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veronicaphoenix · 6 months

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IKIGAI (or A REASON FOR BEING) — CHAPTER NINE

“Can you shift a bit?” She asked, her morning voice also carrying a subtle raspiness. “No, it’s so comfy,” he murmured, snuggling into the pillows, oblivious to the world. “For you,” she replied, her cheeks tinted with a blush. “You’re poking me with… Erm, your thing… It’s hard.” She pressed her face into the pillow. Noah’s warm breath was on her hair and the back of her neck.

Chapter tags: best friends, teenage drama, sleepover, a bit of angst, fluff, and slight 'sexual' content. | Word count: 3.361 | Cross posted on AO3. | Series masterpost. ✧.*

CHAPTER 9

Lia is 14. Noah is 15.

A week later.

Noah waited for hours, sort of hidden behind the bushes of Lia’s neighbors, until he saw Cristina leave the house.

Finally.

Lia hadn’t been answering his calls, and she had closed the door on his face twice when he went to see her. The third time it had been Cristina who had opened and, of course, she had told him to get lost. The exchange could be summarized down to that.

With no other options available, he used the key to get inside Lia’s house. He called her name a couple of times as he moved around the ground floor, not wanting to startle her, and he saw her sitting on the porch steps to the back garden. The glass doors that led to the backyard were open, so she had probably heard him, but her posture and the fact that her back was facing him told him that she didn’t care.

He walked to her, with slow, deliberate steps.

The morning sun cast a warm glow on the porch, creating a subtle contrast to the growing emotional chill between them. Lia’s hair was open, long and wild, and as he approached her, he noticed she had some flowers stuck in it.

When he stepped in the porch, the floorboards creaked.

“Why are you here?” She asked.

He waited until he was sat down next to her on the wooden steps. She was making a flower crown with daisies.

“You haven’t let me get near you in seven days, Lia.”

“You abandoned me.”

“I didn’t abandon you”, he retorted, slightly angry at her choice of words. “I’ve been coming to see you nearly every single day, to check on you. That’s not abandonment. If anything, you decided to abandon me.”

At that, she looked at him.

He continued, “Have you stopped to think if I needed you any of those days? If I wanted to talk to you? To see you?”

“You won’t need me when you go away.”

I’ll need you always.

He let out a huff, aware of the complexity of the situation. He ran his fingers through his hair, a nervous habit.

“I’m not here to argue with you. I’m here to make things clear, Lia. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain; you just shut me out.”

The change in his tone, proving how tired he was, might have made its way into Lia’s veins, as she also let down that façade of strong girl and dropped her shoulders, looking at him with sad eyes. She let the half-done daisy crown fall on the last step and she leaned her body on the railing.

“What is there to explain?”

“Many things, in fact. Will you listen?”

She nodded, fidgeting with her own fingers. A few birds flew by, crossing the garden high up in the sky, and Noah and Lia followed them until they disappeared before they delved into the conversation.

“You know the basics. I have friends at school, but I’m not friends with all that nonsense they’re teaching, or at least, if it’s of any use, I’m not good at it, and I’m tired of feeling like a failure for being examined just like every other single student in this planet. I don’t know why the hell they expect us all to be the same. The only thing I’m good at is music, and next year they’ll be removing that subject, so what’s the point in staying?” He shrugged, a gesture that carried the weight of his uncertainty. Lia remained silent, absorbing his words. “I know for you it’s exactly the opposite. You’re such a brilliant student, Lia. I don’t know how you do it. I admire you, honestly. I wish I was half smart of what you are, but I know you struggle making friends, that you don’t feel comfortable with your classmates. I feel like some of the fault for that is mine, for having been… Overprotective or, I don’t know.”

“It’s not your fault…” She whispered. “It’s just how I am, and I understand your point…”

Noah looked at her with a pained expression, understanding and regret in his eyes. The weight of their individual struggles and the complexities of their friendship was pressing down.

