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#illusionary wounds
prabodhjamwal · 2 months
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Lack of political will and strategy
By H.L. Shishoo Kashmir has emotional significance for every Indian, almost generating infectious enthusiasm, even if it reminds him of India’s political, diplomatic and military incapacity. When the State acceded with Indian Union, the nation was recovering from the wounds of partition and for the great majority of people at that time Kashmir had literally no significance. During the last six…
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cybsoo2 · 2 months
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my obsessive fan
╰┈➤ synopsis — Each story is a glimpse into what your life would entail if these seven were your obsessive fans.
╰┈➤ pairing — yandere!bts x idol!reader
╰┈➤ word count — 3.6k
╰┈➤ content warning — murder, yandere behavior, stalker behavior, kidnapping, just the usual
ੈ✩‧₊˚ note ; GUYS HOBI DOESN’T ACTUALLY KILL HIMSELF!! i realize it kinda seems like he did but don’t worry he’s alright just a lil traumatized :)
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—Kim Seokjin
Jin considers himself unexplainably lucky
The universe has given him a chance that he’ll never be able to deserve
One day during his first semester of college he met someone special that little did he know would change the trajectory of his life forever
Seokjin made a friend and they grew fairly close as the years went on, until one day this friend came to him with a bittersweet conversation
She was switching to online school as her dreams of becoming an idol were finally answered
Jin supported her decision and waited patiently for her debut
An Autumn song caught his ear on the day of her debut and his eyes no longer followed her form
Instead, Jin became starstruck by the lively girl who made the stage her own
Since that day, Jin only sees his relationship with your member as insignificant
He only cares to engage with them when it involves you
Seokjin is a snake with his words and uses his charms to his advantage
He’ll manipulate and lie his way into getting new information about you
Although, sometimes it’s slightly suspicious when almost every time they hangout is when you’re tagging along
He really has just turned your co-worker into a tool at his disposal
At the most lowly point of his life, he even resorted to flirting with the foolish girl in order to sneak into your dorms
Granted, this repulsive act brought up serpents in his stomach and he had to restrain himself from the gags that tore up his throat
He wound up drowning himself in mouthwash to try and get rid of the rancid taste that never seemed to leave his lips (He was tempted to almost bury himself in bleach but resisted)
This traumatic event did have an upside though, as he was able to creep into the dark corners of your bedroom when his other companion was asleep
Unfortunately, you were not safely sleeping under his watch but just being able to stand in the place he frequently hallucinates about is enough for him
His consciousness moves into a dream-like state as he takes in everything that your fingers have touched
His heart flutters while silently sweeping his gigantic hands over your stuffies and sheets
He takes a seat on your bed and breathes in the reflection of your spirit
Shaking hands reach for the sweater tossed to the left of him
His lips quiver and he can’t hold back the sobs that force their way of him
His misty moon-eyes shine in the light that passes through your curtains
Blue bleeds from his curled up body and coats every surface of your previously vivid room
He despises the way his rotten emotions have blended into your walls
Nibble fingers then quickly gather any item that has sucked up his sorrow (At least that’s what he tells himself)
He’ll take these souvenirs of your sunshine and cherish them until that delightful day arrives when you eventually take their place
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—Min Yoongi
He’s your producer and songwriter
Articles and fan sites have become fascinated and praise the poetic nature of your songs
Each line is drowning in lovesick emotion that carries the weight of the human soul
Each song is unique with a variety of tales telling love and sorrow combined with hateful rage and tortuous terror
Every lyrics he writes is a vow to love you
It’s not a surprise how romantic and illusionary his songs end up being, his heart always sings for you after all
Every time your songs win an award he feels as if his love is validated
And every time a songs fails to reach an achievement, he sobs for days on end, promising to do better
He will not let his words fall flat and be mistaken for empty oaths
His apartment is an archive, full of stacked books overflowing with the words of adoration that never stop their cascade
A graveyard of blue pens (your favourite colour of course) lies in the corner of his living room, each scripted soldier aiding to the thousands of verses written in your honour
Above the TV playing visions of you, are the hundreds of awards placed delicately upon his shelves
You’ll have to excuse his selfish desires but he couldn’t stop himself from taking them
Each award is a golden reassurance that his love for you is reality and the world is aware of it too
It’s even better that these trophies were once held lovingly in your hands
He used to trace the ghost of your fingertips along the lines of the figurine 
Although, once he realized his tainted touch smudged away your memory, he cut his fingertips off in a panic and laid them up on his wall where they've stayed still ever since
Drifting away from painful memory and onto thoughtful perceptions, in a competition between your siren singing and your sweet spoken call, your regular voice comes as a close second
Each sonnet you speak is that much more meaningful due to the fact that what you say are the words he wrote
An angelic tone constantly fills the silence of his apartment from dusk to dawn
It’s even more euphonious watching you perform in the studio
He can’t help his glossy eyes from floating to stare at your open lips
Whilst your silver voice is the constant background noise that fills his head, Yoongi finds time to record you speaking light-hearted chit chat during your recording sessions
When the time comes and Yoongi must make his way home, he walks slow in the studio but sprints on the sidewalk
His rush can be contributed to the fact that Yoongi is always inspired to work on some arrangements when provided with new material
He’ll cut and paste the pieces of his collection and create new paragraphs that he pretends you said to him
Yoongi sees your life as a duet
Neither complete without the other
He used to sing in silence but his voice is so insincere compared to yours
And he takes pride in the way your career and prosperity relies on him so much
You two are so trusting in one another yet a step to far away
It’s a pity Yoongi’s too accepting of his life with you to risk taking it a step further
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—Jung Hoseok
In Hoseok’s realm of reality, you are both undoubtedly in love with one another
Yet your relationship is a secret, kept hidden away from prying eyes and stuffed into the back of his closet where cardboard cutouts and posters sleep
Hobi’s too shy and nervous for his undying love to be publicized, so he’ll just stick to supporting you from the sidelines
He has a YouTube channel where everything and anything is all about you
His favourite segment is unboxing the hundreds of albums he purchases for everyone of your comebacks
Before cutting open the wrapping he’ll wish and beg to see your face so much it’s almost satanic
When he pulls your photocard he almost faints in excitement but when his hands are dirtied by pulling the face of another one of your members he ends up trashing the card
Speaking of your photocards, his collection includes every single card that can be found
Binders upon binders are filled with your face and when he ends up doing a tour for his channel, the video ends up being over 30 hours long
Hoseok’s favourite hobby involves curling up in his bed and cradling your limited edition twin plushie in his crushing embrace
He nestles up to the faux sense of security, stroking the soft fabric and pretending it’s you
Soft yet erratic gasps tumble from his warm mouth
His head controls the ghosts of you that creates strawberry cheeks
A sensitive smile paints it’s way onto a caramel canvas
His body grows hot as his hopeless fantasies drive him into delusion
Swollen lips begging out to brush up against yours
His eyes hang heavy lidded with overblown pupils 
His previous crying mellows down as trembling whines grow needier
He daydreams about how you’d feel held up against him
A raw, rose-bud blooming between the both of your bodies
His heart trembles, overwhelmed by your hands tugging at his hair and dragging your peachy, plush mouth across his neck
Honey hot hands grip harder to the sheets beneath him
You make him so weak
Heat pools below his stomach, all strung up in pretty pleasure
Pressure building and body temp rising, Hoseok’s lost in a fool’s paradise
After every climax in utopia, Hobi is hit with the reality of his predicament
The rainy nights that follow look something like this…
Hoseok gets his head bashed in by a reality check
His brain is blown to bits, bleeding south along his bathroom tiles
Venom pulses through his veins as he wishes the world would lose it’s mania
Veracity is Hoseok’s enemy but it’s a good thing he’s hopeful
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—Kim Namjoon
You make Namjoon so curious
His thirst grows stronger in need of consuming any knowledge slightly related to your existence
Namjoon knows you better than the gods who created you
He’s your worshipper who knows your wants and needs of the past, present and future
Namjoon always keeps updated about your schedules, personal plans, and tiny details which other fans have shared
He keeps a binder stocked full of information
The binding is bursting and pages threaten to flutter out of their place
He’s set aside every Wednesday and Friday to study your life and it’s interesting habits
Saturdays are for quizzes which he forces his roommates to participate in
He’s even started to live his life exactly like yours in order to feel closer to you
This includes him eating the same meals you do and visiting places you’ve been photographed at just minutes after its been posted
He’ll never miss out on purchasing all products you endorse or are seen using
He’s even tailored his style to match your own (He’s always been a fan of couples clothing)
And Namjoon, ever the worrier, is anxious that all your lives, messages, and posts are in danger of being corrupted and lost forever, so he downloads all your content into an archive for safe keeping
Namjoon is a worshipper, dedicating his devotion to your entirety
In a walnut wardrobe with a false backing is where your shrine meets his eyes in the early morning and late night
Of course it’s adorned with the finest and most expensive amenities
Jewelry, love notes scribbled onto loose-leaf paper, totems of the gods luck, and a single golden lock of your hair (Don’t ask him how he got it)
The centrepiece held in this sacred sanctuary is a painted portrait of yours truly
Namjoon’s never been much of an artist but it would be such a travesty not to document your desirable beauty
Every fine features flows into the next, blurred together with emotion and sentiment
He spend almost all the hours of his wake languishing away in an attempt to perfect every detail
He persisted in his laborious ways until every curve, divot, and colour matched that of your own
When a year has faded away and his mastery is finished, pearl droplets of ecstasy and varnish are used to seal it
His half of the shared flat he lives in resembles more of an art gallery and archive then an actually home
No part of Namjoons personality, hobbies, or are emotions are his own
All this mania and madness is for you
The generous god who was gracious enough to let him love you
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—Park Jimin
Jimin is your #1 fan
He was there as you built your career from the bottom and has supported you in every way possible
Every album you produce winds up in his grasp and every song is played on repeat the minute of release
He’s watched every video you’ve ever featured in 100 times over
Posters of you are plastered over every inch of his room, some photos even spilling out into the hallway
Jimin’s favourite lullaby is the sound of your siren song that flows from his CD player every night
Your sugary, sweet voice slithers deep into his thoughts every moment of every day
You are the best things that has ever happened to him… but also the worse
Park Jimin is so fucking jealous
He’s always had trouble containing the fiery beast that lies unsettled in his stomach, yet lately it’s been getting bad
He sees the way you interact with your members and he doesn’t think they’re good for you
They hide your true potential under fake smiles that smear their scarlet lip gloss
He hates only being able to watch as ‘fans’ cover you in filth
His hatred has almost boiled over so many times that he had to stop going to fan-meets
Jimin would never lie to you but he can’t let you see him like this
Death would be a better fate than seeing the disgust that would splatter across your face at the sight of him in such a state
Crystal rain already begins to fall down his face at the mere inclination
The sour words you would spit at his feet and your hardened glare that would piece his chest
However, this doesn’t mean all that he’s done to show his love already is a lie 
He not interested in deceiving you, and the truth is that Jimin is so very sensitive
He’s caring and emotional, selfless when it comes to showing his worth
But sometimes Jimin feels that there’s two sides to him
A twisted twin that he’s so very tired of pushing down
Jimin is growing weak and he isn’t sure how much longer he’ll be able to contain the monster that’s ripping apart his rib cage
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—Kim Taehyung
Taehyung is your eternal shadow
He follows you in the light of day and stalks you in the dark of night
Having Taehyung as your obsessive fan would be like an undying disease
His entire life revolves around you
You are his universe
The first time he caught a glimpse of your face he rushed home to etch the memory onto paper
A fire ignited in his lungs where the smoke billowed out into short, wispy breathes
By the time the next day rolls around he still sits hunched over his desk drawing doodles of you in his notebook
This nights insomnia foreshadows many more sleepless nights spent studying pictures of you
After many weeks his drawings became too lifeless and he yearns for a stolen look at your features once again
The months that follow involve Taehyung spiralling into a new insanity
He quit his job and left his apartment, all in search for a closer spot to you
Taehyung and you share the same silhouette
This is proven in the way he pursues your every move
His new expensive camera captures every moment his eyes fail to catch
The walls of his room are covered in pictures of you taken by his artistic eye
He loses himself in the dreams these candids encourage and traces the outlines of your image as daylight falls
So lost in his own mania he catches himself mumbling your name in place of his friends and mistakes strangers scent in similarity to yours
As time grows old, Taehyung becomes bolder, more infatuated and impatient
This masochist like to tease himself with your touch, stealing the skin he meets when his stalking becomes more akin to silent assault
He takes the risks that put your whole relationship in stake
His crimes double in number as his obsession becomes insatiable
His delusions morph into a place of real-life euphoria as clarity escapes his mind
Last night, right when the clock aged 11 in the absence of light, he stepped foot into your domain
He hasn’t been thinking straight lately, too blinded by his fantasies to consider the consequences
He crawls over to your bed where heaven lies in a slumbering state
He’ll let his throat tear itself to sheds speaking his heart-felt confessions to you
“I’m crazy about you.” Two kisses laid to bed on the crest of your chest
“You’re the center of my world.” Bed sheets rustle as he pulls himself closer
“I’m completely, and utterly devoted to you.” He melts into your unconscious embrace
When the sun wakes, he takes his time dragging himself off of you and out the door
Let’s see how far Kim Taehyung is willing to test his temptations before he destroys it all
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—Jeon Jungkook
“You’re the one I’m dreaming of, in endless love, you’re my forever.”
