty girl of the night skipping after him. You never realized it was only on those nights did you wind up in the back seat of Han Jisung’s car.

But even after the physical attraction sizzled out over time, things were not the same. Hyunjin wasn’t your hidden little treasure anymore. All eyes were set on him and it took more than a glass of water to swallow your jealousy. But why? Why were you so resentful all of a sudden?

It’s hard to share Hwang Hyunjin, you decided. Once established that you were his main hoe and he was yours, it became a significant burden watching others try and get in between. Not that they did it with a malicious attempt to separate you, but it still hurt. You’re selfish, and you admit it— Hyunjin, quite frankly, is the love of your life. Romantic or not, nothing could change your feelings toward him. It goes beyond his unfathomable beauty and spunky personality. Everything about him from his nose to his hands, to his distaste for onions and the way his face scrunches up when he lets out that giggle of his and even to the way he prefers to sleep against the wall but will force you to when you’re over so he can “protect you in case there’s a monster” all mount into this big, giant section of your heart set aside for Hyunjin.

So despite your efforts to ignore the pang of jealousy each time he would find a potential someone or the joy whenever he’d find his way back because “they kept wanting to hang out in the morning even though I said I don’t wake up before noon,” this Hyunjin-shaped hole in your heart seems to only grow the longer you ignore it. Kind of like every medical condition out there: the longer you ignore it, the worse it gets. So, basically Hyunjin is your heart disease.

Yikes. Sounds a lot worse when you try putting it into words.

Well, he won’t be your heart defect for long if he keeps ruining those pearly whites of his by only brushing once just before bed, you chuckle to yourself, rolling to your side at the sudden lack of oxygen between your face and the pillow. There’s a fleeting moment without thought when you unconsciously reach for your phone to check for any notifications before the fattest revelation of them all falls from the ceiling and smacks you right upside the face.

Shit. Looks like you’ve gone right ahead and totally dissected each and every fiber of your feelings for Hyunjin.

Blinking up at the ceiling, the weight of your emotions isn’t as heavy as you expected them to be. Instead, it’s more of a breath of fresh air, as if you have finally accepted the way things fell instead of ignoring them. Your feelings for Hyunjin have always been there. It just took a little effort to get them out.

Nevertheless, it is going to be difficult hanging out with him in a few hours with your exposed emotions still needing to be processed. Especially when he will pull you to his side and keep you nestled there the entire night. Rubbing your temples, you realize it will take some serious self-control to put everything on the back burner and just enjoy the time spent with Hyunjin.

Sighing, you check the time on your phone again. 3:21 and a text from Hyunjin asking if you could bring green tea.

“Mom!” You yell, defeated. “You were right!”

You used to think Hyunjin lived far away. Truthfully, he’s only fifteen minutes away if you go ten over the speed limit. But the only way to get to his house entails driving through the chaos of the mall and town center, which adds an extra ten minutes sitting through traffic no matter the time of day.

Now, Hyunjin’s college campus is two hours away. Well, technically five from you, since you’re almost three hours away in the opposite direction. So you’re lucky if you get to see him once a month with how hectic school becomes and how difficult it is trying to plan to come home the same weekend. Fortunately, it has worked out this semester. And while you should spend this time with your families, they know how much you crave one another’s company as the weeks drag on. The twenty-two minutes it takes getting to each other’s homes is totally worth it.

You expect Hyunjin to tell you to use the key hidden underneath the resin meditating frog statue in the front garden to unlock the front door when you text him you have arrived, but to your utmost surprise, he’s there, awake, to open the door for you.

“Stinky!” You yell, dropping your things on the floor to burry yourself in his embrace, standing on your tippy toes to wrap your arms around his neck in order to really get the full experience of hugging your favorite giant. “Poopy!” He shouts in return, long arms winding tightly around your waist and even going so far as to lift you up a few inches. God. Hate when he does that.

“Why are you up? I thought I’d have to let myself in with you sleeping all your problems away,” you ask, smiling gratefully when he bends down to pick up your bag. “I realized Kkami hadn’t been out all day, so I came down to let him out and find actual food,” Hyunjin explains as he makes way into the kitchen, opening the back door to let said dog back inside. “Aw, poor thing,” you pout, squatting to scratch at Kkami’s neck when he zooms faster than the speed of light to you, “does that mean you brushed your teeth?”

“I did, actually,” Hyunjin snorts right back, scrunching his nose at you before turning away to open the fridge. Sitting on the floor with Kkami in your lap, you take the opportunity to finally get a good look at Hyunjin now that he’s distracted. And of course, he looks good. Really good. Last time you saw him he still was a brunette, a look he rocked during the spring and summer months. This is the first time you’ve seen the freshly dyed black hair in person. Even though he always looks handsome, something about Hyunjin with black hair completely changes his aura. Brings back memories of how badly you wanted him in high school. You shiver at the thought.

And, to top it all off, how he manages to stay in such disgustingly good shape despite his atrocious eating habits never ceases to amaze you. Like, come on. The boy eats worse than a raccoon seven days out of the week, lives off boba, works out maybe five times a month, dances in his free time and still keeps his body in tiptop shape. God, you hate him. His pediatrician probably hates him, too. You even go as far as to sniff the fries in your dining hall and you gain five pounds.

Even now, he looks unnecessarily regal in the baggy material of his sweatpants and flannel. And the warmth of his kitchen’s ambient lighting does nothing to suppress the heavy thumping of your heart. So casual is his dress, yet how immaculate he looks rummaging the cabinets for a snack.

“Are you hungry?” He asks, the familiar softness of his voice shaking you from your daze as he closes the refrigerator door after his unsuccessful search. Here’s the thing: you really aren’t hungry, but Hyunjin clearly is, so if you say no then all he will be thinking about is food until you decide that you are hungry. “Yeah,” is what you say, nudging Kkami off your crossed legs to stand, “I brought green tea and a few snacks, but we could order Chinese food or something. The place near Dunkin’ and the gas station makes bubble tea now, too.”

Hyunjin’s brows shoot up, flashing his boxy smile. “Is it good?”

“I mean, I’ve only had their pork dumplings and mango tea before, and it was pretty good. I don’t know about their noodles or anything, though,” you shrug, moving to stand beside him at the kitchen island. Distracted by Kkami trying to jump onto the sofa in the living room, you don’t look to Hyunjin until the poor dog is successful in doing so. Startled to find him already gazing down at you, your heart truly is not prepared for him to go right ahead and wrap his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. Totally not freaking out or trying to overthink his need to constantly cling, you justify his actions by quickly recalling the time he said, “My head is too godtdamn big for my godtdamn body.” More like his head is too heavy because instead of a brain it’s just a chunk of cement up there. He just needs to rest his head sometimes.

Yeah.

“Mm, I don’t know,” Hyunjin hums, swaying your body with his to an unheard tune. By now, any coherent thought has dissipated into thin air and all you can do is melt against him. “Why?” You manage.

“’Cus if we order anything that means I’ll have to get up and get it.”

“Oh my God, Hyunjin, really?” You laugh. Your hands naturally glide to where his are linked at your stomach, pressing to interlock your fingers overtop his. “If that’s the only reason for your uncertainty than I could always come get it, idiot.”

“No! It’s okay,” Hyunjin says, jumping back before you can even process it, “I’m not that hungry anyway.”

“Ohhh ‘kay,” you laugh breathlessly, whiplashed by the whole thing. Good thing you aren’t hungry, because when was the last time Hyunjin turned down food? Blinking at him precariously, he doesn’t seem to notice until one too many seconds of silence pass by.

“C’mon,” he demands excitedly, jumping back into reality, “my roommate told me to watch this anime called Soul Eater but I wanted to watch it with you.” Once again, before anything can even register past every single That Was Cute™ alarm ringing in your brain, Hyunjin is grabbing your bag and reaching for your hand, leading you out of the kitchen and upstairs.

You and Hyunjin binge aforementioned anime until he falls asleep first around 2 AM, only stopping to order food an hour in (he’s an indecisive man indeed), to get up to retrieve it, and to actually eat while catching up. For most of the night, you are able to forget the way his heartbeat against your back mirrored your own in the kitchen. But then, a little while after you fall asleep yourself, Hyunjin unconsciously shifts closer and you spend another hour blinking at his relaxed hand twitching against your abdomen, trying to keep the hurricane inside your heart at bay.

You can’t make it home October. Hyunjin texted you to let you know he was going to be the third weekend in, and you tried desperately to manage your time in order to make it work. But one group project in chem lead to another paper in psych and before you knew it, your roommate was listening to you sob over a boy and curse out your classes.

September left you emotionally wrecked, to be totally honest. You hate Hyunjin and you hate the way he makes you feel and you especially hate how realizing you have a crush on him makes you unsure if everything he does is his way of hinting he feels the same or if he’s always been this touchy and you are just now recognizing it. So, missing a month of seeing your favorite human being essentially means missing another day of trying to decipher which actions of his go in the Friend list, and which go in the Questionable list. And that, my friend, is unacceptable.

You absolutely cannot not go home this month. November is the calm before the storm (the storm being exams looming the second week of December), and while it would be beneficial maybe staying on campus to continue preparing, you tell yourself going home will be just as helpful. Mental breaks, and stuff. Totally not just to see Hyunjin.

Either way, Hyunjin asks you if you would join him on the seventeenth to go to his second cousin’s christening and you absolutely cannot say no when you know how bored Hyunjin gets at family events when they aren’t for him. And so, fast forward to the third Sunday of November and you are ready to pass out ten minutes after entering the church.

“I’m so happy for you two! I always knew you would last into college,” one of Hyunjin’s aunts exclaims, pinching your cheeks but the only pinch you feel is that of your heart.

Clearly she is misinformed, or just prone to jumping to conclusions but yet again, you can’t really blame her with how couple-y you and Hyunjin are. Past the single tunnel vision of your gaze, you watch her smile falter when Hyunjin goes rigid beside you and oh my God this is the most embarrassing moment of my life, his whole family thinks we’re dating and here we are still stuck in each other’s friendz—

“I’m glad you think so, imo,” Hyunjin suddenly picks up, sneaking an arm around to rest his hand on your hip, tugging you close, “I don’t know what I’ll do if she ever decides to leave me.”

It’s nice to think that he means it, to imagine that you are here not as a tag-along but to join him in a family ceremony because you are part of the family. The thought turns your blood to sugar and everything surrounding you falls apart; you listen to the rest of their conversation without processing it, the precise detailing in the marble pillars blurs into a mass of white, and you still feel his strong hold on the curve of your waist yet you are lost in the swam of possibilities.

How lovely it would be to live up to her assumption. To ‘last into college’ as a couple, not as best friends. To be able to call him yours even when you’re not together, to come home and kiss his lips, to sleep in his bed and it mean more than the laziness of blowing up the air mattress. At some point, he leads you into the third pew to sit beside his parents, and when you greet them with a hug all you can think about is them viewing you as more than their son’s friend.

God, you hate it.

You’re not as religious as Hyunjin and his family. But for the first time in years, you find yourself looking to the crucifix during the service and praying to whoever is up there to give you some strength and patience, because Lord do you need it.

Hyunjin is a funny guy.

Or so he thinks.

It’s not that he isn’t funny. It’s just— compared to your friends Minho or Changbin, he isn’t at the top of the list. When you think of Hyunjin, the first words that pop up are soft, loud, and dramatic.

It’s not that he isn’t funny. He’s just weird.

Insanely, ridiculously weird. For example, the time he called Jeongin a vitamin. Or the time he slapped half a bottle of sunscreen on his face. Or his random bouts of dancing at inappropriate moments. Just to name a few.

After the Baptism, Hyunjin acted like nothing happened. Didn’t even bring it up. Not even a joke. After the ceremony, you joined his family for a luncheon, which just involved the two of you being weird and making peculiar dancing videos on SnapChat with the swirly filter and complaining about school for a few hours until he drove you home. Obviously you stopped for food again on the way.

But that was it. Things went on as normal, and you returned to campus later that night and forced the whole experience to the back of your brain. It was officially grind season, and grind season meant studying for exams. No parties. No boys. And certainly no Hyunjin.

You both were home for winter break in the blink of an eye. And in normal Hyunjin style, he sort of vanished for the first week. Probably catching up on his strict sleeping schedule, you presumed, and accepted the fact that it was going to be a few days before you saw or even heard from him. The only anticipation you felt was wanting to give him his Christmas gift.

After what seems like an eternity away from Hyunjin, you get out of the shower on this fine Saturday before Christmas to find a slew of texts from him.

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Aloha mamacita

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: How do u feel about getting froyo tn

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: We can get fat and then u can sleepover aaaand

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: We can stare at the wall for a few hours

[5:52 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: And

[5:53 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: *cough*

[5:53 PM] big tiddy jinny🍯🧸🌟🖇: Exchange Jesus gifts

See? Weird. Who wants froyo when it’s thirty degrees out?

[5:53 PM] YN: “aloha mamacita”

[5:53 PM] YN: uHmmmMMM

[5:53 PM] YN: im down mr president

[5:54 PM] YN: why do u want ice cream in winter tho. don’t u want like

[5:54 PM] YN: hot chocolate or seomthing

Obviously not. Two hours later, Hyunjin arrives to pick you up for froyo despite all your efforts in convincing him maybe you could take the train to the city and watch a light show, or simply drive around and swoon over the rich people houses and their Christmas decorations. He didn’t budge. This leads you to your second question of the day: why is it that when you threw on sweats for the occasion you called yourself a hag, but upon entering Hyunjin’s car you make a mental note of how hot he looks when he’s wearing the same exact thing? You groan at the thought. It’s because it’s Hyunjin, of course.

“Bonjour, mademoiselle,” he greets, flicking your forehead once you settle into the seat of his Subaru WRX because he’s a hotshot and likes to flex that he can drive a manual. Not really— the car is absolute garbage by now, having been his Dad’s old car (his Dad likes to flex too, apparently). However, Hyunjin takes care of it enough for it to seem five years old instead of ten, and, either way, watching him work the stick shift is unexplainably hot.

You swat his hand away. “Drive, bitch,” you huff, twisting to buckle yourself in. Once he’s reversed out of your driveway, you glance back to find him fighting against a devilish smirk.

“So,” you start once he has navigated out of your neighborhood. His brow twitches up. “Are you taking Hawaiian and French at school? You’ve been throwing quite a lot of languages at me recently.” Hyunjin shoots you an unamused look. You return it with a wrinkle of your nose.

“Anyway,” he ignores your teasing, pausing to switch gears for whatever reason so he can make it through a yellow light, “how did your exams go?”

“Well, you know…” You trail off, looking to your window. It feels a lot later than eight o’clock. With it getting dark so early in the evening nowadays, it feels as if nighttime is always following you.

“You know… what?” Hyunjin interrupts your daze, concern laced in his voice. “They were fine. I passed everything, I’m just worried about my major,” you explain sadly, barely glancing at him before you are turning back to the window to stare at the moon. Must be nice being a moon. Just get to hang out in the sky watching everyone and being watched.

“I mean, if you want to switch, now’s the time. Better do it now before the second semester,” Hyunjin advises, wise as always. Not really, but he’s right. “What are you thinking of going into?”

Yikes. He’s going to kill you.

“Nursing,” you blurt.

“Oh my Lanta, ___, are you serious?” He groans, stopping at a convenient red light presenting the perfect opportunity for him to smack his forehead on the wheel. Dramatic. “How are you gonna manage that? You’ll practically be two years behind everyone else!”

“I know,” you sigh, throwing your head back on the headrest, “that’s the problem. Bio just isn’t doing it for me. I don’t think I can spend the rest of my life in a lab watching mitosis. I need something more rewarding, so theoretically nursing is a perfect start. I don’t know, though.”

“Why don’t you switch to interior design or something? We could get our own HGTV show, ___,” he says, but you don’t meet his gaze when he glances over because beneath his words, you can sense some serious hopefulness. Interior design would be cool, but you’ve never considered that as a career choice. You once helped your parents pick out everything when they redid a bathroom at home and that turned out great, but as a major?

“I don’t know, man. I’ll have to talk to my counselor about it, I guess,” you shrug, pulling the hood of your sweatshirt over your head and tightening the drawstrings until the material covers your eyes, “why can’t you audition to be a K-pop star or something? I could be your manager. Heck, even your makeup artist. I’ve done your makeup before, remember?”

Hyunjin laughs, loud, and the sound sinks deep into your heart and makes you feel warm all over. Stress? Gone.

For the next few minutes or so, the ride is comfortably quiet. At some point, he turns on the radio and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” floods your brain and reminds you to look forward to exchanging Christmas gifts later. God, you hope he likes it. You really went out on the sentimental gifts this year.

Hood shielding your vision, you jump when his large hand suddenly comes to grab the top of your head, squeezing hard and you imagine he’s trying to press some hopefulness into your brain. “Hand on the penis stick, Hwang,” you bark, blindly reaching for his own head across the way and pulling his ear when you do so. Good Lord, you hope no one can see into the car because… what.

Hyunjin lets out a giggle this time, reaching to pull you into a headlock and even though he’s got your head shoved up against his sturdy chest and goes on to give you a noogie, you’re stuck being all high and loopy on the sound of his happiness. And hey, it’s nice to know you’re the cause of it.

“We’re literally parked, idiot. If you had your hood down you would’ve realized,” Hyunjin snickers, releasing you after watching you struggle for a few seconds. Jerking away from him, you swiftly pull back your hood. “Oh,” you laugh, reading the flashy Yogo Factory sign above the building in front of you, “you could’ve just told me instead of watching me bask in misery.”

Hyunjin suitably ignores your moaning and groaning by getting out of the car and standing in front of the car, illuminated by the headlights. Why? Why must he look so scrumptious in his black hoodie and grey sweatpants and four-year-old white Nike sneakers? He has no gosh darn right!

After fixing the mess he made of your hair, you at last join him outside the car, shooting him another glare and moving ahead of him to open the shop’s door without waiting for him. “From now on, we have to start texting each other what we’re wearing before we go out, ‘cus this looks a little ri-donk-ulous,” Hyunjin whispers in your ear as you make your way to the cup selection, trying to ignore all the stares you— no, he is getting along the way.

“What do you mean?” You ask, plucking two medium sized cups up before turning to look at him. Then you look down at yourself. Oh. Looks like you’re both wearing the hoodie from junior spirit week. “Nice.” Just Couple Things™!

Back to Hyunjin being weird— why did he drag you all the way out here just to get a cup of chocolate frozen yogurt and maybe half a scoop of peanut butter chips?

Meanwhile, he watches in absolute disgust as you blow through your own dessert. Vanilla yogurt with probably every topping offered because you physically cannot make a decision, especially when they have chunks of cookie dough up there.

“So,” Hyunjin starts, trying not to look you in the eye considering you look like a goblin shoveling globs of diabetes down your throat, “have you talked to Jisung recently?”

You choke on a Fruity Pebble at his inquiry, prompting him to reach across the table and slap your back a few times until your esophagus is cleared. “Ugh,” clearing your throat one last time, you take a few sips of water while shooting him a glare. Jisung? Really? “How dense are you?” You hiss unintentionally.

Hyunjin raises his hands in defense. “Just a question.”

Yeah, just a question. Dumbass. “I mean,” you laugh awkwardly, “not really. We have a streak on Snap and sometimes we’ll talk occasionally but I don’t text him every day or anything. How about you?”

