#ill GET you dont even TEST me

[healingheartdogs]

Cardio said my echocardiogram ultrasound, exercise stress test, and week long heart monitor all showed no serious issues, my resting heart rate is fine, but that my heart rate does seem to rise very rapidly under even small amounts of stress (postural changes, taking stairs, casually walking around my house) and rises very high (160+ bpm according to the monitor) so now I get to be put on beta blockers to see if they work and if they do she said that is sufficient evidence to confirm for sure that it's POTS.

Obviously could confirm it as well with a tilt table test but those are TORTURE based off what I've heard from fellow POTSies so I am very thankful that she doesn't think that's necessary and will not be making me do one.

#i was not expecting to get dx and meds this fast tbh but im very happy about it #i think the fact that she also has POTS herself helps because she is very well acquaintaned with what it looks and feels like #and how hard it is to actually catch with orthostatics in office unless youre having a bad heart day #so my orthostatics not being within range was unsurprising to her and she was like #'that doesnt mean anything you clearly still have a heart rate issue going on even if it didnt show itself right now' #i didnt do shit the entire week i had that monitor on to like physically exert myself but my heart rate still hit almost 170 a few times #also the doctor who did my stress test asked me if i ever experience any chest discomfort or pain and i was like hm no dont think so #and he went 'your chart says you have palpitations though?' #and i was like '... those count as discomfort???' akdjaicidjwjcjsn the answer is yes apparently #im just so used to them now because i have them daily that they dont even really register to me anymore #unless theyre bad enough to knock the wind out of me or make me cough #they just make me anxious which... ig is also a form of discomfort #chronic illness and chronic pain problems though lol not having a normal baseline for discomfort and pain #ndr #not dog related #health stuff #not that anyone probably cares lol but im excited about getting things that have neen affecting me for years FINALLY figured out #im not crazy im just disabled!!!! #*been

[silenthillbunni]

🧸🧃⛈️

#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset #bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard #nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc #nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time #in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders.... #it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me #(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them) #the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply #also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T #i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!! #my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol #i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot #why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days #many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk #but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie #yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it #hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours #then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do

[jrueships]

getting told my professional emails are like fun bedtime stories that get reread & reread& reread by the people i send them to bcs they're always apparently very long(😦😦😦😦), humorous(?!?!??), charming(??), & never have a sequel bcs i do not respond after sending one 😦

#being that one kid who got in trouble for writing off the lines of a written test segment haunts me. literally haunts me #it's not a flex actually bcs there were times in english where i would write more pages for an essay #and get a 95 while someone who wrote it a day before and hit the min word requirement got a 97 #LIKE!!! #IT'S . A CURSE. #NOT BEING ABLE TO CONDENSE OR CONFORM IS A CURSEEEEEEEE #DO U THINK I LIKE OVERTHINKING AND OVERACHIEVING THINGS???? #NO!!!! I DONT!!!!! #i havespent HOURS on smthing like emails that shouldve been SECONDS #IIIIIII!!!! DONTNKNOW WH Y!! #AND THEN ALL ILL GET BACK IS okay. thank you ted. LIKE JUST SAY U THINK I HAVE RABIES OR SMTHING #i WISH i was into math i WISH i was GENUINELY into SCIENCE! WHY WORDS WHY WORDS NO ONE EVEN CARES ABT WORDS!!! #ARGHHHHHHH I HAT E VALUING EFFECIENCY THEN BEING UNABLE TO DO THINGS IN AN EFFECIENT MANNER TO oTHERS!!! #mY brain THINKS it's being effecient by HYPEREXPLAINING EVERY LITTLE DETAIL THAT IT HAS CONSIDERED TO BE POTENTIALLY CONFUSING IF ABANDONED #IT T HiNKS!! it's HELPING!! #MY BROTHER IN BRAiN! YOU ARE NoT HELPING!!!! YOU ARE GIVING PEOPLE DRY EYES & FATIGUE!! #ARGH! ARGK! #EVERY WHERE I GO IM COMEDY #and i HATE.IT. #BCS IT'S NOT THE COMEDY I CAN CONTROL #life is a sick comedy of underlying helplessness and we're all lear's jesters in the end in the end in the #anyways. #im glad they find it funny #at least

[myriadsystem]

.