Jungkook’s love for you is infinite, yet despite his honest intentions, the execution of his attachment can be quite clumsy
It seems that your love is so shocking that it electrocuted his mind
Your breathe so toxic that it ties him up in a tongue-twister, tripping over his words for the days to follow
Body so heavenly that his brain has melted into mush upon your first encounter
Jungkook first spotted you on a billboard in the city and he swore he could see the stars in your eyes
Since then he dove head-first into everything there was to know about you
He schedule practically matches yours too a tee
Although this was not without great struggle, after losing his job, blowing his rent money, and setting fire to his friendships, Jungkook has endured everything in order to be close to you
He makes sure to attend all your events, concerts, fan-meets, and all things in between
He’s the one who shouts your name the loudest, he gives you the biggest gifts, and he sends you the most love letters
Practically every one of your fans knows who he is at this point
Jeon Jungkook is a psycho fan who stalks you, is blacklisted from almost every venue (But that never stops him from finding a way in), and has had rumours of assaulting other fans who get in his way
His obvious obsession is also what leads him to check all articles, management posts, and your social media every night
This is was leads him to a harrowing discovery
“Unfortunately, popular k-pop idol L/N Y/N has fa-” He never finished the sentence before he threw up
Checking back on the article his concern became reality as news of you being injured broke his barely beating heart
The ice water drifting through his veins pours out of him in the form of desperate teardrops
Ear-shattering wailing disrupts his neighbours sleep and Jungkook's crying continues on for the rest of the night
The only solution to his misery comes to him in a disfigured dream
Jungkook makes his way to your apartment on an evening that borders on sunset
Fresh flowers are placed in front of your door accompanied with a hundred page note and a stinging smile
He hopes that this will cheer you up in your times of great distress
…His plans end up backfiring completely
The next night you go live and Jungkook waits athirst for the words you’re about to speak
“Please, please stop coming to my home. I can’t trust or appreciate anyone who so blatantly ignores my privacy and safety. If I have to beg you to stop stalking me then how can I even call you my fans?”
You think he doesn’t love you?
No, no, no, no, he loves you, oh god he loves you so much
Why can’t you see it?
Can you not tell just how much his heart screams out for its other half?
Do you not notice all the agony he has endured, and will continue to endure, in the name of your happiness?
This revelation brings on a fit of hysteria 
Fears squeezes the air out of his lungs as he hyperventilates on the living room floor
Wet words are yelled out between sobs and pleads for your love
His tears don’t stop flooding his eyes as he lies helplessly on the wooden floorboards that soak up the sadness
Hours border on days as he lays limpless
He doesn’t eat nor sleep yet only mumbles a hopeless mantra that he prays will reach your ears
“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you-” 
Poor, pathetic Jungkook
All those days sitting in sorrow allow a dire idea to fester within his mind
Termites of idiocy tore apart his brain and spat out of the lovelorn remains
Perhaps this distance is what’s limiting your sight of his loving languish
He wants to be closer to you, craves it, no, needs it to survive in this confusing world that pins you two against each other
So all this thinking leads him to kidnap you from your dorm
He shushes your scream with the hand held over your mouth (one that also holds a wet rag submersed in chloroform)
When you wake you’re disoriented and full of confusion
You’re faced with an unfamiliar ceiling and dark shadows that spiral into your sight
The only strong force that keeps you connected to this world are the arms wound tight around your torso
The muffled man comforts your crying before you can notice his own
“Now I can finally show you how much I love you.”
© cybsoo2 2024, all rights reserved ‎
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ilariyalavorowrites · 11 months
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Good Enough (Chapter Ten)
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Imagine: Imagine leaving LA after feeling like an outsider in your relationship with Bobby and Athena as they seem to pull away and distance themselves from you. Only to find that it is almost impossible to actually walk away.
Warnings: Angst with happy ending, AU, Bisexual Athena, BDSM
Pairings: Bobby Nash x Reader x Athena Grant
Word count: 3,945 words
Universe: 9-1-1
Reader gender: Female
Tagged: @graniairish @madhatter-crazyasahatter-blog @4everflowercore @blueskyredrosegrey @agathaharknessfan96 @ljej95 @yoshinorecommends @horsedragonllama @forever2ne1 @clayzayden @multifandomlesbianic @thepotatoislost @tvshowmasterlistblog @guardianangelsblog @unkindn3ss-of-rav3ns @cptn-nash @originalsoulcollector @ateandleftnocrumbz @911readercollection
Previous
Part: 10/10
“I desperately wanted to hate what I could see growing before my eyes, whilst I felt the sting of bitterness deepening within the very depths of my soul.
I was being pushed but I just couldn’t hate such tender love, pure and healing those festering wounds within you both. I knew there was no way forward. This was my out and I had to take it before those dreaded dark seeds blossomed. I could not be the one to tear down love as beautiful as yours.”
The sound of silence was almost deafening in how all-consuming it was, as you stood straight ahead. You had brought the axe down hard, cutting the conversation dead in its tracks. What else could be said after such a heart-breaking confession left your cracked lips? Your mouth was dryer than the Sahara desert as you waited for the oppressive atmosphere to pass. 
You would have regretted the moment those words crossed your lips if they had been a falsehood, a lie to distract from the truth. However this was your reality, this was how you truly felt. You watched as Bobby’s hope deflated as he began to disappear into himself once more. This cut deeper than anything else, as you witnessed his confidence and self-worth shattered into a million differently shaped pieces. This was now what you wanted but a by-product.
No matter how you phrased it, no carefully thought-through planned statement could have stopped the blunt force of agony that swiftly followed. It was a hard pill to swallow but you couldn’t skirt around what this was. This was the end of the road when hearts got broken, where feelings were pushed out of the way for the cold harsh light of day. This was a break-up, one that had been long coming. You had heard the deafening sirens in the distance but ignored them for as you as possible. You had wanted this to work, you had wanted them in your life as your romantic partners. 
This was failure plain and simple, no matter how it was presented even neatly with a bow tied on top. This attempt at an unconventional relationship, a throuple had crashed and burnt in a way that you hadn’t given a second thought to. Yet here you were with an increasingly despondent Bobby. Athena had held steadfast to her second amendment rights, falling silent and staring anywhere to avoid your gaze.
You felt as if you had been caught with your hand in a cookie jar when you had been told no treats before dinner. At this moment, shame and guilt were the most prevalent emotions but shades of regret and the anguish of waking up alone tomorrow were starting to manifest, mixing in. The weight of this new dawn was unlike what you had experienced before. You had navigated through both messy and amicable breaks but this felt beyond different.
This would be a whole new scenario to manoeuvre through, the various twists and turns that encompassed the maze that you standing in with walls that stretched as far as the eye could see. Your reality had somewhat shifted, changing the illusionary location rapidly. In a blink of an eye, the interrogation room melted away. This was what your mind replaced it with. An inescapable maze, that you rushed through but constantly failed to find the correct path that would lead you out.
This was your anticipated worst-case scenario in one way but yet things were not playing out as you initially imagined. It was a hell of a lot worse than anything that your twisted mind would conjure up. You should feel relieved as the pressure on your chest was finally released as you spoke what had been lingering in the back of your mind. That dejected look in Athena’s eyes stung more than ever thought it might as if that knife you used to cut the thread connecting you to them had been turned around and thrust into your chest.
It twisted left then right, damaging just enough with each turn of the wrist knowingly to leave a mark behind. A reminder whenever you dared to glance into the mirror at your reflection. There it would be, a figurative wound, raw and never truly closing for all your days to come. A fractured heart, aching to be healed but the missing piece could never be reclaimed. This was the price too high that would be paid here and now. The piper was calling and this was your reply.
What else was there to be said? The ball was in their court, you just needed to be patient and wait to see what happened next. Bobby Nash, Fire Captain of Firehouse 118 stood off to one side contemplating how small his world had just become. In a few short minutes, his happy little world had frozen over as feelings of failure, inadequacy, confusion and grief overtook his peripheral vision. Sliding over him like the visor clicking down on his helmet. 
This felt like a step to the side, not a step backwards into the darkness. He wasn’t alone in his despair this time. He had a partner along for the ride-sharing the load as he felt Athena slide along before placing her hand into his. An act of comfort, this was what he needed. Tears would come but not quite yet. He had cried enough for more than one lifetime. Athena barely contained the sorrow as it quelled beneath her simmering fury. 
The storm had come and gone, brushed aside in the heat of the moment. A numbness soon followed, settling over the two of them as they took their first steps back into the world, their hearts bruised and cracked but holding firm. Knitting the threads that held them together tighter than before. This had tested them, pushing them to the edge, only to pull them back again. 
One where things hadn’t worked out when they tried taking a different path, was by inviting one another in and opening up their cosy relationship. It had been one hell of a ride, where flames of passion smouldered. However, ultimately the spark dimmed as that once fierce blaze cooled down until three had disappeared right back to the beginning. Where a couple stood there, watching as the third left. 
Had the right person stumbled in at the wrong time? This bizarre thought dared to cross his mind. Maybe this was simply poor timing and ill planning. He had nothing but time to run all the questions, the what-ifs and the rabbit holes that it might lead him down. Athena would be there to set him straight when he’d evitable delve too far into the depths of his mind, becoming lost in the dark. She would be the light to emulate the path hidden from his sight.
This was both the end and a new beginning. It would be an uphill battle, only this time he would have someone else along for the ride. “This was never the plan when Athena and I opened up our relationship, to invite you in you for a time and then to push you right back out into the cold” He started as he worked through his thoughts, trying to vocalize his rapidly shifting feelings. 
He was everything all at once. A perfect storm locked away in a glass flask but the fierce winds were steadily calming. Athena was another story together as she had remained tight-lipped. All her words were locked away in a vault, under lock and key. There was no doubt that she would make one hell of a poker player, as she masked through each time she bluffed about the cards in her hand. Winning round after round with ease. Burning holes in various pockets and wallets like a seasoned pro. This was different, this was her vanishing beneath her mask and simply walking away.
Storm Athena had vanished in a blink of an eye but was it for the better? That would be the question you were battling with in the days to come. Overanalyzing all the little details of this moment, trying to find sense and logic in her actions. Trying to almost read what was happening within, to hear those precious few thoughts that indicate her next play, the steps that she would inevitably take.
Would things ever truly be amicable? You hoped that would in time but that’s all you could do. Hope that the day would crest over the horizon sooner rather than later but you wouldn’t push. They deserved all the time in the world as the walls sheltering their little piece of paradise began reconstruction. As their battered and bruised hearts started on the next stage of their healing journey without you. Athena, I know that you don’t want to talk to me. Hell, I don’t expect you to even respond or read this but please know that I never meant to hurt you or Bobby. I saw the door start to close. 
I should have tried harder to reach out, to be heard but we are long past that. I don’t know if I’ll be back this way but please know that I did cherish the time that I was there standing toe to toe with you and Bobby. I would never want to stand in the way, have that loving affection turn sour and embittered by the very experience of having a front-row seat to a show that slowly capsizing.  
You deserve better than this, you both do. The dear John letter was a stupid and careless idea that I never thought all the way through but please know that I will never freeze out the lines of communication if you ever think of me and want to reach out for that long overdue talk. I will say this one last thing, 
I did deeply care about the pair of you, you meant the world to me but this was not our time. This was not ours around but it is yours and Bobby’s. I saw that secret smile whenever you locked eyes with him and vis versa. A love story in motion but I was grateful to have been a part of it. I wish you nothing but all the happiness in the world for all that is to come. 
Clicking send hadn’t been the hardest part, as you sat in the seat of the Grey Hound bus heading out of town. The hospital had arranged transport to the bus station then the rest had been up to you. Your one-way ticket was tucked firmly between the pages of the cheesy romance book you had picked up in the little shop at the hospital on your way out. Something to keep your mind preoccupied. 
You had let yourself chuckle softly when you had first pulled it out of your bag. You hadn’t even checked the title when choosing between the limited range and selection starting up from the shelves. The three different books to choose from, you had split down the middle and just gone for door room two which had turned out to be the only romance-heavy option. It was truly karma in action, a borderline cruel reminder of what once had been yours. 
An epic love for ages, well it might have been if the fire hadn’t been blown out. You had been one to finish off those embers, never once giving them a chance to reignite. Now as you sat staring out of the window watching the world rush past. A sense of conflicted peace rolled over. This was a new beginning, a chapter closing as you started on a new adventure into pastures unknown.
Whether the grass was greener on the other side, you’d soon find out as the bus turned the corner and headed out onto the freeway. You had crossed the point of no return more than once in the last few hours. Or so it felt but there was no point in looking backwards, no matter how much it hurt to admit.
Silently you muttered a single word, finally cutting the tattered remains of the thread that held you in place.
Goodbye
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It had been a rollercoaster of ups and downs in the years since you had last dared to step foot in Los Angeles. Both professional and personal. You pushed any thoughts of those failed relationships and the dead-end jobs that landed at your feet when you had struggled to find a home. 