He shrugs, concentrating instead on stirring his yogurt into a goopy mess. “Eh. We still use our group chat a lot but that’s it. He’s too busy making music in Malaysia.”

You chuckle at this, picking out the boba from your own cup and leaving the rest now that it has started to look like something sold at the Chum Bucket. “That sucks,” you offer, not the best at giving him consolidation, you opt for linking your feet around his own in some weird act of intimacy, “isn’t he coming home for the holidays, though? I’m sure you can all have a reunion soon.”

“Yeah, he is,” Hyunjin hums, suddenly too focused on trying to escape your trap under the table. Annoyed Hyunjin is cute. “Stoooop,” he whines, kicking at your shins before breaking into boisterous laughter at your relentlessness, “I will not hesitate to throw this cup at your face.”

“Yeah, right,” you scoff, “I’d like to see you try.”

At this, Hyunjin drops his stupidly long arms beneath the table and easily captures your foot by the ankle, pulling hard enough for you to slip down your side of the booth. “Hyunjin!” You shriek, panicking slightly at your sweaty hand’s insecure grip against the leather. You’re going to fall. You’re going to fall flat on your ass underneath a table at a frozen yogurt place because the boy you like pulled your foot too hard. Fantastic. Ignoring you, he starts to wiggle your shoe off your foot no matter how hard you try to squirm out of his relentless grip. “Stop trying to eat my toes in the middle of Yogo!”

Finally, he releases your foot, letting it fall limp against his thigh.

“God,” you huff, breathless as you squirm back up your seat, cheeks burning ferociously, “you are such an ass.”

Behind the playful smirk he fails to hide, something darker glints in Hyunjin’s eyes and it makes your heart skip a beat. Then, “We should go.” The suggestion makes the heat of your blush scorch even hotter down your neck and you instinctively turn away, only to find the customers on the other side of the shop watching you with just as perturbed looks. Fantastic, part two.

“Okie,” you squeak out, blinking after him in complete and total bewilderment as to what just happened when he gets up to throw his trash away. Whatever. Following after him, you too toss your cup out before quickly finding your hand engulfed by his larger one as he leads you back outside, the sudden sharpness of the cold air bringing tears to your eyes. You desperately want to ask him what that was about, or why he’s acting so sneaky, but you stay silent, too afraid your voice will come out shaky and vulnerable. Instead, you let him tug you into his side and try to keep up with him no matter how badly your knees threaten to buckle with each glance you sneak up at him.

It’s silent when you enter the car, watching warily as he reverses out of the parking spot and maneuvers through the lot. Your heart rate seemingly cannot slow itself down, adrenaline taking the place of oxygen the longer you stare at him, at the concentrated scrunch to his face, at the cute tip of his button nose and at the swell of his lips and you distantly wonder what would happen if you pulled him into a kiss at the next red light.

In the midst of your daydream Hyunjin clears his throat, bringing you back to reality and you realize with a startle that he has caught you. Jesus Christ! What has gotten into you? You mentally smack yourself upside the head, instantly turning away from his cocky little gaze and staring straight ahead in search of something else to focus on. “___,” he sing-songs, slow and sensual and entirely demolishing the walls you have built around yourself. It is at this red light you wish to simply open the door and run.

“Yes?” You manage, wincing at how small your voice sounds and while looking out his window instead of into his eyes, you notice him grip the steering wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white. The tension is insurmountable, weighing in heavily on your chest and you desperately wish to arrive home, even though that means having to survive the next twelve hours with him. Anything is better than the small confines of his car.

“What do you want to do when we get home?” He asks, cool as a cucumber. You pale. It is a dangerous question and you do not know if he realizes that. “Um,” you cough, scooting to sit up straight, “whatever you want.” You whisper the last part, genuinely petrified because you have absolutely no idea if your brain is twisting everything to make it seem like Hyunjin is flirting or if things are totally normal. No idea.

“Hm,” he offers, tilting his head in thought, “we shall see.”

Yeah. We shall.

The rest of the ride is quiet, comfortably or uncomfortably you cannot say because you are too busy trying to calm the Spongebob burning office scene occurring inside your own head, hopelessly telling yourself that everything is fine, Hyunjin’s fine, you’re fine. Just pretend like nothing happened, you tell yourself when Hyunjin pulls into his driveway with practiced ease. “Ugh,” he groans after retrieving your bag from the back seat, and you watch with a raised brow as he skips up to his porch, yelling, “I have to pee!”

“Begone with you, piss boy,” you tease, holding the screen door open for him as he struggles to unlock the storm door and pulling on one of his hoodie’s drawstrings just to annoy him. “Stop,” he growls, low and playful but nevertheless sending a swarm of butterflies to your tummy. You ignore him. Finally unlocking the door, Hyunjin shoves the keys into his pocket and seizes your wrist, yanking your arm down with enough force to nearly topple you into him. “Why are you being so annoying tonight?” He frowns at you, nose and brows scrunched in irritation and it is only because of his proximity do you finally soften up.

“Sorry,” you pout back, bringing your other hand up to boop his nose, “I just missed ya.”

“Ew,” he snorts, stepping past the threshold and kicking off his shoes. You follow suit, closing the door behind you and clicking the lock into place as Kkami comes sprinting over. “B-R-B,” Hyunjin announces, presumably bouncing away to the bathroom.

“Oh, boy,” you huff, squatting to pick up the fluffy little dog and hugging him close to your chest, “your dad is making my life very difficult.” Pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head, you put Kkami back down and grab your bag before heading upstairs, knowing Hyunjin is going to take his grand old time and probably take a shit while he’s at it. Plus, you’re impatient and dying to take your bra off.

Aside from what light his Gudetama nightlight offers, Hyunjin’s room is ultimately left dark. Here’s the thing: he used to have a lamp on his dresser, but then he took it with him to college and only brings it home for summer because he’s lazy and sleeps the majority of the time he’s home, anyway. Instead, he put up his little remote-controlled Christmas tree in addition to the lava lamp he has beside his bed. Perfect. For Hyunjin, at least.

Switching both of these on, their subtle glow offers just enough to keep you from banging your toe against something. It’s happened one too many times. Hyunjin’s room isn’t messy— he really isn’t a messy person to begin with, but he will reorganize the furniture in his room fifty times a year and you never know where the crooked leg to his bedside table will be to ambush your pinky toe.

Setting your bag onto his bed, you excitedly fumble past all your layers and unclasp your bra, maneuvering out of it with a delighted exhale just as Hyunjin begins his ascent up the stairs, steps creaking loudly under his heavy trudging. “I’m an idiot,” he grumbles, leaning against the doorframe to catch his breath.

You don’t bother to look at him, opting to quickly retort instead, “We been knew.”

“Ugh,” Hyunjin groans, exasperated, and you finally turn to him after successfully jamming aforementioned undergarment into your bag, “anyways. I don’t know why I didn’t just come up here, because I have to wash my face anyway and you do too and now we’re both going to have to share a sink.”

“Aw,” you coo, tone dripping with sarcasm as you pat his arm, “poor baby has to share the bathroom.”

“I’m actually going to strangle you,” he sighs, nevertheless following after you into the bathroom.

“Kinky.”

Hyunjin glares, unamused as he opens a drawer for his pink bow hairband and your striped pink and blue one that he bought for you, but keeps here for sleepovers. Yeah. He throws it to your face. “Sorry,” you offer, pulling the soft headband up to hold your hair back, “I’ll try to stop. I’m just so used to annoying you.”

“Clearly,” he scoffs, flashing his stupidly cute teasing smile and in your head, you imagine raising a white flag in surrender— he’s got you, he’s won, it’s over. Time to call it quits and head home. Evidently shut up (for now), you offer him a roll of your eyes before turning on the sink to wet your hands before pumping out some of his scrumptious watermelon face wash. Maybe if you scrub hard enough, you’ll manage to rinse away all the overwhelming thoughts of the night, too.

Barefaced Hyunjin is immaculate. Well, Hyunjin is immaculate twenty-four hours out of the day, but barefaced, freshly washed, hair messy, ready for bed Hyunjin is immaculate, and you are one of the few people lucky enough to see this eighth wonder of the world as often as you do.

Now, maybe it has something to do with the unexpected ambiance the light from his laptop, Christmas lights, and lava lamp have created together that makes him look so unfairly beautiful at this given moment. Or, you’re just insanely pussywhipped and looking for an excuse. You try not to think about it.

“Why are you so squirmy tonight?” He asks, frustrated enough to interrupt Kermit singing ‘Shawty I don’t mind’ playing from his laptop. “I’m not,” you defend, a weak argument indeed, given that you have just finished adjusting your position beside him for the umpteenth time.

“I mean, four female Ghostbusters? The feminists are taking over! I’m an ad—”

“___, you’ve touched my dick like four times. Don’t try and tell me you’re not squirmy. What’s wrong?” Hyunjin interrupts a second Vine, and even goes on to talk over ‘I have the power of God and anime on my side!’ like a lunatic. Oh Christ, you have? Surely you would have noticed. “Sorry,” you mumble, embarrassed as you bury your face into the curve of his pectoral and instinctively move your leg settled between his away, “I’m just hot, to be honest.” Technically, it is not a lie. Hyunjin’s family definitely keeps their thermostat at a higher temperature than yours and you always manage to sweat your ass off every time you come over. This time, however, you are certain it has more to do with the assault your heart is facing rather than your sweat glands.

At the sound of his tap against the spacebar to pause the video, you wordlessly and reluctantly sit up from your comfortable spot beside him in order to rid yourself of your heavy sweatshirt. Now, here lies the problem. Sweatshirt: off. Nipples: out. Realistically, Hyunjin has seen your boobs a number of times over the past few years, and even if he hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t even bat an eye. But right now, your heart is on the line, you’re embarrassed and you’re trying to play it extremely safe.

You toss the hoodie to the floor and nestle right back where you were anyway, slinging your right arm over his torso and ignoring his sharp intake of breath when you snuggle closer. “Better?” He asks, voice strained and it literally makes you nauseous. “Yep.”

He resumes the video. You had started early in the night watching Pom Poko, which unsurprisingly ended with the two of you crying at the bittersweet ending, then moved to TikTok compilations on YouTube to cheer up before moving on from them and onto the classic Vine compilations. You paid good attention for the most part, chuckling along with him to ‘What up, I’m Jared, I’m nineteen and I never fucking learned how to read,’ ‘Bruh chill, I don’t know why you in a big time rush,’ and all the other absolute comedic masterpieces. But after the fourth or fifth video of the same six second clips with an occasional rare one, you began to grow bored and decided to do what you do best: admire Hyunjin.

Sure, ‘Come get yo juice!’ followed by the loud smash of the oven made you smile, but you found the flashing lights casting shadows beneath Hyunjin’s eyes and lips much more fascinating. Of course, this is not the first time you have been held so close to him. But it is, however, all too easy to get lost in the sight of him and you’ve noticed recently that you are in desperate need of a map. Whether it’s due to your time away from him or simply an appreciation for untouched beauty you do not know.

Even now, your gaze flickers to his laptop once you hear ‘Get to Del Taco,’ but having already watched it five thousand times you tilt your head upward to catch Hyunjin’s silent giggle at ‘free-sha-voca-do.’ It’s a vicious cycle, really, going back and forth between wanting to simply enjoy the night and realizing enjoying the night lies totally in Hyunjin’s presence. And so, you continue to fall into this trap each time until you pay no mind to the videos at all, basking in the brilliance of Hyunjin’s joyous smile and the warmth his happiness makes you feel. It is this thought that slowly tugs you to sleep, a fight to keep your heavy eyelids open lost until finally, you give in to the comfort and allow yourself to drift off to the sound of ‘Step the fuck up, Kyle.’

You think you are dreaming.

You think.

“___,” the softness of Hyunjin’s voice at the crown of your head eases you from the clutches of sleep and you stretch your locked limbs before curling further into his side. “We didn’t open presents.” Even though you can’t see him, you can hear his pout, and you realize you must be awake to hear the disappointed words caught sluggishly between his lips so vividly. You hum, hesitant to open your eyes because you really want to go back to sleep. Just for a little while. And so, you ask, “What time is it?”

“Just past two,” he whispers.

You hum again, trying to formulate a sensible sentence in the parts of your brain still asleep, “We can… wake up at four. And open gifts. Okay?”

“Okay, weirdo,” Hyunjin chuckles to himself, sliding lower down the mattress after shutting his laptop.

You think you are dreaming.

You think.

You can’t remember ever falling asleep facing each other. But yet again, your brain is clouded beyond capability and now, you know for certain you are dreaming. Hyunjin never faces you.

Blinking slowly, it takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to the impenetrable darkness and you struggle to make out the features of Hyunjin’s face. You know you are dreaming, and so you tug him closer, throwing a leg over his thigh and an arm over his waist. Even in your sleep, you feel the sadness pricking at your heart, for even it knows this is only what dreams are made of. You like to make the best of it.

“You know I love you, Jinnie, right?” Your voice comes out funny, drawn out and mumbled like your tongue is numb and you fight the urge to feel for yourself.

“Of course I do. I love you too.” His reply surprises you. You thought he was asleep and, either way, hearing such fond words from him puts your heart at ease. He must be misunderstood.

“No. I mean like… I like you, love you. Like I want to kiss you… kiss you good morning and before bed love you. Send you hearts and take stupid couple pics and… go on dumb dates love you. You know?” Your words feel garbled and incomprehensible the longer you go on, trying to express how you feel when nothing is real proving to be increasingly difficult. God, if only you could do it when things are real.

You start to feel yourself slipping as he mutters a reply, mind in free fall and fuck, fuck, fuck, he’s whispering and you can’t hear him but you are too tired and helpless to wake yourself up to hear it. No, too lost in the next dream to go back. You can’t tell what is real and what isn’t. Christ, were you awake? You can’t tell. All you know is that you are warm, so, so warm and letting sleep take over you once more is the best answer to all your questions.

Hyunjin always says he hates waking people up. Because he’s normally the one needing to be awoken, whenever the roles are swapped he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.

This time, however, he takes it upon himself to repeatedly smack your face with his pillow. Not a fun experience when it’s coming from someone who fails to recognize his own strength. “Jesus, fuck! Okay!” You hiss, the cloud of sleep abruptly ripped away from you with the slap of his pillow against your skin. Arms raised defensively in front of you, you catch his next swing and tear the pillow out of his grasp to shield yourself all before you have even opened your eyes. When you do so, with the blatant intention just to find where he is and hurl the pillow at him, you are met with the harsh light from his ceiling fan and have to squint past the stinging white light to see his shit-eating grin.

“Was that necessary?” You groan, undeniably annoyed and wanting to glare at him more but needing to rub the ache out of your eyes. “Yes,” is all he says, reaching for your bag and catapulting it to you. He is incredibly lucky you are quick enough to catch it before it thumps against your head. What has gotten into him? Did he eat an entire bag of Pixy Stix while you were asleep? You watch, still dazed from sleep and reeling from the whole pillow smacking attack, as he flings open his closet door and turns back around with two neatly wrapped boxes. You squint to make out the dancing Santa T-rex wrapping paper.

“Oh,” you chirp, understanding, and you unzip your bag to retrieve the large box taking up the majority of space, “thanks for waking me up. I’m surprised you remembered. Did you stay up?”

A rosy blush burns its way across his cheekbones. Odd. “I, um— yeah. No, actually,” he stutters, really odd, given he was bouncing off the walls not even thirty seconds ago, “I set an alarm. You made me sleepy.” Hyunjin sits beside you once you have scooted over, leaning against the wall and crossing his long ass legs. He keeps his eyes trained on the boxes in his hands. “Oh,” you hum, looking to your own gift and suddenly wishing for the mattress to swallow you up, “sorry. I haven’t gotten as much sleep as you on break so far.”

“I don’t think anyone ever has,” he jokes and you finally look to him, sharing a cheeky smile before he gets all shy again, tongue darting out to wet his lips, “um, Merry Christmas, ___.”

It’s a simple phrase, but it makes your heart swell. “Merry Christmas to you too, Hyunjin.” Leaning over, you wrap your arms around his shoulders in an awkward side hug, but still end up feeling all drunk and loopy on love when he eagerly returns the gesture, arms curling around you.

“Okay,” you huff, sitting back, “me first.” You dramatically hold your gift out to him, jittery and nervous all over. Buying for Hyunjin is always hard. He’s just so easy to please, but when you want to do more than just please him it’s a constant battle trying to decide how far out you are going to go for him each year.

You watch impatiently as he tears the wrapping paper open first, and then finally lifts the flaps of the box up. “Aw,” he whimpers, pulling out the quokka plushie and attached certificate, “you adopted a quokka for me?”

You grin when he hugs the soft stuffed animal to his chest, the weight on your shoulders partly lifted from his positive reaction. He reaches back into the box, brow scrunched in thought as he regards the framed picture. “The First Day…?” Hyunjin asks, perplexed as he reads the title above the constellation poster. You scoot closer, leaning over to look it over once more. “This was the constellation of stars on our first day of freshman year. The day we first met.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin sniffs, “that’s really awesome, ___. Thank you. This is coming with me to school.” At this, he hugs you again, probably to hide the tears you know are threatening to spill because Hyunjin is Baby and cries every year. “Anything for my favorite fake Aussie,” you smile, leaning your head on his shoulder as he reads through the quokka adoption letter.

“Okay! Your turn!” He exclaims, setting his gifts back into the box and passing you the smaller one of his. He catches your curious glance to the second one he keeps by his side. “We have to open this one together.”

“Christ, okay. Looks like I’m gonna be crying tonight, too,” you sigh sadly. “Ooh,” jumping ahead of yourself, you wiggle your eyebrows at the white box before you, “Hyunjin if you bought me a Fitbit… I swear to God. How many times have I said I am not working out with you?” However, once you finish tearing open the wrapping paper you find it is not, in fact, a Fitbit.

“It’s not a Fitbit, idiot,” Hyunjin scoffs a second too late, waiting for you to slip the lid off the box. “They’re bond touch bracelets.”

“Explain,” you murmur, enamored but confused at the two little house arrest looking bracelets.

“So basically, we each wear one,” Hyunjin starts, taking one of the bracelets out and a burst of color blooms across its small screen at the motion, “and if you touch it, mine vibrates and I ‘feel’ your touch.” As he explains, he buckles it around your wrist, twisting it so it lies correctly. You silently take the second one and help it on him, brain too caught up to actually say anything.

“Try it,” Hyunjin whispers, suppressing his excitement.

You gingerly bring a finger to the little screen, tapping it once, twice. Nothing happens. Frowning, you try again, tapping and holding, then a second time, and finally— a strip of pink light appears and the bracelet gently vibrates as you tap and hold a random pattern. In response, the bracelet on Hyunjin’s wrist lights up blue, buzzing in the same pattern.

“Oh, Hyunjin,” you sniffle, fighting back your own tears because you refuse to let yourself ugly cry in front of him, “this is amazing. Now I can annoy you year-round. Thank you so, so much. I love you so much.” He hums, pulling you close when you turn to give him a proper hug. To your utmost surprise, however, instead of letting go he curls one fist into your side and helps swing your legs over to straddle his lap. “Oh.”

“___,” Hyunjin sighs thoughtfully, fingers playing with the sleeves of your tee, “I love you, too.”

You nearly spit up your coffee. If you were drinking coffee. Instead, you’re left with a dry mouth and a slack jaw at his words. Huh?