#personal #i have doctors appt today with a new doctor its literally not even a real appointment i just need some stupid forms signed #but guys im so stressed im so scared ive already cried once about it today i just. i fucking hate doctors so so much #theyre all so bad. im not in the mood to be dismissed again today and its 15 goddamn degrees so everything feels bigger and worse than it is #if they dont sign the form i dont get paid any more and if i dont get paid i cant continue to try and sort out my medical #which means i continue to not get paid and im just. so scared. so so fucking scared i dont even care if we find the start if the path #to vetter my health i dont care about gettinf better right now i just need this fucking form signed but #ive already been dismissised for it once and i have new doctor jitters. what do you mean i have to tell someone new that #i have ptsd and anxiety and depression and fibro and alleged bpd but its probably autism actually and hope #hope and prey they losten to me because its other doctors that have told me this and im definitely computer illiterate i couldntve come up #with all this on my own i promise ive done zero research into my own symptoms i live with every day im a simpleton im an idiot #please believe me dr refer me to ypur colleagues for further testing but in the mwan time sign the one form i need please #im so scared. i dont know what to do. my tarot says to tryst myself and find my own authority about the situation #but like literally legally i cant i have to rely on the hope this new doctor gives her signature or i dont get fucking paid as stated #i hate this i feel so shaky and nervous and nauseous and awful 😮‍💨 #and im supposed to do groceries today. im at the very end of my shopping like if i dont go get food today #then i dont eat tonight but its cold and rainy and im super stressed abt the appointment so idk if ill be able to go shopping after #i dont wanna die anymore but like rn i kinda do this is too much today feels like too much #help me im drowning

[toytulini]

idk. picky eater rights. im coming to your events and turning my picky bitch nose up at your fancy ass desserts you spent a bajillion hours working over in the kitchen and asking if i can find like a basic ass brownie with no extra flairs or ingredients or steps or whatever the fuck. cry about it. stop trying to feed me

#toy txt post #they gotta have some picky eater bitches be the judges on those food competition shows i stg #sorry for committing the unforgivable sin of my tastebuds didnt enjoy the food you made. it was intended as a personal slight actually #i am trying to offend you for real. yeah. thats definitely whats happening. god/sssss #like god irl if i dont like food you made ill try to be fuckin gracious about it buf dont fucking get mad at me for like. idk. prepping my #own foods you percieve as worth less or whatever the fuck. ppl are so fucking weird about food. #honestly guy on prev post didnt even dislike the cake it sounded like but was just experiencing the human emotion of disappointment #when the little specific joy he was looking forward too was not what he expected. if she had asked him 'do you mind if i make a similar cake #that is not the exact same as the one you asked for? maybe he wouldve been fine cos he wouldnt have been looking forward to that specific #thing. OR maybe he wouldve said if youre not going to make this very specific one im looking forward to then dont bother i dont want you #wasting the time and effort and then she wouldnt have been mad. or maybe she wouldve. ppl do get weird about that kind of thing #maybe saying that wouldve been a crime too. guess that dumb asshole shouldve shut up and eaten his stupid cake and enjoyed it and said #nothing. a recipe for happiness #anyway. hot take ig stop putting nuts in desserts. alllergy havers will prolly thank you but you know who else will thank you? #every day i see takes about food that make me think i really should be more of a picky bitch eater on maim to knock yall pretentious #food fuckers down a peg tbh. every day i resist the urge but god how yall test me. let me be the judge on a cooking show. #weird assholes who are rude abt ppl having allergies or sensory issues: come here. im going to break you #anyway more of us picky bitches who are picky just for like. casual reasons. we should he loud picky bitches on main. if a cook or baker or #whatever can accommodate my picky bitch ass thats difficult to feed for no reason we can be sure they can accommodate allergy havers #and ppl w medical restricted diets. if they can be gracious about me just not vibing w the food then they can def be gracious about more #sensitive reasons. yea i could choke down the food i dont like probably. it wouldnt make me throw up or send me to the hospital. but why #should i? if youre an asshole to me about simply not liking your shit then why the hell would i feel safe disclosing medical info to your #bitch ass? why would i trust you to follow it? and not try to sneak some shit in bc you think you know better about food? #anyway #picky eater rights. let ppl be picky for no apparent reason. cos the ppl who have uwu Good Valid Reasons(tm) dont fucking owe you that #explanation

