#ill adopt kids and give them a good life and not traumatize myself with a mate

[everythingsinred]

Sorry if you've already brought this up somewhere at some point, but I have two NatsuMikan questions about,,, gregnancy 😬

1) Do you think they'd even want kids? I can imagine that they'd both be hesitant on the idea of having a kid that undoubtedly would have an Alice, even if the academy wasn't chasing families down anymore (which like, that is a thing that was stopped, right? I hope it was because that's literally so traumatic, why is this school so fucking traumatizing)

2) There would be a chance that the kid could get an Alice shape like Natsume's, so like,, that could be rough on his end, like would they even want to do that without knowing how long Natsume has?

I realize that kinda seeps into an idea that people with chronic and/or terminal illnesses can't have families or be happy or something, but I'm just thinking about Natsume's mom, and how young he was when she died. I *heavily* doubt he would remember her death, but I'm certain that he would feel her loss, and I'm just wondering if you think he would go through with it despite that.

Personally, I have a hard time imagining them having a family, but that may be because for the majority of the series, they are children. Whenever I do try to imagine it, my brain just goes into Punnett Square Mode(tm) and tries to figure out what could be dominant traits from what is known, so not much is done there lmao

these are really great questions. to be honest because they never actually talk about it, the answer would be entirely up to headcanon, so there is no right or wrong answer.

also this ended up being rly long and rambly sorry

funnily enough i did mention this topic a lil when i'd reblogged a character question meme thing and someone requested i do all of them (i'd established myself as a natsume aficionado at this point i guess lmao). the relevant part of my answer to question #13 (about what he'd be like as a parent) was:

 i feel like natsume would be hesitant at first to be a dad. like he’d be super happy to find out mikan is pregnant ofc but he’d be hesitant. maybe he wouldn’t voice it. he’d be uncomfortable on several counts: 1) life shortening alices are genetic and he would never want his child to suffer as he has. 2) he’d be scared that he wouldn’t have as much time to spend with his kid as he’d like and would be sad to miss out on important milestones in the case that he dies too young. in my mind the life-shortening alice gets cured after a few years so these become non-issues and thus he gets very happy about having a kid.

something you must know about me is that i HATE the thought of natsume dying like it fully disgusts me--i hate to imagine he dies young. it feels really wrong to me. my brain cannot allow me to view the last little bit of the manga as canon tbh, so it's constructed another canon ending for me that includes the discovery of a cure for the fourth shape. (is it even possible to cure it? i dont CARE.) because of this (delusional) state of mind, i dont rly think of most of the things you mentioned. the cool thing about post-canon is that nobody can really stop you from thinking whatever you want. but i will address all of your points anyway bc theyre valid and then ill give my thoughts on them having kids, though im not an expert and certainly not the deciding opinion on what headcanons other ppl should adopt.

its a good point to bring up, discussing what happy endings exist for ppl with chronic or terminal diseases in media, even if he still has the same alice shape. my sister zoe has type 1 diabetes and we've had conversations about this exact thing (not about natsume; about her). it's a complicated issue for her, because even if type 1 diabetes isn't terminal (anymore), it is a huge source of grief and upset for her AND it's genetic. it ultimately comes down to each individual person, i think. some disabled or sick people want cures, others don't. some want children, some don't. because each person is different, what each person wants for their future or even in the media they consume is different as well.

your first question reminds me of yuka, actually, whose dream was to start a family and live a happy life. when she finds out her baby has an alice, she tries to steal it because she wants mikan to have a good life, and not suffer as she had, until kaoru stops her. it's definitely a valid concern, but i don't know how natsume or mikan feel about it in terms of having their own kid. personally im still not sure how the academy has actually changed since mikan left. we don't really get much of a breakdown. that being said, even though mikan said "i trust narumi-sensei" and that she didnt regret coming to the academy in kageki, im pretty certain that if they did become parents, they definitely wouldnt want their kid taken away from them.

which would mean the academy would have to change fundamentally to allow BOTH 1. parents to decline sending their kids to alice academy without being ceaselessly harassed and scouted AND 2. parents who do choose to send their kids to alice academy to get full visiting and contacting privileges WHICH SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING?? if a mom hears her son is crying himself to sleep bc he misses her, she should be allowed to call him or visit or send him a care package. (you know. how normal boarding schools work.)

maybe if the school changed in this way (and hey, maybe it did), then i could see natsume and mikan feeling a bit better about having a kid.

the next point, about natsume's alice shape being genetic... yeah its pretty rough. natsume the martyr, who always thinks of others, would never EVER have kids if he thought there was even a chance his child might suffer like he did.

so i guess my answer is... depending on what you want to believe happens after the ending, natsume and mikan MIGHT have kids and they MIGHT not. it entirely depends on what developments take place. ppl have been coming up w headcanons for their future even before the manga ended, anything from completely ignoring natsumes alice shape to having mikan and their potential kids visit his grave (not my favorite premise tbh).

ig my idea of natsume having his alice shape "cured" or undone or whatever comes from wanting one of my favorite characters to live a long happy life. its not specifically for the outcome of children or anything like that. its just worth noting that the academy is also a research institute, that there's healing alices in this world, and that you can make up whatever you want bc its a fantasy setting where ppl have magical powers and are able to undo death. (yes this is me justifying my staunch belief that natsume doesnt die in his early twenties.)

personally, i dont mind them having kids. its not rly something focal to me bc theres so much else going on in the story and with their characters for me to think about that the idea of kids is so far away. still, sometimes i like reading a lil fic about them having a kid, canon or au. its kinda cute. i also kinda like it in that if i believe they could have kids, that means that natsume MUST live and his alice must no longer be an issue (bc like we both agree on, natsume simply would not have kids if he thought the child could inherit his alice shape). in my head, i kinda always assumed they would? its made possible by my delusions. if you read the questions post i linked up there, i said "it's non-negotiable" but that was mainly in regards to higuchi maintaining in the memorial book that natsume wouldnt live a very long life. again, natsume WOULDN'T have kids if he knew they had a chance of suffering like he did, so that means if he ever DID have kids, then that chance must no longer exist. idk if that makes sense.

again, im really actually not an expert. i would even say "i didnt create these characters" except that that would mean higuchi's say should be final and i dont want her say to be final. really, its a fictional world w fictional characters. so if u wanna be delusional like me and find it difficult to see higuchi's ending without saying "but thats not what it looks like to ME," then go for it! we can be happy together. but also if these aspects of natsume and mikan and the academy feel inseparable from your own beliefs of the story, then thats fine too. honestly theres rly no right or wrong answer when it comes to post-ending headcanon. ppl can disagree. dont take me saying "i want natsume to have kids so he can spite higuchi" or whatever as a way of judging or disapproving of the headcanon that he wouldnt have kids. its a plausible outcome that he wouldn't. i just feel like i need to say that bc my opinion doesnt rly weigh more than anybody else's

i must say though: thank you for sending this ask. i have been having a rough day and coming home to answer this took my mind off the whole situation and made me feel so much better <3 thank you

#i did doodle natsumikan children once when i was 14 or 15. i can admit that now #also theres the very real possibility that they could um. get pregnant on accident. #which is a WHOLE OTHER CAN OF WORMS. i dont know if i can comment on that #im sorry for being so unhelpful abt post-ending topics. i HATE the ga ending but i love ga so the ending isnt real to me #in order to cope my brain became incapable of viewing the ending as legitimate. it feels instead like a POTENTIAL ending #rather than The Ending #the real ending (to me) never sent hotaru to another dimension and natsume gets to live bc of an inexplicable but very story-prominent cure #the academy goes through a lot of institutional change bc its built on the exploitation of children as its very premise #in order to become a good place #it must change its base premise as well as most of the ways it works. #i like shiki. i just legit cant believe that a man who used to be in anti academy terrorist group just let it continue on as is #like. hed do something about it. create change. hes a good guy and he still loves yuka theres just no way he wouldnt actually change it #answered #tardytothepardy #ga #god im rly sorry this is so long #tbh i dont actually know how to answer ur question in a satisfying way. the real answer is maybe? who knows? all up to u really

[youmakeme-wonder]

.

#my favorite thing is when everyone tells me to stop when im right #like yes mom #we sat in here yesterday and listened to ypur husband #MY FATHER #and my cousin talk about what type of woman is worth marriage #and it aint me #so im destined to die alone #and that is fine #ill adopt kids and give them a good life and not traumatize myself with a mate #men aint shit

[ziracona]

Pretty sure your sudden spike in Fate content is gonna be like the third time I check something out bc you started posting it (I know next to nothing about Fate. In fact, I think I now know less than before you started). I'm rly not sure what the best starting point to get into it is, though. Any recommendation? (also I got Moriarty on your quiz and now I want to know why he's so beloved)

Oh sick! Awesome! I hope you enjoy it! 