Home had found you when an unmissable job opportunity crossed your desk one fine day three months back. It was almost impossible to stop your fingers from typing up and updating your resume. Before you had known it, you had completed the application and clicked the send button launching into the depths of the electronic superhighway that was the internet. Regret did not follow in its wake. You had anticipated some awkwardness resonating within you but nothing occurred.
You had expected nothing to come from it, it was almost a complete shot in the dark. Yes, you had the skills and the experience in a similar field but would that be enough? As you worked your shoes off day in and day out, you had pretty much forgotten about that one particular job application sent three weeks beforehand. 
You had long since concluded that if you hadn’t heard by now then you were highly unlikely to hear anything at all. You pushed forward with the daily grind. Going to work and then back home. Rinse later and repeat. 
Until that one notification last thing on Friday night shook things up. An interview then a second and a third soon followed after. Before long an offer of another job, a chance to spread your wings and take flight back to the City of Angels manifested. All that you needed to do was simply say yes, well that and find a place to set up shop. Apartment hunting pre-pandemic was hard enough but this was a whole new ball game. Virtual viewings were the done thing in the post-pandemic world.
Viewing a possible home through the screen of any available device, a tour at your fingertips allowed you to go from room to room as you tried to ascertain whether this one, the third tour of the day was the one. Whether it met all your basic requirements. Was it too far from your base of operations? Was it located in a reasonable neighbourhood? Were there good transportation links into the city itself?
Question after question arose as you continued to scroll into the next room. This seemed a lot harder than all the times before when you had needed to go apartment hunting. It was turning into a headache, they all could easily be made to look rather simpler with the click of a well-positioned camera lens. 
As text came through lighting up your phone screen, you paused the video for a moment. The name displayed above the message knocked you for six. You hesitated opening it, for it could easily go one or two ways. For this moment in time, you were solely existing in Schrödinger's cat type of scenario.
It could both be a harmless conversation starter, cracking open what once had been slammed shut or yet it could be something that held steadfast to the notion of flogging a dead horse. Or it be both at the same time but until you dared to look inside that box, you wouldn’t know. Without a second more to mull it over, you clicked upon it. You held your breath as the message revealed itself to your increasingly growing anxiety that bubbled within.
After all this time, Athena responded and replied to your mammoth message sent. Your olive branch to do right by her, to have the chance to sit down and talk like adults. To see if it was truly possible to let sleeping dogs lie and move forward as friends. You hated the idea of completely burning that bridge and cutting her and Bobby out of life because of your mistakes. There had been the building blocks for a stable foundation which you have decided had been cracked.
In the time since then, you had searched through every avenue of what had been. Through rose-tinted glasses, you had viewed the long hours, the lapses in replies and the never-ending chain of cancellations and rearranged dates in haste. They were a part of the daily up and downs when dating two first responders. You had acted with the emotional range of a moody teenager. You hadn’t taken the time to consider what it meant for them, who you were at the end of the day.
You were meant to be their safe harbour, away from the multiple emergencies that lingered on the other side of that door. When it slammed shut, you could have their light in the dark leading through the long nights. Instead of salving to heal their wound, you had ripped them wide out, tearing out their hearts, watching as bled at your feet when you had penned that letter without giving each of them a second thought.
It had all about you. You had changed and grown as a person since then learning more about how to navigate a relationship. The many twists and turns that came and went day in and day out and learning from your past indiscretion when it came to communication lay at the heart of every relationship. Looking back, it hadn’t been your finest hour the last time you were even in the state. You had run away, tail tucked between your legs across several state lines under you found yourself darkening your brother’s door. He had been expecting you. 
Only a few weeks later than initially planned. You had kept him updated from your hospital bed, your ear red raw from his worried rants stuck on repeat like a broken record. Each time you called, He softened his tone and inclination and by the time you arrived. The once bare-to-the-bone wire-like threads that had once connected you had begun to heal, deepened as that proud man opened his heart and mind to welcome home the sibling that had been pushed away. It had been a challenging climb but he had been by your side, walking in tandem.  He had grown as a man, as a brother and as a human being. 
One relationship had flourished, whilst another faded away. However this message, oh how it made your heart skip a beat. Anxious laden but still hope began to flutter its paper-thin wings as it flicked back to life.
I will not deny that your action hurt, not only me but Bobby too. It has taken me years to come to terms with how things went down. I’m ready to talk, understand and move forward completely then we can go from there. 
It had been frank and straight to the point like the woman behind those words but it was a chance. One that won’t waste this go around. It was hard not to smile, to fight back those feelings that you long since buried. Soon enough those dreaded butterflies would take up residence within your stomach but you won’t let them consume you. This was a fresh start, not a blank slate. 
Athena, thank you for this. Let me know when you are free to speak. I am ready to answer all the questions you have. I’m sure that there are plenty, I will be nothing short of completely honest with you
You watched the screen, waiting for those two little ticks to appear. The sign that the message had been delivered then you’d have to kill time until the colour changed from grey to blue showing that Athena had read your message. You placed your phone down as you couldn’t be glued to that device like a lovesick fool. The ball was now in her court now. 
When the message arrived, it was simple. Date and time staring up at you. A question then arose in the back of your mind, who would be the one to initiate the phone call in question? However, before you could even type out a response, another message appeared. She would be the one to call you. It felt damn near bizarre finding yourself in a situation such as this. However, you’d pushed on through if it meant salvaging a relationship from the wreckage. Even if it would be nothing but wholly platonic or not in the long run.
As you typed a quick reply, you smiled softly feeling happier than you had in months, as a sense of peace washed over you as you made your way of the room. A list as long as your arm began to form in your mind of all the possibly questions that might soon be coming your way. 
“It’s a start, the best that I could have hoped for” You softly repeat like mantra as you considered the next steps. Whatever they might be. The bounce in your step would come in time but still each stride no longer felt like you were walking in treacle. Weighed down with the guilt that you had long since carried upon your shoulders. 
Peace was just the beginning if things truly went well. This was only the first of hopefully upon this new trail off the beaten path. 
New memories to be made once you had truly arrived but you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself. One foot in front of the other, never pushing forward unless the opportunity presented itself. You finally could let go of that aching sense of guilt that hung deftly around your neck. The hangman’s noose tightened of its own accord through the day, worsening when you were lying alone at night, clock-watching until sleep overtook you. 
Pushing away the persistent thought of what if, what if you could go back and change the order that events had played out. You simply couldn’t but it was in the past, finally buried when Athena knew the truth behind your actions. The why, the how and the emotions that drove your hand when drawing the next card from the deck of life. 
When you drew the next one, it would be the one that changed your tomorrow into bright light that you’d lovingly thrive to keep joyfully humming in all the days that came after. Through the many ups and downs as you rode through the hard and trying times, through the days were sun shone brightest as if it was only illuminated for you and the ones you loved.
The hours seemed to rush past waiting for the sun to slip beneath the horizon. As day seamlessly melted away as night took hold. You stood silent as a mouse, staring out at the night sky smiling to yourself as innocent enough thoughts overtook as you pictured a new dawn. This was only the beginning, to gain Athena’s forgiveness, trust and friendship was a road that needed to be walked. A journey that you had started, crossing the threshold when you had offered an olive branch.
You had gained ground but that conversation was all that mattered. You wanted to make good on your promise. Tomorrow was now more than just another day, one to toil through the hours until it was time to head home. Athena then maybe one day you could bring yourself to face Bobby.
As you rebuilt your world, one thread at a time. It would not be the same as before but still, it would be home.
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askodessa · 7 months
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What powers do you have as a siren?
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⋅🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡 ⋅⋅ 🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡 ⋅⋅ 🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡 ⋅⋅ 🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡 ⋅⋅ 🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡 ⋅⋅ 🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡
"If my memory serves me well; I am able to heal flesh wounds and minor afflictions, swim far and fast through water, bare crystal clear vision through the darkness of night and cast illusionary spells upon myself..."
"I heard through tales that some sirens sing as a weapon...some say sirens are harbingers of death, creatures that guide others to a watery grave...my lyrical gift is not an instrument of death but...it has hurt someone once before..."
⋅🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡 ⋅⋅ 🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡 ⋅⋅ 🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡 ⋅⋅ 🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡 ⋅⋅ 🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡 ⋅⋅ 🙡 ⋅ ⚘ ⋅ 🙡
➥ Follow my Socials @runuelle || Personal Blog Ethmoids || Toyhouse Ethmoidsart || Instagram
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wedreamedlove · 6 months
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To Live In A World - Light & Night Group Essay
Light and Night has an 18+ rating in China but, in my opinion, it's not for sexually suggestive scenes, it's for the topics they bring up that only individuals with solid worldviews can appreciate and discuss. One topic that comes up again and again is how an individual lives in the world: what makes someone choose to leave and what makes someone keep going?
Out of the 5 male leads in Light and Night, Sariel, Evan, and Osborn have tried to kill themselves. Charlie cannot even conceive of the idea of suicide, but he also discusses this topic and has his own coping methods to deal with suffering. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Jesse has the standard response that he can't give up on everything because of his responsibilities, his attachments, and his loved ones [SSR Prairie Fire DATE].
Trigger warning for discussions about suicide. Spoilers up to Chapter 19 and Charlie's 2023 birthday.
[SSR Escaping Into Dusk DATE]
Evan: "Do you know how to meet a mermaid?" His tone sounded like he was asking someone a question, but also like he was simply telling the opening of a story. Evan: "You have to swim to the bottom of the ocean—there it will turn pitch-black and blue skies will become a memory." Evan: "When you lie down in that silence and decide to become a part of it, mermaids will appear." Evan: "If your love is sincere and pure enough, they will accept you and take you away forever."
This story comes from The Big Blue and, in the context of Evan's date, refers to committing suicide. I think it's only fitting to start this essay with this haunting metaphor, and this also happens to be one of the times Evan tried to commit suicide during the period of his life when he enjoyed freediving.
TO LIVE IS TO SUFFER—
Since Evan opened this essay, we'll continue to talk about him. First, to understand what could drive someone to commit suicide, I will summarize Evan's background. He was born into a caring nuclear family that quickly disintegrated and so, at the tender age of 5, he lost the love and protection of both parents. Right after that, he was forced to go through the brutal training all Blood Clan members go through, such as survival training in the woods and the indoctrination of their superiority.
[SSR Secrets in the Shade DATE]
Evan: Yes, it was when I was a child and driven into the woods for the first time. Evan: I witnessed wild beasts hunting and escaped from the mouth of a snake. I felt that the forest was full of dangers and only wished to get out of there quickly. Evan: And, just when I was hungry and exhausted, I saw a bamboo mushroom. Evan: At the time, I didn't know what it was and whether or not it was poisonous. I looked at it and thought hopelessly that I might as well pluck it and eat it, and resign myself to my fate.
[SSR Illusionary Light - 14 Years Ago Fall TRAJECTORY]
I felt my pulse beating, ba-dump, ba-dump—and so I aimed the screwdriver at it and stabbed down hard. The second the blood spurted out I heard the sound of my soul drilling out too. It cheered and sang for the freedom and sunlight it waited for so long. I was a bit happy, because I discovered that my heavy body was gradually turning light. That feeling of being able to fly even without wings was addictive. The smell of blood was a strong fragrance and when it dripped onto the mud it even blossomed as a vivid flower. [...] This time no one would be able to stop my footsteps. When the blood ran out, I would be free.
[SSR Against One's Heart - 11 Years Ago Spring TRAJECTORY]
Whenever my body was spread open to be seasoned, I always prayed in my heart for rot to come. I think I would greet it with extraordinary calm and even a small smile. Of course, I would allow myself to retain a bit of sadness and this would be my last reverence and friendliness to life. I held this thought until the first spot of mold appeared on my body—I meant the fresh and still bleeding bowl-sized wound in my chest, large enough that my heart could almost fall out. There was no moment closer to death than now, however a long-lost fear suddenly grew crazily in my body until, in the end, I was defeated. I watched myself stuff cotton balls into my body, along with all my obsessions and wickedness, and the blood stuck them together, forming a new piece of flesh of its own. If death happened to arrive at this moment, he would surely laugh at my hypocrisy and cowardice. Fortunately, the dense night outside the window stretched in front of me like train tracks and I could even hear his departing footsteps that were too lazy to step over those tracks.
The Blood Clan ground away his individuality, his sentimentality, and his attachments. In his 1st birthday [SSR Enticing Feast DATE], Evan explains that all members of the Blood Clan are brought up to have no affections for anything but family. He couldn't be picky about his food, he could only read books that were approved, and his pet rabbit was killed. To make matters worse, Evan is also the black sheep of the Blood Clan. He cannot bring himself to be like them with their cruelty, arrogance, and depravity. He shares their instincts but he instinctively rebels against it and questions all of the Blood Clan values.
Can someone even be considered to be "living" in this existence? It's no wonder Evan doesn't think there's anything to keep him in this world, because he grew up without even knowing who "he" is as a person.
Despite all this though, Evan did manage to find a way to reconcile his self-destructive impulses. However, this answer is going to be left for the next section and, instead, we are going to move onto our next male lead who suffered, Osborn.
Much like Evan, Osborn was also born to a loving family that disintegrated, starting with his father leaving and ending with his mother's multiple attempts to abandon him before she finally succeeded. Once that happened, Osborn had no more attachments to this world and thought about how easy it would be for him to disappear without anyone noticing or caring. He grew up with this fear of being abandoned again and so was afraid to get close to anyone. This self-isolation was only exacerbated by the prejudice of people around him, who saw him as a juvenile offender, and made no attempts to understand him.
