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kecpdriving · 3 years

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Illicit Affairs - Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

pls like & reblog & pls send me asks (i’ve turned anon on now) about how you feel ily <3

note: this is not a soulmate au, but there's soulmate energy happening so it moves fast-ish? also lmk if you wanted to be added to the tag list.

previous chapters

Chapter three: I’ll be awake and I’ll be with you.

THROUGHOUT THE LAST MONTH OR SO You and Aaron had exchanged flirtatious letters between each other. They were filled with admirations and stories. Aaron wrote about how badly he craved to hold you - to touch you in every way imaginable. He told you stories about when he thinks of your beauty and your laugh while working a case.

You wrote how this was exhilarating. Leaving the letters where Haley could possibly notice was thrilling to you. It was fun now. You were seeing them everyday now. You wrote too Aaron in one letter that you needed to be alone with him. You wanted to see that rare smile you and Jack cause up close and personal. You told him that you needed to hear the words he wrote whispered in her ear.

They got the letters every night when you would leave. You would leave Aaron’s in his coat pocket when hugging them goodbye, in their mail addressed to Aaron only, or in his office on the desk. Aaron had the easy way out. He put the one he wrote to you in with your nightly pay. This had been your only way to be romantic with each other. The only way to flirt. Of course you texted with each other. Aaron wasn’t big on texting though and Haley knew that. And he knew Haley better than anyone, Aaron knew she would be suspicious if he suddenly was glued to his phone. Plus, you told him to not worry about texting you at night when it was time for him to be with Jack.

You did talk on the phone a lot. Almost every night around eleven or twelve. Even when Aaron had been away on a case, he would still call. One night about four days ago, one of Aaron’s agents heard him telling you that he missed you so much and how he couldn’t wait to see you. You laughed when hearing the panic in his voice when they heard the agent tease him for flirting with his wife. Only if they knew who he was really talking to.

You were finishing up writing your letter for tonight while watching the news on the tv. A big storm was hitting and it did not look pretty. You hated storms much like Jack who was sitting a distance away from the window but still watching the harsh rain fall and the big gusts of wind blow trash cans around and branches off trees. It was to get worse. Thunder clapped loudly in the sky and that’s when Jack ran over to you and cuddled into your side. You could see the bright lightning bolts in the sky light up what usually is a pretty sunny street.

“Hey, Jack,” you rubbed his back to comfort him. He cried into you and broke your heart. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“What secret?” He peeked his head out of your side with tear stained eyes. You frowned and wiped the tears away from the boy's eyes and dried his cheeks.

You picked Jack up into your lap and faced the window while sitting on the couch. “I’m also afraid of storms. When I was about your age though, My Papa told me that when it would thunder it meant all the Angels in heaven were bowling. And when it’s really loud and there’s a bolt of lightning that means they got a strike! It helped me to not be so scared of storms.” you explained the old tale parents would tell their children to not be scared anymore. you watched as Jack relaxed. He didn’t seem so afraid anymore.

Jack turned to you and pointed out of the window, “Can we watch them play?”

“We sure can! We just have to stay here and not go close to the window, okay?” Jack nodded and laid against you. They stayed like that for a few hours while Jack told stories about random things he’s either made up or stories about his dad. He loved that man so much and it warmed your heart. Maybe one day you could love Aaron just as much. Jack was dozing off in your lap and to be quite honest, you too was dozing off. Watching the rainfall for so long felt so relaxing. Right before you were about to fall into a slumber, the front door opened with a huff and puff of someone who could only be Aaron. Like always, he put his keys down, his briefcase, and his coat away.

“Hey there sleepy heads,” you smiled lazily and Jack waved at his father who was approaching jack and you. Everything in Aaron wanted to lay down with you and just fall asleep, but he couldn’t. Something within him was so happy at the sight of you and Jack cuddled together. “Hey buddy, go to your room, okay? I’ll be up soon.” Aaron shook Jack and he listened. Jack ran right up the stairs.

you sat up and smiled at Aaron while yawning and stretching your arms a bit. “Sorry for nodding off a bit. I know I’m supposed to have all eyes on him. We were watching the rain- I told him the old angels tale. It’s 8:30, you’re home late.”you realized the time when looking at the tv box in front of them. “I literally thought Jack and I were sitting there for like twenty minutes.” you laughed to herself.