Uhm, so, Fate notoriously swaps out like their whole creative team from work to work, so some of it is really good, and some is really bad, and some in the middle, because it’s made by very different people. The things I am most into are UBW, and Fate Go. Fate Go is a little gatcha phone game, that suffers from the fate of the whole fate franchise but as a single unit. They swap out writers from arc and event to arc and event, so sometimes you’re living and thriving, and sometimes you’re like *thousand yard glazed, pained stare* ‘why the fuck did I download this game?’ Very mixed bag. I enjoy it because I just kinda blow through any arc I don’t like and skim, and then go hella into the good ones, but it’s very much an individual matter of taste one. It’s very fun to collect spirits and get to know them though, and some of the arcs are fantastic. Also, they have made/are making some of the Fate Go arcs into shows, and I expect the ones that are of good game arcs are good? But I haven’t actually checked any out myself yet--I really need to watch E Pluribus Unum, because it was an easy top 3 arc for me in the game.

I’m big into Fate, but I actually have approximate knowledge of many things? And have not consumed as much media as you’d think. I tend to hear people really like Fate Zero, and very mixed reviews of Apocrypha, but I would wholeheartedly recommend the Fandom Classic(tm) and my personal fave as where to start, which is Unlimited Blade Works.

Sorry this is so long. Okay, so. Originally, Fate Stay/Night was a visual novel with three paths/routes: Fate, Unlimited Blade Works, and Heaven’s Feel. All of these are shows now. Unlimited Blade Works was made twice. Do not watch the early one; it’s bad. Watch the 2014 TV series--it’s on Netflix right now. Don’t watch the English dub--the VAs are...not great. 110% recommend watching it in Japanese/original dub, with subtitles. (This one)

My usual pitch is that if you’re a normal person, you’ll probably go “This was a little confusing, but I really got into it: 8.3/10″, and if you’re like me and you never really gave up on wanting to become a superhero and save the world some day, you’ll go: “It was fantastic, 18/10, but it also ripped out my soul and left me wounded but somehow in an okay way.” Either way very worth watching. Since it’s not the first route, there are some things they don’t explain about the world because they kind of assume the viewer will know, but that’s pretty minimal--it’s def coherent enough that the more confusing bits are more of a “Uh, okay. I think.” than a “W-What the fuck is going on?”

It’s really good. Two seasons, the most beautiful fighting in almost anything I’ve ever seen, phenomenal soundtrack, and one of the best show opens (Season 2′s) of any show I ever saw. All around a just big blanket rec from me. It’s a long-time fan favorite for a reason. It’s one of my fave shows ever :’-] It was. Very personal to me.

Uhhhh what else--okay so, on Netflix if you watch it there, and a lot of streaming sites, they list “Episode 0″ or “Prologue” as the first episode? This was originally bonus content, not the first episode. It’s basically the first episode from not the MC’s point of view, but a different major character. It’s got some really great character moments and insight into Rin and Archer, and it’s fun, but since it was originally bonus, the pacing is super weird? So I would recommend you start with actual episode 1/Winter Days, A Fateful Night instead? Unless you just want to. Like it won’t mess up the show, but it might give you a weird idea of what the pacing is. So you can watch it first if you want, or later whenever you’re curious about those two, just like, if you start on it, don’t get overwhelmed by the stuff they’re not explaining, or the weird pacing. It’s supposed to be bonus content haha.

Very happy you’re interested! I really love UBW so I hope you enjoy it! If there’s anything else you want to ask feel totally free! I just don’t want to ramble for eight years about my special interest and fall into a black hole unprompted haha. : D Very happy you’ve been intrigued by my weird spike of fate content WAIT YOU ASKED ABOUT CRIME GRANDPA HOW COULD I FORGET.

Woof this is gonna be a long ask answer. Uhhhh, so Moriarty is from Fate Grand Order/Fate Go, the phone game. The game has three major arc sets so far: Grand Order, Epic of Remnant, and Cosmos in the Lostbelts. He’s from Epic of Remnant, and he’s universally beloved because he’s amazing. The MC in Fate Go is like 16, but he or she (you get to pick) is constantly having to risk their life and be hurt and traumatized and watch people die to save the world because there’s no one else to do it, and usually people are...not super nice to them. Moriarty shows up in the first of the second set of arcs and is like ‘Haha that’s a wholeass human child tho. Guys. Guys, a-are you sure about this?’ and he’s really there to pull of a massive evil culmination-of-my-life’s-entire-work-and-value scheme, but this kid is nice to him, and has nobody who looks out for them, and Evil Has Standards, so (Arc End Spoilers for that one ahead) he ends up giving up basically at the last minute. He had a plan that was totally working and could have won, but can’t really pull the trigger, because winning would mean this kid who has been nice to him and is already a massive pile of trauma and pressure and mental illness would die, and he cares more about them than his life’s goal. In Go usually boss fights are progressively harder, but his is super easy because he throws it, and chooses to lose, and basically throws away his life’s work for this one kid because nobody else is taking care of them, and lets himself get killed. This is a pattern with him. Other high points include later being 5 seconds into a scheme when Frankenstein (the girl one, who in fgo is like 14) stops him to call him Papa and asks for help, so he adopts her on the spot and just is her dad forever after that. He’s very goofy and I love him; he’s evil, but I’d trust him with my life, because he’s more good than he is evil, even though he’s both. Basically he’s just a very interesting and well written villain, but he’s also like, the /best/ dad in the game at the same time, and his dialogue is amazing. Evil Has Standards team dad poster man. He’s like the only adult in Fate Go who actually is responsible, which is fuckin wild. I’ll try to find some good screenshots of his dialogue. Anyway he’s incredible and I’m so happy you got him; Crime Papa is life.

Here have some Moriarty junk: (Shinjuku arc you have 3 partners, and the other two are adults but harass the MC constantly, and this was the dynamic. Bless Moriarty) 

And here’s some him roasting Sherlock memes and being good dad to the MC

#ask #tathracyn #fate #long post

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 505

ADSOOO!!! AND CLAIRE!!! AND ADSOOOOO!!!

My floofer was not amused when I woke her up to show her the cat on the teevee. Bqhatevwr, boo boo, you’re stuck with me. #TeamSocialDistancing

Oh, I guess the voice overs are back in a big way. Super...

And also like, this whole running bit about God and stuff would work so much better if they’d included Jamie and Claire’s faith a bit more throughout the show. *cough Jamie’s prayer cough*

Do we have to pour one out for science!jizz? This is the book bit where the science!jizz happened, but maybe they’ll do it later? Probs not. Le sigh.

Marsali being all excited with Claire and Claire being all fuck yeah I found it gives me the warm fuzzies. I LOVE THE TWO OF THEM A LOT OK.

This montage makes me dizzy. Not a fan, tbh.

Oh hey, the old Hancock building! With a park that looks nothing like Boston, haha. But I appreciate the effort lol, my main office is like a block from the old Hancock building. Not that I’ll be seeing it any time soon. Living that work from home life until the plague times are over.

But for real, social distance. No joke. Stay the fuck home.

I love 60s Claire if only because damn girl, look at dem legsss.

Hi, I’m Der and I’m very shallow sometimes.

But Claire has objectively great legs.

Omfg, Roger, stop being a butthurt whiner. You suck at being a soldier. You know you suck at being a soldier. And instead of being like yeah, let me learn and get better, you just bitch about it.

Sam is gonna kick his horse in the head at some point. Why the fuck does he dismount like that. It’s literally bugged me since season one.

So they’re pardoning everyone. Probs not Murtz though. Cool that instead of doing a continuous ramp up to the inevitable confrontation, they’re going the book route of lol, jk, all this was kind of a waste of time for now...

Really, Knox, you did something excessive? Cool way to say murdered a dude.

Ok well if Knox is getting the Ardsmuir roll, then he’s def gonna die, right?

Jamie’s 100% gonna intentionally miss Murtz’s face.

Boom, called it.

I do not like spiders. Please move this VO along, Claire.

I’m fucking glad we finally get Doctor!Claire. We should have gotten more Doctor!Claire in season three. Jamie got to have all aspects of his 20 years examined but fucking Claire’s side was literally just about Fred and how shitty he is.

Fuck you, season three. Fuck yeah, Doctor!Claire!

“It’s my married name.” Lulz. And not the married name she wants...

