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ashiemochi · 1 year

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anubussy - xiv

✠ Anubussy ↳ sorry, i don't want your touch ↳↳ it's not that i don't want you

➶ pairing: OC x Leon S(exy) Kennedy. ➶ genre: fluff, more angst, gore, longer smut/suggestive themes ➶ word count: no

NOTE: ✠ = time skip ✠✠ = switching povs/characters

AN: this will be the last chapter for a while till I finish writing the epilogue. hopefully ill stop being so lazy and actually get to it as it's already outlined. my brother's wedding is coming up so ya girl is working hard to save up and get her own dress <3

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“I’m sorry…”

The faintest kiss then –

The alarm really upped its state by being absolutely annoying. The music never started off soft and gradually grew louder to ease him down from his dreamland, but more so blared and yanked him to reality with a big ‘wakey wakey, eggs and fuck you’.

A drowsy groan left through the DSO agent’s lips, his eyes squeezing shut. He was sleeping on his chest, one arm under the pillow and the other dangling over the edge. The clean duvet was draped over his waist.

He reached out to shut the alarm. His hand tapped the cool nightstand before hitting the ringing clock, returning the silence he appreciated. Exhaling heavily, Leon sleepily turned around, fully expecting to find her to pull her close. Except, the cool empty sheets were there to greet him instead.

That made his eyes peel open to see he was actually alone in bed, and he blinked. Alarms were starting to blare in his slow-processing brain as he lifted his head up to look around the room.

No one.

His body was still rebooting as he sat up, trying to process what was happening. The dead chip was still on the nightstand; he was sure it was deaddead because it did give a little fire show the night before.

“So Ah?” Leon’s fresh-out-of-bed voice called out, incredibly confused as he pushed the duvet off his bare torso, being in only his grey sweatpants.

He didn’t hear her reply.

At first, he thought something had gone wrong. Hurriedly, he swung his legs over the bed but something cold touched his foot. The combat dagger was still there, having been forgotten as Leon was more focused on his wife.

It was too quiet – too eerily quiet.

Leon chose to stick to the safest route, picking up the knife before getting on his feet. He held the handle in an alarmed manner, his training kicking in as he let his focused eyes take in the room.

Her clothes, which were once folded and set on the couch, weren’t there anymore. Adrenaline was beginning to loom over the horizon – she was always concerned about being caught.

What if–

Leon shook his head at the irrational thought, moving carefully but steadily to the bathroom. Last night, he decided to keep the bloodied sheets in the laundry basket so he’d get it cleaned up later – or possibly throw it away before anyone sees it.

The laundry basket was empty.

His chest was starting to heave as he checked on the kitchen next but nada. There was not a single sign that she was ever here, except for the chip. Her clothes and the dirty sheets were gone. Hell, the coffee table still had his glove and the empty glass cup.

There were more signs that Leon was ever the only one in the room rather than his wife. Leon stood in the middle of the room, fingers curling into a tight grip around the marble handle of the dagger. He didn’t want to believe it – he refused to.

Numerous what-ifs ran around his head like a carousel.

What if she was actually discovered and got taken away even when he promised he wouldn’t let them do it again?

She was horribly afraid when she first came into the room; what if she left on purpose and let her anxiety take over?

It doesn’t sound right, but that was what made it worse. Were all those apologies and cries last night just for show? To emotionally use him before she was out on the road once again?

That last thought churned his stomach into itself.

Leon sped to his phone and picked it up before stilling – she didn’t have a number anymore, at least not one he knows of as her previous number would only end up dead. His eyes darted aimlessly; he was lost.

Chris.

Chris would definitely know.

Hastily, Leon scrolled through his contacts and found the number before tapping it. He pressed the phone against his ear and waited. Each ringing sounded longer than the other, tantalizing him as if on purpose. It dragged out more of his anxious thoughts – then a gruff voice answered the call.

“Leon?”

“Chris, is she with you?” Leon asked quickly, worry oozing from his lips like broken tap water.

Chris sounded confused, “Who? Leon, what are you talking about?”

“So Ah, Chris.” Leon snapped, subconsciously pacing as he tried to keep himself calm, “Is So Ah with you? Did she go to you or Nivans?”

“No,” He replied, now growing on edge, “Last we saw her, Piers had dropped her off at the hotel – why? What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Leon stood in the middle of the room, swallowing thickly, “She stayed the night and, the chip…”

His eyes landed on the dried bloodied tracker on the nightstand. He was sure it was busted. He saw it break, self-destructing right in front of him. The safety measure was to take out his wife – those heartless fuckers.

“What about it?” Chris pressed on, hoping that the BSAA hadn’t actually succeeded in rebooting it and actually frying her spine, “Leon, tell me what happened.”

“It’s dead.”

Suddenly, the door clicking open caught his attention, taking it away from the useless device. Then his wife walked in, a plastic bag of what seemed to be food hanging from her wrist whilst she was holding onto a carton tray of two foam cups. The scent of freshly baked croissants and coffee attempted to ease his nerves, yet he was more enthralled by her.

She was in yesterday’s attire but now with an oversized denim blue hoodie with the said hood over her head and a brown scarf covering her lower face – which he recognized as her cardigan acting as such. She must’ve gotten the big hoodie from his suitcase.

Slipping her shoes off, her eyes snapped to his and then crinkled into crescent moons at her smile. She pushed the makeshift scarf down as she made her way joyfully to him.

“You’re up!” So Ah beamed, nearly skipping up to him and she pressed a kiss onto his cheekbone where that faintfaint scar resided, “I wanted to surprise you – breakfast in bed ‘n all, but you were always better at that than me.”

“I got,” She stretched the word out, setting the plastic bag and the tray down on the coffee table and then proceeded to take out the white box from the bag, popping it open, “Croissants!”

“Ah, and the bakery had cinnamon buns, but they didn’t offer a vegan version. I didn’t want to eat one without you, so I got these instead! Just don’t eat these, they’re not dairy-free.”

The girl continued, pointing at the golden pastries as she took off her makeshift scarf, followed by the hoodie; she didn’t seem to be aware of her husband’s silence.

Leon watched her ramble without a care in the world, faintly picking up on Chris calling out for him through the phone. His thumb tapped the red icon to drop the call.

As So Ah folded the clothes and put them on the couch, her eyes darted to the side at something glimmering and glanced at the dagger in his hand. His grip was a little loose but she could see his fingers were twitching around it.

She wasn’t on edge. She trusted him with her whole life and she knew more than anything he wasn’t going to hurt her. Her back straightened up slowly, growing more concerned rather than anxious.

“Leon, are you okay?”

His eyes snapped back to the moment and he looked down at the dagger before tossing it aside, letting it fall on the couch. With his chest feeling constricted, Leon stumbled over his own words.

“Yeah, I was just…” He trailed away, putting his phone back into his pocket, “I… I didn’t know where you were.”

She blinked, looking at the food then back at him, not quite understanding what he meant, “I was getting us breakfast.”

“Oh, right!” Her eyes widened a bit with a small gasp, seemingly remembering something as she turned to the hoodie and dug her hand into its pocket.

“Here you go,” She handed him his credit card with an apologetic smile, “Sorry, again. I took it while you were sleeping – I could’ve used mine but…” She seemed nervous, but kept that sad smile, “They would’ve traced it back to me.”

That soft whisper and kiss long before he woke up – she wasn’t planning on leaving him once again. Still, his relief was shooting sky-high.

“But you’re okay?” He didn’t even look at the card, taking a step close to her and his azuls scanned her for anything that would sound the alarms in his head, “Are you hurt?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” So Ah furrowed her brows, lowering her hand with the card slightly, “Why would I be hurt?”

That was all it took.

His arms were instantly around her, pulling her till there was no space between their bodies as if fearing an inch of such would make her disappear. Leon pushed his face into the crook of her neck, the tip of his nose bumping into her skin and picking up on her oriental scent.

Despite having showered in the hotel with his own shampoo and conditioner, the fabric of her outfit held onto that hint of her usual vanilla smell. His nerves gradually eased down as his fingers dug into her shirt and the other went to the back of her head.

So Ah was frozen at the sudden gesture, her arms hovering as she was utterly confused and now flat-out concerned. His body was curling over hers, not allowing her to really step on her tippy toes to reach for him.

He was already there for her.

“Leon?” She whispered, trying to look at him but he didn’t release her, and his chest felt searingly hot against her clothed one.

“Just give me a minute, So Ah,” Leon’s low voice was deep, almost raspy with his anxious thoughts having taken over for a good minute, “You damn near gave me a heart attack. I thought you…”

His trailing away was enough to tell her his mind had jumped to the worse possibilities and she frowned deeply.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, threading her finger through his hair and a hitched shaky breath warmed up her skin. Her heart squeezed into itself, and she thought she too was going to start crying for even making him feel this way.

“Oh, Leon…” She muttered, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

What once was a surprise breakfast in bed turned into ‘Hey! You almost indirectly gave your husband a panic attack! Way to go!’

It was bound to reveal itself, anyways. His own wife had been gone and presumed dead for ten long months. Every morning was a struggle to get out of bed, leading to a sleepless night. On the nights his body did succumb to rest, nightmares would plague his head, forcing him to stay up; fatigued.

In some way, it was traumatizing – as if he needed more added to his list.

His grip on her reluctantly loosened when she pulled away to cradle his cheeks. Her heart fell to her stomach at the sight of his glassy eyes, bringing out the ocean blue of those irises. Her thumb caressed that permanent scar on the apple of his cheek as he gazed down at her with such softness.

Tugging him lower as she got on her tippy toes, she left a lingering kiss on his forehead, eliciting a silent exhale from him. When she pulled away, she held a smile on her face that went into a toothy one when she held his hands.

“Come on! Breakfast in bed!” So Ah started leading him to the bed, releasing only one hand, “Go sit!”

Leon couldn’t help but chuckle a little, listening to her, “Okay, okay.”

As he got comfortable on the bed and brought the blanket up to his lap, So Ah practically ran to the kitchen to get a plate. She returned with two plates and went up to the coffee table. Placing a single big croissant on one of them, she carried the plate along with the foam cup to him.

“There you go!” So Ah handed it to him, running off to the coffee table again and Leon felt the heat of the cup in his palm.

Sniffing it once before taking a sip, the black coffee brought warmth to his empty stomach. The Han girl skipped up to the bed with her own coffee, probably a mocha, and her croissant on a plate. She sat down crisscrossed so the cup would between her legs.

As he’d expect–

“Thank you for the meal,” So Ah spoke in her mother tongue and then took a bite, her eyes glowing in glee, “Oh, this is so good!”

Leon gulped a little coffee after eating some of the pastry, brows shooting up slightly, “Better than the cinnamon roll?”

She gave him a look, “Nothing would beat cinnamon rolls.”

He huffed lightly as he shook his head, chewing and looking down at his breakfast. It wasn’t stuffed with anything, but he always liked it plain. The sesame seeds on top of the golden crust were a great touch.

“You know you could’ve gotten a bun if you wanted one,”

“Maybe,” So Ah shrugged, taking a small bite by peeling off the top layer, “But it’s fine, I’m not going to complain now. I’m starving.”

She wasn’t aware of his perceptive eyes boring into her, beaming in surprise at the melted chocolate oozing from the centre of the pastry.

His chewing slowed down when he swallowed, rolling his tongue over his molars. He put down the half-eaten croissant and reached for his cup on the nightstand.

He wasn’t blind, she was slimmer than before. Her face still held that soft appearance to it. He wasn’t a stranger to unwanted weight loss – besides, he did go through something similar in those ten months. He easily replaced the empty space with more muscle, taking his underlying grief out on the punching bag.

In her case, it wasn’t the same – and he still had unanswered questions about how those months treated her; how horrible were they that she’d shed blood.

He would’ve gotten to the bottom of it yesterday night but he was occupied with the immense anger and desire that it slipped his mind. He only wished it showed on her skin.

Resenting the virus was nothing new to him.

“Hey…” Leon set the cup down, starting, “About last night…”

So Ah blinked, taking a sip from her mocha before returning it to its previous spot. A lot of things happened last night; from the argument to stripping her down from any coherent thoughts but him.

“Which part?”

Leon silently ticked his head to the chip on the nightstand.

She flinched at that part; w h y.

“Do we have to talk about it now?” She asked nervously.

Leon furrowed his brows and crossed his arms, raising a brow, “Wanna wait another eight years?”

Okay–

So Ah dropped her eyes down to her plate, poking and picking her croissant as she muttered, “Touche.”

Everything was already so good with having a late nice breakfast in bed with fresh pastries and hot coffee. She knew this was going to be talked about sooner or later – they didn’t do much of it yesterday.

“Sweetheart,” Leon sighed, setting his plate and coffee aside and he leaned down onto his arms so his hands were grasping her wrists, thumb rubbing her skin, “Let me help you.”

“I wanted…” She admitted, hating asking for a hand in anything, “I wanted to help you – help us…”

So Ah had gone through a life where she was spoonfed most of her solutions. From having multiple medicines to her family protecting her during those charity events, the Han girl resented every aid she received. It was nice, sure, for everything to be almost too easy, but it was also the reason why everything had gone to shit.

All those pills she accepted? It was her late doctor’s plan all along to create a dormant virus in her.

The BSAA implanting her with the chip so they’d observe the status of the virus? Nothing but a deadly weapon in case the pathogen gets active.

Leon saving her during the H-Outbreak? It only led to him being severely injured that he was out for three days.

Minji being a part of the outbreak in China? It killed her – and she helped her little sister so much, only for the youngest to fail at saving her.

She wanted to do things on her own for once – clean up her mess. She was afraid of asking for help again; afraid it’d backfire and hurt her close ones again.

Leon pursed his lips into a thin line momentarily at her words before speaking, “Look at you. Tell me, do you really think you’re treating yourself right?”

He continued, trying to convince her to let him take the lead this time, “When it comes to us, we both work on it – it shouldn’t be one-sided.”

So Ah stayed quiet, avoiding his eyes and he picked up on the tremors of her hands. She was scared.

“Listen to me,” Leon pressed on, a gentle look in his eyes, “You’re safe now. That chip is dead, I promise.”

But was it?

What if it was yet another ploy to get her to expose her location?

Her eyes trailed to the tracker, focusing on any twitch the device might show – anything that’d give away that it was actually still alive and functional. She saw it spark up like a lightbulb going out. She knew it was the so-called safety measure.

It was supposed to self-destruct and fry her brain.

What if they were listening to her right now?

Leon tugged her with a firm and determined look on his face, “Don’t look at it, look at me.”

And So Ah hesitantly tore her eyes away from the device.

“Trust me?”

And with little to no second thought, she nodded slowly, “Yeah.”

His gaze softened, trailing his hand to hers, grasping it with such love. A little I’m right here.

“Then tell me everything, right from the start.”