[prestonmonterey]

ughhhh someone kill me i think i might like stay on the third floor today i actually cant deal with her today

#marble musings #vent #shes the only person in my 'friend' group who has the same free block as me #and shes actually a nightmare to be around #im always worried shes gonna take my stuff #(she likes taking my wolf from my hands and my cat ears off my head #and laughs it off as a joke even after i tell her not to??) #and i cant even escape her bc the new friend group that im kind of maybe a part of #she just shows up sometimes #and its awful bc ive seen her make some of my friends uncomfortable and is entirely unapologetic about it #and shes really loud and makes everything about herself and makes conversations impossible #and its annoying bc she kept complaining about not being able to talk to me during free block bc i have headphones on #to listen to music and/or do work #and i was like #'ok you can talk to me if you want idc' #and now she talks to me nonstop during free block regardless of if i tell her i need to get work done #and her existence just kinda stresses me out #but ive never found the right time to tell her to stop #and i cant sit inside where all the tables are bc we usually sit there #and i cant sit outside bc its prolly wet and also she'll find me #and idk if im even allowed to sit upstairs but i kinda have to bc i really dont want to deal with her today #i need like a proper excuse for why im wearing headphones #she doesnt care that i listen to podcasts #and i don have anything to edit #ummmm #i don actually have any hw other than like studying for my math test #fuck ok i guess ill do that #idk what class shes in #umm #if shes also in honors ill cry

[vestaldestroyer]

today's hungarian class was pure torture. please save me bsdrewatch

#nora learns hungarian #rant incoming #WHY do people sign up for uni when they don't want to study? #today was a practice class. where we practice what we learnt in language class. #and ALL the people who skip the language classes come there #they don't know the grammar. they haven't learnt the vocabulary. #so we have an exercise and they just sit there. waiting for the teacher to take pity on them and tell them the solution. #the teacher doesn't even call on me anymore because he knows i know it. so i don't get to practice at all #to most of those people hungarian is their only major #is it that hard to go to the one important class you have?? #we have a test on friday #ill ace it as always and theyll all sob about how hard it is again #i dont want to judge them. i rly dont. i dont know their circumstances. maybe they have something more important. #BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE

[bloodyke]

family brought some bug into the house im gonna take a covid test tomorrow

#zenith.txt #beyo d frustrating that i do literally everything right by not leaving my house and if i do i wear a kn95 every single time #and i dont eat at resturaunts and i dont go into enclosed spaces with other people and yet bc of other people being irresponsable #they mightve guven it to me..... im beyond pissed #if it is covid im going on a rampage no one will be spared my wrath they KNOW im immunocompromised #everyone hope for the best and its just strep throat or the common cold #ill still be incredibly pissed off that my supposed family put my life in danger like this but at least i wont be in actual danger #anyways if you dont wear a mask and you dont take covid precautions and act like its over give all disabled people $500 and kill yourself #im also gonna buy a portable HEPA air filter for my room #im just so annoyed i beg them to take it seriously and they refuse to... #im going to die out of spite to make them guilty.... #anyways i have like 8 vovid tests stockpiled so ill take one every day for the next week just in case i get a false negative #im.even more frustrated bc i havent gotten it this entire time like i did literally everything in my power and avoided it for years #and now if i got it bc i of shit ass family visiting whom i didnt even want here..... #die die die die kill yourself jump off a bridge etc

