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#ill go out with my coworkers and say Nothing for Hours

valeskafics · 3 months

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"Inventory" - Mike Schmidt x Reader

a/n: request from @zukuphilia hope you enjoy it, love! 🩷

Summary: Getting stuck in the supply closet at Freddy's may not have been as horrible as you thought.

Word Count: 1,255

Rating: 18+, MDNI

TW: afab reader, she/her pronouns, profanity, innuendo, jealousy, close proximity, dry humping, clit play, p in v sex, unprotected sex

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Five Nights At Freddy's characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

Comments, likes, and reblogs are never required but are immensely appreciated 🩷

You’ve always gotten along fairly well with Mike. Both of you find it quite ridiculous that an abandoned pizza place and arcade needs two night guards, but the pay is decent enough and the hours work for both of your schedules. You don’t know Mike particularly well, only that he’s having issues taking care of his little sister and really needs this job. But, he’s nice to you, sweet really, and you return that, though you don’t know you’d go so far as to consider him a friend. Maybe an acquaintance, but nothing more than that.

Which is why you casually mention to him that someone will be covering your shift tomorrow because you have a date. Mike’s always been a bit broody and miserable, but the harsh scoff that escapes his lips surprises you. You try to ignore it, suggesting the two of you go ahead and lock up. He nods, his expression blank as he follows you, turning off the lights as needed. There’s a tension between you that’s never been there before, at least on your part. You can feel his eyes on you, watching you intently with every step you take.

You’d be an idiot to say you aren’t at all attracted to your handsome coworker. And you’re not an idiot. Mike is gorgeous. But you know there are certain rules that prevent employees at Freddy’s from dating each other. It’s antiquated and archaic, but rules are rules. You hum to yourself, questioning if he’s taking Abby to see the new Disney movie that’s come out. He shakes his head silently as the two of you head toward the supply closet.

He’s even quieter than usual, which leads to you rambling incessantly, a nervous habit, “I have two tickets I’m not gonna use. My little brother has a soccer game and I don’t feel like seeing it without him. You guys can take them.”

Mike’s brow furrows as he looks up at you, “I… That’s really generous. Are you sure?”

You nod, smiling at him kindly, “Of course! They’re just gonna go to waste. Tommy’s not gonna be back from his game till late.”

“Okay,” Mike smiles back awkwardly, “Thank you.”

“Of course! I’ll bring the tickets to work Friday,” you say as you struggle to get the door to the supply closet open, “Ugh, the stupid thing is stuck again!”

Mike shifts closer to you, the muscles of his forearm flexing as he tugs at the door, grunting and managing to pry it open. He seems like he’s struggling with himself about something when he turns to face you, parting his lips to speak but then saying nothing at all. He moves to the side, allowing you to step inside first.

“I loosened it up for you,” you grin wryly.

Mike scoffs, rolling his eyes as he teases, “Right.”

He leans back against the door, holding it open while you quickly take inventory. You move as fast as you can, considering the two of you always feel ill at ease here - your first night, you were locked in for an hour before Mike realized and came to let you out. The door locks from the outside, so you always go in two’s now, one of you holding the door open while the other takes inventory.

Or, at least, that’s how it’s supposed to be. You hear the door slam shut and hear Mike stumble forward, grabbing your shoulder to balance himself. You meet his gaze, the two of you freezing in shock.

“Did the door just…”

“It felt like something pushed me,” Mike murmurs, taking a step closer to you, “But the thing is, I don’t really mind.”

You pull your phone out of your pocket, ignorant to the look in Mike’s eyes as he stares at you, “No signal. Guess we’re stuck in here till the shift change.”

“Guess so,” Mike replies, tilting your chin up to face him, surprising you at the action. He stares intently at your lips, tracing the lower one with his thumb, his own a hair’s breadth from yours, “You’re a tease, you know that?”

You gaze up at him, the heat between the two of you palpable as you whisper back, “Am I?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t mean to be.” You gasp as he pushes you up against the wall, his arms on either side of you, caging you in, “Mike?”

“I can’t…”

He trails off, shaking his head before his mouth descends on your own in a hungry, all-consuming kiss. You’re surprised at first, frozen in place, but when you feel him squeezing at your ass, grinding himself up against you, you begin to kiss him back, parting your lips to move your tongue against his own, moaning softly. You feel Mike’s bulge rubbing against you over the flimsy cotton fabric of your panties, and fuck, he’s so damn big, it’s obvious even through his pants as he grinds himself against you. You cling to him, rolling your hips against his, while Mike moves his lips to your neck, biting down on your sensitive skin. You whimper against his touch, chasing your peak, feeling him snake his hand beneath your skirt and pinching at your clit, making you whine out his name pathetically. Mike rubs at the sensitive nub as you continue rutting against him, stopping just short of letting you come.

You stare at him, shocked and somewhat hurt in truth, having been so close to reaching your climax, but you realize quickly that he wants you to reach it around his cock as he unbuttons his jeans just enough to free his length, stroking it once, running his thumb along the tip. Your mouth waters at the sight of it. He’s easily the biggest you’ve ever seen and the thought of him being inside you sends another rush of arousal through you. He wavers in his newfound confidence only for a moment, murmuring to you that he doesn’t have a condom.

Your hand moves to his cock, palming at it as you whisper, “I don’t care.”

You help guide his cock inside you, your head falling back against the wall behind you as he holds you in place, the sound of his hips slapping against yours filling the room. You can hardly think, let alone speak as you gaze into those hazel eyes of his, nearly blown black with lust. Mike’s lips are curled into something akin to a snarl as he slams his fat cock into you over and over, your body shaking from the intensity, feeling like he could just about split you in two. You stare up at him, surprised, when he grips your jaw, spitting onto your tongue. You’ve never felt so filthy as you do right now, but you’ve never been this aroused either as Mike continues fucking you, the tip of his length rubbing against that spot deep inside you that has your toes curling, your lips parting in a near scream of his name.

You squeeze around him tight, your fingers moving to toy with your clit, your climax hitting you hard as you slump against him, white hot pleasure coursing through your entire body. Mike pulls out of you, frantically tugging at his cock until he spills himself on his hand, the two of you breathing heavily and gazing at each other before locking lips again.

It would seem that you’re not going on that date tomorrow after all. And things are about to get way more complicated between you and your coworker.

#mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt x you #mike schmidt smut #mike schmidt oneshot #mike schmidt #fnaf x reader #fnaf x you #my writing

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beary-rambles · 2 months

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Forgettable date

r.q: Can I request a sweet smut modern aemond x fem reader where they were both so busy that they forgot about valentines day so aemond surprises reader with a romantic dinner and they end up just skipping dinner for some steamy bedroom time and in the middle of it, aemond whispers to reader "you're mine" and that was his way of proposing to reader, thank youu

w.c: 1.1k

c.w: office worker!reader, fluff, sweet aemond, aemonds job is left ambiguous, smut, oral (f!receiving), p in v, not proofread.

masterlist - requests open

You were so swamped with work you had no concept of time, you were sure it was february as you had to pay your rent on the first of every month but if someone asked you what day it was you would have no clue. Same goes for your boyfriend of three years aemond, despite the fact the two of you dont work in the same field your schedules just so happen to both be so packed all the time.

as the rest of your coworkers began to pack up their stuff for the day you sat at your desk still fiverously typing away at your computer, you had a presentation in a couple days and report due tomorrow afternoon so you had decided to stay overtime.

some of your coworkers had come over to talk to you as they were wrapping up for today.

“you got any plans after work?”

“no.”

one of them gasps, “what do you mean? he didnt plan anything?”

you furrow your brows but dont turn to look at them, “what do you mean? he?”

“your boyfriend? or did you guys break up or something?” you turn to her at the mention of him and tilt your head, “why would he have planned something?”

one of them laughs while the one your looking at shakes her head and sighs, “do you really not know? its valentines day.”

“no…” you turn towards your computer, looking at the date and gasping, “oh my god. i had no idea.”

“did you guys not talk this morning?”

“we did but neither of us mentioned anything.”

“maybe hes planning on surprising you later.”

you groan and run your hands along your face. what if he was and you had nothing prepared? shit you didnt even have a gift for him.

your coworkers laugh and wish you good luck before they leave.

you have an internal debate before deciding to pull out your phone to text him.

‘aemond oh my god happy valentines day it completely slipped my mind im so sorry.’

you anxiously bite your nails as you wait for him to respond. youre tempted to lock your phone shut as you notice the three bubbles pop up.

‘oh is it valentines day? i had no idea. im so sorry baby ive been swamped with work happy valentines day my love. im about to get off for the day, ill see you once you get home. love you ❤️’

you let out a sigh of relief at him admitting that he had no clue either. most people would assume that he was just saying that to make you feel better but you knew aemond wasnt like that and he wouldn't hold it against you.

‘i cant wait to see you my love. im going to be staying for a bit longer to wrap up.’

You notice he reads the next then decide that you’ll pick up some baked goods on the way home as a gift and hope that you dont stay too long as you turn off your phone and get back to work.

an hour and a half later with a box of a variety of backed goods in hand turning the key to your shared apartment with aemond. youre immediately hit with the smell of your favor meal and a smile graces your face. he knows you love it when he cooks.

“im in the dining room my love.”

you walk in and you gasp at the sight of the set up table set with flowers and candles with your favorite meal plated out.

you feel hands wrap around your waist from behind you and a kiss placed on your cheek.

“aemond..”

“happy valentines day my love.”

he lets go and take the bag out of you hands, “you picked this up?”

“on my way home. grabbed your favorite.”

he hums and walks back over to you after he places the bag on the table.

he grabs your cheeks and gives you, “how was work?” he mumbles as he continues to kiss you, “it was good, report done,” you pause for a moment as he begins to kiss down your jaw and sigh, “presentation almost done.”

he begins to trail kisses down your neck, stopping to suck on it.

“you?”

he hums, “fine.”

hes not much of a talker, especially not when hes busy leaving hickeys over your next.

“aemond the food.”

“fuck the food. i have a meal right in front of me.”

you squeal as he lifts you up bridal style and carries you upstairs to you bedroom. “youre so ridiculous aemond.”

you yelp when he tosses you on the bed and makes his way on top of you, kissing you deeply.

he pulls away from you grabs his shirt from the back of his neck and rips it off before he goes back to kissing you.

you moan against his lips and he pulls away from you hand moving down to your waist to take off your pants, your underwear sliding along with them.

“aemond.” you whine as he begins to kiss down your stomach.

“let me take care of you tonight.”

he licks a strip up your slit and uses his hands to grip your waist and presses you down as he continues to lick at you. your heads reach down and grip at his hair pressing him closer. you can feel him laugh against you which leads you to moan out loud, “aemond.”

“let me take care of you.” he repeats and wraps his lips around your clit sucking on it leading you to throw your head back onto your pillow.

he doesn't let up even when he can tell youre close and youre begging him to slow down he keeps up his pace until hes finished licking up every drop of your cum after you had finished and kisses his way back up and smiles at you.

“happy?”

“ill be happy after you fuck me.”

“you're never sated my love.”

in a rush you both take off the rest of your clothes and he reaches over to grab a condom out your bedside table before you reach out and grab his wrist.

he looks over at you with a confused look, “if you dont want continue.”

“thats not it i just,, maybe we dont need it tonight.”

hes face turns smug as he grabs the hand you had wrapped around his wrist to kiss it.

“i love you.”

“i love you to-” youre interrupted by him pushing into you and you moan gripping onto his shoulders and bringing yourself into the crook of his neck.

“fuck you always feel so good my love.”

you cant respond as he begins to thrust into you. his hands lock with yours and his lips are right against your ear.

“youre mine.”

you moan, “say it.”

“im yours aemond im yours.”

you dont notice as he reaches over into the bedside table and grabs a tiny black box.

“then marry me.”

you feel like you're in a daze as he continues to thrust and shows you a stunning ring inside the box.

“what?”

“marry me.”

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lovedrruunk · 13 days

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It would be so cool if you could write a venture x reader where Y/N is too nervous to speak to Venture so Mercy wingmans for them‼️

‘The best wingwoman ! ଘ(˵╹ᴗ╹)━☆

Venture (Overwatch) x GN reader

Authors note!; super cute request!!! Did I tell u guys I'm a mercy main…. DISGUSTING I KNOW!! But I also main Ana so it cancels out… also tbh there’s a lot of requests that I haven’t gotten to *YET* simply bc idk how to go about them :( but this one came to me rlly easily !! Ty!!! also finished this whole thing while listening to phantom of the opera on repeat for 2 hours (i need 2 write a moira fic omg...) UPDATE: HELLO??? THE MERCY MYTHIC? okok ill stfu now sry!!

Earlier today, you were dragged to a work party by your colleague and guardian angel, Angela Ziegler. You begged her to let you stay home, but she refused, saying she wouldn't be able to go without you since you were the only coworker she actually enjoyed spending time with. And so, being the amazing friend you are, of course, you agreed to go to keep her company!... Just kidding!

Angela knew you too well. Once she mentioned that the cutie from the Wayfinder Society was attending, you did a complete 180, now asking her what you should wear. She couldn't help but laugh at your reaction, amused at how predictable you were when it came to romance.

Sloane Cameron, also known as Venture, also known as the cutie from the Wayfinder Society, had quickly captured your attention ever since you first met them a couple of months ago when the Wayfinder Society was adopted by Overwatch as a sub-branch. Being the head anthropologist for Overwatch led you to spending a good amount of time with Venture and their team. Granted, it was just work and sharing data and all that, but you couldn't help but find them super intriguing. They were funny, lively, and so passionate about their work! But as badly as you wanted to get to know them, you just couldn't. Their confidence was a blessing and a curse, being the cause of why you liked them and the cause of why you were so terrified of talking to them.

Every week or so, you and Angela meet up at the cafeteria at Overwatch's headquarters to catch up while drinking your morning coffee/tea/whatever, which you of course just use as time to gush about your overwhelming crush on your new coworker. But last week... last week, you had decided enough was enough. You made a promise to Angela that by next week, you would at least ask them if they'd want to hang out outside of work. Feeling pumped and confident, you had excitedly gotten all dolled up for the party.

And now, here you were. The party was in an old Victorian mansion with lots of expensive art and chandeliers, nothing less for Overwatch, of course. The first time you had attended a work party, you were extremely underdressed, assuming it was a casual get-together, not at all expecting it to be an elegant and serious "ball" like party. You cringed at the memory before Angela snapped you out of it, handing you a glass of champagne.

"So? Is today the day?" she questions as she leans against the back wall you had been standing next to.

"I don't know, Angela..." you whined as you not so discreetly stared at them from across the room.

It was the first time you had seen them in formal attire, and you couldn’t help but admire how they looked good in everything.

"Go ask them to dance!" She suggested happily.

"What!? No way! I can't dance, especially not with them!"

“Oh, don't give me that! The worst they could say is no."

"'No' is definitely not the worst they could say. They could say 'get away from me' or 'why are you talking to me about something other than rocks' or 'your foundation doesn't match your neck.. and no I would rather drop dead than dance with you'."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm serious!- Wait!! Did you see that? They smiled at the new rookie! What if they like her!? What if they came here together!? What if they're dating!? Married!!? Oh my god, and now they're chatting it up with Tiff from communications! They're laughing, what's so funny!?"

"You have got to be kidding me..."

"Right!? She's not even funnier than me..."

Catching you off guard, Angela grips your shoulders, forcing you to face her.

"Shut up," she says sternly, fighting off the urge to smack you in the face. "Just ask them. You'll never know until you do... And if you don't, I owe that infuriating geneticist twenty bucks..." She murmurs the last part to herself angrily.

"Y'know what? You're right!"

You quickly finish the glass of champagne, putting it on the table next to you. Feeling encouraged by your friend, you take a deep breath before marching towards Venture... right before turning your heel and marching straight back to Angela.

"I feel like I'm gonna throw up..."

"You haven't even said anything!!!"

After a bit of back and forth, Angela is fed up and tells you that if you weren't going to do anything about it, then she will.

As she makes her way towards Venture, you whisper yell at her, begging her to come back and let you give it another try. But knowing you, she decides to ignore your desperate pleas as she continues to happily strut towards them.

From the distance, you can't make out what they're talking about, and it's driving you nuts. Angela's back is facing you, but Venture's face lights up, so you decide to take that as a good sign. And just as you start to smile... Angela turns around and points at you.

You freeze in place for what felt like a year before your eyes focus again. Venture is grinning as they wave to you, and Angela uses her hand to call you over. You force a wide smile (not aware of how crazy you look) as you timidly walk up to the two of them.

"Y/N! I was just mentioning to our sweet Cameron over here how you love to dance! They've never been to a party like this, isn't that crazy!"

"Yeah!! Wayfinder never had the funding by itself to afford something like this! I've never really had a reason to learn how to dance, so I have no clue; was hoping you could teach me!?"

"Me? Oh, sorry! I don't know how to dance!"

"But... Dr. Ziegler just said.."

"I know! Poor little Angie... ever since her last birthday, her memory has been terrible!! Must've confused me with Lena!"

You could feel the death glare Angela was giving you, but you continued to smile innocently at them.

"Well... I guess this would be a good opportunity for us to learn, don't ‘cha think?" Of course. Of course, they would somehow find a solution to your excuse.

"Great idea!!" Angela claps her hands together happily. "Why don't you two head to the dance floor? You'll only learn from experience!"

"I agree!"

Before you can say anything, you're dragged by the hand of a very excited Venture, and although your palms are sweaty and your head is spinning, you can't help but feel so much excitement.

. . .

And so as the dancefloor clears and the two of you are making your way out to the gardens, you spot a grinning Angela and a scowling Moira putting away her wallet.

#venture overwatch #overwatch x reader #venture x reader #moira mention bc i love her #MERCY MYTHIC IS CRAZY #Moicy 4eva idc

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akayukihime · 1 year

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Bad Decisions (Pt. 1) - Brett Hand/Reader

A drug-enduced hookup is a scandal in and of itself, even at Cognito Inc. Despite being in the entire office’s hot seat, you’re horrified by something else entirely: your growing crush on Brett Hand.

Crossposted on AO3 @akayukihime

“I am this fucking close to putting in my two weeks,” Reagan blurted out as she and you walked into a conference room. She pinched her fingers together for emphasis. You didn’t utter a word in acknowledgment, but you agreed with her sentiment. The both of you stared ahead at the usual scene in front of you: everyone was plastered, even Brett. Myc let out a groan that you couldn’t find yourself to pity. It was always weird thinking about how a sentient hallucinogenic mushroom could get itself high. Ever since you started working at Cognito Inc., though, you were left with little to disbelieve.

“You’d think that a secret government agency would have more competent employees,” she grumbled, rubbing her temples erratically. That poor girl needs a vacation, you thought ruefully, nodding in agreement.

“Awe, I’m totally competent,” Brett whined, looking up at the two of you from where he was on the floor. You were surprised you didn’t see any lipstick smudged across his face or collar. Jealousy twinged in your gut as you remembered when he hooked up with Gigi, who was across the room and appeared to be struggling to type something on her phone.

“Right, (Name)?” Brett asked, looking into your eyes with a stare that left you a little flustered.

“I mean, yeah, sometimes,” you knew you would feel bad if you said no, but you tacked on the last bit so Reagan wouldn’t think ill of your reply.

“I don’t even know what to say, but I’m not surprised…” Reagan huffed. You shot her a worried look. The bags under her eyes were so dark that they resembled Halloween makeup. You didn’t want to think about the last time she slept—or showered. You subconsciously inched yourself out of the doorway and into the room.

“Ray, why don’t you just let me handle this?” You asked, trying to be helpful. To put it in Layman’s terms, you were the middle man between Reagan and Brett; you weren’t as uptight as the former, but not a hopeless himbo like the latter. You could be trusted with responsibilities, but didn’t take on an unhealthy amount like the somewhat-reclusive daughter of Rand Ridley. You were also able to let loose, which is what you would have preferred to do at the moment.

“Are you sure?” Reagan looked around the room again, her eyelid twitching. You nodded and her shoulders slacked.

“I would say go home, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you leave work before seven…” you trailed off, watching as Brett stretched out on the floor, noting his loose tie and unbuttoned jacket. You had seen him half-naked before, because he always managed to be lacking clothes at inappropriate times, but you found yourself staring at his exposed collarbone.