#canon x oc #oc x canon #resident evil fanfiction #resident evil vendetta #leon s kennedy #resident evil #leon kennedy #resident evil fandom #leon kennedy imagines #leon kennedy fanfic #leon scott kennedy #leon scott kennedy smut #oc x leon kennedy

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aftgficrec · 2 years

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Staff Recs - Why Don’t You Just Stab Me in the Heart? Angst

We’ve read some fantastic angst lately so decided to feature it in staff recs. Not all of these end unhappily, but some do. We classify these as medium to heavy angst. Please heed the trigger warnings! - AFTG Fic Rec Fam

Scribbles and Sticky Notes by Fortheloveofexy [Rated T, 11750 Words, Complete, 2022]

It started soon after Andrew’s official retirement from Exy.

tw: major character death, tw: major character injury, tw: car accident

Nor are we forgiven by AyeAyeAye [Rated M, 16866 Words, Complete, 2022]

“Dissociative amnesia,” Andrew said, and Aaron tried his best to listen.

“She’s really dead,” he said.

“Yes.”

“You killed her.”

Andrew said nothing, just twirled his knife between his fingers and stared Aaron down.

***

Aaron is the host of a DID system. Andrew is one of his alters.

Pre-canon and works through canon also.

tw: child abuse, tw: drug use, tw: did, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: violence, tw: vomit, tw: withdrawal

Can Nobody Hear Me (I cannot breathe) by temporaryeverything [Rated M, 23803 Words, Incomplete, Updated Aug 2022]

Andrew looks at himself in the mirror. He has electric clippers in one hand and his phone in the other, and debates which one he should turn to first. He flicks his thumb over the button of the clippers and it starts vibrating viciously in his hand. Another flick and it turns off just as quickly.

He unlocks his phone without looking and presses speed dial. He puts it on speaker and while it rings he flicks the button; on, off, on, off. On.

He starts at the front and just as the first strands of thick blond hair fall to the sink the dial tone stops and labored breathing can be heard in its place.

“Andrew?”

Where Andrew goes to see a doctor and doesn't tell anyone about it

tw: major character illness, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: explicit sexual content

Inked Petals by jaydreamz [Rated M, 11265 Words, Incomplete, Updated Aug 2022]

Andrew spent 3 years in a shithole small town in Florida trying to get through the loss of the only person who made him feel something.

Then Aaron convinces him to move to New York to start living his life again.

It all goes well until Andrew makes a tinder account and matches with his dead boyfriend.

tw: assumed major character death, tw: alcohol abuse, tw: implied/referenced drug use, tw: car accident, tw: panic attacks

Train Wreck by jaydreamz [Rated M, 8837 Words, Incomplete, Updated July 2022]

Neil never made it out of Baltimore.

Six years later, Andrew has his life together, more or less, but he's far from okay. When Bee convinces him to change the scenery and go on a trip around Europe, he knows this isn't going to fix anything.

Except, he's sitting on a train in Switzerland across a ghost who's staring at him with a familiar crystal blue gaze and no spark of recognition in his eyes.

tw: assumed major character death, tw: violence, tw: explicit sexual content, tw: implied/referenced self harm

lamb to the slaughter by skullcaid [Rated M, 405804 Words, Incomplete, Updated Aug 2022]

After being saved from a vicious and merciless kidnapper that had him for eight long traumatising weeks, Asher Foster is trying his best at normalcy; which means he continues to work at a local convenience store and continues to do his schoolwork.

However, his attempt at prevalence is postponed when he learns he has not one, but two older twin brothers, and now Asher's not only dealing with the aftereffects and the outcome of his own grisly dark past, but also with the task of meeting and understanding Andrew and Aaron Minyard and their own family, the Palmetto State Foxes.

But Asher's life is far from a fairy tale, and not all demons are content with staying buried.

or, there's another secret Minyard brother.

tw: kidnapping, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: murder, tw: violence, tw: vomit, tw: referenced forced feeding, tw: eating disorders, tw: paranoia

NB: extras from fic author @skullcaidd: ‘lamb to the slaughter’ book cover mockup (tw: blood, tw: injured animal) here, playlist here, and fandom fun post here. Fanart by @artattacker here and here, by @bevmvrsh here, and by @asher_katsumi on twitter here

just one thing series by Lyndis [Rated M/T, Collection, Updated July 2022]

Part 1: Just one thing [M, 3021 Words, Complete]

Neil is married off to Andrew Minyard. He tries to be a good husband. When he searches something in their shared bedroom he finds something unexpected, something very much not good.

Andrew likes Neil but he also knows his father and he knows what that man is capable of. He doesn't think for one minute that Neil is unharmed, even though his experience is strikingly beautiful. But while he is fully prepared to take care of his new husband, he had no clue what he was signing up for.

“These are for self-defense.”

“Of course they are.” Neil was quick to respond, looking up for the first time and giving his husband an empty, lifeless smile. He couldn’t do better at the moment.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: negative body image, tw: panic attacks

Part 2: The Butcher's Son [T, 3670 Words, Incomplete, Updated July 2022]

Neil kills their Chef. Andrew tries to find out what happened.

tw: blood/gore, tw: murder, tw: minor character death, tw: disordered eating, tw: implied/referenced forced starvation, tw: panic attacks

it would have been you by theresnothis [Rated T, 2142 Words, Complete, 2022]

Jeremy should have known. He should have fucking known. All the signs were there. How could he have been so blind?

tw: major character death, tw: suicide, tw: implied/referenced rape

What died didn't stay dead. by freshtaylorswiftduck [Rated T, 11065 Words, Complete, 2022]

Neil Josten is dead. Neil Josten was never even a real person.

Thank you. You were amazing.

And now Andrew Minyard was left with a pair of keys and nothing else.

tw: assumed major character death, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: depression

The Songs Around Us by doodlingstuff [Rated M, 80076 Words, Complete, 2022]

The mission was simple: Nathaniel would join Astral Foxes as Neil Josten and make them part of Moriyama Music.

In reality, Neil became real, found a home, and fell in love despite his lies.

When the Moriyamas send the Butcher to remind Neil of his mission and Andrew's life ends on the line, Neil will have to decide how to escape his fate and bring Andrew back.

Sometimes, music is the only answer, and others, as Neil will realize, truth is the only weapon you have to save the ones you love the most.

tw: car accident, tw: major character injury, tw: torture, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks

Skin Comes Apart (Angel in Lothian) by JuiceGremlin [Rated E, 60088 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2022]

Andrew has signed with a team halfway across the country. Neil is determined to make it work, to break the distance down into something manageable.

They are going to survive this.

That is, if Ichirou doesn't have other plans.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: blood/gore, tw: murder, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: panic attacks, tw: explicit sexual content, tw: implied/referenced nonconsensual drug use

Either Love is a Shrine or Else a Scar by Texfoxyard (twda1003) [Rated E, 2762 Words, Complete, 2022]

14 years.

He is 14 years old.

168 months. 5110 days. 122640 hours. 7358400 minutes.

That is how long he has been alive. Though alive would imply he has a spirit, a vigor for living, not his 14 years of barely surviving on scraps of food, scraps of affection, and scraps of love.

By all accounts, alive does not mean laying in a pool of his blood hours before he legally becomes a part of a family, finally belonging.

or, the one where pig Higgins doesn't come across Aaron, which means Andrew stays with the Spears'.

tw: major character death, tw: suicide, tw: rape, tw: csa, tw: self harm, tw: blood, tw: graphic depictions of violence

Run to You by Major_816 [Not Rated, 38078 Words, Complete, 2022]

Part 2 of The Books of Baltimore series, part 1 (also angsty) recced here

When Nathaniel wakes up after Baltimore he bides his time, and as soon as he’s left alone in his hospital room he does what he does best.

He wanted to stay this time. He’d even been dumb enough to think there was a minor chance he could pull it off. He knows better now, back in the seat of a hotwired car and heading North on instincts learned under the threat of death. Nathaniel fights until he runs, and he runs every fucking time.

Sometimes, Nathaniel wonders if that’s all he’ll ever be good at.

AKA - the one where Neil runs.

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: major character injury, tw: blood, tw: drugs

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go-foxes · 1 year

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01/BASICS

Full Name: Tanner Keith Sullivan Jr. Nickname: TK (At this point, the only person who calls him “Tanner” is his father—and, by extension, the rest of his step-family. It makes going to visit them feel like going to another planet, where he’s a different person. Mateo also has “Tanner” privileges, but because of the aforementioned father, he doesn’t really use them.) Birthday: March 3rd Gender/Pronouns: Cis Man, He/Him Sexual Orientation: Bisexual—he’s not closeted, but he does keep it a little close to the chest. Astrological Sign: Pisces (Pisces II, The Week of the Loner). Taurus Moon. Spoken Languages: English, Spanish he’s learned in school or from Mateo Birthplace: Oakland, California Relationship Status: Single

TRIGGER WARNINGS: references to illness/death

02/PHYSICAL TRAITS

Hair Color/Style: Dark, and well maintained: shaved on the sides, longer and slightly curly on the top. He likes to shave a cool racing stripe into one side. Eye Color: Brown Face Claim: Michael Evans Behling Height: 6’2” Tattoos: None Piercings: None—while he keeps dangling the possibility of matching tattoos over Mateo’s head, he hasn’t given in yet. Unique Attributes: He hit his growth spurt young, and was the first person on his high school Exy team to be able to grow decent facial hair. He’s had a convincing fake ID for just about as long. He has a pretty soft voice for someone of his height/build, and doesn’t really try to use his size to intimidate unless he’s on the court or backing Mateo up off of it.

03/PERSONALITY TRAITS/TYPES

Positive Traits: Loyal, responsible, empathetic, agreeable, reliable Negative Traits: Self-sacrificing, withdrawn, hesitant, holds grudges Hobbies/Interests: It’s always been Exy. They fell in love with it back in Little League, back when it felt like their father came to every game and every practice, back when he still showed up. When his mom got sick, when his father left, quitting was something he felt like he had to do—because it was just a game, because he needed to show that he could step up in his father’s absence, show that he could take care of things—but he never really stopped missing it. And, in those years when it was just him and his mother and both of them trying and failing to hold it all together, he never really had the time to find anything to take its place. But while he’s always been all about Exy, he knows it’s not the same for Mateo. He’s happy to watch while Mateo’s working on his bike, or throw in his two cents when he’s coming up with ideas of places they can go or things they can see. He’s easy-going like that, it’s enough for him to just—be there, hanging out. Major/Minor: Undeclared Insecurities: Over the years, there have been enough people who have thought that TK could be a good influence on Mateo—maybe chiefly among them Mateo’s father. A lot of those people usually end up disappointed, and it usually feels like it’s in TK, like he’s somehow allowing Mateo to be a bad influence on him, like he’s some kind of spineless coward that Mateo walks all over. No one seems to understand that it doesn’t have to be about someone being a good influence or someone being a bad influence—that they can just be friends, best friends, brothers. That TK doesn’t do things he doesn’t want to do. That maybe, just maybe, he likes the way that Mateo makes him fun, in a way that he doesn’t feel like he can be on his own. Quirks/Eccentricities: He’s fastidiously neat, whether that comes from not wanting to leave things laying around that his mom could trip on or from feeling like a guest in Eduardo Montes’ home that could be kicked out any time he changed his mind. He doesn’t like when there are dishes in the sink, and he keeps up with his laundry. MBTI Type: INFP, “The Mediator” (Mediators share a sincere curiosity about the depths of human nature. Introspective to the core, they’re exquisitely attuned to their own thoughts and feelings, but they yearn to understand the people around them as well. Mediators are compassionate and nonjudgmental, always willing to hear another person’s story. When someone opens up to them or turns to them for comfort, they feel honored to listen and be of help.) Enneagram Type: Type Six, “The Loyalist” (Of all the personality types, Sixes are the most loyal to their friends and to their beliefs. They will “go down with the ship” and hang on to relationships of all kinds far longer than most other types. They will typically fight for their beliefs more fiercely than they will fight for themselves, and they will defend their community or family more tenaciously than they will defend themselves.) Moral Alignment: Neutral Good Temperament: Phlegmatic

04/FAMILY & HOME

Immediate Family:

Parents: Tanner Sullivan (Father), Deanna Sullivan (Mother, deceased)

Step Family: Candice Ross-Sullivan (Step Mother), Madison Ross-Sullivan (Step Sister, 18), Mackenzie Ross-Sullivan (Step Sister, 13)

Chosen Family: Mateo Montes (Brother)

How do they feel about their family?: TK used to have an idealized view of his parents. And when the life that he lived in his childhood—the one where no one was sick, when he wasn’t worried about money, when he didn’t feel left behind—shattered, it felt like it split him right down the middle. But his mother needed him, while his father showed that he didn’t need either of them. And so TK idealized his mother even further, and channeled all of his grief and his resentment towards his father—probably even more than he deserved. And ever since his father left, since he found a new and better family and moved to a new state, TK’s done everything he can to not be like him. He wants to be reliable, dependable, he wants to keep his word.

He knows that his mother wasn’t perfect. She wasn’t a saint, she was just a person who got far worse than she deserved: from life, from her husband, from TK himself. And, somewhere deep down, he knows that the same is true for him: that he deserved much better than he got, including from her, even though it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t his fault either. They were both just doing the best they could, even if their best wasn’t good enough.

He’s never had much time for his step-family. When he was younger, he would spend his time at his father’s house worried sick about his mother, just waiting to get home. His father never shared those worries, he seemed so happy and so carefree in the life he built when he left them behind. But that life has never been TK’s life. He’s fought tooth and nail to keep himself in California, ran away and hid in Mateo’s house to keep himself from being taken to live with them in Minnesota. He doesn’t want another family. He calls his step mother by her first name, and his step-siblings feel like acquaintances at best.

With their absent, disappointing fathers and their dead, dearly missed mothers, he and Mateo have always seemed to have the important things in common, no matter how different they seemed on the outside. He’s loyal to Mateo, sometimes to a fault, but what people who write Mateo off don’t realize is that he’s the best friend or brother anyone could ever have. TK feels a lot of guilt for pushing Mateo away when things got bad with his mom, especially considering how readily Mateo opened his life and his home up to him when he needed him again. He doesn’t want to let Mateo down a second time. How does their family feel about them?: When TK’s father is around, he acts like everything’s okay, for the most part. Like there aren’t all these years and all this distance between them. Like he never missed phone calls, Exy games, child support payments. But, sometimes, when it suits him, he’ll show his resentment. Act like TK picked sides in the divorce, like it was some stupid childish thing.