GRAHAM SAYS THE THING JAMIE SAID WHEN CLAIRE WAS STITCHING HIM UP IN SEASON ONE AND I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT IT OK.

Graham makes me miss when the show was in Scotland like whoa. I miss the Squad. There are so many characters now that are like kind of always around but they’re not part of the Squad. And the main Squad is always separated. So like there’s barely any big group adventures anymore where we actually give a shit about everyone involved.

I JUST WANT THE FOLKS I CARE ABOUT TO HANG OUT MORE, OK!

Needle!jizz 2.0 is gonna be the closest we get to science!jizz, isn’t it. Whomps.

Can the show please just be a period procedural with Claire and Marsali being badass doctors? Thx.

Because for real though, Marsali being like “scalpel” is my favorite thing ever.

I feel you, Jemmy, I’d cry if I were stuck hanging out with Roger too.

I DO NOT LIKE SPIDERS, CLAIRE.

“My lass is more concerned wi’ words and deeds.” Which is why it baffles me that she’s still with you, bro, because your words and deeds fucking suck.

How Bonnet doesn’t accidentally swallow the diamond is beyond me.

Ok so if your wife was violently raped and you know she’s had some PTSD about it, because you’ve seen the drawings and stuff, you should maybe act completely the opposite way from how Roger is acting.

“And you kept it? A gift...from Bonnet.” Yes, you giant fuckwit, your traumatized wife went to hang with her rapist for shits and giggles and accepted a present because she really wants a memento to remember him by. They’re on such good terms and all. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW IS HE SUCH A DOUCHECANOE?!

You do not get to judge or question how someone processes their trauma you raging asshat.

He is such a fucking Fred.

Do I think what Bree did was smart? Or a good decision? Hard no. But it’s what she thought she needed to do to move forward with her life. And so she can do whatever the fuck she wants. Yeah, words have consequences and it was a stupid move, but Roger needs to step all the fucking way off.

“You’ve never said as much to me.” “I didn’t think I needed to.” I HATE ROGER SO MUCH. I HATE HIM WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND FIERY SUNS. HOW DO THE WRITERS NOT REALIZE THAT THEY’RE MAKING THE CHARACTER WHO’S SUPPOSED TO BE THE SECOND ROMANTIC MALE LEAD AN IRREDEEMABLE PIECE OF SHIT. OH WAIT BECAUSE THEY HAVE LOTS OF PRACTICE FROM FRED 1.0 THAT FRED 2.0 IS JUST A NATURAL PROGRESSION.

Lol at this “Boston” priest sounding vaguely southern. Is he one of the pedos the archdioceses just kept shuffling around?

(I’m not a fan of organized religion and being forced to grow up Catholic sucked a lot for me. I did some therapy about it.)

Ok so is Claire’s knife on her belt the hand job antler knife? I mean, Jamie doesn’t give it to her until Echo, but I’m gonna pretend like it’s the hand job antler knife. Also, some witches use a white handled knife called a boline to cut herbs and stuff so it’s fitting that Claire constantly-being-witchy-to-her-own-detriment Beauchamp has a white handled knife for collecting herbs.

“Yeah, Frank and I... no, we had a very complicated marriage.” Well that’s one way to put it. *keeps rage bottled up on the inside*

“Frank and I, we still managed to make it work, for Bree’s sake.” Except it didn’t fucking work. He was terrible to you. You basically put up with 20 years of emotional abuse for the sake of your kid and then he used her as a weapon against you. Because he is garbage. Much like Roger.

Claire is always the bigger person. She was with Fred and now with Roger. Like, I’m still pissed that she never got to let out her side of things. She just keeps framing it through rose colored glasses, never speaking ill of Fred when he didn’t do that for her.

WE DO NOT DESERVE CLAIRE BEAUCHAMP AND NEITHER DO MOST OF THE MEN ON THIS SHOW.

Fergus deserves milady.

They’re really going hard with the Roger, Bree and Jemmy have to go back stuff. Are they gonna bump them going back up to the season finale this year? They bring it up basically every fucking episode. I’d be down with moving that along tbh. Except then we’d have to have just the two of them as their own story line and I hate that part from the books.

“We are but humble servants to the law.” Really, Javert Knox. Would you say your duty’s to the law?

“Those who follow the path of the righteous shall have their reward.” Yes, bible and shit, but also a veRY FAMOUS LINE FROM A VERY FAMOUS SONG FROM A VERY FAMOUS MUSICAL.

“Scotland, eh? I never stopped missing it.” HARD SAME, GRAHAM. HARD SAME.

Pledged their oaths to the militia. Not the governor. Miiiinor detail, haha.

“It is a relief, to finally put down the sword and pistol and pick up the axe and shovel.” So, Jamie, you’re saying you’re gonna walk behind the plough-share, you will put away the sword?

Oh hey, it’s Joe! Another person we should have spent more time with in season three.

“Something about Graham Menzies...” Maybe the fact that he could easily have been part of the OG Squad?

I MISS THE OG SQUAD.

“Principally that men like Fitzgibbons never change.” Really, Knox, men like [him] can never change? A man, such as [him]?

“OUR DUTY IS TO THE LAW. WE WILL SEE JUSTICE DONE.” OK BUT THEY’RE LIKE LITERALLY TRYING TO SHOEHORN IN ALL THE LES MIS LYRICS THEY CAN LIKE THE TIME I DID THAT WITH I’M ON A BOAT IN THAT ONE RECAP...

“What kind of deceitful devil wears the guise of honor and talks of justice and mercy?” Valjean Fraser, at last we see each other plain...

“Believe of me what you will,” there’s a duty that he’s sworn to do. Protect his Murtz.

“As god is my witness, I will do what must be done.” You never shall yield? ‘Til you come face to face?

“Damned if I’ll be in league with a traitor.” Would you rather live in the debt of a thief?

“But I will not stand by and watch my kin hunted like a dog.” Like a dog on the run, Jamie?

Called it! Broski needed to die. You’re not gonna make sure the letters are burned all the way, Jamie? Like didn’t that dude who brought in the letters see you there? This seems like it’s gonna backfire *rull* quick.

Also, speaking of dead bodies, is Rando McWhatshisface still in the basement?

Is Adso Gavroche in this scenario?

Jamie Fraser, murder to kitten snuggles in 0.3 seconds.

IF YOU HURT ONE HAIR ON MY LITTLE BEBE’S HEAD, I WILL END YOU, JAMIE.

Slash finally, I thought this episode was turning into Waiting for Gadsot...

(I made myself chuckle a little too hard at that one, tbh.)

“I found him in an alley, couldn’t leave him behind.” AKA how Jamie Fraser adopts all of his children, haha.

“How would you feel about taking a trip to London with me? Your father wanted to bring you there before he died.” You mean, when he threatened to steal your kid from you? It fucking speaks so highly of Claire that she won’t ruin Bree’s impression of Fred. Even though Bree knows by now that he was a terrible person.

“Thank you for my gift.” YOUR GIFT LOVES YOU TOO, CLAIRE!

(And I’m still a sucker for the Claire calling Jamie “soldier” bit.)

#* #outlander starz #outlander 5x05 #drunj!der yells about outlander #and yes i am still using bqhatevwr #seven year old memes from politicians who elizabeth warren crushed are my fave

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 129: “She Seems Scared”

Previously on BnHA: Deku tried to land a hit on Nighteye using rapidfire attacks lifted from Gran Torino, but was unable to pass Nighteye’s test and take the stamp from him within three minutes. Nighteye realized that Deku had purposely avoided hitting the numerous All Might posters, banners, and cutouts displayed all around the room, which surprised him so much he actually laughed. He then proclaimed that he would hire Deku and was actually planning to do so all along. However, he says he hasn’t acknowledged Deku, and he intends to use the internship to show him how ill-suited he is to being the successor to OFA. The next day, Nighteye, Bubble Girl, Mirio, and Deku set out to do some patrol and surveillance. Nighteye explained that his agency had been tracking a yakuza capo named “Chisaki”, whom the readers know as Overhaul. Because Deku is a villain magnet, of fucking course he ran into Overhaul himself not three pages later. But in a twist, he seemed to be accompanied by a scared young girl.