“I hadn’t been thinking about dropping out of school for long, that’s why I didn’t mention it to you. I didn’t even take it seriously the few times it crossed my mind, but I was talking to Mike and to other friends last week and I started considering that maybe it’s not such a crazy idea. A lot of teenagers drop out of school. I’m not crazy. Then, the same day that I thought about talking to my grandparents about it, before I even gathered the courage, they told me that they’re going to allow my mom to stay with them for a while, to help her recover from her addiction, to give her another chance… And I thought, this is it.” He took another breath and then he extended his arm, and his fingers looked for Lia’s until he found them. He held her hand, which was now smaller than his, and ran her thumb along her skin. “I spent the whole week wanting to talk to you, wanting to let you know how I’m feeling about this, about my mom coming back. You think you’re hurt? I’m fucking heartsick, Lia. I should be happy at the thought that my mom is coming back, that she might get better, that I might have a chance to feel like I’m somebody’s son. But the truth is I’m not. I don’t want to see her. I don’t even want to call her my mom for the same reasons you don’t like calling Cristina yours. She’s never been there for me, and I know I won’t be able to survive a single day in the same house as her. You’re stronger than me, Lia. You’ve been surviving here since the day you were born. But I’m fifteen now. I cannot deal with any more bullshit like this. If I do, I’m sure it will keep me from achieving my goals, I’ll go mental, and I don’t want her to fuck up my life the way she fucked up hers.”

His throat had gone dry. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he was resolute that he wasn’t going to cry. He looked up, trying to swallow his tears and untighten the knot in his chest.

“When Mike suggested I move in with him, I immediately said yes. I didn’t even think about it because I knew that was the only solution. And you know what I thought next?”

She waited for his answer, her expression a mix of concern and anticipation.

“I thought where do I fit Lia in this? She fits somewhere, I just have to figure out where.”

“And…?”

“And I got an answer. I was thinking that, maybe, after you graduate, you could come live with us, with me. Mike’s a nice guy, and his house has plenty of rooms, and he’s willing to rent them. I know it’s still too early to think about it, but I would love to if you were there with me. And I don’t want you to worry about money. Money will come, I’m sure. I want us to work on it, starting from this summer. I want to use the songs you wrote, if you’re ok with it, and we could compose music for them. I want to start working on that, and I also thought that, if you enjoy drawing so much, you could make the designs for the band’s merch. When there’s a band, of course.”

With his intentions laid bare, Lia’s eyes widened, and her heartbeat sped up.

“You really thought all of that?”

“And more,” he responded, his smile radiant with genuine excitement.

Lia felt her emotions bubbling up within her as the weight of Noah’s plans and the depth of his consideration sank in.

“Noah,” her voice quivered with vulnerability. She was about to start crying. “I’m scared,” she admitted. He squeezed her hand harder. A couple of tears escaped from her eyes. Noah put the other hand on her head and pulled her forward until his chin was on top of her head and her face nestled against his chest.

“I’m scared, too, but not of losing you, not of losing each other.”

“I’m sorry about what I said to you.”

“It’s okay. I know that was like dropping a bomb,” he admitted. “I should have talked to you earlier. So, what do you say?”

Lia lifted her head.

“About what?”

The air around them seemed to hold its breath.

“Well, you have to give me an answer; tell me if you would like to move in with me and Mike when you turn eighteen.”

Lia couldn’t help but smile at his best friend’s bright expression. “Do you even need an answer?” She teased.

His smile widened, and suddenly it seemed that all his worries were gone.

“But Mike smells weird,” Lia continued, making a face. “What if the house smells like him?”

Noah chuckled.

“He smokes weed sometimes, that’s all.”

They shared a smile. Noah’s hand moved to Lia’s hair, fingers carefully untangling the flowers that were stuck. “Now, let’s finish this crown, what do you say?”

Lia nodded. Noah picked up a few flowers from the wooden step and pretended to know what he was doing. Lia observed him, a curious grin playing on her lips. Noah had no fucking clue on how to make a daisy crown, and before she knew it, laughter bubbled out of her at the way he was mistreating the little flowers.

“Never mind,” he concluded, shaking his head. “You do it. I’ll put it on your head when it’s done.”

