if only i wasn’t such a depressed, suicidal, anxious, anorexic, autistic mess with big emotions, severe abandonment issues and trust issues </3 but that’s too much to ask ig😒
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There’s a tiny moment right before Tommy kisses Buck when you can see him glance to the side, and it just hit me that he’s weighing the signs in his head, trying to decide whether what he’s picking up on is really what Buck wants – unconsciously. It’s a fraction of a second, but the mere fact that he arrives to the conclusion that yes, Evan Buckley wants to be kissed, and yes by a man, yes by him, is enough to make me cry.
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synopsis. in which gojo wasn't the one sliced and diced.
wc. 550
tags. MAJOR JJK 236 SPOILERS, angst lol
gojo satoru had abandonment issues.
having lost his best friend and several close allies, loss had become a norm for him. it was expected. those who got close to gojo satoru died. his attachment was a death sentence. it wasn't a secret; he heard the whispers and saw those pitiful glances from sorcerers who only cared about their clan name, having never truly been forced to face curses head-on.
so he with all of this in mind, he couldn't understand why you stayed.
satoru had tried to push you away and keep you at arm's length, he really really had. but no matter how harsh his words were, how overwhelming he made his cursed energy, you still smiled and held out a bag of treats you'd bought him whilst he was away, or was the first one to offer any assistance with his students. even though he knew the latter scared you following the loss of haibara in your first year.
that was his first mistake: opening the door just enough that you could slowly slip your way in.
his second was letting you meet megumi. it was no secret that the spiky-haired boy wasn't fond of satoru or his parenting methods, but he did not expect him to be so welcoming of you. there were many a time satoru would come home after a day at the high school to megumi at the kitchen island with you helping him with his homework. or to the two of you in a blanket fort (he was especially jealous at this because how dare you make one without him) watching whatever film you could find.
by that point, you'd closed and locked the door, swallowing they key so satoru could never force you to leave.
it terrified him. there were no labels but he was hopelessly and irrevocably yours, there was no doubt about that.
you stuck around longer than anyone ever had before. so much so that satoru stopped having those nightmares - the ones where you died slowly in his arms because he was never enough to save the ones he loved - because you were by his side at every waking minute. he kid himself into believing that could last forever.
"don't cry." satoru can barely comprehend how you even have the energy to talk. it only further shattered him as your last words were to comfort him. as if though he were the one who had selfishly (yes, selfishly because how could you trade your life for his after knowing everything you meant to him) taken a hit not meant for them. as if though he was the one in literally two pieces.
he couldn't even do as you wish, the hot tears rolling down his cheeks creating streaks through the grime and blood that stained his porcelain skin. he wanted to apologise, to tell you that he loved you and that he could fix you, but it was like all of the air had been knocked from his lungs.
you had seconds left in you, and yet still, there was a ghost of a smile on your face as you stared up into the eyes of the man who held your heart so carefully. "i will never regret loving you gojo satoru."
satoru will always regret loving you.
a/n. it's never gojover. go avenge yn bbygirl xxx
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am i the only one who stops reading a fic because you don't feel ready for what's about to happen?? like... am i the only who needs to get up, walk around the house, then come back to the spot you were reading in, and then continue?? .—.
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Fun fact about me is I dwell on shit so yes im still at the lighting strike,,, I just can’t get out of my head how Eddie’s first “Buck!” literally breaks the barrier of numbness. His scream is what turns the tension into frenzy.
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you should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the busyou should have been alone on the bus
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Just watched Parachute. It was so good but so emotional, and a lot of parts hit very close to home when it comes to dealing with your mind not working right.
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