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#illness

I am SO happy and grateful to have understanding parents ❤️ I talked again to my mom about the wheelchair, cause I had a day recently with 3 medical visit and it tired me so much that I stayed bedridden 3days. I’m fed up to not be able to get out ( too tired for close things and anxiety keeps me from going out alone or in other cities)

She understood me! We have a deal: i’ll try first with my new meds for blood pressure, and taking a portable stool with me. If it’s not enough, we will consider the wheelchair. I can’t wait to try! All I want is my life back.

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You know what really pisses me off? One thing, in this current time of uncertainty, fear, and (for many like my husband and I) the threat of illness, that just really gets under my skin, and makes my blood boil? Well, let me tell you…

I CANNOT STAND PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLFUL IDIOTS. I am constantly bothered by those, who search for any reason under the sun, to not wear a mask. ‘It’s just a hoax.’ ‘If I get it, I get it.’ ‘Masks make it hard for me to breathe’. I have heard all of these, and just about every other fucking lame-ass excuse imaginable. And, every single time, I roll my eyes, and want to scream. But today…Well…

 This morning, after finishing my work for the day, I hopped on Facebook, and saw something that took it not just one step further, but put it in a whole different fucking ballpark. “The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) website recently reported that very few died solely of the virus. Out of the 161,392 deaths in the CDC data, just six percent (9,700) were attributed to the coronavirus alone. The CDC is now admitting that the coronavirus is not even as dangerous as the average flu season and that the people most vulnerable to coronavirus are those people with all sorts of other pre-existing health problems.” This was posted by someone who I share a blood tie with. And, it is just DISGUSTING. Plain and simple. JUST FUCKING DISGUSTING! When I read this, it is full of information that leads me to see just how this person REALLY feels. By stating that “just” six percent of those infected, die from covid alone, it says to me that this person sees this number (be it fake or real) as a suitable number of lives lost. It is like saying: “Oh, well…as long as covid, itself, is not killing 10% or more of those infected, then that is okay.” Then, you take into account the blatant lack of concern that is shown, for those who are at high-risk–those who, like my husband, have pre-existing conditions–which, apparently seem to not matter, and it just makes me FUCKING sick! I have tried, and tried…AND TRIED! I have honestly attempted to see this through some other–any other–lens. Yet, my mind seems to be able to only find one lens to view this quote through. And that is, by posting this, this person is showing that it is okay that “some” people die, because it is not as bad as we originally thought. (Still not sure this is true, but that is irrelevant to the point I am making here. I also find it odd that the new article this person posted, to get the numbers, was published in early September.) In the end, it comes down to this. Any ONE life that is lost to covid, at a time where we KNOW how to minimize the risk, is ONE LIFE TOO MANY! To suggest otherwise, or try to play down the impact this horrible disease is having is, in my opinion, showing how desensitized one has become, and how little they care for their fellow man. 

Beyond being angered by this, I am also crushed, over the fact that this relative, who I was so happy to have the opportunity to get to know, has literally STOPPED talking to me, altogether, based off of the fact that I was not going to let political views be pushed onto me. I have seen, in this individual, more than one side of humanity, that I am saddened by. First, I have seen that there are so many out there, who have this belief that, as long as sickness is not affecting anyone in their lives, that it is not worth their concern. (This is so sad, to me.) And, I have seen that to some, politics is actually worth DESTROYING a connection. To these people, it does not matter what type of person you are. If you are not on their political “team”, then you are easy enough to throw away. (Again, this is sad, to me.) 

But, of course, the covidiocy did not stop with just this one circumstance. 

My husband and I had to go to get the oil checked on our car today. And, knowing that Florida is covidiot central, we both have heavy-duty respirator masks, that we wear, whenever we have to go out in public. (Green rubberized masks, with respirators on either side, and an air vent in front. These fuckers let NOTHING pass. But, they are BEYOND uncomfortable. And yet, I still wear it. See…responsibility.) We get to the Toyota dealer, and I knew that some people would not be wearing masks. But, for fuck’s sake. At least 90% of people at the center were not wearing masks, or face shields, or coverings or any kind. Customers…workers. No masks. Even the man who was helping me kept his mask in his shirt pocket, only putting it on when he worked with me, but taking it off, to work with others, who were not wearing masks. And, at one point, some old dick head looked at the husband and I, wearing our masks. He shook his head, rolled his eyes, and muttered out: “Jesus!” (Yep, you jackass. I was thinking the same exact FUCKING thing!)