[SSR The 400 Blows TRAJECTORY - 14 Years Ago Early Spring]
I look forward, beyond anything else, to the moment I kill myself. At least this proves that, at the very end, before the world abandons me, I severed my relationship with it first.
[SSR The 400 Blows TRAJECTORY - 8 Years Ago Early Summer]
After waking up, he climbed to the edge of the rooftop and looked at the rusty red marks on the concrete floor that couldn't be washed away, like they were a silent accusation. So long as he jumped, he could escape everything. Will anyone grieve for me? Will anyone care about my death? Osborn blankly thought.
[SSR Free Fall TRAJECTORY - 6 Years Ago Early Winter]
He suddenly raised his hand and slashed at his own neck hard. However, the biting pain didn't bring a sense of relief. Instead, it hurt more.
[SSR Free Fall TRAJECTORY - 4 Years Ago Early Winter]
All my classmates had jumped and kept hurrying me. The waves grew larger and larger and I realized I really would die if I didn't jump. But there was an instant where I seriously had the idea of giving up. I thought about leaving things like this, because to me this had never been an act to survive but instead a punishment.
Freedom is a double-edged sword. In protecting himself by keeping others at a distance and not getting attached, Osborn had also walled himself off from the world. It was all too easy for him to be indifferent and flippant with his own life because he cherished nothing and believed that no one cherished him.
However, as we all know, people (and animals) did get under Osborn's defenses and became family members he took under his wing and who ended up binding him to this world. He also discovered his own way of reconciling with the world, which we will talk about in the next section.
The last suicidal man was Sariel. Unlike the others (except for Jesse), Sariel was born to a loving family and there were no tragedies in his childhood. Instead, it was the trauma of war in his early adulthood that brought him to despair. On the battlefield, he saw the cycle of hatred and revenge, what humans do at the extremes of desperation (cannibalism), massacred a village, and ultimately ended the life of someone he loved with his own hands. Everyone he knew and loved passed away, either due to circumstances or the long passage of time, and after fulfilling all of their leftover wishes he himself was left with nothing of his own but crushing survivor's guilt.
[SSR Meeting Spring FILM REEL - Undead Nightmare]
Sariel lay on the shore of the lake and it was unclear whether it was lake water or tears on his face. Sariel: Yet another failure. After that, Sariel tried countless times more. Since his talent would save him, then he would try even more drastic methods. However, his talent followed him relentlessly like a curse. Cut veins would heal, torn off limbs would be restored, and even his heart could recover its function after being pierced by a long blade.
Not mentioned above is how, for his first attempt, Sariel jumped off a cliff and his body was practically pulverized or how, in the scene prior to the translation, he tied himself to a rock and sank into the bottom of a lake to drown. Unlike the other men, Sariel would have truly ended his life on multiple occasions if it weren't for his talent, but since he couldn't die he became an empty husk that wandered the world instead, attempting to drown out his pain in vices like gambling and wine.
So now, after seeing how some of the men in Light and Night hit absolute rock bottom in their lives, how did they pick themselves up and walk all the way to the present to stand before us?
—TO SURVIVE IS TO FIND MEANING IN THE SUFFERING (GORDON W. ALLPORT)
As I have been mentioning, all the men in Light and Night were able to come to terms with living in this world, although it's arguable how "healthy" their coping methods are. In this section, I will not be listing the men in the order I introduced them, but rather by my opinion on the worst-to-best coping methods the men demonstrate. Naturally, this is an incredibly personal opinion and you do not have to agree with me at all. In fact, discussion would be happily welcomed!
First, we have Evan.
[SSR Escaping Into Dusk DATE]
Evan: Actually, it can't be called liking it. It's just that I was once a little addicted to the feeling of freediving. Evan: In a turbid world without sound, color, or light. Evan: You toss aside every tool and means and rely only on the limits of what the human body can do... Evan: It's true the pain brought on by this method is inevitable, but the freedom of the soul gained from this is very captivating. Evan: You will genuinely experience and truly reach your inherent limitations as a human being. Evan: And, in this process, you can also expand the limit of your boundaries bit by bit as much as possible. MC: It sounds like it's nearly walking on the edge of death. Evan: More or less. But it's certainly attractive, isn't it?
[SSR Secrets in the Shade DATE]
MC: When you're feeling down or that things are difficult, just fantasize about the wonderful life you'll have after achieving your goals. [...] Evan: After I achieve my goals? Evan: At that time, perhaps nothing will be important anymore.
There are two parts to Evan's reconciliation with the world. First, as I brought up in my essay "The Depth of his Feelings", I believe the way Evan flirts with death is a homage to traditional vampire literature and their attraction to their own death, but I also think this is a natural act of those who are suicidal and lost as a person. Owing to the Blood Clan, Evan questioned himself and his perception of the world, but nothing is quicker at grounding someone to this world than the undeniable physical sensation of their body's primal instinct to survive.
Second, Evan ended up becoming indifferent to death. Even though I'm mentioning Evan first for "unhealthy" coping methods, it's mostly directed at his near-death outlets, and I actually appreciate his acceptance of death. On that note, there isn't a contradiction here because, even if his body emotionally wants to survive, he has intellectually made peace with death.
Evan's view on death reminds me a lot of the Stoic ideal of the good death. The Stoics do not believe that death is anything to fear because everything comes to an end and, in fact, they believe that suicide is a choice and amoral. The door is always open to you if you choose to leave; the only caveat is that you must consider your circumstances seriously and make your decision logically and not on a rash and impulsive decision. For Evan, he calmly accepts death after he achieves his goal (of wiping out the Blood Clan) because, to him, his life would be complete and there would be nothing more for him in this world. It would be a good death. Evan's acceptance of his own death can also be seen in his 2nd anniversary card [SSR Yesterday's Elegy TRAJECTORY].
Alright, we've seen how Evan reconciled with the world, so now we're going to move onto Charlie.
[SSR To the Oracle DATE]
Charlie: Fiancée, freedom exists. Charlie: It's pain and sacrifice that let him feel the value of existence. [...] Because that person who treats pain as feeling the world and touches the weight of freedom is Charlie too. [...] Charlie: But they can't stop themselves from interacting with others. MC: Why do they have to be so persistent... Charlie: Because they still have hope for this world.
[SSR Solar Flare DATE]
Charlie: I cried terribly when I learned that he would never come back. Charlie: But when I grew up I gradually understood that maybe he had already decided to say goodbye to this world. Charlie: So long as people live they will get hurt. No one knows how much pain the seemingly optimistic and cheery people around them have endured alone. Charlie: Time couldn't heal his wounds and so he gave up on saving himself. I could hear the conflict in his heart. He was someone who clearly valued life a lot and always spared no effort in saving every single person. How many similar things had he gone through, how many helpless moments had he experienced, and how had he carried all of this to this day to stand in front of me... I had no way of imagining it. I could only hold his hand tightly to let him know that I was trying to understand how he felt. Charlie: The look in Myron's eyes before he was lifted into the ambulance made me feel that everything I had done just now might have been meaningless. Charlie: But I will still choose to save them. I can't explain why, maybe it's an instinct.
Like I mentioned, Charlie cannot even conceive of the idea of committing suicide but, ironically, he experiences the world through suffering. As a phoenix, he innately loves the world and its people, and that's why the injustices and despair in the world hurt him so much. So, how does he find an outlet for this pain?
[SSR Perpetual Journey Home TRAJECTORY - New Era 44 Late Autumn]
Charlie clenched his fist, making the tense veins in his arms and wrists bulge out before they submerged into his palm. His flat nails nearly dug hard enough into his skin to bleed. Only then did I suddenly notice that his broad palm was covered with crescent-shaped scars that curved in the same direction. The protruding white marks were old, but it was obvious they were quickly covered with new purple marks before they faded. MC: ... Don't hurt yourself. I placed my fingers on the tips of his fingers and tried to pry them away. But Charlie didn't loosen his hand. He bent his knuckles so hard that it seemed as if he was biting the skin of his palm painfully. And that pain actually entered my body through this touch. MC: Charlie, let go! I heard my own urgent voice, as well as the imaginary quiet sound of flesh being separated. His fingernails dug into his palm, which slowly began to turn red. MC: Charlie, I don't understand... I shook my head, tears staining my cheeks. I didn't understand why he had to torture himself like this. Or— I did understand, but I could only use this common logic to persuade him to stop harming himself. The glaring redness of his palm filled my mind like the shallows of a sea. I smiled bitterly. Wasn't pain just another way of breathing?
[SSR Under the Stigmata DATE]
He walked to my side and sat down, watching quietly as the boy turned back to plucking his black feathers, as if he had seen this done countless times. In a daze, I saw Charlie sitting there in a firefighter's uniform, his face covered with smoke and dust. And every time the boy plucked a feather, his expression that was on the verge of a breakdown softened a little, as if that action could relieve his pain. I also saw Charlie, wearing a white coat and looking exhausted. He sat there blankly, his hands still shaking slightly. I recognized this action, it meant that he had just completed a long operation. They all had the same contentment of pain on their faces. It dawned on me that this place, this house, might have been built by his father originally, and Charlie had also once destroyed it. But in the present, Charlie had built all of this by himself, brick by brick. Here, he overlooked the pain of his past, again and again, gaining the power to rebuild himself from it. I thought about how he found a way to use this pain, but this didn't mean that this pain no longer existed and I didn't want to see any Charlie trapped in it.
This is how Charlie reconciles with the world and his powerlessness. It reminds me of these tweets about trashed bathrooms and how, when people have no control over their life or environment, they will want to assert control over the small part of their environment that they still have the power to affect. In this case, what can you always affect? Yourself. In a way, this is somewhat similar to how Evan paces on the border of life and death, because not only does it make him feel alive but it also gives him control.
For Charlie, there are so many things that he cannot control in the world, especially other people's decision to take their own lives. He also lives under the extraordinary pressure and control of his father, who has been trying to mould Charlie into his perfect heir (and a god to rule this world?). By hurting himself, Charlie can be assured that he is still in control of his own life and his own decisions and this gives him the strength to pick himself up again and again, among all this suffering, to try and help more people.
You can probably see why I don't rate Charlie's method that highly either, because I don't advocate self-harm, haha. Next, after having seen Charlie's method, we move onto Sariel.
[SSR Seeing the Spring FILM REEL - The Mayfly]
Sariel (Phantom): Everything has a conclusion that you have no choice but to accept, regardless of whether it goes against your heart or not, or whether it hurts you or not. Sariel (Phantom): When this pain is too heavy, it's better to forget it than to confront it bruised and bloody. Sariel (Phantom): Living on relies not on redemption or reconciliation, but on forgetting. Sariel: Did you survive to that time just by forgetting? Sariel (Phantom): Yes. Sariel (Phantom): Rather than letting regret and pain erode your heart into an empty husk, it's better to forget everything. Sariel (Phantom): Live on, Sariel. Someone is waiting for you in the future.
As we saw earlier, Sariel would have succeeded in committing suicide if it weren't for his talent. This is why his coping method is to forget the weight of his pain before it drives him mad and turns him into something else. In this dialogue between himself, Sariel does question whether forgetting is just another way of escaping his pain, much like drinking; but, in my opinion, it's a valid choice to set aside the pain when you cannot handle it in the moment. Sariel sealed his power and memories away but, now that he has you to support him, he's unsealed his power and memories and has the strength to look back on his past and come to terms with everything with a less despairing outlook.
Lastly, we come to Osborn who, in my personal opinion, has the healthiest mindset.
[SSR Free Fall TRAJECTORY - 1 Year Ago Midsummer]
To be honest, I was disappointed in that moment. It was no different from any other rainbow that appeared somewhere after the rain. It was very beautiful, and very ordinary. The end of the rainbow was in fact just the end of the rainbow, and it was only my imagination of it that idealized it. But I still stared at it for a long time, until I found that the disappointment wasn't that terrible either. Because the world didn't care at all whether or not I was disappointed. Even if I never set foot on the road again because of this, the world wouldn't use anything I longed for to urge me to stay. After understanding this, I suddenly no longer gritted my teeth and fumed about disappointment. Because I discovered I had other things that could transcend disappointment: people who were willing to take risks with me when I took risks, and people who could understand my emotions that weren't understood.
The world being indifferent is supposed to be comforting, because it means that setbacks and disappointments aren't targeting you in particular. Successes are because of your own efforts and failures are because there were more uncontrollable elements than there were things you could affect.
Osborn internalizes this message and I believe it explains why he's such an active person. He has no expectations for the world and thus cannot be harmed by it any longer. He no longer needs to feel like he did in his childhood, about abandoning the world before it abandons him first. He managed to turn his independence from the world, which used to make him feel isolated, into one of his greatest strengths and it's also because he now has personal connections that bind him to the world by choice.
For my headings, I used a quote by Gordon Allport but, to be honest, I prefer the old Buddhist saying that "pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional" and, in my opinion, it reflects Osborn's perspective and why I, personally, think he has the healthiest relationship with the world. It's inevitable that there will be times when things don't go smoothly in your life and that you'll experience (physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual) pain, but it's your choice on whether to suffer during this period or not. Suffering is optional means you should realize the impermanence of this pain and if you can accept when things are out of your control, manage your expectations, and understand that whatever the world does externally to you does not affect your core as a person, then you will realize there are actually a lot of things you can overcome and that you need not dwell on them.