“Deal,” she replied, her laughter still echoing through the quiet space of the porch.

As Lia skillfully weaved the flowers into a crown, Noah watched with genuine amusement, appreciating the care and precision she put into each delicate twist. The wooden steps became a makeshift workshop for their impromptu crafting session.

When the crown was finally complete and Lia had a floral masterpiece adorning her hair, they looked at each other, smiles spreading across their faces. The shared accomplishment brought a sense of lightness to the air, a moment of simple joy that momentarily eclipsed the rest of the world.

“Noah?” She called his name gently. There was a request coming, and he was willing to do anything.

Another bird landed in the grown grass of the garden and looked around as if lost. A tiny creature, unaware of the troubled lives in front of it. While Lia looked at the bird, Noah kept looking at her, and he couldn’t help but admire the way her freckles spread across her nose and cheeks, and how her eyelashes fluttered like butterfly wings every time she closed and opened her eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Can you stay the night?”

“What about your mom?” He worried, concern creasing his brow.

“She’s gone. She said she’s not coming back until Saturday or Sunday.”

“I can stay,” he said without another thought. “Let me call grandma, though.”

As Noah reached for his phone to make the call, Lia couldn't shake the warmth that spread through her. The weight of everything else still lingered, but in that moment, there was a sense of ease, and she was relieved that she wouldn’t have to spend that night alone.

Hana let him stay the night at Lia’s but couldn’t refrain from making a few remarks about the fact that she was letting two teenagers sleeping alone in a big house. Her concerns, however, were more about mischievous teenage behavior than the solitude itself. Noah waved her off with a disgusted expression and a few disapproving noises when she subtly mentioned something about hormones and such, and that Lia was a good girl and that he should treat her right, although he couldn’t deny that he was carrying a condom in his wallet. One of Mike’s friends had given it too him two weeks before, during one of their meetings to talk about music. There was no connection, but it was kind of expected that young adults would bring the topic of sex to him, a teenager. At least he was glad they did it with the intention of making sure he was safe and so was whoever was with him. Not that he had any intention of using it any time soon…

As the day unfolded and evening came, Noah and Lia opted for the convenience of a frozen pizza that had been languishing in the freezer for months. The whirr of the microwave filled the air as they prepared some popcorn, adding a touch of movie night charm to their impromptu plans. The cozy aroma of melted cheese and the crackling of popcorn accompanied them as they settled on the sofa, ready to enjoy their feast while Final Destination started playing on the TV.

The clock ticked away, and by around eleven p.m., the remnants of their meal were cleared and the movie had come to an end. They made their way upstairs, to Lia's room, the only place in the house that felt a bit like a sanctuary of comfort and familiarity. Noah, feeling the ease of their shared space, decided to make himself comfortable, stripping down to his underwear while opting to keep his T-shirt on. Meanwhile, Lia disappeared into the bathroom to change into her pajamas, allowing Noah a moment to explore Lia's cupboards in search of an extra pillow.

The atmosphere in Lia's room was infused with a quiet intimacy as they prepared for the night ahead. The soft glow of ambient light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm and soothing hue over the room. As Noah finished deciding between a square or a more rectangular pillow, Lia grabbed a book from the nearest pile to the bed and settled in the left side of her bed to read for a while. Five minutes later, the sound of Noah brushing his teeth in the bathroom faintly resonated through the hallway and into the room.

An hour later, they were both fast asleep. The occasional murmur of turning pages and the gentle hum of the night left behind. Lia’s body was curled up in a fetal position, facing the window, while Noah sprawled out, his limbs occupying a significant portion of the mattress, legs and arms everywhere. Unconsciously, his fingers tangled into Lia’s long hair, creating an unintentional but tender connection between them.

Throughout the night, the room witnessed a dance of unconscious movements. Lia, wrapped in her own dreams, occasionally pulled at the bedsheets. Noah, embracing the depths of slumber, would instinctively gravitate towards her warmth whenever a chill lingered in the air.

