#im a film student with adhd and i have so many opinions oh how names and namesakes affect identity and your view on the world

[lemonzestywrites]

i don’t like engaging in discourse (especially in this fandom) at all, quite frankly but i saw a post and i had to rant about it somewhere so here i go

one of the main reasons i adore buck is his relation to both evan and buck and their points as his namesake. as someone who (similar to buck has a irl nickname that people only ever refer to me as. like very rarely to people refer to be by my full legal name) i have many thoughts

i think especially the difference is very important to make because i don’t think evan and buck are separated by people and who uses those names so much as i think they’re separated by points in his life and the ideas and things they represent. (idk if that makes sense but to me it does)

like “buck” is a selfless never-gives-up person who will go above and beyond to save and help everyone he comes across. 

“evan”, on the other hand, refers more so to a younger version of himself (obviously) but not just in the literal sense but like that point in his life where he’s figuring out who he is. that young kid who’s uncertain and insecure and really just so desperately wants to be loved. 

the most important thing is that evan and buck at the end of the day still make up the whole identity of the same person! like they are two points of his life that can coexist (maybe once buck starts working through this in therapy more, but they can!!)

and that’s why the hospital scene in 4x14 is so important!! the reason (i think) eddie uses ‘evan’ instead of ‘buck’ is because that the point of he’s trying to reach. eddie isn’t talking to a the reckless hero firefighter, he’s pinpointing on the insecurity, that fear that ‘evan’ has for himself. that he isn’t good enough, that his vaule is directly tied to his body. that desire and need to be loved. all that. 

eddie (lovingly so) goes after this dark corner in buck’s heart that buck believes is unlovable and complicated and eddie quite literal tells him “this part of you i still love. the part hasn’t fully been healed yet, i know has value. i want you to see it too”

i also dont think its not that the others dont feel the same or dont care for buck like this, but eddie sees and understand that kind of insecurity within buck (ie the boxing scene in s4) because throughout the season the others try and offer their sympathy and understanding to buck that he has so much worth and value because they love him deeply!! but in that scene one of the main reasons (again i think) eddie gets through to him is that use of “evan”. because it shows buck/evan that all of him is loveable, even the parts he doesn't think so.

i hope this made sense or shed so light and least on my thoughts on the whole ordeal cause i got a lot of things running in my brain and i kinda speed wrote this in 30 minutes

#im a film student with adhd and i have so many opinions oh how names and namesakes affect identity and your view on the world #i deadass could go off about this all day #thanks for listening to my ted talk #also if there's more i missed or you'd like to add (respectfully so) feel free!! #though im not here to argue or go after people so if youre looking for that i suggest looking somewhere else #discourse #fandom discourse #911 discourse #just to be safe #evan buckley #character introspection #911 fox #911 #meta #my takes