“Don’t worry about nodding off. You looked tired this morning,” you were exhausted. Lately, you’ve been tossing and turning and only getting a few hours of sleep every night. It was probably from stress and your mind constantly spinning with thoughts. “Haley should be home in a few. She was about ten minutes from here when she called me right before I walked in.”

“Okay. Jack already ate. He’s all set for bed. Just needs to brush his teeth and- Ah!” You were cut off by yourself when you screamed at the world's loudest thunderclap. It sounded as if every house around them fell down. Covering your mouth from pure shock and embarrassment, you looked up at Aaron who was laughing at you. “It’s not funny!”

He finished up laughing and dragged his hand down his face that rested on his chin, “Yes, it is. It’s okay, we’re all afraid of something. Now just listen to those angels bowl while I go get Jack ready for bed.”

Aaron went upstairs and maybe two minutes later Haley walked in absolutely drenched in rain. You had gotten up and collected your things when Haley stopped you. “Honey, I can’t let you drive in that. My car was slipping all over the road. I couldn’t see through my windshield even with my wipers on. It’s bad out there. We have a guest room, please stay here tonight. It’s bad out there. Aaron won’t care if you stay.” No, Haley, he most certainly will not care.

You looked out the window to see how bad it actually was outside. It was bad and it was only getting worse. looking at Haley who was awaiting for your answer and took a deep breath. “That would be nice, Haley, thank you.”

“Awesome. I’ll go set up the guest room.” Haley was off to the room down the hall near Aaron’s office. you put your bag back down and keys beside it. She hung her coat and left her shoes by the door where they had been all day long. Aaron had come down the stairs dressed in black joggers, a plain t-shirt and some socks. It made you smile to see him dressed so casually. His hair even looked a bit messy.

“Hey,” you crossed your arms and stood in front of him. “I’m spending the night. Haley didn’t want me to drive in the storm.” you explained the situation to Aaron who smirked. You knew what he was thinking -- you were thinking it too. “I’m grateful. I hate driving in storms.”

Aaron walked past you, following him to the little cart they had with all kinds of alcohol displayed on it. He poured himself a glass of something. It looked like scotch or bourbon but to you they were the same drink. “Sounds nice. We are very glad to have you.” For a minute there you thought he was mad. “Would you like a drink?”

“I shouldn’t. I’m at my workplace.” you chuckled softly. Aaron loved that sound.

“Nonsense. You’re off now, Y/N! Have a drink,” Haley spoke as she rounded the corner. It was like she was listening in on the conversation. She leaned into Aaron and held onto his arm as if she was marking her territory. She kissed his arm lightly and smiled. “You’re our guest, let us treat you.”

“I’ll have a glass of wine, please. Red,” Aaron took out two bottles of wine to have you pick which one you wanted. “Thanks.” Aaron went to go open the bottle and left you and Haley alone together. It felt awkward to just to stand there looking at each other and not talking. And that’s when it dawned on you, youhad the perfect thing to say.

“Haley, do you have any tampons?” Really, Y/N, that’s your best ice breaker? You did need one though. you grinned awkwardly and Haley just laughed and took your hand, leading you to the half bath.

“You look petrified to ask! They’re under the sink in a basket. There are also some pads if you like those. Usually I keep them in here and in the bathroom in Aaron and my bedroom. Don’t be afraid to go in there if you need to.” Haley nodded and let you do what you needed. Did you really look scared? It was probably because you felt so weird knowing you and Aaron were going to have their little chat later in his house with his wife around. When you were done, you walked out of the bathroom to see them sitting in the living room. Aaron looked half dead and Haley did too.

Aaron smiled at her and handed her the glass. “Hey, Y/N, i’m wiped out. I’m going to get some sleep. All three of us sleep like rocks so make yourself at home. Goodnight.”