Glancing to the constellation picture peeking out of his box, and then to the matching bracelets you both wear, you find your mind reeling trying to make sense of it all. Yeah, you say the forbidden L-word to each another all the time, but most certainly not with you on his on lap and his lips mere centimeters away. The answer is so obviously clear as day you have trouble believing it.

“Fuck,” you laugh all of a sudden, as soon as the realization hits you, “I wasn’t dreaming, was I?”

Hyunjin lets out a joyous giggle, hands linking behind your back. Unable to hide his smile any longer, he clarifies, “You were not, madam. We literally just finished talking about when we were going to open gifts and then I got ready to sleep. Two seconds later you dumped your heart out to me, but when I answered, you were asleep.”

“Bruh,” you wince, hiding your face with your hands, “I am so sorry you had to deal with that.”

“No, don’t be,” Hyunjin comforts, reaching to tug your hands away. Your gut does somersaults when he intertwines his fingers with yours. “I was actually, uh, planning on doing some sort of confession to you anyway, but then you went right ahead and did it for me. So thanks for that.”

“Wow,” you chuckle, trying to wrap your mind around it all, “does that mean you, ahem, perhaps like me too?”

“No, I just got us really couple-y long distance relationship bracelets, pulled you onto my lap, and kissed you because I just want to be friends.”

“You didn’t kiss m—”

The sly little fucker interrupts your retort by quickly dipping down to press a fat smooch to your lips, missing miserably and you don’t know if he did it on purpose but you quickly fix the problem, releasing his hands to cradle his jaw and tilt his head the right angle. Finally, finally you kiss him, breathing in the smell of him like some sort of aromatherapy and whimpering into his mouth when his tongue swipes against your own. It is like nothing you have ever experienced, the taste and feel of him making you tremble and igniting a burst of electricity through your veins. You could kiss him forever, you think, sucking on his plump bottom lip greedily until he finally pulls back, desperate for air or trying to reel himself in you can’t say.

“You have to open your other gift,” Hyunjin reminds, chest heaving, and your gaze follows his long fingers as they comb his hair away from his forehead. Automatically, as if kissing Hyunjin once grants you some kind of free pass to do the same, you brush a few stray strands away from his face before leaning back to admire him. “Stoooop. You can’t do that and not expect me to kiss you again. Open. Your. Gift.” Hyunjin whines, squishing your cheeks and turning your head away.

“Okay, don’t blame this on me,” you huff, reaching for the second box before jabbing a finger into his chest, “you, sir, need to stop being so beautiful for like, two seconds.”

He scoffs, helping you rip off the wrapping paper, “You’re the beautiful one here.”

“Ew,” you wrinkle your nose, most certainly not used to Hyunjin dishing out such compliments, “this is too Hallmark Christmas movie for me. Let me open my gift in peace, ugly.” This box, unlike the bracelets’, is simple cardboard and when you lift open the lid, a brown leather book looks back at you. “You remember Up?” He asks.

On the leather, it reads Our Adventure Book in mismatched colors. “Yeah,” you whisper, flipping open the cover to find two baby pictures glued on the paper, one of Hyunjin, and one of you. At the top, it’s labeled ‘Before Shit Went Down.’ You laugh.

On the next page, there are random photographs from middle school, and then finally each other’s eighth grade graduation portraits. Then, written at the top is ‘Here It Begins,’ followed by a selfie he randomly took with you a few weeks into school freshman year, and then some from homecoming. Silently flipping through the rest of the book, your tears flow freely now, touched beyond comparison at all the photographs and all the memories accompanying them. Some are from large events like prom, others from random moments you don’t even remember, but each and every one comes together to form a special mold fitting perfectly into that Hyunjin-shaped hole in your heart.

The last picture is from the christening last month. Of course, it isn’t one of the nicer photos his mom took of the two of you, but a SnapChat selfie with the flaming sunglasses filter. He’s mid-laugh and you’re pressing a kiss to his cheek. Funny thing is, you don’t even remember taking it.

The page next to it is blank, aside from what’s written at the top of the page. “Togetha Foreva,” you read aloud, voice choked up and God, you cannot fathom how gross you look right now. “What the fuck, man!” You sob, punching Hyunjin’s shoulder before wiping your nose and cheeks with the back of your hands. “I didn’t sign up for this cock and ball torture.”

Hyunjin laughs loudly at this, pulling you into a hug and giving you a few seconds to recover. “Hyunjin, this is like… seriously the best thing anyone has ever done for me, holy shit. God, you Pinterest son of a bitch, this is such a good idea,” you groan, flipping back through the pages and getting teary-eyed all over again, “I can’t express how much this means to me, Jinnie. Thank you, really.”

Flashing that toothy grin of his, Hyunjin tugs you to lie back down with him and tilts your head up to press a much more accurate kiss to your lips. “I meant what I said before, ___,” he murmurs, “I don’t know what to do without you, and I know we only get to see each other once a month but I can’t keep living as just friends. You’re so much more than that. And I hope all the pictures we add from now on will show this new chapter of our lives. If not, well, then I guess I’ll just burn the book.”

“Are you asking me to be Kkami’s official poop-picker-upper?”

“Yes. Wait— what? No!”

You break into a fit of laughter, only to be interrupted with him pinching your side and causing you to let out a yelp. “Hey!” You bark, jumping closer to him and away from his hand until, finally, you give in to your self-indulgence and go right on ahead in swinging a leg over his hips and pinning him beneath you.

“You ruined my serious love speech, ___,” Hyunjin pouts, face scrunched up at you.

“I’m sorry, baby, go on.”

You pause, blinking slowly at him. He blinks back, the silence in the air weighing in heavily as both of your two brain cells bounce around trying to figure out what did you just call him?

“Never mind,” Hyunjin says, voice a low rumble of thunder as he reaches for your hips and easily flips positions, “I think you’re on the same boat.”

You laugh, tilting your head back and eyeing him indignantly. Fuck, he looks unfairly delectable hovering above you.

“Okay, how many more times do I have to tell you I love you for you to formally ask me to be your girlfriend, stupid?” You scowl, bringing your hands to cradle his neck, thumbs brushing delicately against his jaw.

“Call me baby again and we’ll see about making that happen.”

You raise a brow, tugging his face closer by the chain of his necklace. “You’re lucky it’s Christmas, baby.”

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[thetomorrowshow]

a jig in plaited time

Happy holidays, @under-the-blue-moonlight ! I really enjoyed writing up some intrulogical content for you (and this may actually get additional chapters lol, I’m really happy with it).

Here is your @sanderssidesgiftxchange gift!

ships: Intrulogical, background Royality

cw: anxiety, intrusive thoughts, panic attack, mannequins, mentions of food

~

Why was Remus at the mall?

That was a simple question, with a just as simple answer. He was at the mall for a suit and tie, one he needed for his brother's wedding. It needed to be “salmon” or whatever, with a blue tie.

A much less simple answer was to the next question.

Why was Remus at the mall on Black Friday?

In all honesty, Remus hadn't known about Black Friday until he arrived. He hadn't really had a good feeling about it on the way here, but he'd paid no mind to his instincts. He didn't often have a good feeling about anything. There had been far too many cars for this time of morning on a weekday. What had really tipped him off, though, was the huge sign in the window of Nordstrom's.

'BLACK FRIDAY SALE!'

Even at that point he wasn't entirely sure what that meant. It became far more clear when he entered the building to find it absolutely packed. Well, there could be an upside to this. Maybe there would be a sale on the suit he needed.

Remus hadn't been this close to someone since he was in the womb, and he could not say that he was very comfortable with it. Remus didn't care much for close spaces and touching people, he hadn't since middle school. It just made him feel sort of icky.

As soon as possible, he ducked out of Nordstrom's, only to find that the rest of the mall was in a similar condition. JC Penney actually looked worse. Normally when Remus was feeling overwhelmed, he'd sidle into Hot Topic or somewhere else with obnoxiously loud music. By drowning his feelings in the noise, he generally was able to recollect himself. The mall was certainly loud, but not in a good way at all. Even if he tried to find someplace with music, he wouldn't be able to enjoy it with all these people.

Remus was stressed. But he needed this suit, seeing as his brother's wedding was literally tomorrow. Why did he leave it this late? Well, Remus knew he was nothing if not a master procrastinator. He also knew he couldn’t be the only one.

Remus waded his way through the crowd to a relatively people-free corner and wiggled his phone out of the pockets of his definitely too-small jeans (not that he'd admit they were too small out loud—his brother had told him they were on every occasion he wore them) and texted the wedding group chat.

Remus: hey im at the mall. anything yall need?

Robro: Why are you at the mall on black friday?

Patty-Cake: ooh can you get me a pair of sunglasses? Mine broke last week

Remus: sure. stuff for wedding?

Robro: idk. Let me ask mom

Remus shoved his phone back in his pocket, then extracted it again as it buzzed a moment later.

Robro: Yeah mom says get some classy decor or something

Ant: I don't think remus knows what classy means

Remus: shut up i got this

Toby: wait what's going on? It's like 10am why are you all awake

Robro: idk if you knew this tobes but I'm getting married tomorrow

Toby: shut up man

Ant: even Remy knows

Sleep: even i know loser

Remus: toby do u need help

Toby: I hate it heeere

Patty-Cake: Aw Toby that isn't very nice! And good morning everyone!

Robro: hello sunshine!! <3

Sleep: i need you both to not start that

Remus: get a room dorks

Okay, classy decor. Sunglasses for the groom. Pink suit. Blue tie. Probably some dress shoes. A wedding present. Dress socks too. Did Remus need to have a tie pin? He'd ask later. Napkins, definitely. No one ever had enough napkins at events. Did he need to have a pocket handkerchief?

Remus checked the list of what his suit needed that Roman had sent him a month or two ago. Yes, a blue pocket square. This was a lot.

Remus swallowed back his sudden panic and took a few deep breaths, jamming his still-buzzing phone back into his pocket. He could do this. Sunglasses first, there was a Sunglasses Hut within eyesight. All he had to do was fight through the crowd.

He reached the kiosk with few incidents and surveyed the sleek glasses for five minutes before seeing a pair that were shaped like a cartoon frog. Patton would love those. And if he didn't, then Remus just got a neat pair of sunglasses! He purchased the glasses and moved on to the next place to conquer.

-

By the time Remus was back at Nordstrom's, he was completely out of energy. Nordstrom's had two levels, and so much stuff, and so many people. He still had to get the suit and socks, and the wedding present. Maybe it seemed like he hadn't done much, but he had actually done a lot, considering how busy the mall was. He'd barely escaped a fistfight outside of the electronics store. The fact that he'd been able to get shoes and so-called 'classy decor' and napkins? Remus was pretty proud, all things considered.

Nordstrom's was even busier than when he left, which was certainly distressing. Remus couldn't even see any clothes. Was that a mannequin or a really tall lady? Was that the escalator, or a bunch of people climbing on top of each other?

What if I set off a bomb right here? Would the whole tower fall down, the ones on top not actually hurt until they hit the ground?

Remus shook off the intrusive thought. This was getting bad. It was already almost one—that meant that not only was he stressed, but he was getting hungry. His thoughts would continue to devolve until he got out of here and got some food.

I could eat that man! That would certainly clear the place out, and I'm sure he's delicious!

Remus groaned. He needed to sit down, but there were no seats free anywhere. He hefted his bags higher on his shoulders and forged on. He had to get this suit, or else the wedding would be ruined. The man in question (who was fairly attractive) bumped him, and Remus had to close his eyes to fight his brain. This was getting out of hand.

There was a little square cut out in the wall where a headless mannequin stood, no doubt showing off the latest in boys' fashion. Remus ducked between its legs and pushed his back up against the wall, knees drawn up close to his chest. He pulled out his phone with some difficulty.

Remus: hey so ro does my suit need a tie pin

Robro: Don't worry abt it, mom got matching tie pins for everyone

Sleep: ree babes are you buying ur suit now?

Remus: shut up

Sleep: on black friday?

Remus: no

Ant: did you even know it was black friday

Remus: ...

Toby: wait the wedding is tmrrw

Robro: Believe me tobias I'm aware

Remus: yah ik im not buying the whole suit just shoes

Robro: Good I almost had a heart attack, you almost certainly wouldn't be able to find one

Now truly panicking, Remus dropped his phone onto his stomach and buried his fists in his hair. How was he supposed to find a salmon suit and a blue tie, as well as nice socks? Plus a wedding present? Especially in this crowd, when he had no clue where to even look for a suit. And he still had to go to the party tonight, then the wedding tomorrow, and it was so loud. Everyone was yelling over each other, and Remus couldn't even hear his own thoughts—except the bad ones. Why did he have to put this off so long? He needed out, he wasn't going to be able to get any of the stuff, he was going to ruin the wedding, like he ruined everything—

“Hello, may I help you?”

Remus looked up—at least, as up as he could look, with a mannequin just above him—to see a bespectacled store clerk looking down at him. 'Logan', his nametag read.

Remus opened his mouth, then closed it again before a string of curses could come out. He really wasn't doing well. There was just too much, too much everything.

“Is there anything I can help you find?” Logan asked, his voice rumbling a bit—or maybe it was the thunder of people in the shop. Whatever it was, it made Remus's stomach drop a little.

“Um, uh, pink!” If Remus had any shame, he would have slapped his own face. As it was, he started trying to pantomime a suit while stuck in a tiny hollow in the wall. Logan watched kindly, his face not betraying the disgust he was probably feeling.

“Pink what? Shirt?” Logan guessed. Remus shook his head, running his hands down his legs. Pants too, pants too.

“Pink . . . coat? Shorts? Pants?”

Remus traced back over his arms, almost crying. Here he was, bothering this poor clerk with his stupid non-verbal self.

“A pink suit?”

Remus jumped for joy, hitting his head on the crotch of the mannequin, instantly shuddering at the thoughts that flooded into his head. Logan held out a hand, and Remus took it, allowing himself to be pulled out of the wall.

“I can direct you to the suit section, right this way.”

Remus let himself be led by Logan, who occasionally looked back to make sure he was still there. The man had a curly mop of dark hair, and was slightly shorter than he was—not that it was a problem. Or anything important. Remus wasn't looking for a date. He was inconveniencing a store clerk on Black Friday. Although, he did need a plus one for the wedding. . . .

No, it was out of the question. He didn't even know this man. Roman would be upset if he ruined the wedding even more by showing up with some rando who would probably jump in the wedding cake or spill food all over the nice tablecloths or turn out to be really ugly because he was just wearing a mask made of someone else's face.

“Here is where the suits are. Do you need anything else?”

Remus stared at him, his mouth opening and shutting a few times. He wanted to say something stupid, like yeah, I need those eyes in my life, or something far more obscene, but he was okay. He could do this. He could survive peopling.

Logan gave him a sympathetic smile. “I can help you find the right suit, if that's what you require.”

Before he could stop himself, Remus was nodding. He let Logan pull him past a crying couple and two arguing families to a rack of suit coats that were red.

“Will these suffice?” the clerk asked, gesturing at them. Remus frowned. They weren't pink. Was the man messing with him? Seeing his look, Logan checked the tag and groaned. “Apologies, I'm colorblind. I could have sworn these were pink. Hopefully the last customer who I pointed this way was not upset.”

That was a joke, right? Remus almost laughed, but knew if he did he would start crying. Logan led him through the crowd with seemingly unending patience, occasionally smiling gently at him. Remus felt his heartrate spike every time one of those smiles was sent his way, but for a reason completely unrelated to the overpowering noise and crowd.

Logan found him a probably very nice pink suit—Remus wasn't really looking at it. Then Logan was kind enough to let him into an employee restroom to try it on, seeing as the dressing rooms had a line that ran all the way to the front doors. It fit nicely, tight (though not as tight as his jeans) and sleek, accompanied with a blue tie that Logan had found while he was changing.

“That looks very sharp on you, sir,” Logan informed him, as Remus blushed.

“Remus,” he blurted out. Logan raised his eyebrows.

“After the character in Roman mythology?” asked Logan, his tone betraying something like excitement. Remus nodded, then looked down at the tie.

“We—didn't look at—at ties yet,” he stammered, trying to make his voice work. “Where—?”

“Ah, it happens to be one of mine,” Logan said. For the first time, he looked a little uncomfortable. “I keep one in my locker for emergencies, and I thought it would look nice on—it would look nice. With the suit.”

Remus finally found the courage to smile back. “Thanks, Specs. Uh, sorry for taking up so much of your time. I'll just buy this, it's dope.”

“Oh no, I do not at all mind assisting you,” Logan said quickly. “At least I don't have to deal with . . . whatever is going on.”

“You could assist me by being my date!”

Logan stared.

Remus clapped a hand over his mouth.

“. . . What?”

“Nothing, nothing nothing,” said Remus. “I just—um—you need to get your tie back right? And I—if you let me, of course—I could just wear it, save money and all that, and you could come and then take it home so that I don't steal it or whatever?” He scrunched his eyes up, turning away so as to catch no sight of Logan rejecting him. Why did he have to say that? The noise pressed down on him again; despite still being in the staff restroom, it was almost too loud to bear.

“Wear it . . . where?”

Remus would already be curled up on the floor were it not for the very un-purchased suit he was currently wearing. “Um, my brother's wedding tomorrow?” he chanced, hands clenched over his eyes.

The utter disbelief in Logan's voice was clear as a bell. “You are buying a suit . . . for a wedding . . . that is tomorrow. On Black Friday, of all days.”

Tears choked Remus's throat. “Y-yeah, I'm really bad at planning.” Why was he even asking this cute clerk out anyway? Just because Roman kept teasing him for not having a date to the wedding? Or did he actually have a crush on Logan?

He searched his feelings briefly, and found almost instantly that he for sure had a crush. Okay, that was a lot to deal with right now. They had just met! It was just . . . the way he smiled at him, the way he didn't abandon him even though he'd been having a panic attack for about an hour at this point, how gentle and kind he was. Not to mention how put-together he was. And his hair? That was just hot.

Now though, just seconds after realizing he liked Logan, the guy was going to reject him because he had run his stupid mouth. Remus cringed. The silence had gone on for far too long.

“Well, I expect you to pick me up an hour before the event begins. I do not currently have my own means of transportation. You are quite fortunate that I do not work tomorrow.”

Wait.

What?

“You—you really—?” Remus's voice broke. He jumped as Logan lay a warm hand over his own, which were still pressed into his eyes.

“Of course,” Logan said kindly. “I know very little about you, but I rather feel that—and no offense meant—you will be distressed at such a large event as a wedding. I would love to continue to assist you.” He coughed, then added, “Also, the streak in your hair is very attractive.”

Remus almost sighed in relief. This was okay. He let Logan pull his hands away from his face, then ran a sleeve over his eyes and nose. Logan froze.

“Well, now you have to buy that suit,” Logan said. As an aside, he muttered, “At least it looks good on you.”

“Aw, Lo, you think I look hot?” Remus asked shakily, managing a smile. “What about my jeans? Think I look good in tight clothes?”

Logan turned away, unfortunately letting go of Remus's hands, the tips of his ears turning pink. “Are you always this insufferable?”

Remus slung an arm around his shoulder. “Yep! And you're stuck with me for a whole date!”

Logan pushed his glasses up his nose. “If it doesn't work out, we can just pretend we never met, if you like. We will both move on with our lives. There is no obligation that comes with this date, we are both free to back out at any time.”

Remus quickly retracted his arm from Logan's shoulder, then nodded. That made sense. He did like Logan, and he didn't want to upset him. Shameless flirting was definitely on the table, though.