Today on BnHA: Overhaul, playing nice, apologizes for his “daughter” whom he says has run off. Oh, those bandages on her arms and legs? Not to fret, she’s simply been roughhousing too much and got a little scraped up. Absolutely no one is fooled by this, and Deku can see that the little girl is plainly terrified, so he refuses to let her go as she clings to him for dear life. Mirio is worried that Deku will throw off their investigation by acting too suspicious of Overhaul -- they’re not supposed to know he’s a villain -- but Deku thinks it would be even more suspicious if they, as heroes, were to leave a scared little girl after she’s asked for their help. Overhaul leads them into a dark alley to “talk”, and Eri, afraid that he’s about to kill the two heroes, runs back over to him. Mirio and Deku are forced to let them leave without further incident. Overhaul savagely kills the henchman who almost let Eri escape, and leads her to a freaky laboratory, all the while acting like a total creep. There, he’s told he has a phone call -- from Shigaraki Tomura.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 155 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

guess what time it is kids YEP, you guessed it, NEW VOLUME TIME

well this is all very vague and rather underwhelming

can’t remember the last time I saw a title and cover page that gave away so little. hey guys I think Deku, the main character, will probably feature in this volume pretty heavily. and he’ll be neither happy nor sad nor angry, but based on this, just rather meh. okay then Deku

(ETA: now that I know what the title is in reference to, I kinda wish All Might had also featured on this cover in some small way. ah well)

hey guys who is this

is this what’s-his-name? Amajiki? will he be working with Kirishima interning at this friendly Hamburglar’s agency? AMAJIKI WHAT’S YOUR QUIRK

loooool the character page doesn’t have Todoroki or Bakugou. I’ll try to be a big girl about this. I can go one volume without 2/3 of my sons being featured. but their efforts to pass the make-up provisional license exam had better be fucking successful goddammit. I can only take so much before I start going into withdrawals here

(ETA: sorry, past me. it turns out we’re not very good at handling this. it also turns out it is not, in fact, just one volume. the good news is that as soon as this recap is posted, we are going on a binge of destiny and we will not stop until we have reunited with our missing children. this is my solemn vow)

at least All Might, Ochako, Aizawa, Kirishima, and MY BOY MIRIO are still here

chapter SUTAATO

so we’re flashing back a few moments before the end of the previous chapter

Deku and Mirio are out on patrol!

Deku says he’s nervous, and Mirio’s surprised because this isn’t even anything particularly difficult, it’s just a patrol

and after a moment’s consideration he’s asking if it’s trauma from the League of Villains’ attack

oh Mirio you’re so considerate you precious little dumpling

but Deku says no, he just surprisingly lacks experience with basic hero stuff because so much out-of-the-ordinary shit keeps happening to him

you know what, it’s true. he didn’t even get to do a single patrol during his training with Gran Torino because he ran into the fucking Hero Killer on his third fucking day

Mirio’s all “wow that’s weird” and yeah, but only if you’re not a main character

by the way please look at this duck man here

is this a duck or a chicken or like what the hell is this dude

anyway, because Mirio doesn’t yet realize the scope of Deku’s Main Character Powers, he tells Deku not to worry and that they’ll just be patrolling while Nighteye’s team will be the ones doing surveillance

oh Mirio. so beautiful, so kind, so fucking naive

Deku’s watching this glorious shooting star at work, and thinking again about how he was the original One for All candidate and All Might never said anything

follow me baby

now Mirio’s asking Deku what his superhero name is, and Deku is like, “Deku”

I just really love Deku’s “I’m Deku” face. he has no right to make me keep wanting to ruffle his hair like this

Mirio’s name is “Rumillion”, which apparently refers to the fact that he wants to be a guy who can save millions of people. even if it’s not quite to All Might’s standard of being able to save all people

(ETA: so as we all know, it’s actually Lemillion, which is apparently French? so weird)

what an interesting interpretation of what the “all” in All Might stands for. pretty sure it’s wrong, but it’s still cool

so I guess his chest plate does say 1,000,000. and also his actual name is worked into the superhero name just like Uravity’s punny name. these fucking kids

Mirio gets Deku pumped up by reminding him that they’re heroes now. “don’t let your guard down, Deku!”

and now back to this hilariously terrible situation that Deku has somehow found himself in through sheer bad luck

maybe that’s his actual quirk. a quirk that charges up numerous small instances of terrible luck and then unleashes them as sudden Good Luck Energy. does that make sense. so much bad shit happens to him, but then he also has the absolute best luck at the most critical times. shit, this started as a joke but now I’ve half convinced myself into making it headcanon. goddamn

anyways

looooool. shit. fuck. :’D haha this is the worst

he says she’s been horsing around “so she’s a bit scraped up.” hahahahhaha oh my god Overhaul heyyyyy fuck you?!

(ETA: unbelievably, this sentiment will only keep growing stronger and stronger. it is rather impressive how he keeps reaching new depths of terrible)

Deku can’t control his face at all. he looks openly horrified. if anyone ever sat down to play cards with this kid they’d fucking clean him out

holy shit Mirio is SO FUCKING SMOOTH oh my god

Mirio I’m stanning you and your quick-thinking, cool-under-pressure heroic phasing ass, goddammit

Deku’s looking at Mirio in surprise and wondering what he’s talking about. oh my god, you’re supposed to be smart

and now Mirio’s apologizing to Overhaul

and now Deku belatedly realizes that his facial expression was giving away the whole fucking game and that’s why Mirio flipped his mask up to hide it

now Deku’s actually putting on the rest of his mask oh my god. how weird

meanwhile Mirio’s amiably complimenting Overhaul on his own “kickass mask”

Overhaul is amiably replying that he’s just sensitive to germs

I’m sure it won’t be the last time :’D

Mirio replies that they’re still new and so they’re “nervous”

he’s trying so hard to cover for Deku’s slip-up. I’m sure Overhaul can see through it in an instant, but you still have to hand it to him, it’s one hell of an effort

Overhaul’s asking what office they’re with. lol put them on the spot

Mirio says they’re still students and they’re not with any agencies yet and are just on patrol for some field training experience

he’s very deliberately avoiding any mention of Nighteye, and he’s trying to get Deku to leave with him as soon as possible

so he’s telling Deku it’s time to go finish their patrol. but here’s the problem, though

like. what the fuck. you can’t just fucking abandon this little girl who’s showing clear signs of abuse, and leave her with this guy who you know is a fucking villain

and she knows they’re heroes too, she knows this is her chance

so now. here’s a test for you guys. can you take her with you without openly letting on that you’re investigating Overhaul

I think the only way they can do it is if Eri gives them reason to step in, but I’m worried she might be too scared

oh by the way, I know absolutely nothing about Eri and she’s been in the manga for less than one full chapter, but I’ve already adopted her and would die for her you guys. so Deku, don’t you dare leave her or I won’t fucking forgive your ass. All Might wouldn’t leave her!

so now Deku’s politely pointing out that Overhaul’s “daughter” is scared as fuck

Overhaul smoothly replies that it’s because he just scolded her. fuckkkk

Mirio’s trying to telepathically communicate to Deku that he can’t show too much suspicion, and he’s again telling Deku “let’s go”

okay, Deku has clearly already decided to save Eri no matter what, so that’s good

he’s pointing out that the bandages are a little extreme for “just horsing around”

Overhaul says she falls down a lot. fucking...

Deku continues to argue that she seems unnaturally traumatized. that’s right, Deku. if he can make a plausible argument for there being good enough cause to save Eri here, he just might be able to get away with it

problem is, I don’t think Overhaul will let it happen. he’s still playing “nice”, but if push comes to shove I think he will shift from “polite citizen” to “rude uncooperative citizen” and he’ll still be able to get away with it without giving up his civilian cover

Deku would save Eri anyway though. we’ve already seen that he will say “fuck you” to the rules if he believes it’s necessary. even if it screws up the investigation

and then there’s the matter of “what does Overhaul want with this girl anyway, and what lengths will he to go to keep her?” I assume she must have a really useful quirk. I don’t think she’s his actual daughter, no way. kidnapped seems more likely. or something along those lines. this guy is an underworld crime lord after all

so as expected, Overhaul has stopped cooperating, and now he’s basically implying that this is none of Deku’s business

yet again Mirio is trying to push Deku to drop it, and he’s worried about them blowing the investigation

so far this is the only thing Mirio’s done that I disapprove of. sorry Mirio. you’re still a beautiful cinnamon roll

(ETA: Mirio I totally forgive you and I’m sorry for ever doubting you. you beat yourself up so much over this afterward and you were so hard on yourself and you pushed yourself to your limits and beyond to make up for it and you didn’t have to, it wasn’t your fault. you’re so good and brave. aghhh I’m still so upset about this)

but Deku thinks it’d be even more out of character and suspicious to leave at this point

point: Deku

oh shit, even Overhaul’s acknowledging this, and now he’s changing up his strategy

he’s shrugging and says he understands their concern

and holy shit now he’s inviting them to follow him into this dark alley

loooool follow him into the alley if you want to be spontaneously combusted, kids

oh my god they’re actually gonna do it. “it’s not like we can just make off with her”

sure, but you can argue that you want to continue this discussion over at the police precinct just to be safe. or in literally any private place that isn’t a dark alley where no one will hear you explode. or, and here’s a crazy thought, you could just tell him “no thank you sir, I think we can talk about it right here”, and to hell with whether or not he’s “embarrassed”

but nooo, they’re following him in there. sigh

Overhaul says Eri does nothing but rebel and that he’s ~worried~ about her

:’D cry me a riverrrr

so naturally Deku suspects abuse

but now he finally does have his poker face on -- he always did have that delayed reaction time, didn’t he -- and he’s playing along and says “that sounds rough”

Overhaul’s all “kids are hard to understand”

and now he appears to be moving to take off his gloves

heh. this isn’t good huh

well, you guys wanted to get proof of Overhaul doing something villainous, though...