In the end, Light and Night is a game about hope and all the characters are growing, hopefully including the players who are following all of these characters in their journey. I also really like how the game doesn't affix one theme to one character, but instead approaches a theme from multiple angles through all the characters because, in this case, there is no right or wrong answer on how to live a life in this world. But, hopefully, seeing how hard these characters struggle to keep living can also provide some courage to those who are struggling and searching for their own path.
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This week’s astrology forecast: January 15th to 21st
Message for the week:
The week starts with the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday on Monday, with the Sun in creative harmony to transcendent Neptune—an excellent day to get in touch with your dream. A productive week is in store with Mercury (the mind) being in a stimulating and supportive sextile to responsible Saturn. Friday can bring some confusion, particularly in love and relationships, with Venus square illusionary Neptune. Although this can be enchanting, it makes one vulnerable to falling in love with what they wish or imagine to be true about another. Although cautionary in matters of the heart, this is excellent for creative and spiritual activities.
By far the biggest aspect of the week, and indeed this year, is Pluto moving into Aquarius Saturday—ending the dark lord’s 16 year reign in Capricorn. This has been an era where corporations held all the power and ruled the world with the world’s religion becoming consumerism. This shift ushers in the Aquarian 20-year era where power slowly shifts from the government and corporations to the people. Pluto in Aquarius last occurred 1778-1798, the time of the American and French revolutions for freedom from the control of monarchies and claiming power to the people.
What type of revolution are we in store for this time? Certainly, technology will contribute, but the Aquarian call for freedom, individual rights, humanitarian issues, and larger social cultural concerns will be in rebellion to the Capricorn structures and restraints from the past—starting first at the individual, grass roots level.
Do you feel ready to spread your wings and lift off with these new winds blowing, but something keeps holding you back and grounded? It is the conditioning we have all gone through from the “should monster” of what you are supposed to do. To take flight, first be in a revolution to your should monster and discard old shoulds that do not support your soul essence—it’s your life.
Monday: Imagination rules the day and can be a tremendous ally with the Sun supported by an invigorating sextile to dreamy Neptune. The dreamy nature of the day is enhanced with the Moon in highly sensitive Pisces invigorated by a sextile to the Sun and then conjunct other worldly Neptune midday. MLK Jr. had a dream, this is a good day to cast about for your dream, your vision. You may feel more active than restful this evening as the Moon enters fired-up Aries.
Tuesday: A high powered day is in store with the Moon in self-directed, fast starting Aries. An annoying square to agitating Mars midday will likely require hard to find patience with others who might be operating at a different pace. The Moon does conjunct Chiron, creating an opportunity to draw on the healing from old wounds to fortify your courage now.
Wednesday: A fun and playful day is in store, but you may want to buckle down this evening. The Moon is in enthusiastic Aries in a flowing trine to Venus in equally enthusiastic Sagittarius, bringing an upbeat, playful energy to all relationships. A square to the Sun in Capricorn this evening calls for getting back to responsibilities that may have got put aside on playday.
Thursday: This has all the makings for the most productive day this week with Mercury (the mind) in a focusing sextile to responsible Saturn. The Moon is in quality-seeking Taurus sextile patient Saturn and in a flowing trine to Mercury this morning, making it easier for staying the task. The Moon then conjuncts fortunate Jupiter, enhancing the sense of prospect and possibility. The Moon is in a supportive trine to assertive Mars this evening, making it hard to leave work and projects while so much progress is being made.
Friday: Mercury is trine to Jupiter, bringing optimism and confidence to communications, while Venus is also square to illusionary Neptune, making one susceptible to imaginary love. The Moon is in Taurus conjunct the wild card Uranus, so expect the unexpected and being willing to step outside of the box. A comfortable and enjoyable evening is in store with the Moon in creative harmony with imaginative Neptune.
Saturday: A game changer day in the heavens, with the Sun conjunct Pluto at 29 degrees and 59 minutes Capricorn in the early morning—the last hurrah for the Capricorn era. Then both planets move into Aquarius, the Sun this morning and Pluto this afternoon, ushering in a new era—time to discover and explore your radical individuality as society begins the long slow shift from corporate power to people power. The Moon enters endlessly curious Gemini this morning, allowing for a day to follow whimsy and serendipity. You may have to harness your attention to some pressing responsibility this afternoon while the Moon squares pressure laden Saturn—then back to whimsy.
Sunday: The Moon is in communicative Gemini in a sextile to Chiron as its only aspect today—the healing power of words is available. With no other aspects, it is truly a grab bag day to fill with whatever you choose.
May the stars be with you!
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childotkw · 1 year
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Hi, I just read the chapter and I was in shock, really, I was staring at nothing for minutes hahaha. I have some questions that I hope it's not a bother to answer, it's that I was really left with doubts 😢
1- Will Kaiser stay forever without his hand? The curse is incurable? can't he use a treatment? I dislike her, but I'm curious if she will stay like that, seek revenge or just accept her mistake that led her to that situation.
2- Where did Hadrian learn "Peredo" from?
3- since you won't write about it yet, could you give us a spoiler about what the jury thinks about Hadrian's actions during the whole battle?
4- could you tell us which of the other spells he used Hadrian are considered more out of the ordinary or obscure, I don't know how to distinguish them 😭
Hello! That’s what I like to hear! Nothing’s a bigger compliment than hearing how people are affected by a twist or event in one of my stories!! 🥰
As for your questions:
1 - Kaiser’s hand situation will be addressed by the end of the story - I don’t want to spoil what’ll happen, but her and Hadrian will have a final conversation which will reveal where she’ll go from here and what she’ll plan to do.
2 - Hadrian learned Peredo from Magick Moste Evile, which is a canonical book and something he was reading in chapter 1! 😄
3 - The panel are…torn on their opinions. We’ll learn more about the intricacies of their decision in the last two or so chapters, so I can’t deep dive into their thoughts either; but I’ll just say that some of them aren’t exactly happy with Hadrian’s use of Peredo.
4 - Hadrian’s spells are “out of the ordinary” more in the sense of power than the spells themselves being unorthodox or unknown. But as a breakdown:
His use of elemental magic showed his talent and is somewhat uncommon, it’s typically a sign that a witch / wizard is strong (ventus = wind, the wall of water, the blue fire, manipulating the stone, etc.)
Bombarda is a pretty ordinary spell in the HP!verse
Acuere (transfiguring the stone chunks into long spikes) was high-level transfiguration so uncommon in that sense
Avis and Oppugno (the bird he summoned) were the same spells Hermione used to conjure birds and attack Ron
Conversus ad glaciem (the ice under Kaiser’s feet) is an off-shoot of elemental magic - nothing extraordinary but also nothing to scoff at
The unnamed spell he used to explode his stone dome was borderline Dark
He just used pure magic to banish Kaiser’s smokescreen, which is A Big Deal and Very Impressive since he didn’t use Finite, but it’s not a Dark vs Light thing, just raw magic
The unnamed spell that created the orange octopus/blob thing against Draco was Light magic but very uncommon
He just used minor jinxes against Kaiser
The unnamed pale-yellow slice he used against her moving wall of stone was Light magic, not uncommon, it’s basically just a whip that most would be able to conjure
Flectere lucem (creating illusionary copies of himself) is Light magic but an uncommon spell and is hard to maintain for long
Flash healing is uncommon in non-war scenarios and not encouraged by medics due to the stress it puts the body under (it’s basically a magical way to cauterise a wound / rapidly heal it and always results in a scar)
Peredo is very very Dark, and not wildly used by a lot of magical people because there’s no counter and the only way to stop it is to cut off the affected limb (if you can) before it eats through the body
And finally the healing Hadrian does on Kaiser is very high-level, so it’s uncommon in the sense that not many would be able to heal such a horrendous wound when so low on magic.
I hope that clears things up? I didn’t name every spell Hadrian used, but yeah, most of his spells required great control over his magic to use, so you wouldn’t find your ordinary witch or wizard using them. His wandless and nonverbal casting that was also a big show of skill.
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dragon-kazansky · 2 years
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Khonshu's distaste
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Part of the Murder Bird series
Gender neutral reader
♡♡♡
Jake had disposed of the body. Khonshu watched him do it. That's the end of Harrow and Ammit. No loose ends.
Except, Khonshu couldn't shake off what had happened with you. He didn't blame you. How could he? You were trying to help him. Even Khonshu would have to admit he was at a disadvantage with Ammit.
You stepped in to help. He should commend you. He will. Once he returns to you.
Jake dusts off his gloved hands and makes his way back to the car. Khonshu keeps his head forward, empty sockets trained on where Jake had disposed of the body. He stands tall as Jake walks past him and gets into the vehicle.
As the car leaves, Khonshu sits in the back.
Anubis. Of all of them, it had to be Anubis.
Khonshu did not want to make you an avatar because you're far more valuable than that. Your special ability to see and hear them is wasted as an avatar, which would grant you those abilities anyway. However, as an avatar you would be protected at all costs. Khonshu is already trying his best to do so, but it's through his own avatar he's doing it.
Anubis would be able to look after you all the time. Wounds would heal. You would be stronger. Faster. Safe.
Khonshu scoffs.
No! He said no. He will stick by that.
Khonshu sighs when he notices he is no longer alone in the back of the limo.
"I thought you had gone."
Anubis chuckles.
"Not exactly. Now that I've let my avatar go, I'm feeling a little... lonely."
"No."
"Khonshu-"
"I said no!"
Anubis grins as he watches the other god.
"I see you're very busy. I shall wait for you. You'll know where. Come speak to me when you're ready. Think about it, Khonshu. I could be of use to you too."
Anubis leaves.
He's persistent on having you as his avatar. If Khonshu agrees, would you leave him? Would you no longer be within reach?
Khonshu hates the idea of not knowing where you are, of not being able to see you when he pleases. He wants to be around your wit and do good attitude. He wants you.
Not as his avatar... but as someone dear to him.
He shakes his skull.
He can't lost you, but he also can't stop you from doing something you may want.
He has Jake take him to your place.
You're fast asleep by the time Khonshu arrives. He hasn't seen you in some time. It pains him that he's been so distant from you.
"What am I doing?" He asks out loud, looking at you.
Anubis was near by. He could tell. In the blink of an eye Khonshu left your side and appeared up on the roof where the jackal waited.
Anubis grinned.
"Come to hear me out, have you?"
"Speak!"
Anubis chuckles. It's an achievement to have Khonshu listening for once.
All the while, you were non the wiser sleeping below.
♡♡♡
@pickle-rick-y @endless-starzz @popcorn36274 @the-chaotic-cow @zafiro-draco @sunnypop02 @galaxypox @starkiller-queen @amp-le @manque-damour @lo0nylexi @jossambird @isa-grant @that-one-short-human @a-hopeless-fan @ancientbeing10 @draarnaak @shohannie @rosaren2498 @snixx2088 @hb8301 @mischievousvillainy @the-illusionary-system @moonchild-cupcake @m4nd0l0r @kotonei-molyneux @moonlacebeam @lucilleifer @way-to-go-super-star @lostinbooktravels @seishoari @ajeff855 @adamcarlsenslvr @leiasdaughter @noahspector @enderman359 @hanther @hufflepuffawakens @angelqueen27
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The Quest For Truth on Forgiveness and The Expansion of Consciousness
The purpose of this message is to reach you to your highest timeline and to let go of any baggage holding you back from becoming the highest version of yourSelf. When we talk about even mentioning the word forgiveness, most people go into a resistance. Remember you either have all of the resistance to healing or you have none of it. We are not excusing the abuser, letting them off the hook, we are not excusing anyone from their lower vibrational behavior and actions. We are shifting from anger and resentment to gratitude and joy.
Do you want to live in the illusionary past or do you want to live as the highest version of yourself? You are allowed to feel angry for AS LONG as you need to feel that sacred rage. No one should ever forsake your right to feel that anger, you can and you SHOULD be angry at what they did. Your boundaries have been violated, you have been neglected, disrespected, you have been traumatized; you do not need to blame yourself for how you reacted to that lower vibrational behavior any longer. Any real spiritual Master is not promoting victim mentality though. You want to release this heavy baggage, because when you feel good you will get everything you want.
Realize, they were not doing it to you- they were only hurting themselves and hurting God by ever disrespecting you, gossiping about you, neglecting your needs, betraying you, slandering your name, making fun of you, judging you or abusing you. Remember even the strongest most confident people still feel pain, but they know how to control themselves in a way where they have strong discipline, and boundaries for the people they do not tolerate.
Always remember, that person or abuser is in pain and suffering if their wounds are bleeding onto everyone else. If they knew better, they would do better. Everyone is doing the best they can within their state of realized consciousness. Knowledge is power. Nothing they are doing has anything to do with you, your worthiness, or who you are as a person. It's always about that other person judging themselves and their own inner unhealed wounds.Believe me when I say you are allowed to feel angry for as long as you need to.