[thursdayg1rl]

killing myself in front of the houses of parliament to change their life tragectories forever. and then maybe they will consider trying to make life easier for people in abusive situations

#why is everything so hard to DO #just registered to vote idk if i did it right #bc i searched up my name in her emails bc my school said we need to stay on top of all of it this year #and saw one asking me to register to vote and it said reply by the 19th but obviously she didnt tell me so i might just not get to vote idk #and didnt want to sign up for a postal vote bc of course they have to post the application to you and then she would be like why are you #trying to vote who do you think you are youre not allowed to be a person outside of what i allow etc etc #so ig when the time comes itll have to be in person #and you need id for that #and of course i dont have a driving licence bc im not allowed to learn how to drive so WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO #at least i can access my passport but there could be people whose parents/spouses hide their documents.. #like dp you see what i mean . everythning is a trap #also im getting so much anxiety about not knowing how to drive #bc she'll never let me learn under her roof so wtf am i supposed to do like genuinely #ill just have to go about life not knowing this basic skill #at least my brother knows how to from pakistan so he can just do the tests #i dont even KNOW #theres just so many things like that which make my skin crawl #like the fact that my bank account is linked to her phone and this address so thats a level of control she has over me like for years #and this is my address for everything official basically #and i have no idea how id even start changing it when i do leave #think the only option left is to kms maybe then ill be free

[yourcalamity]

i feel so dizzy and brainfrogged lately i took like three covid tests over the weekend all negative so im just juggling these big metal bits at work with willful ignorance to the consequences that may unfold

#lucky for me im a chronically ill immunocompromised bitch so not only is covidore dangerous for me (apparently) but #i also get to have half the symptoms daily so i cant even tell when i have it until i test! #so i get to waste my money on that shit!!! #its okay though i have a new coworker so theres less strain and were getting a mew machine soon #and not to mention barely anyone seems t understand this which isnt the end of the world but its really fucking annoying #my symptoms are serious but not covid but STILL SERIOUS yes i feel like i have covid all the time sorry i dont look sicker i guess #no my disease is not going to jump out of my dna and into yours #i just wish disability wasnt 100% black and white in everything all the time #your sick and cant do anything or youre well and can do it all until you die

[yutadori]

omg just finished up my sixth shift of work and if i dont get fired by this sunday then ill have completed a full WEEK of shifts !!!! that might sound a little pathetic but it's also a little funny hdskshskd

anyway i feel a lot more comfortable compared to like a week ago somehow?? im more familiar with the different ratios of the drinks and stuff now my head supervisor said that i just need to work on how quickly i work and i think i can dew that 0: im just a bit worried because im sooooo clumsy and im worried that im going to spill shit u__u it was nice because she went out of her way to say if her tone sounds rude when she points out my mistakes, she doesn't mean it and i was like omg thank you for clarifying that ): ive learned to remind myself to not take things seriously / personally in the workplace especially because i havent worked with them long so there really shouldnt be a reason for them to hate me but i think it was really nice and reassuring of her to tell me that ouuu T__T

#im surprised i didnt think i would feel comfortable at this point 0: #esp when there were those few days where it was an absolute wreck djddbdj #ALSO I MET A NEW GUY TODAY AND HE WAS SO CUTE AND REALLY SWEET OUGHHHHHH #like we didnt get to have convos but he was really nice when he was teaching me stuff i was like 🥺🥺🥺 #thank you king..... #sun texts #also first therapy session tomorrow aaaaaa maybe i will be entering my normalgirl era... #also it was so so nice and reassuring because my supervisor was like try to be more mindful but know that when i #correct you its not as if i dont expect you to not make these mistakes again and i was like stop... im so emo right now.... #i feel bad whenever i repeat a mistake so it was really nice of her to say that uuuu T__T #also i think she said shes going to give me a name tag soon ??? #which surprised me because i havent even taken the test yet 0: so theres no guarantee ill pass... hm...