I don’t suppose Mirio has like a panic button he can push to alert Nighteye in situations like these without letting on that he’s called for backup? that seems like something these guys should have

anyway so now everyone’s on alert because they all know shit is about to go down

oh shit

ERI NO

Overhaul, absolute bastard that he is, is asking Eri if she’s done with her “little tantrum”

and she’s nodding. fuuuuuuck

now Overhaul’s apologizing for bothering them, bidding them farewell, and HE’S LEAVING WITH THAT SWEET, SCARED LITTLE GIRL OH MY GOD

this is so upsetting?! I’m so fucking upset right now???

Deku wants to go after them, but Mirio’s holding him back again, and now I’m back to siding with him

he says that if they push it they’ll just make it harder to catch him later on

and he’s right. but this is still fucking devastating. and Deku looks just as upset as I feel

jesus christ look what he fucking did to the guy who was supposed to be watching her

JESUS CHRIST

and that happened because Eri tried to run. he doesn’t even have to hurt her to keep her in line; all it’ll take is threatening to hurt other people, because she knows he’ll follow through

fucking shit, I don’t like this! you guys this dude is SO FUCKING EVIL holy shit. he makes Tomura look like a kid playing cops and robbers

ughhh Eri’s trying to shut it out and I can’t I need someone to rescue her like fucking yesterday my dudes

Overhaul is telling Eri she needs to “stop being selfish”

whaaaaaat the fuck

what the fucking fuck you guys

okay so we’ve got a fucking torture chair or whatever, and it’s hooked up to at least two big stasis-chamber-looking things. and there’s all this medical equipment all around. what the hell, what is going on

this guy was not fucking kidding when he said he had a real, actual villain plan and not just vague All Might-crushing ambitions like Tomura. I have no idea what this guy is planning, but damn does it look legit

AND SPEAKING OF TOMURA

FUCK ME, IF THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS GETS INVOLVED IN THIS TOO THE HEROES MIGHT JUST BE SCREWED

(ETA: ooooooor, it might just ironically be the thing that gets them unscrewed. definitely wasn’t expecting that. although I’m still not quite done with the arc yet so we’ll see)

oh my god. fucking bad guys. I’m gonna chill to Overhaul’s trap beat theme again for a little bit

 BONUS:

good for him, now we know it works. he can take it off again now lol

#bnha #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #toogata mirio #eri (bnha) #overhaul (bnha) #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #one thing I do like about the revised hood design is that his hair is sticking out all wildly in the back #he looked SUPER weird all the way back in chapter 8 when he had it all tucked under the mask #he still looks super weird here but it's not quite as bad #there's a bit less second-hand embarrassment #oh deku

[naaluna-blog]

Call out Culture

So I have been watching a lot of interesting social things happen the past few years. Specifically people going out of their way to destroy others just because they can. Interestingly enough I found an article online from an Opinion Columnist named David Brooks. It is on the nytimes website. I’m going to copy and paste it to share with the community. I think it’s an interesting read and that it brings some things into perspective. Everybody at some point has done something shitty in their youth or had a rough time in their life where they were socially not a good person. My stance is that depending on the situation and what a person has done with their life people should just let the past be the past. Don’t try and destroy someone because it gives you some kind of validation or it makes you feel good. Calling someone out should be something you do only if the person is a threat to others or to a community at large. There was recently a call out on someone here on tumblr that I wholeheartedly agree with. But then there are call outs on someone for their mental illness utterly ruling them as a person for a while. Yeah, they were a shitty person. Yeah, they may have done or said some things that were pretty terrible. But if they went and got help, went to intentionally improve their lives after they realized what they were doing to not only themselves but those around them, what right do people have to try destroying them for something that happened three/four/five years ago?  That type of call out culture is toxic and just vicious zealotry. By doing that you are invalidating everything that person may have done to try and better themselves. You are telling them that all that hard work to better their mental state and their lives does not matter. That thing they did when their mental illness ruled them forever brands them as a terrible, shitty person for the rest of their life. Take a moment and step back to examine that. Realize how terribly shitty of a person someone has to be to totally invalidate the rest of someones life like that just because they *can*.  Anyway..that’s the end of my rant. Here is the article. 

_________________________________________________________ A number of months ago, I listened to a podcast that has haunted me since — because it captures something essential about our culture warrior moment. It was from NPR’s always excellent “Invisibilia” series and it was about a woman named Emily.Emily was a member of the hard-core punk music scene in Richmond, Va. One day, when she was nearly 30, she was in a van with her best friend, who was part of a prominent band. They were heading to a gig in Florida when the venue called to cancel their appearance. A woman had accused Emily’s best friend of sending her an unwelcome sexually explicit photograph. His bandmates immediately dismissed her allegations. But inwardly Emily seethed. Upon returning to Richmond, she wrote a Facebook post denouncing her best friend as an abuser. “I disown everything he has done. I do not think it’s O.K. … I believe women.”The post worked. He ended up leaving the band and disappeared from the punk scene. Emily heard rumors that he’d been fired from his job, kicked out of his apartment, had moved to a new city and was not doing well. Emily never spoke with him again.Meanwhile, she was fronting her own band. But in October 2016, she, too, got called out. In high school, roughly a decade before, someone had posted a nude photo of a female student. Emily replied with an emoji making fun of the girl. This was part of a wider pattern of her high school cyberbullying.A post denouncing Emily also went viral. She, too, was the object of nationwide group hate. She was banned from the punk scene. She didn’t leave the house for what felt like months. Her friends dropped her. She was scared, traumatized and alone. She tried to vanish.“It’s entirely my life,” she told “Invisibilia" tearfully. “Like, this is everything to me. And it’s all just, like, done and over.”But she accepted the legitimacy of the call-out process. If she was called out it must mean she deserved to be rendered into a nonperson: “I don’t know what to think of myself other than, like, I am so sorry. And I do feel like a monster.” The guy who called out Emily is named Herbert. He told “Invisibilia” that calling her out gave him a rush of pleasure, like an orgasm. He was asked if he cared about the pain Emily endured. “No, I don’t care,” he replied. “I don’t care because it’s obviously something you deserve, and it’s something that’s been coming. … I literally do not care about what happens to you after the situation. I don’t care if she’s dead, alive, whatever.”Editors’ PicksEvery Building on Every Block: A Time Capsule of 1930s New York48 of the Coolest Kids in New YorkIn 12 Minutes, Everything Went WrongWhen the interviewer, Hanna Rosin, showed skepticism, he revealed that he, too, was a victim. His father beat him throughout his childhood.In this small story, we see something of the maladies that shape our brutal cultural moment. You see how zealotry is often fueled by people working out their psychological wounds. You see that when denunciation is done through social media, you can destroy people without even knowing them. There’s no personal connection that allows apology and forgiveness.You also see how once you adopt a binary tribal mentality — us/them, punk/non-punk, victim/abuser — you’ve immediately depersonalized everything. You’ve reduced complex human beings to simple good versus evil. You’ve eliminated any sense of proportion. Suddenly there’s no distinction between R. Kelly and a high school girl sending a mean emoji. The podcast gives a glimpse of how cycles of abuse get passed down, one to another. It shows what it’s like to live amid a terrifying call-out culture, a vengeful game of moral one-upsmanship in which social annihilation can come any second.I’m older, so all sorts of historical alarm bells were going off — the way students denounced and effectively murdered their elders for incorrect thought during Mao’s Cultural Revolution and in Stalin’s Russia.But the “Invisibilia" episode implicitly suggests that call-outs are how humanity moves forward. Society enforces norms by murdering the bullies who break them. When systems are broken, vigilante justice may be rough justice, but it gets the job done. Prominent anthropologist Richard Wrangham says this is the only way civilization advances that he’s witnessed.Really? Do we really think cycles of cruelty do more to advance civilization than cycles of wisdom and empathy? I’d say civilization moves forward when we embrace rule of law, not when we abandon it. I’d say we no longer gather in coliseums to watch people get eaten by lions because clergy members, philosophers and artists have made us less tolerant of cruelty, not more tolerant. The problem with the pseudo-realism of the call-out culture is that it is so naïve. Once you adopt binary thinking in which people are categorized as good or evil, once you give random people the power to destroy lives without any process, you have taken a step toward the Rwandan genocide. Even the quest for justice can turn into barbarism if it is not infused with a quality of mercy, an awareness of human frailty and a path to redemption. The crust of civilization is thinner than you think. ______________________________________________________________

#callout culture #toxic people #food for thought

[jsml-universe]

The Story of Xanxus

After re-watching episodes 64 and 65, my opinion of the Ninth has dropped. Significantly. Good job Timoteo. A+ parenting right there. I dislike you more than Iemitsu right now. I hope your recovery is long and hard. 