“When's your lunch break?” Remus asked, as casually as possible. Logan snorted.

“I only have a twenty minute lunch today, they don't want me to leave them without as much help as possible.” Logan went to open the door and exit the restroom, then glanced back. “One o'clock. I plan on getting a sandwich at the Subway in the hall outside of the store. It would be wonderful if someone would wait in line for me and order me an Italian BMT and a bag of potato chips, so that I am not late in returning.”

Remus grinned. Easy-peasy, and just like that he would get to spend some time with Logan before the wedding.

Logan made to leave, but Remus grabbed his arm. “One sec, hot stuff,” he said, butterflies racing through his stomach at Logan's blush, “not to bother you any more or anything, but do you have any suggestions for a wedding present?”

The utter disbelief on Logan's face completely wiped out any blush that had been there. “The wedding is tomorrow, Remus.”

Remus's breath caught. Logan said his name. It sounded so beautiful coming from him. If a heavenly chorus had been singing around him at that moment, it would have been dull compared to Logan saying his name.

Logan sighed. “Of course I have some ideas. Do you need anything else?”

Remus pulled himself together, then grabbed his phone from the pile of his clothes on the floor. He checked the list, ignoring the notifications from the group chat.

“Uh, yeah. A pocket square to match the tie, and some nice socks.”

“That's doable. Tell me about your brother and his partner while we find those items. Perhaps you and I can put together an ideal gift.” Logan stepped out of the restroom to give Remus privacy while he changed back into his clothes. Remus shucked the suit off as quickly as possible. All the intense stimulation had blurred into the background, Logan being the only buzz he needed to keep going.

Remus didn't often have a good feeling about anything, but this? Oh yeah, there was definitely something good here.

#sanders sides gift exchange #sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts sides #ts #remus sanders #ts remus #logan sanders #ts logan #sanders sides fic #remus is a disaster gay #he also has social anxiety which influences his intrusive thoughts #i wrote a couple of my own habits/mannerisms into him #like the fact that when he gets really anxious he plays loud music to drown it out! #it's such a calming thing that i rarely see people write about #and it feels sort of weird that he gets anxious when the surroundings are too loud #when he uses loud music to calm down #but that's just literally me #projection city: population me #also ash i sent you an ask forever ago trying to sound out if you wanted an au or canon-type fic #you said au!! #so here we are #if i end up writing more it'll probably be the wedding from logan's pov #anyway i hope this is something like what you wanted! #happiest of holidays to you! #and anyone else reading! #much love -mas

[bl--ankhaeji]

Jisung

Pairing - Jisung x chubby*Reader

Genre - Fluff

Warning - Suggestive content, insecurities 

A/N - Soo this is a Jisung timestamp but this is done differently than how most do their timestamps also the Jisung in this is different than “usual” Jisung just to let y’all know. He’s getting older so I feel as if the content in here is not that bad and if any of you have problems with Jisung being a regular teenage boy with hormones then oh fucking well. If you want to keep seeing him as a child then this is not for you.  

W. Count - I don’t really know I didn’t look this time but ik it’s longer than I intended

5:30 

As you laid sideways across your bed trying to find the perfect position. You heard your mom in the kitchen cooking what you hope is dinner. Your stomach wailing as soon as the thought crosses your mind. ‘Ah I found it’ you think as the immediate comfort of the perfect laying spot begins to set deep within your body.

 You take a look at your phone and start back reading your story that was shining on the screen. It was starting to escalate as the currently featured side gay couple finally stopped lying to themselves and admittedly jumped each others bones. You feel the little tingle start in the pit of your stomach, it was just getting good when a message came through.

Jisungpwark 💚💚😗🤤🥰🤪:

BABEEEEE 

AHHHH

IM BOREDD

Come play mario kart with me 

You:

UGGHHH

But I just found the perfect laying spot 

And my mom’s cooking dinner 

Tell me why I should get up and come over? what’s in it for me 

Jisungpwark 💚💚😗🤤🥰🤪:

Maybe because you love me and dont wanna see me

 suffer from boredom 

You: 

Do I really love you that much though?

That’s the question of the hour

Jisungpwark 💚💚😗🤤🥰🤪:

First off that hurt 

Second of course you love me or else you wouldnt be 

dating me for 7 years now 

You: 

You forget about that time we broke up in fifth

grade 

Jisungpwark 💚💚😗🤤🥰🤪:

That was for ONE DAY ok 

If you come over I promise to let you win at mario kart

     “What the hell?” you exclaimed slightly outraged at the bullshit he just sent to your phone. Sitting up you feel the competitiveness start to spike. “Did he really just challenge me like that?”

     You get out of bed and start to put your shoes on, “He knows damn well that I can beat his ass without him ‘letting me win.’” 

You:

Stop fucking lying whore you know damn well I can 

beat your ass I mario kart 

See now I have to come over and whoop you at your

own video game

I’ll be over in 10

     Part of you knows Jisung said that on purpose but that didn’t stop you from taking the bait still.

     Walking out of your room you go into the kitchen and see your mother almost done with dinner, the sweet aroma of the food has your mouth watering, stopping for a second you ponder if you should really go play mario kart. 

     “Hey sweets, dinner is almost ready.” your mother turns to you and smiles, taking in your jacket and shoes and she looks at you questiongly.

     Walking around to your mom you give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek as you grab your car keys that sit behind her. “Hey I came to let you know that I was gonna head over to Jisung’s for a little to beat him at mario kart. He threatened me so I have to show him what’s up.”  Hearing your statement, one that she has heard before, your mother laughs and gives you an ok before she recommends just staying the night, knowing that you won’t be back anytime soon. 

     Thinking about it you go and pack a bag. Going towards the front door you’re about to step out when your mom calls you back in the kitchen to which you see her sitting at the table with a plate of food as she slides a container with enough for both you and Jisung. “Thank you mama.” you say smiling so wide that it almost hurt, feeling happy that you get to eat some of f/f(favorite food).

     “You’re welcome sweets. Oh and before I forget, be safe.”

     You left out a huff of air telling your mother that you will be careful driving so she has nothing to worry about.

     In a sing-song voice she goes,“That’s not what I meant.” As you open your mouth to ask what she meant she cuts you off by sliding something across the table. 

     “Mom...what is that. ‘Please don’t let it be what I think it is.’ But as you read the box your fears are confirmed. It is condoms. “Mom what the- EW mom no it’s not, we’re not-” she cuts you off with a raised hand. 

     “Sweetie you’re not in trouble. I know you and Jisung have been together for a very long time, and I trust and love you both. But you’re of the age where you do things like that and you may not feel comfortable telling me, but love safe sex is nothing to be ashame-”

     Never having been this flustered in your life you frantically tried to get her to stop,“MOM. I…” Fidgeting with your hands you start to awkwardly look around the kitchen as if it was the first time you had ever seen it. “...We don’t do those types of things.” 

     “Ok darling, but you never know what might happen.” She states with the smuggest look on her face, winking as she hands you four condoms. “I’m not endorsing it but I know that if you want to do it then there’s nothing I could do to stop you so take these. Also you might want to go ahead and get to his house, your phone has been buzzing for a while now.” She states whilst she started to eat the food that was on her plate. 

     You couldn’t get out of that house quick enough, seeing as how you almost fell walking out of the door. Settling down in the car you release the biggest cringe you’ve ever had in your life. “AHHH ew what the fuck was that!” you exclaim feeling the condoms that burned in your pockets, as if they were trying to set your pants on fire so that they could get put to good use. 

     Finally calming down your phone buzzes with another message from Jisung. You see that he’s left various messages questioning where you are or what's taking so long. Some stating that you must be dead. You shake your head at your silly boyfriend as you reply to his many messages. With a light sigh you put the key in the ignition and back out of your driveway.  

     It was then that you started to look back at you and Jisung’s relationship. You guys started dating in fifth grade when you both got dared to spend seven minutes in heaven at you guys long time friend, Jeongin’s, birthday party. He still holds the fact that the only reason you too got together was because of him, but ever since then you and Jisung have been going strong. 

     Except for that one day in fifth grade when you guys broke up a week after you had gotten together because Mina Jameson had convinced you that Jisung would never want a ‘bludder whale’ like you. Ha jokes on her she’s had five STD’s this year alone and at least two pregnancy scares and she didn’t even know how to say blubber so who’s on top now. 

     Ever since you were a child you’ve always been bigger than most girls and it did make you feel insecure for a very long time, but if it wasn’t for Jisung who reassured you and showered you with as much love as he could every time you slipped you don’t know what life would be like. 

     You loved him with everything you had. 

     You and Jisung had never gone past small makeouts. They barely even involved tongue, there’s no way that things would just escalate tonight out of basically nowhere. Right?

     Yea. Anyways Jisung is too shy for that even though sometimes he could be a cheeky asshole and I don’t know if I’m ready.  

     Seeing that you’ve made it to Jisung’s house you take a look at the time and see that it had been almost two hours as it was 6:45. Damn, well at least I brought food. 

     You greeted your soft looking boyfriend clad in a hoodie that is slightly big on him and Nike joggers, he almost tackled you to the ground when he saw the food in your hands. When he asked what took so long you just told him it was the food. You guys ate the food that your mom gave you and started playing mario kart.

8:23

     After about 15 rematches most of which you won Jisung’s mom called him into the living room. She had an emergency at work and she wanted him to know that she wouldn’t be back till tomorrow.

     “So babe, what are we gonna do now? We could watch a movie or...” Jisung whispered, trailing off as he got in bed next to you and started to survey every inch of your face. It felt as if he was looking into your soul. You felt like he could see every single flaw on your face and you did not like it. As soon as he started leaning in moving his hand to your pillowy waist your mind flashed to the conversation you had with your mother. 

     ‘Is this it? Does he want to do it?’ Overwhelming thoughts started to cloud your mind and pretty soon you found yourself jerking back once you felt the tip of his nose touch yours. The sound of the sheets moving filled the room as you stood up off of the bed. 

     “Uhh it’s getting late, A movie sounds nice I think I’m just gonna go shower right quick and we can watch the movie when I get out, ok?” You state as you quickly gather your shorts that you brought and a hoodie out of Jisung’s closet, and rush into his en suite bathroom almost slamming the door behind you.   

     Turning on the shower to make sure he didn’t hear you, you immediately start to whisper shout, “Ah! What the fuck was that, who the fuck was that and what did he do with my boyfriend. Jisung has never been like that before.” Tying your hair up you hop in the shower feeling the water pelt your skin as you decided to forget about it, but you couldn’t deny the twinge you felt in your stomach every time you thought about how he looked when he stared at you like that. 

9:34

     The movie was boring so you guys decided to play games again. Only for Jisung to see that he was about to lose against you in Mortal Kombat and in an effort to be a little bitch he tackled you. Now wrestling you yell at him in mock anger for ruining the game before you could kick his head off. As you flipped the both of you over so that you were on top you started to pettily slap his arm. 

     “Ahh Park Jisung you dick! I almost won why’d you do tha-” You had gotten too comfortable and loosed up your legs that were caging him in and he was able to flip you mid sentence. It was then you noticed what a compromising position you both were in, it looked somewhat akin to the basic missionary. 

     Letting out quickened breaths you started to heat up as Jisung stayed in between your legs. You could see the slight perspiration sort of dampen his hair. The game made a sound that surprised you a little causing you to sort of jerk your body. At that Jisung let out a groan that sounded like it was painful. 

     Your body alerts and you start to question him,“Jisung I’m sorry are you ok? What happened?” A ferocious blush starts to race across his cheeks. He avoids your eyes and tells you that it was nothing and that he’s fine.

     “Jisung stop lying and would you let me up now, you’ve been laying on me for a while an-” Cool slightly wet lips touch yours. A little startled at first you tense up but then his lips start to move against yours and the tension in your body slowly unwinds till nothing is left but pure bliss. His lips slowly caress yours and this feels like nothing you’ve ever felt in your life. The passion and the want that he puts into kissing you has you going crazy. 

     Once a steady rhythm is set you move your lower body in an effort to get comfortable and Jisung groans again, and you immediately feel something against your leg and you get flustered because now you know why he groaned and you feel like an idiot for not figuring it out sooner. 

     Jisung wants more, more of you, more of this. The high that this is putting him on is euphoric and for now he doesn’t want to stop. He didn’t say anything but when you came out of his bathroom in his hoodie that fit just like a dress because of the height difference and the illusion that you had nothing on under got him so riled up that he almost couldn’t breathe. It was always like that when it came to you. He loved you so much that it was at most times suffocating. He slips his tongue out of his mouth and just barely grazes it against your bottom lip as if he was testing out the water temp in a pool. 

     You feel something wet against your lips realizing that it was Jisung’s tongue and you quickly almost embarrassingly so open your mouth to let him in. His tongue ventures farther into your mouth and for a little bit there you both are, in the middle of the floor in his room exploring each other, tasting each other, and it is as if there is no one or nothing in the world except for you two. 

     Soon enough without realizing Jisung starts to slowly grind his semi-erection right on to your heated core. The feeling was heavenly and neither of you wanted to stop. 

     He lifts off of your lips so that you both could breath but he soon started to kiss all over your neck, and you throw your head back and release a moan that sounded like heaven to his ears. Grabbing your soft plushy sides he starts to feel anywhere that he can and you tense up out of slight fear at what could be his reaction. He runs one hand down to your thigh, lifting it so that it’s placed on his hip softly squeezing while the other starts to make its way to the hem of your hoodie pulling it up slightly, and that’s when the thoughts came. 

     You quickly pushed Jisung off of you and sat up trying to pull the hoodie as far down your body that it could reach. You looked toward Jisung to see that he had a blush the color of a strawberry and his lips were swollen to look even more soft and inviting than normal. Standing up you rush to his bathroom and close the door leaving a severely confused and turned on Jisung on the floor.  

     Looking toward the mirror, multiple hickies are splattered across your neck and when you lift your hand to rub against them you jolt a little at how tender they were. You could also see where it looked as if you had taken a shot at the kylie jenner lip challenge. But that wasn’t where your mind was at, you were focused on what just happened out there. Thoughts of Jisung possibly seeing your chubby stomach riddled with stretch marks made immediate panic course through your veins. 

     You normally were so good with not thinking about things like that Jisung having helped you be able to get here, but now when he was on the precipice of Jisung seeing your body you couldn’t think about anything but the possible disgust at what you really looked like. 

     It’s not like you didn’t trust him or anything but when insecurity strikes it strikes hard. You consider telling Jisung about these feelings considering you always have in the past, but what if he feels as if you’re doubting his love for you and he gets mad.

     You realize that you’ve probably been in the bathroom for a long time and you didn’t want Jisung to worry so you muster up the courage and with a determined release of air you open the door. Only to see that Jisung is not where you left him. 

     “I wonder where he’s at?” You speak into the air until you wonder what time it is and see that it’s 10:15. ‘WTF we were making out for that long’

     Thirty minutes have passed and Jisung is still not back. As soon as you get up to go look for him he walks into the room. 

     “Where were you? You’ve been gone for a little over half an hour.” 

     Jisung looks at you and when he sees your truly confused face he shyly thwarts his eyes and lifts his hand to rub his neck at the realization that he’ll actually have to explain. But before he can you see his shy gaze and it clicks in your mind what he could’ve been doing regarding what you felt earlier. Biting the inside of your lip you tell him nevermind stating that you already know. He apologizes and says he had to do something because he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.      

11:00

     The last fifteen minutes have been filled with an agonisingly awkward aura in the air. You and Jisung have been sitting up against the headboard of his bed staring at some movie on tv but you knew that neither of you were actually paying attention. Jisung’s warm hand slides toward yours and upon contact you jump up and away. 

     “Babe what’s wrong? You’ve been jumpy ever since what happened a while ago. Is everything ok? Did I do something wrong?” Jisung asks with slight guilt in his voice thinking he was the problem. You told him no but he didn’t believe and you kept trying to deny his accusations saying that you were just tired but he wouldn’t take that for an answer.

     He grabbed your chin and sort of gently forced you to look at him and when you saw his warm eyes filled with nothing but love you had no choice but to break down and tell him. 

     Hot salty tears ran down your face and he took his thumb and used it to wipe your tears as you described what happened when he tried to go under the hoodie. You had to continuously reassure him that it was not his fault, but your own. 

     “I promise Jisung you did nothing wrong. I love you so much we’ve been through everything together. It’s my fault for feeling this way even when you constantly shower me with love. I just sometimes, I feel like you shouldn’t like me and when you tried to reach under my hoodie it’s just like I didn’t want my fears to come true once you see my body.” 

     “...Babe I- I don’t know how to approach this like I want you to know how much I truly love you. I honestly love your body so much but I don’t want you to think that's all though.” Jisung stated nervously mildly irritated at himself for not being able to properly express his feelings for you. Starting to think you honestly couldn’t believe why you didn’t trust him. He was your mouse, your tall boi, your marshmallow, your love, and possibly even your life.

     “C’mere” Jisung stated in his deep soothing voice as he pulled you into his lap in a straddle position. 

     What Jisung didn’t know was that you loved whenever you got to sit in his lap, it made you feel giddy inside. 

     Jisung totally knew that you loved to sit in his lap.

     “It’s ok, we don’t have to rush. If you don’t feel comfortable showing your body too me yet then that’s ok...One request though.” He states with a small smile and a single finger held in the air. “Can we at least keep making out like this because I’ve been holding myself back and after tonight I don’t think I can do that anymore.” He promptly flashes a slightly cocky smirk to which you answer with a smack on the arm earning a laugh from him. 

     Wondering why you even date him you give him a lingering kiss on the lips and snuggle into his chest. 

     “Y/n, I noticed that earlier when you were talking about what happened you called this hoodie yours. I just wanted you to- ACK stop choking me- AKKK.” 

Although he was currently being choked he was happy, because he knew that you were ok.

#jisung #park jisung #jisung park #nct #nct dream #nct blog #nct fluff #jisung timestamps #jisung fluff #nct jisung #nct jisung fluff #suggestive #chubby #chubby reader #nctxchubbyreader #nct x chubby reader #nctxreader #nct x reader #MY STORIES

[blkmxrvel]

To Kree or Not To Kree

Pairing: Carol Danvers x Romanoff!Reader; Natasha Romanoff x LittleSister!Reader; Natasha Romanoff x Wanda Maximoff (brief but there!)

Words: 2222

Request: May I please request a Carol Danvers x fem!reader where the reader is really affectionate, but Carol isn’t really cuddly because she’s not used to physical contact? Like, the reader really always wants to kiss/hug Carol but doesn’t cuz she doesn’t want to make Carol uncomfortable? But when Carol initates small bits of affection, like hand holding, the reader gets really happy, and it kinda makes Carol guilty cuz C feels like she doesn’t give R enough love. Sorry if this is confusing I❤u!!!

Summary: You want touch, Carol doesn’t. Carol loves you, you love Carol more. Natasha stands up for her little sister.

Warnings: Carol is a bit of an asshole but means no harm, Natasha is a #mamabear. Angst-ish, but fluffy nonetheless.

A/N: what????? madi managed to post a request???? bitch ik! im sorry it’s taken me so long I was in a bit of a rut there! but iam back and I really like this one. I sorta kinda tried a new writing style? If yall like it lmk. Enjoy!

Everyone says opposites attract, and with you and Carol, it’s quite obvious.

You’re the kind of person who thrives off of human contact and affection. You love anything that involves contact, hugging, holding hands, high fives, cuddling, the whole 9 yards. It’s what gave you the euphoric feeling that everyone craves.