You nodded at Haley’s announcement, “Alright, get some rest. Goodnight!” And then there were two. Hotch looked at you when he heard the bedroom door shut upstairs and smiled. God, his smile was so nice. He didn’t look like the intimidating FBI agent anymore. He looked relaxed and happy. You were drowning in his eyes. They were so pretty--sometimes they looked green and sometimes brown but never a mixture of the two.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He asked in a low voice while you toyed around with the glass in hand. you stayed silent for a second and looked off to the picture of the family that was placed on the mantle next to the tv. “Hey, talk to me.”

You shook your head and sipped the wine you had left. “Not while she’s still awake okay? This is risky right now because all I want to do is kiss you and run my fingers through your hair. I can’t do that out in the open where she can walk out any second.” You explained and he understood completely. You were right, it was risky. All he wanted to do was lift you into his lap and kiss you all over.

“You’re right. Okay, come to my office in like an hour. Go rest and clear that pretty head of yours.”

“Sounds good to me.”

About an hour or so later you knocked on the door and the knock was so gentle he could have sworn and it was jack. “Come in.”

“Hey,” you stood in the room and closed the door behind you. hour body language was awkward and uncomfortable, not your usual confidant stance. “I uh.. Can I sit?”

“Please, yes, of course.” Aaron motioned towards the chairs in front of his desk. He closed the file he was working on and slipped some papers into the manila folder that had the bureau logo on it.

“Our letters seem so confident and bold and now i can’t even figure out if it’s appropriate to ask you how you are.” Aaron laughed because he felt the same way you did. It was new territory for the both of you. All of this was so new and so wrong.

Aaron didn’t waste a single second before asking the one thing they were both thinking. “Y/N... I- what is this? Obviously there's feelings here. And I mean real feelings.”

You shook your head and looked around the office. “I have no idea, Aaron. I’ve never even felt you. I haven't hugged you, shaken your hand, even brushed my fingers over yours. We’ve never even kissed. How could you ask me what this is when we’ve never even touched. I feel so helpless, she is always around.” You had a frustrated tone in your voice. You wasn’t angry or upset, just confused. You thought Aaron thought you were insane.

“Come here.”

“What?”

“Come here, Y/N.”

you got up, confused, and walked around to Aaron. He turned in his office chair to face you. You were just standing in front of him awkwardly. Taking him all in. You smiled at his casual wear. You wore something similar. To her babysitting duties they have no dress code for you, but to just dress appropriate. You dressed pretty nice for Aaron to notice, but this morning you got your period and threw on leggings, a white tank top that was tight to your skin that was slightly cropped. He took your hands in his and smiled. You could have melted to the ground right then and there. “That's how my hands feel,” he whispered to her.

He let go of your hands and started to feel your body. Starting with your arms, his fingers lightly traveled the soft skin, giving you goosebumps all over. His hands swiftly moved to your torso. He ran them over your back and then to the front again. He felt the skin exposed from your short shirt, and even went riskier and moved his hands under the thin fabric. He didn’t do it in a way that he was going to feel your breasts, he was craving to feel you just as much as you were craving to feel him. He took you by the hips and brought you to sit in his lap.

“And this is what my lips feel like,” he whispered to you as he brought his hands to your cheeks and cupped them. When your lips touched, you could have sworn you felt real sparks. It was the best kiss either of you have ever had in your lives. His lips were rough but tender. Yours were plump and soft against his. Your hand came up and held his wrist, your other hand held your balance on his shoulder. Soon, it started getting heated. He swiped his tongue at your bottom lip for entrance. It was pure bliss for you both to be doing this. his lips found your neck and left wet sloppy kisses down it and onto your collarbones. You were also grinding on each other a bit which earned whimpers and groans from both of you.

“Wait, wait, let’s stop here for now. I can’t-” You fixed your posture while still sitting in his lap. You were catching your when you put her hands on Aaron’s chest and like instinct, he held them.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have been so forward like that. Did this make you uncomfortable?” You loved seeing the caring side of Aaron. He was so gentle.

“No, Aaron. That was amazing. I can’t go any further because I have my period and your wife is upstairs. I can’t have sex with you if she could pop in any minute.”

“So, you do want to have sex eventually?” he smirked and leaned his head on the back of the chair while he held your hands on his chest.

“Well… yes.” You blushed.