But you choose to build yourself into a new version of yourself, it doesn't happen instantly. Always ask yourself, would the new version of me act this way or am I still acting like the old version of me I don't prefer? You can shift to a reality where that person was never abusive. Shift to a reality where they never hurt you to begin with by changing your story. You must become indifferent to what the 3d is showing, only accept it as real if you like what you are seeing. The world will conform to what you have decided. There's nothing to worry about because you are eternal, you have plenty of time to feel that anger if you need to feel it, heal to transcend it. But for those of you who are done feeling it, and the pain is too heavy now to carry, we are moving on, put it down. It doesn't belong to you. You will never be able to get them to treat you right, you must either switch realities or completely walk away both require you to walk away to heal yourself. Are you ready to shift to your highest timeline?
From a higher level you are placing yourself in circumstances over and over. The same lesson comes back for another layer of healing. Remember that the process of pain serves a Divine purpose. You made a high level promise to yourself that you would process the pain and you would start saying YES to every single experience. Don't attach yourself to circumstances, life is a constant flow of energy. To quote Bashar, Circumstances don't matter, only your state of being matters. Life is incapable of producing an event or condition that does not serve you in some way. You would begin to say yes to every experience joyfully in gratitude. Whenever you are feeling anger and frustration <<you are going to shift to a gratitude mindset. You cannot fail. Remember if you do not ever give up failure can never occur. Because you are eternal, you have plenty of time to practice. You will only continue to grow and expand.
"Thank you God for this triggering experience, lesson and perfection of this outcome." "I'm going to let go of the negative beliefs that make me react this way." Ask yourself, "What knowledge was I given during the event of this painful experience?" Always remember pain is self-imposed, if you feel it is unwanted you will fight against it feeling anger, resentment, struggle, and suffering. If it were bad for you it wouldn't be happening. The pain serves a higher purpose.
Remember you are the medicine. Every experience is directly related to your self worth, to get you to see your worth and love yourself. Forgive yourself first and you can more easily forgive others. The forgiveness is not for them, it's for you to heal. Without love and forgiveness we destroy ourselves. We must love and forgive all of creation or we will love none of it. The only response to pain is love. We must choose to love people the way they are, accept them, forgive them the way they never ended up growing into. They are a necessary darkness to our light. You must choose to say yes to suffering in order to transcend it.
To quote the Arcturian spiritual masters, The more you suffer the more ecstasy there is coming your way. Ecstasy MUST as a law be created in response to your suffering to keep a balance of energies throughout this beautiful Universe. If you have suffered, the ecstasy is yours for the taking. To quote Ryo, Forgiveness IS freedom, it takes too much suffering to keep holding on to it, you're anchoring yourself to the negative experience and the frequency of the lower dimensions by holding on to it. Forgive them, it takes too much energy to be in a constant flaming energy.
By holding on to the past, you will experience emotions such as anger, resentment, and negative thoughts which equal lower vibrations. Resentment is living in the past, anger is being passionate, believing that things need to change and your boundaries being disrespected. Bitterness shows where you need to heal, holding on to judgments of others and yourself. Always remember when you are judging others you are also judging yourself. You are rejecting a part of yourself. To quote Bashar, people, places and things are not permanent. It's an illusion. Everything changes and breaks down over time because it's an illusion, however your existence is always permanent. Say yes to every experience, joyfully in gratitude for serving you a lesson, remember the way you respond determines if you've mastered the lesson. Your reactions create your reality. ALL pain is self imposed. If it was bad for you it wouldn't be happening. Forgiveness is freedom.
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The Husky and His White Cat Shizun - Chapter 46
Original Title:  二哈和他的白猫师尊
Genres: Drama, Romance, Tragedy, Xianxia, Yaoi
This translation is the product of my limited knowledge of Chinese characters as I attempt to learn the language. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.
Chapter Index
Chapter 46 - This Venerable One Wakes Up
When he woke up, Mo Ran found that he was still in the Divine Weapons Arsenal.
He felt like he had slept for a long time, but when he opened his eyes, he found that not much time had passed. It even seemed to have been just like the blink of an eye.
He didn't know if it was because the technique was successfully broken but when he woke up, he found himself lying on the ground, but he was completely unscathed. His hideous wound, dripping blood, seemed like a nightmare, and there were no traces left on his body.
Mo Ran couldn't help but be surprised and happy. Looking at Shi Mei again, he didn't know when he had also passed out, but surprisingly, he was also unharmed.
Could it be that after passing Gouchen's trial, Gouchen not only removed the illusion but also healed the injuries they suffered in the illusion?
. . .
Although when he thought about it, Gouchen didn't want to intentionally harm anyone, This was in line with the original purpose of the trial, but Mo Ran just didn't feel like it was real. He even felt like he'd been robbed of the aftermath.
Among the four, he was the first to wake up.
Then it was Shi Mei. Seeing Shi Mei slowly opening his eyes, Mo Ran was overjoyed, and said again and again: "Shi Mei! We're fine! It's fine! Look at me!"
There was a daze in Shi Mei's eyes at first, and then they gradually became clear. His eyes suddenly widened: "A-Ran?! You-"
Before he finished speaking, he was being hugged tightly by Mo Ran.
Shi Mei couldn't help but stare, but he still gently patted his shoulder: "What's wrong with you. . ."
"I'm sorry, I made you suffer so much."
Shi Mei said blankly: "It's really nothing. I just had a dream."
Mo Ran said: "That's really hurts!"
Shi Mei: ". . . What really hurts?"
At that moment, Xue Meng also woke up. He didn't know that he had dreamed, and shouted loudly: "How dare you! How dare you make light of me! " He abruptly sat up.
Seeing that he was awake, Shi Mei went over and said: "Young master."
"Ah. . . How come it's you? How did you get here?" Xue Meng thought he was still in a dream.
Mo Ran was in a good mood, and the look of Xue Meng was also very soft. He smiled and told him what happened. Only then did Xue Meng suddenly return to his senses.
"So it was a dream. . . I thought. . ."
Xue Meng coughed lightly in order to cover up his embarrassment. He suddenly found that Chu Wanning, who had always been the most powerful, was still asleep and hadn't woken up. He couldn't help but be shocked.
"Why hasn't Shizun woke up yet?"
They walked over and inspected Chu Wanning's wounds. Since Chu Wanning was injured before the illusionary realm had opened, according to Gouchen's design, the only damage that could be healed had to be from the illusionary realm. Therefore, Chu Wanning's shoulders were still soaked in a lot of blood, which was shocking to see.
Mo Ran sighed and said: "Wait a little longer and see."
A stick of incense could have burned before Chu Wanning finally woke up.
He slowly opened his phoenix eyes, and when he woke up, his eyes were empty and cold, as if a white snow had fallen. After a long time, he rolled his eyes and his gaze fell on Mo Ran.
But he seemed to be the same as Xue Meng. He was still not fully awake for a moment. He looked at Mo Ran and slowly extended his hand, saying in a muted voice: "You…"
Mo Ran said: "Shizun."
Hearing him calling him that, Chu Wanning's hand froze midair. His pale face seemed to get a trace of colour, and his eyes suddenly brightened: "Ah. . ."
"Shizun!!"
Xue Meng rushed over, pushing Mo Ran to the side, and held Chu Wanning's hand: "How are you doing? Are you better? Shizun, you didn't wake up for so long. I was worried to death."
Chu Wanning saw Xue Meng, slightly stunned, and then the haze in his eyes gradually dispersed. Then he took a look at Mo Ran. He saw that, although he was looking at him, he was holding Shi Mei's hand tightly, never letting go even for a moment.
". . ."
Chu Wanning then woke up completely and his face became cold. Then, like a fish in a dried-up pond, his expression died completely.
Shi Mei said with concern: "Shizun, are you okay? Does your shoulder hurt?"
Chu Wanning said calmly: "I'm fine, it doesn't hurt."
He slowly stood up with Xue Meng's help. Mo Ran was puzzled for a moment. Chu Wanning had hurt his shoulder. Why did he have a weak posture while standing, as though his feet were injured?
Mo Ran thought that Chu Wanning didn't know what happened in the illusion just now, and briefly went over it again.
When Shi Mei listened, he felt that something was wrong. When he listened to it again, he felt even more strange. He couldn't help but said: "A-Ran, you said that I saved you?"
"Yep."
Shi Mei was quiet for a moment and said slowly: "But I. . . just now, I was dreaming. I never woke up."
Mo Ran was startled but then he smiled: "Don't be ridiculous."
Shi Mei said: "I'm not kidding. I dreamed. . . I dreamed of my parents. They were still alive. That dream was so real, it was like. . . I couldn't bear to leave them. I really-"
Before he finished speaking, he heard Chu Wanning say indifferently: "There's nothing to be surprised about. Gouchen's illusion probably erased your memory of saving him. Either way, neither I nor Xue Meng saved him. Since he said you saved him, you must have saved him."
Shi Mei: ". . ."
"Otherwise, is there some way for Gouchen to exchange people's consciousness?" Chu Wanning said coldly.
He wasn't about to make a small issue into a big deal. He originally wanted to tell Mo Ran the truth. He originally hoped that Mo Ran would be able to realize that the person in the illusion wasn't Shi Mei, but him who had exchanged minds with Shi Mei.
However, Mo Ran's last confession to Shi Mei was too embarrassing for Chu Wanning.
When he woke up, he looked into Mo Ran's dark, shiny eyes. There was a moment when Chu Wanning felt that perhaps Mo Ran had some feeling for him in his heart.
Such a humble expectation was also a weak thought that he dared to quietly indulge for too long.
But that was just his self-indulgence.
The blood he shed, the injuries he suffered, Mo Ran will never know, and he doesn't need to know.
He wasn't stupid. Although he didn't say it, he could already feel how much Mo Ran cherishes that gentle and beautiful person. He could see himself standing in the corner, like a puppet that has accumulated dust.
But when he heard Mo Ran say "I have always loved you", Chu Wanning still felt like a wretched loss, defeated.
The hug in the illusion, in Mo Ran's eyes, was given to him by Shi Mei.
But Mo Ran will never know that the hug was actually from him, a handout given to another poor person.
Chu Wanning never thought that Mo Ran would love him, so he worked hard to suppress this feeling, not to force it, not to disturb it, just not touch it.
Those reckless loves and passionate obsessions are only grown on the soil of youth. When he was young, he also hoped that someone could always be with him and drink under the moon, but he kept waiting, never waiting for anyone in particular. Later, day by day, his reputation and status in the cultivation world were getting higher and higher. Everyone looked up to him and said that he was not close to people. Later, he also accepted such high expectations and stayed unapproachable.
He seemed to be hiding in a cocoon, the years adding more lines of silk to the cocoon. At first he could still see a little light seeping in through the cocoon, but as the years went by, as the silk grew and the cocoon became thicker, he could no longer see the light. In the cocoon there is only himself and the darkness.
He doesn't believe in love, he doesn't believe in what's behind the curtain, and he doesn't want to pursue anything. What should he do if he had gone through many hardships, biting open the cocoon and stumbling out, but no one was waiting for him outside?
Although he likes Mo Ran, this person was too young, too distant, and too fiery. Chu Wanning was reluctant to approach, afraid that one day he would be burned to ashes by such a flame.
Therefore, every retreat he could take, he retreated.
He didn't know what he had done wrong.
So much so that he only had a little bit of wishful thinking left, but he was still drowned by the cold rain that covered the whole sky.
"Shizun, look over there!" Xue Meng's exclamation broke Chu Wanning from his thoughts. He followed the sound and saw that the molten iron was rolling again in the sword-casting pool. Surrounded by flames, the ancient tree spirit broke out of the water again. But the tree spirit's pupils turned white, clearly not in its right mind. In both hands, he held Gouchen's glittering silver sword.
Chu Wanning said: "Run! Hurry up!"
Without him repeating it a second time, the disciples immediately ran towards the exit.
The mind-controlled tree spirit raised his head to the sky and whistled. The iron chains started shaking with tingling vibrations. Obviously, no one spoke, but all four heard a voice in unison:
"Stop them. None of them can escape."
Xue Meng paled: "Someone is talking in my ear!"
Chu Wanning said: "Ignore him. It's Zhaixin Liu's Temptation of the Heart technique! Run!"
When he said this, everyone else remembered that Zhaixin Liu had mentioned to them when they were fully aware that the so-called Temptation of the Heart technique used the greed in a person's heart as bait to make them kill each other.
Sure enough, the voice in Chu Wanning's ears hissed: "Chu Wanning, are you tireless?"
"The shizun of his generation, Yunheng of the Night Sky. Such a person yet he can only quietly love his disciple in secret. You have sacrificed a lot for him, but he doesn't know any better. He has never seen you in his eyes, and only likes that gentle and pleasant young master. How pitiful are you?"
Chu Wanning's face was ashen. Ignoring the noise in his ears, he swept towards the exit.
"Come to me. Pick up this ancestor sword. Kill Shi Mei and no one will stand between you. Come to me and I can help you get what you want and make the one you love fall in love with you. Come to me. . ."
Chu Wanning said angrily: "Such a wretch, get lost!"
The others obviously heard different conditions put forward by the voice. Although they slowed down, they were still able to resist the temptation. As they got closer and closer to the exit, Zhaixin Liu seemed to grow more frantic, and the howling in his ears was almost distorted.
"Think it through! Once you go out that door, you won't have another chance!"