Carol is literally the exact opposite. She stays away from physical contact as much as possible

She doesnt understand the need for it, she wants her space. She doesnt need to….interlock fingers with yours to prove that she loves you. She may have been human, but technically, her wiring was still Kree.

And do you really think they allowed measly… mortal things like hugging and cuddling to slide?

…

That’s what I thought.

You never made a big deal out of it, though. You knew that was just Carol, and you didn’t wanna be the kind of girlfriend that always nags and is never satisfied.

Don’t get me wrong. You’ve tried. Like that once time at the pier.

It was date night, you and carol, and Natasha and Wanda. It was group date:movie on the beach followed by street food and a walk on the pier.

“Group photo!” Everyone huddled together as Natasha stretched her arms to hey everyone in the photo.

You stood by your girlfriend smiling wide, you took a regular photo and then a silly one. You saw Wanda stand on her tiptoes to kiss Natasha on her cheek, so you figured you would do the same to Carol.

I mean…Natasha sure as hell got a kick out of it. And you and Carol were just as much in love and they were.

So, standing on your toes when Natasha went to take another picture, you pressed your lips to Carol eyes.

Big mistake.

Carol froze up, you could’ve sworn she was about to have a seizure with how tense her body got.

“You alright?” Thinking that you crossed a boundary.

“Yeah, Babe. I’m fine.”

You brushed it off and told yourself you were overthinking.

But you weren’t.

For the rest of the night, Carol basically avoided any contact with you, she didnt hold your hand, kiss you on your forehead. None of it.

You chalked it up to her maybe not being comfortable with PDA. You could get with that, I mean…it makes sense. She grew up in a time where people weren’t so open about two women loving each other, and a lot of people today still aren’t it made sense.

But then….Carol not only didn’t show you affection outside, but inside as well.

Everytime you initiated a cuddle session, she would always make some lame excuse “oh, it’s too hot” or “you’re crushing my bladder baby” and she would always play it off.

That happened a lot, like a lot, a lot.

So eventually, you let it go. You didn’t try to hug her, or hold her when she had a bad day. You knew she wasn’t going to hold up or rub your back if you came back from a particularly bad mission that left you with a nightmare. You knew that you weren’t ever going to have that. But you loved Carol, so you were able to deal.

Not being able to be intimate (not sexually) with the one person you loved most took a toll on you, of course it did.

Everyone could see it, especially Natasha.

Nat was your big sister, she was always the one who noticed even the smallest bit of a change in you.

So you bet your bottom dollar that Natasha heard the sigh you let out when she hugged you longer than usual.

This past mission was….brutal, to say the least. You had made it out by the skin of your teeth, broken toe and bruises and scratches everywhere, but alive nonetheless.

Of course, Carol was relieved that you were alive…and she told you that. But sometimes actions speak louder than words. All she gave you was a little smile and peck on the lips. There was no bruising kiss, bone crushing hug. But, you were used to it.

Natasha though, quite the opposite.

As soon as she saw you, her little sister, walk through the compound doors, she gave you the biggest hug.

All you could do was hug back, let out the biggest sigh, and with that came tears. It had been so long since you’d been hugged so passionately. Since someone’s love for you was shown through body movements and physical contact.

Natasha noticed how you were reluctant to pull away, and how when you did. You looked drained, albeit refreshed.

She knew the mission was tough but this was something else. She knew how you looked when it’d been awhile without physical reassurance.

“When was the last time Carol gave you a hug? Held you? Anything?”

And when you couldn’t give a solid answer let alone a recent one, Natasha was ready to rip off a head. You calmed her down of course, saying how it was okay, but She wasn’t having it.

“Why don’t you just tell her how much hugging and affection means to you? You don’t deserve this.” Natasha huffed and crossed her eyes, eyes sad eyes looking into yours.

“Because it’s who she is, Nat.” You tried to explain. “She doesn’t do hugs or late night cuddles. That’s just her.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Yeah? Well you do hugs, and kisses and holding hands and late night cuddles. That’s just who you are. Why are you the only sacrificing and making changes to who you are, when she’s living fine and dandy?” She threw her hands up, eyes wide and expectant with anger.

“Why is she perfectly sane and you’re losing your mind, hell yourself? And why the fuck didn’t you tell me about this earlier?”

Natasha was pissed yes, but it was coming from a place of love. And you knew you needed to hear it.

“I- I don’t know. I just love her and I didn’t wanna make her uncomfortable.”

She sighed. Placing her hands on your arms, rubbing up and down. You smiled. “That’s not love, Y/N/N. You can love Carol all you want, but you don’t love yourself if you’re willing to allow yourself to be hurt like this.”

Natasha was right, she knew that. And she also knew that you weren’t going to say anything to Carol directly. So she took upon herself, as she should.

You slept in between Natasha and Wanda that night. Sandwiched in between your two favorite people family members. Don't…. Don’t tell Tony that.

.

The next morning, Carol jumped up at the sound of banging against her door. It was still dark outside, she didn’t even hear birds chirping yet. Who in the world could that be?

“I don’t care if your decent or not Danvers, I’m coming in.”

The door opened and in walked Natasha romanoff, still in her pajamas, but a wicked look on her face. She sat in the chair facing Carol’s bed, faced hardened and eyes raging.

“Nat what the-”

“We need to talk about Y/N.”

Carol’s eyes widened, sitting up immediately. “I- Is she alright?”

“No, thanks to you.” Natasha raised her eyebrows, attitude spewing from her body language. Spicy.

“What are you talking about?” Carol rubbed her eyes, it was too early to be dealing with yelling and accusations.

“Why haven’t you hugged her? Or kissed her? Or held her after her worst missions? Or told her it was going to be alright when she wakes up screaming from nightmares? Because I’m sure she does. We all do. But unlike Y/N, we have someone to calm us down and make is feel safe? Do you even love her?”

Carol scrunched her eyebrows up at that. “Of course I love her why are you asking that?”

“Are you sure?” Natasha tilted her head. “Because if you did, you would see how tired and sad she looks. How all she wants is a hug and kiss everyone once and a while from her girlfriend! How she just wants to hold your hand when you pass through crowds because they make her nervous and she doesnt want to get lost!”

Carol stuttered. What was Natasha talking about?

“She wants to feel loved. Because actions speak damn louder than words. And you telling Y/N that you love her means nothing if she doesn’t feel it.”

Natasha is pacing around the room now, rage fueling her words. This was for her sister.

“God. She sacrificed the one thing that grounds her the most because you are ‘comfortable’ with physical contact.” Air quotes. “Well too damn bad, Danvers. Sometimes we gotta feel uncomfortable to make the one we love comfortable. And it isn’t even unreasonable, its human! And before you spew that Kree bullshit at me, you have your memories back, and all the feelings that come with it. You know what it’s like. Y/N hasn’t been hugged or held in weeks. She thrives on that. That’s why she probably almost died! Because she just couldn’t think, her body didn’t have enough energy, enough…love to get out of their sooner.” Natasha wiped her eyes, red and puffy eyes before looking at her sisters girlfriend. Her voice cracked all through her rampant speech.

“So before you say, you love her. Do you actions show it? She may be here now, might he huffing it and powering through. But a person can only handle so much before they break. And I’ll be damned if I let you break my sister. So shape up, or ship out, Danvers. My sister comes first.”

And with that…Natasha was gone.

Wow.

Carol just sat in her bed, hair still messy and eyes red and teary.

What kind of girlfriend was she? Natasha was 100% right. She didnt give you enough love, and she feels like a complete ass for not caring. She knew what she needed to do.

The rest of the day went as Normal. You had no idea about the whole Natasha/Carol debacle. And it stayed that way.

You woke up, in a….surprisingly not empty bed. Natasha and Wanda were at your sides, trying to hold in their giggles as they watched TV to not wake you.

Spoiler alert: didnt work.

Natasha asked how you’re feeling, to which you said “better than ever.” They both frowned at that answer. They didn’t even want to ask when was the last time you and Carol slept in the same bed.

You all went your separate ways. It was Sunday, you had training and a debriefing to prepare yourself for. But you needed to shower first. Mentally, you were refreshed, being squished because two bodies and snug like a bug in a rug really gave your mind a boost.

You were sad that it wasn’t Carol on either side of you, but you didn’t dwell too much on it. Not a good idea to think too much.

You walked towards your room, turning the knob to get your things to shower.

You nearly jumped when you saw a disheveled Carol on your bed. Red eyes and a look of pure guilt when she saw you.

“Carol, is everything alright?” She stood up and walked over to you. She played with her hands as she tried to find the right words.

“I just- I.” You reached out to place your hands onto Carol’s, immediately pulling your hands back when you registered just who was standing in front of you.

Carol broke at that. Tears now freely flowing from her eyes as she covered them with her hands.

“You’re scaring me, Car. What’s wrong?” She pulled her hands down and stared at you, the tears never stopping.

Suddenly, you felt yourself being pulled forward and warm, strong arms coming around your waist.

It was an odd feeling, a new one, and it took you a minute, but then you realized.

This is a hug, Carol is hugging you. Oh my god. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for.

You wrapped your arms around Carol’s middle, squeezing tightly as you laid your head on her chest. She squeezed harder, still crying, while words fell from her mouth.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’ve been the worst girlfriend ever. I put myself before you and I let you not put yourself first. I should’ve hugged you everyday, and kissed you on your forehead when you were sleepy and- and held your hand when were in crowds and let you lay on me when you were scared. I’m so sorry. You’re only human and I denied you of the one thing you needed most. Please forgive me.”

You didn’t let go of Carol, or say anything else. You just squeezed harder, your arms coming to wrapped around her neck, as she pulled your body even closer.

Tears sprang to your eyes when you felt her lips press to your forehead.

Was this a dream?

“This was all you wanted and I never gave it to you. You never go without it again I promise, I love you. I love you and I’m gonna show you. No more Kree Carol, Human Carol from now on.”

You placed a kissed on Carol’s neck, smiling when she sighed in relief.

This was all you wanted, and you finally got it. You’re only human.

#carol danvers #carol danvers x reader #carol danvers imagine #brie larson imagine #brie larson x reader #brie larson #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #captain marvel imagine #captain marvel #captain marvel x reader #wlw fanfic #wlw imagine #madi writes

[bellamyblakru]

my ao3 masterlist ft the beginnings of each!🥺

BBC Merlin:

in a burst of light

Merlin didn’t know how he wanted Arthur to find out about his magic. Most of Merlin’s recurring nightmares consist of the possibility that Arthur will react the wrong way. After all these years, Merlin dying on the pyre wouldn’t be the worst situation. 

oh, your love it sunlight

Gaius said he needed fireflies for a new potion he was working on, but Merlin secretly thought he was just trying to get rid of him for a few hours. Merlin had been pacing the floor, worried about a threat against Arthur, of course, without noticing Gaius’s raising eyebrow and concern.

the situation is fraught 

Merlin looked at Arthur on the throne. He was still amazed how good he looked up there, how much he looked like he belonged. Arthur was glowing in the waning sunlight, giving him an ethereal glow. His hair was ablaze, blending with the crown on his head.

i’m pretty sure the world is out to get me

Merlin had heard the rumors of some rogue Druids going around Camelot searching for the prophesied Emrys, but he was honestly too busy today to really focus on the threat. He has heard it so many times by now. “I’ll look into later,” he promised to Gaius that morning, but soon forgot about it when the King asked him to do another task.

shining in the starlight

Merlin has been staring out this window for as long as he can remember. He grew up here, in this tower. He knew no other life but these walls that increasingly felt more like a cage every passing day. He never dared to say this out loud, of course. 

rise through the night (you and i)

Merlin didn’t want to go hunting—no surprise there. He had a bad feeling about this trip, but when he told Arthur about it, he just got a scoff in return and a “Sure, Merlin. We’re leaving at dawn.”

when the meaning is gone (there is clarity)

Merlin kneeled slowly, all sounds drowning out to focus on the one to which his world revolves around: his king.

the truth is finally breaking through

Arthur removed the ban on magic two months ago.

Morgana came back and begged for forgiveness a month after that. Merlin begged Morgana for forgiveness that same week.

Now, three months after the ban, Merlin stood behind his king during his audiences with his subjects and still, no one knew about his magic. Well, not entirely true since Lancelot and Gaius knew, but Arthur? Not yet.

don’t look down (‘cause we’re still rising up)

Magic was legalized, Morgana was MIA at the moment, and Arthur was ruling fairly well. However, his great rule did not matter to his councilmen who have been persistently on his ass lately about “obtaining a wife.”

now ‘til eternity

It was during the celebration feast that Merlin’s heart finally felt entirely full for the first time in his life.

fight through the dark

Arthur still wasn’t talking to him. It’s been a week since that dreadful trip to Nemeth—where Merlin’s entire world shifted and fell from underneath him.

we say we’re friends (we play pretend)

“This needs to stop,” Merlin grumbled under his breath, racing down the next corridor. As he skidded to swig into the turn, he yelled behind him, “ARTHUR! I will magic your ass to stop chasing me if it comes to it!”

write in every empty space (the words i love you in replace)

Merlin was going to tell Arthur today. About everything. He said that yesterday though—and the day before that.

this moment is ours to own

Gwaine had enough. The two idiots were flirting on the training field right now, and both had no idea that they were in love with each other. The Princess was paying so much attention to his Merlin that he hadn’t even noticed all of the other knights stopping to watch them instead of sparring.

keep holding on (never look back)

Merlin came back limping, barely conscious. The fight was brutal, messy, and unnecessary, but it became inevitable when they wouldn’t stop threatening Arthur—and, well, no one continuously threatens Arthur and survives.

The 100:

crown the king of suffering

Bellamy ran towards Clarke—staring at her like she was the only one in the world. “I got you, don’t worry,” he said once he caught her, the tears in his eyes betraying every word he uttered.

you know you’re not alone (wip...sigh ik its been forever but that finale hurt me)

Clarke’s world came to an abrupt stop. Bellamy just betrayed her. He ruined their only chance on getting off this stupid, brainwashed planet. Why would he betray me, again? Again was the word repeating in her head. Again this could lead to Madi getting hurt by people who should have no business going near her kid.

all caught up in the eye of the storm (another wip bc im still in pain im sorry)

Clarke is Governor Abigail Griffin’s daughter and, at eleven years old, she loved it. Pretty dresses, an amplitude of attention from her mother, with a stellar education, she was raised from the beginning to depict the perfect lady.

#ashley writes #merlin #merthur #merthur fanfiction #merthur fanfic #the 100 #bellarke #all in one place now assffg #not that anyone asked #LOL #bellarke fanfiction #bellarke fanfic #there is like 18 works here #it seems like so much but its rlly not LOL #a LOT of bamf merlin with smart arthur oops #long post #bbc merlin

[moonlightjeno]

swashbuckle and islands

a/n : this boy will be the death of me i love him so much. excuse my horrible grammar. my fav gif, and has nothing to do with the story lol but enjoyyy

genre : angst + fluff

pairing : readerxjeno & readerxmark

word count : 2.6k

okay,

okie, be ready for this mess

and excuse any non spaced words my space bar isn’t working properly

cool so your from an island

which imma call Skye bc i can

now your mum is originally from Skye, and had like second cousins of a cousin or whatever to throne but she married you father who was from the mainland 

which is a big no no but at the time she didn’t care bc she was so in love

skip forward a couple of years and the father is a complete ass

doesn’t work or really do much except order your mum around

anyone who has a wonderful father or really good parents im sorry don’t attack me this is for the story

:)

so, mum has had you and your older brother, whom your brother continues to admire your father bc he really just wants love and is hella lost in this mess of a world

Moving on

you used to have a really good relationship with your father until he changed.

cheated on your mother, and would blame it on you mum

in response you really just tried to help you mum get through this mess

big big mess

your brother, at the beginning helped and tried to calm your father  

boy kinda gave up, hela understandable

and left to the mainland to study medicine

wooot go him

but you were devastated because you were now alone 

now bc your brother has left your father has really worsened and blocks your freedom more and more

The point where you were literally only allowed to like go to school, work in the fields and be a servant

sksksk 

now remember how your mum was like the second cousin or smth to the royal crown?

Twas was importanttt

that managed to get you a study abroad year in london, 

queue your best friend mark entering

this boy showed you what freedom was and felt like for the first time since your father went off rails

iss been like a good 13 years and you're like 16 ??

I digress

mark literally made you feel more yourself because of his natural outgoing and easy behavior

It really was pretty amazing

And then the hiding and going out late at night was over

It was back to no friends, working at the field

sad life tbh

I must note, that because mark lived in canada bc why tf not 

y’all couldn’t really communicate

this is set when pirates where a thing, think of pirates of the caribbean 

I love those movies 

okie, progress two years 

of you thanks to you mum’s second cousin related human lol

you became friends with the cousins friends daughter 

y’all really had known each other since they were smol 

but hadn’t really been friends, bc the girl was pretty quite and a beaut

even her own father treated her better than she treated her own daughter

smh, ik this is a cliche live with it

but overall she was a really good person and kinda managed to sneak you around the island when you weren't on “duty” for your father

though its not that you didn’t like working in the fields bc you loved helping out with the animals and occasionally give food to those who were less fortunate than you and really couldn’t afford it

being a trooper, that you are you often told your friend idk wanna give her a name so y’all could come up with one if it were up to me it would be lilith about what you would see around the island and how the country was pretty not doing a okay

she would listen and talk about her own problems and how she wished she could travel and paint everything 

Bonding over traveling yep yeo

one day, you were supposed to work in the fields as you tend to have to do to the cows, and sheep and horses, while picking up the apples? from the trees ??