“Okay, (Name), see you.” Reagan looked at you with impossibly tired eyes and you smiled sympathetically, your eyes crinkling as you did so.

“I’ll see you ‘round, Ridley.”

You watched as she trailed off down the hallway and turned the corner almost hurriedly. You knew she was tired and you hoped she would doze off while working on something if it meant she could at least get a few hours of sleep.

Finally, you unceremoniously turned to your coworkers, not flinching at the fact that none of them were sober, and settled yourself on the floor. Just because you were making sure nothing bad happened didn’t mean you couldn’t join the fun, right?

“I’ll pass on any psychedelics, but if we’re just smoking weed, it’s a different story,” you looked at Andre, who grinned and passed you a small bong.

“Sweet,” you muttered, holding it up to your lips.

“Wow, you sure are great at ‘handling’ these work conflicts,” Myc commented, his voice slurred as he gestured toward you with one of his tentacle arms. You shrugged, taking your time with each hit. You exhaled slowly through your mouth, your throat tickling and urging out a cough.

Wherever Andre gets his weed from, you needed to know. On second thought, he probably grew it himself. Regardless, you weren’t paranoid or anxious whatsoever; you’d argue that you were at peace, even if you were on the floor, slumped over against a large table. If you were this zen every time you were high, maybe you’d be as dependent on drugs as the doctor. You shook the thought from your head, thankful for your ability to function sober in your daily life.

It wasn’t long until your peace of mind would be disturbed.

Brett had scooted over to your happy little corner, smiling widely. You looked over at him and met his eyes. Almost immediately, you looked away. You were acting almost as jittery as Reagan.

“Man, I haven’t been this high since my days in Pi Kappa Alpha. Oh, they had the best hazing rituals.” The brunet remarked, seeming to relish in the memory which most definitely happened differently than he chose to remember it. You nodded in lieu of poking fun at him.

“‘That so?” You asked, tilting your head and looking at him with lidded eyes.

“Yeah, those six hours were the most fun I’ve ever had. You see, it was…” Brett’s voice sounded more like white noise than an actual conversation you still had to engage in. You felt loose, hazy, like you could melt into the floor. You were enjoying yourself so much that you didn’t quite pay attention to what he was saying anymore. Your eyes trained on his lips and tongue as he spoke, trailing down to his ruffled shirt and loosened red tie. Sure, he was a distraction in your usual work environment, but this was bad. Unfortunately, your brain was too fried to realize how overt you were being.

You blinked yourself out of your reverie when you realized something: this was the perfect opportunity and the perfect excuse to get intimate with your coworker. The thought of fucking Brett made the back of your neck heat up, and your mind lingered on the idea for way too long. You were trying to imagine the details of his face and body in such an intimate and vulnerable situation, and you felt your face flush even more. Why are you so flustered? You reasoned with yourself that it was only because of how hot he is, nothing more.

Whatever, fuck it.

You shuffled over to Brett, straddling his lap and shoving one of your knees between his legs. Your hands came to his shoulders, flattening wrinkles on his crisp, white shirt. He had a nervous smile plastered across his face. He is so cute. You grinned playfully, leaning down and kissing up his jaw.

“Wanna go back to my office?” You watched him expectantly, biting your lip. You were a little nervous. It had to be the drugs, right?

“Yeah, sure.” Brett blinked, looking pleasantly surprised at your offer.

You took his larger hand in yours and the two of you snuck out of the conference room. It was only a few corridors and hallways down, close for convenience. You thanked God or whatever higher being in dark robes that existed that you were spared an elevator ride. You weren’t sure if you’d be able to act normal enough to convince whoever watched the elevator security footage that the two of you weren’t about to hook up.

Soon enough you were in your office, which was luckily a closed off room. As the overseer of finance, you had similar status to Reagan and Brett, but while Reagan had her lab, you had a spacious office where you were able to sort through Cognito Inc.’s annual revenue and costs, insurance policies, and new ways to evade taxes every year.

You shut and locked the door with a quiet click. Even though you had been in here many times, you took in your surroundings. The large windows behind your desk overlooked a nice view similar to J.R.’s. No one could see you from the busy street far below, but the off chance that someone did was exciting to consider. You unbuttoned your blouse halfway down, revealing your (luckily nice) bra. Brett’s eyes found their way to your chest and he couldn’t look away. You felt exposed—the weight of his gaze was something you had never felt before. Something about it excited you, causing a heat to pool in between your legs as he approached you.

“Okay, wow, this is happening,” Brett looked a little nervous, and that made you want him even more. If he hadn’t wanted to do this, he would’ve said so. Even if he was a people pleaser and high off his ass, he seemed just as interested in sexual endeavors with you as you were with him. Despite this, you just wanted to make sure.

“Is this okay?” You came up to Brett, placing your hands on his chest. He nodded eagerly and wrapped his arms around your waist. You leaned up to kiss him, and he returned twofold. You were caught off guard by his eagerness, but tried to kiss him more fervently to match his pace.

Brett reached down and grabbed the meat of your thigh, hiking your leg up his side. You sighed into his mouth as he grabbed at your leg and held your body flush against his. You felt his dick press against you through your clothes and your ears prickled with heat. You were thrilled that he seemed to want you—bad.

Suddenly, you pulled away, and Brett actually frowned at the loss of contact. That look he was giving you was enough to get you off alone. Slinking an arm around his shoulder and pressing yourself back against him, you moved your hand down to the bulge in his slacks, rubbing against his erection tentatively. He groaned quietly, breathing a hot breath down your neck, causing you to shiver.

You traced the brunet’s pants in the shape of a heart and then moved to palm his clothed cock. The moments were slow and deliberate, almost teasing. Seeing him like this was something you just couldn’t put in words, so you decided that you were going to show him with your actions. You squeezed your thighs together when the sound of a repressed whimper left his lips, which were now a little red and swollen.

“You’re doing so good, Brett,” you whispered quietly, your tone genuine and loving. He let out a shallow breath, clearly turned on by your words of praise.

“I wanna make you feel good…too,” he whispered back, and you swore your heart skipped about four beats. You cupped his cheek with your hand that had been around his neck and looked up at him, brushing your thumb on his smooth face. How does this man never have any stubble?

“Maybe another night. Right now, I’m here for you, pretty boy,” your lips curled into a smile as you finished your sentence. Brett’s mouth formed into a small ‘o’, but he didn’t protest. You held his shoulders and guided him backwards to your office chair. He sat, his legs slightly spread out and his arms resting on each side. You stood in front of him and slowly started taking off your clothes.

Your shoes went first; you slid the comfortable loafers off and placed them next to each other on the floor. Then was your blouse, halfway unbuttoned but still tucked into your faded black pencil skirt. You casually tugged it out of your bottoms, taking your time to unbutton the rest of the buttons before shrugging it off and letting it fall to the floor. Next was your skirt, which had a tiny zipper that you didn’t rush to unzip. Playing things out seemed to be working, because one glance at Brett and you could see that his hard-on was straining against his pants. He bit his lip as he tried not to cover himself up.

Finally, you tugged off your skirt and let it join your blouse on the ground. You were left in your bra, underwear, and a bland pair of tights. You clearly had not planned on presenting your half-naked self to the titular coworker, or else you would’ve worn nicer undergarments or even lingerie.

Brett stared, perhaps in awe, at your figure. His hand moved so he could palm himself through his pants. You blushed, the bold action catching you off guard, but you tried to keep it together. You shook your head and climbed on top of him, straddling him and placing your hands on his chest.

“Let me take care of you, alright?” You looked at him with a lidded gaze, which he returned. He nodded and mumbled an, “okay,” with an already fucked-out look on his face (you were just getting started, too). Honestly, you found it kind of cute. The way he could barely look at you, or maybe it was how he was breathing a little erratically.

You could hardly wait.

As a way of testing the waters, you slowly circled your hips, grinding against Brett’s crotch. He groaned almost painfully, and you took that as a good sign. Holding onto his shoulders, you started to dry hump where you felt his enclosed cock. With each rock of your hips, you felt your clit throb with pleasure. You sighed, breathing hard through your nose. Momentarily, you locked eyes with him and he gave you a pleading look, but you didn’t stop.

“Fuck,” he breathed out, his hands moving to hold your waist in an attempt to help you grind on him. You moved your hips at a more fervent pace, giddily watching him fall apart underneath you. And oh, he just felt so good rubbing against your clit, now swollen in your damp underwear.

“I—,” he choked out, “I think I’m going to cum.”

And just like that, you stopped, completely halting the motions of your hips. You yourself were making your way to your own orgasm. Brett gave you a look of utter devastation, but you brought a hand up to his face and rubbed his cheek with your thumb.

“Good boy.”

Brett let out a small gasp as you moved your hands down to his pants, undoing his belt and pulling his fly down. You grazed his straining erection with gentle hands before finally pulling his length out of his white underwear. Of course his underwear is white, you thought to yourself, but quickly brushed the amusing thought away to focus on the task at hand.

“Thank God I take birth control,” you muttered as you pulled your underwear to the side and lined Brett’s cock up with your dripping entrance. You held his length and dragged it up and down your other lips. The way the head of his dick felt against your clit had both him and you moaning already.

Finally, you lowered yourself onto his cock. The two of you moaned as you stretched out around him. Moving at an almost grueling pace, you used his shoulders as leverage to lift yourself up and back down on his length. Unsurprisingly, his dick fit you perfectly. Your eyes filled with adoration as you began to ride him, but, unbeknownst to you, your feelings for him hardly held a candle to his.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Brett chanted under his breath, his chest rising and falling with each large breath he took. If you weren’t so focused on the way his cock hit your g-spot, you might’ve noticed the way he was looking at you. His heart was full and beating hard. Adrenaline pumped through his veins like liquid fire and he gave up on holding back his gasps and groans. His hands grabbed at your bare sides as he rocked his hips up into yours.

“Oh, p-please, I…”

You didn’t mind his neediness; on the contrary, you started fucking him more erratically as you felt your own climax on the horizon. Your clit bumped up against his pants as you rolled your hips, sending twinges of pleasure from your core to the rest of your body. You moved to grab onto his forearm, watching the way his eyebrows knitted together as he occasionally babled your name along with a string of curses.

“You feel so good, oh my God,” you hissed out as you continued to fuck yourself on his dick. He breathlessly agreed with your sentiment, his cheeks and shoulders flushed with pleasure.

“Can I cum inside of you?” Brett asked weakly as if to imply his impending orgasm, rolling his hips without any sort of rhythm. This time, you were going to make sure he came.

“Y-yeah,” you nodded vigorously, trying to focus on guiding the two of you each to your own orgasms. And when that wire inside of you was pulled so tight that it finally snapped, you moaned his name loudly. You tried your best not to stop until he came, which he did—hard.

The feeling of so suddenly being filled with the brunet’s cum was something that you tried to ingrain into your mind. You wanted to remember this forever, or even better, experience it again. Your chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, your brain was fuzzy despite you having sobered up, and you were undoubtedly going to be sore from riding him so hard.

You closed your eyes for a moment, catching your breath and relishing in the feeling of Brett still being inside of you. The moment only lasted for a brief moment because you suddenly felt a hand on your face. Your eyelids fluttered open at the feeling of the man’s gentle caress against your cheek. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and you felt your cheeks prickle with heat. Finally meeting his gaze, you were surprised to see him already looking at you.

Brett felt a lot less nervous than he had earlier; he hardly wanted to move from out of his position in your chair, and he just couldn’t get enough of the way you looked right now. He sighed softly, cocking his head to the side as he went to stroke your hair. That is, before he stopped himself.

“We should…get cleaned up.”

“Yeah,” you agreed with a small smile plastered on your face. You hadn’t even realized you were smiling until you opened your mouth to respond to him.

“There’s a bathroom attached to my office,” you whispered, “we can—“

“I got it. You stay here.” Brett insisted, looking up at you with a fixed expression. Your heart skipped once more and you averted your eyes to a plant in the far corner of your office. After another moment, you finally pulled yourself off of the man and collected your clothes, shrugging your blouse back on but hesitating to button it back up.

Brett tucked himself back into his pants and headed off in the direction you pointed him in. For a moment, you were left there alone. You stared at the now open bathroom door and the yellow-white light that spilled out of the room, and you tried not to focus on the feeling of cum dripping down your leg. Brett’s cum. Inside of you. The words took a second to register, and by the time the brunet came back, you were blushing.

“Here, lemme get this,” he awkwardly leaned down and wiped you up with a paper towel before quickly returning to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet and wash his hands. Always a people pleaser, that man.

You finally put your skirt back on and tucked your blouse in before zipping it up. Luckily, you had worn only a little bit of makeup to work that day, so the only thing that looked off about you was your hair, which was slightly frazzled. Brett’s was as well, so, to his utter delight, you quickly fixed it for him.

“There you go,” you smiled, trying not to think about how the two of you were a lot more sober than you had been earlier. Brett thanked you sheepishly.

“Uh, I-I’m gonna get going. See you, (Name),” He rubbed the back of his head as he slowly backed up to the door before finally unlocking it and leaving. Well, that was weird. You didn’t expect that he would have been in such a rush to leave. You wanted to shrug it off, but that odd feeling lingered in your mind before spreading to your heart and the pit of your stomach.

“Don’t worry,” you said to yourself as you checked the time on your phone. 5:08 PM. Damn, it’s time for me to get going too. You collected a couple of folders and put them in your bag before slinging it over your shoulder.

“It’s okay, tomorrow things will be normal. It’ll be business as usual.”

Yeah. Business as usual…

#brett hand #inside job #brett hand x reader #brett hand smut #smut

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suddencolds · 7 months

Text

Fool Me Twice | [6/6]

Part 6 is finally here! 🎉 (6/6 feels so surreal to write.) I think this will be the last installment out of this mini-arc, but I definitely want to write more of these two in the future (+ have a lot very loosely planned, if I can ever get around to writing it).

Part 6 ft. fake dating, cold-induced exhaustion, and questionable decisions

You can read part 1 [here]! The other parts are listed in my [fic masterlist].

—

Yves isn’t sure what he expects.

He wakes up early to shovel snow from the front porch, makes breakfast, weighs his options over breakfast, and then—maybe ill-advisedly—texts Vincent before he heads out for work.

Y: tell me you got some rest last night!

V: Of course

Y: more than 3 hours?

V: Do you even need to ask?

Y: i’m sure no one would mind if you took the day off Y: give someone else a chance to be the most irreplaceable person in the room for a day! Y: i swear i’ve never seen you take a sick day

V: No need. I’m feeling a lot better today

It’s said with such conviction that Yves thinks he has no reason to question it. It isn’t like Vincent to be outright dishonest, after all. If he’s claiming to be feeling better, he must be at least on the mend.

It’s for that reason that Yves resists the urge to go out of his way to check on him. The office building is spacious enough that neither of them has a reason to cross paths, usually, except potentially at lunch.

And either way, it’s nothing Yves should have to concern himself with—Vincent can take care of himself. He can, and he will, Yves thinks. Perhaps in the future Yves will be able to take him out for a proper dinner, as a way of showing his thanks. But until then, things will be back as they’ve always been, barring the unusual circumstances over the last few days. Yves will go back to regarding Vincent as nothing more than a colleague—as someone he cares about to the appropriate extent, as someone whose life he’s in only tangentially.

And Vincent doesn’t need anyone—least of all, Yves—to look out for him. Yves likes his coworkers, but he knows better than to confuse civility with friendliness. He and Vincent certainly aren’t close enough to be properly considered friends.

It’s with that reassurance that he goes about work for the first few hours of the day. It’s easy, as always, to fall into the flow of it. He’s a little more tired than usual—he finds himself stifling a yawn into one hand during the morning team meeting—but not quite tired enough to be nodding off, at the very least.

Work always feels longer when he’s tired, though it’s never too long of a stretch until lunch. As a general rule, he likes to tackle the more difficult work in the morning, after he’s had his morning coffee, and save the more structured, less demanding busywork for after lunch. It’s interesting, but it’s work nonetheless, and all in all, it goes by especially slowly. He very pointedly does not allow his mind to wander. Halfway through his morning, Laurent shows him some of the ridiculous emails he’s gotten from a particularly standoffish client, and Cara comes over to peek over his shoulder and laugh with him about Laurent’s businesslike, unwavering civility, and the morning goes by faster after that.

It’s only when he’s a few steps away from the break room that he hears—or, rather, overhears—

“I’m sorry,” someone says, from the other side of the door. It takes him a moment to recognize the voice for who it is—the new hire. Angelie. Right. It’s not that he means to eavesdrop, but he thinks it’s strange that she feels the need to apologize at all. It sounds like the kind of apology that she really, sincerely means—not one given out of thinly-veiled obligation, not one exchanged only as a business courtesy, and that makes him pause.

He wonders what it is that she thinks she’s done wrong. Maybe if he sticks around, he can reassure her afterwards—he knows how intimidating it can be to be new. “When I asked you for help, I didn’t realize how much work it’d be.”

“It’s— it’s ndo problem, snf-!” Whoever she’s talking to says. As if Yves doesn’t know immediately; as if Yves hasn’t been thinking—or rather, trying not to think—about said person all morning. “I’m used to it.”

“Still, if I had known how long it’d take—”

“It’s really okay, Angelie.”

“You’ve been such a big help to me. I didn’t know until Charlotte told me you’ve been here all morning trying to—”

“It’s fine. This isn’t any sort of special circumstance. I’mb - snf-! - frequently here early. J-just a second—” For a moment, Yves wonders if they’ve lowered their voices to speak more quietly, but then the reason for the lull in the conversation becomes evident. Vincent coughs—harshly enough that, even through the wall, it sounds almost certainly painful. When he speaks up again, his voice sounds noticeably hoarser than before. “Sorry. I— coughcough - I’m happy to be - snf-! - of assistance, really.”

“Thank you,” Angelie says. “I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. I think I’m good from here—but um, if you don’t mind me asking…”

She hesitates. For some reason Yves can’t quite parse, she sounds uncertain.

“What is it?” Vincent says.

“Um, are you okay?”

All of a sudden, the apology makes sense.

“What?”

“You— seem—”

“I’m fine,” Vincent says.

“Okay.” A beat. “Do you need cough drops? I have a whole bag at my desk. I always get sick when I’m in new places, so—it hasn’t happened yet, I mean, but I wanted to be prepared in case it does. If you want any, I have a ton to spare.”

Yves hears the static whir of the coffee machine as it comes to life.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m okay,” Vincent says. “Though, you should - hH… hh… hH-hih’GKT-! snf-!” The sneeze doesn’t sound relieving in the least, and the sniffle which follows seems as good as useless. “You should keep your distance.”

“Well, the offer still stands if you end up needing them later,” Angelie says, sounding uncertain. “Thanks again for all the help.”

“It’s no problem. If you run into any issues later, don’t be afraid to reach out.”

He hears footsteps, receding—Angelie is going back to work, he realizes. And, judging by the sound of the coffee machine, Vincent is still here, making his usual morning espresso.

Yves really shouldn’t interrupt. He should turn around and head back to his office desk. Really, it’s none of his business if Vincent is okay. It’s none of his business whether or not Vincent got to the office early today, as usual, despite working so late last night. It’s none of his business whether or not Vincent is feeling well enough to be here in the first place. Perhaps he should go back to his desk—perhaps he doesn’t need coffee as imminently as he’d thought.

Against all logic, he finds himself on the other side of the break room door.

At the sound of the door opening, Vincent looks up. Yves catalogs his appearance in silence. His hair is as neat as usual, his jacket ironed, his tie perfectly straight, but there’s an unusual flush high on his cheekbones, a paleness to his complexion.

“Yves,” Vincent says.

His voice practically cracks on the syllable, as if he’s just a few conversations away from losing his voice. He sounds so distinctly unwell, Yves realizes.

And he looks exhausted. The dark circles under his eyes are even more prominent than before, and when he lifts his elbow to his face to muffle a few harsh, breathless coughs into his sleeve, there’s an uncharacteristic sluggishness to the motion of it. When he lowers his arm, there’s a thin sheen of water to his eyes—from the sheer force of the coughing fit, perhaps. His eyes are a little red-rimmed.

Vincent sniffles, though the sound is so congested that Yves isn’t sure it’s made any difference at all. Past them, the coffee machine beeps to signal that it’s done.

Yves pushes the door shut behind him. His mouth feels dry.