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#so ive been in contact w a clinic for a specific treatment plan&ive been getting paperwork together for this shit for like 3wks+ #&i just got a call about it-- a call ive been waiting for since last week-- only for them to tell me that #ill probably need to be hospitalized for the full extent of the treatment. lmao. #as if this in&of itself was not enough to send me full-on spiraling they let know that this will be totally out of pocket #(which i guess im more or less used to hearing at this point in my life lmao) #&also that i POPPED FOR AMPHETAMINES? #so i immediately start fucking freaking out&the person im talking to is trying to calm me down like #'its okay! youre not in trouble!' #&honest to god if i had been in person i wouldve smacked someone lmao. #i dont give a fuck what you fucking ppl think of me. ive been fighting for solid communication for this entire process #there isnt any reason i should feel inclined to respect any of you bitches enough to give a fuck about your opinion. #even if i didnt have my personal history or occupational hazard list IT WOULD BE CONCERNING TO FIND OUT I HAVE RANDOM DRUGS #IN MY SYSTEM THAT I WAS UNAWARE OF. &frankly that SHOULD be fucking obvious if i am panicking at all. #seeing as a did several different drug tests i dont see how any of it would come as a fucking surprise. #... then she realized that my blood test was negative&my piss test was 'presumptively positive' #&was like that bc of one of my other medications. #im not. THRILLED. that this was overlooked for a large variety of reasons lmao #but the fact that the med evals only last two weeks tops the list bc if i need to retest bc of this shit-- something that wont even #give them a different test result as i am still taking the same medication fucking daily as i have been for over a year now-- #i will need to do EVERYTHING again. for no reason. DEFINITELY for no reason caused by me. #all so they can tell me that they lied to me initially&they wont treat me unless i let them hospitalize me lmao. #im going to go fucking rabid. i Do Not want to be hospitalized. lmao.

[sanchoyo]

on a less posi note i got another call from my doctors office saying 'oh can u come in today or tomorrow for ur labs? u had one done 3 months ago and u RLY need to get this checked/compared to that one!!' and its like. i talked to a nurse on the phone abt that appointment LAST WEEK!! (it was supposed to be this last monday) telling her that my insurance got cancelled and i absolutely had to cancel that appointment bc i cant pay for the 1. walk in fees without any copay 2. and the labs pay on top of that. the fact they called me again abt it rly did kinda upset me its like. i Know You Think I Need This But It Feels Like You Just Want Money. and did not listen to me the first time we talked abt this, last week!!! and making it sound so Urgent AFTER i said i cant afford it just freaked me out like They Have In Their Files that I have anxiety so Why Did they DO That. After I said I Cannot Come! and i felt rly embarrassed over the whole thing having to be like 'ya i cant afford it' even tho ik thats a reality for a lot of ppl besides myself yk. lol (': basically the Mood today is fuck the american health care system (hint: that is the Mood everyday)

#like why didnt the nurse i talked to last week from there make a note of it or smth?? #i didnt say 'ill reschedule'!! i said 'i need to cancel that and prob wont be able to come again anytime soon'!!! LIKE... #THAT DOES NOT MEAN CALL AGAIN AND TRY TO TALK ME INTO COMING.......im AWARE i prob need to get it tested but #at the same time if i did get money id put it towards my debt not medical stuff to put me into MORE debt like HELLO. sorry! #or even just put it towards my pets lol!!! #quite frankly if i do have hyperthyroid issues i dont want to know i changed my mind <3 stop calling me <3 #i simply do not see it (any new medical or mental issues) I have enough i am not able to manage as it is so! no thank you!! #sanchoyorambles #medical talk #<- ik some ppl get upset at medical stuff so blacklist that #im just still embarrassed and mad at myself for wht happened at that last job bc i couldve had insurance on part time. and it was a Easy Jo #with fucking free food and 4-5 hour shifts maximum. #but nooo. i freaked out and quit after (1) day. Very cool thank you past me 👍

[tinylittlebab]

i only weigh 97 pounds????