Idk i don’t farm

either wayyyy

you had finished your tasks early, and had struggled, and i mean stRuGgLed to get away from your father

he was in one of his moods today, shouting at everyone and refusing to admit he needed help

it was a constant reminder of every bad thing every failure that could happen in your life every thing you didn’t want for yourself or your mum who had slowly been getting sick and y’all had some money that could have helped her but your father thought that she deserved the illness

and i quote he said “everything happens for a reason child, if your mother had treated me and had been a good person this wouldn’t have happened to her, but alas some people deserve what they get”

skskskks 

he continued to say how “i on the other hand, have been a good man all my life, have always helped others so i don’t get sick”

this man i swear to god this has actually happened help

being very much done with your father who you really wished would just disappear and leave you and your mom who no longer lived with you but now lived with lilith to be

you had thought of running away for a very long time, though never knew how to get off the island it seemed impossible

sure you knew how to fight, somewhat by watching the guards and the little training mark you had taught your two years ago. 

missing mark hours but it wouldn’t compare to the guards of the royals who would never aid you

and even if they had, you had never learned how to sail which was ironic as the island you lived in wasn’t very large. Your only method of transportation has been your legs and your families faithful horse lethian ?? who really was your favorite out of all the animals 

running away from the trapped life had always felt like a dream, one that you had lived for for the small year in london with mark

you thought about running away again, the idea of sneaking into a trading boat slowly forming in your mind

you could take her your mum and lilith and travel the world go to london again and paris and canada and re-unite with the friend you missed the most

a smile had formed on your previous grim face, the dream something you held onto until your eyes opened and smoke covered the sky

a ringing began in your ears and you tried to stop it, your hands covering your ears in an attempt to stop the noise but the ringing only got stronger

the sky was black, shots were heard were the village people yelled in panic

you looked out towards the sea and could see the outline of a ship

a very large ship

oh shit 

a pirate ship

the flag blew proudly in the boat and from where you stood the bone white skull that contrasted against the black around it was made visible everytime the wind blew 

you gasped, everything anyone had told you about pirates were that they weren’t to be trusted

they were ruthless and would do nothing to stop from getting what they wanted

the stories you'd heard all came to the same conclusion you see the flag you run in the other direction

you pace quickened and in small time you were running towards the blazing village now up in smokes fire and fog covering the bakery, and fields

the school that had taught you the basics of reading and writing until girls weren’t allowed to attend was a blaze royal guards their black and purple uniforms waved their hands around and pointed their too heavy too unbalanced swords not being of much use

mom 

she should be safe

safe with lilith you thought, looking back towards were the small castle stood its bold flag still flying proudly in the grey and black sky

safe , shes safe you keep telling yourself a constant buzz that you repeated over and over to yourself in order to continue moving towards the castle walls

you only lasted a solid five minutes before the guards were holding the civilians back

you sighed angry these idiots being more preoccupied with holding back the citizens who were trying to get to safety behind the castle walls than actually dealing with the threat at hand

who hired them really??

being the stubborn human you are you decided to head towards the back entrance as yuo saw a flash of blonde hair headin towards the back gate of the castle 

oh no was your immediate thought their gonna get to lilith and mum

all the guards had been directed out of castle except a few that had stayed inside to keep the royal fam safe the infirmary had been left unguarded

you looked around trying to look for a familiar face, a familiar guard who youd seen at a practice lilith had dragged you too she had said it was too “admire suitors” you had shaken your head and laughed 

you had no interest in tying yourself to a man that would treat you like something to throw around but you let her revel in her fantasies 

no familiar face was found so you turned and ran towards the blonde head you had seen walk towards the back entrance grabbing a sword from one of the dead guards 

your cursed the clothes women were given making it impossible to run in impossible to fight in 

the blonde boy turned around at your approach, he was young you noticed

probably your age, his grin was deviant and his eyes were mocking as she approached 

“please” you tried “don’t hurt hurt anyone else” 

the boy looked at you with a puzzled look at laughed, slashing away at the thorns and vines that encircled the back door to the castle as he found the lock and tried to break it open

you got closer, looking at the broken glass bottles that littered the floor and torches that lit up the fogged street 

the boy was too busy with the look to realize the girl that had come behind him and hit him in the back of the head with the swords dull pommel the boy let put a yelp before collapsing at your feet

your small victory lasted a small time and before you noticed the boy you had tied with the thorns and vines from the door, which continued to be locked 

your mum and lilith as far as you knew safe

began to stir and as his eyes opened another boy appeared at the end of the alley

his hair seemed to be part of the night sky, falling over his dark eyes. 

“mark!” the black haired boy cried, his hand at his scimitar pointed directed towards you his other hand had managed to slip a dagger out of god knows where and sliced mark’s binds

mark the name sent a shock through you and you took a closer look at the young boy whose eyes were now wide open no anger shown

 but instead amusement and the joyous spark you had once known

he looked so different 

the black haired boy still had a sword at your throat and you swallowed briefly 

“mark?” you gasped feeling the tip of the sword against your neck a small movement and it would nick your skin, blood would swell

‘Mark’ looked at you again and laughed, 

the black haired boy looked confused “let her go jeno” 

jeno was like ‘excuse me ? she knocked you unconscious no i'm not doing that’ he didn't say it but mark understood and laughed again this time it was more mischievous a feral grin adorned his features

“let her go, she’s coming with us” jeno and you were both like huh? has this boy gone mad?

probably letss be realll

“umm no im not” you snapped at the boy you once knew, you glared at jeno who had regrettably removed his sword away from your neck but had placed the dagger threateningly close to your back ashe forced you to move along

you didn’t get an answer from mark who still seemed very entertained by the whole situation

he had changed so much since you’d last seen him *sigh*

you three walked back towards the village and you hadn’t realized how the screams of pain and fear were no longer heard

more than a few guards littered the floors and you tried not to gasp as jeno forcefully continued to move you towards the sea its waters black 

the walk to the pirate boat seemed to last ages, the sun had begun to set in the sky casting dark purple and red shadows above the black water that didn’t reflect any light. It broke your heart to see the usually clear water be black, the animals that lived in the waters probably struggling to survive.

when you finally arrived, the panic began to settle in again. you didn’t know if your mum and lilith were safe, you didn’t know what would happen and the boy you knew two years ago had changed so much that you could no longer read what he was thinking 

the ship loomed in front of you, you hear the small buzz of chatter from the ship and laughter

why was there laughter in such a horrible place ??

“Come on” mark said, already walking getting onto the ship, not looking back at the mess they had left behind

You no longer felt the sharp prick of a dagger or sword at your back, but instead it had been replaced by a strong hand guiding you towards the ship

the contact startled you, and you straightened and continued to walk forward the ship only a few feet away, you still held onto the rock that you had hit mark with, your sword taken away by jeno

you forced your feet to stop moving, because one more step and you’d be on the pirate’s boat, and ducked, and made a weak attempt at attacking the black haired boy behind you hitting him with the small rock you had on the leg

you begin to move away from the boat. The victory lasted a solid second before jeno had his arms around you, pinning your hands behind your back. No longer smiling, or understanding in his dark eyes. you glared at him and then at mark who had finally turned around, a sort of sadness passed over his features before he spoke

“you can’t run away y/n” he said calmly. “remember in london? when you dream about running away, leaving this island and  exploring the world? away from your father?”

his words shocked you, but you didn’t want to leave your mum she had no one else 

“i can’t just leave mark !! my mum, she’s still there and i can’t just leave her with father” a look of recognition and understanding flitted through jeno’s face and reflected in mark

“i know, i know but if you stay here and go back” the boy shook his head, the dark of the night making his blonde hair a dull light in the fog, 

you knew, that in many ways he was right. if you did go back the villagers had seen you with the pirates, being taken by them as the village had burned down and you weren't scared. the worst scenario would be that if you did go back they would imprison you, ask you for information 

hurt mum, hurt lilith even is she was part of the royals

you felt the tears well up in your eyes, and refused to let them fall

“we aren’t all that bad” peeped jeno’s voice who had softened again, until you looked at him and his gaze hardened

you forced yourself a small smile, and placed your foot on the board of the boat 

“Let’s go swashbucklers” you said, 

after all, the stories you’d heard had come from your father, and all his stories were a lie.

a/n : i hope y’all enjoyed that. ik there wasn't much jeno lol but i’m planning on king this a series if you want? send me an ask, if you do! either way, 

peace out luvs,

stay safe

#jeno imagines #jeno imagine #jeno scenerio #jeno #lee jeno #mark lee #mark imagines #jeno x reader #jeno nct #nct dream #nct #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #nct dream imagine #nct dream scenarios #lee jeno scenarios #mark x reader #pirate au #article #au #pirate #Luna Writes

[thedreadvampy]

(just to clear it up, tho ik this is dumb but, the pan thing wasn’t intended to be provocatory, i just recently saw other things and lots of,, panphobia happening within the mechs fanbase and am trying to gauge how safe myself and any of my friends who are pan are within that fanbase, both online and in person. that’s all! im sorry for any weirdness or stress, I should’ve thought that through, things get weird online, not an excuse just— sorry)

I appreciate the apology/clarification. Hopefully this whole conversation has helped you make a decision about whether this is a space you feel safe. HOWEVER (and I know you know this which is why you've got back in touch) it would have been useful to have some context for that in the ask, and even with that context

I. Hm. I'm not sure how to put this without coming across as a bit of a dick? To me it feels like a lot to be, uhhh, value tested? effectively at random (I literally haven't been part of a single conversation about pan/bi IDs in the Mechs fandom that I can recall prior to this) in order to assess whether I met the standards you, somebody I do not know and may or may not have interacted with, have set (and I don't know what those standards are! there are, as I said, people from all over the Discourse Spectrum who would consider any given answer to that question hurtful/offensive!)

so while I appreciate that your intentions are good and self-protective and I am not trying to have a go at you, it's a bit chunk of emotional work to dump an extremely live, open-ended question on someone randomly (especially in an online climate where, as you say, people can be real weird and intense about stuff and giving the Wrong Answer to the wrong person can open you up to a lot of harassment). It invites a lot of anxiety (oh no have I said something to hurt someone? why has this been sent to me personally? what DO I think about this? what are the consequences if I have an answer you don't like, or an answer you might agree with but I phrase it poorly and dig myself in deeper? what effect will answering this ask have on other people following me - will they be hurt by what I say? if I don't answer will that be seen as evidence that I Can't Be Trusted?) and like...ok I DO have CPTSD and anxiety so I'm probably overthinking a bit more than you might reasonably have expected, but I do think it's a lot to put on someone to drag them into Discourse they aren't already involved in.

Also like this specific situation you're describing feels......hm...very impersonal? Like, I'm entirely willing to get drawn into Discourse about something I've Actually Done. like I didn't have FUN when I sparked White Jon Discourse but I don't resent it - it was a meaningful reaction to something I had said and not really thought about, and there was something for me to change in that. If I'd made a post that had made you think I might have an active issue with pan people, that would be one thing, but to ask me to pass a purity test because OTHER PEOPLE SOMEWHERE ELSE did something hurtful? That's not...about me? That's, not to put too fine a point on it, Not My Problem. This is where I'm concerned I come across as a dick, but honestly to me there's a really big gulf between "something I saw on your blog worried me so can you clarify your position" and "somebody somewhere is bigoted so I'm going to need you to prove you're not." Especially coming from an anonymous source with no context (and I do understand why you anonymised it! If you're worried about feeling safe then I totally get the need to do this in a way that doesn't come back to you!) there's a real responsibility gap - I am responsible for answering to you, a stranger, because of a situation I haven't (to my knowledge) been involved in? There's nothing for me to do, change, learn or gain in there, it's entirely about you testing me for reasons that have very little to do with me, and idk that sits really poorly with me. I would prefer that it had been about something careless I said that was harmful, because at least then I would have been able to do something about it. I WANT to be questioned and called up on things I assert or stuff I do. But I am NOT responsible for others' actions or opinions. I am sorry that you feel unsafe in the Mechs fandom, that's awful. But the reality is that I don't have any responsibility for your experience of The Mechs Fandom - I have responsibility for my own actions and opinions and nothing else, and if there's something in my actions or opinions, however small, pinging alarm bells then yeah, talk to me about it, ask me about it. But if it's a concern you have about the environment we're both moving through (I really don't engage much with fandom beyond what's on here) then like...we can talk about it but it's YOUR concern. I don't have any obligation to answer for it because it's not mine? Does that make sense? I don't mean to imply that you feeling safe isn't important, because it definitely is - it's just that when deciding who specifically is someone you feel safe around, the onus is on you. You're the person who knows what's harmful to you, you're the person who is being affected - asking for support, information or behaviour change is fine, but you're not entitled to demand that everyone around you actively accommodates you. When you come to somebody to change or to help support you, that's totally fair IF IT'S ABOUT THEM. If you messaged me and said "some of what you've been posting seems to tap into X ideas and there's been a lot of people in Mechs fandom throwing those ideas around lately, what's the deal there" then that would be fair enough and a lot less overwhelming than turning up in a random inbox to yell "QUICK WHAT'S YOUR STANCE ON PANSEXUALITY", you know? I still wouldn't be obligated to respond but I could reasonably be expected to connect it to things that are My Problem (how do I act in Mechs fandom? What opinions do my posts imply, and do I stand by that?) and make a decision about whether/how to respond. To me it's about working with vs imposing on.

Idk sorry this is a very long and emotional response, this kind of stuff taps into some emotional baggage for me via a vis taking on responsibility for the world and I'm working hard to establish boundaries in myself between My Problem and Other People's Problem, but really it's a bit dense and thinky so I'm sorry that this is a bit incoherent and comes across as a telling-off.

[softdreamyhours]

more than a stranger | L.Mark

genre: angst, fluff, fwb!au cliche ik

pairing: mark lee x reader

word count: 5.4k

warnings: swearing, alcohol and some suggestive themes

request: yes, im sorry it took so long to actually write

authors note: im back bitches.

friday

You knew it was a terrible idea the second the words fell from his mouth but the way his sparkling hazel eyes bored into your own duller ones, the way his lips curved up at the corners to form a small smirk on his face, the way his black hoodie hung from his broad shoulders and the way all of this made you feel caused a reaction in your stomach you had never felt before. You rack your brain for a good reason to say yes because you so desperately want to, but every single fibre in your being is screaming ‘no, run away!’

You know and understand how much saying yes to this ridiculous idea will hurt you and you feel your head begin to shake in disagreement, however your insides lurch once again when he raises his eyebrows slightly waiting for your answer. You think over his suggestion some more, the thought of being able to fool around and spend time with such a captivating man makes your heart rate increase tenfold and you eventually feel your head nodding in agreement giving in to the mesmerizing look on his face and you watch as his smile widens at your answer. Once he gets the consent he needs Mark Lee takes one step closer to you, his frame is now towering over your own and his chest brushes over yours as he breathes, he reaches forward, placing his warm hand near your elbow before sliding it down your wrist slowly, you soon feel his fingertips against your palm and not long after that his fingers slide between yours.

“Now?” he whispers, you feel his warm breath breeze over your cheeks and you tilt your head upwards so that you are looking into his eyes.

Nodding slowly in reply you feel Mark tighten the grip he has on your fingers slightly causing a feeling of warmth to run up your arm, he then pulls you out of the soundless kitchen and guides you up the stairs away from the booming speakers and sweaty bodies and into a much quieter bedroom.

saturday

Laying on top of your bed staring at the bland ceiling of your bedroom you reminisce over the way Mark had made you feel last night. You were not sure what to expect but you certainly did not expect him to be as sweet as he was. The man made you feel special and wanted, as if whatever the two of you are doing is more than ‘just a fling’. You remember the feeling of Marks lips on your skin, the way his hot breaths fanned over your cheeks. Your stomach burned at the thought of his skin touching yours, you missed it. You missed him.

Shaking your head you groan loudly and roll over onto your side, you knew this would happen, you were just expecting the hurt to hold off for a little longer. You were hoping to be able to enjoy some of your time with Mark before the pain began to set in. However your emotions have failed you and there has been a dull ache sitting in your chest cavity, right about where your heart is situated, since the night you had spent with him and nothing you have been doing for the whole day has been able to lessen the sting.

monday

You walk onto campus tired and not in the mood for lectures. As you make your way across the courtyard your mind begins to wander about everything that is going to happen today and all the work you are probably going to get, when suddenly you remember that Mark Lee will be in the same lecture as you this morning. The thought of seeing him again makes your stomach drop and a sudden wave of nerves flows through your body, you have no idea what you are going to say to him, what do you say to a person you have a huge crush on? A person who you don’t really know extremely well who you just happened to have sex with two nights ago?

For the rest of your walk to the lecture hall you go over all the possible scenarios that may unravel when you speak to Mark this morning, and by the time you make your way through the doors you feel ready to answer any question he may ask you. You glance up and see him sitting with a few of his friends to the right of the hall and so you begin walking in that direction. When you get closer you see Marks’ eyes scan the room quickly and you get ready to send him a small smile when his eyes meet yours, however they don’t and it’s as if you aren’t even there. The man turns back to his friends and falls back into the conversation again smoothly, your steps falter slightly out of light surprise and you end up stumbling a little bit. Maybe he didn’t see you?

“You good?” you hear someone say and look up to see Johnny, one of Marks’ friends laughing softly.

“I’m good,” you offer him a smile back knowing he’s not being rude.

During the whole interaction with Johnny, Mark does not spare you a single glance so with a confused mind and a slightly red face you make your way to the back of the hall and take a seat.

Halfway through your lecture your phone vibrates on the small desk you are sitting at, sighing softly you pick it up and see a text from an unknown number.

From: unknown.

wanna meet up after class ;)

You furrow your brow in confusion and try and figure out who this person is, not knowing you decide to text them back and ask.

To: unknown.

who is this?

You turn your phone over and leave it next to you so that you are able to focus on the lecture once more. After a few minutes of taking down notes your phone buzzes once again and you pick it up, when you read the text your breath hitches in your throat.

From: unknown.

mark lee

You feel your cheeks burn and you quickly lock your phone and shove it in your backpack, not sure what to do or how to respond. You place your chin in one of your hands and face the front but you can no longer focus on what your lecturer is saying, your thoughts are fully focused on Mark Lee, who is sitting a few rows in front of you, who couldn’t even look at you this morning and who now wants to meet up after class? It just doesn’t make any sense to you. Yet, for some reason, your heart flutters slightly and a small smile grows on your face. Mark went out of his way to get your number to contact you because the two of you did not exchange numbers the last time you were together and that simple thought makes you think that, maybe, you can go through with this whole absurd idea.

~

“You got his number?” One of your friends gasps loudly.

“Quiet, please.” You almost wine, looking around the little coffee shop the two of you are sitting at to see if anyone heard her.

“Come on, no one knows who were talking about.” She rolls her eyes.

You just shake your head and take a sip of your drink.

“So how did you get it?” She asks, leaning over the table towards you with an eager face, ready to hear the whole story.

“Well,” you mumble, “he texted me first.” You say softly feeling your face heat up and you can only imagine how red your cheeks must be.

“What?” She whisper yells.

You nod your head and smile at her feeling giddy.

“So let me get this straight,” she begins, “your long time crush, Mark Lee himself, went out of his way to get your number,” she says raising her eyebrows, as if she is checking that she has understood everything you told her so far, “he then texts you asking if you want to meet up after class?” She checks.

You nod your head to confirm that she has got everything right so far.

“But you didn’t reply?” She asks astounded.

“Yeah,” you mumble, looking down at the table.

“What is wrong with you?” She exclaims.

You just shrug, not sure how to answer her. You came to have some coffee with your wisest friend because you are in desperate need of some advice about how to go about the very questionable circumstance you are in, however you did not tell her the whole story. All you told her is that you bumped into him at the party on Friday and that the two of you chatted for a while, you also told her about how he ignored you in the morning but then texted you a few minutes later. You made the choice to ‘forget’ to tell her about the part where he dicked you down pretty damn good.  

“Seriously,” she shakes her head, “dumb move on your part.” She giggles softly.

“No,” you start to defend yourself, “why did he ignore me in the morning then?”

“He was probably nervous,” she tells you.

You can’t help but roll your eyes at her words, if only she knew the whole story.

“Reply now.” She instructs, placing her hand on the table palm facing up.

You look down at her hand briefly and then move your eyes back up to her face to give her a puzzled look.  

“Phone.” She deadpans.

“No.” You say firmly, “I can reply to my own text messages, thank you.” You say.

“Clearly you can’t,” she rolls her eyes, referring to your inability to answer the message when it first came through.

After a few more minutes of bickering between the two of you she eventually manages to persuade you to let her text Mark back on your behalf.

To: Mark Lee

sorry for the late reply, we could meet up now if you’re free? : )

You nod your head gently when you read over the text your friend sent.

“See,” she says, “I didn’t sabotage you or whatever you thought I was going to do.”

You chuckle and shake your head, but your smile falls and you almost throw your phone across the room when you see an incoming phone call from Mark.

“That was quick,” your friend mutters.

“What do I do?” You ask, panicked.

“Answer!” Your friend almost shouts at you, dumbfounded by your idiocy.