“I wadted to - snf-! - properly thank you for last ndight,” Vincent starts. “I realize that—” His eyes water, and he blinks, reaching up with one hand to rub his nose. “That you - hH-hHih…” He veers away from Yves, steepling both his hands over his face as his shoulders jerk forward with a forceful, “hihH’GKT’ShhuH!” And then, just a few moments later, another - “hH… hiIH… HIIh’NGKTshHh!-!” The sneezes—even stifled—sound loud enough to grate on his throat. It’s no wonder his voice sounds off. “I realize that you ended up staying a lot later than you planned to.”

Yves stares at him. Is this really what Vincent thinks he wants to hear?

“And I apologize if I came across as…” Yves sees the moment Vincent’s gaze unfocuses. He sees the way Vincent tenses, cupping a hand over his face for another, “HIh’Gktt! Hh… hHh… hiih—!”

The look of ticklish desperation—his eyebrows creased, his expression slack—doesn’t let up, even as his breath settles. Vincent rubs his nose with the bridge of his index finger, sniffling again, as if to coax out the sneeze that his body seems so adamant on denying him—

“hiHH-’IksSHuhh! … hHIH… Hh… hh-hIih—HIih-TSCHhuuh! snf-!” A soft, almost imperceptible exhale. “Excuse mbe, I...” His voice practically gives out on that note, and he takes a halting step back, veering aside with another fit of coughs.

“You said you were feeling better,” Yves all but snaps, when he’s done.

Vincent looks off to the side. “I’m not as tired as I was yesterday,” he says. “So, in that regard.”

He turns aside to lift the coffee mug from where it sits on the machine. There’s a slight tremor to his hand when he picks it up, before he steadies it—indicative of one too many cups of coffee, perhaps—or, knowing Vincent, probably a lot more than that.

“In that regard?” Yves repeats. “So you’re feeling worse off in every other regard?”

He doesn’t mean for it to come out so accusatory, but a part of him feels—betrayed, maybe. By the dishonesty of Vincent’s response, by the intensity of his own worry.

“That’s not what I meant.”

Vincent looks like he’s about to say something more, but then he’s hurriedly setting his coffee down, raising both hands to his face, again, for—

“hiIH… HIIH’GK-t! Hh! Hih… HIih’IZSCHhuh!” A single, breathless, “Sorry,” and then - “hhH-! snf-…!” Yves watches his expression crumple as he jerks forward, his eyes watering. “hiIH-NGkt-! Hh…. HHh… hiIH-!... HH‘IIKTCHhuhH-!”

The sneezing fit is punctuated by another round of coughing, which all but confirms that all this sneezing is making Vincent lose his voice faster.

Yves passes him a coffee napkin. Vincent eyes it for a moment before taking it, gingerly.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Yves says. “You’re clearly unwell.”

“I’m fine. I had a couple calls this morning.”

“You didn’t think to cancel?”

“They were urgent.”

“And what do you think our clients would think if they see that you’re clearly coming down with something?”

“I took medicine to suppress the symptoms,” Vincent says, glancing off to the side. “A few hours ago. It’s - coughcough - just starting to wear off.”

“I don’t get it,” Yves says, feeling the frustration build in his chest. “You’re not going to recover quickly if you keep pushing yourself.”

“It’s just a cold. There’s nothing I can do but wait it out.”

“There are plenty of things you could do. You could take a sick day, for one. You could head home early. You could even get more than a few hours of sleep, instead of—” Yves looks toward the coffee mug in his hands. “—insisting on taking cold medicine and keeping yourself awake with caffeine. Just how many cups of coffee have you already had this morning?”

“I’m fine, Yves.

“As you’ve said,” Yves says, a little bitterly. “Though, even if you insist on lying to everyone else, at least you should be honest to yourself.”

Vincent is quiet for a moment.

When he speaks, his voice is carefully even. “Is that why you’re so upset?”

“What?”

“It’s because I told you I was feeling better.”

Yves supposes that’s part of it. But another part of him is frustrated—with himself, first and foremost, for putting Vincent in this situation in the first place, for inconveniencing someone he’s already indebted to, only to have to watch from the sidelines, guiltily, with no way to help. Back then—with Erika, with crew, with university; with the cheating, and the aftermath; with the apartment hunting, with the start of his job, with everything else—Yves has always disliked the revelation that there’s nothing he can do.

“You’re free to lie to me,” he says. “I know we’re not close. But I care about you, which is why I asked.”

“I don’t think you understand.” Vincent takes a measured sip from his coffee. His hand trembles slightly when he lifts the cup, and Yves has the sudden urge to take it from his hands. Vincent sighs. “Do you know why I told you I was feeling better?”

That seems obvious enough. “Because you wanted me to stop asking.”

“Because I don’t want it to be anyone else’s problem,” Vincent snaps. “Especially not yours.”

Before Yves has the time to fully process that statement, Vincent continues. “I don’t want my assignments to be work on someone else’s plate. I don’t want my health to be someone else’s problem. You already stayed so late last night—you went out of your way to get me dinner. How could I possibly ask any more of you?”

The sentence seems to grate unpleasantly against his throat for the way that he winces a little, turning aside to cough harshly into his fist. “I’m not feeling well today, but I knew you’d be worried if I told you. And how could I knowingly take up more of your time? After everything you’ve done for me already?”

His sentence tapers off into another coughing fit, which he emerges from with another wince. It must hurt his throat to speak.

“I wasn’t being honest when you asked me how I was feeling,” Vincent says—finally an admission, but hearing it now doesn’t make Yves feel better at all. “But it would be selfish of me to make this any more of your problem than it already is.”

In lieu of responding, Yves takes the coffee cup from his hands and sets it down, gingerly, on the countertop. He takes another mug—unwraps an herbal tea bag from the cabinets, while he’s at it—and fills it to the brim with warm water, for the tea to steep. He stirs in a spoonful of honey. Steam rises from the cup in white wisps, and with it, the faint smell of chamomile.

When the tea is ready, he holds the cup by the rims, turning the handle outwards for Vincent to take. Vincent regards it with confusion, his eyebrows furrowing slightly, and for a moment, Yves wonders if he should clarify that it’s meant for him.

But then he takes it. Watching him lift the cup to take a sip—seeing the brief, miniscule flash of relief as his throat dips with a swallow—makes something tighten in Yves’s chest.

It takes everything in him not to cross his arms outright.

“You are really a hypocrite,” he says.

“What?”

“You helped Angelie, just yesterday. You helped me when I was just starting out. Both of us made our work—and our training, and our inexperience—your problem.” For all the things Yves has asked of him—for all the things he’s seen others ask of him, however inordinate—Vincent has never once complained.

“You’re always taking on things for other people, because you know you’re capable of doing them,” Yves says. “How is it any different if it’s you?”

Vincent doesn’t say anything, to that.

“You’re harder on yourself than you are on anyone else,” Yves says, with a sigh. “Even if you tell me not to worry, I’m still going to worry about you. But it’s not a burden to me.”

Something in Vincent’s expression stills.

“I know I can’t change your mind,” Yves says. “But you should get some rest—whenever you can. You’ve already done more than enough, I promise. I—or anyone else on the team—can take up anything that can’t wait until you’re feeling better.”

Vincent turns away, his shoulders trembling on an inhale, and Yves barely squeezes in a preemptive “Bless you,” before—

“Hh… hiIH’EKkTSHuhH! Hh… hh… HiIH’IIKKtsCHuhH! snf-! ”

He lifts his free hand up to cover, his eyes squeezing shut as he muffles the sneezes into his wrist. It’s a miracle that the tea doesn’t spill, Yves thinks.

When he emerges, a little teary-eyed, sniffling, he really does look tired. He says, “I don’t understand why you care so much.”

Isn’t it obvious? Yves opens his mouth to say just as much, only…

…Only, Vincent looks genuinely stricken.

“I like you,” Yves says, because it’s the truth. Because he wants, suddenly, for Vincent to know it. “Do I need any other reason?”

“That seems… impossibly simple.” “It is,” Yves says. For a moment, he wants to tell Vincent just exactly how simple it is, just how easy Vincent is to like.

“I didn’t intend to worry you,” Vincent says, looking off to the side. “I didn’t expect for anyone to be worried in the first place.”

Yves—who frequently worries about people, whether they want him to or not—laughs. “If you don’t want me to worry about you, you should hurry up and get better.”

At this, Vincent nods, contemplative. “Duly noted.”

“Which means getting some proper rest.”

“I’ll consider it.”

(Yves half expects that to be a lie. But when he gets to work the next morning, Vincent’s desk is unoccupied, for once, and there’s a small packet of cough drops leaned up against his desktop monitor—so he had asked Angelie for them yesterday, after all—and a stack of files set off neatly to the side, marked For Later.

Yves supposes he can deal with that.)

#snz fic #sneeze fic #sneeze kink #snz kink #snz #as promised! posted today!#it sucked the life out of me to write this installment 😭 heart to hearts are so difficult and i really struggle with writing like #inter-dialogue descriptions #i hope it was alright 😵‍💫#i have many many plans for these two in the future if people are still interested in reading them still #to anyone who has left feedback in the tags for prev parts i owe my life to you 😭 thank you for encouraging me to finish this #my fic #yvverse

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sentinelpri · 9 months

Text

Burnt Out

Working at Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital is brutal, to say the least. As the head of the cardiology department and a member of Gregory House’s diagnostic team, your job is not only hectic but also underappreciated. You spend most of your days cycling between helping your patients, helping your coworker’s patients, pouring over paperwork, being scolded by Cuddy, and being shat on by House, who insists that you stay on his team while constantly dismissing your ideas and implying that you’re an idiot like he does with damn-near everyone else he works with.

So, yeah. Life is great.

Currently, you’re sitting in the diagnostics conference room at the corner of the table. Chase, Cameron, Foreman, and Wilson are also sitting with you. Meanwhile, House is standing at the whiteboard, bouncing his tennis ball with one hand and using the other to write down your most recent patient’s symptoms.

“Eleven year old caucasian female, admitted two days ago after falling unconscious during her first ever track meet. Her family’s medical history is totally clean from what we can tell and she’s had no problems prior to this, though they seem to be way behind on taking her and themselves to the doctor for regular visits. However, since being admitted, she’s only displayed more symptoms and seems to be getting worse,” House explains, seemingly unenthused. You wouldn’t be surprised if he’d already figured it out. He likes to do that- to pretend that he has no idea what the patient’s affliction is and then rag on everyone else for not being able to figure it out. “So far, we’re dealing with high blood pressure, a one hundred one degree fever that refuses to break, hives, bloodshot eyes, and swelling across her entire body.”

“Rheumatoid arthritis?” Cameron suggests, eager to be the first one to get at the new case. “I know she’s young, but she could’ve developed it early and had it go undiagnosed.”

“Before we start discussing the possibility of chronic diseases, shouldn’t we test for strep and scarlet fever?” Chase questions. “If her parents are so bad about getting her medical care, it could have just been a minor illness that’s developed into this.”

“What about you two? (y/n), Foreman?” House pipes up, calling the two of you out since you’ve been totally silent since he started. You can’t help but notice that he doesn’t do the same to Wilson, who hasn’t said anything either. “Nothing to say?”

Foreman shrugs.

“This isn’t my ballpark. I’ll let you figure it out, House. I’m sure you’re just playing with us anyway. Compared to the last few cases, this seems like child’s play.”

Seemingly satisfied with that answer, House turns to you.

“And you?”

“Kawasaki disease? She has some of the symptoms,” You half-heartedly answer.

“Just because you’re a cardiologist doesn’t mean that every patient that comes through these doors has a heart disease, you know,” House scoffs with a roll of his icy blue eyes. “And she only has some of the symptoms for that. She doesn’t fit into the main demographic for it either. That’s the worst answer I’ve gotten out of you for a case all month. Are you even trying anymore?”

When House first hired you, you were excited- always trying your best and working after your already long hours to solve cases. As the years have gone by, though, you’ve lost your enthusiasm and frequently find yourself dreading the mornings where you and House’s paths have to collide. You know he’s only so cruel because he has problems of his own and because he has a motive (just like he has a motive for every other crazy thing he likes to do), but the fact that he picks on you so often when all you’re doing is trying your best gets under your skin.

A couple years ago, you might’ve tried to argue back with him. Now, all you can do is avert your eyes and stare at the table as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world. You’re praying for a hole to just appear underneath you and suck you into the vacuum of space- or at least for everyone to continue chatting until the embarrassing situation is long forgotten- but instead, Cameron pipes up to defend you.

“Dr. House, was that really unnecessary? They’re trying their best and you’re being needlessly cruel.”

“What, are you jealous that I’m paying more attention to them than I am to you?” House snarks back at her. You hold your head in your hands and sigh. “Because next time, I can include you, too. Now do any of you have any better ideas than the crap you’ve just given me or am I going to be handling this case by myself?”

With that, the meeting continues. House ends up deciding that he’s going to order labs to see if the patient has strep or scarlet fever before doing anything else, leaving you to finish out your work day.

You rush out of the office the moment he dismisses you all. Cameron tries to catch up to you to ask if you’re okay, but much to your relief, Chase stops her and tells her that you probably just need your space. You rush to your office, shut the door, sit down in your chair, and- for the first time in a long time- bawl your eyes out.

House being a dick to you is typical, but on top of everything else that you have to deal with at your job, it pushes you over the edge. With the ungrateful patients, admin, and coworkers, the long hours, the physically and mentally draining work, and all of the drama that happens in the hospital, it’s almost impossible to keep going. The only thing- or, person- that makes it somewhat worth the turmoil is your partner, James Wilson, who you’ve been dating for some months now.

He’s a great comfort to you, and he’s always kind, unlike a lot of the people you find yourself surrounded by at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Your relationship is surprisingly healthy despite the amount of problems between the two of you. You don’t want to miss out on more time with him than you already do, though, so you find it hard to quit or even ask to be moved off of the diagnostics team.

Conflicted and tired, you bury your head in your arms and cry even harder, glad that the walls are soundproof until you hear the sound of your doorknob turning.

And that’s when you realize that you forgot to lock the door.

You pop your head up, tears still covering your cheeks and welling up in your eyes. You probably look like shit and your partner has just walked in to see said display.

There, right in front of you, in the entryway of your office, stands James Wilson, looking at you like a deer caught in the headlights. The worst part is that you’re sure you’re looking at him the same way. The happy expression he walked in with has fallen completely.

“Did I come at a bad time?” He tentatively asks.

“No, sorry,” You answer and rush to wipe your tears away. You try to make yourself look presentable, probably to no avail considering the look of disbelief that James shoots your way. “What do you need?”

“Are you sure? I can leave if you want-” James starts and steps back towards the door.

“Don’t,” You interject, shaking your head. “Please. I know we’re at work right now, but…”

James sighs, then shuts and locks the door behind you. He quickly approaches your desk and sits on the edge of it, facing you.

“House really got to you today, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, I guess he did,” You shrug. “I don’t even know what to do about it anymore, James… I’m considering just quitting and going somewhere else. I feel so burnt out. It’s not even just House, it’s everything else, too. He’s the least of it.”

James nods.

“...I understand.”

“Do you really?”

“Well, maybe not in the exact same way. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice that House is a little less harsh on me than he is on the rest of you, but him and I have been friends for a long time. He knows what I’m capable of. The only reason he pushes your buttons so much is because he’s testing to see what your limits are. In a weird sort of way, he’s trying to get to know you,” James explains, though both of you know that isn’t much of a comfort to you. “I’m sure things have been difficult for you lately. You do a lot, and it goes unappreciated, but I promise you that you’re doing a good job and that there are people who appreciate what you do.”

At that, you smile. You don’t feel completely better, but the weight on your shoulders does feel a little lighter.

“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

“I love you,” James says.

“I love you too.”

Hours pass. You work on paperwork while James responds to patient emails for you. The two of you knock out most of what’s been piling up on your end, much to your relief. You try not to think about the fact that James has probably neglected a lot of his day’s duties to help you out with this.

“Should we head out?” You ask, looking at the clock.

“Probably… It is getting pretty late.”

Just then, the doorknob turns, only to go back since James had locked it just moments before. A second later, you hear obnoxiously loud knocking. Wilson goes to open it. Standing there is House, who’s holding a stack of papers.

“All the other tests came back negative. You were right,” House admits, looking straight at you. “It’s Kawasaki disease. Good job.”

Then, as fast as he came by your office, House leaves, just as elusive as ever- and all you and James can do is laugh.

#james wilson x reader #House #house md #House M.D.#House M.D #gregory house #reader insert #self insert #gender neutral reader #oneshot #oneshots #fluff #drabble #drabbles

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bykii · 7 months

Text

angst for whatever character u want i dont really care who its just been on my mind

minors dni 18+ | pronouns: gender neutral |contains: angst, like smidge of fluff, no named best friend, uhhhh i felt played so u guys have to as well

he was always so sweet, the way your best friend would care for you. taking care of you when you're ill, wordlessly giving his jacket when you were cold, even offering to carry you to the car when your feet hurt after a long day of hanging out. your heart grew fond of the way he treated you, making your feelings impossible to bottle up. even his friends knew about your admiration with him being more than oblivious to how you've been around him.

it was one night, he had come over after you needed a break from work. you've been so stressed you nearly exploded at your coworkers before clocking out. luckily, he had come over with snacks and flowers to cheer you up. all his actions made you question how he felt about you. it was sweet.

the two of you decided on a movie to cooldown. he plopped himself on the couch, opening his arms to invite you in. shrugging to yourself, you found a spot engulfed in his warmth. the movie was slow and long for such an overhyped film. a yawn escapes your mouth which prompted your best friend to giggle. you hummed on his chest, fighting your sleep. he pressed a kiss on your head as a sign of reassurance to succumb to your slumber.

then another kiss on your forehead. thus prompting you to tilt your head up to look at him.

then one on your nose. your cheeks were glowing bright with color. you both locked eyes at one another. a smile plastered on his face as he looked down at you. something in your brain was buffering for a second when you examined his features.

out of curiosity, you pursed your lips out at him. he snickers to himself before leaning down to press his lips onto yours. his lips were soft and comforting. what was going on? kissing your best friend was never in your books. you pulled away, staring back at him. "sleep, i know you're tired," he said softly.

"but we're hanging out," you whined.

"i'll be fine, just sleep here," his hand rubbed your back while the other turned off the movie. you sighed, admittedly your eyes were already getting droopy at the sight of the film. you looked up once more, only this time he puckered his lips out to you.

one last kiss before sleeping.

it was only a week or so later. you, him, and all his friends hanging out at one of their houses. everyone was doing something different, some playing video games, others just talking, whilst you mind yourself at the kitchen counter. you admired how well he would get along with his friends.

your phone began to buzz, it was work. rolling your eyes, you stepped into the hallway to take the call. they were asking a bunch technical things, hours, overtime, blah blah blah. soon after the phone call ended, you stared at your screen before walking out the hallway. yet, something caught your ear, halting your steps.

"yeah they were so sweet!" you heard. "i took them to that one cafe by the college. we talked about work, interests, and just random stuff."

"i take it the date went well?" one of his friend's states.

"what about y/n?" another asked. "did you tell 'em about the date?"

"not yet. i don't think i wanna say anything to them until i know how i feel about this date," your best friend spoke. "we already planned another date so, i'm excited."

"did you guys kiss or anything?" the friend speaks again.

"mhm, we held hands most of the time we were together," he chuckled. "i think i'm starting to like them. i hope things go well."

that was the moment. all the voices tuned out, sick to your stomach, not sure to speak up or to run away. your chest hurt even more, thinking back to when you two kissed. thoughts flooded your head with regrets. was it just for fun? did the kiss mean nothing to him? why would he kiss you back if it didn't mean anything?

fighting your tears, you took a deep breath before taking a step out from the hall. eyes moved to look at your figure. you couldn't bear to make eye contact with anyone but you could feel the worry emit from his friends. "oh! y/n i didn't know you were back there i thought you were in the kitchen?" he asked, tilting his head.

"oh," you said softly. "it was too loud out here so i went back here to answer a work call."

"oh, did you-" he starts but you cut him off quickly.

"i have to go, work called me in. they need a lead on shift and i'm the only one reliable," you lied thru your teeth. your chest pain sharpened. "thanks for inviting me, i'll see you guys next time."

heading for the door, your steps were quick. "y/n, wait let me walk you out!" your best friend called out.

stupid.

"why are you walking so fast? i said i'd walk you out," he huffed as he caught up to you at the apartments elevator.

his stupid kindness.