There are just some things that don’t quite add up in the Varia arc so I did some digging and paid closer attention to the in between pieces of dialogue throughout the anime and manga. After lots of pondering, I’ve decided that this is basically how the REAL story behind how the battle against the Varia came to be...

Xanxus is a young child. He was born in and grows up in one of the poorest slums in Italy. His primary caretaker and only family member is a single mother who is so mentally ill that she’s delusional. Literally. Sane people have difficulty in poverty enough as it is. Can you just imagine the kind of damage that background alone can have on a person’s psych?

Xanxus was born with the orb flame/flame of wrath, but he didn’t manifest it until he was an older kid. When he shows his mother, she’s convinced that she had a love affair with the boss of the Vongola and that Xanxus is their child. Like, WTF?! She renames her kid (because his first name might not have even been Xanxus with the whole ‘I named him Xanxus because the two X’s prove he’s meant to be Vongola Decimo’ logic) and then just gives him away to an old man, a stranger she claims is his father. 

Then what does Timoteo do? He lies. He backs the poor delusional woman’s logic up. Big Mistake #1. He tells Xanxus not only that he's his biological son but lets him think that he can one day succeed him as the Vongola boss. Where is the logic in that? Answer: It must have been for manipulative purposes because there is absolutely NO purely charitable reason why you must adopt a random child on the street that just happens to be endowed with a very powerful flame and fool him into believing a lie about his lineage so that he'll dedicate his life to Vongola. 

At this point, Timoteo could have rectified his mistake and taken Xanxus aside as soon as he’s adopted into the Vongola famiglia and explained the true situation to him. Sure, it would have hurt Xanxus a little but Xanxus is very mold-able and impressionable at this age. I can only assume that Xanxus must have been about 9 or 10 years old when he was adopted by the Ninth because Fuuta is also 9 and child Xanxus certainly didn't look younger than Fuuta. 

When telling Xanxus’ backstory, Squalo immediately jumps to Xanxus’ time growing up in Vongola and says that he took to the mafia like slipping a hand in a well-fit glove. He was selfish, ruthless, easily angered, and powerful. I’d say, that’s only logical. Growing up in extreme poverty means being in a constant ‘survival-mode’ and ‘got to take care of myself’ state of mind. Food, shelter, and safety means being creative and assertive. I think it’s safe to assume that Xanxus had little to no education while growing up. If he did receive any, it was definitely sub-par. He was thrust into a foreign culture and had to adapt quickly. He had to change the way he talked, his body language, learn social etiquette, master his flame powers. His mother is no longer mentioned so I assume that he never had contact with her again. Despite his willingness to leave his mother, I’d think that, that would also have some impact on his psych as well. A significant adult figure in his life had just left him. She was completely cut out of his life as quick as the snap of his fingers. With the additional lack of a biological father, I’d say that this qualifies Xanxus for psychological issues regarding child abandonment (which is defined by the loss of one or more parent). 

Problems that arise from kids who’ve experienced this include:

-low self-esteem

-anxiety and/or anger management issues

-problems regarding attachment...either difficulties forming attachment, or over attaching oneself with fear of being abandoned again

Now, on first glance, Xanxus doesn’t appear to exhibit any of these symptoms with exception to the anger problems. I respectfully disagree.

Xanxus fully embraced his adopted family. He’s busied himself with making himself useful and important in the family. He quickly established his place in the mafia and made every point he could to loudly declare that he was the Ninth’s son, as if needing to constantly reaffirm to everyone and also to himself that he belongs. 

He has approximately 7 years to not only catch up but surpass his brothers and peers in education, fighting skills, and leadership skills. That kind of jump only happens through diligence and hard work, no matter how much talent one has. And speaking of talent, Xanxus is a genius. He really puts all of his skills, talents, and energy into helping the famiglia who raised him and saved him from the "trash" of society. Xanxus was raised, having an unhealthy and incomplete understanding of people’s “worth.” His idea is that a person is “worth” more based on social status and achievement. Being the “bastard son of the Ninth” was okay for him because he worked to prove himself as the best of the best and he believed he had the right to the “throne of Vongola” so to speak. 

So, now we’ve got a checklist:

-Grew up in slums

-Raised in the mafia...the world of crime...and participates in the darker side of it too (ex: assassinations)

-No trustworthy adults in life...absent biological father, crazy and unreliable mother, mafia boss adopted father who also happened to tell some pretty major lies

-Has abandonment issues

...Yeah, you can bet that Xanxus has serious difficulty in trust and dealing with betrayal. So when he finds out that the truth, how does he react?

Exactly as expected. Everything has crumbled. His entire worldview shattered. He believes he’s worth nothing, that he’s back to being trash again. And his “father.” whom he trusted, lied about his identity, past, and future plans.

Xanxus's anger here is completely understandable. Now a coup? Going a bit overboard for most normal people. The Vongola and especially Xanxus are NOT normal people. If you look at it from the perspective of a 16-year-old teen with a rough past and massive anger management and fear of abandonment issues who's just been betrayed by his "father" and lied to about his place in the mafia family who raised him...yeah. Coup doesn't sound so far fetched after all.

Then when he finally confronts the Ninth face to face, his so-called father tells him that he's going to kill him for his rebellion. Xanxus’ isn’t surprised, angry, or dismayed by that statement at all. Timoteo has just validated how Xanxus perceives the Ninth views him: not as a real son but as a tool to be used and manipulated because he has a powerful flame and then disposed of when the cost of keeping him around is too high.  Then the Ninth freezes him in ice for 8 years. Timoteo likes to tell everyone that Xanxus was just "asleep" for eight years. Are you kidding me?! Your "sleeping" technique damaged your adopted son so much it left permanent scars covering his entire body. You think that didn't hurt like hell? Tsuna encased him in ice for only a few minutes and when the ice melted, Xanxus collapsed to the ground. His strength was so gone that his Varia guardians had to physically put the ring on his finger. All this after only a few minutes in that Zero Point Breakthrough technique and this hasn't even touched on the psychological damage that Xanxus has been through. I’m pretty sure that  seeing Tsuna's Zero Point Breakthrough technique, so soon after he was JUST freed, was really traumatizing for Xanxus. It was the technique that got him infuriated and lashing out at the teen when both were already exhausted from fighting.

Think the story can’t get much worse? Think again. After 8 years of being frozen and locked away in the dark basement, the ice is melted and Xanxus is released. There’s ongoing debate between fans about Xanxus’ age. Was he 16 or 24 when he was frozen? I’m going with 16. Yes, I know that Squalo says that he “grew into adulthood” but this is the same story where Tsuna and his guardians call a 15-year-old Lambo, Adult Lambo, too. The term “adult” is rather loosely applied in the KHR universe.