“H-hello?” You stutter as you place your phone against your ear.

“Hey,” Mark answers, “where do you want to meet?”

“Uh…” You trail off, not knowing what to say.

“My place, or yours?” He asks.

“Mine is g-good.” You tell him and squeeze your eyes shut in annoyance at yourself for not being able to talk to him with a steady voice.

“Great, I’ll see you in ten.” He tells you before hanging up.

“Well?” Your friend asks, looking at you with expectant eyes.

“He said that he’ll see me in ten,” you mumble, still stunned by what just went down.

“Then you better get going!” She tells you, ushering you to leave.

~

You rush into your apartment and manage to clean it and yourself up before Mark knocks on your door and the one and only thing you think about the whole time you are doing this is what you are going to say to him, are you going to bring up the fact that he ignored you or just forget it?

When you hear the knock on your door you jump slightly before you take a slow walk to open the door so you are able to take a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm your nerves.  

“Hey,” you say as you open the door.

You look up and run your eyes up and down Marks figure quickly, he looks breath-taking.

“Hi,” he smiles stepping in through the door.

Before you have a chance to say anything else Mark captures your lips with his own in a soft yet heated kiss and the moment you feel his mouth on yours and his arms around your waist all conscience thought leaves you and you feel a fire begin to burn inside of you.

“Room,” Mark mumbles as his lips move from your mouth to your jaw.

“What?” you ask his out of breath.

“Where’s your bedroom,” he says more clearly this time before sucking on your neck.

When you realise what he wants the two of you stumble your way over to your bedroom, lips never leaving each other’s for a moment.

wednesday

“You’re so beautiful,” Mark mumbles before leaving a lingering kiss on your lips.

The two of you are standing in the small entryway of your apartment, him in some sweatpants and a t-shirt and you in nothing but the hoodie he was wearing when he arrived earlier on in the evening. His eyes have a noticeable glint of affection in them and your already red face gains even more colour at his words.

“You too,” you whisper awkwardly, looking at the ground.

You hear a laugh make its way from Marks chest into the air around you and your stomach does a small flip at the sound.

“I’ll see you soon.” He dismisses himself with a few words and a small peck to the top of your head and after a small while it’s as if he was never even here.

thursday

Sighing into the receiver of your cell phone you let Mark know that you are busy and that now is not the best time to meet up.

“Please baby,” he says in a hushed, breathy tone.

You pause and look around the table you are sitting at, almost everyone has their nose buried in a text book and it hasn’t been a very enlightening study group anyway.

“Y/n?” Mark asks, in the same tone as before.

“Fine,” you mumble, “I’ll see you soon.”

Walking to Marks home you groan softly at the grip he has on your heart, you would be willing to drop everything you are doing at any given time to just spend ten minutes with the boy. You know all too well that he is going to whisper syrup-sweet words into your ears until his voice is the only thing you will ever want to hear again, then he will touch your body in such a way that within moments you are craving more, then he will help you experience pure bliss before swiftly sending you on your way only to call you again when he feels like it.

friday

You see him at the bar with his friends and send him a polite wave however his eyes just scan your body quickly and then move to look at the guys he is with, continuing his conversation with them. Your heart sinks and the only thing you feel like doing know is going home, instead you turn to the bartender and order a shot.

“Let’s get out of here,” a familiar voice whispers into your ear later on in the evening.

You feel your heart rate pick up and at first it is out of anger, you are angry at the fact the Mark only seems to want to be with you when it suits him, but then he whispers into your ear what your outfit is doing to him and now your heart is beating faster for another reason and you find yourself letting the man escort you out of the bar and into his car.

tuesday

You lay on your back staring at your blank ceiling breathing heavily, turning your head to the side you smile softly and watch Marks back muscles flex as he puts his t-shirt on.

“I’ll see you soon,” the boy mumbles turning to face you. He leaves a quick peck on your forehead before making his way out of your bedroom.

Your heart aches when you hear your front door close and you lay in silence for a few moments just like you have been doing for the past few weeks and you soon feel a tear run down your temple, you turn over onto your side and pull your knees up against your chest and feel more tears fall down your face.

“I don’t think you can take any more of this,” you whisper to yourself knowing that the pain was becoming way more evident than the pleasure.

With a heavy heart you reach for your phone and open your chat with Mark.

To: Mark

Please don’t come over again.

After you send the message you block and delete his number, salty tears are still flowing as you do this but you keep reminding yourself that the agony of not seeing him again will be way better than the agony of continuing your little ‘relationship’.

sunday

“Woah,” your friend says letting out a long breath.

“Yeah,” you reply in the same manner.

After ending whatever you had with Mark you locked yourself up in your room, not even bothering to attend lectures, your friend decided to bombard you with questions until you caved and told her everything. So you did. You told her all about how Mark made you feel, how he always came into your bedroom and kissed you like you were the only person in the world and then left like it meant absolutely nothing, how at home he made you feel like nothing else mattered besides the two of you but in public you were nothing more than a stranger.

“What an asshole,” she mumbles.

“Not really,” you sigh, “I knew it was a bad idea.”

“I don’t even know what to say.” Your friend sighs.

You just shrug in reply, your heart still aches at the thought of him. You have fallen in love with the Mark that came over almost every night and spoke to you with his honey-like voice and who touched you so gently it made you feel like you were the most precious thing but you grew to hate the Mark you saw in public who never spoke a word to you and the confusion that caused burned a whole into your heart that you are not sure you will ever be able to fill again.

monday

Walking to lectures was torturous, your thoughts were being torn in two different directions. On one hand you did want to pass and get your degree and for that to happen you needed to attend lectures, but on the other hand you know that walking into the lecture hall and seeing Mark will cause your emotions to bite down on your heart so hard that the hole that is already there will grow and cause you more pain.

When you step into the lecture hall you make an effort to keep your head held down in case he happened to be in the room already.

“Y/n?” You hear someone say, they sound confused.

You glance up quickly and see Johnny standing up and looking at you with a surprised expression covering his features.

“Hey,” you mumble, trying to force a smile but you know you probably look slightly insane.

“You’re back.” He states, smiling.

Seeing Johnnys’ smile causes the forced smile on your own face to become more realistic, he has always been sweet to you. Always said something to you every day, whether it be a simple ‘hello’ or ‘you cut your hair? It looks nice.’ But your smile falls from your face when you look around him and find Mark staring at you.

The two of you look into each other’s eyes for a second or two before you drop your gaze to the floor. You swallow hard to suppress the tears that are forming in your eyes before looking up again at Johnny to give him a quick smile before walking away from the group of guys to find an empty desk as far away from Mark Lee as possible.

After the lecture you wait until everyone has left the hall so you can minimise the probability of you bumping into Mark. You realise that you might be acting slightly childish but you really don’t think you will be able see him and not cry, the wound that’s been created is still fresh.

You sigh as you pick up your backpack and head out of the empty lecture hall, as you walk out of the door and turn to your left to make your way home someone calls out your name and you hear footsteps jog towards you.

“Johnny?” You say confused.

“Hey,” he smiles, “how are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” you tell him, trying your best to return his smile.

“You didn’t look to good this morning,” he says looking down, “I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

“That’s really sweet,” you say feeling your insides become warm at the man’s kindness.

Johnny just shrugs in reply and shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“Do you want to maybe,” Johnny pauses and shrugs again before continuing, “go for coffee?”

“Sure,” you chuckle, nodding your head.

You and Johnny end up sitting in a café just off campus for three hours talking about everything that came to mind, you could really feel a connection between the two of you. The man was absolutely hilarious and it feels like he really understands you, in a way only someone who has known for years would understand you.

“Thanks,” you say to Johnny, who is standing in front of you, “I had a good time this afternoon.”

“Me too,” he replies smiling softly, “I’ll see you tomorrow?” He asks, referring to the class you share with him.

You nod your head and grin at him before turning around and making your way into your building. Walking up the stairs towards your small apartment you smile at the thought of having another friend to confide in and lean on when need be.

“Hello,” you hear a familiar voice say, pulling you away from your thoughts.

You look up and see Mark Lee standing at your front door. The smile that was previously covering your features immediately falls at the sight of him and the throbbing of your heart that you had thought began to fade returned.

“W-what are you doing here?” You stutter out, still shocked by his arrival.

“I guess I just wanted to see you.” The boy shrugs.

You roll your eyes at his response and push past him so that you are able to unlock your door, you know exactly what he means by “see” and you are most definitely not in the mood.

“Well then I ought to apologize,” you tell him feeling a sudden surge of confidence run through your veins.

“What?” Mark asks confused.

“Because I don’t particularly want to see you.” You say strongly before closing the door in his face.

After locking the door you stare at the closed entrance for a few moments catching your breath, you then feel your legs buckle slightly beneath you as the adrenalin that was previously running through your body leaves your veins.

“No, what the fuck.” You hear Marks voice come from outside, he sounds frustrated, “y/n, please just let me in.”

Listening to his angered yet still wildly enduring voice makes your heart rate increase and a lump to form in your throat, squeezing your eyes shut to prevent any tears from falling you  shake your head vigorously. Your brain and heart are in a heated argument much like the one they had on the first night of your intense ordeal with Mark. Your brain is yelling at you to ignore him and save yourself the extended heartbreak of talking to him again but your heart longs for his arms to be wrapped around you, engulfing your body in his warm embrace.

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me,” Mark interrupts your thought process, “I don’t care how long I have to wait.”

Sighing loudly, you fan your face trying to cool down your burning cheeks, the last thing you want to do in front of Mark Lee is cry. After a couple of deep breaths and a short pep talk you decide to open the door, when you do you see a surprised but still slightly aggravated man standing in front of you.  

“What do you want to talk about?” You question bitterly.

“Just explain to me why you don’t want to see me anymore.” He says shrugging softly, his eyes not letting their gaze on your own fall.

“I don’t owe you an explanation,” you say flatly, placing your hands on your hips in hopes that your defensive attitude will mask your true emotions.

“Actually you do,” he states shoving his hands into his pockets, looking at you with an expectant gaze.

“Actually I don’t,” you mimic his tone, wanting the conversation to end as soon as possible.

“Actually you do.” Mark demands, you can see that he is getting frustrated, “you can’t just leave me hanging like that y/n.”

“I’m sorry if I wounded your ego, tough guy.” You tell him, the confidence from earlier returning, “but I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.” You lie.

“Oh please,” he sighs, “I can see right through you y/n, tell me the truth.”

The confidence leaves your body as quickly as it arrives when you hear his words. During the time you spent with Mark the two of you did learn almost everything about one another.

“I just couldn’t do it anymore,” you answer eventually, giving up the façade you had put up to protect your dignity and hide your true emotions.

“Why not?” He questions.

Sighing deeply you glance up and into his eyes for a moment, he looks truly curious.

“Because Mark,” you say becoming frustrated, “I just can’t do this anymore.” You finish your sentence with a loud sigh.

“But why y/n?” he asks you again and you can see that he is also starting to get frustrated, “talk to me.”

“Because,” you say softly feeling all of your pent up emotions bubbling up, ready to burst. “Because I fell in love, Mark.” As you begin to confess your deepest darkest feelings to the boy standing in front of you, you feel a few salty tears roll down your cheeks. You shake your head a chuckle bitterly, your feelings of dejectedness and loneliness turning into feelings of fury instead. “I fell in love with a boy who came over almost every night and treated me like an actual princess,” you say, your voice increasing in volume as you carry on, “I fell in love with a guy who acts like I don’t exists when he sees me anywhere else that isn’t my bedroom.”

Sending a glare across the room to Mark you run the palms of your hands over your cheeks riding them of the sticky feeling covering them caused by the tears that fell over them. You watch as Mark just stares at you with a look on his face that you cannot read.

“You’re in love with me?” He asks bewildered after a deafening silence.

You scoff and roll your eyes in reaction, “is that seriously all you got from what I just said?”

“Are you?” He asks, a smirk beginning to spread over his lips.

Shaking your head firmly, you feel your heart drop slightly at his expression, “just go home Mark, you got what you wanted and I am definitely not in the mood to be rejected or made fun of for whatever this one-sided relationship is.”

Walking to your front door with your head lowered in embarrassment you don’t notice how quickly the smile falls off of Marks features when he catches a small glimpse of hurt in your eyes. You open the door once you reach it so that Mark will be able to leave, but he begins to protest.

“Wait,” he starts, taking a step closer to you but you interrupt him before he can continue.

“Please go Mark.” You whisper, your voice not being stable enough to properly talk.

“I don’t want to,” he says stubbornly and you look at him in disbelief.

“Mark,” you warn, “leave.”

“No.”

“Oh my god,” you say, voice raised slightly, “are you so desperate to humiliate me that you won’t even leave my own house?” You question him, not able to process that someone could ever be so spiteful.

“Y/n, let m-” Mark tries to answer but you cut him off once again.

“Look I’m sorry that I don’t want to play your little game anymore Mark,” you’re yelling now, looking him dead in the eyes, “but you don’t get to come into my life, turn it upside down and then laugh about it later.”

“Does it look like I am laughing right now y/n?” The boy yells right back at you.

Your breath catches in your throat and you pause, shocked at his sudden outburst. Mark places his hands on his hips and gives you a serious look.

“If you would just give me a chance to explain myself,” he says calmly, taking slow steps toward you, “you would know that I happen to be in love with you too.”

By the time the boy has finished his sentence he is standing right in front of you, looking up into his eyes you process what he just said and once his words have sunken in you feel your mind flood with confusion.

“What?” You whisper, more to yourself than the person standing just a few centimetres away from you.

“I am so deeply in love with you y/n.” Mark states, placing one of his hands against yours and intertwining your fingers with his own.

“But when you saw me on campus…” You’re whispering still, thoughts only becoming more muddled.

You hear Mark sigh deeply and feel his other hand wrap around your free one so that both of your hands are laced together with his, “I know, I acted like a complete asshole.” Hearing his confession stunned you because the last thing you expected the boy in front of you to do is admit that he has been in the wrong.

“I don’t even know why I did that,” he carries on, “I guess I was scared?” His last sentence falls off of his lips as more of a question than anything else.

“Scared?” You ask softly, squeezing his hands, the anger and tension that was pent up in your body fading away and a feeling of worry and protectiveness comes to replace it.

“I don’t know.” Mark groans throwing his head back, frowning, “feelings are so hard.” He whines.

“They are,” you agree laughing softly at how adorably relatable he is being right now.

thursday

Soon after the argument and make-up session you had with Mark the two of you walk onto campus hand in hand. Feeling the happiest you have in a long while you laugh at something your new boyfriend just said as you make your way into the lecture hall.

“What do we have here?” A puzzled voice asks and you look away from Mark to see Johnny looking at you two with a furrowed brow.

Both you and Mark are at a loss for words, and have no idea how to explain to anyone what the both of you have been through to get to where you are now.

“So you’re together?” Johnny clarifies after a brief and not very detailed explanation from you.

“Yes.” Mark answers, nodding his head.

“I didn’t even know you guys were friends to be honest,” Johnny shakes his head, obviously not completely understanding everything.

“Yeah Mark,” you say raising your eyebrows in his direction, “I didn’t even know we were friends.” Your accusatory tone causes your boyfriends cheeks to lose their colour and you can’t help but smile softly, you have put everything behind you but still, it’s fun to tease him every now and again.

“Okay, I’m going to ignore that,” Johnny says warily, backing away slightly, “but congrats, you guys look good together.”

A large smile forms on your face at the tall man’s words and you and Mark make your way over to some empty seats. The both of you sit down and the palm of one of Marks hands habitually places itself onto your thigh.

“We do make cute couple don’t we?” You whisper, leaning close to Marks ear and you can’t stop the grin that covers your features when a light blush forms on the boys cheeks.  

#nct #nct 127 #nct u #nct imagine #nct scenario #nct mark #mark lee #lee mark #mark imagine #mark scenario #nct fluff #nct angst #mark lee angst #mark lee fluff

[badacts]

'after getting intoxicated at a part, you and your friends decide summoning a demon for 'fun'. it doesn't work. however, the next day when you return home from the party you find the demon on your couch' ik this is pretty weird and specific but you can change the details a bit but it's basically a gist of it ; pairing renison. you don't have to do this if u don't want to im just weird okay byeee

okay i am meant to be leaving these till AFTER my exam but i saw this one and had to IMMEDIATELY WRITE IT (and like…two sequels, also lmao) 

Rich white people get unbelievably stupid when they drink, that’s just a fact. Allison should really stop thinking of herself as an exception to the rule.

Case in point: they’ve been doing shots, and now someone is drawing a pentagram on the kitchen floor.

“Candles!” someone is yelling. “And, like, I’ve got some herbs and shit.”

Allison hates these people. She’s always hated them. Right now she should be calling the car company and going the fuck home.

Instead, she scoffs, “That’s not how you summon a demon.”

“How the hell would you know?” Trent, whose father is one of those mega-rich businessmen with a wife and two mistresses, demands. 

“It’s obvious. Dancing with the devil, you know,” she says, waving his tequila-breath away from her. “Someone, put on some music!”

So. That’s how she ends up dancing in a pentagram to Justin Beiber on her Saturday night.

The fucking paparazzi snap her on her way back to her apartment in last night’s dress and oversized sunglasses. That’s fine, because she’s fully made up – thank god for whoever invented travel-size Chanel – and she’s wearing Givenchy. Still, they’re assholes.

They can’t get past the front door of her building, but it’s not until she gets inside her apartment that she breathes out. Her life is a delicate balance between façade and the real Allison, and lately she feels more like the nicely dressed doll than the human being.

She walks through towards the kitchen, and then pauses mid-step by the living room door because there’s someone sitting on her fucking couch.

“Who are you?” she demands, hand flying to her bag where she’s got a bottle of Mace. The woman in her apartment looks back, unperturbed. She’s dressed in plain jeans and a blouse from a brand Allison doesn’t recognise but knows isn’t designer. Her hair is bleached to ash blonde and then dyed at the tips in a rainbow where it touches her shoulders.

She doesn’t look like a crazed stalker, but normal people don’t break into apartments and sit on the couch.

“You can call me Renee,” she tells Allison calmly. “You invited me here.”

“I would remember that,” Allison snaps back, because she wasn’t that drunk last night.

“You do,” Renee tells her. “You’re a good dancer.”

She stands from the couch and starts to walk towards Allison. Allison adjusts her stance, trying to remember what she learned in those self-defense classes she took, and says, “Don’t come any closer to me. I’ve got a gun.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Renee says, with a sweet smile. It’s really goddamn creepy. “You’ve got a can of Mace. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Bullets can’t hurt me.”

Okay, and she’s insane, apparently. Allison says, “I’m calling the cops.”

“When they get here they won’t be able to see me,” Renee replies. “You’ll just be the delusional rich girl insisting there’s an invisible person in her apartment. Won’t that make a good headline tomorrow? Your parents will be ecstatic.”

She’s close enough to touch Allison now. Allison is frozen in place. She whispers, “Who are you?”

“You still haven’t figured it out yet,” Renee says. She sounds a little disappointed. “Do you really think a woman like you dances like that in a pentagram and doesn’t earn some kind of attention?”

“You’re trying to tell me you’re a demon?” Allison asks, galvanised by the sheer level of insanity this girl is spouting. “No. No. You’re crazy. I don’t know how you know what happened last night, but I’m going to call the cops-”

“No you aren’t,” Renee tells her, almost gently, and grabs Allison’s arm to stop her from opening her purse. Her hands are hot, and it takes Allison’s brain a moment to realise what her nerves are telling her – that they’re burning her. Allison yelps and tries to pull away, but can’t. Renee is too strong.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Renee tells her calmly, like Allison isn’t fighting her grip at all.