"don't wanna be late," you grumbled. "go back to the guys, i'll be fine."

stupid caring self.

"y/n, i always walk-"

stupid. stupid. stupid.

you thought.

"i said i'm fine," you snapped. "i'll see you when i see you."

ding.

the elevator opened, you stepped in. not realizing there were tears running down your face. you turned around, facing him. concern was written all over his face. you wiped your face as the doors began to shut. locking eyes with him one last time, before never seeing him again.

#bykii.dreams ☁︎#angst #anime angst #jjk angst #hq angst #haikyuu angst #jujutsu kaisen #haikyuu #tokyorev angst #tokyo revengers

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sukunasweetheart · 2 years

Text

Lullaby for the Past

Office au Sukuna x fem!reader

Synopsis; Reincarnated as a human, Ryomen Sukuna - the former king of curses - is now just a perpetually tired office worker living in a world free of curses. His dreams are haunted by visions of his past life, despite not actually retaining any of these memories himself. These nightmares have surrounded him since childhood and nothing he does seems to do any help, so he’s given up and has learned to live with the restless nights, the lack of sleep and the moodiness. That is, until a series of unexpected incidents occur with the newly transferred employee - Y/N.

13. He Resides Within

Word Count: 3k

8AM in the morning, Y/N got off the phone after calling in sick for work. She might’ve overexerted herself from the abrupt exercising. There were numerous aches rippling throughout her body, and a fever was currently boiling her blood, making it difficult for her to think straight.

“Maybe I should just stay home. With you,” Sukuna clicked his tongue as he helped her down to her place, and then into her bed. Over the course of a few days, she’d been spending her nights at his apartment. Even in the duration of her illness, she felt a bit embarrassed about her home being in the mess that it was, due to how she hadn’t been bothering with the clean up.

“Absolutely not,” Y/N weakly chuckled as he rested her blanket over her body. “The office would get too busy if both you and I were missing.”

He gave her a smile that let her know he agreed with her, but also showed concern.

“What about medicine? Should I quickly get some right now?”

“I’m pretty sure I have enough in my cabinet,” she told him, shaking her head.

Sukuna sat beside her on the bed for a few moments, not wanting to leave her side.

He closed her window blinds for her, and then began walking out the door. When she called out his name again in the split second before he could close her door, he stopped in his tracks. There was a little pause before she spoke again.

“You should get going. This is my chance to sleep in for once.”

He gave a short laugh and nodded, pressing a kiss onto her hand afterwards.

“I’ll be back.”

“Drive safely.”

“Of course. Don’t worry about me.”

Sukuna checked and rechecked the clock on the wall, again and again. Was the day always this long? God, why did time have to go so slowly, on a day like this? Looking at your empty seat beside him made him sigh and grit his teeth. He wanted to abandon the office and just rush home.

It was one of those days in the office; where his back seemed to hurt no matter what position he sat in, his clothes stuck onto him in an uncomfortable way, and that constant, loitering feeling of restlessness seeping into his actions - whether it was in the form of him bouncing his leg, tapping his foot, or fiddling with something in his hand.

The others whispered to each other, pointing out his obvious shift in mood just from her absence at work.

They’d insisted he ate with them in the cafeteria, as he usually always ate lunch alone with Y/N during breaks. Now, food doesn’t taste the same without her. Ugh, he thinks, that sounded corny as shit.

“Sukuna, you’re… how do I say this…you’re hard to read, but easy to read at the same time.”

His spoon stopped midair as he made a face of displeasure towards Suzuki.

“What’re you trying to say?” Sukuna asked, looking clearly unamused.

“Nothing, sir.” The rest of the group held in their laughter, for fear of death.

As soon as he’d finished his meal, Sukuna stood up from his chair and rushed to return his tray after saying his thanks towards his coworkers. Perhaps if he could finish work fast enough, he’d be able to get off a little earlier than usual. With that in mind, Sukuna went forth to his desk to continue his tasks for the day as he held a little hope in being let off a little earlier.

Back at home, Y/N had woken up from her extra hours of sleep, but was still delirious from her fever. A throbbing feeling rippled through her head and this made even going to the toilet seem like a farfetched journey. She missed him already. She wished he was here to nag her to take her medicine. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was already 1pm. Y/N had taken her medicine in the morning without really eating much, and she’s about to do the same for lunch, too. It’s too bothersome.

And it’s always in times like these, where the house feels so cluttered and messy. Strewn clothes on the floor, books she’d discontinued reading at some point being everywhere except in the shelves where they belong, and some visible strands of her own hair being on the ground. Vacuuming was her least favourite house chore.

When everything feels this unorganised and unsightly, Y/N can’t help but feel like she has to quit. It’s all too much. And she didn’t feel like doing anything. She felt her eyes closing up again.

And she drifted in and out of consciousness, for the next couple of hours.

Oh, well. She thought to herself. I’ll just go back to sleep.

I’ll sleep, and if I’m lucky, maybe the feeling will go away, she childishly hoped.

Y/N’s mind remained dormant, but rather than in a peaceful way, it felt more like it was stuck limply writhing in the mud - slow, and difficult to move. It clung to her skin, and clumped up in her hair. Her blanket felt hot and heavy.

In the far distance, there seemed to be a distinct noise ringing in the background. Somebody was beginning to slowly drag her out of this mess. The ringing of that same noise was becoming more deafening, and Y/N opened up her eyes halfway.

…Who’s there? So noisy.

She closed her eyes again.

“Y/N, it’s me. Open up.” She perked up when she heard that voice.

She must’ve stood up too fast, because after the first few steps towards the door, she collapsed onto the floor with a loud thud. He must’ve heard it too, because he quickly grew concerned.

“Hey! You good?” Sukuna asked, frantically trying the door handle.

Hissing, she rubbed at her sore knees and stood back up again to open up for him. Once that damn door was out of the way, Sukuna looked her up and down for any sustained injuries before pulling her into his arms, not minding her dishevelled hair and sweaty skin.

“My bad. I forgot to take your keys with me this morning,” he apologised, patting the back of her head.

“Your fever still hasn’t gone down. Did you fall over on your way here?”

“Yeah,” she croaked out, chuckling weakly, embarrassed to admit so.

He didn’t seem to find it too funny, and instead immediately guided her back to bed.

“I wanna be somewhere where I can hear you moving around better.”

Sukuna asked her where the medicine cabinet was, and once he was back, he slapped a cold compression onto her forehead.

“I checked the sink and bin. You didn’t eat anything while I was gone, doll?”

When Y/N shook her head, he sighed and lightly pinched at her cheek.

“Hold on. Let me whip up something quick.”

When he stood up to leave again, she caught him by the hand, and told him she wanted to be on the sofa.

So now Y/N was laying on the sofa, watching her favourite comfort film while she listened to the sounds of Sukuna working in her kitchen. When he said quick, he must’ve really meant it because not long after, she was getting called to the table for her first meal of the day.

“It’s not much. Just egg rice porridge,” Sukuna told her, placing the steaming bowl before her. “Careful, it’s hot.”

Y/N thought she wouldn’t have the appetite to eat, but seeing and smelling this changed her mind entirely. She thanked him as he took a seat before her and put a spoonful of the porridge to her lips - only to retract immediately from the scorching heat.

She chuckled as Sukuna gave her a look that meant told you so, as he took the spoon from her and started to lightly blow on it. Perhaps being sick wasn’t so bad if it meant that your boyfriend would take care of you like this. She smiled and nodded when he asked her if it was good.

Once he’d finished the dishes, he came back to her on the sofa, where she promptly stood up with the blanket around her shoulders.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“You first,” she gestured, “I wanna lay on top.”

Sukuna grinned and went ahead to lie down on the spot that was still warm from her body heat. Y/N then climbed on top of him, ear against his chest.

Though, there was a rather strange feeling lurking inside of her as she drifted away into a nap. Every thump she heard was drawing her subconscious closer and closer to an ambiguous location in the far distance.

“Feeling comfortable?” he said - fixing the blanket to properly cover her.

“Very,” she replied, having a content smile on her face as she closed her eyes - listening to the beats of his heart, along with the noises of the film playing in the background.

Once she opened up her eyes again, Y/N saw that she was surrounded by the colour red.

He looks down at her with expressionless eyes, from atop his throne that has vastly shrunken in size over the years. Tattoos are inked onto his face, and what he dons is an old kimono. Even so, judging by the pink hair and the familiar crimson eyes - he was unmistakably Sukuna.

“Sukuna? What are you doing up there?” she asked, looking up past the strange bones that made up his seat.

‘Sukuna’ remained silent for a long minute, before he opened his mouth to speak.

“I should be asking that question. What are you doing here?”

He’d always thought that he was no longer able to bring anybody else in here. Not after taking up this new life of his. She squinted her eyes at him, and an awkward silence pours over them for a moment. The weird thing about dreams is that no matter how bizarre things may be, you don’t seem to question them as much as you’d do in real life.

The hell is that supposed to mean? She thought to herself.

“You’re… not the same. You’re not the Sukuna that I know.”

“Great observation. You’re one sharp woman,” he muttered sarcastically.

“Are you the one causing his nightmares?” Y/N glared at him.

“I’d be correct if I said yes, but I also wouldn’t be wrong if I said no.”

“Well either way, I’m going to beat your ass. Do you know how much he’s suffered because of you?”

Sukuna scoffed at her and followed it up with a cocky smirk.

“Feel free. Why don’t you try climbing up here?” he mocked her.

This was one terrible dream. Her house slippers definitely weren’t suited for climbing a hill of skulls. He peered down at her with amusement, not moving an inch to help her out. She was nearly there, anyway.

On the last step towards him however, Y/N’s foot slipped and she was on the verge of tumbling back down to square one. He darted his hand out to grab her by the wrist, with a sigh.

“Just how did I end up falling for someone like you anyway?” he asked haughtily as he placed her on his lap, sitting back down.

“What do you mean? So you’re the same person after all?”

His eyebrows furrowed with indignance and he clicked his tongue in disapproval.

She sensed how strong he was, just by the way he rendered her immobile.

“You wouldn’t understand even if I told you.”

‘Sukuna’ held her tighter and stopped her from thrashing around so much.

“It’s been a while since I felt the movement of another’s body.”

Something relatively sad seemed to enter the atmosphere between them, as he continued to look away from her. Even his sullen face looked the same. ‘Sukuna’ feels like someone who has rather limited time, fleeting.

“...I heard you were a four-armed beast. I don’t seem to see your extra limbs.”

“That’s old news. I’ve weakened significantly.”

He looked around at his narrowed domain - well, only a fragment of what it used to be. And now, even this won’t last much longer.

“That's why I can’t raise my hand against you. His affection still flows through me.”

“Will his dreams stop once you go away?” Y/N questioned him.

“Who knows. I’m not making myself see those memories purposefully.”

“You keep referring to him as if he’s the same person as you.”

“I’ve gotten rather soft, haven’t I? Well, either way, he’s merely but another variation of me.”

‘Sukuna’ looked at her with a more softened gaze.

She stared at him wordlessly - before relaxing in his arms and resting her head against him. He looked at her quizzically, raising an eyebrow.

“What’s with the changed attitude?”

“I promised… that I’d embrace every part of him.”

“Is that so? How sweet of you.”

“I’m not sure if I like this version of you though,” she said with a grimace.

He only grunted in response and leaned back into his throne.

She stared at him without shame, with big expressionless eyes. He took the time to try and decipher the gaze, but she looked away at the last second.

“...Wait, you didn’t witness it? Aren’t you always watching from here?”

“Like I said. I’ve grown weak. I only see glimpses of my new life…For the most part, I’m stuck here doing nothing.”

“Tell me, woman. Am I happy out there?”

“Must be boring. And lonely.” He merely scoffed at her again.

“Perhaps. But I’ll be disappearing soon. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“...I never said such a thing,” she pouted.

He let out a ‘hmph’ that sounded something like a mixture of both doubt and ridicule. His expression then softened for a moment, before he asked his next question.

It was an odd question to come out of someone like him. He didn’t look like he was looking forward to her answer at all.

“I…can’t say for sure? I’d like to think so,” she hesitantly replied. “Not to brag, but…you certainly seem a lot happier when I’m around.”

“You are quite amusing,” he said, tugging at her nose. “Though I don’t understand how my happiness can stem from anyone other than myself.”

He was used to being self centred and cold. Cold, despite the flames that he could create with his hands. Though, that was a long time ago.

“The ‘you’ out there understands perfectly well,” she replied quietly.

A long silence is lodged between them.

“Anyway, when can I go back again?”

“That’s not really up to me to decide. You’re the one that barged in here.”

Y/N looked up and around the area, looking for any emergency exits of any sort, but to no avail.

“What should I even say when I get back? That I met the past version of you? And talked to him?” she suddenly brought up.

“There’s no need,” ‘Sukuna’ told her, “I’ll be withholding your memories of me here. You’ll forget when you wake up. And you’ll only remember me when you’re in my domain.”

An expression of realisation ran through her face, going sullen as she uncrossed her arms before him. And then Y/N felt slightly uncomfortable at the reminder that she was currently in the lap of a murderer. She dared not ask him about that, however.

“That seems a little unnecessary. Why is it like that?” she asked curiously, crossing her arms.

“Use that little brain of yours. You think I’ll- he will be happy, knowing that all his dreams were real?”

Whether a person clings to their past, or the past clings to them - it is taboo, either way.

“Looks like time’s up.” He looked a little irritated and disappointed.

Before she could open her mouth again, Y/N was already back on the sofa in her living room. ‘Sukuna’, now alone once again, leaned back against the throne in his small, empty kingdom.

He placed a hand onto her forehead and roughly compared the heat of his palm with her forehead.

“My bad. Didn’t mean to wake you,” Sukuna told her, watching as she slowly rose from his chest, rubbing at her eyes.

“It’s alright. How long was I out for?”

“About an hour. How’re you feeling?”

“Much better.”

“Your temperature’s gone down, but you’re still a bit warm.”

He got up from the sofa and put the blanket over Y/N’s legs, telling her that he’d get her some water to drink.

And then, despite some protests from her end, Sukuna cleaned her place up a bit - picking up strayed clothes and tossing them into the laundry basket, and then vacuuming the area. She felt a little apologetic, but also refreshed at how less cluttered her living room felt.

“Hey, what’s this box? Do I push it back in?”

She turned around to see Sukuna gesturing towards the box from her storage closet, and a small panic ensued within her.

Later on, after the relaxing evening, Y/N fell asleep in his arms that night.

“Oh, please do… Um, I need to sort that out myself later on.”

Sukuna nodded and then pushed it back in using his foot, before closing the closet fully.

It had gone over her head completely. She didn’t even care about the things in that box anymore.

The box - which had been filled with objects and memories that belonged to her ex-lover - was soon disposed of, truly marking the end of her ties to her past relationship. Those memories had already gotten dull and dusty the moment she committed to the current love of her life.

She gazed at Sukuna with a smile, mesmerised, the morning she had fully recovered from her flu.

“How lovely you are.”

He seemed confused from the abrupt compliment, but his ears still turned a little pink. She hugged him as tight as ever.

Masterlist

Notes; my goodness, i apologise for being so late lmao

been a while, so this chapter may be a little confusing(?) because the end kinda stems off from a previous chapter

thank you for being so patient, im thinking of finishing this fic up soon so please look forward to it (tho it will probably take a while for me to write)

#sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #sukuna x y/n #ryomen sukuna x you #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader

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simplyfleur · 2 years

Note

Could you do a short fic of Josiah with a s/o that gets easily sick? (Like falls asleep outta nowhere, constantly has a fever, etc.)

hello, anon!! ｡ﾟ+.ヽ(´∀`)ﾉﾟ+.ﾟ what a relatable ask...anyways, I hope this is to your liking!!

— if you send for me, you know i'll come

sick s/o josiah nguyen

⚠️hi everyone! sorry for the slow updates, i've been feeling very unmotivated lately; but i hope i can get back into my groove soon!! art credit to @/SLOWTH_ARTS (Twitter) @/slowth__605 (Instagram).

JOSIAH has been watching you at your cubicle for a while, your arms act as pillows for your head and you sit hunched over your desk. Being the concerned coworker he is, he taps your shoulder to wake you up. He doesn't want Gary onto you, or another HR meeting. Only one touch of your skin, and he has to retract his hand quickly. Why is your body temperature incredibly hot? You shiver awake, and rub your eyes, getting rid of all of the sleep you've have done for the past hour. What time is it?

"Sleeping on the job?" Josiah laughs from above you. You cock your head to the right, startled by his voice. The headache you've had since you clocked in has gotten worse, and it feels like someone just drilled a hole into your skull -- you love Josiah's little chats with you, but you don't think you can last another minute at this cubicle...nonetheless have the energy to talk to him right now. He doesn't fail to notice the distressed look on your face. He can't help but be alarmed now. "You, uh, doing alright?"

You shake your head, laying your head back onto your arms. You take the seemingly trillionth tissue today and blow your nose. Josiah watches intently, noting how red your nose looks from the constant smearing you have done to it. Your attendance isn't the best in the IT department because of the constant fevers you get, but you really need to leave. You want to leave. Gary won't like this; though, convinced by Josiah, you show up to his office to ask for an early release. To your surprise, Gary grants it to you...after berating you about your absences. You don't care though, he's not the one with a high fever.

Upon arriving at home, you immediately collapse onto your couch, not having the energy to go to your room. Before you can even shut your eyes to sleep, the doorbell rings. You groan, slowly rising to your feet to answer the door. Josiah stands there, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a grocery bag. Did he leave work early too? "Josiah, what are you doing here?"

"Thought I should check up on you and make sure you're okay. I got something for you...'cuz y'know, it's what good coworkers do." This isn't his first time appearing at your doorstep while you're at home sick. He always stops by with some of your favourite takeout along with some medicine because he knows you so well. You step aside to let him in; and he sets down the bag of food in front of you.

"It's best to still eat despite being sick. Can't have you dying on me." He sits next to you, opening the bag to present to you your favourite food.

You thank him for showing concern and even bringing food to you. Despite being known for trashing people's cubicles, he keeps you and your home sanitised -- his janitor job gives him some kind of influence. He wears a mask around you to prevent the spread of your illness, he makes sure you take your medicine on a timely manner, and overall makes sure you get to better health.

If you need help staying awake, he runs to the nearest convenience store and grab a box of energy drinks. But you have to decline because water is more ideal during a fever than an energy drink. He doesn't care how much you sleep, he just wants you to get better. He freaks out internally if you sleep the whole day and say nothing to him-- what if you died? Queue him shaking you awake, and you getting annoyed.

He takes good care of you, putting all of his attention on you and your health. He doesn't do much to bother you, and kind of just sits next to you playing videogames while you suffer through your fever. He wants to think that his presence somewhat comforts you while you fight the cold. As soon as he leaves your place for the day, you'll find a little card on your desk that says, "Get better soon!"

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syuga-s · 2 years

Text

feelings are a fickle thing

w.c 15.2 k pairing. Jungkook x gn!reader, Yoongi x gn!reader genre. PURE ANGST bc I'm f*cking insane, suggestive themes, ANGST! a/n. MDNI!!!!! I throw some curses here and there, mention of the word “sex”. this is not inspired by Jungkook or Yoongi whatsoever, they're just my in my brain 24/7 and thought they'd fit well in here. Jaehyun and Yugyeom cameo!! I truly apologize bc this is not a nice story, it's full of immature (wounded) ppl that don't understand themselves, there are no ill intentions but it's just very messy.

Ever since you took Jungkook with you to Olivia’s birthday, all of your best friends haven’t stopped asking about him.

You met Jungkook in college. You hadn't come across him until your spring semester, but you officially became friends when you were sophomores. (around the time he started taking the same classes as you). Soon you became close friends and every free period was spent together.

Classes were over for the day? Time to go get some drinks with Jungkook. You didn’t eat breakfast today? Jungkook would take you to the nearest café just so you could grab something. You had time to kill until you had to go to your extracurriculars? No matter how many hours, Jungkook would stay just talking with you.

It’s safe to say you did everything with him. There were even times when instead of going out with your best friends, you would make plans together, just the two of you. You just fit together with him so well.

Of course, both of you had your own lives outside your friendship. It never crossed your mind why you would never talk about if you were dating or something. But you felt it would be better not to pry into his love life; simply because you didn’t want him to ask you about yours either. It was like some unspoken agreement. You made sure not to talk about the drama outside your friendship under no circumstances, it was better for both.