“Good.”

You teasingly rolled your eyes, “Shut up! Kiss me again, please.” Their lips met again but this time a lot more softer. One of Aaron’s hands held your thigh and rubbed gentle circles into it with his thumb while his other hand played with your hair. You had your arms wrapped around his neck while your hands played with his hair. Your lips danced together so perfectly. It was as if their only purpose in life was to kiss one another. And in these small romantic moments, all of the stress and anxiety from Haley washed away. It wasn’t even a thought in mind while you held each other close and made out.

“You are a very good kisser, Aaron Hotchner.” you said while breaking the kiss again. you sunk down on him a bit and took his arms to wrap around your waist. You leaned your head on his shoulder and squeezed him tight. He held you tighter in his arms and rubbed your back so softly you almost didn’t feel it. He leaned his head against yours and breathed in your scent. You smelled like vanilla and lavender. “I don’t want to let go.”

“You don’t have to sweet girl,” He whispered to you and left a kiss on the top of your head. “But I can make this a lot more comfortable,” He said as you felt his hands at the bottom of your thighs pick you up and walk over to the small couch he had against the office wall. He laid down with you still in his arms. Finally, you stretched your legs out and fixed your position to be more comfortable. Your head was leant against his chest where you could hear his rapid heartbeat. “This better?”

“A lot better,” He let his hand play with your hair as you held onto his free one. you didn’t want to let go of him but eventually you knew you were going to have to. It felt unfair, but truly it was unfair to Haley. This was happening right under her bedroom and she had no idea. “We have to talk about this.”

“I know.” Aaron sighed and looked down at the girl he held. It felt so nice to be falling for someone again. It had been years and years since his heart raced like this. Since genuine excitement and nervousness arose inside of him because of another person. It had been so long since since he’d actually kissed someone with passion and even longer since he held a person who wasn’t his son close to him like this. He missed having small intimate moments with another person.

Truth be told, him and Haley weren’t as perfect as they made it seem. They had Jack because they both wanted kids but Aaron had fallen out of love with her long before Jack came along four years ago. They, in his opinion, lost their spark. He loved her as a friend, not a forever partner. He once did though. He had no idea where it went and he tried to get it back, but nothing saved his marriage for him. He didn’t have the heart to tell Haley because he knew she still felt the spark-- the love he lost. He knew this didn’t make it any better. Cheating made the heartbreak she’ll feel worse, but when he first saw you, he felt that spark again. He couldn’t waste a minute on it either. You noticed he was in a bit of a daze, so you began laying small kisses on his neck. He giggled softly.

“What are we doing?” You asked. you had a serious tone. “Aaron, you’re married. This is wrong--so wrong. You make me feel different and it scares me. LIke, I don’t even know your exact age by the way. There is so much to talk about here.”

“I’m forty-one. Forty-two in November. And I really want to take you on a few dates and hopefully become your… unfortunately married boyfriend.” Aaron laughed and you rolled your eyes at him.

you sat up but stayed on his lap, your hands cupped his cheeks. He looked so good it was hard to be annoyed with him. “It’s not funny, Aaron.”

“I’m serious. Soon enough I’ll be asking for a divorce. I just need to get certain things squared away and figured out, okay? I want to do this with you, Y/N.” He meant that and you could tell. You hated all of this so much. It wasn’t like you to do something so stupid.

You nodded your head to what he was saying. “Fine. That doesn’t mean I like doing this. Haley is kind and she deserves a lot better.”

“I agree.”

“You really want to try dating? We barely know each other. We call and write notes and sometimes text, I know. But what do we really know?” You questioned.

“Isn’t that the whole point of dating, to get to know each other? And then when you finally are comfortable enough to admit you know each other that's when you establish you’re boyfriend and girlfriend and in a relationship?” He did make fair points.

“That’s true. Okay, we’re dating? Or going to start to? When do either of us even have time for dates?” You stressed. To calm you down Aaron took your hands, kissed both and held them in his own. “Aaron.”

“Friday you’re not working. Haley has the day off. I’ll take you to lunch, okay? Lunch date good for you?” You nodded and kissed him.

“We’re so wrong for this.” you sighed.