The way his father really feels about TK shows in how his new family feels about him. They only get half the story, and it’s his father’s half. In that version, TK looks like a gold-digger. He looks like someone who found a meal ticket in the Montes family and has no room for his father anymore—no matter how much that hurts his father. TK tries not to spend time in Minnesota unless he has to, doesn’t see his father’s new family as his own, and so he doesn’t bother trying to change their minds. His older step-sister Madison seems to mostly see him as a dumb jock and has little time for him. His younger step-sister Kenzie, though, thinks he’s pretty cool, and has gotten into Exy—so there’s at least one person in Minnesota he can get along with.

His father left. He left TK, he left TK’s mom, and yet he always seemed to think that TK would be excited about the life that he built after he left them behind. Excited about his new house, his new family, excited about moving across the country to a place where they didn’t even play Exy, because they were all too busy playing hockey. When his mom got sicker, he thought he’d come to Minnesota. When he didn’t do that, when he did anything he could to avoid doing that, he still thought that maybe he finally would after she died.

They had a fight about it over the summer. TK told him he’d gotten into college, and his father just assumed that it was because Eduardo was paying for it, that he was paying for his son to take TK along to college like some kind of security blanket. Like it wasn’t something TK could have earned on his own.

They had another fight, when his father didn’t come to California for the funeral. He always cut and ran when things got hard, and he told TK that he didn’t think TK would want him there, not after they’d already fought about Palmetto. It felt like just another excuse. Pets: With name like Wentz, Wentz is undoubtedly Mateo’s dog, but TK loves him like he’s his own. Where do they live?: With Mateo in San Francisco, for the most part. As part of the deal that he struck with his father, though, he goes to Minnesota for summers and breaks. Description of their home: The Montes home is lavish, the kind of place where no matter how long TK’s lived there, he’s still worried about breaking things. His father’s home in Minnesota isn’t as big or as nice—that’s a high bar to clear—but it’s still bigger than the house TK grew up in, and that still makes him feel bitter. Description of their bedroom: TK is acutely aware that Eduardo Montes agreed to TK and Mateo’s scheme at least partially because it didn’t really matter to him, because it didn’t inconvenience him in any way. Because of that, TK has always lived like a guest in the Montes home, even when Eduardo wasn’t around to see it. The guest room closest to Mateo’s he claimed still mostly feels like a guest room with some Exy gear in it, and he cleans up after himself without waiting for the cleaning staff to do it.

When he visits his dad, he also sleeps in a guest room. Over the summers, his father would say things about making it his own, picking out some paint or some furniture together. But, like a lot of his father’s big ideas, they never materialized. But at least in that case, it’s not like TK wanted them to.

05/THIS OR THAT

Introvert or Extrovert? Introvert Optimist or Pessimist? Optimist Leader or Follower? Follower Confident or Self-Conscious? Quietly Confident Cautious or Careless? Depends on if he’s with Mateo or not Passionate or Apathetic? Passionate Book Smarts or Street Smarts? A little of both Compliments or Insults? Neither

06/FAVORITES

Favorite Color: Blue Favorite Clothing Style/Outfit: TK spent the last few years living on Eduardo Montes’ credit card, but he’s never really wanted Mateo to drop too much money on him, especially not on frivolous things like clothes. But he likes sportswear, mostly, track pants or joggers and sneakers and a snapback. He does have a bit of a vain streak, though, when it comes to showing off his gym gainz. Sleeves are optional, and most parties involve him finding some way to show off his abs. Favorite Bands/Songs/Type of Music: He mostly listens to what Mateo’s playing. He only really cares about controlling the music when he’s working out, and then it’s a lot of up-tempo rap and hip hop. Favorite Movies: He watches a lot of horror movies for someone who has to watch from behind his hands half the time. He says he doesn’t get scared, but sometimes they keep him up at night. Action movies are more his speed. Favorite Books: He isn’t much of a reader. He’s never had the best grades in school, either, but he’s trying to turn over a new leaf at Palmetto. Favorite Foods/Drinks: He isn’t a picky eater. Before he moved in with Mateo, he was mostly eating fast food or things he could cook himself—and though he learned to be a somehow competent cook out of necessity, it was never anything anyone could call gourmet. So he loves most anything as long as he’s not cooking it. A college dining hall feels like a dream. Favorite Sports/Sports Teams: Exy. He’s a lifelong fan of the San Francisco Storm and the USC Trojans. He also likes baseball and football, but in a more casual way. Favorite Time of Day: No matter how late he’s up, he seems to be a morning person. Favorite Weather/Season: Fall—especially when it meant coming back to California from Minnesota and Exy. Favorite Animal: Whales

#TK.#TK: INSP

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thespineoftherighteous · 2 years

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honestly thank God that aftg is centered around exy and not some real sport because let me tell you. I would not be able to take this seriously if Neil was risking his life out here for football or volleyball or freaking polo or basketball or even soccer or hockey.

because of the way Neil talks about exy, there's something so fantastical about it as an imaginary sport. like I know what it's like to play basketball and soccer and it's nice but it's hardly put-the-Mafia-on-my-ass-so-i-can-get-one-more-game-in nice. and if that's what he was staying for I'd judge him very much for that, idc if he waxes poetics about the smell of chlorine at the university pool or the feel of fresh turf beneath his cleats. but because I barely understand exy I'm just sat here like well I mean maybe the kid has a point who am I to say

#askdjkda but also?#'Kevin Day the queen of golf'#'the son of badminton'#coach gives his whole speech (which btw is one of my favorite things ever) about #'fight because you don't know how to die quietly'. and then its just the foxes marching out for a chess tournament #that is so awful #it just allows for me to believe that there's something magical asf about this game #like I've seen sports movies and those kids aren't even doing anything life threatening it's just them being very invested in the game that #has me all 'boy sit your ass down it's literally just football'#there's a fine line between Neil Josten jocks (affectionate) and Archie Andrews jocks (derogatory)#and that apparently depends on how fictional their chosen sports are #and like. troy bolton. spencer james.#dont get me wrong troy was one of the first lomls. but he's so dramatic it's sad #not Neil tho #that man is a philosopher #all his decisions are profound.. very meaningful #he can drop a spiel on the highs and lows of collegiate exy any day of the week and id lap that shit up #ill never see it as 'just exy'#neil josten #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #mine aftg

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allforthe-gays · 2 years

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kevaaron fluff

before practice aaron and kevin have a very intense stretching routine they do together. it takes them a solid 20 minutes to do every time but they refuse to practice without doing it first bc they dont want to sprain a muscle. neil complains about his legs being sore once and kevin then forces him and andrew to join them too.

pre-kevaaron stretch routines were absolute hell for andrew and neil bc they had to deal with kevin and aaron being flustered when they were watching each other do some of the stretches, or when they had to do the ones where one of them was lying on the ground and the other was pressing their leg into the air for them. andrew had never been happier that he ended his deal with aaron, bc now he could bully kevin into asking his brother out bc jesus christ he didnt want to see that much unresolved sexual tension involving his little brother.

kevin steals his dad's sams clubs card to by big multipacks of sports drinks and bulk buy healthy food. he always drags aaron with him, and theyll get churros in the food court to eat while theyre shopping. aaron complains to kevin that they dont go on enough dates and kevin goes "dude, we literally went to sams club last saturday" and aaron realizes how dumb his very pretty boyfriend is. "andrew i just realized im dating a himbo" "kevin's not a himbo he just forgets he's not straight sometimes"

aaron and kevin use hand warmers for their sore joints after practice, or will keep them in their pockets for when their hands are sore. they have the ones with adhesives to put on the inside of their clothing, and will use those on their legs when they have long classes after practice. matt walks in on kevin putting his arm down the front of aaron's pants to help him put the adhesive in the right place and is scarred for life. he sends kevin a 3 page word document titled "god i wish i were blind: a guide on how to have a healthy sex life when you have roomates who arent into voyeurism"

aaron sprains his ankle when kevin accidentally pushes him off of his bunk bed when they're making out bc he thought there was a wall behind him. kevin decided that it is too risky for him and aaron to kiss during exy season so from now on his relationship with aaron will be completely chaste until summer break. the decision lasted exactly 47 minutes, until aaron came back from his morning class.

sometimes kevin forgets that nicky is related to aaron and will start talking about how pretty he is and be offended when nicky doesn't agree with him "have you seen him stretch to get my cereal off of the top shelf? i want to have so many babies with him. dont you think he's great too?" "no lol" "fuck you, you have awful taste" "im literally his legal gaurdian" "oh, yeah."

aaron loves halloween so he 'forces' kevin to go to pumpkin patches and haunted houses with him. the twins used to work at one of the haunted houses so aaron knows all the hiding places in the building so he makes kevin hide with him to scare the actors and other people going through. they only go once, because an hour in andrew and neil show up and try to take their hiding place because they were gonna try to scare people too. aaron is horrified that his brother had the same date night idea that he had and never takes kevin to that haunted house again.

aaron makes kevin use his interview personality to get them discounts when they go out to eat. kevin and aaron are both broke college students so kevin very berdugingly will go along with aaron's plan. "babe i only have $3 for coffee but i wanted a bagel too~" "im not doing the thing" "come on you love doing it" "no i dont. im not doing it." "ok. guess ill just starve. you dont have to do the thing." "fine." "i just said you dont have to~" "im doing it. stop looking at me like that" "thanks babe i knew you loved me"

aaron is majoring in chemistry and has to take 8 different chem classes before he graduates, so kevin knows way more about chem then he needs to. aaron will take pictures of the cool reactions he gets to do in lab and send them to kevin bc kevin likes the colors. for his history major, kevin has to write a big paper so he writes about famous chemists so he can have aaron help him. aaron isnt really much help though bc theyll read about a discovery one of the chemists made and then go down a science rabbit hole and realize that kevin still doesn't know anything about the chemist.

this post is dedicated to my lovely besties with kevaaron requesties: @/lena.h.w @/kaaaaarts @abundance-ofemilys (@/aftg.bois) @allfourthefoxes @/ukumushu_the_bibliophile

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aftgandotherbooks · 3 years

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First time Neil cries in front of the foxes- Aaron

Aaron’s experience in witnessing Neil cry for the first time is quite different, and much more… passionate and confusing? You see, besides having Nicky take the twins in, and obviously having Katelyn in his life, Aaron hadn’t had much experience with kindness. Not many people have shown him what kindness is like, and thus he doesn’t know how to be kind. Which explains his asshole attitude

For Neil, until he met the Foxes, he had never experienced true kindness from anyone he considers family, or just anyone at all really. His perceived experience of kindness was the fierce and harsh protection his mother gave him. Aaron can relate to this as well with having his brother and his questionable means of protection.

One day Neil was in the library after Kevin’s 30-minute rant of why he has to actually try to pass his classes to be able to play exy.

He was sat at a computer trying to do the research for his psychology paper on the history of the DSM and how diagnosis of mental illness has progressed over the years.

Aaron, who also had a bio exam to study for was in the library trying to find a good spot to camp out for a few hours trying to wrap his head around the many factors of the nervous system.

After almost 8 months of joint therapy with his brother, he learned many things about himself, his brother… and unfortunately of Neil. One was Neil was fiercely protective of Andrew, as much as Andrew hates loves it. Aaron respects that.

It’s because of this begrudging respect, when Aaron saw Neil in the corner of the library hunched over a computer, he decided to sit next to Neil and pack out all his books and start studying.

Aaron had it all planned out, he was going to get through the parasympathetic nervous system the first hour and then move on to the sympathetic nervous system the next so that he can avoid falling behind with his meticulously made study schedule.

That is until he looked at Neil’s computer on what he was researching.

You see, Katelyn wants to be a neurosurgeon one day and has done a few psychology courses already. Aaron always loved listening to her passionate rants about mental illness and how completely unfairly the medical system had been treating and stigmatising those suffering with mental illness over the years and still today. Aaron himself has gotten very passionate about the topic.

So, seeing Neil who was completely oblivious to Aaron sitting next to him while trying to understand the journal articles he’s finding on mental illness and huffing every few seconds when not understanding half of what they say, Aaron kept an eye on him

After 5 minutes of Neil not moving past the same highlighted sentence, Aaron made a decision.

Aaron sighed as if trying to be nice is the worst chore he’s ever had to do, he said “the null is that’s there’s no difference between the two variables. You want to reject that there’s no difference”

Neil jumped, only then noticing Aaron as the person who was sat next to him. He raised his eyebrows. “What?”

Aaron rolled his eyes, “in the results section, where it says the research null hypothesis for the study was rejected, it means that what they were trying to find… was proven to be found in the study they conducted. That’s good, that’s what you want to hear.”

Aaron was… actually being helpful… kind…for once. Neil furrowed his eyebrows and read the sentence he’s been stuck on for the last 5 minutes again. And. Lightbulb moment.

It finally made sense! He clicked back to the other tabs of articles he’s been trying to figure out and it was like he just figured out a whole new language.

“Um… yeah thanks, that… actually helped a lot.” Neil said, refusing to look at Aaron.

“Yeah well… Katelyn’s been chatting my ears off after doing psychology stats last year” Aaron said, looking back to his own work.

Neil took a minute to process that Aaron actually helped Neil. Aaron, who spent a majority of his freshman year antagonising, or ignoring Neil’s existence completely… was being nice to him. Granted Neil wasn’t being very polite back.

It was quiet for a few minutes before Neil spoke again.

“Um… I actually found an article on the long-term effects of the different types of medications for bipolar. You should show it to Katelyn, she told me the other day that she’s interested in neuropsychology. She um… might find it interesting” Neil said in attempt of making conversation.

You see, Aaron and Neil having been trying to be civil after a major breakthrough in therapy when Andrew actually snapped and started yelling at Aaron about how ungrateful and pathetic Aaron had been acting for the few years they’ve known each other. After that, they started to communicate more, even if that communication meant playing video games with the occasional comment here and there, and sometimes grabbing lunch when they had a break between classes. Andrew and Aaron made a promise that they’ll actually try this time to be brothers. And this meant trying with their partners as well.

So, when Neil threw the ball, Aaron caught it.

Slowly and gruffly at first, Aaron started talking about what he learned from listening to Katelyn talking about how medication for mental illness should only be given when all other types of therapy have been attempted.

This conversation then moved onto medical trials and how unfair it is that medical trials were forced upon juveniles.

Which moved onto Andrew.

Turns out, when Betsy talked about the medication Andrew was forced to take and how severely Andrew was affected, Aaron spent days figuring out what exactly the medication was.

Aaron then told Neil about what he found. It was medication for major depressive disorder, and the medication specifically targeted the dopamine system… which would have been effective if the dose wasn’t so excessively strong for Andrew. Aaron told Neil about how instead of levelling the chemicals Andrew’s brain was lacking, it increased it past a healthy point, which resulted in making Andrew manic a majority of the time.

Neil listened to Aaron talk, taking notes for future research on ways to help Andrew overcome the trauma and side effects he faced from the long-term use of the medication alone.

The more Neil listened to Aaron’s passionate rant about the unfair treatment and mishandling of mental conditions, the more he saw how much Aaron really cared for his brother.