Keeping everything fun.

Two years into your friendship, other people started questioning the nature of your relationship. Every classmate was so sure that he was in love with you or that you were in fact going out. For (both) your sake, you just ignored them. You refused to be awkward about the closeness you had built with Jungkook. Moreover, you wanted to avoid ruining your friendship for that matter.

But your feelings changed once you graduated.

In the blink of an eye, you got yourself an internship in another state and had to move. In just a few weeks, you were already more than 2,000 miles away, but you certainly didn’t stop talking to Jungkook. Naturally, every day you were apart, it made you miss him more. Your conversations remained uninterrupted, day after day. Both of you texted non-stop. And when you weren’t texting, it was because you were already on a call or face-timing. Not for a moment did you get tired of telling him about your day and every little detail about your mundane activities.

And it turned out to be the same for him. He was always excited to hear how was your day. Just by talking to him and hearing you say, “I’ve been dying to tell you this all day!” made his whole week.

You weren’t even going to stay there permanently. He knew you were going to come back in a few months, still, he felt like part of him was gone for good.

Around three months had passed, and he needed to see you asap. One day, you told him you were craving one of the rum and cokes he used to sneak in when you were in college. And that was it, the perfect excuse for him to make a quick trip to see you for the weekend. The fact that you were like 40 hours away didn’t stop him whatsoever.

After that, you realized how good he was at surprises. You had absolutely no clue that he would fly to you. He had your schedule memorized, so he knew you wouldn’t be busy once he arrived. And well, he had actually asked you in the past days what were you going to do on the weekend, just to be extra sure.

”nothing really, you know I still feel like an outsider around my coworkers lmao, I’ll probably have a few drinks while I watch a movie”, “why do u ask?”

“I wanted to face-time you, we can drink together then 👍”

Just like that, his plan had been accepted, authorized, ratified and ready to be implemented. He could only hope for you to be happy to see him after all these months.

His flight would depart Friday at 5 a.m. and he asked Jaehyun and Yugyeom a few days ago if they could give him a ride to the airport. He asked them to stay at his place the day before, and they didn’t waste any chance on teasing him once they arrived at his apartment.

“The lengths you go for love, couldn’t be me”

“Dude, at least tell me you’re already together or something”

“I can’t believe you’re traveling that far, man”

“They’re my friend, I want to see them”

“Yeah, your friend without benefits.” The silence after that lasted for a few minutes, and there was a smug smile plastered all over Yugyeom’s face. It screamed that he was pleased with himself and his remark.

Jungkook was confident about what he was doing. The only thing in his head was that he wanted to see you. It didn’t have to mean something else. He didn’t have any other intentions. He just wanted to be with you, like when you were back in college. You had been part of his life for almost 4 years, and now he had the chance to go see you, so why wouldn’t he do it?

He kept speaking with his two friends about his plan and aside from their bantering, they were actually happy for him. They didn’t mention it in front of him, but they could physically see he felt different about you. Jaehyun admired everything he had done for him to drop everything for a few days just to spend them with someone whom he had yet to admit he had feelings for.

Yugyeom didn’t buy either that you were just friends, but he was supporting Jungkook nonetheless.

It was time to get some sleep, and he couldn’t close his eyes. He started getting nervous about how would he spend the weekend with you? That was the only thing he didn’t think through. His head was running in circles. Already 3 a.m. and he didn’t get any rest whatsoever. As he was showering, he had an epiphany. How could he not think about it sooner? He was determined on taking you to all the touristy places you wanted to go but haven’t been able to since you moved. Consciously or unconsciously, he just wanted to see you happy around him.

The drive to the airport was silent. While Jaehyun was focused on driving, Yugyeom was fighting to stay up and Jungkook’s mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. The car smelled like coffee, and Yugyeom couldn’t remember the last time he was up before it was dawn.

“Thanks for driving me guys, I owe you” Jungkook squeezed their shoulders while he was filled with anxiety. ”Yeah, no problem man, how are you feeling?” Jaehyun asked and eyed him through the rearview mirror. Catching on how he was fidgeting with his phone.

“Didn’t get to sleep, so kind of worried but excited, you know?”

“Man, you should ask for one of those sleep masks at the plane”, Yugyeom chimed in, “you'll have the best sleep ever, I swear.“

“What makes you think I haven't slept on a plane before?”

And he actually did sleep. Twice. The only flight he could find on such short notice had a layover, he didn't have to wait much, so he didn't mind it at all. He fell asleep once again on the second flight and woke up more excited than ever.

He really was dying to see you, and suddenly felt like it had been years since he had you in front of him.

As soon as he got out of the airport, he searched for the nearest store to buy what you had mentioned to him. The rum and coke that sparked his trip.

Now it was time to call you. He didn't want to lose any more time and simply tapped on your contact.

Nothing felt off to you. Jungkook had already told you he would be calling today. It was a bit earlier than you had expected, you were just arriving at your place, and you hadn't even got the chance to get out of your clothes. Still, of course, you answered him at the second ring.

“hello? who is this?” you asked before he could speak.

Him, quickly catching onto you, “hello this is your Uber speaking, I'm currently outside.”

You were bad at this, you couldn't continue joking with him even if your life depended on it. All you ever did was laugh as soon as any word came out of his mouth. Just like you did now.

“I thought you were gonna call later, and that it was going to be on FaceTime if I recall?” You asked while you put your phone on speaker. Soon, you started undressing to get out of your work clothes.

“Yeah about that…” he sounded unsure on how to continue his words and after a loud sigh, he simply uttered, “I just flew 8 hours to come see you.”

Huh?

His words left you standing in your underwear, asking yourself if you heard him right. Your heart didn't even know if it should get excited or scared.

Jungkook called your name. A good minute had passed without a sound being heard from your side of the line. He laughed and added, “I’d really like to say that I am outside right now, so I need you to text me your address, alright?”

You were still confused, but finally blurted an “okay”.

You heard his laugh again. He was endeared by the way you were acting, your little to no words were making his heart skip a beat.

For you, hearing him laugh like that at you, made your cheeks turn pink. And when he told you “I’ll see you in a few minutes then, and calm down it's just me”, it made you mentally slap yourself, he wasn't meant to notice how he caught you off guard.

“Text me when you're here” was how you ended the call and proceeded to send him your address.

Well, how are you not going to be caught off guard when he says he's at the same geographic point as you???? When just a few hours ago he was at your hometown or so you thought?? When even a few minutes ago, you still believed he was just calling you? BUT NOW HE’S ON HIS WAY TO YOUR PLACE?? AND YOU’RE GOING TO SEE HIS FACE AFTER WHAT FEELS LIKE YEARS?

You were still in your underwear with all these thoughts running through your mind. You had no business blowing this out of proportion. Jungkook was right, it was just him.

And it hasn't been years, easily it's been a little bit more than three months. Three months that you haven't seen the person you’ve liked for over a year, but that you recently came to terms with. Nothing more.

You pulled yourself together and quickly dressed up. You also managed to clean your place up a bit, already assuming that Jungkook would stay. More like wanting him to stay with you.

His text came too soon, you were still mentally preparing yourself to see him when you were replying that you were coming downstairs to get him.

Once he got his eyes on you, he proved to himself how much he had missed you. In his eyes, you looked even better than before. Like an even freer version of yourself. Living on your own and doing your own thing suited you so well, and he felt something swell up in his chest.

You wore a beaming smile on your face, one that was just for him. You could swear he got even taller. His hair was definitely longer, and it was a look that had you daydreaming about running your hands through it.

There was just fondness behind the eyes of both of you. And both were terribly awkward about it. One couldn't even tell you were friends from the way you were acting around each other.

Both managed to giggle a bit. Jungkook’s coolness, absolutely gone the moment he put a step into your personal space. But now you were positive you could be excited, having him next to you made your soul know that something had come back into place.

You walked back to your apartment, your heart frantically beating and your head unable to imagine how you came into this exact situation.

Jungkook started to feel a little nervous around you, not necessarily a bad feeling, but his body kind of forgot how it felt to be with you. He just liked you too much to ever admit it to someone else, let alone admit it to his own heart.

You let him into your place and asked him to get comfortable, it didn’t leave your mind when he said he flew 8 hours to get here. You went to get him a glass of water, while he left his backpack in some corner of your living room. Then he placed a brown paper bag on your coffee table before he sat on your couch.

To you, the situation felt like it came straight out of your dreams. To be fair, this was one of the most romantic things someone has done for you. You started zoning out in the kitchen for a bit, soon to be brought back to earth when you heard Jungkook’s tired sigh.

You came back to the image of him pushing his hair back while his eyes were closed, and you almost tripped on the carpet. When he heard you back, he sat straight again and reached for the glass that was in your hand. “Thought you were going to bring out the good stuff.”

You chuckled at that and sat on the armchair next to him. “Kookie, I really don’t mean to sound rude, but what made you come here?” You said with an airy laugh, trying not to lose your smile to make him answer you. He left his water on the coffee table next to the bag, which you hadn’t noticed until now.

He had a smug expression on his face and signaled you with his eyes to grab said bag. It certainly had your curiosity, so you got up to see the contents of what he had brought. You still had your smile on you, which quickly broke into a laugh as soon as you saw what it was. You playfully hit his leg, and his face seemed pleased about your reaction.

“What?! You said that you wanted one!”

“Well yeah, but I didn’t think you’d come all this way for that!”, “i’m glad you’re here though, I was really looking forward to drinking with you tonight.”

Jungkook thought it was great that you didn’t put much thought into what he did. Because he clearly hadn’t come here just to bring you something you could have bought yourself. It even made him feel at ease that you could spend some time as friends. Restating that there were no other intentions for him besides seeing you.

The night went by fast, he made you the drink you had been longing for the past week, and then you switched to the beers you had in your fridge. All those hours were spent talking and talking. One would think that you had already told him everything about your life here, but you didn’t even know how there were more and more things to talk about. Ultimately, you ended up gossiping about both of your friend groups. Both of you only knew them by name, so it was all on good intentions. This was thanks to the alcohol you had just downed and the fact that you were in your little bubble, far away from everyone you knew.

And basically, that’s how you spent the whole weekend with him. Never-ending talks while you visited all the spots filled with tourists. Every meal, snack, and drink was shared with Jungkook. As if time had brought you back a few years ago. But it had this different feel to it. Something that you couldn’t accurately pinpoint.

Could it be the fact that you were older now? Or that you didn’t want to let him go after spending the past days together? Maybe you didn’t want to hide your feelings for him any longer.

You knew he eventually had to go. But Sunday came much too fast for your liking. And Jungkook was also upset. Upset that he had to go back to his reality far away from you.

You hugged him for the first time in three days. Somehow, both didn’t realize that there had been no physical contact between you until now. And he hugged you back. His discontent about leaving, melting away in your arms. A moment where just the two of you existed. You softly said to him, “thank you for coming all your way here, I never imagined you would do this.”

He stayed silent and preferred to keep holding you, he was afraid he would end up doing something else if he looked at you in the eye.

“I’d like for you to come back again sometime, but I’ll be back home before you know it.” You broke the hug at that and gave him a feeble smile.

“You promise?” he raised his brow and put his hands in his pockets.

You rolled your eyes at him and assured him that you would return soon. You said your goodbyes and urged him to leave before his plane took off. “Please text me when you land home, Kookie.”

Jungkook ended up way more confused about his feelings when he returned home. He still thought about you all day, just like he did before he went to see you. But now it felt borderline obsessive. You consumed his every thought, and he started thinking that he couldn’t handle it.

How did you end up not talking with him anymore?

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Back to first semester at college, that’s when he met Mai.

They were such good friends for years that not even Jaehyun nor Yugyeom, and most definitely not you, noticed that they had been friends with benefits since you were all first years.

Mai has always been sweet. Almost overwhelmingly full of energy. You were aware she and Jungkook knew each other, but never did they make it seem that they were more than friends.

You had the chance to meet her when you shared some marketing classes once. And one day, you ended partnering up for a final project, who would’ve thought that she’d become one of your closest friends since then.

You loved talking to her. It was one of those really good friendships where you feel like you’ve known each other for years. You hadn’t been able to form a relationship like this with someone else from college, so you made sure you talked every minute you had together.

One day, after your classes had ended, both decided to go for some coffee.

That afternoon, she told you all about her past relationships, and you did the same. You understood each other so well as if you had been living the same life, but there was this particular story about someone from campus. Someone whom she referred to as her ‘fuckboy’.

She never wanted to tell you their name because she said that you knew them. And to be completely honest, you weren’t dying to know who this ‘mysterious fuckboy’ was. Your mind was somewhere else in that period of your life.

Once you were gone for your internship, all your friends from college kind of drifted away, except for Jungkook, obviously.

But for him, it was different. At least it had been different with Mai. She was still there for him. She’d always been openly in love with him.

So, their thing never ended. Not even when he just came back from seeing you. He still kept looking for her. Called her every other night when he was longing for someone he couldn’t have. In his mind, a relationship with you wasn’t something that could happen. He wasn’t in love with Mai, but she was all he had.

He was so sure that he could never have you, even though you’ve never done anything for him to think that way. His brain couldn’t amount to believe that he could be in a relationship with his perfect friend, so he had settled with having you as that. His best friend, who knew almost everything about him. Everything, but the fact that he liked you a little too much.

To him, that was the only way he could have you in his life.

Even after the remaining six months of your internship, you still felt the same way about Jungkook.

You wanted to feel excited about coming back and seeing him again, but ever since he visited you, you felt him switch. He started keeping many things to himself. His replies came hours later. He was no longer asking you about your day. He just felt off. And for your well-being, you wanted to assume he was having a rough time at work.

When you were finally back in town, Olivia and Van went to pick you up at the airport. Days ahead, you had planned a little get-together at a restaurant with your friends, just so you could quickly catch up with them. You had missed being with the people you loved. And as one would expect, Jungkook was one of those people.

When you let him know about your plan, he bluntly replied, “Sure, I’ll be there.”

Aside from those three, you invited a few more friends, one of them being Mai, too of course. To your surprise, she was the first one who arrived at the restaurant, and she gave you one of the most effusive and affectionate welcomes you could have expected from someone.

It made you happy to see her again after graduating, you didn’t talk much all these months, but the friendship was still there, and you loved that. You introduced her to Olivia and Van for the first time, and all of you started chatting about your return.

After a while, Mai and you turned to talk to each other, while Van and Olivia talked about who knows what.

Minutes were still passing and there was no sign of Jungkook, so, you excused yourself and went out of the restaurant to give him a call. No answer.

You let a few minutes pass and tapped his name again. This time he picked up.

“hey you” you gently greeted him. And just with that, you made him feel weak. Weak for you.

There was no way he could reply rudely to you. To someone who made him feel that way with just their voice.

“hey there stranger.” He said while pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling dumb for not knowing how to talk to you all of a sudden.

“By any chance, do you remember if you had something to do today?” you started telling him in a teasing tone.

He let the silence take over the call.

You were confused, and a little anxious that he was acting this way. Yet, you still tried to reassure him. “hey if you’re worried about meeting my friends, you don’t have to talk to them…”, “Mai is here too if that helps in some way!” Not even knowing if that was the case.

Your friends were never the problem. And of course, he knew, there was no way that he would forget that you were back. That you were finally on the same time zone as him. But he also knew that Mai was going to be there. She had asked him if he was going to show up. And he wasn’t sure that he wanted to do that. He felt somewhat guilty about it all.

Although, to the onlookers, which included you, Mai, literally everyone; there was nothing wrong with the situation.

He apologetically mumbled your name and replied, “It’s not that, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it”, “I’m really sorry.”

Trying to find out why he wouldn’t go was pointless. You wanted to avoid interrogating him, so you simply accepted his words. You were sad, yes, but you thought that now that you were in town, it would be easier to plan something and go out with him any other time. “Don’t be silly Jungkookie, there’s nothing to be sorry about, we can go out another day!”

He chuckled at your attempt to sound bright, and he felt even worse. There was nothing that he wanted to do more but to see you. Yet, his head was battling with his poor heart.

“We can talk later, okay? Have fun with your friends, please.” And then he hung up.

You were dumbstruck at that, but made your way to enter the restaurant again.

Olivia was the only one that saw your face as you were walking to the table; and somehow she knew it was something that she couldn’t ask right at this moment. Her eyes remained on you, slightly worried about how you were feeling.

You didn’t want them asking what happened or who’d you talked to. There was no need to feel upset or down when you just wanted to enjoy being with your friends. You could perfectly mope a little when you got home.

Now, while your plates were empty and with more drinks on their way, all of you started talking again. This time, it was Mai’s turn to update you about her life. Everything started well, she told you her niece was born a few weeks ago. You stayed on the baby topic for a while, just for her to change it up to her new job. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then suddenly, she dropped a bomb. A landmine of some sort.

“god i’ve been dying to tell you this”, she paused, not knowing how to string together the piece of information. “okay so, you remember that I told you I had a ‘fuckboy’, right?”

You were even excited to hear about it. To you, it was just some juicy detail about her life. Idle talk. So, you nodded at her, your anticipation on an all-time high.

“i’m actually relieved he didn’t come because i was looking forward to talking to you about this!”

He? You didn’t invite many guys. The others weren’t here yet, and the only one that knew Mai was. Oh…

“ it’s Jungkook!!! there i said it” It came as a soft shout, and she immediately kept talking about everything that has happened with them lately.

There hasn’t been a time when you turned your eyes so fast to look at Olivia. Both of you shared a look that lasted a millisecond. You were able to tell her, “ARE YOU LISTENING WHAT I’M LISTENING?????” without uttering a single word.

It’s obvious to mention the fact that Olivia knew how you felt about Jungkook. Someone had to know about the little crush you had on your friend. She knew every thought that has ever crossed your mind about the ‘bond’ you had with Jungkook. So, to be hearing what your other friend was saying about the relationship she had with him, was a shock. Olivia couldn’t even begin to imagine what you must be thinking.

First, it felt like something shattered inside you. You’re not sure if you heard a glass breaking in the restaurant, or if it was just your heart. But there was no time to feel something else. You had to collect yourself because you couldn’t let Mai see you wearing your heart on your sleeve. You had to act like everything was alright and shifted your resentment into excitement. Putting on the act that you were surprised about this piece of information.

She ended up telling you that they were still seeing each other. Most importantly, that he was the one who always called her. Inviting her to stay the night every so often.

Suddenly, you got the whole picture. You came to realize that they’ve been together all along, even before you met him, and that they’ve had this thing going on for about 4 years AND still counting.

All you could think was, “We’re friends, being involved with Jungkook is not okay, at all.”

You were truly pissed, even though it wasn't your place nor your right, to get mad about this simply because, he can do whatever he wants.

You've never been in a relationship whatsoever, he didn't owe you anything, but you were still hurt.

What if you got everything wrong, and he just sees you as a really good friend? And now, how could you let anything happen between the two of you? How, when Mai told you all that’s happened between them?

Everything that happened after that conversation, was a blur.

You vaguely remember which ones of your other friends arrived, let alone at what time or what you spoke with them.

Thankfully, no one noticed your mind had you on autopilot in some way. But now you wanted to run away from there. It had been too much for you.

When all of your friends wanted to jump into another bar nearby, you apologized and gave them the first excuse that came to your mind.

”You should go!” — “i’m starting to get tired from the flight actually, i didn’t really sleep much last night because i was eager to get here so…” you stated with a soft laugh.

“Oh my god, you’re right! i forgot you came here straight from the airport!”

“Aaw babe, you should go home and get a really good sleep”

You took out your wallet to leave them part of the bill, but everyone stopped you and Van spoke, “it’s our treat, don’t even worry about it, we’re here to take care of everything for you, we missed you.”

All of them insisted, and even one of them chimed, “you’ll pay for all of us next time, so don’t think this will happen again.”

Everyone broke out in a laugh at that, and you gave up on trying to leave them money. After that, you got up to individually hug them while telling them goodbye.

You loved your friends, but honestly, this was taking too long. You tried to keep your words to a minimum, hoping they would catch on to your tired self. In the end, you raised your voice so all of them could hear that you were more than grateful that they came to see you and that you were feeling happy thanks to them. Which was partly true, but some things were occupying your head, thus making it hard for you to focus on the people you were supposed to be valuing the most.

Olivia, who was now next to you, whispered, “want me to take you home?”