By morning, the room told a silent story of the night, with Noah finding himself wrapped around Lia, their bodies intertwined in a sleepy, yet comforting embrace—his arm was draped protectively over her tummy, and their legs were entwined at the end of the mattress.

The soft morning light filtered through the curtains. Lia had been awake for nearly an hour when she called out for him.

“Hmm?” he mumbled; his voice still heavy with sleep.

“Can you shift a bit?” She asked, her morning voice also carrying a subtle raspiness.

“No, it’s so comfy,” he murmured, snuggling into the pillows, oblivious to the world.

“For you,” she replied, her cheeks tinted with a blush. “You’re poking me with… Erm, your thing… It’s hard.” She pressed her face into the pillow. Noah’s warm breath was on her hair and the back of her neck.

In an instant, Lia felt Noah's entire body stiffen. She didn't see it, but he shot his eyes wide open, a look of terror on his face. He looked down, frantically trying to assess the situation, and then, with an almost comical haste, he rolled on the bed, narrowly avoiding falling off the other side.

Lia stifled a laugh as she watched his reaction, her amusement evident in the playful sparkle in her eyes. Noah, now redder than she was, attempted to gather his composure, covering his bulge with his hands, while shooting her an embarrassed glance.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… You know… This happens sometimes and I… Huh… Fuck.”

“It’s fine,” she said, trying to keep her eyes on his face. She remained surprisingly composed. Noah was not sure if he liked that smile plastered on her face. She bit her lip, and he thought: oh, oh.

“Can I touch it?”

There it was.

“What?” He mumbled, his drowsy, still groggy mind struggling to process her words, his eyes narrowing against the intrusive morning light.

Did she just ask if…?

“I’ve never touched one and I’m curious.”

“Lia, what the…” The embarrassment and bewilderment on his face just kept on increasing. “Ugh, no.” He stammered.

“We’ve already kissed. What’s the harm? I promise I’m not going to put my hand down your pants or anything. I just want to… Can I?”

This girl certainly knew how to keep him on his toes, and she would definitely drive him mad someday.

“One touch, and then you move away, understood?”

“Yes, sir,” she joked, saluting him with an exaggerated gesture, her hand resting on her forehead.

Noah couldn’t help but roll his eyes, a blend of amusement and exasperation crossing his features. Lia’s playful antics were both endearing and maddening.

As he reluctantly agreed to her proposition, Lia shifted on the bed, moving to sit on her knees in front of him, who was still standing by the bed, covering his erection with his hands. He looked up at the ceiling to avoid seeing Lia’s eyes wander on the bulge on his underwear. She looked beautiful in the morning light, with her features still hinting that she had been dreaming, but he didn’t want to look at her while she did… that.

He moved his hands away.

A few seconds later, he felt Lia’s fingertips pressing once, twice, against his erection.

“It’s… Harder than I thought.”

Noah swallowed, counting the seconds.

“It’s like… Hard clay.”

“Okay, congratulations on your discovery.”

His hands went back to where they had been three seconds before, and he turned around, walking away from the bed.

“Does it always get this hard?” She asked, deadpan serious.

“Stop asking me these questions. It’s uncomfortable,” he replied as he put on his jeans, that had been discarded on the floor near the piles of books.

“Uncomfortable was having that thing pressed against my back for an hour,” she retorted with a snort. Seating herself back on the bed, she proceeded to gather her hair in a ponytail.

Noah rolled his eyes again as he made himself comfortable in his trousers.

Sensing his distress, which she still found amusing, by the way, Lia ushered to say: “Okay, sorry. Go to the bathroom and do whatever you have to do.”

“I don’t have to do anything!” He snapped, bothered by the whole ordeal.

“That’s not what I meant, idiot. Wash your face or take a shower. I don’t know.”

The banter continued throughout the morning, with Lia teasing him and Noah shooting death glances in return. Fed up with the ongoing banter, he seized his opportunity when they were making pancakes in the kitchen and retaliated by covering Lia’s face with the batter.

“If you would just wear yesterday’s crown, I’d say you look like the most beautiful princess in the world.”