It got to the point where they were going on about how much Andrew changed over the last year and how he adapted to such terrible conditions throughout his life.

Talking about this was taxing to both boys. Neil actually started to get tears in his eyes, and Aaron too. Both refused to look the other in the eye, instead focussing on the computer screen in front of Neil.

When Aaron’s phone alarm went off to remind him to start studying the sympathetic nervous system, they both went quiet. They then looked at each other.

Aaron said “you’re still an insufferable asshole”

And Neil said “and you’re still an ugly midget dickhead”

“You’re dating my twin!” Aaron sputtered

“So?” Neil smirked and raised his eyebrow

And so, they both wiped their eyes, packed their things and left the library, (separately of course) and never spoke about their hour of bonding again.

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gdcee · 3 years

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Old Friends

Summary: Loki doesn't meet his three counterparts in the TVA's garbage dump at the end of time but someone else entirely.

Warnings: Some sexual innuendo. Troubling possessive childhood behaviour. Mention of unwanted sexual advances (not perpetrated by either of the main characters in the fic).

==============

Loki considers the words neatly painted in bright red letters on the large signpost.

NO LOKIS (except for the kid and alligator they're cool)

He squints, wondering if his earlier rough landing has jumbled some connections in the language processing bits of his brain. He shakes his head and reads again.

Nope, he evidently did not misread the bit about the alligator.

"What in the name of Buri's wrinkly left-"

Before Loki can finish uttering the obscenity, an overwhelming aura of powerful magic smothers him. He barely has a chance to retaliate before he's swept away like a pebble in a fluvial flood.

He finds himself lying on the half-withered gray-green grass, staring incredulously at the softly glowing incorporeal fetters wrapped about his chest and ankles.

There's only one person he knows with this particular type of binding magic.

But no, no it couldn't be. It couldn't possibly be-

"You have a lot of nerve," her achingly familiar voice rings out in the desolate silence. Her equally familiar face comes into view as she leans over his prone form, "Coming here."

"Sigyn," he can only manage a hoarse whisper at first, but giddy elation soon overtakes shock, and his mouth widens in a cheeky grin, "Oh, I'm certainly not doing that at present but since you've already skipped past dinner to the bonda-"

Sigyn whacks him sharply on the head with her staff. Not hard enough to cause any pain, but hard enough to startle him into silence.

"Brazen," she sighs, sounding more exasperated than offended, "Every single one of you."

"I prefer cockyyy-" Loki trails off at the unamused glare she shoots him, "-shutting up now."

"Good choice."

Sigyn shakes her head and dispels the fetters that hold him. Though familiar, in truth, Loki hasn't felt her magic so close to him in centuries. Not since they were children and he was showing her how to conjure fireworks in her hands.

He wonders briefly if her hair still smells like apple blossoms.

"Come on," she reaches for his hand and pulls him to his feet without waiting for his assent, "Time to go. You know the rules."

"I don't actually," Loki tries not to look upset when she lets go of his hand (pathetic, Norns, he is pathetic), "I don't even know where...what this place is." He frowns, considering. "Probably not Hel since you're here."

Sigyn coughs a short, sharp bark of a laugh. There's no humour in it.

"This is Hel," she says, "In all but name."

"So...I'm dead?"

Sigyn sighs again, closes her eyes and blows at the loose strand of hair hanging in her face.

"Wonderful. You're a new one then. You remember being pruned, yes?"

"Yes. Not very pleasant."

"Quite. Well, this-" she moves one arm in a fluid, graceful arc, gesturing in grandiose fashion at the depressing panorama of refuse and ruined buildings littered about the grey landscape. "-is where the TVA sends their rubbish. Everyone they prune, any physical material from a reset timeline - it ends up here."

"Everything?" Loki quirks an eyebrow, "Seems a little empty of clutter if the refuse of millions of dead timelines is being dumped here."

"Ah. Yes, that would be the work of the giant purple cloud monster of eternal, ceaseless hunger that devours all within its path."

An ominous sounding growl underlaid with the rumble of thunder sounds faintly in the distance.

Loki looks towards the distant horizon and sees a large dark, purplish smear like a fresh bruise in the grey sunless sky. Light flares and something that vaguely resembles a galaxy-class battlecruiser falls from the heavens. Immediately, the great bruised mass is upon the hulking remains.

He is uncomfortably reminded of that ridiculous nightmare he used to have about being phagocytosed by a giant amoeba (he longs for such innocent days, when his bad dreams were the result of his overactive imagination processing tedious microbiology lessons and not recollections of the various horrors he has experienced).

"That would be Alioth. The giant purple cloud monster. Don't ask me who came up with that name. Now if you'll excuse me-" Sigyn turns briskly on her heel and heads off in the direction beyond the NO LOKIS sign.

"Wha- hold on! You're just going to leave?You're leaving me to that thing??"

"Oh please, you'll have plenty of time before it gets here. Besides," she mutters, "You're a Loki. There's a thousand of you in this Norns forsaken wasteland. Trust me, if there's one thing you all do very well, it's survive."

Her words hurt more than he wants to admit. That bad memory loop with Sif had been more painful for obvious reasons, but...he knew what Sif thought of him. Even back then, those words she'd thrown at him had not surprised him.

As a child, he'd always felt special to Sigyn. She'd wanted to be his friend, his own true friend and not just Thor's friend who didn't mind having Loki along for the ride. She'd liked the same things he did. She'd always laughed at his jokes and pranks.

He'd felt like he mattered to her.

Of course that had only made him abominably possessive. He just couldn't abide any other child having her attention. The fear of an insecure wretch - so terrified that if Sigyn looked away even for a moment, she would see something better, that she would find him wanting.

He shouldn't have been surprised when Sigyn did not protest at her father sending her to live with her late mother's relatives on Alfheim when her true powers manifested on the cusp of puberty.

He'd...he'd said such awful things to her before she'd gone. When two people have been friends for centuries, they know exactly what to say to make it hurt. Sigyn had given back as good as she got, but instead of petty childish insults, her accusations had rung with truth.

She'd known why no one wanted to be her friend, she'd known exactly what he'd been doing behind her back - all the tricks, all the schemes, everything he'd done to ensure that none would take his friend from him.

As a parting shot she'd declared that even though he'd been horrid, she had stayed his friend because she had cared about him. That he had been special to her and she hadn't wanted to lose him either.

It was one thing to lose his only friend besides his brother - it was another to know that all his fears had been naught but smoke and mirrors. That he had been awful, that he'd made Sigyn sad and disappointed for absolutely nothing.

She had returned to Asgard.

Eventually.

Týr could only use the excuse of his daughter's magical education for so long. Someone of her abilities was too important an asset for the Allfather to ignore.

In the end, they had come to a reconciliation (of sorts) because they were tired of avoiding each other.

Or perhaps, the more simple truth (that neither would have admitted to) was that they missed each other.

They were never again as close as they'd been as children, but they'd stayed friends (or friendly at least). On good enough terms that the Warriors Four had not sought her out to spin their tale of treachery and magical incursion (Sigyn certainly would have been the ideal person to subdue a treacherous, power-mad and magically gifted regent). But not on good enough terms that he would have approached her for help in his ill-conceived scheme to delay Thor's coronation (perhaps events would have played out more favourably if he'd had someone to bounce ideas off).

That had been his Sigyn anyway. The one who didn't even exist now. Reset into non-existence by the TVA along with everything else on the timeline he'd been taken from.

Did you mourn, he'd asked his brother.

We all did.

He wonders if the Sigyn he'd known had mourned him.

The Sigyn briskly walking away now seems ill-inclined to mourn any Loki. What had the Loki of her timeline done to make her want to have nothing to do with him? He isn't sure if he wants to know.

He is tired. So very, very tired. Tired of feeling responsible for things he has not done (yet? is it really destiny if your life is just a series of bullet points on a checklist created and enforced by a totalitarian bureaucratic organization built by person or persons unknown?). Tired of not being able to do anything to make amends for the things that he actually is responsible for.

Except...he can.

Sigyn isn't a memory construct, she is real, she is here.

It's just one thing, one little thing and it is paltry compared to the other ill-deeds he has committed (and the ones he is fated to commit)-

But it's something at least.

Loki catches up to her easily (being roughly a head taller has its advantages) and grabs the end of her staff.

"Sigyn-"

She fixes him with those sharp, dark eyes and he realises he doesn't know how he's supposed to start this. He swallows past the lump in his throat and says the first word that comes to mind.

"Please."

Her eyes soften just a little, but her mouth remains set in a firm, hard line, and she tries to tug the staff out of his grasp.

He doesn't let go.

"Stop trying to stall me."

"I'm not-" Loki bites back the instinctive protestation and soldiers on. "I need to tell you I'm sorry about what I said before Alfheim and for everything I did before that. I'm sorry that I was selfish, I'm sorry that I didn't trust you, I'm sorry I made you cry and...I'm sorry I wasn't a worthy friend to you."

"...Loki," her voice is soft, "That happened centuries ago. I'm not...I'm not even the Sigyn you need to apologize to."

"You're still Sigyn. You deserve one regardless."

Sigyn has that look on her face. That gentle, pensive consideration tinged with something soft and tender that he can't quite name. She used to look at him like that whenever he did something nice (whether unprompted or as an apology for something not so nice he'd done earlier).

Norns. This is getting awkward. Existential fear at the potential cessation of his existence and his childhood night terrors featuring improbably large unicellular organisms notwitstanding, Loki thinks he might not mind if that giant purple cloud trundled in right now and swallowed him up.

"Well, I'd best get on, hadn't I? Surviving and all that?" He coughs, "I...I'm...it was good to see you again. Thank you for not kneeing me in the crotch mid-apology. I appreciate it."

He turns to leave. He doesn't have a clue where to go, but the opposite direction from the purple cloud monster seems like a good start.

Maybe he'll survive long enough to come across Mobius. Half of him wants to find the man as soon as possible (perhaps also be complimented on his intelligence and the betterment of his moral condition). The other half hopes that he never sees him again (because brainwashed amnesiac variant or not, Mobius has subjected him to very unpleasant situations designed to psychologically shatter him. Loki is the last person in the universe who would hold someone entirely responsible for actions undertaken after their minds have been tampered with, but still. Just because he understands doesn't mean he can forget.)

As for Sylvie...Loki doesn't want to think about it, but if the TVA is smart, they wouldn't prune her. They wouldn't risk a repeat of whatever had happened on Lamentis-1, and since he is already here...

"Catch."

The improbable sound of Sigyn's voice startles him from his ruminations and without thinking his hand shoots up to intercept the small rectangular object wrapped in plastic and foil before it hits his face.

Loki stares at the granola bar (expiry date 12/12/2075) incredulously and then at Sigyn, walking briskly at his side and keeping pace with his long strides.

"I thought you-"

"You looked hungry."

"Sigyn, I believe this is what the Midgardians call 'giving mixed signals'."

"Look," she sighs, "I've been looking for...someone very dear to me for a very long time. I can't deny I feel some resentment for everyone I meet wearing his face. My baggage isn't an excuse for my rough treatment of you. It was unfair of me, and I apologise."

He blinks, not quite sure what to make of what she's telling him. Sigyn had never been one to mince words, she either said exactly what was on her mind or nothing at all.

That she is being deliberately vague and yet throwing up strong implications with her choice of words means that she does not want to lie but believes the truth is not something that he will be happy to hear.

Well, by now he's had a lot of experience dealing with unpleasant truths. Another one added to the pile is hardly going to hurt.

Sigyn has just started drinking from a battered metal canteen when he voices his suspicions.

"It's Theoric, isn't it?"

She chokes and spits out half of her drink.

"What?!" She wheezes, "What in Ymir's hoary arse gave you that idea?!"

"Didn't you fancy him back in-" Loki grimaces, snapping his fingers as he tries to pinpoint the date in question, "That year when burgundy was all the rage. Burgundy, scandalously low necklines and uncomfortably tight trousers."

"I went on a date with him because he was handsome, he was annoying me and I was young and stupid," she sneers, "He tried to put his hand up my skirts an hour into the picnic so trust me, after that I wanted nothing to do with the louse."

Something a little too much like that old familiar selfish anger bubbles up in his chest.

"He dared," he growls, "He dared to put his hands on you. He should have had his filthy paws struck off at the wrist for the insult to your dignity."

"Eat your granola, don't crush it," Sigyn says calmly, "In any case, I resolved the situation quite easily and without bloodshed."

"Shame," Loki mutters. He takes a bite of the now somewhat crumbly Midgardian snack and wrinkles his nose at the taste. "So how did you handle that son of a bitch?"

"I rendered him impotent for a year. I would have kept it permanent but he came crawling on his hands and knees begging for my forgiveness, swearing on the souls of his ancestors never to trouble me again, vowing to gift me his firstborn as my thrall etcetera etcetera..." she shrugs, "What can I say? I'm soft."

Loki doesn't remember the last time he's laughed this hard.

#loki #sigyn #mcu #logyn #more implied than anything #this thing has been sitting in my drafts for a week and a half

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codename-adler · 3 years

Text

foxes + onesies (8/9)

based off of that one post i saw and don’t remember, where people once caught Allison wandering around Fox Tower in a giraffe onesie, and i absolutely melted for her. here is the Foxes’ journey to getting a onesie each!

Aaron

TW: mentions of hospitalization and drugs, implications of abuse, mental illness and murder

Aaron tries very hard

that phrase alone could very well sum up his existence

he tries to be a good student

he tries to be a good backliner

he tries to be a good teammate

he tries to be a good person

he tries to be a go- he tries to be a brother

he tries so, so hard

but life is harder

he’d tried being a good son, and failed

his mother was dead, and died hating him

he’d tried being a good boyfriend, and failed

Katelyn was gone, and left him crying

so Aaron was trying, and now?

he was trying to find himself, to grow, to heal…

which was very, very difficult when in counselling sessions with your just-as-traumatized twin brother

they’d both worked through Andrew and Neil’s non-relationship, and through Aaron and Katelyn’s fallout

Aaron had expected it to be the other way around

turns out that while he thought Katelyn deserved better, she thought he deserved better too

she had her own demons to deal with too, in the end

and so while everyone pretty much expected Aaron’s demons to be too big for Katelyn, it was hers that had been too much for the both of them

he couldn’t reach her, couldn’t get through to her, couldn’t help her

one fateful night, she had asked him, sobbing and breathless, to make the call

the call to take her away, the call to save her from herself

the paramedics had put her on a gurney, and they had said their goodbyes

I’m sorry Aaron… I’m so sorry, I wanted to be strong for you… I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m so scared… It hurts so much, Aaron… I’m sorry… Please take care of yourself, baby, please… I’m sorry…

she was wheeled away, and hadn’t seen her in a year since

they corresponded, though

4 months into her admission at a private psychiatric hospital, she had sent him a handwritten letter

she had told him about her routine, her new friendships, her therapists…

she’d told him about the work she was doing on herself, about the traumas she had been too ashamed to share with him…

after the fifth or sixth letter, Aaron had started responding

he never told anyone

until this week

he’d lost count of how many letters he’d received from her, and how many he’d sent her back

but this letter…

this one was different

this one broke his heart so much, that he walked out of his dorm, the letter still clutched in one hand, grabbed Andrew on his way out of Fox Tower, and made him drive to Betsy’s office

without a single word

Betsy was surprised, to say the least, to see Aaron entering first, distress in his eyes, and Andrew following close behind, clueless

Aaron handed Betsy the letter, sat down, elbows on his knees, head in his hands, eyes closed

Bee: Correct me if I’m wrong, Aaron, but from what I understand of the situation, you would like to share this with Andrew?