And you shook your head. She brought her hand to your cheek and both wore a dim smile on your faces. Your best friend, understanding your need to be on your head for now. “i’ll be there in the morning then.” You closed your eyes and nodded at her, accepting her company, knowing you would need someone to talk with about what you found out tonight.

With that, you waved at your friends for the last time and got out of the restaurant.

You waited for a taxi for what seemed like forever. Everything and everyone, always taking too long, exactly when you need to get away from the world. Squeezing your eyes shut, you softly spoke, “please, i just want to get home.”

And the universe did listen. A woman pulled up right in front of you, and you felt relieved.

“Where to honey?” You gave her your address and she nodded once. “Got it.”

On the way home, as you looked out of the window, you started feeling numb. You let out a heavy sigh and your driver asks, “heading home hun?”

“yeah, it’s been a really long day” and you threw your head back on the seat. She noticed your voice was taut. She didn’t voice her concern, instead, she tried to comfort you, saying that you were just a few minutes away.

“Thank you so much”, as she was speeding a bit more, she answered with the same friendly smile she had when you hopped into the taxi.

Looking out the window once again, you started feeling at home. Your building now in front of you and the woman gently lets you know you had indeed arrived.

You paused your movements, your body no longer in sync with your impatience to enter your place. Managing a tight-lipped smile, you blinked yourself back to your surroundings. Finally, you took your wallet out and handed your god-sent driver the cash you owed her and made her keep the change at the premise of swiftly making you get home.

She looked at you through the mirror. “Thank you honey”, “and also i want to say, whatever’s making you heavy, just sleep on it and i’m sure you’ll know what to do in the morning.”

As you were gathering your bags and making your way out, she says, “take care, alright?”

“You too”, “thank you so much once again, i mean it, have a good night.”

The darkness of your place washes over you once you’re inside.

You left your bags and suitcase at the door and turned a lamp on your way to your bedroom. As you were walking, you made a mental note to thank your brother tomorrow for keeping your apartment this nice and clean. Something less on your list to worry about.

You finally got into the comfort of your room and felt that the only way to get on your bed was to throw yourself face down on it.

After a while, you turned to face the ceiling for a few minutes. You were tired, but there was no sign of you actually wanting to sleep. It was an emotional weariness. An exhaustion you did not know how to get rid of. But it surely would not go away with a nap.

You leaned back on your elbows, and suddenly the emptiness of your room made you feel strange. There were little to few clothes hanging in your closet. Your desk with no sign of you either.

You knew that you had taken most of your things with you when you left, and that you put away the rest of them.

But you didn’t consider that the lack of life in your room would make you feel worse. As if you didn’t exist.

“what the hell”

You knew you had to calm down. There was literally nothing you could do about Jungkook and Mai.

Talking to yourself was the only option now.

“I doubt that the right thing to do is act upon my feelings”, “i can’t be the person that dismisses the feelings of my friend just because i wanna act on mine.”

“And why am i getting ahead of myself? What if he’s not even remotely interested in me?”

You brought your hands to your face and groaned at your thoughts. It was way more uncomfortable hearing yourself say these things out loud than you thought.

“who knows, maybe something will happen in another life”, “if i’m lucky, later in this one.”

You were so annoyed, your eyes were still closed, and whined a small ‘i don’t know'.

“I don’t know if i should simply let go right now or try something. Maybe i’m not ready for a relationship despite how I feel, but when would be the right time? There’s no such thing as that. I can’t leave it in the hands of time, i know i should do something because if i don’t, i’m gonna regret it for years, so what’s stopping me?”

While contemplating your last question, you fell asleep.

The next day, you decided to stop talking to Jungkook altogether. there would be no action directed at him anymore. didn’t search for him again, so your chat abruptly died.

He didn’t look for you either after, so you were sure you did the right thing.

Months passed, and occasionally, you’d see Mai’s Instagram stories just to be hit with the fact that they were still going out?, not knowing if they were officially together was unnerving. it was the first time you wanted to know something so bad just to have some sense of peace of mind.

Olivia heard your complaints every time you saw they went out or were at his apartment. and especially when Mai would post pictures of him playing the guitar.

Once in a while you would see how you left your conversation and hate Jungkook’s existence a little, but then you’d get further up on your texts and see how he made you laugh and how constantly you told each other ‘i miss you’, ‘i want to see you’ and even the simple ‘love you’s’ within your goodbyes.

One day, you were at your desk, wrapping up something you had been working on, but you didn’t get up from the chair. The need to write a letter to Jungkook came over you, and you immediately tore off a blank page of your journal.

“I don’t know if you wonder why I stopped talking to you, but I feel like I’m ready to explain myself. Also, I want to start by saying that I’m genuinely sorry and this isn’t an excuse for ghosting you. I want you to know that when I distanced myself from you, it was because I thought that drifting away was my only choice. I was having a really hard time with my emotions and to be completely honest, the only way I know how to deal with my feelings is to disappear. It took me so long to overcome my anger towards you and how you made me feel. You’ve always been my friend, so when I finally accepted how I felt about you… I found out about so many things that got me confused and made me realize how messy everything was. I’ve never told anyone that I’m actually dying to talk to you because I don’t know anything about you anymore, I’ve been in the dark about your life for so long that I don’t know if you’d want me back in your life after what happened. Not only that, but I’ve never thought that acting on my feelings was the right thing to do because I can’t ignore what I know. I felt selfish and dumb for being unreasonably optimistic, I dare say even hopeful that something would happen between us. But after all, I want you to know that I’ve never stopped caring about you. You’re so important to me.”

You never sent it, of course. Yet, the act of writing what you had on your chest, helped you more than you thought. The idea of Jungkook and your emotional distress started to lose their depth after that. A rush of calmness washing over you for once.

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Today was one of your best friends' birthday, Gigi’s birthday.

There was nothing out of the ordinary going on for you this particular day. You got up, cooked something, did laundry for a bit, went to pick up the cake you bought for your friend, got back home and started cleaning the mess you’d left in the kitchen, wasted some time on your phone, and then you started getting ready.

If you had known you were gonna take this long to find an outfit, you would’ve started HOURS ago, but thanks to your poor time management, you were now running an hour late.

You hadn’t actually met Gigi’s friends before, so you struggled a bit with your awkwardness. Everyone at the table was already eating when you arrived, so you had to wait until another one of her friends got there to order something. You were relieved that you weren’t the last person to show up.

An hour later, your phone screen lighted up with a notification. Someone unknown was trying to send you a message through Instagram. You quickly dismissed it, thinking it was one of those spam accounts, but then the same person contacted you through Facebook too, so now you were curious and went ahead to reply.

You thought that, whoever sent them, didn’t really know you.

For starters, you don’t like flowers.

Second, why would they send them anonymously? It was fucking creepy, to say the least.

You felt it was a really shady because who actually knew your address well enough to send flowers? You were thankful that you weren’t home because you would’ve pissed yourself.

But on second thought, it had to be someone that you knew. Someone who has taken you home before, but who?

You can’t get out of your head that if they thought it would be this big-ass romantic gesture, it wasn’t.

Also, the note had you racking your brain, there was simply no context to it.

’Bouquet of flowers that goes well with a soul made of colors’

No one that you know has ever told you ‘your soul was made of colors’ before.

Gigi said, “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that it isn’t true, you’re the light of my life, but, i really don’t understand? like, give me some context.” Your friend getting annoyed with a piece of paper.

There was just no way to recognize that verbiage. That incidentally sounded very cliché too.

You knew the flowers weren’t at fault, they were cute, but you couldn’t help but look at them with dislike?

You never thought of asking who sent them, you kept it to yourself in hope that, that someone, would reach out and ask, “did you get my flowers?”, but that text never came.

Not only that, but you wanted to believe they came from the one person you missed the most. But you wouldn’t even dare to mention his name every time one of your friends asked, “who do you think sent them?”

The following days, every time you would glance at the flowers while you were cleaning, you’d spend a good number of minutes just asking yourself the same questions over and over again.

One day, you even sat on the table looking at them with your chin on your hand, brows furrowed, not knowing who had sent this to you. It wouldn’t stop being a big question mark to you.

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Jungkook never reached out to you about the flowers. He had never done something like that for someone, so, he didn’t know what to do after they told him they had delivered them to you. When he thought about it, he was sure you’d know he was the one who bought them for you. He wanted you to know that he was sorry and that he was thinking about you still.

Sorry that everything turned out an absolute mess. But he didn’t want you to think about the negative side of it all. That’s why he came up with that poetic little line. Always in love with how you’d dye your hair different colors without a care in the world. To him, it was a reflection of your soul. Dying to be seen by everyone.

His mistake was that he never mentioned any of that to you. That’s why he never got a text from you. His hope for talking to you again, soon gone.

He wanted you back in his life. He felt miserable without seeing you. You two were in the same town, but if felt like you were miles away from him once again.

It was hurting him more than any other breakup he had experienced before. He saw how you just disappeared from his life. You were like a faint ghost, yet when you gave signs of life in your account, he saw how happy you seemed, just living life. Always with your friends and as pretty as ever.

He didn’t know what to do after he left things with Mai. He never told her why they couldn’t see each other anymore. She would rather not hear that he was in love with someone else. Because after all those years with him, she already knew that.

Mai would have wanted to ask him to stay with her at that moment. But she knew that she’d be prolonging his resistance. Conspiring with his discomfort. Jungkook has been already ‘gone’ for a year, at least. So, she preferred her words stay with her.

No matter how many years Mai had been expecting this talk, she never wanted to be ready for it. All she could muster up saying was, “let’s hope you don’t regret this.” All the hurt from her heart poured into those words.

Jungkook didn’t want to feel guilty anymore. He had the vague idea that you knew what was going on between them, but Mai didn’t know how he felt about you. And that made him decide he didn’t want to deprive you of the affection Mai felt towards you.

“I don’t think I will.”

He was tired of feeling like he’d handled everything in the worst way.

Jungkook felt lost and slightly confused. He wished he knew how to stop thinking about you. He felt like he was missing a piece of his soul. Definitely missing his peace of mind.

He remembered the last words you exchanged in that phone call and felt knots in his stomach. Wishing he had done something different. Hell, even said something different.

What have they done to me?

What have I done to myself?

There’s no point in wishing something else, it won’t change what had already happened.

Jungkook couldn’t deny anymore that he’d been feeling your absence in his core. Not quite sure what he’s supposed to do next, but, remembering your eyes and the way you smiled never failed to make him get annoyed at himself for having all these details about you, carved into his head. The notes of your voice and your laugh still playing in his head.

He promised himself then and there, that he’d try everything in him, to get you back.

He would stop denying the love he felt for you. Stop denying himself of being truly happy with the person who understood everything that he was. Only after messing up, he realized that he never should have run away before giving himself the chance to let you know how he truly felt.

A few weeks passed until he ended up building his courage to talk to you. Also pondering which way would be the best to reach you.

Just like that, all those months without talking to each other came to an end.

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It was February.

You woke up to get ready for work. Without opening your eyes, your hand reached to grab your phone and turn off the alarm. An eye open now, you scrolled through the multiple notifications from different apps. Next thing you knew, you had a text from someone. Someone you didn’t expect, at all.

Jungkook

“today is a perfect day to be happy”

That text, single-handedly, made you get out of bed.

What was the reason for that? You haven’t talked in months.

Why did he reach out to you today? On Friday? Out of all days?

You knew he was joking with what he said. It was something your mom would send. He always chose not to be serious, so it kind of made you laugh. Knowing he hasn’t changed after all.

That text, had you confused all day. Should I reply? Do I want to reply? What can I say to that?

You hadn’t been able to focus on your work all day. You were slower and kept spacing out a lot. Not one of your coworkers had seen you like this, they were even unsure if they should ask you what was going on. And thankfully so, they never asked because how would you explain that?

The friend I was in love with and mind you, I never knew that he was fucking with one of our friends for 4 years, just texted me this morning after us not talking for months.

Luckily, despite how you felt, the day went by fairly quick.

Once you were home, you decided to follow his game. You answered, “why”.

The conversation kept a casual note. You just talked about work and all you’ve been doing lately. Before you knew it, everything felt as if nothing had happened between you. As if the recent blank period hadn’t existed at all.

Valentine’s was coming up this week, and you had zero expectations for it. There was nothing for you to do. All your friends had plans with their partners, so that left you to spend the whole day eating and catching up on your dramas and anime.

You talked on the phone to Olivia the next day, her mostly wanting to talk to you about what she did with Kevin, her boyfriend. And for you to help her what to give as a gift for her upcoming anniversary. But she suddenly brought up Jungkook into the mix.

“what have you been talking about, then? it’s been like a week, right?”

Your laugh came up like you were nervous of talking about him. “mostly work, why?”

She laughed about your response and went straight to the point.

“he didn’t invite you to anything yesterday?” Apparently, it was a laughing fest because that made you chuckle once more.

Then you hummed, thinking about the best way to put yesterday’s situation. “i don’t know if i imagined it or if i wanted to believe that, but i thiiiiiink he was throwing hints about going out.”

“i played dumb though”, “also got me thinking that maybe something happened between him and Mai.”

Your friend couldn’t believe how dense you could get at times. But she didn’t say anything, she simply asked you, “something like what? like they fought or something?”

“not like that, but i don’t know, i’m just making up theories” your giggle coming out once again.

“i saw that she went out with another friend and JK kept telling me that he wanted to go out, but none of his friends wanted to haha.”

“mmmm, he definitely wanted to go out with you. maybe he was hoping you’d take pity on him and end up telling him ‘aw, we should go out then’, I’M SURE OF IT.”

“yea- about that, we kind of already have plans sometime in the next week, hah.”

You heard your friend mumbling something that sounded very much like an ‘oh my god’.

Then she laughed loudly into the speaker. “WHERE ARE YOU PLANNING TO GO, TELL ME EVERYTHING.”

Nervously, you started explaining how the conversation went. “mmmmm, i don’t know yet.”

“he just asked if i was busy next week and i said ‘not that i know of’ and he asked if i wanted to go out and i said yes and THAT’S IT.”

“mmmmm let’s see what happens”, “and listen i didn’t know if i should say it but i thought it was weird that he texted you after all this time, i know that technically you never stopped being friends but, you know, feels kinda sus BUT, who am i to know… just keep me posted about your plans.”

With that, your conversation about Jungkook ended, and you moved onto another subject.

Days were passing and Jungkook actively chose not to tell you where you were going nor at what time you’d see each other. All you knew was that it would be on Saturday.

He’s always been like this.

But that’s exactly what you liked about him. He was always spontaneous. Life felt different with him. Freer. Like nothing could tie you down. Always up to do something new without being scared of the ‘what if’s’.

The weekend came. And it’s been the most nervous you’ve ever been this year. But you could also say that you were excited.

Because it’s been a long time since you’ve seen him.

Your mind refused to think about what happened last year. The memories you had with him before all that, flooded your mind. And it somehow made you hopeful. Hopefully, maybe nothing has changed between you, and maybe, just maybe… you could carry on with how things were on that weekend you spent together.

All you could think about was how you felt back then. How happy you were when you saw him at the entrance of your building. How attracted you felt to him. How your heart jumped when you heard his voice in person once again.

You were hoping that, all that happened one more time, today.

When you finally arrived at the restaurant, he told you, he was already there waiting. His eyes were searching for you incessantly, that when they found you, the weight of the past few days, weeks, months was lifted off his shoulders.

It was the same thing all over again. Both of you were awkward enough to act like you’ve never met before. Afraid of giving each other a hug after all this time.

Once you were past that, you started talking like you always have. The same friends from 5 years ago. Sharing laughs over something one of your friends did. Telling the other how someone from work got you frustrated, complaining about it, like you were talking about homework or a school project.

He had seemed to be doing well at his work. He sounded happy talking about it. But the conversation eventually came back to talk about the dream he’s had since forever. Thrilled just by contemplating going some place far away and live off music on his own. Kind of lonely if someone asked you.

What you didn’t know is that he has never talked about that with anyone but you. He always felt comforted telling you about everything that was on his mind because you never questioned his feelings, you always supported him in what he thought he wanted.

While you talked, Jungkook started thinking deeply. How did someone like them came into my life?

In his mind, it was very present how he managed to lose you once. He wanted to imagine how you felt when you grew apart these months thanks to him. Had you been angry? Sad? Did you hate him?

But none of that mattered anymore. While looking at you, he didn’t see any trace of resentment or hatred. He knew how you were towards people you didn’t like, and he felt like he wasn’t part of them and felt relieved.

A few beers later and you still weren’t drunk. Nor tipsy.

Unconsciously, or possibly, ignoring on purpose that you were feeling a bit on edge with this situation.

It wasn’t that late, but a sudden shift in you made you want to leave. Jungkook hadn’t done anything wrong, but your gut was telling you something and your head didn’t want to ignore it despite not understanding.

“i have to head off now, Kook, it’s getting late for me.”

“ah, don’t say that, i was about to ask you if you wanted to come home and have some shots.”

Your stomach twisted at those words. Were you disgusted at that? Was it your nerves? They weren’t butterflies fluttering, for sure.

In the attempt to not turn things awkward, you pretended to be surprised and asked him what kind of shots.

“i think i just have tequila right now, haha”

You playfully looked at him with narrowed eyes as if you were considering going along with his plan, when in fact you just wanted to run from there.

A single glance to your phone and you declined his offer. “i really need to go now haha, i’d like to but maybe next week or something? what do you say?”

Jungkook naively smiled at that and nodded. “sure, we can do that, just tell me when you’re gonna be free.”

You got closer to him to give him a kiss on his cheek and part ways. While walking away, he half-shouted “tell me when you get home!” which you responded by waving at him.

On your way home, something felt off to you. And it was really hard to shake off that feeling. Everyone always says you need to trust your gut, your instincts, intuition, or whatever. But no one tells you how to navigate through those things, those emotions that seem to be overpowering your thoughts.

You didn’t know for sure what Jungkook’s plan entailed. Maybe you were getting ahead of yourself, already anticipating an outcome you didn’t like. Countless “what-ifs” flash through your mind, and every single one leads you to him trying to have sex with you.

For the second time tonight, you felt uneasy, your stomach twisting uncomfortably.

His words repeating in your head.

ask you if you wanted to come home and have some shots

Why weren’t you trusting him? It genuinely made you believe he wanted more. You were starting to feel a little disappointed in yourself for having those thoughts.

It’s always been the two of you. Many times you’ve spent time with him alone. But some lines were never crossed. Not even when he slept at your place a year ago.

Somehow, him taking you to his home, changed everything.

Were you going insane? After all, he’s a man, why else would he invite you back to his place so soon? And just to have a few drinks? You were sure his vibe was somewhere else, and the last thing you wanted was to complicate things after him coming back to your life.

Tonight you were able to realize that things change and nothing can come back and be how it was. You were excited, and you thought you would feel a million pretty things to be exact, but that wasn’t the case, maybe your expectations were a little too high.

Being able to experience this was definitely something, kind of eye-opening, so you could know that you have no control over love.

As you were thinking that, a text, from someone who refused to let go of you (it was mutual to be perfectly honest), lighted up your phone screen.

Yoongi.

He always appears at the worst best times. Just like that first night, when you decided to go out by yourself to a bar in a city where you didn’t know anybody, thanks to Jungkook messing with your feelings.

Your gazes found each other in the crowded room; the spark of attraction ignited. You talked, danced, laughed, shared a few drinks, a joke and, before you knew it, he said: "your place or mine?". Neither of you were looking for a serious relationship but somehow one night turned into a week, then a month and here we are, a year and a half later.

Things with Yoongi were easy. Your talks were funny and cute, you felt at ease around him, like you had known each other since forever.

But all he was, was your something. And both of you were perfectly good with that.

In one of your many nights together, you told him you lived in another state. “i figured.”

“it would be too much for this poor city if we could actually be together.”

You laughed and followed up his thought, “we could end up being a public menace with the way we’re always all over each other.”

You were curled up against him, and he was rubbing your arm.

“Do you already know when you’re leaving?”

You pursed your lips and told him, “mmm i still have like six more months.”

He seemed to think it over. But he already knew what he wanted to do before his words came out.

“Well, i don’t know about you, but i’m not letting you run away from me that easily”, he paused. “would you like if I went to see you once in a while?”

All you could do was smile. You wanted to toy with him or say something witty, but your head quickly decided to eagerly nod at Yoongi.