Moving on! This is the part where I got ticked off because I made some additional connections. Mammon says there were 7 dark spots in a circle and that he/she had no idea who actually released Xanxus. The first time watching this series through, I wasn't really paying attention and thought that the Varia members had stolen the rings and freed their boss. Turns out that's not the case. It's even worse. It's never explicitly revealed in the anime and manga who released Xanxus but my bet is that it was the Ninth. As the current boss of the Vongola, it's only safe to assume that he and his guardians inherited the complete Vongola rings from their predecessors and therefore he'd still have the full set. Plus, he knows all about the Zero Point Breakthrough technique so it's also safe to assume that he's the only one who knows how to counter it. So now we have the Ninth melting the ice after nearly a decade and what do you know? He tells Xanxus that he needs to do something to redeem himself. He needs to reunite with his Varia officers and go to Japan to challenge the REAL Decimo canidate. They can't kill them and they can't be too harsh on them because otherwise the battles will end before they can get to the Sky ring battle, which is the most important one that MUST happen for it all to work. Come on, you don't really think that the Varia DIDN'T hold back on their strength when fighting some talented but newbie civilian teenagers? Xanxus, probably still mentally a teenager, having been freed from an ice prison, and desperate at a chance for one last shot to become Decimo, accepts the deal. Unbeknownst to Xanxus, there was never a chance for him. Timoteo sets this whole rings battle up knowing exactly how it's going to end. He knowingly created the battles knowing that the outcome would be his adopted son, collapsed on the ground with more scars and spewing blood from his mouth and nose whilst Tsuna and the rest of his guardians would be exhausted and on the brink of death. After the battle and it's clear that Xanxus has no chance at being Vongola Decimo because the ring rejects him, he gives up the rights and the Cervello have a private conversation with Xanxus lying on the ground in defeat. The Cervello the sole supervisors of the entire battles...from an Agency which serves only directly under the Ninth! It's a really brief scene but this interaction with the Cervello had always puzzled me previously. With the light that the Ninth is the one who freed Xanxus and set up this whole Varia battle fight to manipulate Xanxus into thinking he might still have one last chance at leadership and creating a driving force to make Tsuna to accept his role as the future Decimo, this makes so much more sense: Xanxus: It's...gone...according to...your wishes...you were...right...are you...happy now? Cervello: You say that, but...we do not have wishes nor do we predict anything. Everything was already decided. Your role in this is over. Xanxus: ... ...that cunning old man... Cervello: Thank you for doing your part. With this, the ring contest battle has now ended. And to think that the Ninth had the gall to play the victim here. And you know what's sad? He does actually see himself as the one who is burdened with heavy choices that must be made for the "good of the family." Timoteo, I hate your guts, you manipulative old coot. Go retire already!

#xanxus #character analysis #behind the cradle affair #khr #katekyo hitman reborn #timoteo #cervello #zero point breakthrough: first edition #psychology #the real story

[time-2-vent]

So. This is a master post about my grandma. Some of this has already been talked about here but I posted this on my private fb and wanted to keep it here too.

.

Okay.. so. This is gonna be a long and detailed one.

Ive never had a space where I could vent about my grandma to more than just people close to me without being blamed or her finding out. The only family I have on here is my mom and im hiding this post from her for various reasons. I understand if many of you can't read all the way through this because its gonna be a lot. I just want the people around me to have a better grasp on exactly why im so depressed.

Before I start im gonna add a trigger list because there is a LOT and im probably going to be very emotional typing this. A lot of it ive never spoken about publicly.

So for a list of TW:

Emotional, physical, sexual, and animal abuse, r*pe, p*dophelia, racism, su*cide, hospitals, ableism, be******ty mention, fatshaming, weight mention, f slur.

.

.

.

.

Okay. Im going to start at when I moved in with her. She tricked my mother into signing over custody of me when I was 10. When I was 9 years old I was forced into a mental hospital after being heavily overdosed on medications meant for adults to the point I was "sitting upside down in my chairs unresponsive and talking about tranquilizers" which i have no memory of. The hospital was probably the worst experience in my entire life and I was almost murdered by one of the older kids. After getting out of there I moved in with my grandma.

Throughout my life shes said and done so many horrible things to me. She would always yell and scream about the smallest mistakes. She used to pick me up by my hair. She was just fucking horrible to me.

Around the age of 10-11 when I started going through puberty she would always make fun of the way my genitals looked. She would ask me to stretch my labia out and move it around. Specifically she would ask me to "show me your bat wings". It was fucking disgusting but as a child I thought it was just haha funny joke.

For a while I thought I just imagined that until my mom brought it up to me and how she CAUGHT HER saying that to me multiple times. So I had confirmation that I wasn't just imagining it. I once confronted her about it and she immediately started crying (ive only seen her cry 3 times in my entire life) and told me if I ever said that again she would tell everyone in my family that I was a "prostitute" and would make everyone in my family hate me, and that it was my mother who did that to me.

My mom lived with me and my grandma for a few years but eventually moved out on her own because she couldn't handle my grandmas abuse.

My grandma dated my moms r*pist, which was my moms uncle, and told my mom she never got r*ped, and said my mom only fucked him for "attention and cigarettes". My mom was 12 at the time.

My grandma told me at 15 that the "only reason you think you're trans is because you got diddled as a kid"

My grandma called me a whore when I started becoming sexually active despite her having her first child at 16.

She once told me I was "just like my father" who is a sex offender and abused me as a child. I was also forced to give my at-the-time step brothers head when I was 3-5 and was taught that it was okay.

My grandma has called me every possible name in the book. Anytime she does something wrong its automatically my fault. She told me she would believe that im trans when I showed her my dick (at 16).

Shes incredibly rude and racist, says she hates how she can't understand Asian people. She's said the n word. She's made so many "jokes" about how "aggressive" Black people are. When my cousin found out he had Black in him she said, and I quote, "I always knew he had a n***r ass" which fucking disgusted me. Shes scoffed at my mother for limping. She scoffs at anyone disabled. Always says "you wouldn't catch me looking like that in public." She would tell my mom she was faking her pain. And coincidentally of all 4 of her kids, one was born with physical deformities. she says thats not the reason why, but she gave her up for adoption. She yells at anyone standing in her way who isn't aware. She is incredibly rude when she speaks to people to the point its embarrassing.

When I hung myself earlier this year and a friend came to pick me up she was yelling at me like "Oh so you went and tattled on me didnt you? Did you say oh boo hoo shes so abusiveeee!!" As I had literally just laid passed out in the snow from hanging myself.

When she found out I hung myself she bitched about how I had her snow boots and how she would have had to climb up the hill to find my fucking body as if it were a chore. She asked me if I wanted to be cremated out of nowhere and when I said no she replied "good I didn't want to have to pick your piercings out of your dead body" when I told her she made me want to kill myself she laughed at me and said "well then you'll never survive" my first suicide attempt was at 12 years old. A few weeks ago I started carving at my throat in front of her because im so desperate for her to LISTEN to me for 5 FUCKING SECONDS. I have legitimately cried on my knees and begged her to treat me like a person time and time again. She laughs at me and turns it around to my issues. She guilt trips me and makes me think everything is my fault. She calls me disgusting for having 1 or 2 shirts on the floor. She told me to MY FACE she will never see me as trans. Misgenders me, misgenders my friends. I jokingly told her one of my cis friends was trans, and when she left she asked me "does he really have a penis?" ABOUT A WHOLE ASS CIS WOMAN. She told me she ran over and killed a dog with a broken leg to "put it out of its misery" she would always use glue traps and I told her not to tell me about it so she waits until were in public and says "yknow whenever I catch a live mouse on one of the traps I throw it into a plastic bag and then go do the litter box to suffocate it". Shes threatened to make me pay the hospital bill when I called 911 because she was unconscious. She says horrible things to me EVERY FUCKIJG DAY. She's always making everying my fault all the time and sits and smiles while I'm sobbing and pouring my heart out because im tired of the abuse. Im so fucking tired. It goes on and on and on every day of my life. I literally slit my throat in front of her and she only stopped being mean for about a week. Im so depressed and mentally ill and this is beating on me every moment of my fucking life.

In not done but im shaking and need to stop typing for now

Edit: some other notable things, when my grandpa disowned me and stopped speaking to me for over a year she told me it was probably because of how disgusting I was. And "nobody wants to be around that".

She will ask me specific random questions about specific friends and if I dont know the answer or I forgot, she goes on a tangent about how terrible of a friend I am.

When I was cutting her hair she kept telling me I was doing it wrong, so I did it her way and she hated it and told me she's glad I didn't pursue hair because im terrible at it.

When my cat was dying she originally refused to take him to the vet because he was "just gonna die anyways so I might as well let him", then gave up her cat to the vet because she was peeing but didn't wanna take responsibility for that so she lied to them and said she showed up at her door and didn't tell them her age or even her name and that was so fucking cruel.

When she starts laughing at me sometimes she'll talk to me in a whiny "baby voice" and be like awwww, waaa im so abusedddd *mocks me crying*.

And she always talks in a tone that sounds pissed off and seems confused when I feel like I'm being scolded.

She gets in my face and puts her finger in my face and backs me into corners sometimes and then when I smack her hand out of my face she says she'll put me in jail for abuse.

Oh yea and simetimes when she gets mad at me she'll be like "ok GIRL" in the middle of me talking. Like its annoying and uncalled for.