Aaron: And with you. Bee.

Bee: That is very generous of you Aaron. And brave. Would you like me to read the letter out loud?

Aaron nodded, never looking up

My dear Aaron,

What I’m about to tell you in this letter is very different from our usual correspondence. You know I’ve been working on things since the beginning of my hospitalization. Big things. Ugly things. But important things. And you are not a thing, Aaron, but you are important. You were forced to play a role in the mess that was my life, but that role saved me. From myself. You made the tough call, you took it upon yourself to protect me, even if it meant putting me away and losing me. Losing us.

I’m not so good with spoken words, and I feel safe here, in this bubble we’ve created for ourselves. But I would like you to believe me when I say that the words I’m about to tell you, I would repeat them to you outloud for the rest of my life if it could make amends for what I’ve put you through. One word from you and I would come in person to tell you how much I mean them.

I am grateful for you, Aaron Minyard.

I am eternally thankful that you have crossed the path of my life. You have helped me in more ways than you know, in more ways that I could possibly imagine. It’s so important that you know that, Aaron. It’s important to me, because you deserve to know, and you deserve the recognition. Because I know you don’t think much of yourself. Because I know you think this was all your fault. Because I know you, a little bit, at least. You did the best you could with what you had, and it was enough, Aaron. You cared for me when you didn’t have to, when you couldn’t, when you were going through it yourself, and I can’t thank you enough. But I can try. So here it is: Thank you, Aaron. Thank you. For everything. You were amazing.

However, there is another thing I need to say. A harder thing. But I must take responsibility for my actions, for both my sake and yours. You need to know. You need to know.

I am sorry, Aaron. I am sorry that you had to make that call. I am sorry that you had to witness my breakdown. I am sorry that I had to leave like that. I am sorry that I broke your heart. I am sorry for all the pain and hardship I’ve put you through. I am sorry for all the times I’ve lashed out at you, when really I wanted to lash out at my life. I am sorry for all the times I hurt you, when really I wanted to hurt myself. I am sorry that you had to watch me fall like that. I am sorry that you had to pick up the pieces alone, that you had to get back up alone. I am sorry for all the times I’ve said cruel things just to be mean and to hurt you, for all the grief I’ve caused you, all of it. This is my official, explicit, conscious and honest apology to you. I’m apologizing for all the wrongs I’ve done you, because it was my fault and you didn’t deserve any of it. I take full responsibility. And I am not expecting forgiveness in return. This is a no-strings-attached apology. I could apologize to you forever and still not be worthy of your forgiveness. So I won’t be waiting for it. I won’t be begging for it. This is all yours. I’m sorry, Aaron. I need you to know that. Because I know you think you deserve what happened, because I know you think it was all your fault. It wasn’t. It was mine. It is still mine. And know that I am not only apologizing in words. I will try everything in my power to make it up to you. Whatever it takes. I promise you that, Aaron.

Love,

Katelyn

as Betsy folded the letter, Aaron’s tears dripped down on the office carpet

Andrew was silent, eyes fixed on the piece of paper

Betsy waited a few minutes to let everyone soak in the moment

Bee: This is a very beautiful and heartfelt letter, Aaron. From what I understand, you and Katelyn have been writing letters since she “moved”?

Aaron nodded, still silently crying in his hands

Bee: Are your exchanges always like this?

Aaron shook his head

Bee: Okay, I see. Is this the first time a letter from her has made you cry?

another nod from Aaron

Bee: And why do you think that is?

Aaron: I don’t know…

his voice was rough from crying

Bee: Well, I think I might have an inkling, you tell me if it resonates with you. I believe, Aaron, that this is the first time someone has ever formally apologized to you, yeah? You are not someone that has grown up with that kind of care, that kind of responsibility. That kind of praise. I think you know that this is some kind of opportunity for closure, of course, but it goes deeper than that, doesn’t it? Someone cares for the wrongs they’ve done, for the hurt they’ve caused you. And you are not used to that. You are not used to being apologized to. You are not used to this type of kindness. Katelyn did not have to apologize and express her gratefulness. You didn’t expect her to. But she did. That means something to you, yeah?

Aaron’s heart broke a little more at that, before mending a little, too

he cried harder

and Andrew was watching all of this from his seat, seemingly unconcerned

he knew this wasn’t necessarily about him, that this was about Katelyn, and Aaron, and about showing Andrew that she didn’t deserve his hatred and his knives

but he did care

after he drove Aaron back to the dorms and told Kevin to watch his brother, he went for a drive

to think

he only came back once he had thought of something to do with Aaron

damn Josten for softening him

he threw Neil and Nicky out of their dorm, and went to retrieve the Stitch onesie from the back of his closet

he looked for the brand tag, looked it up online and made his purchase

he even paid for accelerated shipping

the day his order arrived, he went to the same convenience store where he’d found his precious DVD, and bought a stupid ugly postcard with a lighthouse on it

in a very neat handwriting, Andrew wrote what he had to say

he then went looking for his brother, but he didn’t have to look far

since that session with Bee, where Kevin was, Aaron usually was too

and Kevin was always at the court

but Andrew found them both sitting on the court’s floor, all geared up, yet watching something non Exy-related on Kevin’s phone

weird

that didn’t stop Andrew

he went back to the locker room, refusing to disturb the weird little thing that was going on there

he left the package and the postcard in Aaron’s locker, and left

a few hours later, as Kevin went to shower and Aaron opened his locker, Andrew’s gift was found

the postcard had slipped to the back of the locker, so Aaron retrieved the plastic bag and opened it first

he didn’t understand

it was a big, fluffy thing, bright yellow

what the fuck

it’s Pikachu

it’s a Pikachu onesie

it’s a fucking Pikachu onesie

what the fuck

he hadn’t thought about Pokemons since… well, since Tilda died

he had collected them, the cards, and the figurines

but he’d sold the toys for drug money

and he’d lost all his cards in the… accident

he’d left his three hundred-something card collection in the car, for some reason he couldn’t remember

but the crash had burnt and bloodied them all

when Nicky had adopted the twins, he had bought Aaron some new ones, but it didn’t compare… it couldn’t replace what he had lost

and now he was holding an adult-sized Pikachu one-piece pajama

he still couldn’t wrap his head around it when he found the postcard peeking from the back of his locker

he took it, his hand trembling terribly

he read the back

later, Kevin found Aaron sitting on the bench, still in his Exy uniform, smiling but crying

He’s so fucking stupid, Kevin, look at this shit

Kevin looked, indeed, at this shit

Kevin didn’t understand what he was looking at, but then Aaron handed him the postcard

Aaaron hadn’t told this story to anyone but Kevin, so he understood immediately what it said, and who wrote it

Kevin placed his big hand on the back of Aaron’s neck and squeezed a bit, an offer of comfort

he still didn’t understand what the yellow monstrosity was supposed to be, but he understood what it all meant

Aaron held the card closer to his heart than the onesie

everytime things became hard with Andrew, he wore Pikachu and he looked at the postcard

he focused on the little lighthouse, on the small, precise letters, on the ink of the pen

he focused on the words

Sorry I trashed your Pokemon cards

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writingpuddle · 3 years

Text

The other night best friend and I (yes, that best friend) were riffing on trans Neil headcanons over the phone, but a realistic trans treatment of aftg gets dark real fast, so without further ado:

~The Mafia May Be Sexist (But It’s Not Transphobic!) AU ~

(tmmbsbintau, if you will)

Does this premise make sense? No, but if Nora can write about made up mafia sports, I can write a nonsense AU where transphobia doesn’t exist okay this is my party and ill be self-indulgent if i want to

We open with baby Neil, who was named after his maternal grandmother or smthg idk

Now lets say Neil is one of those “I always knew I was trans” kids

So even at a fairly young age he was like, nope this is wrong

For the most part his dad basically ignores him (what use is a girl to me???) but if he makes the mistake of getting in the way it’s the usual shit with knives and hot irons and basically Neil’s bog-standard Traumatic Childhood

His mom signs him up to play Exy to get him out of the house, and he loves it, because of course he does

Now tiny Neil may be terrified of his father

But remember transphobia isn’t real

So he when he’s about ten years old he tells his parents over dinner

His mom just puts her fork down and says that’s alright

But Nathan

Nathan

Nathan’s eyes start to glow

He has a son? Not a useless daughter?

He’s practically levitating with glee

And Neil, poor Neil, who has never had any positive reinforcement—from either parent, Mary, you’re not innocent in this—he soaks it up

Nathan puts both hands on his son’s—his son’s!—shoulders and dubs him Nathaniel

His son, his heir, his legacy

Mary takes one look at the possessive look in her husband’s eyes and thinks oh hell no

For the next few days Nathan absolutely showers Nathaniel with affection

He takes him to the hairdresser and buys him a whole new wardrobe, neglecting his mafia duties in order to dote upon his new son

It is possibly the happiest week of Nathaniel’s life

And then he wakes up in the night with his mother’s hand on his mouth and is given less than a minute to pack his things

Now he’s grown up in a criminal household; the notion of making a run for it isn’t exactly foreign to him

But it’s not until they’re in the car that Nathaniel realizes that his father is nowhere to be seen

Where’s dad? He asks

Shut up, his mother hisses, and slams the car into gear

From then on, he is never Nathaniel

His mother is 100% on board with his transition, but…not really anything beyond that

After all, people will be looking for a woman and a trans boy, which means Mary’s investment in Neil’s gender pretty much starts and ends with him passing as cis

She gets him all the medical treatments he needs (on the black market, since they’re on the run)—puberty blockers when he’s younger, testosterone when he’s older

But he’s never allowed to acknowledge being trans whatsoever

Not to his classmates, not to his teachers

He never gets the chance to have a queer community, or explore the nuances of his gender, because the only presentation they can afford for him to have is Masculine Cis Boy. The restriction is stifling. It’s suffocating.

Neil hates her for it

His life was, so briefly, perfect

He had his father’s love and approval for a day, a week, and he is both old enough to remember his father’s cruelty and young enough to believe that it could end

Nathan is incandescent

When he realizes what Mary has done he goes to the Moriyamas in a storm of fury

She stole my SON! He bellows

Now the Moriyama’s didn’t particularly care about Neil back when they thought he was a girl

Girls in the mafia are basically just for child-rearing, so he wasn’t a threat

So once they figure out what Nathan is talking about (this takes a sec, owing to Nathan having not previously gotten around to telling them about Nathaniel’s revelation), their first thought is that look, we might do the nepotism thing here in our family, but underlings don’t get to do the nepotism thing. Sorry, them’s the breaks

Obviously, Mary has to die—nobody’s disputing that, a woman who robbed her husband and stole his son? Only death will right that wrong—but Kengo tells Nathan that he’ll help find Nathaniel on the condition that he’s given to the Ravens upon capture

Nathan is utterly confident that his son—his son!—will perform admirably. He accepts the deal without a second thought

So they’re on the run for years and years, and Neil’s resentment towards his mother festers, but he never acts out too much, and he doesn’t contact his father

He almost does a couple times, but then he presses his hand to the iron scar on his shoulder and he can’t quite make himself go through with it

He’s sixteen when Nathan catches up with them in Seattle

There’s a shootout and Mary and Neil almost get away

But

Nathan arrives

Nathaniel! He shouts. My boy!

And Neil lurches to a stop

There is his father, walking towards him, his eyes still shining with the same fierce love and pride from when he was ten

Nathaniel, his father says. Hasn’t this gone on long enough?

Come home.

Mary is trying to drag Neil away, but he’s too fixated on his father

Can I? Neil asks. Can I really?

Of course, Nathan says. Everything is forgiven. I’ve even secured you a place on the Ravens. Didn’t you always love Exy? Come home with me, Nathaniel

Neil can barely believe it. His father is offering him everything he ever wanted. His mother has been keeping him from this, his whole life?

Why would they run?

And through this whole exchange Nathan has been getting closer, and Mary is pulling Neil back, and now he’s close enough to touch and the sound she makes is like something physical tears when she finally releases Neil and tries to flee

She isn’t fast enough

Nathan’s grin is as wide as the sun when his cleaver bites into Mary’s waist

Blood pours out

Neil screams

Mary clutches her side, staggering away, but it’s obvious she won’t make it far

Dad, no, Neil says. Don’t—

Shh, his father says. Don’t be afraid. She kept us apart all these years. She deserves to die.

And Neil—

Neil has hated his mother for most of his life

But he looks at the woman who has struggled so long to protect him—who has failed as often as she succeeded, but who fought anyway, everyday—and the man whose eyes are bright with glee at her pain

And he makes a choice

He only has a split second to see the betrayal in his father’s eyes before the pipe in his hand slams into his head and he pitches forward, unconscious

Neil does not wait to see if he survives

He grabs his mother and they run, her arm locked on his shoulder and her palm pressed to the wound on her side

Neil puts her in the passenger seat and jumps in, throwing the car in gear

You need a hospital, he says, frantic

No, she hisses, pinning a towel to her side. No hospitals

Guilt floods through him as he looks at her pale face

Sticky red handprints smear on everything she touches

I’m sorry, mom, he says, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry—

Enough, she says. Drive

He drives

He drives, and drives, and he follows her instructions, and later he wouldn’t have been able to say if he actually thought she would survive; he believed it, because he had to, because he had never been without her; he knew better, because gut wounds are slow, but they are inexorable

He parks on the beach and there are tears pushing at his eyelids but he chokes them down

I’m sorry, he said, I never should have believed him. I’m sorry—

You never would have been enough for him, she says, and Neil flinches

Her hand finds his chin and she yanks him down to meet her eyes, her gaze fierce.

He never loved you, she says. He would have made you in his image, and when you failed he would have torn you apart. I would not—I would not watch him try to make my son a monster. Don’t—don’t waste it

Mom, what are you saying—

Promise me, she says

Promise you won’t go back to him

She is dying

Neil can’t refuse

He promises

She releases his face and her red fingerprints on his face burn like brands. He can feel them hours after the tears wash the blood away.