“Are you serious? You would do that?”

The look you had in your eyes made him giggle. “well, obviously, I’d rather not stop seeing the person whom I can’t seem to get my hands off.”

“Plus, i don’t want to forget how your tongue tastes in my mouth.”

“We can’t let that happen, right, baby?”

The hand, he had on your arm, had now moved onto your thigh. The air in his room no longer felt cold. And the way he called you baby, had you breathing embarrassingly heavier.

With his other hand, he grabbed the right side of your face and took his time inspecting it. He knew exactly what he was doing to you, and it just made him crave you more.

When he finally kissed you, you moaned. The tension he built up made you needy for him. Adding the fact that, just minutes ago, this man had told you he wanted to keep seeing you, the distance not fazing him at all.

“Did you just moan?”, “how are you so shameless?” He said while smirking. Clearly satisfied with your reaction.

You hid your face in his chest and mumbled, “it’s your fault, shut up.”

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Amazingly so, no one knew about that thing you had with Yoongi. He was your precious little secret and well, it was kinda hard to explain what you were doing. There was no reason to talk about him since you weren’t living in the same town.

It didn’t mean that he wasn’t part of your life though, he was actually very present in your day-to-day.

Even though you both were overwhelmed with work, you made time for each other almost every night, even if it was just an hour.

In this time apart, you actually got to know each other even more than you thought, and your head started thinking about him way more than before.

You already knew he was an audio engineer, but until now, he told you how much he enjoys being in concerts and festivals. That his job makes him travel a lot, but it’s not as fun as you would think.

After finding out you had similar taste in music and that you loved being in that environment, he started inviting you to countless concerts. Concert invites turned to visits to your hometown, and those visits turned to promises of traveling together some place else.

This time around, Yoongi had you excited about life.

Your daydreaming started to include him.

And soon, you began to feel confused. This was the first time in your life that you had been talking to two guys.

Last year, you wouldn’t have imagined you’d feel this way about Yoongi. Just until now, you understood what ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ really meant.

Maybe you never saw it as something potentially romantic because your heart was still set on Jungkook at the time.

But situations change. And it’s more than possible for one to feel different about someone because nothing’s the same anymore. It’s not because people change, essentially we do, but it’s mostly because something made us think differently. You opened your eyes. And there’s no way to fix that, you just have to let it happen.

Even though you took some time apart from seeing Jungkook, you still talked to him. You just needed time to sort out your thoughts about that last time you saw him.

You still like him very much so, and your newly found confusion about what to feel for Yoongi, made you want to search for Jungkook again.

You were sure you were doing something wrong. Nothing was set in stone, but that didn’t stop you from feeling guilty about it.

Exactly when that guilt was running through your mind, Yoongi texted you.

“i miss you, i’ve been thinking about you all week”

“i’m going to be there next month for a few weeks, so don’t make any plans”

“can’t believe i didn’t know i was one of those people that catch a 6-hour flight just for some kisses”

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There are days when things happen too quickly. Things you never planned.

You had a couple of days when you just wanted space. Maybe it was because you haven’t allowed yourself some time to process the past rollercoaster of emotions you got yourself into.

But that’s all you wanted, a few days to have some time alone, to recharge, before Yoongi arrived next week.

You’ve been doing this for years, and people were always concerned with you when you disappeared for a few days. You really wish you could follow the same advice you give to your friends.

“Don’t run away when things are hard, your friends are here for you.”

“Don’t drift away from me.”

But that’s all you’ve ever known, dealing with yourself on your own. You’re aware that it may not be healthy, but when you’re alone, you try to overcome your problems, feelings, or whatever’s bothering you. How can a little time to self-reflect be wrong?

This time, Olivia and Van exaggerated a bit. It had been like four days you hadn’t talked or texted anyone and their mind went to think the worst had happened to you. What ticked you off, was that four days had to pass before they checked on you, but whatever.

Turns out that Olivia and Van reached out to you because Olivia’s birthday was coming up on Monday, and they wanted to know if you were going out with them on Saturday.

obviously, yes, what kind of friend do you think I am???

Saturday came, and you never imagined this day would turn out like this.

First. You had been with Olivia since early in the morning. Breakfast was nice cause you were able to catch up on everything that happened since you last saw each other. Later, you decided to go get your nails done for tonight, but Olivia’s car died at like 1:00 p.m. Totally out of nowhere.

“Has this happened before?” You asked. “No, never, I really don’t understand why it won’t start.” Olivia started getting nervous because she didn’t have someone who could run to help. Her ex wouldn’t even answer her, and everyone else was far from where you were.

And you thought life wanted to have some fun because maybe it was a coincidence that Jungkook’s work was nearby, and he was just getting off. Really JUST a coincidence. “Don’t worry, actually I think Jungkookie can come to help us, just let me ask him.”

But tell me, why are you nervous to call him? It’s just him.

So, you called him to ask for help, and he was a lifesaver in its absolute glory. He arrived in about 15 minutes and got the car started immediately. You didn’t even say hello properly, you just waved at him as soon as you saw his car approaching you.

“He looks nice.” Olivia whispered to you while Jungkook was closing the hood of her car, then said to him, “I can’t believe you got here so fast, my dad or my sister would have got here in at least an hour!”

You could only manage to see their interaction unfold in front of you because you had no words. It’s been years since you were speechless because of someone. You literally couldn’t find the reason for being on edge like this. He giggled and told your friend “well, you’re lucky I work close by and that I got off early today.”

You were leaning against his car now, and it got you even more nervous that you couldn’t see his eyes because he was wearing sunglasses.

Well now you have to say something, now that you’re feeling two pairs of eyes on you.

“How was work today? wasn’t there a lot of traffic on your way here?” You finally spoke, your eyes directed at him, and he just smiled as he heard your voice at last.

It has been more than a month since he last saw you and, currently, he was certain that he had missed you.

“Yeah it was cool, and you know, you can’t escape traffic.” You nodded shyly and Olivia wanted to help you, she hasn’t seen you behave like this in a while.

So, she asked, “Have you eaten already?” and before he could say something she kept explaining, “We’re gonna go eat with my family for my birthday, you can come if you'd like!”

Now it was his turn to be a little uncomfortable at this. He would rather not get in the middle of your plans as much as he wanted to spend time with you, so he declined.

“No, don't worry about it! I’m actually going to see one of my friends to grab something.” You asked him, “Are you sure? I mean, you did us a big favor with her car” And he said almost exclusively to you, “It’s okay y/n, you know you can ask me anything.”

You would be lying if you said you didn't have your body on fire with those words.

But you were still feeling awkward around him, and you just wanted to get into the car again. Olivia took her chance to talk again. “You could cut the tension with a knife in here, right?” She felt an intense glare coming from you and continued, “Well, if you can’t come with us, we should get going y/n.”

You turned your eyes to Jungkook and said, “I guess we’ll see each other another day”. He gave you one of his biggest smiles and replied, “Sure, just tell me when”, “bye Olivia”. You got close to him and hugged him. Almost a whisper, “Thank you for this, I mean it.”

And with that, you got into Olivia’s car and asked her, “Are we really going to go with your family?” She was retouching her makeup a bit, as you were putting your seatbelt on, she let out a weird laugh, “Oh god y/n no, I was just trying to be polite with him, I saw you being weird so… that's why we're ‘eating with my family’” Olivia made quotes in the air, so you could finally understand what she meant.

“Can we go for something to drink? I’m dying for something, coffee, tea, 5 shots of vodka anything please” Olivia laughed again as you told her this. The weather today was really hot, you mentally patted yourself in the back for your outfit choice, you could be ugly sweating if you had chosen something else.

As soon as you got yourselves a bubble tea, you started to calm down and process everything that happened half an hour ago. “Can you please tell me why the fuck I was so shy back there?” Your head now in the dashboard of your friend’s car.

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Evening came, and you honestly just wanted to relax and have some drinks to celebrate your best friend’s birthday. However, the interaction you had earlier with Jungkook would not leave your head.

At the time you arrived to the bar with Olivia, you were feeling somewhat anxious. You wanted Jungkook to be there with you.

You were waiting in the queue until the staff could assign you a table. Van and her boyfriend were the first ones to arrive, so they took the task to adopt you tonight, the reason being that you were the only single person in the group.

I want to invite him.

You’ve been texting all day, but you weren’t sure you could show up with him tonight. You didn’t know who did Olivia invite, and you were worried that it was inappropriate to treat this as if you could invite whoever you wanted.

The first drink arrived. It was very naïve of you to think it would relax you whatsoever. All that alcohol did was make you desperate to have Jungkook right there, next to you.

I really really want to invite him.

Eventually, (like 10 minutes later), you finally asked Olivia if it was okay for you to ask him to come with you. Just after she told you it was totally fine, you thought how dumb it was for you to worry about something like that.

It didn’t take you more than once to ask Jungkook if he wanted to come, he almost ran to you. You could’ve sworn he was ready to be there even before you thought about inviting him.

You weren’t even halfway of your second drink when he called you to say that he had arrived at the bar. In the matter of a few minutes, you no longer were the ‘single’ friend in the group. Now you had your Jungkookie.

There are days when things happen too quickly. Things you never planned.

‘Things’ meaning ‘kissing’.

The thing is, that first kiss you shared, was long overdue.

All your emotions were conveyed in the touch of your lips. From your frustrations, resentments and regrets to your purest ones, as affection in its greatest form and lastly, the burning desire that had just ignited inside both of you.

It all happened on pure instinct. You hadn’t shut up for 5 minutes, and he was hearing you intently, looking straight in your eyes.

Then the urge to kiss was all you could think of. He could no longer focus in what you were saying, and neither did you. why am I talking?

Jungkook’s heart started beating faster. Not because he was nervous, but because your face was so close to his, and he could smell your perfume fused with the alcohol you’ve been drinking. Even though none of you was able to register how fast it happened, it still wasn’t happening fast enough.

For a long time, Jungkook kissed you. He pulled back a little. He was still staring at you, and you stared right back as Jungkook kissed you again, entirely different from the first time.

You blushed at the thought that there were people watching you share this moment. But you were happy. You weren’t confused right now. It just felt right to be here with him.

You didn’t think you’d get to do this in this universe. Kissing your friend whom you had been pining for 2 years.

“I think we should get back.” You shyly told him with a smile.

He returned you his most precious smile and his hand slid down your arm until it reached your hand and intertwined your fingers with his. “Let’s go then.”

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You stayed with your friends through the rest of the night, but you never let go of Jungkook’s hand, and he wasn’t planning on it either.

The night ended when Olivia got much too drunk to stand up on her own. Van and her boyfriend handled the account at the bar, while you and Jungkook took care of taking your best friend home.

He drove you to her home while you stayed in the back seat with Olivia to help her stay conscious in Jungkook’s car.

You got closer to the console and rested your head on the side of the driver’s seat, your hand dying to get a hold of Jungkook again.

“Thank you.” It came as a soft mumble, and suddenly the traffic light turned red.

Jungkook turned his head to see you, and the way you were looking at him caught him off guard.

Your eyes were looking upwards at him, with stars in your eyes, sparks falling on him, and you spoke again, “you’ve saved us twice today.”

His gaze was still fixated on you, he smiled and said, “i already told you, you can ask me anything and i’ll do everything for you.”

The softness in your voices made you think that you would never forget a single detail of this night. All you could do was appreciate how strange and brief the most beautiful moments in life are.

You got to Olivia’s house and Jungkook helped you carry her all the way to her bed. And as much as you may have wanted to stay one more hour with him, you kissed him goodbye. And kissed him again. Then he kissed you. And his hand went behind your neck and pulled you closer to his face, even if it was physically impossible. He wanted to kiss you until one of you couldn’t even breathe anymore.

That feeling. That desire. Where was it coming from?

“I’ve been waiting for the longest time to have you like this.” He spoke to your ear while catching his breath.

“You’re the one who was late, dummy”, “but we can’t do this tonight.”

“I know, but I just don’t want to leave you here. I feel like you’re going to disappear from me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Kookie.” You moved your hand down his face, and rested it on the back of his neck. He tightened his arm around your waist, and you closed the distance again to give him a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you next week, alright?”

He nodded at your words and as he was pulling back from you, both his hands hastily went to grab a hold of your head just to give you the last kiss of the night.

Neither of you said anything else, you just giggled at his actions and sent him off to his house.

You both could not help but be drawn to each other.

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Monday and everything was going according to plan. In perfect harmony.

Yoongi was finally arriving tonight and you couldn’t be more excited to see him. It was almost a joke when you told him you were counting the hours until you were next to him.

But first, you were going to spend all day with Olivia, celebrating her birthday.

After collecting her birthday cake and flowers, you made your way to pick up your best friend to take you to the restaurant where Van, her boyfriend and your other friends would be waiting for the two of you.

After all the birthday antics directed towards your best friend, you almost felt bad that now all the attention had been brought to you and what happened last Saturday.

Even Olivia’s attention was all over you, urging you to tell them everything, EVERY-THING.

Van’s boyfriend was the first one to literally ask about Jungkook. “So who’s the handsome guy, huh? I liked him.” One raised eyebrow, eager to hear what you had to say.

Everyone went quiet, listening carefully to basically your whole story with Jungkook until the other day. Faint gasps were heard. Hands over mouths, eyebrows raised. One would think you were telling the most dramatic story ever heard in this century.

You started telling it with a lot of enthusiasm, but as you went on and thought back about why you stopped talking to him, it all felt so vivid once again. It was upsetting to feel like that over something you thought you had already put behind.

Once you finished, Van spoke, “Well, I know I didn’t see much of him but, he seems really nice towards you, I could tell he likes you a lot.”

“He actually helped us get my car going the other day, he REALLY is nice, like, he didn’t have to go do all that, but he got on his way as soon as y/n called him, fucking Kevin wouldn’t have done that for me…”

Van’s boyfriend had his chin resting on his hand, just nodding at everything your friends were saying, taking in all the information. “We should go on a double date.”

“Like, this Saturday.”

You laughed almost in disbelief. Brows furrowed “Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn't I be?!! I told you I liked him!”

“Babe, you like everyone…” Van said while patting his hand.

“Well I like him most, he looks cool and like he can hold his drinks”, “text him right now and tell him that.”

“Tell him that I INVITED him!”

“Not fair you guys”, Olivia told you and pursed her lips. “I want to go tooooooo.”

“Well you can go but, heads up, we’re all gonna be busy eating each other’s faces.”

Van raised her index finger, clarifying that thought, “WITH OUR RESPECTIVE PARTNERS.”

You did send Jungkook that text and he responded straight away, but you kept joking around with your friends, that you forgot to text him back. “Of course I’ll go, I’m dying to see you” “tell them I say thanks for the invite too 😉”

But also because something else was on your mind.

Your attention went to your friends and occasionally to your watch. The thrill to see Yoongi, after a year of him existing solely through your screen, was on a new height.

The thought of him being already on his way to see you had you acting 100x sillier with your friends. And you actually couldn’t wait anymore to be in his arms.

Soon, a text came.

“I’m waiting to pick up my bags, it’ll take me around 20 minutes I think?”

“Where are you? are you still with your friends?”

You didn’t waste any more time at that and you hurriedly said goodbye to everyone. It almost seemed out of the blue. But you couldn’t care any less, you needed to be with Yoongi now.

You went to the airport as fast as you could and thankfully, you were the one that waited Yoongi for a couple of minutes.

The instant you saw each other, Yoongi dropped his bags and opened his arms. This made you run towards him to not hug, but to cling to his torso.

His scent assaulted you. This fresh citrusy smell, like warm wood, was all you could perceive. It reminded you of the countless days and nights you spent with him. Wrapped in his clothes and arms. You missed him.

He beat you to say it first though. “i’m not gonna deny that i missed you a lot.”

“Yoongi… i really really wanted to be with you.”

“I’m here now.”

With a groan, you buried your face in his neck and he quickly began stroking your hair. “i missed you Yoongi.”

He was thankful that you couldn’t see his face right now because he was flushing. He giggled and told you, “me too y/n.”

“I say we should get going now so I can show you how much I miss you, what do you think?” He finally put you down, still in front of him. Then when you bent down to help him with one of his bags, he stopped you and took your hand in his. “Tell me.”

“what? you want me to tell you how needy I am for you?” You wanted to give him the most puppiest eyes ever, but the way you were craving him got in the way you held your gaze.

He grabbed his bags and then whispered to your ear, “it would be nice, but i already know how needy you get around me.”

He was right, still you smiled like a kid caught doing something naughty.

“do you now?”

“you shouldn’t be surprised baby, just because we didn’t see each other for a year doesn’t mean i forgot everything about you”, “i couldn’t stop thinking about every little thing that i like about you.”

“god Yoongi, please stop talking or i swear i’m going to do something indecent.”

The smirk in his face hasn’t gone for a while. “when has that stopped us before?”

“but alright, i’ll be a good boy and wait for you to be indecent at your house.”

He ended with a kiss on the top of your head and both started walking towards the exit. You went for one of his bags to help him carry it, mostly with the intention of holding his hand once again.

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I don’t know why I always want to run away?

I want things I can’t have.

I’m confused now. I felt so good on the weekend, but I don’t know what to feel as of now.

I want Yoongi. I don’t know if I should wait for that possibility but, he’s what I want.

And now that I experienced what I always wondered and wanted, and actually enjoyed being with Jungkook, I can’t see past that. Is it normal? Is it bad?

Am I getting my feelings mixed up? Right now I feel like I don’t know myself. I was so happy on Sunday. I felt so calm, life was treating me so well.

But until yesterday, when I started telling my friends about Jungkook, I started to remember about last year and, I got so insecure.

Today I craved Yoongi’s attention. I felt so needy. Why are my feelings suddenly so strong with him?

I know I can’t keep myself closed up, that I need to experience relationships, but I also feel like I’m in no hurry. But when I say that, I feel like a coward. Just keeping myself safe without learning. I know I shouldn’t be scared of getting hurt, but I can’t help it when I literally don’t trust anyone.

As much as I love Jungkook, I can’t trust him.

Strangely, I don’t even want to know what he’s thinking. I just want to be sure of what I feel, because when I know that, I’m certain that I won’t be afraid of the outcome.

What’s making me feel like this? Is it him? Is it my fears or something else in me?

I don’t recognize my feelings right now, I’m not even worried, I just feel uneasy.

Maybe it’s uncertainty? I hate not knowing what I should do.

When will I make up my mind?

Maybe if it were someone else, I wouldn’t be overthinking this.

Something tells me that things with Jungkook won’t be right. I can’t see my future with him.

I have this idea of what I want to feel when I’m sure that I’m in love and I don’t know if I’m romanticizing it too much, but this isn’t it.

I have the sensation that my freedom’s been taken away.

I don’t understand myself, while I wasn’t sure of anything, I still feel like it was nice to be with him.

But now I know that I don’t want something serious with him. He’s not my person.

If he was, I wouldn’t be thinking of someone else.

I wouldn’t be thinking of how much I want to be with Yoongi and do everything with him.

I’m not in love.

I won’t keep this going, because I know it won’t make me happy.

I don’t want to sneak at night. I don’t want to tiptoe in the mornings so no one knows I was there. I don’t want silent awkward car rides. I want to feel loved.

I don’t know if I’ll hurt him, I feel guilt all over again. But I haven’t forgotten what I promised myself. That I won’t make myself go through things I don’t want to do, just because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Maybe this was bound to happen and maybe I just messed up our friendship.

But it’s just another ending. Feelings change and I can’t do anything about that. I won’t force them on me just for the sake of someone else. How could I know that I’d end up feeling like this?

I shouldn’t have kissed Jungkook.

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flower-biter · 2 months

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26 February - 3 March

Spring is here and it’s bringing me life but also making me so aware of how fast the time is moving. There are buds on the trees and I wake up to birdsong and it’s still light for an hour after I get home from work. But I’m not quite ready for heat and long days of Doing Things; I welcome flowers and sunshine but part of me wants to hibernate a little longer.

Donating blood to help people of course, but also as a way to feel a little less powerless amid all the horrible things going on right now. I can call reps and vote and donate money but sometimes that doesn’t feel tangible enough, somehow? This is something simple I can do, I can give. I can also see it as a form of activism and of honoring a part of queer history (I get really emotional about the Lesbian Blood Sisters). I’m really lucky to be healthy and able to regularly donate without adverse effects. Also (do I want to admit this? oh well) I’m alone so much and maybe it’s pathetic, but the gentle touches of the phlebotomist has been the only other human touch I’ve had in, well, too long.