The voice in everyone's ears was different, whistling mournfully.
"Chu Wanning, Chu Wanning, do you really want to be alone for the rest of your life?"
"Mo Weiyu, I'm the only one in this world who knows where the death-raising elixir is, come to me and let me tell you—"
"Shi Mingjing, I know your deepest desire, only I can help you!"
"Xue Ziming, the magic weapon you picked is a fake! Jincheng Lake has the last weapon made by Gouchen. If you come back, this ancestor sword will belong to you! Don't you want the ultimate divine weapon? Don't you want to be the pride of the heavens? Without the divine weapon, you'll never be able to compete with your peers! Come to my side. . ."
"Xue Meng!" Mo Ran suddenly noticed that his cousin, who was running beside him, was nowhere to be seen.
As soon as he turned his head, he saw that Xue Meng's footsteps became slower and slower before finally stopping. He looked back at the silver-blue sword that was floating in the sword-casting pool.
Mo Ran's heart was dumbfounded.
He knows how deep Xue Meng's obsession with divine weapons was. This kid must have been very disappointed after learning that the weapon he got was a fake. It would be perfect for Zhaixin Liu to tempt him with the ancestral sword.
"Xue Meng, don't believe him, don't go there!"
Shi Mei also said: "Young master, let's go, we're almost at the exit!"
Xue Meng looked back at them blankly, but the voice that echoed in his ears became more and more bewitched: "They're jealous of you and don't want you to get a divine weapon. Think about Mo Weiyu, he has already obtained his weapon. He can't wait for you to get nothing. You have nothing to gain. You two are brothers. If you are inferior to him, the position of venerable master on Life-Death Peak will, of course, be his."
Xue Meng murmured: "Shut up."
In front of him, Mo Ran seemed to be anxiously shouting something at him, but he couldn't hear clearly at all. He just kept holding his head and repeating: "Shut the fuck up! Shut up!"
"Xue Ziming, the weapons in the Divine Weapons Arsenal aren't suitable for you. If you don't get the ancestral sword, you will only be subservient to Mo Weiyu in the future. At that time, he will be your venerable master, and you will kneel before him and listen to his whims! Think about it, killing him isn't a problem at all! There have been many sibling rivalries since ancient times, not to mention that he's only your cousin! Why do you hesitate?! Come here - let me give you the sword. . ."
"Xue Meng!"
"Young master!!"
Xue Meng suddenly stopped struggling. He opened his eyes violently, and his eyes were actually red.
"Come to my side. . . you are the pride of heaven. . . to be worthy of the honor of the God of Weaponry. . . "
Chu Wanning sternly said: "Xue Meng!"
"Come here. . . Only when you become the venerable lord of Life-Death Peak can the lower cultivation world become peaceful and tranquil. . . Think about those suffering people, think about the injustices you have suffered. . . Xue Ziming, let me help you. . ."
Unconsciously, Xue Meng had arrived at the boiling sword-casting pool. Zhaixin Liu's spirit was holding Gouchen's ancestral sword, and his white eyes were bloodshot.
"Very good. Take this sword and stop them all!"
Xue Meng slowly lifted his hand and tremblingly took the silver-blue sword.
"Kill them."
"Kill Mo Weiyu."
"Go. . . ahhhhhh!!!!"
Suddenly, Xue Meng took out the long sword and yanked the brilliant sword into his hand. Then he stabbed with his backhand. The spiritual light of the primordial sword flowed, reflecting the handsome son of heaven in a snowy light. Until the illumination of the sword, his eyes were no longer red with blood his eyes but were more bright and pure than usual.
The sword did not stab at Mo Ran, but instead pointed directly at the body of Zhaixin Liu, penetrating his abdominal organs!
In an instant, the earth rumbled, and the ancient willow shook.
The Temptation of the Heart technique was broken, and the heavens and earth in the Divine Weapons Arsenal collapsed.
Xue Meng gasped heavily. He had exhausted all his strength to break free from the temptation. He stared at Zhaixin Liu, his young face full of the persistence and purity of a young man. In those burning eyes, arrogance and innocence could be easily seen.
The so-called child of a phoenix is more than just something attained through cultivation.
"Don't try to confuse me, and don't try to harm others."
Xue Meng finished with a gasp and fiercly pulled out the long sword!
Zhaixin Liu burst into a cloud of fish-stench blood in the blink of an eye. Before dying, his consciousness returned to his original body, and the hostility in his body suddenly disappeared.
He clutched his chest, barely steadying his crumbling body. He raised his face and opened his mouth. Although there was no sound, his words were clearly discernible.
"Thank. . . you. . . for. . . stopping. . . me. . ."
The body of Zhaixin Liu is a spirit from ancient times comparable to the formidable power of the ancestor sword. Both suffered from the collision. The ancestor sword in Xue Meng's hand also suddenly lost its aura, and it suddenly lost its colour.
At the same time, the ten thousand year-old tree spirit scattered with a big bang.
In an instant, ten thousand streams of light scattered into the water's waves like fireflies, circling and dancing around everyone, the brilliance flowing. The golden light was bright, and finally, each fading away, disappearing.
Shi Mei said: "Young master, come quickly. The whole place is going to collapse!"
The earth trembled. It wouldn't hold for long.
Xue Meng turned back and took one last look at the Divine Weapons Arsenal. With a "clang", he threw down the damaged ancestral sword and abandoned it. Behind him, the bricks and tiles collapsed, like an avalanche of snow.
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A Clash of Kings - 52 SANSA IV (pages 678-688)
Sansa gets her first period.
-
Sansa dug her nails into her hand. she could feel the fear in her tummy, twisting and pinching, worse every day. Nightmares of the day Princess Myrcella had sailed still troubled her sleep;
*recalls Sansa vs. nightmares of the bred riots (tv edition)*
Oh dear. I don't think that's fear in your tummy, sweetheart.
They had hemmed her in and thrown filth at her and tried to pull her off her horse, and would have done worse if the Hound had not cut his way to her side. (...) Try not to be afraid! he said.
Stop making me like you asshat! Ooooh, that's cheating! Sorry, I just, really like that he said try not to be afraid rather than don't be afraid. It just feels more comforting and less demanding on an already stressed young girl.
"Give your Florian a little kiss now. A kiss for luck." He swayed toward her. Sansa dodged the wet groping lips, kissed him lightly on an unshaven sheek, and bid him goodnight.
I'll give you a "kiss" *hefts steel chair* come here >:3
Turning back to the stair, Sansa climbed. The smoke blotted out the stars and the thin crescent of moon, so the roof was dark and thick with shadows.
I know I've been having fun with 'interpreting' the visions and dreams and stuff the past few chapters, but we do all (myself included) need to remember how hind-sighted visions are. In a narrative it's easy because the author often wants the events to tie together in a certain way, but even then there is always room for different interpretations.
Take for instance this chapter. We are being reminded multiple times that King's Landing is being bathed in smoke. King's Landing which is on a salt water coastline. Born of smoke and salt could now fit basically anyone in or around King's Landing at this point in time.
Case in point: Sansa has been weeping a lot (extra salt for the salt checkbox) because she's getting her first period (if I have my chapters and events correct) which is a "gateway" to womanhood in many cultures, and reflects more viscerally the idea "kill the boy and let the man be born" train of thought. If we wanted to do some crack takes, we could use this to say Sansa is Azor Ahai Confirmed.
She's not, probably, but we could say it.
Hell, Cersei could be Azor Ah-hoooo my gosh someone find a fic author and make that happen! X'D Azor Ahai!Cersei XD
... and just like that Sandor's made me dislike him again. He's so grumpy. And not in a fun way.
...Damn that's a violent period dream. For a second there I was kind of reminded of Dany's first vision through the doors, it was the "Women swarmed over her like weasels" I think, but the phrase from the vision described the men as "rattish"
Gods, Sansa is so terrified. First periods are always scary, even when you know what's going on because it's this change that you can't really wrap your head around until after, and for Sansa it's more than just that, it's another layer of illusionary safety being violently torn away from her.
Also, just as a point of interest, Blood is a Protein Stain. Cold water and a cake of your normal hand soap will remove most fresh stains from clothing and sheets, don't use hot water, warm to hot water actually makes fresh blood stains set. For older stains, glycerine can help to break them up, just dab a bit on the stain and give it a light scrub before washing with cold water and soap.
And when I say glycerine, I mean the stuff from your first aid kit for wound care, also called glycerin or glycerol. not the nitro for exploding stuff.
Queen Cersei laughed. "Wait until you birth a child, Sansa. A woman's life is nine parts mess to one part magic, you'll learn that soon enough... and the parts that look like magic are the messiest of all."
Not super looking forward to Cersei's POV's, cause I've heard things, and I would like to pretend she actually has some intelligence a little longer. Look at this scene. My gosh. For a moment there I almost thought Cersei gave a shit and was commiserating.
This woman has some opinions, and not all of them are complete trash, but damn she needs some therapy... but damn everyone in this series needs some therapy.
"Joffrey will show you no such devotion, I fear. You could thank your sister for that, if she weren't dead. He's never been able to forget that day on the Trident when you saw her shame him, so he shames you in turn. You're stronger than you seem, though. I expect you'll survive a bit of humiliation. I did. -"
So first of all, I understand that had Arya not been in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, the situation would never have been possible BUT, consider for a moment, that it ALSO could have been avoided if Joffrey hadn't been such a piece of shit! So really he brought that shit on himself then made it everyone else's problem by being an insufferably self-absorb, overly entitled, rich little white bo-
... Joffrey isn't just a dude bro. He's Elon Musk with a violent streak.
I need a moment...
...
Where was I?
Second of all! Oh look, Cersei is Pro Cycles of Abuse. "I suffered so every one else should suffer too. It's equality UwU"
*Kicks Cersei off a tower* This. Is. SPARTA!!!!
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DIABOLIK LOVERS Para-Selene Vol.8 Mukami Azusa [TRACK 5]
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Original title: 目を覚めたなら
Source: Diabolik Lovers Para-Selene Vol. 8 Mukami Azusa [CD not owned by me]
Audio: Here
Seiyuu: Kishio Daisuke
Translator’s note: Azusa is a precious cinnamon roll who deserves all the warmth and hugs in the world so it was really painful to witness him talk down upon himself. T _ T I can only imagine how painful it must be for him to have his S/O completely forgot about him. At the same time, he is definitely one of the easier to deal with when dealing with amnesia, since he actually shows consideration. (Unlike some of the other boys who think that getting upset and aggressive will surely bring your memories back.)
Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5
TRACK 5: UPON AWAKENING 
Azusa slowly wakes up.
“Ah…Uu…”
*Rustle rustle*
“...Huh…? This is…my room…?”
You seem relieved to see him awake.
“Oh…Eve…!”
*Rustle*
“Eh…? Ahー Right…I fell from the cliff…and lost consciousness, didn’t I?”
You nod.
“I must have been out cold for quite some time, huh…? …I’m sorry for making you worry…I swear I’m okay now. See? I can get up just fine…You must have treated my wounds, correct? Thank you… 
ーー But how did we make it back home?”
You explain.
“Those dizzy spells again? So by the time you realized…we were here, right?”
You nod but tell him that’s not everything.
“Eh? …What do you mean, ‘that’s not all’...?”
You explain.
“Eh? Your memories have…!? Then…!”
You smile.
“You remembered, right…? …I’m so glad!”
Azusa embraces you.
*Rustle*
“Fufu…You’re calling me by my name again…Which means you really got your memories back…”
You point out that he’s hugging you a little too tight. 
“Ah…I-I’m sorry… Was it suffocating? I was just so happy, I couldn’t help myself…”
You tell Azusa about reuniting with the others.
“Eh? The others…? Ah…You saw Ruki and the others? Then…We might have just made it…back to our world?”
You repeat what Ruki told you.
“The Paraselene…Syndrome?”
You elaborate.
“It’s my first time hearing about such a disease…but if that’s what Ruki told you, then it must surely be the truth. Because you had gotten entranced by the double-layered moon known as the Paraselene…both of us were caught inside an illusionary world…I guess it was that moon…which made you lose your memories as well. But I wonder what suddenly cured it…? Did he tell you anything about that?”
You shake your head.
“I see. I guess it can’t be helped if he doesn’t know…”
You tell Azusa that you have a hunch. 
“Hm? Do you have any idea what might have happened?”
You explain.
“Me? Fufu…Let’s leave it at that then, why don’t we? That we were able to make it back…because of your concern for me.
You frown. 
“It’s fine. I want to believe that was the case. You’re always top priority on my mind…so the second our hearts became one again, a miracle occurred.” 
Azusa nearly falls over.
*Rustle*
“Ah…Don’t worry…I just staggered a little, that’s all. …I made you worried again, didn’t I?”
You tell him you have an idea.
“Hm? What?”
You prompt Azusa to suck your blood. 
“Your blood…? …Why would you suddenly offer that?”
You explain.
“Oh…Okay. If that’s what you want me to do, I can’t deny it. I’ll have some then, okay? Is it alright if I suck from your nape? Tell me right away if it hurts, okay?”
Azusa bites you. 
*Sluuuurp*
*Gulp gulp*
“Mm…Nn…Ah…Hahー …Your blood truly is delicious…It’s so very sweet…and almost has a nostalgic taste to it…This is the flavor I know and love…”
*Gulp*
*Sluuurp*
“...What do you think? This should do, right?”