Her last few breaths are jagged as broken stones before she rattles to a stop, and Neil is alone

He burns her body and staggers out onto the road and he keeps moving, he keeps moving, because he knows if he stops he’ll shatter

His hesitation has cost him his mother’s life

But his action costs him his fathers love

In one blow, Neil broke the golden image Nathan had of his perfect son, and now all Nathan wants is to destroy him

He finds his way to Millport almost on instinct alone

He finds one of Mary’s contacts who can supply him with the hormones he needs to continue passing and squats in an empty house and speaks to none of his classmates

When the Exy team tryouts are announced, he goes, intending to only watch from a distance

Perhaps it is inevitable he’s sucked in

There is so little light in his life

Can he be forgiven for wanting one little spark?

The Foxes come for him in May, and Kevin doesn’t recognize him, because how would he? Even if they met as kids, Kevin never saw Neil post-transition

Wymack ends up telling him something about Kevin’s past and the truth about the Ravens, and Neil pales a little bit, remembering how his father had said he’d gotten Neil a place on their line-up and finally understanding why

And sometimes he looks at Kevin with blinding jealousy for the life Neil didn’t get to have, and sometimes he sees him nearly comatose with fear and drinking vodka like it’s water, and his stomach hurts thinking how cheerfully his father would have consigned him to the same fate

So canon proceeds and Neil still bitches Riko out on live TV, and Riko still manages to acquire Neil’s fingerprints

And would you believe that? The Foxes mouthy new rookie is [deadname], Nathan Wesninski’s brat?

Well, well, well

At the banquet Riko pokes and prods until Neil finally snaps, and as Dan drags the team away from the wreckage Jean grabs Neil’s arm and says, low and fast in French, You’ll meet with us later

Why the fuck would I do that? Neil demands

Because otherwise everyone will find out that the Butcher is your father

Neil can’t hide his flinch and Kevin’s eyes go wide

They flee the scene, but before they even reach Coach, Kevin is already rounding on Neil

Is it true? He croaks

Not now, Neil says

But Kevin reads confirmation in Neil’s deflection

I didn’t know [deadname] had a brother, he says

Now here is the thing

Names are obviously a touchy subject with a lot of trans people, and certainly with Neil in particular

But with everything that just happened, Neil is a bit preoccupied, and it’s been a long time since he’s associated himself with that name

Since before he stopped using it, truthfully

And so his response is out of his mouth before he can even think twice

“Who?”

Kevin nods seriously, because he is wise to the ways of mafia bosses, and it’s not exactly shocking that Nathan Wesninski had a mistress and a secret second child, especially considering his first child had been a girl

It’s several moments before Neil puts two and two together and realizes that he has inadvertently slipped through a perfect loophole

He’s failed his mother so many times, but at least this secret is still safe, and he clings to that

Neil’s gender doesn’t really affect his interpersonal relationships with the Foxes—he’s already changing out separately, so this isn’t even a whole other thing

It’s harder to hide his testosterone when he’s living in shared dorms, but he has everything in the safe and figures out the safest schedule to open it up when he’s sure Matt will be in class

Andrew finds out when they start hooking up

But remember transphobia isn’t real so it’s sort of more like Andrew goes to undo his pants and is like wait your dick is removeable? Okay.

And then he just gets on with it

So Binghamton and Baltimore happen as canon, and if Neil had ever harboured hopes that his father would forgive him and love him again, they’re broken for good when his father stalks in and sees him shivering and just grins

It is the smile of someone who has torn someone off a pedestal and is going to enjoy reducing them to dust

Nevermind that Nathan had been the one to put him on that pedestal in the first place

Stuart deus-ex-machinas us out of the maws of death and we end up back in that classic Baltimore scene with the Foxes, and they still claim him, and they still take him home

He tells them all about his mafia father and life on the run, and it doesn’t really click until later that he forgot to mention the trans thing

Not like he, you know, has to tell them, and being trans is hardly an issue in Exy since it’s co-ed, but it would probably be nice to see a real doctor instead of keep buying his hormones illegally

And moreover, he wants the Foxes to know him

So they hit the cabin in the mountains and everyone knows Neil doesn’t drink, but when Andrew pours him a shot, he takes it

Ooh, Nicky says, Is Neil about to start spilling his secrets?

Allison snorts. What secrets does he have left?

Uh, Neil says

Wait, Allison says. There’s more secrets????

Yeah, he says. Um, I’m trans

There’s a pause

Well, that’s no good, Allison said. We didn’t have a bet going on that

Everyone laughs, and Neil smiles, and he looks at the sunset and remembers his mother, and he remembers a life filled with hiding, and secrets, and loneliness

Bats swoop in the twilight beyond the cabin, and he turns towards the warmth and light inside, and he does not look back

#self indulgent trans au is self indulgent #my writing #aftg #andreil #trans neil #trans headcanons #this is actually a bit angsty be warned #i was so high on the transphobia doesnt exist part #that i forgot neils whole life is a goddamn tragedy for a seconde #tmmbsbintau

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i-did · 3 years

Note

Ur view on raven!Andrew was rlly interesting! Do u think theres any way for an au like that to end, not happily necessarily, but with everyone not dead cuz Andrew tried to/succeeded in killing Riko/the others and the mafia just decided 'fuck it' and killed them all?

Sober-Andrew is very calculated and manic-Andrew as more erratic against his will. The ravens would definitely get him off his meds early, maybe Kevin even tried to offer it as a bribe to get him to join, especially because it hinders his playing.

But Andrew knew the ravens were intense and cared about exy, while Andrew doesn’t (sort of). Playing exy requires effort, effort Andrew didn't have in him, and only agreed to sort of try with the foxes because of his deal with Aaron and how Wymack offered full rides to Aaron and Nicky too.

It would take a lot for Andrew to join the ravens in my opinion, Andrew is really smart, and it's an open secret just how almost all ravens fail professionally, unable to cope with the trauma and be team players. Most ravens don’t even make it off the bench– especially strikers. “Everyone thinks they’re the exception, not the rule”

Andrew definitely would look into them, suspicious on a team that can offer as much as it can and has the results it does. If Andrew were to go in as raven, it would be with the worst in mind, as he goes into most in life.

I think it could go down pretty Tarantino tho, some real no country for old men* or reservoir dogs type shit. I don't think Andrew would just go on a mass killing spree and call it a day, especially because if he were to do killing, he’s aware of the possible consequences and willing to take them. He didn't stab Tilda, he crashed the car, willing to die in the process. If he made a deal with one of the ravens, maybe Kevin or Jean, in a self-destructive manner he might kill Riko point-blank, and take whatever comes as both a way to hold up his end of the deal as well as get out of the nest. But I can also see him threatening Riko the first time Riko ever tries to put his hands on Andrew, manipulate him in any way, and Andrew just says fuck that “touch me again and ill cut your fingers off” and then follows through with his threat.

Andrew can take Riko in a fight. Riko is a few inches taller, but he's also a striker and likely lean and fast, Andrew is a goalie and is both wide and fast, and doesn't rely on others to hold someone down like Riko does. Andrew is a threat on his own, Riko uses psychology and years of abuse and manipulation and money and his followers. Purely physical? Andrew would win no doubt. Purely a mental game? Andrew would also win since Riko gets frustrated and lashes out, makes mistakes and Andrew could catch those. Andrew also doesn’t care about himself which is unfortunately an element that would make him have more advantage over Riko. He has self-preservation and self-destruction, he doesn't allow himself to care about things so Riko would struggle to manipulate him. I believe Riko would have his go-to tactics and would pick up on what Andrews secret soft spots are as well though, like he does in canon.

Honestly, this ask is so interesting because it's just the tip of the iceberg in so many ways this can all go down. My mind unfortunately doesn't have instinctual first responses, but instead many many follow-up questions. When reading this I think about what caused Andrew to join in the first place and why and how his relationship with Nicky and Aaron would be and if Neil is there and what type of person he would be, etc.

Most scenarios are not happy ones tbh. I think it’s possible Andrew refuses to play consistently enough that gets him benched from the first line up, but because his raw talent when he does try might be impressive enough or better than the current go-to goalie, they try to force obedience into him.

The ravens are fueled by desires to be the best and personal gain, and Andrew just doesn't have that. Whatever would go down in a raven Andrew au, it would definitely bloody and complicated and sad and fucked, but not necessarily massacre style. More like a 3D chess game of manipulation and fine detailed planning and well-timed actions and violence.

Andrew is smart, but on his own I honestly don’t know what he could do against Riko. Andrew is also definitely a planner who would look at this like a giant puzzle, and he does his best to do everything rationally. I believe Andrew thinks of himself as a rational thinker, but he's actually pretty emotional in his instincts, hit first ask questions later, I do not like this I will not let this happen again, etc etc. this could definitely be a weakness of his against Riko as well, Andrew overestimating himself, believing he doesn't care about anything when Andrew still does care about his personal safety and personal boundaries, as well as caring about his cousin and brother even if they don't understand that. I can imagine Andrew having a plan and because of others it unravels horribly wrong for everyone.

Anyways this wasn’t really an answer, but basically I can see hundreds of ways this could all play out. Andrew is honestly smarter than me, which means ill never be able to write this, but in my mind this au is like those graphs of an invent that splits off and each event splits off into other events. There are ways where Andrew survives, and ways Riko does, but not many–if any–where they both do.

*yes I know this movie is by Choen and also based on a book. Point still stands.

Also, I'm v dizzy rn so if this is nonsense lol sry I tried

#andrew minyard #riko moriyama #the nest #all for the game #aftg #the ravens #raven!andrew #ask #mailob #abuse tw

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dayurno · 3 years

Note

do u have any matt and dan headcanons??? they're so underrated:((

okay first of all Yes i do and ill get into it in a few but if u want more matt/dan content u can follow my most lovely friend @chaosofbattle bc they've posted abt this a lot before and are really into matt n dan both as a couple and as individual characters :]

starting with matt!!! it's not necessarily a behavioral / personality headcanon but moreso a rant on how i hate that people forget matt is canonically alternative (punk!) and pretty open about it too. i feel like people often can't seem to imagine a character so majorly hced as black as more than one thing and push him into steorotypes a lot as if black alt people don't exist, and it's truly a pity because black and brown people litetally created most of what we consider alternative today! that being said. it's time for a MATT FASHION MOODBOARD 🗣🗣🗣‼‼

i think matt would fall into the intersection between camp and post-punk where it's just (gender) fuckery enough that you can't tell whether these people are unironically dressing like this or just fucking with bypassers. following that hc i think it's very in character to say that matt cares a lot about how he looks and presents himself, but he's long past the age of caring about what other people think of him, so i believe he goes buckwild with gender fuckery as much and as often as he can. for fun. to see who gets uncomfortable

the post-punk scene is very inherently androgynous and that combined by how much black men (especially in hiphop!) have contributed to ending toxic masculinity in fashion, i think it's safe to say matt is by far one of the most visibly alternative foxes, which i LOVE. nothing better than walking on campus at 8am and seeing a 6'4 man in full punk attire and dark ass heavy makeup :) feels just like home

i also really like the idea of matt and dan being visually contrasting!!!!!!!!! if matt is leaning towards a heavy alternative look, dan is a lot more on the casual / athletic side. i think especially for team events and things as such dan would not bother to throw on more than baggy sweatpants and a shirt, so when she goes out with matt people obviously stare because he's all dressed up and dan looks like she just got out of bed 😭 they never look like they're going to the same event and it's an ongoing inside joke with the upperclassmen

a lot of what they match in is actually hair!!!!!! while dan is definitely not as invested in her appearance as matt is, i really like the idea of her being very careful and tender not just with her hair but also matt's (& her other friends as well). she'll have him on a chair in the middle of the dorm, very clearly fighting to stay awake, as she oils his scalp and helps him with a protective hairstyle for his curls :^) dan is always clumsy with tenderness, a lot more than matt is, but the way she is so careful and methodic taking care of people makes her love very clear and explicit

the only time dan dresses up is for Important exy events and...... yeah. she goes to allison. it is ALWAYS a shitshow but only because allison is so unapologetic and so funny and so willing to spend a shitton of money in pretty dresses and shit for dan even if she knows dan won't wear them. dan doesn't like being pampered and she will always be difficult about allison trying to buy her things, but when it's just the two of them it feels so nice to just Be for some time. no obligations nor strong facades to put up just allison and her loud ass witchy cackle

that's all i have for u anon! lmk if u want more i actually enjoyed these hcs a lot more than i thought i would :^)

#asks #matt #dan

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neqtunes · 4 years

Text

I Will ft. Jeaneil

Jeaneil. That’s it.

Summary: Back in the nest where Neil decided to be kidnapped. Neil sprains his leg on court, but Riko forces him to continue to play, making it worse. At the end, Neil drops dead on the floor, knowing he has to go back to Rikos room with more pain to come. He keeps forgetting about the one person that was always there for him while he was in the Nest: Jean Moreau.

It was unfortunate for Neil to be here

The more he played, the more his shoulder felt as though it was about to fall off

Just as Neil was slowing down, he was immediately shouldered, throwing him into the walls of the court, his helmet making a noise as it connects with the inner walls and a ringing starts to form in the base of his ears

That wasn’t the worst part - the worst part was as he was slammed by the Ravens, his ankle betrays him and goes in the opposite direction

He hears a crack and he tries to contain in a scream, opening his mouth and letting out a silent yell of pain

Neil falls on all four, his leg erupting with so much pain that it shot a whole nerve up his leg

He knew that it was only sprained, the crack wasn’t his bones, but just a pop that was similar to cracking your knuckles

He hated this

He hated every passing second, every passing minute and every passing hour that he had to stay in this hell hole, but he was doing this for a cause that was greater then his own bones. He wanted to be with the foxes and keep them safe even if it puts him in more danger

The slices in his arm already felt like hell from Rikos fun time when he was in his room

The other Ravens weren’t helping with his situation, although the cuts were healing, they’d open cause of the harassment that the Ravens would force on him

Hitting him with Raquets, pushing him, tripping him

Neil himself was surprised at how long he lasted without breaking any bones

But right now, his left ankle was done, it felt fucked, it felt swollen and he felt like throwing up

His body was flaming, but what was even worse was the shouting that came with the ringing in his ears

“Nathaniel, get the fuck up; you two, get him up, now.”

Two pairs of hands grab his shoulders roughly, forcing him up and out of his crawling position

He can see Riko through his helmet and, noticed how his eyes wrinkled up, he was in fact smiling and Neil knew he was also the person who fucked up his ankle

It hurt to walk, it hurt to stand, but the player to his right shoves him forward, and he accidentally steps hard on his sprained foot

A shock run up his leg and Neil pressed himself not to fall

He was forced to play for the entire game with a limp, and was pushed around even more

He can feel Rikos eyes on him every time he was on his knees; he was enjoying this

When practice was finally over, he was thrown to the ground one last time by a random backliner while they chuckled and walked off

This time, Neil didn’t keep his mouth shut and let out a loud groan as he flips himself to face the stadiums roof

He felt trapped

He loved the court, it was the only place that allowed him to breath and keep himself up, he played exy as if his life depended on it, but in here - in the nest - he never knew he’d feel so clastraphobic in such an open space

“Get up.”