I think the meds are starting to work. I had a thought as I was getting dressed one morning: people like me. I don’t think I’d ever thought that before, or at least, not in recent memory. I don’t really dwell on others’ opinions of me, so much as I constantly worry about being an inconvenience or annoyance or a draining presence; there’s always this nagging sense that I should make myself smaller and quieter and just not bother anybody and be content with what I get and maybe they’ll just let me live (unclear how much of this is mental illness and how much is conditioning from being raised in a borderline-fundamentalist christian household). It’s gotten worse since realizing I’m queer and gender questioning, because likability is also so strongly linked to survival. But today I was thinking about how many people have approached me with kindness lately, even as I lean more into my queerness: the barber inviting me to his shop for a haircut, the guy from high school wanting to catch up over coffee, the server at the Mexican restaurant I frequently go to for lunch who always brings me an extra tea to-go and asks after my work and family. Strangers at bars and coffee shops and parks that see something in my face and strike up a conversation. Coworkers that say good things about me when I’m not there. It’s not a huge deal, maybe, but my brain has never really let me dwell on the positive regard people have for me before, so it feels like a revelation to me. I’m going to start crying if I think about it too hard. But it feels good to start getting better.

There’s a really cute queer fem person in my ghost stories class who I want to ask out, but I feel like I should wait until the last class meeting so I don’t make them uncomfortable in later classes if they say no. They’re lovely and interesting and an artist, and always have insightful and humorous comments to add to our class discussions. Even if nothing works out romantically I’d love to be friends with them, I just have to work up the courage to ask (easier said than done).

I paid off another student loan! After all the struggles of the past few years, it feels so, so good to have made so much progress toward my financial goals.

Saturday was definitely the most Doing Stuff day. I worked on my sister’s wedding pictures (I’m having such a hard time making myself get through these). Got coffee with someone I hadn’t seen or spoken to in 11 years; we had lots to catch up on, and made plans to meet up for pub trivia later this week. Went for a walk and encountered a surprise chicken. Wandered through an antiques mall with an old friend (and am still thinking about this dove table; might have to go back to see if it's still available once I have my own place). Got my ass handed to me in scrabble. Lots of butterball snuggles.

I’m in a weird reading rut; I finished Stone Butch Blues (I’m still processing it; heart feels raw) and Paradise Rot (quick read, surreal and a little creepy, interesting; a lot of body fluids) but am now kind of struggling to pick up anything else, even for my class. There’s bees in my brain.

I still need to do my taxes and renew my passport (ugh, personal admin stuff, the absolute worst). Today is for laundry and crocheting and more photo editing and a nap with the cat and maybe buzzing my hair.

Well. Onward.

last week

#catalog of little joys #another week of overthinking everything

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abcitycake · 2 years

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This is something I’d like to share when it comes to ableism. I was diagnosed with autism in my sopmore year. They had to accommodate me in order to graduate, I had difficulty paying attention and understanding my work in classes. Thankfully I was able to leave school. Skip to university, my passion was wanting to learn Japanese, and a dream to get a degree and move to Japan to teach English. But instead my only options there was “office skills” I got it done but didnt use anything with it. That was in 2010-2011. For the next 10 years, I didnt know what to do. My only chance in getting to learn what I wanted was out the window. My dad made me promise if I could handle regular classes without as much accommodations, I could go to the school to learn Japanese. But unfortunately I did fail. The subjects and classes weren’t difficult to understand, it was the homework that needed to be done online, and it was very confusing, so I failed. I am forever disappointed that my passions were disregarded, and forced to do something i wasn’t comfortable with. For the next 5 years- my parents toxicity towards me became worse. I ran away a couple of times in 2017 just to get away from them. I went to a women’s shelter for a week. Risked homelessness just to get away from them. But I finally got my own place, and have been here ever since. I have been here for nearly 5 years this October. I did work. But around 2018, I noticed my energy would slow down and I couldn’t stand on my feet for more than 3 hours. I been working with my dads business since 15, so about a decade. I think this was my first experience with “burnout”. I was luckily given smaller hours and not do tasks such as taking customer orders. I have a processing issue, I either dont understand something right away, or i processed it too quick. In May of 2019, I quit my job of 13 years.

My dad and his coworker that he treated like as a “teacher’s pet” began to micromanage me. That time was when summer vacation was fast approaching, and it would get hot around 9 to 10 am. I WAS GOOD at my cleaning job for the outside, and i was trying to do it as fast and best I could. But they brought me back out, and said I didnt sweep the flower petals right, (We had a tree that would drop flowers in the spring and summer) and my dad took the blower with this tone I always hated; and I started to cry right there. They left, I go back in the bathroom to cry and decided: I’m DONE. I finished washing the dishes for the last time and try to slip away without the coworker knowing, I was going to tell her when I got home. But she caught me, and was FURIOUS.

She said the most vile horrible things- such as along the lines of; “Be lazy, have no job then” “Text your dad that you’re quitting your job, and your name is Tammy, THATS your new name, now!”

She meant, and compared me to my MENTALLY ILL AUNT. Who can’t work because of mental illness. I refuse to associate with her ever since. She of course, pretended nothing happened when i would stop by there- and ofc seems to have forgotten. But I, never will.

Skipping to this past January, 2022. My mom and I were on the way to visit my sister, and celebrate my 30th birthday. She brings up I should “go back to work”. Just her saying that made my blood boil.

“You’re still so young, you should be working”

“Go to (mentions this store) for work”

“You dont have to go back to a restaurant place”

Even when I said I quit working at the job I went to after my dad’s business, because of TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT, SHE BRUSHED IT OFF.

One of my only explanations to why she wanted me to work again is simply because “you need a social standing” “you’re young” “Your sisters work, so you can too”

Made me so fucking angry. This woman is AWARE, of my disabilities, or doesn’t seem to know I HAVE LIMITED Time standing around before I shut down after 3-4 hours on a job, and I was treated HORRIBLY, for the last 3 years of my time working.

Oh, and it doesn’t stop there. To hammer the final rusty nail on the coffin, this happens:

On the way home after having my birthday, my mom asks about my niece and if was nice seeing her; and I said

“Yeah just don’t Iike the screaming she does (keep in mind she’s not 2 years old yet)”

I have sensitive hearing, and I cant be around kids often due to that,

SHE RESPONDS AN SAYS “Well you were like that too at that age, and it hurt our ears”

This fucking bitch GASLIGHTS ME FR THINGS I DID AS A CHILD IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, BC IF YOU CONSIDER THAT TIME I WAS AUTISTIC BEFORE GETTING DIAGNOSED, I would only scream and cry to communicate.

SHE CONTINUES TO BERATE ME FOR CALING HER TOXIC IN THE PAST AND AT THAT POINT I PUT ON MY HEADPHONES TO BLOCK OUT HER HURTFUL BULLSHIT.

That’s probably going to the the last time in a long, long time, I will ever go with my family to celebrate my birthday. As of now, I have my YouTube channel. It’s been rough the past few months and I lost my monetization, but when I get it back I’ll plan my own goddamn trips by myself, or in the future with my beloved, sweet girlfriend.

#ableism #fuck ableists #stop being ableist #autism #autism discrimination #toxic parents #gaslighting

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pissmoon · 1 year

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ANGEY PERSONAL LONGPOST

I am so fucking pissed at this guy. He thinks we are bffs because we went to one music fest together and we were smoking when i had nothing better to do. He bothered me and whined and begged that i cover 2 of his shifts so he can go to Berlin with family. I almost always agree to shifts exchanges with coworkers when i can but in this case there was a huuuge joint bday party 2 coworkers were throwing and i told him i want to go and he was offended (i was invited and he was not🙃)...? And it pissed me off how like... He planned an abroad trip with family but he didnt bother to take paid vacations leave he just assumed i'll always exchange shifts with him whenever he asks because i cant possibly have plans and life of my own and he felt entitled to it?? I ended up agreeing tho bc there was 1 shift he could take so i have 5 days off in a row. If its sooooo important to him that he's been bothering me for 1 fucking week. So, 1 hour after we and our manager signed our exchange shifts paper he told me he is too depressed to go to work and cover one of those two shifts of mine and he'll be taking sick leave 'but dont worry you will not get in trouble because i'll 100% be on the second one'. Yea we had a shift together and he didnt tell me that before i signed the shit even tho he already knew! I was so pissed but I believed him and i was kinda too excited about having 5 days off in a row. Next fucking day he tells me he's not going to Berlin with family on that date and if i wanna go with him for 1 or 2 days on my 5 days off. At first i thot well if u dragged me in the middle of this mess you can take me to Berlin in exchange for the hussle. But after 1 day i realized wait ill be on the first day of my period no way i am going to sit in a car/train for hours and then walk around Berlin when its all windy and cold and told him that. He came to my apt uninvited as he always does and kept being like pls pls pls pls go with me. I was like dude idk if i feel right yea maybe but ill probably wont even be able to get out of bed. He took that as a yes i guess and went to a pub with the main gossiper coworker and a MANAGER as he was on sick leave and BRAGGED about how he is going to Berlin with me. On sick leave when he was supposed to cover my shift. Like he made it look like i intentionally exchanged knowing he wont come to work so we can go together? Of course i didnt even feel like going anywhere on my period but he had to tell everyone. And bam big fucking surprise. He promised i wont get in trouble because he 100% will cover that second shift right. He fucking forgot about it and went to Ukraine of all places and called in with some 'my kid is sick' bullshit to work. And he bragged to me about all the trips he had to be on because he was too sad to go to work as i was getting in trouble at work because of him!! He knows damn well our workplace puts bans on exchanging shifts on ppl who fool around like this. I dont give a shit if he gets not so legit sick leaves but he dragged me in the middle of this mess like what for? He fucking gets 4 sick leaves a week to get out of work he can travel whenever he wants. To be petty and selfish now - I didnt go to that coworkers party, i was banned from exchanging shifts along with him. I talked to the boss and they unbanned me after 1 week, but before that happened uhh. I missed the concert by patriarchy and spit mask because i could not exchange a shift with anyone. God i hate this dude so much now how can one be this immature and selfish like what are you 11. I told him it him it was selfish and entitled behavior and i feel like he used me and didnt care ill get in trouble and he didnt reply since. He didnt even say fucking sorry

#of course someone who is THIS self obsessed with zero respect to anyone is a catholic lmfao #i always thought christians are the most selfish fucking ppl and didnt have a christian friend since like high school #well i mean not more christian than 'i believe in god but hate the church' ones

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kamiiiii11 · 2 years

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Okay so i started an Edward Nashton/Riddler x Reader while i was super fixate on the riddler and ive just now rediscovered it and im here to ask if i should continue it? Or like maybe rewrite it. Anyways here's everything that was in the notes:

Before i start this i would just like to sayyy

1. This is the first fanfic ive ever written however i have written stories so im not completely new to this

2. If i make any mistakes please tell me

3. If my friends find this ill cry

4. THERE WILL N O T BE ANY SMUT IN THIS I DONT WRITE STUFF LIKE THAT

5. This is based off of Paul Dano's riddler since i havent seen enough of that on here..

6. I plan on throwing in some song references in here lets see who can get them all!!

7. Y/n is trans ftm just thought id put that out there

8. I do not have an actual schedule as to when I'll be posting, should be at least one chapter a week though ❤

'IT IS ALWAYS NICE TO SEE YOU'

Y/n was a 25 year old boy working the graveyard shift at his only job, an old diner. They barely got an customers but to be fair who's going to go a diner anytime between 10pm and 7am except maybe the last hour. They were going into work as usual, about an hour early this time because their coworker had an emergency. Y/n didnt mind much though since he didnt have anyhting else to do.

"Hey- be careful with him. He's a regular but he always seems off" Clarice said while taking off her apron and grabbing her jacket.

"He's reading from a crossword book, I think I'll be fine thank you Clarice" You were grabbing your nametag you kept behind the counter to make sure you dont lose it 'Y/n he/they' it said on it in a black font.

"Just stay safe y/n." She finished getting ready to leave as you nodded and watched her walk out the back. The 'strange' man didnt have anything infront of him except for a small journal, a crossword book, and a pen. Naturally since it is your job, you walk up to him

"Hello, what can i get for you if you have not yet already been served?" You stared at the man that sat infront of you as the counter/bar stools, he had light brown hair, clear framed glasses, and a dark green jacket on. You had to be honest with yourself he was pretty attractive, nothing to be too scared to talk to him over though. He looked up from his puzzles

"Oh- uh- hm. Just a coffee and do you guys maybe have any pumpkin pie?" Why did he seem so nervous? He's the one who sat at a counter instead of his own booth, no one else was here so he wouldnt be taking up unnecessary space.

"We do! So just a coffee and pumpkin pie for pumpkin?" Ew what was that?!??! That was so cheesy oh my god

"Uh- ye-yeah. Thank you-" he blushed at the nickname andlooked at your nametag with your pronouns on it, one good part about this diner is all nametags have pronouns on them which the customers generally respect. "Sir." He smiled and quickly looked back down at his book.

You'd nod and quckly turn around and start getting his order, starting the coffee machine and getting his pie while waiting.

"Here you are" you placed a plate with a single piece of pie topped with a bit of whipped cream infront of him. The man just nods and starts eating. It wasnt long before the coffee was done and you put it next to the plate, earning a quiet 'thank you' this time. "Soooo whats your name?" You leaned against the counter, he looked up and stared back at you.

"Do you like riddles?" You stared at him blankly

"I'd like to say im good at them so yeah-?"

"Get this one right and I'll tell you my name, i am something you own but everyone else uses way more than you, what am i?" You took a minute to think.

"Your name? I know ive heard that one but im not sure if thats the right answer i havent done riddles si-" you got cut off.

"My name is Edward, nice to meet you y/n." How did he know my name-? Oh wait my nametag he laughed quietly as if he could hear your thoughts, in reality the expression said them for you. He started to reach into his pockets as if looking for something. "Uh-"

"Are you alright Ed?"

"Y-yeah i just seemed to have forgotten my wallet." He had a worried expression as he looked up at you, he obviously didnt plan this so hey why not be nice? Clarice said he was a regular anyway.

"They're both on the house today, dont worry" You smiled and took his cup and plate.

"I can pay you back later? When are your hours i can probably be here at some point-"

"10 to 7 on friday, every weekday" I kind of just want to see him again i really dont think its so important that he pays me back he only got a coffee and a slice of pie

"See youuu- uhh- tomorrow?"

"Again, im here everyweekday so yes ed" youd smile and wave as he walked out. Well he was- sweet. Clarice was wrong about him being weird, he wasnt completely normal but he didnt seem like anything to be concerned about.

The rest of your shift was normal, boring yeah, but normal. Once it was over your grabbed your jacket and were on your way home. Due to it being 7am there was many people out unless it was cars and places opening, no one wanted to walk anywhere this early and you couldn't blame them because you wouldnt want to either. As soon as you got into your apartment you took off your black sneakers and raced to your bedroom to change. The outfit was quite uncomfortable after a while, at first it was fine but then you break it in and its just blah at that point. Once changed you set your alarms for 5pm so you could have time to do your shopping, and still have some spare time you considered spending on the music shop. You passed it everyday to and from work and had always wanted to go there, you could see records through the clear glass windows and youve always thought about it since. You slowly drifted off thinking about everything you'd do when you woke up.

WE'RE SWITCHING TO Y/N'S POV BC THIS ONE IS JUST UGLY TO ME I STRONGLY DISLIKE WRITING LIKE THIS

As my alarm went off in my ear i quickly shot up, looking around the room before turning off the alarm. I sat there for a minute or two debating on whether or not I should eat before or if i should just wait until my shift at the diner. Folding the corner of my bedding to let myself up I slowly get up and get dressed, dreading having to be awake. Work itself wasn't too bad but I never got much sleep from it being at such odd times, its never really allowed me to have friends since im basically nocturnal at this point. To be fair though I dont really want friends, I have bigger things to worry about than my social life. Plus I talk to people all night at work it kinda makes up for it, yk? Anyways after getting dressed I go to the bathroom to do my eyeliner, boys can wear makeup too and to be quite frank I even have a slight confidence boost when im wearing it therefore if anyone has a problem with it they can suck my non existent dick. I grab my things including my phone off the side of my bed, I dont know why I check the notifications no one has my number except Clarice and Elliot who both only call me when they want a day off or for me to come in early. I barely hear from or see Elliot however he's still my boss and I need to 'respect' that, Clarice says.

Walking out of my apartment I see a familiar figure in the distance, Ed? I walk faster in hopes to pass him without him reckognizing me, yeah he was nice at the diner but I dont know him enough to want to hang out or talk to him outside of work. I quickly walk past him with my head down but turned back to see him without thinking.

"Can i help you??" Oh thank god it wasnt him

"Sorry I thought you were someone else.." I turn back around and quickly leave the appartment building.

#edward nashton #edward nygma #paul dano #riddler x reader

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aphrodita-from-foam · 7 months

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**** Feel free to ignore this if it's too much; I just had to get it out and this is a rash decision to send it but here goes nothing - you know who**** If I ever saw you again I don’t know how I’d react. Our last sighting was under horrible circumstances, I’m sorry for blind sighting you like that. I don’t know how much you know or how private things had to be, but I was a mess every time I saw you, I hate how everything happened. We’ll never fully make sense to me, but I think I’ve known that from the start. I found all my old poetry from 2016. (What a sucker punch) I’ve been thinking of publishing a collection eventually so I’m interspersing some old with the new (but not the ones for you, I can’t bring myself to do it) Why do I still write to you? I don’t have a clear answer there. I don’t even know if I’ll gather the courage to leave this for you. She knows everything, which is why I can’t respond to you. It's been quite the rollercoaster of a year. I really didn’t expect to get to the point where I’d be making you an accidental visit like that... It's been a rough few months. It’s been twice not once, I just opted out of inpatient the second time. How did they let me get away with that? Unclear. I guess I’m good with words. I’m taking the semester off of school to get my meds under control. I don’t have to be telling you any of this, but I know you care and as much as I don’t speak it I still care too. I think I always will. But we crossed a line. If we had tiptoed a little softer, If I could have just been honest with her from the start, Who knows where we would be? Colleagues? Friends? Confidants? Who knows what we could ever be now? Only time will tell. I’m just writing this to say that even though it’s been dark, I am alive and well. I hope the same goes for you. I can’t contact you any other way, but I’ve thought of leaving you something for some time now, I just didn’t know what to say or how to even say it. I want the best of everything in the world for you and I always will. Looking at the old writings is still gut-wrenching because it was so intense. One of your lines has stuck in my head and will never leave: I was real, and I was here, with you. That’ll never go away. I hope your life is full of love and laughter and if this is in ill taste and causes pain then to believe me, I’m sorry. That’s not my intention. I just know that you know I was in pain and didn’t know what to do or say nor were you allowed to, and I don’t want you to worry. I don’t know how much your coworkers are allowed to tell you, but it was an emotional stay knowing you were so close. I don’t say that to be rude, it’s because I wanted to talk to you but couldn’t. I guess here is where I’ll end. Good luck in everything you put your passion towards, anyone will be forever lucky to have you. Maybe one day we’ll meet again, and if we don’t I hope you keep the songs. I’ll never forget anything.

Thank you for writing. It’s good to hear from you. I’m sorry for having pushed the boundaries between us. I’m going inpatient for a while myself and also took the semester off- what a wild year this has been- I miss talking to you, I miss seeing you and holding you. I wish I was in your life- in whatever capacity… I’m doing a lot of step work as well, sex and love addicts anon, it’s a great program and they have helped me heal so so much. I’m happy to know you are alive and prioritizing your mental health- it has helped me son much to cut back several hours of work and take a break from school. I’m single now, for the first time in a long time and this time- I am okay with it… I’ve been rediscovering myself and learning to love myself and be kind to myself.

I have so much love and softness for you. I talked about you just the other day to a close friend- told him how much my heart yearns for you, but how we always get our timing wrong.

I fear you may be my life long “almost” and “what if”, it’s painful to think of all the lovely scenarios we could have been, but through the program and (a lot) of therapy, I’ve been accepting the fate of what we are.

I believe you in you. I love you, even after everything and only want the happiness and kindness you give to the world for yourself.

Publish your beautiful work, fall in love with yourself, grow, nurture, and heal.

Forever yours,

Lola.

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