The reality is that today has been beyond overwhelming, on the front of dealing with people, who seem completely uncaring about covid. I have never seen so many damned fools, in one single day. It is literally mind-fucking-blowing. And honestly, it kind of grosses me out, to see so many people not giving a rat’s ass about the safety of anyone else. It is completely shocking to me, how the human race has shown that, by and large, it lacks this thing called BASIC HUMAN COMPASSION!

Sadly, today, I did not accomplish that much, in the way of knitting. Being the fact that my day started out with the upsetting Facebook post mentioned above, I found myself unable to give full focus to the knitting. And, while I was able to get a few rows done, I soon found that my mind was focused on the insensitivity of others, as well as their stupidity, rather than the project on my needles. And, not wanting to mess this project up–as I said yesterday, I NEED this one to be perfect–I would only allow myself to knit a row, ever so often, so I did not screw it up, by having my mind wander somewhere else. 

Perhaps I am too emotional, as my husband says. But, every time I deal with something like this–every time I see a post on Facebook from this person, who shows such disrespect, or see so many people just not giving a fuck–it really crushes my spirit. It takes all of the happiness out of me, and leaves me feeling empty, and honestly, just wanting to cry. But honestly, every time something like this happens, it only makes me think of my husband, and how high risk he is. And I just wish–stupidly, perhaps–that people could just spend a little bit of time, thinking about the safety of others, rather than just themselves. 

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving…or, for us, just another day. And hopefully, staying home, and locked safely indoors, I will find myself with less stress. That would be nice. 

I am sorry that I do not have much to report on the knitting front, today. But, honestly, it has just been a shit day!

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I have so much I want to say

But the words aren’t good enough

Sometimes I fly like an eagle

but with the wings of a wren.

But I try to take care

and be gentle to them.

Words and eggs must be handled with care.

Once broken they are impossible

things to repair.

-anne sexton

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Idk I’ve been watching a medieval show, and the potential whump guys:

  • Whumpee is unconsious, strewn across the back of a horse and jostling their injuries even more
  • Whumpee rides with caretaker, sitting behind them with weak arms wrapped around Caretaker’s torso
  • Whumpee sits in front of Caretaker, leaning against their larger form only half conscious, Caretaker’s arms around them being the only thing keeping them from slipping off the horse
  • Chains (do I even have to say anymore?)
  • Poisoned/fevered Whumpee lying in bed with a cloth draped across their forehead
  • An infected arrow wound
  • A whumpee that serves a Whumper because of Whumper’s higher position (Lord, King, Prince, etc.) and everyone thinks the way they treat Whumpee is fine because of their lower ranking position (cue Caretaker who doesn’t agree with their way of thinking)
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Okay so it’s actually just my allergies but I just had a cartoon level sickfic moment.

I threw a freshly laundered blanket on my bed, and a cloud of used tissues floated up from my headboard.

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Some days I think about what it would be like to be a well-oiled machine, with iron skin, pneumatic legs, and a quartz movement heart. Better to be made out of gears and wires than flesh and blood. Rusting in the rain can’t be worse than this.

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artificial grape, to me, is the flavor of sickness and dehydration. 

I would get a package of those cheap push popsicles every summer and, usually, all that would be left by winter would be orange, lime, and grape. 

So, I would walk myself to overheating and then eat a grape popsicle.

It’s also the flavor of nighttime cold medicine, which was been a balm on my cursed body for years.

So is it any surprise that, during this illness, I’m eating grape and orange and lime popsicles?

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Traumatized for a few Seconds

(Aries, Sagittarius)


Traumatized for a few Minutes

(Gemini, Capricorn)


Traumatized for a few Hours

(Libra, Aquarius)


Traumatized for a few Days

(Virgo, Pisces)


Traumatized for a few Years

(Cancer, Leo)


Traumatized for a few Lifetimes

(Taurus, Scorpio)


#TraumaBuddies

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