You shake your head.
“Eh? More? But…”
You ask if he no longer likes your blood.
“No! I don’t dislike your blood but…I’m just worried about you, that’s all.” 
You insist that you’re fine.
“I’ll have just a little more then, okay? From over here this time…”
He bites you again.
*Sluuurp*
*Gulp gulp*
“...Is it good now?”
You continue to beg for more. 
“Gotcha. Just one more sip then…”
*Sluuuurp* 
*Gulp*
*Sluuuurp*
“Mmh…Haah…”
*Rustle*
“Thanks for the meal.”
You tell Azusa that you hope he’ll recover soon. 
“...Oh. Eve! Is that why you suddenly offered your blood to me? You were concerned about my injuries from the very start? Hey, Eve…How come you’re so kind…?”
*Rustle*
“I’ll try my hardest. To make you as happy as I can…in return for all the kindness you’ve shown me. And so I never have to make you worried again.”
*TIMESKIP*
Azusa walks up to you.
“Hey, Eve…Take a look at this.”
*Rustle*
“Mmh. Thanks to you, the wound has nicely closed up to the point where I no longer have to wrap a bandage around it. So I figured I’d come and thank you as soon as I was given the chance. Were you busy with something, perhaps…? Am I disrupting you?”
*Flip*
“Huh…? That’s…The album we found the other day?”
You nod.
“The others were happy to see it as well, noting how it brought back a lot of memories. I made sure to tell them that you were the one who found it. …Right! Why don’t we take a picture together sometime and start a new album just for the two of uーー Well, that thought crossed my mind for a second, but nevermind.”
You frown.
“I mean…Even without photos, I have the real you right here, smiling with me.
*Rustle*
“Eve…I love you. Please let me stay by your side forever…”
*Smooch*
ーー THE END ーー
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nixoon-again · 1 year
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(for the director's cut for fanfic writers). can you maybe talk about this part? (illusionary are your arms around me, chapter 2) just wanna hear u ramble abt this, not a question :') (if you want to ofc <3)
[Sonic looks at Tails, takes in a deep breath and puts forth a feeble leg. He's gotta get them out of here. He's gotta get Tails help somehow and if that somehow includes kicking Shadow's butt again, he'll gladly do it.
(If he's in no shape to carry Tails, he's definitely not in any shape to fight, much less defeat Shadow but reason completely flies over Sonic's head because Tails is lying unresponsive in his arms and it's his fault.)
"We're getting out of here, bud. Just hold on for me, okay?" The blue hedgehog whispers to the kit in his hold. He knows Tails isn't in any condition to reply but the silence from the kit still breaks his heart all the same. Sonic squeezes him, letting out a shaky breath before he attempts to pull his and his brother's weight together on his feet.
He almost manages it too. Almost because even through the god awful throbbing in his head and the alien weakness he feels in his body, Sonic manages to stand up with Tails in his arms but when he does, when he's as steady as he can be on his two feet, he feels the weight in his arms lessen.]
Hi, how'd you manage to get my current favourite part of the fic
This scene was so vivid in my head, the angst was so clear. Actually, there are so many vivid scenes for this fic in my head but like- I'll have to write them first :")
Anyway! This part was fun and we're actually going to explore it a little more in the next update but for now let's see: what I was going for in this part was to show Sonic's desperation. Three weeks, no running, losing the will to talk and eat and then bam! Little brother is here to the rescue — you can imagine how happy that makes him, the hope this one fox brings him and oh how so quickly I take it away from him when minutes later Tails is shot :)
And now Shadow's standing in his way as well? See, this is where he says "Fuck it," because those three weeks almost drove him made and he wants to escape so badly now that he has a chance but Tails is hurt, Tails is hurt very bad. He's been hoping that after he got captured, nothing happened to his little brother. He's been hoping, praying, begging that the fox is safe and when he finally sees him and he's actually fine and then they're both getting out of this hell hole and then Tails suffers a fatal wound — Sonic is desperate
He's hurt, he knows he'll lose against Shadow and most of all: the crushing weight of knowing that Tails might not make it — his little brother might not make it, he might not be able to save Tails and it makes him want to run but he can't just run now, can he? It's not like running away from lunch or running away from sleep, it's different because it's Tails.
So, even though he's fully aware that he's playing a losing game here, he still steps forward. He still struggles to stand with Tails, unmoving, in his arms because he has to.
He can't bear living in a world without his brother knowing that it was his fault he's not here anymore. So he tries, he tells Tails they're getting out of here, he gives him a squeeze to reassure himself that Tails is still here, he's ready to fight Shadow, he's ready to get Tails out of here and hes ready to take on anyone crossing his path
Except just when he stands up, Tails fades from his arms.
Basically; I give him hope. The hope is short lived but he desperately clung on to it nevertheless, tried his best to keep holding on, but then it's taken away from him so fast he doesn't know what do to anymore
Spoilerish(?) funny part: its not the worst spice im going to use for the reunion :)
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sortilegum · 3 months
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plotted starter, but kinda was a prompt that went rogue for @zealctry
“Q.” A slap. Caught by surprise. A like malicious spectre creeping from the shadows. Thrown over a way and against the wall by a firm hand. “What are you doing Q?” A man of warm complexion and a broad foreboding presence stood towered over the cringing witch.
“Gods–” Q winced, a momentary disorientation before the hand came to deliver another strike. 
“Playing with devils again?” 
A trickle of blood mingled with saliva spluttered  from the witch’s lip. Their hand reached along the plaster, clawing upwards.“You dare–” The man’s fist came in fast, to strike once more than suddenly fell in motion, caught in a band of illusionary iron and chain pulling into the marble below appearing seamlessly around Setepen-it’s wrists.
“No, Q. You dared.”
The man’s gaze, of bright honey amber (a deceptive colour for a warmth these eyes did not possess), motioned over the construct with sharp disdain then finally returned to greet a pair of eyes of silver, of caramel, of red, engulfed in the muddling rage. “These are very old. Very old. Q–” His gaze snapped up, pulling against the binding. His teeth grit, snarling through the whine of metal. A pained yell. As real as an illusion could feel or appear, the trickery was only worth something if you could not overcome it, if you did not realise its deceit.
Qaqu’s power, their authority had been created by this. Setepen-it had been through this before, and Qaqu had been worse (or rather better). With neither show or warning the illusionary binds broke, disappearing as a sharp pain burst through his back and into body. Then another. He didn’t turn around to see what had struck him, he knew the feeling too well to indulge the witch in their idle distractions.His eyes struck Q’s image with a ferocity. A drop of blood fell from the corners of his eyes. A brisling of energy coursing through the air capturing his gaze like fine threads. The whispers of time bending, jolting images of actions here and yet to be. His hand swept in his blazer springing forth a revolver into his left hand gripping the barrel as struck the witch with the butt watching the image suddenly vanish as he stumbled swinging around. The room became darkness. Through his blood covered eyes an endless void where only he stood. Another sting. A long silver blade through his chest.  A decompression of air in stifled air escaping the wound. A visceral gush of red splattered into the void. Illusion. Lies. 
The room swelled in red, white and grey, breaking the void, like an abstract painting dancing in energy beyond the veils of time, life or even death. A slight breeze brushed his scalp. The unseen. A wrapped, fracturing of reality. Such scenes were not meant to be seen. It lasted but a second, snapping back. “Enough!” His hand rose with the gun spinning it into the correct position before firing it into Q’s raised cane. A burst of splinters showered over the two. The cane split in half, flying across the room as Setepen-it shot again.  
The bullet hit their collarbone. A pained cry escaped Q’s throat as they crumpled in the ground and Setepen-it soon to follow, resting his knee at first over their chest as he forced Q on to their back to face him. “That’s enough.” And from Setepen-it’s lips an almost sigh of relief. “We– we had a deal, Q---” 
A hearty laugh rose from the witch’s throat in between a torrent of blood.
“Fuck you!”
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rubyblue2005 · 4 months
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Naruto's Character is so fun to think about.
Most people struggle with not being able to do impossible things, miracles. The people who can do the most mundane tasks with ease, cannot do impossibilities. Being well- nearly impossible to do. Sakura can heal cuts and bruises and gashes and almost everyone that graduated from the academy in konoha can do illusionary clones.
But Naruto is the exact opposite.
His problem is that he can only do the impossible.
Naruto struggles everyday doing mundane tasks yet does impossible miracles with the ease of breathing. He gave an eyeball back to Kakashi from thin air, yet has too much chakra to be able to heal a bruise on someone else. He couldn't make a normal illusion, but he could create Shadow clones, which chew up way too much chakra and as a result are more durable. He can't heal other's wounds, he can't heal a teammate's cut or bruise but he can restore organs.
Naruto is a being of impossibilities, and he struggles with it everyday.
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Class Feature Friday: Shadow Mystery (Oracle Mystery)
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(art by Ondrej Hrdina on Artstation)
 Where there is light, there is also shadows. This is a common truth whether you are speaking in allegory or merely commenting on the physics of light.
The significance of darkness has been explored in many places, and indeed on this blog, several times over. Is darkness a mere absence of light? Is it a thing of evil or just a place that wickedness hides? How the heck does ‘shadow magic’ work to make shadowy monsters or energy if shadow is basically a form of nothing conceptualized?
We could go on and on listing examples of how these metaphysics work and how it varies between settings, but from a writing perspective shadow magic is often shorthand for “evil or at least morally dubious”, if only because of course someone who is willing to utilized underhanded tactics and methods would make use of powers that can conceal them from sight, regardless of whether such powers really are inherently evil.
But this changes a little bit when the shadow powers are divine in nature.
Indeed, while oracles rarely get their powers from just one god, the list of deities commonly associated with shadows and darkness does not sport a lot of goodly examples, their divine power lending a malignant will to the darkness that conceals their servant or rises up to attack foes.
That being said, there still are goodly or at least morally ambiguous deities associated with darkness, most notably Pathfinder’s Tsukiyo, Tian god of the moon, or Nocticula in her ascended form. Such oracles that worship or draw power from such shadowy gods of good might be like the light of the stars, dim but offering guidance in the darkness. They embrace darkness not out of fear of being discovered, but out of courage to brave it’s terrors.
Regardless of their motives and patrons, these oracles boast the flexibility and stealthy control of many other shadow-casters, as well as their own unique tricks, which we will cover shortly.
 Like all mysteries, the power of the shadow grants an array of bonus spells, ranging from conjuring darkness, creating concealing illusions, moving through the shadow plane, sapping the life away from attackers, as well as conjuring and evoking shadowy allies and attacks.
Some also conjure shadowy reflections of other creatures to aid them as well.
Many learn how to wrap themselves in a cloak of darkness, protecting themselves from assault.
Drawing upon other traditions, a few of these oracles learn additional magics associated with conjuring half-real shadows and creating darkness.
Shadow oracles might also transform themselves into living shadow, becoming elusive shadowy figures with many defenses against normal attack.
Many also gain enhanced sight in the dark, even eventually piercing magical darkness.
Some learn to create a quasi-real weapon of shadow, which proves just as real to foes that do not realize it’s illusionary nature. As they grow in power, they can enhance the shadowy weapon with a heat-stealing chill or with an otherworldly keen edge.
Those that utilize shadow magic often also learn how to subtly make their spells even more real, making disbelief less effective at sapping their strength.
Others are able to animate their own shadow as an ally, though this entity is more living spirit than the soul-draining undead that normally result from such techniques.
Naturally, some become masters of stealth as well, able to hide even in the open thanks to shadows bending around them.
Spreading wings of shadow, some learn how to bless themselves with flight.
The most powerful of these oracles, however, become suffused with darkness, their bodies becoming partially made of quasi-real shadow. This makes them immune to cold and to attacks that target their organs, and what’s more, when in darkness, they rapidly heal, regenerating from even lethal wounds as long as they are untouched by light.
If you’re interested in an oracle that can be extremely flexible with shadow spells, darkness, and the like, this mystery might appeal to you. Be warned, though. Their powers struggle against those that can see past the illusions. I personally recommend a battlefield control build with a minor in support and flexible blasting and summoning.
 As always, while blessed by the divine, shadow oracles are the final arbitrator on how they use their power. That being said, shadowy powers like this do have their associations, and in lands where a good or neutral deity of darkness is not well-known, others might assume they are granted power from sinister forces regardless of their motivations, which may affect how they interact with the people in the setting.
  In House Vakaa, the driders rule over the drow, rather than the other way around. This is because the house worships the Weaver of Shadows, an arachnid divinity who’s webs devour light and hope. However, hope cannot be truly destroyed, and some whisper of a secret which, if exposed, would lead to the freedom of drow and drider alike from their dark influence.
 The lamia are as a rule, forsaken by the gods, but something divine whispers to Arakeshi, lamia matriarch of the Bloodbone clan. Granting her powers over the darkness, and calling her deeper and deeper into the earth to set it free, promising even greater power.
 It isn’t well-known, but the Temple of Day in Valdsport has a shadowy backside. This Temple of Night is the center of worship of the Eclipsed One, the twin of the Bright One. Though the worship of the night god unnerves many, it is not inherently evil, and oftentimes, secrets that elude the priests of day are laid bare to the oracle of night.
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