I cant believe I forgot this holy shit. Years ago (was a minor here as well) I was attacked by my neighbors dog and it knocked me down and when I got home my grandma was accusing me of be******ty and said she was "watching it fuck me" and I was so fucking disgusted and hurt.. I try to block that from my memory because it was my third dog attack and I was traumatized.

She also regularly calls her brother a F@ggot. He is the only lgbt family member (he's gay) that i have.

She regularly fatshames people while only a few feet from them. And will whisper to me about how disgusting they look.

She asks for all of my friends deadnames and gets mad when I dont answer.

"I can't be abusive because I give you a home. I could have let social services take you."

"I cant be racist because my ex husband is Black"

"You must be living in a fantasy world where you make up shit that ive done."

"Id be depressed if I stayed in bed all day too."

"I need to learn to have lower expectations for you."

"I'm starting to resent you. So ill be taking 200$ a month for rent." (She has stopped this thankfully)(edit #2, she started taking it again im gonna be here forever lmao)

When I was underweight she would say things like "you look like an aids patient." And "Are you trying to look like your mother?"

"You're a hoarder"

[fisherbodytalk]

What I do and why

My passion is working with families. From preconception and fertility challenges, through pregnancy, birth and beyond. Helping everyone to adapt and thrive throughout the changes and challenges. 

One of the most common question I get working in pre/post natal is how can I get more sleep! Sleep deprivation is torture.

 My role as Infant Sleep educator is helping parents be prepared with the science and the knowledge that babies don't sleep through the night, understanding why that is and what that means in terms of their biology and development. Having this knowledge means parents won't feel like a failure when baby isn't fitting into the CRAZY unrealistic societal expectations that exist here. Babies wake up at night for good reasons. 

 As a Sleep Educator I see that unrealistic expectations and lack of flexibility is the  biggest cause of stress. Mindset is everything. Majority of babies won't sleep through the night consistently in the first year! Naturally-Out of desperation and no other alternatives tired parents turn to the sleep trainers. I'm here to let you know there is another option. Learning to fall asleep on your own is a developmental milestone, just like crawling or walking. Babies need to be parented to sleep. To be taught that sleep is a pleasant and safe place to be. Otherwise there will be long term issues with sleep. 

Forcing a baby to crawl or walk before they are ready would ultimately result in frustration and tears. It is the same with sleep. Babies will learn to fall asleep on their own when they are ready. Attachment and security is the key to a baby or toddler adapting to independent sleep. Mom's and babies are hardwired to be close together day and night. Which can get exhausting but there is plenty we can do to set the stage for your baby (and you) to get a good night's sleep. While still meeting our biological need to be close. Inutero your baby was held and rocked to sleep everytime. It will take time and developmental readiness before they are able to fall asleep without assistance, but again every baby is different.

Studies show that babies do not get more sleep by being sleep trained. Instead, baby ceases to cry, their needs go unchanged and they stay flooded in stress hormones. The trust that someone can fulfill those needs disappears. Both mother's and babies undergo massive stress. Depending on baby's temperament some easily adapt while others do not. The science is becoming very clear on the ill effects of stress on developing babies both physically and cognitively. When the brain is developing (85% of adult size in the first 3 years of life) persistent cortisol the stress hormone impairs the development of the neural networks suppressing growth, development,  the immune system, and can create an overactive adrenaline system leading to aggression, ADHD, autism, impulsivity etc. (Dr. Sears The baby sleep book pg 211+ Dr Gabor Mate videos on the effects of parental stress)

 This is Particularly damaging if children are left to cry without their needs being attended to. - these experiences lead to the brain being wired with programming like- I am not worth your time, my needs don’t matter, no point saying what i feel no one will listen! Hence my passion as an attachment based alternative to sleep training! If sleep training was a medicine it would be pulled from the shelves because the long term consequences far exceed the short term benefit. Scheduling feedings is also been linked to developmental delays and development of further  issues with breast feeding. The goal is to reduce the stress for your baby as much as possible to allow the brain and body to develop as optimally as possible. Reduce the stress by meeting the innate need of both you and baby to stay close- day and night. You are hardwired to stay close. Humans are particularly underdeveloped at birth compared to other mammals we need an extra 9 months of mimicking the womb environment which is best done with breastfeeding, baby wearing and bed sharing. **Bedsharing and baby wearing both have safety considerations to be done properly. Please seek out appropriate education on these! I educate on sleep safety and there are baby wearing educators available**

Now you may be feeling guilty that you have left a baby to cry it out. The good news is we can undo that stress, we can help the brain to correct it's wiring. We can shift those embedded belief systems. 

That's what BodyTalk is all about.

BodyTalk is a holistic health care system that works at the level of the subconscious to get to the root of the problem so your own innate ability to heal, de-stress and communicate can work optimally. BodyTalk is known first and foremost as a method of stress reduction. Stress creates miscommunication through the body-mind complex resulting in disease, pain, depression, anxiety, allergies, limiting beliefs, subconscious barriers to success and happiness.. 

BodyTalk can address any issue by asking yes/no questions to the subconscious to find out the root cause. Once you recognize that you have a problem and what it is you own innate ability to heal goes to work to fix the issue. We are designed to heal but sometimes we need a little help. Every symptom we have is our body trying to communicate with us. 

Chronic pain, depression, anxiety is telling us the way we are going or operating in life isn't working for you. Our body holds onto experiences until you go back to address them and release them. As a BodyTalker I'm essentially a translator between you and your symptoms. Letting your body talk. BodyTalk is  easy, safe and non invasive but very weird. You just have to experience it to understand. 

Whenever we have an experience first thing our subconscious does is goes into our past experiences and asks have we been here before do we know how to react to this situation? We then get triggered or irrationality upset or our body becomes defensive resulting in an intolerance or allergy, or stores it as a restriction in mobility or communication..   we carry on the past and mirror those habits and mindsets for our kids. 

The best gift we can give our children is our own happiness because they will mirror that. If we are stressed they feel it. If the stress is a distraction that takes away our ability to be focused and attached with them then we wire them to feel we are only worth their time when sick or in distress or behave badly.. conditioning them that to be sick or ill behaved is of benefit to them. Dr. Gabor Mate says all behaviour problems are attachment problems. I've seen that dynamic shift as I repair my attachment relationship with my 7 year old and our behavior problems have melted away. Which I was only able to do by addressing my own issues in relating to others and how emotional shut down I was.

I continue to do extensive work through my issues that impair my ability to have a strong relationships so that I can help my kids. And myself to be happy. 

A huge benefit of regular treatments throughout the pre/post natal days and preconception is we can work to disconnect from your past traumas, patterns and limitations.  We want to parent better than we were parented but we can only do what we know and what our parents mirrored for us. We carry on the patterns of our parents until we do the work to break them. Our issues of self esteem, confidence, emotional competency, unhealthy relationship patterns.  whatever issues we each carry are mirrored by our children.

BodyTalk is quantum healing but also therapy bringing up the root causes of why we feel unloveable or chronically angry- releasing whatever walls we built-up around ourselves. BodyTalk can help you to break them down so that you don’t pass those habits and patterns on to your children.. disconnecting from the generational traumas and patterns.

  I love working with in-utero babies. They are affected by both maternal and paternal stress plus they have their own fears and anxieties,  most often surrounding birth and the transition to life on the outside. If they are fearful of entering the world babies tend to stay in nonoptimal positions or be overdue in resistance. Through bodytalk I can work with babies and mothers to release the fear and help them be ready to enter the world as unravel the fears, negative belief systems and even physical discomfort of pregnancy. BodyTalk births tend to be shorter and easier and tend to slide towards the ecstatic or even orgasmic side of the spectrum. Calm, ready moms and babies in sync with each other. I love working with the dyad throughout the pregnancy  so ensure both stress free as possible.Particularly if you had an unpleasant experience with your first birth, or a pregnancy loss. A need to disconnect and not bring those experiences into the new birth with you- or if YOUR birth into the world was traumatic it needs to be addressed. Both mom and baby fear free, ready and excited to transition into the next stage together. Means faster easier births. Overdue, fetal positioning BT can help.

BodyTalk in-utero has been able to recognize early defects and help the tiny body to work more effectively at healing that issue. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually- bodytalk can help you to heal. I often see fetal fears of not being excepted if a parent or even a sibling is really wanting a specific gender. Or if your initial thoughts were you didn't want the pregnancy..   my issues in feeling I never should of existed. Adoption, the fact someone gave you away immensely affects self worth. Babies are responsive to BodyTalk as they don't have all the layers of issue adults have to work through. 

Any age any issue. BodyTalk can help. 

#BodyTalk #prenancy #sleep training #self healing #self help #babies