Neil takes his helmet off with a struggle and looks up at who was speaking to him, but the only French Bastard in this place was none other then the famous Jean Moreau, number 3; backliner

“You have to get up some day.”

Now Jean said that in English which made Neil look up

“I’m not helping you if you don’t ask for it.”

Neils head hits the ground which was a bad idea since he already felt a migraine forming in the base of his head

Throughout his experience in this shithole, he did in fact get closer with Jean, but Neil didn’t know whether that should have been a good thing or a bad thing

He can see how frightened Jean was when he was close to Riko and Neils bad attitude didn’t help his situation

“Help me,” Neil whispers out, breathing heavily and he saw Jean roll his eyes before crouching down next to Neil

“They are probably done with the showers by now. Get up.” Jean helps Neil up and Neil let out a yelp

“My ankle.”

“Yea I know, your limp was extremely noticeable and a lot of the others took advantage of it.”

Jean was never the talkative type, but he was starting to grow on Neil and Neils French accent sometimes slipped out as he spoke

As Jean helped Neil to the change room, Neils arm around Jeans shoulders dropped as he sits on a bench inside the change room

Jean leaves right after Neil sat in the empty change room

Typical, Neil had to work his way around himself, and he was never normally alone in the change-room, this was more of a one time thing

As Neil struggled to take off most of his armour, he hears the door open and goes into instant panic mode, refusing to turn around as his muscles tense

“It’s just me, sit down.”

Neil turns to his right as Jean looks at him with a tilt of his head, but what caught Neil’s eye was the first aid kit

“Let me see your ankle and your arms, Riko isn’t quiet about his adventures with you.”

“Get out.”

“No.”

Neil reluctantly sits down and avoids eye contact with Jean

Neil realizes his shirt was off, but Jean wasn’t staring at the numerous amount of scars that littered his abdomen

Neil starts taking off his shoes and Jean helps take off his knee high socks

Jean scrunches his nose at his inflated ankle, most of his being swollen and purple, looking as though it was broken rather then sprained

“It’s not broken,” Neil says, as if he heard Jeans thoughts

Jean himself hated this place as much as Neil, probably more

He knew once Neil is gone, he will be stuck here with Rikos abuse once again, Neil is a distraction and Jean has never felt so much freedom in a boxed up area, but every time he saw Neil being shoved, pushed, punched, kicked, hit and more, his thoughts went blank

He has been in Neil position already, and watching it from afar made his blood stop rather than boil

Jean gently touches his ankle and Neil sucks in a breath, looking down at Jean with fierce eyes

“Do you get off to pain as well?”

Jean ignores Neil and opens the first aid kit, tending to Neil's ankle (which included using wipes) and just as Neil looks down at his foot, it was all wrapped up with bandages

Jean looks up at Neil and all Neil could do was stare back

He knew Jean was tired, his eyes said it all and his face looked weak even though everyone would classify him as healthy

One of the most healthiest men on an Exy sports team

“Thank you.” Neil, at least, had manners, his mother would hit the back of his head or pinch his arm if he didn’t say the proper words to someone

Even if his mother was in the back of his head, he still said it halfheartedly

Jean gets in a kneeling position and looks at Neil's arm

“First take a shower.” Jean takes out a plastic bag from the medical kit and wraps it around Neil's ankle, meant to protect the bandages

Neil slowly stands, putting pressure on one side of his leg and swats Jeans hand away from him, rejecting his help

Neil uses the lockers and walls to get to the showers, and Jean slowly follows along, watching as Neil tries his best

Neil makes it to the showers, stepping onto the wet floors and reaches the shower heads

He hates how open everything was and how everyone could see him, but nonetheless, he was glad no one was here in the first place

Neil stops and looks back at Jean who gives Neil a blank look, “do you need help?”

Neil shakes his head and slowly tries to take off his pants, “could you get me my change of cloths?”

Jean heads back to Neil's locker and opens it, nothing being inside and Jean sighs knowingly

“Nothing is in here.”

Jean hears Neil swear to himself as the shower head turns on

Instead, Jean goes to his locker and takes out a plain grey long sleeved Puma shirt that came with a hood, along with some black sweatpants

He takes out an unused towel as well and brings it to Neil, trying to avoid any eye contact with Neil's nude body

He places Neil's Items on the bench that was semi dry and walks away

Neil was grateful for that, even though Jean has already seen the countless of scars on his body along with the scars Riko continuously put on him, he was grateful for privacy

Jean waits near the exit for Neil as he walks out of the showers, grabbing the nearby lockers as support and sits on the bench near the door, looking up at Jean

“How long has it been?” Neil asked

Jean sighs and stands in front of Neil

Neil looks up at him and Jean crouches down, now Neil looking down at Jean instead

“Ten days,” Jean answered

Neil scoffs and looks away before going back to staring at Jean

Neil consciously places his forehead on Jeans shoulder, hiding his face in the crook of Jeans neck

Jeans breathe hitches and his throat stops before realizing that this was Neil, not Riko; who could slice his neck if desired

Jean raises his hand and places it on Neil head, ruffling his hair in the process before trying to steady his breath

“How did we get here?” Neil asks

“I noticed that all you do is ask questions and have a bad mouth.”

Neil stays quiet

“Riko broke Kevin's wrist and came back with a grin on his face.” Jean places his left hand on Neil's outer thigh for balance. “When I asked questions like you do, he took my fingers and forcefully took off my nails with clippers.”

Neil, again, stays quiet

Neil brings his head up again, closer to Jeans face that he felt his breathe fan over his cheek

“I’m okay though if that’s what you are assuming, and once you’re gone, ill most likely be here waiting to leave just as you are which would most likely never happen.”

Neil gives Jean a look, but Jean didn’t know whether he should take it as pity or frustration

“You are leaving with me, and if not, ill come back for you. Someone will.”

Jean stands up and grabs Neil's wrist, helping him up

“I don’t take promises that would never happen.”

“When did I say I promised you? I will.”

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percontaion-points · 3 years

Text

King’s Men chapter 4

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 4

"If we knew what Andrew had against us, we could try to fight it," Dan said.

JFC, I don't think that three books is enough to cover all of Andrew's psychological issues in the depth that Dan is asking about.

And I say this as a casual psychology hobbyist.

"Feels like we're right back where we started in August," Matt agreed.

"If we knew what Andrew had against us, we could try to fight it," Dan said.

[…]

"I can try. But," he continued, with a glance between them, "someone needs to work on Aaron. Nicky wants to be your friend and Kevin knows the team is stronger as a whole, but Aaron's almost as dead-set against us as Andrew is.”

It's like the second book literally never happened. What was the goddamned point of it even if the second everybody comes back following the winter break, and everybody hit the “character reset” button?

That was one of the things reporters had liked harping about most when Kevin became a permanent fixture at Andrew's side: Kevin was raised at Evermore, surrounded by the best and practically born with a racquet in his hand, whereas Andrew learned Exy while he was locked up in juvie. Neil had a page-long article about it in his notebook. It was crassly titled "The Prince and the Pauper", and its focus was on how doomed their friendship was. The writer thought their attitudes toward Exy too incompatible and their backgrounds too different for them to stay together long.

Imagine getting the assignment of writing about the bromance between two college sports players.

Like looking down at what you'd just finished writing and going “Haha, I got a journalism degree.”

"I'm not a striker by choice, either," he said. "I was a backliner in little leagues. Riko remembers because I scrimmaged with him and Kevin.”

I think the weirdest thing about Neil's personality is just that... it was already established that he played literally one game of exy when he was little, on orders of the mob boss to see if he couldn't turn Neil into an exy puppet, like Kevin and Riko. And then his mom took him and they went on the run.

Like literally one game. But Neil decided to turn this singular game into a goddamned personality trait.

"Exy is the shiny object of your sad little world. You know you're being hunted and you know the hounds are closing in, but you won't let go to save yourself. You once told me you don't understand why a person would actively try to die, but here you are. I guess that was another lie."

I think that the worst goddamned part of this stupid series is how AWARE that it is.

Yet, it makes lines like this constant, about how sports isn't a personality, etc etc... BUT IT DOES NOTHING TO ACTUALLY FIX THE PROBLEMS THAT IT'S HIGHLIGHTING.

At the end of the day, the only thing that this line will be will be a throw-away line. Not a moment for self-reflection, not a reason to want to change, not a warning to the reader not to turn a hobby into your sole personality.

Nope. Just a dumb moment of being too self-aware yet not aware enough to do anything about the problem being highlighted.

“Aaron cut a deal with Andrew at juvie: if Andrew stuck with him until graduation, Aaron would stick with Andrew. No friends, no girlfriends, nothing. Aaron couldn't even socialize with his teammates."

Part of me gets it.

But most of me is just sitting there being “wow. Do you see how shitty and abusive that this is? If he was a boyfriend, we'd all be screaming for the one to get away from such a toxic situation. Why the hell is this somehow different?”

"You were right. They made a promise. Aaron and Andrew, I mean. That's what Aaron told Katelyn, anyway. Aaron cut a deal with Andrew at juvie: if Andrew stuck with him until graduation, Aaron would stick with Andrew. No friends, no girlfriends, nothing. Aaron couldn't even socialize with his teammates."

Neil combed his fingers through his hair and tested the bandage on his cheek. "Aaron would have meant high school graduation. They renewed it when they signed a contract to play here."

"Now Katelyn's in the picture, but Aaron won't fight for her."

Okay... So is Aaron just going to continue to put his life on hold for Andrew's mental illness forever? Literally none of this is remotely healthy.

"This is a joke," Dan said, grabbing Neil's chin. "Neil?"

"He told me to transfer to the Ravens," Neil said. "He said I could finish this year with the Foxes but that I'd move to Edgar Allan this fall. They inked me in preparation and I couldn't stop them. I wanted you to know in case Riko says something about it. I'm still a Fox no matter what he says. I wouldn't sign his papers."

WHY THE FUCK DID THEY NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS. THEY LITERALLY PUT MAKE-UP ON HIM EVERY DAY TO COVER HIS BRUISES.

"You never had any plans to go home for Christmas, did you? That whole mess about your uncle flying to Arizona—you made that up so we wouldn't ask too many questions or wonder why you weren't going to New York with Kevin."

Nothing quite like being a day late and a dollar short.

"Nightmares," Neil echoed. It wasn't the turn he'd thought this conversation would take but he could guess what was tearing Aaron apart. "About November, you mean."

"He doesn't want it to bother him," Katelyn said.

My usual sentiment of “THERAPY?! LOL WHAT'S THAT?!” is way too on the nose with this. Please refer back to the previous chapter commentary for my full opinion on this matter.

He got up and left, and she didn't call after him.

Chapter 4 summary: Some time passes, and Neil is given the approval to continue playing again. After practice, he talks with some of the others over how the team had been together towards the end of the fall semester, but now it's like that never happened.

Back at the dorm, Neil randomly thinks about how Andrew hates exy so much. He thinks about some of Andrew's background, of how he'd been introduced to exy while he was in juvie. Kind of the opposite of Kevin, in Neil's opinion. Andrew and Neil then have a long-ish conversation about what exy means to them, but again, the two of them are kind of polar opposites about the entire thing. Andrew keeps telling Neil not to make the game his singular personality trait, but Neil... doesn't listen. What else is new. Immediately following this, Neil leaves to return to his usual nighly practices with Kevin. Who promptly reminds both Neil as well as the reader that Kevin has exactly one personality trait, and it's exy. (Granted, there is a history of Kevin's abuse, but the book literally never goes into that. Oh no, the only one we gotta talk about is Andrew.)

The next morning, Matt tells Neil that the twins made an agreement when they were in high school to stick together. However, when they signed at the university, they basically renewed their promise. And the short of it is that Andrew is holding Aaron emotionally hostage, as well as the idea of Aaron's future (ie a wife and kids). They're positive that if Andrew found out about Aaron's secret relationship with Katelyn, Andrew would hurt her. Neil decides to play dirty and get them into the same room together to talk it out with Betsy, and Katelyn would be the leverage against Aaron.

Later, the girls randomly find out about Neil's tattoo, despite them being up close and personal with his face because of make-up. They then piece together what Neil actually did over his break, which... again... a day late and a dollar short.

Neil later meets up with Katelyn in the library to rope her in on getting Aaron the help he needs, and to get him out from under the manipulative thumb of his brother. He convinces her to stop being the victim caught in between the Aaron/Andrew situation, but she doesn't exactly give an actual answer right away.

#All For The Game #The King's Men #chapter 04 #Aaron and Andrew Minyard #Danielle Wilds #can we not #Neil Josten #okay but why #UGH JUST UGH #Kevin Day #playing sports is not a personality trait #self-aware novels #toxic relationship #shitty family is shitty #i'm done goodbye #HEADDESKING #go to therapy

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sunriseabram-death · 3 years

Note

AAAAAA HOW DOES SHE FEEL ABT/REACT TO ALL THOSE EVENTS (edens, kathy, seth)

natasha seeing neil all bandaged after he comes back from the ravens: alright whats all this then

neil: i went to the nest (*NOT CLICKBAIT*)

KSHSJFJF do they tell e/o about getting countdowns or is nat also like "¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess ill die" like neil did and just. vibes for 40 days

nat sang 2 him 👁️👁️??? did she do that when they were little 🥺......

NEIL IS NOT! HAVINF A GOOD TIME i love how everyone collectively is like "yes neil must suffer more" truly brings us all together. i cant even imagine how painful itd be 4 nat 2 see neil being hurt :[ was she hurt too.. OMF SHE MUSTVE BEEN TAKEN BEFORE HIM RIGHT this is horrible this is the worst i wanna go home!!!!!

uncle stuart seeing them both in the basement covered in blood: alright whats all this then

WHAT IF ONE OF THEM WAS SHOT BY ACCIDENT.... nat unharmed mostly (or not) then gots shot in the chaos.. ohhhhhh my god. oh mt gof.?!?? STUART THINKING SHES MARY FOR A SECONDM TOO.......?!! pain all around :)))))

what was the moriyamas plan for natasha? was she ever involved in any of that exy mess :0 or was she solely nathan's protégé/business.. or FIRST BRANCH STUFF? if ichirou's around the same age i can imagine nat getting promised to him. 2 Butchers to work with? and one binded by marriage which would strengthen the ties between families? i do see it

this is so ajdjsjdkjf but alternate version where they both are in that role.... the Butcher of Baltimore and the Butcher of (other place)? murder siblings. i am Looking

BALTIMORE REUNION<3

(after nat and andrew tied in their 10 min staring contest) nat: okay he can go with u to interrogation . hes earned it

neil, sarcastically: thanks, Mom. wait . fuck

andrew: too soon?

nat: i changed my mind. wheres my glock

the government agent: (is not getting paid enough for this)

her reaction is literally “why do you like these people” 😭 when she finds out about edens tho...the monsters quite literally owe neil their lives for not letting her go down there

LMAOO “what’s all this then” 🙏🏼😭 she’s like “if it weren’t for the fact that you’re injured I would KILL YOU”

nat never got a countdown 😐 like she never got a newer phone so she couldn’t receive text messages. it was literally a complete surprise.

yeah she did that when they were little 😭 neil’s room shared a closer vent to the basement so he heard a lot of screaming 😔 he’d go to her room and she’d try and sing him to sleep

iconic of all us to go “let’s play jenga but with this kids trauma <3” she was hurt 😞 and yeah they took her before him 😩 extra leverage against neil so he didn’t try and run

UNCLE STUART <3 his rage levels are higher than the fucking Empire State Building.