#wha. what. i figured i weighed like be 10 pound more than that #coincidentally the weight that id consider best to go for it 87 bc that bmi is 14.9 and a bmi below 15 can be dangerous so i dont wanna dip #too far below it. i wann go for around 85 but i think 87 is a better option even though its not a nice neat number #ofc its hard to have a general exact weight but i think i wanna aim for 87 being be general weight and probably less when i first wake up #idk. im surprised by this though. and i tested the scale with other stuff so i know it works properly #well. i only have 10 pounds to lose. maybe i should try getting some muscle so i look thinner. it weighs more so if i was 87 with more #muscle then i would be skinnier. im very bad at it though. ive never really tried i guess so maybe ill attempt that. hmm. idk. #idk how you really do that. well. ill look into it i guess. it would let me look skinnier at the same weight

[toytulini]

I saw Barbie last night, I dont think i have a long film review of it for yall but idk I'll put some thoughts under a readmore I guess?

-Right off the bat, I enjoyed it, it was fun. It was a fun pink poppy romp. Thats about what I expected of it, and thats pretty much what I got

-Its not particularly radical in its gender/feminism takes, its very basic, which, I saw a number of ppl mention that before I saw it so I wasnt expecting anything radical. It couldve done better. it was. fine. im shrug about it i guess.

-My mom enjoyed it and was apparently not expecting any sort of emotional depth or story at all so it caught her off guard. I heard her crying. she cries easy at movies. I'm glad my mom liked it. Maybe she'll absorb some of the very basic feminism it drops idk.

-I knew the Kens adopted patriarchy and introduced it to Barbieland but it felt lile that happened very fast, idk.

-The ending....I. is her going to a gynecologist supposed to be like. shes gotten a vagina by deciding to be human?? or is she trying to schedule a surgery or something? that felt pretty weird to me if im honest, i thought it was gonna be a job interview or smth... Especially with how everyone was like "Barbie is ace (heheeh i agree) cos she has no genitals! (sorry what. excuse me. wanna run that by me again?)" like okay that makes that headcanon reasoning even more dewply uncomfortable that it already was?

-I enjoyed weird Barbie. i wish theyd cast someone else cos iirc ka/te mckin/non was a transmisogynist? unless she apologized or said she changed her mind on the topic since like 2017?? but i havent seen anything? idk. just. annoying to keep platforming these ppl. i guess theres probably other actors involved that have shit views of trans ppl. whatever i guess.

-I did dress up a little. i feel like my outfit had Weird Barbie Vibes. maybe ill post a pic.

-I did enjoy it and it had a number of shots and or transitions i liked, i think the one with the disco ball to the moon or whatever was enjoyable.

-god we really are so weird about barbie

-it just feels factually incorrect that all dolls pre barbie were baby dolls? idk. im sure it was the most common kind. but idk. not to be weird about The History Of Dolls but like. the porcelain dolls from the Victorian era. idk if those count as baby dolls. iirc those were to help young girls practice prepping dead bodies of loved ones for funerals or smth??? but i guess porcelain dolls have a sort of babyish look about them. and are fragile so you cant play rough with them.

-Like i Know its a 2hr long toy commercial for mattel but also god that cant be right. even if they werent filling the same niche as barbie as idk basically a fashion doll? there had to be other dolls right?

-I know the flat foot thing is Supposed to be over the top and silly for them all to get upset about but also tbh. as a bitch with falling arches the way some of yall make jokes about flat feet still is uh. well. rude. but also lmao man. the day my arches started hurting for no reason while i was barefoot did sorta feel emotionally like her feet falling to the ground lol.