Allison can’t shake her. She opens her mouth to scream, praying her neighbours are home, but when she tries her voice stops in her throat.

“Shh,” Renee tells her, and then Allison suddenly can’t move at all. It’s like her body has frozen in place. At least the burning has stopped. The hand that was holding her steady strokes her forearm. “Listen to what I’m saying. You called me here, Allison. Now you have to do something for me to make the trip worthwhile.”

Allison stares at her. She thinks her eyes might be trying to bulge out of her head. She can still breathe, though, and after a moment she tries to speak at a normal volume. The words come out. “What do you want?”

Renee smiles. “Well. How about I write it down for you?”

#the foxhole court #Anonymous #renison #demon au #alcohol #yeah this is a thing now #demon renee

[sebbytaekookhemmings-blog]

Taekoooooooook pt 25

(The last chapter of this series, ik ik much cri) (Also sorry for the length hehe)

Jungkook pov:

Days fly bye and soon weeks turn into months, and before you know it, its December the 29th... the day before the love of my life’s birthday.

I wake up in my dorm with no Tae beside me as he fell asleep in his room and i was working late, we sometimes have moments like these where we don’t see each other, just time for ourselves.

But today, i want to avoid Taehyung as much as possible, I don’t want to see him right now or him to be around me.

I grab my rucksack, containing my wallet, keys and notepad, but no phone. Today I don’t want to be reached.

Taehyung pov:

Tomorrow is my birthday, holy crap i think to myself as i wipe the sleepy dust out of my eyes to become beaten with the bright light of outside, beaming against my dark eyes. ‘Aiiiiish bright” i hiss as i try to close the curtains but fail, i guess I’m up now.

I check my alarm for the time, “2pm” ah i slept well.... HOLY SHIT ITS 2PM

I sprint to Kookie’s room in pure laughter at my mistake of missing most of the day, i swing the door open to see him, but find no one.

After searching the whole house he is no where to be seen, “Alright BTS .... Jungkook has gone missing” Namjoon says calmly as Jimin comforts me whilst i cry heavily, holding Jungkook’s phone with the picture of me smiling as his lock screen.

——————————————————

“Still no sign of Jungkook” Yoongi says to me calmly as him and Jimin sit in my room with me as i slump on the bed sobbing, “where could he have gone...” i quietly breathe out, it was now 8pm and still he hadn’t come back. The other members were sorting all of the admin to find Jungkook whilst Jimin and Yoongi kept me distracted from worrying, it didnt help because i felt more lost without Kookie, drawn away from trying to find him.

Hours passed and became more painful with each one.

Jimin pov:

“How’s he holding up?” Hoseok asks me and Yoongi as we close the door on Tae who has finally fallen asleep at 11pm.

Me and Yoongi look at each other concerned, “Jungkook is gonna get killed”

Hoseok laughs, “yeh this wasn’t the greatest plan of Jungkook’s, Tae is gonna kill him.”

As soon as Hoseok finishes his sentence Yoongi gets a text from an unknown number,”Hey its me, its done”

We all smile, “We should comfort Tae, see you tomorrow Hoseok” and with that he salutes as we head back into the room, filled with Jungkook’s soft voice singing ‘Begin’ on repeat, Tae tried to mimic his existence in the room, and it made him fall asleep after vast amounts of crying, i hope all goes to plan and Yoongi hugs me just as i think that,”It’ll be ok ChimChim” and i nod.

——————————————————

Taehyung pov:

I wake up in a car with the rest of the members, all screaming happy birthday as soon as i open my eyes, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAEHYUUUUUUUUUNG” The hyungs scream, especially Yoongi and Hoseok, the frequency almost deafens me but makes me smile, “Haha thanks guys but why are we in a car?” I turn to Jimin for an answer, “we are taking you some place nice.” I smile, not a single thought hurting my mind.....

.......Jungkook

Jungkook pov:

Im so nervous, like maybe this was a bad idea, maybe he will hate me now and say no. I pace around the decorated rooftop, covered with candles and flowers all around, tae’s favourite music playing softly and his favourite chocolate on the table.

Hyungs hurry up.

Taehyung pov:

“Here we are”Jin yells with excitement, i cant see anything special about this place, theres a roof top which is glowing a little bit but thats probably the sunset reflecting off the building. I step out of the car, my legs are like jelly from the long car ride, but none of the hyungs follow me, “umm guys what are you doing?’ They all grin at me, “go to the rooftop” Yoongi whispers trying to be seductive and mysterious which makes Jimin throw himself at him in laughter and with that they slam the door and drive off, “GUYS WAIT” and with that theyre gone.

Looking at the rooftop i can see a tall dark figure, hes in what looks like a suit and dark hair..... jungkook? And with that i pace quickly to the rooftop.

Jungkook pov:

He saw me. Shit stay calm itll be ok. I straighten my suit and turn to the door he will walk through, smiling as best as i can and hiding my nerves, trying to hold back tears of how worried yet happy i am. Down with my knee against the ground i wait, holding the small little box, come on Tae please you’re killing me.

Taehyung pov:

Walking to the door of the rooftop after climbing the flight of stairs, i hear soft music playing through the small gaps of the door, “thats my favourite song!’ I exclaim and i hear a stifle of a laugh, i open the door.....

“Kim Taehyung i love you so much, will you marry me?” I look at the emotional kook, down on one knee with music playing, flowers around, candles and chocolates. It’s perfect, hes perfect but i also realise i havent repsonded to him, his face looks slightly worried but also happy and full of emotion, i smile and place my hand under his chin soon cupping his face, “yes i will Jeon Jungkook” and his smile is so relieved, soon hes stood up and kissing me back harder than ever before and i can feel him sliding the ring onto my finger.

“Wow’ i exhale as i see the ring on my finger, “wow indeed” he replies but he is looking at my face,”Taehyung the whole of yesterday i was searching for that ring, i went away from you to find a ring that meant something to me and you and reminded me of you, but nothing is as beautiful.” I cheesy grin and cry a little bit as I’m so happy, “Jeon Jungkook you scared me so much, but i love you so much too, I listened to Begin on repeat just to hear your voice at night to sleep, and i always want to be with you”

We smile more and soon crash lips again, forcing the passion on to one another and feeling something brand new in this very moment.

The other Hyungs come crashing in screaming congratulations and i smile widely as Kookie pulls me in for a hug and kisses my forehead, “I love you Kim Taehyung, Happy Birthday” as the elders congratulate him on his accomplishment.

‘I love you more Jeon Jungkook’ and cuddle into him as the others still pat our backs and hug us.

Funny thing is, in this moment i forgot it was my birthday at all.

#jungkook x taehyung #bts taekook #taetae #taekook #taehyung #jungkookxtae #jeon jungkook #jungkoooookie #jungkook #bts fanfction #bts vkook #bts fanfic #bts v #kpop fanfiction

[good4olivia]

Fetish

Boy: Harry

Summary: Based of Selena’s song Fetish. Harry has a bit of a obsession with the reader.

Warnings: Smut, obsessive!harry.

A/N: most likely gonna do a part 2 to this tbh, also ik my gifs are sitll shit lmao im working on making them better :) actually nvm internet being a bitch and not even letting me upload my gif oh well

masterlist // send in requests

“Y/N! Wait up, love!” Harry called out too you as you walked past him. It wasn’t a surprise that Harry was a insane and thing most insane people tend to do is obsesses  over one thing and thanks to a couple of lonely nights with Harry, you were that one thing for him.

“What do you want Harry?” You asked turning around to face him. He had the look on his face, the look he reserved for you. A look of pure admiration.

“You baby. I always want you.” He told you running his hook along your cheek. You flinched at the cold touch of the metal.

“You don’t want me, Harry. You just think you want me.” You counteracted pushing away his hooked hand.

Harry just shook his head, “No, I want you. Don’t you want me?”

“I could take it or leave it. But I know you won’t leave it.” You said smirking. Though he did get a bit annoying at some times, you couldn’t deny you liked the attention you got from Harry.

“I’m not ever going to leave you.” He whispered in your ears, “Come to my place tonight. 7 sharp. Don’t be late.” And with that, Harry vanished leaving you to wonder if you were going to actually show up tonight.

It was 6:59pm and Harry was sitting on his bed, waiting for you. He grew more mad each second past seven that you weren’t there. He finally had enough at 7:15pm and went off to find you.

First he checked your house and he growled when he saw it was empty. He stormed the streets looking for you, only to find you at the chip shop, laughing with Gil. He took a few breaths to calm down his rage before he walked over towards you and Gil.

“What the hell are you doing here, Y/N? You were meant to be at my place half an hour ago!” Harry yelled. You just rolled your eyes.

“Y-you were m-meant to be with H-Harry?” Gil asked you scared out of his mind. He wouldn’t have been hanging out with you if he knew Harry had plans with you. Everyone knew that Harry had some weird obsession with you and not to get in the away of him being with you.

“Yes, she was meant to be with me.” He said through gritted teeth and Gil ran faster than the flash, “I think we should have more of a private chat.” He grabbed your wrist and dragged you to the top deck of the ship. You shrived as the cold sea wind blew through you before you could say anything he had tied you up to the poll. You just laughed, you weren’t scared of Harry. You knew he would never hurt you. This was just one of his games he likes to play.

“Why didn’t you come darling? I thought I told you 7 sharp.” He asked walking around the poll.

“I was testing you and you weird thing for me. No matter how many times I push you out, you come right back.” You smiled at him and when he didn’t say anything, just stopped in his tracks to stare at you, you went on, “It’s okay. I don’t see no point in blaming you baby. If I were you, I want do me too.” You taunted him.

“You think this is fun for me? All I ever want to do, is touch you, hold you, kiss you. And you denying me that, doesn’t make me very happy.” He whispered in your ear.

“I guess I shouldn’t deny your appetite anymore.” You said, “You got a fetish for my love, Harry. I’m not surprised though, I sympathise.”

“Don’t act like you innocent, like you don’t know what your doing when you tease me with those short skirts and red lipstick.” He accused you, though you loved it. His accent was so sexy. He was inching closer and closer to you. His lips were brushing yours, he was about to start kissing you when you turned your head, laughing. He just growled and punched the poll barely missing your head. You knew this was Harry’s limit, in fact by the look on his face you thought he was over his limit.

“Playing hard to get, is only going to make me want you more, love. It’s such a turn on when you act like you don’t want me, when your body tells me otherwise.” He giggled, running his hand down your thighs. You did your best to hold back a moan when his hand inched closer and closer to your center. “The way you talk, the way you walk. It’s all your fault, Y/N. I want you so bad. I’m so ready.”

“You’ll have to untie me Harry if you want me to touch you.” You remind him, looking down at your tied up body.

“Hmm, but I like you like this. All tied up, with nothing to do but feel me touch you.” He said softly as his hands brushed your patines and your breathing hitched. His hands slowly, very slowly removed you underwear and they fell to your ankles.

“H-Harry.” You breathed as you head fell back. You could tell he liked it when you said his name like that because you could feel dick against your bare leg.

“What do you want me to do you love?” He teased, his hands just rubbing circles on your clit.

You opened your mouth to answer him but only a moan came out, “Use your words baby.” He whispered.

“I want you to touch me.”

“How do you want me to touch you, Y/N?” He asked again enjoying you like this way too much.

“Harry.” You whined.

“God you’re so hot.” Harry said and gave in and inserted two fingers inside you. He kept very slow pace, “Faster baby.” You moaned.

“Whatever you want princess.” He told you before pumping you faster. He kept this up for a minute and when he noticed you weren’t close to finishing he asked, “What do you want baby?” With a frown on his face.

“You’re mouth.” You breathed and he obliged and got down on his knees and you couldn’t control your moans and whines once his tongue was inside you.

“You feel so good, Harry.” You said, Harry just smirked at the compliment. Pretty soon, you had your high and he ate you out. After he was done, he slid your underwear back on. You were still breathing heavily from your orgasm.

He untied you, “So next time baby, if I tell you do something, you will do it?”

“Yes.” You said, giving into him.

“Good girl.” He replied, kissing your forehead. On the walk back to his place he didn’t let go of your hand.

“Harry, we just missed my house.” You told him.

“Were going back to mine, love.” He smiled at you. You just nodded knowing your family wouldn’t even really notice if you were gone. He gave you some of his clothes to wear to bed and you put them on and climbed into his bed. He did the same, and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in close, “You’re mine Y/N.” He said. You pretend you were asleep so you didn’t have to reply as even though you liked Harry, he was defiantly insane and you didn’t want to set him off with the wrong answer.  

#harry hook imagines #harry hook x reader #harry hook #descendants #descendants imagines #descendants 2 #descendants 2 imagines

[dirtycreekwater]

This kinda ties in to the way you mentioned that Roman has anger issues (at least to me, it does): hc that Logan always has to know where Roman and Virgil are. Virgil's usually home, so that's okay, but sometimes Roman's theatre rehearsals and stuff run late or something, and whenever that happens, Logan starts calling and texting constantly until he gets a response. Roman can usually deal with it, but sometimes he feels really restricted and gets annoyed at Logan which usually why they fight.

good shit good shit

tw for fighting/yelling, anger, alcohol/drinking

-Logan is a really protective & paranoid person. he’s not really sure if he can blame that on his parents, or his past relationship, or if that’s just how he is naturally. regardless it gets him into some annoying situations.

-Logan always has to know where Virgil and Roman are. always. it doesn’t ever cross into abusive behavior where he yells at them for not telling him where they are, or forbids them from going places. he just worries about them getting hurt, or somehow getting themselves into bad situations. but it’s still pretty unhealthy. he’s just afraid of admitting that.

-Virgil is home a lot of the time so Logan doesn’t really need to worry about him (of course he still does), but Roman stays at the theater late some nights, and Logan really doesn’t like that. the theater isn’t necessarily in what you would call a sketchy part of town, but it still isn’t the nicest, and that sends Logan’s thoughts running wild. he tries to stay calm, and rational. he tries to think of logical explanations as to why Roman doesn’t tell him when he’ll be home some nights, and he tries to not jump to conclusions. but it isn’t always that easy.

-One particular night Roman stayed at the theater way later than he usually does, and Logan was worried. he called him then texted him a few times when he didn’t answer.

nerd💖: Are you coming home soon?

nerd💖: Surely, you should be finishing soon.

nerd💖: Are you even at the theater anymore?

nerd💖: I understand that you’re busy, but I wish you’d at the very least send me one text. I like to know that you’re okay.

nerd💖: I’m sorry I worry so much. I wish I didn’t think so negatively. I just can’t help it.

Prince💛: omfg, Logan. calm down. im fine.

Prince💛: ill be home around 1. don’t wait up.

nerd💖: I’m waiting up. Virgil and Patton are asleep so I have nothing to do.

Prince💛: oh my god go to bed Logan. Virgil’s gonna freak out if he wakes up & sees that neither of us are there

nerd💖: He is aware of what I’m doing.

Prince💛: idc go to bed before i flip my shit

nerd💖: Why would you “flip your shit?” There is no reason to be angry.

Prince💛: ur the reason to be angry! ur worried for no fucking reason. u know where i am & u know why. that’s all u need to know.

nerd💖: I apologize. I’ll leave you be. Please just text me to let me know when you’ll be coming home. I love you.

Prince💛: yeah. love you too.

-Roman came home around 1:30 that night, and was upset to find Logan waiting for him in the living room. He sat next to him on the couch, and took off his jacket and shoes as he said, “I told you not to wait up for me, and what do you do? God, Logan. I told you that I was fine.” Logan sighed, and look at Roman as he said, “Well, you’re not the boss of me, Roman. I can do whatever I want to do as long as it isn’t harmful.” Roman stared at him in disbelief for a moment then stood up as he yelled, “It is fucking harmful, Logan! Your paranoia is harmful! You’re.. It’s suffocating me.. You always need to know where I am, and if you don’t you freak out, and that’s not okay!” Logan frowned and looked down as he said, “I’m sorry.. I just worry that you’re hurt or in a bad situation when you don’t answer me.. I know my behavior is…unhealthy. I will work on it.” Roman huffed as he walked over to the front door, and said, “I’m gonna go calm down. Don’t freak out. I’m staying on the steps.” then went outside, and slammed the door. Logan flinched, and frowned at the floor for a little while. eventually he decided that waiting for Roman to come back was pointless, and headed upstairs to find comfort in his other boyfriend’s sleeping form.

-Once outside Roman got the whiskey he keeps in his car out ((ik that sounds bad but he never drinks while driving he just hides it there)), and tried to drink his anger away. it wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism, he knew that, but he didn’t care. he was tired of Logan’s paranoia, and he was tired of always getting unreasonably angry. he just wanted to be numb for a little while. he wanted to focus on the burning in his chest & stomach instead of the burning rage in his head & heart. eventually he finished the entire bottle, and when he realized that it didn’t make him feel any better he smashed it on the ground. he almost laughed at the broken glass surrounding him, and how it resembled how he felt inside. mumbling angrily at himself he pulled out his phone, and texted the last person he should be texting right now.

Prince💛: heyyy babyy im sorry i got mad at you i got a lot of issues haha

nerd💖: Are you drunk?

Prince💛: pffft noooooo

Prince💛: ok yeah lil bit

nerd💖: Ugh, Roman. You imbecile. Are you outside still? I’m coming to get you.

Prince💛: noooo don’t do that i gotta calm down i don’t wanna be mad at u anymore

nerd💖: Well, alcohol certainly isn’t going to help with that. In fact I’m sure it’s only increased your rage.

Prince💛: theres a lot of broken glass i should clean that up

nerd💖: ….Why is there broken glass?

Prince💛: the whiskey didnt help so i broke it lol

nerd💖: My statement stands.

Prince💛: wut

nerd💖: Nothing. Stay where you are. I’m coming outside.

Prince💛: baby noooo u gotta stay inside & stay warm it’s cold out here

nerd💖: All the more reason to go out there, and get you. Please stay where you are.

-Logan went outside, and forced Roman to stand up. Roman immediately collapsed into his arms, and cried. Logan frowned, and wrapped his arms around him in a secure & loving embrace. he wished he could stay there for hours just listening to the calming sounds the night produced while comforting his boyfriend, but it was cold and they had a lot of things to talk about. so, Logan brought him inside, and lead him upstairs.

-They spent the rest of the night holding each other, and talking about their issues, and discussing ways to fix them while Virgil slept in ignorant bliss besides them. the next morning they were passed out in each others arms, and Virgil was awake, and happy to see their relaxed expressions even if they’d only last for a few hours while they slept.

-Logan & Roman fell into their normal routine once they finally woke up as if nothing ever happened, though Roman’s headache was a grim reminder, and for now that was okay. eventually they had to reopen the wound from the night before only to stitch it back together. it was a harrowing task, but they did it for each other.

((kinda just now realizing ive made Logan & Roman’s part of the relationship a lil unhealthy oops lol i should fix that. idk just send me an ask if you want them to fully work out their issues. maybe they’ll do some couples therapy. cool? cool))

#sanders sides #polyamsanders #logince #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #olishc #LRVerse #fighting #tw fighting #yelling #tw yelling #alcohol #tw alcohol #alcohol mention #tw alcohol mention #whiskey #anger #tw anger #angst #tw angst