SHE DID GET SHOT!!! she did!!! she tried to cover neil because she’s like “alright these people’s aim fucking SUCKS” and then she gets shot in the torso :/ immediately curses stuart out so that REALLY made him think she was mary 😭

she wasn’t as exy driven as neil but she did enjoy playing it? like canonically part of the reason neil played exy as a little kid was cause it made his mom smile so I think nat had the same reasoning. I always hc that neil was gonna be the next butcher so nat would’ve been his Lola (without the...other stuff lola did with nathan 💀). her being arranged to marry Ichirou ....maybe that’s why he was so lenient to neil being a little shit 😭

murder siblings......I see it 😳. we know thanks to riko that the moriyamas are sexist so neil would probably be the face of the operation while nat would be doing the dirty work 👀 they’d probably want to stay together so now we get TWO Wesninski’s running Baltimore

PLSSSSS 😭 they’re all so hilariously awkward and rude I love them

#sister au #ty for asking btw 🥺 ily

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dailyandrewandaaron · 4 years

Text

“Aren’t we a little old for that “ Aaron peeked out from behind the battered copy of harry potter at him. Aaron only went back to reading the Harry Potter books when he was deestressed about something. He could guess what that might be “ Do you want something Andrew? “ Aaron said stiffly putting the book aside.

“I want to play a game."

“What kind of game would that be “ his brother asked suspiciously.

“You get to me for a while “ Andrew said brightly chucking a black hoodie at Aaron . "what do you mean? ”

“ we’ll swap.” Andrew explained.

“swap?”

"Swap places. you pretend to be me and ill be you . " he pointed between them. " we'll be each other. "

“and why would we do that?" Aaron questioned

“ For fun! " Andrew answered with fake cheer.

“Fun?” said Aaron incredulous

“I do have fun sometimes.”

“No, that’s not it, youre up to something.“

“Dont you want to play with me Aaron?" Andrew said with an exaggerated pout

“Depends .whats in it for me ?" Aaron asked.

"you get the perks of being me of course." Aaron was unimpressed. "Theres no perks to being you" he said dismissively. He isn't wrong exactly.

“ you have a chemistry test tomorrow "

Aaron shrugged his shoulders “ whats that got to do with it?”

“I’ll do It for you . nobody would tell the difference between us "

“Fine. ill do it. ill be you . just today “

Aaron got his chemistry test back the next week. He got an A

"see? Nothing happened. “ andrew said when he asked" I didn't get you into trouble." aaron nodded.

“Fun game?"

“ I dunno .nobody talked to me “

“ Indeed . that would be the perks of being andrew " aaron didnt know how to respond to that.

" well ...thanks. For the test."

" dont mention it . Really don't I have a reputation to keep up . run along now."

several weeks later he went to to get breakfast and found andrew wearing his clothes . “ why are you wearing my stuff? "

“theyre mine today . im you . “

“oh you want to do that again huh? “ aaron groaned

andrew grinned “play along and ill get you a bottle “

“what about exy practice?”

“ Ill do it . “

“you hate exy .”

“ Not today I dont . Today Im Aaron. dont tell anybody . dont ruin the game . its no fun if people know “

“Its no fun for me anyway " Aaron mumbled .

"you want to play our game again?” andrew pestered his brother

“you mean you want to swap again” aaron sounded frustrated Andrew gave a slight smile

“Its our game “

“Its your game. its stupid “

“Dont be a spoil sport. you wanted us to do things together”

“What is it? ” Aaron sighed

“What is what?” andrew asked

“you want me to do something for you, right?" Aaron sighed

"Go to my study group"

"Aaron snorted" you have a study group"

"wasn't my idea. You go. You study"

"What do I get if I do?"

“Ill do you English essay "He nodded.

He took Aarons red and blue jumper.

Wear these." He pressed the arm bands into aarons hands. Aaron caught a glimpse of his exposed arms. He drew in a breath "Andrew..."

"Go on. Shoo." Andrew patted Aaron on the shoulder and then shoved him from the room . "go and be me."

“Andrew ? “ Aaron surveyed Andrews new bruises "did you get into a fight?

“Not exactly. “ andrew smiled through a split lip .

“What happened ?

“Dont worry about it . “

Aarons face crumpled . “ Its my fault isnt it?”

“It is not your fault. ”

“you were being me .. “ he felt sick with understanding “ you got hurt instead of me. is that why you wanted to swap places? ” he asked softly

“Fun game.” Andrew said quietly .Aaron leaned his head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I brought you into this house.” he whispered

"ive been in worse places”

" I'm not going to let you do that again."

"Not going to let me? “ andrew raised an eyebrow and gave a humourless chuckle “ I do whatever I want.”

"Do you?" his brother challenged him. He gave a hollow grin. "you know me."

"Andrew I'm going to tell you a secret okay?”

"what secret is this?”

"we’re twins- “

Andrew glared at him "did you hit your head?”

Aaron started again "we're twins but I'm older. I'm the older one. I'm your big brother Andrew. “ andrew blinked at him “ I should've been there for you and I wasn't.”

"I . I didnt need you . you just complicate things."

“-and you dont? dont try to be me again. its not your burden to carry . its mine . "

“Go. “ andrew persuaded him. Aaron needed to be out the house . out of the way. he was being oddly reluctant .

“I dont want to leave you. “

“ Now now .Dont be clingy . it doesnt suit you. go and play your stick ball game. dont worry about me, you think I cant handle myself big brother?"

“ I know you can but -”

“No buts - “

“Come with me then dont stay here by yourself. "

“ I’ve done it lots of times . you never seemed to care before “ he said matter of factly

“ This is different . I have a bad feeling about today . “

“ A bad feeling? “ Andrew attempted to sound mocking but wondered if Aaron knew more than he wanted him to .

“Should we swap ? you go . I’ll stay . “ he said desperately.

“I thought you didnt want me to do that. Just go Aaron. It will be okay. trust me .” when Aaron finally left to go to exy practice Andrew put Aarons red and blue jumper on and rearranged his hair to look like Aarons hairstyle

everything was not okay. Its seemed to be at first but half way through the exy practice Aaron got a phone call...

#andrew minyard #aaron minyard #aftg #My writing #not entirely happy with this #but i want to do more writing #because my brain is going into slug mode #implied abuse cw #Implied self harm #Don't say stupid things

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whatmack · 5 years

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Okay um... ma’am? Sir? You can’t just leave me hanging like that? Does Neil run into someone else? How do the other foxes respond? DO THEY FIGURE T OUT? Does he show Matt his scars? I have questions

Anonymous said: Where does Neil run after the iron incident? How is he dealing with it? What will Matt do once he registers what happened?? How does it end?? Omg please make it okay again 😭🧡

Imma be real with you prez I really really wanted to continue this and I’m not exactly sure what came out of me but uh…..have some Best Girl Renee talking about her past

She found Neil under the bleachers of the court. She’d had afeeling he’d be somewhere in the vicinity of Exy.“Neil? Can I come in?”No answer. Renee knew he was there, and ignoring her. She could see him. Nothis body, but the evidence of his passing; the lazy, lingering sway of a wirebrushed on his way past, scuffmarks in the fuzzy carpet of dust. (She had been a tracker, once. A good one. Bloodhound.)(Red on her muzzle and she’d thought herself God.)(She disgusted herself.)

“Neil?” And then, carefully: “Nathaniel?”

That got a quick, choking huff, a paroxysm of laughter. Renee held her breathand ducked down to crawl towards him, the dimpling of the concrete scraping herknees. A cobweb broke across her face and made her sneeze. When she opened hereyes she met the glitter of blue.“Left that one behind, haven’t you heard?” His voice cracked, wrong. Reneepretended she hadn’t heard it. “Matt called me,” she said, moving closer by inches, until she found the placeNeil flinched back from and stopped. The dust tickled her throat. She wishedshe had a bottle of water. “He’s worried.”Neil fidgeted with the cuffs of his arm bands. “I’m fine. Tell him—tell himthat.”“Even if I did, I won’t lie to Andrew,” Renee said as gently as she could. Neil’sfingers clenched. He hid them under black cotton.“Go away and let him come for me, then. You’re keeping him out.”“Yes,” said Renee. There was no point in subterfuge. “I got here before he did,by a few moments. I asked if I could come speak to you.”“Why?”It was a fair question. Renee pushed herself back on her heels to give herselftime to work out her phrasing. The others thought of her as endlesslysympathetic, brimming with altruism and forgiveness; she was not always good,and—sometimes—did not remind them otherwise. The truth was she did not everknow if the words she offered were the right ones. This team—they were sodesperate for anything, that in her more despairing moments Renee wondered howill they would think of her, when they left Palmetto and learned of honest kindness.How sharply they would turn on her.“I think I understand part of what happened in a way that he—both of them—don’t,”Renee said at last. It was an echo of the explanation she had given Andrew,minutes and eons before. “I think I can help. If you would like me to.”Neil curled in tighter around himself, resting his cheek on his folded knees.Renee gave him time to think, scooting up against a metal support and crossingher legs. She saw Neil watching the catch and drag of her skirt across the filthyfloor, saw the confusion flicker across his expression. She breathed in throughher nose to forestall a sigh. The others always seemed shocked, when she letherself get dirty, or disorderly. As if she didn’t spend her time on the Courtwith the rest of them.

(She’d picked these clothes, years ago, because theywere what good girls wore; the antithesis of what she had worn before. Whom shewas trying not to be. She did not regret them, but she wished that she were notconstantly read, delicate, handle with Edwardian propriety. )(She was a girl. She was not a lady.)(She wondered if she would look okay in overalls.)“Do you mind if I ask questions?”“I won’t answer,” Neil said into his Fox-orange sweatpants. Renee nodded,because that’s what she’d seen therapists do on television (she was such asham), and smoothed down a fraying thread on her hem.(Overalls and one of those big jackets, with all the pockets, like Wymack worewhen he was going to the store.)Once she had offered Andrew a handful of truths, and in return had gotten afriend. She could not offer the same ones to Neil, and would not; they wouldn’tfit. But there were others.(On the phone Matt had been terrified. She prayed that his faith in her had notbeen misplaced.)“It’s difficult for me when I see butterflies,” she said.Neil made a rude noise with his tongue and teeth. “How is that relevant here?”She knew he didn’t trust her. He was right not to. She hoped he at least wasbeginning to believe she was trying to be better, and meant him no harm. “Marcus,” she said, making her tone thoughtful, as if Neil hadn’t interrupted. “Inever knew his last name. I’m not sure he did, either. He had traps set up inhis room, in the hall, in the bathroom. Rotten fruit and netting. The smell ofit was horrible—musty and sticky, and it would stay in your nose for hours.”Neil shifted, dropping one of his knees to the side to tuck one dirty sneakerunderneath the other. Despite himself, he was listening. “He liked to take them apart. The butterflies. He’d ask me what he should startwith—the left wing, or the right wing, or the antennae, or the back legs….onceI told him to start with the head, but that would make it over too quickly, yousee.”She had to push down the upwelling of anger, then, hot and edged all aroundwith panic. “I agreed. Marcus was higher up than me. He’d been around longer. People listened to him. When he was there, I liked watching the butterflies struggle, too.They were so…” she flicked her fingers outward. “Pretty.”The silence was complete enough to hear Neil swallow.“You can go to Andrew, or Matt, if you want.” Renee said. She looked again intoNeil’s eyes; made him look back at her. “I won’t stop you.”He said, “I,”He said, “It wasn’t,”He wet his lips. Another strike against the absent water bottle.“All I wanted,” Neil said, “was for him to look at me.”He did not say who, but Renee had a good enough guess. Neil showed his baretorso around the team now, to distract from younger ruined skin; withoutpretense he was already better than Renee would ever be. (She was trying.)“And he did,” Renee said.“He did,” Neil confirmed. He cupped a hand over his shoulder. Tilted his headback. It hit corroded metal with a dull thunk that reverberated, creakingsomething far above. “Do you still want to pick the wings off of butterflies?”She clenched her hands to keep them from shaking. “It doesn’t matter, because Iwouldn’t, now.”(She didn’t know if she wanted to or not. She was afraid to check. Cowardice.)“Yeah,” Neil said. A shaft of fluorescent light through the metal hingesilluminated his face, tipped up as it was. He had not been crying. Reneeunderstood in the deep way that hurt, pricking into the soft flesh of herorgans.She did not know how long they sat there, facing each other at angles, Neil’s untiedshoelaces and Renee’s dangling thread. Eventually Neil pushed himself forwardand stood. “I’m going to see Andrew,” he said. “And—say something to Matt.” I don’tknow what, he didn’t say. He didn’t have to.“Thank you for letting me talk to you,” said Renee. He tucked his chin into the neck of his sweatshirt. “Are you, what, staying?Here?”Yes, Renee thought. I will become dust like my mothers, and my mother’smothers, and finally, finally I will be able to rest.(I do not deserve that I do not–)“I’ll follow in a moment,” she said.Neil was safe under Andrew’s hand on the back of his neck when she emerged,having a whispered conversation with Matt. Renee smiled at the three of themand made her excuses, sidestepping Matt’s obvious gratitude. Andrew’s eyes heldsomething similar, and Renee shook her head; there was no welcoming place inher for such a thing, right now. Andrew’s mouth pursed, angry, or unhappy, but helet her go.

Neil messaged her, once, in the indistinct, dough-soft momentsbefore she fell asleep. In the morning she opened it. It was a link to an article about butterflies.

#all for the game #the foxhole court #neil josten #renee walker #i think a lot about renee my pals #where can i do weird parenthetical aesthetic writing but tumblr dot com????#Anonymous #renee had to do a LOT of convincing talking to get andrew to let her go to neil first #andrew saw that she might be able to do a better job just then but didn't want to admit it #and also matt was a self-flagellating wreck which didn't help diffuse things #my fics

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