-i want to introduce barbie to margot robbie's harley quinn owo. i think that would be Fun :3

-i want Ken's job. how do i do Beach as an occupation.

-I actually liked how they handled Ken and Barbie's rship til the end. i feel weird about that ending overall and also it feels weak wrt her dynamic as Ken. they make him grapple w her not reciprocating his feelings the same way but then she just leaves barbieland anyway?? and ig they dont get to explore a friendship or qpr dynamic. ok. its fine i guess.

-her saying she has no genitalia felt so transgender in a way im not sure it was intended to. ken saying he has all of the genitalia felt even more transgender. headcanoning them both as extremely transgender in fun weird new ways and no one can stop me.

-Allan is my favorite character i think. bro me too

-bibbleless movie. add bibble.

#toy txt post #barbie spoilers #barbie movie #everyone kept trying to get my dad to come see it and like.i get it.but genuinely he would hate it even if not for his conservative bullshit #he hates goofy fun movies. OR. he wouldve actually enjoyed it a little bit and been REALLY ANNOYING ABOUT IT bc he would never admit it #and insist he hated it #and hed enjoy the ken patriarchy thing too much #basically im very glad we didnt drag my dad along cos i have to live with him and i think he would be insufferable about it #he has no appreciation for any kind of whimsy or fun! he would hate this silly movie #also this was the first time id been in a movie theater since pre2020. #i enjoyed dressing up in a silly little outfit. but i think i wouldve been happier to wait for it to be out of theaters tbh. theaters teste #tested my patience even before covid like oh im gonna sit uncomfortably in this chair and crane my neck up at this screen and i cant pause #it and theres no captions and people are Eating all around me and now i go and its all the same but im the only one wearing a mask so i dont #get to have a lil snack either and i still have to hear ppl eating around me and part way thru the movie someone across the aisle was making #some kind of horrible very wet and loud gulping noise with their drink or Something?? and i did feel violent about it #i would never be violent about it but my god do i feel like biting. you know. anyway. not sure if ill bother seeing any more movies #in theater now. i just would like them at home. idk #i will give props to barbie. it was like kovie theater loud but at least it wasnt giant major booms and inaudible ass dialogue

[szczylpierdolony]

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#im so stressed out im so tired ive done nothing and i need to start writing the essays #i have 3 to do plus there are like 6 exams most of which have a lot shit to remember plus im having a psychology short test #and the results of another short test next week and i need to start this economy assignment #and im late almost two weeks with a russian assignment and i want to cry #my meds arent working so im a mess and i stopped taking them bc they give me nightmares but now im having withdrawal and my heart is being #weird and i want to cry i need to kill myself i need to call my doctor #and maybe ask her abt that thing that makes you not have to take all your exams if youre mentally ill #but i feel bad asking for it like its not like im really sick and it feels like im just constantly lying #and she already signed the crap that makes me not have to go to pe thankfully #so i cant go and ask her abt this too like whatever worst case i fail everything and rip my guts out and die #i dont remember when i showered last time and im just so stressed out and i cant do anything productive #i havent been drawing or learning or revising or even doing my reading #speaking of which i have like 300 pages for next week maybe more and i cant take this anymore i need to die #also i think my parents would get mad at me if i said i cant wrote all my exams #bc whatever im not really sick im just lazy and annoying and a bad person and i wish i could get hit by a car so bad i need my head to be #crushed and my brain to get wplattered across the street #also im so gross and sweaty i hate myself sm and i feel so guilty over everything all the time #and them i go to therapy and i cant talk abt anything bc i hate talking abt my feelings its gross and i dont deserve it #i wish there was easy access to guns here suicide would be so easy jesus #and im having insane mood swings again i need to get off social media even tumblr it just makes me feel like shit abt myself #tw suicide mention