Lia, initially frozen in place, couldn’t hold her laughter. She hurried to swiftly swap some batter from the bowl and began chasing Noah around the kitchen and into the living room.

The morning, which had started with a hint of awkwardness, effortlessly transformed into a lively scene. Laughter filled the air as Noah and Lia engaged in their impromptu food fight, grabbing at each other, and running their dirty hands all over each other’s faces and bodies, smearing their skin with the whitish sticky paste.

#noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian #noah sebastian x ofc #noah sebastian x reader #bad omens fic #bad omens fanfic #ikigai #the inevitability of love at second sight

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yepthatsacowalright · 1 month

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In a platonic and intellectual way I am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure right now. The Danels (Daniel Kwan & Daniel Scheinert, creators of Everything Everywhere All At Once) just did a talk at SXSW. It's called 'How We Pulled Off Everything Everywhere All at Once.' Except as soon as they got on stage, they announced that they've already given that talk several times elsewhere, showed QR codes to watch those on YouTube if you're interested, and then pivoted to talking about so much real shit about humanity, inequity, climate change, the past, the future, now, storytelling, art, paradoxes, self-care, religion, addiction, AI, etc. instead that I still feel my brain vibrating about it. Some highlights (that I probably transcribed poorly but tried my best): "The earliest cultures, a lot of them, all around the world, believed in animism. And for those who don't know, [animism] is this belief, this story that they told themselves, that every living creature, rock, tree, river, had a soul, had a life. And a lot of modern people...kinda laugh at that, and think it's a little silly. But regardless of what you believe, that story was actually really beautiful, because it kept things in balance, right? There was this really beautiful relationship with the world around them. When we invented agriculture, we couldn't just force an oxen to drag a plow, because that oxen had a soul. And so we changed the story of the oxen and said, 'Oh, actually we're not all beautiful, soulful things. We're gonna lower the value of this one thing.' And you see this happening slowly throughout history, every new achievement. We've done it to the trees. The trees are incredible, beautiful things that provide food, water, shelter, cooling the Earth, giving us the oxygen we breathe, and we've reduced their story to $70 of lumber at Home Depot. And, like I said, some of this is necessary. Even the oldest cultures who believed in animism would kill, would chop down trees, but there was a narrative where there was grieving, and there was respect, and there was gratitude, and that has been lost. And we have slowly created an entire world where everything is disposable. Our shoes, our cars, our phones...we're all culpable, we're all responsible for this. But the worst part is we've done it to the people. And these devaluing stories, they become normalized and compounded through generational amnesia. And we slowly move the threshold of who is valuable and who isn't.

For instance, modern capitalism and the capitalist workforce only works if we are able to compel people to work, because we can't force them to work. And so we had to change the story we told ourselves, and say that your value is your job. You are only worth what you can do. And we are no longer beings with an inherent worth.

And this is why it is so hard to find fulfillment in this current system. The system works best when you're not fulfilled.

Which brings me back to AI.

There's gonna be a lot of people who are saying how amazing AI is, and it is. It's magic. It's probably going to solve cancers, probably gonna give us a lot of climate solutions. This is a powerful thing. But I'm really terrified of this new story we're gonna have to tell ourself in order to accept this new convenience, this new progress. ...to imagine what [AI] will do within this current system, within this current incentive structure...this is the same system that brought us climate change, income inequality, and the general lack of gratitude and understanding of our worth and the worth of those around us. And so one of the things I'm realizing we all have to be doing...is we have to really rewrite the system story, and center what is truly valuable." "We are addicted to a system. We know how to solve our problems, we understand what a lot of the solutions are, we just don't know how to actually have the will to do it. And so if you look at us, collectively, we are on step one. We are finally, after decades, admitting that there is a problem, specifically climate change amongst other things. And now we need to be actively thinking about, okay, what kind of stories are we gonna be telling to bring us into that second step?" HIGHLY RECOMMEND watching the entire 1-hour talk. I promise it does not feel like an hour, and it is 8000% worth your time:

youtube

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