“It’ll be okay, sweet girl, I promise. Now let me read that letter you shoved into your pants when I walked into the house earlier.” Damnit, he saw that? You reached into the waistband of your leggings and pulled out the folded sheet of paper. You sat up on top of him again and covered your face with your hands as he read over the words.

DEAR AARON

Lately, you’re all I think about before I sleep. Your smile, your eyes that are so easy to drown in, your voice. The way you look at Jack when he runs into your arms after a long day. You infiltrated my head, Mr. Hotchner. And I’m so very okay with it. I hope to get you up close and personal soon and to talk all of this over like you’ve been promising. You’ve got me helpless here.

Y/N

“You’re very cute, angel. Seems to me you got what you hoped for too.” Aaron smiled at the letter before putting it on the table next to the couch. “You’re all I think about too. I know I say it often but you are so special.” He took you in for a hug and you basically melted into each other.

“You are too, Aaron.”

Some time went by of you just talking about random things and taking breaks to make out and feel each other. When it got later, you began to fall asleep in Aaron’s arms and it killed him to disrupt your relaxation.

“Hey, let me take you to bed, okay?” you whimpered what sounded like no, no. Which made Aaron kiss your head. He moved around a bit and pick you up bridal style. “I know, sweet girl. I don’t want to let you go either. You need sleep.” He spoke as he walked quietly to your room. He gently laid you down into the guest bed. He undid the made bed and let you cuddle into it. You looked so beautiful when relaxed. Aaron bent down and gave you one last kiss before going to his own bed. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Aaron.”

That morning, you woke up to the smell of coffee being brewed. You almost forgot where you were for a moment. Looking out the window next to you, you saw how the storm had finally cleared. Breathing in, you got out of the much too comfortable bed and made your way to the kitchen. Aaron and Haley were standing there drinking coffee. You looked at the clock on your phone and it was only 7:05am. Aaron was reading a file and Haley was doing something on her phone.

“Good morning,” You broke the silence and the couple looked up from what they were doing. Aaron and her were both dressed for their jobs already and damn did he look good. “Thank you for letting me sleep here last night.”

“That’s no problem, sweetheart. Anytime. Coffee?” Haley said with that same gorgeous smile plastered on her face. You just wanted to rip it off. Not because you had something against Haley, no. You liked her. You were just not a morning person.

“I’m okay, thank you. I’m more of an iced coffee with lots of hazelnut creamer and sugar type of person,” Haley giggled. “Is it okay if i just run back to my apartment and freshen up? I live like a 15 minute drive away, I’ll be quick and be back in time before you guys leave.” you asked nicely. you really wanted to shower and change your clothes and brush your teeth and hair. You could only imagine how insane you must look right now. You weren’t the calmest sleeper.

Aaron looked at you and smiled. Looking into his eyes felt different since last night. It felt better than before actually. you almost wanted to run into his arms and give him a big ol’ kiss and tell him to have a great day at work. You couldn’t do that for obvious reasons.

Haley sawolled her coffee and began speaking, “Actually, we decided we’d relieve you for the day. Since you’ve spent every day here for the last month and because you had to sleep here. My sister is on her way. I hope that’s okay! We thought you deserved a break.” Haley explained nervously. You smiled at her kindly.

“That’s very kind of you guys, thank you. I appreciate it a lot. Tell Jack I'll be back to bug him tomorrow! And again, Thank you for everything.” Both Haley and Aaron said you’re welcome and all three said goodbye. You were just about to open the door when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“Your pay, sweet girl,” He whispered that last part. “Have a nice day.” “You too.”

you got into the car and opened the envelope of money for your note immediately:

DEAR AMARA,

I’m writing to you from this morning. I scraped my last letter because now I have better things to say. I miss your lips already. And that soft skin. Holding you made me feel the same happiness I feel whenever I hear Jack’s laugh or see him smile. I can’t wait to kiss those pretty lips again, sweet girl. I promise this will all work out and we will be happy, okay? Now, whenever you read this, please text me your favorite type of food so I can figure something out for friday.

AARON

you kissed the paper and drove home with a smile on your face with the memories of last night playing over and over in your head.

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